#tacos in a jar
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Photo
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
when my MIL died, I decided that I needed to suck up my outrage at the gendered inequity of it and take it as my job to make sure my FIL and BIL would always get their Christmas stockings filled. It isn't hard and needn't be expensive (my theory is they should be filled with some fun candy and stuff you need anyway from the drug store or grocery store, like lip balm and hair ties and hand cream), but it seems like only moms ever go to the trouble. So while I've decided to willingly pick up the mantel despite my knee-jerk allergy to any task foisted on women, this is a
call to all Christmas-celebrating dudes: take a few minutes to fill some fucking stockings this year🎄
#christmas stocking#grown ups deserve fun and silly too#I don't like to buy useless crap so#other good choices are#gum or mints#socks#band aids (with characters obv)#gift cards if you are feeling spenny#hot sauce#a jar of spices#bath bombs#taco seasoning#their favorite coffee or tea#batteries#fidgets#post its#basically anything you use up
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Why did Taco Bell give me 13 fire sauces for three tacos?
1 note
·
View note
Photo
Cheese Dips and Spreads - Cream Cheese-Salsa Dip Serve this easy taco dip made with cream cheese and salsa with tortilla chips at your next party and watch your guests go crazy!
0 notes
Photo
Dips and Spreads Recipe At your next party, serve this simple taco dip with tortilla chips and watch your guests go wild! It's made with cream cheese and salsa.
0 notes
Photo
Recipe for Cream Cheese-Salsa Dip At your next party, serve this simple taco dip with tortilla chips and watch your guests go wild! It's made with cream cheese and salsa.
0 notes
Text
this tomatillo sauce from dos coyotes is so fucking good.
0 notes
Text
He is NOT him
#Blud doesn't know what he's talking about#who let him cook#bro is not okay#Bro is NOT himothy#That title belongs to my goat Danny phantom#what is bro yapping about#Bro's a true yappster#you couldn't find a better girl#You just got the ditzy airbag#is he stupid?#Bro's gotta sit his ass down#bleach#“nah I'd win” sounding ass like shut tf up#I shitted in a jar after eating taco bell last night#danny phantom#ghost rider#scott pilgrim#captain underpants#god usopp#FUCK I ran out of tags to put on here#Ok I got one more in me#I like big black oily men
85 notes
·
View notes
Text
i love going out with a group and being nuisances in a public place
#‘DREW I ACCIDENTALLY WON A BEEF BURRITO SUPREME WHAT DO I DO’ - robotics teammate 5 seconds ago#we are making fools of ourselves in this empty taco bell tonight#to compensate the poor service workers for the idiots we’re being#i’m just shoving more cash into the tip jar whenever we do something excessively stupid
1 note
·
View note
Text
the urge to growl and throw shit when you have a tantrum but being self conscious about acting out so you do it subtly like throw it a little bit. just toss it
#the ocdtism hit for dinner tonight#1. couldnt use the bathroom before i ate#2. outer layer of lettuce kind of yucky looking and was overall uncooperative#3. hurt myself trying to open a jar of salsa#still made and ate a whole taco despite these complucations!!!!!!!
1 note
·
View note
Note
I need Ireland to get into a competition so we can see more of these idiots (affectionate) ❤️
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CnXXkGQJ6H0/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
im CRYING i literally love them troy parrott is the himbo we need in these trying times
#ALSO I CANT TELL IF FEMI IS WINDING HIM UP OR IF THEY SELL??? TACO SAUCE IN A JAR IN THE UK?????#crying thank u so much for sending me this i will cherish it forever#anon#ask#michael obafemi#troy parrott#nathan collins#ireland nt#faves
1 note
·
View note
Text
Club Rats and Cigarettes: Part I
Azriel x Modern Reader
Summary: When Azriel stumbles into a new world with his brothers, the last thing he expects to find is a mate. But she has a hell of a way of making a first impression, and Azriel can't help but fall in love with someone who feels familiar in a strange world.
Warnings: Violence, mentions of drug use
Masterlist of Masterlists
Author's note: I had a thought. I wrote it. Here ya go!
Y/n leaned back against the motley wall covered in indie movie and band posters 10-layers deep. Humidity caused the paper to lift away from the brick, curling like steam off coffee before being frozen in place by the next slather of paste. Y/n felt the sharp, glue-soaked edges poke through the mesh of her shirt.
Looking left and right she saw a few stragglers heading towards the club — three girls huddled in fake-fur coats with freshly-shaved legs trembling in the October air, and a group of college boys dressed in the same jeans, sneakers, and pale collared shirts. They flickered in and out of the darkness as the streetlights hummed with the effort of keeping their failing bulbs alight. A handful of skeletal cars sat beside busted parking meters or half-hidden in the employee parking lots of the closed down street. During the day when the restaurants were open, inoffensive jazz battled it out with the reggaeton blaring from the trendy taco joint at the end of the block, and Kpop dancers pressed themselves against the screens posted by the corn dog restaurant’s windows, neon lights announcing that they were “OPEN!” But right now the neon was just another sad shade of grey. Even the sky’s colors were muted by packed clouds threatening rain.
Music shook the pavement, but it came up from the sub-basement club deep and muffled. Y/n felt its vibrations pass through the soles of her boots, up her stocking-clad legs, and into her chest where her heart rumbled like a car without a muffler.
A flash of flame revealed her glitter-coated cheeks and cobalt-blue eyeshadow. The color slipped and slid across her skin still tacky from club sweat until it was a pale wash of blue extending up to her temples and down to her cheekbones. A cloud of smoke covered her soon after as she lit her cigarette between nail-bitten fingers. A fresh coat of black polish glittered like stones, already chipping towards the tips. Menthol crisp bled into her lungs along with a breath of cold air perfumed with car exhaust and day old restaurant grease. She licked her lips and found that she did not mind the taste of lip gloss, mint, and char.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw a boy with salt-white hair and shy, bent shoulders slink over to her trying to make himself as small as possible. “Can I bum a cigarette?” He asked, shockingly polite despite the black band t-shirt that read “Anarchy now!” and the careful spikes gelled into his hair and tipped green and black.
