#technically ones of these is “arkham knight” but same fucking thing

[brucewaynehater101]

Why is Batman/Bruce Wayne in Jason's Robin era so.... cunty?

Yes. However, if you could provide photographic evidence of your claims, I'd appreciate it.

In the meantime, let me raise a different query:

Why does the Red Hood have such a snatched waist across different universes?

[heavysighing-dreamyeyes]

imagine like reader being a detective or something, being on the case to catch Red Hood (while he’s still a crime boss)/ the Arkham Knight, but being in a relationship with Jason, unaware of his nightly business. And then boom, they find out one day and it’s all angsty 🤞🤞 love ur work btw hihi

Betrayal

Hi, nonnie! I thought I had this done earlier, but then I had to keep world building. Stuck with Red Hood on this one. Hurt/No comfort warning. Non-graphic, very minor character death. ~1.8k words

Gotham is cursed. That's what they told you when you transfered to the GCPD. Yeah, you've heard the stories, but they're just messing with you, right? Trying to scare the newest rookie cop.

Except they were telling the truth. A few years later, more cases than you can keep track of, enough masked rouges to fill arkham three times over, and a promotion to detective, you tell the rookies the same thing they told you. Gotham is cursed.

"Alright, Detective, this one is yours." You make a face at the case file the Commissioner drops on your desk.

"Sir, I took care of The Penguin robbery last week, isn't it someone elses turn to deal with the high profile cases?" You gingerly pick up the file, reading over the name Red Hood stamped on the front.

Gordan sighs at you, already turning away to move onto the next poor detective. "We cycled through everyone else after the Black Gate breakout. Anyone who didn't work on it has active cases. That makes this one yours."

You grumble reluctantly, cases like this lead to more press coverage than you want to deal with, but start flipping through the file, mentally noting down the sparse facts and theories about the up and coming crime lord.

That was four months ago. In such a short amount of time, Red Hood has taken over more territory in Gotham than any other crime lord and completely changed the game. No dealing to children, no human trafficking. You hate to acknowledge it, but crime technically has dropped since he took over the majority of gangs in Gotham under an iron fist.

The work is exhausting, he's always one– no, five steps ahead of you and your growing team of detectives and beat cops. You don't think you've even gotten a real glimpse at him that he didn't mean to let you have.

The closest you've gotten to Red Hood was out of uniform, weeks after you got the case, when he was still a new name on the streets.

It was a robbery, some desperate punk in a mask that didn't conceal anything, was dragging a little girl out of the store as a hostage.

"Take me instead, she's just a kid." You had protested, heart sinking at the terror in the little girls face.

"Not a chance." He barked back at you.

"Look, she's scared, she'll only slow you down."

The gunman stares at you, you see his fingers twitch. "Fuck it. Fine. Both of you are coming with me." That's how you ended up in some alley, familiar sirens wailing in the distance and your hand curled protectively with the child's.

"Shit. Man. Shit. The cops weren't supposed to be here. What am I gonna do? I can't go to jail." He's snapping. Rambling and desperate. Your eyes dart for some kind of plan, a way to help the little girl stay safe. But the alley is empty, not even a dumpster to seek shelter behind. "I just gotta get rid of the witnesses. Yeah. The witnesses."

Your eyes dart to him, he's lifting the gun. You don't hesitate to grab the little girl, wrapping your arms around her and turning your back to the man, tucking her to your chest to provide as much cover as you can provide.

A gun fires.

There's a thud.

You look over your shoulder, the girls face still hidden against you. He's not moving, gun unshot and laying next to him on the ground. There's a pool of dark liquid forming around him. You look up.

You manage to see a red glint, the shine of a gun, the eerie glow of a luminescent eyes. Red Hood.

That's all you manage to see before you're swarmed by cops, guiding you and the girl to safety.

It's a memory that plays in your mind sometimes, when you hear testimonies of how Red Hood saves people in crime alley, despite his crime lord status. It's confusing, exhausting even, to try and sort between the good and the bad, the duality of one man. At least you have your loving boyfriend to come home to.

Jason. He makes you feel like Gotham might not be so cursed. It's great, he gives you butterflies. He makes you happy. You cook meals together, and you both work the weird twilight/night shift hours. He holds you like you're precious under your shared comforter. You think you might love him. He whispers sweet nothings into your hair when he thinks you're sleeping. You kiss his palms when his eyes get that far away, haunted look he can’t seem to explain.

He's insisted on cooking dinner tonight as you watch him, a little starry eyed. You can't really blame yourself when he's shirtless and working over your favorite meal.

"Oh, Jason, I need to wash my clothes. Do you need anything done?" You ask, finally remembering that you do actually have a job and responsibilities and you can't stare at your handsome boyfriend all day.

"No, I'm good, baby. Go ahead and do your thing. Dinner's almost done." He answers idly, shooting you a lazy grin as you stand.

You smile back before leaving the kitchen to gather your clothes. As you dump the dirty laundry in the washer, you realize you never refilled the detergent. Mumbling an annoyed curse, you head to the spare bedroom you rarely use. There should be some extra necessities stock piled in there. You know, for the next time a criminal messes with Gothams chain supply.

You're more focused on the delicious smells floating through the apartment as you open the closet door, idly looking around for the detergent. That's why it doesn't really click in your mind what you're looking at. Guns. Armor. Your thoughts freeze to a stop. Are you dating some kind of henchman? A bright red helmet takes up your vision. Nope. You're dating a crime boss.

The helmet is in your hands and you're fumbling your way to the kitchen before you even have your thoughts sorted. Should you call for back up? Shouldn't you try to catch him by surprise? Sure. But, you need answers. You want this to be a misunderstanding. You want Jason to be your partner– not– not what the evidence that's heavy in your hand says he is.

Statistics run through your mind. Stories of Red Hood saving working girls. Stories of him leaving bodies of dealers that sold to kids. Then, memories of your boyfriend. How he leans down to kiss your forehead. How runs his hand up and down your arm while you watch movies together. If there was a sign. If you were too blind and in love to realize.

He turns to look at you when you stalk in. You throw the helmet at him. The helmet you'd recognize anywhere, even if you've never gotten close enough to touch it before. He catches it with the grace of a predator. "The hell is this, Jason?"

"It's a helmet." He says evenly, turning off the stove and placing the helmet down on the counter.

"No, duh, it's a helmet, Jason. Don't patronize me. Is it yours?" You nearly hiss, hands curling in anger and frustration and heart break you're not ready to admit you're feeling.

He studies you, eyes dark and calculating. It makes you bite the inside of you cheek. His eyes never looked at you like that before. "It is."

You laugh out of disbelief, stepping back. "So you've been using me? Is that what all this was? Just a way to get information about the GCPD and what we had on you?"

"What? No." He says your name a little pleading, "it's not like that. Not anymore."

"But it was." You bite out, cursing yourself for the sting of tears in your eyes.

He steps closer, you step back, trying to keep your hands from shaking. He whispers your name, and you think you see hurt flash in his eyes before it disappears. His voice goes steady, even. "It was. But I haven't tried to get anything like that since–"

"Since when, Jason?" You cut off, anger and hurt clear in your voice, in your face. "Was it before we raided the warehouse at the docks? Is my computer bugged? Did you hack my phone?"

He winces. You don't need to be a detective to know he has. "I haven't used them since we started getting serious."

"And when was that, Jason?" You ask, voice breaking at his name. "Because it's been serious this entire time for me."

He doesn't answer at first, gaze leaving you to stare at his helmet. "Since I– I saw you save that kid. Instead of going after that shooter. When I realized you weren't just another one of the corrupted cops. That you care about this city. And the people. I realized I couldn't keep doing that to you."

You go quiet. What can you say to that? "Were you ever going to tell me?" You settle on.

"I don't know." He shrugs helplessly, eyes leaving the helmet to meet your teary gaze. "I didn't know how. I don't– think I wanted you to know. " He stutters over his last sentence, and then says your name, pleading coming back to his tone. "I can't lose you over this."

"You never had me!" Your voice raises, a shout in anger before you can bury it down. You shake your head, wrapping your arms around yourself protectively and lowering your voice. "You never had me if everything this was was built on a lie."

"It's not a lie." He says firmly, snapping to attention and stepping towards you. He gestures between the two of you, says your name like he demands your attention. "This is not a lie."

"It is, Jason! You're only here to gain something from me! From my job!" You push back, throat tight and head spinning. Maybe you shouldn't be yelling at Gothams most dangerous and deadliest crime boss, but your heart is too broken for your head to think straight.

"No, pretty." You think he's pleading. You think his mouth might even be trembling as he speaks, but you can't make it out through the tears in your eyes. "No. It was like that at first. I know. I know that hurts you, but, it's not like that now. It's nowhere near that now."

"I don't care." You choke out.

"You don't mean that." Jason protests, but he doesn't sound certain.

"I don't want to see you anymore." You say the words before you're even sure you want that.

His face drops. "You don't mean that either."

"I do." It tastes like a lie. It sounds like the truth. You're turning and leaving before he can speak again, before you can unpack what you really want, locking yourself in the bathroom.

You fall asleep to the sound of your own tears, curled on the cold tile floor. You wake to silence. His helmet is gone from your counter when you enter the kitchen.

Your favorite dinner is wrapped in plastic when you open the fridge.

It makes the truth of it all worse. Gotham really is cursed.

Part Two

[benbamboozled]

Hi after seeing ur ship-pos post on my dash (i am A mutual) i wanted to make a confession. You dont have to answer this but i felt this would be a safe place to share with *someone* because I thought about this too long one night and made myself sad bc i was too scared to share on my blog

But I just rlly want arkham knight & redhjason to be intensely protective of one another. It's not pseudo-incest if you're technically the same person right. I don't know how they would exist in the same universe but *handwaves* dc does dimension crashes for less interesting reasons.

Archie survived so much bullshit nd Red just wants to pamper this amazing incredible intelligent determined *breathtaking* guy & maybe convince him to at least temporarily leave the vigilante-ing to Red and his crew because AK deserves a fucking bREAK

but Archie's perfectly capable of being a stubborn wet cat when he wants to be. He earned every right to be difficult when it suits him. So he doesnt put his life on the line directly (because its kinda nice when someone honestly cares abt you and you want to make them happy in thanks) but he builds Red the COOLEST gadgets (im pretty sure he invented a lot of his militias tech?? Or is that an amazing B:AK fanfic I once read talking directly to my brainrot) and if Batman even breathes in Red's direction all of Archie's remote control drones will come over & hunt him for sport

I also HC that AK has moderate to severe chronic pain in many of his limbs (esp shoulders & ankles) and reduced function in specific muscle groups due to his period of torture, and while Red can't get him into the habit of using a wheelchair (bad memories 😬) and he vehemently protests against getting a mobility scooter, they at least have crutches stored in every place they crash at throughout Gotham. If Archie refuses to use them during a flare-up Red will pick him up and carry him to where he was going. Wanna be difficult? Fine. I can too - didn't you know? Silly, I'm you!

