#tbh in spite of the TES stuff still there

[sasquach-scratches]

Remembered the "modern" AU I did like one thing for then never thought about and this image of Alois in the AU would NOT leave my mind so I had to scribble it out real quick

I kinda wanted to play up the loser angle he has in Skyrim (which is moot in a land that thinks vagabond dudes that go around killing things are the coolest thing ever) so AU Alois lives in a trailer in the woods, usually unemployed but when the cost of living shows up he'll take some temp jobs or do some foraging out in the wilderness (which is still pretty dangerous in spite of urbanization pushing out monsters not integrated into greater society)

Like in Skyrim, he's actually pretty good at magic and could have gone to med school if he applied himself but dropped out of college because he hated the environment. What magic he does know is mostly practical stuff that can be done with technology here

He is currently dating a handsome laborer that may or may not push him to be more responsible.

[denniezemclyon]

My roaring voice

16.07.2020

I have been putting it off for quite a couple days now. I am having anxiety and have suffered from headaches for days and nights bcos of our current situation where my family's visa has alrdy expired and we are in deep shit debt, struggling financially. Dennis (my father) kept on bugging us to talk, he's come and gone here in our home since last month a couple times which is more than compared to the past couple of years since he's left us. He's messing up mom and our minds.

As much as I don't wanna admit it, it's makin me long to spend more time with him as we grew up deprived of a father but it hurts my pride, my whole being to know tht I still have those thoughts and feelings of missing him. Cos evn tho I'm angry, disgusted, cautious and lost my respect and def trust for him, there's still love. And I hate it so much that it's the truth.

Last time he went here, we discussed abt our current impasse. They argued as usual and kept on fighting with their tonation and their spiteful words, both him and my mom. But I've had it and just told them off, I tried my fuckn best not to swear and not to completely raise my voice and avoided walkn out (which I always do before cos I don't like confrontation). Then I had ths discussion with my mom.

I don't know whether to call it "coming out" cos I never rly hid it tht well but yeah.. We had exchanges of hurtful words. She got grossed out tht I was a "tomboy" which is hurtful cos she kept on saying she loved her queer friends and I find it very hypocritic of her tht she's supportive, understanding and consoling to them but whn presented the fact tht I am one she couldn't accept it. I told her tht.

To be fair, she always expresed her fears of having her children becoming queer or homosexual cos she saw how her friends were. The maltreatment, discrimination, shame and other stuff tht she didn't want us to go through. Which is her right as a parent. And within our current situation maybe she blew up tht's why she lashed out. And ultimately, she got hurt cos I didn't come to her. And I knew tht. Maybe I was deliberately hiding my thing for this girl, for wht 7-9 months? And my mom just found out now. Also, she might've reacted tht way cos I was tensed with her, distant, cold and nasty ass rude to her. I'm not justifying her behaviour cos godknows I'm fed up butyeah.. I know.

She said she wasn't sorry with her statements and conclusions but said tht maybe one day she might accept me for me. It doesn't matter tho cos I too am not gon be sorry for who I am. But I understood and didn't evn dare to argue with it. I am hurt, deeply, tbh but I can't force someone to accept me. Not evn my mom. I don't need tht. And believe me, I am not speaking out of anger or sarcasm. I'm just tired of having to feel tht I am hiding evn whn I'm not. So to put it simply, fuck it and fuckyeah.

Then Dennis and I were talkn over te phone, I let her hear it she went sniding on the side which is just irritating, I told her to "shut up, please" cos I was busy telling him off. I made some points and stood my ground and refused to be talkd over. I fought with him and made him understood tht he's condescending, he's toxic and just to stop playing the victim. He wasn't the only one suffering and made sacrifies, I told him tht and I will make hhim understand the meaning of tht evn if it takes ages.

I am so tired of playing piggy-in-the-middle since I was a child and within these past days I am learning to have a voice. Tho I hate it tht when I speak my tears won't stop and there's a slight crack in my tone. I was trying to be strong and stern and firm but I couldn't and I looked like a helpless child. I hate tht. But I am also proud of myself tht I'm starting to take charge. I'll roar and I will roar loud.

They both have issues with people, issues with each other being indifferent and issues as a child tht they bear and I want to save them cos I love them, I do. But in order for me to have tht chance, I need to save myself first. I will not stand for their immaturity, manipulation, woes, frustrations which is ther right and tbh not all the time they purposely do but yeah. I need to be brave and courageous not only for myself but for my dreams, my future and most importantly my siblings, my family.

