#teetotal problems

[too-antigonish]

Morse and drinking in the 70s...

Long....because I can't write short. And obviously, a lot of you will already know this stuff...

Just want to take a moment to talk about alcohol and alcoholism in the context of the early 1970s and remind folks of how totally and completely different it is from how we see it today.

Drunk driving had not been outlawed in most countries. Not only that, it was widely regarding as funny—funny enough to be used as a regular “gag” in movies. Problem drinking was also seen as funny. There were regular cartoon strips about it. The “drunk” was a funny stock character in all sorts of plays and movies.

Alcohol was ubiquitous. We’re not just talking liquid lunches. We’re talking drinking at work, while you work—just as you see in Endeavour. Think about that for a second.

And politely saying no wasn’t something you did without social consequences. It wasn’t just seen as a personal preference. Unless you had a specific, acceptable reason, turning down a drink was often seen as stand-offish and judgmental or as a social snub. Teetotalism was regarded as rather naive and ridiculous—not something any man or woman of the world would embrace.

In the early 1970s, there was no widespread understanding of alcoholism as a disease. It was still seen very much as the consequence of personal weakness—still a matter of “If you cared enough or tried hard enough, you wouldn’t do this so it must be a character flaw.”

Plus, most people, “normal” people don’t have problems with alcohol, so if you do then there’s something abnormal and defective about you—most likely something you brought upon yourself.

And as a “personal weakness” and a “defect,” the shame around it was profound and the secrecy matched. If someone went away for treatment, it was very much akin to an unwed mother going off to have her baby and then returning without the child. You never spoke of it. You pretended that it had never happened.

If you were a kind person, you also didn’t go out of your way to parade babies in front of her or talk constantly about children when she was with you. But refer to it directly? Never. Ask for help? Never. It was always something to be hidden. Everyone did their best to forget that it had ever happened and saw this as the "kindest" thing to do.

When Morse returns from his “cure,” it would simply be assumed that everyone would pretend that nothing unusual has happened. Why he’s  just been off on a tour of the West Country and nothing else! Hope you had a lovely time! That sort of polite fiction was exactly what he would have expected upon his return. Anything more direct—at least in a public setting—would have been shocking to him and everyone else.

Where things break down, however, is in the more personal interactions. His relationship with Thursday is such that they can at least broach the topic of drinking. When they do, my impression is that Thursday is well-aware that Morse not “cured.” However, in the context of the time, saying this would be akin to saying, "You failed," because there was no disease model of alcholism in widespread use. You went to be cured and it worked or it didn't.

However, I'd also add that Thursday is almost to the breaking point with the cumulative strain he is under. He can’t cope with the “burden” of Morse being in a precarious state and he knows it. He feels desperately guilty about that—as well as about other things like Strange and Joan or about life having moved on so much while Morse was gone—and so he just shuts down. 

Shutting down is Thursday’s go-to strategy when he’s overwhelmed. We’ve seen him do it many times before. And part of that for him, is that he pretends that the people around him are ok—even if they are anything but ok. Not surprisingly, he does it the most with the people he has the closest emotional ties with—Win, Joan, Sam, and Morse.

So the only way that Thursday can cope is by having Morse be perfectly fine. Conveniently, his preferred coping strategy fits exactly with his society's expectations about how alcoholism works. If Morse is "cured," you don’t need to worry about sparing him the constant offers of alcohol in the same way that the young unwed mother might hope to be spared babies. You certainly wouldn’t embarrass him (especially after he’s been through the humiliation of rehab) by drawing attention in any way to a possible to the idea that he still has a problem. 

And finally, a last note on time context. The scene in the pub where Morse has that first drink after finding out that Joan is marrying Jim is utterly heartbreaking for so many reasons. One of those reasons, however, is that we know it’s the first drink—and that the first drink leads to the second, and so on and so forth. Then Morse says to Thursday, “They said the, the odd beer, the odd shot, does no harm…"Everything in moderation," they said,”  and we automatically assume he’s lying.

I’m fairly sure that those scenes were meant to be interpreted through our modern viewpoint. However, it’s worth noting that again, the model of alcoholism in the 1970s was nothing like what we have today. The idea that someone with a drinking problem/addictions needs to abstain entirely was not even close to universal at that point. It’s perfectly possible that the advice Morse is quoting is the advice he received!

[artist-issues]

Quick question. Have you read any of Brandon Sanderson's books before? If so, what books would you recommend?

Also, what books of C.S. Lewis, would you recommend and why.

I want to start reading them, but I'm uncertain what books I should pick out and try.

Hello my friend!

I've never read Brandon Sanderson, or heard of him! Do you hear good things about him? Should I look into him? Sorry to turn it back around on you.

C. S. Lewis is unlike any other author to me. What he has to say resonates with me and feels like he opened up my heart and put what was in there into order every time I read his stuff. Feels like going to the chiropractor—like my thoughts and emotions and vague ideas have been out of alignment, and he pops them back into place where I didn't even know I needed alignment.

That said, I love all his stuff. Fiction, non-fiction, essays, letters to friends, lectures, everything. So I'm almost...the wrong person to ask, because I would recommend ANYTHING he writes.

I'll try to give you a little recommendation-by-starting point?

If you're looking for fiction: Read the Chronicles of Narnia. If you've already read them, read them again 😅 I read them on loop. They're on my phone. I'm never not reading them.

If you're looking for deeper ("adult") fiction: Read Out of the Silent Planet, then Perelandra—but I don't recommend reading That Hideous Strength until you've tried to read...

3. If you're looking for commentary on fundamental worldviews: Read The Abolition of Man. It's an essay on what C.S. Lewis believed about the idea of "progressivism," but it has a lot to say about objectivity versus subjectivity, and where logic and emotion belong in the priority-list of a person...I just recommend that everybody read The Abolition of Man. Then read That Hideous Strength to finish the Ransom Trilogy, because it's kind of a modern-fairytale picture of what Lewis was trying to say in Abolition. Reading both will compliment his thoughts!

4. If you're still looking for more fiction: Read The Screwtape Letters and The Great Divorce, then Til We Have Faces and The Pilgrim's Regress.

5. If you're looking to set your mind on the things above with C.S. Lewis: Read Mere Christianity, and The Problem of Pain.

6. If you're looking to hear what C.S. Lewis had to say about stories or critical thinking: Read his essay in response to critics of the Lord of the Rings (I think it's called "The Dethronement of Power") and read An Experiment in Criticism. (He has so much good stuff to say about enjoyment, and how humans can use their critical thinking skills to actually get in their own way. C.S. Lewis really believed that people should enjoy what is good to enjoy, in the proper way, and that that was one of the most God-honoring things you could do. He also hated teetotaling along the same lines 😅)

Remember that everything C.S. Lewis writes is very "thematic." He wasn't exactly making allegories all the time, but he was making "supposals" all the time. For example, Narnia is "suppose God created other worlds; in those worlds there had to have been a Jesus; in a world of talking beasts, what would Jesus look like? A lion." Or, "suppose God created life on all the planets in our solar system, not just Earth, and suppose Satan was put in charge of ours while other angels were put in charge of other planets; then what would space travel look like?" And many thematic lessons are tied up in there.

