#technically speaking i was extremely depressed as well and it's not easy to get up from that but I've been trying and I've made realprogress

[drifloonz]

*Cough*

*Coughhhh*

Strangle Red(Steven) cuddle headcanons for the simp n single plzz.

i was gunna go on hiatus and close requests temporarily bc theyve just been piling up but Ehhhhhhhhhh. This ones easy i might as well dripfeed people content. got nothin' else 2 do!

anyways

steven cuddling headcanons <3

____

♡ man's got a grip on him. due to his extreme self-isolation and therefore under socialization, he doesn't really remember... how to like... hug well. he knows how to do it, but it's been years and he also isn't exactly aware of his own strength, y'know? this means he'll usually hug you really tight, more than he means to but he doesn't notice it's too tight, usually.

♡ due to this if you ask for cuddles, the first few times it may be kind of awkward because he's not really aware that he's squeezing you too tight unless you make it obvious ( eg making noise or looking really visibly uncomfortable )

♡ he's perceptive though, and he'll eventually notice this and loosen up a lot. he's a very good cuddler once this happens... he's almost definitely way taller*, bigger, and built* than you, so it's like cuddling with a big comfy teddybear. he's warm and nice.

*( i personally hc him as 6'5 or taller to a mostly unnatural/uncommon degree like idk 6'9+ ),

*( if you like your stevens more muscly or dad-bod-esk, which i HC his body being like that in his later adult life anyways. although he was very skinny, weak, scrawny and underate in his teenage after-incident years due to not taking care of himself in my own personal headcanons cuz' i mean. makes sense. checks out. depression and spiralling does a lot of that to a mf. )

♡ when you cuddle while he's asleep, his hugs loosen up a lot because he's genuinely happy and calm around you, especially when he's asleep. although, if he's having a nightmare or is visibly stressed he'll be squeezing you as if you were dying in his arms and he wasn't ready to have you go... huh. Might be related to that nightmare. And also the general fear of losing people he loves. #lol

♡ he loves making you feel safe, and if cuddles do that for you he's going to take almost every opportunity to let you do that with him. he especially finds it cute when you nuzzle into the space between his neck and shoulder, or lay your head on his chest. it feels... nice.

♡ he also makes small snores and huffs and mumbles when he sleeps. his chest is very rumbly and the vibrations feel nice against your body. probably the type to sorta sleeptalk. maybe even sleepwalk but that ones arguable, although i see him doing it. horrible mental image of him somehow sleepwalking while still cuddling you, so he's just carrying you while he groggily walks around his own house.

♡ speaking of sleeptalking, this definitely isn't me projecting a headcanon i got from a character.ai rp, but he'll often sleeptalk about you, or when he's having particularly good dreams he'll be reminiscing on his nostalgic days with miki, and audibly saying and doing the things he's doing in his dream. this leads to him awkwardly petting you in real life thinking you're miki and not being aware of it unless you mention it to him, in which he'll get embarrassed but try to play it cool and also ask if you liked it. it's a little cute, though.

♡ speaking of, miki sleeps at the foot of you two's bed and takes up half of the bed /hj

♡ technically related, he sometimes hugs you in public ( if you somehow get him outside in the public eye ) if he's jealous, but it's moreso "putting a protective arm over your shoulder" type gesture. he'll also just do it as a protective measure even if nobody's making him jealous. he's a little paranoid of you replacing him or finding someone better, because to him it probably isn't that hard. Bpd moment.

♡ he will not tell you this outright but he really likes the feeling of your hands running through his messy, tangled hair when you two cuddle. it's nice. if he could purr He Would. he does make little rumbly chest vibrations with his noises sometimes which, close enough ig

♡ if you snore or make any noises or sleeptalk or do anything like that, he finds it very cute and endearing. if you sleeptalk especially he might quietly respond back just to see if your very unconscious brain replies to him. he's curious. and finds it cute to tease you even in that state.

♡ if you two are a little further in your relationship, he'll often give you some slow, chaste kisses when you two cuddle. he doesn't do this earlier mostly because he's sort of bad at knowing when the right time to do that would've been, or if you'd like it... so he still doesn't do it often, unless you initiate it a lot. then he gains that confidence back and teases and kisses you a lot more often.

♡ you will Not escape his arms if he doesn't want you to. they're big and he's strong. if he wants 5 more minutes when you two wake up, you are HAVING 5 more minutes. unless he feels particularly merciful and lets you go, or if you get out of his arms when they're loose ( aka when he's sleeping, since they loosen up a decent amount if he's comfortable and asleep )

♡ steven's almost always the big spoon due to him enjoying it a decent chunk more since he likes being protective and holding you, but in most cuddling hcs i like to think the both of you are facing each other when you cuddle anyways. equal amount of attention and cuddling. that's how steven likes it as well, i'd think.

♡ speaking of which he is very clingy with you and cuddles and hugs indulge him. he can just keep you there if he wants. he's usually nice enough and will let you go if you complain enough or really need to do something ( eat, go to the bathroom, shower, whatever )... but he finds it funny to keep you there sometimes. he'll never genuinely not let you go unless he's feeling extremely overprotective or had a really bad nightmare and wants your comfort but is too afraid to directly ask.

...or he's afraid of you getting hurt like how miki and also mike but steven doesn't want to think about mike did when he let his guard down, and then becomes overprotective due to that, since he's afraid of leaving you alone without him and thinks you'll get hurt.

♡ anyways! on a lighter note he's so big that you could probably sleep on top of his body and he wouldn't mind, probably. he sort of likes the weight. you Are his weighted blanket that he needs so desperately but is too lazy to order off of éBay ( get it. é. like the pokémon é. god i should make a pokemon irl blog with my sona or something some day. anyways. )

♡ semirelated by technicality in the sense that its about touching him, please god massage steven. specifically his spine and his back. his borderline scoliosis quickly became Regular Scoliosis after the incident and it's only ever gotten worse. he will appreciate it. he also will do the same if you also have back problems which tbh if you're reading this, you probably have back problems. [ PROJECTS MY ISSUES ]

♡ very good cuddler but he is clingy sometimes and very strong overall very good 5/5 star review on yelp ( i dont know why i end every request with this it's sort of hard to end requests in general )(*&^ )

thank you for requesting !

[cheekycherry20]

I work in the field of aba (applied behavioral analysis) and have been for a little over a year. I started off really passionate about positively influencing the lives of children under the spectrum, because as an adult with adhd, I understood how hard it is as a kid to live in a not-so-opened minded neurotypical society.

I myself was bullied, left out, and made to feel unimportant on numerous occasions. I lacked the correct social skills, trying to mirror my peer’s behavior, yet being completely far off, and struggling to fit in for years. I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression with no outlet and proper coping mechanisms, all made worse with skewed communication skills. All of which I still struggle with today.

I started as a bt(behavior technician) and was quickly pushed into getting my license to become an rbt (registered behavior technician). On the journey to getting my license, I tried to soak up as much information as I could. It was very important to me to be a voice for the children. I had more downs then ups, as I put more pressure on myself then I should.

I wasn’t worried about running targets and gathering data. I wanted to ensure a good quality of life for my children. I’ll always call them my children, because I care for them that much. It’s almost maternal. I cry over my kids, worry about my kids, get angry at my kids. I love them more than anything in the world, I never knew I was capable of love until I got into the field.

Rbts don’t just work alone, we’re directly below bcbas (board certified behavior analyst). They make the plans for the kids, as the rbts run the sessions and gather the data bcbas need. Since the bcbas aren’t in session, it’s incredibly important that the rbt is collecting the right data and being extremely analytical over the session.

In my short time in being an rbt, I’ve been made to feel unimportant (as mentioned before) by numerous senior rbts and most importantly, bcbas. In my personal opinion, not being in a session can make it quite easy for a bcba to make the wrong decisions. In the past I’ve been quite vocal about ideas and goals that my kids can have long term, or just to push them into their next step of life. With children who are learning to functionally communicate, I step up and speak for them if I notice anything. I’m not a bcba, so technically I’m not legally allowed to run something without a bcba knowledge. But once again, my voice doesn’t matter.

As well as taking data, rbts are required to speak to parents. Not just about the child’s day, but for goals, progress, regression, and behaviors. Parent communication is very important, but parents implementing the same strategies as rbts is even more important. Some parents are amazing, but some parents drop their children off as an aba clinic is a daycare. It is far from it.

It’s very difficult watching parents drop their kids off in sick states, or seeing them come in minimal clothing in extreme cold. I’ve seen parents listen to therapist feedback and do the opposite of protocol,ensuring intense behaviors for therapist. As a parent it’s very difficult to live with the behaviors, so I undertstand how hard it may be. But as a therapist, I feel as if I’m not doing enough for my kid because they’re not making progress, because I can’t get them there alone. Parent cooperation is key.

I continue to get shot down and made to feel like I’m incompetent. I don’t know if it’s my age or minimal experience, but whatever the case may be, I no longer want to allow myself to be in spaces where I don’t feel heard. This is a really difficult thought for me to have, as I feel like I’m giving up on so many kids who just need someone to care about them. But I can acknowledge that in this field, caring isn’t always enough.

In the beginning I definitely tried my best. Advocating for my kids wasn’t the hard part, but my mental state is rapidly declining in the process. I truly still want to advocate for my kids, but when I voice my opinions I feel like what I’m saying is wrong.

I believe that stepping out of the field is my best option. To sit and watch fellow rbts and bcbas care too little or not at all for my kids has taken an incredible toll on my mental health. If you’re a parent or friend of someone interested in bringing a child into an aba clinic, please be sure you know exactly who is with them. There’s good therapists and bcbas , but there’s also a lot of people who just so happened to get their license and want a check.

[ctrl-alt-deleting-yr-face]

fuck it

i’m not scared

going through the entire oc ask game list for fun and answering them for hikari

i wanna post more about her but i get nervous!! but i’m still gonna do it anyways!!

be prepared, it’s a long one ^^

Note: As i was writing this i realized it got too long. So uh. I’ll be making a part 2. ^^

Edit: part 2 is up!

“Associated color?” Blue and white. Hikari is mainly associated with those two colors. Purple and yellow are also in there, but blue and white definitely make up the main palette ^^

“Favorite music genre?” Definitely indie rock, especially surf rock. Drawings Of Nothing by Archer Oh would probably be her favorite song, since it’s like. THE Hikari song in my brain

“Choice of weapon?” Hikari doesn’t really like to fight when it’s unnecessary. But she doesn’t use a weapon! She uses her magic to make big ol claws on her hands! She likes it since it feels natural. It’s an extension of her body, and she can get as up close and personal as she wants without really dealing with consequences, so she doesn’t mind!

“Are they crafty?” Vaguely? Not very much, though. She probably would if she spent more time alone, but since she’s always used to having others around, she doesn’t really get the chance to be super crafty.

“Usual wardrobe, practical or aesthetic focused?” Typically Hika would probably just wear her usual outfit or knight uniform, but if not she’d probably lean towards aesthetics. That’s not to say she doesn’t have cozy clothes! Sometimes she has a hard day and she just wants to curl up in the biggest, fluffiest sweater ever. ^^

“Hair?” VERY long and sleek blue hair. Usually she wears it tied in twintails, high twintails in her Xrd design and low twintails in her Strive design. It’s only really worn down when Nekomata takes over

“Favorite animal?” Now, you’d guess cat. After all, they’re not only a big part of her (locked away) past, but she also has cat ears and a tail! However, you must remember. She doesn’t give a fuck about herself. The only person she really does? Romeo. Her favorite animals are sheep.

“Nickname?” Not a real one, no. The most she has is Delilah calling her “big sis” at times and Romeo calling her an “insufferable cat”

“Favorite/least favorite food?” Dragonfruit is absolutely her favorite. She LOVES dragonfruit. As for least favorite.. Probably mutton, rock candy, or anything extremely bitter.

“Jewelry?” Not a ton? Unless you count her brooch and shackles on her strive design, which are made of a silvery metal, not really.

“How much are they like you?” Well, we’re both autistic, queer, love music, and vaguely depressed. So I’d probably get along pretty well with her.

“How long have they been around? Birthday?” Hikari is a very interesting case, to say the least. To start with the easy part, Hikari’s birthday is October 30th. I don’t remember why i decided that, it certainly wasn’t the day i made her, i think it just felt right. But as for how long she’s been alive… It’s complicated. Both physically and mentally, Hikari is in her late teens. 17-19 range. However, technically… She’s probably like in her 30s. This is because she died during the crusades as a teenager and she was brought back to life by the magical foci who fell in love with her and fused with her, turning her into an immortal yokai herself. She was actually alive in Baiken’s colony when it was around! I was thinking the attack that destroyed the colony and took Baiken’s arm and eye was the same one that killed Hikari at the time.

“How many languages can they speak?” 2! Hikari is fluent in both Japanese and English! She thinks it’s funny to annoy Romeo in Japanese since he can’t properly respond to it

“Good with numbers?” Vaguely? Her knowledge goes to like maybe beginning of algebra 1 and that’s it. She learned a lot from Romeo.

“What’s their family like?” Before their deaths, Hikari lived a quaint life in one of the Japanese colonies with her dad, older brother, and very abusive mom. They were all rather loving and didn’t mind Hikari’s differences and behavioral struggles (aside from the mom). After they all died, Hikari was revived, and her memories were erased, there was a long period of time where Hikari only had Bedman. He was all she knew. After his death, she was struck with deep grief. Grief that began to heal after she managed to meet Delilah. She sees Delilah, the bedframe, and Baiken to be the closest she has to having Romeo back at the current moment. She currently lives with them when she’s not working at the castle, and of course, Romeo joins their little household once he’s revived.

“Any pets?” Nope! She loves animals but never really had the chance to care for any pets.

“How did they spend their free time as a child?” Hikari loved nature before her death. Especially the forest and water. Whether it be running through the grass while calling out to singing birds, splashing in creeks with her brother, or accompanying her dad on fishing trips, she always wanted to be outside.

[kingstooth]

i don't know what barnaby's deal is but he's handsome. and i like his tats.

thank you anon!! if you don't mind i'm gonna take this opportunity to talk about his deal a little bit :3c

a little background- barnaby's a witch within my witchverse, a special little headworld i've toyed with for years. spellcasting and power is mostly dependent on how well you know yourself - casting is technically easy, but not everyone casts spells in the same way, because the spellcaster has to focus intent + feeling + speak and/or gesture their own meaning & memory. like conjuring ice might require someone to channel a memory of frostbite & list the sensations bc it's what they associate with ice.

witches can forego this (to a degree) with ritual (written spells)(pros: discreet)(cons: slow, variety is more limited) which are more complicated to learn and can go wrong much easier, or entirely through utilization of sacrifice (blood, spirit, etc)(pros: so powerful, limitless potential)(cons: everything else) which is much more ancient and vastly more powerful as it uses innate human magic and connection, but it goes wrong very, very easily - and when it goes wrong it can be disastrous for everyone involved.

child barnaby showed a lot of promise, picked up ritual very easily, and had a lot of innate power that, in theory, could have made them a very formidable force of magic. they had a very troubled witchling mentorship and youth though that lead to a spectacular, extreme, violent kind of gifted kid burnout that has left him a severely depressed, deeply paranoid, jaded adult. he has tried to get out of magic studies altogether several times but has failed consistently, and his knowledge and experience has granted them a level of expertise not many others have that's useful to a lot of people for a variety of reasons - but mostly in investigations into dangerous and forbidden magic.

the first story i would like to tell about them someday is an investigation into a mysterious witch, chimera, whose body has been distorted by magic, who is targeting members of the high council (the local governing body of witches).

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary71

11/21-22/2023

tuesday - wednesday

listening to arab on radar, made cookies, read some julia kristeva.

not as much as i would have liked. her book called black sun, about misery. she says melancholia a lot, but something feels distantly embarrassing about saying that. saying i am melancholic. i am, though. it's so obvious it's painful, which is why it's a bit of an embarrassing word to say. i'm excited for her chapter about beauty, in the book. i want to read more of her stuff, so i dled some pdfs, might check that out tonight. anyway:

today i woke up annoyed, because the thing that got me out of bed was being told about how my friends got confused, because of the one guy in there who i find really frustrating, because he is making my friend depressed, gently, or not gently, but it's not aggressively, i guess. he was like, it's next week right, and other guys were like, is it?? and then they were like, well maybe it should be. my friend's gf was like, well, you should all try to come by tomorrow! which got a lot of them to be like: okay. the only one who seems like a maybe at this point, is the annoying guy. i am still expecting him to show up, though. he is saying he's going to be cooking w/ his family for thursday, but who knows, he's not a good cook, he cooked for us on his birthday (a kindness, certainly (strangely, he talked to me extensively that day, that day only, about how much he wanted everyone to be together always, all the time, and how much pleasure he got from getting everyone together "like this"(lends credence to the idea that he really wants to be the center of whatever group he's in))) and when he cooked he burnt all the meat, overdone, a friend said it was quote unquote dog-food. so i think his family would actually be happy to lose his hands.

i made 31 cookies, 33 technically but i ate 1.5, gf ate the other half (too full).

i'm still looking forward to tomorrow. i'm going to bitch abt the annoying guy with my friend's gf, i'm sure she'd be happy to complain a little, since he tried to fuck her plans up, or not tried, he just kind of almost did, by stumbling in the dark. everyone was like, making me so mad, when they were like, maybe we really should do it next week. it felt like a bunch of men deciding that when women make plans that they aren't central to, they can freely ignore them and decide what would make for better plan-making. one said that it'd be easier to plan if it were next week, but this has been a plan for about a week, already, it feels like at least. maybe less? it's just casual, though. i guess i gave myself something easy to do, with the cookies, compared to other things people might cook.

anyway i want to post some dolls and then sleep:

@_godog_ hijikata haruna

i wonder if her name is her actual name or if a chosen name based on tatsumi hijikata, the butoh dancer/ pioneer. it would fit, aesthetically, the dolls are right on the edge of corpselike, i would like to put special attention to the recent works with dolls that have these nacre eyes. they're so dead, and so like cataracts, but still intone something beyond or before death, not lifeless, just beside the void. it gives voice to the experience/ thought that one speaks it, or is a vessel for that nothing to pass through, a perfection written with lightness, i also quite like what must be the earlier dolls with extremely off kilter / askew eyes, also near death, but also near the to the erotic experience, also dissociative, distant, it reminds me of being places and doing things i didn't like but also had no way to imagine excusing myself from, so i was just like, okay.

also, all the hands, they are between searching and articulating pain. arthritic and curious. (and the toes on the one with exposed feet, really special detail work across all the digits)

either way, they are really beautiful to me, i quite love her work.

