#tbh this got real deep and there's some pretty personal shit in here I got a bit emotional but yeah

[anonymous-dentist]

Okay I did some vod searching and here’s Cellbit’s pov of the prison announcement (in the form of a pretty badly clipped video lol)

A couple of things to note:

The silence

The stammer

The knife

The eyes

First, the silence, because it could be easy to miss from another pov because he was already pretty quiet before. But you can see the literal second it registers what Forever had just said because the change in the silence is palpable. He didn’t even raise his voice above the noise when he asked Forever if he was being serious.

Second, the stammer. This is a man who is very good at talking. Look at him during the presidential debates, nothing was able to keep him from talking, not even his own suicide. But then here he… can’t talk. He’s that shocked, and he’s terrified. See:

Third, the knife. Now this knife. Now this knife. It’s his emotional support murder knife. He only brings it out when he feels scared, and it’s gotta be a real deep fear for him to bring it out. It’s only been a few times, namely when he’s been triggered over his past, most notably when he and Richarlyson explored the Federation prison after Pac’s kidnapping.

And then fourth, the eyes. After he takes the knife out, Cellbit’s eyes flick back and forth between Forever the audience in what appears to be genuine confusion. Because, and this is important, Forever never told Cellbit about the prison. So between the fear and the Horrors, there’s some actual legitimate confusion in there because he didn’t know about this.

So now, after all that, let’s take a look at q!Cellbit’s character in general because I know there are people who don’t know about his very tragic backstory.

So Cellbit was in prison for… something. Probably murder tbh, but that was never confirmed. He was in prison with Pac e Mike and he was a really bad person. As in, murdering people, threatening people, ripping human ears off, stabbing, inciting riots (I think???). He killed Felps. He almost got Pac and Mike to kill each other.

And then, after being left to die alone on an island, Cellbit got some goddamn help for the first time in his life.

Before prison, he was in a war (ie the Hunger Games.) Then he was in prison, and the math is hunting towards him being incarcerated prior to his eighteenth birthday. He was 18-ish when he was in prison, and he’s 26 now, and he spent those eight years in therapy. Now he’s a better person, and he’s a very scared person.

He has many triggers, but the one that’s come up the most has been prison. He killed Abueloier that first time because they were in a prison-like cell. After hearing that Pac e Mike were arrested, he almost became another person as he interrogated Foolish (just watch that vod back, the whiplash is there.) When exploring the Federation’s prison, he was visibly on edge, clutching his emotional support murder knife and tensing when he saw all of the cells and almost stabbing Cucurucho when it appeared. Foolish asked if he could arrest him, Cellbit immediately turned him down, and he went behind his husband’s back to convince Foolish not to arrest him, either. (I’m not sure if he knows in-character about the prison cell in the new murder mystery game, but he will Not be happy if he gets put in there.)

So. Prison.

He wants to be a better person, is the thing. Cellbit doesn’t like thinking about who he was as Cell- he canonically even avoids cellphones when he can (see: Abueloier.) But he can’t help what happens when he’s triggered: he killed Abueloier, he almost attacked Cucurucho and risked his whole new infiltration plan. He’s worried about hurting someone again, because he knows he’s capable of it. He might not be the best at pvp, but that doesn’t matter when half the server is just as bad as he is (/affectionate.)

He doesn’t want to hurt his family, and there being a big huge physical trigger all of a sudden in the form of this prison he wasn’t ever told about has clearly made him realize that, oh shit, this could be bad. Bad for himself, and thus bad for others.

[loversj0y]

id meet you where the spirit meets the bones

inspired by @lillylvjy's ghost au! go give it a read and give lilly some love!!

wilbur soot x gn! reader

TWs: death, lots of talks about death, reader cries a few times, nightmares, reader nearly dies, stalking, body horror, slightly suggestive stuff (wilbur is flirty af)

word count: 13k. i am not sorry

note: this has not been edited/beta read at all. also i know jack shit about ghosts tbh aside from the light pagan/spirit work i used to do so. dont take any of the ghostly advice here seriously its all for spooky vibes and ambiance. also if anyone can notice the red flags i include at a Specific Section i will give u a smooch, title taken from ivy by taylor swift

taglist: @l0veb0mb1ng, @core-queen

You didn’t believe in ghosts. You weren't strong in this opinion, it was just a matter of not believing everything you saw on the internet. You never had any personal experiences with ghosts yourself, so you had no reason to actually believe in them. 

While this didn’t mean a lot, it did mean that the house everyone avoided on the corner was about to be yours. 

You knew the stories and the warnings:

Be careful! You know they say those boys haunt those walls!

It was brutal what happened here, are you sure it’s safe? 

Good luck! They say those who move in there either leave dead or never leave! 

Honestly, it didn’t deter you. A brutal murder of two brothers in the 90s should have scared you. However, you went in for a showing, and the place seemed perfectly fine. It was the cheapest place you could buy, and you couldn’t stand having a landlord anymore. Ghosts are miles better than landlords, at least they live in the place and don’t just act like they do. 

You took the deal. The move in process was pretty easy, too. You borrowed a work friend’s truck, and you and her brought in some of your heavier furniture (your old mattress, the couch you bought on Facebook, the TV you got from a friend who couldn’t take it with him), and the rest of the boxes you and her just piled into the living room. You thanked her, paying her for her help as well, and then it was just you, standing in your new, box-filled living room. 

You took a deep breath as you looked around, almost stunned by the stillness of the room. You’d never actually lived on your own before, always some family or roommate with you, so it was… almost uncomfortable to see an empty room with no sound. 

The silence was broken after a moment, though, your phone ringing loudly from the kitchen counter. You walked over and answered, starting to unpack as you spoke on the phone. 

“Hello?”

“Hi, sweetie, how’s the move going?” It was your mum, voice kind and welcoming. 

“It’s good, mum,” you chuckled, opening up your first box of kitchenware, “Working on boxes now.”

“That’s good, I’m glad to hear it.” You could hear her smile through the phone. “The place is nice?”

“Yeah, the house is really nice,” you carefully shifted some pots into the back of the cabinet, “it’s an older house, but it’s lovely. The backyard is really pretty too, I think you’d love it. Really peaceful.”

“Oh, love, not to be rude, but I don’t imagine I’ll be coming there anytime soon.”

“I know, I know, you don’t like the drive.”

“Well, yes, but…” you could hear the apprehension in her voice, “sweetie, you’ve heard about this… place you’re living in, of course. I’m not sure how safe it is.” 

You chuckled, standing up fully and leaning against the kitchen counter, “Never took you for a believer in ghosts, mum.” 

The air felt a bit tense around you. 

“Well, when you’re my age, sweetheart, you’d rather not test your luck.” 

That brought a laugh out of you, “Mum, you don’t look a day over thirty.” You smiled, looking around the house a bit. “Besides, have you even heard the full story?”

“I’ve heard about the brutal murder part, but I suppose not much else.” 

“It was two boys,” you sighed softly, “Eighteen and twenty-six. If ghosts are even real, I don’t imagine they’d want to cause much trouble. If anything, they’d probably be scared.” 

A rattling sound came from your left, causing you to falter in your words. You walked to see the source of the noise, quickly noticing a few of the pots still in the box had shifted, presumably having fallen over.

You continued speaking easily, “I mean, god, mum, imagine dying and being forced to live in the place you were killed while seeing tens of people move into your home. I’d be confused and scared too.”

“I suppose,” you heard your mother reply, and it felt like some of the tension left the room. “Either way, just promise me, you’ll be safe? If anything seems amiss, I can call my sister-“

“Oh, god, mum, Aunt Cate couldn’t tell a ghost from a sock, I’d rather not have her in here spewing her Catholic bullshit.”

Your mother laughed, and it made some of the homesickness fade a bit, “Fair enough, dearie. Listen, I’ve got to run, but call me tomorrow, please?”

“I will, mum. I love you.”

“Love you too, dear.” 

The line hung up, and you sighed softly, hanging your head for a moment. It felt too quiet already. You opened up Spotify, choosing some random playlist and continuing your work with unpacking. You played some soft indie music, gentle but upbeat guitar flowing from your phone's speaker as you finished unpacking your kitchen. You started working on the living room items, small knick knacks and photos being arranged carefully. 

As you cleaned, the playlist took a bit of a wild turn. Instead of the soft plucking of a guitar, the next song starts, and you’re immediately stunned by the sound of some electronic-sounding music. You walked over to your phone which — you didn’t remember leaving it unlocked — was playing a song called “Able Sisters”. From Animal Crossing. Very odd choice. It wasn’t bad though, so you pretty much just shrugged it off, going back to unpacking. 

Nothing else weird really occurred that night, and you wouldn’t even consider the music thing that weird. It just was technology being weird. You ordered food, sitting cross-legged on the couch and watching a movie while you ate. After you ate, you cleaned up after yourself and became acutely aware of how you felt far more Adult than you ever had before. You sat back down and relaxed for the first time all day. You were curled into the side of the couch, and to your surprise, you actually didn’t feel very alone. You figured by now you’d be going through your contacts, calling anyone just to feel like there was another person with you. It wasn’t long before you’d fallen asleep, and if you woke up with a blanket around you that certainly hadn’t been near you the night before, you didn’t notice. 

You finished your move-in process with little hassle. By the end of the week, you were pretty much completely moved in, save for a few boxes that you had to bring up to the attic. You began to understand why people thought the house was creepy, especially with the amount of creaks and noises you’d hear throughout the day, but given the age of the house, it didn’t bother you. 

You carried the boxes upstairs, opening the door to the attic and stacking them up in the corner. You looked around at the attic, smiling softly. There were signs that the attic was lived in, and it was actually kind of nice to see. There were a few things that had been left behind from past owners, and you walked around, taking a look at some of the items. There were a few boxes with things like old clothes, and from looking at them, it hit you that these weren’t any items that had been left behind, but rather the items left behind by the two dead boys’ family. It sent a shiver down your back, but it made you more sad than scared. You went back to one of your boxes, pulling out an old candle and a spare box of matches. There was a small table in the corner of the room, and you set the candle down, lighting it. 

Even though you didn’t think there was anyone here, you still spoke outloud, “it’s not much, but I hope it’s something.”

You went back to looking through some of their items, trying to find anything that seemed important to add to the corner table. It relieved you to see that most of the items were non-sentimental items. There were no photos or family heirlooms that had been left behind, just normal items. You did find some smaller objects that you could add to the small table, though, like a red beanie and two CDs. You walked around the small attic a bit more, smiling at an acoustic guitar you found stashed behind some of the boxes. You were shocked by the lack of dust, but it was even more shocking that the guitar was in tune. You didn’t know how to play much except for a few simple chords, so it was at least nice to know there was one up here.

The next object you found was also hidden. It was stashed in the very corner, hidden in a small crevice between paneling in the wall. It was a small compass. You held it up to the light, gently trying to clean some debris off of it. The weird thing happened when you turned the compass over, noticing a small engraving on the back. Before you could read it, though, the compass flew out of your hand, hitting the wall before rolling back into the crevice that you’d found it. 

Okay. Definitely weird. You felt your opinion of whether or not ghosts existed being swayed. 

“Okay,” you said, backing up a bit, “Sorry. I won’t touch it again.”

You spoke simply. If ghosts were real, you still did believe that they’d probably be more scared than anything, especially if someone was touching their things. And there wasn’t a problem until you’d touched the compass, so you figured that must’ve been something important. If it was something important, you didn’t want to mess with it. It wasn’t yours, point-blank. So, instead, you went back to cleaning up the attic, sorting through boxes and neatly arranging them, and adding small things you’d find to the table in the corner. By the time you finished it was nearly dinner, so you carefully put out the candle (not wanting it to be burning unsupervised) and went downstairs to make dinner.

The few days past that went by with pretty much no weirdness. You truly weren’t sure what to believe now. You almost thought yourself crazy, but it was probably just a side effect of not having left the house since you’d moved in. You had work today, though. It was your first day back, and for whatever reason, you felt nervous. You definitely seemed it too. You nearly burnt your breakfast, cursing and fretting around the kitchen, a slight shake to your hands. You chose an outfit for the day, setting it on the bed. You rushed to take a shower, leaving the bathroom humid and steamy. You got dressed and finished making yourself look presentable before making some coffee to bring with you to work. You kept fretting with your hair and fidgeting. You walked back to the bathroom, trying to double check your hair. The mirror was still fogged up, causing you to groan. 

Instead, though, you felt your brain short-circuit as you leaned back and words started slowly appearing on the foggy of the mirror. 

‘Don’t worry. You look amazing.’

A blush rose to your cheeks as you took a moment to process. 

Ghosts?

Yeah. Ghosts.

Nice one, though, at the very least. You weren’t exactly going to scream and run when the compliment did actually help relax you a bit. 

“Thank you,” you smiled softly, focusing on the matter at hand a bit more. 

“Can you write your name, if you don’t mind? I’d like to know who I’m living with.” The question felt a bit risky, especially since this was the first time you’d gotten proper confirmation that he existed. 

‘Wilbur. And the other one is Tommy.’

You nodded, “Well, thank you, Wilbur.” You thought for a moment before your phone alarm went off, letting you know you had to leave for work. You cursed, sighing, “Okay, I have to go, but I’d like to talk more when I get back. Is that possible?”

You awaited a response, and you got one after a moment. 

‘:)’

Okay. That’s good. At least you think it is. 

You nodded, pulling your bag up on your shoulder before walking to the door. You paused at the door, turning back,

“Bye, Wilbur. Bye, Tommy. I’ll be home later!” you spoke out into the empty room, hoping they were there to hear it, before rushing out the door to work. 

Work was uneventful for the most part. A few coworkers asked about your new place, asking if you’d heard any ghosts or creepy things. You decided to lie, telling them that you hadn’t experienced anything. The last thing you’d wanted was people somehow confirming the existence of ghosts and either considering you crazy or trying to make a spectacle of the boys. It was bad enough that they weren’t allowed to move on in the afterlife, you didn’t want to make things worse for them. 

You did spend quite a bit of your freetime at work looking things up about ghosts, however. Most of the stuff you found was pretty fake from the looks of it, but honestly, up until you’d moved in, you never even thought about if ghosts were real or not. You found a lot of potentially good information too, though, about pendulums and spirit boards and how to make them at home. 

When you got home, you opened the door slowly, humming as you walked in, “Hi, Tommy. Hi, Wilbur. I’m home.” There was a smile on your face. You didn’t get much of a response, not that you were really expecting one, but there was a knocking that let you know you were at least heard.

You went to your room, grabbing an old necklace. It was a simple necklace, a thin silver chain and a small guitar pendant. You also grabbed a pen and a sheet of paper. After a moment, you had an idea as well, printing out a morse code guide. You sat down in front of your coffee table, writing out a circle with ‘Yes’, ‘No’, and ‘Maybe’ written along opposite sides of the circle. You also put the morse code sheet next to you, sighing softly. Okay, communing with the dead. This is nothing. Sure. You can do this.

“So, if you’re ready, and want to communicate, can you move the pendant to yes?” You asked outloud, holding up your necklace over the circle. After a moment, the pendant started swinging to ‘yes’, and you took a slow breath.

“Okay, so for yes and no, we can use this. If you want to elaborate, you can knock with the morse code here, and I can work it out. Does that work?”

Once again, the pendant swung to yes. 

You nodded, taking a deep breath.

“Who am I talking to right now? Is this Wilbur? Or Tommy?”

You got no response from the pendant. Instead, you heard knocking on the table, and you started scribing the knocking.

‘-... --- - ....’

You looked down at the sheet. ‘Both’. 

You nodded, thinking for a moment, “Is it okay that I’m here?”

The pendant swung to ‘yes’, and you let out a soft breath of relief. 

“Are you guys okay? I mean, it-it’s probably scary being stuck as ghosts and such, so…”

There was a long pause before you got any response. 

‘.. / .- -- / -. --- - / ... -.-. .- .-. . -.. / .. / .- -- / .- / -... .. --. / -- .- -.’

‘I AM NOT SCARED I AM A BIG MAN’ 

Before you could even respond, there was more knocking.

‘... --- .-. .-. -.-- --..-- / - .... .- - / .-- .- ... / - --- -- -- -.-- .-.-.- / .-- . .----. .-. . / --- -.- .- -.-- / - .... --- ..- --. .... --..-- / ..-. --- .-. / - .... . / -- --- ... - / .--. .- .-. - .-.-.-’

‘sorry, that was Tommy. We're okay though, for the most part.’

You chuckled softly, “That’s good to hear. Sorry, Tommy, I didn’t mean any offense.”

‘.. - .----. ... / ..-. .. -. . .-.-.- / -.. --- -. .----. - / - --- ..- -.-. .... / -- -.-- / -.-. --- -- .--. .- ... ... / .- --. .- .. -. --..-- / - .... --- ..- --. .... .-.-.-’

‘IT'S FINE. DON'T TOUCH MY COMPASS AGAIN, THOUGH.’

“Oh, of course,” you hummed, “if you want, I can set up an area in the attic for you guys to keep more private things. Two areas, actually, so you guys have your own space. Does that work?”

The pendant swung to ‘Yes’ incredibly fast, and you chuckled. 

“Alright, good to hear, then. Speaking of, is there anything you guys want me to do differently? Or maybe that you want me to stop doing?”

There was another long pause.

‘-. --- .. ... .’

‘Noise.’

“Noise?”

‘.-- . .----. .-. . / -- --- .-. . / ... . -. ... .. - .. ...- . / - --- / .-.. --- ..- -.. / -. --- .. ... . ... / -. --- .-- .-.-.-’

‘We’re more sensitive to loud noises now.’

You nodded, “Okay. When I put on the TV or music, just knock and I can turn it down. Or, if you’re able to, you can turn it down yourself. I’m not sure what I can do about my alarm, though… I need them loud to wake up.”

‘.-- . / -.-. --- ..- .-.. -.. / .-- .- -.- . / -.-- --- ..-’

‘WE COULD WAKE YOU’

“You could?”

‘.. / -.-. --- ..- .-.. -.. .-.-.- / -.. --- / -. --- - / .-.. . - / - --- -- -- -.-- / .-- .- -.- . / -.-- --- ..- .-.-.- / .... . / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / -... .-. . .- -.- / ... --- -- . - .... .. -. --. .-.-.-’

‘I could. Do not let Tommy wake you. He will break something.’

You giggled a bit, nodding, “Alright. Sure. I don’t have work tomorrow, so we can test it out, and if not, we can see what else we could do.”

The pendant swung to ‘Yes’, and you hummed happily. 

“Alright, if that’s everything, then I’m going to make dinner. But, if you need to get my attention, just knock three times. Or if you have a better way, you can do that too, but still. This is your home before it was mine, and I want to make it be comfortable for you both. You guys are more just like… my ghost roommates. Okay?”

The pendant swung to ‘yes’ once again before you gently set it down. 

You stood, going to the kitchen before speaking again, “Oh, and if you want to use anything that’s in the living room, feel free. I don’t mind. If it’s something in my room, just ask first.”

You turned on some music as you started cooking, keeping it low for their sake. You were in your element when you cooked, finding comfort in the motions as you thought about today. Ghosts were real. It was not something you could be indifferent to anymore. Ghosts are real, and not just that, you also lived with two of them. It was actually nice, though. You didn’t feel alone, at least. 

You hummed to yourself as you cooked, leaning up on your tiptoes to try and grab a plate from one of the top shelves. You struggled, nearly dropping the plate before it carefully was lifted, seeming to float down from the shelf. Even if you couldn’t see the ghost, you could feel how close he was to you as he gently set the plate down on the counter.

“Thank you,” you spoke softly, cheeks tinted pink. You smiled, once again feeling relieved by the fact that you weren’t alone. In a house known for being scary, you’d never felt safer. 

You finished the rest of dinner with ease, taking a plate and walking back to the living room. When you walked back in, you noticed something interesting. The seat on the far left of the couch, while still empty, had your Rubix cube floating, turning occasionally. You chuckled softly, sitting to the far right to eat your dinner. You looked back at the Rubix cube, trying to figure out which one was playing with it.

“Is there anyway for me to tell the difference between you both? Since I can’t see you?”

The Rubix cube paused in it’s movements, and for a moment, you almost wondered if you scared them off. 

After a moment, the pendant you had been using earlier lifted, and you watched as the necklace floated to presumably be placed around a neck. 

‘.-- .. .-.. -... ..- .-.’

You looked down at the paper. ‘Wilbur.’

You nodded, understanding quickly. “Hold on, I’ll get one for you, Tommy.” You set the plate down, hurrying back to your room and grabbing another old necklace. This one was simpler, a thin black chord with a small silver dog-tag on it. 

You walked back in, moving towards the Rubix cube, “Here, Tommy.” 

You felt a cold tingle on your hand as the necklace lifted, slowly being arranged around his neck as well. To you, it was just two floating necklaces. However, it gave you enough distinction that you could at least tell who was who.

You smiled, sitting back down to finish eating. You turned on a movie, though you didn’t pay too much attention. You were incredibly aware of the two ghosts sitting next to you. It was Wilbur sitting next to you and next to him was Tommy. It was almost weird how comfortable you felt with them here. Even if they’d been here the entire time, it was different now that there was actual confirmation that they were here. You didn’t know anything about ghosts. You felt completely out of your element. You knew that they could interact with the environment, since they could pick stuff up and put things on, but you didn’t know what else they could do. Could they make noises? Could they become full-blow apparitions? As little as you knew, you felt worried about asking. It took a few days just for them to actually let you know they existed. The last thing you wanted to do was scare them away in their own home.

Could they even leave if they wanted to? People only ever spoke about them being here in the place they were killed. They probably wouldn’t even want to stay here if they had a choice. It made you upset to think about, the fact that they may not have a choice in this whatsoever. You couldn’t tell if you wanted to yell or cry or hug them because of it. 

You stood up and cleaned your plate, chewing on your lip while you did. You wished you could help them. If they wanted it. That was another thing you had to consider. Maybe they were happy here. You didn’t know, honestly, and you wanted to know. For now you wouldn’t ask, though. Maybe, hopefully, when you got closer with them. 

You walked back over to the couch, sitting back where you had been before. The TV had changed to some ghost show, and it almost made you laugh. You went to grab the remote, but knocking stopped you.

‘- .... .- - / .. ... / -. --- - / .-- .... .- - / .. - / .. ... / .-.. .. -.- . --..-- / - .... . ... . / ..-. ..- -.-. -.- .. -. / .-- .-. --- -. --. ..- -. …’

‘THAT IS NOT WHAT IS IT LIKE, THESE FUCKIN WRONGUNS,’

You snorted, chuckling a bit, “Yeah. Most of these ghost hunting shows are completely made up.” You looked, noting that it was Tommy who had moved. “They fake everything, so they can keep making money, Tommy. It’s stupid. They’ve probably caused more harm than anything else.”

‘- .... .- - .----. ... / -.. ..- -- -... .-.-.- / - .... . -.-- / ... .... --- ..- .-.. -.. / .--- ..- ... - / .- ... -.- / ..-. .. .-. ... - --..-- / .- - / .-.. . .- ... - / - --- / -... . / .... --- -. . ... - / .- -... --- ..- - / .. - .-.-.-.’

‘THAT’S DUMB. THEY SHOULD JUST ASK FIRST, AT LEAST BE HONEST ABOUT IT.’

You sighed, nodding, “I agree. I mean, if there are ghosts there, they’re probably just annoying them. Or even worse, they’re probably scaring them.”

You got no response to that, deciding instead to change the channel to something more lighthearted. 

You started getting tired, and you grabbed your blanket, pulling it over your legs. You spread it out as well, letting it cover both of the boys as well. You noticed and looked curiously as you could “see” their legs through the blanket. Obviously, it was just the outline of their – bodies? Ghost form? God, it was starting to confuse you a bit. You chuckled a bit when you noticed, though, smiling softly. At least you weren’t going completely crazy. 

You leaned back a bit, leaning your legs on the coffee table as you watched the TV. You felt the cushion behind you shift slightly, a cold and tingly feeling coming across your shoulders. You looked to your right, seeing Wilbur’s necklace shift a bit. Huh. Did he- was his arm around your shoulder?

You felt yourself flush a bit, leaning into the sensation. The tingling feeling went away slowly, and you felt yourself relaxing more and more. It didn’t take much longer before you fell asleep.

When you woke up, you were in your bed. You didn’t remember how you got there. What you did wake up to, though, was a gentle shaking and a chill on your arm. Your eyes fluttered open, and you were met with the sight of a floating necklace. You almost laughed out of absurdity, blinking the sleep out of your eyes. 

“Good morning to you too, Wilbur,” you chuckled, slowly sitting up. “Thanks for waking me.”

You stretched, and the only reply you got was a gentle knocking on your nightstand. There was no pattern or morse code used, just a few taps to let you know he was responding. 

You stood and got started with your morning, and you noted the soft sound of the necklace Wilbur wore as he followed you out to the living room. It was harder to spot Tommy. What wasn’t hard to spot was the girl sitting in your living room. 

“Uh… hello?” You asked, and the girl’s head whipped around to see you. 

“Oh! Sorry! Tommy let me in.” 

… What? “What? He did?”

She stood, walking over to you, outstretching her hand, “I’m Molly.”

You shook her hand, nodding, “Nice to meet you. Wait- I’m sorry- you know Tommy?”

She nodded quickly, and you noted a light blush on her face, “Yeah. I’ve been visiting this house for a long time, so I’ve known Wilbur and Tommy for a while. Tommy and I are really close.” 

You nodded slowly, “Right. Okay. I didn’t realize they had friends.”

“Tom and I are a bit closer than that,” she blushed darker, rubbing the back of her neck, “Wait, you know about them, too. And you’re staying here?” “Yeah. It’s their house, I’m just living in it,” you shrugged. “You and Tommy are… dating?”

“Essentially. Sorry about just coming in, he said you wouldn’t mind.” 

“It’s alright. I mean, bit of a scary way to wake up, to be honest, but if he trusts you, and you do this often, then I’m sure you mean no harm.”

She smiled, “I really don’t. I just liked giving them company at first, and then Tommy and I got closer, so…” the blush returned, and she leaned back into what you assumed were Tommy’s arms, now that you noticed his necklace behind her. 

“Alright. Cool. As long as you don’t break shit, I don’t mind.”

Molly nodded quickly, “of course! I usually can’t stay long anyways. I just like stopping by on my way to work or when I have a day off from classes.”

“Alright,” you nodded, walking to the kitchen, “well, if you ever want, I can clean up the spare room for you to stay in if you need it. Do you want any coffee?”

“I’m good, thank you, though.” Molly smiled, moving to sit back on the couch. Wilbur was still behind you as you started brewing coffee, and you could faintly feel his hand on your back. 

You grabbed a notepad, holding out a pen for Wilbur and whispering to him, “So, they’re dating?”

‘Yep. She’s really nice.’

You nodded, humming softly, “She seems so. Do you like her?”