Y/n wordlessly held out her pack and he plucked one out before hesitantly reaching for a second. She held out her lighter next and soon there were two plumes of smoke wafting into the air as music faded in and out with each body that passed through the rusted paint doors. Drunk giggles followed voices hoarse with drink and screaming. Heels clicked down the street, some heavy as a bass drum and others high and piercing like castanets.
A quick flash of lightning splintered over the sky, followed seconds later by a dull crash like furniture toppling over.
“One mile,” The boy said, leaning over. He smelled like bleach, aftershave, and surprisingly, cherries. The overly sweet ones that came out of a jar and decorated the tops of ice cream sundaes.
“What?”
“You can count how far away lightning is from the thunder. Every five seconds between lightning and thunder is one mile.”
Another flash painted the sky purple followed shortly by crumbled eruptions of noise.
“That one was close by.”
Y/n took one last drag before putting out her cigarette on the wall. The paper smoldered and was scarred black, but never burned. “Guess that’s my cue to go back inside then.”
The boy nodded, smiling and looking her up and down a little too closely. Then his eyes sharpened, red-rimmed and squinting, as he glared into the street beyond her.
“Do you see that?”
Y/n twirled around on her heels, staring down the street to where it ended in shadow. It looked… darker than it should, although she couldn’t explain why. Like she stood before the throat of an animal. The darkness seemed to pulse and writhe, muscles clenching down on invisible meat. Then she felt stupid for having listened to him at all.
“Don’t fuck with me,” she growled, pushing the salt-haired boy aside and slipping back inside the club.
The music and heady scent of perfumes, cologne, and sweat punched her in the face, and she remembered why she’d chosen to stumble outside to begin with.
She moved in between bodies sparkling like disco balls, stealing body glitter as she went. She felt the tiny particles stick to her skin, tacky with sweat. Someone’s hand brushed against her wrist, but she swatted them off, pressing forward in search of her friends. She didn’t trust them to stay still, not in a place like this, nor did she trust them to check their phones, so she just kept searching the packed dance floor. Raised platforms crowded with plastic couches and spray painted tables hit her at eye level, but none of the platform heels and combat boots looked familiar. She thought a head of red corkscrews might have belonged to Cecelia, but it was only the changing lights reflecting off bleach blond hair.
She dipped into the corner where a line of scantily clad girls with lanky legs waited for the bathroom. Ducking beneath the overhead speakers helped dull the noise, and if she climbed up two rungs of the barrier surrounding the DJ’s booth like a fighting ring, she could make out more of the crowd. Four stationary spotlights lit up the corners of the club pulsing red, blue, pink, and purple. A man in leopard print briefs was climbing onto one of the poles there, shredding his policeman’s shirt down the center as a woman in a zebra-print coat eagerly shoved a handful of dollar bills into his underwear. A drag king had his hot pink fedora knocked off by a drunk college student stumbling towards the bathrooms with a hand over his mouth. All over there were faint pinpricks of light followed by subtle releases of vape pen air, adding hints of watermelon and strawberry to the air.
It was because she stood half-hanging off the DJ’s booth that she caught sight of the three men that entered one after another like the mob. Dressed in all black, they were better suited for a funeral than a club, save for one thing… their wings.
Y/n blinked in confusion. There had been flyers hung up around the library and grocery stores about some anime convention being held in the city, but this place was a little out of the way for hardcore cosplayers. The most severe looking of the three lifted his nose to the air, then stumbled back in shock. As the strobe lights passed over his awe-struck expression, Y/n caught the glint of knives sheathed across his chest and at his side.
Fuck. She looked up to the booth, but the DJ and the guys in ripped t-shirts bobbing their heads around him didn’t seem to notice.
“Hey!” She dropped back onto the floor and tapped the shoulder of a barrel-chested man with the word “security” printed over his shirt in all caps. “I think those three guys brought knives in here.” She pointed in their general direction with one chipped, black fingernail.
“The fuck?!” He gently pushed her aside, shouting something into his earpiece as he shoved his way into the crowd. People took a second to read the sign on his shirt before parting to make way for him. One guy with bright pink hair and studded lips even tried to kiss him on the cheek as he passed.
Suddenly, this corner of the club didn’t seem so safe anymore. There was a splash of pale light on the floor as a bottle girl in a black leather catsuit slipped out of the kitchens. She swayed her hips back and forth, a bottle of tequila swishing in its frost-rimmed bottle against her hip. She moved up the stairs to the platform where a private bachelor party was going on, heels clicking like beetle wings rubbing together. Y/n slipped into the shadows closer to the kitchens and waited for someone — anyone — to answer the text she’d typed out with shaky fingers.
Azriel had never heard music like this before. He didn’t even know such a sound could exist. Someone had weaponized the bass tones so it felt like a punch to the gut. A male’s deep voice, grainy and harsh, was indistinguishable from the crashing of cymbals and a strange, high clang that skittered over steady drums like a stone over water. Through layers of sound he could just make out the soft sighs of a female as she tried to tie the chaos together with her voice.
All around him were sweaty humans decorated in shiny, colorful clothes that sparkled as they spun and jerked about. He stood a head above most, although every so often a male or female in eight-inch heels would pass by at eye level, looking him up and down like he was a meal and they were starving.
“Hey there handsome.” Someone had found the courage to slink up to Cassian’s side — a male with pupils blown open wide enough to swallow his pale blue irises. There was alcohol on his breath and something else, something sweet and bitter at the same time. The human male smiled, teeth white and straight. Azriel had never seen a human with teeth so perfect. He was handsome — wiry and slim with a flush to his cheeks that accentuated the smattering of freckles across his tan skin. “Did you come here alone?” Rhysand and Azriel’s presence did not seem to deter him. “Did you want to leave here alone?”
Cassian sputtered in surprise. He’d never been propositioned by a male, let alone a human one.
“I’m-I’m a mated male.”
The male raised his brow, taking full stock of the skin-tight leathers Cassian wore. He took a deep drag of an oddly shaped pipe that lit up in the dark. “Ok. If that’s what you’re into.” A cloud of smoke spilled from his mouth — the source of the sweet and bitter smell on his lips. His eyes slid over to Rhysand, who only smirked and stuck a hand into his pocket. “And you? It doesn’t look like you’re into the leather stuff.” Then he seemed to reconsider what he’d said, looking between Cassian, Rhys, and Azriel like he’d figured out the final piece of the puzzle. He blinked in surprise, tipped back his head, and laughed. He was still laughing as he turned and walked away into the crowd.
