#tbh id almost rather be alone at this point

[homosexualmorelikehomiesexual]

yknow. while theres obvs a whole host of deliberate references saltburn pulls from mythology and classic literature, theres a lot of more contemporary, probably unintentional parallels i noticed could be drawn as well! (mainly my own faves bc my favorite hobby is projection)

so, in no particular order:

saw 2004. this ones a bit of a stretch but i mean, cmon. homoerotic bathtub. also the twist villain (ish), themes of vouyerism, playing games with peoples motives, pitting people against each other and exploiting power dynamics+dirty laundry. and the class disparity between the two love interests (yes saw is also a gay romantic tragicomedy to me. sorry)

dark shadows (the movie not the show) oliver is very vampire coded (i need to make a whole separate post abt that tbh) so hes barnabus collins. pamela is the redheaded dr. cotton whose overstayed her welcome. "the eggs are made for you. everything else is on the side"🤝"we dont have horses. we have a chevy". tragic gothic murder-(almost)-suicide romance. ig this makes felix josette, venetia carolyn, and farleigh the spooky little kid who can talk to ghosts,,,,,? eh yea ok its not a 1:1 ratio

hereditary. elspeths scream finding felixs body in the morning. the tendency to just fully suppress trauma until its impossible to ignore at which point it spills out in the most ghastly ridiculous ways. the undercurrent of intergenerational mother-son trauma. the way they both seem to juggle two focuses at once, one focus being interpersonal dynamics, the other being class commentary (or supernatural horror in hereditary, though id argue saltburn succeeds at this where hereditary falls flat) also the twist that its not in fact the family thats scary and culty and weird and ultimately the biggest threat, but an outsider (hated that twist in hereditary, loved it in saltburn)

sucker punch. again the theme of vouyerism! also consent, sexuality, and hypersexuality, getting by on charisma in a losing battle when surrounded by those with systemic power over you (farliegh ily mwuah), the fine line between desire and glorification and dehumanization, and how it forces the audience to do the uncomfortable work of reconciling our desire to take the eroticism presented to us at face value and sexualize the characters and their relationships, with the power imbalances and therefore inherently dubious consent between them (and us, the audience)

a girl walks home alone at night. this ones mainly just the title, but again i just really like the subversion of expectation that oliver is gonna be the one helplessly sucked into this whirlwind of danger, when in reality, hes the threat. and both the cattons and we ourselves as the audience wholly underestimate him due to the implicit biases it forces us to reconsider

the hunger games. more vouyerism, the way it catches the audience in wanting to focus on the romance because its comfortable and what we're used to, rather than actually look beyond the surface and engage with the power imbalances, particularly the classim and racism commentary. also that scene where oliver looks out the cab window and sees saltburn for the first time reminded me a lot of peeta and katniss looking out the train seeing the capitol

euphoria. ik yall noticed the jules and felix parallel w the angel wings, and duh jacob elordi is in both. but can i also pose that they both have themes of coodependancy and love as addiction and favorite persons and not loving someone as a person but simply loving to be loved. and also body glitter and cocaine

[watercolor-rainclouds]

im going to talk about the process behind this drawing (mostly the negative part) which isnt something i usually do, but im so so so normal about this drawing (lie), so long post incoming

1. the idea:

i draw False quite a lot, compared to most hermits, so i wanted to do something different. the previous day i glued black paper into my sketchbook and let myself draw Doc just from that (because i literally had no plans or ideas for him tbh), and it worked, so i thought id do something with black paper again. i literally just glued a strip of black paper roughly where i wanted the eyes to be and just drew the sketch of False. at this point i still didnt really know how the black paper would fit into the drawing. then i remembered i saw some ppl a million years ago (maybe on tiktok?) draw/paint in negative so i thought why not. like, the worst that could happen is that i hate it and have to draw something else. which isnt really a problem.

2. the coloring part i guess:

i actually did the colors one by one: i painted the hair, then looked at a color wheel and tried to use the pencil closest to the complimentary color. the hair was the only part i drew with a color wheel because then i remembered that negative filters exsist lol.

then i painted her skin, looked at it through the negative filter and for the negative part i ended up using two pencils layered on eachother very lightly because i wasnt satisfied with either of them alone:

then basically theres only the eyes left. i knew i wanted light blue so i put light blue through a negative filter. and boom. orange. when i swatched my orange pencil next to it and in negative they basically switched colors i almost screamed in excitement:

like look at it, fucking magic!!! like ik how it works but its the closest i can get to magic.

then i suffered with the hair a bit more, trying to get it to show up as yellow rather than that orange-ish color but i wasnt successful so i just did the lineart in white, added a highlight to her eyes with black and thats pretty much it. and also did the lineart for the non-negative part, but with black pen. yeah i think thats it.

its easier than it seems but idk if looking through a filter occasionally counts as cheating or not lol.

thanks for coming to my ted talk or whatever. im too insane about this drawing to not share the process, and i will probably experiment more with negative stuff because its cool and i really enjoyed it :)

[chosonore]

infatuation

infatuation [noun. strong but not usually lasting feelings of love or attraction]

pairing: kamo choso/f!reader

summary: in a spurt of recklessness, you hire an escort to help you learn about relationships and intimacy. what you didn't expect was to fall in love with him along the way. [part of the kamo escorts collab]

wordcount: 23.3k

content/warnings: escorts au, slow burn, language, smut!!!, fluff, soft dom!choso, reader is very oblivious and painfully awkward, awkward firsts, dry humping, handjobs, oral sex (m + f receiving), fingering, uh somewhat public sex, loss of virginity, oral fixation, praise kink, lowercase is intended [VERY VERY UNEDITED]

a/n: hello here it is and finally done!!! i've been sitting at this for a week straight now and while i'm not super happy with it, it would've been a shame to just throw it out tbh. writing improvement is a slow progress after all! i'm dedicating this to @sukirichi who always hyped me up while i was writing this, happily welcomed me to the collab and who always supports my writing and i really appreciate it. thank you, from the bottom of my heart! (argh i have so many cut scenes that i ran out of space for dividers, sorry! hope the reading flow still makes sense though)

"that's what you were so worried about?" nobara looked at you incredulously, as if you grew two heads and asked for her firstborn. "you were scared that guys don't like you because you've never dated anyone?"

you let out an embarrassed whine, pushing at her arm in an attempt to get her to shut up. it wasn't your fault that she jumped to (multiple and very wrong) conclusions when you'd called her and maki, asking them to meet up so you could ask for advice. even maki looked mildly amused, patting your head apologetically. you were well aware of how ridiculous your issue sounds - the topic of dating had always made you anxious. you came from a very wealthy family that always sheltered and protected you from everything. you were their precious little girl after all; your father would rather drop dead than have you mingle with people who didn't treat you well and didn't deserve you. they meant well and it had never been an issue until you moved out to attend university (your parents had acted like you were leaving to travel the world and would never return, when really, you only moved two hours away from home).

even though nobara, maki and you had quickly become friends after you'd met at an event, you were wary to tell them about your background. it worried you, knowing how some people would treat you differently just to get on your good side and use you, so you opted to skirt around it as much as possible. it took you months until you opened up to them when you finally mustered up enough courage and trust to do so. they kept your secrets ever since, always protecting you and looking out for you. you were truly glad to be their friend. the two of them had grown suspicious when you kept declining their invites to join them for parties or to simply go to a bar and you were slowly starting to feel more and more guilty until you couldn't take it anymore and just confessed, asking them for advice.

"so that's why you're nervous even around inumaki," nobara concluded, propping her chin up in thought. "i didn't think your parents would be this protective. do they know that you want to start dating now?"

"no…" you confessed, fidgeting in your seat. "my dad, he um- he means well and usually has a good radar when he says that a guy doesn't deserve me. but i thought it was time to venture out on my own. it's good to have some experience, right?"

"i mean you're not wrong but i don't want you to be asking for advice simply because you feel pressured about dating since everyone else is doing it," maki retorted, giving you a concerned look.

you quickly shook your head. it wasn't that you felt pressured about not having any experience yet. you didn't necessarily want to admit to them that you were a hopeless romantic and liked the idea of being with someone; in the end, it was your own decision to venture. men made you nervous, you didn't know how to act around them and the thought of approaching a stranger by yourself was too scary. maybe it was a better idea to find someone to show you the ropes first, you felt embarrassed about your lack of knowledge and skills and - it wouldn't hurt to have some kind of dating training, right?

"i mean, technically, you could just ask one of the guys to take you out on a fake date. i'm sure megumi wouldn't mind," nobara was already pulling out her phone, making you grabbing her hand in panic and furiously shaking your head.

"i don't want to get them involved in this! it would make things pretty awkward and that's the last thing i would want. isn't there any other solution?" you explained quietly, playing with the hem of the dress. you felt bad for rejecting all their suggestions but you simply didn't want to be a burden to your other friends either.

"well," nobara and maki looked at each other grinning. "you could hire a fake boyfriend."

"really? you can hire tho-"

"escorts, y/n, escorts," nobara pushed her phone over to you, pointing on the screen. frowning, you read the little description. kamo escorts. you'd never thought about hiring someone, let alone knew enough about the topic. judging from nobara's face, she seemed to be well versed and it made you slightly suspicious.

"it's the easiest way for you and you have enough money to pay for their service. it's convenient, you can adjust it to your schedule and they'll send someone who fits your preferences. you choose the spot for your date and they'll make it happen, right? it's perfect and you don't have to worry about getting anyone involved," she explained, tapping at the bottom of the screen. "just give them a call, they'll walk you through the entire process. if you don't like it, you can find someone else or just abort mission."

"what do you mean they'll send someone who fits my preferences?" it did sound like an easy process, almost too easy. something was bound to go wrong, you could feel it. "i don't even know what my preferences are, so how could they possibly-"

"y/n, you might be blind but we are not," maki flicked your forehead playfully, she was more perceptive than you. "if you want, you can call them right now and we'll help you with the preferences, okay? maybe that'll ease your nerves a little."

"now?" you squeaked, eyes widening in horror. you weren't prepared at all; when you invited them over you were only planning to gather advice and then act on it.

"yeah! come on, it'll be fun and it's not like they can see your face," nobara grinned and was already dialing the number, moving away from you agilely before you could snatch the phone out of her hands. you wanted the earth to swallow you, why did they think that this was a good id-

"good evening, thank you for calling kamo escorts. my name is ijichi, how may i help you?" a male voice sounded from the phone, you instinctively dove behind the couch but maki was quicker and pulled you back with one fluid motion. curse her strength and speed.

"yes, hi, my friend here would like to hire an escort but she's too shy to do so, so we're helping her with the entire process. i hope you don't mind?"

"if it helps to ease the nerves, not at all."

nobars nudged you, holding the phone out. you pouted at her, shaking your head like a stubborn child. she rolled her eyes and pushed the phone into your hand forcefully, making you panic as you didn't want ijichi hearing your wrangling.

"um, yes, i- i'd like to hire someone but- ah nobara already mentioned that! it's for… for dates! i just need someone to go on dates with me."

"i see. is this a formal event?"

"n-no! i just need dating training of sorts, so casual is fine… if i do need to attend a formal event in the future, would that be a problem?"

"not at all, simply let us know when booking. our escorts are trained to be able to adapt to any situation and event, there is nothing you need to worry about, miss. do you have any specific preferences?"

"uh i-"

nobara leaned over your shoulder. "she prefers more mature guys! someone who's caring and attentive, someone who's not too outgoing and loud, it has to match her energy! since this is date training, there's probably going to be a lot of awkwardness so we'll need someone who is patient too. someone who can act like the best boyfriend to ever boyfriend. as for looks, i think she's fine with everything- although wait, maybe dark hair. yep, dark hair."

you couldn't believe her, she practically directed the entire call for you as if she'd made a plan beforehand, knowing that it would come to this. there was no doubt that she'd had this in mind, this was nobara after all. maki, on other hand, was watching you amused; she didn't usually engage in whatever shenanigans nobara was up to but she was always a bystander who very much enjoyed your reaction just now.

"miss, do you agree with the listed preferences?" ijichi asked after a moment of silence. you could hear him typing and occasionally scribbling on paper.

"yeah, yes, that's fine. is it possible to book him on weekends? i don't know if this is going to work out just yet so maybe once a week on fridays? i've never done this before so yeah."

"that is doable, yes. if you wish to engage in sexual relations, you may discuss it with your escort. these services come at an additional cost, of course."

"i don't-"

nobara interrupts you again, smirking at you cheekily. "it would be beneficial, so please take that into consideration when choosing the escort!"

"alright, thank you," ijichi went silent for a minute while he was organizing the files and schedules. "there are some possible candidates with whom i have to check with first. i will get back to you, should they agree to the job. after that we can exchange personal information and contacts so we can discuss the matter further."

"okay um. thank you, mr ijichi, i appreciate your help," you thanked him bashfully, giving him your number before thanking him again. you were already so deep in thought that you didn't even listen to his reply. now you've really gone and done it. were you crazy? what if your parents found out? they'd riot and be immensely disappointed in you. getting some dating experience through dating an escort, only nobara could ever come up with something like this.

"how do you feel?" maki inquired and rubbed your shoulders in concern, seeing how quiet you suddenly grew. weakly shrugging with your shoulders, you grasped the fabric of your shirt and nervously fiddled with it. the entire ordeal filled you with anxiety, a myriad of thoughts circling in your brain. it was the first time doing something "reckless" and it left you feeling nauseous.

"i'm not sure." you hesitated. "i'm curious to see how it goes but it just makes me really nervous. how do i act around him? and what if he finds me weird?"

"i don't think he's going to think you're weird just because you get nervous around guys. and besides, ijichi said he'd find the perfect guy for you, yeah? don't worry about it too much. if you don't feel comfortable after the first date, we'll figure something out."

"i guess so… um, but you guys don't mind accompanying me to it? just to make sure it's not some weird guy?" upon seeing your hopeful face, the two girls couldn't say no - of course not, you were their precious, innocent friend. as amusing as this situation was to them, they wanted nothing more than to support you and see you happy as well. you had already done a tiny step out of your little, sheltered world and much more was to come.

the ring of your phone nearly scared you to death, making you drop the book you were holding. quietly cursing, you picked it up and placed it on the table before answering the phone. who was even calling you at this time? everyone knew you were busy in the evening, slaving away on your assignments. it must be really important to interrupt your workflow like this- you almost dropped your phone in shock when you recognized ijichi's voice on the other side. admittedly, you forgot about the entire ordeal and didn't expect him to get back to you so soon. "good evening, ms y/n. i'm calling you regarding your inquiry so we can finalize all the details."

"u- uhm yes! thank you for calling!"

although ijichi was kind and patient, you were still nervous as you scribbled the details on a piece of paper. your escort's name was choso, he was a few years older than you and his schedule was very flexible. there wasn't more info, ijichi had announced that choso would call you as soon as possible. dread filled your stomach - it was nerve wracking to meet new people, not to mention someone you hired to be your fake boyfriend for the day. and now that you knew he was calling, all focus and concentration was thrown out the window. silently, you sat at the table and stared at your phone, waiting for the screen to light up. maki and nobara didn't need to know about this new development just yet as you wanted to navigate this on your own before telling them.

not too long after, your phone rang again, an unknown number flashing across the screen. it had to be him. even though you mentally prepared yourself for minutes, the anxiety came back full force. with trembling hands, you picked up, holding your breath as you waited for an answer. a deep, rather dulcet voice greeted you from the other side. you liked the sound of his voice, it almost put you at ease if it wasn't for your mind that constantly reminded you what was going on. you hastily introduced yourself to him and told him why you were requesting his services. the entire time, he was silent and let you speak - although you appreciated that he didn't interrupt you, every second that was passed in silence agonized you.

"hello y/n, my name is choso and i'll be your escort for the time being. ijichi told me you were looking for someone to pose as your fake boyfriend?"

"ah, uh yes sort of! i don't… have any experience when it comes to boyfriends and that kind of stuff. and i- i just wanted to learn what it's like to d- date and- and," your voice got smaller and smaller, until it was a mere whisper that was filled with all kinds of embarrassment that you felt. you couldn't help it, hopefully choso was still able to decipher what you were explaining. "you know, k- kissing and all that stuff. i've never done it with anyone before."

"i see," choso paused for a second, making your heart race. "i can't say i've had this situation before but i'm confident in my skills to guide you through this. before we first meet, let's set some boundaries so you feel comfortable at all times, okay?"

you hummed and nodded, although he couldn't see you over the phone. choso sounded like what nobara had described your ideal type - ijichi really had delivered and chosen the best possible match. choso knew what to say and how to steer the conversation in such a way that it didn't make you feel helpless or anxious. and you, in turn, felt like you could trust him with this issue.

"y- yes! uhm when i first called ijichi, a friend of mine helped me with the process and requested someone who was comfortable with sexual relations but… uh, to be honest, i never thought of requesting them. i'm not entirely sure if i want to do it either… i want to approach this in a slow manner, as slow as possible."

"alright, i can work with that. as for our first meeting, have you picked a time and location?"

you sighed in relief. choso seemed like a really nice and understanding person, leaving most of the options up to you. you knew it was part of his job but it felt nice to know that he was so forthcoming and accommodating. for the first date, you’d chosen a nice restaurant that had good reviews and little private booths. even though there was no way your father would ever magically appear and find out about your escapades, you were still trying to be secretive and cautious. the restaurant was situated in a widespread estate with beautiful gardens, the perfect spot to take stroll after dinner. in all the romance books you’d consumed, these type of dates seemed to be very popular - you thought to yourself why not? as you discussed your plans with him, you briefly wondered what he looked like. it felt weird asking him about it and you'd meet him soon anyways. maybe he looked like what you thought his personality was - like a prince charming? the prince that your dad had always assured you would come along. a small giggle left your lips at the thought of it; it was silly to believe it would turn out to be the love of your life. though it made you giddy thinking of your prince charming.

“is everything okay?”

“ah sorry, everything’s fine! i just had a silly thought a moment ago, that’s all,” reassuring choso quickly, you rubbed your cheeks in embarrassment. he must’ve thought that you were going crazy. “anyways, thank you for um, everything. i feel more comfortable now that i’ve discussed the details with you, thank you for being so patient. i look forward to meeting you!”

on the other end, choso hesitated, startled by your sudden enthusiasm when you were rather shy and timid before. it seemed that you were willing to open up a little more. he was curious himself, never having dealt with such a case before. usually, only experienced people who were looking for eye candy to accompany them to fancy events would hire him. he couldn’t imagine what you were like before meeting - it was nicer to get to know you in person after all, for the sake of a date setting. still, how were you able to afford the services? considering you were most likely a college student, he couldn’t fathom what lengths you went just to gain some experience. though he supposed, he shouldn’t judge you too quickly.

“i look forward to meeting you as well. see you on saturday, y/n.”

for hours you’d gone back and forth between outfits - casual? or more cute? maybe a mix of both? maki wasn’t much of a help either, mostly just giving you a thumbs up for every outfit while nobara had something to criticize about every outfit. you sighed, tossing yet another shirt onto the heaping pile of clothes. it was hard trying to impress someone that you didn’t know. the last item on your list was a simple, flowy dress and it seemed to be the best fit. you didn’t want to agonize over the choices any longer, seeing that the date was inching closer and closer. maki looked like she was bored out of her mind as well, scrolling through her phone as she was lounging on your couch with nobara. “are you sure you’ll be fine?” maki questioned you again. she was relieved about your good mood, how you were less apprehensive about the entire ordeal. when you first told them about choso after the phone call, you sounded slightly excited and were gushing about how nice he had been. you were hopeful that you could learn a lot from him. however, maki couldn’t help but worry about you, constantly making sure you were feeling okay.

“i’m sure i’ll be fine, don’t worry! we agreed to just have dinner today and let me test the waters… we’re really just doing whatever i feel comfortable doing for now,” you explained to the two of them, smoothing out the dress before grabbing your bag. “so yeah, i’m ready, i think. i mean if anything was to happen, i’ll let you know right away. i really have to go now though, you guys coming?”

nobara made a noise of protest, not wanting to get up from your bed which promptly earned her a nudge from maki. you giggled at your friend’s antics, grasping her arm to pull her up. as lighthearted and happy as you acted, you tried to hide your nervousness in front of your friends. worrying them did no good. as the three of you made your way to the restaurant, you checked your phone to see a text message from choso who asked to meet you in front of the building. you agreed, telling him that you would be there soon. the phone pinged again, choso had sent you a simple smiley. it made you grin a little, earning a suggestive glance from nobara whom you gently shoved.

"text us if anything happens, yeah? we can also pick you up afterwards so don't worry about it," maki reminded you again as you rounded the corner of the street, stopping mere meters in front of the restaurant so you could say goodbye to them. again, you reassured them that you would do as they suggested. you would be fine, because after all, choso was a professional. waving at your friends’ retreating figures, you slowly walked towards the entrance and let your eyes wander. the streets were busy, you couldn’t immediately make out anyone who was waiting in front of the restaurant. not that you really knew what choso looked like, you just hoped your search wouldn’t get more difficult with people waiting in the front. glancing at your reflection on the windows of a parking car, you made sure that you looked presentable and approachable.

“y/n?” your soul nearly left your body as you got startled by a deep voice behind you, now suddenly being aware of the figure behind you. whirling around, you almost hit the other person with your small bag with the swing. your eyes widened and you apologized profusely, fussing around to make sure the person was okay until you paused. wait a minute. this person knew your name. abruptly leaning back so you could look at the person’s face - they were very, very tall - you incredulously stared at them before spluttering: “c- choso? you’re choso?”

the taller male nodded, gently grasping your shoulders to steady you. on your bare skin, his hands felt scalding hot, making you painfully aware of how close you stood to each other. choso, for a lack of better terms, looked nothing like you’d expected but you couldn’t complain. he was attractive, very much so. he almost fit into the bad boy category, the type of men your dad would never let you close to. you felt inexplicably drawn to choso, like a moth to flames and you just couldn’t look away. he stared back at you, dark eyes glinting with concern as he took in your form. as your voice had suggested, you appeared to be a rather shy and timid person, looking at him like a deer in headlights. choso thought you were adorable, the way you were holding onto the sleeves of his shirt to not fall.

“i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to hit you! you just really scared me there,” you apologized again, letting go of the fabric in embarrassment. luckily, he didn’t seem to mind, patiently waiting until you were composed again.

“don’t worry about it, i’m okay. it’s nice to finally meet you. should we head inside?” he offered you his arm which you gratefully took and followed him inside. truth to be told, you were starstruck by him, still too flabbergasted to say another word. thankfully, choso had picked up on your speechlessness, silently chuckling to himself as he led you to your private booth. you sat across from him, quietly thanking the waiter as he handed you the menu. eyes flitting back and forth between it and choso, you fiddled with the hem of your dress. what would you even talk about? you felt awkward, not knowing what to ask him; your confidence had suddenly vanished with the earlier incident.

“you look like you’re about to faint,” choso teased you, giving you a cheeky smile. “i’m not gonna bite you, i promise. i’m supposed to be your fake boyfriend, right? ask me whatever you want, just act like we’re good friends. it’ll get better with time.”

you nodded eagerly, face heating up at the mention of boyfriends. how does one even act around them without prior experience? let’s not dwell on it for too long, you thought to yourself. fidgeting on your seat, you pointed at the menu. "do you already know what you'll be getting? a lot of people online recommended their signature dish so i thought we could try it… but all of their dishes sound really good!"

“how about we order different dishes and try from each other then?” choso suggested in response, amusedly watching how your eyes lit up at his idea. you nodded quickly, delving back into the menu to find your desired dish. glancing over to his side to see what he was looking at, you then pushed your menu over to him, pointing at the dish you would be ordering. choso nodded in understanding, skimming the pages until he found a dish that complimented it. not wanting to let you wait any longer, he gave the waiter a sign, ordering for the two of you. across of him, you stayed quiet, still contemplating what to ask him.

“feel free to ask me anything,” choso reminded you again, propping his chin on his hand and leaned closer to you. “when you first get to know someone, dates are really just to spend time with each other and getting to know the other person. if there’s something you two have in common, you’ll just go from there and bond over it, yeah?”

humming in thought, you nodded and looked up at him. “so uhm… what do you like to do in your free time? i’m still in uni, so i spend most of my days studying. but i really like reading when i’m free and i also volunteer at an animal shelter. the pets there make me really happy!”

“my job takes up the majority of my time, so i try to spend time with family and friends as much as possible. my younger brother has gotten me into surfing and paddle boarding, i really enjoy doing that. what do you study, if i may ask?”

“i want to become a veterinarian in the future! it’s been my dream ever since i was younger, so yeah… you said you have a younger brother? i have an older sister but we don’t have much in common since she’s a lot older than me. but um surfing! so you spend a lot of time at the beach, right? i haven’t been there in a long time.”

“if you still wish to continue after today’s date, we could go to the beach next time? i can teach you, it’s not that difficult.”

surprised, your eyes widened at his suggestion. he seemed to be confident that there would be a next time and you couldn’t even deny that possibility. so far, you were easing into the conversation more and more - the process was more natural than the whole setting suggested. though he still made you nervous, he had been nothing but respectful of your space and friendly. not to mention that you were attracted to him as well; if you hadn’t hired him, you could imagine actually getting close to him.

"i- i'd love that." as you told him more about yourself and listened to his stories, you didn’t notice how much time had passed until the waiter suddenly appeared in front of you, presenting you the dishes. your mouth was watering at the sight of the delicious dishes, you couldn’t wait to dig in. quickly thanking the waiter, you then took a bite from the dish after he left. you sighed in satisfaction, taking your time to properly taste the first bite.

“this is so good, you need to try it!” you gushed, pushing your plate closer to the middle of the table. choso chuckled, sharing his plate with you as well. as you took in all the side dishes, he'd already taken it upon himself to pick up a smaller piece with his chopsticks, nudging it towards you. you looked at him confused, then back at the small piece of food. was he trying to-? carefully, you leaned in and let him feed you, confusion and hesitation immediately melting at the taste. the food made you happy, but the unusual intimacy and closeness that he just showed you wasn't lost in between the myriad emotions.

as you had dinner, the previous conversation continued. choso was a few years older than you, has been working in this industry for two years now and preferred coffee over tea. he disliked early mornings and liked to sleep in until noon. his most precious and valued object was a polaroid camera, he wanted to have photos commemorating important occasions or moments that were special to him. all these little details made you feel like he was less of an escort that you'd hired but more of a friend. much to your surprise, the conversation ran smoothly and there were no awkward, silent gaps. you supposed it was only natural; you felt comfortable with him so it was easy to talk. had it been any other guy who didn't understand you or your intentions so well, you probably would've closed up.

"do you want to take a stroll around the estate? i heard the gardens are really beautiful," you asked choso, a hopeful glint in your eyes. dinner was finished long ago, silence filled with light conversation and teasing from choso’s side. you weren’t sure where to go from this or how to suggest being… more intimate. choso had suggested you would go slow - but how slow was too slow? and if you were to go with the flow, when would be the right time?

“i would love to,” choso’s reply pulled you out of your thoughts, focusing your attention back to him. lost in your thoughts, you nodded and called a waitress over to pay the bill. you felt choso’s gaze on you, making you queasy. what did he think of you? or this entire ordeal? you wondered. as he stood up and moved behind you, you nearly jumped out of your skin when he placed his hand on the small of your back, guiding you out of the restaurant. the touch was unfamiliar, heavy and scalding even through your clothes, but not unwelcome. a strange feeling welled up in your chest, crawling its way up your throat, constricting it in such a way that it distracted you from coherent thoughts.

seeming to notice your conflict, choso stepped to the side, offering you his hand. you glanced at it, hesitating. “boyfriend experience, remember?” he grinned at you, patiently waiting until you took his hand. his hand was much bigger, almost entirely engulfing yours as you intertwined your fingers. gently swinging your arms back and forth with the flow, choso lead the way through the paths of the garden. having looked forward to it, you suddenly found yourself too distracted by him. the flowers and trees were beautiful and so were the statues but he was the one that caught your attention.

