#tbf i only got more into their songs lately too. so yeah

[astrxealis]

arctic monkeys in the philippines raghh raghhhhhh raghhhhhhhhhh

[iworshipsappho]

aaah tack for the tag!! @rosetintedgreyspaces :D <33

Favourite colour and why? ooh red and honestly idk i think i was like 4 or smth when i went oooh blood = cool and blood is red therefore red=cool and i love that for me

Five comfort movies: oof uhh red white and royal blue for sure yeah, maan karate,vip and remo are some really feel good tamil movies for me and uhh badhaai do :33

Favourite season and why? oof definitely has to be whatever we have from october to january here. literally all the other months are hot humid pressure cookers :')

Favourite book(s): YOU CAN'T MAKE ME PICKKKKK. but like the obvious answers here are RWRB, the song of achilles, one last stop, ooh room on the roof by ruskin bond one of my comfort books for sure, oh and this one book i read called my life as a book, changed my life as a kid honestly. other than that we have the toa series and uhh the iliad and odyssey which i havent gotten to yet but do love

favourite aesthetic(s)and why? mmmm im a big fan of dark academia but tbf i do love most aesthetics in varying multitudes, never really got much into it

Favourite genre and why? genre as in music or media?? idk in media it is definitely queer romance atm used to be mystery and mythology. and for music i more or less listen to anything and everything thats vibey

Favourite clothes style: baggy tshirts and shorts >>>>> but thats usually for at home. when i head out ive been layering a baggy tshirt over a white shirt paired with brown pants/jeans off late. layering is one of my favourite styles for sure, the whole academia vibes or the 'teenage dirtbag' style is what i usually go for ig

Favourite music genres: ohhh music here, yeah as i said if its good me likey

Favourite artists: oof long list coming up :]] uhh taylor swift, omar rudberg, the front bottoms, wilbur soot as well as lovejoy>>>, jeff satur my beloved bottom, cavetownnnnnn, conan gray ofc, queen and then uhh mitski

Favourite song(s): i for the life of me cant possibly pick now can i???? BUT rn ive been obsessed with theseee

Favourite fandoms: young royals fandom my beloved, closely followed by mcyt bc that was my firstever proper fandom and fuck yeah for that!!! (still very much into that so les gooo qsmp and tommyinnit my beloved) and well im not really part of any fandoms save for these and rwrb tbf? oh how could i forget!!!! KINNPORSCHE!!!! love that for us

Hobbies: oof uhh reading, writing and playing minecraft or watching cubitos on minecraft probably lmao

Care language you give: i think i usually show my care in the form of words i think? pretty sure yeah

Care language you like to receive: mmmm physical touch <333

Are you an introvert/extrovert/ambivert: ehhh its pretty fluctuating. used to be introverted, getting more and more out of my shell off late. so ambivert it is ig

Morning or night person? again idfk at this point man what even is time anymore fjdksgksfg uhh night person probably tho i like satying up faaar more than i like waking up early

City, country or suburbs and why? uhhhh never really thought about it? idk on one hand i do want the quiet of the country but idk if ill survive with the constant bustle of a city ykn. and never really experienced to much of suburban life except for when i lived in australia for a few months so yeah idk

Favourite time of day and why? that time between like 5-8. the hours go by so quick and hte fucking sunset etc etc

Do you have any religious beliefs(don’t have to answer if not comfortable)? mmm vaguely religious from time to time

What does your ideal family look like to you? again its faaar too much in the future for me to have given it a thought but but ik for sure that ive always wanted kids, so thats the only definitive there

Dream future: mmm im an author lving in a little cottage just surrounded by overflowing love and creativity and nature etc etc. very ruskin bond-esque

Dream place to visit: greece and rome for sureeee. and thenn uh nyc just for the vibes of it ykn also uhh sweden for reasons ;)

Favourite type of nature: mmmm rainforests my beloved. absolutely love the earthy smell and just how fucking alive it is man like >>>>> oh also the fucking hills of north east india. lomls would drop everything and go there again no questions asked. and ofc beaches. be aches are just based

Favourite habitat (eg jungle, desert, tundra etc): mmm i have a special place in my heart for tundras and the savannah idk why. i just love that life fucking THRIVES despite ykn the harsh(er) conditions

How would you describe yourself in 4 words: dumb, enthusiastic, creative and uhhhh complicated

If you could be another thing on earth what would it be: oooo idfkkkk theres just sooooo many options i could literally be a fucking manatee!!!! or a vampire or or a mudskipper!!!!! wait can i be food?!?!?! id be garlic man ajskdsfl the fucking irony of wanting to be both a vampire and a garlic clove oooh id love to be a grapefruit ngl. omg i could be an actual monkey???? id be one of those spider monkeys man so fucking cool. gosh i could just oughhhh creatures and inanimate shit man. so cool

Favourite type of weather: i loveeeee thunderstorms. top tier weather. as long as its not during deepavali. if it rains when im trying to burst my crackers? im sorry but earth can perish /j

If you could travel anywhere right now we here would it be: is my girlfriend's house a valid answer? bc thats where i wanna be right now baksdflsd. uhh idk tbh maybe like oooh i wanna go to puducherry ngl i miss the beachhhh even tho i literally just went like a week ago man. its right here-

Do you have any fears (serious or otherwise): ehhh not as far as im aware. not materialistic ones atleast. ive always had a fear of being forgotten or left behind

Dream job: uhh a writer for sure

Would you be a pirate/vampire/cowboy/astronaut/werewolf/wizard/witch/knight/cryptid and why? VAMPIREVAMPIREVAMPIREVAMPIRE!!!!! i literally get to suck blood in the most homoerotic way possible- what more could i literally ask for ahfjdsflk pirates/knights are a close second tho fucking love them could go on a whole tirade if i wasnt to tired for it

tagging uhh @elblorbo @stygianirondiangelo @foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland @daylightsimon @desi-yearning @altruistic-meme @spaghett-onaplate @mirabel-on-a-bicycle

💜

[julemmaes]

Robyn

Rowaelin Month, Day Ten

A/N: I'd planned on posting them in order, but you get what you get. Idk when the other prompts will come tbf. I hope soon. Anyway, I managed to write over 6k words today and I'm pretty fucking proud.

This is just fluff over fluff, so yep enjoy!!

Word count: 3,047

Rowan was unbelievably late as he sped through the streets of Orynth.

So late that the school had called not only him, but also the front desk of the place where he worked when he hadn't answered the call on his personal phone. Sorscha, his assistant, had entered his office with an embarrassed smile on her lips, as if she didn't want to tell him that he had forgotten for the umpteenth time to pick up his daughter from school.

Lorcan had joined him, for some strange reason, but Rowan had stopped bothering when it came to his best friend. He'd been trying to figure out how he reasoned for years and had come to the conclusion that there was no logical sense in the actions of the man sitting next to him, who was currently singing at the top of his lungs to one of the songs on the Frozen CD - which much to the chagrin of both of them, had gotten stuck in his car radio months before, forcing them into hours of torture.

He would never deny that the songs were all quite catchy, but after the sixteenth time Rowan had had to listen to Let It Go at maximum volume, his positive opinion of the film had begun to waver.

As they pulled into the school parking lot, Rowan noticed with deep regret that the only cars still there were those of the teachers and school staff.

They both got out of the car, Rowan walking quickly towards the entrance while Lorcan dragged behind him.

He greeted the caretakers sitting at the entrance, who returned a big smile. A smile that grew even wider when his large, imposing friend entered a few moments later. He stopped to talk to the old ladies and Rowan walked down the corridor he knew led to Robyn's classroom.

He could hear muffled voices from inside the teachers' room on the left and the one he knew belonged to Miss Galathynius coming from the right. He looked out over the classroom, spotting the two people sitting at a desk.

As soon as his daughter saw him, her eyes widened and a huge smile flashed across her face.

No words. No "hello, daddy!" or "I missed you!" from the little girl.

Her teacher turned as she leapt out of her chair and ran towards him, hugging his legs and looking up at him. Rowan smiled at her in turn, running a hand over her hair that was shot in every direction.

"Hello, little bird," he murmured to her. The child's smile widened even more if that was possible.

The woman a few feet away from them pulled herself upright, crossing her arms over her chest and offering a sincere smile to the child, who hid behind his thighs.

Rowan was about to tell her that Robyn was shy with everyone like this, ready to defend his daughter's behaviour as he was used to doing in front of every adult, but he was beaten to the punch.

"It's good to see you, Mr Whitethorn," she said, extending a hand. Rowan shook it without hesitation. "Actually, I just wanted to write you a letter regarding Robyn," she continued, never taking her eyes off the little girl. "Nothing serious," she hastened to reassure him when Rowan grimaced, "quite the contrary. Robyn is remarkably good. One of the best in the class, though I shouldn't offer that information so bluntly."

Miss Galathynius winked at him, but he couldn't process what he'd just been told.

"Sorry, could you-"

The little hands clamped around his trousers tightened a fraction more and Rowan looked down, trying to figure out what was bothering his daughter, but then something happened that he hadn't even dared to dream about in recent times.

"You're here!"

The little girl broke off and ran away from him in less than the blink of an eye.

Rowan turned just in time to see Lorcan grab Robyn in mid-air, spinning her around as he brought her to his chest and showered her with kisses. The loud, incessant laughter that erupted from her seemed too much coming from that fragile little body, but he never tired of hearing it.

"Why hello baby!" said Lorcan laughing in turn, starting to tickle her until she begun to rebel and he was forced to let her slide to the floor. Robyn was still laughing at the top of her lungs and nearly fell to the ground as she squealed left and right, letting herself be pushed around by the closest thing to an uncle she had ever had.

When Rowan turned back to the woman, she was wide-eyed and her lips slightly parted as she watched the massive man dressed completely in black and the menacing face turn into a completely different person the second he had seen Robyn.

He chuckled, "I know, it's not every day you get to see a little girl be so comfortable with a brute like that."

Lorcan, who was listening to everything, looked him straight in the eye and without stopping smiling and playing with the little girl, mouthed to him to fuck off.

"Well, yeah. You caught me a little off guard." she confessed, still shocked to hear how Robyn was having a full conversation with Lorcan. They couldn't hear anything of what she was actually saying, but even just the fact she was talking to someone seemed to have Aelin unsettled.

She returned her attention to Rowan and let out a breath that sounded more like a giggle, "I've never heard her laugh before."

He nodded, blushing a little at the teacher's surprised but relieved tone.

"I'm sure the dean warned you about the problem she has," he said in a low voice. He grimaced at her poor choice of words, "I mean, not problem, but the difficulty she finds in interacting with people she doesn't know."

Liar, he told himself. Robyn hadn't spoken to anyone but him and Lorcan since the day Lyria had died. It wasn't a difficulty, but a response to the trauma that prevented her from speaking to anyone who wasn't part of her immediate family.

"I know, I know. We've been looking for solutions together." she informed him. "I give her a white board every morning. Come on, I'll show you." she turned to the desk they were sitting at earlier and raised the magnetic board, on which a few words were scribbled on. "I'll write here what she might need. Yes. No. I need to go to the bathroom. I'm thirsty. I'm hungry." she read, listing the various options. Rowan gaped. "We've only just started going over the alphabet for a second time, so she can't really read or write yet, as I imagine you know, but the little drawings next to each sentence help her."

She continued talking, but he couldn't quite follow.

The woman in front of him - aside from being breathtakingly beautiful - had done as much as she could to help her child with communication.

"Mr. Whitethorn-"

"Rowan. Please, call me Rowan." he said, clearing his throat once he realized how hoarse it sounded to his ears. Lorcan walked up to them at that point, still holding Robyn in his arms and positioned himself next to him, letting their shoulders touch in a comforting way.

"Call me Aelin, then," she smiled at them both. Then she made a small grimace, turning to Rowan, "I wanted to ask if it bothered you, that I sought a solution like that. Maybe I put her in distress, embarrassed her. I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that I wanted to solve this on my own. I really wanted to discuss it with you, with your husband too, to avoid misunderstandings. Maybe we could arrange a meeting."

He was about to tell her that she had given him the exact opposite of annoyance, that he had been more than pleased that she had helped Robyn this way, when her words finally registered.

Lorcan, beside him, had opened his mouth wide and his lips were slowly bending into a mischievous smile.

Rowan furrowed his brow, "I'm sorry, what?"

Aelin's smile seemed to falter. "A meeting? With you? To talk about how to handle the situation," then she shifted her gaze to Lorcan, "You're more than welcome to join as well. I didn't know Robyn had two dads, I apologise for assuming Robyn had a mum and dad. That was very rude of me-"

"I love this," Lorcan whispered, laughing in shock. He turned to Rowan with eyes that sparkled with amusement, "I would definitely be the top."

