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gordontheengineswifenirmal · 1 month ago

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Good point. They don’t usually start out life as haters n such. This goes for any gender. They are shaped by their environment. Peers , the media they consume, relatives, friends, etc. instill toxic thoughts into them. If they are not taught straight away to think for themselves - question BOTH sides of arguments, do research, and use logical common sense thinking, they will wind up biased. That’s how these things REALLY occur. That is only one example. Sadly, whilst a lot of what modern people ‘advocate’ for isn’t completely wrong or false, they believe and spread misinformation, because it’s more socially gratifying.

It’s the crowd on a bridge mentality-

I used to be annoyed af hearing this growing up. Now that I’m older and wiser, I see the value in it. Sadly, you would THINK the most obvious answer to the question is ‘no’. And verbally, it may be. However, in actions, it’s very different. This is why narcissists gain followers so easily. Some folks are afraid to stand up against the narcissist. Others think that they will benefit from the praise they get by following along. In truth, they’re allowing themselves to be used. It’s a sad existence, really. The narcissists suck the soul out of their followers.

This has a lot of relevance in terms of wokeness as well. Consider the following:

https://criticaltherapyantidote.org/2022/09/25/group-narcissistic-manifestations-in-critical-social-justice-aka-woke-movements-part-1/

The first, overarching feature of the Woke worldview is the common-enemy (a type of paranoid defence) position its adherents and purveyors assume in the world. The Woke common-enemy position is an identitarian position, in which society is politically categorised according to immutable characteristics as identity markers (race, sex/gender, sexual orientation, ability, etc.). By assigning moral value to these characteristics, in-group/out-group social dichotomies are created, and society is split between an oppressed, innocent victim class on the one hand, and a hostile, evil oppressor class on the other. The Woke worldview is a system in which collectives are morally essentialised. Assigned collective innocence or guilt serves as a template to judge each interaction on an individual level, including each participant’s feelings, intentions, judgments, wishes and character traits. ‘The question isn’t did racism (or sexism or homophobia or transphobia or ablism, etc.) take place, but rather, where it took place’ as DiAngelo proclaims. The psychodynamic defence in operation here is splitting, which is a primitive defence mechanism whereby individuals experience themselves or others as totally good or totally bad. This mechanism is most observed among infants, severely regressed individuals and groups, and severe personality pathologies.

From the all-bad perspective of this split, a person disidentifies from, devalues and dehumanises the Oppressor. This demonised Other is relegated to a state of culpability, deserving of contempt and destruction. Simultaneously from the all-good perspective, identification with and idealisation of the Victim takes place, where the Victim is endowed with a state of moral purity, innocence and vulnerability. The Oppressor is viewed as a cruel, merciless monster, against whom the Victim should be defended. Since moral essentialisation has taken place, obliteration of the Oppressor is not only morally justified (as the Victim is morally infallible) it is actively encouraged, as the slightest measure of leniency is seen as capitulation to an utterly evil Oppressor, which will only lead to further unnecessary suffering of the Victim. Ironically, the behaviour of Woke Victims and their allies toward the Oppressor is no different from that of which they accuse the Oppressor. Silencing and suppression of speech, public attacks and humiliation, death threats, destructive looting and the like are behaviours one would associate with tyrants; the irony is that the Woke Victim class and their allies have a commitment to precisely such behaviour.

Socially, the Woke worldview is proclaimed as sophisticated and moral, and those who ascribe to it, receive social prestige. Intersectional victimhood status and heroic allyship are promoted as convictions that would earn a person much-coveted socio-moral status. Proclaimers of this worldview often admit to their own biases and prejudices, and use these admissions as the basis to assume that everyone else was socialised to have the exact same biases. As Robin DiAngelo demonstrated in her book, White Fragility, instead of taking responsibility for their own racism, failing to live up to the ideals of their own worldview, they projecttheir failures and frustrations onto the collective Oppressor class, with equally vicious aggression, physical violence, public humiliation, demonisation, and cancellation.

Because the moral status of whole groups of people is determined by their immutable characteristics (or parts), the Woke Victims and their allies collectively assume a part-object representation (more about this concept below) of the world. This global attribution of either culpability or moral glory based on mere aspects of a person or class prohibits an ambivalentposition in which the whole person with all their traits (good and bad) is engaged with. To permanently cement these peculiar object relations, the following features are written into the Worldview:

* immutable characteristics are selected as moral registers;

* historical guilt and innocence are regarded as ever-present realities;

* history is revised and sanitised to remove any historical empathy that could lead to ambivalence;

* statistics of wealth, poverty, employment and suffering are selectively reported to sustain the Victim/Oppressor narrative;

* completion of the work of dismantling and destruction is deferred. This ensures a constant supply of societal objects (cultural, linguistic, scientific, biological, historical, and personal) to problematise (devalue and earmark for destruction) and dismantle.

A consequence of such psychological processes is a collective embodiment of what Melanie Klein described as primal envy. This is demonstrated through the following: their impaired ability to endure an ambivalent position (the opposite of splitting); their impaired ability to appreciate and preserve what is deemed valuable by society; the perpetual shifting of targets earmarked for destruction; the ever evasiveness of gratitude and peace; and the sheer pleasure from fantasising about, verbalising and enacting destruction of cultural artefacts, online mobbing, reactive abuse and trolling. Such destructiveness requires immense aggression, moral self-justification (essential self-idealisation, a feature of grandiosity), and divesting the Other of reason for mercy (essential devaluation). Maintaining such caustic envy requires committed self-idealisation, since the weakening of moral self-righteousness may leave room for appreciation of the Other, which in turn might bring the Woke adherent face-to-face with their own sheer destructiveness – a realisation that could burden them with unbearable guilt and shame.

Within this worldview, a complex assemblage of internal, defensive operations is activated. These defences cohere in such a fashion, that Woke ideologues exhibit a predictable array of attitudes, judgments and behaviours projected upon themselves, members of their in-group, celebrities who endorse their ideological position and their ideological enemies. The character structure of these defences is well-known to those familiar with psychodynamic psychology (see McWilliams, 2011). This structure is a clear depiction of collective narcissism. To see how this analysis fits into the narcissistic superstructure, and to see how the defensive operations within the Woke ideological movement assemble into three narcissistic character types, a more detailed discussion of narcissism is needed.

Characteristics of the narcissistic subject

In psychoanalytic psychology, object relations refer to the way a person relates to the world of people and things, based on specific beliefs and expectations about themselves and those others. These patterns can be conceptualised as internal structures or templates which each person unconsciously and exhaustively enacts toward themselves and others. In their object relations, narcissists have a particular bias or central tendency in their relational structure, namely, to relate to themselves and to others, based on mere aspects or parts of themselves and others. A person is imagined to be either totally good or totally bad (split defences), based on aspects of that person they regard as all good or all bad. They would consider someone to be all bad, for instance, based on their struggle with their temper, or their lack of sporting ability, or sense of guilt for past mistakes, etc., or imagine another to be all good, based on their sense of humour, or their participation in a favourite sports team, or their support of a particular ideology, etc. This dynamic – the judgement of the self or another in their totality based on parts or aspects thereof – is called part-object representations.

Another characteristic of the narcissist’s relational dynamic is their demand for agreement, affirmation, approval, and obedience. These mirroring demands exist precisely because the narcissist feels fusedin their object relations, meaning that, what they think, feel or believe to be true is assumed to be present also in the minds of others. They lack the capacity to authentically appreciate distinct subjective experiences of others. As Fromm notes, “[T]he narcissistic person cannot perceive the reality within another person as distinct from his own” (p. 70).

The narcissistic person remains stuck within an internal and interpersonal echo chamber of sorts to ensure that a fragmented self is not activated, and instead is provided with a steady supply of affirmations and celebrations of their own beliefs, achievements and perceptions. What is described here is commonly called a narcissistic extension of the self. Whatever the narcissist identifies with – their appearance, opinions, preferences of style, political allegiance, ideological positions, social causes, friends, children, pets etc. – they incorporate into their expanded sense of self and treat these as if they were extensions of themselves. As Fromm observes, “Just as the narcissistic person has made his “self-image” the object of his narcissistic attachment, he does the same with everything connected with him. His ideas, his knowledge, his house, but also people in his ‘sphere of interest’ become objects of his narcissistic attachment” (p. 74).

We can see a textbook example of that echo chamber mentality here -

As you can see, several elements of what we discussed come into play here -

1. The turgid boasting of oneself

2. Extremely exaggerated insults

3. No opposing views are allowed

4. Everyone agrees, and several comments tend to sound repetitive in nature. They lack creativity. They literally echo each other.

5. They are insulting someone who is sex repulsed. The sex repulsed target isn’t going on about sex, but these folks sure are, especially the accusers. That's a rather weighty guilty conscience they have going there! 😂

6. They go through the same general script to intimidate and harass - (I cannot tell you how many other people have relayed that they’ve been falsely called paedos. This is why!). This is done again, for shock value, and to draw as many folks in as possible. Common themes are - anything sexual, deviant, and shocking; claims that the victim is harassing them (stalking, doxxing, etc.), insults, manipulation - (they will try to assert their power over victims in any way they can), name calling/insults, claims that the victim supports anything vulgar. Again, the goal is to make the victim look as evil as possible, so as to draw popularity away from them. Multiple narcissists may even team up in the echo chamber, as long as they agree with each other, and feed off each other. This ends when friction occurs between them.

7. Here’s another secret - in many communities, especially in fandoms, you will get people who are wildly popular. This is fine, as sometimes, they have some measure of talent. These are often folks who have become well known to other fans. They are generally harmless, until some switch flips, and their narcissistic behaviour causes them to act out. This is how you often find the toxicity within the community. You may even find others have been bullied and harassed by the same people at some point.

8. They tend to leave clues in their messages. For example, when one said ‘this wasn’t their first rodeo either’, they not only repeated what I had said (I have been a victim multiple times). In their case, it may have been a hint that they have bullied others before. In time, you can learn to pick up on these little hints. They will make you laugh and question certain things about the narcissist(s) and their followers.

10. They tend to follow a general hierarchy. These are often the ones who are the loudest and most outspoken, and who garner the most attention. In the fandom’s case, this would be bruhstation, crinklyssprinkly, haru, trainnster, and a few others. Those who are lower will comment and reblog, but are less outspoken. Those who are further down may comment. Others might just favourite the posts. This is why they get blocked. They feed into the general problem, because they are not allowed to have opinions of their own. If they attempt to, it will be seen as ‘defending the enemy’, and they too will become victimised.

https://www.straighttalkcounseling.org/post/narcissism-brainwashing-and-groupthink-how-narcissists-act-like-cult-leaders

Narcissism, Brainwashing, and Groupthink: How Narcissists Act Like Cult Leaders

When we think of cult leaders, we typically picture famous men such as Charlie Manson, Jim Jones, or David Koresh. These leaders seem far removed from our simple lives. We may question the motives of those who follow them. How could a person believe them? Why would people leave their entire families and lives to follow them? How could normal individuals become so far removed from reality in such a short time? We secretly believe we are above such people; that there is no way any of that could happen to us.

The problem with this type of thinking is that it ignores the very possibility that we have already interacted (or currently interact) with someone who acts like a cult leader. These types of leaders simply operate on a smaller scale. Rather than convince hundreds of people to follow them, they use manipulation and brainwashing techniques to control the lives of one or two people around them. Whether it be a close friend, spouse, or family member – cult leaders exploit their narcissistic personalities to ruin and destroy the lives of those who love them. Here are 5 ways that narcissists can act like cult leaders.

1. Have a Larger-Than-Life Personality

To control those around them, narcissists must have very charismatic, interesting, and different personalities than the average Joe. They may be well-read, intelligent, and have seemingly experienced countless adventures throughout their lives. They are probably the center of attention at parties and enjoy making people laugh. People are naturally drawn to these individuals. Larger-than-life personalities tend to tell people what they want to hear rather than the truth. They know how to find what makes you tick and exploit it, so you feel empathetic towards them, or learn to trust them.