‘Yeah. She’s good for Tommy. He would get pretty lonely when it was just me here and everyone else would leave due to us being here. Plus, it’s funny to watch him get flustered whenever she comes around.’

You chuckled, nodding. “Alright. I’m glad he has someone then. Are there others? Do you have anyone?”

‘There were others. We don’t know what happened to most of them since they all pretty much just stopped coming around. But if you’re asking if I’m single, darling, I’m very much available ;)’

You flushed, turning to grab your coffee, “I- I just meant if I should expect any other visitors or anything.” You took a sip as he replied.

‘Nope. Just her. And don’t get shy on me now, love. You’re too cute to hide your face from me.’

You choked on your coffee, face turning a beet red as you coughed. 

Molly ran in, looking at you with concern, “Are you alright?”

You nodded, giving her a meek thumbs up as you calmed down, “‘m fine.” You coughed a bit more, slowly taking in a breath.

Molly looked down at the notepad, grinning after a moment, “Ohh, I see. You’ve caught Wilbur’s attention, then?”

“Guess so,” you rubbed the back of your neck, a blush still resting on your cheeks.

“No wonder he seemed so happy when he talked about you.” She giggled, turning.

“Wait- talked about me? You can hear them?”

She turned back, looking a bit confused, “Uh, yeah. I’m actually shocked they haven’t spoken to you yet. Though, it took them a long while before they started talking back to me too, so I guess it makes sense.”

“So, they can speak then?”

She snorted, “Yeah. Of course they can. Do you- you don’t know much about ghosts, do you?” You shook your head slowly, “I didn’t even know if they were real before this.”

“Oh,” she hummed, “Well, as I’m sure you know now, they are very real. Tom and Wilbur and most ghosts are really cool. They’re just kind of doing their own thing. Some can be less than friendly, but don’t worry about them too much.”

You nodded as you listened, “How do you know so much about this?”

She shrugged, “I’ve been talking with ghosts since I was a kid.”

“Huh. Alright, well, you clearly know more about it than I do. Anything you can tell me, I’d be glad to hear.”

She thought for a moment, “Tommy’s favorite color is red. And Wilbur’s is teal,” she perked up, “Oh! And Tommy’s birthday is April 9th, and Wilbur’s is September 14th,” she smiled.  “It’s probably best if they tell you more about themselves, though.”

You nodded, “Right, well, thank you, though.”

She grinned, “Of course. Have fun with Wilbur,” she giggled, and it made your cheeks flush once again as she walked back out to the living room. 

You took a deep breath, leaning against the counter. Wilbur was still by you, and you watched as the pen lifted once more. 

‘Didn’t mean to make you choke. Sorry for taking your breath away ;)’

You snorted softly, “Oh, you very well meant it. But I don’t mind.”

‘Oh? Good to know then. I am glad you’re okay, though. Don’t need three ghosts in one place.’

For some reason, him wanting you to be okay made you flush more than any of his actual flirting.

A few weeks had gone by, and now, you had fallen into a comfortable routine. Wilbur was always ready to flirt, it seemed, whether it be through morse code, notes left around your house, or by using your phone to play romantic songs. It was really nice. Your week always followed a similar pace, you’d go to work on the weekdays, spend time with the boys when you got home, and Molly would come over on Saturday mornings and most of Sunday to hang out with you and Wilbur, but mostly Tommy. You learned more about her, learning that she was going to a University nearby, and that she’d moved to this town a few years back, where she quickly started visiting the boys after learning about the rumors of them in town. You learned more about Wilbur and Tommy too. Wilbur liked indie music and cats. Tommy liked songs that reminded him of being alive and video games, watching them and playing them if he could. You really enjoyed your routine, and you had grown to genuinely care about them.

The first time you hear Wilbur’s voice was an accident. It was late, about three A.M., and you couldn’t sleep. It was a weekend, thankfully, but you couldn’t stand just sitting there in the dark anymore. You got up, walking around the living room when you heard soft music playing. Curiously, you walked up towards the attic where the sound was coming from. You could make out the sounds of a guitar, and from outside the door, you could hear singing. And my god, it was beautiful. He had a soft voice, melodic but not too deep. After listening for a moment, you opened the door, searching for the sound.

While you didn’t see him, you saw the guitar perched up, so you knew it was Wilbur. You walked in slowly, as if treading on eggshells. 

“Your voice is really lovely,” you spoke softly, standing in front of the chair Wilbur was on. 

It was silent before you heard his actual speaking voice. 

“Darling, what are you doing up? It’s late.”

You took a deep breath upon hearing his voice properly for the first time. “Couldn’t sleep, and I heard music, so I got curious, I guess,” You sat down in front of him, “You’re speaking. I’m sorry if I wasn’t meant to hear you, I just…” you couldn’t really think up more of an explanation, shrugging.

“it’s alright. I was mostly just trying to spare you from hearing Tommy talk your ear off,” he chuckled, and if his singing wasn’t melodic enough, his laugh alone definitely was. 

You chuckled, smiling softly, “Well, I’ll make sure to be prepared for that in the morning.”

He chuckled once more, “Good. He’ll be wanting to say a lot now that he can.” He hummed softly, “do you want me to play for you? Since you can’t sleep?”

“That would be really nice,” you smiled, rubbing at your eyes a bit.

“Alright. Let’s go to your room then? It’s probably far more comfortable than sitting up here.”

“Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want to disturb you too much or anything.”

He nodded, “I only came up here so I wouldn’t wake you. Come on,” you watched as the necklace and guitar lifted, signifying that he’d stood up. You and him walked back to your room quietly, and you laid back down once you got there. You felt the bed dip next you, and you saw the guitar shift into a playing position. He started playing, and you heard him start singing once again. His gentle sounds quickly lulled you into sleep.

And if you woke up feeling a bit colder than usual, and more specifically a cold spot where an arm would have wrapped around your waist, neither of you mentioned it. 

Tommy did talk your ear off that morning, excited to finally be able to talk to you, making comments about how “he’d wanted to talk to you weeks ago” and that “he’d only kept quiet because Wilbur said he had to.” Communication was a lot easier now that they felt comfortable speaking to you. There was a consequence to hearing them now, though. Wilbur’s flirting only got more bold. When you’d get ready for work, he’d always meet you outside your room with a smart comment about how “lucky those coworkers of yours are if they get to see you looking like that all day”. It was interesting, though, the little things you’d noticed about him. He was always more flirty during the daytime, but once it was night, he was more soft. You’d grown used to the chilled feeling that comes from his arms wrapping around you as he whispered about how glad he was that you’d stayed. 

He didn’t really sleep. Neither of them needed it, but you found that Tommy liked to, so you always kept the bed in the spare room neat for him. While Wilbur didn’t like to sleep, he was protective of you. It was a bit odd at first that he wanted to be with you when you’d slept, but you found a great deal of comfort in feeling the chill from him pressed against you while you slept. Especially on some nights like tonight. 

It wasn’t often you got nightmares anymore. They grew less frequent when Wilbur would hold you in your sleep, but he didn’t always do that every night. You didn’t know what he did when he wasn’t here with you, but you weren’t going to ask. He deserved his privacy, after all. Despite it, you did always miss the feeling of his arms around you. He wasn’t with you when you’d gone to bed. 

You woke up screaming. Within seconds, you were pressed against your headboard, head pressed in your hands while you sobbed and gasped for breath, thumb placed on your pulse point. Tommy actually arrived first, your door flinging open and his necklace swinging wildly. 

Before he had time to react, Wilbur was rushing in quickly behind him, going straight for you. You felt his arms wrap around you tightly, and the cold did a great deal to shock you out of the panic, leaving you just sobbing. You wrapped your arms around him, though it took you a second to process how he was positioned. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” he whispered softly, “you’re right here, you’re with us, it’s okay.” 

You leaned into his reassurance. Eventually, you felt more movement on the bed, and Tommy’s hand rested on your back gently as both boys helped you calm down. Your hands gripped onto the feeling of soft fabric that you couldn’t see. 

Wilbur continued to whisper reassurances and reminders that you were okay and that he wouldn’t let anything hurt you. When you stopped crying, Wilbur slowly helped you lay back down, never letting go of you for a second. He didn’t want you to think you were alone, even for a second. 

You were exhausted when he laid you down, still wrapped in his arms. Your eyes opened, and for a moment, you could’ve sworn you saw the slightest bit of a faded blue sweater through bleary, tear-stained eyes. You didn’t think about it too long, and instead you went to bed in Wilbur’s arms with Tommy next to you, falling asleep quickly from the exhaustion. 

(When you woke up, you basically had to wrestle to get out of bed between Wilbur holding you close and Tommy’s limbs strewn out over the two of you. But with a bit of wrangling, you chose to stay in bed and wouldn’t have changed it for the world.)

While your routine was good, there were still some rougher days. Work could go so well before things went wrong. Like today, when you’d fucked up an assignment and proceeded to get yelled at by your boss for about thirty minutes before hiding to cry in the bathroom. You calmed yourself down enough to at least look like you hadn’t cried, using some cold water to calm the redness down your face. You walked home slowly, opening the door, and you were quickly met with Wilbur’s voice chiming out from the living room.

“Welcome home, darling! How was work?”

You dropped your bag at the door, shrugging, “Eh. It was honestly quite shit. For now, I just want to relax a bit.”

He chuckled, “Well, I’ve got some ideas to help you relax.”

Instead of getting flustered, or having any major reaction, you just smiled flatly, sighing a bit. You could feel his concern, sighing again, “I’ll be fine, Wilbur. Just a bad day.”

You walked to your room, grabbing a notebook and a pencil case in the hopes that some drawing would calm you down. You walked back out to the living room, sitting on the couch next to Tommy, who was playing with your Rubix cube again. Wilbur walked over and stood in front of you, and you could feel his eyes on you as you set down your pencil case.

One of the more endearing habits that Tommy had was how he only liked his things near him. He always wanted his space to be the exact way he put things, and he would complain, loudly, if you moved things whatsoever. The most often way he complained? He would just smack things. Just completely push them out of his space and across the room.

And he did that now. You watched as you went to grab a pencil, and before you could, he smacked the pencil case across the room so hard it slammed against the wall before hitting the floor. 

“Tommy!” Wilbur chastised, but before he could actually get on his case, you burst out laughing.

Full, genuine laughing, your eyes closing . Your life was so bizarre already, what with the whole living with ghosts thing. And after an absolutely shitty day, one of them just smacked your entire pencil case against the wall just because it was slightly too close to him. It was bizarre and weird and absurd, but it was your life. 

You laughed until your ribs were tired. When your eyes opened again, still crinkled at the sides, you were met with a sight, to say the least.

You saw Wilbur. You saw him. He was looking back at you, face flushed and staring at you in awe. Holy shit.

“...Wilbur?”

He looked startled by the fact you made eye contact with him, and he struggled to find words. But god, he was gorgeous. Thick curly brown hair with beautiful brown eyes to match. He was tall, too, and he wore a faded blue sweater and plain black pants. 

He didn’t have a chance to respond before Tommy did, and you watched as, within seconds, he went from being completely invisible to… Tommy. He had blond hair and blue eyes, and he was wearing a white t-shirt with red sleeves, and a pair of cargo shorts. 

“Thank god, we don’t have to be invisible anymore. I was getting so tired of it, but of course Wilbur said we had to, didn’t want to risk scaring you off, as if you would be!” He barked out a laugh, and you chuckled as well, blinking a bit.

“I’m sorry, what? You- I can see you? And you can control that sort of stuff?”

Tommy snorted, “Of course you can see us. That’s kinda how ghosts work, innit?”

You gave them a closer look, noting that, although you could see them, they were still slightly translucent. “How the hell should I know how ghosts work? I’m not the ghost here!” 

You laughed, and Wilbur seemed to finally gain some sense of vocal ability, “We can control it, but our natural state is like this. Well, kind of. There’s a more… accurate form, but we don’t really show that to anyone. We’ve found that it usually scares people out, so we tend to wait.”

You nodded, “What is the more accurate form?”

Wilbur leaned forward, ruffling your hair, “Don’t worry about it.”

You pouted a bit but nodded regardless, “Okay. Well, as weird as it is, it’s also… really cool. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to see you guys.” You took Wilbur’s hand, inspecting it carefully. Other than the slight translucent nature of them, they just looked normal. A bit paler than they probably would have been alive, but still just completely normal. 

You let go of his hand, looking up at him, “Sorry, it’s just interesting.” Wilbur chuckled, and it was so different to actually see him laugh rather than just hearing it, “It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize, darling.”

You flushed lightly, and Wilbur took immediate notice, leaning in close to your face. 

“Are you going shy on me, darling?” His hand gently cupped your chin, “Do you just find me that attractive?” Your cheeks flamed up, and as you stuttered out a response, Tommy groaned, smacking Wilbur’s shoulder.

“Take your flirting shit out of here, dickhead.”

Wilbur scoffed, sitting next to you instead, “Hey, I put up with your shit attempts at flirting with Molly for months, I’m allowed to have my fun.”

“I am not shit at flirting! And even if I was, you’re the one who taught me, so that would mean you’re also shit!” Tommy exclaimed, putting the Rubix cube down. 

“You never listened to my instructions!”

“Because they were stupid”

You rolled your eyes as they continued to bicker, standing and walking towards your room. You waved a hand nonchalantly, “I’m going to take a bath. You guys just keep… doing whatever is it you do.” “Want my help in there, darling?” You flushed, flipping him off behind your back, “Unless you’re bringing me wine and leaving right after, I do not need your help.” 

You walked into the bathroom and got a warm bubble bath ready quickly, getting into the water and relaxing as the heat soothed your sore muscles. You played music from your phone softly, closing your eyes and letting the water alleviate your troubles from the day.

After a few minutes, there was a knock on the door. You fixed the curtain to maintain your modesty, before humming out a soft, “Come in.”

Wilbur opened the door with a smug grin, a glass of wine in his hand. 

You laughed, “Jesus, I didn’t even think we had wine in the house.” “We do, it was just too high for you to reach.” He chuckled, walking over to hand you the glass. 

“Oh? And who put it up there then?” You took the glass, taking a sip.

“Hm, I wonder.” He chuckled, crouching down to be eye-level with you, “You feeling any better?”

You nodded softly, smiling, “Yeah. Just had a rough day, I guess.”

He sat down, nodding, “I figured. It took you longer to get home than usual, and you just seemed a bit down. I’m glad Tommy was able to make you laugh, even if the whole reveal thing wasn’t planned.”

You hummed, “It definitely was a shock. I do like being able to see you, even if I’m still just processing it. It’s easier to tell where you are.”

“Oh, I bet,” he laughed, “But sneaking up on you is half the fun.”

“For you,” you rolled your eyes, “I quite like being able to see my housemates. I’m almost offended, actually, that you hid such a pretty face from me for so long.”

It was an incredibly satisfying feeling to actually watch him get flustered, his cheeks turning pink while he looked away. 

He composed himself, clearing his throat, “Didn’t want to scare such a pretty person away is all. Especially such a kind one.”

You flushed, taking another sip of wine. “Well, I can definitely say I’m not scared.”

He smiled (a beautiful sight to see), reaching a hand up to gently play with your hair, “Good. For a moment there I thought you’d just bolt when you saw me.”

“Honestly,” you chuckled, leaning into his touch, “You guys having a form I can see is the least weird thing I’ve dealt with since I’ve moved in.”

He laughed, “Yeah, I guess that’s true. We’ve just… grown to be a bit wary of showing ourselves to people. Molly was the most recent one, actually, and that was because she snuck in without us noticing. The first time someone moved in, we didn’t think to hide ourselves, and that’s what led to all the rumors and everything.”

You nodded, “Shitty exploitative people or people running for the hills?”

“We’ve had both,” he sighed.

“How do you guys know about all the rumors and stuff though? Did Molly tell you?”

He shook his head, “We can’t leave the house most days, but there are a few exceptions. We can leave on Halloween, and the anniversary of our deaths. Or if we possess someone.”

“Wha- okay, you can not just say that like it’s a casual thing. You can possess people?”

He chuckled, looking coy, “Yeah. We don’t do it often, only if we really need to or if we’re given permission.”

You nodded, “That’s respectful, I guess. When would you need to?”

He shrugged, “We’ve done it to protect people. There was a kid living in here with the last family, and he nearly drowned, so I had to possess his father to save him. The only problem is that, usually when we do it, people move out right after. But if we can stop another person from dying here, we’ll jump at the opportunity.”

“That makes sense,” you hummed softly, “Must feel weird to get possessed.”

He hummed, “I’ve heard it is. Tommy’s possessed Molly before so they could go on like pseudo-dates. She said you’re still aware of everything, you just can’t move your body yourself. She and Tommy were able to talk in her head, though so it’s not as scary as you’d think, as long as you know it’s happening. There are some side effects for a short while afterwards though.”

“Like?”

“She said that she felt freezing cold for a while after. She had a few bruises as well, but that could’ve easily just been from Tommy remembering how to manuver an actual body. That’s another thing, if you do it for too long, you kind of forget how to move your own body, so she had to sit to keep herself from falling.”

You nodded, humming, “that’s not too bad.”

“Well, yeah. That’s with permission, though. Most of the people we’ve possessed without permission haven’t exactly stuck around long enough for us to ask how they feel afterwards.”

You leaned your head on the edge of the tub, going silent as you thought. “We could do that one day, if you want.”

“What?” He stopped his hand, eyebrows pinching together. 

“Yeah, like Molly and Tommy do. That way you can go outside a bit more and do stuff that you can’t do anymore.” 

He grinned softly, “Is this your way of asking me on a date?”

You groaned, and he immediately laughed at your reaction. “I’m trying to be nice, dumbass.”

“I know, I know. But man it is so much more fun to flirt with you when you can actually see me. You get flustered so much easier.” “Maybe I’m not used to seeing cute boys flirt with me.”

He frowned slightly, and it quickly dissolved into a grin, “Well, you’ll get used to it soon enough because I definitely don’t plan on stopping. Unless it makes you uncomfortable.”

You smiled gently, “It doesn’t. I would’ve asked you to stop a long time ago if it actually made me uncomfortable.”

“Good. Because I am going to be so much worse about it now that I can flirt physically with you.”

“Oh, god.”

“I’ll make it good for you. Don’t stress.”

You chuckled, taking another sip, “I’m not stressed, more concerned about how I’ll ever be able to deal with a cute guy flirting with me all the time.”

“Well, I’ll take good care of you, obviously.”

You smiled, biting your lip softly, “Thanks, Wilbur.” 

He smiled, running his hand through your hair once more. “Of course, darling. What do you want for dinner? I can start making it while you finish up here.”

You sighed softly, “I have no clue honestly.”

“So surprise you?”

You grinned softly, “Yeah. Just please don’t burn down the house. I like living here with you guys.”

“Alright, so don’t let Tommy into the kitchen, got it.”

You laughed, and he gave you that look again, the same one he was giving you when you saw his face for the first time. 

“I guess so.” You hummed softly. 

“Alright, well, I’ll go get started,” He stood, and he leaned over, pressing a kiss to your forehead gently before walking out. 

It took your brain a moment to catch up before you felt yourself blushing deeply once more. It was a new but definitely welcome sensation, the feeling of his lips on your forehead left a gentle chill. You bit down a smile, but even if you really tried, you wouldn’t have been able to hide the gentle grin. You took a final sip of your wine, setting the glass down and letting yourself sink into the water.

You got out of the bath and got dressed, taking your glass and walking out into the living room. You weren’t quite used to just being able to see them, almost feeling startled as you saw Tommy sitting on the couch playing on your old DS, and seeing Wilbur standing in the kitchen. 

You shook it off, walking to the kitchen and looking for the wine.

Wilbur looked over at you, smiling softly, “Feeling better?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, “How’s dinner coming along?”

“Good,” he smiled, walking over and wrapping his lanky arms around you while you poured yourself some more wine. You leaned into his grasp, smiling softly. 

“Yeah? House hasn’t burnt down, so that says something at least.”

He chuckled, wrapping you up tighter in his arms, “I still remember mostly what I’m doing. I used to cook for Tommy when our parents were working.”

“You haven’t spoken much about your parents.” You noted quietly. 

He sighed, leaning his head on you, “No. I haven’t. I try not to think about them too much.”

You nodded softly and didn’t ask further. Instead, you relaxed in his arms and drank your wine. He swayed a bit, and you chuckled, closing your eyes. 

“It’s still weird being able to see you.”

“Yeah? Like what you see.”

You chuckled, flushing, “Maybe. Is there a problem if I do?”

“The opposite, actually, darling. I think it’s absolutely lovely. But not as lovely as you.”

“Wilbur?”

“Yes, my darling?”

“Something is very much burning on the stove.”

He quickly pulled away, rushing to the pot on the stove and taking it off the heat. 

“Oops,” he grinned at you sheepishly, “Sorry, love. You’re just so distracting.”

You flushed and rolled your eyes, “Maybe I shouldn’t have trusted you in the kitchen either.”

He scoffed, “I’ll have you know I’m a great cook. This was simply a method of cooking, I’m enfusing the food with smoky flavor.”

You laughed, rolling your eyes a bit, “You’re such a dork.”

When you looked back at him, he was giving you the biggest grin. He turned, grinning down at the counter as he worked on plating the food for you. He handed you the plate, gently kissing your head.

“I kept the burnt parts out of it.”

You blushed, smiling, “Thank you, Wilbur.”

“Of course, darling.” 

You started eating, and he watched you as you did, waiting for your reaction.

“Holy shit, Wilbur, this is fantastic.”

He threw his arms up, cheering, “Yes! Oh, I’m so glad you like it. It’s been a long time since I cooked.”

“It’s amazing, seriously, thank you.”

He smiled, wrapping his arms around you again, “It’s actually our mom’s recipe. She was the best cook, taught me everything I know.”

“Well, she taught you well.” You ate more, and Wilbur was absolutely beaming behind you.

The rest of the night was quite calm, just sitting with Tommy and Wilbur, watching videos and stuff. You got tired quite quickly, so the three of you retired to bed, Wilbur following you. You both got comfortable quickly, your head resting on his chest. His hand gently trailed up and down your back, and the sensation used to make you shiver, but now it just felt comforting. In the silence, you began thinking. 

“Wilbur?” You spoke softly.

“Hm?”

“You’re very touchy,” you stated plainly.

He chuckled, “That’s true.”

“Why?”

He was quiet for a moment before speaking up, “I like the feeling. Reminds me of being alive, I guess.”

“How so?” You asked quietly.

“Well,” he took one hand, gently placing it on your cheek, “it warms me slightly, same way it cools you. So it becomes grounding, after a while. Especially when I start to comprehend the reality of the fact that I am a ghost, I can’t leave, and I don’t know if I’ll be like this forever or if one day I’ll just suddenly stop existing. It’s scary sometimes to think about the fact that, at one point, I was living, and I got killed, and now I am undead, and I don’t know why. I don’t know if one day, just by saying something, I’ll fade. You weren’t wrong when you said ghosts are probably scared of their own situation because we are. There’s no rulebook to being a ghost, and I remember, the first few years, I was just so aware of my own… mortality, if you can even call it that. And it was terrifying. Tommy and I mostly stayed in the attic at all times because we didn’t know if we’d fully move on just by walking out the door. So, when I touch you, it helps pull me out of that fear. Because I remember that being alive was just as terrifying because there is no rulebook to living either. And it’s grounding. If I could do it once before, I can do it again. You remind me of being alive. Because you’re the first person to look at me, even when you couldn’t see me, and have empathy before anything else. So touching you and being around you, it makes me feel something other than the usual dread and sadness, and I will cling to that as much as I can while I still have time with you.”

You leaned into his touch, shifting a bit to wrap an arm around him. You didn’t really have a response. It was the most vulnerable he’d ever been. 

You cuddled your head further into his chest, nodding softly, “If you ever need it, you know, i’m here for you. I don’t know much about ghosts or living, and I’d never given the things much thought before moving in here. But anything that can help you, I’m willing to help you with. Even if it means having you attached at my hip all day. You know better than anyone just how fragile life is. I could die tomorrow. So, we need to make the most out of what we have, I guess.”

He smiled, kissing the top of your head gently, “That’s all we can do. It’s what made life worth living, and it’s what makes being stuck like this worth it too. Just appreciating every moment, even if all we have is your living and my ghostly-ness.” He chuckled softly, and you did too.

You gently moved his hand from your cheek, solely so you could hold it. “Goodnight, Wilbur.”

“Goodnight, my love.”

You and Wilbur got closer seamlessly. You don’t know what made it so easy to talk with him or just be around him. Overtime, his flirting got bolder, but so did yours. You’d be lying to yourself if you were to say that you weren’t attracted to him. You absolutely were. You were just conflicted.

You didn’t know how human-ghost relationships worked. You knew they happened, obviously, Molly and Tommy were clear proof of it. But you didn’t really know how they worked. One person was dead, firstly, but there was also the concept that their spirit had a high chance of outliving you. You would grow older, but Wilbur would always be twenty-six. Unless you died, of course, but that would be a pretty major commitment to make, and it honestly made your head hurt to think about. Plus, that’s if Wilbur even would be okay with that which, based on the way he spoke about being dead, he wouldn’t be. The morals and mortality honestly gave you a headache. So you talked to the only other person who would possibly understand.

When Molly walked in that morning, you were quick to stop her from walking up to where Tommy would be.

“Molly! Can I talk to you for a moment?” “Uh, yeah, sure.”

You carefully pulled her into the backyard, sitting down on the concrete porch.

“I… have a few questions.” You spoke softly in case of any peeping ears.

“Oh?” She sat down next to you, “What about?”

You sighed, “You and Tommy’s relationship. How does it work?”

She chuckled, “What do you mean?”

“I just… I’ve been thinking a lot about like how a ghost-human relationship could work, and I just feel overwhelmed. I like Wilbur,” you admitted softly, blush rising to your cheeks, “But I keep thinking about how a relationship between me and him would work since it’s… unconventional.”

“Well, I’ve found your problem already,” she gave you a kind smile, “You think too much. With Tommy, we don’t think about it. We’re both aware of how weird it is, and how it probably won’t last forever, but we don’t mind. I mean, he and I have been dating for months, and I’ve never been able to tell anyone for obvious reasons. We just honestly don’t think about it. And maybe that’s not healthy, but it’s what’s right and what works for us right now. So that’s all that matters.”

You nodded, resting your head on your knee, “It doesn’t bother you? That you don’t know?”

“Honestly? No,” she shrugged, “It’s something about living in the moment, you know. Sometimes I think about it, but I know that there’s really nothing Tom and I can do anything about it. So, I just don’t think about it since I can’t find a solution.”

You nodded again, “Thanks, Molly.” She patted your shoulder, “Listen, if you want my advice, I say do it. Wilbur is absolutely head over heels for you. And even if he is blind to it, I can tell you are the same way about him. So, don’t think about it much, just do it. If it makes you both happy, then it’s worth it.”

