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trashcanfills · 4 years ago

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Dear god why ok now i just had a weird mha dream with stain AGAIN. Like after some time i moved from mha fandom to dabble in other fandoms and then NOW MY BRAIN REMINDS ME OF MY FUCKING CRUSH ON THIS NOSELESS MAN after like how many months since that other vigilante dream with stain wtf hnnnngh pls brain stop doing to me

Ok but the dream was kinda interesting cus it was like an mha au of sorts. In the dream, I was of course a vigilante, and I didn’t display any visible evidence of quirk usage so i might have been quirkless? Was just hopping around the worse parts of various cities to stop crime happening whenever I can. Several times i just happen to encounter this other vigilante dude who was Stain when we chanced upon like the same crime scene.

Interestingly he wasnt known as a serial killer in this au, like yes he has apparently killed a few ppl but not specifically heroes or anything. He felt familiar to dream me for some reason and pretty sure it was the same for him so we became a bit more chill and friendly in our encounters.

We chatted a bit and apparently hes in the middle of an investigation of his own. He admits that he wasnt always a vigilante and had a kinda good life going for him, until sth happened that nearly resulted in his death and he became the person he was today. The circumstances resulting in his near-death were very suspect, which was what he was trying to look into.

It was implied that he was a Hero at some point so I filed that info later for research. I did some investigating on my own and from comparing his current self and his quirk to various other heroes that have been KIA, turns out he was an underground hero. Cant rmb the hero name tbh. But it hit me that this man was sb I had a history with, before I became a vigilante.

Flashback happens. Shows that both of us were classmates in the same hero high school. He was a loner like me, since we both disliked the class who wanted to be heroes for the wrong reasons. We became acquaintances, then friends once we realised we shared similar ideals of being a hero to help ppl. And uhh there was also a hint of something MORE btw us that I dont think we explicitly talked about (even tho we actually fucked once in his room or sth??? And we just end up not talking abt it for some reason?? Hnnnnngh???)

Closer to our time to graduation, we had plans to be heroes together. Oddly I had a really really bad gut feeling at this period of time, and told Chizome that he has to become a hero even if I didnt manage to, and that he has to move on even when Im gone. Which he was confused and upset by but I made him promise that cus you never know. I also wanted to talk to him abt the nature of our relationship, but before i could do that, something HAPPENED. And whatever it was I cannot for the life of me recall it but prob made me drop out of school and disappear altogether. Whatever happened I think really fucking spooked Chizome and made him grieve for me, but he made me that promise, and so he determined to continue being an underground hero, for his ideals, dreams and for that promise to me.

Dream me was confused and curious and also like wtf cus she didnt know she had known Stain, a close “friend” (cough cough) of hers before becoming a vigilante??? Which was weird af. There was a concerning gap of missing memories for a couple of months. I brushed it off earlier on apparently cus my memory was spotty in the first place, but usually i was able to rmb like the essentials of what happened in my life, so when I realised i couldnt rmb ANYTHING for this period of several months got me suspicious af. Earlier on I just thought I had dropped out of school to become a vigilante, but turns out it might be way more than that.

Cant fully recall details in the dream afterwards but it was strongly hinted that there was sth fishy going on wth the Hero commission grp and some weird gov conspiracy regarding the hero industry. That apparently Chizome was getting a bit close to while he was an underground hero which is why he got nearly killed. And then the dream ends here.

Oh boi this is such a fucking cool story idea cus I can imagine the story later on, dream me realises that whatever happened to her has got sth to do with the hero commission/gov conspiracy thing, like witnessing sth she wasnt meant to. Because of those realisations she decides to help Stain to on his mission, even though hes like no its dangerous and MY investigation and also secretly worried af for her. Then dream me might have chosen to tell him what she knows which means uhhh stain would realise that who she was and go from confusion to shock, and a whole bunch of confusing emotions plus rAGE cus someone/some grp had done this to her and also cus he still does care a lot abt her.

Whew ok this became like a fucking long post. I have figured out an ending I can put buuuut i aint gon spoil it just yet in case i might write this out cus damn. This also just made me realise I have a type, which is guys who are passionate and strong moral ideals they follow.

Thanks to anyone who managed to reach to the end here. This actually kinda reminds me of a stain x reader concept I had thought abt before. Prob might share it in a diff post uwu

#akaguro chizome #ideas #bnha au #mha au #akaguro chizome x reader #i guess #stain x reader #i guess...?#hnnnnnngh #why do I have to be reminded of my crush on this dude #NOW OF ALL TIMES???#i have an exam coming in a few days and several homework and grp projects to do ahhhhhhhhh #fuck #whelp

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smellycinnamonthundahfudge · 5 years ago

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twas tagged by both @parallelmarvel and @tare8chan. i actually cant believe i was hhaha i’m aiming to be the legit writer worthy of this tag game other writers participated in. think u for thanking of meh 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Author Name: smellycinnamonthundahfudge on tumblr, AND JUST IN, I’M petertheparkerpus_mjmonogram ON AO3 YALLLSSSS. I FINALLY CAME THEEERREEE YYAAAYYYYY

Fandom You Write For: predominantly mcu’s spideychelle. (i also wrote tz stuff back then heh). but, i have also written (but not posted) for hiccstrid, got, darejones, simmosa, incredibles 2, and bughead hahaha.

Where You Post: i started on tumblr, so literally all of the works i wanted to share are on here. buuttt, like i said, I JUST GOT AN AO3 ACCOUNT YALLSSS. i’ve posted my first pj fics on there for now, but i havent posted em all yet so i am now beginning the process of importing em. im excited :’’’)))

Most Popular One-Shot: Take Flight (peter & mj’s flight home from the ffh trip, click for a nervous jelly peter hehehe)

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: hhmmm, ok, so i’m not even sure if it classifies as a multi-chapter haha but i think so cus i wrote them as a continuous story in mind haha. i posted the “chapters” separately but i like to imagine it was just one story, Safehouse Sleepovers (consists of Safehouse, Safehouse Singalongs, and Hot chocolate). it’s my only multi-chapter story (not even sure if it classifies as one haha) so de facto most popular one hahaha. oh and it’s essentially a canon compliant post ffh fic bout pj bonding in the parkers’ safehouse hehe. (oh but i guess maybe the newly named airports could also be considered multi-chapter, is 2 chaps enough to call it that? haha so dunno maybe i take back the only mc story thing haha. it’s still the more popular one tho cus airports i wrote before ffh even came out haha)

Favorite Story You Wrote: oof this is a hard one... ooohhh, i feeelll like i gotta, just gotta go with 5 + 1 gifts and Just Breathe cus they’re just so precious 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 but tbh i luv all of em. just as whole fics, they seem better to me haha

Story You Were Nervous to Post: ALL BRUHHH i mean im just not that confident with my works yet haha. buttt the one i was rlly the most nervous about was Home for the Holidays cus it was my first time writing with an actual person in mind to write it for haha. plus, it was the first fic i wrote after pj month so oof gods was i rusty by the time i wrote it hahaha haaysst. i think it was ok enough tho. plus they said it was good so yay. im just glad i actually did it haha.

How Do You Choose Your Titles: eh just whatevs i feel is catchy and is a good concise nice indicator of the plot heh. hhmm i feel like i usually come up with titles during the brainstorming process for the fic, like before actually writing it or while writing it.

How Many of Your Stories Are:

Complete: if im counting the “chapters” i mentioned earlier as one story each, then probs round 24. i say probs cus there’s some fics i wrote somewhere, where i feel like i finished em but i dont have access to them currently so im not 100 if it’s complete by my standards or nah haha

In-Progress: hhhhmmm im not sure if it’s write to call these in-progress. i’d rather call em unfinished, like i have 16 unfinished stories, or just written out story outlines. im not sure if i should call em in progress cus im not sure if i even still rlly plan to finish em, yknow? haha like they really are genuinely fun interesting n creative story ideas n plans thus far, i feel. but i just- lazy, yknow? haha i have to build up to writing a story for A LOONGG TIME haha

Coming Soon: hehehehe. technically it’s completed already, all i have to do is just make the post on tumblr hehe (as of the moment i wrote this post). im so excited for yalls to read The Bathroom hihihi <333

Upcoming Story You’re Most Excited to Write: oofff im not even sure if im actually gonna wind up writing these buuuut, dancing pj still seems so cute n pure n fun. and also, in addition to the countless other aus my annoying brain came up with on pj month, my brain annoyingly got even more fic ideas rolling around it now:

a moulin rouge au (peter’s the famous singer/dancer known as the spider-man who attracts men and women alike in the famous moulin rouge run by liz toomes with a gallery of other colorful rogues, heroes, villains, and just other sorts of attractive characters based on the comicbooks of old. mj is a young new budding writer looking to gain world experience to write about. she winds up in the moulin rouge, meets the infamous spider-man and gets to know the kind man behind the alluring and mysterious mask. im imagining tom’s lsb, laura’s hollywood, and z’s halloween euphoria ep costume for the aesthetic im going for haha. im still torn on whether to keep the og ending or not hahahaha)

maybe a friends with benefits fic. where it’s not so angsty or full of drama. and genuinely just keeping it cool and chill til they inevitably just decide to actually get together/stay friends. it’s all up in the air and they’ll figure it out when they figure it out.

producers inspired, roommates au. the kdrama did the trope well and it made me want to see it applied to my two dorks 🥺🥺🥺🥺

lastly, a first time fic for our two dorky virgins hahaha. i kinda like the idea of them planning out their first time to the most minute of details and just the actual process of figuring out what they want to do n stuff haha just seems real cute to me 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

Do You Accept Prompts: hahahhaha look, i’m never one to say no ok? i mean, if i just straight up say no, im possibly saying no to potential ideas that are so inspiring i wind up writing it immediately. so yes, i’d like to say im willing to accept prompts. however, there is absolutely no guaranteed follow up and for that i’m sorry. i can just never know how i’ll react to an idea so there ya go. that’s my honest response haha.

im taggin the fic writers ive read over the years that havent been tagged by the ones that tagged me. hold my juice box. @spideymjlove @jediparkers @itsjacobperalta @thatsnicebutimmarried @bookishandbossy @thefudge @galaxy-parker @spideychelle-romanogers @spiders-n @petty-parker @smalltreenergy @dead-end-street @softboyholland @mamgt @justanotherfangirlpassingthrough @machiavelien @peterjonesparker @blaisezabini @thegreenwomanswalkman @crazy4dragons @dragonydreams @attachedtomybookshelf @haddocksortails @dyannehs @funkytoes @jenni41 @rebelcaptaindaily @starxdust22 no presh obvi. just thought dis might peak yalls interest. thanks for all that you’ve writtteeennnn 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 🥺🥺🥺🥺 (btw some of yalls might have just written hcs for all i know, i literally dunno anymore, but like i said iz nbd. just also wanted to give my thanks since im not entirely sure i was able to do so before)

#important #jazzessments

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kyucstudi · 6 years ago

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so i just practically survived my first year of high school and decided to do a whole guide for those incoming freshmen !! *uh this whole guide is gonna be (probably passive) aggressive and somewhat sarcastic just a heads up because why the fuck not *also this is based on my own personal experiences and my friends’ so uh this may not apply to you or sth

your first year may be really goddamn easy or really goddamn stressful depending on the classes you get, so be careful when you have to choose your classes.

like seriously, math 2 aint like those advanced 8th grade math classes and english 1a may be really fucking stressful since it's not english 1, the basic freshman english.

so unless you’re ready to take that shit to the next level, dont make ur life hella stressful cus it's barely your first year in high school bro.

just saying from my own and my friends’ personal experience

also heads up physics deals with a shit ton of math so unless you love math or you prepared for all that math shit, take bio or sth else (im not even kidding man)

go to your school before the first day and try to find your classes (in order of your schedule) so you don’t have to look like a clutz stumbling into 129730217 different classrooms and be late

ok but even though its your first year, do all your fucking homework. it’ll give you all those fucking points and credits and your grade will fucking thank you for that.

lets be real; you dont always have to eat breakfast if you dont want to. i mean if you want to, go ahead, but if you dont want to (or you just cant eat it for some damn reason //coughme//), thats a-okay too.

