#teach the youngest. a child. to play guitar. and they ended up stuck together | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pinkydec · 4 years

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Parum Stella

Summary: The three times the stars in Reggie's eyes went out and the one time they came back forever.

Pairing: So there’s referenced Willie/Alex and Julie/Luke but nothing set in stone

Warning; Angst, mentioned child abuse, depression, suicidal thoughts, there is some fluff tho, canon character death, death of grandparents

AN/ parum stella translates to little star! (i’m not fluent in latin so this maybe incorrect.

Words: 6140.

The stars had always been his and his grandad’s thing. His grandad used to tell the story of when he was first born, the stars twinkled like no other as his mum and dad took him home from the hospital. It was like a new star had been born and that the stars were twinkling in celebration. Every summer from the first year he was born till just after his twelfth birthday he would spend with his grandparents on their ranch.

It wasn’t that his mum and dad weren’t unfit to be parents at that point, they just worked so much that he would always have babysitters round and when his grandparents found out they made a deal with his parents that he would spend every summer and spring break with them. His first summer he was only a few months old when he first went to the ranch, his grandmother told him a few years later that he clocked on to one of the horses and cried when they tried moving him away.

Summers were fun on the ranch, a lot more fun than it was being stuck at home in his bedroom trying to hide away from his parent’s arguments. He would spend all day helping his grandad with the animals, making sure that all of them were clean, fed and had plenty of water down. He taught him to horse ride, starting him off with an American Shetland Pony which he nicknamed Boo, when he was younger because he couldn’t pronounce the ponies full first name.

He named every single animal on the ranch, making sure to do a drawing of each individual animal on the farm, noting the differences that only he could tell on the drawings. After working on the farm all day, his grandad would bring him outside, wrapped up in his blanket with a cup of hot cocoa his grandmother had made as a reward for his hard work through the day.

They’d sit on the steps of the ranch, him curled into his grandads’ side, seeking the warmth as the coldness of the night began to sit down. His grandad, an ex-astronaut who had to retire after an injury training while he was training for Apollo 11, would point out all of the stars, passing his knowledge of the constellations and facts about the solar system and Reggie’s young mind soaked it all in.

His grandad was his best friend. He loved his grandmother to pieces, but, growing up each summer he followed his grandad around like a lost puppy. He hung of every single word that came out his older relatives’ mouth and unlike his parents who would’ve yelled at him to shut up and go away, his grandad loved it. He took him around everywhere, teaching him how to milk the cows and brush the horses correctly.

Every single time his grandad had to go to town he took Reggie with him. He was right there with his side, which helped his grandad when he was trying to sell products from the farm, because everyone loved this puppy eyed little boy that would chew your ear off if you gave him the chance to. Everyone knew him as the little assistant who arrived each summer and seemed to gleam with brightness whenever he spoke to someone, the glittering of his eyes almost matching the glittering of the stars he loved so much.

Most children his age would hate being away from their friends and their parents for that long, but Reggie thrived off it. He’d arrive back home a few days before the school term started, the brightness in his eyes seeming to be turned up to another level, full of stories ready to be told and those first few weeks he was back he was riding on a high.

Leaving the ranch was always hard though, he was so attached both to his grandparents and the animals of the ranch. He made sure in his last few days to go around saying goodbye to each and every one of them and giving them a treat. The first day he was home would be one of the saddest days of the year and both Alex and Luke, his best friends since they were in pre-school knew not to bother him on that day, he was grieving the happy atmosphere he got at his grandparents ranch and trying to prepare himself ready for his parents arguing all the time.

His biggest helpers in cheering him up from the next day were both Luke and Alex. The three of them were inseparable, having not seen each other as a three for a full summer. They spent their last remaining days before school started again with each other. They played on the beach together, they went for bike rides and traded stories of their summer, the laughter and happiness bright in their eyes.

The summer of their eighth year, they all made a pact that they’d start learning an instrument, so they could join the elementary school music programme. Reggie swapped between piano and banjo, something both his grandparents had taught him, his grandmother would play piano most of the evenings he was there and she was soon teaching him and his grandad had been playing banjo on off for years, Luke had started with piano himself, the two of them comparing notes they had from the summer together when they were reunited. Alex had started with a basic drum set, but he was killing it.

They kept developing their skills further and further as they went up to middle school, and then just two weeks before he was due to go to his grandparents for the summer between the sixth and seventh grade, his grandparents were killed in a fire at the ranch, destroying majority of the property and for the first time in his life, the stars in Reggie’s eyes died.

By the time Reggie was 17, the stars were back. They were brighter than ever before. His grandparents passing hit him hard and it took a while for him to be able to look at the stars again, whenever night-time hit in the summer he would shrink into himself and go quiet. He also refused to touch either piano or banjo for two years. The memories were so tightly wound inside of him, the music flowing as he sat next to his nana on the piano, giggles flowing out of the youngest of the three as his grandfather danced around the piano, strumming the banjo.

He wouldn’t be who is now without them. It took time, but from help from Luke and Alex and their new friend Bobby, he regained his strength and was able to look at the stars once again. Stars which once again brought him comfort and a warmth in his chest, rather than the agony and heartache which blossomed across his chest for the first year after they died.

