#tbh some days my mental health is so bad but i hold myself back from anything because i have family that depend on me

[swiss-cheez]

.

[hadesrise]

meet the addams.

previous part.

summary ➳ the bat family meets the addams family

pairings ➳ jason todd x addams!male reader

warnings ➳ fluff, strong language, pet names, hesitant bruce, weapons, typical addams family behavior ( homicide, dark humor, weird, etc ), jason and reader being a simp for each other, the addams being wholesome as always, implied reader’s atheism (i think the entire addams are atheist tbh), mention of torture

author’s note ➳ wow, hades updated !! shocking, i know. i'm sorry for the long hiatus and inactive, i wasn't okay and it was difficult for me to write when my mind was in such a messed up state. mental health can be a bitch, you know :D i'm trying to recover, and went back on writing again. hope this was a good comeback.

Letting his family meet you hadn’t crossed Jason’s mind at all until that very day when his annoying older brother caught him by the ice cream truck buying a dark chocolate and a mint chocolate flavored ice cream.

Dick was on officer duty patrol in undercover civilian clothes that afternoon, walking around the streets of Gotham in hopes of catching some shady business going around the city or just someone doing a simple act that goes against the law, being a good police officer that he is. Though, instead of seeing criminals like he assumed he would, his most rebellious little brother dressed in bad boy-ish clothes as usual buying ice creams caught his eyes.

He was supposed to walk right past since there really is no reason to approach Jason, but seeing him sit down next to a mysterious, old fashioned, well-dressed, expensive looking guy in all black with sunglasses resting on the bridge of his nose and give the dark chocolate flavored ice cream to? Now, Dick certainly can’t walk past without knowing about you because he’s a little shit who just can’t help but stuck his nose into his brother’s business. That and, well, he also found you really cool. There’s not a thing in this world that can stop Dick Grayson from wanting to befriend someone who seems cooler than the Dark Knight himself.

So, in all his glory, Dick approached Jason with his usual charming smile dancing across his lips.

“Oh, god...” Jason groaned in annoyance as soon as he spotted the grinning male, rolling his eyes. Peace seems to never be an option whenever he takes you around the city for simple walks.

“Jason, are you uttering your all father’s name religiously or simply as an expression as of the moment?” Your elegant yet soothing, deep voice speaks out a sentence composed of well thought words and syllables, innocent curiosity behind the gentle tone.

Dick takes a mental note that your way of speaking sounded similar to the way humanity used to speak centuries ago, when everything was still old-fashioned and technologies hardly ever existed. It made him feel like you came from the past, as if he was witnessing the existence of a time traveler. Stopping in front of you two, he gives you a charming grin as soon as your eyes catches his. A hint of curiosity and wonder flashed within them behind the dark shades of your sunglasses before they were gone in an instant, replaced by a questioning look instead.

“May I help you?” You simply asked, but Dick doesn’t fail to notice the sudden drop in your previously soft tone and the piercing, calculated gaze holding wariness as well as subtle suspicion.

“Sorry, I’m Dick Grayson. I was curious about the person Jay’s hanging out with, I couldn’t help myself but approach.” He elaborates himself while trying his best to ensure he wasn’t a threat through body language, relaxing his figure. “I’m sorry if I freaked you out a little.”

Recognition flashed in your face, brows raising only barely to show subtle surprise, “Jason’s older brother. The name’s (Y/n) Addams. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” You smiled, and even something just as simple as that looked graceful in Dick’s eyes.

Somewhat unsurprisingly, you were enchanting to look at as everything you do or say was captivating. How Jason managed to pull you was beyond him.

“Nice to meet you too,” He says back with a soft smile.

Even though his little brother hasn’t introduced you yet to their family, at least you seemed to know about them. Hopefully, nothing unpleasant has been said, but Dick doubts Jason would hide his trauma from you, considering how he was leaning to your side now subconsciously, as if being away from you will bring back awful memories.

He was worried about his practically traumatized-for-life little brother living alone, but it appears he didn’t have to worry at all.

“What are you doing here, Dick?” Jason more of grumbled, annoyed that your date has been interrupted. Almost automatically, one of your hands move to settle itself on his thigh to give it a gentle and soothing rub to ease his growing annoyance, while the other held your dark chocolate ice cream that you had begun eating with clean manners. He relaxed in an instant after feeling your touch.

“I think you should introduce (Y/n) to our family, Jay.” Dick suggests with enthusiasm that didn’t match Jason’s, not really answering his question. “They would want to know who you’re going out with. We can all have a dinner together!” There was excitement shining in his eyes as he shrugged his shoulders, trying to remain nonchalant despite his body language practically screaming excited.

Your lover groans, “Why the hell do they have to know who I’m going out with?”

Amusement crosses your face as you smirked, licking off the small bits of ice cream that got on your lips. “I wouldn’t be opposed to that. I’m certain my family will be more than happy to meet them.” Jason gives you a look, to which you responded with an innocent smile. “Oh, mon amour. What could go wrong? I have been looking forward to meet your family, but you’ve never considered to bring me there. It’s a little concerning how you seem too hesitant to let them meet me.” You pout, feigning sadness.

Your lover widens his eyes, panic appearing in them as he gripped your hand that was on his thigh after realizing what you were implying. “That’s not what it looks like, babe! I just don’t want you to meet them ‘cause they can be a bit unbearable. Bruce is the worst person you could ever meet,” He scrunched his nose. “It’s not you I don’t want them to meet, it’s them I don’t want you to meet. There’s a difference. You’re never the problem.”

You chuckled at his quick attempt of elaboration.

Jason feels his cheeks redden at how deeply elegant and amazing your laugh sounded; it never fails to make his heart go haywire even after all this time. You manage to effortlessly make him fall in love with you deeper and deeper every day without even meaning to.

“Worry not, darling. I was just teasing you. I’m far from upset.” Reassuring him, your hand gently cups his cheek to rub the skin comfortingly. “Let me meet them once you’ve gotten rid of your doubts completely, my Jason. It isn’t necessary to rush.” You then let go of his face to push some of his hair away from his forehead before leaning back to continue eating the ice cream.

Dick witnessed a starstruck smile spread across Jason’s lips in an instant, the way his expression was so soft when looking at you, how his emerald eyes that usually held pent-up rage towards the world sparks brightly in love and adoration.

Huh. He’s never seen his brother this happy and content.

Maybe you are Jason’s one true love.

“Dick,” Jason calls out after watching you eat your ice cream with a barely hidden happiness. You looked happy to meet one of his family even though you haven’t said anything, and he was willing to throw away his pride if it meant making you happy.

“Hm?” Dick hummed, smiling when Jason glanced at you and looked back at him.

“Tell the others.”

That was all he needed to let out the excitement he was holding in, beaming at you two. “Right away, little bird!” He doesn’t waste a time to pull his phone out of his pocket, “I’m going then. It was nice meeting you, (Y/n). I’ll text you when!” He waved his hand and walked away, already dialling Bruce’s number.

Jason watched him go incredulously. “Did he just come here to convince me to introduce you?”

You chuckle under your breath, “Perhaps. Your brother has sorted out his priorities well.” However, a frown appears on your lips when you turned to Jason. “Do you genuinely feel comfortable letting my family meet them? We could always cancel, mon amour. There are many other fascinating activities we can bother ourselves with.”

Jason felt his heart swell at your gentle tone and concerned eyes, making him feel loved in many different ways. You don’t even realize that you’re slowly healing his troubled heart with simple things like this. He already knows you love him more than the Guillotine itself (which is a really big deal since nothing except him could ever beat your love for it) as you’ve always told him before, but the way you treat him, talk to him, and look at him just adds so much weight on your words. You don’t just tell him you love him — you show it in the most perfect, best, casual ways.

Intertwining his hand with yours, he brought it up to rest on his chest, hiding how overwhelmed he was with the love for you. “Like what, sweetheart?” Faint amusement laced his tone as he already knew the answer.

“Like slicing or shooting criminals, of course.” You winked before bringing your intertwined hands to press a kiss on his knuckles.

Jason laughs, and you admired the way he threw his head back to let the sound escape. “Knew you would say that!” He wheezed, before calming down to kiss your knuckles just like you did to his. “But it’s really fine, (Y/n). I want to introduce you and your family to mine.” His expression then turns apologetic, “ ‘m sorry if it seemed like I was keeping you in the shadows.”

You shake your head and leaned in to capture his lips in a peck, a gesture to let him know you didn’t mind. “If you were keeping me in the shadows, we wouldn’t be having a date out in the open where any of your family can see me. Don’t be apologetic, chéri. I’m nowhere near upset.”

Letting a smile break out, Jason leans in to kiss you more longer this time before pulling away.

Just like that, you both sat on the bench and ate ice creams in comfortable silence, holding each other’s hand.

Dick, Tim, Damian, Barbara, Cassandra and Stephanie all stood in front of the Wayne Manor with barely contained excitement, waiting for the infamous Addams family and Jason to show up.

Dick was mainly looking forward for his family to see the side of Jason no one had ever seen before, Tim was occasionally standing on his tiptoes to see if any car was nearing, and Damian was keeping himself still but his body practically trembled with excitement due to being a fan of your vigilante persona for a long time. Barbara had a smile on her face with a hint of nervousness, while Cassandra and Stephanie talked to each other to calm their nerves.

Even without research, the Addams family was quite the celebrity family in Gotham because of their richness that seemed to tie with Bruce Wayne, but moreover, they were rather infamous for being “weird” and gothic as those experts for minding businesses that aren’t their own paparazzi claimed. The Wayne family didn’t really need to dive into the deepest parts of internet in their computer; one newspaper — with the front cover of five people with gothic outfits standing in front of the big ass almost-castle-house — dedicated entirely to the weird family already helped.

Only thing they needed to research about was you, and surprisingly, it wasn’t hard to find information about your vigilantism — which is how all of them realized not only was Jason dating the person Damian idolizes more than his own father, but also the one who brutally tortured and straight-up dumped Joker into Arkham Asylum. Needless to say, it kinda made sense to them that Jason’s dating you, though Bruce wasn’t pleased.

The gates being opened to a black limousine caught their attention, making Cass and Steph break their conversation to watch the car drive closer before eventually stopping in front of them. A butler, who took them by surprise due to his seemingly inhuman looks similar to the Frankenstein monster, got out to open the door.

A man wearing a black suit with white stripes was the first to come out of the limousine as he smiles cheerfully at them, helping his wife to step out. Cassandra’s jaw dropped at the beautiful woman with black, long and silky hair who gives them an enchanting, almost hypnotizing smile.

Next to step out were a boy wearing black and white striped shirt and a girl who had her hair braided on two sides. The boy gave them an all too adorable friendly smile, but his sister only held a blank face as she observed each of the Wayne members. Finally, Jason got out together with you, all of them noticing your intertwined hands.

Your lover raised his brows, “Why are you all here?”

“Well, Bruce said we didn’t have to, but we wanted to welcome you here.” Dick shrugged, nodding at you. “Good to see you again, (Y/n).”

“Likewise, Dick.” You smile. “Greetings, ladies, gentlemen. The name’s (Y/n). This are my parents Gomez and Morticia,” Your parents greet them with a nod and friendly smile. “And my siblings Wednesday and Pugsley.” Pugsley waves his hand, enthusiastic to meet Jason’s family, while Wednesday crosses her arms above her chest and simply nods without a word.

Dick was grinning at your siblings because of their adorableness, not even the slightest bit bothered by Wednesday’s lack of emotion. Cassandra and Tim were gawking at Gomez and Morticia, how they seem so perfect and gorgeous, not only each on their own but together as well. Stephanie and Barbara beamed at you while Damian observed Wednesday and Pugsley, but there wasn’t any hint of malice or bad intention in his eyes — just curiosity. The Addams family sure are good looking individuals.

“Uh — hi,” Tim was the first to speak out of the Wayne’s, awkwardly waving his hand because of the fact he felt as if the Addams were ethereal beings due to their beauty. “You... You all look beautiful. I’m surprised.”

Wednesday’s brows raised as you tilted your head slightly to the side, looking confused. Morticia and Gomez exchanges a glance from not knowing what to say, while Pugsley smiled nicely at Tim despite the truth of being called beautiful feels like an insult. Yours and your family’s reaction immediately worried the Wayne children; none of you seemed pleased or happy with the compliment Tim gave, in fact, you kind of looked offended.

Seeing his siblings getting worried that they might’ve done something wrong, Jason clears his throat to catch everyone’s attention and successfully did so. “What he means is you all look deadly and loathsome. He wasn’t trying to offend you in any way, he just isn’t used to our ways of compliment.” He elaborated with a genuine look, and his siblings looked taken aback that he seemed really calm and gentle with you and your family. Jason have always had anger issues; his rage was explosive everywhere he goes and the main victims of it were criminals, but sometimes it was directed entirely at Bruce because of their unpleasant history.

He was never known as a calm person even in the family. Always seemed on edge, like a walking bomb that’s ticking every second, unknown by people how to stop it from exploding so suddenly. However, as Jason stands with you holding your hand tightly, his entire demeanor was almost completely different from what his family was used to. He was as calm as a wind that caresses the Mother Nature so softly in fear of disturbing her and as gentle as anyone who holds a little kitten in their hands — there was no ticking time bomb, just a soft man caring and pouring his heart and love out to his awesome lover. Jason looked comfortable around you and your family, extremely to the point that he hadn’t noticed practically calling himself an Addams. It made his siblings’ hearts swell with happiness.

