#talking to the wall rn. i know no one cares. if anything i just bum everyone here out and annoy them

[cetoddle-archive]

like i just don't get it

[yikeswtfmate]

I’ll hold you to that

Summary: There’s a new message from a stranger in her DMs, but what does he want from her and why exactly is he so freaking cute?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (College AU)

Warnings: swearing; that should be it, I think?

A/N: This is the second fic in two days, who even am I? What am I even doing? What is happening?! My only excuse is that I’ve started this like 2 months ago and only now got round to finishing it so...enjoy?

This might need a second part though, I feel like I need some college dorkiness in my life rn

Also, do some text and ig messages count as making this a social media au? Probably not, since I was too lazy to do that format with the apps and all that?

masterlist // Watermelon Sugar - another part

Natasha is lying on her friend’s bed, furiously typing away at her phone. The chime of incoming messages is constant and it is starting to drive Y/N up the wall.

“You could do this in your room as well, you know.” Turning in her desk chair, ready to start going off on the redhead, Y/N is cut short by a long suffering sigh. “What’s wrong now?” She knows that if she ignores Nat now, she would only get more annoying, which in turn would leave her no chance of finishing studying for the night.

“I’m talking with the people in my group, trying to prepare for the mock trial next month and there’s this guy who is completely infuriating!” Nat spats and lets out another groan, as her fingers fly across the screen. “He says that we should stop defending the CFO and try and get a settlement because it’s obvious he actually did indeed commit fraud. How are we supposed to make a case and win when he’s completely disregarding everything we’ve studied this semester? Of course the prick committed fraud, but we still have to make the case for him, this is the fucking assignment, you pompous asshole.”

“Yeah, babe, I have no idea what you’re saying there, but go you! Down with Wall Street or whatever, but I still need to study for this management exam, so it would be great if you could kindly fuck off to your room?” Y/N smiles at Nat, who finally looks up at her and sighs.

“Fine. I’ll let you study for your stupid exam, but you still need to reply to that cute guy like you promised.”

“Remind me again, why am I supposed to do that?”

“Because you promised, you ass! And your sex life is shit so Wands and I reckon if you get laid, you’ll stop being so stuck up about school.” It’s Nat’s turn to smile sweetly at Y/N, who throws a pen at her retreating form.

“Why are you guys like this?!”

“We both have unresolved daddy issues, now get on with it or I’ll send Wanda in here.”

Y/N sighs heavily and slumps in her chair. She glances at her charging phone on the desk and tentatively picks it up. She unlocks it, a picture of her and her roommates popping up on the screen and the notification is still there. Still taunting her, still adding fuel to her friends’ pestering.

They have looked through his page, of course. They have looked at all the pictures with his friends, some of them recognisable from the halls of college, all the pictures of him in various cafes, restaurants, bars, gyms, but the picture she still comes back to is the one with him at the beach. Wayfarers perched on the bridge of his nose, ruffled hair in the wind, and that tan that stretches from the set shoulders to the prominent six pack (although the bottle of beer in his hand makes those abs so unfair to believe exist) to the firm thighs. She has looked through all of his pictures, analysing every detail and description, still wondering how in the hell she managed to catch his attention enough to grant her a message from him. And then she would go on her profile, filled with pictures from the dance studio, her coffee filled all-nighters in the library, and fair enough, there is that picture of her at the pool where her bum looks just right and she could get why in a sense, but what the hell, look at that guy!

Her fingers still hover over the notification indecisively, when the group chat pops up on her screen.

Wands: do it, bitch

Y/N: I was just getting myself ready!!!!

Wands: u’re a clown

Wands: JUST DO IT

Y/N: why must you attack me like this

Nat: I’m interrupting my fight with that idiot to send you this very important message

Nat: do it, bitch

Y/N: I hate you both

Y/N finally taps on the notification and there - in all its glory there is one simple message that has been giving her a headache since the previous night. Granted, she was a bit drunk on wine, and the shriek she let out when she saw the blinking notification made her toss her phone to the other side of the couch. Wanda picked it up and looked at it confused, while Natasha slumped on the couch in order to see over her shoulder. They both whistled at the same time, which was disturbing in and of itself, thinking how alike all of their mannerisms have become since they became roommates two years prior.

She takes a big breath that does nothing to relieve her nerves, and biting her lip, she finally opens the app to her messages.

JamesBBarnes: Hey

Huh. Funny how such a little greeting makes her tap her leg unconsciously to the point that their downstairs neighbours will be complaining at their door soon. She closes her eyes for a second, shakes her head and mutters a 'what the hell.'

Y/Nwhatthehell: Hi

Now that this obstacle is over, Y/N idly wonders what made her so flustered. He's just a guy who happened to send her a message after following her on Instagram. There's nothing weird about it, is it? They're both attending the same university, she's fairly sure one of his friends is actually the guy Natasha is currently fighting with on that project of theirs. Maybe he just wants to be friendly, maybe he needs some management information for one of his mock trials. Who even knows, so what is she so stressed about? With a huff, she throws her phone away, determined to finish the chapter opened in front of her and relax for the rest of the evening.

She's in the middle of writing the last note on employee engagement, when a ping from her bed startles her into dropping her pen. She turns cautiously, as if sudden movements would force Aragog crawling out of the device, but decides she's being stupid again so she stands up and nearly lunges on the sheets.

As confusion is written all over her face after reading the first line in the notifications bar, she opens the app and stares at the screen.

JamesBBarnes: Listen, I know this might sound weird, but could you ask your friend to stop fighting with Steve? I'm trying to study over here and he's been throwing stuff around since yesterday saying something about a redhead girl who's hijacking his trial just bc she wants to prove a point

She doesn't know what she was expecting, but it's definitely not this. Is that disappointment she feels for hyping herself up just so he can ask this type of nonsense of her? Maybe, but maybe she just feels a little silly for having thought this guy would hit on her on Instagram. She sighs and replies to him, now annoyed with herself more than anything.

Y/Nwhatthehell: why didn't you just send her a message?

JamesBBarnes: From what I've heard about this Natasha, you seemed like the more reasonable one

The reply is swift, and makes her smile. Nat can be a bit too much if not handled with care, especially when it comes to group work. However, Y/N now has what seems like a million questions, and she’s even more confused than a few minutes ago.

Y/Nwhatthehell: how did you even find my IG anyway?

JamesBBarnes: oh Steve has a huge crush on Natasha and we were all forced to go through her every single photo and hear about how amazing she is every single day since the beginning of the year

JamesBBarnes: but maybe don't tell her that 

JamesBBarnes: you know what, screw that. You can even show her that msg, the punk will never be man enough to tell her himself, might as well get my revenge for all the days I've been forced to listen to him go on and on abt her

She takes a second to read the messages again, when a howl of laughter bursts out of her chest. She had an inkling this was the case, from the way Steve has suspiciously been assigned to every single group project Nat had since September. And Y/N could bet his feelings weren't unrequited, for all the hissy fits Natasha has been throwing about him lately.

Y/Nwhatthehell: what if i tell you he might get what he wants if i tell her that?

Y/Nwhathehell: would you be able to put up with him when he's in a relationship with her? He's probs gonna be 10x worse

JamesBBarnes: oh shit u're right 

JamesBBarnes: fuck it, might as well get it over with. At least he'll stop moping every time she calls him an idiot 

Y/Nwhatthehell: you make a very compelling case, James. Studying law must have its benefits...you know, like having strong well rounded arguments

JamesBBarnes: my arguments would make more sense if i would be allowed to study ya know 

JamesBBarnes: and it's Bucky 

Y/Nwhatthehell: ?

JamesBBarnes: my friends call me Bucky 

Y/Nwhathehell: so we're friends now, are we?

Y/N can't stop the feeling of giddiness that starts to inflate through her chest. She might not have gotten the flirtatious messages she was expecting, but this seems somehow better. More real.

JamesBBarnes: if we're playing matchmakers for our friends, might as well be, don't you think?

Y/Nwhatthehell: i think i'll need a stronger argument than that in order to help you

JamesBBarnes: tell you what. I'll buy you a coffee and a pizza if you help me with those two 

Y/Nwhatthehell: coffee and pizza? A man after my own heart

She wonders for a second if that comment will freak him out, but hangs her head with a grin that splits her face when she sees his reply.

JamesBBarnes: only for you babe 

Bucky stares at the screen, unable to process what he just sent. He likes this girl, likes how his first impression after seeing her profile hasn't changed after starting to talk to her. He knows how easy it is to lie away your life on social media, and he can admit he's more than excited that she seems as wholesome and funny through text, and not only through pictures. Following her and sending her that message yesterday was his genuine desperation at trying to do something, anything really to make Steve stop, but he didn't expect to actually want to keep talking to her. He really hopes he hasn't messed up anything, when 'Typing...' keeps appearing and disappearing.

Y/Nwhatthehell: i'll hold you to that, babe

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #270

“please remain calm; the end has arrived. we cannot save you; enjoy the ride.”