You flushed, nodding, “I just have to figure out how. Thank you, Molly.”

“I have work off today, so I was probably going to let Tommy possess me so we can go for a walk, if you want some privacy,” she winked, standing and heading inside.

You sat there with nothing but the deep blush on your cheeks and the things she had told you. 

You were thankful for the later privacy, though, solely because you didn’t want Tommy there when you confessed. It was nerve-wracking enough without Tommy there to potentially make fun of you. 

After dinner, you and WIlbur were sitting on the couch like normal, but you couldn’t focus, too in your head about how to word everything perfectly and oh god, what if he says no. 

“Darling, are you okay?” Wilbur asked, pulling you out of your thoughts.

You nodded, biting your lip. You turned, facing him now, and gently taking his hand, “I want to… talk about something.”

“Oh?” he turned, holding your hand tightly, “What’s up?”

Fuck, you really should’ve practiced this before hand. “It’s just…” here goes nothing, “I like you, Wilbur. I’ve known for a bit now, I just didn’t really know what to say or if it would be good to even bring it up until I talked to Molly today, but, yeah. I like you. And, if you’ll take me, I’d- I’d like to be your partner.”

For the first time in your little speech, you looked up to him. And he, god, he looked ecstatic. He had a soft smile on his face, but you could see in his eyes just how overjoyed he was. 

“Darling, nothing would make me happier. I’d be a fool to not take you,” he squeezed your hand gently, “Can I kiss you?”

You nodded, and he brought a hand up, slowly guiding your lips together. The kiss was enchanting, and the sensation – a mix of cool and tingling – it reminded you of peppermint chapstick. You held onto his shoulder gently, kissing him back and putting just as much love into it as it gave you. 

You both pulled away quickly, solely due to the sound of the door opening. Both of your heads whipped towards the sound, watching as Molly-Tommy walked in, and after a moment, you watched Tommy’s spirit separate, and he carefully held onto Molly, so she wouldn’t fall. Once he looked over, both of you red-faced and looking like you were clearly caught, he raised his free arm up, cheering, “Holy shit! Wilbur finally got bitches!”

Your relationship with Wilbur was surprisingly easy. Not much actually changed between the two of you, aside from kissing and making out more. He slept in your bed more often, though he still had those nights when he would disappear to the attic. He also tended to be more generally affectionate rather than flirty, now that he knew it was okay to kiss you when he felt like it.

There was something not-house related that popped up recently though. You didn’t notice it for the first few days, but by the fourth day it was glaringly obvious. Every day that you would leave your house for work, you noticed a man, around mid-fourties, sitting on a bench across the street. He would follow your path to work, but he would never interact. It made you feel uneasy, though. You told a few of your coworkers, and they all agreed that it was weird, but you refrained from telling Wilbur and Tommy. You didn’t want any problems, you just mostly wanted to figure out why this guy kept watching you.

Thankfully, it didn’t take too long to find out. On the second week of this occurring, he actually came up to you, holding a single flower out towards you.

When he spoke, it sounded as though he hadn’t spoken properly in about two years, and it sent a shiver down your spine, but none of his words were mean or harmful. 

“Hello. I’m sorry to bother you,” he handed you the flower, a red chrysanthemum, before continuing, “it’s just, well, I used to be friends with the boys who lived in that house. Not a lot of people move in there, so when I heard you did, I got a bit curious.”

You accepted the flower, somewhat shocked by the plainness of his statement, “Oh. I understand the curiosity, the house has quite a reputation. It’s a lovely place, though.”

He nodded, “I loved being in there. I’ve heard the reputation it has as well, but I wanted to ask, as the current owner, do you believe in any of it? I’m not quite sure I believe in these ghost stories.”

You chuckled softly. You had gotten used to lying about your ghostly boyfriend and roommates, “No, I don’t believe in any of it. However, if it keeps my payments low, I don’t mind.”

That brought a laugh out of him, and it eased your nerves a bit. “I get that. Sorry if I weirded you out at all, It’s just- not exactly easy to come up to people and ask if they believe in ghosts.”

“People do it all the time now, actually,” you hummed. It wasn’t uncommon, these days, for anyone who knew you lived there to ask those types of questions. “But you said you were friends with the boys?”

He nodded, “Yes. We were good friends for a long time. It was tragic what happened to them, but I am glad to hear that you haven’t had any problems. I always worried that their souls may not have been able to move on.”

You gave a soft smile, “Yeah, I worried the same when I moved in. I imagine it’d be quite scary to exist like that. But, no issues, really.”

“That’s good, then. The boys were so kind, too. William and Thomas, their names were.”

“Oh, really?” You asked, as if you didn’t know.

For the next week, every day, that man would walk with you to work, telling stories about the boys, and every day, he would bring you a red chrysanthemum. It was nice to hear about the boys when they were alive, even if it was a bit chilling to think about how they lived before knowing what would become of them.

One day, the man brought a whole bouquet of the red chrysanthemums, and you accepted them with a soft smile. As he told stories, he spoke in a bit of a far-away tone.

“I’ve always wanted to go back in, actually. To see where we all used to goof off. I think it would be a nice way to get closure, after all that’s happened. The guy who killed them, he was smart, really smart, but he never got caught, so their story never got closure. I never got closure. I’m not sure, I’ve just always thought that, just walking around and seeing their rooms, it would help.”

That brought a thought to your brain. This guy used to be their friend, and Wilbur said that they always wondered what happened to all the people who they never saw anymore. It would be a really nice surprise for them!

“Well, if you’d like, once I get off of work, I can let you in, let you walk around a bit?”

He grinned, “Really? Oh, that would be lovely. You get home around six usually, yes?”

You nodded softly, “Yeah.”

“Perfect! Oh, thank you so much, it would truly be the best thing to be able to see in there again. You don’t know how much you’ve truly done for me.”

When you got home, he was waiting at your front porch. You smiled softly at him, waving as you went to unlock the door. You opened the door slowly, to give the boys time to go invisible when they realized there was someone in the house.

“You can just take a seat on the couch, alright? I’m going to put my stuff away and then I’ll walk the place with you.”

He nodded, taking a seat and looking around. You walked to your room to put your bag away, but the moment you closed the door, you were met with the two ghosts, startling you backwards.

“Jesus, you guys scared me,” you whispered.

“What the fuck is going on right now?” Tommy whispered harshly.

Wilbur just looked angry, the silent type of angry that honestly put fear in you as well.

“What are you talking about? Him?”

“Of fucking course, we’re talking about him! Why is he here?” It was weird to hear Tommy sounding so quiet and panicked.

“He said he used to be your friend. I wanted to surprise you guys,” you smiled a bit, not yet understanding why they both looked so upset and fearful and angry.

“That dickhead was not our friend.” “What? Tommy, what are you on about?”

“Love, that’s the man who murdered us.” Wilbur spoke for the first time, anger clear in his voice.

You felt a chill go down your spine, straightening, “What?”

“The bastard pretended to be our friend, talking to us, bringing us shit like gifts and flowers,” you felt your entire body go cold as Tommy continued, “All so he could fucking murder us.”

“He’s been giving me flowers every day.” You noted simply, and the two of them both lost all the fear in their expressions, now just looking purely angry and protective. They shared a look before looking back at you. Wilbur placed a hand on your shoulder, gently despite the ferocity in his expression.

“Go back out there before he gets suspicious, but if he wants to go to the attic, do not walk in first, let him go first. You hear me?”

You nodded quickly, and Wilbur pulled you forward, kissing you passionately, “I won’t let him fucking touch you,” he growled out softly.

You kissed him back, slowly pulling out from Wilbur’s grasp and heading back out into the living room, a bit more stiff than before.

“You ready to look around?” You asked, trying to sound as normal as possible. He nodded, standing up. You and him walked upstairs to the boys’s rooms, and the entire time you could feel Wilbur and Tommy’s presence behind you.

You went to both of the boy’s old rooms, and he seemed completely normal, talking about all the times he’d seen the boys in here. After Wilbur’s room, he spoke up properly.

“Can we see the attic? The boys and I used to hang out there at night.”

You gulped softly and nodded, “Do you remember where it is?”

He smiled and nodded, “of course! I remember sneaking up there with them all the time.”

“Alright, lead the way then.” You gestured for him to lead the way, but he shook his head.

“Oh, no, I couldn’t, it’s your house after all.”

“No, really, I insist.”

He tilted his head, smiling, and this time it brought you waves of unease, “Is there something wrong?”

Fuck. There were two ways this could go. You could say yes, and he could just kill you right here. Or you could say no and deal with Wilbur’s anger later. 

You’d rather deal with Wilbur’s anger later.

“...No. Nothing’s wrong, um, follow me, I guess.” You started walking upstairs to the attic, and you practically hear Wilbur’s curses in your ear. 

You opened the door and walked in, and the man walked in behind you. Before either of you had a chance to react, the door slammed shut and locked, and you were pulled into the chair on the otherside of the room.

You watched Wilbur reappear, standing over you protectively. Tommy reappeared after, standing by the door. The man looked around wildly at the two of the them, stuttering.

“You- you said they weren’t real!” He looked at you angrily, and he started advancing towards you. 

Wilbur grabbed your hands, placing them on top of your eyes. “Do not open your eyes.” He ordered, and all you could do was hear for a few minutes as the sound of strange whispers filled the room. There was light coming from the center of the room that you could vaguely make out from behind your hands, and soon, there was the sound of the man screaming. The room felt heavy, as if every negative emotion you’d ever known was flowing into your body all at once.

You knew you shouldn’t, but you couldn’t help your curiosity as you peered between two fingers.

Tommy and Wilbur stood over the man as he sank into what appeared to be a portal into the floor. That wasn’t what really caught your attention, though. 

What caught your attention was Tommy and Wilbur’s appearances. This must’ve been the true form they mentioned, you realized. They looked nearly decrepit, Tommy’s stomach covered in blood, and his neck showing a long open wound. Wilbur wasn’t much better, a clear stab wound going straight through his chest. If you looked hard enough, you could see through it. His face had a long scratch going down the side, hitting through his eye. There was another stab wound on him, a clear chunk taken out of his arm. Both of their eyes were glowing, Wilbur’s a haunting cold blue, and Tommy’s a deep red. 

You gasped softly and quickly covered your eyes in full again.  No wonder they didn’t want you to see it. It was entirely haunting to see.

A few minutes later, Wilbur walked over and pulled your hands off of your eyes. The light, the portal, and the man were all gone. You had started crying at some point after seeing them like that, and Wilbur quickly pulled you into his arms. 

“It’s okay, he’s gone.” He whispered, kissing the top of your head and rubbing your back soothingly. You sobbed against him, gently moving a hand to the center of his chest to make sure the wound wasn’t there anymore even if you’d already seen him looking normal.

He seemed to realize what you were doing pretty quickly, but he never let go of you or seemed upset in the slightest, “You saw, didn’t you?”

You nodded, another wave of sobs wracking your body.

He sighed softly, just holding you closer, “I’m sorry, darling. I never wanted you to see that. I’m so so sorry,” he whispered.

You didn’t respond, just sobbing against him and clinging onto him desperately. 

He helped you calm down, and after you got past the tears from processing their true forms, you had to come to terms with the stark reality that you would have absolutely been killed, the same way the boys had, if they weren’t there for you.

The house was mostly quiet the rest of the night, though Wilbur and Tommy were both clearly filled with a sense of relief. 

You asked Wilbur about it later as you rested on his chest in bed. “Are you and Tommy happy he’s gone?”

He hummed, looking down at you, “He’s not gone, per se. Just in his own personal hell. It felt good, but, if you’re wondering why we’re both relieved, that’s not why.”

He got better at reading you as you two grew closer, and this was clear evidence of it, “Then why?”

“We didn’t know if that would be it for us,” he sighed softly, “There’s always been this idea that ghosts stick around due to unfinished business. We don’t know if that’s true or not, but we always assumed, if it was, it was because he was still here. So, there was a chance that when we got rid of him, we both would’ve just ceased to exist, or moved on to the afterlife, whatever. We’re relieved that didn’t happen. Neither of us could stand leaving you and Molly like that, with no clue what happened to us.”

You nodded softly, “But, wouldn’t it have been nice? To move on?” 

“No,” he almost laughed, “Not without you.”

You held onto him tighter, nodding softly. “He would’ve killed me, if you two weren’t here.” You whispered.

He nodded, but he didn’t speak. 

“If we let him, maybe I would’ve been here with you guys forever, like you are now.”

He looked at you, horrified, “Darling, don’t start with that. There’s absolutely no way we could’ve been certain of that, and I don’t want this for you. I want you to live a full life, and I don’t even want to know what would’ve happened if he killed you and your spirit didn’t stay. It would’ve been devastating for both of us, Tommy too. So, please, don’t start with that. I’m glad you are alive.”

You nodded softly, and his arms tightened around you, “I owe you both my life regardless.” He chuckled lightly, leaning down and kissing you gently, “Darling, the only thing you owe us is your happiness. All I want is for you to be happy. Nothing else matters to me anymore.”

You smiled, kissing him back lovingly. 

“I love you, Wilbur.”

He smiled, eyes glowing the same blue, but lighter this time, as you exchanged your first ‘I love you’s. “I love you too, darling.”

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #18 – Montress Volume 3: Haven by Marjorie Liu and Sana Takeda

I have been reading one volume of this comic a month, in part as a way to force myself to take it a bit slowly and appreciate the issues and volumes as distinct arcs and works in their own right instead of archive binging, and in part because a volume of comic books being more than ~20% of my reading goal for the year feels like cheating. This has accomplished both of those goals splendidly, but it is making it increasingly hard to come up with different ways of talking about the basic premise of the story. So I’m just not going to.

The plot picks up fairly directly where the last plot dropped off – with Maika having escaped the last maratime city-state she’d found refuge in (now wanted fugitive) and settling into the next one. To secure safety for herself and her little crew of misfits (eldritch god-monster her mom bore and raised her to be a host for, adorable fox-child she treats like shit, terrible cat who betrays everyone, improbably hot noble magic assassin whose technically supposed to be murdering her), she’s conscripted by the royal engineer to assist in repairing the ancient magical shield which protected the city during the last war – which, due to her heritage and the aforementioned eldritch god, she might be the only one capable of safely accessing. That (literally) blows up in everyone’s face just about immediately, and the remainder of the arc is spent scrambling to deal.

Dramatically the volume works very well as a self-contained narrative, though a decade of marvel movies have left me kind of incapable of taking a big climax involving an apocalyptic glowing hole in the sky that seriously. Beyond that though, this is definitely a Lore volume, digging deep into the history of the Shaman Empress, her relationship with Zinn, and what the other Montrum are or want. It also, if my memory is right, marks the point where Zinn finishes transitioning from this terrible quasi-unknowable parasite ruining Maika’s life and turning her into a walking atrocity to just, like, Some Guy. They’re a little shit with an improbably amount of flattering amnesia and also murder a bunch of people but like, they’re a character now. They banter with Maika constantly, and also keep fucking up and being wrong about things. Deeply endearing tbh.

This also marks the point where The Doctor and Maika’s paternal family more broadly starts being a lot more plot-relavent which, going to be honest, I’m kind of dreading. Can’t remember any real details but my memories of the whole upcoming arc basically boil down to ‘at least Maika got that badass clockwork prosthetic out of it’.

Kippa and Ren are basically irrelevant to the actual plot this time, which is totally fine because I love them both dearly and would have happily read an entire issue of them going shopping and having a nice day in the market. Kippa, besides being adorable, does actually get some pretty meaty scenes providing the view from the gutter here though – Maika gets scooped up by a scheming vizier engineer as soon as she walks into town, and also hates people, but Kippa is absolutely the sort of person to go wandering through a sprawling refugee camp doing whatever she can to help. Which is both good worldbuilding and characterization and provides some desperately needed grounding to keep the whole story from vanishing entirely into mythic freudian psychodrama.

Speaking of preferring the social and political storytelling – I’m not sure they ever actually matter, but I do love the two bit characters who occasionally get scenes of their desperate heroic spycraft and diplomacy as they try everything they can to prevent another war breaking out. Their little bit in this volume also does a great job illuminating what a broken mess the politics of the Federation is – given the incredibly vague 1930s-East-Asia analogy underlying the story’s geopolitics, I like that the genocidal power about to plunge the world into war is riven with internal contradictions and five minutes away from a coup with the army and navy barely able to stand in the same room without gunfights breaking out).

Anyway yeah, it’s still Monstress. Still good! I probably sound like a broken record saying it at this point, but the character design remains just sublime, even for very thoroughly secondary characters. Speaking of, my favourite one has now shown up!

[cuddly-asexual]

Shadowpeach Mood Playlist

I love music and listen to a lot of it. I also love Lego Monkie Kid and have too many thoughts about it which led me to making some character mood playlists. I felt pretty good about them and thought it would be fun to share them with y’all :)

This is my “Shadowpeach” Playlist, but it’s really a mixture of Wukong songs, Macaque songs and shadowpeach songs. Thoughts below the cut. My method of choosing songs for mood playlists is kinda eclectic, but I hope you enjoy it! I’ll keep this updated too when I add new stuff.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7ec2fguqHzuOLC3fKnFfQ2?si=d87c1f58ec97429d

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJm3vtrpKnf4cw92i0kygdZkubx5DuTqY

Wukong

King Bitch - Well, Wukong is a king and I think he can also be kind of a bitch especially when he’s at peak hubris.

ごめんね… - Just the vibes on this one tbh. The track is titled “I’m sorry…” and I vividly picture the immediate aftermath of when Wukong took Macaque’s eye (and/or killed him depending on how y’all read that scene). Also the Kamen Rider Blade soundtrack goes so unbelievably hard I had to share it.

Lost in the Clouds - The Monkey King with his head lost in the clouds…

.

Close to the Heavens - …And his shadow watches from below.

Macaque

Gonna preface these next few with how funny I think it is that most of my emo nu metal/alt rock shit fits Macaque really well.

A Place for My Head - Literally THIS:

“I watch how the moon sits in the sky in the dark night

Shining with the light from the sun

And sun doesn't give light to the moon assuming

The moon's gonna owe it one”

But for real this is just macaque after they have their last (?) big fight while Wukong is trapped under the mountain, he’s done.

Get Out Alive - Coward Macaque anthem babey. This feels very s3 Macaque to me, but I can see Brotherhood Macaque fitting as well. (“He” as the teasing Peng and “She” as the teasing LBD, despite him not being able to run away in either of those situations)

Gave It All Away - Some of Macaque’s general feelings while Wukong is out there trying to become the strongest. I also think it fits the situation of the Brotherhood going to fight the jade emperor when Macaque just wanted things to return back to what they were (him and Wukong on Flower Fruit Mountain, just the two of them, forever).

Enemy - Macaque to Wukong when he returns from the dead. Bonus: mentions the shadows babey.

Cast No Shadow - Shadow boy Macaque time babey. Bonus moon mention.

uoY mA I - They are alike in almost every way so…

Don’t Forget - A more hopeful Macaque trying to cheer up a trapped Wukong.

黒点 - Hard to pin down my thoughts on this one, but I think the visuals from Houseki no Kuni when the luanrians start to appear from the black spots reminds me of Macaque and his shadows. He is looming.

シンシャ - Macaque reminds me of Cinnabar from Houseki no Kuni with all the moon imagery and the fact that both of them are loners, but have a deep connection to a very “bright” personality. It’s a beautiful track and I thought it fit him as well.

光よ - Real “Macaque swimming in the cold, cold afterlife” vibes.

Tek It -More Macaque being fucking done with Wukong’s shit. Bonus moon mention.

.

Shadowpeach

Man on the Moon - Sappy shadowpeach time babey

Chasing the Torrents - Song slaps and they need an epic battle theme so here it is.

Lonesome Mood - Wukong left this monkey in a Lonesome Mood™

The Day Before - We love a post break-up cry song.

Icarus - Kinda superficial but the line where Macaque says he got too close to the sun replays in my mind and I love this song so here it is

Last Regrets - I think we all know these two have many regrets, especially regarding each other.

ARE WE STILL FRIENDS? - This feels more Wukong to me, feeling apologetic, but I can see Macaque having these thoughts too.

[romanarose]

Y'know what's wild, I just discovered that if you look up a tumblr username in Google, you can see their likes and reblogs even if you opted to keep your likes private and your account hidden from search engines and third party stuff.

My concern has always been a potential employer seeing my fangirl cringe, and I know that there's software that can let them find all of a candidates or employees' accounts via email.

Unfortunately, tumblr doesn't let you make your primary blog private. And this is where my cringe lives.

You don't have to post what your profession is if you respond to this, but I remember you posting it in the past and it seems like a job that would do some deep diving into your socials.

So, have you had any issues with this? Has it ever come up?

Okay so for anyone who didn’t see the last ask, this person reached out and said they did not mean for this to come off vaguely threatening 😂 I’ve had issues in this fandom space before and we all know the doxxing and doxxing threats around me and many others but this asker seems nice!

Anon, my best advice is not to worry. Most employers don’t know what a tumblr is tbh. And most don’t dig that deep to find every little social esp if it doesn’t have your name.

Romana/roman rose is nowhere near my legal name, and the email isn’t even my main email

So, fun fact for the first year or something of my blood it was a joint blog with someone I used to consider a friend. They weren't into fandom but they liked other aspects of tumblr. It was one of those thing I didn't wanna share my blog but she was good at manipulating. She liked the nsfw stuff here and she was highly controlling so I think she liked to be able to watch what I was up to. Some of y'all here have heard me talk about this friend. She ended up sexuality abusing me, and I am suspicious she did the same to others. I had to slowly cut contsct bc she's doxxed people before

She wanted likes and follows private I guess. Recent years I felt safe enough to actually change passwords and stuff bc were fully non contact. I guess I could make my likes and follows public again? But my likes are just fics I either read and Reblogged or havnt read so idk if there's a point.

If you applying for like, something big then yeah you might have concern. My dad was a cop and he got a federal job and they sent someone 700 miles to knock on our neighbors doors and ask about us 😭

As for my job…… I work at Olive Garden.

In the past I’ve done day care and I’ve done social work, both jobs require background checks but no social media although I’m sure they looked me up for social work.

My last day care job I talked plenty about fan fiction with teachers bc I think it’s a fun hobby and pretty much everyone thought it was fun, even if a bit silly

As my high school never even blocked tumblr in the heyday bc they didn’t know it existed. And those who knew it existed now largely think it’s gone.

Keep a professional and family Facebook. If you have a nsfw or edgy twitter maybe make sure you’re name isn’t attached

Honestly my concern wouldn’t be my fandom cringe or porn stories but the more radical political takes I’ve posted 😭

My brother got into law school and is a lawyer now even with posting borderline alt right/ alt light shit back in his day 🧍🏽‍♂️

Average Employers don’t do as much digging as people like to tell you they do, which is why someone can be president of Canada having done brown face

Obviously be safe, don’t use real names in your user names, but tbh it’ll br oksy

I’ve worried about this sometimes while I had my abuser on this bc I saw once she liked a pro-life post and I was worried people would associate me with that.

If anyone has words to offer nonnie on locking down your account, then please offer them! I’m bad at tech. But I think you’ll be okay!

[episbep]

rehab day twenty five

once again typed it all out just for tumblr to fucking digest it into thin air fuuuucksaaake!!

finally got an answer - I’ve been offered funding for an extra week woooo!! pretty chuffed about that tbh, I was hoping it would be a little longer but that’s better than nothing and gives me time to set up support from drug and alcohol services at home and I think I will be ready to leave in ten days time, I hope anyway😄 today was fine, group therapy was good and helpful and they gave me a round of applause when I shared how I finally feel able to move on from my ex and focus on me and my recovery🥰 have been getting closer to two of the new lads and the new crackhead who is lovely - Nicole little humble reminder not to judge people by their drug use/preference cos there’s a whole ass person underneath it. Challenges in early recovery workshop was basic and I dont remember much other than to avoid relationships for the first year or so and to work through big emotions, even good ones cos they can all lead to using again… we went to the crackajack NA meeting from 5-6 and I chatted to a newcomer on the bus back to the house, was really nice to speak to someone new and realise that 25 days clean actually is quite a big achievement! 🥰 my counsellor asked me to think of why I am staying clean whilst in rehab so here goes:

• family paid £7500 for me to be here and a charity has funded an additional £1300 - bit of a waste if I fuck it up and relapse

• random drug tests, don’t wanna get kicked out cos I wouldn’t be able to live with the embarrassment of that

• reminding myself of potential consequences of using again - I have too much to lose

• knowing that I am taking steps towards a better life than the one I have left behind, one that I won’t feel the need to escape from

• everyone in here is in the same position, we’re all working towards recovery and struggling with the same kinda shit so pretty much anyone is good to chat to about it all

• regular group therapy, being able to talk about how I feel/whats going on with me and hearing about others experiences is really motivating and powerful (perhaps I could arrange some counselling or therapy sessions when I go home?)

• daily reminders in workshops/ life stories/ ex-peer shares/ meetings of how bad all of our drug use became and why we came into treatment in the first place (I’ve got back into the bad habit of minimising the damage and telling myself “it wasn’t that bad)(it was that bad and I literally couldn’t get myself to stop using in the end)

• regular assignments that help me to delve deep into the recovery world/ reminds me that I am a real addict and I can never gain control over my drug use, I’ve tried and failed many times before.

• being away from real life.

someone ate half of my cucumber which I’m irrationally angry about. but honestly why would you just take someone’s food without asking first? we have our own shelves fucking stick to your own, thieving cunt.

[primalspice]

Faust (feeds him oatmeal) 2, 8, 11, 19, 23, 25, 27, 33, 38, 44, 56

foust

2: What is your character’s favorite memory?

i think some years ago he might’ve had a much different answer to this question but nowadays he looks fondly (and regretfully) upon back when things were relatively normal in canada. being divorced and directionless definitely beats dying of cancer while trapped in a radioactive military state.

8: Does your character hate anyone? Why?

“hate is a strong word uwu” type of guy but. tbh i’d say be more generally hateful about his situation and the direction the region is going as opposed to hateful towards any particular person. which is maybe shocking considering how much of it he takes out on harvey (hes definitely still resentful for some of the things shes done but i digress) but she’s an easy target tbh LMAOOO they were besties fr he cant be THAT hateful. 

11: How did your character meet their best friend?

he met harvey when she started her first Capital Job, as he was already working there. he definitely had no obligation to meet her bcz they weren’t really in the same department or anything apart from being relatively high up in the Bureacratic Hierarchy but...... he’s nosy and outgoing. it ended up working out because it became very clear to everyone else very soon that harvey has no social skills and everyone should probably just leave her alone LMAOO. hes different tho <3  

19: What is your character’s deepest, darkest secret?

i mean him having and hiding pretty severe cancer is definitely a deep dark secret. as were his true plans for taking the presidency after harvey and the consequences he would let that have on her. but i think the more necessary secret is just how much hatred he harbors for this place LOL and what he plans to do about it O__O enacting such plans would require a level of trust from his dear citizens though, he’d never want to give them the wrong idea by getting bitter in public. plus, it’d be sloppy to just drop a couple bombs and let everyone burn, he really doesnt WANT to kill people.

