#take my hand. let's analyze media together

[fallingtowers]

there's a genre of youtube video where people do deep-dive analyses of scenes from movies, like talking about camera angles and shot composition &c and the techniques the filmmakers are using and how they relate to the movie's themes/plot/&c. and every time without fail if you go into the comments you'll find some dork being like "i guarantee you've put wayyy more thought into this than the people who made this movie did 🤣🤣"

and obviously this kind of "sometimes the curtains are just blue" point-blank refusal to engage with the material on any level but the most superficial is annoying because it's boring and anti-intellectual and all but. it also just bothers me because i think it speaks to a complete lack of understanding of the kind of timeframe most creative work operates on. like making a movie from start to finish is a multi-year endeavor i PROMISE you every last little detail of the production has been considered at SOME point by SOMEONE involved

[katszumi]

silence immersed the room as the door clicked shut behind you. the ticking clock a reminder of how little time you have.

“you’re such an asshole, you know that?” you spewed to the male in front of you, your features displaying a look of anger.

katsuki rolled his eyes. “well, it’s not like i get called a ray of fuckin’ sunshine. what else did you honestly expect?” he crossed his arms over his chest, taking a seat atop of the long metal table.

“not much, yet you still seem to subceed my expectations.”

“subceed? seriously?” katsuki paused to let a scoff escape his lips. “you’re upset because i’m actually selling this story? the only one, might i add. this was your shitty grand idea!”

unknowingly, you took a step forward.

“the idea was to make it known we disliked each other. not for you to publicly shame and insult me!”

you, katsuki and a few other heroes were invited to attend a press conference. while the original topic was to discuss about the mission you all completed the day before, the topic began to stray away and focus on the relationship between you and katsuki.

japan knows of the hatred you and katsuki shared between each other, that was no unknown fact. the media described you two as fiery rivals considering both of your quirks contained fuel.

you two despised each other. or at least that’s the lie you fooled everyone with.

you were unsure when katsuki started to look appealing to the eye, how attractive he was when he was drowned in sweat, how you began to long for the small but noticeable glances he sent you in public. you couldn’t tell when it happened. but before you knew it, a small pool of desire that had katsuki’s name printed on it began to fill every minute of the day.

“which is no different than what we used to do. you want them to believe it? then don’t take my shit. suck it up and be a bigger asshole than i already am.” he was right. you know he was right. but it was so difficult to pretend as if you hated him.

even if you called him a bitch, or a cunt, maybe even call him out for having a small dick—which you know is far from the truth—that still wouldn’t deny the peace you felt whenever you were with katsuki. how the world seemed to stop still on its axis. how there were no rain, wind or time. just pure bliss.

fuck.

out of everyone, it just had to be him? his captivating, intense ruby irises. his brash, abrasive demeanor. only his words that could seem to sway you. the man the world deemed you to abhor.

instead of admitting the truth, you twist his words. “well, i’m pleased to know it’s so easy for you to do.”

“jesus fuck, y/n.” now, katsuki rose from his position, never once breaking eye contact with you. “you think this is easy for me? you think i like getting up there and lying through my teeth? doing this is the one of the hardest things i’ve ever done.”

he walks closer and even closer to you, minimizing the distance you established for good reasons. this is how it always happens; one of you forgets about the space you two have to maintain until words don’t seem to work anymore. instead, your lips weave together, forming a new way to communicate.

but you don’t move. you don’t want to.

“is it? all those insults feels like it comes pretty smooth to you.”

katsuki pauses as he takes a second to analyze you. his eyes scan your body then leading right up to your face.

“because those are the words i wish i could mean. every time, it burns me to say those things about you when i’d rather be up there claiming every single part about you.” he lowered to a whisper, but his voice maintained a fervent tone.

his hand raises, slow and steady. he cups your cheek, gently swiping his thumb across your cheek. instinctively, you lean into his palm, your eyes softening as you gaze into his eyes.

“you think i enjoy this?” you watch his jaw tighten, his hand dropping to your hip. “think i like watching you talk with those eager men? it takes everything in me to not beat them shitless for daring to come across you. do you know how hard it is to fight the urge to pull you in and show them that you’re not available?”

too captivated by his words, you didn’t notice how katsuki lowered his head. you could feel the heat of his body from how he gave you no room to breathe. he placed his lips on your soft skin, slowly kissing the side of your neck.

no. resist him. your mind was screaming. this couldn’t go on forever. at some point, you guys had to stop.

“what will make them back off? if i mark you up? think they’ll understand then?” he proposed the question, but to you, it seemed more like he was asking for permission.

you didn’t know what effect katsuki placed on you to have you like this. but in this moment, you didn’t care about the rumors, the consequences, your image. it was all pushed back in the back of your head. so, you slightly tilted your head upwards, giving him more leeway to continue.

katsuki gripped your hips. not too strong to leave a mark but strong enough to squeeze a small moan out of you.

“don’t you fuckin’ understand, y/n?” he leans away to look in your eye.

“what?” you meekly responded.

“i go insane when it comes to you. i’m not the kind of guy that drools over any woman’s attention. but, you… fuck.” he stops himself, from what you can only assume was to control himself with whatever he was about to say. “not being able to have you only makes me crave you more.”

you stay quiet.

“you know how many times i’ve tried to resist you?”

“how many?” finally, you spoke.

“too many fuckin’ times. i’m done fighting it, y/n.”

confusion struck your face. “what do you mean?”

“be mine. forget the press, forget our pr managers. be with me.” katsuki brings you closer with the hand placed on your hip, the action drawing you to one conclusion.

he leans in and interlocks his lips with yours. immediately, you drown in the feeling of his soft but chapped lips that you couldn’t seem to push away. somehow, you find the strength to pull back from him.

“not here. not in pub-”

“yes here.”

with his tone, you could mistake him to be aggressive in this moment. but over the months, you managed to be able to read his eyes from the forbidden glances he’s sent your way; how he really felt through the way he wore his eyes.

katsuki’s eyebrows were slightly furrowed, his soft ruby eyes shifted from your lips to your e/c irises.

there was a look behind his eyes. there were more watchful, more tender than usual. almost as if he was pleading with his eyes. like he was begging.

so, how could you say no to him in this state? him being so vulnerable with you?

but that was always the problem.

you could never say no to katsuki bakugou, no matter what.

your arms wrap around his neck, drawing him in with your eyes. he inclined his head and laid his lips on your mouth. the silence that did wrap the room ten minutes ago was replaced with the noise of sloppy kisses, your mouths powering over each other.

you can feel your heart rate increase from the action, even more noticeably so when he entangles a fist in the back of your shirt. he needs you closer, maybe within his skin if possible.

following his action, you guide your fingers through his ash blonde strands, sending a shiver down his spine. he nibbles on the bottom of your lip, pulling it just slightly.

“we really shouldn’t be doing this.” your murmur, yet his ears catches it. “this would be the hottest topic for the media.”

a snicker parted his lips. “we just can’t be caught. but the day you stop being scared, i’m ready.” his words vague and simple, yet still holding so much promise.

“i hate you.”

and you did. you hated that he was too enticing. too irresistible.

“thought it was hard for you to say things you don’t mean?” he referred from earlier. of course, that was just like him. the same him you mistakenly fell for.

“just shut up.” was all you replied with before leaning back in to connect his lips with yours, choosing to help him with your statement.

this was supposed to be like a forbidden love trope but i think i just revealed how thirsty i am😔

[coco-loco-nut]

Revelations

pairing: Daniel x reader

summary: Daniel casually mentions his wife after 11 YEARS OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP. Danny Ric comeback. 2025 season, he is back on rbr

request are open pookie masterlist part 2

—————————

Being an engineer for Red Bull was something else. You have been with them since you graduated college, and truthfully you never want to leave, the team is your family, having been with them for 11 years.

You met your husband through your job, both starting at the ripe old age of 23, and despite the potential HR violations, Christian Horner practically set the two of you up on a date after being oblivious about each other’s crushes. Thus began Red Bull’s best kept secret.

“Happy 10 years, Danny,” you kiss your husband, him watching you analyze data. Christian made him promise to never use you as a mole, and the two of you very quickly agreed. Even when he was on Renault and McLaren, work talk was kept quiet. Daniel had a great season last year and was brought back to Red Bull Racing, Christian promoted you to be his race engineer, knowing Daniel would listen to you.

“Happy 10 years, my love,” he hugs you tight. Your children are home in Australia with their grandparents for the weekend.

“Good morning, Ricciardos. Happy wedding anniversary,” Christian greets you, sitting for the pre-race meeting. Christian celebrates your wedding anniversary almost as much as you do, but he is a part of the family. He officiated your wedding at this track 10 years ago today, and he is the godfather of your eldest.

“Good morning, I printed out some data sheets so we can determine strategy. I noticed some unusual tyre degradation, while it could be from the unusually high track temperatures yesterday, it is something we should plan for today,” you start, passing out the papers. Daniel will never not be able to admire you. Sometimes he misses what people say because he stares at you, the exact reason Christian helped get you two together.

“Let’s grab some coffee then go on a track walk,” Daniel holds his hand out to you after the strategy meeting, you happily take it. After your lap around the track, you meet with the other engineers while Daniel warms up and does media. As you are watching the F2 race for valuable data, someone from PR comes over to you.

“Watch this clip,” she says and you oblige.

Daniel, you seem in better spirits than usual, care to share?

I don’t know mate, I am usually a pretty happy person.

Here I was thinking that maybe you finally had a girlfriend

Nah, I don’t think my wife would be happy about that… I wasn’t really supposed to say that. If you are watching, sorry! I’ll make it up to you, love.

Well, I hope there isn’t a couch in your future. Good luck today.

Thanks, but she’s put up with me for 11 years, I doubt there will be a couch in the future.

“Oh, he might have the couch tonight,” you laugh a little, honestly surprised it took 11 years for him to accidentally say something.

“Looking back at all the photos, he is wearing a wedding ring, how did we not see that?” You hear one of the Mercedes drivers say outside the garage.

“You saw the video?” Daniel asks as you playfully glare at him.

“I did. I have a winning strategy for you, so maybe you can move off the couch tonight. Lose and you stay there longer,” you tease. Being his race engineer helps so much because you can subtly say things and no one picks it up, and any interactions between you seem normal.

“Yes, Mrs. Ricciardo,” he smiles and goes to get changed for the race.

Last car in, good luck Daniel

I don’t need luck, I have you guiding my race

Ok, Daniel, whatever you say

The strategy works out well, and planning for the hotter heat was a smart move. Christian hasn’t told you not to race with Max, so you push Daniel for the overtake.

“Come on, honey badger,” you whisper. Daniel has had the better strategy and better pacing, all day so he easily overtakes and keeps the lead through the final five laps.

Okay Daniel, last lap, Verstappen behind, keep the pace.

Does this mean I’m off the couch?

Focus.

Sorry.

And that’s P1, P1 very good, Daniel. Red Bull 1-2. You are officially off of the couch.

LET’S GO! Thank you team! I couldn’t have done it without you guys. Thanks for the brilliant strategy, and for letting me off the couch. Best wife ever.

Mhmm. Happy 10 years. Parc Ferme is clear for you, pull in so the team can celebrate.

Let’s just say that F1 TV streaming your radio broke the internet, and the drivers when they all got out of their cars and into the garages. You followed the team to wear Daniel was parking and the team pushed you to the front. Daniel celebrated there with the team, taking his helmet off and kissing you. The team wolf whistles around you.

“Go to the podium, we will celebrate with you there,” you push him in the direction of where he needs to go. Unknowingly to Daniel, Red Bull chooses you to represent them for the Constructors Trophy.

“Mate, how did you keep that a secret?” Oscar asks Daniel in the debrief room.

“It wasn’t much of a secret. Everyone in Red Bull knows most of the relationship,” Max says and Daniel nods along.

“Honestly, I don’t know how people didn’t know,” Daniel laughs. The FIA tells them to start heading out to the Podium and Daniel searches the crowd for you when he steps out, but can’t find you. He’s shocked but extremely delighted when you step out and stand beside Oscar for the Constructors trophy. The mischievous glint in his eye is a loud warning that you will be sprayed with champagne. You happily stand through the national anthems, clap when Daniel is handed the trophy, and beam with joy as you are handed the second trophy. Soon enough you are presented with champagne and the go ahead to spray it is given.

“Max!” you squeal and hide behind him as you both spray Daniel.

“Quit hiding my wife!” Daniel laughs and in a split second, your cover is gone as Max moves to spray Oscar. You and Daniel both pour the champagne in each other’s mouth.

“Ew, that’s almost as bad as if you guys were to kiss,” Max laughs. Daniel gives you a devilish smile, pulling you close to him and capturing you lips with his.

“The kids are going to be so grossed out,” you laugh and Oscar looks almost horrified.

“THE KIDS?!”