2. Us vs. Them Attitude

Very early on, a narcissist may showcase an “us vs. them” mentality. This is particularly true when it comes to outsiders that do not believe in the narcissist’s lies. Wary family members or close friends simply get in the way of the narcissist. The victim’s life goals such as going to school or getting a better job can also get in the way if those goals may deprioritize the narcissist’s needs. Black and white thinking is frequently utilized in order to put people into two camps: good or bad.

3. Devalues Your Feelings

The narcissist puts their feelings above the needs of everyone else around them. Therefore, the feelings of the victim or other people don’t really matter. If you find that you blame yourself quite frequently after fights, even when the narcissist is clearly in the wrong, you may be dealing with someone who devalues your feelings. Your needs always go second, which can make you feel anxious, depressed, worthless, and hopeless. In a healthy relationship, both partners value each other’s needs equally. A narcissist does not know how to put anyone else’s’ needs above their own.

4. Compulsive Lying

A narcissist must lie to keep up the appearance that they have everything under control. They tend to lie when confronted, or when trying to impress another person. They use lies so frequently that they may be entirely unsure of what the actual truth is. Frequent lying will confuse victims, who struggle to keep up with various stories. The victim may even end up blaming themselves for not believing the “correct” version of a story, or for thinking they were told a lie in the first place.

5. The End Goal is All That Matters

To the narcissist, it doesn’t matter what they must do in order to get what they want. They don’t have the same type of moral standards that normal people do. They will lie, cheat, and steal to get what they want. They will also justify any of this poor behavior and point to the larger goal at hand as a reason for their behavior. They can even make the victim feel like this type of bad behavior is warranted because the end goal is moral.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/narcissism-decoded/2017/03/14-ways-narcissists-can-be-like-cult-leaders

If you have a spouse, family member, friend, or boss who is narcissistic, ask yourself whether any of the following 14 characteristics of destructive cults parallel your relationship with the narcissist.

Cult leaders act larger than life. They are viewed as innately good, possessing special wisdom, answerable to no one, with no one above them.

Cult members rights are subjugated for the good of the group, leader, or cause.Members are told that what the cult wants them to do is for their own good, even if it is self-destructive.

An Us vs. Them attitude prevails.Outsiders are viewed as dangerous or enemies. This turns members focus outward, reducing the chances they will spot problems within the cult. In addition, viewing others as enemies is used to justify extreme actions because of thedangers outsiders pose.

The leader or cause becomes all-important.Members devote inordinate amounts of time to the leader and group, leaving little time for self-care or reflection.

Feelings are devalued, minimized, or manipulated. Shame, guilt, coercion, and appeals to fear keep members in line. Members are led to discount their instincts and intuition and told to seek answers from the leader or cult’s teachings. Overtime, members can lose touch with their previous habits and values.

Questioning and dissent are not tolerated.Having doubts about the leader or cult is considered shameful or sinful. Members are told that doubts or dissent indicate something wrong with the member.

The ends justify the means. The rightness of the leader and cult justifies behavior that violates most peoples standards for ethics and honesty. In the zealotry of the cult, anything goes.

Closeness to the cult and leader is rewarded while distance is punished. Temporary ostracism is used to punish behavior that doesnt conform to group rules. Members fear being estranged from the group and losing their identities and the benefits of group membership.

Cult members are on an endless treadmill of becoming. Only the cult leader is considered perfect. All other members must strive to emulate the leader. Most cults are set up so that members can never achieve this perfection, which keeps them dependent.

Lies are repeated so often they seem true.The cult leader cannot be wrong and never needs to apologize.

Cult leaders enrich themselves at members expense. Members are encouraged or coerced into gratifying the leaders needs by giving up time, money, and more.

Communication is coercive or deceptive.Things are not always what they seem. This fosters confusion, leaving members vulnerable. When confused, they seek solace from the aura of certainty the leader seems to possess.

Sameness is encouraged. Certain kinds of appearance, behavior, and cult terms and language become the norm for members. Over time, members come to identify themselves as part of an entity rather than as individuals.

Doing what the leader wants is presented as the path to enlightenment or happiness. In time, this leads members to give up their old habits and norms. They live in a bubble, filtering out information that might weaken their resolve.

If you notice similarities between such techniques and your relationship with a narcissistic person, keep in mind:

Cults and narcissists use powerful forms of manipulation but there is nothing magical about what they do. Understanding their methods can allow you to avoid being taken in.

If someone is narcissistic, be mindful of sharing personal information with that person, as it may be used against you.

In any adult relationship you have the right to confront, prevent, or remove yourself from manipulation or coercive control at any time. You do not need to give a reason and you do not need the other persons permission.

In any adult relationship you have the right to ask questions, make your own decisions and honor your own values and goals.

Nobody has the right to tell you what to think or how to feel.

We can see these things clearly occurring here, even up to the point where many of these people are well know in the fandom. (Omg! How could someone well known be so bad? Surprise, this is one way.) They may feel threatened, and want to keep their status, so these are the tactics they employ to achieve their goals.

(Which makes this funnier, because I’ve never been a fan of children. I’m fine around those who are respectful, but that’s it. Even before I knew I couldn’t have them, I never wanted them. So yep, the further away from schools, the better. I was never terribly keen on me peers even as a teen. Also, I’m EXTREMELY sex repulsed - genitalia of any human being, young or old make me cringe and want to vomit. Gotta love the rampant aphobia going on here.

In fact, when I was in me 30’s, not long before I came out as ace, I had been in dating apps. I had a lad who was into me. He was about 19-20? He seemed very nice and polite. Wasn’t bad looking. Had a cat. I didn’t hate him. The problem for me was that he was soooo young, it felt like he had a cougar kink. When I was younger and did have more attraction, it was to older men.

However, I’d watch for these folks. The vibe they r giving is from themselves, and it can’t b simply washed away in their communal shower day at the trailer park. Another thing that makes the ironic is that these people boast about how they support prostitution. Also, I’ve made several posts about how some tumblr ads are particularly disturbing, because they not only feature ONLY women being objected, but women who are sometimes creepily young.

As for being a hag, you can surely imagine the scruffy, unkept appearance of that creature. The inflated sense of self importance there is a common narcissist hallmark. It’s also rather amusing, predictable, and shows their limited intellect.

The third characteristic of the narcissist’s object relations is the defensive split within which it takes place. On the all-good side of the split, the self is perceived to be idealised (adored, special and perfect in appearance, abilities, intelligence, morality, etc.), fused with an omnipotent Other providing them with interest, priority, approval and admiration. If fusion is threatened through disagreement or imperfect affirmation (this mirroring is also called narcissistic supply), or bad aspects within themselves or the Other are encountered, the narcissist’s sense of self feels threatened against the anguish of disorientation and fragmentation. Any perception of reality that threatens their perception, or their grandiosity results in the affliction of a narcissistic injury. This threat can be simple disagreement, criticism, lack of admiration or being the subject of a joke. A relational switch takes place, and within this all-bad state, the narcissist experiences the world as hostile, aggressive and malicious, and themselves as inadequate, worthless and commonplace. Because this all-bad state is so unbearable, the narcissist typically resorts to aggression, either to destroy the devalued Other, or to destroy the worthless and frustrating self, in an attempt to restore the grandiose self and omnipotent Other. This aggressive response is referred to as narcissistic rage.

“If he is the world, there is no world outside which can frighten him; if he is everything, he is not alone; consequently, when his narcissism is wounded he feels threatened in his whole existence. When the one protection against his fright, his self-inflation, is threatened, the fright emerges and results in intense fury. This fury is all the more intense because nothing can be done to diminish the threat by appropriate action; only the destruction of the critic – or oneself – can save one from the threat to one’s narcissistic security” (Fromm, p. 78).

Fromm also identifies another important and relevant characteristic of narcissism when he states:

“The most dangerous result of narcissistic attachment is the distortion of rational judgment. The object of narcissistic attachment is thought to be valuable (good, beautiful, wise, etc.) not on the basis of an objective value judgment, but because it is me or mine. Narcissistic value judgment is prejudiced and biased. Usually, this prejudice is rationalized in one form or another, and this rationalization may be more or less deceptive according to the intelligence and sophistication of the person involved” ( p. 76).

The inherent danger of a narcissist who is also endowed with intelligence and power is their ability to abuse their authority, and manipulate facts to their own advantage. Narcissists have a peculiar difficulty with facts as objective truth, because the concept of disinterestedness feels threatening to them. Within their fused part-object relations, facts are especially vulnerable to the invasion by the narcissist’s personal agendas and prejudices. Other than those who are not as severely narcissistic, and who are better equipped at integrating disinterested facts, the narcissist tends to use dialogue, judgment and critical reasoning to their own prejudiced agendas. In response to criticism or refutation, then, the narcissist must respond defensively, as described above, which usually includes both emotional and intellectual manipulation.

In both personal and professional relationships, the narcissist engages in fact-manipulation to ensure that their perception of reality prevails. They will resort to ambiguous language, nuance manipulation, selective amnesia, emotionality, aggressive defensiveness and reinterpretation of another’s motives to skilfully establish that their perception of events is simply indisputable. A person’s response would typically be one of confusion, self-doubt and disorientation. Bait-and-switch tactics, equivocation, cherry-picking and revisionist reinterpretation of events tend to have a disorienting effect on people, especially those who sincerely trust the narcissist. This phenomenon is commonly known as gaslightingand is possibly the clearest hallmark of narcissistic relationships.

Narcissistic subtypes

In his work on the disorders of the self, James Masterson classified three types of narcissism. These are: exhibitionistic (grandiose) narcissism, closet (vulnerable) narcissism, and devaluing narcissism. With all three types of narcissism, the person engages in fusion relations, resort to splitting defences, and defend against narcissistic wounding. The difference in types of narcissism is seen in the dominant defences employed, especially during narcissistic wounding.

The exhibitionistic narcissist is the subtype usually thought of when narcissism is discussed in popular media. The exhibitionistic narcissist feels special and superior (self-idealisation) over others and demands admiration for their superiority. Due to their sense of self-importance, they feel entitled to narcissistic supply through mirroring-responses by the Other (fused or one-minded relations). They can be charming and funny (to obtain admiration), but also manipulative and dishonest (because they deem themselves superior to rules), defiant towards authority and intolerant of disagreement and criticism. They often strive for fame, power and wealth. Failure to adequately mirror the exhibitionistic narcissist’s grandiosity leads to narcissistic injury, during which they view the Other as aggressive or deliberately withholding. Within such a state of mind, the exhibitionistic narcissist would respond with rage to humiliate, attack or destroy the non-mirroring Other, in order to restore a sense of grandiosity.

The closet narcissist is in constant defence against inadequacy, self-doubt and incompetence. They assume the omnipotence of the admired Other (idealisation and identification) from whom they obtain acceptance or approval as someone who is complete and perfect. They have an impaired ability to regulate self-esteem, and uniqueness or grandiosity of the self is not assumed; it is earned through fusion with an idealised Other in whose glory they bask. The idealised Other serves as a value-endowing proxy which the closet narcissist includes within their narcissistic extension of the self. By fulfilling the desires of the idealised Other dutifully and perfectly, the closet narcissist is endowed with a sense of adequacy, moral purity and accomplishment. If, however, the Other refuses or fails to supply such satisfaction, the closet narcissist will temporarily respond with self-righteous anger or withdrawal. In time, however, they restore fusion through self-flagellation, self-chastisement and recommitment to pleasing the Other. It would therefore be common to see self-denying conscientiousness, romanticised self-deprecation, self-inhibition and perfect obedience in their attempts to earn approval from the idealised Other, which, in turn makes them feel complete and powerful.

