#tbh this didnt turn out the way I wanted too but it's good enough to post I think

[whydotheycallmechimney]

On candy stripe legs the spiderman comes Softly through the shadow of the evening sun Stealing past the windows of the blissfully dead Looking for the victim shivering in bed

tw: implied csa

[imaginarianisms]

1 day i will make a meta of sansa's dynamic with her metaphorical champions/suitors & how that correlates to the ashford theory (i.e sansa being betrothed to joffrey baratheon, then promised to willas tyrell, then being married to tyrion lannister, then being married to harry hardying then married to aegon vi targaryen & aurane velaryon but it is not this day. lmao. when i make that meta it'll be so over for y'all.

[nightmare-niko]

Welcome Home [Childhoodbestfriend!Coryo x reader]

Warnings: TBOSAS spoilers, angst, two idiots in love, too cute for your own good tbh, no use of Y/n

A/n: Im still getting back in the swing of fanfic writing but if you have any other characters from The Hunger Games universe you want me to write for just lmk!!!!

Copying or translating my writing is not allowed. If you see my work on another site it is stolen. Reblogs are appreciated and encouraged.

Childhoodbestfriend!coryo who searches for your face in the crowded train station, and when he finally sees you, his knees almost gave in.

The two of you didn’t leave off on the best of terms (he blew you off the second he met Lucy Gray) and Coriolanus didn’t think you’d show up to welcome him home.

But there you were.

There in the crowd you stood, nervously playing with the end of your hair just like you always did. You looked through the sea of faces for your best friend, at first you couldn’t see him. Perhaps you missed him? Surely not… But then, there he was. Coriolanus Snow, Your Coryo.

Before you could register what was happening you were barreling towards him. Engulfing him in a bone crushing hug that he doesn’t hesitate to return.

“Oh Coryo!” You exclaim, pulling back from the hug to get a better look at him. “Oh my goodness! Your hair! What did they do to your hair? You’re bald!” You rub your hands in his head, savoring the strange new sensation.

He laughs gently, taking your wrists in his hands and holding them close. “I am not bald! it’ll grow back before you even realize, a swear.” He pauses for a moment, staring deeply into your eyes. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you more than you can know, Coryo”

“I’m sure i missed you more,” he paused again. “Where’s Tigris?”

“Don’t worry, she’s at work, she wishes she could be here but you know how her boss is.” Coryo hums in acknowledgment, “and I talked to grandma’am earlier today and she gave me strict instructions to keep you away from your house tonight.” You take his hand and start walking your way through the platform.

“What? Why?” The grip on your hand tight, as if he’s scared to lose you.

“Oh she wouldn’t tell me, she knew I was just gonna end up telling you anyway.” Your arms brush together as you walk, to anyone else, the two of you look like the loveliest couple. “But that just means you get to spend your first day back your favorite person!”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way~”

•

“Are you sure your parents are going to be okay with me staying over?" Your parents were never the biggest fan of Coriolanus Snow, they werent fans of the Snow family at all, and when they saw him on to with that District girl they deemed him no good.

"Oh they moved out, I have the place all to myself,” as you approach us your penthouse door you pat at your pockets for the key. "I Prepared the spare room for you for. When you come over, even though you always insist on taking up my whole bed...”

"Your bed is just the most comfortable bed, ever." He raises his hands in defeate. "Your bed is big enough for the both of us."

“It’s only big enough when you sleep normally which you never do. Ever,” the two of laugh as you enter your home.

When he walks through the door of your lavish capitol penthouse, he couldn’t stop himself from crying. The house didnt look the same from when he was last here. When he was last in your penthouse, it was right after his and Clemensia Dovecoats run in with Dr. Gaul. The once colourless decor of your house was now full of life, full of you.

As the tears fell down his pale check, you turned back to look at him. You were at his side in a second, "Coryo, what’s wrong?" You wipe his tears away with the cuff of your Sleeve.

"Nothing - It's nothing really, I just missed this, You." His voice just above a whisper.

“I missed you too, more than you can know.” You smush his cheeks in between your hand.

He swats your hand away, “I’m not a kid anymore, you can’t treat me like it,” a light pink flush blooms on his ears.

“Oh nonsense! I’m your best friend, and I’m older than you so I’ll always treat you like a kid!”

“You can’t treat me like a kid when I’m president,” he jokes through quiet sobs.

"I’m never going to stop, Coryo, I’m your best friend, it’s my job to annoy you," You run your fingers through his hair.

"You’re never annoying...”

As the two of you make your way into your room. It was the same as he remembered.

"It's the same," he points out.

"What is?" you question,

"The room, you didnt change it...”

"Why would I change it? I love my room, and when my parents moved away and left me the house, I figured: Why not just make the whole place my own?"

You take off your sweater and shoes before climbing into your bed. Your eyes follow Coryo as he walks around your room, making himself at home. After taking off his shoes he joins you on your bed, tackling you in a hug, knocking you over.

“Woah!”

You wrap your arms around his broad shoulders, basking in his warmth. Neither of you feel the need to say anything. Sure you were curious about his time away, but you knew Coryo was tired and all you wanted was for him to be comfortable.

Oh how you’ve missed this.

Tag list: @nallasstuff @chmpgneprblem

(If you wanna be tagged when I post hunger games stuff just lmk and I’ll add u to a tag list!!!)

[hiiikiko]

ｇｏｏｄ ｌｕｃｋ， ｂａｂｅ！

tw: swearing, internalized homophobia (?), ANGST, y/n being a bitch tbh

“It’s fine, it’s cool,” you repeat over and over under your breath, your voice drowned out by the blaring music from Ellie’s car radio.

Ellie, your ‘fuck buddy,’ as some would say,’ has her eyes zeroed in on the road, her lips mouthing the lyrics to whatever indie bullshit she put on, eyebrows furrowed, and the passing streetlamps casting shadows on her freckled face. You knew she was mad but she had no right to be.

“We’re here,” she turns off her car and slams the door shut. Shit, she really was mad..

As soon as you get upstairs, you take your shoes off, and make your way to her bedroom, your hand trailing up your blouse to unbutton it but before you can you hear the door slam, “Y/n, we need to talk.”

You couldn’t bear to turn around, you knew exactly what kind of expression she was making, her eyebrows would be furrowed, her lips in a gentle pout, and her eyes pleading you to acknowledge her as more than a sex object.

Instead of getting on your knees and begging for her forgiveness, you decide to play dumb, “About?”

Ellie scoffs, “You know damn well what I want to talk about.”

Earlier that night, you had gotten too drunk and made out with a few, no, more than a few guys.

“It’s not like we’re together, Ellie, there is nothing between us except for making each other feel good.”