Also, if you read his biography Surprised by Joy and Perelandra, you might come to realize something about C.S. Lewis' beliefs that I'm only just starting to grasp: he thought we make WAY too drastic and exclusive a distinction between "story" and "reality." He believed that there was something in every story which points back to the one great story God made up, which is reality. So he's not afraid to include pagan mythology in his own Christian stories because to him, knowing their history and the cultures they come from, some of those pagan myths and stories tie neatly into truths about God. It might be a hard thing to grasp depending on your Biblical upbringing, but the spirit of what he means is not unbiblical.

Another cool thing I'm learning from Lewis is that he didn't think of all mankind as monsters. Oh, he believed that the Bible was correct when it says "all have sinned; there is none righteous," etc. He certainly didn't believe there was anything good left in man. But what he did believe was that man was kind of like a broken mirror, I guess. Like, it's in pieces on the floor. Good for nothing but the trash. But you can still look hard at the shards and figure out what it should be doing, and in that way, you can see traces of the mirror's creator. So in his biography, there's this interesting part where C.S. Lewis actually says that heartlessness is a worse sin than, say, homosexuality—they're both sin, but at least one points to a twisted version of what we were made for, which is love. At least someone could look at those broken shards and maybe come to the conclusion that there is a God who made us creatures for love, and therefore learn something about Him, even if we mucked it up. But with a heartless person? Lewis seems to condemn that person as not human at all, because there's no trace, not even a broken trace, of what humans are meant to be in them.

I just thought that was interesting. Because it makes you realize that mankind's story isn't "bad to good." It's more like, "good, to bad, back to good." Which is why any of us recognizes the need for God at all.

Anyway! Sorry for the ramble, I know you didn't ask for it 😅 I hope that gets you started? I also hope you blog about what you think of any of Lewis' stuff; I can't wait to read it. He's near and dear to me, so I like the thought of "sharing" his writing with anyone. Thank you'

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello, 24M ISTP here hoping to help my 25F INFJ girlfriend, or at least understand her. It’s a persisting problem that’s taking a noticeable toll on her mental health and I’m a little lost on what to do.

We live in the UK, and drinking culture is HUGE here, particularly regarding an almost obsession with pubs. They’re seen as a community hub in a way for a lot of people. I personally only have one or two drinks on special occasions and my girlfriend is teetotal, so neither of us feel the need to go to these places ourselves. The problem, for my girlfriend, is how this interferes with the rest of her social life. She has a lot of online friends, but aside from myself and her sister, she only really hangs out with her work colleagues. Most of these outings involve drinking to an extent.

My girlfriend said herself, several times, that she doesn’t like the pub crowd. It’s not her scene, it’s noisy and cramped a lot of the time and she just finds it boring. Honestly I agree with her. She’s even had some people grilling her about why she doesn’t drink, which obviously won’t help. When it’s just the two of us, we usually go to some sort of cafe, or an actual activity like arcades or museums, because that’s what we both enjoy. Whenever she goes out with her colleagues, though, she comes home miserable and deflated. I suggested offering to go someplace else with them, but she’s apparently asked a few of them around the weekend time and they always say they’re busy.

I’ll see her obsessively scrolling on Reddit or Twitter at sometimes 4AM, looking into why people love drinking/pubs so much and to see if anyone feels the same way that she does. It seems to start this vicious cycle of guilt if she can’t find the answers she wants because she’ll see people praising pubs and what they mean to them. She tells me how she feels like she doesn’t fit in here, and it’s warping her view of the world generally, because so many people love and revolve their leisure time around an activity that she hates. Basically she thinks that there’s something wrong with her.

She’s tried to branch out a little over the last few weeks by taking music classes and volunteering, but she’s really shy and hasn’t formed any friendships so far, which is making her feel even worse. So she falls back into her usual routine of going to places that she hates because people want her to. I take her out to do what she likes as often as I can, but honestly I think there’s a deeper problem at play here.

I asked her if she feels lonely, and she said no. She doesn’t miss the connection of an actual friendship, she actually enjoys having lots of alone time. She told me it comes from a need to feel socially competent, and this does line up with her behaviour. The way she talks, acts, dresses, is all done so she can be perceived a certain way. She wants people to see her as someone that has friends and a fulfilling social life. But like I say to her - she’s not a public figure, she’s not a fictional character. There’s no audience here aside from the people she chooses to be around. Why is she sabotaging herself?

----------------------

Consult the article about Caring for Emotional Needs for tips about how to offer comfort to people in distress. Questions about how to help are always complicated because there are so many factors that could influence the outcome. The most important factors to consider are: 1) how open the person is to receiving help, 2) whether they possess enough inner and outer resources to carry out good advice, and 3) whether your presence has the potential to hinder them. From your description, it is unclear how these factors will play out.

Have you read the study guides and do you understand functional stacks and type development? It sounds like she is having difficulty with auxiliary development and reaching a point of auxiliary resistance, which can potentially trigger a gradual descent into tertiary loop. It is a common issue across all types.

It's possible there's something awry with her intentions. Approaching function development with the wrong intention often leads to negative results. She works very hard, perhaps too hard, to fit in, which indicates Fe overindulgence, but then also claims that she does not need the Fe things she's working for. She claims to want "social competence", which is ostensibly about healthy Fe, but then rejects vital opportunities to develop genuine social competence. Denial and ambivalence are major factors behind why people get stuck in developmental ruts. In essence, people want auxiliary development but also want to avoid the difficulties of it, which can lead them to choose dead ends and overlook viable opportunities.

Yes, it is self-sabotage, but it's important to remember that these "choices" are generally made unconsciously from a deep and dark place of pain, suffering, ignorance, or desperation. Although it might seem irrational to onlookers, it is rational to do what is necessary to alleviate short-term pain, in an effort to regain enough mental capacity to tackle long-term problems. However, when pain cannot be adequately alleviated (usually due to not having learned the right tools for coping), it starts to wreak havoc psychologically.

I often say that the easy path isn't usually the right path when it comes to personal growth. Ideally, she should go through the arduous process of making new friends with people who are better suited to her personal preferences and needs. Branching out is the better choice but also the more difficult choice because it involves facing up to painful truths about herself, i.e., to nakedly expose the shyness and deep insecurities that lie at the heart of the struggle. She has yet to realize that it is precisely through facing up to those vulnerabilities that genuine social competence is eventually achieved.

Since she isn't ready to face up to the real underlying problem, she's leaning on her colleagues at the pub. As you said, pub culture is huge in the UK, so enjoying it would allow one to quickly fit in with a significant swath of the population. However, as huge as pub culture is, there are also huge numbers of people with other interests, but it might be difficult to meet them without making a big change to one's immediate social environment. From my observations, spending too much time with people at work can really limit one's perspective, like putting all your eggs in one basket. I generally don't recommend seeking out personal relationships in the workplace unless you just happen to meet someone you really, really click with.

If she lacks the wherewithal to change her social environment, she might be feeling out of options and that might be why she's trying to force the pub situation, as it helps maintain some illusion of control. The misery she feels as a result is an extremely important warning sign but she's ignoring it, which indicates poor self-care and a need to improve emotional intelligence. Chasing these existing relationships is the golden path of least resistance, but it only seems easy on the surface. In the end, it's also an incredibly difficult path because she must deny herself and sacrifice her integrity for the pretense of fitting in, which basically amounts to self-violence.

