#tali on the other hand never had this but did have some resentment towards her for not coming with her as she tends to see aris as the last

[arolesbianism]

I should rly start eternal gales posting again I need to make sure the ppl who follow me know how much Tali and Aris make me to insane so that the isat au can have its full effect but alas I am allergic to drawing the human eg cast like 99% of the time and rn the only thing stopping that from being 100% is that I like fucking around with different art styles sometimes

[ncisjes]

One Last Time

PAIRING: TIVA

Rating: A really light M. It’s in there but you can skip if you want.

FF.net

The door swings wide as the room key flies across the air, sliding across the table, and eventually somersaulting to the floor.

What a day.

Attempting to multitask, Tony feels out the lamp on the side table and somehow manages to turn it on without knocking it over while removing his suit jacket. He really did not understand the need to get dressed up and go to dinner, but Senior insisted they needed to break the monotony of eating room service every day. Even though the exhaustion from the past two weeks was starting to really wear on him, Tony reluctantly agreed to go out and have an authentic Italian meal.

Tali looked beautiful in the velvet maroon dress they had bought for her earlier that day. It was all smiles and giggles as she made art with her spaghetti. A handful of noodles in each palm, she decorated the table, the floor, Tony’s face, and even the waiter’s jacket with red sauce and pasta.

If Ziva were only here to see this.

Tony was grateful that Senior had agreed to keep Tali in his room for the night to allow Tony to get some much-needed rest. After a bath, singing lullabies, and tucking in Tali with her keh’lev, he walked mindlessly to his suite down the hall.

The nights were the worst for him. Only when Tali had drifted off to sleep would he allow himself to break his playful dad demeanor and let his mind race and wander to Ziva. At first, he felt lucky if he was able to sleep, but the dreams of her seemed to be even more encompassing than his thoughts. No matter how many times he thought or heard or said she was gone, it still felt like a knife to the heart each time.

Letting out a sigh, he began unbuttoning his shirt when suddenly the air thickened and every hair on his body stood at attention. Someone was watching him from behind. Before he could turn around to see who it was, a hand clasped over his mouth in a vice like grip and another forced a dagger against his throat. Reaching for the SIG he no longer carried, Tony quickly scanned the room for an object to use as a weapon. Warm air caressed his neck as his assailant began to speak.

“When I let you go, please try to keep your voice down.”

His whole body goes rigid at these words. He feels the release of the knife first and then his mouth, and for a moment he can’t bring himself to turn around.

Could it be?

Their eyes lock when he turns to face her. Time stops, and every emotion he has been burying the past few days washes over him. He can’t move. He can’t speak. He can’t breathe. His mind is racing with thoughts, but he can’t quite seem to grasp them. It’s almost as if he is waiting for her to disappear again; for this all to be an illusion. Slowly shutting his eyes, Tony takes a deep exhale knowing this moment will be over as soon as his eyes open. When she is still standing there, his mouth seems to move on its own.

“Ziva…” he whispers.

She gives him a small but begrudging smile before responding, “Hello, Tony.”.

They stand in silence for a few moments more as Tony is still in disbelief that this is happening. It really doesn’t seem real until Ziva asks, “Where is Tali?”

She already knows the answer.

His eyes study her as he responds. “She’s down the hall. With Senior.”

Ziva’s face falls a little as she wrings her hands.

“I wanted to see her, but perhaps it is better this way.” She lets out a weak smile, knowing that this request was more selfish than beneficial.

“Look, Tony, I know I have a lot of explaining to do…” She starts to say as she makes her way towards him.

Tony doesn’t let her finish. In a flash, he closes the gap between them and wraps himself around her. Their lips meet as he pulls her entire body against him. His hands entangle themselves in her wild curly hair. Ziva responds by enclosing her arms around his torso. The kiss is filled with so much fervor that it is almost painful.

Wanting to feel every inch of her, Tony’s lips skate across Ziva’s jawline to her neck, then just below her ear making Ziva moan. Continuing his amorous assault, he kisses her neck down to her chest to the cup of her bra before removing it along with her shirt.  He begins to move them toward the bed, undoing the button and zipper on her pants in the process. Ziva finishes the job of unbuttoning Tony’s shirt, and quickly shucks it off before pulling his white undershirt over his head. Pushing her back on the bed, Tony yanks Ziva’s pants off, taking her panties with them, and deposits them haphazardly on the floor. Making quick work of his belt, button, and zipper, he drops his pants and boxers. Giving a swift kiss to her center, he slides into her waiting heat.