~

freak's circus

some of these skew a bit too trevor brown for me to want to post here (unfortunately i like some of his stuff, because i guess i look at it and have the stupid, wow, girl with surgery equipment looking crazy, i love that, response (he is so clearly a gross perv but i guess i excuse it in certain artists and not others (that's fine though because i don't think i'm ever excusing pedophilia like i feel like i'd have to w/ trevor brown (i don't think these dolls are pedophilic, though, so)))) anyways, i'm shocked i never saw or heard of these dolls anywhere, they're quite cute, and pretty. they just kind of lean on the whole creepy cute thing (all these dolls do) but these ones are much more willingly the kind of creepy cute pop art that can either become very bad or be very good, i'm fond of it. it's like so near bad taste it's kind of lovely/intoxicating, like the weird amputee dolls, it's an externalization of a cluster of feelings or ways you can feel like you are seen in such aggressive manner, i guess if you are one to read it that way, it's compelling no matter what. another reason i guess i'm so stricken by it, is the tension between perfection/the pristine, wanting terrible things to happen, and real malady, subtle bruising, illness, wanting to be tortured, being tortured actually, and needing to be beautiful, and that impossibility, all projected onto a toy, also remains compelling for me, in particular the conjoined twin dolls connect. the fish stomach one is simply very stunning to me, really really beautiful, and also silly and simple, it's stepping the line of good taste in certain ways, it does not have any restraint, none of these do, all excess all the time, everything at full volume, subtlety isn't absent, it's revived from a corpse though, killed and brought back by all the noise, it exists in the (dis)harmonies and nested thoughts happening as you are blasted by that image, sneaking many things in, dirty fantasies and the worry over the fantasies all the same.

ofc the mari shimizu feeling thing w/ the anatomical venus belly cutout w/ something religious feeling placed inside instead of organs (the sacred is the bodily??? gaspppp) is cute. i can't tell if it bothers me when anyone but her does that. i'm in favor, i suppose, because it is such a pretty/cute idea, to me.

~

@sekisyoku_metro

these ones really caught my eye, as where the last creator leans very hard into the kitsch/pop art area, and the first feels so heavenly almost, corpses stuck in a threeway of transcending, rotting, and still living, returning to themselves, or having never left, these really are the most corpselike and grotesque without being actually ugly. the first doll here, has a stomach as rough as the moon, it resembles io to me, the body is the color of a corpse left in a sulfuric lake, the face is that of an angry god. the noh mask features are quite insane, these dolls are maybe the most physical i've seen, or they immediately strike me as physical, heavy. the one missing her arm, she is less impersonable in her face, but she still remains strange, uncanny. i also quite love the desaturated pink ribbon as a mote of viscera. somehow more effective than anything grosser, it feels, it gives a sensation in my arms, of the tendons quieting after an execution.

~

anyhow, uhh, what else did i do, today. i tried redoing vox for another song, i think it's almost there, need to go back in and do a couple lines probably, i want some parts that are like girlier sounding i guess, no better way to put that. and then find a way to mix the vocals a little better, maybe just low shelf some stuff out. it can be quieter too, listening to arab on radar, it's not like the stuff i want to be like is really like, upfront vocally.

another song i think it'd be good to keep in mind:

i think maybe next super short song i do i should let myself use a synth sound that's really obvious, instead of these guitar thingies, just give myself like, a break, with mixing. i think it'd be easier.. . but who knows. i love to #fuckeverythingup and #dotoomuch (earlier in the blog, when i talk about subtlety revived, life poured into its mouth by noise i was also talking about something i think i do and #lovesomuch)

anyway i have to sleep soon. i get so much more talkative here when i ready anyfuckingthing. it's crazy. i have to make myself do it a bit every day. it made me write a little too. nothing substantial (substantial right now has to be me going in and working on the structure and slotting things together for the story) but doing anything is good. it keeps my mind working.

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!

[cipheress-to-k-pop]

Hello there! Can you write hcs for Tim with a demigodess!reader please? Congrats on your 600 followers btw^^

Tim Drake x Demigoddess!Reader

A/N: Thank you so much! So I’m totally dense about greek myths and stuff and I was gonna make her Thor’s daughter at first but then I forgot about that I did Hades but when I remembered it was already written so oh well

You were the daughter of Hades and Persephone

You had kind of a weird childhood

Don’t get me wrong, it was a great childhood

Being princess of the underworld and the daughter of the only sane people in all of Olympus had its perks

But compared to everyone else, it was weird

Hades was extremely protective of you because you were a mortal

Meaning that you could die

The thought of having to greet your soul when you died filled him with so much grief

So, he kept you sheltered, kept you safe

Never letting you lift a finger

As princess you had everything you ever needed and everything your heart desired

Since birth you had been trained by Athena and Aries under your father’s watchful eyes

When you were 16 and you finally wanted to see the rest of the world, you begged your parents to let you go to the mortal world

It took months of begging and when they said no, you’d get so upset that all the flowers in the underworld would wither

Persephone seeing how much you wanted to see the world

So, she convinces Hades to let you go

And he agrees but just as long as you promise to visit

You go to the human world and you’re so oblivious about human life that it’s concerning

Walking around in a floor length dress wondering why everyone else wasn’t dressed the same way

This is how you meet Diana Prince

She recognizes you immediately when you arrive at the Smithsonian, looking mildly confused

Your eyes light up when you see a familiar face

You stay with her for a couple of days before she decides that you’d be better off at the cave

That’s exactly what happens

Even though you whine a little and say you want to stay with her

She just knows it’s because you’re nervous about being in a new place

You know that if you were in any real danger your parents would inflict rage on the mortal world

Feeling mildly comforted at the idea

Diana doesn’t tell them to add you to the group

She just tells them that you need a place to stay and someone to help you find your way around

The first people you meet are Batman, Nightwing and Robin

Immediately being comforted just by looking at them

Batman reminded you of your dad and Nightwing of your mom

And Diana trusted them so you did too

You end up following Tim and Dick around for the next couple of days like a lost puppy

Dick finds it amusing

Tim is kinda unsettled but thinks you’re stupid for some reason

It isn’t until he actually talks to you, he realizes you’re much more profound than he gave you credit for

You don’t officially join the team

You just live there

Everyone thinks that you have no training whatsoever

And that you’re just a princess

Which you technically are but

Until you’re watching them train one day and then remember the days you would spar with Athena

It looked like so much fun

Immediately you wanted to join in

Some of them rolled their eyes and thought you were wasting their time

The others were happy to let you join in

They wanted to make Bart spar you but you looked around contemplatively before pointing at Tim

“If it is alright with you, I wish for you to be my partner.”

Tim blushing because what you said sounded like you were choosing him as a life partner, rather than sparring partner

Of course, Bart teases him for it as well as the others

When Tim walks up to the middle, Dick subtlety tells him to take it easy on you and he nods

The match is over before he can even make a move

You had the speed and strength of a god, it wasn’t a surprise

Not to you at least

To everyone else, kind of a huge surprise

Standing over him and giggling

“I want a rematch.”

“But of course.”

Spending the rest of the day sparring with him

He doesn’t beat you even once

And the others just watch you throw him around for an afternoon

After a while it stops being funny and Nightwing is almost concerned

It kind of hurts his pride but you still acknowledge him

“You know, for a human, you’re very skilled.”

“Uh, thank you?”

After that you go through the other members quite quickly

Some of them gave you a little trouble, like Conner

But you managed to be undefeated

They all think you should join the team after that and you agree

Spending more time with Tim that way

Always talking to him about your family’s history and stuff

Telling him all about your parents love story when he asked to hear about it

You talk so fondly of it and he’s honestly just kind of shocked that Greek Mythology isn’t mythology

I mean, he knew it was real because of Diana

But he never really understood how real these gods were

He falls for you

He loves the way your eyes light up and you smile at him

He loves the way you’re always eager to learn

He loves that you’re so kind and gentle but can also beat people up without even trying

He asks you out but it didn’t go as well as he was hoping

“Do you want to go out with me?”

“Yes, a walk sounds lovely.”

“(Y/N), I like you.”

“Aw that’s so sweet Tim, I like you too, friend.”

Everyone else starts enjoying the way he crashes and burns all the time

And Tim would stop asking usually

But he knows it in his bones that you like him too

But he has no other way to tell you aside from marching up to you and kissing you

Makes that Plan B tho

Plan A is getting you a bouquet of your favourite flowers and telling you that he likes you

Romantically

Not platonically

You grin widely and tell him you like him too

Kissing you just as the sun set that day

It’s one of your favourite memories

His too

Everyone being extremely happy and supporting of your relationship

You can tell Batman is trying to threaten you

But your father is god of the underworld and you have a three headed dog

So, when you and Tim are caught kissing in some hidden crevice in the cave by him and he tries telling you off, you can’t help you smile adorably

“Don’t worry Batman, I have no intention of dishonouring your son.”

Batman is like ???

And Tim is either like “Please don’t speak like we’re in the 1800s.”

or “Please dishonour me.”

He buys you pomegranates as a joke but then you prank him saying that if he eats them, he has to return to the underworld with you

Dick (Nightwing) approves

You like falling asleep in his arms so more often than not you plead with him to stay at the cave and sleep with you

He knows relationships in Olympus generally move a lot quicker so he ends up having to sit you down and explain everything to you so you know his boundaries

Totally accepting them and never going farther than he wants

You appreciate the small things

Like sitting in his lap and eating breakfast

Or being the small spoon

You become the team’s resident couple

Being part of a team, a family is honestly so much fun

Everyone thinking your invincible and practically indestructible

Until one day you’re hurt on the battlefield

Everyone freaking out and getting you back to the cave so you could be treated

The next morning, Tim goes to check up on you and finds something shocking

He’s not sure what to be more surprised by

Cerberus napping at the foot of your bed

Or you crying

Even though the giant, three-headed dog freaks him out, he still sits beside you and asks what’s wrong

“My father demands that I return home. He cannot stand the thought of me being hurt.”

His heart stops

He likes you so much, even bordering on love

And he doesn’t want you to leave

But who was he to stop the God of the Underworld?

Comforting you when you cried, hugging you tightly

“Shh it’s gonna be okay.”

You return home after that and it breaks Tim’s heart

You don’t officially break up but it’s kind of implied because you can never return back to the mortal world

Him being depressed for the next few months but he hides it well

Even though everyone knows how he’s feeling

Things aren’t any better on your end

Your heart aches with every second your away from him

Until one day it happens

Your soul wants to be with Tim

So, it tries to leave your body

You have a heart attack that night and nearly die and it horrifies Hades

He goes all the way to the mortal world to find Tim

Tim doesn’t quite understand how you could have a heart attack from missing him

But is still worried and agrees to go to the Underworld to see you

When he gets there, you’re in so much pain

But once he brings you into his arms you feel sated

When he kisses you, everything fades into a dull ache

Hades wants Tim to stay in the Underworld after that but you argue and tell him to go back to the land of the living

This wasn’t the place for him

“I’ll give up on you, I promise, but you can’t stay here any longer my love.”

“I don’t want to leave your side.”

“I’m sorry, but you know we can’t be.”

Tim goes the next morning and it breaks your heart but you know that it’s for the best

You spend the next few weeks in such sorrow that all of Persephone’s plants die

Hades and Persephone both see how much you love Tim and they are reminded of themselves when they were younger

Making a joint decision to let you go back to the mortal world

But you have to live a long life

That’s the one condition

You running into the cave and crashing into Tim’s arms

Kissing him there and feeling everything go right in the world

You fulfil your parents wish

And live a long, happy life by Tim’s side

Forever Taglist:

@simonsbluee

DC Taglist:

@emmacata

@p--e--a--c--h--e--s

@sometimeseverythingsucks

@sokkas-honour

@unstable1902

@lostgirlheart

[amethystpath-writes]

A Lesson Learned

(NOT A PROMPT)

Hello :) Could you write a piece where the extremely flirtatious villain notices that the hero isn’t taking care of themselves and tries to get them to and promises not to do anything (capture them, etc), but (surprise!) then they do? Haha sorry if it’s a bit specific, adore your writing!

******

“Why, doll,” Villain cooed from behind the bench which Hero sat upon. The bench was old, wood in the process of rotting. Speaking of rot- Villain rounded the park bench, coming face to face with that once-handsome, now-perished face. “Don’t you just look like you sprang from Hell? Yeesh.”

Hero shrugged, not even caring that Villain was here to taunt him yet again- to pick at him with compliments. Usually, anyways. Now, she was insulting him. Did he really look that out of it? Hero felt like it, so it shouldn’t have been so surprising to him. “Don’t feel great- get out of here.”

“And do what? I’d miss the grumble in your voice too much. Come now, my dear, tell me what has that pretty hair of yours so tangled.” Villain’s hand grazed the locks atop Hero’s head, fingers skimming his scalp. She hummed her delight. “How pretty,” Villain whispered into Hero’s ear. “Even if it is greasy.”

“Look, I’m really not in the mood for this.”

Good God, what is that stench? Villain could gag- not could; Villain did gag on the smell. “When was the last time you showered, sugar?” Hero certainly didn’t smell like sugar, but it was in Villain’s nature to shoot a flirt at him anyways.

“Don’t know. Would you get your hand out of my hair?”

“You don’t know?” Villain sighed, dropping her hand and rounding the bench until she came to the front, facing Hero and his abnormally large eye sacks. “Oh, darling…” you have jellyfish beneath your eyes. “You should take better care of yourself. I could help you, you know?”

Hero’s eyes grew as wide as they could with eyelids made of lead. “Help me do what? Bathe?”

“Well, I certainly wouldn’t mind helping you do that- think of how close we would be, my sweet doll.” She sat beside the broken-beyond-repair hero, dragging a fingertip along his dirtied pants. Villain sighed, slightly bored of this game of chess. Her flirtations were slipping away like a wet bar of soap. What an ironic comparison.

Villain said, “What I meant is this; I’ll give your handsomeness a break- or your ugliness, rather. You need to regain your looks, hence the break.”

Ignoring the insult, Hero said, dead-panned, “And I’m supposed to believe you.” A soft tut.

“Have I given you any reason not to? On this pretty night?”

“Beyond the not-so-subtle insults,” Hero thought aloud, and finished with, “I guess not.”

With a scoff, Villain said, “I wouldn’t call those insults. I could have said much worse- and anyways, you know I’m a tease. I feel even more concerned that you’ve forgotten such a vital detail about me. More reason to leave you alone. Right, my love?”

“I still don’t know if I believe you.”

“Why would it matter what I did or didn’t do when you don’t even care to look after yourself?”

She makes a good point. Still… “What would you do then?” Hero didn’t particularly care to have this conversation right now, but- well, he was a hero. Even if he were too exhausted to take care of himself, it was still his responsibility to protect the people. Just because Villain was saying she’d leave Hero alone didn’t mean she’d leave the citizens alone.

“What would I do? Sulk, mostly. I’d miss your pretty little face while I sat alone on my couch.”

“Right. Because I always sit on a couch with you.”

“There’s a taste of that precious fire. You’re beautiful when you’re sarcastic- and healthy.”

Hero sighed. It didn’t matter what he said, did it? He could tell Villain she looked like a horse’s rear-end mixed with a jackal’s paw and she’d continue sticking around. “You said you’d give me a break.” Of course, Hero still didn’t believe Villain’s words. It was her one and only nature to torment him with pointless compliments- and harmful insults apparently.

As if I didn’t already know I look like crap. I’m tired; that’s all. No motivation to do anything but sit on the park bench. He didn’t even feel like getting up to stretch his legs, despite knowing it needed to be done. Hero would rather deal with the aches of standing than to be forced into using so much energy while sitting. How draining it was- standing up from his position now. That’s why he stayed put, even with Villain’s hand circling in his hair once again.

