#take more of my shitty writing ya'll

[simp-ly-writes]

Lasting Pictures: Up and Under (pt.2)

Pairing: Poly!Task Force 141 x Photographer!Reader

Summary: Signing the papers was one thing, actually going back and doing the work was another. Memories come hurling back at you as you try and navigate this new lifestyle while getting to know the members of your new task force- some warm up quicker to you than others but are your trials all for nothing? Or maybe, just maybe this new start has other possibilities for you as well....

Warnings: 4952 words, Slow burn, heavy imagery of anxiety attack and PTSD, descriptions of blood and swearing.

A/N: Hey ya'll thank you all so much for all the love on the first post, weird to see so many people liking my shitty writing. Anyways! todays chapter is dedicated to my fellow stranger @cosychick who made this chapter possible (TYSM again, seriously). On another note... I may have written a lot again... and have an outline for many more chapters... hope you guys enjoy this next part! let me know what you think~

Masterlist | Taglist | edited.

Lasting Pictures Series Masterlist

The cheers surrounding the room are soon put to an end as the boys soon get ordered to return back to their duties on base as you and Gabby stay behind with Laswell. She opens your file on the table, flipping towards the back as she comments on your years of leave from the military. Your task force had all been promoted within the ranks and some were found less on field and more in strategy. You smiled at this newfound information, as it slightly fell when Laswell said how poorly they took your leave and lack of communication afterwards while tailing off on a few names that have you blinking your eyes quickly.

The room falling quiet once more, Gabby grasps your hand in her own- rubbing small circles into the back of it in an effort to comfort you. You squeeze it twice in response; awaiting Laswell to continue her commentary as a knock can be heard coming from the door, Price enters then closes it behind himself as he takes his seat back beside Laswell with his own paperwork in hand and places it on the table. He motions with a flick of his wrist for you guys to continue as he grabs for a pair of glasses and takes the lid of a pen off; beginning to flip through the sheets, signing every few pages while referencing others. Laswell continues to speak while opening a second file with your polaroid clipped to the front. 

“Has your body fully healed from the incident?”

“Yes, ma’am”

“Do you still take medication for it or any other symptoms you have experienced as a result?”

“Yes I do”

Laswell hums in response, flickering to the next page as you lightly sigh in relief and Gabby comments, “May I speak freely?”

“You may”

“They have made a full recovery, I made sure of it before contacting them…” Gabby looks over at you, happiness is found in her squished cheeks from smiling so brightly as she drops your hand to reach over the table for your papers, “...I recommend still going through with the fitness regulation test for formal qualities- but they would pass easily nonetheless.”

Price decides to lift his head and joins the conversation once more, “some practice missions with 141 before sending directly to the field would be of value to us all as well. Time is limited- I know-”

You smile slightly at his addition, nodding your head in agreement before finishing his sentence, “but a little team building never hurt nobody” you tease lightly back as John matches your smile before returning back to the work at hand. Gabby leans over, clearing her throat loudly to whisper in your ear, “So what type of team building do you have planned~?” 

Swatting her away while covering your cheeks from your blush, John chuckles to himself as you shrink into your sweater, cursing Gabby mentally as Laswell gives you all a tisk with a small smile gracing its way across her features; her tone lightening. 

“You will get along great with the team, Dice, from what I read and see here today. 0-700 tomorrow for your assessment and I want you to move on to base with the rest of the team temporarily to redevelop your skills for the imminent future. Deployment is set for two weeks from now. That is all, thank you both” Laswell finishes, collecting her belongings before tapping Price on the shoulder on her way out. 

Stacking the papers into a neat pile; he looks between you and Gabby before sliding an unsigned document, tapping his finger to where he wants you to sign and handing you his pen. Glancing down at it, its weight is surprisingly heavy and the small engraving of 141 on the lid has you smiling, you look over the page- reading through each clause before signing your name at the bottom and sliding it back with a sigh. 

Gabby slaps your shoulder with yet another cheer as she calls for drinks tonight that has you shaking your head at the idea. “I have my assessment in the morning scales, can’t be going out and doing that just yet.”

“Lame” Gabby states back childishly before asking if you wanted a drive back, you smile thankfully at this as you begin to stand from your seat. Knees a bit weak from staying in the same position for too long. Yet as your hand hovers over the door handle, a small call out from the table has you turning back to face your new captain. 

“Welcome to the team Y/N”

“Thank you Captain” 

--

Keys swing around Gabbys finger as you both make your way towards the parking lot at the back of the base. Walking through the halls and across the pavement; viewing all the helicopters and equipment tucked nearly away has memories sending goosebumps across your skin, nerves and excitement mixing together in your anxiety driven cocktail as you follow in Fish’s shadow. 

Gabby clicks the small device twice as the car flashes its lights with a small honk. Yet as you begin to enter the vehicle a calling out of your name from another car has you smacking your head against the roof of the car and eliciting a loud groan as you rub the spot gently, turning to face whomever got you into this state. 

Gaz smiles apologetically from the rolled-down window as he asks if you want help tomorrow moving your stuff on to base, he mentioned that your new captain already sent a message to the infamous groupchat you had yet to be added to. Smiling at the man's kindness you accept as he asks for your number. Walking up to his car, exchanging phones; you place your name alone in his as Gaz places a petrol symbol for himself that has you giggling when you read it. Tapping the top of his car in a sign of goodbye, he drives through the gates and away. 

Turning back you see Gabby leaned against the car with a cheeky grin, “do I need to report anything to the council already, lieutenant?” 

“Yet?! Do you honestly think I am getting with any of them, or that they would have any interest in all of this shit?” You reply while flinging your hands up and down your body, emphasising your statement. 

“Well.. you and Soap looked to be getting cosy…”

“I needed physical comfort, you know this”

“Mmhmm”

“Gabby! I swear to god-”

“Mmhmm” 

“Even with my last team, we almost never did any of that shit”

“Almost?” She teases back.

“Not like that Gabs! ugh!”

Gabby does not bother to listen to anymore of your protests as she hops backs into the vehicle, the engine roaring to life as you sit yourself into the passengers side with a huff, buckling your seatbelt before helping her to check the blindspots and give directions back to your place. 

--

The drive back is peaceful after the hellish day you have had. Gabby flipped you off while driving away as your neighbour complained about hearing your cat moving about your apartment too loudly. Apologising you turned the key in the hole and entered, the space was dark with a small candle coming from the kitchen. Cursing to yourself for leaving it unattended, blowing it out you called for Spoons to make sure he didn’t hurt himself from it. 

Checking the cat over in your arms and sighing out in relief, you hunched down slightly so they could move to your shoulders and motioned to get their medication before you started the debate of ordering in or cooking dinner for yourself. Opening the fridge you cursed to find it empty, resting your forehead against its metal door to cool your head, you felt for your phone the jean pocket as Spoons meows loudly in your ear. 

Placing him on the counter and closing the door with your foot, you order delivery and feel for your wallet; walking yourself back into the living and falling onto the cushioned seat, feet pressed atop the coffee table as you threw a weighted blanket over yourself and turned the television on. Doctor Who played across the screen as you chucked at their antics and companions' poorly timed jokes, the doorbell ringing and a tip being served before you switched to the VOD for the football game. 

Your team was losing severely as you whisper-yelled at the screen, afraid of getting a thorough beating from your elderly neighbour. You flicked it off before it finished and noticed that your plate was empty. Placing the containers in the fridge and washing your dishes in the sink, you see Spoons sleeping on the half-wall separating your kitchen from the dining room. Their belly turned upwards as light snores exited their body. Snapping a quick picture to show Ghost in the morning, you began your nightly routine. 

Showering, brushing and flossing your teeth, alongside applying your moisturizers. You shuffled underneath the covers while doing some last minute scrolling through your phone. Rolling your eyes when you saw the endless stream of reels being sent from Gabbys personal account that had you switching your ringer off and placing it on to charge. Setting your alarm clock to sound you closed your eyes as your body jerked throughout the night, awaking in a cold sweat as only a few hours had passed before doing your best at returning back to sleep.

--

The loud sound of ringing gradually made its way across your ears as you groaned and blindly reached over to turn it off; you ended up swatting it off the nightstand, the loud crash had you sitting upright from the sound of it smacking against the hardwood floors. Being stubborn to get out of bed just yet, you reach across the room to pick it up and shut it up. Falling back into the covers you reach for your phone and smile seeing your parents’ name in the notifications, they wish you a strong return back with a string of emojis that has you shaking your head while replying, slightly regretting for introducing them to that submenu on the keyboard.

Stretching and rolling out your yoga mat, you do our daily exercises before setting the kettle to boil and heading for a quick shower. The mirror clouds over as you draw a small heart across its surface while scrolling for just the right song to start getting ready to. 

Coming back out- refreshed you dig through the back of your closet to find parts of your old uniform that you didn’t have the heart to send down to the storage rooms. Placing it across your frame and looking at yourself in the foyer mirror. A tear slides itself down your cheek as you swiftly wipe it away. Spoons soon comes between your legs pawing to be fed as you lightly smile down at them. 

Apologizing to your furry friend, you give them their daily medication and head out the door, to your car in the underground parkade. 06:10 reads on the dash as you drive back to the base from memory. While at a light you start a call with Gabby, hoping that she would fess up to what types of testing you will go through today, yet she gave you nothing much to your dismay other than some teasing as usual. 

“Did you end up talking to Gaz more last night when you exchanged numbers?”

“No, I talked to my parent though.”

“Oh! I miss them, are they still single?”

“Gabs I swear-”

“Hey! Just an honest question…”

“Sure, sure.”

“Are you here yet?”

“Almost, about a block away”

“Okay good.”

“Everything al’right?”

“Oh yeah, Soap just keeps telling me I'm no fun now that he’s met you, butthurt honestly.” 

“Well I have always been the funnier one.”

“Thanks, just what I needed to hear.”

“You know me- social skills, simply perfection…” you end with a giggle in your voice, “...okay im at the gate now, see you in a few.”

Pulling the car into an empty parking spot, you ended the call while hauling your work bag with your camera inside over your shoulder from the passenger's seat and take your metal water bottle with you. Locking the car with a click you walked towards the main building and picked yourself up a new badge. Wincing at your picture, you hide it in your jacket pocket as you make your way down the hall and towards the locker rooms to put your stuff down. 

--

Taking in a deep breath, you made your way out to the fields and saw everyone standing in a circle, speaking in hushed tones before halting at the sounds of your footsteps nearning. Giving the group a small wave, Gabby came over and wished you luck with a large hug and kiss against your cheek before returning back to her duties. Laswell stood to the side, clipboard in hand as she began to look at her watch, anxious to begin and return to her stack of files as well. 

Soap speedily walks his way over to you, clapping a hand on your shoulder and pulling you in to his side, he wishes you good luck and a few other words told in his native tongue that you didn’t quite catch before Ghost is shouting across the field, in what would appear an aggressive tone to any new listener. 

“English, Jonny”

“Fuckin’ Britts you lot”

“Hey you! Don't assume my nationality you prick”

Soap looks at you wide-eyed and apologetically as words and curses fall out of his mouth like a waterfall. Gaz can he heard chucking off to the side as you pat Soaps shoulder and tell him that you were just pulling his leg. He nods his head and sighs out in relief while looking up towards the grey skies. Making your way over to greet the Captain and Ghost, they both offer you a firm handshake once more as you provide a wide smile back before heading towards Gaz sitting on a nearby bench beside Laswell. 

Sitting beside him, he starts making small talk and eventually asks what you are doing directly after this. Looking towards Laswell she shrugs and reminds you of the team-building you promised to do before calling you to the starting line. Gaz makes a quick note for you to continue your conversation later as he shouts you a good luck as you make your way away. He sits up from the bench and moves to stand beside Simon and the others in line to the side.

--

Nearing the starting line, you notice a series of vertical obstacles ranging from a rope climb, an outstanding rock wall and a fence hop. Leaning your body to the side, you look further down to see a tire you will need to push alongside a series of pylons lining a large section of the tarmac. A long run, how great after all of that. 

Shaking your head of the negativity, you closed your eyes and evened your breathing before sending Laswell a nod of your head, ready to tackle this course to the best of your ability. The sound of a shout coming from the Station Chief has your body moving faster than your mind as you hoist yourself up the rope and jump down to the other side. 

Your body wavers slightly upon impact yet as soon as your knees steady once more you are running up the rock wall to boost yourself up, skipping half of it as you hear Gaz praising your technique while waiting running to wait for you on the other side. Using your feet and hands, you slip slightly from the lack of gloves or chalk before running down the ramp on the other side. Next you are sprinting over to hop over three sizes of fences as Soap claps loudly at the end telling you how many obstacles you have left. 

Smiling to yourself in a layer of sweat, you side-hop the last small fence before whipping your forehead with the backside of your arm and collapse yourself to the floor in low crawl under the wire frames above. The mud finds its way into your boots and underneath your fingernails as you sigh happily at its cool texture on your skin. 

Nearing the end you look ahead of yourself to see the long awaited large tire sitting flush against the ground. Picking yourself up to stand and shaking your hands violently while running over, you heave it up with a large grunt and push it to fall. Completing these repetitive actions tenfold before showing the tire over the designated cones. The long awaited run now awaited you as Price praised you with a large smile, yours matching his own as your feet began to pick up pace once more, now desperately trying to reach the end of the course in time. 

The soon becomes in view as you see Laswell standing there, stopwatch in hand as Gabby appears beside her, jumping enthusiastically and pointing at your approaching frame. This momentarily distracts you from the pain you are feeling throughout your body as it takes everything in you to run the last quarter mile. 

Yet as you near, the shouting of all your awaiting squad members, the sound of your blood pumping through your ears and your laboured breaths has you faltering slightly as your world spins and the finish line is closer than ever before. 

Memories cloud over your senses as you can feel the sweat dripping off your neck and down your back. The feeling of cold metal combing itself against your skin has you shivering in your overheated state as your stomach begins to turn itself outwards.

You don’t notice yourself running across the finish line and slightly pass before a pair of arms wrap themselves around your frame and hold you steady as they shake your shoulders in an effort to make you become present. 

You can feel a distant hand running circles on to your lower back as they brush the hair out of your eyes and behind your ears before resting their hand against your forehead, checking your temperature while making a hand motion in the other as the sounds of multiple boots rushing over have you swaying in their hold and holding your stomach as you kneel over. Knees falling to the pavement as you collapse on to your side. Eyes blurry as you see the rough contours of faces shaking your legs and holding your chin before they push you into recovery position as you throw up your guts on to someone's boots. 

Apologising subconsciously in a gravel filled tone. The sounds of cries over power your being as you shrink into yourself, tears falling. But soon enough you feel laying down beside you as they tug you over and point to the clouds in the sky while you rub your eyes. The multiple pairs of eyes on you have fallen significantly as you take in a large breath and whip your eyes and cheeks with the back of your hand. 

Looking over to your left you see Gabby staring at you smiling, remenist to what you would do as kids in your backyard, making stories out of all the clouds above and promises of your futures together. How times have changed as the pavement burned itself against the back of your head that still felt a bit fuzzy and your hands shook slightly against your sides. 

As Gabby directs you to copy her breathing and calls for your bag to be brought over while searching for your medication side, she asks softly if you remember to take some yesterday. Eyes going wide you shake your head and groan to yourself while placing the back side of your hand to rest against your forehead, shielding your eyes from the sun beginning to poke its way through the clouds. 

Doing your best to hoist yourself to a sitting position, your frame wobbles slightly as Gabby rapidly turns her body around and her face turns into horror. Her hands are filled as she watches you sway and almost crash your head against the tarmac once more yet thankfully an arm had you hoisted up against their side as they joined you on the floor. 

Smiling over to Gaz thankfully he rubbed your shoulder and Gabby kneeled down to hand you a cup of water and a few pills. Looking at them in your hand, shuffling them slightly in your palm you threw them into your mouth, tipping your head back consciously as the water made its way down your system. 