“my hands aren’t sweaty, are they?” you asked after a moment of silence, stopping to face choso. he laughed and shook his head, flicking your forehead gently.

“stop worrying about things too much, you’ll be fine. you don’t see me complaining, do you?”

“i mean that’s true… but i can’t help it! there’s just a lot to uh, think about…” your voice trailed off, you let his hand go to cover your face in embarrassment. choso inched closer to you, grasping your hands to pry them off your face. remaining stubborn, you pulled them back in, a giggle breaking from your lips when he tried again, playfully pinching your cheeks.

“want me to take your mind off said things?” he asked with a low voice, inching in further until your back hit a tree trunk behind you. he was so close, too too close. weakly, you pushed at his chest, trying to get him to back off. the sudden closeness that threw you off - your heart was racing at a million miles an hour, the endless possibilities dancing around your head. “how so?” your voice came out quiet and breathless, as if you were anticipating anything, something… his touch perhaps?

“do you feel comfortable with me?” without hesitating, you nodded in agreement. choso didn’t question you any further, simply gave you a knowing smile before diving in and pressing his lips against yours. instinctively, you stiffened, hands clenching around the fabric of choso’s shirt. breath caught up in your throat, you struggled to ease into it. you pulled away from him, squeezing your eyes shut in shame.

“i’m sorry that-”

“don’t apologize,” choso comforted you quickly, clasping your hands in his and intertwining them. thumbs gently rubbing the back of your hands, he lifted one of them to press a kiss against your knuckles. you blinked perplexed; your heart fluttered at the gesture. “don’t overthink it, there’s no science to it, yeah? just follow the flow, whatever feels good. we’ll go from there.”

giving you a moment to collect yourself, he leaned back in, silently waiting for permission. again, your breath hitched but this time, it wasn’t the nervousness. it was his eyes that drew you in, demanding all of your attention. dark, with unknown depths, that glimmered with mischief. ever so slightly, you tilted your head up to meet his lips. his warm lips pressed against yours, slowly testing the waters and letting you set the pace before deepening the kiss. now less hesitant, you kissed him back with more fervour, losing yourself in the feeling. it felt awkward and strange now that you let him guide you, leaving more space for you to ponder about the feeling that it evoked inside of you. you were glad he was holding your hands, otherwise you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself. the kiss brought forth a pleasant, tingling feeling - the sort of feeling that pulled you in, lulling you in warmth.

when choso pulled away, you almost mewled in disappointment, chasing after him. he let out a breathy laugh, cupping your cheek. “how did that feel? was it okay?”

“y- yeah, i liked it. felt very strange at first but once i was able to ease into it, it was… more natural and felt really good,” you explained to him shyly, leaning into his hand. longingly, you gazed at him. would it be weird to ask for another kiss? you wanted explore the feelings more, the intimacy of it, wanted to feel more of him. as if sensing that you were craving more, choso leaned in again, stopping a few centimeters in front of your face. with a sudden surge of boldness, you closed the distance between you, leaning up to kiss him. choso's arm snaked around your waist, pressing you closer to his body. gradually your body felt hotter, a dull ache accompanying it, spreading across the expanse of your stomach.

before you could act on the urge, choso pulled away again, pressing an apologetic kiss to the corner of your lips. "sorry, i don't want to get too carried away and we're… uh in public," he laughed at your horrified expression upon realizing your mistake. "i take it that you're still comfortable with this? do let me know if it gets too overwhelming for you.”

“n- no, it’s fine! it was uh, an interesting insight. i just wasn’t expecting to really get into this, considering- considering i hired you for this and don’t really know you.”

choso hummed in agreement. “i guess there has to be at least a smidge of attraction for it to work, yeah?” you looked at him stunned, trying to decipher the look in his eyes. you couldn’t place it; couldn’t place the feeling of longing that was emerging in you. when he looked at you like that, it was difficult to remind yourself that he was just an escort that you hired for your personal problems. when he looked at you like that, it filled you with warmth, making you want to pretend that he really cared about you as if you were in a relationship.

“yeah… yeah, i guess so.”

nervously, you were twiddling with your phone, contemplating whether to text choso or not. after the last “date”, you felt confident enough in continuing your… relationship of sorts. he was great at guiding you, always making sure you were comfortable and moving at your pace. you did let him know that you would book another session, you just hadn’t set up a date or time yet. and casually texting him felt awkward. hey, how’s your day? oh by the way, i wanna book another session so we can make out haha? maybe calling was a better idea. there was no plan ahead, never did you think you would even get this far.

the dial tone made you nervous. you chewed on your bottom lip as you waited for him to pick up, bouncing your leg up and down. maybe he was busy? it was early in the afternoon after all, he was probably already out with other clients. “hello? y/n?” choso sounded groggy, his voice raspy and deep as if he’d just gotten up. it sent electric shocks right down your spine, raising goosebumps across your skin. never had you thought about a man’s morning voice before, but choso had you wondering, imagining. you spluttered: “oh hey uh are you busy? i’m not interrupting you with something, am i?”

“not at all, i just got up,” choso admitted with a quiet chuckle. “everything okay? are you calling in for another appointment?”

“ah, yeah! i thought that we worked quite well and there’s still a few more things i want to learn with you, if you’re up for it? if you’re comfortable with it too, of course!”

“mhmm, i wouldn’t mind,” choso pondered from the other side. sounds of rustling and a few clangs resounded before you could clearly hear his voice again. you were glad that he agreed to it, meaning that you weren’t entirely… hopeless in that department. for days, his words were ghosting around in your head, a constant reminder that he seemed to find you attractive as well. not that he showed it, staying professional despite the nature of your relationship. it was nice to imagine that someone would look at you like that, at your shy and timid self.

choso was meticulous about his work, working on every detail and concern until he was satisfied. even though he looked so easy going, from time to time he had to admit that he was a perfectionist and easily frustrated when something didn't go the way he expected. so when you rolled around, so innocently asking for help, it threw him off. the feelings of confusion grew when he first met you, unable to pinpoint the origin of this urge, possessive and demanding, reaching its tendrils out to you. the way you reached out to him for help, the fact that you wanted to continue, wanted him to teach you. it thrilled him to the core when it really should not. he had to remain professional. but he was curious, so curious. indulging a little wouldn't hurt, right?

to choso's surprise, the next venue you'd chosen was the own comfort of your home. you were barely acquaintances, more like strangers, and yet you felt confident to invite him here. at the phone you had told him that your friends thought you had weird ideas about dates due to only seeing glorified versions of them on tv shows and movies. it embarrassed you enough to take their advice, inviting choso over for a movie night as opposed to visiting another fancy venue with him. prior to the date, you went through movie suggestions and rented the ones that you thought were interesting and enjoyable for the two of you. despite your put together attire and look, your apartment did not reflect the sentiment. it was a little chaotic; books and paper stacking up in every free corner of the apartment, pens strewn across surfaces and here and there choso could spot memorabilia and photos.

you gave choso an apologetic look when you let him in. despite your best efforts to clean up, you were still not happy with the outcome. tidying wasn't your strong suit but you tried to make it as accommodating as possible. choso assured you that he didn't mind at all, telling you that it added to the charm of the apartment. it was unusual to have someone other than your friends or family in the apartment - your home was your sacred space that you rarely ever showed anyone else, let alone someone you had hired. choso took a seat on the couch, turning to look at you as you went to grab some glasses and drinks.

"i uh, told my friends about my plans and they just told me i have weird expectations of dates," you explained choso, placing the items you'd grabbed on the coffee table and rubbed the back of your neck sheepishly. "they said it would probably just be better to have a simple movie night since a lot of people do that. and it would… make things a lot easier i- if we go fu- further…" the implication was hanging in the air, you didn't dare to speak them out. choso gave you a knowing smile, patting the empty space beside him. gingerly, you sat next to him, squeaking in surprise when he snaked an arm around your waist and pulled you to his side. with wide eyes, you stared at him, still trying to wrap your head around the casual close proximity with the taller male.

wordlessly, you started a random movie, trying to focus on it. throughout the duration of it, choso would ask you questions about your day, how uni was going or whether you felt comfortable. you couldn't focus, not with him being so close. how you made it through the first movie you didn't know. you were hyper aware of choso's wandering hands, the ghost touches his fingers left, how he absentmindedly rubbed your legs that were resting on his lap. straining to keep your eyes on the screen, your neck already felt stiff from the tension.

"i can tell that you're distracted, you know?" choso hummed, hands squeezing your legs gently to catch your attention. pretending to not be affected by it, you shook your head. you didn't want to show him that you wanted to proceed, not yet.

"i'm trying to concentrate," you shushed him quietly, playfully pushing at his arm but still not looking over to him. silence. you assumed you'd convinced him that there was nothing wrong until you felt his hands innocently move a little higher, rubbing the top of your thighs. clenching your fists, you stayed put, unwavering in your resolve. choso's hands wandered, alternating between featherlight touches to using more pressure. he kept his eyes on you, gauging your reactions to him. you brought your hand up to cover half of your face. it was embarrassing, the way your breath came out laboured in response. without warning, arms were hooked under your knees, dragging you across the couch and seated you on his lap. you made a noise in protest, now finally paying attention to him. choso wasn’t sure why but it had bothered him that you were so adamant on keeping your attention on the movie as opposed to keeping your eyes on him.

choso wasn’t sure why but he craved your attention, wanted you to look at him only. his resolve crumbled when you looked at him with wide eyes, grasping the sleeves of his shirt to steady yourself. he couldn’t help but kiss you, swallowing your surprised mewl before you returned the kiss. pleased at your eagerness, he gradually deepened the kiss, licking at the seams of your lips. you gasp in surprise and parted your lips slightly, whimpering in anticipation. it felt unfamiliar and yet thrilling at the same time, fueling and flaring up the dull ache in the pit of your stomach. before choso could go any further, you pulled away and hid your face in the crook of his neck. “what’s wrong? did i go too far?” he questioned concerned, rubbing your back in soothing circles.

“no, no, not at all,” reassuring him quickly, you awkwardly turned in his lap, legs still thrown over it. “i uh just wanted to try to take initiative myself, figure things out without getting hints from you… if that’s okay?”

a sigh of relief left choso’s lips. silently, he gave you his approval and leaned back, watching as you shuffled clumsily. finally, you straddled his lap and placed your hands on his chest. in the dim light, you couldn’t make out his face expression - choso was glad that you couldn’t, otherwise you would have been able to see how much it was affecting him, how he was slowly losing his composure and control around you. but this was about you, he was there to help you explore this type of intimacy. releasing another shaky breath, you then leaned in and softly kissed him. you kept a languid tempo, slowly and surely cracking his restraint. trying to mirror what he’d done earlier, you pushed further, timidly licking into his mouth as he parted his lips.

seemingly not being able to hold back anymore, choso pushed against you with equally as much fervour, gripping your chin and tilting your head ever so slightly. his lips moved against yours, sucking your bottom lip, eliciting a whimper from you. again the ache in the pit of your stomach was flaring up, uncomfortable and yearning for relief; you moved against his lap, pressing your body against his when your crotch dragged against the bulge in his jeans. choso groaned, hands flying to grasp your hips and steady you.

dazed, you gave him a confused look. choso cleared his throat, lifting his hips ever so slightly so you could feel his arousal again. when the realization hit you, your face heated up - you were surprised to find out that he felt aroused… by you.

“oh.”

“yeah.” choso retorted dryly, hands rubbing at his face in embarrassment. “fuck, i’m so sorry. it wasn’t meant to get out of hand like this, i don’t know how far you planned ahead for today but i-”

“uhm if you don’t mind…” you hesitated. but curiosity simply got the better of you, you wanted to see him breathless and feel as hot and bothered as you did. “could i uhm. you know? give you a handjob? only if you don’t mind because i want to know how to please uhm, please people.”

choso swore under his breath. you had no idea how painfully hard you were making him. quietly encouraging you, he leaned in to kiss you again and guided your hands to his jeans. you fumbled with the button and zipper, hands trembling slightly. it took you a few tries until you were finally able to unzip his pants, a giggle left your lips at the thought of how clumsy you were. your hands gently rubbed at the tent in his boxers, breath hitching as choso’s hips jerked. gaining some courage, you slightly put on more pressure and watched fascinated when choso’s fingers digged into the fleshy skin of your hips in anticipation. slowly, you pulled the waistband of his boxers down until it revealed his cock. choso hissed at the cold air that was biting at his skin.

carefully, you wrapped your hand around the shaft, marvelling at how the skin felt on your hands. sensing your cluelessness, choso wrapped his larger hand around yours and guided you into a slow rhythm to get you used to the movement. sucking in a deep breath between his teeth, he praised you: “you’re doing good, y/n. fuck, you’re being such a good girl.”

your heart soared at the praise. eagerly, you leaned up to kiss him, still stroking him in slow movements. choso moaned against your lips, the deep sound spurring you on, eager to hear more of his reactions. when you finally felt more comfortable continuing on your own, choso pulled his hands away and instead settled them on the small of your back, sliding them down until they were resting on your bum. you wrapped your other hand around him as well and paid attention to his reactions, adjusting the pressure and pace accordingly. choso buried his face in the crook of your neck, whispering sweet praises in between his moans. eventually your name left his lips; it set your entire body in flames, desperate want clinging onto your bones.

“fuck, i’m close,” he groans against the skin of your neck, hips rutting up to meet your movements more frantically now. you weren’t entirely sure what to do, opting to simply match the pace. shudders wrecked through choso’s body as he came, warm cum painting your small hands and running down your fingers. he was panting, leaning back against the couch and watching you with hooded eyes. the sight in front of you stirred something inside of you - choso’s flushed face, the slight sheen of sweat on his skin, his kiss-bitten lips. with curiosity, you inspected the liquid on your hand. lazily, choso grasped your wrist, holding them away from you. “‘m sorry. do you have a tissue?”

you tilted your head, tugging on the sleeves of his sweater with your other hand. “uh i- i’ve heard from others… um. can i try?” you asked quietly. choso’s grip on your wrist weakened; he gave you an incredulous look, as if you few two heads. out of all things, he didn’t expect you to suggest that. fuck, he felt the blood rushing right back down to his cock. just the thought of you, doing that - it was enough to make him cum again. “go ahead, if you feel like it,” choso whispered in a low voice. dark urges overcame him again, begging him to give in, to make you bend to his will, to submit, to-

his thoughts came to a screeching halt when he saw you unashamedly pop a finger in your mouth, licking the come from it. there wasn’t any reaction from you really, you gave him a sheepish smile afterwards and gratefully took the tissue he offered you. he helped you wipe your hands, diving in for another kiss. “sorry, i think i just short circuited,” choso laughed embarrassedly, another kiss was pressed to your temple. “that was just… uh- fuck.”

“r- really?” you stammered, hiding your face in your hands. “it’s okay if it wasn’t that great for you, it was my first time after all, i-”

choso hushed you, going for another open mouthed kiss, eliciting a whimper from you. “yeah, really. fuck, the things i want to do to you,” he shook his head, not wanting to get sidetracked again. “but this is about you. we’ll only go as far as you’re comfortable. did you feel like you learned enough for today?”

“mh- hmm. thank you,” you leaned your head against his chest, closing your eyes as a sudden tiredness washed over you. choso’s fingers dancing across your skin were slowly lulling you into a comfortable slumber. “what is it that you want to do to me? will you show me one day?”

choso cursed, shivers running down his spine.

“if you want to, of course.”

-----------

now that you’d met choso a couple of times, it was pretty obvious that you took some liking to him. after that fateful day, nothing else had happened as you wanted to work on easing into relationship dynamics and feeling less insecure about things - choso had been nothing but sweet and mindful about it, even went out of his way to find suitable locations for your dates. somewhere along the way you had started to text more casually, the strictly business type texting long forgotten. gradually, the two of you opened up to each other, the lines between escort and client slowly blurring and intertwining.

choso had promised to pick you up after your shift at the animal shelter for your next date; for today he had suggested you come over to his place for a change. the thought that he was willing to let you in his home, let you have a glimpse into his personal life, it made you giddy with anticipation. despite getting closer to each other, he remained a mysterious person and you didn't want to pry. after all, you were merely his client. but what if you were more- patting your cheeks to put some sense back into you, you leaned down to pet the dogs. unbeknownst to you, choso had already entered the building and watched you with a soft smile as you gave each of the dogs their deserved belly rubs before you left.

you didn't take any notice of him until some of the dogs perked up and carefully trudged over to sniff at the stranger. turning around on your heels, your eyes widened as you took in choso's tall figure. you quickly apologized, telling him that you would be joining him right away to which he simply shook his head and reassured you that you were fine. your co-workers were eyeing choso curiously, one of them wiggling their eyebrows at you. in response, you waved it off, too embarrassed to set the record straight. choso looked so awfully much like a boyfriend in this moment - the way he was dressed in casual clothes that accentuated his physical features so well, the soft smile he gave you as he offered you his hand to take, the way he sounded genuinely interested and curious when he asked you about your day.

silently, you took his hand and followed him out of the building - you could feel your co-workers’ inquisitive gazes like laser beams on your back. while they were never particularly nosy about your personal life, it was unusual that someone would pick you up from work; much less someone that you seemed to be romantically interested in. surely, they would grill you the next time you would return to work. “they think you’re my boyfriend,” you explained to choso sheepishly, glancing down at your intertwined hands. choso squeezed your hand and nudged your side gently. “am i not?” he winked at you cheekily, making your face heat up. he had asked in such a serious voice that you’d briefly questioned yourself.

“n- no, not really,” you replied quietly, looking away from him. choso reached around you to open the car door for you. in the window reflection you could see his face expression; it was rather somber, almost as if your words had hurt him in a way. the emotion was gone from his face when you blinked. maybe you had just imagined it. getting close to him on that level was unattainable, no matter how you twisted it. it just wasn't right.

the car ride was mostly quiet, only the sound of choso's car playlist accompanying you. somewhere along the way he had reached out to intertwine your fingers, resting his hand on your thigh. holding hands was almost natural to you now, the way his hands automatically sought out yours whenever possible. in response, your heart was racing, filling with the all too familiar feeling of yearning. whether you were simply yearning for the intimacy and closeness of a relationship or for him, you weren't entirely sure. while choso had told you about himself for the sake of the fake dating, there were still unknown facettes. it was impossible for you to get to know all of him, not when he was selling a fantasy to you. and yet, you found yourself craving more of him, beyond what he was willing to show you.

choso parked his car in the garage, turning his body sideways so he could look at you. "you okay? you look like you were quite lost in thoughts," he hummed curiously, rubbing circles on the back of your hand. what could you possibly answer to that? hey i'm questioning our fake relationship and it's going beyond what i expected? abruptly, choso hoisted you across the seat onto his lap as if you'd weighed nothing. "a penny for your thoughts? or should i take your mind off things?"

"i- i think i would… rather not talk about it," you whispered quietly, gaze skirting away from his eyes. choso frowned, slightly irritated - he had a small inkling why he reacted this way but banned the thought to the back of his head. he understood that as a client, you wouldn't disclose details of your private life to him. but he found it difficult to circumvent your dropping mood when he couldn't tell what was going on.

"i understand," choso was about to open the door when you suddenly cupped his chin and dove in for a kiss. he was caught off guard - rarely did you ever initiate kisses, usually shyly asking beforehand. feeling bold, you pressed you pressed your hips down, grinding against his crotch. choso groaned, gripping your hips to guide you while thrusting his hips up to meet yours. he enjoyed how you shuddered at the newfound pleasure, the delicious friction making your toes curl. "does baby want me to take her mind off things?" he murmured with a raspy voice, peppering kisses across your jaw.

"please," you mewled needily, hands grabbing onto his shoulders, fingers digging into his skin. choso complied, sliding his hand up to tangle in your hair and gently pulled at it, tilting your head back. you were panting by the time he was moving down the column of your neck, nipping and sucking at your skin. lower and lower, until he reached the top of your breasts; with swift movements, he yanked your shirt and bra upso , pressing open mouthed kisses to them before wrapping his lips around your nipple. your voice cracked as you moaned his name, hands flying up to bury your hands in his hair. distracted by the ministrations, you didn’t notice choso’s free hand sliding down your front until you feel the coldness of his hands on your skin. you squirmed, giggling at the cool sensation - the giggle died abruptly when he dove lower, fingers rubbing your clothed pussy languidly.

“c- choso! we’re still in the g- garage, people can see!” you stuttered scandalized, tugging at the tips of his hair to grab his attention. choso simply hummed, carrying on as if you hadn’t just told him your concerns. rubbing circles on your clit, he watched with satisfaction how your legs were trembling, writhing in pleasure. just the sight of you - hickeys on your neck, slightly swollen lips, shirt pushed up to reveal your tits, his hands down your pants - it was so arousing and thrilling, he almost didn’t want to stop.

“the windows are tinted and no one’s around at this time… do you really want me to stop?” he murmured with a low voice, fingers pushing your panties to the side to gather the slick up on his fingers. “look at you, how much you’re craving it. the want is written all over your face, baby. do you want to stop now?”

before you know it, choso’s hand is suddenly hovering over your face, fingers glimmering with your arousal. you shot him a dazed look, confusion evident on your face. “open,” he instructed softly, slowly and carefully sliding his fingers in your mouth. almost instinctively, your hands gingerly grasped his wrist. your lips wrapped around them, tasting the liquid curiously. his breath hitched, blood shooting down his groin - fuck, you were going to kill him. tentatively, he thrusted his fingers, slow enough so he could gauge your reaction to it. you didn’t know what it was - the taste of yourself, the weight of his fingers on your tongue, the way he was looking at you with hooded eyes and a hungry expression on his face; it made you squirm, eagerly for more. choso immediately took notice of your sudden mood shift. barely noticeable, your hips were rocking back and forth as you sucked on his fingers, cleaning them of your slick.

with a pop, choso removed his fingers. you whimpered his name, gasping in relief when he slid them back down, moving your panties to the side. his thumb found your clit, rubbing the little nub gently in slow circles. as if he was in no hurry and unbothered by the prospect that someone could actually spot you, he continued his ministrations. your legs jerked, threatening to close when you felt his fingers prod at your entrance. excruciatingly slow, he sunk a finger into you. the feeling was unfamiliar, almost uncomfortable at first. seizing up, you clenched around the finger. “relax, ease into it,” choso whispered reassuringly, capturing your lips in a kiss. “it’ll feel good, i promise.”

choso inserted a second finger, letting you get used to the feeling of them. the kisses he was peppering on your chest were distracting you from the burning stretch, creating a confusing mix between pain and pleasure. “how are you feeling?”

“f- feels good, i- i-” you were struggling to form coherent sentences, too focused on how he was lapping at your nipples, sucking and kissing them gently. “y- you can continue…”

steadily, choso started to thrust his fingers into you - gradually, the burn was disappearing and replaced by a delicious stretch, pleasure that was spreading throughout your body and setting your nerves on fire. desperately clinging onto his shirt, you hid your face in the crook of his neck. choso placed a kiss on the crown of your head, whispering sweet praises and telling you what a good girl you were. it felt good, so good but something was missing, you needed something, maybe more. you started begging and despite blabbering nonsensical things, choso understood what you were asking of him. his fingers hit a peculiar spot inside of you when he curled them, making you jerk in surprise. “o- oh!” again and again, choso was hitting the spot, making you writhe on his lap.

something was building up in the pit of your stomach, like a tightened coil that was about to snap at any time. panicking slightly, you grabbed choso’s hand and tried to close your legs, wiggling away from him: “h- hey wait, i-” another moan broke from your lips when choso sealed your lips with his and wrapped his arm around your waist, locking you in place. “it’s okay, let go, baby. cum for me,” he whispered against your lips, sinking his fingers in you one last time. and then the coil snapped, the high crashing over you like a riptide, so blinding and intense that it took you a while to come down from it. your thighs were still trembling by the time you came back to your senses, ripples of pleasure still cursing through you.

you slump against choso's chest, exhausted from the intensity of your orgasm but feeling wonderfully blissed out. choso removed his hand from you, licking your arousal from his fingers before wiping them off on a paper towel. he brushed his fingers through your hair, pressing a kiss on your forehead. "how are you feeling? can you move?"

"my legs feel like jelly," your voice came out muffled, face still pressed into his chest. "'m feeling good though. that was… really nice."

"i'll carry you upstairs," choso declared matter-of-factly, hoisting you up so he could carry you. you slung your arms around his neck, pecking the side of his neck. his scent was faint but calming, lulling you into a sense of home and comfort. you wanted to stay close to him like this, just having him hold you in his arms. a myriad of emotions welled up in you, swallowing all your doubts until all that was left was the budding blossoms of your feelings for him, nurtured by his soft touches and adoring treatment. you wanted to cherish him, keep him close for as long as you could, as long as you could still have him.

"thank you."

"for what?" choso sounded surprised.

"taking care of me? i mean i pay you for it but i still wanted to let you know that i appreciate it."

“everything for you, baby,” choso replied softly, tightening his grip around you. as you got to his apartment, choso placed you on the couch and knelt down, hands wrapping around yours. “do you want to get changed? i’ll lend you some of my clothes, you can get changed in my room or in the bathroom if you want to freshen up.”

he was so so considerate, you couldn’t believe someone as nice as him existed out there. as you agreed, choso disappeared in his room; the sound of opening doors and drawers as well as rustling resounded from his room. you took the opportunity to observe his home. it was a small but cozy apartment, despite being sparsely decorated. in the back of the living room, you could spot some bags and boxes, presumably choso’s surfing equipment, as well as posters and photos cluttered on a pinboard. here and there, some little figurines and trinkets were spread across the apartment. although it was cozy, the apartment lacked some kind of presence, some warmth. you assumed that it had to do with choso’s job - he probably was rarely home between work and spending time with friends and family.

“here you go,” choso handed you a big sweatshirt and some shorts as he came back, patting your head teasingly. “go and get changed, i’ll start preparing dinner, yeah?”

you hid in the bathroom and got changed, neatly folding your clothes and stacking them on the counter. inspecting yourself in the mirror, you admired the size of choso’s sweater - it was a simple and cream coloured sweater that was entirely dwarfing and engulfing you. the sleeves were way too long and the hem almost reached your knees. but it was soft and comfy, coming close to choso’s hugs. you pulled the shorts up your legs, awkwardly securing them by tucking them underneath the sweater. choso had set up some boiling water and was silently chopping vegetables by the time you left the bathroom and tip toed towards the kitchen. “can i help you with anything?”

“no it’s okay, take a seat. do you want anything to drink? water? tea?” reluctantly, you sat at the small table on the side, pouting at him. choso simply laughed and shook his head, bringing a glass of water over. your heart jumped in surprise when he kissed your forehead as he placed the glass on the table. “i’ll take care of you for today. boyfriend duties, remember? the past times you’ve always taken us out on restaurants and incredible locations and now it’s my turn to show you the boyfriend magic.”

sudden dread filled your stomach. how could choso be so warm and kind-hearted to you, when you weren’t even in a relationship? you keep having to remind yourself that this was what he was doing for a living, that you might possibly never know the real him. that this might just be a mask that he kept on for the sake of your requests. you didn’t reply, deep in your thoughts as you stared at the glass of water. choso returned back to his previous task, cooking dinner in silence. your chest felt heavy with uncertainty and disappointment - you tried your best to push the emotions down. they were irrational, you knew full well what you were getting yourself into when you asked for his service.

thankfully, choso didn’t seem to have picked up on your sullen mood, even throughout dinner - you let no emotions shine through when you conversed with him, choosing to keep it lighthearted. you offered to wash the dishes, not wanting him to lift another finger when you could help him in return. as you scrubbed the bowls, choso creeped up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, placing his chin on your shoulder. “you wanna watch a movie? or go to bed already? you’ve had a long day at work after all.”

“hmm, yeah. i think i’d prefer going to bed, if that’s okay for you?”

