#ted finds out it's trent but not that trent knows so they both know who the other is but not that the other knows who they are

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

(via @rebloogggs ) #ok but wait wait WAIT HERE ME OUT#what if trent IS there for the diamond dogs meeting#and ted is freaking out over the ethics of being the celebrity crush of some rando on bantr#and he wants to be honest and come clean that he is He but beard points out that could be dangerous and could lead to stalker behavior#so they agree#talk to the bantr pal a bit more figure out if they can be trusted with his true identity#MEANWHILE trent is losing his shit because he just confessed to ted without knowing it was ted#hE CONFESSED TWICE since ted is both his celebrity and work crush#and now the ball's in his court and he has to figure out what to do next without humiliating himself any further or worse risk rejection#and he's gonna tell ted he is truly he will. but just not right now#LAYERS UPON LAYERS

oh DEFINITELY trent is freaking out death grip on pen it's a miracle no one's noticed bc he's dealing with Way Too Much Shit simultaneously. a) he just thought he was getting over ted and moving on to a really nice new guy he met on bantr. which was a big deal and really really good for him and he really liked this guy so much and---SIKE that's ted DUMBASS. get LASSO'D idiot b) which means he confessed he liked ted TO TED c) and was dumb enough to call it a 'celebrity crush' because he didn't want to explain it was more like a work crush considering he knew him personally, but like, ted's still kind of a celebrity so it counts for silly get to know you conversation right? haha? right? d) now the diamond dogs are discussing the ethics of ted dating him right in front of him and it's all his fault. this whole conversation is all his fault. ted's that meme of the guy at the party like "they dont know theyre talking about me specifically oh god oh jesus christ". ted's having a crisis over dating a 'fan' and poor trent's right there like there is no good way out of this!!!! there is nothing i can say or do that will not make this incredibly awkward!!!!!! fuck!!!!!!

ALSO losing my mind at the idea that they discussed work crushes AND celebrity crushes and trents like haha it's a harmless little. omission to not explain they're the same person, and pretty reasonable anyway considering that's kind of identity-sensitive information. and then he finds out that the person he's talking to is ALSO the same person and hes like what if i had an anxiety attack. right now. when ted eventually does find out and like all that drama is over and done with there is going to be SO much affectionate teasing. you had a crush on me THREE (3) TIMES trent.

but also just--idk man! trent dealing with the fact he'd thought he was getting over his hopelessly unrequited feelings for ted only to find out he'd been starting to get over ted by developing feelings........for ted. which is kind of a punch to the chest but also now he's left with--but ted likes him back. but only--like this. on bantr. when it's not him. when it's arguably more him, in some ways, but less him in others. when ted doesn't know it's him. and if he did know, would he still like trent at all? would he be embarrassed or mad or upset? would it make everything awkward and weird? like, for a split second trent's heart rises with hope like. oh, wait. but ted likes me back. ted had talked for ages about how much he liked his pretty pen pal (his words, even though obviously trent had never shown him a picture) and that's trent, right? but then it immediately drops like a stone because trent has the self-esteem of a dusty crumb left under a tv set for a decade and comes to the conclusion a second later that ted didn't like him, he liked his pen pal, and once he knew they were the same person he'd realize his mistake and any feelings he had would evaporate. because, you know. he's trent. and he's right here, and ted just doesn't like him like that, and why would he ever.

(also see, in this scenario: ted has mentioned his own work crush, but didn't describe features trent identifies as his own defining traits--for example, he doesn't mention trent's hair, but says his crush has pretty eyes, and that he's kind-hearted and clever and makes him laugh, and trent's like wow he sounds nice <- doesn't think these things particularly describe him)

meanwhile ted is freaking out again because like. he really really likes his pen pal!! he really likes him and he's 99 percent sure he's not a creepy stalker type and wouldn't do that but like there's degrees of bad possibilities here and just generally dating a fan doesn't sit super right, but also, it's not like he knew either, so it could be fine? aaa!!!!

ALSO ive just had the image of like. if trent WASN'T in the diamond dogs meeting he does pick up on his pen pal acting a bit weird/shifty about it and is like well i should probably clarify, it's a bit misleading to say celebrity crush as i do actually know him? and now ted is slamming the emergency diamond dogs button again (actually hilarious if just through sheer coincidence he gets this text right after but trent still wasn't there or sending it as a response to the meeting or anything, just a coincidence) and is like WAIT SO HE'S SOMEONE I KNOW?????? but ted's so friendly with a lot of people that technically that could mean anything and ironically increases the stalker concern. meanwhile trent is happily oblivious to all of this. until he walks in and they've got a big board with red string going "okay so someone ted knows is texting him on bantr but doesnt know it yet and we're trying to figure out who" and trent goes WHITE

so many other possibilities for a reveal too like. jesus christ.

oh man see this is what i'm talking about. there's just so many possibilities so many places to go with this it's so funny and also angst potential off the charts. and FLUFF too. aww trent you fell in love with ted twice? that's so sweet

i still think the funniest and most mortifying thing that can happen in any sort of bantr/"oops we started talking online not knowing we knew each other irl" scenario for tedependent is trent admitting he has a crush on ted in any capacity. this goes both ways but it's funnier for trent especially if it's like "hm, name a celebrity crush". you're talking to some stranger online and you're really vibing with them, they're really nice and smart and they make you laugh and listen to you and you like them a lot and then you ask them a silly get to know you question like "what's your celebrity crush" and they say Your Fucking Name. what is ted even supposed to do with that. is it unethical to not say anything? but also saying something would be the most awkward possible thing you could do, especially if they think you're messing with them. and then they follow it up with a defensive "i have actually met him! he really is that nice and handsome in person!" and ted's just putting his head in his hands. on one hand this is incredibly flattering and kind of sweet? on the other hand oh what the fuck

[tomlinfonda]

Inside me there are two wolves.

One who thinks that the writers are either stupid or cruel, and that the finale was so incomprehensibly bad that I shouldn't try to make sense of it. And that I should move on.

The other one is a subtext-and-metaphor-hungry beast that is manically obsessed with finding a reason, at least subtextually, for the incomprehensible mess they made out of these characters, especially Ted, in the finale.

Everyone is so right to point out that Ted in previous episodes would not have acted like this. I think the reason for the sudden regression in his character is Dottie.

That morning, full of smiles, in a good mood, Ted starts his walk to work.

He cheerfully strolls through the streets, saying hello to his neighbors, making chit-chat with them. He is (as Trent said it in 1x03) out there in the community. He is, more importantly, part of a community. Until suddenly-

"Mom?"

Dottie's arrival changes everything. Ted gets worse and worse throughout the episode. In the hotel room in Manchester, the football anthem "Blue Moon", with the haunting lyric "You saw me standing alone" plays over Ted's lonesome figure, in the shadows, depressed.

Juxtapose that with his first scene: the lively neighborhood and daylight.

At the end of the episode, his conversation with his (manipulative) mom hits him deep. He feels immense guilt over not being there for Henry. And he's been torn over this for the entire season.

His mom, and the way she acts, and the way she manipulates him, push him in the wrong direction: Kansas.

I think Ted has disassociated for most of the finale. But I also think that he is intentionally pushing people away. Maybe he thinks that this will make it easier for him to leave, maybe he thinks that this will make it easier for them to let him go. Maybe he just hates himself so much that he cannot accept their help. Maybe he feels guilty that they're showing him so much love, when he knows he will abandon them.

Either way, he quits. Something that he would not have done, even in season 1. So his regression goes farther than the first episode, deeper into his past. He goes from:

to having doubts on the plane about leaving without winning the whole fucking thing

but leaving anyway.

And this is one of the most curious things to me. Rebecca offers to bring Henry to him in England by helping relocate Michelle:

And yet, he refuses. So, sure, this is about being there for his son. But given the choice between his son with his beloved community, and his son without his beloved community, he chooses the latter.

I've heard the argument that we don't know for sure that Ted doesn't have a support system in Kansas. But from a narrative perspective, it's important that we haven't been shown that hypothetical support system at all. And given that he actually returns to Kansas without the one person who we know supported him before coming to England, it comes across as a terribly isolating situation.

So why would Ted choose to part from his found family, even though bringing his son into that family would be an option? My theory is that he just really fucking hates himself. I think he wants to punish himself, maybe for being away from Henry for so long, maybe for something else. I don't think he believes that he deserves love or even credit for how he helped the club.

I mean, Rebecca and Trent offer him exactly that this episode: credit for what the did for the club.

And he rejects them both, choosing instead to remove himself from their lives, to erase himself from the narrative.

I think he's lower mentally than we've seen him for a while.

I think he's in his dark forest.

So the plane departs and then lands. And Ted is back in Kansas, driven through the prosaic, picket-fenced, isolating, depressing American suburbs to the house where Henry and the ex-wife who doesn't love him are waiting for him.

And the light might be golden, and he might be reunited with his son. But as we close in on the last shot of the show, you can see his smile try to fight the sadness in his eyes and you know.

He's not happy.

[benedictscanvas]

filling an empty vase - roy kent x reader

pairing: roy kent x reader

word count: 3.4k (genuinely don't know how that happened)

warnings: language (duh) and some suggestive themes. the word shagging, which is too british not to include i'm afraid

a/n: this was an anonymous request that i'm not going to put here because it kinda ruins the whole plot! but it was such a fabulous request, so thank you anon, for giving me so much space to play. if you're not sure this is your request, you mentioned "Mr I Never Smile Kent" which funnily enough, made me smile!! enjoy sunflowers <3

---

You were such a professional in so many ways, but yet again you found your focus drifting during your meeting with the rest of the coaches. Your eyes find Roy’s face with such ease, lingering on the newly thicker beard he’s been sporting recently, then travelling down to broad shoulders, ones that fill out the door frame so nicely when he folds his arms. You’re so lucky he’s always folding his arms.

Before you can move onto admiring those arms, you see his head turn towards you and you look away before you can be caught. Instead of glancing at his face to see if he’s still looking at you, you decide it’s easier to join the conversation. As the goalkeeping coach, there isn’t always much you can contribute to these discussions, but they’re very insistent on including you.

“The only thing you need to be careful of is their counter-press,” you chime in, “Mind that the boys don’t get complacent in possession or my guy will be a sitting duck out there.”

“Good thinkin, Abe Lincoln. Why don’t we add that to our pre-game talk, coach, make sure someone’s watchin’ Zoreaux’s back at all times?”

“Already writing it down, coach,” Beard replied, gaining a double thumbs up from Ted who then continued talking. Even though you’d hardly been listening, you knew to do enough research beforehand so that you were free to let your mind wander and only speak up with a few key points.

You tune back in when you recognise the gruff tone of the very man you’re trying not to admire again.

“No. Y/N stole my fucking thing. I’ve gone over the rest in training,” he says dryly, and you duck your head to your lap to hide your smirk. Of course the two of you were on the same page about strategy, you always were. Usually he got to say it before you though, “Can we go now?”

“Unless anyone’s got anythin’ they want to add?” Ted looks around at everyone’s blank and frankly, very tired faces, “Not even somethin’ personal? Deep dark secret? Scandalous love affair, that kinda thing? Higgins, you look like there’s somethin’ right on the tip of that tongue.”

“I’m leaving,” Roy announced, walking into his office and shutting the door, even going so far as to shut the blinds on both windows before he presumably sat at his desk. You sighed and got up from your perch on the desk to take a step towards the dressing room.

“Afraid I’ve got some work to get done before I go home too,” you say, trying to be at least slightly nicer than Roy about it, “We can get personal tomorrow, alright Ted?”

He agrees with a happy grin on his face and you say goodbye to him, Beard and Trent collectively with a salute before turning on your heel and waving a goodbye to any of the team still around as you leave. You don’t go far. Unable to help yourself, you knock on Roy’s office door from the other side and shuffle your weight between your feet as you wait.

“Fuck off,” comes the greeting, so you open the door and slip inside.

“Even if it’s me?”

His head turns at the sound of your voice and suddenly his features look a special kind of soft, even in the harsh overhead lighting. He swivels his chair fully to face you, but makes no other move.

“Especially if it’s you,” he confirms, folding his arms again like he knew the effect he had on you, “You’re a fucking pervert.”

You gasp, clutching at the door handle behind you in a show of shock.

“I’m a what?”

“You heard me. Staring at me like you do in meetings wasn’t in your job description when we hired you, last I checked.”

“Last I checked, shagging your goalkeeping coach wasn’t in your job description, but you made pretty quick work of it.”

That was enough to get him moving. He’s quick out of his chair for a man with a bad knee, quick to crowd you against the wall just next to the door. Someone would have to really peer in to see the two of you, something he’d probably calculated even though your mind was already blank at the new proximity. 

“You’re right,” he says, voice sinfully low, hands either side of your hips but not touching you yet, “And I was staring at you the whole fucking meeting anyway, so I’m a pervert and a hypocrite.”

“Well, I don’t know if I can keep on with you if you’re both. One of them, maybe I can look past it, but both?”

Finally, one hand comes off the wall to stroke a line down your side with the backs of his knuckles. You try not to give him the satisfaction of shivering, but fail miserably.

“Think you can brave it?” he murmurs, that same hand brushing along your cheekbone, still all rough knuckles instead of his palm, “I’ll take you to Big Tesco later.”

Your whole face brightens despite the heavy tension that had settled like a mist in the room. You reach up to gently hold his wrist, stroking a thumb back and forth over the pulse that jumped there.

“Shit, you know the way to a girl’s heart, Kent,” you whisper, syrupy and cloying, “I take it all back. We can go as long as you like.”

The innuendo drew the growl from him that you’d been hoping for. The hand at your cheek was quick to turn until he was cupping your face and pulling you into him, kissing you deep and slow and longingly. Each kiss with him was better than the last. Yes, it had started hot and desperate after a month of unbearable electricity between you, a rushed encounter at a hotel after a particularly adrenaline-filled away game. 

Ever since, Roy had slowed things down. Not in the way you’d perhaps expected - he was still hot and heavy whenever the two of you got the chance, but he was taking his time with you. Teasing and learning. Nobody had ever treated you like this before, like you were something to be revered. Worshipped.

It was the same now, as he anchored himself with a hand on your back, pulling you further in, kissing you with genuine hunger.

“Roy? Can I come and get my stuff.”

Trent. It was always Trent. You liked the man so much, spent a lot of time with him, in fact, but if he interrupted you and Roy one more time, you had half a mind to hide his manuscript or something.

Roy did his special silent groan that he did whenever he couldn’t groan aloud, where he glared at the ceiling as he broke away from you and then clenched his fists in front of him. It was adorable, not that you would tell him that.

“All good,” you whisper, despite it definitely not being all good. It was entirely a joint decision not to tell the team about the two of you yet, but sometimes you wished you could announce it to the whole fucking world if it would get you some alone time.

You squeeze his hand and slip away to the adjoining door between his and Ted’s office. You hear Roy grunt for Ted to come in behind you, but you squeeze through into the other room before you hear any more of their inevitably one-sided conversation. Ted turns to you brightly as you enter.

“Decided you wanted to get personal sooner, Y/N?” he grins, and you can tell he isn’t really serious.

“Just forgot my keys,” you said sheepishly, retrieving them from the desk where you’d left them completely on purpose. It was always good to have a back-up plan and Roy wasn’t the only quick thinker between you, “See you tomorrow, Coach.”

“Can’t wait, coach!”

As you exit for real this time, glancing into Roy’s office as you pass, you take out your phone to shoot him a text. You’re saved under an unassuming name in his phone, so even if Trent sees it, he’ll be none the wiser.

We’re still on for tonight, right? The way I navigate a Big Tesco will blow your mind x

You press send with a smile to yourself, continuing on towards your office to pack up for the evening. Your phone buzzes before you even get there.

You blow my mind every fucking day. See you soon x

God, you could clutch your phone to your chest and squeal in the corridor, but instead, you speed up your walk to get home as quickly as possible. There was no harm in getting all dressed up to go to the supermarket when you were going with an insanely fit professional footballer, you reasoned.

---

Big Tesco. The place dreams are made of, or at least it was when you were younger and felt like you could get lost in the aisles and never return. Nowadays, it was likely nostalgia that kept you coming back, but it still felt like your first Big Tesco trip with Roy was a pretty big deal.

Mainly you needed snacks for movie night, but Roy was happy to indulge you and drive twenty minutes away for this if that’s what you wanted.

“If we’re doing Julia Roberts, we have to do Pretty Woman, obviously.”

“And Erin fucking Brockovich,” Roy agreed, “But if we do Sandra Bullock, we get the modern day masterpiece that is Miss Congeniality.”

“Oh, I still need to see that one!”

Roy stops, Pringles tube hovering above the trolley. He looks at you like he’s seeing you for the first time and he doesn’t like what he sees.

“Right, we’re doing Bullock then, if I have to fucking culture you as well as buy your snacks.”

“We’re splitting the snacks-”

“The fuck we are,” he cut in, already contradicting himself, “I was fucking joking, please can we not get into another snack debate. You bought them last time.”

“Fine. And I’m happy with Sandy, too, so you win twice, buddy,” you grin at him, not expecting him to grin back but ecstatic when he does. You have half a mind to press him up against the Doritos and finish what you’d started earlier, but you have plenty of time for that in appropriate places later.

