#tbh i feel absolutely so out of loop but i dont mind

[fauxpapillons]

merry birth for me!

[paingoes]

destroyer :3c

(Masterlist)

no content warnings apply this time! just an eye strain warning.

=======================

ndhakdvsnnd: do you know sunspot

katkittykat: omgz yessss!!!! thats my bffl :333

ndhakdvsnnd: have you two been talking this whole time then

katkittykat: ummmm hehehhehe

katkittykat: can u give me a sec plz

ndhakdvsnnd: okay

[ndhakdvsnnd has been added to Secret Rebel Chat :3]

katkittykat: hai :3

sunspot: Hey!! Is now a good time? 

ndhakdvsnnd: yeah okay is this an ambush

katkittykat: yes!!

sunspot: No its not an ambush

sunspot: Kitten why did you say yes youre going to scare him

katkittykat: imma ambush predator >:3c !

sunspot: Well you know Daddy loves that about you ;^)

ndhakdvsnnd: oh my god are you two fucking for real

sunspot: No sorry that was a bad joke. 

katkittykat: its not an ambush!!! we r gonna tell u the truth like we said we would & u dont have to do anythin abt it rn just hear us out

sunspot: Are you ready for some sick knowledge to get dropped on you?

ndhakdvsnnd: okay 

sunspot: Alright awesome i have been waiting for a chance to loop you in we have been talking about it for a while

sunspot: OKay so the big secret is that Me and Kitty are part of this rebel group that is working to overthrow the empire

sunspot: And we want your help :)

ndhakdvsnnd: wow a rebel group that wants to overthrow empire?

ndhakdvsnnd: thanks that really narrows it down

sunspot: Haha good point! Let me put it another way

sunspot: We’re the one that’s serious

katkittykat: ooooo burn

ndhakdvsnnd: galatea?

katkittykat: bingo !

sunspot: Yes exactly! 

katkittykat: u heard of us huh? :3

ndhakdvsnnd: yeah i admit that is cooler than the 5000 other rebel groups who have been trying to contact me

katkittykat: awwwe u a fan?

ndhakdvsnnd: i have mixed feelings but what do you want

katkittykat: ok tbh ill cut to the chase we want exclusivity

katkittykat: would u mind sending the intel directly to us instead of posting it on threads

sunspot: We know it’s a big ask but we have confirmation that Empire is keeping up with it now and we’ve watched them readjust their plans after they get leaked

katkittykat: plusssss its put u at lower risk of being caught out

katkittykat: hello?

ndhakdvsnnd: you understand why id be reluctant to do that right

katkittykat: yes :c

ndhakdvsnnd: im not really comfortable betting everything on you and theres a lot of information in here that concerns people outside of galatea so i wouldnt want them to lose access

sunspot: Galatea has many channels. We can distribute warnings to civilian populations a lot quicker than they could stumble onto it themselves. Anonymous forum posts were never your best bet at real dissemination.

ndhakdvsnnd: thats true. but i would have to really trust you to follow through and i dont have any way of knowing you are who you say you are

sunspot: Hop on call.

ndhakdvsnnd: absolutely not

katkittykat: just hop on!! u dont have to talk or turn ur camera on but we will show u where we are rn

ndhakdvsnnd: fine give me a second

[sunspot started a video call in Secret Rebel Chat :3]

[sunspot ended a video call in Secret Rebel Chat :3]

ndhakdvsnnd: okay

sunspot: Let us know if you need any other verification but hopefully thats proof enough for right now

ndhakdvsnnd: no i believe you. still i dont know if i really want to be caught picking a side or playing favorites like this. my position right now is really precarious i dont want to endanger it by committing to anything official

sunspot: This is all under the table, if that helps.

ndhakdvsnnd: what do you mean

katkittykat: its not an official commitment bcuz u r not an official source !!! u r all cagey abt ur identity n shit but we know ur good for it so we js pass it along anon

ndhakdvsnnd: and that wouldn’t change if i give you exclusivity?

katkittykat: nope!!! we can keep the whole thang locked up seriously itll jst be the 3 of us in on it :3

sunspot: Tell him the other part

katkittykat: ummm i changed my mind actually i dont wanna do that 

sunspot: It’s important.

katkittykat: ok we also were gonna try and offer u whistleblower immunity

katkittykat: but forget it i know u wont accept it

ndhakdvsnnd: im not a whistleblower

katkittykat: see what did i say 

ndhakdvsnnd: can you fuck off

sunspot: Sorry! But we cant pretend we dont know whats going on with you and frankly it makes us really scared for your safety

katkittykat: ya like i went along w ur hacker bs and i even believed it for a min but i need u to know 

katkittykat: i do this like ten hours a day everyday and ive never gotten anywhere near the amount of dirt that u have pulled up recently

katkittykat: its not an indictment against ur skill or anything its simply loike. this is my job. and ik u arent at my level. so u have to have been given clearance from within

katkittykat: ur inner circle arent u?

ndhakdvsnnd: this is an ambush

sunspot: Ok Kitty lay off him

ndhakdvsnnd: i am not “inner circle” and i need you to stop looking into me right now. i wont tell you anything at all if you keep trying this.

sunspot: We’re sorry. We were only asking because we wanted to try and help you if you are in a bad place. 

ndhakdvsnnd: fuck off

sunspot: Okay! 

katkittykat: so are we still exclusive 

katkittykat: hello?

katkittykat: ugh noooo did i tank the deal

sunspot: Nice going.

ndhakdvsnnd: im still here

katkittykat: omg hi!!!! im sorry i didnt mean to upset u can we talk abt it

ndhakdvsnnd: okay

sunspot: Do you really think we’re going to rat you out? We just told you how much we need you. Theres no reason for us to endanger your position we are trying to make sure you DONT get hurt

ndhakdvsnnd: okay. i mean i guess i just confirmed it for you.

katkittykat: we already knew lowk

ndhakdvsnnd: great

sunspot: Do you wanna talk about immunity then?

ndhakdvsnnd: i dont know what that means

katkittykat: hes askin if you want us to pick you up

ndhakdvsnnd: that isnt possible

sunspot: Are you sure? I’m confident we could work something out.

ndhakdvsnnd: no. you have no idea what youre getting yourself into 

sunspot: Alright. Kinda figured you’d say something like that. We had to try.

ndhakdvsnnd: thank you. i know you mean well but please dont waste any more time on me. just tell me what you need.

sunspot: I don’t feel right just taking from you constantly and not giving anything back.

ndhakdvsnnd: you wouldnt feel that way if you knew me. like i said its the least i could do.

sunspot: Okay. Well let us know if you ever change your mind.

ndhakdvsnnd: its not about me changing my mind im telling you its a logistical impossibility

katkittykat: y

ndhakdvsnnd: i cant get into it

katkittykat: :(

sunspot: We respect your silence on the matter then. Right Kitty????

katkittykat: haha yea whatever

katkittykat: we love u bby let us know if we can do anything

katkittykat: <3

[vulpixisananimal]

SIFSTEM PLAYLIST

I got a few suggestions from people, and I have explinations for a lot of the music too BECASUE IM A HUGE MUSIC NERD!!! Below the cut!!

ALSO I'm gonna add more songs over time and will probably update this. Lol. I'm ALWAYS taking suggestions for it! I like music!!!

PLAYLIST ORDER

Each section for the Sifstem members is designated by an ISAT origonal song, and in each section is song for that member! There's two exceptions which I'll go over real quick!

Your fault/Last Midnight - First song on the playlist, it's about basicly all the members. It's about a bunch of characters arguing about who's fault it is that everything's gone to shit before blaming it on the witch. And then in Last Midnight the witch goes off on them about it doesn't matter who's to blame, they have to deal with it.

It takes two - Last song on the playlist. Also from Into the Woods, this, by contrast, is about how people change and work together well.

Also some songs I choose off lyrics, others off of just vibes.

NOW FOR THE SECTIONS

Siffrin

Final room (act 5/6) - If there was a good Siffrin theme from ISAT, I think this is it. I like it.

Russian Doll - "Why should I try again?" This was a song reccomended to me a while ago actually, it fits.

Touch - ok this one's a bit mean but, listen, he is so touch starved. This song fits. "Touch, I remember touch, feelings came with touch."

No dogs on the moon! - vibe song! Silly fella song!

Bohemian Rhapsody - one of my favorite songs of all time ever. There's too much to type out, tbh.

Loop

How can you help me, Stardust? - do I even need to say anything?

Absolutely cuckoo - listen to the lyrics. "You might decide I'm a nut \ Give me a week or two to \ go absolutly cuckoo \ then when you see your error \ you can flee in terror" LIKE COME ON

The Future - "I'm worried about the future, ain't fucking with that past shit." Loop is really trying to move on. How could they? They're stuck in their betters shadow, their mind.

A humans touch - this one was by @\jackoboltrades! Very fitting for Loop who still feels they don't deserve love, or that they're just a star, not human, not real.

Rage Awakened - based purely on the loop fight. It's a vibe song but I love this song. Also Lingering Will (the character this theme is for) does have some similarities to Loop, being echoes of the past defeats and wishes.

Haunted - being haunted by past mistakes or just the past in general. Though it has some romantic undertones that I can take or leave

Mal Du Pays

Mal Du Pays - AGAIN do I need to explain anything

Mr. FEAR - "Hello, my name is mr. fear." considering how Mal Du Pays is introduced and how it interacts with Siffrin, well, that line alone makes it an MDP song.

Dark Impetus - Vibe song! Mysterious figure cloaked in dark, too. Lol.

Ghosts - "Maybe the past aint what it cracked up to be \ Maybe I'll find a way to just move on \ Maybe we're all ghosts cause I cant feel the ground \ And all these shades they dont make a sound \ I think there is a God \ I think he hates his job" Do I need to say anything.

Stained, Brutal Calamity - Recomended by a friend! Both vibes but also the lyrics that come later have a MDP vibe. I like it.

Burn My Dread (last battle) - "Tear up your fear \ the end is coming near" Honestly Persona 3 has a vibe that could fit MDP quite well.

