#tbh i still need to watch evangelion movies before i make my mind

[cursingtoji]

my red flag is that if i don’t like an anime i’ll still watch it all just cause i hate when people are like “you don’t like it? but did you finish it? it gets better”

[alexjcrowley]

So I watched The Virgin Suicides the other day and it was a film that I thought I would have loved but, instead, I found it underwhelming. If you wanna fight me on that, stop reading this post already because it's NOT on The Virgin Suicides, but on another movie completely.

Seen as I thought I would have loved The Virgin Suicides and I didn't, because I am tired ans recovering from a day long hangover I decided to watch a movie I never wanted to watch because I could already tell I was going to hate it: Pacific Rim. Now, other than the obvious reasons of the experiment and also my brain not being able to understand anything deeper than Pacific Rim right now, I have other reasons to watch this movie: Charlie Day, Burn Gorman (am I the only one who watched Forever?) and their ship, which I was aware of even before I was aware of the movie.

I have also a history and not being very on-board with del Toro's works lately, namely Pinocchio's movie (another movie I thought I was gonna love), Crimson Peak (I have a list of complains I have been keeping to myself since 2015) and Cabinet of Curiosites (cool project, execution meh). But, believe it or not, I like usually like del Toro's work. I usually like it a lot. I honestly couldn't believe something that I have always thought as bootleg Evangelion could be directed by him, but hey, life wouldn't be as beautiful as it is without surprises.

So now I am watching Pacific Rim. And to anyone who cares, I am noting down my thoughts as I go.

The initial monologue already makes me laugh, I'm sorry, it feels so...rushed

Cool things exploring the pilot becoming famous stuff and the toys and the marketing of war, quite brilliant tbh

The pilots are already the most annoying things put on this Earth

Was that a Star Wars quote?

"Yeah we're like not smart or strong or talented or anything we just basically hit the genetic jackpot for piloting this stuff" tell me this was intentional satire

It's still so unbelievable to me this is a legit expensive movie with great directing and good actors.

this movie looks like it was 2013.

I feel like this whole merging mind and strong bond themes will be interpret by the fandom as sexual metaphors.

For some reasons to me the whole equipment things look like a Dance Dance Revolution platform but like way more advanced.

"Let's go fishing" this is SO corny my God

The monologues take themselves way too seriously I can't help snothing every time

There's something about the way they're showing us the monster I really like. Just parts of it. Not all together. This way you build tension, this way you make the spectator feel powerless because they still don't know how exactly this monster looks, they are at loss. Very, very nicely done.

Yeah I can't take this seriously I am trying but I just can't. Also I don't give a fuck about the battle. Where's Charlie Day.

Bruh why is Idris Elba there

Oh so. So he's fucking dead. I mean I am still laughing but I am impressed.

Is he going to grunt in pain for long?

What the fuck was that transition.

Cool scene small robot big robot not gonna lie

This whole scene of him panting is cool, but it would have been cooler without the dramatic music trying to make this more "epic".

OH IT'S SO COOK WHEN THE BLOCKS STARTED TO FALL OH MY GOD THE TITLE THE TITLE IS SO FUCKING COOL

Nice shots of destroyed city

Now my old anime fan mind made the connection Jeager-AOT, wow, I am tired

All the politicians look like cunts

Was that a drug?

Idris Elba I love you but this whole "we don't need them stuff" I really don't like this, there are few things I hate more than movies trying to make militaries look really cool when they break the rules

Oh so the Trump solution. Really like. Real subtle there. (I KNOW Trump wasn't elected yet in 2013 but you get it. Like even before him wall rethorics to stop "dangers"). Like here it would even be justified to build a wall, why are they making it so- oh wait this is actually just Attack on Titan, isn't it.

Where is Charlie Day.

Cool visuals.

THE ROBOT SHOOTS MISSLES FROM HIS TITS?

Maybe I have like. Already forgotten who the pilot in TV fucking is.

I don't know why but Charlie Hunmanby way to talk in this movie makes me laugh so much

No yeah so Charlie Hunnam stands up and walks NOT to face Idris Elba? Who wrote this. Who wrote the fake epic moments.

Charlie Hunnam you are a good actor, so what happened to you?

"Where would you rather die?" Who gives a FUCK he is gonna die anyway

This movie cannot make me believe in the reasons of his characters for 10 seconds I swear. I cannot empathise with anyone. Yeah even if Charlie Hunnam's figurative brother died while they were connected.

Who's the sexy lady

Bilingual flex

THE REASONS WHY I WATCHED THIS MOVIE, HERE THEY ARE

Charlie Day whatever drugs are you on I'd like to try them

Oh God so like they're married-married

Charlie Day I fucking love you

Also the first thing popping through my mind is that Newt is like the same Newt from Good Omens and this makes no sense whatsoever

So Newt is like Hanji, I think?

Hermann and Newt are my only two braincells

Newt talking about kaijus🤝me taking about cannibalism

I missed Burn Gorman's voice so much

Charlie Hunnam why are you the main character

Feels a lot like Star Wars the Shutterdome

Okay so now here is one of my pet peeves. The clock. This is a super technological military base and you have a vintage clock for...aesthetic? A clock which tells you the most important thing ever aka when the kaijus are going to attack? And it's old timey to make it cute? Shut up.

I thought the huge explanation of the robots would have bored me but actually no.

Of the course they're Siberian so they're blond BUT he has a dark beard???? So he is not naturally blond????? But he is blond like his sisters so did they get matching hair dye just because??????

