#teach it to NOT FUCKING LOG ME OUT WHILE I'M MAKING A POST

[medicinemane]

TUMBLR DO NOT FUCKING LOG ME OUT WHILE I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF WRITING A POST

IF I'M FUCKING WRITING SOMETHING, THEN I'M CLEARLY STILL FUCKING HERE AND USING YOU

THIS IS THE SECOND TIME IT'S HAPPENED AND YOU PISS ME OFF A FUCK OF A LOT WITH IT

[ozzy-boy]

Hii! Volks, Scale and Cole's reaction (separately) if someone calls their s/o ugly?

Volks:

-Volks doesn't do social media. He doesn't have any and he doesn't look at it either.

-He finds the whole thing kind of ridiculous anyway- why would you care what strangers online have to say? You show him cute videos of dogs sometimes though, so he figures it can't all be bad.

-When Volks notices that you're a little downtrodden, he doesn't suspect that social media would be the cause.

-You brush him off and say that it's stupid when he asks what's wrong, which immediately rubs him the wrong way.

-He's your boyfriend- he doesn't care if it's stupid, if something is bothering you, he wants to know.

-If you keep trying to avoid it he'll end up putting his forehead against yours and staring into your eyes until you say it.

-You eventually give in and admit that someone called you ugly under one of the new pictures you posted.

-Normally Volks would probably agree that it's stupid to be upset over a stranger's opinion, but that kind of thing doesn't bother him. You're more sensitive than he is though. (unbothered king)

-He assures you it isn't true and is extra sweet for a while to make you feel better. He also goes on your phone later and deletes any comments that aren't compliments (even if it takes him a while to figure out how bc he's an old man with technology 💀)

Scale:

-Scale isn't huge on social media either, but he makes accounts so he can like your posts and so you can send him things.

-Honestly if he didn't have the whole 'assassin secret identity' thing going on, he'd probably post stuff about his workout routine. He's fine just sending those videos to you, though ;)

-He likes to go to your insta and look at your pictures when he's having a rough day with training, just as a little pick-me-up.

-Though, today he notices a comment under your most recent post.

-Immediately confused. ("Huh?")

-Refreshing the page constantly, as if expecting it to be a mistake. ("Who?")

-You? Ugly??? ("What?????")

-Genuinely dumbfounded. He's never heard something so ridiculous in his life.

-You're equally confused a few hours later when you log on and see your boyfriend getting in an online slapfight with a random person under your post.

-It's very endearing that Scale is so willing to go to bat and defend you but you're gonna have to give him a lesson in online safety and teach him how to block people that make him angry and move on -_-

Cole:

-Cole is your number 1 fan he has all your accounts on notification. He is your first like on every post.

-He kind of hates that your pictures are online for anyone to see but he deals with it. He has his own collection of pictures to admire but he often refreshes your pages to see what you're up to.

-While you're out together one day you decide to take a quick photo and post it since you're feeling cute.

-It's not until a while later that Cole watches you check your phone, only for a sad look to pass over your features. He quickly investigates, and finds a bubbling anger rising in his chest when he finds that someone's insulted you.

-'I have to kill this guy right fucking now-'

-'No, no, calm down Cole. You need to keep your cool in front of Marshmallow.'

-'Wait a second, they look sad. I'm going to kill-'

-Cole does a few deep breathing exercises, gets his head on straight and repeatedly tells himself that he can't run off to track down an internet stranger while you're sad.

-"My darling, have I told you how wonderful you look today...?"

-He spends the next several hours spoiling and complimenting as much as you'll allow.

-After all, you need no one else but him.

[i-like-eyes]

DevLog 2

We are at log 2 and real life has already got in the way. As I don't got a lot to show off I'll post some non-spoilery asset stuff and hide the rambling under read more.

While I did get a good chunk of the script done, there is still plenty of dialogue I need to get to. As a result, I didn't get any maps done. I'm trying to make this game with RPG Paper Maker's strengths in mind, but every once in awhile I'll realize I made an assumption of what the engine can do and the script has to be put on pause because of it. For example, a lot of this game I had already planned out having pictures on screen for more cinematic scenes. Literally two days ago I realized I don't actually know how to do that in the engine. Thankfully there is a Discord for RPGPM and the people there have been a huge help.

To supplement my question I had drawn a reference of what I meant; it's nothing significant I just think it looks funny.

I'm probably not going to show off the script itself because words on a doc isn't terribly interesting. Here are talk sprites in the mean time.

In order they are Holly, Jim, and Micheal. I might talk more about them next month.

Grant herself I debating making a talk sprite for, I probably will in the end but I'm wondering if how she reacts in those sections should be left up to the player to interpret. I'm thinking about how you see Phoenix clearly while in a courtroom because of the more cinematic approach to that section of the game, but when talking to other characters you don't see his face; instead the characters are talking directly to you because it's more personal. That (and a stupid amount of over analyzing the portraits of FE13-16 because FETH criticism is fucking weird) contributed to the npcs in this game looking directly at you. Also because horror game, things are supposed to be a bit unnerving. If Grant had a sprite she wouldn't look at the player because you are playing as he;, she should reflect the fact that you are looking at the npcs.

While this is the first game I've taken really seriously as a personal project, it's development cycle still throws me off because of what I've done beforehand for school.

It's weird, normally when making a game I'd focus on gameplay first and story last. I've done a handful of small scale projects at school, and the number one thing teachers drill into your head is to have the gameplay and the narrative play off each other. Most students go in with this epic idea for a story and only really want to make it a game because games are cool, not that they think they can have the gameplay enhance the plot. This combined with a lot of demos we made were based on popular genres (FPS for example) meant our development cycle looked a lot like gameplay first then story built to compliment that. My other game ideas either looked like that or smth more equally balanced, I think of a story element and a gameplay element I thought of happens to compliment that, but I've never had to come up with the majority of the plot first then the gameplay afterwards. Part of it was trying to discourage students from doing that, because they tend to have far too ambitious plotlines in mind. The other part was like fucking hell they are teaching us that weird niche visual novel shit because we are being trained to work for some company's Toronto division pumping out sequels.

But ultimately I've just never had an idea like this one before. Half my game ideas are fighting games and the rest are platformers, puzzle games, etc. I have thought of two -ish TRPG's, and briefly came up with a couple of other visual novel ideas, but they never stuck with me as long as the likes of Red Spikey Hair Guy Needs To Let Out Some Anger The Platformer (WIP name). If that title is any indication, the plot isn't my main concern for that game yet. That's because I want to figure out the gameplay more before I further flesh the story out because I want it to blend together. And then it gets put on hold because I forget how to program. Anyways, with Riverside there is very minimal gameplay. The reason why it is still a game and not just a comic or smth is because I think it is very important that you are put in the shoes of a patient at a nursing home, because you can't really get the same empathy with any other medium. Or hell, you don't get that same experience in real life until it's too late.

