#tbh those were the only urls I could think of the top of my head

[crabtastrophe]

Tagged by the lovely @deira-luv

I tag @lune--chaos @pursonas @non-gmos and @set-wingedwarrior If you aren’t tagged feel free to do it nevertheless :3

[narisjournal-blog]

These Nights

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: Chuck x Reader

Fluff

Words: 1685

Notes: This was a request from honestly years ago and I’m such an asshole for only just posting this - I’m so so sorry. I haven’t included the name or request as it was quite personal. You know who you are :) This is of course a soft, fluffy, loving Chuck from before The Twist in Supernatural. 

Thanks for reading!

***

Warm water cascaded over your hair and your shoulders, soaking you in a chaotic, relentless stream. 

You had long finished your shower but still you stood unmoving in its grasp.

It was cold out there and dark. You held onto the reprieve a little longer.

You gave a heavy sigh.

‘I wish you would show your face,’ you said. ‘I wish... I need...’ 

you sighed again, shaking your head. 

Standing up, you turned off the shower and stepped out. 

You grabbed a towel and quickly wrapped it round you, shivering. 

Once in your pyjamas you sat heavily on your bed and towelled at your hair. You gave up quickly and curled up on your bed, letting the tears flow. All you could see behind tightly closed lids was his face. Those big blue eyes, both gentle and stern at the same time. Chuck- the god you never knew you needed. 

What would he think of you now? You so desperately wanted to see him, but not like this. He would be so disappointed, you thought. 

‘I wish I could be what you want me to be,’ you choked out. 

You always intended to pray before bed; to check in, pay respects and show you were thankful. Like in the movies, knelt by your bed, peaceful and worthy. 

But it never worked out like that. The more you thought about what you wanted to say, the more overwhelmed you became and realised he would never have the time to sit and listen to all of that. 

You began to shiver, partly from your damp hair but mostly from the despair that was taking hold of you.

You felt the mattress dip and you gasped. Then you felt a warm hand on your back and his calm took over you.

You looked up into big blue eyes, full of concern. 

‘Do you really believe that?’ Said Chuck softly. ‘That I don’t have time for you?’

‘It’s not... I mean... I’m just a giant waste of your time. I’m sorry,’ you cringed. 

‘Please,’ He said. ‘Don’t ever apologise for existing.’ Chuck gave your arm a squeeze. ‘And no, you’re not.’

You wiped your eyes and sat up.

‘You have far more important things and I’ve dragged you here.’

‘With all due respect, y/n, you don’t get to tell me how to spend my time.’

You couldn’t look in his eyes long. They broke you. There was so much love that you just couldn’t handle. 

Your shame made you wish you were alone again. 

‘But you don’t really want me to leave, do you?’ He stated softly. 

You continued looking down at the bed.

After an abnormally long silence you gave the smallest shake of your head and sighed. 

‘Is there anything you want to talk about?’ He said, hand resting on your back just below your damp hair.

You shrugged and stuttered. ‘I ... there’s...’ 

So much, you thought. But I can’t even begin to wrap my brain around it. 

You knew he could hear you.

You know what, sometimes I’m just so tired of trying to figure this all out or having to figure out what I mean or where I belong. Sometimes I need you to just tell me! Sometimes I need...

‘Sometimes words are hard. I understand.’

You held your forehead in your hands, as if in some desperate attempt to hide your face. The man was infuriating. You wanted to scream at him, but all you could do was huff out a breath. He could feel you shaking by now. 

‘But you know sometimes the best way to figure things out and understand your needs is to talk. Even if it seems stupid or redundant to you in this moment.’

‘You’re God,’ you almost whispered. ‘You know everything. It is redundant.’

This is why you were better alone. You drew your knees up to your chest and buried your face in your arms.

‘Look you can just go,’ you mumbled. ‘I’m sorry.’ 

He obviously knew what you were going through but was choosing not to help and you felt embarrassed you had even thought about bringing him here. 

After a long silence you realised his hand had not moved from your back. 

‘I’m not going anywhere.’ 

You lifted your head and chanced a glance sideways at him. Your gaze was met by the brightest blue and a rush of warmth and love flooded you again. You looked away.

‘Ok, here’s a deal. You tell me about one thing that’s on your mind and then no more talking, I promise. Deal?’

You sighed heavily. You spoke as the words formed in your mind, slowly and broken up.

‘I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I feel like...’ you swallowed the lump In Your throat but it didn’t stop your voice from cracking.

‘I feel like I’m not ... not good enough at anything... like I just...’ your voice dropped to a whisper. ‘Take up space.’ 

Chuck rested his head against yours and pulled you into him closer with a sigh. 

He kissed the top of your head and pulled back, brushing hair from your face. His eyes connected with yours and you felt a weight lift of your chest before he had even spoken.

‘Y/N, you matter so much to me. I created you and I have no regrets. I am proud of you every single day because of how strong you are.’

You looked away. ‘I’m not.’

‘Don’t argue with me,’ he said, his voice firm and authoritative now.

Your head whipped back up, surprised by his tone.

Piercing blue charged right through to your soul when he looked into your eyes now.

‘You are strong,’ he affirmed. ‘Strong doesn’t feel easy. You’re stronger than you know.’

Tears began to spill once more, but this time it felt like freedom. For that moment as he held you, you felt truly safe. Loved.

He continued. ‘It might not be clear now. You feel a little lost, I can see that. Trust me. I’ve got you, and you have so much purpose.’

Your shoulders shook as you cried, and he squeezed you once more. Without speaking, he helped you dry your hair, holding you when you shivered.

‘Can you make it warmer?’ you whispered, teeth chattering. He chuckled, pulling the bedcovers back and helping you into bed.

You lay down, curled up on your side and felt Chuck’s warmth move through you as he lay next to you.

You didn’t need to say anything else. You just lay there, allowing yourself to feel safe and relaxing fully for the first time in maybe years. Chuck stroked your hair and said softly, ‘You haven’t been sleeping too good.’

His hand rested on your forehead and you felt a peace radiate from his palm.

‘Goodnight,’ he whispered as you felt your eyelids close and the calm of sleep envelope you.

**

It was already light when you woke, which hadn’t happened for a very long time. Your cheeks flushed with warmth and you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. Your mind slowly uncoiled itself and you rolled onto your back to find the bedsheets beside you cold. He was gone. Of course he was gone.

Had he really meant all those things, or was he just trying to get some peace away from your spiralling thoughts?

You breathed in deeply, trying not to let your mind poison the calm you had felt with him and – was that cinnamon you smelled? You sat up. It was definitely cinnamon. Sweet cinnamon, and you could hear music. No, singing. You could hear singing.

Pulling a hoodie on, you stood up and made your way downstairs towards the sound.

And there in your kitchen, pulling something out of the oven and humming to himself, was Chuck.

He turned as you entered and beamed. ‘Right on time,’ he said.

‘Did you make cinnamon buns?’

‘I know how much you love them, but never have the energy to make them.’ He placed the tray down on the heat proof mat on the side. Mixing bowls lay strewn clumsily about the sink. Of all the thoughts you could have had in that moment, you honestly wondered if God was going to wash the dishes.

‘You’ve made a mess,’ you added, nodding in that direction.

Chuck raised an eyebrow and folded his arms across his chest.

‘I mean… Thank you,’ you garbled. ‘I- thank you. I love them.’ You surveyed the kitchen once again.

‘But couldn’t you just, you know…’ you pointed your finger, indicating using his powers.

‘Ah, that’s no fun,’ he shrugged.

Chuck leaned across to the cafetiere you had forgotten you had and pushed the top down.

‘I thought you’d have gone. I was expecting you to be gone when I woke up.’

Chuck smiled again. ‘I’m never really gone, you know,’ he said. He poured coffee into a mug and handed it to you, the heat sharp against your palm. ‘I’m always here. Next time you taste coffee, remember this moment.’

You sipped the strong liquid and savoured the taste.

‘Next time you lie in bed feeling alone, remember me there next to you.’

‘Next time I wash the dishes, I’ll remember when you used my kitchen,’ you said with a smirk.

‘Next time you taste a cinnamon bun’- you cut him off.

‘I get the idea, Chuck. So are those ready to eat, or what?’

He chuckled as he divided them onto plates and guided you over to the kitchen table.

And for the first time in forever, the day ahead was filled with hope and the promise that you were not doing this alone.

***

Tags:

(I hope I’ve got my list right, I may have missed a few changes people have requested - if I have I’m sorry. My list is a clusterfuck tbh.)

Everything list:

@afanofmanystuffs

@trashforwinchesters

@yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend

@natasha-cole

@greenappleeyes

@bisexualdolphinthings

@i-dont-understand-that-url

@misszombicorn

@lucerospn1detc

@robjackface

Rob/chuck list:

@tas898

@destielschild

@girl-next-door-writes

@winchestergirl-13

@a-banana-for-your-thoughts

@jelly-beans-and-gstrings

@kocswain

@gettingbywithalittlehelp96

@itsfunnierin-enochian

@rblstrash

@megthemewlingquim

@holamishamigos

[zmediaoutlet]

in support of wildfire relief, @jesusonthetortillas​ donated $10, and requested pre-series pining!Sam, with diary discovery. Thank you for donating!

to get your own personalized fic, please see this post. (no longer taking prompts)

After his little lesson from Sabrina, the hot librarian's assistant, it's not hard at all for Dean to find what he's looking for. He drops Sam off at the library the way he usually does, and flirts with Sabrina on his way out like he usually does, but instead of going to his shift at the construction site like Sam thinks he's going to, he circles back around, through the library stacks on the main floor, and waits like a dingus by YOUNG ADULT – ADVENTURE, watching the back of Sam's nerdy, nerdy head where he's hunched at the computer banks, getting up to no kind of good.

It wouldn't have come to this, Dean thinks, if Sam weren't so—he doesn't even know how to think about it. He doesn't know when to pin it down. They were doing okay. Sam ran away, a few years back, but since then he's—well, he's always bitching at Dad and bitching at Dean half the time too, but he's done good in school, he's done his part with the hunting. It was sometime at that last school. September in Maryland. Dad was gone a lot of the time, because Dad always was, and Dean went with him on about half the hunts but Sam got to stay behind, got to just call in research tips and last-minute lore checks, and Dean thought he was pretty happy, as much as Sam ever seemed happy. Chill, just doing his homework at the rickety desk, not complaining any more than usual about Dean's usual dinners of fast food or Kraft or Top Ramen. Seventeen and getting tall and mellowing out, and finally hanging out with his little brother was just fine. Dean thought.

That was two towns ago, three months ago. Dean picks his nails with his pocket knife, leaning on one elbow by the Hardy Boys. Sam's still working away on the computer. Anymore he always is. After school he's always angling for Dean to bring him to the library and if Dean won't drive him then Sam walks, even when it's raining, like it is half the time in frickin Washington, anyway. Always finding a free computer and settling in and disappearing onto the internet. Not coming home until the library closes, and moody if Dean's there when he walks in, and Dean just—he thought they were past all this crap. He thought that maybe Sam had—settled. Figured out how things were, how things had to be.

Well. Either way. Sabrina, with the glasses and the sexy dreads and the legs that very much went all the way to the floor under those wide-legged pants she was always wearing—she gave Dean a computer lesson, free of charge, and he's got a way in, now. Sam won't talk to him, won't hardly look at him. Dean chews the inside of his cheek, watching Sam type on the battered public machine. Sam's not the only one who knows how to research a case, in this family. Dean's going to figure this out. He's gonna fix it.

A bell rings, at five o'clock, like the end of a school day. Sam jerks like he's been shocked and looks up at the ceiling, clearly annoyed. He's been engrossed for two hours, typing away, reading. Real frickin' boring, on Dean's end, but he stayed put. Like staking out a house for a job—nothing to do but wait. He takes a few steps backwards, makes sure the shelves hide his face, and there's a general rustling as people leave—a mom and her kid, and tears because the kid's favorite book wasn't here—and when Dean looks again the computer banks are empty, and Sabrina's checking out the last few patrons, and Sam's—gone. Walking home in the rain, little goth that he is. Fine with Dean, if it gives him a few minutes.

When he settles into the chair Sam was in it's still warm. He opens up Netscape Navigator, the library's homepage welcoming him in a friendly kinda way—big yellow smiley face, that's fun. He goes to where Sabrina taught him, in the menu at the top: view, and then History, where it turns out the computer saves all the webpages you went to just in case you need to find them again, and there—oh, jackpot. Gotcha, Sam.

All kinds of crap. A weather website, a bunch of Ask Jeeves searches, something called DiffEQandU. Some mythology stuff, too, and Dean goes to one that turns out to be a history of kitsune. That's something, at least—Sam doing his important homework, in there with whatever other crap he's been working on.

The last bunch of results are all pages from some website called Livejournal, which Dean's never heard of. He clicks one at random and is brought to—huh. A splashy red page, with a big picture on top of kids graduating from high school in those dorky blue robes. He scrolls down, skimming, looking for the important details among the mess, but it's hard to tell what it is. A forum, it looks like. Kind of like the ones Dean's been on where people trade car parts, or swap ghost stories. A square box, dated yesterday, that says WHEN IS HARVARD'S APP REVIEW???, and a panicky paragraph where some chick might die if she doesn't get in. Another, the day before, with questions about the SAT, and a link that says 43 comments that, when Dean clicks it, brings him to a bunch of apparently teenagers all giving each other tips from some test they're worried about taking.

College. Dean's stomach curls into a knot. It's all—college stuff, applications and tests and deadlines. The usernames are all weird shit: tmntpizzadelivery, quistis4ever, willyshakes. Dean can't tell—is one of these kids Sam?

Sabrina's nearly done with her line of book nerds. Dean rubs a hand over his mouth and clicks away, tries another of the Livejournal results in the history. Another forum, this one apparently about—soccer? Jesus, Sam. Another forum, this one about Conan the Barbarian, and that one's at least easy to snort at, with people's shitty drawings of Red Sonja and excitement about a possible remake. There are personal pages, though, too—one titled Delaware Sucks, in which some girl complains about her life—one titled trent reznor rules my soul, featuring a goth kid who won't shut up about Nine Inch Nails and his bitch of a mother. Another, with a plain blue-and-grey color scheme, with the title on the road, and a new post from today—from an hour ago—with the text just reading, I don't know what to do anymore, and six comments underneath, waiting.

"Hey—ready to go?" Sabrina says.

Dean jerks in his seat. Sabrina's raising her eyebrows at him, behind her glasses, a little smile curving her mouth that promises something a little better than book dust and computer lessons. "I'm always ready," Dean says, grinning, and gets her to roll her eyes—yeah, he's in there—but his eyes drag back to the webpage, the posts. He scrolls down, quick—post after post, waiting to be read. "Real quick—borrow a pen?"

She has one—she's a sexy librarian, of course she has one—and he uncrumples a receipt from his jacket pocket and writes down the URL, careful to get it right. rearviewmirror.livejournal.com. He wants to click on the comments, but.

"Come on, the movie's starting soon," Sabrina says, and Dean closes Netscape, folds the receipt very carefully into his pocket, stands up. He's got a date to make out with a hot chick in the back of a movie theater, and maybe a little more, and Sam's whole Eeyore routine has to take a number. Dean will figure it out. He's got an easy way to run a stakeout, now.

*

December 4

Still can't decide. Anyone else going through this?

current mood: agonized current music: motorhead (AGAIN)

Comments:

teenagehamburger: Yes!! I still don't know where I want to go. Mom wants me to stay close to home, but Delaware sucksssss. Where are you looking?

       rearviewmirror: Anywhere. TBH I'm still not even sure I should apply.

               teenagehamburger: WTF?? Of course you should!! College is the big escape, remember?

 December 1

He's driving me INSANE

current mood: annoyed current music: motorhead (again)

Comments:

bloodofreptile: lol you got it bad

       rearviewmirror: right now I just want to hit him with a brick, actually

teenagehamburger: LOL!! Sorry :(  :(

       rearviewmirror: Sigh. I guess it could be worse, right?

             teenagehamburger: Definitely!! He could be the cute cheerleader from 4th period who doesn't know I exist….

                     coppertonebuttgirl: oh, sorry hammie, that sucks <3

 November 29

The thing is, I don't even want anything crazy? I just want to be—me. Just me, without anyone breathing down my neck. Trig teacher says I could get in to one of the top ten, but I just want to go *anywhere that's not here*

current mood: restless current music: Pearl Jam (home alone!)

Comments:

bloodofreptile: i hear you lol. why don't they get that the rules and hovering and all that shit just makes us want to run faster?

    rearviewmirror: Exactly! My teacher keeps talking about college like it's a place to expand your mind and stuff, and that's fine, but lately I just want to expand my horizons. Kind of ironic?

         bloodofreptile: yeah lol haven't you lived like everywhere?

               rearviewmirror: Feels like it.

teenagehamburger: Is You Know Who going to college too?

 November 18

I feel like it shouldn't be this hard. Normal people have it easy.

current mood: indescribable current music: silence

Comments:

coppertonebuttgirl: feel free to talk to me anytime <3

 November 3

Dad's gone again. Didn't say goodbye. We went to the movies and he gave me a beer, and we watched the stars for an hour in the parking lot even though it was freaking freezing. Happier than I've been in a while. Don’t want it to change but it has to change.

current mood: current music:

Comments:

teenagehamburger: OMG, that sounds so romantic?? I can't believe you were drinking!! Aren't you underage?

     bloodofreptile: lol relax it's not a big deal

           teenagehamburger: I'm just saying!!

coppertonebuttgirl: wish it wasn't hard for you <3

bloodofreptile: dude you've got to say something

     rearviewmirror: I literally can't.

          bloodofreptile: ok but it's gonna drive you crazy. do you even know if he's gay? start with that maybe

*

The posts go on, and on. Reading backwards through time, it's a strange piecing-together. rearviewmirror is active in about ten communities and Dean reads through all of them, that week, bringing an illicit cup of coffee in to the library when he doesn't have a construction shift. He reads with his hand over his mouth and by the time he has to get off the computer he's got a headache, every time, his throat dry and aching.

The journal's been active for six months. Dean clicks through the pages to the very start and reads it in the right order, his heart pounding oddly in his ears. I don't know what this place is. A journal, I guess, considering the name. I just need somewhere to talk where no one will listen.

It's not a pouring-out, like some teenage girl doodling hearts around her crush's initials. He holds back. Never says exactly where they're living, never mentions names. To figure out who it was, you'd have to be one of two other people, and Dean knows that Dad can barely turn on a computer, much less go onto the internet and pore over some teenage angst-fest. Dean spends half his time wishing he were the same. Maybe if he hadn't asked Sabrina for help.