About six months after his grandparents passed away, his music teacher sat him down and spoke to him about what he wanted to, because as much as Alex and Luke had been trying to get him to play piano or play the banjo, it just wasn’t happening. He just couldn’t do it without seeing his grandparents. So, his music teacher suggested he started a new instrument. Which he did. He started learning bass guitar and he fell in love with music again.

They met Bobby when he moved schools at the start of high school. He’d been expelled from his last school for trying to protect his friend, so he joined the school not knowing anyone. The three of them ended up talking to him when they were in music and he ended up joining the friendship group. They carried on playing and decided to start writing and playing music together, even though they could only currently afford to play at school, Alex had persuaded his parents to buy him a set of drums for his birthday and they were held in Bobby’s garage and Bobby had his own guitar but neither Luke or Reggie had their own guitars, Luke’s parents refused to buy him one as they believed he should be concentrating on his school work and the one time Reggie asked his parents if he could get one, he ended up in hospital getting stitches from a glass being chucked his way.

Reggie soon managed to pick up a weekend job, babysitting Alex’s younger siblings twice a week. Only it wasn’t really a job to him, he loved hanging out with the kids, and Alex to an extent. He fell back in love with stars one October night when he was babysitting them. Alex’s younger sister Alice was fast asleep upstairs, when Alex’s younger brother Adam snuck downstairs and joined both of them sat on the porch, watching the stars, cuddled in between them both.

Adam started pointing out the different stars, which for once were visible and as Reggie began explaining all of them, he fell back in love. He pictured not that long ago when it was him and his grandad sat there, in the exact same position and It was that moment he knew, as long as he kept his love for the stars up, his grandparents memories would always be with him.

Little did he see his best friends fond gaze as his eyes lit up with happiness explaining to the youngest boy about the different constellations. Alex knew his best friend had struggled coming to terms with his grandparents passing and that he lost part of himself when they died, but as his best friend explained it all to his little brother, the passion and the part of him that he’d been lost since that horrible summer day fell back into place.

Nothing could ever bring Reggie’s grandparents back, but they could keep their memories alive. He was hooked again, and it showed. The happiness bled into his music as well and their practices became more vibrant and blooming with colour, them ignoring the fact that Reggie’s parents were arguing more than ever, that Alex’s wouldn’t speak to him unless Reggie was round babysitting, Luke’s were constantly on his back about college and Bobby’s were constantly at work.

It also got better when they surprised Luke with an acoustic guitar for his 17th birthday, Reggie had been getting more and more babysitting jobs thanks to Alex’s parents spreading the word and between him, Alex and Bobby they were able to cough up the money for it. Reggie was also able to buy his own bass guitar and they were able to start rehearsing in Bobby’s garage and attending gigs.

The happiness was flowing out of Reggie and into the other boys, expanding further when they got the call to say they were playing the Orpheum, it was hard to keep them calm in the weeks leading up to it. They just vibrated through life, it was like nothing else mattered besides that, it was the first step to the rest of their lives.

The night before they were due to play the Orpheum, the four of them clambered into Bobby’s van, the oldest of the group had got his licence first and drove them all to a field. It was late at night, but it was the best spot to see the stars. They’d organised a band night under the stars. A sense of normality before their lives changed for good.

It was rare at times to see the stars, the light pollution often hiding them from view. They’d come to this exact same spot the day Bobby got the van, the day they could really start going to gigs. Everything was going to change then, and everything was going to change now. It was everything they’d ever wanted, and it was within arms-reach.

They were laying side by side, Alex and Luke on the outside, Bobby, and Reggie on the inside, staring straight up at the stars. The soft breeze washing over them as the stars twinkled up above them and for a band who was usually so loud, it was silent. It was a peaceful silent though, the sort where you’re just enjoying one another’s company without having to start a conversation.

Reggie’s eyes were trailed on one particular star, not taking his eyes off it. “My grandad always swore we’d end up playing a gig one day.” He muttered, his eyes twinkling fondly. He could feel the others turning to look at him for a second, before turning back to the sky. “It’s like everything he ever taught me is coming down to tomorrow, I wouldn’t be who I am without him.”

The three boys around him, cuddled in closer to him, their arms tangling around each other, huddling in for the comfort they all knew. They’d been working their asses off to get to this point. Luke’s arm reaching over Bobby’s shoulder to run his hand through Reggie’s hair, from where he was cuddled into Bobby’s side. “They’d be proud of you, Reg.” Alex whispered, his hand curling around the other boys, trying to get as close as possible.

The band had always been affectionate, whether it was simple arm brushes or hair ruffling or side hugs, but it wasn’t often they got as affectionate as this. It was usually when one of them wasn’t feeling great or something had happened at home.

Luke half propped himself up on one elbow, turning to look at the three of them with fond eyes, his eyes tearing up slightly, as he looked at every single one of them. “Tomorrow. Tomorrow we’re going to play the biggest gig of career and it’s going to change everything for us, and I couldn’t imagine doing it without you guys. You’re my best friends. Each one of you is a part of my soul, my boys.”

