#technically we can see well enough to get by without them but it's uncomfortable and we end up straining to focus on anything

[eff4freddie]

After She Left | Twelve

Words: 5.5k Explicit - 18+

You start to forge something new, while still sometimes struggling to move on from Joel. Shauna continues to try and ingratiate herself into Joel and Ellie's life, this time hatching a plan that might just muscle you out of the way. None of that matters, though, when Ellie disappears from the streets of Jackson.

Chapter warnings: Some smut to break up the angst! Oral (f receiving), praise kink, dirty talk, fingering Minors DNI. Then right back to the angst, sorry folks, Shauna being a dick, depictions of panic attacks and anxiety

Eleven| Series Masterlist | Thirteen

If he could just reach into his eye socket and push hard at the point above his temple, he might be able to ease the blooming ache. Joel sighed, rubbing instead at his jaw, feeling the strain of the muscle travel up his face.

Shauna sat at his kitchen table, in his kitchen, with her elbows up on the wood.

‘I just think it would be good for us to get to know each other better,’ she said, and Joel sighed.

‘She’s doin’ well with Teach, Shauna. I ain’t gonna disrupt that.’

Joel watched as Shauna’s eye’s narrowed, just slightly, just enough to make her features appear harsh and hollowed out in the early morning light.

‘You don’t think I’m as smart as that schoolteacher?’ she asked, and he would have happily reached a spoon up to pop the eye right out of the socket if it would relieve some of the pressure accumulating in it.

‘I think you’re smart just fine, but it’s not about that…it’s about what Ellie wants. What’s right for Ellie.’

‘What about what’s right for me, Joel?’ she asked, without hesitation, without even stopping to pretend like she cared about the teenager currently sequestered to the garage. ‘Do you think I like feeling like I’m…not welcome in my own home?’

‘You’re perfectly welcome, Shauna. I gave you my bedroom…’

‘And Ellie ran out to the studio the second she could, and you won’t share a room with me…’

‘You know what that’s about,’ he said, dismissing her as he shuffled, uncomfortable, on his seat. Had these chairs always been so hard on his back? He suddenly couldn’t remember.

Shauna took a long, slow exhale. Joel swore he could hear the whistle of it sliding out of her nostrils. ‘I don’t ask for much, Joel,’ she said, lowly. ‘This would mean so much for me and Ellie. I want to feel like…I want her to feel like…we’re a family.’

Joel considered this for a moment. He thought of you, weary to the bone on your front porch the night of the dinner party, trying as hard as you could to be his friend. Maybe he had asked too much of you, already. Maybe he had asked more than enough.

‘Why can’t it be…something else?’ he asked, taking too long to think of something that Shauna could reasonably teach Ellie, and coming up empty handed. He stretched his leg out, rolling his hips to try and get some circulation back into the cramping muscle. ‘Maybe she could hang out at Town Council, see how things work around here in a more…diplomatic sense.’

Shauna rolled her eyes. ‘Like I get invited to the inner sanctum…’ she said, and Joel coughed.

‘Well, you ain’t technically on Council…’ he prompted.

‘Yet,’ she said.

Joel let this pass. He had let so much pass, he realised. Why would he stop now.

‘Joel it’s not like I can teach her to shoot, or to cook, let’s be honest.’ At this Joel smiled a little, and watched as Shauna’s shoulders dropped, mirroring his expression. ‘I feel useless most of the time around here, and especially with her. But you heard what Teach said the other night, she likes reading. I can read. I can talk to her about books and things.’

Joel considered this. He’d never been a big reader himself, more interested in getting his hands on things, taking things apart, building them back up again. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad for Ellie to have an extra brain to pick around the place.

‘We could fit it into her schedule,’ Shauna said. ‘It wouldn’t have to be that much more than what she’s doing already.’

‘How you figure?’ Joel asked.

‘Well, if she swaps out some of her time with Teach for time with me,’ Shauna said, smiling brightly.

A door, just over Joel’s shoulder, slammed. He turned, startled by the sudden noise. He checked his six but couldn’t see any obvious movement. Turning back to Shauna he saw her expression had hardened before she caught his eye again and smiled.

‘Must have been the wind,’ she said, getting up to close the kitchen window.

--

You stretched, your back arching up off the mattress like a cat in the sun. Letting out a slow groan, you felt the dull ache between your thighs.

‘Fuck…’ Jonah said, his head somewhere under the blanket, fingers probing at your core. You felt him pull your leg up, planting your foot underneath you so he could manoeuvre your hips further towards him. Still half asleep, you let him move you where he wanted.

‘Gonna lick you up til you cream,’ he said. ‘Cock’s so big and hard for you.’ You resisted the urge to cringe a little, the words sounding wrong coming from him somehow. Maybe they were the wrong ones. Maybe they didn’t suit him.

Reaching down, you pushed his face further into your cunt, effectively muting him with your folds. You felt his tongue lick a fat stripe up your seam, his fingers swift as he jammed them inside. You winced a little, shifting on the mattress to help him find the best angle.

It was…fine. You reached up to tweak your nipples, hoping to heighten the pleasure gathering at your core. Closing your eyes tight you tried to push the thoughts from your mind, homing in instead on the feel of Jonah’s tongue. If you bucked your hips a little you could shove him into a better position, but he seemed to take this as enthusiasm. He started to speed up, throwing off your rhythm.

‘Slow down,’ you instructed, resting one hand on his head and guiding him by the neck. He was a quick learner, at least. You could feel your brows furrow in concentration.

‘So wet, baby,’ Joel said from beside you. Your eyes flew open to discover the other side of the bed empty. You shook your head, trying to get him loose.

‘That’s good,’ you informed Jonah, pinching harder on your nipple. You heard a muffled moan from between your legs.

‘Look at you all spread out f’me,’ Joel huffed into your ear, the heat of his body scorching you as he lay beside you.

‘Don’t…’ you whimpered, trying to will him out of your mind, and snapped back to reality when you felt Jonah falter. ‘Don’t stop,’ you rushed, pushing your hips into his face.

Behind you now, bracketed by his legs and resting your head on his chest, Joel reached down your front and rubbed tight little circles at your breast. You could feel the warmth of his broad chest at your back, and you turned to tuck your nose into his neck. You could feel his pulse on your skin, hammering with the same tempo as his cock pulsing behind your thighs.

‘So beautiful, babygirl,’ he muttered, his voice gravelly from his want for you, and you shuddered, looking down your body to find Joel also between your legs, even while you lay warm and safe in his arms. He gazed up at you, tongue rolling in your cunt, as he whispered filth in your ear.

‘Love when ya come f’me,’ he said, ‘love makin’ ya feel so good ya can’t help yourself.’

You whimpered, grinding hard on Jonah’s face, the ache in your core now threatening to burn you up completely.

‘So good f’me, baby’ Joel praised and you keened, the Joel between your legs crooking his fingers to hit the spongey spot deep inside, the spot you now considered designated just for him.

‘M’gonna…’ you gasped, the sparks of electricity running hard and unwavering in your cunt.

‘That’s it, baby, let it happen…’ Joel encouraged, pausing only to nibble at your earlobe. ‘Let me have it, baby. Let me make you come.’

You felt your hips rock as you exploded, every nerve ending on fire as your orgasm rolled over you, your breath shuddering and catching in your chest.

‘Oh, fuck, Jo-nah,’ you corrected, just in time, as your vision went white behind your eyes, your body spasming in pleasure as you heard Joel chuckle behind you, gruff and self-satisfied.  

‘Holy shit,’ you heard Jonah say, pulling back the covers to appraise you where you lay, spent and exhausted, spread out beneath him. You sighed, every muscle in your body loose and your thoughts blissfully empty for a few moments. It was only when you caught your breath that the guilt started to seep in.

--

You pushed your hair behind your ears, up to your elbows in cold water and homemade soap. You longed for the days of dish soap, the little bubbles popping over your skin. Instead, you scrubbed, scarring the surface of the pan just a little trying to free it of the bacon grease.

‘I could help with that, y’know,’ Jonah said from the table. You glanced over your shoulder at him.

‘It’s OK, I find it weirdly satisfying,’ you said, turning back to your task so you wouldn���t have to look him in the eye. You weren’t sure where Joel had come from – both of them – but you weren’t pleased they had intruded in your private moment with Jonah. If you were going to be friends with Joel that should never happen again, you told yourself, as well as whatever demon on your shoulder had launched itself into being that morning.

Part of you wanted to tell Jonah, just so that he knew what he was dealing with. You wondered if he’d stay, if he’d be weirded out and run for it. You wondered if you wanted him to fight for you, to try and take Joel on and win your hand like a princess, like a prize. Of course you didn’t, because that would be silly. Also, there would be nothing to fight.

‘Sweetheart?’ Jonah said, and you snapped back to attention, realising you’d nearly scrubbed a hole in the bottom of the pan.

‘Mmm?’ you said, turning around but suddenly finding yourself unable to meet his eyes. He stood from the table, coming closer to you, pulling you to him by the loop of your jeans.

‘I said, you keep feeding me like this you’re gonna make me too fat for patrols,’ he said, and you grinned, then, the ease at which he doled out compliments making something fizz and pop happily in your chest.

‘Maybe that’s the plan, have you all to myself,’ you said, matching his grin, as he leant over to kiss you, your sudsy hands resting on his shirt and leaving damp spots in their wake.

‘I got no complaints…’ he said, nipping at your bottom lip.

You swallowed down the morning, the weirdness of it catching a little at your throat, as you gazed up at him. He was a good guy. The rest you could work out.

‘I was thinking maybe after my shift-’ he started, but was interrupted by the sound of running footsteps and then, moments later, pounding at your door.

‘Teach!’ you heard Joel yell, and you were reacting to the blind panic in his voice before you’d even fully registered it, abandoning Jonah at the sink to run to your door. Wrenching it open you found him, wide-eyed and breathless, looking first at your face and then scanning over your shoulder past the door. ‘Is she with you?’ he gasped out, and you stared at him blankly for a second, feeling a weight drop heavy and concrete into your gut.

‘Who, Joel?’

‘Ellie, is she with you? Is she here?’ You could see the desperation in his eyes, the way they were starting to brim with tears. Behind him you saw Shauna trotting up the street to catch up.

‘No, I haven’t seen her in a few days, it’s the weekend…’

‘Fuck!’ he yelled, taking a step back to twist his hands up into his hair and tug. He turned to Shauna, now approaching your porch. ‘She’s not here!’ he nearly screeched, waves of distress rolling off him.

‘Hey, hey…’ you said, stepping out towards him and reaching up to rest a hand on his bicep, pulling you back around to face you. ‘Take a breath, Joel, then you can tell me what’s happened.’

You felt him shudder, sucking in air as you nodded at him, pantomiming deep breaths in the hope that he would follow you. His eyes stayed wild but he watched you, eventually matching his breaths to yours, until he had regained some sense of control.

‘She’s gone,’ he finally managed to say, his voice ragged. ‘We can’t find her.’

‘OK, where have you looked?’ you asked. Shauna climbed up the steps to your porch, coming forward to wrap her arm around Joel’s. You took a step back, releasing him to her.

‘We came right here,’ she said, tight-lipped.

‘Well, we can split up, try the mess hall, try the school. Maybe see if she’s with Dina?’

‘Dina?’ Shauna parroted, and you nodded.

‘They’re good friends,’ you supplied.

Joel was gathering himself, pulling his shoulders back and letting Shauna’s arm slip from him.

‘OK, OK…’ he was saying, and you could see that he his tremors were lessening.

‘We should find Tommy, get him to help look,’ you said. ‘She won’t have gone far, right?’

Joel raised his eyes to yours, the desperation and the sheer terror in them taking your breath away. You steeled yourself, painting a confident look on your face. ‘She won’t have gone far, Joel,’ you repeated. He nodded, borrowing some of your strength and tucking it under his ribcage.

‘Shauna, get Tommy,’ he instructed, not glancing over to look at her.

‘Joel, I can stay with you…’ she started but he grunted, shaking his head. You realised he had stepped closer to you.

‘Get Tommy, get Gollum and…’

‘I can help,’ Jonah said, from the doorway behind you. You saw Joel’s eyes fall on him, his mouth pulling tight in a grim line at the sight of him. You weren’t sure if Jonah had put pants on. You were determined not to look.

‘Run down and check with Billy, if she left, he would have seen her…’ you started.

‘You think he’d let her out there alone?’ Joel said, suddenly a mix of fury and panic. You put a steadying hand on his forearm.

‘No, not unless she spun him an amazing lie.’

This didn’t seem to carry the comfort you had hoped it would.

--

You split up, heading straight over to the school, calling her name as you went, before doubling back and checking Dina’s place. Dina hadn’t seen Ellie since the day before, and you felt the unease in your belly start to grow. You rounded back to the main street, hoping to meet up with Tommy or Joel at the mess hall. As you turned the corner, though, you saw commotion at the main gate and you took off running.

‘You can’t be fuckin’ serious!’ Tommy was yelling, his and Joel’s backs to you shielding the person he was yelling at. You looked to the top of the wall and saw it unoccupied. Your heart started to sink.

‘I was just gone a few minutes, maybe twenty, tops!’ you heard Billy defend, and by the time you had arrived on the scene you could see Joel was tremoring again, this time from out and out fury.

‘Why didn’t you call in a cover?’ he spat out, pacing up and down, clenching and flexing his fingers.

‘Ain’t no one on the roster,’ Billy said, and you felt something give, something structural in your bones.

‘Oh, I’m not on the roster,’ you said, quietly, and flinched as Joel turned, startled, not having realised you were there. You could feel tears welling up in your eyes as you avoided his gaze, staring hard at your boots. You braced for his admonishment.

‘Joel…’ Tommy said, but suddenly Joel’s broad palm was on your shoulder and you looked up, gasping.

‘This ain’t on you,’ Joel said, staring hard into your eyes. ‘Don’t think for one moment…fuck, Teach, I know you love her near as much as I do.’

You felt the tears start to fall, your throat closing over, as all you could do was nod.

‘M’sorry anyway,’ you muttered, and he shook his head at you.

‘Joel, we don’t have time,’ Tommy reminded him, and he snapped his head back towards his little brother.

‘Where’s Gollum? Where’s the patrols?’

‘They’re already out, but we radioed them, they’ll keep a look out.’

‘Which way where they headed? We should cover more ground,’ Tommy said. You kept glancing at Shauna, standing off to the side of the group, her eyes fixed on Joel.

‘Why would she leave?’ Billy asked, and you saw Shauna go pale before she appeared to rally.

‘Teenagers,’ she supplied, with a little smirk. You felt yourself glare at her, at her glibness, at the casual way she just threw out such a bullshit explanation, smiling as though Ellie wasn’t now in mortal danger. You almost felt guilty for the way you stared at her until you noticed Joel and Tommy’s expressions mirrored your own.

‘We gotta get moving, Joel,’ Tommy said, and you remembered, then, a little flare of a synapse still functioning in the panic.

‘The water caves!’ you yelled, turning to look for Jonah. ‘She asked us about the water caves. Fuck, where is he?’ You scanned the street and didn’t see him, turning to see if he was at the stables, turning back to the wall in an almost complete 360. You were dimly aware you must have looked like a somewhat deranged ballerina.

