#tbh i don’t even know whether to feel rejected or something

[odi-et-amo85]

Oof, I just got friendzoned by my crush. Guess I’ll go back to crushing on my Tumblr moots! 🥲 Please send comfort. 😿 TMI under the cut. ⬇️

He said he “didn’t have space in his life for dating right now. 😪 Which makes sense: he just got out of a hectic breakup (and still need to help his ex with some mental health related stuff). So I didn’t really expect anything, not really. Even though we were supposed to meet for dinner next Friday. (And idk, that kind of felt like “a thing” to me. 🧐 Apparently my lack of dating experience is showing. 😔) But I kind of liked the guy and I thought we had chemistry… 😕 He is that “too good for this world” type of person. (The one that will just be interested and sweet and caring to you no matter what.) Which made me really confused about his intentions… 🙃 But you know: I put my “brave girl pants” on and asked him what the idea behind the dinner ehh “appointment” (can’t really call it a “date” anymore can I? 🥲) was. And then he said “just meeting up as good friends.” 💔

[m1ckeyb3rry]

I LEAVE YOU

Synopsis: “Mispronounced words. He had mispronounced one of the simplest words in the English language, and it had led to all of this.” (Also know as Inumaki Toge Tries To Tell You He Loves You, But It All Goes Terribly Wrong)

JJK Masterlist

Pairing: Inumaki x Reader

Chapter Word Count: 5.3k

Content Warnings: crack fic, secondhand embarrassment, miscommunication, mentions of sex toys/fetishes (non-explicit), megumi deserves damage pay, probably not lore-compliant, not at all to be taken seriously, characters are probably ooc tbh

A/N: i posted this literally two years ago on ao3 and it just occurred to me to put it on here LMAOAO anyways i obv wrote this a long time ago and it’s the most unserious ridiculous thing ever so please don’t judge me based on this fluffy goofy silly cracky nonsense i promise I’m better now!!

divider credits: @/benkeibear

The first emotion that spiked through you when you heard that the second years were back from their mission was relief. None of them were dead; anything else, you could deal with.

You had rushed to the infirmary, ignoring Nobara’s snickers. She alone knew who you was sprinting to see — your feelings for a certainupperclassman were highly secret, of course, but somehow she had found out, and of course she had, because she was Kugisaki Nobara, and nothing could really be kept secret from her for very long.

She had been urging you to do something, to make a move, citing that it “wasn’t like he had a lot of girls interested in him, anyways,” but you had always been too shy. You weren’t sure that you could handle a rejection, and it was hard to tell whether he was interested in you or just polite.

But your fear did not stop you from skidding to a stop in front of Shoko, giving her a wide-eyed stare, patiently waiting for her to tell you what was wrong with your friends.

“Did you need something?” she said. Obviously, her cursed technique had nothing to do with reading minds, but you still scowled at her for not knowing what you were thinking.

“The second years. Are…are they alright?” you said. She frowned, and this was your first clue that there was something less than alright going on with the trio.

“Well, they’re not permanently hurt, no,” she said. You sighed in relief — this was more than you could’ve hoped for. The curse that they had been sent to fight was obviously a strong one, and more than that, it was wily, with a rumored arsenal of techniques far beyond what you could even comprehend.

“That’s good,” you said.

“It is. They’ll all make a full recovery; Maki and Panda were barely impacted, anyways,” she said. Your blood ran cold at the name she didn’t mention.

“And Inumaki?” you said. If something had happened to him…you weren’t sure what you’d do. Probably cry. A lot.

“He’s fine, just a bit shocked. See, the curse managed to take his cursed energy from him, so until that’s been replenished, he’s just a normal person,” she said.

“Huh?” you said. “What does that mean?”

“Why don’t you just ask him yourself?” she said, ushering you into the infirmary, “I know that’s why you’re really here.”

Maki and Panda were nowhere to be found, and Shoko groaned, muttering about irresponsible children and telling you she’d be back with her patients in tow once more. This left you alone in the room with Inumaki Toge — at once your biggest dream and greatest fear.

You did not speak for the first few moments, far too nervous to open your mouth. He was buried in a mountain of pillows and blankets, soft blond hair falling in his violet eyes as he flipped through the pages of a book. His zipped up collar was nowhere to be seen; he only wore a plain white t-shirt, leaving his snake-fang seals visible. You had always thought they were pretty, so then your nerves were overtaken by infatuation with the elegant markings. The end result was the same: when Inumaki looked up, it was to you awkwardly standing in the room and watching him read.

“Hello,” he said. This made you pause and think.

“Hi?” you said.

“How are you doing?” he said. Now you really were confused.

“Not that I’m complaining, but can’t you…not speak?” you said. He set his book on his nightstand and sat up with a heavy sigh.

“Normally, I can’t. But as of right now, I can. That’s the effect of that curse we fought. I have the most cursed energy out of the three of us second years, so it drained mine, which means I’m unable to use my technique until my energy’s built up again. Shoko estimates it’ll be about a week,” he said.

“Oh!” you said. So Inumaki had one week of talking normally before he would be back to his usual limited speech. You wondered what he would think to say.

You had met Inumaki on your first day at Jujutsu Tech. He had helped you find your dorm room and then, via text, warned you about Gojo’s antics. Your crush had been born the very same day. He was so beautiful and kind that it was almost a no-brainer, really; though he could only speak in rice ball components, you didn’t even care. You found solace in swooning at him from afar, and every conversation you had ever had with him since then was filed away in a special corner of your mind, played on repeat whenever you were bored.

Nobara thought you were crazy when she found out, asking you if you had an ingredients fetish and then teasing you for a solid day by moaning tuna in your ear whenever she saw you. She only stopped because you started crying and begged Fushiguro’s Divine Dogs to chase her away if she got too close. The dogs were friendly enough and obliged, though you had had to buy Fushiguro several bags of candy for his troubles.

You could hear her voice in your ear right now as you stared at Inumaki, though it was thankfully not her moaning ingredients but rather her insisting that you say something. It was so easy; now, at least, he could reject you properly, with words instead of helpless frustration and a long-winded text about how you were nice, really, but he just thought of you as an annoying friend who didn’t leave him alone, and anyways, why would he ever like you?

“Can I tell you something?” he said before you could ask to do the same. Privately, you were relieved at this, for it meant you could procrastinate your confession a little further.

“What’s up?” you said, a small, childish hope arising in you that maybe, just maybe, this was it. Maybe he’d confess first, and then things would be very simple indeed. You allowed yourself to feel excitement building at this prospect.

“I…oh, man, how do I do this?” he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, a flush rising over his pale cheeks. “Ah, shit, I’ve spent my whole life wishing I could speak and having so many things to say but not the words to say them, and now that I finally can talk, I just don’t even know what to say.”

“It’s alright. You can take your time, I don’t mind,” you said politely. And you didn’t mind — whatever he had to say, you would wait around for years if you needed to in order to hear it. He ran a hand through his hair.

“I’ll just come out with it, then!” he said, nodding determinedly before locking eyes with you, “I leave you.”

It suddenly felt like you were underwater, ears ringing. Your throat choked, and pathetic, childish tears blurred your vision. He was leaving. Inumaki, for whatever reason, was leaving. And not only was he leaving, he was leaving you in specific.

“R-really?” you said, forcing a smile, though you knew it was awfully unconvincing. “Did I do something wrong?”

“What?” He seemed embarrassed, now, averting his eyes, “No, why would you think that?”

“Well, you just said…” you trailed off helplessly.

“Oh. I thought you would be happy,” he said, his voice quiet, small, ashamed. He looked almost brokenhearted, though why he would be feeling hurt about this development, you could not be sure. He was the one making the choice to leave; you were the one fated to stay behind.

“Why would I be happy about that?” you said. He was dejected when he spoke next.

“Never mind. I don’t…I don’t know what I was thinking,” he said.

“I’ll still support you,” you said, steeling yourself to flash him a watery smile, “I hope we can still be friends.”

“Yes! Yes, please, please, I know I messed up by telling you this, but I don’t want us to stop being friends,” he said.

“I’m glad you told me, though. I’d rather not be left in the dark. Have you told anyone else yet?” you said.

“No, though I’m sure Panda suspects it,” he said before shifting uncomfortably to pull his blankets up and hide his face, “Can you, um, go? I want some time alone.”

“Right,” you said, “I’m glad you’re not hurt permanently.”

As you left, you thought you heard sniffles coming from the lump under the blanket, but if he really was crying, he gave you no other indication of it. You thought of lingering, of comforting him and asking him to comfort you, demanding he tell you the reason for his departure, but it was not your place. So, biting the inside of your cheek to hold your tears back, you marched towards Nobara’s dorm.

“He told you he’s leaving you?” she said, ten minutes later once you had explained to her the entire story. “How odd. And he hasn’t told anyone he’s transferring yet? Not even Gojo or Principal Yaga?”

“No,” you said, finding solace in her warm embrace, the scent of roses that wafted off of her skin, “I just don’t understand why he’s going.”

“It’s so strange. I mean, I really thought he liked you! Although, maybe he does. Think about it, you’re the first person he’s told, so clearly he trusts you a lot!” she said.

“You don’t have to lie to make me feel better,” you said, “Regardless as to his reasons, it remains that he’s leaving me. At least he said we can still be friends, though.”

“Wait!” she said, and there was a conniving smirk on her face that spelled trouble, “I have an idea. Let’s throw a surprise going-away-party for him! Even if you don’t confess, at least it’ll show you care about him. And maybe we’ll be able to figure out why he’s leaving and where he’s going, too.”

“We have to do it before the end of the week, then, that’s when Shoko estimates his cursed energy will be back to normal and he won’t be able to talk anymore,” you said.

“I doubt you’d be complaining about that, Miss Ingredients Fetish,” Nobara said.

“I don’t have a fetish for ingredients!” you said, wriggling out of her hug and glaring at her.

“Oh, really? So you won’t get all hot and bothered if I say ‘salmon,’ right?” she said.

“No!”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Nobara, I’ve never been surer of anything in my life,” you said.

“Salmon,” she said, panting dramatically and clutching her chest. You threw a pillow at her, knocking her off of the bed in a fit of laughter.

“You suck,” you said.

“You swallow,” she shot back.

“Ugh! You’re hopeless!” you said, throwing your hands in the air.

“I’ll text the group chat to make plans for the party!” she said. You gave her the finger and stomped out of her room to go sit in your own and mope about the fact that Inumaki was leaving.

Really, this was probably a good thing. After all, with him gone, you didn’t have to worry about him accidentally finding out about your crush. And maybe you’d even be able to move on, though you had no idea who at this school would measure up to Inumaki.

Nobara’s plan was sound, though. A going away party would be perfect to wish him one final farewell — provided, of course, that you were able to keep it a secret from the boy. This was easier said than done, but you were determined. You would make Inumaki’s party an occasion to remember, but this meant you had to call in some help.

The first thing you did the next day was video call Okkotsu, who was currently in Africa, training with a sorcerer named Miguel. You had to track down Maki and beg her for his number; she had been very confused but had given it to you anyways.

This left you staring at your phone screen, praying he would pick up. Inumaki and Okkotsu were best friends, so it would be wrong to not tell the black-haired sorcerer about your plans. He also might have some insight as to where Inumaki was going and why he was leaving.

“Hello?” Thankfully, Okkotsu picked up, looking extraordinarily confused. There were dark circles under his eyes and a katana strapped to his back. Despite the fact that he looked battle ready, he was just sitting on a couch and shoving chips in his mouth. “Who is this?”