The most challenging and pathological type of narcissist is the devaluing narcissist. As the name suggests, these individuals are in a constant state of hostile self-protection and protective devaluation, dreading the state of fusion they find themselves in. These individuals tend to be insatiably demanding, resentful, cynical and ungrateful. Due to the hostile and aversive nature of their relationships with others, their relational history consists of short-lived and combative relationships, or longer-term relationships with individuals who would masochistically endure the acerbic orientation the devaluing narcissist assumes toward life. Because they constantly defend against attack, they resort to the most extreme form of Kleinian envy through verbal, and often physical aggression. While Erich Fromm did not describe the devaluing narcissist using such terminology, he did comment on a phenomenon akin to this personality type, namely malignant narcissism. And while he related this life orientation to the contemporary milieu of his time, the description reflects the devaluing and destructive characteristic of devaluing narcissism. He describes malignant narcissism as a necrophilic life position:

“Necrophilia constitutes a fundamental orientation; it is the one answer to life which is in complete opposition to life; it is the most morbid and the most dangerous among the orientations to life of which man is capable. It is the true perversion: while being alive, not life but death is loved; not growth but destruction. The necrophilous person, if he dares to be aware of what he feels, expresses the motto of his life [in attitudes, relationships and behaviour] when he says, ‘Long live death!’” (Fromm, p. 41).

Conclusion

Considering the identified defences of adherents and purveyors of the Critical Social Justice worldview, it can be concluded that narcissistic character traits are at the core of this ideology.

DiAngelo, R. (2018). White Fragility. Why it’s so hard for white people to talk about racism. Penguin Books.

Fromm, E. (1964). The Heart of Man, Its Genius for Good and Evil. Harper & Row.

Klein, M. (1957). Envy and Gratitude. Tavistock.

McWilliams, N. (2011). Psychoanalytic diagnosis: Understanding personality structure in the clinical process. (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Masterson, J.F., & Klein, R. (1995). Disorders of the Self: New Therapeutic Horizons: the Masterson Approach. Brunner/Mazel.

https://medium.com/my-unpopular-opinion/the-woke-narcissist-2d86c8e9a25e

FYI: this is a paid article.

Throughout history, extreme viewpoints on most ideological issues have occurred. These extremes often represent the most polarized or uncompromising positions on any given matter. While these extreme positions can be useful in highlighting the full spectrum of opinions, they can also be divisive and prevent constructive dialogue. In the grand scheme of things, this is unfortunately where we currently find ourselves.

Contemporary extremists suppress dissenting views, target media and academic institutions and promote cancel culture and censorship. Moreover, their emphasis on ideological purity contributes to neglecting important less polarizing issues like infrastructure, education, and healthcare. Adding fuel to the fire, this extreme posturing fuels cultural wars, where issues like race, gender, and religion are weaponized for political gain, igniting widespread societal conflict and the erosion of social cohesion.

Consequently, extremism on both sides has enabled the rise of populist leaders who capitalize on fear and division, resulting in governance that prioritizes loyalty and ideology over effective policy-making.

https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/2874692/to-understand-the-woke-you-have-to-understand-the-culture-of-narcissism/

FYI: this is also a paid article.

The nature of the Left in 2022 is rooted more in psychology than political science. Specifically, liberalism is suffering from narcissism.

To understand how, it’s essential to grasp the true meaning of narcissism. In its clinical definition, narcissism is not self-love — it’s the opposite. The narcissist isn’t full of ego. Rather, he has no real sense of self. Where the self would be is emptiness, which results in a mad effort to fill the psyche with meaning. Lacking a stable and confident sense of identity, the narcissist hunts for meaning in therapy, self-help, sex, or radical politics. None of these can give meaning to empty lives.

https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/restoring-america/fairness-justice/news-junkies-margaret-sullivans-memoir

In his seminal 1979 work The Culture of Narcissism, the brilliant social scientist Christopher Lasch argued that the human personality, its psychology itself, had changed over the course of the later 20th century.

https://nypost.com/2023/05/25/left-wing-extremism-linked-to-psychopathy-narcissism-study/

Left-wing extremism is linked to toxic, psychopathic tendencies and narcissism, according to a new study published to the peer-reviewed journal Current Psychology.

“Based on existing research, we expected individuals with higher levels of left-wing authoritarianism to also report higher levels of narcissism,” the authors wrote.

You can read more here -

https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&sca_esv=9852f52da4d4035c&hl=en-gb&biw=428&bih=745&q=woke+narcissism&source=lnms&fbs=AEQNm0DmfTgc7tU04ONiC4SZ2zg3EbKU0Gsmd2rgkfbVEgtmohrs70-DLxvepMcZE04DM3v2o7fM4U06IRs2CGXsKsK3W-wsyON-GXq9pljuL9rcO753WkITg3cpp4s3yjOevJ1RfmkAhNJNBf-wsmFZZZdSq02ldbawoHMDTeDlW2xLs9ZDWTpZrrCV5U78OwXmq3VQZPnIJxtvRWHiIKyVKRpDn-RNPJUZeMkjlpHYlvZw7ki__v8&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi9-7fJ88OKAxUJGVkFHYA2L8MQ0pQJegQIEBAB

Now this isn’t to say that being liberal is inherently a bad thing. Much to the contrary, in fact. The problem comes when you blindly believe what you are fed, and don’t actively educate and challenge yourself, as I mentioned above. The far left extremists are as bad as the far right in that they share the same mental health issues - especially narcissism. This isn’t EVERY liberal. However, the extenuating will often confuse liberal related issues for excuses to cover up their own weaknesses. It gives them something relatable to hook others in with. And as society, we need to stop feeding into that extremism - on either side. It’s not simply a tug of war between two teams of clowns in circus, it’s dangerous to those who don’t agree with their agendas. Society needs to stop enabling and praising their behaviour.

i see "men bad" jokes as very similar to suicide jokes. like making them every once in a while isn't the worst thing, but if you Keep making them constantly. it DOES shape how you start thinking and you WILL become a more unpleasant and bitter person and also make people around you uncomfortable. and sometimes you just gotta choose to not make or engage with certain jokes, even if they are amusing to you, because its just not who you wanna be

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where-does-the-heart-lie · 4 months ago

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Op Characters Body Study

Id definately do more of these but please dont suggest anymore to do cuz then my brain will shut the idea off entirely <3

Reference Image:

design comments:

Sanji: I wanted him to mainly be in the legs, while the shoulders and arms were closer together. Compact up top, Watermelon Crushers on the bottom. i vaguely designed him with the Marathon runner from the reference image in mind. I differ from the reference in that i give him upper body muscles cuz he loves his break dancing moves and you need hella muscles for that.

Zoro: Big tits & Tank Body. Cant knock this cat over.

Sabo: This man in my eyes is a Barbie Doll. Long Legs Tiny Torso. Winx Club Sailor Moon lookin mf. In part inspired by this panel of him:

Nami: My headcanon for Nami is that when we first meet her she is very skinny and malnourished, then overtime living with the strawhats she gains weight and progressively gets chubby. I just think that Sanji always cooking her such nutritious meals and tasty sweets, and not needing to fight for herself all the time, would lead to her lovely new body type. Something, something, 'to be loved is to be changed'.

Plus, her new fighting styles isnt like "im wacking you with this stick" anymore, its more "I'm moving this stick in this direction and striking you with the lighting coming from it". That still needs muscles though so i gave her some good muscles up top :3

Artist note: i spent way to long lovingly drawing her boobs.

Ace: He's the dorito man of the universe. Broad shoulders, itty bitty waist. I modeled him after the basketball player in the reference image Alton Huston. i think that he would focus his athleticism in Jumping and Throwing (literally) punches, so it leads me to think he would build the same muscles a basketball player would.

man is 60% legs. freak. anyway,

I just like the idea of a perfect body that has been twisted by its scars.

Luffy: Brick Shithouse. Healthy mix between muscle and fat. i just wanted to make him look Really Healthy.

The majority of this design is just giving these characters body fat. i dont like the way gangly abs and tits look i love a chub. PWEEESEEE ODA GIVE ME A CHUBBY WOMAN CHARACTER PWEEEEEEEEEESE IM BEGGING YOU PWEESE PWEEESESESESESESESESSSESESES

*ahem*

anyway

i had a lot of fun drawing these, i love love love drawing anatomy and this was a good learning experience on top of that. One of the ways i drag myself out of art block is i just do art studies so this is kinda that.

thank you for coming to my ted talk <3

#my art #one piece #sabo #monkey d. luffy #asl brothers #one piece fan art #portgas d. ace #sabo the revolutionary #roronoa zoro #op zoro #op sanji #sanji fanart #op nami #cat burglar nami #art study #op spoilers

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thedappleddragon · 1 year ago

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Girl help why are my sea monkies dying

They are like a week n a half old and I saw a bunch of hatchlings a few days ago but not there’s like. 3. And they are back flipping. What am I doing wrong

I followed the packet instructions obv, I leave them in front of a non drafty window for some sunshine, I occasionally turn on a heat lamp when it’s v cold, idk. I was super exited to have a pet or thing to take care of n monitor but I am afraid they won’t make it

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #just kidding I picked up the tank n saw 5 #one of ‘em is pretty big but the others are still small. not like larval small but still

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aggro-my-beloved · 15 days ago

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teen!milo had braces

teen!david wore glasses

teen!tank dealt with bad acne

and teen!asher had sex

#thank you for coming to my Ted talk #Asher was def the popular kid/class clown type #I swear this kid has never faced adversity in his LIFE #his puberty lasted a whole day #maybe less #and david was excited to go through his cause he thought it’d be the same time length #little did he know….#redacted asmr #redacted audio #redactedverse #redacted shaw pack #redacted shitpost #redacted headcanons #redacted asher #redacted david #redacted milo #redacted tank

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gordontheengineswifenirmal · 1 month ago

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Which now makes me think more - when people accuse each other being paedos or other crimes, we must thoroughly research n do our best to verify these crimes before we judge. This is NOT saying that we should simply support someone who is guilty, but we DO need to make sure they truly ARE guilty, before we go ahead and crucify them. There ARE genuine predators out there, and they absolutely DO deserve to be silenced and made an example of to avoid n learn from, but there are MANY INNOCENT people who are being UNFAIRLY targeted by those who have malicious intent.

Since some people want more critical thinking, here you go -

Some of these ‘white knights’ who harass others even do this to cover up their own guilty consciences and disturbing actions. This can, in fact, be a red flag - especially when they start to garner a cult like following. This blame shifting on an extreme scale, so that they avoid being held accountable, and can continue to get gratification for their actions.

Why do ‘white knights’ (like the ones harassing me) PURPOSELY avoid facts? They’re a form of narcissist. Using factual information would undermine their whole plan to seek attention and validation. They want to steal power away from the stronger person to make themselves APPEAR stronger. Using factual information would ruin their ability to draw in supporters, who usually take them at face value in return for their own validation (like dominoes.) in fact, they tend to make one excuse they can milk for attention from others who they know are reliable for it. If you check most of the profiles belonging to those harassing me and their supporters, there’s a common thread or two. It’s not because they genuinely care, it’s because they share a general successful agenda for attention seeking. It’s like fish who are being fed, and all gang together to share the same food.

Did you know that 5% of people in the United States have a narcissistic personality disorder? All of these people are overly focused on their self-esteem issues. In turn, narcissists form strategies that are meant to enhance their poor self-esteem.

Among those individuals are two main types of narcissism: black knight narcissism and white knight narcissism. The distinction between the two lies in whether or not the narcissist is pro-social or anti-social.

To learn more about the differences between black knight narcissists and white knight narcissists, keep reading.

Pro-Social Narcissists vs. Anti-Social Narcissists

In order to evaluate whether or not a narcissist is pro-social or anti-social, you have to ask yourself three things:

What are the narcissist’s intentions?

How do they supply their self-esteem?

What kind of impression does the narcissist want others to have of him/her?

Pro-social narcissists want to help others. They want others to see them as good.

Of course, they want credit and praise for their good deeds. But, they add a lot of value to their friendships and society as a whole.

On the other hand, anti-social narcissists take advantage of others. They exploit others’ weaknesses for their own personal gain. Overall, they want others to fear them.

At the worst, anti-social narcissists humiliate and berate others. Often, these kinds of narcissists are the toxic, malignant individuals who represent the ‘typical’ narcissist.

The History of White Knights and Black Knights

You may have heard of the story of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. These knights repeatedly swore to do good deeds for the weak and innocent. In fact, they often called themselves heroes.

