smileylimey-blog

[born-to-lose]

So no Dead Girls Are Good on Spotify???

[omegalomania]

I think tumblr ate my ask or it just didn't sent but what are your favorite Bastille songs / what are some songs you recommend?

i did NOT get this ask im very sorry anon.

it's genuinely hard for me to narrow down cause bastille is pretty up there in terms of favorite artists. i love all their shit, but a special mention goes out to their second studio album wild world since it's the one that made me a Fan

uh so here's a primer i guess i spent too much time on this lmao.

if you wanna listen to their big hits:

flaws - their first single in the uk. if you ever listened to ship playlists on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 then you've probably heard this song or a variant on it at some point.

pompeii - this is the song that really put them on the map and you definitely know it. it dominated the charts all over the place.

happier - the marshmello song that you've definitely heard before too. i think bastille wrote this for justin bieber or some shit but then decided they liked it too much to give it to him? lmao. anyway if you're not digging the version you hear on the radio all the time i recommend trying the stripped down version

good grief - their big hit off their second album. big in the uk, didn't really make as many waves elsewhere, but it's a really solid song anyway. one of those "upbeat tunes that's actually really fucking sad" ones

things we lost in the fire - another one off their first album. if you live in a wildfire area this might not be one to turn to. or maybe you'll find it cathartic idk i certainly do!!

quarter past midnight - a song about escapism, as was fitting when it was released in 2018 and equally fitting now. running away for a night of fucking around with friends, craving any kind of brief departure from the chaos of the modern world

skulls - this one was not a hit or a single and is technically a bonus track but i'm including it because once again if you ever clicked on a ship playlist on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 you've heard this one. and you know what that was justified this one is also good

if you wanna feel existentially depressed:

their whole discography. i mean i kid but i also don't. that's just kind of how bastille does it. BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS ones that hit me in particular would beeee

two evils - kind of a grim, haunting one introspecting about morality of the self.

oblivion - musing about the afterlife, love, and how time changes all of us.

those nights - contemplating what it is we seek when we plunge into reckless escapism, and the inherent loneliness of it; how even when surrounded by people there's still the pressure of the world outside, continuously coming to pieces

the draw - this one was written about the pull of pursuing a career in music vs. staying home with family and friends. in a broader sense, it can apply to a lot of things. i always felt it resonated with feelings of paranoia and displacement

winter of our youth - discusses childhood, nostalgia, and regret. if it feels like everything's slipping away, is it easier to relive the past, especially if the past is tinted rose?

sleepsong - loneliness, desperation, and the cyclical, abyss-like nature of all it encapsulates

if you want discussion of serious topics:

final hour - a bonus track off their second album that also became a bonus track off their third album? anyway this song talks about climate change and gun control. happy stuff

doom days - this one talks about, uh, everything! doomscrolling, political divides, escalating national tensions, climate change again, etc.

the currents - a song centered on political rhetoric and the power that figureheads have over the masses, the way they can orchestrate hate. basically it's not so subtly aimed at donald trump lmao, dan's literally sung it as much in a few live settings

WHAT YOU GONNA DO??? - social media addiction and the way capitalism and corporate interests have annexed our online experiences, fighting desperately for our attention as they seek to monetize every available aspect of our lives

four walls (the ballad of perry smith) - well this one is about uh. perry smith. who was charged with the death penalty for killing 4 people in the late 50's. but it's less directly about him and more a discussion of the morality of the death penalty and capital punishment

snakes - burgeoning anxieties and the impulse to turn to easy outs, like ignorance or alcoholism, to escape the world's global problems

if you want some pop culture sprinkled on top:

icarus - greek mythology. i like this one because it addresses something that i feel isn't addressed enough in discussions of this myth, which is that icarus is a very young lad. less about the pride of the fall, and more about the inherent tragedy of that.

laura palmer - the whole song is a david lynch shoutout. i've never seen twin peaks myself but the song still slaps.

daniel in the den - christian mythology. discusses the biblical tale of daniel in the lion's den and links that up to themes of betrayal and family.

poet - this one's a double feature, referencing both william shakespeare's sonnet 18 and edmund spencer's sonnet 75. also one of my favorites.

send them off! - this is another one of my favorites of theirs. it's also been described by dan as "othello meets the exorcist" and it very much delivers there

if you want something uplifting:

joy - while bastille (understandably) has a bit of reputation as a band that makes sad music about sad things, they've definitely got some happier songs in their catalogue. pun intended cha ching. this one's one of their more straightforwardly happy tunes

survivin' - this was a song they wrote while they were touring and then felt weird about releasing once the panini hit because it felt a bit on the nose. they ended up releasing it anyway and i am so glad they did cause it's a mood

act of kindness - the "happy" part here is debatable but i'm gonna include it anyway. it’s when someone does something nice for you and that impulse Changes you way down deep you know???

warmth - one of those "the world's going to shit but at least we have each other" kinds of tunes

the anchor - one of those "the world's going to shit but you're the one fucking thing that's still keeping me here" kinds of tunes

give me the future - their latest single as of this writing and one of the more optimistic tracks in their catalogue imo! it's yearning, but it's also with a genuine hope for the future.

and LASTLY. because im going to take every chance i can to plug this band. im going to throw some collabs and covers at you because there's one thing this band does SUPER well and it's collabs and covers.

of the night - this is the big one. it mashes up rhythm of the night by corona and rhythm is a dancer by SNAP! and it's so good they still do this one live and it goes off every time.

no angels - a mashup of "no scrubs" by TLC and "angels" by the xx, poured into a strangely mournful tune with clips from the hitchcock movie psycho. doesn't sound like it should work but it does. kinda really does.

torn apart - with GRADES and lizzo no less!!! it's got two parts but they're both excellent listen to them both

weapon - collab with angel haze, dan priddy, and F*U*G*Z and one of my absolute favorites

remains - remix of their song "skulls" but featuring rag'n'bone man and skunk anansie that adds an entire new dimension to the song, really fucking excellent

old town road mashup - lil nas x's old town road meets lizzo's good as hell meets radiohead's talk show host meets talking heads' road to nowhere meets the osmond's crazy horse. "what the fuck that shouldn't work" i KNOW and yet here it is!! BLATANTLY BANGING!!!

we can't stop - one of the few times dan smith subtly changes the lyrics of the song he's covering (most of the time he opts to keep the original pronouns and the like, which is very nice to see). anyway this one mixes miley cyrus's we can't stop with eminem's lose yourself and billy ray cyrus's achy breaky heart. and also the lion king's i just can't wait to be king is there. yes i know it sounds batshit especially because the whole thing is surprisingly melodic and heartfelt and you know what it works.

anyone but me x nightmares - mashing up joy crookes' anyone but me with easy life's nightmares and absolutely one of my favorites.

bad guy mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "bad" in the title? we've got bad guy (billie eilish), bad decisions (bastille), bad romance (lady gaga), and bad blood (taylor swift). bastille even has a song called bad blood and they didnt use it. they used taylor swift's version. also the distinctive guitar riff from dick dale's misirlou is there.

somebody mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "some" in the title? someone like you (adele), somebody told me (the killers), somebody to love (queen), use somebody (kings of leon), and someone you loved (lewis capaldi). seriously these guys take mashups to a new level.

final song - this is a cover of MØ's final song. it also adds in craig david's 7 days and, impossibly enough, europe's final countdown. how does it work. how.

ALL RIGHT. THATS ALL IVE GOT IN ME. HOPE THIS HELPED ANON AND IM SORRY IF THIS IS TOO MUCH

[nctsjiho]

King JiHo (Favourite JiHo moments)

Fan Video by ‘Haechan’s Children’ on YouTube

(indented text = comments added by the maker of the video) I’m 100% convinced that this is JiHo’s world and we’re just living in it. Here’s some moments that prove this <3 Enjoyyyy~~

[[N'-135] New Thangs🙆‍♀️🙆‍♂️New Thangs👍👃 | ‘영웅(Kick It)’ 인기가요 대기실 비하인드]

NCT 127 was chilling in their dressing room, backstage, waiting for their turn to perform ‘Kick It’. JiHo sat in one of the chairs in front of the mirrors, ready to get her make up done. Taeyong who was holding the camera walked up to the girl ready to interview her.

“And here we have our lovely JiHo getting ready for our stage.” He commented, earning a hum from the girl. “How are you feeling- oh? What’s that?” The camera wasn’t pointed at anything anymore as Taeyong leaned in closer to the girl then readjusted the camera again to focus on JiHo. His hand reached out to grab her chin and his thumb lightly pressed against a purple spot beneath the left corner of her lip. “Is it real?” The concern was audible in his question and JiHo nodded.

“I thought it was fake! What happened? When did you get that bruise? It looks painful.” Taeyong kept firing out questions which had both JiHo and the make up artist, who was currently working on her, laughing. “It doesn’t hurt too bad.” JiHo answered coolly, her eyes darted to the mirror in front of her and she noticed Mark walk behind her.

“Mark and I got into a fight yesterday.” Taeyong gasped and Mark snapped his head towards her after hearing his name. “What?” Both men asked shocked at the statement. “Mark hit you?” Taeyong asked once again pointing towards the bruise on JiHo’s face. “What are you talking about?” Mark stuttered over his words and turned his head to take a closer look at the bruise. JiHo didn’t say anything as Taeyong put down the camera on the table in front of them and started scolding the innocent boy.

Both JiHo and the make up artist were laughing and JiHo decided to grab the camera and point it towards both boys. “Oppa. I’m just kidding, leave poor Mark alone.” She explained, trying not to laugh again.

Johnny who had been watching everything happen had joined the group wordlessly. “Lim JiHo! You can’t joke about things like that!” The leader scolded and Mark let out a relieved gasp. “What?” She laughed at his expression. “I know we didn’t get into a fight, but I almost started second guessing myself that I somehow did do that to you.” With a hand on his heart, the panic lingered in his eyes for a few more seconds before it slowly vanished.

“You two are so gullible, oh lord.” JiHo chuckled and Johnny now settled between both boys, patting them both on their shoulders. “Taeyong you should’ve known better. If JiHo did get into a fight with Mark, we all know Mark would be the one to come out that with bruises. Not the other way around.”

She has these boys wrapped around her finger and she knows it!

[NCT 127 Talks "Superhuman", Tour, and KPop]

“What makes NCT 127 different from every other boy band?” Jaehyun’s eyes met JiHo’s, who is sitting on the front row of members next to Jungwoo. They shared a smile as Zach, the host, continues his question.

Johnny translated the question to all the other members and JiHo slowly brought the mic up to her lips. Once Johnny finished translating, the female voice of JiHo resonated through the room. “Well...” She stopped there with a nod and everyone started laughing.

After Taeyong and Johnny finished their answer JiHo grabbed her mic once again. “Just want to clarify, I’m not saying I’m the only reason we’re different, I’m just saying, if you’re calling us a boy band then of course me being a female member would technically already make us different from all other boy bands.” She quickly added.

“How does that feel? Being the only girl in a group of men.” Zach asked and JiHo shrugged. “It doesn’t feel abnormal to me. I think after knowing the guys for such a long time I just like, kind of found my spot with them and it just feels normal.” “I think JiHo sometimes forgets that she a girl...” Johnny added carefully, his voice turning a bit unsure at the end. With the boys laughing in the background JiHo waved a piece sign in front of the camera closest to her and started “acting cool” before talking into the mic with a deeper voice. “I’m part of the boys. Part of the homies. Ya know?”

JiHo sweetie, I know you wanna look cool, but all you’re doing is looking adorable. Please stop I’m gonna have a heart attack

[⚾️시티고 야구부⚾️ EP.1 라커 급습 | NCT 127 Baseball Team]

After Johnny’s joke about copying Mark(’s butt), Taeil spoke up, “Aren’t we missing someone?” “Where’s JiHo?” Yuta spun around once as if he was looking for the absent girl. “Tsk. Again, she’s late-” “Lee Haechan!” A voiced boomed off of frame.

JiHo walked in with a confident stride stopping in the middle of the room and staring straight into the main camera. “Don’t speak about your baseball team leader like that.” She said in a cold tone. “Sunbaenim, where were you?” Johnny asked. Since the age rolls were reversed, JiHo was now the oldest in the group. “I just came back from the gym as the leader of the cheerleading team who just finished practise.” “You’re also their leader?” Doyoung stifled a laugh and JiHo turned to him sending him a glare. He put up his hands in a defensive pose and took a step back after which JiHo turned back to the camera.

“Why? Don’t you believe me?” “I don’t know JiHo. It’s just that-” Mark stopped talking before being able to finish his sentence as the girl kicked up her left leg. She caught her foot with her left hand and pulled her leg up until it was next to her face, extended into a heel stretch. Her right hand was also in the air, showing of how great her balance and flexibility is. She kept the pose for a few seconds before bringing her foot back down to the ground. “Wow!” The boys gasped in surprised.

JiHo isn’t trying to be flexible, flexible is trying to be JiHo

She eyed Mark who quickly acknowledged the fact that she fit as the role of the cheerleading team. “Don’t underestimate me Markie.” The teasing tone along with the nickname sent a shiver down the boy’s spine, the other boys either oohing or being slightly scared themselves.

Why is Mark always the victim of JiHo’s teasing?? I can’t with them

[‘To You’ #3]

The whole ‘To You’ series was really sweet and emotional. So this isn’t as funny as the previous clips, but I felt like this still fits the theme so well. I also think that not that many fans have seen this before, so after this clip you should watch all 3 videos <3

PS. this isn’t the full clip but here are some of my favourite parts of Taeil’s message to JiHo

“It must have been hard right? Your position in the group is very special and it must come with a lot of pressure.” Taeil’s eyes fell into his lap, a sad smile on his lips. “But you always try to hide your hardships from the group.”

I believe what he means with ‘position’ is being the maknae of the group as well as being the only girl

“I wished that you could come to us more and open up about those things, because I know that everyone (in the group) would drop everything they were doing in a heartbeat to hear you out.” He took a deep breath before continuing.

“Haechan is the mood maker in the sense that he likes joking around and being loud, but you also are a mood maker. Just in your own unique way. You’re such a good listener and observer so you notice things other people might not. You approach members silently or make small gestures, which mean a lot, to cheer someone up. But you can also be funny and loud. I appreciate both of those sides of you.”

I’m not crying, you are ::>_<::

It was silent for a little as Taeil seemed deep in thought. “I know you don’t like to be treated in a more special way than the other members, and the older members really try not to show it. But in our minds... and in our hearts, you do have a special place. I know you are a strong person and can protect yourself just as well, if not better, than the other members, but I can’t help but want to protect you.”

“Whatever anyone says, those people who aren’t our fans or don’t understand us, I hope you don’t take their painful words to heart. Because you are just as fit to be in NCT as any of the other members.”

I’m so happy to see how much NCT cares for JiHo, not that I ever doubted that they didn’t, but seeing this was so heart-warming and JiHo’s reaction was so sweet as well as her message to Taeyong (but you have to go watch the original video for that ;-) )

[[Un Cut] Take #4 I ‘NCT - RESONANCE Pt. 1’ The Future ver. Jacket Behind the Scene]

The camera focused on JiHo who was currently doing her individual shots. She was wearing a beige oversized long sleeve that showed of her collarbones but covered up most of the rest of her body.

JiHo squatted down and tilted her head to the side to show of her jawline. The staff were complimenting her as the shoot went on.

A particular switch in poses had elicited a surprising response from one of the female staff members. “Wow~ Has she always been this pretty?” She said in awe, which caused everyone to start laughing and agreeing.

After JiHo’s shoot it was Ten and Kun’s turn. During Ten’s individual interview he brought up the event that happened before his shoot started. “I heard that the staff was surprised by JiHo’s visuals.” He chuckled. “My baby is very pretty everyone. Don’t forget that or you’ll be surprised and fall in love with her like the staff member did.”

I don’t know if I’m freaking out more because Ten just called JiHo his baby or because she called her very pretty so casually? Also thanks for the warning Ten, but I’m already madly in love with JiHo so... a bit too late for that.

[Idol Crushes? | HDIGH Ep. #xx Highlight]

“Weren’t you promoting (’Revolution’) recently?” Jae (Day6) asked AleXa who was sat next to him. She hummed. “Actually it was around the same time that NCT was promoting their music.” “Oh did you talk to them?” AleXa shook her head whilst laughing but then stopped suddenly as if she remembered something.

“She wasn’t promoting with them at the time, but I saw JiHo sunbaenim backstage.” This comment perked up Jae’s interest as he sat up in his chair. “Did you introduce yourself?” “Yeah she actually noticed me first and came to say hi.”

Diane, who was the person behind the camera gasped loudly. “Why haven’t you told us about this?! She knows you?” The small girl nodded embarrassed and then explained what happened on that day.