“Oh,” Morticia sighed in relief, and even just that felt and looked so heavenly. “We’re sorry, my dear. We weren’t aware of that. I was afraid you found us tolerable.”

Tim chuckles, not really knowing what to say. He was visibly confused, though from what he was able to pick up on, negative comments seems to be taken as positive ones in your family. While most of them were confused just like Tim, Damian quickly understood how compliments worked within the Addams and smirked fondly.

Dick finally gathers his thoughts to clear his throat, “Well, let’s go in now, shall we?”

As your family nodded in sync, you turn to Jason while fixing your collar with the empty hand. “Love, do I look menacing? I have to look presentable when meeting your father. I despise looking good.” You stated, checking your outfit and trying to fix where you found unpresentable.

It’s rare to see you fidgeting and uneasy, making Jason smile. He knew you lose your composure only when it comes to him and it made him feel so loved, appreciated, and important. “You always look menacing, babe. Could scare off any children that passes by.” He compliments, bringing up your intertwined hands and kissing the back of yours.

The corner of your lips twitched up, squeezing his hand back as amusement and adoration shows themselves on your expression. “That’s very lovely. This is why I loathe you.”

The flirting between you and Jason was so natural that even Damian wasn’t affected by it — he’s mostly disgusted and cringed out when people flirt in front of him, but for some reason, Jason flirting with you didn’t bother him at all. Perhaps, because it isn’t a modern type of flirting where couples show disgusting amount of PDA or say things halfheartedly just to make their partner feel good, but rather, it’s one that uses old-fashioned yet romantic language which truthfully comes from the heart. You and Jason flirt with respect for each other, where neither of you objectify nor sexualize the other.

There was a clear unspoken understanding between you, which was shown in just this little flirtatious moment. The way you show your love for each other might be old-fashioned and out of ordinary in this modern day, but it’s honestly more romantic than any of the modernized ones.

“You two always flirt,” Wednesday spoke as she swiftly turned around to meet yours and Jason’s eyes. “It would’ve been more perfect if you were holding a human heart and giving it to each other.”

Barbara, Cassandra, and Stephanie all widened their eyes at her opinion — is she telling you to kill someone, take their heart out, and give it to each other to show your love? That wouldn’t be a romance anymore; it’ll be a dark romance.

However, you only shrugged your shoulders while Jason chuckled in amusement, as if that comment was as normal as seeing trees and nature everywhere. Neither of you were even concerned with what Wednesday said. “There’s precisely a possibility of that occurring, though it’s not yet now.” You responded calmly, as expressionless as Wednesday but slight amusement littered your tone.

The others tensed at your statement with the exception of Damian, who only smirked in pride, as they all remember the news of Joker getting dumped into Arkham Asylum by a vigilante that isn’t Batman. Like mentioned before, Joker was in a really bad shape when he was quite literally thrown into the Asylum, very visible signs of torture coating his body everywhere.

When Bruce visited, it was worse than how the media portrayed it to be. Tongue cut off, fingers broken and two missing, heavily concussed, several cuts along his face and body, and bruises covering most of his body parts. Worst of it all was that Joker didn’t seem like himself anymore; he does laugh — never had been a time when Joker didn’t laugh — but it wasn’t his typical laughter. All the mockery, self-confidence and cockiness weren’t there. Instead, fear and paranoia filled the laughter Bruce was so used to hearing. It was so uncharacteristic and very unlikely of Joker.

He’s finally put behind bars for good, but how the fuck can a vigilante absolutely destroy the Joker? He was indestructible yet you managed to break him so bad that his insanity got flooded with immense fear rather than the urge to kill everyone and everybody for no reason.

And as they stand in front of you now, none of them can even imagine how such a gentleman like you could’ve broke him completely. You seem so respectful, sweet, gentleman, and lovely that it’s almost impossible to believe you were the one who did it. But everyone should always expect the unexpected, right?

“Dick,” Jason’s voice snaps the oldest boy out of his own thoughts as he nods his head towards the door. “Let’s go in.”

The Grayson only hummed, turning around to open the door and gesture inside with his other hand, bowing a little to show respect. Morticia and Gomez smiled pleasantly and brightly, touched by his manners as they enter. Wednesday followed next with a usual expressionless face, and Pugsley said “thank you” first before entering, then Jason pulled you along with him at last. The door closed behind Damian who was the last to enter.

“Welcome,” Bruce immediately greeted as soon as all of your eyes met his, and your parents doesn’t hesitate to smile respectfully and kindly at him.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Wayne.” Gomez steps forward with his hand extended to shake Bruce’s hand before gesturing to his wife standing beside him. “She’s my wife Morticia and these are my children. Perhaps, you already know about (Y/n)?”

Bruce’s unreadable gaze shift from your father to you, attempting to figure out your characteristics by just looking. However, despite the nervousness you’re feeling, you didn’t fail to compose yourself and appeal confident with the usual emotionless expression on your face. Your gaze sparkling darkly under the light made him feel uneasy somehow, as if you knew all of his dirty little secrets and his entire characteristics as well as personality and attitude without analyzing that much.

Truth be told, you heard Bruce’s attitude from Jason when he opened himself up to you. Your Beloved was extremely traumatized by what happened with Joker that it affected the way he saw the world; it should’ve been that way too with Bruce because he’s Jason’s adoptive father — yet what really happened was the complete opposite.

Bruce may not have had an ill intent of dismissing or ignoring what happened to Jason, but to continue living like Joker didn’t kill his second son made him unlikable on your list. You’re a very respectful person as Gomez and Morticia didn’t raise you to be an awful entity, and you would never want to go against your lover’s adoptive father — although, that does not mean you accept his morals.

Hiding the unsettled feeling building up in his stomach, Bruce attempts to smile at you and shake your hand. “So you’re (Y/n). I’ve only ever heard once about you.”

Only the corner of your lips twitched, a barely formed smile appearing as you shake his hand, eyes still piercing through him like a dagger. “And I’ve heard a lot of... things about you, Mr. Wayne.” The calculative tone in your voice set an alarm within Bruce’s head and he would’ve pulled his hand away from your grasp if it wasn’t for his conscious mind forcing himself to calm down. “Be not afraid — You’ll see no judgement here.” You gave him a pointed look.

Jason quickly goes behind you and wraps an arm around your waist, the soft look on him being noticed by everyone present in the room. “Babe, let’s have dinner first. You’ll absolutely love Alfred’s cooking. They’re hella tasty.” He compliments, winking at Alfred who stood at the side. Alfred smiled with gratitude.

Bruce notices the way a small bit of light shine on your dead-like eyes as soon as you looked at Jason. “Well then, may we?” You shift your soft gaze from Jason to Bruce as you tilt your head slightly to the side.

From then on, the peaceful dinner began with mainly your parents and Bruce sharing thoughts about their own children while the others watch with a smile as Damian starts a conversation with you, the one he idolizes the most. It’s surprising to see Damian being really talkative — for the first time ever, he was being an actual child, asking you questions after questions with his eyes sparkling in joy. Not wanting to ruin this seemingly precious moment for Damian, everyone just decided to listen and chime in only once in a while when they feel like it. You were extremely patient with Damian the entire time he was bombarding you with questions, answering all of them without getting annoyed.

Jason felt relieved to witness the dinner going smoothly.

Truth be told, he was secretly worried about it turning into a disaster due to your vigilantism — Jason knew how Bruce felt about you after realizing you were the unnamed vigilante that nearly killed the Joker, and he thought Bruce would bring it up right away soon as dinner started. Luckily, he didn’t. It made Jason sigh in relief and relax on his seat, smiling as he watched you talk with his siblings.

However, perhaps it was too soon.

“(Y/n), how long have you been a vigilante?”

Jason immediately froze at Bruce’s question. The chit-chatting within the dining hall quickly falls into silence as everyone, too, froze — except the Addams family, who were still eating calmly and quietly, unbothered.

You first swallowed the food you were chewing before wiping your mouth elegantly with a napkin and not even hesitating to meet Bruce’s piercing eyes. “Since I was a child, Mr. Wayne.” You answered simply.

Bruce leans on the table, taking it slow. “Why did you become one?”

You felt Jason squeezing your hand under the table, as if to say you don’t have to answer everything. Though, you still did. “One of our ancestors was a vigilante, although he was hanged alongside his wife’s burning body when a rumour spread that she was a witch. He’s quite the legend within our family, you see.” Dick, Stephanie and Barbara’s jaws dropped. “I could say I was inspired by him. Although the sole purpose of my vigilantism is to bring justice to those who were rejected, neglected, and ignored by our unpleasantly ridiculous, worthless justice system.”

Feeling nervousness radiate off of Jason from how he squeezed your hand even more strongly, you gently hold and knead his hand to give him relaxation. After he stopped squeezing and slightly calmed down, you readjusted his hand so your and his fingers would intertwine with each other. You could feel him staring, but you never avoided eye contact with Bruce.

“To bring justice...” The Billionaire trails off meaningfully, as if it was something he wasn’t expecting to hear from you. “Was that your way of bringing justice?” The sharpness in his tone clearly gave everyone an idea of what he’s talking about.

However, despite the tension thickening and Bruce’s eyes narrowing in judgment, you kept your composure with an expressionless face, nerves surprisingly as calm as water flows. There wasn’t anything you were feeling at the moment, just the patience you need to deal with Jason’s shallow-minded father.

“I’m most definitely certain yours and my understanding of justice varies.” You immediately responded without missing a beat. Bruce’s eyes pierced through you, but your (e/c) eyes were much worse. It was reading him thoroughly, looking into his soul, his mind, feeling as if you knew everything.

“Though, I must admit for everyone’s knowledge, just so no one is left unaware — I tortured Joker not to seek justice for my lover, but to feed my vengeance and urge to revenge.” Your dark eyes glinted in amusement under the lights as the confession slips from your mouth with no restraints, like you’re just talking about nonchalant things. That’s not the only thing that made a cold shiver run down everyone’s spine; it was also the way your supposedly expressionless face completely shifted for the first time only to form a dark, prideful, egotistical look, accompanied by a smirk which obviously stated you weren’t regretful.

Now, there’s no way Bruce would take it lightly.

Sensing the events had turned out more worrisome, Jason tries to tug on your intertwined hands. “(Y/n), sweetheart, we should—”

Your cold gaze avert towards him, and it softened only a bit. “Apologies for interrupting you, my love, but leaving our dinner without finishing them would be disrespect to the person who cooked them for us.” You placed a gentle kiss on the back of Jason’s hand to assure him. “Worry not so much. Your father and I are only getting to know one another.”

As soon as your cold and piercing eyes returned to him, Bruce immediately feels an unsettling feeling in his gut as his heartbeat quickens. He could see it’s easy for you to deal with him or this kind of confrontation — the dangerous thing he noticed about you is that you never lose composure and patience regardless if the situation at hand benefits you or not. The only time you’ve probably ever lost your collectedness was with Joker, whom you actually had every right to get absolutely livid at. You love Jason more than words could ever tell, Bruce can easily see that, but your actions not lining up with his morals made it difficult for him to accept you willingly.

While the Addams simply minded their own business by continuing to eat, the others couldn’t find it in themselves to act like there was no tension rising in the air. They knew this confrontation was coming, but witnessing it unfold before their own eyes isn’t easy. Most of them had to swallow the lump that formed in their throat, with Damian being the only one who isn’t nervous in the slightest.

“Mr. Wayne, I have a deep understanding of your morals and the regulations you’ve set in this home... how none of your family is allowed to kill criminals.” You stated with a smile that was barely visible, though respectful nonetheless. However, it instantly vanishes. “But I must remind you one thing — just because you believe your morals are correct does not make it righteous in any way.”

That certainly struck a core in Bruce.

“We, humans, are incapable of finding the correct morals that all of humanity would agree on. You may believe your morals are absolute and there could be a wonderful soul who has developed the same belief as you, but it would never be everyone.” Your hand gracefully gestures to the people in the dining room to emphasize your point before it comes to rest on the table as you intertwine it with your other hand. “You see, humans are not humans without distinctive differences, and pushing your own standards on others likely causes more harm than it should help put them in control.”

The way you’ve said every word with such grace and elegance was nothing but fascinating as everyone found themselves suddenly voiceless. Your every gesture and movement showed an exquisite manner no other human beings were blessed with, alongside your use of sophisticated language that silently told your high level of intelligence. Other than that, Bruce was speechless from how much your words contained truth and wisdom only a philosopher has. He had never seen nor met someone so wise as you.

Perhaps, that’s why you’re so intimidating — every bit of your intelligence and attitude is your very own power no one else could ever have.

Taking a deep breath, Bruce clears his throat to find his voice and meets your eyes. “Are you implying I should accept how different yours and my morals are?”

“Precisely,” You answered without hesitation, sipping the wine Jason had poured for you when the dinner started. “My morality is concerned with the victims, not the perpetrators nor myself. Your morality is concerned with your inability to control your murderous urges when committed.” Bruce inhales sharply, making your eyes glint since he proved you right.

