#tara speaks now

[foolishone]

might have to watch the game on nickelodeon instead lmao

[wistfulwatcher]

in a n o t h e r life

[cinnammongiirl]

moodboard: working at the bau 💼🔍👣🧠📚☕

[officialrapunzelfitzherbert]

maybe next time

word count: 2.5k

fandom: buffy the vampire slayer

characters: tara maclay & rupert giles

summary: tara attempts to break the ice with giles after the birthday incident with her family.

preview:

Tara saw what Mr. Giles had with Buffy. She saw what he had with the whole group. She knew just how badly she wanted that, and it felt so big and powerful that she wasn't sure if she could ever touch it. He didn't know her that way. She didn't really know him that way, either.

She might never see her father again.

a/n i do not have an ao3 account and do not remember my ff.net password so yall are getting my first fic since 2012 on this webbed site have fun everybody. perhaps i will write again in another 12 years <3

In no particular order, Tara had three goals for her trip to the Magic Box.

Goal #1: Formally apologize to Mr. Giles for the spell that got his shop attacked by demons and for involving him in the family drama that followed.

Goal #2: Have a real one-on-one conversation with Mr. Giles.

Goal #3 (optional): If he's open to it, get a job at the Magic Box to get to know Mr. Giles better.

She'd had it all mapped out. She'd been taking notes and rehearsing whenever no one was looking. She had a whole story about being on an errand for Willow so that she had an excuse if she needed to make a quick exit. She knew exactly which crystal she was going to buy, exactly what coffee order she had to pick up on her way back to their dorm, and exactly where she would hide to look busy browsing if she started to panic.

The truth was that Tara adored Mr. Giles. Unfortunately, she was painfully aware of why. It didn't help that Willow had been dropping hints that the two of them should be closer ever since the recent birthday incident with her father. It wasn't that Tara didn't appreciate the encouragement, but every time Willow mentioned his name and gave her that Knowing Willow Look, it just felt so important that the pressure got the tiniest bit debilitating.

Tara saw what Mr. Giles had with Buffy. She saw what he had with the whole group. She knew just how badly she wanted that, and it felt so big and powerful that she wasn't sure if she could ever touch it. He didn't know her that way. She didn't really know him that way, either.

She might never see her father again.

The last thing Tara wanted was to embarrass herself in front of Mr. Giles by letting him see how much she wanted him to like her. She knew she was projecting. But every day that passed without her saying a word to him was starting to feel like another nail in a coffin. If she averted her eyes from him one more time, she was sure he'd think she hated him. That or that she was terrified of him - not entirely untrue, but not in the way he probably thought. Maybe if they started working together while the shop was still new and there were tasks to complete, it would help them break through whatever polite-off they were having.

Before her birthday, she'd almost given up on being his friend. But now she had two pieces of evidence that it wasn't a lost cause:

Exhibit A: He'd stood up to her father for her.

Exhibit B: He gave her a birthday present.

He still hardly knew her. But it was proof that he cared. She wasn't imagining that, as much as the self-conscious worms in her brain kept trying to tell her she must have been. She was there. She saw it. She had the crystal ball on her desk. That was real.

If there was ever a window, it was now.

So she found herself at the Magic Box replaying her script over and over in her head. The plan was to get right into it so she wouldn't have time to overthink it, but as she walked in to see Mr. Giles and Anya in the middle of a semi-heated but clearly petty argument, she realized this wasn't a scenario she'd planned for.

As Mr. Giles heard the door open and made a split-second of awkward eye contact with her, Tara gave a weak smile and a wave. He smiled back politely but his attention very quickly went back to Anya, who hadn't stopped talking long enough to take a breath, let alone notice that someone else was there.

Tara waited about two seconds before making a beeline to her hiding spot among the books.

She'd made it 3 pages into a book she already owned by the time Anya let out a long dramatic sigh and went downstairs to storage. She took a deep breath. Tara liked Anya, but it was always hard to predict what she was going to say. If she wanted to eliminate as many variables as she could, she had to do this now.

Acting as natural as possible, Tara walked over to the crystals. Even though she was expecting it, she still flinched a little when she heard a voice calling from behind the counter.

“Sorry, Tara, did you need anything?”

“Hi, Mr. Giles,” Tara replied, “Oh, I was just here to pick something up for Willow, she's in class right now so…”

Tara fought back a wince as she heard herself speak and mentally updated her list.

Goal #4: Figure out a way to organically stop calling him Mr. Giles.

She'd already said it once today, so it might be too obvious if she dropped the “Mr.” in the same conversation, but maybe by the next time they talked, they'd be familiar enough that he wouldn't notice.