“What the hell was that?” Cassian asked. Azriel shrugged, shaking his head.
“It’s a strange place we’ve landed in,” Rhysand remarked, although the comment was unnecessary. “I expect the strangeness touches everything here. Even the people.” He marveled at the scene before him. The only comparable place in Prythian was Rita’s, but even that paled in comparison to the sight before him.
Rita’s was a pleasure house with music and drinks to spare, but everything here was… more. The music was louder, the smells an assault to the senses, and the lights changed every second and made the dancers flicker in and out of existence. Even the people seemed to have more substance to them, more color.
Azriel loved it.
He loved the uneven floors that sucked at the bottoms of his shoes, the pulsing lights that made his eyes swim, and the sound blaring in his ears that drowned out all other thoughts. And something in the air smelled crisp and sweet to him, despite all the other competing scents that had Cassian and Rhysand wrinkling their nose in distaste.
He strained his neck to catch better hold of the scent. His shadows clung to his body like children, hiding in the folds of his leathers. This world was not made for them, and they worried that if they strayed too far they would be left behind.
Amren had warned them that this world was different, that its magic was different. But she hadn’t been here in thousands upon thousands of years. Who was to say what had changed in her absence and what had stayed the same?
Get in. Find what you need. Get out. Had been Nesta’s command before strumming The Harp. That’s how the three brothers had found themselves at the end of a narrow lane with boxes of metal and brick on either side. The club had been a logical next step — it was the only establishment that still whispered of life in the otherwise dead neighborhood.
One shadow dared to explore the club, slipping past a broad-shouldered man with a scowling face and sniffing at half-full glasses of liquor with bright umbrellas laying against their salt-coated rims. Then it had caught sight of something that had it scurrying back to its master.
Mate. The lone shadow hissed into Azriel’s ear. Mate.
Azriel’s fluttering bird heart dove into his stomach, carrying with it all reason and restraint. There was no possible way… no. No? Right?
Az? Rhysand steadied his brother as he stumbled back.
She’s here? Azriel breathed. If it weren’t for his powers, Rhysand would never have heard the soft sigh escape Azriel’s lips as he searched the crowd desperately. Azriel tipped his head back, breathing in the comforting scent that held new meaning. My mate. She’s here.
What?!
Azriel ignored Rhys and dove into the crowd, head swiveling this way and that as he tried to find a familiar face he’d never seen before.
Az! Wait! But his brother was gone, and the crowd closed over the empty space he’d left behind like a healing wound.
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Rhysand cursed.
“Hey man! Where did you get your wings? They’re fucking awesome!” A plump male with cornflower blue hair and matching eyeliner piped up from behind Cassian’s back. Cassian whirled around in anger, feeling the ghost of a finger slide down his spine. No one touched his wings without his say. No one.
The male startled back in fear. Upon seeing Cassian at his full height, he cowered against the wall, clutching a crinkled red cup against his chest. Cassian blinked in surprise. The male was wearing a black and white dress, the starched apron and collar crisp and clean.
“Someone call the police. Now!” Someone hissed behind him.
“What seems to be the problem?” Rhysand spoke coolly. At the moment Cassian turned back to Rhysand, the maiden-male scuttled away and upstairs into the cold night. Rhysand examined his fingernails, an action that had the guard’s ruddy face turning white as he saw they were armed to the teeth.
The male’s arms hung loose and ready at his sides like two boulders, fists opening and closing slowly. “You guys need to leave. And before you say anything — I don’t give a shit if those weapons are fake or part of some Halloween costume, you can not bring them here.”
“What fool would carry fake weapons?” Cassian asked seriously.
The male’s face lost even more color. “Out. Now.”
“There’s no need for—” Rhysand’s brows shot towards his hairline, violet eyes flickering up like a cat’s. Cassian, I can’t control him.
His brother’s eyes widened. What do you mean?
His mind — I can’t get into it.
He’s only human!
Clearly.
The male moved forward then to grab at the knife hanging from Cassian’s side and on instinct, Cassian swung. His fist met the corner of the male’s jaw cleanly and he sank like a stone, crumbling to the floor.
A female with glowing white lips nearby let out a strangled shriek, twisting her ankle as she grabbed her friend and sprinted towards the glowing red exit sign. All around her people began taking notice of the guard’s dark shape on the black floor and the two males that hovered over him, knives sparkling in the ever changing lights.
I had hoped that the humans would not notice, Cassian explained. More alarmed cries erupted around them. He leaned down, carefully checking the male’s pulse. He was still alive, just knocked out cold.
The music dimmed and then went out completely leaving an empty hole in the air that blew against the back of Cassian’s neck. Overhead lights turned on shortly after, burning with a fluorescence that had everyone hissing in pain.
Things looked much better in the dark. In the dark no one noticed the sticky stains littering the floor, or the gum wrappers, and plastic straws, and crushed cups; the dusty strobe lights and haphazard paint jobs that left the walls bubbling with air pockets. They were also less likely to notice the three fae in their midst — 6-foot-everything and looking like they stepped out of the world’s most expensive LARPing tournament. It didn’t help that Cassian was kneeling over the man he just rendered unconscious.
Confusion led to confused panicking, and then plain panic as people began pushing towards the exits in droves.
I think they noticed. Rhysand looked over the crowd as they fluttered around him, but try as he might, he couldn’t enter anyone’s minds. Not even one. He didn’t like the oily vulnerability that followed, naked and unnerving.
Cassian slung the unconscious male over his shoulder before he could be trampled beneath pairs of dusty white sneakers and stripper heels. Then it would seem it’s time for us to leave.
Where are you? Azriel cursed at no god in particular. He didn’t know which of them existed in this realm, if any did at all.
This way. His shadows whispered, urging him towards the back corner of the club.
A battered door swung open and shut to the rhythms of females in skintight leather carrying chilled bottles in their hands. Thousands of signatures had been scrawled against the door in neon paint, and Azriel watched one of the females sign her name — Ava — in bright orange before kissing the door and slipping inside to grab another bottle.
Just to the right of the door stood another female in ripped stockings. Bright blue glitter painted her eyes and cheeks. She bounced back and forth on the balls of her feet, playing with a hole in her sleeve as she held a shiny black box up to her ear.