[that-dinopunk-guy]

Adventures on a public Conan Exiles server, day four

Technically this one is two sessions, but the first one wasn't long enough to warrant its own post.

Anyway last night I hopped on for a quick iron run, and on the way I ran into two asshole NPCs: some nameless dancer guy, and a rather unfriendly lady named Frigga Falsehope.

Frigga in particular gave me quite a thrashing, and I wasn't going to let such an injustice stand. So I ran home, busted out my bow and arrows, and...

Normally I'm not in favor of topless busty redheads being shot with arrows so hard they tear in half at the waist, but Miss Falsehope's rudeness was simply inexcusable. Perhaps when she spawns elsewhere on the map she'll have learned some manners from this ordeal.

Anyway, while I was teaching these two ne'er-do-wells some manners, I was able to complete my Sharpshooter journey, which meant I could unlock the powerful Hyrkanian bow!

Unfortunately I needed thick leather to make it, and I didn't have any. I knew there were some reptilian monstrosities nearby that would drop thick hide, with which I could then make thick leather, but after wasting like half my arrows on one of those fuckers and getting nowhere I decided to look elsewhere. (One thing I don't like about this game is how obnoxiously bulletspongey some of the enemies are.)

Fortunately gorillas also drop thick hide, and there's always a bunch of those in Xel-ha.

So I started traveling northeast to the Forgotten City of Xel-ha, mostly along the river because so many jungle enemies are a pain in the ass at my level.

Yeah, go find someone else to devour, you legless prick.

Before long I was at the Xel-ha Docks, with two gorillas just waiting to be skinned.

...Problem was, I was too low level to do enough damage with my poniards and short sword before they killed me, so I had to retreat, whip up a bow and some arrows, and cheese the bastards.

I made over a hundred arrows and I'd burned through all of them before the end, but eventually I managed to kill the two gorillas. So, standing triumphant on the docks, I pulled out my trusty skinning knife and harvested...

...Six thick hide. With which I can make six thick leather.

The powerful Hyrkanian bow takes twenty thick leather. COOOOOOOL.

By that time I was feeling pretty tired, so I logged out and went to bed. What do you want from me, I'm turning forty this year.

By the time I logged back in, I had a plan. I knew where I could definitely get some thick leather. Would I get enough? Who knows. But it would beat hunting gorillas and reptilian monstrosities. So I started heading west.

Yep, this is a public server, alright.

When traveling on foot in this game, you must always play this track in your head.

Eventually I arrived at my destination: the swimming ghost who gets shot by a ghost crossbow and ghost drowns, causing a non-ghost treasure chest to rise from the riverbed. Like a fucking idiot, I did not screenshot this. But I did get fourteen thick leather. Enough to make my new bow! Then, while I was in the neighborhood, I decided to continue traveling along the river and pick up some journal pages and emotes.

Some people just have no sense of style.

On my travels I encountered one of those new bloodstone rocknoses, so now I have some blood crystal!

Then, finally, it was time to head back home. I'd advanced a few levels and I was getting uncomfortably close to encumbrance, so I headed east back towards the jungle.

And then...

Aw yeah, can't wait to do slightly more damage with this bad boy.

Also, since I was now leveled up enough to make the awnings for the Flotsam building set (but not for any of the other styles, which I can't unlock for another twenty levels...god the way Funcom decided to handle the awnings in this game is fucking stupid), I replaced the roof pieces covering my porch.

Much better.

[boldlyvoid]

Intro and masterlist

✨about me ✨

this is a mature blog, I trust all minors to be responsible and avoid everything marked NSFW!

NSFW sideblog: @pervstash-spencer

Hi! my name is emily, I'm 23 she/they

Capricorn, bisexual, non-binary, autistic, and I have fibromyalgia ✌🏻 overall just a fun time y'know.

ao3

i love: supernatural, star trek, marvel movies, criminal minds, this is us and grey's anatomy !!

Accepting requests for Spencer Reid x Reader fics currently

all my tags are listed below if you want to see other posts about said fics, also here is my Spotify for the fics <3

Dad!spencer Masterlist

First times Masterlist**

all links to my fics below the cut!

Updated: July 28th, 2021

** for smut

~~ for angst

Spencer Reid x Reader fics

Hypothetically**~ Ao3 | Tumblr -- 27 chapters, complete. 89k

reader and Spencer were friends in kindergarten, she watched him grow up and explore the world while she was still trying to catch up to him. now that they work together, they fall in love incredibly fast.

friends to lovers, case of the week style story

touch me**~ Ao3 | Tumblr 5.8k

Spencer is incredibly touch-starved and hard on himself since coming home from prison. Luckily, the medical examiner in this small town is really good at reading people, and exactly what he needs.

amethyst you so much P1 Ao3 | Tumblr 6.4k

Spencer has had a crush on Y/N since she started working at the bau. She only ever works the night shift after a case, handling all the aftermath gracefully. one night, Spencer stays back and they strike up a conversation about rocks, causing their feelings to dig a little deeper.

of quartz i will P2** Ao3 | Tumblr 6K

after 2 years of dating, Spencer decides it's finally time to get Y/N something to match her Amethyst bracelet.

Amoreena**~ Ao3 | Tumblr Completed 83k

Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Seven* Tumblr WIP

Summary: Spencer’s been married to Y/N for 7 years now, they have 7 children together and each one is going through something different. Spencer’s always wanted to be the best dad, now he gets to figure out how to be.

the guy at the rock show Ao3 | Tumblr 5.6K

Y/N lost their parents when they were 17, finding a new home and solace in Penelope Garcia and taking the Garcia name. They're the top forensic specialist in D.C, in a band and they drive a motorcycle... not to mention they are madly in love with the cute doctor who works with their sister.

journey to Camelot** Ao3 | Tumblr 3.8K

When Penelope introduces Spencer to online games, he expects to be spending his nights alone. Yet, somehow every time he comes back from a bad case, he logs on to chat with the ever so lovely user FairlyGwen and getting a lot more than just a helpful tip from her.

Exploration** Ao3 | Tumblr 4.7K

request: season1/2 spencer walking in on reader while she's watching porn in their shared hotel room

Expedition** Tumblr 1.2K

Summary: there's a first time for everything... including joining the mile high club with your boyfriend on the work jet.

