#technically it doesnt have to be? but i kept it in mind writing it so

[jj-maybanks-daughter]

reason to stay

she doesn't want to leave, she needs a reason to stay.

not proofread, I enjoy writing these bit they are not very good lol

i asked Jesus for a sign, and I today I haven't cried. its only two pm, but that beats yesterday, so i guess that's a reason to stay.

rafe always got into little arguments with her, making her sob like a baby. when he doesnt, it's great! its more often than not, however. he has treated her like a princess for the whole day so far, beating the record time of holding off till he blows he top off to 2 pm. we will have to see how long that's lasts

if I go find someone new, I lose your mom and your sister, too. you know how much i hate change, so i guess that's a reason to stay.

she loved rose and sarah, even if rose wasn't even rafes real mom, she still loved her as if she was. rose loved her right back, making her little deserts to take home over she came over to the house. she has a great relationship with sarah. they go shopping or out to dinner every week. she didnt want to lose Sarah and rose for breaking up with rafe.

and I ain't perfect either, we all make mistakes

she wasn't exactly the back away from a fight girl, so technically it could be fifty percent her fault, even if he started the arguments. she kept that in mind.

you don't try like you used to

rafe would bring her favorite flowers to her house during the talking stage. her house smelt like a garden with every bouquet. now she nearly gets a welcome at his front door. he acted like she was a given.

you don't look at me the same

he used to look deep into her eyes, hypnotize by her into his love. and it was genuine, not some act her put on to get the girl. now there's not a day gone by without eyerolls or eyebrow scrunches.

you used to say your sorry, now whiskeys what you blame

rafe had always made mistakes. but he would genuinally mean it when he apologized, showing up with a handwritten card and a box of choclates . now he blames it on the amount of work he had to get done. the "you know I was drunk" card was not unheard of in their relationship.

im a giver, but I've given all I can

she always had wanted to please rafe, giving him everything she had for him to give everything he had back. the love and care wasn't working safe anymore, she had given him anything, but not willing to give up everything for him.

we both know I ain't one to walk away, but I'm running out of reasons to stay.

she had never given up on past relationships, scared she wouldn't be able to find something better and she was just being dramatic. all of her exes she had were from them moving on from her. her reasons to stay were plummeting everyday, making her wonder how much more she could take.

song- reason to stay by Megan moroney

[anzynai]

First Time For Everything

Azul x Jamil (TWST)

a/n: listen. i know i technically did a self-indulgent fic recently, but it is a special occasion so i’m letting myself have this. ALSO, someone requested lee azul a few days ago and like, ur in luck because i was, in fact, writing a lee azul fic. (don’t worry, it doesnt count as ur request) still, there’s lee jamil too soooo yea. ANYWAYS, please enjoy!!

summary: azul finds out he wasn’t jamil’s first boyfriend.

warnings: VERY romantic, lots of kissing (including neck kissing), very sappy and stupid, and also tickling

word count: 1.6k

——

“This isn’t your first relationship?” Azul asked, incredulously and not for the first time that evening. Jamil exhaled slowly, rising from the bed after Azul stood up.

“No, but–” Jamil tried to explain, reaching a hand to touch Azul’s shoulder.

“So I’m not your first boyfriend?” Azul added, lightly shoving Jamil’s hand off. He could tell that Jamil was confused why he was so upset, but there were too many factors that changed now!

Since the start of the relationship, he had been trying to lead, so that both of them felt more comfortable. He was sure that Jamil had just as little experience as him; that is to say, none. Not that Jamil wasn’t attractive or interesting enough for a relationship– after all, Azul had had his eyes on him from the moment he saw Jamil that one fateful afternoon in his freshman year, but it was Jamil. Jamil didn’t necessarily act as though he hated the notion of love, but simply like he didn’t have the time for it. It wasn’t that he had all the time in the world now, but he had learned to make time for Azul. Even so, that wasn’t the point!

Jamil had dated someone. Before he dated Azul.

Hearing that, thoughts scrambled through Azul’s mind.

“I must have looked like a fool! Trying to make moves because I thought you were too nervous to! I thought we shared our first kiss, but it must’ve been just me. Oh sevens, I must have seemed so inexperienced–”

“Azul, stop,” Jamil cut him off, lacing their fingers together, as he and Azul locked eyes. Azul closed his mouth. He hadn’t realized how much he had been rambling. “It’s true you weren’t my first boyfriend. Or my first kiss.” Azul bit his lip at that. Jamil continued. “But, that doesn’t mean I love you any less. Do you truly think of me so low that I would care how experienced or inexperienced you are?”

Azul averted his gaze, sheepishly. “...No, I suppose you wouldn’t.”

Jamil smiled. It was a sight that Azul had rarely ever seen prior to their relationship, so when he did get the chance to see it, he would commit it to memory. Even now, Jamil’s smile made him breathless. “See?”

Azul pouted, not really wanting to admit that he really had been overthinking it. Jamil kept his gaze straight on him, his expression slowly morphing into one more his usual style: amusement. While Azul kept his gaze on anything but the boy in front of him, he hadn’t noticed Jamil leaning in until his lips were meeting his neck, causing Azul’s breath to hitch.

Still, he didn’t avoid it. Jamil was unrelenting as he continued to pepper Azul’s neck with small, yet sensual kisses, as he slowly made his way up towards his jaw. Azul looked up as Jamil moved closer, their hands still interlocked.

When Jamil started kissing his cheeks and his face, the urge to giggle arose, and Azul bit his lip. The other didn’t show any indication of noticing, but as he kept going, Azul found it harder and harder to resist. Jamil let go of Azul’s left hand to wrap his arm around his neck, twirling Azul’s hair in his index finger. He would intentionally graze Azul’s ear, and paired with the cheek kisses, Azul couldn’t hide the huff of laughter slipping through his lips. There was no way Jamil didn’t know what he was doing, Azul thought, grimacing. Azul peeked down, narrowing his eyes at the smirk that was adorned on Jamil’s face each time he pulled away for another kiss.

“Jamil…” Azul muttered, somewhat of a warning, and when they met eyes once again, Jamil’s smirk deepened.

“Azul,” Jamil replied, but said nothing more as his hands latched onto Azul’s sides, pinching him softly before catching him in a kiss.

“Mph..!” Azul’s giggles were muffled as he tried to step away from his lover, but Jamil’s grip on him was tight.

“Something the matter?” Jamil asked, a sly and positively delighted look in his eyes.

“You— ahaha!” Azul sputtered in Jamil’s face when Jamil leaned in again.

Jamil was having a field day with this. Azul half-heartedly glared at him, but he knew the blush he definitely had would give him away. Jamil seemed to take notice as well because he brought a finger to Azul’s cheek, grazing over it slowly.

Azul never thought he would be one to have ticklish cheeks, but you learn something new everyday.

“N-nahaha! Jahamil!” Azul cried, embarrassed at his immediate laughter. With Jamil, he found it difficult to hide parts of himself that no one else saw.

The entire time, Jamil didn’t relent with his kissing as his hand traced over Azul’s cheek, the other trailing around his sides and tummy. It was so strange, yet Azul had never felt so loved.

“With my last boyfriend,” Jamil started and Azul would have frowned had he not been too busy laughing. Bringing up his ex now? “I liked him, but I didn’t love him. Not like I love you.”

Azul froze at his words. Jamil’s tickle attack slowed down, so it was much easier for Azul to resist his laughter. He sputtered, not quite sure how to respond.

“And,” Jamil added, in a tone that meant nothing good. “I’ve never tickled him before, so you can consider that one of our firsts.”

Jamil tickled him for real this time, scratching his tummy almost as if he were a child. It was almost humiliating to experience, though extremely effective.

Azul snorted around his next giggle, and when he heard Jamil chuckle at that, he wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

“I never knew you could be taken down as something as adorable as tickling,” Jamil teased, a playful tone in his words that Azul absolutely loathed (he didn’t). Azul couldn’t respond, caught up in his laughter and fluster.

But still… tickling as one of their.. firsts?? Does that even mean anything? And, Azul had never really had a chance to tickle Jamil so—

Wait. Azul’s eyes widened as he came to a realization through his laughter. Why hadn’t he ever tried to tickle Jamil?

Determination suddenly coursed through his veins, even as Jamil’s fingers lingered on a certain spot on his right side that Jamil had learned was particularly sensitive to him.

Even through his hysterical laughter, he forced his hand to move towards Jamil’s side, squeezing the skin tentatively. Jamil flinched at that, letting out a gasp.

That didn’t get as much as Azul had hoped, but it did mean he still had a chance. His other hand met Jamil’s other side, repeating the same action. When the other realized what he was doing, he tried to pay Azul back by tickling him more intensely.

By now, Jamil had led him back into Azul’s bed, straddling him, but Azul could feel that he was close to getting the upper hand.

Azul drew in as much strength as he could before bucking his hips. Jamil, having not expected that, faltered, which gave Azul the opportunity he needed. He flipped Jamil over, switching their positions.

Jamil went rigid before he schooled his expression into a more neutral expression, but Azul has caught it. Jamil averted his eyes at the smug look on Azul’s face.

“Don’t look so proud. You look gross,” Jamil murmured, and it reminded Azul of back when they were still pining for one another. He smiled at the thought.

“Oh? Since you seem so keen on tickling me, I thought I should return the favor,” Azul grinned, feeling ecstatic.

“What a stupid thought..” Jamil replied, rolling his eyes but Azul knew him well now. Jamil’s eyes were still averted, looking at the wall next to them. It was something that Azul learned he did when he was either nervous or lying.

“Is that so?” Azul muttered, a bit offhandedly, as he found the temptation was too hard to keep teasing Jamil and get to the main event. His hands met his boyfriend’s ribs, pinching and prodding between the crevices.

Jamil bit his lip, seemingly set on not allowing Azul to break him.

That is, until Azul tried to tickle Jamil’s underarms. Jamil’s underarms were ticklish, but that wasn’t what broke him. No, it was when Azul unintentionally poked at Jamil’s biceps, which were extremely ticklish.

Jamil blinked. Azul smiled.

“Ahahahazul! Stahahap!” Jamil cried, trying to push Azul’s unyielding fingers away from his sensitive skin.

“Ah, there it is.”

Azul squeezed at the biceps, only taking exactly three seconds to admire them before he blushed. Luckily, Jamil didn’t notice. Azul exhaled, allowing another smirk to adorn his lips.

“Ticklish, aren’t you?” Azul asked, his words a bit slurred.

“D-dohohon’t ahahact lihihike you aharen’t too!” Jamil argued. Azul scoffed.

