#tablet redirect

[starwarsanthropology]

The tragedy of ur boyfriends not letting u bite them just a little. As a Treat.

A Tup from @trudemaethien’s excellent fic Edeemi, Baby, One More Time that I drew back in May! I didn’t have a Star Wars tumblr at the time and wasnt planning on posting it anywhere so I forgot about it until now, but I had such a fun time playing around with lighting effects and his expression!

I really love their mer universe and I’m especially fond of Tup’s POV in this fic. It’s such a good job of expressing the confusion and frustration of communication barriers and reasonable, best-intent misunderstandings between all of them, while still leaning into the positive aspects of discovering the world and representing it from slightly different perspective than people normally take 10/10 highly recommended

Closeup of the sketch for his expression under the cut because I was super happy with it

[mj0702]

Whatever she needs 🔞

smut ahead ... minors do not read!!!

“Hola mi Amores” Jennis voice sounded a little darker through the screen of the tablet that was set up against the bedside lamp in the bedroom

“Hola Hermoso” Alexia smirked you cuddled into her side her arm holding you safely your face on her chest your eyes half closed

“Why so hostile Putellas?” your girlfriend asked mirroring Alexias smirk

“Pulling your shorts up so everyone sees your thighs...” your blonde girlfriend grumbled light hearted

“My girlfriends are far away... I thought I give them something to look at” Jenni shot back just as teasingly

“Hm... all them fans thirsting over your legs..” the blonde hummed pulling you more into her side

“Don't worry Ale... they can thirst all they like... it's your head that these thighs are wrapped around” the dark haired chuckled

“You better remember that the next time you flirt with these fans after a game... the internet sees everything Hermoso” Alexia grumbled adjusting her hold on you once again while you followed the interaction between your girlfriends half awake

“I'm yours and you know that” Jenni smiled softly before she redirected her attention to you “Why so quiet Cari? Not often you don't say anything”

“Hm...” you hummed into Alexias chest avoiding your eyes even more

“Cari?” your dark haired girlfriend now got a little concerned sitting up in her bed her eyes fixed on your delicate frame

Since you didn't really reacted Jenni raised her eyebrow studying your face as good as she could

“Ale?” the Madrista asked the blonde fishing for answers

“Our Cariño is a little sad today...” the blonde hummed calmly before she pressed a soft kiss to your hairline

“Sad... why are you sad Cari? Did one of these soulless Barcelonans said something to you?” Jenni now looked directly at you getting a little snort out of you before you pressed your nose further into Alexias collarbone hiding your face a little

“¿disculpe? Soulless barcalonean?? Who are you talking about?” Alexia exclaimed

“Batlle... Guijarro.... worst one... Coll” the dark haired one waved off “... but seriously Cari... what is bothering you?”

“When are you coming home?” you mumbled into the blondes chest hoping Jenni didn't understood what you said since you already felt stupid

“Oh mi Cariño... mi amor... mi vida” Jenni sighed her voice soft “... two weeks... I have three more games and the second the final whistle blows I'm on my way to the airport... promesa”

“No... you won the League.. you have to celebrate” you mumbled knowing when Jenni starts celebrating it can go on for days

��I don't care about the League....” your girlfriend kept her voice soft feeling how hard the separation is on you

“But you should celebrate” you said again this time with more insistence

“Oh I will Cari... don't worry... I will celebrate...” Jenni grinned wolfish

“Funny you'd say that...” now Alexia piped up

“You already planning something?” the dark haired perked up immediately

“Hm.....” the blonde teased “... not really... but our Cari had a question earlier and I said we – you and I – will provide her with an answer together”

“Oh?” Jenni looked at you confused but curious

“Hm... go on Cari...” Alexia nudged you slightly “... you asked me so you can ask Jenni as well”

“Nuh – uh” you shake your head slightly before hiding further in the crook of Alexias neck

“Cariño...” Jenni now prodded a little bit

“It's embarrassing” you mumbled

“It's not....” the blonde who held you rolled her eyes for good measure

“You know you can ask me everything Cariño...” the dark haired one said gently knowing sometimes you needed the extra caring other times you needed a more... dominant approach

“Ale...” you whined hoping your girlfriend would help you out

“Oh no... you wanted to know... you are going to ask Jenni” the blonde snorted

“But...” you kept whining

“Cari...” Jenni now chose the other approach her voice much more dominant which made you shrunk even deeper against Alexia

“No” you mumbled against the blondes neck

“Cariño... if you want an answer you have to ask the question first” the dark haired spaniard raised her eyebrow at you and you knew you were walking a delicate line

“Howdoesanalfeel?” you mumbled shutting your eyes embarrassed

“¿disculpe?” Jenni asked confused

“She wants to know what it feels like to have anal sex” Alexia blurted out getting tired of your actions

“How should I know?” the dark haired asked looking at Alexia confused while you groaned quietly “You can answer that... I'm not the one on my hands and kn....”

“Jennifer” the blonde snapped making you smile against her skin “... she asked for different reason you Idiota”

“Huh?” Jenni tilted her head before she realized what was happening “... oh... OH... I mean... yes”

“Finally” Alexia rolled her eyes before she started to smirk “... since I'm here and you are not... you can either watch or we could make a nice little clip of it...”

“I swear Alexia...” the dark haired growled “... if you dare to touch our Cariño without my permission you know you'll regret it....”

“You really want to punish her because YOU are in Mexico??” the blonde teased letting her fingertips stroke slowly over your rips

“She's a good girl... she'll wait... you on the other hand” Jenni warned her blonde girlfriend

“What if we wait with the new stuff until you're here but she's been so good and...” Alexia said softly hearing your little needy whine

“I'll know Putellas... if you touch her ass I'll know... and I will make you suffer for it..” the lanky woman growled but saw how much you enjoyed Alexias simple touch

“Yeah yeah....” the blonde rolled her eyes but looked at her girlfriend questioning

“Go on... it's been a while since I saw both of you come” Jenni flicked her hand in a “go on”-motion

“Wha do you want to see?” Alexia looked at her girlfriend gently prying you a little away from her neck

“Whatever she needs” the lanky spaniard said seriously while she watched how Alexia gently pushed you on your back

“You hear that Cariño?” the blonde started to press soft open mouthed kisses against you neck “Jenni is very nice to you... you'll be good for her sí?”

“Mhm...” you sighed closing your eyes enjoying the gentle touches your girlfriend provided

“Then be good and look at her... let her see” Alexia whispered in your ear her voice darker than usual

“Jenni” you whined as you opened your eyes again turning your head which resulted in two things

First – you saw how comfortable Jenni got against her headboard a slight smirk on her lips as she watched how Alexia pushed your shirt up and your pants down

Second – with you turning your head you showed your neck to Alexia who growled lowly before she licked her lips her eyes fixed on the soft skin

“Sssshhh Cari... Alexia will take care of you” your dark haired girlfriend shushed you gently smirking a little bit “Won't you Ale?”

“Sí... whatever you need Cariño” Alexia murmured still transfixed on your neck

“Need you” you whined needy trying to look at the blonde who immediately grabbed your chin turning your head back to look at Jenni

“Look at her.. not me” the blonde growled making you whimper

“She's not mad Cari... she's just in love with your neck... we know that already.. marking you every chance she gets – even after games” Jenni chuckled watching the interaction amused “Go on Ale... mark her as long as you can because you know when I'm coming home there won't be any of it”

That was the confirmation Alexia needed quickly leaning down biting into your neck harshly to point where you thought she drew blood. You whimpered closing your eyes after a few seconds of pain trying to get the blonde to ease up a little bit just to be met with a warning growl. Jenni on the other hand chuckled loudly seeing how easily she still can dictate the situation even from nearly 6.000 miles away.

“Ale” you said your voice low but Jenni could hear the pain

“Alexia” the dark haired one immediately jumped in with a warning knowing sometimes her counterpart could get lost in the sensation

“Hm?” the blonde looked up with a mix of annoyance and confusion

“Slowly” Jenni said seriously nodding toward you

“Lo siento Bebé” Alexia looked down at you apologetic bending down pressing a soft kiss to her mark

“Stop wasting time Alexia” the lanky spaniard warned

“You said slowly” the blonde shot back her attention quickly divided from you to her back to you

“Slowly yes... time wasting no...” Jenni bit out

“Hm...” Alexia hummed now starting to pull your shirt over your head leaving your chest bare the cool air in your bedroom letting your nipple harden immediately

“Finally” your made out Jennis voice through the screen making you open your eyes again seeing how she got even more comfortable

Alexia didn't let you dwell on the sight too much pressing a soft kiss in the valley in between your breasts before she kissed her way over to your perky nipple starting to gently suck on it her tongue applying little pressure to the nub making you moan quietly. Both of them knew even if you mostly let them use you however they please sometimes you just needed the gentle soft intimacy. Even more so when your mind was overwhelmed and you missed Jenni who always was a big support in your life. You came into their relationship when you basically were at your lowest both of them being big parts of your healing and getting back to yourself. Which made it even harder when Jenni took the offer from Mexico. Yes it provided you with another destination for when you needed to get away from the busy schedule Barcelona and the Nationalteam put on your shoulders but it still hurt every time you have to say goodbye to Jenni at the Airport. And every time a little more. Alexia was great yes she looked after you when she noticed you spiralling making sure you eat and rest enough. But Jenni made the House homey – filled it with laughter warmth and homemade lemonade.