Thank God Charlie Day and Burn Gorman are back

Hermann has a cane? Super nice detail

Why isn't this movie abito Hermann and Newt

"Politics and poetry, promises, these are lies" he is like the anti Professor Keating

"Numbers are as close as we get to the handwriting of God" HOLD. THE FUCK UP. THIS IS ON OF THE RAWEST LINES I HAVE EVER HEARD. AND IT'S COMING FROM THIS MOVIE??????? DAMN. RESPECT.

SHUT UP NEWT HERMANN WAS HAVING A REAL EPIC MOMENT

I am Newt oh God I am Newt IT'S NOT SO EASY TO GET TO THE POINT F8RST I HAVE TO DO MY LONG ASS INTRODUCTION OR I WILL DIE

"The neural surge would be too much for a human brain" IDRIS ELBA SHUT UP YOU'RE NOT A DOCTOR

"Fortune favors the brave, dude" it is genuinely so nice hearing latin quotes still being used today, especially when they're being translated in other languages and are used "casually". Makes me feel proud of my studies.

BE A ROCK STAR, DUDE, BE A ROCK STAR

The visuals are really cool at times

I love Mori's hair

"You are unpredictable" he is the most basic male protagonist I have ever seen

WHY DID YOU BRING HIM HERE IF YOU DIDN'T THINK HE WAS THE RIGHT ONE

Sex? Sex tension? Maybe?

The urge to skip every scene that doesn't have Charlie Day or Burn Gorman in it

Bruh do not insult construction workers I will kill you

The most anticlimactic uncharismatic villain I have ever seen. He is evil because he is evil and is mean because we need a bad guy.

Combat scenes I thought were going to bore me but actually not.

Mori kick his ass

I don't understand what they're doing but I am intrigued

I am way more interested in Charlie Hunnam's plot now that Mori is copilot

Wait is she not

Bruh do not come up to her like that I thought you were gonna beat her up

Becket stop being a classic American hero for 1 minute

IDRIS ARE YOU SICK??? IS THAT TUBERCOLOSIS (It is not)

Newt is literally me.

It was supposed to be an emotional scene with the shoe and all but it's like. They're constantly trying to make scene emotional in this movie. But for me they just can't do it.

I feel like this going inside someone's mind thing should cause way more problems. Like someone can see my whole mind? Bet they're going to find something real fucked up or that angers them a lot so they just stop fighting the Kaiju to beat me up. Feels like that is what would actually happen.

I feel like the way Gorman is running with the cane is not very realistic. Coming from someone with a very weak ankle that had to use crutches a lot, especially recently.

"YOU! SHUT UP! You, keep talking" I feel like it has meme potential

BAD GUYS ARE ACTUALLY COLONIZERS, I AM BERY HYPED FOR THIS STORYLINE. LET'S FUCKING GOOOOO COLONIZERS SUCK.

IDRIS DO YOU WANT NEWT DEAD?????

Keep calling him Idris because I don't remember his name in the movie

Guy named Hannibal Chau was really hoping Mad Mikkelsen would have showed up

I really like the kaiju's design

Also I don't understand why she is holding a shoe? Is it broken? It doesn't look broken to me

I actually felt a bit of tension here, with Mako risking to fuck all up

Dearest Newt it would have killed you to bring an umbrella

I thought Kaiju bone powder was cocaine. It's actually Viagra. Alright.

OH THAT DOOR IS SO COOL. OH MY GOD WHY AM I REACTING LIKE NEWT.

I want Hannibal Chau's shoes. Love the whole outfit, actually. He slays. THE SUNGLASSES.

Hannibal Chau you're everything I wanna be. Also historical character? Damn you're killing it with the Ancient Rome reference, I thought it was after the cannibal.

Why all the military have the most annoying accent accents I have ever heard.

Bruh is Mako is your attack dog now

Like they're probably gonna make them fall in love but I like Raleigh and Mako as besties.

"You just hold back your little girlfriend" see he is the villain because he perpetuates amatonormativity

"One of you birches needs a leash" not gonna lie this line was fire

Raleigh stop with the fucking white knighting, Mako can kick both of your asses on her own, you know she can

No seriously can Mako say or do something and not stay in the back.

The combats scene are very cool in this movie

MAKO WHY DID YOU JUST STAND THERE.

Idris Elba vome on don't be so harsh on her

I love the kid actor for Malo and honestly I am not so fond of child actors usually. She is good.

The epic moments in this movie try to hard to be epic, also the transitions kinda suck.

Idris Elba in this movie is a such a mood "One, don't you ever touch me again. Two, don't you ever touch me again." me @/anybody

I honestly think I couldn't be able to go through this whole movie if the fake epic moments weren't done by Idris Elba, he is so good he makes decent scenes that I would have found excruciating otherwise. I hope they paid him a lot of money for this role.

Why is Charlie Hunnam acting like shit I HAVE SEEN HIM ACT GOOD. He says every sentence with such gravity you do not distinguish when you are really supposed to take him seriously.

Did Tendo stole 11th Doctor's wardrobe?

I am so bored by the robot scenes I am filling up the hashtags for the post rn

NEWT IS BACK????

Newt going from "I can't tell you" to "I'm gonna tell you" is peak literally me who cares about Ryan Gosling

Hannibal Chau looks like he came straight out Jujutsu Kaisen

Watching a robot movie not caring about the robots or any characters that are actually in it (the bad guy, the two Siberians, the Chinese triplets) is something. Like yeah go die in a pitch or smth see if I care. Give us nothing or give us everything it's the same to me.