WHAAAT!! ANON I LOVE ALL OF THIS.

I’m bummed that you don’t feel comfortable going off on your own blog because this is *chef’s kiss* EXACTLY my jam. So thank you for posting it to meeee!

ALSO ALSO ALSO they would both be so flustered by someone wanting to protect them and having someone in their lives who feels like they deserve protection! They’re both so used to just…sucking it up and going at it alone! (And canon!Jay would be incandescently pissed about what happened to AK!Jay.)

I also HC that AK has moderate to severe chronic pain in many of his limbs (esp shoulders & ankles) and reduced function in specific muscle groups due to his period of torture, and while Red can't get him into the habit of using a wheelchair (bad memories 😬) and he vehemently protests against getting a mobility scooter, they at least have crutches stored in every place they crash at throughout Gotham. If Archie refuses to use them during a flare-up Red will pick him up and carry him to where he was going. Wanna be difficult? Fine. I can too - didn't you know? Silly, I'm you!

Okay…as someone with a disability that affects their mobility + chronic pain…yes I love all of this so much. (And I would REALLY LOVE TO SEE THIS KIND OF THING IN COMICS!!! DC! I’m looking at you!)

Okay…okay…I just really really love all of this concept. These two just deserve to be happy and taken care of and to be around someone who gets them on a fundamental level.

(Please tell me you’ve seen that @jjmk-jjmk art of RH!Jay/AK!Jay? I’ll dig it up…AH here it is! Go here for goodness. Imagine that this is right before they kiss.)

[curious-menace]

Batman has put on a bit of quarantine weight (he could lose it but he's like fuck it I'm cool with having a muffin top) and his villains take notice how would they all react to slightly softer looking batman bonus if one of villains is like supportive like you look adorable all chubby bats..like a cuddly bat plush.

dad bod batman. 

that is all. 

jk here are some headcanons

Penguin 

well he’s a lil chubby himself so i doubt he’s going to be in a position to throw any stones in this particular glass house. You could argue that batman looks the same since some men look really fat when its actually muscle. think rugby players, professional weight lifters (not body builders thats all for show) and maybe professional boxers? look at albert king in arkham knight. he’s chubby but he’s a brick wall! either way i dont think penguin will be treating him any different. batman can still punch his lights out and now with a bit of extra weight? he’s going to hit like a runaway train. 

TwoFace

Again, he doesnt spend much time looking at batmans ass while he’s running away from him. he might make some jokes about how batman weights if he landed on him for a take down, maybe joke like catwoman about needing a few more notches in his utility belt. To be honest, this whole quarantine isolation thing has him a bit down in the dumps. he’s probably just happy to see another human being, even if it is batman.  

Ivy

Shes teasing but not mean, like selina. shes loving quarantine life. nobody bothers her and she’s free to be with her plants all day long. she’s basically just chilling in the botanic gardens, since its closed due to not being an essential service. when batman shows up to check on her, she notices something is different but doesnt pin point it right away. but when he jumps down from the rafters and makes her glass herb gardens rattle she burst out laughing. again, shes not being mean, she just genuinely finds this hilarious that even the great batman has put on a few pounds in lock down. yes, she is loving the new look, softer around the edges and better for sitting on if he was under mind control

Scarecrow

i mean this in the nicest way possible but scarecrow literally does not give one tiny fuck. he’s gotten so much work done in lockdown without people bothering him, he’s soo deep in his research that he doesn't even notice batman approach. he does freak the fuck out , flinging vials of his new toxin 10 feet in the air in fright when he turns around and batman is standing there. the vials land far enough away that they aren't in any danger. still Stawman is pissed that batman just had to show up right then and scare the piss out of him. but he hasn't seen another human in like 3 months and since his research is ruined, he asks batman to stay for a few minutes. there's nothing technically illegal afoot in his lab right now, so why not see how crane is holding up? he sits in one of scarecrow old chairs that groans like a dying animal under his weight. scarecrow might raise an eyebrow but he’s not going to stay anything, not right now anyway. 

Riddler

oh thank GOD ! another human being! riddler is glad, actually fuckin glad to see batman. he’s been so BORED since lockdown started he actually contemplated kidnapping some people just so he’d have company. i made a joke once that you cant gag any riddler because they’ll just store it up and ramble more later. this is exactly what happens with batman when riddler spots him , he’s speaking so fast the flash would have trouble understanding him “Come in batman, sit down make yourself comfortable, not in that chair that’s a deathtrap ive been working on. have you put on a little weight? nevermind im sure you can work it off in my newest puzzle its very- wait where are you going?!” speaking of bat plushies , riddler absolutely has a batman plush on his desk that he likes to ramble at. when the real bats leaves he makes a mental note to put some more stuffing into plushie batman.

Harley

Harley hugs batman. i guess its ok, she might as well be part of his bubble for all the time they spend together. she notices right away hes put on a few but shes not one  to complain. makes him soft, its a nice change from jokers bones and refusal to give her even a head pat. Batman is a softie at heart, he cant bring himself to push her away. she’s mostly compliments about him looking soft and chubby and invites to stay with her or wont he please please please take her to the batcave shes so bored and she misses the robins, god help her she even misses the other rogues. she also misses going outside but technically a cave isnt outside so shes not breaking any rules and surely there must be enough room to be socially distant in a place that size.  batman disappears for a few hours, seemingly ignoring her request . he returns with plushies of all the rogues and batfam, and a special bat patterned facemask just for her. this earns him another not so socially distant hug with harley possibly not quite copping a feel of his new love handles and plump butt. 

this was very silly but an enjoyable write, thank you for the prompt nonnie! i must admit, im more like scarecrow than harley. i like being inside, but i worry im getting to use to it and if things return to normal (relatively speaking) i wont want to go back out again. 

i suppose that's a problem for future shep right?

got something you wanna talk about? send me an ask or a dm!💜💙💛🧡💚❤️

[themattress]

My Top 30 Favorite Video Games

Inspired by @ultraericthered’s Top 30 Favorite Anime post. 

Although I’m doing mine in countdown form, ‘cause it’s more fun that way!

30. Super Mario Bros. - Arguably the first “blockbuster” game to be released, not only does Super Mario Bros. still hold up over 35 years later but it’s a gift that keeps on giving with how many different incarnations, remixes, fan games using its assets, etc. that we have now.

29. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - OBJECTION! While I cherish the entire original Phoenix Wright trilogy of the Ace Attorney franchise, I’ll always be the most partial to the original outing. The sheer audacity and hilarity of the concept, which is grounded by endearing characters and compelling mysteries, shines brilliantly in this little, easily accessible game. 

28. Trigger Happy Havoc: Danganronpa - While similar in many ways to Ace Attorney, Danganronpa boasts a variety of more actual gameplay than mere point-and-click text scrolling. But what really makes this stand out, beyond gameplay or even the strength of its concept, story and characters, is the atmosphere it creates. For good and for ill, traversing the pristine, neon-lit hallways of the abandoned Hopes Peak Academy looking for clues as I’m forced to play by Monokuma’s twisted rules is an experience that will stay with me forever.

27. Star Fox 64 - Beyond all the entertainment this game provides through memes, it’s really just a fun, reasonably simple but just moderately complicated enough game that’s accessible to any player even if they usually don’t go for aerial shooters. It’s also one of the earliest console games that I ever played, so of course it’s going to hold a special place in my heart.

26. Batman: Arkham City - It’s an impressive feat when an open world game can still feel so claustrophobic in all the right ways, and that’s what Arkham City accomplishes. This game is essentially The Dark Knight to Arkham Asylum’s Batman Begins, escalating the action, suspense and sheer Batman-ness, providing unlimited opportunities to enjoy yourself playing as Gotham’s defender and facing down the greatest Rogues Gallery in comic book history.

25. Red Dead Redemption - Look, I know that Red Dead Redemption 2 is technically the superior game. But its complicated story, sprawling cast of characters, and vast canvas of a world can be pretty daunting, whereas I feel like the original Red Dead Redemption struck a much better balance. Allowing open world freedom within the confines of the straight-forward story of John Marston’s redemption really makes you feel like you’re in an old Western film, and the way that choices you make as a player impact the way that film ultimately turns out is one of the strongest arguments for video games being worthy of consideration as true art.

24. The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - So, ten years ago an open world adventure video game series releases its fifth entry...and to this day, we’ve had no sixth, in favor of expansions and updated re-releases of said fifth entry. But that’s not a sign of laziness; it’s a sign the developers know they hit such a peak in quality that they have no need to rush anything further out the gate, as Skyrim is a gift that keeps on giving. Addictive in how unlimited in possibilities it is, with each playthrough never being the same as the one before, Skyrim is a gaming masterpiece that I don’t think I’m going to get bored with playing anytime soon.

23. Super Paper Mario - This may be an unpopular opinion, but I vastly prefer this game’s action-platform-RPG hybrid gameplay style to the prior installments’ traditional turn-based RPG style, which feels more at home in stuff like Super Mario RPG and the Mario & Luigi series. But gameplay aside, I think this has the strongest story of any Mario game, trading in the usual “save the kingdom/princess” fare for saving all of reality, with legitimate emotion and drama and even character development. It’s one of the Wii’s shining gems, to be sure.

22. Epic Mickey - This game’s graphics are by and large unremarkable, its gameplay is fraught with issues (that camera is unforgivable), and it’s nowhere close to the best on its system or genre. But Epic Mickey is a case study in where the effort put into crafting the game’s world and story, not to mention the obvious love and respect for the material being worked with, pays off. Any Disney fan will love this game for its story, which puts Mickey front and center as an actual character rather than a mascot and dives deep into his history as he meets his “half-brother” Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, and its mystical, unique atmosphere - what the graphics can’t deliver, the fucking music more than makes up for. All of the game’s flaws mean nothing compared to the sheer heart on display, and I treasure it greatly as a result.