Gaz then handed you a pack of crackers that were obviously from an MRE. You winched in reaction that had Gaz giggling at your face before it fell when Fish just about punched him to remove it. Shaking your head slightly at the two and telling Gaz you know he meant nothing poor of it, you begin to take small bites out of the cracker while looking around to find where everyone else went. 

As you stare down the field, you see Laswell and Price in a heated argument as the boys stand to his side, a few grand hand gestures are made as Soap flings his arms around wildly, almost hitting Ghost in the face that has him holding his limbs still so the Captain can focus. 

Looking towards Gaz once more you ask simply, “Hey Gaz…” He hums to you in reply while his focus is on making sure that you continue to eat, “...Shouldn’t you be down there listening to what Laswell and Price have to say?”

“I think something more important came up that held my attention”

As you move to apologise, Gaz holds his other hand up slightly as you pause your next words. His eyes crinkle slightly as he stares eye level into your own, your mouth opens slightly at the sight of his smile so close to your face, yet you shake your head blaming it on all the anxiety still coursing its way through your system. 

“Sometimes all we need is to sit down with someone so that the world can figure itself out.”  

You humm in reply as clears her throat softly as you both jerk your bodies in reaction, forgetting her presence in front of you. She shakes her head and chuckles lightly at both of your reactions before saying, “what about some words of wisdom for yours truly, Garrick?” While fluttering her eyelashes. 

Rolling your eyes you can’t help but chuckle at your best friends seemingly never ending sass as you ask, “Garrick?” While tilting your head to the side, staring at Gaz’s profile as he simply explains that it's his last name and you nod to this newfound information. 

“My full name is actually Kyle “Gaz” Garrick”

“Kyle Garrick” You test the name out upon your lips as he gives you once of his famous smiles once more while squeezing your shoulder.

“My name sounds a whole lot better while coming out from between your lips”

Gasping at his comment, you blush widely in response while holding your cheeks with the palms of your hand in an effort to hide your growing embarrassment. Groaning while leaning forward, your head falls into Gabbys lap as she laughs once more at you while combing her fingers through your hair as Gaz slides his hand to rest against your back.

Mumbling in Gabbys secure hold about his touch not helping your state. You hear a loud laugh as he reacts with his hand apologising. The lack of his touch as you question the equally relieved and disappointed emotions flashes across your brain. Yet this bubble of a moment would soon be broken as the rest of the team returned around you.

Everyone eventually sat down on the pavement that had you mentally giggling to yourself, the ghost of a smile makes its way across your features as you notice the formation you all have made is reminiscent of the duck, duck, goose game. 

Soap soon leans over to whisper in your ear, “tag, you’re it” while poking your shoulder jokingly. Wincing in an exaggerated manner has Soap quickly asking if you alright as you smile kindly in response, “I’m feeling a lot better now, thank you Soap” 

He nods back in response before shifting his focus to Gaz, eyeing how close he is sitting against you now all the more obvious as Gabby moved herself to sit between Laswell and Ghost. Yet making no comments on his observations that has relief spreading across your skin. You did not need anymore teasing.

Looking back around the circle yourself, you notice as the Captain does a quick look over of you before nodding his head in approval and turning his attention towards Laswell who appears to be choosing their next words carefully as you feel Ghosts gaze settling hot against your profile.

Tilting your head slightly, you notice how he plays with his gloves and how soft his eyes appear behind the mask as if asking you a simple question to your state. Offering a small smile and nod in recognition you watch out of the corner of your eye as his fidgeting stops and he too eyes Laswells next words. 

Clearing her throat, her eyes make their way around the circle and stop at you, “you have done well today Y/L/N, flying colours for the obstacle course and impressive return I must add. Yet after today…” Her sentence drifts off as she lacks the words necessary to continue, looking over to Price for help.

The Captain holds your eyes softly in his own as he finishes for Laswell, “from discussions earlier and your best interests in mind, Laswell and the team have decided that we won’t be putting you on attack for now.” A large sigh escapes your mouth as you feel conflicted on how to feel about not fully coming back. 

Price continues, “until then you come with us on missions to gather intelligence for Fish under our watch.”

“I understand sir” you respond back, doing the best to hide your emotion in your voice as you see Soap shift himself closer to your side in noticing your slight change in tone. Your eyes are still being held by the captains as you see his eyes wince slightly at your response before his face returns to its professional state. 

Slapping his hands against his knees with a throat clearing he stands up from the sitting circle and dismisses the meeting, turning around and walking his way back inside the main building. Laswell follows suit, dragging Gabby alongside her while they both compare paper-workloads. 

Gabby turns around mouthing an apology for leaving so soon as you look back and see Ghost is now a bit further away with Soap as they appear to be chatting seriously over something together before Ghost locks him into a headlock. Shaking your lead and looking away all you hear are the sounds of them scraping one another in the background as you find Kyle waiting to ask you something. 

“Do you want me to come over tonight?” Kyle questions softly while tilting his head, awaiting your response.

“To come over?”

“Oh ah-apologies, I meant to move your things temporarily on base”

“Oh,” You laugh lightly while shaking your head of the drifting thoughts you were having, “...yeah some help would be great Kyle! Thank you so much for the offer once more.”

“It's really nothing Y/N.”

“Still…”

“Well, how about after you treat me to some coffee together the day after?”

“I like the sound of that,” You say while doing your best to hide the ever growing smile spreading its way across your rosy cheeks as you notice Gaz smiling back at your adorable self. 

“Why do you get to call Gaz by their first name and not me?! I thought I was your favorite based upon yesterday, what has this British man done to your head beauty?” Soap cries out while quickly walking back over to you as Ghost is nowhere to be seen. 

Your head throws back in laughter as your shoulders rise and fall in swift motions. Gaz shakes his head at his squad member, shoving his shoulder lightly from around your frame with the hint of a smile tugging at the ends of his lips. While Soap remains completely serious in the matter, grabbing your shoulders lightly to make sure you are facing him when you respond. 

“Okay then Soap…” Your voice deepens teasingly at the mention of his callsign “...so what would you like me to call you?”

You watch as his eyebrows raise and a smirk slides its way across his features that has you already groaning, predicting what he is going to say as you can hear Kyle laughing behind you at the interaction.

“Mhmm, well there are a number of things I would love you to call me…” You roll your eyes at this comment,  “...Yet for now let's stick to Johnny.”

“Johnny?”

“You got it, Johnny.”

“Can’t promise I can say it with a scottish accent like you do”

“Humor me”

“Please don’t make me.”

“Just once, c'mon, promise not to record this one…”

“This one!”

“Oh shit.”

“Oh shit is right, Johnny” You respond in a horrible Scottish accent that has Soap reeling with laughter as he grips your shoulder and pulls you into a hug as Gaz laughs harder in the background. The flash of a camera can be heard as you call pause to face the sound to see Ghost pocketing his phone inside his black hoodie. 

╰┈➤ A/N: so... what did you guys think? Have a favorite member so far? Thank you serious for reading all of this lol.

Lasting Pictures Series Masterlist

[xoxo-author]

A book romance kind of thing

Hey ya'll! I'm back with some shitty writing! I have been having such writer's block when it comes to writing, especially my Jake Seresin series but I sat down to write and this little thing came out so! I've decided to expand my writing and start to write about all of the men I am obsessed with... Maybe that will help with the writer's block and I can get back to my Jake Seresin series! Anywho, enjoy!

Gif not mine, credit to owner

Noah Sebastian x FemReader

Warnings: Language, mentions of sex(but like not really), my writing as always

Also please don’t steal my work…

"Drinking at one o'clock in the afternoon? You really have reached rockstar status!" 

Noah's head snaps up, eyebrows furrowing in confusion before a smile ultimately takes up his whole face once he realizes that it was me.

I smile back as I start a little jog towards him, letting my bag drop once I am close enough and throw my arms around his neck. Noah, careful not to spill his drink, bends and tightly wraps his arms around my waist. 

Bending his knees a bit, Noah tightens his grip around my waist and lifts me off the floor before turning around to face the way he came and walking a few steps before sitting me down on a little wall ledge, "What're you doing here?" 

"There's this band called Bad Omens, people say they're cool so I thought I'd check them out." 

Noah shakes his head, "You wouldn't like their music."

I shrug before taking the cup from his hand and bringing it up to my lips, almost gagging as the amber liquid touched my tongue, "Oh my god, that's awful." 

Noah laughs, taking the cup from me and setting it to the side, placing his palms on the surface on either side of me, "No seriously, what're you doing here?" 

"Honestly?" 

He nods and I let out a sigh, beginning to play with my fingers that sat in my lap, "Jolly called me, he said that you seemed a little off. That you didn't seem like yourself, even when tour started. Jolly said that you wouldn't talk about it, always saying that nothing was wrong. The boys can't figure it out so Jolly asked if I knew but as far as I knew everything was fine. Jolly finally asked me if I would just come out to either cheer you up or fix what it is that's going on." I tilt my head as I look at him, "So tell me what's going on in that mind of yours."

Noah lets out a sigh before letting his head fall to my thighs, my hands automatically going to his hair. "It's so stupid but I cannot talk about it because if I do then I will be distracted the whole night and I'll be shit on stage." 

I had never seen Noah rattled before. He was always so calm and collected both on and off stage. It seemed like nothing could ever throw him off his game so whatever it was, must be big. 

Pulling my hands out of his hair, I place my hands on his shoulders and gently push him so he could stand up straight and look at me, "In that case, why don't we go put my bag away and then you take me to a merch stand so I can get a shirt and we can hang out until you have to go on? We can deal with this later." 

He nods his head and helps me down from the ledge, grabbing my bag as begin to walk towards their tour bus, "Don't you have a million Bad Omen shirts?" 

"Um, I don't have one from this tour!" 

                                                                              ****

I felt Noah shift behind me for what felt like the thousandth time. 

Don't get me wrong, tour buses aren't all that comfortable and I'm sure it's hard when the bed is barely big enough to fit someone's tall frame, but this bunk bed was so much more comfortable than previous ones. Now it could be because I have had a very long day but I all but passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow. 

Noah lets out a sigh as he flops onto his back. 

"What's wrong?" 

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" 

I shake my head, momentarily forgetting that it was pitch black and he couldn't see, "No but will you tell me what's keep you awake? Is it what's throwing you off?" 

It was silent for a few minutes and I was beginning to think that he had, finally, fallen asleep, but he sighs, his raspy voice whispering in the dark, "It's a fucking dream." 

"What?" 

"The night before our first show I had this dream and now every time I close my eyes, even if it's just to fucking blink, I see it. I think about it constantly and I just can't get it out of my head long enough to focus. Fuck, even when I'm out on stage I think about it. "

I roll onto my stomach and push myself to rest on my forearms, "Was it a nightmare?" 

"It was a fucking sex dream. Well, it started off as a sex dream, with you and I, which whatever, I've had those multiple times, but then it morphed into something more.  One minute you and I were going at it, it was great by the way, and then it switched, and all of a sudden we were going on dates, getting married, having babies, growing old, being dumb as hell together."

Pushing my weight to one arm, I move my hand to grab his arm, "Noah it was just a dream." 

I could feel him shake his head, "No it wasn't. I thought that at first too but then I realized that it's what I want. It's like those cliche romance books you read where the two best friends fall in love. I fell in love with my best friend and that dream just sent me over the edge because I want that with you. I want to take you out, be able to hold your hand, and touch your butt in public. I want to do the absolute dumbest shit with you by my side. I want to ride out the rest of this music shit with you by my side. I want to get married and put so many babies in you. I want to grow old with you." 

Noah's hand comes in contact with my jaw, his thumb gently tracing over my skin, "I'm sorry if I've ruined everything." 

Shaking my head, I pushed myself up until I was half on his chest with my nose brushing his, "You didn't ruin anything." 

Noah takes a beat before letting out a puff of air, hand wrapping around the back of my neck and pulling me forward, smashing his lips against mine. 

It was odd at first, kissing your best friend of years, but that quickly faded into something more passionate.

Pulling apart, "I don't think we should have babies right now but why don't we practice making them?" 

Letting out a low chuckle, Noah situates me until I am on my back and he is resting in between my legs, "I like the sound of that." 

[romanarose]

About a Girl: Chapter 5

Beautiful header by my beloved @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

Joel Miller x Trans!Fem!Reader (Nickname, Blue)

Series Masterlist : The Last of Us Masterlist : Full Masterlist

Summary: For week 3 of my pride event: Sex. Joel and Blue make everything official. Kayla ruins everything.

ADDITIONAL WARNING: Sorry ya'll this just happened with the story and it felt right for what was happening and the characters.. Warning for brief DV nothing extreme or detailed.

Warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter: 18+ ONLY!! I cannot warn against everything, but these are major themes. Joel is a lil ignorant but not out of hate. He just doesn't know. He's trying his best. There will be smut. Penetrative sex, all of the anal play, oral. There will be transphobia from other people. Addiction and alcoholism. QUICK child neglect not by Joel but I promise, Sarah is fine and is having a great time in life. Fetishization of women attracted to women by a shitty guy. Will update as needed. Again, this is adult content. Expect adult content.

Immersivity: Reader is transgender, AMAB female, reader has had gotten bottom surgery, not top, and is on hormones. reader has visible hair and a blue streak in hair, but not described. Could be braids, could be natural hair, whatever. Header is for aesthetics only. Reader is about Joel and Tommy's height. Let me know if i miss anything!

A/N: Not to sound like a 2012 wattpad writer but I cried writing this.

TRANS LIVES MATTER! TRANS YOUTH MATTER! TRANS ELDERLY MATTER! TRANS WOMEN MATTER! TRANS MEN MATTER! NON BINARY TRANS MATTER!

Things had been going well for weeks. Kayla had been taking Sarah on weekends consistently, which meant she didn’t have a man to distract her. This, however, meant she didn’t have a man to distract her away from Joel’s love life. Still, a little bit of boundary setting had done well for him, and Kayla had mostly been minding her business. Joel was able to see Blue every weekend, and was even able to spend more time with Tommy and Tess which was rare. 

Tonight, he had just got done having dinner at your house and was cuddling on the couch with you in his arms, all wrapped up. He liked moments like this a lot. Don’t get him wrong, he’d gone to another show with you and had a good time, but he was definitely happy to just sit at home with you.

You’d seemed an unlikely pair, you and him. You liked leather and black and grunge. He liked country and jeans and… well he wasn’t really sure what he really ”liked”, honestly. He loved Sarah. He liked All That, he liked Arthur, he didn't like Barney, he liked Franklin… what did he watch when Sarah was in bed? Sleep. He mostly slept. Sometimes he watched King of the Hill… he listened to Clinton Black, Garth Brooks… Sarah liked Reba, which was nice. Things to do for fun? He liked to play the guitar for Sarah. He liked to go to the park with Sarah. He liked to go with Sarah and Tommy to the roller rink… 

“I’d like yuh to meet Sarah.” Joel said against your ear, arms wrapped around your waste as he lay propped up against the arm rest. “Really meet her this time”

You paused, then sat up to turn and face him. You were smiling softly, eyes wide. “Really? I don’t want you to feel like you have to… but I’d love too…” Something hit you, making you bite your lip. “Introduce me as… what, exactly.” When you saw his eyes widen, you told him he didn’t have to pick a label right now, but he cut you off.

“My girlfriend. If you wanna.”

You squeal, returning to his arms for a hug and a kiss. “Yes!!!”