I am really trying not to skip this part

I SAW GOTTLOEB IN THE BACKGROUND MY WILL TO LIVE IS RESTORED♡♡♡♡

Yeah no the monsters are pretty cool. I hope they win.

I smell something burning in my room it either a heart attack of I don't know. Maybe I should worry.

Fuck I can't understand where the burning smell comes from

Are they done yet with the battle?

TITS MISSILES MY FAVOURITE PART

No tits missiles????????

Yeah pretty fucking convenient yours's the only analogue

Okay Newt maybe you're drifting idea was kinda dumb if you didn't consider the two way brain

Bruh Hannibal Chau is so cool I want him to teach me how to be cool

Hermann go get your husband

Also this movie is set in 2020, I love old movies setting in the 2020 not having Coronavirus of course so I can legitimately say they canonically explore other timelines.

So not interested in the bad guy and his father

Of course they're Americans so they're trying to shoot guns at a beast that's 10 billions times bigger than them peak USA representation

Okay so obviously they are suddenly good at piloting this shit together because it's a movie and that's what happens in movie and now they need a win to demonstrate Idris Elba they were right

Are they gonna fight monsters for long yet? Are they?

I am thinking of all the damages done to the city and this makes me anxious. Of course like the monsters were going to destroy the city anyway so any collateral damage done by the robots are justified to me but I am so anxious.

Definitely dead. Also, very nice, BE SURE YOU KILLED THAT GUY. YEAH, DON'T LIKE END UP GETTING FUCKED BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T THOROUGH. LOVE THAT SHIT, WHEN CHARACTERS DO THING THAT MAKE SENSE.

Why is Newt the only one not flinching.

Okay but I love the concept of everyone pushing Newr to the Kaijus. Peak human behaviour. Datk just enough.

Did he...lick him? He went to lick Newt like a dog and then went away? What even. Loved it.

I have to see robots fight????? Again???? In my robot fighting movie?????? Despicable and a tragedy.

I need Hermann back, I miss him.

Dumb as fuck that scene with Newton's cradle but I liked it so much.

I would judge their battle dynamics but I don't want to invest so much attention into them

A FUCKING SWORD?????

"For my family" corny af

Liked the calm electronic voice while they were falling and it was nearly silent

So very anxious about the city damages

HERMANN YOU'RR BACK♡♡♡♡♡

MEWT MY BELOVED

"GUESS WHO'S BACK YOU ONE EYED BITCH" sir how do you feel about marriage? Like I am usually against it, but for you, for you I'd make an exception

I want Idris Elba as my parental figure he gives steadiness

BRUH DROP THE ILLNESS NAME

I love the mini kaijus

Becoming a kaiju grrroupie

The pelvic area? Are they in the kaijussy?

THE KAIJUSSY IS HAVING A BABY

BABY!!!!!! COME TO MAMA!!!!!!!!!

Wait is like Newt the father of the baby, though the drift or smth

Hermann good news you two can adopt now

HANNIBAL NO

Well Charlie Hunnam you're not entitled to know Idris Elba's medical conditions

HERMANN AND NEWT TOGETHER???? WHAT A TREAT

Hermann bestie you're craaaaazy

I am Newton Geiszler around my friends Hermann Gottlieb with everyone else (I have the funniest story about messing up a handshake)

They're in lobe your honour

Idris shit man you ain't gonna be alright

IDRIS DO NOT GO DO NOT ABANDON YOUR DAUGHTER

Actually I am a bit emotional for this one

Cool speech moment I couldn't care less about

"Today we are cancelling the apocalypse" plot of Good Omens in a nutshell

"You're an egotistical jerk with daddy issues" or, as I like to call it, lazy writing

Am I supposed to care about him now? Too late I guess

BEAUTIFUL DOG I WANNA HUG

So Idris Elba's name is Stacker, got it after more than an hour

Nice scene when the father says "that's my son you got there" though. It felt emotional.

NEWT AND HERMANN♡♡♡♡♡♡

Also like it seems a lot easier to be drift compatible, at the beginning of the movie it felt like a very complicated thing

Convenient toilet

Newton has ripped jeans? He's really 2 cool 4 school

"Move you, fascist" hits different for an Italian in 2023

I actually like this plot with the signature and the barcode for the breach

There are 13 minutes left I am so scared they'll all be about robot fighting I cannot watch them for so long without any interruption

What that sword is made of seriously

The ONLY reason I am still watching is because I hope there's another scene with Newt and Hermann

Okay actually emotional over Idris Elba and Mako

Are they gonna die? No wait guys I do not like you but you can't die

YOU ALLED HIM SENSEI? LIKE OKAY BUT I WPUOD HAVE LIKED IT BETTER IF YOU HAD CALLED HIM DAD

Again, this doesn't feel as epic as it should for me. Rationally I know it is epic but I am not feeling it.

How many minutes left I am getting restless

The fall dialogue was fine. I liked it. "Anyone can fall"

I love the Kaijus design

Wait and it's so powerful that they killed the breach? Entirely? I don't know how I feel about that.

Interstellar reference????

YEAH HE IS ALIVE I don't even care about him anything I am relieved???

So it's done? Breach killed and all that?