Gomez and Morticia smile to themselves as they felt proud of how you’re always able to point out things others usually don’t or can’t. Despite your brutal honesty, there is clearly respect within the way you speak to Bruce, which is why neither of them stopped you from defending and proving yourself. Helping you was not in their options; they knew you can handle yourself perfectly fine with the number of times you’ve put people in their place physically or verbally.

“(Y/n), baby... It’s okay,” Jason quietly attempts to stop you, knowing those words were intentionally spoken to strike a nerve in his non-biological father.

He knew how your blood boiled when you found out Bruce didn’t kill the Joker because of his ridiculous morality. He can still remember the way your eyes always darkened at even the slightest mention of Batman or Bruce Wayne. It took two years for you to overcome your wrath on the billionaire before you went after the Joker.

Before you could respond to your lover, Bruce caught your attention again with a simple question — “Why did you do it?”

You look back at him, seeing him staring at you and waiting for an answer. The corner of your lips lifted. “Well, wouldn’t we do anything for love?” Bruce's brows raised at the warm look on your face, not knowing your face was capable of making such expression. “No one hurts my soul and live freely without heavy consequences.” You shrugged, looking heavily smug.

Wednesday scoffed, “You should’ve just put a curse on him. It would have saved you all the trouble and exhaustion.” She looked at you as if what you did was the most incorrect thing in the world.

“No, should’ve electrocuted him!” Said Pugsley with a grin. “It didn’t make me insane when Wednesday did it to me, but it could break his mind.” Everyone’s face shifted into a look of shock at the sudden revelation.

“Now now, children.” Morticia interrupts, “What (Y/n) does to his enemies should be decided by him and him only. You don’t decide for (Y/n).”

“Well, Joker hurt Jason and he’s our brother. Nobody hurts my brothers and lives.” Wednesday responded immediately with empty eyes seeking vengeance, stabbing the steak with a fork and making Dick, Tim and Stephanie flinch.

You threw a knife at her with a single flick of your wrist, just narrowly missing her face, stabbing the wall behind her. She doesn’t flinch and instead gives you a look, which you ignore and reach for another knife to cut your steak with. “Manners, Wednesday. If you wish to stab something, search for someone that would be worthy of it, not a supper.”

“You missed on purpose,” Wednesday complains, annoyed.

You sarcastically smile, “Perhaps, I wouldn’t intentionally miss again if you’re respectful towards a supper.”

She glared, “Miss again and I’ll dump you in a paint full of pastels.”

You just rolled your eyes at her tactics while Jason bursts into laughter, knowing how much you and your family hate pastels. To the Addams, pastels and joyful people are the most insufferable matters in the world. There’s nothing you all hate more than that.

His father and brothers couldn’t believe what happened in front of them. None of the Addams, even Jason, cared that you just threw a knife at Wednesday. In fact, your parents were far from concerned as they only watched with warm smiles on their faces, because truthfully that was just you and Wednesday bickering. It’s nothing serious although others might disagree.

“Apologies for our children, Mr. Wayne.” Morticia says casually after Wednesday had returned to eating her dinner, making Bruce turn to look at her. “They’ve always bickered even when they were just a child. (Y/n) and Wednesday in particular, they liked to attempt burning each other alive ever since hearing the story of one of our ancestors who got burned at the Salem Witch Trials. Children love those stories, you know.” She places a hand on her chest, right above her heart, smiling at her children.

“Wait, hold on— You tried to burn each other alive?” Dick was the one who questioned what everyone couldn’t find their voices to ask about, too shocked and horrified that attempting to kill each other seems so natural and normal within the Addams family.

“Yes, for the record.” You answer without looking up. “Being burned alive is classified as the most painful, agonizing way to die, which is why it had been the perfect punishment for those who were accused of witchcraft in 1692 and 1693. My sister and I were intrigued to see whether this was a fact or just merely false information, so we would always attempt to burn each other in hopes of discovering the truth.”

“Funny thing is, they never did.” Jason cackles as Wednesday shot him an unamused look. “(Y/n) still wishes he could die being burned alive, though.”

The corner of your lips merely twitched in a soft smile as you kissed the back of Jason’s hand affectionately, eyes closed. “Have I ever mentioned I want you to do the honor?” You say with such a loving and adoring tone that Jason felt his heart swell, knowing this is somewhat a proposal that only an Addams would understand.

It was a traditional Addams way of showing they love the person rather than wrapping it up in just three words that rarely comes from the bottom of one’s heart. You would die for him, and only he could bring your ultimate demise, no one else. You were offering him your heart and soul, as well as life, permitting him to hold and treasure it for the rest of your lives. It was an implication that you would dedicate your life to him with nothing in return — you will do everything for him. It’s easy to kill — you’ve nearly done it with the Joker — but it’s not easy to live and die for him, but you will and you would.

Feeling overwhelmed with all the love you endlessly give and show, Jason couldn’t help but hide behind his empty hand in an attempt to hold his tears in, always being emotional whenever he gets the love he doesn’t think he deserves. But he does. You’ve never failed to show him he deserves everything you offer. God, how did he even end up with you? You’re so good to him, so loving and giving, Jason didn’t even expect you’ll be like this back when you two were just strangers building friendship. Jason can’t let you go anymore, and he would never even if you asked him to. He loves you just as much as you love him, although yours seem bigger than his.

The Wayne family witnessed Jason, the usually insufferable Todd who thrives off of violence, cry at the mere love and affection his lover gave. Jason was crying because you reminded him of how significant he was to your life. The big bad wolf, the ruthless Red Hood, the boy who had an immense thirst for vengeance, the boy whose blood is filled with utmost rage towards the world, was crying at the simple showcase of love.

And that’s how Bruce — no, his entire family — knew they failed to love him enough.

But they don’t have to make it up to him anymore. They can’t, because you’re already showering him with love and adoration and appreciation and everything he deserves. You did everything what they were supposed to do — what Bruce was supposed to do.

“Oh, mon amour...” You let go of his hand to gently hold his face with both hands, kissing away the tears that overflowed from his eyes. Jason stayed still, relishing how good you are, how soft you treated him as he gripped your gentle hands. Once you’re done kissing his tears away, he buried his face into your chest while wrapping his arms around you, embracing tightly. You kiss the top of his head, caging him in your arms as you gently run your fingers through his hair.

Jason closes his eyes within your embrace, inhaling your calming scent mixed with a cooling hint of cologne. It’s funny how you’ve always associated yourself with death and darkness, yet for Jason, your mere presence is a light at the end of the tunnel that makes him alive every day. “Thank you, (Y/n)...” He murmurs into your chest, barely audible, but heard by you nonetheless.

You gently scratch his scalp, not caring about your meals and attention solely focused on your lover. “For what exactly, chéri? I have not done anything for you to give me such gratitude, at least not that I remember. I have only been attempting to drown you in my love and affection, haven’t I? Are they worthy of your gratitude?”

He chuckled, “You know damn well they are.”

You tilt your head, a smile tugging at your lips. “Even so, do you truly believe it’s significant for me more than just your presence?” Jason slowly looks up at you, his mesmerizing eyes meeting yours, before shaking his head quietly. A satisfied look crosses your face at that, “There you go. It isn’t difficult to figure out now, is it?” Jason shakes his head, burying his face into your chest once again.

As you continue to comfort Jason, Damian stares at the sight with a weird look. “Todd is extremely quiet when he’s around (Y/n). It’s... weird.”

Dick nudged him, “Hey, let him be. Jay’s probably just very comfortable with him.”

“It’s still weird, though.” Tim insists.

Barbara and Stephanie watched with smiles while you kiss Jason’s forehead, too willing to accept you despite finding your family quite strange. People have different traditions and cultures anyway; they figured yours are just too extraordinary and unusual that don’t fit society’s standards. Being different doesn’t matter when it’s clear that you love Jason too much, in your own special way.

Cassandra glances at Bruce, who seemed to be in deep thought. “I don’t think you have any other choice but to accept him.” Her voice snaps him out of his thoughts, “Look at them. They’re very much in love. More than in love, I’d say. It looks like they were meant to be with each other. Like destiny’s the one who wrote them together.”

Bruce looked at the two of you, who obviously saw nothing but each other in your little world.

“Besides, he basically called bullshit on your morals. And you know all too well he’s beyond right.” Cassandra smirks, “I hope your pride doesn’t get in the way of welcoming a new member, dad.”

Bruce sighed.

Well, it’s inevitable that you’ll be a member one way or another. Cassandra was right about that, and although he didn’t want to admit it, Bruce knew he accepted you the moment you stood up against him. It’s not always there’s someone who is brave enough to speak up against the Bruce Wayne.

Though, he may have to teach you not to strangle literally every single person who mess with Jason.

© ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʜᴀᴅᴇsʀɪsᴇ. sᴛᴇᴀʟɪɴɢ, ᴘʟᴀɢɪᴀʀɪᴢɪɴɢ, ᴏʀ ᴜsɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴍᴏɴᴇᴛᴀʀʏ ɢᴀɪɴ ɪs sᴛʀɪᴄᴛʟʏ ᴘʀᴏʜɪʙɪᴛᴇᴅ. ᴀsᴋ ᴘᴇʀᴍɪssɪᴏɴ ʙᴇғᴏʀᴇ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛɪɴɢ ᴏʀ ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛɪɴɢ.

[suzuki-sibs-bar-and-grill]

Day 98!!

45 days left.

same here man, same here.

but too much people are holding onto me and i hold onto them and cant let go i feel like a human centipede and that might be a red flag...

[I recommend reading all this while the song is playing, just to have some nice vibes and chill if you're stressed.] Welp, today was kind of nice actually. I found a movie on pinterest and then found it on youtube and watched it. Despite all the gore and trauma, It was actually nice, really. I learnt a new lesson from that; hold onto your real friends dearly, and if you're unsure if they're real, you'll find out about it later.

Talked a bit with Sunny earlier,, a lot of smoochies and cuddles and I am once again full of affection and love and I'm going to share all of it with others !! You for example

Tho timezones are an issue, since we have a 9 hour difference with him so if we want to talk with eachother it's needed for one of use to pull an all nighter.. But I'm okay with that. I really love all nighters, and I don't really care that it's just getting me and my mental health worse. I just want to chat with my friends.

School was kinda okay, we got a new girl in our class. She's very pretty, tho I didn't talk to her even a bit. Basically the silent child who no one cares about, really. I'm okay with that, atleast I have my phone with me everytime I go to school so I have access to tumblr and discord. (Tho even with that I'm still extremely lonely, I don't have anyone to talk to.)

But won't about the bad stuff!! (even tho they're like 65% of my life) I think that's all for now, because if I continue I might just make a whole book page or even longer..

If you want you can put a "READ MORE" and talk about how your day, yesterday or today went!! Anything, really sometimes it's nice to spill out a ton of stuff about something you're simply interested in

Well, I'm glad to hear you're doing better.

As for me, well, I'm still loney, but that's old news.

College is fine. Stressful, but fine.

I was streaming games yesterday on YouTube. I don't have much of an audience, but I'd like to have one some day. Most of the time it just feels like I'm talking to myself, which I am.

I don't think I'm that bad at what I do, I just haven't found the people who'll enjoy my stuff.

Tbh I feel like I'm losing my spark when it comes to ofa/tumblr stuff because I want to keep doing YouTube things.

I have so many projects on the back burner as well, so I don't really know if I can even balance it all with school and work, and assuring the people in my phone (you) that I'm not dead.

There are a lot of things I want to do that I just can't because of poor management skills on my end, and trying to fix it only makes it worse, and then I have to go and get all ambitious, and honestly I think I should just be sitting on the sidelines for things at this point.

Sigh...

And I'm upset that I missed a meeting with a group of writers for a project I was working on because I couldn't be on discord at the time.

...

I need a drink.

[neuroticboyfriend]

ty for the “we don’t have to consider the dui ppl evil monsters forever.” This you can skip I think now if you don’t want a story of why your post is gonna change my life a little bit.

I have a owi from a boss getting drunk as hell with me and I very much went along with the evening for like idk stupid professional relations reasons I guess, and ended up in a ditch etc. I unfortunately received another dui after I was drinking at home in my backyard two years later sorta mid-meltdown, and after an exchange with an equally intoxicated neighbor was chased about 120 ft to my car which I drove to some neighbors (rural area) about 2 min away l, but literally got pulled over by the cops along that stretch as they kinda park-camp there.

My life was ruined. I was not well in jail for 90 days after the second one, as was denied anti-psychotics, sleep aids, and anti-depressants so stuck in a suicide suit and in solitary. I had worked for the state for a decade but no longer could, and I was stuck in the county that had no mental health services for me due to the limits of our CMH. I had to live with friends for two years of probation because I couldn’t drive or work without being able to drive. I did some wfh stuff during Covid (thank god wfh surge saved me tbh) but had to bike 10 miles each way or get a ride a couple times a week for drug tests, support meetings, classes etc for 2 years. I had to borrow money and pay ppl back years later for covering the costs of the drug tests and classes.

I had worked for the state for nearly a decade, graduated with a degree, had an apartment, boyfriend, the whole works: but I had no mental health access for a decade and had essential emergency services trying to toss meds at me, when I would ask to be hospitalized or finally was, and after about 7-8 years I was maladaptive as hell unable to get counseling or med management, drinking with bosses and melting down in my backyard.

