#tbh I don’t even know what I would call a red flag

[rosicheeks]

8H & 11H from the celestial asks :)

8H ⇢ what do you consider red flags in a relationship?

Oh boy………. Idk I gotta go to the tags for this one 😂

11H ⇢ describe your friends in 3 words

Few but amazing

[tarot-by-e11e]

PAC: "What do you need to let go of?" (call-out from your guides)

"Once we rid ourselves of the shackles of our own self-imposed limitations, we will be able to soar higher and further than the birds in the sky." - said by me

(reminder: this is for entertainment purposes only. Only take what resonates) Choose with mic will lovingly call you out~

Pile 1:

Pile 1: 8 of Coins, Judgement, 7 of Cups, 3 of Cups

Right off the bat, the first phrase I heard was, “unrealistic high standards”. Oomph. *nervously looking away*

Pile 1, by any chance, are you known as the “resident heartbreaker” in your community because of the trail of broken hearts you leave behind? It’s great to have standards but you need also to remember that nobody’s perfect, not even you dear pile 1.  There’s this journal prompt(?) I’ve encountered before about listing down all the characteristics you want in your ideal partner, then sitting down and reflecting if your ideal would wish to have a partner like you. It’s such a humbling yet eye-opening journal prompt TBH. Don’t expect the best if you won’t show up as the best version of yourself. Like… if you want the best, you have to be the best version of yourself as well.

What you also need to let go of Pile 1 is your hyper-self-awareness. Granted that it’s great knowing what your strengths and weaknesses are but there is such a thing as too much. I heard, “A healthy balance is key” in your case. Sorry for the call out Pile 1 but from the second card as well, your perfectionistic tendencies are slowly making themselves known. You might have these “all-or-nothing” tendencies, like a “black-or-white” mindset sometimes. It seems you have high standards for others and yourself, so you tend to intellectualize your feelings instead of feeling them. Again, apologies for the call-out Pile 1.

The last card feels like a desperation for external validation. Like, you feel you always need someone to impress or win over to feel like you’re good enough. There’s this unworthiness wound that needs to be addressed. Also, chronic people-pleasing tendencies to the point of immediate self-sacrificial tendencies. Pile 1, you need to learn to let go of this unhealthy thirst for external validation. Because the moment you lose your “audience”, you feel lost and listless. You need to remember that you are worthy of love, happiness, and success in life because you exist.

Pile 2:

Pile 2: 2 of Cups, Tower, 10 of Swords, Strength

I’m saying sorry in advance Pile 2 but the first thing I heard was, “You need to learn to be happy alone.” Pile 2 either is the type that can’t stand being single or is a hopeless romantic that has more fictional crushes than actual human relationships. (Apologies to all the romance genre bookworms all over the world). This pile falls under those two categories~

So for the serial daters, it seems that you need to take a bit of a break/pause and assess what do you want in a partner, your non-negotiables and negotiables. You are asked to don’t say to every person that asks you out. Also heard that, don’t date just because you’re bored, lonely, or have a lot of time to spare. Basically, you are called to only get into a relationship for the right reasons.

Now for the hopeless romantic who prefers fictional men to real men, I understand that you might have heard stories or had experiences that made you always choose the bear every single time. Those horror stories are an unfortunate reality for people into men. But I can’t, in my good conscience as having nephews, say that all men are despicable human beings. Granted, not all men but still they’re men. So… what I’m saying here is, that your fictional boyfriends would want you to actually experience happiness through real human interactions too. So yup, keep your guard up to those who wear their red flags with pride, but do try to give a chance to good men out there.

What you also need to let go of Pile 2 is your destructive coping mechanisms whenever you feel triggered by your traumas. Yes, I’m sorry to have it break it to you. You kinda felt this would eventually be mentioned, right? You are aware of your own destructive tendencies when triggered. You are aware that you unintentionally hurt your loved ones whenever they trigger you. And you also know you want to stop hurting people in the process. If therapy is expensive, try searching for somatic exercises and eft tapping. You don’t always have to swallow a pill to get better at managing your anger issues and self-sabotaging tendencies. You just have to give yourself a safe space to be able to honor and validate your feelings/pain/trauma. Treat yourself as gentle and compassionate as possible, like you would a child who’s just learning how to walk and talk.

Lastly, you are called to let go of your arrogance. I’m really sorry for the call-out Pile 2 but the cards have spoken. It’s great to know within yourself that you can walk your talk but you might have the tendency to bulldoze anyone that crosses your path. This might even cause an issue with authority figures. There’s a fine line between arrogance and confidence that you need to learn to master. It’ll help with the harmonious dynamics between you and your coworkers.

Pile 3:

Pile 3: 10 of Wands, 6 of Coins, Queen of Coins, Wheel of Fortune

Pile 3 feels like my burnt-out workaholic pile from the get-go. Being burdened by too much on your plate. Pile 3 might actually tend to take on other people’s problems. I understand you want to help out but you need to understand that you have limits too. You are asked to let go of the burdens that aren’t actually yours to begin with. You’re also asked to reprioritize your needs and responsibilities first before even considering helping someone else with their problems. I kept hearing, “You can’t pour out of an empty cup.”

Why does it feel like Pile 3 is my overly giving and generous pile? Sweetheart, please… I get how you want to help others out and give whenever you can. Just don’t forget to keep some for yourself, okay? I’m not asking you to stop being generous. I’m asking you to discern who genuinely needs your generosity and who is abusing your kind and loving heart. Unfortunately, not everyone deserves you and your generous heart.

Pile 3, your pile really has me crying and whimpering, “Please stop letting people walk all over you.” No wonder y’all are burnt out, you are the most loving, generous, and nurturing souls in the world to the point of being easy prey for abusive, manipulative narcissists. I’m begging you Pile 3, discernment and boundaries. You’re so nurturing and caring to the point of ignoring someone’s red flags. So… you have to actually learn how to have healthy boundaries and practice discernment. Don’t entertain the idea/potential of a person and see them for who they really are.

The last card feels like you need to let go of being too much of a “going with the flow” to the point of not taking charge of your own life, Pile 3. I understand you’re adaptable and know how to roll with the punches, but it also feels like a drifter with no roots. Always letting yourself be carried wherever the wind blows, can be interpreted as letting people dictate how you should live your life. It seems that pile 3 tends to take a passive approach to living your life. I understand that people who are of authority claim they want what’s best for you, but that’s what’s best based on THEIR values and preferences, not YOURS. So… please Pile 3, take the time to figure out what do you actually want to do with your life, in your own way. You are not just someone’s child, not just someone’s sibling/parent, not just someone’s friend/classmate/coworker. You are your own person, with a heart that feels and a mind that can think for themselves.

Pile 4:

Pile 4: 2 of Coins, 6 of Swords, Knight of Swords, Chariot

The first card of Pile 4 feels like you need to let go of only prioritizing your needs while disregarding your desires. It’s great to know how to be practical and resourceful, but you tend to only focus on nurturing the physical and basic needs, you tend to forget your emotional needs too. You tend to forget that you can let yourself enjoy your life while you work hard to provide for yourself and your family. I’m hearing, “self-care” is something you need to prioritize. Don’t just say, “Oh, I can just enjoy the fruits of my labor later” then realize your knees can’t even be stable enough to carry your body to your bathroom. The last I heard from the first card was “Go on a vacation and treat yourself while your body is still able to live and move with ease.”

The next thing you need to let go of is your cut-off game, specifically your tendency to ghost people. It seems that Pile 4 is quite quick to cut people out of your lives without notice. It seems that pile 4 also tends to cut someone out of their life on impulse. Like, no explanation, no notice, no last goodbye. This is giving “ghosting” vibes. It’s like, the person you cut off didn’t even do anything wrong, yet pile 4 while just going ghost without a valid reason. Like, pile 4 may go ghost whenever someone is getting a bit too close to your heart and you tend to run before they even get a chance to offer any friendship/commitment. Pile 4, are you a commitment phobe?

Pile 4, what you need to let go of is your impatience. Not just towards others, but also towards yourself. The littlest inconveniences make you lose your cool quicker than a mic drop. Not everyone is capable of keeping up with your demands and requests, not even you. So please, learn to be more understanding and patient with yourself and other people. I understand that you want to just go-go-go, but you need to know that you shouldn’t bulldoze your way through life. Learn to pace yourself by taking the time to smell the roses. There’s nothing wrong about going after what you want to get done, but you just need to remember that you don’t always do everything perfectly in the first try. You too make mistakes. You too need time to learn from your mistakes and become a better version of yourself. So please, show yourself and others the same compassion and patience you wished someone would give you.

Finally, the last thing pile 4 needs to let go of is “being controlling”. I’m really sorry for this call-out Pile 4 but you must have heard this from someone else before. Just because you know what’s best and know how to do it best, it doesn’t mean you should always take the reins and just control everything and everyone to bend into your will. Your way isn’t the only way to do things. You might be surprised that there are other ways to go about a task with minimal damage and effort. So please, let go of the concept that you have to always take charge and always be the leader.

Thank you for trying out my PAC reading. Feel free to give me a feedback on how your pile resonates with you.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

don't hold hands, m | myg

pairing(s): yoongi x reader

summary: You're fucking your ex-boyfriend's ex-best friend. You also now own a condo with him and owning this condo has made you house-poor. Yeah, it's not the usual love story and it's not going to be one. Not until you paint the walls black, that is.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; mostly conversations and feels tbh; minor smut (fem reader, marking / scratching, m-receiving oral, doggy, penetrative sex); non-idol!AU; guitarist!music producer!Yoongi x novelist!reader - fwb / roommates-to-lovers

just a story about two people who shouldn't fall in love falling in love, I have plenty of nasty smut so this is a different beat for ya lmao

--

“Is it fun being tortured?”

“Not really, no.”

It wasn’t fair to be this critical but, as long as you didn’t let these words travel outside this room, it was fine, right? At least, you kept telling yourself that. Delusion at its finest.

“It’s so stupid that people enjoy sticking their nose in drama that doesn’t involve them only because their lives are too boring to have any,” you sighed, tossing your phone across your desk, letting it skid into a pile of post-its covered in scrawled notes. “All because I deleted some photos.”

Notifications were now blocked.

“Some people mistake privilege with right.”

You glared at your phone even though the contents were the offender and not the device. Rolled your eyes, knowing you would be coming back to a shitstorm, but you couldn’t take it anymore. There had to be a limit. And the voice beside you had been telling you to put the damn thing down and stop deleting comments one by one, but the stubborn ram in you thought you could just headbutt through the bullshit.

And that imagery was gonna end there, thank you very much.

Your forehead found the palm of your hand and you sighed again, suddenly feeling the weight.

“I’m never doing that again.”

“You don’t have to.”

Minutes passed.

Silence never felt so serene.

Then it was cut through by steady, slow acoustic guitar, the notes drifting out from behind you. It almost made you feel more guilty. Almost. How fucked was that? You, sitting here right now, staring at nearly bare walls and a table covered in notes and your trusty laptop, almost feeling guilty for the guy that had backed out of the joint loan for this condo in the city that you didn’t even fuckin’ want, but you had been too far into the process to not lose a whole lotta money and too angry to let yourself lose.

How ironic, feeling guilty for the guy who cheated on you.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not,” was the guitar player’s response. “And you shouldn’t be either. For anything.”

You knew you shouldn’t apologize. It just felt like the thing to do, because you hadn’t been wholly right either and, even if you weren’t more in the wrong, you were still wrong, and wasn’t that fucked, putting levels of blame on a situation that, at the end of the day, was all said and done and left everybody bitter and full of scars.

The shitty part was everyone was on your case now and blaming you.

This was what you got for dating the lead singer of a punk band that skyrocketed to popularity on social media. Looked all elegant dark romance on TikTok and Instagram, just screaming and hate-fucking behind closed doors. Constant content to cover up the toxicity. And maybe it was your fault too, letting it get to your head that maybe you really were the beautiful, mysterious muse that the followers painted you out to be. You glossed over red flags – late nights, drugs and drinking, sleeping in rooms of girls that called themselves fans – all part of the industry. Nothing happened. Honest. But the greatest mistake was letting him tag you on Instagram. How cool was it that you were an author?

This bastard.

Not only had you given him some of your best quotes for his lyrics, but now you couldn’t publish those words as your own because this bastard would fuckin’ sue you for plagiarizing.

The guitar continued behind you, on the mattress on the floor.

So, not only were you getting crucified on social media at the moment because he had called you a backhanded bitch in his Instagram stories but also because you had deleted all photos of him on your profile and said fucking nothing. Silence to be polite and all that. He cheated on you, he was leaving you for some whore you had plenty of suspicions about, and, worst of all, he waited until you and him were finalizing the down payment for this expensive-ass-fuck high-rise condo – that money was out of your own pocket, not his, how convenient – and backed out of the loan for the mortgage. His reasoning?

You cheated on him first.

Hello?

With his former guitarist.

Hello?

Your ex-boyfriend had fired his former guitarist ages ago because you and him had gotten too friendly.

Alright, man.

You liked the guy, sure. Talked to him when he was in the studio and found you had a lot in common. Plus, he was crazy talented. Made most of the melodies, self-produced a lot of the songs for the band so they could save money, even contributed to lyric writing so they didn’t have to spend on that either. He even had a good voice, although sadly the band rarely used it. Your art of words paired with his knowledge of music made some viral hits. But then tensions rose between him and your ex when they started butting heads for no reason (there was a reason and it was ugly jealousy). Then arguments rose between you and your ex, but instead of breaking up, you buried yourself into writing your next novel to let the situation cool off.

Sigh, okay, call a spade a spade.

You were avoiding the confrontation.

He fired his guitarist and got a new one.

Then things were good.

Until they weren’t.

Of course, they weren’t. You didn’t solve shit, and he was fucking every girl that threw themselves at him behind your back. Good thing you had strict rules about condoms, otherwise you would probably have some lasting consequences right now. So, when the ground cracked and split apart from under you, what did you do?

Yup, this was the part that made you no better.

You found that former guitarist and fucked him.

Word travelled around. Word also travelled around that somehow you got someone to be part of that insane loan you got talked into. And, oh, shit, did things get messy once a certain someone knew who it was.

But here you were.

Feeling guilty.

You probably couldn’t publish for at least six months to a year because, harrowingly, your demographic was young adult – you had even relied on social media for self-marketing, fuck – and the half of a novel you had now had to be scrapped considering that so many of the quotes were now distressed in dark venues by the lips of an egomaniacal dick that you allowed into your pussy far too many times. Once was already too many.

Fuck.

You didn’t even want to live in the city.

It’ll be so much easier for me to get bigger opportunities. Don’t be a selfish bitch and only think about yourself.

You wanted to scream.