[brothermoth]

DEAR GOD PLEASE READ THE WHOLE THING I AM BEGGING YOU. PUT ON YOUR ENGLISH CLASS LENS AND ANALYZE MY EVERY WORD

~~~~~~~~~~

I've been lurking among the Tumblr trans community for a while, just reading people's thoughts and trying to kinda work out where the disconnect is here.

There is a major communication issue here. I'm transmasc personally, but I absolutely do not want to undermine the very real danger that trans women are in, especially now with all this fucking shit going on in the world.

First of all we can say with certainty that trans women do face a heightened degree of danger and oppression. I will never deny the existence of transmisogyny and I think we DO need to listen to trans women when they bring up common issues within the community that they've faced. Rocky Horror Picture Show, Silence of the Lambs, Ace Ventura—these are transmisogynistic pieces of media that violently villainize trans women. I think we (trans men, wider LGBT community) need to do our part to make sure that we are not supporting media that contributes to this. They're just movies. We can let them go.

[Watch Paris is Burning it's heartbreaking and incredible and I think everyone should know Venus Extravaganza's name because what happened to her and so many others is abhorrent]

Trans women ABSOLUTELY are very much visible to bigots. They're wearing those orange construction vests by absolutely no fault of their own and it's so so important to push against this. Transmisogyny is a massive problem and these ladies deserve to be heard.

This can coexist with the frustration expressed by trans men. It can, I swear. You know how? Because what both sides of this are asking for is to be heard, and to be listened to. We can acknowledge transmisogyny as the force that it is AND there can be space to hear out those discussing transandrophobia. These things aren't opposites! They're not.

Trans men are largely not denying that trans women absolutely face more scrutiny and violence. I've scrolled many a post, I've checked out the more popular blogs who make decent points on the matter. [I won't tag anyone or make mention by name. I don't want people getting attacked or feeling called out].

Marginalized men can absolutely say that their masculinity and status as a man contributes in a unique way to their oppression. Nobody is saying that "Men" as a whole are oppressed. Man is not a class. Woman is not a class. That is radfem nonsense and it has absolutely no weight to it. It is not for you to say that their experience cannot be misandry. They're not saying anything against women! They're not. They are saying "Hey this is something I've noticed and experienced and I think this word fits to call out these topics".

Radical Feminism is fucking stupid. I'm sorry, but it is (but many radfems are just people who are hurt and oppressed but it doesn't negate the hurt toward other people). I'm a feminist and I always will be, but as a history student I am very much trained to look at a wide picture of literally everything always. Look at the world, look at history. Read what people wrote before your grandparents were born and get a view of the world that is complex and contradictory at times.

Woman is not a class. Woman is an aspect, an identity that very frequently means oppression for whoever that label can be applied to. Misogyny is pervasive and it is real and it's woven into the modern world. But so is racism. So is classism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia. YOU CANNOT TAKE A SEAM RIPPER TO OPPRESSION. You can't split these things apart from each other. They're fused together and you are doing no favors to anyone by splitting them apart.

The thing about marginalization is that it is a hydra and you have to cut off the heads and then burn the stump to kill it. You can't just cut one and wipe your hands of the whole affair. Everyone is the sum of their whole being and their whole experience and we all deserve to speak on our own oppression.

Sometimes it's a bit conflicting. I know. Just let it be. It'll conflict, it'll be weird and confusing because it's supposed to be. Oppression isn't one system, it's a dozen over thousands of years. Do not pretend otherwise. It's not Us Vs Them it's a goddamn food web. It's weird! It's hard to grasp! Personally I think that wealth status is the more influential aspect (historically, currently).

My point is that queer men are allowed to feel isolated and demonized. That is not at odds with trans women expressing their own concerns about the very common transmisogyny seeping into communities they should be safe in! We can all listen and say "I understand, how do we work through this?"

Stop telling marginalized men that misandry isn't real. It's real if marginalized men feel that it is! Making them feel safer and more comfortable is not at odds with making queer women feel safer and more comfortable. Your inclusion should never be at the cost of someone else's. You fucking compromise.

On the flip side, men can put in effort to be aware of misogyny and how it affects their own views. A problem doesn't have to be the most pressing issue ever to be addressed! My leaking refrigerator doesn't mean your messed up light switch has to be neglected. Those are for two different professions! I call a plumber, you call an electrician. My issue might be a bit more serious (and cause structural damage) but your light isn't Not broken because my refrigerator is. Misandry can exist without overshadowing misogyny. Clearly it's not a structural issue, but we can still take a look at it.

I also think it's really upsetting to everyone involved when generalizations are made and insults are tossed around. Just fucking talk. Just talk. Transmascs always do this—transfems do this—shut up. We went over this in like kindergarten.

"I've noticed there's a lot of people who say [x] in these spaces"....."you know, I'm really not comfortable when folks say [x]" call out bad behavior. Absolutely call out bad behavior, don't let that shit stand. Call out the person doing it though. Ideology is not identity! An ideology can change. Terfs are usually women but not all women are terfs. They're women who CHOOSE to believe certain things. Generalizing is a massive issue and it's super common and it's stupid. Stop it.

Queer people are assholes sometimes because we're people. Call out the behavior not the identity.

Everybody shake hands and say I love you and be nice to each other. Write your strongly worded letter! It's better than just being an asshole. Trans people put on your get along shirt and burn Marjorie Taylor Green at the stake. Put Joanne Rowling on an inflatable raft and push her out to sea. You are not each other's enemies you want bodily autonomy and the ability to be safe and comfortable in your own damn body.

------------

Please don't dm or harass me. I mean the best and I'm totally willing to correct myself and change opinions of things if you make a convincing enough argument (hey, that's how everyone should be).

Trans people I would fight the US Senate for you. Me and a stick of my choosing. I'm going to bat for us. Trans women I love you you deserve to be happy and loved and safe. Trans men you deserve to be happy and loved and safe. Even if I personally don't like you as a person, I'm fighting a senator for your rights. Even if you're a douchebag. Queer people deserve the right to be assholes because everyone deserves bodily autonomy and human rights.

thank

[masonmiamor]

tell me you love me - - mason mount x reader.

stfu bc why is this gif so cute 😭🙏🏻 💕

Part two to my last fic! You can find that here!

feedback is appreciated! request are currently open so feel free to send ideas and or concepts 🫶🏻

Three weeks passed and still no sign, you felt like the damage was already done and there was no hope left. You could feel yourself lingering and wanting to reach out but you couldn’t find yourself with enough courage to pick up the phone and communicate with him.

Three weeks later and you had enough, you were angry with yourself and him. Mostly yourself because you knew better and had better value to yourself. You weren’t just going to be used over and over again to not get the same energy back?

The temptation to call, to hear his voice was so bad, and it hurt you more than it should’ve. But you weren’t going to make the first move, it was always you. You initiated the conversations and you were tired of having to be the bigger pants.

The only things that helped you forget were reading or watching movies. You went out with your girlfriends but ended up having the worst time. How were you letting this all consume you in the worst possible way?

Work helped you distract yourself, not having to worry about what went inside your head rather being focused, and tasked to finish your job. Today was one of your days off after having worked for three weeks straight, so you decided with a little self care day.

Taking a longer walk in the morning, passing by to buy some new clothes and makeup, shoes, and even a new small purse. Before you went home to your flat, you had two more locations to attend, the bookstore and grocery store.

You loved walking around taking glances a new and latest books or those that came up on your recommendations on social media. You had a few you wanted to buy, so after ordering an ice coffee of your preference, you grabbed a small basket and strolled over the store. Grabbing books, reading the titles and small summaries, flicking through pages to see if it grabbed your attention.

“Buy it.”

You glanced up to see the one and only Mason, leaning against a shelf, you looked over at him, seeing his disheveled hair, his now longer beard, him wearing an all black outfit. You looked around and saw no one, it was almost empty, you took one last glance at the book in your hand before putting it back.

“I-I-I, How did you know I was here?” he looked at you for a minute before shaking his head. “I was here already… This is where you spent most of your time, and I wanted to get something from here as well…” he said shyly, his cheeks burning red. You furrow your brows together, “You? Buying something from a bookstore?”

“Yes, it was for you,” he took his hand from the back showing you the romance book you had talked to him about a couple of weeks ago. Your favorite trope, with a happy ending. You look up and attempt to read his face, but he just stares so attentively to you. “I remembered you talking about it before we went to bed, and-”

“You were actually listening to me?” you say surprised. Mason looks taken back, almost shocked, “Don’t get me wrong, I just didn’t think you were listening to me that day, especially about a book,” you say, attempting to explain. Mason looks down and fidgets with his hoodie strings feeling guilty.

Mason steps closer, you can immediately smell the cologne and aftershave on him, reminding you he was actually there and not just your imagination playing with you. “I always listen to you… About anything and everything,” he confesses. Your mouth slowly gapes open and you try to mutter a response out.

“I read the back, and a couple pages… The characters remind me of us, and what we have, that something special can’t be easily forgotten,” Mason hints. “That when love hurts you but overall makes you happy, it’s real,” he continues.

“I want to talk,” he deadpans. You continue searching and analyzing the book, so confused about what was going on, not trying to confront him just yet. Were you ready to suddenly open up again and talk with him? No and yes. “We’re talking…” you whisper. He cocks his head to the side giving you a “are you serious look”.

“Y/n,” he says seriously.

“Mason,” you challenge, crossing your arms over your chest. You sigh and return the book back to him, “You can’t just buy me a book and expect everything to be okay you know? It won’t work like that,” you say, trying to keep your voice smooth and not reveal the nervousness. “I know it won’t work, I wish it could because I know how happy books make you feel, anything to see you smile again… I would do it. That’s why I'm asking to talk.”

“What if it doesn’t fix things and makes things between us worse?” you find yourself asking, rubbing the side of your arm. Mason was still yours, and you were still his, but thinking about the fact it could no longer be that way scared you. It hurts already but that would be more than painful. “We will never know unless we talk,” he says honestly, taking closer steps.

“I’m just as scared as you are. The same thoughts,” he admits. You jump at the opportunity to escape when you hear a person coming by, reminding yourself you still had errands to run. You quickly blink and clear your throat, “I need to go buy groceries still. How about I meet you in mine in about an hour and thirty?” you say shyly.

Mason nods, “Thank you Y/n.”

When you get into your car, you blink fast, still trying to process seeing him again, and what he said to you. After you calmed down you made your way to the store, played some music, and just looked ahead to the destination. Your mind went back to him, almost bumping into someone as it distracted you.

You bought many snacks and drinks to have more in stock. But you also did buy the missing vegetables, meats and fruits that were missing from your fridge. You planned to make something on the easier side today so you quickly grabbed bread and some cheese from the bakery and deli.

Truth to be said your hands were full when you walked into your flat, you never did have patience to make a double trip, so with much strength in you, you only made one trip when bringing in groceries.

Mason wasn’t here still, so after putting everything away, you arranged the new bouquet of flowers, the living room and your office, well more of a room where you could escape and just read away. Your doorbell ringing startles you, but the sight of Mason has your pulse raising quicker than before.

“Come in,” you say, hearing him thank you. Mason carried a small white bag on his right hand and a smaller bouquet of your favorite flowers on his left. “It’s a small something but I had to buy them when I saw them. They’re your favorite,” he says chuckling. You look up and smile, seeing his smile grow wider at your sight.

Mason attentively watches as you grab a separate vase for his flowers, but makes notice of the freshly new ones on the dining tables. Did you or someone else get those for you? If someone did, then who? He thought.

He follows you into the office room or more of your safe space in your home. You set the glas vase on your desk, opening the white bag to find the two books you talked about that night, along with some chocolate and cookies from your favorite bakery. He clears his throat, walking over to you when you put the new books on the shelf.

it was now or never, the two of you thinked, without knowing it. Your body shifted straight towards him, bringing him into the long and anticipated hug. He felt warm and so perfect between your arms, you didn’t want to let go, it was capturing and a feeling of safety overwhelmed you. When you pull away your foreheads rest against each other, your arms dropping to your sides.

Mason rubbed his nose over your cheek, his hands softly gripping just above your elbows. Your hands remained by your sides, not knowing what to do, he whispered again, “Forgive me.”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in, your face slightly leaning into his, “I can’t, I-I-I don’t know,” you let out, but you know deep inside the man here pleading for you is the one. He always has been since day one.

“Forgive me… please,” Mason says again, the sincerity in his voice is laced with a tint of begging you. You slowly bring your hands to grip his sides, and he lets out a small groan, “Jesus… Your hands are like silk Y/n…”

“Tell me what’s running through your mind baby, it’s the only way we can help each other out here,” Mason says along the crook of your neck. “Be brutally honest with me, even if you think it may hurt us, or me. Say what you have to say.”

“I have so much to say, because at the end of the day, I’m still hurt by your doings. I won’t blame it all on you, because there are always two sides of a relationship, but you hurt me and I'm scared to let you back in after three weeks.,” you sob out, suddenly back away creating space between you. You can see Mason close his eyes sadly.