“She’s super nice and complimented my music and dancing. I didn’t think I’d ever been at such a loss for words as back then. I got so nervous because even though she’s really nice, she has such a strong presence? If you know what I mean?” Jae and Diane hum in understanding. “Just seeing her up close like that was so intimidating. Like she told me she was there to support her members so she didn’t have any makeup on, but she was still insanely beautiful.” Jae laughed at the girl’s dramatic explanation. “You sound like you have a crush on her.” AleXa stuttered for a second before replying. “I think I might!” They all laughed.

“Did you exchange phone numbers?” Diane asked and AleXa nodded excitedly. “We did! We don’t text each other often, but every once in a while she reaches out after a new podcast episode comes out to tell me about the parts she liked.” “Oh so she watches this?” Jae’s eyes widened. “Yeah.”

AleXa turned to the camera and waved. “JiHo sunbaenim, if you are watching this, thank you so much! I hope we can get closer someday.”

I don’t know AleXa that well, but I think a collab between her and JiHo would be so powerful!

Thanks for watching this video guys! And leave a comment on what kind of content you want to see next, byeeee o/

[shepgarrus]

I'm curious about ghost garrus beg and v post rocket!

v post rocket

This is basically me trying to parse out what happened in the missing scenes at the end of the first Venom movie, basically right from Eddie landing in the water. Aka: excessive analysis on tiny details in a way that I learned in the Hobbit fandom when trying to predict scenes we'd get in the BotFA EE, lmao.

Just about every fic about that timeframe goes on about them being separated and Eddie being depressed about it, or if they do keep them together it's just Venom being completely silent while Eddie's appetite goes haywire. I leave them connected, and Venom has some mass and control - he's able to get Eddie to the surface (I suspect Eddie would have experienced cold water shock and may have drowned otherwise) before relinquishing control (with some but limited talking afterwards as he recovers). Then into dealing with emergency vehicles on shore, Anne, getting the show offer he mentions to Anne at the end of the movie, the Cleteus offer, the start of the cop suspicions/FBI investigation mentioned in 2, and most importantly (and probably what spurred the idea in the first place), the contrast between what we got in the movie:

Eddie: Wanna talk about that kiss? Anne: That? That- that was- your buddy's idea. Eddie: Okay well that is good to know.

And what we saw in a behind the scenes clip of a deleted scene/take:

Eddie: Who- who was I kissing just then? Anne: Mostly me. Venom, internally: Well actually it was mostly me! Eddie: Oh god.

At present the file is just 10 actual lines of 'fic' and about 30 bullet points of notes, lmao. Don't know if I'll actually write it out properly.

ghost garrus beg

'beg' stands for 'beginning' lol. My tablet died and I'm not signed into Google on the shitty phone I'm using now as a ~replacement so I've been using Evernote more than Google Docs, but the scrolling when editing and stuff sucks so I've put the beginning and end of the first part of ghost!garrus (both of which I'm happy with and not fiddling with overmuch) separate from what I AM fiddling with to reduce scrolling.

Below the cut as a teaser :3

.

Turians were the only ones who didn't believe an individual stayed an individual after death. All the other species had some idea of the afterlife, rebirth, ancestors watching over the living, ghosts...Turians tried using those other ideas in media sometimes, but it was always seen as a grab for foreign audiences and said media rarely did well with turians-

Anyway, point was, Garrus was at least aware of what ghosts were.

Which was good, since he appeared to be one.

-x-

Nobody could see him, and nobody could hear him - both of which would have been a dream come true before, but he didn't appear to have a gun, so he didn't see what the point was.

Nobody could feel him, either - he could put his whole weight against someone, and when they moved they'd displace him like he wasn't even there.

And he wasn't, and yet he was.

-x-

He couldn't go through walls, or doors, or crates, or anything solid. Air, while technically a substance, didn't give him an issue. He thought about whether the vaccuum of space would be different again[trying to get out an airlock, see what the vaccuum did], but he had safe houses to finish checking first.

Ghosts could see other ghosts, right?

-x-

Or not, Garrus thought, until he saw her.

Her, and two others that were able to perceive her.

-x-

But no, everyone could see them, and they couldn't see him.

So what the hell was going on?

He followed. Not like he had anything better to do, with everyone-

-x-

They went into the ward under quarantine. He barely fit into the elevator with them - he wondered what would happen if one leaned against him, squishing him against the elevator wall; but it didn't happen, and then he was watching them fight, unable to do anything besides run alongside.

And watch. And listen.

-x-

She was dead. Was he watching a clone?

Maybe she had a ghost back on the Normandy.

-x-

She did not have a ghost back on the Normandy.

She did, however, have Joker, and Chakwas, and a full crew. Of Cerberus.

What the hell was going on?

-x-

He couldn't have left the ship anyway after following her onto it, but when they left Omega he couldn't help but worry that maybe he was leaving the ghosts of his squad behind, maybe they just hadn't yet made it to any of the safe houses when he'd checked them-

But there was something going on with Shepard. And even if he couldn't do anything about it, he was going to get to the bottom of it.

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression, Radio version - Ep 17, Jan 2016.

Kaoru starts by saying that the date of airing for this episode is the 23rd of Jan, but its weird for them because at the time of recording, it is still only the very start of the month.

He invites listners to contact the show, then gets on with his first topic. He refers back to the topic mentioned on a previous episode about how the sound from a real amp differs from a computerized amp simulator. This time he brought with him two sound clips which each contain the same set riff from the song Soshaku. The difference is that one is the sound produced by a simulator, and the other is a real amp. He plays the simulator produced sound clip first, and then the real amp clip. Kaoru says its partly down to preference, but even though the simulated sound seems pretty good, it gets easily lost amonst all the other parts in the song. Wheras, the sound produced by the real amp is easy to find, and gives the drum/bass/guitar combo much more power. With a real amp he is not making a sound to showcase a guitar only, but a sound that will allow the guitar to contribute to the balance of the song as a whole. It may not sound like a big difference when you hear the isolated clips, but it makes a big difference to the power of the song. Kaoru feels slightly saddened that so many young people these days are buying amp simulators, instead of the real thing. Joe asks Kaoru if Dir en grey have always used real amps, not simulators. Kaoru replies that of course they have always used real amps. He's not saying you can't make a good sound with a simulator, you probably can. But things like the atmosphere, or the sense of reverb don't shine through. He realises that such things can also be created with technology, e.g. with an ambient mode setting etc, but if Dir en grey  used such devices in their studio, anyone could go there afterwards and use the same settings on their own stuff. They then both comment on how using this kind of tech can take away the unpredictablity of being in a band. Usually, when you start making music you never know how its gonna end up after the whole band have worked together on it. But if you rely on this kind of computer technology too much, you more or less know how its gonna sound from the start, which takes away a lot of the fun. Kaoru says he uses a computer to do the very first stage of song writing, but after that its a much more exploratory process of using real, live sound to figure out the direction of the song. This does sometimes stress him out a bit, but Joe says that this is where creativity comes from. It becomes too technical otherwise. Musicians are not technicians, they are more creative. Kaoru says he talks a lot with the engineers in the studio about how to get the sound right, which is really helpful. He laments slightly that younger engineers these days are more focused on getting everything done as quickly as possible, rather than discussing ideas with the artist, but he also realises that times change, it can't be helped.

After playing the first record, Kaoru says that he's received a very strange email, reading as follows: “I want to speak through an amp simulator at Abbey Road Studios - Kami”. Kaoru says Kami had better focus on recovering from his cold first, before thinking about anything else.

Next they welcome Tasai for the Tokyo Sports corner. Tasai brings up the topic of the annual Coming of Age ceremony for twenty yr olds (a traditional day to celebrate becoming an adult in Japan, where 20yr olds dress up in kimonos etc). This event sometimes has the image of being quite wild, but Tasai specifically wants to talk about Coming of Age in the city of Kita-Kyushyu, which is even more extreme than usual. E.g, the men wear glittering, flashy hakama, which make them look like total bad guys, the women dress up like '花魁/oiran' (high-ranking court prostitutes) . The whole affair is very extravagant, and often plauged with 'incidents'. Bloodshed even occured at the last one. The police arrived and put a stop to it, but Tasai wonders what the best way to deal with this kind of trouble is. He says his Coming of Age ceremony was actually quite boring, and asks the others what they felt about their own Coming of Age ceremony. Both Joe and Kaoru say they didn't attend theirs. Joe says he didn't go to his because he thought it would be boring, and he doesn't like ceremonies in general. Kaoru says he already had long hair when he was 20, and with the style he had at the time, he didn't feel like joining that kind of event at all. Tasai thinks that one reason the event has developed a wild kind of image is because young people feel resentment at being forced to do it by their elders, so they go wild in retaliation. Joe then says there's no need to hold a Coming of Age ceremony at all. All it does is consume tax. Kaoru says he can't see any meaning to the whole thing. If the event disappeared, it would only be sad for the people who wanna party. Joe mentions that this kind of event doesn't happen in America etc. It is unique to Japan. Teenagers in the US can get a driver's license earlier than in Japan, and gain independence at a younger age. Kaoru mentions that teenagers in Japan are still seen as kids in comparison. They all argree that graduating from high school at age 18 might as well be 'coming of age', because from the year in question (2016), the Japanese voting age was due to be lowered to age 18 anyway. Joe says that at most, some people might want to meet up at age 20 with their high school friends who they hadn't seen since graduation, to which Kaoru states that he has never been invited to any school reunion events. Neither has Joe, and they both wonder why??! Tasai suggests it might be because they are both famous.

Tasai's next topic links back to the theme from last week, tv shows. The tv show in question this time is the popular variety show  "Downtown no gaki no tsukai ya arahende!". There are comedy scenes in the show of pro-wrestler Masahiro Chono slapping the shoe's host Hosei Tsukitei for laughs. The interesting thing about this is that outside of this show, Chono usually has a 'no-slapping' policy, including in the ring. This is because a slap can do a lot of damage to someone not used to it. The reason he does it with Tsukitei is because he has a deep amount of trust in him, and knows the boundries of what is too much, or too little. It shows what a professional relationship they have. Tasai then asks Kaoru about his experience of trusting someone on a professional level. Kaoru says the band's staff have been working with them for many years, and they have a relationship whereby they can speak out to each other very freely. It can often be the case that as time goes on people get complacent and get stuck in bad routines, so Dir need, and do have staff that can break such habbits when they occur, and get back on track. He thinks they have a good relationship, and considers them trusted friends. He says that even if the staff suggest absurd sounding ideas, he will at least consider them now, whereas years ago he might have complained. A good example is this very radio show. When it was first suggested to him he was unsure, but after trying it he has discovered a lot of new things about himself.

He finishes with a quick mention of his Budokan shows, and then asks Joe how long he thinks this radio show will continue for. Joe says that shows are commissioned every three months, so they will be on air till at least March. After that the show's continuation will be down to the amount of support the show receives from listeners. Kaoru says he will do his best!

Songs - Dir en grey/Soshaku, Perfect Circle/Imagine.

[tloujm]

Part XV: How About Now?

Author’s Notes: Nothing to see here but Joel slowly breaking out his dad jeans and interacting with the fic’s newest character. I hope y’all enjoy this one. It’s a little bit longer than the last two and its a build up to some major fluffy plot development.

Genre: Fluff with a couple drops of angst

Summary: Joel tries to bond with the new girl. He convinces you to go camping with him. The two of you take the relationship to the next level.

Ship: Joel x Reader

Joel’s boots crunched against the wet gravel as he found himself walking toward the daycare center. He knew that you’d be there. This week had been so busy for the two of you, that you’d barely gotten time to see each other. He acknowledged what the feeling was that pulled at his heart strings; he missed you. 

With the intention of pulling you away from your duties, if only for a moment, Joel walked inside and glanced around the play room for you. His eyes fell on something familiar, but it was not you. It was his jacket that he recognized, still wrapped around the shoulders of the new little girl who arrived in Jackson not so long ago. It was as if she had never taken it off. Joel noticed that she was sitting by herself at a table. As he walked closer, he found that she was drawing. His heavy footsteps alerted her, causing her to drop the pencil in her hand and look up at him. With a low grunt, he crouched down until he was eye level with her. 

She shrugged off the jacket and handed it to him. “No, you can keep it, kiddo. I have another.” He waved it away before she placed it on her lap like a blanket. “Let’s see what you’re drawing here. Oh, well now I believe this one is called a Velociraptor. Yep, I learned this from a little known movie that came out back in…’93 I wanna say. Some feisty creatures. They may have been small compared to the rest, but you wouldn’t wanna get on the wrong side of those fellas.” Joel said, filling up the air of the one sided conversation. “You ever seen a dinosaur in real life? S’pose you haven’t. That’s wayyyy before your time.” He attempted to make her laugh. “Technically, I’ve seen them, their bones at least. I used to go to science museums all the time before the outbreak. You’ve probably never been to one, have you?” He genuinely waited for an answer, to which she barely shook her head. “I know of one not too far from here. Maybe me and (Y/N) will take you one day if you’re up to it.” Joel got back up slowly and stretched his legs until his knees popped. He tipped his imaginary cowboy hat as a farewell and continued his search for you. 

Joel eventually found you in the backyard taking down laundry from the line. “Hi, darlin’.”

You put the clip back on the line and threw yourself into his arms. “Hey! I missed you.” Hearing you say that melted his heart.

“Missed you too. You know, I was thinking we should go campin’.”

“That’s random.” You laughed off his suggestion.

“Why? I reckon we can go hiking, fish, cozy up next to a fire, lay under the stars.”

“I don’t even know how to fish.”

“I’ll teach you.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I might be a bit rusty. I mean I haven’t gone fishing since I was a kid, but I’ll get back into the swing of things. But those other things, I know you like.”

“I mean I do, but we can do that here in Jackson.” You countered.

“Yeah, but it’ll be something different.”

“I don’t know, Joel. Ever since we settled here, we haven’t gone beyond the gates unless we had to.”

“C’mon now, don’t tell me you forgot about your birthday. The aquarium, remember?”

You glare at him knowingly. “How can I ever forget. But in my defense, I didn’t know we were going to leave the walls of Jackson. All you said was that it was a surprise and that was it. I just don’t want to run into any hunters or people from a hostile settlement.”

“I thought I was the worrisome one in this relationship.” Joel joked. “Listen, this ain’t our first rodeo. We’ve survived a lot out there and not for nothin’. People or clickers, we’re good at staying alive and even better at it when we’re together.” He placed his hands on your shoulders and rubbed them up and down your arms. “I promise we won’t go far. We’ll pick a patch of land along a recently cleared route. I trust you. You trust me?” You nodded. “Good! We’ll have fun! This is excitin’.”

“You know, I’ve never gone camping before.” You spoke up.

“Really? Not even an RV or cabin?”

You shook your head. “You know I love nature just as much as you, but I’m really just a city girl. I was used to seeing animals on tv or behind a barrier at the zoo. The wildest animal I’d ever seen before the outbreak was a raccoon. Maybe the occasional deer. The closest to hiking I ever did before was at a nature preserve park. It may all be outside, but damn, the actual woods are a whole other story.” He let out a light laugh. “Before the outbreak, I bought all my meat from the store and had a tendency to kill every plant I owned.”

“Well now look at ya, a natural country girl.”

You laughed. “I never chose this life. This life chose me.”

“It chose a lot of folks, but it suits you.”

“You don’t gotta butter me up anymore, I already agreed to go camping with you.” You said while giving him a sly smile.

“I mean it, it does.”

“Why do you wanna go camping anyway? I can see a hike for the afternoon, but everyday out there since the outbreak has felt like one big camping trip.”

“That wasn’t campin’. The difference is that campin’ is fun, you’ll see.” He tried to convince you.

“You still haven’t answered my question.” You said. He looked at you blankly. “Why though! We’ve been in Jackson for years now and you’ve never suggested it before.”

He shrugged. “Now just seems like a good time. Jackson’s in a good place. They won’t miss us for a day or two. Besides, we have some downtime coming up and I feel like I haven’t really gotten to spend time with you in awhile. I just want it to be you and me again for a minute.” He blushed at the last part.

You smiled at his defensive romantic side. “Kind of like a romantic weekend getaway?” You playfully wiggled your eyebrows.

He deepened the tone of his voice. “That’s exactly what it’s gonna be.”

“When should we go?”

“How’s the day after tomorrow sound?” He suggested.

“Sounds perfect.” You replied. The idea of camping was growing on you. The clothes line was now empty and the basket was full of folded linen. Joel followed you as you walked back inside to put them up. 

“Now, onto other business.” He began.

You looked back in confusion. “What else is there?”