‘The what?’ Tommy asked.

‘She said, she said that Dina had said there’s a waterfall and that behind the waterfall there’s caves. She asked Jonah about it, but he hadn’t seen them. God, what if she’s gone to look for them?’

‘She doesn’t fuckin’ swim,’ Joel muttered, pacing again. ‘Jesus, Tommy, she could drown out there and we’d never fuckin’ find her.’

‘She said she thought they were upriver, about an hour or two’s ride. But Jonah said that they’d never seen them on patrols.’

Billy shook his head. ‘Never heard anything like it, but it’s possible…I mean, the river flows all the way down from the mountain.’

‘She’s not going to go that far,’ Shauna dismissed, waving her hand at you as if waving away the very idea. ‘There’s a town a couple of hours walk, I bet she’s gone there.’

‘Why would she go to a town?’ you asked, more than a little offended at the way you had been so summarily dismissed.

‘Maybe to find some friends,’ Shauna said, adding after a moment, ‘her own age.’

Your ears started ringing and you wondered if this woman could have such a singular effect on a person’s blood pressure. You glanced back at Joel, his head swivelling between Shauna, and Tommy, and you.

‘We should split up,’ Tommy said, and Joel blanched, turning to you.

‘If she’s in a town, there could be raiders,’ he said, quiet, eyebrows saddled as he looked to you for some kind of confirmation.

‘I don’t think she’s gone there, but I guess it’s possible,’ you said. ‘If she’s headed to the water caves, then she’ll just be following the river upstream.’

‘Not much up that way, no camps within the perimeter,’ Billy supplied.

‘I’ll take Shauna,’ you said, determined even as Joel started to shake his head. ‘That’s the easier run. You and Tommy, you need to head to the town, if there’s raiders you’ll need two good shots.’

Shauna scoffed, which the group collectively decided to ignore.

‘You sure about this, Teach?’ he asked. You weren’t. Not even a little bit. But you had no other choice; Ellie was out there, and she might have been hurt or scared or just plain angry, and you weren’t going to sit around and wait for someone else to bring her home.

--

Jonah wasn’t at the stables, and you still weren’t sure where he’d got to, but that didn’t stop you saddling up at lightning speed. Shauna trailed behind you, struggling to get the order right on the saddle, and you stopped what you were doing to secure her tack.

‘I just don’t see why a teenager would want to go to some wet, cold caves,’ she said to you, and you shrugged your shoulders.

‘You think she went to the mall?’

Shauna regarded you for a long moment, and you supposed it might have been intimidating had she not been completely dependent on you and your riding skills in that moment. Over your shoulder you heard Joel and Tommy saddle up and ride out.

‘You never wanted to head to the big smoke when you were her age?’ she asked, and you shrugged.

‘Sure, but that was before the world ended.’

‘Mmm’, she said.

‘Saddled up,’ you confirmed for her, swinging your leg into your stirrups and settling on top of your own horse. You could have waited to give Shauna a boost but all of a sudden you just weren’t feeling like it.

As she struggled to pull herself up, you heard a voice calling at the stable door.

‘Wait!’ he called, as Jonah appeared in front of you. He carried two rifles. ‘I got you these from the armoury, had a shit of a time signing them out but I told ‘em it was an emergency.’ He was sweating, his eyes bright, as he smiled up at you.

‘Thank you,’ you smiled down at him, reaching to pull both from his grasp.

‘Wait, don’t I get one?’ Shauna asked, and Jonah rolled his eyes at her.

‘You’re more likely to shoot your own ass off,’ he said, as you slung one over your back and let Jonah help you attach the second to your saddle for you. You snickered.

‘Go get your girl,’ he said to you, quiet enough that Shauna couldn’t hear. ‘Then come back safe.’ You nodded, gripping the reigns tight enough to turn your knuckles white.

At the gate Billy was back at his post, and you cantered to a stop at the threshold.

‘Joel and Tommy already left, a couple of minutes ahead,’ he reported.

‘They didn’t wait for us?’ Shauna asked.

‘Reckon they thought catching up with Ellie was more important,’ you said, pointedly.

‘You know where you’re headed?’ Billy asked you, and you nodded. ‘Follow the river North.’

‘It starts to get dark, you come turn round,’ he reminded you and you nodded at him.

‘I know, Billy,’ you said.

‘You got good eyes, kiddo, can’t lose them for your next shift.’

You realised then he was worried for you, that all the hours you’d spent staring silently into the distance together had endeared him to you in a way you hadn’t noticed or expected, and that if he’d told you to slide off your horse and let him give you a bearhug right there in the gate you would have done it.

‘I’ll see you soon,’ you said, trying to sound more confident than you felt.

‘I’ll see you first,’ Billy said, pulling the gate open just enough for you and Shauna to slip outside.

--

You would have been really happy to ride in silence. The river, once you found it, was calming enough that you felt you could finally take in a full breath. You scanned the ground looking for tracks and finding nothing. Beside you Shauna trotted along, struggling to meet the rhythm of her horse’s steps.

‘So how long were you in the QZ?’ she asked. You scanned the branches beside you, looking for any breaks at roughly teenager-height.

‘Best part of a decade,’ you said.

‘You must have done plenty of patrols, then,’ she said.

‘I mostly worked the wall. It’s what I did when I moved to Jackson.’

‘So, you’ve known Maria a while then?’

‘Yes, I guess I have.’

You hoped that was the end of the questioning, trying as you were to concentrate.

‘What do you think makes her tick?’ Shauna asked, and you had to try very hard not to roll your eyes.

‘I think she cares a lot about family, and the citizens of Jackson,’ you said, honestly but also with perhaps a slight edge. Shauna seemed not to notice.

‘She does so much for the town,’ Shauna continued, thoughtfully. ‘She could probably use a 2nd in Command, no?’

‘I feel like this is something you should ask her about,’ you muttered. A bend in the river up ahead caught your eye. ‘We need to get moving, we’re barely going above walking pace,’ you said.

‘I’m not that great a rider,’ Shauna said, stating the absolute obvious.

‘Never a better time to learn,’ you said, surging forward.

After the bend the river carried on over a rocky outcrop, and you slowed your horse down again to pick your way through the boulders.

‘Do you know what she was wearing this morning?’ you asked, and Shauna shrugged her shoulders.

‘Didn’t see her, so I don’t know,’ she said. ‘She keeps herself stashed away out back all day. Anti-social.’

You bit your tongue. Shauna was suddenly making you feel the same.

You scanned the riverbanks for anything unusual: footprints, a discarded backpack, clothing. If you were honest with yourself you weren’t really sure what you were looking for. You’d never had to track someone before, your role being more to stand in one spot and scan the horizon.

‘You two seem to get on like a house on fire,’ Shauna said, after a few moments of silence.

‘Ellie and I have grown close since I started tutoring her,’ you agreed, absentminded.

‘It’s like you two see eye to eye, or something. Like you’re…the same.’

You weren’t sure what she was getting at, only that she was getting at something, and you scanned the sentence for the insult but found it so buried it was impossible to decipher. You knew, though, that it was there.

‘I suppose we’ve been through similar things. We all have.’

You wondered, in the case of Shauna, whether this was true. The high-level officers in FEDRA, the ones fancy enough not to have to deal with actual people, or fight on the ground, tended to live comfortable lives. At least, until the uprising.

‘Still, it seems almost like…’

‘I think it would be good to concentrate,’ you said, quickly. The sun was high in the sky but as the colder weather set in there were less hours of it in a day. If the water caves really were more than three hours out, you had to make the best of the light.

--

 You estimated you got a good 45 minutes of quiet before Shauna spoke again. The rocky outcrop had turned into outright rugged terrain, and you were struggling to follow the river as the bed grew steeper, the drops on either side more sheer. You were starting to worry about darkness, and if you’d have enough light to make your way back. You hadn’t anticipated the thickness of the brush. It would be easy to get turned around out here, to stumble on a slippery rock and snap your neck.

‘Oof, this is hard on the tush,’ Shauna complained, rubbing at her lower back. ‘I’ll have to get Joel to give me a massage when we get back.’

Ignoring that last comment completely, you found yourself agreeing with Shauna. The terrain was getting too hard to traverse on horseback, and you’d come far enough along that it would be almost just as hard on foot. The likelihood of Ellie getting this far without being seen, or without dropping something that would give you a clue as to her direction, was slim. You were facing the decision you’d been trying not to make for the last ten minutes.

‘I think we might have to go back,’ you said, and Shauna sighed.

‘I knew those cave things weren’t real,’ she said, and you turned on her, irritation finally overtaking you.

‘They could be, but we can’t fucking get there when you couldn’t ride in a carriage let alone on your own.’

Shauna stared at you. ‘Have you even been looking for tracks? Have you been watching the waterline?’ you asked, your voice rising.

‘Well, I could see you were doing that,’ she said, and you scoffed.

‘Why the fuck are you even here?’ you asked, the shock of Ellie’s disappearance suddenly blooming into anger in your bones. ‘Did you think you’d get to have a nice lil ride with Joel through the countryside? Planning to strap yourself to his back and rub your tits all over his shoulder blades so that maybe he’ll finally fuck you?’

You sucked in a breath, the air cold this far up close to the mountain. Shauna smirked, actually smirked, as you wavered in front of her.

‘Knew you weren’t sweet as pie,’ she said, like pushing you to breaking point had been her gameplan, like your outburst was her victory.

‘Fuck you, Shauna,’ you said, exhaustion overtaking you. ‘Turn back, we’ll double back the way we came.’

She continued to smirk, even as she led her horse to stumble along the riverbank. You felt the frustration give way to the little kernel of terror that you always tucked up tight in your chest cavity, fuelled by the irrefutable knowledge that after the end of the world everything that could possibly go wrong almost always would.

--

Another hour’s ride and you were back to the slightly more forgiving trail that made up the perimeter of Jackson. You felt something heavy and unmovable in your gut, something that whispered to you that you had wasted time on a hunch that had turned out to be nothing, that had separated you from Joel and from safety, all on the basis of a two-minute conversation in your kitchen weeks ago. You pushed it away as best you could, instead choosing to focus on the blind panic that if she hadn’t followed the river you had no idea which way she’d gone.

You could feel that you were having trouble breathing all the way in, as if you worried that if you took in too much air, expanded your chest too far out, the horrors of Ellie’s disappearance would fill the space left open.

‘That’s the turn off to the town,’ Shauna said, motioning with her head to a fork in the road ahead of you.

‘I thought that was back West,’ you said, and she shook her head at you.

‘There are two paths, this one’s further out but it comes around the back way. It’s not so out in the open.’

You considered this for a moment, the realisation breaking like the dawn on a clear morning.

‘You travelled it to get to Jackson, didn’t you?’ you asked, and Shauna suddenly went uncharacteristically quiet.

‘You came from the town,’ you said, simply, the pieces falling into place around you. ‘You know exactly who’s in the town, exactly what’s there, and you think Ellie went there because you know what might draw her to it.’

Shauna again said nothing. You drew your horse to a stop at the turnoff.

‘What did you tell her?’ you asked. You knew Shauna wouldn’t carry on back to Jackson without you. With your horse unmoving you were essentially trapping her in the conversation.

‘She asked me once, what it was like before I came to Jackson,’ Shauna said, her defences up nearly as high as her shoulders.

‘What did you tell her?’ you asked, again.

‘I wanted to sound impressive,’ Shauna said, and this time you could see that she was actually being honest, that she was admitting to something real. ‘I thought…I knew that she and Joel had travelled across the country to get to Jackson, that she had seen so much…’

‘What did you tell her, Shauna?’ you asked, your patience running thin.

‘I told her there was another town, just an hour or two ride from Jackson. That it was bigger than Jackson, that they….that they….’

‘That they what, Shauna?’ you asked.

‘That they train kids as young as fourteen in weapons and combat, and let them go on patrol.’

You swore, loud and all the way to the tops of the trees.

‘What’s really there, Shauna?’ you asked, when you could hear yourself think over the blood rushing in your ears.

‘It’s mostly abandoned,’ she said. ‘Sometimes raiders come through.’ She still looked like she was avoiding something, still not able to look you in the eye.

‘Tell me the bit you don’t want to tell me,’ you said. She turned her face to the sky, as if there would be any relief in it.

‘Steven and Wren and I…we stayed there a few weeks. A couple of other groups were camping out, too.’

You waited for the other shoe to drop, for the world to shift on its axis. Around you the wind turned cold, the light starting to wane in the late afternoon.

‘We left when one of them…one of the other campers. They went out to check for supplies and came back late…’ she shuddered, swallowing hard. ‘By the morning, their whole camp…’

She couldn’t go on, couldn’t say the word, but you didn’t need her to. You turned your eyes to the road leading down to the town, to Ellie, and to Joel.

‘Infected,’ you said, saying what Shauna would never have the strength to.

Taglist:

@harriedandharassed

@vickie5446

@kaseyconnour

@orcasoul

@missladym1981

@spacesoutdaydreamer

@tangled-tumbler-blog-blog

@fancyyoouu

@anoverwhelmingdin

@millersamour

@delicatetrashtree

@wand-erer5

@somedayheaven

@maryrhodalouandted

@casssiopeia

@wand-erer5

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Oh? Crewel-sensei! Are you actually joining us in class today? - Kalim, beaming

Zzzzz- h-huh? Did I miss... Trein-sensei's class...? - Silver, sleepy

If he doesn’t scare you, no evil thing will.

Crewel warily surveyed the classroom. Each group of students had been presented with a cage full of mice. The assignment for the day: to command the mice to execute a trick of one's choosing. They scampered around on their tiny feet, clawing at their confinement and chorusing in soft squeaks.

A few brave students had already taken to freeing the mice, to varying degrees of success. Some rodents had escaped and now skittered across the floors while being chased down. Others, aggravated, had clawed or bitten their students, sending them to the nurse’s office.

Class 2-A may as well be an unkept dog kennel, Crewel grumbled to himself.

“I’m participating today to brush up on Animal Languages,” he explained bluntly. “Pardon the intrusion. Please do not let my presence distract you from your learning.”

“Hahah, of course not! Make yourself home, cuz my classroom is your classroom!” Kalim chirped. “Since we’re in the same group, let’s do our best to help each other out.”

“Agreed.” Silver nodded. “We’re honored to be working with you, Crewel-sensei.”

They’re good boys—but let’s see whether their technical abilities are on par with their kind-heartedness.

"Lead the charge. I will stand by and support your vision.”

“Let’s have the mice dress up and have a parade!” Kalim immediately suggested. His entire face lit up with determination. “Maybe some of them could be horses pulling a little toy carriage, and other mice could ride the carriage.”

“That’s far too complex for your level of skill!” Crewel pointed out. “Start simpler. Instructing them to do a single thing is enough to fulfill the requirements. For dogs… ‘sit’ and ‘stay’ are common first commands. Extrapolate that thinking to mice. The vocabulary should also be within your reach.”

There was a long pause. Then Silver spoke up.

“So… we could ask them to sit or to stay?”

“Do not so blatantly superimpose the orders for dogs onto a different animal!” Crewel snapped. “Are you still half asleep?!”

