#taking notes from editors
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How to get the most out of editing
             I think most of you know by now that I give feedback on your work for free. Iâm also very busy and get a lot of requests, so often people have to wait a while before Iâm able to get to their work. So, itâs worth your while to make it worth your while! Hereâs how to get the most out of (any) editing.
1. Give them your âperfectâ version
Okay it doesnât actually have to be perfect, but you shouldnât have any issues in your manuscript that youâre aware of and know how to fix. Itâs not very helpful for anyone to have an editor comment on an issue you already know about. However, if thereâs anything youâre aware of but youâre really not sure how to fix, you can definitely ask your editor!
2. Come with purposeful questions
You should know before you send off your work the type of feedback youâre looking for, and some questions you have for your editor. Stray away from the âEnglish classâ type questions and focus more on what answers would actually help you in writing another draft. I considered asking my beta readers what title theyâd give my piece because I was super curious and didnât really like my title, but in the end I crossed out that question because as much as Iâd like to know, the title really didnât matterâI had more important things to ask them.
See a list of questions you could potentially ask here.
3. Be open to receiving feedback
As perfect and wonderful as you think your piece is, there probably is still room for improvement that you arenât seeing. Donât be surprised when your editor gets back to you and doesnât just say âgood job, everything is perfect.â Nickâs manuscript in New Girl is the one exception!
When you do get your feedback, donât respond right awayâlet it process until you can seriously consider each note. Ultimately, what you do with your notes is up to you, but thereâs no need to argue or try to explain things to your editor.
#writing#writers#writing community#creative writing#novel writing#novel readers#urban fantasy books#readers#book community#book readers#fanfic#fan fiction#fic community#writing advice#writing tips#writing help#receiving feedback#how to get the most out of editing#editing#taking notes from editors
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One of the last things that gets packedâ âright up there with the wifi router, the stuff for the bathroom, and Jackâs good pillowâ âis the calendar. Davey carefully peels it from itâs place of honor on the front of the fridge, almost the whole of April carefully x-ed out.Â
âThe 29th is on Friday,â he notes as he tucks it carefully away, smiling softly. âWe should try and do something.â
âDave, we are up to our ears in fuckinâ boxes,â Jack complains from his spot on the floor, giving an earnest attempt at becoming one with the carpet. âWe ainât gonna get our deposit back if we ainât outta here before the first.â
âYou were out of town on a contract last year and the year before that we both had the flu,â Davey complains. âItâd be nice if we could actually do something to celebrate.â
Itâs at this point that Jack realizes he has no idea what the fuck Daveyâs talking about.
âDave,â he says. âWhat the fuck are you talkinâ about?â
âThe 29th,â Davey says, like that alone is enough of an explanation.
âWhatâs so special about the 29th?â Jack asks.
Davey frownsâ . And not just his Jack, you dumbass frown, but the full-blown, pinched-mouth, brow-furrowed, Jack, this isnât funny, stop it frown that makes makes Jackâs heart want to shrivel up and die whenever itâs pointed his way.
So, Jack pivots. Hard.
âIâm kiddinâ,â he quickly assures him, pushing himself up on his elbows as his mind races for some kind of solution. ââCourse we can do somethinâ. Maybe dinner at that Italian place we saw on the corner? It looked like a nice joint.â
Daveyâs expression clears.Â
âGod, I would kill for some tiramasu,â he says wistfully.Â
âHopefully, it wonât come to that,â Jack laughs, relieved. âIâll call in the morning, see if they take reservations.â
âPerfect,â Davey says, with a beaming smile that makes Jackâs heart lurch for entirely different reasons. âItâs a date.â
âYeah,â Jack says weakly. âItâs a date.â
#newsies#javid#*editor's note#*the writing desk#bits & bobs#still very much a work in progress but from my Jack-doesnât-know-theyâre-dating fic#aka how deep a hole can Jack dig himself before Davey takes pity and pulls him out#the world may never know#Jack finds out he and Davey are dating bc he didnât want Davey to be mad at him#which honestly? mood
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Maybe living within a city within a video game will cure me
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#(takes a long drag from my old timey pipe) ah but what is the ratrace if not a life sim game? much to think about you see......#editors note: googled stardew valley to see if there was a more specific term than ''life sim''#and apparently stardew is classed as a life sim + rpg + strat game + FIGHTING GAME... ??? can someone speak on this..
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"ilia might be named after the Iliad" no. Ilia might be named after Ilia, aka Rhea Silvia, aka Servilia aka Aemilia, which were all names for the mother of Romulus and Remus. You know. The ones then raised by a wolf.
#*takes wiki editors gently in my hands* why would she be named after troy's final battle#she's the first girl from the hometown of the Link Who Leaves And Immediately Becomes A Wolf so i mean#i just feel like maybe you should look at other uses of the name in antiquity if you're trying to find a purpose for that being her name#note: yeah I'm much nicer to the independent zelda wiki editors than that of the fandom who shall not be named#with their rules both written nonsensically and enforced irregularly. hmph. anyway.#yeah i think ilia is named after the mother of the raised by wolf boys#just kinda seems like a connection that makes more sense than#'i dunno maybe she was named after the iliad? or elijah? cuz... names?'#and like to be clear it's totally possible she isn't named for what makes the most sense#but then we can just pretend that's what it was supposed to be#also it might be cute if her name is like Amilia but she likes the nickname better i dunno
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Anybody else feel like every movie and tv show that's come out for the past like 2 years has felt kind of unfinished
#EXCEPT everything everywhere all at once#that was good as hell and felt perfectly complete#but i feel that a lot of other stuff thats come out#even stiff i enjoyed like wendell and wild or the new spiderverse or glass onion or the new gomens season i guess#it felt like they skipped a step in editing. theres never been a time that ive felt more like i want to get my hands on a screenplay and#start crossing shit out and making notes? like . has there been an editor crisis#and let me say this is about stuff i Love. it feela unfinished but that doesn't mean i dont enjoy it#it just takes away from it a but when theres so much i feel should never have made it to the final cut
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not sure if I'm making this script better or worse but i'm definitely doing something to it
#in the uk working with script editors is a thing#which coming from working in the US confused me for a hot minute#they're like an in-between#in the US the producers just give me notes#but in the UK it seems like the script editor is the go-between#that's explaining it badly but also I think is indicative of the UK's approach to manners#anyway i got notes from my script editor and now I've gotta incorporate them and i can't decide how i feel about them#they're good notes but also i wonder if they take the script in a different direction#not a bad direction#but like I'm on the road to Cardiff and now they're trying to send me to Edinburgh
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I had this dream where my girlfriend/fiancĂŠ/newlywed wife (yknow usual wake-up fuzziness) and I went to go see a public college lecture as like a date or smth except her brother or smth was there but anyways I think it was about something anthropological but as it went on the presenter got more and more irate at us for some reason and towards the end he pulls out like a little Panda Express tub full of poisonous insects and parasites (like a poison jar or smth) and he starts getting mad at us saying we gotta break the curse or smth and I was like we ainât gotta do shit buddy, and we stormed out- after which we could hear the normal lecture continue as we left which went unexplained in normal dream fashion (I think we left her brother?) towards the end I started getting a little lucid I think because we went for gyoza and pork roast and everything was fine, but it ended with a friend from a discord server taking a picture of us and being like âlook who I saw at McDonaldâsâ
#editors notes- some notable things#I donât usually remember my dreams this one was so vivid I had to write it down#I do not have/want a girlfriend fiancĂŠ wife#I have never had gyoza and pork roast I only know it from that one screencap#the last note was technically a lie I have had them both just not together#that friend from the end while were like decent enough acquaintances arenât like close enough for me to dream about them in particular#even while Iâm awake my brain keeps telling me itâs a âclassic oomfie jokeâ even though I know for a fact itâs not#(the guy takes picture at McDonaldâs sometimes but like itâs never been as complex as the end of this dream was)
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Me in June: I think I can come to terms with being at least on the asexual spectrum I think that explains a lot about me and my experiences and...
Me now that the gladiator 2 trailer is playing on repeat at work:
#this is nothing dont mind me#ive been...unwell#letters from the editor#side note: ik i can still be on the ace spectrum and be attracted etc etc but...#ive been on and off the last few years on whether that label is accurate to my experience and the second i take that leap#suddenly it doesnt fit as well as i thought
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Taking Notes from Editors
I did a post on giving and receiving feedback, but now that Iâve been an editor for a little longer, Iâd like to do a follow up on taking feedback specifically from professional editors.
               While ultimately writers are the rulers of their work and can make the final decisions on it, there's a lot of growth in your manuscript to be found by trusting your editor and taking their notes. As an editor, itâs my job to make your work as good as it can possibly be. Itâs also my job to maintain your style and voice and make sure everything you do best shines the brightest.
               Weâve studied and practiced this goal. So the biggest thing I want to impart on you is:
1. Trust your editor
Go into the process with the mindset that you'll accept at least 85% of the edits your editor suggests. When another editor works on my writing, I accept about 95% of it, sometimes %100 (for shorter pieces).
Writers sometimes get hung up on the smallest changes an editor tries to make. Be careful not to be too precious, allow your work to be explored from a different perspective and lens.
You can always keep a separate doc that has your original piece, it doesnât go away or get ruined when an editor works on it. While it's your work in the end, it's helpful to go into it with an open mind. Often feedback you may have never considered is the key to really elevating your piece. Make some room for your editor's opinion and expertise, trust your editor.
2. Choose your battles
If you are going to reject a suggestion, I recommend it be something really worth going to bat for. Choose your battles, and choose only the biggest ones. You ultimately know your work best, so fight only for the stuff you believe is integral to keeping the same.
This will be an easier battle to win if youâve already accepted the vast majority of other suggestions. Does it really matter if your main characterâs name is Jolene or Veronica? Maybe not, so take that suggestion so you can afford to keep her queerness, or the subplot about her mother, etc.
But going back to the trust your editor idea, donât think about it as a battle. We are not on opposite sides, weâre both fighting for the same thingâto make your work the best it can be. Respectfully acknowledge a suggestion you donât like, give it a day or two to think on it, and then decide if thatâs something youâd really like to advocate for.
As an editor, when a writer has a solid justification for rejecting a suggestion it helps me understand their work better, and builds trust between us.
3. Itâs okay youâre not perfect
Sometimes as a writer receiving feedback, my impulse is to be embarrassed Iâve done something âwrongâ. Then, of course, I go to defend myself or justify it or attack. We donât like feeling threatened, and it can cause some high tempers and nasty disagreements in the editing world.
Itâs really important that you recognize that impulse to defend yourself, and choose not to react to it.
By that I mean, if you feel yourself getting defensive over a piece of feedbackâtake a deep breath, donât answer it right away. You donât need to explain yourself. Think on it for a bit, just try it out. See what happens when you make that change. If you still hate it, think about why. If youâre just rejecting it on impulse, youâre probably in that âdefendâ state.
               Youâre not being attacked, and youâre not a bad writer. Itâs okay if youâve made a decision that didnât land, or a mistake thatâs kind of embarrassing.
               As an editor, I can assure you that I donât judge my writers. Ever. When I make suggestions, itâs from a pure âjust trying to helpâ standpoint, and I really appreciate when my writers are open to my suggestions and ideas and accept or reject my suggestions with friendliness and grace.
  ��            Iâm not a super experienced editor in any way, but if anyone has any questions about the editing process, the job, or anything else about it, I will do my best to answer!
Next post we're going to talk about when to reject a suggestion or feedback because the editor/reader isn't always right. Follow to catch that when it's out!