“Cari....” Alexia pulled you back into reality with a soft voice “... are you with me?”

“Hm.. yeah sure” you mumbled

“You want this sí?” the blonde checked sitting back on her heels

“I... just” you said getting a little uneasy

“Ssssshhhh Bebita...” Alexias big hands now stroked over your stomach trying to ground you as she quickly glanced at the screen seeing that Jenni sat up more forward her face showing concern

“Jenni” you whined again as you grabbed one of Alexias hand intertwining your fingers

“I know Cari... I know...” Jenni said softly “... I miss both of you too... but Ales there to help you out a little bit okay... let her take care of you”

You couldn't really word your feeling so you went back to whining making Jenni smile with a little pity

“Ale.... clear her mind of all them haunting thoughts” the black haired spaniard nodded towards you making Alexia grin devilish

“My way then....” the blonde smirks pulling your pants down the rest of the way not letting go of your hand “... keep looking at Jenni Cari... be good for me and her and keep your eyes on Jenni”

“Ale...” you whimpered but you knew not to disobey her

“The only sounds I want this mouth to leave in near future are moans...” Alexia said strictly her free hand working getting your boy shorts out of the way

The second she achieved her goal her hand cupped your pussy the heel of her hand applying pressure to your clit making you moan out arching your back a little bit tightening your hold on her hand that held yours

“Exactly like this” the blonde praised you smiling “.... she's basically dripping Jenni... tell me Cari... is it for me or for Jenni?”

“You” you moaned out knowing it would only play into your favour feeding Alexias ego a little bit

“Hm... good answer Bebé” Alexia hummed replacing her hand by sliding her knee in between your thighs now her thigh pressing against your cunt

“She's just saying that because I'm not there” Jenni snorted but she slowly leaned back against her headboard

“You can't feel how wet she is Jenni” the blonde murmured against your skin as she kissed her way back up to your breasts “... only for me”

“Keep telling yourself that...” the lanky one snorted again “... you know she needs to be told what to do”

“What do you want Cari....” Alexia kissed your collarbone

“Wanna come” you moaned as you grinded down on Alexias thigh making her smirk against your skin

“You will Cariño.... I promise...” the blonde whispered “... but you know Jenni decides that...”

“Jenni please” you whimpered looking at her with puppy eyes

“No holding back Cari...” Jennis eye found yours and you could see how dark they got “... let Alexia make you feel good”

The second the dark haired was done talking Alexia captured your mouth in a hot passionate kiss pressing her thigh harder against your core making you moan into the kiss. Jenni hummed appreciative loving to watch the two of you. She knew Alexia was more than capable to take care of your needs what didn't stop her to give in her two cents once in a while

“Stop teasing” your dark haired girlfriend scolded Alexia lightly

She watched how Alexias free hand started to wander first stop was your breasts where she massaged the soft flesh her thumb flicking over the hard nipple making you whine into her mouth. The blonde pulled away from the kiss to get her attention back to your neck – Jenni always joked that if Alexia wouldn't be a professional footballer she'd be a vampire. At the moment you didn't care since you started to feel Alexia everywhere. Her large hand on your breast, her hot breath on your neck, her muscular thigh against your core, her other hand still holding your own. The blonde noticed the slight change in your body quickly glancing at Jenni smirking victorious causing the older one to playfully roll her eyes.

“Come on Cari...” Alexia murmurs against your skin “... I know you want to”

She pressed her knee more into the mattress intensify the pressure on your clit with her thigh making you moan out a whimper. Alexia rocked against your core once more to give you a little push to finally start getting yourself off on her leg. The blonde hummed pleased when she felt you rock carefully against her so you took it as a sign that that's what she wanted you to do. So you continued to rock against her upper leg getting into a rhythm while Alexia nuzzled against your neck letting you use her strong thigh to your liking.

“That's it Bebé...” you made out Jennis voice faintly to caught up in your action “... I knew you could be good for Ale and I”

That simple praise got a moan out of you your movement faltering for a second until Alexia got your attention back on track by slightly twisting your hard nipple. You immediately rocked back against her your breath coming out in panted breath while the blonde on top of you just did the bare minimum letting you take what you needed. She knew you would word it if you needed her to do more or even take over. Right now just the intimacy of the situation was enough for you as you feel the familiar and not unwelcomed warm feeling slowly starting to build. Your rhythm increased while you started to hold Alexias hand even more tightly silently telling her you were close and she started to press soft encouraging kisses against your neck

“Are you close Cari?” Alexia mumbled into your skin you confirming it by whining and nodding your head

“Come Cariño” you heard Jennis demanding voice and you did just that with Alexia pressing her leg firmer against your core making you arch of the bed moaning loudly

“Joder... I'll never get tired of that image” Jenni huffed as you sank back into the mattress and you could hear your blonde girlfriend whispering soft praises in your ear her body now complete covering your own

Jenni would never admit it out loud but being separated from you two was so hard for her. Not just because of the absolutely amazing out-of-this-world sex but also the simple daily things like going for groceries or just laying on the couch having a movie playing in the background with you complaining that you didn't understood a word because it was in spanish and you didn't speak it. Truth was you understood it quiet well and Alexia caught you more than once speaking spanish with Marta or Ona. So both of your girlfriends knew you just liked to complain about something and they just played into it changing the movie to english most of the times so you'll settle down in between them. So yes – seeing Alexia making you come when she was so far away not able to touch you was even more hard.

“You feeling better Cari?” Alexia asked you gently already knowing the answer before you could even shake your head

“Words Bebé” your dark haired girlfriend said seriously

“No” you panted out and the goddess on top of you smirked knowingly

“No?” Alexia smirked teasingly “What do you need Cari?”

“Need more” you breathed out trying to get a reaction out of your girlfriend by pressing your nose into the soft skin at the crook of her neck

“More? Are you sure you realize what you asking for Cariño?” the blonde raised her eyebrow at you but you just nodded

“She wants more Jenni....” Alexia looked straight at the other woman “... what do you say?”

“Whatever she needs Ale...” the older one shrugged her shoulders “... she asked for it – take what's yours”

“Hm... what to do with you Cari?” the blonde mused loudly “... should I just use my fingers? Or my tongue? Or should I get the strap?”

The images that flooded your mind made you moan instantly getting a chuckle out of your blonde girlfriend

“All of it? Sounds like you're in for quite an entertaining night Hermoso” Alexia chuckled darkly

“Then get going....” Jenni rolled her eyes knowing Alexia teased her on purpose “... you don't get any younger either”

That comment made the blonde bark out a laugh childishly sticking her tongue out towards the dark haired one before redirecting her attention back on you

“Lets show her who the better stamina has Cariño” Alexia smirked her hand already on the path downwards with the destination in between your legs

Alexia normally wasn't one for slow rather on the rough side of intimacy but she saw you were balancing on the edge of overwhelming so she held herself back gently working one of her long digits into your pussy. The moment you felt her finger entering you you moaned deeply letting her work her finger in and out of you until she felt you loosening up a little carefully pushing a second finger in. You gasped at the stretch no stranger to Alexias long fingers but after still being a little sensitive from your first orgasm it was a tight fit – literally. The blonde didn't see the point to even let you get used to her continuing to fuck you slow and deep. She hit all the right spots inside you making you moan and groan and when she hit that one spot you actually squeaked a little bit. Hearing your high squeak Alexia faltered for a moment before smirking

“That spot Bebita?” the blonde teased pressing her fingertips into the same soft spot again getting the same reaction out of you

She knew if she would continue like this she'd have you come in mere minutes but she wasn't in the mood for a quick orgasm. You already had one so this time she'll make you wait. The blonde started to fuck you harder and a little faster occasionally hitting that spot that made you melt but every time she felt you tighten around her fingers she went back to slow down and not so deep. You were on the verge of tears after the fourth time Alexia slowed down again your breath laboured when you started to beg

“Please Ale...” you begged desperately “... por favor Alexia”

“Qué necesitas Cari” the blonde teased you only her fingertips just at the entrance to your wet core

“Please Alexia... I can't...” you moaned out as she teased the inside of your lips “... I can't anymore... please”

“I know you can Cari...” Alexia smirked loving the way you were giving yourself to her

“No puc” you nearly slurred your words desperately

“Catalan... that's new... I really like it...” the blonde pressed a soft kiss to your lips “.... no t'atreveixes a venir sense el meu permís”

“Alexia... this is about her” Jenni now interrupted seeing how you came close to your breaking point “... not about you”

“I'm doing this for her” Alexia growled at Jenni “... I know she can hold out a little longer Jenni... I can FEEL it”

Jenni stared at Alexia for a second then nodded her permission for the blonde to continue

