#tbh all i needed from this ending was a way to turn the crucible on and then let my accumulated war assets decide if i lived or not

[revvethasmythh]

i am actually still thinking about the strange translucent child telling me the reapers aren't waging war because "a fire doesn't wage war when it burns" or something like that and it's like okay yes we don't blame fire for doing what it does (burning) but we absolutely, 100% do get firefighters on the scene to put the fire out. because it's hurting people. like i get what you're saying, but we absolutely do put fires out when they hurt people, that is thing that we very much do

[bigskydreaming]

X of Swords continues to at least be a lot more interesting than most crossover events Marvel’s done in the last twenty years, but we’ll see if that holds up, lol. Though I gotta admit a lot of the worldbuilding they’ve done is intriguing as hell, and they’ve breathed more life into Apocalypse’s character in less than a year than he’s had pretty much since his inception. And tbh, the X book I really want to read now is just like, a book set in Arakko at any point over these last five thousand years....or in particular, the twenty year war at some point in the last couple centuries, when Genesis raised a new army to take the war directly to Amenth. 

Like the parallels to Krakoa with what looks to be like the Arakkoan version of the Quiet Council really make it seem like Apocalypse hasn’t just been scheming to create the External Gate to transport all of Krakoa and everyone on it to Otherworld to join the war against Amenth.....but it also makes it seem like he’s been subtly shaping Krakoan society itself into a mirror image of what Okkaran society - and thus Arakkoan society - use to look and function like. And given that we know that Krakoa itself also wants to be reunited with its missing half and thus seems to be kinda allied with Apocalypse or at least steering things in the same direction itself.....and given the ways that Krakoa has been shown to be able to psychically influence mutants that live on it, like Kwannon found out in Fallen Angels.....this could go a looooooong way to explaining the more disturbing elements of Krakoan society we’ve seen thus far, like the Crucible. We’ve all been assuming that the darker aspects of it have something to do with Xavier’s manipulations.....but its possible and even likely that it really is Krakoa itself, working towards Apocalypse’s end goal of forging the Krakoan nation into an army to join with the Arakkoans.

I have a feeling that ultimately X of Swords is going to end with Krakoa and Akkaro united against Amenth, and in the aftermath, most or at least some of the survivors of Akkaro are going to return to the main Marvel plane, meaning Krakoan society moving forward will be some kind of blend between the two societies with a lot of stories about or defined by their attempts to find some balance between the two that works for everyone. With Krakoans, thanks to resurrection, likely vastly outnumbering the survivors of Arrako....but the latter having five thousand years of history as a society themselves, compared to the newness of Krakoa.

But anyway, the idea of Apocalypse as the lone survivor of a lost mutant nation that includes his wife and children, and that everything he’s done over the millennia since then has been to forge a new mutant army strong enough to descend into Otherworld and rescue and reunite with his original family and people, is like...vastly more interesting than “only the strongest should survive for no other reason than I predicted social Darwinism and decided to be obsessed with it just cuz I’m immortal and needed a hobby.”

And its not just Genesis and the original Horsemen that I’m intrigued by....one of the characters I most want to learn more about is Isca the Unbeaten, who apparently was his wife’s sister, as well as the person who forged his sword, Scarab. And the info page about that sword says that it was imbued with “External Sadness”....and since the Externals have always been said to embody a specific concept or emotion, I’m wondering if Isca is actually an External herself, the External of Sadness, and that’s why the blade she forged is said to be imbued with it. 

And if her mutant power is somehow to never lose, even if that means sometimes she just ends up switching sides at just the right time....with it being suggested that her power somehow even compels this of her in some way, like she’s for some reason incapable of fighting what seems to be a losing fight and has to thus switch to the winning team whether she wants to or not....like, I have no idea how that works and thus can’t say how I really feel about it yet, but I can definitely see how it would go with the idea of her embodying Sadness.

Its also been explicitly stated that at least one of the other Swordbearers, the White Sword, is an External himself, with some kind of healing ability and the ability to resurrect his One Hundred Champions every single time they die so they keep battling endlessly.......so I’m wondering what concept he’s supposed to embody himself....is it just Resurrection or is it something else? His sword is apparently called Purity, but is that a reference to his External nature or more just his name for it?

And also, I really want to know how many of the other Externals we’re familiar with are aware of this secret history of mutantkind. Selene’s older than Apocalypse so she has to be aware of this, there’s no way she’d have missed an entire mutant nation thousands of years ago, lol.....so it absolutely makes sense that she was one of the Externals Apocalypse picked to be his allies when they turned on the other Externals and killed them to make the Gate. (Though I’m definitely curious about whether or not this means Selene was ever actually an Okkaran herself....we didn’t see her in any of the flashbacks to that war, but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t there, since the focus was kept on Apocalypse, Genesis and their family). 

But I’m trying to remember how old Gideon is though, because I didn’t think he was old enough to have been alive at the time or to have any kind of stake in Akkaro’s return, as I’m almost positive both Saul and Nicodemus were older than him.....but it could just be that Marvel wanted him kept around since he’s the next most popular/most used External of them, after Selene and Apocalypse themselves. Well, other than Candra. I’m still bummed about her, she was always a way under-utilized villain and I would love to see her mixing it up in all of this. Maybe though since Saturnyne shut the External Gate and all of this is coming to a head without Apocalypse needing to use it after all, there will be no need to keep the dead Externals in crystal form to power it, and so they’ll end up coming back the way they always normally do anyway. Hmm, food for thought.