10 Days Ao3 | Tumblr 1.4K

it's spencer's first father's day and he's extremely emotional about the little love of his life that he's only just met. he spends the day with his baby, Edwin, and his wife, crying and happy about how wonderful new little lives are.

ain't it fun?** Ao3 | Tumblr Masterlist 11K

reader just needs an NA meeting before they have a meltdown, they end up with the best friend they could ever make.

I'm not kidding!** Tumblr 6K

Spencer keeps getting little notes from a secret admirer, they're nice and sweet at first as they tease him with their crush until she's sending him notes about all the dirty things she wants to do to him

Perfect Timing** Tumblr 1K

spencer and reader have been spending the last month together in the same hotel room during a pretty brutal case. tension has been rising and she's completely in love with him.

what happens when they both think the other won't be back for a while and they want to shower?

Redamancy** Tumblr 5.4K

the co-op librarian at the FBI Academy has been secretly crushing on the smartest agent in the Bureau, TA, Doctor Spencer Reid, and he's been crushing on her too.

Being Neighbourly** Tumblr 1.9K

Request: reader is Spencers neighbour and she can hear him masturbating every night that he's home how do you have her deal with that?

Professional Hair Dresser (Ph.D)** Tumblr 6.4K

summary: after Spencer's knee injury, he starts visiting a salon every week to get his hair washed

36 Questions to Fall in Love Tumblr 8K

Summary: When Derek bets Spencer that he cant make someone fall in love with him in a week, he doesn’t expect Spencer to marry the girl the next day

New Romantics** Tumblr 23k

Summary: She needs help studying for her Case Exercises at the Academy, He needs a date for the annual Banquet... they just so happen to be neighbours who aren't afraid to lend a helping hand, or in this case, a helping kiss.

Million Dollar Man** | Tumblr WIP 5k so far

summary: Spencer's therapist recommended he branch out and meet new people who don't want to talk about his work... she didn't expect him to sign up for a Sugar Daddy website.

Sugar, Honey, Ice Tea** | Y/N version | 1-4, 5-9, Epilogue 25.6k

Summary: Fix-it-fic: Dr. Y/L/N and Savannah Hayes have been best friends since their medical internship at Bethesda General. When she receives a frantic call that Derek's best friend is being transferred to the prison she works at, an unlikely friendship bubbles.

Eventually falling head over heels for the innocent man.

Warnings: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Prison, Prison Violence, Assault, Blood, Depression, Murder, Self-Hatred, Hurt Spencer Reid, Canon-Typical Violence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Drug Addiction, References to Drugs, Drug Use, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Romantic Tension, Forbidden Love, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Strangers to Lovers, Requited Love, Falling In Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, past abusive relationship, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault

Spencer x Ethan

Ruin it.** Tumblr 5.4K

Summary: Spencer never had sleepovers as a kid, so now that he's an adult he's always sleeping over at Ethan's house, ad he'll take any excuse to crawl into bed beside him.

Warnings: mutual pining, love concessions, blowjobs, handjobs, anal sex (both top and bottom spencer in this), childhood friends to lovers

400 Celebration fics

Reid Me Tumblr 2.5K

Spencer has noticed a beautiful woman at a spirituality booth at the farmers market every Saturday for almost a whole year now. he finally asks her to give him a reading.

mystery of love Tumblr 700

Spencer surprises his wife with a trip to Italy.

Spy Kids Tumblr 900

Spencer and Y/N's kids think that they are secretly spies and request a mission story before bed.

a father's greatest weakness Tumblr 1K

Princess Y/N is betrothed to the Viking king in an effort by her father to keep the peace between their countries, he doesn't expect her to join in the fight to free Scottland.

Luke x Reader

Best Dad Ever 2.8K

Request: angst with a happy ending, reader and luke have been divorced for a few years but have a child, she tries and tries to fall out of love with him but he's around so often that she can't

Spencer x OC

Sugar Honey Ice Tea** Ao3 | WIP 9/10 chapters complete 25.6K

Fix-it-fic: Dr. Beth Pattinson and Savannah Hayes have been best friends since their medical internship at Bethesda General. When she receives a frantic call that Derek's best friend is being transferred to the prison she works at, an unlikely friendship bubbles.

Eventually falling head over heels for the innocent man.

Intro to Criminal Minds: Why They Did It Ao3 | Tumblr WIP 6K+

Spencer is teaching a 7-week seminar on the most interesting criminal cases, explaining their actions to understand why they took place. Only, not everyone in the audience is a student.

Criminal Minds x Mindhunter AU

Spencer x OC Peggy Carr

Franklin x Reader

Voulez-Vouz** | 3.2k

Summary: in a small town, everyone knows each other… or at least they think they do.

Warnings: porn with plot, smut, Dom reader, Sub!Perv!franklin, making out, teasing, face sitting, oral (female and male), hand jobs, overstimulation, prostate message, multiple orgasms, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, let me know if I forgot anything.

Chip x Reader

forever is the sweetest con** | 6.2K

Summary: Reader’s dad is a carpenter; sometimes he takes on apprentices and sometimes, if they’re lucky, they get his daughter’s number at the end of their training. Chip Taylor, however, hits the jackpot when her father invites him over for one of her homecooked meals.

Warnings: reader’s mom passed away, mentions of parental death, strangers to lovers, random acts of kindness, mutual pining, falling in love, steamy make-outs, oral sex (male and female receiving), fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, dirty talk, sub!chip, food mentions, praise, love confessions.

Raymond x Reader

Alone Together ** | 2.4K

Summary: Raymond moves into a haunted house and ends up sleeping with the ghost who lives there... only he doesn't know that when you fuck a ghost you also become one.

Warnings: details of suicide and murder, blowjobs, pegging, bottom!raymond, top!reader, becoming a ghost, major character death.

Star Trek Masterlist

Star Wars fix it fic

Supernatural masterlist

thanks for all the love, as always,

-Emily <3

[readathousandlives]

Your page is so fucking cool. TEACH ME.

Terminal 03 v0.98

Press [ESC] to exit

Type "HELP" to get help using the terminal

Type "COMMANDS" to list all commands

\\Root\LOG TUTORIAL

Loading log, tutorial, progress : 100%

Thank you so much! I spent so long trying to make a mobile theme that I liked (ಥ﹏ಥ)

I took heavy inspo from the game GTFO, more specifically, the terminals that you can use while trying to sneak by creepy creatures that will fuck you the hell up if you wake them...

I don't know if you were actually looking for a tutorial or not, but I'm giving one to you anyways lol...