“You hold out until I allow you to come Cariño...” the blonde now growled into your ear “... if not you'll feel very sorry once Jenni comes home – I'll make sure of it”

With that she went back to push her fingers deep into your pussy making you moan loudly. Alexia kept her slow but deep thrusts half her hand covered in your juices by now but she knew she can make you come hard enough so you'd be exhausted enough to fall into a peaceful slumber afterwards without her pulling out all the stops which normally resulted in you not being able to properly walk the next day and you still had training to attend. When she felt you tighten around her fingers again she smirked knowing this time you would come with or without her permission and since this really was about you she made it easier on your mind

“She's so tight Jenni...” the blonde looked straight at your other girlfriend who still sat comfortable against the headboard in her own bedroom watching the two of you “... even if I tried I wouldn't be able to fuck her the way I wanted... she's too tight for hard and fast”

“Yeah? Talk to me Ale...” the dark haired spaniard played into the little game Alexia started

“Barely fit two fingers...” Alexia grunted using her upper legs to hold your legs open when you tried to close them trying to trap the blondes hand “... you see how she tries to trap my Hand... you know what that means”

“Let her come Ale... she's been good for you” Jenni smiled seeing how you tried to wriggle away from Alexias frame simply to get a break

“In a minute” the blonde said just moving with you so you wouldn't have the chance to withdraw from her “... no Cari... don't try to get away... you know you want... you know I ALWAYS get what I want out of you”

You felt Alexia pull you against her and pulled you up so you were sitting on her thighs her two fingers still buried deep inside you. She freed her hand from your iron like grip to get her arm around your back holding you up guiding you to ride her fingers. With the new angle it was even harder for you to hold back your orgasm and Alexia didn't help you by sucking a nipple into her mouth using her teeth to bite down carefully

“Ale...” you tried to push her a little away from you but as usual it was no use

“Come Cari...” the catalan growled against your breast as she pulled you down and pushed her fingers up roughly

You didn't really remember anything after her demand. Both women knew how to play your body like an instrument but this time Alexia provided you exactly with what you needed. You didn't remember screaming out her name. The way your body arched against hers. The strong grip that the blonde held you against her. How you slumped against her. When she oh so carefully withdraw her fingers from your dripping cunt. Next thing you remembered was how she gently laid you back down on the bed whispering sweet nothings trying to help you calm that ragged breathing of yours. You whined as she gently let go of you and left the bed for Jenni jumping in telling you how good you did praising you for letting Alexia take care of you. You whined even louder when you realized that the typical warmth of her body and the smell of her skin was missing.

“I know Cari...” Jenni said softly “... just two more weeks... and then you'll get everything you ask for... I promise mi amor”

Alexia came back with a towel starting to clean you up as much as she thought you needed. She didn't see the point in dragging you into the shower now as you both have to shower in the morning anyway. The blonde disposed the towel carelessly on the floor crawling back into bed pulling you against her your face immediately finding the crook of her neck. You felt so light and carefree that you relaxed against your girlfriend the second both of you got comfortable

“She already out?” the Madrista chuckled seeing how your breathing evening out slowly

“Not quite... but nearly” Alexia whispered pressing a soft kiss to your forehead “... she really misses you Jenni... we both do”

“I miss you too...” Jenni sighed “... two more years okay... I found my love for football again and I'm not ready to retire right now...”

“I understand all your reasoning Jenni... I do... WE do...” the blonde said seriously “... but maybe... something closer to us... closer to home...”

“I would die in the english weather...” the older one tried to lighten the mood “... France... been there done that...”

“They say Germany suppose to be beautiful in summer” Alexia teased back “... or Italy... Norway maybe?”

“Sweden... or Denmark...” Jenni thought out loud

“Jenni... lets be serious for a second... what about home?” the blonde turned serious again

“I can't come play in Spain Ale.. you know why? You would personally kill me if I go and play for Madrid... Barcelona made clear they don't want me back... and where else should I go? Levante? Eibar?” the dark haired one turned serious as well

“Well with you... maybe Madrid would get a goal at El Classico for once... Misa is there” Alexia said running out of ideas while you started to snore softly against her skin

“How does y/n always says... it's not Misas fault – everyone makes mistakes... what do you think she'll do when I start playing in white?” Jenni snorted

“We need you closer to us Jenni... it's killing her... it's killing me...” the blonde said her voice breaking a little

“I promise I'll look for a solution” the older one said softly “I promise Alexia”

“Okay...” the catalan nodded

“November transfers are soon... so maybe there's a chance there...” Jenni smiled encouraging “... how are you feeling... need me to talk you through it?”

“No... I can wait...” Alexia smiled knowing exactly what her girlfriend was talking about “... also our Cari would get so mad if she doesn't get to watch or help....”

“You seriously denying me giving you an orgasm because the smallest one would get mad” the dark haired one lifted her eyebrow in disbelieve

“YOU don't have to deal with her in the morning... she's grumpy anyway – if she notice we had fun without her she'll break someones legs...” the blonde said adjusting her hold on you feeling a little bit of drool on her collarbone “... and most likely mine”

Jenni barked out a laugh before saying goodnight to Alexia promising her to call the next day after she had a talk with her agent about potential clubs

“Té amo mi reina” Jenni smiled softly

“You know I hate it when you call me that” Alexia smiled even tho she could feel the tears in her eyes

“Why do you think I keep calling you that” the older one winked “.... Té amo Ale”

“Jo també T’estimo” the blonde whispered back “ho fem”

[writingsbychlo]

KNOW YOU LIKE I DO | tom riddle

summary; love letters are tom's way of communicating. unfortunately, he's not as good with his actions.

word count; 7036

notes; another one that I said was gonna be short and it wasn’t. I think I’m physically incapable of writing short fics, actually.

Dear Tom,

Tommy. 

My Tom. 

Do you still have that first letter I wrote to you, back in summer? No, I suppose you don’t, that’s not very like you. 

I’m drunk. Just a little bit (a lot), and I can’t take it anymore. Mattheo told me to tell you how I feel, and that is exactly what I’m going to do. He’s asleep on my bed right now, drooling into my favourite pillow waiting for me to write this. 

So here it is. 

I’m angry. I’m hurt. I’m confused. I’m in love. And it’s all your fault.

Staring across the crowded room, your eyes fixed back onto that of Tom Riddle. It wasn’t hard to spot him, not as he was the only man who came to a Christmas party dressed in all black and sat alone, brooding. His lips were pressed into a line, the lights bouncing off of those shiny curls, green and red splashed across his pale skin as he sipped at his drink, listening to the conversation Draco and Blaise were having, but never participating. 

Your heart lurched a little in your chest, just the mere sight of him had a thousand different feelings rearing their heads, and you sighed to yourself. Shaking your head, your attention was redirected to the drinks table, pouring yourself an extra strong helping of Giggle Gin and topping it off. The urge to look back over was strong, and you steadfastly ignored it, suppressing the urge and instead, turning your back to his direction, walking towards the group of girls giggling in the opposite corner. 

Taking your seat back in the comfy corner of the sofa, Pansy offered you a smile, her arm looped over Luna’s shoulders as the blonde cuddled into her side. Astoria was currently recounting the intimate details of her latest night with Draco, and you hid a smile in your cup as you tuned back into the conversation. 

You lost the battle with your will, however, gaze moving directly back across the room to Tom. He had a slight smirk on his face now as he watched Draco speak, and you did not doubt that he was receiving a tale of the exact same encounter Astoria was currently telling, only from a different point of view. 

Blonde cut across your vision, the perfect smile of Daphne blocking your view as she sat in front of you, severing any sights of Tom you might have had. “You know,” She started, grinning as she took a sip of your drink cheekily, before handing it back. “If you stare at him any harder, you’re gonna’ drill holes in the side of his head.”

You could only scoff, but no argument formed. Lately, all you’d been able to do was stare longingly at him across any room. You weren’t subtle, and you’d never been much good at hiding your feelings. Which seemed fitting, since you’d fallen for someone who was like a blank slate, permanently. 

Tom Riddle was a harder book to read than a tablet written in a never-before-discovered language. 

“He looks so… miserable, Daph.”

She glances over her shoulder at him, snorting a laugh, and turning her attention back to you. “Because Tom Riddle doesn’t go to parties, and he’s probably counting the minutes until he can leave.” She smirked a little, shuffling closer, perched on the edge of her seat as she leaned in, “At least, he didn’t go to parties. Until you, that is.”

Your cheeks flushed, a subtle hint at the running joke your friendship group had taken on. They’d all become convinced that Tom attended parties for you, ever since he’d been a willing guest for the first time at Draco’s end-of-summer bonfire bash, and spent the majority of the night talking with you. They refused to let it go. 

“You should go over there and cheer him up. I bet he’d be smiling in no time if you gave him a little attention.”

That was exactly the problem. You’d been giving him a little too much attention, and now, everyone was painfully aware of your feelings for him. Except for him, maybe. Either that, or he was just very good at pretending he didn’t notice, in a chance to let you down gently. You didn’t know which option was worse. “Don’t be ridiculous, Daph.”