“Bullshit, you can say we’re nothing but you know the truth, you see it in the way I drop everything to meet up with you in some dingy motel room, you feel it in the way I mark your neck with kisses, and you knew it when you said you loved me.”

“Stop it, Ellie. Those were all in the moment, you know that I never met anything by it,” you say condescendingly, hoping she didn’t notice the quiet tremble in your voice.

“Fine, I guess I’m the fool,” she throws her hands up and walks into the kitchen, leaning against the counter, facing away from you.

After a long while of silence she says, “You know earlier, when you had your arms out like an angel through the car sun roof? I almost didnt want to call it quits.”

You stood up so fast that the blood rushed to you head, “I-I don’t want to call it off.”

“You say that but you don’t want to call it love. You say we aren’t in a relationship and that you could care less about who I fuck around with but last week you called me, sobbing, because I took Cat back with me, you were crying and saying that you only wanna be the one that I call baby.” Ellie turns back around, tears falling from her beautiful eyes, sending a sharp pain into your heart.

“Whatever, Ellie,” you take a step closer, “You knew what we agreed to when we started this thing, you had absolutely no right to push that guy off me.”

Ellie jumps up, “I had no right?? You had no right to be throwing yourself at anything with a dick in that god forsaken bar, especially right in front of me. Do you have any idea how much that hurt to see the girl I like, sitting on some frat boys lap, his hands roaming all over her? You know what, Y/n. I’m not doing this anymore,” Ellie sights, defeated, “You can kiss a hundred boys in bars, shoot another shot, try to stop the feeling. You can say ‘it’s’ just the way you are, make a new excuse, another stupid reason. Good luck, babe.”

“Okay, so I’m cliche, who cares,” you scoff, gather your things and begin to put your shoes back on, there was no way that this was a sexually explicit kind of love affair like Ellie was trying to make it out to be, right?

“You know, Y/n, I cry, it’s not fair, the way you would get up in the morning when you thought I was asleep, the way you would call me out to your place in the middle of the night because whatever pathetic man you took home wasn’t able to get the job done, and-“

Before Ellie could finish you say through gritted teeth, “I just needed a little loving and you were the only one pathetic enough that I could use and discard at my own transgression,” maybe that was too harsh but you had to get it into Ellie’s pretty little head, “Fuck, I need some air.”

Ellie is quiet, then you say, “Think I’m gonna call it off, even if you call it love.”

Ellie doesn’t say anything. Sure, you might regret this but all you’ve ever wanted was to love someone who calls you baby, Ellie did that but, well, she’s a girl..

Just as you are about to yank the door open, you hear Ellie say, “When you wake up next to whatever fat, balding fuck you marry in 10 or 15 years, in the middle of the night with your head in your hands, you’re nothing more than his wife, when you think about me all of those years ago, you’ll be standing face to face with ‘I told you so,’” she still doesn’t face you, “You know I’ll hate to say it but ‘I told you so.’

“Fuck you, Ellie,” hot, angry tears stream down your face as you slam the door, leaving Ellie behind for good.

[a/n: hope y’all liked this :0 this song has been stuck in my head for like days now LMAO]

[venuswarmlight]

I was hoping to request a jealous Mizu x reader, like maybe she sees reader joking around with Tenzin and she gets really jealous. Idk maybe something along those lines ig. Tbh you can do whatever really, I just want some jealous Mizu x reader stuff. Sorry if this sounds too vague😓, Anyway thank you 🩷🖤

I hope I didn’t read this too late! A lot of things happened but what matters now is that I can keep writing. Hope you enjoyed it, i did it femreader bc I assumed you wanted it that way(I ALSO DIDNT FIND A GIF FOR THIS IM SO SORRY itS BEEN MONTHS I DONT USE TUMBLR)

Warnings: nsfw at the end. Not very proofread. Taigen acting like a man in the 1600’s. BAD ENGLISH.

Notes: Reader is an archer. Idk I’ll be adding more

Jealous!Mizu x Fem!Reader.

Having a mercenary girlfriend was the best thing that happened to you, from the first time you two met until now your only work was following her like a puppy through the villages and kicking asses to the ground like the badass you were, and of course the cozy nights were you both trained your fighting skills next to a lake just to end it by making out until her hands were already in your chest, desperate for blowing off some steam. Your life next to Mizu was great, yeah, but thanks to an unfortunate serious of events you weren’t the only ones in a campfire nearby that forest lake. At least for now.

“I’ll see if there’s another rabbit out there.” Mizu got up from the snowy ground, and looked at you. “Scream if Taigen gets too nosy.” She said as she dead-stared at the man sitting next to you.

“I’ll be fine, but thank you.” You smiled at her and went back to polishing your arrows, while Taigen was doing literally anything but looking at you with curiosity.

After a few minutes you finally broke the ice between you and him, your voice as soft as a feather while you spoke “You’re staring, you know that?”

He immediately realized and turned his head to the campfire smoke, loosing himself in the front view. “I’m sorry, I’m just.. Surprised.” He answered later, hesitant.

“Of what?” Your eyebrows furrowed, and you lifted your gaze to look at him, concerned.

“Well, women like you are not usually seen in these conditions.. Much less with a man like him.” His words intrigued you, what did he meant by this? You inhaled deeply as you kept doing your work, finally storing the arrows in their respective case.

“I find myself very comfortable where I am right now, I don’t know what you m-”You were interrupted by Taigen, he turned himself getting in front of you.

“You’re too pretty to be an archer instead of living in an estate with a rich man.”

Oh. So this is what he meant. Your eyes widened and you started laughing, covering your mouth of embarrassment, honestly it was uncomfortable and out of place but you decided to take it as a compliment AND as a dare. Purposely changed the subject to avoid personal questions and scolded him, pushing him playfully. “Hey! My appearance has nothing to do with my abilities.”

Taigen chuckled, not pushing you back but being more confident with his approaching attitude. “I’m just saying the truth, you should-”

“Oh, yeah, that’s enough!” You jumped onto him, making him fall into the snow and taking him by surprise, his head bounced a bit on the ground, disoriented.

“What is wrong with you!?”

“Can’t fight a woman back? You must be shitting your pants right now, what a shame.” You spilled, sarcastically, but that dominance fell when he grabbed your hands placed in his chest and used it as a support to push you to the right, shifting positions, now his body was topping you, his hands immobilizing yours by pressing hard on your upper torso.

“Not bad.. But still not as good as me.” He proudly said, suddenly you kicked his butt with your knee from the back, making him loose his strength in your wrists, you repeated his last movement, ending again in how you started that silly fight, your giggles and laughters filled the forest’s natural sounds, and suddenly you totally forgot that Mizu could come back anytime and find you two in this compromising position.