There will be many sections to this post, with some links sprinkled in, and it's a bit long, so it'll be under the cut...

-#: TEXT

While simple, this is easily the place where you can make or break your theme. While tumblr does supply alternative fonts (i use chat for my theme), others are not as nice (lucille im looking at you bitch)...

I have two different places I go to for my fonts. I have a custom keyboard on my phone (it has a subscription option for more fonts that I refuse to pay for), and a website that I copy and paste from. The website has more options, and it's completely free, so I mostly use that...

𝖙𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌 — 𝕥𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 — 𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 — 𝓉𝑒𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 — 𝙩����𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜

Keep in mind that using an abundance of fancy text could make it hard for people to read whatever's written in that font. That, and i find using only the copy pasted text to be quite ugly. I've seen someone use the second testing font entirely for their pinned post, and it is not a good look...

The same can be said for making all of your text small, though I personally haven't had issue with small text unless I'm reading fanfiction in the dark...

Text colour is also a nice addition to pull together a theme. While there are some bright colours that you can use from what's provided, it's not much...

This text post goes through the steps of adding custom gradients or colours to text, if that's something you're interested in...

Also, please, for the love of god, put a fucking read more on any text post that's longer than one(!!!) mobile screen in length. The amount of fics that are good that I refuse to reblog because you have to spend 5 minutes just to scroll past it is infuriating and saddening, we don't need a text version of "do you love the colour of the sky?" Okay? Okay...

-#: DECALS?

It's the little things that tie everything together, so I suggest looking here or here or here for some ideas...

To make things easier for you, I would suggest copy pasting anything you like into a google doc, so that you have everything in one place for future use...

-#: DIVIDERS

There are many different ways you can spice up a text post, and dividers are one of them! animated or still work just as good, you just have to find what works with your aesthetic...

There are many places you can find dividers gifs or static, let me know if you would like me to compile a set for you from what I have saved...

-#: PICTURES

Pinterest is my go to for aesthetic pictures. There's a huge variety, and making a pintrest board for your theme will help to curate more options if you wanna change something up...

You can mix multiple pictures together, up to three side by side...

Or you can make it look like there's only one picture by putting white/black/ transparent photos on either side, depending on your theme...

Keep in mind that a post is limited to 10 pictures, so you might have to break out a photo editor if you planned on using a lot of media...

-#: OTHERS

A good place to start for making your theme is to look at the anime fanfic community here on tumblr. The way these people make pinned posts look like works of art...

Some of my favourites:...

#. @bykii #. @eijirhoe

#. @aitarose #. @21-06-1996

#. @tteokdoroki #. @kurosukii

!NOTE! Many of these blogs are 18+ please follow their dni before interacting with any of their content...

Some shameless self promo:...

#. @lxvlxck #. @pythonees

In the end, all that matters is what you like. I tried to keep things vague enough, though I don't know how well I did as this is my first tutorial...

Hope this was helpful! Enjoy making your aesthetic pinned post, or a cute template for your fan-fiction!...

[sholangagaga]

Gregory: Tall people are the enemy

Monty: I'm sorry, I can't hear you from all the way up here

Gregory: I could tie your ankles together and you wouldn't notice until it was too late.

-

Moon: I wish more conspiracy theorists would really swing for the fences

Moon: "We never went to the moon" is so boring, pedestrian

Moon: "We are actually on the moon right now, but have been programmed to think we're on Earth" endlessly fascinating, shimmering with possibilities.

Freddy: Stop teaching Gregory this

-

Springtrap: Stop playing the victim that's not even a real instrument

-

Foxy: What did you all do today?

Roxy: Fucked up repeatedly

Foxy: Nice, same

-

Monty: Getting brain damage from pissing myself off

-

Gregory, poking his head out of a vent: Good evening, parental figure

Bonnie, not looking up from his newspaper: Good morning, problem child

-

Foxy: Today is Monday, I feel like we should do something illegal

Freddy: The law does not apply to us

Foxy: Even better

-

Roxy: Monty, don't talk out loud, you'll lower the IQ of the whole street.

-

Bonnie: Why are there little handprints on the wall?

Freddy, whispering: Why are there little handprints on the wall?

Gregory, whispering back: Because I have small hands

Freddy: Because Gregory has small hands

-

Monty, with his leg stuck in a chair: Now, you may be asking, "Monty, how did you do this to yourself?"

Monty, trying to get unstuck: Well kids, Monty has no fucking clue either

-

Chica: I sort of did something and I need you advice. But I don't want any judgment or criticism

Roxy: And you came to me?

-

Freddy: Gregory just said he wanted to "do something nice for me"

Bonnie, sighing: I'll go warn the others

-

Vanessa: So apparently the "bad vibes" I've been feeling are actually "severe psychological distress"

-

William: Embracing my god complex by changing my pronouns from he/him to He/Him

-

Jaime: I'm glad my mom caused most of my childhood trauma instead of my dad so my therapy sessions can pass the bechdel test

-

Jin, lying on her bed, face down, desperately trying to get up: Come on body, yip yip

-

Henry after the Missing Children Incident: BITCH I'M ABOUT TO JUST [disappears under mysterious circumstances]

-

Monty: You'll have to excuse Freddy here, he's gay so he dislikes unnecessary conflict

Monty, cracking his knuckles: But as for me, a bisexual who thrives on that shit―

-

Vanny: I'm an expert on Fazbear Entertainment and its properties

Foxy: Oh yeah? Name 10

Vanny: Bonnie and Freddy

Freddy: that's on you, you set the bar too low

-

Chica: I wish I had a super tight-knit group of friends that I fought crime with

Vanny: I wish I had a super tight-knit group of friends that I commit crime with

Freddy: I wish I had a super tight-knit group of friends

Roxy: I wish I had friends

Monty: I wish I could knit

-

Roxy: Some guy just whistled at me while walking by and Foxy goes "Don't worry, that was for me"

-

Gregory: Freddy, who has never used social media aside from marketing, just logged into twitter, made a single post, and then logged off

[The post]

Freddy: Currently going beastmode upon the punk that pilfered my lint roller

-

Roxy: Call me an escalator because I let people down

-

William: I want to change the world

Henry: For the better?

William:

Henry: Answer me, Will

-

Vanessa: It must be so nice to be rich instead of like, having to develop a personality

Fazbear Entertainment: shut up lol

Vanessa: Buy my silence.