This time, the hand in Hero’s hair was actually soothing. The tender scrape of Villain’s nails against his scalp. The gentle pull through the hair as her fingers caught on tangles, though the larger knots were a tad painful. Hero hummed his delight at the two former feelings, finding himself leaning into the arm which offered such relief.

On a regular day, one not so adorned with absent motivation and sourness, Hero would have slapped Villain’s hand away- would have told her to go find a dog in the park to pet. Naturally, he would have regretted saying it, thinking that Villain might claw its eyes out instead of petting it. Okay, maybe she wouldn’t do something that serious, but she might have stepped on a puppy’s tail, making it screech- if only to horrify the owner.

“Isn’t this a nice break, sugar?” Villain asked, but, of course, there was more to it than this scalp massage. When Hero fell asleep, with his head on Villain’s shoulder, she would give herself a break- not him.

******

Eyes still closed from having just woken up, Hero pulled his shoulder back against the hard- hard? I thought I was in- His eyes cracked open.

White ceiling. Or, mostly white, at least. There was some water damage that Hero could see even through his blurry and freshly woken eyes. The yellow and orange stains did not belong on his ceiling.

He shifted slightly, body still stiff, but he wasn’t willing to stretch yet- just in case there was…a certain someone…paying attention. Damn Villain, Hero thought, because who else’s home could he be in if it weren’t his own?

It was with this thought in mind that Hero sat up. No use in lounging around. Better off to find a way out before Villain-

“Nice to see those starlit eyes of yours.”

Great. Turning his head, he saw Villain casually sprawled across a couch.

Well, one thing was for certain; Hero had the motivation to get up and run again. At least he could thank Villain for something, even if it were simply the desire to escape.

Sitting up, slowly and stiffly, Hero said, “A break. You were supposed to give me a break. It’s what you said, what you told me you’d do. You would give me a break to take care of myself and you would sulk.”

He could almost imagine Villain’s voice answering with an easy lull, ‘I didn’t say what the break would entail, love.’ Love. Darling. Doll. My dear. Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting.

“I gave you a break. Two of them, if we’re being technical. The massage and the shelter. Actually,” Villain smiled at him from her couch cushion, eyes closing just slightly as her cheeks gathered higher and higher. “I might call it liberation- instead of a break. Infinite freedom versus periods of mass depression and showerless nights.”

Hero felt his jaw tick. “What are you talking about?” he asked, voice low- just the way Villain liked.

He wasn’t helping his case any, now, was he? Being all cutesy. It only allowed Villain to enjoy this whole situation more.

“You wake up in your stalker’s home and don’t even think to check your body for modifications? What a pity you are sometimes,” Villain giggled. She meant it as a compliment; it was her way of calling the hero cute and favourable.

Stalker. Well, Villain might as well have been considered as such. She showed up just about everywhere Hero was, only to hold hostages for no other reason than to have control over someone, to hear the fear in their high whines- and to see the fear glistening low in their eyes. Villain was wicked, and she was wicked always in Hero’s presence. Stalker- maybe that’s what the news would start calling her if they, or Hero, ever managed to stop Villain.

Villain grew impatient with Hero’s procrastination of observation. “Explore yourself, won’t you?”

And Hero did now. He looked down his arms, torso, legs, anything that was in his perspective, but there was nothing out of the ordinary, except- “Do not tell me you actually washed me.” His arms were speck and dead-skin cleaned.

“A wet rag against your arms and legs, nothing else.”

Hero simply took her word for it, trying not to imagine how he’d feel if she were lying. How horrendous.

Then what is it? Nothing- absolutely nothing- was irregular, so why was Villain going on about…Hero’s fingers skimmed something along his neck- one of the few things he couldn’t see with his own eyes.

No…no. Not just along his neck. There was something inside of Hero’s neck. “What did you do to me?” His voice came out as a horrifyingly quiet whisper, one that squeaked in the back of his throat.

“You wouldn’t take care of yourself, Hero. I had to step in.”

“I don’t- no. No. Whatever you’re doing, you- you need to- I need to go home. I need you to stay away from me and I need- I need-” Oh no. Was he hyperventilating? He couldn’t- God, he couldn’t breathe. Hero was panicking, scratching at his neck, at the irregular shaped lumps. Get out. Get. Out. Getout. Getout. Getoutgetoutgetoutgetout.

A gasp sounded in the room as Hero’s head hit the ground, trying to dodge the zap that occurred at the front of his throat, right where he was scratching so madly.

“Well, I guess that’s a lesson learned rather quickly. Darling, you didn’t even know what those were, and yet you were trying to rip them out. It might have killed you.”

“Uhah.”

Villain quirked her head to the side. “Didn’t get that, sorry. Must have fried your vocal cords- better that than you build up a bunch of infectious bacteria.” Truth be told, the zap wasn’t so bad that it would permanently damage Hero- only give him little tics and make him fret.

“You’ll be so very happy that I took that rag over your skin- otherwise you’d have woken up to your own stench while I was injecting the little stun rods. That would have been difficult,” Villain laughed, legs extending until they laid on the arm of the couch.

“Now,” Villain piped, “there is an outfit laid out in the bathroom- down this hall here”- she pointed- “and second door to the right. Get a shower, bath, whatever you want, and get dressed. I have plans and I’m not leaving you here alone.”

Swerving her legs over the arm- despite having just put them there- Villain planted her feet on the ground and placed her elbows near her knees, leaning forward, all amount of humour aside. “I’m the only one who gets to torment you, you hear me? Not even you have my permission to do harm to yourself or otherwise slack in personal healthcare. If you are in any kind of bad condition, it will be because I allowed it. M’kay?”

She stood, walked several paces to where Hero still sat on the floor and patted his cheek. “I’m making myself food before we leave and while you take a shower. Don’t disappoint me by trying to escape, my dove. You’re in my cage now.” Villain gave Hero a tap on the head as she pulled a remote control out of her pocket with her other hand. For extra measure, she held one of the buttons for three seconds, sending Hero onto his back once again, writhing on the floor- though avoiding scratching his neck.

A lesson learned indeed.

“Believe it or not, I do intend to be kind to you. I just wanted to show you what happens if you decide you’re not worth taking care of again.”

One last click of the button and she was gone, leaving a panting hero behind in the dust.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

I mean in Leonardo's route he mentions Comte used to be a smoker! AND, it's heavily implied Comte used to be a wild child so!

Comte spoilers below, please don’t open if you’d prefer to wait to find out! I know I’m 100% feral for Comte but I don’t want to diminish anyone else’s experience~

Yes, there are indications that he once engaged in smoking, and was implied to be even worse than Leonardo (a chainsmoker of epic proportions, so to speak). As for whether or not Comte was a wild child, I have no way to confirm that with the current information that Cybird has provided, but there are heavy allusions to him going off the rails (at least for a vampire of noble blood). There are several mentions–if I recall correctly he states it himself–that he’s been running from his legacy for a very long time, and only recently settled down and took up the full weight of his aristocratic title. Unfortunately we don’t know much more than that. But I wouldn’t be surprised, he wandered quite a bit around Europe before turning the men of the mansion. In the few glimpses into his backstory we receive there is also plenty of fuel for a so-called teenage or adolescent vampire rebellious phase. Both he and Leonardo have a profound compassion for other people/creatures, and vehemently reject the social hierarchy/power dynamics that other purebloods seem to want to enforce. 

Among the few scenes I have seen that can testify to his more wild behavior is an event that is likely headed to the english app very soon. There was a story event that featured the suitors–as a pair–enjoying a drink and often reminiscing about the past. Comte and Leonardo are seated at a bar, and they’re drinking their own weight in alcohol and bewildering nearby patrons. Leonardo asks if Comte remembers when it was that they became good friends, and Comte is all “I have no idea what you’re talking abt MORE BOURBON.” Spoilers: he likely knows, or at least has an inkling, and doesn’t want to remember his own punk ass going feral. Anywho, Leonardo goes into it anyway, and describes a situation in which he and Comte attended some kind of social event. Upon exiting the venue, they see/hear a young woman being assaulted in an alley by several men. Now, Leonardo is already cracking his knuckles, excited to unleash a can of whoop ass–but Comte actually beats him to it. He goes stone cold and starts knocking out the people hurting her, asking them how they like being on the receiving end of violence. He then gingerly lifts the young lady and asks Leonardo to get the carriage, since it’s raining out and he would hate for her to catch a cold. This is the moment in which Leonardo learns that–for all of Comte’s adherence to his noble title’s customs–all of that ceases to matter when somebody is in need of his help. And that’s why they became friends; because all of Comte’s money, all of his prestige and social recognition doesn’t mean shit to him. He would give it up in seconds if it meant doing the right thing. His principles and his convictions outweigh any of his perceived materiality, no matter how he conducts himself or seems to others.

One of the greater issues Comte seems to struggle with–and could very possibly have been the reason he distanced himself from his own family–is the way that vampires drop humans like flies. Even if they aren’t engaging in a predatory relationship, in some ways humans are deemed expendable regardless. He had the privilege of being born into a family that treats human beings with respect and perhaps even affection, but every single one of his teachers, caretakers, and the servants in the house he grew up with were fired long before he became an adult. But he was just old enough to understand why they left, and it crushed him. Getting too close was deemed dangerous, for both parties; it would hurt the purebloods more to leave somebody they were attached too, and the humans in their employ would grow suspicious/fearful, perhaps even violent, if they noticed that they didn’t age. But like Leonardo, Comte loves the company of all kinds of people, and to be forced to cut ties for the sake of his own emotional and physical health was shattering for him (death is impossible as far as we know, but that doesn’t make vampires impervious to pain).

I think he spent a very long time rejecting that mindset, until he started to live life on his own and saw how difficult it was. To love people fully, and watch their lives end what felt like hours later. Over and over and over again. Four hundred years is a long time to love and lose people, and while it can be easy to believe that all grieving really requires is letting go, such a thing is much easier said than done. Leonardo wrestles with it just as much as Comte does; the only reason Comte fairs a little better is because he exercises considerable restraint. He’s been burned before, and he’s edging the flames more carefully now. Even so, we see several moments in which this self-control collapses; he will never stand in the way of MC’s happiness with someone else–but the attraction is always simmering beneath the surface, never fully realized. Literally the entire crux of his own route is that he’s trying, trying desperately not to just move where is heart is taking him, but failing anyway because MC has the courage to meet him halfway–wants to meet him halfway, despite their differences. 

One of the hardest things Comte is probably forced to contend with is that, no matter how vehemently he feels that his family was wrong, life proves that in some regards they were right. It is extremely difficult to engage in the kind of life they live without a modicum of self-restraint, or at the very some kind of healthy grieving process. Eternity isn’t going to wait for them to feel better, life isn’t going to stop taking the people they love just because they were born under different circumstances, or are another species altogether. Life doesn’t have any mercy, in that regard, and so they must be merciful and understanding with themselves. In the course of his lifetime he’s forgotten how to be gentle with himself, and he’s forgotten how to look forward to each day to come. For better or worse, his answer to the pain of forever was to shut himself down as swiftly and powerfully as he could to stop the growing whirpool of poorly resolved grief, or perhaps better described as melancholia. He was able to survive the first downspiral, but that doesn’t mean he’s confident he’ll survive another. And survival doesn’t necessarily entail living well, it means doing what you must to forge on–no matter how much it hurts.

(I will say that I can clarify what I mean by the specific term melancholia, because I don’t mean it in the colloquial sense. But I’ll give the disclaimer here for the sake of sparing everyone a technical argument they might not care about lol keep reading after the dashes for the conclusion)

—

Essentially, Freud contends that people process grief in two distinct ways, as I will loosely summarize. Mourning is the reaction to some kind of loss (whether a person, a concept, an opportunity, etc.) that inspires a short-term level of discomfort and unhappiness. Most people heal on their own over time, and it’s something that most people have experienced before. Melancholia, on the other hand, is more or less mourning that has never ended. It is described as a prolonged state of dejection in which all the color in life has dissolved and left, in which one’s self-regard often diminishes (not usually a side effect of mourning, but specific to melancholia) and they lose their will to go on slowly but surely.

In Comte’s route he literally says that MC eases the void in his heart, makes him look forward to every single day; that “his time” starts moving again. That the reason he reciprocated her feelings at all instead of stifling them was because he just fell into the comfort and joy of her presence, couldn’t help himself in wanting to see and talk to her. He describes her love as an irresistible “magic,” something with the capacity to transfigure the fragments of his experience into a de facto life.

Sound familiar?

—

And that’s the whole point, that’s what we as the player are here to do. We’re supposed to help him find the magic in the little things again, hope for better again. Make it so that when he does open his heart and lets himself feel freely again, anguish isn’t the only thing that finds him. We’re supposed to help him stop living in the hellscape of anxiety that he’s been forcing into silence, a depression so wide and deep it’s a wonder he never went mad. 

So uh, this kind of became ridiculously meta, but that’s why I love Comte? And that’s as much as I know about him, as of now. Hoping for more details in the jpn app in the future! I know I got a little sidetracked, do forgive me–I get really in it when I discuss Comte LOL

[rasp-passion-two]

Hello, sorry if this is annoying but can you explain how Himiko is neurodivirgent, I don't mean to come off as rude or anything, I just don't know much about the topic and am curious? Sorry to cause any trouble.

It’s absolutely not any trouble!! I love talking about how Himiko shows signs of being neurodivergent. It hits close to home specifically since not only is she one of my favorite characters, but I relate to her a lot. Okay, this might be a bit long, so sorry about that lol:

So in case you don’t know exactly what it is, neurodiversity is when mentally your brain is wired differently than normal, or “neurotypical”, peoples brains. Especially with considerably easy functions like socialising, thinking, learning, developing or ageing, and many others. Many disorders can fall under the neurodiversity spectrum. ADHD, BPD, autism spectrum disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, dyslexia, and many others.

Personally, I think Himiko would fall into the category of being autistic, which has a lot going into it, but can be summed up as a developmental disorder that involves delays in communication, thinking, social situations, and basic human understanding.

Though there is a thread on Twitter that does a good job covering certain criterias that I won’t end up covering (her lack of understanding of social cues, development delays, the reason why she’s depressed, etc.) and it’s really good!!

Below, I’ll list the traits that, in my opinion, Himiko possesses that are common in ND people. Not all of them will be listed, just the bigger ones:

Talking in a slow, almost “emotionless” way

Himiko talks a certain way throughout the whole of the game, rarely ever changing even when she’s expressing very strong emotions. From the very first line she speaks, Himiko talks about something exciting to her, but still sounds very flat and unenthused. Most ND people will always speak in the same tone of voice no matter what. Sometimes, it's very flat and monotone, like Himikos. Sometimes they'll speak slowly either to gather together what they want to say next, or that's just how they were wired to speak. (Almost exactly like Jataro from DR:AE who speaks in a similar way. Who also has a few neurodivergent traits. But that's just a theory c:)

Childish behavior

This usually ranges, but Himiko has a few traits that neurodivergent people have that others consider “too childish”. She’s extremely naive in how she perceives the world, people around her, and their intentions with interacting with her. Like when Kaito asked her to bring her a crossbow of all things and it takes little for her to be convinced to assist him. Or when Kokichi makes fun of her, and she doesn't always gets it. She's sometimes able to understand, but mostly she doesn't understand that he's just taking advantage of her innocence to treat her how he does with others. She takes things everyone says at face value and believes them easily. Her peers consider her to be a bit slow in many areas, almost in a childlike way. She almost has a child-level understanding of vocabulary (i.e. pronounces words the way children do like how the way she says magic almost sounds like “myagic”, her vocabulary is pretty limited, and she usually starts using certain words that she hears others use). When having her Master brought up with the possibility that he left her selfishly and that she was better than him, she always denies it, keeping an innocent mentality so she won’t feel too bad. After being motivated to move forward, she’s seen a lot to want to be helpful to the group and do something useful, and in return they, in my opinion, view that behavior how older people view a child wanting to be helpful to them. The thread above goes more into detail (her bathroom issues, having a unique way of remembering and referring to objects), but these are only some of the examples for Himiko's maturity.

Being a “gifted child” when she was young

This is entirely my speculation since this is never addressed in canon, but Himiko strikes me as a former “gifted child” which most NDs go through. Her “gift” was discovered at a young age and she was really skilled at it. She was known for it by huge masses of people and praised for it. She even had to save the person who saw the talent in her and taught her everything she knows about it when he made a mistake. She gets invited to all types of events because of it. Lot’s of ND kids who were thought of as “gifted'' may have gone through the same thing. It would also explain why she’s so depressed and unmotivated through most of the game, as a result of what’s called “gifted child syndrome”. Having so much praise and expectations set on her so young. Getting older and not having the same energy for it as you had before. Technically all the DR kids are former gifted children, since they're the product of a company exploiting their "gifts", which is a factor in how the world ended in the way it was. But Himiko has more, you could say "traditional" symptoms and after-effects of growing up as a gifted child (depressed, lack of motivation, lack of motivation in her subject, etc.).