Anyway, also, cuz the Externals as a concept have always had a big focus on numbers, with it being a thing that there were eight of them (at least in the main Marvel plane), I’m wondering if any of the other Swordbearers, or any of the Horsemen, are also Externals aside from Isca and the White Sword. I feel like Genesis is definitely one herself, and maybe Redroot, since she seemed to be present in those flashbacks, unlike Solem and some of the others? (And what the hell is the deal with that crocodile guy.....they seem to be pretty heavily alluding that his sword is actually sentient and the Swordbearer itself, with the giant crocodile just being an extension of it or something it manipulates into wielding it? Idk).

Lastly.....its not just me, right, and everyone else thinks Genesis is definitely Annihilation at this point? Like, Summoner said she died facing Annihilation in a duel, but Summoner is a lying liar who lies and orchestrated everything to betray Apocalypse and Krakoa to Amenth......and since we know the golden helm of Annihilation or whatever actually IS Annihilation, and is just a spirit that possesses whomever puts it on, and given that Annihilation in all the flashbacks has been talking about testing Genesis specifically, in order to see if she’s ‘strong enough’.....I mean, I’d honestly be pretty shocked at this point if its NOT actually Genesis wearing the helm, with the duel not resulting in her death but rather just Annihilation deciding she was strong enough to host her, and that’s why Arrako seemed to join forces with Amenth....because the leaders of both societies, Genesis and Annihilation, are now one and the same.

.....Saturnyne still sucks though.

[kyluxtrashpit]

K so I said I might write a post about what I wanted from ep 9 and then I ended up doing it. So this is essentially a summary of the movie I would’ve made if someone gave me that ability. It’s not fully fleshed out, but I literally could not stop myself from typing it out once I starting piecing it together lmao

Even though this is my own creation, I still consider this a spoilery post SO WARNING FOR RISE OF SKYWALKER SPOILERS RIGHT HERE

I still think the best thing to do with ep 9 would be to centre it on the FO falling apart instead of ‘oh no daddy palps is back :o’. Truth be told, I’d rewrite TLJ too if I could, but I’m going to try to work within its constraints on this as well as keep some tros stuff intact for the sake of trying to work with it. So here’s the basic plot of what I would’ve liked to see:

Kylo undermining and removing authority from Hux while he focuses on Force stuff. He’s still looking for secrets and holocrons, but there’s no palpatine

Meanwhile the Resistance is working on building up their forces and helping the little people, plus trying to get info to take down the FO

The focus of the Resistance side is them trying to get the strength to face the FO and working together and all that good stuff. Focus more on the small acts of goodness in the galaxy that bring people together and end up with those they help joining the Resistance. That’s where they get their strength

Rey’s story would also be mostly about mastering the Force (and Leia still helps to train her) and the love and family she’s found among the Resistance. She’s still stupidly powerful though. I’d love to make her a Skywalker, but hell, it’d even work if she remained a nobody. TLJ was her crucible; she knows who she is now. She doesn’t need anyone else to tell or write her story for her

Also I really want her to go grey jedi. So maybe she realizes what Luke really meant: it was time for the jedi not truly to end, but to change. To embrace emotion without losing themselves to it. To realize that the only true way to achieve balance is not by staying light in order to defeat the dark, but instead learning to master both and keeping the balance within herself. That way, when the darkness is defeated, it won’t need to rise again: true balance. This would be her growth in the story, to learn how to embrace true balance in the Force

Also Finn’s story is still going to focus on the Stormtroopers (and Jannah can 100% still be there). So he finds Jannah and her team in Act 1, and then in Act 2 they unearth some secrets as to how Stormtroopers are brainwashed. Conditioning can’t be broken out of by will alone; Finn was Force sensitive. But something else happened with Jannah and her company. An idea is born: could they recreate that on a large scale and free them all? That’d be a huge blow to the FO and it would save all those troopers who never had a choice in what to be

Poe’s focus would still be on becoming the leader they need him to be, with lots of fun trio moments. So his wouldn’t actually change that much, but nothing about him being a drug dealer. I’m sure Zori could still be worked in but tbh I didn’t feel she added much to the plot

Rose is there a lot more too and comes along on all their adventures, happy to liberate anyone they can. She’s always been in it for the little people and that’s where she shines

Also Kylo is even more erratic, even more lost. He feels torn apart all over again. He’s not doing well as SL; he thought it would make things clearer, but it didn’t. He’s unstable and feral, focusing on all the wrong things and making bad choices because of it

Near the end of Act 1 of the movie, Hux betrays Kylo in a near deadly fashion, but Kylo manages to escape by the skin of his teeth

The Resistance gets word of a civil war within the FO. It;s Hux’s fleet (the red troopers + newer FO officers) vs Kylo’s fleet (mostly the older imperials who remember Vader + the KOR – you can keep Pryde here too if you want). This is their chance. They can take advantage of the chaos

While Kylo recovers from Hux’s attack, he starts having doubts again. Nothing has felt right since he became SL but what other choice does he have? He can’t go back, can he? He’s not supposed to want to. And even if he did, he’s too far gone to ever be welcomed, even by his own mother. So he continues fighting against Hux, more harried and haunted than ever

This situation degrades quickly. Both sides are getting hits in, but Hux is winning. Worse yet: it’s spilling over and doing collateral damage. Places controlled by the FO are being exploited, even worse atrocities being committed against them in this rapid arms race to superiority

Hell, maybe Hux’s fleet still has those planet-destroying canons like Palps’ fleet cause why not, everyone seems to think SW needs a superweapon in it. Anyway