You had all night, in fact, post-Sandra Bullock marathon. The thought brings a particular movie to mind.

“As long as we throw Two Weeks Notice in there too.”

“Hugh Grant? No.”

“Oh come on, he’s a national treasure,” you argue, sliding your arm through his as the two of you continue your journey through the aisles.

“He’s a fucking idiot, is what he is,” Roy bites back, as he picks up the chocolate he knows you love, “I’ll allow The Proposal.”

“You know what, that’s a better choice anyway. We have a deal if we can make a stop in the homeware section after this?” you say hopefully, excited when he sighs and nods. You kiss his shoulder as you continue walking, “We’re so fucking good at this compromising shit!”

You lean away from him enough to hold your hand up for a high five. He indulges you reluctantly with a light slap from his own.

“We are. It’s cause I’m so fucking nice.”

“To me,” you add, staring up at him as he slows the trolley to a stop beside the biscuits. He takes your face in his hands after a moment.

“To you, yeah,” he agrees, voice all soft like it had been earlier. You’re not going to kiss him senseless in a supermarket, the two of you had some shame and a lot of love for privacy, but it was nice to indulge in something like this, a sweet moment shared without fear of anyone seeing the two of you. You turn your head to kiss his palm, “You’ve sent me all fucking soft.”

“You love it.”

“Love you, more like,” he says, for the first fucking time, in a Big Tesco. You’d found out you were getting a party bus for your 10th birthday here too, so it was a location for big occasions. You kiss his palm; once, twice, three times.

“You have to say the I or it doesn’t mean anything,” you tease, but you’re beaming up at him as he strokes the skin underneath your eyes and you almost let them flutter shut.

“Who fucking told you that? Sounds like shit Jamie would say.”

“Jan Maas.”

“Fucking prick,” he says, then a moment later, “I love you, then, if you fucking insist.”

“I do insist,” you giggle, leaning forward until your face is in his chest so you can safely say: “I love you too.”

Its a little muffled, but thankfully he doesn’t ask you to repeat it again like you think he will. He just wraps his arms around your shoulders and keeps you close to him for a long while.

“Roy? Hey boyo!!”

You freeze in place, face still hidden. If anything, Roy’s arms tighten around you rather than letting go as he turns to see Colin waving at him, alongside Sam, Isaac, Jamie and the aforementioned Jan Maas. They all pile over towards him and you know its a matter of time before they realise its you. Jamie’s already bounding over as if he’s won the lottery.

“Roy’s got a girl! A real woman, like!” Jamie exclaims as he reaches them and you decide to get this over with sooner than later, lifting your head to stare at him wearily. He frowns, “Oh. Y/N, hiya.”

Of course he isn’t connecting any dots. He isn’t quite the connecting type, however much you love him to little pieces. Sam is staring at you a lot more knowingly, Isaac stuck with his mouth open. They’ve all caught on a little quicker than Jamie.

“The two of you together,” Jan muses, “I do not believe this is a pairing made to last.”

“Oi, Jan Maas,” Isaac pipes up, especially as Roy’s already stepped forward to threaten him, “Not cool.”

“I am just telling you the truth. You are both a little grumpy, you will not have the needed balance.”

“We’re balancing perfectly fucking well, thank you,” Roy says, and you can hear that he’s gritting his teeth, “As a team. Of coaches. Because that’s what we fucking are.”

Oh, he was going to play the ‘it wasn’t what it looked like’ card? You weren’t expecting it, but you’d happily back him up if he wanted you to.

“You are telling me that was a friend hug?” Sam asks, voice full of disbelief. You look up at Roy to see what he’ll say to that, but he’s already looking down at you with an untraceable look on his face. When he finally looks back at the boys, he takes your hand in his.

“No. It was a fucking boyfriend-girlfriend hug, alright? Any of you tell anyone before we do and I’ll feed you to a fucking monitor lizard.”

You’d watched a documentary about them last night that had likely led to that threat. Jamie’s snickering but tries to sober up when Roy immediately turns to him. He holds his hands up in surrender.

“I’m sorry mate, I am, I’ve jus’ never heard a grown man say ‘boyfriend-girlfriend’ before,” he says, back to giggling by the end of his sentence and Jan Maas is quick to dissolve into full blown laughter. You bring a hand up to your mouth to hide your own amusement, lest Roy feel betrayed by it.

“Right, fuck off and leave us alone then. We’re on a tight fucking movie night schedule and I won’t have you twats throwing us off.”

“Hey! That’s why we’re here! If we’re all doing movie night, why don’t you join us?” Sam asks, and you can see he’s teasing even if Roy can’t tell. Still, you take it as an opportunity to stake your claim as you wrap an arm around Roy’s bicep and cling to him.

“Look, you lot hog this man all day every day. I’m taking him home and we’ll see you tomorrow, alright?”

It was very Roy of you, just with the addition of a wink at the end that told the boys you were half-joking. Jamie seemed almost impressed, while Sam was trying not to laugh at you. That man never took you seriously, and you loved it.

“We’ll leave you to it then,” Isaac decided, dragging Jamie backwards a little by the collar when he opened his mouth to tease Roy one final time, “Enjoy your night, yeah? See you tomorrow.”

Roy grunted his goodbye, but you waved back at them when they waved, mostly at you. Jamie mouthed something at Roy but, luckily for you both, Roy couldn’t work it out.

“Pricks,” he mutters once they’re far away enough not to hear him and you let out a little snort.

“They were very nice about that, you know? I was expecting a lot worse,” you said, pleasantly surprised at the lack of proper teasing. You knew there was likely more to come once they’d had a while to process it, but still. There was a certain weight lifted knowing that someone had finally been told.

“Do people not say boyfriend-girlfriend anymore?” he asks abruptly, looking down at you from where you’re still clinging to him. You grin at up at him.

“We should bring it back. I love boyfriend-girlfriend. I think that’s how we should introduce ourselves to people from now on.”

He rolled his eyes at the sarcasm in your voice, but tugged you into a quick, public appropriate kiss nonetheless.

“Let’s get you some fucking hobnobs and then we can go and look at fancy glassware, yeah?,” he announces, shaking his head with such obvious fondness when you cheer and turn to the biscuits. He stays close, a hand hovering near your back, and you’re a little worried movie night might be forgotten when you get home given how handsy the two of you have been all day. You resume your shopping tucked into his side, and only bump into the boys twice more on your trip around the wonders of Big Tesco.

Later, when you’re eventually curled into Roy’s side during a movie night that started way later than intended, your phone buzzes a few too many times in a row to ignore. You glance at Roy quizzically as you grab it, seeing a bunch of texts coming in from Sam.

Couldn’t resist. Don’t let Roy hate me. I’ve deleted them on my phone now, so they’re just yours. Lunch tomorrow?

Roy grumbled a little beside you as he read over your shoulder, but really he should have gotten used to your occasional lunch plans with Sam by now, even if he liked having you all to himself for at least one hour during the day. You settle into him even more as you scroll through a bunch of photos Sam’s attached with wide eyes.

You staring up at Roy. Roy kissing you. The grins on both your faces when you part. Then one that has you reeling, where you’re facing the biscuits with your hands on your hips and Roy is looking at you. Enthralled. You’re not even fucking doing anything.

“That little shit,” Roy breathes, squeezing your thigh where his hand was already resting.

“I love them,” you say instead of responding, tilting your head back to look at Roy, “Our first proper photos together.”

“They look like a fucking pap took them,” he complains, but he's still studying them and you can tell he likes them really.

“Look how happy we look," you’re stuck on how he looks at you when you’re not even looking at him. When there’s nothing to be gained from it. You glance at the new vase sitting on your coffee table, with fresh flowers Roy had insisted on because 'if we're getting a fucking vase we have to fucking fill it'. Here he was, filling your life with so many little pieces of joy.

“Well we are fucking happy, aren’t we?”

There's a little bit of vulnerability in his question, like he needs confirmation. You lock your phone and toss it to the side, knowing you can reply to Sam in a bit. For now, you pause the movie and clamber to straddle Roy’s lap, seeing that look on his face again as he stares up at you. It only spurs you on.

“We’re very fucking happy, Roy.”

He grins, which is rare, but then he kisses you and that’s not rare at all.

(roy makes a mental note to thank sam for the pictures tomorrow, even if he tells him to do extra laps in the same sentence to maintain the balance)

[itsclydebitches]

We've all rightly been gushing over Trent listening in on the parent-teacher conference and there are a lot of cool interpretations for why he'd eavesdrop: a crush on Ted, a tendency towards gossip (as seen in "International Break"), the fact that you just can't take the journalism out of the boy, Trent is clearly picking up personal tidbits for the book if the group's initial "Don't print that" worries are any indication, etc. So yeah, it's clear why he'd want/be okay with the door staying open.

Meanwhile, I'm slightly feral over Ted letting the door stay open and what that conveys to Trent.

Based on what we've picked up about his personal life and the direction of this season, we have good reason to believe that Trent was a deeply isolated man prior to Ted arriving. His job makes enemies simply by virtue of the profession itself, especially when you "bring the heat" as hard as he did. Roy flipping the press off at the gala in Season 1 and Nate sneaking out at dark this last episode shows us how journalists are treated on the regular: ignored, dismissed, told to "fuck off" as a matter of course. That's often well deserved, as Roy's two personal stories (Trent's article about him + the response to Isaac's attack) attest, but the end result is still a profession that alienates you from anyone other than your peers. When you're a "colossal prick" in your articles, people hate you all the more.

So Trent at least has other journalist buddies, yeah? Well, not that we've seen. I always think back to that chorus of "--The Independent" in the press room when everyone knew what Trent was going to say and how it... wasn't entirely fun ribbing. I think there's a fair bit of mockery there. Even if others disagree, I doubt that was received well by someone who wears their professionalism as an armor, who takes off his glasses as soon as they're complimented, who was, notably, closeted into his 40s. Trent is a man who is deeply aware of how others perceive him (pointing out his "vibe" feels quite calculated now: highlight what you want people to notice rather than waiting for them to find something on their own) and he is likely to read the worst of most interactions. Cue his shocked, "You really mean that, don't you?" when faced with someone like Ted who is not only genuinely nice, but blunt about it in a way that Trent can't misunderstand, or brush off via denial.

What's his home life like? Married to a woman when he's gay and that's putting a serious strain on them both. He tries to come out and isn't believed. The only other family members we know about are a toddler (who, while lovely I'm sure, can't provide Trent with the kind of emotional support an adult needs) and a father who, if we read the series through Lance's headcanons, may not have been very supportive of his son. Who else does Trent know? Uhhh... other subjects who hate him? Owners like Rebecca who want to use him? A random, potential date that he felt so little for he ditched to get a quote?

(EDIT: I can't believe I forgot to mention the strong implications that Ted was bullied in childhood/as a teenager, based on how he reacts to the whole of the club ignoring him -- resigned but unsurprised -- his reaction to Roy telling him to fuck off after he tries to mend that relationship -- disappointedly awkward "I can't believe I even tried that. What was I thinking?" -- and his body language during the locker room scene -- jumping, furtive glances towards Ted, backed up against the shower stall because shit, he's been in this situation before.

So uh, yeah. Trent may not have had a lot of friends growing up either! That was not the response of a social butterfly, but rather someone who is already very used to being ignored/dismissed/cursed out/threatened, not just within his profession, but within the school-like atmosphere of Richmond's family too.)

I'm by no means reinventing the meta wheel here, but Trent has truly undergone a STAGGERING transformation in Season 3 and the result of that is the reframing of his Season 1 and 2 scenes as, frankly, more depressing than they originally seemed. Seeing him now smiling, singing, gossiping, dressing just in t-shirts, casually snacking, making jokes, letting go enough to be a complete, hyperactive "dork" in front of others... it just hammers home how deeply unhappy Trent was before. How closed off. How closeted--in more ways than one.

So what must it mean to someone like Trent for Ted to leave the door open?

It's not just an open invitation towards community--sit near me, listen in, quietly participate, there's literally no barrier between us--but a staggeringly personal one too. I don't care if a 10-ish year old failing science is inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, the fact remains that letting anyone hear a parent-teacher conference with your ex is a hell of a show of trust. That would mean a lot to Trent in general, this acknowledgement that someone trusts the ex-prick journalist with that amount of personal information, but Ted in particular? Oh boy. Ted is the one Trent betrayed with that article! And yeah, Ted forgave him the instant he learned of it, but Trent himself was obviously feeling a lot of guilt, hence him burning his source and orchestrating a firing. Toss in the fact that Ted, despite being a VERY open man on the regular (I still laugh at his "I don't mind" to Rebecca when over-sharing about Michelle) has in fact denied Trent information in the past. No, I won't tell you that was a panic attack. Yes, I will continue the lie that it was food poisoning. Perhaps for Ted it was less about Trent knowing and more about anyone getting at the truth, but at the end of the day it amounts to the same: there was a time when Ted did not fully trust him and Trent justified that fear by writing the very article Ted was looking to avoid, even if Trent approached that situation with as much grace as he could.

So this moment, beyond the humor, just makes my brain go !!!!!! for Trent. Ted Lasso, of all people, has left the door open for Trent Crimm, also of all people, to hear the messy details of his, Henry, and Michelle's life. He is not at all afraid that this information will be spun in a bad light--Local Gaffer's Son Suffers While Father Plays at Coach Across the Pond--despite the fact that Trent is actively writing a book about him. Trent himself is so unguarded in this moment, dressed only in a t-shirt, playing around with his orange, making little quips. The Trent of Season 1 would NEVER. I mean, I think we see small glimpses of the real Trent back then, especially when Ted amuses him enough to coax his guard down for half a second (Trent's reaction to “Make like Dunst and Union and bring it on, baby!" comes to mind. That's a gesture we're seeing a lot now that he's comfortable around the club), but on the whole he was still so, so, so isolated. No one knew the real him: gay, funny, dorky, inquisitive, longing for companionship and using the artificial 'closeness' of journalism to cover that ache up.

Now? Trent is fully a part of the Richmond community and he knows he's a part of it because everyone--Ted, Beard, Roy, Colin, Rebecca--are going out of their way to tell him that, notably in very overt ways. Trent strikes me as someone who wouldn't fully believe it when he's told someone enjoys his company; the kind of wounded, anxiety-prone person who, if casually invited to participate, would assume they're just being polite and he'd actually be an annoyance to them. Trent needs overt, obvious, beat-you-over-the-head-with-it reassurance, which is why Ted is so very good for him because Ted is composed of THE most over-the-top positivity you've ever seen. (Compare that need of Trent's to Michelle thinking that Ted is too much...) When faced with a defensive journalist Ted says explicitly that he liked spending time with Trent. When faced with a still unsure writer who thinks of himself only as an observer--never a part of the team himself--Ted literally begs with monkey noises to hear Trent's opinions. He's blunt to the point of absurdity and someone like Trent who has likely spent the majority of his life hiding/being told that his true self is inadequate needs that level of constant, neon-light reassurance.

So Ted leaves the door open to a personal conversation, refusing to literally bar Trent from his life. The best part? Colin re-opens the door because he understands Trent and he knows his coach; of course Ted wants him included. Colin asks permission to CLOSE the door, not open it, and Trent is seeing this openness again and again over the course of several months, with each episode bringing him further out of his shell as he slowly unlearns that self-doubt. Yes, please stay, please tell us what you think, please offer your advice, please join our Diamond Dogs, please ask us questions (they're no longer perceived as a threat), please become an integral part of our lives. We trust you and we like you and we want you here.

Everyone's waiting for Trent to catch the door again because, you know, the rule of three, but what if he doesn't need to? What if he's past slipping a hand or a foot through the crack and scraping by on what that gets him? He caught the door before it could close to get closer to Colin. He caught the door before it could close to get closer to Ted. Now they've both kept the door open for him, his presence welcomed from the get-go.

Trent doesn't need to sprint for that opening anymore.

[its-time-to-write]

I love your writing! Can I request a Jamie tartt x reader where the reader is a famous actor or musician and it’s like the team meeting them or the media finding out? Thank you!!

I loved this! Thanks for requesting!

you know, you’ll always know me

“Jamie Tartt has been spotted around Manchester with lead singer and songwriter from band Room 17,” Isaac reads aloud. He snaps the paper shut and looks at Jamie. “Oi, when did you have time to go to Manchester?”

Jamie shrugs. “I dunno, mate, two nights ago?”

There’s a clamor of disbelief from the team throughout the locker room. 

Colin’s voice cuts through the din. “Mate, that’s a four-hour drive. You drove eight hours to hookup with a famous singer?”

Jamie grins. “No.”

Isaac: “Elaborate.”

Jamie replies, “Nope,” popping the “p” sound at the end. 

The boys chorus, “Aye, c’mon man, what the fuck,” right as Ted and Beard walk in. 

“What’s all the hubbub?” Ted asks. “Usually that level of resignation is reserved for one of my many, specially-tailored puns.”

“Jamie hooked up with someone famous,” Sam answers. 

Beard looks at Jamie. “Saw the papers. You’re way out of her league.”

Jamie puts his hands up. “That’s not what she said Tuesday night.”