I don't care if I end up being some villain in their stories cos when the time comes and it will come, they'd know tht we'e all just trying to be heard, trying to be understood and trying to be at peace.

[confusedinfj]

Infj VS Infp

I'm always disowning a lot of so-called infj features and saying they're actually mistyped infp and isfp features, so here's a summary for you. You can mainly tell an infj and an Infp apart by how they are when they're stressed or angry.

I am NOT saying infjs are perfect. They just have different faults than the ones commonly ascribed to them.

Infp

An example of an angry infp. Tom Hiddleston hearing misquotes of Shakespeare 😂

The Fi DOOR SLAM. Yes, you heard me: the Fi DOOR SLAM. This occurs when Fi takes offence and has to cut a person off or ruin its image of self. It looks like a silent tantrum, and it is not a noble thing, no matter how hard fake infjs try to make it sound.

Passive aggression. Wait, is the Infp angry at me, or are they just tired? No, I think that comment was a dig at me. I can't tell....

Silent tantrums. When your infp doesn't speak to you, and manages to cut you out and make you feel excluded while including you just enough that no one else notices. Mad skillz.

Weird thinking. Like the modern Sherlock. Weird positions, weird rituals - just a bit weird really.

Incomplete ideas. Infps are likely to change their mind five times in a debate. Inferior Te can't help it.

Certain about feelings. Fi users will say they don't know what they're feeling, but they can usually have a pretty good guess. They'll usually be able to work it out without too much help, and if they can't it will be evident in their behaviour. If your i*fp cries over spilt milk, it's okay. They probably feel better now.

Short term feelings. Similar to above. Fi users say things they don't mean when they're upset, because, in that moment, they do mean them. Fe users can really struggle with these 'shallow emotions', which are powerful but short lived. I used to think Fi users were lying about not meaning things they'd say while angry, but then I heard of mbti and I was like - oh. They're just not me. Let's just say Fi emotions are like oceans. Deep and intense, but they swimming all over them, so they kinda know what's going on.

Turbulent. Infps lead with feeling, and - particularly when they're younger - feelings can change. That's why infps are on a quest to find their inner selves. They want to understand how they really feel about things.

A need to be misunderstood. Yes, contrary to everything they indicate, infps don't want to be understood. They want you to understood that they're a mysterious soul - that's about it. Fi makes an Infp feel special, and if you crack their Fi code they will instantly feel worthless. (btw infps, it doesn't work that way. You're still special.).

Play the victim to tell you off for hurting them. Aw, poor little infp is upset because I didn't want to do exactly what she wanted. Poor little infp is brooding quietly in a corner. Awww. TOO BAD INFPS. Ignore and they might actually tell you what's wrong 😎 This is the Infp's second shadow function (critical parent) at play here - Ni. It lets them know most people will pity them if the use the victim act, because they feel bad. Critical parent Ni SHOWS YOU WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO THEM. And yes, intps do this too.

Zero Se. They're not even sure if Se is real. What is it? If an Infp is showing signs of Se you should probably take them home, give them a book and a hot drink, and just watch them like a baby. Se in infps is unnatural. They will become even more quickly overwhelmed by stimuli than an infj because of this. But they're more likely to be in touch with their body because of Si.

Snappy control freaks when stressed or down. If you have an inf* friend and you can't call the last letter, think about what they do when stressed or sad. Do they snap at you? Say things they don't mean later? Obsessively try to control your behaviour and their environment? That's inferior Te.

Liked in spite of everything. If you can't type someone and people say they love them in spite of everything, they're almost definitely an i*fp. After all, they're still cupcakes 🎂

Infj

The face of an angry infj... Pewdiepie talking defending how much money he earns 😂 look, it's all in the eyes tbh.

The Infj door ajar. When you make it clear to the infj that they're not wanted, so they go home and close their door. But if you come back and say sorry they open it ever so slightly so you can prove yourself before you come back in.

Sudden aggression. Yes, you heard me. SUDDEN AGGRESSION. Fi mistypes have made it seem like infjs are the most subtle, passive aggressive people ever. Well they're not. Infjs will try to resolve their issues before telling you, so the depth of their grievance may overwhelm you. You might not get it the first time they tell you. So they get frustrated and appear to suddenly get very angry. Am I saying this is a good thing? No, but IMHO it's better than not telling anyone what you're upset about. Anyway, infjs only yell at people they really care about, to finally get their point across, so bear that in mind. If an infj is yelling at you they are 2000% done.