There’d be more development on the heroes’ side as I detailed above here. Rey helping people and learning to be grey. Finn discovering the secrets of the Stormtrooper program. Poe becoming a leader. Rose comes with them on their journeys. Leia is heard rather than seen for the most part; she’s surviving this time around, but her presence is felt through her messages and dialogue snippets rather than physically being in the scenes. Some of the footage could be used, especially her hug with Rey, but I’d use much less of it

The Resistance knows they have to hurry. Do they have enough people? They have no idea, but they’re gonna try anyway. They have to. And you can still have Lando do basically the same thing; show up, be cool, then go get some more people

I’d like to do more with the KOR too, but tbh I’m not sure how other than just some scenes of them and Kylo doing Ren Stuff (whatever that may be). But there’d definitely be something

Near the end of Act 2, there’s a particularly brutal fight. I’d want Kylo and the KOR on the ground here, doing their shit. It feels kinda cheap to have him almost die again but tros also had 2 death fake outs for Kylo before the actual death so fuck it lmao. He thinks he’s going to win (maybe Hux is even there? Or maybe Phasma is revived? Or even just some fancy trooper akin to FN-2199 or something. Maybe it’s even Force-nullifying tech), but then the last minute he gets his shit wrecked

He’s dying. He reaches out with the Force, violently, affecting everyone. Rey hears it through the shattered bond. Finn even hears it, though faintly. It hits Leia hardest of all

Meanwhile, Kylo sees the ghost of Anakin instead of a vision of Han. Anakin, who knows better than anyone what it is to turn to the dark, but also what it is to turn away from it. The scene would still play out similarly, but not mirror the past scene with Han so much

(Look, I know a lot of people don’t like bendemption, but I think that redemption is always possible as long as it’s written well. And that applies to pretty much any character. TROS just needed more time to develop it, which I am attempting to do here by showing Kylo’s instability at the beginning)

Anakin manages to heal Kylo enough to bring him back from the brink of death, but not fully. I don’t think I want Kylo to toss away his lightsaber, but he still could. Regardless, there’s some sort of symbolic gesture to prove he’s changed his mind

A ship arrives: it’s the Resistance. Finn and Poe are cautious, but Rey doesn’t fear him. She confronts him about this sudden change of heart, but she can feel his sincerity. So she reassures Finn and Poe and they bring him along, though no one is really happy about it. They fix him up

With Kylo’s fleet all but destroyed, Hux is ready to take out the Resistance and everyone who sympathizes. Now perhaps we have a planet the trio had previously visited get destroyed. There’s still an ultimatum from the FO to obey or die. It’s a crackdown. A final act to ensure domination of the galaxy. Hell, you can even still call it the Final Order if you want to

The Resistance now strikes. Lando’s getting more back up, if he can, but they take who they’ve got. Kylo is there and there’s a lot of mistrust (could be played for humour too) but not enough time to get into it. They need to do this or too many will die. If he tries anything, Rey will strike him down and she tells him so. She’s done listening to his attempts to get under her skin

This Kylo is also definitely more Ben (I’m mixed on whether he should just go back to his old name or not so I’m keeping him Kylo for the sake of this summary). There’s guilt, though. A lot of it. You can see it on his face and in what he says. But helping to fix this will be a start. His crimes aren’t forgotten; he wants to make up for them however he can

Also Finnrey happens. They kiss before the fight this time and it’s very cute and romantic

So basically the end fight is Resistance fleet vs FO fleet. Poe is leading the charge. Meanwhile, Finn, Jannah, Rose and company sneak on to try to end FO conditioning. Rey and Kylo also sneak on; they’re going for Hux and the elite troops he uses as guards

Hux is going to have to have Force-nullifying tech of some sort (which I think is extremely underused in the SW universe as a whole btw). But he underestimates what Rey (powerful as fuck) and Kylo (Skywalker) are capable of

I’m not 100% sure how this fight plays out but I think I want Rey and Kylo to take out Hux’s elite troops without being able to use the Force. It’d be a fun struggle to watch and also make the fight much more visceral and difficult for them. But they both know how to fight, so they win

On the other side, Finn, Jannah, and Rose manage to do whatever to free the Stormtroopers from mind control (I’m not sure exactly how this would happen, but it’s star wars, it doesn’t need to make much sense). We get the first stage of a full trooper rebellion. They go after the officers immediately

Outside, Poe is struggling, just like in tros. They might lose this. Even if the landing party wins, there’s just too many of them. Cue Lando bringing a big fleet to help and giving us an epic space battle

Back inside: something exciting happens and it turns into a struggle between Hux’s tech and their combined Force powers. This is how I think it should go:

Kylo gives Rey his Force powers, which knocks him unconscious. Rey now has the power to break through on her own. It shouldn’t be possible. She sends out a concussive blast that knocks Hux back. The ideal here would be Hux being captured and taken in alive to be tried for war crimes, but I know that’s asking too much lmao so

If I can’t have definitively alive Hux: Rey approaches him but the ship makes a buckling noise; her Force powers compromised the structural integrity. Debris falls, obscuring Hux (and probably implying it killed him), and she knows it’s time to run. Kylo also comes to around this moment and follows

(And for real, I’m also okay with Hux dying for sure here, because at least he got to have his day first, but this is fantasy land lmao so I’m just not gonna have it happen as far as that goes)

Finn, Jannah, and Rose lead the stormtroopers onto transports as the ship starts falling apart. Rey and Kylo (and Hux, if I got my way) show up and make it in too. They take off and make it out just as the Finalizer crumples. Everyone lives! (Plus Hux is plausibly still alive even if I can’t have him definitely alive sdkfsdkl)