“I was there for you mentally and physically but when I asked that from you, I never received it back. It wasn’t fair Mason, it was always me. ME! Who had to fix us always when something went down. Me who had to put the pieces back together even though they weren’t properly prepared.”

“I know you from the back of my hand Mason. We got so close to a point where it was lust and love combined. I was so consumed and convinced you would maybe one day realize what you were doing affected me, and us. But it never came, and I don’t know when it will,” you let out wiping the tears away from your cheeks.

“I’m losing hope here Mason… I’m doubting your love for me and it’s making me feel useless and unwanted. I understand you history and respect what you went through but I don’t know if you’re waiting for the first opportunity where I fuck up to leave or if you’re stuck believing i’m like the others… I can barely read you-”

“You consume every single thought that runs through my mind. Every single one. I get it, I know i fucked up. I know I should’ve committed and communicated with you better but you have to believe me when I say I'm madly in love with you Y/n. How could I not love the woman who hasn’t left my side even after I hurt her?” Mason cuts you off. His words sound as if he were confessing his love to you all over again.

“How could I not love the woman who no matter what stayed by my side during my difficult moments? The one who brought me breakfast in bed excitedly, the one who would kiss my head gently before I left, the one woman who no matter what will prioritize you over herself. I’m so inlove with you Y/n, I can’t make that up…”

“You're the women of my dreams. Always have been, and always will. I know I have given you the opposite of what you expected but that was due to the constant overthinking I did and insecurities taking a toll… My biggest fear was becoming a reality that night I left. I can’t bear the fact of one day losing you and not having you in my arms again Y/n.”

All the talking drags you to sit on your couch. Covering your face when you hear footsteps approaching you and kneeling down facing you. “Let me prove it to you how much you mean to me, let me prove to you I can be the man you need. Let me prove to you just how much I love you, even if it means buying you all the books in the world you dearly love,” Mason says, dragging his hands from the soft carpet to the sides of your legs.

“One more chance please? There’s so much in store for us still, and I only see myself doing them with you,” he says, his brown bright eyes pleading you. The glossy look on his face tells you he’s being for real, not like those past times where he would promise and not live up to his word. Your hand softly meets his cheek, his eyes gazing from your bracelet to your teary face. Mason leans his head on you hand, relishing the feeling and closing your eyes.

“You have to talk to me, Mason. I can’t know what’s going through your head when you shut me out. You can’t plan and do something just to not stick with it and finish in the end,” you say, Mason nods, a small smile spreading on his face. His tears now dried on his freckled skin, “I love you. Forever. I don’t know how you’re so strong to do this, but I will make things right from now, I promise.”

For the first time in forever your heart races and butterflies spread across your chest when you hear him say I love you. The tingly sensation that spreads to your spine declares the effect he has on you. Mason was the one for you, and it will take time to slowly gain back to a stronger relationship. You weren’t so quick to give up but he wasn’t either. Only fate knows how things will end, but in your mind the brown eyed and haired boy was for you.

“I love you Mason,” you lean down grabbing his chin and kiss his lips softly. He sucks in a breath and brings his hand to the back of your head deepening the kiss. He would never get tired of how your lips molded into his, the way you tasted across his lips had him in a daze, it was never enough. When you pull back your thumb pulls his bottom lip down. “This is just the start,” you recall.

“It is a start. But it’s the start to a happy ending for us.”

[b-biltz]

Tips and classes for Drawing and painting!

Hi!

The other day I saw a comment on Tumblr from someone who was just starting out in drawing and was using AI to help study their drawings. I decided to put together some resources that I know can help artists study and use as a reference without feeding this algorithm that is being so harmful to so many people in the artistic field.

Feel free to add more in the comments and reblogs!!!

Note: Some YouTube channels and profiles mentioned here I don't follow for so long or/and I didn't have time to analyze the content posted in full, but they were recommended by other people. Some channels/profiles are on these lists because of these recommendations or because they were useful with a post/video/tutorial at some point in my life. If there is any controversial/questionable conduct, I make it clear that I didn't know before posting! (We never know, right? hehehe)

LET'S GO:

1. You and your environment:

That's right, YOU. Your person and what you have available at home can be great references! Photos of family or friends, your pet, everyday objects that you barely pay attention to, the landscape around your house (even if it is not considered the most beautiful landscape or if it is just a wall), your food, the forgotten plant in the pot, your shoes, your clothes, your own body! They are physical objects, in YOUR hand, where you can rotate, position, arrange as you wish, and as a bonus you can do light studies on them with your cell phone's flashlight or natural daylight.

2. Follow your favorite artists and styles you like:

By following profiles of artists you like on social media, you can study their drawings, to understand how they do what they do, and, little by little, develop your art with your personality based on the styles you like!

Just be careful not to plagiarize! There's a difference in taking art from your artists to study, and keeping it for yourself and posting copies of other people's art or copying someone else's design! Study, understand and end up developing yours! DO NOT base your studies purely on the arts of others, but complement with them!

3. Follow photographers:

Photographer profiles are a treasure for anyone who likes to draw! There are photographers who capture images of people, animals, plants, landscapes, cities, etc. There are several categories! And different styles! Black and white, evidence in the shadows, play of colors and perspectives! It can be a fun exercise!

4. Follow model profiles:

Templates also provide good references. Today there is great variability in model profiles (if you know how to look well), and it can be a good exercise to design clothes and accessories on people! Study of fabric, movement, makeup and pigments in skin, hair, pose, among others

5. Media:

You can pause and take a screenshot of scenes you like from series, films, documentaries, cartoons, anime, or even take a panel from your favorite comic and draw it in your style, or study that image and try to copy it before applying in your style!

6. Pinterest:

The classic of classics! Great for references, using PHOTOS, of REAL people, animals, objects and landscapes. In addition, there are also several posts with drawing and painting tips, and even several mechanisms about various objects and elements, which can allow you to better understand the dynamics of what makes up your drawing, making your drawing, design and painting easier! There are even ready-made folders shared by other artists with several images, but you can make your own, in your own way! Mine have more than 60.000 pins!

7. Tumblr’s focused on tips for drawing and painting:

There are several names that we can mention and it is very easy to find these Tumblrs!

8. Follow artists here on tumblr:

These artists often share tips, techniques and brushes!

9. YouTube channels focused on drawing and painting:

There are several channels focused on art, tutorials, classes and drawing tips!

Some are: New Masters Academy; FZDSCHOOL; Proko; Alphonso Dunn; SamDoesArts; Marc Brunet; HABOOK; Brad's Art School; KeshArt; 조맹 Chommang_Drawing; NIRO; Sinix Design; Mmmmonexx; Draw like a Sir; fjordwind; Angel Ganev; Desenho Mestre; Pikat; One Pencil drawing; Bluebiscuits; SulaMoon; Uncomfortable; Bob Ross; Kevin Oil Painting; Fine Art Academy; Sycra; Moderndayjames; Kaycem; Tim Mcburnie - The Drawing Codex; Swatches; Ahmed Aldoori; Jordan Grimmer; Justin Donaldson

10. DAZ Studio:

It is a free program that allows you to model characters. You can customize and position the avatars however you see fit. You can even work with light incidence. You can also set up scenarios.

The free program already comes with some basic elements and on the website you can download more elements to compose your scene, such as other avatars, animals, objects, clothes, textures, among many others. However, it should be noted that some of these elements are paid. But the free basic elements already help A LOT in reference position, proportion, anatomy, scenery and study of light and shadow

11. Sketchfab:

It is a website that has several 3D elements generated by other artists. It has a free basic plan, with certain limitations, but it helps a lot when photos and other drawings are not enough for the pose you want!

12. PixelSquid:

It offers 3D models that can be useful for reference.

13. Floorplanner:

Allows you to create 2D and 3D house plans with a free account. This can help you with references to compose the scenario!

14.Dimensions:

It allows the notion of the dimension of different objects and figures.

15. Comparing Heights:

Website that allows you to compare heights between two figures

16. SculptGL:

Free basic 3D sculpting tool

17.Textures.com:

It has 3D molds and textures. There are free options in its gallery

18. Justsketch.me:

It has a free version with basic human models to create positions for reference. They are somewhat reminiscent of the articulated dolls used in the past.

19. Reference Angle:

Offers photographs of people that match the position of a 3D mold. You can select facial expressions

20. Photo reference X 3D model:

It gives you some 3D molds of human and animal skeletons and correlates the position you leave with photos

21.Bodies in motion:

Provides several stop motions of people moving. There is free and paid content

22. Sketchdaily:

A website that offers several reference photos for drawing, with different poses. You can select whether you want photos of structures, vegetation, animals, body parts, people and other specifications. One cool thing about this website is that you can choose to set a timer for the image, allowing you to leave it exposed for you to draw for 30 seconds to 1 hour (or not, you can choose to leave it without a timer).

23. Line-of-action:

It has an interface that is very similar to Sketchdaily, but the maximum time for displaying an image is 10 minutes. It has the categories of human figures, animals, hands & feet, faces & expressions and scenes & environment and basic shapes & still life.

24. Reference.pictures:

Site with several posed photos. However, there is paid content.

25. Croquis.cafe:

Various reference photos of people. Paid content

26. Pose tool:

Selection of multiple reference images that can be selected according to a filter

27. Clip Studio Tips:

Various digital drawing tips provided by the clip studio website itself

28. CecelyV:

Blog created by Cecely Valderrama (CecelyV) where she provides free tutorials

29. Drawawesome:

It has free content for artists

30.Will Kemp Art School:

A blog with free painting and drawing lessons

31. Blog Art Instruction:

Offers free art instruction. Created in 2007 by Ralph Serpe.

32. Draw Mix Paint:

Offers a series of tips, classes, videos and content focused on painting and drawing for free

33.The Dimensions of Colour:

Material created by David Briggs for coloring

34.Guide To Drawing:

A guide from Bill Martin

35.Artyfactory:

Offers some tutorials for free

36.Art Lessons Online:

This website has some free content

37. Ctrl+paint:

Offers a range of free and paid content

38. Drawspace:

It has free and paid drawing and painting courses

39. Paid classes:

Domestika

Sketchbook skool

Proko

Teacups

The Virtual Instructor

40. Color Palette Cinema:

Instagram account that creates and publishes palettes based on scenes from movies and series

41. Canvas color palettes:

Create color palettes from an image upload

I can do a drive collecting books for drawings too, but that's for another post or for someone's reblog hehe

[kiirotoao]

Re: Byler and being best friends

Alright, look, I understand that in real life, best friends can appreciate each other’s art. Best friends look for each other when they’re lost. Best friends stick together in rough patches. Best friends fight and disagree. Best friends apologize when they’ve messed up. Best friends give each other gifts. Best friends confide in each other with almost everything. Best friends can do romantic things and be completely and utterly platonic in real life.

But guess what Stranger Things is not? Real life!!

If any story in media is well-captured and well-written, if the camera sees it, if we see it, then it’s supposed to be important. While friends in real life can do the most questionably romantic things and still claim to be just friends or even just best friends, there’s far more nuance to real people to explore if it’s truly romantic or not, and that’s not for others to openly discern. But we who analyze Byler are not doing this because Mike and Will are real people. They’re characters, crafted into this audio-visual story with pre-written and exclusive history and dreams.

While I know that they say they’re just best friends, I speculate on them potentially being more. Why? Because their stories are interwoven and I see chemistry within the threads. It’s as simple as that.

I preach at the end of almost every video I make, “Byler’s endgame,” and really, that’s a sendoff of encouragement more than anything else. Because I hope and believe that Byler can happen at the end of this season and this overarching story. I’m not pushing two people together. I’m hopeful to see two characters come together and realize that their relationship and feelings can blend into a wonderfully written romance amidst this dangerous and unpredictable world that they’ve been put in.

So please stop comparing Mike and Will to real relationships and saying, can’t best friends just be best friends? Look, yes! You’re right! In real life, best friends can be nothing more and choose to stay that way. But on the other hand, hey, best friends in real life can also become more! No one can deny that! But whatever the weather, whatever can be real isn’t relevant. Real lives are not a TV show. Real lives are not being created and publicized (besides some people in reality TV, which is another unrelated issue). By contrast, as characters, Mike and Will’s lives are. And I love the thought of them finding love in each other at the end of the pages. It gets no finer than that.

And so when I look back at their narratives and see the way they treat each other, interact on screen and see how they think, tell me, am I wrong for shipping them? I’m taking the details and looking beyond explicit labels. And I don’t just go around doing this to all people I see in my life who have chemistry. This is specific, this is the love I witness in this thriller-drama-romance. I’m sorry if I end up fighting against you, but I’m not here to crowd you out. Ship what you want. If you love certain characters together, talk about them! There’s a plethora to talk about for Byler! So honestly, I’m curious, why are you compelled to come to me and try to convert me away from what I love when I often don’t even mention your name? Is there not enough for you to obsess over and love? Is there perhaps not enough textual evidence or good moments to enjoy for your ship? I’m just saying.