“I don’t know if you recall, but I remember a certain someone promising another certain someone that she’d move in with that…certain some...the original someone…wait um...” Joel began stammering over his thoughts. “It’s you. That certain someone was you who promised that if I made you breakfast in bed, you’d live with me again; no more of this back and forth. And if you recall again, I did in fact make you that breakfast.”

“Pancakes and freshly squeezed orange juice? How could a girl forget? They were delicious by the way.”

“For bonus points, I do remember being right as well when I said there wasn’t gonna be any bloaters in that manor.” Joel added on. “So what do you say?” He asked, trying to hide his eagerness.

“Suppose you were right about that, so yeah sure.” You said.

He looked at you for a moment before looking down at his feet. “Don’t make it sound like you’re doing it because you lost a bet or somethin’. If you’re not ready, I have no intention of forcing you, but,” He lets out a sigh. “I guess I don’t understand why you wouldn't want to.”

“Joel, I didn’t mean to say it like that. I love you, you know that.”

“Sounds like a ‘but’ is coming on.”

“It’s just new to me is all. I know we’ve lived together once, but I’ve never had a serious relationship with anyone before you and I sure as hell never lived with a romantic partner before you. The outbreak happened right after I graduated college. I only ever lived with my parents and a couple of roommates. I know it sounds stupid, but I’ve never had my own place before where it was just me doing whatever I wanted, however I wanted, wherever I wanted. I love spending time with you, believe me I do, but there’s something about having your own space, you know. I hate the way in which I got here, me having my own place, but I’ve grown to like it. Does that make me selfish?” You genuinely asked.

He let out a deep sigh. “No, it doesn’t. But, you know It’d be your house too. It won’t be you moving into my house; it’d be you coming back to our house. If you’re comfortable here, I can move in with you or we can find a whole new house altogether.”

“I don’t know, Joel.” You replied.

“Just think about it alright, darlin?” He requested. He stuck his hands in his back pockets and paced the floor around the linen closet. The air fell silent, but he wasn’t done pleading his case. He just had to find the words. “You may account your life experiences, or lack thereof, to being young, but you probably never thought about the fact that I’ve never lived by myself before the outbreak either. I was a teen dad. I went from living with my dad and brother to living with my daughter and her mother. After she left us, it was just me and Sarah all the way up until that day. After me and Tommy fell out, I was on my own for the first time. I...uh...It wasn’t easy; none of it.” He shook his head before looking at you with tired, pleading eyes. “I’m tired of being alone, (Y/N).” He sniffled and then you saw the corner of his mouth twitch up. “I know I’m not much to look at in the morning, but I want nothing more than to wake up next to you everyday. That’s where I stand, (Y/N), but if that’s not where you are, that’s ok ‘cause you’re the only one I’d wait for. I just want you to want this too.”

“Joel, I never...I” You tried to begin. He was right, you never thought about the fact that he always had someone. When you first met him, you grew to know him as a withdrawn, independent man. “I want to wake up next to you too, but not just that. I want to spend the middle of my day and end of my day with you too in our house.” You stood on your tiptoes and rubbed the pad of your thumb against his wrinkles. 

He closed his eyes at your touch. “I need you to mean that.”

“I do.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too!” You smiled up at him.

“How much longer do you have here?” Joel inquired.

“I just have to finish folding the laundry.”

“Meet me at your place when you’re done. I’ll go and find some boxes.”

“Wait, what?”

“What better time than now? The rest of my day is clear and we still have a few more hours of daylight. What do you think, darlin’?” You playfully rolled your eyes at his eagerness, but seriously couldn’t think of a reason not to start today. 

[masterofmaagnetism]

"You couldn't handle me even if i came with instructions" for that rockstar robot crocodile you like!

[ Monty!!! he's not a crocodile though he's a alligator wjehfwbwehj ]

[ See above ]

[ Characters: Montgomery Gator, me <3 i'm gonna use Hugo for this one ]

[ Warnings: just Monty being a lil arrogant kjfnwfewbjh. also it got away from me and ended up longer than intended lmao ]

Taking the nightguard position really wasn't Hugo's best idea.

It had seemed good when he'd seen the original job posting, because he loved animatronics and he was a definite nightowl, but he didn't realize how alone he'd be in the giant pizzaplex.

The building looked so much smaller on the outside, but seemed enormous one he was inside. There was no other human being, and all he had was his flashlight and phone. If someone broke in, he really had no way of checking outside of walking, or running, over to the area.

Which was fucking horrifying, by the way. This was probably karma for being a horror fan.

He did, however, feel a little better when he made his way through the hallway that housed all the animatronics' rooms. He peeked into Roxanne's room, surprised when the wolf waved at him. After a small pause, he smiled and waved back.

"I didn't know they were on at night," he muttered to himself as he checked Chica's room next. The chicken was sitting on her couch and tuning her guitar. She looked up at Hugo when he paused in the doorway, giving him a short wave. He waved back again, and moved on to Freddy's room.

At first he thought Freddy was missing when his room was empty, beginning to panic, and even letting out a short shriek when the bear's paw(?) landed on his shoulder.

"Oh, sorry," Freddy apologized quickly, "I didn't mean to spook you. You're the new nightguard, right?" he asked, and Hugo could only nod yes. "It's good to meet you!"

"You too.." Hugo finally replied, clearing his throat quickly. "Why were you out of your room? I didn't think you could do that after hours..?"

"I was just taking a walk," Freddy answered, moving past Hugo and into the room that he had left vacant. "Need to keep these joints moving so they don't lock up."

Well, that was an easy explanation. "Well- uh- sounds good, I guess," Hugo accepted the answer without question because he really didn't want to be questioning the bear animatronic with literal fangs. "Please just try to stay in this area, so I know where you are. It's a big place, easy to lose you in."

"Of course," Freddy agreed, and while Hugo was almost positive that he absolutely would not listen to that, but he wanted to keep moving so he just accepted that too.

Moving on, Hugo now stood in front of the green room that belonged to Montgomery Gator, his personal favourite of the Glamrock animatronics. Partially because southerner representation, but mostly because he was hot. For an animatronic.

He wasn't surprised to find Monty also tuning his own guitar, since they'd had several shows during the day and Hugo knew damn well how often strings instruments needed to be tuned (orchestra life is a constant hell).

Without thinking, he lightly knocked on the doorframe (since there were no doors, just open walls) to announce his presence. He almost froze when Monty looked up at him.

See, Hugo had seen animatronics close up, and he had no problem with it. He'd just never seen the Glamrocks close up, and he really didn't expect Monty to have that many teeth.

"Just checking in," Hugo said when he had the animatronic's attention, suddenly feeling like he was in a spotlight. "Part of the job and all."

Monty stared for a second longer, before scoffing and looking back at his guitar. "New guy, huh? Ya just gonna stand there? Come on in."

Ah. He wasn't expecting to be invited in. He stood there for a couple more seconds, before carefully making his way into the room. "Uh, yeah, this is my first night. Though I've been here plenty of other times in the day."

"So that's why you look familiar!" Monty replied with a sharp laugh, grabbing Hugo once he was close enough and pulling him down next to him on the couch. Which really just resulted in Hugo just... awkwardly sitting there. At least Monty was warm- he could feel the heat practically radiating off of the animatronic gator.

"I have to ask how you recognize me." Hugo didn't really show up enough to be recognized by the animatronics, and the other three had seemed surprised that he was there, or at least didn't see him as familiar.

Monty paused after that, before letting out another laugh. "Well, ya know, I got a better memory than the others, I can remember someone better than them."

...

That was a terrible excuse. Hugo accepted it anyway.

".... Right," Hugo replied, clipping his flashlight onto his belt when he realized that he wouldn't be going anywhere any time soon. "I'm Hugo," he said after a moment, upon realizing none of them knew his name.

Monty just tapped the badge on his chest. "I'm not illiterate, ya know. We learn our music, it's not programmed."

Hugo felt his face heat up briefly, and he quickly looked away to avoid the teasing he felt would be inevitable. "I forgot about the badge," he admitted in a mutter, letting out a soft huff.

"Aww, don't tell me I'm pushin' buttons already," Monty jokingly whined, lightly jabbing Hugo in the side, which made him yelp. "You shouldn't be so easy to mess with if you don't wanna be, ya know, messed with."

Alright, Hugo could take teasing, but it was different when it was an animatronic, so he tried to shove the arm away, only to fail because he was human and Monty very much wasn't.

"Hah, nice try tiny," Monty teased, jabbing him one last time before letting up. "You couldn't handle me even if I came with instructions." That made Hugo glare at the gator, quickly standing up as if he was going to leave.

Only to not make it two steps away from the couch before metal arms were wrapped around his torso and pulling him back down onto the couch.

Well, technically his lap.

"Don't leave," Monty told him, resting his (admittedly bigger than Hugo thought) head on the human's shoulder. "I can be nicer. Swear it."

"I doubt that," Hugo grumbled, despite immediately relaxing in the gator's grasp to avoid getting hurt. He had to admit though, the warmth was nice.

Monty muttered something unintelligible, nuzzling Hugo gently. "I promise. I don't want'cha runnin' away from me. I've been wantin' to meet you up close too long for that."

So that's why he recognized him. Seemed like Hugo was his favourite animatronic's favourite human.

... He could live with that.

"Fine," Hugo accepted his new fate, resigning himself to hanging out with Monty for the rest of his shift. Not that he minded- not at all.

It did, however, become routine, which means Hugo didn't get a whole lot of work done.

[loseyoutoloveme]

will you do a song by song review for life support? i really liked the ones for sweetener and thank you next!

oh absolutely, i’d love to! thank you for asking and being interested 🖤 all thoughts below.

the beginning:

this was such a great way to open this album, it’s so cinematic and really sets the mood so perfectly. one of my fav instrumental intros i’ve ever heard.

9/10

good in goodbye: “you put the over in lover, put the ex in next.”

the lyrics are so wonderfully corny and i’ll love this song forever, like the chorus is literally just so fun to sing along to.

i do think it feels a little... shallow compared to the rest of the album, and the album being released so long after this song came out makes it feel disconnected from the rest. but i love it so i don’t care.

7.5/10 

default: “i know, i know this must be coming for me, i swear, i swear i will be the end of me, the end of me.”

this song is just sooo...... OUCH!

i’m obsessed with the way the chorus just SOUNDS like an emotional spiral, like her life falling apart, like falling into a deep depression, and then the outro builds like destructive racing thoughts.

also i never noticed the wave crashing and the bubbles at the very beginning until really recently, and i love that little touch. the whole song feels so underwater. cloudy and fuzzy. it does a good job of depicting certain symptoms of various mental illnesses.

8.5/10

follow the white rabbit: “is it haunting, baby, that i’m wanting, baby, that i’m wanting, wanting you?”

i actually was fully not expecting to like this that much based off the snippets she’d shared, but omg this left me WEAAAAK on first listen, which was the best surprise

there are definitely so many layers to these lyrics too, despite it being just a bombastic sexy toxic love song on its surface, particularly when thinking about the album as a commentary on mental illness, and some of the breakup/love songs as metaphors rather than straightforward love songs. definitely about infatuation and toxicity and perhaps knowingly entering a bad relationship as a bad coping mechanism, a way to avoid dealing with your pain or (as we see in effortlessly) a way to just feel anything at all.

9/10

effortlessly: “i hold my breath to breathe, hurt me so i feel, used to do these things so effortlessly somehow.”

oh god this song is just a punch in the stomach

i ALSO didn’t really expect to love this one based on snippets but the lyrics are just devastating and perfect and i hope speak to anybody who has struggled with self-harm and medication.

i don’t even have thoughts on this song, it just makes me go jsn*@(#nkdasdnkasd7*@U#j2k3n

love that this is such a fan favourite. it deserves!

10/10

stay numb and carry on: “truth is it was never love, your fault if you thought it was.”

the reverse “i’ve become emotionless” at the beginning >>>

also love the “i was gin and you were toxic . . . wish we’d just stayed plaTONIC” like a platonic relationship would be the opposite of toxic. it’s such fun wordplay.

also “i don’t feel like anyone” makes me emo, she really just slid the most simple but heartbreaking lines in everywhere and you don’t notice them until they hit you out of nowhere one day and you’re like ...OH

AND THE WAY HER VOICE STARTS TO GO MONOTONE AT “i’ve become emotionless” 

in conclusion, madison beer is a vessel for god

10/10

blue: “you could be as sweet as honey but i knew the darkness in your mind.”

this is my least favourite on the album but it’s still fantastic

the lana influence is clear without being too copycat, like it’s still SO madison. sorta like lana’s video games modernized and adapted into something truer to madison’s vibe.

love love love the whole outro

glad that this wasn’t a single like it was planned to be

7/10

interlude: “would you do that shit for me too?”

VOCODER RIGHTS

this album in general is just not really for people who don’t like vocoders and lots of technical effects. i looove that she leaned into it so hard bc it’s so HER.

this song also has so much depth for an interlude, relaying the experience of feeling SO hard about people, and realizing like you’re putting in way more than you’re getting back.

the post-chorus is like... 🤩🌌💫☄️🌠

7.5/10

homesick: “these humans speak my language, still don’t understand it.”

THIS SONG...... IS MY BABY......

oh god it just breaks my heart on every listen. the image in my head is of a little girl talking to the stars.

and why does the line about her mom and dad make me wanna cry every time? i have no idea.

I BELONG IN SPACE...... FLOATING WITH DEBRIS.......

i’m sure she’s not the first person to ever use this metaphor for mental illness, expressing the alienation of mental illness (especially one as stigmatized and misunderstood as bpd) by talking about LITERAL aliens sdkjfsdfksd, but she does it SOOOOO well and sincerely that it feels like it’s uniquely hers.

the rick & morty sample is so funny and so weird and so madison. i will probably never watch an episode of that show in my life.

10000000000/10 this song is the loml

selfish: “shouldn’t love you but i couldn’t help it, had a feeling that you never felt it.”

my absolute favourite of all of the singles, noooo question about it. it’s a perfect, perfect, perfect song.

two years, alone on new years’, nightclubs, gemini... women writing lyrics with very specific details about the shitty men that the song is about... it’s everything to me.

this song will just NEVER age. every time i listen to it, it’s like the first time all over again.

10/10

sour times: “don’t know what song of mine you heard that made you think i’d want to spend the night with you.”

home with you’s big sister<3 

not the strongest lyrics, but the concept and production are more than strong enough to carry the song.

she came on this bitch mad as hell

also love that this have been another fan favourite, seemingly??

men gross

9/10

boyshit: “don’t know how to talk or communicate, we’re so on and off, to you it’s a game.”

it took me awhile to get into this when it was a single ngl, probably because it came out the same night as evermore sjdknfsfnkjsd, but once i got into it, it became the best song ever

she’s soooo reliable with her “men ain’t shit” songs ugh

8.5/10

baby: “i’m a handful but that’s what hands are for.”

when this came out as a single it was the only thing i listened to for a solid week and a half. just an excellent song. the chorus is evvverrryttthhhiiinnnnggg.

WHAT IS IT SO CATCHY FOR?

9.5/10

stained glass: “my life’s a still fading memory of what i can’t have, and everything ’round me is starting to fade into black, but black and white is so much better, i’m learning how to hide my colours.”

i’m so surprised by how much non-stans seem to love this omg, it’s never been a fav of mine, as much as i still love it

but i’m obsessed with how different and distinctly madison it is

also this is a much more genuine take on the “pls stop being mean to me just bc i’m famous / you don’t know what people are going through” type of song than most of the others i’ve ever heard. her pain is evident, and the soft “i just might break” is just..... </3

the glass breaking and little scream are so good

she loves a good metaphor and so do i!

7.5/10 

emotional bruises: “how do i word this? was about to write you this letter, but it was just curses in cursive, you probably deserve it.”

this was definitely my most anticipated song along with everything happens for a reason, like i listened to the snippet on repeat CONSTANTLY lmao. and the full song definitely lived up.

the scribbling sound is so fun, i love her obsession with little real-life sound effects

10/10

everything happens for a reason: “i still can’t find a reason you’d wanna hurt me so bad.”

THIS SONG IS VERY MUCH EVERYTHING

again, this was for sure one of my most anticipated songs and just kjsadsdkajsm god i love love love it

i think she posted a video one time of the song over a clip of the mermaids from peter pan and it was so pretty and i still picture that video when i hear this song. it’s just soooooo hazy and dreamy and retro and perfect.

also the song on the album where she got to show off her vocals the most. she found her niche with this song, truly.

100/10

channel surfing/the end: “YOU’REBADFORMYHEALTHISHOULDPROLLYKEPTSOMEHELPICANTCONTROLMYSELFIMADDICTEDOTHEHELL”

oh my god i was FLOOOOOORED at the dear society clip. dear society was and is one of my FAVOURITE songs, and i appreciate her reasoning for not including it on the album (just wanting some space for a new song instead of one we’d already had for so long), but it did hurt a lil. i was so happy she found a little way to include it :’) rip to hurts like hell tho since she didn’t get the same treatment sjdnksd.

the channel surfing is also just such a fun concept for an outro.

and her laughing with her producers at the end followed by such a sweet calming tropical instrumental...... oooo it’s so nice, it feels like the calm after the storm.