Rowan looked at him with an expression of complete shock on his face, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Robyn gasped, opening her eyes wide and bringing a hand to her mouth, pointing then to Rowan's.

"Yeah, sorry, love. I shouldn't have said the bad word." he apologised, giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. He turned back to Miss Galathynius, "I'm sorry to have to disappoint you, but we're not married."

"No need to lie, sweetie. I'm sure Aelin," he gave her a knowing look, "doesn't mind at all about our relationship status."

Aelin nodded, "Well, yes. That doesn't change anything. Mr..." she turned to Lorcan, searching for a name.

"Salvaterre."

"Mr. Salvaterre can still attend. The fact that you are not yet married is no reason why you cannot both be present at the meeting. You don't have to worry, we are a very tolerant school and if anyone bothers you, you can come directly to me."

A sound of sheer glee escaped Lorcan.

Aelin continued, "I mean it. I was pleased to see both of you today. I was also pleased to see Robyn smiling so much." she concluded, looking the little one in the face.

Rowan took a deep breath, bracing himself, "No, I meant, we're not a couple. We're not gay. He's her uncle."

The woman's blonde eyebrows shot up and a second later she turned almost as red as the dress Robyn was wearing as Lorcan shook his head muttering something very much like 'you're no fun', which made Robyn giggle.

"Why did you even get off the car?" he asked him exasperated.

Lorcan shrugged, "Because I missed my little bean, you monster." he replied, clutching Robyn to his chest. The little girl clutched Lorcan's shirt in her chubby little hands and Rowan huffed, shaking his head.

Aelin brought her hands to her face, leaning against the desk behind her. She shook her head, her face still hidden, "Oh, god. I'm so sorry."

Lorcan let out a dry laugh, "Don't worry about it. It was fun while it lasted." then he turned to Rowan again, who was still trying to recover from the idea of being involved in a relationship with his friend, "You're really no fun."

"Yeah, no fun dad." repeated Robyn.

Silence fell over the class. Rowan looked at her with wide eyes and blinked once, twice. Robyn was staring at him with a sweet scowl that mimicked so much that of the man who was still holding her, but Rowan couldn't get over the fact that his daughter had spoken while Aelin was still beside them.

He was about to talk, noticing how Robyn had started squirming in Lorcan's arms, when there was a knock at the door.

They both turned, Aelin peering over Rowan's shoulder, and saw the figure of a petite girl with black hair and eyes standing in the doorway, watching them with her head slightly bent to the side. She had a tag on her t-shirt that was too colourful to belong to someone who didn't work in a school with children, so he guessed she was a teacher herself. Besides, Rowan felt like he'd seen her elsewhere. Probably every day when he picked Robyn up from school, he said to himself.

"I know you're not supposed to eavesdrop but I stopped by earlier and heard you were a couple of dads," she said by way of introduction. "I just wanted to reassure you that the school is an extremely safe place. I'm the one who did most of the interviews with the parents," that's where they had met then, "and one of the questions that is asked is just about the tolerance of the people who will be attending the school."

Aelin watched her, remaining silent the whole time and putting on an amused smile, nodded, "That's what I was telling them. How tolerant the school is. They make such a cute couple, don't you think, Elide?"

Rowan turned to her, arching an eyebrow, silently asking her what she was doing. The woman, as if she could truly understand what he was trying to convey to her, nodded her head towards Lorcan, who Rowan only then noticed was standing weirdly, his eyes fixed on the woman in the doorway.

He grinned, deciding to take his revenge right away. "Oh, yes. Thank you so much for the reassurance," Rowan began to play along as well. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Lorcan turn towards him, dropping Robyn to the floor, who made a disapproving noise at being dumped so suddenly. "We are happy to know that this school is a safe place for our daughter. And for us."

Elide offered him a blinding smile, "Good. I'm happy to hear that you are pleased so far. And I am happy that Aelin is the one who is taking your daughter's class. She's the best one here."

Rowan didn't know her yet, but he knew the thing Elide had just said could only be true.

"Well," she said again, giving them an apologetic smile, "I really must go now, but if you need anything, you can find all my contact details on the website. Have a nice day!"

Aelin and Rowan said their goodbyes, thanking her. Lorcan took a while to recover, but when he realised he was staring into empty space he ran towards the door, almost stepping on little Robyn, who was moved by Aelin.

"We are very much not gay, miss!" he shouted into the hallway. Aelin, now beside him and with a hand on Robyn's shoulder, cackled. With Lorcan's infinite luck, someone walked by just then and gave him a stern look. "Oh, shut up ma'am. I'm an ally. The best ally."

Rowan shook his head as Lorcan launched himself in pursuit of the poor teacher and burst out laughing when he heard him shout, "I'm not homophobic! I'm willing to suck someone's cock if I have to prove it to you!"

Aelin opened her mouth wide before bursting out laughing in turn.

Robyn, seeing both adults so happy, giggled too and Rowan bent down to pick her up. The little girl laid her full head of white-light hair on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

She was tired and Rowan really needed to get her home to sleep.

He glanced at Aelin and reduced his lips to a thin line, "I'm sorry about the commotion, I'll try not to bring him into the building again. Even if it means tying him to the seat."

The soft laugh she gave made something tighten in his chest. He frowned.

Aelin didn't seem to notice the effect she had on him, "Don't worry, Elide is crazy about fools like him. If he says the right things, we might start seeing each other outside of school too."

Rowan nodded, now too caught up in the thought of having to take Robyn home to focus on anything else.

They agreed on when to hold the parent-teacher meeting and then he grabbed Robyn's backpack, walking towards the exit.

He was thoughtless as he reached into his pocket for his keys and balanced everything else - including the girl - on his other arm, but when Robyn's hand brushed his cheek, he looked down and his eyes met their twins. Green against green.

"What is it?"

The little girl's voice never stopped making him smile. Each time was like the first time she had said dada.

"I really like her."

Rowan frowned, "Who?"

"Miss Aelin." she whispered, almost as if she was afraid they might hear her.

He smiled at her, "Yeah? You like her?"

"She's nice to me."

Rowan had to put her down as he opened the door and let her get into the back seats by herself.

"I'm glad she's treating you well, love," he let her know, buckling her in.

He hoped she'd tell him more about her new teacher, but like any kid her age, the topic of conversation couldn't last for more than four lines apiece, "Where's Uncle Lorcan?"

Rowan snorted, "No idea, little bird."

Robyn nodded, "Elide is pretty too."

And as if those words had summoned him, Lorcan appeared beside the car, making them both scream. He entered the car in a heartbeat and turned to his daughter, who was still settling into the seat. "Do you know Miss Lochan?"

But before she could answer him, Rowan had entered the car in turn and smacked the back of his head, which made the Robyn giggle, "You're not using my daughter as your wingman. Now stop it and buckle up."

Lorcan gave him a gentle push, before doing as he was told and for once he was happy he'd convinced him to do something.

Or at least, Rowan thought he had convinced him.

"What if I left you a note to deliver to Miss Lochan, Rob? Would you be up for it?"

Rowan knew, even without looking at her, that she was nodding emphatically.

Keeping his eyes on the road, he murmured, "Could you stop calling my daughter Rob, please? You'll give her an existential crisis."

Lorcan clicked his tongue against his palate, "Rowan, I'm not giving her a damn thing. We live in this new world, okay? Your daughter could be called Simon and still be a beautiful princess. Grow up and educate yourself before you talk shit."

"Aaaah!" shouted Robyn, "Bad word!"

Rowan sighed and shook his head, but still he was smiling.

This was his life. Had been for the past two years.

And he wouldn't change it for the world.

tog tag list (if you wanna be added or removed just dm me or send me an ask)

@maastrash @ireallyshouldsleeprn @sleeping-and-books @hellasblessed @thegoddessofyou @ghostlyrose2 @claralady @sayosdreams @perseusannabeth @letstakethedawn @terrible-and-proud @post-it-notes33 @booksstorm @nalgenewhore @queen-of-demons-and-hell @lanyjoy-13 @vasudharaghavan @cupcakey00 @bri-loves-sunflowers @queen-of-glass @thewayshedreamed @the-regal-warrior @fangirlprincess09 @januarystears @rowaelinismyotp @starbornsinger @bookstantrash @thegreyj @feysand-loml @autumnbabylon @a-court-of-milkandhoney @highqueenofelfhame @story-scribbler @mariamuses @rhysandswingspan @tanvee1231

[allthepresidentsmen1976]

spotify:

live at sin-é 1993 - literally everyone here knows that this is my favourite version, but god it literally is, just listen to it i promise it's worth it . this is the only version i've found so far with the "all my blood for the memories and the sweetness of her laughter" bit, normally it's just "sweetness of her laughter". i also just think his voice in this performance is extra beautiful i'm not sure why

grace 1994 - obviously, the album itself! fucking stunning, you cannot go wrong with this song but it's so interesting to see the little differences!

live at wetlands 1994 - obsessed obsessed obsessed nothing to say it's just beautiful as always <3

live at jbtv chicago 1994 - "to keep good love from going wrong" is sung particularly beautiful and then he adds "won't you reach out and touch me" and it's So Very Very Good and then there's the end which is sooooo. i listened to the caberet metro version first actually which has a similar ending as this one. anyway go listen to either. you won't regret it

live at caberet metro 1995 - the bit before "lonely is the room..." in this version is Very Nice and the end the end !!!!!! i want to know what was going on in his mind. i think you should just listen to it, i know it's 9 minutes but i can't do it justice in description (the end of the song, after that there's applause and he makes a joke about morrissey which is also fun)

live at olympia 1995 - nothing specific to say about this one except um. well. it's still a version of one of my favourite ever songs so you should listen to it ???

live at columbia records 1995 - beautiful gorgeous wonderful as always. the beginning especially of this version is very interesting to me though, i feel like the word length is kept shorter ? or it could just be late and i'm making things up now, but maybe... they are on radio here so maybe that has something to do with it. this version also has a fun "i try to be better" which is very oh..........

youtube:

an acoustic version that makes me want to cry

live at glastonbury 1995 - maybe a new favourite version??? or okay tbf i love them all so so much it really doesn't matter. idk i just really love this one. i think it's his little bits of chat a couple of times in the song which i find very sweet and they don't take away from the song at all which is obviously good <3 this one also has the "i'm trying" moment which makes me Feel Things

i think this one is the same as the cabaret metro one above but i needed everyone to know that i would like his shirt please

live at melbourne 1995 - this is a whole set but it has timestamps for each of the songs. but uhmmmm the title of this say it's the band's best acoustic performance and like,,, idk because i can't rank them but i just . I Just. yeah. it's got the "trying" bit again which makes me a bit insane. also after the song jeff makes a very terrible joke so you know good times all round

WHFS-FM, Rockville M.D. 1995 - feeling ill feeling very very ill. another acoustic version, picture me banging my head against a wall, it's so so good. this like "too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage i've done" is sung so differently in this version to how he sings it generally i felt? so that was really interesting to hear! absolutely beautiful, of course

an alternate take for the album !!!!! very very very very beautiful

live at the knitting factory 1997 - the guitar choices in this one..... brilliant beyond belief. also not to make you all sad but i realised halfway through listening that this was the year that he died. the timestamps are for when each song ENDS though which is a little weird but not terrible

live on glr 1995 - idk what glr is but a radio station i'm assuming because there's a few of those in here. anyway the beginning of this version in particular is Very Good

okayyyy these are all the ones i could find with relative ease, i'm sure there's more out there, i just don't have them on hand! for those of you who actually like this song, here you go!!!!