“So you did hook up with her!” 

“Look-” Jamie replies, “she said I ain’t allowed to talk about it in the locker room and I ain’t allowed to tell just anybody. She likes things private and I don’t blame her because you lot are a load of animals.”

Ted makes a mock offended face while Beard shrugs like yeah, that’s true.

Will looks up, thoughtful expression on his face. “Jamie, she said no locker room talk?”

Jamie says, “Yeah, why?”

“I mean, we could just, I dunno, go… somewhere else?”

“Will, you fucking genius,” Colin says, and Isaac gets up to go shake Will’s hand while saying, “Everyone, boot room, now!”

Less than a minute later, everyone is crowded into the boot room. Including Trent, Rebecca, and Higgins, who are never ones to miss a good story. Roy is the only one not present, with a short “fuck off!” at Ted’s extended invitation. 

They’re all huddled around Jamie, whispering quietly amongst themselves until Isaac holds up a hand. 

“Alright! Jamie’s going to tell us how he managed to pull the lead singer from Room 17, and then he’s going to apologize to,” Isaac checks a note on his phone and reads, “Dani, Sam, Richard, and Jan Maas because he knew they had a crush on her, and then to Colin because that’s his favorite band and you didn’t say shit to him.”

“Eh? That ain’t fair! We all had equal opportunity, I’m just the only one who took it,” Jamie replies indignantly. 

There’s a “WHAT,” in unison from at least half the team followed by more clamoring. 

“Oi, oi!” Jamie says. “Pipe down, and I’ll tell ya.

It was when we went to that club last month. I was gettin’ drinks for me and Dani, and there was this absolutely gorgeous girl sitting at the bar, scribbling somethin’ on a napkin. I was gonna introduce meself, but right as I went to say hey, she stood up and knocked both drinks out of me hand. One got on me and the other got on her napkin and I said ‘sorry about your napkin,’ and she said ‘nah it’s shit anyway. Sorry about your shirt,’ so I said, ‘it looks better on the floor.’ Guess she liked that, ‘cause that’s where it ended up.”

“That was a month ago, Jamie,” Sam interjects. “How did you end up in the papers this morning?”

Jamie grins and sticks out his tongue. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Isaac smacks the back of his head and Jamie yelps. “Ok, ok, I’ll tell ya!”

The team crowds closer. Rebecca is farther in the back, and she’s seemed strangely uninterested this whole time, typing on her phone. 

“So. Turns out, she’s fit and funny, and she starts telling me she writes her own songs. And she say it ain’t a big deal, just something she does for fun, and I say I play football and it is a big deal, but she already knew who I was. Anyway, didn’t figure out who she was till after I asked her on a proper date, and I guess she thought that was cute or some shit. We’ve been sneakin around ever since.” Here Jamie smiles angelically. “I am cute or some shit.”

Ted, Beard, and Trent nod in assent and just before the team can bombard Jamie with questions, his phone dings then rings. Rebecca finally looks up from her phone in the back as Jamie checks his. 

You’re calling him, so he makes a pipe down motion and answers.

“Hello Jamie Tartt,” you say. “What are you doing right now?”

“Hey babe!” he replies, team saying silent oohs and making kissy faces. “Not much, just with the lads. Did you see the papers?”

You laugh. “Yes, I saw the papers. I suppose it was only a matter of time before it got out, and I know I’m a little late to the party, but you can tell the team now.”

You can hear Jamie’s smile through the phone as he says, “Thanks babe. Y’know they’re like my family.”

Even though he can’t see you, you nod. “I do know. That’s why I’m not upset that you’re in the boot room right now and have already told them everything.”

Jamie is stunned into silence as the team whispers, “what did she say, what did she say?”

“You can put me on speaker,” you say.

Jamie does and then asks, “How the fuck did you know where I was and what I was doing? Are you psychic?”

Jamie looks up around the room and Rebecca of all people catches his eye and winks as you say, “Oh, well, Rebecca Welton and I have been close for ages. She started texted me the moment she heard you were going to the boot room. She’s known about you and me since the first night.”

The room erupts into “WHATs,” and “Holy shits,” while Jamie goes to speak again. 

“Babe,” he tries, but you can’t hear him above the noise. He pushes his way through the throng and out the boot room, Rebecca patting him on the shoulder as he goes past her. 

“Babe,” he says again, “you sure you ain’t mad?”

Now he can hear your smile through the phone. “Yes, I’m absolutely positive. You could have told them sooner. And I think it’s funny that you went to the boot room to talk about it. Rebecca says it smells worse than shit.”

Jamie sighs. “Good. Good, yeah. I’m glad.”

“Actually,” you continue, “this got me out of my writing slump. I’ve been writing like crazy every time you leave. Got half an album in the works already.”

“Fuckin mental.” Jamie shakes his head. He’s great at football, sure, but your musical talent is something else.

“Jamie?” you ask hesitantly. “I- you know I- I mean-”

He cuts you off mid sentence with, “I love you.”

You’re holding your phone with both hands now. “How did you know what I was going to say?”

Jamie shrugs, then remembers you can’t see it. “Just your voice, I guess. Didn’t want you to feel awkward about it. Know we haven’t said it yet, but I do. And now that it’s out, maybe you can come down to Richmond for a proper football game, meet the lads.“

“I’d like that,” you smile. “Oh shit- my food’s burning. I’ve gotta go. I love you!”

“Love you too,” he replies. He hands up, slides his phone back into his pocket, and turns to see the entire Richmond team crowded around the boot room door, faces pressed to the glass. Jamie rolls his eyes, flips them off, and walks away, laughing. You’re going to love them. 

[devotioncrater]

I am once again going to queer analyze the fuck out of Ted Lasso, specifically the scene with Trent and Ted in the hallway at the end of Season 3, Episode 7.

Trent swoops in as the door is closing behind Ted, calls out, “TED!”, and then he runs towards Ted, who is walking away from him. Ted turns, bewildered, because here is Trent -- cool, calm, awkward Trent -- completely out of his shell like never before. There’s a spark to Trent. He’s excited, he’s rambling, he’s so close to Ted. He’s vulnerable, too, because he is laying everything he’s thinking and feeling out in the open. (“It’s going to work!” “And I’ll tell you why -- The Lasso Way!” “You haven’t switched tactics in a week!”)

Chemistry goes both ways. It’s a feedback loop, in a sense, because Ted is taking in what Trent is giving. He turns fully to face Trent, even turning when Trent leaves; actively engages by asking questions (“Great! What is?” “Why?” “I haven’t?”); and the more this interaction goes on, the more Ted’s face goes from bewildered to fond. Is he humoring Trent by letting him ramble? Yeah, he is, because he finds it endearing.

The way it’s shot plays a massive role, too. We the audience know that Roy and Beard are there all along. However, we temporarily forget their presence because the camera is equally close on both Trent and Ted. And the intensity of Trent’s rambling distracts us. It’s not until their little conversation is over that the angle is zoomed out and we’re reminded they aren’t alone. It’s intentionally done like that as an insight onto how Ted feels. He’s tuned in on what Trent has to say, and everything else falls away to the background.

In a heavy rom-com episode, this is the love interest’s confesional to the main character.

Trent was sparking. So much so I’ve seen people say they expected the two to kiss. And that thought doesn’t just pop up out of nowhere. You don’t arrive to that conclusion baseless. Which means:

1) The simmering three-season-long groundwork put into their relationship is rock solid.

2) The romcom beats -- which have gotten more frequent -- are subconciously hitting the audience and therefore priming us to expect a follow through (re: a kiss)

3) Characters do not get that close unless it’s to kiss, fight, or scheme. Clearly they aren’t fighting or scheming, so what other expectation is there?

Now hold onto your hat, cowboy. This is where it gets fun.

This hallway scene is a direct parallel to Rebecca and Ted in the West Ham hallway. It’s at an away game; Rebecca and Trent are both potential love interests with an air of manic energy; and, again, it takes place in a hallway with the team in the locker room. 

Only this time, with Trent, everything is subverted. 

Ted walks to Rebecca vs Trent runs to Ted.

Rebecca touches Ted vs Trent doesn’t physically engage.

Ted being uncomfortable the entire interaction vs Ted leaning into the interaction.

Beard and Roy not being present vs Beard and Roy being there.

This subversion also applies to where Rebecca and Trent’s respective manic energy stem from. Their energy levels are foils of one another. 

Rebecca’s stems from negative external factors outside of Richmond (re: Rupert) and the fact the team is losing the match/things are not working.

Trent’s stems from positive internal factors within Richmond (re: belief in The Lasso Way) and the fact things are going to work despite the team losing the match.

Let’s get queer up in here and extrapolate those subversions to sexuality:

Ted slowly approaches heterosexuality (Rebecca), alone (without community) and is uncomfortable by the external pressures placed upon him, the way heterosexuality imposes its touch on him. He visibly looks/feels worse after the interaction.

vs

Queerness (Trent) running up behind Ted with a warning shout (hitting Ted when he doesn’t expect it) and while Ted is surrounded by others (with community). And at first Ted is confused by it, but as soon as he hears it out, gives it a chance, he grows fond of what it has to say. It does not impose its touch on him, and the pressure is an excited internal one. Ted visibly looks/feels better after the interaction.

In Trent’s words, it’s going to work.

[gottagobackintime]

I find it fascinating to witness the straight audience of any media not being able to pick up what the makers of the movie/show puts down.

It’s like when people reacted to the “You wear fine things well” scene in Our Flag Means Death with “aw, they’re such good friends” whereas the queer audience went “omg, this is happening”. We all had access to the same scene, we’d all watched the build up to that scene but the straight audience wrongly read it as friends/straight whereas the queer audience had suspected they were building up to a romance but this was the confirmation. Even the creator of the show was baffled that people were surprised that Ed and Stede fell in love. Because he thought they had made it obvious.

And as I said, we, the queer audience picked up on it. And I feel like the same thing is happening with Ted Lasso. Do I know that Ted and Trent will get together? No, I am unfortunately not a writer on Ted Lasso. But you can’t deny that there are clues pointing to it. But the straight audience barely pick up the fact that Ted and Trent like each other, be that in a platonic way or romantic way. I’ve seen several reactions to the last episode of season 2 and ONE of them included the scene where Ted reacts to Trent not being in the press room. All of them severely cut down the scene in the parking lot. One of the scenes most of us Ted/Trent truthers point to as a huge piece of evidence for it going canon. The parallel of them meeting in an empty parking lot, just like Ted and his ex-wife and Roy and Keeley. But because Ted and Trent are both men it couldn’t possibly mean anything. And Ted has an ex-wife and a kid so he can’t possibly be into men, as if there is no such thing as being bisexual. “But I’m pretty sure Trent has a family, he has a kid right?” So? He could be divorced, we also have no idea if his daughter has another dad or a mum. And the same thing applies to him, it doesn’t mean he can’t be into men (take also into account all of James Lance’s interviews, and his choice of shirt in one of them, friend of Dorothy anyone? He's the captain of this ship, we're just along for the ride tbh.)

Then we have the wonderful “I’m so not homophobic, in fact, you are homophobic because you think Ted is gay just because he likes musicals and has ‘feminine’ traits” um no… it’s the fact that he kind of acts in a way that an ally wouldn't. Yeah, he called himself an ally in that one episode. But every single person who is now out as queer who at one point considered themselves an ally because "I’m not one of them but I sure think they're neat" raise a hand 🖐️ (been there, done that. Was very into queer things before I realised I myself am one of them). What it always comes down to is "it's pandering", "it's tokenism" (having the main character on the show be queer wouldn't be fucking tokenism), "not everything has to be gay", "why can't men just be friends, there is a severe lack of male friendships on tv". And like the last one makes me go??? There are a MILLION friendships between men on TV. There are even multiple friendships between men in Ted Lasso. Beard and Ted, Ted and Higgins, Ted and Roy, the himbos and so on. Having Ted and Trent become a couple wouldn't really change anything because there are still friendships between men. They also claim that Ted is needed as the "straight without toxic masculinity" representation. As if Beard isn't right there. The man who has no problem going to an immersive show about the menstrual cycle. Has no problem with shrieking when he's surprised and so on.

I also like that if we'd get Ted and Trent together, we'd get two middle aged queer dads. Which isn't that common. It's not even super common to see people realising they're queer late in life on TV, and yet it happens every day. Because let's face it, most queer men on TV kind of look like Colin, and I don't mean that as a bad thing. And I'm looking forward to his storyline. But it's also nice seeing middle aged or old people finding themselves and being allowed to be who they are (see Ed and Stede from OFMD). Also would enjoy seeing people lose their minds when they realise they've been fooled this entire time. It'll be like Black Sails all over again.

I do not have any doubts about the fact that, had Trent or Ted been a woman and they saw Trent give up his career because of Ted's influence, they sure as hell wouldn't protest people thinking they'd become a couple. But because it's two men it's just delusional for some reason (homophobia).

What I'm saying is, it's clear that the straight audience has a hard time picking up subtext and clues that the makers are planting. Because they've never had to do that. Because they are always clearly represented. They don't have to look for minor side characters and hope that they might be queer. Because the main character is straight and most of the supporting cast too. When you've grown up with a lack of representation or with representation that is meant to be subtext, you'll learn to pick up on it. And you do look at media differently. I just wish that the straight audience could listen to us for once, without getting defensive and dancing around the fact that they are uncomfortable relating to a character that turned out to be queer.

[gordisaquaberrymodel]

Some more OCs

I couldn’t help myself and created new Bully OCs. Can’t stop my mind from creating new characters lol.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, meet Katherine (Kate) and Frederick (Fred) Baker. They’re twins and they’re jocks. They moved to Bullworth to their uncle from Kansas after their parents died in a car accident when they were 10 years old. Fred has been involved in sports since childhood, and Kate started in high school. They are siblings, who often quarrel and cannot share something. Sometimes they act like enemies. But in reality they worry and care about each other.

Kate (17):

She loves sports so much, she almost lives for it.

She is very cheeky and strong-willed girl by nature. Sometimes she likes to cause troubles and pranks, her favorite holiday - Halloween.

Kate is openly bisexual. She flirts with both girls and boys without shame (but for the most part she is not particularly interested in romantic relationships).

She has been swimming since childhood, but when she started studying in Bullworth Academy she switched to physical training and sports games.

Her secret hobby - video games and horror movies.

She doesn’t care about the hierarchy and cliques at school, she makes friends with those she considers cool.

She is the life of the party, you will never get bored with her.

She puts all of herself into sports, but sometimes she worries about her studies.

Kate is not a fan of all sorts of girly stuff (cosmetics, romance, etc), which is why she is more comfortable with boys.

Unlike other girls, she seems to be on Lola’s side, not at all condemning her behavior. “Girl just wants to have fun, that’s all”

Relationships with characters/cliques:

Main trio: Sometimes hangs out with Jimmy. She has a warm relationship with Pete and often protects him from bullying. She has a negative attitude towards Gary, they almost enemies to each other.

Nerds: Treats them as neutrally as possible and does not even try to bully them (she is categorically against bullying).

Bullies: She is on good terms with them, although she condemns their behavior. Friends: Trent (they’re blonde bi besties), Tom, Wade, Russell.

Preps: The only clique she would have completely despised if she hadn’t become friends with Justin (actually secretly in love with him) and Gord (she finds him quite funny and interesting bacause of his love for clothes and fashion, which other boys didn’t have).

Greasers: She is quite friendly with them, she likes their clothing and hairstyles (sometimes she can borrow a jacket from Vance). Friends: Vance, Norton, Ricky.

Jocks: Of course on better terms with them, although she condemns them for bullying nerds. Friends: Kirby (bi besties, again), Dan, Casey, Mandy (at first, they had a tense relationship due to the fact that all jocks liked Kate, they drooled over her, but she immediately assured that she was not interested in this and was not at all trying to steal Mandy’s popularity).

Townies: She has not had much contact with them, Kate only knows Zoe, with whom she is very close friends (they’re besties).

∘₊✧—————————————————————————————————✧₊∘

Fred (17):

He is quite serious person unlike his sister.

Fred treats his studies responsibly even if sports comes first for him.

Despite his seriousness and a certain coldness, he can sometimes be a cheerful person.

You can trust him with any secret, any emotional experiences.

Loves baseball since childhood.

Sometimes it seems to him that he is an older brother, even though he and Kate are twins (due to the fact that she often behaves like a child).

Hates silence, feeling uncomfortable being in it.

Can sometimes act like an asshole, but in his heart he is really completely different.

He’s not interested in bullying nerds, he treats them neutrally.

Relationships with characters:

Basically he always stays close to jocks. His friends: Casey, Ted (he admires him so much, trying to be like him), Luis, Bo, Mandy (it seems he’s a little bit in love with her).

Fred is also friends with Bullies, like his sister (in fact, she made him friends with them).

He is neutral towards nerds.

He can’t stand preps (and he’s often reproaches his sister for being friends with some of them).

Fred treats greasers with a certain condescension, considers them ridiculous because of their style.

He had only heard about townies and tried not to encounter them.

[singaroundelay]

I just have one thing to say about the finale and where this all ended.