Joel returns the kiss, pulling you close, sliding a hand to the small of your back as you deepened the kiss, straddling his body. You and him had been making out, and of course the blow job outside the concert, but no sex. Not yet…

“Stay the night.” You whispered between kisses. “We don’t gotta do nothing you’re not ready for, but I’d love if you wanted to stay over”

Joel looked up at you, heart swelling faster than his cock in his pants. He reached up to touch your face. “I’m ready… only if you wanna”

You responded by grinding your cunt over his jeans, kissing him once more. You slide your tongue into his mouth, dominating the kiss and him. When you make it to the bedroom, Joel follows your lead, letting you press him up against the door as you fiddle with his belt. “Got any- mphhh- got any questions?”

His brow furrowed, looking a little confused and flushed. “With what? I don’t know if you know this, but I ain’t a virgin. Kid and all.”

“Yeah, I’m aware.” You chuckle. “I meant with the whole ‘not born with a vagina’ thing.”

The look on his face told you he forgot about that. “Oh. Um… I guess… can you… um…”

“Orgasm?!?!” You bawked, in disbelief that at the prospect of having sex with a transwomen, something he barely knew existed before you, and he’s concerned if you’re going to have a good time. “Yes, I can orgasm Joel. I got a fucked ton of lube by my drawer too, so we’re covered there, baby. Just.” you sigh, guiding him to the bed as you pull down his pants. “Sweetie,” You coo, his big brown eyes gazing adoringly as you return to your rightful place above him. “Just let me take care of you tonight, ‘kay? I got you.”

Awestruck, you nodded. “Yes ma’am.” In his dark boxer briefs, his cock is straining, heavy.

You slowly pull his briefs down, Joel humps his hips up to help and you stare in aw as his cock strings free. He’s hung, absolutely packing and you can see why Tess came back for a few more rounds. Getting a chance to look at him, really look at him this time… Big dick, big eyes, big man… bigger heart. He’s soft, kind. He’s gentle in a way you’d never seen from a southern farmer, a body capable of total destruction if he wanted to, but no room in his heart for it. You couldn’t imagine your sweet, precious man hurting anyone.

When you took him in your mouth, you couldn’t make it all the way down. You’d practice on tat, vowing to be able to deep throat him, but it didn’t seem to matter. He was a mess already. When was the last time he fucked someone? It’d been a few years since Tess and she never mentioned Joel having a girl since Kayla… You wanted to make him feel good. But Joel had other plans. 

“Wanna taste you.” He begs, tugging at your hair. “Really wanna taste you, Blue, please?” Joel is practically whimpering at you like a puppy and god, who are you to deny him? 

“You ever had someone sit on your face, Joel?”

He nods. Good, you didn’t wanna freak him out. He’s not a virgin, but you didn’t think he was the most experienced either. “Stay there.”

You spread your legs over his face, carefully lowering yourself on him when he surprises you by grabbing your thighs and yanking you down. “Hungry boy” You chuckle, delighted with his excitement. He shows no interest in the slight scarring, if he was even paying enough attention to notice; he seemed preoccupied.

Joel devoured you whole, moving and working with your body as you ground yourself on his face. He felt good, he knew what he was doing, that was for sure. Even if he didn’t get out much, he certainly had the enthusiasm. “Fuck Joel, just like that… Just like that…” You’re sure to make sure he knows he’s doing good, you weren’t going to get wet on your own. His nose nudges along your fold as he sucks on your clit when you bend over, jacking him off. You’d love to 69 him -he deserved it- but you didn’t want him orgasming too soon, and the poor guy was already looking like he was just barely hanging on as it was. You cum in his mouth, shouting out his name as you grip his perfect cock tightly, so tight you can’t believe he didn’t spurt all over your hand but you would have forgiven him if he had with the feeling he gave you. Riding his nose and putty lower lip until you’re done taking all your pleasure. 

When you flop over on the bed, Joel is on you in a second, lips sucking in yours desperately. He needs you, you can tell, but won’t ask for it. Joel isn’t the kind to take. He’s a giver. If you asked him to eat you out again he would, and would, and would until you’re ran dry and he’d just lay there, cock hard, cleaning you up. Because that was Joel. 

But you weren’t going to do that to him. Because he deserved to know he was worthy of love, pleasure, happiness.

When you drop on top of him, encasing him in your lubed up, warm cunt. He opens you in a way you’ve never felt before, making you moan onto the stubbled jaw you were kissing, making you whimper in such a way he asked if you were okay. No one on this earth was a better man than Joel Miller.

You rode him, hands pressed against his firm pecs and stomach rubbing against his softness. All the lifting in the world wasn’t going to work his abs, and the man was living off junk and the real food Frank made for lunch. He’s soft around the edges. Joel is a whiny, moaning mess and you savor every single second of it. Breathing in his shuttered exhales, letting it be your breath of life no matter how your legs burned as you bounced. Thumbs to soft inner thighs, you gave until your heart burst.

“I love you.” You blurt out, voice shaking as you admit your feelings, perhaps too soon. You hold your breath, closing your eyes tight as your brace for rejection, or even more scary; his devotion. Upright and spearing yourself on his sweet dick, you continue your movements blindly.

Until you feel him rise up.

Joel surged towards you, wrapping your body up in one arm and gripping the back of your neck with the other hand. Chest to chest, lips to lips, body to warm, adoring body.

“I love you,” He fucks his hips up into your body, muttering against your lips and cheek. “I love you so much, Blue.” And you believe him. 

Joel comes inside after you beg him for it. One orgasm is enough for you, you generally can’t twice but Joel does have you doubting that. He fills you up, clutching your ass and shoulders to him with fingers in your skin and face buried in your neck.

*

You wake up to your landline ringing. 

“Hello?” You answer quietly, but Joel stirs anyway.

On the other side, you hear Tommy. “Hey Blue, Joel with you?”

“Yeah, everything okay?”

Joel is up, eyes wide recognizing his brother's voice. He likes the phone from you. “Tommy? You alright?”

“Jesus Joel, had me worried. Kayla called damn near every bar in town trying to get a hold of me.”

“Shit.” Joel mutters, sitting on the side of the bed. “Sarah okay?”

Tommy said he didn’t know, but Kayla had been trying to call him. Joel hung up, searching for his phone. After calling Sarah good night, it fell under the bed.

You watch him frantically call Kayla, being sure to keep quiet. You know his ex can get jealous and he doesn’t need more stress. He’s so clearly worried, and you are too. It’s 1:30 am, if Kayla is calling then something is wrong with Sarah. “Whats wrong? Where’s Sarah?”

“She won’t stop crying, Joel.” Kayla snaps at him. Is she just calling because Sarah’s crying?

Joel scrubs his face. “Kayla, did you try comforting her?”

“Of course I did, you fucking asshole” You didn’t like how she speak to Joel, and you seethed in your anger, mouth still shut. “She won’t stop screaming. You need to pick her up, I can’t fucking do this.”

Joel sighs, standing up. You begin gathering his things for him. He’s butt naked, dick swinging. “Jesus, okay, I’ll come get her. Just go hold her, okay? She gets scared at night.”

Kayla snapped at him, saying she’s aware. 

He turns to you, apologetic. “I’m so-”

“Don’t you dare fucking apoligise, cowboy.” You toss him his briefs. “Sarah comes first, always. I’d do the same if I had a kid.”

He mumbles, redressing. “She always does this. Begs and cries about never seeing her, but sends her back early. Breaks Sarah’s little heart, you know? The uncertainty. She always dressed up so cute to see her mom, always brings her best art she makes at kindergarten, picture books she can read… even pretends to like Mariah Carey when she used to make me change the station. I can’t fucking take it.”

Your heart hurts for Sarah and Joel. Your own mom and dad never got you, even before coming out as trans or gay. You just were never right in their eyes. Years later, you start to think it was more about them than it was you. Who you are now is who you were always meant to be. You are happy. They are still miserable.

“Go get your daughter, Joel.” You kiss his cheek after he pulls his boots on. “Call me in the morning, or whenever you have time.”

He pauses, stopping to wrap his arms around you, strong and safe. “I meant every single word I said, Blue. I love you.”

“I know.” And you did.

*

After speeding on the empty roads, Joel makes it in record time, parking in front of some jacked up truck and  knocking on the door. He didn’t want to ring in case Sarah fell back asleep. The door flung open to reveal and frazzled Kayla. “About time, she’s been screaming non stop!” She opened the door and Joel looked inside, not seeing her but hearing her scream frantically. Kayla was dressed in a flownsy night top and panties, makeup lightly on like she kept when she first started sleeping over at Joel’s parents.

“Where is she?” He follows the sound of her cries. She sounds absolutely batshit terrified, calling mommy, mommy, mommy. He’s unfamiliar with Kayla place. “Sarah? Where are you baby girl?”

The mommy’s switched to daddy’s with renewed vigor and Joel quickly found the room, running to it but finding the bedroom door locked. He jiggled it, hearing Sarah’s voice on the other end of sobbing for him. Something was wrong. “It’s okay, baby girl. I’m here. Daddy’s here.” He tried to sound calm but turned to Kayla, furious. “Why is the door locked.”

“Don’t raise your voice at-”

“KAYLA UNLOCK IT!”

Kayla grabbed the key from a table nearby, explaining as she unlocked it, Joel’s voice reassuring Sarah she was safe it was okay. 

“She had a nightmare, said she saw you and Tommy die on that stupid fucking farm. Wouldn’t shut the fuck up when I tried to tell her you’re-”

As soon as it was unlocked Joel burst in, dropping to his knees to scoop up his baby and soothe her. Sarah continued to cry, but relief to it.

“I’m okay, my baby. I’m okay, so is uncle Tommy. I promise.” His hands felt her shampoo or conditioner soupy residue in there. Joel told her not to wash Sarah’s hair, that it was washed the night before but she didn’t listen. Kayla never took time with washing it, rinsing it properly.

After getting the number of the last bar that Kayla found Tommy at, he got a hold of his brother when Sarah was yet to be reassured her beloved uncle was alive.

“See Sare-Bear! I’m right as rain! I even promise to make you chocolate chip pancakes in the morning, even if your dad says no, okay?”

Sarah niffles, still clearly shook up and visible shaking in her barbie nightie, but better. “O-okay. You promise you’re not hurt?”

“Not one bit, never been better. Want me to come home?”

“No… no…” But she didn’t sound certain.

Once Sarah was reassured, Joel scooped her up. She clung to her dad, clutching his shirt in her little hands. Joel turned to Kayla with a glare. “You locked my daughter in her room when she thought her dad and uncle were D-E-A-D?” He spelled out, making Kayla roll her eyes. 

“You cuddle her too much, you and Tommy both. She needs to learn to cry it out.”

“One, she’s 5 and had a horrible nightmare. Two, you literally called me!” Then, Joel heard a thump coming from another room and it made sense now. The truck, Kayla underwear and makeup. “Kayla. Do you have a man in the house right now?”

She looked like she was about to lie, then thought better of it. “What I do with my home is none of your business.”

He tried to keep calm, chest rising and falling in anger against Sarah, still gently sniffing. They had an agreement on this. “How long have you known this man.”

She crossed her arms defensively, “A few weeks.”

His jaw ticked. “You brought a man you barely know to sleep over while my daughter is here?” In anger, he turned around, walking to the door but Kayla shouted after him.

“Relax Joel! This ain’t even the first time! Sarah likes him, he’s nice, he-”

Whipping around, Joel took long footsteps towards Kayla, clutching Sarah who had begun crying again. Sarah knew when a fight was happening. “How long as this been going on? Do you leave her alone with him?” Then he realized… if Sarah met him, and never mentioned him… he took a deep breath. “Kayla. Did you tell my child not to tell her father about a man? Did you seriously tell her to keep a secret from me?”

Joel never ever said. “don’t tell mom.” Ever. His heart raced in fear about the potition she was put in. If Sarah didn’t think she could tell him about the man, if anything happened, she’d keep that a secret too.

“Joel, it’s not a -”

“Don’t! No more sleepovers Kayla! No more of this until you can stop doing stupid-”

Seeing the slap coming and bracing for it was the only thing keeping his face from rolling into Sarah’s head. His eyes remained closed, blurring with tears. Not of pain, but humiliation. Knowing Sarah just heard her mom hit her dad. He’d always managed to keep that shit away from her… 

“What, are you gonna cry now?” She mocked, but Joel wouldn’t have it.

“Sarah, sweetie, say goodbye to mommy. We’re going home.”

Sarah waved goodbye, but didn’t speak. Joel took her into the car and buckled her safely in, pulling a blanket over her legs in her nightie. He’d send Tommy to get the rest of her things tomorrow. Right now, he needed to get Sarah home.

Joel laid in bed with her, holding Sarah close to him on the twin bed. He tried to lull her back to sleep, but she hadn’t stopped sniffling and gently crying the whole ride back, even as Joel tried to distract her. 

“Why doesn’t mommy like me?” Sarah mumbled against Joel’s arm, her back to his chest.

“Oh baby…” He kissed her hair. “Your mommy loves you so, so much. She and I think you’re just the coolest kid ever.”

She thought on this for a while. “You know the bird I made in kindergarten? Where I glued the feathers?”

“Yes baby, I remember.”

“And the sheet where I wrote my name 5 times?”

“I remember, it looked so good.”

“I brought them… and last night I saw them in the trash.”

Joel’s eyes welled up with tear, tucking his face into her hair to hide it. “It must be an accident, Sarah. We get so many bills, it probably just got lost in the piles.”

“I put it on the fridge for her.”

“It must have fallen…” Joel hated lying to her, but… “You know, just the other day your mom called me to tell me how she’s so proud of you. How she thinks you’re the prettiest girl in the whole world and so, so smart.”

Sarah’s bedroom door cracked open, Tommy appearing.

“Hey Sare-bear” He spoke gently. “Got room for me?”

Joel scooched over and saw Sarah smiling for the first time. Daddy was comfort, but Uncle was joy. “Yes!!”

As Tommy took off his boots and jacket, Joel enlisted him to his lie. “Tommy, remember how her mom was telling us how proud she is of Sarah?” 

Tommy got the jist. “Oh yeah, she’s always talk’n ‘bout you. Can’t get her to stop, really. Says you know more about dinosaurs than anyone else on the planet.”

“Yeah! Because I saw Jurassic Park!”

Joel shot Tommy a look but let it slide. At least Tommy doesn’t tell Sarah to keep secrets. “Yup. See baby? She loves you so much.”

“Good” Sarah yawned. “Because I love mommy. I wanna be just like her when I grow up.”

The three of them fell asleep like that on the twin bed. Sarah snuggled right up in her daddy’s arms, uncle Tommy on the other end holding her little hand. 

In the morning, Tommy made them all chocolate chip pancakes.

Lets get on the fight Kayla club!!!!!

Tommy loves his neice....

Sarah is perfectly safe, I promise.

please lmk your thoughts!!!! Thanks for all the cool works with this pride event!!!

How to keep up with the series:

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[hockstetters-overbite]

HCs for Henry as a kid? angst and fluff are also very welcome :)

AUGHHH FUCK YEAH IVE BEEN WANTING TO SHARE MY HEADCANONS FOR A SOFT SQUISHY LIL TINY HENRY LETS FUCKING GOOOOO!

Ofc TWs: Abuse mentions, Lots of yapping about Henry's mom, Butch being a shitty dad after his wife leaves and ik having to grow up too early hits hard for a lot of people so I'll throw that in there too!

The rest of the Bowers Gang besides Patrick and book characters that didn't make the cut for 2017 will be mentioned since I'm a firm believer that Belch, Henry and Vic were childhood friends, 'specially Henry n Vic!

Before his mom left, Henry was definitely a very affectionate child, as are most children. He was very sweet to his mother, cuddling up to her when she would tuck him in and read stories to him and frequent hugs as well!