In these stories, there were also knights that self-identified as powerful and destructive. They thrived on dominating over the weak and innocent.

Those knights who only worked towards their own personal gain wore all-black armor. Because of their armor, these are the Black Knights.

In contrast, the knights who are offering help are the White Knights.

This story translated into the two main types of narcissists: Black Knights and White Knights. Just like the knights in the story, these different kinds of narcissists are either for or against helping common folks.

The Black Knight Narcissist

Just like with King Arthur’s Knights, the black knight narcissist is focused on defeating everyone else for their own gain. In fact, they thrive on putting others down. It makes them feel better about themselves.

These are the anti-social narcissists. And, some people refer to black knight narcissism as selfish narcissism. (This is even though both forms of narcissism are selfish at the center.)

They don’t enjoy helping people, and they may not even believe that these people deserve help. In their minds, everyone else is lesser than they are. And, the narcissist will make sure that they know it.

Black knight narcissists are not inherently evil, although they make come off like this. They don’t offer help to individuals in society. But, there is an explanation behind their behavior.

Black knight narcissists have such low self-esteem that they feel like they need to knock everyone else down. By taking everyone else down, they are picking themselves up.

Usually, this behavior draws back to the inner child. Then, they grow into adults with narcissistic behavior.

The White Knight Narcissist

The white knight narcissist is the individual who is contributing to society. They are helping people and bettering society for their own gain. While it is for selfish reasons, their help is great for those around them.

These individuals are pro-social. And, some people refer to white knight narcissism as altruistic narcissism.

At the very heart of it, white knight narcissists are looking to make an impact on the world in return for recognition. They want others to praise them for their good deeds. In the long run, they want to be remembered for everything they did during their lifetime.

You may find these individuals volunteering at food banks, working at hospitals, or contributing to charity. They aren’t the typical picture of a narcissistic individual.

While white knight narcissists may not seem harmful, they can be harmful to themselves.

They’re contributing to society and benefiting everyone around them, but they are hurting themselves. The individual equates others’ reactions to their worth.

If someone doesn’t say thank you, the white knight narcissist notices. These interactions negatively impact them more than they should.

Similarities Between All Narcissists

Both black knight narcissists and white knight narcissists have much in common. This is even though there is a difference in how they approach their lack of self-esteem.

Here are some of the qualities that you may find in both white knight and black knight narcissists:

Narcissists revolve around their own unstable self-esteem and base their decisions on how each will affect their self-esteem

Narcissists can’t engage in whole object relations, a thought process in which people can see themselves and others together with both likable and unpleasant traits

Narcissists can’t engage in object constancy, which is the ability to maintain positive feelings for someone when you feel negative emotions at the moment

Narcissists have an obsessiveness with their status

Narcissists have a binary sense of self in which they’re perfect or worthless

Narcissists have intellectual empathy rather than emotional empathy

Narcissists believe that someone needs to take the blame when something goes wrong

Both white knight narcissists and black knight narcissists have these personality traits in common. Even though they go about their wants differently, they have the same issue: low self-esteem.

I am becoming aware of the effect a lack of trust in the media has had on people, paired with a dearth of research skills.

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gordontheengineswifenirmal · 1 month ago

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Narcissistic Paranoia In The Fandom

Each time these idiots post, it gives me more to write about. (Thanks? I guess….lol)

The funny thing is I’m here for the trains. They post the trains, but if they want to act like arseholes, great. I don’t NEED their attention. I will continue to love the trains with or without them. That won’t change. I’m happy to talk to decent folk who don’t have their head so far up their arse they can see daylight, but I don’t NEED their attention like these people do. They may have succeeded in silencing others they didn’t like (which in itself is extremely sad), but yeah…..think again.

I find it funny that these people claim I’m harassing kids. The truth is most of them r in the 29’s, and they harassed me first, then networked to create chaos.

They don’t like people who don’t fit their rules.they are ok with people ‘humanising’ engines, and are fine with fans being their age. They can’t stand older fans who drool over the engines as engines. This upsets them greatly. However, they’re fine with making their humanised characters do extremely disturbing things.

In fact, these people give me more attention the more they post, whether I want it or not. I’m no longer angry as much as I am laughing. They’re hilarious and pathetic. This is now becoming fun to witness. They r putting their immaturity on full display, and it is quite a show.

Narcissists are always afraid their supply of attention will end. In fandom terms, this means the people who blindly follow them and add to the echo chamber of agreement. Remember, they thrive as a cult like collective on those who agree with them and should then from criticism. These same suppliers feed the need for attention, like drug dealers supplying them drugs. When that starts to end, and when their supports begin to realise they’ve been used and go away, the narcissists know they will have to face reality. They fear scrutiny, they fear coming to terms with the gravity of the actions. Again, in fandom terms, this means revealing who they are, uncovering the false veil they’ve made for themselves - especially when former supporters begin to speak out again them. However, this is crucial to healing. The narcissist will continue to cycle as long as they don’t need to face their consequences.

They will also befriend and try to turn those they think support the victim against the victim. This is how their numbers grow.

Also, adding to their paranoia-

They will spread comments out across blogs. They want to remain visible, yet pretend to be afraid of being seen. It’s another ploy for attention.

https://www.tumblr.com/number1spongebobfan/

771146193351966720/my-reaction-to-an-objectophile-in-the-thomas

Lmfaooo here we go again! (Also they conveniently act as though A) I’m the only one who drools over engines n B) that none of them do it, n that they are pure as snow.

Percy’s build date is listed as anywhere from 1900 to 1935. Older than all of us. He also swears. Profusely.

Why do people do this? Read on. It’s typical blame shifting.

Ok, so as we have been discussing - note how they are paranoid and exaggerate about being on a ‘hit list’ and being ‘in danger’. They know they have done wrong, and they are trying to hide their guilt. They constantly repeat ‘I don’t know why I’m here, whilst posting it IN THE NARCISSIST’S COMMENT SECTION! THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING. The playing coy/playing innocent act is a smokescreen!

The infamous list is just a directory so other folks can see more examples of this. It’s also so I have proof of the original links to their comments and blogs. They are helping me by giving me proof to discuss!

Also, notice again, as we have been mentioning - they talk about ‘taking sides.’ In addition, see how one sided the comments section is? If the comment doesn’t feel neutral enough - if it feels enough like the victim is being defended, they won’t allow it.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/toxic-relationships/202108/the-concept-narcissistic-supply?amp

Narcissists hunger to have their needs met. If you’re in a close relationship with a narcissist, they expect you to supply them. The term “narcissisticsupply” originates in the psychoanalytic theory that concerns the essential needs of babies and toddlers to maintain their mental and emotional equilibrium. Loss of necessary supplies in childhood can lead to depression and later attempts to get them through addiction and other means.

Narcissists’ deficient self and inner resources make them dependent on other people to affirm their impaired self-esteem and fragile ego. They only validate themselves as reflected in the eyes of others. Despite their facade of confidence, boasting, and self-flattery, they crave attention, respect, and constant admiration and actually fearthat they’re undesirable.

How Narcissists Get Their Supply

Other people are used as objects in order to provide their supply. Freud identified two main paths to fulfilling narcissistic supplies: Aggression and ingratiation. Eventually, he called them sadisticand submissive. To be admired and to get their supply, narcissists employ various strategies, including impression management. They ingratiate themselves using their charm, emotional intelligence, bragging, seduction, and manipulation. Receiving attention and admiration boosts their weak self and lack of self-esteem.

They manipulate and try to control what others think in order to feel better about themselves, making narcissists dependent on recognition from others. If you refuse to provide what they want and need, they resort to their secondary means: Aggression with narcissistic abuse. They go on the offensive, attack, and belittle you. By discounting you, in their eyes, their self-image is elevated. In relationships, they can become sadistic. As their abuse escalates, their partners and coworkers become passive and submissive to avoid coming under attack and to maintain the relationship. By assuming a submissive role, you establish, an unhealthy dynamic in relationships with a narcissist.

Types of Narcissistic Supply

Because their sense of self is determined by what others think of them, narcissists use relationships for self-enhancement. Everyone must feed them. In addition, they seek validation and attention in their public and professional life. Other people are used as objects in order to provide their supply. For example, they may need constant compliments or applause, more status and money, or may check their appearance in the mirror several times a day. Some examples of narcissistic supply are:

Praise and compliments

1. Accomplishments and professional success (even if by cheating or using unethical means)

2. Financial gain by any means

3. Status symbols, such as a big home, gold toilet, expensive car, 5-Star dining and hotels

4. Acquaintances with celebrities, public figures, and other high-status people and institutions

5. Wearing designer labels and expensive accessories and jewelry

6. Winning

7. Using alcohol, drugs, or other addiction

8. Sex

9. Provoking arguments, emotional reactions, and chaos

10. Receiving awards

11. Attention in the news or social media

12. Being admired and loved by romantic partners

13. Having a mate that is desired by others, such as a trophy wife or influential or successful spouse

14. Expressions of gratitude

Types of Narcissistic Supply

Praise and compliments

1. Accomplishments and professional success (even if by cheating or using unethical means)

2. Financial gain by any means

3. Status symbols, such as a big home, gold toilet, expensive car, 5-Star dining and hotels

4. Acquaintances with celebrities, public figures, and other high-status people and institutions

5. Wearing designer labels and expensive accessories and jewelry

6. Winning

7. Using alcohol, drugs, or other addiction

8. Sex

9. Provoking arguments, emotional reactions, and chaos

10. Receiving awards

11. Attention in the news or social media

12. Being admired and loved by romantic partners

13. Having a mate that is desired by others, such as a trophy wife or influential or successful spouse

14. Expressions of gratitude

https://survivingnarcissism.tv/why-are-narcissists-so-easily-paranoid/

At the foundation of narcissism is pervasive insecurity. Now, most narcissists are too self-deluded to acknowledge their insecurity, nonetheless, there it is. Narcissists are known for being selfish, controlling, falsely superior, disinterested in understanding others, entitled, and manipulative. But as you gain insight into this pattern, you will observe that beneath it all, narcissists are driven by fear.

Narcissists fear being rejected. They fear being deemed inadequate, insignificant, or irrelevant. Narcissists fear being mocked, ridiculed, and invalidated. They fear appearing stupid or uninformed. On the outside, they desperately want to be known as A Force To Be Reckoned With, but make no mistake, they are in an ongoing mode of compensating for their fears.

The two easiest ways of detecting narcissists’ fear is their quick defensiveness and their out-of-proportion anger. They dread having to admit faults or frailties, and if confronted, they cannot have honest, adult conversations. Instead, they try to crush you. Again, that is them compensating for their insecurities.

It can be normal for each of us to have moments when we wonder who can be trusted or how much self-disclosure we should use. This is, after all, an imperfect world, and there are moments when healthy fear is necessary. But as you peer deeply into the souls of narcissists, it is clear that their fears are not healthy, but they typically rise to the level of paranoia.

To get an idea of how narcissists are paranoid, notice multiple tendencies:

* They are chronic keepers of secrets. They don’t want you to know who they really are.

* Narcissists have an exaggerated need to determine: “Are you for me or against me? Will you esteem me or reject me?”

* They find it difficult, to the point of impossibility, to rationally discuss their hurts, mistakes, or miscalculations.

* Instead, narcissists respond to conflicts as The Victim. A go-to strategy they use is blame-shifting.

* They are very reluctant to say words like: “I blew it,” or “I need help.”

* Your simple differences become a referendum about them. They easily presume you wish to harm them if you just have a separate preference or interpretation or emotional reaction.

Very early in life, narcissists concluded that openness and honesty will get you into trouble. Most were exposed to relationships that emphasized power, authority, and correctness, meaning there was little allowance for uniqueness or vulnerability. Being exposed to messages of judgment and shame, they became convinced that cover-up was safer than self-disclosure. Buying into the notion that power is the ultimate sign of significance, they vowed to themselves (sometime consciously and other times subconsciously) that they could never allow others to know their weaknesses. Hiding behind the veneer of a False Self became far more important than authenticity.

The net results of their self-protective paranoia are quite varied. For instance:

* They have an excessive need for you to agree.