I finally got mental health and other services: I have Tourette’s, autism, adhd, and ocd. And a nice helping of the cptsd but idk that one’s pretty managed. I have a bunch of broken teeth from clenching from stress and Tourette’s. The only help I got out of that county was Christian substance abuse services in classes that I had to do for probation for two years. I cannot imagine how different my life would be if I could have gotten the services the judge said I had complete access to.

I have never felt like anyone could be capable of understanding that I’m not a monster and I didn’t want to do anything bad. I understand very well why ppl are so aggressive against drunk driving as I’m in one of the worse states for it and we have some of the strongest laws for it. It’s a felony in Canada and I can’t go there anymore because of it. And it’s been idk 5 years now that I’ve never seen or heard a message like this and it is just so moving.

I’ve been holding myself back so much because I did a bad and I don’t feel like a deserve to like use social services or anything anymore like anything that could burden the state or community. I fell so far like possessions wise, asset wise, materially, professionally, in housing etc. that I need those services frankly. I don’t do things or try to interact with people, I’ve done like 5 years of shame vs regret exercises but it doesn’t matter I just don’t feel like I should get to be part of society and that no one wants me to be anymore. And I think if I saw things like this just once in awhile amongst the regular dui messaging it would be really great.

I do run a smart recovery meeting which is like science backed substance abuse program very much online nowadays but I want to do more but I’m still very in my head about it. I’m gonna try to think about this perspective from time to time. So thank you.

Anon I am telepathically giving the biggest hug ever, and if you dont want a hug then. I'm sending so much support and understanding your way. I'm so happy you found my post, especially since I've gotten a little bit of hell for it. Knowing it comforted just one person makes it worth it.

You're not a monster, and what the state did to you is not okay. It's inhumane, and you didn't deserve a single part of it. It's not even remotely fair that your right to health and safety was so grossly violated. And I'm glad you seem to be doing better than you were. I hope as time goes on, you find more of your place in this world.

I know things will never be the same, and I know how much stands in your way - even though I can't truly conceptualize it. But there will always be more people than you know who see see your humanity. Who want you in this world with us - not just tolerate it. And I think it's really wonderful you run the recovery program. You've probably changed a lot of lives, for the better. That's awesome!

And thank you for trusting your story with me. I've been struggling with some substance abuse lately, and I think getting this ask is gonna get me through another night of not. Fucking up. Sometimes people just need to feel connection, I think. So you changed my life a little bit, too.

[bad-ads]

ok like major major major trigger warning for below the cut for suicide and self harm but i liek really need advice

so basically i had a really rough start to college ans on the 18th when my parents left me alone at college i was miserable the whole day bc i couldnt make any friends and felt so alone and as a result i relapsed into self harm and cut myself with a razor.

I regretted it by the next day and that afternoon I had a therapy session over zoom with my therapist and told her. she was proud of me for telling her but she seemed kinda rattled, which i thought was weird bc we’ve talked abt my self harm before. the rest of that day wasnt great, still pretty lonely and i sort of panicked over future jobs and majors

the next day, tuesday the 20th, i started classes and i legitimately met some very nice ppl and enjoyed my classes. but rhen when classes were done i spent more time panicking over jobs and started to have this sinking feeling that i am not capable of the basic taska necessary to live on my own or in the world at all. I went to dinner and couldn’t find anyone to sit with so i ate entirely alone and walked back to my dorm room trying not to cry. i burst into tears as soon as i got in and just spiraled and cried over everything, friends, loneliness, and how i felt i wasnt capable of holding a good job or taking care of myself. at which point i started having a massive nosebleed and alone in my dorm room, with blood all over my face, I decided that i should kill myself. as dumb as it sounds, i started googling methods and decided that hanging was the best option. unfortunately/fortunately, i didnt have rope so i took my belt but i could find a place to hang it from that was stable oelr wasnt obvious (ie over the opposite side door handle) but the article i read said rhat all you really needed to hang yourself was leverage, and that holding the belt end thats pulled far above your head would still work. i did that for about 30 seconds, before the tightening arouns my throat started to kinda panic me and i stopped. i tried again but then about 40 seconds in i remembwred that my school has tuition insurance that allows you to not have to continue to pay tuition if an emergency causes you to drop out and that my parents and i had not bought it and as a result if i did die, my parents would have to continue paying tuition (we split tuition but they are in control of most of the money i’ve made cause tbh thats just way easier). the idea of my parents continuing to have to pay tuition kinda pulled me back to earth and i resolved to call my therapist.

unfortunately, ar like that exact moment, one of my suitemates went into oue shared bathroom (you can heat everything in the suite regardless of where you are, its two rooms connected by a bathroom and the noise travels really far). so then i was feaking out cause i couldnt call her because my suitemates wojld hear. i couldnt go somewhere else to call either bc my face was still covered in blood and puffy and swollen from crying for like an hour straight. so then i started crying more bc i didnt know what to do. also then i looked at the clock i realized i had to go to lipsync practice (its a part of our welcome week) and 9 pm and tbh almost started laughing at the absurdity of having to go to fucking lip sync. i desperately wanted to skip and hide forever but i didnt. I waited for my suitemate yo leave the bathroom cleaned myself up and went to lipsync practice.

i came back home after practice and cried more about everything (i had a ton of trouble falling asleep bc my face hurt so much from crying which then made me cry more etc etc). up until this point i had fully intended to call and tell my therapist, honesty between me, her and my parenrs has been massively helpful in my mental health, but then i started to panic bc i remembered that forced paychiatric holds exist ans i was rwally worries that if i told her, i’d have to go to a psych ward, which would be especially bad cause then we are back to the tuition insurance problem that saved my life a little bit.

i finally managed to sleep eventually and throughout the week i took my meds consistently, i made friends and overall felt a lot better. 2 days ago was rhe 29th and i told my parents over a phone call. Im glad i did, but i havent had a therapy seasion since before the attempt so i hadn’t told my therapist yet, and i told my parents i was worried abt hospitalization and they said they didnt think that would happen, but that it might be good.

Its the 31st now and i have therapy this week. i’ve been up all night panicking that my therapist will have to report it and i’ll get put into in patient treatment. i’ve been researching non stop but i cant find an answer on whether aborted suicide attempts within the last two weeks are grounds for hospitalization. i have not been actively suicidal since the day of my attempt and was only passively suicidal like once in befween then and now (which like i have had on and off passive suicidality throughout highschool, just not really in the past year).

SO BASICALLY! i really just need advice on whether i should tell my therapist, have my parents tell her or keep quite about it? could tell her lead to me being hospitalized or would it be okay bc im not presently a danger to myself and i stopped anyway.

sorry ik this is crazy long and traumadumpy but i cant sleep thinking about it

[1d1195]

I'm glad your weekend wasn’t horrible! Though please take some time to recharge! While nothing too bad may have happened, it can still be a lot of being around people! Cleaning is oddly relaxing for me too lol. What are you most excited to cook on your list of recipes?

I used to LOVE project runway when i was younger! Tbh I think I just loved any show that involved creating something like baking,cooking, and even home renovation stuff lol But ngl reality tv shows about dating/love stuff  is something that I can’t get into lol But I can see how you are more drawn towards scripted stuff though and I get it!

Kids are crazy! Sometimes it is wild how they cannot simply be kind or even understanding of others. I didn’t personally suffer from bullying but that doesn’t mean literally interacting with kids my age was easy. Anyways I'm sure giving them reminders is helping even if they may not appreciate it at the moment! Though I get that it can be so annoying because you're kind and it comes naturally to you!

That’s so sweet! And you’re so right about nicknames! Though I am never bold enough to give someone a nickname or use one unless they tell me too lol and yeah I dislike the brand for more reasons other than that obviously but my inner child loves holding grudge lol 

I LOVE when people give context or just share details lol im the same way too! Once I get on a topic I feel strongly for and/or once I'm comfortable with someone I YAP AWAY! But lowkey I miss silly little filler chapters in general! They remind me a lot of my early wattpad days when I was 12 HAHA But yes I do agree filler episodes are so underappreciated now! Especially how most shows don’t even go beyond 10 episodes per season now which I find kind of sad! 

Both of my classes meet twice a week, but both are 3 hours long :( And they both are live zoom sessions so that means that there is no recording happening. Which I totally get but 3 hours is alot 😭But you're right it is so much info 😭 Yeah lowkey my therapist said it wasn’t a good idea to do two summer sessions back to back but I need to graduate on time lol Also how is teaching summer classes goin? Are you almost done?

ALSO I CAN’T BELIEVE IT”S BEEN A YEAR SINCE PROTECTION😭

Hope you can get some rest and have a very calm rest of the week! You don’t have to thank me! Seriously talking to you is never a bother and I enjoy it so much! THANK YOU for constantly giving such thoughtful responses to not only me but everyone you interact with💗Wishing you to have the BEST week bestie!! Love you lots!-💜

My dumb son invited his friend over to stay with us for a couple days so now I'm hiding in my room. I have to pretend to be social and shit and it's the worst. I've barely recovered from my fam. I just want to be quiet and alone by myself 😭😭 No but tbh it's fine. I'm just dramatic. Cleaning was REALLY good actually. I've been trying to do some much needed stuff (like washing walls and baseboards. Very adult stuff lol) Maybe I'll do some more organizing and shit while his friend is here so I can hide and whatnot.

I made this ravioli dish that was really good. It was sort of alfredo-y and had spinach and sundried tomatoes. Honestly? I'm most excited to make these roasted veggies lol. Potatoes, carrots, zucchini hehehe

I liked the first few seasons of project runway but the premise got away from me (and the writers I think). I wish I got more into cooking shows. I do have a serious soft spot for Cake Boss tho 😂

I have this one student who said to me "she never gives up on me" and it honestly kind of melted my heart. She's a TOUGH kid. Like I'm lowkey afraid of her 😭😭 I'm glad she likes me because she's kinda cuckoo 🤣🤣 She has these massive angry blowups, not necessarily her fault because of mental health and undiagnosed ADHD but she doesn't always make the best decisions either. For some reason she listens to me. So I keep trying to help her even though she makes me INSANE. But the point of that was she's a mean girl tbh she struggles to stay out of drama (sometimes not her fault, but many times it is) anyway. She's a lot, can't wait for her to graduate.

An inner child grudge is like no other. I love it tbh. I have a grudge. My mom told me at like age 6 we hate Bank of America and I refuse to set foot in there lol so I totally get disliking the brand.

I can't say I'm surprised, we do send each other lengthy messages 😭 it would be a TIME if we met in person hahahahahaha we wouldn't stop talking for ages. It's CRAZY how there are no filler episodes and the seasons are SO short. So so so crazy.

OMG T W E L V E HOURS of zoom a week. That's so so long. I hope they give breaks. Honestly, this is going to sound super weird, but I think it's pretty cool that you didn't listen to your therapist about this. It's fairly low-stake and it's a lot but you have really good intentions of getting your classes done on time so you can be DONE and graduate. One of the things I'm worried about starting therapy is that I'll want to do it perfectly and I'll want my therapist to think I'm the best lol (can you tell I need it?) so I feel like I would be obligated to do EVERYTHING she tells me to (I want a she because I hate men most of the time lol) and I would overwhelm myself with that if that makes sense. So it's refreshing to know you don't have to listen to her; at least in this instant. Hopefully that all makes sense

One more week of summer school. They're going well. I'm worried some kids aren't going to pass. We offer some classes online and I'm concerned they aren't going to finish/pass. Which is so irritating. Because like, why show up for a month if you're not going to pass? I know there's deeper issues and more to it, but still. We make it PRETTY easy to pass...

I KNOW A WHOLE YEAR. IT'S LIKE OUR ANNIVERSARY TOO 😭😭💕

Hope your week gets easier too LOVE YOU

xoxo

[ih4teithere]

1:16 pm Life update/shitty happenings

//TW: Hospitals, illness, c4nc3r metion, mental health, ed mention//

It's been almost exactly a year since I've wrote here, some "unfortunate" happenings have taken place while I was away from this blog(?, page(?, tumblr in general(?.

First of my mum and I keep fighting about the exact same things, so I suppose there's nothing new there haha.

Second, I dropped out of the school i was before and now I'm in a new one studying something i do like al though the atmosphere is not always very positive and a bunch of my friends dropped out because of it.

Thirdly, mother's health has been steadily on a decline, she spend about a month and a half in hospital (on the exact day of my 20th birthday no less) and unfortunately got diagnosed with adenocarcinoma, the doctor that treated her told me that a bunch of her organs in her abdominal cavity had signs of tumor, so... yeah... She got better while in the hospital, and her recovery at home has been tough, more bad days than good and I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do honestly.

Because all of this I feel like my own health is suffering, the... um... self SHIFT+DELETE thoughts and feeling came back very strong and hasn't really left me since, the feeling of wanting control also came back very strongly and these last few days I've been basically st4rv1ng myself (kinda knowingly tbh haha).

Most of the time I feel so helpless, so tired; nothing is ever enough I'm always missing something, nothings right and I'm useless, and idiot, a dumbass, the worst person ever.

Have you ever been told something negative about yourself so many times you start to believe it? if yes, I'm so sorry we're in such similar of a place. If no, I'm glad! no one deserves to be belittled in any shape or form.

But I ask you, oh, great void of the inter-webs! (any one that reads this honestly haha, feel free to answer).