He was definitely a kid who loved making mud-pies, playing with cars and bugs, that kinda stuff! That's probably why he got on so well with Belch as young kids

Believe you me, Henry used to think Butch was the most awesome and strongest man in the world before the abuse, drinking and PTSD took hold of him and he did really want to spend time with and bond with his father

After Henry's mom left, Henry and Butch became pretty distant from each other aside from Henry needing to take care of Butch since Butch is barely capable of taking care of himself

Henry also stopped calling Butch "dad" when Butch started being more abusive and drinking because he no longer saw Butch as that decent, even good father that he used to be

Henry used to bake with his mother when she was still around

Adding onto that last point, Henry's mom used to make cherry pies the most often and now Henry cannot eat cherry pie without feeling at least a little bit bittersweet about his mother leaving

Henry doesn't blame his mom for leaving, he only wishes that he could've gone with her and made sure she's at least somewhere that she's safe. He feels angry that she didn't take him with her but he doesn't blame her.

Henry, Belch and Victor are all childhood friends because their mom's were friends, Henry's mom and Victor's mom's were a lot closer then Belch and Henry's mom's but Vic and Belchs mom's knew each other so that's how Belch and Henry met

When Henry was a very little kid and still looked up to his father, he used to want to be a cop when he was older just like Butch

Henry was definitely a mama's boy though he'll never admit it to anyone

The thing he misses most about his mom is her home-cooked meals, he tries his hardest to cook when he's older and stuck taking care of his dad but in his mind he can never beat his mom's cooking and he longs to be able to taste her cooking one more time one day even though he knows that day will never come

These were definitely awesome to write! A lot of these stem from how I think Henry would've acted before all of his traumatization and I just think him, belch and Vic knew each other for a long, long time (especially Vic) so that's why they're all so close!

Definitely keep the requests coming ya'll because writing these is honestly a really refreshing way to destress after school!

[separatist-apologist]

You know what?

I am SO TIRED of being told I have to be nice to people who come into my askbox and take shots at me. When I got on this stupid website literally TWO WEEKS ago and B E G G E D people to be understanding because I was drowning under pressure and I needed to take a step back so I could remain in the fandom and ya'll liked it and said, "of course- take care of you!" without mentioning the addendum "unless it's the thing I enjoy reading".

So it's okay for people to come into my askbox on anon and tell me I'm a shitty person for not engaging with them the way they want to- to send MULTIPLE anons about it.

To come into my askbox and take shots at my perceived religion, a fact I've never shared widely on this app, and demand to know if I wasn't updating because of my "high holidays" which. Ok.

To log out of their profile not even 24 hours later and leave a rude comment on that same fic demanding I update.

And then to have people I consider friends VAGUE me (WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?) about how I need to be nicer to people who you ADMIT were entitled and RUDE. Because fundamentally a lot of ya'll do not see me as a person who should be allowed to feel anything but gratitude.

I didn't do anything. I didn't chase someone off- people own their own actions. I have spent enough time being kind to this fandom that frankly, just does not deserve the constant benefit of the doubt. People have routinely stolen my stories often word for word and I've told my friends to keep from putting them on blast and worked it out privately or just swallowed the frustration. I've deleted and blocked COUNTLESS anons, more than you can EVER count, and still they return, lessons unlearned. I've been the subject of the dumbest harassment from people I didn't know even existed.

I'm just trying to have a modicum of fun. I am just begging people to offer me the smallest amount of grace as I am SCREAMING that I!!! AM!!! STRUGGLING!!!!!

To show up- as someone I considered a friend, and write a post that I needed to do better in the face of what was objectively both shitty AND unfair, is just a wild take. You could have messaged me privately. ANY OF YOU COULD HAVE, including the original person looking for an update and this was the route you all chose instead.

Why don't you guys, for once, take some responsibility for your own actions? And leave me the fuck alone.

[avatarrecom]

Family time

Word count: 348

A/N: This can be read as an Custody AU by @ao3gobi17 or as an Lost and found AU by @raving-raven-writing or however you want to read it.

My grandpa died recently and when I was jolting down some memories to send to my cousin who was going to give a speech at the funeral, I suddenly remembered these.

My two cousins, uncle, dad and grandpa used to use me as a throwing ball in the swimming pool when I was young. And there is a really cute picture of me, sitting of my cousins shoulders, while his was sitting on our oldest cousins shoulders.

Anyways, my therapist said that it would be a good idea to write something with these memories to process everything and I thought it would be cute to write this with young Spider.

My grandpa's funeral sucked by the way, my aunt had a heart attach during her speech and had to go to the hospital with an ambulance... At least now I have even more shitty things to talk about in therapy 👍🏻

Anyway, it's short and not my best work, but I hope ya'll enjoy!

Spider was flying! Well… not actually flying. It’s not like he suddenly grew wings and flew away, but he was flying anyway. For a couple seconds at least, until he landed in his uncle Lyle’s arms.

Uncle Lyle gave Spider a grin, before hoisting him in a different position so he could throw the boy in the air. Spider closed his eyes, while giggling madly. Then he was caught again, this time by his uncle Mansk. Even in the swimming pool in the basement of their huge house (of course they were in the swimming pool, nobody in their right mind would use a 6 year old boy as a football somewhere, god forbid, he could get hurt), uncle Mansk wouldn’t take his sunglasses off.

But anyway, since you’re probably wondering why a 6 year old boy is used as a football, the answer is very, very simple… It was sooo much fun! It was like he was actually flying, I mean how awesome is that! Daddy said that it was good exercise and much more fun than doing exercises with those boring machines. Which is true of course, Spider was much more fun than those machines, thank you very much.

Uncle Lyle had grabbed Spider after they’d been in the water for a while and had tossed him to uncle Fike, who in turn tossed him to uncle Lopez. Spider’s dad, other uncle’s and his aunties had joined in the game. Except for uncle Prager, who always worried about 12 rough, ‘macho’ (whatever that may mean) marines raising a six year old, but so far, Spider was loving it! Even though he missed his mommy since she went to heaven, he had gotten such a huge family!

Eventually, much to his dismay, Spider had to stop flying. But every one promised that he would be flying again soon! Instead, he got to be really, really tall! Even taller than uncle Ja, who’s the tallest.

Auntie Walker sat Spider on her shoulders and then she sat on uncle Mansk’s shoulders! They were so tall and it was awesome!

[citylighten]

What was your inspiration to write a mafia/mob/cartel/la familia type story?

So, I was primarily raised by my grandma and her sisters and they loved mafia films. Like, my grandma considered Robert De Niro to be her man. My grandma apparently wrote a whole mafia story in her notebook when she was a teen. 😂 I saw Once Upon a Time in America (my grandma's personal fave) and parts of The Godfather when I was really young, but I wasn't enthralled in these films. I didn't even understand the workings of the mob. Yet, I respected these and held fascination for them because it was my grandma's interest and I love my grandma! Some time passes. I'm in 6th Grade. My best friend becomes obsessedddd with Scarface. [which I feel is a general thing that's apart of black culture 😂😂] I mean she has her first fictional crush! And I'm in class endorsing it like a good friend! I saw that movie a total of three times when I was a preteen due to the love of my friend, including a lousy BET cut and even now I would say that is one of my favorite gangster films. Some more time passes and I'm still really into this genre even though I'm still dumb about the inner workings and hierarchy. I just know it's suits and action! In high school I wrote a shitty mafia AU story for a anime fandom I was in. We don't talk about that, but it was like a stepping stone and it was fairly well-received by my friends. Fast forward into adulthood and in 2016-ish? I made my OC Sal! Although Sink or Swim takes place in the modern day, Sal and Eve were originally historical ocs! So, I tried to do a lot of research through film. Instead of watching documentaries or reading thoroughly, I watched films like Harlem Nights, Goodfellas, Mean Streets, Godfather, A Bronx Tale, Casino! And in watching these movies I had the mindset of, "okay, I wanna take these elements for Sal, I wanna leave plot themes like this out." also shoutout to the video games Mafia I, II, and III. They had some immersive storytelling. I roleplayed Sal for awhile on tumblr and eventually I met @ladygangsters who was equally into the gangster genre! But due to her love of the series Narcos, I learned a lot more about the cartel beyond my shallow Scarface knowledge. She's really the one with all the cartel ocs, broadening my horizons!😂 I didn't know if I wanted to do a gangster story on simblr tbh. Mostly because tackling a complex story was daunting and it's WAY EASIER to just do slice of life narratives. When I first started Sink or Swim I was lowkey freaking out irl like, "I don't know what to do, I don't know I'm doing, oh my god I'm gonna torment myself with this story." But I didn't scare ya'll away with my content. I didn't feel overwhelmed when I reached certain heavy points of the story. I feel like I trust myself to tell this story now more than I did when I first plotted it out. And now I'm doing a lot of heavy co-writing with @ladygangsters and we treat our writing the way we would if we were still rping with each other, so that brings a high level of comfort.

[anogete]

Oh my goodness

Hello to anyone who remembers me. Real life and mental health both sank their claws into me. I've been avoiding social media because... well, many reasons but most because I feel like I'm a big ol' disappointment.

But today, I've come here like the humble whore I am to ask for a beta. Before you get excited, I have to warn you that it's not for Marvel, which (if you remember me) is what you likely know me for writing. Read on for an explanation about where the fuck I've been and what fandom I've spiraled down into lately.

In 2019-2020, I had a lot of grieving to do for some close loved ones who passed on. This led to a really shitty space for my mental health where I went into a functioning depression. I was doing things, but only the bare minimum required to exist without people catching on that I was in a bad mental space. I can't say I've completely kicked that, but I'm trying to do better. At the same time, I had a bunch of stuff going on a work. Specifically, I work for a team of advisors who provide financial planning services to individuals/families. I was promoted to an associate in 2020 and then we went through a merger with a larger firm in 2022. So, work has been crazy with me taking on additional responsibilities and working to build new processes after the merger. In addition, I managed to finish my bachelor's (20 years after I dropped out of college!) and take classes toward getting a CFP designation over the past 2 years. I'm scheduled to take the CFP exam in November. It's a 6-hour bear of a test covering pretty much all aspects of personal financial planning. And then next year I'll be continuing with my team as an advisor myself. Do I have anxiety? Fuck, yes. But I'm trying to stop cockblocking myself on the career front.

ANYWAY, enough with the boring stuff. I've been drowning in material for classes and studies with so little fun in my life. Somehow I got on CODTok (Call of Duty) and my little imagination ran wild as I watched these absolutely filthy edits of those boys. And for the first time in a long time, I felt that itch to write. I really should be focusing on studying for this exam, but all work and no play isn't fun. It's taken me 3 years to learn that lesson, but it has managed to finally sink into my thick skull.

My problem is that I know virtually nothing about Call of Duty because I don't like video games. As for the characters--I only know minimal info (mostly from YouTube videos and a COD wiki). It would be nice to have someone more knowledgeable than me to look over what I've written. And if not that, then it would be nice to have anyone other than me give it a beta read to point out my stupid mistakes or plot holes. I have about 16 pages of a Ghost/OFC written. It's my usual--heavy on the dialogue and sexual tension with a side of plot/action. I don't know how fast I'll be at writing this. Work is kicking my ass and I still need to dedicate my weekends to studying for this test. But if you're willing to take a little ride with me, I'd love some input. Send me a message or email me at anogete527@yahoo.com if you're interested. I miss and love ya'll.

[nevertheless-moving]

Hi! I love your writing snippets - have you thought about posting them on ao3

Thank you!! Yes, I have thought about it, for sure! I'm nevertheless_turtle on ao3.

(I have... six fics, all of them star wars, half of them unfinished, last one updated in January 2022. Unless someone decides to put a million dollars in my kofi jar, this is for Fun, so unfortunately once the hyperfixation fades...it fades*.

:( star wars back and forth tumblr fics with star wars mutuals my beloved... murderbot discord i loved collaborative storytelling with ya'll and i miss you...i don't know how to make friends on the internet i just talk blorbos in situations and my blorbos drift over time... hello stormlight archive fandom)

! anyone want to talk about putting my type of blorbo, which when i check my notes is a pathetic wet person who is very good at killing but somewhat tries to avoid it, if you want to talk putting someone like that in a Situation, Hey! i may or may not be your person. this ask is really getting away from me i might be tired from walking a bunch of miles today...

*i do historically cycle back around to fandoms! i was lurking on tumblr for over a decade before i posted anything and there was definitely a cyclical nature to it! i consistently knit furiously for 3 months and then take a 4 year break! star wars fics wait for me!

aNYWAY writing fic directly into Tumblr adn/or Discord or if i don't have internet connection then a fuckin shitty notes app appears to be the Key for me?? like i tried fic writing before that in Word or Docs and it just didn't go?? idk! I think it's like the comic sans trick.

wait i still haven't answered the question.

you know, the thing is, when i write a snippet at the end of 5 paragraphs of background meta for an au, or a literal bullet point list, i'm not really sure how to post that to ao3. can you post chatfic and bullet points to ao3? it feels weird? idk. real question for the crowd in the midst of an extremely incoherent ask answer. let me know what you think!

me to myself: the question. scroll back up. what was the question. myself to me: that was answering the question! somewhat!

Right now a bunch of fic writing is churning around and out of brain, and circumstances have aligned for better or worse such that i have time and mental energy and ideas to write. we'll see how it goes. Once I get a bit more posted on tumblr i'll probably put things together and either make seperate works for different aus, or a masterwork of different tumblr aus that i don't think i'll develop further. i may turn some of those bulletpoint lists into cleaner fics for posting, making my earlier point moot.

some of my aus i already have a bunch written on my phone over meals or stopped in the middle of a side walk or on bus and train rides (why would an ELEVEN HOUR TRAIN RIDE not have an outlet to charge my laptop??). so. if i clean that stuff up ill probably post it to tumblr, then immediately notice the spelling mistakes, edit, then post to ao3.

a perfect system.

for my most recent snippet, well, that's actually self contained (not an au that requires 6 paragraphs of background to understand the snippet) and not a chat fic, so i WAS thinking i would just post it to ao3 soonish. i asked in the tags if anyone felt like betaing for ao3, i am wildly but unquestioningly assuming that the sorta individual who would want to beta a fic for me are reading the tags on my tumblr fic post. if anyone likes betaing stormlight or is interested in betaing a specific au/fic idea i've mentioned, hit me up.

TLDR above, tumblr is a for fun rough draft looser writing form place for me. ao3 feels like its asking for a bit more polish and structure. i have writing bees in my brain right now so i'm slightly more focused on that then editing, but if anyone feels like doing some form of beta, reach out and we can chat about it. regardless, i will clean up at least some of my recent snippets and post to ao3 eventually.

[moonystoast1971]

HI IM PISSED OFF AND HERE TO TALK SHIT ABOUT TOXIC MARAUDERS STANS

so i saw a "hot take" it was the coldest shit ever like girlie my fridge is broken rn pls bring ur opinions this way

basically they were mad that the marauders fandom now has more characters in it (the characters they named: pandora dorcas evan barty) and that it was now less about james sirius and remus but more about "ocs" and want to bring it back to the early 2000s

TW!!!!!!!!!!: talks about racisim, colourism, sexual harrassment, homophobia, fat phobia, lesbophobia, general toxicisity, sexism, shitty beauty standards

lets evaluate ur early 2000s:

-two ships only ever written about and they were both toxic: jily and wolfstar lets talk about that for a second: Jily was only ever written in a way that was litterally sexual harrassment! you had james sexually harrassing lily every five minutes but called it romantic. you had this girl subjected to years of humiliation and sexual harrassment - THAT STARTED AT AGE 11 AND WENT ALL THE WAY TO AGE 17! like u were telling us how cute it was to be pressured into romance. THE LOVELYYYYYY EARLY 2000S <333333333 next we have wolfstar which was litterally gays for straight ppl, remus was ur tortured little broken boy who treated sirius like literal shit- this man treated sirius as if he was an annoying ass burden, he could never do anything good, he was always treated as if his presence was killing remus. but its fine they were aestheticly pleasing and the straight girls loved to read about them. sirius and remus were ur trauma porn gays written for straights. lily and james were ur sexual harrassment turned love affair romance for the toxic love girlies.