JOIN SOME FUCKING CLUBS BRO. SOCIALIZE. MAKE SOME FRIENDS AND TALK TO PEOPLE IN YOUR CLASS. TRUST ME, IT’LL MAKE LIFE A LITTLE EASIER.

unless you uh dont want to then thATS FINE TOO

dont ditch or skip a class dude. just. dont.

BRING YOUR CHARGER AND A PORTABLE BATTERY THING IF YOU HAVE IT !!! SOME CLASSES WILL ALLOW YOU TO CHARGE YOUR PHONE AND YOUR PHONE WILL GODDAMN THANK YOU FOR THAT

no one really cares abt how you look tbh so dress however you want.

dont be that asshole/douchebag to your teachers, even if you secretly despise them.

upperclassmen are not scary at all like they may look intimidating to talk to but they end up being these really nice and friendly people. so dONT HESITATE TO SOCIALIZE WITH THEM. THEY CAN ALSO MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER TOO

lets be real #2; most people are not gonna get those godly 9 hours of beauty sleep, so if you’re those type of people, just attempt to sleep for like- 7 fucking hours or something.

get those goddamn sleep calculators if you have to bro

and dont try to be those morning ppl who wake up at 5 in the morning to ‘meditate’ or ‘journal’ or some shit if you arent a morning person. get those fucking sleep because ur gonna fucking need it.

FOR THOSE FEMALE FRESHMEN: BRING! YOUR! GOD! DAMN! NECESSITIES!! PADS, TAMPONS, AN EXTRA UNDERWEAR, JUST BRING IT

okay but heads up, theres gonna be a trend of freshmen being like ‘losers’ or something in the first week of school or in those (competitive) rallies so yeah uh dont punch them cus its just a tradition.

i mean then again you’re gonna be following the tradition too once you hit sophomore and etc. sooooooo

sometimes dont rely on teachers to teach you those goddamn materials and shit because uh their teaching might not help you at all*

*in other words: their teaching sucks and dont try to blame yourself for not being able to understand it.

unless you got those teachers that actually will try to help you get that goddamn good grade

OKAY IF YOU’RE GONNA EMAIL YOUR TEACHERS, THEN PLEASE DO IT WITH (ATTEMPTED) PROPER GRAMMAR ! USE GRAMMERLY IF YOU HAVE TO !! JUST DONT MAKE IT SOUND LIKE YOU’RE TEXTING THEM CUS THEY ARENT GONNA HELP YOUR ASS IF YOU DO.

sometimes, you just gotta participate in class for those points bro.

peer pressure’s gonna fucking suck but you just gotta know that you can say no.

aka; dont do those goddamn drugs, dont drink those fucking alcohols, and uh dont have sex if you are not ready. if you want to, just use some goddamn protection aight?

bitch bring some earphones and listen to those sweet sweet jams in class (if ur allowed to)

you’re gonna screw up or fail at some point but dont blame ur ass for that bro. just learn from it and move the fuck on.

lets be real #4; you dont have to be that motherfucking straight A student if you cant, aight? like A’s are cool and all but if it’s just too hard for you to get it, then just dont stress bro.

getting straight A’s can be really motherfucking stressful. its not a genetic shit type of thing.

lets be real #5; high school irl is not those high school movies or some shit. social ladders like popular kids or geeks or some shit kinda dont exist since everyone just stays in their circle and not give a shit about other people.

unless you give them a reason to give a shit about you, just stay with your circle bro or/and dont make their life hard ok

prepare your fucking ass for those finals cus they aint fucking easy peasy lemon squeezy. get those study guide shit done and study. do some fucking math problems, go on quizlet for those english vocabulary shit, just prepare your fucking ass before you walk into that goddamn classroom on finals day.

RELAX YOSELF IN THE WEEKENDS OR SOME SHIT. TREAT YOURSELF LIKE A FUCKING PRINCESS ONCE IN A WHILE.

TAKE THAT FUCKING BATH WITH SOME BUBBLES OR SHIT, COOK THAT GORDON RAMSEY MEAL FOR YOURSELF, BAKE SOME DAMN COOKIES, DESTRESS DUDE CUS YOU DESERVE IT

and lastly, RELAX AND HAVE SOME FUN! ITS YOUR FIRST YEAR BRUH SO JUST RELAX BEFORE YOU HIT THAT SOPHOMORE YEAR MAN. YOU DID IT! BE PROUD

#studyblr #masterpost #studyblr masterpost #tips #studyspo #studyblrmasterposts #freshman survival guide #this is so lame i tried #im sorry #dont trust me to do masterposts like these

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survivor-guyana · 6 years ago

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Episode 3 - "I am like... a very good person." - Nikias

I forgot what i said last but this tribe swap was very good for me. I kept two allies Mitchell and Sarah. But also Aidan and Dani were in my “best fucking people ever” alliance so thats good. We have a fav Jenna with us. I dont want to lose but if we do its gunna hopefully be her. Im sorry but u guys are up by 2. 👀 keeping eye out for Jones and Tim.

I was honestly sad about the swap because i liked my tribe so much. However, im excited to see how this all plays out. It seems like we got active fans on our tribe so hopefully group challenges will work well!

TRIBE SWAP HAPPENED FUCK originally I was gonna sue the hosts,,, ORIGINALLY I was gonna file a restraining order,,,,, but,,, the more I thought about it,, and the more I talked with everyone on my "new tribe",,, I'm feeling okay? which is SHOCKINg for my standards let me elaborate,, I put "new tribe" in quotes because is it REALLY a new tribe when 5 of the 6 people are from the same original tribe? The tribe consists of myself, Nick, Tim, TJ, JD, and Nikias. Which is GREAT for me for a whole list of reasons... I don't think we'll lose as much because we have comp threats like JD and Nick on our team. If we DO lose, we have an easy boot in Nikias. And if we lose AGAIN, I'm in a 3 person majority with Nick and Tim (and maybe even TJ too) .So no matter how this swap ends up, I don't think I'll be the first person booted if we go to a tribal council at any point. which is GREAT. Actual now that I think about it, if we never go to tribal, that would be even more incredible. Because I think I'm doing a decent job at pulling Nikias onto my side. I don't think he's a bad person, and if we do lose, it would absolutely SUCK because he's really cool/could be a good ally down the road. actually now that I think about it,, I've talked more with Nikias in one night than I've talked to JD in a week? is that saying a lot? I think so. I ACTUALLY MESSAGED JD TOO and she was like "can I get back to you later? I'm busy" WHICH IS FINE and it's a lot better than leaving me on read BUT LIKE,,,, okay Jan. If I WERE to hypothetically go to tribal,,, I'd much rather see JD go than Nikias, but I'm not sure if I can help that? It really depends on what everyone else wants to do, because I don't really wanna stray away from the majority of the group at the first tribal I go to yk? Like,,, everyone on the tribe knows she's good in challenges, and if we ever LOSE a challenge, why get rid of the person who's best at challenges? IDK. hopefully we don't go to tribal at all? and I don't have to worry about losing ANYONE? that'd be great, thanks! god why couldn't i have been switched onto a tribe with Jose, thinking about this would've been WAY easier.

So the swap: I feel really good about the swap bc 4/6 people in it are in an alliance. First of all, I want to win the challenge. Second, if we don’t win the challenge, I’ve wanted Mitchell out for a while now and I think Jenna will vote anyone to save her ass. I just hope the others stick to our alliance. It would be completely idiotic for them not to bc we have the numbers already, but who knows

SO THIS REWARD CHALLENGE IS scary,,,,,, not because I think I'm gonna lose or anything,, but it's because I think I have an actually decent score? Idk what Obey the Game standards are, but I got to level 108. which SUCKs if it actually is a good score, because I'm not too sure if I want to win this challenge. I feel like i'm in somewhat of a good position right now, and I don't need the idea of having an idol clue putting a target on my back. I have other people on my tribe (and on other tribes) that would share their clues with me,, I don't need people to know that I have one. hopefully that makes sense Best case scenario: Nick/Tim win - and they share it with me either way Maybe Okay Scenario?: TJ/Nikias/I win - not sure if either TJ or Nikias would share it with me, and I don't want to the target on my back. Worst Case Scenario: JD wins. She won't share it with me. And she probably wouldn't say anything if she won lol. so lets LOSE THIS THING, BABY, WOOHOO

Tribe swap... Tribe swap... Tribe swap... Tribe swap... I still don't know how I'm personally doing in this game. This tribe swap is either going to make me or break me. There are four people from the other tribe and literally the ONE person I didn't want on my new tribe from my old tribe.. is honestly the ONE person I got stuck with. Is this some sick joke? Am I being Punk'd? Is this some sort of karma for being a bad human being from time-to-time? It's always hard to figure out what exactly my game plan is going forward. I'm honestly terrified of having a bad score and being voted out because I'm a weak-link. It's so much harder when you lose and there's only 5 other fucking options. I guess as of right now I'm trying to focus on making some social bonds. Sammy gave me that super idol so hopefully there is something there... Alyssa is basically me if I was 21, American, and like super pretty. Chelsea has some potential and José is a stoner like me? So I can work with this.. I just need them to want to work with me....

FUCK THIS PARANOIA OKAY I gotta give myself a lil more respect I've been freaking out for like,,,, 7 years now about who my "number one" should be - whether that be Sammy, Tim, Alyssa Nick TJ etc etc etksjadslfk the only person that can be my number one is me I can't keep looking out for every single person in this game - sure, it's nice to have people looking out for me, and I can always reciprocate it. But my top priority will always be the betterment of my game. I can't devote so much trust to so many people. If I had to rank the people in trust that I've met thus far (from most trustworthy to least), it would be Sammy > Tim > Alyssa > Nick > TJ > Nikias > JD > Jenna > Chelsea > Jose. So yeah. This is Guacamole Jones' Decree of Solitude: I will resort to writing down all of my info (so I never forget) I will be honest with the people that are honest with me. But I will not share this information with anyone, but myself. If anyone wants to open up to me, I will consider sharing a piece of my info but never the whole truth, and never anything more. I will share what is best for me. So I may receive the hypothetical One Million Dollars (- tax) Signed, (with love) Jones.