What do you do when the person who is supposed to love you "unconditionally" (i.e. ones mother) is the person who hurts you the most? what am I supposed to do knowing I got nowhere else to go? What should I do now that i can't hold on anymore???

Desperate, that is the perfect way to describe how I'm feeling at the moment.

TL;DR: It's fucked, life's fucked.

(p.s. i wrote all this in class lmao i should be paying attention)

[purplesurveys]

1742

Anything you're looking forward to this month? We have a mental health break next Friday that I am stoked about. Other than that my days are spent dreading my inevitable promotion.

What's the current temperature? It's cold as fuck in my room because the aircon is blasting right in front of my face, but outside it's 26ºC.

Have you or would you ever forage for mushrooms? I haven't and it also doesn't really sound all that interesting to me.

What's something you dislike about spring time? Idk, maybe the fact that I can't relate to it haha...

What's your favorite lollipop flavor? Not a big fan of candies in general. I'd accept whatever lollipop I'm offered but it's not like I'd seek them out ever.

Are you into gardening and what do you enjoy planting? I am not.

What's some flowers you find to be pretty? Peonies.

Would you say you're easy to get along with? It depends on the person, tbh. There are people I know I wouldn't vibe with from the start, and it's not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe we just have a different sense of humor or whatever.

Who did you last hold hands with? Not holding hands per se but I did grab Celeste's arm when we crossed the street a week ago because I was scared lol.

What sounds help you sleep? Talking sounds. It's why I always need to have a vlog on when I turn in.

Do you have a loud or more soft laugh? I mean, I have both. I just choose whatever I use depending on the situation hahaha.

Tell me your best pick up line. I never use them.

What's a song that reminds you of warm weather? Beauty and a Beat by Justin Bieber and Nicki Minaj, cos of the music video haha. Also Slide Away by Miley Cyrus.

Do you have any interest in fairies? Nope.

What's the last refreshing drink you had? Soju.

Do you name your plants? I don't own any plants, but I can imagine myself naming them if I ever got into plants as a hobby.

Do you like to dip your fries in a frosty or ice cream? I guess you can say that! I like dipping mine in a hot fudge sundae :)

Do you prefer staying in cuddled up or going out for a date? Both sound delightful. It depends on what I need on a given day.

Cookies or brownies? Cookies.

What is something you are proud of? My writing.

Are you a fan of musicals? No.

Do you like lemonade? Do you add anything to it? I never get to encounter it and when I do, I mean it's nothing special. I neither like nor dislike it.

Are you more of a fast talker or do you talk more slow? Fast. It only changes if I'm actively thinking while speaking, which can sometimes happen when I'm working and get faced with a question that I'm not sure how to answer right off the bat.

Is there anyone who makes you smile no matter what mood you're in? Honestly, it's hard to imagine not smiling around my best friends unless they do something that directly pisses me off.

What are some inanimate objects or things in general that have the same energy or vibe? I'm not sure if I'm answering the question right, but Monday for me gives off the color red. Tuesday is green, Wednesday is blue, Thursday is gray(???), Friday is yellow.

What is something that is quick to cheer you up? BTS has a grip on me like you wouldn't believe.

Have you ever stargazed with someone? I guess. My class had an overnight stargazing activity in school so you can say I stargazed with the rest of my classmates? Hahaha.

If you were royalty, what would you like to be addressed as? Just my name. I'd 100% be begging people to just call me by my name.

Are there any foods you could eat daily and never get sick of? Probably fries.

Are there any things coming up that you have to travel for? It's not a crazy long travel but I have a concert in November that I have to travel all the way south for. Anything that requires a toll gate is far enough for me so I'm counting that haha.

What was a time when you have laughed so hard you cried? My family and I laughed to high heavens over this TikTok video.

Plan a good day. I'm back in Bangkok, have my Viber notifs on mute, and am not thinking about how many days I have left til I'm back in Manila.

What would you do with $10,000 right now? Keep it safe in my account.

If you had to create an alter ego for yourself, what would they be like and what's their name? They would be a person more confident and prepared for the aforementioned promotion that I'm headed towards. I swear I'm getting out the first chance I get...

What's one of your biggest accomplishments today? Angela planned a last-minute dinner (it was the evening of her birthday eve) so I had to think quickly for a birthday gift hehe. I ended up giving her a self-care kit since she's been stressed with work recently – a dog stuffed toy whose proceeds go to a local shelter with every purchase; a couple of Katinko bottles for when her shoulders or back get sore; and a reed diffuser.

Do you believe in reincarnation? why or why not? No. I just don't find much pleasure or fulfilment thinking of existential stuff like that so I don't bother.

What relative are you closest with? My sister and eldest cousin on my mom's side.

Do you have any recurring dreams? Not really.

What last had you startled? My car hit this extremely, extremely low curb earlier today when I tried to turn towards the gas station haha. Even the gas station attendants got shaken up HAHAHA.

What emotion have you experienced most lately? DREAD. Anxiety. Nausea (not an emotion but still?). Eugh.

Let's say there are no obstacles preventing this.. What would you do for the rest of your life? Travel to every art exhibition in the world. Write about things I'm passionate about. Own an animal shelter.

What last made you feel proud? Seeing Yeontan being brought on stage by Taehyung when he performed on one of the music shows earlier this evening haha. I'm pretty easy to please.

What's an odd phobia someone you know has? Not a phobia per se but the Filipino superstition of pagpag has always struck me as odd. I don't follow it and will not voluntarily do it, but then again everyone drags me to do it nonetheless so I just go with the flow as it's just 5 minutes of my time, haha.

What did you last search online? Zayn Malik's Zap tattoo as my friends and I were talking about tattoos earlier.

Do you have any ghost stories you've experienced? No.

If you were to be a food, what would you be and why? Idk, I don't really match personalities to food.

When did you last dust your home? I'm not in charge of dusting but I did sweep the floor, which is what I usually take care of, earlier this evening before leaving to see some friends.

If you could pick an age to stop aging at, what would you choose? I wouldn't choose any.

[vtori73]

Having friends seems overrated or at least that's what I've learned it seems like nowadays. Before when I had friends I was basically the cheerleader/mom sort of one, I supported them, I shared their work and if they were a part of in person events I would try to go but if not I tried to share words of support and even give them direct compensation as an apology/act of support (I once sent the ticket amount to a friend because I felt bad I couldn't go to an event they were apart of) but... I never really got that kind of support from them in return. Some might say at least they weren't discouraging but I mean... their "neutrality" wasn't all that great either.

I just felt like they left me behind, they could care less about me and no one can tell me I'm wrong for saying so because it's the truth, only 1 of them speaks to me anymore. I can't say I was always the cheerleader though and it might be why they stopped contacting me but I'll never know because they never said anything. I just assume though now going off of a change that happened to me one day when I noticed back when I was in college with a part time job, I noticed that I was the main/sole one who would initiate contact first and... It bothered me. Friends/friendship takes work so why was I the one putting in most of the effort? Why was I the one checking in on them most of the time without them really ever doing the same even though I was the one open about having depression at times (this might actually be the main answer to my question tbh, being disabled, which includes mental health btw tends to get you ostracized from others who arent/don't see themselves as disabled/are ableist because they don't want to put in extra effort for those who require it they only want people who require the same amount of work which always means able bodied people or people who don't require much OR who don't ask for much). Why was I the only one hyping up/sharing their work across platforms (sure it was useless since nobody followed me but I tried, I still tried) and yet they hardly ever and even probably never did the same for me? I just...

I use to think it was mean of me to feel this way, that maybe I was just being too dramatic and taking things personally and maybe I'm forgetting things nowadays but my opinion was this back then and hasn't changed maybe soften at time becomes my memory grows weaker of those time but if the me who was there at the time felt that way I had a valid reason to and I'm not going to try and tell myself I didn't just because I can no longer remember and want to hold consideration for people who aren't even around to care if I did anymore.

But I've learned from social media that seems to be what you should expect from friendships, seeing all these "you don't owe anyone anything" mentality and people who feel like doing anything more than casual conversation and outgoings is "too much effort" or "tmi" and that friendships are more casual then I was led to believe growing up. I think our media has romanticized friends/friendships and due to that had higher expectations then I should have which has led to nothing but disappointment and loneliness so I guess have no one to blame but myself.

I now do think they weren't that great of friends to begin with if they only cared when things were easy/casual. I don't think they are bad people, but good friends? No, I don't think so and refuse to let myself feel bad for thinking and now believing this.

And even though I think our media has romanticized friendships I am probably going to still do it within my work because I want my work to be escapist but with meaning. People always want to throw the people who try to escape reality under the bus but don't realize MANY people have legit reasons to be cause their reality is awful and they don't have anything else so escapist media is there to bring some much needed positivity and enjoyment to their lives. It's interesting when we see these stories, these cautionary tales of not being like these people because trying to escape reality is BAD and usually these people are pretty privileged in some way or another and are able to make a change or something for many they can't so is it wrong of them to escape in the media they consume? Is it? Because I honestly don't think so but so many people would be quick to judge them even though they don't know what it's like to live their life.

I can't say I am exactly that person though, I do have many privileges I just... things are hard when you're lonely and feel like you don't really have any real support.

[herofics]

Okay I have one. How about mirio, izuku, and bakugou (separately) finding out their s/o had been going back to therapy again and didn't tell them. Like they used to be in therapy years ago but seemed to have "gotten better" but still ended up back in therapy. That's kinda how it's goin'.

I miss therapy tbh, sure it was very draining mentally, but it helped me so much. I still have counseling once a month but it’s not really intensive therapy like I used to have almost five years ago. I could use some more frequent therapy again tbh. This is again on the more hopeful and comfort rather than angsty side. In their twenties and living together I guess. I decided to put Deku and Mirio under the cut, so check there if you want to read them

~Bakugou Katsuki~

“Why the fuck wouldn’t you just tell me!? I feel like I’m entitled to know when my partner isn’t doing well, so how about you don’t keep things like this from me?!” Bakugou growled in a very annoyed tone.

“It’s just therapy, Katsuki, it’s no big deal” you tried to argue back, but he wasn’t having it.

“It’s just therapy” my ass, there’s a fucking reason you’re going there. No one goes to therapy without a reason, especially not someone with your mental health history” he ranted.

Bakugou was incredibly pissed, mostly at himself. He had noticed you’d been a bit more shut off recently, and he hated himself for not having noticed how bad you were truly feeling.

“You could use some damn therapy yourself” you muttered under your breath.

For a moment Bakugou looked like he was about to start raging at you, but he just exhaled deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers.

“Fine, fine… You’re probably right about me needing therapy but we’re not talking about me right now. Could you just please tell me what made you go back to therapy, so I can maybe fucking help?” he said more calmly.

“I… I just wasn’t feeling like myself, at least no like my good self. The intrusive thoughts, anxiety and depression were getting bad again, so I figured I’d nip it in the bud before it got really bad” you shrugged.

“So why wouldn’t you just tell me?”

“I guess I just didn’t want you to think I’m weak. I’ve been doing well for such a long time and I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me” you said, trying to sound unbothered.

“Babe, you’re one of the strongest people I know. You’ve gotten through so much shit on your own, but you’re not alone anymore, so don’t act like you are”

That got you to go quiet. He was right, you weren’t alone anymore, you hadn’t been for a while now.

“And if I’ve got any say in it, you’re never gonna be alone again” Bakugou added, stepping towards you and pulling you into a hug.

You were so darn close to tearing up but you fought the feeling to the best of your ability. You wrapped your arms around him tightly, grasping the back of his shirt and burying your face to his shoulder.

“Just fucking talk to me too, okay? I’m always here for you and I want to know first hand if you’re not doing well” he said, hugging you tighter.

“Thank you” you mumbled into the shoulder of his shirt, trying to hold back tears.

~Mirio Togata~

You’d decided to go back to therapy, without telling Mirio. You had been doing well for such a long time before this, but since things had started to go downhill, you had decided to get some help.

You weren’t really sure why you hadn’t told Mirio, maybe you wanted him to keep believing you were doing well and that he didn’t have to worry about you. Maybe you just felt like if you got better quick, he would never need to know about your little slump.

You didn’t want to burden him with your problems, since he had so many other things going on. He had just taken over the former Nighteye hero agency and was busy with all the new applications and the new recruits. Mirio was going to work early and coming home later and later every day.

Mirio felt bad about working so much, so he had arranged himself a free afternoon, so he could surprise you with a nice dinner. He really wanted to make up for basically only being home to sleep for the past month or so.

He came home at around two in the afternoon. You weren’t home, as he expected, you still had an hour before your work ended after all. You were usually home at about half past three, so he had time to make a shopping list and hit the grocery store for the dinner ingredients.

Half past three came and went though and you were nowhere to be seen. When the clock hit four, he decided to call you. You didn’t answer and his text had also gone unread.

“Damn” he muttered.

Mirio wasn’t exactly worried yet, but he was getting there. He decided to start the dinner preparations to keep his mind off of the whole thing. You were just running late, that was surely it.

You’d gone to therapy straight after work. It started at half past three and would end at five, since it was a double session.

When the session ended, you checked your phone. There was a missed call from Mirio and a message as well. The message was asking if you were okay, and if you were running late coming home.

You didn’t realize why he would ask those things since you assumed he would be late at work again. But while you were walking home, you realized he must have been at home.

