#taking a moment to cherish it

[snzluv3r]

i hate that pre congestion congestion you get before a cold really kicks in. i don’t know how else to explain it but all day i’ve been feeling like my ears are getting clogged and popping because there’s just so much pressure but for once i am not actually congested at all

[hypnotic-kink]

Sometimes it's the little things ...

The little jokes, the personal details, the conversations about mundane topics that, taken as a whole, mean as much as more meaningful talks. Love isn't always about the big moments. More often, it is tucked in the small moments connecting the major ones.

Cherish it.

[skrimblo]

I love the character trope of someone immortal/living a really long life having friends that live shorter than them, and they learn to cherish moments because of how they have to watch them die while they still continue to live

[whataboutyouisamascot]

You know what? Hugs be upon ye! Let your shoulders drop as arms hold you tenderly, as if they recognize the precious being you are. Let the breath of relief work its way to freedom as tension melts fron your muscles, knowing that you’ll be supported if you give way too much. It’s okay to sink into the warmth emanating, letting it envelope you in comfort and love—you’ve done a lot recently. You don’t need to fight, clawing your way through what can feel like a barren life. Let your eyes flutter closed as your eyebrows relax. You’re safe here, in this embrace, you are wanted here

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

for some reason im really feeling the Queer Euphoria in this chilis tonight, specifically: being so ambiguous its hilarious. there is No label to describe my orientation/gender. like yeah i use nonbinary bc technically it fits but also bc the flag Fucks. if asked, my only correct answer would be "Wildcard, Motherfucker!"

[bredforloyalty]

the last few years have been a nice detour* but i think it's time to get back to being cringe

*: not that i wasn't cringe recently just that i need to crank it up and lose followers also

[minjv]

i love how ive + their team constantly evolve to explore various trends and genres while still holding on to their established musical identity

[relicsongmel]

Today marks the three-year anniversary of the day I lost my mom to breast cancer.

She wasn't perfect—no one is, as a person, or as a mother—but I loved her all the same, and I deeply mourn the fact that our relationship was cut short before it truly had a chance to blossom. I've felt a sense of directionlessness that's only grown in intensity since her passing, but I know in my heart she'd be proud of me and all the growing up I've done since then regardless.

This is the last year I'll be living in the house we shared, but her heart will always be with me wherever I go. Wherever she is now, may she find rest and solace.

[canisvesperus]

Ironic of those of you who try to moralize over people like me for liking 🐠 or whatever blorbo, once again oblivious to WHY they are appealing to somebody like me (sounds about ⚪️) when you act x10 worse than the character towards real poc in fandom then deny it to our faces when we confront you on it— but you will never be ready for that conversion will you…

[jokerownsmysoul]

[chloecherrysip]

I ask the universe again, WHY must I be required to have a full-time job??? Is it not enough to simply spend one's time concocting sweet and/or angsty scenarios for two adorable plumber brothers??? Someone pay me to do that instead, please and thank you!!

[buscandoelparaiso]

currently listening to a spotify playlist called 'one direction all songs' which has all 1D songs on shuffle and the more i listen to their songs the more i remember those years and realise i've never experienced the same happiness in life ever again

[saisons-en-enfer]

Personal mental health masterpost:

Hey, so I’m making this post to give some clarity into my situation for anyone that cares so there is a mutual understanding; especially because I tend to spiral in real-time on tumblr

Preface: I know this is my blog but I don’t want that to be a basis for my deflecting the responsibility of my own mental well being onto others and make people suffer because of it, especially because when I’m down I’m extremely avoidant, self-centred, and may be unintentionally callous (no I’m not just saying that lightly, I’ve been in so many situations on tumblr and IRL that I say something that is extremely insensitive but that wasn’t my intent leading to so many “sha you can’t say no one cares I’m talking to you/sitting here with you how can you say that”) and I need to also own up to that and admit that sometimes my feelings are false and my thought process is jagged

I’ve hurt someone that is really important to me on here multiple times over this and sadly but deservedly they will never be in my life again (though they will always be important to me). I don't want this to be an insincere "I'm sorry I was wrong, please forgive me" but rather to come clean and say that it has happened and I just want to make sure I take actions so that no one who cares about me on here will ever go through the same situation with me; I love the connections I have tumblr beyond words so it's time I act as such

The crux of my dilemma: as I'm sure you all know, I don't desire much to be alive for multiple reasons that I wont get into, and I cant really end my life because I am practically unable to inflict such harm onto other people just because I'm having a hard time. I have exhibited suicidal behaviours irl numerous times but each time I either went through it successfully with coping, asking for help (usually on tumblr), and if worse comes to worst asking to be hospitalized (which happened 6 months ago after I lost my job). It's complicated to talk about so feel free to send asks or DMs if you want to know more, I do exhibit suicidal behaviours on here (by talking or implying how much I don't want to be alive and saying that I'm in unbearable pain, both of which are true) but I seldom think I'm a danger to myself. I would say I have more suicidal ideations (henceforth SI) than behaviours.