Being viewed as lazy

Even though she takes what she's passionate about seriously, less than when she was younger or not, Himiko doesn't always take action with magic, and even everyday tasks. ND people usually lack any sort of drive, sometimes having an “I’ll come back to it later” mentality, excited about it or not. Himiko lacks any drive and motivation throughout the game, even at the idea of being killed, or put in the line of suspicion for someone's killer. She’ll always make excuses on why she can’t act on things, the most common being “she doesn’t have enough MP”. Which goes back to her talent as a magician, which she is especially sluggish in.

Bottling in her emotions and not wanting them to show. But when she does, it results in an on-going meltdown

We all saw it in its prime during the end of the third trial after all, right? Himiko was sort of always closed in, but it wasn't extreme since she hadn't hit her lowest yet. When she did though, (being the prime suspect of Ryoma dying, her closest friends Tenko and Angie dying, being one of the suspects of one of their murders, etc.) She still attempted to hold it all in, which ND people do for a variety of reasons (not knowing how to process extreme emotions, not wanting too much attention by expressing them, or choosing unhealthy ways to process your feelings, amongst others). But once Kokichi called her out for the second time? Not only was everything practically gushing out of her face, but she literally passed out from crying for so long. I don't know whether to laugh or cry at that myself, ha. 

The same thing happened in the last trial kind of. Once the truth of the killing game and their identities is revealed, she seems to have a meltdown. It could be from the overwhelmingness of the situation. It could be the amount of "change" of the situation, which she doesn't even remember. It could also be overstimulating tones with the change in environment, the info dumping, and how everyone jumped from topic to topic etc. Meltdowns are normal for ND people, especially since they usually hold in their feelings. Himiko got better at expressing herself, but meltdowns will still happen once something overwhelming occurs (it's a great way to let out steam!!)

Stimming

Stimming is when someone, ND or not, self-stimulates themselves by repeatedly moving in some way either by speaking, moving either themselves or something else, or watching someone else do it. Most of the time, you can see Himiko fidgeting with her fingers or with her hat. Doing something with her hands, which is a form of stimming

Despite that, Himiko most noticeably stims by speaking, as she sometimes repeats stuff others say, sometimes repeats a word in order to comfort herself and her beliefs (saying “it’s magic” over and over, either in retaliation or in general), and has a go-to word that she’ll always use almost every sentence when she doesn’t know what to say, is caught off guard/by surprise, or just when she starts and ends her sentences (y’know like, “nyeh”?).

“Odd” facial features/expressions

This one presents itself a lot in the game and through her design as well. Her lip stays tucked out all the time, her eyes don’t always stay open, and her face often keeps the same expression (tired and kind of bored). Just like when she speaks, even when she's expressing intense emotions, she'll keep a mellow expression. She lifts her hat into the air and not much changes expression-wise. She'll be accusatory to someone and not much changes expression-wise. To certain people she interacts with, they think her face is "weird" since it'll pull in ways it usually doesn't for NT people. It could be because she's trying to force the look on herself so it's more easier for people to read (which is shown to be the case for most people), but it's also possible that it's just how she looks. Since she's older, she has more freedom to make more strategies to have more natural expressions, but it's still off-putting to some of her peers.

The infamous saying, “she comes off as annoying”

Many people know this one well, and Himiko is no different, especially in the earlier chapters. Almost everything stated above is a factor that plays in people's disdain for Himiko, in the game and the fandom. Characters like Shuichi, Kaede, Tenko, and even Angie are one of the only few people who try to understand and adjust to Himiko's behavior in their own method, while everyone else either ignores her, doesn’t take her seriously, or even end up bullying her because of it, not willing to adjust themselves for her specific brand of behavior. Being an obvious target, coming off as weird, being too blunt and coming off as rude (which even caused her having strained relationships with K1-B0, Miu, etc.), sometimes hyperfixating too hard on magic (her “special interest”), all seem to be a reason for people thinking she’s too high maintenance.

,,,this ask sure is a month old isn’t it? retrdfyugihhuyt I am EXTREMELY sorry I answered this so late, but I haven’t been online lately because of moving, but at least I managed to finish this in less than a day lol. It’s long, but I love Himiko, and love all the quirks that make her who she is, and am happy to explain it to others!! I hope this answered your questions either way (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

[purplesurveys]

1198

Have you ever bought a YouTuber’s merch?  No. Most of the merch that had been put out when I was still into YouTubers were always underwhelming and overpriced, anyway.

Do you think oatmeal tastes better when made with water or milk?  Eugh, I don’t like oatmeal. Ate it everyday for breakfast as a kid and I just want nothing to do with anymore.

Have you ever left a note in a library book?  No. I’m pretty sure that counted as vandalism or at least under some kind of violation, so I never did anything to my borrowed books beyond reading them.

What time of day do you prefer to wash your hair?  There’s no time of day for me; I just wash it whenever I feel like showering.

Has anyone ever spread lies about you?  Just a couple times when I was in like middle school but it was all very superficial stuff that I never think about.

Have you ever taken a photograph with a celebrity? If so, did it turn out the way you wanted, or do you wish you could retake it?  Nah. I freak out about the idea of meeting celebrities and always turn down or pass up any opportunity I get lmao. I don’t handle nervousness well so I don’t trust myself to be able to behave or speak properly.

If you could move out of your home country permanently, would you? If so, where would you go?  Yeah, anything to get out of this shithole. I’d love to move to Canada.

Is there a celebrity that everyone else seems to love, but you find totally overrated? Why is it that you don’t like them?  Taylor Swift. Her music’s just never fallen under my personal preferences, but I don’t actively hate on her or bash her when there’s been no reason to.

If you could volunteer for any charity, which one would you choose? Do you think it’s more important to help humans, or are animal and environmental charities equally important?  I don’t think acts of charity should be compared. Personally though, I tend to lean towards causes for animals.

Do you prefer holidays where you relax, or actually do things? My family alwaysssssss makes sure our itineraries are absolutely packed when we go on vacations. Seems like a waste of money to travel to a new place just to stay holed up in our hotel room.

Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive?  No, I don’t believe in those to begin with.

Has anybody ever told you that you could be a model? Yeah, usually because of my build. I hate posing and being in front of a camera, though.

Do you use different kinds of moisturizer for different body parts? ie. hand lotion for your hands, face cream for your face. Or do you just use one moisturizer for all body parts?  I don’t use skincare products, though I should probably start because my skin is finally biting me in the ass and giving me breakouts 23 years later lol.

Have you ever felt like you were someone’s rebound? Nope.

Has anybody ever broken up with you over something really pathetic? What was it? Have you ever been dumped in a disrespectful way? (eg. through text, through a friend..)  I wouldn’t say it was over something pathetic. She had her reasons and I respect that. Doesn’t mean I can’t resent her.

Did you have a lot of role models as a kid?  Not really.

Do you feel like anyone looks up to you? Why or why not? I don’t know, but this isn’t a compliment I get a lot either. I don’t actively try to be a role model, so I don’t care about maintaining such an image.

What was the last thing you found offensive? My mom often throws around subtle homophobic remarks in passing. She knows I hate them because I shoot her a glare every time she does it, but for some reason she never learns...

Who is the nicest person you know?  Angela.

Do you feel safe in your country?  In a country where the president is a blatant liar, misogynist, has anger and cursing issues, and enables extrajudicial killings? Safety is a dream here.

Do you feel safe where you live?  Very technically speaking, yeah I do since it’s a gated village so nothing ever happens here.

Have you been falsely diagnosed with something by a bad doctor?  Not necessarily misdiagnosed, but I’m pretty sure I was prescribed the wrong set of medicines for my UTI last year...nothing came out of taking those pills and I felt just as sick (and dead) as I was after a couple of days. The only reason I got better was Angels’s mom is a doctor and gave me the right meds to take, which worked on me within a couple of hours.

Have you ever had a doctor refuse to treat you?  No.

Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game): WarioWare is suuuuuuuch a weird game haha. Doesn’t stop me from enjoying it, though.

Do you know anyone who has been struck by lightning before?  Not that I know of.

Which cartoon character would you want to keep as a pet? Gary from Spongebob.

Do you like marshmallows?  Haaaaaaaate them. I never got used to its weird, sticky texture so I always take them out when they’re included in like drinks and desserts.

What is your favorite flavor of candy cane?  I don’t consume candy canes much. Too sweet.

Have you ever fostered an animal?  Nope.

Do you still take hot showers when it’s hot out?  No, I want the water to be as cold as possible.

When writing $ sign, do you draw one line through the S or two?  I do two, though I rarely have any reason to write down the dollar sign in general.

What animal have you always wanted as a pet but couldn’t have?  We weren’t allowed to have dogs as kids because we “wouldn’t be able to take care of them” – which they were right about, anyway. But we have two now, so it all worked out in the end.

List three people you’ve had crushes on:  Gabie, Andi...and that’s it, really.

Have you ever thrown up from cramps?  No. Fortunately my period cramps have never been that bad, and the only time they can be a headache is if they’re the leg crampjp that sends me waking up in the middle of the night.

List three people you had a hard time forgiving.  I don’t really forgive. If someone fucks up badly enough that I feel the need to cut them off, that’s pretty much it for me.

Who is the most spiritual person you know?  I don’t know.

Would you ever start a vlog?  Sure. I’ve always wanted to try it, but I don’t have a decent vlogging camera and am not invested enough in the venture to spend on one. In general I’m also not comfortable being in front of the camera, as I’ve already shared several times here. Vlogging does look fun though, and I definitely would’ve already given it a shot if only I felt more comfortable.

Are your dreams coming true yet?  Some of the short-term ones, sure.

Do you struggle with depression?  I go through phases of it, but I’ve never been formally diagnosed just because I’ve never booked a trip to the psychiatrist.

Are you haunted by your past?  No

What medical conditions do you have?  Do scoliosis and lactose intolerance count? Those are the main issues I have.

Do you use a Magic Bullet?  Why did I think this was a vibrator...? Anyway, I looked it up and no, I’ve never used one.

What does your apron look like?  I’ve never had to use one regularly.

What are your favorite spicy foods?  Curry, tteokbokki, ramen, samgyeopsal with ssamjang, spicy fried chicken.

Which do you like better: being an adult or being a kid?  Being an adult has a lot more freedom to it even though I have to go through heavier and deeper shit, so it’s still more worth it to me.

Were you excited to be a teenager on your thirteenth birthday?  I was heavily depressed back then, and was for a while, so I didn’t have any feelings about turning 13. I don’t even remember my birthdays up until the 15th.

Did you feel insecure in high school?  In the first half, yeah. But I started opening up more and gaining friends by junior year, so at that point I wasn’t feeling too shy anymore.

Would you ever be friends with someone who was suicidal?  I hate this question that I am simply ignoring it.

Who was the biggest bully in high school?  My school didn’t tolerate bullies so no one ever dared to be one, in the grand scheme of things. But back in kindergarten Kaira used to love targeting me - she was my big bully before she became my friend, lol.

What was your favorite class in high school? History, of course. I personally didn’t like literature but I enjoyed English classes, just because it was easy and was a guaranteed A+ in my report card.

Would you rather have a daughter or a son?  Daughter. 

Have you ever written to an advice columnist? Nope.

Have you ever had a doctor not believe what you told him?  Not really, but I’ve had a doctor be a total asshole towards me before.

If you’re female, would you feel uncomfortable having a male gynecologist?  No.

Do you like Lisa Frank?  No.

What gives you nightmares?  I don’t really get nightmares.

Were you ever hospitalized as a child?  Nope. I was hospitalized one time, and I had been 11 then.

Did you get senior pictures taken?  Yeah, for both high school and college.

What color is your bicycle? The family bike is blue and silver. Not that I could ride it, lol.

Did you ever have to take home a fake baby in health class?  No...is that a practice in other schools? That’s so weird if it was.

Would you rather wear ivory or white on your wedding day? What color will your bridesmaids wear?  White. Ivory can be for the bridesmaids, actually.

Would you rather have a swimming pool or trampoline?  Swimming pool. Trampolines are neat, but I would get bored of them so quickly.

Do you think babies are cute? For the most part yes, the only exception being if I have to be exposed with a baby/toddler that is prone to screech-crying. My patience is an extremely thin line when it comes to children like that lol and I FEEL BAD for feeling like so... but I just can’t deal with harsh sounds like that one.

Do you dream about the future a lot?  I guess I daydream sometimes but it’s nothing obsessive.

Do you think about your past a lot?  I’ll daydream or feel resentful sometimes, depending on what or who I’m thinking about lol. But I don’t stay in the past for too long.

How good are you at living in the moment?  I’m a lot better at it. It’s nice to be in the now.

Have you ever questioned God’s existence?  I did starting when I was 10, and I also disowned my religion by that time.

Vanilla frosting or chocolate? Chocolate foreverrrrr.

What’s your favorite foreign cuisine?  It’s always a three-way tie among Indian, Malaysian, and Thai.

Have you ever moved to another state?  No. We don’t even live in states.

Did you do anything productive today?  Well I had work today, so yeah I’d say I was. I had two meetings and worked on a bunch of spreadsheets and decks, so it was a pretty productive day.

Can you say the alphabet backwards?  Nope.

Do you like flowers?  Sure, but I’m not obsessed. It always feels nice to receive them, though.

Have you ever thought you were gonna die?  Every single time I get catcalled by men I always have the fear that they’d go all the way and drag me away to my death. That’s why I’m usually in shock whenever it happens and I’m never able to retort.

What kind of mood are you in today?  Super relieved because it’s Friday. A bit guilty because I had Starbucks delivered when I had already spent a lot this week, but I keep telling myself I deserve it after working all week haha. I just wanna enjoy my coffee and salmon dill sandwich in peace lmaooooo

What are you craving right now?  This salmon sandwich I ordered, so I’m hella glad I got it.

Is there anyone you would seriously punch right now if you had the chance?  Maybe shove, but not punch.

What is worse, physical or emotional pain?  Physical. My pain tolerance is extremely low, lol.

Have you ever walked in on somebody doing something… questionable? I don’t think I have.

If you were to make videos on YouTube, what would they be of?  I think just doing the trendy games like the Lie Detector game would be fun haha. I wouldn’t take it too seriously.

Posting pictures of yourself in a bathing suit on the internet - ok or not? ...It’s 2021.

Do you typically laugh when somebody falls down?  If it’s a close friend or a relative I’m close with, yeah. Anyone else I would immediately try to help.

What is the most disturbing movie you’ve ever watched?  Eraserhead or Under the Skin, which I didn’t even bother finishing.

Your opinion of Katy Perry, please?  I like her older songs.

If you could say anything to your Mom right now… what would it be?  Stop acting like a brat when you don’t get your way. You’re literally reaching 50.

[prodigiousvisions]

Headcanon/Divergence? [1] (Yosano): Childhood, The Great War, and life after the war.

Initial disclaimer and semi-related note(s)–

So if part of this looks familiar to you, that’s probably because you read it before in its original, rudimentary state. I have quite a few regrets of impulsively deleting my Yosano blog (vivificamortem) tbh due to having an episode, and one of them was not saving the original post of this when I first wrote it. That being said I still think it’s important enough to warrant a rewrite even if I don’t exactly recall the specifics. As this eventually becomes very Fukuzawa and Ranpo orientated/centric, I just want to make it clear this will not apply to your respective muses of these two unless we discuss it. These are considered backstory supplements and characterizations of Yosano and Yosano’s main verse. She does not have mains for Ranpo or Fukuzawa at this time, and I usually... don’t do mains? But for specifics like this, this would probably apply to potential, future mains and warrant mains of these two. If that makes sense. Anyway. This will also include a bunch of new HC details I didn’t have before.

I was going to be mean and not put this under a cut lol but I’ll be merciful since it is extremely thorough and lengthy. 2,300+ words lengthy, and that’s not including this disclaimer. I know I asked people to read this once finished but realistically I cannot ask that in good conscious unless you are genuinely interested/care and actually are into BSD lol. Fleshed out details+conceptualized explanations/characterization below. Content/mention warnings for suicide ideation + attempts, and neglect.

CHILDHOOD

Yosano was an only child. She was not a beloved child, a planned child, nor a wanted child. Her parents would have been inclined to give her away instantly had they not compromised to raise her as a sort of... ‘help’ for the couple’s wagashi shop. It was a regret far before the first sleepless night when she was a baby, but they decided to grin and bear it. Raising Yosano was an arduous task and they made it very clear in how they behaved toward her as she was growing up. Saying that she was simply neglected wouldn’t even begin to describe it. In response to this, as a young girl Yosano developed a loud, brash personality that would more often than not get her in trouble both at school and with her parents. Being punished was never fun, but at least it garnered their attention for a little while before they went back to essentially ignoring her presence. Her adapted personality would not lead to any fruition for her lonely soul at school either, most kids finding her annoying, scary, or would simply view her in scorn for being so outspoken and strange. She began to believe the outlook of her parents: her only use was to be a shopkeep of the family business. The girl debated with herself often what was the worth of life, what was the point to live, if not to live and be frowned down upon at every other moment. Troubled and depressed, Yosano tries her hardest to cope, keeping her chin up but her eyes glued to the floor when in seclusion.