“No, you don’t be ridiculous! You and him are… something else.” She took your free hand in hers, squeezing tightly. All amusement melted from her face, and she gave you a serious look. The expression she wore when advising her sister on Draco, or comforting Pansy after a panic attack. “Are you ever going to tell me what happened over the summer, or are you just going to keep acting like it wasn’t some cataclysmic shift?”

“So dramatic.” You hummed to your roommate.

“Still pretending, I see.” She teases lightly, but her brows are still furrowed. She waited a few more seconds, to see if you’ll crack. All you do is hold her steady gaze, and take a sip of your drink. With a sigh, she released your hand, and leans back in her chair. “Well, whatever. We can all see it, see how you two pine for one another, and how perfect you’d be together. Just go and talk to him! He’s probably sat over there waiting for you anyway. He had that exact same kicked-puppy expression on at the summer party, until you walked in.”

“He did not…” You murmur, the very thought making you blush. 

“I think that’s the first time I ever saw Tom Riddle smile. A real smile, not the smile he gets when threatening someone, or when Mattheo falls over. A good smile.” 

“Now you’re just making him out like some kind of sulky villain.” You retort, and she only raises a brow at you.

“Here, take him this box, and go talk to him. The poor boy looks lost over there without you.” Reaching under her chair, Daphne produces a familiar box, wrapped neatly in black paper with dark green ribbon, and your jaw drops. 

“Daphne!—” Reaching out to snatch it from her, your brows furrow. “Did you go through my things?”

“I didn’t exactly go through your things,” She grins, watching you turn over the label with his name written on neatly. “I just watched you hide it under your bed and got curious… it smells good. Is it cookies? Can I have one?”

When she reaches for the box, you slap the back of her hand, and she sticks her tongue out at you in return. “No! You cannot, you little snoop!”

“Fine! If you won’t let me have a cookie, then you have to go over there. You either give me a cookie, or you give me the satisfaction of seeing you and him smile.” Her arms crossed, her tone annoyed but her words caring, and love shone in her gaze as she stared at you. “Go on. Go over to him. Please.”

It wasn’t like you didn’t already want to, and with her encouragement, you were a weak woman to say no. Downing the rest of your drink for a little liquid courage, you hop to your feet, present clutched in your hands.

Weaving through the room, the bass notes of Mattheo’s custom-made playlist pumped through the room from the speakers, a playlist you might have slightly altered a few days ago to add a couple of songs, just to mix up his usual tastes. Your stomach was twisting nervously, but the alcohol in your veins made for a pleasant buzz as the distance between you both closed. 

After almost taking a ping-pong ball to the eye, courtesy of Theo on the beer-pong table, you cleared the games and settled into the pleasant atmosphere surrounding where the boys had set themselves up for the evening by the fire. When you approached, Tom looked up, frown melting away as the crease between his brows disappeared, and he sat up a little straighter as you approached. 

“Hi, doll,” He murmured, shifting his arm from the armrest of the chair, so that you could take a seat on it instead. That same arm soon wrapped around your waist, his head falling to rest on your shoulder, and your heart skipped a beat within your chest. “Where’ve you been?”

“Over there, with Daph and the girls.” You whisper in reply, balancing the box on your thighs, and pointing through the crowds to the barely visible patch of chairs and sofas you’d all been occupying. He only hummed, squeezing you a little closer. 

“Stay here with me for a while?”

“Sure,” Your voice hardly worked as you spoke, emotions clogging up, and you reached for the gift in your lap. “I have this for you, anyway. I made you those cookies you like so much.”

“You did?” His head lifted, and one of those pretty smiles that made your heart stop clean in your chest was adorning his lips. “The ones with the orange peel and the dark chocolate?”

“Those very ones.” You handed it to him, and he tugged at the ribbon covering the box, fingers flipping under the seals of the paper until it fell openly neatly. Flicking open the catch on the cardboard box, the smell of freshly baked treats filled the air, and he made a rumbling noise of happiness as he plucked on up, and took a bite. As you laughed at him, he took another, pushing it between your lips with a smirk while he chewed. 

He resealed the box, savouring them, as he did all things, and putting them on the table in front of himself. You held the cookie now, eating it slowly, as Draco and Blaise finally seemed to become aware of your presence. 

“I have a question.” Draco started, and your gaze moved to him, brow raising as you took the final bite. “Is Astoria over there talking about me?”

The blond smirked, and you twisted, lifting your legs to sit over Tom, ankles crossing on the opposite arm. “No, no. She’s been recounting a scene from a book.”

“What?”

“Yeah. You know, the fun books. It was really, really hot.” You teased, fanning yourself, and Tom chuckled, reaching over you for his drink, and taking a sip. Instead of putting it back down, he rested the cool glass on your thigh, his free hand coming to sit on your calf, rubbing lightly as you shivered at the touch. “Why? You think you’re better than a good spicy romance?”

“I know I am!” Draco huffed, and Blaise rolled his eyes, watching you wind his best friend up with barely a few words at all. “What book is this?”

“Oh, you don’t want to know…”

“I do want to know! Tell me!” His cheeks were turning pink, all the way up to the tips of his ears. In the spirit of Christmas, you took pity on him, rolling your eyes. 

“I think it was called… Astoria’s Diary.” 

It took a few seconds for it to register in Draco’s mind, and the furious pink turned to an embarrassed red, and he shook his head, eyes narrowed at you. “I despise you.”

“You love me.” You fired back, and he scoffed, but the edges of his lips pulled at a smile, and he looked away to cover it. Settling back a little more, you leaned into the cushion, feeling Tom roll his head across the cushion to lean in your direction. 

“I feel like I’ve barely seen you all week.” He says, voice low for only you to hear, and your head twists towards him You were close, close enough to pick out the different coloured flecks of colour in his eyes as he looked at you, and the hardly visible steaks of lighter brown that trailed naturally through his dark curls.

“Well, I’ve had detention all week, thanks to a certain someone.” You poked his chest, and he only smirked a little bit, shuffling his head a fraction closer. 

“I needed you, what can I say?”

“You needed someone to keep a lookout while you snuck into the restricted section again. Why did it have to be me?” You scoffed, working to keep the smile on your face as the answer to your own question flickered through your mind. He chose you because he knew you’d drop everything and come, the voice taunted; you buried it under the song playing and the laughter in the room so you didn’t have to think about it...

“Don’t act like you didn’t have fun when we ran.” He chuckled, hand sliding up your leg again, fingers lacing with your own. The same way they had when you’d been caught, and he’d grabbed your hand, the two of you ducking and weaving between stacks, fleeing through the corridors. Laughing and out of breath, he’d clutched your hand, thumb rubbing over your knuckles just like he was doing now, staring at you with those pretty eyes.

You hadn't been caught, but you had gotten detention for skipping class to go with him, and so you’d spent all five nights of your final week in detention, writing lines. You lifted your free hand, sighing with a nod, and running it through his curls. His eyes fluttered, head tipping back to follow your hand, and a content smile took over his lips. 

You loved to see him like this, to see him so carefree and happy, to see him relax at just your touch. You’d never seen him like this before. The thought that only you could do it to him sent a thrill down your spine, made your thoughts feel hazy and slow, like treacle in your mind, and your nerves tingled. So, why had he never made a move to make it anything more? You’d given him a dozen chances, a dozen more opportunities…

“I don’t know what I’m going to do without you this holiday.” He broke your train of thought, eyes opening again to peer up at you, and his lips became a frown as he thought about it. “My father is going to pile on the pressure not that I’m in my graduating year. I can already feel the headache forming right between my eyes.”

“Oh..” You coo, hand slipping down from his hair to rub your thumb over his forehead, the space you know him to get stress headaches the worst, when he works too hard or gets wound up. He just chuckled, eyes sliding shut once again. 

The song changed, and his body tensed underneath you for just a second, before his eyes snapped open, gaze locked on you. “This is my favourite song.”

“Is it?” You mumble, finger still tracing lightly over his skin, and he nods.

“I didn’t think Mattheo put it on the playlist. I asked him, and he very emphatically said no.” 

“Maybe he changed his mind.” Your shrug doesn’t convince him, not as you both hear Mattheo question the song with a stream of curses somewhere in the distance. His lips twitched at the edges, a small smile, but he said nothing else. Instead, he leaned in, your arm going around his shoulders, rubbing softly as his head nestled onto your shoulder, a sigh on his lips. 

It was perfect, just like this. If he could just open his eyes and see, he’d know how wonderful it could be. Nobody knew him like you did, he’d made sure to keep his secrets locked up tight. But over the months of exchanging letters, and candle-lit nights in the library, he’d bore so much of his soul to you. 

Deep, wounded parts, that you’d tried to put back together. 

Soft, tender parts that he protected so valiantly, but trusted you with. 

Sweet, loving parts, that never saw the light of day, unless you were together.