23: Is your character morally gray or black or white?

totally gray LOL maybe dark gray depending on how you look at it. i mean he DEFINITELY doesnt have to go out of his way to be a spiteful cunt and harass and torture harvey but. i’d say the necessity of his Region Zero Demolition Plans is questionable. yes, theres probably better ways to go about it BUT what better way to ensure no one will ever try this shit again and subject thousands more people to such painful lives? everything else he’s done up to this point is somewhat gray as well.......hes definitely got his justifications and people have definitely done worse for less but yknow.... i think similarly to his sister he really feels a need to do important things and thats a lot more difficult to say you did when you choose a career path that isnt rather inherently humanitatian. i think he becomes more desperate for that once he realizes ivy kinda sorta died in vain.  

25: Would you want to hang out with your character?

i really would not <3 he’d spend an hour talking my ear off about literally Nothing.

27: What would be the worst way for your character to die?

THE REAL ANSWER TO THIS JUST IN TERMS OF HIS OWN WISHES IS DYING OF CANCER AND/OR BEFORE HE GETS TO CANADA. I THINK THERE WOULD BE FUNNIER MORE IRONIC THINGS THT COULD HAPPEN THO. REALLY. CAR ACCIDENT ON THE WAY TO GO HARASS HARVEY.  IDK.

33: In what ways is your character like you?

he’s really really not like me much at all but. he IS a younger boy twin with a thing for pink <3 also hes fake but way more fake than i am 

38: What role does your character play in their story?

he is a proper antagonist he is here to create problems but he is also here to Maybe Kinda Have A Point??? Sometimes. plus i think its only suitable to his lovely perfect charming personality that he’s kinda the person who bridges the relationships between everyone deeply involved in the story, as he’s known everyone on at least a kinda personal level. this sucks for everyone else now of course, but it is true. 

44: What is your character proud of?

i think hes proud of his sister even though they kinda split paths in a less than amicable way. he’s somewhat proud of himself as well for getting things accomplished so exactly to his liking (once he actually figured out what he wanted to do after moving here), but i think he feels more empty about that than one would expect a really accomplished outgoing job guy to typically feel. 

56: What’s one of your character’s quirks?

he has a really quirky hide-my-cancer-symptoms routine that he follows to perfection. he has a canadian accent that only becomes obvious on certain words and everyone thinks thats funny. he has an affinity for the color pink and always has to be wearing it. 

[the-matron-of-ravens]

If you want my (very very long) actual thoughts as to why here they are:

1) I’ve said it before but a good portion of the Critter fandom just seems to straight up dislike Sam. Or at the very least have no tolerance for the way he pushes buttons. He plays most things for laughs, doesn’t give the *romance* and deep emotional vibes nearly as often, but when he does it slaps you upside the face and is often really PVP oriented.

For reference: “What’s my mother’s name?” “This was YOUR people” and “You were never alive to begin with”

That’s partly why I think the discourse started early. FCG is intentionally rough around the edges and not necessarily in the more attractive (Sad Traumatized Gay Girl) vibes of Imogen/Laudna. Instead he’s openly judgmental (something also said about Orym), he’s openly ignorant, is a Bad Therapist, and thinks he knows how to help people when he doesn’t even know what it means to be a person yet. These are all traits that cause tension and conflict in ways the fandom seems to not tolerate very well.

2) there also seems to be a subsection of the fandom that reads Orym as a Cop or Cop-like figure. Again I point to the belief that Orym is judgmental (or at least MORE judgmental than anyone else). I’ve seen metas about how Orym is prejudiced against Laudna and Imogen because they’re different and because Imogen is Ruidus born (but not because she and Laudna have openly wondered multiple times if The Ruby Vanguard - who murdered his husband and father - are right and Correct Actually. Because why would he have a right to be upset about that? )

TBH, I think people see him as a Downer and as a a Boring Lawful Cop Character who is just mopey and never got over his dead husband and is holding it against Imogen and Laudna.

For reference: see the reaction to Orym telling Keyleth who imogen’s mom is, the lack of attention to the fallout if he HADN’T and Keyleth had known he hid it from her (when we know she already had suspicions), and the horror that he might have deeper loyalties than to the people he met three months ago.

3) Laudna (and to some extent Imogen but maybe less? It’s unclear) became a LOT of peoples’ Blorbo and certainly the ones they relate most strongly too.

This has seemed to generate a lot of protective/uwu feelings. (This isn’t judgmental I’ve had the same feelings for other characters before too).

However this has seemed to manifest in pretty intense reactions to anything/anyone seemingly Against Laudna/Imogen

4) finally and maybe the most?

I think for a LOT of people their Real Life feelings of Religion and God/s is being activated by this campaign. They have legitimate and understandable trauma/distrust/etc. about religion and it’s bleeding through EVERYWHERE.

Like I’ve seen people talk about FCG being a zealot when he’s openly questioning his faith in conversations to the Changebringer. Taking issue with him loudly declaring his faith but having no problem with others loudly declaring their lack of faith and even wondering of if the gods deserve to exist at all.

I’ve even seen some conversations where it extends to Sam (who ISNT EVEN CHRISTIAN. He’s a Jew - like myself - and we argue about this shit all the time). I think the vast majority of CR’s fandom is operating from a Evangelical Christianity is the baseline and it’s coloring everything they see with FCG and Sam.

IRL, a lot of people want those in Religious and Lawful Power to suffer and fail because me/we have been hurt by them. I think that’s bleeding over into how FCG and Orym are being read.

To end, fandom is very very very bad at nuance. And all of the BH are more nuanced than they’re being given credit for.

Like, it’s understandable for Laudna to almost kill FCG and to actually kill Bor’dor when betrayed because she was triggered.

It’s understandable that Imogen lost control and leveled an *entire city block* because Laudna was killed and she lost control.

It’s understandable - and cool actually - that Fearne didn’t fully heal FCG because she was mad at him for hurting Laudna and he almost died because of it.

(Meanwhile all of Bells Hells readily accept all of the divine healing FCG has to give (which to my memory he’s never denied someone) no matter how much they hate the source of it.)

It’s even understandable that Chetney lost control at the Ruidus flare and almost bit Orym or Fearne (and DID bite FRIDA).

But it’s NOT okay for FCG to also lose control and go Murderbot. He’s an abusive monster for doing so.

It’s NOT okay for Orym to be incapable of keeping others in line anymore - and even more it’s HIS fault for Laudna losing control cause he didn’t reign her in.

Like I want to be so clear I don’t actually hold ill will for any of them for any of this. It’s juicy conflict and delicious. But I am getting very annoyed at the very prevalent double standards, seemingly because those characters don’t have the opinions fans like.

And I also hate the part of me that is worried I’ll lose followers for being Too Negative or not having the Right Opinions but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[extravaguk]

pairing: jungkook x reader

summary: But above all things, the last thing you expected to happen when you came back was to show your tits and get pierced by none other than motherfucking Jeon Jungkook.

Jeon Jungkook. Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.

wordcount: 15k

genre: summer!au, ex high school classmaters, kinda frenemies to lovers, tattoo artist!&piercing artist!jungkook, popular!reader

rated: m (fluff - smut - angst)

warnings: you broke jungkook's heart you bitch!! , oral sex (m&f), protected sex (shocking tbh), CL as your bestie it doesnt get better than that! idk i dont wanna spoil too much

author's note: fucking finally dude!! i've been writing this since february but school was kicking my ass. now that i finished my exams and mercury is in gemini i was able to finish it. if you read this, i hope you enjoy it!

Inkphoria

You've been standing outside the shop re-reading the word for fifteen minutes, although it definitely feels like it has been longer. You're gripping the flyer too tightly, rumpling the paper in your hand until you're pretty much sure it's ruined. It's the first day of June, and it's already too hot. The sun and humid weather are causing beads of sweat to form in your hairline and your white tank top to stick to your skin. Your jean shorts didn't feel this uncomfortable a few hours ago and you're sure the heat is causing your mascara to transfer to your eyelids and lower lashline. You've never needed a slushie and a smoke this bad in forever, even if you knew the later would make your parents lose their shit.

Inkphoria

You read it again. Your brain is trying to guess what font its written in, an excuse to try to steady your heart beat until your nerves ease a little and you can finally gather the courage to step into the damn shop. You've noticed a few people passing by giving you strange looks because maybe it hasn't been fifteen minutes. Perhaps you've been unmoving like an idiot in the middle of the street for longer than you want to admit.

Chaelin's voice echoes inside your head.

'Its not that much of a big deal. It's not even that painful, trust me.'

You wish you could trust your best friend, but your best friend is also the same woman who assured you Cats was the movie of the year. Yes, not 'Cats: The Musical'. 'Cats', the movie.

'And this could be a great start to get out of your comfort zone and start living your life exactly the way you want to, not the way people expect you to. Not the way your family wants you to, not the way Adam wanted you to.'

But although her credibility could sometimes be questionable - like that time she also told you she'd tried marmite and 'honestly, it's not as bad as people make it out to be'-, you also didn't trust anybody in this world as much as you trusted her. She had always been your entire support system, the only one around you who never sugarcoated, who always treated you as an equal, who was always there for you to help you discover yourself and, at the same time, remind you of who you were.

'And it's gonna look so hot, too.'

That's it. Sticking the wrinkled flyer on your back pocket, your feet finally start moving. It doesn't take longer than three strides and you're pushing open the door.

The first thing you notice is that, thankfully, the shop is empty. The second thing you notice is the bright sky blue walls, a green undertone peaking through. Your eyes scan nervously the interior. Frames with tattoo designs and people modeling other different designs decorate the walls, some skateboards also hanging from the ceiling. A few plants in the corner, and two leather couches on either side of the room. Your scanning stops on the counter, where a girl with short, platinium hair and -what you guess is- the eighty percent of her body inked. Face included. She's been looking at you, a smirk tugging at her lips. Her tone is amused when she speaks

"Hi." she says. "You can come closer, you know? We don't bite."

Great. As if you couldn't feel more out of place, apparently you also couldn't look more out of place.

"Sorry." you gulp as you walk forward. "It's my first time doing anything like this."

She laughs this time, but it's not mean. It's not mocking, thank God, and the smile she sends you is as warm as the weather, friendly, luckily helping you calm down a bit. "A virgin, huh? JK's gonna love this." your eyes jump in surprise, but she's fast to wave her hands in front of you. "Just a joke. So, first time getting a tattoo. You have something in mind, honey?"

"Um, no. Not a tattoo. Not yet, I think." you wet your lips, regretting not reaplying chapstick before stepping inside. "A piercing."

"Oh! Cool!" she claps her hands, too excited for your own taste, pulling from under the counter a catalogue. "So, where will it be? Cartilogue? Nose? A lot of people are getting their septums pierced right now, though, so you might-"

"Nipples. Like, one of them."

Her gaze finds yours in surprise, although her face swiftly transforms again into an amiable expression. "Now, that's badass. Alright!" she skims through the pages of the catalogue until she finds the nipple piercing collection. You scratch your head before wiping your forehead sweat-free. "You can pick either barbells or hoops, although barbells heal faster and they don't move around as much. There's different kinds of metal, too. Gold or platinium. If your skin is sensitive, I recommend titanium. It's hypoallergenic and not as problematic."

The blonde keeps talking as you nod your head, a smile making its way into your face while silently thanking her for her easygoing personality. It quickly makes you feel comfortable and stupid for being so terrified of doing this.

Once you decide, settle on the cost and sign the papers, she stands up from the stool she'd been sitting on. "Ok, I'll go tell my coworker. He's been sketching tattoos all morning, it's time he gets to work!" she laughs, but suddenly your smile banishes and your throat shuts down.

"He?" your alarmed tone halts her motions and she looks back at your frightened expression.

He? A he is going to pierce your nipple? You're about to let a random stranger, a HE, see and touch one of your boobs and then pierce a needle through one of your nipples?

"Oh, baby, don't worry. I'd do it myself if I knew how to, but I only do tattoos. Most of our staff are on summer vacation so it's mostly just him and I. If you don't feel comfortable, which is totally understandable, you can wait until september when Minzy comes back and she can do it for you." It's her turn to scratch the back of her head as she adds: "but trust me, we're professionals. He's not a creep or anything like that. He's been doing this for a long time. He won't cross any boundaries."

September? You won't even be here in september. Fuck.

Sure, you could do it when you move back into the city. But this summer was supossed to be the summer. You already decided after your breakup with Adam that there would be no trace of the old you. That it was time to push yourself, to do the things that you've always wanted to do, unapologetically. To find the new you, the real you. To stop being scared.

So after going through you options for a few seconds and taking a deep breath, you make up your mind.

"It's fine. I can do it."

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

"JK, sweetheart!"

Jungkook is finishing drawing a Chinese dragon when Mijoo opens the door without knocking. Again. He puts the pen down, rubbing his eyes. It's monday, a slow monday, not much work, and he had hoped it would stay that way until closing time. It's summer and Jungkook hates summer. He hates the heat, he hates being drenched in sweat, and he hates the fact that he can do nothing about it. Because working in the summer is terrible. Summer makes him lazy, makes him want to bathe in a tub full of iced water and not get out until he turns into a raisin and october comes. It makes him irritable. Summer makes him annoyed by people -like Mijoo, even if he loves her to death- and himself.

"I got a girl here who wants a nipple piercing, her first piercing by the way, so get your shit ready and bla bla bla. Straight titanium barbell. Also, don't flirt and don't be creepy. She almost ran away when I told her a male was going to be touching and piercing her tit, be mindful of that. She's too cute, if you want to get her number you should wait until it's done. I think that's it. I'll bring her in in a minute."

Mijoo leaves as fast as she talks, but Jungkook is already used to it. He's already used to the headaches her mouth causes too. He sighs before standing up, tying his too-long raven hair into the best bun he can manage. He washes his hands, sets the table up, sits on the chair and puts the gloves on. He's too busy sterilizing the jewerly when Mijoo comes back with you.

"Alright, my babies. I'll leave you to it." she turns to you. "He'll explain everything, from how the process will be to how to take care of it after it's done." she leaves before saying bye, closing the door behind her, and then he finally turns to you.

Your eyes meet and suddenly everything stops. He almost drops the sterilizing machine, his whole body tensing, going into panic mode as he recognizes you immediatly. His hands shake.

Of course he does. Of course he recognizes his high school crush. The too goody two shoes, too pretentious and too rich, too good for everybody and, most importantly, 'too good for Jeon Jungkook' girl of his high school dreams. Of course he recognizes the girl he had confessed his stupid crush to when he was sixteen. Of course he recognizes the girl who rejected and broke his young and foolish heart when he was a dumb teenager.

It doesn't matter that six years have passed ever since. He still knows every lock of your hair like the palm of his hand. He still remembers the shape of your lips and the exact shade of your eyes. He can still identify the body he fantasized about -and jacked off to- when he was a hormonal teen, now filled in all the right places. Now a grown woman.

Just one look at you after years and years of pining is enough to almost make him faint. And grow a boner under his jeans.

And by the look on your face, your eyes wide and your mouth agape, you recognize him as well.

Dammit.

He schools his features and clears his throat. Forces his body to relax and compose himself, because he's not a teenager anymore. He's also a grown man, who has matured, who now has much more experience with women than he did back then. He had already embarrased himself enough when he was sixteen to be doing it all over again. You're just another attractive girl in a sea of attractive women.

He turns to you. You still haven't said anything. Neither has he.

"Um, you can sit on the table." he manages, motioning to the set up in front of him. He watches you taking doubtful steps until you're sitting down, your eyes avoiding his gaze. He almost forgot you were here to get pierced. Holy shit, you were here to get pierced. To get your nipple pierced.

You're a professional, Jungkook. You can do this, Jungkook. You've seen boobs before, Jungkook. You've pierced nipples before, Jungkook.

Clearing his throat again and forcing his hands to stay by his side, he speaks. "The... The top." your gaze finds his, like a puppy about to get scolded. You look at your top, realization dawning on you. "You don't have to take it off. You can just pull it down."

So you do, pulling the straps of the white tank top down and dragging the fabric down with trembling fingers. No bra. Jungkook gulps as your breasts comes into vision. As perfect as he had imagined years ago. His cock twitches. Round, full, perky and so damn inviting he has to hold himself back from latching onto one nipple with his mouth around it and swirling his tongue over the nub until you're a pretty, moaning, little mess on his piercing tabl-

He closes his eyes for just a second before reminding himself to act like the 23 year old Jungkook he's tried so hard to become. The confident, assured Jungkook he is.

"Okay, this is how it'll go. First I'll clean it and scrub it to get rid of any bacteria." he's so glad he hasn't stuttered yet. 23 year old Jungkook doesn't stutter like 17 year old Jungkook. He's also glad he can pick the alcohol bottle and the surgical scrub without trembling. When he faces you again, you're watching his motions with your lip caught between your teeth. That has him swallowing the lump in his throat.

Making eye contact with him again, you take a deep breath and offer a small nod, so he gets to work. He can show you and himself he's a grown man. A grown man who can pierce a nipple without appearing like it's the first time he's seen a boob in his life. The sooner he does it, the sooner it's over.

Jungkook wets the paper towel with alcohol before carefully wiping over your nub with it. Your back arches, probably from the cold feeling, he guesses. He rubs it a few times before throwing it in the trash can nearby. He avoids looking at how enticing the soft peak is salluting him when he reaches for the marker. He doesn't say anything when he dots it with it, jaw clenched and his dick painfully stiff.

"Lay back." his voice low as he commands, turning away to get the clamp. When he slides closer, he tries to ignore the view: you, with your hair sprawled and your sweaty, shiny skin and your eyes focused on the cieling, nipple fully erect, like the star of one of his most erotic dreams. He extends his free gloved hand before he can stop himself, fingers carefully working the nub until he's sure it's painfully hard. Almost as hard as he is.

You gasp, your back arching again. He stills and looks at you, your cheeks flushed pink. Probably from the heat, he guesses again. Or at least that's what he tells himself. He can't stop himself from wondering how responsive would you be in a different setting, most likely his bed while his teeth play with your breast and his cock dives into-

"You okay?" he studies your face, your eyes not meeting his and instead still focusing on the white ceiling.

"Mhm." you reply with a small voice.

"Relax, alright? It'll be over soon." his voice is as gentle as he can, his fingers mindlessly caressing your breast to try to soothe your nerves. Or maybe it's just because he's a selfish bastard. Whatever it is, he forces himself to bring the clamp to your nipple, securing it around it.

"Take a few deep breaths. This will only take a second of pain and then it will go away." He misses the way your mouth falls open, but he doesn't miss the way your eyes squeeze tight as the needle goes in.

"Ah!" he definitely doesn't miss that either. He goes rigid for a second, because that didn't fucking sound like a cry of painfulness. It's breathy, and whiny, not too loud and, for fucks sake, if that's how you sound when you're getting fucked, he swears to God-

He feels your heartbeat under his hands when he puts the barbell in and then the bandage over it. He takes a look at you, chest moving up and down. And then you take a look at him and what he sees is almost enough to take you right there.

Reddened cheeks, drops of sweat framing your face and those eyes glazed with something he's seen too much in the women he's fucked throughout his life. They're half lidded, mascara adorning your long lashes and almost smudged, looking right through him.

"Jungkook..." and your voice, as you say his name -acknowledging him for the first time since you stepped into his shop, for the first time since you were sixteen-, it's hoarse, almost inaudible, like you just came all over his-

He's on his feet in an instant like he's been burned. "It may bleed for the first week, and it can be really sore. The swelling will eventually come down." he's quickly tidying up the table, a bottle in his hand that he hands to you without looking directly. "Wash it gently with this soap and warm water once per day. Don't touch it. Wear a comfortable...bra. If it gets crusty, clean it with saline. Not alcohol or any other thing you might clean a wound with. The soap I just gave you or saline. Nothing else."

He's pacing around the room as he takes his gloves off and throws them in the trash bin, too agressively maybe, then he keeps rambling, like he's hurriedly trying to make you leave as soon as possible. "Avoid pools and the sea. It takes about six months to a year to heal, so don't... don't touch it, don't play with it or..." he clears his throat, "don't let anyone else play with it. And if it gets infected, come back immediately and I'll take a look at it." which he honestly hopes it won't happen. When he faces you, your top is back on and you're getting off the table.

"Alright, um...I'll do that." clearing your throat, your hand gripping the doorknob. "Thank you."

But right before you can exit the room, Jungkook says your name.

"_____." when you turn around to face him, it takes a few seconds for him to make eye contact from across the room. "It was good to see you."

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

"Let me see!"

It's the first thing Chaelin says when she opens the door to her appartment. It's on the second floor, small enough to compare it to most expensive appartments you'd stayed in throughout your life, but big enough for Chaelin, her cat and her -impressive- collection of acrylic nail kits and pairs of high heels. It's also big enough for her to offer you the only guest room until summer is over so you didn't have to, one, stay at your parents' place, and two, find an appartment in a short period of time for a short period of time.

When you left years ago, you did so with the thought of 'never looking back'. You never really expected to return here, of all places. Maybe visit your best friend for a weekend at most, have dinner with your parents on a saturday and then go back to the new life you'd made for yourself on a sunday.

But that was before you'd caught Adam cheating.

Tale as old as time: childhood sweethearts get engaged, move in together, son of a bitch sleeps with the assistand he told his girlfriend not to worry about, and then the brokenhearted girl packs her bags and leaves the cheating bastard begging for her to come back.

You'd be lying if you said you were surprised.

Throughout your life, you'd learned to expect many things, regardless of being sheltered and babied by your family since you were born. Watched too much Maury and Dr.Phil. Too much Gossip Girl to know what the deal with life really is.

So, thankfully, you'd only shed a few tears, mostly because your ego and self steem were slightly triggered. You'd realize long before that your feelings for Adam started to disappear once he popped the question and you said yes. Your love story began as teenagers but soon after graduating, the two of you went on different paths: you'd matured, grown into your twenties while he got stuck at 17 and never stopped acting as such.

So yeah, whatever, break ups are hard. But they're not as hard when the love is gone and the sole reason to stay with your partner is to please your parents. You were also right when you expected your mom to tell you to 'forgive and forget' because 'those things just happen, it's not a big deal, honey'.

But above all things, the last thing you expected to happen when you came back was to show your tits and get pierced by none other than motherfucking Jeon Jungkook.

Jeon Jungkook. Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.

The lanky nerd with braces, glasses and an anime obsession much bigger than his hentai obsession, which is saying a lot. The shy, awkward classmate who'd stuttered his undying crush for you when you were just kids. That one who you had rudely rejected like the bitch you used to be in high school.

But my God, Jeon Jungkook was anything but a kid now.

You were shocked. You were gagged. Couldn't seem to fathom what was happening and what your eyes were seeing. It took you a while to close your mouth when you realized JK was Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.

With messy black hair, a smoldering gaze free of glasses, piercings adorning both ears, and his right eyebrow,, the braces long gone showing perfectly straight - but still bunny like- teeth. The clothes he wore were loose, all black, but it was impossible not to notice the muscles of his back and arms, covered with tattoos from his hands to his forearms. You'd bet there were more of them underneath the fabric.

It was awkward at first. You didn't know what to do, or what to say. Didn't know if he rememberd you. So you chose to stay quiet while your body chose to react like it had never been in the presence of an attractive young man in it's entire life.

And oh, did it react.

He was reluctant, his old timid demeanor peeking through his newly adopted persona. But as soon as those hands came in contact with your skin, your whole body was lit on fire. Like you were 16 and losing your virginity over again and it was the first time a dude touched your boobs.

There shouldn't have been anything erotic about it -besides the fact that your entire breasts were exposed-, it should've been just a professional procedure. But those gloved fingers touched and pinched and suddenly you were too aware of Jeon Jungkook and the way you were starting to sweat profously, not due to the heat of the season.

You tried to distract yourself by looking at the cieling and not at his gorgeous face. Tried to avoid thinking about Jeon Jungkook and how his mouth would feel wrapped around you. Tried not to think about the way your panties were a second skin to your folds, and how tempted you were to grind your hips until you recieved some sort of friction with the jean fabric of your shorts. You wonder if he noticed you squeezing your thighs together. You hope not.

And then the needle happened. You never thought of yourself as a particularly kinky person. Sex with Adam was boring for the most part and you'd lost your libido for a long time. Stopped thinking about sex altogether. But the pain. The pain mixed with his hand rubbing soothing circles on your breast and his voice, as sweet as honey, guiding you through it. It made you reconsider a lot of things you'd once dismissed as 'weird' or 'deviant'

You swear you almost came right on his table.

And then your eyes connected, you made the mistake of calling his name like a satisfied woman who still needed more, and it was all gone. He stood up like a scared cat, gave you a bunch of explanations about the aftercare that you barely grasped without even looking at you and pretty much rushed you to leave.

So you walked, all the way from the tattoo parlor to Chaelin's appartment, mortified, and completely humilliated.

"Are you gonna let me see or not?" your friend says expectantly as you finally sit down after chugging a glass of iced water. You sigh, placing the glass on the table before carefully pulling down your top. "Oh my God, it looks so cool!" she gasps and you can't help a smile while she studies it in amazement. "Did it hurt?"

"Um, I guess." you keep out the part where you almost orgasmed, obviously, stopping her hand from touching when she reaches towards you. "Wait, no. He said something about not touching it for like six months or a year, I don't remember."

At that, Chaelin's eyebrows quirk up. "He? It was a he? Was he cute, at least?"

"You won't believe this..." looking away for a few seconds, you take a deep breath. "It was Jeon Jungkook."

There's a pause, a silence that fills the room when Chaelin's jaw drops. "Jeon Jungkook...pierced your nipple?"

You close your eyes, bracing yourself for what you're a hundred percent sure is coming.

"Ha..." there it is. "Ha ha..." you still know there's more. "Ha ha ha..."

Chaelin laughs hysterically for about God knows how long, while you keep drinking your glass of water unfaced, your mind drifting back to Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie, his tattoos and his stupid gloved hands.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

You know he's here.

Everything was cool, you were doing alright, having a great time with your vodka sprite in hand and your cute white bikini on. Chaelin was by your side, the guys were excited to have you back and thankfully, you'd avoided most questions about Adam and they'd avoided digging too deep into the topic. You'd sunbathed the whole afternoon, kept away from the water like he'd told you and ate the Hawaiian pizza Yoongi insisted on ordering despite Namjoon's and Jimin's complaints.

It's at night, when you're a little tipsy and your cheeks are flushed, that you feel it. You'd barely noticed Taehyung disappearing to let in a new guest.

You don't see him, but you feel him.