Null

I WON'T LET YOU GO HOME - Act 5 Siffrin, someone who's both repressing their own feelings to their family but also doesn't want to let them go, to the point of hurting everyone. Nuff said.

Panoramic Feeling - this and the other Katana Zero songs are here cause, well, Zero fictive, plus has the vibe.

All for now - same song used to fight Ramos. It was this or Full Confession, and this fits more for it's desperate or crazed vibe.

L'impeto Oscuro - This is actually a retrain of Dark Impetus, it's the them of a time traveler who can stop time (Kingdom hearts lore dont worry about it.) This specific mix also included the music for when time is stopped during the fight. It's ruthless, endless.

I'm my own master now - Very heavy and hard and strong and powerful, also! The Lyrics! "Bear the mark of my scars \ Shedding blood underneath the stars"

Labyrinth - Being lost in an endless labarynth of their own mind. Very much like act 5 Siffrin, like Null. Plus, Null is not exactly mentally stable.

Rain on brick - Katana Zero song, it's the menue theme. It's just. . . Vibes.

[i-sveikata]

Do you think Pete's loyalty was lowered after learning Korn faked his death? Not only was it very horrible for his sons to experience but also a very brutal tactic to lure Gun into a major family home. Gun knew he was capable of this but still decided to attack. Did he knew about Namphueng? In the series it was shown that he was pretty surprised seeing her alive, so I wonder if you made more changes here. Also I'm curious if you decided who killed Porsche's parents (dad) which was left open ended in the series (no need to answer if it's too much of a spoiler 😅).

About the rings.. Are there only two, rings for minor and major family? If so how did Vegas have it, wasn't he only an heir unlike Kinn? If there were more rings it would make sense but I'm not sure which path you took. I've read some fics where there are more than one for each family.

In terms of Pete's loyalty he must have some negative emotions towards Kinn and Korn. I think he was ready to kill Gun anyway.

In the series Porsche takes the ring because they took it from Gun's dead body (which btw ew 💀).

I wonder if in their universe having the ring is like having a holy stick to all the power or is it more like a formality. This is nice because I've never read this kind of thing happening. Mostly it stayed with Vegas. If he was ready to die did he think Pete would rule the minor family? Or maybe he knew he would survive anyway and it was the safest place to keep it. I mean, I really like how you made it because even if the rings are not holy sticks it still holds a lot of meaning for them all. Which is insane!!

Obviously I have my own ideal ending but it requires one more person dead 👀

Considering it will take months for Vegas to recover - do you plan on doing any time skips? Or just the usual day to day or week narrative?

Please don't feel pressured into answering all of these. It's just my mind keeps wondering while I wait for my bus home from work 😅

I'm still in awe of all planning and world building. How it all makes sense. Not that I'm looking for loop holes 😅 it just shows the awesome skill you have!

Take care and happy Halloween 🙏❤️

hey there!!! i actually don't think that necessarily??? in my mind, even though pete knows he's loyal to the main family i can see him actually applying that loyalty to the specific people he actually deals with instead i.e, kinn, tankhun, chan. i think with his upbringing he would find it difficult to blindly put his trust into korn, a man who hes barely spoken to and hardly interacts with at all. so while yes he was disgusted with what korn did in terms of hurting his own family it didnt necessarily lower his feelings of loyalty because they werent particularly directed at korn in the first place??? if that makes sense. i think his loyalty took a much worse hit when he returned from the safehouse and kinn treated him badly after everything hed sacrificed.

hmm i dont actually think he did know about namphueng being alive? he defs didnt trust korn though he wasnt necessarily certain that hed faked his death either. but the coup was absolutely motivated by namphueng and how that situation was handled- it was less about the minor family feeling slighted like hed told vegas and always drilled into him, and more about how his obsession with nampheung meant that he could never let his resentment go until korn was out of the picture and hed honoured her even in death. but we also know that he never takes responsibility for his actions so of course he would blame korn for everything regardless of who was actually responsible.

i dont particularly have any interest in which one of them actually killed her husband tbh? i find its a good summation of their characters in the fact that you couldnt really trust either at their word and wed never quite know for certain who did it regardless of what they say

in my head there are two family rings and vegas only had it because that was his father's reward for the coup, like his coming of age moment was his father finally acknowledging him as a successor (and it was the only way he could sweeten the deal when vegas started to show reluctance for the coup because of pete. so his father threw in the two things he desperately wants, ceremonial acknowledgement of his power and place in the family, and a guarantee that he wont get any resistance from his father about his relationship with pete) so although things are still going to follow the show i.e korn promoting porsche to the head of the family (as a punishment to vegas and a way to try and keep pete from gaining power and authority) porsche still aint getting that ring (sorry porsche!) not because pete wouldnt give it if porsche asked but because of the messiness of the situation, porsche doesn't ask. doesnt actually want it.

haha holy stick of power lol but yeah kinda?? i take it as whoever wears the ring is the head of that family or is set to be the successor/is temporarily acting as the head (in the event of someone else being ill like korn was at the beginning when kinn took over)

so yes vegas was showing how seriously he values pete and i think hes also aware that pete would still treat his men decently in spite of their history and get them out alive so when he knew there was a likelihood of his own death he was both passing it on to pete and also knowing hed keep it safe (and maybe trusting hed give it to the right person if pete didnt end up wanting the responsibility himself). but not only that the ring also holds a very significant power for vegas, its a symbol of everything that he wants in life so for him to give it to pete even when he still chose in that moment to abandon him that was his way of signaling to pete his importance even in spite of vegas' actions. it was a very definite way of say i love you and i value you and thats exactly what pete picked up on when he realised what vegas had given him. and thats why he was thinking 'of course vegas has to give two answers'

yeah lol i kinda want korn dead for real too but we shall see if that actually comes to fruition in the story! hmm not too sure about the time jumps as of yet but i am going to focus on the current events following the aftermath because those will be important to the story itself. there will be a time skip of sorts because we should be shifting over into vegas POV in the next chap ish and thats going to take some time because he'll be seriously out of it on pain medication so hes not going to be entirely lucid for a while. the rest i am making it up as i go along so i will predict there will likely be time skips? will just have to see how it all fits really

oh no not at all!! i do like answering these questions and having a think about it i dont feel pressured :) hahahahahh thank you so much that's really nice!

happy halloween to you too!!

[waterfall-ambience]

i will not put noli me tangere and el filibusterismo in perpetua, i will not put noli me tangere and el filibusterismo in perpetua, i will not put noli me tangere and el filibusterismo in perpetua, i will not-

rambling under the cut because i need to figure out something to finish this scene:

the reason why i bring it up at all is because i want to show what a mundane conversation between damien and avery is like when there's not really much else happening in their lives.

much of their conversations in arc 1 were mundane yes but it was like 'getting to know each other (and also letting damien heal a bit after going through the horrors)'. also i will probably need another pass at arc 1 act 2 because i think things are a little messy thematically and i start juggling quite a lot.

-> anyways i wanted that mundane friendship conversation to be about a piece of media. i think literary analysis is something the two of them would talk about (because that's exactly the type of nerds they are, and you've gotta write what you know, yknow?)

there is a precedent for including real books and pieces of media in perpetua. i did it early in arc 1 with mary shelley's frankenstein, to establish perpetua as an educated community, suggest at minerva's sense of humour, and introduce ideas like the rage towards one's creator (with a parent-child / mad science twist).

> haunted hollow (the owl house, but i can't just name drop that one because it's too recent) was mostly used to establish the kind of nerd that avery is, give damien an in-universe blorbo in the form of a zuko/hunter-alike.

>> i might go back to this in arc 3 when the gods chew damien out for not living up to their expectations and compare him to his own blorbo.

> ponyo (which has no in-universe name as of now) was also used to bring in the general theme of "it doesn't matter what you are, i still love you" to the context of damien and avery's friendship. i just needed it to work for a scene and i think it does?

so i absolutely can use real books. the question is whether i should use noli me tangere / el filibusterismo specifically:

el noli came to mind because i'm pretty into it at the moment, and it's thematically rich enough for damien to passionately talk at length about just how hard it goes.

> i'm trying to do this to show that he hasn't just been thinking about haunted hollow for the past 8 months or so, lmao. not that its unrealistic for that to happen, i just think he wouldn't. he's more the type to have a broad knowledge of a lot of different things and then excitedly draw connections between them, rather than fixate on one thing for a long time if that makes sense.

> on a meta level i want to show infodumping and passion in a positive light (avery finds it cute, etc.) because some of my family members don't really appreciate it. i feel like a freak sometimes, i really do.

BUT ANYWAY. the implications of the books

both noli me tangere and el filibusterismo are very much rooted in their socio-historical context, that being the philippines during the late spanish colonial era, and the way it portrays society and the systems in power is unfortunately evergreen. sometimes it feels like hardly anything has changed 137 years later.

in relation to perpetua, the books show a world that the characters have never experienced, whether that be past or present. damien has filipino heritage but the disconnect is apparent (so ironically it loops back around into being a pinoy diaspora experience?). its something to consider when the gods judge him for not being 'good enough representation'.

i dont know how this is going to play out because captain luna is broadly similar to ibarra, in that they're idealistic, upper class illustrado filipinos who studied abroad and had childhood sweethearts named maria-[something], neither of whom they got with in the end. with bonus queer aspects of their stories because tbh it reads like there was Something between ibarra and elias. but anyway. i dont think luna would've read noli and i dont know how he'd feel about the parallels between him and ibarra. probably not very good!

maria-isabel was named after maria clara YES, but i read noli and fili recently so everything surrounding the luna/ibarra parallels are a coincidence.