“Is this really the time now to be saying that?” Azul forced a frown, before he found it was too hard to look angry at the other at that moment.

He poked and scribbled and tickled any spots that Jamil “let” him have access to, noting particularly sensitive spots in his head. If Jamil knew his weakness, he should know Jamil’s too!

Jamil’s lips were parted wide and Azul dipped down, meeting his lips with his own before he could help it. Jamil went along with it, as Azul stopped tickling him, becoming distracted.

The night was followed with lots of kissing and tickling. The words ‘I love you’ were muttered dozens of times by each of them until the words felt like second nature. It was a special night and Azul wouldn’t trade it for the world.

By the end of it, he couldn’t even remember what sparked it all.

[thedawningofthehour]

thinking abt this because of the thing that im writing right now (im almost done with it holy shit)

the fact that donnies name gets changed once hes hypnotised is so important to me. names in general are something incredibly important to me for so many reasons. names represent identity, names represent the person who uses them. even if they are sounds we use to get each others attention, in a lot of ways, names are the summary of who we are. as a trans person, names gain even more significance to me even with that in mind.

when donnie get hypnotised and all his memories get removed, and his perception of himself and who he is gets so fundamentally changed that he simply isnt donatello anymore, he gets a new name. he is a new person, he is galois now. the name galois represents this new set of values, new identity, new perception of himself that he has. donatello is simply a different person, nevermind all the similarities between donnie and galois, nevermind the fact that theyre technically the same person. theyre different identities.

galois has a new set of formative memories. even if theyre altered versions of donnies memories. memories are the reason why we are who we are right now. if not for our memories and experiences, were nothing, no one (can you tell that im a strong proponent of the nurture side of nature vs nurture). and all of galois memories? theyre different from donnies. this fundamentally makes him a different person.

then theres the fact that donnies family refuses to call galois galois. galois used to be donnie, yes. but in some ways, donnies dead right now. maybe hell come back, if galois unlocks those memories (which he prolly will, its the only TRULY interesting thing, narrative-wise, no matter how much i thirst for a bad ending), but hes as good as fucking dead right now.

and yet donnies family doesnt acknowledge this. to them, galois is donnie, so theres no point in referring to him by the name that represents him. its an act of defiance. the name galois also represents the fact that draxum killed donnie and replaced him with a new identity. from their perspective, it doesnt matter if 'galois' doesnt remember being donnie! hes still donnie!

yes i do have the advantage of having seen galois perspective of all this, which does change my perspective on all this. because they dont know that galois barely know who this 'donatello' even is!

im gonna stop rambling here cause im just gonna start going in circles, but. galois having a different name is so fucking important to me. yes it happens in a lot of other similar fics to doth, but. i dont know, its just somehow different here, more Important. probably the fact that galois doesnt even have a notion that he was ever anyone BUT galois.

(keep in mind that this is all written from the perspective of someone who rly rly wants galois to stay with draxum because 1. plot, 2. i have no reasoning, i just like 'bad' endings lmao. i rly do treat galois as a different person from donnie because he is, to me at least)

(also i hope this isnt incoherent, i am very sleep deprive right now)

People have made parallels from Galois to 2012 Karai, and I feel like that applies here. Because it always really rubbed me wrong that Splinter kept calling her Miwa. That wasn't her name; she was not Miwa anymore. She'd been Karai her entire life and clearly felt more comfortable using that name. Yet Splinter just kept calling her by the name of his dead baby daughter, like he expected her to just jump back into that role. (I apologize if he does start calling her Karai later on, it's been a while since I watched the whole show through, but I don't remember him doing so)

And that just feeds into all the bullshit Karai feels about her identity after the truth comes out. She's quick to renounce Saki as her father, but is hesitant to embrace Splinter as such. She never moves in with the fam, despite still being a minor and there definitely being room for her there, since April lived with them for a while. And still, she claims herself as Saki's heir, taking over the Foot for herself after the Shredder is dead. She has a lot of complicated feelings about her past and her own identity, and Splinter calling her Miwa right off the bat must have been salt in the wound. The decision to go back to her birth name, to trade Oroku for Hamato, that should have been her decision, to be made whenever she damn well felt like it. It was not for Splinter to tell her who she is.

I don't want to spoil things too much, but a lot of that's going to come into play in Book 4. Donnie is going to have to come to grips with that fact that he is not Galois, Galois never really existed, but at the same time he's not really Donnie anymore. And he'll have to come to terms with who he is now and the roles both Donnie and Galois played in that.

I decided pretty early on that I wanted Draxumized Donnie to have a real name many of the above reasons. I didn't want to use 'Three' or 'Purple,' or just leave him without a name like some separated aus do. Slushie outlined it pretty well in hers-a number is not a name. A number or color could be easily set aside for his return to Donatello, because they were never really names at all. They're just denominations. Everything he was under Draxum could be easily swept under the rug, because that wasn't really anybody. Just Draxum's brainwashed slave, without a character, without a name. And that wasn't what I wanted his time as Galois to be.

I will say that his memories didn't alter his personality as much as it would have if he'd actually lived it all. Donnie already had a fully-formed personality when he went into the Galois machine, Gale wasn't built up from ground zero. He still does and says things based on how Donnie would have acted, even if it wouldn't make all that much sense for Galois. His middle-childness, for example, he's a shithead little brother to Cass a lot despite Galois being an only child and having no frame of reference for having siblings. Sometimes his implanted memories and his personality cross each other, however, and leave him very confused for a bit, so those Donnie mannerisms are fading and being replaced by Galois.

(Honestly, I don't think there's a single way for a 'Gale stays with Draxum' ending to work at this point. Maybe back during the Table Arc, maybe if Draxum had let him up then and swore to change his ways, maybe if they talked a lot and Donnie was able to ease the fam into forgiving him, then maybe they could have had that father/son happily ever after. But the brainwashing was a point of no return, Draxum can't pull back now and his mission is doomed to fail. Any bad ending at this point would just result in their deaths)

Part of the fam's reaction is denial, Donnie can't be as 'gone' as he seems to be. They'll pop his memory back in and everything will go back to normal.

But the other part is that they still love him regardless of what he's calling himself. So he thinks he's the son of an evil scientist and bites them if they try to give him a hug, big whoop. He's still the same soul. He's still their son, their brother. He's still family.

And family means nobody gets left behind.

[furymint]

2023 Creator Reflection

ffxiv.

1. dance me to the end of love

this one was fun! i always like merging a character's outfit with the bg so i liked doing that again. picking the colors for elliots outfit was also enjoyable. ive wanted to make smth w that cover for a while

2. shame was still the tyrant of his life

i only wrote two nol and eli things this year and neither of them are finished. the first was a continuation of a scene where nol kisses elliot against the blue stained glass in his room--i once posted it but then i deleted it bc it made me feel woozy for its allusions to sex. i wanted to rebuild it and take a shot at it now that im comfortable writing n reading sex, but i never got very far. theres actually lots of nice parts! i just like nols dumb angsting the best!

3. valentine

i really wanted to focus on nol's eye here, but also not make it too obvious lol. i used a ps filter like a schmuck but i wanted it to be darker without making it even more difficult to see, so i took away their bodies and limited the colors to make it what it is.

4. amateur cracksmen

the second nol n eli wip, which doesnt have many interesting lines rn, was a raffles-inspired story where eli drags nol as his valet to a rival artist's house and tries to steal back the brooch that he bought from an underground dealer feat. much babbling abt the state of societal responsibility that war is supposed to bring

ffxvi.

1. herz an herz dir

i wrote some reflections about this one already here. i honestly was very (distressed voice) cant believe im writing pure fanfic for the first time in over ten years and lacked a lot of direction when i started bc uhhhhh terence has 8 and a half mins of screen time. i tried to convince myself that it's not much different than me stealing brucemont for my own evil devices, but the unique perspective of seeing quite so much fan content def influenced my interpretation. i wanted their relationship to be much more imbalanced from the get-go initially--dion using his power unintentionally and terence barely passing a thought abt it until later bc he's just so accustomed to obeying--but i ended up giving terence a lot more sway & ammunition in their argument. the breakfast bed thing is also smth im rly fond of.

2. mund an mund

there's also additional meta for this one here. i made a silly doodle abt it also. dion kept picking fights here! it honestly turned out how i expected. when i first started this fic, i was gonna have dion start out right in oriflamme and meet ter and kihel there, but i booted them to northreach so i could have this stretch of conflict. i think it's like. Bad Pacing. technically. if i still believe the conflict introduced in the next chapter is the core one, that is. which i sorrrrta do. but i dont care bc i rly like the visual of kihel laying in dion's lap and getting to put a gun on the wall w ahmed.

3. eines atems

its been two months since the last chapter and this chapter is humiliatingly not written. i have all my scrambled notes and scenes that i jotted down in between the first two chapters, so i have a full direction, but it's been really difficult to write lately. ive been devoting all my time to trying to recoup my mental health and work on my teredio secret santa. ill start next year with this wip as a priority, so for now i only have the photoshop edit for it. kihel is holding terence's hand--it's his pov turn.

overall i didnt like this year very much. i didn't read, create, research or do a lot even though i tried to. i became really disconnected from all of my friends bc im too tired to stay for rp or hold online conversations. at this point, i dont play ffxiv at all except the few times i managed to rp a little. i moved into nanny's house and have my own space, but don't have the presence of mind to do anything about my pc, books, and so on, although i did make a lot of progress rewrapping my books w fresh wraps and some other things. my plans for next year are to reach out to a couple of my friends, build my pc, relearn + rebuild + relaunch my queer lit blog on open source code, survive school, and rediscover the productivity ive lost the past few years.

teredio has helped me a LOT to find community, inspiration, and art in my loneliest year yet. im very proud of my fic and grateful every day to the ppl who have reached out to me about liking it. even if im sorry about my productivity rate in comparison to how many extraordinary writers there are in the ship's fandom, i know i have to be easy on myself to relearn how to write, create a writing schedule that works for me, and stop punishing myself when i cant get the words out.

past reflections:  2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022

[bonesandthebees]

I got a little too excited when reading rose and

so it took me a while to work thru the chapter since I write my comments as I read and I decided not to repeat everything started in the thats important to learn about the characters bc that would be almost the whole chapter so i saved it for my analysis here, but I kept getting lost in a cycle of too many thoughts and not much reading about the characters and everything going on oops

time to gather the base info we have (im telling myself analysing this is practising for my literature classes so im technically doing stuff for school when in fact im procrastinating stuff for school, ill do it after this I promise I just need to get this out of my head)

wilbur:

- studying to be the next consil and phil is giving him some lesson, but it seems hes only now going to get fully introduced to all the inner workings

- the ferronnière: hes basically constantly aware of it, both physically (keeps checking he has it) and mentally (aware of his position and controlling his actions, the metaphor of ferronnière pressing on his head as the pressure being put on him) which isnt really healthy but theres not really another option

also he keeps making sure the ferronnière is visible whenever he needs to be respected and we saw a guard doubt him before they saw the ferronnière so its not just a feeling but the ferronnière actually gives him respect and wilbur himself doesnt really have any

- his relationship with phil is as can be expected, phil is not a bad dad, he needs to prepare wilbur to survive in court, but he might be a bit too focused on that + his duties as consil and that results in very strict and bit distant parenting

from his fear of phil not telling him about the announcement and the flinch when called his full name you can see that wilbur is very afraid of disappointing phil, bc in the past that probably meant something like shouting and he was probably called wilum at those times

but its not that phil doesnt care, hes making sure wilbur will be able to be a good consil and I believe it when he says hes taking care of their family (which is just sandduo, or maybe techno too?) and so far he looks satisfied with wilbur, proud even (me when phil is proud of wilbur in any universe bdhdhdjjfjen)

- hes really close friends with niki, since childhood, and there is deep trust between them, with wilbur letting niki even touch his ferronnière, something very personal and important, sharing fidgeting with their rings....

they plan to hopefully rule together (which is not at all unrealistic in their situation) but it wont be able to work the way it has so far, the way they imagine it, already with the strain of wils promise to phil and more will surely com, niki will learn about wilbur not telling her everything eventually and idk how shell take it

im not saying their friendship couldnt work im just afraid it wont survive bc theyll keep trying to hold it up to their childhood standards which isnt possible in this situation and I predict a falling out maybe becoming enemies even

- we dont see much of his relationship with quackity and the tension of niki vs q with wilbur on nikis side is ever present, but theyre still friends

when quackity arrived at the palace they were all still kids and while they did know about the competition going on but they probably had some classes together and I assume wilbur and niki were there only other kids in an adequate position to play with so theres nothing weird about the friendship

also I wouldnt be surprised if phil encouraged it, it was him who told wil to keep his chances open on all fronts

they also both have mutual respect

theres also this undertone to their conversation that is just so tntduo of them

1/2

wilbur's ferronnière plays a rather symbolic role in the story. it's important to wilbur because it's his status symbol. it's the thing that, in his mind, gives him power. that's why he's constantly aware of it. that's why he's constantly adjusting it. it's representative of his position as the son of the consil and everything that comes with it

phil definitely isn't a bad dad in this, but he's not a great one either. he and wilbur have such a complex relationship I'm so excited to really dig into it. phil deeply cares about wilbur and wants the best for him, but wilbur is terrified of disappointing his father. phil sometimes sets his expectations too high, and wilbur scrambles to try and reach goalposts set out too far. but phil is still proud of his son, and just wants to see him thrive.

niki and wilbur's friendship certainly goes through a lot in this story... I'll say that

oh yeah phil 100% encouraged wilbur's friendship with quackity. they have a very... unique relationship i'll say. they're also childhood friends like he and niki are, but they're not as close in some ways and, in a sense, they're closer in other ways. you'll see what i mean later lmao

[chirpybirdy]

the ganqing millelith au fic is at 852 words... awful how you actually have to write down what you think up......

entire thing under the cut for no reason

after taking a guard post at the stone gate to be closer to her grandfather and his monstadtan husband, millelith soldier keqing thought the worst part of her position would be the long boring hours standing guard in the night. she quickly discovers the best kept secret of dihua marsh is no millelith ever truly stands guard alone. the ghost solider is never seen in the day but they are less careful at night, and one night keqing sees she outranks the motherfucker.

Keqing orders the guard to stand at attention. “What’s your name, soldier?” “Ganyu, sir.”

Keqing read through the records. “A soldier. A soldier. A soldier. All of these problems were resolved by ‘a soldier’.” Keqing frowned. She did not like that so many problems had been coyly resolved by a ghost at best and an adepti at worst. She turned to face wangshu inn and her frown deepened. how great was the territory of liyue held up by the dwindling whims of old gods and dying servants?

keqing orders her subordinate to strip off her outer clothes and hand them to her. Ganyu does so. Neatly folded. Gloves, too. She has a clean, crisp scent that has been transferred to her clothes. She’s solid. Not a ghost, then.

“And let you kill me?” “I’ll take your collar off.” Keqing promises. The god says nothing. Keqing repeats herself, “I’ll take your collar off.” And she clarifies, “I will make it so you won’t die trapped.” The god stills. The ever-moving mass that seemed essential like blood and breathing, stops. Keqing made a mental note of that and walked up close. She took the collar off. “Any last requests?” Her arms were slow to leave the space around the god’s neck. “You won’t worship me?” The god’s neck pulsed as if it was breathing and its voice was hoarse like it was hurting. “Love, then. An easy request for a human. I know it’s not too much.” Ganyu asked Keqing if she was okay. Keqing could tell that her arrow was still aimed. “I’m fine.” She said to Ganyu, not stupid enough to look away from the god when she did. Her arms hovered over the god’s shoulders. “Can I touch you?” She asked. “Please.” For a god, it was desperate. Keqing coaxed the mass of worshipped-smoke into her arms and held. She did her best to love it. Love a god. Her and Ganyu allowed a long moment to pass, and then Keqing stepped away. She gave the signal, and Ganyu shot it dead. Having killed the god, they took to their second task: cataloging the relics left behind.

the dying god’s request is to be fed. keqing doesnt mind. its intimate, but intimate in the way offering water to a traveler is intimate. keqing feeds it poison and finds herself worry that it won’t be enough and the god will suffer just that much more. she will think later how funny that is, to worry that you could have killed them faster. murdered them with better drink.

Keqing takes off her armor. she wants to ask just how many dead gods are there, but ganyu has questions of her own and they seem more relevant. “Feed me?” she asks. Demands to know more like, keqing watches her tense shoulders as ganyu does something just shy of charging into her room. seating herself at keqings small table. she uses it for those times she wants to eat while working and now ganyu uses it to interrogate her. “It was a last request. Are you jealous?” Stupid. Ganyu crosses her arms. she’s still fully outfited and something in keqing decides to make up for her mistake by searching for the ties holding ganyu’s armor on and working out the knots. It doesnt come off right, but, after a long moment, ganyu stands and Keqing almost eagerly takes her friend out of her armor. she places it on the table and kneels to loosen her boots. “Keqing!” keqing focuses on ganyu’s boots, “you can ask me for things. we share a loyalty.” technically. “i dont understand how you can do so much for other gods and feel nothing for your own.”

“how can you so freely serve these gods?” “are they any different from rex lapis?” “what?” ganyu sputtered, “of course they are!” “how?!” keqing demands. “does morax not make demands? does morax not want us to live by it’s whims?” “rex lapis wants whats best for the humans of liyue harbor!” “i don’t care that morax has supported us for thousands of years, that support can be revoked at any time!” keqing insists. “there is a contract! like the contracts that bind us!” “a contract is only as strong as it’s enforcer and if you dont think morax could break our contract, i severely overestimated your intelligence!” ganyu forced her anger down, and every other emotion she felt for keqing with it. “excuse me,” she gently moved outside, “i think i’d better see you when we have our next shift.” keqing let her go, “rest well.” ganyu nodded, already out the door.

[unreliable-narratoe]

Man, I have this take too. I think he was in his right mind and LWJ misunderstands gui dao (and he learns better in the second life- because if LWJ still thinks gui dao is harmful and doesn't comment on it, it's... Kind of weird?) Now some of the fandom agree gui dao is alright and doesnt harm the mind when there's a 'WWX had the responsibility to stop gui dao if it was affecting him and the people around him!' take but overblow WWX's "helplessness" in Jin Zixuan's death.

He was not led astray by his evil powers imo- he was consistently on edge, thought he could do everything by himself because if it's him it's okay if he hurts because he can power through and made a wrong call. If it wasn't Wen Ning but a sword in his head, Jin Zixuan would still have gotten run over.

The flute thing solidified that gui dao is more External too! Because no way is he letting a kid chew on resentment energy lmao. He's far too Good for that. I just think he's an incredibly charismatic and endearing person (hence why the wens warmed up to him) but in that current political climate he made some unfortunate calls because he thought he could combat it all with the fear he amassed as YLLZ.

Like he would win a battle but lose the war because he's focused on the daily everyday people and that's ALRIGHT. It's just how things are sometimes, and it's why the tragedy is more compelling. Maybe things would have turned out better if he did X or Y or if his loved ones did X or Y but there's never a guarantee, much like real life. So I think we should all give everybody who tried their best ( talking about WWX here in particular but also other characters) some grace without taking away their 'flaws'. Ofc it's alright to hate a character, that's different consumption of media and opinions, but interpreting everyone uncharitably and in black and white makes for a boring story. It's fiction for a reason.

Sj too! I wouldn't want to be near him in real life, but he's a very compelling character and reducing him only to Child Abuser or woobifyjng him in serious discourse is a disservice to the writing.

And the nies are so interesting!! Technically their cultivation is the closest to 'demonic and they only scrape by because at least the swords are inanimate objects of resentment.

Also RE; LWJ's come back to Gusu with me. Oh man... that one was so.... for some reason people think WWX is oblivious??? The man climbed LWJ like a tree the moment he clocked actual interest. WWX is not oblivious lmao he's working with some comphet, but in the first life he simply has a lot going on. He doesn't have time for romance + LWJ is being so vague here.... imagine the uptight guy that went around telling you your obviously FINE cultivation you're using because you don't have a golden core (cannot overstate how much this impacted WWX) is evil and needs to be stopped is asking you to come back to Gusu?? Like whaaaat?? And where is LWJ going to put the wen remnants?? (Even if they communicated, WWX didn't let his own sect come under fire for protection the wen remnants. He kept saying he could deal with it himself. Why would he take advice from someone, who in his pov, is holier than thou?? Only we know LWJ's motivations)

They all have lives outside each other and beyond the protag centered morality regardless of what mxtx says about good person-bad person, so it's just a shame to reduce them to any one pining archetype imo

If one more person calls wuxians ghost path 'demonic cultivation' with no /j attached i will take arms the way nie huaisan does it (cry)

[crawgluvr4]

(ao3)

it’s half one in the morning. gabriel stares intently at his work, even as the lines start to blur from exhaustion.