You wanted to throw your laptop into the wall and break it into smithereens, but you didn’t because this piece of technology was currently your only chance of making money. Fuck. Me. Always talking about himself like he was only important member of the band, even though it was the other guys who wrote most of the music and lyrics. No one sided with you, obviously. This was their job and technically not their romance. They were sympathetic but not empathetic to the point of jeopardizing their jobs. Obviously, you hadn’t signed any contracts for royalties or credit. This was supposed to be your soulmate.

Soulmates weren’t so generous to give you pennies.

You’re being greedy and self-important. Oh, so you’re only in the relationship for the money? I’ll give you money once we make it big. Once we get it all, I’ll buy you everything you want. But you gotta help me out now. We’re starving artists, ya know?

You should have asked your parents for monetary help, but you didn’t. Your pride didn’t want to hear the told-you-so speeches for dating a guy they didn’t choose for you. You also didn’t want the arranged marriage appointments back in your life either.

So.

Trapped in white walls, post-its of false starts, and impending doom.

Dramatic, but you were a writer.

“Come here and sit down with me.”

Some part of you didn’t want to face him. It was really dumb. He was your new roommate now. You were fucking him when you were too sad to avoid it, and it was pretty obvious he knew. You were living off his money. Sure, he only paid for half the rent but then food mysteriously appeared in the fridge, bathroom necessities were stocked when they were running low, cleaning supplies neatly sorted into the closet, and all that other shit. None of that wholesale stuff either, but the nicer things normal households could afford.

It wasn’t an exaggeration that you cried into the soap during your shower last night.

All because you finally acknowledged it wasn’t one of those shitty bars that made skin feel like plastic but actually fragrant lathering liquid that you could put on the dense, not-falling-apart-in-one-use loofah that you hadn’t bought. You would have been satisfied with cutting coupons and living on the dregs of the bare minimum, but someone cared enough to not let you do that, and you currently couldn’t do anything to contribute and probably couldn’t for a while.

And that made you feel undeserving.

Maybe you were only fucking him because that was all you could offer.

Pathetic.

The guitarist called your name softly.

Like a beaten dog, you got up and sat down beside Min Yoongi.

He continued to play a melody you didn’t know on his black acoustic guitar. He hadn’t moved in all his instruments and equipment yet. You had told him he could have the whole living room for his studio. He had asked if you were sure and you responded that you were sure that you weren’t going to have anybody over ever so, unless he wanted a living room space, you didn’t want one.

“Shit always happens, you know,” the deep voice reminded you.

“This happening was of my own doing and now I’ve ruined my own life,” you muttered, bitter over a boy and hating that you were bitter over a boy.

A small chuckle. “You have to admit you had help.”

Stupid boy.

“Can’t be helped. Humans are animals of regret.”

It stung to regret.

The guitar playing stopped and now you were met with silence.

Don’t cry.

But it was so tiring to be angry. So easy to be sad. So easy to think, my fault, for being swept up in what he was but not who he was, for believing that you knew what was best when clearly it wasn’t, for being spiteful on purpose. For avoiding looking at Yoongi in the face because you were too ashamed to acknowledge what was going on here.

For being too afraid to ask what he thought of it.

“I regretted not stealing you from him sooner. Thought you were too fuckable for that loser from the first day we met.”

A strange feeling.

Skin prickling, glancing the that pale hand of graceful, callused fingers simply resting on the neck of that guitar, not looking at Yoongi’s face even though you knew it quite well in profile.

“That’s one way to make me feel better,” you replied.

“I’m not trying to make you feel better. Just being honest,” he replied, tapping his fingertips on the wood. “You are ten times too talented and a hundred times too pretty for a guy like that.”

You twitched. “Are you shitting on my standards?”

“Back then? Yeah, I am.” A calm hum, setting aside his guitar and placing his elbows on his sweatpants-covered knees, charcoal gray and worn. “Pretty clear you went full desperado for a guy that didn’t deserve it. Also, he ain’t hot shit like he thinks he is.”

Ow and what the fuck. “Fuck off.”

You felt movement and tracked his hand raising, spinning a finger around his temple. A brief glance and the details sank in. Long, windswept black waves, light cream skin, pointed gaze directed forward and not at you, pensive slight frown of pink lips. You looked away again, past his loose white t-shirt and to your hands.

You used to be proud of them.

They used to be able to type prose like no other.

Now they were twisted in an oversized, olive-green sweatshirt that you picked up from the sale bin of the convenience store for dirt cheap and they didn’t write jack shit.

You also hated olive-green.

Nothing personal. It just wasn’t your color.

“You’re a psycho bitch to put up with him,” Yoongi commented.

He wasn’t wrong. “I’m a psycho bitch all the time.”

“Yeah, and I don’t date crazy.”

You thought you would feel insulted, but you were past the point of caring. Also, there was something about the way his calm voice said it. Like he knew what he was doing. Huh. That was a silly thing to think. Of course, Yoongi knew what he was doing. He did it. He let you in his studio when you tracked it down and camped out until he showed up. He had listened to your psychobabble and didn’t back away when you pinned him to the wall.

This wasn’t dating.

“At least, I thought I didn’t,” Yoongi added, not touching you.

He fucked you too. He wasn’t a starfish in bed, that was for sure.

“I wanted to get back at him too, you know,” that deep, hazy voice murmured beside you. “That bastard turned my friends against me, stole my mixes, and cut out all my connections. Made me start from the ground up, alone.”

Yeah, you did know that. You helped badmouth Yoongi. In the name of love.

Shit.

“Sorry.”

“You’re not sorry.”

Ouch.

“And you shouldn’t be, ‘cause what’s done is done and being sorry isn’t going to change anything.”

You untwisted your hands from each other, realizing your knuckles were white from anxiousness, and relaxed them on your bare knees. Best you could, anyway.

“Yeah,” was the best response you had. This fucking boy ruined your life and stole your eloquence too, apparently. Motherfucker. “You’re right.”

Neither you or Yoongi said anything.

Minutes passed.

Another night in the condo and both of you were sitting on a mattress with a single blanket, deflated pillows, and a box of condoms on the floor.

You touched his forearm the same time his hand moved to grip your thigh.

And then it was the don’t-look-him-in-the-eyes challenge, and he was doing the exact same thing, eyes averted, black hair over them, lips grazing your jaw. Breath against your ear. Hot. His neck under your lips, flexed, fair skin with remnants of bruises, and your teeth sank in, making new ones, listening to his hiss and feeling his hands slide under your sweatshirt. Weighted palms and blunt nails. Digging in.

“Harder.”

He scratched you up as you climbed into his lap, tasting flesh.

Those firm hands gripped your hips and forced them down. Grinding. Softness to growing hardness, unhooking your bra, hands all over like you had lost your mind, your thighs squeezing his sides, yanking his shirt collar down and licking up his collarbone, dripping spit, shivering as you saw it glisten over his marred skin.

Clothes coming off, thrown aside. Guitar sliding to the hardwood floor as bodies tumbled. Your hands on his chest, your hard nipples pressed into the sheets as Yoongi slipped his hand into your hair and shoved your head down. Mouth open, tongue curling around. Moan striking the air, echoing in the nothingness.

Hard, hot, now wet.

Up, down, hitting the back of your throat, unable to choke in the adrenaline of lust, in need, in desire for pain, rubbing your tongue all over as Yoongi face-fucked you hard and fast, thick cock swelling in your mouth, your lips grazing the swollen head and making him shudder, saliva slipping down your chin that was smacking into his balls.

Was it shameful that you were good at it?

Sex solved nothing but you sure had a lot of it as if it did.

A sharp gasp and salty cum filled your throat, drinking, swallowing with effort and the burning sensation of your locked jaw, maintaining the soft tightness. Tongue tracing the contours, keeping him hard, hearing the rip of a foil packet above your head.

You hadn’t even realized that Yoongi had let go of your hair, letting you lick him all over at your own pace.

“What position?” Yoongi panted, husky and breathless in the mostly empty bedroom.

Mattress, chair, desk, laptop. Oh, and guitar.

Bodies on the floor.

You didn’t say anything.

You just turned around and slid down, elbows on the bed, knees spread, ass up.

“Alright then.”

You bit your lower lip.

You almost turned your head, almost looked back, just to check, right, just to check he was okay with it, and then strong hands gripped your hips, lifting them, sliding in, condom on and stretching you out right away, his knees pushing your knees apart and forcing you to arch your back for the angle.

No chance to look back.

You gasped, gripping the sheets, blinded by pleasure and the fading resonance of pain.

Hard.

Deep.

You pushing back, deep not deep enough, hitting your preferred depth and letting your eyelids flutter, veins burning with the repeated ecstasy. One of your hands lifted and reached back, squeezing his hand on your hip, and the grip became tighter, fingertips digging in, smacking his hips into your ass, and your body threatened to throw him back, carnal power meeting his every thrust, clenching around his hard length, and you could hear Yoongi growl your name, low and deep and voracious.

Somehow, his name fell from your lips too.

Rough and sinful, no better than an animal.

His nails dug into your back and dragged down, burning lines into your skin.

Your head tipped back and you moaned, a clear, shameless sound that would become familiar to this ceiling. Pooling wildfire, tightening muscles, wasted nectar sticky between joined thighs, surge after shivering surge of orgasmic apex stinging your veins as you barely registered Yoongi’s shudder and blissful groan, feeling the pulse inside you made than hearing the sound.

The rush of blood roaring in your ears was far too loud for you to hear anything.

Your face felt hot, so hot.

Gripping the sheets, twisting them, pulling them off the edge of the bed.

This moment.

Very few things were as intense and exigent as an orgasm. Fleeting, but a violently memorable. Pure nothingness of soaring high. You chased it. Again. And again. And again, your fingers tangled in Yoongi’s dark hair, pulling it over his face but he didn’t look at you anyway, eyes closed and teeth trapping his lower lip, breath trapped in his chest, driving his hips into yours again and again.

You both kept going until the limits were reached.

The darkness willingly swallowed you up.

-

Min Yoongi always considered himself a rational person, which was precisely why he found himself entangled in the break-up between his former best friend and the only woman he ever considered committing a felony for.

Yeah.

He also didn’t believe in love at first sight.

She was still way too hot for that idiot though.

His eyes could communicate well enough with his dick. The short skirt and exposed thighs didn’t really help either. Still, Yoongi had let it be. Respect was keeping his distance despite racing heartbeat and keeping calm despite shaking hands. He got used to it once the late-night talks about music and wordplay became a regular thing. Sometimes they talked about general life and were surprised on how well they aligned. Still, she never spoke poorly about her then-boyfriend even though there was plenty to talk about.

Scorched earth was their sacred ground.

It was painful to witness.

Yoongi regretted valuing the friendship, mostly because it didn’t mean jack shit at the end of the day. He regretted believing in the elegant, age-old saying.

Bros before hoes.

Tch.

But mostly, Yoongi regretted pretending like nothing was wrong.

He would see the pain in her expression and not say anything. Watch her pack it all away and greet him with warmth that he didn’t deserve because he had a racing heart and shaking hands every time they met. He would watch his former best friend disappear into hotel rooms without explanation and Yoongi knew damn well it wasn’t right, but he kept his mouth shut because he was a coward, something he figured out later.

He could have washed his hands clean of that shitshow, but instead his hands had held her shaking shoulders and watched her struggle not to cry on that cold night.

Yoongi considered himself a rational person, but never a good one.

Too many ways to judge, and her lips had already connected with his as soon as his shoulder blades hit the wall. He didn’t stop it. Maybe it was bitterness. Vengeance. Hate.

No, it wasn’t any of that, actually.

He didn’t know exactly what but, in that moment, Yoongi knew that he would murder that asshole if he saw his former best friend’s face right then, ready to commit a felony all because those beautiful eyes couldn’t look at him, closing instead to blink back the tears that bastard didn’t deserve.

That meant something, all right.

He knew it could take a long time. He knew it would almost certainly be hopeless. He knew he would probably end up with a broken heart and broke as hell. He knew it was a bad idea and he knew it was going to tear him up, this spiral, but when he found himself looking up to the ceilings of these mostly empty rooms, this condo he now half-owed with the woman that was formerly his best friend’s girlfriend, and Yoongi found he didn’t know and he didn’t care what the future held.

She had trouble sleeping.

Less trouble after exhausting themselves.

He had trouble sleeping too, but that was because he was staring at the ceiling and wondering just how rational he really was. One hand behind his head, under the pillow. The other resting on the blanket, on the curve of her hip, feeling the steady hum of her breathing.

She never cried in front of him.

He knew she did cry, because he heard her in the bathroom sometimes. But never in front of him. Showed anger, yes, but never acted helpless even though it was perfectly reasonable to feel that way after everything that happened. Living on the least for his sake, even to the point of skipping meals and spending all her time trying to write, trying to get back to her livelihood, trying to get past all the false starts. Personally, Yoongi felt that she should give up for now and heal herself, but he also knew how it felt to feel stubborn and useless.

Hah.

It was weird, being so close and yet so far away.

He felt it most in the nighttime, even though that was when he was closest to her.

He was never going to be the same. He knew that. He already wasn’t, surprising himself with his own recklessness, and for what? He didn’t even know what she was capable of reciprocating after receiving all those scars. Didn’t even know if he was the right one, if he was better or worse, if…

If he was believing in something that wasn’t there.

Yoongi closed his eyes and went to sleep.

-

Livid.

It was weird. Feeling it. In the past, you buried it, numb, and promptly lived in delusion. But now you could feel it. What was more, you let yourself feel it. There wasn’t anything to stop you except for the occasional mental peanut gallery of you’re a bad person if you feel jealousy, but anger could overtake anything if you let it.

You stared at the scene before you, several meters away.

Seething.

It felt good.

Mostly because it was honest.

It surprised you. You hadn’t expected to feel anything. Sad, maybe. You had already been cheated on, so naturally you assumed the cycle would begin anew, just with less promises and in the gray area of uncertainty. But, no, instead of being distraught and delusional, you felt maddeningly, viciously, nearly on-the-edge of making a fist and dislocating Min Yoongi’s jaw from his skull because he was speaking to a female-presenting human at the entrance of the building that housed his and others’ music studios.

Did you lack context? Yes.

Would that get you arrested? Yeah, probably.

Would that probably not get you laid anymore and label you as an unhinged psychopath? Without a doubt.

But would it feel good?

Don’t know.

You had never punched someone before, although maybe you should have practiced on your ex-boyfriend. He was probably a more deserving candidate. In any case, you remained frozen in perplexation at your willingness for violence because you were pretty sure your… relations… with Yoongi were nothing more than a lonely bitch and a spiteful silver tongue executing revenge, so the amount of fucks you should give about Yoongi speaking to any human being – other than the obvious health and safety precautions – should be zero.

None.

Basket of fucks empty.

And yet.

Clearly wasn’t since you were mentally calculating the angle and force for jaw dislocation while having zero experience in doing so. In any sort of non-virtual manner, that is.