* Narcissists expend little to no energy knowing your hurts, needs, or desires.

* They struggle with envy when they see others doing well. Somehow your good fortune is interpreted as an unfair advantage over them.

* They hunger for compliments and validation.

* When angry, they find it almost impossible to break down problems or conflicts constructively.

* Their need for control is pervasive as they insist that others should be subordinate.

* They put great effort into building their personal brand. Image is all important.

* Being the victim, they hold onto grudges for a long time. Forgiveness is not at all common.

* They act as a know-it-all, meaning they are unable to learn. Admitting they do not know it all is tied to shame, something they struggle with greatly.

* Tenderness and gentleness feel awkward due to the vulnerability it represents, so instead they prefer to be feared.

As you might imagine, one of the byproducts of a narcissist’s paranoia is the inability to self-reflect. That would require them to examine both their pluses and minuses, but their insecurity won’t allow that.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malignant_narcissism

Malignant narcissism is a psychological syndrome comprising a mix of narcissism, antisocial behavior, sadism, and a paranoid outlook on life.Malignant narcissism is not a diagnostic category defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR). Rather, it is a subcategory of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)which could also include traits of antisocial personality disorder or paranoid personality disorder.

Malignant narcissists are grandiose and always ready to raise hostility levels, which undermines the families and organizations in which they are involved, and dehumanizes the people with whom they associate.

https://www.mindsettherapyonline.com/blog/why-are-narcissists-paranoid

Today I want to discuss paranoia and the narcissist. When I refer to paranoia, I will discuss paranoia in the context of high anxiety and not the more pathological psychotic process. You can read my blog “Why do I feel paranoid?” for more information on the distinction between these two concepts.

As a summary, however, one way to differentiate between paranoia seen with anxiety and paranoia of a psychotic disorder, is to determine whether the person can consider the possibility the thoughts are not true. Let’s take the example of someone who thinks they are being followed. If the person has paranoid ideas that are a component of anxiety, then they will be able to consider evidence that it is not possible. You can show them no one else has been in that area for weeks so it wouldn’t be possible for them to be followed or show them a video that shows no one is following them and they will believe this. They can consider the evidence and change their mind on whether something has happened. When someone has paranoia that is a delusion and part of psychosis, they will be unable to consider it as untrue despite ample evidence suggesting the contrary.

To understand why narcissists are paranoid, you must remember the narcissist is always on the defensive. They have fragile senses of self that they must always protect against. They present as confident and competent, but this is an act they put on to prevent exposure for who they really are. The narcissist sees danger in everything and everyone because each new experience or person they encounter has the potential to find out who they really are.

For this reason, the narcissist must be paranoid. Everything and everybody has the potential to do them harm. It doesn’t matter who the person is and whether they have done harm to the narcissist in the past. None of that matters. The only thing that matters is the narcissist’s belief that their true selves could be found out.

The narcissist’s fragile sense of self makes any negative encounter seem to be a perceived slight against them. They believe everyone is out to get them and this maintains and worsens their paranoia. The narcissist is suspicious of everyone. They never know what someone’s true intention is, and this place of uncertainty and ambiguity is not a place a narcissist likes to be. This is also where a need for control comes from. The narcissist must protect themselves at all costs and will control whatever they can to maintain a feeling of control in their own lives.

If someone else tries to take control in the relationship, this makes the narcissist feel more paranoid because they think they are losing control. And when I refer to the other person taking control, this can be anything, including their partner making choices on what they have for dinner. It doesn’t matter what the situation is. If the narcissist feels like they are not making all decisions, they feel out of control, and this triggers their paranoia.

When the narcissist is paranoid, they can become unpredictable because they are only focused on themselves and no one else. The only person that matters is them and they have blinders on to anything else happening around them. This unpredictability is when the narcissist might move into narcissistic rage, or another narcissist punishment tactic, to regain control in their lives. The paranoid narcissist is dangerous because they will not hold back in their brutal words and actions. They move into the defensive and their focus is on protecting themselves, no matter how it affects anyone else. If you try to figure out the narcissist’s next move, this is largely why you will be unsuccessful – the narcissist is reactive and much of their actions don’t make sense to them, much less anyone else.

To a narcissist, like a drug addict, it’s survival. They crave recognition and have an insatiable need to be admired. Psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut observed that his narcissistic clients suffered from profound alienation, emptiness, powerlessness, and lack of meaning. Beneath the surface, they lacked sufficient internal structures to maintain cohesiveness, stability, and a positive self-image to support a stable identity.

Narcissists’ early losses, emptiness, and needs are so great and painful that when not fulfilled, they mentally disintegrate. Thus their need for their supply is never-ending. They require continuous reassurance from those around them, but, like a parasite, no matter how much you give, it’s never enough to fill their emptiness and satisfy their hunger. Their need is constant and relentless. Like vampires who are dead inside, narcissists exploit and drain those around them. Once their charm wears thin, notice if you feel drained around a narcissist.

If you continue to sacrifice yourself for them, you, too, will feel empty and dead. You may start to experience what it was like for them to have an invasive, cold, or unavailable narcissistic parent. Anne Rice’s vampire Lestat in The Vampire Trilogy had such an emotionally empty mother, who devotedly bonded with him and used him to survive.

Trying to please them feels thankless, like trying to fill a bottomless pit. The hole is their inner emptiness, of which they’re unaware, but expect others to fill. Of course, it’s impossible. Instead, focus on meeting your own needs and healing your own emptiness.

https://www.verywellmind.com/narcissistic-supply-7852699

“Narcissist” is a term that can be thrown around loosely to describe people with certain behaviors. But only 5 in 100 people have actually been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.1 Narcissists have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, think of themselves as superior to others, and strongly desire to be adored and admired.1 They feed these feelings through a practice called narcissistic supply.

“Narcissistic supply is the ‘drug’ that the narcissist is addicted to in order to feed their false self (their mask) and avoid their true self and the shame that comes along with that," explains Avigail Lev, PsyD, founder and director of Bay Area CBT Center. "Narcissism is a shame disorder, and narcissistic supply is what a narcissist gets from other people to mirror, validate their mask, and avoid the deep-rooted shame underneath their grandiosity.”

Narcissistic supply seems to embolden the narcissist, while being detrimental to their supplier.

Narcissists use narcissistic supply to feel the “affirmation, applause, and adulation of others.”2

They need to feel in control and seek someone who, through their interactions with the narcissist, will help the narcissist feel the power that they crave. Narcissists are fueled by how their supplier responds, whether purposefully or not.

Experts say narcissists thrive on that predictable response. The reaction creates the drive for the narcissist to continue their behavior. If there is no one to react, then a narcissist has no one to exert control over and no one to help inflate their self-image.

Narcissists often also have a fear of being unwanted and unloved. Manipulating others to give them the acceptance they crave is a part of the narcissistic supply relationship.

Realistic examples help paint the picture of what this type of relationship looks like:

* A person insults their significant other to feel better about themselves. “A narcissist puts down their partner in order to lower their self-esteem, making the partner more dependent on the narcissist,” says Alana Carvalho, LMHC.

* A parent continues to pay for things for an adult child to be able to manipulate them. “A narcissistic parent may provide financial support [with conditions] in order to maintain control over their child’s decision-making,” Carvalho notes. Narcissistic supply can also be present in parent/child relationships in other ways. “A narcissist may utilize their child as supply and seek the child’s compliance to help them feel in power such as criticizing or punishing them when they make a decision that goes against their authority,” she adds.

* A person will befriend someone needy so that the narcissist can be seen as a hero. “This sometimes means finding a narcissistic supply that is vulnerable, fragile, sick, mentally ill, impoverished, or dependent, in order to create a relationship with power imbalance and the continual expression of gratitude and appreciation,” Dr. Lev states.

While friends and associates can be suppliers, the main supplier is often someone close to the narcissist, like a partner or family member.

In terms of online relationships, especially when actual relatives are less likely to be available (although may still be recruited, especially if they are also in the fandom) online associations take over this role. They become toxic family dynamic, like the Manson family.

Narcissistic supply relationships are unhealthy. Because the narcissist’s goal is to build themselves up at the supplier’s expense, their behavior leaves the supplier feeling vulnerable and with low self-esteem. The supplier can struggle with depression or anxiety, and even post-traumatic stress disorder. The feelings a supplier experiences take a physical, emotional, and mental toll.

Narcissists, in turn, feel like they are in a favorable position. They feel empowered, valued, and worthy of esteem. They enjoy the feelings of power and inflated ego. If you’re concerned that your relationship, whether It’s with your partner, co-worker, or parent, may exhibit narcissistic supply, there are signs you can look for.

“You know that you are a narcissistic supply if you're being love-bombed, idealized, and mirrored, and you feel like the best thing in the whole world. Conversely, you feel like a worthless, insignificant piece of garbage when you're being devalued. If you're feeling either one of these extremes, you're most likely the narcissist's supply,” Dr. Lev explains.

When you are the supplier in a narcissistic supply relationship, building yourself up to combat the negative messages from the narcissist is key. Again, this lessens your dependency on the narcissist.

In the case of online relationships, this means separating yourself from the narcissist. Gather facts about the narcissist’s behaviour. Convene with others to expose the narcissist instead of their target. The narcissist will hate this and lash out, but this is necessary for everyone’s healing. The narcissist might publicly call out those who they deem as defending their target, trying to make them look bad for doing so. This is a common tactic. They want to intimidate anyone who might engage in the same behaviour, in order to not only keep the victim silenced, but also to keep the status quo. This is why they will not allow differences of opinion. Any differences of opinion are automatically taken as offense.

This is why the narcissist lashes out at their victim- they are losing precious control, and thus losing their perceived friend circle. In reality, these are just the supply they’ve brainwashed into controlling. They are much like a cartoon villain. Cartoon villains are essentially a metaphor for this premise.

https://psychcentral.com/health/what-is-narcissistic-supply

Narcissistic supply is the driving force behind many narcissistic behaviors. Recognizing the signs and patterns can help you set boundaries, get support, and care for your well-being.

If you know someone with narcissistic personality traits or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), you may be familiar with some of the ways they attempt to maintain a sense of superiority. It may be through:

* a constant need for validation

* lack of empathy

* manipulation

* other controlling behaviors

At the heart of narcissistic behavior is narcissistic supply, a term that refers to the emotional sustenance narcissists seek to maintain their self-esteem and self-worth.

Narcissists are often skilled at finding sources for their supply, according to Dan Auerbach, a clinical psychotherapist and relationship counselor in Sydney, Australia.

“They are often adept at identifying vulnerable individuals who are more likely to provide the emotional sustenance they seek,” he says.

Narcissists employ various tactics to obtain the supply they desire, says Dr. Ryan Sultan, teaching psychiatrist at Columbia University in New York.

“Some narcissists resort to aggressive behaviors, while others use charm and charisma to elicit admiration,” he notes. “The specific methods used can vary widely among individuals with narcissistic traits.”

Other common tactics include:

* manipulation

* emotional coercion

* feigned affection

* control or dominance over others

* intimidation

* negative attention

* excessive admiration

* notoriety

Narcissistic supply examples

Some potential examples of narcissistic supply in action might include:

* engaging in excessive self-promotion, seeking validation through compliments or social media likes

* always steering conversations back to your achievements

* creating drama in relationships to elicit emotional reactions, reinforcing your sense of importance

* belittling a subordinate in a group setting, only to elevate your own stature

Signs you may be the source of narcissistic supply

Narcissists often thrive on any form of attention, whether positive or negative, that reaffirms their sense of self-importance, according to Sultan.

There are some telltale signs you may be the source of narcissistic supply for someone in your life. The person with narcissist traits may:

* seek constant praise and admiration

* exploit you emotionally or financially

* expect special treatment

* dominate conversations

* seek to be the center of attention

* react strongly to perceived slights or criticism

The narcissistic supply cycle

Some mental health professionals think of narcissistic supply in terms of a cycle with three phases:

1. Idealization: The narcissist views their source of supply as “perfect,” showering them with attention and praise.

2. Devaluation: Over time, the narcissist begins to devalue their source, becoming critical, manipulative, or emotionally abusive.