In short, both paths are difficult, but only one will lead to proper function development and personal growth. In cases of auxiliary overindulgence, the dominant function doesn't work optimally. Without healthy Ni, it's difficult for her to understand the longer term implications of her choices. All FJs need a strong sense of belonging and community in order to flourish in life. Fe-related needs are legitimate and she must learn to fully embrace them as an integral part of her identity. Ideally, she should be encouraged to fulfill her Fe needs and be offered support as needed/requested. However, though it's hard to watch someone you care for struggle, you can't compel or force them to develop a function when they are not psychologically ready for it. It's something she ultimately has to decide to do on her own, for her own good.

Since her auxiliary function is your inferior function, you are in a dangerous position. You could inadvertently be a negative influence if your inferior Fe distorts her view of auxiliary Fe. It's important that you are mindful about your own relationship to Fe. You have to understand that auxiliary and inferior functions are very different animals that require very different approaches in type development. You should avoid expressing inferior Fe in a way that gives her a convenient excuse to withdraw from auxiliary Fe development entirely. This would be the worst case scenario from the perspective of type development.

[steelbluehome]

"The two leads are fantastic: Stan navigates from naïve wannabe to glowering mogul and never loses his way or slips into parody. His vanity about his hair and his looks is on display from the beginning, but in the early years he is unsure of himself and there is a vulnerability about him. Strong is also utterly believable as Cohn, a man as vain as his disciple and certainly as dangerous."

The Standard

The Apprentice review: Sebastian Stan shines in drama about how Donald Trump went from wannabe to mogul (click for article)

This origin story does an excellent job of showing the rise and rise of Donald Trump

Jo-Ann Titmarsh

4 out of 5 stars

One of the hottest tickets in Cannes this year is Iranian director Ali Abbasi’s The Apprentice, his tale of the rise and rise of Donald Trump.

The apprentice in question is Trump himself (Sebastian Stan), while the master he serves and later usurps is Roy Cohn (Jeremy Strong), a lawyer who hobnobs with leaders and has the ear of the president.

Cohn is ruthless and will stop at nothing to attain what he wants, often in the name of a patriotism which equals hard-right conservatism.

The film opens in 1970s New York. Donald is a baby-faced teetotal rent collector for his dad, but he yearns to break free of his father’s grip and strive for greater things, obsessing over the tycoons and millionaires that frequent Le Club.

This is where he meets Cohn who takes Trump under his wing and instructs him to follow his three essential tenets, which are all about achieving, denial and how even a defeat can be turned into a win.

Abbasi deftly recreates the feel of the city and the darkness of those years. And what starts gritty becomes colourful once Ivana (Maria Bakalova) appears her platinum blonde hair, scarlet dress and matching glossy lips.

The other important people are his family members. Martin Donovan plays Fred, the abusive and monstrous family patriarch. Donald’s mother Mary (Iona Rose MacKay) is a less forceful presence, while Trump’s brother Freddy (Charlie Carrick) is sympathetically depicted as a man slowly but irrevocably broken by his father’s contempt.

As the film moves into the 1980s, the look changes completely as the Eighties vibe comes clearly into focus, like walking into the neon-lit bathroom of a dingy club.

There is nothing but tackiness here, that harsh lighting revealing the deals in Atlantic City, the over-the-top décor of the Trump home and the gaudiness of the couple’s life together, even as their relationship falls apart.

The harshness also highlights Trump’s ascension as Cohn begins to falter and the apprentice becomes the master.

The film ends with Trump drafting his book The Art of the Deal, in which he dictates those three tenets drummed into him by Cohn. Nothing about Trump is original. Nothing has been gained by him alone. And there is nothing he won’t do to get what he wants.

The two leads are fantastic: Stan navigates from naïve wannabe to glowering mogul and never loses his way or slips into parody. His vanity about his hair and his looks is on display from the beginning, but in the early years he is unsure of himself and there is a vulnerability about him. Strong is also utterly believable as Cohn, a man as vain as his disciple and certainly as dangerous.

It’s hard not to bring up comparisons with Succession here: a New York dynasty, a tyrannical father, the wealthy elite, the presence of Jeremy Strong who played Kendall Roy… there’s even a fleeting glimpse and mention of Rupert Murdoch, whom Cohn says Trump should cosy up to. And then there’s the excellent music by Martin Dirkov, which has echoes of the Succession theme.

There are some problems, the story is too linear and the screenplay, by Gabriel Sherman, full of scenes seen many times before, such as Cohn chasing after Trump in the street begging for an audience or Donald refusing his calls, and the director could have been more inventive in the fil. However, there is a lot of humour here, particularly thanks to the character of Cohn, and almost always at Trump’s expense.

The Apprentice is not going to change anyone’s mind about Trump, who is so vain that he will almost certainly love this film, despite the references to his plastic surgery and big butt.

But Abbasi does an excellent job of showing us how and why Trump became the Trump of today and how his path to presidency was paved.

[bisluthq]

the only time we ever saw taylor come out with a glass of wine on tour was at the end of the us leg…it was a celebration. your obsession with painting her as a liar is a bit strange ngl

I’m not obsessed with painting her as a liar at all but she has a very odd relationship with alcohol and has a looooong history of lying about that (often sensible white lies like when she was underage why would she admit to drinking lol? That’d be very irresponsible). Taylor was publicly drinking making and promoting Midnights, in November 2022 she was drinking at the EMAs, the pic of her and Joe out at dinner in December 2022 has them both drinking, she drank from Matty’s glass in Jan 2023 and hung out with them after as we know, she was drinking fuck heavily at the Grammys and afterparties (5 Feb 2023), and tour started on 17 March 2023. So the longest she could’ve “stopped” drinking to prep for the tour is… one month. Lmao. That’s not stopping drinking dude? That’s “I did a dry month challenge” lmao??? 🥲🥲🥲 She was going out pretty consistently after the breakup and I doubt she was teetotaling every time, and in May she was spotted with a glass of wine in her hand at dinner with Matty and Jack, and at Questlove’s party in July quite clearly has a drink in hand. Then in August there was that backstage pic, and she was seen drinking at Jack’s wedding, and then she started hanging with Travis and drinks publicly with him when they’re out pretty much every single fucking time they’re out. I’m sorry bestie but she… never “stopped” drinking. That’s just reality.

she very likely cut down in the lead up to tour and the first few shows and also while she was deciding what to do re Joe - I’m not saying she totally made it up and I guess maybe it felt like stopping lol because it was so hard for her to do and she probably needed to since she exercised a lot more and lost weight and stuff - but she never STOPPED because we have her drinking on tape pretty constantly? When are you thinking she stopped lol? Like… when? 🥲🥲

POTY came out in December 2023 so the fact that she was still popping off about the (maybe) month she “stopped” drinking is like… yea lulz.

again, it’s not me wanting her to lie. It’s that she demonstrably did. If Taylor Swift “stopped drinking” then I’m a survivor of an alien abduction lmfao. There’s as much credibility to both claims.

maybe she did a sober month. I’ll even give you that. But you don’t say you “stopped drinking” after a sober month lol unless you reallyyyy have a big problem (which fwiw I don’t think she does lol I think she just talks about this stuff weirdly and always has because she’s got hang ups around it idk).