At some point or another Yosano and her parents find out about her ability and the extent of it all. It freaks Yosano out at the start, thinking about how ridiculous it is that someone who contemplated on a daily basis what they truly benefited out of being alive could potentially alter the fate of someone’s life and grant them a second chance. Then for once, she finds worth in herself. It wasn’t something she could actively go and show off of course, but it gave her a purpose. Her dramatized exterior of self-entitlement and loudmouthedness proceeds on of course, but her outlook begins to shift. She has hope. She can do something good for people. And have a (figurative) place doing so. 

This new purpose was an open door opportunity not only for Yosano, but her parents as well. At the first opportunity to do so as they are tired of taking care of this child, they’re quick to send her off, knowing how valuable that ability and its potential was. In this case, it was the military (either catching wind of her ability or deciding to now call on her due to the necessary role in their war strategy) demanding for Yosano to take part personally. It was a ridiculously easy feat to get their permission to send her away. She was technically no longer their responsibility while she was away. Hell, they hoped she would never come back.

She wouldn’t. And that was that. That was the last time she ever saw and would be in contact with her parents.

THE GREAT WAR

It’s worth reminding everyone that Yosano was a child, and the gravity of her new circumstances didn’t quite dawn on her before it was too late. At the start, she was excited to show that she could have worth and be surrounded by people that would appreciate her for what she did. It would be the first time in all of her life that would happen. And it is for these very reasons that she has such strong, genuine, sincere reactions during the chapters/times she is midst the war. While maintaining her semi huffy and self-imposed air, she was also able to allow it to falter a little because for once, she didn’t need to resort to that to be paid attention to. In their initial praise, it did freak her out at first, the foreignness being so strange to her. But she appreciated it, she truly did. (Note: this obviously doesn’t apply to Mori lol.) The unnamed soldier that Yosano interacts with at this time especially strikes a chord with her. His kindness makes her think that maybe if she was fortunate enough, she would have liked to have someone like that as a brother. Maybe someone like that could have stopped the pain she’d endured with her parents. But that was in the past! He was lending her more toward the perspective of hope just as he told her that she was doing for him and the other soldiers. The creation of the butterfly clip, again, freaks her out because she’s unsure how to react to kind gestures. It is the first of its kind– a present, meaningful in its weight and sentiment in a way that she would learn later would continue to influence her life in various, monumental ways. His present interest in poetry is also something that Yosano would find herself enjoying, too. At the time.

Honestly, I really don’t even think it’s worth elaborating on Mori cause. Well. That whole ordeal speaks for itself. His manipulation and obsession grosses her out at its minimum / start and would later be the colossal trigger and collapse of her mental stability and lead to lasting trauma even as an adult. But anyways, back to other details worth note in this timeframe.

The war efforts proceed and we reach the point where things are looking grim and soldiers are getting near fatally injured faster, and coming back in droves. She realizes rather quickly that she bit off more than she can chew; to have to bear witness to these men being on the brink of death and quickly ‘revive’ them like some sort of automated robot would, naturally, mess up anyone. Her haughty behavior drops quickly as she becomes more quiet, tired, horror creeping up her body gradually in the form of slowly raising goosebumps. She’s wondering when the war will be over, and starts to second guess her purpose. Is what she’s doing right? But she’s not hit rock bottom, not yet at least, as the unnamed soldier reassures her the second instance. He relays how her saving him would bring him back to his family. He tells her: “I’m glad that you’re here.” And it makes way for Yosano’s first instance of ever crying in front of someone, feeling an overwhelming amount of gratitude to being seen and the need to trudge forward to protect. Protect those who had a life to return to. He’d been living proof of the importance of life– that life wasn’t always so cruel to others, that she had a chance to be surrounded by those who cared about her too. She cries in her vulnerability.

Things turn for the worst. Every day is a living nightmare. She can wipe away blood from her body, others’ body, but she will never be clean of the endless pools of blood that stained her hands after her treatments. Even at the age of 11, she comes to the realization that she is the single force that shackles all these people to the torture of having to throw themselves into battle again and again for futile efforts. She’s on the brink of a nervous breakdown constantly, but consoles herself with the thought that the unnamed soldier will be able to tell her it’s alright, maybe even help her figure out a way to get them all out of there. Yosano doesn’t want her ability, hell, she’d opt to having no purpose over this. She would trade her life for all of these people. She just needed this to stop. It’s all her fault. 

The person who was the embodiment of her last shred of sanity and piece of hope commits suicide and dubs her the Angel of Death, and that was her final breaking point. The sliver of belief that providing good for people and having a purpose is ultimately gone. Her worldview that she started to have hope for shatters. It was a cumulative, gradual raise of hope for a better life to have it all smashed to the ground. This tied in with the actual events she lived through, clearly, do not help. Trauma blocks it out of her memory later on, but there are plentiful, deliberate suicide attempts from the young girl afterward, wanting out of this hell that her own hands allowed to bear fruit, but for various circumstances and reasons, her attempts would not work and/or she would simply not be allowed to die at Mori’s hands. She is a hysterical, screaming, crying mess until she is no longer able to cry anymore. If not suicide, then alternative methods. Yosano would attempt to blow the ship up with the explosives that were stored at the bottom – it would have been a far crueler end than prolonging everyone’s destined death, but ultimately fails at that as well. 

LIFE AFTER THE WAR

She is apprehended and taken away to an institution where she spends three years in a void of a space, living on earth as if her spirit has long been faded. She is a shell of a person, succumbed to her own despair and doing the absolute bare minimum. Humanity only ever makes itself present in jaded eyes that blink sometimes and the agonizingly slow rise and fall of her chest to indicate that somehow, she was breathing. Living, but not alive. Not really, anyway. She may as well be rotting away, unkempt, unpure, and wishing life would simply put her out of her misery. Devoid of any hope, feeling death would be a start of repenting for her crimes. But it was never that easy. Why would it be? 

Ranpo and Fukuzawa rescue her. We all know how that goes. Let’s touch on some details of after that. 

After rescuing her, the duo have Yosano reside with them in Fukuzawa’s apartment. While Ranpo and Fukuzawa managed to recover a glimmer of hope in Yosano by rescuing her alone, the hope is discarded as she feels she is unworthy of it and they essentially are put in a position where they have to rehabilitate her. These two people cared enough about her to try to help her– she can see it, despite going about like a walking corpse some days. But guilt is overbearing, suffocating, and it shakes her down with constant night terrors that she is too drained to scream at as well as frequent moments where she blacks out without prompting. At this time, the butterfly clip she dares not to remove from her person is a reminder, a grim heavy burden she forces herself to carry on her shoulders that she was not a good person and that this was her karma and hers alone. She should not forget that no matter how good intentioned Ranpo and Fukuzawa were to her. There was absolutely at least one more time she attempted to take her life. Needless to say, it’s a painstakingly slow process, taking about a full year before Yosano can even start to really improve outside of talking to them here and there. 

(I feel like this behavior / state is EXTREMELY similar to how Kyouka starts off as, too, so my Yosano would definitely take to Kyouka more strongly than some others. But that is an entirely different conversation for some other time.)

Once she gets to a point where she can process things again and forcing herself to come to terms with the fact that these two will simply not allow her to remain dormant, Ranpo takes to tutoring her to help get her back on track to where she left off in her schooling, as she was getting stable enough to where Fukuzawa had confidence she could get better. This process was also slow, but Ranpo is quite the good teacher when he wants to be! The endeavor is a success, and she is able to enroll again in public school, where she is still piecing together why she was granted this second chance at life. It feels pitifully ironic, all things considered. As time does, it also grants an opportunity for growth and change. Eventually, she gradually shakes her way out of her shell at snail’s pace. Some days were still harder than others, of course. Getting poetry assignments would make Yosano have full on anxiety attacks where the only solutions of getting her to calm down were to have Ranpo or Fukuzawa at her side, or if at school and neither were present, to be sent home. These instances lessened over time, thankfully, and the episodes would turn to bitter, depressing moments where Yosano would tense up and try to pass it off to Ranpo if she was able in a way that while seemed lukewarm in how she expressed it, certainly held its weight of obvious trauma. 

(She never liked to talk about her issues. Never. And instead almost always opted for distractions as her method of coping. It is a major flaw of hers that you can absolutely call her out for even in present time.)

Yosano will never truly return to being 100% normal, but that’s fine, as she really was never at 100% anyway. Schooling in its own right helped her cope with things and served as a distraction from negative thoughts, and she found herself enjoying it and studying harder than ever before. Assisting in the preliminaries of helping around the detective agency also allowed her to grow into the figurative seat that Ranpo saved just for her. No longer did she have to be abrasive to garner people’s attention, either, becoming more comfortable with an occasional snarky tongue when the situation allowed it, and slowly being allowed to live as herself for the first time. It was truly shocking to see that people liked her for her and not the potential of weaponizing the dangerous ability that she had. Once more was her ambition to help people reignited, but it would be done on her own terms. Compelled by her convictions as schooling was coming to a close, she decided that she would go to pursue higher education at a university while formally getting a degree to become a doctor. It is then when she got accepted that her new self would truly shine, becoming as close as she could to be at peace. This endeavor was sped up to lightning fast speeds because of her drilled in skill of being all the more studious and essentially holding the knowledge of what it entailed already.

Not necessarily integral details, but while in university, she did pick up the hobbies of taking up Kickboxing Classes as well as Dance Classes and are longstanding interests of hers that she maintains even after finishing her schooling. These, too, serve(d) as time slot distractions to keep her thoughts at bay when her mind decided to be a little cruel to her at some moments. Poetry no longer leaves a bitter taste in her mouth and is now a newfound interest of hers. She even writes poetry of her own at times. As of present time, her butterfly clip is still a symbol of burden she chooses to carry and a reminder, but it is also representative of metamorphosis, a chance at a new beginning– a new life. That there was value in life, and that you should live on for those who could not.

[normal-thoughts-official]

what are some things you think magnus would do to feel close to his culture/roots? one thing my mother (who is also south east asian) does is speak her local dialect with her siblings, but i imagine the language will have evolved over the years, and he wouldn’t find speakers who speak it in the same way as him (if that makes sense?)

it makes a lot of sense! and i definitely agree. i think about that all the time, how the language magnus (and warlocks in general) was raised in doesn't exist anymore. and in a way he almost envies warlocks who speak now-dead languages (like not really but there's that thought sometimes) because at least they get to keep them as they were? but with magnus he has to see his language slowly become something else, something that isn't his and that he doesn't follow because he's not at the heart of it while it changes, and it's like it slips through his fingers and is stolen away, you know? like obviously language is constantly changing and there's nothing wrong with that, but esp with magnus having little contact with speakers of his mother tongue, he's not even aware of the changes until he says something and ppl look at him weird or straight up don't understand him

and current indonesian has many words that were borrowed from english, dutch, and portuguese (source: im studying it - not because of magnus, i just heard it on a video and thought it was so beautiful and im a slut for languages - and it's easy to tell) because of colonization, so that in particular is probably what hurts the most. seeing his language slowly be morphed by the language of the ppl who claimed his land, killed and oppressed his people, tried to destroy his culture... it really fucking hurts. especially dutch, as it was his stepfather's language

so yeah he doesn't get to use his language to feel close to his culture anymore and let me tell you that really fucking breaks my heart because your language is who you are, it's how you think, it literally shapes your brain physically. even if you're fluent in other languages, it's a part of you. i can't imagine living in a world where brazilian portuguese as i know it no longer exists except for me. even the idea of like, moving to p*rtugal and speaking their portuguese instead hurts me and makes me really uneasy. so like this is such a huge loss and makes him feel even more like he's being stolen away, you know?

okay this is getting too depressing and isn't really what you asked im sorry ifnfifn

as for what i think he does to feel closer to his culture!

food. yes i've said it a thousand times before and ur probably sick to death of hearing it but what can i say, it's true. especially living in the US like disgusting sometimes i hear about the "food" my US american friends eat and im just like damn yall live like this? and not just that but US americans (and most europeans) really don't.... understand and value food in the way that other cultures do. like i think it might be the individualism inherently entrenched into most of their cultures but to me food is love and food is family, its meanings are so deep and they... don't really understand that. so keeping close to his food is important. and with magic he can even get his ingredients exactly as they used to grow there, tasting exactly the same, so he does get to keep his food

flowers. I'll forever be a slut for magnus and jasmines and the hc that they remind him of his mom? i mean jasmines are even indonesia's official national flower and it matters a lot for indonesian cultures as a whole (same source). so the smell of jasmines, growing jasmines, jasmine tea... it makes him feel like he can keep a part of her with him

tea. i know this technically falls into food but i think tea is special for him in a way that i can't really explain (possibly because i don't really like tea. or coffee for that matter which brazilians and latinos as a whole are all sluts for) because it has its own ritual, you know? the way it's made and drank, the way it's served, everything about it is very important culturally. i think it's no coincidence that magnus was drinking tea when he was being plagued by memories of his stepfather. like usually he goes for alcohol when he needs support, so why tea? i think tea provides him a comfort alcohol can't because it makes him feel close to his roots

religion/spirituality. ok admittedly i can't say a lot about this because i never identified with my family's religion and i'm far from being an expert in Hinduism or Islam, which are the two most likely religions for him to have been raised in, so jdndidnd. but since sh lore doesn't exist in Islam and magnus practices magic, Magnus couldn't be a Muslim, so i think this would be specific for the case of him being Hindu, or having an indigenous javanese religion, according to my muslim friends

but like. religious practices are definitely important community builders and carry super important cultural meanings. so i think this is another way. i know that i have quite a few hindu friends and followers, so if any of y'all want to add into this with more detail, i'd be delighted, and you're definitely all invited to weight in.

another important detail is that if magnus is hindu that adds even more layers to his relationship with flowers, as they are extremely important, especially for indonesian/balinese hindu people

music! again magic helps because with memory magic he can literally bring the sounds of the music he was raised listening to back to life, but like, traditional music styles always live on. so i think singing songs from his childhood definitely helps as well. actually, well, i think art in general falls here

obviously, visiting, since java and its culture are far from dead. it's changed, yes, and i think in that sense it's bittersweet, but there's a lot about it that still feels like home to him, not to mention indonesia still has quite a few traditional communities (although, from what i've seen, most of those are in bali, not java, and with magnus having been raised specifically in jakarta that makes it even more complicated, but also.... previously colonized cities are a weird thing. i live in the biggest city in the whole of south america and there are still plenty of traditional indigenous communities right inside the city. but i can't speak for jakarta) so he could also visit those places. and just like being in a place where everyone (or ok, almost everyone) is javanese? where so many of the small cultural things in everyday life are still present? you know? like the air feels different, it's in the way people move, gesticulate, speak (regardless of language), interact, eat. it feels like home in a way nowhere else can't and it makes him relax and feel so much more like himself, just by being there

and okay that's what i have. take this with a grain of salt as i'm latin american, not south east asian, so most of what i've said here is based on research i've done before for other asks + things i've heard from my SE Asian friends + more generic experiences with being a third worlder/previously colonized. thank you so much for that, i really loved this ask!

all the thanks to @pastaingallday for being an absolute babe with endless patience and helping me out with my muslim magnus questions. this post would probably be a mess without her <3 thank you so much baby, i love you

[marshunter06]

Love Lockdown

V- Hello, It’s Nice to Meet You

The first thing she sees when she wakes up is a good morning text from Trent, he was up awfully early sending a text just before seven. It is now around eight, a little later than she would normally wake as she’s an early riser. She replies back with a good morning then starts her morning routine. She was just about done, ready to go get some coffee when she sees that he’s sent her another message along with a picture.

T: Toast and scrambled eggs are one of the few things I can make. That and I can use a coffee maker. Hope your breakfast is going to be better than mine (:

C: Looks great! I’m about to get a cup of coffee myself, I’m not usually big on breakfast, so toast and eggs actually sound perfect. I’ll send you a pic and we can compare.

Duncan was still asleep when she got downstairs, he did manage to clean up the wine and glasses before passing out. He stirs awake when he catches a whiff of the coffee. She always did make sure there was enough food for the both of them even though she couldn’t stand to look at him sometimes. Old habits die hard, eight years makes it difficult to just cut ties especially while they’re stuck together.

“What are you making for breakfast?”

“I’m thinking toast and eggs, there’s still bacon if you want that too.”

“Toast and eggs sound great.”

Once she plates both the toast and eggs, she brings them over to the dining table. She pulls out her phone and makes sure to get her coffee cup in view as she snaps a picture. Duncan keeps his mouth shut, he still finds it odd that she’s into food photography now, but she shrugged it off already. Besides, given how poorly last night went, she wouldn’t tell him anyways. They spend the rest of the breakfast in mostly silence.

“Let me do the dishes.”

“You did them last night.”

“Your hand is still burnt, and you made breakfast this morning.”

“Okay. I should probably change out the band aid anyways.”

“And I’ll make lunch today.”

“You’re making lunch?”

“Yeah, well I figured sandwiches and the rest of the soup would work?”

“Okay, I’m going to do some work until then. I’ll be down around noon.”