“i could never say no to cuddles,” choso hummed, capturing your lips in another kiss. you whimpered against them, not being able to resist him. he moaned against your lips, grip on you tightening. “please don’t tempt me, it’s so hard to say no to you,” he warned you with a strained voice.

your face grew warm at the memories of a few hours ago. you couldn’t believe you let him do that, let him finger you in his car in the garage. no one had seen you and you were thankful for that but you wanted the ground to swallow you whole at the thought of someone possibly snitching on you. your father would lose his mind. “is- is it not what you want?”

“of course i do, but not today. baby steps, remember? we have all the time in the world. and i can assure you that i very much want you,” with one last peck on your lips, he removed himself from you and disappeared in his room. he wanted you. your heart was soaring at his confession. you were relieved to know that he was craving you as much as you were yearning for him. maybe you would indulge, just for a couple more times until you would inevitably have to cut off the relationship. you felt at peace with your decision, you told yourself. nothing good would come from false hope.

after washing up, you joined choso on the bed, shyly crawling towards him as he opened his arms and welcomed you. he pulled you into his chest, nearly crushing you with his weight. it made you giggle and squirm in his arms, trying to wiggle out of his hold. choso was having none of it, peppering kisses all over your face as he trapped you in place. gasping for air in between your carefree laughter, you weakly pushed at his head, squealing when he dove in to blow raspberries on your neck. he showed mercy and let up, instead curiously inspecting your neck as he pulled the neckline of your, no his, sweater down. something dark was glinting in his eyes as his eyes zoomed in on the hickeys he had left on your neck and chest - he felt strangely satisfied, pleased with his work of art. a sliver of possessiveness overcame him as he traced the trail of red marks on your neck, humming quietly.

“something wrong with my neck?” you questioned confused, not having spotted the hickeys yet. choso shook his head, simply laid back on his side again to look at you. “not at all. was just inspecting the hickeys i left on you.”

“you left marks?” you gaped at him, mildly shocked at the revelation. though he was preoccupied with your neck earlier, you didn’t expect him to actually leave so many marks, much less ones that were visible. “is… is that a common occurrence?”

“for couples? i think so. but i can’t speak for everyone; if it was me, i would do it frequently. stake my claim on you, let everyone know that you’re mine,” choso replied and casually draped the blanket over the two of you, as if he didn’t just admit to doing something he would normally do with a lover. did he think of you as his? you struggled to decipher his actions, not being able to match it with a specific reason.

“that’s uh-” your stuttering was interrupted by another horrifying thought. “oh god, i can’t let my parents see this, they will kill me.”

choso shot you a confused look. you hadn’t told him about your parents yet or how you were hiding this from them.

“my parents… especially my dad, are very cautious about letting me venture out in romantic relationships. it’s mostly because he didn’t feel like anyone was good enough for me and because he didn’t want me to get hurt. sometimes i felt like those princesses locked up in a tower, you know? so i decided to explore and uh, hired you. i didn’t want to burden my friends with having to help me gain some experience,” you explained to choso, eyes widening when he suddenly grabbed your hand and pressed a kiss to it. he winked at you cheekily before leaning over you to turn off the lights. you felt him press a gentle kiss to your lips but you couldn’t make out his face expression in the dark. choso preferred it like this, so you couldn’t tell the vulnerable look on his face, the ache of knowing that he could never fully be yours.

“then i’m glad i get to serve a princess such as you.”

----------

“you’ve been spending an awful lot of time with choso,” nobara commented as she took a sip from her coffee, reaching out to grab one of the muffins you had ordered. you looked away in embarrassment. it’s been nearly two months since you’ve started to meet up with choso. your dates became more frequent, even the casual texting continued. and yet you hadn’t really told your friends about your progress or how you felt about him, either brushing it off or giving them vague details. it was only natural that nobara and maki grew suspicious, vowing to grill you about it the next time you would meet up. “have you done the deed?”

“n- no! not yet,” you answered hastily, the topic still making you feel bashful. though you had talked to choso about it; he had agreed and hinted that you might go all the way the next time you would meet up. it was weird, scheduling something like this. but you felt more at ease knowing that it was approaching and you could somewhat prepare your nerves for it. “we talked about it though… next time, maybe?”

“i see,” maki nodded slowly, deep in thought. “you’ve been skirting around this escort thing a lot. is there something you’re hiding from us?”

“nope! not at all!”

“y/n… we’re looking out for you as friends. i know you told us that you trust choso and that he’s the nicest person you have ever but is there something more?” maki gave you a gentle nudge. the serious look in her eyes told you that you better not give her a lame excuse. even nobara, who was usually playful in nature, looked mildly concerned. as much concern as she could muster up anyways. sheepishly, you stared at your mug, watching the milk swirl with your hot chocolate. surely, they would tell you to stop seeing him, to stay away. because catching feelings for someone whose true feelings and self you could never uncover… should have been something you could have prevented. if only it hadn’t been so easy to give in, so easy to develop feelings for choso.

“uhm. i just realized that i like him, like a lot. i know i shouldn’t and should have circumvented the issue somehow but now i’m stuck with my feelings. and it’s just confusing. before you get mad at me, i’ve already decided to cut it off after our next date. i can’t dwell on it for too long because realistically, nothing is going to happen.”

wordlessly, nobara gave you a hug, patting your back to soothe you. “is he really that great though?” maki lightly swatted nobara’s arm and gave her an eyeroll. her comment made you laugh, she knew how to lighten up a situation.

“i think so. very gentleman-like and just takes good care of everything. i really appreciate how well he’s been taking care of me this entire time. he just is the perfect boyfriend, you know?” nobara nodded but you could tell from her face that she was trying to put the puzzle pieces together. it made you laugh again, pinching her cheek playfully. you didn’t want to worry your friends too much. they always helped you in every situation and now it was time you would take care of everything yourself.

“i can’t believe this entire time we were trying to find you a perfect partner and you’ve gone and went the whole nine yards, boyfriend experience and heartbreak all together,” maki joked and ruffled your hair, giving you a reassuring smile. “you know we’re there for you if you need emotional support in this, right? we might not be much of a help while you go through the fake breakup but we can help you take your mind off afterwards.”

you sniffled a little at the thought. your next date was fast approaching and you were grateful to have such great friends, who would always look out for you and be understanding even if you made dumb mistakes. your next step would be to learn how to mend a broken heart.

everything had to be perfect. the entire evening you had been on the move, busy cleaning your apartment and room and spending time in the bathroom making yourself look presentable. you still felt nervous exposing all of you to choso, never had anyone seen you naked before. the thought of it had made you so anxious that you’d called nobara who promptly suggested you wear cute underwear and something comfy to ease yourself into it. chances were that choso didn’t really care and wouldn’t judge you anyways; he had always been generous with compliments, always telling you how pretty you looked, how cute you were, and what a good girl you were for him. you didn’t think you could feel so fired up from praises nor did you think that you would be craving to hear them so much until choso came along. the feeling of euphoria that overtook you whenever he praised you, along with the pleasure he gave you whenever you were fooling around - it was a deadly combination.

knocks at the door made you perk up, hastily racing over to the door to let choso in. he chuckled when you immediately wrapped your arms around his waist and buried your face in his chest. “hey baby, missed me much, huh? i missed you too,” choso admitted, softly combing his fingers through your hair. you peeked up at him from below, closing your eyes as you leaned into his touch like a cat. “mhmm, missed you a lot,” you mumbled, humming in content as choso pecked your lips briefly before waddling inside the apartment with you in his arms, closing the door behind him

“what am i going to do with you?” he mumbled amused and sat down on the couch, pulling you onto his lap. he squished your cheeks between his hands, kissing your pouty lips with a broad smile. “you always make it so hard for me to leave.”

your heart sunk at his last words, remembering how you were planning to proceed by the end of this date. surely, it couldn’t be so hard and he wouldn’t think much of it since it was all business anyways. and yet, you couldn’t help but seize up with dread, not wanting to hurt him. if, and only if he would actually be affected by it. you placed your hands on his, sticking your tongue out at him. you teased him: “you leave but you always return, right? doesn’t that give you something to look forward to?”

“yeah, always come bouncing back…” choso trailed off, a faraway look on his face. you couldn’t tell what he was thinking - each emotion that surfaced was only fleeting and quickly wiped from his face expression as if it never existed in the first place. perhaps he was keeping his heart as guarded as yours, for baring the most vulnerable parts of yourself could be your downfall. he ran his hands along your thighs, rubbing the bare skin gently, fingers teasingly slipping under the hem of your shorts. your breath hitched in your throat, expecting him to move his hands up further. but by now, choso knew how to play you like a fiddle, what drew beautiful moans out of you, what made you whimper in anticipation and how to build up tension. he knew how to tease you and use it to his advantage; knew well that you would follow his instructions like the good girl that you were, never disappointing him. “gotta take care of my princess, hm?”

choso dipped down, brushing the strands of your hair out of the way, showering it in kisses. you mewled quietly, tilting your head to the side to allow him more access to your neck. he was still murmuring between kisses, telling you how sweet you were, how he was going to make you sing his name, how he was going to take care of you. the whispered praises were getting to your head, you easily melted into his touch. “c- choso,” you gasped, already drowning in him as his presence clouded your senses, wrapping around you as if nothing else but him existed. “please touch me.”

“your wish is my command,” choso lifted you up as if you weighed nothing, carrying you to your bedroom with ease. gently, he dropped you on the bed, simply hovering over you without saying a word. the look in his eyes knocked the air out of your lungs; you loved his eyes, his dark brown eyes that were filled with so much warmth and love, now darkened and filled with lust. he observed you, waiting for you to make a move - you stayed still, tense with anticipation. with every single intimate encounter you had with him, you gradually learned that choso enjoyed being in control, overjoyed when you were obedient and remembered what he had told you. he liked having you at his mercy, being the first and only one to discover the expanse of your body, to pleasure you in ways you were yet to familiarize yourself with.

choso’s tapped your lips, carefully sliding two fingers in when you willingly parted your lips and sucked on them. the weight of his fingers on your tongue, the dazed look on his eyes as he watched you - it was all so erotic, so arousing. you lifted your hips, grinding against his thighs for some kind of relief. it drew a slightly irritated click of the tongue from choso, gently pressing his fingers against your tongue. but he enjoyed the view, seeing how you wanted him so much, how you were seeking relief by humping his thigh. you could already feel yourself soaking through your panties and your thin shorts, arousal smearing across choso’s thigh and leaving a wet spot on his jeans.

pulling his fingers out of your mouth, he slid them down, lower and lower, smearing your spit across your skin. his fingers stopped right at the buttons of your blouse, playfully rolling them between his fingers. slowly, he unbuttoned the blouse, pushing the fabric off your shoulders to reveal your bra. you squirmed, suddenly feeling shy and embarrassed about being so exposed in front of him. “you’re beautiful,” choso reminded you. “don’t hide from me. i want to see all of you.”

reluctantly, you kept your arms at your sides, instead clenching your fingers around the fabric of your comforter. teasingly, his hands dragged across the tops of your breasts before dipping lower. “look at you, how soaked you are already. you’ve even left a spot on my jeans. i haven’t even touched you properly yet… has my princess missed me this much?” he mused, gently rubbing circles across your skin. he was careful not to move anywhere close to your crotch, resolutely keeping his hand near your navel.

“yes, please touch me,” you mewled, grasping his hand to guide him towards the hem of your shorts. his hand splayed across your mound, rubbing in deliberately slow movements, making you sigh in relief. choso tugged on your shorts, dragging them down your legs with ease. you clenched your eyes shut, hiding your face behind your hands. choso stayed silent for a few seconds and simply admired you in the dim light of your room. he could tell that you'd chosen a nice set of underwear to impress him - you looked so cute in it, like a present waiting to be unwrapped. he took notice of the dark patch on the crotch of your panties, how they were clinging onto your skin and how your arousal was glistening on your inner thighs.

"you look breathtaking," choso complimented you, gently removing your hands from your face. "i told you not to hide, didn't i? give me all of you, baby."

you blinked a few times, sheepishly thanking him. his praises overwhelmed you, making your chest swell with pride. but still, you didn't know how to react when he was singing your praises, too bashful to reply coherently. choso removed your panties in painstakingly slow movements, leaving trails of kisses on your inner thighs up to your ankle. throwing your panties to the floor, he then pulled your legs over his shoulders. you watched him bewildered, not sure what to make of it. the position made you feel oddly exposed; all of your senses were heightened, strained to focus on choso only. the oversensitivity caused your hips to jerk when choso’s breath hit your pussy, keen on receiving attention. the swipe of his tongue on your slit was something you didn’t expect - the sensation was new, uncharted territory, so different from his fingers. it drew a whimper from your lips, making your toes curl against his back.

languidly, he was lapping at your folds, taking his time to get you used to the feeling. it wasn’t until his tongue dragged across your clit, lips wrapping around it to suck gently, that whines and whimpers spilled forth from your lips. your hips automatically lurched forward, rocking against his face. you couldn’t wrap your head around the pleasure it provided you, how it rendered you into a babbling mess with only his name on your lips like some mantra. needing to busy your hands otherwise, you clenched your fingers around his hair, subconsciously pressing his face into your pussy. choso groaned against you, the slight burn turning him on beyond relief. you felt like you’re floating, higher and higher, rapidly approaching your high and it was still a feeling you’re trying to get used to, a feeling that you readily welcomed and craved.

it was a combination of all the touches that bring you closer to the edge; how he was sucking at your clit before flattening his tongue against your clit, paying close attention to it, how it was repeatedly and rapidly dragging across your folds. it made you sob, begging him to make you cum. choso pulled you even closer, fingers digging into your thighs as he lapped at your swollen clit, again and again until you come with a loud moan, barch arching from the bed, heels digging into choso’s shoulder blades. clenching your eyes shut, you attempted to push his face away from you, now feeling too sensitive. your legs were trembling uncontrollably, you gasped for air as your high washes over you and slowly ebbing away. choso sat up on his knees and only then you see the arousal smeared across his chin and lips. the sight sent electric shocks up your spine, breath hitching in your throat. he looked so fucking hot like this. he gave you no time to be embarrassed about it, wiping the slick off his skin and licking it off his hands.

“c- choso, what-” you croaked, voice all raspy from your relentless moaning. choso didn’t reply, instead kissed you open mouthed - the taste of your arousal was still present on his tongue. in the back of your mind, you thought about how dirty it was and yet so thrilling, eliciting a hunger for him. desperately, you were tugging at his shirt, trying to get it off. you were struggling, huffing in frustration as he didn’t budge. choso laughed, pecking your lips apologetically before taking it off along with his pants. even in the dim light you could make out the bulge in his pants, a testament of much he wanted you. the sight made you salivate, your pussy clenching around nothing. he took notice of your dazed look, grabbing your chin to tilt it up. “are you sure you want this? do you want me?”

you nodded quickly, eyes widening at his question. “of course, i want you, never wanted anything more. please, choso.”

“you have me, all of me,” he retorted, a tender look in his eyes. again, your heart clenched. just one more time you would get to see him like this, pretend he really was your lover. but when he looked at you with so much adoration in his eyes, it was hard to believe that there wasn’t a spark between you. unbeknownst to you, choso had always looked at you with stars in his eyes, hoping that you would return the sentiment. no matter how hard he was keeping his feelings at bay, the cracks were widening, allowing more and more feelings to seep through. with each touch, each word that you exchanged, the dam was weakening and threatening to spill everything that he was keeping inside.

choso gently pressed you back down onto the mattress, fingers fumbling with the condom that he’d pulled out of his jeans. you watched with fascination as he put it on, not being able to take your gaze of it. he grinned, deciding to indulge you, pressing his cock against you. arousal was still leaking from you, allowing him to easily slide against you. deliberately, he nudged the head against your clit until you couldn’t take it anymore. you wiggled your hips, signaling him to do something, do put you out of your misery. choso glanced at you for permission, suddenly seeming to be nervous himself. you gave him a small nod, leaning up to cradle his cheeks and kiss him. choso began to push, slowly slipping past your folds and- the stretching burn, it was there again and made you tense up.

choso grasped your hands, intertwining them and showered your face with kisses, whispering sweet nothings and encouragement. the feeling was familiar and yet strange at the same time, the girth of his fingers were nothing compared to his cock. it was a tight fit; you were aware of him, so aware of him. muffled, you heard choso telling you to relax, that he didn’t want to hurt you, to take your time. he was still pushing, distracting you from the uncomfortable pain with kisses. with one last thrust, he’s pushed the entirety of him in you. faintly, you could feel pain gradually ebbing away. the fullness of him, the throbbing; you clenched around him, a quiet moan leaving your lips as choso’s hips jerk in response.

“you okay? can i move now?” he whispered against your lips. you nodded, feeling choso smile against your lips. your breath hitched in anticipation as he pulls out ever so slightly before thrusting back in. you let out a whimper at the sudden thrum of incoming pleasure, hands squeezing his. choso thrusted his length in and out of you slowly, still wanting you to get used to it. the drag of it against your walls, the way his cock ever so slightly bumped against that spot inside of you that made your body sing - you sobbed out his name, hips tilting up to meet his movements. choso had no qualms obliging to your unspoken wants, upping the pace once he’s made sure you felt comfortable.

slowly, his inhibitions fell apart upon seeing you desperately cling onto him, moaning out his name as he pulled out and drove back in, deeper than before. you saw stars when he hit the spot inside of you, burying himself inside of you completely. it’s been a short amount of time but choso was quick to figure out what made you shake in pleasure in particular, memorizing every little nudge and wiggle that would have you gasp out his name. the closeness, the intimacy, it easily beat everything else that you’ve ever done before but it was now that you realized that no one could compare to choso. while your initial goal was to simply learn and gain some experience, somewhere along the way, you veered off the path. perhaps your goal was never to find out what it was like engaging in sexual activities but rather to experience it with someone you loved. it was then that you realized you didn’t care about these things unless you could experience them with choso.

while choso was no stranger to having people in his bed, the sight of you was one he would never be able to get out of his head again. how your moans and whimpers were getting more frequent with each thrust, how you were sobbing his name whenever he hit particularly deep inside of you, how your small hands were holding onto his, how you clenched around him whenever he praised you. he wanted to keep you for himself, to impale himself in you in such ways that you could never look at other people the same way anymore. “i- i’m close,” you hiccuped between sobs, back lurching from the bed. “choso, p- please, i wanna cum, i-”

“i’ve got you, princess,” he assured you, diving down to kiss you feverishly. relentlessly, his hips pistoned against yours, desperate to make you cum. choso couldn’t hold back any longer, he was close, so close. wanting to cum with you, he reached down to rub your clit. your reaction was almost instantaneous, legs pressing against his side as you came, his name on your lips like a prayer. he came with you, burying his face in the crook of your neck as groans left his lips, mixed with your name and curses. his hips stuttered as they pressed against you one last time, staying in place until he’s spilled all of him in the condom. you felt like you were floating, still dazed from the intensity of your orgasm. absentmindedly, you wrapped your arms around his neck, hand absentmindedly playing with the hair at his nape. choso let out a noise, akin to a cat’s purr, nudging his head against your hand. his gesture made you giggle and you strained your neck to press a kiss against his forehead.

slowly, choso removed himself from you, letting out a breathy laugh as you protested. you made grabby hands at him but he simply tutted, disappearing in the bathroom to dispose of the condom and came back with a wet towel. it felt comforting, the warmth of the towel as well as his gentle touches, lulling you into a sleepy state. it didn’t take long for him to join you again once he was done, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest like the countless times he’s done so before. “how are you feeling? i didn’t hurt you, did i?”

you shook your head, trying to find the right words. in the end, nothing came into your mind to appropriately tell him how mind blowingly good he made you feel so you just settle with: “felt good, really good. didn’t hurt, jus’ felt uncomfortable at first. but you made it okay, it’s okay when it’s with you.”

“i see,” choso let out a relieved breath, laughing as you blinked at him stunned. you looked adorable, still floating and coming down from your high. “i’m glad i was your first, glad i could do it justice. just wanted you to feel good.”

“mhmm, thank you,” you slurred sleepily, arms wrapping around his waist. you felt so warm and loved, not wanting to let go of the feeling just yet. “can we do it again some other day? you promised to show me what you still wanted to do to me.”

“y/n, sweetheart, when will you be coming to visit us again? i know it’s your summer break right now and you’re busy but we thought it might be nice to go on a short family trip. what do you think?” your mother pleaded over the phone. you could see her pout on the screen, her attempt at guilt tripping you into visiting more. truthfully, you felt bad about not having been able to see your family so much - the amount of assignments and final exams was swamping you and you just wanted to get through them before going on vacation. that and the fact that you couldn’t properly look them in the eyes anymore ever since being with choso.

you just couldn’t let go of him, nor could you admit your feelings to him, in fear it would make him uncomfortable. it was irrational, reckless even, to keep paying for a service you technically didn’t need anymore. simply to keep a person you had feelings for around for longer. nobara and maki didn’t know about this either, you knew they would have your head as soon as you confessed. it was irrational and you knew it. and yet it was so hard to let go. with every waking moment, you craved choso, his tenderness and loving gaze, the warmth of his arms, the domesticity that the two of you shared, how natural it seemed when you spent time together. and so you kept returning to him, over and over again

“i’m sorry, mum, i’m just really busy right now. but i promise i’ll let you know when i’m free, okay? i’m sure we can find a fitting date for the trip,” you attempted to soothe your mother, giving her an apologetic smile. she rolled her eyes at you playfully but shrugged it off, knowing that you didn’t mean anything by it. before you could tell her goodbye, your mother suddenly stopped you, waving at the screen.

“sweetheart, one of my friends- her son, i told him about you. he’s a very nice young man and i think you would get along well. when you come visit us, i’ll introduce him to you, yeah?” she explained, a giddy smile creeping onto her lips. “i’ve told him a little about you and your father doesn’t mind either. he has a good background too, i’m trying not to swoon.” she giggled as if she was the one who was to be set up on a date with him.

your eyes widened ever so slightly at her revelation but what shocked you more was that choso had seemingly heard what your mother had said. he was still sleeping when your mother had called you, so you hid in the kitchen to talk, not wanting to disturb his sleep. he stood in the doorway, blinking at you confused. you made sure to turn a little so your mother couldn’t see him. “mum, i told you i’m not really interested yet and want to go at my own pace-”

“honey, i know but the opportunity was just there. i couldn’t pass it up and you can still reject him, no? just try to meet him at least once.”

you sighed. “we’ll talk about it again when i’m home, okay? but don’t put too much hope in it, please.”

“i know, i know. i’ll talk to you again another day. love you, sweetheart,” your mum said goodbye to you and hung up. you groaned, tossing your phone to the side and buried your face in your hands. choso was not supposed to hear any of that. even though you two weren’t really in a relationship, and he had assured you that he wasn’t sleeping with anyone else, keeping his work at accompanying clients only, you still felt like you were somewhat betraying him. you felt choso’s presence moving behind you, then his arms wrapping around you, his chin being placed on your head. you couldn’t see the slightly irritated look in his eyes, the jealous glint that told you he didn’t want you to look at anyone but him.

“your mum seems to be eager to find you a partner,” he commented amused. you groaned, swatting at his arm.

“i don’t know why they’re suddenly so persistent after not deeming anyone as suitable for years,” grumbling, you turned slightly, pressing a kiss to choso’s chin. “i’m not really in the mood to go on dates just yet, so she’ll have to deal with it.”

“not in the mood for dates?” choso echoed, pinching your cheek. “not even with me?”

you whined, burying your face in his chest. you didn’t want to let him see how his words excited you. “no, i’m always in the mood for you, for dates with you.”

“that’s good to know. we’re going out later after all,” choso laughed, combing his fingers through your hair. “i did promise to take you to the beach and teach you how to surf.”

one of the reasons you didn’t come visit your parents immediately when your summer break began was because you’d already planned a short trip with choso. weeks ago choso had proposed you’d go to the beach together and you were thrilled by the idea, not having been by the sea in years. you’d rented a little cabin by the beach for the two of you while choso had prepared everything for the car ride. the car ride would be rather long but you weren’t worried about it at all - in the beginning, you’d been apprehensive, rather awkward with him. he eased you into everything, showing you not to be scared of relationships and to just be yourself. conversation was easy with him as if you’d been long term friends, with no worries or restrictions. for weeks, you’d looked forward to the trip, to spend more time with him.

the car ride was filled with laughter and calming music, you shared stories and secrets with each other, you fed him the snacks that you’d made the night before. you felt blissful, happily ignoring all the consequences that might be coming your way - you wanted to enjoy your time with him as much as you could. the dance that the two of you were engaging in, it was romantic and felt so domestic, while skirting around the important issue. inspecting your intertwined hands, you clasped your other free hand around his, rubbing the skin gently. choso shot you a concerned, questioning look but you brushed him off, assuring that nothing was wrong. “i’m just happy to be sharing this uh… boyfriend experience with you, really. i wouldn’t wanna do it with someone else.”

choso shot you a wistful smile, lifting your hand to press a kiss on it. “i’m glad you feel that way. you deserve only the best, someone who treats you like the princess that you are.”

the feeling of the grainy sand below you, wind blowing your hair in every direction, sun on your skin, water splashing against your shins - you felt like suddenly all your worries were washed away. you were still running through the shallow water, giggling as you saw choso catching up on you. upping your speed, you jumped through the water until he managed to grab you by your wrist, pulling you into his chest. he lifted you up, twirling you around in his arms a few times before setting you back on your feet, leaning in to kiss you. “you can’t just run away like that, all our stuff is still stranded over there,” he scolded you, playfully flicking your forehead. you glanced behind you, seeing how choso had already placed all the towels, cooler and bags on the beach chairs.

“it’s okay, we have the beach to ourselves anyways,” you retorted cheekily. choso couldn’t argue, instead rolled his eyes. the beach house that you had rented for the weekend was on the outskirts of the city, a rather quiet spot that also had a private beach. the paranoia that your parents might possibly spot you somewhere was running deep and so you didn’t want to risk anything. choso could teach you how to surf in peace, without any bystanders or crowded spaces. but now that you were sitting on the beach chair, you noticed that choso’s mind seemed to be elsewhere as he clumsily fumbled with the bags. you gnawed at your bottom lip, hoping that your earlier conversation with your mother wasn’t on his mind.

“you okay there? can i help you with anything?”

“huh? yeah,” choso answered after a second of processing, shaking his head. “uh i just get distracted looking at you. you look good in that bikini.”

“oh shut up,” you retorted but hid your face from him, still growing bashful even though you were used to him complimenting you out of nowhere. he shot you a wink, resuming his work. “but… choso, you can talk to me if anything bothers you, you know that?”

“yeah, i know… but don’t worry, i think this is something i have to figure out for myself first before i tell anyone,” he padded over, kissing your forehead. “but i appreciate it.”

deciding to drop the topic, you joined him, watching how he demonstrated his surfing skills. if he didn’t want to talk about it, you would respect it; and maybe, just maybe, he would open up to you about it. you watched as choso surfed through the waves, the sight filling you with bright happiness. he looked so happy to be surfing again, the usual tired look on his face wiped away as if it had never been there in the first place. he looked like he was truly at home, comforted and surrounded by the crashing waves. you understood what he meant by being distracted - choso looked good in his trunks as well, the water drops that were rolling down his body, his exposed upper body, the way his loose, slightly damp hair was falling over his face. you very much enjoyed the sight and almost felt creepy for staring so much.

as per usual, choso was a wonderful teacher, remaining calm and patient while he gave you instructions, comforting you when you weren’t doing so well and was always right by your side encouraging you. you hadn’t had this much fun in a while, especially not with someone other than from your close friend circle. it was easy to lose the track of time when being with him, all your thoughts and anxieties washed away like the seashells at the shore. by the end of the day, you were utterly exhausted, your muscles feeling like jelly. as you laid on the bed, you still felt like you were rocked and swayed back and forth by the waves. it was relaxing, almost lulling you into a deep slumber if it wasn’t for the sound of the running shower and choso’s humming. you opened the window, before returning to bed, wrapping the blanket around you. the sound of waves sloshing against the shore echoed through the room, making you feel like you were actually sleeping at the beach.

it didn’t take long for choso to return; you felt the bed dip beside you before you heard him. pretending to be asleep, you waited until he said anything but were instead greeted with a kiss on your nape. you squirmed a little, the feelings of his lips tickling the sensitive skin. a giggle broke from your lips, unable to stay silent any longer. “did i make you wait for too long?” he asked quietly, grabbing you by the hips to turn you around to face him. you shook your head and gave him a smile, leaning in to peck his lips. “no but i did miss you. did i tell you that i now get what you meant by being distracted? you looked really hot in your trunks and so serious while giving me instructions.”