-

Roxy: you make me so angry so quickly

Roxy: it's remarkable

Freddy: I LITERALLY SAID 6 WORDS

Roxy: Yet here I am, boiling with hate

-

Bonnie: My favorite misunderstanding I've had to clear up so far was Chica asking me about the word "fuck". Because apparently someone had told her if she said "fuck" in the Pizzaplex she might be dismantled on the spot. Which I think is the funniest lie that I've ever heard

Monty: damn how brave was she feeling when she asked you that

-

William: What should I get at IHOP

Michael: Killed.

[queenlua]

hey, i started following you recently and ur bio says ur a hacker? any tips on where to start? hacking seems like a v cool/fun way to learn more abt coding and cybersecurity/infrastructure and i'd like to explore it but there's so much on the internet and like, i'm not trying to get into anything illegal. thanks!

huh, an interesting question, ty!

i can give more tailored advice if you hit me up on chat with more specifics on your background/interests.

given what you've written here, though, i'll just assume you don't have any immediate professional aspirations (e.g. you just want to learn some things, and you aren't necessarily trying to get A Cyber Security Job TM within the next three months or w/e), and that you don't know much about any specific programming/computering domain yet.

(stuff under cut because long)

first i'd probably just try to pick some interesting problem that you think you can solve with tech. this doesn't need to be a "hacking" project at first; i was just messing around with computers for ages before i did anything involving security/exploitation.

if you don't already know how to program, you should ideally pick a problem you can solve via programming. for instance: i learned a lot back in the 2000s, when play-by-post forum RPGs were in vogue.  see, i'd already been messing around, building my own personal sites, first just with HTML & CSS, and later on with Javascript and PHP.   and i knew the forum software everyone used (InvisionPowerBoard) was written in PHP.  so when one of the admins at my RPG complained that they'd like the ability to set multiple profile pictures, i was like, "hey i'm good at programming, want me to create a mod to do that," and then i just... did. so then they asked me to program more features, and i got all the sexy nerd cred for being Forum Mod Queen, and it was a good time, i learned a lot.

(i also got to be the person who was frantically IMed at 2am because wtf the forum is down and there's an inscrutable error, what do??? basically sysadmining! also, much less sexy! still, i learned a lot!)

the key thing is that it's gotta be a problem that's interesting to you: as much as i love making dorky sites in PHP, half the fun was seeing other people using my stuff, and i think the era of forum-based RPGs has passed. but maybe you can apply some programming talents to something that you are interested in—maybe you want to make a silly Chrome extension to make people laugh, a la Cloud to Butt, or maybe you'd like to make a program that converts pixel art into cross-stitching patterns, maybe you want to just make a cool adventure game on those annoying graphing calculators they make you use in class, or make a script for some online game you play, or make something silly with Arduino (i once made a trash can that rolled toward me when i clapped my hands; it was fun, and way easier than you'd think!), whatever.

i know a lot of hacker-types who got their start doing ROM hacking for video games—replacing the character art or animations or whatever in old NES games. that's probably more relevant than the PHP websites, at least, and is probably a solid place to get started; in my experience those communities tend to be reasonably friendly to questions. pick a small thing you want to do & ask how to do it.

also, a somewhat unconventional path, but—once i knew how to program a bit of Python, i started doing goofy junk, like, "hey can i implemented NamedTuple from scratch,” which tends to lead to Python metaprogramming, which leads to surprising shit like "oh, stack frames are literally just Python objects and you can manually edit them in the interpreter to do deliberately horrendous/silly things, my god this language allows too much reflection and i'm having too much fun"... since Python is a lot of folks' first language these days, i thought i'd point that out, since i think this is a pretty accessible start to thinking about How Programs Actually Work under the hood. allison kaptur has some specific recommendations on how to poke around, if you wanna go that route.

it's reasonably likely you'll end up doing something "hackery" in the natural course of just working on stuff. for instance, while i was working on the IPB forum software mods, i became distressed to learn that everyone was using an INSECURE version of the software! no one was patching their shit!! i yelled at the admins about it, and they were like "well we haven't been hacked yet so it's not a problem," so i uh, decided to demonstrate a proof of concept? i downloaded some sketchy perl script, kicked it until it worked, logged in as the admins, and shitposted a bit before i logged out, y'know, to prove my point.

(they responded by banning me for two weeks, and did not patch their software. which, y'know, rip to them; they got hacked by an unrelated Turkish group two months later, and those dudes just straight-up deleted the whole website. i was a merciful god by comparison!)

anyway, even though downloading a perl script and just pointing it at a website isn't really "hacking" (it's the literal definition of script kiddie, heh)—the point is i was just experimenting a lot and trying a lot of stuff, which meant i was getting comfortable with thinking of software as not just some immutable relic, but something you can touch and prod in unexpected ways.

this dovetails into the next thing, which is like, just learn a lot of stuff. a boring conventional computer science degree will teach you a lot (provided you take it seriously and actually try to learn shit); alternatively, just taking the same classes as a boring conventional computer science degree, via edX or whatever free online thingy, will also teach you a lot. ("contributing to open source" also teaches you a lot but... hngh... is a whole can of worms; send a follow-up ask if you want that rant.)

here's where i should note that "hacking" is an impossibly broad category: the kind of person who knows how to fuck with website authentication tokens is very different than someone who writes a fuzzer, who is often quite different than someone who looks at the bug a fuzzer produces and actually writes a program that can exploit that bug... so what you focus on depends on what you're interested in. i imagine classes with names like "compilers," "operating systems," and "networking" will teach you a lot. but, like, idk, all knowledge is god-breathed and good for teaching. hell, i hear some universities these days have actual computer security classes? that's probably a good thing to look at, just to get a sense of what's out there, if you already know how to program.

also be comfortable with not knowing everything, but also, learn as you go. the bulk of my security knowledge came when i got kinda airdropped into a work team that basically hired me entirely on "potential" (lmao), and uh, prior to joining i only had the faintest idea what a hypervisor was? or the whole protection ring concept? or ioctls or sandboxing or threat models or, fuck, anything? i mostly just pestered people with like 800 questions and slowly built up a knowledge base, and remember being surprised & delighted when i went to a security conference a year later and could follow most of the talks, and when i wound up at a bar with a guy on the xbox security team and we compared our security models a bunch, and so on.  there wasn't a magic moment when i "got it", i was just like, "okay huh this dude says he found a ring-0 exploit... what does that mean... okay i think i got that... why is that a big deal though... better ask somebody.." (also: reading an occasional dead tree book is a good idea. i owe my firstborn to Robert Love's Linux Kernel Development, as outdated as it is, and also O'Reilly's kookaburra book gave me a great overview of web programming back in the day, etc.  you can learn a lot by just clicking around random blogs, but you’ll often end up with a lot of random little facts and no good mental scaffolding for holding it together; often, a decent book will give you that scaffolding.)