At home, Sam's the same as he always is. Comes home after his own stint at the library, eats the dinner Dean gives him. He reads, most of the time. Does his schoolwork. Dean says, careful one night, "Hey, True Lies is on. Wanna watch?" but Sam only gives him a strange, uncertain look and says, "No, I have a paper due," and he shuts himself into their bedroom with the door very firmly closed, and Dean sits there on the couch alone with a beer and Jamie Lee Curtis being sexy as hell on the fuzzy TV, and he—he doesn't know what to do.

He remembers that day, the looking at the stars day. It was November 2. A nasty anniversary, in their family, and yeah, Dad left. Dean got it. He'd thought Sam did, too, by now. It was better to have Dad gone, on a hunt, than trying to drink himself to death at home in the apartment. At least he was working, that way, and not hurting himself. To distract both of them, Dean picked Sam up from the library and they went straight to the movie theater—the Blair Witch sequel, with Dean providing running commentary about how dumb they were about dealing with ghosts, which at least made Sam grin and elbow him to shut up, even if he was laughing too, the liar—and, yeah, afterward they'd picked up Taco Bell, and then after that Dean swung through the liquor store drive-thru and they parked out, and he let Sam have a beer, and they both sat on the trunk and leaned back against the cold glass or the rear window and didn't really talk, much. The stars, big above them. The night, quiet. Sam was pressed against his side, chilled out and not bitching about anything, and Dean tucked his hand behind his head and he was pretty content with the world, right then. His brother, here, and a six-pack waiting, and nothing happening right then that'd hurt them. Sam smiled at him, that night, before he went to bed. It was sweet—like he used to be, when he was little—and Dean had ended up falling asleep on the couch, watching the public access, but his dreams that night were—good, like they never were on the night of November 2, and it had felt… okay.

do you even know if he's gay?

The college prep—that wasn't a surprise. It hurt but it didn't shock. All his worrying, all his whining, wanting to be 'free'—whatever free meant—it was all part and parcel of the last decade. Dean should've known better. Sam wasn't mellowing out. Sam was a stubborn little shit and he'd always wanted to have a life that wasn't—this.

The gay thing. That hit different. One of the communities Sam followed was for lesbian and gay youth, talking about their coming out experiences. Sam didn't post there much but he commented, asked questions. How do you know? What does it feel like? The hamburger girl was from there, a lesbian chick trapped in some Delaware high school. Encouraging, commiserating. They talked about how college would be their big escape, their chance to go to a big city and find their way. Meet people. Only apparently hamburger girl was crushing on the cheerleader from fourth period, and Sam—

Dean makes an excuse the next day. Saturday: no work for Dean, no school for Sam. Alone in the apartment together, all day, after Dean's week of reading—he can't face it. "Where are you going?" Sam asks, eight a.m. with his hair fucked up and coffee clenched between his hands, and Dean looks at him in his pajama pants and his ratty hand-me-down shirt, skinny and tall and hiding things Dean can't handle, and he says, snappish in a way he doesn't mean to be—"Out, Sam, for christ's sake—" and sees Sam's expression shutter before the apartment door slams behind him.

He goes for a drive, out of town. Cold, threatening rain like it always is, but it won't snow. Out—past the airport, past the suburbs, out to Black Lake. They killed the nymph that was drowning people out here, him and Dad, when they first arrived. Sam stayed home. Sullen on the other end of the line when Dean called to say they'd finished the job, and they were getting burgers for dinner, and did Sam want one. Whatever, Sam had said, like even answering was an imposition. That was November, too.

He sits on the hood, heels braced on the bumper, arms locked around his knees. The lake looks cold. He wants to sink into it, wants to feel that freezing shock, like the polar bear dive he did on a dare back in Illinois. The way the brain just goes blank, tv-static filling up everything and washing all the shit away. All the weird crap you don't want to think about, frozen, and the only thing to focus on just—getting out.

He's not going to dive into the lake. It's nine in the morning and he's wearing his only pair of boots. He hasn't gone out with Sabrina all week. He's been piss-poor at the construction site and McMillan nearly brained him with a hammer yesterday, because Dean wasn't paying attention, and the foreman screamed at him in front of the whole crew. None of that feels close, right now. He breathes the wet-clogged air, cold and mossy, turning his ring restlessly on his finger.

Back at that high school they went to in Raton, Mrs. Encinas in 6th period English told Dean he'd be smart, if he didn't just give up all the time. All he needed to do was take the time to read between the lines, to actually interpret what he was reading and not take things on face value. He made some joke. He doesn't remember what it was, now. Like he didn't know what the fuckin Great Gatsby was saying, when he hoped and hoped and never got what he wanted. When happiness always felt like it was about a thousand miles away, on the other side of a lake he couldn't cross, and hope went out like a snuffed light. Dean can read what's not there. He's done it his whole life.

The problem: Sam's little online journal went back six months. They've lived in four towns, in that time. He never uses names, never puts up anything that'd really identify him. They were in Maryland, August-September-first of October, and it was a comment right at the end of August, on the community for gay kids, talking to the hamburger girl: I like someone, too. He doesn't know. He. The same he that carried forward, through all his journal entries, from Maryland to Washington across whole breadth of the country. He likes classic rock. He drives me nuts. He gave me a beer, and I wanted—

Dean curls forward over his knees, sliding his hands into his hair, breathing hard between his knees. He can read between the lines and he wishes that he couldn't. He wishes—god. What? That Sam would just meet a nice girl and fuck her and get it out of his system? Except how he was writing, it wasn't like it was new. It was something he'd been thinking about. When did you know? had read one of the forum posts, and in the responses, among all the dumb teenage crap about formal dances and jerking off to the wrong person in the music video, there was a comment by username rearviewmirror that said, I broke my leg and he carried me to the car and I wanted to kiss him.

Sam broke his leg in July, the summer he turned fifteen. He'd been trying to stay quiet but he'd had this trapped whimper in his throat that he couldn't stop, and Dad had stayed behind to cover their backs and it had been left to Dean, to scoop Sam up, his whole body quivering with the shock—to hug him close between the trees, humid Georgia night making every place their skin touched slick with sweat—to let Sam cling to his neck, shuddering, and to put a hand on his back and whisper, hey, Sammy, it's not even that bad, huh? no bone sticking out, you did good. we're gonna get you a cast and I'm gonna draw you a great picture, okay, Cindy Crawford with her tits out, right there on your shin and Sam had been so shaky that his laugh sounded like he was crying, but he'd nodded against Dean's neck and chattered out sounds cool, Dean, and when Dean got him to the car Sam hadn't wanted to let him go—so they crawled into the backseat together, Sam still half in his lap and with his arms still tight around Dean's neck. Dad got into the front and frowned at Dean in the rearview, and Dean nodded, and when the car leapt forward Sam gasped and gripped at Dean's shirt when his leg got jostled, and Dean put his hand in Sam's hair and said, it's okay, you're okay, and Sam—wanted to kiss him.

He can't square it. It's like there's some twinned version of his brother, in this place Dean never knew existed. All these secrets he's been hoarding, this other person he's been. These wants that make him a stranger.

He goes back home with stuff for lunch around noon. Sam's reading, in the bedroom. "Got pb&j or grilled cheese," Dean calls, down the shotgun kitchen through the thin-carpeted hall, and Sam calls back, "I'm not hungry," which is a goddamn shit of a lie. He grows like an inch a day, he's never not hungry. Dean braces his hands on the counter and counts to five, in his head. He puts the bread away, and puts the cheese in the fridge. He goes into the living room and turns on the TV and it's college football, which is boring as hell, but it fills the apartment with noise. He wishes Dad were home. He wishes he were hunting.

The Huskies lose. Sam hasn't come out of the room, as far as Dean can tell. He's had—four beers? He looks at the table. Five. It's getting toward dark and it's raining, a-fucking-gain, and Dean's still wearing his jacket and his boots and his ears are cold, because the heater in here sucks, and he's shredded the label of the beer everywhere, everywhere. He brushes it off his knees and that just means it's gonna get ground into the shit-brown carpet, but—who cares. He's got other things on his mind.

He gets the last beer out of the fridge. Should've bought more. "Got some spare cash," he says, to the dark hall. There's a halo of light around the half-closed bedroom door. "Thinking pizza for dinner."

Silence.

Dean pushes the beer bottle against his forehead. "C'mon, Sam. It's not going to kill you to prefer pepperoni or sausage. Just say something."

"Doesn't matter," is the response.

Dean squeezes his eyes closed, slams the bottle down to the counter. It's four steps to the bedroom and the door flies open under his palm. "Just fucking say," Dean says, and Sam's looking at him with big eyes, curled up on the twin bed with his back up against the wall, books spread open all around him. Homework, of course. "Just say it, okay? What do you want?"

Sam stares at him. "I don't care! Get—whatever, pepperoni. Jeez, what's up with you?"

"Sure you don't want sausage?" Dean says, kind of nasty, and Sam frowns, shakes his head. Goddamn it. Dean drags a hand over his face, sags against the door frame. He's—a little dizzy. Oh—okay, so maybe he should've eaten, sometime since this morning. "Damn it, Sam," he says, his stomach twinging.

"What?" Give him this—maybe he's sneaking around, maybe he's lying about half his life, but Sam doesn't shrink back from an argument. He's still in his pajamas. He shoves his notebook away, lifts his chin. "What?"

"Been doing some reading," Dean says, and watches Sam's face scrunch disbelievingly. "Rearviewmirror? You don't even like cars."

It's weirdly satisfying to watch Sam blanch. He's been so unaffected the last little while it's almost a relief to get a real reaction. His mouth parts, his eyes go big. He stares at Dean in total silence except the rain drumming on the roof, and then he says, "That's—private."

"Not that private," Dean says. "You're putting shit on the internet for any asshole to read, Sam. It's not a pretty princess diary with a sparkly lock."

Sam's face is white. He licks his lips, his back rigid against the wall. "How did you—you never—"

"I know how to use a friggin computer," Dean says, and watches Sam close his eyes. "So? Got a lot to say to a bunch of strangers. Might as well say it to me. I mean, I'm your brother, right? Family."

It comes out hard but his voice cracks, on the last word. He swallows and some of the anger dissipates. Sam's jaw flexes and he tucks his hands behind his neck and his knees drag in, like defense. Like he needs defense. Against Dean. Like it's Dean who's wrecking things.

Dean's legs go out from under him. He sits down. Right there, in the doorway to the bedroom, the frame hard against his spine. The rain's loud and he doesn't—what is there to say? "You should've told me."

That's really it. Sam looks at him. Disbelief. "How?" he says, and Dean tips his head back against the wall, looks at the popcorn ceiling, says, "I don't know, it's not my damn secret. But you should've."

"Yeah, that would've gone great," Sam says, sarcastic.

Silence. The rain. Dean drags his hand over his face again, clears his throat. "So. You're—queer." For some reason it seems like the simplest thing to start with.

Sam snorts. "I'm not, like, jerking off to JC Chasez," he says, bitter.

"Who?" Dean says, but shakes his head. "God, whatever. Jesus, Sam, I can't—don't talk about you jerking off. You're not—you don't date chicks, either. Ever. So you're—"

"I don't know," Sam says. Kind of firm. Dean closes his eyes to not look at him. "I don't know, okay? But that's not what—" Pause, while he drags in a breath that's audible across the room. Dean curls over, his forehead between his knees. It's too big to hear. Sam blows out air. "You read the whole thing?"

Frail. Cobweb soft, like if Dean breathed too hard it'd break. Dean folds his hands over his head. "I read the whole thing," he says.

"Don't—" Sam says, quick, and cuts himself off. Dean can't stand it—he looks, peeking up, and Sam's made himself small, there at the head of the bed. His mouth is small, his lips between his teeth—his eyes, big and scared. "Dean. I wouldn't—I swear. I wouldn't—"

"Kiss me?" Sam flinches like from a raised fist, when Dean's all the way over here. Dean licks his lips, dropping his hands so they dangle useless between his knees. "Or, what. Leave? Either way it's pretty fucked up, for me, Sam."

"Oh my god," Sam says, very quietly, and—christ. Looks like he's gonna cry.

"Sam," Dean says, and no matter how pissed he is, that's not—Sam fights back. Sam always fights back, he's frickin' annoying that way. He's not supposed to crack like this. Dean rolls up to his knees and Sam's looking away, neck craned unnaturally so that his face is pointed at the broken-blind-covered window so that Dean can't see, but Dean can—Dean can see his teeth so hard in his lip that the skin there's white, and his chest shaky, and his fist clenched in the thin fabric of his pajama bottoms, and, and—"Sammy," Dean says, again, and Sam's eyes close and there is—shit, shit, a tear, running fast out of the corner of his eye, streaking down his cheek so quick that if Dean could blink he might've missed it.

Dean's gut hurts, like he took a punch from a werewolf and he's gonna be bruised for the next three weeks. He doesn't have anything to say to make it better, not when it's this screwed up. This isn't Sam bitching about Dad or whining about crossbow practice or pouting about a move. Sam's been thinking about this for two years and he's managed to talk about it with people, online at least. Dean's coming at it with a week's slow raw realization and he doesn't know how to make it—not how it is.

He gets over to the bed, on his knees. Sam won't look at him, like the view of nothing through the blinds is the most fascinating thing in the world. There's a wet shining trail, down his cheek to his jaw. A damp circle on his t-shirt. Dean says, because he can't think of what else to say, "You really—you want—" and even then, can't articulate it. A kiss. Sex. A kind of close they've never been. He says, slower, "Is that why you want to go?"

Sam drags in air. Sounds like it hurts.

Dean drags his teeth over his lip. There are books all over the bed. He pushes them away, and Sam's notebook. He pushes up—knee on the mattress, and sinking down to his hip, and Sam's close enough to touch, now, and he jerks and looks at Dean like he's an alien. A ghost. Something that can't be real, only they both know that it is. Dean touches Sam's hand, fisted there in his pants, and Sam jerks again, his stiff shoulders back against the wall, and he shoves Dean's hand but no matter the crazy growth spurt Sam's been having Dean's still stronger, still has the reach—he grips Sam's wrist and yanks, gets him off balance, and then he's right inside Sam's grapple and has his hand flat on Sam's chest, pressing him harder against the paint, and Sam stares at him wild-eyed with his breath both fast and deep and Dean leans forward and presses their mouths together. It's a bad kiss—he barely hits on center, and Sam freezes—but there's the touch of warmth, Sam's lips—soft—and the shocked air hitting Dean's face—and Dean drags in breath through his nose and resettles, fits his mouth to Sam's soft open lower lip and makes it better, his head tipping, easy pressure there, just the faintest amount of suction so that when he pulls back a millimeter there's a little smooch sound, and that makes it—real.

He kissed his little brother. No getting around that. No pretending. His nose brushes Sam's cheek and Sam's not really breathing, and Dean—fuck, Dean does it again, pressing in and letting Sam's wrist go so that he can get a hand on Sam's jaw, tipping him so it's good. Sam makes a tiny noise and breathes out hard against his mouth, and when Dean kisses him for a third time Sam meets it, his lips moving finally out of that still shock, his fingertips brushing Dean's arm all careful, his heart pounding under Dean's hand.

Dean pulls back. An inch between them—not enough but all Dean can seem to manage. He swallows. His lips are tingling, and his eyes are closed and he doesn't want to open them, and his fingers—jesus, he's got them tangled in Sam's hair like Sam's some easy hot chick he's picked up at a dive bar, pressing her up against the wall in the bathroom hallway, knowing how the night's going to end.

"We can't," Sam says. Sam. His voice, steady and familiar. "We—Dean. This isn't—"

"No," Dean says, god knows why. He pulls back, though—pulls his hand out of Sam's hair, stands up. His legs wobble for a second. He has to open his eyes and so he drags in a breath and does, and Sam's sitting there with his shoulders high and tight and his hands fisted on his knees and his hair a little fluffed on one side, a little screwy. His mouth parted and his eyes—fixed on Dean's face, looking all over it. Like he's memorizing a trail map, for an unknown stretch of land.

"I'm drunk," Dean says. It's not true. Five beers—he's buzzed but he knows what he's doing. Sam doesn't contradict the lie. "Acting nuts. Sorry, Sam. I—"

"I want pepperoni," Sam says. His face isn't white anymore. He's flushed, dark pink in the hollows of his cheeks. His eyes are dark, wide and fixed on Dean, and there's still that shining trail on his cheek but it's drying. "Order from that place on Melrose. Garlic knots, too."

Dean backs up a step, pins on a smile. "What, you think I'm dumb? Like I wouldn't get knots," he says, and Sam doesn't smile but he nods, brief and fast like Dean's picking up a play in some con they're running, and Dean snaps a finger-gun at Sam—fuck, what is he doing—and turns out of the room, says—"Okay, dinner in thirty minutes or less or your money back!" and walks through the kitchen and out into the living room and out the front door, and closes it behind himself, and leans against it and stares blindly out into the rain, the setting sun still sparking some tiny golden bit of light out to the west, past the horizon.

He licks his lips and tastes salt, not his own. Sam's hand, on his arm—skimming, brushing light through the thickness of his jacket. Like he wasn't sure he'd be allowed to really touch. He drags in the rain-soaked air. He'll drive, to get the pizza. He'll drive, and he'll give Sam time. When he gets back he'll offer Sam half the pie and a beer, and there'll be some movie on TV that Sam probably won't want to watch, but maybe he will. They'll be—brothers. Dean knows how to do that. It feels like it's all he's got left.

*

It's—not easy but it's not all that hard, either. There's a brutal week where Dean's torn between walking on eggshells and wanting to wrestle Sam to the ground, and Sam goes perfectly silent—not pouty withdrawal or furious silent-treatment, but as still and quiet as though he's not even there. Dean can't bear it. It takes Dad coming home to break it—Dad, and christ, when he calls to say he's coming back Dean completely freezes and his mind fills up with—with—but then Sam looks at him and takes the phone out of his hand and says, his mouth's full—what's up? and after that it's like things… settle. It's not okay but it's livable.

rearviewmirror.livejournal.com goes quiet. Dean checks, occasionally, over the months that pass. When he's looking up some random piece of lore for Dad, when they're hunting alone and Sam's stuck back at whatever shitty hotel they stored him at, and Dean's on research duty because Sam's in high school and can't answer his phone. Dean types in the address and checks, and it's still that last post. Anyone else going through this? He hopes, sincerely, not. It's too fucked up for anyone else to bear. At least the Winchesters have practice.

They run PT. Sam does his homework. Dean watches TV. Hunting focuses things. There's stuff to kill and people to save and things aren't falling apart any more than they ever are, so—Dean deals.

Sam leaves.

*

It's January. Dean's in a library, alone. Dad's working a job north of Boise and he sent Dean down to Wendover to take care of a haunting, and Dean's done and Dad called and said two more days and there's this raw wounded spot where Dean should be able to turn, to look over his left shoulder and say—but it's empty there, and so he's in a library.

