#tagging so it'll be easier for y'all to find

[simaddix]

*Pay Attention - Part 2 - Tutorial*

I was about to go back to my business and quietly leave y'all with a word of wisdom but the very next package I opened raised my hackles. So here we go, hold on to your seat.

Disclaimer for younger/sweeter - followers - this has language in it because I'm pissed... I apologize in advance.

49,282 Polycounts. That's 50K for a fucking basket!!!

It's pretty, it's beautiful, and I downloaded it because it's everything you could want out of a basket of lemons... whoever created it did an outstanding job... for a movie production.

NOT PC GAMES.

So let's fix it - and let's hold our creators and converters to a higher standard or send them along to a different platform where they can create without our bitching.

First off, there's 3 or 4 ways you can check polycounts.

1 - TSRW under Mesh tab

2 - S3PE (Pretty sure you have to have an addon to do this - I'll try to find it when I'm done and add the link) Under MLOD, right click and go down to Preview. It'll open up a window and you can view the model and the polycount.

3 - 3D Viewer on your computer

4 - Blender or Milkshape

Now that we have the ability to check our polycount - we're gonna fix this mesh. I'm not going to show you how to package it, there are other tutorials for that part, but this is VITAL to having a healthy game, and honestly, being a creator or converter for this game. I do understand that you have to have the knowledge before you can fix a problem, so here it is - literally handed to you in a basket. I also understand that there are creators/converters who don't post polycounts because they're afraid people won't download it - that is inexcusable. If that's the case then you will eventually be boycotted by the players who know better.

Alright, so step one - you're going to want to get into blender after exporting your mesh. You're going open the modifier properties and add a decimate modifier (the wrench circled in red, and the add modifier drop down menu).

Keep it in Collapse, not un-subdivide. It's gentler on the mesh itself and you'll get a lot farther with it. You're also going to want your UV map to match what you're doing with your mesh, in case you need it for selection (I'll explain that in a minute) and have faces tagged so the selection is easier.

Now that you have that set up, you're gonna want to remove unnecessary vertices. See the shadows on the bottom of the basket? Here's how to fix that - hit tab, press A to select everything, and then go to MESH/MERGE/BY DISTANCE. This removed 16,900 loose vertices that didn't need to be there.

Go back to your modifiers and add an edge split modifier and hit apply.

Boom - no shadows.

Now that that is all done you're going to go in to edit mode (tab) and press L while hovering over what you're wanting to select. This is going to select all of the islands in your UV, and it's the fastest way (that I've found) to quickly select pieces of your mesh.

When you have your whole group selected (you can also figure out at this point what pieces need alternate textures or groups for TSRW later in your packaging process) you're going to hit P-Selection. That's gonna split whatever you have selected into a separate group.

Now, you can do that to however many pieces you see fit, but for this I'm just gonna stick with two - the lemons and the basket itself. You're going to click the blue Ratio box - and type in .5 and hit enter. That will collapse your polycount in half - (you can move that ratio box lower if you wish, but this way is the gentlest way possible and I've gotten better results. So play with it and see for yourself if you wish to. ) - Now repeat the process until your mesh starts to lose quality, I tend to stop there unless I can push it a bit further without making it look bad.

Now repeat that process with all groups.

Given that this particular mesh was such high polycount and an intricate mesh, I could only manage to get it from 49,282 faces (polys) down to 18,860. This is absolutely not okay for TS3 - and I'm using as a lesson rather than using something that I can get down to an okay level - because this is what you're going to run into when getting meshes that start in the tens of thousands of polys. THIS IS NOT MEANT FOR TS3, it's beautiful, yes, but you are putting people's equipment at risk by advertising a mesh for a 13 year old game without disclaiming that it's dangerous for it.

This tutorial will absolutely work for most objects, and I've used this process for a couple of years now with success, but you have to be able to decide what you're willing to put into TS3. We have all of these tutorials for reducing lag in this old as dirt game, but NONE of that matters if you're carrying objects like this - no matter how pretty they are.

If you need it that bad, figure out how to make a version of it that CAN look as good as this with a little less detail (think the spirals in the wicker that is actually meshed rather than just textured), or ask a creator to make something for you.

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. If I have the time, I try to help whoever comes into my inbox. If I can't help, there is a hoard of creators out there that probably can.

So have fun, CHECK YOUR CONTENT, and keep your computer safe.

And creators/converters - do better.

Edit to add - to the creators/converters who do put out their polycounts, or a disclaimer of high poly/photo use only - thank you. I do understand the need for high poly objects for photo-op purposes, and I'm not here to attack anyone's preferred gaming style. I just want people to be safe while they play, as there are those who don't know what they're putting into their games. Let's help ensure that everyone has a chance to play whether they're experienced creators or regular game-players.

Edit to add 2 -

To add a bit of context - I was able to get the reduced mesh even further by removing some of the intricate details of the mesh, to create a simpler version. This is now down to 5,270 - and it could be lowered even further by removing the top of the handle - which is 1700 by itself because it's spiraled. So when you're dealing with a high mesh object such as this, pay attention to what's really adding weight, and if you can replace/remove it without taking too much away. The shadows can be fixed in gimp as well.

[thelazyhermits]

Y'all, I came up with the perfect idea for how to use Jack in my version of the Playful Land event, which I'll put underneath the cut.

As stated here, I could see Jack coming along to help Yuu drag Grim/Ace/Ortho back to school, and things could still play out like in canon thanks to Grim/Ace managing to find a way to sneak past the two and get through the theme park's entrance since, once the guys are wearing their new threads and are inside the park, Yuu would think it's too late to back out since for all she knows those clothes could somehow magically hurt the guys if they step outta the park whilst wearing them.

Plus, by that point, thanks to Fellow's UM, all of the third year students who are a part of this event are willing to stick around/visit the park, with the exception of Leona who wouldn't be there cause he had no reason to go after Jack.

As a result, Yuu feels she has no other choice but to stick around, and although she tells him that he can head back to school since she doesn't want him to get involved in this mess, Jack stays with her since he can't abandon her in circumstances like these. Plus, he knows Leona/Ruggie will come after him if he leaves her to deal with this mess on her own lol

Yuu and Jack are the only ones completely unaffected by Fellow's UM cause Yuu is so wary of him and her wariness, in turn, puts Jack, who can easily smell just how anxious she is, on high alert. It's because of Jack's superior senses that he can shake off the effects of Fellow's UM cause he's so focused on Yuu/in guard dog mode.

Moving onto the big idea I had, when it comes time for everyone to split up into groups, Jack tags along with Yuu/Grim cause he feels he shouldn't let her out of his sight. Plus, he's really not in the mood to go on any rides cause he trusts Yuu's instincts and knows that, if she says this place is bad news, then it is.

Once Fellow & Gidel aren't around and while Grim is distracted with stuffing his face, Yuu & Jack start talking about the situation at hand.

During this time, Yuu comes up with the idea of exploring the park on her own since she wants to do some investigating, and she thinks she'll have an easier time avoiding Fellow/Gidel if she's on her own.

Jack is unsurprisingly against the idea cause he thinks it's dangerous. After all, if she gets into trouble, there will be no one around to help her.

Plus, by moving around on her own, she may make a target of herself since it'll look suspicious for her to be by herself all the time after having arrived with such a large group despite her having made her feelings known that she doesn't want to be here.

That's why Jack refuses to go along with the idea. No matter what she says to try to convince him, he will not budge on this.

Because she knows Jack makes a good point and she also knows arguing with him when he's like this is like arguing with a brick wall, Yuu tries to come up a new idea that will appease him.

And that's when it hits her.

Yuu: *starts grinning*

Jack: *now noticeably wary* I don't like the look of that grin...

Yuu: Hey, Jack, how about we go on a date?

Jack: Hah?!

Yuu: You said it yourself. It'd be suspicious if I move around this park on my own the whole time we're here.

Yuu: *her grin grows* But there's nothing suspicious about a girl and a guy wanting to be alone together so they can go on a date, right? After all, amusement parks ARE a popular date spot.

The way Yuu sees it, this is the perfect way for Jack to get his way and for Yuu to be able to investigate whilst avoiding drawing any suspicious eyes toward herself.

Plus, she can get a date outta Jack while she's at it. Talk about a win-win situation lol

Because of how he is, Jack gets flustered and complains about Yuu having too much fun with this at his expense. However, in the end, he agrees to go along with the idea because he can't deny that it's a good plan, and if this is the only way to get her to stick with him, then he'll do it.

So, after sending Grim to Ace's group, making Ace become his babysitter since Yuu feels it's the least Ace can do for being partially responsible for the mess she's in, Yuu and Jack officially start their date.

Naturally, Yuu makes sure to make the most of this date. After all, she's gotta get some enjoyment outta this stressful turn of events, right? XD

[covencupid]

I Want You (or The Cabin Story)

Fair warning, I wrote this on discord and then copy pasted it onto docs, so if there are some inconsistencies I apologize, but maybe I just like to keep ya on your toes.

BIG THANKS to @mamamemequeen because I pretty much wrote this in the DMs oopsi.

Danny's had his eye on you. He's been finding himself enjoying the times he interacts with you a little too much. He's got to get you out of his system. A little house call. Once that's done it'll be easier for him to go for the kill. Right?

Pairing: Danny Johnson X Fem!Reader. Use of gendered language.

TW/CW: The usual (stalking, manipulation, threats of violence, actual violence) gore, descriptions of torture, corpses, and murder. Psychological horror, child murder (imma need you to hold your judgement on this one, it's not what you think, but it's also not good), hallucinations, descriptions of visual hallucinations.

Tags will be updated as needed, but to be honest I kinda forgot what I put in this.

I will be posting as much as I can in one go, but it's long, so I might have to upload in parts. Yeah, I'm definitely posting it in parts. This is chapter one.

Word Count is 15k+, this was supposed to be a one-shot about y'all fuckin at the drive-in, I don't know how it happened.

Oh one last thing, there is kinda a prequel/backstory part I haven't finished about Danny and "prom". Whatever you think it is, it's probably not gonna be like that.