(also, it's pretty useful if you can find a knowledgable someone to pepper with random questions as you go. finding someone who will actively mentor you is tricky, but most working computery folks are happy to tell you things like "what you're doing is actually impossible, here's why," or "here's a tutorial someone told me was good for learning how to write a linux kernel module," or "here's my vague understanding of this concept you know nothing about," or "here's how you automate something to click on a link on a webpage," which tends to be handier than just google on its own.)

if you're reading this and you're like "ok cool but where's the part where i'm handed a computer and i gotta break in while going all hacker typer”—that's not the bulk of the work, alas! like, for sure, we do have fun pranking each other by trying dumb ways of stealing each other's passwords or whatever (once i stuck a keylogger in a dude's keyboard, fun times). but a lot of my security jobs have involved stuff like, "stare at this disassembly a long fuckin' time to figure out how the program pointer got all fucked up," or, "write a fuzzer that feeds a lot of randomized input to some C++ program, watch the program crash because C++ is a horrible language for writing software, go fix all the bugs," or "think Really Hard TM about all the settings and doohickeys this OS/GPU/whatever has, think about all the awful things someone could do with it, threat model and sandbox accordingly." occasionally i have done cool proof-of-concept hacks but honestly writing exploits can kinda be tedious, lol, so like, i'm only doing that if it's the only way i can get people to believe that Yes This Is Actually A Problem, Fix Your Code

"lua that's cool and all but i wanted, like, actual links and recommendations and stuff" okay, fair. here's some ideas:

microcorruption: very fun embedded security CTF; teaches you everything you need to know as you're doing it.

cryptopals crypto challenges: very fun little programming exercises that teach you a lot of fundamental cryptography concepts as you're going along! you can do these even as a bit of a n00b; i did them in Python for the lulz

the binary bomb lab is hilariously copied by, like, so many CS programs, lol, but for good reason. it's accessible and fun and is the first time most people get to feel like a real hacker! (requires you know a bit of C beforehand)

ctftime is a good way to see when new CTFs ("capture the flag"s; security-focused competitions) are coming up. or, sometimes CTFs post their source code, so you can continue trying them after the CTF is over. i liked Stripe's CTFs when they were going, because they focused on "web stuff", and "web stuff" was all i really knew at the time. if you're more interested in staring at disassembly, there's CTFs focused on that sort of thing too.

azeria has good ARM assembly & exploitation tutorials

also, like, lots of good talks out there; just watching defcon/cansecwest/etc talks until something piques your interest is very fun. i'd die on a battlefield for any of Christopher Domas's talks, but he assumes a lot of specific x86/OS knowledge, lol, so maybe don’t start with that. oh, Julia Evans's blog is honestly probably pretty good for just learning a lot of stuff and really beginner-friendly?

oh and wrt legality... idk, i haven't addressed it here since it hasn't come up in my own work much, tbh. if you're just getting started you're kind of unlikely to Break The Law without, y'know, realizing maybe you're doing something a bit gray-area? and you can cross that bridge when you come to it? Real Hacking TM is way more of a pain-in-the-ass than doing CTFs and such, and you'll learn way more with the latter, so who cares lol just do the fun thing

[itsbenedict]

Two-Faced Jewel: Session 6

A half-elf conwoman (and the moth tasked with keeping her out of trouble) travel the Jewel in search of, uh, whatever a fashionable accessory is pointing them at. [Campaign log]

Last time, the party, after making their way to the torture wizard's evil torture tower, made a sneaky entrance via the window... into the room full of traps. One would think going in through a window and being immediately attacked by torture robots would teach them to, say, not go in through another window again immediately- but Looseleaf had other ideas, and those ideas got her attacked by several flying knives on the fourth floor.

Does she survive?

Barely! She loses over half her health to the initial onslaught, but manages to drop back down and close the window behind her before the knives can give chase, thanks to her racial ability to have two extra arms- she can shimmy down a rope and close a window in the same turn.

They're not out of the woods yet, though- the knives, frustrated in their assault by a pane of glass, turn around and head down the chimney through the fireplace on each floor. The party's ready for them as they emerge, though, and a couple rounds of combat later, the animated knives meet their ends without doing any further damage.

There's still a couple of beefy animated armors up there, though- so the party spends a tense couple turns waiting at the bottom of the stairs for them to make their way downstairs to the trap room. And they do, but... the translucent barrier blocking the stairway seems to block the armor, too, and they just stand menacingly at the bottom of the stairs.

...Hey, where'd Vayen go?

Luckily, Looseleaf had the foresight to soul-link to the medical kit she provided him earlier, meaning she can detect where he is at all times by sensing its spirit. She notes that he's gone upstairs via the window, and Saelhen follows. She finds him... perusing the torture equipment on the tables on the fourth floor, suspiciously. Vayen's surprised to have been followed, but points out, on the table, a strange weapon with a cross-shaped guard and four thin blades spaced wide- almost certainly the murder weapon used to kill the Nicksickles. He rolls a nat 1 on... something, and then just sort of hands it over to Saelhen without making a fuss. Huh.

Meanwhile, downstairs, Looseleaf tries to knock down the barrier with magic, and we end up making the exact same joke:

They've managed to split the attentions of the torturebots, but they don't have any way to keep the remaining bot occupied- so the rest of the party makes the decision to hurry up the rope and rejoin Saelhen and Vayen before the enemy can regroup.

Saelhen, seeing the bot coming, heads up to the fifth floor to get some distance on it, leaving Vayen behind. When Looseleaf and the others come up through the window, Vayen is gone- but Looseleaf can still sense him in the room via the bugged medkit. It seems he's turned invisible...?

On their way up the stairs, the closest armor slashes at Orluthe with a spiky claw, and- while Orluthe smacks it with an opportunity attack- gets through. The attack hurts, moreso than it should, thanks to some sort of magical pain effect, and Orluthe's Concentration-based buffs immediately expire. The party unloads some attacks on it, but it's a sturdy bastard!

Looseleaf: 16 hits? Benedict I. (GM): It does not. This thing... its spirit is pretty resilient. Apparently its creation was a labor of love. Looseleaf: Damn. Everything in this tower is so resilient. Saelhen du Fishercrown: AC 17, maybe? something brutal Benedict I. (GM):It's a big suit of metal! You want to know its Armor Class? Its class is armor! Looseleaf: i mean, spikes are gauche as fuck it can't be that classy

As they're fending this thing off- and it takes a disturbing number of hits- a third painbot inexplicably pops into existence next to the one attacking Orluthe. As it technically just entered Orluthe's range, and he has the Polearm Master feat, it gets smacked with an opportunity attack... and immediately vanishes. Some kind of illusion- which it doesn't take long for the party to blame on the invisible Vayen.