10/10

overall, this album was just SO worth the wait, it’s so fantastic, it’s the loml, one of my favourite albums ever. i LOVE that it’s helped anyone with BPD feel seen and understood, and as someone who doesn’t have bpd but has a couple of loved ones who do, the emotions she expressed in these lyrics have helped me to understand this disorder more too. just such a special album.

most of the criticism i’ve seen of the album has been that it’s overproduced, and that’s definitely criticism that i understand, bc it IS heavy on the technical side and some people just don’t like very heavy production, buuuut... some people do! i do! madison does! and heavy production does not automatically make an album bad. this type of production isn’t something that i expect her to move away from, because it’s clearly her thing, and maybe that just means her place in the industry will be more with the heavy heavy pop fans and maybe even in more hyperpop circles. i also think it’s SUPPOSED to be overproduced; it’s supposed to be a mess of emotions and sometimes a little chaotic. she executed it very well.

i hope by the time her next album is out, people will stop comparing her to like every single artist out there. some reviewers seem determined to pigeonhole her and compare her to every female artist under the sun, which feels like an absolute disservice to me. she is influenced by many different people and they comes out in her music, as it does any artist’s because everybody has their inspirations, but her sound is VERY much her own. as someone who has liked her for years, i can absolutely feel her essence in each song and nobody else’s.

a 10/10 album and such an amazing, promising debut<3  

[eryiss]

Chapter Four - The Voicemail

Summary: Freed and Laxus live incredibly different lives. Freed is a corporate lawyer in the capital city, and Laxus works as a handyman in a countryside hotel. Despite their differences, their lives collide when Freed inherits a house in Laxus’ village, and hires him to make the derelict building liveable. But the closer they get, the more they seem to offer each other. [Fraxus Multi-Chapter]

This was written as my admission for Fraxus Day 2020, hosted by @fuckyeahfraxus​. Hope you enjoy it.

You can read this under the cut, on Fanfiction, or on Archive of Our Own. You can find the chapter masterpost here.

Chapter Four – The Voicemail

It hadn't occurred to Laxus how much he liked having a daily routine until he got one again. The last time he had every day of the week planned out was when he was in high school, as his university schedule was fluid to say the least. The lack of a routine had been a gradual thing, slowly allowing his days merge into a mess of passing the time and occasionally working on things around the hotel. He had been bored for a while now, but hadn't allowed himself to admit it.

Though now, with a day of work always available, Laxus didn't know how he had managed to pass so much time. Although Freed hadn't given him a strict schedule of when he should be working on the house and when he shouldn't – he claimed he knew a man like Laxus wouldn't waste his time, and Laxus was glad of the observation – Laxus had decided on dedicated work hours, planning out his whole day.

At seven, he woke up. At seven thirty, he'd do his daily workout at the gym. At nine, he'd make his rounds around the hotel to see if anything needed fixing or work. At ten, he'd go to the house and do whatever he had planned for the day.

He felt like an adult. It was a good feeling.

Climbing off the leg press and reaching for his towel, Laxus let out a satisfied groan. Morning workouts were new to him, having previously entered the gym in the afternoon for something, anything, to fill the time. He liked it, it was a good start to the day, got his blood pumping, and the cool morning air was refreshing on his still sweating skin on the walk back home.

He patted down the sweat from his face and stood up, walking to a matted area to do his warm-down stretches. He grinned a little at the feeling of burning on his legs, having upped the weights recently. As he walked, he pulled out his phone and flicked it on to see the time. He frowned at his lock screen.

One Missed Call – Freed Justine.

One Voicemail – Freed Justine.

Freed was back in Era now, as they had planned. He would spend the weekdays in the city, working in his office and meeting with his friends, while he would return for the weekend to oversee Laxus' work, offer his suggestions on what he was doing, and help out whenever he could; something that was happening more often now that Laxus had taught him a skill or two. This had been working for a few weeks, and they'd gotten it down to a fine art.

Laxus could understand what Freed wanted without much difficulty. Sometimes there was a few issues – where Freed might not know the technical terminology for something and couldn't articulate his wants immediately – but they always quickly got over them. They were a good team, and work on the house was happening fast.

Though, Laxus did miss Freed sometimes. Plumbing was better with company.

Freed was good company.

They had fun.

At least Laxus did, anyway. Freed was somewhat enigmatic at times, but seemed to be enjoying himself. He was private with his emotions, and only smiled – really smiled – when he thought Laxus wasn't looking. Laxus had caught it a few times, and seeing the uncynical expression on the mans usually slightly stifled face was something Laxus was quickly coming to desire more often. He looked good like that.

As he said, they had fun…

Throughout their time working together only on the weekends, Freed had rarely called him. It had only been for specific things, like when a member of the preservation society visited to see their work wasn't destructive. So to see not only a missed call, but a voicemail, was unusual. Freed was a texter more than a caller, in Laxus' admittedly limited experience.

Laxus slightly rushed through his stretches, and once he was done, he walked towards the changing room and lifted his phone to his ear.

"Sorry if I've woken you," Freed began. "But could you perhaps see if I've left something in my room from Sunday."

As he listened and walked towards his locker, Laxus frowned. There was a sort of clipped attitude to Freed's words, and it confused Laxus. He'd always seen Freed as a relaxed man, even though it wasn't obvious. Freed was clearly smart, Laxus wouldn't be shocked if he was a literal genius, and with that there was a level of comfort in his skin. He never second guessed himself because he always thought he was right.

Maybe that was Laxus overthinking things, but that was what he'd concluded. But in his words, Laxus had heard just a hint of panic. It was unlike the man he had known while giving swift demands about what was to happen with his house.

"I brought some of my work over the weekend, you see," Freed continued. "And part of that was a contract that I've been working on. I seem to have left it in my hotel room, and I need to be sure that it's safe. It's confidential, as you can imagine, and I've made a rather large amounts of notes. So if you could call me back, please do."

Laxus ran his towel over his body, blasted himself with a thick layer of deodorant, and picked up his bag. Normally he'd shower and change into something other than his exercise clothes, but the fact that Freed had left a voicemail rather than just requesting a return call via a text meant this was something urgent. Laxus didn't know anything about the law – well, no more than anyone else – but leaving a confidential contract wasn't good. He trusted the people in Fairy Tail not to look at things that weren't for them, but Freed didn't.

As he rushed out of the gym, bag slung over his shoulder, he dialled Freed's number and listened to it ring. After a few moments, Freed answered.

"Laxus," He said in greeting.

"Hey," Laxus replied. "Sorry I missed your call, was at the gym and wasn't paying attention to my phone."

"Oh, that's a coincidence," Freed said with a small, forced laugh. "I just finished my PT session today."

Laxus didn't know Freed went to a personal trainer.

It made sense, he supposed. He was clearly fit, if the contract in width between his shoulders and his waist was telling. And when, two weeks ago, he rolled up his sleeves and showed off his veiny, strong forearms, Laxus might have been distracted to the point of nearly dropping a plank of wood onto his toes. He'd also gotten a glimpse of his biceps, and the plank had nearly splintered in Laxus' grasp.

Well, that was an exaggeration, but it was certainly a distraction.

"Small world," Laxus shrugged, then spoke again in a light, joking tone. Hopefully, he could lighten Freed's mood. "But you know they're a scam right, personal trainers. If you're trying to change your body type they're fine, but if you wanna keep yourself as you are then you don't need one."

"I suppose not," Freed mused, and Laxus grinned a little. When stressed, Freed could be distracted easily, apparently. "I work with him for status, honestly. He's the trainer for the elite, I like that."

"Makes sense, rich boy," Laxus teased with a grin. "I can write you up an exercise list if you want, it'll save you a couple grand."

"That'd be good, thank you," Freed agreed. "Wait, no. Stop distracting me. Have you found it?"

"Saw through that, huh?" Laxus grinned, but continued. "I'm a minute away from the hotel. But, if you did leave it here, the staff ain't gonna do anything with it. They would've handed it in to gramps," Freed made a placating noise. He didn't believe Laxus, clearly. "They're not gonna risk pissing you off Freed, you're basically keeping the place open being here every weekend. We lose you; they lose their jobs."

Freed did let out a laugh, and Laxus grinned at that. "You shouldn't give me that much power, Laxus. I'll misuse it."

"Don't doubt it," Laxus smirked, entering the warmth of Fairy Tail's lobby. He ignored the slight stiffness in Freed's joke, wondering if he had done it just for Laxus' sake. He nodded to Mirajane, who was at the front desk, still speaking into the phone. "Give me a second."

"Of course."

Lowering his phone slightly, Laxus walked to the front desk and leant on it. Mirajane looked the dishevelled man up and down, and her nose twitched at the smell of sweat and deodorant that hit her. She opened her mouth to speak, but Laxus put a hand up to interrupt her. Hopefully, she's understood by the state he was in that he was in a rush.

"You know if Freed left anything in his room? Some paperwork or something?" He asked. "Lisanna cleaned it, right?"

"She mentioned something being left, I think," Mirajane said after a moment thought. "Brown folder, she handed it to Makarov for safety. I think he wanted to let Freed know, but didn't know his number so was waiting for you to come in."

"It'll be in his office, right?" He asked, pushing himself from the desk.

"Yeah, but it's locked. He'll be here in an hour I think."

"Don't worry, I cut a key when I was sixteen," Laxus shrugged, grinning at Mirajane as he walked away, ignoring her when she said that he definitely shouldn't have a key. He brought his phone to his ear as he walked towards his grandfather's office. "They found it. It's locked in Gramp's office. I can look after it if you'd like."

"Well, I suppose I should have mentioned, that I need a copy of it here. Ideally with the notes I've made," Freed explained with a resigned sigh. Laxus bit his lip absently as he rummaged through his grandfather's desk draw, finding a brown folder.

"I could take a picture of each page, if you want," Laxus suggested, flicking open the folder. "'The Merging of Lamia Scale Designs and Mermaid Heel.' That the right contract?"

"That's it, thank you," Freed agreed, still sounding worried. "And you won't be able to send pictures, it's under data protection. If I get found out I'll be taken off the case at least, perhaps demoted for it. And our side will be immediately lose the case because of it."

"Best to avoid that then," Laxus nodded to himself. "I could scan it and email it to you, or is that the same issue? Or I could send it through the post if you can wait that long."

"I need it today," Freed sighed. "And yes, the email is the same issue."

Laxus sighed, running a hand through his hair. He knew that it wasn't really his place to be worried about the situation, but the fact that Freed wasn't as composed as he normally was had a disconcerting effect on Laxus. And, the two men were friends, and nobody would want their friend to feel stressed about potentially losing their job. Especially for something anybody could do; forgetting something at a hotel room was something most people did at some point. Any good friend would try to help.

"Well," Laxus said, clicking his tongue. "What time d'you need it? I can get the train and go to your office. If you don't mind me taking the day off from the house."

Maybe most friends wouldn't go that far. Maybe they would.

"Don't be absurd," Freed almost definitely shook his head as he spoke. "It's a long journey, it would be evening by the time you got home. I couldn't ask you to do that."

"If you need it, then you need it. And I ain't been to Era, so it'll give me an excuse…" Laxus' words trailed off. "What about fax? My grandad is one of like five people to actually have a fax machine for some reason."

"That actually might work," Freed said hesitantly. "The law states we can't replicate documents in a digital format, technically we wouldn't be doing that. So it should be fine."

"Great," Laxus grinned. "You have any idea on how to use the thing, 'cause I don't."

"They're quite simple, really," Freed said, a genuine chuckle entering his voice. Laxus grinned at it. "A child could use it without much explanation."

"You can drop that patronising tone, asshole," Laxus smirked as he spoke, switching on the machine. "And the only kind of child that'd know how to use this piece of shit is a kid from the Victorian years or some crap."

"Implying I'm from the Victorian era?" Freed questioned.

"You'd fit in there, I can imagine you with a stupid top hat and one of those big coats, walking with a cane," Laxus shrugged, squinting at the instructions on the machine's faded screen, absently thinking about just how good Freed would look in period specific clothing. "Think it might suit ya, actually. You'd look pretty s-swish."

Laxus paused. Swish. Swish!

Admittedly there wasn't many words to describe someone appearance that began with the letter 'S', but where the hell had 'swish' come from. Laxus had never said swish in his life, nobody this side of the damn millennium had said the word swish. Sure, he'd gotten away from his immediate reaction to thinking about his boss in old fashioned clothing, but why the hell had he covered it with the word swish. Swish!

At least he was distracted from the fact he almost readily admitted he thought Freed was sexy.

It was both a good and a bad thing, really. It was good, because the fact that Laxus wasn't worried about finding men attractive meant his time in therapy years prior was still hadn't left him, and he hadn't been kidding himself about the comfort he felt for his own sexuality. However, the fact he so nearly blurted out his attraction for Freed – his boss – was something he would have to be careful about.

"Of course I would," Freed said after a moment, voice a little distracted now. He didn't know what Laxus had meant to say, did he? He couldn't. "How are you doing with the fax machine."

"Yeah, you're gonna need to patronise me again, because this fucker ain't easy."

So, with a minimal amount of patronising, Freed walked Laxus through what he needed to do with the machine. It was a relatively easy process, made harder by the fact the screen showing the different options was almost impossible to see. But they'd made it through, and Freed had managed to get a copy of the contract into his office's fax machine without much trouble.

Laxus turned from the machine, only to see his grandfather looking at him, leaning on the doorframe. He hadn't heard the other man, too busy having been focused on the machine and Freed's instructions. How long his grandfather had been there, Laxus didn't know. Nor did he know exactly why the old man was looking at him with a raised eyebrow and an expression that was almost smug. Just as Laxus was about to make a motion to voice his confusion, Freed spoke though his speakers again.

"Thank you for this, Laxus," The mans voice echoed through the room, as Laxus had put him on speaker. It took Laxus a second to realise he had to reply.

"Ain't a problem," Laxus responded, a little self-conscious now. Makarov didn't change his expression. "So, you're fine now, right?"

"For today anyway," Freed sounded tired as he spoke, and the slight shuffling might have been Freed rubbing his eye with the palm of his hand; he'd done that a few times since they'd met. "I'm sure tomorrow will bring a further onslaught of problems."

"Guess that's what it's like being a lawyer," Laxus said with a forced chuckle, glaring at his unmoving grandfather to tell him to leave.

"I suppose so. I'm looking forward to seeing you when I get back at the weekend," Freed sighed tiredly again, and Laxus' gaze flickered over to his phone. "I should go, I have a meeting in fifteen minutes, and I should do at least some preparation for it. I'll talk to you later, I'm sure."

"Yeah, talk later," Laxus parroted, and the line went dead.

For a moment, Laxus and Makarov looked at one another. Laxus still couldn't identify exactly what the expression on his grandfather's face was, and he also couldn't help but feel angry that the older man hadn't left when he saw that Laxus was on a call that was private. But he knew that if he voiced this anger, his grandfather would annoyingly explain that Laxus was in his office, and that he had more a right to be there than Laxus did.

"So," Makarov eventually spoke. "Mirajane said that you came in early."

"You shouldn't have listened into my conversation," Laxus spoke in an annoyingly petulant tone.

"You shouldn't be in my office without my permission," Makarov retorted predicably, and Laxus rolled his eyes. "But I'll forgive you since you clearly needed to use my fax machine for your little phone date."

Laxus stood up – he needed to sit because the machine was tucked under Makarov's desk – and started to walk out of the office. The two of them had a good grandfather and grandson relationship, but Laxus often found the older man to be obnoxious. He made jokes about things that Laxus didn't find funny, with the intent of getting a rise out of Laxus, and the blonde knew that it was best not to give into it. Fucker.

He went to walk past the old man, but Makarov grabbed hold of Laxus' clothing and stopped him from leaving. He stopped, even though he could easily overpower Makarov, and looked down at his grandfather with an expression that clearly stated he didn't want to joke about his relationship with Freed.

"Don't get huffy," Makarov said, no longer teasing. "It just sounded like you were getting on. It was nice to hear you laughing."

"Great," Laxus said, again in a slightly petulant tone.

"You don't need to get defensive," Makarov said, walking into his office. "I was just happy. Most of the people you know live here and have lived here all their lives. And most of your friends are women. It's just nice to see you talking with another man and having fun with him."

"I can know a guy and not want to fuck him," Laxus grunted.

"You can. I was just a little shocked to see you like that. Laughing and joking with him. Especially since he was telling you what to do, you'd get pissy if it were me," Makarov grinned. "But if you say it's platonic, I believe you. I just enjoyed seeing you like that. Give an old man his fancies."