HERMANN AND NEWT ARE GOING TO KILL ME♡♡♡♡♡

Nice seeing the father sad for his son

So they're in love now? I hope not. I liked them as besties

In the end, did I like this movie? No, that's pretty much a no, although I went in expecting to hate it 100%, while actually it was more like 85%. It's not a joke, honestly there were some nice things for me and the fact that I didn't completely hate it took me by surprise and I do consider this a victory. I heard the second one sucks, but since Charlie Day and Burn Gorman are still gonna slay in it, I'll watch it. The experiment could have gone worse, I am proud of myself.

[one-hell-of-otaku-is-here]

Evangelion 3.0 You can (not) redo be like... (my unfiltered reaction to the movie)

I am only cca 10 min in and I am already crying

WTF HAPPENED TO EVERYONE (but Kaworu bless his soul) I DONT LIKE THIS "GLOW UP"

This is some post post Apocalypse shit and NOBODY gives a shit for a boy who kind of scaed ur asses before and slept for like a long time and is confused af. Liek literally nobody like pm they are under an attack bit it looks like everybody blames Shinji for previous event (at least new guys) like ok without Kaworu everyone would be dead but who was supposed to know Adam and Lilith would fuse like this???

"Don't do anything" BRO MISATO-SAN???? AS INFJ (who's kind of similar to INFP's Shinji) that cold stare and words hurt me deeply

I can't believe I am saying this but I kind of liked anime series abs The end of EVA better than this

They even call my boy by some number as if he was some object. Excuse me he's treated as a criminal even though he technically didn't want to be and wanted to save everyone I AM SO MAD

Fine so we are getting our info...

Ya as I thought... 14 years passed... hahahha ofc they'd be a little mad but this is overdoing it... basically he'd die if he got too emotional lol (I wanna die and we didn't even get to Kaworu at this point he HAS to give my boi happiness)

Most depressing NGE arc... is 3.0

REI REI REI

KAWORU ON PIANO

And ofc Gendou is as same as ever lmao (this impact conversed him back to how he was in anime series Ig)

I wonder if NERV is still going to do Human instrumentality project Ig its kind of gives off these vibes (later I was right this didn't change ge anything for Gendou just made him even colder like he was written before)

OK so this Rei is different altogether from all pheromones versions. She's truly like a robot only following Gendou's orders

I feel so bad for Shinji.... rn he only has Kaworu who's obesssed with him obv but tbh at his position I'd take any friends I could get

My so long awaited gay moments I was waiting for are finally here - and the reason why I am still watching (ok that's a lie rn I do want to know how it ends)

"I was born to meet you= I love you" is making me swoon all over again

Well fuck Ig that answers what happened to everyone (the fact that freaking angel.had to show it to Mc is even more depressing)

Sometimes doing the right thing can cause massive destruction- a novel written by 3.0's Ikari Shinji

There is always hope - Big apause to the best character in this show I don't care what you think this is what we needed to hear

Fyutsuki trying to do right thing by talking to Shinji while giving us his lore lol (he should have done that sooner) but this will break him

OK so now that Shinji knows he didn't save this Rei he can't find excuse for tragedy he indirectly caused(and for which he shouldn't be blamed for remember SEELE is abs amwsyeb be the main villain of NGE. But I do understand bitterness of others)... so he's slowly losing his mind

HES TAKING HIS COLLAR ?it's scene I saw before when I spo8led myself) afabatvayzvahFga I can't be ever normal about Kawoshin

They're piloting together hahaha (Ig soon we'll see THE tragedy)

Bruh this looks bad (and yk it's bad when Kaworu is nervous)

Gadouh planned all this obv and now we're fucked (again) - but it's OK he'll be killed either way

Btw this is on side note: but I find Makinami kind of annoying in this movie - she's basically being little brat and too relaxed unlike Asuka who's in his war mode 24/7 and it irks me in bad way with that said

How did Kaworu not see this happening is beyond me

We're fighting new Adam Ig (I can't wait to watch theory on this so I'd understand all this better I feel like you're constantly confused how these angel awakening work)

Is there even anyone left to kill aside from WILLIE and what's left of NERV?? This is the second craziest shit I have seen after The end of NGE because ofc nobody can top that

Lololol

RIP Kaworu - we seen it coming but his last words>>>> dw your resting place will be entirety of the old world (this quote from Genshin is fitting for him rn)

Fourth impact averted at great cost fuck this was amazing

THAT ENDING SOMG ;-;-;-;;-;-;-;-;-; AGRESSIVELY ADDED TO MY SPOTIFY LIST

And so...

Bravo Anno you created a masterpiece that you always wanted. Now I can rest in peace before I watch Thrice upon time

[goji-pilled]

Okay @princekirijo you want an essay? Well here it is now, or as I like to call it Felix's "Asumari is great and this fandom has no fucking taste" rambling and infodump. Congrats fellas, thanks to Prince you ALL get an asumari essay. But before that I'll try to give you a rundown of Mari and Asuka. 

(I'm also so sorry for putting this long ass post on everyone's dashboard)

(Spoiler warning for Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time!!)

Alright on one hand we have Mari Illustrious Makinami. Her whole deal? She's a walking ray of sunshine, literally lol. Unlike any other character in the Evangelion franchise she doesn't suffer from her trauma, she's quite literally the only healthy and functioning human being, she's just slightly leaning towards "batshit crazy" with the stunts she pulls 🤷‍♂️. Other than that she just loves living, she loves being with people, she keeps moving forward, stays positive and decides to live life to it's fullest even after she experiences loss and multiple apocalyptic events (Second Impact, Third Impact, etc.) and she really just embodies the joy of living. That's all there is to her, or at least all we know.