21. Batman: Arkham Asylum - I already mentioned that Arkham City is the superior game, but as was the case with Red Dead Redemption and its sequel, personal preference strikes again. The simpler story and narrower confines of Arkham Asylum just appeal to me slightly more, and I feel like the borderline horror atmosphere this game has could never fully be replicated by all of its sequels and spin-offs. Also, you can play as the Joker in this. WIN.

20. Metal Gear Solid - And on the subject of Arkham Asylum, it owes much to this game, which created the template of a lone badass hero having to use stealth and weaponry to liberate a government-owned island from the lunatic terrorists that have taken over. Hideo Kojima famously never wanted this game to have any sequels, and I can definitely see his point, as it’s a complete and wholly satisfying experience in of itself and I don’t feel like it’s ever been topped. At the very least, it’s certainly the most enjoyable of the series to me.

19. The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask - Also, speaking of “borderline horror atmosphere”, we have the freakiest game that the Legend of Zelda series ever put out. What was supposed to just be a gaiden to Ocarina of Time mutated into this beautiful monstrosity that’s become just as iconic. Nobody who plays this game is ever going to forget that fucking moon and all the constant jumping back and forth in time across three days as you try to prevent the apocalypse of Termina. It’s the kind of gaming trauma that’s well worth experiencing.

18. Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories - Like Majora’s Mask, this game is a case study where you can take a bunch of recycled assets and gameplay, and then make something unique from it if you have a well-crafted story with a dark and disturbing atmosphere. It’s hard to experience or appreciate the transition between Kingdom Hearts and Kingdom Hearts II without playing this midquel, which takes the narrative and characters to deeper levels without being pretentious about it and sets the stage for the proper console sequel perfectly. And if you can’t get into it being on Gameboy Advance, then just play the PS2 remake (which is arguably the superior version anyway) and you’re good! Just...don’t mind the cards, OK?

17. Sonic CD - And now we have another game about jumping back and forth through time to prevent an apocalypse! See the common threads at play here by this point? Sonic the Hedgehog is at his best in 2D gameplay, and I personally enjoy this the best out of all the 2D games in the series. As obscure as the Sega CD was as a system, it was powerful enough to take the blue blur’s speed to its maximum level, set alongside beautiful graphics and a kick-ass soundtrack (well, two different kick-ass soundtracks; and I actually prefer the US one). 

16. Pokemon Black & White - While there were advancements made to story and graphics and gameplay features in the third and fourth generations of the Pokemon series, nothing felt as truly ground-breaking as the second generation games until the fifth gen with its Black & White games. This was arguably the game series’ peak in quality on all fronts, but its specifically the story that lands it on this list, as its well-written and paced, subverts many formulaic elements from the previous games, is set in one of the most unique regions in the Pokemon world, and has a timeless message that has only grown more relevant with age. 

15. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate - The whole series could really go here, but fortunately the most recent entry is the perfect embodiment of said series, with every playable character there’s ever been and then some. The sheer variety is unmatched by any other fighting game out there, and its story mode, “World of Light”, is quite possibly the greatest video game crossover in history given how many characters are featured as both fighters and spirits.

14. Super Mario 64 - I’m pretty sure this game used to be higher in my favor, but replaying it on the Nintendo Switch recently has made me aware of how, as the first game on the Nintendo 64 and the first 3D platformer, it’s poorly aged in several areas. However, I must stress that it is still a very good game. The fun of going to the various worlds within paintings in Peach’s Castle hasn’t changed, nor has how smoothly and seamlessly Mario managed to make the jump from 2D to 3D. Just like Super Mario Bros., the number of games that owe something to this one is too great to count, and that’s an achievement that remains timeless.

13. Dark Chronicle - Also known as Dark Cloud 2. I hadn’t heard a damn thing about this game before renting it on a whim many years ago, and I was caught off guard by just how good it was. It’s got a simple but effective story and likable characters, a timeless atmosphere, beautifully cel-shaded graphics, dungeon-crawling gameplay, action-RPG combat gameplay, literal world-building gameplay, and even a fishing minigame! This game can actually stand besides the Zelda series without shame; it’s truly an underrated gem.

12. The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess - Oh, speaking of Zelda, this game goes full Lord of the Rings-style epic fantasy with it and it is glorious. Between the near perfect gameplay, beautiful 3D graphics, and one of the best stories in the series (with one of the best characters: Midna), Twilight Princess’ most prevalent complaint from critics all the way up to its own developers is that it wasn’t even MORE expansive and awesome given how long it was hyped, and if that’s the biggest issue with the game then I’d say it’s in pretty good shape.

11. Super Mario Galaxy - Super Mario 64 may be held back a little by how its aged, but no such thing is holding back Super Mario Galaxy. Super Mario Odyssey might be as good or possibly even better, but I just don’t hold the same feelings of amazement and respect toward it that I do for this game. From the blitzkrieg-style attack on the Mushroom Kingdom by Bowser to the discovery of Rosalina’s space station, this game had me hooked from the first few minutes, especially with it blaring that awesome orchestral score the whole way through. To this day, I maintain that this is Mario’s greatest 3D adventure. It’s simply magnificent.

10. Final Fantasy X - Ha! See what I did there? This game has caught flak for some of the awkwardness that comes from being the first fully 3D entry in the series, but I think that’s tantamount to nitpicking when compared to all it does right. To me, this was the last really good installment of the main Final Fantasy series, with a story and world so brilliantly developed that the game earned the immediate breakthrough success and acclaim that it found in its native Japan. 20 years later and, as the HD remaster has shown, it still holds up as one of the most engaging JRPG experiences I’ve ever had the pleasure of having.

9. Banjo-Kazooie - At the time, this was basically Rare’s copycat version of Super Mario 64, although considered about as good. Now, however, there’s a difference: the aging issues I mentioned for Super Mario 64 don’t apply for Banjo-Kazooie. Whether replaying it on the Nintendo 64 or on whichever Xbox you’ve got, this game is still just as fun, imaginative and hilarious now as it was back then. It’s quite possibly the greatest 3D platformer ever made.

8. Pokemon Crystal - The definitive edition of the Gold & Silver games of Pokemon’s second generation, taking what was already a phenomenal advancement and improvement to the first generation and making it even better with additional features such as the ability to play as a girl for the first time and a more clearly defined storyline centered around the legendary Pokemon featured on the game’s box art. Pokemon had been written off as just a passing fad up until this point. This was when its staying power as a video game juggernaut was proven.

7. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild - Talk about a win right out of the gate for the Nintendo Switch! This game returns the Legend of Zelda series to its roots while also applying all that has been made possible in video games since the original game’s release, and the result is an enthralling, addictive, open world masterpiece that has set a new standard of quality for both the Zelda series and for many modern video games in general.

6. Kingdom Hearts II - The Final Mix edition to be precise, although in this day and age that’s basically the only edition people are playing anyway. This game is the apotheosis of Kingdom Hearts as both a video game series and as a concept; filled to the brim with Disney magic and Square Enix RPG expertise and paired with some of the most refined action-based gameplay there is. And when it comes to bringing the original Kingdom Hearts trilogy’s story to a close, does this game ever stick the landing. The series could have ended right here and I would have been completely satisfied (and its reputation would be a lot better off, too!)

5. Pokemon Yellow - While I maintain that this game, the definitive edition of the original first generation Pokemon games, still holds up as fun to play even now, I’ll admit that it’s pure bias that it ranks so high. It was the first proper video game I ever played, there was no way I was leaving it off the top 5! Its blissful nostalgic atmosphere is always such a delight to return to.

4. Banjo-Tooie - Remember when I said Banjo-Kazooie was “quite possibly the greatest 3D platformer ever made”? The “quite possibly” is because its in stiff competition with its own sequel! And personally, I’m in Banjo-Tooie’s corner; something about how inter-connected its worlds are and the addition of so many things to do all while maintaining your full moveset from the original game is just beautiful to me. Both it and its predecessor are like obstacle courses that I never tire of running through, which is the hallmark of brilliant game design.

3. Kingdom Hearts - Another case where the sequel may be the superior game, but my own personal preference leans toward the original. And in this case, it’s a highly personal preference: this game and my memories of playing it for the first time are so very dear to me. The characters and worlds of Disney put into an epic crossover RPG was like a dream come true for me and no matter how far the series it spawned has deteriorated, nothing can detract from the magic of this game. It’s got a certain, indescribable feel and atmosphere that’s never truly been replicated, and that feel and atmosphere still holds up whenever I revisit it. The gameplay may not be the best, particularly when compared to Kingdom Hearts II’s, but the charm of the story and the characters and the world and the very concept more than makes up for that. As far as I’m concerned, it’s one of Disney and Square’s greatest masterpieces.

2. Final Fantasy VII - I was aware of the hype this game got and was totally ready to call it overrated, but damn it, it got me! I don’t know what it is about this game with its blocky early 3D graphics, poor sound quality to its excellent soundtrack, and frequently mistranslated script that proved to be so gripping and enjoyable to play through, but man did it ever Limit Break its way into my heart. This is considered a JRPG classic for a damn good reason.

1. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time - Do I really need to explain this one? It’s famous for being frequently cited as one of the greatest video games ever made, and like Final Fantasy VII, its hype is well-deserved and totally justified. Whether you’re playing it on the Nintendo 64, the Gamecube, the Wii, the 3DS, and hopefully the Nintendo Switch in the future, there is a magic quality to this game that permeates through every step you take in its fully 3D world. It’s a triumph that has stood the test of time, cementing the Zelda series as truly legendary.

[mad-men-inc]

🌻 🌻

HEY I FUCKING LOVE YOU

Okay so since this is technically two, and i might know who this is, I'm fucking rambling abt the superhero au and then abt Batman n ily <3

SO I HAVE THIS AU-

And basically the egos are either heroes or villains (they're v obvious distinctions, I'm a slut for cliches, sue me), but then theres *also* other people involved, aka me and my found family from discord, because I fucking love you guys a lot, and superheroes are my favorite fucking thing, so you get to be heroes too, cause you guys *are* heroes!

So so so, main character is me, Alex, aka Dragonfly, and they were adopted by Dad Squad, aka Ace, Mal, n Nic (but they arent the same people as they are oog, cause 1) story and plot mean I'm a bitch and 2) I dont want to ask or share details about their personal or professional lives, so I bs'ed it. Personalities are p much the same tho :D), and they looked up to the legend of Jackieboy Man, so they donned a red hoodie, a blue mask, and ran around helping people! It started off as small stuff, like helping elderly crossing the street, *visiting* elderly people in old folks homes, buying groceries for families that needed them, stopping ourse snatchers, the usual!