“Why did he have to do this today?” you sighed and shook your head.

You decided not to answer his text since you were close to home anyway and it wouldn’t take you long to get there.

You hesitated for a moment when you got to the front door. You would have to tell Mirio where you’d been, or to come up with an exceptionally good excuse. You sighed and put the key in the clock, twisting it open.

The moment you got the door open, you were hit with an amazing scent of food. Of course he’d cook for you, he usually did on his days off.

“Hey” you greeted as you shut the door behind you.

“Hey babe” Mirio said, peeking his head out through the wall of the kitchen. “Where have you been?”

“Therapy” you said nonchalantly as you hung your jacket on the hanger.

“Oh?” you could hear the surprise in his voice as his face disappeared back through the kitchen wall, and he soon walked around the corner.

“Yeah…”

“How long have you been going?” he asked.

“About a month now” you said.

“Is there a reason you didn’t want to tell me?”

“I… don’t really know” you sighed. “The food smells amazing, could we maybe just eat?” trying to worm your way out of the conversation.

“Sure, but I would like to know why you didn’t tell me?”

“I’ll tell you as soon as I figure it out myself” you joked dryly.

You tried to walk past Mirio, but he grabbed your hand to stop you.

“I’m sorry I’ve been working so much, I know it can’t be easy on you since you have to be alone so much” he said, with a sad look in his eyes.

“Don’t you dare think this is in any way your fault. I hadn’t been feeling the best for a while before I decided to go back to therapy” you said sternly, placing your hands gently on his cheeks.

It broke your heart to see him like that. He always took everything upon himself, even when he definitely didn’t need to. You didn’t want him to blame himself for this. It wasn’t his fault, it wasn’t anyone’s fault, sometimes things just happened and there wasn’t anything anyone could do to stop those things from occurring.

“Just… promise me to keep me updated on how you’re feeling? Even if I’m not here all the time, I want to know if you feel even a little bit down” Mirio said tenderly, grabbing your hand from his cheek and placing a kiss on your palm.

“I promise, as long as you promise me you won’t burn yourself out with all the work stuff you have going on”

“I’ll try not to” he said with a jokey tone.

You smacked him on the shoulder lightly with a roll of your eyes, earning a chuckle and an over dramatic “ow” from him, before he wrapped his arms around you and lifted you off the floor.

“I love you and I hope you get the help you need from therapy, and I want you to know I’m here whenever you need me” he smiled that stunning smile of his.

“I love you too” you smiled.

“Shall we go eat?” Mirio smirked.

“Oh yeah, I’m starving”

“Alright” Mirio said excitedly, and lifted you so you were fully in his arms in a bridal style carry.

“You don’t need to carry me, I can walk” you giggled.

“You can’t stop me” he grinned.

You just rolled your eyes with a smile and snuggled your face to his chest.

“I don’t even want to” you muttered happily into his shirt.

~Midoriya Izuku~

Midoriya was running around the city on patrol, when he noticed a familiar figure on the street next to the building he was on top of.

He was about to float down and call out to you, but you went into the building. Midoriya wasn’t sure what you were doing in that part of town, but as he jumped down to look at the building, he realized it looked familiar.

He was pretty sure it was where your therapist had had their office a few years back.

“Why would they be here?” he wondered out loud as he landed on the street.

“Omg! It’s Deku!” some passerby shouted excitedly.

Before he knew it, he was swarmed by people wanting autographs and pictures, and the situation with you slipped his mind.

When Midoriya came home that evening, you were sitting on the couch, munching on some chips and watching some TV show.

“Hey” you greeted, without taking your eyes off the screen.

“Hey, were you around the main library today? I thought I saw you there” he asked, trying to sound nonchalant but failing miserably.

Midoriya couldn’t think of anything else that was near the therapist's office so he just went with the library.

“Yeah, I… went to see my therapist” you said quietly, turning off the TV.

“Oh? Can I ask why?”

“I’ve just not been feeling that good lately, that’s all, nothing major” you shrugged.

Midoriya sat down next to you on the couch and took your hand.

“Are you sure? I’m proud of you for getting help, but I also know it’s hard for you to ask for it, so something must be wrong for you to get back to therapy”

“I didn’t want you to worry so I tried to hide it, but I’ve been pretty depressed again lately, and the anxiety has been getting bad also”

“Oh love” he sighed with a sad look in his eyes.

Midoriya felt bad for not noticing how bad things had gotten for you. He had known you weren’t having the easiest time with your mental health, but he didn’t know it was this bad.

“It’s not like things are super bad, I just decided to do something about it before it got really bad” you said, squeezing his hand.

“I should’ve noticed, I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you lately, I don’t have any excuses” he said.

“It’s not your fault, these things just happen sometime” you said.

“I want to help you going forward, please tell me if there’s anything I can do for you or anything you need” he said, looking at you with such conviction in his eyes it made your heart melt.

“And I love you so much for that, but I don’t want you to drive yourself crazy with how I’m doing. I’m going to talk to you more from now on, as long as you promise to also talk to me” you said, putting your hand on the side of his face and brushing his cheek with your thumb.

Midoriya leaned his head into your hand and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. You chuckled because him doing that reminded you of a very cute bunny. He put his hand on top of yours to keep it on his cheek.

“I love you Izuku” you said and kissed him on the forehead

“I love you too” he said and opened his eyes, looking at you with an adoring expression.

[bbmyungho]

Seventeen + an s/o with ADHD

a/n: sorry this isn’t an update on SNCTD; trust me, I’m just as excited as you guys to finish the story, but my mental health hasn’t been all that great lately if i’m being honest, and i’ve missed writing for svt so... two birds with one stone, y’know :) also, quick disclaimer: this specific reaction post will mainly center around my own experience with my ADHD/the symptoms that especially affect me. you may be able to relate to it, you may not, but i hope you enjoy it either way, i tried to include kind of a range of manifestations. if you don’t struggle with ADHD or ADD, i would definitely advise that you look into ways you can better understand people who do and maybe help them out, and if you do struggle with it, remember that you are valid and you matter so much no matter what your brain says or does <3 we all have days where we struggle to understand that, but i swear it’s true and i’m always here if you ever want to talk about it <3

s. coups/seungcheol

always reminding you to take care of yourself and your mental health first

he rubs your head and/or shoulders when you’re having trouble with grounding yourself and staying focused (like he does with jeonghan’s hair i <<<<</////3333)

he’s very good at disguising when he’s gently reminding you about things or encouraging you to get work he knows you have due soon done with jokes or banter (so you don’t feel bad about forgetting or getting distracted)

you bet he’s going to be up in the forums trying to figure out ways other people help out their loved ones and see if there’s anything else he can do to improve how he shows that he’s there for you

jeonghan

very gentle and patient

he hates the sound of his alarm but he keeps one in his phone to remind you to take your medicine (if you take it) because he knows if you’re doing something else when yours goes off you’ll just swipe off and forget about it

every once in a while just out of nowhere he’ll make it a point to remind you how special you are to him and make sure you know that you are so much more than your disability and you’re doing so well with it look at you go

encourages breaks like his life depends on it he really likes to hold you during your breaks pls let him love you

joshua

always brings an extra pair of headphones or an extra mask for you if you tend to misplace or forget things

he keeps reminders and notes about important events or appointments in your schedule in his phone alongside all of his stuff so he can a) know what you’re up to every once in a while and b) make sure you get there on time and prepared with a good luck text from your wonderful boyfriend :)))

he doesn’t mind having to repeat himself if you’re zoned out and he always reminds you you don’t have to apologize when you ask him to; he understands you’re not just uninterested, and he wants to help you get out of the cycle of apologizing for something you can’t control

your hyperfixations become his hyperfixations: he might not be able to really invest in them like you do but he will watch whatever show you want or listen to whatever music

plus whatever he sees when he’s out that relates to it or reminds him of you, he’ll pick it up; v supportive in your hyperfixations!!

jun

jun is a godsend for really bad executive dysfunction days omg

i feel like if you’re ever struggling to get your thoughts in order or think of the right word to say, he knows exactly what you mean and he’ll help you out with it

also i feel like he’s pretty good at keeping up with stuff if you’re super forgetful or tend to misplace things???

like you’ll be looking for your headphone case or something in your bag and he’ll pull it out of his jacket pocket like “oh you asked me to hold them earlier sorry i didn’t give them back” 

probably better at keeping up with your stuff than is he is his own ffs

hoshi/soonyoung

idk if anyone else really does this but i tend to isolate myself especially when i feel like i’m being really overzealous or obnoxious

but soonyoung absolutely hates when you do that

he tries to make it as clear as humanly possible that you could never ever be a burden or an annoyance to him and he likes to sit with you whenever you don’t feel like talking to people

he’s a pretty loud and energetic guy himself so i feel like if you’re having a hard time controlling your hyperactivity he’ll just match your energy

if he catches you picking at your nails or playing with your fingers a lot (just generally fidgeting a lot), he’ll pull you up to dance with him and you’ll let some of that energy out together :)

wonwoo

i feel like wonwoo is super sensitive to your needs and experiences specifically

like he knows exactly how you need him to react when you’re on the verge of tears because you’re so frustrated with yourself for not being able to focus or when you get overstimulated

he’s a pretty chill guy anyways so i feel like overstimulation isn’t a big problem with wonwoo, at least when it’s just you two; when it does happen, he’s content to sit in silence with you as long as you need him to and just hold your hand or stare at your cute face until you feel like you can breathe again

if you’re in need of stimulation, he’ll read to you aloud or turn the sound of whatever game he’s playing up so you can hear what’s going on, too

woozi/jihoon

100% composes little songs for you to listen to for whatever mood you’re in or whatever amount of stimulation you need

i feel like he’s quite awkward dealing with big shutdowns or panic attacks if you get really frustrated or over/under stimulated but he tries his best to be there for you when you need him

much like soonyoung, if you’ll let him sit with you when you feel like no one wants to see you or you don’t want to bother anyone, he’ll jump at the chance

dk/seokmin

sweet boy is so patient and kind :(((

he doesn’t care how many times you trip over your words or have to restart a sentence, he’ll wait for you to finish and will listen intently

he looks at you like you hung the stars in the sky doesn’t matter what kind of dumb shit you’re doing or saying

no matter what your brain comes up with or how out of left field it may seem, he’s always got something to say right back that will match your energy babes 

mingyu

mingyu hums to you to help you fall asleep 100%

he can listen to you talk for forever so if your ADHD manifests itself in talkativeness, he’s just that much happier

he always asks if you’ve eaten and will cook for you if you say you’ve forgotten or just haven’t gotten around to it

he likes it when you play with his hands or when he feels your knee bouncing against his if you’re having trouble sitting still, he thinks it’s kinda cute and just a little reminder that you’re there 

the8/minghao

minghao is a man of many talents and interests so he’s always got you with something to do if you’re feeling burnt out on your other interests or just generally bored

will grab your hand and play with your fingers if he notices you picking at your skin/nails a lot or cracking your knuckles

or like if he’s wearing rings that day he’ll hand you one so you can play with it 

that way you’re still receiving some sort of stimulation but you’re not literally tearing skin off of your hand or about to break your wrists so win-win

seungkwan

he likes to play song association games with you sometimes, whether it be an attempt to help with your dysfunction or just to see how far out of line you guys can get

he always sends you a good morning text with a reminder to take your medicine (again, if you’re medicated) and wishing you a great day

if you get frustrated and sad with yourself then he’ll get sad as well and do everything in his power to cheer you up

he’s always encouraging you and making it a point to remind you that you’re valid and you’re doing your best even if it feels like you aren’t

vernon

mans doesn’t know where or what he is half the time tbh so i don’t think executive dysfunction would be too much of a problem for him

you two communicate without words all the time, you understand each other better than anyone else

he’s pretty go with the flow like he can be just as hyper and loud and energetic as you or he can just lay there with you cuddled up on his chest, it doesn’t matter to him, he just wants to match your energy

he tries to listen to you well and learn as much as he can about ways he can help when you need him to

like joshua, will probably carry around extra headphones or an extra mask or something just incase you misplace or forget yours

dino/chan

he’s a bit clueless, at least at first, but he tries really hard to learn

he probably is the type to carry a fidget spinner or some sort of fidget device for you to play with if those kinds of things help you

he’s also probably very awkward about handing it to you because idk he’s just weird??

always happy to try out new things with you when you’re feeling burnt out on your old hobbies or try to teach you a new dance routine or something to keep you occupied

[particularemu]

Hiatus...

(Not @ me claiming to go on a hiatus when I’ve pretty much been on one for months—) 

Hey everyone... I’m writing a lil letter to you all because I’ve been making a lot of empty promises lately, and it’s making me feel sick to my stomach. 

I always had good intentions... I wanted to release one scenario a week — wanted to finish that long fic that took me a year to write — wanted to finish the ‘Insanity’ series, but... I just haven’t been able to. And I feel so guilty for not delivering...

See... I’m tired. I’m exhausted and I’m just... not happy anymore. If I’m 100% honest, I don’t know if I know what true happiness feels like. But I’m getting ahead of myself... 

I believe I’ve mentioned mental health struggles on this blog a couple of times, but I never really went into detail about how bad it is for me. Frankly, I’m not typically the type of person to projectile vomit my personal life everywhere, but... I feel so alone right now and this is my last fucking hope that people actually care about my existence.