#writing#writers#creative writing#screenwriting#writing community#writing inspiration#filmmaking#books#film#writing advice#editor ama#taking notes from editors#editing#receiving feedback#feedback#ama
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take a shot!Davey starts spending a lot of time hanging around Meddaâs theatre because itâs the closest he can get to being around Jack without actually being around Jack
#heâs seen her current show dozens of times#watching from the wings or from the spot on the catwalk Jack showed him back when he still had hope that they might become something more#the backdrops are always breathtaking no matter how long he stares at them#*editor's note#take a shot fic#is this relevant to the upcoming chapter? or is it just feelings Iâm having?#yes
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Discover the innovation behind Bob Dylanâs new Tennessee bourbon soak in both French oak and apple brandy barrels! Dive into the Heavenâs Door Exploration Series and savor unique flavor profiles crafted with meticulous triple cask aging. Perfect for whiskey enthusiasts looking for a smooth, enriched taste experience!
#Bob Dylanâs new Tennessee bourbon soaks in both French oak and apple brandy barrels. (Heavenâs Door) Bob Dylanâs highly respected Heavenâs D#Heavenâs Door has conceived this new line to play with new finishing methods for their craft whiskey#hoping to create innovative flavor profiles in limited-edition expressions. For now#Heavenâs Door aims to release two new bottles in the Exploration Series every year#with each âpushing the boundaries of innovation with new blends#secondary finishes#and intriguing staves.â So for their debut spirit in the series#Master Distiller Ken Pierce and Master Blender Alex Moore started with their highly regarded Heavenâs Door straight bourbon whiskey#aged for at least five years then finished that juice with a strong Gaulois twist. First they take casks from Normandy that soaked in delic#emptied them out#and replaced the juice with their own 5-year-old straight bourbon. Then they toasted some French oak staves to a medium-heavy brown and dum#oak and brown sugar from the toasted staves. âOur new medium-heavy toasted French oak staves bring forth balanced complexity and enhanced a#culminating in a dark color and a smoother#creamier mouthfeel#â Master Blender Alex Moore notes. â[It] provides a truly enriched flavor experience.â Despite its potency (bottled at 54% ABV)#Heavenâs Door Exploration Series I Calvados Cask Finish Tennessee Straight Bourbon Whiskey is not only sumptuous but also surprisingly smoo#with very little heat on the throat. $80 Follow Deputy Editor Nicolas Stecher on Instagram at @nickstecher and @boozeoftheday. Tags: bourbo#innovative flavor profiles#toasted French oak#medium-heavy brown
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âIf buying isnât owning, piracy isnât stealingâ
20 years ago, I got in a (friendly) public spat with Chris Anderson, who was then the editor in chief of Wired. I'd publicly noted my disappointment with glowing Wired reviews of DRM-encumbered digital devices, prompting Anderson to call me unrealistic for expecting the magazine to condemn gadgets for their DRM:
https://longtail.typepad.com/the_long_tail/2004/12/is_drm_evil.html
I replied in public, telling him that he'd misunderstood. This wasn't an issue of ideological purity â it was about good reviewing practice. Wired was telling readers to buy a product because it had features x, y and z, but at any time in the future, without warning, without recourse, the vendor could switch off any of those features:
https://memex.craphound.com/2004/12/29/cory-responds-to-wired-editor-on-drm/
I proposed that all Wired endorsements for DRM-encumbered products should come with this disclaimer:
WARNING: THIS DEVICEâS FEATURES ARE SUBJECT TO REVOCATION WITHOUT NOTICE, ACCORDING TO TERMS SET OUT IN SECRET NEGOTIATIONS. YOUR INVESTMENT IS CONTINGENT ON THE GOODWILL OF THE WORLDâS MOST PARANOID, TECHNOPHOBIC ENTERTAINMENT EXECS. THIS DEVICE AND DEVICES LIKE IT ARE TYPICALLY USED TO CHARGE YOU FOR THINGS YOU USED TO GET FOR FREE â BE SURE TO FACTOR IN THE PRICE OF BUYING ALL YOUR MEDIA OVER AND OVER AGAIN. AT NO TIME IN HISTORY HAS ANY ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY GOTTEN A SWEET DEAL LIKE THIS FROM THE ELECTRONICS PEOPLE, BUT THIS TIME THEYâRE GETTING A TOTAL WALK. HERE, PUT THIS IN YOUR MOUTH, ITâLL MUFFLE YOUR WHIMPERS.
Wired didn't take me up on this suggestion.
But I was right. The ability to change features, prices, and availability of things you've already paid for is a powerful temptation to corporations. Inkjet printers were always a sleazy business, but once these printers got directly connected to the internet, companies like HP started pushing out "security updates" that modified your printer to make it reject the third-party ink you'd paid for:
https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/11/ink-stained-wretches-battle-soul-digital-freedom-taking-place-inside-your-printer
Now, this scam wouldn't work if you could just put things back the way they were before the "update," which is where the DRM comes in. A thicket of IP laws make reverse-engineering DRM-encumbered products into a felony. Combine always-on network access with indiscriminate criminalization of user modification, and the enshittification will follow, as surely as night follows day.
This is the root of all the right to repair shenanigans. Sure, companies withhold access to diagnostic codes and parts, but codes can be extracted and parts can be cloned. The real teeth in blocking repair comes from the law, not the tech. The company that makes McDonald's wildly unreliable McFlurry machines makes a fortune charging franchisees to fix these eternally broken appliances. When a third party threatened this racket by reverse-engineering the DRM that blocked independent repair, they got buried in legal threats:
https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/20/euthanize-rentier-enablers/#cold-war
Everybody loves this racket. In Poland, a team of security researchers at the OhMyHack conference just presented their teardown of the anti-repair features in NEWAG Impuls locomotives. NEWAG boobytrapped their trains to try and detect if they've been independently serviced, and to respond to any unauthorized repairs by bricking themselves:
https://mamot.fr/@[email protected]/111528162905209453
Poland is part of the EU, meaning that they are required to uphold the provisions of the 2001 EU Copyright Directive, including Article 6, which bans this kind of reverse-engineering. The researchers are planning to present their work again at the Chaos Communications Congress in Hamburg this month â Germany is also a party to the EUCD. The threat to researchers from presenting this work is real â but so is the threat to conferences that host them:
https://www.cnet.com/tech/services-and-software/researchers-face-legal-threats-over-sdmi-hack/
20 years ago, Chris Anderson told me that it was unrealistic to expect tech companies to refuse demands for DRM from the entertainment companies whose media they hoped to play. My argument â then and now â was that any tech company that sells you a gadget that can have its features revoked is defrauding you. You're paying for x, y and z â and if they are contractually required to remove x and y on demand, they are selling you something that you can't rely on, without making that clear to you.
But it's worse than that. When a tech company designs a device for remote, irreversible, nonconsensual downgrades, they invite both external and internal parties to demand those downgrades. Like Pavel Chekov says, a phaser on the bridge in Act I is going to go off by Act III. Selling a product that can be remotely, irreversibly, nonconsensually downgraded inevitably results in the worst person at the product-planning meeting proposing to do so. The fact that there are no penalties for doing so makes it impossible for the better people in that meeting to win the ensuing argument, leading to the moral injury of seeing a product you care about reduced to a pile of shit:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/25/moral-injury/#enshittification
But even if everyone at that table is a swell egg who wouldn't dream of enshittifying the product, the existence of a remote, irreversible, nonconsensual downgrade feature makes the product vulnerable to external actors who will demand that it be used. Back in 2022, Adobe informed its customers that it had lost its deal to include Pantone colors in Photoshop, Illustrator and other "software as a service" packages. As a result, users would now have to start paying a monthly fee to see their own, completed images. Fail to pay the fee and all the Pantone-coded pixels in your artwork would just show up as black:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/28/fade-to-black/#trust-the-process
Adobe blamed this on Pantone, and there was lots of speculation about what had happened. Had Pantone jacked up its price to Adobe, so Adobe passed the price on to its users in the hopes of embarrassing Pantone? Who knows? Who can know? That's the point: you invested in Photoshop, you spent money and time creating images with it, but you have no way to know whether or how you'll be able to access those images in the future. Those terms can change at any time, and if you don't like it, you can go fuck yourself.
These companies are all run by CEOs who got their MBAs at Darth Vader University, where the first lesson is "I have altered the deal, pray I don't alter it further." Adobe chose to design its software so it would be vulnerable to this kind of demand, and then its customers paid for that choice. Sure, Pantone are dicks, but this is Adobe's fault. They stuck a KICK ME sign to your back, and Pantone obliged.
This keeps happening and it's gonna keep happening. Last week, Playstation owners who'd bought (or "bought") Warner TV shows got messages telling them that Warner had walked away from its deal to sell videos through the Playstation store, and so all the videos they'd paid for were going to be deleted forever. They wouldn't even get refunds (to be clear, refunds would also be bullshit â when I was a bookseller, I didn't get to break into your house and steal the books I'd sold you, not even if I left some cash on your kitchen table).
Sure, Warner is an unbelievably shitty company run by the single most guillotineable executive in all of Southern California, the loathsome David Zaslav, who oversaw the merger of Warner with Discovery. Zaslav is the creep who figured out that he could make more money cancelling completed movies and TV shows and taking a tax writeoff than he stood to make by releasing them:
https://aftermath.site/there-is-no-piracy-without-ownership
Imagine putting years of your life into making a program â showing up on set at 5AM and leaving your kids to get their own breakfast, performing stunts that could maim or kill you, working 16-hour days during the acute phase of the covid pandemic and driving home in the night, only to have this absolute turd of a man delete the program before anyone could see it, forever, to get a minor tax advantage. Talk about moral injury!
But without Sony's complicity in designing a remote, irreversible, nonconsensual downgrade feature into the Playstation, Zaslav's war on art and creative workers would be limited to material that hadn't been released yet. Thanks to Sony's awful choices, David Zaslav can break into your house, steal your movies â and he doesn't even have to leave a twenty on your kitchen table.
The point here â the point I made 20 years ago to Chris Anderson â is that this is the foreseeable, inevitable result of designing devices for remote, irreversible, nonconsensual downgrades. Anyone who was paying attention should have figured that out in the GW Bush administration. Anyone who does this today? Absolute flaming garbage.
Sure, Zaslav deserves to be staked out over an anthill and slathered in high-fructose corn syrup. But save the next anthill for the Sony exec who shipped a product that would let Zaslav come into your home and rob you. That piece of shit knew what they were doing and they did it anyway. Fuck them. Sideways. With a brick.
Meanwhile, the studios keep making the case for stealing movies rather than paying for them. As Tyler James Hill wrote: "If buying isn't owning, piracy isn't stealing":
https://bsky.app/profile/tylerjameshill.bsky.social/post/3kflw2lvam42n
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/12/08/playstationed/#tyler-james-hill
Image: Alan Levine (modified) https://pxhere.com/en/photo/218986
CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/
#pluralistic#playstation#sony#copyright#copyfight#drm#monopoly#enshittification#batgirl#road runner#financiazation#the end of ownership#ip
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my statistics professor is. requiring us to take notes in MICROSOFT EXCEL?!!?!?