-all ur characters were white: james occasionally got to be desi but that was fucking rare, all ur characters were skinny white ppl. if james was written as desi itd be one quick "cholatey skin" (seriously why were you out here describing his skin as food???????? none of the 4385853959 billion white ppl got that treatment) dorcas and mary eventually got thrown in but of course OF FUCKING COURSE ya'll still had mary as miss lily collins miss emily from paris and dorcas as light skin when she was dark skinned (your colourisms showing babes - dark skin girls are beautiful, don't forget that) but no yall had her as miss zoe kravits well knowing she was dark skin

-your over glorification of male characters and complete ignorance to the female characters:

Tell me why james sirius remus and snape (never peter) all got these in depth stories, all got to have feelings that got explained, lives that had meaning but lily evans was a pawn in her own love story? was used as a plot device? as personal growth for not one BUT TWO MEN she wasn't a person to ya'll she was james and snapes character development. mary and dorcas got added in and were given the personality of fucking sticks on the ground. you treated these women as if they were plot points to further the lives of men AND NOW UR COMPLAINING WE'VE GIVEN THEM PROPER PERSONALITIES?????? my brothers in christ ur sexism is showing, better cover up.

-UR TOXIC ASS BODY STANDARDS (oml this one drives me up the fucking wall):

you will be genuinely SHOCKED how many early 2000s marauders fics i've read where the second its revealed peter betrayed them he's being called fat and ugly and horrible names about his weight. james remus and sirius were these perfect little pretty boys who were basically described as gods while peter was described as ugly and surprisingly (no it fucking wasnt surprising in the slightest) fat THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH PLUS SIZE BODIES so why was that how you described him? always just "fat and ugly" what the fuck? STOP DEMONISING PLUS SIZE BODIES

-ur antisemitism: Snape was ur bad guy, so of course your "amazing" writing "talents" had to talk about how ugly he was but snape wasn't plus sized so ya'll couldn't call him fat, OH BUT LOOK GUYS HE STILL HAS A BODY PART WE CAN INSULT TO MAKE THE MARAUDERS LOOK EVEN BETTER THAN HIM!!!!!!! HIS NOSE!!!!!!! sitting here writing fucking paragraphs describing this man and always going back to his "big ugly nose" "ginormous nose" u may not like it but ur an antisemitic. you're talking about a jewish mans nose and describing it in ways to make it sound hideous JUST TO GLORIFY UR BORING ASS WHITE MEN! why was his nose the marauders favourite insult?

-ur general homophobia:

as i said earlier: WOLFSTAR WAS GAYS WRITTEN FOR STRAIGHT GIRLS TO TWIRL THEIR HAIR ABOUT

those were ur only queer characters. james was straight, peter was straight (tho some of yall mfs [2000s remadora shippers] were out here making peter the only queer character so it just worked so well when he was ur bad guy) snape was straight, lily was straight (not that it mattered bc the girl barely had a personality) the fandom was just a bunch of overly glorified straight assholes with their two gay friends who hold hands to make the straight girls horny. eventually marlene and dorcas were thrown in to apease the lesbians but all they did was come by holding hands and say hi to ur precious white men and never speak again

LETS TAKE A LOOK AT THE FANDOM NOWADAYS:

female characters are actually treated like important characters NOT JUST PLOT DEVICES (wow who knew that was something we could do 😲😲😲)

queer characters are written properly they aren't just jerk off material for straight girls

the characters arent just fucking white men and when they arent white their culture is actually fucking mentioned it isnt just a throw in to appease ppl

the characters just have more fucking personality tbh

body types are celebrated not demonised

there are so many different ships which allows representation for so many different people

NON CISGENDERED CHARACTERS!!!!!

redemption for characters that were literal children in that war (these kids were raised in households brainwashed and abused to fight in a war they were too young to even understand properly)

honestly our stories r just fucking better

QUEER SHIPS WRITTEN FOR AND BY QUEER PEOPLE!!

now last thing i wanna talk about is the added characters and the redemptions for certain characters: literally all i want to say is if u dont fucking like seeing other characters being given roles in it DONT PRESS THE FANFICS WITH THEIR NAMES TAGGED theres this special button in ao3 which allows u to exclude certain things - exclude their names if ur small brain cant see that these were literal children who were being manipulated into their ways and if ur tiny little brain cant handle so many names

please feel free to agrue with me in the comments babes id love to hear ur shitty ass old ass out dated ass opinions <33333

[sinsiriuslyemo]

When Insecurity Makes You Racist

Ya'll, I've got some stuff I wanna get off my chest.

So this morning there I was, drinking my tea, trying to decide which story I was going to continue working on, minding my own damn business for once when on twitter (I'm not calling it X. I said it, and I don't care) I saw a tweet from a mutual talking about some Chucklehead who had created a burner account on Goodreads (seriously, who the fuck does this?) and was mass one-starring books by other indie authors on there. Wait, because there's more.

As if this wasn't shitty enough, this person was also five-starring their own book, which will debut in 2024.

Did you fucking ever??

So, naturally, I did some digging as I do because I'm nosy af. Fortunately, I wasn't the only one wanting to know the tea, but unfortunately, it doesn't appear as though there's much more information out there except that this author, who I will remind you has not even published their book yet, is acting a damn fool and threatening their own career before it even kicks off.

I did manage to find this thread, which appears to be the original tweet that kicked all this off on twitter, but doesn't go into very much detail. It does, however, reveal another sickening aspect of this fuckery that l i t e r a l l y makes me want to riot, and that this...author was/is "using clearly POC names in the fake accounts to upvote every negative review on POC books so the top ones are all one and two star."

It got me to thinking about how precious and valuable reviews are. How much we crave them as indie authors because it's what will boost our books in the algorithm and get our book into the hands of the next reader. It's our lifeblood. A review and/or rating on Goodreads can absolutely make a difference, especially to indie authors since we only have ourselves and the generosity of our peers to market our books.

So, for an author to betray that is such a disheartening thing. I can't imagine taking the time to create a burner account for the sole purpose of trying to tear down my fellow indies. What's worst, and most likely the most egregious aspect of all of this is that they're weaponizing a POC identity (which I don't even know that they are actually POC) in order to tear down POC authors.

Being an indie author is hard. You're responsible for every aspect of writing, preparing, marketing and selling your book. There's an enormous amount of pressure that naturally comes with being an indie author. Not to mention the constant intrusive thoughts of "what if no one reads my book?" It's hard. But to go out of your way to sabotage other authors so that your book does well is not the way. As indies, we've GOT to have each other's backs, and yes, even call each other out when necessary. This person has not been identified as of yet, and I honestly don't know how I feel about that.

On one hand, there is zero attention on them as an individual and all the attention on their racism and blantant disrespect for the indie community, specifically the POC author community, and therefore their book, name is not receiving any attention apart from the five stars they're giving themselves. But on the other hand, does this mean they're going to be able to get away with their behavior?

It would be bad enough if this were a one-off thing, where they posted one bad review and upvoted themselves one time. I would still say expose their asses if I'm being honest. But this is m u l t i p l e instances of this and in a short period of time.

This is not okay.

And will them getting away with it encourage them to do it again or do something similar?

Personally, I want to know who they are so that I don't support them even by accident, but I know it isn't necessarily my place to demand this. We'll see what happens. As of right now, it appears the person who first posted about it is giving them a chance to knock it the fuck off, which is so incredibly generous, and in my opinion is more than they deserve.

I don't know if this person will heed their advice and stop the fuckery, but I know that I cant just sit idly by and wait for tea — though I most certainly will be watching this and waiting for any additional tea, because friends, I AM A NOSEY BITCH! That and I want to make sure this author never accidently ends up in my TBR because literally fuck them, and their racist burner accounts.

Still, this whole thing makes me want to do something. Not just talk about doing something or talk about how fucked this is — and it is, absolutely fucked. So I kept digging, hoping to at least find a list of those authors targeted so that I could use what platform I have to share their work.

The only post I've been able to find thus far is this one, calling for exactly the same thing, a list of all the authors who have been victimized by a person that should have been cheering them on, not plotting and mobilizing to sabotage them. Thus far, only one name has been identified, at least that I have found, but I will be keeping my eyes open for more, and I will update this post every time I find a new name. I implore you, if you're a reader and want to support indie authors, give their books a read. Leave them a review on Goodreads as well as on Amazon (just copy and paste the same one, I promise it's fine) so that their book gets pushed out and promoted to other readers.

The Poisons We Drink by Bethany Baptiste follows Venus Stoneheart as she avenges the murder of her mother while navigating the corrupt political atmosphere of DC. I will be reading and reviewing this book on my blog as the synopsis sounds bad ass. The link above will take you directly to Bethany's website where you can get more details on this novel.

In the meantime, don't fucking do this if you're an indie author. Don't do this at all even if you're not an indie author. It's gross, it's racist, and it's going to take all of us together to combat this nonsense.

[synamartia]

Ya'll... when I tell you about the fucking week I just had...

So by now all of you are aware that my phone died and I wasn't able to be online until I could get it fixed. Well! Come to find out, it would have cost more to fix the screen than to just buy a new phone outright, so I just did that. It was a downgrade, but with all the issues my old phone was having aside from the cracked screen, it's still ten times better than what I had. Bought the phone, got everything transferred, went about my day as usual and went to bed early that night.

Guys. When I woke up, I thought I was fucking DEAD I felt so shitty. I didn't know what the fuck was going on. All I knew was I was freezing my ass off while sweating like a warthog in a sauna, I couldn't see straight, and my throat hurt so bad I couldn't speak. That's not an exaggeration, I literally couldn't speak - let alone eat or drink. Found out I was running a temp of 103 the first couple of days and all I did was sleep, and my tonsils were so swollen that even drinking water was painful. Eventually my fever broke and the swelling did go down, but now it fucking BURNS when I swallow anything like I just downed four shots of Everclear with a tabasco sauce chaser. Still not sure what exactly it was, but so far no one else in my house has gotten it, so I'm not even sure if it was something contagious - which just brings up a shit ton of questions about what it was and how I got it. i also can't sneeze without pain shooting down my neck which is great cause it's ALLERGY SEASON YAY

So, suffice to say, my tolerance for social interaction has been very minimal this past week and I haven't had a chance to get any writing done (at least it was my weekend off). I'm still not back to 100% but I'm getting there! Just wanted to give you guys a quick update, so now I'm gonna go take a zinc tab, get my kids in bed, and then try to crank out that teaser I promised ya'll~! ❤️

Side note: the 23rd was my youngest daughter's 4th birthday, and this kid. Omfg she cracks me up. So bedtime rolls around and my kid, she's watching these DIY videos for like fidget toys or whatever, and she sees one of those pimple popping toys. She runs up to me and is trying to get me to watch it (I'm barely conscious at this point btw) and she points to her forehead and tells me that she has pimples on her face, and that she needs one of those toys to pop instead. She literally just turned 4, and I tell her pimples don't happen until you're a teen (in my case, at least), and that she's got about ten more years to go before she's a teen. Then I ask her if she knows how long ten years is, and how far away into the future it is. She screams yeah, so I ask her how far.

This kid. This fucking kid. She proceeds to press herself against the wall of our living room, then runs across the length of it and down our hallway until she straight slams herself into our bathroom door (sort of like inexperienced skaters stop themselves at a roller rink by skating into that half wall), then yells back at me "THIS FAR!" I fucking died it hurt so much but I couldn't stop laughing 🤣☠️It was worth it though! ❤️

[neko-naruto]

Misconceptions

Summary: Kyle is only distantly aware he's chosen the worst time to confess

Warnings: swearing, mentions of various deaths, check Ao3 port for full tags

Authors Note: I wrote this to get myself through some idea drought, but Kenny being an oblivious and jealous prick is honestly fun to write, it may happen again. this is basically me shoving another scene into the manbearpig episode by the way, so keep that in mind while reading. hope ya'll enjoy!

Kenny's breathing starts to stutter with the cold, he's too far into sleep to wake up and shuffle around a bit too try and get warm. Kyle can hear it, it's shockingly hard to fall asleep on the cold ground while trapped in a cave system. He feels perfectly fine heat wise, passed out next to Stan and using his jacket as a blanket.

Kyle doesn't know what he's supposed to do. On one hand, he lets Kenny freeze to death or go terribly ill. On the other hand, he wakes up Kenny and hopes that the blonde doesn't get pissed off.

He opts for waking up Kenny.

His entire body feels clunky when he stretches, hands over his head and interlaced fingers pushing out. He tugs on his jacket lazily as he stumbles over to where Kenny's passed out on the ground. Kyle crouches down next too him and places a hand on the blondes face. His skin is flush with the bite of the cold, and he feels 'warm' but he isn't.

"Hey, dude," Kyle begins with as he shakes Kenny's shoulders gently, it barely rouses the blonde. All he gets is a small groan of dissatisfaction and the slightest shift in facial expression.

Kyle brings his fingers to loosen Kenny's parka hood but stops himself, he needs the heat to be in, not out. Instead he slides his fingers along Kenny's neck, ice cold fingers sure to jolt him awake. It does garner a reaction, not much.

Kyle talks again, "Wake up man, you're gonna freeze to death."

Kenny blinks open his eyes and glares at Kyle, "I've died worse- heard of worse ways," He quickly corrects himself.

"I know," Kyle said softly, so lightly, making sure Kenny didn't hear. It was his secret, and even though Kyle remembers a good deal of the deaths, he acts like he doesn't. He's not sure if he's lying for Kenny's sake or for his own.

"I'm fine freezing to death," Kenny said as he closed his eyes and rolled onto his side, facing away, "Go back to your boyfriend."

Kyle's face flares up at the accusation, "He's not my boyfriend," He takes Kenny's arm and rolls him back over, "I don't even like him."

Kenny rolled his eyes, "Sure you don't, you just happen to always be with him, always listen to him, always give him attention, always be on your fucking mind- of course he's your boyfriend!" The restraint he enforces to not shout makes him shake, he should've gotten this out in the open a long time ago. But no, he had too wait until the four of them were trapped in the mines before it could come out, "Leave me to die, that's what you guys always do."

"I don't," Kyle said.

Kenny scoffed, "Sure."

"Remember when you were dying of cancer, or whatever, your body was giving out on you?" Kyle asked.

Kenny nodded, "Everyone remembers that."

"Or what about all those other times? Electrocuted, trampled, burned, drowned, mutilated- I remember some of those," Kyle said, "I just, didn't want to freak you out by bringing it up."

"Big whoop," Kenny spat venomously, "You remember most of my terrible fates, so does Cartman. I don't see how that relates to you not being Stan's shitty boyfriend," He hopes that the jealously of his misguided anger is heavily covered.

"Stan doesn't remember half as many, Craig doesn't remember any, and Tweek doesn't remember any. Just me, and Cartman," Kyle said, going off on a loosely built tangent. He was grasping for straws, but he needed an exit into the more important topic of debate, "Because we care about you more than anyone else in all of South Park."

Kenny gestured vaguely for Kyle to go on, a challenge of sorts, maybe it was a plea.

"He cares about you because you indulge in his terrible ideas and hang out with him outside of the group. You're his best friend, we all are, but you more than the rest of us," Kyle explained, gesturing to Cartman as he spoke, "And I remember because," He pauses, words catching in his throat, "I, I remember."

"Spit it out," Kenny snarled, glaring just a bit. It was a facade really, he'd never speak maliciously to Kyle and mean it.

"And I remember all of you deaths because I fucking, I am in love, with you," Kyle managed to choke out, barely at that. He feels like the knots in his chest are tightening, but the burdens on his shoulders have finally been lifted. It's a rather conflicting feeling, to have the brunt of it all out in the open despite knowing it won't be reciprocated.