Because right now? I feel so lost and alone... 

The reason I’m sharing this with you guys is because I’m hoping you can understand where I’m coming from... I’m hoping you guys can understand why I’ve been so distant lately — and why I’ve struggled to finish ANYTHING. 

Depression and anxiety has always ruled my life, but it got MUCH worse after my stupid ass made some bad decisions in college that lead to me getting traumatized. And honestly? People say I shouldn’t blame myself, but I feel otherwise. 

This past year? That trauma was dug up, which helped plummet my headspace so far down... that I don’t know if I can even recover. I tried writing to soothe the pain in my heart, but that didn’t help — and neither did alcohol. Unfortunately, I turned to other, more harmful methods to try and ease the pain. 

I tried reaching out to friends so I wouldn’t feel so alone, but my brain decided to do that shit where it goes, “Stop being annoying. They’re busy.” “They don’t want to talk to you. You’re too depressing.” “They’re already struggling. You don’t need to add to their pain.” So I would end up putting the phone down and dealing with things myself, which mostly consisted of me trying to ignore the problem at hand. 

And because of that? Everyone who promised they wouldn’t leave... left. Everyone who promised they’d stay by my side, deactivated without a goodbye. I know this is my fault... I know it is. Because ultimately, my fears kept me from keeping the only friends I could rely on. 

I’m a shit person... I really am... I don’t know how to handle anything and I just want to call it quits and disappear... I’m scared to get close to anyone... I’m scared of fucking things up. I’m scared of being a failure. I’m just not good enough... I’ve never been good enough... I never will be good enough... 

I just need to accept that.

Anyways... The point of this post is to say that I’m going on a hiatus, because my headspace is so fragile right now. And now there’s all this stuff going on with Hyunjin... (I really hope he’s holding up okay... The poor kid doesn’t deserve all of this drama... I hope he rests well on his break)  

Guys I can’t handle it right now... I really can’t. I can’t come on Tumblr and continue to see all of the hateful shit in my timeline. I can’t see people shit-talk each other on the daily... It’ll only end up with me snapping and doing something I’ll regret. 

I was doing better, but now we’re back to having multiple breakdowns a day and I can’t subject myself to information that will stress me out more. 

Tbh, I don’t really know what the hell this post was supposed to be. It started out as some weird hiatus announcement, then ended with, LET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT MY FUCKED-UP BRAIN! I guess I just needed to talk to someone... anyone... even if it’s just strangers on the internet. 

Because... I don’t know where my friends went... I’m lost, alone, and at this point? I’m pretty scared. I’m so fucking tired...

Sorry for the long letter. and I’m sorry for being a shitty writer, a shitty friend, and a shitty person. But in truth, I doubt anyone here could hate me near as much as I hate myself.

So I guess I’m out... Time to cry alone again. 

(TLDR; I’m going on a hiatus. I love and support Hyunjin. & I’m a piece of garbage) 

[mortedeveles]

I’m Okay.

PART TWO. 

SUMMARY: Ever since you were young, your mind has always been clouded with negative thoughts about yourself and your shoulders were always heavy with an invisible weight. But now you’re dating the infamous Katsuki Bakugou, and you couldn’t be happier. He made you feel so confident that you decided to come clean to your dad about your mental health issues. Buzzing with courage, you can only hope everything turns out okay. But as it turns out, you were absolutely wrong.

GENRE: angst, like a lot lot, hurt comfort and fluff. [ONE-SHOT]

PAIRING: Katsuki Bakugou x fem!reader. (i will be writing gn! reader soon, but i still have to adjust to it) 

TW: mental health issues, mentions of suicide, cursing, etc.

Copyright © 2020-2021 by Veles.

A/N: it’s a bit short tbh, apologies fellas. this oneshot is inspired from my personal experience, with some differences and adjustments. should i make a part two of this? i’m tempted but idk,, lmk what you think! anyways, enjoy!

ITALIC is for thoughts or flashbacks!

BOLD is for texting (with some exceptions)

Y/N had never been particularly confident in herself, but Katsuki Bakugou had always made her feel otherwise. When she was with him, she knew anything was possible.

You're strong and brave. Don't put yourself down, okay nerd?!. You're my girlfriend, how could you not be amazing? Katsuki's grumbled words repeated over in Y/N's head, filling her up with a giddy feeling. If Katsuki believed in her, then maybe she could do it.

Yeah, she definitely could do this. No big deal. All she had to do was confess to her oblivious father that she had been dealing with insecurities and mental health issues for years and wanted his help. No biggie.

''So, what did you want to talk about?'' her father asked. He was sitting on the foot of her bed, waiting for her to respond.

Shit. I forgot I asked him to talk tonight, she thought. Well, I can't back down now.

Breathing deeply, Y/N raised her gaze to her father's face and spoke quietly.

''Dad, I think I have depression,'' Losing her confidence and courage, she lowered her gaze to her blankets. Her fists tightened around them. 

''I-I, I don't know why but I've felt so bad and worthless for years, I feel sad because I'm ugly and stupid, I'm so unattractive that no one's ever shown interest in me and it feels like I'm going to die alone. I don't mean to feel like this, it's just-just, sometimes, I can feel like I'm at the top of the world and the next, I feel so sad and disgusted with myself that I can't help but cry.'' 

With a heavy sigh, the girl raised her gaze and awaited her father's answer. She could feel her heart flip and her stomach twist with anxiety.

What would he say? Maybe he'd smile and hug her, offering her his endless support. Or maybe, he'll sigh and hug her, saying that he knew all along. Maybe he knew that she cried herself to sleep nearly every day and that it hurt so, so much to be alive. 

Her heart dropped when her father sighed in response. He shook his head in disapproval as he rubbed his temples.

Please, say something, dad. She wanted to say. But all her voice was nowhere to be found.

Say something.

''Don't be so dramatic. You have a happy family, we're pretty good on money and you have a roof over your head. What else can you want?'' he snapped, eyes blazing with irritation.

Y/N's mouth opened in shock and as much as she wanted to reply, her voice was gone.

''Stop feeling so much self-pity for yourself. The only thing you're accomplishing is wasting your life by complaining and sitting on your ass, doing nothing! Don't come to me saying you're depressed. Do you know how much I've suffered? I'm paralyzed. I lived with abusive parents all my life. I've always had a disadvantage because of my condition. You haven't suffered a bit...You have everything in your hands!'' 

Her father continued ranting angrily, but Y/N's focus was gone. Her eyes glazed over with tears, but she forced herself to hold them in.

Grow up, he said.

Stop being so dramatic.

Her throat clogged up and her chest tightened. She had been working up the confidence to tell her dad, who swore to protect her and support her for her entire life, the courage to tell him about her illness for years. Y/N isn't exactly sure when it started, but she can barely remember anything before it. She couldn’t remember how it felt to be truly happy.

Though she can't pinpoint an exact date for it or even a goddamn cause, Y/N remembers that she's felt like this for around five years. It started when she was a naive and rude ten-year-old child, who refused to play with her friends and would rather read books. 

She doesn't remember why it happened, but she can remember with clarity the nights she would slouch over her laptop, listening to soft music that would make her cry quietly. Maybe it had to do with the fact that as a child, she refused to adapt to social situations. Her heart would feel heavy for no absolute reason and she hated it. It was overwhelming, Y/N wanted to claw at her chest and rip it open, plunging her hand inside to retrieve her heart and fix whatever was wrong with it. What was wrong with her? Why wasn’t she...normal?

The sudden loss of weight on her bed snapped her out of her thoughts. Her dad was looking at her solemnly, nodding at her as he bid her good night. She responded with a shaky nod and once her father had closed the doors and turned the lights off, she could feel everything.

There were heavy, wet, and warm tears forming in her eyes, her hands were trembling and her chest felt like it was about to explode. 

When she heard her dad's bedroom door close shut, her tears broke loose. Y/N clamped her hand over her mouth, muffling her sobs as her shoulders shook with each cry. She heard her phone vibrating loudly next to her and her cries stopped momentarily. 

Wiping away the tears, she squinted her eyes on the screen, only to see Katsuki's contact pop up on her notifications. Subconsciously, a small and weak smile graced her lips.

Ah right, I have a boyfriend, she thought.  Maybe I'm not so ugly and useless after all.

EXPLOSIVE TEDDY BEAR: Hey nerd. Are you okay? 

Y/N laughed harshly. Her throat was beginning to feel raw and dry from crying. Her eyes read the message over and over as she debated what to do.

Katsuki was her boyfriend, right? If something was bothering her, she should let him know. Y/N knew that Katsuki valued honesty a lot.

But then, she was reminded of his proud and loud behavior. He was nice and kind to her, but that didn't stop him from being loud and abrasive. Whether they were dating or not, she was still dubbed as ''nerd''. The nickname made her smile. 

Katsuki was an excellent student- perhaps a bit too violent and murderous- but he had good intentions. He was strong and determined. Y/N doubted he'd understand what she was going through. In their three months of dating, she hadn't seen him express any emotions of insecurity or depression, maybe some sprinkles of jealousy here and there, but no insecurities.

With each thought and argument running across her head, Y/N was sure she shouldn't bother him with this. After all, he was a hero-in-training. Katsuki doesn't have time to deal with her problems. He was probably too busy with his own problems.

Y/N: Of course I'm fine. What makes you think I'm not?

Y/N: I'm perfectly fine :)

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

(TW for meds, insomnia, hospital, accident, death, pandemic, violence) This is an ask for reassurance and advice. I currently take medicine that was prescribed to me after my trauma to treat insomnia. I thought this would just be a "band-aid" solution but it feels like life kept spiraling downhill and I've had to continue to stay on the med for now. I won't get into the details but after my first trauma (which was a personal trauma, no one else was hurt or impacted but me), I then had a (1/10)

sudden death in the family, my mom was paralyzed after an accident, and I also had to start taking care of a family member in the late stages of Alzheimer's. When my mom was paralyzed and my other family member died, I was put on a psychiatric waiver from my classes because my school said I was too unstable to keep attending. I tried to seek help from my school's counseling center twice. The first time, they wouldn't see me because I wasn't enrolled at the time (this was after my first trauma which involved hospitalization so I wasn't taking classes).

The second time (after the death + accident + becoming a caretaker), they literally said that my problems were "too severe" for them to deal with but wouldn't give me any other resources. So rather than receiving proper long-term counseling, I've had to rely on my medicine. Like I mentioned, it's prescribed to me by a doctor, I don't abuse it, I'm on a small dose, and I don't get any side effects from it. But I just see it as a personal failure because I think to myself "If only I had gotten better help before, I wouldn't be relying on medication now." Plus even with medication due to my life being so unstable I still encounter issues with sleep and have sleep-related anxiety in general. I don't feel ready to come off my medication for now, because I feel like a change in medication would be a bad idea given my current circumstances and tbh the pandemic has made things that were already stressful even more stressful, for example there's been vaccine shortages where I live, lots of fights and violence in broad daylight, and just... really bad policies that have kept the pandemic out of control compared to other places.

I'm not living in a stable environment, I've always hated this city and the pandemic made me realize just how little I can keep tolerating it. I'm currently going to a new school I'm hopefully graduating from soon and still get extreme stress on a daily basis thanks to having to take care of my family members on top of loads of schoolwork. I did see a counselor (only short-term though because they ended up moving out of this country) who said my dose is safe and that they believe that once I eliminate some of the stressors from my life (like finally graduating school and leaving this bad environment) and can focus on my trauma recovery without as much stress, I will eventually not need the medicine anymore, and will be able to gradually wean off of it.

I have researched about this online and would do it carefully under the guidance of a medical professional, plus like I mentioned before I'm on a low dose and never abuse it. There's been times where I've fallen asleep without it and also some times where I've been able to go for months on a reduced dose comfortably, until some obstacle sets me back and I'm back to feeling like I need the full dose again. I still have a LOT of fear like "What if I'm STILL too mentally messed up even after life gets less stressful for me? What if I run into new traumas? What if it's too difficult for me to stop needing my medicine to sleep? What if the problem is all ME and I'm just this messed up person beyond repair who failed at being a human thanks to my trauma ruining me?" and I get extremely, overwhelmingly panicked over those thoughts literally every day.

One fear in particular that I have is that I know when my relative with Alzheimer's dies, it will be absolutely devastating. I just wish my initial trauma would have never happened to me, because now it feels like my brain is far too messed up to handle ANYTHING else, whether it's just school or if it's something more serious like more deaths/accidents in the family. I feel like if someone else were going through this I would support them and encourage them but I can't give my brain the same treatment I would give to someone else. I just feel like I'm stuck in this situation and it all goes back to not getting the right help from the right people at the right time.

Can I have some advice and reassurance about how to approach all of this? (Also, I wanted to add that I have severe health anxiety, so if possible I would appreciate if you could please try to avoid saying things that would make my anxiety worse in regards to health topics since I see a lot of "worst case scenario" type stuff online that causes me to panic and I want to focus on positive possibilities instead, please) Thanks!

---

Hi Anon,

First of all, it sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of stress and holding up really well considering that. I know it may feel like you’re not doing well at all, but it sounds like you’re still getting through school and taking care of family, both of which are not easy things. You should feel good about the fact you’re doing a lot better than many people would be in the same situation.