“c’mon, gabe,” jack whines, arms draped over gabriel’s shoulders. “you can do this tomorrow. there’s time before the party.”

gabriel sighs. “i’m nearly done.”

“you’ve been saying that for nearly two hours,” jack protests. he tightens his grip, and gabriel struggles to keep the fabric he’s sewing even. “bed time. please.”

“i can just… mist into bed, you know.” gabriel keeps a careful eye on the needle, nervous. “that’s something i can do now.”

“i don’t think sneaking into bed is the intended use of this,” and jack waves a hand, loosening his hold, “whatever it is. what if it wears off or something and you get stuck like that?”

gabriel’s nervousness spikes up. if it wears off.

“i mean i’d still love you even if you were a sentient cloud,” jack continues, oblivious. “but i think sex would be weird-”

“fuck off,” gabriel groans. he slaps at jack’s arms. “i’m not having this conversation. you’re weird and i hate you.”

“you loooove me,” jack sings, directly into his ear. 

“why is that even the first thing you think about! what the fuck. not ‘how do i keep my darling husband from blowing away in the wind’.” gabriel covers his face with his hands. “it’s ‘how will i fuck the cloud’.”

“it’s not like i went into the logistics of it!” jack is laughing against his back. “and it’s not like i wouldn’t- ugh, never mind. i’ll shut up about it if you come to bed already.”

“given your train of thought, that sounds like a proposition.” gabriel leans back, grinning. 

“i literally have to be up at seven tomorrow.”

“yeah, but i know how quick you can be.”

jack pulls gabriel’s beanie down over his eyes and leaves, grumbling. gabriel laughs so hard he ends up slumping off his chair onto the floor.

“it wasn���t even that funny!” jack insists as gabriel, eventually, comes into the bedroom, still holding his side. “you just have the sense of humour of a twelve year old.”

“you’re one to talk, cloud-fucker,” gabriel retorts, chucking his shirt at him. jack catches it and gives him a withering glare, undermined by how his lips tremble with trying not to smile.

gabriel finishes up his nightly routine and finally gets into bed. jack immediately curls up to him, wrapping his arms around gabriel’s shoulders and giving him a little kiss on his spine. gabriel can feel him smiling in the dark.

“if you cut the blood supply off to my arm,” gabriel says, “i won’t hesitate to push you off.”

“just cloud it or whatever,” jack mumbles into his neck, half asleep already.

“you’d like that, wouldn’t you.” 

jack just snorts. “love you.”

“love you too.”

--

he dreams of blowing away in the wind.

--

jack is gone when he wakes up, which is increasingly normal. life for them was never simple, but work had been a bigger burden over the past few months, and their time together was more and more centered around dinner and sleeping.

but it was nice, even then. just to relax and be human for a while, much as he could.

he ignores paperwork to finish the costumes; it takes another good hour and a half, and he begrudgingly admits to jack via text that he was right. jack texts back ‘always am ;)’ and gabriel makes a very irritated cheese sandwich.

he eventually drags himself over to the training range to go check on mccree. he had left him in charge of the recruits for the morning in order to finish sewing (and have a lie-in), and felt the urge to make sure he hadn’t burned the place down.

“howdy!” mccree greets him before the door even finishes opening, jogging on over with a have. the recruits all look nervously between him and gabriel, before mccree remembers himself. “uh, i mean, howdy… commander.”

gabriel looks at him tiredly. “report, mccree.”

one of the very new recruits looks like they’re about to pass out at their casual interaction. gabriel always loved pretending to be a serious hard-ass to new recruits at first, usually to test how they were with authority. it also made the parties blackwatch had a lot funnier for them.

“already had to send that palmer girl up to angie,” mccree sighs. “fightin’ over what target she gets to shoot at. real pain in the ass. rest of the kids here are doing fine, though.”

“some of these ‘kids’ have a decade on you, jesse.”

mccree coughs, adjusts his hat. “okay, okay, whatever. some of these respectable recruits,” and he puts on a very posh voice, “are doing absolutely wonderfully given the stressors of the situation.”

gabriel rolls his eyes. “right.” 

gabriel watches the recruits for a while as mccree goes into detail, occasionally inputting his own notes on his tablet to add to mccree’s report when it comes. assuming the cowboy hadn’t forgotten to write up the physical report, of course, but he planned to leave him to remember that on his own.

mccree shuffles closer after a while, leaning in. “did ya get the costumes finished?”

gabriel raises an eyebrow. “you think i’d be here if i hadn’t?”

“oh. right.” mccree pauses. “i just… had an idea. your mask has eye holes, right?”

“yeah.” gabriel lowers his tablet slightly. “i gotta see, jesse.”

“well i was thinkin’,” mccree gestures to him. “you can smoke up random bits of you, yeah?”

gabriel grimaces. “it’s supposed to be for combat only.”

“aw, like you haven’t used it for convenience. i know you! but that’s not the point.” mccree grins. “say you go in normally. everyone’s impressed by your craftsmanship, yeah, of course. but they’re used to it now. they all know you too well.”

gabriel frowns.

“i’m not bein’ insulting,” mccree adds hurriedly. “but it’s true.”

gabriel’s frown deepens.

“alright, alright! i’m just sayin’... the people there all know your weird cloud status.” gabriel pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to forget his conversation with jack the previous night. mccree doesn’t seem to notice. “and i think you could pass it off as clever effects if anythin’ got leaked. so just imagine bein’ dressed as sexy grim reaper-”

“it’s not sexy grim reaper, for fuck’s sake,” gabriel mumbles. “it’s tasteful and mature gothic halloween fashion.”

“the point IS if you start having smoke melt out your eyes-”

“wait, is it the boots? are heeled boots too much? christ, i’m not sure i can find flat boots in time-”

mccree elbows him. “the boots are fine, pops, i’m joking. now the smoke. think about it?”

gabriel stops thinking about how he’s going to obtain thigh high flat boots before the evening. “right. smoke. i dunno how long i can do that for, though.”

“you ain’t gotta do it for a long time,” mccree says, leaning back against the wall. “just occasionally when someone looks at you. and during the pictures.”

gabriel thinks about his dream. thinks about the deep-seated fear he’s had of himself since undergoing moira’s treatment and being able to dissolve. 

thinks about the potential look on jack’s face.

“you got a deal.” he flicks off mccree’s hat with a grin. “good idea, kid.”

--

the look on jack’s face - a mixture of fright and awe - is definitely worth it.

gabriel wins the informal costume contest, again, and donates half the winnings (a bottle of absurdly pink and sparkly gin) to mccree as thanks. reinhardt nearly passes out from fear. the rest of the party is simply good fun, and he feels a little more comfortable that the people around him don’t think him some kind of monster. outside of costume, anyway.

later, in bed, jack tipsily tells him he thinks smoky grim reaper in high heels is actually pretty hot. gabriel refuses to speak to him for a record two minutes, pillow over his face, while jack nearly cries laughing to himself.

“i’m not indulging your new cloud fetish,” gabriel says eventually, and jack wheezes into the quilt. “the rest of it i’d be happy to get to wear more often. they’ve been in my closet for years.”

“wait.” jack sits up. “in your closet? you didn’t just make that stuff?”

gabriel lifts the pillow off his face slightly. “nah, mccree asked me to make his and genji’s costumes. mine was just a well planned combination of clothes i actually own. i don’t wear ‘em much cause i don’t want the press to be weird about it.”

“oh my god,” jack groans, flopping back into the bed. “oh my god. you kept me up late like three days in a row making a ridiculous two-piece dragon cowboy costume for those two?”

“i take my work seriously, jack.”

“you skipped like four important meetings over the past month.” 

“saving the world is just a hobby,” gabriel grins. 

jack slaps the pillow back onto gabriel’s face. “you’re terrible. awful. evil. i hate you.”

“love you too, honey.”

[ajaxstar]

ooooo how about domestic headcanons for modern!xiao or modern!scara pleeek these two have me in a chokehold 😭

Modern Domestic Headcanons

note: i have been actually dying to just write anything for genshin so thank u for requesting this!! i hope u enjoy it :> ALSO YESSS i feel the same way for scaramouche so pls thank u so much for requesting this also for giving me an excuse to write smthn for lord balladeer 😩

pairings: xiao and scaramouche (separately!) x gn! reader

genre: modern au, fluff, a sprinkle of possessiveness (mostly on scara’s)

XIAO

domestic xiao will always have his arms around you, one way or another.

everyone knows that xiao isn’t really a fan of physical contact, yet he found himself being a fan of yours. it was the reason why cuddles happen so often even in the hot weather.

“xiao… it’s too hot…” || “i’m not letting go.”

nevertheless, you found yourself enjoying it either way.

it was always like this ever since. he’ll always find himself reaching out to hold you in any way he can in public and mostly in private.

more so, xiao being domestic makes him comfortable enough to show more of his love and affections towards you. 

needless to say, he was a bit more open with his feelings towards you.

xiao held you close as he lie on the couch with you lying on his chest with one of his arms around your waist and the other on your hair, soothing you as he caressed your locks gently. he had his eyes closed as he rested the side of his head on yours while you scrolled through your phone and your other hand is on his hair.

when he inhaled through his nose, his lips tugged upwards upon inhaling your scent. he couldn’t open his eyes as he was in too deep into the tranquility he relishes in the feeling of your fingers massaging his scalp, until your soft laughter made him do so; you noticed how his eyes softened when he met yours that were already looking up at him.

“hm?” he asked, which only made you shake your head slightly before turning his phone off and putting it away so you could wrap your arms around his neck as you nuzzled onto his collarbone up into the crook of his neck.

“nothing… just remembered something…”

you could feel his arm that was around your waist slide up to your back, his thumb tracing figures on your back that encouraged you to continue your words. 

“i just remembered the times you weren’t really fond of being close like this…” you chuckled, closing your eyes as you bathed in his scent. “it just makes me wonder what changed.”

you felt his neck vibrate as he chuckled softly, not minding his affection leaking out of it. 

“i feel free with you, with nothing ever holding me back from what i feel for you.” he tightened his arms and pulled you closer to his chest, as if that was even physically possible anymore. “not anymore… because i…”

you look up to meet his eyes, then noticing that he was already looking at you with his golden eyes.

“because i love you, so don’t expect anything less anymore.”