“Okkotsu, sir! This is Y/N, I’m one of the first years at Jujutsu Tech,” you said.

“Okay. Don’t call me sir, it’s weird and I’m only a year older than you. Is there a reason you’re calling me?” he said.

“Yes, there is. See, Inumaki —” you began before he cut you off.

“Ohhh, you’re that Y/N! Yeah, yeah, I completely approve,” he said.

“Did Nobara already tell you?” you said.

“No, Inumaki’s been telling me about this for months now! Who’s Nobara?” he said.

“Months? But we didn’t even start planning until yesterday,” you said.

“He’s been dreaming of this day since the beginning of the year, even video called me and everything! I don’t think I’ve heard him say ‘salmon’ as many times in a row ever before or since,” he said. Unbidden, you remembered Nobara’s actions from yesterday and shivered before shaking your head to clear such thoughts from your mind.

“Do you know why he…you know?” you said. If Inumaki really had been planning on leaving for so long, then certainly Okkotsu would know why. The boy hummed and nodded.

“Yeah, for sure! But it’s a little weird if I say it, you know? Against the bro code or whatever, and it’d feel a bit too much like I was trying to slide in, which I’m not! Just ask him, I’m sure he’ll be delighted to tell you. God, he must be so happy right now! I wish I could be there to see it,” he said.

“Well, that’s actually why I called you. I’m throwing a surprise party in honor of the occasion, and I was wondering if you’d be able to come, or at least video call in,” you said. Each word Okkotsu uttered was like a stab in the heart, further reinforcing the fact that Inumaki really, really, really didn’t like you. Why else did he make plans to leave the literal day he had met you? You only wished he would’ve gone sooner so that your feelings did not build up and compound from a simple admiration into something greater, something beautiful and untouchable yet twisted and cruel.

“Sounds like a great time! Just video call me, I’ll be sure to pick up. And I’ll try to send something along as a gift, too! Damn, I know it’s not my news to be excited for, but it feels as though my heart’s going to burst!” he said, popping a final chip into his mouth before hanging up. You stared at the phone’s black screen for a second, marvelling at how this short conversation had made you feel even worse about the status of your relationship with Inumaki.

Before, you had believed that the two of you were friends, at least. You both had gotten along well enough — you would train together and slip each other notes with book recommendations. He had told you his favorite restaurant and described exactly the meal you should order, and you had introduced him to your favorite television series. Yet with the latest revelations that your discussion with Okkotsu had brought about, it was clear that all of this was Inumaki doing the bare minimum to tolerate you until the day he could leave.

Maybe he was glad that he could speak, if only for a short time. It allowed him to tell you in no uncertain terms that he was going away. If only he had elaborated back then! If only he had said that he felt such a way about you from the very start instead of leading you on with candy-sweet platitudes and feigned affection.

With Okkotsu’s presence now confirmed (and a gift apparently on the way), you moved on to the next thing you had to do in order to prepare for the party: recruit the other second years.

You decided to start with Maki. Though she was seemingly brusque, she was also a caring girl, and you knew she’d be thrilled to help throw a farewell party for one of her closest friends, even if she had not known he was leaving until just now.

As expected, she was properly enraged upon hearing the news.

“He’s leaving? Leaving where, exactly? The only place he’ll be going is hell, because I’m about to punch him so hard that that’s where he’ll end up!” she said, balling her fists, a vein popping in her forehead.

“Woah, hey, Maki! I don’t know where he’s going, but please don’t confront him. I don’t think he wants people knowing, and I want the party to be a surprise. He might get suspicious if he realizes that you know,” you said.

“Stupid idiot, won’t even tell his own classmates that he’s going,” she muttered, “I’ll keep your secret. But I will be committing violence at the party.”

“Please don’t!” you said, distressed at the thought, “I want him to have a fun final memory of Jujutsu Tech.”

Her eyes softened when she looked at you, and she nodded begrudgingly. “Alright. Your secret, and your party, are safe with me. I won’t tell a soul! Although, you know…a surprise farewell party would be a great place to confess your feelings.”

“How — how do you know about my feelings?” you said.

“Firstly, you’re not exactly subtle, the others are just really oblivious. Secondly, Nobara mayyyy have let something slip,” she said.

“I’m going to kill her,” you said.

“Don’t,” she said.

“No, I’m seriously considering it,” you said.

“If you do, I’ll ruin Inumaki’s party,” she threatened.

“Fine!” you whined like a child, “I’m going to go talk to Panda.”

The large bear was asleep in the sun when you reached him. You nudged him with your foot in an attempt to get him to wake up; thankfully, he did, blinking his beetle-dark eyes open sleepily and sitting up when he saw you.

“Panda, I need your help,” you said seriously once you were sure that you had his undivided attention.

“What’s the matter?” he said.

“Inumaki’s leaving, so I’m throwing him a party,” you said. Panda furrowed his brow, clearly trying to process this development.

“He is?” he finally said. You nodded, a small frown tugging at the corners of your lips.

“Yeah, he literally told me as much! He was all like ‘I leave you,’ and it was kind of upsetting, actually,” you said.

“How interesting,” he said finally, and now there was mischief in his expression, “And you need my help with hosting a party?”

“I don’t know how much of a party it’ll be, exactly, I mean it’ll only be the first and second years, but yes, basically,” you said. He chuckled, rubbing his paws together menacingly.

“Excellent. Yes, I’d love to help! And it’s a surprise, right?” he said.

“Yes?” you said. He looked almost evil at this point, baring his teeth in his version of a smirk.

“Even better.”

With the second years thusly recruited and the first years taken care of by Nobara (you wasn’t sure what, exactly, she had over Fushiguro to convince him to join in on the festivities, but judging by the sour expression on his face when he RSVP'd to you, it had to be something), the guest list was complete. Panda assured you he’d get Inumaki to come without being obvious, and you were happy to entrust the task to him.

This left you to go shopping for party supplies, using Gojo’s credit card (Fushiguro had told you where it was hidden). You had convinced Nobara to stay behind, claiming that she needed to hold down the fort in your absence and get started on cleaning the room you’d use for the party. That was a lie, of course — you actually just didn’t want to take her shopping with you. If she came, you wouldn’t be back before midnight, and the party was supposed to be tonight.

“Where are you going?” Inumaki said. You almost screamed at the sound of his voice; you hadn’t expected him to just manifest out of nowhere, and especially not when you were trying to sneak out of the school in order to buy things for his surprise party.

“Shopping!” you said.

“Can I come? I feel like things were kinda left off weirdly last time we spoke, and I hoped we could try to fix them,” he said. You were unused to hearing him speak so many words at once, and you were mesmerised for a second before you mentally slapped yourself out of it.

“No! You cannot come. Sorry,” you said, feeling bad. You wanted nothing more than to talk with Inumaki, to talk and talk until your throat went dry and your words ran out, but if he saw what you were shopping for, then he’d catch on to the plan.

“Oh. Is it because I told you — ?”

“Absolutely not!” you yelped, cutting him off, not wanting him to get any ideas, “I’m shopping for personal things. Like tampons.”

“I don’t really mind that,” he said shyly, “I don’t think tampons are gross. I mean, they’re only plastic and cotton. I just really want to talk with you.”

“Sex toys!” you said.

“Um, what?” he said, taken aback. Your face was hot with embarrassment, but you needed him to understand that he was not allowed to come shopping with you. So you locked eyes with him and tried to repeat yourself.

“I am going shopping for, uh, you know…I mean, you heard me!” you said.

“Right!” he said, and he was so completely red you almost called him Clifford, “I’ll leave you to it, then! I guess we can talk later.”

You gave him a fake smile and a thumbs up, staying frozen in place until he had disappeared from sight. Then, with a wail, you called Nobara.

“I fucking told him I was shopping for sex toys!” you said, not even waiting for her to greet you like usual. There was a long silence on the other end of the line before someone cleared their throat.

“This is Fushiguro,” he said. You promptly hung up and cursed your luck. You should’ve sent Nobara to do the shopping. You really, reallyshould’ve sent Nobara.

That evening, as the sun set over the horizon and Panda distracted Inumaki, the rest of you decorated the room that Nobara and Yuji had cleared earlier in the day. Maki and Nobara were too busy whispering amongst each other to actually help, though, and you were hiding in the corner, too terrified of his reaction to even glance in Fushiguro’s direction. For his part, he did an excellent job of ignoring you, leaving him and Yuji to do the majority of the setting up.

When anxiety made it difficult to breathe, you began to fiddle with the projector, where Okkotsu’s face would be shown once he called in to the party. The green light was blinking, which meant that it was ready to go and was only waiting for you to connect your phone to it.

“It’s going to be fine,” Nobara soothed you, placing a hand on your shoulder, “I think he’ll be thankful you planned something like this at all.”

“And I still think you should confess your feelings,” Maki said, adding her unwanted opinion, “Seriously! If he rejects you then it doesn’t matter, because he’ll just be leaving soon anyways. I think you should consider it.”

“She’s right,” Nobara said, “Here, maybe this’ll motivate you.”

She leaned in until her lips were barely brushing against the shell of your ear, cool breath tickling against your neck.

“What are you doing?” you said, unamused. She pitched her voice lower before speaking.

“Bonito flakes.”

“You little — stop doing that! I do not have an ingredients fetish!” you shouted, hitting her shoulder repeatedly. She burst into raucous laughter, tears of mirth gathering along her lash line.

“I’m going to have to request you to please stop talking about your intimate life in front of me, please,” Fushiguro said uncomfortably, “I already know far more than I ever wanted to.”

“Fushiguro, it wasn’t like that, I was shopping for party supplies! I only said the other thing to throw Inumaki off the trail,” you said.

“Okay,” he said, obviously not believing you but allowing you to pretend, “Whatever you say.”

“Shh! Panda and Inumaki are on their way!” Yuji said, interrupting the conversation by hushing all of you obnoxiously, “Everyone, positions!”

You all ducked behind various pieces of furniture, and one of Fushiguro’s Divine Dogs hit the light switch, plunging the room into darkness before it melted into the shadows once more.

A second later, the door creaked open, revealing Inumaki and Panda’s silhouettes standing in the frame. From beside you, Nobara began to giggle, and you pinched her in an effort to get her to shut up. It worked, although it did have the unfortunate consequence of her pinching you back.

“What’s going on here?” Inumaki said, turning the lights on. As soon as he did, you all (with the exception of Fushiguro, of course) leapt out at him. He fell backwards in surprise, staring up at you through thick lashes.

“Surprise!” Yuji said.

“It’s not my birthday?” Inumaki said.

“Do you see a cake anywhere?” Nobara said, “This isn’t a birthday party, it’s a farewell party!”

“A farewell party? But who are we saying farewell to?” Inumaki said in confusion.

“You. Did you think we wouldn’t care about your departure? You idiot, we’re going to miss you so much!” Maki said, sniffing and wiping away a tear.

“Let’s all go around and share our favorite memories with Inumaki,” Yuji said. Inumaki seemed dumbfounded, so Nobara took the initiative to respond.

“That’s a great idea! I’ll go first — I really enjoyed the one time he let me paint his nails,” she said.

“I don’t have any good memories,” Fushiguro deadpanned, “But if I had to pick a tolerable one, it would be when I convinced him to use his Cursed Speech on Nanami.”

“I remember that!” Maki said, howling in laughter, “And I can’t pick a favorite memory. We just have too many good ones.”