“ah, really?” choso hovered over you, placing his hands beside your head. you’d only offered simple compliments but he was already so fired up, making you grin. “you can’t just tell me that and expect me not to do anything. don’t you know that i’m always hungry for you? i’ll ravish you right here.”

“what if i want you to ravish me?” you bravely retorted, your voice slightly cracking at the end. rarely were you ever bold with him but at this moment, you might as well indulge him. as an reward for teaching you how to surf and being so patient about it. choso clicked with his tongue, pleased with your reply. before he could move, you suddenly felt an urge to go further, wanting to be the one to initiate intercourse for once. you placed your hands on his chest, pushing gently. he looked at you confused, cocking his head to the side. if it wasn’t for the hungry look in his eyes, you would’ve cooed at how adorable he looked. “uhm can i… suck you off for today? i mean you’re always the one who- who makes me feel so good and i know you said you liked it but i just wanted to return the favour…”

choso short circuited at your request, momentarily leaving his mouth wide open as he stared at you. “y- yeah of course, if that’s what you want,” he spluttered hastily, sitting up on his knees. feeling giddy, you shuffled off the bed, positioning yourself at the edge of the bed and waiting for him to move. choso gulped, slowly moving towards the edge. he leaned down to kiss you, your hands snaked towards the waistband of his sweatpants, some doubt overcame you again, slowing your movements. sensing your hesitation, he patted your head and ruffled your hair. “you don’t have to do it, if you feel too nervous about it.”

“no, i want to, really,” you assured him, grasping the waistband and dragging it down. choso lifted his hips slightly, helping you remove his pants. his boxers followed soon after. gently, you wrapped your hands around his semi-hard cock, giving it some gentle strokes. choso exhaled shakily, leaning back on his hands as he kept his watchful eyes on you. you leaned in, flattening your tongue against the underside, running your tongue over the underside, tracing it until you reached the cockhead. gingerly, you gave it a few kitten licks before wrapping your lips around it. hands still stroking him, you delved in, taking as much as much as you could. choso tilted his head back, moaning loudly. it spurred you on, eagerly you bopped your head against him, paying close attention to the sensitive head as you licked and sucked at it. curiously, you licked the slit, tasting the precum on it. the taste was unfamiliar, nothing like you’d ever had before but you weren’t sure what to make of it. but you weren’t grossed out by it, thankfully.

choso’s hips jerked when you touched a particularly sensitive spot, not being able to control his own body anymore. usually, he was more composed, holding himself back for the sake of you - immediately, he stopped and apologized, staring at you with wide eyes. “fuck, i’m so sorry, that wasn’t meant to happen. did i hurt you?” he cupped your cheek, guiltily examining you.

“‘m okay, don’t worry about it. it just surprised me a little, that’s all. but if it’s what you like… i uh, don’t mind,” you reassured him.

“f- fuck, you can’t just say that because i will and-”

“like i said, i don’t mind. i want to make you feel good too.” reluctantly, choso nodded and relaxed again, letting you proceed. you were eager to make him cum, enthusiastically moving your head along the shaft. you welcomed choso’s shallow thrusts, glancing up to watch his reactions. his skin was beautifully flushed, eyes were closed, groans muffled as he bit his bottom lip. you struggled to take his cock in deeper, instead wrapping your hands around the parts you couldn’t reach. when choso’s thrusts got sloppier, you could tell that he was getting close.

“y/n, fuck- i’m gonna- wait, you-” unable to finish his sentence, he moaned, hips stuttering again as you swirled your tongue around the sensitive tip. you suckled on his length eagerly, hands pumping the base faster and choso couldn’t keep it in any longer, coming with a loud moan. you continued suckling on the tip, helping him through his orgasm until he’s spilled all of him in your mouth. sitting back on your knees, you removed yourself from him.

eyes wide and glossy, you looked up at him as he pulled away slightly so he could look at you. choso brushed your hair back, then lifted your chin up, tapping your bottom lip. "show me," he said in a low, hoarse voice, patiently waiting until you opened your mouth and showed him. showed him his cum that was still pooling on your tongue. a few seconds passed until he finally reacted - just the sight of you on your knees, obediently following his orders and showing him your work had his insides stirring with something dark, possessive. "swallow," he whispered, adoringly cupping your cheek as you eagerly swallowed. your face felt hot, whether by embarrassment or pride, you didn't know. quietly cursing, he pulled you up while leaning down, meeting your lips halfway.

unceremoniously, choso dropped you on the bed, making you giggle quietly as you bounced on the mattress. hovering over you, he captured your lips in yet another kiss. you wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him to your body. choso pressed his groin against yours, experimentally rolling his hips to elicit a reaction from you. burying your face into the crook of his neck, you couldn’t help but writhe from the pleasure - and even though you’ve been sleeping with each other, you still felt too shy to ask him for… more. how could you express what exactly you wanted when you were craving all of him? when you wanted to engrave everything into your brain; the feeling of his body against yours, his touch, the sweet as well as the dirty words he whispered into your ear. it was almost unfair how easily he could draw a reaction from you, as if he’d memorized every little aspect about you already.

choso nipped at your neck, about to leave a mark when you frantically pushed at his chest. “no visible marks, i told you!” you reminded him, almost feeling bad when you saw his disappointed face. but rules were rules, you didn’t want your parents to find out you were sneaking around with someone; you were barely able to look into their eyes as is. he huffed against your neck, burying his face in the crook of your neck in frustration. seconds passed without a reaction before he finally sat up on his knees, hands reaching out to tug on your shirt. “but everywhere else is fine, hm?” he mused, dragging his warm hands across your chest to your shoulder to push the fabric off.

“i- i guess,” you spluttered, barely having any time to react as he’s already moved on, lavishing your breasts with kisses while leaving a trail of hickeys on them. you whimpered, hips rolling up against his. through your panties, you could feel the outlines of his cock; the anticipation of him filling you up made you salivate. choso was quick to remove your panties and rolling a condom on upon hearing your desperate whimpers that were urging him to move faster. no matter how many times you’d already slept together, he could never get enough of you - you made him feel like a teenager again, like he was constantly insatiable and hungry for you. judging from the look in your eyes, you seemed to feel the same way.

choso angled his cock against your entrance before sinking in, moaning in unison with you. he grasped your hands, pinning them against the pillows as you reached out, trying to touch him. you sobbed in disappointment, just wanting to feel him but choso was having none of it. the complaint was quickly forgotten when he started thrusting, the sound of his hips smacking against yours filling the room. he was diligent, hitting that spot inside you over and over again, enjoying how your legs that were wrapped around his waist were trembling. you were drowning, drowning in him, in the pleasure he so graciously provided you. choso painted your chest with marks, placing them dangerously close to where they would be peeking out underneath clothes. he knew you didn’t want anyone to see them but fuck, he wanted people to keep their hands away from you, wanted them to know that you were his.

you sung his praises, hips quickly bucking against his as he buries himself in you to the hilt. he filled you up so well, always dragging against your walls so deliciously. almost feral, choso fucked you harder, putting all his frustrations and emotions into the strength of his thrusts. it left you feeling breathless, clenching around him hard as you climbed higher and higher. never had choso fucked you like this before, like he was trying to prove something - you sobbed, tears springing forth from the intensity. it felt good, so good and you wanted to cum so bad, wanted to release. the pleasant warmth was spreading throughout your body, almost unbearably hot as you neared your climax. it erupted within you explosively, leaving you writhing in a babbling, incoherent mess. for many moments, your orgasm wrecked through you, making you see white and stars. in your euphoria, you didn’t notice how choso had cummed with you, whispering sweet praises in your ear as he rode you through your high. you didn’t notice how he disappeared, returning with a wet towel as per usual, how he kisses away the tears at the corner of your eyes. through your hazy mind, you could tell that he wrapped the blanket around you before disappearing again.

it took you a while to return back to your senses, marvelling about the sex you just had. what had possessed choso in that moment? could it be because you’d offered to suck him off? or was he so pent up the entire day? the click of the door made you lift your head towards the source of the sound, cooing when you saw choso padding towards you. he yawned quietly, crawling under the blanket and wrapping his arms around you. "exhausted?" you questioned him, nuzzling into him.

"mhmm, i feel like i could sleep in until noon tomorrow," as usual, he ran his fingers along your spine, drawing shapes on your back. sometimes you thought you could feel him spelling something out on your skin but the touches were always so fleeting that it was impossible for you to make it out. whatever it was, he must've been too wary or scared to share it with you. you were reminded of your earlier conversation - choso still hadn't said anything so you wanted to bring it up, not wanting any issues to arise between you.

"choso? do you want to talk about what was wrong earlier? i know you said you wanted to think about it, but i was wondering…"

choso interrupted you. "are you going to go on a date with the guy that your mum mentioned this morning?"

you shot him a bewildered look. so he had been thinking about it. you hesitated, not sure what to tell him. should you be upfront and tell him how you feel? or give him a mild version, so he didn't feel cornered by you?

"i'm… i'm not sure yet. the thought of going on a date with someone else is kind of daunting but i think i'll do it just so my mum's happy."

"i see." uncomfortable silence seeped between the two of you. you could tell that choso was irritated, the frown on his face clearly indicating it. and yet, he didn't elaborate, leaving you to figure out what he meant by that. not daring to move, you stayed still, waiting for him to continue. choso sighed, placing his forehead against yours. "i think this is selfish of me but i can't stand the thought of seeing you with someone else. i wish… i wish it was only me that you looked at."

"you don't want me to go on a date with him?"

"yeah. i- i can't tell you why that is. it's selfish and dumb, hence why i didn't want to tell you. and it's not something that you should worry about. i'm just your escort after all, there's nothing more between us."

his words stung. even though it was the truth, the words still stung, driving a knife right into your heart. it was the very thing that nobara and maki had warned you about. but here you were, heart breaking in a million pieces. perhaps it was the fact that choso didn't tell you the reason, didn't seem to trust you with it, that made you recoil immediately. the walls around your heart were immediately put back into place, safeguarding you from any further harm. he wasn’t obligated to tell you anything and you knew that - there was probably also another reason why he felt that way. any further digging would probably make him recoil as well, it wouldn’t do you any good. whatever was growing between you, it had to stop now. choso simply saw you as a client, probably had been this entire time. again, you were reminded of the fact that he might have been acting this entire time, none of the affection he showed you ever being real.

“i- yeah… i guess,” you replied dejectedly, looking away from him. “i’ll figure it out with him, don’t worry. i’ll just keep my mum happy with it, there’s nothing more to it.”

choso bit his lip, refraining from replying to it any further. you already knew more than you were ever supposed to, he should have never let it slip that he didn’t like seeing you with other potential love interests. it pained him to keep this hidden, keep it a secret from you - but the less you knew, the better. he couldn’t imagine you being okay with being in a relationship with him while he was still an escort, nor did he think that your parents would be thrilled about it. from what you’d revealed to him, he could tell that they treasured you and wanted to minimize any possible harm as much as possible. and that included hand-picking a suitable partner for you. he might never be what your parents envisioned for you and he might never become your love interest so every session that you booked was a blessing to him.

sighing, he placed one last kiss on your cheek before wishing you a good night. but even when he closed his eyes and tried to sleep, he was wide awake, not being able to stop the onslaught of thoughts.

weeks passed without you ever contacting choso again. your resolve would have never been this strong, hadn’t nobara intervened. while you were moping and still feeling restless, helpless even, she made sure to delete his number and made you take care of the bills before cutting off contact entirely. normally, she would have commented on it - but seeing how you were struggling through your first heartbreak, she decided to let it be. and because maki wouldn’t have hesitated to have her head if you’d ever snitched. maki had encouraged you to take your mind off things, dragging you along to some of the sports classes she attended. it did lift your mood ever so slightly, much to your surprise, it was more fun that you’d originally anticipated. maki attended so many different classes that seemed so intense that you were scared to join at first. in between the classes, you spent more time with your friends. gradually you opened up to them, explaining them the entire issue with choso and how you had struggled to let go. you told them one by one, until it was finally time to let megumi know.

out of everyone, megumi scared you the most - not because he was intimidating or violent but because you knew how he would react. he’d most definitely be upset about it because he was protective over his friends, not wanting them to be harmed in any way. you’d pleaded that at least nobara should tag along to knock some sense into him, should he snap - but megumi’s reaction surprised you. when you finished your story, he was awfully quiet. you assumed he was boiling in anger, reaching out to appease him but he was frowning, making a contemplative face. “uh listen, i think that choso’s yuuji’s brother.”

“he’s what?” nobara’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. megumi had recently started going out with someone that he’d met during work and though he hadn’t introduced you to said person yet, you did know that his name was yuuji.

“yuuji’s brother. i haven’t met him yet but he’s been complaining about his brother for weeks now,” megumi explained, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “choso’s an escort, right? it has to be yuuji’s brother. i’ve stayed over at yuuji’s place a couple of times… yuuji was venting, asking me about advice on how to get his brother out of a rut. apparently, choso’s been affected by this uh… somewhat breakup as well. yuuji’s suggested to him that he should reach out to you to talk but he said something about his work and your parents...”

“huh. what an interesting coincidence…” nobara mumbled but narrowed her eyes at you. “but you’re not going back to him, right?”

all the blood in your body froze. why had choso brought up your parents? they had never been a part of your relationship, you had only told him how overprotective they were and how they liked choosing your partners and friends for you. could it be?

“no, i don’t think so. i’m… very conflicted about our feelings to each other. it was stupid to give into my feelings for him in the first place. i hired someone to act as my fake boyfriend, someone who does this for a living. i think they know better than to catch feelings for their clients,” you sighed frustrated, shaking your head. there was no way in hell this situation could ever turn back around, even if you now knew that choso had also been affected. and still, he never reached out to me, you thought bitterly.

“i think you should talk it out though, if he does reach out to you,” megumi chimed in, awkwardly patting your shoulder in an attempt to comfort you. “from what yuuji’s told me, it does seem like his feelings are genuine. he didn’t outright push you away, right? who knows what could happen?”

in the end, you couldn’t help but confess to your parents. secrets were bound to be revealed one way or another and you figured it was better you opened up before they found out from someone else. the uncomfortable silence that spread through your apartment created a gloomy atmosphere; the tension was thick and palpable, making you shuffle in your seat in unease. your father hadn’t uttered any word while your mother had completely lost it, not understanding why you hadn’t instead chosen one of the boys she’d always introduced you to.

“all this time you were seeing this boy? and not once did you let us know. i could have asked my friend if they knew someone, their sons are so nice-”

“mum, i already told you i wanted to find someone on my own without having my options being presented to me on a silver plate. and you’re always so disappointed when i end up rejecting them after going through all of the hassle,” you interrupted her, giving her a defiant look. it wasn’t often that you opposed your parents like this but you felt like it was needed - your mother didn’t understand you, nor did she try. you were an adult, for fuck’s sake. you were very much capable of making your own decisions and mistakes to learn from.

“and yet you went to hire an escort! why didn’t you go and meet some of your classmates? i don’t understand why you went such lengths and then even ended up falling in love with them! how would you even pursue a relationship with them?” your mother seethed at you, knuckles blanching from how hard she was gripping her handbag. your father placed a hand on hers, whispering some soothing words in her ear.

“darling, i think y/n knows well that she’s made a mistake and is hurting from it. we don’t need to add to the stress, do we?” he assured her, then looking at you. “y/n, you know that i’m disappointed in you as well. but i don’t blame you for it, i think it’s partly my fault that you felt the need to hire an escort just to… gain some experience. i did take away all your possibilities of a relationship after all…”

“don’t encourage her! this problem won’t just be solved by you spoiling her again, do you know what kind of consequences it could h-”

a loud knock interrupted your mother’s rambling. you were confused - you didn’t expect anyone else for today. it was too late for someone to bring packages. who could it be? you excused yourself, padding towards the door to see who it was. you swore that you briefly suffered from a heart attack when the door swung open to reveal choso. he stared at you equally as stunned, seemingly not having expected you to open and greet him. “w- what are you doing here?” you asked, hating how shaky your voice sounded. how your heart soared, having missed his presence around you. the feelings had never been properly buried, only hidden by a thin layer of pretense that was now quickly being washed away.

“i’m sorry for just turning up unannounced… i was hoping- hoping to be able to talk to you for a bit? i wanted to explain myself,” choso replied, unaware of the two persons in your apartment that were straining their necks to be able to get a look at him.

you groaned. why now? the timing was just too comical, fate must really hate you. “i’m sorry, my parents are here right now. maybe, another t-”

“aha, so this is the boy my daughter has been sleeping with,” your mother appeared behind you, snarling at choso maliciously. panicking, your father had followed her quickly, holding her back by her arm. “you have some nerve appearing here as if nothing happened, what is it that you-”

“darling.” your father cleared his voice, shooting daggers at her. “there’s no need to be rude.”

swiftly, he introduced himself and your mother to choso, politely shaking his hand. choso remained calm, as usual, and introduced himself as well. if he was shocked by the entire ordeal, he sure didn’t show it. his face remained a perfect poker face, no emotions seeping through. “i wanted to talk to your daughter, ma’am. i assume she’s told you about our relationship and how we broke apart. there is no ulterior motive here, i just wanted to explain myself and talk it out.”

“that’s-!”

your father interrupted your mother again, not giving her another opportunity to spit venom at choso. “i think that is a good idea. though she has not opened up about everything, i can tell that she is hurting as much as you are. i believe a discussion would be very productive. but what is your intention? what are you going to do once you’ve explained yourself?”

suddenly, you felt like you were forgotten or invisible in the entire discussion. were they ignoring you? you were standing right there and yet no one was addressing you. you huffed, trying to pull their focus back on you. “nothing’s gonna happen, dad. there was nothing for us to work with and there won’t be.”

choso felt like he’d been slapped. he didn’t know what to make of your reaction but he came here for one reason only: to give you the closure that you deserved and he wasn’t going to leave until he accomplished just that. “i intend to apologize to her. judging from your wife’s reaction, you don’t seem to like me very much. i can’t imagine you would ever accept me, i know i don’t live up to your standards. i don’t deserve your daughter, she deserves so much more than what i can offer. and i’m aware of it. but if she’s willing to have me, i’ll try my very best to live up to your standards, to prove myself to you. i just want to be with her and make her happy. i’m in love with her and that’s what i intended to tell her.”

your heart stopped at his confession. all this time, choso loved you? megumi had been right all along. choso returned your feelings and he was here, so close and yet so far. dread filled you as you realized your parents could possibly drive him away, make him disappear from your life with just a snap of their fingers. you cherished choso more than you were aware of, the adoration running deep in your veins even when you were trying to reject him.

“i see. that’s reason enough for me. we’ve already let her have a piece of our mind, i don’t think she needs more telling off. my little girl has grown so much and it’s time to let her make her own decisions, growing and mistakes,” your father shot your mother a look. she’d calmed down, choso’s explanation seemingly having brought her back to her senses. she looked away, not wanting to look him in the eyes. “we’ll let you deal with this. but know that if she does take you back, i won’t go easy on you, alright? the bars are high and i don’t intend to lower them just because you love her. prove to me, that you’re worthy of her.”

“i will,” choso sounded so sure and confident that it made your father grin - you sure had found someone who took great care of you and wasn’t afraid to stand tall in front of your father. and that he liked, someone who wasn’t scared to back down from a challenge, someone who would be the perfect partner for you. as your parents said goodbye and left, he gave choso a pat on the shoulder before exiting the apartment, leaving the two of you to your own devices.

you didn’t know what to say, how to start. standing in the hallway was awkward but you couldn’t move just yet, instead wanting to hear what he had to say first. “you love me?” you croaked, your voice failing you. now that your parents were gone, you could freely show your emotions, not being able to hold the tears back any longer. choso panicked, fussing over you as you started to cry. furiously, you wiped the tears away with the sleeves of your sweater.

“i do. i uhm wish i had found a better way to tell you this. i figured that you probably thought that everything we did was simply a facade but i promise you that it was all real. i don’t know when exactly but i started falling for you along the way and it was hard… to remind myself that you were a client and i was just there to provide the service to you, you know? i had no right to get mad at you if you decided to go and see other people. and i wasn’t sure of your feelings for me, it was…” choso trailed off, struggling to find the right word but you knew what he meant and nodded, signaling him to continue. “i just didn’t want to tie you to me when you… when you might not like me back or even want to be with an escort.”

you sniffled quietly, wrapping your arms around him immediately, with such a speed that it almost knocked the air out of his lungs. confused, choso wrapped his arms around you, tucking your head under his chin and rubbing your back soothingly. he was relieved that you didn’t push him away at least and let him explain everything in one go. he felt more at ease now and was at peace with the decision to immediately leave and never butt in your life again in case you rejected him.

“all this time, i also loved you,” you mumbled, an upset frown on your face. “i- i just kept thinking that you’d never return my feelings and that you were just playing boyfriend because i hired you to do so and-”

you hiccuped, another sob tearing from your throat.

“when you told me not to go on that date and immediately followed it with you only being my escort and nothing more, it hurt me so much and i know it was stupid and childish of me to react in such a way but… i was just spiraling, i love you so much and didn’t know where to place the anxieties and negative feelings.”

choso shushed you quietly when your sobs grew more frequent and you let him pick you up, clinging onto him as he walked over to the couch and sat on it with you on his lap. “shh, you’re okay, we’re okay,” he mumbled against the crown of your head, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “i’m sorry i hurt you so much, i was not aware that you already liked me back then and that my words would have such an effect on you.”

over and over, choso apologized quietly until you calmed down, slumping against his chest. you stayed silent, trying to piece your thoughts and feelings back together so as to present him with a coherent and logical question. your mind was in shambles and you hoped that choso would at least get what you were hinting at. “so w- what do we do now? where do we- we go from here?”

“as i’ve already told your dad… if you’ll have me, i’ll make it up to you, all the hurt that i’ve caused you. i love you, so much. i want to be your boyfriend, and this time officially.”

“i like the sound of it,” you mumbled, tilting your head back to look at him. “will you be my boyfriend?”

“it would be an honour, princess.”

with a kiss, choso sealed the deal, easily catapulting you back on cloud nine. who would have thought that the escort you’d hired to be your fake boyfriend would turn out to be the prince charming you had always hoped for, surpassing even your wildest dreams and expectations. choso was everything you wanted and more - he was the person you wanted to wake up to every morning, the person you wanted to come home to. he was the person with whom you wanted to spend your life with, the person that loved you so unconditionally and never expected anything in return. you were lucky that he chose you, that he loved you back. out of all the persons in the universe, it was him.

he was perfect and he was yours.

p.s.: if you've made it until the end: thank you so much for reading!

[rurifangirl]

oc asks💅💅

kayn🌸

If you had to choose a single object to act as a symbol for your oc, what would it be? Why?

kida🌸

How much has your oc traveled? Why is this? Would they like to travel more? Or are they perfectly fine with staying home?

rui🌸

How competitive is your oc? Is every little task something that they can win, or are they just in competitions for the fun of it? Is there anyone they’re most competitive with?

lyva🌸

What is your oc’s immune system like? Are they invincible to illness, or are they compromised completely from the slightest of dirt?

shou🌸

Does your oc do anything “just for the aesthetic”? Or are they completely practical in everything?

qiran🌸

How would you describe your oc’s voice? Do they have an accent? Do you have any voice claims for them?

naexi🌸

What topics does your oc know the most about? Are these obvious or would these be surprising to others?

evelyn🌸

How easy to annoy is your oc? Do they have common pet-peeves or are they stoic in response to everything? What is their reaction if the source doesn’t stop?

myst🌸

How would you describe your oc’s voice? Do they have an accent? Do you have any voice claims for them?

kerei🌸

What topics does your oc know the most about? Are these obvious or would these be surprising to others?

eris🌸

What is your oc’s vocabulary like? Does it match the way they talk? How would you describe their speech?

syndra🌸

What time of day is your oc most awake? What about most tired? Do they get up at the same time every morning without need of an alarm, or is their sleep schedule all over the place?

Ty for asking em my fave Scp 🤍/j

----------------------------------------------------------

Kayn💜-

Many things would work for his symbol tbh, Id say either a dog or a schyte?

There's many things he had great connections w, and for someone like him that cares bout litteraly anything and everything that is around him, It would be hard to settle down onto a specifical one.

Writing this, I feel like he'd choose a schyte, cus even though that's probably the least pratical thing he's good in, it's still a part of his character that Is sorta overlooked and probably gotta work on so-

----------------------------------------------------------

Kida💮-

She went into far more missions than Kayn ever did, and she did visit many places, other than sometimes resting in South Italy that Is.

She's mainly been used for abroad missions too, until the whole Japan thing started and she had to return back, and even if she stayed lil time there, she has a pin collection of every place, and occasionally shows it to close friends, and did It w Kayn after they got time to get along.

She also got the first pin, which her husband bought for her since she spent almost everything, and that does bring her some nostalgia bout It, in the good and in the bad.

Sometimes when she gets drunk, she'll start ramble bout every single embarassing moment she had there like it's nothin. And even when she'll wake up, Kida wouldn't do anythin to deny It.

Just, proudly stating that she did It.

----------------------------------------------------------

Rui💎-

They're mostly chill, kinda in everything, until it gets onto their interests.

They don't really care about being the best in a random task, like if that would change the world of something, but if that meant the safety/getting more gems, then oh boy, ya got the perfect contestant for ya.

But if they could be competitive w anyone, It would be with Naexi.

They just can't even pin point way, it just, is.

And also if you'd tell them that they had to kill someone for gettin a diamond, they'll do It. That's how far and competitive they'd get for It. So in that case, absolutely.

----------------------------------------------------------

Lyva📙-

She suffers normally of a morning sickness, and has to take some medication to treat some sounds she had even before getting into the gang, but other than that, she's pretty healthy.

I mean, both compared to the rest of the cast and ignoring some eating problems she had to get through of, but currently, she's doing just fine.

But she does have an allergy for some flowers, so during spring she has kinda an hard time alone.

----------------------------------------------------------

Shou🍵-

Like, yeah he does have many traditional outfits, but that's mainly because he's more tied up to his family traditions that, even if they hurt him in the past, he can't let go of.

But, those do look good and he likes wearing these kinds of outfits, so it's fifty fifty.

Though it's safe to say that, the outfit he wears normally isn't really practical, considering in which events he gets into, but for him It doesn't really matter.

Basically just the "be depressed but well dressed".

----------------------------------------------------------

Qiran🗡️-

They do have an accent, and probably the most prominent one out of the cast.

Considering they've also been travelling through many different places, learning their coltures and sometimes having to learn their language, Qiran doesn't have a specifical accent, just, a mixture of almost anythin.

Though, if ya could hear them, you'd also get they're Southern, in a way or another.

They also tend to shorten words whenever they can, just to go straight up to the answer.

----------------------------------------------------------

Naexi⚛️-

Absolutely almost any folk tail in human's history. They just have been so interested in that for even hundreds of years, she's just deeply sucked into them.

One thing they also really like to do Is revisiting them to their gang, and even clearing up some details in the meanwhile. Or even giving more fun facts, or how she personally interpretetated it.

She doesn't do It often to people, even to those they're close to, and mainly ramble about It to their dolls.

----------------------------------------------------------

Evelyn⚙️-

He's mainly the one to bully rather than the bullied, but it's safe to say that if ya could really annoy them, It would be poking their making, or weapons per say.

In the sense that, she's really proud of them, and having those being unrighfully judged onto their eyes is really, REALLY frustrating to see.