“He might be! Hey, Silver.” Kalim nudged his classmate (whose head was beginning to loll) on the arm. The knight startled—but his eyelids still fluttered, threatening to shut. “Stick with us! We need you awake for this, buddy.”

“Ngh… I’m sorry, I’m trying… I’m trying so hard, but… I don’t think I can… hold… it off…………….. Zzzzz…”

Silver drifted off, slouching forward in his seat. Kalim grasped onto his shoulders, keeping him upright.

“Wh-Whoa…! Don’t worry, Silver! I’ve gotcha!!”

Crewel facepalmed. “… This is quickly devolving into a disaster.”

"I'll say!" Kalim agreed. "How's Silver going to nap well without a pillow and a blanket? A desk and chair are really uncomfortable to sleep on."

"That's what you're concerned about?"

"Hmm? Yeah. Did you mean something else, sensei?"

"You'll be receiving a zero on this assignment from old Trein if you don't come up with something," Crewel lectured him as he removed the lid from their box of mice. "Find a way to wake Silver up this instant!"

"Aaah, what should I do...? I feel bad waking him up when he's having a good dream... Are you sure we can't just make Silver as comfortable as we can?"

"YES, I AM SURE."

As Crewel and Kalim clashed, the mice were frenzied. They had collected in one corner of the box in one massive wriggling heap, spilling out onto the counter like liquid when Crewel tipped the container over. They darted in front of Silver in frantic rows, then compressed their small, furry bodies together, forming something resembling a pillow.

"What the..."

"Oh!" Kalim brightened with realization. "Did you guys want to help out? That's so nice of you!"

He was met with a sea of excitable squeaking.

"Gahahah! I don't get it, but thanks a ton! Silver appreciates it too. I'll lay him down now, okay?"

Crewel watched, jaw hanging open, as Kalim gently placed Silver upon the bed of lab rodents. It was like a scene right out of a fairy tale. Kalim, the prince. Silver, the princess. And the mice? Their animal companions that saved the day.

Footsteps approached from behind.

"Asim, how does your group fare?" Trein inquired. "I hope you were not too heavily relying on Crewel-sensei's expertise to get by."

"No, sir! We're just making sure Silver gets proper rest in." Kalim gestured to his snoozing peer. "See?"

Trein took note of the pillow of mice, his brows creasing in confusion. "... Well, it's certainly an unconventional 'trick' you've shown me, but I suppose I will allow it. It's a creative solution for the task."

"Wait, really? Cool, thanks!!'

Crewel blinked.

Just what am I looking at here? Did these two just pass by failing to use any of the course's teachings in the assignment?!

"... Unbelievable." He shook his head in disbelief.

These pups are truly something else.

[lookingforyn]

Hi!!! Can I request a Kaito and Rantaro x reader (separate) where Reader has a date for the upcoming prom and Kaito/Rantaro has a crush on them but found out they have a date then when prom happens they are not seen with a date. Can this be in modern AU

Awww this sounds so sweet I love this idea!! 🤍🤍🤍

Kaito Mamota and Rantaro Amami X reader who already had a date to the prom

SFW, requested, fluff, hurt/comfort, one shot, romantic relationship but not dating, gender neutral pronouns, non killing game au.

━━━━━━━━ ★ ━━━━━━━━

Kaito Mamota

“Hey Y/N!” Kaito yelled across the cafeteria running over to you in that big goofy smile you know too well. “There are people trying to eat you know!” You say with a giggle “I don’t remember being allowed to eat in the library.” He sat down his cheerful energy igniting a warm feeling in your chest. “So Y/N tomorrow’s the big day you said you were still lo-“ “TAKA ASKED ME OUT!!” …really? Kaito was taken back but was quick enough not to let them know. “That’s great! How did it happen?” You took a sip of your water not wanting to look him in the eyes it felt to awkward telling your guy friend about you love life, yea that’s what was bugging you about him. “Well he knew I didn’t have anyone to go with so he volunteered.” As the ultimate moral compass it only sounds like he’s doing it from the kindness of his heart. “Well I’m glad you got someone to go with I’ll see you two on the dance floor!”

The lights were twinkling at the music was flooding the gym. Kaito rolled in with Maki and Shuichi deciding that taking your friends was way more rewarding than forcing yourself to slow dance with someone you don’t feel comfortable even holding hands with. “Kaito there they are.” Shuichi pointed out showing him a Y/N he never thought he would be able to get his eyes on. There star striking… where’s Taka? Kaito with his smile walked over to you but this time it didn’t do anything. “Y/N what’s wrong?” “He meant well.” You said your head hanging low in embarrassment. “Did he stand you up? I never thought he’d be the type to do that.” You grabbed his hand and brought him outside of the gym Kaito flustered by your touch but needing to stay strong to support you. You stopped by the trophy case still looking at your shoes. “He said being the moral compass he wanted to be nice but he couldn’t lie to me as well. He said he wasn’t straight and really wanted to dance with one of his guy friends but he didn’t want me to feel bad going to the prom on my own so…” Well that explains a lot. “Wow I never knew that… hey I have a solution that can make everyone happy but only if your ok with it.” You looked up flustered and confused. “Taka can find the guy he wants to dance with and I don’t technically have a date so… may I take you to the prom?” No he’s not just a guy friend to me. Finally it’s happening. “I’d love that. Hey can we go somewhere else first before heading back to the gym? I want to see something with you.”

After leading Kaito you found your way up on the school roof the endless array of stars dancing in the black night sky. “Kai-“ “May I have this dance?” You blushed as he gave you his hand his eyes locked on yours admiring every detail with worship. “Yes you may.”

Rantaro Amami

“We both know Kokichi is only taking them cause he has something up his sleeve.” Rantaro complained to Kaede as she examined his closet for the right suit for tonight. “It’s their choice and maybe Kokichi actually found someone he can be vulnerable with you know? Someone he can be himself around without sabotaging the relationship.” Rantaro rolled his eyes in disbelief. “I just know they can do better then-“ “No you want to take them to prom and you got too chicken to say anything.” Kaede grabbed the last of his suit turning her attention now to the three bottles of cologne to choose from. “I wasn’t afraid I just don’t want to make Y/N uncomfortable I have to be there for them and if I mess anything up not only they won’t want me as a partner but as a friend.” A dark blue bottle of liquid was tossed onto Rantaros lap playfully. “You’d be surprised on the outcome, now let’s get going before the gym gets packed.”

The doors swig open the sight of confetti dresses the gym floor and some heads of unlucky students. “Do you see Y/N?!” Rantaro raised his voice the bass of the speakers making it nearly impossible for anyone to hear him if they weren’t basically tied at the hip. “No I‘ll ch-“ with that you walked right passed Kaede your hands covering your face making sure no one could see how pathetic you looked. “I’ll meet you outside the gym let me find them!” Rantaro hurried to catch up with you dodging packs of people and strung up balloons. “Y/N wait up!” Rantaro caught up to you grabbing your hand in the middle of the hallway to see what was wrong. “Hey hey what happened?” He noticed the torn attire a sticky green substance covering it head to toe “I don’t want to talk about it.” You said trying not to burst into tears. I should have asked them “Come with me.” Rantaro said taking your hand this time with you trying to catch up to him as he looked like a man on a mission. “Where are we going?” You said in distress and confusion “Getting you cleaned up and then something I should have done a while ago.”

After Rantaro returning you to your dorm to get dressed Kaede came over to give you something else to wear for the night the fabric leaving you breathless. A knock on the door interrupted your attempt to calm your nerves the dread of the possibility Kokichi could be standing outside with another “practical joke”did not help your anxiety but with great courage you opened the door. “Rantaro-“ He was holding a single rose thanks to the schools green house his stance telling you he was serious with what he was about to say “Y/N will you be my date to the prom? I should have asked you this the minute I heard the announcement.” You blushed walking out of your dorm and closing the door behind you. “Rantaro will you be my date… in general?” You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear that a kiss on your cheek was enough of a yes for the both of you.

[chaosherald]

Thursday Bangers

Hosted by @woundedsoul12. Technically tagged by @davrinsleftpectoral (so excited to read the next chapter of Nug E Cheese!)

All my friends we're glorious/Tonight we are victorious/Panic! At the Disco 'Victorious'

(Immediate post game. The wildest celebration I can think of: everyone actually gets some sleep. 😂)

Rook was warm. Warm and safe and ridiculously sore, with a pounding headache and itchy bandages wrapped around her everything and why did she feel like she had been thrown through a wall?

Memory lurched to the forefront. The fight with Elgar’nan. Solas and the Inquisitor and everything there that her heart wasn’t ready to sort yet. Triage and healing people in a manic surge of disbelieving adrenaline fueled shock until she collapsed and had to be carried wherever she was now.

Where was she?

The bed beneath her was ridiculously comfortable. Soft sheets and a down filled mattress with some kind of enchantment on it. Just the thought of extending her senses to analyze it made her dizzy, so she refrained. Whatever it was, she wanted it for every bed she was ever going to sleep on in the future.

There was an arm under her cheek. Lucanis, she noted, whose other arm was wrapped around her waist, who was curled around her back, his breath soft and even against her ear and the nape of her neck. That was good. That was perfect. She could stay here, wrapped in his arms, in a disgustingly comfortable bed and consider it a life well lived.

Awareness was persistent, however. One of her hands was entangled with someone else’s hand, but in the wrong place and wrong side of the bed to be Lucanis. The mystery was enough to prod Rook to risk cracking an eye open. The barest ghost of light seeped around heavy curtains on the far wall, enough to show that the room was large but mask most of the details in a dim, gray, haze. Or maybe that was just the state of Rook’s head. But it was enough to see Bellara laying next to her on the ridiculously massive comfortable bed, whole and here and miraculously unblighted. Neve was on Bellara’s other side, her head on Bellara’s shoulder. They both looked peaceful. Content. Safe and alive.

The immediate flood of warm relief tipped into the edges of panic. Where were the others? Shifting slightly, ignoring the renewed complaints of her muscles, bones, and everything hurting, Rook found unexpected resistance. Taash, stretched along the foot of the bed, one arm draped over Rook’s legs. Harding was curled up on top of them. Both fast asleep and the fact that Taash could fit without contouring themselves into an uncomfortable position drove home just how large this bed was.

Right. More memories made themselves known. Magister Dorian had offered his home as a staging area after the fight, it being relatively unscathed in the ravaged city. He had offered them a few guest rooms too, but everyone had been loath to separate and it was all coming back to Rook now. They had done the impossible together. The idea of splitting up had felt like anathema to them. Rook turned her head to check on the last of her companions and was glad to see Emmrich, curled up with Strife in an armchair.

This also brought her eye to eye with Lucanis, or rather Spite. He narrowed his eyes at her. “Rook. Should be. Sleeping.” He grinned. “We killed. A God.”

“Damn straight we did,” Rook whispered, closing her eyes and curling back up. Warm and safe and sore and not alone and the rest of the world could wait a little bit longer.

[hotnsweetnprimrose]

Who am I? Well,

I'm part boy part girl, boygirl, the protector and mayor of transgenders! Well. Not that last one, that's not an official position nor would I claim it in a non-joking manner. I'm just a silly t4t slut :P

If you see this blog in sfw areas or engaging with sfw blogs, I’m just there to shitpost and I cannot be bothered to do a main blog switch thing lmao. But if it makes you uncomfortable, that’s okay too! Feel free to block. I will also probably reblog sfw memes and such too. A laugh is a powerful thing.

Last Updated: Jun 9 2025 - had a birthday

My name is Prim or Eden (switch 'em up when it's been a while). I'm 23, I am trans, non-binary, and bigender (androgyne flavor), and I'm here to fuck and get fucked, at least in what ways are possible over the internet. I'm interested in all genders, but have far more fondness in my heart for my fellow trans folk. :P (I’m on the aroace spectrum but absolutely sex-favorable. It’s fun)

I'm a switch and vers in many things! I am 5'1" and a tad fragile. However due to mental health stuff, domming requires a Lot of trust in advance. I’m more likely to sub simply because it’s less stressful for me at this point.

My pronouns are fae/faer, they/them, and she/he (alternating). If you’re ever in doubt for what to call me, just slam both binary gendered words together until it sounds not terrible. Examples include guygal, boygirl, princessprince, etc.

I might use it/its for myself while in subspace being a toy, don’t change any of your language in response unless I ask or you get permission, please!

I strongly believe in trans joy and t4t joy. Transmasc transfem transneutral trans [fill in the blank] we are all so hot and cool. <3 It brings me joy to lend aid whenever and wherever I can. This blog is focused on trans 4 trans first and foremost. Cis people are an afterthought, almost always.

Send me asks if you want! DMs even! I love meeting people! Don't be shy! Unless you're cis, then I have high standards so yes do be shy. And if you’re cis and heterosexual? …. Sorry, if you’re attracted to me, you absolutely cannot be both of those things! I have a discord available after I get dm'd because tumblr dms my behated.

Please don't interact if you're a minor or don't have your age in your bio. I will block you. Immediately. Be patient and you'll have a chance to explore when it doesn't endanger yourself or others.

More stuff under the readmore including limits, kinks, and other tidbits.

I also just block and unfollow liberally if you aren't firmly on the side of t4t solidarity and mutual support. We're all having a hard time out here. (I also will not hesitate break mutuals if you post content that damages my mental health that I can't filter for. This is my safe haven.) - if you support calling anyone theyfab without that being a thing they said they’re okay with I’m sorry but you’re getting fully blocked on here. I have moral OCD traits that are bad enough without me feeling like my very identity is fake to people I thought could be trusted. Thanks!

Top Surgery (No Nips!!!! Wahoo!!): 10/16/2024

Anatomical Terms:

clit, tdick, tcock, cunt, pussy = GOOD!

boygirl + any term that's deemed good already= GREAT!!

hole = fine. a bit boring

vagina = BAD! too technical

If I'm dominant in your scenario, call me mastress, mixtress, or captain. Sir is on the table for those who earn it. If I'm submissive in your scenario, call me toy, pet, diminuitive names, or kitten.

Let me know if you need anything tagged!

Due to me being bigender (androgyne edition), I try not to reblog posts with "men dni" or "women dni" on them as I feel like that's denying part of my identity. Also out of principle so maybe people will be less broad with those kinds of statements OR remember multigender folks like myself exist. Please don't binarize me, that sucks.

I call the rp/kink fiction/pretend element "kayfabe" because wrestling is y'know. somewhat analogous to kink in some ways!

I have a lot of posts I still have to queue and tag alas.

Not Planning on Going On Longtime Systemic T Please Don't Act Like I Am [I use tcock and tdick with the t meaning trans or t4t, not testosterone <3]

List time!!!!

g = giving, r = receiving

BIG YESES!!

body worship [g+r]

praise [g+r]

tentacles & monsters [...g+r] (used to be this blog's main theme, but I'm revamping! might still post/rb it though)

bondage & restraint & shibari [g+r]

hypnosis [g+r]

bimbofication & dumbification genre [g+r]

creampies [r+g but that requires a strap and/or imagination] - I hate this word I need a new word!! The stuff with breeding is good but pregnancy is such a no go for me…. 🤔

overstim [g+r]

edging [g+r]

Objectification in the sense of being a toy, a tool, something with a function that does a job [r, unsure about g]

petplay [g+r I am a kitten thank you not a puppy sadly]

gentle gender affirming genderplay/forcemasc/forcefem!!!!!! [g+r]

size kink [I'm so damn short I gotta sexualize it]

DEFINITELY MORE I DON'T REMEMBER OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD

CONTEXT DEPENDENT (not always a big yes but the version eithout context is a no)

anal [giving ONLY, and only with gloves or a strap. I do not stuff in my ass or touching that hole]

intox [giving/domming ONLY]

Consensual non-consent but ONLY if it's clearly established as such with the post/fiction (I know I'm rare in that I find the prep and negotiation hot but hey, I love communication and trust!)