#WHO TAKES FUCKING NOTES IN A SPREADSHEETS APPLICATION???!?!?#WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT?!?#THAT IS THE MOST OVERCOMPLICATED LEAST ACCESSIBLE LEAST HELPFUL LEAST EFFECTIVE WAY EVER?!?!?#i can understand requiring notes a little bit#even though i think it's stupid and not always helpful to make it a graded requirement of students#but forcing students to take notes a certain way? absolutely vile#students need to take notes in ways that are effective and make sense for them personally#and requiring students to take notes in MICROSOFT EXCEL?!? A SPREADSHEETS APPLICATION?!?!?#W H A T ? ! ? !#like. if you want to look back at your notes. you would have to click on the box bc it just cuts off and open up the editor to see it#spreadsheet boxes are meant for numbers equations and single words/phrases#and sentences only on occasion#and in the end should all go to the purpose of being a spreadsheet#who writes paragraphs as notes in excel spreadsheet boxes?!?!?#also confusing bc she have like. a specific premade thing we have to fill out (again awful for personal note taking) that has#several tabs#which is a confusing noghtmare#like. i am good at taking notes!! i write notes detailed enough to basically be the textbook! and it's all very neat!#and the act of physically writing things down and formatting it in ways that make sense to me help me remember!#i am not going to get that from this microsoft excel nightmare!!#unityrain.txt#vent in tags#rant in tags
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it was always you.
for as long as you remember, youâve always had the fattest crush on your childhood friend, jeon jungkook. it never blossomed into something more though, because thatâs what happens when life naturally takes it courseâyou grow up, you move on, and you pretend that those feelings never existed in order to maintain the good friendship that remained between the two of you over the years.
so when he visits you after work one day, asking you to marry him, you do everything you can to refuse, because the reason heâs asking you isnât due to the fact that he finally realized that he loved you after all this time, but because he thinks heâs doing you a big favor.
or at least, thatâs what you think.
pairing: jungkook x reader
word count: 13.2k
rating: 18+
content: fluff, semi-angst, childhood friends to lovers au, pining au | ft. naval aviator!jungkook + brotherâs best friend!jungkook; professor!reader + editor!reader | inspired by purple hearts
warning/s: swearing, potentially wrong medical & military information (iâm sorry but i tried to do as much research i can đ), mentions of having type 1 diabetes, making out, heavy petting, implied sexual content: oral (f. receiving), fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (this is only fiction!)
MINI PLAYLIST: ⍠die with a smile â lady gaga, bruno mars ⍠juno â sabrina carpenter ⍠selfish â *nsync ⍠nandito na ako â benj pangilinan, angela ken
opening note. omg this is my first full length fic in two damn years i think??? certainly took a long time before i had the motivation to write again but i hope y'all like this! to my og readers who still keep up with my shenanigans, this one's for you đĽšđ
âAny questions?â
A boy wearing half-rimmed glasses raises his hand and you gesture for him to speak. âCan we get an extension on the Save the Cat project due tomorrow?â
You sigh, just as several of your students begin agreeing with him and muttering reasons of their own why the extension should be approved. Itâs the week before finals, and youâre aware that the class must be packed with assignments and projects for several of their classes because of it, hence the rather last minute request. They look tired and pleading, a complete reflection of how you were when you were the one in their position nearly a decade ago, begging for an extension from a professor who you thought was kind enough to be swayed with the proposition.
You scan the crowd. âHow many of you are at least 70% with it, hm?â
More than half of the class raises their hands.
âOkay, thatâs honestly unexpected,â you say, pleased to know that they arenât slacking on your subject. âDoes Monday sound good? Thatâs three more days, to be fair. I donât want to extend it further because I have to read everyoneâs work and you guys know I donât like rushing it before turning in your final grade.â
A chorus of relief and thanks echoed in the room, all of your students either dramatically sinking in their chair or erupting in an animated conversation with their seatmate or making crying faces to portray how grateful they are.
âThank you so much, Ms. ____!â
âI love you, Ms. ____!â
âMs. ____, I will offer my first child to you,â one theatrically adds and you smile a bit, rolling your eyes at students like this one who is now opting to flatter you way too much for your act of kindness.
âAlright, alright. Just get it done and Iâm expecting quality work, okay? Class dismissed.â
The whole class begins to gather their things at the cue and you donât stay there a minute longer after your announcement, exiting the lecture hall to head to the faculty room where youâre certain half of the teaching staff have gone home already. Itâs already 8:47 p.m., and all you want to do is head home to get the rest you deserve after an eventful day.
There was a time that having a schedule from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. wasnât the norm for you. You used to value work life balance so muchâit was even a nonnegotiable you used to say in interviews, saying that if you didnât get enough rest within the week, then the job most likely wasnât for you. But things have been very different for the past months; you have definitely grown out of that mindset due to the fact that youâre simply in need of another source of income to pay for your monthly rent, utility bills, and now your medication. Youâre in a stage of your life wherein you consider working part time as a professor was a blessing rather than a big nuisance.
Making a right turn to where the hallway to the faculty room is, youâre too busy rearranging the papers inside the folder youâre holding to notice a man sitting on the bench placed just beside the entrance. He notices you the second you appear in his line of vision though; he straightens his posture and proceeds on standing up immediately upon seeing you closer, calling your name softly when you failed to look at his direction, too preoccupied with the thought of finally coming home that youâre oblivious that the man trying to catch your attention is Jeon Jungkook.
â____,â he calls again and this time you notice him, your eyes widening instantly.
âHoly shiââ You stop yourself from finishing that sentence. âJungkook?â
He grins. âHey, lamb chop.â
âWhat the hell are you doing here?â
âIs that how you greet an old friend?â
âOh, fuck off.â
He laughs, following suit to you whoâs already giggling just by his presence alone, outstretching his arms then. âYou gonna hug me or what?â
You beam and step forward to embrace him. He returns it without hesitation, muscular arms circling around you and squeezing tightly that it lifts you up from the ground for a quick second. The faint smell of fabric conditioner on his clothes enters your nostrils and you feel like a teenager again, warmth rushing to your face while your heart hammers loudly in your chest. Regardless of how old the both of you are, you think your hopeless crush on the guy will forever live on and constantly transform you into a middle school girl whenever opportunities like these to have him near arise. Youâre just happy youâve trained yourself to be better at hiding it now compared to when you were younger.
âArenât you supposed to be in base or wherever it is that youâre designated?â you ask, the first to let go from the hug.
âActually, I returned from deployment three days ago. Iâm on leave for two weeks.â
âWow. Two weeks, huh?â
âYep. Itâs the longest break Iâve gotten in a while.â
âThatâs good. Everybody needs a break from time to time.â
âSays the girl has a day job and a night job.â He points out with a smirk; your heart does a little leap at how handsome he looks doing that. âWhen the hell did you get into teaching, by the way? I never pegged you to be the kind who can tolerate it. You hate kids.â
âYouâll find yourself tolerating lots of things in this economy.â You snort. âAnd my students arenât kids. Theyâre in college.â
âYeah, which you graduated from six years ago. Still technically kids.â
âAre you seriously jabbing at my age when youâre two years older than I am?â
He rolls his eyes at that one, an indication that you won the argument. âAnyway,â he starts again and you grin, âI didnât come here to compare how old we areââ
âYou didnât?â
He sends you a look. Your grin gets even wider.
âIâm here because I was hoping to treat you to dinner.â
âDinner?â you repeat, not masking the surprise from your voice.
Letâs get the facts straight before we proceed to this conversation.
It isnât a lie when you say that you and Jungkook are great friends. You have been since you were 7 and your family just moved into the house next to theirs. He was a natural playmate, a companion when you couldnât tolerate the antics of your older brother, the boy who looked out for you aside from said older brother, and the person youâve shared significant history with throughout your youth that you can never seem to forget nor disregard.
Itâs just that you never deemed that you were great enough friends for him to go out of his way and visit you at your workplace, offering to treat you for dinner. Gestures like that were reserved for your older brother, Seowon, whoâs the same age as he is and who youâre sure is considered as his best friend. Compared to them, yours and Jungkookâs dynamic shifted slightly after graduating from college. What once was a really close friendship turned into a casual one, with mostly just teasing, light talks, and the occasional welfare checks at times you hear certain news from the other thatâs worth speaking directly about.
At the mention of that, realization dawns on you on why he must be here.
âJungkookâŚâ Youâre trying not to sound mad but you canât hide the exasperation from your voice. âThatâs not the real reason youâre here.â
âOf course, it is. Why else would I be here?â
âHe told you, didnât he?â you ask, not willing to drag this out. âYouâre just going to give me another lecture that I definitely donât need.â
Jungkook frowns, like heâs dismayed that you caught on pretty swiftly.
âIâm right, arenât I?â You pressed.
âHe meant well, ____.â
You scowl. To remark that Seowon is unnecessarily nosy and coddling would be an understatement. That man hasnât left you alone the second he was aware of your condition. Usually, whenever he gets into his âbig brother tendenciesâ, his girlfriend Winnie steps in and helps you lay him off your back. However, itâs different this time; no matter how much you reinstill your independence and insist that youâre fine, itâs like youâre talking to a wall.
âWhat exactly did you hear from him?â you query.
He seems hesitant in answering that. âThat you got diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.â
You wince.
âLook,â he steps forward towards you, âI wasnât going to bring it up unless you did, okay? Iâm just here because Iâm genuinely worried about you and I want to know how youâre doing.â
âIâm fine.â You murmur. âYou donât need to worry.â
âWorry doesnât vanish magically just because someone says so.â
âWell, it shouldâbecause Iâm fine.â
âYou sure? I heard that youâre struggling to buy insulin among other things youâre having a hard time paying.â
âFuck. Seowon told you that too? Thatâs private.â
âMy parents know. He just filled me in because he wants you to have as much support as you can get.â
âI donât need that. Iâm an adult. Iâve lived by myself for years. I can fend for myself just fine.â
âIt doesnât look like it from what Iâve been hearing.â
âAll youâre hearing is a warped and exaggerated version of the story told by Seowon who wonât listen to a word I say.â You huff. âIâm fine and Iâve been doing everything I can, alright? Iâm taking care of myself. Iâm going to the doctor whenever I need to. Iâm making ends meet, buying treatment for this goddamn disease and regulating my sugar levels all the fucking time. Why do you think Iâve been working two jobs for the past year? Itâs because Iâm doing everything I can to stay alive.â
Jungkook doesnât reply, he only remains gazing at you.
âIf youâre here to offer me money or whatever because of what he said,â you add, already embarrassed that you canât even look at him anymore, âthen I donât want it.â
âThatâs not what Iâm here for,â he says.
âThen are you really just here to treat me to dinner?â you question sarcastically.
He laughs and you dare return your eyes at him, catching him peering at you with a fond expression. âYes. Itâs my way of doing a welfare check.â
âWelfare check.â You echo with squinted eyes. âWell, in that case, here I amâalive and healthy.â
âI can see that, and Iâm glad.â He smiles. âBut I need more than just seeing you. I need a conversation and an apology.â
âAn apology?â
âFor being the last person to know about your condition.â
âAnd weâre still talking about that apparently.â You mutter under your breath. âSorry. I didnât think that you wanted to know.â
âOf course, I would have wanted to know. Itâs you weâre talking about here.â
Something about how he said you causes your lips to twitch as you fight off a smile. This isnât a good time to dive into your romantic feelings for your childhood crush, but when heâs letting go of lines like that which are sure to have your heart soaring out of your chest, itâs hard to keep on a cool and unfazed facade. You just convince yourself that he sees you as a little sister and thatâs why heâs so worried; you should already be past your âdeluluâ phase at this age to be affected by such statements.
âI didnât want to add to your worries,â you reason. âYou already have your life to think about. Add to the fact that youâre a naval aviatorâso you literally have your own life first to think about.â
âI can make space for you.â
Is he flirting? Is this a normal thing to say between friends?
You blink. âOkay, uh, thatâs⌠thatâs completely up to you, I guess.â
âI just like knowing those things first hand. It makes me worry less.â
âGot it. Next time I learn Iâm dying, Iâll tell you.â
â____,â he says your name in warning, and you know heâs serious.
âSorry.â You heat up. âI couldnât resist.â
âDonât be a pain in the ass.â
âI promise thatâll be the last time I make a dark joke, Lieutenant.â
Jungkookâs nostrils flare. You prevent yourself from grinning like a fool again in success of getting on his nerves.
âAre you done here? Because Iâm hungry and would really like to get going now.â He changes the subject and gestures to the faculty.