SCARAMOUCHE

domestic scaramouche will be the same scaramouche

kidding. a domestic scaramouche would be the version of him that shows his deprivation for affections — mainly, love

he will always still remain cranky, easily irritated, and so much more … but nowadays what makes him feel a tad bit annoyed is when you dont reciprocate his not-so hidden affections

“y/n… i love you …” || “mhhmm…” || “tsk, say it back.”

he’s not technically mad, he just loves it so much knowing that you love him the same as he loves you.

don’t get fooled, he’s just needy under those bundles of crankiness

don’t get fooled (2), he’s just needy

“scara… i have to go to work… my shift is starting soon…”

despite your voice that was laced with love and a message that you never want to let go from him, your phone blasting repeatedly on the desk from your boss calling you to frantically remind you to go to work kept you reminded of your job. however, scaramouche was not.

“ugh… just quit your job already, your boss doesnt pay you well anyway. plus, you don’t even have to work when i’m here…” there he goes again. you were aware that scaramouche wasn’t technically lying, however you also wanted to be helpful in a scale not just in affections but as well as in aspects that were important to keep the both of you alive.

“you know i can’t just do that-“

“some of your past co-workers have, of course it’s possible for anyone to do.”

“wait- how did you-“

he tightens his arms around you, burying his face deeper into the crook of your neck to the extent that you could feel every inch of movement from his lips against your neck’s bare skin.

“stay, y/n… i love you…”

you sigh affectionately, placing a kiss on the top of his head. “i love you too, scara…” you don’t have a choice but to stay and miss work, probably send your resignation once you’re free from your lover’s grasp.

as if you didn’t want to.

[schizopositivity]

ever just like wow, im schizophrenic.

I used to have this idea in my mind of what a schizophrenic should be, that idea and othering myself from it for so long is what kept me from treatment for so long. I thought "Im aware of myself, Im aware I cant see reality correctly, Im aware Im not doing well, therefore I couldnt possibly be an actual psychotic person" but I was wrong. I am schizophrenic, I have a psychotic disorder so Im technically always psychotic even when I can clearly explain that I am. Im no exception. from stories Ive heard from other psychotic people they relate. we are at times aware that we are psychotic, but we are still psychotic. being aware of how we are is normal, especially after treatment. we know that we have this condition, its how we can ask for help, how our voices can be heard. once we realize what we are we can reclaim it. I am schizophrenic, I am psychotic, and Im also not the charcicature of madness that the media wants you to believe I am.

Im self aware, Im committed to bettering myself, Im actively working on treatment for myself. I am also psychotic and that doesnt change anything. It comes with its own difficulties for sure but its not like we are all completely dissconnected and oblivious to the world.

and for those confused, in my situation its like I hallucinate often, that is me experinceing things different from reality and is psychotic, I am also usually aware I am hallucinating, even with that self awareness, the hallucination carries on as it would anyway. I cant see reality properly but I understand that there is a collective reality for most people and Im outside of it. I still try to function in that reality best I can cause that one has people who care about me and want to help me. I know for myself, sticking to my own reality as if it was true casues a lotta problems and ultimately hurts me but thats not the case for all psychotic people.

just because someone is psychotic or schizo spec doesnt mean you can write off everything they say as "out of it". and just because we dont look or act like what you expect to see, doesnt mean we arent psychotic

[ataraxianne]

Okay I have this kinda gwynriel headcanon which I think it's pretty cute and I wanted to share

- in acosf Cassian said both Rhys and Azriel were interested in that universal-ish-globe-thing Rhys has in his study but Azriel was the one who liked it the most

- so let's imagine he starts to develop an interest in the galaxies and universes and stars and so on

- like he starts learning things and theories about other worlds and other universes

- he even starts buying a "globe" himself, bigger than the one Rhys has, he buys books and above all a telescope

- because he especially likes stars, for some reason. Because they're bright, they shine even despite all of the darkness around them, and its kinda reassuring to him to see that something so nice and bright can still be there, especially after he himself has spent a lot of time in the dark

- because they're his court symbol. Because those three stars are like he and his brothers, and all he ever wanted was to belong

- he likes galaxies because there is an abundance of stars, of these little bright dots that come all together in groups and even tho he doesnt particularly likes being in great crowds he likes being with his friends, his family. They're his galaxy

- and then one night it's his first night with Gwyn, and they're in his house at Rose Hall, which technically became his mother's house since she had preferred a bit of solitude in all these last years and he didn't mind giving her that and staying most of the times at the House of Wind

- but tonight he didn't want to go elsewhere, it seemed right to be there even tho he had never felt quite at home in that house because of all the time he spent elsewhere and how big and empty sometimes it felt to him

- but maybe being there with a female he liked - loved - so much - with his mate even tho it still seemed too surreal to say such a thing - would have made that house more of a home

- and so there they were, in his house, in his room, in his bed, cuddling after the night, face to face and his shadows were dancing and curling around her face and she was giggling ans grinning, taunting them with her free hand while the other one was resting on his chest

- and it was all so quiet and tranquil but at the same time clear and joyful and his ears had never been filled with such a pleasant sound

- and his shadows seemed to think the same

- and they kept twirling around Gwyn until she turned a bit more her head toward them and the light of the moon coming from the window reflected on her naked body and made her already so bright real eyes shine even more and he couldn't stop staring at her mesmerized and couldn't stop his hand from reaching up her glowing cheekbones and

- "you have galaxies on your face" he said as he caressed her cheeks covered in freckles, in an abundance of them, as many as the stars in the sky

- she turned her head back to him and smiled softly and then it turned into the usual smug she put on when she was taunting him, and he couldn't help smiling back to her because gods, how much she loved her, especially when she did that

- "oh, you should see the rest of my body, Shadowsinger" she said back

- but you play this game in two so "I'm perfectly sure I've seen a lot of that too" he responded, emulating her expression

- at that she smiled again, even more than before and he didn't know how that could have been possible but it was even lighter and brighter and not even the moon and all of the stars could ever have compared to Gwyn's smiles

- smiles that were only for him and he couldn't believe that and he was so weak and abandoned the game too soon and moved to kiss that smile, softly, as it was the most precious and fragile thing in the world and could allowed anything to ruin that

- and it felt so good, so right so right so right and then she was closer to him, hugging him tightly while still kissing and it was as warm as home

- they stayed in that position, intertwined like that even after the kiss had finished, looking in each other's eyes sometimes caressing, sometimes kissing again, always with a tiny smile on their faces - even tho Azriel thought his looked more like a drunken one

- and then Gwyn asked, with that lovely smug back on her face "will you fly me to one of the real galaxies one day?"

- and something clicked in Azriel's brain

- "come with me" he said, and kinda reluctantly broke the hug he was into and started putting something on

- "wait, now? where?" Gwyn asked, curiosity and amusement spreading on her face, but started putting her undergarments back on

- Azriel didn't answer but smiled again and handed her one of his robes

-(he didn't think much about it, it was just for her to cover since it was chilly and maybe she still preferred a bit of coverage, after so many years spent in the Library - but at first it reminded Gwyn of their first meeting, tho the scene change easily and swiftly, as soon as she put it on and felt like in a warm embrace that has his scent)

- she smiled lightly and reached Azriel, who was waiting for her next to the door and together they went out

- it was darker that they thought so they mostly stumbled in the hallways and Az accidentally hit his wing against the wall gaining a harsh look from Gwyn

- "dont you dare wake up your mother now" she hissed even tho he could sense the laugh she was trying to cover (and even tho, if his mother was to wake up, the rumours they provoked in his bedroom minutes ago would have already worked- but he didn't say it to Gwyn)

- he took her hand and lead her to a staircase, and they went up on the higher floor of the house, to one of his favourite rooms there

- as soon as they entered and he lightened up the room something told him that Gwyn might have liked it too

- the room was quiet big, full of all things, along with a couch and a low table, bookshelves who took one full wall, while the other two where almost completely made up of windows, who gave a full vision of the night sky outside

- in front of the windows there were two different globes, one similar to the one Rhys had and another, bigger and more complete than that his brother had

- and then a telescope, already positioned and turned toward the side sky

- Gwyn started moving in the room, cautiously, with her white skirt and his grey robe almost floating around her legs

- she reached the bigger globe and started admiring it, following the writings and drawings on it with his finger and turning around it with her wide eyes open and her mouth in a tight line in silent awe

- and then she started talking, with a melancholic smile and told him how there were lots of astronomy books in the Library but neither globes or telescope, and it was so painful to her and her curious mind not being able to see the incredible things she was reading and how much she relied on her imagination to try seeing at least in her mind that concept of infinity those books gave her

- so Azriel got closer and extended an hand, and walked her up to the telescope and letting her see it all, the stars the galaxies, the endless universe they lived in

- and they started talking

- and it was so relieving to both of them, to talk about something they didn't even know why they were so fond of, but that someone always kept them mesmerized and craving for more knowledge

- but especially talking about it with someone who they know would listen and they weren't kept back because it was not much of an interest for others or because it was pointless to the others general studies

- they spent the night like that, and he showed her books and star maps he collected and she too about books she read and theories she had or shared

- The next morning, Azriel woke up on the couch, charts and maps and open books spread over the table, while the sunset reflected over them and the female asleep in his arms, with his shadows slowly dancing around her and galaxies on her smiling face

IF YOU READ TIL HERE, THANK YOU!! HOPE YOU LIKED IT♡♡♡ If you didn't, sorry if I wasted your time😅

[0nerd-at-heart0]

How We Got Here

not my gif

A/N: still working on other stories, but had a dream about this so I had to write it.

Steve Rogers x Reader

Word count: 1.6k

Warning: fluff and angst

You had an itch, a problem per se. You needed everyone to like you.  So you tried really hard. To smile, be happy, be likable. 

You never faced a problem of someone not liking you, at least not until recently. Not until you met the one and only Steve Rogers. Or how you liked to call him Mr. Perfect. Perfect in the way he smiles. Perfect in the way he cares. Perfect in the way he is America's golden boy. You two could have been friends. Maybe if the situation was different. 

You joined the avengers not so long ago. With your training as an agent and your bad-ass powers of mind-control. You were the best candidate to join the elite superheroes.  Besides all that you had a talent. A talent with technology. 

Your obsession began when you accidentally broke your dad’s computer at the age of 12. You were so determined to put it back together before he could find out. In doing so you used some spare parts from your also broken Nintendo console and upgraded his computer.  You were considered a prodigy from that point.

A plan was set for you. You were going to become a computer engineer. With the support of your parents, you continue your studies all through college. And a month before graduation Hydra found you. 

They wanted you and they werent going to stop until they had you. Your parents so valiantly fought them. But at the end, they lost the battle and you, well you lost your parents. 

Hydra had a hold of you. They experiment on you like crazy. You were going to be their new super weapon. As much as they tried to turn you. You wouldnt let them, you would be their rag doll to use and abuse. You weren’t about to let your parents die in vain for you to become a monster. 