Hm.

Your hands were firmly in the pockets of your black cargo pants. The hip ones, although you had plenty of choice. You kept them there for the safety of passerby or, maybe deep down, yourself. This caused your jacket to fall open, the outlines of the sew-on patches and thick, bunched-up black denim crowding the space between your forearm and waist, your black cropped tank exposed to the chill evening air. You used to wear a plethora of band t-shirts, but, well, those were probably in a landfill or rotting in a secondhand shop.

You figured you would be cold. Unsurprisingly, the anger kept you warm.

Huh.

You thought about turning around and just straight up leaving, petty and picturesque of course, and then Yoongi seemed to sense your projected violence, looking up from the conversation. Dark waves over his cheeks, striking body line, backing away, hiding his eyes for a moment, not that you could see them that well from this distance. You twitched.

The girl reached out.

Yoongi simply bowed, out of reach, and pushed the glass door open.

Honestly, her role in this moment was so miniscule that you completely ignored whatever she did or possibly could have said to Yoongi’s retreating back. Sharpened gaze, and then he crossed the street with the crowd, walking past oblivious bystanders who may or may not become the harrowed audience of the next thirty seconds.

He stopped before you. Bomber jacket, white shirt, black track pants. Monochrome elegance.

You looked up at him, saying nothing.

Over one shoulder was his usual guitar bag that held said instrument and his yellow notepad sticking out of the pocket. He used it to jot down whatever came to him. You almost said something. Almost. Then you remembered that if this, this between you and Min Yoongi, if this was supposed to be nothing, then weren’t you supposed to do nothing but voice your casual annoyance for making you wait rather than, well.

Admit insecurity?

You looked away quickly.

No, it did not matter how reasonable it was, you didn’t like knowing that somehow you had been weakened by an ex-boyfriend, barely a man, no, a mere locust at best, so it was better to not say anything and accept that this was��

“Sorry, I got caught up with the staff about ending my lease.”

Compromised.

You didn’t look at him. “What?”

“Gonna end my lease this month and move my studio stuff to the condo. I can’t afford both.”

He had told you this already. It had been your idea. You already knew you were overreacting to a situation that you created in your head rather than reality. And, yet, the best your mind would allow was uh huh, a plausible explanation, sarcasm included.

“Ah. Right,” was your sharp, mildly frigid reply.

“I can’t read your mind.”

Do you intend to be exhausting?

Your mental peanut gallery was super annoying.

You breathed in. Cool, crisp air. The sound of cars and people bustling in and out of stores. You breathed in again. Did you really intend to be exhausting, irrational, and, worst of all, dishonest? Really, after all that had happened? After getting here, standing here, arriving to pick up Yoongi at his request to do the grocery shopping together?

You turned back to look right into black-brown, piercing orbs.

“I just realized that I have the ability to be jealous,” you exhaled, draining your lungs. “It’s unpleasant and not nearly as delightfully pivotal as the media makes it out to be.”

Something fluttered in those orbs.

Or maybe it was the wind catching his bangs, drifting black strands over his eyes shadowed by dark circles.

Yoongi half-smiled.

“Makes for good songwriting material though.”

There was an air of helplessness to his words. A tone you couldn’t define, except for the understanding, which left you both baffled and with a sense of guilt. There were emotions in that barely-there smirk on those familiar lips. Relief. Maybe a slight bit of shame. A shadow of guilt too. You realized people were glancing at you and him as they walked past, wondering why you both were at a standstill on the sidewalk. Yoongi seemed to not notice them or care.

You pulled your hands out of your pockets.

“Come on. We should go before it gets dark.”

Before you noticed it, your hand was rising.

You pulled it back, but not fast enough.

Yoongi’s free hand reached out and grasped around yours, strong fingers enclosing. Sliding up, calluses on your palm. Your hand lowered, slowly, your eyes moving in the opposite direction. Lips parting. His hand was colder than yours.

You stared at Yoongi.

He looked back, expression unreadable.

“I don’t hold hands,” you said, suddenly breathless.

You tightened your grip.

“Neither do I,” Yoongi replied, taking a step, on the cusp of walking past you, his hand around yours. “I simply just don’t like the idea of yours getting cold when I can do something about it.”

Previously, when you held hands, it was always with a purpose of showing public affection. The look-how-real-this-is-because-there-are-clear-witnesses show. Front row tickets nobody asked for. But this.

This.

You blinked hard and the sting was inside.

The sting of wasted time.

Your name in that raspy, soft voice. Familiar. You looked up, not saying anything and hoping the eye contact was enough. All Yoongi did was smile lightly and tug your hand.

“Let’s get take-out and shop tomorrow. We have plenty of time to eat healthier.”

-

“You can cry in front of me.”

Min Yoongi heard her breath hitch and still.

Seconds that felt like hours ticked by. It was the dead of night. Or maybe one could call it the time when honesty came to life, if the conditions were right. He knew this time well usually with a drink in his hand, but this time he was laying on his side with bruises of bites and carnal memories lingering on his fingertips.

“I wasn’t crying.”

Her voice was thick and strained from trying to keep it even. Her moment of jealousy had happened days ago. He had recognized it right away. Call it personal experience. He also recognized that she didn’t like to feel that way. It was obvious from her torn yet furious expression. It confirmed a lot of things for him. Still, she seemed pleased to help him move and set up his things in the bedroom. They found the living room to be a bit too echoey due to the large space so they switched the two, pulling the mattress to the living room and setting up his equipment in the center of what was formerly the bedroom.

He told her to paint the condo.

She had mentioned in passing that someday she would like to paint her entire living space black. Not this place, because he owned it too, and you probably think I’m crazy for wanting a dark space, huh, Yoongi? He asked her, why wait? No one lives forever. We’re just passing through.

She had given him a weird look.

We own this condo. Paint it.

There were cans of black paint waiting.

Yoongi had intended to go visit his family over the weekend. His parents and his brother who had recently been promoted to head chef at the classy restaurant he worked at. Someone in the family needed to have prestige. Well, that was his own personal feeling. Surprisingly at this point his parents had given up on telling him to get a higher-paying job. They told him to simply be happy.

And get married.

Yeah, about that.

He was still trying to get used to the music producer thing, for fuck’s sake.

“Are you afraid I won’t understand?” Yoongi let himself say, not turning around yet.

Sometimes, people didn’t want you to see them weak. He could understand that.

Call it personal experience.

A shuddering sigh. Deep breaths. Words bogged down, drained.

“I can only be so pathetic before I lose my mind recalling the past,” she mumbled. He felt her weight deepen on her side of the bed, as if she was trying to melt into the mattress. “I made things hard for myself. For you. It’s pointless to cry about it anyway. In the end, it only makes me look ungrateful.”

Yoongi thought about it.

“It’s true that you probably shouldn’t have involved me.”

He shifted, laying on his back now.

“But I’m not a good person either. I agreed, after all,” he murmured, his skin tingling with bruises and carnal memories. “Hm, to be honest, he was always a dick though, from high school till now. Always will be, I fear.”

“You’re easygoing enough not to be affected by his asshole behavior.”

“Not my job to change people. I leave that to parents and clueless fools.”

A pensive silence. Surprisingly not an irritated one. She seemed to accept it.

“Why did you become his friend?” she asked, staring at the ceiling with him.

“We just happened to like the same thing. Music.”

“I’m lucky you decided to become his friend.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment. Then, “I’m lucky that somehow he managed to bamboozle a hot and clever girl, two things he’s obviously not.”

She almost laughed. Almost.

“Who the fuck uses the word bamboozle?”

“You had to admit you were bamboozled, because you sure as hell weren’t dick-drunk.”

“Oh? You think you’re that good, huh?”

“No, I just know he’s that much worse.”

The faintest of chuckles.

“You… You get better every time,” she admitted. “I think I just caught you off guard the first time.”

“Firstly, I don’t like wasting time and, secondly, I had given up for a while before…” I met you. “Romance seemed like an expensive, worthless distraction when I could be using that time and money trying to push the band forward,” he pivoted, running a hand through his hair to push it out of his eyes. “Then that went to shit.”

“Sorry.”

Automatic.

He chuckled darkly. “I’m confident I got the better deal.”

A trembling pause.

“Why do you think that?”

He reached over and placed his palm on the top of her head, lacing his fingers in her hair. Messing it up.

“Tell me the truth. Was he good at sex?”

A burst of laughter. “Really? Alright. No, he wasn’t. He sucked. Thought he was a piston of a muscle car instead of a human being. Oh, and once he fell asleep on top of me.”

He cocked an eyebrow. Turned his head and forced hers to turn as well.

She was smiling.

Yoongi found his chest tight and breath shallow.

“And you didn’t leave him then… why?” he pressed.

She winced, albeit playfully. “I yelled at him. A lot. I don’t know, maybe he was tired.”

“Not an excuse.”

“I know, I know…” Sigh. “I… I didn’t want to believe I made the wrong choice.” Her eyes shifted, but her body was still turned to face his. “I… It made my entire family angry, dating him. Especially my parents. They would never forgive me and hold it over my head forever. I had to make it work. I thought, if only I worked hard enough…” Another heavy breath, squeezing her eyes tightly. “I know it was pride, but I wanted to prove to them and myself that I could do anything. Bad choices? Maybe. But they were mine. I don’t want my life decided by what is best for me. If I suffer for it, those are my consequences.”

Her eyes opened, but barely.

Yoongi kept his hand on her head, running his fingers through her hair.

“I… I feel like shit because now you’re stuck in my mistakes,” she breathed.

He liked to touch her hair. It felt comforting.

“You know what your problem is?”

She glared under lashes and dared him.

Undeterred, he continued. “You blame yourself for shit that hasn’t even happened.”

A disapproving frown. “Hah?”

He tapped her forehead. “You think it’ll bother me if you cry, but what truly bothers me is that you cry alone.” Pushed back the strands, and now he was closer, sharing breath. “You think I’m stuck in your mistakes. Mistakes don’t inherently have only negative consequences. They almost always exist in a gray area.”

“I... I know that,” she grumbled, face against his chest.

“I did say you were clever.”

A drifting, drowsy silence.

“I’m not clever,” she whispered to his skin, pulling her body closer. “I just like you.”

Yoongi felt himself losing to sleep.

“I’ve always liked you, since the moment I saw you,” he muttered into her hair, breathing in the familiar scent, so quietly that he wasn’t sure if he said it at all.

-

“Ah? Yes? Sorry about that. Oh, yes, uh, I’m painting. Everything. Yes, I’ll be sure the keep the windows open. Thank you.”

You closed the front door of the condo. Well. You had expected nervousness, but somehow the conversation between you and the downstairs neighbor had been very calm. Apparently, he worked from home and wasn’t expecting the loud crash of the ladder from your unit.

In your defense, you hadn’t expected it either.

Thankfully, you hadn’t been on the ladder, only trying to figure out how to set it up. It was one of those compact ones that saved space but required some innovative thinking to get the taller height you needed. One crash and a YouTube video later, the ladder was now secure, and then came the knock on the front door.

The thoughts flew by – I don’t belong here, I can’t do this alone, they’re going to scold me and I haven’t even done the upper half yet – but the guy just seemed curious and confused. Didn’t even comment on your awkward outfit of navy boys’ basketball shorts and ill-fitted gray sports bra. Both on super sale. You were still wearing your bra because of the incorrect size, so the gray blob was bordering on ugly-ass tank top.

Look.

Some people had clothing they didn’t care about to paint in and some people had to dive in sale bins because they left behind most of their wardrobe and, with the clothes, their bad memories.

That was the intent.

Things rarely go as intended.

For instance, you thought you were going to feel imposter syndrome for a neighbor knowing that you were painting your own goddamn walls. You turned away from the door after you locked it, frowning. That’s right. Like it or not, bad decisions and minus an ex-boyfriend later, these were your walls. You looked up, out the large, floor-to-ceiling living room windows, and saw the sunlight sparkle over the sprawling city, walls painted half-black and half white surrounding you, and you could say that you never wanted to be here, but.

It was a sick view.

We own this condo. Paint it.

Your muscles were sore from the repeated swiping motion of the paint roller, but there was still this inexplicable energy coursing through you.

“What if it doesn’t look good?” you had asked Yoongi.

He had shrugged. “Then we paint it again.”

“It’ll be dark.”

“Wow, really? I thought black was supposed to be bright and cheerful,” was the sarcastic quip. “Just believe you have good taste and paint the damn walls.”

This condo was an investment that made you poor.

That was the truth you needed to face.

You have good taste.

You scrunched your face slightly as you remembered Yoongi’s facial expression. Was he… praising you or himself? You squinted. This guy. Picked up the paint roller again and saturated it with ink black, making crispy crinkly sounds as you shuffled over the plastic. Good taste. Well, that was relative, wasn’t it? Everything was at the end of the day. You climbed onto the ladder and began the repetitive, monotone motion once more but at a higher elevation. You should have put your music back on. Your phone was on the plastic-covered mattress and you were not about to go back down until you finished this section or ran out of paint. This was going to be a long process, but you had several days and too much time as Yoongi had already left to visit his family.

Now you were alone with a lot of paint and mind-numbing fumes.

Shit, you should have opened the window.

You would have to paint a second coat anyway. Who cared if the first coat was shitty?

Sigh.

Climbing down and doing your due diligence before returning to your post.

You had forgotten once again to put your music back on. Hah. Well, that was fine; you had yourself. You didn’t mind being alone. Heh, sometimes it was better to be alone. You continued rolling away, hardworking in the consistent rhythm. Thinking about it now, this might have been the first time in a long time that you were okay with being alone. Before, you had felt guilty whenever you weren’t thinking about your relationship. Huh. Odd. Was it some kind of mental self-reassurance when you knew something was off? It was hard to tell, but possible.

Everything was off about that relationship. You just had too much pride to admit it.

You sighed, climbing back down to reload.

Wait a second. Was this why there was that wider step towards the top of the ladder? You poured some more paint in the tray and carried it up with you. Oh shit. Wow. Innovation. You coughed and went back to a different patch of wall. No one saw that. See, perks of being alone.

Well, you didn’t hate Yoongi being here.

You stopped painting.

You didn’t just think that.

You went back to painting. Shut up, nagging feeling. You furiously painted on, ignoring your soreness, telling that little voice in your head to shut up, because there were plenty of reasons not to think stuff like that. Firstly, you weren’t ready to think stuff like that. And what if it was only hopeful transference rather than genuine feeling? Asshole or not, your ex-boyfriend’s betrayal of trust was not something so easily overcome. It wasn’t fair to Yoongi either, pretending to like him if you weren’t sure.

You liked Yoongi before you broke up, too.

Wasn’t that fucked up?