You and Taigen struggled there for a few minutes, what he thought that would be a stupid kid’s fight turned into a challenge, even if it didn’t look like it, he started recognizing how.. Incredible you were, your smooth but hard blows, the little screams you made when you felt like you were gonna loose, now he understood.

How lucky Mizu was for having a girl like you.

You finished the fight by enlazing your fingers with an iron grip around his neck, and your other hand threatening his face with your fist, but you forgot that Taigen’s hands were still free. He grabbed your waist and managed to make you fall on your back as he stood up from the ground and made you loose your grip on his neck, his legs immobilizing yours and his hands putting your wrists above your head, his uncontrolled breathing crashing against your nose as he laughed. “Defeated.”

Before you could answer, you saw a third person kick Taigen’s body from the side, just in the ribs, making him fall to the ground, almost burning his whole body next to the campfire, you sat up quick and looked at him first, then looked up at your side, a tall figure with a dead bunny grabbed by the ears in front of you, those blue unsettling eyes staring at you with the coldest countenance. You knew right there and then she was mad as hell.

“Training without me?” Mizu got on her knees to the campfire to roast the rabbit, not caring about Taigen’s prolly broken rib (not really). You stood up to clean your clothes and sit next to her, nervous. You weren’t doing anything wrong, but still.

“We were just playing.” You excused yourself, trying to make her look at you, but no. She was ignoring you.

Instead of answering, her gaze turned out to Taigen, who was struggling to recover from that fucking kick that hurt as hell. “You’re getting too comfortable here, aren’t you?” Her tone was noticeably passive-aggressive, her grip on the roasting stick was tightening.

“That wasn’t fucking necessary! Fuck, it hurts..” He yelled, finally sitting a bit far from you two, you could feel the tension building heavier and thicker in the ambiance.

It was so uncomfortable you felt like you had to go. “I’m gonna wash my hands before eating, I won’t be long.” You got up to escape the funeral situation you were just in, but a hand grabbed yours, making you stop, you looked back with concern, Mizu was behind you with that angry gaze, sending shivers down your spine.

“It’s too dark to go alone.” She said, then looked at Taigen “Take care of the dinner, don’t screw it up.” He was about to talk but instantly shut his mouth like he knew if he talked he could end up dead.

You tried to forget her toxic behavior as you two disappeared yourselves into the woods, the moonlight making the path for both, the silence feeding your ‘I’m fucked’ thoughts and increasing more when you felt her grip on your hand tightening, she ended up dragging you to a not so far place, finally letting out your hand. The only thing you could look was her back and her little black bun.

“What was that?” She spat, aggressively turning herself and hoovering over you.

“I told you we were just playing.“You stepped back, but unconventionally bumped with a tree behind you, before you could realize, Mizu had you cornered, your chest rising and falling against hers as she looked down at you.

“It didn’t look like it.” And the jigsaw puzzles connected in your head. She was jealous.

“Are you doing this because you’re-”

”Maybe. Seeing my dove pinned down by a bald monkey it’s not funny.” Her words were sharp, you didn’t even know how to answer.

Your hand gently caressed her cheek, making her gaze softened as she looked at you. “You’re the only one in my heart.” You whispered, dragging her closer to your face, her hands traveling down your curves and grabbing your hips tightly, your heat already increasing its temperature as it mets her knee, rubbing your core tentatively.

“I still want to fuck that pretty smile outta’ you.” Her lips attacked you like an animal, making you whimper and moan against her watery mouth, her knee making you hump on it desperately and your inner thoughts begging for mercy cause’ this night was going to hit you hard and long.

[kibblemaniac]

(tumblr why do you hate me and wont let me format how i want on mobile)

is February too early to celebrate nightmare night ?

(infodump)i wish i had written this last night when i was thinking about it more, somehow got attached to these designs. if i were to turn it into some sort of comic or show or smth, but thatll never happen probably. also note that i didnt read all of these fics sooi like to imagine that these evil versions are like, parts of each pony that they cant accept about themselves and pretend its not there. and then through some sort of mirror pool incedent, these parts that they cant accept are personified(ponified?) and go around causing trouble.raritys is pretty obvious, if you know anything abt lil miss rarity then you know why itd be hard for her to accept that part of herself. twilights would be a mix of a messed up sense of curiosity and intrusive thoughts. like a "hmm what if i did this to that" "what if i used that pony as a guinea pig" aj i cant decide to go for a more in character one or more grim dark accurate. the in character one would be bottling up emotions until they explode. the more grim dark accurate one would be using the potion in the fic as a metaphor for drug addiction. either way she isnt being honest to herself.pinkie and fluttershy are pretty similar, i think they just have violent urges and mental health issues n stuff.i cant figure out what rds would be but tbh i dont really care enough about rd to figure a good one. maybe shes just struggling to accept her cringey interests?

[ndoandou]

Ikevamp bois playing modern games part 2

Vincent

Vincent is way into.. gartic phone

Qnd perhaps skribble.io

Like way into it

He would sit down 12 hours in front of the computer and guess what HES BEEN PLAYING GARTIC PHONE AND SKRIBBLE.IO IN A LOBBY OF RANDOMS

12 HRS IN HES STILL NOT DONE WITH BOTH GAMES

Hed obv speedrun a drawing in a short period of time and manage to make it look *chefs kiss*

Imagine if skribble.io had a vc feature tho

No no, like imagine if people were actually toxic in this goofy ahh game

They would yell down vincent down the mic telling him to go play with photoshop

Randoms are salty that vincent can draw and portray even the most ridicilous prompts which results him with the highest score always

Not to mention hes really good at guessing even the shittiest drawimgs from other ppl

"Broer how- that persons drawing looks ridicilous, even arthur's dog could draw that"

"Don't be mean theo! I could guess the drawing from the emotional connection i felt from it"

Jean

Jean has a shitty brick nokia phone

And he really loves playing snake II

No im serious

Well i suppose momte doesnt trust him with any other phones than that

the last time he was given a smartphone he downloaded some hack and slash game

took the word slash literally and then proceeded to cut the phone into two

comte was too stunned to speak

momte didn’t want his kids to miss out on gadgets but he cant have jean destroying his smartphone

BINGO! a nokia 3310 it is! 

jean didnt know how to react at first, but he found it easier to navigate and thats when he found out baout snake II

found it a bit pointless at first but despite saying that, he doesnt realize that thats the only thing he does besids fencing

snake II is his pre workout

the only thing he will be doing before his fencing practice

before meals

and before bed

‘‘jean are you sure you haven’t had enough of snake II..?’‘ comte asked causiously as he never know how his son Jean would react

jean looked at comte and stayed silent for a hot minute

‘‘no’‘

Napoleon

OK FLASH BACK TO MY E BOY NAPOLEON FANART FROM 2021

its official

He plays league of legends

Napoleon is deffo a jungle/top main

Jungle preferabbly

Bros actually cracked coz hed turn any non meta champs into an absolute beast

I see him being especially good with pantheon jungle

Hed play league with jean tbh

And jean would be a dedicated top

But i dont see jean being the best player..