"Can I go?" Laxus muttered.

"If you want," Makarov smiled. "I like him though."

Laxus let out a small huff as Makarov removed his clutch on his clothing. The blonde found himself riled by Makarov's words. Not only had he intentionally tried to make Laxus feel self-conscious about his call with Freed, but he had also given some weird kind of blessing for a relationship between him and Freed. A blessing that Laxus neither wanted, nor needed. Laxus was an adult, not a kid who needed to be told what to do.

And Makarov didn't even know Freed! He was more complex than a call dammit.

But, as he walked away, his mind wondered to the end of his conversation with Freed. He hadn't fully registered it when Freed had said it, but now he thought back Freed's parting words were… interesting.

'I'm looking forward to seeing you.'

Not 'I'm looking forward to getting back to Magnolia.' Not 'I'm looking forward to getting to the weekend, so I don't have to worry about work.' Not even 'I'm looking forward to seeing what you've done on the house.' He had very clearly stated that he was looking forward to seeing Laxus. Which was certainly interesting.

And if Laxus found his annoyance at his grandfather dissipating slightly, replaced by a weird fizzy feeling in his stomach, then that was his business and nobody else's.

[bobblesnbittybites]

A genre of music for the foreverfel babs, hmm...future kawaii ? Like snails house

After erasing the reply I’m only doing part of it because I was going so well and that just erased so much I don’t want to re-write all of it again.

So some important stuff to note before we go into their designs as variants is in the au I crafted called “Foreverfell” it is not a fell universe- instead it is a place where depending on the color and shape of a soul you could be more demonic, or more angelic. AND depending on the shape of a soul you could host a reject from heaven or hell. Everyone is gaining disabilities from actively dying as it is very easy to get damaged or killed having the need to host such beings to stay alive and in some cases be fully functioning still. Moving on, skeletons are rare for two reasons, 1) being they are easily corruptable as they naturally shift into wendigos after a long while of hunting demons heart-shaped souls that are singular. 2) being the fact they are naturally genderless monsters, as such, they need more magic in order to have the possibility to support a life making females harder to come by for skeletons unless you wanna talk the Wendigo Dabria Gaster about being trans from going on a feeding frenzy. This means that in the original versions of the au and these ship children are fairly aggressive naturally as they are part human and monster, demonic and angelic to some degree.

With all that being said these bitties are all altered versions of the original, the original is stated above, not the entirety of the bitties is going to apply to this line of thinking but this is going to affect them in some way from this being the base to take apart but not tumble like Jenga blocks.

Now then- because of Angel being more musically inclined (and me listening to a ton of Just Shapes and Beats) her purple coloring would be pink, bones an off-grey or a toned color(possibly blue or purple) with a jacket and plenty of pastels to match. This one would have the start of a pair of antlers like her technically dead grandpa in the origin with shorter hair/feather goop and ruined wings/feather goop to match with the whole “kawaii bass of death” mood she brings, unlike the original Angel these ones would be more in tune with their emotions and others emotions. Easily able to find the best to a person or object to go “this is mine, you touch it I will try to murder you in your sleep”(with the exception of her trusting you or it is one of the Greys or Abbys!). These ones are very comfortable and chill having more of a better way to communicate with someone their needs or plans to make sure they don’t cause harm or ruin something. If you want a good description of their fashion sense think of Harajuku fashion with the pastels, many clips, and puffy jackets.

A few recommendations would to adopt all three at once as they work best with their fellow future kawaii Greys and Abbys since all of them depend heavily on communication, if one needs to go hunting to keep themselves in check they’d ask the others “hey, do you need a heart at any point within the next coming week?” and they would either say “yeah, I might go in a frenzy on (x) if I don’t get one” or “naw, but do you think you’d need help or can I stay here to do (x)?”

I would also recommend brushing up on communication skills and buying a small flip phone with some sort of bitty sized bag or way for them to carry it as they are very communication heavy to the point they don’t lie to their caretaker(s) unless the information puts their caretaker(s) in danger. If you would rather not have this I would recommend having at least a house phone or way for them to communicate while you are out of the house and to buy a lot of mice and rats, these bitties need the live souls. After death, the soul normally can’t sustain itself making giving them dead things ineffective in preventing a frenzy. If you don’t do any of these you’ll end up either getting a hand torn off, a runaway, or a ghost bitty haunting you while forever starving, unable to pass away fully.

These bitties are not aggressive compared to their original bitty counterparts but all that goes away when their needs aren’t met. When a frenzy happens you need the live bait of around ten rodents and no bitties (unless possible threats I guess) and you’d have to wait until an hour after all the rodents have been devoured so the Angels and Greys don’t accidentally harm you or another creature in the house.

[depthanonymous]

Thursday. December 26th Chicago O’Hare

This is a Story about how I met my Soulmate.

Growing up I always needed everyone's approval.... I needed that validation for my ego. I got picked on and bullied as a young kid. Too fat, too many freckles, stupid laugh, buck teeth, you name it.... I was too white for the Mexicans, too Mexican for the white kids... I never felt like I fit in, with anyone, even family at times. So I tried to fit in everywhere I went, I tried to impress and 1-Up everybody. I had to win, always. I had to become the best. So no one would have anything to talk about. I needed everyone to approve of me and I had no idea why.... I was doing things I didn't like, working jobs I didn't enjoy, to buy things I didn't even really want, to impress people I didn't even care about....

And then, December 26th 2013, at 8 something AM on a Thursday, I'm at Chicago O'Hare airport.... walking from one end of the airport to the other so I can grab a bite to eat while I wait 3 hours for my flight to Maryland.... and I cross paths with a walking goddess.... she's coming from the opposite end, and should be ending up at the gate I just got out of, Heading back to Omaha From Ohio... I kid you not this was some out of the movies stuff...

I originally met her my freshman year of highscool. She would always come up and eat lunch in the art room during my art class. I used to just drool over her as a freshman, (I was such a dork, had ZERO swagger of any sort) and she was this GORGEOUS girl, but she was a Junior and an amazing artist; coupled with this massive attitude. The only time I ever got the courage to go up and attempt to ask her out. She was drawing a sketch for her figure-drawing class... and I come up and go "hey what are you drawing?" Trying to flirt, and failing. she doesn't even look up at me, she just says "What does it look like?" And I shut down so fast and walked away.... that was 2009

So now, December 2013, I'm tall, (I used to be 5'3ish now I'm 6'3) I'm in better shape, better dressed, looking classy wearing a nice coat and stuff. I'm feeling good, carrying myself differently as a man. Just got the new iPhone, blasting the free version of Pandora..... and I see her. And I instantly get brought back to when I made a fool of myself.... and I'm like, screw that. I'm talking to her this time... only now, we locked eyes, movie style.... and time stops. Busiest and biggest airport in the US... and I come across her. Again. Only this time, she's actually looking back at me, and smiling.... I cut across the hall and she meets me half way. She's so damn beautiful I can't even get words to come out. Luckily she still had that good ole attitude and after a second or two says "Hey, I'm not drawing anything this time, so you're going to have to think of something good." And right then and there I'm thinking, “she remembered!? god damn I'm going to marry this girl.” Everything about her was perfect... so I laugh and now I'm back down to earth and to my confident self (freaking out internally) and I'm like, "oh really, you mean you won't shut down anything I say this time?".... she was looking at the departure screen as I said it.... and she looks at me with this shock that I just said that and then this beautiful smirk, and gives me that smile that just makes everything in me start to tingle. She looks back at me like she's thinking the exact same thing I am.... so I say, "where are you headed?" She says Omaha, asks if I still live there. I say yeah. So then I ask when her flight home is and she says not for another three hours... JUST LIKE ME. So I say “well I also have a pretty big layover, do you know where your gate is?” She says "Duh, its all pretty clearly marked." So I'm like cool, that hurt the pride a little but moving on. And I ask her "well, since we both have a few hours do you wanna grab some food and catch up." She said "Nah, I already ate....(waits silently for what felt like a year crammed into 5 seconds) but we can sit here and chill for a bit if you want." And I'm like STARVING, but I don't even care. I'm just over here mesmerized because this woman is GORGEOUS, and in my head I just keep saying don't mess this up don't mess this up don't mess this up.... so We catch up, she told me she was at Creighton, I said I was going to trade school. She made fun of me and said "Do you still drive that really loud tiny green truck." I got all offended because I did still drive it and loved it. But I get over it..... So all of the sudden hours of talking pass and we are both almost late to board.... so we run to our gates. And the whole vacation I'm just thinking about her, can't get her out of my head. Thinking about some elaborate plan to ask her out and over exaggerating a big romantic plan like always. And I get back from Vacation and get busy and don't know how to approach her to where I don't seem like a Creep....

Well, a couple months pass and around summer time. Her and and another person I went to school with are doing door to door surveys about the neighborhood. And guess who's door they come knocking at? MINE! On my only day off in the last two months... coincidence? I think not. so I come up and answer all shy and say hi to the girl I remember from school. and then see her around the corner and get this rush, I got so nervous I began to sweat a little. I could tell she was nervous too. We gather and sit down in the family room. when I look over to see if the nerves have settled. She couldn't look up at me. She was just staring at the clip board, fumbling on her words on and off as she asks questions and awkwardly chuckles as I respond in a dorky manner.... so I call my dog over even though she isn't allowed on the carpet, to help calm my nerves.... and my dog who loves me like no other, would never abaondon my command. Goes STRAIGHT to her and won't leave her alone. So now I'm all bragging about how well behaved my dog is and she totally disobeys me and goes right to her, calming her nerves and making her smile... they finish with the survey and leave. And I spend the whole day kicking myself for messing up and not asking for her number or to go for coffee or something, anything!

A few days later... SHE messages ME! I'm jumping off the walls, I'm ecstatic. She was telling me sorry for being awkward during he survey. I said likewise, then she laughed at how my dog likes her more and I'm the one that feeds her! we get to flirting and all the cheesy cliche stuff. all of the sudden she's overly straight up with me and just hits me with, "so do you even plan to ask for my number or....?" And I'm just like damn this woman is calling me out on everything. She's like "well, I don't do this Facebook messenger stuff and you're too slow at asking soooo.... can I get yo Numbah?" Just like that...

Now we get to texting and I try asking her out....it doesn't work. And I'm not used to getting rejected so wow! why does she keep shooting me down? So finally I'm like... how about this, let's go for coffee and talk art, it's NOT A DATE. Just two people talking art like a couple of hipsters.... and she goes "fine, on one condition. Don't ever use hipsters in reference to me or you ever again."

So we go on the date, that she always said wasn't a date.... and we both get there at like 4pm, and end up talking and talking for around 6 hours, until they said they were closing.... TOTALLY A DATE. I go to get the door for her and she rushes and won't let me, and says hey, it's not a date. So I smile because in my head I'm like oh you know it was a date you just tried to make excuses now that it's over.... and then before she gets in her car I tell her to look up this song. So she pulls up next to me at the stoplight and turns it up so I can hear that she actually looked it up. Then texts me saying she had a really good time getting coffee and reiterated that it was NOT a date. And then said she loved the song, and I said “good, I'll sing it to you sometime.”

Guess what we did on our second (technically first actual) date? Yup, got food and then drove around and listened to music. And did I sing the song to her, HELL YES I DID. At the top of my lungs, looking at her and everything. While driving, big hazard but I was trying to impress. And I'm about to take her home at a decent time, like 10pm... and as I'm a block away, Te Metiste by Ariel Camacho comes on and I look over at her like damn this is my song. And she goes "wanna just make another loop"... and I said “absolutely” as I start singing that to her too. Getting her to blush and smile..... our first "loop" was like 75 miles. So I got her home at like midnight.... and she posts a status saying "When he can sing👌🏼" and I'm just all pumped up like yeeeeeeaaaaahhhh, I'm Dr. Smooth, PHD in SmoothOlogy..... and then she texts me before bed. And says thanks for food and she really enjoyed the date.... and then finishes it off with another that says "don't let the status get to your head, I liked the singing but you were way too cheesy. 😏".... I knew it, I knew it all along. Since day one, she's the woman that was crafted for me by the big man upstairs, and I'm going to marry her. AND I DID!!! Absolute greatest accomplishment and decision of my life. I had her hooked and I wasn't ever going to let her go. She asked how the hell I could have wanted to marry her without knowing everything about her....And I simply said, "When you know, you know."

You want some proof that she was my soulmate? Short story: We began teaching at the same school, in my classroom during summer our first cleaning, up in a cabinet lodged into the corner was a piece of art..... it had a picture and I instantly knew it was my wife. I ran to her room on the other wing of the building and showed her. She said it was something she made in the 3rd grade, when she attended the school..... still think it’s coincidence? I have plenty more.

Not all stories have the fairytale endings. I lost my Soulmate and Best Friend to Suicide on December 18th 2016. Sometimes it’s the most beautiful people, with the most loving families, with all the accolades and best degrees money could buy. Depression is a constant war in your head, against yourself. Hug your loved ones and appreciate every single moment.

[turtle-steverogers]

Departed Chap 4 Pt. 1

This is a long chapter so it’s going in two parts YEET

Ship: Slow burn Sprace

Warnings: None for this chapter yet?? But pt. 2 oof

It was 10:30 am by the time Spot was fully awake the next morning. Race was still asleep, his arm draped lazily across Spot’s stomach. For the moment, Spot decided to ignore the warm feeling that their closeness gave him, he’d deal with that later. As of right now, he had to get ready for the class he was instructing at the Tae Kwon Do studio at 11:15. He allowed himself two more minutes to lazily drink in the morning sunlight that shone across his bed, then carefully extracted himself from Race’s embrace and grabbed his uniform off of his desk chair.

Once he was dressed, he got to work cooking some scrambled eggs to eat before he left. A loud groan sounded from his bedroom and a few moments later, Race was dragging himself into the kitchen.

“Mornin’, Champ,” Spot greeted, smirking at Race’s obviously hungover state.

“I never wanna even see eggnog ever again,” Race grumbled, slinking over to the medicine cabinet and pulling out some Advil, “Ya got any orange juice?”

“Yeah, in the fridge,” Spot said, taking the eggs off of the heat and transferring half to a plate, “Ya want any eggs?”

Race nodded and Spot pulled out another plate for him, dumping the second half of the eggs onto it. Race poured two glasses of the orange juice and the two of them ate in peace.

Spot rinsed off the dishes while Race scrolled through his phone.

“How long you at work for today?” Race asked.

“Just ‘til two, itsa short day cuz of winter break.”

“Cool. Al was wonderin’ if we wanted to go ice skating later, should I tell him we’re in?”

“Yeah, I’m down.”

“Aight, everyone’s meetin’ at five.”

“Okay, I gotta head out.,” Spot said, grabbing his keys off of the hook, “I’ll see ya ‘round two ish. Ya know where ta find me.”

“‘Kay, bye.”

XXX

By the time the last class rolled around, Spot was at his wits end. Winter break having just started for the kids meant that they were exceptionally unfocused today, especially with the promise of snow that weekend.

“Aight, class, Charyut!” Spot called to the orange and green belts he was teaching at the moment, “We’re just goin’ ta go through your combinations real fast. When we move past the orange belt combos, all orange belts start back at the first one while the green belts do theirs, got it?”

A chorus of ‘yes, sirs’ rang from the group and Spot silently thanked the gods that this was one of his more mature classes.

“Good. Turn to your left with a loud yell, joon bi!” The class did so and Spot began to lead them through their combinations, only having to stop every so often to help a lost kid catch up. Twenty minutes later, he bowed out the class and went to get the mop from the back. He glanced at the clock, which read 1:30, and sighed.

‘Thirty minutes left,’ he thought to himself, pulling out his phone to listen to music, ‘then I’m off for two weeks.’ He grimaced and got to work cleaning the studio.

“Spot, man, I can clean,” Spot pulled out his headphones to see Elmer, his fellow instructor, crossing the mat to join him, “You’ve cleaned the past two times, it’s my turn, anyway.”

“Ya sure?” Spot asked.

“Positive,” Elmer said, already reaching out to take the mop from Spot, “Head home, man, Happy Holidays.”

“You’re a blessin’, Elmer, seriously,” Spot smiled, “Thank ya, Happy Holidays.”

“‘Course, I’ll see ya ‘round man.”

Spot signed out and waved to Elmer once more before leaving and walking to his car. He got back to the apartment at exactly 1:50 and found Race playing Fortnite in the living room. His eyes flickered away from the screen for a split second to look at Spot before returning his focus solely to the game.

“You’re back, early.” He said, his tone distracted.

“Yeah, Elmer offered ta clean,” Spot said, chuckling lightly as Race stuck his tongue between his teeth to concentrate, “I was wonderin’ when ya’d invade my X-Box.”