Keeping that in the back of her mind, she forced herself to get started on goal #3:

“Oh, but while I'm here, I was actually just…” Tara stammered, fidgeting with the crystal she'd picked up as her script escaped her, “well, I wanted to ask if… I’m happy to help out if you need-”

“Of course,” said Giles before she could finish, “Well, you have, you've- everything you've done for Buffy, for all of us-”

"No, I-” Tara stopped herself for a second and reminded herself that he was giving her a compliment that she needed to acknowledge. “Yeah, always. I just meant... In the shop, if you’re looking for an extra set of hands for anything, I'm available."

"Oh, well, if you're looking for a job…” Giles paused in a way that made Tara's heart sink.

He was looking for the kindest way to say no.

“Well,” he continued, “Anya's not one for taking days off, I’m afraid, so there's not really a position- that is to say the budget at this stage is still- but-”

“Oh, that's okay,” Tara interrupted so he wouldn't have to come up with any more reasons to justify it, “No worries. I was just-”

“And I wouldn't want to interfere with your studies-”

“Totally get it.”

“Perhaps during the holidays, I might have some extra work for you. It's a bit early to say for sure, but I expect I'll need everyone's help on Halloween if nothing else.”

“Maybe then, yeah.”

“I'm sorry that's all I can really-”

“No, it's no big deal. I was just saying if you needed… And I mean, I'm not so great with the customers anyways.”

Giles blinked. “You've met Anya?”

Tara chuckled softly and felt her shoulders relax just a little.

“Well,” Giles continued, “if anything, keeping the floor stocked is probably where I'll need the most backup. You'll certainly be the first to know.”

“Yeah, of course.”

There was a brief pause. This counted as a one-one-one conversation, didn't it? That was goal #2. Goal #3 of getting a job had been eliminated and #4 was for the next time they talked. So all that was left for today was #1: apologize. That was the real challenge. She wasn't sure if this was going to naturally come up, but if she could just spit it out and leave as quickly as possible, she wouldn't have to see his reaction.

“Speaking of holidays,” said Giles, “you've got somewhere to go?”

This caught Tara off-guard.

“Huh?”

She hadn't been looking at him since he'd politely rejected her, but this got her to finally look up and see a softness in his face that she wasn't prepared for.

“Yeah,” she said when she finally remembered how to speak, “Willow and I haven't made a plan yet exactly, but whatever she's up to. I know she wants us to do my first Hanukkah this year, so I'm excited for that.”

Tara felt her voice drop what felt like a full octave when she started talking about Willow earnestly. That subject was always easy. Giles clearly noticed this and smiled.

“That's wonderful.”

“You did Thanksgiving at your place last year, right?”

“Well, Buffy did, it was my place, but that was a bit of a-”

“Oh, I don't mean to-” Tara stammered, hoping she hadn't just accidentally invited herself into his home. Sometimes she spoke just to make sure words were coming out of her mouth and would realize at the end of the sentence that she might have implied something she didn't mean.

“I guess you wouldn't really celebrate it,” Tara went on, “Willow usually doesn't either.”

Giles gave that polite laugh that was more of a quick exhale. Tara knew from her own experience that this meant he didn't know how to respond to that.

Was it rude to assume he would celebrate American Thanksgiving? Should she be asking about English holidays?

Goal #5: Learn about English holidays later.

A few agonizing seconds passed as Tara desperately tried to flip through her mental script for the next talking point that felt the most organic, but Giles spoke before she could.

“Well, last year, we all got together at Buffy's with her family for Christmas,” he said, “I'm sure they'll be hosting again this year. Of course you're welcome to come.”

Tara smiled. “That sounds nice.”

“You're not the only one with a, um… difficult family situation. You'll fit right in, I’m sure.”

Tara didn't know how to process when anyone said something that implied they'd been thinking of her, much less someone she admired as much as Giles. She also didn't know much about the other Scoobies’ families. But as she thought about each of them and the things they didn't talk about, it hit her that maybe her own family didn't make her an outsider after all. Maybe that was actually the one thing she had in common with everyone.

She found herself suddenly curious about how Giles grew up. What were his parents like? Were they still alive? Did he ever have a family of his own?

So many questions that it wasn't time to ask yet. For now, she was simply grateful.

“Thanks. And I um…” She took a deep breath. It was now or never. “I wanted to apologize about that. I didn't mean to bring my family stuff into your-”

“No, no, that's-”

“Really, I-”

“Tara, believe me, if it's not demons threatening my life in the workplace, it's angry customers. Between the two of them, I'll take the ones I'm allowed to hit, if I'm being honest. And as for the spell, I mean, it's not as if I… as if we all haven't… Just as long as you're all right.”