[marciliedonato]

i used to adore panic from my early to late teens and still listen to the first four pretty often but i just can't for the life of me get into pftw & the three singles. idk if it's cause i don't like urine as a person or if his songwriting is genuinely just awful imo but i can't stop hating on it <3 also i keep seeing people say the new one has pretty odd vibes?? like po was actually good & imaginative idk what they're on about. or maybe i'm just a bitter old person now lmao

tbf i only got into panic right when 'they' were starting the too weird era and even when i was most into them i wasn't *that* familiar with the band's history/drama but no i think ur right lol i don't think he's ever rly been a great songwriter what he's had, however, is a lot of luck and talented ppl in his corner he could hide behind (bc the frontman is always gonna be the center of attention regardless of their involvement in the process)

ryan was always the one responsible for the theatrical/creative aspects and the lyrics in the beggining and you could tell bc there was a shift when he left but it was still pretty good bc of jon's (i think? correct me if i'm wrong) and pete’s involvement in vices. then around that time i think dallon joined, and we know he's a pretty good songwriter and artist in general, and someone else said it best in the tag that too weird was basically repuposed brobecks he didn't release and he carried most of that album on his back ...beebo piss basically just showed up and sang. i quite liked that one but i can't listen to it now bc remembering how shit beebo piss is and my hatred for him vs how much i love certain songs makes trying to listen feel like i'm a demon trying to enter a church lmao 💀

then doab you can tell he was more involved bc it was MIIIIIILES from what the 'band' used to be and a lot more focused on like, lyrics-wise living large and the pursuit of fame, money and drugs with a bunch of high notes so you'd think it was amazing (and my 15/16 y.o ass thought like half that album was THE SHIT for how it sounded) less creative both in lyrics and imagery and more in line with what was popping off at the time instead of going against the current

but like literally with pftw (which even when i was listening to him still i thought was just the cringiest and most try-hard name) is when it really starts to show he's literally just bad lyrics and high notes in a trenchcoat bc dallon wasn't there anymore and there was no one to hide behind so he had to do all that shit himself. i s2g the only time i listened to that album in full, a bunch of songs fused together in my subconscious bc they all sounded SO SIMILAR i knew they were different but they were just....eh i don't remember being super blown away by any of it and it was by far my least favorite bc it was just. SO pop. i simply couldn’t even bring myself to listen to that silver lining song bc the lyrics and the singing were ATROCIOUS like.....oh my god. yeah...

i haven't listened to any of the singles from this album except for a clip of the newer one to see how bad it was and....it wasn't just bad...it was *REALLY* bad. there's this massive post that compares his newer stuff to rejected imagine dragons and i think that's kinda generous bc imagine dragons might not be 'amazing' but at least they're consistent and the vocals/production is alright. even before for mr piss if the lyrics weren't great he could hide behind good vocals, decent production or talented band members but now even his voice, the star of the show, now sounds so strained from all the drinking and smoking that he can't pull those same notes he used to as his 'one trick' so it's straight up unsalvagable because there's nothing going for it like 'oh the song isn't great but the lyrics are good' none of that. it's just ALL bad now.

i've seen ppl say 'oh but he wrote some songs in po and those were good it's bc he has a lot of cowriters' but it's like. if he was actually good on his own he wouldn't need them and working with them wouldn't make the music worse. i think he's gotten way too comfortable over the years with other ppl doing the work for him and letting fame get to his head and he's no longer capable of making anything good bc he's not that person he used to be (and even then idk if he was v good as a person...)*edit: he's also surrounded by yes men and enablers (Idk if that creepazoid Zack is still around...)*he's been beating a dead horse for years after everyone that made it what it was (good, unique,etc.) left and thinking he was too big to fail. now no one's interested in his music anymore bc not only is he shit, his music is shit too. u kinda almost have to wonder how he managed to push everyone away. he should have taken the L and let the band name go years ago but he knows he's nothing without it and anything he can do on his own will never reach that level so he's living in a shadow thriving of the nostalgia of times long gone but it's just starting to not cut it anymore and people are starting to really see it, i think.

also i absolutely from the bits i have unfortunately seen, don't think it resembles po in any sort of way: it's not folksy, it's not imaginative it's just more sterilized top 40 friendly pop that sounds like 50 other artists and you could tell me anyone else made and i'd be none the wiser. there's no heart it in but it's sure to do well.....delusion is one hell of a drug ig

sorry this was so long i get mad talking abt his stupid ass i could dunk on him for dayyyyys

[autumnrory]

being a taylor fan was so much more enjoyable before i got involved in fandom on here and honestly i've been in it longer than not but at this point like even if i did just unfollow people and only went through the edit tag to get content it kinda feels too late bc i have all the knowledge i didn't before i followed people on here re: who songs are supposed to be about and it is hard to ignore it at this point like i'm stuck thinking about the narratives, whether it's the official ones or the gaylor ones, all the stuff in my brain doesn't allow me to think of the songs how i want to in terms of how they relate to me

which, tbf, it's about the same time i got into fandom that i stopped having any major crushes that i could relate lovey dovey or heartbreak songs to but still from time to time in the past ten years it's like yeah i can kind of see how certain songs are relatable and everything but fandom overshadows it with all of their talk of who every single song is about like truly i used to be aware of who she was dating or "dating" but i couldn't have told you who most of the songs were supposed to be about up through red and it was so much better that way tbh

like fandom loves to criticize how the media talks about her songs as if we don't all do the same exact thing, especially bc she has made it part of her brand from the start with all the hidden messages in her lyric books and everything, like fandom can complain but she's always done these things for a reason lol

but anyway yeah just the whole experience every time we get a new album seems more and more annoying with how people talk about her songs on either side of fandom - especially bc there's a lot of truly weird assumptions made whether they think it's about karlie or joe or whatever - and i'm just like i want to go back to hearing her songs without all the takes about taylor's life

[lesbiancarat]

PREACH IT!! SAY IT LOUDER FOR TH3 PEOPLE IN THE BACK!! *stands up and claps*

Just your comment, please I want to tattoo that entire response on my forehead so people could understand some stuff fjshdhsh. I very much agree with everything you have said, like I do think the bighit deal was more so with the help of say with western connections (which again does NOT mean pledis could have done this without bighit. They clearly could but I saw a theory on a YouTube comment where someone said they focused on the core fanbase aka in Korea which is their main market and it paid off imo) from helping with buisness side of things like we do have merch to buy directly (which I have my opinion on some merch ideas like why the fudge is bighit selling us water!? Bro you thought that worked with bts doesn't mean it will with seventeen) which wasn't common in the past or being able to film concerts with ease during the pandemic. Bighit clearly acknowledges that seventeen is a monster group in their own right I mean as you said, they break records and are 2nd behind bighits own group. They are EXTEMELY big in Japan. They are their own song makers, bang pd confirmed this when pleids was first announced in a press video so the fact people brush all of their achievements and statements because why, their streaming numbers are low?

And oohh such an interesting point as well! Very much i think the current mindset of kpop fans (or at least some) is that streaming is what equals success which to some degree, yes but as you said, many ignore the casual side of listening. People that find the song due to it being viral for whatever reason, a fancam getting popular like in the cass of hani from exid or whatever reason. Dwc is a great example and I saw those comments under their recent performance of that song and it makes me proud that the boys have a song like that. That it has its own "fanbase" quote on quote with how well loved that song simply is and well known. You don't have to have fans doing crazy streaming to be considered "popular", I mean I could give more examples but I don't wanna make this too long nor cause unwanted fandrama lol. Those casual listeners are extremely important and powerful I mean brave girls is a great recent example of that I think! It very much does seem like that when looking at the views, its mainly the core fanbase which isn't bad nor should we feel bad for not having crazy numbers. They seem more organic if that makes sense? Plus I agree, we can stream and can explain how it works, clearing up confusion about it like no emojis don't take down views and yes youtube does take away views but that is due to it making sure it isn't bots only viewing the video. Explaining that streaming should be done with a chill mindset and its ok if you don't stream. But hey, maybe we're too weird of fans to think like this fjajdjajs.

But some few updates! Seventeen is back on Instagram, fully everyone is posting away. Makes me happy hehe m, a bit funny it took so long for them to comeback but am happy nonetheless. The interactions that seungkwan does makes me super soft. Seventeen are also back with doing proper promotions so yay (also pledis is S Wording people over the mingyu issue finally so bless). As for me on the personal side of things. I have OFFICIALLY finished that video game ^_^ it took me a while but I have finished it, my last goodbye was completed and am at ease so to speak? Lowkey am planning on beating all the trophies in the game cx also may I ask about your thoughts on the album? Favorite songs, have you bought the physical cd?

ok finally getting around to this lol!!

and yeah that's absolutely true, pledis focused on kr promotions/fanbase first and foremost (and then expanded to Japan and is now looking toward the US/western promos in general). which i agree was a good thing. i think some companies get too greedy with wanting a group to be ~internationally famous~ that they ignore their Korean fanbase a bit too much and I've seen groups that have failed bc of it, so I'm glad that didn't happen w SVT

and yeah in terms of merch I'm genuinely grateful as an american that for this cb at least there was a US distributor which made things super convenient but wtf is going on w hybes merch those water bottles are not it TT it just sucks to see bc it's clear that at least as far as merch goes hybe doesn't have an interest in like. doing market research to figure out what carats want. which is funny bc they don't even have to start from scratch they could literally just ask pledis?? and tbh what's sad is i don't think hybe is like. purposefully trying to sabotage SVTs merch from my limited perspective i get the feeling they treat all their groups merch like that :( but since us carats have seen in the past what kind of merch we're capable of getting it's disappointing to see such a downgrade. and like tbf pledis's merch decisions were never perfect like that time they tried to sell replicas of the SVT rings and carats were rightfully pissed bc those are something the members earned, not something to be bought. and i also don't think hybe never has or never will make good merch, I'm sure they're fully capable of it. but it just seems obvious that they've put WAY less if any effort into understanding both the market (ie carats) and seventeens brand compared to pledis so like of course most carats aren't gonna like it :/ i really hope they step up their game and do better research or bring ppl onto the team who better understand svt's brand

and yeah i very much agree with everything u said about streaming! tbh i think this mindset isn't as uncommon as you might think, I've actually met a fair number of kpop fans who are critical of streaming culture but as u know there also are a lot of ppl who are really into it and those ppl tend to have the loudest voices. and unfortunately part of streaming culture is that if you question the methods or don't participate you must be a bad fan or secretly an anti or something ridiculous like that. so ppl who aren't into streaming culture end up learning to not be too vocal about it bc of how bad the backlash can be

yes! I'm glad to see insta line (+ now dk!!) active again. i still wonder why pledis made them stop using their ind instas, like I know all the theories people have as to why but honestly none that I've seen seem to fully make sense. it will probably be one of those things where we'll just never know the full story. but i digress!! regardless of the reason I'm just glad to have them back after all this time ^^

congrats on finishing the game! I'm glad it was able to help you work through your grief a bit and that you feel more at ease now ;-; and good luck with the rest of the trophies if you end up trying to get them!

as always I'm answering this a bit late so you may have seen already but i did get the physical album! it was a birthday gift so i only got it the other day, but according to my mom it arrived almost immediately after the album was released so as i said before, I'm very grateful for the US shop this time around ;-; as for the songs usually it's easy for me to pick one or two favorites but this time around it's genuinely a 4-way tie between heavens cloud and all the unit songs TT (i also love anyone and RTL, they're just slightly lower on the list in terms of preference if u get what i mean). i really hope some time in the future we get some kind of performance or special video or something for heavens cloud, since so many carats and the members themselves seem to really love it. i also think it's a song that brings up such beautiful imagery that it would be a shame if it never got any type of visual representation, you know? I'm also really curious to see a performance of wave, since iirc the members said the choreo is a lot more laid back/different from other perf unit choreos?? + that song also evokes such great imagery for me that like... makes feel like it needs some kind of movement so I'm just itching to see a performance. kind of like... even if i didn't know it was a perf unit song i would think it would be great to choreograph to if that makes any sense dhfkf. but yeah overall i think it's just a really solid album, as expected from summerteen ^^

[lemonietrinket]