The stars in Reggie’s eyes twinkled as tears built up in the corner of his eyes, trying to wrap his arms around his boys, trying to bring them in even closer. “I couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone else, you’re my family, the people I rely on the most, the people I’d go through hell and back for.” Reggie burrowed his head in Bobby’s chest, as Alex tucked his head in Reggie’s neck, Luke crowding them in even closer, so they were essentially just a pile of limbs tangled together.

Bobby leant down to press a soft kiss to each of their foreheads, he ignored the gut feeling in his stomach that something was going to happen, just not what they expected it to be. They stayed like that until it was the moment to go, curled up as one under the stars. It was only when Reggie, who was usually the one who got cold the quickest, started shivering that they detangled from one another.

Alex detangled himself from Reggie first, holding his hand out to the younger boy after he was stood up. Reggie grabbed hold of the offered hand, pushing himself up, Luke and Bobby doing the exact same on the other side. The three older boys started heading towards the car, but Reggie lagged back, calling their names softly as he stood looking at the stars still.

“Come dance with me!” He called, holding his hands out to the others with a bright grin and who were the others to deny that grin. That dopy, crooked grin that brought them so much happiness of the years. As soon as the three others were back in touching distance, he threw his head back and began to sing, a grin appearing across his face.

Home, what is it really?

Sometimes it’s a someone and not a place,

It’s that feeling of being safe,

It’s about who you’re with at the end of the day…

He began spinning the others round, throwing his arms around them as they danced under the stars, not caring that they were getting mud everywhere. His eyes shone happily as they danced around, pumping the three others up whether he knew it or not, his happiness was infectious. When Reggie was seriously happy like he was here, it showed, and it was hard to be down in the dumps around him.

He gathered the three boys close as he grew closer to the end of the song, tugging them all in for a giant hug, their heads pressed together in the middle as pants slipped through their lips, as Reggie sung the last lyric, changing it from before. “and it’s you. You’re home.” He sung softly, grinning brightly at the three others, his arms wrapped around both Luke and Bobby, his fingertips grazing Alex’s shoulder.

The four of them stood there for a few minutes, just embracing each other, and embracing their family. Before the heavens opened and drenched them. They raced back to the van, shoving each other over to try and get in the van first, before breaking out in peals of laughter, shaking the rain off them as Bobby started the van back up.

The stars shone in their eyes that night, but little did they know less than 24 hours later, a mere few hours before they were supposed to play the biggest gig of their life, their lives would change and not for the reason they were all expecting. and Reggie, whose stars had disappeared once before thought it was quite ironic, as he strained his neck trying to see the stars one last time from where he was laid on the floor, Alex and Luke who both had blood dripping from their mouths and nose, begging him to hold on, that the ambulance was on it’s way.

But Reggie knew. He knew they wouldn’t get there in time, he knew that it was more than likely his best friends would die as well. It was a shame. He couldn’t see the stars from here, and as his eyes glazed over for one last time, and the stars in his eyes died for a second time, a single thought popped in his head.

Little stars coming home grandad.

If dying was weird, then being a ghost was a hundred times weirder. He died first, he knew that one for sure, but he ended up waking back up in an ambulance a few minutes after, where he was joined by Luke and then Alex a few moments after. Poor Alex had to watch them both die by the time he finally died.

After Alex died, they were transported to the black room, where he could hear Alex crying but couldn’t get to him, it was strange. Alex sounded like he was an arms width away, but Reggie physically couldn’t get to him, his arms and legs just wouldn’t move. It smelt weird in the room, it didn’t smell of death like he expected it to, but it smelt like sadness and sorrow.

Luke was on the other side of him, he could tell that much for sure, he could smell his aftershave amongst the weird smell within the room and it’s the only thing that kept him from crying his eyes out. He physically couldn’t reach Luke either. Reggie tilted his head back against the black wall, closing his eyes as he wished that Bobby was okay.

As much as their oldest member of the band tried acting like he was strong and never cried, he was one of the softest people you’d ever meet and he loved his boys more than anything else in the world and losing them had probably broke Bobby more than anything else in the world. In some ways, he was glad that Bobby didn’t come with them to get hot dogs, so that he could live a happy and healthy life, get married, become famous and do everything they ever wanted to do in life.

Being a ghost was weird. That one was for sure, being a ghost in a band where people could only see you if you were performing? Well that was just even weirder. He wouldn’t change it for the world though, he loved Julie and he loved performing. Alex was finding happiness with Willie and everyone could see that Luke was pining heavily over Julie.

Reggie, well, Reggie was just happy being at least semi-alive, sure his family home had been destroyed and replaced and he had no clue whether anyone from his family was even alive anymore. But his friends were happy and that meant he was happy, right? The truth is he had no clue, he ended up poofing around the city a lot, trying to find the best places to stargaze.

He didn’t have anyone, his best friends were busy and of course he was happy for them, but he missed them. He missed Bobby, who apparently now went by Trevor and was old(er) and had a daughter and stole Luke’s music. Sometimes, he’d just go to Bobby’s, he wouldn’t tell the others instead he’d just tell them he’s searching for his family, but he’d go sit in with Bobby. Luke wouldn’t understand, he was still too angry over everything and Alex probably wouldn’t understand properly.