They call for the fleet to stop; the Stormtroopers on every destroyer are rising up, freed from their shackles. Shot of FO officers tied up and captured as the Stormtroopers, without their helmets, celebrate

A sidenote: I can’t decide whether I want Kylo to have lost his Force powers permanently by giving them to Rey or for him to get them back. I think losing them would be a good act of sacrificial penance, but at the same time, I’m not sure if that’s a thing so lmao. I’m open to possibilities here

End bit would still be a celebration. Rey and Finn and Poe still hug. The Stormtroopers are happy. We can still have that moment with Lando and Jannah; the implication of trying to find where every one of the troopers came from. The FO officers have been imprisoned. Everything is right in the galaxy again

Now there’s one more scene with Kylo: he stands in front of a door, looking pensive, squeezing and unsqueezing his hands into fists. The shot moves to his back and the door opens. You can’t see what’s inside but you hear: “Ben?” followed by a pause, and then a small, broken “Mom.”. He steps inside and starts to fall to his knees. End scene

Now, as a last scene, we could still do Rey having a funeral for Luke on Tatooine and keep the ending shot basically the same except Leia and her saber aren’t there because Leia is alive. Rey could still decide to be a Skywalker if she’s a nobody. The shot of two suns. The End.

[tennyo-elf]

Mass Effect Trilogy Thoughts

I’m ten years late to the party (or 5 years depending on if you start at ME1 or ME3) but I finally finished the Mass Effect Trilogy, thanks to Dragon Age.

Here are my thoughts on the games, the ending, random bits, the romance, etc, etc...

After I played the trilogy I looked around tumblr and found that a lot of people thought the first game was clunky. I, for one, while I know there were kinks (especially regarding dialogue/romance options), loved the first game so much that it’s my favorite of the three games. I played Vanguard and once I got barrier I had so much fun just standing in the middle of fire blasting everything in sight. I hate shooter games because I suck at them, but ME1 allowed me to have fun. The unlimited ammo really was what got me, ‘cause I’m a terrible shot. Of course there was the whole heating thing for your weapon, but I rather have that than, “Oops, out of ammo!”

I didn’t like the battle system for ME2 and the whole working for Cerberus. The characters were pretty awesome, but it took me a bit to learn not to flirt since I wanted to be faithful to Kaidan (I play paragon, so I had to learn to stick to the middle options on the dialogue wheel). ME2 was pretty much my least favorite. I only wish I could have played with Legion more. 

ME3 took the best of ME1 and ME2 and made a great game...up until the ending of course. But seriously, ME3 is great and really fun and I loved just going around doing my Biotic Charge/Nova combo. Yeah, let me just charge a Brute or a Banshee that could literally one shot me and then nova/shotgun/charge them to death before they can kill me. That, to me, is seriously fun! Biotic power ftw!

The ending though. That ending...back before I had even heard of Bioware and was vaguely familiar with the name Dragon Age (I had thought to purchase it back in 2009 but went “Nope, I probably won’t like it” - fuck, how wrong I was...) I heard about the notoriously bad ME3 ending. It was all over the place in my geek sphere. So before I played the trilogy I looked up the ending on the wiki and read about it in articles, and I knew I’d hate it. So, since I’m on PC, I looked up some mods. I never met the star child (or whatever) or had to make a choice and I’m grateful for that. (My Shep always survives because I’m a completionist and I always get all war assets thus my end score is well above what’s needed for everyone to survive.)

First I got the regular MEHEM, played the trilogy, and the ending, with this mod, didn’t feel right. It didn’t satisfy me at all. I needed to redo some things to get the ending I wanted (I accidentally killed Steve Cortez in my first pt, fuck that noise) so I played ME3 a second time and used a new ending mod called JAM. That pt went perfectly. The ending seriously made me happy, and if felt so right! The Extended Ending, plus JAM, plus the Leviathan DLC, allowed me to enjoy the trilogy with no tears (besides for Anderson, Thane, Mordin, and Legion). There was only ONE plot hole with this combo.

The catalyst obviously targeted Reaper technology (in this mod/DLC combo), but the Geth and EDI were integrated with Reaper code. So how did they survive? (You know they survived by the ending slides with the Geth and EDI calling for Shepard when the gang went looking for her.) So I have to head canon an extra side quest after Priority: Rannoch, where the Geth and EDI discuss looking for a firewall against the catalyst energies for their built in Reaper code. Maybe they get it from the Keepers on the Citadel or maybe they create one together. Of course there is worry about the Reapers getting hold of this firewall, blah blah blah, but they keep it on the hush and hush and it works out in the end. I had no issues with the destroy ending where the Citadel and the relays go boom, because it made sense to me, I only worried about EDI and the Geth. (I united the Geth with their Creators, I’m not letting them die!) So I head canon the side quest and they’re safe. 

There is also the nightmares Shepard has about the boy. I also head canon that when she passes out after Anderson dies, she dreams again, and this time, instead of just standing and watching the boy catch fire, she saves him, she takes action, she stands up for herself and doesn’t let her guilt or fears or worries control her. She wakes with a start (and renewed energy/life) and then activates the Crucible/Catalyst. Perfect ending to me, yes, yes. (Watch here!)