[nephytale]

Fact about my muse: senritsu might avoid strong Alcohol nowdays beside a after-work-beer for understandable reasons, but she very much is undestructable when it comes to holding her drinks. How are the pirates holding up?

Tell me a fact about your oc and I will respond with a semi-related fact about mine

Oh dear, you've touched a point xD

Ryoko: During her depressive/self-destructive times, Ryoko drank until she fell unconscious on the floor because of sake, it was her only solution to her problems. Luckily she has an iron stomach and has never vomited, but she has fainted. After finding her brother and her place in the world, she became much more responsible and now knows how to enjoy a good glass of alcohol. She still enjoys going to taverns but she hasn't gotten drunk again, she just got to the point of "being happy." Anyway, now, being a much more finest woman, she enjoys drinking a good glass of wine from her homeland while she has a nice chat or a nice moment with herself. She prefers not to lose track of her senses and to always be ready.

Kosei: Kosei was raised under protocol and good taste. Despite his more rebellious nature, he doesn't usually drink much, just the occasional glass of wine from his homeland from time to time.

Ronin: He was teetotal, as heir to a family of guardians, he could not afford to have a drop of alcohol in his system, however, when he joined Ryoko's crew and promised to protect the princes with his life, he also learned to relax a little and be able to indulge in a little alcohol from time to time

Nozomi: She doesn't usually drink unless she's invited, but she doesn't go beyond one drink. She knows perfectly well the benefits and cons of drinking alcohol so she is very careful with it. Furthermore, due to her condition, she needs to have her senses at 100%. "A glass of wine a day is healthy. But just that, ONE"

Hideki and Kurayami: Oh my goodness. These two drink a lot. The difference is that Hideki becomes more talkative (or rather, talkative, since he speaks very little) and Kurayami becomes depressed

Sadashi: She doesn't drink alcohol, only energy drinks. There's no way you're going to change her mind.

Natsu: Although he wants to try alcohol, no one on the crew allows him to touch a single drop, because "he's underage" (He's 17, but they really enjoy teasing him about it), so instead, every time he wants to drink something, they give him non-alcoholic beer, or a glass of milk.

[desperatelyseekingcannibals]

Couldn't Wait (Martin/Markus/Grigg) - Shortfic

Explicit // M/M // Grigg (Jane Austen Book Club)/Martin (Druk)/Markus (Riders of Justice) // Tagged: Post canon Martin, Post canon Markus, AU Grigg, Martin and Anika didn't reconcile, guilt, divorce, trans male characters, trans Grigg, reconciliation, make-up sex, kissing, frotting, front hole fingering, hand job on a trans man, voyeurism, front hole sex, light choking, anal sex, double penetration, double penetration in two holes, threesome, m/m/m, squirting, potential future poly relationship, implied happy ending. Prompt fill.

Five years after his marriage ended, Martin's increasingly distant ex-wife gets back in touch via her new boyfriend.

Couldn't Wait (4.3k):

Martin woke up with a headache and promptly pulled the pillow over his face to block the light.

He’d been up late creating his lesson plan for next term so that he could enjoy the school break, but he hadn’t eaten dinner, and was suffering for it now. It felt somewhat unfair to wake up feeling like you were hungover having not touched a drop in years.

Martin wouldn’t say he was teetotal, but alcohol held guilt for him now, and especially drinking to excess. Ever since Tommy had died. Would that have happened if they hadn’t all been so foolish as to think they could all drink their problems away under the guise of a ridiculous experiment? He was never going to shake the guilt over Tommy having died because of their stupid group attempt to essentially be less boring.

Was he still boring? Yes, and he was fine with that. Not the same kind of boring he had been before that time, the time he now thought of as a bit of a midlife crisis.

Anika had no time for him then, but how much of that had been because he’d had no time for her? Looking back now, it was clear to him that they had both been deeply unhappy for quite some time.

The plan had been to hold each other’s hands when they got old. They had the kids, she had nursed his dad as he died, but none of it was enough when the joy was gone.

The last affectionate message he’d had from Anika was her message “I miss you too. A lot.” Which he’d hoped was the path to reconciliation, but instead it had been goodbye.

After that the only conversation had been through their lawyers and via text messages. Neither of them actively used their kids as communication, though occasionally something would slip. Enough that Martin knew Anika was still with the man she’d started seeing when she’d cheated on him.

He had a kid of his own, the boys got on with her, and he treated the boys well. That was all he allowed himself to care about. He hadn't seen her in person since the divorce was finalised. She hadn’t been able to look him in the eyes, and all he wanted to do was ask her about that final message. Why send it? What was the point? Did she still miss him?

None of it mattered now.

The boys were off at university so communication had been limited. In fact they barely messaged at all now. Mostly just to arrange which holidays they would have the kids. This school break they would be with her.

So it was a surprise when there was a knock on the door, and then another, louder knock. He’d never expect anyone this early unless it was the boys being dropped off.

Martin groaned and pulled himself from the bed, his head hurting all the more as lumbered to the door in just his boxers and t-shirt.

“Hello?” He said as he opened the door, blinking against the sun as he tried to focus on the man at his doorstep.

His hair was clipped short and he had a big beard, a haunted look in his warm eyes. He looked expectantly at Martin, as though it was Martin who had knocked on his door.

“Can I help you?” Martin asked, trying to ignore his banging head.

“Are you Martin?”

“Yes?” Martin squinted in both confusion and from the searing daylight.

“My name is Markus, I’m with… uh… with Anika.” Despite seeming not only confident but slightly menacing, it was strange that he stumbled over the words. “Can I come in?” He added as Martin continued to stare at him.

Continue on AO3

[breitzbachbea]

Oh oh 9 for team Sicily!

And 20 for Tahir, Paddy and Gabriella!

Ilich, I do not know how you are not tired of me talking about my kids yet, but I love you so much for your enthusiasm that I could sob <3

OC Ask Game

9: Did/do they play sports?

Nothing professional, but the twins loved to play football in the streets with their friends as they grew up! That applies both to their siblings and friends back home in Bagheria (though their oldest brothers and sisters rather played cards) and their later schoolfriends once Michele had enrolled them back in Palermo. In general, the twins love sports and physical exercise. They love to swim and to pair a visit to Mount Etna with a few days of snowboarding. Much in the same vein, I do think they went climbing once or twice in their life and used to have a phase in their youth where they spend a lot of time on skateboards with their friends. (There’s a skatepark in front of the Tribunale in Palermo, as of my last visit in fall 2021. Lots of ways this could be imbued with meaning in the text.)  I don’t think they ever did professional parkour, but they do enjoy finding creative and exciting ways to traverse a space. I mean, both of the twins have hobbies where they spend the majority of their time sitting on their ass: Marco sewing, Lorenzo playing cards, even their preoccupation with firearms and cooking respectively don’t require a lot of movement. It makes a lot of sense that they’d redress the balance with an interest in all kind of full-body exercise!