“Same!” Yuji said, and he was bawling now for some reason, “You’re just so cool, Inumaki! I’m so sad that you’re going!”

“Y/N, what about you?” Maki said.

“Confess! Confess! Confess!” Nobara chanted, not even trying to be subtle about it anymore.

“Be quiet!” you said.

“Do it or I’ll do it for you!” she said. You looked around at the audience; they all seemed interested, even Fushiguro. Though you wanted to talk to Inumaki in a bit more of a private setting, Nobara and Maki were right in that this was the perfect time to say something. So, taking a deep breath, you faced the boy.

“Inumaki,” you said, “I know that I’ve been acting weird recently, ever since you told me you’ll be going, but that’s because I don’t want you to. See, the truth is that I love you. I think I have for a while now, and I’m going to miss you, and I don’t want you to go, so please don’t. Please stay.”

He blinked. “Huh? What do you mean? I never said I was going anywhere.”

“Yes you did!” you said, pointing at him accusingly, “I remember it! That day in the infirmary!”

“I didn’t say I was going anywhere, I said I leave you!” he said.

“That’s the same thing!” you said indignantly, “You’re getting upset about semantics when I just confessed that I love you, idiot! Doesn’t that even mean anything to you?”

“No? I’ve never heard of that word before!” he said.

“Love? You’ve never heard of love before?” you said. He shook his head.

“Nope,” he said.

“L-O-V-E. Love. That rings no bells?” you said. His face suddenly went snow-white.

“L-O-V-E is pronounced…love?” he said.

“How the hell else would it be pronounced?” you snapped, feeling far too bewildered and irritated to soften your words. How could he have treated your feelings so flippantly? How did he just not understand love?

Inumaki suddenly found the floor incredibly fascinating. “...leave.”

“What?” You said.

“What?” he said innocently.

“OH MY GOD!” Nobara squealed, catching on far quicker than you, “You both are idiots!” Finally, you began to understand, and then you were inclined to agree with her.

“So you’re not going anywhere?” you checked.

“No, I’m not,” he said.

“He hasn’t been able to speak for practically his entire life,” Panda said, shoulders shaking with laughter, “Can you blame him if he mispronounces a couple of words now and then? It’s not like anybody’s ever corrected him before.”

Mispronounced words. He had mispronounced one of the simplest words in the English language, and it had led to all of this.

“You’re not leaving,” you said again, drawing closer to him, “You’re not leaving me.”

“I won’t ever leave you if you don’t want me to,” he said, wrapping his arms around you in a warm hug.

“Don’t,” you said, “Please don’t.”

“I love you. That’s what I meant to say all along,” he said.

“I guess I threw this whole party for nothing, then,” you said, hiding your face in his shirt.

“Is this what you were shopping for earlier? Not…the other things?” he said.

“Yeah. It was just a surprise, so I didn’t want you coming along,” you said, feeling bashful at how entirely silly the entire affair had ended up being. He let out a warm, gentle laugh that caused his chest to vibrate against your cheek.

“It’ll be hard, you know. Once this week is over, I’ll be back to only speaking in rice ball ingredients,” he warned.

“That’s probably for the best. Less room for misinterpretation,” you said.

“Plus, she has an ingredients fetish!” Nobara chimed in. You withdrew from the safety of Inumaki’s shirt to scowl at her.

“Enough with the ingredients fetish!”

A knock at the door interrupted the tense showdown; Panda opened it to reveal a delivery man, who was holding a package and fidgeting, probably out of fear, considering he was face to face with a giant, sentient panda.

“I have a package from an Okkotsu Yuta, addressed here?” he said. You slapped your forehead.

“Shit, I forgot about him! Thank you,” you said, accepting the box and then quickly calling Okkotsu.

“Hey, guys!” he said cheerily. His phone must have been set up against the wall of a building or something, because it showed him busy using his katana to exorcise curses and not even breaking a sweat, “Sorry, this isn’t a great time, but congratulations on getting together! I hope you like your present — hey! Stay away from the iPhone!” The screen abruptly went dark as a curse swiped at Okkotsu’s cell phone, knocking it down while the sorcerer snarled.

“Open the present!” Yuji said excitedly.

Inside of the box were two bright pink t-shirts. Both of them had white lettering on them — one said I’m Okkotsu Yuta’s Best Friend Foreverand the other said I’m Okkotsu Yuta’s Girlfriend-in-Law.

You all stared at them, expressions varying from amusement to delight to horror. You didn’t even question how Okkotsu had known that you and Inumaki would confess to each other. Clearly, he already thought you both were together, so it was really just divine timing in that sense.

Somewhere in Africa, Okkotsu finished exorcising the curses and sheathed his katana, casting aside his jacket to reveal a bright pink shirt that said on it in white lettering, I’m Okkotsu Yuta.

“Maybe they’ll let me third wheel,” he mused to himself, “I mean, they had better, considering how hard these shirts were to find at the thrift store.”

[crusty-chronicles]

Yu Yu Hakusho Men Reacting to Receiving Flowers

Synopsis: How the men of Yu Yu Hakusho react to receiving flowers and if they'd get you some in return 🌺

Yusuke💥

He pretends to be offended, but honestly it makes his heart melt

The fact that you went out of your way to actually buy him something makes him feel special.

Doing it just because without expecting anything grand in return.

If you give him flowers in private, he puts up less of a fuss.

“I'm not sick or anything, you know. Besides, you could've just plucked some weeds instead of spending so much money.” He says after (not so) begrudgingly taking the small bouquet from you.

Already knowing they won't last more than a week in his care. But still trying to hide the heat rising to his cheeks.

But if you give him flowers in front of his friends, namely Kuwabara, he makes a big show of it.

“What am I? A girl? Or did you just wanna take on gardening, because there's no way in hell you actually got me flowers.”

You end up calling him a jerk before leaving.

And he feels really bad after.

Despite his tough guy act, he genuinely does care about you and hates to see you upset. Especially when it's because of him and his big mouth.

So he shows up later to your house with an even bigger bouquet of roses.

“I'm sorry for being an ass. I didn't mean it I just…didn't want- Well, Kuwabara would never let me live it down.” He tries to explain.

But you weren't buying it, judging by how you still hadn't opened your door all the way. So he tries to apologize again the only way he knows how.

“I'll take you out wherever you want for a week if you let me in?” He says hopefully.

“That's not enough. You really hurt my feelings today.”

“Two weeks. And I'll buy you flowers every day. Your favorites~ sunflowers.”

He keeps true to his word and makes sure to always accept whatever you gift him with a huge smile from now on.

No matter if it makes him look like a softie or not.

---------------------

Kurama🦊

He's thrilled

Will point out and explain what every flower means.

What each part of the bouquet symbolizes

Please buy this man red roses

As cliche as they are, they symbolize love. Your love.

And he can't help but be smitten by the fact.

He's not the slightest embarrassed whether you give them to him in public or private.

Even if the others tease him for it, he'll just come up with a witty remark to shut them down.

“Maybe they think you're a girl after all,” Yusuke said, followed by another taunt from Kuwabara.

“His delicate features got to them.”

“What a funny way of saying the two of you have never thought of getting your partners flowers before? You do know Valentine's Day is coming up right?” Kurama shut down.

And the both of them start racing to the nearest boutique. Pushing and shoving each other out of the way.

When you gift Kurama flowers, they don't wither away within a few weeks.

Instead he'll use his demon energy to keep them alive for years.

Might even plant some of them to make a new bouquet for you in the future.

All in all, it's one of the few gestures that makes his heart beat just a little bit faster. And he cherishes each and every bud.

------------------------------

Hiei ⚔️

He could care less tbh

He isn't all that familiar with human gestures, so he doesn't know what to make of it when you present him with a bouquet

“Are you taunting me?” He asks.

And you have to explain to him that sometimes humans like to gift flowers to their lovers as a way to show affection.

He personally thinks it's a waste of time and energy. A few weeds that shrivel up and die within a week are supposed to symbolize your feelings? Why waste your human currency when he can just show you affection through his actions. i.e. watching over you.

He tells you as much too, but the second he sees you deflate, he quickly snatches them up.

Grumbling out a ‘Don’t start sulking like a child. I didn't say I rejected your little gift.’ And a ‘Next time don't bother. Come to me directly.’

Hiei will only receive your flowers in private.

You will not be able to catch him in public to give them to him.

In fact, he rarely goes out during the day. Preferring to wait for you at home.

He will also not mention it to the others and trusts you'll do the same.

Your relationship is private, and he prefers to keep it that way.

While Hiei personally doesn't see the appeal of giving flowers, he knows you do.

Which is why you wake up one morning to see a single white orchid on your pillow

And he'll deny it was ever him that left it there.

--------------------

Bonus Jin🌪️

The purest of bois

He's absolutely ecstatic when you give him flowers

Like Hiei, he doesn't understand many human gestures. But it's the fact you're giving him something that makes him so happy.

You could probably give him a rock and he'd have the same reaction

He eventually asks you why you brought him flowers.

And when you say it's because you love him, he's practically jumping with joy. Picking you up in a strong hug and swinging you around a few times before placing a smooch on your cheek.

“You've got me ears wigglin’ and everything!” And sure enough, the tips of his ears are jittering about in excitement.

He'd like to return the favor and get you flowers just as beautiful however-

“We've got a few pretty plants in demon world, but they'd probably bite your head clean off. Woosh! Just like that.” He explains.

He settles for bringing you little wildflowers whenever he has a chance to visit instead.

He's a little fascinated to find out there's meaning behind each flower.

He just figured they were pretty and that's it.

When you tell him a baby’s breath (which he thinks is an incredibly weird name for a flower) means long lasting love, he swears he can feel his face warm.

So he tries to find you flowers that hold meaning too.

The color red always seems to mean love, so most of the flowers he gifts to you in return are that color.

He's just an absolute sweetheart all around 🥺

------------------

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY 💘

[https-evan2]

heard you were suffering from writers block so I am here to ask for a fix :)

imagine:

being Pavitr’s friend for YEARS. I’m talking since diapers. Only to see him run after the same girl, Gyatri. You encourage him, of course. But, one night when he comes home with flowers, you attempt to cheer him up, assuming Gyatri rejected him. When in reality, he bought you flowers with her help and even prepared a little speech so he can finally tells you how he feels.

(I have a Hobie idea that is similar to this as well that’s more abt babysitting Mayday.)

i love this idea so much

since you didn’t request gender it’s gonna be neutral

no pronouns used for reader (as usual)

btw English isn’t my first language so it might be some grammar and spelling errors

• You’ve been his friend for as long as you could remember your earliest memory is when you were 5 and your and his family were having a dinner together

• there’s even pictures of when you two were in diapers together

• and you might have developed a teeny tiny crush on him

• but you’ve never acted on it bc of his crush on Gyatri

• Tbh it was a little sad seeing him being so hopelessly romantic for her but you were his best friend (sorry Hobie)

• You didn’t want to end your friendship bc of a stupid crush

• So no matter how sad you were you were always by his side

“Tonight is the night I’m going to tell her how i feel” he said

“Yeah at least I’ll finally catch a break from you straight up simping for her” you said jokingly

”I’m not simping” he said jokingly offended

“whatever help’s you sleep at night” you said and Pavitr slightly elbowed your side

• little did you know is that the person your best friend had been obsessing over was you and Gyatri had helped bim trying to confess to you

• but he made sure never to lie

•whenever he said that he was gonna tell her how he felt he meant tell her how he felt about you

• It was the next day aka Saturday

• he picked this day so he could confess to you during the sunset

• he had called you to sit by your favourite place

•it was a tall rooftop with an entrance that was almost secret

•you first thought that he was rejected bc he sounded a little more nervous and shyer on the phone

• never in a million years would you imagine that he was there with flowers…. For you!