“Oh hush up, I’m doin’ better than you apparently have been.”

“Whatever, I’ma shower,” Spot said, already tugging off his black belt.

“Yeah, please do, you smell like feet- even from here.”

“Fuck you.”

“Only in ya dreams, Spottie-boy.”

By the time Spot got out of the shower, Race was in the kitchen hovering over the stove.

“Dude, ya don’t gotta cook anythin’,” Spot said, lazily towelling off his still damp hair, “We still have leftover lasagna and meatballs.”

“I know, but I saw this recipe for mac and cheese grilled cheese and ta hell if m’not trying it.”

Spot laughed, “Aight, just don’t make yourself sick.”

Race just shrugged as he pulled every kind of cheese that Spot owned out of the fridge, “Can’t make me any sicker than that goddamned eggnog from last night.” He said, squinting at the expiration date on some parmesan.

“Oh yeah, speakin’ of last night,” Spot said, tossing the towel over his shoulder and sitting at the kitchen counter, “How much d’you remember?”

Race stopped pulling out ingredients for a moment, furrowing his brows in thought, “Not much after I had summa Al’s weed. Why? Did I do somethin’ stupid?”

Spot hesitated, “You brought up Melissa.”

Race’s shoulders flinched slightly and he asked in a clipped tone, “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Spot bit his lip, trying to decide how to proceed through the conversation, “You, uh, told me about how she’d, uh, make you have sex-”

“Stop,” Race snapped, “Stop, I don’t wanna talk about this.”

“Race, you shouldn’t hafta handle this on your own. I-”

“Sean,” Race said, his voice dangerously low, “Stop talking.”

Spot nodded, “Alright, sorry.”

Race stood still for a moment before hastily shutting off the stove, “I’m not hungry anymore.” With that, he stalked out of the room. A second later, Spot could hear the bathroom fan turn on.

Spot sighed and got to work putting away all the ingredients and pots that Race had pulled out. It was obvious that Race wasn’t handling this whole ordeal as well as he had let on. He wanted to help him sort through it, but he couldn’t if Race refused to talk about it.

‘Oh well,’ He thought to himself, ‘I’ll let him come to me when he’s ready.’ He glanced at the clock. It was 2:30, which meant that they had about two hours before they had to head out to meet the others at the ice rink.

Race was evidently still camping in the bathroom, so Spot decided to go check on him.

He knocked lightly at the door, “Racer? You good?”

The door opened and Race pushed past Spot, his eyes obviously bloodshot.

“Yeah,” He called over his shoulder,“I’ma take a nap, wake me up when we gotta go.”

Spot felt worry itch at the back of his neck, but it was clear that Race wanted to be left alone, “Alright, I’m gonna do some grocery shopping, you want anything in particular?”

“No.”

Taking that as his cue to leave Race alone, Spot grabbed his keys off his hook and exited the apartment.

Although Race hadn’t asked for anything, Spot decided to pick him up a box of Honey Bunches of Oats. He figured he may as well get Race’s favorite if he was going to stay there for a while.

When he got back, he found Race fast asleep on his air mattress. It was still about an hour until they had to leave, so after putting away the groceries, Spot flipped on the TV and pulled up Netflix. He had just finished an episode of Breaking Bad whe Race stirred from across the room.

“What time’s it?” He mumbled, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

“4:30, we should leave in fifteen minutes if we wanna get there by five.”

“Okay, I’ma jus’ change and freshen up real fast.”

Spot turned off the TV as Race made his way to the bathroom and pulled himself off the couch to grab a jacket and thicker socks to wear to the ice rink. When he got to his room, he found Race digging through his duffel with a toothbrush sticking out of his mouth.

Spot scoffed, “What’re ya doin’?”

Race looked up at Spot, a bit of toothpaste smudged on his chin. He reached up and plucked the toothbrush out of his mouth, “M’lookin’ for my hat and gloves, but I think I left it back at my-uh..other place.”

“Here, jus’ borrow some of mine,” Spot suggested, strolling over to his closet and picking a blue winter hat and matching gloves out of a bin. He crossed the room to Race and placed the hat on his head.

“There,” Spot smiled, “Looks cute on ya.”

Spot froze, realizing that he had just called Race cute, but Race just smiled around the toothbrush, which was back in his mouth, “Thanks.”

“Uh..no problem.” Spot said, watching as Race stood up and went to the bathroom to rinse. He shook his head lightly- what was getting into him? First they had cuddled through the night before and now he was calling Race cute? Did he even have a right to do that since Race and Melissa were technically still in a relationship? Though he wasn’t entirely sure it was a relationship anymore, but they had never explicitly broken up. Beyond that, since when did Spot think about Race that way? Since when did-

“Spottie-boy, ya good?” Race said, effectively breaking Spot out of his thoughts, “You have the same look on your face thatcha have when you’re tryna do math.”

Spot scrunched his nose, “M’good, ya ready to roll?”

Race nodded and the two of them put on their jackets, hats, and gloves before leaving the apartment and walking down to Spot’s car.

TAG LIST: @bencookisagod @we-dont-sell-papes @suddenly-im-respecsable @aw-jus-let-em-spook @well-the-kids-do-too @spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn @thatpoorguysheadisspinning @newsies-of-nyc @andthewoildwillknow

[matan4il]

Some Eurovision 2018 thoughts

Because I promised @isabellaofparma I would post these, that’s why. I should note, I wrote most of this before the rehearsals and saved it as draft, so there are only a few added touches before posting. Also, can’t believe it’s almost a year since ESC 2017. @beautifulhusbands, remember when we chatted about last year’s competition? Good times. OK, here are a few thoughts about some of the songs by country... Hungary - thing for me is, I love rock songs at the ESC, so a rock song has to work really hard for me not to like it in this competition. Still, this one feels particularly authentic, so major kudos, it’s my fave rock song this year (sorry, @i-want-messed-up-with-you-4-ever, though the Netherlands’ country rock entry is nice too. @letthebluerain we also have a cute light rock song from Romania, but I have to admit I’m always disappointed when I don’t get a song in Romanian from the country I was born in. But I actually adore that we have more than one rock song this year, I like this diversity). @isabellaofparma, I still love last year’s Hungarian entry more, but that’s because it became one of my fave ESC songs ever, not because this year’s offering isn’t good. FYR Macedonia - I saw some people saying this song is a mess of genres, but I don’t think that’s the issue. You can throw in five different musical genres and as an idea, it could still work well. For me the problem is every time I get into a particular portion and genre and I start enjoying myself, the song switches over. So I’m left unsatisfied by the whole thing. Greece - I like this song. I adore all songs that are in their country’s native language rather than in English, even though I get why so many choose to perform in the latter. So this song gets points for that, has an ethnic sound to it which I also like and generally, it seems like Israelis tend to like the Greek songs. So yeah, one of my faves this year. I think it has a real shot at being the winner. (isn’t @nvrtickleadragon Greek? I like relating songs and countries to people. So go you!) Belarus - this may be weird but the singer reminds me of the guy who played the (more) openly gay teenager on Witness (I miss that show so much). That does things to me. So I like this entry, but it may not be for the right reasons. I think how this will do will greatly depend on how it’s executed on stage. Italy - I have to say, I adore the Italian tendency to send songs in Italian as it’s one of my fave languages. This entry is nice musically, though I think one of the singers is not as good as the other one and the disparity takes away some of my enjoyment. Also, I’m not fond of the tendency to send 'from the headlines’ songs, though relatively to the genre, this one is nice. All in all, my feelings are it could have been better and it could have been worse. At least the hook is catchy. (I believe @robertjacobsugdens is Italian, right? Again, me with the relating stuff to people thing. I do believe you guys will do well this year even if this isn’t my fave entry this year, nor my fave Italian song to the ESC) Also, technically, I wanna rant over the fact that there actually ARE pacifist bombs. For example, there are bombs used specifically to destroy other bombs in a controlled manner that saves lives. So. I don’t know. I don’t like an oversimplified message is what I’m saying, I guess. Kinda makes you wonder why I listen to ESC then, right? ;p France - This is another one ‘from the headlines’, so once more, I’m a bit meh. It’s a nice, lovely tune, I adore that France always sing in French, but the song becomes too familiar too quickly in my opinion. I’m sorry, @iamarobronniffler, I think you guys will get a high score, but I don’t think it will win... I also think it was sort of hurt by being one of the first songs to be released, which means people had loads of time to get used to it... Personal pet peeve is that the singer pronounces ‘Mercy’ not like the English word the name derives from, but like the French word ‘merci’, which is a nice touch, but it starts bothering me towards the end of the song, when the name is repeated (and mispronounced) so much. Denmark - ok, so on first listen? It’s a really strong entry. The drums are epic, the staging is good, the production of the song is tight, the legend behind the song of Vikings who decided not to fight is cool, it is a catchy song, Rasmussen has stage experience so the odds of him faltering on the night are slim, thus this song has SO MUCH going for it. Usually, if you have a song like this and you come from one of the two blocks (the Soviet or the Scndinavian ones) I feel like you have it in the bag. That’s how I felt about Sweden’s Heroes and Denmark’s Only Teardrops and they both won. But I feel like one thing that works against the song is that it has something about it that’s almost too serious and in a year where a lot of things are less so, plus this year is very innovative while this song is classically epic, that may work against it. Also, I feel like years when the Scandinavian countries send more than one strong entry, that end up splitting the Nordic vote and negates the block advantage. This year, you have Finland with a strong entry too, plus Sweden being Sweden. Basically, I feel like this could have been the winner in a lot of years, but probably not this one. Portugal - feels like an attempt to send a song in the same genre of their winner last year and I think the odds of the same country winning twice in a row with the same type of song is slim to none. That being said, I think this year’s offering is lovely and way better in this genre than last year’s Portuguese song. Sorry, I still don’t think that guy should have won. Sweden - hmmm, this will do well, first of all because it’s Sweden (really, @stulot, it’s ridiculous what an empire you are in this sense) and because it has a nice, young Michael Jackson vibe. But I really don’t think it’s gonna win. It doesn’t stand out enough in my opinion. Plus, the Danish and Finnish contenders are stronger IMO, so my guess is a lot of Scandinavians votes are gonna go there rather than to Sweden. It’s a good song, it’s just not enough of a competition when even within Scandinavia, it’s only the third strongest song. Ireland - the song is sooooo sweet, it’s almost too much so. It gets a bit better once you realize it’s actually about a relationship that has ended, it gives the idea behind it a bit of a twist than if it were just a declaration of sickeningly sweet love, but the real gem for this entry is the clip. It’s openly showcasing a same-sex couple and I am SO happy about that! Despite its gay reputation, ESC is actually more heteronormative than you’d expect, so that clip made me really happy. I want it to do better than it might have otherwise for that alone. I'm glad they’re bringing it to the stage in Lisbon too. I’m annoyed (though not surprised) that Russia said it would cut this song out. Thing is, Russia is allowed to do that in the semi-final, but not in the final, so for that reason if nothing else, I want Ireland in the final. (person from fandom that this made me think of, @dannymiller-irish-fan. Promise I’m done with the tagging now... I think) Cyprus - this is a very typical ESC song, it’s fun and tightly produced so it will do well, but I’m not happy about the lack of originality, plus the pushing of the ‘sex sells’ angle is not something that I subscribe to. Bulgaria - this song feels very current, easily a pop hit you could hear on the radio rather than on the ESC stage. I enjoy it, I think a lot depends on the live performance, how the staging will go, how will their voices blend live, but I think it can be the winner. Estonia - it’s weird, I think her voice is stunning beyond measure, the song is perfect opera pop, I enjoy it whenever I hear it and yet it’s not a song I can see myself listening to outside of the competition. Maybe because it’s not exactly one you can sing along to. All the same, another possible winner IMO. Finland - So this is the strongest Scandinavian contender in my book (so @youslicetheginger, I think you guys have a shot). The song is classic ESC, it’s also well produced and performed, which is really important, so that takes a bit away from the fact that it’s not that original. However, you gotta add in two more advantages, both originating in Saara Aalto being the one performing it (beyond the fact that SHE CAN FUCKING BELT). One is that she was on singing reality shows in both Finland AND the UK before the contest, which probably makes her the most established artist of the whole lot before the competition. That matters because while the Scandinavian vote is split up this year, she can make up for it through fans of hers from outside Finland and Scandinavia. The other is her being open about her engagement to a woman. This, together with the possible LGBTQ reading of her song, I think can also get her a lot of votes. So basically, out of the Nordic countries, I believe she’s gonna place highest. And I’m definitely a fan. Iceland - the most interesting things about this clip and its video: the church you can see in the clip, the streets Ari (the singer) walks down in it, are ones I’ve seen and walked too, which was pretty cool to me. Ari means Eagle in the Scandinavian language, which is a cool coincidence with the fact that in Hebrew, the same name means lion. ‘But Alice, these interesting tidbits have nothing to do with the song!?’ you say? Exactly. Sorry, Ari, you look like a lovely guy, you damn well can sing, but this is the biggest bore fest this year. You deserved a better song. Norway - This is the definition of “don’t know when to call it quits”. What’s worst to me is Alexander tried to make it better by saying kids keep asking him how to write a song and this was his reply to them. Either he’s lying and just trying to get the audience to go all ‘awwww’ over his very banal song, an inferior version of the song he had won with in the past... or he’s honest, in which case, STOP LYING TO THE KIDS, Alexander. That is NOT how you write a song. Ukraine - I think this is such a cool, different song performed by a cool, different artist, it’s upbeat, it’s not preachy, it’s unique, it’s catchy, I love it. I don’t think it will win, but it’s another one of my faves. Spain - this love song made me think of @imre-gr, of course. It is sweet and lovely. It was the first song I heard that made me smile, so how could I not think of you? But then, I have to admit that it is very much the typical ESC love duet and while it’s a very good version of it, in a year full of unique and different songs, I don’t think it stands a chance to win. Sorry. :( Israel - honestly, my first reaction when the song was first released was, ‘ok, so we will not win this year either’. I still think it’s too divisive to win (I know the bookkeepers disagree, but I think they mainly rely on how many views the song clips get on YouTube and that is NOT a measure for which one will win the ESC), I think the song’s too original, too creative and TOO out there, not enough people get why the chicken bits were included, too many people started arguing about whether this is a feminist song or an anti-male one, but I was happy to see it was less divisive than I anticipated and that a lot of people have responded so positively to the song, to its message of self-empowerment and to Netta. I can’t think of anything better than so many people seeing a woman who is clearly nothing like the thin ideal of beauty in our society singing “I’m a beautiful creature”, getting that she means it and agreeing with her. Netta in simply who she is conveys a real message and spirit of change for the better. The song itself tries to tackle a serious issue but without being preachy or heavy about it, make it fun for people when they sing about feminism and embracing yourself and your strength as you are. I feel like this attempt sometimes means the lyrics aren’t clear enough (as the song is inspired by the #metoo movement, ‘stupid boy’ doesn’t feel like a harsh enough term for the sexual harassment the song refers to, plus it can too easily be used to make it seem like the song is anti-male, because people take it as if ‘stupid boy’ is referring to all men rather than to jerks who take advantage of women), but I still appreciate what it tries to do. And at the end of the day, I think Netta is fabulous, I think she got her message across, I think her song became popular way beyond the bounds of the competition, so in my eyes, even if she won’t win the contest, she’s a true winner and wonder woman. I’m proud of you and thank you for representing in such an amazing way a huge part of the beauty of my country on its 70th anniversary. <3

[fleetwoodsushi]

Hey Kelly, I'm a newish harrie and I really love your blog! I was just watching some videos from Harry's tour and I'm just so amazed by his live vocals, not many singers sound that great live in my experience so I'm just really impressed. I'm just curious, what do you like most about Harry's voice/vocals, like what drew you to him as a singer? And what are your favorite performances by him? Have a great night!

hey there! WELL you have hit upon probably my fave subject to moan on about so I’m sorry if this gets long haha, also HIYA I love new fans woo!

Harry’s voice is - I’m sorry for sounding cheesy - probably my favourite sound in the whole world. It’s def what struck me the first time I heard a 1D song and then as I started looking into them (watching an embarrassing amount of youtube videos) I fell more and more in love. I don’t know how to quantify it and I’m not big on over-analyzing things like this but…it’s like…salted caramel crunch covered in the smoothest chocolate??? sounds ridiculous Kelly but here we are.

Some people say he’s not “technically” a stand-out singer. I disagree but there are definitely people who can hit a note easier I’m sure, but music is never about that for me. The thing about Harry is that I can FEEL everything he’s singing. There’s so much heart behind it and so much more than just him hitting a note. He has the most incredible tone, it’s so naturally beautiful to listen to. He has the ability to be so soft (like From the Dining Table) but also so powerful and hard (like KIWI) and it’s my Faaaaaaaave Thing.