Michele was a rather lonely child, compared to them. He didn’t have any close friends and while he liked to go swim and snorkel in the sea, he wasn’t involved in any other sport. I imagine he likes to go hiking a lot these days, but aside from swimming, his main physical exercise is gardening.

20: Stupidest thing they’ve done while drunk?

Tahir: The thing with Tahir is that the number of stupid acts is already limited by the amount of times he has a drink. His family are all teetotal, so he never drank in his youth. During law school, he enjoyed a sip here and there, cautiously since he was aware that his family may still catch wind of it. On top of that, he didn’t want to risk his scholarship by an act of drunken stupidity. Most important of it all, however – Tahir doesn’t enjoy being black out drunk.

It was only after he graduated and had to be laid of the at his job at a law firm due to burnout that he got drunk more often to cope with his life. I therefore must conclude the most stupid thing he ever did drunk was burn something in the microwave of his shitty, shared apartment.

That’s not very funny though, so I’ll pivot a little bit away from the question and tell you what he thinks the most embarrassing thing he does drunk is.

Since he only drinks a glass or two of wine or liquor on occasion, he doesn’t have a very high tolerance. Which means that you give that man a litre of beer or less and his inhibitions will have significantly lowered. That does mean he’d talk more freely, but he’s also already a pissed off bitch sober, so any tongue lashings or snide comments hardly embarrass him the morning after. What does is being openly horny in public. It’s unseemly enough for him when he gets all cuddly and lovey-dovey with Robert for the whole world to see, but he’d really rather not be reminded of all the times he’d been fondling his thighs and tits and sucked on his neck in the corner of some pub that hosted a single other soul. Tahir’s worst nightmare already turned reality is being thirsty while wet.

Paddy: The problem with Paddy is that most of the stupid shit he did in his life, he did sober. Most of it also happened in Derry, where he rarely was the ringleader of Idiots Incorporated, but simply got roped into Kilian’s or Angus’ shenanigans. So rest assured, even if I’ll tell you the most stupid thing he ever did drunk, you have to know that it wasn’t the most stupid thing he ever did period.

It also depends on whether or not he must be the one to come up with the idea for it to count. If he has to be the instigator, it happened in Dublin – Then whatever bullshit happened was his idea and his idea alone. If he merely needed to be a participant in someone’s stupid idea, it happened in Derry – Idiots Incorporated, I already told you.

The most stupid thing that ever happened in Derry was theft and vandalism. I’ll tell you how it went, this was the conversation at the beginning of the evening: Angus: “Our church just got the most ugly saint sculpture ever seen. You honestly should mess with it.” Kilian: “Well, I’d love to, but if that gets out, your lot is going to be all political about it and blow shit up again.” Angus: “Maybe we wouldn’t be so touchy if your lot hadn’t brought the fucking army over here –“ Kilian: “That’s not us! Hey, that’s –“ Several pints later Kilian: “You know what, we’ll take that fucking bastard statue! Fuck them!” Angus: “You’re gonna laugh your arse off when you see it, it’s made by a blind man – Come along, Patrick!” Kilian: ���Aye, up big boy!”

Paradoxically, his drunk shenanigans were less severe in Dublin after he had started working for Aaron. I think the most stupid thing he ever did in Dublin was climb on furniture, promptly being almost crushed by the shelf or wall decoration he was getting on top off. If it wasn’t that, then the winner must go to him trying to have a nightly swim in one of Dublin’s rivers. Not the Liffey, he’s not insane, but the Dodder or the Tolka, which is clearly less insane.

… in retrospect, it is amazing that Paddy survived long enough to meet his equally insane foster children. Plus, there is a high chance that any act of stupidity was at least partly an attempt to impress a woman, which I am sure went well. What’s sexier than river water stink and hypothermia, am I right ladies? He did get laid, though. Being two meters tall and a meter wide will do that for you, even if you’re the most stupid cunt at the pub. Or in the Tolka.

Gabriella: Objectively seen, the most stupid thing she did drunk happened while she was a teenager. She was the model child at home, but that doesn’t negate her being an average teenager as well. She and a bunch of her friends got drunk one night and stole something out of a minimarket, giggling and screaming once they had made it ten metres away from the market and began to haul ass. Somebody she knew fell into the channels on one of Venice’s islands that night. Her best friend Giovanna shared a stolen piece of candy with her and that memory will be burnt into her mind until the end of time.

Subjectively seen, the most stupid thing she did drunk happened some time after Italian Affairs. Team Italy was out for the night, Gabriella got drunk off her tits and confessed to either Lovino or Francesco, if not both, that she was in love with them at some point in time. She only kept Francesco at arm’s length, because she thought she was a lesbian and her feelings for him confused her mightily. (For context, one of the reasons that Gabriella went after Dolcetto when he ran away from home was that she wanted some time away from her parents & peers to figure out her own sexuality.) But she was in love with Francesco and had she known about bisexuality earlier, she would have probably given in to his affections. Lovino she tells that she still got a little crush on him and probably always will have. She does assure him it changes nothing about their friendship and that it would never have worked anyways, but she wanted him to know about the crush bit. Gabriella spends the day after mortified over her actions. She wants the ground to swallow her. Lovino is as charming to her as ever, no more, no less. There is a good chance he has already forgotten last night’s confession. Francesco tries to calm her nerves, but never makes any indication that he knows the reason why they're wrecked nor that he doesn't buy her lame excuses. It’s never brought up again.

[shitboy96]

another stranger in the void — i read it and i think maybe i don't have the best relationship with alcohol. i'm not ready to give it up yet but this was nice to read since you aren't being all self righteous about it as people tend to be when they cut out a substance. it's food for thought though and i'll give you some credit in my mind when i do give it up eventually. thanks tom <3

No problem! Just to say as well I’m not giving up alcohol 100%, I know I can have a drink or two every now and then, I’m just going to stop putting myself in situations where I can binge drink (parties etc) when things get out of hand. Or if I do, having a very strict 2 or 3 drink maximum. Total abstinence is not for everyone and I think it’s important to recognise you can have an issue with drinking and take steps to address it without going completely teetotal!

[girltrashstl7]

Do not be so worried about people being "WOKE" THAT YOU FALL ASLEEP. GOD SAID "DO NOT COVET ANOTHER PERSON'S SPOUSE." GOD DID NOT SAY "PLEASE DO NOT COVET ANOTHER PERSON SPOUSE: BUT IF YOU DO HAPPE. TO SLEEP WITH A PORN STAR LIKE STORMY DANIELS: WHILE YOUR WIFE IS IN THE HOSPITAL GIVING BIRTH: BECAUSE YOU HAPPEN TO BE A SERIAL CHEATER: WHO NEVER PLANS TO BECOME A NEW CREATURE IN CHRIST. YOU INSTEAD PLAN TO BLASPHEME: HOLY SPIRIT, JESUS, & ME: JUST KEEP COMMITTING THE SAME ADULTRY SIN & JUST KEEP ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS: THAT IS OK. BECAUSE I DO NT REALLY MEAN WHAT I SAID: THAT IS WHY I ASKED NICELY & SAID PLEASE: BECAUSE LOYALTY & COMMITTMENT IS REALLY JUST AN OPTION. OH BYE THE WAY DO NOT USE ANY PROTECTION WHEN CHEATING ON YOUR SPOUSE: SO YOU CAN ALSO BRING HOME SOME DISEASES.