3. Discard: Once the narcissist has received significant validation, or can no longer get their needs met, they may discard their source of supply and seek a new source.

It can be a never-ending cycle of never enough. Sultan adds that in some cases, a narcissist may return to their initial source in what’s known as “hoovering.”

“If they later feel a shortage of admiration, they might return, attempting to draw the individual back into their sphere,” he explains.

How to break the narcissistic supply cycle

Breaking free from the narcissistic supply cycle is a complex process that requires awareness, determination, and often external support, according to Sultan. He and Auerbach offer some tips that can help:

* Create firm boundaries: Being consistent is key to maintaining your boundaries.

* Seek professional help: This may be in the form of intervention with couples therapy, or individual therapy to help you cope with your situation and difficult emotions.

* Disengage: Withdrawing from the narcissistic supply can lead to what’s known as “narcissistic injury,” where the narcissist may react with heightened aggression or manipulation, warns Auerbach.

Auerbach adds that it’s crucial to prioritize one’s emotional well-being, even if that means distancing oneself from a narcissistic person.

#thomas and friends #thomas the tank engine #ttte #trains #steam engine #steam locomotive #train #fucking idiots #stupid idiot #narcissistic traits #narcissism #actually narcissistic #narcissistic abuse #Nirmal's TED Talks LOL

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pboogerswbb · 2 months ago

Text

TOO LOST IN YOU - part VI

Paige Bueckers x bartender!oc

Warnings: toxic!p, language, SMUT!

Wordcount: 7.3k (oops)

A/N: PALERIE IS BACK - i know you guys have been waiting to find out what happens after part 5, well guess what - you're gonna have to wait till part 7 :) i wanted to have you on the edge of your seats a lil longer, so this part will be a flashback to how paige and valerie met and how all that unfolded! don't hate me too much lmao. anyway again, you guys have shown so much love and appreciation and i'm so incredibly grateful!! ily all please enjoy and send me live reactions and feedback!!! i'm begging (@paigesbabygirl your wait is over)

September 2024

“Valerie, can you bring more tall glasses we’re about to run out!”

“Uh ok,” I yell over the crowd, wiping the sweat and the hairs sticking to my forehead with the back of my hand as I hurry to the back. Dread takes over me when the rack is empty, not a single glass in sight. We never should’ve hired that freshman Johnny to clean tables. I groan running back to the front, the bar lining up with rows of customers for what felt like hours now. It felt like all of Storrs had made their way to Ted’s tonight.

I was warned about the last weekend before classes start, that all the students pack into Ted’s and get shitfaced. Somehow it was still just me, Natalie and Thomas working - and this new guy called Johnny who I had a feeling was about to be fired. How were we out of glasses?

“No glasses, use pints!” I shout, the chatter of the students overwhelmingly loud.

“What?” Natalie yells and I just point to the pints towering next to her, knowing it was no use to talk in all this noise.

Natalie looks at me, her wide eyes showing slight panic, her hands mixing drinks expertly. She evidently had some years on me when it came to bartending. “Where the fuck is Johnny?”

“Not doing his job I guess,” I groan, carrying a rack of pints over to the bar. “I’ll go clean tables then, get us some more glasses.”

The red haired girl waves me off as I rush into the crowd, squeezing through and grabbing every empty glass in sight, adding them one by one to the tower I was balancing against my side, bringing them to the back to be washed. Once I return into the crowd of swarming students, I’m crushed between two groups of guys, elbowing their sides to make my way through. I could feel the sweat dripping down my back, the air felt heavy and humid, early September still as hot as July had been.

“Ah fuck!”

Suddenly I feel a splash of something seep into my tank top, the white thin fabric turning red and seethrough.

“What the fuck!” I yell looking down, the shirt sticking to my skin as more people pushed into my back, nearly making me stumble.

“Shit bro I’m so sorry,” A hoarse voice mumbles and I lift my eyes upwards to the tall blonde girl standing in front of me, a sheepish smile on her face as she scratches the back of her neck. “Someone pushed me.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I snap, too overwhelmed and overworked to deal with this right now. Someone behind me trips, forcing me to stumble forward, the girl catching me and steadying me. “Whoa there,” she says.

“You good?” The blonde asks and I roll my eyes, what a stupid question to ask.

“You just spilled a drink on me, what do you think?”

“I’m so sorry, deadass. Lemme buy you a drink please.”

“I work here, I’m working.”

“Oh, shit.”

I look down at my top, completely ruined and unwearable - if not for the red stain then for the fact that the fabric had turned completely transparent, my lavender bra completely visible.

The blonde girl in front of me blushes, eyeing the way my nipples poked through the drenched top now. Noticing me watching her, she quickly looks up to the low ceiling of the bar, pretending she wasn’t ogling over my chest.

“You can totally see through it right?” I ask frustrated and the blonde only nods, clearly trying not to grin which only annoys me more.

“I’m so sorry, hold up.”

She seems apologetic as she covers my front from the view of other people, big hands confidently guiding me into the much quieter hallway where only a few people were lining up for the bathrooms. It’s only then I look up and really study the face of the tall girl in front of me, quickly realising who it was that spilled her Shirley all over my white top.

Paige Bueckers is only hotter in person, her jaw that much more refined, long neck and broad shoulders and the way she towered over you making her seem bigger than she was. Her blue eyes are flickering everywhere but my chest as she drags me into the desolate end of the hallway. I’m sure I would’ve felt starstruck if the situation had been different, but the stress from work and the fabric smelling like grenadine and sticking to my body was only irritating me further, the blonde in front of me to blame.

Suddenly Paige starts pulling the back of her white hoodie to undress, the white t-shirt underneath rising enough to reveal the tan skin on her abdomen, her shorts low waisted enough to show the tiniest bit of a tan line.

“What are you doing?” I ask confused as Paige pulls the hoodie over her head, fixing the shirt underneath it, silver chains dangling from her neck.

She hands the white hoodie at me, her blue eyes studying me. “What’s it look like, take it.”

I glance at the hoodie scrunched in her hands, being offered to me. The back of the hoodie is decorated with a large number 5, Paige’s last name written in big bold letters above it.

Publicly Paige might have been loved, considered kind and grounded, but on campus people knew more. Sure, the girl was adored. But it hadn��t taken longer than staying at Storrs for a few days for the rumours to reach me, about her endless roster of girls who she never let sleep over, who she seduced into bed and then never called or texted. It had become a joke amongst the students that everyone knew - when you saw a girl wearing a shirt with Paige’s name on it, she was either fucked by her or wanted others to think so.

I shake my head at the hoodie, not wanting to be marked as one of them. I didn’t wanna be part of some sick fantasy Paige had about claiming girls.

“Nah I ain’t wearing that,” I chuckle bitterly, pushing the hoodie back, a jolt going through my body when my fingertips brush hers.

Confused, Paige’s brows furrow as she grabs the hoodie back. “Please, I really don’t mind. I feel really bad, just take it. You don’t even have to give it back.”

I scoff, crossing my arms over my chest. “I’m not playing into some weird little fantasy and wearing a hoodie with your name and number on it.” Paige is quickly taken aback, brows only furrowing further.

“You.. I… Huh?!” She asks bewildered.

“Please, everyone knows what those hoodies and shirts mean.”

“I got no clue what you’re talking about,” Paige chuckles, finding amusement in my defiance. “But I know you ain’t gonna work in that top for the rest of the night.”

She’s right. Why do I hate that she’s right? Thankfully the solution is right under my nose.

“I’ll take the t-shirt,” I say, my tone assertive. With a snort Paige’s brows rise as high as they can - I can’t tell whether she’s amused or shocked at my audacity. Perhaps a little bit of both.

With a chuckle she holds the hoodie over her forearm, piercing blue eyes landing on me. “Yo I don’t remember offering it.” There’s a spark in her eye, something that makes me bolder and certain that she’s enjoying this. So I play along.

“You don’t have to, I know you’ll give it to me.”

We stare at each other, both of us waiting for each other to fold. Finally Paige opens the bathroom door next to her, nodding her head for me to get in. She follows behind me, closing the door and locking us into the tight space. My back presses against the wall as she turns to me - I'll never forget the look she had on her face, the way her eyelids grow heavy and head tilts the tiniest bit upwards, making her neck that much longer. It’s in that moment, in the bright, fluorescent lights of the bathroom that I realise how blue her eyes are, how intense her gaze was.

An involuntary blush grows on my cheeks, for a moment forgetting why we were here in the first place. Paige had seemed to forget as well, her tongue darting over her lips to wet them, the tight and enclosed space forcing us both to notice a tension. I clear my throat, my eyes snapping to the ground.

“Sooo the shirt?”

“Oh right,” Paige murmurs, finally breaking the intense stare.

I watch the way her hand grabs the back of her shirt, pulling it over her head. I feel something stir in my stomach when I notice the rings decorating her long fingers, the muscles in her shoulders flexing as her arms lifted. She’s wearing a grey sports bra underneath, and I’m surprised by how broad she looks shirtless like this, how refined but somehow soft her stomach looked.

When I realise that I’m staring it’s already too late, Paige is grinning down at me and momentarily it makes my legs feel weak. Okay, I see what the fuss is about now.

“You good?” Paige smirks handing me her shirt and my eyes quickly flicker to the ceiling, back turning to her as I start pulling the damp top over my head. I can feel the blue eyes drilling into my skin, making me feel hot all over. Quickly I put on the white tee over my head, a whiff of deodorant and cologne making my head spin as I fix the much too large shirt. I tuck part of it into my bra, turning around and seeing the blonde pulling her hoodie back on, feeling a pang of disappointment when she hides the broad shoulders and the abs I had taken a liking to.

“Oh I’m Paige by the way,” she murmurs, pulling her head through the hoodie, hands sleeking her long hair back.

I snort, raising my brows. “Very humble of you to assume I don’t know who you are.”

Sheepishly the blonde scratches the back of her head, shrugging. “Nah, I knew,” she smiles. “I just wanted to find out your name ma.”

The nickname brings an immediate heat to my core but I do my best to keep my cool. I doubt the blonde needed any ego boosts from me.

Trying to remain chill, I casually chuckle. “I’m Valerie.”

“Valerie,” Paige repeats. I never loved my name but hearing her say it was making me seriously reconsider. “I’ve seen you around campus, you know.”

“Oh?”

Valerie. The name feels smooth slipping from my lips, I wanted to say it again and again. It hadn’t been my intention to spill my Shirley all over her, but I’d be lying if I wasn’t happy about the situation it had got me in.

I must admit I had seen the brunette before, in fact I remember the very first time I saw her. It was her voice that drew me in, impossible to miss as I was walking back to the dorms with KK, Ice and Azzi.

“HOW did you not know you need to add water to boil pasta?? What did you think boiling is?!”

There was something about the lilt in her voice, the way it echoed around campus, and the pure astonishment in her voice that got me to laugh before I had ever even met, yet alone seen her. I couldn’t help but turn my head, only to find that the owner of that beautiful voice was fittingly the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.

It was her hair that caught my eye first, it wasn’t just brown but the tones of gold made it sparkle in the late August sun, her golden jewellery only adding to the twinkle. Her eyes were big, getting even wider the more shocked her voice got on the phone. The gloss on her lips and the way her shirt showed just a little bit of cleavage caused very inappropriate thoughts one should not be having about a person they didn’t know at all.

Her legs were shorter yet somehow she took such hurried steps she passed me and the girls without a single look in my direction despite my obvious ogling. It was that moment I knew I had to have her.

So it must have been God’s plan all along for me to spill that Shirley all over her shirt. Because now I had her in a bathroom, pulling her shirt off, unable to look away from her lacy lavender bralette, trying to get the way her nipples peeked through her soaked top out of my head. To my pleasant surprise, I catch her dark eyes leering at me before I pull the hoodie back on.

“You could’ve just come talk to me, there was no need to spill that drink on me,” Valerie chuckles, the annoyance in her tone making a heat pool between my legs. I should probably bring that up with a therapist.