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU ALREADY LEFT?! I’M THE DESIGNATED DRIVER!” She yelled into the box. Her eyes kept shifting over the club. Her lipstick, already blurred from time and dancing, smeared further as she bit her lip. A swipe of her sleeve on her cheek left a faint trail of plum-colored lipstick. She slammed her finger down on the box and for one moment, the glow it let off shot across her eyes. She looked close to tears.
Azriel froze, feeling a pressure in his chest tighten and then burst apart. He felt her fear — her anger at being abandoned by her so-called friends. It was more overwhelming than the music. If it weren’t for the thin crowd of strangers in front of him blocking his path, he might have dropped to his knees and crawled to her.
Mate. The bond sang in his chest. Mate.
Screams broke through the music, high and panicked, and the magic of the moment crashed all around him. The darkness broke, harsh white light colliding with them and rendering the glitters and colors the humans adorned pale and lifeless. But not his mate. She sparkled brighter in the resulting chaos, eyes narrowing in a dare as she caught Azriel staring. She was a prey animal ready to bolt. A worm preparing to turn and reveal its teeth.
Sharp cracks of plastic on linoleum rattled the ground as leather-clad women sprinted for the kitchen door brandishing empty bottles like weapons. Y/n raced after them.
The door flapped shut behind her before Azriel had the sense to move his feet and follow, calling out, “Wait! Please!”
He was doing this very poorly. He knew better than to chase a female like this. Sickness twisted in his stomach as he slammed into metal doors and ran through hallways crowded with glass bottles, aluminum cans, and wrinkly lemons stacked precariously in wooden crates.
To your right. A shadow whispered in his ear.
Azriel slid to a stop in front of a heavy metal door, its edges frosted over with cold.
It locks from the outside.
Azriel ripped the door off its hinges and was blasted in the face by a wave of cold. Frigid air curled out of the edges of the room and slithered over the floor like smoke. A young female in a pink tutu yelped in surprise and dove for the corner of the room, hiding behind racks of beer bottles. It wasn’t his mate.
She was just a frightened female who’d hidden in the fridge, not knowing she was trapping herself in the process.
“Here.” Azriel said, quickly ripping a coat off the wall hook and tossing it towards her. She reached for it with shaking hands and lips, mumbling out a confused “Thank you?” as Azriel turned and hurried away. The door was no more. She could walk out of the freezer whenever she pleased now.
Azriel chased after his mate’s scent, stumbling through grey, blank hallways that belonged to the insurance company next door. He strained his ears to hear the tell-tale pounding of her boots, but came up empty. A dull red light told Azriel to “EXIT” as he pushed against a door groaning from rust and disuse.
He was outside once again, breathing in car exhaust and restaurant refuse.
And something sweet.
He heard the rush of air a second too late.
A bottle slammed into the side of his face, cracking and cutting his skin. Tequila washed over the wounds. It burned like a bitch.
Azriel didn’t let out a groan of pain, but he did stumble, landing on his right knee with a twinge of soreness.
The female — his mate — stared at him in horror as blood began to pool at his temple and drip down the line of his jaw. She held the shattered neck of the bottle in her hands. Her shoes were gone, toes curling against the pavement with cold.
Gods, she was beautiful.
Cassian was a blur of movement, knocking the bottle out of her hand and wrapping his arms around her arms. She screamed, squatting down before shooting back up and locking her knees. The top of her head slammed into Cassian’s nose. A brutal, bloody crack had Cassian stumbling back, gripping his nose.
“FUCK!” He swore.
She whipped around and sprayed a mist in his eyes that had him cursing like a madman and slapping the palms of his hands over his eyes.
“FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!”
Rhysand stepped forward and cornered her against the wall. Violet eyes glittered with something bordering fury and amusement.
“No.” Azriel moved between Rhys and his mate before she could spray him too. “No one touches her.”
Rhys backed up immediately. This is her?
It’s her.
He could hear her heartbeat quicker than a rabbit as she flattened herself against the wall, holding her spray out in warning. Cassian moaned in annoyance, wiping the tears that kept leaking out of his eyes.
I do not like the humans in this world. Cassian complained, sniffling. Even his nose burned.
As if Nesta wouldn’t have done this given the chance. Rhysand said.
…I see your point. Cassian muttered.
Be careful around this one.
Because she’s a menace?
Rhysand smirked, flicking dust off the sleeve of his jacket. Because she’s Azriel’s mate.
Cassian straightened. His eyes darted back and forth between Rhysand, the blood dripping from Azriel’s head, and the human female.
Oh. Cassian thought, suddenly embarrassed. We have… not made a good first impression.
You think?! Azriel all but growled.
Her fight or flight response was running out — her energy draining. She could feel it in her leaden limbs and the faint slowing of her heartbeat as the three men kept looking around like they were seeing each other for the first time.
And they kept looking at her in mixtures of shock, concern, and — surprisingly — affection.
What sick fuckery is this? She dug her fingernails into the brick, searching for cracks like she might be able to pull out a piece and throw it at them, or find some hidden portal through the wall and back into the safety of the inside.
Were they going to kidnap her? Was she about to be shoved into a bag and tossed into some dingy trunk? But then why the wings? It was too dark to see them in their entirety, but they looked meticulous and expensive and very memorable — not ideal for kidnapping. Was this a LARPING thing? Were they Satanists? Was that how this worked?
The one in front turned. The one she’d attacked with a bargain bottle of tequila. The blood had stopped flowing and darkened against his tan skin. Hazel eyes, bright and piercing as a copper penny, looked out from a face made of elegant, serious lines. His was not a face that smiled often, beautiful as it was. The burly, rugged one looked like he was made for laughing. Smile lines gently graced his cheeks and temples. But maybe those were scars. He sported many of them, like pale whiskers over his skin. The third was the most put together of the three. Instead of strange, leather armor, he wore a suit of velvet over something stiff and protective that hugged his trim waist and broad shoulders, and his eyes were violet, not hazel.
The elegant, unsmiling one coughed awkwardly, shifting to hide his wings. Shockingly, they slid closed behind his back, the movement so smooth it looked real.