> damien will likely pick up on these parallels and that opens up an entire can of worms!! worms that i don't know what to do with! but also its an interesting book and i want more people to read it because it fucks severely.

if you have any suggestions for works that damien can be interested in (thematic relevance to greater story ideal) i would love to hear them

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

Hi!! First I want to say that A Fresh Start is absolutely my favorite thing I’ve ever read. I binge read it over the past week and I’m getting ready to re-read it. You write so amazingly that I was hoping I could ask you some questions? I’ve been trying to write a Din Djarin piece for a couple months now and I just hate it every time I read through it; and you write him so well! I am not new to the Star Wars fandom, my parents practically raised me on Star Wars, but I’m new to writing fan fiction for the Star Wars community. Do you do a lot of research to get the languages/terms? Do you also do a lot of research on the different worlds? When you’re writing do you pre-plan your plot or do you just write while it feels good? How extensively do you edit? I feel like editing is my downfall. Do you have any advice for for someone like me who is striving to be as good of a writer as you? 🥹 thank you and I can’t wait to read more of your writing!!

PS. Don’t feel like you have to answer this publicly or at all! I mostly just want to give you love on your writing because it is absolutely amazing!! 🩵🩵

OKAY FIRST OF ALL, YOU’RE SO FUCKING SWEET. Thank you so much omgg. And absolutely yes ask me all the questions. I will always answer (you didn’t even have to butter me up with compliments💁🏻‍♀️✨)

I love when people say they like how I write Din b/c I’m low-key just throwing a bunch of headcanons together and praying for the best lolol.

Long rambles ahead of me attempting to answer questions:

For Mando’a, I am not awesome at it. Some people are so way better. I had someone actually correct me once on the tense of a word and it blew my mind. However, I use this dictionary and this translator. I have no idea how accurate either is but I wing it from there lol.

I am a big researcher and it’s b/c I’m a perfectionist. I’m shockingly more lazy about it when it comes to Star Wars worlds. Like, I’ll search it up and get the big things (world name, setting, city names, etc.) but from there I just toss things in that I think would make sense? And in my last chapter of AFS, I just straight made up a world b/c I didn’t feel like doing research. I think that’s part of the beauty in working with a medium like Star Wars is that when it comes to setting you have a lot of free reign.

Ah. The age old question of ‘plotter vs pantser’. There are huge merits to both. For my original story, I have sat down and extensively plotted things out. Like a good little organized writer, which tbh is part of the reason why I’ve been lazy with it. Naturally, I am very much a pantser. I will come into a story with a vague idea of what I want, a few mental scenes I want to play with, but from there I just sort of let it roll. Writing fan fiction is like playing jazz for me. Very in the moment, improvisation, winging it.

Many times, I am surprised by my own ideas and that’s why it’s so much fun. Now, granted once I start writing a plot begins to form in my head. A rough outline. For example, in AFS, I started out with one idea: Domestic Din Djarin. And I had one scene in my head I specifically wanted to write: the scene where reader save a sick Grogu. So, I just started writing things and around chapter 6 or 7 my brain had a rough plan on where I wanted the story to go and how I want it to end, but I still leave it very open for if a new idea suddenly comes to me.

UGH EDITING SUUUUCKS. I go through one round of editing b/c otherwise it feels miserable. I write the chapter or the drabble without stopping to look back and edit. My only recommendation is ‘DONT EDIT WHILE YOU WORK’, b/c you end up getting stuck in this loop. Write it all out, just get it on paper, then read through it and edit afterwards.

I’ll type out a Drabble in google docs without re-reading it or editing it, then I post it over to Tumblr and when it’s on that new page win a different style I read through it and edit as I go. Then I hit post. (So if you come across errors in my work that’s why lolol)

My advice is don’t strive to be like me. (I mean I am totally honored to hear that you think I’m a great writer and want to be like me, that went STRAIGHT to my ego).

But what I mean is, never try to shape yourself into any other style. Don’t ever compare yourself to others. Because I guarantee you, right now, that you have skills and gifts that I probably can’t bring to the table. You are going to write something and just by it being in your voice you are creating something unique and beautiful. So don’t ever try to edit the way you write to match someone else b/c then you’d be depriving the world of your own voice. That being said the best advice I was ever given about improving my own writing skill and style was ‘JUST WRITE’ and it’s so hard lolol. B/c I wanna write but I don’t wanna write. You feel me? I just want all the words in my head to be on paper and that be it hahah. But the point of that is, it’s like any other skill or hobby or sport, the more you do it the better you become and the more comfortable you feel with your style.

I have no formal training in writing. My degree is in science, only took the baseline literature classes in college, so everything I know and do is self taught through trial and error. One of these days, I might post one of my early works b/c it is ATROCIOUS. Like literally godawful. I swear to you I’m not being humble, it was actual trash BUT IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE. The first things you create are not going to be brilliant or moving and they might even make yourself cringe when you look back on it, but as long as you had fun writing it that’s what matters. Then you keep writing and writing and writing and eventually you find your rhythm.

I started writing in the 7th grade. If you compare my 7th grade work to my 10th grade work, I improved by leaps and bounds. Compare my 10th grade work to my sophomore year of college works, again HUGE changes. Compare my college years of writing to what I do today? Even better.

I still have days where I’ll stare at a page and feel incompetent and illiterate. It happens. But I never gave up on writing, b/c it was truly what I loved to do, and gradually I found and solidified my voice. I don’t think I’m an extraordinary writer by any means, but I am confident in the words I use and the style I write in. And that makes me happy.

So, that was my VERY long winded way of saying: I am so proud of you, I think you're being harder on yourself than necessary (everyone is their own worst critic), and have fun. 💜

[thejugheadparadox]

plsss write why you think kendall is written as autistic i wanna hear it <3

right i am no longer as attached to this idea as i once was and i rlly would need to rewatch again to solidify it but i do still have things to say. okay OKAY so. hear me out please.. i KNOW kendall roy is a fucked up man in his 40s but to be fair half the internet calls him their little meow meow (dont mean that disparagingly!) so i think ill say what i like actually. this is literally just what i think might be a writing choice or something that MIGHT have been discussed however minorly behind the scenes if any of the writers or actors have done their research on it.

because like kendall stims, he either doesn't make eye contact or makes a show of it, he submerges himself physically when he needs to calm down (ie in water), he often likes solitude with music and/or routines. he has markedly different and sort of more extreme physical and vocal reactions to things than at least shiv and roman (ie bathroom scene AND THEN HE CLEANS IT UP!). he absolutely has difficulty with certain forms of empathy, and only seems to find it v easy to exist around/open up to/feel comfortable with people who've had really specific (bad) experiences similar to his own (to me naomi is the main example of that, as well as his siblings and sort of stewy). we know he has the remainder of a stutter and likely had broader issues with speech as a child. he is sometimes on the edge of going non-verbal when shit goes wrong for him.

and on that, he's terrible at adapting to change. whenever logan shocks him or acts differently to how he expects, it really throws him through a loop and he can barely ever handle it, so he fixates on being one step ahead. he has obsessive routines and is fixated on self improvement. he carries out plans to the very end even once it's clear theyre not going to work just bc he needs to have done them to move on. the end of which side are you on always comes to mind - his plan went wrong, he has zero fucking clue what to do with himself. and this i leave to the end bc i feel like we all know, its basically explicit: this man performs soooo hard. he basically copies the scripts to all his conversations from his dad and we see him mask multiple times.

ANYWAY. i just maybe think jeremy strong or jesse armstrong (wow they have oddly similar names) might be aware of this, and tbh i wouldnt think that if not for iverson! so iverson roy brings it all together by being kendalls explicitly autistic son (idk if i need to back that up.. he just is yeah? and i love it!). and the symptoms he displays of being blunt and finding change difficult are literally ones that kendall does too, but has had to learn to conceal. and ofc its v common for autistic kids to have autistic parents/relatives. potentially if these are all things the writers/cast are aware of, it could maybepossiblymaybe be an intentional writing choice. just something thats interesting to consider when analysing the character yk.. probably wrong tho especially since i have no idea what it would add to the narrative. id love to know if anyone else has a perspective on that?

[pitter-patter-esikars]

What made you start shipping some of your JJBA ships?

Hmm! That's an interesting question! It's a bit of a longwinded answer and so I'll pt it under a cut! I'm sorry I don't have art for this question, but I'll try to make it up!

I think it depends specifically on the ship to explain why it appeals to me! There's a lot of arguably mainstream ones I like (Bruabba, Avpol, Esikars), because I like the characters as individuals because they're so interesting to me on their own and I think as a pair, they compliment each other and really show what I think is fascinating.

For very canon ones, like Sorlato, Yukako/Koichi (and Squatizi in my heart), it's not broken so I don't see why I should fix it! Yukako had to grow on me a bit because at first she scared me, but like. I love her now. I just think the ones that are technically canon work in their own right in any given scenario and they do pair well and play off each other (cant say much for Sorlato obviously but. theres implications lol). THere's obviously all the Jobro ships (Gyjo, Josuyasu, Jotakak) that I don't have in a different setup, and I think they hold very well as tried-and-true dynamics with plenty of potential for characterr growth in a positive manner that I find particularly pleasant!

Then there's the one I like to call "Braincell Hot Potato" because I like group dynamics and sometimes just making it a ship is a fun way to play even more with the banter and possible scenarios. Joseph/Suzi/Caesar/Whammu is a really fun one because if you split them, Joseph/Suzi clearly worked (for a while), and there's a lot of appeal to Caesar/Whammu on their own, but if you throw in Joseph as the bane of both of their existences, and Suzi as the voice of reason, it's a really funny dynamic! To a lesser extent is Erina/Jonathan/Speedwagon and Jolyne/F.F./Hermes, just because I like them so much as trios I would feel bad if I personally separated them. ESPECIALLY the Stone Ocean girls, I'd feel like I personally needed to atone if I were to cut any one of them out here.