Here’s some standouts for me and I’ll go kinda chronologically cause why not!! haha

Here’s little baby Harry on xfactor. I’ll admit, I didn’t watch all their xfactor stuff as I came in a little later (like 2013) but this one I did watch and you can tell, even though he’s only 16, there’s something so special about his voice!

Here’s some clips from when Harry toured with 1D. I can remember being so excited every time they did a show because Harry so often changed up notes, added special things, etc. 1)The best song from Take Me Home tour2) “Right Now” aka we didn’t deserve it, Where We Are tour3) Singing “18″ and being an all around earth angel every time 4) When they surprised us and did Drag Me Down for the first time and Harry killed everyone with the runs at the end, when I say I SCREAMED I mean itOn to SOLO HARRY! Almost every live performance has been impeccable, even phone-recorded fan vids from concerts have been gorgeous, here’s some cause I love to INDULGE:1) First show at The Garage and already changing it up and sounding incred2) Singing “Ultralight Beam” at The Garage and…well killing us all dead 3) “Woman” at The Troubadour4) “Sign of The Times” in MexicoHere’s my last few faves, mostly full songs!1) Meet Me in The Hallway from Behind The Album doc2) “Woman” from Live in Manchester3) this is just a clip but his Late Late Show performance of Two Ghosts was hauntingly beautiful4) Carolina on Late Late show (so fun)5) and my fave Sign of the Times performance from Graham Norton, he just looks so happy at the end lol it’s cuteSOOOOOOOOOO yeah this got long I’m SO SORRY. I love Harry’s voice!! Thanks for being so kind and I’m sorry this ran away with me! (WOOPS) But if you ever wanna see or hear more, I have this tag Harry Sings and there’s loads of loads of clips! Hope you like this! xxoxox

[spectrumscribe]

exhaust trails through space.

commissioned by @stasispunk, some good old 2012 TMNT b-team shenanigans and bonding. in space!!

contains some themes similar to my fic These Days, so be aware. but not nearly as severe, since it’s mostly fluffy things.

AO3 version.

It’s not bad, in their home. It’s not. But sometimes it’s just… not good.

It’s not one person’s fault, and it’s not everyone’s fault, either. They’re not the most functional people in the world, even if they were counted as ‘people’ by the greater majority of planet earth. They all have problems, and bad nights, and moments where they just fuck up a situation that could have gone better. And they’re trying, honest, to make it work even with just each other and their friends to lean on for support.

Mikey knows all that, but it still sucks sometimes. Maybe a lot of the time, when rough patches pop up and take root. Sometimes things just suck and that’s a fact about his family’s life.

Doesn’t make it any easier, when it’s the third week in a row where hardly anyone has had what they could call a ‘good night’, and it’s the umpteenth fight about something stupid. The chores today, training yesterday, and attitude the day before that…

It’s always something, and it feels like one or more of them are always mad about it. Some nights it’s easy as avoiding that brother, and some nights it’s not.

Some nights its itchy, bitter frustration building in Mikey’s throat and a lot of words coming out that really shouldn’t. Some nights its Raph saying words just like Mikey’s, and both of their voices climbing higher to be heard over the other. Tonight it’s that, with the additional noise of Leo and Donnie telling both of them to shut up and let it just drop already, and Raph finally losing his temper to the point it gets physical.

They’ve all had it a hundred times worse, but a rough shove backwards, enough Mikey has to really pay attention so he doesn’t fall over, is a real pain in the neck to deal with. Enough that it’s one of the nights he doesn’t back down at that, and instead shoves right back.

Raph makes an angry snarl for the blow, and punches Mikey’s shoulder hard enough it’ll probably bruise. That’s when Leo and Donnie pull them apart, dividing them into B-team and A-team once again.

There’s a lot of yelling and not-yelling going on, and Mikey’s shoulder is smarting as much as his pride is, and all he catches is-

“Mikey, you apologize, and then we can all just put this behind us-”

“Excuse me, you want him to apologize? For not wanting to pick up Raph’s dishes?”

“Raph already did the sweeping today, it wasn’t that big of a deal for him to ask Mikey-”

“Raph can clean up his own shit, oh my god. Expecting other people to always do that for him is frankly ridiculous-”

“It isn’t always-”

“It sure feels like it!”

“Donnie.”

“Leo.”

And after a moment of glaring, Mikey suddenly finds himself being dragged out of the room as Donnie throws over his shoulder, “You know what? Fuck both of you.”

Leo tries to call after them. “Donnie-”

“No! Piss off, Leo!”

Just like that, Mikey finds himself in his brother’s lab, and the doors being slammed behind them. He rubs his sore shoulder absently while Donnie paces, muttering and cursing and being generally upset.

“I cannot believe- you know what, no, no I can believe he’d think that was okay. Like Raph wasn’t the first one to make things physical, like always-”

Donnie slams his hands on a table, facing Mikey from the other side of it.

“I am so sick of their bullshit,” he says.

Mikey rubs his shoulder a little more, massaging the forming bruise. “Same,” he replies.

Donnie walks away from his table, pacing a bit more, and then rounds to look Mikey dead in the eye.

“We need a god damn vacation,” Donnie states.

Mikey thinks about that. They actually… haven’t ever taken one of those?

“Not many places to go when you’re a turtle, Dee,” he points out, which is one of the reasons why they’ve never done that.

Donnie mutters grudgingly that that’s true. Then he snaps his fingers and says, “But in space, we can go anywhere!”

Mikey tilts his head.

That’s… very true. He says so, then adding with a slight are you kidding me tone, “And how are we supposed to get up there, genius?”

Donnie pulls out his t-phone, tapping away on the screen.

“Bishop owes me a few favors at least, considering how much we’ve helped them out in the past. Plus, I walked him through how to set up Netflix across dimensional planes. Three hours of that definitely warrants a spaceship loan.”

  ---

 It takes less time than Mikey would have thought to have a ship.

No longer than half a night, and a ship is ready for them to fly into the stratosphere. Brought straight from the remaining reserves of the Kraang armada, now the Utrom armada; basically with Mikey and Donnie’s name on it.

They pack their bags and weapons. It takes shorter than ten minutes, what with how much practice of having to grab essentials and just go they’ve had. Years of life or death situations are good for something.

Once they have everything together- and have made sure April will come and take care of ICK, because Mikey couldn’t ever leave without making sure his cat would be cared for properly- they stand in the technical living room of their home and announce,

“We’re going to space,” Mikey says proudly, and maybe a lot smugly. “See you guys in a few weeks.”

“What,” Leo says, staring at them.

“April will keep an eye on ice cream kitty,” Donnie assures. “so don’t bother feeding her at all.”

“What,” Raph says, also staring.

“Stay out of the lab,” Donnie says.

“And my room,” Mikey says.

“What?”  Their brothers say.

“See you!” Mikey cheers, and absconds with Donnie before anyone can stop them.

 ---

 For Donnie, laying his hands on the controls of the formerly Kraang ship is a clean breath inwards. Bringing it online, activating it’s cloaking, and taking off from the ground of the military compound is literally like flying.

The stratosphere rushes to meet them, and Donnie finds himself grinning as the blue of earth fades from the viewpoint. Only endless stars and space ahead of them, an entire universe full of options.

Donnie glances to his side, where he finds Mikey. His brother beaming at the smears of starlight all around them, so excited he’s nearly jittering.

Mikey glances up at him, and Donnie finds his own mouth copying the wide excited smile. Already this trip is an improvement. Mikey barely seems to be feeling the bruise on his shoulder, and Donnie hasn’t found himself thinking about certain arguments in over a half hour.

Their phones are now thoroughly out of range with earth, and they’ve got all the time in the world to explore to their hearts content. Now the only question is…

Where will they go first?

 ---

 They find out unfortunately quick that Kraang are not welcome. Literally anywhere.

After the fifth misunderstanding, and subsequent terror/grudge inspired firefight, Donnie announces they’ll be getting a new ship. Because getting shot at every two hours is the opposite of a vacation.

“But we have zero space dollars, dude,” Mikey points out as they pull into a space dock, planetside of a well populated area and after haggling the local law enforcers into believing that no, they are not a lone Kraang ship here to wage short and stupid war on a tourist planet.

“Weeellll….” Donnie says slowly as they pack up their meager possessions. “We can get an okay price for ship scrap, so that’s a start.”

“Enough for a new ship?” Mikey asks as they clip on the air conversion collars Bishop loaned them.

Donnie makes an Eh, not quite noise. Mikey looks at him for a moment, and then says, “Oh. Okay. Right off the bat?”

Donnie shrugs. “It was bound to happen eventually,” he says as he double checks all his weapons. “We’re bad at staying on people’s good side anyway, might as well do it on purpose for once.”

Seeing as this is their second time on a space voyage, and they’re older and more skilled at it now, it’s actually very easy to steal a new space ship. Sleek and small and fast, perfect for outrunning law enforcement and formerly wasted on the alien equivalent of a trust fund baby.

They then begin the 2.0 version of their vacation, adrenaline hot in their veins and somewhat maniacal laughter filling their ship as they warp away from the long arm of the law.

 ---

 Seeing as no one is hunting their heads this time around (excluding that one quadrant where they stole their ship from), there is abruptly a list of options longer than Mikey’s whole body of what they can do. Their options have always been so limited, even the last time they’d been out here, and it makes Mikey’s head spin for a few minutes.

Best yet, there’s only Donnie here with him in the cockpit of their ship. That’s only one person to convince, and Donnie has always been easier to try that with than any of their other siblings. Donnie’s more likely to listen, as long as it’s not too stupid a suggestion.

“Theme park!” Mikey says, snapping his fingers.

“Theme park,” Donnie agrees, writing down the idea on the little holopad that came with the ship.

“Oh and, um, shit, what’s that wet one of those?”

“Waterpark?”

“Yes,” Mikey says reverently. “I wanna use an actual waterslide at least once before I die.”

“Same, honestly,” Donnie says, adding that as well.

Mikey thinks a little more, about parks, and water, and things to do with both of those. And he arrives to a suggestion that seizes him with a strong sweep of fervency.

“Beach!” Mikey yells. “OH. My god. We have to go to a beach. Everyone has to visit a beach at some point.”

He glances at Donnie, who is looking at him funny.

“What?” Mikey asks, and then feels tired trepidation that of all his suggestions, the one he wants most is the one he’ll have to fight for.

Donnie snorts, chuckling as he taps on the holopad. “Nothing, it’s just for a second there I thought you called me a bitch.”

Mikey relaxes. “Not that time,” he jokes. He leans forwards in his pilot seat, towards his brother’s. “But seriously. Beach. We have to go find a real beach. Please?”

“Way ahead of you,” Donnie says. He taps the holoscreen one more time, and a map of stars pops up on the connected ones to the controls. He grins at Mikey. “I think a beach day is an excellent way to kick things off.”

Mikey chest is full of bubbling joy, and he throws his hands up with a whoop as Donnie sends their ship speeding towards the destination.

 ---

 Half a cycle’s voyage and twenty minutes of bickering about which spot to land on later, with brilliant blue waves crashing against the shore and golden beach that stretches for miles each way, and their air converter collars functioning just fine in the new environment,

“You should totally eat it,” Mikey says.

Donnie gives his brother an incredulous look. “It’s an unidentified alien organism on a deserted planet. I’m not going to eat it.”

“It’s an alien organism on a deserted planet that looks exactly like an earth lobster. We gotta eat it.”

Donnie gestures at the space crustacean between their feet on the sand. “It’s bright green! I’m not eating a neon green lobster from space.”

“Technically,” Mikey points out. “we’re green turtles from space, and he just lives here.”

“I’m not eating it.”

“Suit yourself.”

It’s only later, when the two suns have set and they’ve set up camp outside the ship for dinner, that Donnie looks at the lobster again. And considers.

“…that smells good,” he comments, watching Mikey crack open the shell of the lobster he’s boiled to a dark blue.

“’bout to find out if it tastes good,” Mikey replies, and takes a bite out of the pale flesh inside. Donnie waits for Mikey to keel over and the rush to find the right medicinal injection to begin, but all he gets is his brother chewing, swallowing, and saying, “Whew!”

“That’s like getting punched in the nose with flavor, oh my god,” Mikey says, wiping his nose and grinning. “Dee, you sure you don’t want in?”

Donnie looks at the dry ration bars in his hands, and his stomach rumbles as the scent of (probably) shellfish wafts past him.

“Gimme,” he finally relents. Mikey hands him one of the claws with a grin, and Donnie finds out eating lobster does in fact feel like getting punched in the nose with flavor. But it’s a good one, if a little overwhelming at first.

They polish off the lobster, and then go looking for more. Two more end up in the pot taken from the ship’s tiny kitchen, and they methodically shell them under the moonlight by their fire.

 ---

 In stark contrast to the beach destination, Mikey lets Donnie drag him to a planet at least several centuries ahead of earth with technology, if not more.

Not exactly where he would have wanted to go next, but hey, fairs fair. This is a joint trip, and Donnie didn’t even fight with him on going to the beach. Mikey’s gotta share control of their list.

So, rather than hitting up one of the artificial planets made specifically for partying, or one that’s built all its cities in the sky, they land on one that’s long past its phase of military might and moved into intellectual ventures. Transferring their old military research into betterment of the galaxy and all that.

They pick a showcase for tourists, since that’s what they are, and it’d be a big mess for sure if they tried to sneak into the top secret research facilities (which Mikey suspects they might end up breaking into anyway, at some point).

A lot of it goes way over Mikey’s head, but he’s alright with that for the most part. A laser beam works the same either way, even when you don’t understand exactly how it blows up stuff. All that really matters is the seriously sick laser show it creates.

Donnie makes a series of needy, high pitched noises at the end of the show; eyes shining as the demonstrators move on to the more technical part of things. Opening up the interior of the machines for those in the crowd with a head for that kind of thing, while all the normal folks start moving on to the next exhibition.

Mikey glances after the crowd, hearing distantly loud speakers in the ceiling tell visitors are welcome to witness another demonstration of technology- this one an aquatic vehicle, and involving a splash zone to get caught in.

Mikey fidgets a little, because that sounds really fun, but Donnie is still enamored with the speakers on stage. He wants to leave, but also not.

Donnie notices Mikey’s wistful glances, and grimaces sheepishly.

“Sorry for making you wait, this is just really interesting,” he says, rubbing his neck and looking awkward. Then Donnie offers, “You can go on ahead if you want.”

Mikey chews on that for a moment, and then says, “Nah. I’m good. Not like we haven’t seen stuff like that before.”

It would be neat to see the aquatic car thingy- plus get splashed during the demonstration, or be quick enough to not get splashed, that’s even better- but it would be more fun to do it with Donnie, instead of on his lonesome.

They don’t have much in common that’s fun for both of them, so. Why walk away from the chance to share something? Especially something that lifts all the stress that tends to sit on Donnie’s shoulders, and makes him smile like he had when they were younger, holding his first IPad with an intact screen.

Donnie scrutinizes Mikey for a brief moment, and then gives a small smile.

“Let’s move closer to the front,” he suggests with a tinge of giddy curiosity in his voice. “I might be able to copy some of it from memory later.”

“Sure,” Mikey agrees easily. “The Shellraiser would be like, twice as cool if we gave it lasers.”

“That’s the plan,” Donnie says, a glint in his eye. Mikey grins. Cool weapons are definitely something they can agree on.

They end up staying after each demonstration to hear the what’s what of things, and Mikey’s attention definitely wanders during them, but Donnie is focused intensely enough for the both of them. It evens out.

Plus, Donnie takes Mikey to the biggest, baddest, most epic theme park of three systems right after they’re done- just on the other side of the planet, how did Mikey miss that in the brochures- and then he is far too busy trying to ride every single ride possible to care about anything else.

It’s a good vacation spot. Loud, teeming with people, a bright sun hanging over their heads- they’ve seen plenty of this stuff on television, but never actually experienced walking through halls of valuable and ingenious inventions, rarely experienced the thrill of adrenaline that didn’t come from danger and certainly never experienced being pressed into a huge crowd, hundreds of people around them and not giving a second look their way.

It’s a good spot to stop, like the quiet freedom of the beach was. Miles and miles of untouched nature, not another soul to disturb them, and an endless sea they could swim in all they wanted. Just the two of them, all on their own, and for once an easy balance struck between them.

It’s good to see the lingering exhilaration in Donnie, once they leave that planet. Mikey almost interrupts a few times, a little bored but mostly just confused by all the scientific stuff Donnie is rambling about, but then he stops for a moment and looks at the bright excited smile his brother has, and just… doesn’t want it to stop.

Like it usually does, when someone tells him enough is enough and changes the conversation topic.