“I am…” His voice was a deep, gentle caress. “I am so very sorry. I did not mean to frighten you as I did. Please, forgive me.” He was… alarmingly polite, and his accent was… pleasant, although impossible to place — all soft rolls of the tongue complimented by the rich timbre of his voice. “ Please.” He spoke the last word quietly, urgently.
Y/n said nothing. Her arm was beginning to get sore from holding out the bottle of pepper spray. Although, it can’t have been that effective if the rugged one was already recovered. Maybe it had expired without her realizing?
“My name is Azriel,” the man spoke again quickly and gently. Even his name sounded odd. “And this is Cassian—” He pointed to the burly one,“And Rhysand.” The last of the men tilted his head in a mock bow.
“A pleasure.” The violet-eyed one said. Rhysand’s voice was weighed down with sultry charm. He purred the words more than spoke them.
“Pleasure,” Cassian copied, gruff but kind.
Y/n remained silent. Somewhere in the distance, sirens wailed. The pretty one — Azriel — stepped forward and pulled out a sleek, small blade from the belt about his waist. Y/n was about to spray him in the face when he twisted the blade so that the handle faced her.
“This will do more damage than the little bottle you carry,” he promised. “I hope this will make you more trusting of me. I swear to do you no harm. I’ll even make a bargain, if it would make you trust me long enough to explain.” His wings twitched nervously and Y/n found she couldn’t draw her eyes away from them and how real they looked.
The three men kept looking at each other furtively. Conversations, complex and unknowable, hide in every twitch of their eyes.
“Speak out loud,” Azriel snarled at them finally. “You’re frightening her.”
Rhysand smiled apologetically at the female. “We need to leave. Now. You can hear the humans coming as well as I can.”
Y/n bristled at that, and a detached feeling of horror came over her. “Are you not… are you not human?”
Cassian gawked at her, speaking his wings out far and wide. “Do the humans of this world have wings?”
She sputtered to answer, fear giving way to curiosity. Azriel took advantage of that, moving close enough that he slid the blade into her hand. It was a cool, welcome weight against her hot, sweaty skin. Up close she saw he had freckles dotting the high corners of his cheeks and that his hair came alive with dark tendrils of smoke that wafted off his skin like steam. They wrapped around her and she heard their strange whispers in her ears like white noise.
“We’re not human. We’re not even from this world.” The sirens were only a block away now and Azriel swore beneath his breath. More of those dark tendrils shot out like shadows and dulled the noises of incoming fire trucks, cop cars, and EMTs. “I swear to you that I will explain more, but we must go. Please.” He took hold of her wrist, angling the blade he’d given her right beneath his last rib.
It was a dramatic declaration — if she wanted to kill him and run away, he would let her.
Y/n swallowed thickly, her mind thick with fog and the dying embers of adrenaline. “I—I parked a few blocks down that way. I can take us somewhere else.”
Azriel breathed a sigh of relief and she pulled away from him, taking with her any shred of comfort he’d felt since coming to this world.
Somehow they managed to walk the quarter of a mile to her car without being stopped once by another living soul. She suspected it had to do with the shadows that now poured off of Azriel’s skin and trailed after her. She could feel them licking at her heels like curious dogs… or blood thirsty wolves.
She gripped the knife tightly in her hand, stretching her fingers to wrap around the steering wheel as she drove through familiar roads on autopilot. Azriel watched her curiously as she stopped at a red light and clicked her blinker on.
None of the men looked comfortable squished into her tiny sedan, wings tucked in so tight they cramped. Cassian’s boot was stretched out on the center console, almost reaching the gear shift. Rhysand was hunched over in the back seat, pressing his forehead against the cool metal of the headrest in front of him to keep from getting sick.
“What is this cursed thing?” He grumbled, then promptly shut up when Y/n took them down a local road with craters that had them jolting and jerking for a mile. “This metal box… I do not like it.”
Azriel and Cassian ignored their brother. Az was too busy paying attention to his mate and politely explaining the complexity of their situation, and Cassian was too busy looking out the window at the houses that passed by. He could hear the unfamiliar hum of electricity like a dragonfly's wings.
By the time she pulled the sedan down a beaten road to a quiet, homely one-bedroom house, her mind was swimming with words and phrases she could barely string together — Koschei, fae, Illyrians, seers. It was worse than when she’d spent two all-nighters cramming for an exam in college fueled by nothing but Red Bull and desperation.
Before the keys were even out of the ignition, Rhysand was spilling out of the car and breathing in gasps of clean, woodsy air. Gravel crunched under his feet. Once this road had been paved, but time and weather had broken up the asphalt until only chunky black rocks remained. Green grass, not yet killed off by Autumn frost, grew in uneven tufts up to Y/n’s squat, brown-sided house, skirting around the makeshift garden in the backyard before disappearing into the woods beyond. Neighboring homes inched as close as they could to the main road, half-submerged in golden brown trees that trembled in the wind.
The porch steps creaked, flexing in the center like backs ready to break, but they’d recently been cleaned and painted over with a fresh coat of white. The front door had been given similar treatment, although it was painted green. A small Autumn wreath hung from a nail.
Y/n fumbled with the keys, fingers shaking and numb from the cold.
“Here,” Azriel murmured, gently taking them from her. His shadows could have unlocked the front door in less than a second, but he was in no mood to test his mate’s patience and understanding. The fact that she’d driven them to her home in the dead of night was testament to the uneasy trust she’d placed in them.
A disgruntled meow greeted them as they filed into the short and narrow entryway. Cassian bumped into the entry dresser with his wings and nearly jumped out of his skin when the dark monstrosity that sat by a ceramic dish full of rings hissed.
It was the fattest cat Cassian had ever seen.
Acidic yellow-green eyes narrowed at him, as if sensing his judgment, and the cat’s whiskers twitched along with its pink button nose.
“Jefferson, be nice.” Y/n reprimanded the cat, scooping up its rotund body into her arms. The cat swatted her shoulder once, then consented to being held. He did not like strangers in his house, even if they were Y/n’s guests. “This is Jefferson.” She looked behind her back to the rest of the house. “And this is my home.”
She busied herself preparing for her unexpected guests. She scoured the bathroom closet for spare toothbrushes, towels, and lotions, and pulled out the thickest blankets she could find. One person could sleep on the pull out couch, the other two would have to fight for the best spot on the floor.