It was impossible, surely, that he didn’t know. He might keep his feelings locked up tight, but you didn’t hide yours very well at all. As you sat here now, fingers weaving through his hair, lips tracing his temple as you whispered nonsense to him about your day, his head on your shoulder, that he didn’t know. Even a man like Tom Riddle couldn't miss it, right?

You just wanted to make him happy, but he didn’t feel the same. 

With a heart-aching sigh, you ran your fingers through his curls one more time. Unrequited love wasn’t going to ruin your night. Unrequited love wasn’t going to ruin your Christmas. You would not be one of those girls who gave in to their feelings, and crumbled at the feet of a man who didn’t return her affections. 

Sitting up some more, he grumbled at the disruption, blinking his eyes back open as he lifted his head again. “I’m… I’m going to go dance, and play some games, okay?”

“Alright,” He smiled, patting your thigh and lifting his drink away. “Have fun. I’ll probably leave soon. If I don’t see you again, just know I’ll be thinking of you over these holidays. We’ll write again.”

His words send a rush of heat to your cheeks, a tumble of nerves through your stomach, and you could only nod. One more chance, one more chance to make a move…

“Merry Christmas, Tommy,” you whisper, leaning in to kiss his cheek. A kiss that was purposefully close to the edge of his mouth, a kiss that purposefully lingered just a second too long as you pulled away slowly, giving him a chance to turn his head, to close the gap, to kiss you—

But he didn’t, he only smiled. “Merry Christmas, doll.”

So, you stand. You brush it off. You brush off the moment, and the feelings, and all the disappointment and heartbreak that came with it. 

But I can’t do it anymore. 

We’ve been housemates for seven years, we’ve been friends for half of those, and I’ve been in love with you for months. 

But you don’t love me. Mattheo says you do, says you’re just stupid when it comes to feelings. But, even you couldn't miss how I feel about you.

So, I’m letting you go. 

New Year, New Me, New Heart.

“No, your dorm is that way.” You giggle, Mattheo’s arm over your shoulder, pushing him in the direction of the boy’s dorms and pointing. “My dorm is this way!”

“No, you’re wrong!” He mutters, shaking his head dramatically. “Boys to the left,” He says, pointing right, “Girls to the right, because girls are always right!”

“Well, I won’t argue with you there.” You grin, spinning him around. “Wait, now I’m confused. Who’s dorm were we going to again?”

A few too many shots, a few more drinks than your limit at the beer-pong table, and as the last of the party was dying down, you and Mattheo were attempting to stumble back to your dorms. “Theo’s.”

“Right. But why are we going to Theo’s dorm?”

“Because he’s my friend,” Mattheo said. “And also, his bed is next to mine.” Another fit of laughter, drunken giggles melting away, and the two of you collapsed down against the wall, heads tipped back to the stone as amusement took over. When you finally caught your breaths once again, he was smiling, eyes sparkling in that unique Matty-way. Kicking his legs out before himself, he sighed. “Maybe I will just sleep here.”

“You can’t sleep here.”

“Why?” He pouted, and you searched through your foggy mind for a reason. 

“Because you have to sleep in a bed.” Is what you settled on, shrugging your shoulders, even if you were getting a little bit too comfy against the stone too. 

“Can I sleep in your bed?” He wiggled his brows, smirking, before burping, and you giggled again. 

“No, you may not.”

“Why?” He whined, kicking one leg like a toddler in a tantrum. “You have fluffy pillows.”

“And you have sheets that haven’t been washed in months.” Your nose screwed up, and he let out a dramatic, wounded sound, like a soldier who had just been shot in a war movie. 

“That was cold.” He muttered, shaking his head. “Not as cold as the frozen Earth Tom would bury my wee little body in if I spent the night at your dorm.”

You didn’t respond, the mention of his name was like a bucket of ice over your head. Not exactly sobering, but shocking. 

“I’m saying he would murder me.”

“Yes, I understood.”

“You didn’t laugh.” He pouted, and you chuckled for his benefit. “No, it’s not real. Now I feel like I begged for it.”

“You did.”

“You suck.”

“You swallow.” You sighed, and he groaned once again, another argument lost. His head rolled to your shoulder, his body slumping into relaxation. 

“So… what is the deal with you and my brother?” His lips twisted as he thought about it, but he looked up at you curiously, frown only deepening at the sad look on your face. 

“There is no deal.” You shrug, “He doesn’t want me like that. We’re just friends.”

“Yeah,” He snorts, “And the sky isn’t blue.”

“I’m serious, Matty. I’ve given him a hundred chances. He could’ve made a move anytime. I haven’t exactly kept my feelings to myself, all you fools can see my heart dripping and bleeding on my sleeve. He knows, he just didn’t want to acknowledge it.” Your lungs burned for air at the end of your speech, and you took a deep breath, staring ahead at the chipping bricks in an attempt to avoid tears. “Why doesn’t he want me, Matty?”

“He does,” Mattheo mumbled, taking your hand in his and squeezing. “He’s just a fucking moron. But, he’s also scared. You know, you’re pretty much all he talks about? And, I never saw him smile so much as he did during the summer, when he’d receive your letters. He’d get all anxious and fidgety every day, waiting for the mail owl to arrive. He’s never going to make the first move. He’d rather suffer for all his life but have you like this, than risk losing you entirely.”

The words felt like a warming blanket and an ice-cold lake. Comforting and terrifying, sweet and burning, all at the same time. 

Mattheo huffed a laugh, “Maybe you should write him a love letter.”

“Maybe I should…” You whisper, drunken thoughts taking over, and his head snapped up. 

“I was joking.”

“I’m not. That’s a good idea. I should write him a letter, and tell him that I’m moving on.” You brushed your legs off as you stood, taking his hands and pulling him to his feet, determined.

“Okay, that’s not what a love letter is. That’s so far from what I said—”

“Let’s go!” You grabbed his wrist, tugging him along behind you as you made your way through the halls. 

“Now? Why are we doing it now? We should be sleeping now!” His protests fell on deaf ears as you dragged him along. Throwing open the door to your room, Daphne was already asleep, still in her party dress, face down on her pillow, out cold from the night’s festivities and snoring.

Mattheo collapsed onto your bed, rolling onto his side and clutching a fluffy cushion to his chest as he curled into a ball. 

“I’ll just wait here, then.” He yawned through his words, but you were too busy to care, scrambling for a pot of ink and some new parchment. Taking a seat at your desk, you stared at the paper, quill hovering, ready to write.

So, I will spend the end of this year away from you. You say we’ll write, but I don’t want to. 

Only write to me, Tom, if you feel the same.  If not, don’t. Let me heal, and when we come back in the New Year, I promise, nothing will change except for my heart. 

We will still be friends, best friends, and we’ll never talk about it again.

I will wait for you.

Finishing the letter, you sighed at it, the ink drying and immortalising your words onto the page. Sitting before you was the sum total of what sat in your heart, and your mind. Laid out and ready to go, your hands trembled a little as you read it over, and over, to be sure. 

But you had to do this, you had to give this letter to him, to alleviate the strain on your heart, to finally have some closure. Whether he felt the same or not, you’d have relief. Folding it carefully, you searched a strip of wax seal lighting the end and waiting for it to get hot, drips of Slytherin green filling into a pool that overlapped the edge of your paper. When there was enough, you stamped it carefully, sealing it shut as the wax cooled. 

Taking a look behind you, you caught sight of a sleeping Mattheo, his jaw hanging open, drooling onto your favourite throw pillow, half tucked under your blankets from where he’s only bothered to cover his legs. Peeling away the wax seal, you walked over to him, shaking his shoulder, until he awoke with a huff and a groan, whining as he sat up. 

“I was dreaming.”

“I wrote the letter.” You show him the proof, and he rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands, glancing from it, to you, and back. “You have to give it to him.”

“Now?”

“No! Not now. Tomorrow. After we get off the train.” He blinked a little more, waking up from his power nap and taking the paper from you. Flipping it over in his hands, he inspected Tom’s name across the front, no address, and raised his brows. 

“Why don’t you mail it?”

“That’ll take days, and I don’t want to leave it up to chance. I need you to give it to him, tomorrow. I know you’ll be swamped with everything your father expects of you both this time of year, events and frivolities and all, but you have to. I don’t want it getting lost amongst other letters and Christmas cards, and such.” Your hands clasped together before you, blinking at him pleadingly, and hoping your puppy-dog eyes were half as good as his.

He sighed, rolling his eyes and muttering to himself as he stood.

“Please, Matty.”

“Fine. I’ll give it to him.” He caved, and you threw your arms around him, hugging him tightly. 

“Tomorrow? After you get off the train?”

“Yes. I will give Tom the letter… tomorrow.”

Yours,

If you want me, 

(y/n) x

Tom double-checked his bags, sighing as he zipped up the piece of luggage he’d actually have access to on the train, everything he needed to survive a six-hour train journey. A knock sounded from the door, a signature one that only Mattheo ever used, excessively long and irritating, and the door swung open a second later to reveal his brother. 

Placing his carry-on down on the bed beside his own, Mattheo slumped out on his freshly-stripped bed. “You took your bags to the carriage already?”

“I got up early.”