Extra Special ||| Ending Four - Lucas

Summary: Lucas x Reader; ft Jungwoo & Reader Genre: Fluff, some accidental (soft) angst but a very happy ending Warning(s): Small references to insecurities of not being good enough for someone Word Count: 3323 + 9 ss of texts Theme Song: Starmarker - Kana Boon, Day and Night - Day6 AN: Lucas’ ending for my masterpiece Love—I recommend reading it first (but it is 20k and I think this pretty much functions as a oneshot too tbf)

~~~

Chucking your head back in utter hysterics, you accidentally whacked your cranium against the wooden headboard with a resounding thud. It didn’t hurt at all, but the sheer volume sent Xuxi gasping for air as you pretty much froze, eyes squeezed between tears of laughter. If you weren’t already running out of breath, the shriek from the next room over would knock all the wind out of you for sure.

“HEY!”

It was Ten, sounding as frazzled as his hair probably looked at that moment, and you had to bite your lip to restrain yourself from straight out cackling at his tone. Your good friend and comedian—and the reason why you were in this state in the first place—was practically wheezing beside you on the bed, his large hands clapping like a seal while he desperately tried to restrain them and keep them quiet. Not that he really could, but that was ok—it was just another thing that was damn near irresistible about him.

It was late at night, and though Ten’s sleep schedule was hardly any good (if you hadn’t been crying with laughter you would have perhaps pulled up the hypocrisy of Ten complaining about noise) it hardly made you and Xuxi’s impromptu slumber party strictly speaking allowed. So you really had to keep the noise down. However, your friend had other ideas, seemingly desperate to make it as hard as possible to stifle your laughter.

Still shaking in silent laughter, you brought a finger to your lips as best you could, urging Xuxi to be quiet. Not that your heart was in it, and it reflected in your response to his, snorting into another bout as he hunched himself over and shook exaggeratedly with a finger up, a caricature of you. The sound of your joy just sent him into laughing outright once again too, and so you continued to regain no sense of control.

You’d been caught in such giddiness for so long that you couldn’t even remember what you’d started laughing at to begin with, but you could hazard a guess. Xuxi himself, whether intentionally or unintentionally, was a comedic genius; to the point that even his pauses for thought were funny. That wide grin that brightened the room could coax anyone into smiling with him, and his vibrancy could never be competed. He was a ray of sunshine, no doubt about it.

So you supposed it was no surprise that he made you feel some kind of way.  Wanting to hear that loud voice and listen to his latest minor epiphany, wanting to experience that simple childlike joy that he carried with him, and wanting even more.

Wishing you could hold his hand properly rather than just compare the sizes of them and instead properly feel the warmth he radiated through his touch, longing to be delightfully swamped by his tall figure and toned arms as he held you close against the cold, comfort him when he was struck by tinges of sadness or doubt, become his rock and keep him safe. 

Because after the previous months and that night single bad day, it became clear to you there was no one that could make you happier—and what more could you want in life, to be happy?

The coalescence of thoughts changed your giddy laughter into a softer haze, as though you fell from your humoured high, you remained as happy as a free kite. 

You let the air return to your lungs, wiping your cheeks free of the only tears that you were sure Xuxi could ever cause, and took in the sight of him instead. He’d flopped onto the mattress, a single lock of hair curling sweetly across his perfect face, sporting that charismatic grin. You watched him gradually follow suit, letting his hands fall to his broad chest and beginning to breathe properly once again. It took a surprising amount of effort to not just lay on top of him and let him sling an arm around your waist. You could feel the phantom caress of his fingers against your skin, easing through your hair as he giggled at something nondescript and completely unrelated to anything you could imagine. 

You couldn’t join him quite like that, so you settled for just laying next to him. Head sinking into the pillow, you were surrounded by his scent and it made your heart leap. Add it to the list of things that made him irresistible. 

Hearing him chuckle, you peered over to him, having to push the side of the pillow out of the way to see him properly. “What?”

“You’re so tiny,” he whispered, as if it was a secret that nobody else was aware of. 

You decided to play along. “Am I?” you asked incredulously, as if it was the first you’d heard of it from anyone, let alone him.

He rolled onto his side, nodding assuredly. “Yeah!”

“Oh my god,” you muttered, “I’ve been tiny this whole time?!”

He hummed, hands tucking beneath his pillow as if he needed to keep them warm. It always surprised you how small he could be, scrunching himself up and enunciating so softly despite his volume. He was just a big friendly puppy really, and with a mental sigh you had to admit you were whipped for him.

“How did I not notice that?” You trailed off into giggles, wondering just how someone could be so precious and not realise it (and then you had to consider that he did know, and chose to do it anyway, which was a startling conclusion because the way he made your heart leap was unfair, and if he was doing it deliberately...)

There was a pling from his bedside table, and Xuxi rolled over haphazardly after a few moments with a pout to see who it was. However, as soon as the screen lit up his smile brightened even more, and that could only mean one person.

“Jungwoo’s still up?” you asked incredulously. You’d expected him to be more sensible but then again you two were still up so you couldn’t tell him off for it—not that you ever would. 

“Yeah!” Xuxi showed his phone to you as if you wouldn’t believe him otherwise. You meanwhile didn’t look any further than Jungwoo’s name on his phone. 

“Snoop pup?!” you cried, forced to slap a hand over your mouth once again as Xuxi began to giggle.

“Genius right?”

“Sure?”

You watched quietly as he sent some messages to his friend in the other dorms, sinking back into the pillow and pulling the covers up to your cheeks. They were really soft and you couldn’t help but just breathe in his scent and get lost in it. 

And as soon as you came back into the real world, you were completely distracted by his profile. He dazzling eyes, sculpted jaw, his strong neck leading down into his broad shoulders and prominent collarbones peeking out from his tank top.  You were getting to the point of no return, you supposed. You didn’t just like him as a good friend, it was much more than that. You just hoped he felt the same way, otherwise this would be a heartbreak like no other.

Feeling the stab of hurt in your chest at even paying a single second of thought to that you realised you needed to change tact before you ended up getting swallowed whole and ruining your mood for the rest of the night.

Luckily, some fortune was on your side, and no sooner had the thought crossed your mind, Xuxi was handing you his phone.

“Do you want snacks?”

You nodded firmly. “Yes please! Oh and can you get the lemonade from down in the fridge?”

“You bought lemonade?” It was Xuxi’s turn to be excited. After catching your hum, he immediately rolled off the bed. “Hell yeah! Keep Woo company while I’m gone, ok?”

You rolled your eyes with a laugh. “You know I will.”

You couldn’t imagine Xuxi being any sadder than he had been when Woo told him he wasn’t well.  Even so, how could have been over you?

You felt yourself dipping into the negative spiral again, questioning every little detail you could remember in the way Xuxi behaved towards you and carved it down until you decided there was no chance that he liked you in return.

‘He just sees you as a friend,’ you thought to yourself, ‘besides, this can’t be true. It’s just a difference in perspectives.’

Reading his message once before putting the phone face down on the bed, you sat up and curled your body by the headboard. 

You’d discerned nothing special about Xuxi’s behaviour towards you, so why would Woo insinuate the opposite? You trusted him, of course, but it didn’t add up.

You weren’t what he was looking for. You were just his friend. He could do much better than you. You weren’t—

Before you could question it any further there was a thunk as the man in question stumbled through the door, long arms stacked with food. Sweet packets, a savoury something or other, your favourite crisps—you looked at it all and suddenly felt a loss of appetite.  You cursed at yourself in your head. You knew not to let the negativity get the better of you, yet you’d allowed it to anyway.

Sighing, you put on a smile in an effort to rectify the issue, centring your focus on Xuxi’s bright smile as he approached the bed. 

“I got everything I...” he began, depositing everything in the middle of the bed before he looked back up at you. He went quiet for a moment, his grin faltering as soon as his shining eyes met yours.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” you enquired as he knelt on the mattress.

Shuffling on his knees awkwardly, he came to a stop just before your raised knees. With a tone more serious than you’d anticipated he said, “Why do you have the sad eyes again?”

You were stunned into a lacking a response. You’d gathered you hid your doubts and insecurities and bouts of worry well, and that Xuxi would be the last one to notice—he was constantly away in his own world and seeking joy, what did that have to do with you?

“I... don’t know what you mean,” you deflected weakly.

His eyes flickered across your cheeks and down to your crestfallen lips before he answered you. “You didn’t have them before I left, but now I’m back so are they,” he explained, “it only happens sometimes, but when they turn up you look all distant.” He paused. “Did I do something?”

‘Yes’, you wanted to say, ‘yes you did, you made me fall head over heels for you by being all irresistible and now I don’t know what to do about it.’

But you knew that would be cruel as it wasn’t actually his fault, and neither could you admit anything. 

“No, no, it’s not your fault! It’s...”

You’d never seen such a look on Xuxi’s face. It was as if all the energy had left him, his plush lips set in a firm downturned line and a light frown on his face. His hands sat by his knees all while his eyes, dim and dejected, refused to leave yours and so you were pushed to pull away instead. He was dead serious, the silliness gone, and a strange determination in his focus.

Wait was this what Jungwoo had meant?

“If anyone or anything hurt you then please tell me,” he practically pleaded, “I’ll fix it. I promise. Even if it’s me.”

His words were doing a further number on your heart, resounding loyalty and security with sincerity you’d never felt, and quickly the faked smile slid from your face as guilt rippled beneath your skin. “I-I know, I would... tell you, Xuxi, it’s just this is one of those things that—”

“I don’t want a repeat of the other day, Y/N,” he interjected apologetically, and though he didn’t specify much, you knew exactly which day he was referring to, “I didn’t realise how bad it was, how hard it must have been for you. It wasn’t until Kun told me how he’d found you that...” he seemed pained, his gaze falling only at this point, meanwhile your head was reeling at how the situation was digressing and how you’d even gotten there in the first place. 

“And I was hardly there for you,” he finally continued, his voice much stronger and more resolute.

“But that wasn’t your fault!” you cried, “That was your schedule, please don’t blame yourself for that.”

Xuxi offered you a small smile. “I know, but I still never want that to happen again.”

You didn’t know what you were expecting to follow, but it certainly wasn’t what did. 

“Y/N, I realised after that conversation that I wanted to always be there for you and help you,” he said, words seemingly tumbling from his mouth with the light returning to his eyes as he spoke, “so I want to make sure that you’re happy, and that the sad eyes don’t come back.”

Feeling your heart pumping in overdrive, you felt your thoughts clash. You were internally celebrating at hearing how much you meant to him, while also feeling guilty for even considering confessing and wanting to effectively put it on the line on the off-chance of something ‘more’.

“I don’t think this is a problem you can fix, though,” you uttered simply, unable to manage any more. 

To your heart’s further fear of absolute combustion, Xuxi leant in, his hand absentmindedly settling on your knee. His touch sent shocks through your skin, his warmth then seeping in to soothe, and you barely registered what he said next.

“At least let me try!”

His pout and desperate eyes were the final straw. You haphazardly picked up his phone, fingers mildly numb from feeling his just barely caressing your thigh. 

He unlocked it without hesitation, eyes scouring the messages that immediately flashed upon the screen.

Worlds flooded from you, then. “He’s mistaken, right? Woo doesn’t... I’m confused, what does he mean?

He didn’t reply right away, not until he was finished reading enough of the messages. He subsequently abandoned his phone amongst the blankets before bringing both hands to gently hold your knees. The contact startled you, while he barely seemed to register it, gazing into your eyes alone.

“No, he’s right, I was very sad with you gone.”

“Because you—?”

“Because I missed you so much,” he admitted, nodding encouragingly, “because the person who always laughs with me wasn’t there to laugh, because she was ill and it wasn’t fair, she didn’t deserve it. I was worried, as I couldn’t do anything about it, I couldn’t help her, I couldn’t even make her smile because she was on the other side of town where my schedule wouldn’t let me go. And I was more upset than I was with any of the others because she is extra special to me.”

You stared at him, regarding nothing but his words. Sheer disbelief left you dumb—you were “extra special” to this irresistible man, the one that captured your gaze and made you smile without fail.

“Y/N?” he called to your distant mind. “Y/N, you’re extra special to me, so special. Please let me help—”

“The sad eyes were because of you,” you gushed, hands reaching for his at your knees, “not because you did anything bad, but because you’re extra special to me too. And it hurts.”

Silence settled over the two of you, before the corners of Xuxi’s lips twitched and suddenly he was smiling. His frown faded, his eyes brightened, the energy returning to him and subsequently the room. You were confused for a few moments, until his hands shifted away from your knees and instead held your fingers between his. 

With the pad of his thumb caressing your bare skin, he exhaled in his usual big, exaggerated manner, “Oh my god, really?! You—?!”

Relief flooding your system, your shoulders relaxed as you sighed, a genuine smile taking to your features this time, “Yes.”

It was as if the weight of the Earth had lifted from your shoulders in seconds. Meanwhile Xuxi was ecstatic.

“Wait... me?!”

“Yes, you!”

“You and me?!”

You giggled, feeling the hazy giddiness of mutual love dispel all of your fears.. “Yes, Xuxi!”

He laughed out loud. “Oh my god! Does that mean I’m your boyfriend?”

“Unless you’d rather be something else,” you chuckled, as he shook his head avidly.

“No I’m your boyfriend now—oh my god I’m your boyfriend. You’re my girlfriend,” Xuxi raised your interlinked hands and squeezed them with another joyous laugh, “wait does this mean we can call each other cute things?”

“I hoped we would, but—”

It was too late, your new boyfriend was already set off listing possible pet-names, and as you only realised too late, none of them were within the acceptable realms.

“Cutie pie!”

“Uh, maybe not—”

“Cutie Patootie!”

“Xuxi—”

“Baby Cakes!”

“Xuxi—”

“Schnucki!”

You hushed him quickly with a finger by his lips. Your reflexes very nearly pulled you away from him, a remaining piece of your hesitant self that you’d been mere minutes prior. But you didn’t need to hide your feelings anymore, and you could be close to the man of your dreams now. His close proximity was free for you now, as long as he wanted it too of course. 

There was no question about that though, as he pressed a playful kiss against your surprise technique, and then the quiet was broken by his gasp. “Oh my god I can kiss you now, right? Can I kiss you? Is that ok?”

Heart leaping in your chest you unfurled your legs and knelt with him. “Of course you can.”

His fingers left yours to immediately greet your approaching body, one hand cupping your cheek as the other found its home at your waist, pulling you closer. 

“You have no idea how lo—” he began, but you cut him off, too eager to feel his lips against yours. 

Kissing him deeply you could barely breathe. His hair was so soft in your hands as you threaded them through absentmindedly, and his lips were divine—plush and gentle and welcoming they melded with yours perfectly, coaxing you into a urgent tranquil while your heart pounded.

Needing you closer, Xuxi with eyes fluttering closed shifted his weight and let himself fall onto his back, cradling you so you came down with him safe and sound.  With your chest flush against his he finally felt content, allowing him to sink into your caress completely. You tasted so sweet that his head emptied and he didn’t mind it one bit. You fit against him as if you were crafted for one another and he was certain you could thus feel the thrum at his ribcage, but he made no attempt to shy away or deflect—he knew you didn’t mind, and that yours was the same. 

You hummed softly before you pulled away to catch your breath, hair tipping into your face as you took in the sight of what you now had. Xuxi gently eased the tresses away, grinning dopily at you hovering above him. “You’re so beautiful.”

“So are you.” 

You leant back down to plant a kiss on his cheek, before shuffling down so you could lay your head comfortably on his chest. Xuxi instinctively wrapped his arms around you to support you, nestling his nose into your crown as he murmured, “I promise I’ll always support you, schnucki.”

Your heart had practically sang at his vow until the final bit, at which you laughed, nuzzling into his neck out of cringe. “Oh my god, please...!”

He hummed a ‘no’, embracing you tighter. “You’re my schnucki now. It’s done.”

You groaned, a smile plastered on your face. “Yangyang is going to regret ever introducing you to that.” 