So Mikey keeps his mouth shut for the most part, and gives his best at trying to understand the things Donnie goes on about. He notices after a bit that Donnie tries to include him, bringing up potential redesigns to their cars and the lair’s facilities that Mikey could get interested in.

Donnie could’ve just kept on about the more complicated stuff, but he’s actively trying to make their conversation something Mikey can contribute to- which doesn’t often happen. It’s a little clumsy, faltering here and there as Donnie backtracks to water down the jargon, but that attempt at inclusion makes Mikey smile.

 ---

 Their ship breaks down after about seven different stops, and they have to pull over planetside to get into a repair shop. One thing leads to another, a wrench and fission torch end up in Donnie’s hands, and then he’s arm deep in the engine of their ship and drinking up every bit of information their mechanic gives him.

And there’s another three ships in the shop, all with totally different engine designs and aeronautic exteriors and Donnie wants to take every single one of them apart, haul every manual he can find into his lap, and commit the contents to his memory. He wants to spend time here even more than he did at the massive intergalactic library they visited, because tangible knowledge is even better than books.

But. That would take a few days, at least. Donnie is good, but he’s not good enough to get everything down like that in one night.

But he still desperately wants to- this is one of the nicest (and one of the very few) individuals he’s met that is willing to teach him something useful and interesting. He doesn’t want to depart before he can at least enjoy the experience.

Donnie is waiting for Mikey to start complaining about the time it’s taking to fix the ship, needle at Donnie for being a gearhead and a nerd and using up their precious vacation to learn boring stuff. But it hasn’t happened yet.

Mikey is alternating between sitting atop the ship, reading comics on the holopad, or messing around in the scrapyard surrounding the shop and traversing rusting piles of ships. He’s only stopped a few times to peer over Donnie’s shoulder, and every time Donnie expects his brother to finally start up, finally say “We’re just wasting time, come on Donnie,” he just… wanders off again.

The next time Mikey swings by, sliding down the side of the ship to hang above where Donnie is working on the engine- while their helpful and kind mechanic takes zir dinner break- Donnie chews his lip, and then asks.

“Aren’t you getting… impatient? Or something?” Donnie questions. Mikey cocks his head to the side, like a curious bird.

“No?” he says. “Why, are you?”

“No,” Donnie says, because how could he? “but… I thought maybe you’d… I dunno. Want to go do something else already?”

Mikey shrugs. “Nah. We’ve been on the go for a few days now; a rest is cool by me. ‘sides, you’re getting your nerd-on for all this- stuff,” he waves vaguely at the shop. “so I’m good to just hang out ‘til you’re done.”

“Oh,” Donnie says, blinking, taken a little aback. “You sure?”

“Sure am,” Mikey says, and clambers back up the side of the ship with a wave goodbye. Donnie is half certain his brother is going to double back, turn around with a “Gotcha!” and be kidding about what he’s said, but Mikey just jumps up into the rafters and goes exploring again.

Donnie scratches his head, but decides wondering is ultimately looking a gift horse in the mouth.

Mikey is patient the whole four days it takes for Donnie to be satisfied with his learnings, and barely fusses about anything the whole while. Donnie is a little disbelieving it’s actually happened, but largely touched for the gift of time and space.

 ---

 Mikey gets to choose the next destination after Donnie’s binge on spaceships, and he picks a planet made of softly glowing plant life and deep, fathomless seas.

It’s the seafood, in all honesty, that draws him. Mikey can’t help it- good food, like seriously good food, is so hard to come by. He gets teased for it by his brothers, but he can’t help his passion for food. Baking and cooking comes easy to him, and getting to experience space fine cuisine isn’t something he can pass up.

They end up combing through the smaller markets, where local fishermen- literally, with their scales gleaming- show their wares. Mikey trails his hands over the fins of large exotic looking fishes, takes cautious sniffs of fruit only found on this planet, and mourns he can’t take the time to try every single item for himself.

He expects sometimes for Donnie to complain about the smell of raw meat, or maybe about the stickiness of some patches on the market road, or about wandering in aimless circles and eating things. But he doesn’t.

Mikey is still cautious though, because as much as he really, really wants to take his time, he also doesn’t want to start a fight accidentally. Not when things are going so well, and they’re getting along so easily, and Donnie is still carrying himself with content gait he only gets when he’s accomplished something that makes him happy.

Until he gets to an open cookout, Mikey manages to keep himself from getting invested in anything. It doesn’t seem so much a cook-off, but instead a gathering of locals. Sharing food, showing off skills at a grill. Family things. Mikey’s hands twitch around an imaginary knife- wanting to get in there and let his translator do its thing, let him learn what these people are all talking about to each other.

But… that would take hours, and there’s no way…

Mikey glances at Donnie, hardly keeping his feet from dragging him right towards the gathering.

Donnie looks at him, bemused.

“What are you waiting for?” Donnie asks, smiling. “Go already.”

Mikey smiles brilliantly, and does.

He spends the rest of the afternoon, then evening, and then late evening enjoying the party of food. It’s a local holiday, it turns out. A time to share food and bounty from the sea, and pay tribute to their two sided ocean goddess. The one who provides and the one who takes, they tell him over a grill, three slices of seasoned fish on it.

Mikey focuses on the providing side of things, like the rest of the participants in the communal barbeque are. Whenever he glances towards Donnie, he finds his brother relaxing comfortably to the side of things. Reading, or maybe writing, on the holopad while locals mill around his spot at one of the many tables.

Mikey slides dish after dish in front of his brother on his quest to learn all of the local cooking tricks, and he is pleasantly surprised again and again that the plates are empty when he swings by next.

They don’t leave until the last vestiges do, wandering off into the ambient glow of the town around them. Donnie doesn’t complain even once about the long wait, and for that, Mikey is more than happy to share the last of the sweetly crispy desert he made.

 ---

 The wealth of planets they can visit never decreases, and even as they check off more and more things on their list, it never ends. Just keeps getting longer and longer, and it’s..

Incredible. The endlessness, the unlimited time, so much freedom.

After spending so many years, especially the years following their father’s death, in a world that felt too small and too crowded and just so hard to deal with some nights… it’s intoxicating in the best way.

Neither of them has felt this easily happy in years, if ever.

 ---

 “What if we just stayed out here forever?” Donnie hears Mikey whisper, sitting on the edge of their ship’s tail while they dock for a sleep cycle. They’re taking a moment to enjoy the endless swirl of stars and planets around their rest station, and Donnie doesn’t react with surprise at the suggestion.

Because in all honesty, he’s been thinking the same thing.

“Earth is our home,” he says, because that’s true. “and we said we’d go back already. We told our family we would.”

Mikey sighs, curling over his knees and resting his chin on them. “I know,” he says. “but…”

But what if? What if they never gave up this freedom? What if they kept going forever, taking what they needed and working for what they couldn’t get, seeing the edges of the universe and going farther. Never again boxed in by anything, or anyone. Not like on earth. Not like at home.

Donnie sighs, and leans back on his palms.

“We said we would,” he says eventually, because that’s all there really is to say. They will go back, one way or another, and how could they ever really stay away? No matter what, they couldn’t ever leave their family behind. Not forever.

Mikey seems to know that fact as well as Donnie does, and sighs a second time. As the quiet pause draws out, Donnie puts an arm around his brother’s shoulders; pulling him to his side. Mikey’s arm comes to rest around Donnie’s shell, and remains there with a loose grip.

They enjoy the view until their personal atmosphere filters start to let in the cold of space, and then head inside to sleep.

 ---

 Somewhere, after another dozen planets, they start talking. About home, about themselves. About how things are. About how they were, before war, before their father’s death, before growing up.

It’s not a bad conversation. But it’s not a good one, either. It fills up the space of their dark bedroom, laying on a large bed they’ve been sharing. Big, heavy… hard to think about…

It’s doesn’t feel good to talk about, but it doesn’t feel exactly bad, either. Feels like a long time coming, if they feel like being honest about stuff a little longer.

It’s okay, afterwards. Maybe even better.

They’re better for it.

 ---

 They go home, after another few weeks. With a ship full of souvenirs- all theirs, all things they got because they wanted to and could- and time spent in just each other’s company, it’s… easy to go home. Easy to land the ship in one of the many warehouses that the military and the Utrom share, and disembark with all their gotten (and stolen) booty.

They feel steadier. Better connected. Things are exactly perfect per say, but its better now. They understand each other better. They feel closer for their vacation.

And like the saying says, walking back into their home is a swell of fond emotion. Space is huge and endless and full of possibilities, but this is where they grew up. Where they became who they are, for better or worse, and the feeling being enclosed in a too small space is absent.

Their brothers greet them with a range of emotions. Relief they came back- happiness they’re unharmed- upset they did this so out of the blue- kind of pissed off they didn’t invite anyone else- and ultimately resigned, but somewhat fond and amused, grievance about the whole thing.

Donnie exchanges a glance with Mikey, who grins mischievously.

“You know…” Donnie starts, interrupting the barrage of questions and thinly veiled scolding.

“Maybe you guys should try taking a vacation sometime, too,” Mikey finishes for him, and just grins at the sudden silence from their family.

Donnie puts their holopad into Leo’s hands, information on screen about the start-up sequence to the engine controls. Mikey passes Raph a physical notebook, containing info about all the places they visited.

“It’d probably do you guys a world of good,” Donnie says cheekily, and they both have to laugh at the truly baffled looks on their brother’s faces.

Commission info & Kofi link.

[rafespeaks]

U BET I WANNA HEAR ABOUT ASTRONAUT MAY AND TRANS BRENDAN AND SPOOPY MUTE DAWN AND TORI AND SERENA AND ALL THE REST SO: Music, Dawn, Clothes, Colorful, Long

Since u didn’t specify who for each prompt, I’mma them in the order of what u mentioned.

Music - May

“Do they have any music where you’re from…?”

It wasn’t a question she expected an answer to, but she stared up at the alien Pokemon regardless. It had been several months since she’d saved the planet from a massive meteor. Since then she’d only grown more and more curious about it and where it had come from. Unfortunately, it never seemed to understand her… Or, if it did, it chose not to respond in the slightest. It simply stared at her with that slightly unnerving gaze…

“You know - like this!”

She tapped away on her phone, coming up with an upbeat collection of audio clips assembled into a cheery tune. It had gone viral a couple years ago, and rightfully so - it was always fun to listen to.

She held her phone up for Deoxys to see, beaming as the song played through. Deoxys had heard music before, she was sure. How could it not have? There was music practically everywhere - at Pokemon Contests, in stores, playing in the lobby of Pokemon Centers, playing out from her phone whenever things got too quiet for her liking… But this time, something unusual happened.

Deoxys leaned forward, watching the blipping buttons flash in time with the music. After perhaps a minute, it uttered a low, trilling cry… and the next thing May knew, she had an aurora in her bedroom.

She gaped, staring up at the shifting lights in utter awe as they pulsated to match the song’s rhythm.

She’d never seen this behavior from Deoxys before… It wasn’t an attack, either. She knew all of its attacks. So what…?

All too soon, the song ended. Deoxis blinked, and the aurora faded in an instant.

Slowly, a smile curled up the corner of May’s mouth.

She was learning more and more about this strange Pokemon every day…

Dawn - Brenda(n)

Brenda sighed folding her arms behind her head. Just a few short hours ago, she’d participated in a contest, commanding her Pokemon on stage with a confidence she couldn’t hope to match in her everyday life. She hadn’t worked up the courage to tell her family she was trans. She had very few friends to share her moment of realization with. And the one friend who knew now had found out by complete accident.

She’d been competing on stage, having a grand time of it… until she spotted May in the audience. May had a funny look on her face - as though she was thinking too hard about a solution to a puzzle she didn’t fully understand. Just the sight of her had tripped Brenda up, and consequently her Pokemon a moment later. That was probably what caused May’s moment of realization. She could see her eyes blow wide and her mouth gape open a little. But her performance had been far from over, so she’d had to wrap things up and rush out.

Needless to say, an awkward conversation ensued once May caught up. But things had turned out for the better in the end…

She just wasn’t so sure her parents would be understanding, too. And the contests on top of that… They’d be shocked that ‘he’ was not a ‘he’ and she wasn’t interested in research and population data and fieldwork and the like… She loved contests. She wanted to make a career out of it. If she could do it forever… she’d be happy…

… Perhaps tomorrow. Perhaps tomorrow was finally the day she would tell them. Yes, for sure. It had to be tomorrow…! No more delays! No more feeling disheartened and downtrodden every single time she was misgendered by her own family! No more lies!

With a strange mix of sickness and determination in her gut, she reached over to turn off the bedside lamp. But as it clicked off, the room didn’t darken nearly as much as she thought it would.

Oh… It was dawn… She’d stayed up all night…

… Technically, ‘tomorrow’ had arrived. But… had it really? She’d decided on ‘tomorrow’ just a few seconds ago. So really, that gave her all of today to prepare and enjoy the safety in silence…

It could always wait until tomorrow…

Clothes - Dawn

Dawn frowned softly, fidgeting with the collar of her new dress. She disliked doing anything without her favorite scarf, but she couldn’t very well wear it to a contest like this. Especially when her mother had gone to the trouble of buying her an outfit as nice as this.

A bell chimed out. Five minutes until the contest started.

Her frown deepened a little and she reached back to adjust her bow. Prince, her Empoleon, chirruped beside her. In an instant, her expression flipped and she beamed up at him. No need to worry - she was fine. After all, they were only making a simple debut in their first contest ever. Not a big deal. She’d fed her Pokemon plenty of poffins, practiced the different segments over and over again, and even made sure to enter the contest type that played to her Pokemon’s strengths. It was only a matter of putting things all together…

Prince chirruped again.

She just… needed to relax. No good would come of stressing herself out like this. And even if things didn’t go well, that was fine. Her mother hadn’t won her first contest either. No matter what happened, she had to have faith that Joanne would be proud regardless…

She smoothed down her dress one last time, taking a deep breath.

“One minute until Visual Competition start!”

This was it. She grinned, flashing Prince a competitive look. His chest puffed up with confidence.

“Let’s go show them what we’re made of!” the Empoleon crowed.

Dawn nodded fiercely. A timer had started.

Five. Four. Three. Two. One…!

Colorful - Tori

Nimbasa City was one of the most colorful, blindingly bright cities Tori had ever seen. When she first came here, she’d been dazzled and excited and ready to try anything. The Big Stadium and Small Court were right up her alley! The Battle Subway was phenomenal, and the Battle Institute was much the same, but had the added bonus of being a smaller challenge for when people didn’t have the time for a long train ride! Not to mention, the amusement park! Oh, Elesa’s roller-coaster gym had given her such a thrill when she’d challenged it! But now…

She sighed, looking down on the city’s twinkling lights as the Rondez-View Ferris Wheel brought her higher and higher. Her only regret whenever she did this was that the attendants wouldn’t allow single people to take a whole compartment to themselves - she was required to pair up with someone each time. She’d come here so often now that she’d actually gotten to know a few of the regulars. But days like this, she simply… wasn’t in the mood to talk.

She remembered the very first time she’d been on this ferriswheel. N had taken her up, marveling at the mechanics of it before spilling a shocking secret - he was the appointed ‘king’ of Team Plasma.

She had to wonder where he was now. She’d searched everywhere she could possibly think to go in Unova. Had he left the region, then? It was possible. But he was so naive and impressionable… What was he going to do out there? How was he going to take care of himself? Live off the land and do his little… Pokemon Whisperer shit? All it took was one overly territorial Pokemon that he believed he could talk down. Sure, he had Zekrom’s protection, but…

… She had to find him. If only to be sure he was doing okay on his own. If she stood by and did nothing and he turned up dead…

Decision made, she stormed out of the ferriswheel the moment her compartment was opened up. It didn’t matter if she had to search the whole world over - she would find him. And when she did… maybe she could convince him to let her help him. To come back to Unova. To trust people…

Long - Serena

Serena had started to think her struggle against Team Flare would never end. It had been a long, hard road since she first left home and began her Pokemon journey. Since then, she’d changed so much she hardly recognized herself anymore. She’d changed her clothes. She’d changed her hair. She’d changed her battle strategies. She’d changed her views on battles and Pokemon relationships. But as much as she’d changed and as long as her struggles had lasted, nothing could compare to the hardships Az had suffered through.

3,000 years was a long time to wait and struggle through the world’s hardships… And to do that without a friend in the world, knowing the only one you had left because you did something terrible? She couldn’t imagine it…

She didn’t know what she would’ve done without her own Pokemon. It was funny - she’d spent the majority of her life without any Pokemon around but Rhyhorn and Fletchling. But now, she couldn’t imagine life without her beloved teammates. It hadn’t even been a year yet, but it still seemed so long ago…

Hopefully the good times would last far into the future.