Hello! Could you review my OC please? I’m just in the beginning stage of creating her so I don’t have a lot of background yet orz.
(Also, I’m sorry if my english is bad TAT)
Name: Fujiwara Miyabi
Kanji: 藤原 雅
Meaning: Fuji: Wisteria Hara: Field, Miyabi: Elegance
Alias/Nicknames: Miya, Miyabi-chan
Gender: female
Sexual orientation: heterosexual
Birthday: 03/15
Age: Part I: 16 Part II: 18 The Last: 20
Zodiac sign: Pisces
— Clan information —
The Fujiwara clan is an old shinobi clan focusing on the use of wagakki (japanese traditional instruments) for genjutsu techniques. The family is also a musical troup that tour the festival every summer. Each member is in charge of an instrument but they all learn different instruments.
— Characteristics —
Blood type: A
Height: Part I: 165cm Part II: 170cm
Weight: Part I: 45kg Part II: 50kg
Eyes: Brown
Hair: Brown, almost black. Long hair with the Hime cut (straight bangs).
Skin: Fair
Unusual Features:
Has a scar in the back of her shoulder
— Ninja information —
Affiliation: Konoha gakure
Current rank: Jounin
-Genin promotion: 12yo
-Chuunin promotion: 15yo
-Jounin promotion: 19yo
Occupation: She works with her family as a musical troupe. She is in charge of the Taiko. They often participate in festivals in Konoha and other countries.
Status: Active
Ninja-ID:
Team: Asahi Kayo (朝日 加陽), Chiba Ryôsei (千羽 綾西) Sensei: Kanako (夏菜子)
Chackra nature: Water, wind
Ninjustsu range: Short-mid range
Deffensive/Offensive type: More of the offensive type.
Dominant hand: Right handed
Weapons: Has scrolls with different kind of taiko to perform genjutsu. Uses mainly the Yari spear.
Summonings:
Name: Shishou
Species: Kitsune fox
Abilities: Tracking
Missions completed:
D-rank: 20
C-rank: 11
B-rank: 16
A-rank: 13
S-rank: 2
Total: 52
Abilities:
Strength: She is very calm, a very talented taiko drummer. She is also quite a good actress.
Weakness: Has a fear of failure. Can be seen as stuck-up and cold-hearted.
Taijutsu: Good
Ninjutsu: Good
Genjutsu: Excellent
Fighting style: She usually traps her enemy with genjutsu before closing in and fight with her taijutsu.
Ninja stats:
Academy:
NIN: 0.5/5
TAI: 1/5
GEN: 1.5/5
KEN(intelligence): 2/5
RIKI(power): 0.5/5
SOKU(speed): 1/5
SEI(chakra): 1.5/5
IN(finger sign): 1/5
Total: 9/40
Genin:
NIN: 1.5/5
TAI: 1.5/5
GEN: 2/5
KEN(intelligence): 2.5/5
RIKI(power): 1/5
SOKU(speed): 2/5
SEI(chakra): 2/5
IN(finger sign): 1.5/5
Total: 14/40
Chuunin:
NIN: 2/5
TAI: 3.5/5
GEN: 4/5
KEN(intelligence): 3.5/5
RIKI(power): 2.5/5
SOKU(speed): 3.5/5
SEI(chakra): 3/5
IN(finger sign): 3/5
Total: 25/40
Jounin:
NIN: 3/5
TAI: 4/5
GEN: 4.5/5
KEN(intelligence): 4/5
RIKI(power): 3.5/5
SOKU(speed): 4.5/5
SEI(chakra): 3.5/5
IN(finger sign): 4/5
Total: 31/40
— Techinques —
Ninjutsu:
She is good in Ninjutsu but use it rarely
Techniques:
Technique 1: Chôchô Musubi (water). Create a lasso of water. Used for capturing and hinder a target.
Taijutsu:
She is skilled in taijutsu. With her artistic upbringing people often say that it looks like she is dancing.
Genjutsu:
She excells at genjutsu since she is learning it from a young age. Use the taiko for creating illusions.
— Personal traits —
Personality:
Good traits: Honorable, Kind, Intelligent, Calm
Bad traits: Easily scared (she dislike ghosts stories and things like that), stuck-up,
Likes:
-foods: Katsudon
-colors: Purple
-favourite animal: Cat
-what she likes to do in her free time: playing the taiko, baking and reading poetry
Dislikes:
-foods and drinks: Alcohol, fish
-colors: Yellow
-less favourite animal: Snakes
-what she doesn’t likes to do in her free time: Cooking
Habbits: Touch her nose when embarassed
Hobbies: She is quite a bookworm and collects poetry books. Her favorite book is the Hyakunin Isshu. She alos like playing the Karuta
Fears: Fear of failure
Ambition: Become recognised as a great genjutsu user and protect her village and the people she love.
— Relationships —
Parents: Father: Hajime (一), Mother: Shiori (栞)
Siblings: Misaki (美咲 20 f), Kuon (永遠 14 m), Kotone (琴音 f)/Suzune (鈴音 8 f)
Relative(s): Uncle: Idzuru (居鶴) Aunt: Migiwa (汀)
Cousins: Ageha (紅葉 19 f), Junna (淳和 15 f), Naoya (直也 13 m)
Grand father: Haruo (春雄) Grand mother: Wakana (和奏D.)