She heads upstairs to change out of her pajamas and send Trent her breakfast picture. She did feel a little nervous knowing that she would get to see what he looked like today, but it seemed silly, they were just partners for a project. With that thought in mind, she still wanted to make a good impression, so she settled on dark jeans and a red top. She didn’t normally bother with makeup, but a little didn’t hurt. Nothing too crazy, no red lipstick or winged eyeliner.

T: Thought I would let you know I got to venture to the outside world today and guess what? There’s no more pasta of any kind, so you got lucky.

C: Can’t say I’m surprised, the shelves were pretty scarce. As promised, here’s a pic of my breakfast. See, it’s almost the same as your’s.

T: I don’t know Court, your toast looks less burnt than mine…

Court… he called her Court. Only few people in life had the privilege of calling her that. She doesn’t mind adding him to the list. Is it odd to click with someone so quickly?

C: I’m sure it tasted fine, I’m going to go catch up on some intern work. Talk to you after lunch? Maybe around oneish?

T: Sounds good, I’ll wait for your call. You’re busier than I am.

C: Oh I don’t know about that, you had to pencil me in your schedule.

T: Lol, ok, I’ll call you at 1:30 then. Look forward to seeing you (:

That gives her about three hours before lunch would be ready and some time after before they work on their project. Plenty of time to make sure everything is in order. Time passes quickly, before she knows it, it is noon. She heads downstairs to see if Duncan needed any help.

“Hey Princess, soup’s already to go and the sandwiches are on the plate. I was just about to go get you.”

“Thanks. I’ll bring the plates over to the table.”

“I’ll get the water.”

Again they go back to this weird stage of being okay with each other. It’s extremely delicate and hard to navigate. One wrong move and it could break. There was a mutual agreement to keep meals civil, eating is important after all.

“Thanks for lunch, I’ll do the dishes.”

“What about your hand.”

“It’s fine now, but if you still won’t let me, then let me make dinner. I promise it’s not that bad.”

“Okay, you can make dinner. What were you thinking?”

“Probably just spaghetti, we still have a box of noodles left. I should be done by five, so I’ll have time to prepare the meatballs.”

She leaves him with the mess heading upstairs to make sure all of her notes are pulled up on her laptop. Right on time at one thirty, she gets a call front Trent.

“Hey Courtney! Nice to finally see you!”

“Hi Trent, nice to see you too.”

“So, what do you think about our case?”

“Well, I think she killed him, but since we’re defending her, we need to convince the rest of the class that she didn’t.”

“Really? I thought she was innocent. She doesn’t have a motive. She was already going to get half of his assets and the guy didn’t have any offshore accounts.”

“She did have a motive, besides with him dead, she would get everything.”

“So you think she did it for the money?”

“No, that was just a bonus, she did it for revenge.”

“I’m not following.”

“Think about it. Her husband cheats on her making her the laughing stock of the neighborhood. Stephanie Clarence prides herself on having the perfect image. They were the perfect couple, so how could she let Fred ruin everything. Especially since his mistress is considered to be beneath them.”

“Then why not make it seem like the mistress did it? If she really wanted revenge, wouldn’t she make sure Valerie suffers too.”

“Because, it would be cowardly of him to off himself, she’s all about image remember? Plus Valerie is already going to suffer knowing she wouldn’t get anything from Fred. She doesn’t really hate the mistress, she was technically innocent, Fred never let it be known that he was married.”

“Hm… I guess I can see that, it makes sense. That’s not going to be easy for the prosecution to prove though.”

“It’s not going to be easy to prove it’s suicide too. Why did you think it was?”

“The way I see it, Fred Clarence was depressed, and even though he was a success businessman, he made it through pure luck. Still, he wasn’t happy. He has the perfect image, but that never meant anything to him, he wanted something real. He found that with Valerie, but when she found out he was married, she wanted to end it. Then his wife finds out and files for divorce. His business starts to go down, that combined with all the bad luck he’s been having left him thinking there was no way out. His parents passed already and he didn’t have kids, there was nothing to live for. He had to know that the divorce case was going to fail, but it was his attempt at keeping something in his life that made it worth living.”

“When you put it that way, it does seem like he killed himself. You think we could message the professor and ask if we could speak to our client?”

“Worth a shot, we have all the statements, but he would leave things out to make the case more neutral when the prosecuting team sees it. I’ll email him now.”

[writer-and-artist27]

Don’t Leave Me

Note: Lang. I blame you for getting me on the Shinsō train. Because Shell Game 57 hurts. It really really hurts. 

Fluff, ONWARDS. With the one song I never thought I’d be using again, since it was originally Kei and Tomoko’s song in my head. But, well, might as well let someone else into Tomoko’s darker side. :p And the lyrics for the other song piece mentioned here come from this site. 

The connector and final nail in the “Another AU” pitfall Vy has fallen into! Everyone in UA and happy! Chronologically takes place after all my other Shinsō content. 

Mentioning @langwrites, @wingbladeweaver1357, and @hylianhick here since your OCs are mentioned, and @chiefladylightyay since you enjoyed the first Shinsō stories. Also @fangoverdang since you liked the short stories that started all this and I’m glad we met up again. :) Oh, and @lovingempress? Here’s more fluff with Tomo for you~

Enjoy. 

----------------------------------------

Before meeting Gekkō in UA, Shinsō thought he could go without friends. The path to becoming a Hero wasn’t easy, after all, and friends were just a bother back in General Studies. But these days, with a year in UA under his belt, he could never say that now. 

Today too, was no different. He could’ve gone home early, but it was the first sign that stopped him.

Said first sign of anything interesting was the echo of music ringing through his ears. It took a second for him to realize it wasn’t coming from the school’s loudspeakers littered throughout the hallway ceilings. It sounded like it was a piano solo, but it wasn’t a song he recognized. Whether out of curiosity or boredom, Shinsō didn’t know, but he followed the sound of the music along, craning his neck a bit more in the hopes of finding the source.

Thankfully, it didn’t take too long. The sign hanging above the door designated the upcoming room as the “Music Room”, and considering the piano was louder…

Shinso put his hand on the door and quietly pulled it open.

He was not expecting to see Hoshino at a grand piano of all things. 

With her eyes closed, she could’ve been a professional pianist with how her fingers flew across the keys. Her legs occasionally moved to press the pedals at the foot of the piano, and with the sound vibrating in the air, it created a scene he never really thought he’d see from her. Sure, Hoshino sang for him and Leonhart, and who knows how much else for Gekkō and Davy, but not play piano of all things while at school. There was no one else with her in the room, merely confirming his suspicion that the concert-level song was all her. 

Just listening closer made the song stand out more. Like it was a declaration of war on something or someone. Or it was a declaration of protection and love towards one person.

Shinsō mentally decided he liked the second idea better. It was more fitting of Hoshino anyways.

Once the last key faded, Hoshino took a heaving breath. Her eyes opened too, although slow, and she blinked them. “Okay,” she muttered, and if not for Shinsō being in the same room as her, he knew he wouldn’t have heard her otherwise. “The song’s good. Now for the actual singing…” 

Now was probably a better time than any to let her know he was there. Shinsō gently cleared his throat. 

As expected, Hoshino jumped. The noise out of her mouth was something akin to an anime character, his best approximation of it being nothing but a loud “FWAH!” that made his eardrums curl in on themselves. Ow. If not for the volume, Shinsō probably would have agreed with Davy’s earlier declarations on how it was cute. 

…Wait a second. 

What?

Hoshino then swiveled her head around for some kind of answer before rounding on him, and her blue eyes widened. Pink proceeded to color her cheeks. “S-Shinsō-san! Um,” her gaze focused in on him, her voice lowering, “s-sorry about the voice. I-I wasn’t expecting you here.”

“I wasn’t expecting you here either, Hoshino,” he said coolly, hiding his previous thought by taking a look at the piano bench. Hoshino, petite as always, was only taking up half of the thing. Shinsō raised a finger to point at the empty space. “Think I could sit next to you?”

“Um,” Hoshino blinked, still blushing. “Sure? If you don’t mind me fidgeting.”

“It’s you, Hoshino. I never minded.” And he meant it. Hoshino merely blushed brighter. Shinsō shrugged but went with it anyway, swinging his legs under the piano keyboard while still facing her. “Besides. What were you doing here?”

Hoshino’s blush died down to a lighter pink as a realization of sorts shined in her blue eyes. “Oh, that?” She giggles, a bit embarrassed, before ducking her head and muttering the response. Shinsō already knew that if not for him sitting right next to her, he probably wouldn’t have heard it. “I was practicing a song for Kei.”

“For—” Shinsō couldn’t help but feel surprised. “For Gekkō?” Then again, it made sense. Gekkō and Hoshino were extremely close, more so than Hoshino was with Leonhart (in spite of Hoshino happily calling Leonhart “Hika-chan” of all things). Weren’t Gekkō and Hoshino childhood friends or something…? “What’s the occasion?”  

Hoshino fidgeted with her fingers. “N-Nothing much, really. I just felt like it.” She rocked back and forth in her seat a bit, a fond smile on her lips. “Kei sometimes…” Hoshino paused, her gaze flickering between Shinsō’s hands and her lap. “She sometimes goes through things I’m not sure about,” Hoshino settled for quietly, reaching upwards to rub a bit of hair ribbon between her fingers. “We’ve known each other since we were little, but there are still times I know she doesn’t tell me everything. It’s just how she is. And I still can’t help but worry if she’s holding things back because it’s too dark and…” Hoshino paused. Her hand playing with her hair ribbon stopped too. 

Shinsō inclined his head. “Hoshino?” 

Hoshino jolted a bit in her seat before raising her head to give him a smile. Shinsō would be a fool if he didn’t see that it was obviously forced. “I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to ramble at you, Shinsō-san! I-I can stop, if you want.” She waves her hands in the air helplessly, and Shinsō aptly ducks his head so that she doesn’t actually hit him. “I… I just want to sing and tell her that she’s not alone. If that makes sense?”

Yep. It’s still the same selfless and sweet Hoshino. “Sure,” he says. “It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it.” Shinsō leans back on the bench, looking up towards the ceiling in the hopes of giving Hoshino some room. “Gekkō’s weird like that. Being silent. So I get it.”

Without turning to her, Shinsō already knew Hoshino was giving him a doe-eyed, wide look. Like she wasn’t expecting him to understand her. “…Really?” she said quietly.

Shinsō reaches over, and without thinking, lightly taps the top of Hoshino’s head with the back of his hand. “Really,” he finishes, just in time with her newest squeak of “Ah!” The smirk was hard to hide on his face when she rounded on him with a pout. At this point, he couldn’t help it and Hoshino was leaving herself too open for teasing. “You have weird choices in friends, Hoshino. And Gekkō’s the worst at it.”

“Muuuuuu,” she goes, clearly very unhappy while still puffing her cheeks. Hoshino crosses her arms and rocks herself hard enough in her seat on the bench to bump shoulders with him. “Kei’s fine, I’ve lived with her for more than a decade, and last I checked, I’m friends with you, aren’t I?”

Shinsō laughs. “You’re nuts, but you’re fine too. Being friends with a guy who’s villainized for his Quirk.”

Hoshino blinks, then goes quiet again. “…Oh,” she says finally, then proceeded to lean on his shoulder.

That was not expected. Shinsō does his best to not recoil, staring into her hair. “Hoshino?”

The reply is just as quiet as the words that started everything. “You’re a Hero to me, Shinsō-san.” Hoshino is twiddling her thumbs now and even if Shinsō can’t see her face, he can see the tips of her ears and they’re pink. “It doesn’t matter what people said about your Quirk before. They don’t know you. You’re in the Hero Department now and, last I checked, you proved them wrong by every single scale. Plus,” Hoshino waves a pointer finger in the air while lightly rocking against him, “you could’ve brainwashed me in the entire time we’ve talked, and you haven’t done that now, have you?”

“N-No,” he says, and it surprises him on how easy it is to talk honestly to Hoshino now. Like a veil was lifted off them both, and he can breathe. It’s hard to care about his face burning because hearing those words is just nice in general. Hell, he can smell rosemary, and it takes a second for Shinsō to realize it’s Hoshino’s hair. Her shampoo? “I never intend to Brainwash unless I want to.”

“And there we go.” Hoshino huffs in a way that seems final before raising her head to meet his eyes in eye contact, and she’s pouting again. “So, please, don’t say depressing things like that again. You sound like Kei.”

“Sorry,” is all he can say in response. “Reflex.”

Hoshino still puffs her cheeks, opting to hit her head against Shinsō’s shoulder. As much as it stings, well, technically a little since Aizawa-sensei punches harder, Shinsō waits for her to speak. “You dork,” Hoshino says finally after a moment, scooting over to fully lean on his side. “You’re my friend, so no more self-deprecation.” She paused, and then Shinsō hears her mutter, “And this is why my friends need more music. No one believes in themselves, and it’s depressing.” There’s another pause, and then she mutters, “I know I do it too, but I don’t like hearing it from other people, especially people I care about. Muuuuu.” 

Shinsō scoffed and taps Hoshino’s head again. This girl was ridiculous. “You’re mumbling, Hoshino.”

This time, his underclassman doesn’t even flinch, merely giving him a dirty eye through her black hair before focusing back on the piano. “Don’t care,” she adds childishly. Shinsō doesn’t miss how her fingers linger over the black and white keys again. “I’m tempted to play something for you now.”

…Okay, out of all the things Hoshino could’ve said, Shinsō definitely was not expecting to hear that. Then again, this was Hoshino, the girl who made more homemade chocolate than her family could even provide for Valentine’s Day in their cafe when not swamped with work. He shouldn’t have been surprised. “I thought you were practicing for Gekkō,” he finds himself saying instead. 

“That doesn’t mean my other friends miss out!” Hoshino’s voice goes up by about a level or two in pitch. “And you’re important to me too, Shinsō-san! You deserve something nice!” She pauses before pressing a key and adds, a bit miffed too this time, “You already heard me play something for Kei. So I might as well give you a preview of your birthday present.” 

Shinsō can’t deny the fact that he’s blushing. Goddamn feelings. He turns his head away to break off their shared eye contact, but doesn’t push her away either. “I-I didn’t think you were looking that far ahead, Hoshino.”

Another bump into his shoulder. Along with an extra hard thunk of a head against the crook between his neck and shoulder, Shinsō blinks before glancing in that direction. Hoshino — Hoshino was actually snuggled up to him. What the—? “You’re someone I keep close to my heart, Shinsō-san,” was the whisper. “There’s no way I wouldn’t.” Before Shinsō could respond, she raises her head and he gets an eyeful of bright blue eyes. “And hey. You helped Kei and Jack-nii and Hika-chan a lot by being you. And,” Hoshino reaches up to lightly poke his forehead with a soft smile, “You helped me too. So you deserve something in return, don’t you think?”

Shinsō, for the first time in a long while, finds himself speechless. He stares at Hoshino for a second, then two, then for more until she fidgets and breaks off the eye contact. “U-Unless,” she stutters, “you want me to sing instead? I-I could do that! Or make cake, or, or…” Hoshino trails off, sitting back up and scooting away an inch.

“I-It’s fine,” he says finally, turning his head mechanically just to force himself to look at her. And, yep. Hoshino is blushing, even when not meeting his eyes. “A song preview is fine, Hoshino. Whatever you feel is right.”

Hoshino blinks, then sparkles. Too bright. Argh. “Piano and singing for you then!” she cheers, her voice high-pitched from the joy. “I hope you’ll like it, Shinsō-san!” 

Ugh.

How was she this happy?

Lub-dub, lub-dub. 

Better question.

His heart is beating hard. Is this how Davy felt when looking at Hoshino? Because this was new and Shinsō didn’t know if he liked it or not. The last time he felt like this, it was with Leonhart, and it was Leonhart. She wasn’t looking for relationships. So, why was his heart starting up again with freakin’ Hoshino? 

If this is turning out to be what he thought it was becoming, Davy was going to murder him. Little sisters were off-limits, last he checked. 

Double ugh. 

Before Hoshino can turn back to the keys, Shinsō pulls her back to his side with an arm around her shoulders. She squeaks, he says, “You can use ‘-kun,’ Hoshino.”

“F-Fweh?” she squeaks again, more confused. 

Shinsō sighs and taps Hoshino’s head with his other, not-hugging hand. “If you’re going to be putting on a concert for me after school, then you could at least call me by my name and not by some stiff honorific. Especially if I’m so ‘close’ to your heart as you say I am.” He doesn’t even know why his voice comes out irritated. Then again, he still doesn’t know what to make of Hoshino either. How does she say things the way she does and not die of diabetes? 

Oh, right.

Her Quirk is literally making chocolate with a touch.

There’s no way she’d be dying of diabetes when she makes diabetes.

And Hoshino’s looking at him again. “Then… Shinsō-kun?”

“Yeah?”

“Just trying it,” she says, then leans into him a bit more. The next try has his ribs creak. “Hitoshi… kun?” 

He tries not to jolt. “…Why are you going with my first name?”

“A-Again, just wanted to try!” Hoshino squirms in his hold, but doesn’t pull away, instead resting her fingertips atop the piano keys. Their closeness lets Shinsō feel her exhale. “A-Are you okay with that?”