At the end of the day, real life experiences and examples are practically void when we’re talking about art, and please, please let me have fun with my ships. This is the internet. If you don’t like it, use your capabilities and settings and scroll or block what you don’t like, and pursue what you do. Unless you want to join a forum to discuss the arguments, I think that it’s unfair to think that those who don’t ship your ship are going to talk about your ship. I’m not responsible for what you consume and see. Really, no one is but yourself.

I like to think that I’m rather patient, but I don’t know, I think I’m tearing at the seams a little after a few years in this fandom. This is directed to no one in particular, though, so please don’t take this as a direct callout. I just wanted to get this off my chest. Sorry if I got a little harsh in the end, there, too.

Thank you to those who’ve engaged very respectfully with me even if you disagree with my opinions. I hope that I’m respectful, in turn. I love lighthearted debates, but I don’t love repeating myself to some who don’t want to listen. And of course, thank you Bylers. I’ve met so many wonderful people through our silly journeys going crazy together. That’s all. 💙💛

[eddieshellscape]

i just wanted to go on a fandom rant bc i'm tired and I love analyzing media.

So i've been a huge fan of x-men since like middle school and my otp in the fandom has and always will be scogan. It started off as me being like "oooh enemies to lovers they hate each other but they also kinda are into it" to like actually growing to appreciate the nuances of the characters and how they can bring out the best in each other. Like Scott is such a leader who feels like he needs the be the responsible one all the time. He's like that one person who always feels like they need to be stable all the time because if they aren't then they think everyone else will fall apart. There are many interpretations of the character, but that's how I view him. LOGAN on the other hand is like short little angry bastard man who likes pushing peoples buttons because he's afraid of getting attached to anyone bc he could hurt them or just outlive them since he's like freaking 100 something years old atp. He also has an insane healing factor so he's like practically immortal (i refuse to watch the logan movie bc i know he dies in it) so I like to headcannnon that he doesn't often take basic care of himself. Like he probably is like out in freezing temps and doesn't bundle up bc he won't get sick/die from it, but that doesn't mean he doesn't need to take care of himself.

And then together you get Logan who helps Scott loosen up and be less uptight and worried about being super perfect around him, because logan's never the type of guy you have to be super presentable around. And scott cares so much about everyone he helps logan remember to take care of himself and I just bet they find so much comfort in each other and like oererfhhhhhhh. Marvel let me make an x-men movie i will be so normal about it I swearrrr.

Also, in most of the x-men media i've watched/read, Jean has like no personality or like,,, isn't relevant to what I'm talking about, but i think a scott/logan/jean polycule could be cute if someone actually gave that girl a personality (i'm looking at you, movies)

wahoo rant over

[missjomarch]

It Used to be Different

Nico Hischier x reader

Warnings: body dysmorphia/insecurity, disordered eating (tiniest bit)

A/n: idk what this is, but I’m in my feels and slightly projecting so here we are. I’m too tired and it’s too late to edit it this but I want to post so sorry for the errors🫶

Nico Hischier doesn’t give two flying fucks about your weight.

You got together when you were both 21, and a lot has changed since then. Including your bodies. Nico doesn’t look the same as he did 3 years ago, having packed on plenty of muscle during his time in the NHL, and neither do you. Lately, you’ve become increasing aware of the relatively new changes to your body and can’t help but wonder when you began to let yourself go. It was nothing excessive, just a few extra pounds and maybe some new stretch marks here and there. But as a hockey girlfriend who’s always in the public eye, you were over analyzing everything. Nit-picking your appearance before the media could do it for you. You knew Nico would disappointed to hear your thoughts about yourself, but you couldn’t help it. You were busy, having just graduated college and in the middle of earning your masters degree, and had hardly any time to maintain a workout routine. And the “second puberty” you’d heard women talk about hitting in their mid-20s was no joke. Your body definitely didn’t bounce back like it used to after a night out at 21.

You had been upset over it for 2 weeks now, and Nico was beginning to notice. You weren’t eating as much and were quieter than normal. The first few days you were able to chalk it up to stress, but your boyfriend was becoming increasingly dissatisfied with that answer. You currently paced your shared room trying to picking your outfit for the game tonight. Nico watched from the bed as you grabbed item after item, throwing it on before taking it right back off and discarding it roughly. He knew you were indecisive, but it had never been this bad. And you had never particularly cared about your gameday outfits, caring more about the game than having the perfect red and black WAG attire. He watched intently as you continued your charade, slight confused as to why you would barely look into the mirror you stood in front of. The pieces began to click in Nico’s mind as he noticed the way your eyes caught on your figure in the mirror when you were in between tops, his heart breaking slightly as he noted the disgust in your eyes. He got up off the bed, slowly making his way over to you. You stood still now, staring at the mess you created on the floor as you sensed your lover’s movement behind you.

Nico reached to touch your arm cautiously, not wanting to startle you. When you didn’t react he moved to slide his arm around your waist, pulling you back against his bare chest.

“What’s wrong, love?” Nico questioned, his other hand came up to move your hair away from your neck. You still didn’t reply, not even as Nico began placing soft kisses to your shoulder. He lifted his hand to your cheek to turn your face to his, his brows turn downward in concern. “Baby?”

Your eyes glistened with tears as you finally turned your face to him. Nico’s heart shattered at the broken look on your face, and he wondered just how long you’d been suffering without him knowing.

“Do you…” you stuttered slightly, exhaling strongly to steady your nerves, “Do you still think I’m beautiful?” You lifted your eyes to meet his.

Nico gaped back at you, not understanding how you could ever think he saw you as less than perfect. He turned you around to face him and brought both hands up to rest on the sides of your face. His thumbs swiped quickly at the tears that had spilled.

“Baby, you’re still as perfect as the day I met you. More so, even.” He insisted, leaning to place a soft kiss on your forehead. Your hands gripped his wrists that framed your head.

“But I don’t look the same. I used to be so much smaller and-”

“I don’t look the same either, y/n. We were still kids when we got together. And over the past 3 years I’ve had the privilege of watching you grow into an incredibly strong, successful, and self-sufficient woman. And I’ve loved every second of it. I never thought you could get any more beautiful than when I first laid eyes on you, but boy did you prove me wrong,” Nico shook his head, still in slight disbelief. You leaned up to place a soft kiss to his lips.

“God I love you,” you mumbled into the kiss. You felt Nico’s lips curve into a slight smile.

“I love you more, but I wish you wouldn’t tear yourself down like this. I can’t stand to see you upset.”

“I know,” you agreed, “it’s just so hard.”

Nico sighed and pulled you into another kiss, this one more intense than the last. You pulled away, your breathing slightly labored. But Nico was immediately pulling you back in by your chin.

“Let me show you,” he mumbles.

“What?”

Nico pulls back just enough to look you in the eyes as he says, “let me show you how gorgeous you are.” All you can do is stare back at him, “okay?”

You nodded, unable to give any verbal confirmation as you wonder what he has planned. Soon you’re being scooped up and walked to the bed.

Nico worshipped you like never before, it felt like he spent hours on his knees before you. He must’ve kissed every inch of your skin at least twice, and he never let go of you as he proved to you just how beautiful he thinks you are.

[voidspiraling]

Man what is it with IvanTill and being small in the comp but having such meaningful interactions.

TWICE THEY USED THIS COMPOSITION TWICE

UR NOT SLICK I SEE U (I already analyzed the last two pic in another post so imma yap abt something else)

Anyways abt the red sky have you guys heard of the saying “Red sky in morning, sailor take warning, Red sky at night, sailor’s delight”? I think it comes from the Bible but there’s a scientific explanation for that “sunlight traveling through a long path of dirty atmosphere at sunrise or sunset is made up of primarily the reddish wavelengths when it reaches the observer”

(Source:

Hehe I did research)

To sum it up, when it’s a red sky during sunrise that means bad weather is coming. When it’s a red sky during sunset that means good weather is coming! This is in the context of being on a boat in the middle of the ocean but I am delusional so I am applying it here.

Red skies are also used in media to represent doomsday or the end of the world, looking at you Evangelion and Genshin. Red can also symbolize danger. So while Ivan and Till are running through their awful and tragic world, they’re actually heading to a better tomorrow (💔 except they don’t but whatever) The downside however is that they’re running in the opposite directions that the stars, meteors whatever, are falling. There’s a superstition that stars falling to the left symbolize bad luck (not backed by science just superstition). And generally when we see shooting stars depicted in media, the characters generally move in the direction the stars are moving, almost like they’re chasing after it. There’s two conflicting ideas here, running from your awful reality towards a better tomorrow vs. leaving behind your dreams (for Till it’s singing probably) and running to a doomed future.

Another thing I wanna point out is how far IvanTill actually got. The main focus of that part was of Till letting go of Ivan’s hand, sacrificing freedom so he could avoid the unknown. But Till actually went with Ivan most of the way. If only Ivan held on tighter maybe Till would’ve felt more secure and would’ve taken the final step to freedom. 🫠

Anywho the pic of Till looking at Ivan against a background of everyone leaving the garden shows how loving Ivan is associated with freedom to Till. But what does the meteor shower scene symbolize since we’ve only ever seen it from Ivan’s perspective. (A nice person told me that in the art book Till ran away cuz he was afraid of freedom prob bc he’s a kid in an unknown world. So Till def doesn’t have any positive feelings abt this moment… probably. Idk anything abt Till tho so take my yapping with a grain of salt)

Well well well depression my old friend. Here we see Ivan’s distorted perception in real time! Can you spot the inconsistencies here? After my 429th watching Round 3, I noticed that things don’t make sense here. Like specifically the distance between Ivan and Till, right after Till lets go both of them stop moving. So they should be standing closer together, instead Till gets smaller and smaller, the distance between the two becoming larger. Logically after Till lets go he should only be a couple of steps behind Ivan.

Another thing is the shift in focus. Ivan starts out the main focus, probably to highlight his shock. But I think it also shows where Ivan’s attention was in this flashback. Ivan likely assumed he and Till were on the same page, so he just focused on himself and doing what he thought would be the best to do given the situation. However that was just Ivan’s assumption he never actually understood Till, as seen as Ivan being in focus and Till being blurry. He watched Till constantly but he never truly paid attention to Till.

Now we see Till in focus. This is probably when Ivan finally recognizes Till, and realizes that Till feels differently abt this situation. But even though Till is in focus we (Ivan) can’t see his face. In fact we know from the Round 6 video that all Ivan saw was the back of Till’s head as he was running away.

The exaggerated distance and the shift in focus shows the moment where Ivan felt rejected. I think before this Ivan was in love with Till and assumed that Till loved him back. Otherwise why would we spend so much time together? Why would you let me lean on your shoulder as you draw?

If Ivan thought his love was unrequited, that Till never liked him, he wouldn’t have bothered running away with Till. Bc he would have known that Till would never leave with him. However I think he knew that they were mutual and that’s why he schemed to run away together.

This lil idiot forgot to tell Till about it tho. I remember reading that Ivan was actually very quiet and had speech delays. So while Ivan was plotting his getaway with his wife he never told Till what was going on. This left Till disoriented and confused, and generally when we get pushed too far out of our comfort zone we retreat back to what is familiar no matter how unsafe it is.

The main point is that this red sky scene is the moment where Ivan loses all objective perspective on his and Till’s relationship. Its where he gets the (wrong) belief that Till never loved him, never cared about him. Because he assumed that the reason Till left was because he didn’t want to run away with Ivan. To Till it was fear of the freedom and the unknown that made him run back. To Ivan it was rejection that made Till run back.

In essence this scene represents heartbreak moments before their happy ending. IvanTill attempts at happiness have left them in a deeper pit. With Till being haunted by the consequences of his choices, and Ivan spiraling and feeling lonelier than ever. IvanTill is about miscommunication but also about how people who care so much about each other are being ripped apart because of the world they live in.

This moment happened when they were kids and it never got resolved, it was so romantic and hopeful but now it is just another shackle.

That’s IvanTill ig ;-;

Also poor Ivan, that’s why you believed Till never loved you. And why you assume that nothing you do will make Till like you. You and ur low self esteem just self sabotage everything. I mean is it even possible to fall in love with someone who is that indifferent to you. You could be attracted sure, but to go so far for someone who doesn’t even like you. I’m pretty sure Ivan knew on some level that Till liked him, but after this perceived rejection he becomes fearful of being wrong again. Of being rejected again. So now he just assumes the worst all the time.

And the mind is a powerful thing, if you believe something hard enough it becomes a personal truth. This makes it even harder for their relationship to move forward. It’s why their love isn’t just love but obsessive and filled with hate.

God being in love sucks idk why doomed yaoi couples do it anyways.

[sportswriters]

i think i like you - k. havertz

pairing: kai havertz x female!reader | a, f, s | mutual pining, co-workers to lovers | wc: 5,107 | warnings: 18+ readers only! | 🖊: ella

the sound of hurried footsteps coming from the corridor broke the current of silence that filled the white room. normally, i wouldn't be so distracted at this point, but rubbing my temple with unnecessary force, while there was a pile of papers on the table that i needed to sign and analyze, i gave in and accepted the reality that i didn't have strength for anything.

i huffed loudly, rubbing my face with both hands as i mentally cursed myself. this wasn't supposed to be happening.

none of this was supposed to happen.