So I feel pretty great about my new tribe. 5 original favorites and only 1 fan. Nik got 2 votes last Tribal and seems to be on the outs with his old tribe. Furthermore he seems like a good dude who if I can protect may give me his full loyalty going forward. I also was lucky to swap with both Tim and Jonesy. I also have a deal with JD and TJ. So if we have to go to Tribal I’m not sure who is best for me to vote. I’ll likely let the rest of the group decide and play along. I am trending towards a leadership role, which is good for building a resume to win but with 18 ppl left it’s kind of early to be looking that far ahead. As of now it’s better to just stay under the radar and not make any waves.

Well, this swap was interesting. I reconnected with a great friend in Nikias and think I have a solid ally there moving forward. I’m glad I get the chance to build my relationship with Jones and Tim more, and I’m excited to learn more form Nick and JD. Overall, I’m very curious how this is going to go!

So how do i feel about my tribe swap? well in one word pretty weird.. The thing is that i am in a situation 5-1 which is pretty scary and it will be almost imposible to find cracks but on the other side i really like some people on this tribe. I feel like if i can make connections and play the card that i was on the bottom on the other tribe and that i hated my tribe, that could make them feel more secure with me. Its like i am in a bad position but it's a new begining in this game but i will just try to put myself in the best position possible. I am gonna try to be as carefull as i can be with my words and be better socially and work with people that are working together. But what is the best thing and the worst thing at the same time is that these 5 are strong competitors and i am like... a very good person. They can help me stay safe by winning immunity, but there is no doupt in my mind that i am gonna drag them down in the challenges and that's a really good argument of getting rid of me apart from being the only fan there.

ok soooo I have been talking with a bunch of peeps and I am trying to get a solid group that I can rely on. I am super tight with Jones and TJ and I have talked a lot. Also I am trying to get close with Alyssa. Anyways, I think I have covered my ground with the active people. Jenna is on and off a lot so I am not sure how well I can depend on her in the future but ya never know. I feel bad for the fans tribe too tbh bc like they really flopping lmaoooo. I hope there is a swap soon so that I can meet new people but also switch the game up a bit. ILL TALK TO YALL LATER

So I go to bed early, cus I'm super tired from the competition (no I will not stop bragging about it lol) and when I work up, we won the challenge but i have like... 3 less people on my team. No need idea what happened. But I like it..oops to the person I'd just made an alliance with who is now on a tribe alone.... Was that one in the Alliance? I'm gonna have to check that lol the host are amazing, you've all been so go to me while I've been super busy, sorry of rigging me an idol, and trust me... I asked :( they are to good lol

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I am a little it annoyed with how this game is going for myself, I am not sure if I want to trust Nick as much as I did before, we will see I suppose. But something that struck me funny is that out of 6 of us on this tribe 5 went to search the Rainforest, and I was the only one that went to search the mountains. Now, the only thing I can think of is that the clue had something to do with Water, close to it or around it or, like 'hey, dont get wet'. BECAUSE GUESS WHO FOUND THE IDOL? The one that didn't go to the rainforest, the one that didn't know anything about the clue! But I found it over by the stream on the mountain sooooo that is what I assume the clue said. Anyway, I'm feeling really on the out's and right now I am only really liking talking to Jones, I know its not just about liking to talk to people but you gonna have something to talk about right? *sigh* anyway, sad JD here, sitting on the outside of her tribe, but still bringing home the challenge cus I was the only one that did the rap part in the Riff-Off. I wish I could say like, Canadian gotta rep that Drake, but I dont know much of his shit but I love that part of the riff-off (sunglasses) (((( https://dumielauxepices.net/sites/default/files/sunglasses-emoji-clipart-oversized-784794-395105.jpg ))))

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(half of this is yawning)

So this Immunity challenge my team didn't work together very well. We picked IMO a hard song to build a theme and story with. In addition I was a very weak teammate this round. I had a bunch going on and didn't record any video. I tried to give input in ways we could be creative... but all in all I was one of the weakest links to the losing team. For that I am a little nervous. However I think I am in a good spot with Tim and Jonesy. I have shared my idol clue with them and am working on building a trusting relationship to help me get to the end. IN addition I've been having good one on one talks with JD, TJ, and Nikias. I don't think my name is coming up from any front as a result of the work I'm doing sharing info with them all and making them feel apart of my gameplay. TBH I don't know who to vote. I like Nik alot and I believe him when he says he is on the outs with his old tribe and I think if I saved him he would be in my pocket for the rest of the game... but I also think voting out a favorite could make me a target in a new swap to a group of favorites that want revenge. So, really no reason to make waves. Prob going to have to vote Nikias because it makes the most strategic sense.

Well that was a rough first week, back to back to back losses and tribal councils. Thankfully I wasn't among the first two leaving the game, but before we could even reconnect after Bee's departure, we were thrown into a swap unprepared. Desperately wishing that my alliance had planned for a swap this early, but we were all thinking it wouldn't be for another tribal or two. My tribe broken and divided, I was lucky to land in a tribe with a majority of fans, while three of my tribe mates were thrown to the wolves in the other two tribes. Im worried that our success in the last immunity challenge, will be the death of Nikias, as he's the only fan in his tribe.

Shit I almost forgot to confess!! Im so glad that my tribe consists of mostly OG favorites and one fan! Im also HAPPY that I got to swap with Nick and Jones. At this point she's my number 1 ally. Together we searched the idol system but found NOTHING I'm- .

We swapped this week and have 5fans/1fave AND we aren’t going to tribal this week. Life is good

Omg we swapped and I’m on my same tribe basically. 5/6 of us were originally on arakaka. But we finally aren’t going to tribal so thank god!! Judges were harsh though because we tried pretty hard okkk. Anyway I love the tribe still.HAPPY??

I think getting the numbers at the tribe switch is a blessing and a curse. I'm glad I'm with most of my "alliance" from the first tribe and definitely glad that I'm with Dani but I think it's going to give me this facade that I'm Arakaka strong until the end and I'm not sure. Playing in this new ORG environment where I don't really know anyone makes me feel like playing with no regrets. I don't owe any of these people anything and I trust absolutely none of them at this point...... I'm warming up to Mitchell more and more but I'm not sure how he fits in with the others. I do think he'll be loyal but who knows. I don't want to fry his chickens up in a Popeyes three piece just yet. As for Jenna... she's funny but bland with me? Maybe I need to try more but I'm threatened by her social game. But apparently she got 20th last time? I don't know how to feel about her. I think somebody on the ther tribe mentioned knowing her or being threatened by her. Maybe her scores were good? I have no idea but eh. At this point I just want to find a core three to move forward with but most of these people suck and I don't know if there already is one.

So I've been with my new tribe for about 3 days now and I honestly still don't 100% know how I feel about this whole tribe swap ordeal. I PERSONALLY like the people on my new tribe better. My new tribe members are more personable (with the exception of José) and I don't feel like I'm wasting their time by talking to them like I had previously felt on my old tribe. As of right now I do feel a tad bit more comfortable with Devon. He gave me his idol clue but I'm not too sure if he's just really trying to make me fall for this or not? Maybe he has already found the idol? WHO KNOWS? Alyssa is super fucking cool. We don't really talk about the game as much so that kind of scares me BUT there hasn't been a lot of game to talk as of yet? SO maybe that will change going forward (I hope so). Alyssa is someone I can see myself working tbh. Alyssa and Sammy are definitely the two from the old Horososo Tribe who have reached out to me the most. They are the social King and Queen of this tribe. CONFIRMED. Knocking on wood here.. BUT if we ever go to Tribal MAYBE just MAYBE they'll not vote out José and not me? Praying to Gaga.

I won reward which was the idol clue. It doesnt really help me much but it does say there are other items as well in the game. And we won immunity whichbis great. Im so happy not having to go to tribal.

moooood ok i don’t mind the swap bc everything’s going ok and im still not pming people meidgjskdkf but the comp went rly good!!! we came in second but i found out there’s three tribes so it’s ok! judges think there was literally too many ads and it wasn’t the challenge but have u ever seen a full video without ads on youtube lmao

So my file corrupted on my original video for the challenge but I was able to submit something thanks to Jonesy. We lost anyways lmao and it looks like the vote tonight will be Nikias. Sorry pal but the numbers are just there.

I’m going on a date tonight so I’m case I don’t get to submit a video tonight, I just want to be VERY clear: I fucking LOVE Jess and would DIE for her. F2 homie vibes

So pretty much, I've been pretty much invisible the entire week, and it's been great. I'm letting my tribe drag me for now, and personally, i think with how things are going, we're going to continue to win challenges, and I don't have to worry until I reach another swap, which at that point, personally, I'm just going to go all in and people are going to be like... where did this bitch come from? LMAO

I couldn't be more happy to be on the strongest tribe! Sammy and Alyssa are quite close, but they are also tight with Chelsea. That leaves 2 options: 1. Get them to vote out Jose, based on inactive attitudes. He won't supply them with any use later down the road. 2. Get Jose to draw rocks with myself and Jess, leaving the odds in a 1/4 against me going in rocks. I'm torn on what the best strategy is, but for now, I need to establish the best personal connections possible and hope our tribe secures immunity all the way into the next swap/an eventual merge.

youtube

it's too late to come up with a jones pun, but,, JONES

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skiasurveys · 7 years ago

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Talk about...

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. - I cant remember that well since I was a little kid.. ( The lion king), um but I remember being so into it and I loved animals and it kind of started me wanting to draw. But i cant remember the first time i watched it.

2: Talk about your first kiss. We were really awkward, I liked him..but not enough, and so we went driving around, got starbucks, and then found this bench and we were talking/flirting, and then he just kissed me. But it was nasty asf, it was so gross. his spit was all over me, blehh. I hated it. I remember being like if this is kissing i do not want it. It wasnt tell i kissed another person that i was like Oh thats what its supposed to be like..

3: Talk about the person you've had the most intense romantic feelings for. He is my current boyfriend. We met on Okcupid in 2015 right after i had finished high school. It was like September. its funny because i wasnt rly serious on that site but then I started to talk to him and we hit it off really well.. we dated for a week then broke up LMAOOO. But then in April 2016 we started to talk again and in May we dated. so its been a year so far, and i am really in love with him. He and I click very well, he’s 7 years older than me. we play video games together but sometimes i watch him play by himself cus its fun that way too. He likes anime tho and i hate it lol. hes very funny and he can be super sweet and romantic and sometimes hes jusr a fkn nerd. idk what else to say before i start going on forever about it.

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far. Meeting the dude who assaulted me. we were just friends and i had a bad feeling about him but i shoved it off. and then he attacked and assaulted me. I wish i went with that gut feeling. Thank god hes gone.