Yes, it's a bittersweet ending. Yes, Ted's smile is one that doesn't quite meet his eyes. But there's a sense of relief there, too. He's happy with the choice he made, even if he might not be fully happy right now. Even if we might not understand the choice he made.

It doesn't mean he'll never be happy.

But also — he left the UK.

He's not banned from re-entry.

Phones still work both ways.

He's not cut off from everyone.

Nothing says he is going to be in Kansas forever. He's in Kansas for now. And to quote Avenue Q: everything in life, is only for now.

The conversation he had with Trent in the office? I don't see it as a rejection or a shut down of Trent's affections. Ted's in a space of turmoil but something Trent wrote made him laugh. (I think screenshots show it's the night of the Indian date?). Ted doesn't push him away. Trent knows that Ted isn't actually going to give good feedback if he's constantly hovering. So he leaves him to his reading.

But it's not like they're never close again. There's still the Diamond Dog scene. Later on during the match, it's the first time that we actually see Trent is in the coach's dugout. There's still a closeness to them. (And he has a front row seat to Ted knowing the off-side rule.)

I always had my tongue in cheek with all my weekly Tedependent posts — I knew we'd never get to see a queer Ted on screen. We were never going to get the kiss. We were never going to get their relationship on screen. That's the thing with slashing characters. We were lucky to get Trent declared gay canonically. I only ever expected him to be coded as queer. I'll accept my bisexual-coded Ted.

Just because he went back to Kansas doesn't mean he's living in the closet forever.

What is it that Trent said in the last Diamond Dog meeting?

I don't think we change, per se, as much as we just learn to accept who we've always been, you know?

Maybe Ted isn't ready to accept that part of himself and it's why he goes back. Ted, single, in America? It's the best ending for those of us who want to create content and ship TedTrent together.

Nothing's stopping Ted from going back to London to find the man he finally realizes he loves and left behind after he reads the love letter Trent wrote to him in the form of The Richmond Way, right down to the dedication that reads Still love our chats.

Nothing's stopping Trent from coming to America to find the gaffer he's never been able to forget.

Nothing's stopping Michelle from realizing her ex-husband is miserable and — after plotting with Trent — figures out how to move everyone back to the UK.

Nothing's stopping Ted from finding his happiness in the end.

What that happiness is? Is up for Ted.

He's on the path to finding it. And it's okay that it wasn't on the screen.

Because whatever Ted's happiness ends up being... is just for him.

And I think we should be happy for Ted.

[jamiesfootball]

@sighonaraa you opened the door on this so here we go:

PACIFIC RIM AU

Ted and Beard? Hella drift compatible. Shouldn't even need to be said. Since becoming a dad, Ted has struggled to justify his job as a trainer for the Pan Pacific Defense Corp, but damnit someone has to care about these pilots. Someone's gotta train them to make it out alive. So many of them die young.

He wonders sometimes if its selfish of him that he's not a pilot himself, but there's no hiding that sort of thinking in the drift. The Beard he knows in the drift is the gentlest man in the world, and he always, always, talks Ted down from doing anything stupid.

Rebecca is what happens when the drift goes sour. Rupert used what he learned to dig his claws in further. Rebecca was never a pilot, but Rupert's money helped built all of this. Even though she left him, even though he's halfway across the Pacific and she's the one left running everything, his voice remains in her head like a ghost. It's only by having people like Keeley and Ted at her side that she's begun to think 'maybe I'll try again some day. maybe.'

The tragedy of Roy Kent is that he didn't die young. Recruits have been calling him an old man since he turned thirty. He's almost forty. He's outlived all the recruits who first called him old. At this point he's become so overbearing, so controlling in a drift, that he's almost impossible to find a partner for.

Everyone is bewildered when one of the new recruits, some hot-headed mollusk they pried out of Manchester of all places, takes the general compatibility test and his scores come back. They check and they check again, and then they reluctantly call in Roy Kent.

Roy dislikes him instantly. He's too cocky and he doesn't take the risks seriously. They have one sparring session. Roy curses the sixth sense years of piloting have given him. They're drift compatible. Offensively so. Why won't the world give him a break?

Their first and only test drift is an unmitigated disaster. They nearly destroy one of the last functioning Jaegers; repairs will take months. Both of them walk away from the experience scraped raw and haunted by the knowledge they'll have to carry about each other for the rest of their lives.

Meanwhile Colin and Isaac are two guys from different departments who happened to meet in the lift one day. They ended up at the cafeteria talking for hours about everything and nothing, and the next day they got tested on a lark, even though neither was in the training program. Scores came back off the chart, they are now in the training program. It's terrifying. They wouldn't trade it for the world.

Richard and Jan Maas are barely drift compatible and shouldn't be let anywhere near a giant robot but somehow they keep winning so-

Keeley is the cutie on the bridge who gets to wear the bright colorful suspenders and run the clock.

Moe is one of those crazy scientists, but I couldn't decide which one so he might be both idk

Actually I've decided that Trent Crimm is Newton. He's not a scientist per se but he is a researcher and has fantastic style and rock t-shirts.

Oh and there's a sweet moment in here where Dani offers to drift with Jamie even though they basically just met and it is beautiful and healing. Dani is one of the most all-around drift compatible people around, but he really loves his amigo Jamie.

Sam is also a pilot in training and everyone in the world is like 'please no don't let the kaiju kill him or truly there is there no god in this world'

[vole-mon-amour]

3x09, part 3.

The symbolism of Ted being the one who starts this and binding them all together. The symbolism of Beard following Ted, just the same way he followed him from USA to UK.

If they don't stop with this tension, I'm gonna beat Isaac's ass. These hands? How it should be. Colin is trying so much, baby boy.

Something something, Jamie struggling with namings and identities and maybe generally being dyslexic? Aside from still being the heart of the team, that sunshine. He's trying.

It makes me think of that "You thought I was the best?" moment. The moment on the bikes where Jamie thanks Roy for doing it for him or "for the team". He's often not sure & I feel that. There is soooo much to Jamie and his personality. I always look for him on the screen before anyone else. I love him.

Can we talk about how previously in the show it was established that Isaac, Colin, and Sam are best friends? And Colin was looking up to Jamie in s1? And in s3 it's obvious that Jamie and Sam are best friends, and Colin and Jamie are actually really good pals, too? I find it VERY curious that both Sam and Jamie get themselves in between Colin and Isaac & it's Jamie who tells Isaac to "Relax." Jamie is such a good boy & my heart is just so full of love for him. Sam is, too, obviously, it's just that my heart belongs to Jamie. :)

*screams* COLIN DESERVES BETTER. The team deserves better, but the tension is fucking REAL.

This is a mess & I'm very sad, but at the same time I'm glad to see that it's Roy who tries to resolve the situation. As an ex footballer that played with this team and now their coach. I can't fully explain it, it just gives me feelings.

!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE this moment. Roy's "Good lad" at Isaac & forcing the security to get that homophobic fan out. Speaking of. Queer Roy? Supportive Roy? Roy whose ex is bisexual and dated a woman and he won't fucking stand for homophobia?

Fast forward to this scene. Roy as the voice of reason, indeed.

Can we discuss that while Isaac is enraged after being called a bunch of faggots, the camera focuses on BOTH Colin and Jamie? Jamie looks at Colin then at Isaac. The boy knows (or at least feels). The boy is also bisexual himself.

My heart belongs to him completely. Emmy winner Phil Dunster when?

No but the drama of Trent always having a pin in his jacket pocket? And the camera focusing on him after the "other f-word" was clarified? Then on Colin?

They went with the poopeh again, huh?

Why does he often has such puppy eyes? I'm— Also, the injured knee. That's football for you.

Yeah, well. That's homophobia for you. As a person that lives in a country where homophobia is legalized by law and queer people are being targeted, I agree, that sucks. But as one person, you can only show your support through socials, I think.

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

i was talking about how i like to have s1 trent get his brains kissed out (bc he deserves it) and also how if it's ted like. the earlier in the season it is the funnier it becomes. when you're not taking it too seriously. ANYWAY. and now i'm thinking about like. okay, so, ted charms trent pretty early. obviously. he wins him over in episode three, with the interview, but i think he was already at least a little bit reluctantly charmed by his second press conference in episode two. now, i've done plenty of scenarios where they meet pre-canon/ep1 for whatever reason, and i've done plenty where they end up kissing/become closer than in canon during s1. usually during or after episode three. however i am now thinking of what would happen if they somehow met, in a relatively in private, non-professional, one-on-one (or with only their kids, no other adults?) context, etc, between episode one and two, when trent's opinion of him is at the lowest it ever gets (and honestly, probably vice versa, too). and i am just... spinning that.

because, i mean. you know ted's gonna charm him. even if he isn't trying quite as hard without the interview giving him a direct reason, he's gonna charm him. just by being his kind, goofy self, he's gonna charm him, and without the interview to give context and reason to be talking professionally--assuming they are still talking and not avoiding each other, for whatever contrived reason--it's gonna put poor trent in such a snit. liking ted personally, so much, and not knowing how to handle it because as far as he's concerned, this is still someone who is putting the team and everyone who cares about it in a bad situation, but also, even after talking to the man for a few hours, it's already hard to believe he would do that. trent catching on to the fact ted lasso is smarter than he pretends, catching on to the fact that nice and kind and positive attitude is at least mostly if not completely and utterly sincere, and all that--just a little bit earlier. not enough to really make a difference in canon but. idk man. a) assuming this is a barely canon divergent thing it's just kind of fun to imagine that happening b) however back on my s1 trent gets kissed agenda i have literally no idea what circumstances could possibly arise to make that happen however i am CACKLING at the thought.

ANYWAY, back to the point: i just think there's something kind of compelling about that. between episodes one and two, when both of them have the lowest opinion of the other they will ever have, meeting in some innocuous way and being helplessly, unwillingly charmed. ted sees That One Reporter outside the press room only he's affectionately wrestling a frog hat onto a small child, grinning at her when she boops his nose, and can't help a smile at the reminder that even the coldest, rudest people are people, capable of kindness and goofiness, and he hadn't forgotten but it's still nice to see. trent, confronted with the full blast beam of The Lasso Effect right to the face and up close and outside of the press room, away from where he feels most confident, off duty and balance, sans notebook and pen, stumbling just a little into awkwardness, the edge of rudeness that comes from dislike that's tempered by some standard of british politeness and a hint of confusion and then quickly melted away entirely into utter bewilderment and oddly endeared charm, because what. trent crimm has no idea what to think of him. ted finds he actually likes trent, quite a bit--their conversation, however odd, had been entertaining, and despite their, uh, eventful, less-than-ideal first impression, ted may or may not have a favorite journo suddenly. because that sharp-cutting no-holds-barred journo from the press room is also strangely warm, and perpetually bewildered at the smallest kindnesses, and a good dad, nevermind that ted's heart is aching interacting with little kids like that.

idk man i'm just going in circles here i'm rotating and spinning because something something each seeing a better side to the other just a teensy bit earlier and it doesn't really change that much in the long run, unless it does; something something ted has only seen trent once, at his worst, being outright hurtful, and now here they are outside of that context, and trent has only reasons to think ted's incompetent, careless, greedy, an asshole, or some combination of the four, and yet here they are, and just. idk man! something

[bisexualbuck]

what it wants

word count: 12k | tedtrent, mutual pining, trent centric

[READ ON AO3]

Trent starts seeing the perfect man, so of course he wants to break up with him. All because he can't stop pining for Ted Lasso. Or, It takes some work, but they get there in the end.

Unlike his past dalliances since coming out, Trent doesn’t meet Hugo Willoughby on an app.

He’d call it a proper meet-cute if he dared. He doesn’t.

.

Their meeting goes like so.

.

It’s late one evening, and Trent is running to the Tesco by his place in his rattiest band tee, his hair thrown up in a greasy bun.

Nellie is at her mother’s place tonight, and although his daughter’s absence feels like his lungs can’t expand to their full extent and he’s always one breath away from choking on air, it also allows him to get more writing done that he would have otherwise.

His bout of inspiration carried him for hours and when it left, he only then realised how famished he was, and that he desperately needed to so some grocery shopping. Hence the late night supermarket visit.

Trent is longing for a quick, easy meal before falling into bed and sleep for a few blissful hours.

He reaches for the pre-made chicken tikka masala as the exact same moment someone else does. His fingers brush against the stranger’s though neither let go of the box.

Tired and hungry, Trent turns to the stranger, ready to tell them off. His words catch in his throat when his gaze meets the bluest eyes he’s ever seen.

The man before him is strikingly handsome, sharp-jawed and golden-skinned. He’s taller than Trent and much more muscular, but with the form of someone who is naturally predisposed to build up rather than spending all his time at the gym.

“Oh,” the man laughs. “I see we both want the same thing.”

His voice is deep and warm, and it does something to Trent’s belly when he hears it.

“You can have it,” he says despite the rumbling in his stomach.

What can he say? He’s got a weakness for tall men with great voices, that much he can admit.

“We could trade,” the stranger offers. “I’ll let you have the meal, and in exchange you buy me a drink.”

Trent blinks. He wants to ask if this is a joke, because what else could it be? He is very aware of how unkept he looks at the moment, with his wild hair and unflattering old clothes. Why would anyone as stunning as the man in front of him would show any interest?

But he is being sincere, Trent can see it. He sees the appreciation in the stranger’s gaze as it rakes over Trent’s face and lanky frame.

For a moment, Trent doesn’t even know what to answer. For a man who has spent his life using words like a sword and a shield both, he struggles to come up with an adequate answer.

“Deal,” is what comes out his mouth in the end.

Jesus fucking Christ, what a repartee.

“Wonderful,” the man replies with an open air of sincerity. “I’m Hugo.”

And that’s how Trent Crimm goes home that night with a handsome man’s phone number and the promise of meeting each other soon.

.

They go on several easy dates in which they converse without effort. Whenever silence does befall them, it is comforting, the kind of companionship that comes with two kindred spirits finding each other.

This is what Trent has been missing his entire life. A man who cares for him, who understands him.

Hugo is a handsome, kind and intelligent man who has openly stated how invested he is in this blossoming thing of theirs.

If only Trent could be satisfied by it. If only he didn’t have to long for what could never belong to him.

“In the spirit of honesty,” Hugo tells him several weeks into their seeing each other, “I should tell you that I’m all but smitten with you, Trent.”

And what is Trent to reply?

“Oh. That’s– that’s great. Good.”

Anyone who ever thought of Trent Crimm as smooth – or god forbid, suave – was only ever fooled by his years of hiding his innate awkwardness. Hugo seems to find said awkwardness endearing as he smiles, fond, and pressed a gentle kiss to Trent’s lips before he returns to cooking for the both of them.

He is a perfect man.

Trent should break up with him.

He’s already broken his ex-wife’s heart by hiding his true self from her, he can’t do that to Hugo as well. What if Hugo were to fall in love with Trent, and Trent never feels for him as he deserves?

Still, Trent can’t seem to let go of the selfish part of him that’s afraid of never again finding someone who would care for him in such a way.

He wishes he could enjoy this, immerse himself in it.

Damn his idiotic yearning heart.

It’s not Ted’s fault that Trent has fallen so deeply in love with him, and yet, sometimes, in the darkest hours of the night when his insomnia keeps his eyes open and staring at nothing, Trent resents him for it anyway.

It’s always gone by the first lights of morning. Every single time it happens, Trent feels guilty for it when Ted offers him one of his genuine smiles. Of course Trent was to fall in love with Ted Lasso. How could he help it? Surely all moths are in love with the light that would burn them should they get too close.

Trent likes it. He likes how the edges of himself burn away when he is in proximity to Ted. He would lead himself to the pyre only if for a chance of another sweet smile flashed his way.

There is no place for Hugo in this melodrama, but every time Trent tries to steel himself to free the man from this mess, Hugo does something so thoughtful and lovely that Trent finds himself cowering away.

Trent Crimm must be a coward then.

He had one period of insanity that he thought was bravery in which he came out to Laura, and then later got himself fired from his job, but this did not last and to cowardice he has returned.

.

Ever since Amsterdam, Colin has taken to come by Trent’s place whenever they can manage it. Trent has gone to Colin’s twice but the young player feels more at ease somewhere none of the team could be dropping by without warning.

Michael is in Brazil for a fortnight which has the welcomed consequence of Colin being there on more nights than usual.

When Trent finally approached him in that queer bar, he never thought they would grow so close. He was expecting a single conversation to let Colin know he wasn’t alone at the club, but it’s become obvious he was in need of a friendship with another gay man.

In truth, so was Trent.

“Care for a cuppa?” he asks after Nellie has been put to bed, story read and forehead kissed goodnight.

“Please.”

Colin and Nellie get on like a house on fire. It’s amusing to see a grown man have so much fun playing with Peppa Pig figurines or completing bright animal puzzles.

Rain is continuing to pour down outside as it has all evening. Trent knows Colin isn’t comfortable driving in such a deluge. It doesn’t look like it’s going to relent any time soon, and so Trent is half-expecting Colin to crash on the sofa once again.

“Oh, before I forget,” Colin says when Trent hands him his tea. “Michael will be back next week, and he offered to host you and Hugo for dinner. We want to meet the guy, it’s been like three months since you’ve been seeing each other.”