Shinsō takes a breath too. “…Just play the song,” he settles for finally, bonking her head with his cheek. “And do what you want.”

“Th-Then,” Hoshino turns to look at him, blushing too. “Call me ‘Tomoko’ too, H-Hitoshi-kun. ‘Hoshino, Hoshino’ just makes things feel more formal.” 

Sure, she stumbled in delivery, but she still said his first name.  

Shinsō sighs and closes his eyes. If he looked into those blue eyes, he knew he might die. From embarrassment or something, and he had to stay cool. Somehow. “Alright then, Tomoko,” he says, even if he’s close to stumbling himself from how strange it sounds. “Hoshino” had stuck for far too long. First names, on the other hand, were going to be a new obstacle to overcome. “You win. Go play what you want now.”

He doesn’t need to see to know that Ho — Tomoko is sparkling. “Aye aye!” she says with what sounds like an extra salute, and he slumps as soon as her voice turns away from him. “One concert for a bestie, coming up!” 

The piano echoes in his ears first in a new melody before he hears Tomoko start to sing, and by then, Shinsō’s tempted to fall asleep. 

“Kimi o tsurete kakedasu yo (I brought you to run off with me)  

Dare mo oitsukenai basho e; (To a place where nobody can reach;)

Ima koso kanaeyou yo ano hi no yakusoku.  (Now it's time to grant the promise we made that day.)

Katasumi no shiawase no tsubomi,  (The flower bud of happiness staying at the corner,)

Giniro ni kagayaita,  (Shining with a silver color,)

Saitara misete ageyou!  (I will show it to you when it blooms!)

Mikaeshita arubamu no naka de.  (I looked back to the album.)

Sono koro mo ima mo sou,  (Whether past or present,)

Issho ni waratteru.  (We laughed together.)

Minami no hou kara somatteiku kisetsu.  (The season arrives from the south.)

Tadaima to itte ne,  (Saying "I'm back,")

Kitto sugu ni mukae ni iku.  (I'll immediately welcome you.)

Kimi o tsurete kakedasu yo  (I brought you to run off with me)

Dare mo oitsukenai basho e;  (To a place where nobody can reach;)

Ima koso kanaeyou yo ano hi no yakusoku.  (Now it’s time to grant the promise we made that day.)

Nee, zutto matteta yo kimi no koto o.  (Hey, I’m always waiting for you.)

Okaeri, watashi o mou nidoto oitekanaide.  (Welcome home, please don’t leave me again.)

Harukaze hana ga odoru, (Flowers dancing in the spring breeze,)

Yuudachi kasa o narasu, (Rain striking the umbrella in a shower,)

Gairoju aka ni somaru,  (Roadside trees dyed red,)

Watayuki sukuiageta.  (Scooping up fluffy snow.)

Kimi o tsurete kakedasu yo (I brought you to run off with me)  

Dare mo oitsukenai basho e; (To a place where nobody can reach;)

Ima koso kanaeyou yo ano hi no yakusoku.  (Now it's time to grant the promise we made that day.)

Kimi o tsurete kakedashita  (I brought you to run off with me)

Soshite egao o dakishimeta,  (And embracing your smile,)

Mousugu kanaunda ne ano hi no yakusoku. (It will be granted soon, the promise we made that day.)

Mata koushite tonari doushi arukeru koto.  (We are still comrades, advancing together.)

Nandaka tottemo ureshikute hashaide shimau. (I don't know why, but I feel happy and in high spirits.)”

Maybe later, Shinsō could work up the courage to ask Tomoko to record her songs. That way, Aizawa-sensei wouldn’t be pissed when he eventually comes by to their daily training session.

For now, he’d enjoy this. It wasn’t everyday he could nap peacefully against a friend.

By the time the song was long finished, Shinsō could’ve sworn he saw Tomoko smile. “Sleep well, Hitoshi-kun. You deserve it, you beloved friend of mine.” 

It was a good day.

----------------------------------------

“Where have you been?”

“…Around.”

“Shinsō.” 

“Don’t worry about it, Sensei.”

“It’s not because you became buddy-buddy with someone outside your class, is it?”

“…” 

“Do not tell me it’s Hoshino. We went through this with Leonhart and Gekkō already.”

“I have her songs recorded for you if the cats like it…?”

“Goddammit, Shinsō.” 

[psychosistr]

i wonder if err, you could do info of gandra or steelbeak? or uhh the diamonds? just trying to give ideas

Sorry it took a while to write all of this out, but this is actually something I’ve been thinking over for a while now, and I’ll probably end up reblogging and/or adding to this post down the road if I come up with more characters in this AU. So, for now, here are the diamonds and their main servants under the cut :)

Blue Diamond, AKA- Morgana Macawber

Once serving as the voice of emotional wisdom among the diamonds, she has become very depressed since the shattering of Pink Diamond and is the only one of the three diamonds shown to openly grieve her loss- unfortunately, it is to grand extremes, and the other diamonds (mostly yellow) actually have to force her to get her work done or she’ll just allow her closest servants to do the work for her while she mourns. Millennia ago, she was known for wearing her iconic red dress like in the show, but, with the death of Pink Diamond, her wardrobe changed into much more somber black gowns with hoods she uses to hide her face. Her role within the diamond hierarchy is to understand the unknown- things such as energy manipulation and magic- and harness it for both battle and the advancement of homeworld.

Blue Diamond’s Servants- Morgana’s servants are selected for emotional reasons- meaning that anyone within her court can be considered important if they can do something to make her even remotely happy for a moment or if they’re able to motivate her to do something. Her closest servants, coincidentally, usually have odd mutations or abilities that make them one-of-a-kind.

Neptunia: A dark blue tourmaline who serves as the personal body guard of Blue Diamond. Fierce, opinionated, and not afraid to speak her mind, Neptunia is one of the few gems besides the diamonds that can get away with speaking in a less-than-formal manner to the diamond since she’s known Morgana for the longest out of all of her closer servants. She’ll listen when Morgana wants to cry about her troubles, but she’ll also be one of the first ones to tell her to get up and do her job when Yellow Diamond’s not around to say the same. Her weapon is a trident and she can control any body of water that she stands on to fight, whether it’s an entire ocean on a planet that’s being conquered, or a puddle of her diamond’s own tears.

Camille Chameleon: A rare zultanite- a gemstone that can change it colors and gives Camille the ability to easily change her form and hold it indefinitely without feeling strained as other gems would after prolonged use of such an ability. While her ability is useful, it’s not exactly good for one-on-one battles, so she spends most of her time as Blue Diamond’s personal attendant (kind of like Blue Pearl). She can fight if she needs to and uses her shape shifting as a weapon, and has even been called on for long-term infiltration missions to break down organic governments from within, but, at the end of the day, she prefers living the easy life granted to her by acting as Morgana’s attendant.

Rhoda Dendron: An aquamarine serving as Blue Diamond’s lead expert on short and long-range warp technology. Rhoda was a gift from Yellow Diamond- a scientist to help keep Morgana on track when she needs a logical voice amongst all of the emotional ones around her. Rhoda is very kind and certainly not meant for battle, preferring instead to work on her warp points and summoning wings made of water if fighting occurs so she can retreat. Her life was fairly normal until she was assigned to accompany Liquidator, Bushroot, Megavolt, and Quackerjack down to Earth with the seemingly simple task of repairing the planet’s long-damaged galaxy warp. However, her life quickly becomes a mess of chaos when she’s stuck in the middle of battles that she wanted nothing to do with and ends up getting poofed and bubbled by the Crystal Ducks for an exceptionally long amount of time, only to later awaken to her original four traveling companions deciding they want to stay on such a horrible back-water planet rather than return to homeworld, meaning that she’s stuck there too if she can’t fix the galaxy warp on her own..

Liquidator: Similar to Neptunia, Liquidator has known Morgana for an exceptionally long amount of time and is considered one of the highest ranking elite gems in her court, both because of his age and years of service as well as his exceptionally royal blue lapis lazuli gemstone. Originally serving as one of Morgana’s more destructive agents sent in to turn the tide of battles (literally) in homeworld’s favor, Liquidator decided to change his purpose in her court during era two to a terra-former after meeting Bushroot so the two could work together. While he does care about his diamond and is extremely loyal to her, his many years as an elite gem have worn him down over the millennia and he often finds himself wondering what he would do with his life he could actually just be himself rather than the perfect gem everyone expects him to be- a freedom he is granted on Earth and comes to greatly enjoy, even if it means no longer serving under his diamond again.

Bushroot: A sapphire created on Earth that was originally meant to serve Pink Diamond, Blue Diamond took Bushroot into her court at Liquidator’s behest since he was without a place on homeworld. While his visions are spotty and not always clear in their purpose, the fact that he is technically never wrong makes him very useful as a sapphire. For many years after the war, he works with Liquidator as a terra-former for new planets that Blue Diamond conquers, though he doesn’t partake of the same elite status that Liquidator does. After being assigned to return to Earth alongside Liquidator, Megavolt, and Quackerjack, Bushroot begins to unlock new powers and abilities he didn’t know he had, including summoning his own weapon and communicating with plants. Learning more about the world he came from, as well as the diamond he was originally meant for, leaves Bushroot with a lot of questions and doubts about how he feels in regards to Morgana and the rest of the diamonds.

Yellow Diamond, AKA- Sara Bellum

While Morgana serves as the diamonds’ voice of emotional wisdom, Bellum serves as their intellectual wisdom. Where Morgana is prone to fits of sorrow and/or anger, Bellum is cool, calm, and collected under pressure, approaching everything through the eyes of a scientist and analyzing situations rationally. As Yellow Diamond, Bellum leads homeworld’s more scientific pursuits, creating many of their societies greatest technological advancements such as warp drives and long-distance space ships that allowed their people to travel and begin colonizing other planets in the first place. However, while Bellum is the more intellectually driven of the diamonds, she is not without the occasional emotional outburst or silly mistake that she will attempt to ignore- often overreacting and poofing someone out of sheer surprise when they catch her in one of her more emotional moments.

Yellow Diamond’s Servants- Bellum leads homeworld’s scientific studies and colonization division, S.H.U.S.H., and has a slew of scientists and soldiers under her command. While she is not one to play favorites as each scientists under her serves a different but equally important purpose, there are a few servants that are allowed to interact with her more closely than others.

J.Gander Hooter: An imperial yellow topaz and commander of S.H.U.S.H., J.Gander reports directly to Yellow Diamond. Though he’s just supposed to be considered an underling, whenever she’s off conquering planets or busy with other scientific pursuits, he’s essentially the one that Yellow Diamond’s court goes to for orders. Many of Bellum’s less loyal followers spread rumors about Hooter secretly trying to usurp his diamond- a statement that could not be further from the truth. Yellow Diamond’s trust in J.Gander is well-founded as he has served her, and homeworld, loyally for thousands of years. She knows that he wouldn’t turn his back on his sense of duty to her or his people, so she trusts the decisions he makes when she’s not around.

Grizzlikof: A firey yellow sphene that serves as second in command of S.H.U.S.H., tactical commander of Yellow Diamond’s conquering armies, and personal body guard, Grizzlikof oversees many responsibilities within Bellum’s court, but would not prefer it any other way. As second in command of S.H.U.S.H., he makes sure that everything is running smoothly and that all reports are filed accordingly to maintain order (they oversee A LOT of gems and A LOT of worlds, someone’s gotta keep everything in order). As Yellow Diamond’s tactical commander, he helps formulate battle strategies and lead armies in the field that have brought countless victories to homeworld. And, as Bellum’s body guard, he always prioritizes her safety above that of anyone else around him- including himself- because he knows how much her role as a diamond is needed for homeworld’s continued health and prosperity. He has also made it his unofficial responsibility to personally test anyone who wants to serve as a bodyguard for any of the diamonds, giving them the test of defeating him in combat to prove they deserve their position- Neptunia passed with flying colors, Taurus Bulba took two tries but he won the second round easily (the first time seems to have just been to gather information on how his opponent fought), Pink Diamond’s amethyst guard defeated him through a series of tricky maneuvers and he still hates the gem to this day, and Quackerjack......well, he never talks about the fight with Quackerjack, but he got to serve as Pink Diamond’s bodyguard, so it’s safe to assume he won somehow.

Beatrice Bruté: A yellow orthoclase gemstone, Dr.Bruté is homeworld’s leading expert on organic life. Created around the time of the great gem war, Yellow Diamond tasked the doctor with finding out what value, if any, organic creatures had in an attempt to understand why so many gems would lay down their lives and abandon their duties to homeworld for the sake of such feeble creatures. Centuries of study led Dr.Bruté to understand more about organic life, how it is created, and how to care for it better than any gem in homeworld’s recorded history. When Pink Diamond tried pleading for the safety of the organic creatures of Earth, saying that she didn’t want all of them to be wiped out, Dr.Bruté was the head scientist in charge of setting up the human zoo for the conservation of the apparently sentient species. After the war ended, Dr.Bruté happily accepted the task of watching over the zoo so that she could continue her study of the strange multi-generational life forms for an extended period of time. Sometimes she does get called away to other planets when the diamonds encounter an organic species they want examined, so she’s forced to leave the zoo in the care of the various quartz soldiers from Earth, but she’s always quick to return to her studies.

Splatter Phoenix: A greenish yellow demantoid garnet- a unique cut of gem that was given to Yellow Diamond as a gift from Blue Diamond. While Bellum gave Morgana a scientist (Rhoda) to keep her on track, Morgana in turn gave Bellum an artist to remind her that sometimes you have to step back and look at things from a different perspective. Her official position in the court is Yellow Diamond’s assistant, something she constantly complains to Camille about anytime their diamonds get together for meetings, saying that her “talents” are squandered in such a meager role. The only way to stop her complaining is to let her design new (and often abstract, surreal-looking) buildings and monuments that will go on recently conquered or in-the-process-of-being-conquered planets, the one aspect of her job that she actually enjoys. Her gem-weapon is a paintbrush that can bring anything she paints to life, meaning that if she’s surrounded by enemies or in the middle of a battle where her own side’s forces need a break, she can just use her brush to create temporary soldiers- a very useful skill, but one she doesn’t use often as she prefers creating things that will last longer than a single battle.

Mark Beaks: An era two peridot that acts as S.H.U.S.H.’s robotics expert. When the resource shortage on homeworld began, second era gems found that they had far fewer powers and abilities compared to previous generations, and were forced to work harder to meet homeworld’s standards of labor. Mark HATES hard work, so he started tinkering around with robotics and came up with both the design for limb enhancers, earning him a high-ranking position within S.H.U.S.H.. Unfortunately, this meant more paperwork, more reports, a longer work schedule, and more WORK than Mark really cared for, so he just got lower-ranking gems to do the harder work for him while raking in the praise his limb enhancer designs earned him. His ego got a bit too big, though, and he mouthed off to Grizzlikof one too many times about his reports being filed by other gems. As punishment, Mark’s been sent on his own to Earth to check on Yellow Diamond’s personal project- the cluster.

Megavolt: A one of a kind era one peridot and one of Yellow Diamond’s top special agents. Megavolt was the only gem from his kindergarten to survive a freakishly powerful electrical storm that wiped out all of the other gem seeds on the planet. Surviving the tragedy made him a legend among the kindergartners and even gave him the bonus ability of electricity control in addition to the standard peridot magnetic-abilities. Technically an off-color due to his unusual powers and short-term memory problems, Yellow Diamond saw value in both his abilities in battle and his creativity in engineering and decided to keep him as part of her court. For centuries Megavolt has served his diamond loyally, going into battle at the drop of a hat anytime she called upon him and even fighting in the gem war because she requested his help personally. After returning to Earth with Liquidator and Bushroot, meeting Quackerjack, and learning more about how the diamonds really view those that work for them, though, Megavolt’s loyalty has begun to waiver.

White Diamond, AKA- Magica de Spell

The controlling mind behind the diamonds, Magica rules with an iron fist and expects nothing but perfection from those who work under her- including her fellow diamonds. Her design is based more off of her of her original Ducktales/Darkwing Duck/Comics appearance, but with white trim on her sleeves, black eyeshadow, and a slightly longer black dress that trails behind her the few times she moves. Magica views herself as the perfect standard to which all other gems are held to and is not afraid to make an example of others to prove her position of power within the gem hierarchy. While she never leaves her ship anymore, she is still a feared presence across the galaxy thanks to her elite servants that carry out her bidding.

White Diamond’s Servants- White Diamond holds her troops to an even higher standard of perfection than any other diamond- a standard that few can ever hope to reach. Everyone in her court knows that if you do not live up to her standards, or if you fail to uphold or question her orders, you’ll be nothing more than a puppet within seconds. If you want to work for her and still be yourself, you’d better be the best at what you do or be completely invisible to the tyrannical queen.

Paddywhack (Controlled): A bloodstone that once belonged to Pink Diamond and served as her first jester.In mourning for the loss of his diamond as well as his other friends that went to Earth with her and never returned, Paddywhack loudly spoke out against White Diamond during the public announcement of Pink Diamond’s shattering. He was punished via a savage beating by White Diamond’s servants before being forcefully stripped of his colors and turned into her emotionless puppet-like servant. He currently spends his days in this state, unaware of what’s going on or the time that passes around him while his body is used as a warning against anyone else who would dare to speak out against White Diamond.