You're sitting on the pool tile steps, legs dangling and the water baely reaching your belly to make sure it doesn't touch your very sensitive and newly pierced nipple. Your back is facing the sliding glass doors of Hoseok's house, but the moment you hear his voice, smooth but animated as he converses with Taehyung, your body wakes up immediately, back straightening, goosebumps forming on your arms and nipples tightening against the fabric of your two piece.

You don't turn around, instead opting for downing the remaining of your drink and coming to the realization that, of course, Taehyung, social butterfly who'd always got along with everybody and remained friends with most people from high school, still keeps in touch with Jungkook.

You ignore him when he enters the pool, still peering from the corner of your eyes while pretending to be engaged in Chaelin's and Jihyo's conversation. Your mind sabotages you by taking you to that day a week ago at the tattoo parlor.

To the warmth of his hand, to the few strands of hair that his small ponytail couldn't keep together, to the way his eyes focused on such an intimate part of your body, to the endless ink decorating his skin, to-

Great. Now your bottoms are wet and not due to the water.

You don't miss Chaelin supressing a laugh and her not so subtle elbowing. You glance at her in warning and try to keep calm for the next fifteen minutes until Jin proposes moving to the living room to watch a movie.

"I'm gonna stay here for a little longer, guys." you say, after clearing your throat. You needed some time to gather yourself before being in a confined space with Jungkook.

"Are you sure?" Jin stops by your side to place a hand on your shoulder as everybody starts exiting the pool. "It's Mean Girls! You love Mean Girls! You never miss a minute of Mean Girls!"

Rolling your eyes, you wave him dismissively. "I know every dialogue on Mean Girls like the back of my hand, I think I'll be alright, Jin."

When everybody finally leaves, you take a deep breath, covering your face with your hands in an attempt to get him out of your head. Damn Jeon Jungkook and his irresisitble glow up.

"You okay?"

The unexpected voice startles you, a gasp finding its way out of your mouth and causing you to jump on your seat, heartbeat erratic as you instantly recognize who it belongs to. Your hand grasps your chest as if that would do anything to protect yourself against him.

"Shit, don't do that!" you say, the words almost getting stuck in your throat as you see him approaching you, still submerged in the pool. The more he nears you, the less water depth there is and the more visible his torso comes into view. Wich was exactly what you'd been avoiding.

Because Jeon Jungkook was ripped, as you'd imagined when you first encountered him.

Broad shoulders and strong biceps and chiseled abs and veiny forearms. Drenched hair, a full sleeve of tattoos and water dripping from delicious tan skin and all just so very hard. That paired up with a loopsided smile that does nothing but make you shudder.

"Sorry." he doesn't sound apologetic at all when he says that, the smirk adorning his features telling. "You just seemed a little off." you advert your gaze when he pushes his hair back.

"I'm fine, just...just wanted to be by myself."

"Oh" Jungkook's smile disappears. "I can leave, if you want me t-"

"No!" you're not sure where that comes from and neither does he, judging by the look on his face when your eyes find his. Eyebrows raised and mouth slightly parted, he's as surprised as you and there's an awkward silence for a few seconds. "Um, you don't have to. I mean, it's not my house, you can do whatever you want." you sniff and tame your voice, trying to seem cool and collected like you didn't just practically beg him not to go.

Ironic, considering this was exactly what you had been fearing for the past thirty minutes.

And then he smiles. A knowing smile. A smile that says 'you just totally checked me out and now you don't want me to leave'. A smile that you would have never associated with Jeon Jungkook of all people years ago. A smile that makes you want to look away but still keeps you in place.

"Sure." he says, closing the space between the two of you slowly but still leaving enough distance. "So, how's it going?"

You clear your throat, head high and determined not to let this man, or any man for that matter, turn you into a trembling mess. You're still you and you're not easily shaken by the opposite sex. Or at least that's what you helplessly chant in your head.

"Everything's cool. I'm on summer vacation now," a little white lie, "so I decided to-"

"The piercing." he says, the smile never leaving his face. "I meant how's the piercing."

"The pier- right." you almost miss the step he takes forward, all too aware of his height over yours but thankful for the centimeters that being propped on the stairs added to yours. "It's-" you almost, almost miss his knee touching your knee and him slightly separating your legs with his own inch by inch. Or how your thighs open unvoluntarely to welcome him in and how you can barely find coherent words to speak. "It's doing-" or the way his smile disappears and is instead focusing his dark stare fully onto yours.

"It's doing well." you finally say in a whisper, not being able to bring yourself to be louder.

He hums. "May I see it?" Jungkook wets his lips with the tip of his tongue and the action and his voice is enough to make you nod your head, bewitched.

His movements are unhurried, his hand coming up to tentatively come in contact with the flesh of your clavicle. His fingers skim through your skin upwards, his touch is feather-like when it wraps around your throat. You pant, and he stops but he doesn't move away, his eyes still focused on yours, studying you, daring you to pull back, to tell him to back off. But just a simple touch of his and you're fully under his control. It reminds you too much of the day you got that damn piercing.

Your lips are parted and for a moment he stays just like that. His body so close to yours but not close enough, and his hand slightly gripping your neck. Your pussy clenches around nothing and you can't wrap your head around the fact that something so simple sets your entire being alive and leaves you aching.

Then, as slow as he started, his hand travels from the front of your neck to the back, pushing your hair aside to carefully untie the straps of your bikini. He breathes through his nostrils, doesn't make a sound. He seems so collected it's starting to annoy you.

Instead, your breathing is ragged when the top falls down, exposing both your breasts to him. That's when he removes his eyes from yours and his jaw clenches. Your nipples perk up under his gaze, like they remember him and the effect he had on them just a week ago. You're at least glad you're not the only one affected but he seems to be a master at keeping it under wraps.

Then, his hand moves again, leaving goosebumps on your skin as it goes south. Jungkook takes his time, so deliberate you want to scream, until he's cupping your pierced breast, keeping away from the nipple just like he'd advised you a few days prior. You can't look away from his face, from his eyes observing you like you're a full course meal and he's been starving for days. You feel drops of water falling from his hair to your thighs, his thumb caressing your skin so delicately as it faintly nears your still tender nipple. Just nearing it, never touching it.

"Beautiful." his murmur is almost imperceptible and for a moment you think you've imagined it. Your back arches on its own, breast pushed against the palm of his hand, almost like your body is begging him to come closer, to touch you more, to feel you all over. He meets your eyes briefly, gauging your reaction, before going back to your chest. Suddenly, the grip on your breast tightens, fingers ever so softly squeezing your flesh. From your throat comes a mewl, your eyes shut and your legs close around his waist.

"Jungkook, please..." you whisper when you open your eyes. He looks at you, unvertainty written all over his face, lips bruised as if he had been biting on them too hard, gaze as glassy as yours. And just like that, the spell is broken. He blinks and his expression changes completely. Lips forming a straight line and jaw tight. His hand retracts, fixing your bikini top over your breasts before tying it around your neck like it originally was. Meanwhile your eyebrows crunch in confusion. But when you're about to start asking questions, he clears his throat.

"It's healing okay." he steps back, avoiding your eyes. "I'll see you inside."

Jungkook leaves the pool like nothing happened.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

Jungkook is fiddling, fixing the position of his glasses and combing through his straight hair with shaky hands, habits he's tried so hard to get rid of in his sixteen years of existence but still finds impossible to.

He can't help it. He's always been like this: the quiet and awkward kid in class who sits in the back, a misunderstood puppy in a sea of stronger dog breeds that could eat him alive. An outcast. Too geeky for his own good. Notebokes full of Dragon Ball doodles on the margins of the pages, the shelves in his room stacked with Marvel figurines, and a closet filled with outdated clothes that he has been inheriting from his older brother.

He has never been the type to stand out, always being overlooked by people like he's invisible. He doesn't mind though. He'd much rather be ignored than getting picked on by bullies like he used to in elementary school.

He never gets invited to parties. Ever. He's a nobody who barely speaks, and when he does he either stutters or manages to embarrass himself in one way or another. He's seen the look on people's faces when they look at him. Their eyes seem to scream 'weirdo' everytime he gets acknowledged.

So obviously the only reason he was invited to this particular party had a first and last name: Kim Taehyung. The only kid in Jungkook's entire life who didn't look at him in a funny way, the only kid who took the time to entangle in a random conversation with him after class and who seemed geniune enough to make Jungkook feel comfortable.

He's not sure how it happened, since Taehyung mostly hangs out with the cool kids. But somehow it did, and now Jungkook is uncomfortably standing in a living room full of drunk teens, looking directly at you.

You, the one girl Jungkook had been pining on for God knows how long. You, who are obviously too pretty, too popular, and way out of his league. You, with your plaid skirt and your polo shirt and those legs that never seem to end. You, who are sitting with your friends in a couch, drink in hand and visibly tipsy. And yet, he doesn't think he's ever seen anyone pull of the 'drunk-rosy-cheek' look better than you.

He can hear your laugh through the music and he already thinks it sounds better than whoever is playing in the background.

"Come on, Gukkie! Her friends are leaving and she's all by herself now! It's your chance" Taehyung's obviously drunk too because it took Jungkook a while to decypher his exact words. He'd disappeared for a while and now that he's back, he's pushing Jungkook in your direction.

"This was a mistake, Taehyung." Jungkook shakes his hair and steps back, quickly glancing at the front door to prepare his escape. But his new friend's grip on his hoodie keeps him in place.

"Guk, listen. The only thing you have to do, is walk up to her, and say 'hey I think you're, like, really pretty. Just letting you know. Bye!' That's it. Jung- Dude, Guk, seriously, look at me." Taehyung grabs Jungkook's cheeks, squishing them between his hands and forceing him to face him. "You've been crushing hard on her for years, my man. We're graduating and you won't see each other again. What's the worst thing that can happen? Getting rejected?"

Jungkook's eyebrows draw together. "Um, yeah?"

"Exactly! Getting rejected is not the end of the world, bro! It just means keep trying on other girls!" Taehyung releases his hold on Jungkook's cheeks. "I just think you're going to regret not telling your crush she's your crush. Who knows? Maybe in the future you two will get married."

Jungkook snickers, muttering a 'yeah right' under his breath. Still, he can't help the smile that Taehyung's words always seem to pull out of him.

"Now," Taehyung playfully slaps Jungkook before turning him in your direction again. "Go get 'em, tiger!"

"Okay," Mijoo's voice slices through Jungkook's memories. She's sitting on Jungkook's desk, munching on her brownies and looking at her coworker expectantly. "And then what?"

He sighs, running a hand through his hair, sits back on his chair, already feeling the effects of Mijoo's baked goods. "And then I walked up to her, like a damn fool, stutter and all. And I say:" he clears his throat, making an effort to do his best teenage Gukkie impression."'Hey, _____, um, so, I think you're beautiful and I've had a crush on you since seventh grade, haha, just wanted to let you know.'"

Mijoo rolls her eyes, still chewing. "And then what?"

"And then she looked me up and down, giggled, fucking giggled, Mijoo, and said 'Who are you, again?'" Mijoo gasps and Jungkook closes his eyes, trying to force that recollecion out of his head.

"What a bitch." she can't help but laugh before apologizing. Jungkook merely shrugs his shoulders and takes another bite of his brownie. "She didn't say anything else?"

"She said something along the lines of:" he clears his throat again, this time, doing an impression of you. "'That's sweet and all but, you and I... we're not the same. And I have a boyfriend, so...' She said that like I didn't know, like I wasn't aware of the school's it couple! Like I was dumb!"

Mijoo nods. "And now you want to fuck her even more than you did in high school."

"I- No! Well, yes. Fuck, of course I want to sleep with her! But I just... can't."

"Why not?"

"Did you hear anything about what I just told you or were you too concentrated trying to get high?"

It's Mijoo's turn to roll her eyes. "I heard everything you just told me. I just don't understand what the problem is. You two were sixteen. Sure, she was a bitch about it, but Lord knows I've been a bitch my entire life and now I'm not anymore." Jungkook raises an eyebrow at that. "Okay, sometimes I can be nice. But the point is..." Mijoo finishes her piece of brownie before getting off of Jungkook's desk. "It's been, what? Nine? Ten years? People change, JK. You're the best example of that. You want to fuck her and she obviously wants to fuck you too. You're both adults." she wipes her hands on her shorts. "I think it's time you fulfill that high school fantasy of yours."

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

You've made up your mind.

And by you, it means Chaelin has made up your mind.

It didn't take long to convince you though. That last interaction with Jungkook cause too many emotions stirring within you. It left you hot, it left you bothered, it left you confused. Sure, it also left you a little bit embarrassed like the first time, but above everything else, that interaction with Jungkook left you absolutely livid.

Because who the fuck did Jeon Jungkook, formerly known as Guk, Gukkie, Jungukkie, and currently known as JK, think he was to come near you, speed your heart rate's up, and then runaway like that?

You've spent days thinking about it. About that face, about that body, about those hands and- shit. You're doing it again.

You've spent days trying to push those intrusive thoughts. Spent days trying to bury what happened. You've spent days trying to keep quiet, not telling anyone about it and just wishing that stupid spark of desire simply went away.

But it has just been simply unavoidable. You haven't been able to ignore the sleepless nights with your brain drifting back to that night and forbidding your hand from slipping under your panties. Or the excessive amount of time during the day where images of him suddenly popped in your head and wouldn't go away, even with you squeezing your thighs to try to make the ache go away.

So you ended up ranting and ranting and ranting to the only person you could confide on, who is obviously your best friend. Your best friend, who's too smart for her own good and knows you too well for your liking. Because apparently your moodiness and snappy remarks couldn't go unnoticed.

And after explaining the fiasco over a bottle of wine -and minutes of endless laughing on Chaelin's part because, again, it's Gukkie you two were talking about and, according to her, this was "the most karmic thing I've ever seen"-, she gave you the best advice an older sister could ever give.

"Fuck him."

"I know right? Fuck him!"

"No. I mean, fuck him."

And now here you are. Right inside that room you stepped in weeks ago, confronting the man in question with the same confidence that has always distinguished you from others and trying to act like the fluttering inside your belly wasn't nauseauting.

"A date."

"Yes."

"You want to go on a date with me." this wouldn't be so hard if Jungkook didn't look so delectable in a plain white t-shirt and ripped jeans. You cross your arms over your chest, doing your best to not look down at the exposed skin of a man who obviously worked out a lot and apparently, never skipped leg day. "What's the catch?"

He's sitting on his chair, back resting comfortably and legs spread, narrowing his eyes at you and probably wondering why the girl at the front desk let you in without an appointment. Also, probably wondering if there was a catch to all of this.

"There's no catch. I just want to go to the fair this weekend. I'll ask Taehyung for your number and text you the date and the exact place we'll be meeting. Unless..." your quirk one of your eyebrows. "Unless you're already planning on how you'll chicken out this time."

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

Of course, Jungkook says yes to going on a date with his high school crush but spends the following days overthinking every single thing.

He can't help but feel like it's kinda sketchy. What if you're planning your vendetta on him? What if you don't even show up and he ends up there looking like a damn idiot? What if you hate him and are just messing up with him? What if that incident in high school is going to repeat itself?

"If she doesn't show up, you simply move on and never speak to her again. It's that simple. She can't have that much power over you to cry about something like that." Mijoo had said that same day she let you in the tattoo parlor after you'd asked to see Jungkook. Jungkook's coworker hadn't even question you and just motioned you to Jungkook's room with a knowing smile on her face. Later that day, Jungkook had scolded her about it and she'd simply shrugged.

He considers cancelling, eyes reading the 'won't be able to make it, sorry (sad face emoji)' over and over again and fingers hovering over the send button so many times he's lost count. But then he remembers that comment of yours about him chickening out and Jungkook starts seeing red.

How couldn't you understand he's just terrified of you rejecting him one more time? Sure, Jungkook is now an adult who doesn't get butthurt over stuff like that. He's experienced too much after graduating from high school and he's a much stronger individual than his fragile self back was back then.

But something about you just makes him feel so... weak.

He still finds it impossible to concieve where he got the courage to approach you like that at Taehyung's pool, or how he brought himself to touch you for longer than a minute without coming in his pants. He'd enjoyed it too much. Allowing him to see you so exposed, just for him. He'd be so tempted to kiss you right there and then, to run his hands up and down your thighs and fully wrap your legs around him to let you known how much you'd affected him. Once you called his name, it was like he'd finally snapped out of it and backed away like he'd been burned by you. He spent the next twenty minutes trying to keep himself from pulling down his pants and jerking off in his friend's bathroom.

It's terrible. Because he feels like the teenager he used to be when you're around. Shy, insecure and overall a mess. You showing up in his life after so many years and now apparenly being interested in him seems like a dream that he's not sure he wants to keep being in or wake up from before it's too late and he falls back into that tumoltuous longing that will inevitably end up in heartbreak. His heartbreak.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

It's saturday night, he's standing by himself in the crowded fair at the spot. You're fifteen minutes late and he's already about to turn back and dip out. He feels too awkward and the nerves are eating him alive.

You're not going to show up. You're not going to show up and now he feels and looks even dumber than the time he told you he was crushing on you. You're not even going to show up and now he's going to come back home, get drunk by himself and curse your name for-

"Hey!" he turns around to the sound of your voice and sees you running towards him. "Sorry I'm late! I couldn't find my phone and spent like thirty minutes looking for it. Turns out, Sharon Stone, was taking a nap on top of it and I didn't even notice."

"Sharon Stone?"

"Chaelin's cat."

To be honest, he's too surprised to process your explanation right away. He might also be a little speechless because that sky blue sundress looks too good on your skin and your eyelashes are so long, framing your beautiful eyes, and your lips are all glossy and kisseable that it takes him a while to find his own voice.

He clears his throat. "It's alright." scratching the back of his head, he momentarely adverts his gaze from you in an attempt to not get distracted by how soft your hair looks and how much he wants to wrap it around his hands in a ponytail. "Um, where do you want to go first?"

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

Almost an hour and a half later, when the sun has already disappeared and you're both surrounded by colorful lights, Jungkook decides to buy the both of you hot dogs and a drink and you both settle down on a bench.

You've been walking all over the fair, going from booth to booth, playing any game in sight Jungkook dared you to -he obviously had a competitive streak-: from the ballon and dart games, to the shooting games, to the bumping cars, to the ball-in-basket one. To say you were having fun was an understatement.

You'd almost regretted setting the date up. You were sure he wouldn't even show up and if he did, you were scared of how awkward things could get between the two of you. And if things were awkward, you were sure it would only take less than thirty minutes for the both of you to part ways and never talk again about such failure of a date.

To your surprise, none of that happened.

The conversation was flowing, both of you acting like you were strangers on their first date getting to know each other, which, to be fair, that's exactly what it felt like. There was a slight banter, teasing each other when one of you lost in whatever game you were playing while the other was obviously winning. There were laughs and a funny feeling in your tummy whenever you'd walk side by side and his arm brushed yours.

There was no stiffness on his shoulders, no mention of the past or your previous encounters, no acknowledgement of the blatant sexual tension you'd experienced before, not an ounce of avoidance whenever your eyes met his and he was even sure of himself enough to place a hand on your lower back or briefly interwine your fingers with his to guide you through the mass of people.

It felt like you'd both unspokenly agreed on making each other feel comfortable enough to have a good time.

"I didn't think you were going to show up, to be honest." you suddenly say, taking a sip of your strawberry juice and thankful to finally let your feet rest for a while.

Jungkook looks at you, hot dog mid air and eyebrows almost disappearing into his hairline. "You didn't think I was going to show up? I didn't think you were going to show up." you simply shrug, lowering your gaze seepishly, the beginning of a smile on both your faces. He surprises you by tilting your head in his direction with his forefinger. You watch him watching you, a little dazed, a little lost in how his dark hair messily falls over his forehead and his equally dark eyes study your face, his thumb swiping over your lower lip. "You um... There was ketchup right there." he lies.

"Oh" you say, feeling your face heating up. "Thanks. Red doesn't really match this dress." you manage a smile and tuck a lock of your hair behind your ear.

At that, he eyes your dress for a moment, mouth slightly ajar. He's debating on whether or not to say something but you beat him to it.

"I'm sorry, by the way."

"For being late? I already told you it's fin-"

"No." you shake your head. "For... that time when we were young and I was such a concieted brat." you say, looking away , trying to find anything else that's not his pretty face. "I thought I was a queen bee back then. I was annoying and rude, specially to you. I..." you lick your lips. The cherry glittery gloss was already gone. "I thought it was cute, what you said. There was no reason for me to act like that. I know this doesn't make anything right but..." when you turn to face him again, there's still the same expression on his face. "I'm sorry."

A few seconds go by before it's him who's shaking his head. "It's okay. It was a long time ago, anyway." he smiles at you, although it doesn't reach his eyes and seems sorta forced. You sigh, and he takes your hand. "Let's go to the ferris wheel."

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

tell you're tense. You're sitting right beside him in the ferris cabin, your back is all straight, you're facing forward and he believes you haven't blinked for what feels like an eternity. He thinks it has everything to do with your conversation a few minutes ago. You were probably not content with his response but what could Jungkook do? There was really no point in apologizing for something that happened years ago, but at the same time, he didn't want to hold anything against you like a resentful asshole because it was really not who he was. But there was still a little bit of stingyness inside of him and he didn't know how to make it go away.

At the end of the day, here you were, on a date with him that you'd asked for, getting along and asking questions about him and laughing at his jokes and trying to start all over again.

But then the ferris wheel starts moving, and he finally understands why you look so uncomfortable.

It's the way you immediately grip his forearm, nails digging in his skin and he swears he hears the smallest gasp forcing itself out your throat.

"Are you... scared?" he tentatively asks.

You say nothing for a while, not moving an inch. He would laugh if you didn't look so pained about it.

"I don't like small confined spaces nor rollercoasters." you finally say through gritted teeth.

"It's not really that small and ferris wheels are not rollercoasters. " your nails dig deeper and he winces. "Okay, okay. You don't like small confined spaces nor rollercoasters, and that includes ferris wheels. So why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. I've never liked ferris wheels but you seemed excited about it, so..."

There's a silence after that in the environment, neither of you exactly sure of what to say or how to act. Until Jungkook moves one of his hands hands until it's resting on the one who's holding onto him for dear life, fingers caressing yours. The warmth of his hand spreads through yours and although it's almost July and you can already feel your sweaty back staining your dress, it's oddly comforting. What's more comforting even, is him twisting his body towards you and talking with the calmest and most soothing tone you've ever heard.

"Look at me." you do instantly, unwillingly, and kinda wish you hadn't. It's almost as if your body will do anything he says without question. Like he has some sort of power over it to just react however he wants. His eyes bore into yours and suddenly the cab doesn't seem so suffocating. "It's just you and me right now. We're not even on a ferris wheel." the corners of his mouth turn slowly upwards. You zone out the environment, suddenly too aware of him and how close he is and how loud the beating of your heart is to your own ears.

"Jungkook."

You swallow the knot in the back of your throat when he removes his hand from yours. It almost makes you protest, - now realizing you've losened the tight grip on his arm- , before it craddles your face, keeping you in place while bringing his body closer.

"You have to stop saying my name like that."

With his thigh touching your thigh, your whole demeanor melts. When he leans closer, and you feel his breath fanning over your lips, your eyes shut closed.

"Tell me I can-" he starts to say.

"Yes." you finish for him. He doesn't doubt on closing the distance between you two. His lips touch yours and your body shakes in excitement. It's just him lightly skimming your lips with his but it's already too much and at the same time, not enough. It has you deepening it, yourself moving closer when he kisses you again. It has you relaxing against him, the tenseness prior disappearing and making you arch your back when his tongue asks for permission.

But it's exactly then, the moment you open your lips to him, that has you losing your mind.

The sparks fly, traveling from your head to your toes and then settling on the pit of your stomach as soon as the kiss starts to turn desperate and rough. When he nibbles your lips with his teeth, it makes you mewl and whine and your nipples tight against the cotton of your dress. It makes the metal barbell to feel uncomfortable, slightly painful. And when he goes back to being messy and filthy with his tongue tangled with yours, your thighs close on their own.

He forces himself to pull his hand back and bring it down, finding the parting of yd opening them for him. "Wait," you say, your fingers wrapping around his forearm as you try to catch your breath."The ferris-" he shuts you up with another kiss.

"We're not on a ferris wheel." he reminds you, a soft whisper against your mouth. And for whatever reason, you believe him.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

"He fingered you on the ferris wheel."

"Yes."

"And you came before the ride was over."

You take a small sip of wine, your eyes focusing on the TV where a rerun of the Golden Girls is playing, although, to be fair, lately you haven't been able to pay much attention to anything else but a certain brunet with doe eyes and kisseable lips. "Yes."

She hums, stealing a handful of popcorn from the bowl between your thighs.

"How long did it took? Like five minutes?"

There's a pause in which you clench your jaw, your fingers twitching around the glass in your hand, and then you answer. "Probably less."

There's another pause, and then-

"Ha...Ha ha...Ha ha ha-"

You let her laugh. It's okay. You knew you had it coming.

Chaelin knows the pillow you throw right at her face is also something she had coming.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

It's not that you're mad.

Jungkook and you had a great time on that fair date, he made you laugh, bought hot dogs and drinks for the two of you and got you off inside the cab of a ferris wheel on record time with those magical, long fingers of his. Technically, there shouldn't be anything to be angry about.

Except it's been a week and you can't stop thinking about him, about wanting more, and about those words that he left you with after the ferris wheel ride ended, when you had tried to return the favor.

'Next time, maybe.'

And there hasn't been a next time.

The thought of texting him or giving him a call to ask for another date is persistent in your mind. It remains while you do the laundry or wash the dishes, while you shower, while you eat or while you spend your days at the beach with Chaelin. There's always the incessant desire to reach out towards your phone, unlock it and dial his number to beg for more.

But you'd never been one to beg, so you resist the urge everytime that feeling starts to creep up on you and it washes over you like a wave. You silence your phone and try to concentrate on making the most out of your summer.

It's one random night, when you're tiredly dragging your feet across Chaelin's apartment's carpet, yawning and ready to succumb to a well needed slumber, that you see your phone screen's lighting up with a message.

Your heart pathetically leaps inside your chest when you read his name.

'you free on saturday?'

You wish you could say you ghosted him, ignored his text and moved on with your life until it was him who begged you for another date. But the truth is you opened it in a matter of seconds and typed 'i'm free, why?' back in a rush with trembling fingers.

So now you're on the passanger seat of his car while he sits on the driver seat, the first saturday night of July, like he's Danny Zuko and you're Sandy Olsson, watching a vintage movie in a drive-in theater which plot you don't give a shit about, even if Jungkook's date plan idea made something inside of you churn with adoration.

And the only reason why you don't give a single damn about the movie playing in front of your eyes, is because you're hot. Way too hot. And the reason and cause is none other than the boy-now-turned-man sitting on your left.