Do you own pastel-colored pants? No. What type of lotion do you use? I don't really use it. Nothing seems to help how dry my skin is. What were your favorite clothing stores in high school? Hot Topic. If you could have a car in any color you wanted, which color? Pastel pink, but realistically (given a pink car would probably have a paint job I'd have to pay for, I assume?), I like burnt orange cars. Not too brown-ish, though. What is your favorite color, do you look good in it, & do you wear it a lot? Pink, probably not, and no. Name someone you know who hates pink. Idk. What is your favorite Avril Lavigne song? "Nobody's Home." Do you kill bugs? Sometimes. Depends. If they're in my house, most likely. Have you ever had a bedroom that had wallpaper on the walls? No. Do you own any rompers? No. What’s one thing you’ve done to celebrate Earth Day? I made a birdhouse out of a milk carton once. Animal Planet taught me lol. Do you use window clings (aka window stickers)? No. What color is your stapler? Black. Do you have a desk that you sit at in your room? Ugh, no, but that's one reason I want to move to somewhere I have a bigger room for a desk so I don't do everything in my damn bed. What do you miss about college? Feeling like I was worth something and on a "proper" path. Was your middle school crush the same as your high school crush? No. What is/was your dream school? I never had a "dream" school. Do you wish you could talk to someone about your past? If so, who? Idk, probably someone. What motivates you? Music and/or videos on whatever subject I could use motivation in, like self-care on my bad days. Have you ever completed a weight loss program? No. Tried, though. When was the last time you did something for the first time? I went through a doctor appointment entirely without Mom just a few days ago; she had to stay in the car due to chemo, so I filled stuff out, checked in/out alone, answered questions on my own, that business. I'm entirely aware it's sad as hell that a 24 y/o did that for the first time, but if you knew just how dependent I am on my mom, you'd get it. Which do you prefer: Valentine’s Day or Easter? Valentine's when I actually have someone to celebrate with, but I love Easter as an aunt with how excited the kids are about candy and all. Easter sorta rubs me the wrong way though since, y'know, Christianity essentially stole and rebuilt it. Do you wait until the last minute to decorate, or do you decorate early? I myself don't even decorate. Mom only does for Christmas, and it's very last minute. What’s your favorite Starbucks drink? I don't drink Starbucks. What were you wearing in the last good selfie you took? *checks phone* uh the one where I'm wearing a red tank top is okay. That's all you can see cuz FUCK taking full-body pics of me. What’s on your wish list right now? Ha, I actually have a list in my phone of things I really want/need to buy when I can. A few include a bigger terrarium to Venus, a treadmill, an Unus Annus shirt before the channel and thus merch expire, glasses for driving... What do you use to sweeten your tea? I don't drink tea. Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette? No, I don't wear enough colors or makeup in general to warrant buying one. When was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone? The aforementioned doctor visit. How would you rate your self-esteem? Low, healthy, or high? Low as like, the deepest oceanic trench probs. Do you own a tripod for your camera? Yeah. Were you a bigger fan of Lindsay Lohan or Hilary Duff? Hilary. Do you make Halloween costumes out of clothes from your closet? Only ever to just be a goth to live out my inner fantasy of regularly flaunting that aesthetic. Do you enjoy putting outfits together? Not particularly. Would you rather it rain or snow? Snow! What does your umbrella look like? Don't have one. What’s one thing you’ve had a toxic reaction to? Do you mean like, emotionally/mentally toxic? I'm guessing probably yes. Even though parts of it were entirely realistic, understandable reactions/behaviors, I most definitely had some toxicity in me regarding the breakup, too. Which do you prefer: cropped tops or tunic tops? Uggghhhh, both are so cute. On me, I'd only ever wear tunic tops, but on others, I tend to find cropped tops cuter. What’s a style or trend that you think is ridiculous? I don't pay enough attention to this to really know... hm. Yeah, idk. Which YouTuber do you want to be more like? I could only dream of being as motivated and smart and determined and "I can do this shit" as Markiplier jfc I Love One Man Only. Do you like stuffed animals? EEEEEEEEK yes!!!! What was your favorite class in high school? Art. Have you ever gotten straight A’s in a class? If so, which classes? Yes; not to brag whatsoever, but too many for me to remember. I remember I got my very first B in 5th grade in I think math, and I was so bummed out. Were there any subjects that you got a perfect SAT score in? If so, what? I don't think so. Are you happy today? If so, what made you happy today? I'm content-ish, not happy, but also not unhappy. Is your bed right by a window? There's one to my upper right and middle left, but my bed's not exactly against either. Do you spend more time in your bedroom or your living room? I barely leave my bedroom. Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for? Halloween, if I actually did decorate. Do you name stuffed animals still? Very rarely. Depends on what it is, the importance, etc. What titles did you win in the senior class polls? I FUCKIN READ THIS AS "TITTIES" AND WAS JUST LIKE... Anyway, none. Were you popular in school? No. If you’re from the US, what states have you lived in? Only NC. Who was your best roommate? Well, Jason, if he even counted as a "roommate." Was your first roommate your best roommate? See above, considering idk if he fits the term; if he does, then yes. What’s the best family vacation you’ve ever been on? Disney World. Have you ever wanted to be a model? No. What years did you attend prom? Sophomore (bf was a senior and he took me) and senior. What do you want to be for Halloween? I was recently listening to a metal version of Oogie Boogie's song from TNBC and it hit me: MISS Oogie Boogie. A fat bitch could pull that shit off, watch me ho. Which member of your family are you closest to? My mom. If you have any regrets, what is the biggest one? If not, why do you have no regrets? Letting a boy become absolutely all that mattered and more to me. Would you ever apply to be on reality TV? Why? Ew, no. I don't need any more people judging me and my life. What is the best thing that has ever happened to you? The partial hospitalization program that saved my life, literally. Do you have a hard time letting things go? It depends on what it is, but generally, yes. I recently realized one of my greatest flaws: I respond very, very poorly to loss, in any way. Looking back on people (especially people), events, other things... a negative, chronic reaction to loss is present throughout. What have you accomplished in life that has made you the most happy? Emotionally healed, a lot. I don't think some things will ever fully scar over, but nevertheless, I don't mentally have fuckin gashes in me. Have you ever struggled with your weight? Ever since the breakup, yes. I thought I was slightly fat before then, but looking at pictures now, I just think "damn hunny u look gud" and realize I was perfectly healthy. But anyway, I was put on a medication called Abilify (full-on name droppin', fuck this med), and it MURDERED my metabolism. I could eat a fuckin carrot and gain five pounds, probably. Emotional eating probably contributed too, but here's the thing: my current doctor took me off of it, knowing the moment I mentioned it that it was not only bad for me and my conditions but also responsible for the extreme weight gain? Pounds dropped like a ton of bricks, and this started before my emotional eating began to die off and regulate. I lost around 80 pounds just from dropping a goddamn pill. Cue college essay-long rant here about how my body image was slaughtered, how much I loathe the fucking doc that kept me on the med and blamed everything on me, and now how I've been stuck weight-wise for two years despite a vast plethora of methods to continue shedding a;sdlkfajkwlelawe GUYS I could rant til my hypothetical great-grandchildren die. When you are out with your friends are you loud and outgoing or shy and reserved? It depends on who the friend is, where we are, etc., but generally, I'm just awkward, trying to be outgoing when in fact I'm questioning every single thing I say and do al;wekjrkawde this survey has taken a TURN. Do you like to stay in your pajamas all day long? I don't leave my pj's unless I have to leave the house and go inside somewhere besides like, a gas station or something that's just "whatever." In high school did you have a lot of friends? Do you still keep in touch? I wouldn't say a *lot*, no, but not a tiny amount, either. The only one I ever still see is Girt, but I keep up with many on Facebook via the like button and shit, ha. Do you really care about such issues as abortion, religion, and global warming? Fuck yes I do. Who is the biggest womanizer you know? Juan sure was, but I haven't been in contact with him for years. Would you ever have a threesome? No. Who is the most attractive person you know? Of those I personally know-know, my answer will probably always be Alon like jc she's beautiful. When did you last feel the most free? ZOINKS we can't ask that question in America rn. Is there anyone who likes (or liked) you and had a really hard time getting over you? I don't know. Did you ever love someone and feel like it was wrong? Love? No. Well, before I realized I was bi, maybe Mini counts, as then I was anti-LGBT and couldn't even imagine myself as anything but straight. What’s your favorite bug? Butterflies. What’s the longest amount of time you liked/loved somebody for? Yeesh... I still can't say with absolute confidence I no longer love Jason at all, whom I started dating in 2012 and went head over heels for. What song makes you cry? There's a few that are capable of it sometimes, but do fucking not play "Stairway To Heaven" if I'm within 10 miles of you. "Another Life" by MiW usually makes me tear up towards the end, but it normally doesn't get that far anymore. Do you like rock or rap music better? Rock, as I'm not a rap fan. If you could watch someone change, would you? Yes let me live my life a;lsdkfjaws Ever known someone with an eating disorder? I don't know. I think maybe? Have you ever had a white Christmas? I think? The best snow we ever got was late Christmas night though, and the next morning was a total whiteout. What’s something you want to do but aren’t sure of yet? Hm. Idk. I'm pretty sure of most things I want to do. Biggest lie you ever told? I'm not entirely sure and I'd rather not search for one. Do you have a religion? I don't fit perfectly into any. I relate most with Neo-Paganism, but even that I deviate from some. Believe that there is a point to churches? I mean sure, people have the right to believe in/worship what they want to, and some people get a lot of joy and reassurance out of going. How do eat Oreos? "I split them in half and lick the cream before eating the cookie." <<<< Converse or Vans? Idc. Eh, maybe Converse, but idk. Dancing or watching others dance? I love watching others dance, it's why I enjoyed dance recitals and competitions. Favorite thing to touch/feel? My cat! <3 Rather be in a tornado or a large earthquake? Both would be horrifying, but I guess earthquake. I've had an outrageous fear of tornadoes since I was very little. Would you rather Santa or the Easter Bunny actually exist? Santa, duh. Would you rather spread gossip or start a fight? Start a fight, I guess. Trying to sully someone's name with false information would haunt me way more than starting an understandable fight. What has been the best New Year's for you so far & why? I don't know. What is the weirdest fear you’ve ever heard of someone having? Do you have any weird fears, and if so, what are they? Uhhh I think maybe butterflies? Idk, even that's not too weird considering it's an insect, and that's common. I'm personally absolutely terrified of pregnancy and also whale sharks scare me quite a bit. ig that's weird. How did you find Tumblr? lol how could you not know at some point as a teen on the Internet. What of the 8 wonders of the world do you find the most fascinating, if any? I had to look them up lmao. I guess the Great Pyramid of Giza. I in general find Egyptian culture and art to be very cool. Do you have a webcam? If you do, do you ever use it and what for? I mean, it's built into the laptop. I never use it. What is something that you think is really underrated? The band Otep, for one. I mean they're not small, but I don't think most people interested in the metal genre know them. OH and then there are A LOT of YouTube artists that MADLY deserve to be signed. I have a large chunk of metal musicians I listen to, and those especially like Jonathan Young blow my fucking mind they haven't technically "made it," even if they have a large subscriber base. Have you ever had a dream where you died? Did anything weird happen to your body after it? Yes, a few. Now hang with me, okay? One of my worst nightmares as a kid involved the wicked witch from TWoO turning me into one of those fucking party things that you blow into it and the paper unfurls and her using it killed me. Yo idk. I was really scared of that witch as a kid. What’s the scariest dream you’ve ever had? How about the most realistic? It involved my dad and that's all that needs to be said. Realistic? Hm. This was SO long ago that I barely remember *just* how real it felt, but I remember it felt real as fuck. I was very little when this happened. I dreamed that I went outside to our porch because there was a weird light and when I stepped outside, a swan and a goose flew down from the light onto the porch to become my late grandpa and my deeply beloved cat Midnight, who died from sickness. I'm sure it was just a dream now, but back then, I was VERY convinced it was like a vision from God or something, telling me they were okay and with us. Do you have a favorite fashion trend? What is it? Is there a fashion trend right now that you think is completely ridiculous, and if so, what? What do you think was the worst fashion trend of all time? I don't care about fashion enough to go in depth about all this. I'll tell you right now though that mullets were the worst mistake known to mankind. Do you tend to like original horror movies or re-makes better? What’s your favorite horror movie? Is it an original or a remake? If you're remaking an old one, I'll probably like it more since they're generally not nearly as cheesy. Modern horror movies, I don't have much of a preference. My fave is The Blair Witch Project, and it's an original. What is one characteristic in a person that you cannot stand? What characteristics do you like best in a person? Do you possess any of these characteristics? Those that act violent when they're angry, for one. Those scare me. Some traits that I really like are compassion, patience, genuineness, empathy, kindness just for the sake of being so, stuff like that. I'd like to think I've got some of those. It's notable that in my nightmares, I'm way more violent than I actually am, though. What kind of jeans do you like best? When I actually wore jeans, they were like solely skinny jeans. What has been the most traumatic experience of your life? Does it still bother you? A very abrupt and poorly-executed breakup after a long-term relationship and falling way, way too hard to be healthy. Does it still bother me? PTSD is stapled on my fucking forehead if you know the slightest about it. I've healed a whole lot, but I'm pretty sure it's a scar that's never going to even fully seal.

[novaviis]

sick!dick au. part seven. 

Read from the beginning here. 

When things calm down a bit, Wally takes a shower. He’s barely got the energy to stand, but he feels grimy and disgusting from days of travel with no rest. He needs it. So, he uses the ensuite in the hospital room, the entire bathroom designed to be clinical and accessible with handles on the walls. As steam fills the room and fogs the glass and mirrors, Wally takes a while to just stand under the hot spray like it’ll just wash the image of Dick from his mind, so pale and still he’d thought he was dead. The shower makes Wally feel better, but that image is going to stay with him forever. When he comes out, and towels off, there’s a knock at the bathroom door. Alfred brought him some fresh clothes. Wally takes them with his thanks, finishes drying off and getting changed, and goes back out.

Dick is awake, if only barely. Wally goes back over to his bed, and Dick just sort of shifts over as much as he can, asking Wally to lay down with him but unable to really get the words out. It breaks Wally’s heart, but he complies, and carefully positions himself so he can lay beside Dick without getting in the way of the monitors and tubes (he swears that they’ve doubled since he left). Dick rests his head on Wally’s chest, and they both drift off. When the Doctors return and try to argue that Mr. West really shouldn’t be in the patient’s bed, and that visiting hours will be over soon, Bruce just shuts it down. Because that young man just travelled across the world to get the answers that could save Dick’s life, that young man is Dick’s husband, and that is the best rest either of them have gotten in weeks. They need this. Neither Dick nor Wally wake up during that conversation, and Wally doesn’t even stir until it’s late into the night.

Wally is allowed to spend the night whenever he wants.

Once Dick’s diagnosis is confirmed, things finally start moving. His condition differs slightly from his distant cousin’s, with the tubers centralized in the brain more than the kidneys or other organs. They caught it in time before it could spread with irreversible damage. Dick is slowly transitioned to new medications to minimize the tubers, and it’s a rough few days as they kick in, leaving Dick ill and aching, but slowly the colour returns to his cheeks. Light and life return to his eyes.

One morning, Dick wakes up, and looks at Wally (sitting beside the bed, going through lab reports from work he’s missed) and just rolls over, propped up on his elbows, to kiss him. For the first time he’s really awake and coherent enough to realize just what Wally had done for him. Wally is shocked enough by the coherency and movement alone. Hearing Dick chuckle at the look on his face is enough to shake him out of it. It’s little moments like that that Wally doesn’t take for granted. He comes into the room one afternoon after a visit to the lab to pick up more work and reports he can do from the hospital. Dick is sitting upright in bed, with Damian sitting at his feet, and Jason, Cass, Duke, and Tim all sitting in chairs on either side. Dick is just setting down a “Pick Up Four” Uno card when Wally walks in, and Cass makes a face and sticks her tongue out at him while the boys all boo the eldest brother. Wally laughs and sets his bag down, taking a seat on the bed next to Dick. He calls across the room to Bruce on the sofa in the corner, asking why he’s not playing. Tim informs him that he’s a sore loser and stopped playing after he lost two rounds. Wally’s more than happy to play in his place and picks up a few card. They play until Dick gets tired, slowly drifting off with his head on Wally’s shoulder.