Lifting my hands up in defiance I scoff. “Ma I swear it was an accident.”

“Sure.”

As she looks up at me I suddenly felt a desperate need for her approval, for her praise. Usually girls were quick to fold once I turned the rizz on. Valerie didn’t seem even a little bit affected - somehow it irked me and turned me on more simultaneously. For a moment I consider just pulling out the old trusty rizz hands but before I can process Valerie’s hand is on the door handle, stepping past me into the hallway, a whiff of coconut making my heart beat faster. I was usually smoother than this.

“Well thanks for the shirt Paige Bueckers,” Valerie smiles and walks out before I can say a word, leaving me speechless in the bathroom.

“Did you see the way he looked at me tho? Geno’s gon’ bench me for the whole season forreal.”

KK’s voice is faint in my ears as we sit at our usual table, leaning back on my chair to get a better view of her. Valerie’s pouring drinks to a couple guys, her nose scrunching a little as she giggles. Even in the dingy bar everything about her lit the place up.

I had come here three nights in a row now, sipping my Shirleys and trying to find courage to approach her with more than “A dirty Shirley thanks.” Normally approaching a girl and getting them naked into my bed was easy, nearly boring at this point - the five girls blowing up my phone on the daily proof of that. But something about Valerie was different, challenging. While it was intriguing it was also scary.

“Earth to P boogers?” KK pokes my side, snapping me out of my thoughts. I turn my head to her, raising my brows expectantly.

With a roll of her eyes, KK nods towards the bar where Valerie was alone now, humming to herself and playing with the ends of her hair. “Go talk to her.”

“Nah.”

“Bro.”

“What would I even say?”

“Rizz her up girl! Isn’t that your whole thing?”

I throw my head back and groan dramatically, throwing my arm over my eyes. She’s just a girl, if she didn’t want me the campus was full of other girls dying to fuck me. Why was I tripping over a girl like this - mind you, a girl I barely knew.

In truth I hadn’t stopped replaying every moment of that night I spilled my drink on her over and over. Thinking about the way Valerie’s top clung to her skin, the way her tits looked in that bra had made me drag my hand down my stomach, between my legs. But it was the memory of the way she stared me down that had brought me over the edge.

“Bro, you can’t come back tomorrow without talking to her, that shit is called stalking.”

KK was right. A fourth night in a row of just ogling over her would be nothing short of creepy. Finishing my drink, I finally get up and walk to the bar, butterflies growing with each step I take. Shit, shit, shit, shit.

“Hey,” Valerie says, her eyes twinkling as she looks at me and I immediately wanna go back to the table and just forget about all of this. How was I supposed to form comprehensible sentences when she looked at me like that? When her hair was pulled up messily in a clip, loose curls framing her face, white t-shirt hugging her curves.

Before I have the chance to respond the brunette is already opening her mouth, a tiny grin on her face. “This is your third night in a row here.”

She’s noticed - no, she’s kept count. My confidence soars quickly as I look at the ground, my mouth twisting into a smile. “Oh you been counting huh?”

“Nah was just wondering if the student athlete was turning into an alcoholic,” Valerie rolls her eyes, leaning forward on her elbows against the bar, her breasts perking menacingly between her arms. I only let myself look for a second before using all my constraint to move my gaze elsewhere.

“Oh you worry about me?” My tongue slides over my lower lip, watching as she rolls her eyes once more. God I could get used to that sight. Her eyes rolling back because of me in a multitude of ways.

“Unfortunately it’s part of my job description.”

“To take care of me?”

Another eyeroll. “To not serve alcoholics.”

I chuckle softly, mirroring the brunette by leaning forward against my elbows. The faint scent of coconut makes its way into my nostrils again. “Damn, that’s a shame. They gon’ miss out on those Shirleys you make.”

Even in the dim lighting of the bar I can recognise the hint of a blush that rises to Valerie’s cheeks, her eyelids fluttering as she quickly looks away from me. The moment of silence is causing a stir in my abdomen, electricity palpable just for a moment. I got her, she’d be in my bed in no time. Maybe by tonight.

“Your shirt’s still in my dorm,” she says nonchalantly, breaking the tension of the moment by pushing herself off the bar and beginning to clear the glasses on the bar. I watch amused.

“You wanna keep it?” I grin, letting my eyes land on the curve of her ass as she bends over to pick up a beer cap off the floor. Goddamn, I better have that in my bed tonight. Rubbing my jaw I swiftly bring my eyes to look at the walls of the bar as the girl turns around, even more curls falling out of her clip now.

Valerie scoffs loudly like it’s the most ridiculous thing she’s ever heard. “No.”

I kiss my teeth and raise my brows. “I could also come pick it up,” I grin, my blue eyes staring into the girl. “You know, after your shift ma?”

The look on Valerie’s face is priceless, a mixture of surprise and something I can’t quite recognise. Yeah I got her, she’d be between my legs in no time - those big brown eyes staring back at me as I pull on her hair, her perfect ass in the air.

To my bemusement, instead of blushing or getting flustered Valerie’s hand flies to her mouth as she bursts into a bright laugh, her eyes squeezing shut as she does. The grin on my face quickly wipes off as I shift on my feet, my arms crossing over my chest. Seems like I might have to wait a little longer than I’d like to for this one.

Taking a deep breath to calm herself, Valerie shakes her head. “If it’s one thing you got Bueckers, it's audacity.”

Her indifference to my flirting irks me. At this point I usually gave up, looked for another girl - not that I had to nearly ever. I don’t think I’d worked this hard for a girl since coming to Uconn. But there was something about the brunette in front of me, something I couldn’t quite place, that made it impossible just to give up. Maybe it was time to move on to a more challenging territory. The pussy would be worth it, I knew it.

“You want a drink?” Valerie asks, finally recovered from her laughing fit. Without even thinking I shrug.

“Shirley.”

“Which way?”

A small smirk tugs at the corner of my mouth as I wiggle my brows. “Dirty.”

With another eyeroll the brunette gets to work. Part of me wanted to keep saying stupid things just so she’d roll her eyes at me one more time.

I watch her work for a moment, noticing the golden bracelet with a small charm dangling on it decorating her wrist as I thought of any other way to get her naked as soon as possible.

“You ever been to a game?” I ask, convincing myself that seeing me on the court would have the effect it usually had on girls.

“No, this is my first year here so,” she mumbles absentmindedly, mixing the bright red drink for me.

“You should come watch me sometime.”

A smile. Valerie’s mouth turns into a smile. I’ll take that as a win. Feeling the tiniest bit proud I smile too.

“Yeah? You any good?” The brunette asks seriously, but there’s a hint of something in her voice that tells me she’s teasing me. Just that is enough to get me going. I rarely found the chase to be this fun, but with her? I was fucked.

I shrug and bring my arm up, flexing the bicep that had grown exponentially over the summer. “Best player in the country, they say,” I grin.

Her eyes land on my flexed arm, softening for a moment before she returns to stirring the drink. “Now who’s they?”

“Just come see for yourself ma.”

As she places the drink on the bar I reach for my wallet, pulling out 30 bucks and leaving it on the counter.

“Hold on Bueckers, your change,” Valerie stops me as I’m about to head back but I shake my head at her, walking backwards.

“Keep it. Come see me play sometime.”

“Pick up… pick up… pick up…” I mumble under my breath, phone against my ear as the steady slow beeps keep taunting me, reminding me no one had answered to any of the tens of calls I had made. Groaning, I put the phone on the table, looking through the back door of Ted’s, over the liquor shipment sitting in the bright evening sun. It wasn’t meant to come till tomorrow, when the boys could carry all of it inside. Now it was just me, my pathetically small muscles and boxes full of liquor bottles and beers.

“Fuck,” I groan when the phone finally rings. Picking it up urgently, Natalie’s voice comes through.

“Riri you called me like five times, are you good?”

“The shipment came early,” I panic into the speaker.

“What?!”

“Mhm.”

“Have you tried-”

“Tried calling literally everyone. No one’s picking up,” sighing I push my hair back from my face, trying not to panic. “What do I do?”

“I’m out of town too,” Natalie murmurs as I’m leaning against the doorframe, digging my brain for any solution. A moment of silence falls between me and Natalie when I finally got it. Saying bye to the girl on the line I walk to the front - the bar is empty in the early Wednesday evening. But like clockwork at 9 pm the tall blonde opens the door and comes in for the 6th night in a row - this time alone.

Of course she looks great, wearing basketball shorts and a team USA hoodie she had grown too big for, evidently a little too small on her arms and shoulders, her hair in a ponytail. Her mouth twists into a smile as she sees me, long legs quickly reaching the bar.

“Well he-”

“Paige, I need your help.”

Paige stares at the shipment through the door frame as I shift on my feet, hating how I had to ask for help, especially from her. I, like everyone else, found Paige incredibly attractive, exceptionally charming. But the ego on her irked me. The way she looked at me like she could read my mind, the things she said to make me blush and that grin like she knew that it was just a matter of time before I’d join the long list of girls she took to bed and left high and dry. I refused to be one of those girls - but it was hard to ignore the flutters in my stomach that arrived routinely at 9 pm when the blonde made her way through the door and to the bar each night.

“How’d they leave a lil thing like you to deal with this?” Paige chuckles, elbowing me gently.

I rub my hand over my face, smiling too. “It came a day too early.”

Paige nods for a moment and shrugs. “Well let’s get to work ma.”

With that she pulls the hoodie off, left in black basketball shorts and a black matching sports bra. I let myself look just for a second. Eyes roaming over her broad shoulders, the muscles in her stomach, the silver chain with a cross on it. It didn’t hurt to look now and then - as long as I didn’t ogle.

One by one Paige and I carry heavy boxes full of bottles inside Ted’s, though I’m slightly distracted by the way the blonde’s back muscles flex when she picks a box up, the way her jaw flexes when it’s a little too heavy for her. A bead of sweat trickles from her neck downwards along her spine as my gaze follows it, a heat pooling between my legs as I watch her.

Out of breath and slightly sweaty, I push my hair back trying to catch my breath. Paige takes note of this, blonde hairs sticking to her forehead as she walks over to me. This September heat was no joke.

Her blue eyes roam my face as both her hands grab a hold of my hips. A jolt of electricity runs through my body, her touch igniting a fire I hadn’t felt in a while. Our gazes meet, Paige licking her lips as her hand pushes my thick brown hair off my face. I find my heart beating so hard I swear it’s trying to make its way out of my chest. For a moment I think she’s about to kiss me.

“Why won’t you go get us something to drink?” Paige murmurs, her voice deep and gravelly in a way I had never heard before.

My cheeks slightly pink I nod towards the boxes, my voice quiet as I speak. “But what about…?”

“I got it ma,” she assures me, never breaking eye contact. It’s almost dizzying, the tension between us. Reminding myself of what I knew about Paige’s roster, I finally look away, slightly disappointed when her hands drop off my waist.

Walking to the front I find the bar still empty of customers. I grab a bottle of water, chugging it in an attempt to bring myself to my senses. Don’t be stupid Valerie, everyone knows how this could end up if I make the wrong choices here.

Filling two glasses to the brink with ice and coke, I return to the back, eyes landing on Paige and her arms that flex as she lifts up another box, making my mouth go dry. I quickly sip the coke, ignoring the way my legs had been growing weaker the more sweaty Paige got. As the last box hits the floor and all the work is done, Paige closes the door finally locking the scorching heat out and grabs the glass from my hand. We both feel the same goosebumps down our spines as our fingertips graze, forcing our eyes to meet.

“Thanks for the help,” I murmur, my voice weaker than I’d like. Paige’s chest is heaving, whether from the physical strain or the tension of the moment I don’t know. “I owe you.”

Paige shakes her head, blue piercing eyes still locked in mine. “Nah, always down to help a pretty girl out.”

I hate that I blush, but I can’t help it. I hand the blonde the glass of coke and watch the way her throat bobs as she drinks, my lips itching to kiss there. I was falling for her tricks quicker than I’d like.