Staring down at her naked body bathed in moonlight, her hair splayed across the sheets, Tony begins to slowly thrust. Their eyes lock once again, saying everything they verbally can’t express. Ziva wraps her legs around his waist and lifts her hips to meet him. It doesn’t take long for them both to tumble over the edge. Tony collapses on top of her, breathing in the scent of her hair. Ziva wraps her arms around him, hugging him tightly, never wanting to let him go. They lie there silent for a few moments, skin pressed against skin, matching each other’s breathing.

The air seems to change as Tony withdraws and rolls over beside her. They both stare at the ceiling. The tension is palpable in their silence.

“You could have told me.” Tony says before he stands, squatting to pull up his pants. He walks across the room to retrieve his shirt.

Sitting up on her elbows, Ziva watches him move around the room, confusion etched across her face. They are going to do this now?  She knew it was coming, but she expected things to go in a completely different order.

“I know.” She whispers, not making eye contact. Her demeanor showed her remorse.

“You know?” Tony asks in disbelief.

Feeling vulnerable laying naked before him, Ziva gets up and quickly dresses. Running a hand through her wild hair, she finally meets his eyes, seeing the anger in them. She takes a deep breath before beginning.

“I know you must be upset Tony. I know the past few weeks must have been difficult with everything that was shoved onto your plate. That is why I came here. I believe I owe you an explanation.”

“An explanation?” He scoffs. “You kept our daughter from me for two and half years. You apparently faked your own death and sent her to me without even a phone call. It better be one hell of an explanation, Ziva.”

“Tony please. Keep your voice down.” She pleads with him. “’Faking my own death’ as you put it, was not my doing. There was an opportunity, and we had to take it. Of course, I did not want you to find out this way. If Orli knew I was here…”

“This is all her doing then? Did she tell you to keep Tali from me as well?” He seethes.

“No, the opposite actually. Not telling you was my choice.” Her face falls again, wringing her hands to control her emotions.

“Why Ziva, why wouldn’t you tell me?” Tony questions exasperated at this point.

“Because I did not know how!” It was her turn to yell. She begins to pace the room. “What was I supposed to do, call you up and say, ‘Hey Tony, I know that I said wanted time to figure things out on my own, but I am pregnant, and I need you?’ That is not me!”

 “You’re right. It’s not, but I had the right to know you were carrying our child!” He shouts back. Her stubbornness breaks as she turns away from him.

“You do not understand.” She whispers. Tony begins to ask her what he doesn’t understand, but she holds her hand up to silence him. “When I found out I was pregnant with Tali, I was still dealing with everything. Leaving NCIS, the pain and hurt I had caused people, letting you go. I still was not alright, and when you went back to DC everything just seemed to go back to normal for you. You got a new team member who seemed to mesh seamlessly. You were dating. It felt like your life picked up without me right where you left off. I did not want to take you away from that.”

“That wasn’t your choice-” He starts, but she silences him once again.

“I know that, but I also knew what I needed to do in order to feel safe and secure with my child. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be a mother Tony, but when I found out I was pregnant I knew I did not want her to have the same childhood as I did. Never knowing when, or if, Abba would come home. Not being able to interact with him when he was home because he was either still working or too stressed and tired. Missing school because there was a threat against him which put my entire family in danger. I did not want that for our daughter, Tony.”

“I would have given it up in a second if that is what you wanted.” He responds, the contempt in voice beginning to fade.

“Would you? Think about it, Tony. If I had returned to U.S. and stayed home with Tali, would you really have left N.C.I.S?”

Tony knows she’s right. He wouldn’t have.

“And even if you did, you would resent me for making you leave the job you love. You needed to make that decision on your own, the same way I did.”

“You are probably right, but even so that did not give you the right to keep her from me.” He crosses his arms and turns away.

“You are right. It is a decision I shall regret to the end of my days.” She says softly, her eyes filling with tears.

The silence falls between them again as Tony stares out the window at the rain and thunder that color the evening sky. Ziva stands rooted in her spot, waiting for him to speak.

“So what now? You’re off to save the world on some secret Mossad mission and you need me to take care of her?” He questions with disdain.  

Thrown completely off guard by his question, Ziva’s face contorts with confusion. “What?” Is all she can muster before her fury sets in. “Is that what you think? That I sent you Tali for some mission?”