Sam started posting again, when he got to school. Small stuff. That he was sorry for the long break. That he'd ended up at a university after all. The hamburger girl doesn't respond anymore but the Nine Inch Nails boy does: thought you were dead, he says, no-caps like he's so goddamn cool, and Sam says, Just working some stuff out.

Sam likes his professors. He plays pick-up soccer with some of the guys from his dorm. His roommate snores. He doesn't listen to music at all. There's nothing—real. There's none of the sadboy shit, nothing about what he's feeling, no pondering of what it all means. He picks up a few different Livejournal friends, clearly people from his classes, who crack jokes about Ancient Civ and Linear Algebra. He joins a community focused around civil rights litigation. He might as well not be there.

Dean reads it all. If Sam's not calling then Dean's gonna check in whatever way he can. When Sam left Dean made sure he had at least one good knife in his bag and he said don't forget the salt when Sam hiked his backpack onto his shoulder, and Sam snorted and looked at him like a gunshot but he nodded, and Sam's not dumb, he knows how to take care of himself, but. Dean's the big brother, here. He's within his rights, to check and make sure baby bro's not being a dumbass.

January and it's fuckin cold, in Wendover, but the library's too warm. Dean keeps his coat on anyway, scrolling through the comms. He's kinda turning into an expert, navigating the pages, recognizing the shorthand. He hasn't made an account. Doesn't know why he would. He finishes his scan of the comms Sam's part of and doesn't really see any relevant posts, and no comments from rearviewmirror that he can find. He chews his cheek and goes back to the main page, thinking—okay, he can get out of here. Beer and dinner, and finding a motel that doesn't look toxic, and waiting for Dad to call. Not the worst night he could have. He refreshes, one last time, just in case, and there's a new post. He reads:

January 23

Done with class for the week. Feeling restless.

current mood: current music:

Comments:

lawblog69: we should go out!!

bloodofreptile: go get laid

Dean snorts. At least the NIN kid is consistent. He refreshes again and there's a new comment.

bloodofreptile: go get laid

    rearviewmirror: Not really in the cards.

He takes a breath, sitting there at the computer bank. It's quiet in here—the good people of Wendover aren't much for the library, apparently—but he feels like someone's right there. Like he could reach out and touch, when it's just words on a glowing screen. Still—the speed of the comment—Sam's… sitting there. Right now, on a computer in Palo Alto, looking at the same thing Dean is.

He refreshes.

bloodofreptile: go get laid

    rearviewmirror: Not really in the cards.

        bloodofreptile: still holding onto that? very hufflepuff. how long has it been?

              rearviewmirror: my whole life

Dean presses his knuckles to his lips, hard enough that he can feel his teeth pressing back. Jesus, Sam. He refreshes—another comment, from coppertonebuttgirl, agreeing about the restlessness but apparently she's off to a date with her boyfriend, and Sam responds and says sounds nice :), and jesus, Sam, Dean thinks. Off to have the big college experience like he wanted so bad, off to have that new shiny life, and after five months away he's still all sadsack, still not actually living.

He clicks the comment box. He types, unaccountably mad. He hits submit, and gets a warning that it'll show as anonymous. He waits, and refreshes, and reads:

Anonymous: Just go hit a bar. Live a little. Thought you were supposed to be smart, college boy.

     rearviewmirror: Since when does smart have anything to do with it?

Dean rolls his eyes. He can hear Sam's voice saying it, nettled and trying to sound like he isn't.

Anonymous: You're on here mooning after Cindy Crawford when Claudia Schiffer and Tyra Banks are out there in the real world. Have a beer, get over it.

A pause. Dean has to refresh twice. The librarian walks by with her cart of books and gives him a distracted smile, and Dean's so addled he doesn't actually process and then return it until she's already gone.

rearviewmirror: I don't think it's something you get over. It mattered. It still does, to me.

Dean chews his thumbnail. Sam's face, turned unnaturally, looking out that window at the rain. The wet track, on his cheek.

Anonymous: Matters enough that you're never going to move on?

    rearviewmirror: I didn't think you could move on from family. Maybe I was wrong.

The air goes out of Dean's chest. He turns away from the computer, entirely, swiveling the chair so he's looking out at the lonely bookshelves. He flexes his jaw and swivels back around. Hits refresh.

The thread of comments is gone. He blinks, confused. He doesn't think he was hallucinating—been a while, since he was that tired and drunk. But—oh—in its place, a single comment, under the brief conversation with the NIN kid:

rearviewmirror: Tell me if it's you.

Dean licks his lips. He closes out of the browser, picks up his notepad and keys. On the steps outside it's cold, cold, fucking cold, and this town is bleak. He walks down to the Impala, waiting there in the iced-over grey snow, and braces his hands on the hood, and blows out a long purling winter-dragon breath, and then fishes his phone out of his pocket. Another new phone, but he's got Sam's number memorized, and he almost calls before he chickens out. If it's not actually wanted—he imagines that conversation and he's just not constitutionally capable, right now, of facing how goddamn awkward it'd be.

He texts: It's me.

The response, after seconds: Where are you?

The shitty part of Utah. That's saying something. Easier, like this. Like it's not him kicking down a doorway right into Sam's head.

I don't have class tomorrow.

Could be random, if he didn't know who he was talking to. Dean leans his elbows on the hood of the car, looking at the little box of black-and-white text. He chews his lips and thinks. Before he can respond, another message:

I don't want to move on.

Dean tips his head enough that he's pressing the edge of the phone into his forehead. His fingers are cold. He sniffs, his nose dripping in the icy weather, and types, careful to make sure he gets it right: I'm nine hours away.

Less, if he goes over 100 in the boring parts of Nevada, and if he doesn't stop at all for a catnap.

Stop in Reno for a nap. You get weird when you drive all night. Text me when you're close.

Dean works his jaw, standing there in the cold. He's got nothing to do, for two days. He's got most of a tank of gas. He's got—nothing. Nothing. He gets in the car, and he drives.

It's only 9:30 when he gets to Reno. There were parts of Nevada where he drove very, very fast. He pulls into a truck stop, gets more gas and parks out near where the semis are lined up, the drivers early-birding the night away. Still cold here but less so. He twists around so his back's to the passenger door and looks out the driver window at the neon signs of the truck stop, the cars going in and out of the gas islands. He ate a little but his stomach was all twisted up and he couldn't get much down. A beer would go easier but he doesn't want to be drunk. Well. He does. This is insane. This is—completely stupid.

He pulls out his phone, looks at it. Dials and holds it to his ear, and it rings three times—long enough for him to change his mind four times—before there's an answer, and Sam's voice says, "Dean?"

His voice. Dean closes his eyes, tips his head back against the cold glass of the window. "Long time, no speak," Dean says. It feels rusty.

Sam's quiet for a second, on the other end. "Not really, though. Right?"

"I guess so. It's not the same." Dean listens to the little acknowledging sound Sam makes. There's silence again, for seconds that he counts—one and then two and then three. He listens to the cooling tick of the engine, through it, and then says, before he loses his nerve, "I shouldn't come. Right? This is nuts."

There's some noise, staticky. Like something passed over the mic on Sam's phone. After a beat, Sam says, "You should do what you want to do."

"Oh, should I," Dean says, and it comes out sarcastic, but he doesn't really mean it to be mean. Sam doesn't take the bait, staying quiet on the other end, and Dean opens his eyes again, watching a huge truck muscle past the gas island, watching the normal world go by. He rubs his eye. "I've been—it's been weird, Sam."

Understatement, but he doesn't know why he says it. That kind of stuff isn't for Sam to worry about.

"Go to sleep," Sam says, instead of responding. "An hour or something, just enough so you won't drive off the road. Text me when you're close."

Same thing he said before. "It'll be like three in the morning when I'm close," Dean says, and Sam says, "I'll be awake," and then the line disconnects, and Dean's left there alone again on the bench seat, but it—feels different.

He sort of sleeps, sort of doesn't. He's got a talent for going to bed wherever and whenever he has to—on spare tires and on forest floors and in a closet, once, with a propane tank as his pillow—but his brain won't shut up. He drifts in and out, for the hour Sam asked him for, and then he gets out of the car and goes into the 24-hour c-store and buys a big cup of coffee and a Hershey bar, and points the hood west, and follows the yellow dashed line home.

He texts from a gas station outside Sacramento. Sam texts back in less than a minute with an address. Dean glances at his map of California and responds: 45 minutes, and it's more like thirty when he pulls up to the—yeah, the motel, and he makes a sound that's sort of like a laugh except it doesn't feel like one. He turns into the parking lot and the headlights flash the building, and there, sitting on the sidewalk with his back to a pillar.

Dean parks. Sam has his arms folded over his knees, but he unfurls, stands. Dean gets out of the car and Sam's—jesus, ten feet away, his face totally visible under the streetlight. His hair's a little longer. "Did you get taller?" Dean says, and Sam huffs, his head ducking, and—fuck everything else, it's Dean's little brother, and he drags Sam into a hug, folding his arms over Sam's shoulders even if he has to lift on his toes a little to do it. Sam goes stiff for half a second, but he hugs back, and Dean turns his face in, Sam's hair in his nose like it always is, and feels him—warm, and safe. All Dean ever wanted for him, pretty much.

"You have to get the room," Sam says, when they pull apart. At Dean's eyebrows he shrugs, the corner of his mouth curled. "What? My scholarship doesn't include seedy rent by the hour stuff."

"Oversight much?" Dean says, but he goes in, and he gets a room. Two queens, because that's what the tired miserable little desk clerk says they have available. Means Dean doesn't have to think about other possibilities, and it means that when he dangles the keys off his finger and Sam half-smiles at him, when they've walked down the cold sidewalk side by side, when Dean opens the door and finds the different motel room, same as the first—Sam sits on one bed, and Dean sits on the other, and they look at each other, and it's like it's two years ago and they're just two kids, waiting for Dad to come home.

Sam is taller. Taller than Dean, now. His hair long enough to fall in his eyes, which it does constantly. Newish sneakers, and old jeans, and a hooded sweatshirt, and a denim jacket over the top of that. Not warm enough for the Bay in winter, but Dean bites his tongue before he says anything about it.

"How are your classes?" he says, instead.

Sam's cheek sucks in, like he's chewing it. After a second he says, "You don't want to talk about my classes, man." His head tips. "Anyway. You read about it, right."

It was a mistake not to stop for beer. Dean needs something to do with his hands. "Your algebra professor sounds like an asshole," he says.

Makes Sam smile before he ducks his head, looking down at his lap. "I thought—" He swallows, audibly. He shakes his head, his hair falling down and hiding his face. "Only reason I started posting again was that I wondered if you might still—if you'd check."

It's quiet, honest. Dean hasn't talked to Sam in person for half a year and he's off-balance. Expecting Sam to snark, to be dismissive, to roll his eyes. Small hours of the morning, maybe he's too tired not to be honest. Maybe he's growing up. Dean's not prepared for that.

Sam looks up at him when Dean's silent for too long. His teeth dig into the corner of his mouth and he drags his hand through his hair, gets it off his forehead. "I said I didn't want to move on. You know what I meant, right?"

Dean huffs. "Yeah, I'm not an idiot, Sam," he says, and Sam's eyes tighten. Dean leans back on his hands, tips his head back on his shoulders to look at the ceiling. "Thought this was the whole point of getting out. Getting away, making a whole new life. Being someone else."

"I'm still me," Sam says, unseen. "And it wasn't the whole point. I want a life. That part—whatever, that doesn't matter right now. But I never thought the other thing was going to go away."

He stands up, so Dean can see him. Dean looks at him down his nose, and Sam's—god. Tall. That keeps being his first thought. Tall, and maybe not a stranger, even if he's real damn strange. Sam steps closer, in the little space between the two beds, chewing his lip again. He's gonna make a sore there. "Dean," he says, and Dean raises his eyebrows in response. "You came."

"Yeah," Dean says, rueful. "Well. I'm Cindy Crawford."

Sam's face ripples—a frown, surprise—and then a huffed little laugh—and then he steps between Dean's knees and touches his chest, his jaw. Leans down, slow, telegraphing like they're practicing a fight, and Dean stays exactly where he is, leaned back on his hands, and Sam's mouth touches his—softly. Not hesitant. Dean lets his eyes close and feels it. Puff of air against his face as Sam lets out a tense breath and then another kiss, the damp inside Sam's lip catching against Dean's, and Dean kisses back then, reaching up and getting Sam's jaw, his jacket, fisting the denim and pulling Sam closer. There's a stagger—Sam's knee landing on the bed by Dean's hip, and Dean gets an arm around his lower back and kisses him again, tasting him. Salt, and when Dean kisses him again and presses his mouth open, licks inside, there's coffee-taste, Sam's tongue—slick, tentative—he stayed up, to wait for Dean—his kiss clumsier now, like he doesn't have much practice.

Dean pulls back a few inches. Sam's half-draped on him, his weight nearly in Dean's lap. His eyes are dark but big with surprise, like he didn't expect Dean to go with it. "Sammy," Dean says, and Sam—shudders, his hands closing hard around Dean's shoulders. Okay, Dean thinks, filing that away. He drags a thumb over Sam's jaw, where he's got a barely-there prickle of stubble. "What are we doing?"

Sam shakes his head, licks his lips. "This," he says, holding the side of Dean's neck. "This."

They peel Sam's jacket off, and then Dean's. Sam's still in that hoodie, soft black, and Dean gets his fingers just under the hem of it, barely grazing Sam's stomach, kissing him again—tangled up close on the edge of the bed, Sam's thigh slung over his. Sam keeps touching his face, his chest. His amulet, swinging forward between them when he urges Sam down to his back on the mattress, a knee between Sam's and his hand still there on Sam's belly. Sam grips the amulet and breathes out hot against Dean's face and lifts up for another kiss, which Dean gives him easy, and it's—god, it's good. The lights on, the room warm, Sam wanting underneath his hand. His mouth, slick and open, learning how to press back, how to give as good as he's getting. Dean kisses his cheekbone, his jaw, settles his hand flat on Sam's stomach to ground him, says, "Sammy, you've done this before, right?" Sam hitches breath, nods. Dean sorta laughs, lifts up so he can actually see Sam's expression. "More than once?"

"Twice," Sam says, and when Dean raises his eyebrows he frowns, vaguely indignant. "Jenny Morrison, just before graduation." He licks his lips. "And—a guy. After student orientation, here."

"Playing the field, huh?" Dean says. There's no reason it should make his stomach go molten hot. He rubs Sam's stomach, feels the rise of his breath. "You like it?" Sam nods, again. "What'd you do?"

Sam's cheeks are dark, brick-red. He licks his lips again and Dean ducks back in to kiss him, knocking his mouth open, tasting inside. Earns himself a small deep noise and Sam's hand sliding through his hair where it's too short to grab. He nudges Sam's nose and sits up, peeling off his overshirt. "C'mon. What'd you do? Didn't put that up on your journal, how am I supposed to know?"

"It was a rush party," Sam says, looking at him. He pulls his t-shirt off over his head, making sure his amulet stays put, and Sam blinks heavily, his lips parted. Jeez—it's weird. Hot. Sam wants him, Dean thinks, and it sends a rush of blood south. "He's—uh. Pre-med, smart."

"Not looking for his biography, Sammy," Dean says, and spreads his hands on Sam's hips, pushing up. The hoodie moves, the t-shirt underneath rucks up—Sam's pale here but still that faint all-over tan, darker than Dean's skin. He licks his lips. "What'd you do? Jerk each other off?"

Sam nods, again, his mouth open. God, Dean can imagine it. On some dorm-room bed, their heads leaned together, Sam's mouth open just like this—panting, his hand fumbling down—fuck, fuck it's hot, Sam nervous and into it and trying, making sure. "You liked it, huh?" Dean says, stroking his thumbs over Sam's bare belly.

"Yeah," Sam says, thin on not enough air, his knee drawing up. "But I—I thought about—when you kissed me—" and Dean kisses him again, groaning. Jesus, Sam's gonna kill him. Thinking about some shitty nervous freaked-out kiss when another guy's got his tongue in Sam's mouth. Sam grabs his shoulders, sits up, and Dean accommodates him easy, letting Sam touch him back—Sam's hands sliding down his chest, around to his ribs, grasping. "Dean," he says, panting.

"Let's get this off, huh?" Dean says, pulling, and Sam yanks the hoodie off in a second flat, his hair all ruffling up behind it. The shirt comes with it and there's just Sammy's bare smooth skin, that same pale tan all over. Small brownish nipples, slim muscles. His body. Dean dips and kisses his bare shoulder, licking there, biting, and Sam's nails dig into his ribs so he does it again, swinging a leg over so he's straddling Sam's lap, taking his time. He scrapes his teeth over the swell where Sam's collarbone dips into the arch of his trap, and Sam grips his neck, his back arching. He's hard. Shit, he's nineteen, he has to be hard. Dean slides his fingers down Sam's belly to his belt, tucking under the waist of his jeans, but Sam grips his wrist, then, groaning, saying—"Wait—wait—"

Dean drops his head to Sam's shoulder, groaning back. "We waited," he says, but Sam's hand is on his shoulder, pushing him back, making him look. "What?"

Sam's pink. "Have you—with a guy?" Dean rocks back but Sam's holding him close, looking all over his face. "Dean. Have you—"

"Yeah," Dean says, and watches Sam's ears go red. Sam doesn't need to know when, but it was all in the last year. Three dudes, hookups that were way too easy. They were good—turns out that Dean just likes sex, any way someone will give it to him—and he learned what it felt like to have a dick not his own in his hand, how it felt to slip a cock into his mouth and make a man groan. He hadn't thought about Sam while he was doing it, not really, but he's thinking about it now, and Sam's eyes have dropped, his lips between his teeth. Jealous? Dean smiles while Sam can't see and breaks Sam's hold on his wrist, and slides his hand down, and cups the crotch of Sam's jeans where he's swelling them out. Sam jerks, eyes flying open. "Means I know what I'm doing. Yeah?"

"Yeah," Sam breathes, and then it's—undoing his belt, and unzipping, and then—god, he's still got his sneakers on. Dean backs off and kicks off his boots, deliberately, and Sam blinks at him hot-eyed with his chest heaving and his jeans half-open looking like a friggin porno, but then he gets with the program, and the shoes thud to the shitty carpet and then they're practically racing, undressing, and when Dean kicks his boxers off to the side Sam's—naked, half on the bed, staring at him. Dean stares back, circling a hand around Sam's ankle. God, to look at him, in the lamplight. Long legs, hairier on the shins and lightly furred on the thighs, and a decent dark bush around a dick that's—jesus, that dick. Big, bigger than Dean's, bigger than—Dean licks his lips and looks up with an effort and Sam's staring right back at him, focused between his legs, his mouth parted. "Like what you see?" Dean says, and Sam doesn't answer, just reaches for him, and Dean crawls up the bed and settles on his elbow above Sam with their legs brushing bare, Sam's dick hot against his hip, and Sam kisses him with both hands on his face, his thigh dragging up against Dean's, his lips almost trembly.