Plus, since they're thecnically the least powerful member of the gang, it's normal that they Hide that feeling pretty well, under some teasings to subdoly vent bout It.

So even teasing him about that makes them really annoyed, since you'd 'invade" the space they created for herself.

----------------------------------------------------------

Myst🎸-

Honestly, I can't blame myself enough for this, but, just Imagine Rainbow Dash's voice on him.

Yes I'm serious.

Just that energy that voice has onto her, the cracks and just, everything. Naturally It would be toned down by a LOT, considering she hasnt got a voice as childish.

Im not good w describing voices and should work on that tbh, but i hope this voice claim counts 😭😭

----------------------------------------------------------

Kerei🔮-

Magic/Spell related topic, since that's what he's most interested. He's got many interests, that can go to many different topics, but he doesn't have as much interest as that.

He knows especially many counter attacks and even some potions to defend himself during a real fight.

In his time w Myst, she helped him learning even more facts and through that, setting free Eris, so that would be It.

----------------------------------------------------------

Eris🌑-

It's a normal vocabulary? Like, a polite One for sure, since it's not used to the human world and didn't get enough habits to speak like a normal person would.

They just have that solemn touch to it, y'know?

It does match with how they speak though, even if sometimes they have an hard time understanding Myst's words, since he also likes to throw popular wordings n a little of dialect here and there.

Moon's trying its best.😭

----------------------------------------------------------

Syndra⛩️-

She's most awake during the evening, or night that Is, since it doesn't have that much of a good concept of time and will go with anything that goes for her.

Though surprisingly, she's hardly tired, because she doesn't want to seem that weak even to itself, so even if she's gonna be a lil dizzy, she's almost always gonna be there.

Especially to kick some asses >:D

----------------------------------------------------------

Tags undercut:

@a-chaotic-dumbass @spoopy-fish-writes @dopesaladlady @nadi-117 @damnfoxx @audre-falrose

[beyoncesdragon]

title: tongue tip trip

➳ pairing: harry styles x reader, best friends to lovers trope but a bit different. 

➳ summary: Harry eats edibles and you come to the rescue...despite almost four months of no talking and zero communication. 

➳ warnings: Harry eats edibles, swearing and some fluff, it’s also fan fiction so its ✨unrealistic✨ okay, also its 1AM I wanna sleep 

➳ a/n: I love this one tbh. but please don’t do drugs children 

Jeff hardly ever called you. Even when Harry and you had still be close, him calling you was a rarity. But when he then did, you couldn't help but feel a bit worried at the sign of his user ID flashing up on your phone. This time was no exception, but besides worry there was also surprise and a whole bunch of uncomfortable memories and unsaid words. You hadn't heard from him (or Harry) in weeks. Sure, Jeff and you still sometimes texted a bit, you also were still in good contact with Claire and especially Mitch and you still got along. Harry and you...well, that was a different and longer story.

Harry and you used to be very close friends. Means, helping him what socks to choose before performing-close friends. You had met a year in Harry going solo, you a simple assistant engineer and him the highly praised Popstar. The two of you had quickly bonded over a few glasses of chilled white wine in the humid air of Jamaica and soon your friendship blossomed in the most beautiful ways. Well it did until you, obviously, started to feel a bit more for the singer. Now, that alone wasn't a problem itself, the fact that Harry knew (you had told him after a few weeks of awkward suffering) wasn't either. The problem was that Harry acted like a dick to anyone you brought around, up to the point where you seemingly couldn't ever date again. Of course Harry wasn't a straight up asshole to them, he still had a reputation to maintain, but he knew how to get under their skin. Just toying with their self-confidence and subtly making them feel like the biggest losers. Oh and, the absolute worst part, all whilst having a girlfriend himself. Which eliminated the possibility of him having feeling for you as a reason why he acted like a jerk. And that angered you more and more and it all escalated in a big, nasty and hurtful fight, around four - five months ago. Since then you hadn't talked, texted or seen each other.

It had been a big change of habit not to get up and first check the phone for messages of him, or simply FaceTime him to check up on his schedule. No spending time at cafes or at the studios with him and the rest of the team. Lucky thing you had other jobs running, on other albums and in other studios around Malibu than his.

He was currently recording music at the Shangri-La studios in Malibu, maybe ten minutes from your flat by car. Which had been described as a "lucky and obviously unplanned extra" by Harry himself, followed by a cheeky grin. You had just rolled your eyes, but secretly happy that he had cared about you being near during his writing process. But now it only left a sour aftertaste in your mouth.

With a sigh you pulled the key out of the ignition and picked up the phone. You figured you could also wait in the parking lot for a few more minutes.

"Hello?"

"Sweetheart? Jeff's here..." you hummed softly, leaning back. 

"Hello there Jeff. Everything alright?" you could hear him cough slightly, before he answered with a weird lilt to his tone. He sounded somewhat stressed out. "Yeah, everything's fine...how have you been?" you shrugged lightly, inspecting your nails. 

"Fine. Working and stuff. I guess same for you?" he was quick to agree, again with that weird cough. 

"Everything okay Jeff? Something happened?" you finally asked, tired of his obvious tip toeing around the real issue. He knew that you weren't so stupid to believe that Jeff had just called you to check up on you at five in the afternoon.

"Well not...quite. I - uh...it's because of Harry. Now, listen, I know the two of you did not part in like, the best ways but..." you couldn't help but close your eyes with a slight wince, "...but you've got to believe me, it's an emergency, kinda." You just sighed. 

"Kinda?" he hummed, saying nothing for a few seconds. "Do I need to talk to him?" you asked into the silence. Jeff was quick to say no however. "Uh...rather not, actually." You blinked surprised. 

"Rather not? Is he drunk?" not that this would be a first, Harry being drunk caller by nature. If he was lucky he then would find himself calling someone like Paul, his old bodyguard, few months ago maybe you, just not one of his exes or someone else you probably shouldn't call anyways – especially not drunk. But this time it didn't seemed to be like that, since Jeff answered hesitantly. "Not exactly, no." your frown deepened at his words, feeling slight annoyance creeping up. "Jeffrey! What's the matter? Is he hurt? In an accident? Called his ex? Called Zayn? What is it? Just tell me already!"

Jeff sighed deeply. "He's high." A relieved huff left your lips. That wasn't half as bad, wasn't it? "That's it? Little weed hurts no body, besides I would've been more concerned if he would've drank. Besides, he almost never does weed..." Jeff interrupted you quickly. "Not exactly weed sweetheart. You remember the uh, edibles I told you about, the ones we stored in the fridge..." A deep groan escaped your lips.

"Are you kidding me?" you groaned, shaking your head. "Well no. However, he accidentally bit of his tongue tip, few minutes ago." Your hand dropped from the steering wheel and smashed down and you accidentally honked, immediately getting confused and outraged looks from the cars passing by.

"He did WHAT?" you meant to hear a smile in Jeff's voice, underneath all the layers of just mild concern. "Yeah's a little unfortunate." you just huffed. A little unfortunate, if that's what they decided to call it, then fine. Nonetheless, Harry should probably visit a doctor. "Can he still sing?" you asked, somewhat defeated. The noise behind Jeff increased, you assumed that he was entering the studio again. "Hold on a sec...can you hear him?" And oh how you could hear him.

He was singing, no yelling on top of his voice, trying to outmatch the speakers that were thumping Paul McCartney's "Too Many People", though unmistakably mumbling a little. Just the sound of his voice made your heart clench in pain a little.

"Yeah I can." You mumbled, wishing for Jeff to talk over Harry's voice again. "So his career isn't in danger right? Means I can just..." Jeff sighed deeply, pleadingly. 

"Y/N, please...he needs medical care." You pouted displeased, spinning the car keys in your fingers. "And you cant drive him because...?" this time he definitely laughed. "What do you think? Harry being the only one on drugs?" you shrugged. "You don't sound like you would bite your tongue off..." he just huffed. "That's because I only had a glass of white wine, but never drink and drive..." you let out a loud laugh, starting your car. "Oh sure! And don't mix drugs with alcohol, right?" he chuckled softly. "Course not. We're that responsible, you know." you just hummed unconvinced, sighing again.

"Okay fine. I'll pick him up." Jeff released a long breath before thanking you warmly. "Thank you so much, angel...how long will you take, you think?" your eyes darted from the rear-view mirror to the road behind the parking lot, before you shifted the reverse gear again to leave the parking.

"About 10 minutes? Maybe?" you guessed, eyeing the traffic suspiciously. It wasn't rush-hour just yet, but there were still plenty of cars on the road. "Okay...oh hi Harry." You immediately tensed up, swallowing hard when you heard Harrys deep voice again.

"Who y'takin to?" Harry spoke as if he had a full mouth, trying not spit out its content. "Oh just...Y/N." Jeff answered truthfully. Harry then said something you couldn't quite understand before Jeff ushered him to go away again with the words; "She'll come in a few minutes anyways." It made you swallow heavily; had Harry asked to talk to you? You stopped the thoughts and focused on the road again. "I'll see you in five." And with that you hung up.

❦

Harry and Jeff were already waiting in front of the studio when you pulled up, Harry having a bloody cloth pressed to his mouth. They looked like father and son, right off the principal's office for starting a fight on campus. It almost made you laugh. Then your eyes met and the amusement left your body as quickly as it came. You were not ready to face him again, even after all those months.

"Thank you so much Y/N, I owe you...you good H?" Jeff asked as he opened the passenger door. "Yeh, m'fine, fanks." Harry mumbled, eyes darting up to meet yours, just to look away immediately. "We'll be back soon." You sighed, not yet ready to properly greet Harry. Or look at him, for starters. To be fair, he wasn't doing any better. "Sure. I hope he doesn't bleed on your seats." Jeff joked, well aware of the weird tension. You just shrugged, waving him goodbye. "See you in a few Jeff." Or not, but you didn't know that yet.

The ride was almost completely silent expect for the time where you asked if he was okay and he mumbled a "yeh". The radio was filling the silence and you were glad for it. The songs weren't that good at the moment, you just wanted something to be loud and talking, even if it was just the obnoxious radio host who kept cutting off the songs. That was until "Change" by RM and Wale started to play and you perked up immediately. A happy smile crept on your face as you recognised the tune. You yourself had helped with the song and you proudly acknowledged the credit they gave you. You hadn't expected it to be played over here in America, but you were happy it was. Harry had obviously noticed your change of behaviour and carefully peaked over.

"Y'know tha'shong?" you nodded, momentarily forgetting that Harry and you hadn't interacted the last ten minutes. "Helped write it. With Namjoon, aka. RM and Wale." Harry nodded slowly. "Ish Namjhoon f'om...?" he tried and you nodded. "BTS? Yeah." He just nodded again. The next second Wale already mentioned BTS in his verse and Harry huffed. "Oh."

"I've sheen - seen the pictures of you n'him." you quirked an eyebrow. "Yeah? Well, he was nice." Harry nodded again, another stolen glance into your direction. "Lishten..." he started but you cut him off. You already knew what he was about to say anyways.

"Let's not have this conversation now Harry. Please. Let's talk when there isn't blood gushing from your mouth." He nodded, but his shoulders relaxed a little bit. After all, he was glad you were up to talk, even if it wasn't just right now, but a bit later on. He had time anyways. He peaked over again, taking in the sight of you. Your hair was now longer than last time and your face somehow sharper – maybe you had lost weight. Also, there was a soft frown etched in between your brows, and there wasn't this soft glow you've always carried in your eyes. Long story short: You looked worn out and stressed, and Harry couldn't really tell if it was because you were sat in the same car as he was, or if it had to do with something else that was going on.

"How're ya?" it slowly got painful to speak, the edible was definitely wearing off now, but Harry still tried. He had missed your voice after all, it didn't matter how cold your tone had become. Just at the mentioning of that Namjoon you had sounded more like the Y/N he knew.

"I've been okay. Had lots of work...different countries and continents. S'been a busy few months." You felt unsure as how to talk to him, of you were fully honest. Should you say that you had absolutely hated working in Malibu since the fight? Should you say that you hadn't slept properly because you hated having fights with friends? Especially close friends? He probably knew anyways. Harry always knew somehow.

"I wont ask you about yourself until your tongue is patched up again, though. So you better shut up Styles." He chuckled softly, and the hint of the old Harry and Y/N relationship seemed to spark up again. The last five or so minutes were spent in silence again, but comfortable this time.

❦

Luckily Harry did not go recognised by anyone else than the Doctor. And the doctor probably only realised fully, because she asked for the name. Harry, still not fully functionable, had then looked over to you, expecting you to do the talking. Which made sense, of course, but truth behold, he had just forgotten his middle and last name. And the address of the place he was staying at (the studios) was completely wiped from his memory. He was lucky you were with him. It also turned out that he had completely bit off a few millimetres of tongue, a clean bite. You had almost gaged at those words and Harry had supressed a grin. It meant that Harry needed no stitches (apparently it was sort of possible to stitch a tongue back together), but daily check-ups and cleaning or cleansing of the mouth was mandatory.

"Check the injurie daily for changes in appearance or feel. Wounds in the mouth that are clean and healthy may appear light pink to white." She had started to almost exclusively talk to you, aware of Harry's partly delirious state, giving you all the information you needed to patch him up a bit. You nodded slowly.

"Alright. Just...how do you cleanse the mouth?" The Doctor gave you a kind smile. "Very easy. Rinse the mouth with a saltwater solution after eating to ease pain and keep the wound clean. That is very important, so the wound doesn't infect. The saltwater solution is just one teaspoon of non-iodized salt mixed in one cup of warm water." You nodded slowly. "One last thing: if the colour of the wound changes, starts bleeding again, swells up or you notice a visible deformity, immediately come back. Also, if the pain intensifies and does not improve within two hours of taking over-the-counter pain medication, such as ibuprofen or acetaminophen, have somebody call us, or better come around. That is all we can do right now."

You were almost happy when you could leave the hospital with him, especially because Harry now grew tired and needy. You weren't sure if the disappearing edible had that effect or if you had just forgotten how clingy Harry could get, but you had troubles getting him to let go of your arm and sit into the car. And your deeply hidden and buried feelings for him slowly made an unwanted comeback, and you were not quite excited for that. You should've known that they would come again, after all, you never really got over him in the first place.

Harry insisted on you staying the night. He blabbed something about risk of getting kidnapped and abused at night alone (not entirely wrong, sadly) and him not letting his friend leave at hours that late and also he apparently needed you if something happened again. He just wouldn't admit that he couldn't let you walk out the door because he feared you wouldn't come back. as if you could just do that after today. But whatever it was, you did stay. In one of the three bedrooms of the Studio you had claimed a bed, and even got some spare clothes for sleep from Claire herself. You had called her, asking for them, as they had all already left.

Just when you thought you were done for the day, teeth brushed and dressed in Claires 1975 shirt size XL, you hear a knock on your door. "Come in?" You knew it was Harry, that wasn't the part that surprised you. the part that surprised you, was that it was Harry with a tray and on that tray were cups and kettle and it smelled like camomile tea and honey. And cookies, with chocolate chips even and some grapes.

"Hi." He just whispered, embarrassment written all over his face. "Hi?" you weren't sure how to react to this but quickly patted on the bed next to you. "Wanna sit down? Or wait, sHit down, as you would say it." He giggled softly, before he nodded and carefully sat down opposite of you, balancing the tray carefully between the two of you.

"I figured it would be better to talk now in peace? If you're up to, f'course." You couldn't help the small smile that crept onto your face. "Shure." You mocked his lisp and he huffed at that, swatting his hand into your direction. "Shtop it really hurt." You just rolled your eyes at him, motioning towards the tray between the two of you. "That's very cute by the way. I love camomile tea with honey." He grinned smugly. "I know." The tea steamed softly when he poured it into the cups, his brows furrowed in concentration to not spill it on the sheets. You watched him with a fond look in your eyes. You hadn't been fully aware of how much you had really missed him in all these months. Right now it felt like the feeling was overwhelming and would crush you out of a sudden.

"Everything a'ight?" Harry's concerned voice ripped you from your thoughts and you blinked quickly. Your eyes had started to water and you looked away embarrassed. "Yeah...guess I just missed you." his eyes immediately went soft, and he set the cups down on the tray. 

"I missed ye too." He said, sounding a bit helpless. You cleared your throat, shaking your head quickly. 

"Okay so what happened that day; Harry I want to sincerely apologise. What I said went too far." He just smiled softly. "I should've went first. S'my fault after all, let's not beat around the bushes. I am sh-sorry. I shouldn't've said all those things, it was truly horrible. You're not clingy, you don't ever bothered me and also, the men you brought around weren't all dicks. And yes I did ruin it purposely." He couldn't even look at you anymore, shame so obvious in his face and voice and body language. "It's fine...I could've dated anyone anyways that time." You tried softly, swallowing down the "Still can't, believe me, I tried." He just shook his head. "No, really Y/N, that was extremely hurtful and inappropriate and I was the biggest...dick to do all that. I am so sorry. You had all right on earth to walk out like that. and to call me a heartless, self-absorbed douche, I guess I deserved that...that and all the other things you called me." that did make you laugh a bit.

"Arrogant son of a bitch? That one?" he grinned softly. "Exactly that one. I uh, used that, by the way. In a song, I hope you don't mind." Your eyebrows shot up at that. "You called yourself an arrogant son of a bitch?" He nodded sheepishly. "An arrogant shon of a bitch who can't admit that he is shorry, and I quoted that." you laughed now, loudly. "Bit harsh, innit?" he shrugged, coquettishly raising the tea cup to his lips. "Heard it from shomewhere." You just hummed softly, lifting your cup as well.

A deep sigh rose your chest as you looked at him again, that bright flicker in his eyes again, that lopsided smirk he wore so well. You knew that your crush was back on fully, but right now you didn't even minded it. Harry gave you a small smile, the mischief slowly draining from his green eyes. he seemed to catch on to that shift of your emotions and carefully placed his cup down on the tray, before then carefully placing the tray on the floor and opening his arms. 

"C'mere?" you did, immediately.

And for the first time in months you could fully relax. Surrounded by Harry's scent in Harry's arm and listening to Harry's heartbeat. Completely absorbed and surrounded by everything you loved. "Sorry." You mumbled into the fabric of his shirt, feeling how his arms tightened around you. "Me too. I fucking misshed you." you chuckled softly. "Misshed you too, shon of a bitch." His laughter sent vibrations through your body.

"About that Korean dude..." Harry suddenly asked, making your peak up to him. "Namjoon? What about him?" he cleared his throat. "Just...did you like, date or something?" you grinned softly. 

"Pretty sure he had something going on with a girl the time I was over there. Maybe he still has. Why? You wanna scare him off again?" he just laughed. "I don't do that anymore. I was just...curious you know. You've always had a thing for these Korean men." You grinned softly.

"Are you now talking Stray Kids or Bangtan or EXO or GOT7..." Harry groaned, "so what. You got something to say about that?" he shook his head. "Course not." You hummed. "And what do you mean, I don't do that anymore? Why did you even do it, like in the first place?" Harry sighed very deeply at that.

"I guess because...okay, promise you listen to the end and don't get upset with me too much, yeah?" you frowned, a bit mentally preparing yourself for whatever was about to follow. 

"Okay? Promised."

"Alright, now...I think I couldn't just...let you be and date who you want because I am a very selfish person? I know I know, you probably think: but selfish about what and I can only confess...probably you? No, not probably, I am sure." The words were bubbling out of him as if someone flipped a switch and now he couldn't stop anymore. "I couldn't see you date someone else and...give them all of your attention. And I know, I myself was in a relationship during that time, I know, but I just...I can't describe it." Your eyes grew wider and wider with every hasty rambled sentence and your lips were slightly parted. "It was as if was...jealous, which is weird because I wasn't into you then, no offense please, I mean I had a girlfriend..." 

"Hold on, what do you mean, wasn't into you then?" you cut him off and Harry literally froze. His eyes went wide with realisation and his mouth opened, as if he would try to reply something; but there was no sound. All he could think of, was one word, all in capital letters and blinking red: fuck.

"I uh, did I say then?" you clicked with your tongue, an amused grin flitting over your face. 

"You did." A blush now covered his cheeks and he cleared his throat eagerly. You moved away from his embrace to get a better look at the man sitting in front of you. 

"You did say then. Something changed?" your tone was joking but hidden beneath the layers of sarcasm there was a flicker of something else...hope.

"I...I mean I don't...would it be like...do you still feel the same?" you didn't immediately answered, trying to process what you were hearing. After weeks of pinning and then months of not talking at all, he was confessing – or somewhat confessing – that there was a chance that he now actually liked you back? How was that even possible?

Harry however read your silence as something else than confusion and being overwhelmed with the situation. His face fell from nervous to disappointed and hurt, though he tried to mask those emotions quickly. "Which is of course fine and like, obviously you don't, I mean..." he spoke, and it wasn't entirely clear if he was talking to you or himself.

"I didn't even answer H." you mumbled, tilting your head. "Of course you di- wait what do you mean?" there was this same spark of hope in his voice as there had been in your voice. "If I told you, that nothing changed, what would that mean?" you breathed after a second of hesitation and staring into his wide eyes, filled with fear, nervousness, hope and...vulnerability. At your words there was a small smile that started to tug on his lips, like a light igniting his eyes. 

"It would mean that I...uhm, I would then shoot my shot?" you couldn't help it.

"Was that hard to say?" he blinked confused. "Shoot your shot..." you teased and he groaned loudly. "Oh hush, you are unbearable." You giggled, winking obnoxiously. "You decided to eat those edibles. Also, I am worth a shot, no?" he huffed, leaping forwards to pull you back into his arms. "Oh definitely..." you grinned up at him before your breath hitched in your throat at the realisation of his sudden closeness. Eyes flickering to his lips you just waited. But when he leaned in you cleared you throat softly, making him halt. "Before you do that...just please tell me why now." He never moved back just pressed his lips together for a second, thinking of the right choice of words. "In those month where we didn't talk, I had a lot, and I mean a lot of time to think and reflect about the whole situation. About you, about how I felt about you and your partners, how your confession had changed the way I saw or felt certain things...also, Jeff's talked a lot with me about it. The fight and stuff. And then when I saw you again I just...knew? I don't know..." you cut him off with a short nod. 

"Okay that's good, now kiss me please." He just laughed before finally, finally closing the gap between the two of you.

And your lips on his made him feel better, lighter and higher than any fucking edible could've ever made him feel.

here are flowers for u, if u rly read this ily 💐💐💐

➳m.list   ➳h.s. m.list   ➳wattpad

[kissmejuyeon]

hey Sara! 🌸🐇

this might be a personal or difficult question, so if you don't want to reply, that's totally fine!! 💕

i went to a school where i was lowkey taught that uni is the only option after graduation, that anything else isn't as "good" and we weren't even taught abt anything other than uni either. no one ever mentioned apprenticeships or voluntary years, let alone spoke positively of them. it honestly installed in me this fear of being seen as lesser if i don't go to uni and now it's been almost 4 years since my graduation and I'm still struggling with the inferiority feeling of not feeling like uni is the right place for me. i think i want to do an apprenticeship, but by now i feel almost too scared to start anything in fear of not managing.

did you deal with this kind of thing in your schooling/ upbringing as well? and how did you get over those feelings? :( if you have even the tiniest advice, id be super grateful 💙

Hey love!!! Happy new Year <3

I can totally relate to what you’re feeling!! I def had those same feelings and thoughts, and i am not gonna lie, it took me a while to figure out what i want to do, and how i stopped focusing on what other wanted of me. but i’m going to try to explain my thoughts, so please bare with me.

i had to put this in “keep reading” cause i word vomited lmao

I was lucky that i grew up in a family that always thought me, that i do everything in life for myself. I should always focus on what I want to do. BUT, i had extended family and a few friends that always talked about uni and doing something in life that is “not working in retail” (just an example) All they “wanted” me to do is make money. 

My dad never finished high school and my mom started two apprenticeships that she never finished. I always knew i wanted to do more than what my parents did. And i don’t mean it a mean or bad way. (i hope you know what i mean) 

i was a “gifted” kid in school, and good grades came easy to me, until i finished 10th grade and i started my A-level. Then i hit rock bottom. I actually never planed to do my A-level, but i had no idea what to do with my life in year 10, so i decided to go to school for 3 more years, so i have a little more time to figure stuff out. (Spoiler: i didn’t) When i decided to do my A-level (In germany you need it to even go to uni) i thought uhMm maybe i should go to uni because many people around me where starting to talk about it and made me feel that my decision of never going to uni was me planing on becoming “nothing”. Which is totally stupid. Not going to uni does NOT mean you’ll never become anything!

by the i finished my A-level, which i barely passed, i still had no idea of what i wanted to. the only thing i knew was, that i wanted to do something that brings me happiness and joy! And the only time i found happiness and joy was in books (and one direction lmao). So i started to think about the idea, that i could start working in a bookstore. But at that time, my friends already started Uni (med school, law etc.) and others went to go abroad to study. And i felt like i was worth less. But i also knew that going to uni would only further the descend of my mental health. So i really focused on working in a bookstore and do an apprenticeship as a bookseller. 

Through a friend i got the opportunity of working in a bookstore (I applied before but i was sadly rejected). After the first day of work, i knew, this is what i wanted to do with my life. My mom always pushed me into applying for apprenticeships that i didnt wanna do, which i told her i didnt want, but it only caused many fights between us. but tbh ... i didnt care. i wanted to do what i wanted to do! So i focused on my carreer in the bokstore. i stopped focusing on what other people want to do in their lives, but rather focus on what I want to do. 

so i worked at the bookstore for 2 years, then started my apprenticeship, then i worked for 4 months as a bookseller and now i’m the deputy manager of the store that i did my apprenticeship at. now i know i only got to this place and position because i stopped focusing on what other people wanted.

end of my biography but i feel like it needed to explain this to validate my points lmao

and heres what i can tell you, do what you want to do!!! if you dont want to go to uni, do not go. is there something that brings you joy? clothes? books? try working with something that you like, and figure out what you wanna do that way.

Other people think they help you when they try to push uni, grad school etc. into your life, cause they think that whats best for you. but you are the only one who knows whats best for you!

in bookseller school, half my class was people who dropped out of uni to start working. not going to uni or dropping out of uni doesnt make you any less amazing or capable of reaching your dreams. 

the sad thing is, we need money to survive in this world, so you need to make money one way or another. and people always promote the narrative of figuring out what you want to do immediately. which is fuckign bullocks. you can start over and over again of you need to. if you start a job but after a few months you realize, its something you dont want to do, quit and find another job. Starting over and trying out jobs is nothing bad! 

but i think the first step you need to to, is to realize that what you do in life, is for you and only you!!! 

[gotmetalkinginmysleep]

BTS Full Set Reactions/Kink List: Porn Habits

Ask: 

sweet-teeth-mfs said: BTS FULL SET Reactions/Kinks List: BTS & Porn Habits 🥴🔪🔥

Warnings: If you haven’t guessed it, this post will be discussing porn habits so will contain sexual references.

A/N: This is my first ever reactions post so I hope I do this justice. I’ve been reading from all of the blogs I know who do reactions well, so let’s put this to the test. 

Let’s start with our leader.

Kim Namjoon.

He has unashamedly been open with his porn habits, including using his Dad’s ID to access such sites when he was underage (I mean who doesn’t?). And let’s be honest, there’s nothing to be ashamed of either. Porn is porn. Everyone has their own tastes or levels and therefore, everyone watches or reads it in some way.

So what would he watch? TBH, I racked my brain for a while with this one and there’s only one answer I can think of. 

ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. He’s been watching it since 2nd Grade so he must have quite the collection by now. There’s only one limitation for Joon, Hentai would be a hard fap for him. 

Joon likes to see everything and have an element of powerplay, so anything with a POV angle would be perfect. I think he’d watch porn from anywhere and he’d watch it at anytime or place. He would openly share his porn stash with the other members if they asked (except the personal collection he’s filmed for himself). 

He’d watch it with you too, paying attention to what you liked and disliked, almost using it as research for his session with you later. Would definitely film his own stuff but from his POV so he can watch it later, making sure to keep your face out of it. Not because he wouldn’t like it, but he’d be concerned he’d accidentally saved it to the shared folder.