Painplay [giving/domming ONLY]

Breathplay [giving/domming ONLY] (picky about this one because safety but also I got asthma so I need to breathe normally)

NOS!!!!

Any kind of pregnancy or pregnancy focused kink

Any sort of inflation (cumflation is case by case)

Breeding with the INTENT of pregnancy (see creampies above, I do love the raw sex and being cum in but pregnancy still makes me dysphoric)

Nipple/breast focused content and/or kink (don't have those anymore and they gave me dysphoria) [except if you want to do like. breast theft. then we can talk about it but I'm super picky it's basically a no] {okay I’m cool doing it for others tits but not Mine}

Detrans kink and misgendering kink (I respect you but not my thing and usually makes me dysphoric. More power to ya though!)

Kinks involving urine, scat [shit], or filth [literal] in any large capacity

Consensual Non-Consent when it's in-universe just non-con

I respect y’all but no f4uxc3st and please tag it!!!! I have it blocked because my brain goes “you want ocd symptoms abt this? Okay!” I don’t even have full ocd just traits n trauma 😔

Nudes. Not without my express and enthusiastic agreement (rare). I might send but I do not like to receive.

[all of this is subject to changes and updates when I remember things not listed here or I learn more about my tastes!]

Tags:

#Prim Speaks = non-horny posts/writing/updates (that's what this is tagged as)

#Prim Whimpers = horny writing (submissive focus)

#Prim Smirks = horny writing (dominant focus)

#Prim Moans = horny writing (generally)

#Prim Reveals = if I ever do post suggestive pics this is the tag for that. we'll see how I feel.

#it's the little things you queue together = queued posts, if you know what song and musical that's from, kiss me on the mouth.

There are two sideblogs off this blog but they’re both secret. Thank you <3

[dame-zoom-a-lot]

Prompt: Last Kiss | Word Count: 2685 | Rating: G | POV: Doug (unnamed freak) | Relationships: N/A | CW: Major Character Death (the dog) | Tags: kinda-famous corroded coffin, pet death and grief, THE DOG DIES, Dog fic

this is a prompt fill for @corrodedcoffinfest

ao3 link

Eowyn and the wonderful, incredible, no bad, very good day

Thank you @jo-harrington for betaing something so heavy D: THE DOG DIES OF OLD AGE THE DOG DIES MIND THE TAG This was actually the first fic I wrote for corrodedcoffinfest. I saw the 'last kiss' prompt and couldn't stop thinking about how I'm going to have my own last kiss on my dog some day (she's four and still alive and kicking. It's a looong ways off) If you want more stories about grief and moving on and making something better, check out Jo's Luminous Beings!

"We're devastated to share that Eowyn passed away peacefully after a long fight with cancer. She was a bottomless well of joy and mischief. We will miss her dearly."

Alicia, their new social media person, frets as Doug mouths over the words, once, twice, then out loud the third time. The draft post has several pictures of Eowyn in it. Eowyn running across the stage. Eowyn grinning in front of a bunch of amp cords she chewed up. Eowyn sleeping. Eowyn shaking mud off all over them. Eowyn joyful. Eowyn singing. Eowyn. Alive.

"What the fuck is this?" Doug breathes out. "She's not fucking dead. Where's Steve and Eddie?!"

"I thought the chemo was working?" Jeff asks more gently.

"Steve...got the additional biopsy results back yesterday," Alicia says to the floor, "the vet found a new spread. Much more aggressive this time. And he recommended—"

"So what? They're just going to give up?!" Doug yells, getting out of his chair. "If they already put her down without even talking to—"

"They haven't yet! This is just... Steve didn't think he'd be able to do anything after it actually happened so he asked me to draft something and run it by you guys," Alicia stammers, "But it sounded...pretty bad."

"What does Eddie think about all this? Why didn't he tell us?" Gareth demands.

"He...uh..." Alicia shifts uncomfortably, "I couldn't make out what he was saying during the call."

"So just fuck us then right? They couldn't even have the courtesy of telling us what's happening to our dog. No—"

"Well, technically, Eowyn belongs to—" Alicia starts.

"Fuck you!" Doug screams.

Alicia quivers and he feels a little bit bad. She isn't the person he's mad at. It's Steve and Eddie. Those fucking assholes. Who couldn't even be arsed to deliver the news in person so they could strategize. That vet has to be a fucking quack. He'd just seen her last week and she was...

Ok, she wasn't great. She hasn't been great for a while. But she still howled at the mailman and stole a bite of his burger.

She's only thirteen.

He's yelling. Gareth is yelling with him. They want to see her. They want to find a new vet. This is bullshit.

"Enough!" Jeff yells. Doug and Gareth both shut up and wheel around to glare at him.

"Alicia. I'm so sorry you had to deliver the news. Thank you for not just...texting us or something. That would have sucked for me," Jeff continues. He puts a hand out in Doug and Gareth's general direction, as if they're some unruly children he's had the misfortune of babysitting. "That post looks great. You can take the rest of the day off."

Alicia nods fervently then hurries out of the room. Jeff's disappointed silence hangs heavy over them.

"What?" Doug growls.

"This sucks. Doesn't mean you have to scream at people," Jeff accuses, "Alicia loved Eowyn as much as you did—"

"She has no fucking idea!" Gareth protests.

"—And no matter what we're feeling, Steve and Eddie are feeling it a hundred times worse. Alright? So don't fucking call them to yell at them about not trying a different vet or…" Jeff attempts to interrupt.

"Just because you're hunky dory with our dog dying doesn't mean you get to decide I'm fine too." Doug snaps.

Jeff flinches. His mouth goes tight. He shakes his head then stomps out.

"You can apologize later," Gareth sighs when Doug looks at him pleadingly.

"I'm not sorry," Doug lies. Gareth just pats him in the back.

--------

Eddie's cul-de-sac is empty because the world is ending.

Well, Doug's world is ending.

He's not sure why he feels like this. He loves Eowyn. Obviously. Who wouldn't? But he's always been more of a virtual cat person, not a 'demon husky that needs to run 3 hours a day' kind of person. As much as he hates to admit it, he's more of the awkward boring uncle to Eowyn.

But he still thought he had enough of a connection with Eowyn that Steve and Eddie would have seen it fit to keep him in the loop. To ask for help. And that stings. But it doesn't hurt as much as the notion that they could have done something. Kept her alive for five more years. Maybe even more. If they just found a better vet.

Doug tiptoes even though he knows that Steve and Eddie are out doing something. Their spare key is exactly where he told them not to hide it under the stupid novelty gnome Wayne got for them a few years ago. The key works, and Doug quietly lets himself in, bracing himself in preparation for Eowyn to jump on him with all she's got.

Nothing.

Shit. Did Steve and Eddie take Eowyn with them? He should have checked when he asked Alicia for their schedule. Doug curses and searches the house just in case. Maybe this is a new game Eowyn's made up. She's always been three steps ahead of them. At least.

There's a pitiful whine from Eddie's bedroom. Doug scrambles over, nearly tripping over himself in the process. She can't die now, not when he's here to take her to the much better (or at least more expensive) specialist he found.

At first he doesn't recognize her.

It's Eowyn, laying on her side on her favorite bed. Her eyes are open, but vacant. Her tail wags slightly, so slightly Doug almost missed it. Her tongue flops out. Her fur looks scraggly. She's so still.

Doug's known Eowyn for years now. The way she never settled used to drive him up the wall. Even when she was laying down, she was keeping one eye open, vibrating, ready to jump up at a moment's notice so she could join the fun. The only times she'd be still was right after a long run or when she was asleep.

Past Doug was an idiot. This is so much worse.

"Hey old girl," Doug whispers, "you want to go zip zip zip?"

Eowyn's tail twitches and she whines.

"Yeah girl, let's go zip zip zip," Doug whispers. He was originally going to put her on leash and lead her to his car. But it doesn't look like Eowyn can walk. She only huffs a little bit when Doug squats down to gather her up in his arms.

"Good thing I spent all that time carrying amps around eh?" Doug babbles as he carries her out the door, into his car, "remember..." his voice wobbles, "remember when you tripped Gareth because you were weaving around his legs?"

Eowyn pants, mouth wide open as if she's laughing.

"Yeah, yeah, I know girl, he should have been more careful," Doug says. He plants a little kiss on her forehead before carefully lowering her down into the backseat. Eowyn groans, hopefully in comfort, as her head hits the ergonomic cushion he picked up on the way to her place.

It's a three hour drive to the specialist. Doug shoots a text telling the boys not to worry, that he's taking Eowyn to get a second opinion, after he gets a sufficient head start.

He's going to save her. The specialist will fix her then she'll live another fifteen years and he'll let her knock him over as much as she wants. Hell, he'll even go running with her in the snow, even though she likes to make these ear-piercing shrieks the entire time.

--------

He misses the shrieking.

Travelling with her used to be a whole thing. She had her own playlist that she liked to howl along to. Eddie and Jeff would sing along, with Gareth supplying the drumbeats. They only stopped when Steve started getting a migraine.

No, not used to be. Is. Not had. Has.

But Doug's been playing her song list on repeat and she's not making a peep.

"You want me to stop?" Doug yells over the music. Eowyn huffs, which he hopes means she doesn't want him to stop.

He should have read those books on dog body language or whatever that Steve had his nose glued to. He should have gone along to training sessions.

It's a really good thing that the specialist will fix her so that he'll have time to fix all that. He's going to be so keyed in and so observant she won't know what hit her. He'll figure out what treats she wants. He'll know when she's faking it or when she really needs to go pee. He'll tell the difference between an anxious pant and an excited one. He will.

Celine Dion warbles and Eowyn doesn't howl along.

"Near…far…" Doug starts in a quaver. He hates his singing voice, how weirdly high and unlike his normal voice it gets. His bass is consistent. Lovely. His voice is… not that. That's why he's always been happy to leave the actual singing to Jeff and Eddie.

But he sees Eowyn's ear perk up through the mirror and that's enough for him to keep going.

"Where-ehhhhh-ver you—"

"Ow ow owwwwwwwwwwwwww!"

Eowyn howls. Weaker than her at her prime. But it's definitely a howl. Doug sings louder, careful not to overtake the star--Eowyn. Eowyn's tail starts thumping to the music. Red tongue pokes out of a smile as she yodels and yowls with him. The next hour and a half passes by in a flash, and Doug's ears are only slightly ringing when he gets out of the car.

---------

"Ah, I thought her name sounded familiar," the vet says, as she adjusts her glasses and looks at Eowyn, "I've seen her files recently."

"Err… is that… good?" Doug asks.

The vet lays down the chart. "I'm afraid not," she says gently, "it was familiar because her primary vet asked me for a second opinion yesterday."

"What?!"

"I did agree with his prognosis then..." she says regretfully, "but I didn't have her in person with me. I can do some more hands on examinations and tests now that she's here physically. But I'll need the owner's permission. And I'm not sure I can recommend putting her through even more tests when she got the full suite so recently."

"What... I am the owner," Doug stammers, face flushing.

The vet looks at him sharply. "As I said, I have seen this dog's file. And I believe that the owner's name was Steve, not Doug." She softens slightly. "My receptionist called the owners and they're on their way. Were on their way anyway."

---------

The sun shines bright. Cool breeze gently strokes Doug's face. The grass is soft under his butt. The tree they're sitting under provides the perfect amount of shade and none of that matters because his world is ending.

Eowyn is laying on her side, sniffing at the ground. Doug buries his hand in her scraggly tuft.

He feels kind of bad for the vet. He didn't mean to lose it so hard in her office.

Not that Eowyn seems to care how he's feeling. She's more interested inhaling the dirt. She whines and Doug's eyes follow where she's nosing to a pile of dried out rabbit poop just out of her reach.

"Eww, really?" Doug snorts.

Eowyn huffs and widens her eyes as if she's rolling them. She inches her neck towards the dung pile again, too drugged up or too tired to want to actually get up and bury her nose in the literal pile of shit.

"The things I do for love," Doug mutters. He sighs and reaches out to pull the pile right up to Eowyn's nose.

Eowyn immediately jams her nose right into it, eyes closed, loudly sniffing. Her tail starts to wag and the void in Doug's chest becomes… less void-y.

He looks around at the grass pasture behind the specialist's building. There's squirrels and geese and just like, a lot of critters in general. Fuck it. Eowyn's a poop connoisseur and he's got some time to kill before the boys get here to murder him.

-----------

She's a huge fan of goose poop. Regular bird poop? Not so much. But nothing beat that mysterious, sandy-textured something. He's so focused on finding that sandy textured thing again that he doesn't hear the boys coming.

He does notice the sudden boot right by his nose though.

"You… motherfucker," Eddie growls, towering over him.

"Shit! Fuck! Sorry," Doug stammers, scrambling back and attempting to get up. Eddie, Steve, Jeff, and Gareth are standing over him, all in varying degrees of unkemptness. Steve's hair is sticking out all over the place, probably because he was running his fingers through them non-stop. Eddie's eyes are wild, lips bared in a snarl. Gareth and Jeff look exhausted.

"Where's Eowyn?" Jeff demands.

Doug points to where she's laying, surrounded in little piles of the 'treasures' he found for her.

"Why do you have dirt all over you?" Gareth asks, nose wrinkled.

Doug flushes. "Erm. She wanted to... she likes the goose poop so. I thought. I thought..."

There's a long pause. "You were… digging up goose poop for her," Steve confirms quietly.

"Yeah."

They all look at Eowyn again, who perks up now that she's the center of attention. She sticks her nose into each of her piles, making a big show of sniffing. Eddie breathes out a laugh that's more of a whimper then beelines for her. The rest follow. Eowyn smiles wide, her tongue lolling out. She flops over to show her belly, when they all get to her, grunting with the effort.

"I was going to stab you," Eddie mutters as he lightly massages Eowyn's waist with his palms. "But you did show her a good time. So I guess you're kind of forgiven."

"How did you know where we went?" Doug asks. "The vet said you were already on your way when she called?"

"I mean, she was constantly running away or getting stolen," Steve replies, scratching Eowyn behind her ears, "we've had a GPS collar on her for a while."

"Oh. I didn't know," Doug whispers.

"Lot you didn't know," Eddie says.

"Vet's on her way. Said we could do it here where she's comfortable," Gareth says. He twirls his drum sticks then beats them gently against the few hard surfaces he can find. Eowyn's ears twitch in the drum's direction.

"She said you made her very comfortable," Jeff says gently, "said she could see you from her window."