Dean soothes a hand down Sam's ribs but Sam's—fuck. Shaking. They haven't even done anything. "Sammy," Dean whispers, between Sam's needing brief kisses, and Sam shakes his head and kisses him again and then ducks his head down, his nose brushing under Dean's jaw. Dean pulls Sam closer—tips, so they're on their sides—and pulls Sam's leg over his hip, pushes in, and—ah, shit, shit that feels good, Sam's big dick brushing in against his, dragging heavy and hot. "Oh," says Sam, small, and Dean slips his hand further and grips Sam's ass, the muscle tight and small—pulls in, and pulls again, encouraging, and Sam grips Dean's shoulder underhand tight enough to hurt but follows, pushing in with the rhythm Dean's urging. He's breathing fast, hot against Dean's throat, but he's got it—humping in, meeting Dean, making their dicks slide, his cockhead smearing wet against Dean's belly. Dean hums, kissing Sam's temple where he can just reach it, just enjoying the—insane way it feels. He lets Sam's ass go and Sam keeps going—good, good—and he licks his fingers sloppy, and reaches down between them, and for the first time he gets a grip on Sam's dick, feels the heft of it. Sam makes a sound like he's been shot and Dean says shh, easy, slicking his hand down to the base, squeezing hard as he pulls back up, and Sam makes another gulping strange sound, his thigh clutching hard around Dean's hip, his hand crushing Dean's lower back in closer. "That feel good?" Dean says, and Sam—comes. Fast, humping in, spurting up Dean's belly and his own, the slick getting all over Dean's dick, hot and wet, the sensation enormous. Dean squeezes him through it, knowing, and Sam humps in again and grabs his ass, nails digging in. Dean tips his head back, feeling it. God, it's good. Sam. His brother.

He swallows. His dick's throbbing, wanting more, feeling left behind. Sammy shudders and Dean licks his lips, pushes Sam back so his shoulders hit the bed. He flops—boneless, shocked—and Dean drags his hands over Sam's ribs, frames his hips. His dick is still big, flushed and wet, his balls clutched up high, and Dean licks his lips and says, "Okay," to no one, and leans down, and gets Sam's dick in his mouth.

A shock, Sam's body practically lifting off the bed. "What," he says, somewhere Dean can't see him—"What are you, oh—" and Dean thinks, oh, what if no one has done this? What if Jenny just opened her legs and she and Sam humped awkward and teenage in some backseat—what if pre-med only wiped his handful of Sam's jizz on the mattress and passed out—what if Dean's the first one, here, opening his jaw wide, careful of his teeth, slicking down, getting the whole fat length of it in his mouth. Only—he can't, fuck, Sam's too big. He fists the base, pulls off, spits and slicks the wet down. When he glances up Sam's up on his elbows, staring, and Dean grins at him, jerks it again, swallows. He can taste Sam's jizz, leftover from coming before. "Hang on," Dean says, and goes back down, letting the head bust his lips open, slicking tight down to his fist, dragging his tongue hard against the underside, suckling easy. Sam takes his statement as an order and grips his head, his shoulder, his hips cringing up into Dean's mouth, and Dean heaves in air, feels Sam firming up again, thick and needing and good.

He's only done this a few times but he—shit, he liked it. Likes it better the other way around, of course, but like this—his dick pressing into the bed, throbbing—Sam splitting open his mouth—yeah, it doesn't exactly suck. He bobs up and down, making sure to pay special attention to the soft ridge at the head, and Sam's making insane noises, now, up above him, petting his head and his shoulders and gripping, trying to shove up. Dean leans into his hip so he can't, fists his dick, pulls off gasping and licking his lips. Sam's still staring, down the length of his torso, and Dean jerks him through the goopy mess they're making—his spit, Sam's precome, what Sam's already come. "You like it?" Dean says, and Sam—rolls his eyes, the little shit.

"You're smug," Sam says, and Dean raises his eyebrows and says, "You're damn right I am," and lets Sam's dick go and goes down, down, no fist in the way until Sam's dick hits the back of his throat and he gags—breathes through it—slurps up with tight lips and then goes right back down, getting his throat used to it, learning the feel of this massive, awesome dick. Sam moans, pushes his hips up, and Dean lets him, rides it—lets Sam fuck up, lets him get a rhythm, like fucking—Sam, fucking his face—and Dean reaches down between his own legs and fists his own dick, finally, groaning in relief and making Sam shudder as the vibration rumbles through Dean's open throat. Sam grips his head with both hands, holding him down, and Dean drags in air through his nose and holds there, filled up with Sam and choking, spit flooding out of his open mouth—the world dark and just Sam's taste, his smell—and Sam makes a little sound—and Dean grunts and lifts off, breaks Sam's hold and crawls up his body, straddling his hips and dragging his dick against where Sam's is all sloppy-hot, dripping wet. Sam gasps up at him and grabs his hips, his ass, fucking up into him, and Dean grips both their dicks in two hands, fucking into the tight wet channel he's making for them both, and Sam pulls at his ass, spreading it, rocking his hips to help, moaning and looking helpless up into Dean's face, and Dean leans down and breathes against him and Sam still comes first, creaming them both, his dick flexing and twitching in Dean's grip, and Dean braces one slick hand on the bed and fists himself seriously, jerking fast, and Sam moans and kisses his jaw and pulls at his ass with those big hands, his fingers slipping low, dipping—and Dean jerks and spills, his belly seizing, his thighs clamping around Sam's hips, Sam's lips open and dragging wet against his throat, his fist gripping the bedspread so hard that his fingers cramp.

Sam's stroking his hips, repetitive and soft, when he's done panting. Dean swallows, shifts his weight. He's slumped on top of Sam, his face buried in Sam's shoulder. Wet between them, sliding, and he releases his dick and slips his sticky hand out, bracing on the bed enough to get some air between them. When he lifts up Sam's eyes are half-closed, but he focuses on Dean's face right away, and his hands stop their stroking and just squeeze, warm and tight. "You okay?" Sam says.

"My line," Dean says, and Sam rolls his eyes again, squeezes again. Dean sits up more but Sam doesn't let go. "C'mon, we should clean up."

Sam's eyes tighten, just barely. He sits up, keeping his grip on Dean, and Dean rocks back but doesn't tip over. He gets a hand on Sam's shoulder to keep his balance and Sam says, steady, "Don't freak. Okay?"

"Who's freaking?" Their dicks are still pressed wetly together, though Dean's basically soft, now. Sam's still plump, thick. He swallows. "C'mon, we're gonna get cemented together," he says, and Sam's mouth purses but his grip goes light, and it gives enough room that Dean can lift off, get his feet under him. Jesus, there's enough jizz on him that it's rolling down his belly—he claps a hand to it before it can drop, smearing it over his abs. "You come like a geyser, dude," he says, not really complaining, but Sam's cheeks are red when he looks back up, and he feels—shit. He doesn't know.

He goes to the bathroom. Fluorescent light, pink-painted sink. He wets one of the five-cent washrags and wipes himself up, and he's not turned on anymore so his thought is mainly that it's just gross, and that bed's going to be wrecked, and also, what is he doing. What is he doing.

Sam's hand appears, reaching around him. He jumps. In the mirror behind him, Sam's tall, looking over his shoulder. Looking at Dean, even as he wets the other rag, cleans himself up. Dean chews the inside of his lip and can't really turn away. Sam's got red marks on his shoulder, where Dean was biting him.

"Stay," Sam says. He tosses his wet rag back into the sink and settles his hands on Dean's biceps, squeezing. When he steps forward his dick presses into the small of Dean's back and his chest is warm, damp. "Tomorrow at least. We've got the room. Stay."

"You want your dick sucked again?" Dean says, and that time it is mean and he did kind of mean it to be, and Sam's eyelids dip and his jaw clenches, but he only slips his hands away from Dean's arms to his ribs, holding him. It feels… Dean shakes his head. "Sam," he says, but there's not really anything that can go after it.

A big hand slides up and over, flattening on his breastbone. "It's not just this," Sam says, meeting Dean's eyes in the mirror, and it makes Dean's cheeks go hot.

He covers Sam's hand with his. He shivers, for some reason. He says, "I should take a shower, I've been in the car all day," and Sam says, "Okay," and Dean takes a shower and Sam sits on the closed toilet, watches him through the clear curtain. Gives him a towel when he comes out. Takes his hips, when he's dry, and presses him to the tiled wall, and tips his head up, and kisses him clean.

Five in the morning, or later. There's a clean bed and Dean hasn't slept in a day. He lays down and Sam lays down with him, a few inches away until Dean relents and turns over, and Sam curls up behind him, holding on, his mouth against Dean's shoulder. There's going to be a call from Dad, at some point. Dean's going to have to meet him somewhere, because there's going to be something bad that needs killing. He can't stay. He's wired and tired, all at once.

"Sleep," Sam says, and Dean turns his head against the pillow, knows he will.

"Hey," he says, and Sam makes a quiet noise. "If you put this on your journal, maybe bloodofreptile will finally shut up about you getting laid all the time."

"His name is Dennis," Sam says, and Dean laughs, weirdly glad. Dennis. Yeah, that fits. "And this isn't going on the internet."

"Probably a good idea," Dean says, and Sam says, again, "Dude, go to sleep," and Dean tips back into Sam's warmth, and does, and it's the best sleep he's gotten in a year.

[puppy-phum]

get to know me

am going to mix these two different tag games into one post so thank you a lot for tagging me @jazthespazz and @i-am-just-a-kiddo ♥

it’s somehow funny to do these same games again after a while so let’s see what I come up with:

Part I

name: real name petra but i prefer vish/vishie over here ^^ 

pronouns: she/her

star sign: aries ♈

height: 178cm (which am coming more and more proud of while i realize how damn tall every cdrama actor is lol)

time: 10:37pm as am answering this one

birthday: 10th april!

nationality: finnish 

fave bands/groups: ah well this is always a hard question but let’s go with these: BTS, DAY6, OneRepublic, Hurts, Oneus, Hoppipolla, TXT, Red, Mamamoo

fave solo artists: (forgive me if i’ve assumed any of these wrong) Novo Amor, Talos, Crywolf, Liu Yuning, SYML, EDEN, PVRIS, Joker Xue, NF, Halsey, Sleeping At Last, Nuz, HyunA, Sam Smith, Taemin

song stuck in your head: it’s OneRepublic’s Rescue Me bc of the song tag game i did earlier today :’D that one always gets stuck in my head whenever i as much as see the title lol 

last movie you watched: i think it’s The Yin-Yang Master (2021)? I haven’t watched any movies after that bc am so busy with all of my dramas haha

last show you binged: i think binged would be The Journey Across the Night! I watched that as a whole in 4 days

when you created your blog: in 2013 

the last thing you googled: ummm i think it was “what is a ball of wool called” bc of fic purposes haha as a non native speaker i always get a bit lost with words like this 

other blogs: none, i just dump everything here like the idiot i am 

why i chose my url: dates back to my intense summer of binge reading J.R. Ward’s Black Dagger Brotherhood series. Vishous was my favorite of the brothers haha. i first used this username in some random game on my nintendo ds lol 

how many people are you following: 358 which somehow feels like a lot but also like way too few?? i should probably search for some new blogs with other topics than cql, bts and/or dmbj bc i do love a lot of things at once 

how many followers do you have: over 800 

average hours of sleep: i’d say around 7h

lucky numbers: i remember answering 5 previously? i don’t really have a lucky number but 5 pops into my head

instruments: nope, no. not touching those tyvm. i admire everyone who can play any instrument tho

what i’m currently wearing: black jeans, socks with foxes on them (plus my woolly socks), a gray cardigan (my fave thing ever!) and an orange/brown top

dream job: writer would be ideal but that is very faaaaar into the dream zone 

dream trip: around different parts of asia to taste all the amazing food ;; maybe a road trip of sorts through europe? or inter railing? another trip to london bc i miss that ;; a trip to the very northern part of lapland to see all the auroras etc! i’ve never been that far north :’D 

fave food: if i need to quickly name something then sushi. otherwise am pretty fine with anything spicy 

top three fictional universes you’d like to live in: i remember thinking about this a lot the last time i answered this but hmm. currently i’d say dmbj still bc that world is fascinating AND i would love to talk to the characters. mass effect would be the second one currently bc i miss those games and the space stuff is super cool! and the third one would be assassin’s creed rogue bc that is my fave ac game and i like the northern sea and the places in it AND i could probably be one of abstergo’s employees instead and just test/play those simulation games haha 

Part II

Last Song: am currently listening to my playlist with just everything so i have Andrew Belle’s The Enemy playing right now (also I only just now realized that Andrew Belle also sings Pieces which is one of my fave songs? my bff linked that to me after it played in some tv series she was watching)

Last Movie Last Stream: i didn’t want to mention the same movie again or skip this question and i’ve wanted to talk about this anyway so! i watched Liu Chang’s bday live last night :’D it was so much fun even if i couldn’t understand anything. it was just nice to watch him being himself and have fun and chill with his fans. also the songs were amazing ;; i cried with Liu Sang’s character song as well as the ending. and all the while i couldn’t turn my gaze away from his eyes! he has such pretty eyes and they were absolutely Sparkling throughout the whole stream, it was so nice :’)

Currently Reading: Devotions by Mary Oliver (i adore her poems! they’re a very nice change after Siken haha) and then some uni stuff for a course about culture and mental health plus my thesis

Currently Watching: Douluo Continent, Word of Honor, The Long Ballad 

all of these are amazing and make me feel different things! i started Douluo Continent just a while ago and am now on ep 16 i think? it’s been very pretty and very chill and i watch it during the weekend while i wait for new episodes to the other two :’D it’s nice to see Xiao Zhan again and i’ve enjoyed the rpg game type of feeling in it? the group of seven is doing amazing and it’s interesting to watch them craft their team work! Word of Honor again has reached the ending and i just hold my breath with it. am not too far gone with it so i am not getting as heavy feelings about it as i probably could but i enjoy it  alot still and i do cry at times ^^ and then The Long Ballad has just blown me away! i didn’t expect to love it this much and be this invested in it but everything about it has been such a positive surprise and it keeps making me super emotional! i love the characters and the story and the romances even! it’s a great accomplishment for me. also yes i cry on the daily bc of hao du and bc of ashile sun’s hair haha

(i am also rewatching Ultimate Note kind of and been thinking about getting into rewatching Reboot bc it has been on my list ever since i finished it)

What is antipoetry to you: okay hmm i had to google this too and have to agree with Kiddo here. i don’t have strong feelings about poetry tbh, i wasn’t into poetry that much before maybe a bit over year ago? Siken has really blown me away haha. but i have always loved song lyrics which i never thought as poetry but then Kiddo said to me that they consider them poetry and yeah ok. i agree? so idk poetry can be whatever i suppose. i’ve never seen any rules in it anyway. i know there are many rules for different types of poetry but then again. i feel like poetry has always been just words put together to feel things and i guess that is the core purpose of every written type of art in the end right? 

Currently craving: a drama as good and as personal as The Journey Across the Night. that show really just stole my heart and i want that feeling back. i think about that show every day. i miss Li Jia and his two partners. i miss the vibes. i miss sitting on my floor watching it and just sobbing my heart out haha. also! craving a properly subbed, whole version of Anti-Fraud League. only the first 12 eps are badly subbed out there. wetv has... blocked? deleted? the whole show??? i need it to my life, i wanna see Xiao Yuliang being cute as Mi Ruo and i wanna know where the story goes smh 

thank you so much for these both! i had fun ^^ also am sorry this is so long but haha if you’re asking me to talk about myself and my interests then this is what you get :) 

tagging (to do which ever part you want or both!): @cross-d-a @jockvillagersonly @humanlighthouse @kholran @xcziel @minmoyu and @leonzhng ♥

[s1utspeare]

Get To Know Me!

@foxofninetales tagged me in this ask game and since I LOVE HER i will now be doing it (i mean i’d do it anyway but now it will be filled with love for FOX i am not accepting CRITICISM ON THIS POINT)

Part I

name: Brigid! I’m named after the Irish goddess of like, poetry, healing, smithcraft, and protection, or the Irish saint (they’re both pretty similar it’s just whether or not you’re talking about Celtic religion or Catholicism). She’s very cool, and I think it’s a very fitting name for who I turned out to be!

pronouns: she/her

star sign: i’m an insufferable theatre kid of course I’m a Leo

height: 5'8″ babeeeyyy (172 cm). I’m not short like, at all, but all of my family members are over six foot, so I’m like. tiny in comparison. they all make fun of me all the time for it :(

time: 8:49pm! A delightful time of evening!!! 

birthday: July 31st, same day as Harry Potter lol.

nationality: american :P

fave bands/groups/solo artists: hnnnngggghhhh why would u ask me this I don’t KNOW jk i just have a lot uhhhhh all time faves would be Bastille and Mumford and Sons, but I’m SUPER into kpop right now, so my top groups are BTS, Stray Kids, and One OK Rock (who are technically jpop but I really like their stuff). I also am a Broadway BITCH (hello, theatre kid) so before this year all of my Spotify library was basically just show tunes. 

song stuck in your head: Get Away by VeriVery. I think they’re a pretty new group? idk i saw them on one of those tumblr promotional things and checked out the music video which is like??? really interesting conceptually? so I’ve just been listening to the song for a while lol. 

last movie you watched: Train to Busan! I’m gearing up to write a dmbj zombie apocalypse AU and so I was like “this is a popular zombie film! I’ll watch it for inspiration! :)” holy shit. holy shit i was so wrong. It’s one of the most viscerally affecting films I think I’ve ever seen, I was like. On the verge of an anxiety attack the entire time but in like the best possible way?? it’s a mastery of character introduction and action/horror and I cried for like the last ten minutes straight. SO affecting. I do NOT RECOMMEND IT if u are already made anxious by zombie apocalypse scenarios, blood, violence, and a Lot of Death. 

last show you binged: hmmm uh like I’m currently watching Mystic Nine but at like a normal pace, so the last show I probably binge watched was maybeeee The Uncanny Counter on Netflix? HIGHLY recommend that one, I made @cross-d-a watch it and I’m living for her liveblog reactions lmao. Idk most of my free time has been spent writing the past few months which. After months of only having the energy to watch shows is kind of really invigorating? the things u can do when u fix ur health I’ll tell you what

when you created your blog: in 2012 asldighalsdkfjladskjga i came on here to like burdge’s pjo fanart :)

the last thing you googled: "is it bad not to have an air cap on your tire” ALSDIGHALKDFJLADFJA FUCK ME (i learned that it’s not necessarily bad but it can get dirt and stuff built up in there so I went to the store after work today and replaced it)

other blogs: everything is here bc i am too lazy to create a sideblog! so sorry to everyone who does not follow me for cdrama content bc this is all I am now. 

why i chose my url: cause it’s my ao3 username and i wanted people to be able to find me more easily on tumblr! :) the long answer is because i love shakespeare and also i think that slut is a really funny word and concept for me especially because i am one of the most sexless people u will ever meet in ur life so slutspeare is like. an aggressively ace joke that only I think is funny. 

how many people are you following: 588

how many followers do you have: ah just over 200?!??!!? which is like. a lot for me. I think it was like 75 up until like last year omg 

average hours of sleep: my sleep app says I average around eight! which is very good for me! I do have to get enough sleep consistently or I will Have A Bad Time so my sleep schedule is pretty good and luckily I don’t have the Insomnia depression I have the Sleep Lots one which I am glad for bc idk what I’d do if I couldn’t Be Unconscious regularly. Die probably. 

lucky numbers: I don’t think I have lucky numbers?? my favorite number is 21 for no reason other than the vibes alone. 

instruments: i’ve played the piano for uhhhh.... eighteen years now? and I can play the ukulele and am surprisingly good with the recorder since I’ve had to play it in Multiple Theatre Performances. I was also an honor choir singer back in high school so I’ve done a lot of select ensemble stuff which was super fun! 

what i'm currently wearing: a Life Is Good long-sleeved t-shirt that says “Not All Who Wander Are Lost” that I got in a military surplus store like a million years ago and red Adidas athletic shorts that I found at the thrift store a couple weeks back

dream job: playwright! I just wanna be a playwright! playwriting is like drugs i literally go nuts for it

dream trip: I don’t know??? I don’t really like traveling tbh aslidhalkfdj umm I do want to see the grand canyon sometime before I die tho so maybe a road trip down there? I definitely like traveling solo so I’d probably just hang out with myself and drive and go to whatever places I want and see dumb tourist attractions and sing loudly in the car

fave food: CURRY i know i said eggs the last time it asked me this but I miss my local Indian restaurant I want to eat literal Platefuls of tikka masala at 12pm at the Indian buffet after my physics class again :(

top three fictional universe you'd like to live in: hmmm i don’t know, actually! probably one where I have Powers and could do Cool Hand Motions and make Lights Appear. If I were anywhere with like. An Actual World-Dooming problem tho I would not be helpful at all. I would just die. Besides, I already live in fictional universes half the time, I’m a writer! 