âYeah. Iâll just get my things and then I can get out of here.â
âGreat. Youâre letting me take you to dinner, right?âÂ
âDo I have a choice?â
âNo.â
âFine.â You deadpan.
This time, heâs the one whoâs beaming at you. âIâll wait for you here and we can go.â
âOkay.â
****
When Jungkook discovered that you had type 1 diabetes through a phone call with Seowon, he spent the rest of the night staring at the ceiling, ignoring the snores of his squadmates and overthinking whatâs supposed to happen to you now that you had an autoimmune disease which he was told didnât have a cure. He was assured that you were okay despite it, that there was medication to treat it, and that you had access to them and have been very careful with your lifestyle due to the diagnosis ever since.
He still couldnât be put to ease though. As ridiculous as it may sound, he had this overwhelming realization that life truly was short, that you had to make certain decisions all the time because you need to adjust to what the universe is only willing to give you. It was funny coming from a person who risked his life for a living. He thinks that perhaps he never understood the philosophy of the quote âtime is goldâ until he had a loved one on the same trajectory, always one step closer to possible death.
And so that same night, he decided to file a leave for two weeks, effective immediately after his deployment.Â
He wasnât sure what his game plan was exactly in filing that two-week leave. Was he supposed to barge in your life and force you to let him take care of you? Was he supposed to demand why you ended up having diabetes? Was he supposed to act as a big brother like your actual big brother because he was that worried about you? But if Jungkook was going to be truthful, he already had an idea on what he wanted to do in the back of his headâhe just didnât want to execute it because it was absolutely insane.
Until he heard Seowon suggest it himself when they met up at a bar to share a drink together.
âShe would never say yes,â Jungkook said, beyond doubt that you wonât be persuaded that easily with a plan like that.
Seowon made a face. âI know. That girl is so hyper independentâsheâd rather die than accept help.â He scoffed. âShe needs it though. Itâll help with her medication and she wonât have to pay rent for that shit apartment sheâs living in. Plus, she'll actually get the chance to take care of her body if sheâs not juggling two jobs to have sufficient income.â
âYouâre right.â Jungkook shrugged.
âYouâll do it then?â
He took a sip of his beer. âYeah. Iâd do anything for ____, you know that.â
âEven as crazy as marrying her?â
âSure.â
Seowon stared at him, narrowing his eyes and morphing his expression into a teasing one. âAre you sure youâre not just considering this because itâs a perfect excuse to marry my sister? I know you like her.â
âI donât like her.âÂ
âYouâre in love with her.â
âI donâtââ Jungkook began to deny but Seowon was staring him down. âFuck you, man. Donât make me some kind of pervert whoâs trying to lock her into marriage because he likes her. Youâre the one who brought the idea up.â
Seowon laughed out loud. âI know, I just canât believe youâd agree. Itâll benefit ____, thatâs for sureâyou, on the other hand? Itâs career suicide.â
He shrugged. âIâm okay with the thought that sheâll be okay.â
âBecause you love her, man.â Seowon pushed. âWhy on earth would you consider this if you werenât? Itâs a fraudulent marriage. Youâll be thrown in the brig and be dishonorably discharged if you get caught.â
âWe donât even know if sheâll agree to this whole thing. You said it yourself, she would never say yes.â
âYeah, unless maybe youâre the one who tries to persuade her.â
âMe?â
âYes.â
âDo you want me to buy her a ring and kneel down before her or something?â
âThat can work.â
âWhat?â Jungkook laughed.
Seowon raised an eyebrow. âDonât tell me you donât know how sheâs been crushing on you since we were kids.â
He barked out a laugh again. That he knew; it was impossible not to when a lot of friends and cousins kept on teasing you before, especially at instances Jungkook was in the very same vicinity. âWeâre not kids anymore and I barely see her though.â
âStill, it ought to count to something. It raises the chances of her agreeing.â
âYouâre really cool with me marrying your sister, Won?â Jungkook asked.
Seowon placed down the beer bottle heâs consuming on the counter. âYeah. Youâre a good guy. Youâre not perfect, but I know you enough to know that you wonât do anything that will purposely hurt her. Besides, if this sham marriage ends up to be a real relationship and then for some reason, you fuck up and decide to break her heartâIâll easily know what to do, where to find you, and then Iâll do everything I can to fuck you up.â
Jungkook pressed his lips together to stifle a chuckle.
âNoted.â
****
Itâs always been a big wonder to you how no matter how long itâs been since you saw each other, it still feels like no time has passed between you and Jungkook. You think thatâs why you can never get over him; he always had this comforting and familiar aura that you appreciateâsomething that you sought for in every other person that you liked. Maybe it was impractical, maybe it was the reason you can never hold a relationship for more than two years, but unless you gain the courage to confront your feelings and tell Jungkook about it, then you constantly dispel any doubts you might have whether this was good for you or not.
You donât want to lose him. Admitting that you harbored romantic feelings for him would just make it awkward for everyone: your brother, your family, and then his family. You donât think you can ever trade his smile, the sound of his laughter, and all the good things about him for anything in the world.Â
âAre you dating anyone?â he asks.
You choke on your drink, having just poured yourself and Jungkook a glass of water after the server arrived with the pitcher. Youâre in a Japanese restaurant near the university, aware that the cuisine was a favorite for the both of you hence why itâs what you recommended when he asked where you wanted to dine. The place is packed with people from the workforce and students; youâre thankful that you donât see any of your students within the mix.
âWeâre getting straight to it, huh?â you say.
Jungkook smirks. âIâm just making sure Iâm not upsetting a boyfriend by meeting you tonight.â
âDonât worry, youâre not upsetting anyone.â
He nods in understanding. You donât want to add more meaning to his actions for the evening but he seems glad about the information.
âHow about you?â you ask back. âAre you dating anyone?â
The ends of his mouth lift a bit upwards. âNope.â
âWhy? You donât have the time for it?â
âPrecisely.â
âIt must be really hard dating when youâre in the Navy then.â
âKinda. Weâre away a lot and stationed in different places most of the time. It can get really dangerous for us too and people donât like the stress that comes with that.â
 You bob. âDoes it get lonely?â
âSometimes, but when youâre on duty, you donât get to think about those things.â He chuckles. âBesides, I donât know if this sounds fucked up or notâbut it can get exciting. Flying a plane can be fun, you know. Not to mention that it helps when youâre surrounded by good men in your squadron.â
âYouâve always been an adrenaline junkie.â
âAnd youâve always been a scaredy-cat.â
You scoff at the declaration. âNo, Iâm not.â
âRemember when Seowon and I forced you to ride that ship in the amusement park that sways left to right and as it goes on it falls from a higher standpoint?â
âI donât know what youâre talking about.â
But you do, and Jungkook knows you do, itâs evident by how your expression is trying to feign innocence. That memory is your villain origin story; the whole pretext of why you refuse to ever visit the amusement park or ride an exhilarating ride again. Yet you canât help but recall that itâs one of the rare instances wherein you got to hold Jungkookâs hand when you two were younger, as his hand was the one you were clinging for dear life when it happened while the other was too busy slapping Seowon in irritation.
He snickers, appearing like heâs replaying the scene in his head. âWe should do that again with Seowon during my break.â
âHell no.â
âI thought you werenât a scaredy-cat?â He challenges.
âIâm not.â You give him a kittenish glare. âBut I am busy. I have to send the final manuscript of this book Iâm editing to the chief editor next week and itâs about to be finals week for my students as well.â
He fakes a shiver. âI donât know how you can do two jobs like that, ____. Truly.â
âYou work as a naval aviator so Iâd say weâre pretty even.â
The waiter arrives with your orders not long after, and you and Jungkook carry on with your conversation, jumping from topic to topic without difficulty. Youâre not certain when was the last time you saw each other like this to have so much to talk aboutâwas it last Christmas? Or was it more recent or longer than that? Nevertheless, it feels good and you find yourself blushing multiple times throughout the night, whether itâs because of how his words can have two meanings or how his eyes are staring at you so intensely whenever youâre the one whoâs talking.
You like the undivided attention, the back and forth thatâs occurring as you discourse, the subtle touches one of you does when something funny arises, how your knees are touching underneath the table. You wonder whatâs so different with this encounter that the energy feels so bizarre in a good way? As far as youâre concerned, youâre positive that youâre acting like you always have in his presenceâlively, smiley, sarcasticâand aside from the little touches of flirting here and there, Jungkookâs acting like he always has too.
When dinner was done, Jungkook offered to drive you home. You obliged, no longer in the mood to annoy him for you were tired to make the effort. Before stepping outside the restaurant however, you excused yourself to the restroom first, checking your blood sugar with the glucose meter you brought along wherever you went. Itâs a hassle but itâs necessary, largely because youâre still in the middle of saving up for the insulin pump that would help you regulate your sugar levels easier.
After administering yourself with the insulin injection you have, you spend a few more seconds inside the enclosed room. You should be past the point of feeling sorry for yourself, but itâs times like this wherein youâre with a loved one that the dejection hits and you wish that youâre in a better predicament than you are right now. Youâre close to being broke, youâre overworked, youâre somehow fatigued all the fucking timeâthose factors arenât soothing your worries at all. Itâs a miracle how you manage to keep an optimistic mind amidst everything.
âReady to go?â Jungkook smiles at you once youâre back at the table and you nod, clutching your bag tighter against your body and following him to his car.
He drives you to your place, turning the radio on, and letting it play while the both of you sit in silence. Youâre both tired and you almost even sleep during the ride. Itâs only when Jungkook gently shakes you awake that you realize that youâve arrived in front of your apartment building.
âIâll walk you up,â he insists as youâre unbuckling the seatbelt.Â
âThatâs no need, Kook.â
âOf course, it is,â he says. âIâll walk you up. Thatâs nonnegotiable.â
So, you allow him.
It takes five minutes tops to reach the door leading to your apartment. As you rummage through your bag to grab your keys, Jungkook patiently stands there, occasionally glancing around the hallway and even smiling when the old lady that resided in the same floor got out of her room to throw out the trash. He receives a smile in return which you notice and grin fondly at.
âWell, this is me.â You turn to him, done unlocking your door. âIâd invite you inside but you should probably get going. Itâs quite a long drive back home.â
âYeah.â He breathes out a chuckle. âHey, tonight was fun. It made me realize how I missed you.â
Your brain temporarily malfunctions; you force yourself to recover quickly. âMe too. I had fun tonight. Maybe we should do this again whenever youâre on a break.â
âAgreed.â
You flash him a smile. âYou can go now. Goodnight.â
Jungkook nods, however doesnât move a muscle. Heâs looking at you, like really looking at you, his eyes moving from one feature to another, as if heâs memorizing your face or having a hard time arranging the words he wants to say. You guess itâs the latter, familiar with a tongue-tied Jungkook that it takes you a few good seconds before youâre demanding why heâs impersonating a mannequin.
âThereâs something I want to say,â thatâs what he utters and you almost snort due to your assumption being right.
âOkayâŚâ The smile is still on your lips. âWhat is it?â
âPromise me you wonât get mad first.â
âWell, if youâre making me promise that then itâs probably worth being mad about.â
âItâs not as bad as you think.â
âThatâs not convincing at all.â
âItâs justâŚâ He begins and trails, biting his lower lip, âitâs⌠itâs why I went here. Why I went here to see and meet you, I mean.â
You unconsciously recoil at the revelation. Itâs certainly a rookie mistake to believe that there was no ulterior motive in Jungkook meeting you today. You just didnât reckon youâd actually be truly disappointed at thatâat the idea that he just didnât randomly decide to visit and be with you earlier until now.