They keep wailing on it, but it's pretty sturdy.

One of them eventually goes down:

Benedict I. (GM): That hits! You catch the thing's helmet and it goes clean off its nonexistent shoulders. The rest of the armor collapses to the floor. Saelhen du Fishercrown: "There, Yamatake-san! The brain." Oyobi Yamatake: "Wh- that wasn't its- don't be a dick!"

The other one keeps chasing, though, and it's joined by the slow lumbering of some giant coffin-like device that's waddling its way over to join the fray. The party opts to make a fighting retreat up the stairs to the fifth floor. Arrows pepper the thing as it pursues them- and Saelhen and Looseleaf have approximately the same idea.

Remember back in town, they purchased, collectively, six thousand ball bearings?

Well, short story shorter, the stairs are now covered in ball bearings, making it very difficult for the automaton to continue its pursuit. It makes its dex saves, though, and it keeps pursuing them- until the party reaches the top of the stairs, and Zero has Orluthe shove the thing as soon as it catches up.

I believe you can predict the outcome of this shove, considering you saw the image at the start of this post.

Benedict I. (GM): so it's sustained 25 damage now Looseleaf: and it's stuck all the way at the bottom of the stairs again. Looseleaf, now, is thinking that- well, Vayen's not invisible anymore, and now Vayen is pincered between a painbot and a deathcoffin. Maybe we should do something to save him. He could very well die otherwise. Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Vayen, how nice to have you back with us, and apparently invisible this entire time without telling anyone!" Vayen: "Gaaaaaagh," he replies. Saelhen du Fishercrown: "We will of course protect you from the results of the decision you made, think nothing of it." Oyobi Yamatake: "Naturally! Because we're a team, right?"

Orluthe- who's a kindhearted soul and has been giving Vayen the benefit of the doubt- rushes downstairs to his aid, and, uh, rolls a natural one on his attempt to not trip on the ball bearings.

After this little snafu, though, the party successfully dispatches the other animated armor- and the coffin thing approaching them is, uh, very slow. It doesn't have legs. And, in fact, it seems incapable of climbing the stairs after them- so they head up to the fifth floor, having more or less won the combat!

The room turns out to be a bedroom, and doesn't seem to feature any sadistic suits of armor or flying knives- so the party stops for a short rest to dress their wounds. During this downtime, they interrogate Vayen regarding his recent behavior. He denies casting the illusion, and claims the invisibility was just a self-defense measure against the torture robots. His sudden disappearance, he claims, was just an attempt to take advantage of the moment the painbots were on the stairs to get around and flank them without being seen- he didn't want to give away his movements by announcing them.

There's no solid proof he was responsible for the illusion, so the party backs off on that- but Saelhen brings up something else. I think I'll paste this whole exchange:

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "And while I would be willing to call this an isolated case of awkwardness..." "...Vayen, a lady's bedroom, in the middle of the night, is a place one should not enter without explicit permission." Vayen: He goes stiff for a second. "...I don't know what you mean." Oyobi Yamatake: "Oh, come on! I heard you in there!" Looseleaf: "Heard him in- what?" Oyobi Yamatake: "You banged your leg on something and went 'Ow'!" Vayen: "...Overactive imagination." "Didn't happen." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "You really weren't very subtle. Oyobi heard you open my door, and close your own. I never left my room that night. And I left a few ball bearings by the door, as insurance. Ball bearings which had moved in the morning." Looseleaf: "...Are you saying that Vayen did something to you overnight, while I was asleep?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Would you like to accuse me of sleepwalking?" Looseleaf: "Vayen, is this true?" Vayen: "I never opened your door." Oyobi Yamatake: "Wh- no, I guess not, but-" Vayen: "I never touched her." "Nothing happened that night. I tranced the whole time." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "I'm sure. As for the contents of my bags, and, ah, personal effects... who can say?" Vayen: "I touched nothing of yours. I have no business with you." Oyobi Yamatake: "Oh my god. Seriously?"

Saelhen du Fishercrown: Is he getting worked up at all, or is he maintaining his flat affect? Benedict I. (GM): He's staying calm.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "And I imagine you wouldn't want any suspicion to fall on you, yes?" Orluthe Chokorov: "I, uh... I don't think Vayen would do something like that, yeah..." Vayen: "What he said."

Oyobi Yamatake: "I can't believe this." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Having twice acted such that we suspect you, thanks to... let's call it something neutral, for now, like miscommunication?" Looseleaf: "I mean, it could legitimately be miscommunication, possibly," Looseleaf says somewhat lamely. Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Perhaps! We are calling it that for a reason." Vayen: "Yes." Looseleaf: "But... I doubt Oyobi and Noeru would both lie about this. Oyobi's convinced that someone opened your door and opened Noeru's door, and that she heard your voice coming from Noeru's room." Vayen: "So what you have is Oyobi's word?" Looseleaf: "What's the alternative explanation here? An unknown party opened both doors, then went into Noeru's room and made a convincing imitation of your voice?" Vayen: "Or Oyobi is lying to make you distrust me." "Pretty standard elf move." Oyobi Yamatake: "Oh, you are not playing that card!" Vayen: He shrugs. Looseleaf: Looseleaf looks at the two of them. She can already see where this is going. Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Ah, the happy topic of racial politics! Sure to lighten any conversation." Looseleaf: "Okay, yeah, no, we're not playing that card," she says. "If it's deception we're worried about, I invite you to... allow me to perform a soul-read of you. Both of you, that is; you too, Oyobi, just to be fair." Oyobi Yamatake: "What? No, why?" Vayen: "I decline." Looseleaf: "It's not thought reading, but I can read alignment and intentions, if you let me." Vayen: "I decline." Looseleaf: "I mean, the alternative is- it is not fun being in a party cleaved down the middle with two sides that mistrust each other!" "Well... okay, I mean. If you decline, I'm not going to do that on you against your will." Oyobi Yamatake: "But- I mean, we're roommates! Don't you trust me?" "Over him?" Looseleaf:"Yeah, but, like, it's not fair that I only check one side, if I'm checking at all." "Fairness is important." Oyobi Yamatake: "..." Vayen: "Don't you have something else to be doing?"