Part II

last song: Basquiat by Pentagon! The music video is like. Very whumpy. So if you’re into that... the song’s also a bop

last stream: i don't watch streams very often, I just watch clips from them, cause those usually just give the best parts lol 

currently reading: mmmmmbbbaaaaahhhhh literally nothing? I’m trying to get caught up on the backlog of dmbj fic I haven’t gotten around to so Binding by @vishcount is next on that list! oh I guess I’m also reading Johnny Tremain with my kids (one of them SPOILED THE END and I forgot how it ended and now I’m big sad). 

currently watching: Mystic Niiiiinnnneeeeee! love those gay history bitches. everyone in that show is so funny. I just finished the Fuba Side Plot tho and now we’re back to Politics so i’m like >:( someone give zhang baby rishan a hug (and then i write angst about him what is wrong with me)

what is antipoetry to you: antipoetry??? what the heck is antipoetry hold on... uhhhh that’s just poetry. who came up with this term. i guess like lyrical fiction would be the technical correct definition but idk I consider anything to be poetry! like that’s the whole point! poetry is poetry is poetry as long as it’s focused on intensity and emotions it’s poetry! a haiku? poetry. the random one-lined mess of words on my phone? poetry. a literal drawing of a cardinal with the word “bird” written next to it? poetry. idk I’ve been trying to teach my kids that there are no wrong ways to write creatively; if you’re expressing yourself and making emotions, then you’re writing! also like half of my work could be considered antipoetry lmao. I love emotionally supercharging the mundane.

currently craving: i have noooo ideaaaasssss i’m literally just vibing. uh. water? ok i took care of that one my water bottle was right next to me. 

AH IF YOU READ THIS MUCH THANK YOU???? i love u 

uhhhh no pressure tags for @xia-xueyi, @nope4ever, @bookjoyworm, @elletromil, and @gaiahenshin, as well as anyone else who would like to give the full-rundown on themselves! :D

[memorydragon]

Tagged by @xcziel and my second attempt since tumblr keeps eating my posts.

Part I

name: Anyone who has known me for any length of time online, including people who met me first in rl just call me Mem, so honestly, let’s just go with that.  I answer to both it and Memory.

pronouns: she/her/they-ish.

star sign: That one I can never actually spell because it’s too many e’s and an i, which is never a good combination for me.  The fish.  You guys know the one.

height: 5'5"

time: 5:16 pm for the second time.  I think the first attempt was around 7 pm? 

birthday: Same day as Dr. Suess. 

nationality: American, but also an ex-pat more often than not. 

fave bands/groups/solo artists: I’ve been listening to Jewel and Rie Fu all day, so those two.  Also Mika and Regina Spektor. For bands/groups, Savage Garden, Matchbox 20, and Barenaked Ladies?  My tastes are... interesting, to say the least, I guess?

song stuck in your head: The first time around it was Goodnight, Irene, which was pretty depressing, but now it’s this song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1HtBcVHEco

Because some times you just need Davy Jones and Sandra Boynton.

last movie you watched: It... has been a long time since I’ve watched a movie, tbh?   I really don’t remember.

last show you binged: Watching Midnight Occult Civil Servants with Nar.  Before that, we were watching Saiunkoku Monogatari.

when you created your blog: I’m... sure there’s a way to find this out, but honestly, I’m far too lazy to figure it out and check.

the last thing you googled: It was trying to find an original source of an advertisement for a friend.  It’d been deleted, but we got something close enough for her research paper.

other blogs: Do we mean ancient lj accounts and so forth?  Too lazy to link right now.  XD  If tumblr blogs, I have VengeanceDragon, but I really don’t use it much.  It was created for a very specific purpose and that purpose has wrapped up.

why i chose my url: I was looking for a name change for various reasons and one of my first OCs was named after the goddess Mnemosyne.  Dragon came from my old user name.  It just kind of stuck after that. 

how many people are you following: 104, apparently?  Most of those are probably deactivated.  I keep a pretty small dash, which is why I don’t put much stock in ‘mutals’ and all that.  Odds are if I’m familiar with your url, I consider Friend.  And there are some discord people I never could figure out their tumblr names, but also friend.

how many followers do you have: 500-ish?  *shrugs*  Not a lot, compared to some.  I don’t really put forth much effort to attract more though.

average hours of sleep: We’re... just going to leave this question here. 

lucky numbers: I always liked 6 and 8. 

instruments: Don’t play, sadly, but I sing and dance.

what i’m currently wearing: Superhero T-shirt and pajama bottoms.  Super stylish, I know.

dream job: Writing, I suppose?  But really, I have no desire to deal with the publishing industry, which is why I stick to fanfic. 

dream trip: I had a trip planned to Japan at one point, that got nixed in favor of helping a friend.  I don’t regret helping that friend, but I do need to have another attempt at some point.  I also had a trip planned to Taiwan before Corvid, but that fell through.  A trip to Ireland and back to the Netherlands would be nice at some point too, and Alaska is the only state I’ve yet to go to.

fave food: Chocolate.  I’m also terribly fond of lychees and apples. 

top three fictional universe you’d like to live in: I never really got into the games, but I did watch the anime.  So odd as it sounds, the Pokemon universe seems really chill, tbh.  Who needs a job when you can just go out and raise pokemon?  The Catwings universe would also be nice, since ya know, cats with wings.  Star Trek society also seems nice enough, so long as I like, stayed on Earth or what not. 

Part II

last song: As mentioned, was listening to Jewel and Rie Fu.  The last song I listened to was actually Sometimes It Be That Way, by Jewel.

last movielast stream: Streams are...  well, dependent on my vpn.  I don’t bother most of the time.  Though I was going through that guy who does the old recipes tiktoks because I finally realized he had a Bermuda Flag in the background and that Explained So Much.  Like, I Understood why he was like that instantly.  XD

currently reading: I’m reading https://www.novelupdates.com/series/exclusive-rights-to-an-online-voice-actor/ that book right now.  Which is really not my normal genre, since I tend to get bored with slice of life, but really, it’s just... so good?  The romance is super soft and gentle and I sobbed through several chapters that were just way too relatable.  The tags don’t warn for the animal abuse, which was....  really difficult to read through (it’s not done by either of the MC’s and you get to follow the progress of the kitties getting better because the love interest is the vet and the MC is a reporter who wanted to help them get adopted, which was their second meeting (there’s identity porn and it’s glorious), but if you can get through that I do recommend it.  Shen Yan is the fluffiest goose and MC is super relatable.  I’ve also been rereading GUEE, which everyone should read, but at least now Nar is attempting it and my rec was heard by @xcziel so some people are reading it now.  But holy fuck do I still have So Many Feels about the computer recycle bin again.  They never went away, but this time I was nearly crying at like, the half-way point and not even at the ending and I just...  Have A Lot of Feels.  The computer recycle bin needs hugs and I’m not okay.

currently watching: Not really watching anything at the moment, to be honest.  Was gaming, but my chair died, so now I’m reading

what is antipoetry to you: It’s an anti-poem, apparently?  Yeah, not getting much.  I’ll read poetry from time to time but I’m not super into it or anti-poetry either I guess.  My taste in poetry is similar to my taste in music in being extremely eclectic and random.

currently craving: A new chair.  Not having a chair sucks.  This apartment is too small and gaming from my bed is difficult since there’s no proper way to sit.  In terms of food, chocolate, I suppose?  Maybe pizza.  I might order pizza tonight.

Tagging anyone who wants it, because I’m tired of my posts being eaten.

[svtskneecaps]

Rules: answer questions and tag blogs you are contractually obligated to know better!

so @kwonthefire tagged me thank u for giving me an excuse to talk about myself you KNOW i will jump on that shit with absolutely no hesitation you’re incredible

Name/nickname: vic

Gender: woman babey

Star sign: cancer

Height : HAHA TALLER THAN MY OLDER SIBLING S H O R T  L M A O

Time: 5:50 am don’t tell my friends i’m going to bed when i post this i swear

Birthday: july

Favourite bands: seventeen, and i vibe to like, panic!, twice, does the cast of newsies count as a band?

Favourite soloists: listen i’ll vibe to anybody with solid lyrics or a good melody so like, halsey, carrie underwood, taylor swift has been a big one recently, anna nalik, miranda lambert, yknow. all the shit i listened to like six years ago has returned to my playlist cause i’m Stressed tm (ngl the house that built me came on and i actually started crying in the middle of making enchiladas w my entire family like i went straight from DOUBLE BUBBLE DISCO QUEEN to sobbing in the sauce)

i mean not actually the sauce you know what i mean

Last movie: ah shit probably like. pollyanna or something. NO WAIT IT WAS THAT FUCKIN SECOND BORN ROYALS MOVIE ON DISNEY+ THAT MY FAMILY WATCHED WHILE SORTING ALL THE OLD CLOTHES WE DON’T FIT ANYMORE

Last show: shit uhh i think it was like. the three caballeros yknow that animated series with donald duck it’s on disney+. unless we count my mom’s episodes of criminal minds that she watches in the room next to me

Song stuck in my head: an absolutely bizarre combination of that “she’s a wh*re” song clip from tik tok, “the world will know” from newsies, the rock violin cover of the phantom of the opera from the umbrella academy, and like. the twelve days of christmas as sung by straight no chaser, specifically the section where they start doing africa. i don’t know what’s going on either.

When I created this blog: idk a while ago. like three years? four years?

Last thing I googled: ah shit. probably something for premiere pro, adobe software sucks it’s the least intuitive shit i have ever used literally the program i used to write in java worked easier than fucking premiere pro

Other blogs: @ismyreadinglistgoodenoughforyou and i have a couple more but those are classified by order of [redacted]. i can reblog onto @tctwriters but that’s not technically mine it’s OURS anyway follow tctwriters

Do I get asks: nah dude which sux cause my favorite thing to talk about is me l m a o

Why I chose my url: dude i don’t remember i wanted to rebrand from the god awful ‘ismycapsloudenoughforyou’ so i think we went, ok, so seventeen. svt. and my discord status was probably “stop bullying jeonghan’s knee >:(” so they were like, ok knees. and i went ah SHIT, KNEECAPS and then i just. did that.

Following : my guy do you think i know

Followers : like a graduating class worth

Lucky numbers: idk like 12 and 7 and maybe 32

Avg hours of sleep: o jesus well uh. anywhere between 4 and 12 it depends on if i have something to do the next day

Instruments: i can play viola and some flute, i’ve briefly dabbled in piano, ukulele, harmonica, and accordion

What I’m wearing right now: haha state football merch and socks that clash very drastically bc it’s goddamn cold in my house fuck

Dream trip: honestly any trip is my dream trip as long as a couple specific people come. like literally a trip to the grocery store could be my dream trip as long as these specific people are there yknow. people make the trip more than the actual places, for me

Favourite food: o i forgot to answer this one uhhh dr pepper isn’t a food but i don’t eat and my veins run with the stuff

Nationality: american ahaha

Favourite song: ah shit dude it depends on my mood i can’t answer this rn i literally just got “WILL WE LET EM STUFF THIS CROCK O’ GARBAGE DOWN OUR THROATS” stuck in my head and now i can’t actually remember any other songs anyway it’s Home Run stream Home Run by Seventeen guys stream Home Run it’s a fucking bop and the music video is absolute quality i literally didn’t listen to another song for a week and a half after it dropped and i’m not kidding in the slightest stream Home Run by Seventeen guys.

Top three Fictional Universe: it has been so long since i’ve experienced anything that’s original fiction i mean like, jowling kowling rowling is a fucking terf and we hate her LMAO so the only harry potter universe i can vibe with is one that’s thoroughly headcanoned to squeeze all the bullshit out of it, but i vibe with those kinds (i’ve written those kinds, or tried anyway lmao).

also i couldn’t actually read the Lord of the Rings series bc Tolkien’s prose was just way too dense for me to enjoy without it feeling like i was reading a textbook, but i read the Hobbit and i talk to my dad about it sometimes cause he listens to a podcast where they analyze it, and literally the absolute care and time he put into making every section of that world feel alive is absolutely buck fuckin wild to me i mean fuck it up Tolkien that’s fucking incredible. that is batshit insane you incredible man, godspeed.

and doctor who is lit as fuck, tbh i vibe hard with the rtd era shit, they kind of lost me at eleven and also took that shit off amazon prime before i was done watching shitheads but like you have to admit that’s a giant fictional universe and it feels Alive as hell and i vibe with that hard like i vibed so hard i fuckin started writing my own goddamn season just bc i wanted to play around in that lovely lovely sandbox so kudos to them i guess

not in that order

anyway idk who to tag so if you’re seeing this from tctwriters and actually have notifs on for that blog, you’re up dummy i love you. i’d say anyone who wants to take it but nobody ever does so this is for the tctwriters i’m calling you out SPECIFICALLY.

[violentviolette]

tagged by @angelxcomplex and @infernalhedonist thank u both ur too sweet

Nickname: i have a lot but honestly most ppl just call me my name lol its short enough

Gender: nb trans man

Starsign: pisces sun, cancer mood, sag rising

Height: 5′2

Time: like 5pm ish

Birthday: feb 24th

Favorite Bands: the used, p!atd, atreyu, a7x, so so many others lol

Favorite Single Artists: hozier, halsey, au/ra, janelle monae

Song Stuck In My Head: nothing cause im currently listening to music but jesus of suburbia by green day is whats playing rn

Last Movie: repo! the genetic opera because what else do u do on halloween when ur 30 and theres a global pandemic than sit on discord with ur friends and watch people be violently dismembered in a goth opera thats so 2000s it would be painful if it didnt absolutely fuck so hard

Last Show: kipo!! go watch kipo!! its so good and wholesome. definitly a feel good palette cleanser if ur just looking for something thats easy fun

When Did I Create This Blog: oof. like 2011?? i think?? will introduced me to tumblr in college so u have aer to thank for this lol

What do I post: whatever my dysfunctional little brain wants to that day

Last Thing I Googled: genshin impact elements because ziv and i couldnt remember if anemo was the wind element because were just dumb gays lmfaoo

Other blogs:

@violetteviolence <- main blog

@thesirenofbelial <- aestetic blog

@kingkacchan <- boku no hero academia blog

@cardiaccannibal <- porn blog that i cant link cause tumblr has me in horny purgatory. 21+ only, children and ryo do not interact

Do I get asks: i do! u guys are like highkey always really good about sending me stuff and i greatly appreciate it lol i do not deserve the attention yall give me but my npd’s gonna swim in it like scrooge mcduck anyway

Why I Chose My URL: im an absolute slut for alliteration, and since my main is violetteviolence i wanted this to match it and keep the same vibe. when i say my entire life is about aesthetics im not kidding lol

Following: 700 and change lol but i haven’t purged them in a while at least 200 of those blogs are def inactive

Followers: 2.3k

Average Length In Sleep: 5 is the best and what i get when im level but if im manic its 2 and if im depressed its like 12+

Lucky Number: 14

What Am I Wearing: black sweatpants and a tank which like if i was a cartoon character this would absolutely be my 1 outfit lol no socks tho that parts important

Instruments: i used to be able to play the flute but then i decided to stick a bunch of metal into my mouth and now i cant anymore lol

Dream Job: absolutely fucking nothing. leave me alone

Dream Trip: literally anywhere. i love to go places and see new stuff and im equally as enthusiastic about all of it. except france. fuck france

Favorite Food: salmon sushi comes in pretty high on the list tbh

Nationality: unfortunately american

Favorite Song: i can never pick favorites of all time so the song ive been listening to the most recenty is in all my dreams i drown from the devils carnival. also neverland by ruth b and crush by tessa violet. no one make fun of me for how transparent that last one is i will skin u

Last Book Read: oh i could not tell u. genuinely. i read fic all the time so if im reading its one of those. im curently obsessed with this ongoing bakushin hurt/comfort fic that is so good and juicy and it puts out chapters weekly and when i tell u ive been more excited for these updates than the actual fucking manga lmfaoo

Top Three Fictional Universes: ghibli, kingdom hearts, soul eater

not tagging 20 people cause thats Too Many but @captainkiwitheboobian @lmitations @abyssalsun @coffin-bird @retrospecter @therobinair @donkerkonger @twerkingyaowang and @jigokuzoshi i know u dont sully ur prestine blog with such things as tag games but idc i miss u so ur getting the ping

[oscar-mildes]

elvira you know I always see what you're hiding in the tags,, I will always read it if you answer all of them abhsjdbs

nev you asked for this and im going to go thru with it bc im an oversharing idiot like oh you asked me how’s the weather i will tell you about all my trauma instead :D 