On the other hand, we have Asuka Langley Shikinami who is... well it's hard to explain what she is to be honest. She's part-German and part-Japanese and part of a line of clones specifically made with the purpose to pilot an Evangelion and later on be used as a sacrifice to trigger another Impact (ITS COMPLICATED I KNOW-) Asuka is, unlike Mari, very much suffering from her trauma. She doesn't have her parents and has a very deep seated belief that she's completely alone, which she says doesn't matter as long as she can pilot the Eva. She also very much wants to fight and kill angels all by herself, and it's seriously messing with her when she can't achieve that.

Now we get to the more interesting parts (hopefully this so far wasn't too confusing, then again it's Eva and even I can't fully wrap my head around it all LMAO)

In the second Rebuild movie (Evangelion 2.0 You can (not) advance) we get introduced to both of them, Mari's introduction scene (in the original English dub) has her pilot an Eva and singing about how she'll take the world on by herself, while in the third movie's (Evangelion 3.0 You can (not) redo) opening scene she's piloting the Eva again but this time it's together with Asuka (in her own Unit 02 though) and during that Mari sings about how wonderful it is not to be alone. It's nothing big yet, but it's a really cute detail me thinks,,, you know what else I love about them? They bicker and they banter and it's genuinely so fun to listen to shskdhsuwj

(For a quick catch up: During the end of 2.0 Shinji (the protagonist) triggers another apocalyptic event, the Near Third Impact, and was only stopped due to Kaworu (the guy in my pfp) stepping in. Also between 1.0/2.0 and 3.0/3.0+1.0 are about 14 years (without Shinji bc he's like comatose) where A LOT happens AND we learn in 3.0 that Eva pilots don't age physically bc of "The curse of the Eva"... honestly Eva is wild lmao)

Okay okay I'll get back to it!

So one thing that happens is that Asuka during 2.0 develops a crush on Shinji (girl why-), unfortunately things take a turn for the worse. Asuka had volunteered to be the testpilot for a new Eva (Unit 03), she seemed happy at the time and it was a really sweet build up with the "I can smile, I didn't know I could still do that."-line. And then? Then it turns out the Ninth Angel had infected Unit 03 (Angels are basically the Kaijus they fight using Evas btw). The thing goes on a loose and Shinji is forced to fight it (With Asuka inside mind you), he refuses and his father uses an autopilot to destroy Unit 03. And boy did it destroy the angel, well it and it crushed Asuka between its jaws (you can actually hear her scream btw haha pain :)).

Asuka survived though, but the whole incident cost her her humanity and she ended up becoming an angel herself/she took the place of the Ninth. But despite that, there's one person who keeps believing in Asuka's humanity, who fiercely believes Asuka is still a human and tells her as much.

Yep, that one person is Mari and she keeps holding onto that belief until the very end when Asuka uses her last resort, which is using the power of an angel (Doing so was a guaranteed death sentence btw). Mari's own words (in the German dub) were, "Princess, you're giving up being human…" AND IT MAKES ME SO EMO GOD FUCK

While I'm at it, Mari and Asuka are a fucking killer combo as a team. They rely on each other for support in combat, listen to the other's orders and advice. Especially in Asuka's case it's kind of a big deal that she so openly relies and counts on Mari's support. Like these two trust each other with their damn lifes!!! Holy shit!!

Guess what though, they also have nicknames for eachother. Mari always calls Asuka "Princess" or "(Your) Highness" while Asuka calles Mari "Four-eyes" / "Four-eyed chrony (idk how you spell that tbh RIP" Even better though, in the German dub Asuka calls Mari "Brillerella" as in a combination of "Brille" (German for glasses) and "Cinderella",,,,Cinderella and her Prince,,,Brillerella and her Princess,,, man, that was a gay fucking move of the translation team. Spoiler: I owe them my life.

Funfact: There's exactly two times throughout the Rebuild movies where Mari uses Asuka's actual name. These two times being when she watches Asuka "die" and be used as a sacrifice for Gendo's selfish plan and when later on she begs Shinji, "So please the Princess… Asuka needs your help!" And the best part? That wasn't even the first time she did that. The mentioned line came from 3.0+1.0, but she did that too in 3.0 with the, "At least save the Princess!" line (although her tone was much more...pissed, like she was really angry lol)

Remember the crush Asuka had on Shinji? Well due to the Unit 03 incident a whole lot of other shit got mixed into that and her feelings for him in general became really bitter (understandably so). Now Mari being who she is sometimes teases Asuka about said old crush but she really does want Asuka to get closure and sort that mess out. 

As an example for the teasing, in 3.0 there's a scene that goes like this (please imagine Mari with a literal :3 face while saying that):

"Unit! Are you back in the game?"

"I'm on it, your Highness. But first things first, how was our little puppy (Shinji)? Did he sit like a good little boy?"

"He's exactly the same! Same stupid face talking mayhem!"

"That goofy face of his, that's what you wanted to see? Riiiiight?"

"Shut up! I went there to bat him one!... And I feel better!"

There's also a very short bonus manga that was released in Japan for Thrice Upon a Time's release that has Mari trying to convince Asuka to come with her on the mission to get Shinji, given everything that follows, it's just another thing to prove my point. And the final bit relating to that is this:

"Feeling better now?"

"Yeah, I do feel better."