As for the continuation of the series, after playing the trilogy I was disappointed that they didn’t continue the story post war with the reapers. I haven’t played Andromeda yet but I understand it’s in a different Galaxy with different problems and I think that was a missed opportunity on Bioware’s part to explore the other themes/consequences of the first trilogy. There is the dark matter/biotics/eezo/mass effect fields topic to explore as well as the fall out of Shepard’s decisions, such as the Krogan population surge, Geth/Qurian alliance, and the Leviathans. Leviathans indoctrination abilities are very concerning. And granted, Mass Effect 3 did hint that the Krogan and Geth Alliance weren’t a threat, it still wasn’t made certain. Personally I like to be able to have a game where you make sure the Krogans and rachni aren’t a threat based on in-game decisions from both the old and new trilogy. Also, I like the new hero to be able to formalize that the Geth/EDI/new AIs aren’t the threat they were made out to be and we can work together (for Destroy or even control ending, synthesis ending would have to focus on how it didn’t solve the real problems/took away freedom from people). Draw parallels from humans who are evil to AIs who go evil too. And everything leading up to the true threat of Leviathan’s trying to take over again and how the team work of species can over come their old oppressors. Just a trilogy about overcoming old thoughts/beliefs/etc. And it doesn’t have to take place immediately after the reaper war either. It could take place after Shepard’s death or when Shepard is very old and retired. I mean, you could make a game like that, it’d just take finesse because of the way they made ME3′s ending. It’d be tricky with the synthesis ending. but it could happen. A can of worms, yet I truly believe with the five years of development they had they could have written something that may piss off some, but ultimately be a continuation of the interesting galaxy/world the first trilogy created.

Okay, random thought here, but regarding the Asari, wouldn’t be it hard to keep their heads/back of their neck clean? So many places for junk to pile up, cleaning their heads must be a bitch. 

Also, this game was annoying with the male gaze, eye candy thing going on. It was everywhere and it never, ever, didn’t annoy the hell out of me. Pulled me out of the story every time I saw it, that’s for sure. I Like Miranda, but with her catsuit you can even see her lips! And I’m not talking about her face lips either!)

Alright, so romances...I went in knowing I was going to romance either Garrus or Kaidan. I didn’t know these characters yet and I saw these two were romanced the most by female Shepards on tumblr, so I figured I couldn’t go wrong with either of them. Playing a paragon Shep, and getting to know Kaidan, the romance for them made sense to me (My Shep is a spacer/war hero). I was highly attracted to his character, morals, and principals. With Garrus, I can see how a renegade Shep would be all over the “fuck rules” bit but with my paragon, if felt more like a mentor/mentee relationship turn best friends type of deal than a romance. Garrus didn’t fit with my Shepard, Liabelle. I did watch a youtube vid of his romance though and he is cute af.

Of course, later, I find out everyone hates Kaidan for Horizon (or being too emotional/whiny...which felt silly to me tbh). I didn’t. Kaidan’s reaction on Horizon made sense for his character and it felt real. My Shep knew Kaidan would react like he did and while it hurt, she didn’t love him less for it. She fell for him for his principals, why would she be upset at Kaidan being Kaidan when it’s Kaidan she fell for? Hurts yes, frustrating yes, but in the end they found their way back to one another and if felt really good. Now I’m a shenko shipper through and through. 

Also loyalty to a fault can be a bad thing, sometimes you need a friend who will call you out on your shit. That’s what Kaidan did/does (though he went a bit overboard with the betrayal line, but that’s him reeling and he apologized for it). So nah, I wasn’t mad or disinterested in Kaidan after Horizon or for the beginning of ME3. I liked his character development and him coming to realize he made a mistake. You can see throughout ME3, once he comes back, how he regrets it. Ugh, the well made angst mixed with the happiness of them being back together does things to me.

In the end, Garrus and kaidan were my squad, they were my boys. I think not having Kaidan in ME2 made my dislike for the game more intense because I didn’t have my boys together. I literally shouted “MY BOYS!!” at my screen while playing ME3 when I could pick Kaidan and Garrus for my team again. It probably helped that they balanced out my Vanguard really well.

As for romanced Kaidan head canons, I will say that while they were biotic rabbits between the sheets, they were still touch and go relationship wise for most of ME3. I don’t think they were at a place in their relationship for a real marriage proposal after they find her post destroy. They definitely need time to just be and I can see that happening during leave or working on the Normandy during non war times. My husband is in the military and I asked about what would happen if they were found out and the military does give people options, either break it off or marry. I figure by the time anyone finds out they’re already engaged. That just means postings, they wouldn’t be able to work together on the Normandy. I can’t figure this one out. A part of me sees Shep retiring, another can’t see her as anything but Captain of the Normandy. Kaidan could go back to teaching, and they could meet up on Earth every shore leave Shep has...but, gah, I still haven’t figured it out yet. I do like the idea of them retiring out by Kaidan’s family’s orchard, going camping, or traveling, having kids, etc.   

Lastly, the only character I dislike is Kai Leng (too one dimensional and an ass, easy to hate). The rest I will hug if I could. And I was sad I couldn’t have a third squad mate. I’d probably pick Tali mostly with the occasionally Liara or Wrex thrown in with Kaidan and Garrus. Also I have a big soft spot for Samara. I also am weird in shipping Javik and Liara (I want them to have Asari babies!!!!...after writing their book ofc), but I think Joker and EDI are cute af and you can pry that ship from dead, cold hands. Ack, and Thane dying hurt but felt inevitable since he had a terminal illness. Mordin’s death felt a bit unnecessary, he needs to be studying seashells gdi!! ALSO WHY BIOWARE, WHY KILL LEGION, WHY!!! Oh, and Kasumi needs to be able to keep the gray box and move on...humph. 

Alright, I may write a small fic for shenko but I might not, IDK yet. All I know is I miss Dragon Age like I’m missing my other heart, so I’m going back to it soon-ish. Will replay this wonderful sci-fi trilogy again though, sometime in the future just not right away. I’ll always prefer my Dragon Age games, but this ride was definitely worth it.