“What the heck is all this” you said with a small chuckle

“Hi there, Y/N,

I've known you for what seems like an eternity, but even in all our time together, I've never been able to put into words how I truly feel about you.

Every time I see you, you make my heart skip a beat. Your presence alone makes me feel at ease, no matter what troubles I face in life. Being with you is like being in a warm embrace; I feel safe, protected, and loved.

I cherish every moment we've had as friends, but what I really want is to explore something more with you. I want us to be more than just friends. I want to be your partner, your lover, your everything.

No matter what happens, I promise to always be there for you. Whether we live on the same planet, or in different galaxies, my love for you will never fade.

Will you be mine?”

• You looked at him blushing like crazy

“y-you were into me this hole time!”

“Y-yes heh suprise!”

“please don’t just look at me like tha-“

•you interrupted him by hugging him

“Yes, I’d love to be yours” <3

[prettylittledollswork]

Bungou Stray Dogs Men and their 3 fears!!

W/ Atsushi and Akutagawa !!! (Seperate)

Extra: remember, things can be picked apart and put together for each of the character !!! Just hcs, might make a part two with dazai and fyodor tbh.

———————————————————

1. losing you

Akutagawa - Okay, he wouldn’t show it but he’s TERRIFIED of losing you. He acts nonchalant and stuff but if you were lost, whether it be by yourself or someone else, he will not hesitate to tear down the whole city, if not, country, to find you. You mean so much to him that it’s sickening.

Atsushi - You were on one of the only people there when he was outcasted from the orphanage, it’s natural he’s grow attached. Losing you means that he loses a significant part of his life. Maybe even his life itself. I think he’d be the type to go ahead and do something reckless when you are in danger. Like the episode where he was tested and the fake bomb threat, he’d do something like that.

Rejection

Atsushi and Akutagawa - I feel he’d be afraid of rejection. Afraid of doing the wrong thing and you getting upset and realizing you don’t need him. He feels you can do so much better and that a stroke of luck just hit him, that’s it. If you were to even have an unpleasant expression, he’d start overthinking.

Self-esteem

Atsushi - Now, we all know this boy has low self-esteem. He couldn’t even believe in himself to cook rice. Which is why, like a cat, he too wants constant reassurance and coaxing.

Akutagawa - Ok, this boy is SIMILAR. We all know he’a confident in battles but trust me, when it comes to you, he couldn’t believe in himself to even hurt a fly. He NEEDS constant reassurance and coaxing. Atsushi can go a bit without it but oh boy, Akutagwa needs it like how he needs his cape for rashomon.

———————————————————

[stellisketches]

I think the fight between Aphmau and Garroth at the end of season 2 reads a lot better if you don’t look at it from a “who’s right and whose wrong” perspective and just absorb it as a natural consequence of the narrative.

These two had gone through the emotional ringer leading up to the confrontation, and one way or another something was bound blow over. As a side note, I don’t think either of them were that out of character during the scene either, which I’ve seen some people argue.

Two of Aphmau's main character flaws is that she a) wants everyone around her to be happy all the time and b) she forgets to consider the full consequences of her actions. Part B is obvious in this situation, and as for part A, she had plenty of chances to tell Garroth she was pregnant before the whole invasion but chose not to because she didn’t want to make him unhappy (this was confirmed by Katelyn). She’d honestly prefer to tell Garroth bad news when he’s already upset and make him feel worse rather than tell him when he was happy/content and interrupt the peace (though I doubt she’s consciously aware of it).

And we’ve seen that Garroth is fully capable of being cold and snapping when he’s upset, though he seems to reserve it for people he genuinely dislikes or is deeply upset with. We’ve just never seen him reach that point with Aphmau (arguably save for end of s1, but I still chock that up to magick-fuckery). Because she was the one person who kept him grounded, and he did not ever want for her to see him in an uncaring light.

Was it morally right of Garroth to yell at her after being told? No. Did he come off as manipulative when he questioned if she had ever cared about him? Yeah. Was he acting as though she betrayed him when he knew they were never officially together? Pretty much.

Was it understandable that Garroth would be outwardly upset after being told the woman he loves is having another man’s child after weeks of building stress? Yes. Directly after finding out his mother was about to be executed and his home had been laid to siege? Double yes. Was him questioning his entire relationship with her a natural, instinctual response after realizing she had kept it from him for a substantial amount of time? I’d say yes.

Was it morally wrong for Aphmau to sleep with Aaron? No. Was she obligated to tell anyone about her intimate relationships? No. Was she responsible for the way Garroth acted? No.

Was it incredibly stupid for her to have told Garroth right after he found out his mother was going to be executed? Yes. Should she have anticipated that it was probably a bad time to announce she was pregnant? Yes. Was Aphmau toeing the line at feeling sorry for herself and playing the victim in order to initiate sympathy from Garroth throughout that conversation? Personally, I’d say yes.

They both acted in a way that was manipulative, as is what happens when two people are upset and in conflict. You want the other person to feel a certain way, and you say and do things that aren’t necessarily fair in order to make them feel it. It’s not about right and wrong, its just about making yourself and your misery heard. It is natural, and nature does not have a moral compass.

I’ve seen a TON of arguments on a ton of different platforms arguing about whether it was Aphmau or Garroth who was being manipulative towards the other and it all totals up to be pretty 50-50, and tbh I think that is the best seal I can get for my claim. People usually side with whoever they think is most morally correct, and everyone has opinions and biases they’ve settled into that impact who they side with. With a score that even, you know it really comes down to a personal moral standpoint.

Thing is, this wasn’t a moral argument. it was simply a well of building emotions that hit its limit and flooded way over capacity.

It’s not about who deserved to get yelled at. It’s not about who deserved to get rejected. When it comes down to it, it is about two people at their own personal breaking points who spiral into reverberating their anguish on one another. They were neither entirely justified or condemnable for feeling the way they did or for the way they spoke to one another.

And that is why it makes it so frustrating and uncomfortable to the audience.

[vashtijoy]

akechi + featherman

Ok so. My working theory re. Akechi’s awakening is that he awakens twice, like Yoshizawa—first to Robin Hood, and then later to Loki. I know there’s Word of God that he awakened to them both at the same time, but based on his third awakening sequence, if he did that, Robin Hood was first—note that Hereward is also, essentially, Dark Robin Hood, Batman to Robin’s Superman.

I don’t know if Akechi is a Featherman fan in canon (I can’t see him continuing to unironically enjoy tales of heroism and good triumphant, tbh), but he was one when he awakened, and in this post etc etc.

Here are the P5D Featherman costumes for Joker and Akechi. Note the very big, very obvious, very pointy gold wing motifs across the chest and on the belt buckle:

Now here's the boy, looking smug in his white crow suit. Do you see the gold wings on his collar, inside the edging braid? It's the same motif.

Now here's Robin Hood, being a whole lot less subtle about it. First, look at the gold feathers that form the bow. It's the same shape that forms the front of the Featherman suits. Second, zoom in a bit, and check out the feathered edging on the outsides of the R and H. Again, it's the same motif, the gold wings.

Lastly, of course: what's his codename? The one he picked for himself, the one he almost certainly had chosen when he walked in? It's Crow. Just like all the Feathermen, he's named for a bird. Whether he makes it "Feather Crow" in his head is something we will never know.

I strongly suspect that, if Akechi did awaken to Robin Hood first, he must have been like fourteen—for various lore reasons like the Velvet Room being stolen, P4 puts a hard floor on when Akechi can awaken for P5, otherwise I'd put it even younger. The whole white crow ensemble—the costume, the persona, the toy weapons—it's all so much like a child's will of rebellion, don't you think? And then, at some point, he changes so much that he awakens again, to Loki.

It hurts to think about him awakening that young, already hiding hate and rejection and crushing loneliness behind his smiling good-boy mask, already obsessed with revenge, but relatively innocent and not beyond hope. I feel like his first awakening gives him a chance to do better—and he doesn't take it, or can't take it, or something happens that makes it impossible for him to take it.

Maybe the second awakening comes when he chooses to be a perpetrator and hurt others, rather than be a victim who gets hurt by others, but there are as many theories about Loki and Robin Hood as there are Akechi fans. And of course, if that theory stands up, then something must have happened to Akechi that finally killed his hope that people might one day want him, if he could only be good enough. Something that finally fixed his course, and sent him off to Shido prepared to do whatever was necessary.

And the rest we know.

[reverie-starlight]

I need to get some blood work done and I hate the experience so much, so to make me feel better, here’s some kuroo fluff. I don’t wanna hear anything about how soft this is. I don’t respond well to tough love or logic at all when I'm anxious, I need the softness.

gn!reader, no physical description. tw: blood, needles, hospital/drs office setting. slight anxiety/panic. very fluffy, maybe a little bit TOO fluffy tbh. extremely self indulgent, but what else is new on this blog? lowercase intentional. @emmyrosee I recycled a couple ideas from that one kuroo ask I sent you a while back, I hope that's okay :')

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I can take the day off of work, I don’t mind.”

you sighed into your mug, one that the man sitting on the other side of the table had gifted you. it was halloween themed, and (very ironically, considering your current situation) had vampire fang designs all over it, many with blood dripping from them.

“I appreciate that, but I would never ask you to.”

kuroo slightly frowned. “you don’t have to ask me, baby, I’m offering.”

he watched as your own brow furrowed, resisting the urge to lean over and smooth it out with his thumb. he tried again. “I know how much you hate blood work. I don’t want you to have to deal with it alone.”

a feeling of guilt started bubbling in your stomach. “tetsu, that’s exactly it, though. I don’t like it, but I’m old enough now to be able to do it alone…” you paused and shook your head before editing your sentence. “I should be able to do it alone by now without spiraling.”

he sighed and gave you a sympathetic look. “baby, there’s no expiration date on fear, or a set age that you’re supposed to get over something by,” he took your hand and rubbed his thumb over it. “you’re scared, and that’s okay. as your fiancé, I’m not going to let you suffer through that alone.”

you took your bottom lip in between your teeth and mulled it over. he tried to hide a fond smile as he watched the wheels in your pretty head turn.

truthfully, he already booked that day off work. you didn’t know yet, but as soon as you had told him the date of your appointment, he had reserved that as a personal day on his schedule.

he’d never call you predictable, but when it came to things relating to your fears, he knew you needed some emotional support- whether you voiced it or not.

finally you looked up at him again with a hesitant, slightly guilty expression. “you really don’t mind taking time off work for this?”

he brought your hand up to his lips and kissed your knuckles. “for you, my love? never.”

and a week later, on the day of your appointment, he did everything he could to prove it to you further.

your appointment wasn’t until noon, so he made sure to spend the entire morning pampering you, distracting you enough so that you didn’t even have time to let the anxiety build up.

any time he noticed a faraway look in your eyes, he’d lean over and kiss your face until you laughed, really making sure to exaggerate the noises to embarrass you a bit.

and you recognized his efforts to keep you in good spirits, trying to meet him halfway. usually when you had a big nerve wracking event approaching, you were used to isolating yourself and trying to calm down alone. pushing through and wishing you could stay in control of your anxieties long enough to get through it and beating yourself up when you couldn’t.

however, since meeting kuroo, you didn’t have to do that anymore. when you first got together, you rejected any help he tried to give you. but once he realized that you just weren’t used to people giving you the emotional support you needed… that you were used to the opposite- being shamed for those feelings, he was able to navigate things better.

and along the way you realized that letting someone in was much healthier for you. so in an effort to keep that up, you let him take the wheel, figuratively and literally.

on the way to the doctor’s office, he played music and purposefully sang along badly, all in an attempt to make your life a little easier.

and it worked, because your brain had completely rejected any thoughts of worrying about the bloodwork.

until you had to sit in the waiting room, that is.

he could feel the anxiety rolling off of you as you waited to be called, and despite everything, he couldn’t help but feel a bit useless. all he ever wanted to do for you at any given time was make sure that you were happy and stress-free. he felt his heart break a bit as he watched you try to keep a composed demeanor.

so he pressed gentle kisses to your temple and let you play with his fingers. he even clogged up his storage and downloaded a ton of games for you to play if you asked (he knew how fast games drained your phone’s battery, so he gladly sacrificed his).

but he could tell from your crumbling expression and bouncing leg that the nervous butterflies in your stomach were turning into something much bigger.

he noticed a nurse walking down the hall towards the waiting room and quickly whispered something in your ear.

you looked up at him with wide eyes, surprised at his words, which pulled a shocked laugh out of your mouth. “tetsu!” you whisper-yelled at him, not wanting to disrupt the other patients.

he just gave you a charmingly boyish grin in response, squeezing your hand when the nurse called your name.

she lead you both into a small room, and you started shaking a bit.