No, like imagine napoleon defending jean from "top troll" and getting spammed "?" On his lane

Napo would literally go to that persons lane just to steal their minion last hits

If hes feeling extra hed even use pantheons ult to yeet over to that player to ks all the minions on that person's lane 😭

"Jgl troll gg"

Ok napo is actually not toxic and is rly nice to play with

Hed even supp for you if ur learning a new champ

Hes only toxic to people who are toxic to his buddies

Comte

Ill be honest

Comte looks like someone who would download all games from every ad pop up he gets

And im talking about anything gacha related

He does not care whether the game is explicit or not as long as he can collect pretty characters

Is he interested in the gameplay??? Probably not.

"For what reason did you spend $$$$$$ on xxx game???" Leonardo asked as he scrolled through comte's in game billings, cocking an eyebrow

"Hm? Well i simply wanted to collect all of these lovely looking characters."

"Without leveling up your characters?"

"Non"

"Do you understand how to play this game?"

Comte only looked at him with his unwavering smile

"honestly this is the most ridicilous spending ive witness from you, heh" Leo snorted

"Much appreciated, but i dont recal asking for any input, old friend" comte retorted

Leo looked at him and sighed

"Honestly at this point i shouldn't be surprised"

.

.

This took me forever to upload because i coulndn't figure what type of game comte would play then one day i was like AHAAAAA

Also i didn't proof read as always so pls dont chop my head off :"))

[rainbowpui]

"SJ abused many talented disciples"

But it wasn't mentioned anywhere other than SY's chapters and I dont trust SY's pov on SJ especially not when he thought that SJ SA-ed NYY,SJ was in love with QHT, killed LQG and helped LBH to kill YQY.

LITERALLY SY is an unreliable narrator. he THINKS he knows everything about PIDW but most of what he thought at the beginning of the novel gets disproved. its... literally an important plot point that SY makes problems for himself bc hes too hung up on what he THINKS he knows about the characters. But like..... 99% of this is shown to be wrong....

in fact... realizing that almost everything he thought about sj is wrong.... is part of what makes him realize that what he has been thinking about LBH has been wrong too. why would we have to take his word from the START OF THE NOVEL about that when he discover he was wrong about everything else?

when sy wakes up all of sj's disciples were crowded around him worried and wanting for their shizun to wake up (except lbh). that.. doesnt exactly make me feel like they all hate him.

sy claims that sj was a lecher who lusted after his students..... but when we actually see sj's pov it turns out he isnt going to the brothels for sex but because thats the only place he can feel comfortable away from men bc of his trauma. we know its canon that he cares for nyy bc sy literally uses sj's care for her as a way to get around ooc and help lbh, but theres literally nothing to imply his affection is sexual in nature. sj saves qht and drags her away from the fire bc he feels indebted to her for being his only escape from the abuse by the other members of her household, not bc hes in love with her. even when saving her puts him in danger bc thats a loose end that can and does come back to bite him. tbh i cant say its canon that hes gay.... but he certainly doesnt seem to show any interest in women and gives "all of his loyalty" to another man and waits for him like a maiden waiting for her lover to return lol

we learn in the sqh extras that not only did sj not kill lqg in the caves but he tried to save him and just failed that time. we literally SEE sj save lqg on the mission with sqh and then get embarrassed and not even ask for credit for it.

sy blames sj for "killing yqy" but when we see the 79 extras.... he literally tries to push him away and tells him to leave when hes captured so that yqy stays safe and literally mentions that when he was FORCED BY LBH to write the letter he tried to make it obvious that its a trap. why is sj being blamed for lbh killing yqy just to hurt him???? sy CLAIMS to know everything about PIDW but literally the point mxtx is making by showing that sy is wrong about everything about sj.... is that maybe he doesnt know as much as he thinks... he thinks that lbh was the cause of the jinlani city plague as well and THAT is wrong too. (it was actually..... sy's fault. for releasing zzl.. OOPS.)

I dont care if he THOUGHT sj was like that at the start of the novel. hes not actually a reliable source!! esp at the start sj definitely DID abuse lbh. i dont think most sj stans will deny that or pretend that what he did was right. but.... we dont actually see him treat any other disciples poorly. if anything sy is the one making everyone else run laps and teaching them nothing to the point that sqh mentions that the disciples turn from "scholars" into "adhd children".... sy HIMSELF admits that its a good thing sj taught his students enough that they can basically run the sect on their own so that he can be lazy and do nothing and delegate to everyone else. i imagine that he might have been a bit strict as a teacher to the other students but thats not the same as abusing all of them. its literally just lbh he had an issue with

sometimes i feel like ppl didnt even read the same book when they take everything sy says at face value. hes a flawed character who is forced to rethink all the things he thought about BOTH sj AND lbh after witnessing sj's backstory makes him realize..... he cant actually assume he knows everything about these characters just bc he read PIDW. SQH himself admits that the sv universe is based on his rough draft, NOT on the dumbed down version that he was forced to write for the $$$ that sy ended up reading

somehow ppl can admit that sy was wrong about other characters but not about sj even when we see him proven wrong on screen??? its really strange... sj did SOME things wrong but not 99% of the shit ppl accuse him of

[eskawrites]

[Director's commentary] Any crumbs you can throw my way about the Oh Death, Where Is Your Sting? series (aka Raise Dead series my absolute beloved) will be much appreciated! Few fics hurt as much and as good as this series does tbh lol <3

yes oh my gosh raise dead my beloved <3 a few fun facts:

the original working title was 'Revivify' because that is a much more common resurrection spell in modern D&D, but Revivify 1) has to be cast immediately after death, so it didnt work for the story and 2) didn't exist in original AD&D, so that's not what they'd be calling it anyway