"I'm..." Doug stops, lost for words. Glad? Happy? Thankful? He doesn't think he could feel those things again for the rest of his life. Eowyn is here, sniffing her pile of gross treasures, panting happily as Gareth plays her a parting song. She's here but she's not here. And now the vet is on her way and they're out of time. He didn't know her collar had a GPS on it. He didn't she was on that much pain killers.

What else didn't he know? What's her favorite food? Her favorite trick? Is there a song on her playlist that she particularly likes? What did she think of them? What is she thinking now?

He'd had so much time.

A noise comes out of him that he didn't know he was capable of making. He sinks to Eowyn's stomach, still so soft and warm, despite the occasional hard tumors. He can vaguely feel the weight of the rest of the boys as they all pile around him—a beautiful, complicated, temporary tangle of humans and dog.

--------

He's not ready when he kisses Eowyn for the last time. But when the vet gently pokes her needle through Eowyn's ankle, he can see that she is.

"Good bye."

[goldensunset]

Fun fact about N’s character theme: it’s based on prime numbers! I don’t know enough about music theory to tell you exactly how, but it’s neat that the composer took his mathematical affinity into account -moon

ya!!!! that’s what i was talking about w the arpeggios. that’s a detail i think is great fs….

don’t get me wrong it wouldn’t surprise me at all if n’s battle theme was some masterpiece of musical composition on a purely technical level that i don’t get because i don’t understand complex math and music theory terms. i tried researching the meanings behind his name and just exploded. i mean look at this. i do not go there

like i’m sure they were absolutely cooking something intentional. it’s all so nerdy. i trust they made their choices for a reason. but i still disagree with them

i guess what i was getting at is that like extra flavor details in the music like this are great but what’s underneath really matters too… the main melody plays the biggest role in storytelling here. in a critical plot moment you should be able to listen to a track and just Feel a certain emotion and get an impression of what the character is like or what the situation is like. is it happy, sad, fearful, determined? unsettling? does it actually distinctly lack a melody, and what does that say about it? like without having to study details like this behind the scenes.. you shouldn’t need a phd the song should just hit you y’know

like it doesn’t exist within a vacuum it exists in the context of ‘i’m fighting this guy who by now i know means well and has been lied to and is in denial at this point, in the hopes that he backs down from trying to change the world for the worse and admits he was wrong, so that we can please be friends’ i understand n is an unusual sort of person and that formulas and calculations are part of his character quirks. but also at his core he’s not a machine or something he’s a human being with a lot of feelings and beliefs. that’s like. a really important part of the narrative… ik he suppresses his thoughts a lot but like

ig i just would’ve expected more of that passion in him to come out during his decisive battle. you would not have to change that much about it to satisfy my conditions. like his standard battle theme works fine for him when he’s battling you just to like test and study you in a calculating sort of sense but in the endgame you’d expect it to be more dramatic. which is why i love the pokemas version where it gets fused with his castle theme it sounds absolutely perfect like that’s the n theme we needed

the like. main part of n’s battle theme like the melody part… it is full of dissonant intervals. again who knows there might be a numerical thing to it that i’m unaware of but y’know like those are the sounds that make you distinctly uncomfortable. that composers use to signify fear or evil. i once woke up in a feverish mini-panic bc that song made its way into my dreams. (and that actually made me appreciate it more not less. lol. if you strike fear into my heart that’s a compliment). and i know he is an antagonist and you should be at least a little bit afraid of him but see like that’s the kinda thing they did for like. ghetsis. the pure evil dude of all time whose name is actually music-related too. the man is so evil he got named after his own evil music. ok king

basically n my man he deserves more to his battle music than sounding scary and cold

buuuut i guess you could say that’s what his encounter theme is for. ‘prisoner to a formula’ has a distinct melody (although that song is creepy lol). and then in b2w2 it gets remixed into a major key and it’s now called ‘n’s theme’ so like yay for once mr natural harmonia has a memorable theme that sounds like he gets sunlight and fresh air and that’s definitively considered to be his character theme!! yay!!!!!

idk. maybe this is all supposed to represent how he suppresses everything he feels and withdraws into his shell and his mechanical obsessive habits while he’s battling. bc his heart is distinctively not in it it’s not true to who he is as a character and also he’s in denial and trying to talk a big scary game the whole time. like the music represents his outer self not his inner self which is imo not ideal for a decisive character battle. and especially not given that his battle theme is at its core basically the same in the sequel even after he’s undergone character growth they bothered to make a remix but still didn’t add heart to it. as if they still wanted your impression of him to be offputting. but who knows!

[lunarle-old]

Just saw art that inspired this thought for an au. I think I've seen some shippy fics floating around for it that take place outside of killing games but not for inside the killing games so idk if it's been done before.

Basically, an au where shuichi can see and hear ghosts (which canonically exist in danganronpa). He's seen ghosts for as long as he can remember and uses that ability to his advantage in investigations (and helps the ghosts move on). He pretends he doesn't think ghosts exist due to the never ending therapy and drugs his parents would try to get his "delusions" to stop as a child. So whenever the question "do you believe in ghosts?" comes up he's like "they're obviously not real, if they were we would have proof by now."

Of course he hides this from everyone in the killing game because they'd think he's insane or being deeply disrespectful to their dead classmates. He's used to getting the attention of ghosts and prompting to follow him to speak with them alone, usually by looking right at them (hard to deny eye contact) and using subtle body language. Part of the reason he wears his hat is to avoid looking at ghost strangers.

As an excuse for writing reasons, ghosts do not remember the moments leading up to their death very clearly, so Rantaro would not remember how exactly he died. Which leads to Kaede's execution happening again. Hoshi would remember the plan but not the moment of death, he would keep it from shuichi though for kirumi to succeed. Angie and Tenko would harass shuichi a lot. Miu... she'd be so mad her plan didn't work and shuichi would take the brunt of her anger, there's no she's helping him. No clue what kokichi would do, I doubt he'd know what to do either since he fully expected to be dead dead without anyone figuring out.

None of the ghosts move on until the killing game is over. Shuichi never reveals to anyone living that he sees their ghost classmates. Kokichi might catch on to something weird going on with Shuichi but Shuichi would never admit it even if he guesses correctly. Well, correctly enough, he might think shuichi believes he sees ghosts but kokichi doesn't actually believe in ghosts. "That's not funny, I don't see ghosts- I'm not delusional. Leave me alone." <- man who will see ghost kokichi during chapter 5. It would probably piss off kokichi so much to see shuichi (and probably a couple other ghosts) stare at him after they find the press and know that his plan is screwed from the start.

The ghosts hangout in shuichi's room because he has a tiny shrine + incense out to deter mean spirits. In this case, mean spirits would be the really annoying dead monocubs. The ghosts usually hang in his room or follow him, they miss the set up for killings. Shuichi never really gets a break to be alone.

Things that tether ghosts to the world are probably special items, places, and people. His classmates would probably be very uncomfortable sticking to where they died so they stick to shuichi and his room (technically the little shrine + incense) instead.

"It's so peaceful looking at the stars isn't it shuichi?" "sure is..." <- man who is currently subject to the yammering of several ghosts.

- @blorboindulgence

Ahh, ghost-seeing aus!! I wrote one of those in my oneshot docs once (⁠*⁠´⁠ω⁠｀⁠*⁠) This poor kid was probably forced onto so much medication he needed to be :{ that can reallly mess with your head,,. Poor guy. You cant fix something that doesnt need fixing (⁠｡⁠•́⁠︿⁠•̀⁠｡⁠)

I cant imagine what the 5th trial was like lmfao. Would Shuichi pretend not to know who was dead and who was alive the whole time for the sake of Kokichis plan? Shuichi has the power to steer the trial in the wrong direction, so if Kokichi told him the basics of it... Oh I wonder how that would go. Cant imagine how awkward that would've been xD

Oh actually!! Would Kokichi remember Maki shooting him? He might faintly recall someone coming into the hangar after Kaito attacked him, but probably not much else after that (⁠个⁠_⁠个⁠) man if I was Kokichi and that shit happened to me you would've seen me on the news. or whatever ghosts have.. probably haunted radios i dunno

[prlite]

finally unpacking my fear of shifting ; winning a 5 year battle.

last night i minishifted via void state for the first time in a while, and it wasnt technically planned (i was meditating but didnt intend to fall into the void state, let alone to minishift). i was in a large field, with really big flowers, it was very peaceful...sweet but short.

but after that minishift, ive been in my thoughts a lot...what does shifting mean to me ? why do i feel as if i cannot shift fully, even though i have fully shifted multiple times before ? and as i continued to think about it, i got more and more confused by why i struggled when i can shift so easily without intending to do so and this is now my 5th year into shifting...so im not exactly new to this.

i wasnt exactly expecting an answer yet i did get one after thinking about it a lot deeper. my fear of shifting isnt about failure or about changes (which i always assumed was the problem, since i'm a perfectionist who struggles with changes)...it was a fear of me becoming what i hated most ; egotistical.

when i first got into shifting, and i went into communities with other shifters - a lot of experienced shifters would be obsessed with having a mentor-like persona. theyd be bossy, rude, judge other people's drs, some would honestly think they were just above others. it was so much...ego-flexing, almost taunting people...seeing all of that not only put me off shifting at first, but made me scared of shifting. what if i end up like that, what if i push others away from shifting ?

i'd see people making courses where youd have to pay $100+ for "advice", i'd see people tell others they arent the "destined ones to shift", i'd see people tell others that they weren't ready to shift...so much negativity...such a bad first impression that it unknowingly stuck with me. i know that not all experienced shifters are like that ofc (especially considering that i am...an experienced shifter), but seeing that and having that be my first impression made me wonder is that really what shifting does to people? everytime people would bring up the attitude shown by these people, it was always "well they shifted", "well i'm still gonna listen to them because they shifted" & no acknowledgement for the issue at hand...the attitude, it was almost as if this was just normal and i shouldve just sucked it up because "if you've shifted, you're automatically above others". because of that, i honestly thought being self-trusting enough to let go and shift fully and enjoy wherever i want to go would make me become someone like that...someone who looks down on others and scams people.

but the deeper i thought, the more i realised...it isnt because theyve shifted, or even because theyre into shifting : a lot of people simply want power. power over others, power to help them feel better about themselves; power over everything. shifting simply lures a lot of these people because they misunderstand the point of shifting, you're not the chosen one if you shift quicker than others or if you understand shifting at a deeper level than most — you're just...someone who knows a lot about shifting. we're all destined to shift, but we are also all able to control what we do once we shift and how we act once we shift.

this fear to become something that made me feel small, uncomfortable and unwelcome and this fear to push that onto others & hurt them may be a valid fear but it wont become a reality because i am in control of how i act. others may make it seem like shifting is what controls them but its not shifting, its their own decision to treat others like such.

it may seem like a weird niche fear, or something thats quite...small but its been so heavily internalised that i didnt notice it until now. i honestly feel like a large weight has been thrown off my shoulders, i can actually breathe. even if i shift instantly and have all of these crazy stories and experiences, i'm still the same person that i was when i first got into shifting...i won't change to become what i fear & i wont let that fear engulf me.

prl ✶⋆.˚

[lorelei-leslie-lee]

•° Lorelei Leslie Lee °•

A Percy Jackson OC made by @insert-clever-username-1133 , will interact with any roleplay blogs, especially Greek mythology related blogs

Basic Info

Name: Lorelei Leslie Lee

Nickname: Lore

Age: 12, almost 13.

Gender: Female

Current Residence: Camp Half-Blood in the summer, Circe's palace the rest of the year

Cabin: 7, Apollo!

Abilities: Healing, inflicting rotting/disease (both of these work on pretty much any living thing in theory, but in practice the larger/more powerful the creature the more energy it requires)

Will pay Hermes kids to steal me books from the Athena cabin.

People I Know

Family:

@maggiemelodies09 - Maggie/Mags, my closest friend. She's basically a sister to me. She's helped me and put up with me through everything, even with all the stuff she's dealing with. In fact, she's the one who saved me in the first place when I got lost from my old home.

@nymph-queen-and-protector - Circe/Mama Circe, my second mom. She's helped me ever since I came to her island, even adopting me as her own. She's also the reason I can practice magic without constant headaches.

@sunny-child-of-apollo - Sunny, my half-sister! She helped me come to terms with the fact that I'm a demigod, back when I was being all edgy about it, and recruited me into camp.

Friends:

@sneaky-melon - Melon, a friend I found out in the forest. Well, more accurately, they found me. An expert at cheering people up and being a good friend. I know I can always go to them for a fun time or a good laugh. They also taught me about the gods, the mist, Camp Half-Blood, and all that.

@onlymythologypersonincamp - Eve, my friend at Camp Half-Blood. First one I made, pretty much.

@defect-child-of-eros - Gracie! A friend of mine who taught me how to do archery. She's pretty cool.

@random-child-of-nyx - Starflower is so fun to hang out with. They're super nice to me, and even offered to take me in when I was having a rough time. The last time we hung out, I kinda got claimed, so... That might be a little awkward.

Moodboards

Appearance:

Aesthetic:

Q & A

Q: So, who all is in your family?

A: I have two moms. One of them is Mama Circe. The other one... I wasn't old enough to know her real name. All of Circe's kids are my sisters, technically, but the only person I consider a sister is Maggie.

Q: What about your dad?

A: I don't have a dad. Apollo is partially responsible for my birth.

Q: What do you like to do for fun?

A: I have a lot of hobbies! I've always loved to sing, I dabble in birdwatching, and I'm not a terrible artist. I read. Lately, I've been getting more into archery. I'm not as good as the other Apollo kids, but by normal standards, I'm really good. And, well, I'm having fun, and that's all that matters, right?

Q: What's your favorite activity at Camp Half-Blood?

A: Ooh, that one's hard. I'd probably have to say the campfire songs! But the arts and crafts and water activities are close runner-ups.

Mod Intro (OOC)

Hello, everyone, I'm the mod of this blog!

My name is Loralai, but on this blog you can call me Toli or just "mod" to avoid confusion between my name and the character's name.

Some ground rules for roleplaying with me:

No NSFW, please!

You can do whatever you want in character, characters can be mean and all that, but out of character please respect me and I'll do the same for you :)

I don't have a list of stuff I'm uncomfortable with, if I'm not comfortable with where a roleplay is going I'll tell you. If I do tell you this, don't push me on it.

I mostly respond during these time-frames on weekdays (all in EST): 7-8 am, 12-1 pm, and 5-11 pm. So if you're really eager for a quick response, try reaching out during those times, but you can shoot a message or a response at any time and I'll see it later.

(The orange coloring on some rules is for contrast/readability, it doesn't mean anything.)

Here's how I style my text:

Lorelei's actions and thoughts look like this, with the occasional emphasis.

"Lorelei speaking looks like this."

(Ooc parts of ic posts look like this.)

Fully ooc posts are normal like this, but they will be clearly marked and tagged.

Example: Lorelei does something. "Lorelei is talking." (Toli is talking.)

Tags:

#lore answers - Answering asks.

#lore responds - Reblogs / additions to rp threads.

#lost girl lore - Lorelei's first storyline, in which she met her adoptive family and learned about her abilities.

#runaway lore - Anything relating to Lorelei's short-lived stint where she figured out she was a demigod and ran away about it, as well as the aftermath.