And then they meet Jackie for real, and realize *he's* real. So they bug the shit out of hin until he finally agrees to letting them shadow him for a night, and it goes well, and they save his ass from being ambushed, so he let's them stick around!

And they do some Hero Stuff by themself (which is a blurb I've actually written, n might post at some point :P), and Jackie freaks out and slowly starts to see them more as a friend than as a sidekick, and is actively worried about their wellbeing and shit.

And *then* a new villain shows up, hopping on Anti's turf and fucking shit up, and his first introduction is super fucking angsty/whumpy, theres some death and panic involved, I havent finished writing it but wooo boy it's going swell! XD

But but but, Alex gets caught up in his fire, literally, and between Jackie and the fire department, Lex *barely* gets out alive, and it's at this point I'm considering having Jackie unofficially adopt them, cause what else did you expect from this? Its dad *squad*, not dad trio XD

And like, theres small details I've written about Alex and their relationships with people and the world, but this feels like a hella long ramble already so for another time!

*So Batman*

I've been playing Arkham Knight a lot recently, and I've been trying to do side missions as I go so I'm not overwhelmed or bored by the end of the game

And it's been like 4 weeks since I touched the main mission, cause I love the side missions and just exploring Gotham, and Batman's animations are actually so fucking cool, and thE CHARACTERS IN THE SIDE MISSIONS ARE SO COOL

OKAY, SO I HAVE THE MAD HATTER DLC, AND HIS FINAL BOSS FIGHT IS THE COOLEST FUCKING THING, you fight on a story book, and the book is "Batman's Adventures in Arkham" or something similar, and the scenery is story book esq, and it takes you thru the 3 Arkham games (Origins doesnt count, bite me) stories, and the first time made me tear up, cause the enemies are the same!!!! Like, theyre in better detail, cause 2009 and 2011 graphics were awful, but they're the same theme and design and !!!!!! Its so fucking cool :D

But theres also a Nightwing side mission, and man I love him so much, and and theres a long fucking Riddler one, and since I was him for halloween I'm so excited to beat him and kick his ass

And you bet your ass i talk to the game

So hes like "No! How could you have beaten me! You must've cheated!" And I'm all like "nah bro, I'm just you :)" and it's so dumb but I love it

Funny enough, Riddler is my least favorite-favorite villain XD

Like, I love him, but hes so frustrating and borderline annoying, and I hate that word a lot, but sometimes you just gotta shut up, man! I get it, you have a cool fuckin thing planned for me, but the game is literally restraining me from the location, so please fuck off for now!

But but but, Catwoman's there, and shes so fucking pretty and I love her- AND NYSSA AL GHUL IS ALSO IN ONE SIDE MISSION, AND IM SO FUCKING GAY FOR HER, AND IF YOU DO THE MISSION A CERTAIN WAY, YOU GET TO SEE HER KILL SOME BITCHES WITH A SWORD, AND SHES HAPPY WITH YOU AND FRIENDS WITH YOU, AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH, I THINK IVE ONLY SEEN THE OTHER HALF OF THE MISSION ONCE, cause I dont want her mad at me :(

And!!!! And theres a whole scene with Robin in this movie studio, and you two get to fight together, and I'm avoiding spoilers but that's my favorite environment, and Robin is by far my fave character, and Draginfly is actually Robin in every measure.

They're dressed in bright clothes to draw attention, their main tactic is hope the people dont fucking shoot when they confront them, and they distract while Jackie sneaks up to do the Real Takedown. Alex is Robin confirmed :3

Oh!!! My fave Robin is Jason, and I cant really explain why, hes such an asshole and he was a villain for a while, but like

Idk, have you seen him? Hes such a punk ass bitch who doesnt take shit from anybody if he can help it, and he keeps his morals while still being threatening ("sell your drugs, but if I hear abt you selling to kids, I'll find you")

And like, Under the Red Hood was one of the first animated shows I watched, and tell me that isnt the bestest Jason???? Jensen Ackles??? Saying "like yelling at the guy holding the AK-47" (which, by the way, is my favorite Jason line ever, in any version)???? I love it, we stan him

This got off track real fast, fucking whoops, I'm a disaster, but thank you my dear anon friend, you're fucking great <333333

[dreadhaus-literature]

{January Collection} #28

Stoplights

Note: I’m forgoing the weekly themes this week because we’re technically in some weird “5th week” scenario for January, so I’ll start them back over next week and they’ll run the four weeks of February like normal.

How many different ways are there to fall in love at first sight?

Gotham streets aren’t safe at night--some might argue they aren’t safe during the day--but that doesn’t stop it’s millions of residents from crowding sidewalks between well-lit skyscrapers and neon fronted nightclubs. Yet as the hours tick by and the night creeps it’s way through alleys and side streets, the foot traffic slowly starts to wane and the pickings for those with criminal intentions grows thinner and thinner. On one particularly empty street, a very distinctive vehicle makes a drifting left turn and screams its way down the uninterrupted pavement. All matte black with matching blacked out windows and a design straight from a young boy’s fantasy, this vehicle was easily distinguishable amongst even the newest of Gotham’s residents.

The Batmobile.

One would expect the interior of the Batmobile to be just as dark as the exterior and usually, they’d be right. But tonight, there was a dash of purple, a pinch of green, and a kiss of red--that split into a garish grin only for the maniacal laughter of none other than The Joker to fill the interior of Gotham’s most notable vehicle.

“Oh, Batsy, really? You never disappoint.” Joker ran purple gloved fingers over the arc of the Batmobile’s passenger door. “This is everything I thought the Batmobile would be.”

Bruce Wayne, thankfully only known to The Joker as Batman, kept his eyes on the road as he tried to ignore his companion for the evening. The Joker had escaped from Arkham, again, but thankfully Batman had been able to capture him before he’d been able to get up to...well, much. A half-dozen bodies in Joker’s wake was thankfully low in comparison to some of his other, more destructive days.

“I told you before I think an air freshener would brighten up the space in here,” Joker moved his bound hands from the door to the rearview mirror, only to cackle as Batman shoved his hands away. “Oh, don’t be that way Bats! I’m only looking out for your best interests. You’re in here so much...” Joker paused, inhaling deeply with that maniacal grin. “It really does smell like you.”

Bruce couldn’t help but grimace. “I’m normally the only one in here.”

“And here I thought you didn’t want me to feel special.” Joker leaned back in his seat, the stark white of his skin a contrast to the all-black interior. Joker really was the only color in the entire vehicle, from his purple suit and gloves to his green vest and hair, the painted grin on his face a slash of red not unlike the near decapitated victims he’d left on the sidewalk earlier. A simple message of broken bodies all arranged to spell out “Batsy”.

The Joker was nothing if he wasn’t consistently...insanely devoted to making Batman’s life as difficult as possible.

Behind his cowl, Bruce’s eyes widened. This wasn’t the first time he’d noticed Joker’s devotion to the idea of being the yin to Batman’s yang, but maybe it was time to suggest...an alternative? A hobby might be a stretch to suggest to The Joker, and he’d likely argue he already had hobbies--each more horrifying than the last--but as Bruce rounded another corner, weaving in and out of main street traffic with ease, he didn’t know what else to suggest. Something had to be able to penetrate that madness, Bruce believed everyone could be rehabilitated in some capacity. Even The Joker.

“You want to feel special? I’m not the one to give that to you.”

Joker turned, two-toned gaze locking on his unwilling companion. Strands of green hung low over Joker’s forehead as a result of Batman’s rough handling, but Joker didn’t care enough to push his hair back. He was too busy listening to that deep baritone.

“You wouldn’t have to do all this if you found something that actually gave you what you were looking for.”

“And what am I looking for, Bats? If Arkham’s quacking labcoats can’t convince me needlepoints will solve all my problems, not even your ridiculous biceps will beat that into my head.” Joker leered at Batman from the passenger seat, his spine audibly cracking as he leaned forward. “Are you going to try that again? Hmmmm? Tell me to get a hobby like the other drooling simpletons in Arkham? A lot of good that does them, you still pummel the living shit out of them, too.”

“I wouldn’t if you’d stay in Arkham and stick to your rehabilitation.”

At this, The Joker openly threw his head back, his crazed cackling filling the high-tech interior of the Batmobile. “Aren’t you hilarious tonight?! Aren’t you fucking funny tonight, Batsy! Be honest, am I the only one who sees you like this? So full of good ideas and brilliant solutions to all Gotham’s problem children?”

“The Asylum wouldn’t be there if it didn’t help.”

“Push a boulder up a hill and try to beat it down the other side and you’ll wind up one of Nygma’s stupid riddles,” Joker spat, red lips curling to reveal his distaste at the idea...of The Riddler getting to claim Batman for himself. “I prefer you as the butt of all my jokes, Darling.”

“Touching.” Bruce quipped dryly as the Batmobile tore over one of Gotham’s many bridges, the street lights casting yellow over the formidable vehicle.

“Besides, if I find something new to focus my energy on, my time and attention, all my love and devotion...” Joker walked his fingers up Bruce’s arm on the steering wheel. “Where would that leave you?”

It was a mocking question that in no way belied concern, and rather than push Joker’s hand away, Bruce turned to face Joker as he finally slowed to a stop for the first red light of the evening. Joker’s grin was knowing, as if he’d caught Batman between a rock and a hard place, but before Batman could respond and quash that, The Joker did a double-take and completely took his attention off Bruce. Joker’s fingers slowly lowered from Bruce’s arm, his entire posture rigid as he stared out the windshield like a predator scenting new prey.

“Joker.” Bruce’s baritone couldn’t pierce the veil of concentration that had Joke enraptured. “Joker!” Confused and more than a little concerned, Bruce turned his attention to the windshield and knew, in an instant, just who had caught Joker’s eye.

The crosswalk was littered with a few night-time pedestrians, some vagrants pushing shopping carts and others were gang members swapping street corners, but in the center of it all was nothing short of an angel. January chill demanded a coat and boots against the snow and icy wind, but the high-cut of the designer jacket left tantalizing view of legs encased in skintight denim right down to knee-high catwalk boots that glided over snow and ice with the grace of a model. Icy winds whispered through brilliant blonde hair that was cut short, complimenting feminine features designed to be remembered as if sculpted by the hands of a Goddess and when she turned, staring at the distinctive Batmobile as she hesitated on the crosswalk, green eyes seemed to pierce the glass to ensnare not one, but two.