a knock on the door caught my attention and i immediately stood up and looked towards the door to find one of the chelsea players.

“oh, hi, mount,” i greeted, with a smile that i believed to be genuine. “do you need anything?”

the team's midfielder didn't answer me straight away. there was a half-smile on his lips, as if he was trying to decide whether to come for some plausible reason. i looked at him with a mixture of confusion and uncertainty, nodding slightly for him to enter the room at once.

“mason?”

he closed the door behind him and stared at me, rubbing his hands together. i could tell he was completely sweaty through his national team training shirt.

“sorry, y/n, it's…” he started. “i don't need anything. it's just... are you mad at kai?”

the mere mention of his name made my heart race an octave faster. i hated not being able to control my body's emotions. i didn't think anyone would have that slight power over me, yet kai had that effect.

“what?”

the badge around my neck announced me as part of chelsea's medical team: my name - nutritionist. i accepted the temporary position so that carrie could take her maternity leave without any problems and, as it was a job with an expiration date, i didn't want to get too involved with the team staff. however, they had other plans. carrie let me know that she used to be close to the players and, as her replacement for a few months, they treated me as if i'd been part of the team for years. they called me by my first name and were always inviting me to their private parties, although i didn't always go. i got on well with all of them, without exception.

it was just that... kai was the problem.

when i arrived here three months ago, the team was having a very bad season in the premier league. he was a bit explosive with almost everything and was under pressure from both the media and the fans. his mood became impossible on some days and, on a day when we were reviewing the players' diets, he started to take refuge in my office and we ended up forming a bond.

a bond that led to something else, that led to something else and...

“i asked if you were angry with havertz,” mount explained, scratching the back of his head.

i took a deep breath and stared at him, still a little confused.

“i understood what you were asking,” i replied. “but why would i be angry with him?”

okay, i hadn't spoken to the german in a week. it was probably stupid of me to avoid him all the time, but i hadn't taken the job of being carrie's understudy to go out with the reputation of someone who got involved with the players. that didn't make me professional in the slightest, so after the chilwell party, when we finally kissed, i panicked and left.

it wasn't his fault. he had a very well-established career within the club and could get involved with whoever he wanted, but not me. i was a woman in a mostly male environment and any attitude could be seen and turned into something bigger than it was. kai didn't understand; i refused all his messages and calls and asked him to stop visiting me in my office.

still, i didn't have any plausible reason to be angry with him. in fact, the situation should have been quite the opposite.

“the diet,” mason spoke again, as if that sentence was enough to make me understand what was going on. however, when he saw that my confused expression remained the same, he added: “you've cut soft drinks out of his diet, do you know what that means?”

oh, shit.

they all followed an individual diet, even if there were similarities in the menu. each player had different needs, as was the case with kai havertz, who was a self-confessed coca cola and orange soda addict. he felt he needed to drink at least one can of soda a day, believing that it made him perform better in games and, even though i said it could be psychological and a placebo effect, it was still an addiction. that's why his diet, approved by carrie before me, allowed him a little soda a day. and i hadn't changed a bit.

“i’m not angry with him,” i clarified, turning to the piles of papers scattered on the table. “and i haven't cut anything out of his diet. i was going to do a new review next week, but even so, i didn't intend to cut anything out.”

mount crossed his arms, leaning his waist on my desk for support. i started looking for a specific folder, wanting to make sure what had happened.

“he's been in a terrible mood for days,” the midfielder uttered. “it's almost unbearable to train with him. cutting soft drinks out of his diet doesn't seem to be going to make him any better.”

i moistened my lips and turned my face towards the player.

“i've already told you that i haven't cut anything out of his diet, you can stop with the hints,” i defended myself, finally finding the folder with kai's name on it. “three interns arrived this week, they had the task of memorizing your fucking diet and not changing it.”

i took a deep breath, trying not to get upset. my head began to throb slowly, increasing my strong desire to be tucked up in a warm bed and sleep for the rest of the day just to avoid possible stress.

“i'm sorry, mount.”

it wasn't in my nature to swear in front of the players or anyone else i used to work with. i tried at all costs to remain impeccable in a professional environment, but sometimes things just slipped out.

“what happened at chilwell's party?,” he ignored my apology, being so straightforward in his question that it almost took me by surprise.

i hadn't expected kai to actually go around telling people that we had kissed, but i figured that at least mount would know about it. he knew almost everything.

i let the air out of my mouth, controlling my excitement and, ignoring the folder on my lap, raised my face to face the midfielder.

“he kissed me.”

mason opened his mouth, but then closed it, as if he didn't know exactly what to say. even so, his expression didn't seem surprised, which indicated to me that he suspected it.

“wait a minute, was it mutual?,” he asked doubtfully. “i mean, he didn't kiss you against your…”

“no, mount, of course not,” i interrupted his train of thought before he could finish his sentence, understanding his concern. “i wanted that too.”

what the hell, how was i going to explain the situation? it was weird to be venting to someone who was my patient — while at the same time always willing to be a friend —, a familiar face in a place that was totally new to me. when i arrived here and got lost, mount took the time to introduce me to every bit of the club's space.

“was the kiss bad?,” he asked again. “i don't think havertz has a reputation for sweeping women off their feet that quickly, but everything has a first time, right?”

i laughed, shaking my head. i straightened the folders from my lap and put them back on the table, with havertz's file on top.

“how many women work here?,” i began, looking at him with a neutral expression.

his forehead took on a new wrinkle of confusion, his arms crossed over his chest, the strands of his hair against his forehead, wet with sweat.

“i'm not angry with havertz, i don't even have a good reason to be,” i explained, getting up from the chair. “the kiss wasn't bad, on the contrary, it was so good that...” i huffed, rubbing my temple again, opening a small smile, my eyes fixed on mount. “i can't get involved with him, mason. i've worked hard to earn my place and yet i'm not here for good. i'm replacing carrie and i know what kind of rumors would start swirling around the halls the moment they found out i was involved with a player on the team. this is a mainly male environment and i have to prove myself all the time.”

mason didn't say anything immediately. he took a deep breath and looked at me with an expression i couldn't decipher. i thought he wasn't going to say anything, but then he surprised me:

“prove it to who?,” he asked. i was about to open my mouth and reply, but apparently he wasn't expecting an answer, so he continued: “you deserve to be here. you deserve to be anywhere and that should be enough for you, y/n.”

i blinked, feeling bewildered by the words, but at the same time strangely comfortable. i didn't need anyone to validate me in anything, but i couldn't deny the feeling of belonging somewhere.

“i understand your point, but i don't think you should let your life revolve around this,” the midfielder continued. “you could be missing out on incredible things, you know? and kai is...” he sort of rolled his eyes, giving me a genuine smile and shrugging. “you know we've had a bad season here at chelsea. before that, havertz also had a bad time at the world cup with germany. all this added up to enormous pressure on him as a player, requiring him to start delivering positive results.”

i swallowed, remembering the first time i saw kai standing in my office doorway, his knuckles bruised. he had a defeated expression and an even worse mood, but he never took anything out on me.

“what i'm saying is this,” he got off the table and stood in front of me, a little more distance between us. “kai had been feeling like shit for months. nothing motivated him and it was starting to get annoying. we all have periods like that, but his was lasting a long time, longer than usual. when you arrived, something changed, y/n. the guy really likes you.”

i felt my heart skip a beat. i was aware of it, kai himself had already told me, but having someone else point it out to me was a different perception. i was risking something good for a job that wasn't even permanent. my temporary contract would end in two weeks, when carrie would finally return.

what did i have to lose?

“i'm not pressuring you to do anything,” mason clarified, with a reassuring smile. “but there's nothing wrong with taking a little risk sometimes.”

he winked at me and waved goodbye, then left me alone, the sound of the door being closed waking me from my stupor of thoughts. i gulped and stared at the folder on top of the others, kai's name written in my handwriting on an orange post-it note.

i went through all the information, found the change in his diet — signed by an intern — and redid everything. when the new papers were correctly printed, i threw the others away, signed what i was supposed to and attached everything to the folder again. holding it in one hand, i put my hair up in a bun, took off my white coat and put my badge around my neck, leaving the room.

the talk with mason was still fresh in my mind. my heart was still beating faster than usual, my pulse racing, the idea of a risky decision dawning on me. at that moment, i didn't want to think too much.

as i walked through the corridors that would lead me to the field, i turned around and entered the huge cafeteria.

“hey, carter," i greeted the boy behind the counter. “how are you?”

he flashed an infectious smile at me, raising his closed hand in a fist bump to exchange a beat with me, which i returned. he was much younger than me and worked in the canteen part-time while he was at college.

“hi, y/l/n,” he said. “how can i help you?”

“i heard havertz is in a bad mood,” i replied, grimacing.

carter laughed, nodding in agreement.

“and whose fault is that?,” he replied, amused. “someone changed his diet.”

i denied it, waving the folder in the air and pointing at him.

“it was a misunderstanding,” i explained. “i need to fix it. his diet is still the same as before, okay? can i have a can of coke?”

he nodded, went to the fridge and, in less than 30 seconds, returned with an icy can of coke. i thanked him and said goodbye, making my way back down the corridor, but just as i was about to reach the training ground, kai was coming right up to me, his head down, one hand holding a towel around his neck.

he looked the same as always — his muscles tense, his body sweaty, strands of hair stuck to his forehead. he hadn't seen me yet, but i decided to announce my presence. there was no one else there but the two of us.

“hi.”

he stopped walking instantly when he recognized the sound of my voice. i noticed that my hands were a bit sweaty, one holding the folder and the other the can of coke. the forward looked up at me, his expression half rigid and half confused, as if he was trying to understand something.

“this is for you.”

i took a step further, breaking the distance between us, but keeping a safe space. i held out the can of coke to him, who hesitantly accepted it.

“what are you doing?,” he finally asked me.

“improving your mood,” i replied.

kai stared at the can, then kept his eyes fixed on me. the towel was slung over his shoulder and, even though he was all sweaty, i could still smell the lavender scent of his soap. and i wasn't even that close to him. when he raised an eyebrow, silently asking for an explanation, i let my shoulders drop and lifted the folder in front of my chin, showing him his name in my handwriting.

“i gave the new interns a task,” i began to explain, not wanting to look away from him for even a second. “they had to study each of your cases, because some of you have different diets. if they thought something should be changed, they should talk to me first, but they didn't do that. i haven't taken your addiction out of your diet, kai, you can still drink a little soda a day.”

he nodded, his expression impassive. the silence between us lasted long seconds, until he finally said something.

“just for the record,” he began, holding up the can. “i didn't think you'd changed anything. it would be a rather cruel revenge.”

i laughed, putting the folder down.

“i have no reason to take revenge on you.”

kai swallowed. i barely noticed that he had taken two steps closer and was dangerously close to me, our faces just an inch apart. the scent of lavender he exuded intensified even more and i half held my breath.

“i thought you were going to keep ignoring me,” he confessed in a whisper.

my heart heaved in my chest and my hands tingled to touch the skin on his face.

“i don't have the means to ignore you, kai,” i said, as if it were obvious. “i'm still your nutritionist for another two weeks.”

he shrugged.

“apparently, you have interns now,” he replied, with impressive simplicity. “i could talk through them.”

“i like being professional.”

kai gave up continuing the little discussion. instead, his eyes darkened and he stared at me with a new intensity, surprising me with a statement i’d heard before, but which still had the same effect on me.

“i told you i liked you,” he whispered.

i swallowed, affected by his words. i felt like a complete teenage idiot, acting as if it was the first time someone had said they liked me. i was young enough to have experienced the famous butterflies in the stomach, but it was different this time. more intense.

“no,” i whispered back, holding the folder tightly against my fingers. “you said ‘i think i like you’”.

kai moistened his lips and nodded slowly, glancing around briefly before turning those clear eyes back to me.

“i like you,” he corrected himself and i let the air escape through my mouth.

mason was right.

realizing now the effect kai havertz was having on me at that very moment, i couldn't think of a clear reason why i shouldn't be doing this. i gave him a genuine, suggestive smile and, looking for a more private space, gently took his hand and pulled him into the massage room with me, which, luckily, was empty.

he didn't hesitate or complain. he just followed me silently and slipped into the room while i locked the door behind me. i threw the folder on a small coffee table and didn't take my eyes off that man for a second.

“kiss me again,” i asked.

his expression was pure lust. he got rid of the towel and the can of coke, putting it in the same place as my folder and, without wasting any time, broke the distance between our bodies and crashed his lips against mine, his hand gripping the root of my nape with enough force to leave me intoxicated. his scent invaded me more intensely and i tried to decipher all the sensations i was experiencing with his kiss and his intimate touch on my skin, but it was too much.

instead, i focused on the physical sensations. i brought my hands up to his neck, messing up the wet strands of his hair even more, and slowly pushed him towards a small massage bed that was provided in the living room. when there was no further to go, the kiss was broken when he fell onto the bed, pulling me onto his lap.