Trent busies himself with the biscuits he’s gotten out – proper British ones – although he only breaks one in half without taking a bite out of it.

The silence stretches out.

“Trent?”

“I might call things off with Hugo.”

“What?” Colin exclaims. “Why? What happened? Has he done something? I though things were going good.”

“They are! He is great, perfect even,” Trent is forced to admitted. “Attentive, kind, funny.”

“So why do you want to break up with him?”

Colin’s brows are furrowed in confusion and worry both. It’s clear he doesn’t understand why Trent would want to break up with such a lovely man.

“I wish I could tell you,” Trent confesses. “Hugo is a gem of a man, and he’s made it clear he is smitten with me.”

“Smitten?” Colin repeats, eyes twinkling with mirth.

“Well, yes. That’s the word he used, at least.”

Trent brushes off some dust off his sleeve, though he suspects even a microscope wouldn’t have revealed it. He is slightly uncomfortable with this barring of his emotions but there’s some relief, giddiness even, at being able to speak so openly.

Despite being closer than ever with his ex-wife, he and Laura don’t speak much of their respective romantic endeavours.

“What’s the problem then?”

“I don’t feel anything,” Trent comes clean. “I mean, he is handsome, I’m not blind, and I do appreciate the times we’ve been spending together, but that’s it. It’s missing something.”

“There’s no spark.”

“Right.” He pauses. “Perhaps it is too much to expect for me, and I should satisfy myself with it.”

“Hey, don’t say that,” Colin cries, looking offended on his behalf.

“Let’s be serious here, I’m nearing fifty, I came out when I was already middle-aged. Trust me, there aren’t a lot of men throwing themselves at me. Hugo is great, I should be happy. I should like him, so why am I still waiting for more? Why can’t I ever be satisfied? I’m always striving for perfection and it’s ruined so many things for me.”

He interrupts his rant with a strangled sound, as though choking his own words down and shoving them back down his throat and deep behind his lungs where they could never see the light of day.

Perhaps Trent isn’t as ready to open up as he thought. His skin is scrawling from saying so much uncensored, and he wants to burrow in the darkness and forget any of this ever happened.

Old habits die hard, it seems.

“I think it’s normal that you want something great,” Colin says kindly. “Especially because you came out so recently. You’ve been waiting for this your entire life. Of course you’re not going to be satisfied with something that doesn’t make you feel alive, you know? You should be in a relationship that makes you feel amazing.”

Trent’s mind, the traitor, flashes to Ted, and he closes his eyes, pained.

“I’m afraid there’s no chance of it.”

Silence follows the statement.

“Is this because you have feelings for the gaffer?” Colin asks hesitantly.

Trent’s eyes bolt open to find Colin looking at him with sympathy. He feels his face falls, then his cheeks redden before he pales, skin ashened by his mortification.

“It’s fine, mate,” Colin continues, gentler and definitely more awkward for having brought up the subject without warning. “I didn’t notice you signalling with the rainbow mug and whatever, but now that I know you like blokes, it wasn’t hard to pierce it together.”

He hesitates for a moment before deciding to continue on.

“You love Ted, don’t you?”

“I’d rather not talk about it,” is the answer that rushes past Trent’s tightened lips.

“Come on,” Colin insists, too kind still and it makes Trent’s skin crawl. “This doesn’t have to be a one-way thing – us, I mean. I know you see yourself as some kind of mentor, and I guess it’s true in a way, but I’m here for you too. We’re friends, yeah?”

The tightness growing around Trent’s heart releases its hold, if only for now. That’s what Trent has always done, hide himself away behind the coldness that inhabits him until it all but defined him. He was Trent Crimm and he was distant.

He doesn’t want to be that Trent Crimm any more. It was a lie, at least some of it. Yes, he can be cold but that’s only because he was made to smother the fire that forever burns inside of him, so much so that he forgot it was there. It always was.

Meeting Ted reignited it until it burned through all the layers of the jaded, cynical journo until there was nothing left but the real Trent.

He now walks with his flesh flayed, his true skin exposed for all to see. It would be tempting to cover it again, except he knows the price one has to pay for such a cloak. He has paid it too long.

For nothing in the world would Trent go back to that version of himself. Oh, he will never be Ted Lasso level of enthusiasm and endless positivity, but he’s not as aloof now. Gone is the tension that resided between his shoulders blades for the past thirty something years.

Trent Crimm is a man reborn.

This newness makes it all the more fragile, he finds himself unsure of how to stand in this new world. He clings somewhat still to the coldness because that’s all he’s known for so long, but then he goes and rants to Ted about Total Football, and wonders if he will ever know how to be neither ‘not enough’ or ‘too much’.

He wants to reach out. He wants to laugh if he finds a joke funny, he wants to tell the jokes himself without overthinking if he should and end up letting the moment pass.

Fuck, he just wants to be himself. And yes, he can admit, that means also opening up to a new friend because they asked.

“We are friends indeed,” Trent confirms.

“Then talk to me. I don’t want you to think you can only listen. Truth is, I’ve never had a mate like you, you understand what it’s like to be in this environment and to be gay. I don’t have gay friends even, and no one I’ve ever hooked up with was into football. Michael tries but he doesn’t get it, not really.”

“I’m not a footballer.”

“But you’ve been around the lot of us for a long time, you know what it’s like.”

Trent can only agree with the statement.

“So?” Colin insists. “The gaffer?”

A sigh escapes Trent, although it’s more show than any proof of aggravation.

“So what if I do?” he grits out, then sighs again as he feels resignation take hold of him. “It’s hopeless.”

“You love him, right? It’s not just a crush.”

“I don’t do crushes,” Trent bristles. “But yes, it’s more profound than that at any rate. Not that it matters.”

“You never know,” Colin tries only to be stopped by Trent raising his hand.

There must be quite the retched expression upon his face because Colin makes a move as if to hug him, but Trent flinches and Colin stops. Trent has to look away, unable to stand the look of sympathy he finds there.

“Don’t,” he rasps. “I don’t need pity.”

“Jesus Christ, mate – it’s not pity! We’ve just established we’re friends. Sorry if I don’t like to see my friends in pain.”

Feeling chastised, Trent bows his head down.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, just talk to me.”

“Right,” Trent sighs. “It’s true, I do have romantic feelings for Ted, but it is hopeless. After all you’ve heard him – he’s straight.”

Colin hums, pensive.

“I don’t know,” he says, articulating each word slow. “I said I was straight many many times before in my life, and I never meant it. I think you did too. So you never know.”

“Don’t. Don’t even try. I can’t deal with such false hopes.”

After all, it’s the hope that kills you, isn’t that what people say? Trent can’t handle entertaining the idea that Ted could ever be interested in him, it’s much easier to deal with his own sorrow in a most private manner.

One day it will cease to hurt. It must.

“You should tell him,” Colin says. “Because if you tell Ted and he rejects you, then you’ll know and you’ll be able to move on and you won’t have this what-if hanging over your head.”

“I can’t tell him.”

Colin bites his lip and lets the silence linger. Trent’s biscuit is nothing but crumbs under his fingers. He hasn’t taken a bite out of it.

“So you break up with Hugo but you never confess to Ted. That’s your plan?”

“I don’t have a plan,” Trent snaps, lashing out because he’s hurt out of habit. He deflates right away, shameful. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“No one knows what they’re doing, that’s why we got a team to have our backs.”

Trent huffs. Having a team, here is a concept he isn’t used to. Soon anyway he will be leaving Richmond. He will keep in touch with Colin, of that much he is certain. Their bond is too vital to each of them to let something as pesky as distance tarnish it.

The rest of the team, however – Trent has no illusions. Oh, they would be happy to see him if they ran into him, they might even reach out once in a while but even that would only cease given enough time.

And Ted –

Trent doesn’t want to think about Ted disappearing from his life.

“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but you are in love with Ted, and I think you need to deal with that one way or another. I don’t know if you should break up with Hugo, but you’re steering him on a bit, no?”

Colin pauses, allowing for Trent to say something but Trent has nothing to say.

“Hugo’s falling in love with you and he’s thinking that so are you, but you’re not,” he resumes. “You are still hung up on another bloke who you are so sure you have no chances with. So you think you have to satisfy yourself with the first guy who showed interest in you, and it’s not fair to Hugo.”

“I know it’s selfish,” Trent mutters. “That’s why I said I would break up with him.”

It’s not something that Trent wants to hear, but it is something he needs to hear from someone that’s not himself.

He knows all this and Colin is right, and Trent is being selfish. Hugo does deserve better.

“But what happens if you never stop being in love with Ted? What if this is like this for always? Are you going to pine for him and do nothing about it? Can’t be in a relationship because you love Ted, but can’t be with Ted?”

There are so many thoughts whirling through Trent’s mind that he can’t begin to make sense of them. It was easier when he buried all of them, focused only on his work and the goals he made for himself. It was easier to deny every want and need of his, and slap over them the expectations demanded of him.

It’s harder being oneself, but it’s so much more fucking rewarding.

Trent pushes away the need to retract into himself, and accepts the confusion.

“What are you saying? That I actually should try and stick it out with Hugo?”

“Listen, I don’t know. If you stay with Hugo though, you need to accept that you can have happiness even if it’s not what you had in mind for yourself. Getting in a relationship with someone doesn’t start with love most of the time, just a good feeling. The love comes after. Perhaps you’ll learn to love Hugo too.”

Trent reaches for a tissue to wipe his hands off the blasted biscuit. He is sure that if he were to try a bite now, it would only taste like ashes on his tongue.

“You know,” Colin ventures, “you say you’re selfish for all this, but I don’t agree.”

“No?”

“Like, you have the right to be happy, you know? It’s normal that you can’t let go of Hugo because he doesn’t want to let you go either. Now Ted… I think it’s selfless. You love him, completely, but you don’t expect anything at all from him. You aren’t asking for anything in return. There’s beauty in that, I think.”

“Whenever did you get so wise, Colin Hughes?” Trent jokes to hide the rising emotions such words provoked in him.”

“You must be rubbing off on me, boyo.”

They are family, but there isn’t a neat little box they can shove this friendship in. Colin isn’t like a son to him, they aren’t quite brothers either. They are something that defies definition – they are Colin and Trent, two widely different men united by some common existence.

“I appreciate you,” Trent says, borrowing the words of the man he loves.

The conversation trails off after that.

What else is there to say? Trent needs to make a decision either way.

To stay with a man who cares for him despite Trent’s own lack of passion, or to long for a man who could never love him back, remaining alone and miserable for however long it took to get over Ted Lasso.

Colin does sleep on the sofa that night, and when Trent brings down a blanket and pillow for him, Colin wraps him in a brief embrace.

At least, Trent thinks as he hugs his friend back, he isn’t quite so alone as he used to be.

.

Trent thinks about it for the next few days.

He hasn’t a date planned with Hugo till the next Sunday when Nellie will be at her mother’s. Hugo hasn’t met either of them yet though Laura has been asking about it more and more lately.

It’s the first time Trent has been dating a man for so long, and she’s happy for him. Still, he can’t bring himself to burden her with his doubts and hesitations.

Hasn’t he burdened her enough?

It’s selfish to keep dating Hugo, yet that’s what Trent does.

Now, however, he will pour all of himself in this relationship, try and be the partner that Hugo deserves although he knows he never will be.

Trent can move on from Ted. He can, he will.

He can bury his feelings for Ted Lasso and pretend that this time, it’s different because it’s for his own happiness. Trent is not falling back into tried flaws, he is not. He is merely adapting old strategies for a new play.

One can’t full one’s stomach with crumbs. Trent hungers for more, and he starts wondering if perhaps there is truth to it – why shouldn’t he have the love and companionship so many praise? So what if it’s with the person he dreamed of?

He can live with it. Thunder and lightning, it’s all overrated. With Hugo, Trent can make a life for himself and for his daughter. He needs to stop wanting for the impossible and satisfy himself with what he’s got.

It’s already more than he deserves.

The heart wants what it wants, but Trent has a mind also and he will force it to quiet the pathetic yearning of his aching, ever-beating betrayer of a heart.

He can choose who to love. He is choosing Hugo.

And if it’s the rational choice, then so be it.

.

It’s early one morning and Trent and Hugo are getting ready for the day.

Hugo is looking as handsome as ever in nothing but pants and his vest, the heavy muscles of his legs and arms on full display.

The smell of coffee caries through the entire flat and brings with it the promise of a new day.

They are both sitting at the table, Trent doing last week’s crossword all the while aware that he will never have the patience to finish one. Hugo is busy reviewing documents for a meeting he will have in the afternoon.

His job as a budget analysis isn’t the most exciting, but it’s well-respected and well-paying. Even Trent’s ever-demanding parents would find no protests against it.

The bubble of quiet is shattered by Hugo clearing his throat. Trent abandons his crossword readily, but when he takes in the not quite serious but cautious look upon Hugo’s face, he straightens.

“I’ve been thinking,” Hugo starts slowly. “Maybe I could come to training sometime?”

In an occurrence that happens all the more often these days, Trent finds himself speechless.

“Not today, or not anytime soon,” Hugo adds, “but I’d like to see where you work.”

Not anytime soon, like he plans on staying in Trent’s life for a long, long time. He says it easily, as if it’s obvious to him that he shall be here months from now. Years even.

The offer is made without pressure or expectation. Hugo is giving all the power of decision to Trent who can’t think of a reason to refuse – except for the shameful fear that bringing his boyfriend to Richmond will make the hopelessness of his feelings for Ted all the more real.

And that’s exactly what Trent needs.

After all, he has given up on Ted, he has dug a hole into the remnants of his broken heart and hid all his longing so that no one, not even himself, could take a peek at it.

“Yes. I’d like that.”

It’s not quite a lie, but it’s not exactly true either.

It makes Hugo smile anyway, a bright beautiful thing tearing at his lips.

“And when I’m there, what will you say to your friends about me?”

It’s still undemanding, still nonjudging, Hugo only want to know so that he can be ready for it.

“I’ll tell them we’re boyfriends, will I not?”

Despite himself, Trent finds himself blushing. Boyfriend, what a word to use at forty eight years of age, but it feels right. Yes, said boyfriend won’t be the man he truly loves, but it’s still a euphoric eureka to think that he’s allowed this.

He’s allowed to bring a man to his workplace and introduce him as his boyfriend.

It’ll be okay. Everything will be okay.

He will learn to bury his feelings for Ted, and from that will grow new feelings for Hugo. This love might never be as all-encompassing as the torch he carries for Ted Lasso, but it will be true nonetheless.

Hugo beams again, and this time Trent feels a flutter of something deep in his belly, brief but there.

.

Pretending that he hasn’t feelings for Ted is easier said than done.

The flutters of Trent’s heart refuse to cease despite all his great determination and stubbornness. His heart has a mind of its own, clearly, and will not back down.

All that Trent can do now is to stifle the yearning as it comes up, and if he tries and takes some distance from Ted, no one should notice.

It’s hard though to resist the orbit of Ted Lasso. Trent’s gaze is ever drawn to him, his ear always tuned to that Kansas twang. His brain picks apart every interaction that they have, analyses every smile and every look.

It’s pathetic, it’s what it is – to love and want a man so, a man who acts with Trent the same way he does with everyone else.

Trent isn’t special to Ted.

And when they’ll go their separate ways, Ted will not miss him.

.

Trent is coming back from a lunch break shared with, surprisingly, Rebecca.

It took some time for Rebecca to warm up to him which was to be expected. After all, Trent worked as one of the enemies for many years, albeit he never criticised her for anything but her handling of the club once it belonged to her.

Once she did accept Trent in her circle, they came to the conclusion that both of them shared some common interests and personality traits.

They have similar tastes in art, and know a lot of the same people. Mainly though, they gossip.

As soon as Trent walks into his office, Ted calls after him.

Helpless to resist the summon, Trent struts to the door that separates the two spaces and props himself against the same drawer he always does.

“What can I do for you?” he asks, knowing his face is softened beyond words though unable to stop it.

“It’s not what you can do for me, but what I can do for you!” Ted replies with his usual megawatt smile. “The Diamond Dogs and I are doing a little meet-up at the Crown and Anchor tonight. Of course, you’re invited, being one of us.”

“I’m not a fucking Diamond Dog,” Roy cuts in.

“Right, Roy isn’t,” Ted amends, “but he’s still coming.”

Trent wants so badly to accept the offer, not even just because he would love to spend the evening in Ted’s company, but because he is proud to be a Diamond Dog as foolish as it may sound. He likes being a part of something.

Too, he is afraid of the day he will no longer be a part of it, a day that grows ever closer with the season nearing its end.

“Ah,” Trent breathes out. “I would have loved to join, but I fear it won’t be possible seeing as I have prior engagements.”

The smile slips out from Ted’s lips, a frown settles instead upon his brows.

“But I thought you didn’t have Nellie on Thursdays.”

“No, I don’t–”

“You’ve got a date,” Beard interrupts, eyes narrowing and gaze unreadable.

Trent feels trapped all of the sudden. He wonders if he should lie but the slight blush that takes over his cheeks betrays him before he can make up his mind.

“Oh, he does,” Roy says, sounding amused. “Didn’t think you had it in you.”

“What does that mean?” Trent shots back, insulted.