Joon would be more than happy to send content to you too. Once he knows what you like, he’d film for you just as much as you do for him. When sending Joon video, be sure to call his name or call him ‘Daddy’. He loves that.

Kim Seokjin.

Jin being the eldest of the group has certainly figured out a few things about what he likes and dislikes. He would’ve also figured the best way to sneak in a session without being caught out.

Jin prefers to watch in complete privacy and when at the dorm, would leave his room to use the locked bathroom instead. He’d also take his headphones to ensure he could hear the moans. He’s very visual (and if into women) definitely a breast man. They don’t need to be massive, just feature a lot and although 99.9% of men love a cum shot to the face, I think Jin would prefer one to the tits. 

He also prefers to watch something from the DOMs angle. Not pain or abusive in any way, but something that demonstrates a more domineering side that he can relate to. He wants the other person to succumb to his charms and his porn would need to do the same.

Jin wouldn’t film with you but would ask for some Facetime while he was away, specifically so he could see your face and the shapes it would make when you cum.

Min Yoongi.

Yoongi would normally be typecast into some really dark stuff. However, I gave this some more thought as there’s more than meets the eye.

Yoongi loves sound and would ask you to send recordings he could listen to while in the Genius Studio. But don’t fake it, he would know and hates overelaborate screamy ‘porn sex’. It would be a rare opportunity for him to watch videos so ASMR is perfect for him. Just playing it on his headphones and everyone would fully believe he’s working on something. 

When it comes to visuals, he would definitely prefer to have videos sent to him than searching online. However, he’d have a personal stash that he’s filmed when you’ve been together of his hands and tongue doing things to you. He’d actually send these to you along with a message like, “wishing I could do this to you right now”.

Yoongi would purposefully film with you for when he’s away, ensuring he’s got you spread and shining over his cock or taking you from behind so he’s got your ass in shot. 

He NEEDS to see and hear everything so when you send him a picture or a quick video of you playing with the toy he bought you, make sure to spread for him showing how wet you are and display your slick covered fingers to the camera. Also, tell him how much you need him instead of your fingers or toy.

Jung Hoseok.

Did someone call for Daddy? Yes, Hobi loves his stash but actually prefers to find something new each time. He’s very open to new things and would probably try everything once, but as soon as he sees something he doesn’t like, he’ll find something from his collection. 

He’s definitely a curves man, would prefer to watch something with more movement and rhythm. The person at the centre of all of this would need to have a sexy vibe more than a distinct feature. Would totally follow the same porn star once he found one he liked and would watch anything from that person, even the masturbation films, which are probably his favourite.

But there’s one very important factor. Unlike most guys, Hobi doesn’t like cumshots. He would much prefer to watch someone take a load in their mouth, display and swallow so he can see it slide down their throat. Therefore, would totally film you sucking him off to watch back later.

If you’re sending him something while away, he would love to watch you get off. Use your toys, get the suction cup to stick it to the floor and play for the camera Bish. He’d want to see you wind and grind on that thing.

Park Jimin.

Ok, this one was fun because most of the web sees Jimin as this cute little angel (Which he is... sometimes) but he totally isn’t 100% angel. His dirty mind could write some serious fanfics which brings me onto his porn.

Jimin likes to be able to relate to real couples and would most likely read erotica so he can imagine everything in his head. Most likely to frequent Wattpad and AO3 on a regular basis. He’s not into anything overly romanticised, he’d be more 50 Shades than Mills and Boon, but when it comes to visuals, he prefers homemade content with real couples. Not just any old homemade content, he’s looking for the gagged and bound section for when his inner DOM needs power.

As a result, he would totally film his own DOM stuff and not just with his mobile phone in hand. He’d have it on the bedside table or at the end of the bed so he can go hands-free, slapping your ass or pulling on your leash throughout. Jimin would want your cum face in full view so he can recall the feeling of you tight around him. He’d even edit the sections together so he’d have snippets he can refer back to rather than the whole session. 

When it comes to sending Jimin something to take a load off, send him a masturbation video praising him to the ends of the Earth when he’s feeling DOM. Tell him how good he feels and how your fingers aren’t enough.

For is inner SUB, you need your ASMR skills because he wants to be hands-free. Record some audio for him to listen through his headphones, moan for him but with stern instructions, tell him he’s been bad (or good) and when he’s allowed to cum. It’ll keep him going for days.

Kim Taehyung.

*Cracks fingers* - KIM TAEHYUNG … *tsk tsk tsk* - where do I even begin with him? Shall we start from the light to the dark?

Tae needs some plot. A little bit of backstory. I’m not saying he’s after something like overly romanticised, but something a bit “Eyes Wide Shut” or “Secretary” would totally shuttle his cock. Would regularly watch international porn so he can get lost in the language, especially French or Portuguese which sounds erotic in its own right. Anything that includes plenty of foreplay and shows the main character writhing to meet hip to hip gets him going.

Oh, why did I say “Secretary”, yes, because Tae likes it dirty and would be open to the more quirky aspects of porn. Powerplay to the point she pisses at the desk? Yes, total turn on. It’s not the physical act, it is the meaning behind it. The power that’s portrayed in the DOM and the loyal submission that’s apparent from her. So whether he’s watching anime or something dark, don’t just take it at face value. 

Tae would be open to filming yourselves if you are. He’d get really into the role, discussing boundaries and buying something special for the main event. He’d even set up the room with lighting and get you in the mood beforehand, so it’ll feel very art house. You’d both watch it together and alone, but he’d love to sext you on the regular while away.

Jeon Jungkook.

Be warned. To me, Gguk is a little Antonie de Caunes (search Eurotrash TV Show if you don’t know who that is) so this is going to be a little bit fun!

Jungkook idolises Joon, so I think he’d totally steal his stash on the regular. Sheepily asking, “got anything new?” when the hard drive is shared for his alone time. Loves everything and tries everything once. If he likes it, he’d want to try it out too. It’s actually easier to recall what he doesn’t like, which is nothing!

Seriously nothing is out of bounds for him. Girl on girl action, hell yes! Big titties? *motorboats* Anime, yeah why not? Fake taxi? Yeah, sure. We’re talking full on cheese, but interestingly, he’d watch this with Tae and Jimin for fun and not to get off. It would be like watching their own version of Eurotrash! 

However, when it gets a little too much for everyone, they’d slink off separately and get the good stuff.

Gguk would find the masturbation videos to watch on his own and he’d prefer these than anything else. However, he does like to film his own POV when he’s with you. He is GCF of course. 

He’d film when he’s both DOM and SUB but most importantly would want a new film every time he goes away. He’d film you riding his cock when you’re on top, your hands on his chest as you whip your head back all while he’s calling you Noona. But, he’d also film when you’re spread beneath him, begging to be taken by Daddy.

[dojaeism-archived]

OMG I AM SO SORRY I tend to talk so much, you might be writing more because of that :( I can't promise short length but I'll try to restrict my fingers from typing out too much (she says as she types this nonsense that uses a bajillion words already 💔) I've been looking after myself, don't worry~ there's just a lot to do as both my parents work and my elder sister and I mostly try to manage our younger siblings and stuff haha Ah, I get that; glad to know you still like doing it! - ❄️

sorry for taking so long to respond omgg but hi!!!

asfhgjsadkj I'm no one to get excited over T^T the ones I am currently mostly active on are 2 out of ig 5-6 blogs? I rarely post on main but you'll see me do something once every blue moon haha Ooh what do you like cooking most then? I make cheesecake myself at home from yogurt instead of cream cheese and it's very light so I can easily eat a slice ^^ I don't like sweets much so it's rare I even have something that isn't on the more bitter or tart side (even then very picky hehe) - ❄️

Quiche is definitely something you should try; it's basically a savoury pie! Stews are awesome too; if you're a person who likes deep flavours but not in watery form (e.g soups, broths) like me, then that's the perfect option as it's consistency is gravy-like and packs a punch Lol they put zero effort in even trying to know their way around the kitchen so when they're forced to do so in the future, they'll definitely get the hang of it :) - ❄️

haha I'm the kind of person who disappears for days/weeks and then mass produces gifs when they return (as explicitly told by my friend) but I quite enjoy it (*^w^) I think giffing for 1-2 groups specifically made me use so much time that I rarely gif others unless I have the time to; but I do wanna try to gif exo more... I gif txt and stray kids! (and some others on and off on my multi blog) - ❄️

I look forward to becoming friends with you too~ haha merci beaucoup; je fais de mon mieux! Those two were like the only games I liked (the puzzle parts though, not much of the fighting Lol) OOF that's a lot, I hope you didn't lose too much sleep for that! Thank you, good luck with your classes and I hope this year passes by nicely for you (also I deeply apologise because I said I wouldn't talk too much but I'm kinda sure I surpassed the normal word limit 😶) - ❄️

please don’t apologise for talking too much omg i love love hearing what you have to say!! you’re always welcome to send as many asks as you’d like hehe and im glad to hear that you’re taking care of yourself!

jkfgnkjfg i know what u mean, i have like 6 sideblogs and i am allllll over the place for all of them LOL either way, im excited to find out who you are!!!

i don’t think i really have a favourite dish, cooking still isn’t my thing tbh i’d rather eat than cook 😭 i only did it bc my parents were like “u gotta show us what u learnt all this time away at uni” and i was like “omg.. here eat this! now leave me alone!” LMAO but its interesting that you make cheesecake from yoghurt :0 i might try that to see if it turns out better!!!! quiche sounds nice! its kinda hard to get stuff like that and pie/stews etc here bc its not very common so i’ll have to see :0

ohh i get u!!!! when i initially started giffing i’d do it for like 6/7 hours a day no kidding, i literally just sat there and giffed all day (to the point where i had a permanent cramp in my hand) but now im like hmm here’s a gifset once a year maybe haha but i almost exclusively only gif jaehyun lol its kinda tragic 😭 im currently trying to gif more people on my sideblogs bc i’ve always wanted to gif them but the jaehyun tunnel vision is so real 😩 its so ironic that chanyeol is my ult but i have never giffed him ever in my life LMFAOOO i really gotta change that….. but omg i love stray kids!! well i solo stan felix actually but they’re all cute!! id love to get into giffing them!!! i don’t really know txt though, but people are always saying lots of lovely things abt them hehe

omg im the opposite! i hate the boring story bits of games lol i always just skip to the fighting bit… idk how familiar you are w genshin but they have like story quests right and i generally just ignore everything and just go around looking for people to fight lmaoo

thank you! its kinda crazy bc i slept like 4 hours the past 3 days but its the weekend now so im gonna catch up on some sleep hehe i hope you’re staying warm (if its cold where you are) and remember to drink lots of water & stay safe!! also its always always okay for you to send in as many asks as you like, i love talking to you 🥰

[roxannepolice]

Long asks anon again, here to offer my opinion on the current wank. Rey as a character is rather blatantly breaking sw story rules and nothing is going to get SFF fans hackles up like rule breakage. This is root of both the MarySue accusations and current wank. Rey has a tragic backstory thats doubling as the only failure she can call her own. But its a) damn near entirely offscreen and b) serves as convenient justification for why shes competent at near everything that comes up.

Reys instantly good at the force because of a convenient force download that to the best of my knowledge only occured in the noncanon KOTOR II and quite frankly cant blame most of the general audience for not getting because without prior knowledge or the novelizations why would they? She has darkness in her but as so far used and touched it consequence free and its almost entirely symbolically externalized on the Kylo (and in SW symbolism is Real in a way it isnt in other narratives) Shes strong in the force because Light rises to meet Dark but to quote the current crop of movies ‘thats not how the force works) or at least thats never how it worked before. Shes the first SW protagonist to go behind enemy lines and come out with both hands in the second movie. For ppl wondering how come Luke and Ani never get labeled MarySues, this is why, they got thier asses handed to them, Rey hasnt. There /is/ something /off/ in Reys story, and ppl pick up on it. if you can make a post (w/ over 1k notes!) about how great it is that a character meant to prop up 7hrs worth of movies has little to no character development to go through, somethings off. If multiple ppl can make posts about how its neat Rey can tap into the darkside (still characterized as evil in ST) consequence free (with some quite frankly stupid justifications, 'shes disciplined’ really? jedi lacked a lot of things thats not one of them) somethings off and again, if the only failure your main heroine has is /entirely retroactive something’s off/. If the story were getting with the is the story most ppl think we are, a 'female empowerment’ (i dont feel particularly empowered by being told I have an equal chance at being a deus ex machina but ok) than well, her story is over and theres no need for IX (hell it could have been over in TFA, most ppl assumed she had accepted her place as the future jedi in that one) and no need for reylo The ST was always gonna deconstruct all that came before it purely by virtue of being a sequel. The tragedy of anakin skywalker is now a farce, the happy ot ending now a tragedy, and the mythopoetic structure shot to shit in the name of serialization and perpetual warfare. this stand true for all the sequel characters including rey and ben. the only question is are we going to get anything out of it? I compare it to home renovation. You can knock out a wall and the walls gone, but new opportunities arise. With Benlo, I’m reasonably confident that there will be at least some attempt to take advantage of the new space. With rey and the resistance kids? not so much. it just feels like they knocked down a blue wall to rebuild it as pink one and at the point it just feels like a waste of time because ive seen this before. Ive seen pure cinnamon roll desert orphan reform jedi order If this was all youre going to do that the fuck was the point? which circles around to my problem with team good guy this go around and That Scene. JJ twisted the story into a pretzel to justify the winners of the last round being the underdogs again and then rian twisted so much further the storys head may as well be up its own ass. And then at the very end he shoots it all to shit and rushes to reassure us its all gonna be okay. He removes the entire point of the underdog trope /the tension that comes from the fact that they might lose/. I mean there wasnt a whole lot of that to begin with already but really? So theres no tension that Reys gonna win so her journey feels frictionless, and theres no question where shes gonna end up so full offense why give a shit? Thats where the whole 'can rey lose a fight?’ thing comes from. Ppl want conflict in her arc to justify its existence and give us a reason why this her story to begin with. if the only character going through growth for all three movies is ben, if the only characters whos fate is up in the air is ben, and if all the tension in the reylo relationship comes from ben, then why is this /reys story/? why not just make it about the character actually driving all the drama and thus, the story?   As a final thought, im going to add that having Kylo be aware and insecure that hes never gonna be as Iconic as Vader was a great story choice, regardless of where ends up. Current Rebels, on the other hand, seems to have not gotten the memo that they are never gonna be as iconic as Original Rebels, and the story itself seems to being trying to sell them to me as being better. Rey is Luke but better, Poe/Finn are Han wo the smuggler grit, and id be lying if i said it didnt piss me off.

&

Long asks anon to kick down ur door again, AND ANOTHER THING. SW is a lotta things. Subtle aint one of them, and St hasnt changed in that regard. If you have to debate it chances are either a) ur arguing counter to the text in which case mor power to you but not really helpful for predictions or intended meaning or b) /it aint there. A bunch of ppl didnt like anidala, but nobody doubted we were supposed to think they were in love by the end of AOTC, bunch of ppl didnt like poes arc, but no one doubts he fucked up by not listening to holdo was the intended take away. Which brings to rey and flaws or lack there of. Were told rey has flaws but she has yet to suffer any real consequences from them with the exception of The Damn Parentage Wank, which again, pulls the double duty of making her hyper competent at everything. Because rey has no consequences for her flaws, from a story function pov there aren’t any. If rey did have a flaw to overcome, we would all agree what it was

Now won’t you all just look at this beautiful, spot on rant which has been lagging in my askbox since the last time Rey’s flaws or lack thereof were the discourse’s focus (November, I believe?) and suddenly became a thing again, courtesy of Tweetgate. I think you really summed up the crux of this debate wonderfully, anon.

I particularly agree with the part about Rey not getting narratively punished for whatever flaws we’d like her to have (great point about returning from behind the enemy lines with both arms still in place), when SW don’t stay away from allowing characters to get “punished” even for otherwise applaudable features - vide Padmé, whose idealism is what Palps manipulates into gaining more power (this is why Padmé will never come off as a Mary Sue or too perfect, btw). But I’ll say even more - Rey doesn’t even get called out on her flaws, except for by Ben, who’s mostly dismissed as a baddie like Palpatine saying Luke was foolish to rely on his friends. Let’s just consider one thing - both Anakin and Luke get called out on their flaws by Yoda (Anakin repeatedly and by lots of other people for that matter) whereas with Rey, the same grumpy-yet-jolly senex pops up from the afterlife to further inform us what a great jedi material she is.

TBH, I have a very cynical theory as to why Rey is being pushed as the main character while it’s difficult to deny that it’s Kylo Ben who does all the plot heavy lifting. I’m pretty sure Ben’s arc was the first one DLF thought out (and the big question is, was it the only one they thought out) and only later on decided to make Rey the main character, which also involved much less spontaneous writing. Mind you, it’s not as if benepemption didn’t have a manufactured subtaste to it, but with Rey’s heroine’s journey stiff structure occasionally substitutes any in-world explanations of her actions (this is why I have to hope renperor has some narrative purpose rather than happening because lovers need to be separated and anti-hero needs to achieve what he wanted in 2nd act). I feel as if whatever potential her character had (and hopefully still has, pending IX) got smothered by layer upon layer of making her likable by everyone, which largely relied on negative characterization: she’s not helpless, she’s not too naive, not cynical, not too emotional, not too emotionless, not morally corruptible, not anything you’ve ever complained about regarding any SW character, not falling for the bad boy, not not not - and in the end it’s kinda difficult to say what Rey is like and while the goal of making her widely likable was achieved, it also made it almost impossible to view her as loveably flawed/annoying like the classic characters. And on top of all this is the matter of making her a nobody just like you!, as DLF appears to say with uncle Sam’s gesture (which also kinda assumes the existence of a Star Wars fan as some uniform entity? because if you identify with her, good for you, I just don’t understand why the franchise assumes I’ll identify with her by the grace of being a SW fan alone), because, as you excellently put it, the message here is that everyone can be chosen by God - which again, it’s not as if the saga ever contradicted this, so why the hell make a case of it? I can’t agree that it’s made into Rey’s flaw, though, imo her low birth only serves to further frame her as an oppressed virtue. And I definitely agree regarding too much of her growth being left off-screen, or before the story ever begins. The problem here isn’t even that it is left off-screen (it’s not as if we had huge insight into any of the pt or ot characters) but rather that her characterizations is left off-screen while being depicted as at least untypical (unique to put it bluntly) for her situation (same goes for Finn). A hopeful, kind person growing up on her on her own in slavery under a nicer name is a rarity and DLF makes a case for it being a rarity - and this sparks up curiosity in her past, as if market pandering to Re/sky wasn’t enough. So from this pov her un-reveal being frustrating isn’t just a case of not wanting to love her or her self only a potentially deeper psychological question getting answered with well, light.

I should add, Ben’s arc feels like the most spontaneous one (though Finn’s may yet be a masterpiece) and he’s the one to admit his fear of not living up to Vader’s legacy, because I think he’s the character serving as the creators’ vessel, more or less like Luke was Lucas’ avatar in ot. In his fear regarding Vader’s legacy one can feel Disney’s fear due to having bought popculture’s holy grail and not being entirely sure what to do with it. On this background, Rey (a literal scavenger of OT’s pieces) and rebels 2.0 repeatedly blessed by Leia come off as what DLF would want to be. And the result is that the character which was supposed to be Vader 2.0 proves the most original and surprising one, whereas “breaths of fresh air” come off as room aromatizers with “fresh” written on them.

And as far as the plot being bended into a pretzel and then disappearing up it’s own ass, well, a part of me is still hoping that taking virtually the same villains as before is a mythological-psychoanalitical metaphor of a nigredo repeating itself until the unconscious gets accepted by the conscious…. but, tbh, as the leaks flow this hope is withering.

[not-poignant]

1/2 Re: your last anti-anti post. It's weird for me because for so long I didn't even get why some stuff (like in your example, hs student/teacher) warranted the underage warning. In my country, the age of consent is 14. (I live in the EU; fyi) Nobody bats an eyelid here for 15-16 year olds hooking up. Doing so with a teacher **IRL** would raise questions, sure, but more so for the power imbalance and dynamic rather than one party's youth.

2/2 It’s strange and tbh uncomfortable for me how much hate gets thrown on these works and authors when it’s a rather normal part of life here. ¯\_(ಠ_ಠ)_/¯ I guess Americanization does that to you. And that’s just the RL-aspect of it - the other huge point being fiction≠RL, but as you’ve mentioned people genuinely struggle understanding that. =/             

*

I definitely think like, Americanisation and the imposition of American cultural rules onto other parts of the world that have different rules, is actually a part of the shitty attitudes towards underage fics in general that have sprung up out of the anti movement. (Because it’s never genuine pedophilia they’re crusading against but like, movies like Call Me By Your Name, *sighs loudly*)

(Under the Read More, I talk a bit about American cultural imperialism and some of the tie ins it has with anti culture, so like, idk, enter at your own risk I guess?)

While our age of consent is different, it’s definitely lower than that of the United States. And so a lot of these conversations I see about how like, how we should treat minors universally, only apply narrow-spectrum rules from a corner of the globe that - for all that it seems to rule the english-speaking internet - is not actually the only population that makes up the internet.

Back when I was at university, ‘Americanisation’ was called American Cultural Imperialism (like, how to explain the local cultural erosion that happens when countries acquire a lot of US products like media), which I actually love as a term, in terms of how much ACI asserts itself over the lived experiences of people in other countries and how often that shames the lived experiences of people in other countries. Or how we’re expected to change our rules and standards to fit theirs. I have been told I should be using Australian grammar on AO3 because it’s a site based in America (I wonder if those people go to all the fics where folks are writing in languages other than English and being equally dickish? God I hope not).

When it comes to age of consent, and age issues in general, I just feel like to have very hard and fast rules over it is - in part - to disrespect the governance and decisions other countries have made, and the citizens that live within those countries pretty happily tbh. I believe in nuance and I believe in graded scales, and talking to people from many different countries for over twenty years has taught me that y’know, a lot of the world lives very differently to me and they’re perfectly happy, and that my country isn’t the Right Way for all Australians, let alone for all people ever.

And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that some of the loudest voices and the most Fundamentalist voices are sometimes coming from a place where like, some of these people (not all, for sure, but definitely some) expect their cultural rules and views to apply all over the world in the same way. And it’s just not like that. Even something like age of consent is subjective enough to change from country to country, to change from year to year, decade to decade, state to state.

I’m not against fictional underage anyway. There are circumstances where I find it uncomfortable or where I wish it didn’t exist (in the same way that I wish that some super violent video games didn’t exist, but where I then go: ‘well, that’s something I don’t fully understand and that bothers me, but it hasn’t led to an increase in X crimes, so clearly something is happening there that I’m ignorant of’ rather than ‘this makes me uncomfortable, therefore, we must BURN IT WITH FIRE’). But in the majority of circumstances, I just don’t really care enough about it because I know it doesn’t - when well-tagged for - do damage in existing. It is, to me, no different than the explicit rape and murder in Game of Thrones or the dismembering and slow stalking of human beings in Dexter. It’s uncomfortable, it’s taboo, it can reflect problematic things in society we need to discuss (note: discuss, not: verbally tell people they should kill themselves for writing/reading it), and fictional spaces exist so this stuff can exist. Fiction wasn’t only invented for the tame shit. It was kind of never there for the tame shit. The tame shit takes up space there too, but honestly, fiction was invented for our taboo shit.

Anyone who has looked at original fairy tales, or folklore, can see pretty clearly that while stories of hope existed, it was actually the taboo shit that was the domain of our fiction. From almost all cultures (I’d say all cultures, but I haven’t researched all cultures, lol).

We wouldn’t have room for sunshiny fluffy stuff in the first place if we didn’t make fictional room for the dark stuff, the cautionary tales, the grim folklore that had bad endings, the fairy tales since the dawn of time that had underage, incest, rape, forced weddings and more. It is one of the backbones of the human psyche that will never be eliminated - many people need a place to safely explore that Id.

Anyway, I’m rambling now. But yeah, anon, I completely agree with you. Also *high fives* for living in a country with a different age of consent and then sometimes having moments where like ‘wait what? How is 17 underage? OH. Americans probably.’

[hitandrunduorp-a]

Diverging Paths

@hxnterwxlf​

//TBH I’ve had this on my google docs forEVER, and after rereading it again I wanted to share it. Set in the ‘School Days’ AU, rather than Ezhno being sold off... Mattie’s life ended up taking a different turn instead...\\

______________________________

It had been close to six months since Matthew moved from the little town, now half a state away from the native. Though apart, Ezhno would almost always be talking to his boyfriend, be it through countless text,  or hours on end phone calls...

Matthew had told him he was adjusting well enough to the new school and home. His parents went back to being an officer and a nurse, and the blond spent a bit of time with some girls he’s made friends with, and now was almost like an older brother to them.

Though eventually everything...stopped? No texts, no calls, nothing...and for close to a month, Ezhno would only be able to worry and panic. What was going on?!

Eventually, he’d finally get a call...but it wasn’t Matthew who spoke.

“Umm, i-is this Ezhno?” A familiar voice could be heard, quiet and dazed, but it was unmistakable.

“...Andrew?”

“Ah, it is you...! Awesome...”

“Andrew! W-What’s going on?! Where’ve you guys been?!? Where’s Mattie?!” Panic slowly set in as he listened, hearing Alfred groan a little in pain. Was he alright?

“...that’s...why I called... Are you able to chat for a bit? Oh, I, uh, suggest you sit too...”

“...what happened?!” A deep sigh could be heard through the phone, and a moment of silence until the twin spoke up once more.

“...It’s been a hell of a month, I tell ya... You remember the girls, Mattie's’ friends? Well, a couple of them had boyfriends, nasty bastards that all but hit them... He... he helped them escape their relationships and kept them protected... The guys had tried a few times to jump him, but they’re scrawny little potheads; not really much of a threat to Mattie.

...one day though, when I was walking home...my club meeting was cancelled, so I ran, trying to catch up to Mattie and walk home with him. I passed an alley and...and I saw him cornered by the two guys...and a third one I didn’t recognize. I jumped in to help Mattie and after a few minutes of fighting I...remember a sharp pain and just...falling. Turns out, I found out that the third guy was a drop-out who was in a gang...and he had a knife,” Another soft groan escaped the twin as he could be heard moving, assumingly trying to get comfortable.

“Our phones at one point fell from our pockets and got wrecked during it all. The two assholes freaked when they saw what happened and ran; they wanted to intimidate Mattie, not go to jail for murder...

...This...is where things get fuzzy... I remember waking up in the hospital, and Mattie was at my bedside, asleep. A nurse came in and explained that I...nearly died from blood loss when I arrived...

...a week later, while I was healing still, I tanked again. Turns out the knife was severely dirty, more than the doctors thought. I got really sick from a bad infection and... and Mattie was right there, watching my vitals go from fine to absolute chaos... They apparently had to sedate him to finally get him out of the room.

I’ve...only been home for less than a week, or I’d have found a way to call you sooner...we don’t have landlines, and I’m using my mom’s phone right now...” Through all this, Andrew’s voice had been growing quieter and shakier, sounding as if he was trying to keep from breaking down.

“...where’s Mattie, Andrew...?”

“...he’s gone,” Those two words made the other’s blood run cold. He didn’t...he didn’t mean- “He’s not dead but...he’s gone...”

“...wh-wha...?” Ezhno could only stare ahead blankly as he heard the twin sigh heavily.

“...when Mattie finally returned to school, the girls avoided him and downright ignored him...I was still heavily sedated so I...I could barely talk to him... I found out later that the guys, the exes, had threatened all of them that if they talk to Mattie, they’d kill me, him and then them... they were so scared for our safety, and, well, as he wrote in the letter for us...it was too much for him,” Ezhno was shaking, a mixture of fear, anger, and disbelief.

“...where are those guys?” His anger bubbled in his chest, but what he hadn’t expected was the soft, tired chuckle from over the phone. “...what are you not telling me, Andie?”