“please take your sweater off or roll up your sleeve.”

you did what she asked and kuroo settled beside you on the opposite side of the nurse, tracing the palm of your hand.

“oh my- you’re shaking! are you alright?” asked the nurse and you felt hot embarrassment shoot through your body on top of the anxiety.

“um, yeah, I’m okay,” you said quietly, obviously nervous. she seemed to understand and thankfully didn’t make a big deal about it, rather making conversation about other things as she cleaned your arm.

“is this your fiancé? I love your rings, and it’s so sweet that he came with you today… I wish my girlfriend was able to come with me to my appointments.”

you smiled politely at her, and tried not to watch too intently as she got her equipment ready. you didn’t notice the look she gave kuroo, or the nod he returned to her, understanding her secret message. distract them.

that was his plan all along- even if the nurse hadn’t told him to, he would have done everything in his power to get you to focus on him instead of the test.

once he felt you squeeze his hand out of fear and noticed the tears forming in your eyes as the nurse was talking to you about finding a vein, he gently cupped your cheek and prompted your face away.

“hi, pretty, just look at me okay?”

your lower lip wobbled as you nodded, wincing and screwing your eyes shut as you felt the nurse feeling your arm. “make a fist for me, please.”

your hand cooperated and you let out a small noise of discomfort as she got to work.

kuroo stroked your cheek comfortingly and smiled at you when you opened your eyes again. “have I told you that you look absolutely stunning today, baby? just jaw-dropping. incredibly gorgeous. so blinded by your beauty that I should actually be wearing sunglasses right now.”

if it were under any other circumstance, you would have scolded him for flirting with you in front of someone else so unabashedly, but in that moment you were honestly thankful for it. so you shook your head a little.

he gasped. “I haven’t? how awful of me, I’ll make sure to fix that right away.”

and so as the nurse continued to draw blood, with a small smile on her face as she listened to the near one sided conversation, your boyfriend made it his mission to throw every compliment under the sun at you.

"going back to our conversation last night, reason number three hundred and twenty six why I love you: you're so sweet, even if you're not trying to be. you're just a good person through and through, babe."

though it was mildly embarrassing to need a distraction of this intensity, listening to him talk was definitely having the desired effect on you. your eyes were still a bit teary, and your heart was beating fast, but the expression on your face told him that you weren't as focused on the test anymore.

the soft look in his eyes as he tried everything he could to help you was captivating.

he leaned over to give you a quick kiss on the cheek and you huffed in disapproval. he laughed. "don't get shy now, there's still six hundred and seventy four reasons left to get through. I can space them out if you need me to, though. wouldn't want to send your heart into overdrive or anything. I can feel your pulse, don't even try to deny it!"

you were about to respond with what was no doubt going to be an attempt at a snarky comeback, but then the nurse pulled the needle out and pressed a cotton ball over the puncture site. "you're all done! great job."

you blinked at the nurse in surprise and she just smiled in amusement before placing a band-aid on your arm and walking out of the room with the vial of blood.

as soon as she was gone, kuroo tilted your chin up to look at him again. he gave you a big, wide grin and you weren't sure if the lightheaded, dizziness you were experiencing was because of blood loss or affection for your fiancé.

and once you finally made it out of the doctor's office, back into the car, he immediately leaned over the console and pressed yet another flurry of kisses all over your face and neck.

you giggled at him and tried to shove his face away, but he didn't let you, and instead grabbed your hands in his. he slowed down just enough to leave a few lingering kisses on your lips, rubbing his thumbs over your knuckles.

once he was done, he smiled fondly and stared into your eyes as you tried to catch your breath. his expression was as soft as his voice. "I'm so proud of you, baby, that went so well."

you smiled at him in return. "thank you, tetsu, you really helped me today... I'm glad you came with me."

he shook his head. "I told you, it's no problem at all. I'm happy I was able to make things a bit easier for you. Now..." he straightened up in the driver's seat and started the car, but not before giving you one last kiss. "let's get some food in you, and maybe a bit of orange juice, too. I read it's good after getting blood work done."

you nodded and stole one of his hands away from the wheel to hold in your lap. you placed your cheek against his now extended arm and sighed contently.

thinking about the day and how hard he tried to keep you happy and safe... how he did his absolute best to take care of you throughout your panic... there was never a time you couldn't feel the soft, gentle love radiating off of kuroo tetsurou. everything he did was with good intentions, all for you.

after a few minutes of comfortable silence, he felt a pair of eyes on him. at the next red light, he glanced down to see you craning your neck and staring at him with an unreadable expression.

he sent you a sly grin once he deciphered it. "...and maybe tonight, if you're feeling up for it, we can do what I mentioned in the waiting room."

you were one hundred percent certain that the dizziness from earlier wasn't from blood loss now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm not so sure how I feel abt his characterization or dialogue in this one :/

kuroo usually comes easy for me (...that's what she said) (I'm so sorry, I'll leave) but idk, the writing feels a bit off with this one, so I might do some major edits over time... I don't hate it enough to not post though, so I hope you enjoyed!!!!

[hermitw]

i want to hear more about your theory surrounding yuki, kenjaku, and todo if you don’t mind 😭

Haha omg I'll have to remember. It's mostly vibes but I'm good at making connections sooooo

The most solid evidence and vibes first: Todo had those false memories with Yuuji, just like Choso did. Todo also gets those with his celebrity crush but he doesn't try to force a relationship with her, he still has more of a sense of boundaries and reality there.

They are also pretty rough on even those closest to them, kenjaku manipulating his sons and allies into killing each other obv but Todo got his scar from Yuki's intense training, and Todo beats his classmates half to death for not sharing his taste in women (I do feel that it's not fair to make a lot of connections between her and todo since she did raise him to adopt her worse personality traits, like being weirdly intense about that question). But even before they met Todo was beating up older kids, and Yuuji was also beating up the school bullies so it seems to run in the fam.

Kenjaku and his relatives (known and alleged) also share the same sort of aloof insanity, not worried about the societal norms and going after whatever they want without worrying what anyone thinks. They're also very blunt and honest, whether it's about their back getting musty or wanting to be called brother, they don't have much of a filter. Choso and Yuki both showed up in Shibuya like, "what's up I'm not actually on your side." which is very much the way that Todo showed up at the exchange event.

I think its sus that Todo and Yuki just happened to meet each other and there was no context given about his family. Like they just let a young child disappear with some strange woman on a motor bike.

Kenjaku, Yuki and Todo all have this strong personality of doing whatever they want to, without hesitation in the face of authority. Yuki using her special grade salary to travel overseas and reject missions, Todo kicking the door (or was it the wall? I forget) down to leave the principal's meeting. Kenjaku...I don't even have to give an example there.

Also that frame when yuki and kenjaku fight (I'll attach it below) screams parent/child interaction to me.

Since then (today actually) I decided that Coach Takagi is Todo's other dad, he's probably trans and the theories of Rock Lee and Guy Sensei from Naruto are enough evidence to convince me tbh (also tenten I love her but this isn't about that). Coach Takagi is a chaotic rulebreaker, he's more problematic than the students, and I think Kenjaku would see that man and think he looks like fun. I think that Todo inherited some traits from him as well.

Sooooo we know that Kenjaku's motive for everything is that he's just playing a game, looking for a good time, something to be interesting or funny. We see this in the manga but to avoid spoilers, just look at the way he was always playing with the curses - soccer with Jogo's head, Life (as he was manipulating his sons into taking each other's lives ugh), mahjong etc. And they're always chilling in Dagon's domain at the beach, or the playground, it's very recreational (I used to think it was just games to psychoanalyze and vet his curse allies tbh).

All this to say that I 100% believe that he slept around. We know he was pregnant and maybe that's part of the reason why Yuuji is his favorite son.

Todo and Yuki are older than Yuuji - from before Kenjaku was in Kaori's body, so it works with the timeline.

I think that he would have not kept watch for any other potential offspring, but part of him hopes that more and stronger sorcerers or curse users will show up to make things more interesting. Actually, they could have grown to be the people he used like Junpei and Yuuji (that speech he gave at the end of the Shibuya incident). Edit: I think kenjaku was looking for descendents of the old three major clans, like Yuuta (who is also from Sendai) and likely hit Rika with his car.

Hope this made any sort of sense - I am currently rereading the manga again so if I come across more evidence I'll be sure to gather and reblog w that eventually!

[sapphicscience]

hi if u have the space for it can I ask u a baby gay question? I’ve been out as a lesbian for like a year and have only kissed like. three women ever and I just have all of this anxiety about like?? approaching women in any context? I find it so hard to like, even make eye contact with women I find attractive on the street, let alone think of myself as a viable option for any other girl, like as someone another queer woman would even want to bother with. and idk u just seem like someone who is really good at being gay and doing something about it when u think another gay person is hot. So do u have any tips on how to escape this kind of mind palace . I just don’t know how to turn this part of my brain on after so many years of shutting it down at all costs. also feel free to ignore this if u do not have an answer or volition to answer !! u just seemed wise

this is so sweet! tbh three women in a year is pretty solid I think lol! but as far as the rest of your question hmmm. first of all I've been out for like ten years so like, some of this just comes with time. which is not a very helpful answer, I know.

it sounds like you are struggling with some combination of internalized homophobia and general self-esteem issues, and I very much sympathize and am familiar with this! honestly like, work on hyping yourself up, get your friends to hype you up, and eventually you will start believing that you too have value to offer someone!! or if positive self-talk feels like Too Much and your mind is too resistant to it, start with more neutral statements and work your way up!

re: the internalized homophobia aspect of it, I've found that it helps to practice expressing attraction to women to your friends etc—as long as they're good and safe people to do that around—because it helps normalize (in your mind) the idea of finding women attractive and being interested in them!

as far as actually approaching people/flirting, I'm honestly not very good at doing this in person, but I've gotten very good at doing it in an online dating context where intentions are clear. my #1 online dating advice is GET OFF THE APP as soon as possible. don't OPEN with a date proposal, but once the conversation is in a good swing and you feel like you're vibing, ask them to coffee or something because otherwise the conversation will eventually fizzle out. it's a little scary at first but usually if people have been engaged in the conversation they will also be up for meeting up, and realistically this is a person you just met so the stakes are not high!

for approaching people off the apps I would probably only do that in like a gay bar setting bc I'm afraid of hitting on a straight girl lmao. and even though I do have access to gay/lesbian bars this is still not something that I've really done a lot! so in that setting I cannot help much lol.

also this is mildly outside of the scope of your question, but keep in mind if you are starting to try to date, no matter how cool or sexy or fun you are, dating is going to involve some amount of rejection, whether it's people who ghost on an app or people who don't end up wanting a second date after the first one, etc. just remember that that is NORMAL and does not mean anything about your worth as a person or as a partner. I have experienced my share of various kinds of rejection as I've been dating this year, but I've also made some good connections! it works out!