Finally, when Dick is well enough to both consent and undergo it, the Doctors suggest a procedure. Brain surgery. He’s a good candidate for the RNS system, a sort of pacemaker for the brain that could treat the frequency of his seizures if not stop them all together. They’ll need to operate to remove the tubers that were too large for the medication alone, and then install the device flush with his skull. The talk lasts hours, with the Doctors explaining everything clearly and patiently, and Dick, Wally, and Bruce asking questions. Finally, Dick agrees. It’s terrifying, and risky, and though Wally is tense, he supports Dick’s decision without second thought. This is the best chance they have at Dick having a normal life again.

The surgery date is set, and once Dick is responding to new treatments, he’s allowed to go home. Well, not quite home. Dick is reluctant to agree to it at first, but he and Wally end up temporarily moving into the Manor. Try as he might, Wally can’t be with him every second of the day, and at least at the Manor there’s more room and freedom for Dick than their tiny apartment, and more people around in case something happens. So, they agree to stay at the manor in the months leading up to the surgery, but first spend a night at their apartment to pick what they need.

Words cannot describe how Wally feels, holding the door open for Dick to walk inside, watching as Dick kicks off his shoes and flicks the lights on. Wally’s really not been spending much time in their apartment aside from stopping in to pick up things and clean so it doesn’t get dusty, but even in those short visits the place has always felt dead and empty. Now, what was missing had come back. Wally just wraps his arms around Dick in the middle of the living room, the both of them just taking a minute to hold onto each other and let the past weeks of hell to fade into just that – the past. Dick falls asleep, laying across Wally’s chest, as they watch a movie that night. Wally gently prods him awake and guides him into the bedroom to sleep more comfortably, and can’t help but revel in how quiet the room is without whirring monitors and hospital staff outside the door.

Things are quiet like that for the next few months. Dick and Wally live at Wayne Manor, in a suite big enough that they have their own personal space (and more importantly privacy). Dick has the occasional migraine still, but he only has one seizure, and even that is in the library one night while he, Wally, Duke, and Tim are hanging out. He has enough time to warn them, if the fact that he goes quiet and pale isn’t an indicator enough. Wally catches him, lowers him down, and takes care of him through it like it’s second nature. “You’re alright, babe, I’ve got you. Just let it pass.” Not ideal, but so much better than where Dick could have been had Wally not gotten that diagnosis. This, they can handle.

Over the course of that time, there are of course appointments, weekends spent at the hospital to prepare for the surgery and the like. Dick is told, during one of the last visits before the set date, that because of the nature of the operation happening in two stages (the removal of the tubers and the installation of the RNS), and the operating team will most likely have to shave his head once he goes under.

And it’s such a stupid, vain little thing, but Dick really struggles with that. His hair’s always sort of been part of his identity, and he knows it’s not tied down to that, but fuck it, he’s allowed to be a little bummed out. So, a few days before the surgery, he drags Wally into the bathroom and hands him a pair of clippers. The last thing he wants is to wake up from surgery, already feeling fucking awful, and have that depressing moment of seeing himself without hair. That’s not what he wants. So, he sits on the edge of the bathtub with a towel around his shoulders and another on the floor, and Wally shaves his head. When it’s finished, and there’s a pile of soft, thick black hair littered in clumps all over the floor, Dick looks in the mirror. It still looks like him, but distinctly not him. Wally catches him sort of focused on his ears, reaching up to flatten them against his head, and remembers that when they were kids, Wally used to make fun of his ears. He used to call him Trophyhead. It was something that they’d laugh about.

So, Wally takes Dick’s hands off his head, kisses him. Tells him how sexy Dick looks with a buzzcut. It’s a small gesture, and it means absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of Dick’s treatment, but it means the world.

The day of the operation comes.

They head out to the hospital at the ungodly hour of 4:30 in the morning, when Gotham city is still and quiet – well, for Gotham it is. They check in, they get lead up to the private room, and Dick gets changed into his gown. He’s already got a headache, and he’s shaky from not being allowed to eat anything since the day before. It’s easier to brush it all off as just that rather than nerves. Even Wally’s fingers are shaking a little bit as he helps Dick tie up the back of the gown. This isn’t something to scoff at. It’s fucking brain surgery. Every time Wally thinks about Dick’s head getting cut open and operated on, he wants to vomit, but he keeps his own anxieties at bay for Dick’s sake.

The staff comes in, check up on Dick, have him sign a last consent form, prep him for the operation, and otherwise Wally just tries to keep him distracted until it’s finally time to go. He leans over the bed, kisses Dick on his lips, his cheek, and his forehead, whispering to him “You’re going to do great, okay? It’ll be over before you know it. I’ll be there when you wake up,” before he has to let go.

Dick is surprisingly calm now that it’s zero hour, but he gives Wally’s hand a squeeze and mouths “I love you” as the nurses wheel him out.

Wally is left behind, watching the doors close, feeling like he can’t breathe. The waiting begins.

[my-proof-is-you]

Healing You - Ch. 1

Summary: You were pretty close to dying, you were sure. It was going to be over, and what would you have to show for it?

A great career as a nurse, sure. But you lacked passion and romance in your life.

Luckily, a handsome man with piercing green eyes saves you. While you were sure you’d never see him again, life had other plans for you.

Chapter 1

You rolled your eyes and blinked harshly in pain when you felt the needle hit muscle instead of your vein.

This moron—whatever he was—could not find a vein for the life of him. Being that you were a nurse, you were tempted to snatch it away from him and do it yourself. Even if that would be aiding in your own death.

You took a deep breath as he prepared to insert the needle again, the dank smell of the basement filling your nostrils. You were certain that with each breath there were mold spores finding their way into your lungs.

You shifted your eyes away from your bruised arm and the imbecile that caused it and focused on the girl in the chair a few feet away. She was hanging on by a thread, the blood loss too great to keep her conscious. You knew that at any moment she could stop breathing.

“Oh, my God, you would think you’d be an expert at this by now!” you yelled angrily at the thing. It bore its fangs at you before slapping your face with the back of his hand.

You knew it was stupid to say anything, but you just couldn’t handle the incompetence. You had been named head nurse at the hospital where you worked at a fairly young age. You were good at your job, and the hospital recognized that. Every nursing student you had taught since then could find a patient’s vein on the first try. They practiced on countless oranges and each other until you knew they were experts at drawing blood and inserting IVs.

So watching this douche who was going to kill you anyway was almost too much to bear.

He finally got it and you watched as your warm blood filled the tube that was connected to a blood bag. He walked up the creaky wooden stairs before pushing open the cellar door. A short burst of light came in and you knew it was still daytime. Which day, though, was something you weren’t sure of.

You were pretty sure they were vampires. You gave yourself about thirty seconds to freak out about their existence when they first captured you before making yourself accept it and move on.

These vampires were not what you expected, though. It seemed that they captured people, slowly collected their blood, and disposed of them when they died. It was unlike any story of vampires you had heard before. These vampires didn’t bite into your neck to suck your blood, or turn into bats, or even seem all that affected by sunlight.

You started to feel woozy from the loss of blood and you knew it would only be a day or two more before you were looking like the girl next to you. She had been conscious a few times here or there and you had been able to find out that she had been captured only a few days before you.

They had been giving you water, presumably to keep you alive longer and keep you producing blood for the time being. You knew, though, that it would be too hard for them to keep up with after a while, and they would let you die.

You hadn’t thought about death for a long time. As a nurse, you saw death a lot. But your own death was something you thought wouldn’t come until you were old.

Before you knew that you wanted to be a nurse—when you were still pretty young—you couldn’t picture yourself doing any job when you grew up. Most kids said they wanted to be a fireman or a dentist. But not you. You were oddly morbid as a child, and your little mind thought that maybe not knowing what you wanted to do meant that you wouldn’t get the chance to grow up—that maybe you were going to die at a young by age.

Maybe I was right, you think to yourself. This would definitely still be considered dying young. Of course, you found your calling when you graduated high school, and after you went to nursing school and got your RN you never looked back. At the age of 27, you were pretty pleased with your life.

The one thing that bummed you out, though—besides the no longer living part—was that you didn’t feel that you ever met your one true love.

You had boyfriends in the past, but none of them were long term and most turned out to be jerks. You never knew true passion, and that was definitely something you regretted while facing death.

Little black spots began to appear in your vision, and you knew unconsciousness was coming soon. You didn’t fight it. You just let it take you away from your worries and regrets and into the silence.

Dean

“Dude, ten missing people in two weeks. That sounds pretty monster-y to me.”

Dean shoved the newspaper in his little brother’s face, aching to get out of the bunker and on a hunt.

“Yeah, that’s weird, but what if it’s just a serial killer?” Sam asked.

“Either way!” Dean exclaimed, throwing his hands up. “We’ve dealt with monsters and bat-shit humans before. I’m just sayin, we gotta get out of here or I’m gonna lose it,” he continued, wiping a hand down his face. 

It had been two weeks since the brothers’ last hunt, and Dean had grown tired of the dark walls of the underground bunker they lived in. He wanted—no, needed—to get out and drive his baby, his beloved Impala.

Sam ran his hands through his chestnut hair with a sigh. “Okay. But if it’s another bunch of crazies like the Benders, we’re out of there.”

Sam had been kidnapped by a crazy cannibal family in the past, and Dean understood his caution toward that happening again. He also somehow knew in his gut that this wasn’t the work of humans, though.

Dean practically jumped with happiness when Sam said they could go, and he grabbed his keys and his go-bag before rushing to the garage door like an excited puppy. He didn’t even care if that was how he came off. He just needed to be in his car with his windows down and music blaring.

A few hours later they were pulling up to an old house off a dirt road after talking to several locals. They had figured out that there were some newcomers in the small town, and they hadn’t gone unnoticed. When they had been questioned about the kidnappings from the local police, they came up clean. Sam and Dean knew better, though. Many monsters knew how to blend in and what to say to throw off suspicion.

They knocked cracked wooden front door to the house and waited for someone to answer. When no one did, they decided to snoop around the side of the house and see if they could see through any windows.

All the windows were covered except for one spot where a blanket had been moved, causing a small corner view into the house. Dean wiped the dust from the window with his sleeve and looked inside.

It was dark inside the house. The window showed into the living room, where five men were sleeping in different spots. Some were on a big, ratty couch and some were on the floor. Dean was thankful that they hadn’t heard when he and Sam knocked on the door.Just from the fact that they were all sleeping during the day he was nearly positive that they were vampires. Getting any living hostages out would be a lot easier with them asleep since they could get in and kill them while they slept.

Sam and Dean got in and took off all the vamps’ heads quickly and with little effort. They searched the house, but didn’t find any hostages. In fact, they didn’t even find any bodies or traces of blood.

“Dean!” Sam called from the kitchen.

Dean walked in with his machete ready just in case. Sam was standing in front of the refrigerator, the door open wide. Inside, where there should have been food, were piles and piles of blood bags.

“What kind of weirdo vamps were these?” Dean asked, picking up one of the bags.

“I don’t know, but we know these didn’t come from a hospital. They must have been taking blood from the victims and storing it.”

“Which means some of them might still be alive,” Dean concluded.

“But we checked everywhere, Dean. Where else could they be?” Sam asked.

Dean thought back over every inch of the house. He even thought about the outside, which was when he remembered seeing a cellar door.

“The cellar,” he said quietly. Both brothers immediately ran outside. When they reached the cellar door it was padlocked, but a quick trip to the Impala later they had the lock cut open.

They crept down the stairs in case any more vamps were there. 

Sam and Dean split up when they reached the bottom, each one untying a victim from their chair.

Dean knelt down when he had you untied. He lightly tapped your face, trying to see if he could get you to come to.

After a few moments, your y/e/c eyes fluttered open and landed on Dean.

“Hey, don’t worry, I’m not a vampire,” Dean explained quickly. You looked skeptical but nodded as you noticed that you were untied.

“You have to get me over there,” you said in a raspy voice. Dean’s eyebrows crinkled in confusion. He followed your gaze over to the other victim, a young blonde that Sam was still trying to wake.

You started to get up and Dean watched as you wobbled. He quickly stood up as well and wrapped an arm around your waist to help support you. When you reached the girl you immediately put your fingers to her neck.

“Her pulse is thready. She won’t make it much longer. We have to get her to a hospital,” you said. Sam and Dean just stared at you, surprised. You looked back and forth between the men, your hand going to your hip. “Now!” you yelled. The brothers swept into action, Sam picking the girl up and carrying her up the stairs, while Dean continued to help you walk.

“Those things dead?” You asked quietly after you were up the stairs and Dean walked you to the car.

“Yeah.”

“Good. Thank you—“ you gestured questioningly.

“Dean,” he filled in for you.