“Surprising, I thought I’d have to drag you out of your bed this morning considering how much you drank last night.” He gave his brother a look, a single brow raised, and Mattheo just huffed. 

“It’s called having fun, you should try it sometime.”

Tom only rolled his eyes, gaze scanning across the bag Mattheo had abandoned, snagging on the letter sticking out of one pocket. T— was all that was visible. It might have been a card, that someone had addressed it to ‘Theo’ instead of Mattheo, but everyone called him ‘Matt’ if they wanted a nickname, to avoid confusion with Nott.

Curiosity ate at him, and nudging the bag subtly revealed just enough more to show an ‘O’. 

Definitely Tom, then. Mattheo was carrying a letter for him, and had not delivered it. Before he could pluck it from the pocket, his brother was sitting up, reaching for his bag and getting to his feet, swinging the letter out of his reach inadvertently. 

“Ready to go?”

“Is that letter for me?” Tom burst instead, making another move for the bag. His suspicions were only confirmed when Mattheo shifted his body, pulling the arm carrying the bag away from him, behind his body and out of Tom’s reach. “Why do you have it? When did it arrive?”

Mattheo turned casually, looking down at it, patting it and pushing it back into the bag, deeper. Tom recognised that handwriting now, though, and the urgency swelled. “Uh… last night, I think. But I was a little drunk, so…”

“Why didn’t you give it to me?” Tom pressed, biting his tongue from yelling at his brother, and Mattheo just shrugged. 

“Figured I’d give it to you on the train, or something. Or when we got home. It’s just a letter.”

“Yeah…” Tom could only hum in response, his mind spinning a little. Everyone had exchanged gifts and goodbyes last night, before the party. For exactly this reason, to avoid the morning rush to the train, to avoid the hassle in the morning. “But— I saw her last night. Why wouldn't she just give it to me then? Or mail it to me?” 

The questions were ceaseless, almost making Tom dizzy as he tried to think them through, and Mattheo could only shrug, biting the inside of his cheek to keep his smile to himself. 

“I don’t know, Tom. She just came to me, and asked me to give you that letter because she didn’t want it to get lost amongst other letters, or take too long, or something like that.” It was a small lie, really, fabricated from aspects of the truth.

“So, it’s important, then! It’s obviously important if she couldn't risk it getting lost, if it had to be hand-delivered! I should read it.” Just like that, Tom stepped right into Mattheo’s trap. Now all he had to do was pull the pin, and let the steel jaws snap shut. Yes, it could potentially backfire hugely, but Mattheo was looking on the positive side for this. 

“We have to go, Tom. Everyone else has probably already left for the train.” Mattheo swung his bag again, making his point, and kicked Tom’s suitcase from where it sat beside the door towards him to pick up. “Let’s go.”

Tom sighed, grabbing his bags and taking a few steps after him, and didn’t even make it over the threshold of the door before he gave in. His bags dropped from his hands, and planted on his hips instead. “I’m going to read it.”

“Tom—”

“Give me the letter.” He held out his pal, and Mattheo tipped his head to the side, but pressed his lips together to hide a grin. “I’ll catch up, you go. I’ll read it and I’ll catch up, it’s only a letter, can’t take that long.”

He lunged for Mattheo's bag, snatching the crisply pressed paper from the pocket before his brother could stop him. As he turned away, he missed Mattheo’s victorious smile. “Alright, I’ll take your trunk down. Don’t be long, or you’ll miss the train.” And you’ll miss her, were Mattheo’s unspoken words, as he grabbed Tom’s suitcase and disappeared, leaving him alone. 

Sitting on the edge of his bed, Tom’s hand shook a little. The paper felt like it weighed a thousand tons. There was so much unspoken mystery behind it that Tom was sure whatever this letter said, it was not their usual correspondence. Not the chatty, friendly, borderline flirty letters they’d send each other when apart, this was more. 

Sliding his thumb neatly under the wax seal he was so familiar with, Tom popped open the letter, unfolding it carefully and flipping it around to read. 

His gaze scanned over the paper, lips flicking up at the use of the nickname he only allowed you to use, the swirl of your handwriting that he loved so much. The smile didn’t last long, however, and neither did the breath in his lungs as his chest seized. He read it.

Over and over again, he read the letter. 

The minutes melted past as he absorbed what it said, until he could read the letter word for word without looking at it, tattooed into his mind now like a brand. With trembling fingers, he folded the letter back up carefully, lifting the paper to his lips as his eyes slid shut. 

His heart was pounding, more so than he’d ever felt. Tom was not one for rash decisions and sudden jumps, everything was calculated and thought through and planned. But this, this was you. This is just what you did, forced him to let go of routine and be spontaneous, forced him to be carefree, to loosen the grip he had on the reigns, to show him he wouldn't fall apart at the slightest breeze. 

He smiled against the letter, thoughts of you flicking through his mind. 

And then a clock chimed, and he jumped violently within as he was rushed back to reality in a split second. The clock in the common room chimed loudly, echoing through the empty dorms and halls. 

Rushing to his feet, Tom opened his bag, tucking the letter safely inside one of his books to preserve it, to tuck it inside the box of letters from you that was tucked under his bed at home. You doubted him, his feelings, unsure he’d kept that first letter, when in reality, he’d kept every single one.

Every letter, every note, even the silly little joke you scribbled on torn-off pieces of paper and threw at him in class, he kept them all.

Zipping his bag back up and grabbing it, he had no time to spare, racing to the chimes of the clock through the castle, to the front gates where the final carriage was leaving. 

It felt too long. Too long as the horses plodded through the snow, too long as the wheel scrolled slowly, and his foot tapped agitatedly on the floor in a way he never allowed himself to do. His thumbnail was between his teeth, flicking between the frost-covered ground and his bag, wondering if it would actually be faster to run there himself. 

Ahead, the train sounded its horn. The final warning for all students to begin boarding and settling in, because they’d be departing soon. 

You watched as the trunks were beginning loaded onto the train, all to be collected when you arrived in London, only letting out a breath of relief as Mattheo rounded the corner, finally joining your group. 

“Matty! About time, we were worried you’d miss the train.” Your arms wrapped around his shoulders as he sighed, a little out of breath, and hugged you back once he dropped the two bags in his hands. Nobody followed him, and your brows furrowed, pulling back, “Where’s Tom?”

“He’s probably already on the train, sulking somewhere. He’s never late.” Theo snickered, and you rolled your eyes, smacking him across the shoulder for his joke. 

“Blaise is inside holding a cabin for us, is Tom not sitting with us?” Enzo questioned, and you turned to Mattheo, waiting for answers. 

“He’ll be here, trust me.”

“He’s late?” Draco asked, quickly followed by Enzo and Theo, all discussing it. Regulus stayed quiet, smoking and trying to hide it from being seen, but his expression was just as concerned as everyone else’s. 

The chatter continued on, by your worry didn’t cease, checking up and down the platform as people bustled and crowded it. Saying their final goodbyes and giving out hugs, climbing on and off the train as they all wished one another Merry Christmas, and being unable to see either end was causing your anxiety to rocket higher. 

The train horn blared again, and students began to board. “Mattheo, seriously, where is he—” Just like that, you saw him, the busy platform parting to let him through, the look on his face as terrifying as ever, and people moved out of his way as he made his way towards your group. 

“Told you he’d be here,” Mattheo smirked, and you raised a brow. 

“The hell did you say to him this morning, Matt?” Regulus questions. 

“He looks mad,” Draco murmured. 

“He looks like he’s plotting.” Enzo corrected.

Every step closer rose the tension as Tom finally looked up, his sights setting on you, and his jaw clenched. Brows drawn in, he did look like he was plotting, like a thousand thoughts were racing through his mind that he couldn't sort through. 

“Hey, man. We thought you were gonna’ miss the—” Draco’s words cut off at your squeak, as Tom stepped closer, never stopping the movements of his body until he was cupping your cheeks, his mouth descending upon your own. 

You were almost knocked backwards from the force of it, your hands gripping at his shoulders as he bent you over backwards, a kiss so intense your knees almost went weak. 

It was desperate, you could barely keep up, kissing back as best you could through your shock, until it wore off enough to reciprocate. Wrapping one arm around his neck, your other slipped to his face, his own hands making their way down, to band around your waist and pull you in closer, until your bodies were flush. 

His tongue licked into your mouth, a sigh escaping you as he did, and your heart pounded against your heart, the same way he was doing, felt through his jumper and layers. The boys were whistling, cheering and hooting, and if you weren’t so happy you’d have been embarrassed by the show they were making, and the attention they were no doubt drawing. 

When he finally pulled back, you panted softly, his forehead resting on your own, blinking his eyes open to meet your gaze. 

“Can I write to you regardless?” He mumbled, voice rough and tense with emotion, and your brows furrowed. 

“Wh— What?” 

He leaned in, not helping you clear your dazed mind at all as he kissed you again, and again, until you were smiling, fingers clenched so tight in his coat that your knuckles were white, just to stay upright. 