Dustin talks a little bit about how the spell needs to be cast in a certain amount of time (one day per cleric level) or else it won't work. El obviously doesn't have actual levels as a spellcaster, but I did equate it to her age. She's 14, so they had 14 days to cast the spell or else it wouldn't work. They cut it pretty close. Dustin tells them all his theory 12 days after Robin dies, and they revive her on day 13

there's a lot of Critical Role inspiration in this tbh, to the point that I was tempted to write a Matthew Mercer style resurrection ceremony for Robin. El battling to free Robin from Vecna also took some vague inspiration from Percy and Orthax in the Vox Machina campaign. but by the time I started writing I strayed a bit away from that and turned into a good ol' fashioned demodog/vecna mind battle fight instead because that fit better

part 2 of this series, "what could've been, would've been," was written entirely just so I could write out Robin's happy memory of everyone hanging out by the pool

there is zero actual plot in my notes for the rest of this series, even though i do have a lot of notes and scenes written out. that's part of why i haven't returned to it yet--i don't really know what the deal is with vecna now that he no longer has robin, and tbh that i don't reallyyyy care all that much. but what i do want to explore is the impact that dying and resurrecting has on robin. it's an idea i love to think about in actual D&D--when resurrection is possible, what does that mean for the characters who experience it? how does it affect the natural cycle of life? in the "real world," aka stranger things canon, how does it affect the way el sees herself and her powers? or the way robin views herself and her place in the world? and what kind of impact does it have on her body? her mind? her emotions? her relationships with everyone around her?

there's a part of Robin that worries she's too broken to be loved, after she comes back. the more symptoms she has because of her death, the more she thinks she's not good enough for Nancy

there's also a scene with her and Erica, which tbh is the thing I'm most looking forward to writing in future parts of this series, where she steps between Erica and a demodog and it fucks them both up a little bit, the idea that Robin could die again protecting the people she loves, and the idea that Erica could lose her again because she's protecting her

Nancy develops a habit of feeling Robin's pulse anytime she gets stressed or scared. it gets to the point that Robin will grab Nancy's hand and place it over her heart as a way to calm her down or steady her. Nancy is embarrassed by it for a while, but it is the most effective way to comfort her

[pommunist]

I do wonder a little if the very different reactions to Pomme and Dapper's beds being included in the stream might in part be like... a difference in people used to seeing a new admin play an egg? The situations are very different and that should be acknowledged and looked at and even if as is likely the case QStudios owns all rights to the NPCs created for QSMP it would feel extremely icky to me to give Pomme especially a new admin. But at the same time... I do wonder if people more used to say, Chayanne, who has had 2 different main admins and been played by 4 or 5 different admins regularly enough the different forms have nicknames are more... accepting of the idea? Because the idea of an egg belonging only to the one actor is less comprehensible to them, as it's not what they're used to? Ramón's situation might be closer, but again 2 admins at least. Im almost certain I've seen Tallulah played by someone else when her admin was sick, and I've no doubt some of the other eggs have occassionally been played by others due to admin illness even if not long term.

(This is not to say it's main the issue (even without eggs being acted Sunny's admin should have known what was happening just for bigger issues with the stream alone - admin health and treatment is far more important than what they provide) I'm just. Trying to think of reasons why reactions I saw were as polarised as they were, with half my dash treating it like parading a corpse in the street and the other half like this was entirely expected and normal.)

Oh that’s a good question anon !!

First, the ownership of the characters is a tricky point that I don’t have an answer to as intellectual property laws are extremely complicated and not something I know much about tbh.

And on the topic of admin change, I think public reception depends a lot of the cause of said change : For example, when Ramon switched admins, huevitos were perfectly fine with it as it was assumed that the OG had taken a break for studying purposes so it was not a problem (turns out they were fired 🥲). It’s the same whenever an admin steps up to punctually or long term play another character because their admin is too busy with irl stuff, other work within Qstudios, is sick…. (like what I assume happened for Chayanne)

Pomme’s situation is different because of Lumi’s circumstances and the fact that she asked for her character to end with her leaving. Plus the fact that CCs have said before that they didnt want her to be replaced, even before that whole situation, I remember at least Antoine saying he would rather have Pomme dead than be played by someone else. I’d say the french speaking side got quite attached to her as, with all the sidelining we went through, both her character and admin were our only beacon of representation within Qstudios/QSMP 🥹

Also something that makes me kinda ehhhh about saying that there are people who are completely fine with admins changes because their fav character went through at least one is remembering the whole Pepito/otipep mess that had people go mad because Pepito had an admin change for a few days and they didn’t like the "new personnality" or whatever ? (Couldn’t tell the details of it as my spanish suck and Roier often streams in the middle of the night for me, but I remember the twitter shit storm)

Finally about the eggs being like kidnapped and in a coma (I think ? didn’t watch the stream) I guess it’s an okay way to put them on hold while sorting things out + an opportunity to explain in lore if you have to kill some because no more admins ? Or at least it would have been okay if all the eggs admins still working would have been made aware that their characters was being put on hold 😀

[spider-jaysart]

What was the last comic you read & your least favorite?

@pin-crusher2000

Last comic:

Supersons haha, because I love rereading it

Least favorite:

Ooooh sooooo many!!!😤

(Incoming spoilers about some of them btw, in case you plan on reading some of these)

1. The comic that Bendis wrote, which caused Jon's whole age up and then changed everything for him in his life in main comics after that

2. The Supersons comic that starred the older, current version of the boys, because even though it was supposed to be like "Oh look fans! The boys are back!!", It just wasn't the same since DC already messed things up. And there were also some ooc moments inside the book too in a way where it felt like they swapped a bit of personalities🤨, which was pretty odd and didnt help so much for the enjoyment either

3. Don't know if you know this video game series or not, but it's called Telltales the walking dead games, and after the series ended, a comic series called Clementine was released a while after that and it's all so horrible, because it ruins everything about Clementine (the main character) and the good ending she had in the last game, making all the struggles she went through in her survival journey over the years to keep living and hopefully find peace one day seem like it was all actually for nothing. The writer doesn't understand her at all and mischaracterizes her so much that it's super annoying!! I HATE that book so much!!!😤😤 That is not my Clementine, just Tangerine

4. The Legion of heroes comic where they met Damian, because the way they treated and spoke about him, especially right in front of him and also Jon who they know is his friend, was just so disgusting to see and I was disappointed in the way Jon handled it and how he still joined their team after that AND the fact that he still dated Saturn girl too. His written reaction during that moment just wasn't enough, because I believe he should've been way more mad about it all, lost some respected interest in their group, and have his feelings on Saturn girl really changed up afterwards, which he would've been right for and it fits his character better because he's protective of his loved ones like that

5. Marvel zombies. I've never read it before, so I can't say if anythings wrong with it, since I don't know how most of it's story throughout the series goes to actually say if it has good or bad writing, but I just hate whenever I see it, because it's all just really gross and too messed up for me. Don't get me wrong though, because I love apocalypse stories, they're my faves, it's just that looking at this series and the stuff that happens on page feels a bit too much for me

6. Beast Boy by Kami Garcia.

Idk if this counts enough to be added into the list, cause the book was good, it was fine, it's just an annoying thing that stuck with me that changes my view on the book whenever I reread it now, because Beast boy seemed like he was genuinely really into the popular girl in the story, but then at the end it turned out he was actually just using her to get the feel of being popular and that just didn't sit so well with me when I read that part, because that just only makes it look like that's all he ever really wanted from her now and wasn't actually interested fr, even when he did look like it. Then he just runs off onto an adventure in the end after admitting to his friends that he didn't actually care that much about her anymore, just when he had finally gotten her invested in him and it's like, dude, what the heck??? That's how you handle it????