“Dean,” you finished, nodding. Your face was serious, but Dean noticed that it lacked any fear. “I’m Y/N.”

[willgayers]

i havent been COMPLETELY thru your list of reddie fics so if youve already done something similar ignore this but. what about a sickfic where richie is sick? also maybe eddie just like, forgets about germs to take care of him and then ends up getting sick too and blaming richie and richies jus like, dude, were you here

i changed it a little but only the part where he blames richie and richie wonders if he was there !!! hope u like it :-)

again,,, sorry for the length?? but i cant write these short?? also again. IT IS WORTH IT 

so obviously eddie is TERRIFIED of germs and every time one of the losers has even a little flu he’s not gonna touch anything they touch and will stand 5 feet away from them and honestly in the end will probably just be that one friend who’s gonna say

“my mom said no”

just so that he won’t hurt his friends’ feelings even tho he really just doesn’t wanna be anywhere near them bc hey he could get it too and it could turn into something more dangerous like leper obviously

but then one tragic time… richie gets a flu

and eddie’s very torn bc he doesn’t wanna be with richie cause ???? he isn’t clean

but then again they were supposed to hangout

eddie is thinking whether he should ditch richie or not

“jesus i’ve been sneezin since 8am”

yeah eddie is not gonna go there

the gERMS ARE FLYING and just the thought makes him shiver

he’s thinking that oh well maybe tomorrow he’s gonna be ok again

spoiler alert: he’s not

so eddie suffers thru the day bc its boring at school without richie

they talk on the phone later that day and eddie’s like hey r u feeling any better

“i am nod” richie answers with a stuffed nose

eddie just sits on his bed with a facial expression that is nothing other than :(

then the day after that ,,, eddie goes to school in hopes of that maybe richie had a miracle healing last night and now he’s gonna be there

LMAO YOU THOUGHT EDS

now eddie is just gettin pissed off bc how dare his boyfriend be sick for this long

so again that night they speak on the phone

“richie jesus christ when are u gonna HEAL”

“i am do dorry eddi-spageddi bud i am just so sig”

eddie is gonna turn into hulk soon from the conflict bc he REALLY misses richie

should i stay or i should go™

(nice stranger things reference)

ok maybe eddie is gonna give it one more day.

so it’s friday and richie has missed school for almost the whole WEEK

“wow eddie you’ve been without richie for almost the whole school week how’s that feel must be a new record huh”

“shut up stan”

don’t be mean stan

eddie’s heart is breakin

again,,, he goes home from school and calls richie immediately

“ARE YOU,,,,STILL…. SICK?????”

“yeah i— *LEPER COUGH* i ah-ah-AMh *cough*”

eddie cringes because ???? oh my gosh he is turning into a zombie

“oK THATS IT”

eddie has had it

he hangs up and stomps out of the house and rides his bike to the grocery store and buys all kinds of stuff like non-caffeine tea ((bc he knows for a fact that it helps better than regular)),, some ice cream and chicken soup in a can even tho eddie thinks it’s disgusting and fights with one of the workers

“YOU DONT HAVE NORMAL,,, READY CHICKEN SOUP IN THE FRESH FOOD SECTION????”

“yeah not today”

“my bOYFRIenD haS bEeN SiCK!! FOR A WEEk and i hAVE TO BRING HIM A CAN????”

eddie shakes his head in disbelief and curses the store as he walks away

then he finally arrives at richie’s house

he knocks on the door first just in case his terrible excuse of parents are home but they aren’t

so he leans down to grab the key from under the doormat and opens the door

he walks in and stiffens his upper lip as he glances around at the sight of empty beer cans and liquor bottles and there’s just the smell of old booze and cigarettes in the air

like it’s normal (and eddie hates that it’s normal) but richie’s SICK and he should be breathing fresh air not the literal definition of the breath of a drunken bum who’s been living in the gutter

this wasn’t what he was expecting bc he figured that richie’s parents would at least open the fucking window because their son is sick inside the house

so quickly eddie makes his way to richie’s room that is at the end of the hallway and he knocks on it softly before opening the door

he finds richie sitting in his bed ,,, burrito inside blankets and he’s watching something from his laptop

his eyes are red and his face is a lil swollen and nose also v red

eddie wants to cry bc he looks so bad

“eddi???”

“yes,,, eddi to the rescue” he mocks his boyfriend’s stuffy nose voice a little

richie is literally starstruck bc ???? EDDIE IS THERE ???? EDDIE , IS THERE , WHEN HE IS SICK ????

“whad de fug edz u should go befor u ged dis doo”

“i’ve been to school without you for a week now richard im done”

richie wants to cry

eddie is still just staring at him bc he doesn’t know how to approach him since he’s still a little disgusted at the situation this is all new for him ok but he really wants to help his bf

“i bought u some stuff”

richie starts to smile wide

“BUT” eddie starts

“before i give u any”

“????”

“you’re gonna leave this house”

richie looks at him like he’s crazy

“r u serioud eddi every pard of ma badi hurts”

eddie feels so bad for him

“you don’t even have fresh air here richie so i am serious”

richie can’t take the fact that his boyfriend is such a knight in shiny armor

eddie leaves the bag for a moment to grab richie inside his blanket burrito and pull him up.

“ur gonna have to get rid of this blanket tho”

“no:(”

eddie looks at him

“srsly richie i can’t give you a ride on my bike you’re gonna fall down and roll down the hill”

“:(”

“i will give you my blanket once we’re there”

richie throws his blanket down way too fast and he starts feeling nauseous

the bike ride isn’t very aesthetic™ for him either bc his head is spinning and all of his muscles hurt and oh my gosh he’s doing his everything not to throw up on eddie’s back rn

eddie’s mom isn’t home so eddie can easily sneak richie in

he’s not sure how he’s gonna explain him living there until he’s healthy again tho

but he’s not gonna worry about that now

(fast forward;

i donT CARE THAT HE’S SICK AND INFECTED MOM,, i LoVE HiM!!!!)

so now they go into eddie’s room ( he’s basically holding richie up )

and richie settles down on eddie’s bed and eddie wraps him inside a blanket and richie is just smiling at him the whole time

“r u comfortable”

“very” richie says. the blanket smells like eds and he is in eddie’s bed. ofc he’s comfortable 

“here’s my laptop”

eddie hands him his macbook and goes to the kitchen to prepare the chicken soup. in the can. which eddie still thinks is unacceptable as he heats it up

“here”

richie is about to cry bc “did you really mage me chiggen soub”

eddie nods with a light frown like wtf obviously that’s what you eat when you’re sick

“there’s also ice cream”

“ice cream???”

“yeah it’s for the throat…???

eddie is kinda confused bc how can richie not know it helps

then it occurs to him that

richie doesn’t know, because

no one’s probably ever taken care of him when he’s sick????

i REPEAT, NO ONE’S EVER TAKEN CARE OF RICHIE TOZIER WHEN HE IS SICK

now eddie wants to cry

“scoot over”

he wants richie to be on the side next to the wall so he can lean his head on it if he wants to it’s more comfy  

with a lil trouble richie does move and eddie cuddles up next to him

literally cuddles

richie is SHOCKED

“are you sure u wanna do dat”

“100%”

richie wants to marry eddie

“wad r we watchin”

“kill bill”

“waid a minude… isn’d dis-”

“yours. yeah. i never watched it and i never gave it back so”

“u never watched dis?? oh my god eddi—”

“eat ur chicken soup and watch this movie with me now oKAY” eddie is a pissed off knight in shiny armor bc talking is just gonna exhaust richie more and he needs to get WELL

richie eats his soup and they watch the movie in silence,,,, glued to each other and at some point eddie realizes richie’s fallen asleep with his head resting towards eddie’s

eddie can’t move because he knows if he does he’s gonna wake up richie

but thankfully after like 15 minutes richie wakes up and he’s like “shid where am i”

“you’re with me”

he turns his gaze down at eddie and he remembers that yes,,, he is in fact with eddie and he just feels: ️️️️️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

well the weekend goes by and eddie goes hardcore nurse on richie and literally by sunday he is already pretty healthy like his voice is back to normal and so on

but… Oh… no

eddie and richie are eating in the kitchen

richie goes;

“baby can u pass me that ketchup”

“sure—”

SNEEZE

eddie’s eyes widen and he freezes in shock

richie looks at him like o'shit he done caught the flu

but then he starts to smile

“WELL I GUESS I WON’T BE GOING TO SCHOOL FOR ANOTHER WEEK”

“what do you mean?!?!?!”

“because obviously im gonna take care of u”

eddie is 😨😭💘😓😭💕😨😭💗

then later they tell the other losers why they’re both missing school and stanley uris wants to comment again

“so eddie u went to richie’s house??”

“yesh”

“and i thought i was romantic letting bill choose dinner”

@nopetaking @xbell22 @donthateonk8 @stenbroughbros @reddiebrekmyheart @itsgreywaterrichie @donvex @blueeyespurpleskies @ageorgymi @oh-youre-the-worst @eddiekaaspbraak @whipashwhipash @rissyq @richietoaster @edskasqbrak @waterlouis @wyattghouleff@urtury @bukiminajimu @kcutieeesblog @stansmansuris @adorefack@reddieaddict @icyeyes102@denbroughbill @graveyardshipper @taletellingsir @anxiety-freak-yuuri @rheddie @queertrashmouth 

[iamperfectlyimperfect]

Sam...

Nov 20th:  I was doing the normal online dating thing...  I hit a wall... got tired of the way guys were talking to me. I changed my mind set. I am only going to swipe guys that I feel have FULL potential! I swiped one person that night. 

Four days later I was just about to delete the apps because I couldn't stand it any more and I matched with the one guy I had swiped in 4 days you know the one with the cute dimples. The moment we matched I told him I was deleting my dating profile and he should snap me. The other guys I was talking to.... I stopped. There was no one I wanted to invest my time in.

Nov 27th He doesn't text a lot so it's been pretty slow. I am loving getting to know as much about him as I can. His dimples! Omg his dimples. I'm in trouble. I'm definitely attracted to him. He has a positive energy about him. He is insightful. So far a good listener and engages in conversation. Even says supportive things. He is respectful of me. Respectful in the way he talks to me. I love the fact that he understands working in yourself. We can have real conversation about growth and challenges. Just supporting one another keep positive and keep going.

Nov 28th We had a "virtual date" kind of... I was watching the fight with Todd. I live streamed the Tyson fight so sam could watch it. Because he couldn't get it at home.. But honestly it made my night. To spend that time with him. Laughing together from miles apart. His smile makes me smile and I love it. Ugh I really like his energy. Not many people work as much as I do. but It could be fun! 

** I am doing this whole manifesting thing so here goes it lol!  “He is going to be the one and I never have to be broken hearted ever again. Wish me luck 🙏 😅** 

He said we could get together on Friday!

Well... It’s Friday the 4th! I am so excited. Like the tension between us is pretty intense. I don’t normally hook up really quick only but holy shit. I want him! I don't know I guess we will see what the night brings. I just want to know more about him. He is really busy so I don’t know a lot! but I want to know more! 

Later Friday night! well umm... I'm either getting stood up or he is stuck at work. We were suppose to connect at 7. Its now 8:30 and I am sitting here starting to feel shitty.... I am all dressed up, looking cute and he has not text. I don't want to be the 1st one to text but I could go out to a friends if I found out right now we are not getting together. I will wait a little while... 

Okay, it’s 9:30 I am texting. 

He is not standing me up on purpose he is stuck at work. It takes 30 seconds to say that. So that respect would have been nice to know 2 hours ago...  I'm sad... really bummed actually.  He asked for a rain check for Monday. Monday can’t come soon enough!  I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation after work. I don't think he will be standing me up again any time soon... :) 

Saturday the 5th This smile never goes away. I have not even met him yet. But I cant get him out of my head. How do I miss someone I have not met. I want to kiss him. I want him to kiss me. 10 minutes video calls with him make my heart melt. I can't wait to met him.

Monday might just come sooner then I thought! He asked If I wanted to come hang out around 3. Umm YES! 

It was everything I wanted and more. He is just as adorable as in his pictures. I could stare at him for hours. Snuggling in his arms was the only place I wanted to be. ugh the way he kissed me and looked at me!*everything else was pretty amazing too*

I asked when do I get to see you again. He said he would look at his days off and get back to me. I didn't want to ask again. so I didn't... 3 days went by... Then 4 & 5 days. His texts got fewer and fewer. It was a crazy day at work! Even if It was just a night after work snuggled on the couch I would be fine with that. I had such a rewarding week and I just wanted to share my days with someone but he never called he never asked.  Some nights he wouldn't even text when he got home from work. It takes 2.5 seconds to text good morning. And 5 seconds to send any text out of 86000 seconds in a day. 