He kept a smile on his face, something he’d mastered back when he was alive, if the others had focused long enough, they would’ve noticed it had become fake and that the stars in his eyes had diminished. They were just busy. They were always busy. Just like his mum and dad were at first.

One of the good things about being a ghost was that he could poof wherever he wanted to. He saw a video of the northern lights in Iceland and within two minutes of him wishing he was there he was physically there. He could lay down and watch them for hours without getting cold or needing to go inside to use the toilet or to eat.

It was at those moments when he felt the most peace, he felt free. He had nothing restricting him, he wasn’t under pressure to rehearse with the band or put up a smile when all he want to do was cry, he just got to breathe and be at peace with the same stars which had brought him so much happiness over the years.

He ran away at one point. It was not long after they first met Caleb, when they had the first shock. Alex was out with Willie, trying to understand what had happened and Luke was writing songs with Julie in the garage and Reggie just poofed on top of Mauna Kea. He couldn’t take being there anymore, there was too much sadness and too much pain and he couldn’t take it.

When he eventually went back, he’d near enough got his ass kicked by the others. He only thought he’d been gone for a few hours at max, when in fact he’d been gone for three days. Three days and his best friends had gone mental with worry, thinking either Caleb’s shocks had got him for good, or that he’d completed his unfinished business and they hadn’t got a chance to say goodbye.

His boys meant the world to him, they always had. They were his family, through thick and thin. They’d died together, just mere minutes apart and honestly, Reggie thought they were going to cross over together as well. But then they played the Orpheum and honestly, it felt like a fever dream, the one thing they’d always wanted to do, ever since they were kids messing about making music.

But everything changed. They didn’t crossover and Reggie had never been more confused. He could touch Julie now; Ray and Carlos could see him at times. (That one was a fun one to explain to Ray at least, Carlos was just happy that he could see them). Willie and Alex spent more and more time together, the drummer coming back late at night, and besides band practice, it was likely he never saw them anymore. Luke and Julie swapped between writing songs in the garage and spending time together when they weren’t practicing. It was like everyone else in the band was cracking on with their lives and Reggie, well Reggie felt like he was left in the dust.

He didn’t know anyone else and he didn’t want to bug Ray by spending all his time with him, so he went exploring. He went everywhere he could, he went to volcanos and let himself go diving in the lava, just to see what it felt like, it’s not like it would actually kill him. And after treating the lava like his own personal swimming pool because why the fuck not, he’d lay on the edge of the crater and just lay there, one hand behind his head and look up at the stars.

He didn’t see the concerned glances behind his head, after he bailed out on another plan the band had tried to organise. He didn’t see the frown on Luke’s face as they did their usual mic share and the lights didn’t shine like they did. He didn’t see the group meetings they called, getting everyone together; Luke, Alex, the Molina’s, Flynn, Willie, near enough everyone in their group. They even went as far as checking in with Bobby.

Nobody knew what was wrong with him, it’s like he’d hidden away all his thoughts and feelings, to the point where he was a shell of himself. The others were constantly concerned, concerned that he’d cross over on his own or that he’d go and join Caleb, that they’d never see him again or know what happened to him.

So, they set a plan in place. The stars in his eyes had faded again and it was their job to get them back. No matter what.

+1)

Reggie was completely oblivious to the plan his friends were putting in place. He spent most of his days wondering different sections of the Earth. He’d been swimming with penguins, he’d been to the biggest library in the world, he went to different planetariums around the world, trying his hardest to find happiness or find his way to crossover.

The thought of crossing over alone didn’t scare him anymore. Why would being alone scare him when he’d always been alone? He followed random people on his journeys, watching their lives, how their eyes twinkled when they were with the people, they cherished the most. He wanted that, more than anything else in the world.

For once in his life he just wanted to be wanted. For someone to hold his hand and tell him everything’s going to be okay. He’d always had someone else, ever since he was younger. He didn’t have his parents, but he had his grandparents and then after they died, he had the band. Only now he didn’t, and it broke his heart.

He didn’t even know what day it was at this point, the days just blended together, all into one. He’d spend a day in one country, pop home to check on the Molina’s and his boys, do band practice and then pop to another country. It was a cycle he couldn’t get out of. He didn’t want to see the pity in their eyes for Reggie, the left over one.

He popped back one Thursday evening, he only knew what day it was because his most recent follow, was an English university student, who only had lectures on a Thursday and a Tuesday. She was a fun one to follow, purely because they were in similar states, she was far away from home at university and was often pushed aside. Even though she couldn’t see him, he’d taken a soft spot for her.

The lights were all off in the garage for once, which was strange on a good day. Even if they didn’t have practice that day, the lights were usually on as at least once person was usually in the garage. But this time there was complete and utter silence and he didn’t like it one bit. He flicked the light on, blinking as his bandmates appeared in front of the piano, almost like they’d been waiting for him to come back.

“Guys?” He questioned, looking back between Luke and Alex with a slight frown on his face. “What’s going on?” Alex’s face relaxed slightly, storming towards the shorter boy, before pulling him into his arms. “You were late for the check in time.” Was the only answer the taller boy gave, shoving his face into the younger’s hair, taking a deep breathe in to confirm that he was there.