Silent anger. Ever so slightly different from a silent tantrum, because... It's anger. Every one who has ever seen an infj in their rare angry state has reported it to be scary (it's rare because an INFJ'S default reaction is sad). If an infj is telling you what's wrong you can fix the problem. If an infj is silent, you probably can't fix that.

No perceivable thinking, until weird questions. This is why infjs can be mistyped as Ne users or Te users. Occasionally they will need to think through an idea aloud (weak Ti), and thanks to the Ni-Ti loop it's probably some weird stuff. Infjs are also perceived as arrogant and thoughtless thanks to Ni- Ti, since it means they've probably thought about most things already and can just ANSWER when you ask them.

Complete ideas. Most of the time when an infj shares a thought it will be complete, which is why infjs often win arguments. Their Ni-Ti hasn't just considered their position, it's also considered your position, and your position on their position.

What R feelingz? Not all F types are the same. Some are Fe users, and let me be clear: they don't have Fi. They don't know why they feel tense - they probably didn't even realise they did feel tense. If your infj displays any form of emotion it is much deeper than it probably appears. Infj crying over spilt milk? Something is very wrong. You have to make them talk about themselves in the third person so they can work it out, because you probably can't. (*applies to Enfjs too, and all Fe users*).

Deep feelings. No, I'm not saying Fi users don't have deep feelings. I'm saying if an infj is crying about one thing, that's probably just the surface. People often complain that infjs and Enfjs in particular are emotionally mean for not sharing the full depth of their feelings, but in reality they don't know it's there. *nfjs are just sailing on the ocean of their emotions, they don't know what's what. So if they do mention something to you, take it seriously and times it by about 1000% in your head for full impact. *nfjs don't say things they don't mean when they're angry, but they may say things they've been keeping to themselves in a way they later regret. So if an *nfj is saying horrible things to you about you, don't assume they don't mean them: they do. Just try and filter the anger out and pretend they said them nicely 😂 Note: saying things in a way they regret means they may imply things they didn't mean. *nfjs don't always hear the full implications of things until they're said aloud, so try to hear the gist of what they're saying rather than taking it literally. It's why *nfjs often accidentally say things that sound dirty. They just don't realise until Fe filters it through people's reactions. 😂

Assertive. Infjs aren't as mysterious as Fi mistypes have led you to believe. In fact, infjs often tell you exactly who they are and how they work, only to be disappointed that most people don't lead with Ni and aren't trying to construct a picture of how they work. So next time your infj is upset because you don't understand them, realise they probably explained it to you already.

A need to be understood. Infjs want you to understand them. They only kind of understand themselves, and they could use some help. Don't accuse an infj of deliberately being mysterious, cos it's not true. They legit don't have a clue, k?

Tell you off for hurting them by keeping you accountable. INFJ'S critical parent is Fi, so prepare to take a good look at yourself in the mirror. If an infj feels the need to tell you off for hurting them, it's going to be calm, it's going to be rational, and it's going to hurt. You will feel guilty, because Ni-Fe will tell you exactly why you did it and why it hurt the infj. For example, maybe you lied to an infj. An infj would tell you it hurt them and go on to say something like, 'why lie about it? You know what that tells me? That tells me you knew you were doing something wrong. Because otherwise you wouldn't have felt the need to keep it from me.' And suddenly you will feel worse than them, as the infj realises the problem is yours, not theirs.

Zero Si. I don't even really know what Si is, that's how much I have it. If your infj is exhibiting signs of Si they're in a crippling state of anxiety/depression where they're trying to micromanage their world in an attempt to survive. It won't work, make them party. Zero Si also means you should take your infj seriously if they say they're sick. Idk why, but infjs NEVER look sick. Even when they're dying, they never look sick. And because of zero Si Infjs don't often feel a sickness coming on. It just hits them, and they wallow in misery, trapped in the prison that is their body 😭

Reckless when stressed or a little down. If you're in doubt about your inf* friend, think about what they do when they're stressed or sad. Do they want to go out with you? Party with you? Just do anything but stay home? That's inferior Se.

Disliked for no reason. If you can't type someone and everyone dislikes them, but no one really knows why, they're an infj. After all, they're just so... Not normal🐔

Edit: here are some pictures that symbolise for me what an infp-infj relationship of any kind is like. This is an over-idealised relationship, because fake infjs (infps) often talk about being friends with the real infps, and it's really just infp-infp 😂

And here are two which way seem contradictory. The infj is on the right in both pictures 😋