Sorry one last last thing that I'm seeing now reformatting this from discord to the docs to here is that I kinda wrote Danny and Reader's POV back and forth but a little inconsistent. I will try to make the changes in POV a little clearer with spacing, but I apologize for any confusion!

Your Place // The Cabin // The Woods

~I Want You~

~Chapter One - Your Place~

Danny waited for the perfect night. A storm was coming. The whole neighborhood was snuggled up tight in their big warm beds and you? You were painting your nails while a gorey Japanese B-Movie played on the small tv in your bedroom. You had no idea you were being stalked, hunted like a deer in the forest. 

Danny had to stop and take a look at you first, before he went in. He saw you, legs bent to give you a place to rest your hands while you painted them. God, your legs. He watched the light of the film dance off your legs, following the glow that reached your thighs. How it faded as it dipped to the little peek of your ass from the bottom of your shorts where you sat. He swallowed harder than he meant to. He’d have to readjust himself before he continued inside.

Danny waltzed into your home from the back patio door. Unlocked? Baby there’s a killer on the loose. He stepped into the dark entry way, noting how little the sound from your room carried. That would be useful. He eased into your hallway hearing the lovely lilt of your laughter as he neared your door. The sound made him salivate. He plucked a delicate metal frame of a vintage botanical illustration and let it fall to the floor as he swiftly crossed past your door to the opposite end of the hallway. In a second you were out and making your way for the pesky little frame.

“God you little shit!” you scolded the picture. You had complained to your friend about the framed piece you had been gifted that had a nasty little habit of slipping off it’s nail. Always a bit too heavy. Danny breezed into your room while you degraded the drawing of little flowers. Too easy. You’re just letting me right in, huh?

“And you better keep it down out there!” you called out to the frame as you shut your door on the way back. When your head whipped back to your bed your heart jumped to your throat and fell back down to your gut. A howling ghost stared back at you, reclined in your bed, your nail polish in hand.

“H-how did y-you-” you struggled to find your words and he, seemingly mercifully, cut you off.

“Get in? You let me in, sweetheart. Thanks by the way, really saved me time.” You could feel his smug smile radiating from underneath his mask. Dread chilled your veins. You were frozen by the door. As much as Danny enjoyed the doe-eyed look of fear you were giving him, you were too far for his liking. He pat the bed beside him. “Come on, don’t be shy.”

For a moment it felt like you lost all ability to move. You lifted your right foot to take a step forward but your leg unexpectedly shook. Before you could process your involuntary movement you heard a laugh from the hooded figure lounging in your bed. “How can I have your legs shaking when I haven’t even touched you?”

Heat spread across your cheeks, breaking through the ice in your veins. Indignation rising in your chest.

“You- You’re a murderer! Showing up here in my bed, I’m gonna be scared! It has nothing to do with- I am not-” The words flowed out from your mouth faster than you could string them together cohesively. The sound of his rippling laughter cut you off. You wanted to slap him and wipe off the smug look you knew he was wearing. He crossed his arms

“Hey! Do I look like a threat to you? I’m just hanging out here. Lookin for a manicure, and maybe a better movie.”

You scoffed. “I can see your knife holster from here, not exactly “hanging out” gear. And for the record Blossom of Blood is a cult classic, not that you would know anything about it.”

Danny leaned forward. “First of all, how do you know I’m not just happy to see you? Second, no. You’re thinking of Bloody Blossom, what you’ve got is the cheap knock off made ten years later. Get your facts straight before trying to get all snobby with me.”

You mouth gaped open and closed like a fish. The nerve of this psycho to break into your home and lecture you about your movie choices.

“Hey” The aforementioned psycho snapped at you. Patting the bed next to him more aggressively. You inched your way closer to him. You felt uneasy looking down at him the moment you reached the bed. He sat comfortably nestled in your plush pillows, using a stuffed animal to prop up his arm. You wanted to beat him over the head with it. It would likely be your final act on this earth, but you felt you would feel at peace. “Sit.” There was no space for argument in his tone. Not exactly a command, but still decidedly firm. You sat where he told you to and began to look intently at your hands, gripping each other tight. From your periphery you could see the black mass of his form lean in to loom over you. You felt him delicately take your chin between his thumb and forefinger with his gloved hand. The skin on your arms pricked up with goosebumps. He’s turning your head to look at him as he’s telling you in a sing-song tone “look at me”.

You stare, wide eyes welling up with tears you wanted to keep hidden, into the black holes of his mask. You wish to look so far into them to reach the eyes you felt boring into you. As your eyes remained locked on him, he plucked your hand from your own grip to place the bottle of nail polish in your palm.

“Go on.” he said as he reclined back into your bed, crossing his feet as he extended a gloved hand out at you.

“Uh- you want me to-?” you looked between the bottle of polish and the masked man before you.

“I said I’m here for a manicure, sweets. Come on and make it nice or ya know…” he wiggled the hunting knife in your face. You gasped and grabbed his other hand in an instant. He chuckled as you held his large gloved hand with your comparatively small one. You held the polish right next to it. Does he want me to take off his glove? Paint the fingers? No, right?

Sensing your conflict, he wiggled his fingers in your face. “You can take it off.” He teased.

You put the polish down beside you as you worked the glove off his hand. You placed it on your lap. You felt hot, feeling his eyes rake over you as you gently held his hand, surprisingly warm. The tips of your fingers lightly grazed over his and felt the callouses there. You felt flushed. A killer walks into your room at night… and he tells you to paint his nails? He’s insane. You laid his hand on your lap as you picked the bottle of black nail polish back up and twisted the top off. You held the bottle between your thighs and picked his hand back up slightly. Your hands shook slightly as the applicator neared his nail bed. When you finally laid the first coat down you felt like you could breathe a sigh of relief.

Danny, feeling your unsteady breath reach the top of his hand, blurted out “Don’t fuck up!” quick enough to make your heart jump.

“Fuck! Don’t do that, that’s gonna make me fuck up!” You gripped his hand a little tighter. The feeling of your soft, warm hands on his sent a wave of heat course through him. He chuckled. As you were about to paint the next nail he quickly pulled his hand back and held it in front of you. A small sound of annoyance got caught in your throat. He reached his hand back out to you but pulled it back when you reached for it. You were getting flustered. The way your brows knotted together as the speckles of blush played on your cheeks was just delightful. It was so easy to work you up. He extended his hand out to you again. You stared at him for a second before going to reach back out for him. You looked between his hand and himself in rapid fire succession until you went to get his hand. In an instant he went to whip back his hand but you slammed your free palm into his and gripped his hand firmly until his fingers softly folded over yours. His fingertips rested on the back of your hand. A soft, self satisfied smile danced on your lips as you plucked the applicator back up to paint the next nail. Danny felt the grip you maintained on him. Firm, warm, tender. As you painted the rest of his nails, his thumb slowly ran along the side of your hand, down to graze your wrist. You just needed his thumb, but it continued it’s slow glide along your skin. What were you feeling? Annoyance for sure, he wants something done and won’t even stop moving to let you do it. But the way his thumb caressed the stretch of skin he was able to reach, you felt a flutter in your belly. Stop, what are you even thinking. His hunting knife is dangerously close to his free hand. But should you tell him to stop? Should you try painting it as it teases the delicate flesh of your wrist? Should you tell him he has to stop, so you can paint his nail. And then? Let him continue? Let him run the freshly painted hand up your arm, up to your neck, down to your- Stop. Just. Stop, what are you thinking? This is a monster, in your bed, in your grasp. Think like you want to make it out alive.

Danny can see the muscles of your throat straining as his thumb stroked up and down. It was getting harder to just have you there sitting in front of him. He was beginning to need to close the distance between you. He noted how intently your eyes watched his thumb dance over your skin. You looked entranced, he wanted to see that pretty face up close. Danny thought about his options. The pros and cons flittered about his head but the most overwhelming image was of you, those pretty legs straddling him as his freshly painted hand gripped the creamy flesh of your thigh. Feeling your palm turn clammy, his grip on your hand turned into a vice as he pulled you down to him with a force that wrenched a yelp from your lips. That was nice. He thought. Oh the sounds you could make for him. His other hand went to grip your waist. Your left leg sat between his as the sudden movement had jerked you haphazardly over him.

“What the fuck?” you managed out as you tried to pull yourself up from the place on his chest where your head landed. He smelled like leather and oak. Something else too, slightly sweet mixed with something metallic. Your free hand helped you gain some leverage on the bed. His hand on your waist went down to pat the side of your thigh.

“Move this over, straddle me.” the words made you blush, this time obvious and bright.

You sat uneasily on his lap, scared to put your full weight on him. Modesty? How cute. Danny mused as he grabbed you by your hips and forced you to sit on him. A little gasp escaped you from the force. Danny was drinking you up. The incredulous look on your face, the way your hands fell to his chest for stability. Fuck. Restraint was going to prove much more difficult.

You felt frozen in place. What the fuck. What in the actual ever loving fuck? The screams coming from the movie on your left made it feel all the more surreal. They were pitched up and down and underscored by a synth that harmonized with the wails. Normally this would be your favorite part to point out to the people who you would (force to) watch this with. Usually met with strained smiles and equally strained eyebrows raised to the hairline. You forgave the expression on account of the dizzying fifteen minute chase scene that preceded it. You acquiesced that it was "a bit much" for the casual viewer, but damn was it beautifully shot. God, you wanted to feel normal again. Movies, and painting your nails, your nails. Not the nails of some psycho freak that is making himself comfortable on your bed. He got mud on your sheets. You wanted to reach your hands just a bit forward, just enough to reach his neck and strangle him. But his chest felt broad, sturdy, and his grip felt strong. You didn't like your odds in that fights. He didn't feel threatening though, hunting knife aside. He felt like a boyfriend trying to turn a movie date frisky. God, what are you even thinking. Be normal for the love of everything good.