Azriel watched her as she moved. It was not a large house — it was barely even a cottage — and it took his shadows a short time to familiarize themselves with your home.
A lumpy couch, wicker armchair, and coffee table made up the living room, tied together by a retro rug that may have once been white, but was now a respectable beige. Four mismatched chairs huddled around a scratched wooden table near the kitchen, one of which carried a stuffy cushion that held the imprint of Jefferson’s soft body.
The cat watched them from the kitchen counter with its piercing eyes, and did not seem at all concerned when a stray shadow wound around its tail.
Pathetic. All of them! Were the cat’s thoughts. Master will not like this.
His eyes did soften when Y/n returned from her bedroom, arms heavy with blankets and sheets and pillows. Azriel quickly relieved her of her burden, promising that they’d spent nights in worse conditions than a heated house with bedding and clean floors.
She seemed charmed by that and almost smiled. Almost.
“There’s leftovers in the fridge if you get hungry, and the bathroom’s by the front door. I’ve already put some toothbrushes and towels in there if you need them.”
“Thank you,” Azriel said softly, tilting his head in a faint bow. His brothers followed suit before busying themselves laying out blankets and pillows like they’d done this a thousand times before — which they had.
Y/n nodded curtly and swept a judgmental Jefferson into her arms before disappearing into her room. Azriel heard the lock click into place and the rummaging of drawers as she pulled out an extra can of pepper spray, a pair of scissors, and the three knives she’d taken from the kitchen. She bolted her windows and drew the curtains closed and even stuffed a towel into the space beneath her doors just in case.
She was meticulous and careful despite her generosity, and Azriel found himself smitten at her resourcefulness.
Stop thinking about her and go the fuck to sleep, Az. Cassian grumbled. He could feel the longing dripping off of Azriel’s shoulders. She’ll feel more comfortable if she knows we’re asleep.
How much would you like to bet she kills us in the night? Rhysand asked, and then seemed amused by the prospect of it.
I’d worry more about the cat. Cassian chuckled. Then he turned over onto his stomach and was out like a light. Centuries spent in war camp barracks and makeshift battlefield tents had taught him to steal sleep wherever and whenever he could.
Rhysand was quick to follow suit, although centuries as a High Lord had pampered him just a little.
Azriel stayed awake, waiting to hear your heartbeat and breathing slow to a comfortable pace. But it never happened. Not even as the sunlight trickled in and touched the light-bleached floors.
#azriel x reader#azriel x y/n#azriel shadowsinger#azriel x you#acotar fanfiction#acotar#have I ever gone clubbing like this?#no#but can I imagine it?#Yes!
457 notes
·
View notes
Text
y'all have to meet one of my most treasured possessions, who i got for $1 at a thift store, but is priceless in my heart. 1999 officially licensed star wars the phantom menace collectors drink cup exclusive to pizza hut, KFC, and taco bell:
important detail: his arms are posable. 360° jar jar action 24/7.
he was first christened Jar Jar Drinks, on account of being able to stick a straw through his skull and. drink. however, he tastes strongly carcinogenic and probably contains several types of plastic that have been banned since his manufacture in 1999.
so, when i was working food service and a good chunk of my income was from cash tips, i started stuffing a fat roll of cash inside him for safe keeping. he became known as Jar Jar Banks.
since i stopped living a life where i have large sums of cash money i need to squirrel away regularly, the name fell out of favor. but i still cherish him, and i knew he's destined to be filled with something someday.
well. i just realized i can hide my weed stash in his torso. so, without further ado, i would like to introduce you to this thrice-christened icon: Jar Jar Danks.
#charlie vs star wars#laugh tag#he's real and he can hurt you. seriously please don't drink out of him even plain water kind of tingles on the way down.#cc
4K notes
·
View notes
Note
Please write anything with Spencer Reid, hopefully fluff that turns into smut. I love your work 🫶🏻🫶🏻
"whip it into a cream." | spencer reid
taco truck x vb. - lana del rey
⊹₊⋆ synopsis: sweet, pretty, and filled with white cream...
fill out the taglist form! : @thirtyratsinasuit @auggiethecreator @oliviah-25 @sleepysongbirdsings @pleasantwitchgarden
female!reader x spencer
word count: 2.0k
contents: fluffy, baking cupcakes with spencer, unprotected p in v, creampie, very cringe-worthy joke at the end
“c’mon, spence! we’ll never get to put these in the oven if you eat all the batter.”
you take the spatula out of his grip as he slathers a small helping of red velvet cake batter on his tongue once again. he shakes his head, smiling as he licked the decadent mixture off his lips. “you’re one tough lady.”
you and spencer had made plans to go to the best restaurant in town tonight, but of course a thunderstorm had to hit the streets with raging lightning and roaring thunder. you were bummed, so much that you had gotten back into your pajamas and slumped down onto the couch, letting the evening waste away. but spencer wouldn’t let this storm rain on your parade. so he had come up with the brilliant idea of making your own sweet treat. he truly was a genius.
he got into flannel-print pajama pants that matched your pants, getting both of you into oversized hoodies as he picked you up and set you on the kitchen counter. he kissed you softly on the nose, staring at you intently with his big brown eyes and promising you the night of your life. then you two got straight to business.
you began carefully pouring the deep red batter into the small cupcake tins that each had a white cupcake wrapper inside of it. spencer stood behind you with a hand on your waist as he watched the oven reach the desired internal temperature, giving you a gentle squeeze as a signal. “let’s get these in the oven, baby.” you filled up the last tin, smearing away a stray drop with your thumb and licking off the residue.
you picked up the tray and spun around, handing it to him. he took it and carefully opened the oven, placing the filled tin inside with great care before shutting the oven. he sighed, putting his hands in the large pocket in the center of the hoodie. “and now we wait.” you looked around the kitchen, pouting slightly.