By Wednesdays I knew this was not going anywhere. It was 11 he has not text or called but he was off work. so I tired to video call him. I got an error that he was on another video call. Instantly my heart sank and I decided it was time for bed. 

Thursdays even though I knew what was going on, I didn't want to believe it. So I went about the day like I normally do. giving him text updates along the way. So badly just wanting anyone to give a shit about my day. I just want someone to share life with. Towards the end of the day I changed gears over to I want you texts. Different ways to put a smile on his face. He never texts back so that was at no surprise. And some times he get off around midnight so I sat checking my phone every 5 minutes... by 12:30 I had accepted he didn't care. by 1:30 I was hurt because he was online. So I text a simple “you suck” I was up all night thinking of what to say or how to say it. telling him how fucked up it is not not text back. like what a douche bag thing to do. If you are not interested then just say it. why waste my time. why lead me on. I made excuses for him, being understanding of his routine. Being understanding of the fact he works so much. Just no. 

I woke up to a “mernin” text for the 1st time all week... Here we go. Go ahead and tell me the things you should have said 3 days ago when you made up your mind that I was not what you were looking for. Tell me it’s you and not me. Tell me that you are you and not willing to change. You know the worst thing about recovering addicts, is that they believe their own bullshit and they think you are stupid as fuck. I grew up in the rooms. My mom is an addict. My dad is a recovering addict of 23 years before he died.  I am 100% in support of recovery, Routine and you time. Means I would have a routine and me time. I am even more in support of how much you work. Because there is no one that works as much as me. That's what I liked the most. Positive, encouragement to just "do better, be better." Is my life right now.

You could have not said anything at all today. because your silence last night was enough! All you said is exactly what I already knew. It’s not that you wont change. It’s that I’m not enough to make you want to change and you are already looking for the next best thing. It’s ok. I'm a big girl I am use to it. I’m Fine. My dad said it best “I can pick an addict out of a crowd and that is who I am going to fall in love with.”

Do you want me to accept this or call you out on your bullshit. Either way it doesn't matter to me. I mean I could choose to be nice just so I can still fuck you for a while. ** After thought, No if you will please block my number. If I call... don't answer. Shouldn't be there hard for you. As hard as I love, is the same as I hurt.

He told me that i needed to chill... that this is the drama he was talking about yet its been 3 days of him saying he was gonna call and we would talk about this. How understanding do you think a girl can be when she is confused and disrespected. Hurt and feeling like garbage. When if you would just tell her that your not interested the horrible feeling would go away and she could start to move on. But your gonna tell me "I'm all over the place rn" because your a douchebag that won't give me the respect of a 10 minute phone call to stop my mind from racing. Thank you for the emotional roller coaster, treating me like I never mattered to begin with, Making me feel worthless, but I do appreciate you showing me now instead of later. To begging with would have been better. ps. FUCK YOU MY HEART WAS IN THE RIGHT PLACE MY INTENTION WERE PURE AND ITS YOUR LOSS NOT MINE!

[type2diabetestreatments-blog]

Ask D'Mine: Teens and M&Ms, Dealing with Um... ED

New Post has been published on https://type2diabetestreatment.net/diabetes-mellitus/ask-dmine-teens-and-mms-dealing-with-um-ed/

Ask D'Mine: Teens and M&Ms, Dealing with Um... ED

Hello again and welcome to our new diabetes advice column, Ask D'Mine:

Send us your diabetes questions! We don't mind a bit if they're weird, slightly angry, or something you might consider embarrassing. Really. We love that stuff.

"Need help navigating life with diabetes? Email us at AskDMine@diabetesmine.com"

Jumping right in, say hello to your host, veteran type 1, diabetes author and community educator Wil Dubois:

Julie from Colorado, type 3, writes: I could kill our endo. He told my 14-year-old boy that he could eat anything he wanted to so long as he bolused for it. Now my son is eating M&Ms and his blood sugar is a wreck! When I try to call him on it he just tells me the endo says it's OK. What should I do?

Wil @Ask D'Mine answers:

Oh yeaaaaaaaaaah.........

What? Oh! Sorry! I drifted off into fantasy there for a moment. I was picturing your endo leaning against a stained and pot-marked wall, smoking his last cigarette, contemplating blindfold or no blindfold, while a squad of infuriated mothers load their rifles.

All right, so first to the medicine side of this equation. Technically speaking, the endo is right: you can eat anything if you bolus correctly for it. Yeah, and technically speaking, you can swim in bloody water with great white sharks without using a shark cage — if you do it correctly. But that doesn't make it a good idea.

Even when using advanced pump features, super-bolus techniques, a Symlin pen, and perfect timing to make a marching band proud—many adults have trouble bolusing for some kinds of foods. Our fastest insulin is not nearly fast enough for many of the foods in our environment. On top of that, type 1 teens are smaller ecosystems, which are harder to control than larger ones. And teens often lack the...ummmm... focus... needed to make complex boli work. And don't even get me get me started on the whole hormone thing.

So does technically correct advice make for good advice? Uh, no. I think most of us would agree that telling a teenage kid that they can do anything they want, "just so long as..." is a really bad idea.

I'm sure you wanted to tear that endo apart, and I applaud your restraint in not doing so. You could try "talking" to the endo, but I think you'd probably be wasting your breath. Endos don't get continuing education credits talking to moms (although it would be a good idea). My experience with docs is that the more specialized they are, the less open to outside advice they are. And changing endos wouldn't remove the hall pass your kid just got. Worse, even if your endo changed his tune, the kid will still stick with the original statement because it validates behavior he wants.

So, at this point, the die is cast. The train has left the station. The ship has sailed. You get the idea...

Now what?

The core problem here is that a Medical Authority—note capital letters—has given your son permission to do something against your rules/desires. And in the pediatric type 1 universe, Medical Authority can trump parental authority. After all, if mom and dad know it all, there's no reason to go to the doctor, now is there?

I think your only alternative here is to appeal to a higher authority than the endo: King Teststrip.

I propose you make a deal with your son: Fine. The endo is correct. You can eat anything, as long as you bolus. But the endo also gave you glucose targets you have to keep inside of. The latter rule trumps the former.

With apologies to sci-fi author Isaac Asimov, here are my Three Laws for employing this advice from the endo:

You must first keep your blood sugar in target.

You must take insulin when you eat.

You may eat anything you want, so long as you don't break rule number one and rule number two.

Say to your son: if you can stay under your high target, fine, you can eat it. If you can't keep your numbers in target, sorry, you can't eat it. Now, let's test those M&Ms.

Test-bolus-eat-test.

I'm guessing the M&Ms will have a hard time passing the test.

Good luck, and be sure to let us know how it all works out for you!

Robert from New York, type 2, writes: I'm 54 years old and my last A1C was in the high 8s. Lately I've been having some trouble in the bedroom. I'm wondering if my diabetes is the cause, and what I should do about it. Should I ask my doctor for the little blue pill? Will it work for me?

Wil @Ask D'Mine answers: I think you should ask your doctor if a prescription for five prostitutes is right for you. But seriously, now that I've offended half the readers with my off-color humor, erectile problems are common for middle-aged guys. They are also common for PWDs with elevated blood sugar. I won't bum out all of you guys with the statistical odds for middle-aged PWDs with high blood sugar, as it's much too nice a day out to go there. Let's just say your odds are long. On second thought, that's a really bad choice of words on my part. Moving on...

There are lots of causes of what we now like to call Erectile Dysfunction, or ED. Some are physiological—body stuff. Some are psychological—emotional stuff. But, yeah, I'd be willing to bet that your diabetes has a part to play in your bedroom problems.

The first thing you should do is get your damn blood sugar down where it belongs. High blood sugar can cause ED, and getting your diabetes in control might be all it takes to get you up and running again (if you know what I mean).

Also, beyond the bedroom, an A1C in the high 8s puts you on the doorstep of kidney damage, which will make your bedroom problems look pretty small by comparison. So a lot of good things will come from getting your blood sugar better controlled.

I think that should be your first step. If you continue to have trouble in the bedroom after your BG is in control, then one of the several prescription meds for ED is very, very likely to work for you. The clinical track record for these meds is excellent.

Not long ago I asked a patient if the Cialis that one of our docs had prescribed for him had done the trick. "Works great," he told me with an ear-to-ear grin.

"Too well!" spat his wife.

Ah....

It's at times like this that I actually don't know what to say.

And, of course, in keeping with the perverse nature of the heathcare universe, ED meds are usually better covered by insurance than diabetes meds and supplies. But that's a subject for another day...

One last note for the guys only: Don't be selfish bums. If you are having some ED issues, please remember that there are other ways to make your partner happy and satisfied until you are up and running again. Be creative about it. Be open about it. Be a man about it.

Don't forget to ask YOUR questions. Go ahead. You know you want to...

This is not a medical advice column. We are PWDs freely and openly sharing the wisdom of our collected experiences — our been-there-done-that knowledge from the trenches. But we are not MDs, RNs, NPs, PAs, CDEs, or partridges in pear trees. Bottom line: we are only a small part of your total prescription. You still need the professional advice, treatment, and care of a licensed medical professional.

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

Type 2 Diabetes Treatment Type 2 Diabetes Diet Diabetes Destroyer Reviews Original Article

[survivormyanmar-blog]

Ep. #8 - “THEY HAD IT COMING” - Ashley

After being blindsided at Tribal Council, Ashley and Amanda started to plot their revenge.  With a new majority alliance of Jay and all of the men on the tribe formed (“Leftover Cuties”), Ashley and Amanda and their duo alliance “THEY HAVE IT COMING” came up with the idea of forming an all girls alliance.  After Tommy won Immunity, Brett and Tommy led the plan with the Leftover Cuties to take out Christian because they didn’t want an inactive player to be able to stay.  When Ashley and Amanda found out about this plan they told Christian and Ting Ting and were also able to rope in Leah in a plan to take out Brett.  With Jay being the last addition to the newly formed all female alliance called “KICK THE GUYS’ ASSES”, Jay had to decide if she wanted to stay with the men or join the women.  She ended up choosing the women and convincing Linus to come along with her and Brett was blindsided in a 7-4 vote.

a messy, messy, messy vote. I need to start stepping up my game. I’m serious; it’s kinda getting down to it. I need to be a little more strategically sound and not have random slip ups. I believe I’m in a good spot right now, but I need to keep pushing. I need to make moves!!!!

however, I am happy that other people want to play hard, too. It’s not just me that wants to go against people and make blindisides.

What an eventful night. First, Steffen is voted off. Which is amazing. Gotta give huge props to Jay, Sam and Linus for pulling off a beautiful blindside. Hopefully this marks the start of a wonderful alliance. Brett, Linus, Jay, Sam, Tommy and myself for final 6? Maybe. With a group of 6 against a group of 5, it’s looking promising. Anything can happen though. And then, the immunity challenge which Tommy won in about four seconds. Not really but damn did he finish fast. I guess the good thing is he’s on my side, so there isn’t much to worry about. As well, Ashley has been messaging me saying she doesn’t trust anyone, feels betrayed, doesn’t know what to do, etc. I don’t blame her, she was just on the wrong side of a massive blindside but all I can do is smile and sympathize with her. She could have worked with me earlier in the game but she chose not to. She dug her own grave and I’m not digging her out.

OKAY HERE WE GO. Who the HELL would just go around and spread literal shit all over the walls? Brett. Who is so tied up in this game that he can probably see his own asshole? Brett. Who is going to totally have it coming when he is voted out? Brett. Like come on dude, receipts are a thing. Smarten the hell up and make a call once in a while. In other news I am annoyed and shook that my buddy Steffen is gone. I am soooo pissed about Jay betraying us like that. It is clear to see that she will do ANYTHING to get where she wants. If that includes being so shoved up Sam’s ass and seeing his legit left ventricle, so be it. So now Amanda and I need to pull in the ranks for this next vote. Brett, Jay, or Sam need to fucking go. I don’t care who I have to take down along the way, they are leaving.