I feel like this is a rambling mess and idk if I even actually answered your question. but this is what I've got I think lmao. thank you for coming to me this was very sweet! and congrats on coming out <3333

[nicnacsnonsense]

📚

For this one I'm just going to copy and paste from Discord from last night, because there is a lot of good stuff and I don't want to type it all out again. Everything quoted below is directly from me, but shout out to both @poetic----nonsense and @adickaboutspoons for contributing a lot more to the overall discussion on this not included here.

Thinking about the general idea of a slow burn Jack bullying scenario and I’m thinking what about this happening in an AU where Izzy doesn’t make a deal with Chauncey, so he’s just at the Republic bitching. Jack, recently mutinied against, hears it and decides this is a great opportunity for him to get himself a new ship. His plan is to leverage his friendship with Blackbeard to get on the ship and people liking him, then slowly drive a wedge between Stede & Ed and work to bully and isolate Stede until Stede either leaves of his own accord or Jack can get the crew to mutiny and make him captain instead. So Stede responds to Jack’s bullying by removing himself from the situation, as we see. But Ed, spurred on by Jack, reads this as Stede wanting to pull away from and reject Ed, which in turn leads Ed to leaning more on Jack for support, which leads Stede to feeling unwanted and further self-isolating in a vicious cycle.

(Extra shout out to adickaboutspoons for asking the key question here about whether Jack would be trying to do this as fast as possible before his brand of jackassery wore thin or if he would be doing it slow roll)

The real slow roll option though… like that could be really insidious if Jack maybe came aboard and was all like oh yeah, I’ve mellowed out some too. And he was presenting himself as the carefree have fun guy without going full on frat bro to the point where maybe there are moments where Stede is doubting himself, like is he really as bad as I think or am I the problem. That could be really interesting, though you would have to be careful that Jack still felt like Jack."

Oh, you know what I’d love from a slow roll Jack scenario? Okay so Jack is doing his whole thing, being passive aggressive and slowly isolating Stede from everyone. And of course he’s concentrating on building a wedge between Ed & Stede, and he also identifies Lucius early on as someone who is both closer to Stede and generally more socially intelligent so Jack focuses in really hard on him too. Olu maybe would have picked up on Jack’s ill intentions, but he’s too in his own feelings about Jim being gone at the moment. So Stede is growing increasingly isolated and while sometimes he is very confident in his assessment of Jack as a bully and an asshole and all around not nice person, at other times he really doubts himself. Like, maybe I’m the problem, maybe it really is me who is always the problem, maybe there’s something fundamentally wrong with me so I don’t fit in anywhere. And then Frenchie, who can come off as a superstitious idiot, who can get just as stupid and rowdy as the rest of them, who Jack wasn’t particularly worried about, who knows exactly what these kinds of people are like and once scammed an entire boat-full of them on the fly, Frenchie comes into Stede’s quarters like “Captain, I uh, I have some concerns.” Frenchie-Stede team up! Well, first we have the conversation where Stede gets to be just overwhelmingly relieved to have all his feelings about Jack be validated by someone else. He probably cries a little tbh. But then team up, they are going to concoct a devious scheme to expose Jack for the terrible person he truly is in front of everyone.

Stede tells everyone he’s planning a surprise party for Jack because he just feels so bad about how rude he’s been, and he’s even been working with Frenchie to come up with some new songs for it! So right before when the “party” is supposed to happen, Stede makes a big show about asking Jack for a private word in his quarters implying he wants to apologize and bury the hatchet. And of course all the crew think this is prelude to the party, so they encourage Jack to go and Jack is left with no other option. As soon as they leave, Frenchie leads everyone down to the jam room or wherever they’ve supposedly set up for the party. And then he tells everyone to be quiet, get ready for the surprise, and he pops open a panel in the wall. And echoing down the secret passageway, we can hear the sounds of Jack admitting to everything. (And of course in the wake of the confession, right after Jack throws the most slur-laden insult he can come up with at Stede, the entire crew burst out of the other end of the secret passage with Ed at the lead, fire in his eyes and demanding to know what the fuck is going on here, Jack.)

[herofics]

Hello, hello! I saw your recent post about Hawks comforting a suicidal reader, and I got curious with other writing prompts you made. Little did I know, I would grow to love it very much! I'll definitely read more of your posts in my spare time, thank you for making these!

Anyways, I hope I didn't catch you in a bad time. IF, and only IF you're feeling up to it, I'd like to request a Hawks x female reader who has AWFUL social skills and stutters a lot. It's not that she has anxiety, but it happens too often to the point people sometimes misunderstand her. Nonetheless, she tries REALLY hard to communicate with people, especially with Hawks. Little did anyone know, she has a passion for drawing! One day, the reader decided to finally confess her feelings to Hawks; however, there's a twist. The reader was never really good with words in the first place. Instead, she decided to give him a sketchbook filled with little sketches, paintings and complete drawings of him, the reader, or together, with a bit of aesthetic shtick going on (old timey newspapers, Latin quotes in papyrus, colorful pressed flowers, you know, those kinds of dark/light academia aesthetics you see everywhere). To add the cherry on top, a note on top of the sketchbook says, "You are the walking embodiment of the quote, 'What if I fall? But darling, what if you fly?' Thank you for inspiring me to be bolder and for being with me. I love and appreciate you, Chicken Feet."

I'm not sure if this idea had been done, but don't feel pressured to do it whether or not it has been written down. Again, thank you very much, and I wish you the best day!

Have a Chikim Kigs for all your troubles ^^

Sounds very familiar tbh, I’m super awkward and anxious socially, and I absolutely suck at talking to people. When I really need to tell someone something, I write it down and send it to them as a message, because I suck at talking. I think this is a really cute idea and I hope I did it justice. I have a masterlist in the pinned post where you can find all my stuff categorized by character. I hope you have a great day, I’m certainly having a good one :D

•You’re not very good with talking to people, but you do really try

•People still seem to misunderstand you a lot, and sometimes they even get irritated at you

•Sometimes people just don’t even make the effort to understand, but Hawks does

•He’s very patient with you and if he feels like he’s maybe misunderstanding you, he asks more questions to make sure and the situation usually resolves itself like that

•You and Hawks have been friends for a while now, and you’ve fallen for him pretty hard

•You’re not at all sure if he would return your feelings, he’s always been pretty hard to read and not just for you

•Hawks doesn’t really reveal much about himself, even to the people closest to him, but he does feel really safe and relaxed with you

•You started working on your little sketchbook project about a month before you gave it to Hawks

•It was a fun project but when you finally decided it was ready and you wanted to give it to him, you were super nervous

•You didn’t know how he was going to react, but you knew that if he was going to reject your feelings, he was going to do it kindly, that’s just the kind of person he is

•Hawks came over to your place since you were going to go to lunch from there

•You seemed really nervous for some reason, which he picked up on immediately

•So of course he asked you if something was wrong, and you just handed him the sketchbook and requested he would take a look at it

•He started flipping through it and you could see his pupils getting bigger with each page, like cat’s eyes do

•He was also smiling like a total dork, because he was so happy

•You felt a wave of relief wash over you as he flipped through it and he seemed to be very happy with what he was seeing

•Hawks had been super nervous about telling you how he felt, because he didn’t really know if you would return his feelings

•Your lack of social skills make you a bit hard for him to read, but he did have an inkling about you maybe liking him back

•When he got to the end of the sketchbook, he saw your little text bit with the “Thank you for inspiring me to be bolder and for being with me. I love and appreciate you, chicken feet”

•He suddenly hugged you were tightly and whispered in your ear “I love you too, dove”

•You felt all the nervousness leave your body as he said that and you hugged him back after you got over the initial shock

•You were so happy he returned your feelings and also that he liked your way of confessing to him

•Hawks is over the moon and the two of you also go through the sketchbook together because he wants to know how you made it

[crispy-bonnie]

I hit you with the wombo combo my guy

- Platonic headcanons for Rust and Duke???

- UH, YES PLEASE?????

- So Reader is like, young, like 20-something

- And they're very nice/friendly, and fluffy :>

- They get along well with everyone, including Rust/Duke

- And it's pretty clear Reader thinks of him as a father figure (though they would never say it)

- As in, Duke/Rust are sort of aware of it

- And at one point, the gang are watching a movie very late at night, and Reader falls asleep first

- (You know, if this was a sleepover, Reader would be having brain surgery now)

- Okay anyway, Rust/Duke pick them up and put them to sleep (that sounds threatening)

- Rust/Duke is like 'Goodnight'

- And reader is like 'Gn dad ¦]'

- IDK I JUST NEED A FATHER FIGURE (FROM A GAME) PLEASE

cries in fatherless too also this is my first time writing rust so it’s probably gonna be shitty lol

Fatherly HCs - RUST + DUKE

Rust

Is quite confused on how you saw him of all people to be a father figure but he rolls with it anyway

At first he’s not one to do much? You’d usually be the one initiating and leading conversations with him

But at some point he ends up warming up to you. Specifically the point where you started expressing your interest in his bike/biker fashion

If you’re up for it, he’ll take you on joyrides with him and pass by all the scenic routes of D.C.

Teaches you all the little things about bikes and how to take care of them

At some point, Rust even teaches you how to ride one!

If you get the hang of riding it, he’ll force his bike repairman to make a bike tailored just for you [favorite color, seat material, even special decorations]

If you don’t, he’ll opt to get you a leather jacket instead with your name and a symbol representing you on it

The two of you don’t talk too much aside from joyrides and other bike riding shit. If you happen to bump into each other in the morning then you’d probably have a chat over some coffee

Now if someone were to hurt you, physically or emotionally, you’ll probably find the perp’s corpse mangled and ran over

He’d just casually say he took care of some personal business

Despite the lack of conversation between you two, he cares for you deeply.

If you do something like fall asleep on the couch or somewhere uncomfy, he’ll carry you to somewhere comfortable and drape a blanket over you like fjwbfhwbdb

He’s pretty chill with you calling him ‘dad��� or ‘pops’. It makes him feel like he’s got something to live for…aside from his bike

Overall, he’s a sweet and chill guy. He won’t say it verbally, but he loves ya /p

Duke

Like Rust, he also finds it confusing because like- he thinks of himself as anything but fit to be a father figure because he's so caught up in all this ancient history shit lmao

He doesn't necessarily warm up to the role, but he also doesn't reject it either. He kinda just accepts it

You and Duke like to have random and long talks about artifacts that he managed to get his hands on or spot somewhere in a museum

He'll be like holding back tears [/pos] if you manage to recite some history facts to him

You'd be ranting on about it to Sydney and Duke in the background would be like "I'm so proud of that kiddo" while trying not to cry lmao

Takes you to the museum often so that you two can check out some cool artifacts, maybe even steal some later during a heist. He also often offers to get you ice cream afterwards so that the two of you can discuss what you saw without disturbing the peace in the museum

He won't express his affection physically nor verbally, but rather through a more protecitve demeanor

If anyone gets a scratch on you, whether it be a teammate, civilian, or cop, he'll be downing whisky and absolutely torching them with dragon's breath rounds

Duke would def be one of those proud father figures tbh. Again, not verbal or physical about it, but it shows.