“you're so beautiful, kai,” i whispered, feeling like i could say all these things right now.

i touched the side of his face with both hands and melted almost completely when he gave me his smile. the german player smoothed the insides of my thighs and worked his way up the side of my body.

“y/n.”

i felt him hard beneath me, the urgency of his mouth seeking mine again. i satisfied him with a kiss that was even more urgent than the previous one and took the opportunity to get rid of his sweatshirt, our mouths moving apart for a very quick second, just long enough for the shirt to slip over his head and be thrown to the floor. contently, i began to explore his now bare skin, my short nails scratching every bit of defined skin, the moans escaping through the kiss.

“this isn't fair,” he whispered against my mouth, playing with the hem of my shirt. “i want to lick your breasts. can i?”

i felt something warm between my legs, my arousal growing by the minute. i helped him get rid of my shirt and bra, revealing my swollen breasts, the nipple hard, pinker than i'd ever seen it. i was eager for the touch of his mouth, but kai first grabbed both breasts with his hands and followed a path of kisses, starting at my neck and going down until, finally, he sucked on one of the breasts with a hunger i didn't know he was feeling.

“kai.”

he bit and sucked, giving me a maddening friction of pleasure. my pussy began to throb, uncomfortable against my panties, the dampness soaking through the cotton cloth. i know that if he slid a finger inside me, it would slip in with impressive ease. i'd been wet for him for months, without even touching myself, just building up a fucking wetness, dreaming of the moment when it would all come true. how could i not allow myself to do that? to all the wonders his mouth was performing?

“kai.”

moaning his name was my new favorite thing and, judging by his reaction to my body, i'd say it was his new favorite thing too. i enjoyed that growing intimacy between us, the fact that he was exploring my body as if it was the only thing that mattered, as if his mouth's job was exactly to suck on my breast, as if, oh my, that was so good.

kai alternated between one breast and the other, my heart beating faster than usual. as i wriggled in his lap, i rubbed against his even harder cock, a pained moan escaping his lips. threading my fingers through his hair, i pulled his face away from my breasts and stared into his eyes.

“i wanna have you in my mouth too.”

kai blinked, a little dazed, as if he'd been taken by surprise, but he recovered quickly, his hands tightening the skin around my waist.

“i...” he tried to say, but the words wouldn't come out; instead, he agreed with a quick, anxious nod. “yes, please, y/n.”

i flashed him a smile and got off his lap, kneeling right in front of him. he was about to take off the rest of his clothes, but i slapped his hand away, eliciting a delighted laugh from him, who pretended to surrender, his hands raised with his palms facing upwards.

“i didn't know you liked being aggressive,” he teased.

i put my hand on his hard cock, still on top of the cloth, and rubbed it lightly, the pupils of his eyes reacting to my touch.

“you'll find that i like to do a lot of things,” i teased back, starting to pull down his dark blue chelsea shorts. “i hope one of them is sucking you off.”

he gasped, lifting his hips just enough so that i could slide his clothes down his thighs.

“i also think i'm going to find that i really like this side of you,” he murmured, a short smile on his lips.

i don't know if i'll ever be able to understand how i feel about this man, but i decided to leave rational thoughts for another time. at that moment, i only wanted one thing and my body was begging for it, so when his cock finally sprang out after i had thrown his clothes on the floor with the others, i held it in one hand, feeling the roughness of his skin. kai breathed heavily and closed his eyes for a few seconds, enjoying the sensation of pleasure i was causing him as i started to stroke him so slowly that i felt like i was being tortured right there.

eager for more, i brought my face closer and finally put him in my mouth, my tongue taking the place of my hand in the action. he opened his eyes and stared at me with pure intensity, the back of my neck shivering. i wanted to keep that moment in my memory for a long time. i continued the back and forth motion, feeling his moans fill the room, his body becoming erect so that he could use his hands to work his way down my body. he reached for my shoulders, squeezing them and i sucked even harder, stuffing him into my mouth as far as he would go.

“you're so...” he tried to say through his moans, but the words wouldn't come out.

kai arched his back, my other hand squeezing his balls. he held my hair by the back of my neck, hard enough to make me even hornier and more committed to keep oon pleasing him. my pussy was still throbbing, soaking through my panties, and when he realized that i was starting to rub my thighs together because of the slight discomfort, he took his cock out of my mouth, under my protest.

“come here.”

he put me on his lap, brushing the strands of hair out of my face and caressing my left cheek. it was such an intimate moment that, for a second, i was embarrassed to be the target of his intense gaze.

“you saved me, you know that?” he whispered.

i shook my head, my two hands holding each side of his face, feeling a little more affected than usual by his words. yes, he was terrible when i arrived, almost on the verge of self-destruction, but i wasn't responsible for his salvation.

“that's very kind,” i whispered back, with a smile. “but you know that's not true.”

he let out a sound of protest, pulling me even tighter around the waist, the shock of our lips making me shiver again. the kiss was no longer urgent; there was no need to rush to get to know each other. instead, he started slowly, exploring, giving me sensations i never thought i'd feel again.

“you saved me,” he said again against my mouth and between kisses. “when, even though it wasn't your job, you listened to me complain for a whole hour in your living room.”

he made me get up quickly, just so that i could get rid of the rest of my clothes and we could finally be the same. he looked at my body with a new smile and pulled me back onto his lap, searching for my mouth, my pussy dangerously close to his cock, but he didn't mind the closeness.

we both had obligations to fulfill outside, but neither of us seemed inclined to finish this so quickly. not when we'd waited months for it.

“when you made me eat pizza, even though you were my nutritionist and the first to recommend that i cut that kind of thing out of my diet,” he continued, drawing a hearty laugh from me. “and made me forget about the problems of the outside world with long, endless movies that i never found out the end of because i fell asleep in the middle.”

he kissed me again and i smiled against his mouth.

“a tolerable flaw,” i confessed.

“but you saved me, y/n, when you started believing in me, when all i did was doubt,” kai said. “i felt like the world was against me, but you made it seem just the opposite.”

my breathing became heavy and this time i kissed him, feeling my heart speed up more than usual. he couldn't keep saying those things to me. it would be impossible not to sink into the wave of feelings that i was beginning to realize i was feeling. if i did, there would be no turning back.

“kai.”

his thumb caressed my cheek and i felt contemplated under his intense gaze.

“yes?”

feeling more than need, i rocked my hips against his lap and finally spoke:

“please fuck me.”

he smiled. the next second, he wasted no time and, testing my wetness with two fingers, he finally penetrated me, the moan trapped in my throat finally escaping.

“oh, that's it…”

the words wouldn't come out of my mouth either. i dug my nails into his shoulders, his hands wrapped around my waist, helping me move my hips in a slow up-and-down motion. his cock filled me completely and i watched as he took the two fingers from before into his mouth, tasting where he had touched me. we didn't look away from each other for half a second. our moans mingled, our mouths searched for each other, our hands explored each other's bodies, heightening the mix of new sensations and intensifying the pleasure as he increased the speed of his thrusts.

our bodies sweated together, our mouths whispered unreasonable words and our laughter became one.

kai laid our bodies down, getting on top of me, never ceasing to maintain the consistency of his thrusts. he took advantage of his free hand and began to caress my swollen and sensitive clitoris. i was no longer able to silence my moans and his mouth had to silence me, as i felt my whole body begin to spasm with pleasure.

“kai,” i whispered against his mouth, unable to say more than that.

he slammed into me even harder, his face contorted with arousal, our mouths inches from each other.

“i know, i just...” he said and i nodded.

i moved my hips against his, tangling my legs together, wanting our bodies to stay as close as possible, the skin-to-skin contact comforting me. i was about to come, but i didn't want to do it without him, so i tried to hold back as much as possible so that he too could climax along with me.

“fuck,” he moaned, resting his forehead against mine and stopping to rub my clitoris.

when he squeezed my thighs together and his whole body arched against mine, i knew he was close. kai gave one last thrust, the orgasm hitting me, and  he pulled out, his cum staining the space around us. he rubbed his face with both hands and threw himself down beside me, our bodies satisfied and sweaty. i tried to normalize my breathing and turned my face, staring at the silhouette of his body, his relaxed post-pleasure expression. he was still staring at the ceiling and, without thinking, my hand reached for his and i intertwined our fingers, drawing his attention to me.

i still felt incapable of beginning to understand my feelings at that moment, but i knew enough to be sure of what i wanted.

“you're fucking beautiful,” he said, pressing his fingers against mine.

i smiled and moved closer. when my face was close to his, i stole a kiss and stared into his eyes.

“you know what, kai?,” i whispered, watching his eyes light up. “i think like you too.”

[ruminate88]

Emotional Barriers:

What is this wall between us??? I look at my husband and think “He has to be a good one. Look at the peaceful life I now have since I’ve met him.” I think he’s got so much potential and quality as a person… What’s this wall between us?

I remind myself how Cody would put up a wall with me and I would knock it down and beg him to trust me… 😔🥺 It never stopped him from rebuilding it and eventually he ghosted me. Then when I’m with Andrew, one minute he’s extremely intimate towards me without boundaries. Sending me selfies from his shower, not holding back anything but then randomly disappears for days. Totally shutting me out with no contact. I felt he kept me at an arms length most of the time accept when randomly he would “reward me” with letting me close again.

After I started to date my husband, not even a month later, Andrew is back trying to FaceTime me and I felt he didn’t want me to be happy with someone else yet, Andrew says he has a “girlfriend” and rubs it in. Posting about her on his social media hoping I’ll see it and be jealous of her. (I was but I just didn’t understand it all) I cried so much that I thought my new man/husband would dump me for still having feelings for my ex. He didn’t though!!! He asked me to marry him less than 6 months later and we were married within 10 months!!!! It all happened so fast!!!!!! I KNOW I had to marry fast to get away from Andrew, otherwise, I would’ve been right back into his web of lies. It’s been hard to shake him.

So I ask myself, “What’s this wall in my marriage and who put it there?” 😓😓😓 Why do I feel so distant and far from him, when he’s always right beside me and even talking to me. Sometimes he’s telling me things about his day and smiling at me. I see kindness and gentleness in his eyes. Everything I ever wanted and yet I’m overly frustrated becuase I don’t feel it!!!!!!! I get in bed with him and I feel safe. I feel like he’s not a toxic person I can tell the difference. Yet he’s so far away and I have zero desire. I just look at him and think “he’s got so much potential to be everything I’ve ever dreamt about but what if I’m wrong??? What if he’s tricking me like the rest?????” I feel safe yet I don’t because I watch his every move. I listen to his every word. It’s frustrating!!! I constantly overthink, over analyze and compare him🥴

All I ever wanted was a family. People want me to be a mom and I’m scared. What if my husband is just lying to me and what if I’m so full of trauma that I pass it on to my kids??? Am I gonna hurt my husband the way I’ve been hurt??? Am I gonna be a good mom or am I gonna hurt my kids?? (Even tho I raised my bro’s kids and they turned out) 😭😭😭 I can’t ever get Andrew out of my system even when I try really really hard NOT to think of him. He feels ingrained into every part of me!!!

My hands are cold but my heart is fighting to keep warm. I’m fighting to keep the fire going inside of me. I’ve come so far!!!! The fact it’s been all these years later and I’ve not tried to seek revenge on either Andrew or Cody (or Jake). Sure, I’ve been sharing my story and talking so much about them. It’s no secret that not everything I have to say is positive 😓 I’m sorry but I can’t help that!!! The relationships were negative despite me wanting them to be positive. The days I begged Cody not to shut me out that I loved him and wanted to help him. He continually manipulated me asking me “to fix him.” He said that so many times and I actually thought I could help…. I actually believed the lie that I could love Cody enough to take care of his heart but I was very very wrong!!!!!!

Not enough love or hope in my heart can change cody or Andrew. They will either change for someone or they won’t. Maybe they don’t believe they need to change… maybe they believe everything is just great?? Ok, sure. I won’t say they’re wrong. I’ll accept it if they believe nothing is wrong and that what we went through together was no big deal… I don’t want to ever argue with them cuz it’s not worth it to me to prove them wrong. However, after Cody ghosted me, I was soooooo numb and cold. Wow 😓💔 I never felt so isolated or dark in my life!! Was as if somebody shut all the lights off and froze my heart over…. It wasn’t till I met Andrew that I felt anything at all. Then Andrew only lit my heart on fire to use me up and when he was done with me, he blew the fire back out and made me cold again. 🥶

I’ve been fighting ever since!!!!!! Fighting not to be cold. Not to lose who I truly am. Not to lose love, forgiveness and hope. I won’t give up on myself or my dreams. My husband doesn’t deserve for this wall to be between us but he also doesn’t force it down. Either he just doesn’t see it or he doesn’t know what to do. (Or he doesn’t care but I don’t believe that) One day at time is all I can do moving forward ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[pinkorchidsinspring]

Ivy is so so gay, to explain let us lyric analyze:

How's one to know? I'd meet you where the spirit meets the bones, In a faith forgotten land

Hoax: “your faithless love’s the only hoax I believe in”

A complicated relationship with religion is not something lacking throughout gay culture.

Taylor is more than likely referencing her own struggle with her relationship to a religion not approving of her sexuality.

Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow, Tarnished but so grand

The lovers touch while beautiful, was a sin, and wrong in the view of most but to Taylor this touch was amazing despite being tainted with those ideas.

Oh, goddamn, My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand, Taking mine, but it's been promised to another

This is probably a reference to the "adultery" being committed here, because the narrator has a fiancé/beard.

Oh, I can't, Stop you putting roots in my dreamland

She can’t control this love.