I have a lot of nonsensical ships though! Terence/N'Doul/Vanilla was first proposed in a fic as roommates and tbh the idea really stuck. I used to HATE Vanilla Ice but after he grew on me after MANY years and now I really like throwing him into modern AU scenarios in my brain to think about how he'd tackle them. Terence is on the complete opposite side of him and N'Doul is both almost a voice of reason in comparison and ALSO my favorite villain in part 3, so I didn't see a problem with stickin them all together. I think they just need some time away from Blond Bodysnatching Bloodsuckers. Mariah/Midler is because I love them both very much even though we don't see Midler technically! I think that since canon doesn't touch on them much, they're absolutely fun to pair because it means I can show them the love Araki very clearly forgot to! And there's the obvious villain ones like Karspucci and Kiraboss where their only interactions that I've ever seen near canon has been EoH or Jorge Joestar, and I think they have the potential to be hilarious. Under what circumstances would Kira and Diavolo get along without immediately losing their minds and murdering each other in a loop a-la-Cube House incident? Do Kars and Pucci have anything in common at all? No clue, we should explore these uncharted territories! In a similar note, Shinobu/Kosaku (Kira) is interesting to me because Shinobu was having a great time and Kira actually seemed a bit happy for a moment there, and I wonder if he would be a normal person if he had just Chilled TF Out for a bit. Obviously in canon that's not what happened but I wonder what could've happened if Kira decided to just steal Kosaku's life and do it better than him and be happy with it. Also my wife likes Shinobu very much, and that's what made me think about the ship at all dbfjhg

La Squadra is interesting to me because I really like how the duos (Meloghia, Forluso, Risopro) play off each other as it is, but their appeal as a group extends to there being a lot of shaking up the dynamic. Prosciutto and Illuso, smug bastards as they are, would have a HORRIBLE time on a mission together but I feel like that could be fun to think about. Risotto and Ghiaccio very clearly have opposing personality types but their stands would be exceedingly interesting to figure out were they to do a duo mission. Formaggio and Melone might be the most compatible outside of Meloghia and even then I dont think anyone would leave unscathed. I even like Risotto/Bruno as capos who care deeply for their teams and might even have similar ideologies and circumstances are what kept them from really being friends or getting along. Formaggio/Pesci is also a ship that's slowly gained my attention because I've seen a lot of cute art and while I don't actually ship Pesci with anyone because I'm quite content with his stuff in canon, I just think it's a neat one!

All-in-all though, shipping is really just a side thing! I love ships and character dynamics and scenarios and banter but I also don't really need it to engage with the characters I think! La Squadra's dynamic for me is just as interesting if I didn't think certain characters dating could be funny. Battle Tendency is amazing as it is regardless of if I like Caejose as a couple or as idiot friends who also hate each other.

The only ship that truly matters hands down, is Esikars because...listen. Esidisi had no reason to follow Kars for 10k years and raise kids with him and defend him from their whole race. Esidisi went OUT OF HIS WAY to throw his dignity and tact out the window in the hopes that he could buy enough time for Kars to get the Red Stone even though he KNEW he was going to die. It's stated multiple times that Kars hates Joseph SPECIFICALLY for killing Esidisi. What would drive Kars and Esidisi to be as casual with each other as they are (given their clear ranking system). You LOOK at me and tell me there's no love there.

[kyovtani]

ASKS

hey babies! i’ve decided to answer the asks about back to life one and two like this because ive received so so so many and you guys blew me away so answering every single one of them is the least i can do to show you guys just how grateful i am. thank you so much for giving both parts SO much love, i love and appreciate you guys and the support you’re constantly sending my way with my whole entire heart <33

BYE THE FIC IS SO GOOD SO FAR. MY ANXIETY THO FROM THE ENDING, LIKE PLS KYO REALIZE THE MCS ANXIETY PLS DONT GO OUT WITH SORA PLEASE PLEASE HE SEEN HOW SHE DIDNT LOOK OKAY WHEN HE CAME IN PLEASE REALIZE HER ANXIETY PLEASE

– THANK YOU SO SO MUCH BABY !! this was the very first ask about back to life and it’s honestly the cutest thing ever! I hc Kyoutani to be rally understanding of things like anxiety and depression, generally mental health so that’s why it was easy for him to understand the reader’s situation and mindset! 

BACK TO LIFE!!!!!!!! MY HEART!!!!!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SO GOOD!!!!! i was really excited when you started posting about it!! i can't wait for part 2, i wanna know how they fix this!

AAAH !! thank you so much for the love and support baby!!!! I really hope you enjoyed part 2 just as much, sending you lots of smooches MWAH

OH MY GOD THE KYO FIC IS AMAZING

THANK YOU SO MUCH BABY !!!!! 

OH MY GOD YOUR KYOUTANI FIC HAS ME ACTUALLY FROTHING I LOVE IT SM

IM NOT KIDDING WHEN I SAY THAT MY JAW ACTUALLY DROPPED AT THE LAST COUPLE PARAGRAPHS AS WELL I CANT WAIT FOR PART 2

AAAH YOU GUYS !!! this made me so happy !!! thank you so much and I hope part two met your expectations and you enjoyed the ending MWAH!! 

HOLY FUCK THAT KYOUTANI FIC WHEW IT WAS SO SO GOOD IM SO EXCITED FOR PART 2

thank you for the food <33

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE LOVE AND SUPPORT BABY !!!

YOUR KYOTANI FIC AHHHHHHH my heart can’t handle this

I AM SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT BABY !!!

OW THE END ON BACK TO LIFE HURTED THOUGH GDFGHJDFHJRY

Was overwhelmed by the hurty that I forgot to say how much I ADORE your characterization of Kyoutani. fdjkhgjkgdr

THANK YOU SO MUCH !! honestly- that means the world to me, probably the best compliment you can give me :((

Back to life was so good OMG 😳😳 HELLO??? You're amazing

Thank you so much, my love! it honestly is everything to me when you guys tell me such sweet things I love you so much MWAH!!

the new fic did not help me with my insecurities now i’m just frustrated and insecure. great writing tho.

honestly- same. when I wrote this, I lit indulgent every bit of my mind working into this fic and thats why it means so much to me ?? so youre not alone, my love; but thank you so much <33

The way I panicked at the end of the fic thinking there wasn’t gonna be more to it, holy shi that fox was so good I almost cried thinking they were just gonna end things like that 🥺🥺🥺🥺

I’d NEVER end a fic like that- I hate bad endings and cannot stand cliffhangers but the formatting didn't give me another choice im sorry for the heart attack baby kfhflashsj but am glad you liked it!

@au-roraaa said: ZADE I WAS NEVER A KYO FUCKER BUT I THINK YOUVE CONVERTED ME HOLY FUCKSJFJSJDJSN

THIS IS MY JOB AT THIS POINT I WANT YOU ALL TO TURN INTO KYOU FUCKERS KSSSOH 

UR THE BEST WRITER WTF?? WHEN DO U THINK PART TWO WOULD BE UP... and does kyoutani flirt with sora 😣💔

YOU GUYS- NOOO- pls my heart made a loop :(( I love you so much :(( thank you baby and I think now you know what he does with sora MWAH

@kawakuto said: hi hi zade!🤩 (ajdjs idk if you remember me but i moved main blogs and I was @/gukooky before LOL) THE KYOUTANI FIC ANDJWNS I DIDNT EXPECT THE END WAHHHH🥺🥺 it was so well written omg I loved it!! (wtf kyoutani, you said we were going slow what if I wasn’t ready to call u my boyfriend wtffff😔😔 pain.)

AAAAH OFC I DO REMMEBER !! hope youre doing well baby !!! and thank you SO much for your sweet words, I honestly appreciate them so much :((<33

pls I’m in love with your writing. You write kyoutani so well so now I’ll always be grabbing at any crumbs you send my way 🥵

thank you so so so much baby!!!! these kinda words always hit me right at the heart, I appreciate them so much and I love you sm much

bb i love ur kyoutani fic sm :(( ur rlly so talented <33 i look forward to pt 2 ^3^

thank you so much baby, sending a smooch your way mwah 

zade that kyoutani piece im in so much pain why would u do this to me 💔💔💔💔

believe me when I say It hurt me even more than you </3

I just finished reading part 2 and it waS SO GOODAJSFHJLFG you did amazing!! (n˘v˘•)¬

THANK YOU SO MUCH BABY !!!

Hi! New nonnie coming through :) First time I'm writing something because I'm such a nervous wreck but I just had to

THE FIC WAS SO GOOD THE VIBES ARE CHEFS KISS. IT WAS SO GOOD I LITERALLY DROOLED I CAN NOT GET OVER IT !

Mister kyotani pls rail me thanks 🐱

THANK YOU AAAH YOURE SO CUTE !!! I truly appreciate this with my whole entire heart so thank you so much baby, hope you have a good one mwah

Wait did he do anything with Sora?

nope!! they just went to the party together but in my mind he didn’t even hug her and she didn’t try anything else, too, simply bc she knew how in love he is with reader!!

YOUR MINDDDDD!! THE KYOU FIC WAS SOOOO GOOOD!! Omg i hope you do a part 3 😭😭

i have a Little sequel which is really really soft but I'd love to write some more for it! 

@soranihimawari said: Part 1 & 2 with kyoutani was amazing as always Zade! I really liked the ending. This was such a fun read. I was wondering who’s else would be sharing the apartment with Kyoutani. What made you choose tattoo artist Iwa & Oikawa? Those two made me chuckle with the way they came in like that. Hope you have a great day/evening/late night/etc.

✌🏼&💜

—sora—

aaah thank you so so much, baby!! I truly appreciate your sweet words, youre the cutest! regarding your question: You shares an apartment with Iwa, Oikawa and Yahaba (who also works at the tattoo studio!) and i don't know to be really honest- I just like the thought of these three being really good friends so after contemplating whether or not to go with iwaoi or matsuhana, I ended up going with those two dorks! hope you have a good one baby mwah!!

@sakusapetals said: PLEASEE I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH

AAAH THANK YOU SO SO MUCH BABY !!! I LOVE YOU SM 

How long did it take you to write the entire two parts? Like wow that’s alot👁👄👁 i adore long fics though

oooh- hm ?? tbh i don't really know ?? I can’t remember ?? I think it took me about a month or like three weeks since I did write it all in one go yk? it was the only WIP I worked on during that time and it felt SO relieving to publish it! 