What felt like centuries of being locked up were actually a month. A month when Nick Fury came bursting in and saved you.  After a much needed shower and sleep, Fury and you had a chat. 

You didnt know how to repay him for what he had done for you, you should have chosen better words than that. Because sooner or later he was asking to train you, use your powers for good. How could you say no to the man who saved you?

Two years of training, Fury took you to meet the Avenger. You arent going to lie, you fangirled hard over them. They were all so welcoming. Even Steve. 

Fury made it your new assignment to learn from them, which meant you were going to  be staying in the compound.  

It was a lot to get used to. You mostly stayed by Wanda’s side. Occasionally you and Peter would train together. Tony was more of a mentor. And Nat loved playing around with your powers. But Steve and you had never had a chance to interact other than the welcoming party.

You really wanted to be friends with him. There was so much you wanted to say but always bite your tongue when he’s around. A friendship could blossom or better yet could have. 

The possibility of a relationship flew out the window when he overheard a conversation you had with Tony one early morning. You wanted to give the compound a technical upgrade. Including everyone suits and equipment. Tony was intrigued, not because he never thought of that because he has, but because of how bold you were. 

You had so much faith in your skills and Tony respected that. He agreed to let you mess around with some of the equipment for starters. You were smiling, you were excited like a child who had too much candy and was on a sugar high. But that sugar high came crashing down as soon as Steve made his appearance.

How could you forget the conversation. The way he yelled. 

“Excuse you! You can't just come in here and demand for change. Our dynamic works, it has worked for a while. I dont know who you think you are but you dont get to mess with our equipment and you certainly dont get to mess with MY team”

His voice rang throughout the whole compound and the image of his nostrils flaring as he yelled haunted you for weeks. 

It still haunts you. You hate being yelled at. Tony told you to ignore him,  that he is too “perfect” for his own good, but even all perfect people have their flaws and his way technology. Hence the name Mr. Perfect. 

Tony and the rest of the gang kept encouraging your journey well all except Steve. Your fighting got better and you were proud to say you were finally in control of your power. 

It was their pleasure to finally declare you one of them. As you all party Steve stood there scowling. Not even Bucky could wipe that scowl off his face as he had a mouth full of cherries. 

You weren’t going to let him get the better of you. If he wanted to be snarky you would be snarky. If he wanted to be cold you would be cold. 

That became your new routine. He pushed you, you pushed back harder. From bumps in the hallways to calling him Mr. Perfect every time you can. 

The team thought you guys would get over this, that over time you two would learn to get along.  But you were always at each other's throats. Missions become harder and harder when there’s a constant argument. 

You werent like this. You knew that but that man was just too infuriating to do nothing about it. 

Currently you were on a way back from a mission with Nat. You two were sent to stop a shipment of guns from being delivered. As smoothly as it was going, Steve was on the comms just nagging how it should have been him and Nat out there. You turned off your comms, knowing the earful you are going the get when you arrive back.

As you walked into the kitchen, there was Steve nursing a glass of what seemed to be bourbon and tapping his foot. You knew what was going to happen. 

Nat made a B-line for her room, not wanting to hear the argument that's about to go down.

You stood in the middle of the room thinking of all the comebacks you can. Ready to fire at any moment. Steve stood up from his seat and made his way towards you. His jaw was set and his fists were clenched. 

He stalked over you and you suddenly felt small.  His stare was burning through you, you have never seen him like this. You looked down at your feet but Steve stopped that movement and he grabbed your chin with his hand forcefully to make you look at him. 

With your chin in his hand he had a full view of your face. As he looked at you, his demeanor changed. The tension in his body was gone, the look on his face soften and the force in his hand was replaced with a gentle touch. 

“ Who?”, he asked.

You were confused, “ who what?”

“ The bruise under your eye, who did that”, he asked, a little more annoyed this time.

He noticed the bruise? It's so small it doesnt even hurt, you forgot it even happened.

“ Oh, that bruise. The mob boss Sergio showed up. It surprised us and in our state of surprise he sucker punched me in the face and got away. But dont worry we got control of the shipment, we will get him eventually”, you stammer out.

He lets go of your face and takes out his phone. He turns around,  “ Tony, yes it's me. Apparently Sergio, the mob boss got away. I need all focus on him, can you do that? Okay thanks!”

“ What was that”, you surprisingly ask. 

His focus goes back to you, “ No one hurts my team and gets away with it”

He turns around to walk away. But stops in his tracks when he hears you murmur, “ You hurt me everyday with your words''

He goes back towards you. “ My words are never meant to hurt you, Y/N,”

“ But they have, since the moment we met.  I let it happen but then I had enough and started to talk back. If one thing I learned from my parents is to always fight back”, you quietly stated. Looking down at your feet shifting weight from one foot to another.

All that energy to fight back was gone. You needed answers. 

He grabbed your face, cradling it between his two hands. This time there was no force but it was a touch so soft, so warming, so welcoming.

“ No words can describe how sorry I am. I let my emotion get the better of me.  You joined the team and you were everything I am not. The person I am is thanks to a serum. But you, you have it all. You have the strength, the smarts and the beauty”, he sincerely apologizes.

“ Beauty?” you question looking into his eyes. Using his eyes are filled with what looks like hate, but right now they are filled with something more, could it be love?

“ I dont deserve this but if you allow me”, he asks, leaning closer. 

You know what he is asking and you too want it.  The ball is in your court.  You move your body closer to him and he takes that as an indication to smash his lips onto yours.

The kiss starts off rough, like you are in need of each other. But it becomes softer and more passionate. An apology in itself. Both of you cant and wont pull away. You were deprived of each other for so long. 

Now you knew, Steve Rogers did like you. Maybe a little more than you would ever imagine.

[wormstar]

How did you come up with the idea of 'signature herbs' and what ones have you used so far?

ahhhh i only saw this now. lets see

i think it started off in equal parts as a 'lore' and design thing there was no priority really.... it was inspired by all the more modern wc art ive seen where healers have herbs as like accessories. i think i just went alright could it be done practically and i decided having 'wires' of grass and vine that form belts for herbs was interesting. which then lead on to a broader consideration for how itd be convenient when healing a whole camp or going on a journey to collect plants. and naturally then i decided hey how can i make it distinct for every cat. hence the idea of certain cats having herbs that set them apart from one another came to be and i just started incorporating that in designs

this is what i initially wrote about the concept when i was first developing it

important distinction is while if a herbs in use its effectively 'reserved' for the foreseeable future, cats can share herbs between generations if the time difference is long enough

also i did come up with this while an interest in flower symbolism was like. occupying a good part of my mind. so though sometimes i just picked certain herbs for good color contrast and nothing else i occasionally did dip into specific meanings - in particular to stay grounded i interpreted the kind of 'cures' herbs served as as metaphors for character arcs. like i picked chamomile for barkface cause he was the one guy supporting tallstar's journey out of the clans, shadowsight got lavender cause he died once or whatever and kept the whole starclan ordeal in obscurity you get it. alternatively mudfur just has dandelion for no reason

whenever i come up with systems like that in anything i write i always have exceptions cause i think its a very like. interesting exercise. so certain cats dont have signature herbs at all - leafpool doesnt to vaguely represent how little control she has within the healer role and by extension her relationship with starclan rendering her unimportant, hawkheart uses the whole belt system but doesnt have an herb because sadstuck about him being a warrior or whatever, jayfeather doesnt cause hes a bitch, etc. and ofc the opposite excess, hollyleaf keeps holly leaves leftover from when she served as a healer.

going through old posts manually these may be wrong and i just forgot what the hell i drew but who cares. list is:

spottedleaf has ferns which arent technically an herb. pretty sure yellowfangs was meant to be celandine flowers which eased eye pain. flametail had either rosemary (again hides death scent) or some random flower i added for contrast. already mentioned shadowsight and barkface.... i still like the idea of mothwing having lavender but ive talked about her having no decorative herbs and only carrying practical ones before and i think that fits even more. runningnose also has lavender. echosong just had roses (solely ornamental) which were meant to play on the whole idea of skyclan being an overdone facsimile of the clans. alderheart has deathberries because of course he does and puddleshine had coltsfoot (i think that one was random). i dont know why i gave cinderpelt nondescript berries at all

[kurakaji]

Johnny/Kerry angst baybe, seasoned w/ regret <3

Song inspo here, please give em a listen 💜

Here it is folks!! Johnny realizing he's an ass but also soft memories that melt my heart. Big sad. snippet from some shit I'm writing that I think goes well on its own, and otherwise it'll never see the light of day. I hope u like it <3

Looking back, Kerry's probably one of his biggest regrets. The way he'd treated him, seeing it, *feeling* it through V when they have a flashback. Vs disappointment, anger, disgust as it plays out. Sadness. And something else Johnny still hasn't found a name for. Seeing himself through that kinda lens really changes, well. Everything for Johnny.

Maybe it takes him longer to accept than it should, but this shits hard for him. He spent most his life avoiding these thoughts and feelings. But V is there, he isn't alone in dealing with this, even if they don't talk bout it. Johnny doesn’t know how to, ironically for a song writer he doesnt know the right words. There's a deep fear that V will leave him, as if that were possible. Dumb as hell but just knowing V is always there is like a security blanket. A place to hide. And fuck it, he'd allow himself that comfort. This ain't a normal situation to be in. Fuck, he can practically hear V saying to do it, so he does.

Its hard to go from complete detachment for consequences to constantly thinking about the same moments over and over, how they changed things, what his actions and words had done. It feels like combing through hair and finding a lot of lice or some gross shit. Things warranting disgust for sure.

All these revelations only confuses and upsets him as he realizes how much shit Kerry had put up with. Johnny was an absolute cunt most of the time. They would fight, wouldn't talk for days (hell even weeks) at a time. But eventually one of them would come back. Every time.. And Johnny just can't understand why Kerry would keep willingly come back to him.

Johnny would try to do nice things sometimes, sure. Bring Kerry his favorite breakfast, coffee just how he liked it. Enjoyed listening to Kerry vent about whatever subject had him heated this week, which would usually sneak its way into a song somewhere. It was peaceful, domestic even. Bliss, compared to his current life. The good ol days.

Johnny didn’t admit he was wrong back then (still has trouble doing that now), but even back then there were times he knew. He would never said sorry unless he'd really fucked up and things wouldn't get better otherwise. Real charming. He'd try to make up for his mistakes in other ways and Kerry understood that. Probably one of the few reason he kept coming back, knowing it wasn’t an even trade by a long shot.