You draw a long breath. âWell, I knew you werenât just feeling generous and wanted to treat me to dinner out of nowhere.â
Thereâs a pause and then he resumes. âJustâbefore I say it, you have to hear me out, okay? You have to let me explain before you berate me.â
âI canât promise that either.â
âYou have to.â
âWhy do I have to?â
âBecause what Iâm about to say is for your own sake. You know I always have your best interest at heart, donât you?â
You wrinkle your forehead in further confusion. âCan you just get on with it? The vagueness is making me more annoyed.â
âI just donât want you to misunderstand.â
âMisunderstand what?â
âWhat Iâand Seowonâgenuinely think is the best option.â
âOh, and Seowon is in on this too?â You bellow. âHave you and Seowon just been conspiring behind my back the whole time?â
âCalm down.â Jungkook puts his hands on your shoulders, a chuckle inevitably escaping him. âIâm sorry for dragging it out. You should know Iâm high key afraid of you, thatâs why.â
âYou should be.â You grumble.
Another chuckle, but heâs back to appearing anxious. You want to shout that this isnât healthy, that youâre close to giving him a real reason to be afraid of youâyet once he blurts the confession out, youâre speechless, gawking at him and staggering backwards in complete shock. Perhaps you would have bolted as far away from him as possible if not for his solid grasp.
âWhat?â You hiss.
He swallows hard.
âI want you to marry me, ____.â
You donât bolt away running. You shake off his hold on you though, and before he gets another word in, youâre hastily rushing inside your apartment and slamming the door to his face.
****
Jungkook was your first kiss.
It happened in a game of truth and dare. You were at a party of a mutual friend and when the bottle miserably pointed in Jungkookâs direction, the person who was tasked to think of his dare when it was his pick said that he dared him to do 7 minutes in heaven with you.Â
He profusely refused at first, especially since Seowon was in the same party, but everybody began booing and next thing you know, Jungkook was agreeing as long as it was fine with you. When you nodded to make your consent apparent, your friends were quick to shove you both in the closet, some of them pulling Seowon back who was complaining how it wasnât right to bully you into doing 7 minutes in heaven with Jungkook. They calmed him down once they bullied him into agreeing too.
âWe donât have to do anything,â Jungkook told you in the darkness, his breath fawning over your face. âYou donât have to feel pressured. Itâs just a stupid game.â
You blushed.
Secretly, you were hoping that heâd kiss you or touch you. Who didnât want to do anything with their crush at the age of 15? A lot can happen in 7 minutes. You were aware that sometimes people made out, went as far as third base, and although you didnât want to go that far with Jungkook, you wanted something to happen while you were stuck in this small closet with him. There werenât a lot of instances that put both of you in this kind of situation; you wished that you were brave enough to ask him to kiss you or do the first move yourself.
5 minutes in, Jungkook turned towards you.
âIs it true that Taehyung kissed you last week?â
You whipped your head so fast that you might have given yourself whiplash. âThatâsâthatâs not true. Where did you hear that?â
âDuring homeroom. Some girls were talking about it.â
Your cheeks burned. âOh.â
âSo, itâs not true?â
âNo.â You shook your head. âI havenât even had my first kiss yet.â You laughed weakly.
It was his turn to seem stunned. âYou havenât had your first kiss yet?â
You shook your head again, then realized he might not see you doing so. âNot yet.â
âWant me to change that?â he asked, grinning.
He said that with a boyish grin and teasing tone, but you sucked at social cues (plus, you really couldnât see shit that much) that you started nodding.
âOkay,â you told him.
âHuh?â
âYou can kiss me.â
âOh, oh, shitâI didnâtââ He was blabbering, about to take back what he offered. âI mean, I was just joking butââ
You widen your eyes. âYou were? Oh my God, Iâm sorry, I thought you wereââ
âNo, it was my fault. That was a little out of line for me. Iâm sorry.â He was laughing and you felt like burying yourself 6 feet under. âIt was a stupid thing to say. But if you want me to kiss you, itâs cool.â
âIt is?â Hope sparked within you.
âYeah. Itâll just be a peck anyway.â You can tell he was smiling through his voice. âJust donât tell Seowon because he might punch me in the face for kissing his sister.â
You cackled. âDeal.â
56 seconds before the 7 minutes were up, Jungkook leaned down to match your level and placed his lips on yours.Â
****
Youâre seething with rage, the embodiment of Godzilla, channeling the God of War, Ares, in your body; you harshly press Seowonâs number on your phone to call him and he answers after three rings.
âWhatâs up?â
âI will fucking murder you,â you snarl.
A beat. You hear shuffling. Then he answers, âyou already talked with Jungkook?â
The nonchalance and calmness in his voice drives you to be more frustrated than you already are. âYes, I have! What is wrong with you? Why would you plant that idea on his head?â You yell, not caring that your walls are thin and that your voice can probably be heard by the couple that lived next door. Youâre feeling a mixture of anger, embarrassment, and every negative emotion that exists at the moment. Youâre comparable to a bull who just saw the color red.
â____, it wonât be a big deal if you donât make it to be.â
âAre you hearing yourself right now?â
âDid you even let Jungkook explain?â
âI donât need him to spell everything out. I know why heâs asking me to marry him.â
âThen you know too that itâd be good for you.â
âMarrying him wonât be good for me.â
âWhy not?â
âIt just wonât!â
âYouâll get health insurance benefits that you donât get with your current jobs. You can pay less rent once you move in at Jungkookâs placeâthereâs a huge chance he wonât even let you pay him while you stay there too. Heâs away most of the time anyway, so staying there wouldnât be a problem. Plus, you can start studying for a masters degree like youâve always wanted.â
You groan. âNot like this. This is crazy.â
âThe both of you can divorce once youâve saved up a little. It really isnât that complicated.â
âItâs a sham marriage!â
âItâs a sham marriage with Jungkook.â
âThat doesnât make it better.â
âAre you sure? Your grade school diary might disagree.â
âOh my God, thatâs fucking low of you to bring that up. You just gave me another reason to hate you.â You stomp around the living room, acting like a teenager because of your brotherâs behavior. This isnât the first time he revealed that heâs read your diary before; that doesnât mean itâs less infuriating to be reminded that he has. âI swear, you better fucking sleeping with one eye open tonight. Iâm choking you to death.â
Seowon laughs out loud. âJust marry him. Heâs surprisingly amicable with the idea.â
âThatâs because youâre pressuring him! I bet you and Mom devised this entire thing together.â
âMom doesnât know. To be fair, sheâd probably have the same reaction as you. Itâs all me and Jungkook.â
âWow. You have two brains and yet none of you thought this was goddamn stupid?â
âItâs not stupid. Itâs genius if you come to think of it,â he says. âJungkook just wants to help you, dude. He wants to make sure youâll be okay and all that shit. Youâre the reason he filed for a two-week leave, did he tell you?â
Your heart does that jumping thing again. âNo.â
âWell, he did. Heâs on a break for two weeks because he wants to convince you to marry him and actually marry you within that time frame.â
âThis is nuts.â You sigh, finally flopping down the sofa and rubbing your face with your free hand. âThe both of you are nuts. How are you okay with this?â
âItâs Jungkook. I trust him. Donât you?â
âOf course, I do, I justââ you cut yourself off and frown, âI just feel like itâs unfair for him. Iâm marrying him because of military spouse benefits and what does he get?â
Thereâs a long pause, and you almost check your phone to see whether Seowon has already hung up on you or not.
âItâs better that Jungkook answers that question,â he tells you finally.
âWhy? You canât answer it on behalf of him?â
âSomething like that.â You can imagine him shrugging. âAll I know is that heâs genuinely concerned about your health and your financial status right now. So, just think about it, okay?â
âGod, fuck it, fine. Iâll think about it.â You grimace.
You hang up and glance at the door.
You donât think the conversation you just had with Seowon took that much time. The initial rush you had upon having your longtime crush propose to you is wearing off and youâre realizing that it was a dick move to literally slam the door right in Jungkookâs face earlier, leading you to stand up from your seat and look through the peephole to check if heâs still there.
He isnât, which you sigh in relief at.
As you lean against the door and regulate your breathing, you think how funny it is that Seowon is right about one thingâand that was grade school you would have been delighted at the thought of getting married to Jungkook. Heâs your dream guy; your parents loved him, his parents loved you, the both of you got along very well, and his personality and looks are everything that youâre looking for in a partner. It sucks that you live in a world where the only reason he wants to marry you is because heâs afraid youâll die because of self-neglect.Â
Your phone pings and you unlock the screen to look at the message that flashes on it.
Jungkook: hey, seowon just messaged me to say that you two already talked Jungkook: iâm sorry for jumping on you with a topic like that⌠Jungkook: iâm shit at confrontation lol Jungkook: also itâs the first time iâm proposing so give me some slack
You scoff at his audacity to joke about it this soon.
You: itâs okay You: iâm sorry too for what i did You: the answer is no btw
Jungkook: already??? Jungkook: letâs talk about it first
You: no need You: i donât want to marry you
Jungkook: oof thatâs harsh
You: sorry not sorry?
He doesnât respond and you think youâre safe. Maybe Jungkook does take no for an answer and youâre confused because youâre a little disappointed that heâs not falling on his knees, begging you to marry him like what your imagination is supplying you.
However, after you took a shower and went to check your phone again, you see that Jungkook messaged you a few minutes ago in response to your last message.
Jungkook: give me 10 days and iâll change your mind
You have the urge to go take a shower again because of how hot your body is feeling at the statement.
You: hate to break it to you but youâre not matthew mcconaughey
Jungkook: đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł
****
Itâs not part of Jungkookâs branding to chase a woman. Typically, women chase him; they chase him in every city and country that he gets stationed in, flirting with him and hoping that theyâll get the chance to take him home for the night for a mindblowing one-night stand. They never succeed though, for despite their pretty faces and sultry gestures, Jungkook only smiles and declines every offer, saying that he had a girl waiting back home that he loved very much.
He used to think that he only used that as an excuse because heâs not the type to hook up with every attractive girl he meets. There are times when he succumbs, when he gives into the temptation of a little fun, especially after a life threatening or highly stressful missionâbut most of the time, he thinks he declines and use that pronouncement of his because his mind reverts him to the idea of you, to what would happen if he just gained the balls to ask you out.
Evidently, although asking you out and asking you to marry him are two completely different things, heâs a bit afraid that your answer will always be a hard no. Itâs what youâve been literally spelling out to him since the day he presented the idea, regardless of how heâs trying his best in swooning you or explaining how this is the perfect plan to help you gain an upper hand with your diagnosis.
âIâll file a restraining order against you, Iâm serious,â you say to him when he appears yet again outside the faculty room, waiting for you to gather your things and head home. Youâre wearing a white button up shirt and pinstripe wide leg trousers, an outfit combination that he ogles at before he goes down to business.
âYou wouldnât.â He glares at you. He gestures for you to let him take your backpack, and despite what you said, you let him. âAlso, what the fuck is in this thing? Youâll break your back if you keep using this.â He swings your backpack on one shoulder.
You laugh. âMy laptop, its charger, a couple of notebooks, books, pens, then the outputs of my students.â
âArenât they supposed to submit virtually? What happened to Google Classroom?â
âI still use it, but sometimes I like to have their work printed out so I can write the comments better. How do you know Google Classroom?â
âI have a squadronmate whose kid uses it for class.â
âAh.â You nod in understanding.
You two continue walking forward.
This has been your program for the past few days. Jungkook goes to the university you work at, heâll wait outside, youâll threaten him with something ridiculous, heâll take your bag, heâll offer to take you to dinner, youâll decline, and then heâll drive you home anyways. Before that routine ends, heâll lean on your door frame and give you his best puppy eyes, asking you to marry him for the sake of your welfare, and youâll scowl at him, insisting that you donât need his help to survive.
âDinner?â he asks, right on schedule.