[ravenkinnie]

oh of course! I don’t think my question I too personal but it felt weird to just drop it on you without making sure it’s ok. Of course that doesn’t mean you have to reply. Please just ignore this if you think it is too personal. You are the only other person I „know“ with bpd and you always seem honest so I thought maybe you’d have some perspective on this.

So I have a new partner and they have bpd. We are really open about it and they taught me a lot. Recently they have been asking me a lot if I still love them and told me they have been feeling very insecure even when they logically know my feelings won’t just change overnight. They told me to look up „fp“ and how that was the intensity of attachment they had towards me. Now I really fell down a rabbit hole with this (especially on tik tok) and there are some people (with bpd themselves) who suggest people shouldn’t „feed“ this sort of attachment too much. Not ignoring the other person or rejecting them but setting clear boundaries and not reassuring them every single time. They said in the long run this would help them detach themselves again so they become more rational and less likely to act impulsively.

Ive talked to my partner about this and they said it sounds reasonable but difficult to handle for them as well. In the end we decided as long as we communicate openly it would all be ok.

Now that was like a month ago and lately my partner has become really detached. They won’t talk to me and when I caught them crying they told me to leave them alone. Now I know it’s not cool but I asked their friend if they knew what was wrong and they just said my partner has been feeling like it’s hard to maintain our relationship lately. Basically as I understand it they don’t feel loved enough but they also know those feelings aren’t rational and feel guilty about them.

Now of course you aren’t a therapist and my question isn’t really about this situation because that’s between me and my partner but all of this just made me wonder if there even is a universal way to support someone with bpd. I absolutely love them but more often than not it feels like both trying to connect more and keeping my distance is hurting them. And it’s starting to hurt me as well.

How do you as someone with bpd feel about the balance between closeness and detachment? Can it really work to try and „make them“ love you less so they can more easily handle a close connection in the long run?

Im sure of course there isn’t a one answer fits all but sometimes I feel like no matter how much I read about it I don’t quite understand how bpd affects the way people think and feel.

Im sorry again if this too personal and too much. Regardless of if you answer or not I hope you’ll have a nice weekend :)

tbh there's no general answer to this, people are just different. everyone experiences different parts of bpd differently and the way they navigate these things in relationships will differ. the thing about bpd attachments is that they are just not stable lmao and that makes forming relationships v hard because it feels like you can't control those emotions. I've experienced splitting in relationships before and it's a very difficult and crazy thing to experience and explain because you know its not rational but that doesn't mean that you can stop feeling these things. and honestly maybe it's controversial to say but there's a point where you have to accept that maybe recovery means not being in relationships like this for a while - not not forming connections at all but maybe not committed relationships like this because you need to reach a point of recovery where you can handle these things by yourself to some extent before you can learn to handle it with a partner.

now I'm not a bitch to be telling people whether that's something they should do because I've been in relationships continuously since I was 19 so I'm not the brightest example hshshsjsk but personally, one thing I learned is that you can't form a healthy attachment in a relationship until you can learn that you can be okay by yourself, whatever that looks like. I think it can look like a detachment but I think of it more like independence that allows you to rationalise those bpd feelings because you can handle that fear of abandonment better.

that's why I also don't like framing bpd as loving too much or sth, like forming this independence is not loving less, I don't love my girlfriend less now than I loved someone before her just because I feel more like my own person in our relationship and set boundaries that don't rely on needing to be dependent anymore. if you want to work on a healthy relationship despite issues that will pop up because having a disorder that fucks you over constantly will create friction, you need to work on your own identity and separate stable personhood too on top of emotional regulation that helps with mitigating issues related to splitting etc

[atopearth]

White Album 2 Part 5 - Mari Kazaoka Route

Time for the hot older woman, Mari! Well, she's not that much older but she's very smart and capable. I like her but I don't really like how she's basically smitten with Haruki already lol. Mari hitting homeruns in a mini skirt was very hot lmao, nice CG indeed. Sawako seems pretty nice and fun, she definitely knows how interested Mari is in Haruki. Mari is actually so cute lol, very sweet too. I like how understanding she was towards Haruki's weird situation but couldn't take it anymore and had to ask him what happened after seeing how sad he stayed the whole time lol. I'm enjoying seeing Haruki being the one that feels 'played' for once lol, it's hilarious how desperately he wants to talk to Mari, but it's also really cute how Mari is agonising over how much she wants to talk to him too haha. It's crazy that the workaholics at Haruki's workplace are telling him to leave and stop working. I can't believe he hasn't slept for a week, this guy seriously wants to kill himself. I'm glad Mari told him off, but I'm not sure Haruki really understands how much he's really destroying himself.

Well, that was unexpected! It was obvious something would happen since Mari took Haruki back to her house but omggg when he grabbed her, accidentally causing her to fall over and then he legit proceeded to touch her and then basically came all over her LOL, wow, Haruki, what a guy. At least he realised how extremely inappropriate that was and was even ready to take himself to the police. He's lucky that Mari is kind, naive, forgiving and in love with him lol. Anyway, that was wild, and it seemed like the only thing stopping Mari from letting him go all the way at that moment was because she didn't want any chance of becoming pregnant which is very understandable. Who could possibly reject Mari after she says she started taking contraceptive pills after Haruki asked her if he could talk to her alone?! Like dang woman, you really want him lol. I mean, you go girl, get what you want but dang you’re thirsty girl lol! Mari is definitely adorable but damn lol, she's going all in when technically she really doesn't know much about Haruki and whatever his situation is. 

Honestly, it's really sad to see Setsuna try so hard to avoid Haruki because she knows he only wants to meet up with her to end their "relationship". Usually, I would hate it because they really need to face each other properly, but considering how much Haruki has been avoiding her all these years, Setsuna has the right to avoid him especially since it's right before exams and she's probably under lots of stress from all sides of her life. I can understand Haruki wanting to please both Mari whilst not breaking his promise with Setsuna again but he really should have understood that there was no way he would be able to make time for Mari. His relationship with Setsuna has gone on for so long and through so many things, I can't imagine it and their meeting all ending in a mere 2 hours. Anyway, I didn't expect Mari to be so crazy to destroy her apartment tbh. Otherwise, she's really crazy to even think about giving up such a good opportunity in her career for a guy she's only been with for a while like are you nuts???! The workaholic giving up on her dream for a guy? They weren't even dating! Totally not worth it. Although I know what kind of resolve Haruki must have to let go of Setsuna for Mari, I'm definitely on Mari's side because I would feel like an idiot this whole time as well after hearing all that.

Maybe it's because I've never truly been in love with someone but I find it so silly that Mari has decided to not fall in love for the next five years because of Haruki?? And honestly, I'm not the biggest fan of Haruki but that's not his problem😅 Yeah, he hurt her and he sucks, but this is her choice. Whether she ends up finding love when she's over 30 or not is something she has to take action towards herself. If everyone took a five year break from love after getting hurt, we'd become the elderly. And I understand that for Asian countries and for Japan, over 25 is "old" for a woman, basically a leftover Christmas cake to them, but I find it saddening that this route and Sawako makes it seem like women should give up on their careers and dreams because they have to choose love now or their time will run out and they'll never be able to find another guy "in time". Time can "run out" for your career too, you know? But whatever, love is always the most important thing in life apparently because everyone "needs" a partner to live with for the rest of their lives. And honestly, even though Mari is cute, I actually do "hate" how "weak" the story makes her in order to accept Haruki. Yeah, maybe some people are just super weak when it comes to love even if they are strong at work, but at the same time I find it so so silly, maybe it's because I'm old lol. Honestly, Setsuna is so pitiful sometimes that I don't know whether I should keep feeling sorry for or to tell her to have more self-respect for herself. I'd say I'm more inclined to go with the latter because you should never lose yourself as a person, because if you do and decide to rely on another person to give your existence meaning, then the moment they're gone, you won't feel like living anymore because you've lost the only thing that supported your existence. I'm glad that Haruki finally did what he should have done ages ago. I'm glad that when Setsuna started running away again, he decided to face reality with her. Obviously it was because he had no choice but to choose now, but still, at least it's resolved now even if it breaks everyone's hearts. I am also very happy that he ended up chasing Mari by reaching her in New York because I was like, even if he makes it before her flight, how would he even have time to talk to her lol. Now, they can talk as much as they want. The only thing is... realistically how will their relationship end up? I guess that's something for them to figure out lol. Does Haruki know English? Can he even work? Is he on a visa? Haha, I guess we really shouldn't think realistically and should just go with the flow.

Overall, I'd say Mari was the girl I was most interested in, but her route ended up falling pretty flat, sadly. It felt like the typical older workaholic woman who is actually very innocent and cute discovering how important love can be in their life. Honestly, the biggest problem for me was that I couldn't feel any love between them. At least when it came to Koharu, you could see why she liked Haruki so much and how painful it was for her, and for Chiaki, you could see how interested she was in him because she needed him for her play but also because she couldn't help but "lose" herself to this guy who kept meddling in her life. But for Mari, it felt like all they did was have sex but no other proper connection. I couldn't see why Mari would be interested in him other than the fact that they both liked to drown themselves in work, but Haruki did it to escape whereas she actually has a goal so I don't even know how she is attracted to him. As for Haruki, even though I can fathom the idea of him liking her, I can't imagine him abandoning Setsuna for Mari no matter how strained their relationship was. So yeah, even though Mari was cute, and I enjoyed seeing Haruki chase after someone for once, it wasn't a satisfying route at all because it lacked a romance I could relate with. I'm glad Mari didn't give up on her career and stay in Japan though, otherwise I really would have been mad lol! Otherwise, Mari's CGs were very pretty, I think it's her character design and the stockings haha! I swear I have no fetish!

[waivyjellyfish]

Okay, first of all, thanks for the answers and a little insight. It’s very interesting to read. And sorry for making you relive it again. The punishment came from somewhere you didn’t expect. Second of all, thanks for your questions. (Getting ready to throwing lore) I was really glad to answer it. And if you have any more questions, feel free to ask. (<- A lot invented, almost nothing shared. Tearing to pieces.) About spoilers for surprises, I'm okay with it. Usually it even fuels my interest.

------

I'm kind of relying on readers understanding this feeling already, I didn't really know how to put it into words

Tbh I don't remember if I ever had that type of dreams. Maybe a clear separation of fiction and reality does affect that, dunno. But I still have really good imagination, so it's not hard to imagine this feeling. Some things should be left to the imagination of the reader, that much more interesting.

I'm usually more upset by their canon lack of interest in their past and future.

I think canon Es is probably afraid of theit past and future. Like, every time someone distracts them by questions or actions that don't relate to their current status, they either have a headache or they have a panic attack. So probably they need something different that will push them to find the truth, something that will overcome the fear of losing the path laid out for them.