AAAHHH the kyou fic was a masterpiece bb!!! ❤️❤️

thank you so so so much baby!!<33

U LITERLALT WRIYE KYOU THE BEST ABSOLUTE BEST. he’s so aggressive and demanding but he still is willing to show someone special his vulnerability. I LOVE READING STUFF ABOUT HIM FROM U

AAAAH thank you so much- you guys have no idea how much these kinda comments mean to me- I love you so MUCH MWAH 

I just read the first part of "back to life" an it had me speechless so many times, almost cried at the end, it's honestly so well written. I'm off to read part two. Have a nice day 🐰

sdoalfsla thank you so much baby! I hope you enjoyed both parts equally as much and thank you for all the love mwah!!<3

Hana is a baddie

SHE IS!! she’s literally the baddest bitch to ever exist ft. saeko ofc but nobody acknowledges it </3

@tonhwa said: I’m in love with the way you write kyoutani pls. Even your previous fics on your old account ( if you don’t mind me mentioning it ) are so fucking amazing. GOSH YOU CHARACTERIZE HIM SO WELL AND THE PLOT IS ALWAYS SO JUICY AND INTERESTING I CANT HELP BUT GO BACK AND READ IT. and then you release this fucking wonderful piece and I feel like it’s my birthday even though it’s already passed LOL ty ily have a wonderful day I’m sobbing tears of happiness

YOU GUYS PLEASE- the fact this made me tear up when I first read it- thank you SO much honestly. knowing you guys enjoy my characterization of my favorite character is honestly everything to me so thank you sm I love you baby have a good one!!<3

I’ve been on this app from high school, and now I’m a college grad. I have to say I’ve never sent a message to anyone I’ve followed. But that tattoo artist! Kyou fic, part 1 and 2 are 😩💕 *chefs kiss* you are one of my favorite writers I’ve ever followed since joining this app. You NEVER disappoint!

-💕 a very satisfied reader

thank you so much baby!! aaah this is honestly so so sweet :(( thank you for taking the time out of your day to send me such a sweet thing, I appreciate it and you so much mwah!!

i gotta say babe THANK YOU FOR THE KYOTANI CONTENT!! muAAAAHH💞💞

NOO THANK YOU GUYS FOR GIVING IT SO MUCH LOVE MWAH!!!

i love kyoutani and he obvs deserves his dick sucked 🤧🤧 but i catch him posting up with other girls I DONT CARE THE SITUATION he gonna catch these hands for a real one 👊🏼👆🏼🤜🏼🥊🥊 kidding 😐😐😐 he’d body me

pls the way this had me chuckling like crazy bc same sajlskjpw he can get mad all he want but he better stay his pretty ass where he is- by my side  😌

[insporaelynn]

📲 raelynn && roman

WHEN: january 24-26th 

DESCRIPTION: just best friends talking and being obsessed with each other. rae confides in him about her ex drama.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: drug mention, probably sex mention.

@romanbeckett​

Roman

Hi love of my life. I miss your face. How’s it going??

raelynn

my baby

god, i miss you too. i'm doing okay, how're you tonight?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

it’s been an off day, not even gonna lie lol super sore and tired. I just wanna be back to normal already

raelynn

oh no

how's your scar healing up? the boys are taking care of you right??

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

it’s okay I guess bleh lol and not tonight. I’m all alone

raelynn

Where's Q? Is Aaron working?

Well I guess I should know that since I'm literally at work. Lmao.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Q is working on music. Aaron has des tonight

raelynn

ugh. i wanna lay with you and kiss ur face.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

are you busyyy? I can burn us some cookies

raelynn

i'm working but I'd love to see you after if you're still up.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

of yeah you just said you’re at work lmao fucking weed

yes please come by when you’re done

raelynn

LMAO I KNOW THE FEELING

absolutely, i'm yours.

u know niamh was trying to figure out who rue's date was and she was like "is it you" bc i mentioned that I have a dick appt with him tomorrow night.

and i was like. dude, no, for like, a thousand reasons. like, why would that ever be me???

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚n.

oh god, I’m so out of the loop with gossip lately, it’s sad. I didn’t even know he had a date lol

raelynn

it's apparently some big secret but he's having people help him dress up and asking about flowers and candy and niamh is like "bitch is it you" and i'm like. LMAO.

like is there anything about me that says flowers and candy

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

Hahahahahhahahahahaha HAHAHA

that really made me laugh too hard.

raelynn

like, i'm not the flowers girl, i'm the sneak out in the night girl, the middle of the afternoon girl, all those things, but flowers girl???? sdkfdskksd

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I’m 100p a flowers girl

raelynn

YOU ARE AND YOU'RE WORTH IT MY BABY

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

my parents are coming in to town this week. Gotta tell them I have two boyfriends haaaa. Pray for me

raelynn.

I feel like that should be the least shocking thing about you??? In a good way.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

yeah, I definitely keep them on their toes

raelynn

tell ur boyfriend that if he wants me to continue wearing body glitter he's going to have to pay me extra

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

omg but I love body glitter fyi

raelynn

I did an onlyfans video with Lilah earlier and I'm like 80% sure that I left glitter on her sheets. Like I'm a fucking unicorn.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

that makes me so happy I can’t even lie

I too wanna leave glitter everywhere

man I need to do only fans

raelynn

i would a thousand percent subscribe

both bc i'm a perv and also bc i'm a very supportive best friend.

we could get naked and do a body glitter photoshoot

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

and I love this about you

that sounds like a dream?? Wow

raelynn

would love nothing more than to apply body glitter to ur glorious tiddies.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

my tillies would appreciate it

Hahahaa it hurts to laughhhh

raelynn

SORRY SORRY I'M GOING TO BE VERY SERIOUS NOW

clears throat Um. The National Debt.

it is my understanding that there is. National Debt.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

hahahah I love you

raelynn

Blah blah, topics. Blah blah, smart people jargon, blah blah

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

god it’s so boring isn’t it

would so much rather talk about titties

raelynn

God same.

Like how yours are somehow bigger than mine.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I know, I need some sort of support at this point I think

raelynn

we could get you fitted for bras somewhere maybe that'd be fun

it'd look actually so hot

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

well I already wear lingerie in the bedroom. Might as well.

raelynn

you will be the absolute death of me, you're simply too gorgeous and too sweet to exist.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

stahhpppp you’re making me blushhhh. Right back atcha my babe

raelynn

is there anything you want me to bring you when i'm done here?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

just yourself. I’ve got good ass weed

raelynn

and for the millionth time, i realized, you are my soul mate.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

you’re mine, lovie.

raelynn

i wish i could've had appendix surgery instead of you

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

noooo don’t be silly lol I’m okay darling.

raelynn.

no i hate that you were in pain even for like a second i hate it so much!!

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

stop it, I love you. You cutie. Oh god okay I’m gonna make us cookies.

raelynn

Dont burn the house down my beautiful twin flame

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I always get cookie dough thinking I’ll do better next time. I still have that unearned confidence

raelynn.

Thats bc im always building you up and rightfully so

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

yes you do and I live for it. I also really love fresh cookies right out of the oven, I just want to make that happen

raelynn

I believe in you my little tropical starfish

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

raelynn

literally you

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

hehehehe ⭐️

raelynn

i don't think anybody's ever gonna love me more than you

and i think. i think maybe that's okay?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

that’s not true. You’re gonna find someone who is gonna blow you away

raelynn

yeah but even if i did, would I even be able to love them without being scared of them?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

yeah, I think so. I’ve had to overcome a lot of walls and fears myself that I never thought I could. The right person makes it easier.

raelynn

idk there are a lot of people i could've loved if i hadn't been so....this lmao

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I think it’ll just take some time!

raelynn

you have so much faith in me.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

of course I do. I think you can do anything.

raelynn

i'm not really sure.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

you don’t have to be cause I ammmmm

raelynn

and you're the smartest person in the world

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

in the whole world?? Damn. I’m not near as rich as I should be then.

raelynn

how about I stay over with you tonight and we get some breakfast in the morning? I did really good on tips tonight.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

okay!! I’d love that

raelynn

good 'cause i don't get to spend nearly as much time with you as i wanna

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I knowwww. We haven’t had a sleepover in so long

raelynn

you can cuddle up to me and i'll feed you cookies and kiss your hair

revolutionary. better than therapy.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Yes!!!!

raelynn

loml

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I finished the cookies baby and I didn’t burn them to a crisp

raelynn

you fucking legend

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I’m pretty damn proud of myself not gonna lieeeee

[...]

raelynn

extremely sad that i couldn't stay at breakfast with you all day

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

same

now I’m bored

raelynn

i swear after i left you my day went down the tubes.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

oh no I’m sorry

who do I need to fight

raelynn

well carson is back.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

oh god, tell me more

raelynn

idk why he's back but wes gave him my number bc i guess when i told him to lose it he took it to heart which like good i wanted him to

but anyway i screamed at him in the chat

everyone called me a hypocrite bc i told ivy to stop being a bitch in the chat awhile back. which tbh i didn't remember even doing, i just be saying shit.

like alex opened his fuckin mouth and i'm like what dog do you have in this fight

oh and DELILAH is moving in with carson bc he's "like her brother!!!" never mind the fact that he cheated on me bc i guess friendship doesn't mean much anymore

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

wow that’s...messy. Wtf lilah though seriously

raelynn.

So then Carson texts me bc wes gave him my number and that felt like being??? Pushed back in time against my will

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

that’s not cool

raelynn

So yeah a lot of crying today

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

*chick with knife emoji*

me rn

raelynn

Cute but lethal

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

*img attachment* 

and not at all high...

raelynn.

you're so hot jesus christ.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I love you.

raelynn.

love u more than life itself

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

*img attachment of a keychain that says PUSSY WAGON* 

this was recommended to me on Instagram and now I want it.

raelynn

LET'S GET THEM MATCHING.

EVEN THOUGH I DON'T HAVE A CAR

AND THEREFORE NO KEYS FOR SAID CAR

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

it would be perfect for my Volkswagen

raelynn.

omg and with me in it...it really WOULD be a pussy wagon......

big brain

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

hahahahah

raelynn

we should road trip soon

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I would love that so much honestly

raelynn

where should we go?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

Disney world!!

raelynn

will u propose to me there

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

wouldn’t that be romantic as heck

raelynn.