Charlene Smith BLACK PEOPLE INVENTED COUNTRY MUSIC: SO ALL BLACK PEOPLE ARE A LITTLE COUNTRY LIKE: DEFORD BAILEY, RUFUS "TEETOT" PAYNE, LESLEY RIDDLE, CHARLEY PRIDE, RAY CHARLES, LAMELLE PRINCE, LINDA MARTELL, POINTER SISTERS, LIONEL RICHIE ALL HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO COUNTRY MUSIC. BLACKS SLAVES BROUGHT: 1. GUITARS, 2. DRUMS, 3. BANJOS, 4. COUNTRY MUSIC TO USA FROM AFRICA: BUT RACISTS WHITE WASHED COUNTRY MUSIC & STOLE IT FROM BLACK PEOPLE LEARN YOUR DAMN HISTORY & YOU WOULD NOT EVER SAY ANY BLACK PERSON IS NOT ALLOWED TO PLAY THE COUNTRY MUSIC OUR ANCESTORS BROUGHT TO USA. TIRED OF RACIST. Republicans are re-writing the 10th commandment by complaining about Beyoncé version of Jolene. So the Bible the Republicans care so much about means NOTHING & GOD MEANS NOTHING TO THEM.

According to Megyn Kelly & all the MAGA FOLKS ON THE RIGHT GOD SHOULD HAVE SAID:

"PLEASE DO NOT COVET ANOTHER PERSON'S SPOUSE: BUT IF YOU DO HAVE UNPROTRCTED SEX WITH A BUNCH OF PORN STARS LIKE STORMY DANIELS OR PROSTITUTES: THAT IS OK BECAUSE I AM GIVING YOU LICENSE TO CHEAT CAUSE I REALLY DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR FAMILY NOR DO I MEAN WHAT I SAY."

THE REAL COMMANDMENT SAYS:

You shall not covet your neighbor’s house . . . your neighbor’s spouse . . . nor anything that is your neighbor’s” (Exodus 20:17). The 10th Commandment.

Dolly Parton gave Beyonce permission to remake Jolene: so nobody should be complaining about it: especially Megyn Kelly who is on her second marriage: unless she wants her husband whoring around on her with a porn star like Stormy Daniel's. What is wrong with saying no I do not want my husband cheating on me: because I personally would have a problem with that. What idiot wants to give their spouse a "DONALD TRUMP UNPROTECTED, UNSAFE SEX, MAGA LICENSE TO CHEAT WITH PORN STARS & PROSTITUTES LIKE WHAT MEGYN KELLY IS DOING & SUGGESTING. DOLLY WAS POLITE PLEASE DON'T CHEAT BACK IN THE 1960'S WELL Beyoncé IS WORTH A BILLION DOLLARS SHE IS SAYING DON'T CHEAT PERIOD NO PLEASE IN THEIR CAUSE YOU & YOUR GIRLFRIEND GOING TO HAVE A BILLION DOLLAR PROBLEM.

Instead of saying please don't cheat Beyonce is saying DONT TRY IT: DONT CHEAT. I AINT GONNA STAND FOR IT. Dolly Parton gave Beyonce permission to remake Jolene: so nobody should be complaining about it: especially Megyn Kelly who is on her second marriage: unless she wants her husband whoring around on her with a porn star like Stormy Daniel's. What is wrong with saying no I do not want my husband cheating on me: because I personally would have a problem with that. What idiot wants to give their husband a license to CHEAT LIKE WHAT MEGYN KELLY IS DOING. IS THE RIGHT CONSERVATIVE FOLKS ALL WANT THE SPOUSES SLEEPING WITH PORN STARS & PROSTITUTES WITH NO CONDOMS: WHILE THEY BLINDLY TRUST THEIR MATES LIKE MELANIA TRUSTED DONALD TRUMP. DONALD TRUMP WAS BANGING A PORN STAR: WHEN MELANIA WAS GIVING BIRTH TO BARRON: WHAT IS WRONG WITH SAYING "CHEATING ON ME IS NOT OK." DO YOU WANT YOUR WIFE CHEATING ON YOU: ARE YOU GIVING YOUR WIFE A POLITE LICENSE TO CHEAT?

[lamelleprince]

Do not be so worried about people being "WOKE" THAT YOU FALL ASLEEP. GOD SAID "DO NOT COVET ANOTHER PERSON'S SPOUSE." GOD DID NOT SAY "PLEASE DO NOT COVET ANOTHER PERSON SPOUSE: BUT IF YOU DO HAPPE. TO SLEEP WITH A PORN STAR LIKE STORMY DANIELS: WHILE YOUR WIFE IS IN THE HOSPITAL GIVING BIRTH: BECAUSE YOU HAPPEN TO BE A SERIAL CHEATER: WHO NEVER PLANS TO BECOME A NEW CREATURE IN CHRIST. YOU INSTEAD PLAN TO BLASPHEME: HOLY SPIRIT, JESUS, & ME: JUST KEEP COMMITTING THE SAME ADULTRY SIN & JUST KEEP ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS: THAT IS OK. BECAUSE I DO NT REALLY MEAN WHAT I SAID: THAT IS WHY I ASKED NICELY & SAID PLEASE: BECAUSE LOYALTY & COMMITTMENT IS REALLY JUST AN OPTION. OH BYE THE WAY DO NOT USE ANY PROTECTION WHEN CHEATING ON YOUR SPOUSE: SO YOU CAN ALSO BRING HOME SOME DISEASES.

Charlene Smith BLACK PEOPLE INVENTED COUNTRY MUSIC: SO ALL BLACK PEOPLE ARE A LITTLE COUNTRY LIKE: DEFORD BAILEY, RUFUS "TEETOT" PAYNE, LESLEY RIDDLE, CHARLEY PRIDE, RAY CHARLES, LAMELLE PRINCE, LINDA MARTELL, POINTER SISTERS, LIONEL RICHIE ALL HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO COUNTRY MUSIC. BLACKS SLAVES BROUGHT: 1. GUITARS, 2. DRUMS, 3. BANJOS, 4. COUNTRY MUSIC TO USA FROM AFRICA: BUT RACISTS WHITE WASHED COUNTRY MUSIC & STOLE IT FROM BLACK PEOPLE LEARN YOUR DAMN HISTORY & YOU WOULD NOT EVER SAY ANY BLACK PERSON IS NOT ALLOWED TO PLAY THE COUNTRY MUSIC OUR ANCESTORS BROUGHT TO USA. TIRED OF RACIST. Republicans are re-writing the 10th commandment by complaining about Beyoncé version of Jolene. So the Bible the Republicans care so much about means NOTHING & GOD MEANS NOTHING TO THEM.