You defaulted to your brand of normalcy. "The screams in this scene were pitched up and down according to their tone. If you pay attention you can hear that they added a synth to subtly harmonize with the screaming." The words just tumbled out of your mouth thoughtlessly. You weren't even looking at him. Your eyes were locked on the screen glowing bright with scenes of carnage.

For all of the cruelties Danny had doled out, this was true torture. With the glow of the television illuminating her, she looked absolutely divine astride him. He wanted to see those pretty lips part and recite his name like a prayer, instead he heard her mumble out a little fun fact about the movie he was currently ignoring. He wanted to see those lips move again, closer this time. Danny grabbed at her wrists and pulled her down to be inches away from the mask that hid his cheeky grin. Her forearms were resting on his chest, her hands gripped in fists under his chin. "Tell me again, about your movie."

No, no, no. This is not normal, we are actively walking far, far away from normal. Fuck, he's got my hands restrained. His grip is so strong. The angle he had brought you down to made you arch your hips down. Is that? Oh. You felt him. You wanted to ignore it, to ignore him. The masked killer that was terrorizing your town, a man reacting to you atop him. Your body reacting to being on top of him. What are we doing here? What are you even thinking right now. This is not the time for biological responses, he's a killer! He's not a regular guy.

He pat your thigh at your lack of response. "Hello? Movie? Synths and screams?" You felt his fingers flutter at your hip. You tried to collect yourself.

"Right they- uh the director had them mix in synths kind of like a vocoder to play ben-" a sudden movement jolted you out of your train of thought. He had rolled his hips up as he lifted his legs up. The movement, deliberate and drawn out, elicited a yelp in response from you. With the way it had pressed against your most sensitive spot, the squeak you let out had been dangerously close to a moan. A fact that Danny noted instantly.

"Just trying to get comfortable, sorry go on." he acknowledged as he adjusted his grip on your wrists with his left hand while giving your hip a reassuring pat with the other.

Danny's game with his little pet was having an unexpected effect on him. He had anticipated getting a bit worked up with you. A little edging, if you will. Just playing with his food, nothing serious. But the more Danny played this game, the more he felt he didn't want it to end. Looking at her struggling to form words, he wanted to watch her forget the entire English language underneath him. He let his right hand meander back up to her waist, the glove that remained encompassing the last of his strength of will to not flip her onto her back and fuck her right there. No, no, Danny. Let her talk, or at least try to.

What were you talking about? Right, the fucking movie. "The...movie vi- the cinematographer on this... he only made car commercials before this." You felt him chuckle. A rumble you felt pass through your own chest, down to your belly, down further.

"That's not what we were talking about." You could hear his smile through the mask. You were stumped. You felt trapped in his gaze. Your mind felt like it was turning to mush by the second. "The synths? The vocoder...?"

Right, fuck. What was I thinking? You wanted to disappear. You wanted to this all to be some sort of nightmare. Or wet dream. You felt your legs turn to jelly.

"The vocoder, yeah. It was added in underneath the actor's lines because he wanted to make the dialogue sound like it was coming from hell." Your hips ached to move ever so slightly, to tease him back. Getting comfortable, my ass. Nothing about this felt innocent, of course it wasn't. He broke into your home and made you straddle him. What exactly did you think this was going to be?

Focus on her words, Danny. What's she saying? She could be speaking in tongues by now for all he cared. All that mattered was the way he felt her belly press down on him as she breathed and how her legs had splayed further to accommodate him. Danny didn't exactly have an end goal for this night, but when he felt her hips rock a bit her fate was sealed in stone. This night would end, but their game wouldn't. Besides he still had another hand she needed to paint. He met the movement of her hips by using the hand at his waist to help prop both of them up. The hand that held her wrists now supporting her back. The space between them smaller than ever before. He could almost taste her. He had to. He used the thumb of his gloved hand to hike up his mask up to reveal his jaw. Without a second thought, he held the back of her head and pulled her into an all consuming kiss.

You had thought you made a mistake, trying to match him. You went to far, goaded the bull. Now he was going to kill you. When he hoisted the both of you up you thought he was about to deal his killing blow, maybe slash your throat as you sat upright. The strike never came. Instead, he stopped your heart another way. It had barely registered in your mind that you were actually seeing his lips, seeing a part of his face, before they came crashing down on you. He had taken advantage of the way your mouth gaped open in shock when he had lifted you up to let his tongue explore the inside of your mouth. It was far more pleasant than death. He was kissing you like he wanted to devour you whole but had to restrain himself. It would be easier to just let him, and just sit there numbly in his hands. But the way his tongue darted in your mouth you felt compelled to chase after him. Your tongue met his with an equal measure of primal instinct. You wanted to familiarize yourself with the taste of his mouth.

Damn this girl. Danny wanted her to fight him on this. Not for the sake of having her struggle, though there was a measure of thrill in that. He wanted an excuse to be annoyed with her. To want to be done with her. Instead she paid him back in kind, her hands resting on his chest inching up to his shoulders. This night was supposed to make it easier for him to kill her off later. Get his rocks off a bit without leaving evidence to find later. Instead that raw, needy feeling that built up inside him when he saw her only continued to grow. This hunger would not be sated, could not be. It would only continue to fester the more he was apart from her. The only way to keep it under control would be to keep her within arms reach. No distance to make the heart grow fonder, only tight, close proximity to make the crushing feeling turn suffocating. Then he would be tired of her, then he could be rid of her. But for now he had to get her out of here, back somewhere he could really stretch his legs. It almost pained him to break from a kiss so decadent. She wore a dreamy, almost dumbstruck expression, with a flushed face and plush, swollen pink lips to match. He wanted to drink her up.

"After all that you're gonna think I'm a real dick for this, but you'll learn to forgive me." Her drowsy expression gave way to a look of confusion. A silent question answered by an equally wordless blow to the side of her head. Light's out. "Sorry, doll. Gotta move the sleepover to my place."

[redstringraven]

11 and 12

*crawls back over here after work week* >:J!!! thank you!!

(also, please excuse that this ask is visually a bit more of a mess. apparently i wrote too much for tumblr to be chill with my usual formatting. apologies. e-e;;; maybe it'll let me format it after the fact. it did not)

TMNT's 40th anniversary ask game!

11.) which version of raphael is your favorite?

like i said in the tags for the meme, it's obvious/a given that my favorite version for all the turtles is gonna be the 2003 one. but since i also said i won't stop/discourage y'all from asking anyway AND said i don't have a favorite out of the boys, i'll use this as an excuse to babble incoherently about some of the reasons i love them. it's not uncommon that i enjoy hot-headed characters. this could partly be because enneagram-wise i'm a 9, and we're the 'odd one out' when it comes to the anger/gut triad (i kind of touched on this concept in my enneagram series; apologies). so, while i often smother my own temper, i still feel it under the surface. i get being angry. anger is also often a secondary emotion--it's an emotion that comes up because you're attempting to disguise something else; "anger is easier" as some quotes may say. i find it interesting to squint and find out why we're 'angry'. what's actually going on? when it comes to '03 raph, i don't think his anger stems from any ONE thing, i think it's more a bundle and that's part of the reason it's so easily set off. a significant piece of it is probably due to things i discussed in his enneagram post: learning to recognize the world is cruel/uncaring and trying to find ways for him--and the few people he cares about--to survive. raph is also a very intense person. anger is an intense emotion. it makes sense that he'd find comfort turning to it when he otherwise can't identify or articulate what he's really feeling. and this isn't to say he's not emotionally intelligent (far from it), i just think he struggles to slow his head and heart down to put names and words to everything flooding him--and WHEN he struggles, he gets frustrated and impatient with himself, which just makes him struggle more. and i appreciate the handful of examples we get that in-series where he can't quite verbalize it, but you can still feel and see it. i think raph likes to take care of people. his brothers, master splinter, april, casey, tyler, mrs. morrison, angel--whether they're someone who he loves, or someone who can't fend for themselves, or both, he just seems to instinctually take people beneath his wing. he's still learning that vulnerability doesn't equate to weakness (you can't show weakness in a world that rejects you), and he's also still learning to harness and manage all those emotions when they turn to anger--steer them to something more productive and beneficial instead. because anger, itself, isn't inherently bad. it's what you do with it. this is something he struggles with at the beginning of the series but seems to get a better grasp of as the seasons pass. i love raph as a hot-headed character who's a marshmallow inside not because of the trope itself, but because it feels very real to me given the circumstances he grew up under, lives under, and how he views the world and how intensely he loves. he's not just there to be "the angry one" so we have that archetype on the team, there're reasons. it's both a strength and a weakness of his. one he's aware of and carries shame for. my man also has an excellent sense of humor; right up my alley. i love him very much but i've already talked a lot and should probably stop here. … also, he hates bugs and got fucking swallowed by one and proceeded to chest-burster his way out of it, like. we love to see a short-king winning and getting to reference a movie he probably loved in the process. talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spectacular, never the same; yee-frickin'-haw indeed, sir.