Kenny is pleased with the fact he can say the reason his face is red is because of the cold. He feels his heart rate pick up, he's pretty sure it's pulsing with irregularities- ha, that's kind of funny, Kyle made his heart skip a beat. Literally at that, the metaphor always came in handy for his journals. He bangs his fist on his chest, right where his heart is, rattling up his rib cage. He glances up to Kyle, "Really man?"

Kyle can't help the exasperation saturated so thickly on his voice it's dripping as he snaps back a sharp, "Yes, really! Of course I do!"

He also can't help the squeak that's pushed out of him when arms wind around his torso and squeeze. Kenny's head is resting on his shoulder, nestled up against the crook of his neck. Kyle doesn't know what he's supposed to do, especially with the way Kenny is shaking, tears hitting his jacket and his skin. It takes a bit too long for him to realize that this is a way of saying 'I love you too' but the second he does he's yanking Kenny into himself just as tight. He knocks the side of his head against Kenny's gently as he hauls the blonde almost onto his lap.

"Fuck man," There's a small sniffle as Kenny tries to lift his head, he can't get more than a couple inches of distance between him and Kyle and it feels nice. He dares to say it feels right, resting half on Kyle's thighs with arms wrapped around him so tightly he almost fears dislocating a rib. He takes a shaky inhale, "I just, did you have to wait until now to say it?"

Kyle knocked his forehead against Kenny's, very brief moment of contact greets them, when he pulls back he's almost shocked that Kenny's hands are at his waist. Almost. He rests his head on Kenny's shoulder, "I thought you were into the chicks."

"I take whatever comes my way," Kenny said, he spoke as though it were humorous, "Of course, I am prone to getting attached and waiting for something better to come around."

Kyle listens, giving a small hum to continue.

"But I got really lucky tonight, aside from the fact we're trapped in a cave system. Not only am I sitting on the lap of someone absolutely magnificent, smart, adorable, and dare I say it, hot. That someone also happens to be the long time target of my affection," Kenny rambled. The words flowed like wine, and he's entirely trying to flirt despite the situation. He brings a hand up to run through Kyle's mess of curls, "Of course, lower class courtship methods usually aren't seen as such by the middle class."

Kyle gives a soft sigh, "Cut me some slack, I just finished coming to terms with this shit," He lifts his head up to find that charming gap tooth grin, definitely one of his favorite things about Kenny. He's had a hard time choosing favorite things about Kenny lately, he adds it to the list.

"Gladly," Kenny answered with, briefly pressing a kiss to Kyle's cheek. He glanced over the redhead's shoulder, "Let's sleep over there."

"Beside Stan?" Kyle asked, he got a nod in response.

"I don't want him getting hypothermia," Kenny said, "Not a fun way to die."

Kyle gives a hum before standing up, awkwardly hoisting Kenny along with him. He knows that the shorter is grinning for the brief walk over to where Stan lays. Kyle sheds his jacket to lay down and Kenny joins him, pressing his back flush against Kyle's torso.

Kenny tilts his head back a bit, "Love you," He's saying it until the novelty wears off at this rate.

Kyle hums in response, "Go to sleep."

"Okay," Kenny said, voice a bit more hushed as he closed his eyes and tried to relax.

It's a lot easier to fall asleep when someone else is there with you. The rhythmic clamber of his heartbeat is welcome to echo in Kenny's ears as he drifts off to sleep comfortably. Even with the cold nipping at his feet he finds it rather soothing to just fall asleep. He's out cold before Stan actually rouses from his slumber, flipping over a bit.

"Go back to sleep," Kyle croaked out softly.

Stan pushed himself onto his elbows and glanced over to find Kenny curled up against Kyle, "You told him?"

Kyle nodded.

"He said yes?" Stan asked.

Kyle nodded, "Here's hoping we make it out of here alive to go on a date."

"In the afterlife I'll third wheel for you, even if we make it out I'll be sitting there being a nuisance," Stan said as he dropped back down. His pressed his back against Kyle before throwing his jacket atop the both of them.

"Thanks," Kyle said quietly, "You're fucking awesome man."

Stan yawns a bit, "No problem bro, that's what friends are for."

[jazzy-art-time]

"all you have”

Her tail twitched in annoyance, flicking back and forth rapidly, not matching her vacant expression in the slightest. “I’m sorry. What did you just say?” Jody’s voice was cold as ice, just begging for the Priest to repeat the vile he had just spewed. The Liepard’s crooked smile twitches at the edges, managing to make that devilish grin of his flash even more of his teeth. He turns around gracefully without returning her eye contact, gently pawing at his collar with the claw on his thumb. “I called you stupid my doll. Did perhaps the cotton around your hood clog those ears of yours?” Jody’s fist clenches inside her pocket, already ready to snap out and use fire punch right against this guys jaw. Her fingers begin to simmer and get hot just anticipating for him to turn around and face her one more time. It wasn’t so much the insult that got to her, but the nickname he had for her drove her practically insane. Hearing his voice spit out that nickname felt like nails dragging down her spine. She was already planning on killing this guy anyways, but that was originally business, but now it was a bit more personal. But his voice rang out inside her violent thoughts, taking her back a bit “Hitting me wont solve your problem Doll. Killing me wont either, but I bet you’ve already set your mind on that, just like other things”

The Liepard gently strolled over to the cliff’s edge, gracefully sitting down on the edge of the fence to turn and face her. The irritation wasn’t so much showing on her face, god her face was so stagnant wasn’t it? It deserved some sort of award, keeping a face that apathetic surely was a great feat. But unlike her face, her body language said otherwise. He chuckled a bit outloud at the sight of her tail tip flicking away. Her clenched fist grabbing the inside fabric of her jacket could even be seen. Oh she was furious alright, that wasn’t his intentions, but surely was a bonus on his end. He calmly places his hands up under his chin, much like a excited schoolgirl would, kicking his legs back and forth rapidly in a mocking manner. “Oh golly Miss Jolene. Do you REALLY think that once this is all over things will be normal? Oh gosh darn I think she does! Oh look girls she thinks it will get better oh darn what a shame!” the felines voice hissing out in a high pitched mocking tone towards the scrafty in front of him. Jody’s brow furrows and lip curls in slight disgust, she didn’t need to see that. Hearing his voice normally was horrible enough. But despite this, curiosity panged at her as to what he meant.

The lizard steps forward in a more calm manner, her previous anger slightly dimmed out by curiosity and mere confusion. Her brow raises slowly and imitates the liepard’s mocking tone. “Oh is that so? Well what makes you think otherwise?”

The liepard’s grin expands even further somehow, excitement at the fact that she was willing to listen. “Oh isn’t it obvious? You people and your revenge are all alike Jolene. You all think that once the deed is done, you’ll feel better! That is only a few cases although. It certainly isn’t in your case Doll.” The liepard’s tail swishes over his body, causing him to disappear, only to reappear right behind her like a cheshire cat. His paws grasp her shoulders and digs their claws in slightly to get a better grip, leaning in gently and whispering into her ear slowly. “You’ve dedicated your entire life to this haven’t you? It’s your only purpose, your only drive. It’s all you have” he disappears again as Jody attempts to swat him away from her, only to reappear back on the fence, lying on his back in a playful manner.

“You’ve been doing this- dare I say FIGHTING for this your entire life. From birth to now you have been striving, charging and plotting this. But have you had time to think of what else you would possibly do? Any other aspirations aside from this only? Sure small hobbies can satisfy short term, but we are thinking bigger here!” He stands on the fence proudly, throwing his arms in the air in a dramatic fashion. “We are talking about LIFE Jolene! LIFE! Not everyone needs a purpose to live of course, but you do. You don’t know anything else!” Jody squints in anger and stomps over to the fence, looking up at him in irritation. He didn’t know her, he didn’t know anything. Her voice became more curt and poison filled. “That’s not true at all. I can do other things. I already have plans for when I am finished I’ll have yo-” Her words were cut off by the felines tail smacking into her face abruptly, his tongue sticking out slightly with a irritated curled lip. “Yeah yeah. Once you are finished you are gonna ‘go out in a field! Have a drink and a biscuit and enjoy life!’ yes yes truly inspiring. But is that all you plan to do? Will that fill the void that this revenge has taken on you? Can you do that every day for the rest of your life? Face the music Doll, without this curse you are practically nothing. Not that it’s a bad thing to say, some people need that drive. It’s natural to aspire, to DREAM! But you don’t dream at all do you? Never have in fact..” Jody attempts to bite down on the tail slapped against her mouth, but he simply disappears once more within a blink of an eye. The scrafty whips her head around in fury, grinding her teeth and tail swishing back and forth.  “So okay, lets say in this... delusion of yours, you are perfectly fine! No more curse, no more having to fight or plot after doing it your entire life. That empty feeling inside magically doesn’t exist for you! You are happily living your life!” Jody turns around rapidly to find the source of his voice. A leaf falls on her nose, she bats it away and snaps her head upwards to find him.  Lazily perched on the tree branch, the liepard continues to speak. His eyes wistfully gazing at the clouds suddenly snap to make contact with hers. “Does that really excuse or change all that you have done? You truly are a cruel person aren’t you?”

Jody’s body stiffens at the words and attempts to avoid eye contact with him. Her voice spitting out of her gritted teeth. “I’m not... that bad.. What i’ve done is only beca-” she is once again interrupted, the liepard’s exploding laughter echoes throughout the cliff side. Jody’s eye flicker towards the upwards branches, no longer seeing any sight of the man. Her body hunches over slightly, almost in shame. She wasn’t that bad. She wasn’t... Suddenly she feels her body jerk towards the fence by the cliff, the liepard appearing at her side, dragging her to the edge. He grabs the back of her head and forces her to lean forward. “Let’s create a scenario shall we?” He forces her to face the town not far below. From the cliff side one could easily see down into the towns plaza below. Jody’s eyes focused on her party; Diane, Ulbrecht, Nana, Solo, Oxide and Rexmile are all placed under the plaza’s gazebo. Solo and Rexmile began to chase one another around the table, playing some sort of tag, or Rexmile had a weird bug that he was trying to place on his brother. Diane is happily eating and laughing at the scene with the brothers, Oxide smiling and laughing along with her. Ulbrecht and Nana appear to be attempting to have a conversation among the boys hectic activities, Ulbrecht even attempts to trip Solo at some point but fails. Jody smiles a bit internally at the sight but is cut short when the Liepard continues to speak. “Let’s see. You seem to be having a... active social life as of late correct?” his grin is crooked with raised brows “Not that I am judging... In fact I applaud you for not sticking to the ‘The Cursed must be a Virgin Pure’ bullshit. That gets so annoying after each incarnation. But anyways. Let’s say... That you were to get knocked up by one of those boys that fawn over you.”  Jody attempts to jerk away from his grip and growls in a low tone. “I can’t get pregnant from either of them. Solo is shiny so it’s rare and Ulbrecht is fixed-” once again the tail is slapped over her mouth, this time wrapping around her head tightly. “yeah yeah whatever Doll. This is a scenario, which could happen. Shiny pokemon, although rare, can still get others pregnant. Vasectomies can also reverse over time by accident in some cases. But allow me to finish” His ears flick back and forth in a metronome type fashion, claws slowly digging into the back of Jody’s head. “Lets say that you WERE to bear one of those.... fellows... abomination of a child, while on your quest. You raise this child, its yours. You come to love it and the child adores you. You are it’s mother and it’s all it has. But then one day... your little Book.... suddenly demands your next mission.... is the spirit of your dead child.” Jody’s pupils shrink and her blood chills and almost turns to ice, her attempts to get out of his grip suddenly come to a stop. “What would you do Jolene? Would you kill the kid? Your own flesh and blood, the child who trusts you. ADORES YOU. A kid you have come to LOVE. Would you kill it just for the sake of fueling your revenge further, to get closer to your goal? What would you do?”

The liepards grip on Jody loosens. Hand dropping from the back of her head and tail slowly unwinding from her body. He steps back slowly and gazes at her in silence, awaiting her answer. The scrafty’s body remains stiff, her position slowly relaxes from leaning over the fences edge, but her bones feel almost locked into place. Her gaze fixed down below, no longer looking at anything or anyone anymore, her pupils dart back and forth almost as if they were lost. Her apathetic expression slowly twitching into a hollow face, void of feeling. Claws gripping into the wood fence slowly, her voice barely escapes her own mouth. “That isn’t a fair scenario-” The Liepards voice cuts through her shaky answer instantly. “Answer my question Jolene.” Slowly slinking behind her, he slides his hands up her back and onto her shoulders, leaning in and whispering into her ear again. “Would you kill your own child just to get further towards the end of your quest?” Jody’s body remains motionless as his voice continues to hiss quietly. “Would you slit your own kids throat? Would you let them know beforehand? Would you drown them? Smother them with a pillow? Would you poison your own child? Would you-” Suddenly snapping, her body jerks and successfully gets out of his gentle grip and turns around, slamming her snout against his. “STOP. SAYING. THAT. KIND. OF. STUFF. RYAN.” Ryan’s smile returns and busts out laughing once more, her losing her temper was always a sight to see. Perhaps she would try to kill him right then and there! But her position remained fixed in a defensive stance, face twitching with pure rage. “Oh Jolene, look at you being so explosive and full of energy! As amusing as that is..... you still haven’t answered my question.” A flash of fear flickers through Jody’s eyes, she stands up straight and turns around to face the cliff side once more.  Ryan appears on the fence next to her, facing down to gaze at the plaza below. “Your silence is more truthful than you have ever been Jolene.” Jody flinches at his words, she wanted to scream. She wanted to hit him down to the ground, punching his face while screaming how wrong he was. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t let those words leave her mouth. The only thing managing to allow her gaze to unlock from the plaza below was Ryan’s voice slicing through her thoughts once more. “What if you had to kill Diane for the sake of your book Jolene. Would you do it.” She whips her head towards him, expression full of horror and disbelief at what he had just said. Her mouth opens slightly to speak, but nothing escapes, not even air.  Ryan’s gaze flickers from the lizard next to him to the mountains beyond the city. His tone less antagonizing now, but colder than ice. “But then again, you’ve already done that to someone you loved. Haven’t you.” Jodys gaze sinks to her own feet, unable to make a single sound. Arms beginning to tremble and back slowly arching over, making her hunch over in shame. “You’ve done it once Jolene. You’ll do it again and again. As much as you need to. That fact, is what makes you a horrible person. The fact that you are willing to kill anyone, anything, JUST to fuel this revenge quest of yours, THAT defines who you are as a person. That is who you are.” Ryan’s words stabbed into Jody, she felt like barbed wire was being pulled under her skin. She wanted him to stop. Stop saying that. “Does a person like that, really DESERVE a happy ending” stop it stop talking “Someone like you is beyond redemption. Doesn’t matter who you meet, how many people you make happy... You’re a horrible person Jolene. Always have been.. Even when you were a child.” stop iT... “Come to think of it, you’ve been like this forever. Even before the book. It simply gave you a excuse.” Jody whips around and grasps the liepards collar, tugging him down and slamming him to the ground. She was going to make him shut up. He was spewing such lies. Shut UP. “I HAVE NOT ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS. THE BOOK DID THIS TO ME. FOR GOD’S SAKE I DON’T EVEN HAVE A SHADOW. I DON’T HAVE BLOOD ANYMORE, MY PULSE IS FAKE. MY EYES ARE LIFELESS AND I FEEL NOTHING. DON’T YOU DARE STAND THERE AND TELL ME THAT I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS. THE BOOK DID THIS TO ME. THAT FUCKING WITCH DID THIS TO ME. I COULD HAVE BEEN NORMAL AND NICE. BUT I HAVE TO DO WHAT I DO. I DO WHAT I NEED TO” her voice cracks and echoes throughout the cliff side, her voice weak and breathing heavy made her chest in pain. Her gritted teeth began to grind in her mouth as she stared down at the man. Please just stay quiet... please. Ryan snaps up suddenly, causing her to trip backwards and fall onto her back. The liepard crawls over the top of her, pinning her body town with his tail, his voice sharp as a knife. “But does that REALLY excuse all that you’ve done. Is that what your doing? Using it as a Get Out Of Jail Free Card huh? You are so idiotic girl! You are so convinced in your own head that you HAVE to do this, that if you don’t it’s wrong! YOU COULD HAVE DONE NOTHING. You could have done nothing and let the curse simply take you and then die! HELL! You could have even just been peaceful! Simply completing the books pages in a pacifist manner and not killing at all! You could have done this peacefully IT IS in fact possible! It’s been done before! BUT NO. YOU CHOSE THIS." Jody couldn’t fight back, she couldn’t move as her body stiffened once more. Helpless under the priest above her. “YOU chose to follow the book 100%! There are ways around it you know! You could have done the bare minimum and although it wouldn’t progress the quest for that witch further, you could have survived! You could have avoided hurting others! You could have avoided killing! HELL DID YOU EVEN READ THAT EXCERPT ON A “MOTHER’S SORROWFUL SPIRIT” OR DID YOU JUST GUILT TRIP HER INTO CHUGGING THE POISON WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT! OH WAIT WE ALL KNOW THE ANSWER DON’T WE JOLENE.” His voice was loud and ear shattering, there was no rage behind his words oddly enough. His crooked smile only grew as he shouted at the woman pinned below him. He knew she wasn’t going to fight back. Pathetic really. “I admire you Jolene, I really do. The past Book Holders were all such babies... They either gave in and killed themselves to avoid their fate, just to let the next family member deal with it. They were failures who died their first try, or simply just pacifists who did the bare minimum and still lived their lives peacefully an with family. No rage or ill will driving them forward. But you Jolene, you are different. You were BORN for this curse, you are the perfect one for it. Apathetic and strong. You are willing to do whatever it takes to fulfill it. Your rage drives you but doesn’t mess with you mentally! You don’t let it get to you, you simply accept it! Your heart is so hollow, its soft for that... “family”... of yours but in the end you would cash them all in instantly just to take another step forward! That’s what is so beautiful about you Jolene! You go forward, no steps back allowed! If there has been anyone close enough to actually completing this fucking quest its always been YOU! Your apathy, your drive for the revenge is what makes you who you are! ITS WHO YOU ARE JOLENE!”  The liepard releases her wrists from his grip and sits up, arms raised towards the sky, laughing in triumph. “The entire world is NOTHING to you! Nothing matters but what you WANT! You want-no dare I say NEED that revenge! You are a hollow shell of a person but god you wear it with such STYLE Jolene! That’s why I've always been tracking you, keeping interest and adding in some spice! You always manage to surprise me with how far you go! You never let it GET to you! Yeah sometimes you drink and get a bit sappy but HEY who doesn’t! Even so it’s not so much about this petty curse!” Jody stares at him in shock as he shouts at the sky, he was fucking insane.