I was first diagnosed with depression when I was 21, by 24 I was diagnosed with major depression (clinical) along with GAD, OCD (obsessive in negative thinking), later at 26 with ADHD, and, last year with a mood disorder (yet to be configured, consensus right now is that it is just very unstable mood)

The mood instability is important to highlight because I can pretty much show you days in which my posts go from cheery to mellow throughout the course of a single day.

Tumblr to me is a very personal and emotional scrapbook, when my mood crashes or i get triggered by something, and go on an SI spiral, first thing that happens is that i panic really hard especially because I get caught in the trap of "oh I have to live again tomorrow and experience all of this again and live my life with this mind" and when I'm in that trail of thought, shit goes south real fast and I start having physiological symptoms; I can't breathe properly, I get chills etc. so it's either I sit with those feelings by myself (because I'm not brave enough and trust many people IRL to seek help; something I'm working on) or, I release it onto here as posts. I know it's odd but in my mind having a breakdown in public (similar to my tumblr outbursts) is more helpful in that people either ignore you in which case you will have sense to know that there is none but yourself that can bring you up in which case you pull yourself together and move forward, or people do take notice and show kindness and support and help you fight your way through to see another day. Whatever the case, at least your not weeping alone so to speak. It sounds callous and even attention seeking but i don’t believe it’s inherently wrong, it’s a call for help.

The attention seeking part of it I concede my approach is terrible and I’m such an asshole for constantly firing from the hip with saying shit like “I don’t want to be alive, Im better off dead” and other things of the same ilk no matter how much I mean it and feel the depth of those words so closely. I will be better; when I’m emotional I’m not rational so I don’t do what I always do, step back and think am I approaching this person correctly. My cousin told me “if you’re having a hard time, than don’t say things like that to freak me out… say hey K I’m a bit sad today, I need a hug, I need some love, I need to get out of my head a little”

I'm taking mood stabilizers twice a day, whilst this has been deemed to be enough since I tend to have a strong outward facade and keep composed if my mood falters until I'm alone in my room and my interactions with people irl has been functional, I fear it's not enough and I may have to bring it up even though it means more meds (which btw coincidentally my mother just walked in my room reminding my of my next psychiatrist appointment soon). It's just very hard to bring up my tumblr behaviour up in therapy because as soon as I'm honest about my posting, they will just want to hospitalize me... it's not conceivable in most people's minds that yes I dont wish to be alive but I don't necessarily want to kill myself.

Which brings me to this part regarding my etiquette on tumblr:

All text posts pertaining to my mental health, should it imply SI I will tag as "SI posting"

I will NOT be tagging really sad songs as of now, but I can certainly do that if people would like me to

When I post something concerning you can choose to ignore me altogether if you'd like I will not hold it against anyone or be upset or fall prey to the line of thinking that "no one cares" because I know beyond a doubt that people actually DO care

If you do see such a post and want to help me genuinely, interacting with the post (like or comment or whatever) however small helps me so much and makes me feel so much less alone and gives me strength to push through

You can also start a conversation with me and talk about anything at all that also gets my mind off of things

I promise ill try my hardest to just ask for support instead of just posting extremely concerning text posts

EDIT: im also open and welcome any suggestions people may have on this matter and how I can be better

I keep my promises very seriously and just over a week ago I promised someone I really care about that I will try and be better and I very much intend to do that.

Thank you so much for patience and kindness and just not giving up on me when at times I've given you ample reasons to do so, I love you so much

Much love

[sillverstreets]

only hanging out with my people can fix me now

[pyrriax]

ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏

[kookjinnies]

closer by namjoon 😭🙂‍↕️ I GET A FEELING SOMETIMES THAT I CANT GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO YOU‼️‼️‼️