5: Talk about the best birthday you've had. My best birthday was either my 18th or 19th. My 20th was boring. But my 18th I got a wii U and i got drunk too, and i had fun. but yeah, like idk the best prob was when i was a child and had lotsa friends and cake.

6: Talk about the worst birthday you've had. My 16th because my dad was dying.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity. My biggest insecurity is my body shape.weight. I just hate it because I feel fucking ugly and fat and I really am not, but idk i just want to be skinny and tiny.

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of. I am proud that i graduated and got my license, since I was struggling to graduate which was like 2 years ago but i was going through a lot.

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my eyes, and I do like that i have small hands and feet. ( its easy to find shoes). But I also like my legs and that I have a bigger butt.

10: Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had. theres been a few. But i think with my ex friend who just said she hated me and it was random asf, but she ghosted on me after and so it wasnt really a fight. another one i had was when i started to date my current BF and he wasnt being the best and I was like maybe i should drop him so i tried too and then we fought and then we actually were adults and explained the situation and we sorted it all out. since then we have been so good. like we know how eachother works. Lol fuck.

11: Talk about the best dream you've ever had. I cant think of one.

12: Talk about the worst dream you've ever had. i had a nightmare where this creepy ass creature was crawling up my walls and turned its head all around and had lifeless eyes and creepy sharp jagged teeth, and it was just terrifying. but then my mom killed it.. wtf

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The first time i had sex I was super nervous. ( It was with my current bf), and we tried and then i started to cry because I was nervous and also from my trauma, and then he was like okay thats fine. Then later that night he asked if we wanted to try again so I said sure. and so we started to make out and then before i knew it was actually inside me and I was like wtf that wasnt bad, and it felt really good. It wasnt overly romantic like they make in movies but it was super good and he was slow and good with me. ever since then i crave dick every minute LMAOOO.

14: Talk about a vacation. I went to disneyland with my mom the year i was graduating high school. It was so much fun, I felt so safe and happy . I cant really explain what i felt just felt like everything was gonna be OK and the rides were just so awesome and the food was great lol

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life. It was when I was starting to date Connor again and we were hanging out and I was like wow, my life is going perfect right now and I felt so happy.

16: Talk about the best party you've ever been to. I never go to parties but the one i went to was at my boyfriends friends house and I just started to drink rum n coke and it was really good and made lots of friends but there wasnt that many people there but i felt really happy.

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I cant think of anyone lol

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school. i got bullied alot for stupid shit.

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school. I was in foods class and I was with my friend Jenna, Brittney, Shae and Julia. There was orientation for the kids from elementary that night, and so we asked if we could stay extra and make the cookies and so we were allowed. Then Julia and Shae left to use the washroom. Jenna and I had finished up and were heading to our other class, and as we walked in there was a alarm for a lock down and we were like holy shit. There was somekid with a knife walking around. they calmed him down, but it was really creepy. But our friend brittney was by herself in the foods room and she was crying and i felt so bad omg rip brittney

20: Talk about something that happened in high school. I had math class one afternoon and the class before me apparently this girl had a seizure. But i didnt know, so when we walked in the classroom I was like wtf why are the desks all pushed around and so i thought they did some activity, but it turns out this girl had a seizure, and my friend told me about it and how it was super traumatizing our teacher even got bit. it was really weird..

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. He is my friend still but he really liked me and he asked me out and I had to tell him No and i said that i wasnt looking for a relationship but it was super awkward but hes cool.

22: Talk about your worst fear. choking.

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down. I really liked this one guy and we went on a first date and then he asked if i wanted to chill the next week and so i said sure. But then that day he had texted me and said he was busy and that i couldnt come over and so I was like Oh ok, cool. and then he told me to make sure i wasnt looking for anything serious, and then so i never saw him again after the first date. But he was really boring so thank god i didn’t. and its funny cus a few months after he had some gf and i think he is still with her cus i would see them at the mall all the time. but yeah im glad it didnt work out!

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. One night ( this is cheesy ) It was like 4 am and Connor was watching TV and I was scrolling through tumblr lookin at funny memes/posts and he just turned and looked at me and said “Jen, youre my best friend” and it just made my night. It was super sweet and i felt great.

25: Talk about an ex-best friend. ho ho ho okay, so we were friends since grade 9 summer/beg of grade 10. we were close asf, we liked the same shit, we thought the same. she was great. she was the first best friend i ever had rly. so a couple times through out our friendship she would kind of vanisha nd not talk but it was her depression and it was annoying asf. anyways.. after grade 12 grad (this is like oct 2015), i tried to message her but it wouldnt let me! so i soon realized she blocked me on everything. i texted her thanks for that and then feb 2016 we became friends again, then may 2016 she ghosted on me but she finally sent message saying how she hated me etc and really too this day it hurts but i still dont know what actually fucking happened.

26: Talk about things you do when you're sick. if im really sick i just sleep and watch youtube videos. or ill have a bath.

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body. i really love my boyfriends arms. theyre so big and strong. mmmm.

28: Talk about your fetishes. i dont rly have a fetish tbh.

29: Talk about what turns you on. i like when my bf dominates me, but not too hardcore. I like neck kissing, facial hair, deep voices, motivation. I like being tackled like play fighting and i like when he touches my thighs etc. mm

30: Talk about what turns you off. being an asshole, racist/sexiest, if youre super smelly. if youre really tall and skinny.

31: Talk about what you think death is like. i dont know. its probably weird asf.

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. i remember this place called Moonwalkers and it was this crazyass jungle gym we had and it was the best shit ever.

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad. i draw, listen to music, have a bath..etc

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured. getting hit by a car.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. i wish i would stop comparing myself to every fucking person i see.

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures. some anime.

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. i thought i loved wade, but i really was just liking the idea of someone. this was in high school. lol it was really weird and i didnt like it.

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. it depeds on the song and the person. pink floyd reminds me ofmy ex friend. Anime/kpop songs remind me of Kyra and super lovely songs and omam remind me of connor

39: Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier. not everyone you lose is a loss.

40: Talk about the end of something in your life. the end of high school and teenage years was really weird. i remember feeling so out of place and not sure what t do with myself.

#survey #personal #talk about

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survivormuxloe · 6 years ago

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Episode 15: “i didnt control this game 4 a goat to win” - Scott

So the reward challenge has been revealed. A little bit nervous tbh. However I do have a plan, I’d probably call Danielle. Because I feel she would have the best read on how the jury is feeling. She has sat there for the longest time. So her views are most likely the views of most people. So having her knowledge of the jury will be useful. First I have to win this challenge which I think I’m capable of winning, so fingers crossed I can win this.

THE CAT IS FINALLY OUT OF THE BAG HOLYYY LMAAAOOAO

i finally got to play it.. it didnt do anything. but. it secured me f4 just incase anything did happen!! LAMJFNFHBG. ugh. i love it tho... everyone takes me to the end i think which makes me lowkey queef LMAOAOAOOA :):)

hope yall r proud of meeeee :flushed:

I MADE FINAL 4. I’m so shocked and happy with myself. I broke my personal placement record and it’s so exciting. Unfortunately though I get to move past a milestone at the expense of losing a close ally. I got past eighth but Jones got eliminated. I get past my record but then Tobi gets idoled out. I’m so depressed but it just makes me want to win for them. I’m hearing that it’s a final 2 but it isn’t confirmed. So now I’m thinking who do I want to be sitting in a final 2 with. None of them honestly, they’ve all played great games. But I especially don’t want to sit next to Ryan. He’s done so well in this game and he made a succesful idol play. It would look like if a genius hacker were to sit next to an enthusiastic toddler.

It sucks cus nobody’s said anything since the vote and I really wanna talk to someone because bitch I’m in the top 4 let’s celebrate. I see Tobi online and its like fuCK I CANT CELEBRATE WITH HIM EITHER CUS HES GONE NOW.

its so hard telling eveeryone that im winning

we have a reward challenge on day 36 so i think that means we have a final 3 yayyyy whew. and the reward is the power call w one juror for 10 mins... which makes me kinda anxious ngl so i'm not even sure if i want to win this... but the challenge is Casanova and that is like one the flash games i'm really good at if i need to be so hmmm I'm wondering if i should beast it or not. i think winning it and having the courage to talk to one of them could be a big boost to my game so like... i'm thinking maybe i should just nut up and go for it hm

So I won reward fuck yeah.

This will give me the chance too see how the jury is thinking at the moment.

But with this immunity I am fuckin scared. Cards being stacked into tower formation. Honestly fuck that. I’ve been practicing and am getting there but I need to do this to make sure I have a chance of winning.

it feels so weird bc theres so little to say in confessionals now LOL!

uhm. just hopin for mo not to win ig. :)

So just had a call win Dani. Apparently I have close to 0% chance at winning. Which tbh I’m surprised about. Mo has the best chance? Idk like I want to believe her but it sounds fishy. I just need to feel out and go with Dani it trust my gut.

Rhys won his third immunity which is intimidating but then again he was only participating against me. Reminder I was trying to set up a card house with a tremor, due to my meds my hands shake. BUT I refused to give up and I’m still proud of myself because I know I did the best that I could.

I think this might be the round I’m eliminated. I hope not but apparently Rhys used his Jury call on Dani and Dani said he had the lowest chance of winning and I had the highest chance. Which first of all, REALLY???? ME???? Like thank you but, what? Second of all I need to play very passive right now in hopes that Rhys will stick with his original plan of voting Scott. Tomorrow it’s going to be me or Scott.

i feel bad for abstaining in the final 4 immunity but hnnng i really cant fux with these live challenges so rip. i feel like there's a good chance the jury looks down on my game bc this is like the 3rd challenge i've sat out of hnnng. but i'm glad Rhys won instead of Mo woo for that. it's seeming like it's gonna be a final 2 after all so womp. according to Mo, Rhys says he's voting for either him or Scott so ig I'm sitting in a good spot... although is it bad i was hoping to get another vote to rack up more than 11 overall? lol whatever so yay. i don't have high hopes of winning this game but regardless i'm happy i was able to survive all this time especially w my bae scott <3

Ok so I have a lot of hope right now. I’ll share the messages I sent Rhys because they’ll explain why I’m hopeful. “I just got some info This vote is either going to end in a fire making challenge between Scott and I or with me going home Cus Ryan just said him and Scott have had a tight Final 2 since the beginning so he can’t vote Scott (If you don’t believe me I’m sure he’ll tell you himself if you ask) So I respect your decision of voting for me if you do but I’d be insanely grateful if I was given the opportunity of a fire making challenge I see it like this. If I get to stay, then it’s us two vs Ryan or Scott because I think both Ryan and Scott have played insanely good games So we would have a higher chance of winning immunity But if it’s Scott, Ryan and you in the final three then it’s 1/3 odds. Where as if I stayed it would be 2/3 and if I somehow miraculously won individual immunity I’d take you to the end. It would be the smartest decision for me after hearing what Dani said But then if you win you can take Ryan with you to the end and I’ll end up 3rd Since Ryan and Scott have their final 2 thing” and Rhys agreed to it so tomorrow is going to be a firemaking challenge between me and Scott.

rhys is actually driving me fucking crazy lol... like. its right to vote me out yes. but his reasoning is so FUCKING DUMB. HE GENIUNELY HAS CONVINCED HIMSELF THAT THE JUROR HE CHOSE TO TALK TO LIED TO HIM. LIKE. RLY BITCH? im not getting 4th off of the back of ur fucking goaty ass losing to mo @ ftc ew lmao..

actually ya im not done like rhys is geniunely losing against anyone left for good reason hes been a goat this entire game and thats the entire fucking tea LAMJFBHFG.

i just dont want mo to win... imagine someone who voted wrong like 7/9 times in merge winning. fucking ew. if i leave ryan better win ftc bc hes the only good winner left if i leave like fr. i didnt control this game 4 a goat to win.. LAMNFNFG just ew ew ew ew ew ew..

im not going down tho america... ill pull every trick out of the bag if i have to. if i gotta lie to get a 2-1-1 vote i will. i aint bothered. id rather get 3rd knowing i was gunna win than fucking 4th. i aint knife!!