“I uh, how about you don’t have to pay for your Shirleys?” I offer, voice slightly shaky,

Paige grins and places her glass on a side table, leaning against the closed backdoor. “I don’t need anything free, trust,” she grins, heavy lidded eyes looking down at me. “Besides, how will I tip you then?”

“You tip way too much,” I giggle, brushing my fingertips through my long brown locks.

Paige shrugs. “I tip just enough,” she murmurs hoarsely, licking her lips as her fingers come up to toy with the ends of my hair. I swallow hard, my panties growing damp between my thighs. The blonde breathes out heavily through her nostrils, still watching me. “Just come see a game and we’re even.”

My eyelids flutter shut when Paige’s hand carefully moves from my hair to the side of my jaw and I can’t help but nod.

“Okay,” I murmur breathlessly, head spinning with need.

Licking her lips, Paige’s eyes land on mine. “Valerie?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m gonna kiss you now.”

“O-okay.”

With all my restraint, all my plans to stay strong forgotten, I do the exact opposite of what I planned. Paige leans down and her lips crash into mine, an involuntary moan leaving my mouth. My stomach flutters as I lean into her, my hands wrapping around her neck as I get on my tiptoes to reach her better. The blonde’s hands land on my waist, pulling my body closer to her, breathing heavily through her nose.

It’s dizzying, the way she kisses me, the way her touch feels against my skin leaving a trail of fire in its wake. I feel completely overwhelmed yet dying for more, all the patience leaving my body at once. Like reading my mind, Paige’s hands fall from my waist to my ass, gripping harshly as she groans against my lips. My core is already throbbing, the sounds coming out of the girl kissing me only making it worse.

There’s a sense of urgency when Paige backs me into the side table, sitting me on it. My legs quickly wrap around her waist as her tongue slides over my bottom lip before biting on it gently. I let out a whimper that makes the blonde grin.

“Been dying to fuck you. Will you let me?” She pants against my mouth and I have no other choice but to nod, my body aching for her.

“Please,” the plea spills from my lips as Paige sloppily kisses along my jaw, all the way to my neck. She gently nibbles, eliciting a hiss from me when she reaches the spot under my ear that was most sensitive. She sucks on it harder, her hands gripping my denim covered thighs firmly.

“How wet are you?” The blonde murmurs, her breath hot in my ear sending tingles down my spin all the way to my cunt that was dripping.

“So wet Paige,” I whimper, feeling Paige’s hands travel up my thighs and squeeze again, other hand pulling off my white t-shirt, leaving me in a black lace bra and jeans. Paige pulls back and watches my chest, licking her lips.

“Goddamn look at those tits,” she mumbles, more to herself than me before her lips attack my chest, kissing all over, teeth grazing over my bra where my hard nipple is poking through.

The lack of contact between my legs felt excruciating, like some sort of torture. With a whine I roll my hips into Paige, pulling her closer with my legs. Her blue eyes look up at me from my chest menacingly, hand coming to toy with the button of my jeans.

“Tell me what you want, baby.”

Panting, I collect myself enough to speak. “Touch me, P.”

“I am touching you,” she teases, kissing along my neck again.

“You know what I mean.”

“Need to hear you say it ma.”

Frustrated, I tilt my head back, the need between my legs becoming overwhelming. Her hand was unzipping my pants now, torturing me.

“Fuck okay just touch my pussy Paige, now please,” I whine eliciting a smirk from Paige as her fingertips slip underneath my lace panties.

“You want my mouth or fingers?”

“Whatever you want just now please!”

“Oh you’re gonna regret saying that.”

With that Paige’s fingers make their way into my folds, gasping with me as she feels how wet I had grown in this past hour watching her work. With a practiced ease her fingertips press against my clit, starting to rub against it in tight circles.

“Oh fuck,” I whine, my head tilting back. Paige’s other hand quickly covers my mouth and suddenly I’m reminded that any customer coming in could hear us from the front of the bar.

“Gotta keep quiet for me, yeah?” The blonde reminds me and I nod, my eyes meeting hers. My moans are muffled by her hand as she continues the movement of her fingers.

“Fuck, gotta take these off,” she murmurs, her voice low and hoarse as she pulls my jeans down, moaning at the sight of my black, lacy panties. “Gotta see this pussy.”

Her hands pry my legs open, fingertips digging into my thighs as she slides my panties to the side, my glistening cunt proof of how bad I needed her.

Paige hisses, unable to look away as her fingers swirl in my folds, gathering wetness before returning to my clit, rubbing back and forth so fast I let out a loud gasp. The blonde’s free hand returns to my mouth, eyes warning me. “Quiet, remember?”

“Mhmm,” I mumble against her hand, my eyes fluttering shut as she speeds up even more, my pussy already throbbing, aching to be filled. Paige’s hand on my mouth pushes me backwards, my back hitting the cold wood of the table.

“Attagirl.”

My fingertips tease her entrance, circling around it menacingly. She looked incredible like this, even better than in all my fantasies, back arching and head thrown back, mouth covered by my big hand making her look even smaller for me. The sounds she was making were driving me insane, causing my own cunt to throb and soak all the way through my boxers.

Her hips buck, clearly not a fan of my teasing as she whines against my hand. God, I could listen to these sounds forever,

“You want my fingers?” I ask, panting just from my own need. She nods, her big brown eyes pleading, nearly making me come merely from the way she was looking at me.

“Two’s good yeah?” I ask, two of my fingers so close to dipping in. It takes all my restraint now to pound them into her when she nods. Instead I slowly push them in, my eyelids fluttering shut at how wet and warm and tight she felt around me, how I could quite literally feel her pussy throbbing around my fingers.

She gasps, her eyes rolling back at the stretch caused by me, and I can’t help myself when I lower myself onto her knee, grinding my cunt against the bones there making me groan breathily.

I start slowly pumping my fingers in and out of Valerie, unable to take my eyes away from her cunt, the way it’s swallowing me up, sucking me back in each time I try and pull away.

Hoping the brunette remembers to stay quiet, I pull my hand back from her mouth, kneading her left breast as I grind my own hips against her knee.

“More,” she whimpers, pretty eyes squeezed shut and back arching.

“Whatever you want baby,” I whisper, my own mind so drunk off her I couldn’t keep up with the composure I’d had in the beginning.

I push a third finger inside her, curling them just right to press against the spongy part inside her making her gush around my fingers. I could barely think straight, doing everything not to come all over her knee before she finished.

The sounds coming from her body are downright sinful, the wet sounds of my fingers curling inside her cunt making my legs shake. I don’t know how I’d ever get enough.

When I start pumping those three fingers in and out of her with more force, Valerie turns into a mess, her thighs trembling, body writhing on the wooden table and eyes squeezed shut, hands trying to grip onto anything they could - the table, her own breasts, even me. In a haze I offer her my free hand, letting her fingers grip my hand as I pump my fingers faster, palm hitting against her clit.

“Paige, I’m close,” she cries out, urging me on as her knee presses against my swollen clit in my boxers, forcing me to bite down on my lip hard to not moan.

“Fuck ma, so fucking sexy,” I groan, watching the way her head tilts back as her cunt tightens around my fingers.

“Yes, don’t stop, don’t stop.”

“I got you Val,” I moan, rocking my hips back and forth on her knee, my juices gushing out of me as I fight my eyes from rolling back.

“Paige, shit, I’m-”

Suddenly she’s covering her own mouth with her hand, her back arching off the table as her cunt clenches around my fingers, but I don’t ease up, I keep up with my movements. The way her face is scrunching up is enough to get my own orgasm to take over me, my movements on her knee turning sloppy and desperate as I come all over her while my fingers pump in and out of her. I’m unable to look away.

A guttural groan leaves my body as Valerie’s muffled moans fill the room, waves of pleasure taking over us simultaneously. There’s something addicting about it, the way we’re both riding out our orgasms at the same time.

“Goddamn,” I sigh, eyes watering as my movements slow down, enjoying the way she’s throbbing around my fingers. Valerie’s eyes flutter open and I swear she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. We’re both panting, the moment over far too quickly to my liking. I could never be done that fast with a girl like this.

Pulling my fingers out, I kneel between the brunette’s legs, pulling the panties off her completely. Face to face with her glistening cunt I decide this is the most perfect pussy I have ever seen in my life - and there have been quite a few.

“Wh-what are you doing?” She asks me, her voice still shaky from her climax as she sits back up.

“Need to taste this pussy,” I murmur, my eyes locked onto her cunt, hands spreading it open, making my mouth water.

“Paige I have to get back to work,” she whines, looking down at me as I begin to kiss her inner thighs, pulling her legs over my shoulders. “There could be customers.”

“There aren’t,” I say matter of factly. Truthfully there was no way for me to know, but I needed to have my mouth on this pussy right fucking now.

“How do you- oh fuck.”

My eyes flutter shut at the taste of her, my tongue dipping inside her and slowly circling. I wrap my arms around her thighs, pulling her closer as I drag my tongue upwards through her folds to her red, swollen clit, lapping at it. I can already tell this isn’t gonna be a one time thing. There was no universe in which I didn’t get to have my face buried in this pussy at least once a week.

“Wait wait wait, too much-” she hisses but then I press my tongue flat against her and shake my head, making her gasp and throw her head back. I hum against her pussy, taking turns lapping her up sloppily and shaking my head against her, drinking all of her up.

“Valerie,” I moan into her cunt. I usually didn’t like saying the names of the girls I fucked during sex but something about the softness of the letters, the way the name felt in my mouth made me wanna repeat it over and over like some sort of oath, like a prayer.

“Taste so fucking good,” groaning I suck on her clit, listening to her hiss. “Could eat this pussy forever ma.”

The shake in her legs tells me I’m getting her there again, and her hands finally find my hair, making me moan as they pull on it suddenly. When my tongue precisely licks over the right side of her clit she lets out a guttural moan, my own need pooling in my boxers once more.

“Right there?” I ask, repeating the movement of my tongue, taking it as confirmation when she cries out and her back arches. Copying the movement of my tongue over and over again I keep working her, my face getting covered in her, my own spit dripping down her pussy making an even bigger mess. The thick thighs around my head are beginning to shake, pressing to the sides of my face. I pry them further open, with enough force to bruise her. The brunette doesn’t seem to mind though, her whimpers turning high pitched and desperate.

“Shit shit shit shit,” she repeats quietly, her whole body trembling.

“Gonna cum for me again?”

“Mhmm,” she mewls, nails digging into my scalp.

My fingers spread her pussy further apart, my tongue moving even faster on her clit now as her hips squirm, my lips following her.

“Paige fuck right there,” she gasps and I keep going, the strain in my jaw merely an afterthought, only thing on my mind getting the brunette in front of me to come all over my face.

“You got it baby, c’mon,” I praise against her, copying the movements from before as her grip in my hair tightens.

“I, Fuck-” she gasps and she’s coming again, pulling my face closer as she squirms all over the table, my tongue not easing up as the pleasure takes over her. I swear I feel just as euphoric, watching her like this.

When her whines turn high pitched I ease up my movements, wiping my mouth on her thigh before getting up from the floor. Valerie’s out of breath and her eyes are heavy, mascara smudged underneath her eyes and lips plump from the rough kissing. I don’t know what does it, but something I can’t control makes me lean down and kiss her. I never kiss girls after sex.

Just as I’m about to speak, the bell on the door jingles, returning both of us back to the backroom of Ted’s, the fluorescent lights suddenly harsh and overwhelmingly bright.

“Shit,” Valerie gasps and starts getting dressed in record time. I watch her, my brain still mush from what we just did. She quickly brushes her hands through her long hair and rushes to the front, leaving me alone.

“Hi, what can I get ya?” I hear her faint voice a little too perky compared to how she normally sounded.

Wiping my lips I stare at the calendar on the wall marking everyone’s shifts, but all I see is Valerie. Blinking stupidly I wipe my mouth, my mouth twisting into a small smile. The heat in my cheeks and the butterflies in my stomach made themselves known - informing me that this girl would have me utterly, completely fucked from now on.

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#too lost in you #lilas writing #paige bueckers #paige bueckers smut #paige bueckers x oc #paige bueckers x female oc #paige bueckers fanfiction #paige bueckers fic

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