7. "Beast boy loves Raven" and "Robin" both by Kami Garcia

These are both also fine stories, it's just another thing about one of the romances, which doesn't let me really get through the books so well the way I want to. Damian falls for Raven's sister in "Beast boy loves Raven", a little too quickly tbh, and soon starts dating her, which is continued in "Robin" (because ofc he does, he can never just be a single kid that's not being set up everytime with whatever same age girl they can throw at him or just can't be left not crushing on some mature woman who's way too old for him, which is just icky whenever that happens). It feels weird because he's instantly into her the second they meet without him getting to know her, he's flirting right away back with her when he doesn't actually get like that in canon and mostly keeps his feelings to himself when it comes to crushes since he's reserved, and then he begins dating her after not too long and then they're pretty close and so cutesy playful as a couple, which should be fine, but it's just the way it's done that feels off to me loll, and I'm not so sure how to exactly explain the vibe, like it's too overly sweet in a way that's just not fitting because it was kind of quick and Damian seemed way too expressive with it a lot??? Probably not the right way to say it, idk lmaooo, but a friend of mines also understands and feels the same on the whole topic here. Like, it all just feels ooc on Damian's part the way his character there handles the whole thing. And this is not because I'm a Damijon fan loll, cause even if it was Jon in the love interest role instead of Raven's sister in the two books, I wouldn't want it to be rushed either. I would want Damian to have to get to know him better too before actually developing any romantic feelings and showing any signs of interest in him, and after a good while of getting to do that, then he grows more comfortable around him and they start dating later, cause that would fit his character better and would make the cute, playfulness feel more fitting in the relationship and seem more natural since they've already gotten close enough to be that way. It's one of the reasons why I like Damijon lol, because they're both already so close in their friendship, that dating could work between them so well. Once again though, this is all just my opinion that I'm expressing

8. I am not Starfire

That book is just so dumb lmaooo, only the art is good. Mandy, the daughter of Starfire, is an annoying, spoiled child who only envies and disrespects her Mother, makes everything about herself, gets too mad about everything for no good reason, and she doesn't even share any Tamaranean features with Starfire in looks either, except for the green eyes and very normal looking ginger hair, like seriously??? Dick is obviously the Dad, but he won't step up to get involved at all and pretends this isn't his problem, and I hate that this a trope that keeps happening whenever Dick and Starfire have kids with eachother, one of them gets taken away or either just leaves the other on their own to deal with everything, which sucks, because they should be able to be a happy family all together already where the kids grow up with them both in their lives, not more of this. Anyways, besides those mentioned things, everything else in this book is also very annoying and makes no sense too and it's not worth the read at all because of it

9. The Injustice crossover with Jon

Most of that book was annoying, like for example when Injustice!Clark broke Jay's arm and then Jon threateningly went into Ultra power mode just to....give Clark a hug for it. Like wtf lmaoooo???? He was overly playing pacifist and it was so, so stupidly silly. And I don't even know what's going on in that universe now after he left it, like that's how much of nothing he did in there, except get sassy with everyone and try befriending Injustice!Damian lolll, which made things feel like a literal waste of time in the crossover when it seemed like he would actually try changing things up in there somehow

Okay, so I think that's it for now, cause I can't think of anymore books at the moment lol, so thanks for the ask, crusher! I like that I got to express about some of these! :)

(I apologize if these rants were a bit much btw, I just get like that sometimes because I don't get to do it enough😅, so, sorry about that, unless you're fine with it though and actually like reading that, which is awesome then, cause then I've got a good listener loll)

[bitter-as-wormwood-13]

Aughhhhhh Not to time princess blog but I'm playing the Sacred Beast for the first time and Ive done the Yazdan route and I'm in the middle of the Reza route and like..... is Reza gonna be Anson 2 for me? like the guy who is at least objectively somewhat evil but acts nice at the start and is a romantic interest so you're not even starting with the premise of Villain romance (fine and normal enough) you're just going "oh I like this guy! ...what do you mean he's evil?"

I mean. tbh Reza is in a worse spot than Anson for me rn because part of his actions were the inherent story setup of Rae and Zackarias are engaged because I didnt choose that. To some extent you the player are supposed to have choices but if I the player had the choices I wanted, I would not be engaged to Zackarias and Anson wouldn't be kidnapping Rae to trap her in a time loop because I would just. be his girlfriend. it's not an excuse for the kidnapping obviously, but the way the story jumps around really lends to the "well I would simply not do that" vibe because it HAS to go the same because that's how you get to the first part of the story.

Meanwhile, Reza...... like, respect for taking action I guess and its not like the people in power were good but.... He's just doing stuff. I'm assuming there's a neutral ending where maybe he turns out ok, especially based on the valentines(?) event where Anson went to Persia (which is uh. really funny looking at it now with the comparisons I'm making) but right now he's just a meaniehead

...when I started the story I thought that maybe, MAYBE there would be a route where Yazdan/Reza happened because of that one CG but I'm doubting it now. If they won't do it I will. Gimme the yaoi ray (and the yuri ray. Asha/Yasmin too)

[transgender-eichi]

your turn mutual! Top 3 Danganronpa and Enstars characters! :D

big essay type paragraph, so it's under the break:

aahh its been so long since i played danganronpa!!

since i've only played the official games, my faves from eacj game:

Trigger Happy Havoc: Leon Kuwata

rest in pieces. Idk what it was about him but i just really liked him. His design, his personality, his struggles. He defo didnt get enough development (since he got executed first...) but he's my top fave i think. I just really like him.

DR2 Goodbye Despair: Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu

again, i dont really know why i like him, i just love LOVE his character arc in the game. he's just a little guy tbh. He's also my only fave that actually survived in the games lmao

DRV3 Killing Harmony: Kaito Momota

I LOVE HIM. he deserved better :(. although i dislike how they ended the series with the whole meta thing, i have to say i still liked the game alot. Kaito could be a little annoying but i genuinely loved him. He just wanted to be an astronaut man. Love him

I should really replay the games tbh. I have them all on the switch-

ENSEMBLE STARS!!!!