You barely exchanged words when he picked you up, just rode in silence until you got to your destination and you bet he can feel as well as you do the tension in the air.

You've surveyed him a few times from the corner of his eye, noticing him fiddling with the rings around his fingers and shifting in his seat from time to time. And if the sight of his fingers bring memories that you've tried to bury to keep yourself from lunching towards him, a brief glance at his forearms, adorned with ink drawn through his golden flesh -doing a poor job at concieling the veins running underneath- and his skin-tight jeans wrapping those muscled thighs of his is enough to have you be the one squirming in your seat.

A woman can only endure so much, and you come to that realization thirty minutes into the movie.

"I want to suck your cock." you say, a stern expression on your face as you turn your body in his direction.

Jungkook frozes as your voice slides over him. It takes him a couple seconds to look at you, shock widening his eyes and parting his lips.

"Huh?" he manages, his grip on the steering wheel turning his knuckles white.

Without separating your gaze from his, you gather your hair and tie it in a ponytail with the hair tie previously around your wrist. You don't miss the quick glance he sneaks into the curvature of your neck and the valley between your breasts.

Inching forward, closing in on him, you place one of your hands on top of his thigh, the action making his whole body tense. "____..." he whispers your name in a warning that doesn't sound convincing even in his own ears.

You smile, your eyes never wavering from his as your hand inches upwards, slowly caressing over the fabric of his jeans until you finally come across what you were looking for.

His hand flies to your wrist, stilling your movements. "____, this is not-". He starts, but his voice gets stuck inside his throat when you palm his undoubtly growing erection.

"Shh." your shaky breath fans over his cheek and you force yourself on your knees on the passanger seat in a more comortable possition to stop the trembling to reach them.

You fumble with the belt holding his pants in place, then with the button and finally with the zipper. He helps you by lifting his hips to pull his jeans and boxers to his thighs and you have to bite back a mixture between a gasp and a moan at the sight below you. You haven't even seen Jeon Jungkook naked all the way, but the mere sight of his hard cock with pre-cum glistening on his crown is probably the sexiest thing you've ever had the pleasure of appreciating.

It gets sexier when you wrap your hand around the base and his body melts in the driver seat, throwing his head back with his eyes shut. It gets even sexier when you finally lower your head, swirling your tongue over the head before finally engulfing him fully in the wet warmth of your mouth.

"Shit." his voice is tight, uneven as his hand loosely grips your ponytail, as if careful not to accidentally hurt you and break the glorious moment.

Although you wouldn't mind at all. Because the moment your hands are on him, and your tongue is on his shaft, that's the only thing you care about. Your belly is twisting, an undeniable wet spot on your panties as the fabric sticks to your folds, and the more you suck Jungkook, the more you want from him. His earthy taste is addicting and the soft little whimpers he occasionally can't prevent himself from are making you want to milk him until he can't take it no more. There's this desire within you to whorship him and his cock like you had been dreaming for the past weeks.

"This is s-so fucking h-hot." he rasps between ragged breaths, the bobbing of your head, sliding up and down his dick as your hand works the centimeters your mouth can't take is about to make him faint.

"Getting a blowjob?" you joke, your throat starting to feel sore as you kiss his leaking tip.

"N-no." he draws in a rough breath when you take him all of him again. "You giving me a blowjob... T-the f-fact that anyone c-could see us..." he darts a quick glance at your body, your ass up in the air and your dress sliding down, almost exposing you completely. "The fact that-ah! Shit..." he squeezes his eyes when he feels a glob of your spit lubricating him.

There's a sudden need to make you feel the same, to touch your skin and have you shaking the same way you have him. So one of his hands travels from your spine, to your perked ass, finally dragging the cotton of your dress to allow himself to see your thin white panties. "The fact that anyone could see you l-like this," he murmurs, regaining a little bit of control when he squeezes one of your cheeks. "letting t-them see you s-sucking my cock and..." he smirks when he feels you gasping around him, his fingers trapped between your thighs and pushing them inside your heat easily "and letting them see me fingering this pretty little pussy."

Soon after that he's cumming in your mouth while you're cumming around his fingers.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

At first, it's mostly on weekends when you see each other. Weekends of stolen kisses and soft sighs and whispering against each other's lips. Then weekends turn to week days, sitting on grass while sipping on refreshing beverages, drawing each other laughs, elbows touching as you walk around the park side by side because the both of you are too scared to interwine your fingers together.

Jungkook feels content like this: sitting on the sand with you between his thighs, admiring the sunset while nuzzing your neck and inhaling your scent every now. He likes waching you enoying your strawberry ice cream, almost forgetting the chocolate chip one already melting in his hand.

"If you were an ice cream flavor,which one would you be?" you ask him, relaxing against his chest.

"Rocky road."

"Why?"

He shrugs behind you. "Everyone likes rocky road."

You hum, playfully rolling your eyes. "What about me? Which ice cream flavor would I be?"

"Lemon sherbet, in the summer."

"Lemon sherbet? Out of all of the flavours out there, you're rocky road and I'm lemon sherbet?"

"Lemon sherbet, in the summer." he corrects.

"Okay, fine. Why?"

"You're boring and basic."

You gasp, trying to feign outrage but not being able to repress the laugh that escapes your throat. You elbow him, his laugh mixing with yours while taking the time to wrap his arms around your form, the breeze blowing your hair allowing him a spot between your neck and your shoulder. "You're boring and basic, but once you have a taste..." he presses a small kiss on your skin, causing the tiny hairs on the nape of your neck to rise. "Once you have a taste, specially on the hottest day in the middle of summer, you can't stop tasting and licking until there's no more lemon sherbet left."

You suck in on a breath when he craddles your jaw to face him. "It's been my favourite flavor since I was a kid." he kisses you immediately after, his lips swallowing the small whimper now stuck in your throat.

You close your eyes as his tongue opens your mouth, arousal blasting your insides and something much, much deeper that you fear to even name shredding your chest.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

The beginning of august comes faster then you two realize, but what you both do realize is how hard it's becoming to stay away from each other.

It's been thirty days of dates happening almost everyday, sharing high school memories and anecdotes of the time you spent away from each other. Hours of getting to know each other and opening up to each other. From failed relationships to new friendships. Of park dates walking side by side and fingers now interwined because you both realized one day that, fuck it.

It's difficult to sleep when you realize you're starting to catch serious feelings for somebody who was just supposed to be a fling. It's hard to sleep when his face, his voice and his touch and thoughts of missing him when you don't see each other start haunting you at night.

It's hard for Jungkook to focus on work when you're everything that's occupying his mind. Because he has a hundred sketches to make but he's too busy thinking about the hundred different sketches he would make of you.

It's hard not to send him a goodnight text, just like it's hard for him not to reply in a matter of seconds, almost as if he was already waiting to recieve it.

Jungkook thinks of you at night. Of how pretty and absolutely perfect you are for him. Of the taste of your lips, the way your hair feels between his fingers, or the flush on your cheeks when he makes you cum as droplets of sweat accumulate between your breasts. He thinks about your voice. He also thinks about the amount of hours left to be able to listen to it again.

But mostly he thinks about how ridiculous this situation is. Because he was stupidly crushing on you when you were only teenagers, daydreaming about a chance with you. And now his crush is long gone and he's starting to realize that he's falling, and falling fast.

You, too, think of Jungkook at night. Of his ability to bring a smile out of you, to soothe you with just a few words and filling your belly excitement, happiness and feelings you're sure you've never felt before.

Jungkook's managed to imprint himself in your dreams, and you, in his.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

Getting drunk with Jungkook is fun and messy.

It's fun because he lets loose, he stutters a lot like he used to do when he was a teenager and he makes you laugh louder than ever before. It's messy because he has no control over his hands as they explore your body, clumsily taking your clothes off as his mouth laps at the breast he's allowed to touch.

He's more forceful and dominating too, pinning your hands above your head, and commanding you to keep them right there, on the pillows of his bed. When you rebel against it, your fingers finding the hard planes of his chest, he pulls away from you and places them back where he left them. "Don't make me tie you up." he threatens, and your body shudders beneath him.

He sucks, and bites and leaves marks all over your skin, grunting in response to your moans. Creating a path of kisses from your lips to your stomach, his shoulders separating your knees, opening you up only for him. And thankfully, when you reach down to tug at the strands of hair framing his face, he lets you, because he knows you need something to hold on to the moment his tongue eats you up. He leaves his fingertrips on your thighs as he keeps you in place, not allowing you to runaway. Just forcing you to take it as he takes from you.

And when you cum, he doesn't back away. He keeps sucking, and licking and punishing you with his mouth until you're cumming over and ove again, screaming and begging for his cock.

Having Jungkook over you, both completely naked, skin to skin and only sweat in between is more than you could've ever fantazised about. He slurls your name when he puts the condom on. He would do anything to feel you raw, but he also knows he wouldn't be able to last a minute. The sight of you spread open, with your cheeks darkened by a crimson blush and your hair tangled all over his pillow is a picture he wants to keep forever.

He enters you when you call his name, your voice dripping with need. He stretches your warm and wet felsh, slowly easing himself into you at first, until he's fully inside and your bodies are completely in union. A shiver runs down Jungkook's spine when he looks at your contorted face in pleasure, your lips forming an 'O' and your pussy clenching around him.

"Oh, my God." you moan into the dark of Jungkook's room, and even then, he can clearly appreciate every curve of your body lifting off the mattress to connect with his. He lowers himself on his elbows on either side of your head, caging you in and capturing your mouth with his.

"I know, baby." he murmurs. It's hot, in the middle of August but suddenly Jungkook doesn't hate summer as much as he used to. Not with you sharing the heat with him. "It's way beyond what I could ever imagine." You nod hurriedly against his lips, your arms finding their way around his neck as he starts rocking in and out of you.

"It's too good." you cry, when he hits a particular spot that has you rolling your eyes in bliss and gripping his waist tighter with your legs against you. Your fingers thread through his hair, not bothered by the beads of sweat gathered on the nape of his neck.

"Too good..." he agrees, not missing the shiver that's shaking your own frame when he picks up his speed. "You have no idea what I would do t-to fucking feel you with n-no barriers between us," his movements become frantic as his hips slap against yours, his jaw clenched as he keeps talking, "to s-stuff you full of my c-cum over and over again until it won't stop d-dripping."

Jungkook's voice against your ear has you trembling and your orgasm nearing closer, your nails scratching down his back as his thrusts overpower your form. "Would you like that?" he asks with his voice strangled.

"Y-yes. Anything y-you want."

"You'd take all of my cum like a good cum-slut?"

You hate the fact that that's what makes you come undone. The twisting and knotting in the pit of your stomach finally snapping until you're holding on to him like you never want to let him go and he's following soon after.

Because if Guk, Gukkie, Jengukkie was not only able to make you come in less than a few minutes with his fingers or his tongue, but he was also able to make you cum instantly just by calling you a good cum-slut, that means you're fucked. Like, really, really fucked.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

There's a knot in Jungkook's stomach and a suffocating grip around his vocal chords as he caresses your skin. The sun is rising in the distance with the first rays of light entering his room through the window. Your shamphoo is intoxicating him, numbing him and enticing him to bury his nose in the tangled curls pressing against his chest. Your arm is thrown across his stomach, your breathing leavig goosebumps all over his body.

"It's too early. Go back to sleep." you mumble against his heart. He wonders if you can feel it dangerously speeding up.

"I can't." he says, voice struggling to stay balanced. "I have to tell you something."

You hum in response, sleep still interwined with your body, your arm tightening around him. You sigh in content, expecting him to elaborate.

He wets his suddenly dry lips. "I don't want this to end. In fact, ____.... I want more. Need more."

"Jungkook..." your whole body goes rigid right away, untanglling your bodies from each other and sitting up on the mattress.

"No, listen to me." he mimicks your movements, rapidly grabbing your hands to make you look at him. His eyes are expressive, a mixture of fear and hope swirling in his dark irises. "I wake up everyday, and you're the first thing I think of. I go on about my day, and I keep thinking about you, wondering what you're doing and counting down the hours until I get to see you again. I spend every night dreaming about you, and when we'e together, the only thing I can think about is how I wish I could stop time so I don't have to say bye to you the next morning. ____, I-"

"Jungkook, stop please." you shake your head, pushing away from him and in desperate need of air. You press a hand against your chest, beating back the throb of pain while the other curls in a tight fist, the feeling of your fingernails digging into your palm less painful than the ache inside your heart. "This... This wasn't supossed to happen, Jungkook." you start pacing around the room, as if trying to find an exit while avoiding his gaze. "This was just a summer fling. That's all it was, I'm supposed to come back to the city in two weeks and-"

"A summer fling?" a sardonic sneer comes out of him. "Oh my God, I can't believe this is happening again..." he mumbles to himself before rising from the bed. You stop immediately, a shiver quaking through you as his impressive frame intimidates His eyebrows are drawn together and his dark eyes are void of any prior emotion. "You're going back to the city in two weeks? And you didn't care to tell me until now, after I just spilled my guts to you?"

You eyes fill up with uncomfortable tears, reaching one arm towards him. "Jung-"

He flinches, taking one step back. "A summer fling is all I mean to you?"

"Ju- "

"Look me in the eyes, right now, and tell me that's all I mean to you. A summer fling." panic crawls up your throat. There's the need within you to confirm, to stare into his beautiful and stern eyes and tell him that, yes, that's all he is to you. But you've never been a good liar. So nothing comes out. You opt for wrapping your ams around yourself wishing they were his and lowering your eyes to the ground. "I think... I think you should leave."

Those are the last words he says to you, and the last thing you see when you turn around one more time after gathering your clothes, is his back as he looks out the window.

You allow yourself to cry the exact moment you step into Chaelin's apartment. Your friend is sitting on the couch, bowl of cereal in hand and a fresh cup of coffee sitting on the livingroom's table.

"Hey, you're early tod- Baby, what's wrong?"

"Please, don't laugh."

That morning, you lay down for hours on the couch with your head on Chaelin's lap while she softly brushes your hair as you cry, hiccup, fight through the pain in your heart and relate to her as best as you can the latest events.

She doesn't laugh at all.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

"She'll come back." Mijoo's slurred words do nothing to put Jungkook's state at ease that night. He simply shrugs, fingers clenching at his sides, frowing into his drink before gulping down the bitter taste of vodka in one shot. "Seriously, I think she's just afraid. My ex was the same."

"Comparing her to your ex is not the analogy you think it is."

"Ugh, shut up. Things didn't work with my ex because she was a bitch." Jungkook gives Mijoo a pointed look which she responds to by rolling her eyes and sipping on her rum coke. "Your girl is not a bitch. She used to be a bitch. What she did this morning was bitchy, but, like I said, she's just being a pussy. If she only wanted sex with you, she wouldn't have been doing couple stuff with you the entire summer."

"Whatever. I don't care." he lies and Mijoo knows he's lying but decides to drop the subject fo now.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

"We can't keep spending our days smoking weed." Chaelin speaks over Blanche's voice on the TV.

"I know. I'm just sad."

"You have to come back and tell him how you feel."

"I know."

There's a beat of silence before your friend kicks your thigh with her feet.

"I know and I will." you mumble through red eyes and smoke clouds.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

It's September first and it doesn't feel like Jungkook's birthday at all. He's been trying to focus on his work, alternating between isolating in full hermit mode and hanging out with friends to drink away his sorrow. The days have gone by and before he could realize it, he woke up today with over twenty text messages wishing him a happy day and a throbbing hangover.

He dresses up on autopilot. First a cotton shirt, then a pair of jeans and lastly, his Nike's. He doesn't bother tying his sneakers just like he doesn't bother taking a shower. He smokes a cigarette for breakfast, the death stick making him feel nauseaus on an empty stomach. And then he goes to work.

He's been repeating the same routing for the past weeks and he's not thinking of changing it, not even on his bithday.

He spends hours drawing, tattooing and drawing some more between yawns. He ignores texts an phone calls and simply waits until the day is over to go home, go to bed and forget about the fact that you're probably on your way to the city and that he hasn't crossed your mind not even once.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

Inkphoria.

You've been standing outside the shop re-reading the word for fifteen minutes, although it definitely feels like it has been longer. You're gripping cup of ice cream as it melts down your fingers the more you wait. The shop is already empty and it's starting to darken out side, and still you're so hot. Your shorts are heavy and your tank top is sticking to your skin. You didn't even bother to put on any make, although your eyebags definitely needed some concieling and your lashes some dimension to hide the fact that you'd been crying for the last few days.

'You're crazy about him.'

Chaelin's voice echoes inside your head.

You've lost count of how many times your best friend has given your advice, or simply encouraged you to do something you've been too scared to try.

'And he's cazy about you too.'

Chaelin might be wrong about marmite and the movie Cats, but she's definitely now wrong about anything regarding your and Jungkook.

That's it. You briefly close your eyes, inhale a deep breath then release it slowly. You start walking. It doesn't take longer than three strides and you're pushing the door open.

The tattoed blonde looks up from the counter the second you come into view. She smiles at the distance between you two. "You can come closer. I won't bite."

You clear your throat, stalking closer to her. "Is he-"

"He's in the back." she replies before you can finish you question. You close your mouth, clear your throat and nod your head.

"Thanks, Mijoo." she gives you a small wink, her smile easing your nerves like she had three months ago.

She watches you disappear. She shakes he head, her smile meeting her eyes. "I told him so."

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

Jungkook ignores the knock on his door at first. It's almost ten and the parlor is about to close. He just has to finish this last fucking sketch so he can grab his shit and go the fuck ho-

Knock knock.

He growls, exhasperation cursing through him. He runs a hand through his messy pile of hair, his rings tangling between the strands, making him wince in pain. "Come in." he grunts under his breath. The door opens. "Mijoo, I really have to finish-"

He stops dead in his tracks as soon as he sees you.

"Hey." you say after a moment of hesitation.

"Hey." he replies and although there's something inside, deep in his chest, shouting at him to stand up, run up to you and kiss your face while he tells you how beautiful you look right now and how happy he is to see that you're still here, he decides against it. "Listen, ____, I'm pretty busy-"

"No, you listen to me." you cut him off abruptly. He looks taken aback and is already opening his mouth to say something, but you're not having it. "Please, just... Let me talk."

Silence looms between the two of you for a while, a staring contest defying each other to back down. When you take one step inside and close the door behind you, he sighs and leans back against his chair.

You move towards him slowly, your lip caught between your lip going through your mind for the speech you'd been preparing the last few days. Your hands are sticky due to the the sugary treat liquifying in your hand. "I know there's no reason you should give me another chance after rejecting you in high school, and there's definitely no reason why you should forgive me for the way I shut you out a few weeks ago. You've been confessing your feelings to me since we were teenagers, and now it's my turn to tell you exactly how I feel about you."

"Jungkook, the truth is... I like you so much. I like you more than I've ever liked anyone. Ever. I said this was just a summer fling, and I was lying. I was lying because there's no way a simple summer fling could make me feel the way you do. There's no way a simple summer fling could make me want not just summer with you, but also fall and winter, and spring and every summer that comes next."

You hadn't realize when your eyes filling up with tears until the sight of him starts blurrying in front of you. His fingers reach yours, his thumb comforting on your skin. "____, it's okay-"

"I'm not done yet." you sniffle, gathering enough courage to continue. "I brought you a lemon sherbet because you said it was your favourite. But you also implied I was your favourite, and I want to keep being you favourite, but now it's already melted and-"

The corners of Jungkook's lips start pulling upward as he tugs you towards him, his heart loudly jumping inside his chest. "Shhh, come here."

He takes the ice cream from your hand and places it on his desk. Then he's helping you onto his lap, your head tucked under his chin and your arms wapping on their own around his neck.

He doesn't care about your sticky fingers or the wet stains of your tears in his shirt. The only thing he cares about is the fact that you're right there, letting him engulf your frame and drown in the scent and warmth he'd misses so much.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

The first day of June has Jungkook sweating and wishing for a haircut. Jungkook usually hates summer. He hates the fact that he has to shower at least twice a day, and the fact that the heat is almost unbearable to sleep in and also the fact that he's easily sunburnt.

This year, however, Jungkook likes summer a little bit more.

"Excuse me, miss. Do you have an appointment?" it's the fact that you're starting to wear those summer dresses he loves so much, and the fact that your skin glows under the sun like glitter, and also the fact that he can lick ice cream off of it whenever he desires.

"I am the appointment." your giggle is almost childlike, playing with Jungkook's heart strings. You shut the door behind you, nearing him. You also seem to always have that flush on your cheeks. Although he likes to think part of it is due to him. He doesn't say anything else as he puts his pencil down and instead turns around in the chair to have you immediately on top of his thighs.

Yeah, he also likes the path your lips trace from his cheek, to his jaw, ending at the juncture between his neck and his shoulder. It still makes his body quaver to this day.

"Let me see." he murmurs against you forhear, his hand already working on unbottoning the front of your dress.

"Mijoo hasn't left yet." you whisper back, your smile impossible to supress and the faint whimper impossible to hide when his fingers expose your breast and tug at the titanium barbell adorning the already hardened nub.

Jungkook loves knowing he was the one to do that, and also the only one to play with it. He doesn't hesitate when he dips his head. "As if we'd ever cared about that." he adds, wrapping your sole point in his mouth.

He fucks you on his studio table with your legs around his waist and his tongue playing with both your breasts, the tattoo sketches long forgotten, scattered on the floor as he whispers against your flesh something that sounds a lot like 'I love you'.

[whorror-barbie]

Clean my wounds(Lloyd Hansen x bimbo! Reader)

Summary: after a fight, Lloyd calls you up for some healing

Warning: rough sex, degradation, blow job, humiliation, he's more mean than angry really, name-calling, bimbofication, dub-con possibly. this fic is 18+, so you better be 18 or older.

A/n: I'm alittle nervous about writing him. I tried, but anyways I hope y'all still like it, Enjoy !:)

Btw this is just pure smut, there isn't much of a storyline, I just want him and I'm down bad 😅😭

p.s. sorry it took so long, my personal life got in the way and I was overthinking this fic tbh...,anyways I'm going to post it, don't expect me to be Shakespeare or whatever lol

my masterlist

It's pretty late at night and you are spending time at Lloyd's mansion. the two of you are in his massive bedroom, laying down while watching a movie together "I'll nurse you back to health, and then I'll kiss your wounds all better!" you giggle playfully as you putting rubbing alcohol on a cotton swab, preparing to put it on his left bicep. "I'll Just put it right here..."

"ow, ow fucking shit! " Lloyd grunts through his teeth."Oh sorry, Hun.. I'm almost done," you tell him softly as you finish up, looking at him with caution." hey umm, is everything ok, babes? You just seem off" You ask with worry, but soon regret it immediately. He takes his attention off the movie to look at you with his dead cold eyes and you swallow the remainder of your spit out of nervousness." I lost a fight to a Ken doll with an 8-dollar haircut... I'd say I'm quite dandy" he responded with sarcasm.

You tilt your head in confusion "how is that possible? is ken actually real?" you ask him seriously, Lloyd trying to keep his cool by clenching his jaw "oh, well its a good thing you called me, I'm a nurse after all." you continue in a bubbly tone while cleaning his wounds, "I don't think role-playing as a nurse for your onlyfans counts, sweetheart" you look at him with worried eyes "is that part of the job description? Because I don't remember that...oh no"you think about it but then your face turns back into confusion "wait.. whats an onlyfans? is that a place where they only sell fans? I could use a good fan in my bedroom!''all of sudden you feel him grab your face with a good amount of pressure, and It makes you wince."I'm getting tired of hearing you talk" his deep voice makes your body tingle.

"I should have called up Rachel, she's definitely miles prettier than you and she actually knows how to suck dick" your face slowly changes into sadness as tears threaten to fall. you're not sure why he's being so heartless when all you ever do is be there for him. Lloyd starts to smirk with the movement of his mustache, he feels himself getting painfully harder while looking into your pretty eyes in despair.

"you know what? Maybe I should call her now, and kick your ass to the curb...sounds like a good idea to me" He says with a mischievous deep tone. "No, no, please don't. I'm your desperate ugly whore.. I need you, Lloyd" you start sobbing more, and he looks at you with amusement "oh you are? I mean you're not wrong" He taunts you then continues"well, your body is better" his eyes scan your curves in lust "and that pussy is way tighter, so you're in luck this time" he finally lets go of your face with a hum of approval. You look over to see how rock hard he is in the blanket, and it makes your pussy squeeze on nothing. "so how about you suck me off and let daddy finish watching this movie in peace, ok"

You nod in agreement, wiping your tears away then scoot your body onto him, lowering yourself as you analyze his shirtless form down to his gifted boner. You start pulling his boxers down slowly until his big dick boing out, almost hitting you in the face. you go cross-eyed trying to focus on it with your tongue out. " You look so fucking stupid and adorable... now Get to it" he demands with a wink while flexing his dick.

You start to do kitten licks then wrap your mouth around just the tip to suck on it. Lloyd is visibly annoyed while looking at the movie though you don't pick up on it. you start to only suck up and down on just the tip, he's just way too big for your mouth, but you're not very good at giving head in the first place" umm..I'm not sure what I'm-" Lloyd grabs a good amount of your hair to make you deep throat his dick. You're struggling to keep up as you gag and choke while He's using your throat to jerk himself off.

"Ah fuck.." he sighs out in pleasure, trying to focus on the tv. Tears start to stream down once again, trying to keep up with bobbing your head up and down repeatedly against his pelvis with the sounds of your muted moans and saliva. you're soaking up your thong as he's treating you like a sex object, you need him inside your greedy, and ready pussy so bad. "you're enjoying this, aren't you? disgusting" he teases as he pulls you out of your mouth to slap your face with it while looking up at him with puppy eyes. "Mmm.. lay on your back for me" he demands.

"but what about your injuries?'' you ask him with genuine concern, though Lloyd wasn't having any of that, he pushes down in position and starts to tear off your expensive lingerie as you lay there helpless whelping"shut the fuck up or I'll definitely give you a real reason to cry, princess ". He threatens with a unnerving smile as you feel chill throughout your body, his threats are definitely turning you on. laying in position, you feel very nervous under his gaze. It's been so long since you've had sex, you've been waiting for him this whole time to call you back. Lloyd hovers over while he rubs his tip onto your wet folds until it reaches your hole.

"Oh my god.." you bite your lip and close your eyes to prepare for the pain, he starts to push the tip inside you slowly, making you moan out then immediately you shut your legs on his waist. " Aww, what's matter?you can't even take the tip?"he taunts you, playing with one of your boobs "oh well, that's just too bad" he opens your legs wider to sheath the rest of himself inside your pussy, and he breaths out at how tight you are. "Oh, fuck!" You moan as he's thrusting in and out faster, not giving you a chance to really adjust to him.