So like i Won immunity again which is insane. 3rd immunity.

I’ve been thinking about my call with Dani. I realised that if she telling the truth I have no chance. So might as well assume she is lying and have a chance. So I’m being optimistic.

So taking Scott out is my best choice right now. He may have bad jury management but he had played the best game. So I’m voting with Mo against Scott. Realistically Scott is probably going to win. But that gives me a possible vote on the jury.

I told scott that I’m Voting him as there isn’t any point in lying but he is working to stay. But like he needs to go. I can’t fuck up and have him win immunity. So yeah my game could be a shit show it could be nothing I don’t know. Wish me luck I guess.

I’m like legit so sad rn. I know I’ve had literally no chance at winning this game. So I’ve been optimistic trying to take the best road. Which in my mind is voting Scott out. I told him because he like legit my best friend I’ve made in this game and In a lot of games recently.

Now he hates me and has been really aggressive with trying to get me to stay. Like I’ve told him my reasoning and he just still thinks I’m being stupid. Like yeah I just hate this. Can’t wait for tribal for him to attack me more.

Rhys gettin a lil brave this round after being asleep the whole merge omg. Whatever he heard from Danielle has seriously gone to his head and he's now considering going to the end with Mo ???? i have to laugh... i dont think him tying the vote and making me or Scott firemake is a terrible idea at all, but honey pls dont make me have to vote Mo to win this game flkadsas. It will be such a travesty if Scott and I go out 4th and 3rd god i dont even wanna think about that

god I really didn't expect this jury reward thing to have an actual impact on things??? ugh lol. Rhys a mess PERIODTTTTTT

After a 2-2 vote resulting in a firemaking challenge, Mo loses and gets 4th place.

#royallyyours #episode

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xelere · 6 years ago

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tw long rant cus i need to breathe

wow the fight i had with dad that made me depressed af.... i had it now with my white brother and his wife and partly with my mom too

they talked abt having their kids kidnapped would be the worst and i jokingly said ”haha thats me” cus i need to deal with it

and my brother starts to lecture me and then just completely insensitive says ”but werent you abandoned on the streets i dont think china-” oh here we go again

my kind but weak mom goes; ”no actually a police station” as if that was any better??? she has NEVER stood up for me, no one has. maybe she wants to and agrees with me cus shes the smartast in our family but she never had the GUTS to and the same for my other brother they be agreeing or at least UNDERSTANDING and maybe RESPECT me a little but nor enough to ever have mt back those fkn pussies

then we start to fight and i start to cry again cus im so FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY of having a white family and i CANT EVER REST I CANT REST ANYWHERE WHERE IS MY FUCKING SAFE SPACE CAN I BREATHE

and then his wife goes ”but linn.... now im getting angry you cant just accuse him of being subtle racist!!” and shes always quiet an i always thought she was lile smarter than my stupid brother but obviously.... not

and i just give up.... im a fcking minority in my own family. not to get too personal but my little sister would never have the guts to do this cus shes afraid of conflicts. i ALWAYS have to shut the fuck up in family reuinions. and just because i came with trauma, i was an angry and anxious baby, always screaming and thanks to that being labelled as ”problematic and annoying and angry” by everyone who didnt know how to handle me - thanks to that people STILL think they have the right to silence me. im a grown ass woman, im fucking 19 years old and everyone in my family still rolls their eyes at me and goes ”but linn....”

im so fucking tired. im so fucking tired. and i say that. i tell them im tired and that this is why i want to die cus thats exactly why and my brother starts to laugh and like.... accuse me and shit for not ving grateful cus he wants ro defend mom or smth like.... excuse me youre her fucking biolocigal son you have your own fkn mother right here and everyone in this ugly country looks and thinks wxacrly like you

honestly im too tired to write all this shit down cus i could go on for ages in literalky gonna WRITE A FUCKING BIOGRAPHY ONE DAY IM JUST SO FRUSTRATED I GOT NO FUCKING WHERE TO VENT GOD I HATW MY FAMILY I GET IT HAVING AN ASIAN ANTIBLACK CLASSIST HOMOPHPBIC FAMILY WOULD BE BAD TOO BUT LIKE....... at least it would be my family at least they would look like me and not be racist against me?

and what makes me the most sad is that my adoptive family is still better than like 90% the only difference eis that most adoptees dont dare to ”come out” like this, criticizing their own adoption bc ffs we’re terrified of being abandoned. its just....... theyre so fucing dumb. they dont know shit about racism or adoption and like.... thats kinda essential. no one repsects me in this family except for my mom but shes a fucking coward, always in the middle. everyone else talks down on me and i didnt notice like YESTERDAY DURING MY LAST BREAKDOWN THAT WASNT ABT ADOPTION BUT WAS ABT MY EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE DAD AND HOW I REALIZED HE ALWAYS TREATED ME AND MY SISTER LILE SHIT AND BLAMES MY TRAUMA ON ME SO NOW MY WHOLE FAMILY TREATS MW LIKE A PROBLEMATIC WEIRD KID

i want to leave this family so sad but i dont have any friends cus im too mentally unstable to keep friends and i also have a little sister i need to protest but FOR FUCKSS SAKE TOURE RUCKING 15 AND YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT BISEXUAL IS like im so done with her too, ive proteced her so much, just because i WAS the angry problematic kid i ALWAYS took the fights for thet cus shes a scared rabbit but she never give me a thank you, never says she appreciates it, always throwing me under the bus when dad accuse us of something and i used to accept it cus i know she was too scared of him BUT AGTER ALL THIS TIME AFTER EVERYTHING IVE DONE FOR HER SHES FUCKING 15 SHE KNOWS I HAVE HER BACK IVE BEEN PRTOEVTING HER EVER SINCE THEIR DIVORCE WHEB OUR GROWN ASS ADULT 21+ BROTHERS LEFT US AND I WAS LIKE FUCKING 11 YEARS OLD I PROTECETED HER AND I NEVER GET ANYTHING AND IF I STOP TALKING TO HER SHE WONT EVWR TALK TO ME BECAUSE THATS HOW ALL MY RELATIONSHIPS WORK

i lost all respect for my brother. i knew he was a racist dumbass but like.... he really sig there and laugh and accuse me and guilt trips me when i tell him his dumb ignorant ass is the reason i want o die. this is why i wanna fake my suicide so i can revenge them but i also dont cus then i’d just give in and be one of all those adoptees who commoted suicide and whos gonna fight for them IF NOT ME CUS I ALWAYS DO FKN EVERYTHING. this is also why i low key think i got bpd or smth cus i always want to kill ppl like my family or myself or why not BOTH

cant wait for tomorrow where i have to face everyone and were gonna pretend like NOTHING happened. you know why i came here with my mom and visited??? BECAUSE I WANTED TO TAKE A PAUSE FROM MY DAD AFTER THE SIMILAR SUICIDE THREATENING PANOC ATTACK FIGHT I HAD LIKE YESTERDAY

i just gotta accept tjat my family is totally shit right? i just gotta live through it? this is why i never wanna have kids in sweden. like yeah i’ll probably still be in contact cus im only human, i love my parents and my family ofc.... but like........ I AM NOT TRUSTING THEM. MY REAL FAMILY IS HONESTLY OTHER WOC ONLINE AND OTHER TRANSRACIAL ADOPTEES (the smart oens not the whitewashed ones i try not to blame them but im really fkn tired lf having to protest them and clean up and defend them)

i remember when i was like this every single day....... i DONT WANT IT TO COME BACK IM SO TIRED HOW MANY TIMES WILL I HAVE TO THREATEN WITH SUICIDE AND SHIT FOR MY FAMILY TO LIEK..... TAKE ME SERIOSULY NO ONE EVER HELPS ME I EVEN GAVE UP ON MY PARENTS I WANTED THEM TO READ ON RACISM BUT THEY REFUSED AT ELAST MY DAD, SO I KNOW I ONLY GO WITH STOP TRIGGERING ME BUT LIEK...... IVE THOUGHT SO MICH FOR MY MOM TO BE QHERE SHW IS TODAY WHOCH IS LIKE THIS COWARD BUT AT LEAST SHE CLMFLRTS ME AFTERWARDS AND IM TOO TIRED TO HAVE TO CONVERT AND EDUCATED MY WHOLE FKN FAMILY WHEN THEY DONT DO SHIT TO LEARN FOR ME

i just gotta smile and wave and pretend to love my brother when he didnt do shit when they divorced, mom got ptsd and i went through AT LEAST A THIRD ABANDONMENT, and he doesnt do shit now all he thinks about is how i accuse him of being racist cus he doesnt understand systems and structures which i blamed it on but tbh he’s the famiöy’s racist he really is hems always been cus hes so fkn stupid he’s joked abt muslims and chinese and black ppl and everything im only pretending its the systematic so my mom doesnt get angry lmao but he.... IS..... not ONLY like all the other white people..... but he IS...... for real

and giys..... i left so much of my anger out in this post cus im too tired and mt phone is gonna die but that vreqkdown i had recently....... i wrote like 50+ posts and theyre SOOOOO LONG and also more wellwritten im just saying to give you a perspektivet of how ISOLATED AND DESPERATE I AM IM DESPERATE BITCHES I HINESTLY THINK IM GONNA DIE IF I KEEP STAYONG HERE I WANT TO ASIA I WANT TO SOMEWEHRE MULTICULTURAL I WANT FRIENDS I AM GOING TO DIE IM GOING TO DIE IM DYING IM DYING AND IF IM DYING IM GONNA BRING DOWN MY WHOLE FAMILY AND EVERY WHITE PERSON AND EVERY NON ADOPTEE WITH ME

#kms #kmf #= killing my family #pp

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i-aintlonely · 7 years ago

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i need to complain more

its under here dont read unless you are able to tolerate my stupid ass somehow

aight bitches im feeling worse lets get into my spiral of shame and discuss why i dont want to go to school tomorrow

so i have a crush

on a guy

no biggy right?