~~~

AN: I got one done! after all that stalling im not crying i swear

also i know theres not a lot of luwoo going around nowadays but i think its really cute ok so im still here for it alright

also i feel like im going to hate this tomorrow so like please dont mind the saccharine fluff please dont blame me i was listening to happy songs and it just

yeah

Masterlist

[moonaft]

The Winter Long - Reread

Rosemary and Rue

A Local Habitation

An Artificial Night

Late Eclipses

One Salt Sea

Ashes of Honor

Chimes At Midnight

Interlude : Full of Briers

As always, spoilers up to The Brightest Fell and October 2018 for the Patreon stories. No spoilers for Night and Silence, and at this point I think I’ll have finished the entire reread by the time I get my copy. Which is just as well.

First off, ‘the winter long’ is one line after ‘rosemary and rue’. Is the final book going to be ‘Grace and Remembrance’? 

I really like TWL. This was a good book, filled with shifting allies and cameos by my favorite people. It’s probably my favorite after The Brightest Fell and not just because of Simon. 

I am going to ignore the fact that the knowe is called ‘Muir Woods’ even before it was named that in 1908. Maybe? Maybe Arden took up the name really quickly. I can’t find a mention of it by name in Patrick’s first short story and I can’t dig up “In Little Stars” right now to check if it was called Muir Woods back then. Patreon’s search sucks.

Onto the ball! A good ball, in which no one gets poisoned or nearly assassinated and Toby doesn’t commit murder. Yeah, if I was her I also wouldn’t want to go to fancy balls. She takes after Sylvester in that regard. 

Speaking of, hi Sylvester! Hi Li Quin!

Arden has social anxiety and needs more friends than Madden. I am surprised no noble Daoine Sidhe have come a-courting. At least she’ll get Walther and Cassandra to take jobs at court soon. 

I love Arden subtly copying Quentin in table manners. 

Are Raven-maids and -men the opposite of Selkies, born birds and need the feathers to transform?  Jazz takes off her band to turn into a raven. Amandine doesn’t, but presumably her magic can force the transformation regardless. Though Amandine does imply that destroying the band will keep her as a human. 

Yes, it’s time to put everyone to bed. Meanwhile, Toby gets to pull some all nighters.

Hello, Simon.

I love how no one has questioned where he was since Late Eclipses, and that only as a brief mention. He’s the tragic backstory, not meant to show up in the present. Oleander was that too, but now she’s dead and can’t hurt anyone anymore. 

Yeah, she was really not expecting that. Why is it that the bad things only happen to Toby during the books? From the plot summaries, the time between the books is the only time she gets to relax.

Yes, that’s not Sylvester. 

It’s sad how much Toby has internalized him as her personal boogeyman. Dugan, Riordan, Samson, the false Queen could all be fought. It wasn’t easy by any means, but here Toby’s given up without a fight which just doesn’t happen. She’s already determined this is a fight she can’t win. 

I love that the first thing Simon does is praise her. He genuinely does not mean her ill-will.

So Simon has not seen Evening in years prior to TWL and did come to warn Toby about it. Or, turn her into a tree for a hundred years, but to him, that is helping. Evening didn’t send him so he must have gotten word somehow that she was returning. Where was he all those years?

Hello Jazz, you have great timing. Sorry that you are once again attacked in your own home.

Simon didn’t come in limping – Toby turning his spell back against him must have hurt him badly.

Why exactly does Simon have so many transformation spells? Is this his own flower-based transformation or something he got from Evening? It could be his own – he once transformed Patrick’s suit into something more modern and there’s no indication that eventually failed. And why fish? Could he have transformed Patrick into a fish so he and Dianda could spend time together in the Undersea without breathing spells? That would be so cute.

Good job on using your cats to warn Tybalt.

I think even May gets over her feelings by the time of TBF, or at least, she’s willing to let him try so they can save Jazz.

All in all, Simon’s going to get what he wants by the end of this book, namely, Toby’s safety. Sure, he’s elf-shot but so’s Evening. It’s TBF where he’s going to get his ass kicked repeatedly.

Same, Quentin – I too have an endless supply of songs about boats. Five bucks says you’re singing “The Mary Ellen Carter”.

Tybalt probably would still shred Simon to pieces given the change but he’s out of the picture for all of TBF.

Why do you think you can predict what Simon’s going to do, Toby? You know literally nothing about his objectives. He’s also willing to answer what he can of your questions and tell you things without being asked.  

The knowe is willing to let Toby through, and she is family. Would the knowe have let Simon through because he helped build it? What about August?

Way to mess it up, Sylvester. You definitely should have told Toby about Simon before you sent her after him. But that’s in the past and doesn’t matter, does it, Sylvester? Just like September, just like August. It can’t hurt you anymore, right?

I do believe the twins were close once, and by 1840 that’s no longer the case, but it doesn’t matter until 1906. You didn’t help enough to find August, or you encouraged her too much, it doesn’t matter. Simon wanted you to hurt the way he hurt, and if you can’t see that, you have forgotten too much.

Yeah, I can’t imagine Simon hurting Amandine unless it was in direct defense of August or Toby. Sylvester, you should know Amandine’s not going to let him back into her life without August present. You should know this, why don’t you know this?

Tybalt, you told them to run, that is not the Torquills’ fault. Hey, remember that decree that says if you want to marry one of the three, that one can’t refuse?

“I need you to live long enough to be cannon fodder when Simon decides to attack.” Quentin loves you too, Toby.

You are missing a vital, vital piece of why Simon was running around with Oleander. He’s not doing it for shits and giggles, Toby.

Poor Luidaeg. It sucks having the answers and not being able to tell them. Toby’s doing better on the questions this time around.

“At least we know that Simon won’t be able to come after us there.” One small problem with that, Toby.

Does each Library have its own library card, or is it an all access pass?

Mags definitely wanted Toby to show up after Simon left. Whoops. And Toby, you still owe her your mother’s history.

Hi again, Simon. Maybe this time you can actually talk?                                                                        

Yeah, the arrangement with Oleander is definitely non-con. Everyone is glad she’s dead except probably Evening.

Simon has three modes in this book: what he thinks will help Toby, what Toby thinks is helpful, and what he does as a servant of Evening. This is the middle interaction – useful information, no one is transformed or hurt.

Toby, remember you still owe Mags info on your mom.

Amandine definitely ruined your life, Toby, even if you don’t want to admit it.

Good job on raising the dead, Toby.

I guess Evening is a vampire? There’s at least one Snow White legend like that.

“Your lover was a Selkie; he told me quite a bit after he died.” How- What- Did the Luidaeg summon the night haunts to talk to Connor?

How long had Simon been sitting on Toby’s doorstep? He must have gotten straight to Shadowed Hills to get the roses and then back to her place. To the rose gardens at least, he couldn’t have gotten into the halls themselves.

This is the other thing – Toby stops again to ask her personal boogeyman for help. She trusts him enough to do that, which is something we don’t see anywhere else in the series. To be fair, Simon does keep insisting that he’s there to help, which is something no other villain does.

And Simon’s convinced she’s going to die.

May’s benched again, which is a recurring theme that she specifically acknowledges. Let this girl have a field trip with Toby.

Although not into the ocean because that’s where everyone ended up! Hi Dianda. Thanks for saving Toby from drowning.

I wonder what would have happened if Toby told Dianda that Simon gave her the warning. Probably nothing good – here’s yet another trusted authority figure who knew about that relationship and didn’t tell her.

Hello Evening. Hate to see you again. If only Dianda could punch you in the face.

Here her magic is roses and snow but I swear I’ve seen it described as roses and apples somewhere.

So where was she these past few years as she recovered? Does she have another knowe?

So why is Marcia not affected by Evening’s magic? Evening doesn’t recognize Marcia as anything other than changeling, I think. But Evening wouldn’t care that much. I really really want her to be Titania. Maeve would be cool too, but I want her to be Titania.

Good thing no one drowned in that little episode, including Tybalt and Quentin.  

Hi Raj! Everything’s ok!

Props to Toby for being willing to burn the Library down to get it to close, and kudos to Mags for listening to her.

And Simon’s playing double agent on the phone. Toby couldn’t have gotten through this book without him.

Toby hasn’t actually slept since before the Yule ball. How many days and nights has it been since then?

So why did Evening get Quentin sent to Shadowed Hills directly after Luna and Raysel’s return? How did they break free?

Riordan was once in Alameda – how did she move down to Dreamer’s Glass?

And how did Sylvester know they were coming? Simon must have told Evening, or maybe Evening assumed Toby would show up.

Hi Etienne, Bridget and Chelsea!

Yes, leave the boys behind to play Xbox games. Good plan.

Luna does have several points about Evening, Raysel and Karen. Why, exactly, does Stacy have two Seer daughters? She is also smart enough to get her favor from Toby before telling Toby what’s going on.

Is Toby going to have to do a favor for every ally she has?

You can take the Daoine Sidhe out of the Torquill but you can’t take the fox-fur hair and golden eyes.

Poor Raysel. I hope this helps her.

Huzzah, Toby gets to sleep!

Hello again, Simon. OK, Toby doesn’t think he told Evening that she called Shadowed Hills. And he’s back at the house.

There’s something to be said for the image of Simon petting Toby’s rosebush-cat for hours.

Yes, everyone needs group therapy, which clearly doesn’t exist in Faerie.

Correction: there’s nothing in his blood now that she could change. If Toby knew enough to look, could she tell immediately? Maida told Toby that she was once a changeling, and now Toby can look at Quentin and see those watermarks. She has since looked at Sylvester and Simon and been unable to tell that they had human blood once, but Toby misses a lot.

Hmm, Toby is not this… intimate with anyone else. Mind walking while riding Simon’s blood? She’s never done this with living people before. I think if he can be saved in the end, it will involve something similar.

Yep, the non-con is strong here. Simon is a fascinating villain.

So what exactly was Simon planning here? Toby is not a tree. She’s out for several hours and up again. Was Simon buying her time?

Hi Luidaeg! Glad to see you up.

Titania also sounds like a shit mother.

Septiminus was Evening’s grandson. He certainly didn’t get his coloring from her.

“Most of her children died young.” But there were enough grandchildren to establish several Daoine Sidhe lines. Aethlin and Maida aren’t closely related to the Torquills or Dugan or Rhys or Riordan.

Maeve took what vengeance she could against Titania for the Luidaeg’s binding and we don’t know what that is, yet.

Ok, yes. This is where the Luidaeg says Evening’s signatures are apples and roses. Her own magic is brackish marshes and ocean air. Toby doesn’t ask about this.