That's the exchange Asuka and Mari have after they talked to Shinji, it's nothing special but I think it's really sweet and this time Asuka actually sounded like she was feeling better instead of when she was screaming after she nearly broke pretty thick glass with her fist (If she had hit someone with that much force she definitely would've broken something omggg #violentimpulsesgang)

To get back on track though: I already mentioned it but during the second half of 3.0+1.0 Asuka "dies" (and honestly that entire scene is worth its own in-depth post because its just one huge parallel to The End of Evangelion), the point is: You can tell that the loss of Asuka honestly hits Mari hard. Not only because of how Mari screams Asuka's name but also because of her expressions. They're pained, like really fucking pained and Mari even apologizes to her that she has to fall back due to the fact that she's injured AND because eveything is going wrong.

After the events of Evangelion 3.0 these two got seperated from eachother, Mari was with WILLE (the organization both of them are with) and on board of Wunder (the ship WILLE basically operates from) while Asuka was in a Village full of (Near) Third Impact Survivors. When they do meet again it went like this:

Asuka, barely back, comes to the door and calls, "I'm back." And within seconds of Asuka stepping into their room after the door opens Mari already runs towards her, arms wide open and she says, "Welcome back, your Highness! Good job. I missed you so much!" And she says that while she literally nuzzles into Asuka,,,like,,,what the fuck gay people real!!! 

Best part? Asuka clearly has enough strength to push Mari completely away if she were uncomfortable, but she doesn't. Asuka merely wanted enough space to look at the room (because Mari managed to horde even more books lol) and play her game. During their entire renunion Mari keeps hugging her, and part of me thinks that perhaps deep down Asuka actually enjoys the feeling of physical affection.

Before we get to the last point though, let me say that Asuka and Mari have scenes in 3.0+1.0 that parallel Shinji and Kaworu's from 3.0. (Fyi Kaworu loves Shinji (yeah, like that, and 3.0 was basically them being gay as fuck for an hour) so like...do I even need to explain? 

And then of course there's also this, the "Take care of yourself, Princess…" line. That is the last time Mari talks to Asuka and as much as that line alone already is so much, it's Mari's expression in particular that kills me. Because this? This soft, almost bittersweet expression she has, as she basically says goodbye? Because she knows Asuka will finally be happy and safe? It just makes me feel so much actually. Man.

In the end it's a fact that Mari loved Asuka, wether that is interpreted as platonic or romantic by someone is up to them. But it is a fact that Asuka was loved enough that someone wanted to hug her, was happy to see her, to praise her, was hurt by her loss, wanted her to be safe, that someone told her "Take care of yourself…" Asuka was really and honestly so loved that someone would tell her, "I missed you."

But Asuka? Asuka was too hurt, too wrapped up in her own head to actually see how loved she was by Mari (and other people) that she genuinely believed she's completely alone and always will be alone.

It makes the "Take care of yourself" line hit even harder to me, because it's not only Mari's goodbye, but it's a goodbye during the one time Asuka allowed herself to be vulnerable and admit what she really wanted.

And honestly? All of this? Its makes me feel so many things and I just love them  so much man.

[lwoorl]

Fanfic retrospective 2018

I have seen 2 people doing this and I thought, oh, why not?! So lets revisit all the fics submitted last year!

Online Hero Need Friends:

Summary: Izuku makes some online friends when he's in middleschool that he keeps when he becomes a pro hero. But he never told them he's The Deku.

Thoughts: This fic was kind of unexpected for me! In a lot of ways. I got inspiration for the idea from a post of Tumblr, but wasn't really going to do anything with it, and one night, suddenly, I just started to write it! I finished the first chapter around 3am on a work day and the response was… Unexpectedly amazing? I remember watching at my phone just seeing the numbers growing and growing, so many people just loved it!!! So I decided hey fuck it let's make it have multiple chapters so, I sort of did that. All chapters were written on moments between classes and it's amazing so many people liked this because it's mostly just a self indulgent piece of fluff with some ocs hanging out, a friend described it as “A long ass fic where nothing happens” (Which is super accurate) but I enjoyed making it and I loved creating the characters!!! I'm gonna finish it sometime in 2019. Sorry for everyone who's been waiting for the epilogue, but I promise this isn't abandoned!!!!

This is my most successful fic to the date which is honestly fucking weird. I'm serious guys, this is a story where NOTHING happens, just fluff with no substance and not even with characters you already know beforehand!! The hell is wrong with you?!

I don't believe you. You aren't like THAT:

Summary: Dick tells Damian he's gay. His brother doesn't take it well.

Thoughts: Ooof this fic. This was a vent fic. I made it after some stuff happened, mostly cause I relate super hard to Dick's relationship with Damian. Tbh this is just a self indulgent wish fulfilment piece of crap, but hey, that's what fics are for, aren't they?! It's actually super embarrassing to think this was my first DC fic, because, again, self indulgent trash. I'm honestly never ever ever gonna recommend anyone to read it, it's, well, embarrassing!!! I hope no one who knows me in real life ever touches it, they would immediately know which situation made me write it and I would just combust with embarrassment on the spot. Ugh. I've thought about orphaning it because, again, super personal and super embarrassing!!! But it's also kind of close to my heart? So I don't think I could just throw it away ever.

Night Habits:

Summary: Damian has a nightmare and goes to Dick's room to feel better. It's not the same as before. (Talon!Dick Grayson series)

Thoughts: This is another fic that was surprisingly popular!! I was thinking of writing a talon!dick story for a while now, and one day I just sit and wrote this. Again, Dick and Damian's relationship is SO precious to me, so of fucking course I did it about that. To be honest I feel this story is lacking because it lacks any context whatsoever, it's a problem I've noticed with all that series, it's just cute or sad moments without much context. But then again, it's fanfiction, and I learned a while ago to stop worrying whether something I post is good or not. Personal enjoyment > Quality.