Taurus Bulba: A roughly cut goshenite, Taurus Bulba was the first gem to ever survive a head-on attack from White Diamond. No one knows for sure why she attacked him- he could have said something she didn’t approve of, she could have just been in a bad mood that day- all they know is that after the attack he miraculously survived, albeit with extreme cracking across over fifty percent of his body. Deciding she rather enjoyed his tough stature and intellect, Magica decided to keep him in her court and even let him retain his free will. After receiving several physical augmentations from Yellow Diamond’s science division, Taurus has, ironically, been re-purposed as Magica’s bodyguard, making sure that no one that somehow breaches the ship ever gets close to his diamond. While many would take this as a showing of trust on White Diamond’s part, Taurus knows better: Magica is merely keeping her allies close, and her enemies closer..where she can always keep an eye on him...

Gandra Dee: A black and white star sapphire with the ability to see the future and playback her predictions for others to see as well, Gandra serves as one of White Diamond’s top field agents and spies, her powers allowing her to predict any uprisings before they can reach fruition. In addition to her future-sight, Gandra is also a very useful field operative, utilizing her abilities in combat to predict her opponents’ moves and countering with the experimental white destabilizing nano-machines implanted into her own body. Her design is based off her DT17 version, but with a drastically different outfit consisting of a white lab coat over a black button-up vest, black fingerless gloves, black slacks, and black short-heeled boots (she hates the black and white color scheme and how stuffy the outfit is, but would never say it out loud for fear of incurring her diamond’s wrath). Gandra doesn’t mind the fighting she has to do for her diamond’s missions, but seeing everything before it happens does grant her some...unpleasant visions, and she often wonders if the future they’re heading towards is the right one or if there’s even a way to change it at all.

Darkwarrior Duck: The black amethyst bounty hunter that only answers to White Diamond, Darkwarrior serves Magica by being her hand of “justice” against all who oppose her. His appearance is very similar to how it looked in the show, but with a more black and white color scheme and, instead of metal spikes on his shoulders, he has sharpened white crystals on his armor. Originally meant to serve as a standard soldier for White Diamond’s armies, Darkwarrior made a name for himself by being both the most brutal against his diamond’s enemies in battle, and being the first to turn on any former comrades who spoke ill of the all-powerful diamond. Magica approved of both his loyalty and his brutality and soon enlisted him as her own personal bounty hunter tasked with bringing any rebellious malcontents to “justice” by any means necessary.

Steelbeak: The most perfect black melanite in existence, Steelbeak is White Diamond’s top field agent and spy. Capable of infiltrating any organization, be it organic or gem, Steelbeak can quickly earn the trust of at least half of a group’s members, steal their secrets, and lead White Diamond’s forces to wipe them out before anyone’s even aware of what’s happening. Merciless, sadistic, and the best at what he does, Steelbeak is the oldest of Magica’s servants and has worked under her for thousands of years, aiding her in the conquering of countless planets and earning him the title of her best field agent. In addition to his skills in espionage, Steelbeak is also a major asset in battle with the ability to wipe out entire armies with nothing but his wits and his arsenal of gem-contruct weapons that he can summon at a moment’s notice. While he is good at what he does, that does not mean he’s to be trusted, even by the rest of White Diamond’s court- he has his own goals in mind and will lie, manipulate, and/or shatter anyone that gets in his way.

Pink Diamond, AKA- ???

While it’s probably obvious by now from my other posts who Pink Diamond was, I’ll still avoid saying it out loud in the descriptions. Pink Diamond was known for being the moral compass of the diamonds- their heart, so to speak. While the other three focused on running homeworld and their colonies with wisdom and intelligence, Pink focused on trying to make everyone happy rather than letting them fester in the misery such a rigid system brought on the gems from every court. She was a kind-hearted person, but was known for having the occasional childish streak, as she was the youngest of the diamonds at the time.

Pink Diamond’s Servants- Pink Diamond’s servants were chosen entirely based on who she liked. That was it, really. If you could make her smile or laugh or if she felt like you were a good person to be around, then you could easily earn a higher place in her court. Her closest servants were also considered her best friends and she treated them as such, much to the irritation of the other diamonds who constantly encouraged her to be more commanding with her underlings.  

Paddywhack (Free): A red blood stone originally adorned in bright pink clothes, Paddywhack served as Pink Diamond’s first jester and close friend. He would spend hours making her laugh by hiding inside of various toys, making them talk and dance, or even putting on entire shows for her with his shape shifting and toy-possession abilities. When Quackerjack came along, he was able to fill the roles of both jester and bodyguard, meaning that he was the one who got to go out with Pink Diamond more often outside of her palace while Paddywhack had to stay behind. Rather than resent Quackerjack for taking his place in public, however, Paddywhack appreciated the other clown’s presence and the two of them became best friends through their loyal service to Pink Diamond. When Pink Diamond was finally granted her own colony, Paddywhack was forced to stay behind on homeworld by the other diamonds who claimed “he did not belong on a battlefield”. Quackerjack promised he’d keep Pink Diamond safe and that they’d be back someday...but they never returned..

An Amethyst: Not much is known about the purple amethyst that kept Pink Diamond company as a back-up bodyguard, but it was rumored that he would often be spotted around homeworld when off-duty helping those in need. When Pink Diamond went to Earth, he was one of the few gems from her court she was allowed to bring with her, as an extra bodyguard seemed like a logical choice. No one knows what happened to him during or after the war.

Nega-Gosalyn: An adorable pink sweetheart morganite, Nega-Gosalyn, or Lyn for short, was one of Pink Diamond’s closest friends. She tended to Pink Diamond’s secret garden of flowers where the two of them (three if Quackerjack came along) would play for hours and hours, away from the judgmental eyes of the diamonds. When Pink Diamond was given her own colony, though, Lyn was left behind in the garden under the guise of a game where she was told to stay very still and wait for Pink Diamond to return. Thousands of years later, she’s still waiting...

Quackerjack: A one of a kind pink malaia garnet with orange flecks in the gemstone, Quackerjack was a special gift just for Pink Diamond so she could have both a jester and a bodyguard in one convenient person. Quackerjack was given the task of keeping Pink Diamond safe, as well as happy and entertained- a job that seemed easy in theory, but harder in practice. While he knew several games and jokes and could even make toys for her, Pink Diamond always seemed put off by Quackerjack’s attitude during the earlier years of his service to her. Paddywhack was the one to finally show him the crucial element he was missing to make Pink Diamond happy: FUN. And not just things that she would find fun, but things that QUACKERJACK would enjoy, too. The concept of enjoying something for himself was new to Quackerjack but, once he figured it out, he found that he really did like being happy and having fun and he grew closer to Pink and her other servants when he was genuinely happy. When Pink Diamond went to Earth, Quackerjack went with her and vowed to never leave her side. This was a promise he seemed to keep, right up until her shattering. No one knew where he was when it occurred and, thousands of years after the war, he was found by Megavolt, Liquidator, and Bushroot, trapped in a mirror with a cracked gemstone. Quackerjack has trouble accepting that his diamond is gone, at first insisting that there’s no way she was really shattered, but later comes to accept the truth that she’s no longer around- a heartbreaking realization for him that takes a lot of time to get over. Even though she’s not around anymore, Quackerjack still considers himself a part of her court rather than one of the others led by the other diamonds and operates as a free agent. He agrees to go back to Earth alongside his new friends since homeworld no longer has anything there that he wants to stick around for, and because he, for some reason, seems to like Earth more than homeworld, despite it being the place his diamond was supposedly shattered. Despite his happy-go-lucky demeanor, Quackerjack seems to know a lot more about the war, Pink Diamond, and the Crystal Ducks than he lets on- occasionally dropping random facts or pieces of information about his diamond and the planet before physically silencing himself so as not to reveal the full-extent of what he knows.

[ruminativerabbi]

Awakenings

For some reason, I’ve always been drawn to Rip Van Winkle-style stories about people who fall asleep for one or many years and then wake up to find themselves in whole new worlds. First of all, there’s Rip himself—a fictional character who first made his appearance in Washington Irving’s collection of stories and essays, The Sketch Book of Geoffrey Crayon, Gent., which came out exactly 200 years ago in 1819. The book has long since been forgotten by most, as unfortunately also has been its author: one of the true giants of American literature in his day, Irving has for some reason not joined the authors he himself encouraged in their careers—writers like Herman Melville, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Edgar Allan Poe, or Henry Wadsworth Longfellow—in the pantheon of American authors still read other than by people to whom their books have been assigned in American Literature classes. And he really was one of the greats! I believe that I’ve read all his stories, certainly most of them, and “Rip Van Winkle” is one of my favorites. His other still-famous story, “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow,” turned into a whole series of Hollywood movies—most memorably Tim Burton’s 1999 film, Sleepy Hollow—and television shows, is also a terrific piece of writing that deserves to be more widely read in its original format. But I digress: I wanted to write here about Rip van Winkle himself and not the author who dreamed him up.

The story is well known and easily retold. One day while wandering deep in the woods near Sleepy Hollow to escape his wife’s endless nagging, Rip runs into the ghosts of the sailors who in their day manned Henry Hudson’s ship, the Half Moon, and promptly joins them in a game of nine pins and in drinking a lot of liquor, whereupon he falls into a deep sleep. Then, when he awakens twenty years later, he discovers that his son is now a grown man, his wife has died, and that he missed the entire American Revolution while he slumbered away. He makes his peace with being a widower easily enough (the Van Winkles don’t seem to have had too happy a marriage), finds it more challenging to abandon his native allegiance to King George, and finally ends up settling in with his grown daughter as he tries to figure out the new world and his place in it.

There are lots of parallel stories to Irving’s tale. Third-century (C.E.) Greek philosopher Diogenes Laëterius, for example, wrote about a man named Epimenides who fell asleep for fifty-seven years and then had to negotiate an entirely new world when he awakened.  Jewish literature has its own version of both Rip van Winkle and Epimenides in Honi the Circle-Drawer, a wonder-working rabbi of the first century (or thereabouts) who fell asleep for seventy years and awakened to find a man tending to carob trees that Honi himself had witnessed the man’s grandfather planting just (it must have felt like) a day earlier. Other cultures have their own versions, but what makes them appealing—and also slightly terrifying— is the fantasy that this could possibly happen to us readers, that we too could possibly get into bed tonight, turn off the light, drift off into sleep…and then awaken not tomorrow morning but a century from now. Nor is it hard to explain why this is such an arresting theme to so many. We all like to think that the world is so sturdy, so substantial, so there, after all…and then an idea like this takes root and suggests that it’s all a chimera, all a fantasy, all an elaborate illusion played out against an equally illusory dreamscape, that what feels so real is only an elaborate set that the stage crew will take down the moment we breathe our last. And why shouldn’t the theater of life mimic the way things work in real theaters? The show closes, the crew strikes the set, the actors return their costumes, and everybody goes home. And, on Broadway, that is that!  

And now it turns out that it really is so that people fall asleep and awaken decades later. Some readers may have noticed a story in the paper a while back about one Munira Abdulla, a woman from a small town in the United Arab Emirates, who was in a terrible automobile accident in 1991 when she was only thirty-two years old. She fell into a coma, but was kept alive by her family in the hope that she might one day awaken. And she did just that, awakening, apparently on her own, after twenty-seven years. Technically speaking, Ms. Abdulla was in the state technically called “minimal consciousness,” which is less bad than being in a full coma (i.e., in which the patient shows no sign of being awake) or in what’s called a persistent vegetative state (in which the patient appears to be awake but shows no signs of awareness). It is, however, still extraordinarily rare for patients possessed of minimal consciousness simply to awaken.

It’s happened closer to home as well. Terry Wallis, for example, was nineteen when his pickup skidded off a bridge near his hometown in Arkansas, which accident left him in a persistent vegetative state. Doctors told his family that he had no chance of recovery. But then he somehow managed to move up a notch into the same state of minimal consciousness that Munira Abdulla was in. And there he remained for nineteen years, domiciled at a nursing home near his parents’ home. And then one day in 2006 his mother walked into his room, whereupon he looked up and said “Mom” out loud, the first word he had uttered in almost two decades.

Donald Herbert’s is a similar story. A Buffalo fire-fighter, Herbert was injured on the job in 1995 when debris in a burning building fell on him and left him in what doctors called a state of “faint consciousness” for a full decade. And then, in 2005, after a full decade of silence, he opened his eyes one day and asked for his wife.  

These are rare stories, obviously. Most comatose people—including people possessed of faint or minimal consciousness—do not suddenly wake up and start talking. Indeed, in every real sense, these people I’ve been writing about are the rare exceptions to an otherwise sad rule. But the fact that such people exist at all is very meaningful: even if the overwhelming majority of comatose patients do not spontaneously wake up, some apparently do. And in that thought inheres the huge problem for society of how to relate to the somewhere between 100,000 and 200,000 Americans who exist in states of partial, faint, or minimal consciousness. Most will never recover. But some few may.

Many readers will remember Penny Marshall’s terrific 1990 movie, Awakenings, starring Robert De Niro and Robin Williams, and based on Oliver Sacks’ 1973 book of the same title. (Less well known is that Harold Pinter wrote a short play, A Kind of Alaska, based on Sacks’ book as well, which is often performed as part of a trilogy of the playwright’s one-act plays.) The story of the book and the movie (and presumably the play as well, which I’d like to see one day) is simple enough: a doctor working in 1969 at a public hospital in the Bronx is charged with caring for a ward of catatonic patients who survived the world-wide epidemic of encephalitis (specifically the version called encephalitis lethargica) in the 1920’s. The doctor, very movingly and effectively portrayed by the late Robin Williams, somehow has the idea to try using L-Dopa, a drug used to treat Parkinson’s Disease, on these patients and gets astounding results; the movie is basically about one of those patients, portrayed by Robert De Niro, whose “awakening” is depicted in detail. It doesn’t work in the long run, though; each “awakened” patient, including the one played by De Niro, eventually returns to catatonia no matter how high a dose of L-Dopa any is given. The movie thus ends both hopefully and tragically: the former because these people on whom the world had long-since given up were given a final act in the course of which they sampled, Rip Van Winkle-style, the world a half-century after they fell asleep; and the latter because, in the end, the experiment failed and no one was cured in anything like a long-term or fully meaningful way.

Why do these stories exert such a strong effect on me? It’s not that easy for me to say, but if I had to hazard a guess, I think I’d say that the concept of dying to the world briefly and then coming back to life to see what happened while you were gone is what draws me in. (Fans of Mark Twain will recall Tom Sawyer’s wish to be “dead temporarily.” But even Tom and Huck only manage to be gone from the world long enough to attend their own funeral and enjoy the eulogies they hear praising them, not to vanish for decades and then come back to life.) I’m sure there would be surprises if I were to go to bed tonight and wake up in 2089. Some would be amusing—seeing what model iPhone they’ve gotten up to or what version of Windows, or if anyone even remembers either—and some would be amazing: if the President of the United States in 2089 is sixty years old, then he or she won’t have been born yet.  But mostly it would be chastening, and in the extreme, to see how all the various things that seem so immutable, so permanent, so rooted in reality in our world, have all vanished from the world, as will probably also have all of the houses in which we live today, the banks in which we store our cash, and even the shore lines that mark the boundary between the wine-dark sea and the dry land upon which we live in safety or think we do. Depending on a wide variety of factors, that thought is either depressing or exhilarating. But in either event, it makes it easier not to sweat the small stuff or allow our own anxieties to impact negatively on the pleasures life can offer to the living.

I will bring all these thoughts with me as I prepare for Israel in a few weeks’ time because the Rip Van Winkle and Terry Wallis stories are Jerusalem’s own as well. The vibrant center of Jewish life for more than a millennium when the Temple was destroyed in the first century, the city was suddenly emptied of its Jews by its Roman overlords who renamed it and forbade Jews from living there. And yet…some small remnant always remained in place while the city slept. And then, just when the Jewish Jerusalem’s faint consciousness seemed poised to flicker and die out entirely…just the opposite happened as Jews from all over the world built a new city on the outskirts of the old one and breathed consciousness and life itself into its ancient alleys and byways. As the patient came back to life, she didn’t only re-enter history either—she began to be a player in her own story, stepping off the stage to become her own play’s playwright and director. It felt like a miracle then and it feels like one to me today too.

When I’m in Jerusalem, I myself feel my consciousness expanding and becoming in equal parts rejuvenated, reconstituted, and revivified. I never run out of things to do, to write, to read, to experience. I can’t imagine being bored in Jerusalem, even on a hot day in mid-summer when I could just as easily be on the beach in Tel Aviv. I love the beach! But there is something about the air in Jerusalem, and the light, that is the spiritual version of L-Dopa that Robin Williams gives his patients in Penny Marshall’s movie. Except that it doesn’t wear off with time and, if anything, only gets stronger and more powerful as the weeks I spend in Jerusalem pass one by one until the time comes to come home and begin a new year in this place we have all settled.