YES YES YES YES YES!!!!! My biggest threat went home! (Steffen) NOW I WON THE FIRST INDIVIDUAL IMMUNITY! It feels amazing and I just feel glorious. I’m super duper happy right now and can’t contain my excitement. With the individual immunity around my neck I feel like I want to take out someone this round that I feel otherwise will stick around for a while and negatively affect my game. This way I take the biggest chance with immunity around my neck so if someone goes it isn’t me. I can’t believe everything is falling into place! Of the eleven of us left I feel close to Jay, Sam, Brett, Linus, and Ting Ting the most. Followed by Keegen. That means my target this tribal is between Leah, Ashley, Amanda, and Christian. Leah is really into being a “free agent” plus her original tribe as a fan already makes her a target. Ashley/Amanda were totally blindsided and probably want to get Jay/Sam back which I understand but we have the numbers right now and I want to make sure Jay/Sam stay in my side so keeping Ashley/Amanda in another round is good for my game because it will keep them preoccupied. This leaves Christian who hasn’t spoken a single word to me in pms. Girl you didn’t come to play survivor if you don’t even talk to your tribemates in pms. I don’t want people dragging her to the end because she’s a goat. My plan for this round is to take her out because I don’t feel comfortable with her around. Then after this round I’ll go back to being my sweet old self a letting the “bigger” players such and Jay/Sam who think they are leading this 100% take care of Ashley/Amanda for the following rounds. That’s my plans for now.

And now The merry murderess of the Myanmar Camp in her rendition of….. The Cell Block Tango. Fuck! Loner! Squish! Uh uh, Base Camp, Linus! Fuck! Loner! Squish! Uh uh, Base Camp, Linus! Fuck! Loner! Squish! Uh uh, Base Camp, Linus! They have it coming, They have it coming They only have themselves to blame If you’d have been there, if you’d have seen it I betcha you would have done the same Fuck! Loner! Squish! Uh Uh, Base Camp, Linus! You know how people have these little habits That get you down? Like Sam Sam liked to mess things up, no, not mess, fuck So I come online this one night and there’s Sam Sittin’ at the bar messin’, no, not messin’, fuckin’ So, I said to him, I said “Sam, you fuck things up one more time” and he did… So I took the shotgun off the wall And I fired two warning shots INTO HIS HEAD He had it coming, he had it coming He only had himself to blame I met Jay Berghuis from Who Knows city about two weeks ago And she told me she was a loner and we hit it off right away So, we started working together She’d make the plans, She’d tell everyone, I’d make sure people saw them through, we’d bask in our greatness. Then I found out,  Loner, she told me LONER MY ASS Not only was she aligned, oh no, he had connections to everyone. One of those Mormons, you know So after tribal one night, when she came back to me I fixed her tea as usual You know, some gals just can’t hold their arsenic. She had it coming, she had it coming She took a friendship in its prime And then she used it and she abused it It was a murder but not a crime Now, I’m standing by the fire Carvin’ up the fish for dinner And in storms my acquaintance Keegan in a jealous rage “You were working with Nehe!” He says, he was crazy and he kept screamin’ “You were working with Nehe!” …….Then he ran into my knife He ran into my knife TEN TIMES If you’d have been there, if you’d have seen it I betcha you would have done the same My friend, Tommy and I had this double act And my buddy, Brett worked along with us For the last number in our act We voted out the naïve one One two three four five, splits, spread eagles Flip flops, back flips, votes right after the other Well, this one night we were at camp The three of us, we were in this shelter of leaves ricin’ and havin’ a few laughs and we ran out of water So I went out to get some I come back, open the door There’s Tommy and Brett Doing number seventeen, The Spread Eagle (Get it? Cuz he is so shoved up his ass) Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out I can’t remember a thing, it wasn’t until later When I was washing the blood off my hands I even knew they were on jury They had it coming, they had it coming They had it coming all along I didn’t do it, but if I’d done it How could you tell me that I was wrong? I loved Nigel Linus more than I could possibly say, He was a real artistic guy, sensitive, a painter But he was always trying to find a scape goat He’d go out every night looking for one And on the way, he found immunity, Jay, and Samuel I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences He saw himself as alive and I saw him torched The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum They had it comin’, they had it comin’ They had it comin’ all along ‘Cause if they used us and they abused us How could they tell us that we were wrong? They have it coming, they have it coming They only have themselves to blame If you’d have been there, if you’d have seen it I betcha you would have done the same You fuck things up one more time Loner my ass Ten times Number seventeen, the spread eagle Artistic differences I BETCHA YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME

Steffen left messages to Leah and Ting Ting to keep an eye out for the three that got him out, so hopefully Amanda and I can use this to our advantage to get them close with us and be votes for us. I swear to god if this doesn’t work I am going to scream.

Ashley: I love playing with ashley. She’s such a nice human bean and just a wonderful person. But i feel like she’s not as active as the rest of us and she doesn’t really participate in challenges so idk if she’s a threat…but you know who knows Brett: Seems chill. He’s a fan. haha fans make cool wind. chilly Christian: well. Jay: slightly more well than christian. steffen told me to be wary of her, linus, and sam bc apparently they’re all snakes but i like jay and hope we can work together and she won’t stab me in the back lol. love being paranoid Keegan: tbh i kinda forgot who you were. sorry. i’m really tired rn and the hosts are making me write this. still love you boo. but yeah you seem like a fun person but i would work on those painting skills. Leah: i wish i talked to you more often but you aren’t really chatting that much so it’s kinda the same as ashley. i don’t really know what to make of that. Linus: linus is really cool and it’s awesome that i actually got a chance to get to know him and become friends with him. Sam: YES SAM! WAY TO MAKE IT THROUGH TRIBAL! seamus and i were watching the tribal and we both cheered so yay! way to go. hopefully we’ll make it through life and stuff Tommy: damn that immunity challenge tho. way to goooooooo. cool eyes brochacho. Trevor: he seems nicer and i think it’s bc he read my last confessional. he’s still v lazy tho so overall still not a fan Owen: well. yikes. all i have to say.

On 12/16/16, at 11:46 PM, Trevor (FvF5 Host) wrote: > My fave favs! ^^JUST SO IN THE FUTURE THE REST OF YOU SHITHEADS KNOW ME AND ASHLEY ARE TREVORS FAVORITES me after this tribal: http://img.thesun.co.uk/aidemitlum/archive/01871/Britney__1871745a.jpg What i wanted to do at tribal: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/0d/33/42/0d334211f007132e349423053db6fc7a.gif Me and Ashley are Britney, Jay is Ariana: http://sugarscape.cdnds.net/14/49/1417781776-arian19.png to sum it up: http://38.media.tumblr.com/6e5aa91901c65e583adb267f7ce7c108/tumblr_ncdrx5Qt3R1s2ynnio1_400.gif

It’s 5:31am, my boyfriend is snoring so loud I can’t sleep, and I’m officially considering myself the cracked queen of fvf 5. Ashley is pissed at me, which is lowkey surprising, and Amanda doesn’t actually seem to be, which is also lowkey surprising. It seems like literally everyone else is happy about the move we decided to make, so I think I definitely have people to work with going forward. Linus said he found my puzzle and won’t take me out, so I definitely trust him more and more every day. I just don’t want to make the same mistakes I did in Transylvania and let the people who are on the outs with me rise to power to snatch me.

I’m Hali on the beach right now: http://images.yuku.com.s3.amazonaws.com/image/gif/92c3990c0213481abc09dec938801451_r.gif

So Amanda, Leah and I still haven’t heard anything for this tribal. But everything usually happens the day of anyways. I am hoping Jay believes me when I say that I still trust her and am willing to work with her. Because depending on who she comes to me wanting out, I will cut her if I have to. I am hoping we can wrangle Christian and Ting Ting into our alliance so we at least have a solid five. If we can get Jay to vote with us this tribal we could get someone big(ish) out like Sam or Linus. Maybe even Brett. We will just have to see I guess.

I’ll be happy if I never see the words “icon” or “shook” after this game is over. I’m also over “queen.” That is all.

I wasted an idol lol.

hello everyone! I’m coming at you live from the USA’s limp dick–Florida! anyway back to game. On last vote, it was awesome that we were able to get Steffen out on only three votes because it would have been a lot more difficult to get all of that later. It certainly makes the game “easier” for a little bit; I’m not getting complacent, though. we’re voting christian tonight so unless she has something up her ass (and honestly more power to her), the vote should be pretty easy tonight. People are still a little wary of Amanda and Ashley, but I think it’s better to save them for later. Anyway I’m eating shake shack soon so bless up mofos.

The Outcast alliance, consisting of Brett, Linus, Jay, Sam, Tommy and myself are targeting Christian. Good plan, but Ashley was either told of the plan or just coincidentally guessed the vote, since she told Tommy she was voting Christian. We’re sticking with the plan, Jay and Tommy specifically said there’s no sense in worrying and I agree. I think it’s unlikely Christian has an idol. But we’ll see. As long as the vote isn’t me, I’m happy

Someone information has come to light. Apparently there’s talks of a girls alliance forming. The rest of the girls are trying to sway Jay to their side. Kinda last minute, they’re just struggling to find some way to get a majority. I trust enough in Jay that she will stick with us

All girls alliance! Fuck yes. Look at me attempting to save my ass. This is pretty great and I am hoping the vote for Brett tonight actually works. His ass needs to go. He keeps thinking he is in control and every time he speaks in the tribe chat I want to pull out my eyeballs. Like tbh. He is spreading too much crap and I don’t need the whole world knowing about Amanda and I.

Well, I’m at a crossroads. I have a six person majority alliance with all the guys on the tribe and another separate six person majority alliance with the girls on the tribe. The guys are targeting Christian and the girls are targeting Brett, so I could go either way at this point. I don’t want to wake up with half of the tribe hating me tomorrow, so I may just throw my vote toward someone random and force a revote and then potentially rocks. This is the scariest position I’ve ever been in on tumblr survivor. I hate that this is the vote that going to define my game and I barely even had a choice in being shoved in the middle. Tomorrow, everything is going to be different with people I’ve been working with for a long time, regardless of which way I go. This is a lot. A lot. Linus has kind of become my #1 ally in the game since it seems like Tommy may have a bigger mouth and more connections than I thought, so I’ve been telling him pretty much everything and he’s comfortable flipping on Brett with me. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Stay tuned, buckaroos.

I sure am glad we don’t play this game on like messenger or something. I seem to lie about reading messages a lot 😅😂

So, last minute  on the vote today it’s brought  to light that  a girls alliance wants  to vote out Brett instead of Christian. Jay came to me to say that she  felt like it may be in her best interest to make the jump. I really don’t feel the most comfortable with jumping on board with a womans alliance, especially since last time I checked I am very much not a woman. However, Jay is my closest ally far and away, and I think she already kind of had her mind set on this jump, so my options were to keep her as an ally and maybe find some new friends, or vote in the minority and lose her trust, so the choice seemed obvious. The truth is my current alliance is sinking, and boy do I not want to swim. So, with that, oh great king of Mata, I bid you ado.

so i finally found the perfect gif for me when steffen got voted out: http://wwwimage.cbsstatic.com/thumbnails/photos/files/asset/10/00/43/94/fbb11cd670f6f1e8_survivor_33_hannah_cant_even.gif BUT YOU KNOW WHAT https://49.media.tumblr.com/6d3fbe5cd1f6e6ad5bf57ac766bf44eb/tumblr_nmiv55gTcN1qhktavo1_250.gif Ashley and I pulled our asses up and got ourselves working and got a group together of all the girls  and the plan is to vote for Brett. I hope this goes as planned cause this would totally flip the game and itd be iconic. As usual though i dont feel safe until tribals done so WE’LL SEE http://49.media.tumblr.com/0a76f378bc9b81ab8012f9ba6558f009/tumblr_nkeojciu3U1sqbiv1o7_400.gif