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? i’m cis yo i’m she/her. i’m biromantic ace. thats the label i would put on it i guess. i really just refer to myself as gay bc i like pretty boys who look like girls and pretty girls and pretty nb and queer people and basically i just like pretty people ajsfbjf

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story? theres no story to it. no epiphany or realization. i just always was ok with thinking that girls were pretty and that gay people are cool and it wasnt until recent years that i was like oH SHIT AM I GAY

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it? no i guess bc i’m a girl and id as a girl and have a very obvious girl body

Who was the first person you told, how did they react? i guess my best friend. we’re both very ok with gay shit and we just always made comments about pretty girls and now we’re both pretty gay. i like my big tiddie anime girls and she likes her pretty kpop girl bands

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel? i’ve only “come out” to some of my friends. i would NEVER in my LIFE even imagine telling my mom i like girls. shes homophobic Like That

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react? uhh see above. my mom, stepdad, family members are all homophobic. hispanics in general are Like That rip. i think my dad would be the most ok with it but he lives in mexico and i dont talk to him often anyway. doesnt matter

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality? i hate when people ask me about the ace part. like they have a bigger problem about my not wanting to have sex over the liking girls part tbh. sometimes it’s difficult for me to even describe where i am on the ace spectrum. it’s honestly the more difficult part 

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear. basic nerd. you know those fics like “she dressed in a black t-shirt, skinny jeans, and all star converse” yea that she is me

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships? ajkfj this is a good question and canon wise i love Ash and Eiji from Banana Fish, Uenoyama and Mafuyu from Given, Nezumi and Shion from No. 6, and Simon and Baz from Carry On. Not canon i love Kurama and Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho, Izuku and Todoroki from My Hero Academia, and Inosuke and Tanjiro from Demon Slayer. Note how most of them are anime i

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any? i dont really wear any bc im lazy. if you like it you do you but idrc for it? except for lipstick i LOVE lipstick i have all the colors. i wear it so it distracts people from the rest of my face

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you? ...no

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community? i live in the south so ive heard tons of shit talk about gay people. i dont really have any that stand out. my mom just likes to say that we’re going to hell :D so let’s give em a show ay

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? i guess i like how we find solidarity in each other just bc we’re not straight. most of the lgbt+ folks i know are pretty chill about everything

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? terfs but they dont count

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not? i live in a small town and i could never sneak out of my house for that bc i still live with my mom so no

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity? theres so many big celebrities now that id as lgbt+ but im going old school and loving my man, my tumblr url namesake mr Oscar Wilde. my man got put in jail for sodomy 

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet? lmao never bc im mean, ugly, and terrible at talking to people irl. i had a bf in middle school? but bc i was 12 i dont count it 

What is your favourite lgbt+ book? Carry On and the sequel Wayward Son. (very anxiously waiting for book 3 Anyway the Wind Blows come on Rainbow Rowell)

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened? for being gay? no. bc im not really out. ive faced discrimination for being a brown woman tho :)))

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show? yall i love gay anime: Given, Banana Fish, No. 6, Yuri on Ice yeee. i dont really watch tv with real people but i think that Brooklyn 99 does a very good job with Holt and Rosa yall im love Rosa

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers? theres bloggers??? um idk i love u nev so you count right @why-do-you-pick-flowers

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim? for a while everyone was mad as hell about “im gay for ___” and idk im gay for everything so thats a “slur” i use for myself

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it? ive never gone omg i’d probably be intimidated as hell like i have a lot of problems just existing so to be existing around very flamboyant and extravagant people like that makes me break into a nervous sweat

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you? ive always felt like a girl even tho my mom always said “oh you like boy things??? you should have been born a boy” but like, your likes and dislike dont determine your gender. i like “boy” things and “dress like a boy” but i dont FEEL like a boy. ive never had any desire to become a boy or id as a boy. gender is a social construct fuck society

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not? i have a very complicated relationship with children. babies are ugly and toddlers are annoying but i feel like if i had children i would love them obviously because theyre mine. this is gonna be a weird analogy but like i dislike cats. BUT  i have cats. and i love the fuck outta them. so i feel like thatd be me with kids. but im ace so like.... who would even have kids with me. i could not. pregnancy seems like a hassle and adoption is... i have thoughts on that but thats for a different post. also i can see myself being married and not having children OR having kids without a spouse. theres just something complicated about having both??? maybe im just fucked in the head idk bro

What identity advice would you give your younger self? you dont hate girls you like them, dumbass

What do you think of gender roles in relationships? fuck gender roles. get pegged, bros. i also have a very specific dynamic if i ever got into a relationship (which you know. wont happen) but like if i dated a guy i feel like i’d be very top. a MAN telling ME what to do??? fuck that. but if i dated a pretty girl??? top me pls

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender? i think ive already said too much oh god someone is gonna look at this and be like what the FUCK but like lmao dont be afraid to ask me i apparently have no shame

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+? it’s scary at first because you think “im not normal” but like pray tell me what is normal. do what makes you happy. fuck society

Why are proud to be lgbt+? i’m comfortable with the people i like. i might not be very confident and i have depression, anxiety, self esteem issues, probs adhd or ocd idfk but at least i know if i see a pretty girl or smth im gonna be like wow that girl is pretty and have no bad thoughts about it. it’s just how it be. after a lot of dissecting my past behavior, ive always been this way. you cant change who you are. just accept it

[wherethewindtakesher]

weeeeee

the biggest thank you to @caws5749 for sending me all 134 questions 🥰

1: Name Lorena

2: Age 20

3: 3 Fears drowning, the ocean, and fishes.

4: 3 things I love my dog, my friends, and mangoes.

5: 4 turns on humor, charisma, telling me how much you want m-, and moaning.

6: 4 turns off being full of themselves, disrespectfulness, afraid to be themselves, and not showing a care about the well being of others.

7: My best friend k, f, and @brownmantwo.

8: Sexual orientation bisexual.

9: My best first date i’ve never been on a date!

10: How tall am I 5′2

11: What do I miss being fucking skinny-

12: What time were I born 10:45 pm!

13: Favorite color red.

14: Do I have a crush uh...

15: Favorite quote “I got STDS they make my coochie itch” SKSKSKDKSDKAD.

16: Favorite place my house.

17: Favorite food rice.

18: Do I use sarcasm 99.9% of my vocabulary is sarcasm.

19: What am I listening to right now “everything I wanted” by billie eilish because ya girl is depressed.

20: First thing I notice in new person how they hold themselves.

21: Shoe size 8 or 8.5 sometimes a 9.

22: Eye color dark brown.

23: Hair color black.

24: Favorite style of clothing baggy clothes or dark bold colors.

25: Ever done a prank call? yea. I use to call those numbers where it takes you to a different number to prank.

27: Meaning behind my URL its not necessarily an interesting story I just came up with it in my head one day.

28: Favorite movie too many to count.

29: Favorite song literally too many.

30: Favorite band three days grace.

31: How I feel right now fucking sad.

32: Someone I love my friends.

33: My current relationship status single.

34: My relationship with my parents its good! but there is a lot I tend to not discuss with them.

35: Favorite holiday halloween!

36: Tattoos and piercing I have I have two tattoos, both on my left arm. my finger tattoo is of a rose and my bicep is a ghost wearing a witch hat! piercing: septum, conch (but it closed) and my two lobes.

37: Tattoos and piercing I want a bunch more of tattoos and I want to get a few more ear piercings.

38: The reason I joined Tumblr to be cool like my older niece.

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? no we do not. lots of love and respect left in between us.

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? not really.

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? NO BECAUSE @domromanoff and I ARE BASICALLY SISTERS AND THATS INCEST.

42: When did I last hold hands? years ago.

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 10 minutes to get up from bed and 5 to actually get ready.

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? yes I have because I like smooth legs.

45: Where am I right now? my kitchen.

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? no ones because they'll just leave me behind and laugh at my misery. jkjk but my dear friends.

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? L O U D.

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? I do because rent in LA is fucking e x p e n s I v e.

49: Am I excited for anything? to go to bed.

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? I have 2 of them.

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? too often tbh.

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? a few weeks ago I believe?

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? they should because thats their baby momma.

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? yup.

55: What is something I disliked about today? waking up.

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? lady gaga and scarlett johansson.

57: What do I think about most? what tattoo to get, if I should get another dog, how to annoy @caws5749 that day, etc etc.

58: What’s my strangest talent? I can move the bones in my wrist.

59: Do I have any strange phobias? im scared of fish!

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind because I am a nervous mess and I like taking control of such.

61: What was the last lie I told? “im okay”

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? both honestly! I love video chatting with @domromanoff and my friends!

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes and yes.

64: Do I believe in magic? hell yea I grew up around all that shit.

65: Do I believe in luck? not really.

66: What’s the weather like right now? its chilly.

67: What was the last book I’ve read? jesus christ I forgot the name but its currently under my bed rn.

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? YES.

69: Do I have any nicknames? clown, wueej by @caws5749, pi- prin-, bottom by @domromanoff, lore, lorecha, whore, hoe.

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I pulled my thigh muscle recently and OMG I WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN.

71: Do I spend money or save it? I SPEND IT HONEY YASSSS.

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? sadly no.

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? my water bottle c:

74: Favorite animal? I fucking love cows.

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? crying lmao.

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? nikolas is it not??

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? “Judas” by lady gaga.

78: How can you win my heart? just be yourself and believe wholeheartedly of what you want and desire.

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? “madi did it”

80: What is my favorite word? fuck.

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr @caws5749 @domromanoff @dailyavengers @ravenforce andddddd @supercorpbechloe there’s so many more I’m editing this rn AKSJSHSHSHS I love each and everyone’s accounts here!

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? GLOBAL WARMING IS A REAL THING YALL.

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? i think so 👀 but im not close to them.

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? maybe like telekinesis or some mind power.

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? what goes on in your mind?

86: What is my current desktop picture? a winter forest.

87: Had sex? if oral sex counts then sure.

88: Bought condoms? I haven't bought them I just magically obtained them.

89: Gotten pregnant? oh god no.

90: Failed a class? yUUUUP.

91: Kissed a boy? yes.

92: Kissed a girl? yes.

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? back in middle school lmaoooo.

94: Had job? yes im on my second one rn.

95: Left the house without my wallet? all the damn time.

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no because im not a fucking asshole.

97: Had sex in public? not yet.

98: Played on a sports team? yea I was in track n field and cross country!

99: Smoked weed? I haven't but I once wanted to try it but I was to much of a pussy to skip class.

100: Did drugs? nope.

101: Smoked cigarettes? ew no.

102: Drank alcohol? y’all Ive gotten so fucked up on here so of cOURSE. my friends think I have a drinking problem ksjlksdjlkjds.

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? I am not.

104: Been overweight? yea.

105: Been underweight? No.

106: Been to a wedding? I have when I was younger.

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? sadly yes because of video games.

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? yea when I binge watched the walking dead.

109: Been outside my home country? yes!

110: Gotten my heart broken? yeah.

111: Been to a professional sports game? Yes because everyone in LA has possibly been to a dodgers game.

112: Broken a bone? nope!

113: Cut myself? oh man..I have and I deeply regret doing so but its a part of me now and i’ve accepted it.

114: Been to prom? YES! best night of my life.

115: Been in airplane? once and that was it because fuck planes lsjdkjlksdjs.

116: Fly by helicopter? nope!

117: What concerts have I been to? daddy yankee and some other guy I don't remember heheheh.

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? duh im gay.

119: Learned another language? I tried (and failed) to learn japanese.

120: Wore make up? a couple of times. i’m not the hugest fan of makeup.

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? nope!

122: Had oral sex? once.

123: Dyed my hair? too many times.

124: Voted in a presidential election? no but I will this upcoming one for sure.

125: Rode in an ambulance? no but I want to!

126: Had a surgery? no but I did have to get stitches on my lower lip.

127: Met someone famous? I meant jenni rivera’s brother at a movie theater once!

128: Stalked someone on a social network? yes? but not to a weird extent.

129: Peed outside? only because no one was around to open the door to my apartment complex and I couldn't hold it in-

130: Been fishing? I am T E R R I F I E D of fish so no.

131: Helped with charity? yup! I bought a shirt from one of @markiplier‘s livestreams that donated all the money to a charity.

132: Been rejected by a crush? yea.

133: Broken a mirror? I think maybe once??

134: What do I want for birthday? I want a tattoo.

[wizardessheart-sideb]

In today’s episode we talk about Vincent’s sequel and maybe getting Joel’s soon-ish.

As per usual, the video is hardsubbed in English, but here’s a full transcript under the cut

HEWWO!

Hello everyone, welcome to Royal Magic Academy Radio, a podcast about Wizardess Heart. I’m your host, Mari. I’ve finally emerged from my haze that came with Fire Emblem: Three Houses coming out and now that I’m like 60 hours into that game, it’s time to focus on my other emotional support game *laughs*. But in all seriousness. So some housekeeping things: I’m going to make this podcast biweekly so episodes are a bit longer and I’ve got more time to prepare for them. I’m also wanting to branch back into my older interests as well as make more otome content, so this podcast being biweekly will also give me more time to work on those other projects. But yeah, that’s it. So without further ado, let’s get started.

GAMING NEWS

In gaming news, a new star collection event debuted. The Pit of Curiosities is circus-themed, and yes, Caesar’s in it, which I have to admit made me nervous laugh when I first saw it because. You know. Apparently he’s not re-traumatized though, so it’s fine. I’m saying apparently because I haven’t read it. To be honest, I haven’t read any of the stories because I’m just really not feeling this line-up. I also don’t have a huge nostalgic soft spot for circuses and fairs like a lot of people do, so I guess that’s also feeding into my apathy for this event. My mom never let me on rides at the fair and I was never really into the carnival games or food so I just. Never went that often and never developed a love for fairs or circuses. 

The Seasonal Slot: Blue Ocean is back, and it’s running until September which is a blessing considering it has a lot of items and it’s 1,000 Romance Points per spin. I wasn’t playing when this slot first came out so I’m glad I have a chance to play it. 

Before I say a quick word about Joel, I want to give a heads up that the sequels mechanic is a little different now from when it first debuted. You have to spend at least one story ticket on the dude’s main story in order to read the sequel, and thank you to tumblr user einhornaufzuchtstation for the tip about only spending one ticket, and also I’m sorry if I just butched your url. But yeah, you can’t go straight into the sequel anymore. 

And finally, Joel’s early bird is being reran! It’s not a super long period, but it’s something.

FUTURE EVENTS/SPECULATION

So let’s talk about Joel for a moment in a more speculative way. If we all recall, Joel was number 1 on the sequel poll results Solmare did back in December. I’m kinda thinking this rerun may mean we’ll be getting the sequels fairly soon, or at least we’ll be getting Joel’s soon. I calculated the average time between a route’s rerun and the sequel release day, and it’s an average of 32 days, meaning theoretically, we could have Joel’s sequel around September 1. However, I wouldn’t hold my breath for it. Solmare’s been inconsistent because, remember, they reran Elias and then hurriedly reran Vincent and didn’t release Elias’ sequel for another couple months. But I do think this is a sign that the next batch of sequels is coming soon. I mean, we are going to get them eventually.

FANDOM HISTORY

It’s time for Fandom History! Originally for this segment, I was gonna talk about Klaus 2 Electric Boogaloo, but since we potentially  have the sequels coming up, I think it’d be fun to talk about the sequels and the mystery of what the hell happened with Vincent’s sequel. So I guess we’re really molding Fandom History with Wizcourse, Fandom Chat, and Theory Time. 

The year is 2018. Klaus and Yukiya’s sequels have been released and we’ve had reruns of Klaus, Elias, Yukiya, and Vincent’s main routes. We know there’s a sequel on the way and most people think it’s Elias’ since his main route was reran literally right after Klaus’ back in October 2017. And since we’d already gotten Klaus and Yukiya’s sequels, the fandom figured he was next. But we were in for a rude awakening. 

Ultimately, we figured out Vincent’s sequel was being released first and the Tumblr fandom wasn’t exactly happy. A lot of people were confused how Vincent ranked in the top 5 anyway, but it felt like Solmare was skipping over Elias, which yeah, they kinda were. If we’d gotten the sequels in main route rerun order, we would’ve gotten Elias’ sequel before Yukiya’s, but obviously that didn’t happen. People were kind of lukewarm to Veincent’s sequel. 

But then something happened that surprised everyone. There was an actual, real leak of Vincent’s sequel CGs on Tumblr. Now, our fandom uses the word “leak” as a blanket word sometimes, but when I mean leak, I really do mean it was a leak. All the CGs were posted before his sequel was released. And unfortunately, I can’t find this original post. I’ve searched for it before and I still can’t find any trace of it.

And as you can imagine, a lot of people were shocked that one, this happened, and two, to see Tsukasa Kuze in these CGs. A lot of people, myself included, who weren’t going to play Vincent’s sequel, were now going to play it for Tsukasa. And tbh that’s something I hear a lot that people who played his sequel either actually like Vincent or they played it for Tsukasa. So when his sequel dropped, people flocked to it and. Well. 

I can say with certainty that no one was expecting Vincent’s sequel to be like that. It’s still considered one of the worst sequels, if not the worst and one of the worst routes in the game. The plot was all over the place, it felt rushed, and it wasn’t a satisfying read. Also they took away my precious baby boy from me AGAIN so that didn’t make me happy. But anyway, it was a hot mess and people were curious as to why.

Klaus’ sequel wasn’t perfect, the deus ex machina in it was a bit on the nose, but it was still a fun read and satisfying. Yukiya’s sequel was quite literally amazing and incredibly well-done and it still holds up today. So for Vincent’s sequel to flop so badly was a huge shock. So naturally we did what any fandom does in times like this: try and think of a reason why this happened.

There’s the possibility Solmare was just trying to do too many ideas at once and they got caught up in it. You have the Philosopher’s stone drama, Devi, Tsukasa, Vincent’s job at the ministry, the school trip, the wedding planning. There was a LOT packed into Vincent’s sequel. 

There’s also the possibility that Vincent’s sequel wasn’t supposed to drop so early, but something happened with development and it got pushed forward and as a result, was rushed and the writers weren’t able to fully develop the story.

In the end, we’re never really going to know what happened with Vincent’s sequel, but it’s definitely going to be a memorable part of our fandom history.

DARLING OF THE MONTH

It’s that time again! It’s time to crown another Darling of the Month! Now, I was originally going to wait to showcase this dude and have him be our December Darling, but it’s 4am and I’m feeling self-indulgent so this month’s darling is Sigurd! Anyone who comments about pasta will be BLOCKED and REPORTED! Sigurd is a sweetheart and a flirt and and all-around great guy. He’s also a good tutor and very nice to look at. Not to mention he’s so encouraging. Sigurd’s honest-to-God boyfriend material. Congrats Sigurd on being bumped up like a whole bunch of months! Next episode will have a route review.