except

whenever im around him i kinda feel

like complete shit to put it simply

i feel like whnever im around him i cant do anything right

i look back at times when i didnt have a crush on him and cringe cus i acted like i was his best friend and didnt realize it

i cant be in the same room as him without hating myself so much i physically shudder at how cringy i acted back when i didnt like him like i do now

and the worst part is he has a girlfriend, and hes one of the few people i can kind of see myself dating.

that sucks

also, we had our preACTs today, he was in the same classroom as i was in, so that was a bunch of anxiety already on my plate, but then things just had to take a turn for the worse ig

my nose started bleeding

really bad

during the LAST TEST

luckily, he didnt say anything about it during the class we have together today, either he didnt know or he forgot, so thank god for that tbh.

anyway

on another, still depressing note

i hATE the way i sing

i used to be able to sing a whole song seriously but now i cant

i used to be confident, i could sing in front of people with a small percent of the anxiety i have now (comparatively)

but now everything is different and i think i know why

back in i think february, i auditioned for the advanced choir at my school. i was down with the cold, i hadnt gone to school in the past couple days cus i was sick. i thought i could make it through, the choir director (a skinny white man whos probably a 90 y/o pedophile based on his choices for the advanced choir) knew i was sick, everyone knew. i tried my best, did pretty good for a sick person who could barely go 3 seconds without coughing, didnt get in, auditioned AGAIN, got told i wasnt good enough by the choir director, and didnt get in again. my close friends in i were pissed (i still am). they kept telling me and the choir teacher that i was good enough to get in at the very least. after awhile, i started not to believe it. it really bummed me out, learning that after all the struggle i went through in the past to become even a little bit confident in my singing voice, that i was actually not nearly as okay as i thought i would. whenever i hear my own voice, i stop. i dont think i can do the final for the choir im in (theres 3 levels of choir at my school, im in the second, but its still like the bottom level choir.) because i just cant take myself seriously anymore, and i feel like im going to let down my partner in the project, whos also my one of my best and closest friends.

i just dont know whar to do. its also affected my confidence acting-wise, i used to be a theatre kid but now i think im going to switch to photography, which is easier, i dont have to talk to people unless we’re doing a review in class. but my mom doesnt want me to, she says itll just get harder and i wont be able to do it. she doesnt believe in me, she never has, she never will and i can tell just by the way she looks at me.

if anyone somehow made it through this, congrats for listening to me complain like a bratty child

0 notes

survivorathena-motunui · 7 years ago

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Ep. 4: Revenge Will Have to be Put on Hold ~ Kevin

Well RIP Ben, I was just getting to know him and he was totally nice AND liked musical theater, we were going to be great friends lol. Anyways there is going to be an announcement soon? I really hope it aint merge yet. But if so, I still have my alliance with JD, Drew and Alex. Hopefully when merge comes we stick together. And JD knows one or two people on the other side and I am sure the rest of us do too so maybe we can work some stuff out and be able to still stay strong. I also recently found out someone already has a rainbow idol. I finished all the stamps, but Amanda stated they seemed to be fresh outta rainbow idols. So thats scary. But maybe I can get one after one is played. Hopefully.

I hate fake merges you sick fucks

let the records show that i came up with the name Charlotte's Angels and I'll be perfectly satisfied if that's as big as my impact will get in this season ________________________________________________________________ Okay sooo I just woke up so now time for my thoughts on everything that happened Um well Drew and I have seemingly "reconciled" but like we do that every season. Now if we're gonna be real I'm not the snake in this relationship but HOPEFULLY third time can be the charm this time around (even though it's second chances but whatever). As for the other K tribe people (Kirihuti? Kiruhiti? I don't know)...they're nice? I have some of my Taveuni children Jack and Steven, Ashley's nice, I'm scared of Alex. It seems like for both tribes the lines are pretty foggy, since there was hardly any action premerge not much trust has been built. So the merge will be...fun. Anyways I'm now in two alliances. There's the alliance of me LA Keegan and Kai, and then there's the more iconic Charlotte's Angels alliance of Jay B JD LA and me, and I love this alliance to death. LA and I are in the middle of these two alliances and as far as I know none of them know. This does give us 6 on our side already, so hopefully by playing in the middle we can get the numbers on our side pretty quickly. Sooo I honestly have no thoughts or predictions on how the first merge vote will go because everything's still uncertain? Lmao as long as it's not me! ________________________________________________________________ I forgot my first impressions thing that I was gonna more in depth into sjdjfjsb Alex - I know him from Neverland...yikes... I'm still scared that he could've found something in the Reef. Unless AlxCrks is someone else entirely and if that's the case well fuck Ashley - she seems nice and I wouldn't mind working with her. Lawful Good JD - The Walmart version of LA. And by the transitive property, that makes JD the, like, dollar store version of Charlotte. Jack C - son!!!! i hope he's still naive as usual and hopefully we can buddy up Steven - another taveuni child!!!!! i don't really know what to expect from him but hopefully it's all good things??? Drew - hiss hiss motherfucker please don't kill me this time

Rankings of everyone in the merge bc my opinions are still relevant and important: LA Kai Jay B JD Keegan Sydney Drew Ashley Jack Steven Colin Alex Anyway that's all for now

So I didn't even get a chance to talk about Ben leaving us. We were all ready to vote for Jack but Ben's going on vacation so he's not going to be able to get online, we voted him out cus he wanted us too. Now there is like, 13 people and we're merged. I got home from work last night to earwigs crawling into my room through my window so I didn't even realize we merged for like a hour cus I was making my room safe to sleep in again. Literally, Welcome to survive, I had bugs and jay had this crazy lightning Strom. It was interesting. I'm worried about where my alliance is going to go from here. I wanna say that were going to work together but really, I don't know what everyone else bonds are like. I think Ashley is the one mostly to stick around so I'll talk to here about the alliance later. I'm hoping that, I always say that this is what I want my alliance to be but idk how it's going to go: Me, LA, Jay, Kevin, Ashley, Alex, Jack would be nice. I don't think I really care who the last person is, Lori said she likes Kai and him and Ashley bare talking some too so I think that's more likely. I also wanna say drew or Alex will be the first boots, because I see drew as a threat but it's hard to really say. Were out numbered right now and there's no chance of Lori voting with us yet because if we want to get info from both sides then we have to play both sides. But I'm not sure how long that's going to be able to last before some people was to target is for knowing each other. Gonna take a 'okay' from Trevor and just not really talk about her much anymore. And really, she'll get voted out before I will.. I think, cus people actually recognise her name and in the main series she was known to be good in challenge and I was just a wittle old goat Lol So I didn't tell Lori I had the idol ether, I don't know if I'm going to, I would much rather not tell anyone until I know I can use it for some good. I don't think I'll use it if someone from my tribe is going home, unless it's Ashley because she's the one I'd like to work with the most at this point, and what better way to show someone your loyal then use an idol on them haha. My reasoning for not telling anyone is that I dont want other people using it, when Ali told me he had the idol I was running different idea on how we could use it and really, I don't want anyone to use my idol but me so (greedy) but my idol, my plan :) ________________________________________________________________ Edit: Kai quit... Kai will not be in the alliance... Or any alliance lol but that means that we have the largest alliance so far. Me, Ashley, Alex and drew. If we stick together that is. And thank god there isnt a challenge tonight. I get the feeling some people won't be doing it or won't be putting as much time into it cus of the 4th of July kick.

I definitely dont remember what I said in my last confessional so this might just be a complete repeat SO we merged. Which is interesting and not entirely good or bad. Immediately after the merge Drew came to me and said he'd drop his entire game to work with me. That's a plus but I'm not 100% sure I believe him. I'd love to work with him and think it would be a good way to twist the season around. We'll see what happens with this first vote and that'll determine whether or not I can trust him. On the plus side, he just told me he is the one who found the rainbow idol. That's a definite plus. If I need too I can use that as leverage to blindside him. Also, Kai walked today. Which is pretty bad for my game because we had a day 1 pact to never vote each other out and to stick together. (maybe not day 1 but close enough). So I no longer have a solid #1. I'm trying to talk to Ashley and get her on my side/me on her side. She's expressed before she's wanted to work with me and hopefully I can use that. I just need to wiggle my way into whatever majority there is on this merge. As of right now, there's 6 original Taranaki and 6 original Kahitu. So if we stick with tribal lines it will be an interesting first tribal council. But honestly, I'm willing to flip. That's something I've never really done in a previous season and I'm ready to make the moves I need to get to the end and win. Last time, sticking with my OG alliance didn't get me there. Now's the time to try something new. I have to make the most of this second chance.

I'm making this while I'm on my way home. I'm debating whether I start right at 11 and go until probably noon or 1pm, since I woke up at 4pm, or risk waking up at some point in the afternoon and going until 11pm. I think I can start at 11 tonight and probably win. I have high hopes. I just really need to guarantee myself safety because I haven't talked to that many people, especially since the merge. Where, wish me luck.

I don't know if I made a confessional since the merge but we merged! I'm with JD and obviously we got together and shared some tea. She's in an alliance and I told her I was and we formed another with Kevin and Jay, which is something I've wanted from the start. Apparently someone has the rainbow idol so rip

WHEW this is late but I MADE MERGE!! maybe? everyone is speculating it might be a fake merge but................... i'm hopeful ok. Getting added to the merge tribe was intimidating tbh. But also really exciting ofc. Everyone seems nice, but I also need to step my social game up a LOT. It's merge and I still haven't been in a single alliance whew. rip me. I've only had to go to tribal once so far so maybe now is where the game gets interesting? Idk, I'm gonna try hard for that immunity. The only people I've really talked to since the merge has been Ashley and Drew, and they both seem really influential tbh so hopefully that can help me out, but I don't trust my position in this game right now. This game has been going really quickly and I'm feelin' highkey overwhelmed but I'm here to WIN hehe

oh, also, forgot to mention, Kai quit rip. Hope he's alright.

iuehirgbrfjkdbjkangrngaioh I fucked up, I should have flopped at like... 7 hours but I just couldn't stop. I had to keep going until I couldn't. Anyway so alliances, me and LA are ovbs working together (for now, I wanna beat her after all) I don't know how to do this... School yard pick if I end up actually winning and mt alliance thing that its a school yard pick after this two cus its two winners. I don't know who to pick because I just... hate school yard picks. I'd much rather be the last one picked them that. I'm hoping that Amanda is going to split us up on her own and then the two that win are gonna be safe. On another note, were going to be submitting our season tonight, lori has done most of the work as of now too actually lol Another side note is that the Limitless tv show is really good.

So...just realized that Ashley is Ashley from Myanmar and now I really gotta keep my guard up because I was against BOTH Keegan and Ashley in that hell season! Thanks Amanda! ________________________________________________________________ Well I've never been swapfucked before so that's fun and new. We'll see if I can develop a semblance of a social game to live until merge, but I'm also GOING AWAY THIS WEEKEND so the odds aren't great. Catch me going pre-merge for the first time!