Elizabeth Ryan would probably argue that the Luidaeg stole her heart but she isn’t here right now.  

I am pretty sure Evening is older than the Luidaeg, but the Luidaeg implies Maeve could have had children before her, just not through Oberon. And none of them are living now.

The Luidaeg knows who Amandine’s mother is and can’t say.                                    

Yes Evening, we know you don’t like Dianda and Patrick’s marriage. You can shut up about it now.

Is Dawn one of the things the Luidaeg can’t talk about? She is not mentioned at all in this book, least of all by Toby.

And Simon’s under Evening’s control again. Poor Tybalt.

And Toby’s covered in her own blood again.

Dammit, Sylvester, Simon’s better at giving Toby answers than you are.

Yes, which of the Queens owned that key? And what exactly is it?

Oh you still don’t know better by now, Toby. You are still somewhat blind to what’s going on around you.

Nice job breaking Evening’s spell, Toby.

Oh Simon, you were so close.

Being stabbed with Simon’s elf-shot laced blood is enough to take out a Firstborn but somehow drinking Nolan’s blood didn’t put Toby out.

Though being asleep isn’t going to stop her…

Naww, Tybalt and Toby are cute together.

Man, I really want to see Dianda and Patrick’s reactions on learning that Evening is the Daoine Sidhe Firstborn. And why does no one seem to recall Dawn? Is there a world-wide “don’t think about it” spell? If so, who could cast it?

[clumsyclifford]

(2/6) onto my playlist review: first of all thank you 😊 and no i'm very attached to being called fiancee 🙈 i'm in the mood to discuss music with you in detail again so have fun 😅 (this got long my apologies) maybe - these lyrics hurt my feelings. i feel called out but the song is very beautiful and lewis capaldi's voice is so so niice. i found a girl - i vibe with it a lot though i'm a bit wary about the friendzone-y vibe of the lyrics but it's catchy as fuck.

(3/6) catastrophize - so amazing. but like has noah kahan written a bad song? i don't think so. apropos noah kahan i think i might be in love with him bc i watched the music video for mess and like. yes. that's what a music video should be 🙈 happy - I JUST WANT TO BE FUCKING HAPPY. i feel that song so much julia michaels truly has a way with words.

(4/6) everyday life - again love the lyrics sooo much. look what god gave her - what a bop. this song makes me like ridiculously happy? also i don't get the hate country music gets like i personally don't listen to it but that's only bc i'm not really exposed to it. lonely girl - also a bop. gotta love a kind of aggressive break up vibe. edge of tonight - i cannot put my love for this song into words. might just be my favourite of future hearts (okay no not favourite but top 3 bc i can't choose)

(5/6) and bc i love your recs i listened to the songs from the tags as well: lucy - a vibe. did not expect to like it when it started but turns out i like it a lot actually. living on love - only one i don't really vibe with it's a bit too much for me, sorry ajr (great lyrical content as usual though) i believe you - i can't really deal with this song. i love that it exists but i couldn't listen to it all the way through once i paid attention to the lyrics.

(6/6) are there other songs you can recommend by fletcher though? bc it really did sound lovely. life changes - ADORABLE. love the kind of story vibe? also life goals. i could use a love song - same. biiiig same. come hang out - really dig that one. oh especially like the little clicks at the end -fiancee

RIGHT i am gonna put my answers under the cut because i have Things to Say but this is long

u know what that’s fair enough about i found a girl i just think the song does a decent job of taking responsibility and him being like “it’s on me, i’m the one who assumed something that wasn’t there” like in the bridge he’s like “i can’t believe that i just think like a man” like yeah buddy you did but at least you own it!!! so that’s why it doesn’t really bother me about the song but i totally get what u mean

KHJSDFKLGMKDFGJ correct noah kahan has never written or made a bad song in his life <3 GKJFKGMFLKJ FAIR ENOUGH that’s the one w the dogs right...........points made. points indeed. have you seen the false confidence video? i like that one

bro happy just FUCKING hits different. like?? julia michaels really does have a way w words like somehow she always manages to concisely phrase very specific thoughts and feelings. and like saying “i just wanna be fucking happy” ??? i just feel like nobody else in the world would have written it that way. and it’s like. it’s so real. “sometimes i think i kill relationships for art” LIKE HELLO HOLY SHIT ??!?!?!?!!?!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!

mate ive had my ups and downs w country music but have ultimately decided it has some GOOD stuff in there. starting point i recommend thomas rhett (new album is called center point road it is lovely but the one that life changes is from is also good can’t remember the name atm) also side note i shuffled my music today and look what god gave her was the first song that played <3 love that for us <3 it’s just so good like thomas rhett is chugging that loves-his-wife juice all day every day

re: lonely girl that whole album is !!! really good !!! i know i just rec’d a fuckton of shit to you so i shouldn’t keep giving you stuff but i have to just say that from that album (which is called the other side), my favorites are say please, you don’t owe me anything, hell and back, and come home. oh and the other side (the song). okay it’s a really good album what can i say. plus bonus for female-fronted pop punk band

that is honestly fair enough the energy of edge of tonight is really. it’s. yeah. i get it. like i get it. 

babe omg u are amazing <3 yeah simple creatures is alex gaskarth’s side project (with mark hoppus!) when they took that year off from all time low and it is self-described by them as “trash pop” but i absolutely live for it. fair enough about ajr that one hurts but i respect your taste especially since you’re so amenable to literally everything else i listen to. however MAYBE you would like dear winter since it doesn’t have the Really Produced vibe of literally every other ajr song. and maybe turning out too BUT IM NOT RECCING YOU MORE AJR SINCE YOU JUST SAID YOU DONT VIBE

ok true maybe i should have given you a warning w that one sorry love <3 but YES i will happily rec more fletcher how about strangers, princess, if you’re gonna lie, you should talk. i really really REALLY am in love w fletcher i listened to her because she was gonna be opening for niall when i saw him (along w lewis capaldi!! like what a fucking trio !!!! but anyway) and i am very sad that i won’t be seeing her anymore but she’s got some TUNES i tell ya

OKAY!!! i loveeee life changes so much seriously the lyrical fucking brilliance......idk what thomas rhett is on but i want some. hes SO good. i could use a love song reminds me of my sister which is like 70% of why it’s so close to my heart but it is a lovely song tbf. and. you LIKED come hang out !!! oh god refraining from telling you to listen to the entire album the click because im. im not gonna do that. but oh my god do i love ajr

anyway.........it really means a lot to me that you actually listened to all the songs and ??? thought about them ???? and TOLD ME YOUR THOUGHTS ???? like have i mentioned lately how much i adore you because i don’t think you understand. like. sharing music w someone, recommending music is such a, like, i dont know. it feels really intimate to me? and sometimes people will just not pay attention when u play em a song and that sucks so anyway not to get all sappy on you i just feel really strongly about the emotion of sharing music and the fact that you take the time to listen every time i recommend things, and tell me your thoughts about them. yeah. love you a whole lot.

[ffuturefoundation]

@ravenmechanic​ did those post with question about their life during 2017 just before the year ended, and i wanted to answer the question too. i am just a little late with it (like i am with everything lately...)  anyway also tagging @laurel-jane-juspeczyk​ if that is okay, just bc it is me talking about my life and how things have been and yeah it’d be cool if both of you read it but also fine if not.

it’s under a read more, bc it is kinda long.

what did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before? I drove a car! Which went much better than expected and while everything surrounding it isn't so great, i feel v good about the actual driving aspect. I also moved in with someone, just in a roommate capacity but that's still a big deal. I made cookies for the first time (that I can remember)!! I left therapy and felt somewhat ready about it for the first time (I'm used to being told to leave because they can't help me or things like that so this was a v nice change) And I got glasses, which I guess isn't really a thing I did but still was a v new thing. i can’t believe it has been less than a year?? it feels like i’ve always had them tbh.

did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Ha nope. Okay tbf I didn't really make any resolutions at all, it's more that I had goals for the year, namely getting a job and getting my driver's license, and I have failed at both and spent way way too much money on driving classes already. did anyone close to you give birth? Nope did anyone close to you die? Charlie died in the middle of January which was really difficult for me, because she just meant the world to me and it wasn't just a joke when I referred to her as the light of my life. I'm feeling okay about it now and I have different pets now, but she was really an amazing little creature and I wish she was still a part of my life what countries did you visit? The only country I have visited is France. I mean I've driven through two other countries and I've obviously been in the country my family is from and the one I live in, but that's it. so even counting all of that, it is only five countries, which does not feel like much at all (okay i have been in germany to grocery shop and buy clothes, as well so it isn’t like i’ve only driven through that. but i haven’t been anywhere in belgium besides just travelling through!! i don’t think i’ve even gotten out of the car there. i need to go there this year.) what would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017? A job (i am joking, sort of). But mostly having someone to hug. Having some sort of physical contact with people, because I'm so tactile, and I just need physical affection and I can't get it. (This is honestly my biggest challenge in life which sounds so stupid, but yeah one of the biggest issues in my life has always been not having people to hug)

what dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? When Charlie died. Going on holiday with two of my friends. telling my friend about the csa stuff and then discovering a mouse in their apartment, that was really something (the tension was so thick and heavy, and then /hey you guys have a mouse/). Going to the zoo with my sister and niece, any day I was with them tbh.

what was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting more emotionally stable and healthy. I know I'm still a mess quite often, but I've never been as stable as I've been this year (at least not without being super dissociated and barely existing) Also it's the first year that I didn't actually consider killing myself, which is a huge deal. 

what was your biggest failure? Not getting a job

did you suffer illness or injury? Overall I've been pretty healthy

what was the best thing you bought? I impulse bought 12 puzzles in the middle of the night once, and honestly it's the best thing I did. I've gotten so much joy and calm and just a general feeling of achievement from those puzzles. 

whose behavior merited celebration? Uhm tbh my own, for continuing to try to achieve my goals whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I want to say my parents but they haven't been too terrible this year, I just find the fact that they exist horrible already.

where did most of your money go? Driving classes…. (We're definitely over 20000 DKK already and I still don't have a license)

what did you get really, really, really excited about? Oh boy, I got so into Spider-Man it is almost ridiculous. I also got excited about other things but my current interest in Peter Parker is some heavy special interest stuff, and it just makes me really happy tbh. i fell super hard for mcu peter parker cause he is such a sweet child, and then i read the ultimate spiderman comics, and i can confidently say that 1610 peter parker is my fave, he is such an anxious disaster that never knows what to do, i love him. (i mean 616 is also cool, though lbr he is an asshole (he is a nice one and never cruel but yk)) what song will always remind you of 2017? I guess it would probably be top of the world by Greek fire, because I listened to that so so many times for the Peter Parker fanvideo that I made (and also in general had it in my music playlist so yeah probably that one)

what do you wish you’d done more of? Written more, and practiced other things more as well. Just that I'd work harder on learning more skills, though I did still do that quite a bit, but it could have been more

what do you wish you’d done less of? Probably laying in bed (says me a person who is currently laying on the couch xD but the couch is a lot better than my bed tbh) how did you spend christmas? I spend Christmas Eve with my grandparents for the first time that I can remember and it was great! I'm so glad I got the opportunity to spend it with them. First Christmas Day I did nothing. And second Christmas day my sister came over so I spend a lot of time with her and my niece which was great.

what was your favorite tv program? The librarians, which is just so much fun and such a quality show. I can't recommend it enough. Also the expanse, which has great characters and is very interesting. And of course leverage like always, because it is the best show ever.

do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No what was the best book you read? I can't even remember what books I've read what was your greatest musical discovery? I don't know. I did start listening to more music though, which I think is a good thing, because I'm just getting more comfortable with it really (and just myself in general) what did you want and get? I feel more secure and free from my family

what did you want and not get? Someone to hug what was your favorite film of this year? Spider-Man homecoming. I saw it so many times it was ridiculous, and I just got completely obsessed with it which then started my interest in Peter Parker. The movie just brought me so much happiness. Though I'm now definitely at a point where I have quite some criticism about the movie. what did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 23, and i didn't do anything special. Honestly I just read comics really xD fun fact though my entire family was together celebrating the birthday of other people and only my uncle bothered to call me and wish me happy birthday (3 people did text me though but still) and it wasn't even the actual birthday of those people whose birthday they celebrated...

what one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Being more financially secure how would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017? Long sleeved shirts with t-shirts over them. Also of course hoodies.

what kept you sane? Honestly my medication which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I was into Tom Holland for like two weeks, which was the strangest thing because I'm usually v much not into famous people because Idol worship is v much not my thing because everyone is fake anyway and they're mostly trained liars that I do not know. who did you miss? My sister. Also Charlie because she died and was the best animal ❤ who was the best new person you met? Idk I didn't meet anyone that I'm really close to tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017. Plans, goals and reputation don't matter. Just live your life in a way that makes you happy and content.