BYE BYE!

That’ll do it for us this week! Next time we’re doing the call and response I PROMISE, I won’t forget to put the prompt on Tumblr this time. And with that, it’s time for me to return to Fodlan and my new video game husbands Dimitri and Felix. This is Mari, signing off. 

[standing-in-the-rain29]

Interview Tag

Rules: Answer the following questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.

I was tagged by @ladyknight-keladry ! Thanks for tagging me, though I fear my answers will leave much to be desired 😬😂 But let’s do it anyway! Here we go:

Nickname: I have a few. The most common is Jess. My mom calls me snugglebug, and my little sister likes to call me muffin-head lol

Pronouns: She/her

Star Sign: Aquarius

Height: 5’ 4”

Current Time: 10:38 pm ... I really need to go to sleep since I have work in the morning. Oh well!

When is your birthday: January 29

Favorite Band/Group/Solo Artist (I grouped these together): BTS, American Authors, Imagine Dragons, Red, Halestorm, Disturbed, Godsmack, Bad Wolves, Daughtry, Demi Lovato, Alesia Cara, The Score, Ava Max, Sam Smith, Daya, Adam Lambert, Halsey, GIMS, Tiziano Ferro, and many more lol My tastes vary with my daydreams at the moment :)

Song Stuck in my Head: My Head & My Heart by Ava Max. Specifically one line: “My mind’s got a mind, mind, mind of it’s own right now and it makes me hate me”

Last Movie Watched: X2 My mom, little sister, and I are watching the X-Men series, so, yeah. We already did Marvel, so we’re making our way through this series before moving on again lol

Last Show Binged: WandaVision. I waited until the entire season was done to watch it, and I binged all of then in two nights 😂 I’m thinking about waiting for TFATWS to finish too before watching? But ughhhhh it’s tough waiting! I love Bucky.

When Did You Creat Your Blog: July 2, 2013. OMG So long ago! My posts were ... interesting back then lol I went through phases, which I guess is t any different! But at least they are healthier?

Last Thing Googled: Toshiba tv reseating cables ... our tv has a wide blue line going down it, and I was trying to figure out how to fix it 😩😩 I’m gonna have to finagle and try things I’m it sure I’m good at. So ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it’ll be interesting.

Other Blogs: Nope! I’ve only had this one! Cuz I’m weird lol

Who Chose Your URL: Me!! I couldn’t for the life of me figure it out back then and randomly chose it because ... rain is awesome lol Haven’t changed it because I don’t like change.

Do you get asks: Sometimes? Not often, which is both good and meh. Meh because I do like the attention, I think. Good because I am so awkward! My mood changes a lot between hyper/confident so I say whatever and don’t care what people think (right now for instance) to overthinking/low self esteem where I don’t know what to say, don’t want to say something wrong, get an answer wrong, and so on. It’s rough. My mental health is a slippery slope. Whelp.

How many people do you follow: 167

How many people follow you: 186!!! Holy cannoli guys! Thank you 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 I honestly don’t care if people follow me or not. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like the idea of making friends on here, but this blog is for me. My safe space where only one person in the world knows me in real life (and she’s never on lol), so yup.

Lucky number: uhhhh 29?

Instrument: Hah! That’s funny. Me? Play an instrument? Nah. Took a piano class in college as an elective ... played by ear and got by, but don’t remember any of it!

Currently wearing: I’m in bed, about to sleep, so my pajamas. Which is basically a huge shirt lol Not that you needed to know that ... I may delete later tbh

Dream job: Man ... I’ve spent most of my life trying to figure this shit out. All the stress. But if money wasn’t an option ... something with the ocean. With animals. Idk what exactly, or where, but I seriously love the ocean. It’s calm yet unforgiving. I don’t live by an ocean, but I would love to. Just ... not where hurricanes hit lol because fuck that.

Dream trip: Shark diving with great white sharks :) Or something my little sister wants, and therefore spend time with her and my family while having fun. Both are good.

Favorite food: CHOCOLATE! I love chocolate. No lie. So good. Pizza, macaroni and cheese, spaghetti, salad (yummmmmy) ... basically carbs, cheese, chocolate, and some healthy things lol

Favorite Song: Why. How could you? Why put me in this situation! My mind went completely blank! It changes constantly. Depends on many things. I’ll give you my top 5 songs from last year on Spotify: ON by BTS, What About Us by P!nk, Ya Habibi by Mohamed Ramadan (totally found this on accident while looking for Nicky/Joe Old Guard songs and omg yesssss!), Daechwita by Agust D, and Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi.

Top three fictional universes you’d like to live it: Sooo. I have literally no idea??? Are we talking movies, books, shows, all of the above?? Ahhh. Guys. This is stressful. It shouldn’t be, right? Idk. I’m going to skip because I have no clue, and it’s stressing me out. Sorry?

Alright! That was a wild ride. Now it’s time for me tag people. If any of my followers want to do this, go for it! And for those I tag, you don’t have to do it! Here are my tags: @alona-marinelli , @spookydefendordreamer , @justagirlwithhercat , and @just-a-rather-ace-ravenpuff . So like. I’m tired. And tagging isn’t hard normally, but right now it is, so sorry if I forgot anyone that I talk to, that reblogs me a lot, that I reblog a lot, or so on. If I forgot anyone, I’m sorry! Please do it if you want to, or not! You do you. All the love xx 🤗🤗🤗

[riskeith]

hi <3

tbh best hp is fic hp fuck jkr <3 if you do check it out just be prepared that it’s super filthy sjdkdhdk. i’m gonna check out running on air and to hurt and to heal, absolutely! both sound super angsty which is yummy imo.

you don’t read fics of the parings/fandoms you like? may i ask why not? also yeah i’d love some kagehina/iwaoi fics, whatever you have is fine <3

omg where should we take razor.... i feel like he’s enjoy mountain views and all the animals in liyue so maybe jueyun karst 🥺 that area is so pretty..

i do know some couples hehe, some didn’t stick but my friend started dating her husband when she was twelve and they’re married now. i think it’s super adorable i’m a sucker for the childhood friends to lovers trope. do you like it? also what’s your favorite “to friends” trope if you had to rank them?

omg... yeah thankfully they’re still updating the game i mean we only have two of the seven worlds unlocked right? the anemo and geo worlds? i imagine the updates will keep on coming for a long, long time. also i’ve been meaning to ask you: have you finished the main story yet? i’ve been curious about when it finishes and if it ever does.

more than 8... so you’re telling me there’s so much cluna content out there that i’m not experiencing? feeling distraught. feeling like an unfinished puzzle piece.

fairy floss sounds so adorable.... 🥺 why is aus the best place ever? and it’s a bit too sweet but i can’t get over the nostalgia so i do kind of like it? it makes me feel like a child eating it hehe. omg bleaching it? do you plan on going blonde? 😳

iwaoi has ^ those childhood friends to lovers except it’s angsty vibes that just hit different. i’m just a sucker for mutual angsty pining dude it’s crazy. have you heard the song driver’s license? i really wanna write something iwaoi based on that song bc i feel like it fits them so well.... with a happy ending ofc i can’t leave my babies feeling sad. thank you, i hope you find the motivation to start working on something soon too!! you never know when motivation strikes babe.. in the meanwhile i’m just gonna be https://archiveofourown.org/users/czqy shsjshsjdj. dude it’s because it’s oikawa and he wants the best for himself. it was probably him that possessed you if we’re being honest. 👑

YOU DO? i can’t come up with anything so it’s gonna be a surprise for me. and tbh i don’t wanna figure it out either so it can be a cute surprise. now this will definitely motivate me to rise up the ranks asap. also i need to spin for the boy as well... hopefully i’ll get him haha. thinking about me before falling asleep, are you? 😏

hope your weekend has been going great for far, you deserve the world babe. ♥️

hi hi!!

FUCK JKR!!!!!!!!!! 🗣🗣🗣 fhsksd note taken! omggg pls lmk what you think when you do!! they’re my top 2 fave drarry fics <33333

honestly i wish i could tell you 😭😭😭😭😭😭 i think it’s bc im so involved in it that i just.... don’t have any desire to read anything? like “i could just write x pairing/fandom, why should i go seek out content” but idkkkkk my friend has a theory that it’s bc i have a clear cut idea of who these characters are and what they’re like so it’s weird to read someone else’s interpretation? it’s something im trynna work on tho... lmao

okieee kagehina:  where the night goes // well, maybe i’m a crook // room to grow (not really angst but the vibes are so mellow and nice) // hum (not a lot of angst but this is one of my faves. also esselle is the kagehina/hq queen!!! all her stuff is so so so good.)

iwaoi: things that change, things that stay the same // In April //  the yellow room

also if i could offer your this oikage fic....  the more things change (i cry reading this every time....) 

i don’t bookmark fics so it’s hard for me to find stuff again fhskdjfshd but hopefully those are alright!!

yesss let’s take him to liyue <3333 omg do you think he would like to play in the water 😩😩

omgggggggg they started dating when they were TWELVE?? that’s so cute 😭😭 i wish them all the happiness!! im only in touch with like 1 person i’ve known since i was 12 AHAHAH. i love childhood friends to lovers!! there’s just so much history there you know? such like a strong iron-clad bond... and to you mean “to lovers” trope? either way, hm. i think i might like enemies to lovers the most? (are we surprised) like that tension... coming together when no one expects it, not even them.... but yet their love is so strong.. .FSDJFHKSDF is childhood friends to lovers your fave?

yep!! only 2 ikr like how long am i gonna have to continue playing this game how many new characters will we get FHDKFSHDFS. people think inazuma (electro) is next!! it’s based on japan which is exciting.. omg wait what if it’s kinda like cyberpunk futuristic vibes.. ahaha. and i have finished all the main story quests that are out rn! i think the last one happens ~AR 35? 

fhsdkfhsdfs HAHAHA nah dw all my blogs are now inactive so you’re not missing anything 🤪 you got all my focus and attention here bb

oooo yes the nostalgia... wow now that we’re talking about it i haven’t had fairy floss in so long jfhsdjksd. and yes i want to go blonde so bad 😭😭😭😭 i wanted to do kenma hair but i shaved my head last year and i want to shave it again and dye it blonde........ 😩

yeah actually i feel like so many people interpret iwaoi childhood friends to lovers angsty for some reason? like i’ve never really seen any that was just them happily and naturally going into a relationship there’s always like miscommunication and pain fhdskfskjfsd. not that i’m complaining! lol. and i actually heard driver’s licence for the first time a few days ago!! i remember it clearly bc i thought the title was funny FHDSKJFHSKDFSD. but omg the angst....... whose POV would you have it be from? oikawa’s? i feel like people make him Hurt a lot... which is big mood hfsdfkjs. (semi related... do you have your licence? LMAO) also do you know memo by years & years? i have an iwaoi wip based on that song!! 

wait what does “in the meanwhile i’m just gonna be https://archiveofourown.org/users/czqy shsjshsjdj.” mean sorry i dont get it 😭😭 (also it took me a moment to register that url went to me AHHAHA i was like 😳)

I FREAKING HOPE OIKAWA POSSESSED ME!!! FEEL FREE TO COME BACK ANYTIME SIR 🙇‍♀️🙏

hehhe trust me it’s like THE best possible spot <33333 im extremely excited to take you there 😉😏 xingqiu come home for m.a. again!!! and what can i say, i’m looking forward to the date ;p

thank u! it’s made better by you 😍💘 hope your day is going well!! xx

[jeffpackswasyes]

Answer them all

1. 3 Fears - open spaces, getting kidnapped and tortured, uhh spiders but spiders are kinda dope now

2. 3 Things I love - Music, girls, animals/nature

3. 2 Turn ons - Lip biting, being wanted in return

4. 2 Turn offs - Manipulative behavior, arrogance

5. My best friend - Regan for sure

6. Sexual Orientation - Straight

7. How tall am I? - Like 6ft tall

8. What do I miss right now - My friend Scott who moved away :(

9. Favorite color - Teal

10. Do I have a crush - I don’t think so

11. Favorite place - My apartment

12. What am I listening to right now? - Modest Mouse is on right now (The Lonesome Crowded West is a fantastic album) 

13. Shoe Size - 11

14. Eye Color - Green

15. Hair Color - idk is that like brown or blonde or what. dirty blonde maybe

16. Meaning behind my URL - Dumb pun that I would tell my friend Jeff every time Jetpacks Was Yes! came on

17. Favorite Song - Lmao there are way too many songs

18. Favorite Band - The Dear Hunter!!!

19. How I feel right now - Tired and lazy and mopey

20. Someone I love - my bff regan is an angel

21. My current relationship status - Single as heck

22. My relationship with my parents - My dad and I are on pretty good terms, don’t care for my mom

23. Favorite Season - Autumn of course

24. Tattoos and piercings I have - NONE cause I’m a broke bitch

25. Tattoos and piercings I want - I could go on and on about the tattoos I want all over my body but I’m not gonna do that here. I only want one piercing, a nose ring. 

26. The reasons I joined tumblr - There is cool shit on here and it’s good to browse when you are high 

27. Do I ever get good morning texts or good night texts? - sort of? I only text one person

28. Have I kissed the last person I texted? No but I’m workin on it

29. How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - Like 6 minutes

30. Have you shaved your legs in the past 3 days? - Nope

31. Where am I right now? - In my bedroom

32. Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - When my roommate isn’t home I play my music loud af

33. Do I live with my mom and dad? - No

34. Am I excited for anything? - Damn, not really

35. Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - Definitely 

36. How often do I wear a fake smile? - Often 

37. If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - Maybe Casey Crescenzo I really don’t know

38. What do I think about most? - Probably music

39. Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - Definitely behind it

40. What was the last lie I told? - “Nah everything is cool dad” 

41. Do I prefer talking on the phone, or video chat? - Phone

42. Do I believe in ghosts? Aliens? - Aliens exist, and I’m convinced ghosts or some sort of spirit entity is out there

43. Do I believe in magic? - Somewhat yes actually, still on the fence about it

44. Do I believe in luck? - I like to think that the universe looks out for some people, whether or not that is “luck”, I’m not sure

45. What’s the weather like right now? - It’s like 85 degrees and sunny out

46. What was the last book I read? - I’m in the middle of Game of Thrones right now and yes, it is fantastic

47. Do I have any nicknames? - I go by James, my middle name so I guess that counts

48. Do I spend money or save it? - I need to be a little more careful with my money I spend so much

49. Can I touch my nose with a tounge? - I’m sure I can touch it with A tongue, but not my tongue

50. Favorite animal? - Damn this a tough one. A sloth? A bear? Deer? Mantis Shrimp? 

51. What was I doing last night at 12 am? Smoking and watching Bojack Horseman

52. What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - Mr Blue Sky by ELO, no contest

53. What is my favorite word? - Honestly fuck this question 

54. My top 5 blogs on tumblr - They are all good I can’t rate them

55. If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - uhh please stop killing each other 

56. Do I have any relatives in jail? - Nope not that I know of

57. What is my current desktop background? - Overwatch shit

58. Had sex? - Nope

59. Bought condoms? - Who needs em! /s

60. Gotten pregnant? - God I hope not

61. Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - Yes

62. Had a job? - Yes

63. Smoked weed? - Too much, gotta chill on it 

64. Smoked cigarettes? - Yeah

65. Drank Alcohol? - Yes

66. Am I vegetarian/vegan? - Nope

67. Been overweight? - No I’m skinny af

68. Been underweight? - Definitely

69. Gotten my heart broken? - I wouldn’t classify it as heartbreak

70. Been to prom? - Nah, not my thing

71. Been in an airplane? - Nope :( 

72. Learned another language? - Not fluently

73. Wore make up? - I have not, but wouldn’t be opposed

74. Dyed my hair? - Yep, I really wanna die it again

75. Had a surgery? - Nope, I’ve had stitches though

76. Met someone famous? - Never

77. Stalked someone on social media? - Nope

78. Been fishing? - A couple of times

79. Been rejected by a crush? - I didn’t have a lot of crushes so no

80. What do I want for my birthday? - A livable income 

81. Do I like my handwriting? - Yeah, I don’t hate it I guess

82. Where do I want to live when I’m older? - Probably somewhere in Europe

83. Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing something bad? - I got caught doing LSD a few years ago

84. What I’m really bad at? - I’m not the best with my words, bad writer and bad conversationalist

85. What my greatest achievements are - ...uhhh Sean and I wrote an album last summer and it was pretty dope but it never got rerecorded and released so does that even count

86. The meanest thing somebody has ever said to you? - I don’t remember off the top of my head

87. What I’d do if I won the lottery - Go visit Regan and get us out of our shitty towns 

88. What do I like about myself? - My hair, my hands

89. My closest tumblr friend  - damn that is a good question

90. Any question you’d like? - What, i only answer the questions fuck this 

91. Are you outgoing or shy? - Definitely shy

92. What kind of people are you attracted to? - The kind that I can click with and talk to and have fun with 

93. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? - Nope

94. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? - Nah, it is a very interesting subject

95. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? - Last night with my friend Cody about this life being a simulation 

96. What does the most recent text you sent say? - “right, fuck you james”

97. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? - Damn gimme a few minutes to look 

Cowboy Dan - Modest Mouse

The Old Haunt - The Dear Hunter

None Shall Pass - Aesop Rock

Absolomb - Periphery 

Open Up - Dispatch 

98. Do you like it when people play with your hair? - Yes I love it

99. Do you think there is life on other planets? - There’s gotta be 

100. Do you like bubble baths? - I haven’t taken a bubble bath in years so idk

101. Do you like your neighbors? - Most of them

102. Where would you like to travel? - I wanna travel everything but that is vague and generic so I’ll say Innsbruck, Austria. The name means Inn by the River and it is a cute magical looking town

103. Favorite part of your daily routine? - I don’t have a daily routine but I play overwatch everyday so i”m gonna say it’s that

104. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? - Probably my skinny fucking legs 

105. What do you when you wake up? - Lately I’ve been reading a chapter and smoking a bowl  

106. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? - I’ve never really thought about it tbh

107. Do you ever want to get married? - I mean not particularly but if my partner wants to get married then yeah sure 

108. Is your hair long enough for a ponytail? - Yep

109. Would you rather live without TV or music? - TV, duh

110. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? - Probably

111. What are your favorite stores to shop in? - There’s a bunch of thrift stores in this town so those are always pretty neat

112. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? - Yes

113. Do you smile at strangers? - Sometimes

114. Have you done anything recently that you hope no one finds about? - Nope, I’m clean

115. Ever wished you were someone else? - All the time

116. Favorite makeup brand? - Sephora, BH Cosmestics, idrk

117. Last thing you ate? - Cereal 

118. Ever won a competition? - Nope

119. Ever been in love? - Yeah

120. Facebook or Twitter? - Neither, but you can follow my insta @jeffpackswasyes ;)

121. Twitter or Tumblr? - Definitely  tumblr

122. Are you watching TV right now? - Nope

123. What color are your towels? - Mostly white, I have a blue one though

124. Favorite ice cream flavor? - Vanilla, cookies and cream

125. First person you talked to today? - Regan or Cody

126. Last person you talked to today? - Regan

127. Name a person you hate? - The guy who made the kid put his laptop in the oven on twitch. 

128. Name a person you love? - My bff Regan!!

129. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? - Nah

130. Do you tan a lot? - Nope

131. Have any pets? - None of my own, none in my apartment

132. Do you type fast? - Yes

133. Do you regret anything from your past? - I try to let go of any regrets, still trying to let go of some. But I’ll get there

134. Ever broken someone’s heart? - Yes

135. Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurt? - Lmao yeah 

136. Is cheating ever okay? - No, but I do think that it is forgivable, depending on the situation of course.

137. Do you believe in true love? - What is TRUE love? Love is just love, we don’t understand it

138. What’s your zodiac sign? - Cancer

139. Do you believe in ghosts? - This question is on here twice, very suspicious

140. Get the closest book to you and open it page 42. What is the first line? - Egyptian Wheels and Dimensional Travel  

[diviinedogs]

do you have a klance fic rec?