Reggie felt another pair on arms join in on the hug, a somehow warm body pressing himself into his side. The three of them just standing there in the middle of the garage, not wanting to release from the hug. Alex was the first to step back, wiping his face roughly, to rid himself of the few tears that had dripped down his face.

Luke didn’t let go of Reggie that easily, he broke the hug only to wrap his arm around the slightly younger boys’ shoulder, bringing him to sit down on the couch, between Alex and himself. The tension between the three of them was almost unbearable, both Alex and Luke turning slightly towards Reggie, both of them having a mental battle about who would start the conversation first.

In the end, Luke just went for it, grabbing onto one of the younger boys’ hands and linking it with his own. He gave it a tight squeeze as he began to speak. “I don’t know what’s been going through your head recently, Bug, but you need to let us in.” Alex took his right hand in his own and repeated Luke’s actions, while still giving him space, not wanting to overwhelm him.

“We know you’ve been travelling, Reg, but we miss you.” Alex whispered, like if he spoke too loudly it would disturb the peace within the garage. “It feels like we haven’t seen you in weeks and every time we try and speak to you, you pull away a bit further.”

Reggie just continued looking at his feet, knowing that the moment he looked at the two boys surrounding him, he’d open his mouth and let everything he felt slip straight out of his mouth. Unluckily, he didn’t have that option, Luke used two fingers to lift the others chin up, looking him straight in the eye. Those wide hazel eyes, which could have him spilling his secrets in minutes.

“You’re not okay. Don’t try and tell us you are, because we know you’re not and we want to help, Reg.” They were pushing, but not pushing enough to overwhelm him and it was at that moment that Reggie realised just how well his best friends knew him. They always had known him better than he knew himself.

Reggie took a shuddering breathe in, not that he actually needed to be able to breathe, but more to prepare himself for the fact once he started talking, he’d never stop. His emotions were so tightly wound inside of him and as Alex used to say, he wore his heart on his sleeve. He tore his eyes down to his lap again and Luke let him, instead waiting for the younger boy to start.

“I just, I feel so along at times.” He whimpered softly, bringing his knees up to his chest, resting his chin on his knees, as he felt his best friends shift a little bit, to squish him between them. “Alex has Willie and you have Jules and I just, I missed my best friends. I love Julie and Willie, I really do and I’m glad they make you happy, because that’s all I’ve ever wanted in life, for you two to be happy and to find peace in your lives.”

The tears which had been brimming in his eyes for the past few minutes had started to drip down his face and into the material of his jeans. “I just, I got so used to being the person that nobody wanted, my parents didn’t want me, you guys didn’t want me and that you guys were happier without me.” He took a shuddering breath in, refusing to look at either as he uttered the last words, tears dripping down his face even heavier.

“I thought you’d be better with me gone.”

The two sudden intakes of breathe would haunt Reggie for the next few weeks, the shock and horror behind them, as both the others tightened their grips on his hands, before Alex knelt down Infront of him, the blondes eyes tracing across his face, before pulling him into a tight hug, pressing Reggie’s head into his neck.

“Don’t you ever, ever fucking say that.” He whispered harshly, tears dripping down his own face. The horror was visible across Luke’s face as he stared at the two of them in disbelief. “Our lives wouldn’t be worth living if you were gone. We’ve been in this together from the start, us three against the world, way before Bobby, way before poisonous hot dogs and ghosts and crushes.”

Luke who had remained quiet since the admission, tangled his arms around them both. “You’re never alone, Bug. You’ve always got us, you’ve always had us, and you always will, even after we’ve crossed over, we’ll always be together, even if we’re apart.” The three of them were crying, the emotions they’d all had bundled up since they died coming loose and open.

“I love you guys.” Reggie whispered, his eyes twinkling, even with tears streaming down his face, the stars were back, still a bit faded, but they were back. Just like they liked.

“We love you too, more than you would ever know.” Luke nuzzled Reggie’s head, pressing a soft kiss to the younger boy’s forehead, before Alex repeated the action to both of them. The three of them stayed there wrapped up in each other, taking comfort in them all just being there, being with one another.

One by one they fell asleep, still tangled together. For that night nothing could disturb them. Julie woke them up after she got home from school, running and diving on them, wrapping her arms around as much of the three ghosts as she could manage. She’d been worried sick the night before, but both Alex and Luke had sent her to bed just before midnight when she could barely contain the yawns escaping her.

It was at that moment that Reggie knew he was home. He always thought the stars were his home, after all, they’d brought him so much comfort and joy over the years, but, at that exact moment, he knew they were his home. Julie who helped bring music back into their lives, to achieve their goals. Willie who made Alex the happiest that Reggie had ever seen, who helped him accept his own sexuality as well. Flynn, who would constantly keep them happy and entertained when they were down. Carlos who Reggie adored like a little brother, that he’d do anything to keep the smile on the young boy’s face. Ray, who he loved like a dad, who loved his little brother and sister like his world depended on it.