According to Megyn Kelly & all the MAGA FOLKS ON THE RIGHT GOD SHOULD HAVE SAID:

"PLEASE DO NOT COVET ANOTHER PERSON'S SPOUSE: BUT IF YOU DO HAVE UNPROTRCTED SEX WITH A BUNCH OF PORN STARS LIKE STORMY DANIELS OR PROSTITUTES: THAT IS OK BECAUSE I AM GIVING YOU LICENSE TO CHEAT CAUSE I REALLY DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR FAMILY NOR DO I MEAN WHAT I SAY."

THE REAL COMMANDMENT SAYS:

You shall not covet your neighbor’s house . . . your neighbor’s spouse . . . nor anything that is your neighbor’s” (Exodus 20:17). The 10th Commandment.

Dolly Parton gave Beyonce permission to remake Jolene: so nobody should be complaining about it: especially Megyn Kelly who is on her second marriage: unless she wants her husband whoring around on her with a porn star like Stormy Daniel's. What is wrong with saying no I do not want my husband cheating on me: because I personally would have a problem with that. What idiot wants to give their spouse a "DONALD TRUMP UNPROTECTED, UNSAFE SEX, MAGA LICENSE TO CHEAT WITH PORN STARS & PROSTITUTES LIKE WHAT MEGYN KELLY IS DOING & SUGGESTING. DOLLY WAS POLITE PLEASE DON'T CHEAT BACK IN THE 1960'S WELL Beyoncé IS WORTH A BILLION DOLLARS SHE IS SAYING DON'T CHEAT PERIOD NO PLEASE IN THEIR CAUSE YOU & YOUR GIRLFRIEND GOING TO HAVE A BILLION DOLLAR PROBLEM.

Instead of saying please don't cheat Beyonce is saying DONT TRY IT: DONT CHEAT. I AINT GONNA STAND FOR IT. Dolly Parton gave Beyonce permission to remake Jolene: so nobody should be complaining about it: especially Megyn Kelly who is on her second marriage: unless she wants her husband whoring around on her with a porn star like Stormy Daniel's. What is wrong with saying no I do not want my husband cheating on me: because I personally would have a problem with that. What idiot wants to give their husband a license to CHEAT LIKE WHAT MEGYN KELLY IS DOING. IS THE RIGHT CONSERVATIVE FOLKS ALL WANT THE SPOUSES SLEEPING WITH PORN STARS & PROSTITUTES WITH NO CONDOMS: WHILE THEY BLINDLY TRUST THEIR MATES LIKE MELANIA TRUSTED DONALD TRUMP. DONALD TRUMP WAS BANGING A PORN STAR: WHEN MELANIA WAS GIVING BIRTH TO BARRON: WHAT IS WRONG WITH SAYING "CHEATING ON ME IS NOT OK." DO YOU WANT YOUR WIFE CHEATING ON YOU: ARE YOU GIVING YOUR WIFE A POLITE LICENSE TO CHEAT?

[beyhivecountrymusicradio]

Do not be so worried about people being "WOKE" THAT YOU FALL ASLEEP. GOD SAID "DO NOT COVET ANOTHER PERSON'S SPOUSE." GOD DID NOT SAY "PLEASE DO NOT COVET ANOTHER PERSON SPOUSE: BUT IF YOU DO HAPPE. TO SLEEP WITH A PORN STAR LIKE STORMY DANIELS: WHILE YOUR WIFE IS IN THE HOSPITAL GIVING BIRTH: BECAUSE YOU HAPPEN TO BE A SERIAL CHEATER: WHO NEVER PLANS TO BECOME A NEW CREATURE IN CHRIST. YOU INSTEAD PLAN TO BLASPHEME: HOLY SPIRIT, JESUS, & ME: JUST KEEP COMMITTING THE SAME ADULTRY SIN & JUST KEEP ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS: THAT IS OK. BECAUSE I DO NT REALLY MEAN WHAT I SAID: THAT IS WHY I ASKED NICELY & SAID PLEASE: BECAUSE LOYALTY & COMMITTMENT IS REALLY JUST AN OPTION. OH BYE THE WAY DO NOT USE ANY PROTECTION WHEN CHEATING ON YOUR SPOUSE: SO YOU CAN ALSO BRING HOME SOME DISEASES.

Charlene Smith BLACK PEOPLE INVENTED COUNTRY MUSIC: SO ALL BLACK PEOPLE ARE A LITTLE COUNTRY LIKE: DEFORD BAILEY, RUFUS "TEETOT" PAYNE, LESLEY RIDDLE, CHARLEY PRIDE, RAY CHARLES, LAMELLE PRINCE, LINDA MARTELL, POINTER SISTERS, LIONEL RICHIE ALL HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO COUNTRY MUSIC. BLACKS SLAVES BROUGHT: 1. GUITARS, 2. DRUMS, 3. BANJOS, 4. COUNTRY MUSIC TO USA FROM AFRICA: BUT RACISTS WHITE WASHED COUNTRY MUSIC & STOLE IT FROM BLACK PEOPLE LEARN YOUR DAMN HISTORY & YOU WOULD NOT EVER SAY ANY BLACK PERSON IS NOT ALLOWED TO PLAY THE COUNTRY MUSIC OUR ANCESTORS BROUGHT TO USA. TIRED OF RACIST. Republicans are re-writing the 10th commandment by complaining about Beyoncé version of Jolene. So the Bible the Republicans care so much about means NOTHING & GOD MEANS NOTHING TO THEM.

According to Megyn Kelly & all the MAGA FOLKS ON THE RIGHT GOD SHOULD HAVE SAID:

"PLEASE DO NOT COVET ANOTHER PERSON'S SPOUSE: BUT IF YOU DO HAVE UNPROTRCTED SEX WITH A BUNCH OF PORN STARS LIKE STORMY DANIELS OR PROSTITUTES: THAT IS OK BECAUSE I AM GIVING YOU LICENSE TO CHEAT CAUSE I REALLY DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR FAMILY NOR DO I MEAN WHAT I SAY."

THE REAL COMMANDMENT SAYS:

You shall not covet your neighbor’s house . . . your neighbor’s spouse . . . nor anything that is your neighbor’s” (Exodus 20:17). The 10th Commandment.

Dolly Parton gave Beyonce permission to remake Jolene: so nobody should be complaining about it: especially Megyn Kelly who is on her second marriage: unless she wants her husband whoring around on her with a porn star like Stormy Daniel's. What is wrong with saying no I do not want my husband cheating on me: because I personally would have a problem with that. What idiot wants to give their spouse a "DONALD TRUMP UNPROTECTED, UNSAFE SEX, MAGA LICENSE TO CHEAT WITH PORN STARS & PROSTITUTES LIKE WHAT MEGYN KELLY IS DOING & SUGGESTING. DOLLY WAS POLITE PLEASE DON'T CHEAT BACK IN THE 1960'S WELL Beyoncé IS WORTH A BILLION DOLLARS SHE IS SAYING DON'T CHEAT PERIOD NO PLEASE IN THEIR CAUSE YOU & YOUR GIRLFRIEND GOING TO HAVE A BILLION DOLLAR PROBLEM.