“we should probably start cleaning up this mess, huh?” spencer groaned softly, wrapping both his arms around you and letting his head nestle in the crook of your neck. “never thought i’d live to see the day that you of all people would want to clean.” you swatted him on the chest with a scoff, earning a laugh out of him. “...besides, we haven’t even gotten started on the icing yet.”
you eyes widened with realization. “right, let’s get to that while the cupcakes are in the oven.” spencer nodded, already two steps ahead of you as he dug into the pantry and pulled out all the ingredients in one trip. he set a jar of icing sugar, a stick of butter and a cup of milk on the counter, starting to combine the ingredients into a large bowl as you watched him in action. there was something so enticing about seeing a man in action, or maybe that was just the effect that spencer had always had on you. you were never able to tell.
you propped your elbows on the cold marble, grinning ever so slightly as you watched a sweet, fluffy cream come to life. he lifted up the coated spatula, holding it in front of you. “this look okay to you?” you squinted as you looked at it, frowning as you shook your head. spencer raises an eyebrow. “what’s wrong with it, baby?”
you pointed at something indistinctable in the icing on the spatula. he brought it centimeters away from his face, trying to find whatever could be wrong. then you pushed his hand upward, getting a white, gooey mess all over his nose. you burst into a laughing fit, spencer fighting back the grin that threatened to spread across his unamused expression.
he set the spatula back into his bowl, only managing to get a little of the frosting off his nose. he shook his head as you giggled profusely, taking you into his arms once again and sweeping you into a kiss, his nose rubbing against yours and distributing some icing in the process. he pulled away, gazing down at you through his eyelashes with a cheeky smile on his face. “well, it looks like we’re both iced now.”
you rolled you eyes, grinning as you got a wet cloth and cleaned the mess off of your face, passing it to him to do the same. he sloppily wiped his nose, only smudging the white cream in the process. you groaned, going on your tiptoes to reach his face. “geez, you just made it even worse, spence.” he picked you up by your thighs, setting your bottom on the counter. “why don’t you help me clean it off then..?” you used your thumbs to get the last bit off his face.
he opened his mouth, licking the frosting off your fingers and humming with approval. you smiled, caressing his face gently with your thumbs as you wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him in closer. his hands had a gentle grip on your bare thighs as his gaze went slightly hazy, like you were the only thing in the world right now.
your hands snaked around the back of his neck, slowly pulling him down to your level until you connected your lips in a leaden kiss, his jaw opening as his lips moved against yours. he hummed quietly into your mouth, head tilting against yours to get a better taste of you. the atmosphere sucked the both of you in whole, the warmth of the room and the sweet smelling aroma from the oven making your nerves stand on end.
spencer quickly got carried away, his tongue slipping into your mouth and exploring it. you gasped softly as he did so, a familiar tingle ringing in your core. your tongues fought a silent battle as spencer started to move against you, his hips rocking into yours as his heart raced in his chest.
he bit his lip, suppressing a groan that nearly slipped from his mouth. his eyes glanced down, seeing where your two bodies connected and the primal beast that had awakened in his pants. his cheeks immediately flushed red as his gaze ran up to your face, taking in your shiny, parted lips and dilated pupils. you wanted him, badly. and there was no denying the desire he had for you. so the only thing to do now was just go for it.
spencer’s hands travelled downward uptil they reached the maroon drawstring of his pajama pants, his shaky hands barely able to undo the simple bow that he had tied to keep them up. his breathing was heavy and shaky, matching yours as your pressed your legs together to stop the molten-lava that boiled inside of you. you were already soaking through your shorts. not wearing panties was an amateur mistake. who knew that you’d ever find yourself in a situation like this?
as spencer finally undid the know, his cock sprung out with a bead of precum rolling down the tip. you looked down at his manhood, taking in the 8-inches of pleasure that would soon be inside of you. you wrapped your hand around his girth, a sharp hiss escaping his lips as you stroked his slowly, smearing the precum down his length with your thumb.
he rocked his hips up and down, creating a little more speed and friction against his shaft. his eyes were locked on you, drinking you in like you were a drop of water from a precious fountain. his hands found your waist again, slipping underneath the waistband of your shorts, kneading your bare hips as his thumbs worked their way down to your wet core.
you lifted up your hips a little, pulling down your shorts and kicking them off, letting them lay lifeless on the linoleum floor. you ihaled a shaky breath as the cool air hit your wet pussy, your clit throbbing in response to the sensation. spencer was nearly as red and the batter the covered the bowl a few feet away from you.
he spread your leg apart a little further, slowly sinking down onto his knees until he was face to face with your dripping cunt. he looked at your hole, nearly drooling like a starved dog. he brought his mouth close to you, his hot breath warming up your insides. before digging in, he looked up at you, his voice dropping to a raspy octave. “can i..?” you nodded, sealing your eyes shut.
the feeling hit you like a brick. his tongue began to swirl across your wet pearl, his pink tongue slipping through your gooey folds. you were audibly soaked, the sound of his fingers slipping in and out of your tight hole filling the room, apart from your strained moans and whimpers. short grunts came from spencer as he pumped himself, his cock throbbing in response to his severe arousal.
his groans filled your body with waves of vibration, making you shiver as you rolled your hips against his tongue. “that’s it, baby… use me…” he managed to mutter through breathless gasps. you tossed your head back, his fingers hitting the tight bundle of nerves inside of you repeatedly.
spencer took his hand off of his dick, panting heavily as he rose back to his feet, desperately trying to recollect himself. if he had been down there for a second longer, he would’ve came without even getting to the main course yet. he lined up his pulsing rod with your cunt, teasing your entrance with his tip. you bit your lip, feeling more turned on by his teasing than anything else.
he grabbed your hips, starting to push himself in inch by inch at a time. you slurred out moans in unison, holding onto eachother for dear life until he completely stretched you out, your pussy swallowing him whole. he wasted no time thrusting into you, his hips slapping against your and sending recoils throughout your body.
your eyes rolled to the back of your head as he rubbed messy circles onto your clit, his hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. he swallowed hard, his cock coming into perfect contact with your cervix with every sloppy thrust. his balls slapped against the base of your hole. the stimulation became two much for you, your muscles twitching as you quickly fell into a state of overstimulation.