I debated so long on naming specifics about what they saw, whether it was glimpses of your characters or small lines of dialogue... I still hadn't decided if I wanted the dream to be a real memory or just their imagination, though, so I kept it up to interpretation.(Also, I was so afraid of getting something wrong about who they'd be close to or how they'd react in your mind 😭 "he wouldn't fucking say that" fr)

And I think it was a good decision, because it didn’t hit only me, it hit orthers too. Plus, I still haven’t told much about my OC'es, so, yeah, it’s kind of hard to write and read about the characters you don’t know.

I'm always a sucker for the uniform being a symbol of Es' obsession with their role -- putting it on is the same as them putting up an act, even if they don't quite realize it.

Their look is the only thing they can fully control. Without uniform, they’re likely to feel very vulnerable.

As much as I loved the exchange, I wanted the gut-wrenching pain of Es rejecting their family rather than missing them at the very end

They're still playng their role, guard must not show weakness. Otherwise the last support under their feet will collapse and nobody knows whether the ground is far or close.

------

And now, let's answer questions. (rolls up sleeves)

(Warn at once, there will be a lot of nonsense because Dokuro are not humans)

When you picture them, are they wondering about their identity a lot? Would certain things be enough to jog their memory, or do only extreme situations get through to them?

In this case, I'm trying to follow the canon but with some additions from myself, Es prefers not to try to remember what was before, Es doesn’t try to think about what or who they are. It is painful, they can endure pain if the situation demands it, but deliberately burying in memory they does not want, it is unpleasant and scary.

And here we come to Dokuro Es. I decided that even if Es’ memory had been erased (completely, with little or no clue), the body’s memory should have remained, even if not completely. Some habits from the past have remained and sometimes put everyone in a stupor, but. Small pushes for a complete memory recovery is not enough, they can guide the way but stressful situations for this are best. (Although the result was even too extremely stressful. For prisoners.) Es’ full memory will return only at the moment of complete brain rebuild, when the body seeks to return to its original normal state. The Slimes are in a constantly regenerating state. No idea how but the Milgram was able to interrupt brain regeneration and erase Es’s memory, probably put some kind of stopper in their brain. So the easiest way to get rid of this will be to dissect the head in pieces and rebuild it again, already without obstacles in the head.

So uh, I guess, what would they dream about if it were 100% accurate to their real family? I also thought about making the dream a vision sent from them to communicate a message -- is this something that a family member could/would do? And which relative is Es closest to? I've heard you talk more about their father, but I wasn't sure if that necessarily meant they were the closest. (I wanted to make a more specific parallel with one of the prisoners. I'd pair them with Amane if they were close with their father, Haruka if it was their mother, Mikoto if it was a sibling. Since I wasn't sure, I thought Haruka was a safe bet.)

If it was about Dokuro. Probably food. Lunch with the whole family or something. Maybe a picnic. For some reason my Dokuro Es, pays a lot of attention to food, so. Or small flashes of a variety of the brightest memories. Like the first memory about the father. A sleep on the warm parquet smelling like the sun in the living room. The first harvesting with the family in the garden. No specifics, no faces, no names, just old feelings and memories. The message also can take place, (ideas for this I already had, but not through dreams) 35-th is an incubus, which means he can get into dreams. Although that would still require tracking Es’ location first. Hmm. of the six characters (counting the dead mother) I would probably say that the character closest to Es is Kern. Kern is Es’ familiar, practically their right-hand. They’re the same age and have been growing up together since they were babies, so they’re consider each other like syblings. 35-th is of course Es' father, but he’s always busy or on work-trips. Ka-Lun is too old for this, he can be the babysitter or granddad but not the close friend. Vaioleth and Seth has their own family.

I wonder what could actually drive them to the point of doing something dangerous in the name of getting memories back, or would they always be accepting of the situation, given their personality?

It think. If canonical Es probably would try as long as possible to not think about it as much as possible. Or at least try to walk cautiously through their own memories. Probably they're give up later.

Then Dokuro Es would fully trust their instincts embedded inside. Since Dokuro work for Irminsul, they train to solve a lot of scenarios as watchmakers almost from early childhood. So many of the solutions are almost engraved in their heads and hearts. The main thing to be able to at least use it. But do not stop until all solutions are tried. + In addition to the fact that Es received slime genes, this also adds to the usual scenarios many reckless scenarios, because for slimes it’s harder to die than for many other races.

So...

Slowly, thoughtfully, and with possible failure. vs Quick, clear, but with risk for life.

-----

Phew, I'm done. And again thank you for your questions.

Okay, kyanako said that I can ask for a director's commentary on the fic you wrote for me.

Is there anything you’d like to share about writing this fic? Any thoughts during the writing? Maybe any questions for me?

Not you too 😭😭😭 Haha, but thank you for the option to ask you questions, because I actually do have a few! My normal commentary is in pink, but I put questions in blue :) Some of them are specifics about your characters, but I also just want to hear your takes on writing Es 👀 I don't write them super often, so I'm curious how you characterize them...

Es clutched at their head. Their fingers tore through their hair. It was the middle of the night, so they resisted the urge to shout. They didn’t want to draw any attention to themself. If they remained completely silent, though, they wouldn’t need to refrain from crying.

And so they cried.

I wanted to start off right away by setting the theme of Es experiencing the typical pain of a child in their position, but refusing to be treated like the are.

You see, there is only one sensation worse than waking up from an awful dream: waking up from a very, very, good one. 

I'm kind of relying on readers understanding this feeling already, I didn't really know how to put it into words 😅 (Is this common for people?) It's happened to me several times, and it genuinely can hit harder than a nightmare.

Es had grown accustomed to the nightmares that Milgram produced. In these dreams, Es might take the place of the prisoners. Their stomach would twist with horror at the blood on their hands. Other times, they found themselves in the victim’s shoes. They’d wake in a cold sweat, feeling hands closing around their throat, or weapons swung at their temple. 

I feel like a lot of fics (rightfully) focus on all the messed up things Es experiences on a daily basis, like this. I'm usually more upset by their canon lack of interest in their past and future. Their refusal to miss/hope for anything better is really what hurts me, and it took a while to figure out what may push them to the point of finally acknowledging it. I thought a dream was a good start. When you picture them, are they wondering about their identity a lot? Would certain things be enough to jog their memory, or do only extreme situations get through to them?

But they weren’t prepared for a dream of absolute peace. They were happy. They were laughing. There were people nearby, smiling. It was all emotion and no detail – not a single face, place, or voice, was clear – but they knew for sure what the dream had consisted of.

Es was with their family. 

I debated so long on naming specifics about what they saw, whether it was glimpses of your characters or small lines of dialogue... I still hadn't decided if I wanted the dream to be a real memory or just their imagination, though, so I kept it up to interpretation. (Also, I was so afraid of getting something wrong about who they'd be close to or how they'd react in your mind 😭 "he wouldn't fucking say that" fr). In an early draft of this, Es had fallen asleep while cataloguing the prisoners' family members, and dreamed that they were a part of some of those families. It wasn't as effective as I'd hoped, so I got right to the point and made it their own family here.

So uh, I guess, what would they dream about if it were 100% accurate to their real family? I also thought about making the dream a vision sent from them to communicate a message -- is this something that a family member could/would do? And which relative is Es closest to? I've heard you talk more about their father, but I wasn't sure if that necessarily meant they were the closest. (I wanted to make a more specific parallel with one of the prisoners. I'd pair them with Amane if they were close with their father, Haruka if it was their mother, Mikoto if it was a sibling. Since I wasn't sure, I thought Haruka was a safe bet.)

They choked out another sob. 

For the longest time, they wondered if they even had a past to remember. But that was all foolishness – Milgram was in the business of judging humans, not creating them out of thin air. They’d tried asking Jackalope, once. He turned out just as cryptic as some of the prisoners in their interrogations. Another time, they had considered using the prison’s mysterious machine on themself. There was no way to operate it alone, though. And when it came down to it, they were always alone.

Yeah. So. I made myself upset realizing the isolation Es feels :((( They're at Jackalope's mercy as much as the prisoners are, but they can never truly bond with the others over it. They're different from the prisoners, but they don't even have that much power over them (only responsibility). I thought about including an actual attempt to use the machine without someone watching over them, and what a risk that would be. It ended up taking the story way off-focus, but I wonder what could actually drive them to the point of doing something dangerous in the name of getting memories back, or would they always be accepting of the situation, given their personality?

They curled themself tight, dragging the bedsheets with them. Usually when they wondered about their past, mere curiosity washed over them. Now, they were flooded with an entirely new type of longing. It filled their chest. No, that wasn't it. Rather, the feeling left a wide hole through them.

I'm glad you thought the curling up was cute ;--; I just wanted the reader to remember how young and small they are ;----; I was sad writing this and needed everyone to remember along with me 😭

If they did have a family, had Es been stolen away? Could there be someone else out there right now, crying in the middle of the night, just as hard as Es was crying for them? The thought was not comforting.

Or, like Es, had they forgotten all traces of their connection? That possibility also did more harm than good.

Es tried to reassure themself – if this family hadn’t come looking for them, maybe it meant they weren't wanted in the first place. Maybe Es had been willingly turned over to Milgram, their parents glad to be rid of them.

That thought didn't help at all.

I had a lot of fun evilly choosing the most painful possibilities for Es to consider >:3 (<- SHE'S LYING SHE MADE HERSELF CRY). The uncertainty would hurt any any reader, but as my target, I hoped to pinpoint some exact things you'd mentioned in the past. I was picturing the art of Es' father hunting Milgram down, and some of your comments about them remembering and missing Es.

Something clattered out in the corridor. That must have been what woke them. They rose from bed, ready to raise hell. How dare one of the prisoners rip them from such a dream. Es could never return. The offender would pay for this. 

It took only a moment to put on their uniform and wipe the tears from their cheeks. They swung the door open to find Haruka stumbling down the hall. 

I'm always a sucker for the uniform being a symbol of Es' obsession with their role -- putting it on is the same as them putting up an act, even if they don't quite realize it.

“Prisoner number one, what the –” they grabbed his arm. Only then did they notice the dazed look in his eyes. His body flinched, waking from what must have been sleepwalking.

“Ah! W-warden!” He blinked, his mind still stuck somewhere else. “I’m s-sorry! What, ah… I was dreaming... She was – she was right here…”

After this part I tried ending the drabble with Haruka saying, "I was dreaming," and Es replying bitterly, "me too." Haruka then says, "it was about my family," and much quieter, Es repeats "me too." As much as I loved the exchange, I wanted the gut-wrenching pain of Es rejecting their family rather than missing them at the very end 😎👍

Es took a measured breath. They steeled their expression. There would be no unleashing hell tonight. They had lost sight of their role. They had gotten distracted with childish emotions and silly dreams. They were Milgram’s warden, not some kid like Haruka who wandered around the prison late at night looking for his mama. 

Es adjusted the hat over their hair. It was good, they told themself, that they couldn't remember a thing from the dream. They didn't need any of those people. They were perfectly fine on their own. Such a distraction would not happen again.

I had to mention the uniform hat again because I'm just too obsessed with the symbolism asdfsdfs. And yeah, like you said, all of this was an attempt to convince themself. They don't really believe it, but they have to make themself believe it, or else they'll be in even more pain...

“Let’s get you back to bed.”

“But, my p-parents, they were–”

“They’re not here. Nobody is. Back to your cell, prisoner.”

Of course "they're not here" is reflecting Es and Haruka both missing their parents, but I hoped the last line would also continue the parallels between them -- at the end of the night, Es is a prisoner here too :(