Grappling Hook:

Summary: Little Dick Grayson goes missing soon after he moved to the manor. Bruce finds him sleeping in the cave as a grappling hook. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: Oh man. Listen, one day I just thought “Hey, I wanna see a soul eater AU of the batfam.” Then I looked and looked… And there wasn't any!! Can you believe it?! So I started to think of my own, not really knowing if it would be a comic or an ask blog or a fanfic. 

Soon it became more of a soul-eater-inspired thing than something actually related to soul eater, because honestly the only thing I really wanted was an au where everything was the same except people turned into objects. I shared the idea with a friend and we started to brainstorm worldbuilding and headcanons. One of those headcanons was that one day Dick just sorta disappeared and Bruce found him as an object sleeping somewhere. I'm not sure why I wrote this first? But I guess I had to start the series somehow and people liked it. So, yay.

Bo Staff:

Summary: Tim turns into an object for the first time. And then accidentally gets locked in a closet. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: My fingers puked this fic THE MOMENT I finished Grappling Hook. Listen, at that point I had been around 6 months without classes and bored out of my mind so, can you blame me? A ton of the following fics also happened DAYS after these, so, yeah, I guess I just really needed something to do, the following weeks were just insanely productive for me.

I like the contrast this fic creates with Dick's. Overall, I think it's ok. I'm not sure if I want to subscribe to the portrayal of Tim's parents here? I like the idea that they care but just are too absorbed on their work to actually notice the kid exists, but I think here they came off as downright hateful. Oh well, I can blame it to it being from Tim's POV I guess. Unreliable narrator and what not. I also think I didn't make it as angsty as I wanted it to be, but most people said it was still pretty sad, so, I guess that's ok.

How (not) to cope when your brother is turned into a zombie that might or might not still be him:

Summary: Tim realizes he's (just maybe) been fucking up a little bit. (Talon!Dick Grayson series)

Thoughts: Oh, this thing. I liked how this thing turned out! I don't 100% like my portray of Talon!Dick on this series. I wanted to make it kind of like Rei in the evangelion movies after she becomes an empty doll, but, like, not so drastic? But idk man, I just have seen way more interesting portrayals of Talon!Dick before so maybe that's why I feel like it's lacking. 

I really enjoyed writing this one fic tho, there are some scenes I really enjoyed writing in here, like when Tim got kicked out of his team for an university project hahaha. Also this was my first time writing a nightmare and it made me realize my deep love for writing dream sequences. Since then I'm trying to restrain myself from adding a dream to every single one of my stories, since I feel it's more powerful with moderation, but believe me when I say the tentation is there…. Hm. Maybe I could write something that's nothing but compilations of characters dreams???? Sure would be a cool character exploration exercise. Hm. Hmmmmmm… I might just have had an idea….

Training:

Summary: Jason asks Dick to help him training on being a shifter. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: This was a fun thing to write!!! I wasn't sure about writing young Jason, but it turned out alright, and overall I just had fun making this!!! I think I portrayed Dick and Jason's relationship well enough, maybe a bit more friendly than they were at the time, but fuck it, I liked this story.

Changzhou Comb:

Summary: Cassandra has a hard time forgetting old habits. (Shifters AU series) 

Thoughts: Oh man. This thing. This thing. Listen I didn't know Cass that well before writing this, I knew some about her and her backstory, but I wasn't really that interested in the character. However, I got this thing that makes me want to portray characters that aren't mine really well, so, naturally, I read every single one of her issues as Batgirl as preparation. Twice.

And. I. Loved it. I loved it so much!!! I loved her so SO much!!! She was such an amazing, endearing, interesting character!!!! Then I finally sit down, and started the story. And let me tell you I was SUPER worried this would turn out mediocre, I wanted to portray the character well but didn't think I could. But then, then something, I don't know what, but something possessed me and I just… Began writing. And it turned out amazing. This is one of my best fics to date. I'm super proud of this one and it's a shame it's the least popular story of this series.

Grandfather's Collection:

Summary: A funny cute little story from Damian's childhood: The first time he pets a cat! (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: This fic was fun to write! It allowed me to show some stuff I wanted to show and it's always a treat to use an unreliable narrator. Also Damian as a tiny little kid excited because of a cat is a treasure. I guess I wish this had been a bit creepier??? But then again, it's hard to make anything truly creepy when your narrator is a tiny kid who's having the best day of his life.

Revolver:

Summary: Some time after coming back to life Jason discovers something's changed. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: I got conflicted feelings about this one. On one hand, I like how the narrator for Jason turned out, and I think the story is fine, it just feels… Idk, contrived? It does depart from canon by a lot (I'm sorry but I just love aus where Jason stays with Talia and Rah's for some time) and I worry Rah's motivations come off as, you know, kinda shallow??? He feels like a Disney villain. And I honestly like writing him like a Disney villain???? I know he's complex in canon and stuff but… Idk, I kind of really enjoy writing him as the embodiment of evil who can decide if you live or die in a whim, so I will probably keep writing him like that, even if it's ooc.