You pecked his lips once more, chasing him as he pulled back, and the train horn sounded, a final warning, but you didn’t care. “You know how I feel now. You don’t have to wait for my reply. You can be assured that I will miss you dearly over these two weeks, and I am already counting the minutes until I see you again. But can I write to you, still?”

As the realisation set in, your face flamed, jaw dropping a little bit, and he wasted no opportunity, kissing you softly. “You read my letter.”

He only nodded, a gentle chuckle onto your mouth as your lips brushed. “You’d leave it to Mattheo to deliver? He’d probably lose it at a McDonalds, trying to get a Big Mac before my father saw him, on the way home. 

Your laughter was sweet, a puffed-out sound as his hands smoothed up and down your back. “I’d love to get more letters from you, Tommy. I’m sorry I didn’t give it to you in person, but I was scared. I thought I’d made my feelings for you obvious, and you didn’t reciprocate, so I had to write that letter. To get it out, to finalise it all.”

“I like to consider myself a smart man, you know. When it comes to you, clearly, I’m a fool. You leave me speechless, and without proper thoughts, every time. All I can think about is how pretty you are, and how much I like you, despite my best efforts not to.” 

The declaration was so utterly Tom, to hate being in love even if he loved it. 

“For Salazar’s sake, what have you done, Matt?” Theo cussed, and you twisted your head to look at him. “Shakespeare over here is going to be writing sonnets for the rest of the year. None of us will stand a chance with any other girls when he’s showing us up, standing under windows, yelling his love to the moon.”

You rolled your eyes, ignoring their nonsense. Tom did the same, nuzzling his nose against your cheek, and leaving a kiss there.

“I’ll look forward to your letters, just as I did in the summer.” You whisper, pulling away from him as the platform clears, most students already aboard now.

“And after?” Tom questions, “May I still write you letters if I, too, find myself struggling to confess my feelings in person?”

“Oh, God,” Enzo muttered. “He’s going to be writing love letters all year. He’s making the rest of us sound like cavemen. Me, you, bed, now.” He grunted, smacking a fist in his chest. You giggled as Tom rolled his eyes. 

“We should get on the train.” You whisper, taking pity on the others and untangling yourself from his arms. 

Tom took his bag again, and your own. With a final kiss on your cheek, he walked away to the door of the carriage, letting the rest of you follow behind. Mattheo fell into step beside you, smirking as he bumped your hips with his own.

“So, should I tell my mother and father that they have a new daughter-in-law this holiday, or wait ‘til the next.”

His teasing made you blush again, cheeks already red in the cold, warming you under all those layers. “You’re a filthy traitor. You gave him my letter early.”

“I said I’d give it to him ‘tomorrow’. Never agreed to the after the train part.” He tutted, proud of himself. “Always pay attention to the words of a contract. My dear brother taught me that. You never have to break a promise, if you’re smart with your words.”

That sounded exactly like something your man would say, your eyes rolling to the Heavens. 

Mattheo leaned in, voice dropping to a whisper as the pair of you climbed the steps. “You never have to break your heart either, if you’re smart about who you give it to.”

[spdrvyn]

miguel and his sunshine human gf that loves to annoy the shit out of him and sometimes in order to stop her/calm her down he has to put her in an air jail 🤭

ardor and annoyance

miguel and reader who's a bundle of energy and joy. having to tame your late night rituals is no easy task, but it's one that he's always willing to take. what's more important than having your dear lover in bed with you?

pure fluff. reader can be seen as either civilian/spider. is it really one of my fics if i don't write about how much miguel hates himself even by just a little bit

dividers by @cafekitsune

What Miguel learned from being a leader, setting an example, being his mother's son, and serving as a hero was patience. 

It was a value that he had slipped up on from time to time, more often with himself. If he ever found himself at wit's end with someone else, he would mope until it passed or wait to get some precious alone time and healthily expresses his emotions by making a mess of his quarters and breaking down until he'd get tired and just sleep it off, restarting this precious cycle. 

Eventually though, he had begun to no longer exhaust himself by getting angry. Unless the entire multiverse was at stake (ahem), then he'd have to spring into action. But his main priority now is to fix the problem, get it over with, rinse, and repeat. 

When you entered his life, he realized that there was more to his ridiculous routines, more than his self-destructive attitudes, and that true patience came with love and caring as well. Obviously, he's light years away from being content with himself, but you redirect him, navigating through when that dastardly cycle repeats, so that you can wash it away and make him anew. 

Miguel isn't the only one that has his layers peeled back though, there's so much that he notices about you. That composed and mature persona that you set up for yourself, that has built good albeit only professional connections with the other spiders eases its way into a bubbly and joyful demeanor whenever you're around him. 

It almost didn't make sense, Miguel just seemed like the kind of guy to not want to do that with, to not want to relax around. He couldn't even relax on his own, the thought that anyone could feel comfortable in their own skin around him was shoved into the back of his mind. That connection that he so painfully needs is put aside for prioritizing the safety of everyone everywhere else. 

Your true nature is infectious, to his dismay. It's too difficult to avoid the care that you're so insistant on giving him, it started with working overtime, to enjoying working overtime, to going over to Miguel's place for work purposes, to going over to Miguel's place for non-work purposes to kissing him for the first time, and now you're dating. 

The catch with Miguel having let loose around him was that all that conserved energy circulated around his apartment, whenever he got home from another long day at the Society, he'd climb into you doing five different things all at once. Reading, watching a show, watching a baking show, baking a cake, and texting. 

It was hectic, nothing that he couldn't handle, but how you're not on the verge of collapsing probably deep into the trenches of the night concerned him. For slightly more selfish reasons, Miguel doesn't like not having you in bed with him. This wasn't as extreme as the missions he took up at work, but it was a mission nonetheless.

You're... Busy, Miguel doesn't know what with. He sees yarn, he sees cookie dough, he sees a laptop, tablet, phone, and headphones, and so many other trinkets that are buried under the pile that you've built on the kitchen counter. Your focus shifts between each individual station, and Miguel shifts closer and closer to you quietly. 

You're occupied on the laptop, occasionally looking at the stove while you're doing so. Then returning to your yarn and now knitting needles? Before mixing the cookie dough even more and even liking the mixture off of the spoon, humming to yourself contently. 

You don't even notice that Miguel is right behind you, until he secures you against his front and lifts you up with a squeal. 

"Miguel!" You whine, squirming against his solid arms. Your feet swing in the air and you try to push his hands away from your midsection, but there's no use in trying to free yourself when it's with him anyway. 

"Go to sleep. No más tonterías, cariño." His voice is fogged by sleep, as his grasp on you tightens. You turn slightly with what little space that you have and you can see his slumber muddled stature. Tousled hair, relaxed expression, eyes half-lidded, and he raises a brow at your staring. "What?"

"Nothing," you sigh, "I'll go to sleep, you just have to let me go."

Miguel shakes his head, rocking your swinging body from side to sidet to go along with it as well. "No, I don't trust you." There's a humorous fry to it, you accentuate the pout on your lips, and he laughs. 

It takes a little while for you to convince him to put you down, you can't say this is the most uncomfortable position for you. Whenever you're around Miguel, you always wind up in his arms one way or another, but this time that principle is just being used against you. The conversation shifts, less about your captivity, more about Miguel's day, your day, anything new outside, anything new in Spider Society. The position you're in, the silky nature in his voice, it gets you groggy and Miguel can sense it. 

He wins. 

He handles you to the bed properly now, laying your once tireless form onto the comforter as he tucks you in. You don't even try objecting anymore, the stove is still on, the video on your laptop was probably still playing, and that knitting project will have to remain unfinished until tomorrow, but it was fine. You know that everything is fine when Miguel gets into bed with you, pressing his lips to the top of your head in one long kiss. 

He wins this little dispute of yours, but you know that you've won at life knowing that your nights end like this, engulfed in his embrace, the sound of his breathing bringing you to a deep sleep as well. 

[my-writings-and-musings]

The always awesome @stratofall006 and I did an art/fic swap and I asked for Earthspark Bumblebee with a sparkling strapped to his chest. I was not disappointed to say the very least LOOK AT HIM!!!

I was so inspired, in fact, I just had to write a short little something based on the image. Set sometime after Season 1 where Bee and Breakdown have had a bitlet and our beloved Scout is trying to teach his students. I couldn't think of a name for the bitty so just use your imagination.

---

"Kids, my optics are up here."

The five Terrans seated before him in their makeshift outdoor classroom all shrunk upon being called out, but Bumblebee was hardly angry even at the umpteenth interruption. He couldn't blame the kids for struggling to focus, as the tiny bundle strapped to his chest was taking up a sizable chunk of his own attention as well, and they were all struggling to return to the old routine now that he was no longer carrying. Most of his negative emotions were bound up in how delayed Optimus had been in informing him that Breakdown would be needed for a field mission today, leaving him to multitask between teaching and parenting with almost no forewarning...

"Sorry, Bee." Twitch apologized sincerely, big orange optics bringing a soft smile to his face as she tried not to look at the sparkling.