“Well well well, hello you,” Joker all but purred, and though the beautiful woman had no way of seeing them through the tinted windshield he still raised his bound hands to wiggle twitching, desperate fingers at her. “How beautifully breakable she must be...my little glass doll, pretty little toy...”

Bruce hadn’t moved, hadn’t said a word even as ice dropped into his belly at the sound of Joker’s voice and his insane, muttered ramblings--but that wasn’t his only reaction. Something sharp and burning caught up his heart like a fiery fist, squeezing until a jealous rage threatened to rend the Batman’s control until he snapped and split Joker’s head on the dashboard.

Outside the Batmobile, Monica lifted her phone to snap a picture of the vehicle; the stoplight behind her was still red, casting the matte black car in a sinister light--it was a warning to her that something terrible was happening inside the car, but it was something she had no way of knowing.

The Joker was no stranger to obsession, to insane devotion that consumed him like fire, day in and day out. After all, he was self-aware enough to know what sort of relationship he had with Gotham’s Dark Knight. This, however...this was different. Whoever this was outside the Batmobile, this was someone he needed to know. He would know, oh yes, he would. Every fiber of Joker’s being was aware of her, in tune with her, so that when she moved he seemed to respond, mirroring her actions so that when her hand lowered from taking the picture, his lowered into his lap. How would she look, perched upon him? Like a doll, a gorgeous, breakable, fuckable little doll, he just knew it. His strong fingers slowly curled into fists, his tongue running over his teeth as his pulse quickened and his entire world continued to narrow until she was the only thing he saw. They say psychopaths are incapable of love but Joker isn’t afraid to laugh in anyone’s face and he knew what he was feeling; they love, he can love, it just won’t be healthy or sane. It won’t be the sort of love they write children’s books about, because nothing he wanted to do to this stunning creature was suitable for children. He exhaled in a single rush of frustration at the space separating them and in that moment, Joker made the decision that once he got his hands on her, there would never be space between them. He’d even stay in Arkham if Bruce would put her in his cell--as suddenly, his relationship with even the Batman seemed...secondary. The only thing that mattered was the beautiful young woman so close he wanted to taste her.

Bruce was having something of a similar reaction, his heart thudding a warning in his chest that betrayed he knew what Joker was thinking--because he was thinking much the same. Love and obsession go hand in hand, even if the world will fight to convince you healthy love doesn’t stem from an almost violent need to love your partner to death. Bruce didn’t know this young woman, he’d never seen her before, but in that moment he couldn’t remember what it was like to not know her. The world fell away until it was only him and her and his desperate need to protect her from the dangerous man in the passenger seat who had absolutely, undoubtedly noticed her. Bruce had never fallen in love at first sight, he hadn’t even been sure he believed in such a thing but this felt like a punch in the gut so even as the crosswalk timer began to wind down and the beautiful young woman pocketed her phone and turned to walk away, Bruce remained frozen in his seat. Every fiber of his being was screaming at him to open the door, to get out, to go talk to her because if he never saw her again he’d never be okay another day in his life. He liked to think himself untouchable, it was how he continued to walk off injuries and heartbreak that would cripple a lesser man but he was on his knees for her and he didn’t even know her name. Is this how it starts? Is this what movies and novels tell stories about? The way nothing else seems as important as the one you love, the one you want, the one you need so badly breathing is difficult the further and further they get away--

“What are you waiting for?! Go!”

Bruce was ripped away from watching her walk away by The Joker’s desperate shout. The light hadn’t changed, but of course that was of no consequence to Joker; he was staring at Bruce with a wild gaze, sitting forward in his seat to gesture toward the same girl they’d both instantly fell for.

“...” Bruce didn’t know what to say; his head was continually replaying the sashay of that sinful walk so that he had to physically shake his head to clear it. “Arkham...is the other way.”

“Arkham?! You think I’m going back to Arkham, now?! Don’t be an idiot,” Joker sneered. “Follow her, Bats. Now.”

It was the first time Bruce actually, openly considered The Joker’s train of thought, and it was likely the first time their thoughts had aligned. Bruce no longer wanted to take Joker to Arkham; no, the jealous vigilante wanted to drown him in the nearest body of water and then go after the beautiful mystery woman.

“You’re the one who said I should find a new focus, a new hobby,” Joker was talking but he wasn’t looking at Batman. He was clutching the dashboard of the Batmobile with bound, gloved hands, his face near pressing against the windshield to watch her walk away. “I found her.”

“No.”

Joker didn’t move his head, but his gaze snapped to Batman, the grin slowly growing like a disease upon his pale features. “You found her too, didn’t you?”

“That’s enough. I’m taking you to Arkham--”

“So you can find her yourself? I know you, Batsy, whether you want to admit it to yourself or not. You pretend to be untouchable but I know better. You’d let her walk all over you in those boots,” Joker cackled, “because I would, too. She could trample me to death and I would thank her.”

“Enough.”

“No, no we are just getting started down this road.” Joker flatted his gloves against the windshield as if he could breach the glass and reach her skin. “I’m going to do horrible things to her, Bats. Horrible, wonderful things, until she’s mine. Until she’s so broken I’m the only one she sees but don’t worry, I’ll let you see her if you want, time to time, maybe I’ll send you pictures of her naked beneath me--”

“I said enough!”

The Joker just laughed, his eyes snapping back to his doll as she continued down the sidewalk. “What’s it gonna be, Bats? If you take me back to Arkham, you’ll lose her~”

Bruce’s jaw clenched.

“Or you could follow her home.” Joker’s gaze slowly trailed from the glass to lock with the Batman’s. “And may the best man win her, until death do us part?”

The alternative saying to one door closing and another opening, is once one chapter ends, another must begin. The Batmobile’s signal switched from right to left and the page turned, starting a fairy tale only fit for Gotham City, about an Angel with a Devil and a Bat on her heels.

[coolgirl]

Fic recs masterpost

ok so i used to have a lot of fics masterposts on my old blog and people keep asking for recs + i wont be able to upddate them or anything anymore so i decided to just move them all to this blog

under the cut: AUS / arkham knight / jaykyle / jayroy / robin!jason / gen / angst fics 

*: last added (april 4) //   for some reason the links arent working so go to jasontodd.tumblr.com/ficrecs for the links, sorry!

AUS

The Virtue of Revenge | young justice au with jason as red x making his own team with roy, starfire, raven, and others. i love it, even if it has shaky moments and stuff pls give it a chance.

crystal silence creeping down | young justice/lost days au

Flicker from View | another young justice au

Live to Rise | yes. you guessed it. young justice au.

Collide &  Convergence | au where post crisis jason goes to the young justice universe

The Changeling Sequence | series where jason meets damian before he went to gotham. The last part is a wip that i doubt will ever get updated again, so uh be careful. read only the first or second part and forget about the third.

The Drag of Fate | au where jason is lady shiva’s son as well. Part of a series, which i also highly recommend but idk if they would be au as well

heavy on the heart | another jason and cass are bio siblings. A+.

Didymous | cass and jason are twins.

repairing the world | i dont know how to explain this series.. its an au and really really good. Jason doesn’t appear in all the pieces.

just go  | jayroy, wings au

In the Shadows (of Who We Used to Be) | jayroy, black widow & hawkeye au

The Family (or how Jason Todd was adopted by the Avengers) | marvel crossover

bad boys bad boys (whatcha gonna dooo) ♫ | jason is damian’s batman. iconic fic imo.

Rise (And Try Not to Fall) | star wars au

A Bird in Morning | bruce finds jason when he’s at the hospital after crawling out of his grave

Moment Between | ghost jason & ghost martha and thomas wayne

We’re not in Crime Alley Anymore | au where jason was younger when bruce took him (and he didnt become robin)

Perhaps The World Ends Here | marvel crossover, future jaykyle

Batten Down the Hatches | a few different aus here. young justice + helena wayne

My Brother's Keeper | jason & damian knew each other from before + damian arrives to gotham just for jason

When the Moon Found the Sun | main story is clark/bruce but it’s preetty cute. soulmates au.

Between the Light and the Dark* | damian & jason uuhm i cant remember what this one was about per se bc im reading like 5487 similar fics but yeah

Two Dead Birds  | time travel stuff

Red Blood, Blue Blood | jason (and the rest of the batkids) are bruce’s biological kids, yeah i wasnt a big fan of the premise at first either but its gud

Rebirth | talia & jason, mind the warnings

you belong among the wildflowers | kate n renee adopt jason instead of bruce

We're the warriors of tomorrow |  Cass, Jason and Damian meet while with the League of Shadows

Can You Hear Me?  | ghost jason

to death's other kingdom I will not go  | bruce makes it on time au

The Ties That Bind  |  The pit restores Jason's body but not his mind, Ra's makes him one of his assassins and Talia adopts him as her own.

death’s outlet song of life* | the gordons find jason before the events of lost days

reflections on shattered mirrors.* | talia & jason stuff

Come Alive* | young justice s3 based

A Path Upon The Ground* | au from lost days, eddie and jason meet again

ARKHAM VERSE

If He Had Come & the sequel  Desiderium | au where bruce rescued jason before he could become the arkham knight.

the roads we know

this gun needs no bullets

JASON & BRUCE CENTRIC (not romantic)

Quack | this one is so crackish but so so cute i love it, robin jason

If He Had Come & sequel Desiderium  | arkham knight verse and its so good and has a lot of bruce & jason feels

Neverland /  Keep Lying To Me | deaged/ little jason from another universe.. sad and cute

Icarus and Bubble Gum | fluff, robin jason

Knock On Death’s Door | bit of both but not so so so angst, red hood jason

dead and dying things | au

In Memoriam | angst, trying to fix their relationship, red hood jason

If the Fates Allow | angst, red hood jason

The D-Word | fluff kind of.. red hood jason

This Place We Built With Grace and Guilt | angst angst angst, red hood jason

I Love You | robin jason, fluff

Wayward Birds | fluff and angst, robin jason

yesterday’s gone, yeah it went away (i’ve been lost but i’m here today) | another trying to fix their relationship fic, its cute and sad

We’re not in Crime Alley Anymore | au where jason was younger when bruce took him (and he didnt become robin)

Little Absences | sad, robin & red hood

Schrödinger's Honest Man | sad, drugs tw, absolute fave

White Christmas | bruce & robin!jason

Frozen History | de-age

Stargazer | jason n bruce patching their relationship.. its iconic

Unconventional Family Reunions | bvs setting

Prompt: Trapped | mind the warnings

Safe In My Arms 

The Failures of Reverse Engineering  | ghhm not really bruce & jason maybe?