Instead of saying please don't cheat Beyonce is saying DONT TRY IT: DONT CHEAT. I AINT GONNA STAND FOR IT. Dolly Parton gave Beyonce permission to remake Jolene: so nobody should be complaining about it: especially Megyn Kelly who is on her second marriage: unless she wants her husband whoring around on her with a porn star like Stormy Daniel's. What is wrong with saying no I do not want my husband cheating on me: because I personally would have a problem with that. What idiot wants to give their husband a license to CHEAT LIKE WHAT MEGYN KELLY IS DOING. IS THE RIGHT CONSERVATIVE FOLKS ALL WANT THE SPOUSES SLEEPING WITH PORN STARS & PROSTITUTES WITH NO CONDOMS: WHILE THEY BLINDLY TRUST THEIR MATES LIKE MELANIA TRUSTED DONALD TRUMP. DONALD TRUMP WAS BANGING A PORN STAR: WHEN MELANIA WAS GIVING BIRTH TO BARRON: WHAT IS WRONG WITH SAYING "CHEATING ON ME IS NOT OK." DO YOU WANT YOUR WIFE CHEATING ON YOU: ARE YOU GIVING YOUR WIFE A POLITE LICENSE TO CHEAT?

[gikairan]

Like, I dunno how many people feel the same way.

But when there's something that's considered UNIVERSAL, and you.... do not fit into that mould, it's an extra level of frustration

Like, there's an ingredient you don't like. ... but it's extremely common in your cultures food. To the point where it's actively difficult to find food that DOESNT contain that ingredient, or you have to constantly ask restaurants to remove it from dishes.

You know how hard it is to be British and NOT like cheese? People will grab a load of pizza to cater for a large group, and then you realise.... they ordered JUST pizza..... nothing else. there are whole restaurants out there whose entire menu is covered in cheese. Like, even vegan food is often covered in vegan cheese..... and when the problem is the /taste/, not what it's made of, it's hard to avoid....

Im teetotal. I don't drink. I've NEVER drunk. I actively hate the taste of the alcohol itself. It's frustrating when people assume I drink, just because everyone else does. I'm forever irritated by having to explain why I choose not to drink to people.

But also just assuming everyone has a certain skill...

I chose not to learn to drive. I never felt safe on a bike once the stabilisers came off. I either walk, or get public transport (I don't fancy spending Money on a folding trike I might never use). And for someone to have booked me on a bike tour without considering "hey, can she actually ride a bike?" first is.... just frustrating.

(and let's not get into the whole "I do not want to co-inhabit with people, and I actively recoil at the idea of having a Partner" thing)

It feels like the universe constantly saying "hey, you're doing existence wrong!" when there is nothing wrong with my choices. It's people just not considering that MAYBE there's someone who might not Fit.....

And all I ask for in this world is for people to challenge those moments of "well everyone likes x", "everyone can do y", "z is something we all want" and consider

Not everyone likes x. Not everyone can do y. Not everyone WANTS z.

And consider a possibility where someone might not fit in with a particular plan, and arrange an alternative just in case.

[bisluthq]

Agree that drinking is completely normalised in British culture. Adults will pressure you to drink!

I teach in a secondary school and have stopped socialising in groups with other staff members because they laughed at me when I said I was sticking to Diet Coke and juice.

Oh, are you pregnant?

I bet you're fun at parties.

Just relax.

If you're short this month I'll buy you a drink.

The Head of Year I work with was also pouring the wine at a departmental meeting that started at 2pm and I got so many comments when I refused a glass.

I don't even have issues with alcohol, just don't like the taste at all and even a small amount gives me a headache.

SEE this is my point.

And again - I don’t know Taylor Swift and have fuck all clue about her issues lol - but what I see is drinking (beyond what’s normal which imo is my mum who drinks legit whenever she feels like but that’s every few months and more on holidays) and I have to ask like… “is this okay?” And it’s obviously not and it’s nbd right? Right? Except when you’re drinking all the time it kinda is an issue. And if you need booze to have fun it kinda is an issue. And if you avoid events where you won’t have booze it kinda is an issue. And if you make friends and your partner get awkward it kinda is an issue.

not a “let’s get this person to rehab issue” but… an issue.

I genuinely wish - and I say this as someone who drinks more than she should often and takes recreational drugs and I say that for people who think I’m judgmental - we’d get better at treating alcohol like we did cigarettes. I’ll say again, I’ve personally had more people directly comment on me chainsmoking (which I shouldn’t do and TAYLOR certainly doesn’t) than on drinking but idk that my smoking is any worse than my drinking. Like be real please. If you couldn’t have fun out without getting sloshed then either you were with a bad crew (not true for Taylor on this occasion because Travis kept intercepting her and just seemed fucking lovely and willing to have fun too) or… you’ve got some shit to deal with.

and again fuck Taylor lol who cares - lady’s fine either way - but let’s think about how this normalizes behaviors that should not be normal???

Also since I cut down actively (and part of the reason I stopped teetotaling) is I kept being asked if I’m pregnant. But like my response to that (also problematic) is to sip on a drink all night and smoke like a fucking chimney so people don’t ask because then it’s pretty clear. Why should I HAVE to make that clear? Why should saying “I’d rather have a juice” - juices are delicious - mean anything more than that?

Again, this is a societal problem though and Taylor is a symptom of it. All I’m saying.

[recovery4ever]

Beating Addiction: Why You Should Consider Living Teetotal

.

Living a teetotal lifestyle is becoming more common, as more people become aware of the dangers of drug and alcohol abuse. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, it can be beneficial to become a teetotaler. But why should you be a teetotaler? Here are a few reasons: • Reduced Risks of Health Problems: Teetotalers don't need to worry about the risk of suffering health problems or diseases as a result of heavy drinking. The risk of liver, heart, and other health problems due to alcohol consumption is significantly reduced when you abstain from drinking. • Improved Mental Health: Alcohol can have a negative effect on mental health. When you become a teetotaler, you reduce the risk of depression and other mental health issues related to alcohol consumption. • Financial Benefits: If you become a teetotaler, you won't be spending money on alcohol. This can be a great way to save money over time, and you can use that money in other ways. Whether you’re a recovering addict or if you’re looking to avoid the potential problems associated with alcohol consumption, becoming a teetotaler can be a great option. If you or someone you know is dealing with substance abuse, it’s important to seek help from one of the many drug rehabilitation services available. Addiction treatment centers can provide essential help for those struggling with substance abuse. Letting go of alcohol or other substances can be a difficult process, but it’s not impossible. There are resources available to assist in the transition to a teetotal lifestyle. Talking with a trained professional can make all the difference on a person’s journey towards sobriety. At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that you are not alone in this journey. Alcohol and substance abuse is a major health concern in our country, and if you are considering becoming a teetotaler, know that there are people and resources available to assist you. If you are looking for more information, don’t hesitate to reach out to a resource like Banyan Treatment Center to learn more.

[pro-ship-self-ships]

(tw: alcohol/alcoholism?) I hate alcohol, so I headcanon all my faves that aren't shown to be drinking something that is explicitly alcohol as teetotal like me. And that's like... all of them but two, and one of the two has alcoholism problems so in my story he manages to quit and becomes teetotal after that. (I got to research alcohol withdrawal symptoms for that though, so that was interesting!)

Original ask date: April 23 2021

makes sense, you do what you do. i am curious about what you learned while researching, since it isnt really something ive looked into