“I don’t know what to believe.” He says curtly when he turns to face her. “Hell, a few hours ago I thought you were dead. A few weeks ago, I didn’t think I was a father. A few months ago, I thought you were in Israel still trying to find yourself, but boy was I wrong! So, excuse me Ziva, if I really don’t know what I believe right now!”

He turns to stare out the window once more. Staring down at her hands, Ziva begins to wring them together in another attempt to reign in her emotions. After a few steadying breaths, she begins to tread lightly towards him. She stares at his profile from behind, committing it to memory as she had done so many times in the past, before enveloping him in a huge hug from behind. Tony tenses for a moment, expecting some form of pain as Ziva usually resorted to when she really needed him to listen. When all he felt was the warmth of her body pressed against his, he allowed his arms to overlap hers, his palms holding her in place.

“I cannot change the past Tony.” She croons softly in his ear, when suddenly the air shifts once more. Tony turns and wraps his arms around her and pulls her tightly against him.

“I thought I lost you.” He whispers to her, his voice breaking. His hands tangle themselves in her hair once more as the soft tears fall from his eyes. He kisses her chastely, and Ziva feels the wetness on her lips.

“I know.” She whispers to him, their foreheads pressed longingly together.

“I came looking for you.” He says firmly.

“I know.” She allows herself to smile and laugh. “Eshel told me. He said you vowed to search every end of the earth until you knew I was longer on it.”

“I did. I may have been inebriated at the time, but deep down I didn’t really believe you were dead. Just didn’t feel right. No body, no crime. I had planned to keep looking for you until…” His voice began to trail.

“Until? You decided to stop looking for me?” She pulled away to study his face.

“I would have spent the rest of my life searching if it meant one day I would find you, but Senior said something to me, and it just made sense.”

A small pain stabbed her heart at Seniors dismissal, but she wanted to know what prompted this, so she asked, “And what did Antonio DiNozzo, Senior, say to persuade you?”

“He reminded me of how it was when my mom passed, and while he didn’t literally look for her, he looked for in every figurative sense of the word. Alcohol. Drugs. Sex. Women. Money. It wasn’t until he stopped looking, stopped trying to fill that void, that he was able to heal, and in turn I was able to start to heal.”

Ziva stared into his emerald eyes. She had seen them so many times before, but now they carried a little more pain and a little less sparkle.

“I didn’t want that for Tali, so after doing some soul searching and losing it for a little while, I decided to let my desire to find you die in Israel. To leave your memory in peace.”

Ziva stared down at the floor, not realizing the emotions her death would bring about in her own inner being. Tears begin to fall down her cheeks as Tony cupped her chin.

“Hey,” he calls, breaking her from her reverie while he thumbs her cheek back and forth. “It didn’t work. Even here I still look for around every corner. I don’t think I would have ever stopped looking Ziva, not really.”

“I know.” She laughs once more. Looking up at Tony as he brushes her tears away, she begins to tell him the real reason for her visit. “I knew you would never stop looking, which is why I knew I had to come see you.”

Tony’s eyes bored into hers as he stood up a little straighter, realizing this was important.

“When I did my soul searching after my father’s death, I went to apologize to people to I had hurt in my time at Mossad as I had told you the last time we saw each other. It was in doing this, that I made my presence known to people who thought I was dead. People who wanted to hurt me because I had hurt them. By trying to right my wrongs, I instead put a target on my back, and possibly yours and Tali’s as well. When I realized I was pregnant, I stopped making these pilgrimages and focused solely on my health and well being for the baby. Tali was about 18 months old when Orli began to get word that someone was looking for me.”

“Who was it?” Tony questioned.

“I do not know.” Ziva responded shortly.

“Well, where are they?” He continued.

“I do not know that either.”  

“Well we have to tell Gibbs, and Abby and McGee can help too and-” Ziva cut him off by placing her hand over his moth before he could continue.

“Tony, that is what I am here to tell you. I do not want anyone’s help. I brought this upon myself and I will finish it myself. Your help is not necessary.”

“Ziva you are not going to do this alone, how many times do I have to tell you, you are not alone in-”

“TONY!” Ziva yells, cutting him off for the final time. “I know that I am not all in this world, but my world consists of people I love and I would like to keep it that way! If I wanted to put Tali in danger I would have kept her with me!”

The lightning strikes and it is almost as if it illuminates the lightbulb in Tony’s brain. Tali. How would they protect Tali? He quickly scans through the people in their lives that he could trust to keep her safe, but no matter how many solutions he came up with, Tali would never be safe because she was the one key to hurt them both. Ziva could almost see it click in his mind on why she came to the conclusion she needed to do this on her own.