You glance at him. âNo. I want to go home and sleep for 12 hours.â
âBusy day?â
âYep.â
âYou know, if you marry me, you wonât have to work two jobs and overexert yourself.â
He doesnât need to turn to you to know that youâre giving him a dirty look. âI wonât marry you, Jungkook.â
âWhy not?â
âBecause marriage doesnât work that way.â
âIt does. Billionaires do it all the time. The mafia does it too. Itâs always been some kind of transaction.â
âWell, if I marry you, what do you get?â
âThe assurance youâre taken care of.â
âThatâs cheesy.â
You share a laugh and he grins.
âItâs true,â he says. âIâll be fine as long as you are.â
He waits for you to quip back a reply, flickering his eyes to you when it takes longer than usual. Instead of the sneer heâs expecting, you appear to be flustered, an expression that is very recognizable for him whoâs known you since foreverâan expression that makes it too obvious for Jungkook that the crush you had on him that he thought has been long gone was still there. Heâs been seeing it a lot lately, particularly when heâs uttering lines that sound flirtatious on purpose; heâs positive that youâll threaten to kill him when you discover that he basks on the fact that he can still make you all flustered and cute, which encourages him to do and say anything that would elicit a reaction from you. Was it unethical to seduce you into marrying him? He might have to rethink that part too.
Reaching the parking lot, he unlocks the doors to his vehicle and places your bag inside the backseat. He watches you walk around the car, about to go to the passengerâs side, but then you wobble a bit and his attempt to get inside is instantly forgotten.
âHey,â he strides to where you are, gazing at you as you now hold onto the hood, âyou alright?â
You raise your chin up. âKook, can you get my bag?â
Jungkook doesnât need to be told twice. Heâs swinging the door again and getting your bag from the other end of the backseat while you get on the passengerâs seat, keeping the door wide and placing your legs outside, your feet planted on the concrete.
âWhat do you need?â he asks, crouching in front of you and zipping the bag open.
âGlucometer.â
He halts. âWhat does that look like?â
âItâs in the yellow bag. There.â You point at it right when he rummages through a certain part.
He brings it out and you take it from his grasp. Your movements are sluggish but he can discern that youâre doing your best not to be too slow; heâd present to help but he knows that he might prolong what youâre doing due to his cluelessness, so he just observes, noting how youâre pricking your finger with a device and then pressing it lightly to the glucometer which shows that your blood sugar is low.
âApple juice,â you mutter to him and he finds it faster than the last one.
You grab the juice pouch from his grasp, prying the straw attached on the back, pushing its end for it to pop out of its plastic coverâthen your hand shakes, preventing you from continuing and punching in the straw properly.
âLet me do it,â he says.
You donât fight him, you just slump against the seat as Jungkook picks up from where you left, and the moment he does the job and guides the straw to your awaiting lips, a long exhale through your nose escapes you.
âHow are you feeling?â he whispers. He didnât notice that he was holding his breath the entire duration of the scene.
Another sigh. âBetter.â
âDoes this happen a lot?â
You seem to hesitate. âNot a lot. Just when life gets a bit too hectic.â
â____ââ
âJust take me home.â You donât give him the chance to lecture you. âPlease, Jungkook.â
Defeated, he nods. âAlright.â
âThank you.â
He helps you position yourself properly on the passengerâs seat. âBut weâre talking about this at your place.â
Before you can protest, he closes the door.
****
Lee Hyunwoo was the name of the guy that you brought home for Christmas Eve eight years ago. It was the first time that you did, and Jungkook hated how Hyunwoo was considerably handsome, intelligent, and kindâthe exact kind of person he always imagined you deserved.
In the short time Hyunwoo spent with theirs and your family that night, everybody loved him and was already inviting him to the next gathering, all the while Jungkook avoided him at every cost, puzzled by this strong dislike he was feeling for your guest. He was annoyed at the manner in which Hyunwoo had an arm around your waist the entire evening, how you grinned up to him, eyes sparkling and all that shit. Hell, you used to look at him like that.
âHoney, can you get the mango float we have in our freezer?â Jungkook heard your mother tell you, and without thinking, he stood up from his chair and made a beeline to where you were, telling you heâd accompany you to your house.
âThatâs fine,â you told him. âItâs literally next door.â
âYeah, but it might be heavy.â
âItâs not.â
âBetter safe than sorry.â
You rolled your eyes and agreed then, excusing yourself from Hyunwoo who was in an engaged conversation with Seowon. The pair were geeking out because of their mutual love for the MCU and the next film slated to be released the following year.
Upon arriving at your home, you dashed to the kitchen with Jungkook trudging behind you. He wasnât sure what his next course of action should be now; all he wanted was some alone time with you, away from the presence of that college boyfriend of yours, but now that he had that, he couldnât think of anything that he wanted to say or do. He wasnât even sure why he was feeling a bit jealousâwas it because of that saying? Wherein people are bound to want what they canât have? Or was it that you only appreciate what you had when youâve already lost it?
âHow long have you and Hyunwoo been dating?â he asked, leaning against the counter as you pulled your freezer open.
âFour months, I think.â
âFour months? And you already brought him home?â
You snorted at his tone. âHis family is in another country so I thought itâd be nice to invite him.â
âYou must really like him then.â
âYeah, but Iâm not in love with him or anything.â You placed the mango float on the space beside Jungkook on the counter. âHeâs nice, and he likes me too.â
âDoes he treat you well?â
You flashed your eyes at him, amusement dancing in them. âWhatâs with that question?â
âWhatâs with it?â
âNothing, itâs just thatâŚâ you trailed, a smirk etched on your face. âWait a minute, are you⌠you canât possiblyââ Jungkook was widening his eyes, ready to deny your accusation once you questioned whether he was jealous of Hyunwoo or notâ âare you pulling an overprotective brother skit on me, Kook?â
Fuck, thank God, he thought.
âI prefer âoverprotective friend skitâ,â he said.
âThat doesnât have a nice ring to it.â
âBut Iâm not your brother.â
âYou donât have to be, Iâm just saying that you and Seowon have been acting similar since Hyunwoo and I arrived.â
âNonsense. Seowon likes him.â
âOh, so you donât?â
He pressed his lips into a tight line.
âDid you just admit that you donât like Hyunwoo?â you asked, chuckling. He was grateful that you didnât seem to be offended by it.
âI didnât say I didnât like him.â
âInstead you implied it.â
âNo, I didnât.â
âYou kinda did.â
He heard you laugh and he couldnât help but allow himself to laugh as well.
âIâm sorry,â he apologized. âMaybe Iâm just not used to you dating anyone. You are chronically single.â
âCanât say youâre wrong.â You snorted and picked up from the mango float, marching back to his house and gesturing for him to follow you.
He did, no words spoken between the both of you once more. Though when you were entering their place again, with Jungkook holding the door open for you, he mentioned something he never reckoned heâd have the guts to mention out loud.
âWhen you open my gift,â he began, âdonât do it in front of Hyunwoo, okay?â
âWhy not?â You werenât paying attention to where you were going, intrigued by his warning.
âHe might not like it. Youâll see.â
That night, at the comfort of your bedroom, Hyunwoo nowhere near but instead sleeping at the coach downstairs in your living room, you opened Jungkookâs gift and saw that it was a necklace with your birth flower as its pendant.
You smiled, rolling your eyes to yourself, and slept with that giddy look never leaving your face.
****
âNot so fast,â Jungkook grunts.
Did he think that you were going to be less difficult since he was helpful earlier? Yeah, he did. He likes to think that if it wasnât for him, you would have taken longer in feeding yourself with apple juice, so he at least wanted a thank you in the form of your willingness to have an adult conversation with him tonight. However, that clearly isnât the case because when he walked you up to your apartment like he always did, youâre attempting to lock him out, shutting the door as fast as you can once youâre inside, thus trying to prevent him from initiating that talk he wanted the two of you to have.
âSeriously?â He successfully pries the door open and you scowl at him.
âJungkookââ
âNo, you donât get to reason your way out of this. Iâm done hearing you out. Itâs your turn to listen to me.â He steps inside your apartment.
You groan, striding to the sofa and throwing your bag there. âYou canât force me to marry you.â
âIs marrying me so fucking bad that you canât get over it for health insurance benefits that can really help you?â He demands, infuriated.Â
âThatâs not the issue.â
âThen what is?â
âYou can get arrested!â you exclaim. âAnd so can I! Does that not freak you out?â
âWeâll only get arrested if we get caught.â
âIâm not willing to take the risk.â
âIâm not willing to see you die.â
You scoff out a laugh. âWho the fuck said anything about dying? Iâm not dying.â
âYou almost passed out on me. You almostââ
âItâs an error on my part, I admit.â You sigh. âWhen I get busy and preoccupied, sometimes I forget to check my sugar levels regularly throughout the day. Iâm sorry.â
âAnd you expect to be convinced that you have everything handled?â
âGod, Iâm not a child. Stop treating me like I canât do shit for myself.â
âPlease, ___,â he approaches you with the most pleading expression he can muster, and he watches as your hard expression crumbles, âjust accept my help. Itâs really not a big dealâyou wonât even see me often, so keeping up with the whole marriage ploy wouldnât be difficult. Weâll divorce in two years, we can pretend we never got married after that.â
âYou just donât get it, donât you?â
âWhat do I not get? If you think I donât understand something, then explain it to meââ
âI canât marry you,â you say. You do so like itâs final, like thereâs no point in arguing with you because he can never change your stand on this. As heâs pleading with his eyes to urge you to agree, youâre communicating with your eyes in a similar way thatâs wishing he would just drop this. âItâs wrong.â
His eyebrows furrow. âThis isnât the time to go on your high horse and decide whatâs wrong and whatâs not. Itâs a fraudulent marriageâof course, itâll be wrong to some degree.â
âNo, I meanâŚâ You turn away from him, rubbing your face in exhaustion. âItâd be wrong of me to marry you. Iâm taking advantage of you if I do, and I donât like that.â
Jungkook shakes his head, frustration worsening at the childlike excuse. Surely, you werenât that naive, were you? âYouâre not. Iâm not doing this against my own will. Besides, we get extra pay just for being married. If it makes you feel better, I wonât split it with you.â
âThat wonât make me feel better.â
âThen what will?â
You flop down on the coach and lean back, closing your eyes. He knows heâs being a pain in the ass but he canât just stand here and do nothing. He thinks heâs already come too far in convincing you, he isnât going to back out now. Every single day spent together, he can feel you warming up to the idea of marrying him for health insurance. Your connection and entirety of your relationship has been off the charts recently that itâll be harder for him not to be assured that before he leaves for his job, youâll be taken care off.
Jungkook goes to the spot beside you, sitting down. Your knees bump together, he keeps on gazing at you, waiting for you to focus on him; a minute passes and his gaze moves to your hand thatâs laying on the small space between you.
Without overthinking, he stretches out and clasps it, allowing his fingers to play with yours that finally captures your attention. The moment he glances up, he sees that youâre staring at him and he doesnât let go, he even smiles, a quiet promise that heâs always willing to listen to whatever you want to tell him.
You hesitantly smile back. âYou know,â your eyes train back to your intertwined fingers, Jungkook reveling in the warmth of your skin, gaining more confidence in acting out his feelings, âthere was a time wherein I would have said yes immediately if you asked me to marry you.â
He smirks, canât deny how hearing that inflates his ego a bit although this route in the conversation isnât where he expected to go. âWhat changed?â
âFor one, I grew up.â
âOuch.â
You laugh. Then you stay quiet for a while before speaking. âCan I confess something?â
That piques his interest. âAnything.â
âBut you have to promise not to make fun of me.â
âThatâs impossible.â He teases. âWhat is it?â
You stall, readjusting your position so that you can directly face him. Jungkook doesnât let go of your hand, he keeps it in his grasp, his thumb rubbing along the expanse of your knuckles.