You sighed and came back down, careful to scoot the ladder without spilling and causing a mess. Back up and at it. Of course, it was fucked up. And you knew it was, which might have been why you let it get that bad. Might? Was why you let it get that bad. Two hypocrites were meant for each other. You huffed, puffing your cheeks. It wasn’t enough to hold the ticking grenade; you had needed confirmation it was a, in fact, a bomb.

Maybe even hoping it would end you.

It didn’t.

For some reason, you thought Yoongi could see that in you.

Damn, he’s really living in your system, hm?

You frowned.

Your phone rang.

You almost jumped, startled at the sudden sound of an old song you used to enjoy. Back when you were a teenager, and the memories came back as you climbed down. A kid who just really liked rock’n’roll, and parents who did not, but that kid didn’t care, annoyingly setting it as her ringtone on her shitty flip phone. Couldn’t you be her again? Before you had time to ponder, you checked your hands for paint and picked up your phone, answering it.

“Hello?”

“Did you eat?”

You blinked, sitting down on the crinkly plastic upon hearing that deep, raspy voice. “Uh, no. I was gonna stop by the convenience store when the first coat was done.”

“No, you weren’t. You were gonna skip a meal,” Min Yoongi tutted. “Because you don’t want to be a nuisance and use the money I had left you.”

Damn. He knew you, all right.

“If I forget, I forget,” you grumbled.

“Yeah, yeah. Anyway, pick up the food order from the front desk when it comes. They told me about thirty minutes.”

“You don’t have to order food for me. I’m not a kid,” you hissed.

“It’s the pho spot you like and if I don’t put food in front of you, you won’t eat. You intend to do all that hard work without some fuel?” A pause. You made a disapproving noise. “And I know you’re not a kid. By the way, what’s your waist measurement?”

You remained a grump. “Why?”

“I’m here, so I’m going to buy you some clothes.”

“Don’t buy me clothes. Don’t spend money–”

“You need things,” Yoongi cut you off. “Unless you want to come with me? You don’t trust me?”

“That’s not it and you know it,” you snapped back. “It’s not worth–”

“Of course, it isn’t. It’s vain and silly and superficial. And I’m still going to buy you things, so tell me your waist measurement.”

“Yoongi, this is your hard-earned money,” you puffed out, exasperated.

“Yeah, and I make money to provide you with a good life because I think you are the most important person to me. So, do you want me to guess with my hands or are you going to meet me halfway?”

Dead silence.

He called your name, softly.

You told him in centimeters.

“Got it. Don’t forget to check the front desk in thirty minutes.”

-

“I love you.”

His hair was stuck to his face due to sweat. “What?”

“I said I love you,” she said, staring right at him, their chests shuddering from exertion.

Yoongi couldn’t believe it, but also he wasn’t surprised. The room still smelled faintly like paint. The windows still had no curtains or blinds. They were still fucking on the mattress in the center of the living room and he was holding the used condom when she said I love you.

The walls and ceiling were all black, covering them in darkness as the city below glimmered with light.

“I love you,” was his reply.

It startled him, the suddenness of his response. He knew he did. Of course, he did, and he turned away quickly, making his way to the kitchen and throwing away the condom, skin tingling, cheeks aflame, and he was startled by the feeling that remained. He hadn’t expected those words to come out of her mouth even though he was sure of his own feelings. Yoongi had resigned himself to not hear it from her lips. He also didn’t need to hear it to know that it was true.

He saw her head to the bathroom.

Time was funny sometimes.

Suddenly they were both staring at each other on the mattress, the usual ritual completed, and the moment suspended.

“You didn’t have to say it,” he finally said. “For my sake.”

“I didn’t.” Her hair curled over her shoulder, caressing her curves. “I said it for my sake.”

Blankets and pillows and questions.

“I wondered about the validity of it,” she admitted to him. “Been wrong before and all that. Might still be wrong. So, I said it just to see if I regretted it.”

“Ah.”

They stared into each other’s eyes.

“Do you?” he asked.

She shook her head. “No.”

He half-smiled. How very simple yet complicated. He understood. “All the paint fumes really got to your head, huh?”

She looked up at him and he realized with a start that she, too, was half-smiling.

He reached out, smoothing her hair.

“You have a pretty face, Yoongi,” she teased, eyes sparkling.

He raised an eyebrow.

“I thought it would be too cliché, you and me,” she continued and the tone was different now, softer and more serious. “I thought you would get tired.”

She meant, of me.

He had thought this was cliché too. Cliché didn’t mean worthless though. His hand fell, and rested over hers without a second thought. Warm and against the sheets. “If I felt that way, I would have stopped speaking to you long ago. You could take care of yourself too.” Not safely, but could. “Except for money.”

She smirked.

“So you’re saying I need a suga daddy.”

Yoongi twitched.

“Part of me wanted to sell the condo as soon as possible,” she went on, casually glossing over the comment. “But the realtor said it would be a bad idea. I wouldn’t have any buyers without a minimum of six months or a year. Too many superstitions. Part of me thought I should…”

She looked up to the ceiling.

It was a high-rise, after all.

“All the reasons to move here were his. More convenient, better opportunities, owning rather than renting for the investment… I believed in it, more than myself.”

He didn’t say anything. Couldn’t because all those things had benefitted him already. He didn’t only agree to move in help her out. He was still a working music producer. But she didn’t seem to be saying it to condone him.

“I didn’t really think this place was mine until I painted the walls.”

Yoongi thought he should at least confess this part. “That’s why I told you to paint them.”

A small laugh. “You don’t like it, huh?”

“Don’t you remember the walls of the old studio were dark gray? That was my doing. I always resented the last place I rented because they didn’t let me paint the walls.”

“Ah… He painted over the gray.”

“I bet he did.”

They had fallen to the bed now, side by side.

“I didn’t think this would work out,” she breathed.

“I thought it might,” he hummed.

“Why?”

“You’re hot and clever and I wanted you from the first day I saw you.”

A warm chuckle. “Just like that?”

“Well, you had to give me a chance. Couldn’t make the first move due to the circumstances.”

“It was a convoluted and confusing one.”

“Eh, life’s unfair.”

-

“Your husband already paid.”

Your what?

“What?”

The cashier waved you away. You shuffled back, dazed, seeing Min Yoongi emerge from the bathroom in the corner of the restaurant, tucking a bit of his long black hair behind his ears and finding you in front of him.

“The cashier just called you my husband,” you declared.

He shrugged.

“Surprise.”

You blinked at him.

Patrons chatted and laughed as if this was a normal day. The music was horrendous covers of cheesy 2000’s pop. It was very strange, but the pho was good and well-priced, which was why Yoongi and you came here often after his meetings with music companies. Popular talent was in high demand.

He ticked his head to your outfit. “I know you like this dress I bought you, but you’ve left your coat at the table.”

“Oh, shit.”

“You’ve been scatterbrained ever since you started writing again.”

“Shut up.”

--

masterpost

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Wednesday my lovely readers :) Ahhh already 4 eps into this season. Almost half way there. Doesn’t take long when we only got 10. Ha Still grateful for what little we got was better than nothing tbh. Also reached the limit on my master post for links. Apparently there is a limit. Boo. Gotta add a link to a new posts in there for rest of the reviews. Was kinda shocked at the lower amount of gifs for this ones. So a lot are the made ones from me. Anyways this is really really good one. Let us begin.

6x04 Training Day

We start out with Lucy being a lying liar who lies. Not even well.... Tim not believing her even a little bit that she’s "fine." One of Lucy’s tells is her fidgeting. Whether it’s her hands, her sleeves, and the ever infamous tattoo touch she does. All indicators she is anything but fine. Tim is well versed in all of these things. Because he has the book of Lucy memorized. Her telling him it’s ’Not a big deal.’ Is a big ol red flag for him.

Tim voicing as such to her. Letting her know anytime he’s heard that from a woman in his life they were anything but that. Lucy keeps pretending she’s made peace with it. That’s she’s a professional. She will keep on keeping on. But as we know with this episode that is a load of absolute BS. It's one thing after another for her in this one only adding to very 'not fine' she is. Poor girl.

They do turn a cute corner with her asking if he wants her to be upset? Tim replying of course he doesn't. But the man is worried. Rightfully so. The smile on her face when she asks this is adorable though. They have a nice little moment of reprieve till numbskull Nolan appears. Bringing up the very thing that is eating at her. Her short ‘I’m fine.' Before taking off. Ugh. Undoing any progress Tim made. Thanks John forever the worst with that stuff. Smh. The way Tim’s eyes follow her after that. *sigh*

So begins the hell episode for Lucy. She shows up to the scene asking about their killer. Then asks Harper/Angela if they want her to start canvassing? They tell her yeah the northwest corner. Lucy making a crack no one has covered it yet because it’s by the ‘Hell dumpsters’. Their sassy looks say everything. Lucy spitting back a company line about being a patrol officer. Oh my girl. It’s hitting her so hard she’s still a patrol officer. Feeling like at this point in her career her talents are being wasted. I mean they are…That much is clear in this moment.

Her expression at the end of the scene says everything tbh. About all that frustration and feeling like a failure. This is the starting point of Lucy isolating herself. I know everyone thought she had zero support. To me and I know others said it during the season too. That she isolated herself. Because just like Tim when she is going through something she does it alone. She is internalizing EVERYTHING right now. I have been known to do this as well. The need to shutdown and do it alone. I can relate to her.

She has a solid support system but that doesn’t mean she’s taking advantage of said system. I can relate to that very well too. It took awhile but I now have a solid system. I don’t always rely on them in times of emotional distress. It’s a learned skill. One I'm still learning to use. We talk about Tim and his need for therapy. Lucy needs it too. They’re scarily alike in their unhealthy coping mechanisms. It’s frightening really. Also the song running through this is so good (Dandelion-ill peach)

This next portion is the beginning of her spiral as well. It’s wrapped inside her isolation. It’s a recipe for disaster as we see later on... The isolation continues while she is guarding the dumpsters solo. If there was ever a time Lucy didn’t need to be alone with her thoughts it would be today. She spots some puke and thinks it might be from the killer. Calls Harper and tells her as such.

Harper tells her it’s unlikely to be related but they’ll need to process it anyways. Unfortunately it is only going to extend her time in hell. Nyla telling her could take a couple hours. 4 tops…Ugh. Not exactly what her day needs. Doesn’t help Harper cuts her off on the phone before she can finish her sentence. *sigh* Now Lucy is left to sit in her thoughts and stew in her emotions. I believe this episode was setup to reflect how Lucy is feeling.

Which honestly is like shit. How she feels alone (self inflicted or not), how she’s falling behind and feelings of failure. It’s reflected in all her scenes in this one. It’s a tough one to watch for her. She’s feeling very segregated and this dumpster canvass isn’t helping. As we know our girl isn’t very good at spotting when she’s being emotionally blind to her own feelings. Nor realizing when she’s not reaching out for the help she needs. The thing about support systems is they can’t be mind readers. You gotta relay when you need that support.

Lucy watching that press conference is killing me softly. You can see so much emotion written all over her face. The jealously and the annoyance of not being the one up there. Because well she almost was. It was just dumb luck (title of Nolan’s career) that they got that call and she didn’t. Ain't nothing going our girl's way today and it shows. She is a seething cauldron of emotions that she is tamping down under the guise of being ‘fine’

I do LOVE her waiting on Tim so they can go home together. (Also the hands in his jeans, the shirt, the jacket. Mmm gimme) It’s the little married things that get me all amped up. Waiting on her man to go home. It makes me so happy and squee. She needs it more than ever too. I swear at this moment in time the only keeping her sanity intact is that man.

He reads her like a book from moment he sees her though. Knows what her sour mood is all about. That if only Primm had seen her linked to this case. Seen this press conference it would’ve proved him wrong about her. Made him regret tanking her exam. Damn he knows his girl. Because that's exactly what her face is conveying in the very beginning of this scene.

Lucy notes instead of that she was stuck in dumpster hell. Not only that but she guarded puke for 3 hours. Based on the off chance it belonged to the killer. Tim asking if it did? Hoping to God it did LOL It’s the way Melissa delivers the sick dog line that cracks me up. How she could easily lose her shit right now. Like that was the straw that broke the camel's back for her today.

Ugh I hate it so much for her. She was already all up in her thoughts and failures. Probably thinking why her? What can’t she have even the simplest win? That she’s been resigned to guarding puke and it not even being helpful. That it should be her up there not Nolan. I mean I agree it should be. This is all just percolating toward the rash decision she makes later.

So damn desperate to prove she’s worth her salt. That this is the career for her. She’s meant to do so much more than patrol, canvassing, and general grunt work. Our girl is in dire straits and Tim can see it clear as day. Which is what makes this next portion so sweet and important tbh. Also doesn’t hurt there are more married vibes attached to it.

I love the gentle advice given here from Tim. She’s had a really bad day and he’s being sensitive to it. Doling out solid guidance but being soft about it. Applying logic with empathy so she gets his point but also doesn’t get more upset. Tim can see how this rough shift has rocked her. Especially when she is already on shaky ground. This man like I’ve been saying has been 10/10 for her. Idk what she would’ve done without him eps 1-4 I really don’t.

The beauty of this scene is him empathizing and building her back her up in the process. Reassuring her in the kindest way. That yeah you had a bad day, you’ll have 'em again, but tomorrow could be a whole new ball game for her. That being on patrol is an 'anything can happen game.' Knowing she is down about patrol right now. The man knows. Then is positive about it. Saying today wasn’t her day but tomorrow could be. I love this man so very much. As does Lucy.

I just love the ‘share our day’ marriage vibes this scene holds. Tim sees she had the tougher day and is there for her. Lucy getting lighter as they continue to talk. Something Tim is very good at. The best part of this scene is he gets her to laugh.

After he’s said his piece and comforted her he takes it a step further. Makes his lady laugh and we’re all here for it. Telling her not to be so greedy LOL It’s the way Lucy is looking at him that gets me in the first one. Her Tim smile in full force. Then their precious combined smiles in the second one. God damnit they’re so cute you guys.

I’m dying. They make each other so happy I wanna cry. The lack of space and how they bump arms as they laugh. Just being in love with all to see I cannot. Lucy being grateful for this goof of a man making her smile. For relieving her even if it's just for a short while of that weight on her soul. Letting him carry it with her for a bit. *heart clutch* I love them sfm.

First off before we delve into this part, I wanna say Lucy is an absolute BAMF is in the moments leading up to Harper/Angela arriving. How calm and collected she is. Making sure to cover Bailey as she gets her downed partner. If she could see herself in this moment she wouldn’t have so many doubts. But sadly that is not how crippling self esteem/confidence issues work. I just love watching her in the field and how well she handles herself.

Second my heart was racing from moment that man is shot in the chest. The entire moment is one giant adrenaline rush. Holy hell. Lucy covers for the duo until they reach her cover. Their airship is three minutes out and Lucy doesn’t think they can afford to wait. Wants to run down the alleyway solo. Cut him off so he doesn’t get away. That desperate need to prove herself rearing it’s ugly head.