#demigod lore - Camp Half-Blood shenanagins and such.

#rotting fruit au - An AU where Lore loses control of her plague / rotting abilities. Uses red instead of orange for dialogue.

:3 :3

[canmom]

l'aventure de canmom à annecy - épisode deux: XR

so I'm going to abandon all semblance of chronological order at this point.

just like last year there was an VR room operating on a morning booking system - each thing had two headsets and a signup sheet. I didn't get to try every one but I did get most of them. enough that the volunteers noticed me coming back every day x3

^ some random people immersed in the Wired

this is easily the longest annecy post so far... so please read on for a big old discussion of the unique difficulties faced by VR film as a medium, and how this year's annecy films meet them... or more often don't.

so annecy's vr films section is for essentially linear vr projects (i refuse to write "experiences") that can be watched/played in less than an hour. i don't know if that's a hard rule but that's how long all the ones here were!

let's get the technical stuff out of the way: the Quest 2/3 was by far the headset of choice. some ran natively, some were PCVR with a wire connecting to a computer, and some were 360° videos which played back on the headset with 3dof tracking. some had a degree of interactivity, up to about a 'walking simulator' level. the average runtime was between 20m and an hour.

the preamble: on the limitations of VR

the big question I have with XR movies is basically... how well does it actually use the medium? like, is it doing anything that wouldn't work better as a flatscreen game or a film?

this might seem like a high bar to clear, like why shouldn't it be in VR - but VR is uncomfortable, the headset is expensive etc etc, and that's before even the formal stuff I'm about to get into. so that's 'why not'. and also, this is a new medium, I want to see what unique features it has to offer!

I'm sure I've said this before, but despite on the face of it being more 'inmersive' than traditional flatscreen games or films, VR is actually a pretty restrictive medium! compared to flatscreen games with their many 'buttons', you are very limited in the possible interactions. your main interaction is to 'pick up' and 'hold' objects, but this is close enough to actual physical interaction to highlight how much it isn't. what it actually means is that you position your hand or controller in a trigger and press a grab button or pinch your fingers, at which point the object snaps to your hand and moves weightlessly with it.

you also can't accelerate the pov too much without causing motion sickness, etc etc.

ok, what about film? well, compared to film, the big big thing VR lacks is the frame of the camera. you can't cut, you can't frame a subject, you don't have long shots or closeups, you can't even rely on the player/viewer looking in the direction of an interesting thing.

since movement is also tricky in VR due to the motion sickness problem, you're also limited in your ability to steer the viewer to interesting sights with Valve-style 'vistas' using the level architecture. it's not impossible - Valve themselves have their familiar vistas in HL Alyx - but it's something that depends on the player being able to move through a large space, so it doesn't fit these kinds of movie-like project so well. otherwise you can draw attention to a direction using various means, like visual effects that converge on a spot, or just keeping most of the action in the same area.

what you can also do, closer to camerawork, is move the viewer's point of view, and shrink or enlarge their surroundings. the language of VR 'shots' is still far from defined, but we have a few recurring ones: standing in a normal sized room, the giant's view in a tiny city, the floating perspective looking down on a diorama, the ant's eye view inside something regular sized.

how about theatre, which also has most of these limitations? well, compared to being in person with a real human being, you're limited by the capabilities of realtime animation systems and the rendering tech available on the device. you're looking at the character in a slightly fuzzy low resolution and unless you have AAA money which noone in VR does, you're a bit limited in the 'acting' you can pull off. this may change if the apple vision pro gets popular - apple already have a 'gertie the dinosaur' style demo where a very detailed dinosaur emerges from a portal - but it's definitely out of reach of most teams working on the Quest.

so compared to all these other media, what does XR offer?

compared to film and theatre, there is the game aspect of agency: a story feels different if you are the one doing it. so most VR narrative games have characters interact with the player somehow, though this introduces the problem of how to write the player into a story without feeling like you're railroading them or that they're superfluous to the real story.

it's very easy to undercut this sense of agency by having an amount that's not zero but still too small, e.g. if it just feels like the player is touching a button that lights up then you wonder why they even bothered.

the role that most games put the (vaguely defined) player character in is 'terrifying violence doer'. this is a fairly easy role to write around, and it gives the player a lot of control of the 'how' while letting the writer control the 'what' and 'where' and 'why'. similarly if the player's role is something like 'puzzle solver'. but for a purely narrative presentation, these roles don't exist.

still, this is the idea that a lot of VR rests on: an 'immersive experience' which puts the player into the story.

the other big thing that VR has is the joy of experiencing visual effects in 3D. particles, trails, transforming geometric shapes etc are cool on a flat screen and even cooler in stereo vision where you can move your head around. another benefit is spatial audio by default - something that is gradually coming to games but provided 'for free' by vr consoles.

in the land of games, you also have incredibly precise position and direction input... as long as it's in arm's length of the player. the most successful genres of VR games (so far) use this: a lot of shooting games, and some games that let you interact with physics objects, offer 3D jigsaw puzzles, or simulate sports to provide some real exercise. it can be really good for rhythm games as beat saber demonstrates.

VR is also really for social games like VRChat - similar to MMOs but with the benefits of more complex tracking in lieu of canned animations.

but... none of these fit the form of a predictable 15-50 minute narrative sequence! they're not films! so the VR films category at annecy is a tough problem to crack.

last year, the VR project that most impressed me was one that put you in the seat of a novice spotter in a bomber in the second world war. this was a great fit for a lot of reasons. you are in a vehicle so you have no reason to move from seated; the scenario is full of loud scary sounds that can make full use of spatial audio; your 'character' is well-defined but also doesn't have much reason to speak within the scenario. this had a small amount of interaction (by pointing your head) which you could actually fail, making it a bit closer to a game, and also giving you reason to play close attention to the bombed out cityscape below you. it did a fantastic job of capturing the tension of a dangerous air mission, the pilot character interacting with you was compelling, and overall it really benefited from being in VR.

this year's films

sadly nothing I saw this year comes close to that. but still, some are interesting, so let's go through them!

My favourite this year was probably Flow - completely unrelated to the movie in the main competition, though they share the trait of being completely wordless, conveying their story simply through imagery and music.

Flow's big trick is a very cool visual effect where characters and objects are conveyed the trails left behind by little particles, causing them to appear ghostlike . At first you're just flying through a cityscape, passing various people on the street and in the subway, with the particle trails conveying the breaths of the passengers; gradually a storm brews, the trails becoming the wind that tears at everything.

I believe this was a prerendered film, with only 3dof tracking - i think i saw some compression artefacts at some point. So it's less technically impressive than if they managed to do it realtime but it does make full use of the power this gives to render loads of particles and move rapidly through different scenes. it was also an effect that benefitted from the ability to put you in the middle of it - something that would not work as well on a flat screen.

But it also benefitted a lot from being more film-like. It has an original soundtrack, and progresses without input from the player. There's no awkward 'player' character to write around, no space you stand about in. The film can simply unfold and let you appreciate it. In this case, no interaction is better than bad interaction.

My Inner Ear Quartet from Japan did not do anything particularly novel with the medium, but to my mind it had by far the most compelling story. It tells of a young, introverted boy who habitually digs in the dirt for objects that other people would consider trash. The title refers to a string quartet which he hears when he cries, imagined to be in his inner ear; also there is a pair of tiny shrimp which he saw grow in a net.

The first half is narrated by a man who turns out to be the boy grown up, now a hearing aid salesman. While the boy abandons his box of treasures, as an adult he returns to collecting and documenting abandoned objects as a kind of urban explorer.

The geometry here is stylised in a kind of rough, children's drawing way. I think this could have been pushed further with more complex shaders but it works. For the most part, you're watching as an invisible observer seated on a floating chair. At certain points, the viewpoint is taken inside the boy's ear, or into the tin of treasures, where you can grab the objects and get the boy's brief, poetic description of each one.

I liked this story because it had substance, but left enough up to interpretation to be engaging. By showing the treasures to us with the descriptions we get to understand why they might be significant to the boy. It plays well with the classic anime theme of objects as vessels for emotional significance. I think it would have worked just as well on a flat screen, but I enjoyed my time with it.

Now the rest...

The Age of the Monster had some things going for it, but honestly I think this one shouldn't have been in VR. It's basically a film about how bad we're fucking up the planet, putting us in the house of a man who works in the nuclear industry in the 70s up to a future where the cooling towers lie in ruins. The 'monster' is a giant anthro catfish, seen first as a B-movie monster and dream vision and finally as a real kaiju scale creature in the final future scene.

We're told about the economic circumstances that led to the man getting this job, and his relief at working in nuclear during the oil crisis; we're told about the infamous repressed oil industry report about how climate change is gonna be a thing; we're told about the man's fraught relationship with his radical daughter who is furious about his extractivist ways. Then we get a collapse and humans learn to take the force of nature more seriously, i forget the exact phrasing they used.

The main problem is? These are mostly things you are told, by voiceover. There is some environmental storytelling in the evolution of the house but not enough to convey much without the v/o. the film does not seem to have the confidence in its imagery to show us what it's trying to say.

I feel like the film's vision of the post-collapse future, with flocks of birds flying over a wide river and collapsed overgrown cooling towers, is a huge missed opportunity. Here's an opportunity to apply some true visual imagination of how humans might live in a climate changed future... but nah, giant catfish kaiju just kinda hanging out there.

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The environmental message is generally a stance I sympathise with, but the film doesn't make a good case for it on a propaganda level. We see the cooling towers outside the window and eventually the house, flooded, but it does little to make the collapse narrative emotionally compelling - and I question a little the choice to make it nuclear focused in a film about climate change. It's probably based on an actual guy, right? Maybe someone's parent? But... despite putting us in his shoes i don't really feel like i understand him very well.

Does this seem harsh? I know full well how involved vr dev is, and even simple things can take weeks. But i also want someone to make the most of this medium. To make something as compelling as the best short films on the main screens.

Gargoyle Doyle tells another 'skipping though time' story, depicting a gargoyle on an 800 year old church from its construction through to demolition. I would compare this one perhaps to a puppet theatre - it certainly stands out in terms of character animation, with Doyle played by Jason Isaacs as a classic grumpy old British theatre guy, his foyle foil a goofy statue of monk acting as a drainpipe with a penchant for puns.

I didn't get to watch this one in full, since I got to sub in for someone who left early (thanks to the volunteer who took pity on me when it was fully booked lol). So I didn't see the full arc of this. What I saw was... definitely edutainment material, but pretty well done. The player is cast as a visitor to a future museum and nature reserve built on the site of the church. It seems like this was originally shown in a real museum in Venice, with the 'in the museum' sections portrayed in mixed reality; obvs this wouldn't work at Annecy so they have these virtual too.

The narrative as a whole seems a tad self congratulatory and pat, with Doyle learning a valuable lesson about not being a cunt to his only friends as he's resurrected in the museum, and it doesn't do a whole lot with the VR framing, but taking it as an educational puppet show, it works pretty well - the voice performances are good and the jokes, while a little predictable, work for the kid-friendly style it's going for. I'm not sure it really needed to be 40 minutes long, but I can see they wanted to go maximalist for a proof of concept like this. It is kinda limited by the rendering capabilities of the Quest, the lack of shadows in particular, and could definitely benefit from some baked lighting given the relatively static scenes, but I give it a lot of credit for the character animation and VA.

Apparently the jury liked this one too because it won the competition!

Nana Lou has been in development a few years apparently, casting the player in the role of a psychopomp spirit whose role is to ease the passing of a woman dying of a stroke. Visually, this is one of the best looking, with elaborate forest scenes and strong environment design.

What I really like about this one is its use, at times, of a diorama-like presentation where the player looks down on tiny characters in a room. This is a concept I've wanted to try in VR for a while, and it's cool to see someone do it.

I found the kind of spiritual aspect of the story a lot more underwhelming. The player is accompanied by two other spirits who explain everything that's going on and point out the significance of all the imagery. The player is informed they have an important role, but they don't have a name and can't talk back, and the only interaction is to grab floating photos to initiate flashbacks.

I wish this film had had the confidence to trust in its acting and visual storytelling. While Nana Lou's life is a bit too lacking in serious conflict to make the premise work, it would still be far more interesting and compelling with the frame story largely trimmed. You could still cast the player as a psychopomp but you don't need to have a greek chorus telling them what to click on!

The actual story concerns Lou's relationship with her daughter, who became estranged when she quit university to raise her child, instead of staying on as Lou thought she should. This caused them to spend decades estranged. Finding out this story frees up the daughter's spirit as well, and the penultimate scene has her speak to Lou and make up.

There's definitely something to work with there, but the main delivery mechanism is rather ponderous narration triggered by interacting with objects, with the dramatic scenes largely having taken place off screen. Like The Age of the Monster, it suffers a severe telling-not-showing problem.

It's a shame because there are nice touches here. When you are beside Lou's bed in the hospital, your touch leaves a glow effect which is very evocative. The acting is solid, though the script undermines it a bit.

I don't think narration is evil - evidently, Yuri and I used it in our film, it's a very efficient way to convey information - but I do think it requires a lot of thought put into style and rhythm.

Spots of Light... ok. This one tells the story of an Israeli soldier who lost his sight in the Lebanon war, and later regained it temporarily through surgery. Given my general feelings about the Israeli military (presently carrying out a genocide), I was definitely not disposed to like this one. Nevertheless, it was the only one free so I decided to give it a shot.

This is one of those films where you interview someone and then put an animation to it. So this guy tells you what it was like to be blind and then not blind to see his family briefly, and it's illustrated with various images. And (if i remember right) some parts are on tvs showing video (and if you're using vr to embed a flat screen what is even the point??). When he's blind, everything disappears except vague outlines suggested by small points of light.

Ultimately this is a film about blindness, not the war (of course, meaning this is a person who could leave the war behind - though not to make light of the cruelty of conscription). Making a film about the experience of blindness in a purely visual medium is a choice all right, and I don't feel like this film expressed anything unexpected about it - he was sad to lose his sight, glad to see his family, depressed to lose it again but ultimately at peace. Which is conveyed, of course, primarily by narration.

So yeah this one didn't do much for me!

Stay Alive My Son, now. Agh. This one was... this one was a mess.

So this one is about the Cambodian genocide, right. It's based on a memoir by a survivor of the genocide, Pin Yathay, who became separated from his wife and son while fleeing the Khmer Rouge.

The way this is presented is essentially a walking simulator that takes you through a dungeon-like environment full of skeletons. Every so often you encounter 3D films - filmed with some kind of depth camera - showing actors playing out scenes from the life of the family. There is also a frame story where you visit Pin Yathay in his modern day house, where he sees a digital reconstruction of how his son might look as an adult

This one is difficult to review because it was severely marred by technical issues with the spatial audio, which caused the sound to cut out when you turned your head the wrong way or moved it to the wrong place. It would probably be less of a rough experience if the audio worked as intended. Nevertheless, I have plenty of reservations with the way the story is told as well.