“When Orli started to hear traffic that someone was looking to kill me, she helped me dodge them by having Mossad say my whereabouts where anywhere but where I was. I was spotted all over the globe, but when they figured out that all these leads came up with dead ends, they came looking for me in Israel. Orli found out only hours before the attack was set into motion. Luckily we had a contingency plan in place.”

Tony stared at her, sensing whatever she was about to divulge was very difficult for her. “I knew it was time for me to send Tali to the one person I knew would protect her the same way, if not more, than I would… and that person was you.”

Ziva buried her face into Tony’s chest as she began to sob uncontrollably. Tony could not imagine what it was like to have to say goodbye to their daughter. He had only known her for a few weeks, and he could not fathom spending more than a day without her. He held Ziva tightly, kissing her hair and whispering to her it was okay.

“That is why I am here Tony. I need you to promise me. Promise me that you will not come looking for me. Promise me that you will keep our daughter safe. Promise me that no matter what they say they will do to me, you will protect her at all costs.

Ziva began to sob again and all Tony could do to comfort her was to repeatedly say I promise as he held her close. Rocking her back and forth gently, his own tears began to stream down his face as he realized he would be saying goodbye to her once again.

“I don’t want to lose you. Not again.” He whispered to her hair. Ziva looked up to him through bloodshot eyes and smiled a soft smile.

“You will not lose me Tony. No matter where I am, I am always with you. That is why I sent you my necklace, to give you a sign that I am still here and I am still fighting, for us.”

Tony cannot help but kiss her. He cups her face as their lips touch, and he feels her breathing hitch. Grabbing her by the hips, he lifts Ziva up and she wraps her legs around his waist. He carries them back to the bedroom. Depositing her onto the bed, he climbs between her thighs and begins to kiss his way up her body. Reaching the top of her shirt, he begins to unbutton it slowly, making her watch with hesitation. Once he is done, he kisses her belly, silently wishing he had seen her pregnant. Ziva reads his mind and gives him a small sad smile, but he wipes it away with a deep kiss. They take their time with each other, teasing and tempting one another closer and closer to the edge. They make love for what seems like hours, wanting to savor every last moment together. Ziva rides him to their release, screaming Tony’s name and collapsing on his chest.

They lie there together, coming down from their highs when the air shifts one last time. The realization that she must go hits them like a ton bricks, and neither says anything in hopes that it will prolong their time with one another. Laying with her cheek pressed to his chest, Ziva begins to draw circular patterns on Tony’s left arm. His right-hand skates down to small of her back and begins to do the same. They lie there in silence enjoying the others touch, very well knowing it may be the last time they feel it.

After some time, Ziva comes to her senses and lifts her head just enough to say, “It is going to be light soon. I must get going.”

Tony instinctively wraps his arms around her to hold her in place. Even though he knew this was coming, it is still so hard to let go. “I wish you would stay.” He says softly to her hair.

“I cannot.” She says with great pain in her voice. We’ve been through this.

“I know.” He whispers.

When Ziva moves to get up, Tony lets go without hesitation. Feeling an immediate loss when he withdraws from inside of her, Ziva moves to sit at the edge of the bed for a moment. Letting out a large sigh, she begins to dress, locating each item of clothing strewn across the room. Tony follows suit, wanting to properly see her out. When they both are fully clothed, he takes Ziva between his arms and holds her. Kissing her hair, he vows to himself this will not be the last time he does this.

“Take care of our girl.” Ziva says as she looks up at him, and Tony kisses her deeply to confirm he will protect their daughter with his life.

Ziva eventually pulls away, her mission calling her to return to the safe house Eshel had set up for her. They do not exchange I love you’s or even goodbyes, because deep down they each know how the other feels and hopes this will not be the last chance to say to one another.

With her hand on the handle, Ziva takes one last look back at Tony, smiles, and says, “Hardest 180 of my life.” Before slipping through the door without a sound.

*-**-**-**-*

The next morning, Tony wakes to sunlight streaming through the windows, illuminating the room with warmth. After a quick shower he heads down the hallway to Senior’s room where Tali is playing with the blocks they bought her in Israel that have the Hebrew symbols. Senior has already ordered breakfast for the three of them and is preparing Tali’s pancakes when Tony walks through the door.

Was it all a dream?

When Senior smiles and asks, “Did you have a good night son?

Tony knows it couldn’t have been.

FIN