[overthinkingfeathers]

So I finished the main questline of Pillars of Eternity semi-accidentally. By which I mean I finished it 100% on purpose but assumed the game would continue on afterwards, and I could finish DLC and a few outstanding quests. Given that that is not the case, I have reset to a few hours before the end and am finishing up all those other things. But since I did the end, I’m going to talk about it. 

To be totally honest, I didn’t entirely understand the primary religious conflict at the end. I’m hoping the second journey through will clear that up. Because from what I understand, it’s this:  -Lots of people have lots of different religions, wars over this.  -Highly advanced civilization decides they will find the real gods to end all these wars.  -They find there are no gods, decide to literally create some, spread that religion as the one true one.  -Others find out they’re made up, lose that war... and as far as I can tell, everyone in modern times has been successfully converted to that one religion. 

I get why the Watcher is involved in all this. Betraying your lover (in my gamestate, anyway) in a former life is going to weigh on you. (Also, I don’t really know why I didn’t think I’d end up betraying her. I sat at the ‘why did you do it’ screen for the longest time. That was terrible.) I get why the revelation that the gods were created by people are a big deal. I don’t get the insistence that this means they’re not real. Because they didn’t create the world as its known, but they still seem to have the powers of a god. They’re still far beyond the capabilities of mortal people. At this point, they are real. Unless they gain power through worship - and I saw nothing indicating that - suddenly deciding they’re not actually gods doesn’t seem like it’s going to accomplish anything other than pissing them off. 

Which isn’t to say I agree with creating them at all or with spreading that religion (especially given the terrible way they did so), just that I don’t see what good saying they aren’t gods now accomplishes. Spread their true origins, fine, but they’re still super power beings that can bestow boons or kill a shit ton of people, so nothing’s really changed there. Morally it’s a complicated situation, but practically, it... doesn’t really seem like it is? I don’t know. Maybe my brain is just not getting it or I missed something important. 

Assorted other ramblings about my ending: 

I sent the souls back to the Hollowborn, as requested by Hylea and also as I intended to do even before that. 

Gilded Vale is lawless but alive, which is apparently the best ending it can have, sooo... 

Defiance Bay turned out well, with the Crucible Knights reestablishing order, returning to their old ways, Heritage Hill being repopulated (without zombies), and animancy being acquitted. 

Caed Nua is a bastion and beacon of I built everything. This is only getting a point because the wiki lists one of the ending options as, “Caed Nua is kinda rubbish,” and that is my favorite end title description ever. 

Pallegina was banished and joined the Kind Wayfarers. All of her endings seem kinda shitty, tbh. Either she gets banished, she lives in personal disappointment for doing what she believed was wrong, or a war happens. I guess this one was what I’d consider best, but it’s not really happy. 

Hiravais was content. Apparently I pushed him along the route of Wael. I have no real recollection of this, but this is a better ending than ‘fights his way back into his clan then leaves to wander anyway.’ 

Edér became the mayor of Dyrford. Yay Edér. At least one person got a unilaterally happy ending.

I supported Aloth’s whole ‘maybe the evil organization is evil’ revelation and thus he dedicated his life to destroying it. Which is a worthy goal and all, and I’m proud of him, but two out of three of his endings include the line “long and lonely task,” and the other involves him literally killing himself, and Jesus Christ, let my snarky elf friend be happy. 

Kana sucked as an academic but did great as a foreign influence back home, so good for you, Kana. I’m glad I didn’t accidentally crush your spirit or get you killed, because apparently everyone needs a shitty ending possibility. 

The Grieving Mother sat in an abandoned village, peacefully awaiting births that never happened, and uh, that’s awful. I’m hoping my reset is far enough back that I can be like no, I’m sorry, your life will only be fulfilling later if I doom you to terrible memories, so sorry. 

Durance committed suicide. What the fuck. My reset is definitely far enough back to fix that, though the sole alternative is ‘wanders broke and angry, seeking revenge against his goddess,’ so it’s not like he’s going to end up happy. 

Who hurt you, Pillars writers? 

Sagani spent 20 more years before fulfilling her quest, because I suck and completely just missed the Pearlwood Bluffs. Like, I just didn’t scroll down on the map. Sorry, Sagani. At least you didn’t die! That was an option too! 

I already fixed that. I went with family rather than community building, since that seemed to be the way she was personally leaning. 

Apparently the game actually takes into account whether you picked up that baby or not. I had not, but you better believe I have now. Mind you, this is a moderately grey zone, given that I had already poisoned the person trying to kill her, but I’m going to rationalize it as I don’t know how long the poison took, I was just going to take the baby somewhere safe so he couldn’t hurt her, and the only person I could give the baby to forced a fight, so now I have a baby. 

By moderately grey I mean I have to jump through a lot of hoops to pretend this isn’t just a flat out bad thing, but whatever. Apparently Pillars 2 imports your potential baby into your new world state, and I am having a goddamn baby adventuring with me.

Also, I’m not far into the White March, but I would like to note that this game features both accidental baby acquisition and being canonly stuck in a blizzard for 3 days. These are fanfic trope scenarios, and they’re canon. Amazing.

[thepringlesofblood]

callout post for every terrible book an english teacher ever made me read

Note: I was a straight A+ English student. I love reading, and I love reading new books. There are many books that I’ve read in English class that I’ve liked! These are just the ones that fucking sucked and I wish I had never been forced to read them. 