THE most romantic and also we'd maybe get free dessert

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I never turn down anything free.

raelynn

me neither. not the taylor family way

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

hahaha I love you.

raelynn.

we'll start planning a summer trip, just us.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

yay yay yay yay!

raelynn.

i'm gonna wear a tiara the whole time.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.BOT01/25/2021

with Mickey ears?

raelynn.BOT01/25/2021

of course, i'm not a monster.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

hahahaa

[...]

raelynn

I hate dudes.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

they’re a mess aren’t they lol

raelynn

Had a temporary lapse in sanity and agreed to meet Carson for coffee lol and he canceled like 15 mins before we were supposed to meet for a probably fake meeting lmao its so typical but I fell for it

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

babe I’m so sorry

raelynn

Like im just so tired

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

how can I make it better

raelynn.

I don't know honestly and I wish I did.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I love you.

raelynn

I love you.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

you’re my baby

raelynn

you're MY baby

[centralsaints]

writing tag game

tagged by @idolcandy​ to do this, honestly what a timing since i got back from a one year writing slumber recently 

AO3 name: centralsaints

Fandoms: according to my ao3 profile, i wrote for death note (1 published fic), hetalia (3 published fics) and my candy love (8 published fics). but all the fandoms i have written for that i have not posted there? oh boy. so there’s the arcana, voltron (wrote half of a fic back in 2017 and then never touched it again), wrote some kind of thing (?) while i read PJO for the first time, i have one black butler series that is uh. buried somewhere on ff.net (about the reaper’s death if i remember correctly. also was probably on crack in the summer of 2017 and wrote the plan of a modern au fic in whihc alois owned a tarantula). if we go back to high school i have written for naruto and also the rotbtd fandom. oh god i wrote A LOT for that crossover. still have some kind of fic planned (that i named the stay dead au) that i kinda want to write. i think that covers all of it? OH I FORGOT THE MOST ABSURD ONE: i have started writing a fic for Dramatical Murder recently. i got into that game in 2014, played it for the first time in 2017, then forgot it existed until a month ago

Tropes: FOUND FAMILY, friends to lovers, slice of life, unrequited love, bittersweet ending, character studies, working through mental health (?), i can’t think of other tropes i use? 

Number of fics: officially i have 6 finished one shots, one on going drabble collection, one abandonned fic (rip seen 2:18 am u will be missed), one semi-abandonned fic, and one finished fic on ao3. on the amour sucré forum i have an abandonned fic (rip again to seen), an on going fic called “12 things alexy hates” REALLY want to continue this one, one finished fic and a one shot collection. i dont know how many wips i have sitting in my google doc. 

Fic I spent the most time on: SEEN: 2:18 AM. i unfortunately have abandonned it by now, but on god i spent maybe from july 2017 to early 2018 entirely focused on planning that fic, and it still is the longest time i’ve spent having my attention on one project.

Fic I spent the least time on: this death note short (the only one on my ao3 lmao). i wrote it in under an hour at like 1 am because i couldn’t get the scene out of my head, the night before a deadline for one of my art history essay i was trying to finish 

Longest fic: for my published fic it’s the meme that is this group chat fic. but outside of that, it’s probably SEEN. the draft for it is 11 000 words and the doc is 33 pages long. maybe i’ll sort through it one day but my writing has changed a lot so its likely those 33 pages wont be published, rip again to this fic

Shortest fic:  fever dream, an armin/nathaniel fic i wrote while i was sick

Most hits/kudos/comment threads/bookmarks: it’s apparently the group chat fic  smh.

Total word count: 19 834 on AO3. absolutely no idea for all the wips sitting in my drive.

Favorite fic I wrote:  definitely the drabble series about the twins “the things that follows”. i wrote most of these while i was in therapy, and untangling some stuff about myself, in spring 2018. i was in a pretty good place i think at that time, and that’s why i still love this series a lot.

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: i’m contemplating continuing the group chat fic, and maybe one day if i find the energy to comb through and rewrite SEEN, i’d really like for that to happen. there’s also a short drabble about armin getting stuck in a time loop i posted on my tumblr that i want to expand onto a full fic (which the working title rn is “purgatorio”)

Share a bit of a WIP or a story idea you’re planning on: my current and most recent wips include; the dmmd fic series, a series of mcl OS inspired by the magnus archive universe and the slow building of a UL rewrite with my OC charlie the national fuck up. so here’s some of those;

Sei does not know for how long he has been cut off from his own mind and stuck in his body, unable to go away like he used to do so when the world was too harsh and too real for him, but also unable to completely shut off his mind, like he had wanted. An unknown amount of time passes; he feels himself trying to reach for the outside, for the bits of himself outside of his mind and it seems like there is nothing outside.

from the dmmd sei centric fic, because he deserves to l i v e. working title for this series is the long way home

I will say one thing before I begin this, and it’s the same thing I told the police and the lawyers: it was justified. It was necessary. It might have been a murder, but it sure was not a crime. You have to understand that have taken to hunting monsters for a living. And that man was in fact, a monster. 

from nathaniel’s statement, in the mcl x tma series.

They weren’t a couple, that was something very clear between them, and one of the first thing Charlie had said after the first time they’d slept together. Still, it felt oddly domestic for Nathaniel to see Charlie come out of his bathroom, bare faced with her hair still wet with only a t-shirt that was clearly too old and too big for her. 

from a scene in my UL rewrite/fic/AU.

thank you for the tag!! i tag @marycecilyy and anyone who wants to do this tbh, i don’t uh. really know a lot of writers.

[mejomonster]

Genuinely losing my mind over this 朋友/男朋友 conversation yulan is having with his dad. His dad is like "dont get close to this dangerous man" and yulan is straight up "BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM" is this show good? No. Is it one of the most enjoyable things I've ever watched? Absolutely.

YES

Guardian is literally one of my favorite things I’ve watched ayyyy I need to rewatch soon

LOL ToT Dad: don’t date him I don’t approve he’s DANGEROUS get away from him boy!

Yunlan: I don’t care I LOVE him and u hating him is just icing on the damn Cake tbh (although I Am pissed you two knew each other and no one told me...)

A little fun fact about the novel version (which generally plot-wise is more solid since the supernatural elements and relationship weren’t censored). I’ve only read chaps 1-10 in English, then at some point I read a later chapter like 60 and translated it for myself. I am fairly sure the dad is dead in the novel - but his legacy as horrible father and dick is still pretty clear. So this scene of them in the drama is unique to the drama - and honestly pretty in character for the both of them. It makes for good watching in the drama, especially how Shen Wei ties in by knowing Yunlans dad.

In the book, instead, zhao yunlan comes out to his mom. That’s the scene I translated (she’s alive in the book). I actually like the switch of who’s alive/dead in novel, since it allows zhao Yunlan’s parental conflicts to be externally apparent versus the books where a fair portion is his internal dialogue (and all the same damaged issues because of his dad).

In the novel, his mom acknowledges he used to date men and women, and that his dad would have never accepted it. And she reacts complexly as one does. But at the end she’s like “you like that handsome sweet Shen Wei? He likes you??? Does he need his glasses checked?” It’s so funny. they’re preparing to have dinner and I think have Shen Wei over and she’s roasting her son like ‘lol honey I think that professor is too put together 2 like u baby, what did u do to get him to fall for you?’ it’s very warm-hearted and sweet.

In part I actually like how the drama is different enough, that the two feel like distinct stories (the drama feels like an in character alternate universe sort of). And in one of the novel extras, the drama universe is actually put IN as a canon au Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan get trapped into a loop up temporarily. Until they get back out, and back to their actual book lives. So I think it’s cool how the author “fixed” any potential weaknesses of the drama by making it a sub-au canon of the more coherent, not censored, quite happy ending book.

But yeah the drama gives more of how weird it must be that the Envoy used to work with Yunlan’s sad as the SID Chief, and also knew him, and is now dating Yunlan.

[hopeforinsanity]

The question in increments of five

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?@bonelessmango obv…. although she’d probably be drunker lmao

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?i have deep convos all the time tbh i dont even know 

15. What good thing happened this summer?gettin my shit together. promotion at work, applying back to school workin on being a better bf 

20. Do you like your neighbors?i live in the hood so…. WHO?

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?probably my legs or chest lol. im just so skinny

30. Do you ever want to get married?absolutely

 35. Would you rather live without TV or music? hmmmm good question prob tv… although some shows have amazing soundtracks so is that like a loop hole

40. What do you want to do after high school?well finished that a long time ago. i just want to have a good career and a house with @bonelessmango with our two dogs. 

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?my ambition to be the best me i can be for her

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?hmmmm grey i think 

55. Favourite blog?probably @bijili-ki-rani i can literally reblog everything on her blog with no remorse 

60. Ever won a competition? For what?intramural flag football in hs, got a trophy n all that lmao

 65. Are you hungry right now? i can literally always eat… ALWAYS

70. Names of your bestfriends? @bonelessmango , @clement-plagues @draftingsarah , @loveisjusta-dialogue

75. Favourite animal?wolf or orca�� both are so smart 

80. What colour pants?ummm black or blue or grey 

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?you know you dont even go here 

90. Name a person you love? bae, yani, sadah 

95. Last movie you watched?star trek beyond 

100. How are you feeling?pretty good a couple of setbacks recently but overall made a lot of progress and am fully focused on following my dreams 

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?nope you thought 

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?oooooo yeah…. thats no fun at all

115. Do you play the Wii?not anymore but i do got this switch, come see me

120. Are you afraid of the dark?sometimes… other times im in love with it 

125. Do you believe in true love?i think i do 

130. Do you like subway?its ok, ill pass though

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?im not a virgin 

140. Summer or Winter?winterrrrrrrrr, if you bout that summer life n sweat i dont know what to tell you 

145. Tea or Coffee?tea all day 

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “‘YES’ said the one minute manager” lmaoo its a leadership book i got from my boss 

thanks for askin…. dont mind more at all

[sheepybugs]

every other even for the ask meme !