12.) which version of donatello is your favorite?

copy/paste that first paragraph from the above answer here.

hilariously, like how i seem to have a pattern of enjoying hot-headed characters, i also feel like i have a pattern of loving the more quiet and compassionate ones. this also probably plays into my 9 on the enneagram, since 9s tend to be peacemakers and our place in the web allows us to better see the perspectives of others. i, also, understand the struggle that comes with not wanting to 'rock the boat' and kind of keep those i'm surrounded by happy and chill and secure. but don's also SMART. and i've been a nancy drew reading/game playing bitch since i could read. puzzle-solving… mysteries… cleverness… GIMMIE THAT SHIT.

don was my favorite as a kid, and i think that came both from the fact he was 'the purple one' (joking that was a bias was half of a joke; shut up i was like thirteen) and because he was resourceful, clever, and observant. i loved his kindness, i loved how when things seemed dire he'd usually be the one with an idea, and i probably saw a lot of myself in him whether it be in playing mediator between my siblings, or in knowing a lot of seemingly Random Shit™ about a lot of Useless Things™, or in the simple fact that he often wanted to be left alone to do the thing(s) he was really passionate about. i got a lot of flack for all the time i spent on the computer as a kid. didn't matter if i was writing or drawing or reading about topics i wanted to learn more about--you know, productive/creative/thoughtful activities--i was constantly badgered that i was addicted to it and didn't spend enough time with my family. i guess any moment that don having a weird interest in something "paid off" was validating to me in a way? as well as him not being the strongest fighter, but still being valuable in the team unit (i'm an artist who grew up in a family of athletes). i also appreciated and admired that despite his kindness, he wasn't a doormat. definitely a do-no-harm-but-take-no-shit kind of guy, and lord knows teen!hannah needed to learn to stand up for herself better. so, yeah. i think as a kid i saw a lot of myself in don. i appreciated him for existing in that way.

all that obviously still stands as an adult, the 'favoritism' has just faded away as i've grown to understand and adore the other three more.

don's pretty outstanding, man. while he's usually the route of the pacifist, it's evident that he has a clear line in the sand, and once you've crossed that line… you're gonna realize that when you fuck around, you find out. and you're gonna find out very quickly.

he'll take what little he has around him to scrap together a breathing apparatus for a lost and brain-damaged triceraton (even though the triceraton was previously an enemy), he'll spend months trying to find a cure for a bunch of strangers he barely knows, he's able to empathize with a bunch of child-like nanobots… but at the same time, he'll also blast you with your own arm-canon, drill you into a pile of mulch, trick you into going to a hornet dimension, and verbally assassinate your dignity for all that it's worth.

i love that so much of him IS grounded in creation. making things. learning and understanding. and that kindness is often one of his main driving points. i just wanna take his shoulders and shake him sometimes. in the most loving, motherly and enthusiastic of ways.

…i also firmly maintain that he's physically the strongest out of the brothers. that detail, combined with him being the least competitive out of the four, really amuses me. because i like to think that when it comes to arm wrestling, someone might challenge don because they think nerd = weak. and don's initially not interested in humoring the challenge, but his brothers are behind him like ":)))c no. no, donnie you should do it. it'll be fun!" because they all know. and don's finally just like

… e_e … fine.

and proceeds to slam the other person's arm down before they even know they've lost. his brothers stand there with gremlin smirks, impish grins, snickering, mischievous boyish giggling, and don wanders off unceremoniously to get back to a project. he's got a lot to do today but this was a nice break.

[pupintransit]

At this stage post-op we are about three weeks out from the surgery. Things are healing fine, but not without some complications:

Wound dehiscence at the front of my canal. It'll heal on its own but kind of slowly. Plus according to the trans care nurse I saw it's likely to develop granular tissue, which is treated very easily but it's profoundly inconvenient nonetheless

Urinary tract infection. Search me how I contracted the fuckin' thing but we caught it early it seems. I was given some antibiotics at my last medical appointment, and I hope to christ they kick in soon cuz I had a fever of about 101.6 this morning. Cannot remember the last time I felt that physically weak and miserable. The other day I didn't have the strength to keep my legs prone to air dry properly

There's a hematoma underneath my vulva on my right side. It sounds worse than it is, and it seems to be going down on its own. Still, it is lengthening my recovery time for longer than I want, and it bleeds out of a pinprick sized wound on right side

Ughhhhhh.

Mentally I've been all over the place. I've been going through phases of regret and fear, which as I wrote about earlier this month I experience when I feel particularly bad. It passes just as i expect it too once the pain and dread stops. It doesn't make it any easier to deal with in the moment though. Sometimes you just have to ride the feeling out.

I get asked sometimes what it feels like to be cockless. The honest answer is that is that I don't know yet. I like how it looks and I love not having something dangle between my legs, but it still hurts. I won't be able to use my new parts the way I want to for at least a few more months. I'm still a little too swollen to find my clit too, and quite frankly I miss being able to cum.

I'm not fucking around with my health so despite all of the pain and fever I'm going through I'm still dilating on schedule four times a days and doing my hygiene routines as required. There are consequences if I don't, and I don't want to become complacent and stop. I've downsized to the blue and green dilators for the time being due to the pain caused by my dehiscence. I can always work back up to the orange one once everything heals up more. Right now I want to be sure that I maintain my depth and do so with the least amount of pain possible.

There's someone I follow online who has a Q&A section about their own gender affirming surgery on their social media who has a very salient point in one of the entries. I'm not gonna tag them and risk embarrassing them (but if you happen to be reading this please know that I think very highly of you!), but essentially their point was that, if you're asking someone if you should get bottom surgery of any kind, the answer is no you should not. Asking that means that you're still uncertain about whether or not it's the best decision. If you ask yourself if you want bottom surgery and the answer you come up with is "I don't know," that isn't good enough. For your own safety you need to wait until you are certain. That could take a very long time but it's still the most responsible thing you can.

I had several appointments with therapist and doctors in order to be sure this is what I wanted. When I am in my right mind I am confident in my choice and I don't regret it. You need to be sure you won't regret it too.

Anyway. My next appointment with the trans health care nurse is friday of next week. Luckily my husband is able to drive me since my brother isn't available this time and I really do not want to take transit for that long in order to get there. Ideally my UTI will have gotten better by then. I'll let y'all know how it goes.

[amelias-zelda-calamity-quintet]

It's getting so much bigger now. It's getting so much harder to find Link in this knotwork.

For those who haven't seen this before, this is the Obsidian file web for Mark of a Hero's world bible. At least, what's been imported.

Few things I wanna mention on this. Big one is that how Obsidian works is that the color coding can only show one tag. So if something has multiple tags, it'll always go to the highest ranking one. This is why despite a lot of these notes being in multiple countries (particularly we're talking about monsters), they'll end up with the Hyrule gold tag because it's book 1 and at the top of the list.

Other thing is that folks will probably be able to figure out the book order here pretty soon once y'all get the colorcoding sorted. To make my life easier, there's a color for each country and there's a color for each book and its annotated chapter files in Obsidian. Things get tagged on their country of origin, which is where some of this blending stuff gets wonky.

The little unconnected collection is my templates folder. And that's all I can think of. Anyway. I'll get back to it.

[ofmd-alsaurus]

Hi, podficcer here. I appreciate the shoutout to our type of fanworks! In my experience, I don't really browse the Podfic Welcome tag that much as it's so sparsely used - however, if people have a permission statement on their profile and have not yet added themselves to fpslist.org (a database of Fandom Permission Statements) they should! Many podficcers use a browser plugin that highlights people's usernames in green on AO3 (or hides works altogether that don't have permission if we toggle that option) and it's much easier for us to find things to podfic!

If you're a new podficcer, I'd recommend *not* gifting podfic to an author without first asking if they're okay with that first. If you use the "inspired by" function when you upload, the author will (1) get an email informing them of the podfic (2) it'll show up in their "related works" tab on their dashboard, and (3) they'll then be able to link the podfic to their work if they choose, where it will show up at the end in the "works inspired by this one" section AO3 adds automatically.

PS: you can also use the Podfic tag, though Podfic & Podficced Works is cool too :)

(this is the post that anon is referring to)

Thank you so much for the information!!!

I use the Podfic Welcome tag on my fics and have had four (4!!!!) of my works recorded that way. And it's always the most welcome surprise. I appreciate what y'all do so much!! I will definitely add myself to that database.

And to clarify, I use the Podfic & Podficced Works tag to find podfics because it's a metatag which will include anything tagged Podfic in the results, along with other subtags like Podfic Available and Podfic Linked. :) (I always add the Podfic Available tag to my fics that have been recorded, and I know other authors do the same, so I want those works in my results when searching for podfics, in case I'm sorting by date posted, kudos, etc)

[bigplaceexchange]

Assignment Posting Guide

Hope you all are doing well! I promised a guide to posting assignments, so here you go! This gets long, so click Keep Reading.

When you're ready to post your assignment, there's two ways you can get there. 1) The New Work tab under "Post" on AO3, or 2) the Fulfillment box under "Assignments" on your Dashboard.

If you go to New Work, you should have this box on your screen. If you click it, it will automatically use this work to fulfill your assignment.

Alternatively, if you go to "Assignments" on your Dashboard, you should see a list of your assignments, with the above options. Click on "Fulfill" and it will take you to a New Work screen where you can submit your assignment.

Both of these methods will also post your work to the collection, so don't worry about filling in this box. AO3 is weird about it sometimes, anyway.

ART

Art works pretty much the same way as fic, which a couple of differences. You still have to insert your art into the Work Text box on AO3, but there's a couple ways to go about it.

Enter the HTML code for images into the box with HTML checked.

If you want to use this method but don't know HTML, cut and paste the following code, take out the spaces, and replace the bolded parts with the location of your art. Wherever you have it uploaded, basically.

< center > < img src="UPLOADED LOCATION OF ART HERE" width="50%" / > < / center >

2. Use Rich Text. Click Rich Text next to HTML and it'll take you to a different screen.

Click the insert/edit image button to left and it'll pop up the above screen. Source is the uploaded location of your file and height and width determine how big the image will be. You might have to play with it a little to get it to look the pay you want. I typically use option 1 (HTML) b/c I'm of the Geocities generation and just find it easier LOL.

TAGGING: This is SO important, y'all. Both art and fic need to be tagged. Be specific, especially for any triggering content. If you have questions about tagging, let me know.

ONE MORE THING for fic submitters. Here's a link to a tool I use with every single fic I submit to AO3. It's a script that will insert the HTML code into your document for you. Find it here:

If you all have any questions, please let me know!! I can't wait to see all the submissions!

[gato-reblogs]

As of now, I need to look through my previous reblogs and tag accordingly so that it's easier for y'all to find! It'll take a while.

[amorphousblobqueen]

DEVBLOG DAY #3: A USEFUL RESOURCE

So not much progress with the engines today, or any for that matter lmao XD...

But I did find something else.

It's called "The One Page Gane Design Document" ("The One Page GDD"), made by BiteMe Games. A link to their channel can be found below. Go show them some support they're cool.