The Girl Who Fell From The Sky

Someone needs to tell Heidi Durrow that making a bunch of bad shit happen to your main character doesn’t automatically make it a good book. it felt like a checklist of plot points rather than a cohesive narrative. The flow was nonexistent - a good book is like a river. Stones, bends, twists, turns.  Reading was just a looking at a pile of wet rocks, vainly hoping that maybe, at some point, one good thing would happen to this character. And I’m a fan of a well-done tragedy! Hamlet? Hadestown? The Odyssey? My shit! this just wasn’t good. 

it’s one of those books that could’ve been great but the author tried to do too much in one space. like at one point the main character gets seriously injured and by the next chapter everyone’s completely forgotten about it. wtf. a million buckwild things happen to this character and they just don’t deal with it at all. there were good parts, and it’s clear that the author’s voice and manner of writing is dope - the little details are gorgeous. but that can’t save it from being Bad. 

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime

 I haven’t seen the musical and can’t judge that. Maybe it’s good. I don’t know. but this fucking book. sucked. ass. I know everyone’s afraid to criticize it because of how it’s written from the POV of a young autistic boy, and tbh his authorial voice is NOT the issue. Honestly, I enjoyed reading about him. the issue with this book is that it’s NOT about him. The whole fucking book focuses on literally every other person in Christopher’s life except him. The whole thing focuses on how much of a burden he is on his caretakers, and how everyone’s sick of dealing with him but too polite to say it, and how he’ll never survive in the ‘real world.’ 

When I read this in 12th grade, before I was officially diagnosed, I felt dirty, sick, and unworthy as a ‘neurotypical’ person, but now that I know for sure that I’m autistic, I’m furious. How dare Mark Haddon write this book that neurodivergent kids in a million english classes will read and see themselves in, and see themselves dismissed and belittled and shamed. Fuck this book for real

My Brother Sam Is Dead

The brother sam starts off the book alive and only dies at the very very end, literally the last sentence. Interesting premise, but incredibly shitty book and does nothing with it. Literally this could be any other bland ass depressing revolutionary war period piece, except that it thinks its clever for pulling this stunt when it does absolutely nothing with it. fucking disgusting

Grapes of Wrath

Now it is important to note that for some godforsaken reason, our teacher decided we only needed to read the interstitial chapters, which are legit just Steinbeck setting the stage for the Real, Actual Plot with extended metaphors and imagery. And some of that imagery is good! but Jesus Christ some of it is bad. Not an overall bad book and I’m not one to judge but sometimes you don’t need to be hammered over the head with the message of industrialism bad farm good

When I Was Puerto Rican

I’m not saying this is a bad book. I’m just saying it emotionally scarred me in so many different ways that I lowkey wish I had never read it. Honestly, I don’t think I’m qualified to speak on its quality, given that it literally made me feel sick. It’s horrifying in so many different ways that it caught me off guard and I really couldn’t tell if there was a story. I think it might be biographical in which case my eternal respect goes out to whoever’s biography it is because they have survived hell after hell. I still have nightmares about the imagery. If the author was going for horror, they succeeded with flying colors. 

Muggy Maggie

this one goes back a while. I was in 2nd grade. We read it out loud every day, everyone taking turns reading. I was one of those ‘gifted kids’ that could read at an 8th grade level in 1st grade, so this short Beverly Cleary book was way below my paygrade, and every day I listened to the rest of the class read it very slowly (of course, I don’t blame these 8 year olds for reading slowly. I blame the curriculum that didn’t let me just sit in the corner and plow through every american girl doll book ever written). Because I had to wait my turn so much, I literally finished this book twice a class period because I didn’t have anything else to do and I wasn’t allowed to read anything else. Everyone in the class was expected to go at the pace of the person reading aloud. I practically memorized the fucking thing. 

Now, you may be saying ‘well that doesn’t have to do with the quality of the book, now does it?’

Because I practically memorized the fucking thing, I am highly qualified to tell you that it is not good. It’s about this girl who doesn’t want to learn cursive because typing on a computer is so much easier. 

I’m not kidding. that’s it. 

Beverly Cleary, I expect so much more from you. 

Plus, I have dysgraphia, which means that I literally can’t handwrite without compromising quality, and I literally can’t write neatly unless I try very hard and slow down a lot. So the moral of the story where she learns to read and write cursive and its this great big thing for her was not my favorite, especially considering I had to take special handwriting classes where cursive was drilled into my brain. 

fuck this book and fuck catholic school. 

Mythology, by Edith Hamilton

how the fuck did you make mythology boring. jesus christ. I’m literally going to be a Classics major and this book bored me out of my mind. 

to end on a more positive note, here’s all the books I loved reading!

The Great Gatsby

Fight Club

Beloved

Mrs. Dalloway

Things Fall Apart

the Odyssey

Hamlet

Macbeth

Daughter of Time

News of the World

The Crucible

My Side of the Mountain

Meet Addy (the american girl doll book we read in 2nd grade - even though I read it twice a day, it never gets old)

Number the Stars

Holes

Swindle

[squidclaws]

All of them from the Q&A!

Lord knows I’ve been wanting to info dump this stuff for ages lmao. Enjoy :’)

1. what’s your favorite musical? I really can’t pick just one, but my top 3 are Phantom of the Opera, Les Mis, and Great Comet of 1812

2. favorite character in your favorite musical? I really like Jean Valjean. He’s a really complex character and he’ll always have a special place in my heart tbh

3. what’s your favorite play? HAMLETTT

4. favorite character in your favorite play? ,,,,,Hamlet

5. what’s your dream role? I have a pretty long list tbh since I’m gonna pursue acting but I’d loooove to play Hamlet in an all-female production. I just....really fucking love Hamlet and I think he’d be so much fun to play. Horatio or Laertes would be rad too. If I can learn to sing I really want to play Christine Daee, Grizzabella, Fantine, Natasha, and Sonya.