It seems the director of the VR experience (fine! I'll write experience, there isn't a better noun for this kind of thing that sits between game and film) met Pin Yathay, there's video of her speaking to him at the end, but he had pretty minimal creative input beyond providing inspiration through his memoir. So this is a Greek/US interpretation of the Cambodian genocide. The narrative it tells is basically: Yathay and his family are living a pretty idyllic life, then the Khmer Rouge happens, seemingly not for any particular reason. Yathay and his family are evacuated and then put to hard labour growing rice; eventually, their son is put to work too, so fearing for his life, they flee into the jungle.

The Cambodian genocide is - obviously! - one of the worst atrocities of the whole bloody 20th century, and the circumstances surrounding it are worth reading about (though pretty unremittingly bleak). But you won't learn much about, say, cold war geopolitical alignment, Prince Sihanouk, the absolutely horrific civil war, the different ideologies in play in the Marxist milieu that influenced Pol Pot, or the spillover from Vietnam and the massive bombing by the Americans here which helped put the Khmer Rouge in power. You definitely won't learn much about the Cambodia that existed before the war. Instead, you're mostly traversing a dungeon that could come from any horror game, shining your torch on the things you're told to in order to unlock another segment of narration from (the actor playing) Yathay. It is, in pretty literal terms, a tour of atrocities.

Unfortunately the '3D film of actors' conceit doesn't really work because... even audio issues aside, the acting is pretty unconvincing. For some reason - perhaps that subtitles are tricky in VR - the dialogue is in accented English rather than Cambodian, and it's pretty quickly evident that they just have one guy in the role of 'Khmer Rouge soldier' and the lines he's given are kinda awkward. The horror game aesthetics of the environments and the amateur actors and costumes all clash pretty badly. The 3D filming is also kind of jank, only really working if you're fairly close to the camera position, so you aren't really free to move too far even if the audio didn't crap out.

The basic feelings it's trying to explore - the horror of living through a genocide, separation from a child, guilt for abandoning him, not knowing if he's alive or dead - is definitely worth depicting, but honestly this would have been far far better expressed as a 10-20 minute film than a slow 55 minute VR walking sim. The more abstract bits toward the end with paper plane imagery and a Buddhist temple (where you have to put a block in a slot to unlock a door) also feel too jank and videogamey to really have much impact, though by that point I had been wrestling with the audio for nearly an hour so I wasn't in the most receptive mood.

But all the execution flaws aside, that leaves the question of what even is the right way to portray a genocide artistically? This approach is very abstract, reducing the events to dislocated symbols - propaganda posters, the tree against which children were dashed - which perhaps might reflect how fragmented memory becomes, but seems to be wasting the potential of VR to establish you in a place. But then, I guess rice fields are harder to render than enclosed dark rooms.

Speaking of rendering, this was PCVR, so your torch casts shadows and it has other features that would be hard on realtime. But the lack of ambient light and general harshness of the materials adds to the 'horror game' feel.

There is something here about how genocides become associated with certain images. For Cambodia, it is primarily phrases like 'killing fields' and the stacked skulls in the genocide memorials such as Choeung Ek - few people know the name of the memorial in the west, but I think everyone who's heard of the genocide has seen the big stack of skulls. I imagine this is what all the skeletons in this experience are supposed to call to mind: they're representatives of the many ways people died. The problem that this kind of environmental storytelling has long ago been made kind of camp by videogames. A photo of a stack of real skeletons still has power to disturb, but less so a low poly 3D skeleton.

Should it have tried for a realism? The idea of trying to realistically simulate the experience of living in Cambodia though the genocide is kind of ghoulish, and I'm glad they didn't take that approach. But the 'tour of images' approach falls flat. I think The Most Precious of Cargoes elsewhere in the festival makes a stronger case for how to approach a topic like a genocide in a consciously constructed way, but it also has the ability to be in dialogue with a lot of other films made about the Holocaust. There is less in English about the Cambodian genocide - the viewer can't even be assumed to know what happened.

Overall, I think it would be possible to make a much stronger film about the genocide in Cambodia. But I'm not sure what that film would look like. I did learn one thing from this story, which is that there is a reality show in Cambodia which shows survivors of the genocide being reunited with their families. Not much is made of this here, it's something of a background detail. What would it be like to grow up in the shadow of an event like that? I wish the film had been willing to portray more of modern Cambodia - and I hope at some point someone in Cambodia will have a film at this festival, in VR or not, which can talk about it all from the first person.

Is there a good way to try to answer the curiosity of people who live safely in rich countries about what it is like to go through an actual genocide... using a Meta Quest 2 VR headset that costs a few hundred quid? I don't really know, but this film could have done with being a bit more reflective, I feel. So it goes.

the others

there were three films I couldn't see - The Imaginary Friend, Oto's Planet and Emperor. If I get some other chance to try them I'll write about them too!

Overall I felt a bit disappointed with the VR this year, but also I kind of want to put my money where my mouth is and try my hand at making this kind of thing. I do have the technical knowledge at least!

If you read all this, thank you.

[nerdthatsiriuslylovesteaxx]

Helpless part 9 guyssss (honestly surprised I've gotten this far without giving up)

"How's he doing?"

"He woke up today, turns out he had a broken rib and I didn't fucking realise."

"Will, he almost died. You were panicking, you helped him in the end, don't beat yourself up."

"It's a fucking broken rib not a paper cut."

"I know and normally I would be scolding you over it but this is a different situation, anyway any progress?"

"Well I mean he didn't threaten to kill me when I touched him and he talked to me so that's something I think...?"

"See he doesn't hate you!" She says punching him in the shoulder lightly,

"He's so fucking hot, how the Hades is someone allowed to be that hot?"

"Damn Solace, you're more obsessed than I thought."

"No shit. Also how do I get past the 'I won't kill you but I don't like you very much' stage?

"Try to talk to him, make him play 20 questions with you? Then he can interrogate you while you interrogate him, but also have few skips. He's gone through a lot, you don't want to force him to answer if he doesn't feel comfortable."

"Thanks for the advice Anni-Annabeth." He catches himself before using the nickname, he knows it's the one Luke always used.

"No problem Will, I wish you the best of luck in not getting killed."

"Hopefully I won't need it." he sighed with a smile before walking off to join his siblings. Annabeth smiled to herself, this would be entertaining. It was honestly painful to watch them pining over each other like this much while being so clueless about the other, it took all of her willpower to not lock them in a room together until they kissed.

---

"Morning Death boy." Will smiled as Nico got up,

"So creative, how long did it take for you to think of that?"

"Would you prefer Neeks? Or Doom and Gloom?"

"You are a child, Sunshine."

"Wow Nico di Angelo has discovered nicknames; anyways how do you feel?" It still surprised Nico how quickly Will could go from joking around to very much serious,

"I'm fine."

"Do you think you can eat anything?" Nico shook his head, as Will checked his pulse and breathing before taking out the IV needle. "Neeks I'm gonna take a blood sample, we need to see if the underworldly things have any other effects." Nico nodded but Will noticed the uncomfort on his face, he decided not to point it out but made a mental note. Nico didn't flinch at the needle but he looked like he was re-living something, Will didn't ask but wished he knew. "You feel alright to get up?"

"Yeah,"

"Great we're going outside, you need sunlight."Nico muttered something under his breath not loud enough for Will to hear.

"Aren't I on infirmary arrest?"

"Technically no, but it's either stay in the infirmary or have a healer with you at all times right now."

"Amazing," Nico grumbled following Will outside towards the edge of the forest.

***

________

Okay, so this part's a bit short but the next paragraph is really long and I didn't want to split it in half.

[ask-bucciarati]

ok, to get your mind off of the things. Could you do the opposite of talk shit about your team? Like tell me things you love about them all and maybe even special moments youve had with each of them! //I love found family dynamics and would love to read about moments bruno had with each of his teammates and how much he cares for each of them!!!

My team, yes, this would help take my mind off of … the things as you said. They are all very dear to me. I love this ask. :)

alright, well in no particular order here we go.

Fugo: he joined my team first, and for that reason he has a special place in my heart. I don’t choose favorites, but if I did it would probably be Fugo. He balances out our team very well, we have the crazy silly ones, Abbacchio, and then the thinkers that are Giorno and Fugo. But to me, Fugo made a goal of mine a reality. And then the others joined us, and they are very important to me. But when Fugo joined my idea of having a team had started. I had my first face to put to the ideas of people I had in my mind when I first started thinking of starting my team. I appreciate Fugos passionate temper. It helped get things moving. It escalates things, and sometimes things need to be escalated. Back when he first joined there was a restaurant that passione had recently started supporting. And we were sent to get things rolling with money laundering and collection payments. And when we first walked in we could tell the air was tense. The boss had been screaming at a young waitress because she told him something he said made her uncomfortable. She looked like she was about to cry, the other staff looked like this was their everyday life. A few minutes into our dealings he starts yelling at her again. I gave her a small smile, and Fugo got very upset at some of the things he said to her. So he broke a plate over the guys head and started yelling at him to leave her alone. He was very pissed and it took a LOT to get him to calm down, and the boss didn’t dare to say anything else to her afterwards.

Abbacchio: he takes missions very seriously. I know I can trust him to complete the mission and well. And he, well he makes me laugh often. It may not seem like it, but he is very thoughtful. As long as he doesn’t genuinely hate you, you can know that Abbacchio will be there for you if you need someone. Abbacchio hates about everyone,but genuinely hates some people. They are different things. I appreciate how he takes care of his teammates in difficult times, not normal times. I often notice Abbacchio doing things for the others, even Giorno, without saying so. One of them mentions offhandedly that they could really go for some lemon bars and Abbacchio comes home the next day with lemon bars. And then when everyone’s eating them he keeps quiet about it. Someone gets hurt during a mission one time and mentions that the car could really use a pillow in it for when someone needs to rest, and a pillow that smells suspiciously like Abbacchio is suddenly in the car for every mission afterwards. I think he cares way more than he wants to let on, and the others allow him to be the one who doesn’t care because they know he feels more comfortable that way. It’s almost sweet.

Trish: she has not been with us for very long. And she isn’t technically part of my mafia team, although I consider her part of my family. I’d prefer if she didn’t join the mafia, and I wish she never got caught up in all of this in the first place. Especially after her mother passing away, being kidnapped by gang members. But enough about that. It’s been very good to see Trish grow since I’ve known her. She’s grown in resilience, strength, confidence. And with her stand I know she can protect herself fine enough. Well, without her stand I think she was more than capable of protecting herself against non stand users. Stand users are in another category though and I’m glad that she has been improving her stand wielding.

Mista: he is odd, and I don’t mean that negatively. Well the number four is even so he has to be odd. But I appreciate the oddness that he brings to our team. Who knows what Mista is going to talk about next! But whatever it is I am absolutely certain that it’s going to stir up fascinating conversations among my team. And possibly even leave them disturbed. And honestly, I like having his stand around. Helps remind me that maybe we … should stop and eat. I have skipped less meals since Mista joined! Also he knows how to cook, and his food tastes good! I don’t think I’d know the specialty dishes different places here in Italy make if Mista wasn’t here! He causes me to try new things! And evil Mista is evil mista! But yeah, Mista is one to always check up on everyone. Even if sometimes he sounds very annoyed about it. “Narancia, don’t tell me you fucking got attacked by the enemy” is Mistas way of saying he wants Narancia to be alright.

Narancia: I don’t know if this makes sense but. I’ve given a lot of hungry kids food, and I care about all of their wellbeings. But when I gave my spaghetti to Narancia when we first met he had already felt special to me. I’ve given hungry kids food and even offered shelter to them temporarily. But I had a gut feeling that Narancia was going to be there for longer. I remember while he was in the hospital with that eye infection. The doctor had prescribed him an eye drop that he said felt like “the devil shitting in his goddamn eyeball”, which was not something I expected to hear come out of his mouth at the time. And every time the doctor would come in to put the eye drops in his eye I could see a glint of dread and terror behind his other healthy eye. But I also saw a lot of willpower and strength in that one eye. Despite how scary and painful the devil shit eye drops were, he wasn’t going to back down. Almost as if he saw them as an opportunity he was given. And because of his willpower then we all now have the privilege of seeing that afraid but determined look in both of his eyes during missions now.

Giorno: like Trish, I haven’t known her for very long. But she has lots of resolve. She is very charismatic! I appreciate the unique way she looks at things, her ability to think out side of the box has helped us many times during missions. I also appreciate her love of life! Never have I seen someone so passionate about preserving even the smallest of lives, shes changed my views for the better. She is genuinely very … golden haha. She is very good at reading people, incredibly good at that. And I appreciate the care she takes for the world around her. I love people who just pick up litter off the ground and place it in the trash. We live in this beautiful world, let’s keep it beautiful for future generations. Giorno exhibits that mentality, and often spreads it to others.

[fountainpenguin]

What do fairies eat

Fairies love eating plants! Lots of veggies and salads, plus random plants and leaves. It's a nod to both their insect DNA and the fact that a lot of Fairies shapeshift into animals, so some people think it's rude to offer guests animals to eat.

That said, small mammals are popular foods. There's a lot of bird-eating in my 'fics because, uh... birds don't fall off the edge of the clouds :')

Larger game such as deer do exist, but they're usually on Plane 7 (the Wanderplains) and the characters I write don't go there often (It's where Cosmo went when told to "get lost" in "Fairly Odd Baby").

?? I guess unicorns are technically game animals, but Fairies definitely don't hunt them for cultural reasons akin to Da Rules. Anti-Fairies don't have an issue with it, though... although in "Not All the Same," Anti-Wanda told Anti-Cosmo he looked more ruffled than a fruit bat on a unicorn's carcass, so take that as you will.

Binky and Jorgen indulged on a lot of sweet treats when they were disguised as humans in the "Swim" Prompt.

Anti-Fairies, who struggle growing nutritious plants in their world, eat a lot of meat, especially birds. The animals they can hunt aren't great since the leaves don't grow well without the sun, but they'll eat whatever they can get (Ex: Anti-Wanda's roadkill critter cake).

Prior the War of the Angels, the Anti-Fairies relied on the magical bottomless cauldron of the Dagda, which could spawn food, but Anti-Cosmo lost it during the war.

Fairies tend to eat fast and get out while Anti-Fairies settle in for large, long meals. A lot of Anti-Fairies struggle to get enough food (especially since their species doesn't need food to live, so sometimes people just skip meals and grow steadily weaker). The polite thing to do is offer food to a guest if you have enough to spare.

This is one of the things H.P. finds annoying... Anti-Cosmo (and his predecessor) always give him food when he visits, and their meals take forever.

It's worth noting that Anti-Fairies drink a lot of wine and Fairies drink a lot of water or milk. Canonically, Fairies get drunk/hungover from candy and soda ("Power Pals"), which I've always interpreted as sugar and carbonation, so these societies prefer low-sugar drinks as opposed to juice.

The "Shadow" Prompt depicts Hiccup (Foop's alternate personality) going to lunch with Anti-Wanda at a traditional Anti-Fairy dining establishment, where we see hints of their food-serving culture (youth deferring to elders, so Hiccup is taken aback when Anti-Wanda offers him the last scone against protocol).

We also learn there's a tradition that the High Countess, in honor of the very first High Countess who was paralyzed and fed by her partner, isn't allowed to touch certain foods with "hands, magic, or utensils" and is supposed to be fed by close kin, and no one can eat until she's done. Anti-Wanda is uncomfortable with all that attention and pressure, so she dodges that custom by eating with her feet.