Brett, The Day After I am very proud of how I played this game. I certainly have things that I feel I could have done better at and moments that might have led to my downfall, but all in all, I did way better than I thought I was going to. I really thought my game was over the second ADRIAN got voted out from AMANDA’s vote advantage, so the fact that I was able to last one more week after that was such a gift. It’s a really fun game and I’m very grateful that I got the opportunity to play it. The plan was to get rid of CHRISTIAN. I felt it was a good move so that no one would be tempted to take her as a goat as well as having it be a respect move for everyone actually playing the game. People tell me CHRISTIAN’s a nice person. I wouldn’t know. She’s completely inconsequential to this game. I really hope she makes the finals now because it will really help me narrow down who to vote for. I’m not quite sure what happened, which is kind of wonderful when you think about it. I figured the other side would pick me as a target. I felt like I had 5 votes coming my way, especially after the other side tried to recruit JAY in the LAZIEST attempt at women’s alliance I’ve ever seen. Unfortunately, two members from my alliance–I’m assuming SAM and TOMMY, but can’t be sure–flipped and voted me out. I don’t have any ill will towards anyone that flipped on me, even if it was KEEGAN or LINUS or JAY. I think most of everyone in there could recognize I was a formidable player and that I should be dealt with sooner rather than later. I actually think that’s my largest game flaw–I made no attempt to dumb myself down. I’m very well written (and humble to boot) and I like to have intellectual conversations about the nature of the game to other people. I think these people liked those conversations, but knew they couldn’t let me anywhere near a jury or near the position to overthrow their grander schemes. I really felt like 6th place was the best I was going to do. I’m thrilled to at least have made the jury. That’s kind of cool. And now the minimal amount of stress I had about this game is now reduced to absolutely nothing. That’s not so bad either. I originally signed up for this game because the last one I played was 7-8 years ago. I was a teenager then. I was a lot more anxious then. I think when you’re younger, you’re more likely to do well because the pool of players is mostly around your age, but it’s an advantage to play when you’re older (unless you’re CAROLINE or MARANDA) because you have so much more going on for you and it’s not the end of the world if something doesn’t go your way. I was more successful in my placement(s) as a teenager, but I feel like my gameplay is stronger now, oddly enough–even sitting here at 11th Place. It’s easier to seem non-threatening when you’re still a child, more or less! Going into jury, I really got along with STEFFEN well and so I was looking forward to spending more time with him. To my surprise, STEFFEN is obnoxious if he’s not “ON” in the game. He’s warm and charismatic to get himself further in the game, but now that he’s out, he has no fucks to give and he’s just saying one irritating thing after another. Oh and there’s nothing WORSE than when someone gripes about twists and how if the hand had been dealt differently, he would have survived and it’s just like: WELCOME TO SURVIVOR. That’s literally how this game works. I’m sure ADRIAN is thinking “If only the swap came one vote later.” I’m sure NEHE & KRYSTEN are thinking “If only both tribes didn’t have to go to tribal council that night I got sent home.” That’s just how it is. You can’t get mad at something that was pre-meditated months ago. He just seems really immature. We are, of course, both rooting for different people to succeed. We can agree to disagree on that. He just comes off as kind of a loser to me now. But that’s the case with most of these players, so he shouldn’t feel singled out. There are nine players left in the game and one CPU level 1 that no one wants to eliminate for some reason. Let’s break them down, shall we? AMANDA is a good player. I would definitely consider voting for her to win if she makes it to the end. She’s been mostly smart with very few missteps. And she’s been alright to talk to. ASHLEY is an average player drowning in her own immaturity. I can’t see myself voting for her to win this game at all and it really just comes down to the temper tantrum she threw when STEFFEN was voted out. “If anyone wants to let me know what just happened, I’ll be online.” How infuriating. Get off your lazy, bitter ass and go talk to people instead of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself! Also, I don’t know why players do this, but it’s beyond annoying when people feign this “Oh I’m so worried it’s going to be me! I don’t know what to do!” Just stop. You’re embarrassing everyone. Go away. JAY is a sweet, sweet girl. And I think she’s playing as well as she can with the hand she’s been dealt. I don’t think she’ll make it to the end, but I commend her for killing it this far. KEEGAN is such a wonderful person. It would take a miracle for me to not vote for him if he made it to the end. I’m worried that I’ll be seeing him next based on the current situation, but I know that he has the strategic chops and challenge prowess to knock everyone else out of the game if he focuses and makes very calculated, purposeful moves. I have so much faith in him. I really want him to win this. LEAH is easily the largest disappointment in my Survivor: Myanmar experience. She’s not playing a good game at all. She just had a massive advantage when the game began of having pre-existing relationships with STEFFEN and AMANDA that presented a pretty uneven playing field, if you ask me. It really jeopardized the authenticity of this whole season to have a “fan” that’s good friends with two of the “favorites.” Had she not had those pre-existing relationships, she wouldn’t have gravitated towards those two naturally, not when they’re on the other tribe originally and not when she wouldn’t have even met AMANDA until the merge. If she gets to the end, it’ll be very hard for me to vote for her as well because she started the game with a rather large handicap. If you set the game on EASY mode, I’m not going to appreciate it when you sit next to two people who had a more difficult road to travel at the finale. My biggest mistake in this game is that I had a major hunch at the very beginning of the game that LEAH was going to work with the favorites because of how many people in the community were well wishing her pre-game. I voiced my concerns to KEEGAN and several others. It fell on deaf ears more or less, but it’s ultimately my fault. When CARLOS was voted out, I could have used social capital to get rid of LEAH and I didn’t because NEHE was a ticking time bomb that favored LEAH and I didn’t want to stick my neck out too far as a leader. Whatever place LEAH ends up finishing, she really shouldn’t be proud. If it’s ASHLEY, CHRISTIAN, and LEAH in the final three, ASHLEY gets my vote 100%. LINUS is a sweetie. And he has so much potential. I really hope that he can rise above his current predicament and cause a major upset. I know he’ll be an asset to KEEGAN and perhaps they’ll find an idol in the coming rounds. For being a teenager, LINUS was very easy to communicate with and has intelligence far beyond his years. I’m excited to see how he plays from here. SAM is one to watch out for. If my gut is correct, he’s engineered the demise of the first two members of the jury. STEFFEN doesn’t have any respect for it because STEFFEN plays a million ORGs at once and has no awareness, but I appreciate SAM’s go-for-it gameplay underneath his calm and mild exterior. He could win this, but I hope he doesn’t Aubry Bracco it–he’s not really seen as this major player among the rest of Toga Tata. He’s a bit too far behind the scenes. I see him, but does anyone else? TING TING is adorable and she’s really done no wrong this far into the game. We never talked strategy, but neither of us really had a use for the other, so it’s understandable. I think she’s becoming a real contender as the days pass by! TOMMY is such a roller coaster of a player. He has personality quirks that made for a very poor first impression with me. When I needed to work with him, however, I found that he can actually be very endearing, too. He’s not all mess and he has some tremendous ideas. I think he was the one who seemed the most conflicted about whether to vote me out or not. I hope he doesn’t regret it coming up. In fact, I’m most intrigued to discover the fates of SAM and TOMMY because their games are the most adventurous of the bunch. A lot of players don’t care for TOMMY at all. If he’s in the finals with anyone that isn’t KEEGAN, I’ll more than likely vote for him to win. I’m wishing him luck. So that’s it! Now I’m in jury with STEFFEN and while I really hope that someone cooler comes to Ponderosa for me to interact with, I would love for it to be AMANDA, ASHLEY, CHRISTIAN, or LEAH. That would be phenomenal. I’ll find out tomorrow evening, it seems. And lastly, to anyone who reads my confessionals and is upset that I referred to you as annoying or “Cookie Monster” or anything else, you really shouldn’t put much stock in my words at all. I don’t know you–and if I’ve used such words about you, I probably don’t want to know you. After this game, I’ll probably leave with one friend or two and not want to deal with the rest of you again. It’s not game bitterness. It’s just that in my daily life, I tend to avoid Disney freaks and people who live in their mother’s basement watching Big Brother live feeds whose greatest life decision is what flavor Big Gulp to get from 7-Eleven. I wish everyone that played this game happiness–I just truly believe for most that that happiness does not include me as a fixture in their life. My happiness certainly doesn’t include them. I don’t expect this to make me popular with the “VL,” but I was never really concerned with being anyone other than myself. The end.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #226

“i couldn't take my eyes off her, but that's not what i took off that night.”