Not only that but it is running the show for her right now. Harper immediately says no. That’s it's a 40 yard run in an open field. Lucy isn’t listening to her advice though. Level headed Lucy would've heeded her warning. Once again this season she is not with us in this moment. Saying to blow his head off if he pops up. That she’ll be alright. Angela doesn’t look pleased with this idea either. I mean look at her above. Concern written all over her. Her gut feeling screaming this isn't a good idea....But Lucy is hell bent on it.

This run had me holding my friggin breath. Tim would’ve lost his damn mind had he seen this. Not only that he would’ve ripped them a new one to letting her attempt it. When she got hit first time watched it I screamed. Held my breath until she got back up. Angela and Harper’s horrified faces mirrored my own. Couldn’t breathe till she popped back up. It was the most reckless risk she could've taken.

She is very very lucky her radio took the hit. It saved her damn life after that crazy run of hers. Lucy taking Tim's suggestion of being a big hero a little too literally. Honestly would’ve loved to have seen Tim tear them up for letting her do this... Reckless doesn’t seem strong enough of a word with this action. This decision of hers is a culmination of an episode long isolation. Of letting her emotions run the show and she took a risk that could've killed her. All to proof she could do it.

She had definitely given into those voices in her head telling her she’s not enough. Telling her she needs to prove herself or no one will ever think she’s worthy of moving up. To show she doesn't belong on patrol anymore. If she had just told her support system and really Tim how she was feeling. She wouldn’t have been this damn hasty. Lucy wasn’t thinking about what would happen if her radio didn’t catch that bullet. How utterly wrecked Tim would be if she had been hurt or even worse killed.

The problem being she kept all these emotions and struggles to herself. Which clouded her judgement. Her brain wasn't thinking in this capacity. This moment showing the continued communication problems in their relationship. How her decision could've really affected Tim. She wasn't thinking that in the moment though. Their communication issues go both ways with them. When they’re feeling emotionally distraught or vulnerable they isolate and take their problem on themselves.

Which results in foolish and hasty decisions. I.e. this moment above. And in next 2 eps with Tim...Something they gotta work on either before they’re back together or in the early repairing of their relationship. We get to see her KIA radio once she is clear. It very much saved her life and is now useless to her. I do love how she communicates with them before she pursues Jeff. Harper commending her on being smart in this moment. I mean they're in it now. So every move she makes from here on out has to be smart.

Lucy catches Jeff in the alleyway just like she wanted. Unfortunately he doesn’t look like he is interested in surrendering. Melissa crushes this scene oh my lord. The shaky way her voice breaks when she tells him to stop. To put his weapon down. Trying so hard to prevent a deadly outcome. I’m getting 5x19 flashbacks for her in this moment. Lucy dealing with the same issue Tim had. A person willing to die instead of give up. Despite them wanting to concede.

Lucy is basically pleading with this man to give up. She doesn’t want to shoot him. Doesn’t want it to end this way. Lucy is an empath as we all know. So her shooting him right or not she is going to carry it on her soul regardless. It’ll be a stain on it because she would’ve done anything to avoid this.

Lucy is on the verge of tears when she calls out Code 4. That the shooter is down. Ugh my heart. Adrenaline from end to end with this moment. Having it finish with a bang made my stomach sink for her. We watch how it affected Harper in 6x01 and she’s seasoned. How it affected Tim in 5x19. It’s never anything I wanna see our characters go through. Felt like I couldn’t catch my breath even after he was done. Such a good scene though.

Then comes the best part of the episode. Tim storming in like the worried husband he is. He has her work bag and I wanna cry. He has a death grip on it as he searches for the desk. I just love that he made sure to grab her bag before rushing off to the hospital. Man is on a mission to find her. Nothing matters to him but her in this moment. It’s the way he goes to the desk and they direct him to her immediately. He thanks the nurse with his tap to the counter.

I can’t imagine how he was when he first got the news. The look of sheer worry painted across his face when he steps foot into that hospital. Worried Tim is everything and Eric conveyed so much in these first two gifs. The first one is all concern and anxiety. He can’t breathe until he has laid eyes on his girl. The second one is relief in finding her. Tim completely by passes the gaggle of people outside of her room.

Doesn’t check in with them or see what happened at the scene. All that matters to him is getting to her. It’s the way he stops before he enters in. Taking a beat for the first time since he arrived. Then steeling some resolve knowing he needs it be her rock in this moment. Once he does this he steps into her room. Checking in and asking her if she’s hurt? He’s so gentle and soft like we all expect at this point with him. Doesn't take his eyes off her for one second as he sets her bag down.

Per usual the music department be killing it out here with the song selection. The soothing guitar and the singers soft voice are the perfect backdrop to this scene. His voice is as tender and comforting as Tim's tone through out the scene. Once again Melissa and Eric are the epitome of chemistry. Their amazing acting chops shining through in this moment. Melissa got me crying and all in my feels. Once Tim knows she’s physically ok it’s time to take care of her emotionally. The hand to her hair has me reeling. The way he strokes her head it’s so intimate and gentle.

Telling her she didn’t have to take his suggestion so literally. My heart. It’s all ‘hands hands hands’ from here on out. Like I said in 6x02 their physical chemistry forever floors me. It’s also just so damn sweet. Like he has to be touching her in order to know she’s ok. To reassure himself that she’s actually sitting in front of him right now. Saw a great tag said whenever we get hands like this makes them feral. How I felt about this entire scene.

So many wonderful facets to fangirl about and be feral over tbh. The man can’t stop touching her and I’m here for it. From the moment he was allowed to he was off to the races. Makes my heart so happy. He’s so tactile with her. It makes me wanna scream into a pillow. Touch is one of his languages with her but also their love language as well. It shows constantly. Honestly getting this soft scene after that adrenaline fest was much needed. That whole shooting scene had my blood pressure up.

I’m just bawling for Lucy after this. We get to see all she's been holding in. How incredibly upset she is about this whole situation. It's here with Tim comforting her she finally lets her walls down. Because her protector is there. He is there to pick up her broken pieces and put her back together. I know that feeling. Where you've been keeping it together. Then your person comes and asks if you're ok? And you realize how much you're not and the floodgates open.

That's Lucy in this scene. With tears in her eyes she tells him she doesn’t feel like a hero. Tim’s hand hasn’t left her at all btw. They both need this touch to ground them right now. I love how he rubs his thumb up and down her shoulder. Comforting her while she tells him her worst fear. The one thing that's been weighing on her soul since she released that shot in the alley. That she killed Jeff Budney. Asking Tim what if she killed him?

Tim crushing it with the comforting and being calm in his reply. So certain that no matter the outcome it’ll be ok. Why you ask? Because they’re going to deal with it together. The ‘Then we’ll deal with it.’ is EVERYTHING she needs to hear right now. Because yeah it’s bleak right now. But Tim wants to make sure she knows she isn’t alone. That he is there and no matter if he makes it or not he’s by her side. These are the exact reassurances she needs in this moment.

Lucy’s reaction has me crying some more. It’s the stifled cry when he tells her this. The sad shake of her head. Killing me softly. She couldn’t face the possibility of Budney dying. Not until her person showed up. Her fierce protector and love of her life standing by her side. Letting her know it’s ok. Even if it’s not it will be because they’ll face it together. Gah getting emotionally writing this up. This scene was primo on so many levels. *chef kiss.*

It’s here Grey and Wes enter the room. They let our lovely couple know he made it through surgery. Thank you Lord. The relief that floods Lucy is immense. I love how she looks at Tim and shakes her head. Needing his grounding stare as she takes in this news. Making sure it's real. Wes is quite the downer when he tells her for now. That if he dies later the investigation has to resume. The look on Grey’s face like WTF man…Let her have the win.

We see protective Tim step in after this. Asking if she can do her statement tomorrow? All he wants to do at this point is get her away from this hospital. From Jeff Budney and prying eyes. Wade is super sweet and turns on his dad mode and says that’s fine. Tries to get her to look and meet his fatherly gaze. She is too out of it to notice his kind look. All the more reason Tim needs to get her the hell out of this place.

Tim breaks her out of her revere with his touch as she watches them depart. I’m squeeing at the way he squeezes her collarbone, then soothes it with his thumb, before he moves his hand to the back of her neck. All the affectionate touches and very tender comforting has me ship drunk. His hand didn’t leave her for ninety percent of this scene. *happy sigh* He’s trying so hard to keep her there with him. To let her know he’s there and hasn’t left.

It’s the soft way he tells her ‘Let’s go home.’ also has me squeeing. Her home is now his home and I’m bawling. Like I said earlier all he wants to do is take her home and continue the comfort. Knowing the last place she needs to be is here. It’s the sweet smile on his face as he beckons her off the bed. Gah what a good man. Took care of her heart and soul in this moment.

Lucy doesn’t make it far before she is collapsing into his arms. Truly letting her walls down in full. Relaxing for the first time and melting completely against him. It’s the way she folds into his arms so easily. How he has her wrapped up in them immediately. Shielding her from the rest of the hospital. From this situation. One hand in her hair cradling her gently to his chest. How he is softly cupping the back of her head. The other wrapped around her nice and tight. Cocooning her in his embrace. His eyes shutting the minute he can feel her safely in his arms.

Tim breathing for the first time since he entered this room. All the while giving her the comfort zone of being in his arms. Gah it’s the slight sway that goes along with it that has me swooning. Rocking her in his arms sweetly. Trying to give her the solace she had been craving since that alleyway. Lucy hiding her face happily in his chest as he does this. Her hand placed on his chest as well has me happily sighing. No one does hugs quite like our couple does. The emotions they evoke out of me is unreal. They are top tier goodness.

To make the hug even sweeter we get a kiss to the head. The way Lucy wraps her arms around his back fully as he does this. Grounding her further as he takes care of her. They continue their lovely swaying as Tim places his cheek on her head. Resting it there lovingly. There’s a reason I kept this hug as my banner. Not that I don’t love the elevator hug in 6x09. I love it so much and will gush when we get there. But this hug ranks up there as top ones for me. Why you ask?

This hug just exemplifies how they provide comfort for each other. How physical touch is one of their primary love languages. They are each other's sanctuary. A happy and safe place amid the darkness their job brings. Coupled with the song playing in the background, the moment becomes even more glorious. It’s a beautiful scene made even more poignant by the this loving embrace.

I'm still not over how beautiful this scene is. You can see the stress and anxiety just drain out of Lucy. From the moment she is in his arms she is at peace. The same for Tim with pulling her into his arms. They both needed this hug so much. The continuity of the head kisses I’m here for as well. Gimme that all day long. In every future hug. I remember thinking as the shot panned out what would she have done without Tim in this moment? Without his wonderfully soothing comfort? Ugh what makes the next set of episode a gut punch that I still haven’t recovered from…

