#ted speaks

[stuck-in-the-box]

OH SHIT. OH FUCK. OH SHIT. OH FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK-

[cigarettes-and-psychosis]

Took so many pills I wanted but now h can’t move or talk

[the-phantom-peach]

🗣️ huh?? what do you mean I haven’t posted any Link signing propaganda yet??

[shepscapades]

Contrary to popular belief etho and bdubs are not divorced and in this essay I will

[pearly-sims]

My favorite bastards of all time (and space)

[minyard-05]

no no no guys do you. Do you get it.

^^^^ this wasn't aaron warning neil off of andrew!! this was a test!!

it was a test in the exact same way andrew threatening katelyn at the library was a test, the same way andrew drugging neil at eden's was a test– this is aaron assessing neil as a threat to andrew and to him. if he'd wanted andreil to be over, he would've fucking said it– he would've outright told neil to stay away from his brother. but he doesn't. he asks why. admittedly, he doesn't do it in the best of ways, but that's the point. he purposefully gets neil angry to see if he'll slip up and give something away. that's why he brings up drake and that's why it had to be aaron. aaron doesn't give a fuck what neil thinks of him, he's well aware that neil doesn't like him and he doesn't care. but he's able to get to him through andrew, essentially, and if anything, aaron's right. neil is exactly as much of a violation of their deal as katelyn is– aaron is approaching the situation the exact same way andrew did. andrew understands that, so if he did know that aaron talked to neil (and i think he probably would've figured it out if neil doesnt tell him), he wouldn't be able to hold it against him the same way aaron can't hold andrew's threats to katelyn against his brother.

nicky is the one that thinks it's hate sex, aaron thinks its something else. neil passes aaron's test the second he punches him, really. the fact that he leaves after neil admits he doesn't think andrew would fight for him is clear evidence– aaron didn't approach that conversation expecting neil to admit he was just using andrew (and if he had, aaron probably would've punched him)– he went into it knowing that it had to happen in order for the deal to be ended. neil tells aaron to figure out what you have to do to make him let you go, and that's exactly what aaron does. he figures out that neil is how he breaks the deal and he takes that to andrew as an ultimatum– either they keep the deal and break things off with both of their partners, or the deal is over; andrew keeps neil, aaron keeps katelyn.

aaron minyard is a LOT smarter than he lets on– the reason we don't see all of this play out is because neil doesn't realise that he's technically part of that deal.

[gaygirldoodles]

"Will and Nico are a golden retriever and black cat duo-"

NO

Nico is still a black cat, yes. Even if you look at actual black cats who tend to be chaotic balls of chaos. And having Nico be the Void Cat ™️ makes sense

But Will is not a golden retriever

Partially because he's not the sunshine character everyone makes him out to be

And he doesn't have that super hyper, super clingy personality of a golden retriever

Bro is a wet cat

NICO CANONICALLY SAID HE LOOKS LIKE A LANKY CAT IN THE BLOOD OF OLYMPUS

NICO AND WILL ARE THE BLACK CAT AND ORANGE CAT RELATIONSHIP

[dontmixpaintinyourcoffee]

More of my favorite Prudes <3

Alright, left to right, top to bottom:

1. I just get the vibe that Grace has beef with Richie specifically but for no discernable reason ("Richie, the whole point is that it's in the dark!" + "No, this is where you GROW UP!") and the second the sentence popped into my head I had to draw it. Also consider how goddamn funny the image of Grace pulling bleach and gloves and a bone saw out of her backpack is because holy shit did she have a contingency plan

2. I think that Pete saw Ted as the coolest big brother in the world right up until the exact minute he introduced him to Steph and suddenly Ted had the power to be very embarrassing in front of Pete's friends. (He would be used to this, as this is standard older sibling shithead behavior, but he's never had friends for Ted to tease him in front of.) I do think the Spankoffski brothers are really interesting, especially with what an asshole Ted is. In Abstinence Camp Pete does seem to really look up to him. Ted does not hide the fact that he's a massive prick, so the fact that Pete sees him as a positive figure implies that he's one of the very few people that Ted actually tries to be a good person for. Makes a lot of sense too, the age gap between them is massive, so Pete has no way of knowing the kind of sleazy shit Ted does, he's just the cool older brother to him. Also heheheh I did the funny meme

3. All her brothers got one so I gave Webby a humansona. I don't know why she ended up looking like 90s Gwen Stacy but I kinda like it? I was going for classic straight-a student, not quite as frilly as Grace, but very academic and cute. I also think that Webby should be allowed to be a little cosmically horrifying as a treat (watching her casually fucking evaporate Willabella was so unnerving and cool, I would love more of that.) She lets herself be soft and gentle for Hannah's benefit, don't want to scare a little kid after all, but she exists far beyond those... Limitations.

4. Ok this one is highly inspired by a series of drawings by @samglyph , the concept of Ghost Ruth and Richie took my brain captive. So go show them some love!!!!!

[rotato-potato]

I just think I deserved to hear jamie tartt say non-monogomeh

[stuck-in-the-box]

You know, I think the weirdest thing about being out is just how...uneventful everything is. It's so quiet. I don't really know what to do with myself to be honest.

[ann7av]

Back to something that took me out entirely during OS. Are you telling me Violet was born, raised, and even participated in these religious practices yet she's NEVER once in her life questioned how Dunne's follower bleach their hair silver? That temple is in Tyrrendor???