“No, there,” Ted intervenes and Trent’s gaze snaps to him. “Of course anyone would be lucky to go on a date with Trent Crimm, Independent.”

Ted doesn’t appear overjoyed at the idea however. The smile that’s back in place now appears somewhat forced and unnatural.

Could it mean–?

But no.

Trent strangles the half-formed thought. He knows Ted has been hoping to settle down, it’s envy only, not jealousy, that darkens his expression.

“How long have you been going out?” Ted asks, still hesitant and awkward.

“Some weeks now,” Trent replies although it’s not quite correct.

“Weeks?!”

Ted isn’t the only surprised at the answer, both Roy and Beard are now frowning at Trent too.

“Now, we do really need to meet this mysterious date.”

“They could come tonight,” Beard offers, a mysterious edge to his voice.

“Oh, I don’t think–” Trent tries but Roy cuts him off again.

“Yeah, we can vet them.”

The conversation is escaping Trent entirely. Gone are the days where he used to command an entire press room just by stating his name, or maybe he never was able to deal with personal interventions the same way and merely avoided them.

“We don’t need to vet anyone,” Ted says to his fellow coaches with a pointed look before turning to Trent again. “We’re happy for you. Your date is one lucky person.”

It’s not insincere but there’s an added layer of meaning for which Trent doesn’t a dictionary to translate.

He’s missing something and he doesn’t know what.

What he notices is the choice of gender neutral term, and he wonders if his rainbow mug hasn’t gone as unnoticed as he thought. He almost blurts out the three words that have been crashing against his lips for so long, but he can’t bring himself to come out just yet.

“If you say so,” Trent mutters instead.

“I do say so! Anyone should be over the moon to have a date with you, Buttercup.”

Then, why won’t you do it?

No, Trent admonishes himself. He is happy with Hugo, he truly is.

If he says it enough times, perhaps he will start to believe it.

.

Another week passes and nothing changes, except for the strange glances he keeps Ted throwing at him.

These mean nothing at all and so Trent will not read anything into them, though he does burn them to memory.

The voice in his head that sounds too much like his ex-wife Laura is taunting as it reminds him of what an imbecile he’s being.

That too, he can ignore.

.

It’s not like Trent doesn’t know that Hugo was planning on dropping by AFC Richmond to observe training. They have talked about it, Trent has agreed to it.

Still, when it happens, he is startled.

Stranding in his usual place, close to the doors that lead to the locker room, Trent has his notebook resting on the handrail as he scribbles down observations and such.

“Hello handsome,” a familiar voice comes from behind him.

Trent jumps. His notebook scatters to the ground, drawing the attention of several players as well as the three coaches. He throws them a smile he hopes to be reassuring, although he is certain it probably looks stunted.

When he turns, Hugo is smiling at him with a bemused but fond look. He is holding two cardboard cups from Trent’s favourite coffee shops.

“Hugo,” he breathes out. “Hi.”

“Is this okay? You said it was, but I can leave if you’d rather.”

God, he’s so thoughtful and caring.

Trent doesn’t deserve it, he never has.

“Of course it’s okay,” he tells him. “We’ve talked about this, haven’t we?”

“We have indeed, but I’d have understood if you’d changed your mind.”

“Well, my mind remains unchanged,” Trent replies and immediately cringes at his own ineptitude.

He catches Colin’s gaze who’s warming up out on the pitch with the other players.

Good job, boyo, he seems to convey silently. You weren’t lying, that’s one good-looking man indeed.

Some amusement slips in through the old panic, and once again Trent thanks the powers that be for the friendship with this incorrigible youngster.

“I need to go,” Hugo says, dragging Trent back to the moment.

“Already?”

“I’ve got an important meeting today.”

“With the new client, yes, I remember.”

“I knew you paid attention,” Hugo teases. “But yes, I really can’t stay. This wasn’t planned in fact. I do want to see the place and meet your colleagues, but I couldn’t resist coming to say a quick hello.”

“It’s appreciated,” Trent says and it is.

He might not be in love with Hugo, but he does like him.

A smile tugs at Hugo’s lips, and his gaze drops to Trent’s own lips for the briefest of instants. If Trent hadn’t been looking so intently, he would have missed it.

Oh.

Hugo is leaving. He wants to kiss him goodbye before he does, but he won’t initiate because he knows Trent isn’t out at work. He won’t ask either.

Fear seizes Trent, but he forces it down. He thinks about Colin who may never get to kiss his fella after a match, who doesn’t want to be a spokesperson. Who just wants to live freely.

And then Trent thinks about himself, and the long journey it took him to get to this point. How much suffering he endured because he shoved himself deeper and deeper in the closet.

“Come here,” he whispers.

“Are you sure?” Hugo asks just as low, understanding the meaning of the unsaid words.

Trent can’t speak, he can only nod.

Slowly as to allow Trent the chance of pulling away or changing his mind, Hugo leans in closer and closer until there is no space at all between them, and they are kissing.

It’s a chaste press of the lips but with it comes crashing down the last of Trent’s walls.

When they part, the first thing Trent sees is the blissful look on Hugo’s face.

The second thing is Ted Lasso staring right at him.

Ted snaps his gaze away when their eyes meet. Before he does though, Trent catches the blankest expression he has ever witnessed on the man. His heart skips a beat and it has nothing to do with the kiss he’s just exchanged with Hugo.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Hugo asks.

Right. Another date.

Trent nods, forces a smile and keeps his eyes on the retracting form of his boyfriend, not quite ready to face the new reality he has opened here at AFC Richmond.

“Oi.”

For the second time today, Trent jumps out of his bones.

Roy grunts his greeting and before Trent can start spiralling in fear, he declares with all the gravity he can muster,

“If anyone gives you shit about this, send them to me. I’ll deal with it.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Roy continues. “This is a safe place and shit.”

Unburdened for a moment, Trent laughs and laughs and laughs until there are wild tears gathering at the corner of his eyes, but even then he keeps on laughing.

Roy is looking at him with alarm and – yes, Trent isn’t mistaking it – concern, and the sight of it only redoubles his laughter.

What even is his life that he came out to the entirety of the Richmond team and its coaching staff by kissing his boyfriend goodbye in front of them? And that Roy Kent would come to make sure he knew he would be safe and protected?

It takes a few minutes for the laughter to subdue.

“Do you,” Roy starts looking like all his teeth are being pulled at the same time, “do you want to talk about what the fuck this was?”

“No, Roy,” Trent replies, still high off the incredulity and crashing adrenaline. “I’m quite alright. But thank you.”

“Right.”

After Roy leaves, Trent finally turns his attention to the field. All the players are looking in his direction and don’t seem to care at having being caught.

There are some expressions there that he can’t decipher, but most of them, including Beard, offer Trent a nod – a simple way of letting him know that they have seen him, and they won’t have a problem with it.

Dani Rojas waves, smiling as wide as ever, and Trent can’t help the chuckle that comes out.

A few others smile at him, among them Sam and of course Colin – Colin whose eyes are shining with pride and joy.

The only person that won’t look at him at all, is Ted.

.

The day goes on as it does.

None of the team gives him any reason to run to Roy. In fact, they act around him as they always do, albeit Trent is the receiver of a definite higher number of friendly slaps on the back. Jamie Tartt even hangs off Trent’s shoulder at some point as if it’s something he does every day – which is definitely is not.

It’s nice all the same.

Trent would be overjoyed, basking in this easy acceptance, were it not for Ted’s utter lack of reaction.

The silence is telling, it is deafening, and Trent thinks he could drown in it.

But for all his journey toward self-betterment, he’s still Trent fucking Crimm and Trent Crimm gets the truth.

If Ted Lasso, in spite of all his talk of acceptance and tolerance, turns out to be a homophobe then Trent will wash his hands off him.

Will lights up when he sees Trent making his way toward the locker room, and opens his mouth to say something.

“I don’t have time for this,” Trent snaps, settling back in his journalistic prick skin.

He will have to apologise for it later as he, in fact, quite likes the young kitman, but right now, Trent is a man on a mission.

He marches into the coaches’ office, his gaze narrowed on Ted, and ignores Roy and Beard to stand right before Ted.

“Do we have a problem?” he snarls.

This time, it’s Ted who jumps.

He looks up at Trent with large, stunned eyes. His mouth falls open but none of his usual chatter comes out.

“Do we?” Trent repeats, his voice lowering dangerously.

“No,” Ted answers hurriedly. “There’s no problem, Scouts honor.”

“Then why the hell haven’t you been able to look me in the eye since you’ve seen me kiss my boyfriend this morning?”

A terrible mix of emotions run through Ted’s face – shock, horror, regret, but no anger, no disgust.

“Trent,” he says, retched. “I swear to you, I swear that I don’t have any problems with you dating a man. I swear.”

“Then what is it?” Trent asks, the anger deflating, replaced by tiredness.

Ted glances at Beard before returning his attention to Trent.

“I was jealous,” he says with such honesty it’s hard to look at him. “I saw you kiss him, and I was jealous.”

“Because you’ve been wanting to be in a relationship as well,” Trent finishes.

Ted’s face returns to blankness.

“For fuck’s sake,” Roy swears in his office.

“Right,” Ted admits though it’s lacking conviction – admitting to envying a colleague’s relationship would do that. “That’s right on the money, George Clooney.”

“So there is no issue about me being gay?” Trent has to ask.

It’s the first time he’s saying the words out loud to someone that isn’t his ex-wife, and it feels liberating though terrifying.

“There’s no issue,” Ted confirms, softly.

The last of Trent’s fury bleeds out of him. His shoulders sag in relief and his jaw unclenches.

When he looks around at the office, Roy and Beard are nowhere to be found.

“But now that we’re talking about it,” Ted starts, standing up, “I just want to say that it was a mighty brave thing you did out there.”

“We don’t have to do this.”

“But it was, and I applaud it. May we were all as brave as you.”

Trent chuckles drily. He isn’t feeling very brave right now, only old and weary and yet still elated.

“So, it’s serious then,” Ted ventures. “You called him your boyfriend.”

“I did, yes.”

“And he’s good to you, this boyfriend?” Ted asks, his voice drops softer than the situation warrants.

Trent matches his tone all the same, “He is.”

Ted’s eyes shine a strange, indescribable glint before they settle on somehow dimmed, though sincere.

“That’s good, Trent. You deserve it.”

“Do I?”

The words fly out his mouth before he can even think about stopping them. His mind is a world away from all thoughts of Hugo. Trent can’t be thinking of the man he is dating, not when Ted is standing so close to him.

Never would he cheat, but the burning desire to kiss Ted stupid is still there – not that Ted would want such a thing, of course. Why must Trent always need to remind himself of that?

“Of course you do, buckaroo. You’re– you’re a good person. You deserve all the good things.”

“So do you, Ted. You most of all, truth be told.”

There is something that Ted hesitates to say. Whatever it is, Trent doesn’t get to hear it.

The team returns to the locker room chattering and the moment is broken.

Wordlessly, Trent goes to join the boys. He needs some distance from the confusing man that is Ted Lasso and the mess of feelings he evokes in him.

He joins the team just in time to hear his name said along plans for the next year.

“Next year?” Trent echoes, oddly moved by the assumption that he should still be around then. “I won’t be there next year.”

“What? Why?” several of the players exclaim.

“Aren’t you happy here, Trent Crimm?” Dani asks, a sad twist to his brows.

He is, that’s the thing. But he can’t tell them that.

“I’m writing about this season,” he explains instead. “I won’t be around after it’s over.”

Murmurs of disappointment and dejection rumble through the locker room, and Trent feels his throat close up. He isn’t used to people wanting him to stay – even at the Independent, his colleagues did nothing more than tolerate him. He was polite enough with them, but held them all at a distance for fear that they would see through him.

Here though, Trent has allowed the truth of himself to shine through and these people have accepted him. They had no reason to even trust him, let alone like him, and yet they do.

He doesn’t know what to do with that.

He’s still reeling from his silent coming out to the team just that morning, then his strange conversation with Ted, and this much camaraderie might push him over the edge and well into tearfulness.

“So what are you going to do after?” Sam asks, sounding genuinely interested in the answer.

“I haven’t decided yet,” Trent admits.

“You can’t just go and write about another team,” Jamie of all people says, disdain clear at the thought. “Who’d you even follow? Crystal Palace? Pfft.”

“Right, you’re our ex-journo,” Isaac declares.

“I am touched,” Trent says and he truly is. “However, I can’t forever stay at Richmond.”

“Why not?”

“My editor wouldn’t like it, for a start. I mean, how many books can one write about a single team?”

“Huh, eleven at least,” Jamie points out, waving to the numbers written on top each their compartments.

Why is Jamie so determined to keep him around, Trent doesn’t know and frankly doesn’t have the energy to explore such an enigma.

It’s great. He’s found a place where he belongs, where he can be truly himself, and where he’s liked for all of him.

And he will be leaving all of that soon.

And then he will be alone again.

No. Not alone. He will have Nellie and Laura, and he will have Hugo, and that will suffice.

.

Hugo and Laura get along well.

Trent can see that his ex-wife is easily charmed by his boyfriend, and the three of them enjoy a nice evening together. They haven’t brought Nellie yet, Trent tells himself it’s because he wants Laura to approve of Hugo first, but in reality it’s because he isn’t ready to take that step.

Having his boyfriend meet his daughter would make it too real.

He really is trying but he’s still nowhere near in love. Butterflies haven’t batted their wings for Hugo yet, but they do continue make a ruckus when Trent catches sight of Ted.

Bloody bastards, those butterflies.

The restaurant Trent has picked is lovely, the Lebanese cuisine so excellent it reminds him of his grandmother’s cooking, the atmosphere intimate without being too quiet.

Toward the end of the meal, Hugo excuses himself to the bathroom.

As soon as he is out of earshot, Laura turns her attention to Trent.

“What the fuck are you doing?” she demands.

“I’m not doing anything,” he protests.

“Trent, I love you, but you need to stop.”

“Stop what?”

Laura breathes in sharply through her nose the same way she used to do when they were about to have a fight.

“What have I done, now?” Trent says flatly. “I thought you were liking Hugo.”

“Oh, I am. But you’re not.”

Trent freezes.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she scolds him though not unkindly. “I know you, Trent, and now that we’re divorced, I see you for all that you are, and what you’re being right now is a wanker.”

“Laura, I don’t know what you think you’ve deduced from three hours spend together, but I can assure you I like my boyfriend just fine.”

“That’s my point! You like him, you don’t love him though.”

“What about it? We haven’t been together that long.”

“How long did it take you to fall for the gaffer?”

A quick look toward the bathroom ensures Trent that Hugo isn’t on his way back yet.

“You’re doing to him the exact same thing you did to me,” she continues relentless. “You’re using him as a plaster because you can’t face what you truly want.”

“Laura–” he starts, chocked.

“I’ve forgiven you already,” she cuts him. “I’m not here to have this conversation again, especially not here and not now. But you need to realise what you’re doing.”

Trent catches sight of Hugo, beautiful, lovely Hugo, walking back toward their table.

“Stop punishing yourself,” Laura whispers, gentler than he has a right to have it. “Stop settling, and go for what you want.”

There is no time to expand on it after that. Hugo rejoins them and the evening keeps on, although Trent speaks little and thinks much.

.

“You’re alright in there, Fred Astaire? You’ve been out of it today.”

It’s a testament to how lost Trent is in his thoughts that he doesn’t startle at the sudden presence behind him.

Instead, he slowly turns around to face Ted who is looking at him with a slight furrow to his brows. The office is empty again but for them, something that seems to be occurring more often these days for some strange reason Trent can’t explain.

“I’m fine,” Trent lies.

“You say that and yet I’m sensing an underlying vibe of ‘not fine’.”

Trent knows he should answer, even if only a movement of his lips in the approximation of a smile. Yet he can’t. The tempest of his mind drags him underneath once more, and he drifts to notions he swore he would forever ignore.

Hugo hasn’t met Nellie yet because Trent hasn’t been ready to make the introduction. Why is that so? Why can’t he bring himself to have the man he’s been dating for over three months meet his daughter?

Is it because he isn’t ready or is it because he knows the relationship has no leg to stand, and he doesn’t want Nellie to become attached to someone that will not last?

Nellie has met Ted though. It was an accident, back when Trent was still a journalist at the Independent, and they did not stay long. No matter how short the moment, it showed without the shadow of a doubt how splendidly Nellie and Ted got along, something that only deepened the longing that Trent wouldn’t acknowledge for months still.

Ted remembered to bake her biscuits for a birthday, and has done so every year since then.

He asks after her and listens to Trent as he rambles about all the wonderful things his daughter does, and then he remembers every single of them.

“Trent?”

Trent drags his gaze upward again, unaware of how long he was staring unseeing at the wall behind Ted.

“I’m alright,” he repeats. “I slept badly last night, that’s all.”

With that he means that he did not sleep at all, forced awake by the raging in his skull and chest.

“If you say so,” Ted says but still searching for an unvoiced answer in Trent’s eyes.

That’s when Trent takes notice of Ted’s position. The American is still standing but he’s got a hand on Trent’s desk, the other on Trent’s chair, and his chest is leaning forward toward him.