Her dreamland of “Folklore” is based in her real, honest, raw emotions.

She can’t stop this lover from being the reason for this dreamland.

I wish to know, The fatal flaw that makes you long to be, Magnificently cursed

Being gay has never been easy, and early on makes everyone who is gay in any way, wonder why they can’t just be straight. Taylor has most likely dealt with her own version of internalized homophobia shown in the original version of “Picture to Burn”: “Go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy, that's fine; I'll tell mine you're gay”.

Clover blooms in the fields, Spring breaks loose, the time is near, What would he do if he found us out?

This whole paragraph just gives forbidden gay love, and screams I don't want to care what other people think in this moment.

Crescent moon, coast is clear

Again with the hiding in “coast is clear”

Associated with feminine energy??? Combined with the coast is clear??? Yep, screams hetero.

Spring breaks loose, but so does fear

So very gay. Very gay. Come on. Sound like recent political events in America? With the turn of a new season, fear, specifically fear of being caught together, or the media finding out becomes more relevant than normal.

He's gonna burn this house to the ground

This male partner/beard is going to ruin their relationship, completely out of fear of what would happen if the truth of who she loved came out.

I'd live and die for moments that we stole, On begged and borrowed time

Even though this love was kept a secret, it was still Taylor’s whole life at the time.

These moments were "on begged and borrowed time" due to outside pressure. Possibly the pressure to be straight, and to appear straight, and not have longing looks directed at your "best friend".

So yeah, it's a fire, It's a goddamn blaze in the dark, And you started it, You started it, So yeah, it's a war

You Are In Love: “You understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars”

The Great War -so LGBTQIA

She finally understands that she has to fight through societies pressures to keep the love of her life.

It's the goddamn fight of my life

What would be so hard about being straight and in love with Joe Alwyn? Especially when you’re only known for writing break up songs about “men”…

Most recently while introducing “Dear, John” Taylor told swifties that : we should not “feel the need to defend [her] on the internet against someone [we] think [she] might have written a song about 14 billion years ago."

There are many things that don’t allow this song to have a hetero explanation. These are the things. <3

My other song analysis’ if you’re interested <3

[wutheringmights]

I have to provide some context for this one.

Once a year, some friends and I get together to put on a big powerpoint night. We go hard for these. I usually do a big presentation where I analyze a piece of media. I put a lot of effort into doing the research for these. I once did one on eugenics rhetoric/ideology in My Hero Academia, for context.

This year, I want to do a presentation that tackles the antisemitism and fascist ideology in Attack On Titan. Naturally, this required research. A couple of weeks ago, I was reading an article on Polygon when I read that Attack On Titan has a YA novel spin-off. Not a light novel translated into English. A YA romance novel written by an American author published in English for American audiences.

Huh, I thought. You guys can probably tell by some of my reading choices that I deeply enjoy putting myself through some god-awful books (primarily YA). And one that's a tie-in to an anime I love being a hater for? Sign me up.

I bought myself a used copy and read it the moment it came in the mail.

That's all the context you need. Now that I've covered my ass, let's talk about what I actually think about Garrison Girl by Rachel Aaron.

It's not the worst thing I've ever read. The prose is overall decent, and I can appreciate that the main character has a pretty clear character arc. The best contribution Aaron made to the Attack On Titan series as a whole is a section towards the beginning where she takes about 2-3 pages to just describe how grotesquely horrifying the Titans are. I always thought the Titans were more funny-looking than anything, so this was a much needed improvement.

Everything else... ugh. Where do I start?

First off, the romance with male lead Jax drove me nuts. On paper, it's probably okay. Aaron put in a lot of effort to make sure they started off hating each other before slowly falling in love. Unfortunately, I really don't like Jax as a character. He annoys the hell out of me, and there was one too many times where he forced the main character, Rosalie, to apologize for something she did not need to apologize for.

The plot is largely episodic, theoretically tied together by Rosalie's character arc. By itself, it just feels like a slightly boring set-up for a larger series. It's fine. Some of the antagonistic characters were too cartoonishly evil for my taste, but it at least works. Having a plot that works is a surprisingly tall order, so I will give Aaron credit for that.

But in context of being a story that ties into Attack On Titan...

Attack On Titan is very good at being self-important. It is a very stupid story with some glaring writing flaws that can hide its issues under the veneer of depth and complexity. As long as you do not think about Attack On Titan too hard, it is a fine watch. Then it started including things that you HAVE to think about like eugenics and persecution, and it becomes glaringly obvious that the author has no real idea how any of this stuff works and only cares about the aesthetics of war.

None of that is in Aaron's book. On one hand, THANK GOD. On the other, this doesn't feel like it fits in with anything in the anime. Where are the gruesome, meaningless deaths? Where are the characters waxing poetry over their moral choices? Where are characters doing batshit things that can only be described as "cool as balls"? Aaron tries to squeeze some of this towards the end, but that still means reading 200 pages of lighthearted military exploits.

This just feels ill-conceived.

I have never read anything else by Aaron, but from a quick perusing of her Good Reads account, I don't think I would have picked her to write this. In her Reddit AMA, she says she took the project because she's a big fan of the show. Good for her, but I don't think she did a good job at making something that fits with the show.

But any Attack On Titan tie-in shouldn't be written for teens. An older target demographic would have opened the doors for a lot more of the anime's signature flairs.

I just think the very existence of this book is fascinating. Every time I check out the YA section at B&N, I always see more novels that are part of bigger non-book franchises: Disney princesses, Avatar the Last Airbender, Marvel comics. Whoever decided in ~2016 that American publishing should try to go anime was ahead of their time.

Yet, it seems like this book didn't do well enough to generate a trend. I haven't seen any other anime novels. But anime is more popular and more mainstream than it has ever been. Surely, another attempt will come.

Yet, Attack On Titan is a last of its kind. While anime is hugely popular, none of the big series now are the same ubiquity that early Attack On Titan did. Do you remember 2013 when the show first came out? Everyone was watching it, even non-anime fans. Many of the articles I read credit it as jumpstarting Crunchyroll. They also say that it's the perhaps the last property that every weeb could be expected to have working knowledge of, much like everyone's latent knowledge of Shonen Jump's old Big Three. There is so much variety and options at this point that weebs aren't watching all the same shows anymore. It's the last titan of an old age of anime fandom.

I don't know if anyone will ever attempt a novel tie-in again. Should it happen, then this is a strange, ill-conceived product ahead of its time. Should it not, then this is the most unique and strange attempt to profit off of a mainstream anime.

I hope Alex Aster writes a novel for Naruto. That's the good ending.

[kendrixtermina]

WTF happened? A compilation of the Evidence so Far and an attempt at a Nuanced Take.

So, the allegations regarding Rammstein.

I’m going to have to talk about them, both because the band has been a part of my life for so long it’s a family running gag, and for my own damn peace of mind.

I first saw it in an internet news article a few days ago.

My first response was to try as best as I could to suspend judgement.

The last thing I want to do is have any irrational loyalty when its ‘my turn’ to listen to reality over any personal attachment I would have.

However, two things can be true at the same time:

a) A lot of abuse goes on in showbiz & victims are often not believed

b) Crazy stories get made up about people whom the media or politcal movements have listed as “enemy” – and that’s been the case for them a long time.

The media responses have been very black & white, with on the one hand the classic cancellation treatment of ending all contracts and basically un-personing them, and on the other hand you got reports of some unsavory fans running the classic ‘they’re just lying for attention’ script.

(Let’s get this one out of the way real fast: That has never once happened ever. No one just “makes shit up for attention”. At the same time, there’s no fandom that doesn’t have a loony fringe.

I’m also not going to insult your intellect with any variant of ‘why didn’t they come forward earlier’ or ‘if it really happened she would have done x’)

The band itself has put out a statement to ‘not harass or prejudge any of the plaintiffs’ and that they ‘have a right to state their view of things’

I would agree with that, at least.

This is not the trump/tate/kavenaugh esque cannet ‘I don’t know that woman’ or instant ‘DARVO defamation’ that you usually see & sounds more like the people I thought I knew, but on the other hand, what was repeated over all the tabloid articles looked like an open shut case. Supposedly there was roofies involved (which proves intent all in itself) and multiple accusers.

One person might make things up, but multiple people usually means it’s real, as it would be unrealistic for them to have coordinated.

So I decided that I was going to go digging through all the articles & posts etc. I could find to form my own opinion of WTF happened, if nothing else for closure. The articles said a lot of the same things, but they were vague. At least, I wanted the gory details.

I’m just going to record my findings so far mostly for my own peace of mind & emotional processing, and for anyone who might be wondering what to think.

I’m just going to go through various different data points in ascending order of severity & perceived credibility.

Keep in mind, this is not a finished opinion, I am really processing out loud, still letting things settle, and waiting for further revelations that could easily change everything.

I want as much as I can to remain open to any new evidence thatmight still pour in.

0. The Music

First let’s get the (albeit mostly irrelevant) elephant out of the way:

Yes, the songs/lyrics depict copious violence that is often sexual in nature, but it’s very much in an ‘fascination with the disturbing’ kind of way that grounds inself in a clear understanding that what’s depicted is, in fact, disturbing. It’s often told from the PoV of the perpetrator but if you analyze the lyrics with basic reading comprehension you’ll see that it’s self-aware about being carnography (that is the overlap between horror, gore and porn) – the perp’s twisted rationalizations will be lampshaded and hints at the victim’s pain strewn in.

It’s like ‘Lolita’ – it’s told from the crazy person’s PoV in their romantic fetishistic detail, but the author wants you to piece together what ‘actually’ happened and strews in hints.

That was supposedly the joy of it, that there was depht to find, interpret & analyze get this ‘delayed-action scare’ from.

It’s self-aware, which actual glorification isn’t – that sounds more like ‘bitch actually wanted it’ or ‘she was asking for it’ rather than ‘no one hears her cry’ or having the perp turn around a picture of Jesus so it doesn’t see his wicked deeds.

So it seems… incongruent, to me, that the person who wrote this doesn’t get that roofie-ing someone is bad.

As an artist myself I of course want to believe that a person’s true soul is reflected and immortalized in their art, but there’s nothing more dangerous than thinking oneself immune to deception, wouldn’t be the first hypocrite.

So I really did have a huge moment of thinking,… “Was it all a lie?” Did this art that I loved and was probably the biggest influence on my writing style just never really exist?

I’d certainly feel disapointed, humbled and betrayed, as if all the jeers of those who gave me the side eye for liking dark content had been confirmed.

Well, the truth doesn’t care what I think, it’s not about me, but the potential victims. So I am going to put all these feelings in a box.

But it’s worth noting that, despite the bombastic stage persona and having starred in hardcore sadomaso porn, Till was always described by everyone who knew him as a shy, polite and intelligent person in his personal life.

Wouldn’t be the first asshole whom everyone thought was “so nice”, but you can’t use the music as an argument for that.

1. The Parties.

That there were parties for potential groupies, I believe at once. It’s corroberated by many reports going years back and the part that everyone agrees on. You’d be stupid not to believe it. It does fit his impulsive, disinhibited character.

However, and I know some here are gonna have different values about this: I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that so long as everyone involved was a consenting adult.

A lot of the so-called “dozens” of reports including kayla the youtuber were basically just people realizing it’s a sex thing & getting uncomfortable or offended about the very fact that it was a sex thing & that there were women willingly throwing themselves at Till.

I don#t doubt that they freaked out, got a fright and felt unsafe, but when you filter about the influence of their racing thoughts, uncomfy brain & ‘bad vibes’, most of these situations are pretty much nothingburgers. Full rooms with numerous witnesses were people were just drinking & having fun. Obviously you can’t bring phones to orgies, tat would jeopardize ppl’s privacy.

I’m not saying they were lying about feeling unsafe, but I think we can all think of examples for how feeling safe and being safe are two pairs of shoes.

There were many people who actually were at those parties posting on reddit or getting interviewed on youtube describing great consensual sex and/or just fun atmosphere so IDK how much of their perception of ‘weird atmosphere’ is just projection of their own discomfort.

I’m not saying this because I don’t want to see the truth, this has always been my opinion. I never got people investing great significance in age gaps once everyone is past the ‘adult’ threshold or generally flattening the whole spectrum of human interaction into simple flat power dynamics with an unassailablemaster & mind-controlled slave.

I’ve gone to sex parties; Heck, when I was 20 I got shitfaced & screwed a much older dude and I found both those experiences not only positive but healing.

It bothers me how the entire interiority choice & angency of willing participants is just erased and its just blanket declared that they can’t know what they want. So far, everyone I’ve heard of as being involved was an adult even if they were young, we’re not talking about children and it’s demeaning to act as if they were.

I’m not defending a rich old dude; I’ve little hope of ever being one. I’m defending myself, as someone who has been a young woman, and wound like to have the right to determine what my experiences mean & not have others tell me. I think if someone wants to take advantage of a chance to screw someone they view as extremly desirable and get a piece of some powerful guy using the limited resource of their attractiveness, they should get to. It’s practically animal instinct.