to death's other kingdom I will not go | bruce saves jason au

points of impact  | glass case get fucked

is it my fault? (we've been missing each other)*

waiting for you. *

The Little Things*

World's Finest* | my uwus my uwus have fallen everywhere

JAYKYLE (all iconic)

In Which Kyle Confesses The Same Thing Six Times

milk and honey

Batman vs Space Bureaucracy

deadlock

attention to detail

tempest in a teapot

violet tendencies

no love, no glory (no hero in his skies)

keep the door open for me

waffles and war 

The Art of Subtlety (jason lives au)

Perhaps The World Ends Here | marvel crossover, future jaykyle

Riding in Batcars with Boys

boy, you fill my lungs with sweetness

no chance, no way, i won't say it (no, no)  

a change in the atmosphere

invitation to commitment

Overexposed 

i deserve that, don't i, some sort of blazing love that i can live with 

i won't say 

The water is always warmest at dawn

JAYROY (all iconic too)

sleepless 

Countdown

just go (wings au)

Unspoken

(for thy love is) better than wine (E)

Rooftops

Dick Wolf is a Really Funny Name

A headache isn’t always a bad thing

sad eyes, bad guys, mouth full of white lies [high school au]

kairosclerosis 

The Night They Met 

march down an empty street (like a ship into the storm) *

Archange de la mort (rallume ton flambeau) * | hic warning lol

this time, the loser wins | steph & jason centric though

So Baby Come Light Me Up *

Little Talks *

All the light is never ending, much like you and I; *

Don't let me go, for I feel I may fall * | soulmates au

Something Reckless * 

OTHERS

how to make a home. * | some eddie/jason if you squint, rose/eddie/jason team up

This Car Ain't Big Enough For The Both Of Us* | could be read as jayconnor :3

Robin/young!Jason

The Art of Subtlety | jason lives au, jaykyle

Little Absences | sad, robin & red hood

I Love You | robin jason, fluff

Wayward Birds | fluff and angst, robin jason

Icarus and Bubble Gum | fluff, robin jason

Quack | this one is so crackish but so so cute i love it, robin jason

we were not tragedies | jason & babs, read warnings

Heavy Home | gen, alfred & jason

Good News (No One Mourns the Wicked) | Jason & steph & damian. harold they’re dead (kinda robin!jason??)

Love Yourself (So No One Has To) | good amazing au with some selina & jason (not really.. robin but it starts as robin!jason i guess?)

Moment Between | ghost jason & ghost martha and thomas wayne

We’re not in Crime Alley Anymore | au where jason was younger when bruce took him (and he didnt become robin)

Tired &  Laundry | kinda au, read tw!

Smoke | jason & jim gordon

White Christmas | bruce & robin!jason

is it my fault? (we've been missing each other)* | mix of present and past jason

Sidekick* 

waiting for you.* | technically baby jason

The Little Things*

World's Finest* | oh this one.. my uwus

GEN

hold on to what  we are, hold on to your heart | gen, Barbara & Jason friendship. Some dinahbabs & jayroy

gotta give the boy points | gen, absolute fave

Strangers in Nothing but Name | marvel crossover, side steve/bucky

If He Had Come |  Desiderium | Arkham Verse, gen

I can’t  think up a good  name for this | young justice verse, gen apart from canon relationships

A Better Thesis | gen, p short but i loved it

The  F-Word | gen, batboys being batboys

until i’m in my grave | gen, wip 

Robins United | gen, batkids bonding, except for cass, thats my only complaint

Free of Dogma | gen, canon divergence, marvel crossover w Jason & Bucky

bad boys bad boys (whatcha gonna dooo) ♫ | au where damian is jasons robin and not dick’s, obviously damian & jason brotp. 

Heavy Home | gen, alfred & jason

In the  Shadow of Two Gunmen | gen, Marvel crossover

Flicker from View | side Barbara/Dick, young justice verse

I Love You | gen, Bruce & Jason

how to  hide a stray resurrected superhero from your parents/parental figure | au, jason & tim friendship kinda

One For The Road | Jason/Roy/Koriand’r but its SO cute

Baby,  It’s Cold Outside | gen, Dick & Jason

The  (Family) Doctor’s  Appointment | gen, batboys bonding

The Family (or how Jason Todd was adopted by the Avengers) | marvel crossover, gen

Reason | wip, gen, canon divergence

Soliloquy | gen, tim & Jason brotp,  and really cute batfam moments

Red As The Shadow Of Death | gen, young justice/under the red hood verse

Give Yourself a Chance | gen, duke & Jason & leslie brotpish

homecoming | outlaws brotp fic, could be considered shippy if you want to

And I Said What About Breakfast at Tiffany’s | jason & steph

Of Bats and the Forsaken | jason & all the batkids, side steph/cass and jay/roy if you squint

this is a long drive (for three robins who don’t agree on much) | no capes au, steph & jason & damian, background tim/tam

The Dying of the Light | marvel crossover, bucky & jason, canon divergence

Cat | selina &  jason, catlad au

Killing for Love | cass & jason, au  where jason was lady shivas son  

Keep Lying To Me | de-aged au, just heartbreaking imo, cursed fic

The Social Habits of Robin | gen, batboys. Where_is_cass.jpg tho

Steph and Jay’s Excellent Adventures | series, Steph & Jason

Neverland | jason & batkids, young!jay travels to the future. sad asad sad

on a thin chain of moments and something like faith | gen, jason & cass & steph mostly. really good

Good News (No One Mourns the Wicked) | Jason & steph & damian. harold they’re dead

In a Parallel Life | batboys focused, it has amazing dialogue, dynamics, and characterization. It’s only missing Cass and the rest of the girls.

repairing the world | series, not everything is about the batfam.

Born to Run (Born to Rise) | Jason & Talia having a mother/son relationship reblog if you agree

Live to Rise | it updated again p recently so yay! young justice verse

To Save a Dying City  | jason + other people

Let’s Have Some Fun This Beat Is Sick | mostly damian centric

Movie Night: The Mummy  | read trigger warnings, batboys

The Trading Chain  | not jason centric, but it has cass being older than jason and calling him “little brother” so noice

we sure know how to run free  | jason & cass

Yesterday’s Voices | bruce loses his memory au

Nests and Cages series | read trigger warnings

Roots | barbara centric, really good plot and characterization

Love Yourself (So No One Has To) | good amazing au with selina & jason

Retrograde Motion | de aged jason au

Provenance | mostly roy centric, bruce fucks oliver’s life for what he did to roy. iconic

Schrödinger's Honest Man | sad, drugs tw, absolute fave 

Batten Down the Hatches | a few different aus here. young justice + helena wayne

My Brother's Keeper | jason & damian knew each other from before + damian arrives to gotham just for jason

White Christmas | bruce & robin!jason

until i'm in my grave v2 | this one is already mentioned in this post BUUUT the writer started rewriting it so!

Frozen History | de-age

Stargazer | jason n bruce patching their relationship.. its iconic

show me yesterday, for i can’t find today | time travel au

Warm Enough | alfred & jay fluff

Parallels | mia & jason team up

Legacy | reverse robins, not jason centric but hes there alright.. i think.. i cant remember :D

What are the words I'm forbidden to say?* | damian & jay fluff

Cracked Foundation| jason n damian

Cat's Cradle  | more jason n damian

spaces in between  | damian & jason again

When the lights go out  | damian & jason, theres a pattern here

in my head, i do everything right | some jason & steph

is it my fault? (we've been missing each other)* | past & future jason

life, if well lived* | jason travels back in time and meets martha & thomas wayne

In Charge * | babie jason

Pyrrhic victory* | jason & damian stuff

Twists and Turns* | more jason & damian bonding

Of Brothers and Batcows* | guess what.. yes! more jason & damian

This Car Ain't Big Enough For The Both Of Us* | jason & connor.. say no more!

First Gear* | back to jason & damian please read this.. damian tries to teach jason to drive

changing, falling, fading (please watch over me)* | jason bonds with damian & steph

ANGST

Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death [read the trigger warnings!!]

in the repairing the world series there are a lot of fics dealing with jason, tho Warm Enough ugh not all are centered around him. I would say read  Escalation | Coup de Grâce |  Interlude for the rh!jason arc, and  Tired &  Laundry for robin!jason. [also read trigger warnings]

Countdown | jason/roy]

those six days [trigger warnings again!!!]

Call | angst

the tune without the words  | kind of character study from jim gordon’s pov

Unspoken | jason/roy, really angsty if you remember how red hood arsenal ended

If He Had Come & Desiderium | arkham knight verse, read trigger warnings!

Reason | on hiatus :/

hold on to what we are, hold on to your heart   | this is my favorite ever.. read trigger warnings

Heavy Home | alfred & jason

until i’m in my grave [trigger warnings!]

Keeping Broken Pieces Together

Monsters | marvel crossover

gotta give the boy points | this one please!!!! another fav. read trigger warnings

The weight of it [trigger warnings!]

Live to Rise | young justice verse

Neverland | THIS ONE IS PURE ANGST!!! please its so sad..

Keep Lying To Me | this one has some angsty scenes too im sad emoji

hangman is coming down from the gallows  | some angst

Movie Night: The Mummy  | read trigger warnings, batboys

Love Yourself (So No One Has To)

All in the Blood [read trigger warnings]

Little Absences

Stargazer | jason n bruce patching their relationship.. its iconic

Rebirth * | mind the warnings and its really. sad.

The Failures of Reverse Engineering *

Eternal Soliloquy * | sad sad

throw me a lifeline (I might even catch it) *

changing, falling, fading (please watch over me) * | jason & steph & dami angst

[see-arcane]

^^^^^ A lot of good points I didn’t cover in the original rant. Batman is technically still a vigilante doing (far far more than) the justice system’s work for them and logically he shouldn’t have to be the one making judgment calls in the first place.

But the thing is, the system did have one (1) shot at giving Joker the death penalty. 

(SPOILERS)

It was a storyline called Devil’s Advocate by Chuck Dixon and it laid out a plot where Joker is pinned as the killer who sent a bunch of poisoned stamps out, though he denies guilt for the crime. A whole circus is made out of the ensuing trial in which finally he’s considered both guilty and worthy of the electric chair. Joker has a riot with the whole thing, enjoying the fame of being speedran through the process, expecting to have his execution televised and to be the center of attention for Gotham/the world. 

(I don’t know, Dixon wrote him as extra kooky-evil prima donna for this one.) 