Engraving:

Summary: Tim asks Jason if he knows a good tattoo parlor. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: This one was fun!!! This was a bit of worldbuilding I wanted to show since I first invented this AU, and I think it turned out alright. I'm satisfied with Jason and Tim's interactions. I think including the conversations with Kon and Bart at the end was kind of forced maybe??? But fuck it!! It's fic!!! Personal enjoyment > Quality!

Sleepover:

Summary: Damian has a nightmare. Set during Dick's time as Batman. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: Hellooo again my love for writing weird ass dreams!! This fic was fun, and I like how it ended. From Damian's nightmare to Dick comforting him, it was nice. Just, a nice fic overall. I don’t have much else to add, just. I liked it, I had fun. I really like this one.

Tantrum:

Summary: Jason refuses to shift back, Bruce is out of his depth. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: Honestly this is bad. Just, a bad fic. I really wanted to write something with this general plot, but I don't know if I just wasn't inspired or what but at some point I just went “Ya know what, fuck it.” And rushed it, just, getting out of the way the list of things I wanted to include. Which is a shame cause the basic premise was good!!! I think I might rewrite it someday, I would like to actually write something good out of that plot. Hm.

Let's dance in my borrowed shoes tonight:

Summary: Dick is missing. Someone has to cover for him. (Talon!Dick Grayson series)

Thoughts: Another Cass fic, another idea I wasn't sure I could live up to, another amazing fic that turned out better than expected. I don't know why but Cass just awakens some poetic part of me I guess. It's funny, the more I write her, the more she starts to turn into my favorite character.

I like this one, a lot. Cass as Nightwing is super super cool, and I like how awkward and insecure she is with the whole thing. I really liked the whole watercolor thing too. I was practicing how to use watercolors around the time I wrote this, so you can bet that line came directly from that. I liked to describe the city as painting, I think it suits it. I just. Liked that part a lot.

Also you get a random girl trying to kiss Cass, so what’s not to love?!

Hight morning last minute visit:

Summary: Jason visits someone he hasn't seen in a while. (Talon!Dick Grayson series)

Thoughts: I had this idea for a while now, almost since the beginning of the series, a friend gave it to me and I wanted to write it but I wasn't sure how. I think this turned out alright, I liked my portrayal of Talon!Dick in this one for a change, and I really really liked adding that part where Jason admits he didn't actually kill anyone and tells the story of the kid.

Also, I had this idea for the happy birthday, and I even told my friend “I'm gonna end it in happy birthday Dick and it's gonna be super sad” and she was like “uhhh… Ok?” And I made sure the last line was a gut punch, and based on the reaction of everyone in the comments I succeeded!!!! It was important for me that the last line turned up the sad a lot, it was the whole point of the fic, so I'm glad I could make it work!!!!!

And by the way, the title isn’t a typo. I know how to write “high”. 

Training II: Teacher's teacher

Summary: Someone had to teach Dick how to be good at shifting before he was actually good at it. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: Oh man, this whole thing was basically just an info dump disguised as fluff. I needed to add some worldbuilding before moving to some stuff in this series so I used this to get it out of the way, I really hope it wasn't too confusing!!!

In general I liked this fic, I had a ton of fun writing it! I had this idea of Lois being an absolute beast in this AU and I'm happy I could finally show it off, even if I kind of feel she's a tiny itty bit out of character.

Also, there are tons of fics exploring Dick's relationship with Clark, but not so much with Lois. I wanted to make them closer in this AU than in canon and I like how their relationship was portrayed here…. Lois is just a ton of fun.

I also really like how when Lois talks about being a shifter her speech is exactly the opposite of what Dick tells Jason, just a fun detail that shows everything the characters say is just their perspective and everyone got a different opinion on how they see being a shifter, no one’s 100% right.

This was the last fic of 2018 and you got no fucking idea how hard it was to have it ready in time. I almost didn't include the last part because of lack of time, but!! At the end I was able to add everything I wanted to!!! And publish it in time!!!

Special fic

Syntax error.

Listen. Listen. This. This is a special one, that's why I'm talking about this apart from the others. Why is this fic a special one you ask? Oh, I don't know, maybe because I've bEEN WORKING AROUND EIGHT MONTHS ON THIS SHIT BEFORE EVEN PUBLISHING IT?!

Listen. Just. Just listen. I spent way too much time just plotting this story. Way too long. I spent hours just ranting about this to my friends. I made a fucking playlist for this thing. I spent days just figuring out what the chapters will be named. I spent HOURS. DAYS. Researching each character to write them properly, there are chapters I've written like four times for this shit.

Now, is this perfect? Hell no. Specially the first chapters are unpolished as hell and you know you're gonna find typos because I always miss at least one. But as far as I'm concerned this is the only thing I'm actually putting effort into. All the other fics? All the other fics and series I've talked about? Those are just projects to pass the time. Stuff I do when I'm bored. I love them, sure, but it's not like it took more than three hours to write any of them. They're fun stuff, they're entertainment, they're something to pass the time. I will write them between classes or when I'm bored and open drive in my phone and write them without much planning or care. They're just that. Fun

But this thing? This thing right here? Syntax error? That's my baby. That's my goddamn main project. This thing right here already stole hours of my goddamn life and it will only keep stealing more. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I honestly don't give a fuck how many people read this one, I'm past the point of caring. I have and will keep pouring tears, sweat and blood into this shit. This is something I actually care about. This. This is such a personal project guys…. I…. Love… This one…

So that's the retrospective of fics published on 2018!!!!

Man, that was fun, let's just hope 2019 is also a fun, productive year!!!!!