 Thanks so much for asking!!! I saved this one for last to make sure I didnt repeat any

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

She’s my absolute best friend girl friend and I love her so much

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

Not really no! I’ve never really tried to go after someone, I always wait until I develop feelings for them and I also wouldnt say that like being myself was messing anything up!

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

I dont have any actual sisters but the last time I saw my step sisters was Christmas because one lives in Spain and the other lives in Atlanta

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

My life has changed a ton for the better in the last 5 months so nothing major! But I’m sure there’s something I’m not thinking of like buying a winning lotto ticket or something 

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

I just took off my pajama pants because it’s 85 degrees inside right now

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

Labels are complicated and hard to figure out but she’s not straight for sure

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

Already answered!

30. Do you like text messaging?

Yeah!! It’s a super convenient way to talk to people!

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

There are so many people that mean a lot to me 

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

Always!! Even when playing monopoly and my gf has to sell all her houses to pay for my hotel

42. What is wrong with you right now?

Right now I’m feeling pretty great actually! A lil sleepy but the worst part is I’m super sweaty and hot rn because I still dont have any ac, thankfully that’s going to be fixed tomorrow after two months of waiting

46. Are you in a good mood right now?

Absolutely!! I love talking about myself!

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

Not really no, no one I can think of at least!

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

I dont really like being around drunk people but she’s the only drunk person that’s bearable to be around tbh, so I dont mind as long as she’s safe of course!!

58. Do you get along with girls?

Already answered!

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

Well if this one that’s been going on for 2 years and 7 months means anything I’d say so

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

19! (I’ve actually only kissed one person before)

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    

I’ve never heard of Luke Bryan in my life and I dont really like Lil Wayne, fun story though, one of my old friends was a die hard lil wayne fan and he spent like 3 hours telling me the overarching story of all of his albums and the inconsistencies in them

74. What color are the walls in your room?    

They’re like an off white, almost yellowish tinted?

78. What are your initials?    

CJH

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    

Absolutely! I just talked to her roughly 10 seconds ago to ask what color she thought the walls were

86. Do you smoke?    

Never have and never really want to!

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    

Kind of? One time I said I was going to go spend the night at a friend’s house but I actually drove 3 hours to go visit my gf if that counts

94. Are you single or in a relationship?    

I am happily dating @goruma !!

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    

Kind of? Nothing physical though and it was very uncomfortable and weird

102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

Oh man seriously every Kesha song is so good though??? The first one that comes to mind though is Blow so lets go with that, also another fun story, when I was 17 I downloaded the entire Kesha discography and would listen to it all on loop while playing minecraft single player

[survivormyanmar-blog]

Ep. #2 - “Yeah Sure, I’ll Vote With You, Strange Lady” - Brett

After voting off Caroline, Maranda returned to camp pretty upset; accusing the other tribemates of lying to her.  The second immunity challenge was announced and it was a somewhat confusing version of Rock Paper Scissors.  The Fans put a lot of thought into how to prepare for the challenge and submitted a strategically thought out list.  The favorites did random.org and ended up winning.  All of the favorites got to go to The Cave )except Christian chose not to) and Amanda ended up finding a challenge advantage that had to be used pre-merge.  At Tribal Council, it was a unanimous vote to take out Maranda as the other fans were worried about the possibility of her flipping at a tribe swap.

Best way to turn a voting bloc into an alliance is by 1) pulling off a blindside and 2) just saying the word alliance. When you say alliance and say I like you guys it’s hard to say no. The best way to keep it going is to make sure each and everyone of them is comfortable with me. I don’t know or care if they like each other but they need to not turn on me. Last thing I need to do is pass over leadership to someone like Brett or Adrian. I can’t be the voice of the alliance because that’s who they soon turn on.

IM BAAAAAAAAAAAACK YAAAAAAAY https://secure.static.tumblr.com/d70e452b5eb08e05fcd0fda9b654cbb9/zt9ruhl/yotoad3b7/tumblr_static_tumblr_static__640.jpg I’m doing this again, I hope i dont hate myself and regret it later. So lets get started with the confessional shit woo! So me and Steffen started talking immediately cause we’re friends we’re good but ive played with him before and im not stupid ive seen him play so i know i gotta watch. https://media.giphy.com/media/VTksCTQMHrody/giphy.gif Not miss me already having an alliance forming. I’m trash. Lmfaoooo So during Maldives me and Gaston would talk so much on our original tribe but we never solidified anything and literally right when we both were gonna try to work together we got swapped to opposite tribes and then I got voted out right before merge so we never got to align and i remember the night after the season ended i was talking to the hosts and telling them about how much i wanted to work with him and how if i got to merge i was gonna trying and work with him and they were like flipping out because they said if the two of us worked together it would have changed to game completely and that gives me confidence that us working together is a good idea. SO THAT BEING SAID, Gaston and I talked a bunch today and he wants us and Richie to make a Maldives alliance. I’m down tbh, people are probably gonna assume it’s a thing since there’s 3 of us so we might as well make the most of it. So stayed tuned for a chat of that coming soon! https://media.giphy.com/media/cbVCKn5SwfwwU/giphy.gif AT THE SAME TIME THOUGH I KNOW HOW SMART THEY BOTH ARE SO I HAVE TO WATCH THEM TOO https://67.media.tumblr.com/401449fbc05ae1dd4335d410ff964f4b/tumblr_mzcqkp8SDh1s8n9o2o1_500.gif ALSO MY FAVE BITCH LEAH IS ON THE OTHER TRIBE. BLESS OWEN AND TREVORS HEARTS FOR THINKING IT’D BE SMART TO PUT US IN THE SAME GAME HAHAHAHA I’m so proud of her for surviving her first tribal!!! She’s literally one of my favorite people in the world and I’d be so excited to get to a tribe swap or merge with her. If we get there together you better be ready for some good tv! http://67.media.tumblr.com/623e0414a2f59564d202f4e5a6484d97/tumblr_n4pu1kDbnL1tv3r8go1_400.gif http://66.media.tumblr.com/fa304474a1b1383500e2308b0032a28f/tumblr_n4pu1kDbnL1tv3r8go3_r1_400.gif ANYWAYSSSS i’m gonna record a video talking about the cast this week so get excited. I’m really excited to be back so I hope this season goes better than the last one.

Mata at their tribal last night: https://media.giphy.com/media/10FXOtXjvWu0Ja/giphy.gif

Tribal went perfect as Caroline is gone like I wanted. Now I have to get Maranda back on my side. She’s not mad at me but 4 people who lied to her all day. She knew who I was leaning towards voting so I think we can work off that. If we win immunity that is. If we loose I think she can easily become next target.

Okay, so on the subject of alliances. It’s still super early in the game and I want to be significantly less Crackdt than I was in my last game, but I also want to make sure this ass is safe in case we lose this challenge. I think the biggest mistake I could make at this point would be waiting until we lose to make an alliance, since that alliance would almost 100% be based on scrambling and paranoia instead of actual relationships.  So, since  I’ve been talking game with Steffen and Tommy, both of whom I really genuinely like, I think I’m gonna try to play with them, making an alliance with Tommy (and ideally Ashley and Ting Ting for a solid four, who we both like but aren’t that threatening) and keep Steffen and Sam in the loop for votes. Lowkey, I wouldn’t mind if we lost, just so I could figure out where the lines are for future reference. Ugh.

So, after that rather interesting tribal, the voting block of Nehe, Krysten, Adrian, Brett and myself that orchestrated the Caroline vote off formed “The Official Five”. It’s honestly a stupid name for an alliance but at least it’s the majority alliance on our tribe. However, within that alliance, Brett and myself are a tight pair, and have been since the beginning. And no one knows that. We plan to keep it that way. We’re in a bit of a power position, unbeknownst to everyone else. If we play our cards right we could easily maneuver ourselves very far in this game.

Day 3 (or last night) I’m learning as the days pass who I think I can trust and how conditional that trust is. There’s so many different layers of trust. Do I trust you to work in tandem with me? Do I trust you to not go after me? Can I trust you to speak when you should and to shut up when you absolutely should. The alliance of Day 2’s challenge participants (ADRIAN, KEEGAN, KRYSTEN, NEHE, and me) is strong, but each member has their strengths and weaknesses. The same goes for the outer periphery that thinks they are fine even though I believe they are in the bottom half (CARLOS, LEAH, LINUS). And as for MARANDA? I understand that my goose is cooked when it comes to the prospect of potentially working with her. So within the core alliance, KEEGAN and KRYSTEN are the two I trust the most because they’ve done astoundingly well at keeping their mouths shut. My loyalty is the most firm with them. Very very slightly behind is ADRIAN–he has an incredible heart, but he absentmindedly slipped to CAROLINE that there was “another side” to the tribe forming against her. Not smart. Of course, CAROLINE starts spinning out and I have to calm her down for the better of the tribe. It might be to my own detriment because I’m sure CAROLINE And MARANDA feel the most betrayed by me as we just blindsided CAROLINE 8-2. MARANDA has already expressed her sadness at my betrayal. I attempted to sidestep by telling her I thought she was in on it to because of how obviously crazy, intense, and paranoid CAROLINE is and I definitely think she’s not buying it. Should we go to the next tribal council, I’m expecting a vote from her. When dealing with these same ladies, NEHE was approached and he doesn’t have the wherewithal to just lie to CAROLINE and say “yeah sure, I’ll vote with you, strange lady,” and that set off a number of red flags with CAROLINE and MARANDA. So I really just need both ADRIAN and NEHE to be careful with how they deal with people. I can trust both of them when it comes to my life in this game, but they both have loose lips. And speaking of loose lips, hi CARLOS! Oh my God. I really like CARLOS and I know CARLOS really likes me, but in what world is it okay to say at a public tribal council that I am the tribe leader?! I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw that. So I think our personalities jive, but I am not certain he’s playing our partnership (however loose it is) smartly. Now a target is on my back and I’m not excited about that. I don’t have much to say about LINUS other than that he’s sweet. LEAH concerns me. I would almost want to get LEAH out before MARANDA because she’s transparently playing really dumb when she obviously knows more than she lets on. It’s painfully obvious. She told me I’m the only person she’s talked to, really. I know that’s definitely not true. She’s active and she’s a host of a Big Brother game (they’re not all that different from Survivor). You have to talk to everyone and I’m sure she’s putting face time in with plenty of people. I’ve got my eye on her and I’m worried she has friends on the other side, too. I missed tribal council from doing a live show with former Survivor alumni Corinne and I was shocked that a challenge had already started while I was in the show! I wasn’t able to participate (so ironic given how my alliance formed), so hopefully no one gives me shit over it. I really hope we win this challenge so we can tie it up with the favorites and see one of them get eliminated. Until next time.

aye. we won again! and we all get to party it out in the cave! woot woot! gr9

After Immunity: Another loss…. fuck this. It’s beginning to feel like Ulong. And it’s just gonna elicit more negative feedback and negative emotions…… just great.