“Well, as I said...Mattie wrote he left because he was so alone and hurt...but I remember...the last night I saw him. He looked so calm and peaceful as we talked. At first, I thought he was calm because he had decided on leaving...

...it’s been a week since he left...and turns out yesterday, three bodies were found; mauled and mutilated. It apparently took a while to finally ID the guys...I think you can guess who they were. Being the place they were at, the police chalked it up to ‘gang-related’, and left it at that...”

“A-Andrew...you can’t be insinuating-”

“I can, and I am,” The black haired male tensed at Andrew’s seemingly calmness over what he was saying. “This has him written all over it...”

“Andrew, are you hearing yourself?! Mattie would never kill someone!” Ezhno snapped. That dear sweet blond he loved so much...he couldn’t! He always looked so guilty for hurting someone!!

“...If I hadn’t seen him nearly do this before, I’d agree with ya, bro,” His heart stopped, emerald eyes widening as he trembled. He was out in Whisper’s den, the wolfdog having been asleep this whole time and only waking at his human’s outburst.

“You’re right on one part; he hates hurting people. He’s got a giant bleeding heart, and he cares so much about others...But you saw what he did when Mel ruined his life; he didn’t do all that because it ruined only his life. It affected you, me, mom and dad...That was why he went out of his way to destroy her image. When he heard she offed herself? Shit, I heard him laugh at that...

...Mattie’s dangerously protective, and between not being able to contact you, nearly losing me twice, and finding out the girls were being threatened?

...I’m damn sure he left because he knew what he was planning on doing...and I don’t think he can face mom and dad for that sort of sin,” Andrew sighed, rubbing his face a little. Ezhno stayed silent, eyes staring hard at the ground, not even reacting as Whisper sat up, pressing his cold, wet nose against the teen, trying to make him feel better.

“He...left a letter for you. He asked in mine that I...that I get it to you. Do you know where I could, uh, mail it to you or something?”

“...Hold onto it for a bit for me, will ya? I’ll...I gotta go...but I’ll come visit and get it myself,”

“...alright. And Ez? I’m...I’m sorry...that I couldn’t have called you sooner about this... I’m so fuckin sorry, man...”

After the call, Ezhno could only cry and scream in frustration, emotions running wild. 

He lost his light, his sun, his life...

He was all alone...

______

My dearest love,

If you’re reading this, then I suppose Andrew managed to get this to you...unless you ARE him, in which case, put the letter back, Andie.

...I wanted to start off by saying; I’m sorry.  I’m sorry for many things; for losing contact with you, for not being stronger, or smarter… but what I’m most sorry for right now, is… that I may not see you for a while… Things have happened, and I’m sure Andie’s told you the brunt of what happened. I can’t stay here anymore, it all...hurts. And I know I’m going to do something I will regret...not because I’ll regret the action, but because of how it will affect all those around me.

...I’m going to be going away for a while. I think I need some time alone...and I don’t think I could face you, not with a clear conscience...but I promise you, I’ll come home to you one day…

...if you...hate me for this, I wouldn’t blame you, or during that time you find another...someone who better deserves you, who makes you happy...I’ll hold no ill will...I just want you to be happy, live happily, and if you find your happiness with another...then I hope one day we can be friends again at least?

I love you, Ezhno. Now and until my dying breath, my heart only belongs to you. And I hope that one day...you can forgive me for this… 

Forever yours,

Mattie

Ezhno read and reread the letter. It’s been two years since then, and he’s never stopped waiting, hoping...looking. With the letter was a cheque, and a post-it note attached to it, asking the other to use it to find a home, and escape his uncle...and after a long while, he’s managed to do so, a small cottage hidden deep within a forest...but that wasn’t where he was right now.

He kept in contact with Andrew, who after a while started getting postcards, never signed, but they knew who it was from...it had to be him. So, here he was in Las Vegas, the last lead they had for now...course, who knows if he was here...but Andrew hadn’t received a new one in a couple months…

It was late, Ezhno wandering the flat with careful eyes. Shops littered the streets, prostitutes shamelessly handing out call cards to passerbyers, and others advertising various casinos and strip clubs, trying to entice customers into pouring their wallets out. The native sighed heavily, before deciding to give up for the night. He had been searching all day...but he figured he’d go get a drink or two before going back to his hotel room.

Finding a gay club he walked in, looking around boredly. It was a lot like the old place he worked at, the major appeal of the place being the anonymity it held with the workers, everyone wearing masks of some sort; some more elaborate, Venetian masterpieces, and others who didn’t seem to mind possibly being recognized, wearing thin wire ‘masks’ that looked more like veils in a way.

Finding a seat, Ezhno waited for one of the servers to come by and take his order as he watched someone perform on stage. They were alright, but an amateur for sure...He guessed they must have started recently.

“Alright gentlemen~ Give a round for our new little kitten~” Called it. Some hollers and whistles were heard, the performer was flustered as he bolted off, mentally making Ezhno chuckle. Sorta reminded him how Mattie would get...so flustered and adorable...but that dancer was brown haired and darker skinned, olive-ish, so he knew it wasn’t him…

“I know, I know, all you hungry dogs are just dying for this next guy~! You know him, and you all love him~ Come and play, Vixen!” Lights cut out for a moment, and as they came back on, the next performer was already center stage, back against the pole as the music kicked up.

This dancer was far better than the last, his body keeping in time with the music. Wearing a small red ‘cloak’ and hood, all that could be seen on his face was his lips as he sang, and the fox-like mask that hid him from the crowd.

♪ Each and every day

Hiding from the sunshine

Wandering in the shade

Not too old, not too young ♪

♪ Every night again

Dancing with the moonlight

Somewhere far away

I can hear your call ♪

His voice rang, his body moving fluidly with the beat before he walked, moving off the stage and towards the crowd. Ezhno hadn’t realized how hard he’d been staring, finally pulling his gaze away as he looked around, seeing all the enchanted men around him, looking just as the DJ said; like nothing more than starved mutts.

♪ Sneaking in the pain

Every truth becomes lie

I won't trust myself

Once I hear your call~  ♪

As the performer walked, he would momentarily sit in some men's lap, teasingly holding their chins, or trailing a finger down their chests. Unless they were slipping bills into his short shorts, any who got handsy were left behind, the performer moving to another customer to tease...at least, until he got to Ezhno.

♪ I'm out of my head

Of my heart and my mind

'Cause you can run but you can't hide

I'm gonna make you mine♪

He slipped himself onto the native’s lap, but unlike any other man, he was all over him, hands none too shyly rubbing the other’s chest. Being so close, Ezhno could see the mask’s subtle details, looking almost like it was painted to look like flames burning around the dancer’s eyes...though trying to see behind it, there was a thin veil of black fabric, hiding the other’s details...they looked almost blue...but not quite...

♪ Out of my head

Of my heart and my mind ♪

The other smirked, moving to the side to nip Ezhno’s jaw ever so slightly, pale hands wrapping around the other in a type of ‘hug, as he grew closer to the older male’s ear.

♪ Cause I can feel how your flesh now

Is crying out for more… ♪

Ezhno felt stunned, but he wasn’t sure why...and questions would be left unanswered as all too soon, the other had slipped off his lap, giving him a small wink as a few gold curls peaked out of the crimson hood… and soon he was back on stage, continuing his routine, many not caring about what just happened, while others were glaring daggers into the native.

When he was done, and a few kisses were blown to the crowd, the dancer disappeared behind the curtain, men hollering and howling. Ezhno though, just stared at the drink he was brought, finally. For the first time in a long one, his heart was racing. 

“Sir?” A larger man walked up to him, a security guard going by the tag on his hip. “Could you please come with me” “Why?” “Well, lets just say that a certain ‘Vixen’s taken a liking to you,” So, the dancer wants to see him? Maybe at least he’s going to get some answers. So, as much as he didn't want to, he ignored the glares and scowls as the guard guided Ezhno, and eventually stopped at one of the private showrooms. 

Walking in, he would see it was set up almost like a miniature version of the main room; a long, plush bench built into the wall at one side, a stage with a pole on the other, and off to the side was a minibar. ‘Vixen’ was currently sitting on the bench, legs crossed and a glass of wine in his hand...to most, the scene would be quite seductive…

“I’m glad you accepted my invitation~” He motioned for Ezhno to sit, and he obliged, but at no point did he look happy. It was obvious he was here for something, and pleasure wasn’t at all a factor here. Vixen moved onto his lap again, but he didn’t do anything, not like out on the floor. “...why did you want me here?” “Mmm, why not~?” The smaller mused, a hand slowly trailed to loosely rest around the other’s neck again, one hand gently dragging a finger along Ezhno’s jawline teasingly. “You’re a new face~” The boy purred, moving ever so closer to Ezhno. “Really?” He growled lowly; this was a waste of his time. “I’m not in the mood to be playing games, fox,” “Ooh~? How boorish~” The other teased. Their noses were nearly touching before squeaking as he was pushed back off and onto the bench as Ezhno got up to leave. He wanted a drink, but now he needed a whole damned bottle…

“...My, my~… Is the Wolf really so upset that he can’t find his little bunny~?”

 His hand gripped the doorknob when he froze, eyes snapping back at the other who was sitting there, an amused grin on his lips. His hood had fallen, revealing the golden blond locks that framed his face, and Ezhno could only stare, emerald eyes wide. “Or maybe he can’t find him...because he was never the ‘innocent little rabbit’ he was believed to be…”

He felt like he was in a trance. Ezhno walked back over, before falling to his knees before the other, disbelief written all over his face. Vixen moved again, slipping down to the floor with the other, wrapping his arms tightly around Ezhno as he pulled the other close, their lips barely touching…

“It’s been a while...mon cher loup~”

[cxnsigliere]

ALL THE QUESTIONS BINCH and no erica totally didnt send this to herself haha what r u talking about.

when u desperately send an ask meme to urself bc u just wanna talk about ur dumb oc for no reason whatsoever

1. What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

about 10 minutes for king! he really cannot stay still for very long tbh, blame it on ADHD for the most part. if he sits down for too long, he starts to get really antsy and squirms in his seat the whole entire time. also a big reason why he always be skippin class in his high school verses roijwoirjgaegogij

2. How easy is it for your character to laugh?

very easy! honestly king usually makes himself laugh more than anything else tho. hes the kind of person who laughs at his own jokes. but honestly all u gotta do is tell like even the world’s shittiest joke to him and he’ll probably start cryin from laughter

3. How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

usually he’s just out like a light, so he doesnt have to do very much to put himself to sleep. if theres ever a night where he cannot sleep tho, tHEN HE GETS OUT THE ALCOHOL UNTIL HE PASSES OUT DRUNK, KING NO THATS BAD,

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?

pretty easy tbh?? like as long as you dont scare him and ur nice to him, he’s probably gonna trust u right off the bat

5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

ALSO PRETTY EASY. it all just depends how you act towards him.

6. Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

i guess it depends idk. generally immovable tho, but then, when has king ever gave a single fuck about the law???????????

7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

he doesnt usually like to think about his past very much and avoids thinking about it as much as possible. he’s not sure what necessarily triggers any nostalgia for him– but when he’s left alone in silence with nothing but his own thoughts, that’s when he starts to think about his childhood, his dad, basically everything, and he hates it. thats why he very much prefers loud environments and likes to be in the company of other people, no matter who it is. he just hates having to think. if he’s ever in a situation where he’s stuck thinking about his past, especially if it has to do with amber kennedy or veronica delgado, he quickly turns to alcohol to drown out all his thoughts.

8. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child

his mother absolutely hated his smoking habits. of course, that wasn’t just him tho, bc his dad was a pretty heavy smoker too, but king would often be scolded by his mom because of it– especially when he ever got caught by a teacher smoking in school.

his father would often tell him, “Think before you say or do anything.” (as u can tell, its a lesson that went in one ear, out the other for king. lol) it’s because seeing as his dad was raising him to be a soldato someday, king would need a lot of brains for it. after all, working in the mafia can be very dangerous, and if you piss of the wrong people, you can obviously wind up dead very fast. and needless to say, king has always been skilled at pissing people off.

9. Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

DUDE king has the mouth of a SAILOR!!!!!!! in case u didnt notice in his thread with sam lmao. as for his first ever swear, he probably just said the classic ol’ “FUCK” but i highly doubt he remembers it, bc he’s been swearin literally since he was like 8. blame his parents for that, he picked it up from them from watching them shout swears at each other 24/7. ironically, he’d always smack his siblings on the back of the head if he ever heard either of them swear.

10. What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

the whole trial of Amber Kennedy’s murder tbh. that was basically nothing but lies, and how he first was able to get away with killing her for a while in the first place (until the case was reviewed ofc). it still haunts him, but not because he regrets killing Amber or anything, but more because that’s the whole reason his mother lost her job as a lawyer. he feels more bad about that than killing someone.

11. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

seek clarification! unless he’s trying to prove that he’s right about something.

12. Already answered!

13. What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

brown, as u can tell by his design which has like 93850245 shades of brown in it. id say its probably his best color! that, or red.

14. What animal do they fear most?

bIG DOGS

15. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

he talks like fuckin LIGHTNING man. he talks so goddamn fast, someone slow him down pls. he also never thinks before he says anything (often making him say the most horrible things at the wrong time). he’s got a very small vocabulary and hates using or even hearing big words.

16. What makes their stomach turn?

anything that’s like dark or “””scary”””. basically goth aesthetic? scares the shit outta him. i know it’s such a weird thing, but listen, king is a pussy.

17. Are they easily embarrassed?

not really. dude has no shame when it comes to most things, but there probably are certain things that can embarrass him.

18. What embarrasses them?

his fear of water! he sees it as such a silly thing to be deathly afraid of, and never wants to admit it.

19. What is their favorite number?

69 UHHHH 28 bc thats his lucky number!

20. If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

he doesn’t really know how to put it into words, but there certainly is a big difference with them. someone he’s romantically attracted to is the kind of person that will make his heart skip a beat or make him easily flustered and be with all day every day!

for platonic, it depends on just how deep that friendship goes– like a simple friendly acquaintance he couldnt really give less of a fuck about, its just someone he can joke around with, but there does come a point where they feel like a second family to him, and he would go into harm’s way to protect that person, so long as it doesn’t put his life at risk.

for familial love, it’s a little complicated with him. King loves all of his family very much, but after all that he did to his parents in his earlier years, he knows that they don’t always feel the same way toward him, or most people in his family are just so disappointed with how he turned out, that he couldn’t handle it– it’s such a big reason why he faked his death and abandoned most of his family aside for a few. he wants to protect them, and to do so, he feels he should just stay away from them. (tbh tho hes probably right his family dont deserve him)

21. Why do they get up in the morning? 

mostly just bc he’s got that Elderly Person Sleep Schedule™ hONESTLY. he goes to sleep very early and wakes up early. for no reason in particular either, it’s just the way he likes. unless, of course, there comes a night where he blacks out drunk, in which case, his sleep schedule is all over the place.

22. How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? 

SEEING SOMEONE HE WANTS THE ATTENTION OF HAVING FUN WITH SOMEONE ELSE….. it can be either a friend or a lover, but if they’re having fun without him and completely ignore him, hE’LL GET SO MAD LIKE JFC…… he’s been getting better about it, but it can become scary real fast at some point. he’s very, very possessive and gets jealous VERY easily. mostly just bc he wants all the attention 24/7

23. How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?

he hates hates hates seeing people with their dads. he gets so jealous and remembers “oH HEY, MY DAD IS FUCKIN’ DEAD. HAHA!!!” he doesn’t actually do anything about it, but he does become very pouty and depressed. probably a great time for alcohol for him tbh

24. Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom?

absolutely!!!!!! he’ll talk about it with almost just about anyone bc he has no shame.

25. What are their thoughts on marriage? 

he’s not really sure, and he’s a little hesitant to think about marriage (at least rn anyway bc hes still p young). after his countless shitty experiences with relationships in the past, and witnessing how bad his mom and dad’s marriage was, it’s really not something he likes to think about.

26. What is their preferred mode of transportation?

any old-fashioned ass car tbh. any car from the 30s? hell yes.

27. What causes them to feel dread?

anything that makes him feel threatened in any way tbh

28. Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

YES. ABSOLUTELY. he’d rather hear what he wants to hear than what he needs to hear.

29. Do they usually live up to their own ideals?

well his ideal self would be to be exactly like his dad, and so far, that is nOT THE CASE. SO NOPE.

30. Who do they most regret meeting?

AMBER

31. Already answered!

32. Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke?

not really. he forgets most of the shit he says bc he has a terrible memory.

33. Could they be considered lazy?

nah, i dont think so. he’s almost always outside wandering around and actually doing productive shit, and hates feeling lethargic.

34. How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

BINCH IT STAYS WITH HIM FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE-

35. How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive?

sure! i mean it depends what it is tho

36. Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?

he actively seeks it– i mean he’s not gonna go around searching for some cute person, but if he just so happens to see someone he finds attractive, u bet ur ass he’s gonna go flirt with that person.

37. Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)?

not really. if it’s something that’s really important, he’ll just write it down in a mini notepad he always has with him.

38. Already answered!

39. How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?

it depends who it is. if it’s someone he likes, he usually just ignores all their flaws and holds them in a “theyre fucking perfect in every way omfg” viewpoint. if it’s someone that generally bugs him, basically every single thing they do annoys the shit out of him.

40. How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

very much so, especially when they’re pointed out at all! but he usually refuses to think about it, because he wants to believe he’s practically perfect (he knows deep down he isnt tho)

41. How do they feel about children?

king loves kids, and wants children when he’s older someday! which is ironic, bc he actually SUCKS with kids. dont let him have any. pls.

42. How badly do they want to reach their end goal?

he’s not really sure what his end goal is at the moment.

43. If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?

“girls are nice as FUCK, but also, who the hell gives a shit, ill fuck anyone”he doesnt even know what his sexuality is tbh, rip king

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?

GOD as infuriating as king can be, he’s just so exciting to write!!!!! like, it’s impossible to be in a bad mood when ur writing with king, its so fun.

B) What inspired you to create them?

i wanted to make an oc that looked kinda like Q from Street Fighter, and I also based him heavily on Al Capone! As to how I came up with the alias ‘King’, i literally got it from King from Tekken bc why not. except oc King himself thought of it bc he lived in Kings, New York

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

not really! king is pretty unpredictable, even for me, but he’s so easy to fit into just about anything.

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

ive edited how he looks a LOT tbh. when i first made him, his design was a lot more simple, and he was sKINNY….. and god let me tell u, looking back, seeing king as skinny is so unsettling. his scarred eye also changed a lot, i used to b a lazy ass and just draw a black line through his eye, but now its like FULL ON WIDE-OPEN SLASH THAT FUCKING DESTROYED HIS PUPIL AND IRIS YKNOW… idk just small things like that

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

HELL NO……… NOT AT ALL. im the type of person king would be afraid of, and he has a lot of personality traits in him that i dESPISE IN A PERSON……….. like if i met king irl id probably try to fight him honestly.

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

UHHH A LOT OF EMOTIONS GOIN ON THERE MAN. im proud of him like ooc wise bc hes such a unique muse with a unique backstory that so many people actually enjoy and wanna hear about, and holy shit that makes me so happy?!?!?! but also ANGERY bc. well, i mean, its king. hes an aSSHOLE.

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

BOY THERES A LOT, but if i had to go with one, probably the fact that king nEVER OWNS UP TO HIS MCFUCKING MISTAKES!!!!! like if u call him out on his bullshit he’ll be all like “UM I DID NOTHING WRONG, WHY AM I BEING BULLIED??” AND IT MAKES ME SO MAD, I WANNA SMACK HIM!!!!!!!

H) What trait do you admire most?

hes funny as hell, like, u gotta give him that. whether he means to be funny or not, hE CRACKS ME THE HELL UP

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

tbh yes, bc he kinda is meant to be a huge New Yorker dude, and he doesnt fit very well in any verse where he has like magic powers or shit like that bc i can only see him as a plain ass human being tbh??? idk if that makes any sense but. i mEAN I DONT REALLY CARE THO, ILL STILL THROW HIM IN LIKE 100000 VERSES ANYWAY.

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

not really i think idk????? i mean ive had to revamp his backstory like a SHIT TON SO MANY TIMES, and even now i still sometimes get like huge realizations of his backstory that can definitely change every now and then. and back in the Olden Days™, i used to write him as like this huge moody crybaby, but also someone who had no fears whatsoever and overpowered as fuck and eventually i was like “ok i gotta buckle the fuck down and actually write him the way i see him, tf am i doing :/” and GOD i hate the way i used to write him when i first made him and shit, he had such an edgy backstory and his personality was like “LOL NO WEAKNESSES” but lOOK AT HIM NOW…….. he has come a long way as a character and im happy

[chickenfetus]

ALL MY EGG (and for the four names: jae, killer kang, minhyuk (whichever one), and santa

deadass i did the 100 questions ask meme for this ask and almost posted it rip

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?

theres literally nothing i dont even know what to say ???? 

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?

not 2 be delusional but i would give up my world to hug changkyun

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

glaceon is UP THERE idk why honestly but the sinnoh games were my first and i just??? i was really into ice and snow and shit u know so glaceon... thakn u

another pkmn ill always have is lucario ????? its just so cool?????

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?

hopefully forgiveness and like???? acknowledging mistakes and learning from those u know jst positive stuff and like?? water. god i love water

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

hm okay i think this one was from last night or the night b4??? and like???? idk???? i dont even know how 2 start tbh?

so im like hanging over at this two kid’s im a kid 2 i think place and idk we just talk and shit??? idk whomst the boys were tho

and then we get to a scene where its like??? at a train station???? and i go to the washroom to shit or smth idk thankfully i didnt shit myself irl

then i have to get onto the train which isnt even a train its like a carousel with seats??? and its like on a train track boys this is 2 much and i forgot to get ready my train card thing so the guy (who i was p sure was evil) waited for me to remove it so i got onto the transportation device lmao

and then once im seated i remember i forgot my jacket so i make like hand movements 2 the creep and hes runnig 2 me with my jakcet but the ride’s way too fast so i yell and say ill come back for it even tho im p sure i wasnt going 2

after that i wke up wild

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?

i dont have a best friend and all of my friends have their own unique qualities if i went into a rant abt them rn this will b so long

😘 talk about your crush or partner

[minhyuk voice] theres none

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

ya bc im petty but it really depends on the person

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)

my personality (the good parts)

my values

my taste in friends (my Big Friends are either geminis or scorpios good)

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?

the dark and bitch isnt gonna turn off her night light any time soon

🎁 what never fails to make you happy?

seeing my favourite happy, listening to the music i like 

💙 what annoys you about some people?

i jjust went into a full out rant abt this on the other reply so ill be quiet now

😤 do you get angry easily?

yeahhhhh 

🐇 what do you always daydream about?

my faves tbh

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?

bad people , gone.

everybody only sends love and happy things on anon

i just want everyone 2 b nice & friendly wars of any sort dont exist and no one wants anybody dead

🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?

if u sent jae’s name earlier id have trouble so im glad

kiss: tihis is so fucking embarrassing wtf minhyku (mx) but only on the cheek basically everywhere except the lips or anyplace weird

befriend: brian :-0

kill: jae goodbye loser

marry: sanha we can yell every time we gotta turn the lights off

✈️ what is your dream city and why?

tokyo bc its NICE

☕️ talk about your ideal day

cant read

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?

i suddenly thought of the word ambivore which made me think of the word vore i wanna delete im a both? mayb idk

💧 when was the last time you cried?

nov 3 bc my heart hurts whenever i see ppl being a bad friend

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment

oh worm

all alone - day6

with you - astro

dramarama - mx (even though it isnt out yet lmao)

run - bts (the superior bts song)

hellevator - / (i was rly gonna make this mixed languages but rip)

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?

to fly bc im basic

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

dont do that

💚 who are you jealous of and why?

nobody in general????????? 

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?

intelligence i have 2 live somehow what if my money gets stolen

🙊 what are you ashamed of?

my humor

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?

i (barely) know chinese despite having 2 take it all my life legends only

i know english but im bad at that 2 and its my first language once again legends only

i wanna learn japanese and korean 

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?

the cow from voltron 

☁️ talk about your dream universe.

weve already discussed this

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?

oh w-0rm ok so im a regular anon on this persons blog and i wanted to send an ask but never got arnd doing it so im gonna send her one. soon/

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

let me live my life as a furry and cat

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike

are u ready 4 me to b the meanest person yet bc i sure am lets fucking go

so theres this girl. and i know her (unfortunately) and ive known her since like 4 years ago and back then she was already pretty shit tbh

she cried bc she had to sit in between the “weird” and “dirty” girls in our class and she headass cried in front of them and everyone just bc she didnt like the arrangement?? shes called the “dirty” girl disgusting before and has made fun of her in front of everybody its just bad :-/

now. fast forward 3 years and in addition to still being disrespectful and rude, she now vocalizes her weird fantasies for her “oppas”??? some examples: 

“when i go watch __ perform im gonna climb onto stage and then my mother and my future husband will fight for me” and she calls those kpop idols weird shit and basically sexualizes them/???? she says the weirdest fucking shit on her ig story and tags them??????? 

another thing. she went to korea nd took a picture of a complete stranger and posted it on her public ig and called him her “oppa” and said that they had a “fun day together” despite the guy not knowing her at all???? she posted the pic of him??? i still dont get it tbh 

she wasnt even being ironic at all??? she calls herself & classmates “autistic” whenever she/others do smth dumb or mess up and its just sososososo fucking wrong

being one of the people to see how shes basically grown from bad to worse is something i dont fucking enjoy and i jsut want to leave my class already lmao 

ok but there are times where i do appreciate her because sometimes the class will be rly quiet and the teacher is basically talking 2 themselves but she’ll always respond w/o fail so thats great but its only bc she talks so damn much 

i just got a flashback to when she “jokingly” said she wanted to be a trainee for the rest of her life how do i just. god

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately

we’ve once again already discussed this

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

i wanted to be various things honestly?? ranging from an astronaut to a vet to an editor to an animator to other stuff i get influenced pretty easily so if i watch smth and i think its cool ill want 2 be that i guess?? ive been trying 2 get rid of that habit so now i have no clue what i wanna be

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?

sweets and chocolate cake

🍑 what are you obsessed with?

drinking water and staying hydrated

making my friends laugh is great 2

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?

acne LMAO 

😪 what are you sick of?

the usual

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?

i love scouting on sif and bandori so yeah 

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?

lets not 

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?

to a certain extent

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?

use my phone???? send nice anons and comment on art/fics 

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?

none

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?

my tolerance for ppl’s shit is so low

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?

my ocs

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?

i dont have a dream hence myself

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you?

infpt i dont rmb shit but yeah

🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!

falen i dont rmb what u sent

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?

i dont follow any :-o zendaya has had my heart ever since shake it off tho

🐴 opinion on day6?

ur rly gonna do this 2m e?

all alone just started playng this is terrible lets get it

so day6. a band i only found out about in late june (thank u boxy) and before this i only ever listened to bts and mx bc my friends stan them so i thought i was gonna expect boys dancing, the usual. 

i clicked i smile and i lost my fucking shit as soon as i saw the instruments because prior to day6 i was a big 5sos fan so this was rly resonating to me tbh and i was just !!! so fukcng excited??? i never intended to even get into day6 honestly??? but after witnessing how good they are and watching about all of the available mvs at that point i was completely in awe so i caved a created a stan twitter for them.

now, this isnt even the most of it. after becoming a fan i realized how much more these 5 boys are. they compose (if im not wrong) and brian writes lyrics for the songs each month because of their everyday6 project and again, im wow-ed because??? the amount of dedication???? they went from releasing 2 title tracks in 2 years to releasing 12 title tracks and 12 bside tracks in a single year. they havent released the december song yet but haviing to work on 2 or more songs in 4 weeks is fucking amazing if you ask me. 

theyre really talented and theyre just so versatile (am i using that word correctly) and each month their songs sound different. this project has given them the opportunity to try new things and you can hear the steady improvement in each of their vocals (dowoonie not so much since he barely gets lines, but we all know hes working hard) and if you listen to their debut song - kongchu and compare it to the version they released along with sunrise it just???? the drumming has even changed from the original version nd its so noticeable that whenever i hear kongchu from 2015 i know its the old ver

to add to those, they do vlives every week and although those vlives are always scheduled it still makes my day seeing them and watching them do the usual. 

one thing im upset about is that how they barely promote themselves, they rarely get on variety shows (the most is individual schedules) and we, as mydays never really get to know the boys so its harder to fall for them as a whole. i dont know if its jyp or day6′s decision but if this is how they want to be known for - their music only, then so be it. we still have jae’s presence on youtube, music access and asc. thats the most we can get and it makes it difficult for us to learn about the rest but thats okay.

another thing. their concerts are something i always look forward to (even though my interest has died down a bit;) their concerts are just so fun to listen to?? there’ll always be mydays who stream the concert so everyone else can listen to them play and they sound so good live it drives me crazy. mydays are always so hyped and whenever mydays sing along it just gives me goosebumps??? bc theyre so???? good????? 

tldr; day6 deserve more, following wise and promotions wise because they work so hard and once this project ends i hope they’ll manage to rest but still remain as a presence that will be known instead of returning to jyp’s dungeon.