Well this is fucking terrifying. Like you are separating me from JD?!?! I am so sad omg. Okay but like I am a little sketched by why Jay picked Drew and JD picked Jay. Like obviously there is stuff happening that I dont know about but the trio is like hella scary. But I have Alex and Keegan! So hopefully I dont die. Pray for ya girl, I am going in. They dont call me the social queen for nothing.

Hello I hate my new tribe. I'm last og Taranaki chosen and I have like 0 good social relation with anyone on my tribe. I'm worried about this next tribal whew.

Well, I'm happy to be safe for a round but I'm not overly happy about being a captain (but yay for being a captain twice now) just because Jess is one too and I wanted to stay on a tribe with her, and Kevin and Jay but bitch stole both of them. I have Keegan again, which is good we were working together and I've been talking to Ashley lately so that's good. Hopefully we end up being a strong group.

Y'all not only separated my main alliance, aka the most iconic alliance that's touched the Athena series, but you put me on a tribe with Drew? If we're gonna continue the theme of Walmart insults, Drew's the Walmart Russell Hantz, though possibly more troll-like. But I guess things are set up well. We only lost LA, so we have a 3 person alliance on a 6 person tribe. There's Sydney, who I think will stay loyal to the...Teriyaki tribe, whatever it was. There's Drew who...yeah. There's Jack who unless Jordan cursed the boy shouldn't be worrisome. So we can probably flip anyone over. I haven't talked to anyone about tribal buttt maybe the best choice for me isn't Drew. Like I know he picked me and we're buddies and if we had stayed at merge I wouldn't have considered taking him out at all. But first of all, he's a threat especially when his competition is Sydney and Jack. And second...this might be the best opportunity I'll have to take him out. Like why let the opportunity fall out of my hands yknow. And plus like, revenge is cute especially when I take it out on someone who's like quadruple my age, y'know? ALSO the tribal we're doing is for 11th place and I absolutely refuse to get the same placement as last time so jot that down

OKAY SO WE DIDNT MERGE. I think everyone called it. the last immunity challenge had two winners, and the winners not only won immunity but got to start a schoolyard pick for new tribes. JD and LA won immunity. So my new tribe is now LA, Alex (who picked me in the schoolyard pick), Ashley (who I picked), Colin and Steven. LA I was in an alliance with at the start of the game, so maybe I can use that. Alex and I played together in Sentinel Islands, I might be able to use that, plus we had some nice conversation during the fake merge. Ashley and I are on good terms. I don't have a whole lot of interaction with Colin or Steven. ALSO SO, immediately, Alex came to me and said that Drew suggested a Sentinel Islands alliance. I'm not sure I believe Alex but Drew did mention wanting to work with both of us. Alex also suggested voting for Colin. This would avoid rocks which I definitely don't want. And now Ashley is getting my opinion on the vote. Hopefully I'm in a good position and I can stay in the game until at least the real merge. Which I'm guessing will be at 9 people with a 2 person FTC. Or maybe we'll merge at 10 with a F3. Who knows anymore. I just need to make sure I'm safe. I don't care who is voted out, as long as it aint me /sandra.gif

I didn't get swapfucked I'm sorry

See we're making a group confessional (Steven/Ashley/I) and they're talking about targeting Drew. And how they don't know if Drew has anything. I know that Drew has the Rainbow Idol so go me playing both sides this is fun.

Group Confessional - Alex, Ashley, and Steven

youtube

JD is so profoundly cracked that I don't even need to pretend to be less cracked than I am. She's doing all the 'biggest threat' work for me. Basically what I'm saying is that JD is my meat shield for now. She'll have to be voted out eventually because she and LA are a duo and I'm not going to be #3 to a duo, but for now she's a great meat shield. Glad I brought her into the community.

Okay I'm a little late on the new tribes confession and I need to do one to explain thing but Cghskqkdudgdkdkgjkdkg I DID NOT COME HERE TO MAKE LIKE EASY I WANNA MAKE IT FUN and a little stressful is good to ;)

Unfortunately revenge will have to be put on hold. I kinda just realized this is my first real tribal council and I think it's a bad idea to go too crazy for my first time. I just...hope I don't regret this lmao

Okay so I'm proud of myself. i'm actually talking to everyone and I kinda know what to expect for the vote! this has never happened in Athena for me! i'm GROWING as a player! i'm shooketh. anyway. the vote. I feel like it very well may be between me and Steven due to original tribe loyalties. Everyone I've talked to has mentioned the strong possibility of a 3-3 split. IF it does split I would actually prefer if they put votes on me instead of Keegan, just so I don't have to draw a rock. Right now it seems like Ashley or Alex is our only hope of swapping to our side. Except Ashley ghosted the moment I asked her about her thoughts on the vote so that's worrying. Alex, however, I am WORKING my social game with him. I just found out that he's really really interesting and I can actually have a conversation with him? like I went to talk to him about the vote and now we're just talking. He's actually iconic I'm glad I met him. WHEW but I gotta stop with the mushy stuff. I gotta make sure I stay. Wish me luck yall! _______________________________________________________________ I am hella playing the victim right now. I want Ashley and Alex to feel sorry for me and keep me. I love Steven but the guy gotta go. I hope it goes to rocks and I'm immune.

Well, I might be sealing my own fate with this vote tonight. Unless something goes down at tribal, I'll be voting for Colin. Hopefully with Alex, Ashley and Steven. LA and Colin believe I'm voting with them to vote out Steven. But 1: I don't want to go to rocks. I'd rather be blindsided and voted out than rocked out 2: I've played two games now where I didn't flip and it could have cost me the game. I think it's time to try flipping. 3: I've gotta start making moves if I want to win. I can't get the FTC votes if all I did was play it safe and make the easy votes. So hopefully Alex, Ashley and Steven aren't lying and voting me tonight. They told Colin to his face it was either him or Steven. That's a little suspicious to me. Maybe my best course of action is to force a tie and then on the revote, switch and vote out Colin. In that case, if the vote is for me, I'll be safe at rocks provided no one flips. If it's not for me, I can flip and tell Alex et al that I was just playing along with LA. Who knows. This is a tough vote

#boardmyboat #confessionals

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candyredterezii · 8 years ago

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I sometimes.

Worry.

Bout ? myself.

I guess

Idunno

just.

lately i realized.

how?? .. idk how to explain it

but

excited?? i get. with abuse.

in fiction -- in. real life? i dunno

Like..

Sometimees think bout.

Dont. laugh or think im weird i guess? for thinkin bout jotaro and I

i make this clear a lot but idk i feel people will. judge me

anyway-

i think bout us and im like

what if he hit me.. omg.. (drools) and like a milisecond im like

WHAO. WHOA. NO?? NO?????!!?!?!?!

NO!!

I dont. want that.

but my mind automatically goes to !! hey it would be so nice to get beaten the fuckUP

like..

I get so! entranced. seeing art of abuse on my side blog

seeing someone be abused and bruised and im jjust

silent but internally deep in my core im like.

drools.. (god i wish that was me-- wht-- no i dont. what the fuck.)

like..

the other day i was reading fanfic and there was a warning for sexual assault and abuse.

and part of me got? excited until immediately i was like.. NO!!

none of that. dont do this..

i dont think i used to be like this until.. maybe a few years back it began to brew.. maybe

idk... i just.

i worry.

cus with that mentality? what if i do end up getting abused.

I mean im already so fucking dense and naive and dont and never realized i was abused until YEARS LATER.

Like. Lmao.

God I remember? It wasnt until like. sophmore year i realized.

oh my god. i was?? sexually manipulated into doing. terrible things.

I was sexually assaulted a handful of times in.. like.. 5th to 7th grade?? ish

around there

and i remember who did it and i had to see him in High School CONSTANTLY in the halls (thank god i never had any classes with him.)

and it wasnt out of ‘lust’ or anything like.

i remember it was based on tormenting me. just that

I remember them groping whatever chest bulge i had and grabbing my ass and telling me

what are you gonna do bout it? huh? i just groped your tit. what are you onna do?

and i never! did anything.

I talk bout my regular physical abuse a lot cus it just. plagues me.

cus i never realized how? bad it was or that it wasnt. normal or okay to have be done to me and how it rlly fucked with my mentality now in later years.

I thought it was just regular teasing but??

Talking bout it to my old best friend she was. horrorified and was like. thats not normal.

an all my other friends had p? normal childhoods and nothing w constant torment and abuse like i had iirc.

And. No one really. stood up for me. Except my old best friend brooke.. she was the only one who ever stuck up for me. and that was all during grades 2nd - 4th

and it wasnt at school, tho, just back at were we lived.

No one really. noticed.

I would come home w cuts and bruises and my parents either never noticed or jut assumed oh its kids play.

One time i was getting repeatedly pushed into the now surrounded by a bunch of boys laughing at me everytime i got up and pushed me right back down until i was sobbing and finally a teacher broke it up and I GOT IN TROUBLE FOR IT. “I saw you push one of the boys earlier.”

That and only one other time a teacher actually interfered.

I remember this boy, Ethan, pushed me onto the blacktop and i scraped my knees BAD. So I walked to a bench and cried to myself, blood draining onto my socks and a teacher, who was my neighbor, saw and asked what happened who did it and when she asked Ethan wtf why

he just shrugged and said. “She annoyed me.”

and i wasnt even doing anything besides trying to get him to play with me.

And he wouldnt apologize.

I take thhat back -- one time my parents actually did something about the bullying.

And that was when i came home SOBBING after having a huge chunk of ice dropped on my lower back -- honestly i think it couldve fucking BROKE -- gods miracle it didnt. and my mom stormed to the house of the kids parents.

And god thats not even getting me started durin 5th - 7th grade.

Knives threatened on me, whole bags of garbage and broken glass dumped on me. Mud and sticks thrown at me. Getting slammed into metal bars and slides. -- not even started on the HUGE verbal abuse even.

And my best friend at the time never even stood up for me really.

..Anyway

sorry i rambled again i just.

.. DEEP SIGH.

TBH?? I dont even know

If all this and the shit ive been dealt with can be considered?? abuse

or trauma

idk if im ust. being over reactive and its all just

really nbd and im over reacting!! thats classic dani -- always being over dramatic get the fuck over it bitch!! lmao.

idk.

i honeestly11 duno

i feel im just being whiney and ‘boo hoo woe is me.’

i honestly dont know,,

but what i do know is

honestly all of it?? really.. fucked with me and still continues to leave scars on me today.

#personal #feel free to ignore #honestly #better if u do lmaoo m just ramblin and being. whiney i guess??#idk.. whatever #delete later #long post -#i got sidetracked easily oops oh well who tf cares.