There's this one moment Johnny remembers, cant get it outta his head. One night after Johnny came back from a long job Kerry had greeted him with a hug as he dropped his bags at the door. It'd caught Johnny off guard but he hugged back, and he can vividly remember feeling Kerrys whole body relax against him, could almost hear the affection in his voice and soft kisses. Johnny had loved every minute of it. He'd let himself relax too, for once. One of the few things he got right.

"I'm glad you're home" Kerry had murmured against his lips, at the time he hadnt thought much of it- they didn’t technically live together- he's a man of independence after all, can't be tied down, and admittedly a shitty roommate. But he didn’t blink an eye.

"Mmm, me too" he smiled, happy to just stand there for as long as they wanted. Finding himself really relaxing, hadnt realized how stressed and tense he'd been. But he was with Kerry now. He's home, he can let his guard down. Relax for real. He's safe here. Happy, even.

Pathetic how simple it was, and how he still struggled with it. That memory triggers a deep ache whenever he remembers it. And he thinks about it a lot, cant get it off his mind. All the other small moments he'd never appreciated. There's so much he wishes he could do, say. Fix. But all he can do is exist, and even thats rocky. He's a passenger to life with no real agency. And looking back on his own actions, Johnny is often grateful for that limitation. Harder for him to fuck everything up this way, make things even worse. And yet he's still somehow managing to do that too.

Okay, cool beans, thanks for reading! First time sharing my writing. I'd love to hear your own thoughts if you wanna add/discuss anything :3

[daaziscoolbesties]

[REPOST] MY 2K WORD COMMENTARY/ANALYSIS OF RANBOO’S LORE STREAM

‼️‼️This post contains lore spoilers from Ranboo’s 4/23 stream, “The Enderwalk Saga. Chapter 1: The Lessons”. If you haven’t seen that stream don’t read ahead unless you want spoilers‼️‼️

disclaimer: this isnt really an analysis as much as a bunch of commentary and half-baked theories.

-on the way to the mansion he was sort of talking to himself saying stuff like "i'm good i'm good" which m a y be a normal thing but also maybe it's not and it flew over our heads cause he talks to chats and donos like that so often

-again, this one may just be a normal thing but when he was climbing up the stairs in the mansion looking for foolish, he repeats some of his words like down to the exact same tone of voice and everything. 12:42,  "this mansion is way too big actually. this mansion is way too big actually." (why the repeated actually? seems odd to me but again it might just be a normal thing that i haven't picked up on). (right after) "okay okay lemme find him lemme find him" again repeated words in the e x a c t same tone.

-does everyone know about ranboo's silk touch hands ability thing? or was that just a techno and ranboo main character moment. bc if it was, how would foolish know that ranboo could pick up the full cake after it'd been partially eaten. unless everyone on the sever knows about that in which case this means nothing. but if they d o n t know... how would foolish know? ranboo wrote about it in the do not read book so maybe if it's not a publicly known thing maybe foolish got his hands on the book and read it??

-14:53-ish, they're talking about the war room and how it was for tubbo or whatever and ranboo says, and i quote "he prepares for lore but he's never gonna do it." now funny thing is at first i couldn't tell if he said "war" like in reference to the war room or "lore". but after playing the clip over and over i can say with ALMOST 100% certainty that he said lore. there is a definite L sound at the beginning of the word. which either means a) this was a slip up (doubtful bc he said later that there were no mistakes), b) he broke the fourth wall because they were supposed to be rping at that point, or c) i'm completely wrong and he said "war" which leads down an entire other road of possibilities

-15:17 "are you a book reader?" "*checks inventory for do not read book* uh yeah i'd say i'm a book reader-" dunno how i didn't catch this the first time I HATE THAT DAMN BOOK

-15:18 there's blue in his hotbar. where did he get the blue.

-16:40 "it's like a metaphor- i have two minds: i have my normal self, my normal little shift-dancing self, and then the builder one. the builder one is demanding. it's a very demanding mind." ranboo then lets out a weird sigh after this. i feel like what foolish was talking about was an indirect(?) parallel to ranboo in and out of enderwalk, there's how he normally is, trying to do best for others, and then there's enderwalk, meeting up with bad guys and "demanding" things (its very late as i write this i really don't know what i'm talking about)

-17:11 "you have your panic closet" i'm sorry his what now 😀 no but seriously how the hell did i miss some of these

-18:04 "you're asking me if i remember?" very funny ranboo thank you for making jokes in these trying times

-18:25 WHY DID HE GET OUT THE AXE WHEN STARING AT THE BEE

-19:38 why did foolish hold the grass block- most of these observations probably mean nothing but- h u h - is that- i'm too tired for this

-19:54 "i never properly thanked you for the deal you made with me" so foolish got something out of this deal, we're not sure if ranboo did. "the green cardboard box" again do you mean dream's house- but seriously the only people i can think of on the server that are associated with green are dream and sam. and i have no idea what cardboard box could be referring to.  foolish got a lime colored shulker from drista

-20:30 "we're supposed to only talk about it at a certain location" hmm now where would that be? panic room maybe? cause like usually after doing a big thing in the enderwalk state ranboo wakes up in the panic room so maybe?  the deal was that they only talk about it in his house

-21:52 how does ranboo receive(?) the lessons? like are they whispered to him in his mind or is he seeing them as words in front of him like we see? hmm

-"Lesson 14: If you have the opportunity to gain a favor, take it." "gain a favor" don't you usually ask people for favors though? how does one "gain a favor"? anyways i'm pretty sure lesson 14 has to do with the deal foolish was talking about. (the deal explained because i now have info: at some point a bit ago foolish met up with ranboo and asked to make a deal, he'd gotten a shulker box from drista. the deal was that ranboo would have ownership of the box, it would be under his name but foolish rents/borrows it indefinitely. ranboo negotiated that if he took ownership of the box he would get a "war favor"  from foolish where if something happens that creates sides, ranboo can ask him a favor that could change his side. but why would foolish want ranboo to have ownership of the shulker you may ask? well i have an answer for you. a theory actually but still. basically since drista technically isn't supposed to give out shit on the server if someone where to have that stuff then they may get in trouble. foolish wants to be able to use the shulker but if it gets found he doesn't want to get in trouble, so he can blame it on ranboo seeing as it's under his name.)

-22:16-ish "i still have this from when you *can't understand whats said here*" well i guess that sort of explains why he had the grass block? idk man (info update: he had the grass block from when ranboo threw it at him telling him to calm down like what ghostbur does with blue)

-31:35 "i figured out how to cause it" how to cause the enderwalk state

-38:30 "ninety three lessons" I STILL DONT KNOW WHY HE KEPT SAYING NINETY THREE AND NOT NINETY FOUR AND ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY LMAO

-39:01 "it's all for the greater good" okay well when are you gonna start thinking about yourself and not everyone else for once huh. self care bitch.

-40:31 he started holding the axe when he was looking at sam- gonna say it i really don't like that axe ahahah- WAIT A DAMN MINUTE THE AXE IS NAMED "axe of ender" I DONT LIKE THAT I DONT LIKE THAT AT ALL

-41:53 is there something?? physically keeping him from telling sam??? or maybe it's sort of like his enderwalk state taking control to make him shut the fuck up??? so many questions and approximately zero answers

-43:18 ranboo raising his voice legitimately scares me 😀👍

-"Lesson 27: Do not reminisce on what you have lost for it will weigh you down." showed up when he was thinking about and REMINISCING about the community house 👀👀

-"Lesson 53: Never fully trust anyone." showed up literally after he said that he thinks he can trust the other people on the server enough to tell them about what he did

-"Lesson 67: Leave no evidence of what you have helped with." this is different from the others because there doesn't seem to be at least a semi-direct connection to it? unless maybe at the time ranboo was near something he may have "helped with"? not sure about this one

-"Lesson 94: DO NOT LET THEM KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE" yeah yeah i get it i get it he's fucked up some shit in enderwalk i don't feel like analyzing this thanks

-OH OH NOTICE HOW HE SAYS "REMEMBERING" WHEN THE LESSONS SHOW UP. IMPLYING THAT THIS ISNT A NEW THING, ITS HAPPENED BEFORE AND NOW HES REMEMBERING IT. MAYBE HE WROTE DOWN THE LESSONS WHEN HE WAS IN ENDERWALK AND NOW THAT HES BEEN EXPERIMENTING ITS BEEN EASIER FOR HIM TO REMEMBER THOSE ENDERWALK MEMORIES

-okokok the experiments are that he's been e x p e r i m e n t i n g on how to purposefully induce the enderwalk state. and we know now that it wasn't from the pain of the water because on the stream afterwords he said that it's caused by the intense fear of something happening. and so the "side effects" of the experiments is that since he's in enderwalk more often(?) he starts remembering more things from it

-OH MY GOD WAIT "there is a reason sam, there's so many reasons, theres ninety three of them" (44:47) WHAT IF EVERY LESSON IS TIED TO A QUOTE UNQUOTE "reason" THAT RANBOO THINKS HES A BAD PERSON/NEEDS TO BE LOCKED UP BUT HE SAYS NINETY THREE INSTEAD OF NINETY FOUR BECAUSE THE NINETY FOURTH LESSON DOESNT HAVE A REASON YET/HE DOESNT REMEMBER IT HAVING A REASON

-dude honestly the whole sam part hurts so much this man is scarily good at acting

-46:46 "i cant put you in the prison you wouldn't be able to see michael anymore" bestie that's the point he doesn't want to accidentally hurt michael or tubbo in the enderwalk state—

-okay but there's no way that sam couldn't tell that ranboo was at least TRYING to confess to something- i feel like he definitely knows more than he's letting on because usually like when people do bad shit or admit to doing bad shit he's like in Prison Guard Mode™️ (he literally cut off ponk's arm because he stole some keycards or something) and whatever and idk what he knows but he definitely knows something and is trying to protect ranboo. or he's trying to manipulate him or smth either one works—

-50:38 "you are a good person" "i am?" you can hear my heart shatter. "yes you are" "i don't think so sam" "i do, even if you don't" "i really don't think so" and there it goes again

-51:25 hello badboyhalo i see you to the left of ranboo

-52:44 "but then my curiosity got the best of me" curiosity killed the cat, bitch

-52:54 "there's ninety three, ninety four, ninety- theres so many reasons!" SEE!! NOT ONLY ARE THERE THAT MANY LESSONS THERE ARE REASONS THAT CORRESPOND IM S O SMART—

-52:56 "i don't want to remember anymore!" *quietly brings forth my theory that when ranboo loses a canon life his memory gets wiped*