In essence it is a way to get the core ideas and goals of your game development project down early on to keep yourself on track and try and prevent too much scope creep or drift. At the moment I don't plan on rigidly sticking to it but it could still prove to be very useful:

There is a PDF version that you can get from them, but here is a screenshot from my phone (use the PDF though it'll just be easier that way lmao XD):

So to fill it out for our dev team at the moment: These are the **current** details that we have agreed upon right now:

Executive Pitch and Story: see devblogs #1 and #2

USPS, Objectives, Price, Age Rating, Planned Release and Supplemental Art: Ask us later if we get that far lmao XD

Playtime: Roughly 3-4 hours, could easily get longer if we decide to tho

Platforms: Steam/PC&Mac to start with

As for other news: We agreed that we could enter some games jams at the moment to build up experience with the game engines, and that we could entertain the idea of having multiple games in the works at once.

If anyone is reading this far, thanks :)

Goodnight y'all!

Edit: It has come to my attention that I didn't add tags to this one. Whoops let me just fix that real quick lmao XD

[ashadowofburnedoutstardust]

Y'all can kiss twitter the fuck bye bye

It'll be easier just to shut it down the way it's bleeding money

You wanted to fuck with one fandom?

Your lack of ambition is disappointing

You want coverage and exposure don't you?

Isn't that what it's all for? Y'all are seriously lacking in that whole general public awareness so I'm sure you'd appreciate the help no?

If y'all watching don't think it's your problem, I'm going to make it your problem

By the time I'm done anyone who has had anything to do with promoting this bullshit won't be able to use their own tags for their own shit, exposure is a key point for being able to sell things right?

A new day, a new tag

Why are we limiting our tags anyway?

You think I give a fuck about being called crazy?

Tick tock tick tock

Remember every hour on the hour, can you see me? I can see you......

Oh dearest honey bears, crazy isn't a label, it's the true key to freedom of expression, creativity will always find a way 😘

#albabaptistaisracist #albabaptistaedit #justinamorimisracist #warriornun #antisemetism #caa #narrativepr #chrisevansiscancelled #painhustlers #chrisevansisretired #nazis

#buzzfeed #variety #tmz #people #scottevans #barbie #caa #rdj #swifties #tswift #mariahcarey #forbes #jinx #asp #astartingpoint #chrisevans #cevans #biden #trump #uselections #insurrection #racism #usgovt #nfl #nhl #elonmusk #pagesix #nytimes #condenast #pinault #cartier #nycc #freebritney #lucasbravo #sebstans #merryxmas #disney #marvel #captainamerica #appletv #netflix #deuxmoi #redone #ghosted #dulcinea #borderline #bodyhackers #therock #anadearmas #weloveandsupportyouchrisevans #harpersbazaar #vanityfair #Istillsupportchrisevans #Chrisevans #freechrisevans #withyoutiltheendoftheline #weloveandsupportyouchrisevans #huffpost #Istillsupportchrisevans #Chrisevans #timessquare #newyearseve #withyoutiltheendoftheline #fandoms #fandomonstrike #fandomsonstrike #sagaftrastrike #sagaftra #sagaftrastrong #chrisandalbapr #chrisandalbawedding #chrisandalba #chrisandalbasadventures #chrisandalbamarried #usatoday #ryanreynolds #scarjo #weloveandsupportyouchrisevans #warriornun #albabaptistaisracist #albabaptista #netflix #chrisandalbapr #chrisandalbawedding #chrisandalba #chrisandalbasadventures #chrisandalbamarried #eonline #celebritygossip #weloveandsupportyouchrisevans #warriornun #albabaptistaisracist #albabaptista #netflix #chrisevans #chrisandalbapr #chrisevansfans #albabaptistaisracist #albabaptistaedit #defendingjacob #justinamorimisracist #lightyear #warriornun #antisemetism #caa #narrativepr #chrisevansiscancelled #painhustlers #hemsworth #chrisevansisretired #nazis #bts #sony

#buzzfeed #variety #tmz #people #scottevans #barbie #caa #rdj #swifties #tswift #mariahcarey #forbes #jinx #asp #astartingpoint #chrisevans #cevans #biden #trump #uselections #insurrection #racism #usgovt #nfl #nhl #elonmusk #pagesix #nytimes #condenast #pinault #cartier #lucasbravo #sebstans #merryxmas #disney #marvel #captainamerica #appletv #netflix #deuxmoi #redone #ghosted #dulcinea #borderline #bodyhackers #thinkjinx

[khargaotte]

Hey just a housekeeping post because I've been kinda slacking on tagging because it's just so much easier to do the quick reblog/quick queue thing and I'm lazy

(I know it'll bit me in the ass when I want to find a specific post again)

But if any of y'all notice something that I often reblog that annoys you and that you'd like to mute or whatever, just drop me an ask or a message and I'll try to be more mindful about tagging it!

[neutrallyobsessed]

Indeed, Projeto Clonagem and Школа клонов (along with Secundaria de Clones) were fairly easy to find and watch. Beyond the vastly different titles to Clone High, so one can pinpiont the specific language, there's also the factor of Latinamerica and East Europe are best friends in online piracy <3.

So what's the matter, West Europe? Specially France and Italy, Y'all didn't buy HBO Max? Based. But like, don't you have a little bit of curiosity about what your dubs sound like? Y'all just learn english and do your best? how do you pirate in your languages? can y'all even do that? I do imagine that it is harder, but how much harder is it?

(I also know that there is a portugal-portuguese dub of the first season, so the chances of the second season also being dub are high but who knows lel)

____

About the pt-br, it was a bit of an odessy but now that the site is fixed, it'll be easier to watch more episodes lel and the first season seems like it's lost media, so that's about it xd

I don't have much to say expect that whe Confucius says "LOL IRL JFK" in the dub he laughs normally and then goes "kkkkkkkkk" and that's a pretty neat detail x33

____

Now, I want to highlight this specific tag cause it brings up them FACTSSSSSSvvvvv

YESS!!! THANK YOU!!!!! the point of the tag is to say anohter thing but the gist of it is that YES TOPHER'S ENGLISH VOICE IS STUNNING!! It's fucking great and amazing! Topher looking good is a delusion, Topher sounding good is an objective fact.

Now, the point there was to draw comparasion and I personally liked all of his voices. All of the diff actors understood the assigment of giving him a deep, somwhat raspy/jaded tone with an ominous vibe to it and I think they all succeeded at that idk im goin insane~~ uwu♥

there's a certain brilliance about the clone of a historical figure with many many MANY variants of his name going by a nickname that is also going to vary in other languages.

like, he goes by Toby Col (short for Cristobal Colon) in LatAm spanish and i'd looooove to know if there are any other changes like this in other dubs of the show.... even if it's something small like.. Toffer xd

[covencupid]

I Want You (The Cabin Story) : Chapter Two

Y'all I'm sorry for the delay! I rarely get a three-day weekend, so I was stoned and shlumped the whole time. Really, I do my best work (writing) while I'm supposed to actually be working (employment). I'm also realizing I maybe took too fat a rip before work. It's ok I work from home. :)

Danny's had his eye on you. He's been finding himself enjoying the times he interacts with you a little too much. He's got to get you out of his system. A little house call. Once that's done it'll be easier for him to go for the kill. Right?

Pairing: Danny Johnson X Fem!Reader. Use of gendered language.

TW/CW: The usual (stalking, manipulation, threats of violence, actual violence) gore, descriptions of torture, corpses, and murder. Psychological horror, child murder (imma need you to hold your judgement on this one, it's not what you think, but it's also not good), hallucinations, descriptions of visual hallucinations.

Tags will be updated as needed, but to be honest I kinda forgot what I put in this.

When I said you just kinda roll with being kidnapped, this is what I meant.

Your Place // The Cabin // The Woods

~I Want You~

~Chapter Two: The Cabin~

When you awoke you became aware of the restraints at your wrists and ankles at the same time that you noted that you were in a very different room.  Your feet were bound at the ankles and your hands were tied behind your back. Your bed had turned into what was easily a California King. It felt like an island in the dimly lit room. A soft, dark green comforter made your awkward position a little more comfortable. You rolled over onto your side to survey the rest of the room. You could make out a dresser on the far wall with a mirror above it. To your left there was a writing desk stacked with books, journals and loose paper. There was a window to the left of the desk and on the other side of it, meeting the corner wall, was a low bookshelf near the bed. You could see a book that had been plucked from the shelf sitting on top next to a little figure of a rabbit, carved from wood. You tried to glean as much detail of the small sculpture as you could in the low light. You must've been looking so intently, so reverently that you hadn't noticed him come into the room until he spoke.

"You like that one huh?" Your head whipped around so fast you flopped on your back. The Ghostface creeped forward, giving a short little exhale through his nose as he picked up the rabbit carving. He turned to lean over you, wiggling the figure in your face. "Ya know, there's a story there, but it wouldn't play well with your little bunny sensibilities." You didn't have a chance to raise a question before he popped it on the nightstand and jumped into bed, causing you to wobble around a bit until he grabbed you by the waist to face him. He was leaning on his side, propped up by his elbow. "Well, how do you like the place?" He sounded excited and that made you very nervous.

"I- it's nice, it's a nice room. Where are we?" You wanted to be home. You wanted to be anywhere that assured your safety and into the lion's den is decidedly not so.

"We are in my cabin. Our little love shack, if you will."

You blinked at him. "What? When can I go home?"

Baby there is no “going home”, but you can think of this as one until your final home in the ground. “Where’s the fun in putting limits to our time here? Let’s just let this play out.” He booped your nose.

“Are you going to leave me tied up the whole time?” You wiggled around to emphasize your restraints.

“Come on, babe. Give me some credit, but I need to be sure you won’t run before I start being a gentleman.”

You begin to plead your case immediately. “I won’t run, I promise. I’ll stay here. I promise I won’t go anywhere you don’t tell me to, I swear. I’ll do what you want, please.” Being bound in front of him, you felt far more vulnerable than in his grasp. Being in his hand felt oddly reassuring. Being presented before him felt distant, like a specimen on a slab. You could feel the tears building up. You looked at him like he was the god of your tiny life, in a way he was. Looking at him like that, it imbued a sense of power into Danny that was so unlike the power he held right before snuffing out a life. You handed him a loaded gun.