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Vayen. I would like to believe that this is a misunderstanding. But you understand that as of yet, you have done nothing, at all, that indicates that you have any interest whatsoever in preserving our lives on this trip?" Vayen : "...Correct." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Ah." Saelhen blinks... and then chuckles a little. "Ah, ahah, did not think I was going to get that one out of you. That's kind of admirable, honestly." Vayen: He shrugs. "Your well-being is not relevant to my mission statement." "Mine need not be to yours." "Just... pretend I'm not here." Oyobi Yamatake: [I like that, actually. Let's just ditch him in the middle of the night,] Oyobi signs to Saelhen. Looseleaf: "And, what, let you walk into being pinned between spiky magic armor guys again?" "I mean, it's your call, legitimately." Vayen: "I'm fine." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "So you scouted ahead to give us information... despite the fact that you have absolutely no interest in whether we live or die." Vayen: "I scouted ahead to obtain information." "Anything else is your assumption." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Let's say this, for now. Vayen, if you'd like to scout ahead for information, feel free. If you scout ahead for information without telling anyone, and if you return without any information, I will assume you are up to no good. Does that sound fair? Fair-ish?" Vayen: "...Assume what you like." Looseleaf: "...And, if you want us to assume you're not there- well, then, if someone shows up in our rooms at random, that's going to be assumed as an invasion of personal privacy. If Vayen-the-contributing-member-of-the-party doesn't exist, then there's no good reason for you to be in someone else's rooms at night against their will."

Man, what's with this guy? Might as well be wearing a giant neon "I'M EVIL" sign over his head. What a creep-o!

Anyway, in between the interrogation and the wound-dressing, the party searches the bedroom for loot. And loot they find- Looseleaf locates a pillow in an armoire that seems ridiculously comfy. When she naps on it, she finds that she recovers as if taking a long rest during the span of this short rest. It seems too good to be true- so they make some Arcana rolls to see if they can determine the nature of its magic.

Cool! Great! Probably fine!

Looseleaf: well, in that case, i lavishly describe the powerful effects of the best pillow ever, while being all smug about how i got to use it. and then promise that everyone else will get to take turns because i am a good moth. Orluthe Chokorov: "Wow, that's... could I try that next time?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "It was adorable, you realize." "You're like a cloud who's gotten attached to another, puffier cloud." Oyobi Yamatake: "I don't sleep, but that sounds great for you!"

Saelhen, meanwhile, finds in a drawer ~5gp worth of jewelry, and... a rug. Which jumps out, unfurls itself on the floor, and beckons with a tassel to stand on it. Saelhen is by no means willing to fall for whatever trap this is, but Looseleaf...

Looseleaf: If you're not stepping on the obvious flying carpet, Looseleaf will.

But... it's not a flying carpet. It seems to just be a normal carpet, which wants to be stood on more than usual. That's... probably fine, right? Yeah. They opt to take it with them as a pet, because why not?

Looseleaf: "I will name my new pillow Cloudberry, and our new carpet friend Tasselhoff," Looseleaf declares.

They also notice that there's a secret door in the room- it's in the central pillar of the tower, and opens up into a hollow chamber that seems to span the height of the tower. From the inside, with Looseleaf's darkvision, they can spot additional secret doors hidden on the landings to each of the other floors, which were simply missed earlier. There's no obvious way to traverse this shaft, but they keep it in mind. They also keep in mind that there appears to be a basement of the tower, which they didn't notice earlier.

That squared away, the party heads up to the sixth and final floor of the tower.

Benedict I. (GM): This room is... It's large and round, like you might expect, with vaulted ceilings held up by wooden beams built into the central pillar. Right by the stairs is what appears to be a large furnace, with multiple compartments for burning different things. Looseleaf: oh, this isn't the roof. for some reason i was imagining this was the roof itself. i guess the roof is just, like, generic wizard tower shingles? Benedict I. (GM): The roof is sloped and shingled- you can tell there wasn't much up there, and that this appears to be all there is to the interior- no undiscovered attic. There is a large table to the left, a work desk of some description. The main thing of note on that desk- besides a bunch of papers you can't read from here- is a collection of colorful glass bottles with little glowing motes of light inside. There is a very comfy-looking chair by the desk, between the two windows, with a humanoid figure slouched in it. Motionless. Looseleaf: looseleaf would immediately be convinced that these glowing jars are some form of soul-jar- ah, that's probably our wizard Saelhen du Fishercrown: does it look like a corpse? Benedict I. (GM): To the south of you, there's a sort of nice living-room-type area with a rug and two large sofas, which seem excited to have guests. Oh, yeah, looks like a corpse, though you can't tell from this distance for sure. Probably, though. Not visibly breathing. To the very south of the room seems to be... Some sort of sloped basin, sloped down towards drains set into the central pillar. The basin is splashed all over with bloodstains of varying sizes. There is, by the basin, a very large section of the wall and windows that has been smashed open, and rubble and glass has been swept to one side in a pile by the stairs.

The body, on closer inspection, is in fact a corpse. It's not hard to identify him as the wizard who owns the tower, by his age and attire- and it's not hard to identify how he died, by the characteristic pattern of stab wounds in his chest.

The papers on the desk, meanwhile, contain extensive notes on different humanoid nervous systems and their pain responses, much of which is kind of indecipherable just because no one in the party is a neurobiologist. Plus some stuff on various magical interventions and diagrams thereof, which are likewise kind of tough to make sense of. And they're all... about a year old, representing about a month's worth of research. Apparently the archived research is kept somewhere else.

The glowy bottles, as far as they can tell, do some sort of magic with colored light, but the party doesn't experiment with them- they conclude pretty quickly that they have something to do with the nightly magical lightshows visible from outside the tower.

Looseleaf: "So, yeah, this guy definitely died a year ago when he got stabbed with his own four-pronged petard, and since then someone else has been going around and using the petard to assassinate people in Barley," Looseleaf concludes.

Before they do anything else... the couches approach, menacingly. Saelhen volunteers Oyobi as a guinea pig for the "is it safe to sit on the couches", theory- and luckily, that does appear to be the case. The couch she sits on squirms in contentment, much like the rug from earlier.

The other couch flies into a jealous rage and charges.

Quickly enough, Saelhen jumps onto the other couch, sating its sitlust for the time being. So, that potential hazard is nipped in the bud.

Looseleaf gets a 20 on her investigation roll to look around the room, meanwhile. With that, she's able to note that the bloodstains in the basin vary in age, some of them as fresh as a couple weeks old. She also notices there's not much splatter- as if the sources of the bloodstains weren't killed here. Her animism, applied to the floor stones, tells her the same- no echoes of death in the basin.

Also...

Next time: clearing out the rest of the tower!