Luke, joyful, precious, happy Luke. His best friend, the boy that would protect him from anything if he had the option. Luke would walk through fire if it meant that the people, he loved were happy. Alex who would constantly crack them up laughing with his sarcastic comments, but loved with his whole entire heart, that took care of them when they were sad or feeling down, who had plasters and bandages in his bag, ready to take care of them if their dumbasses got injured again. Bobby, who even though he stole the bands songs, was one of the kindest people you’d ever meet, he lost everything the day the three of them died and still carried on living, when most others would have given up.

He loved them.

And they loved him, more than he would ever know.

So, it was no surprise when Reggie crossed over a few weeks later, the stars in his eyes glittering brightly, as he hugged his best friends, told Willie and Julie to take care of his boys, waved at Flynn, Carlos, Ray and Bobby. He went covered in his best friend’s love, he could feel Alex’s arms around his waist, Luke’s around his shoulders. He went knowing he was loved that he’d never be alone, no matter what. It was that moment, Reggie Peters found peace.

Little star went home for one last time.

#reggie peters #julie and the phantoms #luke patterson #bobby wilson #trevor wilson #alex mercer #julie molina #jatp fanfic #reggie centric #ally's fic #trigger warning!!

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pandemonivms-blog · 6 years

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⋆ ◦ ° ☾ garrett hedlund + cismale + he/his — have you seen rider lorne? they sure have been hanging out at the volstead a lot recently. they are a thirty-six year old known as the falling tower, and they currently work for the cobras as security, which they’ve been doing for two weeks. a heterosexual taurus, they are affable + charming, as well as unpredictable + explosive. the smell of whiskey, sweat after a long day’s labor, a heavy new orlean’s accent.

triggers for: mental illness, sexual assault, alcoholism, violence

in 1982 down in the outskirts of new orleans, rider lorne was met with the stern face of his war veteran father and the disconnected hands of his mother. an older brother barely shielded him from what was to come in the future and two and four years later came his baby sisters. life wasn’t necessarily easy for the lorne children. rider learned early on that his father suffered severe ptsd from his war tours and had himself convinced that he didn’t need any form of help or assistance to manage it. the lorne children ( and their mother ) were regularly battered for misgivings in the home, be they smaller infractions like forgetting to shut a light of in a room when you were done or larger scale instances like breaking something valuable or coming home too late.

childhood consisted of rider learning how to visit the heavy-laden tourist traps of his home city and picking the pockets of people too stupid to watch their things. the children were rewarded with what they could find, and if you ask rider will tell you that to this day he isn’t sure what his father did for work to keep their family afloat. his mother was always home drinking herself to death and his father would disappear from 6 am to 8 pm every day ( except weekends ). it seemed as if the children’s thieving hobby was what kept their family thriving for as long as it happened. the school system regularly sent home reports of how terrible the lorne children were in behavior and grades and it was celebrated whenever one of them bullied someone badly enough for it to be reported.

it was in essence that the lorne family seemed to disdain outsiders. they served a purpose much like cattle did on a farm ------ they either produced precious goods for sale or they were slaughtered and eaten ... outsiders either served as a means to con or to eventually wed off and breed in some other hole in the wall like what the lorne family lived in.

rider’s own explosive behavior is credited to starting as far back as eight years old and never around his father. temper tantrums that would have him losing his mind and destroying things beyond any recognizable condition, rider even once broke his own brother’s arm in three separate places when the older sibling attempted to step in and stop rider from the beating he was sure to receive. and did rider ever receive a beating for that. it was never an experience that he learned to control in his youth, and the triggers for his episodes often came with behaviors he couldn’t track or control, but over time they lessened in severity. or so he thought.

for the longest time rider’s interest lay with being as much of a degenerate as he could, though there was always something piqued with music. when he was 13 he discovered his father’s reasoning for coming home later and later ... a local pub that attracted more of the actual locals than tourists with live music and cheap beer on tap. rider often snuck into the bar to watch the talent play and even managed to strike up something resembling a friendship with one of the regular bands. it lead to the front man gifting rider a hand-me-down ( and pretty beat ) guitar for his 14th birthday ... which rider’s father destroyed when he discovered his son’s sneaking. but not before rider got to pluck and play and learn enough to keep him hooked.

slowly the money he contributed to his family from his thieving was less and less, rider pocketing more and more that was unnoticed until he could afford a replacement guitar. it was his secret between he and his youngest sister ------ she caught him in the expansive back yard teaching himself chords and tabs and in exchange for her secrecy he’d sing for her. in the summer of his sophomore into junior year of school rider decided he did not want this life, that he was worth so much more than being stuck in some backwater stealing and being battered and bruised for every small little thing. he needed out, and he poured himself out to his baby sister. she encouraged him to go and starting his junior year he began to actually try in school.

his behavior shifted so noticeably that teachers were immediately skeptical. the kid who shamelessly teased others or kept so solemnly to himself, who reeked of the inside of a cigarette from between every class or stale liquor from his shitty home life, was suddenly putting his best foot forward. he was, by no means, a genius but he wasn’t a pushover either. it was enough that through his junior and senior year he scrambled his grades together to pass and beyond that, managed to grab himself state aid for college.