Thanks as always to my amazing readers who like, comment or reblog these reviews. Means the world to me. I shall see you all in 6x05 :)

~~~

Side notes-Non Chenford

I love Aaron going out with Tim for his first day. Going over the T.RA.I.N yummy T.O Tim in a Metro outfit. I will take that at every chance I can get it. If I had only know this was my last ep with him in that outfit would've appreciated it more 😭 Also this gif was for eye candy. Nothing more nothing less. How I wish to be the chair for which he leans upon in this scene. Metro outfit, badge showing, the way he is deliciously leaning against that chair. *fans self* Doesn't hurt Aaron is hilarious in his quest to please Tim LOL

We watch Nolan continue to be a terrible T.O. He lets Celina say a huge no no over the radio smh

Something else wanted to touch on for the Lucy having no support system. What happened with Jeff Budney is the direct result of not relying on said support system. I'm not blaming her. I have been her. Just want to make that very clear. But the gaggle of people outside her room worried about her is that system. Waiting to see what happens to her etc Everyone was worried about her and for her.

Other than Tim she does have it but as we know this season is super rough on her. So that is hard to see. Especially with losing her main pillar of that system in Tim. Which causes her to retreat even farther inside, but that’s for future eps to delve into. I remember D had this great post about how Lucy has been isolating for years. We were just finally seeing the result of that. Very true.

I mean only person she's really let in other than Jackson is Tim. That's it folks. Because she too has walls. She has Tamara but it's not the same as what she has with Tim. Once again hoping s7 resolves this isolation and her career path in the process. I'll be ok with her being put through it if we can have a good conclusion to go along with it.

Lastly the song running through the final scene is ‘Let it all go’ the lighthouse and the whaler. Such a good song.

[sunflowersred]

ANON…!

…who asked me “How. would Shanks react when he sees gear 5.” I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED YOUR ASK I’M SO SORRY. but let me respond.

at this point in the story i’m very sure we will actually see this reaction. and i’m very sure that Shanks knows the exact nature of the fruit Luffy ate—mostly because of this scene:

Dorry and Brogy are at Egghead to find Luffy, and in the same breath call him “Sun God.” a few chapters before, we saw Shanks talking to dorry and Brogy before he left Elbaf. I don’t think that the giants knew back when they met Luffy on Little Garden that Luffy is the same as Joyboy is the same as Nika. I think we are meant to infer, from all this, that Shanks is the one who told the giants that Nika is Here, in the World, that Luffy is There, and that Luffy is Him.

as for Shanks’ reaction to seeing gear 5…I think very much about the reactions of both Bonney and Vegapunk when they saw gear 5, Bonney’s tears and Vegapunk (I would call it) enraptured expression, calling Luffy beautiful…I think it could be along that range, or even More (I will explain below). now…

it’s my personal theory that Shanks is Nika’s greatest devotee—who has dedicated his life to seeing Nika brought into the world, to Joyboy’s return. I see this in connecting the dots on my cork board with my red string with pins in Roger’s statement to Rayleigh that their meeting was fate, to Roger saying he wished he could have met Joyboy, to Shanks’ tears over whatever it was Roger told him after Roger returned from Laugh Tale, to Shanks’ crew talking about how pirates are free, to Shanks . to how now, again, I am sure Shanks knows of Luffy’s powers, and looking back on his reactions to news that Luffy is making his way through the world, he always looks. well.

(it KILLS me, also, that this particular one happened at a WEDDING. ODA. UM. H-HELLO…)

I think very much about Oda’s offhand statement that Shanks is emotionally immature, I think about how Shanks relentlessly teased Luffy and finally expressed how much Luffy means to him after Luffy was in danger (Luffy is surprised and moved in chapter 1 when Shanks calls him “friend”!), I think about Shanks’ response to his crew saying pirates are free (“stop filling [Luffy’s] head with crazy ideas.”) I do think we will see Shanks’ true reaction to Luffy’s transformation, but I wonder if Shanks will hide his reaction from Luffy and Oda will show it only to us, the reader.

as a shipper I would find that possibility deliciously devastating. HOWEVER if it does happen like that I WILL write 1000 fics pushing them into situations where Luffy does see it because that is what feeds my soul. Shanks kissing Luffy’s hands, the hands that have brought down tyrants, Shanks kissing Luffy’s feet, the feet of his god who walks the earth. that Shanks smiled when he sacrificed his arm to save Luffy because he knew that to Nika, the Sun God, a sacrifice of food will give you his favor forever. how Shanks knows he cannot be the favorite of a god who loves all the world, but Luffy’s flag makes him feel like he could be. how Shanks wants to kneel at Luffy’s feet, but Luffy, but Nika, but Joyboy, does not want anyone to live a life on their knees. what the Experience of witnessing his god will be like for Shanks—Nika this laughing, dancing god, heartbeat the rhythm of a drum. His god, the god he has devoted his life to, sacrificed his flesh for. I think about the way Shanks COULD react, to seeing gear 5, and I think of all the great artworks of spiritual practitioners and mystics and saints and monks experiencing religious ecstasy. I think about the concept, in aesthetics, of the Sublime….

is this what we will get? I do not know. if we don’t, I will write about it (tbh, I have a couple of drafts combing over these themes and concepts that date back to the month gear 5 was revealed). so. I Will Make It Happen.

in addition to this, I would very much like to write about, whether Oda goes into it or not, how all of this gets Shanks all mixed up; loving his god, loving his boy (I think about the moment post-Wano where Shanks is looking at Luffy’s new wanted poster, the photo taken of Luffy clearly with Nika’s power awakened—and he is thinking about his happy memories of spending time with Luffy when Luffy was young) loving the man Luffy has become, how Luffy reminds Shanks of himself, how Luffy reminds Shanks of Roger, how Shanks wanted to keep Luffy safe, back then, how Luffy is the savior of oppressed and the vulnerable, now, how Shanks believes Luffy will usher in a New Age and how that will and has not been without struggle and sacrifice. Shanks, as a son of the Figarland family, a dynasty of slavers, leading a life of repentance, wanting absolution. I want to write all that WITH dimensions of sex and romantic love in their bond. To speak one more time of the canon, I think Shanks has ills in his soul (as so many of Oda’s characters do). I think as much as he has ever done Luffy will free Shanks from those. I think this will be perhaps the most intimate part of Oda’s story and I think Oda has had it in his head for all 27 years he has been writing this story and probably for a very long time before that. now…

now. am I, as they say, a “crazy fangirl” for any and/or all of the thoughts above? well. it is my experience that shipping shankslu (and ofc with lushanks agenda) is being in a state, as an audience member of this story, between hypersanity and utter delusion. either I’m God(a)‘s prettiest princess or I’m worse than the ZKK bros. either just the sheet of this ship has melded my shippers goggles to my head and it is so one with me I can’t look at the text without it, or when this ship first struck me like a bolt of lightning 3 years ago it was actually Oda, the #1 shankslu shipper, reaching out through the collective subconscious and suplexing me actually. which will it be? only time will tell.

[burningvelvet]

my thoughts on the tenant of wildfell hall so far (currently halfway through it)

1 Fergus is the prototypical teenage boy - they’ve never changed through time

2 I initially thought that Helen’s big secret was that she was a sex addict or serial adulterer tbh based on her speeches of indulgences, the focus on her being single, her constant guilt and religiosity, her flirtation with the narrator, the rumours surrounding her and Lawrence, etc.

3 (To compare to Pride and Prejudice which I just finished) Helen’s aunt = Mrs. Bennet, Mr. Boarham = Mr. Collins, Arthur = Mr. Wickham, Gilbert = Darcy, Annabella = Lydia

4 Gilbert striking Lawrence and then spending multiple pages contemplating it and trying to rationalize it afterwards LOL

5 The early meetings with Helen and Huntington and the drawings are so passionate — Arthur taking Helen’s hand, addressing her freely, generally swaggering around, “saving” her from the awful dudes, etc. — you can see why she likes him, you can see why he’s attractive, and all of this makes the story so much more appealing rather than if he had just been a total ass from the very beginning. It’s realistic. However, you can see the red flags early on, such as the non-consensual kiss, among other things. I already know what happens due to spoiling it for myself. Still, I absolutely see Huntington’s appeal as well as how Helen has been led toward him by her unhappy prospects (having to reject Mr. Boarham, her aunt’s harshness, her parents not being in the picture, etc.)

6 Arthur is SO Byronic. He’s so fucking entertaining and I know he’s supposed to be a jokester but he’s also hilarious when he’s not even trying. And I’m not laughing at Helen’s expense — of course domestic unhappiness and abuse is no joking matter IRL — but Arthur’s flippance, bitchiness, flamboyance, etc. is just so true to life and brings to mind the meme about men “having the audacity.”

7 I also think that not only is Arthur’s rumoured affair with the married woman probably true, but his sly hint about Annabella the “great flirt” also means they probably had an affair, and I’m sure he’ll have many other affairs exposed later on (I’m pretty sure I read that cheating becomes a major plot point later on). He was definitely cheating on her in London — her being pregnant, his poor excuses, his sad “you don’t love me anymore” mindset, etc.

8 I’m at the point where Arthur he’s just come home from London and he’s sick — I feel like this is not only a reference to his substance abuse but also probably a reference to STDs (if there’s anything I’ve learned from studying old lit, it’s that old lit is full of non-explicitly mentioned STD tropes).

9 I really cannot put enough emphasis on how much I love the use of paintings and drawings in this book! I feel like this would make a great play or film tbh — the physicality of her trying to snatch the drawing from Arthur, and the hidden pictures on the backs, such as the painting earlier on. I want to watch the adaptation series now.

10 Simultaneously wanting to cry and laugh at Helen confessing to her aunt that Huntington has no morals but she still thinks she can fix him. Every single time!!! “His wife shall undo what his mother did!” Ummmm!!!

11 It’s sad to see Milicent’s marital fate. She’s basically what Charlotte was to Elizabeth. The narrator’s adorable best friend who gets into a loveless marriage with the narrator unable to help, subsequently straining their relationship. I left off around Milicent’s engagement letter so I hope the wedding is called off but it probably won’t be. Milicent and Helen’s mutual naivety is really sad to read.

[mattscoquette]

there’s this guy, I’m gonna call him Shaggy cause his hair anyway shaggy has a girlfriend gonna call her flutter shy. When I found out he had a girlfriend it was like 1 day after I told my friends I liked him 😖😖 but my best friend was like ‘he’s been trying to break up with her and says she deserves better but she says no because he’s her honey boo boo bear’ lmao idk but I was sad. I only had a smidge thought he liked me because he would talk to me more than usual and stuff. And my friend noticed it too who sits right across from him in my ONE clsss with him. I’m gonna speed the story up but shaggy talks to me in the hallway at the end of the day. and one day that made me freak the fuck out he was like ‘you’re so short’ and was like teasing me about stuff 😭😭😖🙈🙈. ANYYYWAYYY fast forward to like hours ago and it was the end of the day, Friday and I was so glad he was here today (also I never actually act on my feelings so all these things happen bc he talks to me and I like exaggerating my feelings) I have my health class on Friday and they always go to the gym, he has gym that same period, we do this 4 in 2 thingy I’m not exactly sure where we run a quarter of a quarter of a mile and 2 laps of that. But people would line up and race like in track, and he was like talking to me and saying how he’d trip the person next to him stuff, lowkey funny. Anyway he went, then I went like 2 rows after him and EVERYBODY WAS WATCHING hated that. BUT he was talking to me and he said and I quote ‘I wanna do one next to you’ 😃😦. WHATTTT. ARE YOU SO FR RIGHT NOW. And ofc I had to be like ‘yk what I’m good id rather not be tripped’ ASJUJUJENUNDDUMOIEMKW anyway shaggy went next to this one annoying kid everyone hates and when I went my lap I asked why he didn’t trip him and he said ‘he was so slow that as soon as I started running and I glanced back he was still at the staring line’ ANYWAY that was a funny story that I LOVE and even my friend was like ‘should I ask him if he likes you?’ I said no, but also red flag he’s with someone he probably doesn’t like 😭😭. And my friend in that class I have with him she asked him ‘do you have a girlfriend’ and he said ‘I don’t even know’ 🤨🤨 sir what, you sat with her at lunch? ANYWAY HEH HELP ME

-💩

girl tbh it sounds like he likes u but don’t do anything until he’s fully out of a relationship

[hypergamiss]

This guy I’ve been on a total of 4 dates which he all payed for, drove me to and from we haven’t slept together yet only kissed, swiped up on my story I posted a selfie and goes “you’re so beautiful😍” and I was like “thank you ☺️” and he goes “I wish i can see you rn, id pull up on you” and I was like “did you go to a bar in cap hill?” And he goes “Nah i went a local bar but id be down to see you tonight if you down imma be up late anyways” Then sent me a picture on Snapchat of alcohol saying this could be us” I said “Oh okay haha I was kidding I didn’t think cap hill actually 😂 I’m sleepy though I just woke up, I want to see you too I just need to know before tonight’s not great” and he goes “damn I really want to see you though and Then goes “I really don’t care tbh want to see how big I am then sent me a Snapchat which I didn’t open then I next morning deleted the picture and the 2 other messages saying “damn I really want to see you tho and I really don’t care tbh want to see how big I am” ...I didn’t open any of those messages just half opened...the next morning I see he deleted the Snapchat he sent (idk if it was a dick pic, I’m assuming it was?) and deleted the other messages that said “damn I really want to see you though and I really don’t care tbh want to see how big I am”...he doesn’t know that I saw those messages but I’m honestly bothered he would do that? I made it clear I want a relationship and that’s my intention so why would he think it’s okay to attempt to booty call me or if I’m wrong see me this last minute? Our other dates he would always ask me a week in advance and never day of last minute...he may have been drunk but I’m just confused? He also hasn’t been talking consistently especially after I’ve canceled on him...we don’t and never have texted everyday even though he says he wants a relationship we have only been texting when he has initiated dates and he even called them dates too...I have canceled on him last minute and other times so not saying I’m perfect but don’t get why he’s behaving in this way? Should I cut him off?

I applaud you for sticking to your boundaries! From the context that you've given, it seems like he's testing your boundaries to see what he can get away with aka what you will allow.

I think your assumptions are correct about the photos because I can't articulate what else that could be. Especially since they were deleted. It's hard for me to believe that a man would "accidentally" do this even if he was drunk because he was conscious enough to go back and delete it. Someone drunk/incoherent wouldn't have enough brains to go back and delete it. Seems very intentional to me.

The bit of chivalry he showed before the booty call seems to have been a charade to get into your pants. As if you held on long enough for him to show his true colors/intentions. This is exactly what you want(imo). Him not talking to you consistently after the incident only reinforces this. And men will lie and tell you that they also want a relationship just to get to sleep with you.

Ultimately it's your decision. If I was in your shoes, I would not continue to date him. Too many red flags, confusion, and inconsistencies. Someone who is genuinely interested in you will not let you be confused for a single second.

[lookismaddict]

Thoughts on Gun as a musician? What type of music will he make? Will he cause a controversy at any music award show?

Gun as a musician…? Tbh idk if you meant someone who plays an instrument, or someone who sings/raps/etc. But ugghhhh… I’m honestly torn at the thought of it at first. However, this is what I think Gun as a musician would be:

He’ll be a singer of some sort. His voice? Husky, lower octave than the average singer, and more of a bass tone? (If that makes sense, lol.) Overall, I imagine this man having a deep voice when he sings, and he’ll probably be one of those singers who sings sensual R&B or songs that revolve around getting fucked up or flaunting his money. Kinda like DEAN’s or some of TAEMIN’s (from SHINee) music. The theme that he wants to portray through his music is how being rich is powerful. More of a darker bad boy image than the typical “K-pop” vibes. Corrupt, confident, and definitely cocky.

God, I can go forever just comparing DEAN & TAEMIN’s outfits to Gun’s.