At the last second, the guards reveal, nope, no cameras! You die with no attention and no audience, asshole. Depriving him of one last sick victory before they flip the switch. Joker flips out. Right before they can turn on the juice and fry him, the phone rings at the last-last second to reveal...

...Batman found the real killer. Joker is innocent of this one crime. The one single murder spree Gotham’s justice*** system deigned to rightly punish him for is nixed. He goes back to Arkham for Reasons. 

It’s a story that I enjoyed the first time I read it, but now it makes me tear my hair out in retroactive fury. Because it proves on both counts that the Batman writers are either utterly trapped or utterly tone deaf when it comes to inventing new excuses to keep Joker alive.

Gotham is corrupt as all hell. It is saturated with evil people doing evil things whether they’ve got a costume or not. The cops? Shit. The courts? Shit. Blackgate and Arkham? Take a guess. But after however many decades/years/comic book ages of abuse from the Clown Prince of Crime they’ve had to endure, they all want Joker dead.

There is no legal or moral or self-serving excuse to let him live. None. I’m shocked half the villains in Arkham haven’t just made a pact and jumped him the second he gets dumped back in, all while the orderlies examine their shoes.

Yet the one time the people in power were written as being within an inch of legally executing the prick, Batman couldn’t be bothered to wait for the Joker barbecue before stepping in with the real culprit’s reveal. I know, I know, He is Stalwart, He is the Night, It was the Right Marketable Right Thing to Do.

All that story--like the Joker War story--proves is that Batman, Gotham’s laughable authorities, and the whole Promethean hell of a franchise are doomed to a constant regurgitation of the same bullshit excuses for letting their greasepainted monster live on. It’s a condition that makes no sense for anyone involved--case in point, the actual fucking child who had to resort to murder to keep himself and his neighborhood from being tortured/killed by Joker’s goons because No One Does Anything to Actually Put Joker Down.

And really, the impetus for that has to fall more on Batman because--as this is his story--the DC writers have elevated him to as close to godhood as an ordinary man can be. Hyperintelligent, physical prime, the greatest detective, 1000000x more competent than anyone else at anything ever, including the authority figures who have to turn on a spotlight to call in the Dark Knight to clean up their messes. Because they have proven they cannot handle the rogues gallery. Ever. That’s why Batman is a thing. 

Which is all the more frustrating when he’s painted as the teacher in the classroom, letting the loudest, rudest, most actively obnoxious kid run around pulling hair, stealing candy, committing enough serial murders to qualify as genocide, pissing on the other kids shoes, etc, etc...and not even bothering to send the kid to timeout.

“No, Joker, that’s not allowed,” tuts Batman, the vigilante demigod who can snap necks with his pinkie.

“Aw,” says Joker, poisoning his 50th person that day, after blowing up his second orphanage. “You caught me.”

“Back to the authorities, you rascal,” says Batman, giving Joker to the cops and courts who’re all drinking the same flavor of idiot juice that magically makes them decide he’s just some wacky nutcase in need of the tissue paper asylum again.

It’s a cycle that long-time readers have seen 1000 times and the paper people in the comics have seen infinitely more. It defies ‘suspension of disbelief’ due to the sheer idiocy-bordering-on-insanity of Batman and the half-assed authorities doing this dance the same way, every time, with nothing changing. 

Nothing but the Joker. Who always gets worse in the pain he inflicts, knowing he’ll get away with it every time. 

Again, it comes back to the writers. The ones who are willingly trapped in a limbo of serial releases that n e e d the Joker for future shenanigans because he’s The Archenemy. But all they can think to do with him is make him more and more heinous while Batman parrots useless thou shalt not killisms at the victims directly harmed by the Joker because Batman says killing the clown is a no-no. 

(When Joker’s all pantsing the mayor, exploding whoopee cushions, and robbing a bank with a water pistol? Sure, I’ll buy it. When he’s doing literally anything he’s gotten up to since the 90′s? Not so much.)

This mindset makes no sense for Bruce’s supposedly intelligent and heroic character or the corrupt-to-inept authorities who are written as going out of their way to do malicious, often-homicidal things themselves. All it would take from either party is the tiniest effort to just...end it.

But they never will. Just look at the trope page.

Popular or no, the Joker could/will always come back ‘because comics.’ Have someone, anyone kill him off and take a breather from him until some Lazarus Pit crap digs him up.

But to have the writers selectively lobotomize the character(s) with the narrative allowance to kill him over and over and over is part of why I had to step back from anything other than the short story collections. Because reading this kind of mess is like watching Bruce stab himself with a batarang on a loop while also trying to shame anybody who thinks killing the genocidal bastard clown is the right thing to do.

Batman #100 - “Intervention” (2020)

written by James Tynion IV art by Carlo Pagulayan, Danny Miki, & Tomey Morey

[thejokervaleska]

hands

Pairing: Jerome Valeska x Reader Rating: M Words: 1600 Warnings: Slight hand kink, mild breath play (PLEASE be aware that the scene in this story is not how breath play should be done in real life. It can be very dangerous if done wrong and should be approached with much more care than these idiots took if you want to actually enjoy it.)

The look of manic excitement in his eyes was unsettling. Alarm bells were going off in your head. You knew it was incredibly dangerous and incredibly stupid to literally put your life in the hands of a psychopath like Jerome but you had to admit, the risk excited you.

Jerome’s hands were the first thing you noticed about him.

Perhaps that was because they were wrapped tightly around the throat of a guard at the time, steadily squeezing the life out of the much-larger man. But more likely it was because you’d always had a thing for hands.

And these were, in fact, very nice hands. You could see how strong they were even from across the hall. His palms were broad and his fingers were long enough to easily span the considerable width of the guard’s fat neck. All around, 10/10.

Also, as it turned out, those hands were good for more than just strangling guards. In rapid succession, you also saw them knocking out teeth, breaking noses, and bashing heads into walls. You had to admit, you were impressed. He wasn’t a huge guy but he fought dirty and you liked that. You also liked how, through it all, he laughed like he was having the time of his fucking life. It was a hoarse, disturbing sound that would echo in your ears for a long time.

Of course, as more and more guards flooded the hallway, you were unceremoniously shoved aside. It took six or seven of them to subdue him while you watched from your tip-toes.

By the time they got him restrained and dragged him to his feet, he was bleeding from a cut above his eye and a split in his bottom lip but he was still laughing. The sight of that brilliant smile and those straight white teeth stained with blood gave you butterflies.

You weren’t sure he’d even noticed you there but as the guards led him away, he looked back at you over his shoulder and gave you a wink.

You grinned at him and that was the start of something very wicked indeed.

                                                          ~

As per Arkham’s policy, Jerome was held in solitary confinement for a couple of weeks after that. During that time, you learned everything about him you could. Of course, you’d heard of him before, everyone in Gotham had, but the other patients were only too happy to catch you up on the finer details of his death and subsequent resurrection.

Once he was released back into the general population, the two of you became inseparable.

It happened quite naturally. Easily. One day, while you were sitting at your table, picking at your lunch and studiously ignoring the creep muttering gibberish at you, he appeared out of the blue like a knight in shining armor and dragged the guy out of his chair. From that day forward, the spot beside you became his spot no matter where you went or what you were doing. The other patients stopped talking to you, which was fine, and even the guards steered clear. Everyone knew how volatile Jerome was and no one wanted to be the one who set him off.

The two of you could talk for hours and never run out of things to say. He seemed to enjoy having an audience; you were fascinated by the breadth of his knowledge, much of it macabre, and the way his eyes lit up when he was talking about something that interested him. It didn’t hurt that he often talked with his hands.

One afternoon, while he was sitting beside you on your bed (which wasn’t technically allowed but none of the guards were willing to march in and force him out), you snagged his hand out of the air while he was demonstrating something ridiculous involving a slingshot.

For all the time you’d spent together, it was the first time you’d ever really touched him. He went quiet, watching curiously as you turned his hand over in yours to look at the fine dusting of pale hair trailing down from his forearm and the scattered freckles standing out against his fair skin. When you smiled to yourself, his brows shot up.

“Are you laughing at my freckles?”

“Admiring them,” you corrected him, tracing constellations out of the little dots. “They’re cute.”

“Cute?” He said the word like it tasted bad but you could tell he was trying not to smile. “They are not cute.”

“Oh, right,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes. “They’re scary and tough.”

That earned you a look that was half-annoyed and half-amused. “What, you don’t think I’m scary and tough?”

“Sure I do,” you told him, flipping his hand again to press your palm to his, measuring the length of your smaller fingers against his much-longer ones. You were pleased when he curled his fingertips down over yours and trapped your hand in his. “But the freckles are just cute.”

When he didn’t reply, you glanced over to find him staring down at your clasped hands with an indecipherable expression. For the first time, the silence between the two of you felt almost awkward.

“I just have a thing for guy’s hands,” you told him, unsure of what else to say. “Not like I wanna cut them off and make them into a necklace or something…I just like them. Particularly yours.”

“Yeah?” he asked, experimentally threading his fingers between yours. It was a nice fit. “Why?”

“Well,” you stopped to think about it, eyes rolling skyward, “do you remember the first time we saw each other? When you were choking that guard?”

“Sure,” he said, looking up at you from underneath his thick eyelashes. “You liked that, huh?”

“Yeah-” you started to say but you’d barely gotten the word out when he pulled his hand from your grasp and grabbed you by the throat.

If you’d been looking into his eyes and not drooling over his hands, you might’ve noticed the change that came over him. But as it was, you were caught completely off guard. He wasn’t squeezing, just pressing hard enough to show you he meant business, but your breath caught all the same as you felt those long fingers curling around your neck.

His predatory smile only grew as he pushed you over onto your back, following you down to straddle your hips, his knees planted into the mattress.

“What about this?” he asked, giggling to himself like the madman you sometimes forgot he was. “Do you like this?”

The look of manic excitement in his eyes was unsettling. Alarm bells were going off in your head. You knew it was incredibly dangerous and incredibly stupid to literally put your life in the hands of a psychopath like Jerome but you had to admit, the risk excited you.

“Yes,” you managed.

“Tell me how much you like it,” he purred in your ear.

When you opened your mouth to speak, his grip tightened considerably until you couldn’t manage even one word.

“Hmm?” He sounded amused. “I didn’t quite catch that. What did you say?”

Your body’s first instinct was to panic as you struggled and failed to pull air into your lungs. Before you could stop yourself, you grabbed his wrist with both hands and dug your fingernails in deep enough to draw blood. You were squirming beneath him, bucking up off the bed, but it didn’t help. He held fast, his eyes burning into yours, and gradually, inexplicably, you started to relax. Your grip on his wrist became less desperate and more steadying.