the talk of college in itself was a massive explosion at home. his father wouldn’t hear of it after the first “chat” and his mother sank further into her bottle. it ended with the notation that if he left he was as good as gone but ... but his sister convinced him to go. and so rider packed his things and left at the end of the summer.

at first all was well. classes went smoothly and his room mate seemed nice enough. college life became what it is for so many youths in the country: classes during the week and hard partying on the weekend. slowly the habits of his mother began to creep into his life, combined with occasional outbursts of anger so volatile it was always destructive. it was one weekend in october of his second year that his room mate attempted to take advantage of him.

beyond drunk and to the point of seeing triple, rider was easily persuaded. his room mate attempted to overpower and sexually assault him but adrenaline and worse took over. with the struggle came violence and at the end of the snap of rage rider snapped to holding the lid of his dorm room’s toilet tank in his hand, coated in blood. he had bashed his room mate’s head in ... and kept bashing. there was no running from this, not that he wanted to, and when the storm blew over and his court date was set rider faced the judge with a clenched jaw.

instead of prison he was sent to a psychiatric institution. intermittent explosive disorder, his lawyer had argued after reviewing his case. the family history fell in place with a snap, his angry outbursts as a child and all throughout his teens. rider was kept at the facility for 7 years and at 26 he was released when they believed his behavior had changed significantly, that his personality had reformed, that through medication and therapy he had his issue managed.

the first place he went was home, but when he arrived things were different. his father had passed during his time away, his brother having stayed to watch over their mother. his two sisters moved on but not far, and when he faced his mother she told him a solemn, “get out”. his decision to leave for college had been more serious to the lorne clan that it needed to be and he had no place among them.

for 8 years he wandered around the united states. odd jobs here and there, working with his hands or fists when needed. he was a nomad, and oddly the life agreed with him. until he happened upon valdez in his travels. the exact details of joining the cobras over the savages came down to whichever gang was first approached and ultimately at 34 rider joined the snakes.

he’s been off of his medications, skipping out on therapy sessions while he was twisting in the wind during his travels, but his anger seemed to work in favor of his new job as a soldier. often losing his cool when faced with opposition, rider had a tendency to meet his problems with overruling brutality and force.

eventually he was scooped to a more specialized role in security for valdez’s mayor and, with the introduction to cobra security, took the change in position in a more finite way two weeks ago.

if his family in new orleans didn’t want him, it was fine. his family in valdez sure had a place for him.

personality: affable and charming, rider uses his southern wit and humor to his advantage in most scenarios. he’ll be your best friend and jest around with you up until the moment that he doesn’t. unmedicated and always bound to a short temper regardless, rider can be incredibly unpredictable and volatile if the right trigger or moment suits him. for a time he sought therapy in valdez, but he jokes that he drove his therapist off ( she found work elsewhere, in truth ) and he never had any interest in learning how to change his mood anyway. for the most part he’s entertaining to be around: he’ll cook for any one of the cobras that asks ( or doesn’t ) and he’s always carrying a tune. but true to the nature of a snake, their whims and moods can change on a dime, and so too can rider’s.

#outlaw.intro #this got so long holy moly

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kraftdinnermac · 7 years

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- INCOMING LONG AND EMOTIONAL POST -

I am completely devastated, and not entirely sure where to begin…

I guess I’ll start where it all began: when I was 5 years old my brother brought home a CD that was dominating the charts upon its release, that album was Linkin Park’s “Hybrid Theory”. As the youngest child, I always had great fun stealing my older brother’s things, and one of my favorite things to take from his room was easily this CD. It was the anthem of my entire upbringing and completely shaped the foundation of my musical tastes today. That album, still to this day, remains my most listened to album on this earth. Hands down.

I was so captivated by Linkin Park and how unique they were. They had rapping, turn tables, samples, screaming, and heavy guitar riffs. They were arguably the most innovative band that I still have ever encountered. They broke through barriers viciously and with full force. In the beginning no body liked them, and no body wanted to sign them, and they would try to change their band by saying “no screaming” or “no rapping”, but they stood true to themselves and proved everyone wrong, and showed the world that they were legends.

Chester Bennington was the first screamer I ever came to love. Before I even really knew what metal music was, or especially what scream vocals were and how they could sound good, I was obsessed with Chester. His screams sound like he has 3 different pitches being sung at once, and his soft clean vocals sound so gentle they could put you to sleep. Even from a young age I knew this man was talented, and I simply couldn’t get enough of him.

Flash forward to today. I still site Linkin Park to be one of the biggest influences on me in terms of musical taste, I still know Hybrid Theory and Meteora back to front, upside down and backwards, and I still get goosebumps whenever I hear Chester sing. I still find myself going back to watch some live videos, particularly their “Live in Texas” DVD performance, where 15 minutes into the concert Chester is already completely soaked in sweat because he’s giving it 110%. I am forever feeling nostalgic when I hear Chester’s voice, and I still enjoy him just as much today.