“s-spencer..! i-i, i’m gonna cum…” you choked out, your fingernails digging into the plush fabric of his hoodie. he buried his face in your neck, kissing it to hide the whimpers that spilled out from him. he fucked you at lightning speed, your bodies heating up like two stars reaching their supernova.
your nerves glowed as you felt yourself releasing all over him, your core buzzing with pleasure. as you convulsed around him, spencer shot hot ropes of hot cum into you, his muscles spasming as his eyes momentarily welled with tears. he pulled out of you with a gasp, stray drops of cum gathering at his tip.
he pulled you close to him, using you as a foundation as he hastily recollected himself. you hopped off the counter and in the nick of time, the timer dinged, signalling that the cupcakes were done.
you walked over to the oven, not bothering to put your shorts back on since the hoodie was long enough to hide to the cum that dripped down your inner thighs. you opened up the oven, grabbing an oven mitt and pulling out the cupcakes, the tops of them fluffy and rosy. your placed the tray on the counter that you had just been sitting on, spencer inhaling the sweet aroma.
he smiled, grabbing the bowl of icing, finally having the chance to add the finishing touches to the cupckaes. he took one last taste of the icing, now shaking his head with disapproval.
“the icing’s okay, i guess.” he pulled you closer to him, bringing his lips to your ear. “but you, my dear, definitely take the cake.”
author's note: bang bang kiss kiss.
#smut#fluff#spencer reid criminal minds#bau team#criminal minds fandom#dr spencer reid#spencer reid#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x you#spencer reid smut#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid x reader#doctor spencer reid#dr spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid x oc#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fandom#spencer reid fanart#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid series#spencer reid self insert#spencer reid angst#spencer reid au#spencer reid aesthetic#spencer reid art#spencer reid blurb#spencer reid comfort
535 notes
·
View notes
Note
👉👈 For the prompts, maybe something along a similar vein to Financially Irresponsible Tommy? Like, maybe Tommy refuses to write down a grocery list and just goes to the store and buys whatever he feels like, driving Buck insane?
A little off, because (technically) he did write a list 😂 enjoy!
“You bought six jars of spaghetti sauce?” Buck asked, staring at the pile of groceries laid out on the kitchen island.
Tommy smiled, very proud of himself. “They were buy one get one free.”
“Right. And you got six, because?”
“Because the guy restocking the shelves said the sale would end today. I don't know when they'll go back on sale, and you're always looking at the flyers that come in the mail to see the deals.” He picked up one of the jars. “This was a deal.”
Buck nodded. “I do love a good deal. It- It just seems like when you buy so many at once, it kind of adds up anyway. Plus, I've always made homemade sauce.”
Tommy began unloading the final bag. “I know you do, and it takes forever. This is going to save so much time, Evan.”
“You make a compelling argument.”
Buck continued looking everything over. Three cans of green beans, a family size bag of cinnamon cereal, baking chocolate, three different kinds of flour, two half gallons of milk, one very small can of beanie weenies, taco seasoning, and two 24 count cases of green, and only green, gatorade.
There was plenty more mixed in, but there was one glaring thing missing.
“Hey, Babe?”
Tommy turned from where he was standing at the pantry, putting away the six pack of canned split pea soup. “Mhm?”
“You didn't buy any pasta.”
“Why would I get pasta?” Tommy asked.
Buck closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “For the six jars of spaghetti sauce you bought.”
“You're not even eating pasta right now, Evan.”
Another deep breath. He should really start going to yoga. “Ignoring the fact you can get low carb pasta, why did you buy six jars of sauce if we're not eating pasta?”
“For when we do eat pasta,” Tommy replied as though it should be obvious.
Buck pushed himself away from the counter, walking closer to Tommy. “Tommy, Honey,” he started, bringing his hands to Tommy's face, “I love you, I really do, but this might be how I die for a second time.”
Tommy eyebrows furrowed. He wrapped his hands around Buck's wrists and pulled them back far enough to speak. “What are you talking about?”
“This,” he said, nodding back toward the groceries, “makes no sense to my brain. Have you ever made a grocery list before?”
“I had a grocery list!” he defended, letting go of Buck's wrists to pull the list from his back pocket. He handed it to Buck, who looked even more dismayed as he read it over.
“I think I'm gonna have an aneurysm.”
Tommy rolled his eyes playfully, heading back to the island to grab more groceries. “You're being very dramatic. I got everything on that list.”
“The list consists of five items!” Buck exclaimed. “Three of which are ineligible!”
Tommy came and stood behind Buck, peering over his shoulder. “Which three?”
As Buck pointed, Tommy began to read them off one by one.
“Chickpeas.”
“Why do we need chickpeas?”
“In case I want hummus.”
“You know it takes more than chickpeas to make hummus, right?”
Tommy glanced over at him. “I do now.”
Buck sighed. “What's this one?” he asked, pointing to the second item.
“Onion powder.”
“Okay, but we already have onion powder here.”
“And now we won't run out for a really long time.”
Moving on, Buck pointed to the last item.
“Meat.”
That's when Buck turned, pressing the list against Tommy's chest for him to take. “You didn't get any meat, Tommy!”
“Yes I did!” Tommy reached over and picked up an item, holding it out for Buck to see. “I got canned ham.”
“Canned ha- Tommy, my head is gonna explode,” Buck replied, pressing his fingers against his temple.
Tommy simply smiled at him, leaning in and giving him a peck on the lips. “You're so cute.”
“You're never going shopping again,” Buck decided. “Ever. I- I'll take over grocery shopping full time.”
“Evan, I go grocery shopping to decompress. You can't take that from me.”
“Your decompression is gonna be the reason I start taking blood pressure medication.”
Tommy placed the can of ham back on the counter and moved closer to Buck, wrapping his arms around his waist. “What if we go together next time?” he asked. As Buck's arms drifted over his shoulders, Tommy began swaying them gently back and forth as though they were dancing along to music. “I can show you my method firsthand, so you understand it better.”
Buck thought it over for a few seconds. “Can I bring an AED with us in case you need to restart my heart?”
Tommy nodded. “We could even pick up Jee on the way, for emotional support.”
“I don't know if I could subject her to this.”
“Christopher then?”
“Yeah,” Buck agreed. “Yeah, that'd be good.”
Tommy kissed him again, Buck sighing into it. One thing Tommy's kisses could always do is melt Buck's tension away, even if he was the one causing it.
“Why don't you go relax?” Tommy suggested once they parted. “I'll finish putting everything away and start dinner.”
“Okay,” Buck agreed. “What are you gonna make?”
Tommy looked around at all the random things he'd purchased. “How does canned ham with chickpeas and gatorade sound?”
Buck pursed his lips together. “Yeah, I'm gonna order food,” he replied, giving Tommy a pat on the ass before walking away.
236 notes
·
View notes