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?

there are days where i am more emotional than usual 

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

this is tiring

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?

i sleep and boy it really helps

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?

rest

🌍 which country do you live in?

singapore

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words

lame funny swag

🐵 which quotes changed you?

“rocky swag” - park minhyuk, 2017

💭 do you keep a diary?

nope

💫 who inspires you?

brian kang 

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?

yes bc i love losing sleep

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

terrible

🎬 what are some of your favourite films?

i watched spiderman homecoming and i have no idea why i didnt see the plot twist coming but its GOOD watch it

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?

theres none lads

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?

all my internet buddies but sometimes i dont want to bc im kinda....gross

[ventus-shmentus]

1 through 100 for the question time?

oh man this is gonna keep me busy, thank you anon

1.) is there a boy/girl in your life?

*** sadly no, I've been single for like 3 years now

2.)  think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

*** yes! I generally try to forgive most ppl because I h a t e being angry w ppl

3.) what do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

*** there was a girl in middle school that always stared me down and meowed at me at lunch???

4.) what’s something you really want right now?

*** strawberry lemonade from O’Charley’s

5.) are you afraid of falling in love?

*** thank god no, I love loving people

6.) do you like the beach?

*** yeah my fam goes every year for vacay and we spread my brothers ashes in the ocean and stuff so it’s comforting to go bc it’s like he’s still with me??

7.) have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

*** tried to, but I have a lot of problems falling asleep so it didn't work out too well

8.) what’s the background on your cell?

*** my lock screen is me and a best friend and my home bg is a pic of ventus

9.)name the last four beds you were sat on?

***my sisters, my moms, faith’s, and Ryder’s if you count being sat on by dogs (I think thats what the question is asking lmao??)

10.) do you like your phone?

*** most of the time, yeah. the calls get messed up a lot tho and the battery sucks

11: honestly, are things going the way you planned?

*** god no, it’d be weird if they were. I'm doing much much better in life than I originally expected 

12: who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

*** probs the girls from my DBT therapy group

13: would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?

*** omg Rottweiler for sure,,, I love big doggies and they're such big babies

14: which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

*** I can't really answer this because they’re both felt in different ways

15: would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

*** I've never been to an art museum so id have to say zoo for now

16: are you tired?

*** heck yea my mom lost my sleep medication, I'm so tired to the point where I'm listening to Soulja boy and I'm not sure if its real or not

17: how long have you known your 1st phone contact?

*** like???? 15 years??

18: are they a relative?

*** nope just my sisters friend 

19: would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

*** someone please kill me if I ever get back with one of my exes

20: when did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

*** honestly I can’t remember, probably like last month?

21: if you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

*** nonono I'm nowhere near ready to settle down in life like that. I'm only 19 and like I've never even had a job and I don't have my license and shit,,, def not ready for marriage

22: would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

*** yeah he was a good kisser, too bad I barely remember it lmao

23: how many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

*** 2 a hair tie and a friendship bracelet

24: is there a certain quote you live by?

*** Donald Duck going “WAK!”

25: what’s on your mind?

*** what happened to Kevin Jonas

26: do you have any tattoos?

*** no but I was planning on getting one soon as tribute to my brother

27: what is your favorite color?

*** yellow!! its so happy and bright

28: next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

*** heck idk no one ever seems interested in me so like?? its up to them bc I'm down to kiss like 90% of the people I know

29: who are you texting?

*** my boi Ryder bc he's coming over to give me birthday stuff

30: think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

***nope, only a car

31: have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

*** I low key knew that my brother was gonna die the day he did but I didn't say anything to anyway bc I just blamed it on my anxiety

32: do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

*** heck yeah, I got a couple thankfully

33: do you think anyone has feelings for you?

*** lmao ryder

34: has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

*** yes! my eyes turn literally yellow in the summer and its p cool

35: say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

*** I'd be like “hell yeah I'm proud of u for getting action”

36: were you single on valentines day?

*** have been my whole life

37: are you friends with the last person you kissed?

*** yes but I rarely talk to him anymore

38: what do your friends call you?

*** karl, car keys, Karls, kar, karlie warlie

39: has anyone upset you in the last week?

*** does myself count lmao

40: have you ever cried over a text?

*** probably

41: where’s your last bruise located?

*** the tops of my feet 

42: what is it from?

*** dancing! you get bruises in weird places from dance lmao

43: last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

*** idk if this really counts but we went out to eat last night which is really triggering for me and I was like “I just want to go home and see my doggie”

44: who was the last person you were on the phone with?

***my sister on accident

45: do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

*** fav bc of looks are my white doc Martens but I wear my black converse most of the time

46: do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

*** no I look dumb in hats

47: would you ever go bald if it was the style?

*** honestly no just bc I like to have the mermaid hair effect when I’m in the bath or swimming

48: do you make supper for your family?

*** only if its like pizza rolls or smthn

49: does your bedroom have a door?

*** yes???

50: top 3 web-pages?

*** Tumblr, youtube and Facebook

51: do you know anyone who hates shopping?

*** my mom bc she hates going out in public

52: does anything on your body hurt?

*** my wrist!! I have a cyst in my joint and it hurts to move it too much 

53: are goodbyes hard for you?

*** yes bc I have a huge fear of abandonment

54: what was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

*** strawberry lemonade

55: how is your hair?

*** its kinda short atm, I just got it cut and I'm mad bc its just the right length where only half of my hair goes into a ponytail

56: what do you usually do first in the morning?

*** pee tbh

57: do you think two people can last forever?

*** I mean I guess

58: think back to january 2007, were you single?

*** considering. was 8, yes

59: green or purple grapes?

*** depends on my mood tbh

60: when’s the next time you will give someone a big hug?

*** in like 10 minutes when Ryder is here

61: do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

*** not really but I wouldn't particularly mind if I was somewhere else

62: when will be the next time you text someone?

*** like rn

63: where will you be 5 hours from now?

*** in my living room talking to Ryder

64: what were you doing at 8 this morning.

*** pretending to be asleep

65: this time last year, can you remember who you liked?

***probably faith idk but thankfully thats faded by now

66: is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

*** ryder and my sister tbh

67: did you kiss or hug anyone today?

*** my mom always hugs me good morning

68: what was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

*** “god I wish I could fall asleep”

69: have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

*** did you mean: my entire dance career?

70: how many windows are open on your computer?

*** 5!

71: how many fingers do you have?

*** thankfully I got all 10

72: what is your ringtone?

*** the default iPhone ringtone, I've never bothered to change it but I want my text ringtone to be the thing from Kim possible

73: how old will you be in 5 months?

*** 19

74: where is your mum right now?

*** in my sister’s room helping her build a desk

75: why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

*** bc he's an abusive piece of shit (:

76: have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

*** sadly no ):

77: are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

*** definitely not

78: do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

*** a dude named Zac but he was a terrible person lmao

79: is there anyone you know with the name mike?

*** my aunt's pos boyfriend

80: have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

*** no ):

81: how many people have you liked in the past three months?

*** not really anyone worth noting

82: has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

*** probably

83: will you talk to the person you like tonight?

*** I don't really like anyone atm

84: you’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

*** probably Bria or faith tbh

85: if your bf/gf was into drugs would you care?

*** I think it’d depend on what it was and if it was effecting them in an unhealthy way or not

86: what was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

*** I threw up 20 mins into Spiderman homecoming

87: who was your last received call from?

*** my sister

88: if someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

*** I think it'd depend on what I needed the money for and how bad I needed it

89: what is something you wish you had more of?

*** friends

90: have you ever trusted someone too much?

*** all the time. I love trusting people but it gets me hurt a lot

91: do you sleep with your window open?

*** I wish but I got them allergies

92: do you get along with girls?

*** for the most part yes!

93: are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

*** yeah but its not worth telling them right now, gotta wait till the right time

94: does sex mean love?

*** nope!

95: you’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

*** no but I might have a hard time trying to find things to talk about

96: have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

*** yeah I didn't really like it tbh

97: did you sleep alone this week?

*** always

98: everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

*** yes! my sister and ryder

99: do you believe in love at first sight?

*** no bc then you're just falling in love with the persons looks and not the actual person

100: who was the last person that you pinky promise

*** my mom but I don't remember what for

[buckys-stripper-splits]

welp yall wanted to read this dumpster fire of a fic so here we go lmaoo

(TW!! alcohol mention, marijuana mention, im a sad drunk but its also funny)

Summary: i am a lightweight ass bitch and had like one single solo cup of alcohol and now we have this also im like knly like 21 words in and its alwadu a strugfle. half the typis arent becaose im drunk but because i have phat ass thumbs

Warning: ass, this is ass, literally leave, dont read, its prolly gay

Song: one ditect

*•*•*

Bucky dink's (WHO IS DINK) his teeth into Steve's nwck as he plows into jom, grunting and cursing against his sweaty neck.

"Fuck. God, baby," Steve grunts, and buvky tightens up around him out of habbit. Bucky mosns, puttong on a show as he arches his back, eyes hooded, just how steve likes.

"Yea," he mewls, lacing his velvety voice with enough chocolate to make steve shudder. "Cmon stevie fuck me. I know you got more than what youre govin me. Cmon baby, yea."

Steves hips crash against buckys and he fists a gandful of his soft brown lovks before tugging him back, so his back is at his fromt. The new angel allows steve to fuck rigjt up ahaing buckys prostate Nd it makes me sob, opened mouthed.

"Fuck, stevie yes! More, harder!"

(Brothers listen ion even know what im doing ok im so fucking tored at this point and ik im gonna regret even makong this because nothing about this os sexy. im just drink ankd alone in my fcking room at like 2:40 am ok this shit is sad. goodnight. im prolly atill gonna post this because i try and fings joy in my immemse pain. goodnight.

its a wonder i have peiple who follow me. ylla prolly gonna ungollow me after thisbshit lmao. im a sloppy drhnk km so sorry like i swear this shit is getting worse. Id rather be high. goodnight. dont drink or do drugs. drugs bad. Goodnight.

if i theow up tomorrow im actually gonna cry i havent thrown up in hears but then again i never gets hangovers so ha. ok goodnight. i hiccuped and almost puked. sorry goodnight i have ADD. goodnight fuck me im annoyong im so sorry) BUCKU IS A BOTTOM woe my ADD gets worse when im inebriated (i had to voice spell that cos im not smart) ok goodnight if i think of more shit oll prolly write it tbh because im lonely and sad HA buttercup baby is a good aong wow wtf is it calked? fuckin "build me ip buytercup" long ass name headass. still good.

SHIT WAS LOUD AS FUCK I TURNED ON BUTTERCUP BUT I HAD MY VOLUME UP COS I WAS LISTENING TO A PODFIC HOLY FUCK I FEEL SOBET

im happy. i haventbeen happy in a hot monute. anyway i turned off my autocorrect just to capture just how fucked i am lmaon. i hate that im most happy when im fucked ip like that shit aint healthy font do this shit kiddos seek therapy.

imiss my dog. i wanna do afupid shit now but i cant physicalky get jp also i have no weed. when i say stupid ahit i mean one of two thinsh: self destruct or weed. Or both. oo chile that would be awful lmao. ok goodnight deadass this tike. im gonna listent to a podfic. goodnigjt. its almost 3am. i love h mwah mwah

BITCH WAIT ok i love feminatiahipn and i blame literally all of fucking rumblr. fuck yall i love hall wow. ok. nigjt no mlre. im forcing muself to piblish this tm or shot maybe even now but isk yet. ok goodnight. Fr this tome) see i added the paraghesiss so now o camt add mlre ha.

(aaaaand imma tag @that-damn-girl cos they asked so very nicely💗🥰💗!! i hope yall enjoy lmao)

so a few months ago i attempted to write some smut while Extremely Drunk™️ and reading it back is the funniest fucking thing ive seen in a hot minute so would yall want me to post it? its only like 500 words and the majority of it makes no fucking sense

idk dudes let me know if yall wanna see it ig

[singingwordwright]

Shadowhunters recap - s2ep12 “You Are Not Your Own”

SHADOWHUNTERS Recaps Intro and Masterlist

These recaps may contain spoilers from the books (that may or may not happen in the show.) Proceed at your own risk.

Recap and meta under the cut.

This moment does a great job of making us feel Magnus’s desperation and also how helpless he is in this situation. Screaming alone in an empty dungeon? That’s going to stick with me for a while.

So, a demon can just waltz into Magnus’s apartment at any given time? He doesn’t have wards and protections against that sort of thing? Really?

This is interesting. In the books, Clary is 16 and she sort of fools around with Simon when they’re dating, but her first time having sex is with Jace and that’s fairly believable because of their ages.

The books, of course, make it a big deal and that’s pretty appropriate too because someone’s first time generally is a fairly noteworthy occasion. And the show made a big deal of Alec’s first time being with Magnus.

This? Isn’t all that noteworthy. They’re not making a big deal out of it. It’s sort of business as usual. “Oh, they’re sleeping together now, moving on…”

Are we to infer from this that Clary isn’t as sexually inexperienced as she is in the books? That’s not what we’re lead to believe in s1ep01 when she tells Jocelyn “we’ve had the talk.” But we know very little about her adolescence, except that she has a fake ID (s1ep01) and has had enough hangovers that she can call one of them the worst (s2ep01.)

Or are we to take this as another sign of the way Clary and Simon’s romantic relationship just flows comfortably along. Which is nice, because I really hate high-drama relationships.

That said, this is the first time I’m glad that—for whatever reason—Simon isn’t living at Luke’s house. It made me sort of uncomfortable in the books that Clary was making out with Simon in her bedroom there.

That is a LOT of sideboob Clary is flashing there. Like, this is a family channel, sheesh!

Nice boxers, Simon. And can I remark on how much I like the fact that guys on this show are allowed to have chest hair? I’m kinda over the whole perfectly waxed pecs thing.

Overreact much, Simon? This whole Simon/Raphael subplot seems to be missing some steps. Like, Raphael tries to ask Simon about being a daylighter and now Simon is convinced Raphael is stalking and threatening him? How did we go from one to the other? I feel like I missed something.

Will Tudor is just so precious I’m sort of dreading the full-on reveal of who Sebastian really is.

I like Alec listening to his instincts here and not letting himself be dissuaded. He’s come a long way on that front. He could have used some of that in the past. And in what’s to come, tbh.

Why won’t this thing work? I love this. I love Valentine smacking his hand as though it’s a defective gizmo that can be made to operate properly with enough percussive maintenance. Harry really made some great acting choices playing Valentine.

“I’ll reward your kindness by delivering you into a body that you deserve.” Valentine, surely you’re not stupid enough to miss the layers of tricksy meaning in that. Once he has that cup, Azazel’s gonna dump your ass into the body of a syphilitic rat.

There’s been a lot of discussion in the fandom on how these casually affectionate touches don’t count because it’s not actually Magnus, and I both agree and disagree.

Alec doesn’t know it’s not Magnus, of course. So we’re to take from this that this is the way he would touch Magnus under other circumstance, and that’s awesome. That tells us a lot about the place their relationship is in.

However, I’ve been quite opinionated on the subject of whether or not Malec is being short-changed in the way their relationship is being portrayed versus the way het pairings on the show are portrayed. Mostly, my position in the past has been to wait and see, that it’s too early to freak out and declare their relationship hopelessly short-changed, that there will be a payoff in terms of how they’re portrayed with each other both physically and emotionally, at a time when it’s going to have the most impact.

This is not that time. But that time is coming. The line of credit I have extended the producers on this front is almost maxed out and it’s just about time to pay up. With interest.

I do like Valentine’s utter confusion about Alec touching him. Valentine, your wife left you for a Downworlder. Your daughter is dating a Downworlder. Your kidnapped adopted son’s parabatai is dating a Downworlder. They’re all over the place.

In your face, bitch.

Dayum, Alec, you and that bow! Whew!

I guess now we know what Matt Daddario meant when he said Alec would get a real hero moment, except that it’s not what it seems to be.

Can we take a moment to note that the heating radiators in Magnus’s apartment are gold? Like how fucking swank is that?

Clary NO/Clary YES episode tally: 1

“For the first time, I felt like there’s a reason I became a Shadowhunter.” Of course. Because being an ordinary, non-rune-drawing superhuman wasn’t good enough. You have to be an uber-special superhuman or it’s pointless, right?

Dot shouldn’t have bought into Magnus’s excuse so easily. I gather that she’s not a very powerful warlock, and that’s fine, but she’s still a fairly intelligent person. This requires a level of deliberate obtuseness and credulity that insults common sense.

Again, unless they cut scenes with Raphael and Simon, I don’t understand Simon’s turning to Izzy to convince Raphael to back off. Raphael clearly had doubts that Simon was telling all he knew, but all he did was leave it at a vaguely menacing “I hope so” when Simon he wasn’t withholding anything.

So what happened that prompted Simon to call Izzy? Is this just Simon’s tendency to overreact (see also, his canonical hypochondria.)

I do like Izzy being able to admit her addiction. The first step, for Alcoholics Anonymous/Narcotics Anonymous, is: We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable. So we actually see Izzy already beginning the process here, even before Simon proposes hooking her up with a group. And I do love Simon falling back on his experience with his mom’s addiction.

It’s telling, though, that Simon is detached enough from his own vampirism that he immediately knows Raphael is a danger to Izzy’s recovery, but doesn’t perceive himself to be likewise dangerous for her.

God, the violence with which the lights come on and Alec comes storming through the door. Wow.

Okay. If you were following my posts last week, you saw I had quite a bit of anxiety going into this episode. Alec is a guy whose “calm anger” rune has absolutely no effect. When he gets pissed off enough, he gets violent. If it’s anger toward people he loves, he goes for a punching bag and trains. Anyone else needs to be very afraid.

So I was really nervous that he’d start talking with his fists here, and even if the show addressed it, I’d always have that in my head and it would just always spoil Malec for me.

Thank God they didn’t go there.

I can’t really blame Alec for being rough when he storms into the room. As far as he knows, this is the evilest, most awful person in existence, and that person is invoking the name of the man he loves, trying to use the man he loves to trick them somehow. Frankly I’d probably be furious and slam him against a wall, too.

What does hurt later on is the way he slaps Magnus’s hands away when Magnus reaches out to him. I’m still not sure I entirely blame him for that, because a healthy incredulity here is certainly called for. It hurts, though, because Magnus is so afraid and in need of the comfort of the man he loves and he’s denied that. Ouch.

Ugh. This scene. I just…I can’t blame Alec. I don’t think anyone could rightfully blame Alec for not believing what he’s being told. It defies credulity. And Jace is right, you can’t let Valentine get into your head, he can talk you into believing anything, that’s what he does.

What I do blame Alec for is not inquiring further. He doesn’t know Valentine, this is his first time ever really interacting with Valentine, so of course he can’t tell if “Valentine” is being truthful or not.

But he does know Magnus.

So why not return to Magnus’s apartment and ask leading questions that will reveal whether “Magnus” knows things he should know. Watch his mannerisms. Ask him where the omamori is. Observe his odd behavior further and see if it adds up. Hell, at this point he’d encounter Dot teaching “Magnus” magic and that would blow the whole thing open.

Why calmly go along with the execution of a man whose identity is in question?

What this shows us is that the Alec who was so devoted to following orders, following the rules, being the good Clave droogie, isn’t as dead and buried as we’d hoped. And frankly it’s rather hypocritical of him to take Maryse to task for falling back on the “I was following orders” party line when he still does the same damn thing and it almost cost Magnus his life because he couldn’t be assed to inquire further.

Fighting as foreplay. Sort of cliché, but still effective. It’s amusing, the books remark on how fighting is like sex for Jace, but it looks like Clary’s got some of that same instinct going on as well.

Gotta love the Inquisitor being cool as a cucumber, strolling along while a guy with a sword is doing backflips over her head.

Imogen refers to Jace as Clary’s friend. So apparently since s2ep11 when she called them both Valentine’s children, they have told her that Jace isn’t Valentine’s son?

I really hate this scene. And this scene really makes me hate Izzy. A lot. And I don’t want to hate Izzy.

In a way, Raphael does deserve this (Simon going after his closest relative) because Raphael threatened Simon’s mom. I get that.

But for Izzy to be the one to propose it? Raphael doesn’t deserve that. He protected her. He helped her. He protected her from herself, even. He cared for her. And this is just a betrayal of that. It’s the second time she’s betrayed him. I’m deeply disgusted by her going there, and I really hope Raphael drags her for it.

I wish Simon would have trusted his instincts and been the bigger person. This was so unnecessary and I just hate it.

ETA: Also, Izzy can’t have even met Rosa before. The writers screwed up the timeline:

The sequence of events goes like this:

The night of the massacre is the night Raphael told her about Rosa

They made tamales together

Did some blood sucking

Alec beat up Raphael

Tthey snuggled and Raphael told her about being ace

Raphael hid Izzy’s phone and left to kill Clary

Izzy laid around a while then checked her phone and went to help

The next morning Izzy tells Raphael she doesn’t want to see him anymore

A few days later she goes to Raphael and he sends her packing

The next day she’s doing so much better and takes Simon to see Rosa

So, like......wat?

Grrr.

No, Alec, you don’t want to fall for Valentine’s lies. But maybe, just maybe, with the safety and well-being of the man you love, you could at least inquire fucking further?

Seriously? You’re just going to leave it at this, knowing there’s a chance, however minute, that the man you love is being tortured in the basement? You’re just gonna let it go at that? Pah.

God, this shot. THIS SHOT. The cinematography here is just phenomenal, with Magnus’s real face superimposed over Magnus as Valentine. Wow! Whoever came up with that shot needs, like, ALL THE AWARDS.

Great acting choices by Alan Van Sprang here. Watching him portray Magnus is mostly in the hands. Look at the way he’s rubbing his fingers together for comfort. (Watching Harry portray Valentine is largely in the posture.) Alan does go for an arms-akimbo stance when he’s calling Valentine a fool, which I don’t buy. That’s a Valentine posture there.

Not going to talk about the torture scene because I just…I can’t. Can’t go there. La la la la la.

But really, Imogen? A prisoner’s identity is in question and you’re going to execute him rather than investigate?

I like the addition of the greenhouse set. I don’t like Sebastian worming his way into Clary’s psyche.

I feel like there’s some significance to his necklace here. It’s displayed so prominently (though we never get a close-up) and he just doesn’t strike me as the necklace-wearing type? At least not a long, dangly one like that. A chain under the shirt, maybe.

Why are there ketchup and mustard bottles on the table at a Chinese restaurant? I’ve never seen that before in my life. Is it a New York thing?

Interesting that Raphael was pissed off enough to hire a warlock to create a portal. Or does his vampire clan have a warlock they are associated with? How does that work?

Izzy’s plot-convenient incompetence rears its ugly head. The vamps just get the drop on her and she doesn’t even have a chance to fight back. And that’s before she’s tempted by the prospect of a bite. Ugh.

I like Luke smacking some sense into Simon. Can we have more of Luke smacking sense into everyone?

Really, Alec, you’re just gonna go along with this with nothing more than a troubled frown? An extrajudicial execution of someone whose identity is even the littlest bit in question? You can’t even say you’re following orders. This is specifically contrary to Clave orders. This isn’t your duty so seriously, what the fuck?

Jace, that should have been your first clue right there. Since when does Magnus touch people liberally like that?

I hate this scene. I hate it almost more than I would have hated Alec getting violent with Magnus earlier. I don’t want Magnus to see Alec like this, stone-faced, suppressing his own instinct for mercy and decency to follow orders. I hate this Alec and I don’t see how Magnus will ever again be able to trust that if it comes down a choice between orders and doing what’s right, Alec will choose what’s right.

I keep searching Alec’s face for some hint that he would have stopped this, and I see none. He walks away. And I hate that.

The Herondale reveal is so very anticlimactic. The focus in this scene is entirely on Imogen and Valentine. What are Alec and Magnus doing? I need to see Alec taking care of Magnus here and they don’t show it, except for Alec taking the gag off.

There are so many unnecessary scenes they could have cut in this episode and given us a scene between Alec and Magnus on the way to meet Valentine at Magnus’s loft. A scene between them while Magnus was still in Valentine’s body and Alec is trying to figure out how to interact with him like that would have been perfect.

This whole thing with Clary and her runes? I couldn’t care less. I just want to stupid glitter special effects to stop.

Finally we really see the contrast in their postures and gestures. Alan’s flourish with his hands before he starts the spell to switch them back is pretty incredible.

That bar code on the prison uniform is an odd choice. Seriously, the Clave has so much technology AND mystical power at their disposal and they use a barcode to track a prisoner? Weird.

So Clary can just undo the wards of one of the most powerful warlocks in existence, because she feels really bad and Sebastian gave her the opposite of a pep talk. Nifty.

Not.

Magnus grappling with Valentine is awesome. I think Valentine was arrogant enough to assume Magnus would let him go without a fight. I would have liked to have seen a more elaborate fight scene here, but I’ll take what we got.

I do love Clary’s trick of tackling Valentine and directing where the portal should go. That was some quick thinking. Why she didn’t exercise that same quick thought in s2ep10 when Valentine was knocked out on the floor of the Institute and she could have stopped him permanently but instead left him lying there to pick up the Soul Sword, I still don’t know. Plot-convenient competence vs. plot-convenient incompentence strikes again.

Magnus seems so broken down here and I hate it. Hate. It. I need it to be next week already so I can see him starting to recover.

I wish I felt more chemistry from Izzy and Simon, but I don’t. I hope they manage to change that, since we all know Sizzy is an endgame ship. Right now it feels forced and I just don’t care.

Ugh really? They’re going with the Sebastian-is-incestuously-obsessed-with-Clary thing after all? I’m so disappointed. I was hoping my theory about them switching that fixation to Izzy would pan out. Hopefully it still will. There’s time, but this reduces my confidence on that front.

Dammit, Will Tudor, stop being so freaking adorable in this role. You’re supposed to be creepy and weird.

“Now I know where that hold defiance of yours comes from.” I really love what the actress here did with her voice, the way it gets rough and almost cracks with emotion. She reminds me a lot of the late, great Colleen Dewhurst in this scene with her ability to be gruff and emotional.

That said, how did she get the ring? “I retrieved this from Magnus’s apartment.” Dammit, if she went to Magnus and asked for it, she fucking well better have made some apologies for, y’know, torturing and almost executing him. And I would have liked to have seen that scene, mostly because Magnus would have raked her over the coals and she would have deserved it, and he probably would have dragged the Clave while he was at it and I NEED to see that.

As I said in my liveblog commentary, Imogen can’t really invoke the words “good and just” when she was on the verge of committing a murder for revenge a few hours ago.

That said, I do like something positive happening to Jace for once. He’s had enough gratuitous character torture for a bit.

Can it be next week already?

Clary NO/Clary YES Series Total (so far): 17