The girl delivered her promises with more veneration than others had recited prayers at his feet before their final moments. Her eyes were wide with fear and maybe a little bit of hope. He’d love to see those pupils get blown out as he fucks into her. Watch as her gaze locks onto his, as she recites her pretty promises to him. He would untie her, but he can’t have her thinking she can just bat her eyelashes and tell him what he wants to hear for her to get her way. He reached his hand out to stroke her hair, his thumb reaching down to wipe tears on her cheek.

“Don’t feed me any promises you don’t plan to keep.” He gripped the back of her head shoved it back down onto the bed. “I’ll untie you.” He gave her shoulder a shove so that she was flat on her belly. He straddled her, sitting on her legs. One hand ran up and down the length of her arms while the other pulled the hunting knife from its sheath. “But not because you asked, though I’m still gonna hold you to your word.” He sliced through the ropes at her wrists like butter. Her arms sprung out to her side as a sigh escaped her lips. His mind danced back to those lips on his. His hand grazed her back as it made its way up her neck into her hair. His fingers spread out across her head in a way that must’ve felt nice to her because she let out a small moan she tried to hide in the mattress. I’ll have more of that in time.

His fingers tangled up in your hair made your skin prick up and sent little tingles up your spine. Before you could even express any gratitude towards your captor for freeing your wrists, white hot pain seared across your scalp as his fist yanked your head up by your hair. You felt the cool metal of his blade on your neck. His warm breath was in your ear.

“I untie you because I want to, I keep you alive because I want to. You are here at my pleasure and I will not hesitate to let my hand slip if you go back on the promises you swore to me.” His tone was as harsh as his grip. He jerked her head back a bit to punctuate his last remark, “Understood?” Your eyes tried to find him in your periphery.

“Yes, I understand. I Understand.” you gasped out. Satisfied, he pulled the knife back and let your face drop onto the mattress. You yelped and went to prop yourself up by your arms when you felt him tug you down to the foot of the bed. He was dragging you by the rope that bound your ankles. “Ow, hey!” You flipped over to face him, your expression miffed.

“Oh sorry, baby. I can leave these be if you prefer?” He tapped at the ropes playfully.

“What, no! You pulled me so hard, I’ll get friction burn.” He laughed, actually threw his head back and laughed.

“You know you’ve really got your priorities screwed up, but it works for me.” He slit the ropes off so fast. The speed of his movement unnerved you, but he was moving up the hand that held your leg before you could think. He was letting your newly freed legs spread enough to let him fit comfortably between you. He was hovering over you and looking down at you like starved dog would a juicy steak. “Sorry baby, let me apologize.”

It felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. You released a breath you didn't know you were holding. You had gone from annoyed to flustered at breakneck speed. When your eyes locked with the black holes of the mask you felt your head go fuzzy and your veins run cold. You had always felt that you had some preternatural awareness for what people wanted from you. Yet, trapped underneath him, you still didn't know. You thought he wanted to hurt you, but his hand slowly trailing up your skin made you think otherwise. But he threatened you! You felt the sting of his grip on your head echoing in your memory. Could be that same hand making languid strides up your side. How can the same hand touch you so tenderly after such harsh treatment.

"I don't know what you want from me." You blurted the words out before you could stop yourself. He pulled back for a bit, his hand went up to stroke your cheek. It took everything within you not to lean into his incredibly warm touch. You hadn't even noticed when he took off his gloves. His hand dipped to gently hold your chin between his thumb and forefinger.

"I just wanna get to know you, have you get to know me." His tone was cheeky, like he was playing a game he didn't explain the rules for. "How can I get to know you when I don't even know what you look like, I don't even know your name just what everyone calls you."

He let out a little chuckle and bid you to continue "...and that is?" Saying it out loud felt like an entirely different hurdle. You couldn't, it would make it real. Too real, that you are trapped in a cabin with him somewhere you didn't even know. You swallowed when you felt his grip on your chin tighten. "Say it." He was firm. No room for arguments.

"Ghostface"

Danny was stalling. Though he did like hearing how the words came out a breathy whisper. He wants her to know his name, to say it over and over until it's the only word she knows. He was debating whether to gamble his luck with her. Letting her know these things shifted the power in to her hands. She could run, she could tell anyone she could all about him. What could she say? Realistically, where could she go? She'd wander the woods for miles before she'd ever encounter another person. She's not exactly a survivalist. She wouldn't last. She needs me to stay alive. He tried to weigh the risks rationally, but his growing lust for the soft creature he had caught in his trap made it all the more difficult. He could tell her his name. Not much that cops can do with "Danny." There it was again, the doe-eyed expression.

"My name is Danny. Good for you to know what you're gonna be screaming out later." She looked at him like he dropped a dead rat at her feet.

"What- I'm not- why would I?" Her features twisted into something resembling disgust but without the true repulsion behind it.

Hmm maybe I like it when you play dumb. He inched down so that the tip of her nose touched the mask. He wanted the barrier between them gone. He wanted to feel her skin on his, to lock eyes with her while he touched her and see her face change with pleasure. But if he takes it off it seals her fate, there will be no hope for her outside his grasp. If she knows his face, she can never leave this place. She could never leave him. She'd have to stay here, with him, or else she'd have to die. Can't have anyone knowing his identity. It's merciful, really. A good deed. Keeping the girl alive. She should be grateful. Feeling his resolve break, he tore off the mask. Seeing her clearly like this only solidified his plan.

"I can show you exactly what I mean." His lips crashed into hers. She can never leave.

He didn’t let you think, he never let you think. He just did as he wished, took you where he wanted to, held you how he wanted to. The taste of his mouth, almost bitter, like dark chocolate. It made your head swim. You already felt unsteady and now you are scrambling to hold on to anything to make you feel grounded. The only place you found that stability was against the chest of the man that held you in place. Your hands grabbed onto the soft fabric of his black hoodie. His hands were in your hair again, but this time holding you tenderly, gently weaving out his hands from your locks to avoid tangling. One hand reached down to your neck and gave it a light squeeze. You couldn’t help the little moan you made into his lips. It fueled him further. You felt his other hand reach down between your thighs. You closed tried to close them out of instinct, but you only tightened the grip your legs had on him. You pushed at his chest.

“No-wait.” You took a moment to catch your breath. Being able to actually get a look at him now you felt even more flustered. In a way, you can expected him to be ugly. A face worth hiding. Instead you found yourself avoiding those dark, sleepy eyes that felt like they saw right through you. He was handsome in a slightly rugged way. His hair was black and cropped shirt, but you could see the hints of a curl to his hair. He licked his lips. He wore an impish little smile. You could see a scar on his bottom lip and another splitting the end of one eyebrow. They looked old. He had light stubble about this jaw. You wondered what he would look like with a full beard. How it would be like to kiss him with it.

“You know I won’t tell anyone you put out on the first date. It’ll be our little secret.” He gave you a wink. You wanted to strangle him again.

Danny enjoyed every second he watched her struggling to form words. It was so easy to work her up.

“No that’s- I’m not- First of all I don’t.” She looked downright offended.

“Why not, I do.” Danny interjected. He savored how she blushed in response.

“Well congrats, but I’m not just going to let you fuck me when I don’t know the first thing about you other than that you are very wanted by police.”

Oh, she wants a connection first. How cute. “So I tell you my favorite color and then you let me see if it matches your panties?”

The girl huffed. “Nice try. Are you from here?”

Danny let out a hearty laugh. “Be a little less obvious with your detective work, babe. What do you want my mom’s maiden name too?” The girl gripped the hem of her shorts.

“No, that’s not what I meant. I just-” tears threatened to spill from her eyes. “I mean fuck! Can you blame me for wanting to get to know the man that wants to fuck me?” The tears began to flow freely, at first slowly falling down her cheeks until they turned  in small sobs. Fuck. This isn’t what Danny wanted. He wanted her screaming and crying, but from the sheer bliss of being fucked to stupidity, not from a lack of connection with her captor. Fix it, fucker. Danny scooted closer to her on the bed where she had shrunk into herself.

“Hey, hey. Baby, come here.” He pulled her into his lap and held her head close to his chest. He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear as he cooed into her ear. “Ya know this was my grandpa’s cabin first. My mom’s dad. She would bring me here in the summer to visit. He taught me about woodcarving the last summer I came to visit. I spent my summer learning how to carve out that little bunny.” And when I came home and showed my old man what I learned he told me he would show me “the only right way to carve a rabbit” and dragged me out into the woods. Just me and him, he had looked down at me and told me he was going to show me how to build a trap.  When the scared little thing fell into one of my newly built traps he handed me his knife. He talked me through it. He didn’t like the sloppy job I did with the first one so he made me do it again “until I can see the confidence in your cut”. It was four in the morning until he was satisfied.

The girl sniffed. “Have you made others?”

“I never really picked it back up.” Always had something else to carve. She blinked at him and turned to look at the bunny carving on the nightstand.

“But it’s good! And you did that as a kid?” Danny reached over to pick up the bunny and pass it to her. Her eyes lit up. She turned it around in her hands as she admired his work.

“Yeah, heh. Not exactly a masterpiece-”

She cut him off, “What no! It’s really good, I know I couldn’t even do this as an adult.” She was smiling, it made his heart rise in his throat. He wanted to elicit more smiles from her. He wanted, more than for her to feel better, to be the reason she felt good. Holding her in his lap, he could smell her hair. A mix of cherry scented shampoo and her own scent. It was intoxicating. He want to breathe all of her in, to fall asleep with that sweet scent tucked under his chin.

“I could show you how. I think. I could show you the basics.” Her whole face lit up like Christmas.

“Really? To make a bunny?” He let out a small chuckle.

“A bunny for a bunny. We can start tomorrow.” She gave him a look. He couldn’t decipher it until she kissed him. It tasted sweeter than ever before.