“Jolene to you there are NO limits! Hell! Most of the time I find myself ROOTING for you! I want to see how far you will go, how high you will reach, how much you will slaughter and hurt! You have such craftsmanship and you don’t even realize! So many can only DREAM of being as cold as yourself Jolene, but that’s just who you are!” Ryan stands up with his arms still raised to the sky in praise as he snaps his head down to stare at her with that damned grin. “God HIMSELF would quake in your presence Jolene! For he hath not no idea what he himself has created!” His laughter fills the air as he covers his face with a smile, stepping off of her body and leaning against a tree with glee. Jody sits up slowly, what point was he trying to make again... How did this conversation end up like this... How did she let this... batshit crazy feline make her feel this way. Ryan’s gleeful laughter continues for a minute more before his smile slowly fades and he lets out a heavy sigh. “But Jolene... even the greatest have their faults... Yours just happens to be your delusion about all this. Oh Jolene you could be so much greater than this, but you have your plan and will stick to it. I can admire that. But if you honestly think... that things will get better... that things will be fine... You truly are a idiot.” placing his hands in his pockets he slowly turns back towards her with a cold expression. Tail swishing back and forth as he slowly begins to walk towards her. She struggles to stand back up and gets in a defensive position, unknowing of what he’s going to do next. “You are either going to die trying to complete this quest or complete it and then kill yourself afterwards. The void that will be left in your hollow chest will be too great. This curse is all you’ve had Jolene, its the one thing that has never left and never truly will leave you. Even if you defeat the great witch, the weight of what you have done will weigh on you just as the curse once did. Once you die, you aren’t going anywhere, Not heaven, not hell not even a ghost. You will be lost in the stars just like everyone before you. You will be forgotten. But that’s how it is Jolene. You don’t DESERVE a happy ending, curse or not.” The feline approaches her and lifts her chin up with a single finger, forcing her to make eye contact with him. “This curse... that book... Is all you have Jolene. It’s all you’ll ever have. It’s WHO you are Jolene. Once a diary is completed, no more pages can be properly added without over stuffing it. You live by the book, you’ll die by the book. You are nothing without it. Once you have completed it, you will complete. Then you can die, its the closest thing you will ever receive to rest.” Jody jerks her head away, staring at the dirt below her with a apathetic expression. Her body felt numb and lifeless, she hadn’t felt this way in years. Her silence causes Ryan to snort and flash a grin. “The sooner you accept that, the better Doll. It’s who you are, all you’ll ever be. It’s all you have anymore.” The liepard chuckles once more before walking away, grabbing his own tail and twirling it as he strolls down the pathway away from her. His peaceful whistling slowly fading away as he strolls off. The breeze gently blowing through the fur on her coat, the only sound heard being the rustling of the leaves. Jody stares at her feet, no thoughts going through her head for once. She had no response, no denial, no coming up with a different plan to prove him wrong. Nothing. absolutely nothing. No rage filled defiance... No sarcastic response to what he had said.... pure nothingness. She slowly falls to her knees as her chest slowly began to feel heavy. Her body begins to shake slowly and her breathing quickens, making the heavy feeling in her chest only worsen. A dull pain began to form in her head, her hands shakily began to reach towards her face, vision beginning to blur. The cliff side remained silent, only the sound of the breeze and the leaves rustling could be heard. Slowly hunching over and touching her head to the ground, curled up in shame and body shaking uncontrollably. Her breathing quickened and the heaviness in her chest grew into a severe pain as her wheezing breaths caused her abdomen to jerk with each quick breath and for the first time since she was a child she let the tears out silently. She was alone

as it should be.

[teenandbeyond]

Yautja x Fem.Reader

Edit: I see someone wants a part two, if ya'll get this to 200 notes by next Saturday, I'll totally do it. I'll give ya a little extra if you make it to any number higher than that, even by one. *genuinely intrigued about how this'll go* Edit 2: Here it is babes, Part 2, Part 3

I hear people are looking for this so, here. Also, this is my shitty attempt at a dark fic, because I wanna try one--even though it's faaaar from my regular style, I'm far from a darkfic writer, but I like challenges-- and it seems many people have been craving a dark fic of Yautja more than not, so I'll hopefully help y'all out (I wrote this when I was sleepy so idk how it was). *puts all smutty writing experience into this*

Want more from me? Ask or check out my Masterlist!

☆*: .｡. .｡.:*☆☆*: .｡. .｡.:*☆

Breed (Predator)

Warning(s): Probably the smuttiest smut I've ever smutted, noncon details, breeding, rough, unprotected, a creamy little pie, size difference, triggers (so do not read if they apply to you), this turned long asf.

You survive with a Predator who killed all of your friends...but it seems the Yautja have taken an interest in you and don't plan to let you leave...

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

You groan out, tossing your head to the side.

What makes you realize you aren't in your bed is a few things.

There's an echo.

It feels like you're laying on a hard table.

Your wrists are bound to your chest.

Your ankles are weighed down by something heavy, which after moving around your toes you realize are cuffs connected by a chain, where most of the weight came from.

And most importantly, you can't see, you noticed as your lashes fluttered against a cloth.

"Where am I?"

"Above earth," an amused, disembodied voice responds.

A familiar voice, one of your friends.

"Ester...? I thought you died..."

"What you didn't see didn't happen."

"Hey, can you take this stuff off me?" you grunted as moved to shift your arms to no avail.

"Why would I do that? I put you there."

Your brows furrowed, "What?"

"You see. That whole thing was a setup, I was working with them this whole time."

"But why? They killed your friends! Our friends!"

She chuckled, "Oh, that's what you believed. I was just doing my job to survive. To find them the perfect specimen."

You grunted as you struggled and failed to loosen your restraints.

"You see, they've been for years, creating more advanced creatures to hunt. They've already tried to with another species, Xenomorphs--the ones that spit acid. But they wondered if they could try such a thing with humans..."

Your blood ran cold, "Please don't tell me..."

"They realized they could, they hunted for the perfect human, one who possessed certain genes that had a high percentage of handling a Yautja seed. And when one wanted to kill me after hunting all my allies a few years ago, I offered to do anything. Now I've found you."

"So-ugh--then what? They're just gonna let you go?"

"Well, my part of the deal is finished. There's no other use for me."

"Exactly, idiot," you muttered.

Suddenly you heard a loud thumping sound.

"Ah, here they come."

You moan in despair as you try to move, the cold metal biting against your ankles, "This is hopeless."

"Here's the human you left with, she's perfect, she's worthy of you due to her survival."

Yes, you remember.

Suddenly you found yourself helpless, the two...Xenomorphs you supposed, had terrorized your college class during your international trip to the Daintree Rainforest.

The other creature--the...Yautja had killed a few security guards and three of your friends. As you grew to understand this Predator, you realized it only killed something that seemed to be a challenge, everyone that was killed by it had a weapon at some point.

But you, you're a tough one. You survived, and the Yautja gave you weapons to aid it, you managed to kill a Xenomorph on your own.

You had enough education about tribal tradition to know when it smeared some of its excruciatingly burning blood on you, it found you worthy in a sense.

Or he, since as far as you know most creatures bred with the opposite sex.

"I can leave now, right? If you want I can tell you where I can be dropped off," Ester happily spoke up.

You heard a familiar sound slice through the air, his weapon.

"W-wait...what are you doing? I did what you--what you asked...No! No! No-!"

You heard a body thump and a strong smell of blood fill the air, you knew the smell with little effort after the last two days.

There was some shuffling, you guessed she was being dragged away to be dumped by another one of them.

Then the thumping footsteps started up again, getting closer. Until he stood next to your... examination table.

You tried to shift away, not being able to do much but hold yourself up and not fall halfway off the edge. Only for your arms to get tugged and move you back to the more comfortable position.

"Please...I can't--I can't provide you with anything."

You jumped as you felt a nail trail down your jaw before a scaly hand--that was still surprisingly smoother than you expected--gripped your chin, twisting your head left and right.

You couldn't help the shiver that ran down your spine.

A thumb brushed against the acid mark he gave you on your cheek.

The only sound you heard was a sharp grunt, in disapproval or satisfaction, you didn't know.

His thumb dragged across your lips before his hand went lower...

You stiffened when the wandering hand paused, before yelping at the sound of a blade moving through the air.

He slowly sliced through your long-sleeved shirt and bra, your breath hitched as you felt the cold metal graze your skin. If there was any more pressure, he would've sliced you open.

You let out a breathless sigh as the restricting bra released you. You hated bras sometimes.

You could feel him move and tried to shift away, only for him to catch you by your neck and slide you back into the position you were in.

With a quivering lip, you felt curious hands explore your breasts.

"Please, just let me go..."

You bit your lip at an experimental squeeze.

You couldn't seriously be reacting to this? Could you?

But when you felt something brush against your sensitive bud...

Your breathing skipped.

Another pause, before it was tested again.

Your hands tightened into fists.

Then without warning, he relentlessly rolled the hardened bud between his fingers.

With a whine, you tried to move away, only for his grip on your neck to tighten.

You tried to keep as much self-control as you could, but that changed a few minutes later when his hand moved, your stomach jumping as it came and went and stiffening as the hand stopped at the band of your pants.

"Please...don't..." you desperately pleaded.

There are a few seconds of dragging his thumb back and forth against your hip, as if deciding, but ultimately tearing it all off in one motion.

You squealed at suddenly being exposed, trying to clench your thighs together.

He denied you of this, effortlessly opening your thighs to expose for him to fully see.

You decided to be defiant as you felt him shift onto the table.

"This is--isn't going to work. Humans and Aliens aren't going to be able to--do this," you tried to move your legs, the heavy chain helping you none, "I'm not even remotely aroused--"

He interrupted you as you felt him lean closer to your wetness, feeling his breath hit the sensitive area.

The clicking sound he made almost sounded amused, before making you gasp as he rubbed a curious finger against you.

"Mm--stop--you--you can't--!"

Shuddering as a finger slid into you, you attempted to wriggle out of his hold. Only for his grip to tighten a little more, at this point, he was definitely warning you.

You felt embarrassed by the light squelching sound you heard. At least you didn't have to see.

Then two more were added.

"I can't--that's too much!" you cried out.

But when his wrist brushed against your cilt, your body completely surrendered.

He realized how greatly that affected you and decided to continue learning.

With a shaky breath, you desperately tried to hold back. Tried to deny your body's pleasure with your mind.

You clenched your thighs together at an attempt to stop his hand, but all it seemed to do was piss him off and force your legs apart, his originally slow and curious pace becoming rougher.

You bit your lip hard, keeping in any sounds.

But in the end, your body betrayed you, and with a long whine and bucking hips, you released.

He pulled his hand away and for a moment you thought he was done for now.

Until you felt something rubbing against you, something you could tell already wouldn't fit.

"That's not gonna--!"

You whimpered as he effortlessly slid in with a gravelly groan, the stretch stung.

"It's not gunna--It's not gunna...Take it out...."

Your head thumped back onto the table.

Without a break in movement, he kept moving, the chain connecting your ankles lightly clinking.

You let out a little sob as you bit your lip, you didn't know if it was from the violation or the pleasure, possibly both.

Every time he thrust forward, you could feel the stretch.

"It's gunna...gunna..."

He slid his hand up your throat just enough to push down the lip your teeth dug into with an index finger.

He wanted to hear you.

But with defiance, you swallowed every sound you made.

Until the speed changed, the cold metal rubbing against your back from the table, a stark contrast to the heat you felt.

Finally, he started getting little sounds out of you, whimpers, pleads.

Abruptly, he pulled away, leaving you empty, before easily moving the weighted chain that felt like a ton to you and flipping you over on your knees.

You winced as your face smacked into the table. Your arms still bound in front of you.

You groaned into the metal as he completely filled you again.

As he moved, you felt more force behind each thrust.

"I can't--It's too--too much-ah!"

He slammed harder, which made you try to cushion your face.

Your heard a few sharp grunts, yet not of effort, which didn't surprise you. You were probably a warm-up.

Your body gently quivered from the force.

And the chains loudly clinked in time with him.

"I--Mm--hah--Lemme..."

Combing his fingers into your hair, he tugged you back, landing seated in his lap.

He sat motionless for a few seconds, a throaty groan was let out.

You made one last attempt to wriggle away.

And you think that made him completely snap from annoyance.

And you knew this because when he moved again, it was like he'd decided to completely destroy you.

With roughness you never experienced before, a deepness you never felt, a speed you didn't know was possible, he pounded into you at least a few times before your skin even slapped against his again.

And it seemed he was satisfied, every sound you hid before was milked out until you couldn't even process where you were anymore.

All you could feel was him, the pleasure, that stretch, all you could hear was the squelching of your wetness.

Your mouth couldn't even close anymore, completely drunk off him.

Your thighs shook terribly, barely able to handle him.

And you wouldn't even be surprised if he still went easy on you.

You were close.

When he tightened his grip, cutting off your breathing that was it.

Your hips bucked wildly as you released for the second time, a long moan ripping out of you.