So, how are you doing today? I'm mostly fine, I guess. I'm sooooo sleep-deprived from these damn night terrors, so it has me pretty moody. Then I'm bummed as all fuckhell that Sara and I can't be together on our anniversary. What is the last song that you had on repeat? I think it waaaas... "Idiosyncrasy" (it took me five million attempts to spell that right) by Korn. Are you a hedonist/masochist/in between? Neither. The best musical performance you’ve been to? I've only ever seen Alice Cooper, but it was WICKED. He did his signature decapitation illusion (how the fuck does that even work??), and the last song (it was a fucking amazing cover of "Another Brick In The Wall") had INCREDIBLE theatrics. I loved it. Who is your favorite drummer? *shrugs* Your favorite guitarist? Idk, really. Maybe Zakk Wylde. A vocalist with the best voice? Freddie Mercury's voice is so versatile and chill-inducing, Amy Lee is an obvious answer, Patrick Stump's voice is just so goddamn sexy, as is Brendon Urie's, as well as wide in vocal range. Do you have a band yourself? Maaaan, that'd be dope. But no. Do you write poetry or song lyrics? I used to write poems aaaaaall the time (y'know, the "I'm 14 and this is deep" kind), and I've actually really wanted to for a while now, but idk about what. Plus my word-weaving capability has drastically declined, so all I'd do is get mad. Your best memories: Meeting Sara, SARA'S FUCKING FACE WHEN SHE SAW ME IN HER BEDROOM ON HER LAST BIRTHDAY OH MY FUCKING GOD, a novel of things with Jason, seeing meerkats at the zoo for the first time, THE DAY GOD NOTICED ME THROUGH A GIF I WORKED WAY TOO HARD ON (I couldn't sleep for three days, and I wish I was kidding), uhhhh. A lot. Your worst memories: The night of the breakup, absolutely and entirely. Nothing compares. It was a slow, paralyzing trauma (don't get pissy about me using that word "as an exaggeration," it was diagnosed as such years ago) that entirely put me into an actual state of shock. I wish that night on absolutely nobody. No one. Funniest thing you've ever seen an animal do? Maaaaan, I could tell you a lot. Probably inarguably the funniest was Ginger (ex's beagle) WITHOUT FAIL losing her shit with jealousy or SOMETHING whenever she noticed Jason and I were doing anything that involved affection without her. That dog would LOSE IT with barking, tail wagging, and climbing all over him, and it was never not funny to see this fatass little dog turn into a living cockblock lmfao. OH YEAH then our late boxer Cali could be baited into howling if you did it sometimes. It was so, so cute. She'd always look so confused but do it anyway. I'm sure there're others; I've grown up with pets my whole life, but those are the only two that come to me now. What is on your mind? I wanna see Sara. Could you ever cheat on your significant other? I physically couldn't stand myself if I ever did. No. Ever been so disgraced that you had homicidal thoughts? Wow no. If so, whom did you wish to assassin? I mean I've talked about Ashley (not my sister) before, but they weren't seriously "homicidal." I wasn't going to actually do anything. If you wish to be famous, what would you want to be famous for? I don't wish it, but let's say I was. Some form of artist. ... Wait, I do want that. Errrmmm OH! A serious wildlife conservator. Do you think humanity is going downhill? Duh. What was the last thing you threw at someone? I have no clue. Do you ever want to be prom queen/king? I didn't care. Have you ever ran from the police? I'd prefer to stay out of jail. Are you afraid of clowns? No. Have you ever written on someone’s face in your yearbook? Ha ha yeeeaaah... When was the last time you made dinner? me?????? cook????????????? huh?????????????? Do you have any special plans coming up? I'm shooting my sister's gender reveal Sunday. :') Ash and her husband don't know the gender, so I am so fucking excited to see their reactions. Who do you want to be buried next to? Please don't bury me and just take up space. Cremate me and scatter the ashes somewhere, or do SOMETHING meaningful and creative. What is your favorite fish? Like... to eat? I haven't tried very much, but I liked striper forever and ever ago. If you mean visually, probably betta fish. Have you ever won a gold medal? Probably with kid stuff. Do you have any trophies? Also as a kid for A honor roll, as well as dance and sports overall. Do you work out? Oops no. When you introduce yourself, do you give hand shakes? It depends on who I'm talking to. Is there a limit to how many best friends you have? No? Do you have any hickeys on you? Bitch a girl can wish. Do you have the strength to say goodbye forever? Been there, finally done that. Will you talk to the person you like tonight? I talk to her every day throughout the day. Who did you last share a bed with? Sara. Who do you go to when you need to talk to someone? Sara or Mom. Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? No. What are you listening to right now? I'm not actually listening to anything, but "Gypsy" by Fleetwood Mac is BURIED into my head rn. What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider? I've never tried to latter actually, but I'd probably still prefer hot chocolate, anyway. Do you make wishes at 11:11? No; I don't believe in that stuff. I have a friend who posts JUST "11:11 <3" or something like that every night on FB, and while it shouldn't, it annoys the fuck out of me. No one cares. Ever been on a golf cart? Yeah. Do you get blizzards where you live? No, never to the point where "blizzard" fits. What’s a biblical truth that you struggle with? lmao When was the last time you did something rebellious? *shrugs* Do you rebel against God a lot? I can genuinely say I don't give a fuck if I do or don't. Do you consider yourself creative? Very. What’s an old hobby that you want to pick back up? Sigh, reading. Do you ever read books to a pet? No. That seems without real purpose... and this is coming from me, an animal worshiper, just about. Like, you know they genuinely have no clue what you're saying or doing, and I highly doubt they're gonna stay still and look at the pictures. Do you have any pets? Two dogs, a cat, a rat, and a snake. What was the theme of your childhood bedroom? It didn't have a set theme. Partially because I grew up with the same room as my little sister, and we had very different interests. What color was your nursery as a baby? I have zero clue. Did I even have a proper nursery??? What was the last surgery you had? Getting a cyst above my asscrack removed lmaoooo. What’s something you prefer to keep private? Sexual history. I am very, very shy talking about that kind of stuff. Who is someone you look up to? *sobs "fischfuck" at the top of my lungs* As a child, did you have people you admired? STEVE IRWIN WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY EMOTIONAL DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are you good at prioritizing? Eek... I'm unsure, to be honest. Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for? fuckin' Halloween hoe. Which holiday or season has the best decorations in stores? Soooo Halloween decor=room decor for me tbh lol. Who’s the prettiest YouTuber you watch? She doesn't have her own active YT channel anymore, but Suzy Hanson (GameGrumps' Arin's wife) is a fucking goddess. Oh, and while I've never watched her channel, I've seen Hannah Hart on GMM quite a few times, and she's actually one of my first signals that I wasn't straight because I definitely felt attracted to how naturally beautiful she is. What’s the most shocking thing that’s occurred in your life lately? Finding out my grandma has terminal cancer. How’s the weather been at your part of the world in the past week? It's been fucking hot. Thursday was the hottest October day in NC history, peaking at 100. Disgoostiiiiiing. Have you given something up recently? (for ex., candy, red meat etc.) Uhhhh well, this is semi-recently, I guess: I entirely stopped going to Chick-fil-a in protest of higher-ranking business employees or whatever supporting/making donations to anti-LGBT cults, especially conversion "therapy." What’s the worst thing about autumn? "How fleeting it is. I never feel like I get properly immersed in the experience. I blink and the leaves are gone and Thanksgiving is here and Christmas is right around the corner." <<< Perfect description. What is something you enjoy doing, even if you’re not very good at it? Drawing portraits, maybe. Do you work hard for your money? I don't have a job, never have had a stable one. However, on the occasion I'm hired to take pictures, I. Try. Really. Hard. What’s a song that most people interpret entirely wrong? "Mama I'm Coming Home" by Ozzy Osbourne was first to come to mind; reasonably, people tend to think the song is about his mother, but it's rather about his wife. Calling your wife that is apparently some English petname. When’s the last time you had cake? Wow, idk, actually. I think my niece mighta had some for her birthday in June? I know my nephew had cupcakes. Yeah, I think it was her b-day. Have you ever made your own soda from scratch? I have not. How about your own jam? No. Or pickled something? No. Did you grow anything in your garden this year? No, we don't have one. Or did someone give you something they grew in theirs? No. What’s the most romantic gift anyone’s given to you? Uhhhhhhhhhh idk. Do you like woolly socks? If so, do you ever make your own? NO, especially when you put sneakers over them or something. They feel so constricted. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer? A laptop that needs to be replaced, gah. Or fixed. I have a pure black crack and blob stretching across the left side of my screen that is super distracting and obscuring, and the right side of the top half is cracked along the side; I have duct tape to help keep it closed. Otherwise it's a fine laptop, though. Oh wait, and the apostrophe key is missing, so I have to hit the plastic pressure thingy that's easy to miss. Do you watch America’s Got Talent? No. If so, who has been your favorite contestant on AGT? My favorite ever was Landau Eugene Murphy Jr. Still have some of his covers on my iPod. Prince Poppycock is also my gay uncle that I would die for. What chore are you behind on? I need to dust my room good lort. Have you ever broken your phone screen? No, actually. Have you ever broke your computer screen? Well, refer to earlier question. I don't know if it's technically "broke," just damaged (it's not an actual scratch, btw; it's beyond the exterior screen). I need to take it somewhere to fix it ahhhhh. What department store do you shop at the most? Wal-Mart. Do you normally use the self-checkout or the regular checkout? Depends on how much we have. If it's just a handful or so, we just go do it ourselves. Which friend will be in your heart no matter what happens between you two? Sara, Megan. What is your most severe allergy? Pollen. Have you ever been kicked out of a store? No. OH SHIT NO WAIT, I THINK a friend and I may have wandered into Spencer's once when we were "too young." Or maybe we just got ID'd. Idk, idr. What was the stupidest mistake of your life? Turning a person into my sole source of "real" happiness, giving my entire soul to a flawed human being, being naive about love, all that jazz. Have you ever unfriended a sibling on social media? Well, she unfriended me. We're friends again now tho I think I pissed her off again. Oops. Do you watch Niki and Gabi on YouTube? If yes, which twin is your favorite: Niki or Gabi? I've heard of 'em, but don't know anything about/watch them. What was your favorite book you had to read for school? The Outsiders. The Handmaid's Tale is now right behind it. What do you want for your birthday this year? My '19 birthday has already passed, but if you mean like, my next one, idk. Maybe a new phone considering mine is GODawful with so many problems. Alllllthough I'm entirely aware I'll be putting a tattoo first, so... it depends on what I have, ha ha. Do you like rock music? Yep. What is the most beautiful landscape you have ever seen? MOUNTAINS!!!!!!!!!! What do you usually take for headaches? Advil/Ibuprofen. Have you ever switched doctors because of mistreatment? Or moreso carelessness and immeasurable ignorance masked by over-confidence. Do you film or record your doctor’s appointments? ??????????????????????????????? Can you even do that?????????????????? Which accomplishment are you most proud of yourself for? So, this kinda depends. I'm most likely to say "recovery," but I honestly give almost all credit to my psychiatrist and therapists. So I don't usually see *me* as playing a big role in it. Idk. So other days I'll say way more confidently graduating in the top 10% of the graduating class as a senior. Do you feel like you’ve accomplished anything yet with your life? Well yeah. What is your favorite medication that you take, and why? The combination I take of Vraylar + Lamictal due to how they interact and being massively responsible for me being stable. What is your favorite vitamin, and why? Do people???????????? have fave vitamins????????????????? List 5 people you know who have never been mean to you. Uh. I think Connie is it out of the people I know well/have known for a long time, lol. Would you rather do a craft project or a science experiment? s c i e n c e  b i t c h Do you say garbage, trash, rubbish, or something else? "Trash," usually. Which Bratz doll was your favorite? I didn't have a favorite. Which Barbie doll was your favorite? ^ Which American Girl doll was your favorite? I don't remember. Do you decorate Mason jars? No, but I find them veeeeeery pretty when decorated well. What color band and stone does your class ring have? I didn't get one. Can you see the mountains from where you live? No, I wish... What is your favorite Lisa Frank character? angel!!!!!!!!!!!! KITTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you believe in the power of prayer? Not in the slightest. What color eyes does the person you like/love have? Are they pretty? A beautiful brown. Obviously if I call them beautiful. What was the first television show you were obsessed with? Pokemon cries. I never really like... showed just how much though. Looking back on when I was a kid, I took embarrassment poorly even then. Other girls thought I was weird for bringing a Psyduck plushy with me to school everyday, everyone in pre-k looked at me like "huh" when I brought my little Snorlax plush in for show-and-tell, I came to a point of only watching it when my sister was asleep, I was too scared to ask for the games, and- jfc okay I'm actually realizing I need to go back to therapy to talk about how deep my AvPD truly is rooted oops lmao. Do you eat chili when you get a hot dog, or do you like it plain? Chili is disgusting. Have you ever disowned anyone in your family? For what reasons? No. Is there anyone out there who has hurt you so much, you wish they’d die? No. Has anyone ever called you a sociopath before? No. How many times have you been drunk in your life? None got to the point of me feeling *actually* drunk. I've only ever been tipsy. When was the last time you acted really immature? *shrugs* Can you rely on one or more people to take up for you? Yeah, a few. When is the last time you sat around a campfire? I don't have a clue. Is there an important event coming up at your school? I think? It's some event all freshmen have to attend to all damn day and I'm not looking forward to it. It's for a good cause, but. It's gonna be a drag and I've had two incidents this school year of once collapsing and just last week almost fainting and vomiting just from the heat. Do you have a back-up career choice? What is it? Something with writing, I guess. Well, I ideally want to be a professional photographer but also a zoologist, but if photography goes absurdly well (this is incredibly unlikely, I know, but it's doable), I may not aim for a zoologist career, but get the necessary degree for it as back-up. I want an unquestionably stable back-up choice. My minor is Journalism, so like I mentioned up top, yeah, if things really go shitty, something in writing is an option. Would you ever get caught with a fake ID? No. Do you think religion justifies treating people unequally? I don't see the supposed "rationality" in this at all. No. Are men more attractive with longer or shorter hair? I guess it depends on the person, but I think I'm generally more attracted to men with longer hair. What color was the ink of the last pen you used? Black. Is there a name that you hear and cringe? I can't really say "cringe," but without fail, it's obvious who and what I think of the moment I hear the name "Jason," and it always causes this dull pain in my chest. What color are your dad’s eyes? They're dark brown. When you were a kid, was there a boy/girl that you said you were going to marry? No. Is your favourite TV show very popular? That '70s Show is, and Fullmetal Alchemist is among anime fans, at least. I don't think too many people know about Meerkat Manor, but I know it was and possibly still is Animal Planet's highest-grossing series, so it sure was big for viewers of that channel. What are you absolutely determined to do? Become at least a semi-successful photographer, make a great life with Sara, support my mom one day like she always has me, mostly overcome anxiety, photograph and touch a habituated meerkat of the KMP... a handful of things. Where would you rather be from? Somewhere in the U.S. that's not a homophobic, racist, gun-fucking, Bible-thumping cesspit of closed-minded shits. I love NC. How often do you play sports? Never. What website do you visit most often? YouTube. What do you wish you knew more about? Politics. What are some things you’ve had to unlearn? I stopped this as a young teenager, but I know I was one of those kids who used "retarded" as a substitute for "stupid." I absolutely hate that shit. I also had to unlearn uhhhh... man, I know there's a lot, I'm just blanking right now. What TV channel doesn’t exist but really should? *shrug* Where is the most interesting place you’ve been? Interesting to me personally, Chicago. Cities that massive are foreign to me. What fad or trend do you hope comes back? Scene fashion was art, don't @ me. What’s the best way to start the day? SLEEPY CUDDLES W/ YOUR S/O. What kind of art do you enjoy most? Man, idk. I love art so much. What have you only recently formed an opinion about? That's a good question. What is the most heartwarming thing you’ve ever seen? Literally today/yesterday when I watched the secret stream Mark did of gathering viewers to anonymously destroy random but small Twitch streamers' charity goals & he was too motivated and inspiring & everyone was so fucking confused but thankful and it was literally the most inarguably Chaotic Good thing I have ever borne witness to. For three hours I couldn't stop fucking smiling. What’s something you like to do the old-fashioned way? Hell if I know. Who has impressed you most with what they’ve accomplished? lol guess How do you relax after a hard day of work? I don't work. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch? TV show? 13 Reasons Why is a hell no. The Human Centipede I wouldn't watch over my dead fucking body. Where would you spend all your time if you could? All my time? Idk. What’s the best way a person can spend their time? Improving the world. What’s the most interesting piece of art you’ve seen? I couldn't even try to answer that question. What’s worth spending more on to get the best? I dunno, probably a lot. Maybe food? Ensure it's safe, at least. What is the luckiest thing that has happened to you? Not flipping over in the wreck we got in when I was a kid, probably. All factors of it considered, we were told flipping would have been far more likely than my mom managing to keep us on four wheels. What are some small things that make your day better? Multiple things. Sara feeling positive, I'm fucking awful so having a yummy soda gives me a measly drop of Serotonin, I love seeing Venus come out of her rock to wander around, finding a new song to become utterly addicted to is great, cool weather outside... things like that. I'm sure there's more. What one thing do you really want but can’t afford? REALLY want? A trip to South Africa. What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of? Uhhh idk. Otep, I suppose. As a band, anyway. She's actually the QUEEN of bigoted bitches. Why did you decide to do the work you are doing now? N/A What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but just haven’t gotten around to? Oh, idk. If all jobs had the same pay and hours, what job would you like to have? Still a photographer. Have you ever saved someone’s life? No. What’s the hardest lesson you’ve learned? People can tell you they'll always be there and still leave in the blink of an eye. What’s something you are self-conscious about? Unconventional interests/hobbies and my body. Have you ever given to any charities? Yes. What was the best compliment you’ve received? Idk. What’s the most immature thing that you do? Not gonna lie, I can act bratty if I don't get something I SERIOUSLY want. Which of your scars has the best story behind it? None, really. What have you created that you are most proud of? A novel of very developed and deep RP characters over the years. What do you regret not doing or starting when you were younger? Learning German. As you get older, what are you becoming more and more afraid of? Mom dying. Being independent. In what situation or place would you feel the most out of place in? Most out of place? Would, like not one I've actually experienced? Uhhh idk. An orgy lmao.