Maybe this was the beginnings of insanity. You had to be losing it. You had always heard of instinct kicking in just in time for people to react in life threatening situations. You doubted the capabilities of your ancestors if your instinct was to kiss your captor. But you didn’t feel threatened, not anymore at least. Being in his arms was comforting. It unnerved you how easily you fell into them. How soothing you found his touch. It felt right. He didn’t hesitate to kiss you back. You reached back to place the bunny on the nightstand without breaking the kiss. Your arms wrapped around his neck as his hands held your waist. One hand went up into his hair. You were growing to like the taste of his mouth, maybe he smoked. Your legs spread at either side of his lap. As you leaned into the kiss you felt him react to your touch. He was getting hard. No doubt ready to continue what he had started. It felt so wrong before, but now? Even though you thought you were going against all logic, it just felt so right. Maybe you wanted him to go further. You felt his hand come up your sides. You wanted him to reach up your shirt. Instead, he got you by your shoulders and gently pushed you back.

“You should sleep. It’s been a long night. I’ll bring you water.” Before you could protest he got off the bed and left the room, leaving you hot and bothered alone. When he came back with a glass of water you tried to make eye contact with him. You wanted to talk to him, to apologize for whatever way you overstepped. You started to speak but he cut you off, “Rest up, we got a date tomorrow.”

You awoke to him, Danny, bringing in bags of clothes, your clothes. "What are you doing?" You rubbed the sleep from your eyes as you pulled yourself out of bed.

"I want you to wear something nice, but I wasn't about to chauffer you back and forth to let you get ready. There's a bag in there with your bathroom stuff. Makeup, soaps, perfume, stuff."

You walked over to him and sat down by the bags, rummaging through their contents. "Where? You just dumped them into a garbage bag?" It would've been a thoughtful gesture, but your things had been transported like he was evacuating for a hurricane.

"Oh I'm sorry, princess. I should've taken my time, packed 'em with care, maybe say hi to your neighbors while I load up your precious cargo?" You shot him a look. You were annoyed at him, but in the end grateful. He's bringing you your things. He's not planning on killing you anytime soon. You are still alive, and you were grateful.

The little miffed expression she put on gave way to a soft look in her eyes. "Thank you. I really do appreciate it."

Danny gave her a little smirk. "Yeah well, you can thank me later." He winked which caused a slight blush to rise in her cheeks.

"What are we going to do anyway?"

Eager aren't we. "I'm not ruining the surprise, sweet cheeks. Have a little patience, pick out a nice dress." Danny went for the door. "Breakfast is ready."

She looked surprised. "There's a kitchen?" Danny raised an eyebrow at her.

"This isn't a shack, babe. You don't have to shit in the woods either."

She scoffed, "Well how was I supposed to know? I haven't left this room." Danny opened the bedroom door with a flourish and extended his hand out graciously, inviting her to take it.

"Then let me give you the grand tour." Her face lit up. She hurried to her feet to take his hand.

"Oh, why thank you, sir." Oh? I think I like that. Sir.

You wrapped your arm around his upper arm as he guided you through the rest of the moderately sized cabin. It had no frills. Aside from the bedroom and the small bathroom connected to it, the rest of the cabin was laid out in a single room, an open floorplan. There was a small kitchenette on the far wall, the back door sitting next to it. There was a little breakfast nook in the upper left corner of the room. The sunlight peeking through made the scene look dreamy. There was an old, worn-in couch by the front door, facing the breakfast nook. A large bookshelf sat perpendicular to the couch. It was filled to the brim and stacked in the gaps between the shelves and the books as well. A dark rug pulling together the cozy little spot. There was not much else in terms of decoration. A few gardening tools hung near the back door. A simple coat rack stood by the front. Danny walked a bit ahead of you to stand in the center of the room. He extended his arms out at his sides, a showman.

"Well, this is it. What'd ya think?"

Danny didn't expect her to look so impressed. He might as well had shown her the Taj Mahal.

"Wow. You know, I've never been in a cabin. But they always looked so cozy. You said your grandpa lived here?" She walked right by him to his bookshelf, tilting her head as she eyed the titles.

"Yeah, he was a bit of a hermit, hated most people except for my mom and me." She was looking at him now.

"What about your dad?" Danny wanted to talk about something else now.

"They didn't really mesh." Danny remembered begging his mother to let him stay past the summer. "No, Danny you have to go back to school." his mother had reminded him, dragging him back to the car. If he couldn't get her to see reason he could make it as difficult as possible for her to get him in the car. He made himself go dead weight. "I don't wanna go! I don't need to go to school, poppy said he learned at home and not school!" His mother looked exasperated at the sky. "Poppy is from a different time. He learned at home because his parents were very strict." Danny pouted up at her. "Dad is very strict, so I should learn here." He kicked at the ground while his mother tried to hoist him up. "Daniel. Enough." Danny's mother sat at his level. "Sweetie please, if we're late back your father will want to know why." She didn't need to say more. Danny peeled himself off the ground with a groan. His mother brushed the leaves from his back. He hated having to leave. He didn't know it yet, but it would be the last time he was allowed to visit poppy's cabin. Last time he'd see it again until he learned that he had passed and left the cabin to him the year he turned nineteen.

You felt the air had shifted in the room. The change was almost imperceptible, but you noticed the way his jaw tightened ever so slightly. He was there with you, a tight smile on his lips, and he was somewhere unreachable. Unaware, you granted him mercy.

"So when did you make it your own?" He snapped back into reality. Back to you.

"Not until I came back from the military. Only place to come back to really. No rent so, it was just convenient." This took you by surprise.

"You were in the military? How long?"

He sucked in his teeth a bit, "A stint after high school. Paid for college." You eyed him, squinting.

"So where are your dog tags? Don't you get those?" Danny exhaled sharply through his nose.

"They're somewhere, not here. Not about to traipse around with a chain that has my government name. That'd be a goldmine for detectives." You rolled your eyes.

"So you never wear them." He looked at you with a cocked eyebrow.

"No. I don't. But it seems like you're real interested in them, so if you wanna see them dangle on your tits when we fuck, I can make an exception." You slapped his arm playfully.

"That is not why I was asking. I just thought they were a big deal." Danny went to get the percolator off the stove.

"Not for a man like me." He looked at you again, a devilish smile playing on his lips.

After your breakfast, Danny showed you the back of the cabin. A patch of worn out ground made a small back patio. Danny sat you on a log stool.

"Ok wait here, I'll be right back." He hadn't told you why he wanted to show you the outside. You had figured, being captive and all, the outside wouldn't be a feature he'd like to advertise. You heard his bootsteps getting further away. You heard the sound of something heavy. Your head whipped around. He didn't say not to look. He was setting a short log onto another considerably large one. He was holding an axe. In a flash, he struck down, splitting the log with a small grunt. You saw the muscles in his arm tense. They were soft, almost hidden, built over the grueling physical labor of his work, his true profession. He lazily discarded one half to the side. The ease of his movements made your insides flutter. The off white crew neck shirt he wore fit snug, tucked into his black pants. He split a half even further vertically and then once again horizontally. Sensing an audience he cocked his head to you and gave you a cheeky grin. He plucked the last two pieces in his hand, giving them a wiggle out to you.  He swiped the rest of the pieces off the large log with his axe before burying the blade into the wood. He sauntered over to you.

"Enjoyed the show, did ya?" He tossed one half to you. You catch it awkwardly midair.

"I wasn't looking- like that. And anyway, you didn't say I couldn't!" You could feel the heat creeping up your neck.

"Sounding a little defensive there. Don't ya think, bunny?" You scoffed, too hard you were realizing.

"I'm not defensive! I can't be defensive, there's nothing to be defensive about." You felt stung with shame.

"Hey, I'm not trying to make you feel guilty about liking what you see." He winked.

"Ok, well if this is what your lessons are going to be like, I'll pass." You went up to leave, but his hand gripped your shoulder. It wasn't harsh, but it was unshakable.

"Wait." You stared at your shoes. You couldn't meet his eyes. He tipped up your chin. "C'mon baby, I'm just teasin'."

Just show her how to work the knife. Danny pulled a small folding knife from his pocket and presented it to the girl. She just stared at it before he made mocking little growling noise while crawling the knife through the air towards her. She looked appalled up at him. He snickered.

“Oh come on. It’s not gonna bite you.” Her hand reached up timidly to pick up the knife. She held it elegantly, but unsure. Danny grabbed the knife by the blade and pulled it out of her hand in a blink of a moment. “I shouldn’t be able to do that.” Danny said flatly at her. He exhaled sharply, pointing the handle out to her. She grabbed the knife, but he held onto the blade when she tried to pull it back. She pulled a little harder, he held a little tighter. The knife hung suspended, unmoving. “That’s the grip I want you to have.” He remarked before letting go. She wordlessly adjusted her grip. Better. “Alright,” he pulled his own small knife from his pocket, “hold the wood you carve with the same grip. You slip, you slice a finger, my first aid does the best it can.” Her eyes went wide again. “Babe, you’re working with knives, you’re going to have to get comfortable with a small amount of danger. The risk for the reward.” She let out a steady exhale. The morning sun illuminating her in a halo of light. She was adjusting her grip. The curve of her neck sloping down to her shoulders invited his eyes to scan further.  Following the soft turns of her body he looked down at the curve of her breasts peeking from the top of her tank top. He swallowed. “Ok, so you see how I hold it against the would here? You’re gonna apply steady pressure-” Danny was making a slow glide into a corner of the wood when she cut him off.

“How will I know that I’m carving out a right amount for the bunny?” Danny looked at her, amused.

“Slow down, Michelangelo. You crawl before you walk. I said I’d teach you the basics. You don’t even know how to hold the knife without shaking, so let’s tackle the things in our skill set first.” She looked back at him, her eyebrows beginning to furrow. “Don’t pout at me. I could be teaching you my old man’s way. Could tell you I wanna come back to a job done right and leave you here to figure it out.” She looked stung, but she also gave him a look he couldn’t quite decode. Not sadness, maybe recognition. Either way, lost on Danny.