You get a good view of him and how some of his hair dangles from his face while he's completely naked over you, giving your poor walls a violent beating "ah yeah" he grunts softly, still looking down at your pussy taking his thick dick, going in and out of you, feeling your walls getting tighter and tighter. Lloyd finally looks at you and your tits bounce with every thrust then smirks, you squeeze on him in reaction. " Ah, I can be in this all night.. best fucking pussy..I might even buy that stupid pink purse you keep begging for earlier" he laughs, slowing down a little bit. Your eyes lit up " oh? Really, babes I would love that soooooooo much." you whine while you cum so hard, but he gets mad, pulling out to manhandle you on all fours" ow, hey!...that hurts, you big meanie!" you yell at him. he pushes your face further into the bed and your ass up so high while giving you a very hard slap on your ass "ow!".

he bends to whisper in your ear ''I'm so tired of your squeaky fucking voice, just moan for me, you ugly bitch" you whimper at his words of cruelty. he gets into position behind you, grabbing your hips firmly. feeling his dick inching back in until he's fully inside. "Ooooo yes! " You moan out like a ditzy whore as he's now picking up speed already, all you can hear is pornographic loud skin slapping, your own moans, and his grunting in-between. Meanwhile, Lloyd is getting a great view of your ass bouncing against him, creating waves." That's right, just like that," he says in between breaths while feeling you clench around his dick more.

"oh my fuck, my pussy feels good right now." you turn your head to the side to see his face contorts into pleasure then He pushes your face into the bed, "this pussy is mine, not yours, you dumbfuck" he spanks your ass and squeezes your cheeks as his dick going in and out once more with such hate. "I'm almost there, whore... get ready to be sprayed with my cum all over your face," he announces while still not slowing down. hearing your pathetic moans and whimpers is driving him crazy, he wants to inside of your tight channel but he pulls out anyways. You pout at the emptiness of your walls, missing him already. " turn around and say ah!'' you do as you're told, and look up, watching him beating himself off. "aaaaaah! I'm your cum dump!" you say happily with your closed eyes now" yes you are.....fuck!" Lloyd grunts loudly as you feel the warmth of his cum on your face dripping down to your boobs. you swallow most of his load that sits on your tongue. " mmm yummy" you giggle flirtatiously.

Lloyd grabs his boxers to put them back on while he stares at you. "well, time for you to go, sweetheart" you look at him with confusion then it gets replaced with sadness, realizing you're not going to stay and cuddle with him all night. "I'm pretty tired. I have a busy day tomorrow...places to be, women to fuck" he taunts with his deep sexy voice. why is he such an asshole? "but I got here by uber, sir" you tell him with a soft, and defeated voice. " well, that's not my fucking problem" he shrugs as he gets back in bed to continue watching the movie " bye, bye now" he tells you cheerfully, and your anger builds up. you get up from the bed to grab your purse and coat. putting on your coat then start walking to the door. " oh and by the way" you turn to look at him,hearing what he has to say "we have dinner reservations next Friday, I want to discuss some stuff with you, so be ready" he demands still looking at the tv with remote to his mouth. you nod and open the door, leaving the room.

walking down the hallway, you feel your face start to smile with tears. you're screaming happily inside, finally a date! though what does he want to talk about exactly? you're not really sure, but you're just glad to spend more time with him instead of waiting another two months again. at the end of the day, you're his and that's all that matters.

[goobiegoobert]

Could I ask for the Glamrock band confessing to their crush...'s twin by mistake?

Just like you?

_______________

A/N: I love this idea so much and for no fucking reason??? It's just muah perfection a brilliantly silly idea

Warnings: None! Maybe just a little bit of identity issues so be careful just in case!

[ GN reader ]

_______________

Glamrock Freddy

This was his moment, puffing out a bit being told by others that taking time to yourself and deep breaths helped, couldn't say he understood it perfectly but with each pretending breath it did feel quite silly. Maybe that was the trick? Feeling absolutely silly until all your nerves went away!

It didn't really make things much better, though what did help was having a good old conversation with a buddy! Chica understood to a specific degree of his nerves but ended with a shrug and pats on the back pushing Fazbear out the dressing room with words of encouragement.

❝ Go get 'em, Faz! ❞

It took a good while but he did find you! Circuits start to fry and warm them beyond recommended safety features, placing their paw on your shoulder giving it a warm shake and hesitant chuckle. You seemed so, surprised and confused.. Chica had already gotten to you huh? So stumbling over his words with garbled buzzes from their talk box making it hard to decipher until muttering out a very defeated 'Do you love me too?' Only to be pushed away with shock and anger on your face until.. Oh no, in all the words of Fazfuck dictionary could the one Freddy Fazbear tell he fucked up. This wasn't you huh? Each way the twist of disgust didn't feel right, your noose didn't scrunch up how it usually did and the eyes seemed differently colored too.

➤ Let's just say that he instantly began to apologize and ask who this person was! ➤ If they didn't respond at first he'd start trying to correct things in a soft voice about how he was looking for Y/N L/N, and thoroughly apologizing nearly a thousand times over to this person ➤ After initial shock and disgust from your twin, it morphed into them laughing at the damn bear nearly choking on themselves and using the animatronic as support ➤ Freddy could absolutely just collapse here and now, wouldn't even mind his case being slapped on a new endoskeleton and getting scrapped ➤ Teasing ensued from this look-alike, taking their sweet fucking time to milk this ➤ Letting time pass and finally allowing their hurting stomach to ease up from the constant pressure until mentioning something about you to him ➤ Freddy was zoned out for a good bit until leaning down and allowing your twin to whisper some funny little findings to him, which in the case at point raised Fazbears confidence in managing to land a yes from you skyrocketed ➤ Good luck !!

Monty Gator

No. ➤ I have to be real with you guys, Monty wouldn't be fooled, king absolutely knows which one is which like fucking Haruhi from OHSHC. ➤ I feel maybe once he fucked up and got his shit wrecked by your twin bc he went in to give you a smooch on the top of your head from behind ➤ Thinks having a twin is neat and will confuse the rest of his band with his games from this ➤ As well to this he totally befriends your twin simply for the fact it's funny as fuck to em

Roxanne Wolf

Wouldn't fail their confession but! ➤ Roxanne is here for you tbh, has managed to figure you out fair and square ➤ Sill can slip up between you two but still can and will fuck up ➤ Instantly apologizes and when you're around expresses all her guilt by hugging you and promising she'll never do it again ➤ Still happens but every time is so awful for her, it's almost as if she's betraying you ➤ mostly confuses you two if she sees one of you from behind ➤ gotten pretty good at telling apart the front!!

Glamrock Chica

It had been almost an hour of you two performing karaoke during the time of Chica surprisingly not being too busy for once, surely this was the moment!

You paused and asked to take a break to use the restroom before sprinting off and leaving the chicken to her own devices whilst thinking about how to pull this off now or never right? At least Chica believed this confession to be a do or die, a real rockstar moment. So once she'd seen you pass by the window and rearrive knocking onto the greenroom door she'd open happily simply awestruck and pick you up placing pecks all over you carrying you into the room.

Only to realize you were banging your fists on her chest and squirming about with a scowl on your face, huh weird. So putting you down with a tilted expression, gears within turning about processing why you seemed so upset.. usually excited about being smothered in her affection what happened!

➤ It took you walking back into the room to be super confused ➤ literally looked back and forth between the two of you multiple times before placing your twin down and moving to pick you up and study you ➤ Man chica feels really bad now :( ➤ Literally apologizes to your sibling and to you before just picking up where she left off to continue professing how much she really loves ya! ➤ Not the most hung up one about it but instead finds it funny that their first attempt at confessing to you was met with a practice dummy look alike ➤ Has a hard time understanding the concept of twins but overall such a sweet girlfriend about it 10/10

[whenfatecollides]

a bit of a vent/update (it’s heavy). I’ve always dreaded the ‘where do you see yourself in 5 years?’ question because I honestly have never been able to picture anything for myself that felt real and tangible and something that I could actually want and achieve in the future. I would be like ‘yeah I want to be dating my future girlfriend by then’ or ‘yeah I want to be working a job that I actually like’ or ‘yeah I want to feel like I’m doing something meaningful with my life by then’ but it was all very superficial in a way, it felt like I was saying rehearsed words and although those are still things that I want, there’s a lot more detail to them now. tbh since I finished high school (almost 10 years ago at this point..) that I’ve felt really behind in life compared to my friends, and other people in general, but at the same time it took me 14/15 years to actually figure out what happened to me when I was a pre-teen and why I spent 10+ years of my life crippled by depression, so all things considered I think I came out of all that pretty okay. I started therapy about 5 years ago and altho it was a slow progress, I can at least say that I’m not on the verge of feeling suicidal anymore. I think being a teen on tumblr in 2010-2013 definitely didn’t help much with that either, the romanticisation of depression and self harm back then was Real and the last thing I should have been exposed to at the time. it was to the point that I actually tried to kill myself when I was 16, right before a family trip. I can talk about this now, but I can tell you all as well, this was a root of deep shame for me until 2020, when I finally had the courage to tell my mom and siblings about it, because it made me feel so ungrateful, stupid and generally a shit person for not appreciating everything good that I had, while at the same time it made me hate myself for not actually going through it fully, to the point that I always thought that I would take this to my grave without letting anyone know. at this point, I’ve forgiven myself for it and acknowledged that, despite how hurtful it was, this is a common pain and, unfortunately, many people know it too. No matter how much I convinced myself of it back then, I was never alone in that pain. At the same time I made really great friends here (some I’ve been friends with for over 10 years now), even met some of them in real life, and it was overall the place that made me feel comfortable enough to consider (and accept) that maybe I wasn’t straight. so not everything was bad.

it was a few weeks into 2022 when I finally figured out what had happened to me, why most of who I was so deeply lost in shame, to the point that it felt like I had been drowning most of my life. there were several things that contributed to it like, giving up who I was out of pressure to please my family (until I was around 23 - constantly hearing ‘you should let your hair grow’, ‘you should dress more like a girl’ etc etc when you’re a 10 year old really does a number), giving up the things I loved in order to pass as “normal”, my father not being emotionally available (or simply available in general tbh - unfortunately too common as well), my mom having to take care of 4 kids and therefore not really being emotionally available either, dealing with womanhood, puberty and all those nice, not at all confusing and hard, things by myself because I thought that if I could just ignore it it would not be real (a nice not at all dumb trait I got from my father - thankfully I’m over that), consequently emotionally abandoning my closest friends bc of all that further isolating myself. and I could go on and on, but the reason why I’m saying all this is that maybe it can spark a light in someone else too. Until this year, I thought that nothing had happened to me, that I had no reason to feel the way I did back then, and it was suffocating to think that while the pain I felt was very real. and you may ask ‘okay, where does shame come into the picture here?’ so here’s a few that I could identify from the things I said above - shame for my sexuality (giving up things I loved to pass as “normal”), shame for being gender non conforming (pressure to please my family), shame for not feeling connected with my parents (having friends who do have good relationships with theirs), shame for not having the life they expect of me, shame for not having the life I think I’m supposed to have to “impress” my friends, therefore hiding away, isolating myself, further convincing myself that no one else was going through the same. until I realised that, of course, I would never find other people talking about how they felt the same, because we were all hiding away.

this isn’t a story about how suddenly I’m cured from depression or anything like that, there’s still days and days, but figuring out why I felt the way I did back then was a major step towards finding healing, and I feel like I’ve been changing very rapidly over the past 5 months because of it. recognizing that my self-criticism was doing more harm than good (I wouldn’t talk to my friends the same way I talk to myself sometimes..), that I can choose self-compassion instead, and the good-old exercising, journaling, reading, eating and sleeping well, really made major differences (as well as keep going to therapy of course, it was important to have someone trained to talk about the really heavy and more complicated stuff).

in the end, this has been a journey towards (re)finding myself, and I finally have an answer to the question that I found so dreadful ‘where do you see yourself in 5 years?’. and for the first time in my life, I’m not afraid to try, I’m not afraid to fail, I’m not afraid of the set backs I may face. for the first time in my life, I can actually picture a future for myself, and I’m actually excited to see myself getting there. I don’t have it all figured out, but I do know that I’m persistent. in the end, I think this is also a bit of a letter to everyone who’s lost in life, I’m currently 27 and I’m now figuring out a path that I might actually enjoy to take and that makes sense to me. If you’re like me, you probably also feel like you’ve run out of time and that there’s no way you can still turn your life around, but to be honest, who really knows how much time we have left? You make a little bit of time now, and deal with tomorrow, 3 months, 5 years from now, when it comes. I have no idea what turns life will still take and where I’ll end up after all, but I do know that recognizing my pain, owning up to the shameful feelings I had (and still have), accepting my feelings and thoughts as they are (failing a lot and trying again), definitely took me from a drowning person to a vivid swimmer. I’ve always liked to share my thoughts here, but recently having the number of followers increase on this blog has made it feel quite... intimidating to share pieces of my life like before. still, this was something I felt was important for me to share, even if just to say, feeling lost and behind in life is a normal part of the human experience.

[tommydarlings]

I Can't Help Falling In Love With You | t.h

A/N: Okay, wow. Tbh, I'm really proud of this and I hope you like it as much as I do! :) (when this flops, then I'm gonna slide down the suislide :D) anyway, enjoy! :) ily,liz <3

pairing: mob!tom x mob!reader

warnings: smut (fem + male receiving) swearing, unprotected sex, daddy-kink, blowjob, choking, violent actions

w/c: 5.1k (omg)

Requests: CLOSED

Summary: The leader of the London Mafia is the devil in person and you would do everything you can to end him, wouldn't you?

masterlist || taglist || requests ( in my masterlist)

"I'm not gonna talk to him father!" I yelled at my dad.

"Why?! It's strictly about business anyway!" he yelled back at me. "I'm sorry father, but I'm not gonna talk to the devil in disguise" i said in a slightly calmer voice. "It's just for a few minutes and it's strictly about the mob, okay? He won't hurt you or something" my dad answerd. After a while of thinking about it, I agreed.

"Just for a few minutes and not more" i said quietly.

"yes, thank you y/n" i just nodded with my head before I made my way into the huge conference room where the devil should be.

I hate this man. I could kill him. The problem is… he could kill me too… in seconds.

Thomas Stanley motherfucking Holland.

And now I should go to him and try to make a deal with him, that's gonna be fun. Probably we can't even start to talk about the deal because we're just gonna argue. Like usual.

I opened the door and didn't even looked up to look if he was here yet-

"Well hello darling"

Fuck.

"Hello Thomas" I said with a fake smile.

"I already told that you can call me Tom babygirl" he said.

"And I already told you that you should stop calling me these nicknames because I don't like them" I told him. "Well guess what baby, I don't give a single shit about it" he said with a wide smile.

I just scoffed and shook my head before I sat down on one of the chairs in the room. Tom sat down on the chair at the exact opposite of me.

"So, let's talk about the deal, okay?"

"Okay" Tom nodded.

---

1 week later, after we finally finished the deal, I could relax and went into the library in our mansion. Most of the time I don't even have time to read, but when I got time then I use it and read a few pages of my favorite books. It's something that kinda brings me back into the real world and calms me down quickly. So I don't want to get disturbed.

But of course something- no, someone had to disturb me.

"Hello darling" thomas said as he entered the library with both of his hands in the pockets of his black coat.

"What do you want Holland" I spat back angrily.

"Honestly? You"

I was frozen for a second. It's not that I like him or anything, like i already said, I absolutely hate this man, but he is attractive, i can't deny that. No women can deny that.

"Cat caught your tongue babydoll?" he whispered quietly in my ear from behind. Of course I had to stay infront of the bookshelf with my back to him right now.

"Hmm?" he said in my ear again while I was still pretty frozen.

"get the fuck out of my way Tom" I said with a slightly nervous voice. Suddenly he put both of his arms on my shoulders and slowly traced his fingertips down my arms. I literally started to shiver as he said that,

"pretty little thing" he whisper right in my ear and left a gently peck on the side of my neck. Then he put both of his hands in mine and slowly rubbed this thumb over my hand.

And I let him. I fucking let him.

"I know that you like it baby, I know it" he whispered in the back of my neck before he started to leave kisses at the side of my neck. He was so gentle and soft. His lips were so warm and they felt so fucking good, wait what-

"Okay, stop" I said as I turned around and pushed him away.

"That's sad, it looked like you really enjoyed it darling" he said while he slowly approached me again. As he took the first step forward, I took one backwards but then I remembered that my back is already against the shelf.

Well fuck.

As he stood infront of me, he put both of his hands next to my head and leaned really close. Our noses were nearly touching.

"You don't have to lie to me princess, you know? And when you really wanna test me, then I dare you to do that, we both know that I'm gonna win babydoll" he whispered quietly while he looked me deep in the eyes.

"You may be a Holland, but don't forget that I'm a y/l/n honey" I told him while I held eye contact.

"Cause you exactly know what I'm capable of, you already saw me fighting and taking your men down easily" I added.

"And you exactly know what I'm capable of babygirl"

"Oh please, you are just as weak as your men are Holland" I said with a quick laugh.

"I'm not talking about fighting love" he said with a tiny smirk.

"About what then champ?" I said with a little smile on my face.

"You know what I'm the best at?" he said as he slowly leaned closer so his mouth was hovering over my ear.

"What" I asked before I rolled my eyes.

"Punishments" he whispered.

And as soon as he said that my smile faded and I was frozen… again.

"I knew you would be quiet as soon as I said that. Have you ever got punished before? You know like, did you ever got a few good spanks and a few edges-"

"shut up Thomas" I spat quietly at him.

"You get turned on from the thought of me spanking you and edging you until you beg me to stop, don't you?"

"I-I, n-no i-I don't" I stuttered.

"Don't lie to me princess" he said while he looked me in my eyes again.

"I don't" I said while I looked down at my feet. "Can you say that while you look me in the eyes?" he asked.

I looked him in the eyes, but I couldn't get a single word out.

"That's what I thought" he said before he put both of his hands back in his pockets again and went to the door.

"Where a-are you g-going?" Why did I asked that?!

"I'm gonna go back to work, if you need someone that makes you scream and cry at same time, and I don't mean that in a painful way, then you know where I am" he said before he opened the door and left.

"God please help me" I quietly prayed before I left the library too and went to the gym.

---

"Tom, let me through" I said in a pretty calm voice.

"No" he answered with a tiny smirk.

"Thomas please! I have to be in the meeting like, right now!" I raised my voice at him.

"And?" he asked while he looked down at me. Sadly I'm shorter than him. "And?! When my dad finds out that you are keeping me up here then you. are. dead, holland." he lightly chuckled before he spoke up,

"That would be a shame wouldn't it?" he said with a wide grin while slowly raced his hand and stroked my cheek with his knuckles. "Tom stop" I told him angrily. "You are so sweet when you're angry, you know?"

"Fuck. off" I whispered while I looked him deep in the eyes. That was the last thing i said to him before I pushed him angrily away and stormed through the door.

"Where the fuck where you y/n?" my dad asked with a slightly aggressive voice. I didn't knew which kind of lie I should tell him, so I told him the truth.

"Tom distracted me" I said while I took a seat. "Tom Holland?" he said while he looked at me. "Of course the holland boy dad, who else?" I spat. "Not in that tone young lady" he spat back angrily before he sat down in his own chair and scoffed before he started to talk about some mob business shit while I held back my tears.

It's not that I hate this life, or the mob, it's just that I would love when someone would give me some love.

---

"Thomas, I already told you that it was a mistake" I yelled at him. "But this mistake could have killed you" he yelled back at me. I looked him deep in the eyes before I quietly said,

"Why do you even care?"

He just stared at me with an open mouth and slightly wide eyes. He looked at me like he just got caught stealing something. "I-I don't care about you or anything, i-i could have been dead too, a-and w-when you would have been i-in trouble, t-then I wouldn't have hesitate to save MY ass"

Slowly, a smile made it's way to my face before I spoke up again,

"You're lying" I whispered.

"I d-don't lie'' he said quietly. "You do, because every time when you lie, you stutter thomas" he slowly approached me. Probably a habit of him. As he stood right infront of me, he looked me right into the eyes. He basically looked me right into the soul before he said,

"I didn't lied and I don't care about you. When you would get killed, then I would stand next to your corpse and would be sad that I didn't killed you" he slowly said.

And as he said that, I just thought one thing,

Don't fucking cry now y/n, you already know that nobody loves you.

I exactly knew that he hates me, just like I hate him, but I would have never said something that cruel to him. But of course I couldn't stop the tears they were threatening to spill. I looked down at my feet before I quickly wiped the tear away.

"Are you cryi-"

"I hate you" I said before he could finish his sentence. The last thing I saw before I stormed out of the big conference room, was a guilty look painted on Tom's face.

---

I sat silently in my bedroom and thought about a few things,

'I can't', 'I can't fucking like him', 'I can't fucking love him', 'It's impossible'. I thought the entire time. We are enemies since the second we saw each other. We hate each other. We have to, we don't have another option. Why am I even thinking about that? He hates me and I should hate him. But I can't. It's not that I adore this man and would do anything for him, I would just sacrifice my life for him-

Fuck.

I'm head over heels for him.

Suddenly someone knocked on my door.

"Come in" I said. Suddenly Tom came in, wearing a tight white button up shirt and dark blue dress pants. He looked so unbelievably hot but at the same time he was my enemy. I thought about his messy hair and rosy cheeks and red lips, they look so fucking soft, I would love to kiss them and touch his body-

"You good y/n?" he asked as he sat down next to me on the bed. And of course he had to spread his legs and fold his hands.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine" I answered quickly. God I'm so done.

"I wanted to apologize for what I said earlier, so… I'm sorry"

Did he just seriously apologized? Wow.

"It's okay, you were right" I said with a tiny but sad laugh. "You were right" he suddenly said. "What do you mean?" I said while I looked at him. Tom got up and stood now infront me.

"I do care about you"

"What?"

"You were right, I lied. I really care about y/n, and I'm sorry that I treated you that way"

"Seriously?" I got up now too and stood right infront of him. He just nodded quickly before he said,

"yes, uhm, that's it, I'm gonna go now, by dollface" he said with a tiny smirk before he left the room.

"fuck off" I laughed while I made my way downstairs.

---

"I hate work" I quietly whispered to myself while I buried my head in my hands desperately. Suddenly the door opened and Tom walked in. "Get out of here" he said without any sign of kindness. "What?" I asked with a laugh. "I think you heard me princess, out. of. here" I stood up from my chair and scoffed before I walked over to him.

"No" I said with a tiny grin.

"No?, darling I'm in charge here, okay?, so you're gonna walk out of this room and let me do my work that I have to do, alright?" he said pretty seriously. I shaked my head with a smile painted on my face. "I don't wanna drag out of the room y/n, c'mon" he said with a hint of anger in his voice but I shaked my head and he scoffed. "Why can't you just listen for once." Out of nowhere he grabbed my throat and pressed me against the wall behind me. "You're gonna listen to me" he whispered before he went on,

"When I tell you to do something, then your gonna do it, don't you?" he asked while he looked at me. That went right to my pussy.

"And what are you gonna do when I don't want to do what you say?" of course y/n y/l/n tried to push his buttons. "Then it's gonna get a big big mess babygirl" he smiled. He fucking smiled.

"A bloody mess?" I asked with a grin. "No, no, not a bloody mess but a wet mess" he whispered.

"fuck you" I whispered. "oh yes, I'm gonna do that" he said before he crashed his lips on mine harshly. He put both of his hands on my cheeks while I opened his button up shirt and pulled it off of his body. Just a few seconds later he pulled my shirt off and threw it to the side. "You're eager, aren't you?" I asked while he put his pants off. God his body is a masterpiece.

"Shut up" he said while I put my pants and bra off. "Make me" I said. He looked me in the eyes with a tiny smirk before he picked me up and laid me down onto the table. He went down on his knees infront of me and pulled my panties down my legs before he started to give tiny kitten licks to my already wet pussy.

"Fuuuuck" I whispered before he started to really eat me out. "Fuck daddy" I cried out. "Say that again" Tom said before he sucked on my clit and flicked his tongue over it afterwards. "Oh my God, please daddy" I cried out even louder. He flicked my clit with the tip of his tongue so fast and good that I came quickly.

"FUCK, your gonna make me cum" I said quietly while I arched my back. But after he made me cum, he didn't stopped. He went on with flicking the tip of his tongue quickly over my sensitive clit. I started to wiggle away from him but he grabbed my legs and put me back in place again. "Shh, just a little bit more" he whispered. Suddenly he spit right on my pussy and collected the spit with two fingers before he shoved his wet fingers into my pussy. "Oh my g-god, please" I stuttered out.

He started to pump his finger faster and faster and after a few seconds he found the spot that made me go crazy. "Ahhh fuck daddy please, please, please" I screamed.

"Come for me doll, come for daddy" he said while he looked me in the eyes. You heard right. He looked me in the eyes while he ate. me. out.

"FUCK" I yelled as I came for the second time on his tongue and fingers. After he cleaned me up, he stood up and looked at me.

"You're gonna be a good girl and take my cock?" he asked. "Yes Daddy" I answered back quietly. "Good girl" he whispered in my ear before he pulled his boxer down and started to enter me. "oh fuck" I quickly cursed before he started to ram into me mercilessly.

"So fucking tight, such a good girl, just for me, right?" I just nodded with my head before my eyes rolled into the back of my head quickly. Suddenly he put his hand on my throat again and lightly choked me. And fuck was that good.

"Feels so good d-daddy" I whispered. He put the thumb of his other hand on my clit and started to rub it quickly.

"OH MY GOD" I cried out really loud. "Take it, take it, take it" tom spat quietly. "I'm gonna cum daddy" I told him. He went even faster, with his cock and his thumb. And then my orgasm washed me while I screamed as loud as I could while tears were running down my cheeks.Tom shut his eyes tightly and let out a tiny 'fuck' after he came. But I couldn't even notice more before I blacked out.

---

I woke up in my bed, but I could remember exactly what happened yesterday in the conference room. The worst thing is, I still like, no, love this man. How? I honestly don't know. He just makes me… weak.

I threw my work clothes on and went downstairs into the conference room to see if my father was there but the only person that was in the room was the one and only Tom of course.

"Oh, hello darling" he said politely.

"Hello?" I said but it kinda sounded more like a question. "Are you okay?" he asked me. I just nodded with my head before I made my way to the door again but Tom's hand on my wrist stopped me immediately. "Can we talk?" he suddenly said pretty shy. I just nodded again while I turned around to face him and leaned back against the door. "What's up" I said. What the fuck y/n?! Why would you say 'what's up'? You exactly know what happened yesterday and you can't change it. Neither of you can. What you two didn't knew is that neither of you too wanted to change it.

"Can we maybe talk about last night?" he suddenly said. "Yeah, yeah of course, what about last night?" I asked quietly. "I-I, fuck, I don't know how to say that-" but before he could finish his sentence, I interrupted him,

"You think it was a mistake and you asked me to forget it and to not mention it ever again because you hate me and that was just a stupid one night stand thing for you" I told him. He just stared at me for multiple seconds before he opened his mouth and spoke up,

"No"

"What do you mean with 'no'?"