âI like you, Jungkook. I really really do,â you finally say and he blinks, startled.
It shouldnât surprise him, considering that itâs been long established that he knew of your crush already, though he doesnât seem to have anticipated for you to boldly admit it when all these years, itâs only been some kind of unspoken understanding that neither of you downright acknowledged.
You continue speaking. âIn fact, I like you so much that maybe it developed into love at some pointâIâm not sure. Iâm at this stage of no longer being afraid of what I feel, I think? Most of the time, I just let it occur like itâs something so natural. Like itâs a feeling that I can never get away from? Like whatever I do, thereâs no way to shake you.â You chuckle half-heartedly. âThough never in a million years would I have thought that Iâd confess all of this. What for anyway? I donât want you to be burdened with what my teenage heart couldnât rub out.â
His mind is racing; hundred thoughts, hundred scenarios, hundred experiences heâs spent with you since the day you met. Jungkook never realized how much he needed you to say that you liked himâthat maybe you even loved himâuntil he heard it from your very mouth that you did, causing every inhibition and doubt he had to vanish. Now, he only wants to engulf you in an embrace and shout Yes, I feel the same way! Sorry for being a fucking corward and not doing this first!
He would have done all of that in a flash if it didnât appear that you still had something to say. Based on your rather constipated posture and the hand heâs holding thatâs becoming clammy, he discerns that youâre just in the first part of what you wanted to admit.
âActually, thatâs also why I canât let myself marry you,â you say. âI know it sounds ridiculous, but I donât know⌠it feels really icky somehow. I feel like Iâm holding you hostage, or that Iâm tricking you because of an ulterior motive, or that Iâm defying the laws of the universe by having the chance to marry you. Iâm not sure. I just know that I donât want to marry you if it means Iâll only get to do so because you think youâre doing me a huge favor. I donât want to be your charity case, KookâI deserve to be more than that, you know? Iâm not traditional or whatever but if itâs not for love, Iâm not keen on getting married.â You abruptly pull away from his clutch, embarrassment washing on your features by what you stated. âPlus, two years might not be that long but what happens when you meet someone and you like her? How can you explain that youâre only married to me because I need it for my medication? Itâll just be unnecessarily messy. I donât want to hold you back from those kinds of things. I donât want to be a hindrance.â
Thatâs his cue. Thatâs when he knows heâs supposed to kiss you and take your breath away, to admit that heâs certain that he has loved you since that one time when he was in the Naval Academy and although the training was hard as fuck, the thought of you gave him strength and he didnât want to see anyone as much as he wanted to see you afterâthat when you and Seowon visited him, that familiar urge to have you alone was all he felt the entire time, solidifying the idea that perhaps he didnât just see you as a friend.
âYouâre unbelievably dense, ___,â he murmurs, smirking at the play of events, and you glance at him, expression showing disbelief that heâs somehow treating this matter lightly.
âWhat?â
âDo you honestly think I go around and offer marriage to every woman out there who can benefit from being a military spouse? Do you think Iâm that generous? Iâm not. I wouldnât ask anyone to marry me for the same reason if they werenât important to meâor if I didnât like them. Iâm not that much of a saint,â he adds. âI mean, Iâm taking a two-week break to convince you to marry me. Iâm spending time with you every single day. Iâm driving for almost an hour and a half, enduring the traffic to get from my apartment to the university you work in to do thatâand you think this is because I want to be charitable?â
Silence. Your forehead wrinkles. He thinks youâre still not getting the point.
âIâm in love with you, ____,â Jungkook says.
Your breath hitches in your throat. Youâre opening your mouth, then closing it, then opening it again, then pressing it into a thin line. He thinks you look cute, being taken aback like this, and heâs wishing that heâs done this sooner so that the last five days of him chasing you around like a lost puppy was spent with talking more about whatâs possibly waiting for yours and his relationship next.
âAre you serious?â you ask after what seems like forever. âOr are you just saying that because youâre that desperate to have me on board with the whole fraudulent marriage thing?â
âGodââ Heâs inching closer to you now, laughing, watching your lips twitch at his reactionâ âIâm convinced that you were born into this earth to drive me fucking crazy.â
And just like that, he no longer restrains himself from kissing you.
It takes you a few good seconds before you will yourself to move. You canât seem to process the reality of Jungkook admitting that he was in love with you and then taking the liberty to plant his lips on yours. Youâre not complaining, of course, but you are a bit overwhelmed that it literally makes you freeze, unaware of what youâre supposed to do now that your fantasies are coming into life.
However, once you feel him angle his head to the side, doing so to deepen the kiss, your reflexes kick in and youâre kissing him back, encircling your arms around his neck and leaning towards him, Jungkook sighing in what appears to be relief. He grips your hips to support you as you try to straddle him, but your movements are so clumsy that you end up sprawling against his chest instead, perched on a leg of his that provides pleasure on the spot you need him the most. He chuckles at your lack of gracefulness, gliding his lips to your cheek and down to your jaw, nipping.
âThis okay?â he whispers with a palm drifting to your bottom.
You nod and Jungkookâs mouth is back on yours in an instant. He squeezes your ass, takes his time in fondling with it, cheekily slapping whenever you get brave yourself and push your tongue past his lips, before he skims his hand lower to your thigh and signals for you to mount him. Upon being properly sat on his lap, you get an immediate feel of his hard length through his jeans, prompting your imagination to run wild and induce the filthiest things he can do to you if neither of you stops.
âHoly shit,â he curses, your kisses roaming to the base of his throat where you lap and suck.
It becomes a dirty pattern for a while. The both of you will take a brief pause from making out to remove a piece of clothing or kiss every other exposed skin there is: the cheek, the jaw, the neck, the collarbones, the shoulders. Then one of you hauls the other back for another passionate kiss, hands skating everywhere on your bodies, sounds of arousal echoing inside the room; youâre starting to get lightheaded but youâre positive itâs not because of your sugar levels running low.
âI hate that it took us so long to get to this point,â he mutters.
You grin. âIâm sorry.â
âDonât apologize. Iâm the manâI should have confessed long ago.â
âWhy didnât you?â
âI donât know. âWas afraid to lose you, I guess.â He draws his head back and admires your blissed out expression. âBut then when Seowon told me you had diabetes, I panicked and thought that I might lose you either way.â
You go back to making out, Jungkook guiding your hips in grinding on his clothed length. Itâs addictiveâthe intimate feel of him, how heâs not shy in making sure you know how much heâs craving to be as close to you as you are to him. You think you can spend the whole night just doing this and be okay with it.
âFuck, Kook,â you groan against his mouth, a hand descending to his stomach and to his manhood, âyouâre so⌠so fuckinâ hard.â
Youâre palming him now, tracing the erection evident under his boxers.
He lets out a grunt. âYeah, baby, I know.â
âDo you⌠do you want meââ Youâre breathless, not able to continue whatever it is that you want to say.
He understands you just fine though. âNo.â He shakes his head. âDonât do anything.â
Youâre not sure what Jungkook means by that. How are you supposed to do nothing when you want to do everything to him? You soon comprehend what he means when he guides you to lay down on the sofa, when his lips skim lower and lower, passing your breasts, giving them the attention they deserve, until he goes lower than that and discards your underwear, kissing you in between your legs.
Itâs like heâs releasing all the pent up emotions heâs been keeping all these years. His tongue and fingers are relentless, his voice is telling you that heâs eager to coax an orgasm out of you, and as he lifts himself up to return to his previous position, face hovering yours, youâre positive that heâll get everything he wants because without a doubt youâll give him everything he wants from you too. Hell, if he uses this opportunity to ask you to marry him again, you might answer yes straight away, no longer bearing in mind the worries you expressed to him earlier.
Although did that even matter anymore? Jungkook said he loved you. He said you drove him crazy. You never thought youâd come to see the day heâd utter those words but here you are. The man of your dreams is kissing you, pleasing you, and looking damn enthusiastic as he does all of that.
âLast chance to stop me,â Jungkook teases. His eyes are glassy and you can feel his cock nudging on your thigh.
You giggle, bringing his head closer to press another long kiss on those pink and plump lips of his. âPlease never stop.â
âNever?â
âNever.â
âIâm going to take you up on that.â
âPlease do.â
After this night, youâre certain that youâll never allow yourself to be with another man aside from Jungkook. At the back of your head, you always thought that you were his, regardless if that wasnât true or that there was no real relationship to prove thatâhowever, at this moment, as he thrusts in and out languidly, you unquestionably know that you are. You belong to him now and he belongs to you; he lets you know through his love-filled gaze, his passionate kisses, and the manner wherein he moans your name.
âI love you,â he says, like heâs still in deep longing for your touch and affection.
You hum, tangling your fingers through the strands of his hair. âI love you, Kook.â You stare at his eyes. âI canât remember a time I didnât.â
A boyish grin erupts on his features.
Time passes by quickly. In a few more of his kisses, of the intoxicating slam of his hips, of his seductive whimpers, youâre coming beneath him, Jungkook pulling out and jerking his length until he too comes, his seed landing on the base of your tummy. You have the nerve to giggle at that, grinning at him with low-lidded eyes, and Jungkook hastily wipes his cum off your skin, attacking you with another passionate kiss that leaves you breathless.
âThereâs no way youâre not marrying me after this,â he murmurs.
You teasingly graze your teeth on his bottom lip. âIâll think about it.â
He groans. âDonât think about it. Just say yes.â
âAt least let me sleep on it, Kook.â
âFuckâfine.â He grabs your sides and pulls you flush against his body. âGuess Iâll have to keep on convincing you until you agree.â
****
âGod, why is this so difficult?â Jungkook whines, keeping you in his embrace, head tucked between your cheek and shoulder.
The air is very humid and Jungkookâs in his naval aviator uniform, which doesnât look cool in a sense that air is properly flowing through the material. He doesnât care though, doesnât care that itâs sticking to his skin as he refuses to let you go, not even when you complain playfully.
âKook, Iâm fucking sweaty.â
âI donât care.â
You laugh.Â
Heâs leaving to return to his duty and youâre here with him outside the base before he enters, being with him until the last possible minute because thatâs how much of a good wife you are.
Yes, you and Jungkook did get married. Three days ago in fact, at the city hallâs courtroom. Neither of you invited your parents; they didnât know about the occasion and you refused to tell them, afraid that they may be critical about yours and his choices when they discover the true reason why youâre rushing to be wed. The only people that remained to be aware of it was Seowon and his girlfriend, Winnie, who served as the witnesses, which was fine by you. In your understanding, this was just for the papers and your health, and not the real deal yet to be celebrated lavishly.
âIâll propose to you again after a couple of years,â Jungkook promised after the ceremony. âLetâs renew our vows and Iâll give you an amazing wedding.â
You would have told him that there was no need, but who were you kidding? You did want a proper wedding with Jungkook. The previous week didnât even feel like you were newlyweds. Yes, the both of you compacted all of the dates you could have if one of you werenât such a chicken in five days, and yes, though the honeymoon stage was experienced and practicedâit was only because you were a new couple who after years of hiding their feelings for one another, was now finally free to express it as much as they desired.
âCall me everyday?â you ask when he finally pulls back, Jungkook pecking your lips one more time.
âDefinitely.â He smiles. âVisit me whenever possible?â
âOf course.â You kiss him too.
His smile transforms into a grin. âTake care of yourself, alright? Keep me updated all the time. No sugarcoating allowed.â
âYes, Lieutenant.â
Rolling his eyes, he gives you another kiss and engulfs you in a tight hug, lifting you off the ground that causes you to giggle.
âOkay, pack it up, love birds!â Seowon shouts.