Danny had a boy’s confidence and the power of a man’s body. He wore his exterior well. Proud, sure of himself. He knows exactly where he falls on the food chain. He knows what to say without thinking. He sleeps easy knowing he will never be prey. Not anymore. His features looked stern. Tired. Frustrated with you. You felt a needy pit growing in the center of your chest. You wanted him to look at you fondly, proud. You tried to make a cut, smooth and confident into the wood. Danny’s knife had glided through the wood piece like butter, with a soft grinding sound. Your blade dug into the wood at a harsh angle, stuck. You looked back up at him, nervous.

“It got stuck, I’m sorry I don’t know how- I tried to do it like you did, but you made it look so easy and-” he cut off your appeal.

“Alright alright.” He tossed his chunk of wood out to the pile by the cabin and popped the knife into his pocket. “Before you start cryin’, I was expecting that for your first cut. It’s fine. Look, I’m gonna show you.” He walked behind you, leaned over and held your hands in his. You felt his breath, hot, kissing a small patch of your temple. You felt your face go fuzzy. He was working your hands like a doll. He moved you right where you needed to be. He knew exactly what you needed. Where you needed more pressure, and where you need a softer touch. He had capable hands. Capable of brutality and ecstasy with the same feverish intensity. You smelled the hint of coffee on his breath. It mixed with the warm leather musk of his skin and the cigarette he had after breakfast. You leaned back ever so slightly into his chest. You didn’t just let him play with your arms. You moved within his movements with your own force behind them. You trusted his direction, in the knowledge of his hands. You put your trust directly in his hands. His lips grazed the shell of your ear. A voice low, admiring “Good job. You’re on your way, bunny.” As soon as the words hit the inside of your brain it triggered a craving. You wanted him to sing your praises. You wanted to make him happy.

Danny pressed his thumbs onto the tops of your own. The one supporting the knife applied a little more pressure. Your cuts were becoming more confident and smooth. He loosened the pressure so that his hands merely shadowed your own. It allowed you to show him what you learned, without the push of his hand. You heard him hum approvingly as you knife cut smoothly through the wood. You felt the gentle rumble pass through his chest and into your back. It trickled down between your legs.

"There you go. That's very good. See what happens when you listen to me?" He abruptly pulled away leaving you feeling exposed. You wanted his warmth on your back again, arms grazing yours. He seemed to notice. "Don't look so disappointed. You don't need me hovering over you. Besides, I have to get some things ready for tonight. I'll be gone most of the day. Stay inside, don't make a mess." You felt as though you had been emptied. He was leaving you here. You aren't sure why you expected him to take you where he went. You wanted to go with him.

"What do I do?" He gave a wide grin that pushed at his tired eyes.

"C'mon. you don't need me to tell you that. Carve some shit, or read, or fold your clothes, I don't know. Fill up the time until I need you ready at eight." He was already halfway in the door. You followed him, still clutching the oblong carved wood and knife. When you neared him he whipped around and caught your wrist how a lizard would catch a fly. Instant, instinctual. He held the fist that held the knife up to his face and plucked the knife from your hand.

"Actually, I'm taking this. I don't want you getting any ideas." He turned and continued walking without waiting for a response. You quickened your pace to follow after him.

"What did you think I was going to do?" It was accusatory. He held you captive in the middle of the woods and you were hurt that he didn't trust you. You wanted to laugh, maybe it would cover up the sting.

"Oh please, don't act innocent. Leaving a weapon behind for the girl I'm keeping? What kinda man do you take me for?" He popped a cigarette in his mouth, lighting it. He spoke with the filter between his lips, "Besides you can play around with all of Daddy's knives while I'm around." You hated how he flirted with you as he put you back into your place. Back into the place where he wanted you. A doll in box.  He's almost out the front door. He blows a plume of smoke out through his nose and plucks the cigarette from his lips. He turns to you at the doorway, cupping your cheek with the hand holding the cigarette, "You know I've gotta supervise you to make sure these pretty hands don't get hurt." He picks up your other hand, holding it up to his lips to give your fingers a delicate kiss. He drops your hand like he had never held it, and turned to leave. Opening the door, he speaks to you without turning to face you. "If I come back and you're not here I will hunt you down these woods like the wild game that you are. I'll find you wherever you are, and I will drag you back here and gut you like a little bunny rabbit using the same knife I taught you with. Tell me you understand." He stood, eerily still. He could probably hear how hard you swallowed and how unsteady your breath sounded.

"I understand, Danny." You saw him straighten a bit.

"Good." He locked the door behind him. You heard his car start up and pull away.

[thesixthh0ekage]

i want to get better at taking pictures of things and documenting them not even for social media (because i rarely post pics and things like that anyway) but just for my own memories cause i am a cool person most of the time and i wanna remember myself at this age and going through these changes 

[aquarianlights]

I hope I'm not being rude by asking you this, but wouldn't you feel dysphoric wearing a wedding gown? I know people should be able to wear what they want regardless of their gender, but you can't deny that a wedding dress is as girly as it gets. One of my best friends is ftm trans* and he tells me, he feels very dysphoric wearing any type of "girly" clothes, so I'm very curious what's your perspective on that. Congrats on your engagement darling

OH WOW THIS ONE IS FROM YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARS AGO WHEN I WAS ENGAGED TO MY EX-FIANCE!!! Well, fuck me. How the hell did I miss this? Nonny probs doesn’t even remember sending this and probs doesn’t even remember my blog, but for the sake of answering…I will tell.

I have this weird thing that I really don’t like to talk about called DID (dissociative identity disorder, I think is what it stands for???). Meaning…I have other personalities living inside me. It’s a hard concept to grasp and only those who know me well and talk to me on the daily know my internal family and can tell very easily when someone switches out.

NORMALLY I wouldn’t talk about this because it’s a really embarrassing disorder and I hate when people know that I have it. Only the people I’m closest to know this about me. There’s a whole structure and rules in place to make sure no one on the outside figures it out, no matter who comes out, although…those people that have lived with me or spent a lot of time with me…can instantly see the change. My body language switches, my pupil dilation is different depending on the person, my voice changes, my personality changes…so many things. I say “my” as to not confuse people, but it would moreso be “our”. I just didn’t wanna confuse people. Ugh.

ANYWAYS

The reason I’m telling you this outright is because it answers the question.

When I was in that abusive relationship with my ex-fiance, he basically manipulated me into becoming the perfect woman for him. I went by a female name (Ezri), I wore many, many dresses…lots of high heels…lots of trendy things…and my voice was constantly lilted and high pitched…I even moved very stereotypically girly.

But you have to remember…Ezri is not me. I am…well, to be completely honest, I’m not even Riley. This hasn’t been Riley for a couple weeks. But only my closest circle knows this. I legit couldn’t fool them by pretending to be RiRi. xDD I’m far too different, not to mention…the dead giveaway is when you meet me in person…I’m REALLY FUCKING LOUD…Riley is softspoken. Amongst all the other things that indicate I am not Riley Vincent Roswell, that fact alone will instantly tell you that this is not Riley you’re talking to. LOLOL.

ANYWAYS

Ezri was created specifically because of my ex-fiance. She was catered to his every whim and desire. Other than her mental illnesses ruling over her and ruining a few things…she was molded into the perfect woman for him. The one that my ex-fiance met was Riley. Riley, a male, is the one who fell in love and met him in person. When they met in person, Ezri emerged (along with a little rather promiscuous surprise visit from Zoey). But the point is…Ezri, a cis female, was specifically made for him.

The entire time, Riley was struggling to escape. He felt trapped and dysphoric as all hell. We all pretty much did. But my ex-fiance was abusive in very unique ways…one of which being extreme manipulation. He manipulated me in quite a few ways…but the biggest one was turning me into the person he wanted most…and when Riley got little moments to shine through to tell him that this was not what we all wanted and that this had to stop…my ex basically brushed him off like he was nothing/didn’t exist…despite the fact he KNEW I have DID. That had become apparent when he first met Riley, an asexual boy, and suddenly this body was on top of him, ready and willing to give him a blow job…and that was when he realized it wasn’t Riley he was talking to…it was Zoey. After seeing his reaction to Zoey…something inside of us had a desire to make the perfect person. Out popped Ezri. We STILL don’t really know where Ezri came from, entirely. Normally it takes quite a while for a new personality to develop. I’m talking years, people!! But, nah, fam…Ezzy just popped outta mothafuckin’ nowhere and rolled with it.

But every time my ex introduced Ezri as a girl to his parents, or she heard the words “she/her” referenced to herself, she would get EXTREMELY uncomfortable and it would trigger the everloving fuck outta her. I never use the word “trigger” except in a satirical way, but I’m actually using it in a literal way this time. WOO.

It’s…it’s such a long, long, long story of how our ex brainwashed her completely and suppressed every desire she had to be a male…like the vast majority of us that are present and past.

THAT is why one day…”Ezri” snapped. Although…what we hadn’t figured out at the time was that Riley was back in control and had pushed Ezri under, never to be seen again. The dysphoria was too much. It ate him alive. He snapped like a fucking twig. And, well, you guys should know the rest. :p (Grabbing Echo, running out to the car, getting all our things ripped out of our hands, drove off with ex still holding the car door, drove off with nothing with us, didn’t know where we were going…long fight…lots of crying and screaming…lots of angry text messages…Y’KNOW! THE THING!)

Yehhhh…so tl;dr: Ezri was made solely for ex and really wasn’t ever real. She never existed because she was pushed out too quickly and wasn’t fully developed. She didn’t know what she wanted. But there were hints of dysphoria in her, as well. But she was so caught up in the wedding bullshit that she wanted to try on allllllll the fancy dresses and shit. She had a thing for fashion…and dresses. She just wasn’t developed enough to realize she HAD dysphoria; But, nonetheless, we could all feel it very strongly in her, as well as ourselves.

SO YEH, FAM. Just wanted to clear all of that up. And it was kinda necessary to talk about the bullshit DID that we have. HAH. I really hate talking about it. :/

But UH cat’s outta the bag on me not being Riles. Lololol. Wonder who will figure it out first. ;D