“It's just…My dad was so-”

“Your father I could have taken if Buffy wouldn't have gotten to him first,” said Giles, his accent getting just a little less posh for a moment. His lips tightened as if he had more words that he thought it best not to say out loud.

It was hard to picture Mr. Giles in a fight. But Tara had heard stories. Apparently he could be terrifying when he needed to be. Willow had described it as him being two completely different people: one a mild-mannered British librarian who couldn't hurt a fly, and the other a man with that look you only have if you've killed in cold blood before and aren't afraid to do it again. Tara had only ever seen glimpses of the second one. Every time she'd seen the scarier Giles, though, she'd noticed he was always protecting someone.

Now that she was the one being protected, he didn't feel like two people at all. She didn't know all the details of what he'd done in his past. She didn't need to. In this moment, as far as she was concerned, the gap between the gentle Giles and the terrifying Giles was bridged. At the core of both was just a man who cared.

“Thank you,” Tara said softly.

“Of course. And you're…?” Giles trailed off, gesturing to her nose where Spike had hit her.

“Oh!” Tara exclaimed, remembering to breathe again now that she'd been reminded she had a nose and lungs attached to it somewhere. “Yeah, I'm fine. Not broken. I put some ice on it.”

“Glad to hear it. Sorry he hit you. I'm sure there was another way we could've-”

“No, it's fine. It was quicker.”

Giles shrugged. A few more seconds of silence passed and Tara felt her face getting hot as she became hyper-aware of herself. If she let on just how much this talk meant to her now, she was sure to blow this whole thing. It was best to make her exit for today and do this in small doses.

“Well, I'd better go,” she said, placing the crystal by the register, “Just this.”

She quickly looked down to dig into her bag for her wallet, letting her hair fall in front of her face and praying that she hadn't turned into a tomato in front of someone whose approval she was so desperate for. Giles put a hand up to stop her.

“On me.”

Tara's eyes widened. “Are you sure?”

Giles ripped off the price tag and glanced over to the door that Anya was sure to return through any moment now.

“Well, best to keep it quiet,” he said, discreetly shoving the sticker into his pocket so he wouldn't be caught giving away free product, “but really, I insist.”

“Okay,” Tara said, freezing for a second. When it came to her birthday, she knew that gifts could have just been because of an unspoken social rule, or maybe just to please Willow. This, however, was a kindness Tara had done nothing to earn. Before she'd put the crystal down, she'd been gripping it so hard there were indents on her fingers. Now, as she picked it back up, she was cradling it as if any movement would shatter it completely.

“Thank you so much,” she said, knowing that it wasn't enough, but not knowing what else to say. “Well, I'll see you later, Mr. Giles.”

Tara saw him think for a second, almost open his mouth to speak, and then stop himself. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but she could have sworn he was about to tell her that she could just call him Giles. He looked a little embarrassed for a moment, but gathered himself quickly and just gave a gentle nod.

Maybe next time.

“Take care,” Giles said as Tara waved goodbye.

His smile was a lot like his usual polite customer service smile, but there was a hint of warmth in it now. She'd seen that before, but she couldn't remember ever being on the receiving end until now. But maybe she had been. Maybe she'd just been too nervous to look at him long enough to notice.

Two out of five goals achieved. And one new piece of evidence to put next to the crystal ball on her desk.

She could work with that.

[meffez]

evo is going to make me wail and cry in the club.

[smolmakerel]

"You can't leave me! I won't let you!"

"Christina, lo juro por Dios [I swear to God], get the fuck out of my way or -"

"Or what? You'll hit me? Hit me then! Give me a reason to call the cops!"

"Mamá?!"

"You're fucking crazy! Just like that bastard's father!"

"Don't talk about him like that!"

Tara curled up under the kitchen table, one of her favorite hide-and-seek spots because of the table cloth. She couldn't understand what her parents were screaming about, Sammy piping in every once in a while, but she knew she didn't like it.

It sounded scary.

With caution, Tara lifted the cream table cloth and peaked up.

Mamá was beating her fists against Papi's chest, face creased in rage. Sammy was fighting to place herself between the two, but neither of the two noticed.

Tara flinched when Sammy was shoved out of the way by their papá. She scrambled out from beneath the table and stood, unsure, behind her mamá.