He’s all but surrounding Trent, boxing him in his seat.

It’s not threatening, quite the contrary in fact. Trent’s blood hums with anticipation – of what, Trent couldn’t tell, but it’s there all the same.

That’s when everything changes.

Ted’s gaze falls to Trent’s lips. Ted’s tongue darts to wet his own lips. He looks up, meets Trent’s gaze and – oh.

This is wishful thinking, Trent thinks with growing desperation. He’s imagining the heaviness of the gaze.

Yet, all logic goes all the window right there and then, and, unthinking, Trent inches forward toward Ted, his lips parting, ready to–

Trent’s rainbow mug drops to the ground.

Ted jolts back.

Trent’s heart is hammering in his chest, wrecking him beyond recognition. What is he doing? What was he about to do? What was he thinking?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Thank God for carpeted floors,” Ted jokes, voice high. “I don’t think it’s broken.”

“I don’t think so, no,” Trent replies, a million kilometres away.

Neither men make a move to pick it up.

“Alrighty then!” Ted exclaims. “I should go and check on Beard, you know, just doing my rounds.”

“Of course. Right.”

Ted makes finger guns at Trent, blinks, and then he’s run out the room.

“Fuck,” Trent swears out loud.

Shame threatens to choke him. What the fuck is he doing? He would have kissed Ted if the mug hadn’t dropped to the ground.

It doesn’t matter if he’s imagined the moment or not, if Ted looked at his lips because he wanted to kiss them or merely because a movement caught his attention.

Of course it was the latter, but it does not matter.

Because Trent forgot all about Hugo and what kind of arsehole does that make of him?

He’s known, he’s always known deep down that he will never be able to love Hugo. It was all a charade he pulled up to hide again, always hiding, always seeking the truth but for his own. Trent will never love Hugo, he will never love anyone else because his heart belongs to one man only.

Trent will always love Ted.

And it hurts because Ted will never love him back, but perhaps he has no right to hope for happiness, especially not after what he’s almost done.

He has hurt so many people in so many different ways – as a journalist, as a husband, as a son, a friend, a partner.

What is it with him that he should break everything he puts his hands on?

But he can free Hugo from him.

.

Laura agrees to taking Nellie for the night without protest and without question.

Her look is knowing though when Trent drops their daughter off, and Laura stands on tiptoe to press a kiss to his temple.

“It’s going to be alright,” she promises him.

It won’t, but Trent appreciates the sentiment.

And that’s how Trent Crimm finds himself knocking on Hugo’s door at eight o’clock on a Wednesday evening.

“What a lovely surprise,” Hugo welcomes him, moving away from the entrance so that Trent can walk into the house.

Trent remains rooted where he stands.

“We need to break up,” he blurts out without fineness

He regrets it as soon as he says it, not for having said it though. He knows he’s pulled this off for far too long. He only wishes he could give Hugo the grace that he deserves, if not all else that he does.

“Oh,” Hugo breathes out, wounded.

“I’m sorry.”

It should be a crime to make such a man appear so small. Hugo is larger than life, his smile brighter than all the stars, and yet he now looks crestfallen, tired beyond his years.

“Come on in then,” he sighs.

Hugo leaves the door open and turns around, walking down the corridor that Trent knows leads to the kitchen.

After a moment’s hesitation, Trent follows after him.

By the time he makes his way to the kitchen, Hugo has gotten out two glasses of wine and has filled them with his favourite white. Trent doesn’t care much for white wine, it’s too sweet for him, but he takes the glass and swallows a large gulp anyway.

“Can I ask why?” Hugo breaks the silence. “Have I done something–? I mean, this is all so very sudden.”

“You were perfect,” Trent admits brokenly. “It’s my fault. I was never fully devoted to this relationship because–”

The words bubble up in his throat where they make him choke on his shame and self-hatred.

“I have feelings for someone else,” he forces himself to confess, willing his soul to bear its final judgement. “Unrequited as they are, mind you. It’s unfair to you either way, and I am truly sorry.”

Hugo puts down the glass he was carrying it, his movement slow and deliberate as if moving his body would help him gather his thoughts.

“It’s Ted Lasso, isn’t it?” he asks. “The person that you’re in love with.”

It’s not said accusingly, though Trent would endure it.

“Yes. Yes, it is.” Pause. “I’m sorry.”

“You can’t help who you love.”

If only, Trent laments. But then again, would he really change his feelings even if he could?

Loving Ted has given him so much. It encouraged him to live his life as himself, and helped him find a place where he has found friends, unexpected as they may be.

Having his love unrequited might be a blessing in disguise. If Ted is never his to begin with, then he never will have to lose him.

“I’m sorry,” Trent says again.

“I won’t lie and say I’m fine about this, but I am not angry at you, Trent.”

It would be easier if he were. If Hugo had snapped at him, gotten mad at him, then Trent could have pretended that breaking things off with him was the right thing to do, but he can’t and it’s not right to expect that coward’s way-out.

Hugo truly is the best of them all, and Trent has never deserved him.

“I’ve tried,” Trent tells him. “I really wanted to love you, but I know you will find someone who will give you the world.”

“I hope your American will give it to you.”

An inelegant snort frees itself from Trent. He finishes downs the rest of his wine before straightening his spine.

“I should go,” he says.

Hugo nods, his handsome face clouded in sadness.

Together, they walk back to the door where their journeys will part. Trent will walk away from the warmth of Hugo’s doorway and into the cold, dark streets of the city.

“If you ever change your mind,” Hugo whispers. “Call me? You never know what could happen then.”

Trent can’t answer, there is a sorrow inside of him that eats at his lungs, at his guts, devour until there won’t be anything else but an empty skeleton of regrets and guilt.

Silently, they reach for each other for one last kiss.

The door is closed before Trent has climbed down the stairs.

.

It’s a few days later and Trent hasn’t told anyone about his break-up with Hugo.

He almost does it several times. Beard calls a Diamond Dog meeting for some issues he’s having with Jane, and Trent can’t help but tell him he should just stop seeing her forever because she is ‘nothing but bad news’.

It’s a little biting, but Beard merely hums at it, contemplating.

No one has been so blunt about it, if the startled looks the others throw him are any indication. Trent has really come to like Beard and he will be damned if he remains silent a moment longer.

Before the meeting is called to an end, Ted asks if anyone else has something to share. Trent keeps quiet.

He can recognise his hypocrisy, thank you very much.

It’s a different situation, there is nothing anyone can do for him and it’s not like he would be able to explain the entire situation to them anyway.

Meeting adjourned, Higgins trots back upstairs after one last pun that makes Ted giggle, and Trent opens the door between the two offices even though they all know Roy can and does hear everything they say and never actually leaves.

“Trent,” Ted calls.

Trent turns back, raising an eyebrow as question.

“I’ve been meaning to ask, is your boyfriend – or partner, do you prefer partner? - you know what, I’ll use his name, that was my bad. Is Hugo coming to the match on Saturday?”

“No,” Trent replies before hesitating. “We broke up.”

This catches the attention of all the coaches. Under their stares, Trent fidgets with his glasses, wishing he had his mug to hide behind.

“Did he do something?” Roy demands, his gaze narrowing.

Trent blinks in confusion. It hits him, then, that Roy is ready to get angry on his behalf and that, should Trent ask, he would go and commit act of violence for him.

It’s as touching as it is terrifying to have made it on the list of people Roy Kent would fight for, in as many definition of the words.

“No, he did nothing wrong,” he is quick to correct. “As a matter of fact, I was the one to call things off.

“Why?” Ted cries, shocked. “I thought he was great.”

“He was, he truly was great. Probably too great for me.”

“Bullshit,” Roy says. “You’re alright now that you aren’t being a prick all the time. And you’re hot in a dorky way.”

Trent stares, unsure how to process this.

“Thank you,” he replies though it comes out more as a question. “I appreciate the vote of confidence, but it’s more complicated than that.”

“How?”

Who would have thought that Roy Kent would be pressing Trent Crimm to be forthcoming with his emotions so that they could discuss them? If anyone had told Trent so even a few months ago, he would have laughed in their faces. He isn’t laughing now.

“We can call Higgins back down,” Beard offers.

“No, it’s alright. There’s no need for another Diamond Dog meeting.”

Ted is strangely silent.

“Go on then,” Roy insists in his gruff way that’s only to hide how caring he actually is.

Trent should wave the concern and the questions off. There’s learning to be honest and then there’s baring his soul to these peculiar, incredible men.

He finds that he wants to though, and so he stops resisting and gives himself over willingly.

“Did you know,” he starts but trails off.

It never comes easy, opening up, but he’s been made one of theirs and they have shared their utmost personal thoughts and feelings with him present, the least he can do is to offer himself up, fully.

“I was in the closet most of my life,” Trent tries again, staring at nothing. “Married a woman even, although I knew. I was a bachelor for most of my life, hiding that I was gay to everyone that mattered. Then I met my ex-wife and I thought I could just will the way the gay away, that I could finally be the person that everyone wanted me to be.”

No one speaks up when he pauses to gather his thoughts. He appreciates it. He doesn’t think he could resume talking if anyone said anything at the present, or he’d lose the courage.

“Now that I’m out, I realise I don’t know how to be loved like that. I was always alone. As a child, I was peculiar and I didn’t have many friends. Later in my life, I never knew how to truly connect with people. That’s why I became a journalist, I suppose. That way I could get others to answer the questions they never would have otherwise.”

And isn’t that a joke? His work only pushed more people away, but he was writing and he was writing about football, and surely that must have been it. Just another thing to bury.

“I don’t think I know how not to be alone, not like that anyway. Being in a relationship, it’s not in the cards for me. What I want, I can’t have– it’s alright. I’ve got my daughter, that’s all I’ll ever need.”

“But you want to be loved like that,” Beard says, the first one to talk.

“It doesn’t matter what I want.”

“Sure it does,” Roy chides. “That’s a stupid fucking thing to say.”

Ted says nothing still. Trent won’t look up.

He feels foolish all of the sudden, and the urge to flee seizes him.

“I’m getting some air,” he announces and escapes before anyone can stop him

.

Sitting in the stands, Trent lets his gaze rake over the empty pitch.

The end of the season is drawing closer and after the book is completed, he will be free to do anything that he wants. He hasn’t come any closer to a next step.

He might just free fall into the abyss, there’s a plan.

Movement by the pitch draws Trent’s eyes.

Ted looks at him, still for a moment before he takes a decision and starts climbing up to him.

There are hundred of seats around Trent, and yet Ted plops himself right next to him, so close that their tights are now touching.

You should tell him, Colin’s voice echoes in his head. Because if you tell Ted and he rejects you, then you’ll know and you’ll be able to move on and you won’t have this what-if hanging over your head.

And Laura said, stop punishing yourself. Stop settling, and go for what you want.

Perhaps it’s time to listen to the advice.

After all, there is one last thing Trent needs to unburden himself with if he truly wants to free himself of all his old shackles.

“I’m going to tell you something,” he says without looking at Ted, “but I need you to promise me you will not intervene until I’m done.”

“I won’t,” Ted swears. “I’ll admit I’m something of a chatterbox, but I’m a darn good listener too.”

“I know you are.”

Trent breathes in, and on into the plunge.

“I’ve always known I was gay, from a very young age in fact. At university I would go on dates with women to assuage the questions from my peers, but I’d sneak alone at night to gay bars to feel alive.”

He’s lost in the memories now, all these things he never should he would get to share with anyone.

“I thought I could go on like this forever,” he continues, “and it worked for some time. After I joined the Independent, it was both easier and harder. Easier because I didn’t allow myself to grow close to people and so they didn’t have to learn anything about me, and harder because my parents grew increasingly demanding about why I was still single and not giving them grandbabies.”

Ted remains quiet, as promised, but he presses his leg against Trent’s, a silent show of support.

“When I met Laura, she pursued me. I liked her from the start because she was wickedly smart and charismatic, and I forced myself to think that the friendship I was feeling for her could be love, that it could be enough for a life together. I couldn’t tell her the truth then because I couldn’t say it to myself either.”

Trent recalls their first kiss – how wrong it had felt but for the familiarity of her. Laura is his soulmate, but he could not admit at the time that it was platonic.

“I knew I was gay, but I buried it. I avoided thinking about it. I stopped going to gay bars, I stopped having meaningless flings with faceless men. I loved her and told myself it was enough. I didn’t allow myself to think about what type of love I was feeling for her. We got married.”

Ted reaches wordlessly for his hand, reaching for him through the sea of memories to anchor him in the present.

Trent squeezes with all his might.

“She proposed as a matter of fact, and I should have told her then, I almost did. She became pregnant, and I was overjoyed. I never thought I’d want to be a father but it’s the greatest thing that ever happened to me. For Nellie, I would do it all over again, if only it meant that I’d have her.”

He can’t help the smile at the thought of his daughter. Little Eleanor, named after his favourite father’s mother, the brightest light in his life.

“Still, I broke down one day. I couldn’t keep the lie up any more. I told Laura I was gay. She didn’t believe me, she thought I was lying to divorce her, and it was awful. I was still so paralysed from decades of self-repression that I found myself unable to find the words to explain the truth of who I was to her.”

Trent catches his breath before turning to face Ted whose big brown eyes are set upon him, kind and attentive.

“And then I met you, Ted,” he confesses. “I met you and you were uncompromising about who you were, you didn’t care what people thought about you, you just did it and lived your life. And that inspired me. I came out to Laura a second time after our day together for your profile, and that’s when she believed me. She’s the best friend I ever had, and without you I might have never been able to repair our relationship.”

Ted smiles, softly, touched.

But there’s one last thing to say.

“I love you, Ted Lasso. I am in love with you.”

Trent could have expected Ted to remove his hand from their hold, but he knows better than that. Even in this, Ted will be kind.

“Can I talk now?” he asks, gentle.

Trent waves his other hand hand, allowing it. The rejection is incoming and truthfully, he can’t wait for it. He is a man with his neck exposed to the guillotine, and the expectation of the steel is killing him more than the blade ever could.

At least it will be swift.

“I think you got some things about me wrong,” Ted confides. “I’m not always honest with myself. Actually, I’ve been hiding stuff from myself for a long time. Stuff I didn’t want to take a too close look at, you know. Probably why I have to deal with my anxiety and panic attacks now.”

Trent opens his mouth, ready to apologise once again but Ted clicks his tongue.

“It’s my turn to talk, Trent, plus we’ve already had this conversation several times. I’ve forgiven you for the article, and we are all good.”

He pauses again. Trent doesn’t try to speak.

“So yeah, I’ haven’t been quite all honest with myself. I– well, I even lied to you before because of it. The truth is, I’m bisexual.”

The world around Trent comes to a screeching halt.

“When I told you I was jealous after I saw you kissing Hugo, you though it was because I wanted a relationship like that, and in a way that wasn’t wrong. But I was jealous because he was kissing you. I want a relationship like that with you, Trent Crimm. No one else. And I started acting like an ass because I thought it was too late, I’d missed my chance.”

Trent is gaping at Ted who laces their fingers together.

“I’m in love with you too, if that wasn’t clear. And if this isn’t too late, I’d like to ask you out on a date.”

“Yes,” Trent utters through his maddening joy. “Yes, I want to go on a date with you.”

When they kiss at long last, Trent feels all the butterflies in the belly, the fireworks on his skin, it’s everything he’s ever wanted, everything he has searched for.

It’s all in this, this kiss, this man, this love.

Trent has been lost in the darkness for so long but he’s come home at last, in the arms of the one for whom his heart sings.

They were right then, when they sang on that bus in Amsterdam.

Everything is going to be alright.

.

.

The atmosphere in the locker room as the team gets ready to play the final is electric.

There’s their shot at winning the whole fucking thing, it is in their grasp and they all trust, all believe they can do this.

This is the final and whatever happens next, Trent will have no reason to hang around at Richmond any more.

This is the end.

This doesn’t worry him.

Finally he sees, it’s also a beginning.

He now knows that he will never be alone again.

Trent has Nellie and Laura, always, and now he also has Ted. He sees also that he has Beard and Roy, even Rebecca.

And Colin won’t be the only Greyhound to stick around in his life. For some unfathomable reason, a place has been carved for Trent into their team and they do not let go so easily.

Trent Crimm can’t predict the future, and he can’t change his past.

Right now though, he is happy and in love, and that’s all that matters.

“Richmond on three,” Isaac shouts his rallying cry.

“Richmond,” Trent cries as loud as the others.

What a joy it is to be free.

[thetarttfuldickhead]

Is Trent Crimm deeply disappointed that he missed the whole locker room scene where the team airs their “stop hogging Jamie” grievances or deeply relieved? On the one hand, reporter instincts for a good story, on the other hand his own morals would never let him put it I the book, massive (reporter/writer) blue balls.

re: Jamie Hogging Ask- some days ago on the Colin/Jamie post, you mentioned that you'd daydreamed out a bit of an AU where Jamie ended up dating a whole section of the team on some sort of rotation schedule. I assume that there was some dramatic locker room scene where they all hashed out that they felt it was unfair that only Colin on the team got to date him. I assume Trent was no longer hanging around the locker rooms at this point (but who knows, he may be a fixture now. also it could be mid season 3 when this all goes down, idk). But he still has the instinct to know when a really good/interesting story is around. On the one hand, he knows his conscience won't let him publish the level of ridiculousness that Richmond can sink to. On the other hand, it would be really really funny to write a whole chapter on the way that this was negotiated out, and also that a google calendar/groupchat was created specifically for coordinating who gets to monopolize Jamie and when.