1. Tomoya Mashiro

oh my god i love this boy so much. genuinely. I cant even remember when i started liking him, because he wasn't my original favorite character. It was his RELOADED card that got me into his character though. I'm a big zombie and zombie apocalypse guy, and seeing this little guy in a ZOMBIE APOC THEMED CARD!! made me go a little insane. And it just kinda spiralled from there- I love his design, his personality, his interests, his struggles, his interactions with the other characters- he's just an incredible character to me. He's the "Average" boy, but he's honestly so, so much more than that. He's the leader of Ra*bits, (my favorite unit and imo the best one~), he's an incredible actor, he reads manga, he loves animals (he's got like a disney princess-like power with animals-), he loves his omurice, he loves idols, he loves his unit, he's just so passionate. His insecurities speak to me personally too, and it's like this little guy was made just for me. He may seem cute and plain, but he's such a nuanced character. It's the way that, since he feels boring surrounded by all of the chaos and such from the idol world, he's able to stay right-minded- such as in the RELOADED story. He's so insecure about being forgotten or being uninteresting, and he wants to stand out because he believe that he isn't impressive or special enough to be a good idol, and he works on that every day. He's a leader, and a friend, and can bring a certain bluntness and reason-mindedness when he needs to. He's just, hands down, my favorite character in the entire game.

2. Mao Isara

Mao was my first ever favorite in the game, and has constantly remained a favorite of mine since the beginning. This can be partially accredited to my bsf ( @autisticmao ) lmao, but also i just honestly love him. He's so underrated and such an interesting and deep character, with a beautiful voice, appearance, and personality. I genuinely love him as a character, and always will.

3. Yuzuru Fushimi

It's actually also Ky's fault that i started liking yuzu aswell, even if they somewhat deny it. They introduced yuzumao as a ship to me (which is one of my fave ships still tbh) and i kinda just started loving his character. His backstory is so interesting and the way he interacts with other characters, and his personality, and just. He's such an interesting character. I may not be the biggest finé fan (im defo not an eichiP, despite my username), but yuzuru's just different for me. I love him quite a lot for many reasons.

aaandd that's all! if you wanna know more lmk, im happy to share :D

especially about tomoya. i love him sm.

ofc there's other characters i like quite a lot, but these are my top faves.

[stardustsomewhere]

can we get a fruit cult saga recap :0

yes sorry it took me so long to reply!

my ex gf (lemon) got me into the cult because she was like oh theres this funny groupchat im in can you join so a few days after she joined i did. at first it was all really funny and sweet and any red flags seemed like ill timed jokes? like they had a groupchat called THE PIT they would send you too but it felt so silly i didnt notice it was weird.

anyways after a few weeks i suddenly checked the gc at work and saw they were egging my girlfriend on who was on the roof of her office building. for context shes deathly afraid of heights. they kept telling her to jump or to scream at people down below and call them slurs. i was sure it was a bad bit until she posted photos and then i left work to go get her. i found her in the stairwell having a panic attack and talking about the "angels" and how she was hearing voices and stuff. genuinely terrifying stuff

i was out of my element so i just called my mom and asked her what to do and she said hospital ASAP so i drove my gf there. they didnt really take her seriously but kept her for about 72 hours but when they released her she dumped all her medicine and refused to take it. i forced her to for a bit but she was still acting weird so i gave up and was planning on leaving

then one night i ate some mushrooms she had forged and went CRAZY and ran out the house. i didnt get too far before my body rejected it and i puked and passed out. my gf thankfully had enough sense to take me to the hospital and we both had to get our stomachs pumped (awful, do not suggest) turns out for a while she had been misidentifying mushrooms and i had avoided dishes with it in it cause i hate mushrooms and never noticed.

so it seemed like really good at this point! we were dedicated together to making sure nobody else got hurt and we were going to transition the group chat into a much safer version with everyone getting help and such. i wanted to stop apple from hurting herself and others. then apple demoted lemon from her stupid rank (top rank was ring) and lemon LOST HER MIND. she was so upset it was all she talked about

then she threw another member under the bus to get promoted again and started acting really distant and weird. we stopped talking about how we were going to help them see the truth and get out of all the brain washing and more about if we believe in the fruit god (im an atheist and she knows this. this is important to me as a physicist too plus religious trauma)

then is started getting sick and after a few days i started acting and doing erratic stuff. i was fully aware it wasnt normal and called off work for a few days to figure it out. i was about to go to the dr when someone told me to check me food on here and lo and behold, the mushrooms again. she had been putting it in my food ON PURPOSE THIS TIME

the next morning after sleeping the shrooms off as much as i could i opened my phone to see she decided our apartment was OPEN TO ANYONE IN THE CULT. she was having the leader come LIVE WITH US! i had been given no time to know let alone consent. i paid half the rent and most the bills (she helped in other ways dw it was very 50/50) and i was just so upset and scared that i just said its over. i took my cat and most my stuff (left my furniture, there was no hope of moving it) and just moved in with a friend. thank god she had a spare room for an office she was willing to rent to me.

bcs i left now everyone in the cults really mad at me so i honestly just got overwhelmed and shut my phone off. i dont wanna text them for a few days tbh. it was just too much. especially this one guy called fig, they were just always so mean to me it made me cry several times. they kept trying to find ways to hurt me, including some ableist stuff about how i should do drugs even if i medically cant. some of their friends (shrimp and plum) also went out of there way to attack me and try and physiologically torture me. i felt so bad i just shut my phone off

honestly at this point idk the benefit to trying to be anyones friend in this cult. idk why im even trying to help them. i feel used and abused. i feel VERY abused. i dont know. lifes hard

[babybabymerrychristmas]

on my hunger games bullshit but to further my analysis of president snow, lets turn to Coin and why her arc mirrors snow so precisely as well as the symbolism of her being murdered right in front of snow and the others.

first, snow and coin are both power-hungry fascists. they do not give a fuck about the districts, they only want to be the one doling out punishment but Coin is just as arrogant in her own snake-like intelligence as Snow is that she makes a critical mistake just before her death. She confesses to Katniss that she was a pawn in her own mastermind strategy to take power from Snow not to end the games but to dole out her own form of justice against who she considered to be the ultimate "evil."

in this moment, we see the startling comparison to Snow in her belief that she could speak to the GIRL WHO WON HER REVOLUTION FOR HER like that and expect her to go along with these "punishment" games, as if she isnt all too aware of the official narrative of the CURRENT games SHE LOST HER SISTER to change, as if Coin didnt know she LOST HER SISTER FIGHTING FOR COIN, but Coin believed Katniss would cow in fear of her "leadership" over all 13 districts, believed Katniss would cow under her "cunning" strategy to win power for herself and believed Katniss would feel out-numbered by her superior wit and inteliigence to Katniss specifically. Thats why she invited the other victors, some of which she knew were angry enough to agree in the heat of moment with Coin, as a way to force Katniss to submit to her privately and then publically because Coin believed she was smart enough to control anyone, just like Snow did. Except unlike Snow, she differed in just one critical aspect.