"y/n, I know how I treated you and how rude and cruel I am to you, but that what we did last night wasn't a damn one night stand" he said calmly. "What was it then to you?" I asked him.

"What was it to you?" he asked me back. I had to swallow before I answered,

"I don't think that it meant the same to you as it meant to me" I said quietly while I looked at him. He let out a tiny laugh before he said,

"It meant a lot to me" hold on what did he just said?!

"What, s-seriously?" I asked with already glassy eyes. I just dreamed right?

"Y/n, when I told you that I would save my ass and that I would be happy when you would be dead, then I didn't meant that at all. I care about you, a lot actually and I would rather sacrifice my ass to save yours" he said with a tiny laugh.

I slowly approached him and asked,

"You are not lying?"

"I'm not lying"

As soon as he said I leaned forward gave him a tiny peck to test if he really wants that, and yes he does, he leaned forward and kissed me properly on the lips while he put of his hands softly on my waist and I put my hands on his shoulders. He slowly started to walk forward so that i had to walk backwards and backed me up against the wall, at first I thought that we are gonna the same thing like last night but he just put one of his hands on my cheek and looked me deep in the eyes.

"I really like you y/n"

"I really like you too"

He kissed my forehead gently before we went on with our little make out session.

---

"Tom, no!" I yelled at him. "Why not?!" he yelled back loudly. "Because, when my dad is gonna catch us in the conference room then we are both dead and you know that!" I screamed at my boyfriend.

Tom wanted to make out in the conference room, that my father is probably gonna enter soon. "Who gives a fuck about him" he yelled back at me. "Tom, how do you think my dad will look at us when he sees us not sliding each other's throats!, What do you think is he gonna do huh?!"

"But we are together y/n, we are in a relationship and we are fucking adults so we are allowed to do that! We love each other!"

"In this world is no place for love Thomas!"

Silent.

I instantly regret what I said. I looked at him and I could already see tears building up in his eyes.

"So you don't love me?" he asked quietly and unsure. "No! That not what I meant. Tom, it's just that this world wasn't made for love, okay? I know that we love each other, you love me and I love you, so so so much tommy but this world that we are living in is dangerous, okay?" I told him before I slowly approached him. I put my hands in his hands and gave him a small but gentle peck on the cheek.

"I love you" I whispered.

"I l-love you too darling" he said quietly.

"I'm so sorry for what I said, I hope you forgive me" I said while I laid my head on his chest. He is always so warm and caring and gentle with me.

"Yeah baby, I forgive you" he said with a tiny smile on his gorgeous face. "Thank you" I answered before I pecked his nose. "I'm gonna take a shower" I said quietly while I looked him deep in the eyes. "Mind if I join?" he asked with a smirk. "Not at all… " I slowly leaned forward to whisper in his ear and said,

"daddy"

Before I could even blink, he threw me over the shoulder and made his way to the bathroom.

---

"Fuuuuck babygirl, you take me so well" he whispered while I tried to take his entire member in my mouth. And fuck was that hard because he was so big. Suddenly he started to thrust his hips and I gagged loudly. "You can take it kitten, I know you can" he spat quitely. Tears were rolling down my cheeks as I gagged around him, but It was so fucking hot and rough Tom is the best thing you can get. "Fuck, I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum" he said while he shut his eyes. After he came, I swallowed everything and then I stood up and we got out of the shower. He grabbed the back of my neck tightly and turned me around. Our noses touched while he looked me deep in the eyes. "You're mine, understand?" I nodded with my head quickly before he spoke up again,

"That was a great shower don't you thing doll" he said with a huge grin on his face after he let my neck go slowly. I just rolled my eyes before I started to dry my body with my towel. But before I could take my brush to brush through my hair and get the knots out, tom took the brush from my hand and started to gently brush my hair while he stood behind me just in a Calvin klein boxer and grey sweatpants. He gently brushed through them while I watched him in the mirror infront of me. "Mhhmm" I moaned with a tiny smile written on my face. "Don't moan or I'm gonna take you right against the counter princess" he slowly whispered into my ear while he still brushed gently through my hair. "sorry… daddy" he just scoffed before he gave me the 'warning gaze'. I started to laugh and he put the brush aside to grab the lotion. "Are you laughing at me?" he asked with 'fake shook' on his face. "Sorry bubu, your just so sweet" I said between laughter. "You're even sweeter my love" he answered as he applied some lotion on my back and slowly rubbed it in. "That feels good baby, thank you" I said. "No, thank you" he told me while he looked in the mirror where our eyes met. "For what?" I asked with a tiny smile. "For being the best girlfriend ever" he whispered before he gave me a small peck on my temple. I smile before I answerd,

"I love you so damn much Tommy" he rubbed his hands slowly over my shoulders before he spoke up,

"I love you too princess" I used to hate this name, but now I love it.

---

I sat in my room, crying silently on my bed all alone. To have a dad that is just focused on the mob and basically didn't gives a single shit about his own daughter Is hard and it fucking hurts. But luckily i got a caring boyfriend that should be here any minute-

"Hey babygirl, what's wrong?" he asked as he came into the bedroom. "Is it your dad again?" he added after a while. I just nodded with my head before I started to let more sob's out. "No, no, no, you know that I don't like it when you cry princess" he said as he sat down next to me and pulled me into his chest. He hold me tightly in his arms before I spoke up,

"I'm s-sorry" he just looked at me before he said,

"For what?" I looked at him briefly before I looked down at my lap again. "For i-interrupting you t-tommy"

"No, no, there's nothing to be sorry about, okay? I love you and I'm gonna be here for you, you understand?" I nodded with my head quickly before I looked him deep in the eyes. Suddenly he pulled me on his lap so that I straddled him and laid both of his hands on my hips. We both looked at each other's lips briefly before I slowly leaned in and captured his soft lips in a gentle kiss. "I" kiss. "love" kiss. "you" kiss. "so" kiss. "much" kiss. I laughed at him before I kissed his forehead gently and said,

"I love you too so much"

"Can we cuddle?" I added. Tom laughed before he answered,

"Of course darling, anything for you"

I laid down while Tom laid behind me and he threw his hand around me and pulled me into him. "Good night Tommy" I whispered. "Good night baby" he whispered back before we both fell into a deep but wonderful sleep.

---

It was the worst day of your life. Tom was kneeling on the ground, I stood behind him and my father stood infront of us with his gun pointed at me while I had my gun against Tom's temple. Yes, you heard right. Tom's fucking temple.

"Kill him y/n, prove your father that you are strong enough to lead the mob, just like me princessa" my father told me while tears started to build up in my eyes. My father found out about Tom's and my relationship. He went crazy, he freaked out and yelled at us and went absolutely mad. I saw a lot sides from my father already, but not this one. And it kinda made me shit my pants. He demanded me to shoot Thomas so I could prove to him that Tom would be a bad influence for me and the mob. The things is that I would rather die that kill my own fucking boyfriend. Only problem, my father doesn't care.

"You k-know that i-i can't father" I whispered while tears were rolling down my cheeks. "Just do it y/n, it's okay, we had a great time didn't we?" Tom slightly laughed but then I could hear him sob. My father just laughed before he spoke up,

"That's no love that you little kids have, that's just some random bullshit, shoot him" he answered with a laugh. Tom swallowed and I couldn't stop the tears. We both couldn't. "I love you princess, so much" Tom whispered quietly. I just shaked my head while I let sob's out and looked at my dad again. "I don't give a-a fuck a-about the m-mob anymore, I love t-Tom and when you c-can't accept t-that then I'm really sorry" I quietly said. My dad laughed before he said,

"Wait, what do you mean with 'then I'm really sorry' y/n?" he asked.

"I love Thomas, and I fucking hate you" I said before I shot my father in his right shoulder. Tom closed his eyes tightly but when I put both of my hands in his cheeks he opened them again. "Are you okay?" Tom asked me quickly. I nodded with my head before I hugged him tightly. "I'm so sorry baby" I shaked my head quickly and answered,

"No, I'm sorry"

"No, you shouldn't be, I'm supposed to protect you, to protect you from situations like that doll, but I didn't and I'm so sorry" he said quietly. "It's okay Tommy, I love you" "I love you too" he said before we shared a loving kiss. After that, Tom and i got up and went to my father who was laying desperately on the ground.

"Fuck you daddy" I told him.

"Why p-princess, w-why" he weakly asked. Before I could response, Tom spoke up,

"By the way, your daughter calls me daddy too" he said with a wink. And those were the last words my father heard. The best last words even in my opinion. I laughed at my boyfriend before he picked me up and ran towards the bedroom.

"What are you doing?" I asked between laughter. "Oh, I'm just gonna make you beg, scream and cry, okay?" he asked. And as soon as I heard these words I was screwed.

"Yes daddy"

"Good girl"

-`ღ´- ᶫᵒᵛᵉᵧₒᵤ -`ღ´-

Taglist:

@goodgirlgonetom @majo240820 @misshale21 @itstaskeen @pure-ghost @justafangirlduh @elizabeth-brown @roseke @onyourgoddamnleft @lovelyxtom

[considerablecolors]

What do you think the saf characters' cutie marks would be?

WELL *prepares to infodump* I'M SO GLAD U ASKED ANON

so when I was originally thinking abt a SAF x MLP crossover, cutie marks were actually the first thing I thought about! I sketched them out (along w/ some explanations) in a notebook:

so some transcriptions/elaboration:

Curt

Spying. Duh. Pretty self-explanatory.

He got his VERY VERY young for smth very stupid like "spying" on his mother to see what she was buying him for his birthday

Which is a great plan until the next day you literally have to explain how you got your cutie mark overnight

ALSO when discussing the idea w @finalgirlmartinbrody , they pointed out the hilarity of a spy having a cutie mark that clearly says they're a spy, so just imagine that agencies use glamour spells pretty frequently lmao

So in MLP there's this pretty interesting concept they explore now and then of basically like. Losing the meaning of your cutie mark. Not doing what you're meant to do. SO to add some ~spice~, Owen's special talent is theatre!

Owen

Got his later on in high school, definitely got picked on a bit for that

He basically convinces himself once he becomes a spy that the mark means he's good at acting as in being undercover/in disguise (but deep down knows that isn't the case)

Also fuels that later resentment towards agencies

Tatiana

Ok this sort of feeds into a HC I have in general- that Tatiana is the mystery woman at the beginning of the show (or at least closely connected) because like. Random voice narrating a story? Yeah cool and mysterious ig. Tatiana being the one to tell us the story of how one of her best friends fell apart? MUCH more dramatic and tragic and all that fun stuff. So ofc she's a singer here!

Got cutie mark because when she was younger, she used to sing lullabies to herself/the other kids as a comfort thing

Like Owen, she was forced into something that wasn't her destiny

Though I like to think while undercover for a time she worked as like a lounge singer and it was one of the happier times in her life

Barb

So kind of a no-brainer.

Science! Numbers!

I like to think she also gets her cutie mark young, like accidently blowing smth up in a science class, and the teacher starts yelling at her but Barb does not give a shit because cutie!! mark!!

Cynthia

Okay hers is a speech bubble and exclamation points. Because she's the boss, and her job is to tell others what to do.

BUT there is definitely a huge not-so-inside joke around A.S.S. (and the government) (and all the international agencies) (literally Susan will make the jokes to her face) that Cynthia's special talent is yelling at people

Cynthia is actually quite proud of this rumor and actively encourages it

Informant

Mask! For disguises! Obviously!

I wanted smth to include accents but wasn't quite sure how to portray that?

He likes to say that their real talent is being fashionable

Deadliest Man Alive

Hee-hee knife go stabby-stabby

Talent for being a murderer #okayedgelord

Owen uses a glamour to disguise this cutie mark everyday obviously

HC that Sergio once sees him putting the glamour on and is just like "omg he changes his cutie mark to be even more terrifying omg that's so cool he's so sick omg"

Mrs. Mega

Wasn't entirely sure what I wanted hers to be tbh. I didn't want to do smth like "being a mother" or "being a housewife" because I like to give my female characters actual personality beyond serving men (cough cough lots and lots of MLP fandom OCs cough cough)

I ended up going with forgery! Since we know she does it fairly often (knows how to forge passports for Tatiana & family)

Neighbors just think she's good at like. Writing checks lmao

[simmonsized]

⭐Star⭐

star! again! gasp, wheeze. the pressure to come up with something.

man i am terrible at coming up with things to talk about here

UPDATE: my friend has given me a list of things to talk about. since it's like, you know, once ask, one thing, I will be talking about, as @alexharrier put it, "The Significance of the Dorito Locos Tacos."

This is going to be a bit silly, and probably also not like, completely non-nonsensical. Bear with me, maybe?

(Inevitably we will also cover some of la petite mort. hoping i won't have to explain the name to anyone, since you know. it's one of those terrible jokes we all hate.) <- SPOILERS FROM FUTURE ME: we cover la petite mort (ch 6)

So I guess the way it started was my own, personal enjoyment of these little nightmares, but also because Doritos feature pretty heavily in my Striderian lore. Or rather, Nacho Doritos specifically are a staple part.

Why, you may ask?? Well, it's simple really.

It all comes back to Mad Snacks Yo.

Well, that and the Braj Shop from Paradox Space. The weird secret to me is like, I mean I don't actually care that deeply about canon specifics but i LOVE to make little nods and references to them

In this case, I guess I decided that Doritos, specifically nacho Doritos, were a Staple part of the Strider household diet, and then I just. Dug in. sometimes, the why is just "because it's fun," and because there were other little canon things that just kept leading me back to Nacho Doritos.

And! Since I was like, man poor Dirk probably has grown up with all these references to Taco Bell built into Alpha Dave's work, which, yes, I was this deep in at this point, I decided he would probably be deeply interested in seeing what fast food had to offer him.

That and, if you did not know, or are not Logged The FUCK into the Taco Bell wikia like I am, Nacho Doritos Locos Tacos came out in February of 2012. It's like the fucking stars aligned, my friends. It was meant to be.

Much like Dirk, some of my best ideas come to me in the shower. Most of the time I do not climb out to get my phone to text them to people, but. You know. Special cases and what have you.

Also not to-- well yes to get deep into it. When you're juggling a cast and such, sometimes finding moments Alone can be difficult. This chapter required me getting Bro and Dave alone. At this point in time, Dave has been avoiding Bro on purpose, basically shrugging him off onto Dave, letting him handle it because if he does the work, Dave doesn't have to think about it, and doesn't have to think about all the complicated feelings he has in relation to Bro being back from the dead. He's also still dealing with the Dirk thing so. Yeah, his shit is fucked up.

He needed to talk to someone who isn't Dirk, and talking to Rose didn't make him feel worse, but it didn't make him feel Better either. So you know, while not reliable, Bro is the only adult Dave has ever really known, except maybe like, five seconds of Dad Crocker right before the End of the Game.

Also I already talked about ch 16 but this is the start of Dave's real "Bro is Actually Here and is a Person": "You let that feeling build up in your chest, and find it at war with your desperate need to make sure he isn't dying again. Fuck you couldn't even get the katana out of his chest. You wonder, hysterically, if he's got a scar."

Idk if I talked about this but at this point Bro is still re-calibrating, kind of stuck in between "i'm alive??? does not compute" and being fuzzy and confused and tbh, quite fucked up lol. can we get into lil cal and his influence? yes. should we?? nah probably not. should Bro be driving???? nO????????????????? but god, who else will deliver us taco bell. ubereats did not rear it's ugly head til '15, and in some places we are sTILL struggling to get these doritos locos tacos to the people. it's a crime, really. RIP in peace to the fucking beefy nacho burrito, but may the beefy 5 layer live on in its spirit.

The other point of the Trip to Taco Bell is that it is (said above) Bro and Dave's first REAL interaction. this is Dave dealing with a person he hasn't known for three years, who is fundamentally the same, yet so, so different. Bro's thoughts are ?????? shaded from us at this point, but I think he cares less about actually being different rather than just doing what is "easier," and in this instance, this means conceding to Dave's visceral reactions to pretty much each and every single thing he does. he's annoyed, but he's also a jackass, so who cares about his feefees.

fun little parallel we see in ch 31 later first begins in ch 6 too (not taco bell related): You stare. He curtsies. You scowl.

Anyway so this is one of them Pivotal Car Scenes. It is the moment I consider one of my Most Important (i like to use the capitals for emphasis). There's a lot I could say but like, those conflicting feelings are super important to me. Dave saw Bro as this giant, a hero he could never live up to, and now he is just some tired dude, but also simultaneously the same person, but Dave(sprite) wants better, and Dave is realizing, maybe, just maybe, he is allowed to want better, too. That that first death doesn't have to be the end of everything.

And then of course the tacos. You know, first of all, they are fucking delicious. Second of all, it's a silly little bonding moment for them, and then becomes a moment that is so sincere that Dave ruins it by admitting to his uh. Compulsion. as it were.

Anyway so this is just i guess. the beginning of the Dorito Locos Tacos extended universe. The tacos and their conversation and the staple of that horrible neon orange shell has radiated throughout time and space (aka, several different fics, none of which i will mention here lol)

But more importantly, today my friends openly admitted that they cannot help but think of rng when they go to to taco bell, and really, what better legacy could i possibly have?

Basically the Dorito Locos Tacos managed to create a cornerstone First Step, as it were, and uh. Well to this day chapter 6 is still my absolute FAVORITE chapter i've ever written so! idk if that says anything about me but there we have it.

[baka-writings]

𝐕𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐬 𝐁𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬

Warnings: A tiny (Subin) bit of nsfw

YAY MY 1ST VICTON REQUEST

Also I went kinda overboard with Hanse, cuz I'm a biased bitch 😅

𝐒𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐰𝐨𝐨

the sweetest bf ever, no kidding

honestly he'd do anything for you, anytime

like you wanna go on a date at midnight? you got it

he'd take care of you

lowkey forcing you eat your meals

and of course checking out if you eat your meals properly

he'd be the gentleman he is almost always whether he's tired or not

very affectionate

pda in front of other members? oh yEs

gives you random kisses 24/7

he'd be really quick to notice if there's something bothering you

he'd ask you about it and try his best to solve your problem

would listen to everything you're saying, nodding here and there

he's very serious when needed so if you were telling him something really serious/bad he'd be in the top 3 of the most understanding members in Victon

but he'd be also annoying like

challenging you in everything

he'd let you win tho, ngl

unless it was in bed😌

he's a strong man and fairly tall so no escaping

but even then he'd be such a gentleman

at first

later he wouldn't be that gentleman sorry not sorry

(later in the relationship/when you already did the deed etc)

he's a dom obviously

and very vocal if you ask me

i feel like he'd lOve to use his tongue anYwhere on you

would be rough most of the time but at the same time be careful not to hurt you

he'd love to pull your hair

and you better pull his too

also kinda kinky imo

he can go from 0 to 100 real quick, in bed as well

so you better watch out 😌

𝐒𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐢𝐤

the sweetest bf ever no 2

he'd sing for you anytime you wanted

he'd be so happy if you compliment his singing

cooks for you

wouldn't let you cook so you'd have to plead him

he'd like nicknames you'd give him unless they are dumb 😂

my personal favorite for him is angel, cuz he sings like one and looks like one

he'd same as Seungwoo take care of you

like a true mom

eye smiles 24/7

unlike Seungwoo, he wouldn't show that much pda in front of the members cuz they'd tease him for that too

but would always stay close to you whenever you all hangout

he'd sing you before sleep and would get flustered if you actually didn't fall asleep and only listened to his singing

he'd like to have you close to him

especially when you sleep

WHICH REMINDS ME

😈

he's not as kinky as Seungwoo

but i think his biggest turn on would be your face while he's slamming himself inside of you

i can also lowkey see him liking to be slightly choked, but not too much

which reminds me

switch

i don't see him that vocal honestly

but would like you being vocal

yes he likes to keep you close during these times too sO he'd probably go too deep just to be close don't @ me

when you are done i see him switching to his momma self again and clean ya'll up

unless you want another round 😌

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧

aka my side hoe

clown 1/3

he'd talk the shit outta you

annoying

but cute

too much pda in front of others

unless someone teases him about it

then he'd add even more

pda with some inappropriate touches, always a yes for him

he wouldn't even try to hide it tbh

pls touch his dimples

he'd crack jokes whenever you're sad, mad, stressed etc

so honestly there would be NO time for such negative emotions ✨

but he'd also tease you sometimes so you better prepare some comebacks

when you two are already dating he might get a bit possessive i feel like

but not the jealous possessive

more like he'd be lowkey worried you'd leave him or something

mention his brother and he'll gladly introduce you, but would be protective af

talking about his bro, if you want to tease him or want him to make love to you, just say his bro was your bias in madtown and he'll show you why he should be the only one you look at ;)

but he wouldn't really show it unless needed

great kisser

like have you seen those lips?

delicious

cuddles every day, anytime and anywhere

he looks cute and innocent, but we know he ain't

call him byunchan (pervert + Chan in korean)

we all know what I'm talking about 😉

you should probably watch what you're saying cuz he will make double meanings and pervert things from anything

unless you want that

in that case get ready for some fun

kinda kinky tbh

a switch

those hips 🥵

he'd be slightly on the rougher side tbh

if his hips do the same thing as when he's dancing then well rip you

bitting kink

would maybe like to choke you while he overstimulates you 💀

𝐒𝐞𝐣𝐮𝐧

clown 2/3

another annoying one

would talk the shit out of you as well

every date is eating somewhere

him eating your food

eating competitions between you two

PDA!! Like he'd even show you off

compliments won't work on him cuz he knows he's all that

you'd like to scare him sometimes even with the help of his members

he'd cry

he'd let you borrow his hoodies

"it looks better on me tho"

he'd be happy if you jammed to his songs and sang his parts

wouldn't let you touch his dimples or kiss them for fREE

which means he has to have something in it to let you touch 'em

probably a kiss or something

such a tease

and a brat

he's a switch, nothing else

praising kink (recieving)

he'd be very confident in himself during these times too

would like his hair to be pulled

i can also see him liking mirror sex??

i mean seeing him fucking you from behind in the mirror sounds kinda hot if you ask me 🥵

also he is kinky too, but keeps his kinks a bit lowkey.. at first

would high-key love being tamed like a brat he is

oh and also i see him being vOcal, same like Seungwoo

not that rough, but deep thrusts making you lose it pretty soon ;) aka ego boost

𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐞

my main hOe

clown 3/3

loud af

pda in front of members

always

but for him I feel like it'd also be some kind of flirting and inappropriate touches so someone, probably Sejun would "get a room" y'all

tattoos, pls touch them

or lick them-

honestly, biased or not he'd be one of the best bfs from this group

he seems like he could kill a bitch, but we know he's a soft boy

sometimes

he'd be all giggly around you during your 1st days/weeks of dating

but then..ooof

a real clownery tbh

he'd like to be taken care of, like cooking for him, checking up on him and so on

that would make him so so so happy and happy Hanse is what we want

always.

he'd love you two have matching accessories like earrings or chokers! (so he could choke you later)

everytime he smiles, you smile and then he smiles when you smile and-

okay but then he'd also be a pervert and sometimes you'd have to go 'eH?' when he talks shit to check if you heard correctly or not

you'll always hear correctly

ya'll would paint each other's nails

everytime he makes a new song, he'd ask you what do you think because your opinion is important to him

he'd be a lil happy puppy when you compliment his songs (either solos or group songs since he co-writes the lyrics)

I'd like to think he wouldn't wake you up anNoYinGly as he did to Seungsik, but- uhh he would

you might challenge him in freestyle, he'd let you win and compliment your skills even If you were nOt as good as him (i mean is that possible?)

but also would be highkey shook If you did very good, he'd even forget his lyrics so you'd win

then he'd whine

anyway...a switch (dom lean)

his usual flirty line or when he's in the mood would be "mind tasting my piercing?"

and If you're in the mood just say "Sure If I can Do you as well"

honestly use the "Do Hanse" joke anytime and he's yours, truly..

i feel like he'd say something like "I'll Do you now" while he enters you and fucks you senseless (like he will dO you while hAnse is in you-)

vocal in bed, but mostly like high grunts

chOking both recieving and giving as well as bitting and all of these kinks

also..his tongue..with a rap like that I can't imagine how good he'd be eating you out ;)

rough thrusts all the way

keeps going when he hears your moans

𝐁𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧

big baby

back hugs or any kind of hugs

lowkey a brat too tbh

dimples show off™

he'd be actually vEry happy if you touched his dimples lmao

that would make him kInda cocky

would sing for you randomly and also teach you some dances

he'd actually enjoy dancing and/or singing together

a great cuddle buddy tbh

he'd be very clingy

to impress you he'd act manly and just hOt (see gif)

but would sometimes fail, because you'd start laughing 💀

borrowing his hoodies and shirts

but never giving them back-

if you're a lot shorter than him, he'd for example help you reach high places

if you're not that short well

he'd put things even higher so you'd ask for his help

kinda petty imo

anYway not really kinky, but on the more vocal side in bed

don't @ me but a sub

i think his most visible kink would be you doming him 💀 honestly

also some dirty talk (recieving) while you bounce on him

i can also see him mAybe being into some ice play tbh

just think about it😈

he's not rough, not vanilla either...perfect middle path

𝐒𝐮𝐛𝐢𝐧

a baby™

cuddles! always, whether you like it or not

i think he'd be teased by his hyungs

and told to use a protection

he'd just nervously laugh like ugH yeah sure

he'd be jelly if his pets greeted you before him or payed more attention to you

he'd pout

he can be very shy sometimes, so it'd take him ages to ask you out

he'd probably be accompanied by Seungwoo if you guys met 💀

if you by any chance go drinking, you should probably stop him tbh

he'd also pout if you called him cute

"I'm not cute *pout*"

which is cute

he maybe wouldn't necessarily sing for you as he'd be shy and not very confident

but would LOVE if you sang for him, it would make him fall in love with you more... especially if it was either his song or a song he loves

he'd never interrupt you, just listen to your voice

he'd love if he brought food to him when he practices (other members would be jelly and steal his food so you better bring them too then)

sometimes he'd tell you some weird/dirty jokes without thinking about them first

his excuse would be "Hanse said-"

now all jokes aside, he is a babie but when you two are alone he'd have those dirty times

however he'd be shy to ask for what he wants, like he'd never or rarely ask for it

but you'd see it on him anyway

like he'd be unfocused and talk less

a sub(in)

you could have so much fun with him honestly 😈

tsundere (Seungwoo said it, not me🤷🏻‍♀️)

his hidden kinky

would love bitting, both recieving and giving

for some reason i also see him liking having a collar with a chain so you can pull him whenever and wherever you like?😌

he would be vanilla of course but not that rough either, however his secret dream is to go rough tbh

also he is young so he might want to try many kinks as long as both of you want that