“There we go,” he muttered to himself. “That’s a good girl.”

Looking pleased, almost smug, he leaned down over you like he was going to kiss you but stopped just short. His mouth hovered just above yours, close enough for you to feel the warmth of his breath. And as your lips moved in a futile attempt to either speak or breathe, his moved in time in a strange simulation of a kiss.

The world was already growing hazy when you felt him touch just the tip of his tongue to yours. What the hell is he doing, you wondered, your head spinning.

“Valeska!”

At the sound of the guard’s voice, Jerome released his grip on you. You immediately struggled to suck in a deep breath and the feeling of oxygen flooding your lungs after the deprivation was beautiful.

Your eyelids fluttered closed as you focused on breathing in and out, in and out. You could faintly hear the guard talking to Jerome and noticed the voice was vaguely familiar, clearly one of Jerome’s “buddies”. You knew you should be embarrassed to have been caught in such a vulnerable, compromising position but right then, you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

“What the fuck, man?” the guard was asking. “You got something kinky going on in here or were you just trying to kill the poor girl?”

Jerome scoffed. “What do you think?”

“I don’t think I wanna know. Is she okay? Is she breathing?”

“She’s fine.” Jerome patted your cheek a little too roughly and your eyes popped open, focusing on his. “Aren’t you, gorgeous?”

“Yeah,” you said, your voice barely above a raspy whisper. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

You gave Jerome a smile and felt light-headed all over again when he returned it. Over by the door, the guard just sighed.

“God, you kids are weird.” You didn’t turn to look at the guy but you could just imagine him shaking his head. “Come on, Valeska. Let’s get you back to your room. I don’t wanna have to write up another murder tonight.”

With a disappointed little hum, Jerome rolled off the bed and straightened his uniform. You could feel his eyes on you as you sat up slowly, stroking your neck where you knew you would have finger-shaped bruises come morning.

Before he followed the guard out the door, he gave you a wink.

“See you soon, Y/N.”

[robbiefarlow-sidequestfitne-blog]

New Post has been published on Side Quest Fitness

New Post has been published on http://sidequestfitness.com/kick-ass-games-that-should-have-been-remastered/

Kick Ass Games That Should Have Been Remastered on Xbox One and PS4

11 Kick Ass Games That Should Have Been Remastered on Xbox One and PS4

This article had started with some long winded intro about how fucking disappointed I’ve been with the current console cycle.

But honestly, that’s not why you clicked on this link.

You’re here to read about a list of kick ass games that Sony and Microsoft should have remastered or remade on their four-year-old systems. Because at first, that’s all the Xbox One and PS4 were good for, remastering games that were barely out of diapers.

And besides the obvious reasons for why that pisses me off—chiefly, that game companies already siphoned enormous sums of money out of me for games like Grand Theft Auto 5, Skyrim, The Last of Us, Gears of War, and Uncharted to name a few—now you expect me to get excited to play the same (great) games again but with “updated” graphics?

Look, I loved Skyrim. I loved Uncharted and Grand Theft Auto 5. But if I buy a new system, I expect new games, not a bunch of games I played just a couple years ago. That’s not how nostalgia works.

Instead of trying to get gamers dick hard about games that were the best games of 2011 or 2009, you—Sony and Microsoft (even Nintendo)— failed to remaster games that would’ve excited old school gamers (drowning them under a tsunami of nostalgia) and made them want to buy your new-fangled consoles.

Damn it. I said this wasn’t going to be a long intro and here I am 260 some words deep and not to the point. Fine.

Here are the 11 kick ass games Sony and Microsoft should have remastered.

1. Road Rash

Technically, a spiritual successor to Road Rash called Road Redemption has been in development since 2013.

After a Kickstarter campaign, the game was supposed to be released in the summer of 2014. It was not. And as of now, it is still TBA for 2017.

I’m not a developer, and I don’t understand all the tech that goes into making a game happen. So I’m just mouthing off as a fan and gamer.

But what the fuck is taking so long?

We’ve seen four different Call of Duty’s in four years—each one selling less than its predecessors year after year—and remakes of games that were already HD. So why am I not able to drive a motorcycle and bash people in the face with a sledgehammer?

The gameplay footage of Road Redemption below is enough to take me from six to midnight. So, um. Yea, gaming industry. You’re failing. This should have been done years ago.

2. Mutant League Football

This is hands down the greatest—and most fun—football game ever made. So why has this game not been remade in over 25 years?

NFL Blitz was an amazing game, there’s no doubt about that. But MLF allowed you to play in space with aliens, skeletons, robots, and trolls. And to make the game even more awesome, each stadium had its own special hazards that could kill members of your team or the opponents.

And each team had crazy ass audibles that you could call which were far dirtier than deflating a few footballs to beat the Colts. Including the option to bribe the refs, where they’d call a “fake” penalty on your opponent, like a 5-yard penalty for crying.

Here’s what made Mutant League Football the best game ever: you could win the game by killing the opposing team’s players. Yes, you didn’t even need to outscore the other team. You just needed to tackle more of them into landmines, fire pits, off the edge of the field and into space, or call your team’s special audible that killed the QB in one hit.

Below is some video of a pre-alpha build for Mutant Football League—supposedly—due out on PC in 2017 and 2018 for Xbox One and PS4.

25 years after the first game, is far too long to wait. This should have been done ten years ago.

3. Zombies Ate My Neighbors

Back in the day, Lucasarts created some of the best video games on Earth: Secrets of Monkey Island, all the Star Wars games, and Zombies Ate My Neighbors.

Zombie games are one of my favorite genres. Left 4 Dead was amazing. Dead Rising was a lot of fun. But neither of them compare to the ridiculousness of Zombies Ate My Neighbors.

My cousins and I couldn’t stop playing this game. We may have played it more than Mario Kart and Zelda combined. And though you can download the original on Nintendo’s Virtual Console, I still have no idea why this hasn’t been remade?

Oh, right. I know why.

Because Disney shut down the video game development side of Lucasarts. And I doubt The Mouse will want to release any game that involves zombie, werewolf, and vampire murder. Goddamn it Mickey.

4. Battletoads

I don’t have kids. But if I did, I wouldn’t send them to time out for punishment. I’d sit them down in front of Battletoads, with implicit instructions that the only way to get out of timeout is to beat the game.

They’d either stay in timeout forever, or they’d apologize and beg for the torture of this game to stop.

A remastered Battletoads would be huge. And yes, I know Rare released it on their compilation, Rare Replay, for the Xbox One. But the game only took up half the screen; plus, that border is obnoxious. And though the original is fun, in a sadistic kind of way, I’d rather have a remastered Battletoads to play than another broken ass Gears of War.

5. Conkers Bad Fur Day

Since I’m already on the Rare bandwagon, we can’t forget about Conker. This is still, hands down, the most expensive N64 game you can buy on Ebay. Not kidding, I’ve seen this game sell for damn near $200 before.

And yes, Microsoft and Rare did remake the original 64 game in 2005 for the original Xbox, but it deserves to be re-released in HD—with none of the original humor censored.

So I guess this would be a remake of a remake? But who cares. Conkers Bad Fur Day is the most ridiculous game ever made. Not only for its adult humor or smart ass wise cracks that Conker makes to the player as he breaks the fourth wall, but the multiplayer was, next to Goldeneye, the best on the 64.

It deserves to have a modern remake for the Xbox One.

6. X-Wing vs Tie Fighter

I don’t need to say much more here. This is one is pretty much a no-brainer. But it won’t happen. And if it did, EA would probably muck it up. So maybe it’s best left as a fond, but distant memory.

  7. Eternal Darkness: Sanity’s Requiem

There were a ton of amazing games that disappeared into the background on the Gamecube. But Eternal Darkness: Sanity’s Requiem was a literal mind fuck.

You can read what the story is all about here. But what made this game such a mind fuck is that the game employed what it called, the “sanity meter.” And as you roamed through the game—the hub of the game being your character’s family mansion—if your sanity meter began to get low, the game would do really crazy shit; it was designed to represent a reflection of the main character’s grip on reality.

The lower the meter dipped, the more health you’d lose.

At the same time, you might notice that all of a sudden the camera angle changed. Or that you’d suddenly hear cries, whispers, or unsettling sounds emanating from the speakers.

The game even broke the fourth wall and would give you a “blue screen of death,” making you think the game/system had malfunctioned. It had not. But it was designed to pull you in and mess with your own sense of reality.

Here’re a few more of the crazy things that could randomly happen in this game:

Your character would enter a new room and be walking on the ceiling instead of the floor

Walls and ceilings would bleed

The game would lower its volume and then put a “fake indicator” on your screen, making you think “something” was controlling your TV.

The appearance of large numbers of monsters that weren’t really there and would disappear when attacked

Statues heads would turn and follow your character.

This game was genius. Terrifying. But genius. And a remake by Nintendo, specifically on The Switch, could grant them a ton of opportunities for even crazier mind fucking moments.

8. Earthworm Jim

Do I even need to go any further here? No. I don’t.

Give us Earthworm Jim. The end.

9. Superman 64

Wait, what? How in the hell could I include (arguably) the worst game ever made? Well, for one, it deserves to be remade. Hear me out, though.

Until Rocksteady came along with Arkham Asylum, Batman games kind of sucked. So who’s to say that someone—cough, Rockysteady, cough—couldn’t make a good Superman game?

Plus there are a ton of Easter Eggs in Arkham Knight that allude to the fact that Rocksteady’s next game might include The Man of Steel.

  10. Deer Avenger

I didn’t get a computer until 1999, so I didn’t get to play a lot of PC games. But Deer Avenger was one of a handful of PC games I got to play at my friend Julian’s in the late 90s.

The premise is simple: you assume the role of a deer named Bambo who hunts humans in the same way you’d hunt deer in Deer Hunter. But with a whole hell of a lot more jokes about rednecks.

Five games were made in the series. It was nothing Earth shattering gameplay wise. But it was a whole hell of a lot of fun and one I’d love to see updated, especially, in today’s world.

11. Dr. Mario

Nintendo, why in the name of all things holy have you not remade Dr. Mario?

You probably expected something epic at the end and not Dr. Mario, didn’t you? Well, this is my list after all and I fucking loved some Dr. Mario.

Actually, a remake of Dr. Mario would be a great successor to Mario Run as a mobile game. So, um, Nintendo get on that.

If you had it your way, what games would you want to see remastered or updated for this console generation? Let me know in the comments below.