The fact that you are taking a medication isn’t a failure at all. If someone was depressed and taking an anti-depressant medication to treat it, that wouldn’t be a sign of weakness. If someone had a lactose intolerance and sometimes took a medication so they could eat cheese while minimizing the effects, that wouldn’t be “wrong”.

It sounds like your school’s counselling center failed you. That really sucks. But it isn’t your fault that they wouldn’t help you or even get you access to other resources - it sounds like you did what you could to get help, especially considering everything that you were going through.

You are not a failure because you need a bit of help, especially with everything you are handling right now. It would have been great if you had gotten the help you needed before, but now you should be focused on doing what you can to reduce the stress in your life. Graduating school is obviously a big thing you can do to help yourself. But also, if there is a way you can get more help taking care of family, you may want to make use of that. If there’s another way to access counselling, you may to try that. If meditation, mindfulness exercises, or any other stress management techniques are helpful to you, those are a possibility as well.

There is no shame at all in taking a medication to help you sleep, but I also have confidence that things will get better and you will be able to wean off of it in the future (but it’s okay if you decide not to do this, too). You’re doing great. Things will get better.

You’ve got this.

- Mod Ess

[koishua]

𝙂𝙀𝙏 𝙏𝙊 𝙆𝙉𝙊𝙒 𝙈𝙀 𝙏𝘼𝙂 !

tagged by: @luvvseong @yangyangify @spookybias @iuwon @floraljae (thank you, my loves <3)

tagging: @zhongwrld @moonbeamsung @rutosruru @lyjikyu @armysantiny @kopikokun @mochiable @envirae @channoticedmeuwu @radiorenjun @lebrookestore @whiteprincessofnohr + anyone who would like to do it!!

notes from vie: oml what the hell was this. honestly, this was so long, but i think it allowed me to reflect upon myself for a moment lmao.

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙖𝙮 𝙞𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙗𝙞𝙧𝙩𝙝𝙙𝙖𝙮

october twenty eighth! on winwin day, nonetheless!

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩❜𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙧

i adore every single one smh. if it were palettes we were speaking about, then it would probably be greyish blue tones and beige to yellow ones!

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩❜𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙮 𝙣𝙪𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧

my lucky number does not work, because my misfortune overpowers it way too much. i like the number eight, though!

𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙥𝙚𝙩𝙨

i used to have pet baby cobras, fishes, yellow and blue budgies, and aquatic turtles!

𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪

i am aspiring to reach 170 cm, but i am currently 159-160 cm! that would be 5'2"?? i think.

𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚

a pair of combat boots, white canvas shoes, and one sneakers for sports class... not many lmao i am not a shoe gal.

𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙜

changes everyday. as i am typing, however, it would be lose it by oh wonder, rush hour by gaho and run by one republic!

𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙞𝙚

i have three: rise of the guardians, room (2015), and... any studio ghibli movie tbh. whoops.

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙡 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙣𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚

i say that i do not have a type all of the time, but all of the people i have been attracted to and had a crush on were the wild, fun, and cute guys in my class. they also tend to be very kind and understanding as well. i am a sucker for people who smile often.

they would have to be accepting of all of my flaws and love me regardless, just like the way i would do the same for them if i love them as well. i am also extremely touch deprived haha, so i would honestly be over the moon if they don't mind hugs and physical affection.

𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙣

only after i have a stable income and have things sorted out, because i don't want to struggle raising them because of financial and mental issues. no kid deserves parents that can't take care of them ig.

𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙜𝙤𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙣 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙖𝙬

the law from where i come from are terrible and something pretty bad has happened, but i'd rather that's kept in private haha. i swear i didn't commit any crimes lmao police are just incredible blind and unfair there.

𝙗𝙖𝙩𝙝 𝙤𝙧 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧

shower. i am way too impatient for baths. also, i feel weird sitting in a tub filled water while naked lmfao it's so weird for me.

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙧 𝙨𝙤𝙘𝙠𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜

grey.

𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙢𝙪𝙨𝙞𝙘

k-r&b, indie, pop-rock hybrid ig, lo-fi.

𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙥𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙨 𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙡𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝

only one below my head.

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙡𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙞𝙣

it varies. i sleep like a rock even though i can’t sleep for long, so i wake up in the exact position i initially fall asleep in. either on my back or my right side, since my left side isn’t too good lmao.

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙤𝙣❜𝙩 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪❜𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙡𝙚𝙚𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙜

buzzing mosquitos and damp, hot air (which is very rare, so i guess we are okay). i also hate being cold, so i sleep with two blankets even during summer haha. my limbs are ice-cold all the time smh

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙗𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙛𝙖𝙨𝙩

oats mixed with chocolate chunks.

𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙧𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙮

i never went to a club or took lessons, but we had a backyard where my dad allowed me to shoot at stuff with a bow and the few arrows he made. i was pretty good at aiming, but my eyesight has deteriorated, so i left it at that lmao

𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙛𝙧𝙪𝙞𝙩

watermelons and mangoes... also rambutan and mangis, but we don’t have them in germany ;-; i missed them.

𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙

fuck. and i am sorry to say that i use it here quite a lot.

𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙨𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙨

tons.

𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙖𝙧

some have called me a psychopath before, but they just don’t understand that i was raised by very strict parents and learned how to lie lmao. i am pretty ashamed to say yes.

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩❜𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙮 𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚

i have tested twice. once when i was fourteen, which showed that i was an infj-t, but then i took it again last year and it showed that i was an infp-t. i heard that 16Personalities was trash, though, so take it with a grain of salt.

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩❜𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡

my best friend. she is a wild character, ngl, but she and i communicate extremely well. she is outgoing, courageous, hilarious, and has no qualms with being the odd one. she isn’t overly obnoxious, but she has a nice kind of self-confidence going on.

𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙞𝙚 𝙤𝙧 𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙚

i love yang jeongIN. definitely an innie, because i don’t even remember what the front of my house looks like haha. i don’t go out unless someone literally grabs my arms and physically drags me out and i am not even joking with this one. 

𝙡𝙚𝙛𝙩 𝙤𝙧 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙙

i was originally right-handed, but then i got paranoid of breaking my right arm and having to study with my left arm all of a sudden and get bad grades, so i learned how to do stuff and write with my left hand as a kid.

𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙤𝙙

don’t have one. call me when we’re talking about dessert.

𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙞𝙜𝙣 𝙛𝙤𝙤𝙙

don’t have one.

𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙣 𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙮

my entire aesthetic is chaotic academia irl, so you tell me.

𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙥𝙝𝙧𝙖𝙨𝙚

oml, how tf, bahaha, bestie, no because-, hehe, lmao, i’m sobbing, i guess, toodles, etc etc.

𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙞𝙩 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙮

i can techincally be ready in five, but procrastination is the sole thing i excel at, so yeah, definitely half an hour.

𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙠 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛

cnversations happen in my head, my the office-esque reactions happen out loud. i talk a lot and imitate phrases i hear from someone to myself and reenact scenes from my daydreams bahaha

𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛

i don’t shut up. someone save the people that live with me.

𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧

definitely not the most technically sound vocalist, but i can hold a tune or two. i was a soloist in my choir for a few years and was the vocalist for a band, but we disbanded smh i am still very sad about that :/ i loved them so much.

𝙗𝙞𝙜𝙜𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙚𝙖𝙧

seeing my loved ones die before me.

𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖 𝙜𝙤���𝙨𝙞𝙥

i don’t feel comfortable talking bad about people :/ just ignore and move on.

𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙧 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙧𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙞𝙧

i have hair that reaches my knees, but dear god do i want to chop it all off in one motion and get a yeeun-style bob cut.

𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙨𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙡 𝙨𝙪𝙗𝙟𝙚𝙘𝙩

sports and art. to hell with everything else. i’m not bad at them at all, but oh gosh i want to burn them all.

𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙩 𝙤𝙧 𝙚𝙭𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙩

... idk. i hate speaking to strangers and feel so awkward during one on one conversations with friends. i don’t go out a lot and social events tire me out, but i also crave noise happening around me. so,,, ambivert? i do tend to be the life of the party often during the few times i go out, but then i just lug myself back home and crash for the week lmao

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙤𝙪𝙨

anything related to school. i have regular panic attacks /gen. also, i have thalassaphobia and megalophobia, so things larger than life and the vast, empty ocean terrifies me and movies like that just make me nauseous. 

𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡 𝙘𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙝

my first real crush this one guy in my band. he was the other vocalist and was so pretty and fun. he always used to tease me smh. at least, that was something. but then we had to disband last year, because the older guys were moving away to study and us high schoolers were also moving to different cities ;-;

𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙛𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙧𝙪𝙣

i was in my middle school track team and used to compete a lot since i was pretty agile, but then i started to hate running, stopped, and now i am just a little above average bahaha.

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙧 𝙞𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙞𝙧

black. i want to dye it with cotton candy colored highlights, tho!

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙧𝙮

unnecessary comments, rude and obnoxious, self-entitled kids and people in general, people who tell you how to do your own job, hate comments, the basic dni criterias as well 

𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙚

kind of?

𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙖 𝙗𝙤𝙮 𝙤𝙧 𝙖 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡 𝙖𝙨 𝙖 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙

i would want a girl.

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙜𝙩𝙝𝙨

i have cold hands if you want to cool down. i can adapt to any kind of environment instantly, since i have moved twelve different times to fifferent schools and countries. bless my parents. i have gained the ability to conquer shifts in social environments at the cost of my mental health :’) i also consider myself to be nice and can get things down quickly, so i am a fast learner.

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙨

kanemoto yoshinori, yoshi, eye smiles, and brownies. i am also very impatient, a perfectionist, a procrastinator, and have absolutely zero self-control over aggression against my own body. i have trouble reacting to other people's emotional outbursts, be it crying or anger and don't know what to do and how to comfort them. i also have trouble opening up and am never authentic around people, so i don't have... friends, if that makes sense? i don't feel comfortable being myself and feel like i have to be the person that they want me to be? idek.

i get bored extremely easily and nothing interests me that much ig

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩❜𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙧 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙗𝙚𝙙𝙨𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙

blue.

𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙧 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙢

white and hints of blue.

[psyduckstudies]

2020, Better You 60 Day Challenge

Alright

I've been on and off Tumblr for the longest now. Despite saying I'll post every week and I'll come back and post more, I have failed to do so. I've been fake to y'all and lying to myself.

But,

This semester I've been doing a lot of work on my mental and emotional health! I went to counceling, started meditating again, picked up yoga, drank water with lemon like a fancy btch and journalled more. I'm proud at the progress I've made. And if you've made any progress, big or very tiny, it's still a win and you're still making progress!!

Feel free to share your own accomplishments with me! I'd love to hear them and hype you tf up! No accomplishment is too small.

It's safe to say, I still have a long way to go. The battle isn't over! I still procrastinate, I'm still insecure and indecisive and I have difficulty speaking my mind when talking to others. I'm not where I want to be just yet. But that doesn't mean, I can't be!

This new year , hell, I can even start today, I will push to embody the person I wish to be and I'd absolutely love it if you'd join me!

I'm talking several goals consistently for 2 months. I got the idea from the podcast, "the Mindset Mentor " by Rob Dial who is doing a 60 day iron mind challenge. With 10 to 12 goals! I thought it would be cool to follow a few goals of his but also a few of my own!!

For 60 days

We are going to:

Meditate - every morning after waking up. For how long you want but it's got to be noted and journaled

Take cold showers - cause I hear that's healthy and good for you. Tbh I'm not a fan of very cold water so I'll be starting at luke warm and working my way to cold

Yoga - every day in the morning. Keep up the stretching and practice those new positions. It'll pay off in the end

Drink nothing but water and unsweetened tea - we are cutting off the juice, the coffee, the alcohol, the soda! All of that is out (for 2 months, we got this) btw fruit smoothies don't count as long as there is no juice in it! Milk will also get a pass

Gratitude journaling - write down the things you're grateful for!

Self complements - who says you can't compliment yourself. Tell yourself 3 things you love about yourself every day. It can be small, like how soft your earlobes are or bigger, like how kind you were for spending personal time helping someone in need!

Learn something new - pick up that hobby or language you've been putting off. Be curious again and ask questions!

Read! -try to read several pages a day. If you haven't read in a long time, start with 15pgs a day of anything! Read webtoons or blogs and articles!

Say no - no more meaningless spending. No to inconvenience. No unnecessary hang outs with ppl ur not even close to. No to doing something that you really don't want to do that you agreed to because you felt bad saying no!!!! None of that! Be selfish and do what you want.

Lastly, any goal that you feel like you need to work on in order to be the best you!!

My 10th goal is to talk more. Practice being more fluent with the things I say, work on pronouncing things and speaking clearly.

I'm often misunderstood when I talk. My words get jumbled and I have difficulty explaining what I want to say. It's always been something I was insecure about and hence, I never liked participating or talking out loud! But I shouldn't let it hold me back. I can be better and I shouldn't be embarrassed by it anymore

I do have more goals and practices I wish to keep up that I will post separately, feel free to expand the goal list as well

Warnings! If you fck up a day, you gotta start that 60 day count all over!! We are in this to be the best version of ourselves and that takes commitment! You gotta start at some point! Do this for you! To be who YOU want to be. Don't give up and stay strong

I hope that you take the time and energy for the 1st 60 days of the new year and join me in this challenge. We can hold each other accountable!

Please comment below so I can keep track who wants to do this with me

I'll make a group chat for all those interested in joining me in my journey!

Like and share for support