However, his manager would try and force him to sing actual love songs (yk the sappy songs), and then he’ll refuse because he believes that it doesn’t fit his image as a whole. He’s very picky at who he collabs with in his songs, and the probability of him choosing you as the featured artist for his song would be close to zero. 1% accepted, while the other 99% will most likely hate him and his ego for not being chosen. (He’ll make an exception for Daniel Park.) Okay, but imagine him PERFORMING these songs on stage. I feel like he’d be down to learn how to dance, just to show off how much of a “perfect” human being he is. He’s very confident in his own skills, so dancing shouldn’t even be a problem for him. This man’s a perfectionist down to the last T. Don’t even get me started on his actual lifestyle. If he were to become a musician, he’d definitely cause a lot of scandals. The guy is a walking problematic red-flagged artist. (I don’t know if you can even compare him to Seungri, from BIGBANG. Because his scandals had me shocked even to this day.💀)

And if he did go to a music award ceremony, he definitely would cause a LOT of controversy. But let’s be honest, this man doesn’t give a FUCK about what he says or does when faced in front of the camera. This man is too prideful to even thank anyone, but himself for his own achievements. And he will be challenging artists and call them out, saying that he’ll beat them to #1 on the Billboard Charts or something. Yeah, he’s THAT arrogant asshole that everybody HATES in the music industry.

Gun’s speech: “The only person that I’d like to thank is myself. Without me, I wouldn’t have been the best artist of this year’s ceremony. Why would they even give me the title in the first place, if I weren’t the best in the music label? Also, every other artist who isn’t considered to be #1 should just step down and leave the industry. There’s no way that they’ll ever BE in my level.” *mic drops then leaves the stage in silence, taking his trophy with him while walking back to his seat unbothered by the speechless crowd*

[lorddarkkitty]

I wanted to get hair twists but I couldn’t find one that I liked to buy. So of course I decided to get the some supplies and try making it myself aha (^_^;).

I got the rose gold wire in 16g and I got charms and like rose gold chain. Tho I am struggling. I didn’t know that the wire would be hard to bend

And my hands get sweaty and slippery quickly. That and I need to find a way to straighten the wire bait so I can measure it so I can make more.

Tho it’s very hard to get it straight.

like damn I know I’m queer but getting it straight shouldn’t be that are that difficult hahahahhhh

Anyway here was my first attempt

And my second attempt didn’t do great either but this is something I was new at so make sense it not gonna come out perfect.

And I Third attempt came out nice but shorter than I wanted it to be and the twist is going the wrong way for me.

As you can see the my third attempt twist was much better so I added the charms to it and it looks great in my hair. But I will be making another longer one and add the charms there.

My forth attempt the wire is straight-ish. It still a little… not straight but I did the best I could lol.

The straight-ish wire that I will be making my forth attempt with

The other reason why I want to make my own is cause I want to get like polymer clay? I think it’s called and make like a little Victoria punk charms and make a hair twist with that or like earrings or something.

But you see with same as working with jewelry wire, I’ve never worked with polymer clay and I’ve never sculpted before so idk how I would go about it cause I don’t want to accidentally make it too big. And I have references of how to Victoria punk looks. And maybe make a little charm of Killer’s mask. OMG I THINK THAT BE SOO CUTEEEEEEE. Ahh I love Killer a lot.

Tbh now that I think of it Killer would look nice with hair twists in his hair. Since it long enough to hold a hair twist. And I can just image what type too. Like with charms of maybe their Jolly Roger flag, his own Jolly Roger, a mini version or his mask or his punishers, or even the fish head of the Victoria Punk.(these are ideas I will probably try to make myself with the clay) and the metal of the hair twist themselves would probably be made by Eustass lol and in some colors like Gold, red, blue. Heat would also look good in them. I’m sure the girls in the kid pirates crew would wear things pertaining to them or even like punk stuff like spikes or something. Idk I think it’s neat.

And I would like other one piece charms that aren’t obviously too big so they’re not bulky on the hair twists but I wouldn’t know where to find that.

Tho I am having fun and I have other ideas of what I want to make hair twist of too.

[zorya-reads]

Chapter 17.

The Lost Princess

Context: You know that classic 'kidnapped with a blindfold' moment at surprise birthday parties? Yeah, Leviathan saw that, and pinned it to their Pinterest board: "Surprise Bday Party Ideas for Jamie“, courtesy of Papa Leviathan, the CEO of the 501(c)(3) non-profit org.

I love how the first sentence is “Jamie Volk had been trained to become a perfect machine, picking up on every detail, alert to every danger.” No boy. NO, YOU F*CKING DON’T. (Meanwhile, I’m having a convo with @darthvadersinhaler about him being oblivious for, like, 300 pages or something.) 

In fact, like half of these are DMs I sent a mutual. LOL.

NOT HIM RUNNING OFF BECAUSE HE’S A LOLLIE HATER. 

Ok, tbh, the whole “he was trained to sense any danger and any detail” doesn’t hit well when Haru was the one to point out the presence of best-girl Ingrid on the same page.

Jamie, why TF do you have a thirst for revenge?

Just get your stress ball, god damnit.

HARU, YOU FUCKING TRAITOR. I FUCKING HATE YOU. What do you mean you OFFER JAMIE THE OPPORTUNITY TO GO AFTER INGRID and then STRAIGHT UP LIE?? Also, what the hell is up with you giving Jamie the confidence that running off is a good idea??? BRO???

Also, Jamie, what TF did you think you are going off against Ingrid after your encounter in the Tompkins mansion went SO INCREDIBLY WELL /s?

Ingrid offending Jamie as a partizan >>>>

Ok, nvm.

A GOAT HAHA. LoOk At tHe rEferEncE I mAde beCAuse I’m SuCh A mAstErmInd.

Guys, Rabbit, Bird, and Goat masks (plus the spider swords that give me arachnophobia every time they’re mentioned) make for A TERRIBLE AND MESSY BRANDING. What you guys need is a total rebranding! Ad campaign! PR blast! Get your faces out there! (/ref SAOA)

Not the idiots revealing the identity of their master. Gosh, Leviathan is really so stupid.

Jamie is even more stupid.

“Yeah, it would be stupid to fight the random Leviathan guys since they’re outnumbering me. I’m out of breath, too, since I literally just battled one of them.” “Yeah, nvm, let’s do that. I don’t have anything planned for my evening yet.”

Slay the G.O.A.T. just wanted to give Jamie a bit of attention for his birthday and even brought a present.

The Goat just wanted a bit of quality time with his son. 🥹🥹

Be Ellie? No. Be Lottie? No, and ghost her for weeks. Be Haru? Hmmmm, allow being crossed over boundaries. But no. Be Leviathan, this evil, evil corp that annoys you 24/7 and tries to hurt you and your friends? YEAH, BRING OUT THE CAKE AND PRESENTS!! :D

I love how they’re all like, “Aww, I just want to sing Happy Birthday,” and Jamie’s like, “Alr, Alr, I’ll listen 🥺🥺 but pwease don’t hurt me.” And evil, evil 501c3 non-profit CEO is like, “Sure, but pwease pwease don’t hurt us as well.”

AND OH MY GOD, WE'RE IN THEIR HEADQUARTERS??? I thought they we’re still on random streets. Gosh, that writing is confusing. (Or my bad, who knows.)

Them having a birthday party? Aww.

NO, I DO NOT GIVE A SH*T THAT THEY’RE MANIPULATING. THIS IS WHOLESOME, OKAY? LET THAT FOUND FAMILY HAVE A MOMENT, YOU HATERS >:C (Yes, when Haru does it, it’s a red flag, but when Leviathan does it, it’s wholesome. But did Haru get his holy 501(c)(3) non-profit status approved by the IRS? No! See my very valid point here? D:)

“Are you happy to be a partizan?” See? They’re very concerned about Jamie’s future and want him to take the right career path!!!! D:

They have a big-boy talk on his birthday. Very reasonable. Very demure. A+ parenting.

Yes! Let Jamie join Leviathan!!!! Better career chances, promotions, better healthcare, and vacation days!!!!

NOOO, JAMIE, DON’T CALL THEM OUT FOR MANIPULATING. THEY ONLY WANT THE BEST FOR YOU!!!! D:<

Not the 501(c)(3) CEO considering all his employees and subordinates his children. Sir, HOW MANY CHILDREN DID YOU MAKE???? We know there’s at least... one.

NO WAY HE ACTUALLY REFERENCES HIS SON.

Plot twist: Jamie’s the son of Leviathan. muhahaha.

Plot twist: The G.O.A.T played Sims 4 100 Baby Challenge, and the love interests were all elite and royal families, and now he’s on a mission to reconnect with all his children. :D

In all honesty, I really appreciate the line where Jamie acknowledges that the Goat-Man and him are having coequal trauma.

Okay, the gang figured out the best timing for making calls every time somebody gets kidnapped.

Aww, Jamie immediately knows the one calling him is Lottie.

Headcanon: He knows because the vibrations and ringtone music set for Lottie are special.

Ok, IF the bird is actually a person we know that would be SUCH a cool way for the characters to figure out there’s a traitor based on the wound. The potential for drama here is huge. To be fair, though, the payoff would hit way harder if there was an actual fight involved instead of just a few lines of acknowledgment. So I'm just tossing random theories out. (And because I really want Haru to suffer /j ... OOPS.) BUT THIS WOULD WORK PERFECT AS FORESHADOWING ON-SCREEN.

THE GOAT NOT ACKNOWLEDGING IT HAHAHA.

Jamie and Ingrid being Inej1 and Inej2.

NOT THEM BEING SCARED FOR JAMIE

HAHA

It’s a wonder they didn’t put the Hamelin formula in the cake. Which is super interesting. If Jamie had acknowledged it, we could have assumed they can’t properly produce and execute it yet, or that the G.O.A.T. is too nice as some sort of foreshadowing.

Will Ingrid get fired after this???? Please.

✧ Read All Chapter Reactions

Premise: I’m rereading the Rosewood Chronicles Series for the first time after years, so take my chaotic commentary with a grain of salt (or a whole salt shaker). Open to spoilers.

[art-forlater]

rant:

i think ppl who think you’re always supposed to put your partner before everyone and everything are ppl who enable abuse. when you’re making a narrative they’re more important than anything, you should never be okay with ppl “saying bad thing” about them, basically never question them you make them doubt the ppl around them when they get worried about serious things like abuse or cheating. im not saying you should listen to every word ppl say but is it really insane to consider they’re not perfect or when you’re getting told the same red flag by many ppl it might be there. also tho that narrative helps isolate ppl and makes it easier for a toxic relationship to occur. like my friend listened to ppl like that so when ppl say bad about her partners she just ignores it bc they could do wrong so when her ex strangled her, she didn’t listen and went back and he did it again. thankfully she realized and left but even that took too long bc she was convinced he loved her and that when someone loves you they won’t hurt you bc she listened to ppl who said that shit. now she’s with a racist homophobe, despite being mixed and bisexual, and ignores his homophobia/racist shit bc “he doesn’t mean it like that, esp not at me” like when you raise ppl to prioritize romantic relationships over any other relationship in their life, you raise the chances of them being in shit relationship. and quiet fucking honestly i’m sick of ppl getting upset when you say you shouldn’t prioritize or hold romance above all else, esp when they get pissy they don’t have any real friends bc they alienated them for someone they barely even knew, then they get stuck in a long term thing with no escape. seriously, ppl need to value other relationships in their life more. i wish i could find ppl around me that do, it’s so annoying and lonely seeing your friends constantly date douche bags, cut you off bc you call it out, then expect you to pick the pieces up when they finally realize. im always gonna care but tbh i’m losing some empathy. why do you expect ppl to stick around, esp when the asses you date disrespect me too. im trans and the girl with the racist homophobe lets him be transphobic and doesn’t stop it and she misgenders ppl when with him so now i’m wondering if when she talks about me, she’s misgendering me and now i feel like i can’t trust her bc some man who disregards her wants and needs, from the very beginning, is more important than our life long friendship. i know i should walk away but she’s basically isolated herself, again bc of who she dates. i hate throwing that away but also she doesn’t seem to values friends. im sick of watching ppl ignore obvious red flags, ignore warnings about red flags, and getting surprised when exactly what i said would happen, happened, and then expecting me to, honestly care. like i genuinely don’t and i feel like a tool for it bc abuse is complicated but it’s like if they keep doing it and nothings helping them, it’s like waiting for a train wreck and i don’t wanna watch anymore crashes. idk. i hate it all. people just suck. at least where i live. i wonder if there are ppl out there who get it. if one day i don’t gotta live watching everyone around be used and abused. i hate it

[starlight-edith]

Can I ask what happened with the rose fisted glove person? Just curious tbh u don't have to answer

I made a post because I’m trying to get in contact with someone who doesn’t use their discord anymore and that happens to be the only way I know how to contact them. Rose jumps in and says no one should give me a way to contact him because that’s a super common abuse tactic and I could be putting him in danger. I then reblogged it trying to explain that I was in no way attempting to put anyone in danger, as well as asking if they remembered me because we used to be friends years ago (or so I thought, we talked about Judaism and I confided my deepest traumas in them and given they gave me advice and never at any point asked me to stop, I, being 13, assumed that meant they actually gave a flying fuck about me).

They then ignored this reblog.

Then others starting coming having seen it from their add on which was insinuating that I was an abuser and reblogged it too. I tried to explain to the new people but they ignored me as well.

So I made a new updated post in which I explained that I was in no way shape or form forcing anyone to do anything and all I was truly asking was for someone who knew him to let him know that I wanted to talk. Then rose jumps in again and starts saying my situation has a ton of red flags and essentially again insinuates that I’m trying to stalk and abuse him. I then explained that that was not the case and as we were friends they know damn well that I was the victim of not only abuse but also stalking. I also happened to mention that I was unhappy that they were making me cry on Shabbat which is meant to be a day of rest, so they came back with the same complaint.

When I came back and showed them literal video evidence that if anything the person I’m looking for is the abuser (he responded to being called an idiot by calling me slurs) they accused me of doctoring the conversation. Then they mocked me for becoming upset by saying that I had formed a “parasocial bond” with them and we were never friends, as well as saying something along the lines of “no matter how much you write in big text that doesn’t change that this is dangerous”

When I begged them to just drop it because they put this horrible insinuated accusation on their much larger blog which was resulting in several people literally thinking I’m an abuser because of their add on to my innocuous post that had nothing to do with them, they called me follower obsessed and claimed I was “ascribing a hell of a lot of power” to them (It’s not ascribing if it’s true??? They were literally the biggest blog in all of Jumblr in 2017 and I assume that hasn’t changed much)

The whole interaction is on my blog, just scroll down until you find the original post. The add ons will be in the notes and easily readable to you. The second post starts with “🎵here I am once again🎶” (it’s a quote from a song and I was trying to lighten the mood because I was feeling extremely upset) which you can find the additions in the notes of as well. I would link you to them myself but I’ve blocked everyone involved.

I can accept that I thought we were closer than we were but I refuse to accept being called abusive and then being told by everyone around me that that’s not what happened — you don’t have to say something outright to create consequences for the other party. I’m already feeling them.

I never even intended to make a second post about the person I was looking for, but I felt the need to because of the allegations (that rose swears up and down they didn’t make)

[kwockxpressions]

Weimen Yang

1. Name, Year, Major & Hometown 

Weimen Yang, 4th Year, Computer Science, Sacramento, CA

2. What are you most proud of? 

I am most proud of myself for being able to see everyone's ugly faces everyday.

3. If you could choose a Sanrio character as a pet, which one would it be and why?

I don't know. Anyone that likes Sanrio is a red flag tbh. I think Keroppi cause he got a fat butt (just like me fr) and that tongue finna go wild 💀💀🙄👀.

4. What is the biggest green flag in someone? 

Biggest green flag? Definitely not whatever you consider is a green flag cause you a walking red flag. To be honest, the biggest green flag in someone is when they ask for pics of my poop or sniff the restroom after I destroy the toilet like I destroy my enemies (my meat).

5. What’s your biggest ick? 

Biggest ick is you. Someone that doesn't put in new toilet paper when we run out (I have to use my hands to wipe my ass). Someone that doesn't refill the soap bottle ( I know you have no soap in there to wash your hands after you take a shit or piss. Dirty af). Someone that doesn't refill Brita filter water (it literally takes 15 seconds, you can wait 15 seconds before going back to your game. You're gonna lose anyways so it don't really matter. Skill issue tbh 💀💀💀)

6. If you were Kirby, who/what would you swallow and become? 