Ooh, love the way you think, nonny!

If Trent weren’t around for all that he’d be massively disappointed, I think. Yes, as a (former) journalist he’s driven to share the truth, but I think he’s even more driven to know the truth. He can keep quiet when he has to – see: Colin kissing Michael – but realizing he’s missed out on Something Good? Ah, no, that’ll drive him nuts.

But now that you’ve suggested it, I am convinced he was there. Admittedly, in my head this whole thing goes down quite some time after the S3 finale, but that’s not a problem! Even though the book’s both written and published, I’m sure Trent finds plenty of reasons to stop by Nelson Road for a visit. He’s a Diamon Dog now, right? Gotta drop in for the weekly barking session! (Ted Zooms in sometimes, which is always a treat.) Besides, Trent grew very fond of the whole team while he was there, and though he gets most of the gossip from Colin – they obviously stay in touch, Trent knows all about the Jamie situation – he still wants to hear the coaches’ takes on everything that goes on, hang out with the rest of the lads for a bit. So, yeah, he’s there.

I think he might write the chapter, actually – knowing full well he can’t ever publish it, but needing to put it down even so. Get it out of his system, somehow. Also, it gives him a chance to indulge in all the (affectionate!) sarcastic and wry little comments he dutifully left out of the actual book!

Say Trent’s showed up one morning before practise while everyone’s getting changed and let’s say Roy shows up with Jamie and sort of hand him over to Colin and Colin and Jamie start enthusiastically making plans for the evening and maybe it’s Jan Maas who notes that “It’s not actually fair Roy and Colin both get to date Jamie when no one else does.”

As Roy stares at him incredulously and Dani pipes up. “I agree with Jan. It makes me happy to see you together, but it also makes me sad”, Trent’s spidersense is not only tingling but absolutely exploding and he discreetly pulls out his notebook and start jotting things down as fas as he can while the room unravels before his very eyes:

JT says he’s willing to date anyone who wants to date him, if OK with RK, KJ & CH. They are.

Explicitly wants in: Jan Maas, Dani Rojas, Jeff Goodman, Paul Reynolds, Bhargava, Sasha Kukoč.

Suspect might want in but didn’t say: Potentially everybody but Sam, but especially Arlo Dixon and Martin de Maat.  

Bumbercatch volunteers to sort out a calender & group chat bc better if it’s someone who doesn’t want to date Jamie, make sure it’s fair.

CH pleased MB doesn’t want to date JT?

McAdoo claims first date even though he doesn’t actually want to date Jamie, bc his right & duty as captain to make sure it’s ok for everyone else. JT: “What? The fuck do you mean, why wouldn’t it be ok?” IM: “I’m the captain, and I say this is happening.” JT: “Fine, but you’re taking me somewhere fancy and you’re paying.” IM: “Just to be clear, we’re not having sex.” JT: “This is the worst date I’ve ever been on and we haven’t even been yet.”

JT questions why Sam doesn’t want in on the schedule and seems offended on principal when SO explains that JT is his best friend and not some one he wants to date. JT pouts until SO offers to take him out on friend dates.

Cockburn also wants to go on friend dates with JT.

Brief but heated discussion if friend dates & boyfriend dates should be different schedueles and if it’s OK to sign up for both. CH’s attempts to question how friend dates is different from just being friend and hanging out from time to time is shut down.

Tom O’Brien wants to know if he can sign up for a date with Jamie, Keeley and Roy. RK stares at him for 1 good minute before saying “No.”

Discussion about the etiquette of not wearing Jamie out if he’s scheduled to have another date soon after your date with him.

JG: But we don’t have to check in with everyone else if we want to sleep with him, right? RK: You better fucking check in with him. B: I don’t think I want to know what anyone else is doing. JM: Yeah, that’d be weird. JT: I don’t think anyone else should get to decide if I have sex with someone or not. RK: *clears his throat meaningfully* JT: I mean, as long as Roy and Keeley and Colin don’t mind.

That’s just the first page of Trent’s notes, btw, they go on for like four more, practice is delayed by at least an hour. Keeley follows the whole thing on video call (obvs they had to run it by her before handing Jamie out to everyone who wants a piece). Rebecca stops by, blinks once and then nopes the hell out of this madness. Nate wonder if he ought to sign up for a date with Jamie, if everyone else is doing it, but he doesn’t think Jade would approve.

Colin can’t quite let go of the notion that maybe this means he could date Bumbercatch, Roy questions his sanity every other second, and Jamie is living his best life (and is delighting in the fact that the next time he sees Roy and Keeley, they are going to make very sure Jamie knows where he ultimately belongs).

[fierrochase-falafel]

Noticing things in my rewatch of Ted Lasso

So, what can I say, Ted Lasso is the thing I've latched onto this time. My immediate family have been watching this show while I have, actually, and this is the ONLY piece of media we all can agree on liking. In all my years of existence I never thought such a piece of media existed. Okay, so rewatching seasons 1 and 2 after season 3 (because you've gotta capitalise on the Apple TV+ subscription lasting 1 month) is pretty interesting and here are the main things that have stuck out to me:

1. Jamie and Roy tend to get along pretty well even in season 1, when they're not actively at each other's throats. In the episode with the charity gala, we actually see from the beginning how much they have in common. They're both very direct and on-point with why they hate each other, and only when faced with each other's direct reasons do they admit to them being somewhat true. They both view each other as arrogant, but when called out on their own arrogance they find it easier to admit it to each other. For 2 players who see themselves as being 'great' in some sense, they understand each other and know that their feelings about each other are mirrored. Even if they still despise the other person. There's also the fact we know Roy used to be a bit like Jamie when he was up-and-coming (a little primadonna b*tch), so they kind-of understand each other in that sense. They also have a similar sense of humour that has roots in insulting each other, to the point where hating each other is actually something they bond on (Jamie smirking and saying "here's to you dying" and Roy genuinely laughs at that because of how prickish it was). They're different forces on the team throughout season 1 (team-player and protector vs selfish star-player) and also contrasted for their ages but they're also paralleled so, so much. I knew they were being paralleled initially but I didn't realise how much until I rewatched that scene and realised how easily they could get along with each other. If this is what they're like when they hate each other's guts, no wonder they're so close when they start begrudgingly appreciating the other.

2. There's a scene in the beginning of the show when Ted fixes the shower pressure in the Richmond locker rooms, and Roy realises this when turning on the shower. Then there's a funny bit after that when Colin walks in and gets knocked to the floor hard by the shower water, right? For some reason he walked straight in looking at the shower head and didn't even look down at the knob to switch it on. Maybe I'm overanalysing but it seems a bit odd to just walk in and push it the full way all while staring towards the ceiling- no matter how low or high the shower pressure is, the water is still going to hit you directly in the face if you stare directly at the shower head! However, if the show was planning all this while for Colin to be gay (which is plausible), this makes a lot of sense given what he says later about "looking down and thinking of global warming". He was looking straight up in this case, but it would make sense why he did not pay attention to what he was doing and got whacked in the face because of it. That's rough buddy.

3. Actually, y'know, speaking of Colin, it also becomes more noticeable on rewatching the series that the footballer we see talk to Dr. Sharon the most is actually him. When she first arrives, afterwards when he recites "I am a strong and capable man, I am not a piece of sh*t" (which is so real of him, me too man), and later when the team plans on going out for drinks- he invites her to join, she agrees to have 1 drink and mentions having a session with him afterwards. He is shown to be really impacted by these sessions too, given he repeats "I am a strong and capable man" numerous times over. Then later he tells Trent in season 3 how those sessions helped him. It's very interesting to me looking back at all of this now, because other than the grindr comment everyone heard and were hoping would pay off in a storyline about being queer in football, I hadn't noticed any of this stuff before! Even if the writers weren't definitely intending for him to be gay in season 1, I feel like season 2 clearly conveys this intent looking back on it. Even in the jokes, there's that bit where Colin's being suffocated by those huge weights he clearly can't hold up not once but twice, and yet continues to use them. His need to appear like he can actually hold up those weights is too heavy and hurting him, the way pretending to be aggressively straight is- lifting heavier weights and physical strength as such is something people connect with being 'more masculine', just as being straight is 'more masculine'. He could just get different weights or something, work his way up, but pretending he can lift these ones is important to him to the point he would continue trying despite it almost suffocating him. Or it's just meant to be a funny joke (which it is), but with this specific character you can interpret it with deeper meaning, which is impressive. It's a really similar thing with how he takes pride in having a fancy lamborghini that is 'way too much car for him' and he cannot drive properly. It's nice to see build-up to this in prior seasons without being based in stereotypes of some sort- it's barely noticeable beforehand but when you watch the prior seasons again, it all tells a story, and I think that makes this some pretty good representation you don't see a lot, especially in media not explicitly marketed to queer people in some form. The effort put into distinguishing and developing its side characters even in the background or in throwaway lines is one of the reasons why this show is so good, in my opinion.

4. At the beginning of season 2, when Jamie talks to Ted about his dad in the bar, he tells Ted he's lucky when Ted says his father was way harder on himself than he ever was on Ted. Ted quirks an eyebrow very quickly and doesn't respond, instead taking a sip of his beer. After knowing about what did happen with Ted's dad, it's something you can interpret either as avoiding the question or as an answer that subconsciously means yes and no. He was lucky to have a dad that was a kind father to him but unlucky because of how his father's harshness towards himself impacted him- whether his father meant for it to or not- and continues to impact him and shape his character through his life (as seen in the scene with his mother at the end of season 3). It really goes to show that you never know what someone else might be going through, or may have gone through; more often than not, it's not about "who's luckier" because you will never truly be able to measure that. Plus, honestly, what's the point in trying? How does that help anyone feel better regarding the actual things hurting them?

5. When the team go to Liverpool to play Everton in season 1, Ted suggests watching a movie or having a pillow fight (strongly favouring the latter). In that episode, they watch a movie, but then later when they go to Amsterdam in season 3 they do actually have a pillow fight! Some real fun continuity there, even it's a shame Ted doesn't get to witness it.

6. So I've already talked about my rewatch of Beard After Hours in more depth here, but another fun little thing I noticed in that is Jane's surname being Payne, which is just really funny to me as a homophone of 'pain'. Almost like a little acknowledgent of her and Beard's constant on-and-off insane relationship causing, well...some amount of pain.

7. There's a bit in season 2 in the episode where Jamie's dad comes to watch the Richmond vs Man City match where it cuts from Sam to Jamie or Jamie to Sam speaking to their dads on their phones (via text or call). Jamie's phone says "Dad" in quotes while Sam's says Dad regularly. Honestly, this one I should've noticed the first time because it requires no extra context but I appreciate the attention to detail with that, showing how differently they view their fathers- Jamie not viewing his father as an actual one and making his dad's role in his life seem smaller by sarcastically not acknowledging him as such (which I quite support him in).

8. I've noticed that in Rebecca's 2 main romance plotlines on the show, AKA with the 2 men she canonically had a significant intellectual and romantic connection with, both of them actually kind of embody what Bantr was trying to do. The idea of texting people with no pictures so that people connect on the basis of who they are with their brains ("where minds can come to undress"). Both with Sam and the Dutchman in Sunflowers (S3E6), when they were connecting, neither of them knew anything about the other's status or public image (and not their names), and connected first and foremost through their thoughts. Given how Rebecca's relationship with Rupert and her rivalry with Rupert takes place very heavily on a public stage, it makes sense that this would be contrasted with a more private form of love as that's what Rebecca needs. Her job involves being widely recognised, dealing with the press, having to respond publicly to everything Rupert does and deal with him at public events such as the gala regularly. His presence in her life is public and shadows her everywhere in the public, connected greatly with her public image. When she is not recognised as Ms. Welton, now owner of AFC Richmond and ex-wife of Mr. Mannion- when she is free of the pressures of people knowing her name and fame, that is when she is able to let go of her anger surrounding Rupert and come into her own as Rebecca in her relationships with other people.

9. Roy's voice seems to change through the season 2, getting a lot harsher and hoarser I believe. Maybe to show him getting into a more mature role as a coach rather than a player, thus having to play into his 'wisdom of age' and so he sounds a bit older as a result. Like a sign of his character growing into himself as someone who isn't young anymore, and needs to find himself beyond being a footballer his whole life. However, I'm not entirely sure why or if this is a reason, maybe this was a choice just for the heck of it or Brett Goldstein deciding that suited Roy and growing into Roy like that.

10. I was rewatching the end of S1E1 when Ted's on the phone with Michelle, saying, "that's what I'm doing though, I'm giving you that space," but after a pause he has to say "yeah, and myself, right", presumably after Michelle said so. I love how this implies that Michells feels that Ted either needs space from her as well after the experiences of therapy and all that, but also that she wants Ted to need the space from her because she doesn't want to be the one person splitting up this family. It has to be a thing that is necessary and healthy for them both, otherwise it'd feel like she caused him to do something that helps her but not him in this relationship. Their relationship, for the most part, has been shown as an example of a healthy marriage and divorce. Even when they broke up or were going through-- all this, they cared about each other and how they were doing and made sure to keep their power in their relationship as balanced. The way I see it, Michelle doesn't want to be the reason this relationship is failing, she wants both of them to need space so they can both be different when they meet again and hopefully fall back in love. It also nicely sets up Ted putting other people before himself continuously, where (to Ted) his decision was worth it because he gets to GIVE HER that space: whether he gets any or needs any or WANTS any is irrelevant to him. He did move for her, which puts pressure on her because, again, she cares about him and feels bad for being the reason he's in this situation. To Ted, she matters far more than his own comfort to the point he voluntarily would move all this way away from her just so it might make her happier. In hindsight, it makes perfect sense with Ted's fatal flaw, so to speak, being his desire to make everyone feel loved and comfortable without regard for himself. I have some mixed feelings about Michelle but those relate specifically to her relationship with Dr. Jacob in season 3. I feel like her being a character who cares about Ted and wants her marriage with him to work is very realistic and I'm glad to get a nice/sympathetic understanding of her through season 1.

There are loads of other really subtle details in the show out there that I'm discovering more of by reading other people's meta and watching their videos discussing it. You know it's a good show if the further you go, the more new things you uncover. If I think of anything to add, I'll probably just add it here, and if anyone seeing this has any thoughts on this show or on what I've said, I would love to hear about them please!

[devotioncrater]

not ted melancholy about leaving, sitting in the press room alone. not trent happening to find him there, "of all the press rooms." (it's funny because there's only one, but they're sad when they're laughing.) not them getting an actual one-on-one fucking conversation this season

Also, while ted's future's up in the air. I'm begging ted to also ask about trent's future. because trent's also on the precipice of leaving, with a big who knows the fuck what waiting for him (other than, like ted, his child). they've both found community at richmond, and they're both at a point where they might feel like they have to leave it all behind. just someone (ted) ask trent what he's doing after this book. and please let there be a good answer to that

all of this!! let them confide in and comfort each other. because they're both at this crossroads of What Is Next, sort of like that robert frost poem ted referenced in ep 7.

"Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference."

and i 100% agree, they need to have a one-on-one conversation again onscreen. an actual heart-to-heart, because we haven't been privy to that since episode 2.

of course we see them onscreen having these types of private conversations such as here:

and yet we the viewer are never invited in on them.

which is bonkers to me because these two are constantly implied & shown to have grown close to each other throughout the season.

ted letting trent sit-in on the parent-teacher conference.

"hello, ted" "hello, trent" with nothing for roy or beard

ted and trent participating together at girl talk with rebecca.

trent introducing himself to ted's mom

ted actively engaging & being endeared with trent's enthusiastic dork side

ted instinctively filling trent's mug with liquor first, trent instinctively holding his mug to ted. familiar-like, routine-like

we can see trent's crush on ted from space. he's practically singing about it. but on the quieter side, there are all these little heart eye moments ted has for trent, too. they add up. all of ted's gay praises on men & men's physiques (robert redford, oscar wilde, hair, facial hair, clothes, etc) can be read as a subconscious link to trent. it's subtle. it's all blink-and-you-miss-it.

which makes me wonder — since Ted Lasso is in ted's character viewpoint for his scenes — is the reason we haven't seen any of the one-on-one conversations he has with trent (which DO happen offscreen) a reflection on ted? what i mean by that is, are we not fully seeing trent, and the nature of ted's relationship with trent, because ted himself isn't ready to share? to come out? or to even allow himself to recognize what he could potentially be feeling? out of sight (offscreen), out of mind?

we see this storytelling technique be used with colin. how we don't see him come out to the team because that is not what he wanted as a character. his main concern wasn't "i'm gay" it was "how will the team react?". and so to honor his wishes, the team's reaction is what was shown onscreen. the show gave colin's character agency and it gave him privacy, too.

so maybe, hopefully, we will get another one-on-one scene with ted and trent. and this time ted will be ready to share, and this time we get to see their dynamic at full scope instead of these glimpses throughout the season