I literally can’t express enough how big of an influence Linkin Park has had on my life, and Chester specifically as well. I remember whenever I used to draw people when I was young and I would always deck them out in tattoos and piercings, I would always draw red and blue flames on their wrists, just like Chester had. I also remember how I always wanted to wear my hair spikey, and Chester was probably 75% of the reason why. As much as I loved the entire band, and each member for their own reasons, Chester always stuck out to me and always caught my attention. Even today as I am trying to teach myself to become a screamer, I am often going back to Chester’s tracks for inspiration and guidance.

Today I learned that Chester Bennington committed suicide, and it felt like dunking my head under freezing water. I was completely shocked and frankly couldn’t believe that it was true. I heard the news within minutes that it hit the internet, and for the following hour or two I was scavenging articles to see if there were any more sources to confirm this. Sadly, I then stumbled across a tweet by Linkin Park band mate Mike Shinoda who confirmed that it was true. My stomach sank.

There have been many celebrity deaths to happen in my day, some more painful than others, but I have to admit this easily takes the cake. Chester was so close to me, so important and so significant. To me he was untouchable, he was an icon that was simply too talented and too amazing. To think that probably one of my biggest hero’s since I was 5 years old was still vulnerable to pain and suffering to the extent he was, and to be driven to such a horrific end, it was nearly impossible to imagine. But it was true, regardless of what I thought or how I felt, it was all true. For the first time with any celebrity death, this one left a hole somewhere.

Chester passed away on July 20th, 2017, the day that would’ve been Chris Cornell’s 53rd birthday. For those of you who don’t know or are unaware, Chris Cornell was a singer (Soundgarden and Audioslave) who died by suicide on May 18 of this year, just over 2 months ago. Chris was a very close friend to Chester, and it was clear he was deeply impacted by the loss of his friend. Not long after his passing, Linkin Park performed “One More Light”, a song off their May album by the same name, live on Jimmy Kimmel in memory of Chris. The lyrical content of this song is about “who cares if one more light in the sky goes out” which of course is a metaphor for someone dying, in which Chester responds “I do”. It’s a beautiful song and given the meaning of the performance it was incredibly powerful. Chester was choking up during his performance; you could see his tearing eyes hiding behind his sunglasses, and you could see his mouth shaking as he tried not to break down. The entire performance was incredibly moving.

Statistics have shown that when someone commits suicide, their family, friends, and loved ones become at greater risk of suicide themselves due to the inability to cope with the loss of a loved one. It pains me so much to see how this is most likely what happened to Chester. By listening to his lyrics over the course of his career, it’s obvious Chester was no stranger to pain, but for his passing to happen the day of Chris Cornell’s birthday…I truly believe that this “second hand suicide” was the case, which saddens me so much.

I had such a difficult time trying to choose the best song to accompany this post. Entire songs and lyrics have been racing through my head ever since I heard the news. Truthfully, I could choose a good number of songs that would suit this post; however, instead of choosing my favorite Linkin Park song, or choose the one single that everyone will seem to recognize, or Chester’s favorite Linkin Park song (Breaking the Habit), or even their current single from their new album One More Light,“Heavy”, which talks about carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders and how he can’t seem to just let it all go (such a sad song and now it’s even more sad given his passing…), I eventually decided to use this song: Leave Out All The Rest (from their album “Minutes to Midnight”)

Every single lyric in this song speaks to all of us about what has happened right now. As I listen to Chester sing the chorus…

“When my time comes; Forget the wrong that I’ve done; Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed. And don’t resent me; And when you’re feeling empty; Keep me in your memory; Leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest”

…I can’t help but picture him singing this to all of us from above. Almost as if he’s comforting us all in this time of grief and suffering. It’s a message to all of us to remember the good things about one another. Every word of this song resonates with this horrible tragedy; and I don’t know about you but I think it’s incredibly overwhelming.

Chester Bennington was an absolute icon to not only me, but to millions of others. Without Chester and Linkin Park music would not be the same today, and that involves other genres than rock/metal. The influence Linkin Park has had on the music industry is unmeasurable, spanning across decades. The role that Chester played in Linkin Park and their success was absolutely huge, and it’s impossible to properly gauge how much of a loss it is for this world to lose such an incredible, smart, funny, and talented human being. He will be missed profoundly by myself and millions others all around the world.

If you ever have thoughts of suicide, or know somebody that does, or even if you’ve just thought about the option harmlessly a few times, please please please don’t hesitate to reach out! Talk to a friend, a family member, a teacher, a mentor, a coach, a family friend, or call one of the many help lines out there. (Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 - Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868) You are not in this alone, and mental illness can be beaten!!! And if you are someone who has a friend or loved one who you think may be suicidal or going through intense hardships with mental illness, reach out to them! Tell them how much you appreciate and love them, and reassure them of how important they are in your life. Even if it’s just a quick and harmless text, saying “I care about you” just once could decide the difference between life and death.

I know this was a very long post, and if you made it this far then i thank you sincerely for taking the time to get through all of this. I wanted to keep this post as brief as possible, but with the way that I explain myself, and the level of impact this news has had on me, there was no way I could contain this to a simple paragraph. So again, thank you.

I love you all, you are all beautiful. We’re going to get through this life together!

Rest in peace, Chester Bennington. An undeniable legend! March 20th, 1976 - July 20th, 2017

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