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: Didn't say you had a girlfriend Rio: but you can tell her she's hitting me up with the back off too late and under fucked up misunderstanding, like 😂 Buster: Didn't say it 'cause I don't Buster: If some girl wishes that's her problem Buster: And yours now like 😂 Rio: It ain't funny, blowing up my phone making me look suspect, like Rio: anyway, Nance gave me the lowdown already so I know she's a cunt so I don't have to hold back Buster: Who's laughing? Buster: Send her my way if she's that desperate Buster: The lads are boring like Rio: Seriously? Rio: No I will Rio: if you're gonna do your own like that you can sort it yourself, not her pimp Rio: not* Buster: Whatever Rio: It so isn't but that's on you Rio: Are you lot out tonight then? Buster: Course Buster: You think I'm waiting at home for you, babe? Rio: Har dee har Rio: sounds like you had a cosy night in in mind tbf Rio: where you going then, wanna meet up? Buster: Not got the light or kettle on like Buster: Sick of the lad already? Rio: Yeah, what you had in mind Rio: Nah, but 2 ain't a party Rio: and I'm going home tomorrow so Buster: Wanna see if he can hang Buster: Fair Buster: I'll bring the party to you then, babe Rio: Pretty much Rio: You're feeling chipper today Buster: I'll insult you when I get there if you really want Rio: Not my kink Rio: would get us back to the status quo though Buster: Just buzzing 'cause you're off home and outta my way like Buster: Can't blame me Rio: I bet Buster: Not looking forward to kicking it in your own ends any more or what? Buster: I know you'll miss me but come on Rio: Nah but it ain't gonna be all fun and games when I get back is it Rio: Shit to sort Rio: but gotta be done Rio: and you wish Rio: I got reason to come back and annoy you some more now Buster: You're not gonna get grounded Buster: Don't worry about it Buster: And I know, kid Buster: Always making it obvious, Cavante Rio: Don't be daft Rio: I've gotta look out for Nance Rio: avoid another ex Rio: all that drama Rio: You're OBVIOUSLY deranged, McKenna Buster: You're used to all that shit many times over Buster: You got this, ma Rio: Shut up! 😂 Rio: Doesn't mean I don't get tired of it Buster: It ain't my fault you've had more exes than I've had fam dinners Buster: Not even starting on family bullshit of yours Buster: Well I'll sort you a decent line when I get there, put a pep back in your step, yeah? Rio: Yeah it is Rio: No show, you are Rio: and bet you've had more, just 'cos you ain't claiming 'em Rio: Go for it Buster: Fuck off I'm being nice here Buster: Trying to give you a proper going away and you're trying to fight me Rio: 🤷 Rio: Soz Rio: Only way I know how, clearly, all those exes, like Buster: What's wrong, babe? I know you ain't gonna miss me that bad so what is it? Rio: You shouldn't fuck Chloe Rio: Idk, you shouldn't have put that in my head Buster: I haven't Buster: She's not my type. I know what you reckon but I do have some standards Rio: Alright, good Rio: Too many lines already, I'm paranoid Rio: she's bad news Buster: Come get some fresh air with me then Buster: Plenty of people say that about me, like. Not that I'm trying to make a connection to her. Fuck that Rio: Might help Rio: Thought you were with your boys though Rio: Yeah but, at least you're upfront about what you are, good or bad Rio: 🐍 Buster: They'll be fine if I don't hold their hands through every song, babe Buster: She's really got to you, yeah? Rio: I'm just being dramatic, too many strangers here Rio: but she did a number on Nancy, that I know for facts, stand by the bad vibes even if I could relax on it rn Buster: Where are you, specifics. I'm come and get you if you ain't coming out Buster: Find those cunts later Rio: Idk, ages away from yours Rio: we're meant to be but the pre-party still going strong Rio: I'll meet you somewhere? Buster: Keep your phone on, I'll be that stalker and work out where you are Buster: Meet you near Rio: Not just a pretty face, ladies and gents Rio: It's alright, just pick a club, no need to ruin the night Buster: At least you're finally admitting how hot I am Rio: 🙄 Really needing the ego boost, yeah? Sure 👌😂 Buster: Find you in The Grand, yeah? Rio: Got it Buster: Half an hour max Rio: Cool, I'm nearer than you so I'll see you in there Rio: *He'd obviously been offended she wanted to leave the party and get a headstart on him on the town, but it was way too soon to show it (thank fuck) and still save face, so she got out without much pouting and whining. Only needed to take one bus, turns out she was about five minutes down the road from Clapham, tops; good to know. Maybe that was why she was feeling so out of it? Not knowing where she was, and who with? Been in that scenario before though and she'd not got this rattled so- blatant bullshit. Rio didn't plan on admitting it to him, but it had way more to do with Buster McKenna than was healthy. Head fuck.  This is why they avoided each other, and had for a while now. It weren't no good trying to just be nice to each other, always went too far. And arguing and being cunts didn't exactly cool the energy between 'em either. No, ignoring each other's existence was key. And yet here she was, going out to party with him. Well fucking done, girl. She rolled her eyes at herself, jogging up and down on the spot impatiently, near enough to the front of the club's queue now she needed to remember to look her hottest so they'd let her in faster. And result. She was in, no coat to put up, so she was away. Barstool, 'round of vodka shots, sorted. Toes tapping, faster than the beat of this shit tune. It was pretty early still, the club only now filling up. Shouldn't have an issue finding her. Not that it was a good idea but finish what they'd started now, like.* Buster: *The lads had been chilling at his since the afternoon doing fuck all of much but getting on his nerves, and when Barnaby suggested getting the drinks in and making something of the night he wasn't even the most relieved of the lot of them, like, so face saved there. Nice one, lad. It was the first decent favor any of them had done him in Christ knows how long, not that he was letting it show. Not a fucking amateur at that either, cheers. There was a girl he'd swiped that was why he was keen to be off. No other reason that they'd had to be privy to. James had been chatting about his cousin since he got with her and Buster wasn't trying to add to that conversation. They didn't know what they were fucking saying anyway. Silly pricks. Let them wonder and speculate over his antics tonight with the Tinder blonde, or any other, they loved it. He had his own mind full of bullshit that he personally didn't love. Worry was a new emotion regarding Rio, one that he didn't feel confident over dealing with, and a lack of confidence was even newer territory than giving a shit about Cavante's emotions. Or so he told himself before he racked up the lines to turn all that off for a while. Worked out proper well for him that had, here he was off and running to cheer her up or what the fuck ever. What was his fucking goal meant to be? Soft cunt. Gonna send her goodnight texts later or what, like? Stupid. Get real all he was gonna do was buy her some watered down drinks for as long as she let him. Big fucking deal and no great help. Still, as soon as he was in he took the stool next to her and did exactly that, ordering more of what she already had.* Rio: *And just like that, he was there by her side. As if this was all standard and they did it all the time. This week maybe but neither of them should get too fucking cosy with the idea, like. She took her share of the drinks without protest, even though she had nothing but empties to offer by the time he arrived. * Next round, like. *She shrugged, spinning the nearest shot glass aimlessly, avoiding eye contact She then spun herself to face the dance floor, like she was surveying the talent from her perch on high. This was fucking ridiculous. He'd be saying as much if she didn't act fast. Jumping up, the tunes still not there but she'd have to make do. As she weaved her way through the crowds, she took a second to break the rules and make eye contact, looking back at him and motioning with a question of 'are you coming?' hanging in the air.* Buster: *He wasn't listening to her 'cause that's how focused he had to be on not staring at her. She looked so fucking good. He'd said as much the other day, believing it when he did, but this was different. He felt it bones deep and more crucially, didn't know how not to show he was being affected. Fuck's sake. No more coke for him until he got his shit together like. Sort your head out, you twat. He shook it, playing as if he was shrugging off her offer to pay 'cause it was better she reckoned he was trying to buy her off again than- What? For the second time tonight he was already asking himself what the fuck he was trying to achieve. Shit. At least before he could chat any more nonsense to himself, or her, Rio was up and away. Not far enough given how easy dancing made it to be close, like, but a reprieve he could count in seconds. Breaths to take. Buster should've known in the next minute she'd steal it all off him with a look. Course. It was an old game. And he'd never once played by the rules, had he? It was too late to start now. He wasn't no choir boy and she was leaving in the morning she'd said. Fuck it. Not a fucking amateur, remember? He'd call her bluff and cheer her up before this shit tune was done. It was just dancing, who the hell was he if he couldn't handle that, yeah? Rio: *Again, screaming internally, asking what the fuck she thought she was doing and why the hell she was doint it; All the while making no effort to slow down, never mind stop. So glad he couldn't read her as well as he claimed, the fucking laugh he'd have about how much she was silently protesting (much too much for it to be anything but mortifying; and very bloody telling). Still, she knew the feeling of eyes lingering on her body well enough by now to know that's what was happening, what he was doing, despite himself. Despite herself, and what a good, sensible girl should do, she smirked, smug satisfaction at taking the lead in both senses. Fuck it, she could say it was the coke making her act up. If he was feeling brave enough in his own good behaviour to question it after. Not likely. So why not? She wanted this right now, so she was going for it. Whatever 'it' was. Stop thinking. Let your body takeover completely. With that in mind, or out of it, she began to move, getting closer to him than was necessary, routine full of 'almost' contact, designed to tease.* Buster: *The song was still shit but he wasn't listening to it either now. Couldn't hear anything but the sound of two heartbeats, his thumping enough to be shaming if he gave a fuck about anything other than getting closer than she already was to him, and hers once he was, echoing such a similar beat. There was smugness in having her rhythm there alongside the intrusion of his, literally hammering away at her pretense of utter control too. Loud and clear for him, drowning out everything that had been said before. Bullshit. Necessary but still ridiculous to look back on from where they were now. Nice try, Cavante, 'cause guess what, I know you are, babe. He wore a smirk to match hers, letting his 'routine' in turn spell out that the teasing shit had gone on long enough, while the hand which had settled on her waist as he moved pulled her body into his. He'd snorted his fair share of lines if he needed something to blame it on other than just being fucking over it and wanting to play a new game and it was unlikely she was gonna challenge him at this point. Hardly blameless herself, yeah? Whatever.* Rio: *She looks down at where his hand has ended up, eyes traveling back up to meet his, slowly, appreciating his body as she did so, letting him know she knew it was anything but a happy accident, but that she wasn't going to say anything either way. Hardly could now, could she? A silent deal being made on the floor tonight. 'This stays between us.' It didn't mean anything, like. Just sexual attraction, however fucked. She wouldn't hold it against his character if he didn't against hers. What happened in the club, like. Such a fucking cliche, Christ; but she felt like being one just this once if it felt this good. She had her back towards him now, winding up and down, hips clashing, making her ache. Before Rio could stop herself (a reoccurring theme of her time with him, it seemed), she had placed her hands over his, still on her waist, and was moving them down, to where she wanted them right now. Fuck. He was definitely going to pull away now, probably have some choice words for how sick and creepy and wrong she was and she didn't have a leg to stand on, no case to fight. Before he could, thinking fast (hopefully faster than he could), she pulls gently on his neck, so she can reach his ear to shout into it, shit tunes always being played too loud.* You promised me a line. Buster: *He shouldn't be this turned on by a few dance moves and unwavering eye contact but he is and there was no way she couldn't know, bodies pressed against each other as tightly as they were. Fucking hell. Yeah, he could lie to himself that it was the fault of the rich, white girls he usually approached not knowing how to dance without doing shit imitations of their current favorite pop icon or being too eager to check him out (sizing him up the same as he did them) to hold his gaze, but that's all it'd be, more bullshit when he'd already said no more.  It was too fucking obvious what this was about and what he wanted. And every movement of hers was as telling. None more so than when she stopped herself, 'cause it was forced in a way that none of their other actions had been, thought out instead of fluid. Of course, immediately after came a brief moment when he reckoned she was gonna nibble on his earlobe or something. No going back then, like, but he should've realised the headfuck was gonna come from a more familiar (as far as Rio Cavante was concerned) direction. Christ. When was the last time another girl had left him wanting more, this much and this soon? Buster couldn't remember. Couldn't think.  State of him.  At least her pulling away to speak let him breathe. He smirked again, faking regaining more composure than he had around her as standard, never mind on a night like this. Nodding his head in the direction of the toilets briefly, he leaned in to reply. * Come on, let's get you sorted. Rio: *She took him by the hand, pulling him through the crowd with an impatience they could both pretend was about coke. Yeah, right. Neither of 'em was fooled or in the mood for fooling now. Her mind had been fully made up for her when his reaction of outrage, disgust, and horror hadn't come; but the opposite had, the hardness she felt tight against her mirroring the ache she felt, less obvious outwardly but, was it though? He knew. She knew he knew so time to do something about it, boy! Now or never, like. Door swinging behind 'em, pulling him into the first free cubicle, reaching behind his frame to lock up, purposely trailing her hand against his exposed forearm, outstretched fingers softly trailing along the veins there, taut between ample muscle and goosebumped skin. Fucking hell. It wasn't her fault he was so god damn attractive. Regret it in the morning. She'd be long gone by then. Breaking eye contact away from where it had fallen below the belt (oops), she grinned, green meeting blue, breathing as laboured as heart.* Go on then... Buster: *The last thing he should have done was followed her into a space where every time his body shifted (however fucking subtly. Or not) it brushed somehow against hers, bringing them back to teasing each other, 'cause unless he pushed her fully against the cubicle wall there was no way to create the blatant friction they both craved, and he wasn't about to do that. Not yet. If she wanted coke, she was gonna have it. Simple as. Just as well that act was though, distracted as he'd become, like. If Buster let himself look back on any of tonight (not wise but nevertheless still likely) he'd pat himself on the back for once again not being a fucking amateur, fine chopping the lines on his coffee table before he came out so all that was left was to unwrap that shit, lay hers out and roll up a note. He'd been on autopilot getting the drugs from his pocket, breathing ragged as hers, the feeling of her stare (and where it was purposefully aimed) leaving him incapable of coherent thought about anything else. Fuck. He wanted her so bad. His own eyes fixed on the locked door, checking and rechecking, focused solely on trying to do that until the memory of her touching his arm resurfaced and then all he could think of was the idea that formed. He smirked for...what a third time? ... Christ knows, before laying her coke out on another, higher patch of exposed skin, eyebrow raised, wordlessly asking Rio how badly she wanted her share now.* Rio: *And there it was. Another silent challenge, a dare. No need for fucking words creating any unwanted space between them, made her wonder why they'd ever bothered when this was so, SO much better. No comparison. Of course, the answer was they bothered so they didn't end up here but she wasn't listening to sense tonight, fuck off. Right now, she WANTED to be here, nowhere else she'd rather, frankly. Fret over it later, like. Or not. It felt TOO damn right to call it wrong. So she wouldn't. And he wouldn't. And no one else need ever know. She wants to hesitate, knows she should. Eyebrows raising to make some display of being all 'really?', like she's so scandalized or not into it, only doing it 'cos she couldn't refuse a dare, could she? But Rio Cavante didn't even flinch, crashing into him full force, pushing him against the door, arms wrapped around his neck to steady herself, steady them both. This close, the heat of him unbearably sexy, his body was so toned and fucking perfect, Christ! She felt dizzy with it, sweat was slicking the white powder to his naked skin, collar bone a natural shelf to hold it. The temptation to lick it off him like salt for a tequila shot was almost too much but she didn't want to be accused of wasting the coke, so she pressed her nose into him, snorting it with ease, shuddering more from the sensation of being this close than anything else, tipping her head back in pleasure, hoping he didn't hear the small moan than found its way out.* Fuck! *Snapping her head back, rubbing her nose with a sniff, damn. Okay. She obviously had to one-up him. What else was a girl to do, yeah? She moved away, to the bag still laid out on the top of the loo, grabbing it 'fore he had a chance to stop her or do anything else to drive her crazy. Shit, she had to take back some control, like! She smirked back at him, the solution to her problem of how to best Buster McKenna becoming obvious as she looked down. Racking it up on her ample cleavage, as if to say, triple dog dare you, McKenna* Buster: *There was half a second as his shoulder blades hit the door, rattling the hinges with the force of their bodies colliding again, closer than they'd been yet somehow but still, at the same time - impossibly- not enough, that he wanted to tell her 'fuck the coke' or something like it. Swore he could almost feel the words tumbling out, begging practically for her to just fucking kiss him instead. But he didn't. Or make a move to himself either. As soon as he heard her moan he knew why, even though they'd waited years and his entire body was insisting that he couldn't any more, refusing in the form of his own shudders as he stood there, knees weak from barely any contact. Fuck's sake. There was so much promise in that sound that Buster grinned, holding her gaze with baited breath until she gave his eyes no choice but to travel with her, settling exactly where she planned for them to. * Oh fuck. *If she said anything about him stealing the words out of her mouth later (not that they could chat about any of this casually) he'd deny it, not realising an echo had escaped from him as he launched himself towards her, lifting her slightly so she rose to meet his bowed head easily. Finally Rio's back landed hard (thankfully against wood same as his had rather than cold, dirty porcelain) with force enough that she'd feel it tomorrow. He wanted that more than anything, even as his line disappeared, snorted all too soon. Fuck her trying to pretend she didn't remember, if her mind pulled that shit her body would call her a liar. He'd made sure of that, like. There was always more he could do though, and he didn't hesitate to put his mouth on the skin she'd already offered him, kisses desperately hard and bruising as his hands trailed lightly down her body, skimming each curve more brazenly than he'd ever looked her up and down before. Christ that seemed like a lifetime ago, her beckoning him onto the dance floor. Not that it mattered. Too much had happened to go back now and there was well more than he needed to happen still.* Rio: *Her cries, a mixture of pleasure and pain as she was unceremoniously slammed into the wall, caught in her throat. Like she couldn't express how much she wanted this, NEEDED this. And she couldn't. No moaning or dirty talk was going to cut it but she could but try. Knowing he knew regardless, and that he felt it too, only amped it up further.* You want me so bad, huh?* Stating the obvious for her own satisfaction, no question mark needed. Muffled curses at him; warning him if he dared stop, to do more, worse, faster, harder, NOW; acting as their version of pillow talk. Pulling his hair, novelty of being above him in the literal. Rio found purchase, sitting atop the toilet, kicking the seat down so he could kneel as she spread her legs for him, pushing his head down, showing him where she needed him.* Please, Buster, please... *She didn't care that this was a club bathroom, that people could definitely hear them, that they'd be hearing a lot more soon if she had anything to do with it. That he was her fucking cousin. Fuck. She just did not care about anything but having him touch her, fuck her. But before he could, there was a monstrous bang on the door that rattled the hinges harder than they had only a few minutes previous.* Shit! Legs clamping shut, jumping down from the seat, pocketing the drugs in her bra without hesitation, she clambered over him, pushing him back, so he was sat down.* I got this, yeah? Worry about yourself. Catch you later... *Rio murmured, squeezing his hand in the hope he'd fucking listen to her, not trusting a coked out McKenna to deal with what was clearly a bouncer and not just a punter desperate for a piss, like. She squeezed out of the smallest possible gap in the door, shutting it behind her, so Buster wasn't spotted.* Buster: *Fuck me. *Holy shit, every word out of her mouth was fucking him up but it was the begging that REALLY sent him over and made him use a phrase that was ridiculously literal. He couldn't help it, knowing that she wanted him bad enough to say that shit out loud what he hadn't when the coke first came out, made more than his knees go weak. He was about to insist that she told him what she wanted again, just to hear it, biting his lip to prevent a moan from coming out before the sentence did when something makes everything stop. It turned his wants back to fantasy, yet again becoming a scenario that wouldn't happen. 'Cause he isn't stupid. As much as many other parts of him were desperate to ignore the pounding on the door, his head, coked out as it is, still knows that they can't. The hired muscle out there wouldn't let them. Shit. It was somehow the unrealest part of this, fucked up as that sounded even to no other ears but his own, that this was how the night was going to end, not how he'd finally let himself want it to. They'd both given in, fully, and there was no pretending at this point (whatever he might convince himself of later, dismissing the night as a weird headfuck etc etc) the drugs were why he wanted her so badly. And worse, all they were now were the reason why he couldn't have her. Fuck's sake. Buster hadn't felt a surge of anger overwhelm him this utterly -suddenly too- since his sister left. Wherever he looked was flooded red, and for Rio's frantic movement, the only thing he managed to do was bite his tongue and clench his fists. Until she'd gone and then he stood up, immediately pacing (an agitated cokehead cliche) the cubicle transformed into a cage he didn't dare leave in this state. Just as well 'cause the next second had him striking out, kicking out hard at the space where their bodies had been, with as much power as he felt had been robbed from him. The wood protested one last time, drowning every sound in his head out with the crash, thank fuck. The cubicle didn't fall to pieces, of fucking course, 'cause it was another thing he needed to happen and he sank back onto the toilet seat, taking shallow breaths.*