Foop & Hiccup think their mum is so dang smart... They really look up to her and it's important to me <3

Pixies eat soy, plus a lot of grains like oatmeal and cereal. However, all pixies are deathly allergic to honeywheat (because they're clones of H.P.); there's an upcoming scene in Origin of the Pixies where Anti-Cosmo is mad at him and serves him honeywheat rolls at a special banquet. H.P. catches on and screws him over by going to eat the roll anyway, so Anti-Cosmo lunges forward in a panic to save his life... and is forced to admit to everyone he just tried to poison his friend.

The anti-pixies are based on fruit bats, so they eat a lot of fruit. I'm pretty sure there's a gingerbread cave near them ("Clash With the Anti-World"), but I forget right now if I have that next to the Pixies or anti-pixies in my worldbuilding.

The common fairy subspecies share their biology with dragonflies, which are carnivores. They have to eat meat, which Cosmo's great at doing!

From his teen years up, Poof punishes himself by cutting meat out of his diet as much as he can without dying. It's not healthy for him, but he started doing it after crashing Cosmo's car in "Repeat;" I love this scene:

"Hey, Poofster. Come out where I can see you. You know I'm no good at hide-and-seek." Poof slunk around the desk, and Cosmo drank him in for the first time. His whole face had brightened pinker than a plum. He clenched Dusty's wand between both hands, knees curled almost to his chest. Where had Dusty gone off to, even? Odd. With slow beats of his wings, he drifted over to where Cosmo floated above the tile. "I'm not really sure what happened here, but I'm kind of broken up about this, Poof. Darla was handmade and perfect. Replacing her parts year past year was super expensive for me. Now she'll have to be a magical car, and that's gonna cause a lot of problems on magical roads. We'll have to pay extra fees because of that and get extra license restrictions now. We can't drive her some places in the cloudlands, even to her favorite mountain spots. And never, ever take her to the lakes. How are you gonna fix it?" "I'm sorry! I won't drink your chocolate milk again for a century. I won't hang out with friends and I'll do all my homework and I'll do my exercises and shower every day and I'll never ask for extra curfew time for the rest of my life! And… and I'll give up eating meat forever! Even pepperoni!" Cosmo's eyebrows lifted. That seemed a little harsh, even if he had crashed the car. But when Poof ducked his head, he said, "Gee. Well, I guess I have no choice except to forgive you if stop snitching my chocolate milk. But how did this happen? I thought you were going to practice, so why were you in Serentip?" "It was an accident! S-someone ran right on in front of me, and I had to spin the car so I wouldn't hit them." Pause. That hadn't been in the report. Cosmo glanced sideways at the three fairies behind the desk, who all averted their eyes and pretended to be working again. "And… you ended up in Serentip on… accident." "Dad." Poof lowered his voice to something like a hiss. "This is embarrassing… Can we talk about this somewhere else?" But the paperwork. Even Fairy paperwork had its sluggish annoyances, and he had no pixie here to lend a hand. Cosmo massaged the small space between his eyes. Maybe he shouldn't have. After all, they were still in public and Poof had already asked he tone it down… but when the thought struck him, he couldn't choke it back. "Are you okay? Were you… buying peppermint?" "No! No way, Dad! I don't take mint; I'm a good kid." Poof's eyes filled with wetness, their saltiness stinging the energy field like dandelions whapping window glass. "It was just an accident!"

In "Approval," Foop complimented Poof for bringing "quality refreshments" to the school dance they were setting up, remarking that he'd thought Poof would bring something "weird" since he doesn't eat meat. In that Prompt, we find out Foop is ALSO censoring his meat-eating, but it's because he's embarrassed to let on to his betrothed that he likes chicken nuggets, so he eats salad instead.

And we learned that Fairies use magical bubbles instead of plastic or styrofoam for their to-go orders :)

Also, apparently I have Anti-Cosmo down in my notes as a French fry lover to parallel Cosmo's potato skin allergy (and because A.C. thinks salt is tasty). I think he and Hazel would really bond over that.

- Anti-Cosmo's actually vegan in my 'fics because Cosmo likes meat so much. He tends to push this on people around him, especially Foop, which Foop has issues with. Anti-Cosmo's wedding band is made of a non-leather material and he got excited in "Health Bars" when he was gifted a scarf that harmed no animals. - Fun fact, the silver-haired anti-habetrot who gifted him that scarf is Anti-Coriander (Foop's future betrothed), but this was when she was still a stranger. She's also the anti-habetrot who was monitoring Anti-Wanda's vitals in "You'll Never Know," also pre-betrothal. She's always been there...

Related:

What do Anti-Fairies eat?

Eating habits of each magical race

Social Ladder (Food weaknesses for all 35 Fairy subspecies)

[evilsanlang]

Heyy sorry if this is a dumb question but I've been trying to get into tgcf for ages but I've always been so uncomfortable with the fact that xl met hc when he was a little boy...I know hc is a completely different person by the time they get together but it's still so weird to me. Isn't that grooming? Idk much about the story but I know mxtx has a history of writing gross stuff

I'd just like to know what you think since it's rare to find mxtx critical people and I never see anyone talking about this /gen

it's not a dumb question! it's completely normal to side-eye the circumstances of their first meeting with mxtx's track record. to get this out of the way right off the bat: it's most definitely not grooming, which is a tool deliberately employed to earn a child's trust with the intent to exploit them. their interactions early on are mainly one-sided and sporadic; although young hua cheng becomes his devotee after xie lian saves him, xie lian barely knows who he is, and there's nothing whatsoever on his side that suggests intent to form a connection. at best he thinks young hua cheng is good with a sword and should be appointed, but then that's really about xie lian getting on board with child soldiers, which. is a whole other topic. worth mentioning that it's not until they've passed 800 years apart that they begin to form a bond.

but that's taking the story at face value without considering the author's intent - and when we revisit the infamous land of the tender scene, the wink wink nudge author notes at the end of it, no one can say you're wrong to be uncomfortable. as with all media you have to start asking yourself: why did the author frame things this way? how should I contextualize their meeting at 10 and 17 years old respectively, knowing mxtx intended to write them as a couple from the start? how should I feel about a scene where the teenage future love interest witnesses the protagonist under the effect of a sex pollen in close proximity but technically nothing actually happens between them, and what was the author's purpose behind that?

this is part of what makes this hard to discuss: the characters themselves don't quite cross boundaries, but the characters aren't their own people, and the author behind them has a history of writing rape porn between teens and whatever the hell goes on in scum villain. that makes some of the choices she took with the story, at absolute best, questionable. and you should question them! I know my mutuals and I do, to the anger of some mxtx fans who stumble upon our posts lol

everyone has different tolerance thresholds, and personally tgcf is within mine, as is mdzs, while I refuse to touch scum villain with a ten feet pole. I do think hualian's relationship is written well enough that it doesn't bother me, but it might bother you, and that's completely understandable. something doesn't have to be morally reprehensible to turn you off of it

[aizenat]

Here’s the thing about Meg and the allegations. So like as her lawyer pointed out, this person didn’t ever file any harassment complaints either to Megan or anyone else. Now you can argue “who would he complain to” but Meg had been managed by Roc nation since 2019. Even before she blew up with Savage. So like he could have complained to their hr so there was at least a record of it.

But he didn’t. So, seriously, when did Megan get a chance to know she was making him uncomfortable?

Like I feel like ppl need to really realize that celebrities are NOT like us. They may put their pants on one leg at time like us but they don’t live like us. AT ALL. Wild and crazy parties with things we couldn’t even imagine, all types of drugs everywhere, orgies and kinky sex galore: the real lives of the rich and famous would have even the more liberal of us clutching our damn pearls.

Just like with the Lizzo case, everyone is down to party until the party stops. Especially when the party stops because of their own actions (those backup dancers were obviously bad employees who got mad they got fired for not working the way they were supposed to). Then when the party stops, they want to expose the craziness of these celebs lifestyles, KNOWING it’s supposed to be an industry secret. You want to know why a lot of celebs will go quiet or distance themselves from ppl who get these accusations? Because they don’t want the truth of what THEY get up to to also come out as a result of someone else getting outed. Ppl like “weird she told the cameraman not to say anything” like it’s not well known that anyone working with Beyonce on anything has to sign an ironclad nda and speak no evil they see. And the connection plus the money is more than enough to incentivize them to keep their mouths shut.

This guy and those background dancers got good, cushy gigs and fumbled the bag and now have to go this route after trying to extort these women didn’t work. And they both existed in a way where it’d be hard for them to get another similar gig without a good reference. And if they didn’t leave in the best terms, that’s similar to getting blacklisted. And honestly no one will want to work with them after these lawsuits so they have nothing to lose other than time by filing these lawsuits and almost everything to gain if they win or (more likely) settle out of court.

Megan herself is not a business or company, and likely didn’t hire this guy formally. And if she did, he likely knew beforehand (either was told or quickly learned) what all he’d see and be taking pictures of. And especially if he was partying with Megan, he knew what would be going on. He’s a fucking liar.

Also, America is an at-will employment country (outside Montana lol). Meaning an employer can, technically, fire you at any time and that’s their right. But it also means that as a worker, you’re allowed to quit at any time (meaning no employer can force you to stay on once you decide to quit). He wasn’t forced to do anything he didn’t want to do. If he was uncomfortable, he could have filed a complaint with Roc Nation or her old label (considering the legal issues they were having, they would have LOVED to have that to hold over her I’m sure).

He worked for her for like 4 years! When the Tory stans were dragging her, he could have came out with this to bury her. When Nicki was having a meltdown, he could have brought this up. There were so many times where Megan was getting so much hate or dealing with so much shit and he could have given her enemies ammunition then. Why not then? Why now? You spent four years watching her fuck ppl and whatever and you apparently had a huge problem all those years and never said anything?

Megan’s entire persona is she a freak. I’m supposed to believe this photographer, this MAN, got a job following her around taking pictures of her and he was surprised and shocked to see her fucking in front of him? Yeah ok. Like use your brains ppl. What makes more sense: a group of young people excited to travel the world and be as freaky as they want having fun and wild parties that sure get crazy but that’s the point, or this young woman on the come up with no real power or foot in the industry yet hiring a photographer to only professionally take pictures of her in professional settings but she’s so evil and crazy that she couldn’t help but fuck ppl in front of him and viciously harass them.

Just a note too: funny how similar these accusations are to the accusations against Lizzo. The body shaming accusations against both women is definitely a calculated choice to purposely denigrate and undermine these women as they are both known for being body positive.

Also the “hostile” work environment in very non-traditional situations; both cases use situations outside of the work setting to try to argue that the artists created a hostile environment. But like you didn’t have to go to a strip club if you were so against it. You can say “well they had to for work” but no you don’t. There was a kid at my last job who was aggressively against doing anything outside business hours with the company. He went to zero company outings, never went to the holiday party in all his 10+ years of working there, refused to have anyone from the company be a friend on fb or any social media, never went to the company picnic, etc. People didn’t even know if he had siblings or whatever because he was determined to keep work and private life separate. And that wasn’t even close to the reason he got fired lol (he was constantly late/called out all the time so it finally caught up to him lol).

My point is that if these ppl were so against the lifestyle, why do they seem so into it until they get fired/are no longer able to collect a paycheck from these celebs? You on tour, go to your hotel after a performance. No one is forcing you to the strip club. You don’t want to be around someone who drinks a lot and gets freaky when she does? Take another car to where you’re staying and leave her to her antics. There are so many pretty big names on entertainment who don’t party and aren’t on drugs and shit; if they can figure it out, I think these employees can too.

And this to me is the tell tale sign these accusations have no merit. The things they always list sound like things friends do when hanging out. Going to clubs, drinking and making out with people. I’ve been at parties with ppl making out in front of me. I’ve drunkenly made out with a girl while a friend was awkwardly standing off to the side; shit happens when you put a bunch of young people in hot rooms with alcohol.

Like the work environment (for Megan; there are a few claims from the Lizzo case—tho not the ones directed at her but at her company and choreographer—that I do think have merit) claim this guy is trying to make is weird because you first have to establish what was work and what wasn’t. I used to go on outings with my old coworkers outside of work, and I wouldn’t blame my company if one of them did something to offend me or whatever. As a photographer, I would assume you’re taking pictures in very specific circumstances. So if you’re partying outside of work or having lunch outside of work, anything Megan does you claim you don’t like isn’t a work related issue.

Similar to the stripper story from the Lizzo story (also, learning that story supposedly happened at Crazy Horse is WILD for a host of reasons that invalidates the claim even more imo), going out after work isn’t required. And they can say pressured well they want; they’re grown and if Lizzo tried to fire them for not going, THAT would be a major HR violation and terms for a lawsuit right there. It’s so obvious in both cases that these ppl were down to party and got mad when the party stopped. They got a taste of that celeb life and got drunk. They wanted more. They didn’t want to return to their regular lives. So maybe a lawsuit would get some money to keep the party going.

The music industry is particularly shady. More so than the tv/movie industry. And these ppl are barely hiding it these days. The little bit we see we can bet the reality is that to the ♾️ power. And anyone getting into music knows that and has to decide how they want to navigate it. The very nature of these lawsuits and their allegations seem less about someone seeking justice (like we see in cases like, let’s say, the Diddy lawsuits) and more like someone trying to tear down a woman’s reputation.

Because with Diddy and R Kelly and the sort who get called out on these, it’s rarely a shock. Few ppl in general are living entirely separate double lives; that shit would be exhausting. Ppl been knew about Kelly; people been knew about Diddy. The lawsuits and documentaries and shit just exposed what we already knew/suspected. And based on their personalities and personas, there’s no real reason to doubt it.

But with these, notice how the accusations are not just surprising giving the nature, but how they specifically contradict the image the celebrity is portraying. Lizzo doing fat positivity but she’s actually not fat positive to others (despite making a point to hire big dancers but sure). Megan is all positive but she fat shamed me and told me not to eat! She’s so mean! Funny that.

It seems to me that these ppl have a vested interest tearing down these women’s reputation and shaming them. Or, at least, are leveraging their reputations to get some payouts, assuming they’d rather do that then fight this in court.

Also, and idc who hates this, but Johnny Depp, a man with a known and long recorded history of violence and drug and alcohol abuse, was able to convince the world his mostly unknown wife was the one abusing HIM by twisting moments she was trying to defend herself against her. And the world fell for it. Many still believe it because they didn’t do any real research, nor looked at the unsealed records that mostly support what Amber claimed. And it worked because ppl love to hate women and will find any reason too. And people have beef with Megan for unhinged and loser reasons. Meaning they will jump on this to vilify her immediately. And that’s what this asshole was banking on. That’s what all these people are banking on: that our hatred of women will lead to us harassing these women the way the world did Amber and get them to yield.

Johnny Depp started a trend of men (and the gender traitors) filing lawsuits against women to attack their character and force them to do what they want. And the threat is obvious: give me what I want or end up blacklisted, hated, and ostracized like Amber. And because everyone hates women, you idiots will fall for it every time.

Believe women means you believe them even when they’re being accused. Y’all are really not ready for real female solidarity. We’re never making it out the patriarchy.