I am so happy that we won our second immunity in a row. Not having to go to tribal has really helped all of us settle in and start to connect with each other. I really like Jay, we totally connect and she gets me. Ting Ting is another person I like as well, she is super sweet and hilarious. I am in love with Tommy tbh. His snapchats keep me alive and we honestly just click…. So hopefully some alliances can come out of these connections soon and we can really start playing, just hope we don’t lose the next challenge.

Second immunity loss in a row. I’m trying to keep calm but our ship is starting to sink. The only bit of light in this situation is the Official Five alliance. We have the power to vote out whoever, so I’m not worried about going home at this tribal. We have a difficult decision to make. Do we get rid of Carlos, who doesn’t give off good vibes, or do we axe Maranda, who is feeling betrayed and alone after the Caroline vote? If there’s a tribe swap, voting off the wrong person could doom all us fans.

At this stage I’m only in my host chat and tribe chat. I’ve spoken to some people 1 on 1 but nothing really interesting has transpired. I’ve yet to have that moment where my interest is sparked and I begin to invest myself in the season. I’m trying not to be too worried about that though. In Maldives I had no social/strategic game until I hit the merge and then the dynamic was interesting enough that I started to play. I just have to hope we keep winning because I think I could easily be a first boot on our tribe for my lack of socialising. I forced myself to start a tribe call. I am not having a good time.

Well, round 2 happened and yet again my team did the whole challenge before I even got on which leads me to question why they think a 24 hour challenge has to be done asap. On that note I’m actually lowkey hating my tribe. The majority of them have made it abundantly clear that Im very low on the totem poll, and even those I’ve tried to basically say “LOOK, TELL ME HOW TO VOTE IM AN EXTRA VOTE FOR YOU” aren’t responding very positively (Obviously I say it with more tact then that :P ). I’ve never been one to flip, team togetherness has always been my number 1 most important thing in survivor. Maybe its because in the past 2 games Ive been in I’ve given everything for my alliance just for them to take me out, but Im almost wanted to just jump on my tribe the second I get the chance. It’s not in me to be a liar, and I do still firmly believe that although deception can get you short term power, whilst honesty can get you far, but maybe this time I have to just be careful with who I give that honesty to. Right now the vote sounds like it’s on Miranda, so yay I guess. I heard Carlos’s name was also discussed so woohoo, I guess that can maybe buy me two rounds.  I just don’t get it, you can tell these people are new because they aren’t thinking ahead though. I have it on good authority that it is indeed Miranda, so like, why not pretend to include me and make me feel safe to use as a number later. This is one of the most amateur mistakes in the world and I honestly don’t like it much at all. As for alliances, Adrian/Drew is the the person feeding me all the info right now. We know each other from the facebook community, and even are co hosting a game there so I guess we bonded off that (Even though I know in games in the past we’ve been against each other so it’s surprising me that he was wanting to work with me so much xD). Right now he’s the one person I would use an idol for if I had one, and he is kind of my savoir in the game. If I am to think about flipping I will definitely talk the idea through with him first. I’ve also been trying my damndest to get in with Brett, and man, he knows what he’s doing. Brett is great at the game, and he is the one other person not acting like Im totally on the outs, even though Im well aware that he knows Im not in a power position. I’m really trying to push to him that I want to work with him because if the way he comes off to me is the same for other people, I have a feeling he could be the unofficial leader of the majority. So right now my main strat is the Brett ass kiss maneuver xD.

First confessional of the season and I have to say….I. Don’t. Connect. With. Any. Of. These. People. I love Ashley to death so obviously I know I always have her to talk to, and she felt the same way when the first tribe call happened a few days ago. I went on. Awkward silence. No one was talking. And then I left. Why are you guys so boring. I’m not used to that on calls. But then I’m friends with steffen, and I really like jay a lot. But everyone else so far…..GTG real fast. I’m busy with another game that’s taking up my time right now, so I try to be as active as possible on my tribe. The first immunity challenge I was M.I.A. So that’s why I was so active and gave my input in the second immunity in case we lost and had to go to tribal. I talk more one on one with a few people, which I think helps me out for now. I suck in challenges so I have to rely on my social game. I don’t really have any strategies in mind right now. I’m just going to lay low, and once merge happens or the first tribe swap I’ll start playing more. At least I wasn’t first boot. So that’s one thing crossed off my list. I think our tribe is really good comp wise, even though second immunity was more luck based in a way. I think I just miss all my best friends in the big brother community!!! :( I’m so lonely. I wish Julia had been casted, because I at least would have had her. Oh well. I’ll be fine.

okay this game is so crackedt. I WANNA PLAY like people are still sending my pleasantries. PLAY WITH ME. like i don’t wanna wait until we lose to have to play survivor. That’s not how you play survivor. This lack of game talk can only make me think that others are constantly plotting against me–but I actually don’t think that’s the case. Jay and I were talking and she goes “oooh what if it’s a sudden double tribal” like I would actually shit a brick.

ok so i got a flashlight from the cave so now I can tell ghost stories around the fire at camp

So, I went to the cave. It was dark as fuck and I’m tired from all that climbing, but at least I got a little tea. No idol or advantage or anything, but at least some knowledge and some bonding. Tommy and I are gonna search together (not sure yet how honest I’ll be with him about my searching) and I know for a fact that at least two people on the tribe have gotten something from the cave because a) Sam told me he has a ~flashlight, which may come in handy later~ and b) the spot I went to looked like something had once be there, but nothing was there now. So now I’m nervous, obviously. Sam is a huge long-term threat and knowing he has an advantage makes me very nervous. And if Richie or Gaston got an idol or advantage, it’s definitely dangerous as my alliance is eyeing them for first boot on our tribe. Trevor says we should stay up late tonight after tribal, so I’m just praying it’s something unexpected and not the tribe swap we’re all starting to anticipate.

The as yet unnamed Ting Ting-Ashley-Tommy-Jay alliance is a go. I’m so hype.

So “operation be Brett’s bitch until a better oppertunity arrives” was a success I think. I asked him about working together and he agreed and even wanted to pull more people in, so hey, if that does work maybe I’m not as in the outs as I thought I was! Right now the people we are discussing to bring in are Keegan (who may claim to be a guy, but has a girls name and Mari is his profile pic, so I got my eye on him/her >:( ), Drew and Kristen because she and Brett who both love running. Don’t ask me how a common interest in moving your legs at fast speeds constitutes a grounds for working together, but if it gets us 5 then I ain’t complaining and I’ll just let those jocks do jock things.

Did you know that studies show people who enjoy long showers and baths tend to be the loneliest? So next time your in the shower for more then 10 minutes keep in mind that it’s probably because the waters heat is a subconscious replacement for human contact!

We’re safe again we’re safe again WOO WOO WOOOOO hahaha so we won immunity again. We literally random.org-ed the list and then i said to swap me and Christian and we sent it and we won so that was super cute. http://68.media.tumblr.com/6351a345904ecad9853f857eb9c0f52e/tumblr_ohjo3qEWMB1vaedr6o1_400.gif I should probably talk about the cave huh? Well i’ve been there twice now. The first time I found a flashlight but i have NO IDEA what it does yet hopefully it will be helpful later. Maybe it’ll help me search for an idol in the cave or something? who knows. Then I just went back a second time and I found an advantage for a challenge pre-merge YAAAAS i’m so happy it can come in handy so so much. http://68.media.tumblr.com/04808dd803fb9f6e43b1d6e5ac91780d/tumblr_oag5pixF561vaedr6o1_400.gif I don’t wanna get comfortable because thats when shit hits the fan but I really hope we keep up this immunity winning streak. I don’t wanna go to tribal any time soon.

OMG so much has happened recently! I think I’m in an alright position for the time being. I’m part of a 4 person alliance called “The Golden Girls” formed of Myself, Jay, Ashley, and Ting Ting. I feel as if Jay is running the show because she’s the one who is being really lowkey about everything, making shifts in the sand and has all this previous tea on everyone because she knows so many people. (That’s part of my problem, because I haven’t played since 2 years ago so I barely have any previous tea on anyone!) So I definitely think she’s playing the “mastermind” role, I’m gonna keep letting her do that. Eventually it’s going to come out that she’s a snake and it’ll be her time to go if she keeps playing this way. My plans are to continue building good social relationships with everyone on the tribe and just chill out a bit. This way later down the road I will have more options as to what I want to do in the game and maybe not have as much of a target as all these people who are coming across really intimidating. NOT THAT I DON’T LIKE THEM, BECAUSE I LIKE THEM IT’S JUST THEY ARE PLAYING REAL HARD. I mean playing hard is good but I don’t know if playing hard right now when it’s only Final 19 about to be Final 18 is such a good idea. Also Ting Ting is my #1 ally as of right now just because I feel she isn’t as intense as everyone else but she still wants to play the game, like me. I feel that we are probably the most trusting to each other which will benefit us both when it comes to staying in the game and getting information. Lastly, I think there’s gonna be a tribe swap tonight and I don’t know if this is good or bad for my game, but it’s almost the same as starting over. If there is a swap, I hope I don’t get screwed over. Cheers to Final 18.  

This round has been fairly easy.  We formed an alliance, The Official Five, and all worked really well together in the challenge.  We lost, but have decided as a group our next vote.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXMVh_McwU0