-53:13 "ive opened pandora's box" isn't the prison?? literally called pandora's VAULT??? so this m a y be a stretch but i'm thinking that maybe this could be taken in the literal sense that he "opened" the prison and let dream out (the sirens at the end of quackity's stream confirm that dream is indeed out)

-53:42 mans just straight up walked through a ghost i—

-55:37 so are we just gonna ignore the eleventh page of the book? "he's alive, but hopefully soon dream won't be"??? alright nevermind it's most likely bc when tommy came back he recruited ranboo in his plan to kill dream

-55:47 notice how he writes "what am i?" as opposed to "who am i?" no elaboration here idk what it could be

-56:08 just so it's clear for anyone who doesn't know- he's wearing armor at this point, and i'm like 90% sure that when he wears his armor water can't hurt him. and i saw someone say somewhere that like with splash potions when thrown it turns into a gas-like thing? so again, it didn't hurt him, he didn't get hurt. he said in the chill stream that he wasn't comfortable making it where his character had to hurt himself to do that. the thing that causes the enderwalk isn't pain, it's intense and sudden emotions like fear and stress. thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

[lovelyfinch]

my summary of ranboo’s story of his character from his stream

copied from my 5 page google doc i wrote instead of doing homework

this starts at the beginning and goes until 1hr 28 minutes into the stream

(i think i got basically everything he said)

joined the server, killed by dream, received a small tour from niki

the next day, he got a tour from tubbo, president of lmanburg. they talked about how ranboo was also running for president

shaped his first thoughts on lmanburg. that it was a good place.

finding michael with tubbo!

meets tommy! tommy tells him about george and ranboo agrees to burn down georges house (in order to not make enemies since he thought they had more than him)

niki and puffy were on a date and they tried to sneakily get past (asking niki for her armor, not suspicious at all)

tommy and ranboo grief georges house, accidentally burning it down. they ran from it, thinking they got away.

puffy asks if ranboo did it. ranboo couldn’t remember and doesn’t know why.

dream started building the walls on lmanburg

dream shows them georges house, destroyed. tommy gets blamed, ranboo is questioned bc puffy says she saw him. tubbo kills ranboo with the spoon (not canon)

the meeting hall to meet with dream. 

THE MINUTES MAN OF LMANBURG - tasked with taking the notes for the meeting

there was a pig man watching the meeting

the meeting did not go well. tommy brings out spirit against dream. dream played along but didn’t truly care, only caring for the disks.

tommy stood up for ranboo at the trial. they asked ranboo about it and he said his memory was bad but they cut him off. he never said he didnt remember the burning, only that his memory was bad.

being the minutes man gave him the idea to make the first Do Not Read book, writing who to trust and not trust

dream tubbo tommy quackity and fundy on the wall. tommy being taken away for some reason. the exile.

ranboo felt guilty because tommy wasn’t the only one who destroyed george’s house.

things in lmanburg were going great, he had a house and pets and was the minutes man and technically part of the cabinet

feeling guilty, he visits tommy in exile a few times. ranboo could tell something was off with him, with dream. so he wrote letters to tommy, trying to understand what he was going through in exile.

things were good, he built the ice cream shop with fundy

one day ranboo was approached whilst writing in his memory book. quackity tells him that techno is a traitor, the reason things are bad. and that they were gonna go get him and bring him to justice. which ranboo thought meant a trial and such.

the first butcher army meeting. ranboo is confused by it, the bloody butcher outfits. 

traitors are bad right? can’t have traitors

the butcher army went to technos place. ranboo shot a few arrows, maybe intentionally missing “he is a person still”

q gets carl and so techno agrees to go with the army

the execution. no trial. techno gets executed but survived.

phil, who saved ranboo from lava, who ranboo liked, gets put on house arrest. phil is mad at the army but ranboo was saying how he didnt think itd just be an execution. so the two are on even/neutral grounds.

ranboo talks to ghostbur, who calls him an aaron burr. they go to the snow, to technos. techno immediately tries to kill ranboo, who was just part of the butcher army. threatens him until he gives back all his armor.

tommy was at technos too. with techno. ranboo is surprised and writes it in his memory book.

ranboo goes back to lmanburg. realizes he just betrayed the entire butcher army by giving the armor back and saying he doesnt know where tommy is.

he kept seeing techno and tommy around lmanburg with dogs for some reason

he was kind of on both sides, techno/tommys and lmanburgs. he doesnt want to choose so he decides to help everyone

the festival plan to try to kill dream. ranboo spent time making festival games (the trident game!)

dream arrives and starts building the wall again

before the festival ranboo met with techno and tommy.

the community house was blown up. gone. 

according to dream it was techno and tommy.

dream says hes gonna blow up lmanburg again. techno joins him. blow it all the way to bedrock.

dream calls ranboo out as a traitor in front of everyone. dream has ranboos book. the first memory book. which ranboo had lost a few days prior, and found somewhere he didn’t put it. it had been moved. dream gives it to tubbo

THE PANIC ROOM. a place for him to think. the water outside providing a white noise. 

ranboo realizes that he kept choosing sides. he decides to choose people.

ranboo wonders how dream had his memory book

he checks the memory book and just finds the smile. the first smile. “all that was left is a smile”

that book becomes the second memory book.

the destruction of lmanburg on the horizon, they band together to attempt to stop it.

he speaks out. there are lots of people watching him

eye contact. he lashes out at people, as his judgement is impaired

he goes back to the panic room

the dream voice. a voice that is him but sounds like dream. it tells him that by trying to help everyone he has just betrayed everyone. ranboo doesn’t believe the voice because all he did was give techno his armor under pressure, right?

he decides the best thing to do is help the people who have helped him. lmanburg. 

but the first memory book is still missing

“it was time for doomsday”

they thought they still had time to save lmanburg. but then they heard explosions and withers.

lmanburg. “it was falling. it was gone”

people were suddenly switching sides and in the chaos of the destruction ranboo hears techno ask “what’s this do not read book”

ranboo runs to techno to get the book, techno has it. techno gave him the book and told him to get out of there, that he has no issue with him. techno showed ranboo mercy when he could have killed him

ranboo doesnt know where he stands with the destruction of lmanburg. so he watched. “watched as lmanburg fell”

he talks with fundy, with quackity, after the fall. fundy seemed off. quackity seemed to forgive ranboo, having read the book and changed his mind.

ranboo didn’t know what to do

“someone came in and asked me if i was okay. phil. phil realized that when he blew up everything” that ranboo was one of the few who lived in lmanburg and had no more home. phil offers him a place to stay, with him and techno

the situation is awkward at first but they get through it

MELLOHI

ranboo hears mellohi. “a disk from somewhere far away” “it was from the panic room”

he goes back to the panic room. “why was i hearing this from all the way over there” and takes out the disk. but then “an old friend came back. the voice.” 

but this time with more to say. that he was more of a traitor than he thought. the voice tells him that he has been helping dream the entire time. but that he just didn’t remember that. that he had something to do with the community house and other things on the server.

the voice wasnt dream. it was what he thought was himself trying to fill the gaps with memories.

he denies the voices claims. “you have no proof”

the voice says to mine an obsidian block. behind it are two pieces of tnt. 

he still doesnt believe the voice

ranboo is very confused. did he do it? did he not?

the disk war. tommy and tubbo had begun to prepare.

“the disks were very important right?”

“and then i just… lived. for a while.”

“for the first time in a while, happy. and that was good”

and so he decides that he is done. “done with living in fear of the dream voice”

and so he goes to the dream voice

“the dream voice said, hey? you literally have a disk”

“there’s no way i could have a disk right?”

but the voice says that he hid it. he met with dream. so he searched. and he found a disk. the disk. in a chest under his house. 

“so then i realized. something’s going on. there must be a reason why i cant remember these visits with dream, right?”

he “had been sleepwalking of sorts but that was a problem for another day”

time for the disk war. everyone thought that both tommy and tubbo would die

(he forgets what happens next? canon? idk)

dream was now in prison.

he decides to call the sleepwalking state enderwalking

everything was good. except the egg, but “we don’t gotta care about that”

ranboo has the “good idea” to visit dream

so he visits the prison. everything went normally. except “dream told me exactly what i didnt want to hear. apparently i had been visiting dream. i had been talking to dream.”

“and apparently i was one of his best friends”

and dream hands him his own memory book. the entire chest was filled with memory books.

“dream disappeared. and the prison started to crumble. and i guess the entire prison visit was just the dream voice but even worse”

so he didnt know what to do “i guess i’ll keep my head down. i didn’t really do much during that time”

but he needed to visit the prison again. “for real. to actually get closure”

he gets in to the lobby. sam asks his questions. and asks when the last time he visited. “and of course i havent visited before. so i said this is my first time.” and sam said “very funny” and tells him he has visited before. 

“i had technically visited the prison in the enderwalk. i asked sam to show me the books and they were written in ender”

he looked through the memory books, the three he had now. nothing showed that he had visited before. “there must have been a fourth book”

“i dont know what the fourth book is. and i still dont know where it is to this day”

“the fourth book wasnt a memory book. it was a book of the enderwalk” so he’s searching for it

he tried but nothing worked.

“i guess i was just kind of living. i noticed my tools on lower durability and my beacon had gone missing”

“the best thing to do is just live”

visiting snowchester a lot

done cool things with techno. techno was his friend now

“i was happy”

building the bee n boo, got married for tax reasons. 

the news. “after saving michael we got news. tommy had died. tommy was dead.”

the grieving stage.

one day ranboo decided to just relax. and then he sees niki. “what was niki doing at me techno and phils house?”

decided to be “extra stealthy” and watch out the window

techno asks him about anarchy, and ranboo says “that sounds good”

ranboo “had become part of something called the syndicate” which seemed to be for conflict resolution

tells the syndicate tommy died

tommy was alive? “somehow tommy was still alive. how? how is that possible?” 

and then something happened. ranboo gets brought to a room. with two shrines and a hallway. with everything people value.

he started to remember. to hear things. 

“so dream had a revive book. he was trying to control the server by using everyones loved things against them”

he doesnt remember when punz and everyone came and saved tommy and tubbo from being killed by dream

dream had to be stopped “before he could bring back the villains”

he has michael to protect now

tommy approaches while he is with tubbo. and ranboo agrees with tommy. they build that tower

talks with ghostbur “and he seemed like he didnt want to go, which was interesting”

“so right now im trying to kill dream”

but the enderwalk is still an issue. he needs to figure out how to stop the enderwalk. “it hasnt happened in a while, right?”

the reason he is doing everything is to make sure his adopted son, michael, is safe.

and that is the story so far.