"¿Mamá? ¿Papá?" Tara uttered. Both of her padres² stopped arguing and turned to her, and she shifted awkwardly. "¿Esta todo bien?" [Mom? Dad? Is everything ok?]

Papi's eyes softened while his shoulders sagged. "Sí, no te preocupes. Me quedaré con mis padres por el momento si quieres venir conmigo." [Yes, don't worry. I'm going to stay with my parents for the time being if you want to come with me.]

Tara blinked in confusion. Why was her papi leaving? Why did it sound like he didn't want to take Mamá or Sammy with them?

Before Tara could ask, Mamá was screaming again. She slammed her palms over her ears with a whimper. She never did like whenever they fought.

"Stop fighting!" Sammy cried out. "Can't you see that Tara's scared?!"

Papi narrowed his eyes. "Shut your bastard mouth!"

Sammy took a wounded step backwards.

Papi's eyes then went wide. He looked between Mamá and Sammy, then he turned his eyes to Tara.

"Is she even mine?"

"Listen -"

"Tell me the fucking truth for once in your miserable fucking life, ¡puta!" Papi roared out, and it shook the house into silence.

Mamá looked away. "Of course she is."

"... I don't believe you."

Tara stumbled out of the way when Papi shoved her out of the way. She followed behind the small group and gasped when she saw Papi's business suitcase full of clothes sitting on his leather recliner.

"¡Papi!" Tara began to cry, finally realizing what was happening. "¡Por favor no te vayas!" [Please don't go!]

Papi continued to pack up despite Mamás furious threats of calling the police, Sam's panic at the escalating situation, and Tara's full-blown meltdown.

Tara was close to hyperventilating as she threw her body at her papá and clung to his leg. He tried to shake her off, but she held tightly to his gray slacks.

She was the last person he was with when they both heard yelling coming from the master bedroom. Papi had begged her to clean her room and get ready for bed, going as far as to bribe her with a homemade caramel flan. But then he abruptly left.

The yelling only increased in volume, and, after an hour, Tara crept downstairs to hide out.

Was this her fault somehow?

"P-Papi, por favor -" she wheezed, chest constricting. She could barely breathe, let alone get her words out properly.

Hands roughly shoved her away, and Tara stared up at her Papi in horror. He stared back with an equally distraught expression.

"Tara," he gasped. "Lo lamento -" [I'm sorry -]

Mamá burst into a fit of rage.

Tara sat on the floor for the rest of the night. She blocked out the rest of her parents' argument and sat there. She sat there while her Papi left them.

He slammed the door. He never slammed the door.

Sammy tried to help her. Tara took the inhaler but remained on the floor by the stairs, watching the door for when Papi would come back.

He never did.

[elliehallers]

@slashersweethearts Every time you reblog something for AmberMeli and I reblog it for John/Madison, I'm just like "Damn, we're really both out here making Last True Lovergirl™️ OCs for our favorite evil blorbo crushes to abuse."

[railingsofsorrow]

i didn't understand the hype in the fandom for tara lewis until she finally entered the team on season 11. now I do. she's fucking amazing.

[extincto]

Graffiti seen in Te Aro, Wellington

[schrodingerspsycho]

Enchanted is the anthem for Meet Cut(e) and Cowboy Like Me is the anthem for Another Shot btw. If you even care

[foolishone]

physical media will always be better than digital media you can never change my mind about this

[indi-glo-archive]

i hate imogen with a passion

[chaoticbard]

{{ Finally beat the Neth.erbrain. What a lovely epilogue that was! I'd been spoiled to small bits of it, but most of it was a very delightful surprise. }}

[allthegothihopgirls]

no way that jake, after spending an entire stream complaining about his new lip piercings, decides getting another one less than 48 hours later is the right move

[eunoiaastralwings]

seriously if any idiots on tumblr come at mutuals for being unoriginal - fucking shut up and leave. I seriously do not understand now you're identifying someone's own hard work un-fucking-original.

It's their own work - that they put their hours and energy into, how the fuck is deemed to be unoriginal. Many people here use the same events, same prompts and same fucking ideas ! - please but that isn't fucking plagiarism or unoriginal if they choose it have it written their own way - it their own words.

One blogs event isn't going to the exact fucking same at the other! Obviously, the writer is different, the followers are different, the fandom could be different.

The only thing that fucking matters is that everyone in a fandom comes together for celebrations and join in on fun ! ! !

If som people don't see that - THEN DON'T BOTHER FUCKING INTERACTING AND DISCOURAGE PEOPLE ! ! !

GET THE FUCK OUT

[i-could-bee-an-angel]

Tara Jones is a swiftie confirmed