I did a fic rec a while back over here! but here’s some more fics :oc

I know younger fans follow me so everything in this list like the last one is gonna have no sm/.ut or too much expl/.icit content

THIS IS...... A LOT AND I’M FORGETTING A TON OF FICS I’M CURRENTLY READING because I just read them when they update I don’t have them in bookmarks on my phone but I really should.... I think these are enough for now though, I actually left a bunch of fics out of this one because it was getting too long

if you guys want I could probably make a page of fic recs? let me know :oc

and of course there’s klance-net’s fic library (I help out with it sometimes c:)

nothing’s quite as sweet

Keith is a barista who hates his job. Lance works at the cat shelter across the street. 

this is like....... one of my fave Klance fics of all time tbh along with A Fish and A Bird+it’s sequel, Crossroads, and the next two fics

Homesick at Space Camp

Lance realizes he's been an asshole to Keith, and on a diplomatic mission to a key planet for the Voltron alliance he... overcompensates. 

the characterizaTION IS THIS FIC IS....... SO GOOD....... and it includes the rest of the team too despite the focus on Lance and Keith and I don’t really see that in other fics tbh

Of Escorts and Espionage

Lance preened. Escort? That sounded kind of sexy and badass. “Why, of course, Princess,” he said, standing up to offer his hand at Allura. “I would escort you to the most Galra-infested reaches of the galaxy if you asked.”

Allura’s arm rose but the hand she placed in Lance’s palm was not hers.

It was Keith’s.

there’s some smut here but I think you could easily skip over it

Handbook of Demonology

This psychic—Lance the Lucid, according to the posters, and Keith wasn’t even going to comment on that—was a charlatan, plain and simple, and Keith kind of wanted to punch him. Sure, Lance knew how to put on a show, but Keith doubted there was anything more to the act than charm and dramatic flair.

Pidge sighed, catching Keith’s eyes. “At this point, they’re pretty much our only hope.”

--

While searching for the truth behind their families' disappearance, Keith and Pidge hire a pair of amateur witches to help summon the demon Zarkon. They accidentally summon Allura instead.

Ignorance is Bliss

As it turns out, learning that your house is haunted makes the ghosts a lot more aggressive. Who knew?

Ah, well. At least one of them is hot. And he's the less-evil one, too, so that's always a plus.

Foreign Scenes

Lance has been dreaming of travelling since the first time he heard stories from his family as a child. Now, having finally the time and money to do it, he goes on a trip to Europe to see some of the most culturally rich cities on the continent. Except he keeps bumping into the same guy over and over again, in random cities, doing stupid shit, and ultimately dragging Lance into his trouble, too.

Basically an AU in which Lance and Keith become impromptu travel buddies and get into trouble.

Would You Want Me (If I Want You)

“Well, maybe you just need to relax,” Lance said with a hum, running a hand through his hair as he grinned down at Keith, his back towards the roof. “So just… lean back and enjoy the weightlessness. It’s…. Nice, right?” Lance didn’t know why he was feeling so sheepish all of the sudden, his lips a thin line. Maybe it was the way Keith looked at him from behind his hair, or the fingers clutching the fabric of his shirt, or the slim legs intertwined with his, or the way the lighting seemed to bounce off of Keith’s skin like he was made of glass.

Whatever it was, it made Lance want to do something stupid.

Or; Keith discovering Lance enjoys messing with Altean technology a bit more than he should leads to Keith finally acting on how he feels.

After talking it out, of course.

can you tell me

Keith works in his brother's coffee shop for the summer, expecting a boring break before college. Lance changes all of that.

The boy is still in the front of the group, but he doesn't take off his glasses so Keith can't tell what he's really looking at -- either the menu or Keith. Keith feels a flash of annoyance but smothers it and pins his smile in place.

anything by this author is greAT so yeah :oc

all we have to do

Keith gets hurt during a mission, and Lance is not sure how to handle that.

Lance wakes up on the floor outside of the medical bay, jerking wildly, body a mess of aches and twinges.

Make Me Your Home

“Oh my god, Keeeith,” Lance wheezed. “Keith you’re the best drunk space cadet I’ve ever seen.”

“Space cadet,” Keith mumbled. He repeated the words again although his eyes had zeroed in on Lance’s hands and Lance offered no resistance when Keith picked one of them up and pulled it possessively towards his lap. He began to gently trace over Lance’s fingers, sending shivers up Lance’s arm and down his spine. “You have looong fingers,” Keith murmured after a few moments.

Keith’s face perked up then, as if he’d just had a brilliant idea, and Lance could almost not wait to hear what new obscure thought had entered Keith’s pretty head. He was prepared to laugh, and instead found himself shivering again as Keith leaned far into his personal bubble, lips practically touching Lance’s ear when he spoke next.

“I bet you could reach all kinds of things, Lance.”

some ns/f.w but it’s minor

Medical Duty

Blue is the color of loyalty, so somehow that translates to Lance being the team medic. Except his only first aid skills come from putting bandaids on his younger siblings, and Keith seems to be physically incapable of not getting punched by every new alien they meet.

The Arch Project

When Lance McClain gets promoted to a top secret research project he is delighted to learn that the old conspiracy theories about something crashing in the desert of New Mexico were not entirely wrong. No one is entirely sure what it is that crashed, but it appears to be a man. A very pretty man who hasn't woken up since the crash. Lance is determined to be the first person on the project in a century to finally crack the case of just what this unconscious being is. Human, alien, or something else entirely? But there are forces out there determined to uncover the truth, and steal it if they must. The Voltron Group, a well known hacker group in the research world will apparently stop at nothing to find out what Galra Associated Corperation is hiding. And sooner or later, Lance will have to choose where his loyalties lie.

this fic just started but tbh I’m really excited for it it sounds cool and I don’t think I’ve seen another fic/AU like it :oc

Shadow of the Past / Ghost of the Future

When Lance is thrown through time, he finds himself one year in the future, in place of the Lance that should be here.

He finds his team to be remarkably familiar, yet distinctly different. They have more scars, a better grip on the whole saving the universe thing, and over a year’s worth of teamwork to bind them together. But the weirdest part? Keith seems to be a lot more touchy with him. Not that he’s complaining… much.

The team must try and work out how to reverse the two Lance’s places and restore them to their original timelines. But despite the fact that they’re still his friends, Lance can’t help but feel a little out of place among a team that’s been through so much with a Lance that just isn’t him. And it doesn’t help that the team is on edge around him, refusing to tell him anything for fear of influencing and changing the past. Things get even more complicated when they have to rely on the team in the past to complete the switch, leaving Lance to little more than sit, wait, and attempt to fill in his future self’s shoes.

//

When Lance is thrown through time, his future self from one year ahead is transported to the past in his place.

This Lance is faster, stronger, and markedly more mature. Not only that, but he's distinctly more intuitive about his teammates and A LOT more touchy with Keith.

The team must try and work out how to reverse the two Lance's places and restore them to their original timelines. Things only get more complicated when the Future Lance can't seem to remember where he was when the switch happened, and he refuses to reveal anything about his own time for fear of influencing the team's decisions.

the other fics by the authors are great too :oc

Your Songs Remind Me Of Swimming

A small cove sheltered by rocks opens Lance's eyes to something he had never seen before. He was never much for believing in the supernatural, but maybe all those sea shanties were true.

I love........ siren/mermaid Keith so much just look at my url a/sdkf;jk

lungs

After a near drowning experience as a child in which he doesn't remember how he survived, Lance avoids the ocean he once loved. He doesn't realize that's where his savior lives.

Or: a slice-of-life story about a boy and his mermaid.

another mermaid Keith!

[outsidercade]

You gonna hate me but,,, 1-102? *devil grin* love you ❤

Oh my god OKAY HERE WE GO, 1-102 IN RESPONSE TO THIS 
(Putting it under a cut because this is gonna be LONG oh boy)

1. Favorite season?Definitely fall! It’s got my birthday and perfect temperatures!

2. Prettiest thing you own?Probably my cats lmao

3. Do you prefer to be outside or inside?Honestly it really depends on my mood and the weather and such, but probably inside on average? I’m not sure

4. Furthest ever traveled?I live in Michigan and I’ve been so Japan so I’d say that’s p far

5. What’s your aesthetic in 3 words?It really varies

6. Favorite gemstone?Ooooh uhh… probably bloodstone? It’s hella pretty look it up !

7. Best thing about yourself, in your opinionMy drawing skills

8. Best thing about yourself, in other’s opinionNothing lmao uhh hHHHHH I’ve been told that I’m very empathetic, understanding, and easy/fun to talk to?? 

9. What’s your weirdest fear?Idk if this counts as a fear, but I’m p paranoid about doors and people entering rooms I guess? Like I can’t sleep unless I face the door and I feel really uncomfortable sitting in places where I can’t see every entrance to the room at a time

10. Weirdest dream you’ve ever had?OH MAN well okay uh when I started reading the Harry Potter series in like 7th grade I had this dream where I was like Harry but with wings instead of arms and bird legs? And the dream had the perspective of an RPG or something with a health bar and everything and I had to fight Voldemort in my backyard under my trampoline. Also at some point I ran into my teacher at the time in a hospital in said dream so that was p damn weird

11. Go-to hiding placeAnywhere small, but not too small, where i can be completely hidden without somebody opening a door or latch or something12. Favorite place in your houseLmao my room13. Earliest memoryMy earliest memory is from being on a cruise when I was four and getting really mad at my parents because they saw some dolphins outside and I wasn’t there to see them xD14. Do you believe in ghosts?I’m honestly not sure15. Favorite sea creature?I have no idea so I’m just gonna say sea cucumber or cuttlefish because both are sea creatures that I adore !!16. Cold showers or hot baths?HOT BATHS ALL THE WAY17. Satin or lace?I adore lace so like,,,, definitely that18. Gold or silver?I personally like the way silver looks MUCH better but at the same time there’s The Outsiders and it’s whole kink with the color gold so likeeee,,,,,, idk man19. Hoops or pearl earrings?Pearl20. Aesthetic songShelter by Porter Robinson and Madeon

21. Top 5 songsUHHHH DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE BRUHBut uhh at the moment I guess it would be, in no particular order,1- Another Day from Rent2- Michael in the Bathroom from Be More Chill3- Grease (Is The Word) from Grease Live!4- Beautiful from Heathers5- Nandemonaiya from Your Name

22. Favorite time of the day?Early morning and/or late night

23. Favorite part of your body?Again nothing lmao but I guessss my eyes????

24. Do you drink alcohol?I’m fourteen years old and also allergic to beer so I mean

25. Dream job from when you were a kidI don’t want to do this anymore, but when I was a Smol I really wanted to start a pet-sitting business in my town xD

26. Messy or clean?It depends tbh. Likkkkke my room is messy af but I’m super overprotective of some things and will like stab somebody if they get a book of mine dirty

27. Tea or coffee?I don’t really like either but I guess tea?

28. Favorite bookTHE OUTSIDERS THE OUTSIDERS THE OUTSIDERS TH 

29. Zodiac sign?Libra all the way B)

30. Extrovert or introvert?I think I’m more of an extrovert, but it’s hard to tell

31. Celebrity crush?I mean there are a LOT of celebrities I could look at and be like “oh yeah that person’s hella cute!!” but I don’t think I’ve ever had a real celebrity crush

32.  Early bird or night owl?Both lmao

33. Do you believe in love at first sight?I want to but ehHHHHH not really

34. Favorite book quote Honestly I,,,,, don’t have one. I’m super bad at remembering quotes and things like that so I don’t have a favorite book quote ;;

35. Three wishes you haveI’m gonna sound like a greedy bitch but1- To have better grades/be better at life in general2- To be more wealthy3- To get my dream job

36. Do you believe in magic?I have No Idea

37. Do you believe in soulmates?Not really, but I do believe that there are certain people who will definitely be more compatible by nature

38. Zoo or aquarium?I LOVE ZOOS

39. Cats or dogs?I love both but I’ve never owned a dog and I grew up with cats sOOO I’d probably have to say those

40. How many languages do you speak?English is my first language so there’s that but I also know a tiny bit of Japanese?? Not really enough to count it as knowing another language tho

41. How has your life changed from last year?I’ve developed a p bad social anxiety disorder this year so there’s that?

42. Why do you have your name/url?I’ve got my name just because my parents like it, and I have my url because if you couldn’t tell I’m obsessed with The Outsiders, and ESPECIALLY Johnny Cade xD

43.  Do you keep secrets? How well?I definitely try my best to, but I tend to accidentally let things slip without meaning to on occasion,,,

44. Favorite animal?I HAVE A LOT SO, AGAIN IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER,1- Caribou2- Kangaroos3- River otters4- Birds in general lmao

45. What is love to you?UhhHHHHHHHHH I have no idea how to interpret this question but,,,I don’t know, I guess love, platonic or romantic, is when there’s somebody who you trust and feel really comfortable with, and who you enjoy spending time together with and uhh. I guess that? I don’t know, I apologize 

46. Future children name?I don’t really want kids and if I did I’d adopt, so idk

47. Favorite colorPurple! ^^

48. Favorite movieTHE OUTSIDERS THE OUTSIDERS THE OUTSIDERS TH

49. Cuddles or kisses?I’m a slut for cuddles tbh so definitely that

50. If you could have any person in the world over for dinner, who would it be?I have. No Idea

51. Someone to bring back from the deadMy cat Persion who died last fall ;;

52. Lipstick or lipgloss?I don’t really like either very much tbh

53. Are you street smart or book smart?I’m just not smart lmao

54. Your biggest strengthI’m super nice and friendly, so I guess there’s that

55. Favorite sportVolleyball!!

56. Favorite drink?Just plain ice water lmao

57. Favorite winter activity?I LOVE sledding like oh man I get super sad if I miss the chance to go

58. Last time you went abroadWhen I went to Japan in November!

59. Favorite dessert?OKAY I FUCKING LOVE THOSE DOUGHNUTS WITH THE CUSTARD INSIDE AND THE CHOCOLATE ON TOP THOSE ARE THE FUCKING BEST

60. Favorite artistI don’t necessarily have one but I guess I really love @ikimaru because her art style was a HUGE influence on me while I was developing mine and also her art is just Super Gorgest

61. Favorite singer/bandI don’t really have one, I’m kinda just obsessed with Broadway music in general

62. Favorite dancing songI don’t think I have one?

63. Favorite crying songFinale A, Your Eyes, and Finale B from Rent (I can’t find any good videos of the original Broadway cast recording of this and I don’t like the movie version so oops ;;)

64. Do you wear glasses?Yep, have since first grade!

65. First thing you do when you wake upCheck my phone lmao

66. How long do you usually sleep for?It varies a lot but probably about six-seven hours on average

67. One thing you lost and you want backI can’t think of anything off the top of my head I’m Afraid

68. Biggest fearBeing unsuccessful in life and/or being hated/alone/forgotten 

69. Favorite carnival rideI’ve only been to one carnival ever but there was this thing that flipped you around a lot in a lil cage-like thing and I LOVED that !

70. Do you have birthmarks or scars?I get injured a lot and have a bad habit of picking at scabs, so I have a lot of little scars everywhere

71. Favorite childhood memory?Probably when I first got my kitten Kivu in fourth grade, he’s a Good Boy

72. What do you think about during a storm?“wow that sure is one cool storm”

73. One word to describe your life?What

74. Craziest thing ever doneOnce when I was little I tried to wake up my Dad by throwing a hamster at him xD

75. Do you have piercings or tattoos?I don’t have either currently, but I might be getting my ears pierced later today!

76. Favorite flowerI don’t think I have one 

77. Do you have any pets?Yep! I’ve got my rabbit Tamaki, and my cats Ginger and Kivuli ^^

78. Describe your style??????

79. Choose one thing to change about yourselfThe way I look prolly

80. Do you play any musical instruments?I used to play cello, but I don’t anymore 

81. If your life was a movie would it be a comedy, a rom-com, action film or drama?Probably a comedy or a drama? ?? ?

82. Do you prefer dark, dramatic makeup or natural makeup?I like both a lot, it really depends on my mood or the person !

83. Favorite perfumeEw No Thanks

84. Biggest fandomCurrently probably The Outsiders? I’m not sure tbh

85. Favorite Youtuber(s)No particular order again lmao1- Game Grumps2- Markiplier3- Nostalgia Critic4- PeanutButterGamer5- SpaceHamster

86. OTPOH BOY UHH UHHonestly I love so many ships in so many different ways that I don’t think I could choose !!

87. Country, state where you were bornMichigan in the US ^^

88. Your parents’ namesCarol and David

89. Favorite snackI love waaayyy too many snack foods to choose!

90. Pasta or pizzaPASTA ALL THE FUCKING WAY

91. Pen or pencilI definitely like pencils a Lot more

92. Blue or black inkBlack !

93. Paper books or electronic books?I am a slut for paper books tbh lmao

94. History or geography?History is WAY more interesting to me 

95. Pastel or neonP A S T E L !!!!!

97. Soap or body wash Uhhhhhhh…. Shrug?

98. Conditioner, no conditioner, or 2 in 1 shampoo & conditionerI honestly haven’t used any conditioner in years,,, ;;

99. Singing in the shower or notSometimes !

100. Listen to music while bathing or silenceBoth, it depends on what I’m in the mood for xD

101. Blow dry, towel dry, or air dry your hairA combo of towel and air unless I’m in a rush or something

102. Morning or night showers?DEFINITELY night 

THERE YOU GO, ANON, 1-102 

FUCKIN ENJOY