The two of you turn to your brother whoâs leaning on his car, the vehicle that was used to transport the three of you today. Youâre still in the middle of moving your belongings at Jungkookâs place and Seowon was kind enough to volunteer helping, always dubious that you could do stuff on your own. Despite your reluctance, you let him assist you, mostly because youâre trying to make a conscious effort in not upsetting him again.
Letâs just say that when the judge hailed you husband and wife at the civil wedding, Seowon wasnât thrilled to see that the kiss shared between you and Jungkook wasnât as fake as the supposed sham marriage, leading him to the conclusion that in the middle of Jungkookâs ruse of convincing you to be his wife, something must have happened that led to your approval and that rather 18+ rated kiss. Mostly though, heâs just offended that neither of you thought of telling him that you were an official couple before the wedding.
Jungkook unwillingly places you down.
âI think I need to go,â you say.
He nods with a sigh. âIâll miss you.â
âIâll miss you too.â
âCall you tomorrow?â
âYes.â You affectionately caress his cheek, bringing his face down for the very very very last kiss.Â
He leans into it. âFuck, I donât want to leave.â
âSeriouslyâhurry up!â Seowon shouts and you pull back.
âI will kill him,â you tell Jungkook.
âHeâs your brother,â he says. âAnd now, my brother-in-law, so I canât let you do that.â
âThat might be your very first red flag, Jungkook, insinuating that youâre choosing my brother over me.â You cross your arms. âTell me, if the both of us were drowning, would you save me or Seowon?â
âYou,â he answers without missing a beat.
You narrow your eyes. âIs that the truth?â
âOf course. Seowon would probably undrown himself anyway and youâre shit at swimming. Itâs an easy choice.â
You punch him hard on the shoulder and he feigns hurt, snickering. âFor the record, I donât think anyone can âundrownâ themselvesâbut fine, you pass the test.â
Jungkook faces Seowonâs direction and does a final salute, your brother returning it swiftly, and just like that, you and him share your last farewells. You watch as he goes through the entrance of the base and sends you a wave of goodbye; you weakly copy the gesture and stand there for a few seconds, just watching him fade from your view the further he trudges inside. You donât think saying goodbye to him ever felt this heavy, and you blame it on the fact that after all this is the first time youâre saying goodbye to him with the assurance that he loves you tooâand that alone weighs millions.
You spin on your heel and go to Seowon whoâs already in the driverâs seat. As soon as you get in and wear your seat belt, heâs giving you a dirty look.
âWhat?â you ask.
âPlease never do that in front of me again.â
His statement makes you smirk. âWhy? Didnât you want this?â
âWant what?â
âMe and Jungkook to be together.â
âWhen on earth did I say that?â
âYou previously admitted that you were lowkey playing cupid by suggesting that Jungkook marry me for health insurance.â
A short pause. âYeah, but that doesnât mean I have to watch you two reenact a porno every fucking time.â
âWeâre notââ
âYou are. Donât deny it.â He grumbles. âGod, every time I see you two, itâs like Iâm Ross from that one Friends episode where he accidentally sees Monica and Chandler doing it from the window of his apartment.â
âYeah, I remember that.â You laugh. âIn my defense, you havenât seen me and Jungkook actually do the deed soââ
âWait, so the two of you have?â
Your expression drops. His tone is approaching older brother protectiveness territory and youâre quick to attempt diffusing the situation. âI will not dive into that. All Iâm going to say is that Iâm a grown adult and so is Jungkook.â
He grimaces before starting the engine. âYeah, never dive into that. I donât need to hear the details.â
You share a laugh and then silence fills the car.
You press your lips together, looking at him while he backs out from the parking spot. âHey, thanks, by the way. For driving today, and for offering to help me later, and maybe for also never minding your own business.â
You recall how Seowon was the one who couldnât stop worrying about you and finding a solution when you told your family that you had type 1 diabetes. Your parents were concerned, they pestered you for months to force you to accept financial assistance from them, but they gave up soon after. Seowon though? He never did. He persisted through every outburst you had; he tolerated your bitchiness and your dirty looks all the time. Out of everyone in your life, you always felt like regardless of how stubborn and prideful you could be, Seowon was worseâin the best way possible.
A crooked smile illuminates his face. âYouâre my kid sister. Itâs my job to never let you experience peace in your whole life.â
You scoff. âWell, youâre damn great at what you do.â
When you reach Jungkookâs apartment, unloading the boxes and arranging your stuff to its designated places, your heart swells in happiness as the reality sinks in that your life is heading in the right direction after months of feeling hopeless. It drives you to be more thankful to the little things, to the people who were always by your side, to your previous circumstance that although wasnât ideal was still manageable. A lot donât get to have that kind of privilege and you promise yourself that youâll make an effort to find more things to be grateful about from this day forward.
âOh, I forgot to mention,â Seowon approaches in the middle of you arranging your books on Jungkookâs near to empty shelf, âWinnie wanted to give you this. She would have handed it over herself but sheâs going to be busy for the next few days.â
You take the frame from his hand and see that itâs the picture Winnie took of you and Jungkook after the ceremony. Itâs in the restaurant that you ate at to celebrate the civil wedding. Jungkook was grinning at you with an arm around on the backrest of your chair, you were leaning towards him, smiling at the cameraâand the absolute selling point of why this was the best picture ever taken was because of how cake icing was scattered on your faces, places on spots in an artistic manner like it was planted there on purpose for the picture and not because the both of you were being silly that instance.
You think it showcases your relationship with Jungkook marvelously. Itâs playful, itâs sweet, and most of all, it demonstrates how you two are clearly great friends.
âThis is so beautiful, Seowon,â you say.
You immediately send Winnie a heartfelt thank you message for the gift and continue to take a photo of the frame, sending it to Jungkook as well.
Once you hit send, you type out a message to accompany it.
You: look how cute we look đĽš
Youâre certain itâll take hours before he replies so you keep your phone again, going back to staring at the picture which is now placed on one of the shelves. Itâs the sole picture frame you have with Jungkook. In fact, itâs the only picture that Jungkook has in his apartment, and you like to think that this might be the mark of the new beginning youâll have with him. Even though your relationship wouldnât be traditionally explored given his occupation and how heâs most likely going to be away a lot, you donât mind.
If thereâs one thing you really believe in, itâs that waiting for Jungkookâwhether consciously or unconsciouslyâalways brings out the best outcomes.
gentle reminder: this author loves feedback! let her know your thoughts if you enjoyed reading this fic and youâll add 100+ points in her writing motivation meter âĄ
#jungkook#jungkook x reader#jungkook imagines#jeon jungkook#jeon jungkook x reader#jeon jungkook imagines#bts#bts imagines#bts x reader#bts drabbles#jungkook drabbles#bts scenarios#jungkook scenarios#jungkook x you#jeon jungkook x you#bts x you#jungkook fanfiction#bts fanfiction#jeon jungkook fanfiction
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In a statement that was shared with The Nation, a group of 25 HLR editors expressed their concerns about the decision. âAt a time when the Law Review was facing a public intimidation and harassment campaign, the journalâs leadership intervened to stop publication,â they wrote. âThe body of editorsânone of whom are Palestinianâvoted to sustain that decision. We are unaware of any other solicited piece that has been revoked by the Law Review in this way. â When asked for comment, the leadership of the Harvard Law Review referred The Nation to a message posted on the journalâs website. âLike every academic journal, the Harvard Law Review has rigorous editorial processes governing how it solicits, evaluates, and determines when and whether to publish a pieceâŚâ the note began. âLast week, the full body met and deliberated over whether to publish a particular Blog piece that had been solicited by two editors. A substantial majority voted not to proceed with publication.â Today, The Nation is sharing the piece that the Harvard Law Review refused to run. Some may claim that the invocation of genocide, especially in Gaza, is fraught. But does one have to wait for a genocide to be successfully completed to name it? This logic contributes to the politics of denial. When it comes to Gaza, there is a sense of moral hypocrisy that undergirds Western epistemological approaches, one which mutes the ability to name the violence inflicted upon Palestinians. But naming injustice is crucial to claiming justice. If the international community takes its crimes seriously, then the discussion about the unfolding genocide in Gaza is not a matter of mere semantics. The UN Genocide Convention defines the crime of genocide as certain acts âcommitted with the intent to destroy, in whole or in part, a national, ethnical, racial or religious group, as such.â These acts include âkilling members of a protected groupâ or âcausing serious bodily or mental harmâ or âdeliberately inflicting on the group conditions of life calculated to bring about its physical destruction in whole or in part.â Numerous statements made by top Israeli politicians affirm their intentions. There is a forming consensus among leading scholars in the field of genocide studies that âthese statements could easily be construed as indicating a genocidal intent,â as Omer Bartov, an authority in the field, writes. More importantly, genocide is the material reality of Palestinians in Gaza: an entrapped, displaced, starved, water-deprived population of 2.3 million facing massive bombardments and a carnage in one of the most densely populated areas in the world. Over 11,000 people have already been killed. That is one person out of every 200 people in Gaza. Tens of thousands are injured, and over 45% of homes in Gaza have been destroyed. The United Nations Secretary General said that Gaza is becoming a âgraveyard for children,â but a cessation of the carnageâa ceasefireâremains elusive. Israel continues to blatantly violate international law: dropping white phosphorus from the sky, dispersing death in all directions, shedding blood, shelling neighborhoods, striking schools, hospitals, and universities, bombing churches and mosques, wiping out families, and ethnically cleansing an entire region in both callous and systemic manner. What do you call this? The Center for Constitutional Rights issued a thorough, 44-page, factual and legal analysis, asserting that âthere is a plausible and credible case that Israel is committing genocide against the Palestinian population in Gaza.â Raz Segal, a historian of the Holocaust and genocide studies, calls the situation in Gaza âa textbook case of Genocide unfolding in front of our eyes.â
#palestine#gaza#free palestine#end the the colonialism#end the occupation#harvard#harvard law review#genocide
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good graces ; lee jeno
pairing: boxer!jeno x magazine-editor!reader
synopsis: y/n knows she's petty. so when she found out her (secret) celebrity boyfriend of a year had been cheating on her, through a news article to make things worse, she decided to cook up an action plan to get back at him, and what better way to take revenge than to get together with his all-time favourite athlete?
or, in which y/n involves an unsuspecting lee jeno into her little revenge scheme on her now ex-boyfriend.
ib: good graces, sabrina carpenter
featuring: haewon of nmixx, kazuha of lesserafim, ningning of aespa, 00z of nct dream, (side chars.) natty of kiss of life, jake of enhypen
genre: humour, fluff, angst (maybe)
disclaimers: fem pronouns for y/n, will give disclaimers for individual chapters if I see fit!, mentions of cheating, profanities, kms/kys jokes, inappropriate themes and jokes
notes: need to preface and say I love jake i love jake i love jake i love natty i love natty i love natty
playlist: good graces (sabrina carpenter) | taste (sabrina carpenter) | thank u, next (ariana grande) | mantra (jennie) | dopamine (giselle) | get him back (olivia rodrigo)
status: ongoing
taglist: open~ drop a reply or ask to be added!
a/n: letting this marinate before i start it from mid to end november! i have high hopes for this one and i hope you give jeno lots of love because there is a serious jeno smau drought on this app đđ if you want me to tag you when the profiles/prologue drops just send a reply or an ask too! love you all đđ
profiles 24/7 on the bowl | protected by jeno squad
chapters
chapter 00. prologue
chapter 01. LIKE P IN THE V??
chapter 02. umm uhh O.K!
chapter 03. clout chaser
chapter 04.
#nct#nct dream#nct fluff#nct jeno#lee jeno#nct smau#jeno smau#jeno#jeno x reader#jeno lee#jeno imagines#jeno fluff#smau#nct dream smau#nct imagine#nct scenarios#jeno x y/n#lee jeno smau#rinawrites: goodgraces!#rinasfav#rina dreams
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