I don’t think inviting someone somewhere to possibly hit on them in harassment; It only becomes harassment if you don’t go away if they say no, or use threat/coersion.

He ‘picked’ the ones he’d actually be interested in but that would only have the sort of character the news are depicting it as if there was then coersion, not just an offer.

In the bulk of the reports he would hit on ppl but immediately accept it & back away if they said no, and the people who reported feeling uncomfortable all left with no problem without being pushed or forced to anything; Everyone was free to leave the ‘suckbox’ at any time.

That, of course,  is the next big question. Did any of that take place. Just because some had a great experience doesn’t mean others can’t have had awful ones.

2. The Shelby & Kayla Stories

So, here I am mostly dissapointed at the media.

There were multiple people on reddit, tumblr, youtube or newspaper (some showing their real life face, or having video of the event) who were on the same party in Vilnius. It’s not just one person claiming something but testimonies acting up

The vodka was opened before the eyes of all the guests and all of them drank from the same bottles

According to her friends, Shelby is on a SSRI medication that can interfere with alcohol & apparently the combination explains all the symptoms she had

She started drinking early & acted quite inebriated (probably due to the meds interference), at one point she bumped into the stage & ran into things – this probably explains the bruise

While there was some smashing of glasses, it was more of a ritual that was often done at  parties, like Till would start smashing his Vodka glass fter finishing it & everyone else would join in.

Shelby left early & wasn’t even there for the last of the party

Even she clearly stated that a) no one touched her b) Till respected it & moved on when she refused his advances c) she saw nothing being done to anyone else while she was there

Most likely conclusion: There was never any roofies, her meds are to blame.

I would presume she woke up the next day, only remembering fragments at first, and panicked. I can’t even blame her. It’s super common for ppl to mistakenly think they might have been spiked after having too much to drink.  

She isn’t ‘lying’, she merely jumped to conclusions, though she could have checked with her friends first before putting it on the internet, I can’t blame her for panicking under the circumstances.

Honestly it’s logical to assume it was the last guy who hit on her.

The is important insofar as it puts a different light on everything that follows when others saw her post & were asked about if anyone had similar experiences.

Ovsly ppl took this seriously & began re-evaluating experiences in the light of that possibility in a low-key mass panic.

This is especially relevant for the casus Kayla – Facebook posts show she had a “good time” at the concert despite noping out of the sex thing (before Till even arrived) but after that I suppose she began to worry if any of the other girls she saw might have been drugged.

3. The Italian Man Story

You know, the super gross one with the big bowl of ‘mysterious cocktails’ and the band members fighting over some girl.

It’s fiction on par with the ‘hilary clinton trafficking ring’.

It’s deliberately engineered to be schocking & trigger your emotions but when you think about it, it doesn’t add up logically. Even if everything else were done & they’re all guilty this probably still didn’t happen because, for starters, if multiple ambulances had been called, the fucking certainly wouldn’t have continued as the paramedics showed up. There would at least have been something about drunken people passing out at a concert.

Also the ‘bowl with mysterious cocktails personally prepared by Till’ looks like a plot hint in a book.

You can’t get accurate dosages by putting into into a bowl and a whole room was drugged at once they couldn’t have walked home.

Plus the ‘italian man’ is too busy presenting himself as a hero rather than describe himself being realistically shocked.

I’m surprised Spiegel printed this, though I suppose any claims are in the public interest.

4. The Anonymous Reports from the Reportage

Now comes the serious part however, because these I believe are 100% true, were compiled by serious journalists,  and probably happened exactly as described – they’re anonymous, so the women have nothing to gain. Plus, the reports sound like authentic memories in exciting or traumatic situations: The order may be jumbled but there are exact details down to what people were thinking or exact words that were said.

There is just no honest reason to assume otherwise.

That said, the snippets of them that were taken out into other articles/tablids were WAY out of context – with an important exception (which I will discuss as its own bullet point), most of the people questioned considered what took place a good experience at the time, told their friends of a ‘good time’, though some had their doubts or regrets later on when the discussions began or friends had different opinions on it.

The person that supposedly had vaginal bleeding actually had some condition that made vaginal intercourse harder but then they ended up doing it anyway apparently at her suggestion – Till is said to have asked several times if it’s ok.

In general there is talk/communication going on in these

While two people did speak of memory gaps or fragmented memories, it seems from the circumstances and the detailled way  things were described that it was just booze.

And it was not, as you might get from the out-of-context quote, some unconscious person being molested on a floor somewhere but rather there was back & forth talking like he was always asking “Is that ok”, “may I do this?” “Should we stop?” etc.

That’s not something you do if you don’t care about the other person, their consent or their enjoyment.

Even so, if the two ended up concluding later that they were probably too drunk & partially weren’t sure what was happening, the sex probably shouldn’t have happened.

He fucked up, no question.

Chances are he was intoxicated, too, but while I have said before that all this supposed ‘power imbalance’ alk doesn’t negate free will, I do think it creates a greater responsibility on his part to ensure their well-being and greater accountability.

Still this rather looks like he misjudged how drunk they were rather than deliberately taking advantage of an unconscious person, the latter is a misrepresentation by the media.

5. THAT one report

Then there is the unambiguous ‘nightmare story’ where there can be no doubt that the girl found it traumatic.

Apparently she clenched up (ostensibly vaginismus) and the whole sex was painful, which she was embarassed to say however, so she just waited for it to be over out of a mix of being stunned and not wanting to lose her one special chance with him.

I think we can all agree that this kind of thing should never happen.

She explicitly says she choose not to say anything, however. – which is NOT to say that its “her own fault” or that she “should have spoken up” but rather, though the damage is the same, there is a different between accident, negligence, manslaughter & murder, degrees of culpability.

In a legal sense it probably wouldn’t count as rape (that requires ‘visible refusal’) but it certainly wasn’t enthusiastic consent either. But this is kind of exactly why education is so important because besides fight & flight there ARE those fawn & freeze responses & if you’re not attentive enough you could  trigger your partner into ‘just putting up with it’ without meaning to /realizing. People don’t notice their gf’s saying nothing about painful sex all the time there were tons of articles about it not too long ago.

Whatever you want to label it she had a shitty, possibly damaging experience that could have been prevented, and that would have been his responsibility to avoid.

So no, he did not ‘do nothing wrong’ The onus was on him, especially as someone active in the BDSM scene he should know the important of safewords, commination & aftercare.

He fucked up, the whole enterprise should have been sanity checked because even if some vibed with it & had a good time, you just shouldn’t ever be triggering people’s fight-or-flight responses in a bedroom situation.  There shouldn’t even be a risk of that because if there is there might be people like this girl or the two too-drunk ones.

Ultimately, though, this is still night and day compared to the story going through the media right now with the roofies.

There’s a big difference from someone who thinks others wellbeing doesn’t matter than one who think it does but fucked up.

But ultimately this goes further than Till as a person. This isnt even really about him. 

It’s more like – no one wants this. I don’t think he wanted this. But how do we as a society deal with it?

Because I think it’s very important that those girls should be able to talk about their experiences. Feedback should be given and socuety should be percolated by an understanding that this is not ok.

At the same time, at present we only seem to have the options of exhonoration or ostracism – which creates an incentive to DARVO and victim-blame to avoid the total destruction of ostracism in a population that is usually low on scruples.

With cases like trump or tate, the issue is clear: Those don’t think they’re doing anything wrong eyond lipservice & will just keep doing it again & again; Complete ostracism, unpersoning & refusal to ever platform them again really is the only answer, there is no reflection, talking sense or expecting behavior changes from those.

But what about situations where you have someone who nominally believes in consent but fails to apply it & walks away thinking the situation was mutually enjoyable? IT’s kind of like the Melanie Martizez case. More ambiguous, really, because she was reported even by consenting partners to be rather pushy whereas here we have someone who ostensibly has a habit of asking ‘is this ok’ ‘may I do that’, ‘are you ok’ etc but did it a few times too few.

Someone who fucked up but didn’t want to. What do we do with these? Whenever anyone brings up the possibility of ‘misreading signals’ or something it’s told off as an excuse but it’s a genuine worry people have.

The closest conceot we have for that is maybe what you do if someone had a stronger reaction to or felt triggered by some BSDM thing & that needs to be talked out & corrected but in that case theres a more direct feedback loop…

One thing is clear: We can’t have situations where ppl feel triggered or unsafe or have bad experiences like this.

Apparently consequences have already been drawn and the parties things in cancelled forever anyways & everyone involved got a wakeup call. (as per Christoph’s recent post which more or less reflects similar conclusions to my analysis here – and I am still holding out on forming conclusions, really, but what I heard there at least sounds like the intelligent, differentiated people I thought I knew, though I’m not ready to remove that ‘thought’ yet )

I mean, the band themselves is lying in the bed they made but I’m feeling sorry for, well, the victims of course, but also loyal fans who may forgive what actually happened but everyone around them thinks the tabloid version took place. (which if it were true would have been burn-in-hell territory)

Sigh. The world is complicated and exhausting and human beings hurt each other so much all the time for stupid reasons and we can never ever have nice things.

[annbourbon]

After reading What is...? by @creativepromptsforwriting (if you haven't read her blog or follow her WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?)

I decided to add some of my notes here too. Because it's on the little things I've been studying every night to get better at writing. So please consider this post as part/collab of "What is...?"

★Please keep in mind that this comes from someone whose first language it's not english, so, what for some might be obvious, for others it is not.

Blurb? is a short promotional description on your book. But can also be used to promote movies and other things.

Needs: Hook + Keywords (define an audience) + keep it short and leave them wanting for more.

* Remember to check for spelling and grammar mistakes.

Nowadays you can use quotes from your book as promo too. Pinterest is your best ally here. Make a bunch of attractive images with a colorful quotes and upload it on your social media! ^♡^

Honestly when it comes to promos you should exploit it all (meaning: create quotes, collage, your cover, promos, etc!) Be your own fan. Create a playlist, ambience, set the mood. Let your own world drag you into the woods, do not resist it.

If you love it, other will love it too.

W.I.P.? Means Work in Progress. So you have yet a lot to do to finish your story. it's okay, it takes time \^♡^/

Pathetic fallacy Vs Personification?

Pathetic fallacy

It's specifically about giving emotions to something non-human (objects, nature, or animals)

Writers use the pathetic fallacy to evoke a specific mood or feeling that usually reflects their own or a character's internal state. While I have seen some detractors of using this technique, think of Emily Brontë novel, Wuthering Heights, or Shakespeare in several of his works like Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet, Othello, King Lear and Macbeth. Or Mary Shelly's Frankenstein. So study it and use it carefully and you should be fine. Times change but you should write however you want too.

Personification

On the other hand, is giving any human attribute to an object.

Think of The Beauty and the Beast, Alice in Wonderland, and Toy Story as great examples of what personification is.

Atmosphere?  is the way an author uses setting, objects, or internal thoughts of characters to create emotion, mood, or experiences for the reader.

For me Mary Shelley with Frankenstein is one of the most accurate examples I can give, but when I think about it, Robinson Crusoe, and Moby Dick, both feel tremendously claustrophobic and desperate to the reader, full of details, the time passes slowly and it's insufferable. Which in theory is not okay because the reader can drop the book but guess what? They're classic because you want to know what happens next. Which brings me to my next point, if you want to know more about the art of writing, you should try the following channels on YT:

Abbie Emmons

She has some interesting videos, but one crazy tip that will change your mind. It actually works. And don't worry, she keeps repeating it over and over so you learn it too. She also offers some courses and several activities like writing together (in case you're trying to write but can't, now you have a date!)

Ellie Dashwood

If you're into social dynamics, subtlety and want to get better writing period stories wether they are romantic or dramas, then she's your best bet. While she doesn't teach you how to write better she does teach you literature and history. And trust me, some of these things can be more than helpful. The way she analyzes and provides for clarification over social situations has made me understand not just Jane Austen but my own time in a different way.

Fiction Beast

This is showing me a lot of literature and making me read classics. Of course it wouldn't work if it wasn't because of Ellie but it's a must! because it does explains a lot.

Ana Neu

I just discovered her and Ellen so I can't say a lot of things but their videos have been really helpful with some of the things I've been working on especially with Fit or Die, so you should check out both of these girls.

Ellen Brock

and of course, he needs no introduction, but if you didn't know, he has several classes posted on his channel which have been helping me tremendously.

Brandon Sanderson

*Disclaimer: They're not paying me for doing promo. I just do this on my own account because I truly admire their work and effort put into it. Plus, I always do this for anyone if I truly admire the way they work. And I believe this is helpful for anyone with hopes of becoming an author. Even if it's just a hobby. Have fun~!