Clenching around him so deliciously made him follow after. Filling you to the brim, and dripping down his length.

You sighed, as you began to settle only to whimper when you realized...

He wasn't done yet.

[2dmenenthusiast]

“I’m not even sure if that’s a real species.”

(Ryan Lucan x GN!Reader)

this didn't turn out as great as I wanted it to cuz I'm absolute shit at writing fluff but I already have another Ryan fic in the works to make up for it (that break shit was apparently a lie) I hope ya'll enjoy anyway.

Reblogs are always appreciated!

Summary: Between shitty drawings of birds and struggling with your feelings for your best friend, Ryan is determined to make your birthday one to remember

Word count: 3.3k

Warnings/other info: major spoilers for LIS: True Colors, swearing, shitty pacing, my mediocre attempt at writing fluff

“Are you done yet?”

Your feet skidded against the floor, the rubber soles of your shoes creating a loud squeak as you stopped the chair from rolling forward. Spinning to face Ryan, you give him a wide grin.

“Nope.”

He shakes his head and leans forward in his seat, looking over his work as he lets you continue your antics.

It was a beautiful day in Haven Springs, the sun shining in the bright blue sky, a comfortable breeze shaking the leaves. Most people in town were probably going hiking along the trails. You? Well, you couldn’t think of a more perfect time to bother your dear friend, Ryan, at his place of work. He wasn’t surprised to see you walk into the ranger station with two cups of coffee and a box of takeout from the bar, used to your random visits. But he told you with a guilty expression and those familiar puppy dog eyes that he had too much work to take a break with you. You had waved him off, letting him know that it was okay and you could just hang around to keep him company. Though, he didn’t think agreeing would mean you acting like an absolute menace around him.

Rolling over to the other desk, you began looking through the drawers for something to fidget with when you found a walkie, smiling to yourself as you clicked it on and held down the button.

“... Lookin’ good over there, mountain man.”

Ryan let out a soft curse and flinched when he heard his own walkie go off next to him, grabbing it before turning towards you with a narrowed gaze. “Really?”

“Ah ah! You have to talk into the walkie. Over”

“I’m not speaking into the-”

“I’m sorry, I think I’m getting a little static, can you repeat that? Over.”

Letting out a sigh, he couldn’t help but smile as he brought the walkie closer to his face. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I’m what? Over.”

“You’re ridiculous! Over.”

A wide smile broke out on your face as Ryan let out a soft chuckle, and you placed the walkie back inside the desk drawer before rolling over to him and lightly nudging him with your chair.

“What’s got you all stressed out? You’re usually more easy going than this,” you asked, taking a glance at what was on his desk.

He shrugged. “Just- you know, new regulations and things to go over. It’s no big deal. Just not the most fun part of my job, I guess.”

You nodded, spotting a yellow notepad and sliding it towards yourself before grabbing a pen. He watched as you drew a quick doodle of a bird, and you propped it against the lamp on the corner of the desk.

“There, now you have a feathered friend to keep you company while you're inside.”

Ryan tilted his head, examining the drawing. “I’m not even sure if that’s a real species.”

You scoffed, smacking his shoulder as he laughed. “Oh, whatever. Next time draw your own damn bird.” Standing up, you fished your phone out of your pocket to check the time. “Oh shit, I’m gonna be late. I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Yeah, and don’t forget to meet me at the Lantern tonight.”

Nodding, you gave Ryan a quick hug before racing out the door and driving to work. Ever since Riley left, you quickly took over her position at the flower shop so Eleanor wouldn’t be managing the store alone. You could tell she needed the help, no matter how often she told you she was fine. Luckily, she was getting more used to accepting your help as time went on.

You stepped into the flower shop with minutes to spare, letting out a breath as you walked into the back office. Grabbing your apron, you tied it around yourself before clocking in, and as you stepped out of the room, Eleanor came out of the greenhouse with a bundle of flowers in her hand.

“Oh! Dear, what are you doing here?”

“Uh, working my shift?”

“Oh. I was sure I had you scheduled off for today,” Eleanor said, walking into the office to check your schedule.

You looked at her with your eyebrows drawn up in confusion. “But, I usually work today, don’t I?”

“Well, yes, but I assumed you didn’t want to spend your birthday working.”

Your eyes slightly widened before your expression fell and you let out a sigh. “Shit. I’m sorry, Eleanor. I’ve been so busy, I guess I just forgot.”

“Oh, I understand, dear. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t forget important things, too. Do you wanna go home?”

You shook your head. “No. No, it’s fine. I’m already here, so, might as well get some work done.”

Eleanor nodded, handing you the bundle of flowers before walking back into the greenhouse. A quiet sigh left you as you walked behind the counter and wrapped up the bundle of lilies, taking them over to the case of flowers. It didn’t surprise you that you forgot. In the past, your birthday had never been something you made a big deal about, so why should you now? The most you ever did was watch movies and have a few drinks with Ryan, Steph, and Alex, and there was nothing you enjoyed more than hanging out with them.

Steph and Ryan had been your best friends ever since you could remember, along with Gabe. When Alex came to Haven, she fit right in with all of you. And when Gabe died… well, safe to say it was hard on all of you. Like a piece had been ripped out and replaced with a giant hole. You made sure to be there for each other, especially when all the drama went down with Typhon and Jed. And when Ryan found out about his father, you could only imagine how he felt.

You remember countless nights staying up with him as he yelled and cried and questioned how his father could do such a terrible thing. There was nothing more you wanted to do than take his pain away, but all you could do was be there for him, and let him know that the people around him loved him.

You felt your face heat up when you recalled the nights he fell asleep on your shoulder after staying up late and filling up on takeout, and you shook your head as you walked back behind the counter. You knew your feelings for Ryan went way above platonic. The way he smiled, his laugh, that puppy dog look he gave you when he was confused or flustered. Everything about him made your heart flutter. And the way he would light up when he talked about his job or listed off random facts about the birds he saw when you two went on hikes, it all just made you fall for him even more.

Though, there was something nagging at the back of your head. If it was your birthday, why didn’t Ryan say anything to you earlier? You glanced up when you heard the bell above the door ring, and Alex greeted you with a small smile and a wave.

“Hey! How’ve you been, Alex?” you asked as she walked up, placing her hands on the counter. She shrugged her shoulders.

“Just came to pick up some flowers.”

You nodded and gestured over to the cooler, and she took her time as she looked over them, seeming to look for something specific. She finally reached in and pulled out a bouquet of roses, and you raised your eyebrows with a small smirk as she placed them in front of you.

“Ah. Special night with Steph?”

She shifted her gaze for a moment and let out a small laugh, reaching a hand up to rub the back of her neck. “You could say that. Oh, happy birthday, by the way.”

You smiled as you rang her up. “Thank you. Seems like everyone’s remembered except me. Well, and Ryan.”

Alex tilted her head as her brows furrowed. “Did he not say anything?” she asked, able to pick up the disappointment in your voice.

“No. But he was busy and seemed distracted when I saw him, so I don’t blame him.”

“I’m sure he’ll make it up to you.”

You nodded, and she gave you a reassuring look before grabbing the flowers and leaving, the jingling of the bell ringing loudly in the empty room. Fingers gripping the counter, you let out a shaky breath and dropped your head, trying to calm down the rapid beating of your heart. You felt pathetic. The mere mention or thought of Ryan seemed to make your heart race these days. It was a miracle you could even keep your composure around him. After being friends with him for so many years, you guess your conscience just couldn’t take it anymore.

But how could you ever confess to him? No, you couldn’t ruin your friendship like that. Ryan was one of the best things in your life, and you wouldn’t risk it for anything. Even if it meant keeping your feelings hidden.

“Hon, are you okay?”

You jumped when you heard Eleanor’s voice, looking up to meet her concerned gaze. You gave her a tight lipped smile and nodded.

“Yeah. Guess I’m just in my own head today.”

She hesitated before nodding and leaving you alone again, and you huffed as you placed your elbows against the counter. Today was going to be long.

***

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay a little longer? I know there’s more to be done.”

“Oh stop it, you. I can take care of it. Go enjoy the rest of your night,” Eleanor said, practically pushing you out the door.

You sighed and reluctantly walked out of the shop, waving at her through the window before adjusting your bag on your shoulder and walking to your car. You were about to get in when you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket, and you took it out to see that Ryan texted you.

-6:11 Ryan:

Remember. Black Lantern after your shift.

You chuckled to yourself, quickly typing up a response.

-6:12 You:

Yes, Mister Park Ranger, sir

Har har. Just get your butt here.

-6:14 Ryan:

But not the rest of me? Idk if that’s possible, Ry.

-6:14 You:

You’re ridiculous.

-6:15 Ryan:

So you’ve told me. Be there in a few.

-6:16 You:

Pocketing your phone, you locked your car before walking down the main road towards the bar, wondering what Ryan’s urgency was. If it was to try another experimental drink, you were going to kick his ass. Last time that happened, you ended up throwing up your lunch. You arrived at the Black Lantern in just a few minutes, but when you opened the door and all the lights were off, you wondered if Ryan made a mistake.

“What the hell-”

“SURPRISE!”

The lights suddenly flickered on as people jumped up from where they were hiding, and Steph walked over with the biggest grin on her face as she blew into a noisemaker and threw paper confetti into the air.

“Happy birthday, loser.”

You scoffed, still reeling from the surprise before reaching up to pull a few pieces of confetti out of your hair. “You’re helping me get all this out later.”

She just laughed and threw an arm around your shoulders, leading you further into the bar. Everyone that you passed wished you a happy birthday, and you smiled and thanked them all, even accepting the hug Duckie gave you before you could walk past him.

“You guys really didn’t have to do this, you know,” you muttered, stopping at the bar when Steph went to grab a few beers.

“Nonsense! You never let us do anything special for your birthday. At least let us spoil you a bit this year.”

You sighed, shaking your head with a smile before looking down when you felt someone poke your arm. “Ethan! See, I knew the life of the party was here somewhere.”

He gave you a toothy grin before reaching behind him and pulling out one of his comics, nervously holding it out to you. “I uh, I wanted to give you something for your birthday. It’s an early copy of the newest volume I’m working on. I wanted you to get the first look at it.”

Your eyes slightly widened as you looked at the beautifully drawn cover, gently running your fingers over it. You had to admit, Ethan was crazy talented for a kid his age.

“Thank you, Ethan. I’m sure I’ll love it,” you said, and the boy nodded excitedly.

Hearing someone call your name, you looked up and saw Steph waving you over, Alex sitting with her in the booth. Taking a seat across from them, you narrowed your eyes as your gaze shifted between them.

“Alright, whose bright idea was this?”

They gave each other a look, trying to hold back their smiles as you heard someone behind you clear their throat.

“That would be me, actually.”

Turning in your seat, your eyes landed on Ryan standing behind you, a nervous smile on his face and his hands behind his back. Of course.

“Why am I not surprised?”

His grin widened for a split second before suddenly dropping, looking down at his shoes for a moment. “Um, can we talk outside for a sec?”

Nodding, you stood up from your seat to follow him, but you didn’t miss the giggles and quiet hushes coming from the two girls. You only got to glance back at them for a second before Ryan was placing a hand on your back and leading you out of the Lantern. The sun was almost finished setting, barely peeking out from the mountains in the distance as the water reflected beautiful oranges and yellows. No matter how long you lived in Haven Springs, you didn’t think you’d ever get used to how beautiful the sky was.

You and Ryan walked to the end of the dock, looking out at the water and mountains before you stole a glance at him. The way the light shone on his face, accentuating the curves and sharp lines of his features and reflected off his blue eyes- god, how could a man be so fucking pretty?

You quickly looked away before he could catch you staring, swallowing down the lump in your throat before you eventually turned your body towards him.

“Y’know, you didn’t have to-”

You could barely get your sentence out when Ryan was suddenly holding a bouquet of roses towards you, and you looked between his anxious expression and the red flowers for a moment before something in your head clicked.

Oh. Oh.

And then you were laughing. Ryan released the breath he seemed to be holding, his expression morphing into one of confusion before he let out a quiet chuckle of his own. “What’s- What’s so funny?”

Reaching out, your fist lightly punched his chest before you carefully took the flowers out of his hand, your laughter dying down into sporadic giggles.

“Nothing, just- wow. You’ve really outdone yourself, Lucan. Sending Alex to do your dirty work?”

A look of realization flashed across his features before he smiled and reached up to rub the back of his neck, face becoming flushed. “Uh, yeah. I didn’t want you finding out before the surprise, so…”

“Find out what?”

You could tell he was trying to come up with a proper response before he gestured towards the bouquet, and you took your time as you looked down at the beautiful arrangement. Roses. Red Roses. Flowers that made a very specific statement. And Ryan was giving them to… you. Disbelief filled you as you felt your heart suddenly jump up into your throat, and you looked up at Ryan with wide eyes.

“Ryan. I…”

“You don’t have to say anything. Just…” Taking the flowers from you, he carefully set them down and hesitantly reached out to grab your hands, the rough pads of his fingers brushing over your palms before your hands were entirely enveloped in his. “I… I don’t know if I can keep this a secret from you anymore.”

The way he was touching you was sending pulses up your arms, and you felt like you could barely breathe with how fast your heart was beating. “Ryan-”

“Please, just let me get this out. Then you can do whatever, walk away and never talk to me again if you want. I just need you to hear this.” You nodded, and he let out a breath as his grip on your hands tightened. “We’ve been friends ever since I can remember. Doing everything together, telling each other our deepest secrets and our greatest fears. I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone before… And, I can’t exactly pinpoint in all that time where I fell in love with you, but I know it’s been a while since then.”

It was like the ground had just been taken out from under you, Ryan the only thing keeping you from falling as his confession slowly sunk in. He… loves you?

Holy fuck. Ryan loves you??

“I guess I just wanted today to be special for you, to show you how special you are to me. You’ve been with me through everything, seen every side there is to me. And the only person I can imagine having any type of future with… is you.”

The chirping of the crickets quickly filled the gaps of silence, the noise almost getting louder after Ryan stopped talking, and you could barely think about what he said when you had so many thoughts racing in your head. Shit, what were you supposed to say?

“Um, if you want me to leave-”

“No! No, um, I just need a second to process-”

“Oh! Yeah, no, totally. Uh, go ahead,” he said, letting go of your hands.

God, you were both fucking wrecks of human beings. You could mark off Getting a confession of love from your childhood best friend from your Shit I Never Expected to Happen list. Taking a deep breath, you stepped closer to Ryan and took one of his hands in both of yours, giving him a small smile.

“Listen, Ryan. I don’t need flowers or a surprise birthday party to feel special. I… I always feel special when I’m around you.”

“Sooo that means?”

You rolled your eyes, your smile growing. “It means kiss me, you dork.”

He didn’t waste any time as he carefully held your face in his hands before connecting your lips to his, and you smiled into the kiss as you wrapped your arms around him. You could mark kissing Ryan off that list, too. His hands moved from your face to wrap his arms around you, holding you close to his front as your hands came up to weave your fingers through his hair. As you leaned further into him, you heard a soft crinkling of paper, and momentarily broke the kiss so you could reach into the pocket of his flannel. Pulling out a piece of yellow paper, you unfolded it to reveal- Oh, jesus.

“Oh, my fucking god. Are you kidding me, Ry?” you laughed, turning the shitty sketch of the bird you’d drawn earlier towards him.

He just smiled and shrugged his shoulders. “I thought it could be a good luck charm, you know? Maybe while I’m out, I’ll actually find a rare species or something that looks like that. Could make you famous one day.”

You just shook your head as Ryan laughed, the sound causing a warm, fuzzy feeling to bloom in your chest.

“Who’s the ridiculous one now?”

“Oh, I think we tie for that one.”

Ryan cut your laugh off with another kiss, and you practically melted into him as that warm feeling spread throughout your body. It goes without saying, this was the best birthday ever.