[senatorblitz]

interesting keschuns

taking a break from writing things! only doing this for fun so not tagging anyone (i.e. no obligations!). but if you do feel like playing please do!

01: tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?

i thought he was so kind. i thought he had the gentlest heart i’d ever met and i just wanted to wrap my arms around it and keep it forever

02: what on your body is hurting or bothering you?

honestly my stomach. im lactose intolerant, wildly disobedient, and currently suffering

03: what was your last thought before going to bed last night?

why not me?

04: what are you listening to?

the heater in my house. i had music on but i suddenly slipped into ‘hating everything i have on itunes’ mode and...yes.

05: what’s something you’re not looking forward to?

certifying my rank list

06: where do you think your best friend is right now?

probably in a car somewhere, driving along

07: have you kissed anybody in the last five days?

it’s been too fucking long

08: favorite song?

the one my brothers and sisters made up. ill never get tired of it, ever.

09: kiss on the first date?

sex on a first date. if i like you enough to say yes to foods, i like you enough for all the rest 10: is there one person you want to be with right now?

yes, that’s not the problem

11: are you seriously happy with where you are in life?

i’m just not going to answer this question. it isn’t the right question and answering this one would just make things all wrong.

12: is there something you would like to say to someone?

“all that shit you just said about that patient is hella inappropriate. go away.”

13: what are three things you did today?

taught middle schoolers how to tie a tourniquet and taught them how to use an intraosseous drill on an egg.. i ate cereal. i contemplated my existence.

14: would you rather sleep at a friend’s or have them over?

have them over. i have less rules.

15: what is your favorite kind of gum?

the kind that makes my breath not stink

16: are you friends with any of your ex boyfriends/ girlfriends?

no.

17: what is on your wrists right now?

sleeves?

18: ever liked someone you thought you didn’t stand a chance with?

lol i feel as if this is a common occurrence for all people. though tbf, the only reason i didn’t think i stood a chance was because he was on tv. and also a cartoon character. so. yeah.

19: does anyone have strong feelings for you?

you should ask this anyone person

20: are you slowly drifting away from someone?

i don’t slowly drift away. i cut people off.

21: have you ever wasted your time on someone?

yup

22: can you do the alphabet in sign language?

randomly, yes. i taught myself from sesame street books.

23: how have you felt today?

angry. confused. alone. i don’t want to talk about it. 24: you receive £60 without any reason, what do you spend it on?

as i will be in england next week, i will spend it on karaoke, booze, and sushi

25: what is wrong with you right now?

my heart hurts. i don’t like being this honest.

26: is there anyone you’re really disappointed in?

so many.

27: would you rather have starbucks or jamba juice right now?

jamba. i don’t do well with caffeine

28: why aren’t you in ‘love’ with your last ex anymore?

haha. i don’t have an ex just yet, but ill let you know

29: how late did you stay up last night and why?

till 11. i was supposed to be working and then got unmotivated

30: when was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

five minutes ago

31: what were you doing an hour ago?

tumblring

32: what are you looking forward to in the next month?

going to england and sending in my match list and having direction?

33: are you wearing jeans right now?

nope. scrub pants. far more comfortable

34: are you a patient person?

sort of. i hate waiting, but i can take a lot of punishment. i dont think im patient. i think i just love people too much.

35: do you think you can last in a relationship for three months?

oh for damn sure

36: favorite color?

it is and always will be, blue

37: did you have a dream last night?

i don’t remember it

38: are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?

neither, scrubs

39: if someone could be cuddling you right now, who would you want it to be?

i don’t want to be cuddled right now. so air. thin air.

40: do you love anyone who is not related to you?

yes

41: if someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?

no. not currently available and it’d make things awkward

42: do you like meeting new people?

sometimes

43: are you afraid of falling in love?

no

44: ever self-harmed or starved yourself?

no

45: has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?

haha. um. i think so? usually they are just called big.

46: have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough?

the question is when do you ever feel good enough. #never. #impostersyndrome