Teammates: Kayo, Ryôsei
how they get along? She gets along well with her teammates even though Kayo and Ryôsei tends to fight a bit. She is usually the one to calm them down. Is like the big sister of her team.
Friends:
Fujita Hikaru (藤田 光): The son of her father’s friend. He acts like a big brother and has a slight crush on Miyabi. He can be quite overprotective but she appreciate him nevertheless.
Best friend: Saionji Umeka (西園寺 梅香), she is her best friend since they were born. Umeka isn’t a shinobi but they like to spend time together.
Let me preface this by saying: Your English is wonderful.
I like how much thought you put into your characters interests, and I LOVE the fact you included her family a little on her (especially since it wasn’t an overwhelming wall of information about each member.
I will point out that Fujiwara (藤原氏) means ‘Wisteria Branch’, originating in the 600’s with Nakatomi no Katamari (later Fujiwara by Emperor Tenji).
I like the concept of music and theater being the main basis of your character. I think there are a lot of possibilities you can explore on this front.
Wagakki appears to be a band and is not the name of a set of traditional instruments. For further research, I recommend this link right here
You could potentially look into Min yo, thought it seems more like gagaku (orchistral court music) appears to be more of what you’re looking for.
Unless you oc is extremely strong, a taiko would not be a good idea. I don’t know if you’ve looked into the history of the taiko drum, but they were previously used by blacksmiths as a means of signaling or warning of incoming attacks. Having actively played the taiko drum before, I can verify that it takes a tremendous amount of upper body strength to even get it to make a sound, let alone keep a steady rhythm enough for it to be played for any amount of time. If you have your heart set on having her play the taiko, I strongly recommend making her a strength-based kunoichi, with a body type to match (broad shoulders, muscular, which would also make her a bit heavier and not as agile).
I really do think using a taiko would be going on the 'offensive’. She could potentially use the vibrations to send some sort of disruptions into the opponent, casting a genjutsu, or even causing minor earthquakes that would disrupt the opponent.
I would like to see her noted strengths expanded more. What makes her a good actress, if she’s calm or not very emotive? What sort of acting does she do? We know she can’t be Kabuki, so does she do noh or kyogen? Perhaps she acts as musical accompaniment to bunraku? Or is it a more contemporary type of acting?
Where does her fear of failure come from? Is she a perfectionist, or is she just ambitious and drive, or have something to prove (to herself or to someone else)? In what was is she stuck up and cold hearted? Is she particularly cruel or aloof? Be careful in this that you’re not sounding like Koyuki from Clash In The Land Of Snow.
I do feel as though 'kind’ and 'stuck up’ are contradictory. Perhaps 'aloof’ would be a better description? Perhaps she takes a while to warm up to people.
How does her water Lasso align with her other skills? How is she good at ninjutsu if she uses it seldom? Does she practice a lot? Could you maybe substitute fans instead of a lasso, so it would fit in later with her taijutsu ability?
Is her style of taijutsu more of a traditional dance, or is it more modernized/western? Who is saying she looks like she’s dancing? If it’s her enemies, then stop right there. If it’s her teachers, is this a critisicm, or a praise? How will her movements benefit her, or are they just pretty? Could this be a point of future character development?
I feel like you’ve picked good ages for promotion, though I might push back the jounin until she’s a bit older (20-22) just to space it out a little bit and make it seem more natural. I imagine it takes a bit longer for a chuunin to become a jounin than it takes for a gennin to become a chuunin.
As for her summon…hmmm….I would be extremely cautious about summoning a 'kitsune’ due to their status in Japanese folklore. Up until now, I haven’t picked up on anythign that your OC would imply that the kitsune plays any significant role in her life. Kitsune’s are traditionally shapeshifters, and are frequently known for being tricksters as well as untrustworthy and unlucky/evil (particularly during the Edo period, where superstition reigned supreme). I can see how that may play into a genjutsu user, however, how else would the kitsune play into her life? What makes the kitsune choose her, or what makes her choose the kitsune?
She likes baking, but not cooking (though they’re pretty interrelated, so this is confusing to me).
So she likes playing cards? Or is it specifically kyogi karuta? We know she likes Sengoku-era literature, perhaps have her look into the Chushingura, which is a fairly well-known bunraku play. Since she has a history in theater, this might interest her. She might also like Murasaki Shikibu (who was also a Fujiwara) or Sei Shonagon’s work.
I’m spotting a theme here, which ties into her calmness. I would like to also see her have a few weakness’ as well, other than her fear of failure. Perhaps she’s calm on the outside but can be extremely irritable or has outbursts where the facade is broken. If she’s calm all the time, it starts be be a bit Sue-ish and can make a character difficult to relate to for a reader. She is human, after all, and every human has their moments of frustration or anger. Other than that, i think you’ve done a great job of putting together a group of friends and family members for her.
I hope this helps flesh her out a little more! Best of luck in pushing forward with her in the future!
~Murasaki
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