And you also want me to believe NO ONE else in the entire kingdom put those two pieces together??? Like Xaden?? WHO GREW UP BESIDES SAID TEMPLE?

There was a law banning the dedication of children and infants, so presumably it was common knowledge parents did this in the past, and there's this little girl up and around with hair suspiciously similar to Dunne's priestesses (aka a major religious organization) and absolutely no one called fantasy cps or anything??? Most importantly, again, how didn't Violet know about this super special hair tradition??? IT'S HER RELIGION

[aesthetixhoe]

warnings: none! ill make more with nsfw things later !

CURRENTLY THINKING ABOUT my chuckle sandwich head cannons

ted:

loves being called teddy and theo but no one else calls him it :(

loves when you steal his clothes and pretends to not know where they went

forehead kisser

olive theory (or pickles, tomatoes, onion, whatever you like and he pretends not to do you can have extra)

“sweetheart”

“honey”

hugs from behind with head kisses

where he towers over you

the party was…fine. following the streamy awards, the venue being filled with content creators… which you were not. ted went to go get drinks, leaving you alone. a fish out of water. after some time standing alone awkwardly, you pull your phone out briefly to check the time and your notifications. as you’re clearing them you feel two arms come around your middle.

you momentarily flinch, caught off guard, but as soon as you feel a kiss pressed to the top of your head you relax. you turn, looking up and finding ted, craning your neck to meet his eyes.

“scare ya, hon?” he chuckles, feeling you turn around in his arms.

“just a little.” you giggle, taking the glass from his hand. “was fine when you kissed me though…” you smile slyly up at him.

“oh yeah?” he raises an eyebrow, following along with your train of thought. “how ‘bout i give you another hmm?” you beam up at him, nodding. he leans down empty hand pulling you closer by your waist, pressing his lips to yours. you smile against his mouth,exhaling softly through your nose. when you pull back and meet his eyes they’re practically shining down at you with adoration. “love showing you off, sweetheart.”

love language is touch

also words of affirmation

he says “i love you” probably 3 times an hour

loves date nights

takes candid pictures of you often (how can he not, you’re so pretty)

charlie:

when cuddling he holds your stomach so he can feel when you laugh

loves cooking for you

he often wakes up before you so he’ll make breakfast for you to wake up to

loves teaching you how to play dnd (or a different game if you already know dnd)

rock gifter

so many inside jokes

“babe”

kiss monster

“c’mere.” he says as soon as you walk into the living room with your dinner.

“char, i need to eat…” you say, sitting down beside him on the couch.

“just a second, promise.” he smiles over at you. you give him a quick peck on the lips. bad choice. he smiles evilly before you get pushed back in the couch, charlie on top of you stopping you from getting out of his grasp. he has your hands above your head, his lips kissing you wherever he can reach. your neck, your chest, he moves up to your face attacking you with his quick kisses.

you can’t conceal the giggles falling out of your mouth with his cuteness aggression. “char!” you laugh out, but to no avail. he won’t stop until he’s satisfied. he finally pulls back after covering every inch of you with his kisses. “you’re relentless!” you sigh out, getting your hands back and wrapping your arms around his neck. you pull him down to touch your lips to his, a slow, gentle kiss this time. you feel each other smiling against each others mouths.

“i have to reheat my food now!” you groan out, a soft laugh following.

will burry his head in your neck

love language is physically touch or acts of service

schlatt:

loves when you wear his clothes

quickest way to his heart is his cats

isn’t big on pda

but he will have a hand on your back guiding or holds pinkies with you to not lose you

he actually does use toots

but he also uses angel

puts his hands on your waist when standing behind you. which he often does

very introverted and doesn’t go out much

love language is quality time

every other one he brushes off by saying “it’s not big deal” or “it’s nothin’ special”

“oh hey, i got you somethin’. i left in on the counter for ya.” he says simply, walking into the living room. you get up, confused. no anniversary, no birthday… did he get you food?

you get to the counter and sitting in the middle is a long rectangular box. you furrow your brows and open it, revealing a tiffany & co necklace you saw online and really wanted. it just wasn’t in your budget for this month.

“jay… no way you bought this for me.” you half scoff in disbelief walking back into the living room.

“eh, it was nothin’. i saw you eyeing’ it on your phone couple of weeks ago. figured why not?” he says looking up at you, a slight smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. you jump into his lap, tackling him in a hug.

lowkey a sugar daddy…

sings softly around the house and gets flustered when you hear

drive by ruffles your hair

is actually a big cuddler. loves having his head laid on some part of you

[tiffoii]

Jeff Fowler if you can hear me, please let Agent Stone grow out his hair.

Give Stone wavy hair.

Give Stone wavy hair.

Give Stone wavy hair.

Give Stone wavy hair.

Give Stone wavy hair.

Give Stone wavy hair.

Give Stone wavy hair.

Give Stone wavy hair.

Give Stone wavy hair.

Give Stone wavy hair.

Give Stone wavy hair.

Give Stone wavy hair.

[pearly-sims]

Gotta give his Teddy Bear some enrichment 💛

[og-penningpoppies]

Does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night changes

[strivia]

Just got struck by the thought of a TGWDLM fic where Peter isn't infected early at Beanies, and instead is shepherded around with the rest of the group and Ted goes protective older brother mode over him.

Mayhaps Paul actually recognizes him as Ted's younger sibling at Beanies and (because Pete perpetually is always waiting for his hot chocolate and I could see not liking coffee) he doesn't get gooed.

If fic like this exists please rec it!