Her hubris led her to lie to Katniss and everyone else around her because she believed nobody was smart enough to pick up on those lies. She believed that nobody could fool her, and that is when Katniss called her bluff by pretending to agree herself. if Coin was as smart as Snow, as smart as Katniss, she would have known right then and there that she had fucked up. not even Snow was presumptuous enough to believe he could lie to Katniss, no he KNEW he would have to be honest with her in order to get her to move even a little bit the way he wanted her and if Coin was even smarter than Snow, she would have realized that Katniss would never have let her get away with her identical plan to Snow.

The fact that she brought Katniss in front of her supporters, whom I fully believed she expected would protect her from Katniss because she thinks everyone is as image obssesed as she is, to kill Snow and then she stood right on top of him, the visual representation of being a bigger threat than Snow could ever be because at least Snow had fucking a moral code, and expected Katniss to do her bidding for her and usher in her reign of terror was absolutely brilliant of Collins tbh.

it shows us that the most dangerous move of all is the assumption that you are the smartest person to have ever existed, because other people are just as capable of lying to your face as boldly as you do. it shows us that even the most terrifying of villains can be taken down and stopped by another human killing them because ultimately their power is not innate. it is earned through fear, abuse, and terror and that is something that good humans can always overcome because we just fucking outnumber the villains.

the most powerful lesson from the hunger games is that we're all fucking human, every last one of us and we all have reasons to behave badly but at our core, we should try and be good because if we give in to our evil impulses, we will ALWAYS be outnumbered by the sheer amount of good that exists in the world.

[tojisun]

Sorry it turned into a depressing rant

Anon who asked about your fav studio ghibli movie here!

I love howls moving castle so much, I love the part when Sophie starts cleaning the house, I love how comforting it is

I love the sass from everyone, I love how kind Sophie is

I love howls line “I see no point in living if I can’t be beautiful” as much as it sucks I agree with him. I’m not smart so the only thing I can offer is my looks and personality to people I meet. If I’m not beautiful, then what’s the point? Sorry if it sounds shallow but when you have nothing to offer in this world, the only thing I can work on is how good I look and present myself. I know I shouldn’t think like that, it’s damaging

Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder, there will be people who find you attractive and there will be people who won’t. People you find attractive, others won’t, so sometimes I try not to think too much about it since we never know.

All my life I’ve been slow academically. My siblings are all smarter than me so I’m always the dumb one. I’m not skinny but I’m working on it, even tho it’s so hard, but I have to be skinny, my life will definitely turn around when I’m not too self conscious about my body. I know I’ll still have those negative thoughts and even after I’m skinny I won’t be happy but, as of now, I never leave the house, my anxiety about how I look keeps me from taking in person classes. I never want to leave the house unless I look good, because I don’t want anyone seeing me at my worst, I want everyone to see me as the best version of myself. So I never leave, my social skills have tanked since 2020 since that was the last time I took a in person class, and that was in high school 😭😭

I feel so immature and stupid, and people my age (19) are doing better than me. I just give up before I even try, and I’m so behind since I’m in my third year of college and I still don’t have an official major, I’m so behind, and last semester I didn’t take any classes cuz I was so depressed and embarrassed, since I failed two classes. It’s an horrible cycle of pity and dread and I’m scared I’ll never get rid of it. And I’m scared of talking to men, but I’m supposed to get married and have a kid before I’m 30 since you’re more fertile and it’s better to have kids young, and I’d love that but I’m scared my kids will turn out like me, disappointments. And I won’t know how to fix them.

So yeah… we veered off of howls moving castle.. my bad💀

re:

!! this got long im so sorry

first of: pls dont apologize! u are welcome to vent here in my blog, im happy to just be a bouncing wall to u guys (if my usually long responses arent what u guys wanted to see). thank u for trusting me (us) with this and im truly sorry for how late im responding

i do love those parts of howls moving castle! i never understood why howl was lamenting about his looks when i thought he looked beautiful w orange hair. orange used to be my favourite colour ^v^ it isnt one rn but i am still fond of it.

i loved orange even when howl didnt – u are correct that beauty in the eye of the beholder. beauty also goes a long way. it’s a horrible reality but when u grew up fat, u get told so many times about how much better life would be if u could just lose weight. i truly cant tell u when i stopped thinking so little of myself.

honestly love, its just so recent when i felt good enough in my own skin – blemishes n all. i never thought itd get better tbh; i thought itd stay this way but it got better. and im scared to promise to you a range of when it will get better, but i do know that it will.

u feel immature bc u are still young! 19 is so young so pls dont punish urself for feeling young, for thinking young, for not knowing anything past being young yet. as a younger sibling, ik for a fact im still so immature. it took me getting a job (during the weekdays) n going to uni for me to mature up, n i was 20 when that happened. so recent!

i also completed my associates slowly bc i was struggling in college! i once took a sem where i only had one class bc i was so overwhelmed that i had to slowly pace myself so i can keep going. high school babies u n then boom, u get hit w juggling responsibilities in college that kinda makes u wanna quit – but u didnt. u took a break and then bounced back!! my love, if that isnt resilience, then what is?

ive never wanted to settle down. i think its bc i thought id be gone by now that i just dont see myself having a family of my own so i apologize for not knowing how to empathize about the ‘deadline’ but u are just 19. before age 30 is so far away! u have sm to live for in between those years. sm to experience and to meet and to love!

also, not having a major yet is also fine! i declared a minor just this year – and im a fourth year already. pls dont worry. u have time – that is something i wanna keep emphasizing. u have time. it feels like the world is collapsing rn bc of fear and anxiety which, my old therapist told me, is a sign that u (and i) wanna keep going. that u wanna keep living.

and from what i could see, especially coming from me who wanted to just give it all up, that is enough. i know that the reasons behind u working on urself isnt a sustainable mentality, but hopefully one day u will wake up and own ur hard work for urself. not for others.

aaaa this got too long im so sorry, im being emotional on my end but i just want u to know: u are not a disappointment. u arent.

ur alive and ur making connections and ur trying ur best (even though it doesnt feel like that on ur end but u are!!) so how could u be a disappointment? and even if u dont wanna do anything, ur also not a disappointment. not even then.

ur future kids will be so lucky and happy to have u as their mom. and they too will be beautiful; they wont need any fixing bc there isnt anything broken to fix.

i love you. i dont know who u are but i love you. i love all of you.