6. what’s a role you’d like to play that you’d never be able to? Javert lmao. I love what a passionate villain he is and I wish I could play him :’)

7. do you prefer being behind the scenes or in the spotlight? I was a techie in my senior year of high school, and while I wasn’t very good at it, it was a lot of fun and it’s what got me into theatre. However, I’ve been taking some acting classes and I think I like it a lot better, so I’d say spotlight. plus I'm an attention whore shh

8. do you like hamilton? I can’t really get into it since the music isn't really my style, but I can definitely appreciate the creativity and how unique it is. I would still kill a man to see it tho ngl

9. have you seen hamilton? Nope lol

10. how do you feel about hyped up shows like hamilton, les mis, and rent? Idrc if a show is super hyped up so long as it’s good. There’s some popular shows that I can’t stand cough cough rent and some I’m an absolute hoe for cough cough les mis

11. did you like this year’s tony awards? ‘twas pretty good but Great Comet ABSOLUTELY should have won in my opinion. Dear Evan Hansen has a really mediocre score and Great Comet is just so fucking unique in every aspect, from the score to the design to fucking everything else and huh I'm bitter

12. what award should there be that isn’t? Best ensemble. Appreciate the ensemble kids.

13. what shows have you been in/helped with? I was a knight in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Best show I ever did.

I worked crew for Steel Mongolias and it was really boring imho. No major set changes and it just sounds like a bunch of women making small talk. We had some great inside jokes between the techies come out of it though.

14. have you ever been paid to act onstage or on camera? hoe I wish 

15. do you prefer broadway or west end shows? West End

16. favorite stage actress? Sierra Boggess. Voice of a fuckin angel and will always be my favorite Christine.

17. favorite stage actor? John Owen-Jones. His voice is really appealing to me, and he was in the first Broadway show I ever saw (Les Mis). He played such a great Valjean and I can’t wait to see him in other shows.

18. favorite show currently or recently running? Great Comet of 1812 (not for long though since it’s leaving :’( 

19. what’s your dream #ham4ham (even if you don’t like hamilton)? I’m not actually sure what this is? I don't know shit about hamilton lol

20. who should host the tony’s next year? The Rock. Like...think about it...

21. do you watch broadwaycom backstage vlogs? Yesss I loved Ramin Karimloo’s <3

22. what’s your opinion on movies turned into musicals? There’s some very good ones and some bloody awful ones. Movie musicals are touchy things.

23. do you prefer musical movies or live musicals? Live, 100%.

24. do you have an opinion on american psycho? I’ve never seen it. -shrug-

25. what movie would you want to be turned into a musical? Prince of Egypt would be REALLY FUCKING RAD

26. what role would you like to see your favorite actor play? I would love to see John Owen-Jones as John Proctor in The Crucible <3

27. do you prefer musicals, plays, or operas? Musicals

28. dramatic plays or comedies? It’s a hard pick but...dramatic

29. andrew lloyd webber or stephen sondheim? I was about to say ALW, but then I remembered Love Never Dies.

30. neil patrick harris or james corden? Niel Patrick Harris

31. did james corden do a good job hosting the tony’s (in your opinion)? It was alright, but his constant advertising of his own show really rubbed me the wrong way.

32. create a show mash-up and explain the plot (ex: legally todd = sweeney todd + legally blonde) The Phantom of Chicago: The Phantom starts a strip club in 1920′s Chicago. Chaos.

33. what song always makes you cry? “Memory” is probably the only song that gives me actual tears, idk why. You can see how lonely and desperate for acceptance Grizzabella is and it gets me every time.

34. how do you feel about musicals using other artists’ music? I think it’s kind of lazy, but if you can pull it off then go for it.

35. what celebrity would you like to see on broadway next? Hugh Jackman

36. favorite show you’ve been in? i’ve only been in Monty Python, so

37. would you like to act professionally? yessss

38. television or stage acting? stage

39. what disney movie should be a musical that isn’t? Mulan

40. if you could see one show on broadway or west end, what would it be? Im torn between Les Mis and Phantom tbh

41. what musical should be revived next? Great Comet rip

42. are musical sequels okay? I think the format of a musical just doesn't allow for sequels to work. Musicals are self-contained stories that don't really call for one. It’s just not a good format, which is why Love Never Dies was so bad: Phantom already felt finished, and no one but ALW felt like there was more to be told.

Also, it isn't like a movie where you pay like, 10 bucks to watch a show. Seats can be hella expensive. Audiences don't want to pay that much to see a half-completed story, then find out there’s this sequel they have to shell out even more money to get the full story. It’s just not practical.

43. what musical sequel would you like there to be that isn’t? nope

44. have you ever had a crush on a character from a show? HOO BOY LET ME TELL YA, I have the BIGGEST crush on Hamlet and it’s not going away anytime soon. Idfk why but i’m absolutely in love with him, my mopey little babe.

Marius is a total babe too. So is Raoul.

45. how do you feel about musicals being done live on tv now? I think it’s really interesting! I haven't seen any so i don't have much of an opinion lol

46. did you like grease live? still haven't seen it lol

47. are you excited for hairspray live? I think it came out already? but yea i wanna check it out

48. what show do you desperately want your school/community to do? I NEED MY UNIVERSITY TO DO AN ALL FEMALE HAMLET. PLEASE I JUST WANNA  PLAY HAMLET GOD DAMN IT

49. are you a stronger singer or dancer? pfffft neither

50. would you rather design the set, direct the show, or help with effects? Director, hands down.