If I was Kirby, I'm most definitely swallowing my own dick and becoming myself cause I'm just built different you feel me :-) But actually, I think I wanna swallow you so I know what it feels like to be a bitch 😂🤣

7. What’s the most embarrassing moment in your life? 

Most embarrassing moment in my life is realizing that the human body can run out of ejaculate for a day and you need to let it recharge :-(

8. When’s the last time you cried? 

Last time I cried is right now, as I am typing up this whatever tf this is called.

9. What’s your most used emoji? 

🤓

10. What do you value in friendship and tell me about your best friend? 

Friendship is a precious bond that enriches our lives, providing companionship, support, and a sense of belonging. When it comes to valuing friendship, several key aspects hold immense importance for me. Firstly, trust forms the foundation of any strong friendship. The ability to confide in each other without fear of judgment or betrayal fosters a deep sense of security and allows for open and honest communication. Trust is an essential ingredient that strengthens the bond and creates a safe space for mutual understanding.

Another vital aspect I value in friendship is loyalty. A true friend stands by your side through thick and thin, offering unwavering support and loyalty. This commitment transcends mere proximity or convenience and extends to being there for each other, even in the most challenging times. Knowing that you have a friend who will always have your back is incredibly comforting and reassuring.

Moreover, shared values and interests are crucial in fostering a strong and lasting friendship. When you have common ground and aligning beliefs, it becomes easier to connect on a deeper level and engage in meaningful conversations. The ability to enjoy similar activities, pursue shared passions, and understand each other's perspectives strengthens the bond and creates a sense of unity.

Reflecting on my best friend, I am fortunate to have someone who embodies these qualities. Sarah, my best friend, has been an incredible pillar of support and understanding in my life. We met during our college years and instantly clicked due to our shared sense of humor and interests. Over the years, Sarah has consistently shown unwavering loyalty and trustworthiness. I can confide in her without reservation, knowing that my secrets are safe and my vulnerabilities won't be exploited.

Sarah's loyalty has been a constant source of strength during difficult times. She has been there for me through various ups and downs, offering a listening ear, heartfelt advice, and a shoulder to lean on. Her presence in my life has made the journey more meaningful and enjoyable. We share a multitude of interests, from exploring nature to discussing books and engaging in intellectual debates. This shared passion for growth and learning has deepened our friendship and enabled us to support each other's personal and professional endeavors.

In essence, friendship is a treasure that should be nurtured and cherished. Trust, loyalty, and shared values are the pillars on which strong friendships are built. Through Sarah, I have experienced the beauty and depth of such a bond, and I am grateful for her unwavering friendship.

[theshypinkflower]

PART TWO!!

It wasn’t until I finally redrew her after months of not drawing her that I realized I spelt her name wrong 😭 it’s not “Azure” it’s “Azula” (I can’t believe I forgot my own characters name)

Old and new deisgn comparison

She’s actually the cult leader for the church of Strade! I haven’t come up with a name for it tbh. I imagine Strade at least showed up to SOMEONE (how else would he get a following) and that person went online searching for answer. Azula stumbled across their post and thus the two former a bond. Azula actually doesn’t believe in ghost or demons or the supernatural, if anything it’s a laughing matter for her. Azula loves watching cult documentaries and observing the behaviors of cult leaders, so when she saw the opportunity to make a cult she seized it. She’s very much power hungry so she naturally killed the guy who ACTUALLY encountered Strade. The cult targets a lot of young college people and what not. Worse part is I haven’t given this guy a name or a design either 😭 which I guess makes sense for Azula to erase any traces of his presence in the cult (he didn’t even wanna make a religion out of what he saw)

Next up is Mikey! I imagine Dean/Jackal fought during the war in Afganistan and Mikey was his closest buddy. The design is pre enlisting cause they have you shave your hair at boot camp and all that. He’s one of those guys who enjoys vintage records n dresses like he’s from the wrong decade. He’s constantly referred to as a “hippie” by Dean since Mikey has a “make love not war attitude.” He HATES having to fight but frankly he’s broke with little qualifications for a job and the army pays well. He doesn’t know why he trusts Dean so much, it’s kinda that “better to trust someone than no one” mentality. Two heads are better than one! Of course you know me WE DONT HAVE HAPPY ENDINGS HERE!! He gets his head blown off on tape and it gets sent to Dean’s base and of course he sees it. Trauma sets in and as a protective response Dean’s mind turns that trauma into a turn on.

Along with Mikey there’s also Cheri. (“Pronounced Cherry!”) (I know I need to redraw her I haven’t drawn her in months)

She works at a diner Dean frequents and they’re basically just buddies. She’s always there when Dean comes in and Dean is one of those guys who just talks to their waiter. She doesn’t really care for Dean because she knows he’s a bit of a questionable cop, but as long as he leaves a good tip she won’t say anything. She has TERRIBLE customer service skills and is known to curse out customers if they curse at her first. There’s not much to say cause she’s less of a plot point and more of just a character for another to interact with. On holidays when Dean comes in (he’s got no family to spend the holidays with lmao and if he did he’d still be working like he is when he comes in) she gives him a free pie. Their only semblance of a friendship is just calling each other names.

“Merry Christmas, you lonely bastard.”

“Merry Christmas, you cunt.”

I actually don’t do much with Jerald. He’s just meant to be a hindrance for Mason and his hunting. He was a big time reporter in New York, but being a reporter means some bad company. After narrowly avoiding a shooting, his boss suggested he move away for a bit until the tension dies down. He moved to Colorado (which where I believe Mason resides) and just kinda lives his life. He loves hiking and taking in nature, in fact he picked up photography! But during one of these photography sessions he starts noticing that the forest where Mason loved isn’t completely alone. He’s noticing bear traps, strange indents in trees left by bolts, and frankly his red flags are raised! Being the reporter he is, it’s his job to start investigating. Problem is the forest is HUGE and it’s easy to get lost so exploring it is rather a daunting task. Let’s just pray he gets to keep his nose with all that poking around he’s doing.

I have some characters who EXISTS but they either have no design or a name. One of these is Rhino’s daughter, I’ve mentioned in fanfic and I’m previous posts she exists. I might’ve given her a name in my Rhino fanfic on my AO3 but I DEFINITELY don’t remember it. Another character I made is Keyboard. In a previous post I talked about a gore archive that exists in the BTD/TPOF universe and Keyboard is the owner of said archive! I had a design for Keyboard but they looked too much like Fairy from TINR so I scrapped it. There’s not much to say about them other they’re a chill and laid back person who spends a lot of time online. They have a degree in computer science and when they’re not working on the archive, they’re doing coding. Theyre a huge Strade and Fox fan, but it’s definitely not Jen extreme fan.

Oml this took forver to write I hope you guys enjoy all my characteds eheubeiubeuibe

Your style of writing and vibe reminds me of cherrybakewell.ocs on tiktok! Oh and is there other ocs you have for tpof/btd? If so, which ones are your main ones?

Beuwwuhiwhuiwuihw thank you so much I appreciate the compliments <3

I have tons of little ocs, msotly they’re for TPOF. They’re ocs but they’re more like little side characters I use since we don’t know a ton about the world within BTD/TPOF.

My biggest character would HAVE to be Salvatore. He’s less oc and more of fanon deisgn. I was really nervous posting him but I’m so happy he’s been well received. If you don’t know, Salvatore is the name (albeit with the help of my friends) dubbed Derek’s dad. Of course I made more charactes but they’re not huge plot characters.

Apart from the siblings (which I only have two designed) I drew Sal’s family. His father was Matt and was originally married to a woman named Andrea who he had two kids with (Janet and Sebastian). After a miscarriage Andrew completely lost it and ended up having to get a lobotomy which destroyed Matt. His kids still needed a mother so he remarried Esther who gave birth to Sal. Sebastian and Janet hate their little brother, they think he’s so spoiled (which he is) and frankly annoying. Really it’s Esther and Matt’s fault. At this point Matt was an alcoholic and didn’t pay much attention to his kids, and well Esther was a huge narcissist who loved starting drama and of course used Sal to help her.

The two Goffard siblings I’ve given names to and designs are Rochelle and Gwendolyn. The third and fourth in the line of siblings. I’ve already written their character descriptions and it’s probably somewhere under the #tpof oc tag. I do have more but they don’t have designs or character descriptions yet (worse part is I named up the name list 😭). Do note none of their ages are really set in stone. They’re kind of like place holder ages? I have a timeline I made and with some new knowledge I have to rework it. Plus figuring out the time from when Sal married, to conceived a kid(s), and then killed his wife is such a struggle. (WHY DID HE HAVE TO HAVE FIVE WIVES SND ELEVEN KIDS)

My second biggest character who I don’t post on here but I drew a fair amount of id Jennifer (Jen).

QUICK AVERT YOUR EYES CHILDREN THERES NUDITY AND GORE AND TRYPOPHOBIA

I was going to post the last one for Halloween but as you can see I never finished it!

Anways Jen is like Fox’s “rival” in the live stream torture business. A really bad wannabe rival. Those ears and tail? I’m not sure if you can tell by the manic orange hair dye but shes not a real beastkin. She just wears it to be more like fox. She’s a HUGE fan of him, and I mean HUGE. To the point it’s annoying. She does a lot more SH than Fox does since it’s just easier to hurt herself than kidnap victims like fox does. She’s based off that childhood experience (at least my childhood) of growing up on the internet due to emotional neglect from parents. Especially without internet restrictions. She stumbles across shock sites and gore content and it just becomes her things. She’s smelly, she’s an incel, and I love her.

(THIS HAS TO BE A TWO PARTER THANKS TO TUMBLR’S IMAGE LIMIT)

[sanjisblackasswife]

(FLUFF/NSFW) Let’s Talk About: Gojo Having a Black Girlfriend/Wife

Fluff

This mf loves black women

Look at him

Ultimate light skin

We all know Gege said he wouldn’t be good in a relationship.

However it’s not because he’s a cheater

Why do people aim him to be a red flag do y’all even know anything about this man’s true character

But to circumstance .

But let’s say he can have a partner.

You are the first and only candidate for this man and if you turn him down he may hit on Geto

I HC Gojo as straight but I still enjoy making jokes about him and Geto being a couple

A lot of women threw themselves at Gojo but you didn’t .

Not to say you were not like other girls oh no

You wanted to sit on his cock too, but you had a standard of yourself

Tbh Gojo as a boyfriend would be like having a little brother.

He annoys

Your entire well being.

Takes your wigs (if you wear em) and plays Megan thee Stallion in the bathroom

Bro is the type to use that audio “I was out nigga’d and I will never be out nigga’d again” when he records himself braiding your hair

He braids amazingly btw

Speaking of TikTok yes he is TT Famous and y’all have an account together

Bro does damn near every couple trend just to show you off.

I’d also like to add Gojo didn’t start off showing you off you actually hid y’all relationship from anybody for about a year

He told you off rip he didn’t want many people to know about you just yet becasue he knew you’d probably be a target. If you didn’t agree to that then it’s curtains for your relationship

But since you were so understanding Gojo actually cherished that.

Hiding the relationship wasn’t that hard. He was a busy man and you were a busy woman so if anybody saw y’all together it was pretty rare.

Lowkey killed him though after a few months because he really wanted to do some PDA.

LOVES PDA

Love love LOVE

Lingering touches, butt slaps, kisses, whatever he loves it.

If you’re not into it he’ll try some self restraint but don’t get mad if he loses his mind when y’all get home

Would love to have kids with you!

“I’d call them my 2 piece and a biscuit.”

“The hell is wrong with you.”

“Little mocha babies…”

“CAN YOU—-“

Loves calling you mama(s) or mommy

If you like it it’s fine but if you don’t it’s worse because then he’ll keep going

Despite his confidence he can be very insecure sometimes

You didn’t even know this man could have such a low view of himself but that was about 2 years into the relationship he finally revealed the real him

Yes two years and that’s if y’all already been friends years prior to going out

He doesn’t open up easy but he learns to trust you

Some days he comes back to exhausted and mentally drained but he keeps a fake smile for you.

But you Seen right through his BS.

You don’t try and push any issues too far but you show with action you’re there. Some days you just grab him and place him on top of you on the couch, take off his blindfold and rub his back and hair

He’s gotten real emotional a few times when you did it, mostly because you’ve done it on days he just needed a hug.

You’re his literal teddy bear because of this.

He’s 6’7” so he towers over you when he slings his body on top of yours. He also throws you around a lot

“PUT ME DOWN MF—AH!”

He’ll pull your shorts down and give you brown booty a nice slap before rubbing it a little

“Shut up we’re taking a nap.”

Gojo really loves how you cook btw

Moreso what you bake

Mans has a sweet tooth out of this world so if you are a baker you’re now his personal chef.

Also don’t think the love you have for him is one sided he definitely shows his love for you too. He may be an ass sometimes but he’s an amazing listener.

His advice is usually what’s helps you best. Granted it’s not always what you wanna hear but Gojo is an exceptional listener and observer so if you ever feel bad it doesn’t go unnoticed by him

Can I also add y’all have so many inside jokes omg

The amount of references y’all can do in a conversation is so amazingly scary

Also once a month or so Gojo looks for a new show for you both to binge, and discuss about

Y’all are currently watching Hunter x Hunter together

“Killua would be an excellent student of mine.”

“He’d hate you.”

Dating him is like dating your best friend.

Gojo really likes to just have dates at home, you both cook together, play some video games , and just joke around

Not to say he won’t take you out he most definitely will though.

“I got you this dress be ready by 9…and don’t wear panties.”

“HELLO—“

Nsfw

Gojo is a pervert…he really is.

You didn’t know how bad it was when he was once really drunk and showed you his photo gallery to show you some memes he saved but accidentally showed the album of lewd photos of you on there.

“Oh! Ooooh! Oh this wasn’t the video…haha.”

A whole video of him recording you getting pounded from the back

“SATO—?!”

“Sorry…you look hot though lookit!”

Panty sniffer

Panty stealer

Takes the panties you wear when you’re on your period to replace them with thongs

“My pad wont fit—“

“It’s okay just wear a towel.”

You hate him sm

He casually makes remarks about sex

Like just randomly on a Thursday morning during breakfast

“Baby tonight when you suck my dick can you also sit on my face? I promise you’re not heavy.”

Like mf we are eating French Toast watching Sponegbob what’s wrong with you.

Speaking of being heavy he likes to pick you up and fuck you on the wall

Like

ALOT

He is most definitely the “Gentle lover but fucks you like a beast” trope

Wont admit it but loves eating your ass

He does very long licks when eating you from the back just to lick you ALLLLL THE WAY.

He has asked if you wanted to get your pussy pierced too.

He seen it in a porno and thought it’d look so hot on you.

“But—“

“No.”

Still asks like once a week

Gojo is a Butt man.

That’s why he loves doggy style with you.

The way your pretty melanin is so shiny and wet jiggling off of Gojo’s pelvis makes him so turned on he sometimes can’t last too long

“Fuck baby I’m cuming!” He whines as he slams behind you harder gripping at your thick hair.

His hand is never not on your butt

Ok one more thing on him being a pervert

He really likes taking pictures of you

Like ALOT

Sometimes you’ll know and other you won’t

Which are his favorite.

He has a few videos of you touching yourself without your knowledge and because of this he has 2 phones, one for when he’s out and that other phone hidden where nobody can steal it.

Really wants to make a sex tape with you

Like so bad

He doesn’t even use porn anymore to jack off he’d rather look at a video of you moaning his name

He’ll never admit it but he wants to be dominated by you so bad skshdhdiek

Why do you think he’s so teasing?

Your attitude is the most attractive thing about you and seeing you possibly snap at him one day and have him crying for more is something he hopes for you to do.

Also wanna know what he gave you for your birthday?

A dildo that was molded into the same shape of his dick

“Here! So then when I’m away you can help yourself!…still not as good as the real thing though eh eh.”

This mf is a menace.