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skiasurveys · 8 years ago

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tell me about your crush!!!!!!! - Hes my boyfriend. I love him a lot, he’s funny, he loves gaming. He likes anime ( lmaooo), he is white but hes part turkish and german. but born in canada haha. He’s 7 years older than me (or 6.5) , we went to the same high school except he graduated WAYYYY BEFORE ME. He knows a lot of weird stuff. He loves MMOs and is on the leader boards for ESO which i find hilarious. We met on OKcupid which is a dating app. He says hes serious about me lol.

tell me about your ex- well my most recent ex, i dated for only 3 months. we dated from Nov 2015- feb 2016. He broke up with me on Valentines day last year, which is funny tbh because he spent lots of money on me and then broke up wtih me. apparently i was too invested which makes no sense. I didn’t really connect well with him. we were more like close friends than boyfriend/girlfriend. He was slightly autisic or whatever so he didn’t really understand sarcasm sometimes which was really fucking annoying. I would make jokes and he took them way too serious or hard and would get mad at me -.-. He wasnt a bad boyfriend but he was just not my type. I said i loved him even though i didn’t. i was in love with the idea. I knew i didn’t want to spend my life with him. we never connected super great either, like we had nothing in common except the fact that we liked video games but he played shit games like (League of Legends). After we broke up, we met a week later to clear shit up i guess and it was super awkward and i was acually over him within a day so i was like this sucks and is weird. Then a month after we broke up he wanted to hang out but then he stated he wanted to have a hook up.. we never had sex when we dated either so that was weird -.- Then he started dating other people and if i messaged him asking how he was, he would get all pissed off and said we couldnt talk any ore and i was like whatevr thats fine but then his relationships never worked out and he would break up within a week LOL and then tried to date me again. THEN when I started dating Connor ( my current bf) he got really jealous and mad, and tried to tell me to get out. Then later in my relationship like 6 months he asked if we could fuck (three some) and i was like i rather kill myself, then he would randomly text me asking if connor and i broke up, and then would claim he missed me but all he wanted was a booty call. He got super mad when he found out i fucked connor lol. anyways, i told him to fuck off and respect me and connor and he finally stopped being weird. But i recently deleted him off Facebook because I was so tired of seeing him on fb, so yeah. we dont really talk anymore. thank god.

tell me about your day It was okay. I slept til 2 Pm ( yikes..) and picked up Pills and played video games. nothing to do.

tell me about your dreams I cant remember my dreams actually.

tell me about your drama I have really no drama in my life.

tell me about yourself :-) I am 20 years old, I like cats, mcdonalds fries. I am a art student in college. I am dating someone, its our one year today. I live in Canada..i like taking surveys too much

tell me about something awkward/embarrassing I once had sex and then got my period during it and that was super awkward and embarrassing, and i was so embarrassing that i hid in the bathroom for 20 minutes and he was like “yo its okay jen” and its still awkward when i think about it.

tell me about a funny story or something Lol, okay. this story is like 4 years old but whatever. so i was in grade 10 at the time and I went to this Youth Conference with my youth group from church. So my best friend was with me and we were at the concerts and stuff, and she had to use the washroom but she didn’t want to go alone so i went with her. So I use the stall next to hers but I come out way before she does. I am washing my hands and she comes up to me and washes her hands super quick turns to me and says we need to get the hell out of here, and before we run out this girl comes out of the stall that i was in and my friend turns to her and says “ Im so sorry i thought you were my friend” and im like what....so we leave quickly and she tells me. so basically This girl was wearing the same shoes as me and same colour pants as me, and my friend thought it was me so she grabbed the girls leg from under the stall and the girl was like “wtf???!” and so she thought that girl was me, and i honestly can’t stop laughing whenever i think of this because its just something that she would do. I never let her forget.

tell me your favourite band/artist/album/song My fav band is Of Monsters and Men. They are from Iceland, and they sing different songs. They have a unique sound too. I love every song they produce.

tell me about your favourite meme I can’t just pick one..

tell me about your favourite fic I dont read fanfiction really.

tell me a secret ;) um. when i was 18 i almost banged some 34 year old because I was stupid and actually thought he liked me LOL. Thank god i got rid of him. LOL i still laugh at my stupidity

tell me a lame joke/bad pick-up line are you a astronaut cus your ass is out of this world.

tell me about your favourite tumblr user(s) I don’t really have a FAV..i love all my mutuals..

tell me about your least favourite tumblr user(s) I only dislike people who are super self righteous..who think they are always right.. who give out false info..especially people who use their followers for money..etc

tell me what you’re thinking about just life.

confess your sins I sometimes lie a lot but thats usually just to get out of shit LOL rant about stuff!!! Not really a rant. But i super duper hate it when people leave you on “read” idk its super annoying. Like if you cant talk just say youll talk to me when youre off work/etc but i hate it when they have no excuse. Im fine if its a few minutes or whatever but when they just dont reply especially if im asking a question it just gets so fucking annoying. If i know youre busy its differen’t. But idk i just wish people would just tell me they wouldnt be texting that much a certain day or at leas jjust reply something quick. it takes 2 seconds..

let’s talk about the sex because sex ed isn’t talked about enough dont have sex until you know you could handle a child.

talk to me about astrology stuff!!! I dont know anything about that stuff. talk to me about aliens!!! why havent the aliens taken me..yet..

#survey #meh

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skiasurveys · 5 years ago

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407.

What’s your current boy situation? Taken and engaged.

When’s the last time you did something you knew was wrong? Im not sure lol

Do you hate the last guy/girl you had a thing with?Yes.

Have you ever been out past curfew?

Not rly, I never had a true curfew cus I never rly went out hahahah unless i stayed at a friends house

Who was the last person you cried in front of? Maybe Connor.

What’s your relationship with the person you last texted?

shes my friend

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? No.

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize? Nope.

Latest you stayed up in the past week? And why? it was like 4 am? which is rare cus lately i go to bed at 8 PM LOL

Do you cry a lot? Have you recently? Yes i cry way too much tbh

Do you think that you’re a good person? I think i am

What was on your mind most today? honestly, thinking of ending a friendship.

Have you held hands with anyone today? Nope

Last thing you and your ex boyfriend/girlfriend talked about? fuck idk, I think I saw his mom and told him that lmao. that was a long time ago though, like 4 years.

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced? Nope.

INTERESTED in anyone at the moment? i am i guess? were together.

Have a best friend? I think so.

Have you had more than 3 boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time? no.

Is a best friend/boyfriend/girlfriend or ex pissing you off at the moment? nope.

Do you have any plans for the weekend? I just have a family dinner i am doing.

For the rest of the week? working.

Are you in a good mood right now? I guess so. I am bored

What’s bothering you right now? I am itchy haha

Are you on medication for anything? Birth control and anti depressants

Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone for over an hour? i dont rly talk to anyone for over an hour lol

If you were upset, who’s the first girl you would go to? it depends on what

Do you need to say anything to someone? yes.

What was the worst mistake of your life? quitting my one job

When was the last time someone yelled at you? idk lol

How many kids do you want to have? None but if i were to i would have 2

Have you kissed someone in the past month? yes

What made you sad today? nothing

When was the last time you were disappointed? every day of my life hahah

Is the last person you kissed also the next person you’ll kiss? yes.

Have you ever liked someone older than you? my bf is 6.5 years older

Do you have a good relationship with your parents? i do.

Do you believe exes can be friends? depends. I think you can but sometimes feelings are too strong.

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? yes even if they dont work out, you learn from them.

Have you ever been a gymnast or a cheerleader? hahah no

Will you talk to the person you like/love on the phone tonight? I just did. But we live together so

What woke you up this morning? just natural

Did your last kiss mean anything? yes

What are you looking forward to in the next three months? Money

Has anyone ever told you they want to spend the rest of their life with you? yes :)

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months? i have. its been almost 4 years..

If you were pregnant, would your parents make you keep the baby? im 23 so..

Would you like to fall in love in the next few months? i already am

Have you ever eaten raw pumpkin? nope!

Do you have a favorite Leonardo DiCaprio movie? idk tbh i like all his films

What was the reason you last received flowers? valentines day i think

Have you ever donated blood? no but i want to

What did you do for Valentine’s day? we didnt do anything because we dont celerbate valentines day just cus its so expensive and i dont like the idea of forcing each other for a capitalist society...we do stuff around the date like get thai food and watch a movie lol

Have you ever joined a gym? yes lol I need to be more active at it.

Do you eat breakfast daily? no like maybe once n a while but i just get sick from eating too early. maybe ill have toast

Are you Irish? nope.

List the people that live in your home from tallest to shortest? me.

Who was the last person to cook dinner? meeee

Is having sex on your mind? yes lol

What color is your bra? burgundy

Do you answer the phones at your job? no thank god.

How many times have you actually been in love? once (this time)

Other than an ashtray, what else have you used? huh

What was the last type of vodka you consumed? i had blueberry vodka. Its actually super good with pepsi!

What movie do you really want to see? none atm maybe frozen 2

What time will you be getting up this morning? Tomorrow at like 5:30 AM

How are you feeling at this exact moment in time? okay.

Forget having a drunken night in Mexico-have you ever actually been there? no.

Did 11:11 already pass? yup

Does your car have a name? no i never rly got into that

What’s on your agenda for tomorrow? just work then dinner with a friend.

Will you be in bed within twenty minutes? no. Maybe next 3 hours

Who is your best friend? Sasha

Who was your last crush? my bf now?

Can you sing at the top of your lungs right now, and not get in trouble? i could but that would annoy my neighbours hahaha

When was the last time you saw your butt? today

When was the last time you went to the zoo? a few years ago

Can you kill someone if you had to? i dont think so. unless it was like defense

Have you ever sworn in front of your parents? by accident

Have you ever smacked a best friend across the face? no

What sport did you last play? idk hahahaha

Have you ever seen a guy take a survey? no

Do you know any fake, annoying girls? yes

Last thing that really hurt you? my nerve damage neck haha

Are you ever afraid to be yourself? depends

Did you kiss or hug anyone today? not yet

Does your heart ever ache for anyone? yes

What makes you happiest right now? Just money hahahaha

How many people have told you they were in love with you? Maybe 2 people.

Is any part of you sad at all? yes.

Would you kiss anyone you have texts from in your phone? just my bf lol

Honestly, if you could go back one month and change something would you? theres nothing to change

Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of 2008? fuuuck no!

Has anyone told you they missed you lately? - Nope.

Are there certain things that can’t be joked about with you? yeah like rape, cancer jokes, etc

Do you still talk to the last person you kissed? yes

Is love really worth fighting for? I guess so? but sometimes you just cant fight for them.

Your phone is ringing. It’s your ex. What do you say? i wouldnt answer. I would maybe text and be like tf

Do you think the last person you kissed cares for you? Yes

Do you have a bad temper? i dont think so.

Do you believe that there’s good in everybody? not everyone..

What are you drinking right now? - Pepsi. <-- same lol

Are you the funniest of all your friends? hahahaha maybe.

Have you ever gone to work with a hangover? no

What pisses you off the most? being rude tbh

What is your favourite trait about yourself? I am empathetic

Who was the last friend to walk out of your life? daniel, will and cora.

Are you emotional? yes.

How do you get when you’re really mad? I get peeved. i need to be alone.

What’s something you wish you could go shopping for right now?

myself LOL i need stuff for my apartment tbh.

Something you want right now? nothing

When you’re upset, who do you turn to? Depends. Connor or my friends.

Have you done anything illegal in the last three days? no

Do you ever get shy around the boy/girl you like? i used to when i was younger

#survey #dec 17

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