"We really are trying!" Thrash added just as emphatically, making his teacher chuckle in appreciation. If nothing else, their commitment meant a lot to him. The bitlet on his chassis stirred at his laughter, compelling him to look down as her tiny servos flexed for the sky and her stubby pedes kicked in amusement.

"She's just sooo cute!" Hashtag spoke up, saying what they were all thinking. Bumblebee couldn't deny he and Breakdown had produced one of the cutest bitlets he'd ever seen, and that in her harness said cuteness was on full display, rounded frame bouncing in the straps as her optics continued to look around her audience. He was about to try and redirect his class when Hashtag squealed once more at the adorable antics. "Look, she's sticking her tongue out!"

Blowing a messy raspberry for no particular reason, the bitlet quieted when he directed her stubby servo to her mouth, compelling the little one to nom on it. Trying to get the class back on track, the Scout turned teacher turned parent remembered where he'd been interrupted and got back to teaching.

"I know she's cute, but we've got a lot to get through today. Back on topic; the key to remaining undiscovered is to focus-"

"How precious, she's waving at me!" Nightshade interrupted as they clasped their servos together, once more bringing attention to the sparkling. Bumblebee couldn't deny the way they flapped their arms was beyond amusing, and he began to wonder just how on Earth he was supposed to get through his lesson as Nightshade returned the gesture with a polite wave of their claws. "Hello there, little one!"

"Kids-"

"She's waving at me now!" Jawbreaker gushed as the bitlet swapped arms to wave in his direction, compelling Bumblebee to sigh as he completely lost control once more. Not having the energy to keep this up much longer, he considered telling Optimus that unless he wanted the Terrans to fall even more behind on their training, the big bot would start planning to schedule a babysitter when he pulled bots for mission duty. He already knew Breakdown would be handling most of the sparkling related chores tonight...

A tiny sneeze against his chassis brought him out of his dissatisfied quiet, instincts compelling him to check over the sparkling even though he found she had merely had a tickle in her nose. To his students, however, each new action was the most adorable thing they'd ever seen. Their glowing optics told him that a sneeze was no exception.

"Oh my gosh, I got that on film! Let me share it to the group chat!" Hashtag proclaimed as she rapidly tapped away on her tablet, sharing the video with everyone in their circle as the group once more descended into chaos. Sighing as he briefly dipped into the background, the Scout offered a digit to his sparkling and allowed her to chew on it as his students all vied for her attention. Not having the energy to handle much more, he decided to cut his losses and accept that the lesson was done for the day.

"Alright, everyone, let's just... enjoy a day off for now. We'll take it from the top tomorrow." he announced over the din of five excited Terrans, who were now focused on going through the digital album of pictures and videos they'd put together of his sparklings short but precious existence. Not too put off by the chance for a well earned rest, he sat down on a broad stone and allowed the bitlet to continue nomming on his digit, glad that at least one bot was focused on him.

[darkmagyk]

percabeth baby fic/teacher au!

“Constantinople.” Jason said. Ms. Dare nodded, meaning Jason had gotten the question right. He glanced at Dr. Chase to see if she had noticed, if she would give the little nod of approval that all guys on the Jupiter School quiz bowl team craved.

But Dr. Chase wasn’t even looking at them. She and Mr. Jackson, the Juno’s Academy coach, were talking in a low voice, Mr. Jackson showing Dr. Chase something on her phone that was making her frown.

“The 2015 hit movie King of Sparta features this Hollywood leading man?” Mr. Pace asked.

Jason knew this one, he had seen all 4 King of Sparta movies…

Piper, the cutest of the Juno girls, rang in first, and hung her head even as she said “Tristan McLean.”

“Correct.” Ms. Dare said. She glanced down at her tablet to look at the next question, but she was stopped because Mr. Jackson had walked back over to their quiz bowl scrimmage, and put a hand on her shoulder. He leaned down and whispered something to both Ms. Dare and Mr. Pace. Who both nodded.

“I’ll be back,” He said, mostly addressing his Juno students. “I have to go run an errand really quickly.”

Then he left. But it meant Dr. Chase could redirect her attention to the team.

Mr. Jackson was not back through another 2 rounds. But Jason got the coveted Dr. Chase nod 3 times for answering the math questions correctly.

They were nearly tied up, though Jason had just face palmed when Connor had answered “What city was helped by the French, Spanish, and French again before being sold to the United States?” with “Montreal.” Much to Frank and Hazel, who got the answer “New Orleans” correct, chagrin, when Mr. Jackson came back. He was not alone.

In one hand he held a baby carrier were a sleeping infant in a blue onesie and blue beanie, wrapped in a blue knit blanket was laying. On the other side, a slightly older child, but still probably a toddler, was resting on his hip. And trailing after him was a slightly older girl, maybe 4 or 5.

“Sorry, everyone,” He said, “babysitter had an emergency.”

“Isn’t your babysitter Fred?” Mr. Pace asked.

Mr. Jackson nodded.

“What kind of emergency do history professors have?”  Ms. Dare asked.

Mr. Jackson shrugged, “Well, everyone,” He nodded to the teams, “this is Junie,”

The oldest girl waved, but then ran to Ms. Dare, giving her a hug. Which might have confirmed the rumor he had heard from Reyna and Hazel, that Mr. Jackson and Ms. Dare were a couple, if not for the fact that Junie then immediately also hugged Mr. Pace.

“Lucie,” Mr. Jackson said. Setting the very very blonde toddler down on the floor. She stood on a second of slightly unsteady legs, before she found her balance and waved with a wide grin, adding “Hi.”

“And hopefully Sofie will stay asleep.” He slung a bag, a diaper bag Jason guessed, off his shoulder, and started opening it, digging out some duplo blocks and a coloring book and some crayons. With a little bit of effort, and Dr. Chase’s help, the older girls were set up in two of the desks, with the toys, and then they refocused on the practice.

“What three Roman gods made up the Capitoline Triad?”

Oh, good, Jason knew this one. He hit his buzzer.

“Jupiter, Juno, and Minerva.” Everyone looked over where the oldest girl. Junie, was grinning at them, having answered the question.

“Sweetie,” Mr. Jackson said, “this is practice for the big kids. Why don’t you finish coloring a picture for my desk.”

Jason glanced to the back corner of the room where Mr. Jackson’s desk was, and now he could see what looked like a dozen children’s drawing and coloring pages.

“But I’m right,” She said.

“You are,” Ms. Dare agreed, not hiding her smile at all.

“Let’s keep going,” Dr. Chase said.

And then Mr. Pace asked his next question.

“Falling on December 20th or 21st, what is the shortest day of the year?”

“Winter Solstice.”

“Junie,” Mr. Jackson said again, “if you answer all the questions, they students can’t learn.”

“Ok,” She said. Going back to her coloring.

Ms. Dare turned to the next question, “Finished in 1936, this public works project was one of many used to hire people during the great depression.”

Jason paused, he knew this one, it was on the tip of his tongue. Leo’s buzzer beat him to it.

“Hoover Dam.” Mr. Jackson’s daughter said.

“Annabeth Jackson,” And that was Dr. Chase, who Jason knew’s first name was Annabeth. It was an unusual name. Had Mr. Jackson named his daughter after Dr. Chase? “It’s ok to know you’re smart. You don’t have to prove it.”

“Like mother, like daughter.” Ms. Dare joked. Mr. Pace laughed, Dr. Chase shot her a glare.

“Next question.” Mr. Jackson offered.

“Right, yeah,” Mr. Pace read the next question, “What name could you give to an Empire that lasted from 1299 to 1919, or to a small piece of upholstered furniture.”

Oh, that one was easy, too.

“Otto Min.” It wasn’t Junie Jackson who spoke this time. It was the younger one. Lucie. She waved when she saw everyone was looking at her.

Dr. Chase sighed, but Ms. Dare and Mr. Pace broke into a giant about of laughter.

“It’s ok,” Mr. Jackson said, patting Dr. Chase on the shoulder. “She’s just jealous they’ll be on my team when they get older.”

“We’ll win, Daddy,” Junie announced.

“Absolutely,” Mr. Jackson said.

“Did you marry me just to create the ultimate quiz bowl champions?” Dr. Chase asked Mr. Jackson.

“Yep,” Mr. Jackson said.

“I knew it.” Piper announced. She turned to her team, “you all owe me $20.”

[oswildin]

DOMESTIC!LOKI X ND!PARTNER HEADCANNONS

NOTE: please note this is based on my own experiences with being autistic. no neurodivergent person is the same, and everyone’s experiences are different.

Oh, he has a SOFT spot for you, like so soft that it makes even him want to vomit (but he loves it)

He loves that you maybe think a little differently to others. It makes him consider things he hadn’t before. You always make him wonder

He does his best to explain things thoroughly, clearly and slowly, even showing you if needed. He always makes time for you

If he sees you are getting overwhelmed or overstimulated, he’s quick to try and help any way he can - conjuring earphones (he always keeps in his pocket dimension just incase), using his magic to dim the lights or draw the curtains, trying to redirect your attention to something else

If you’re in a busy, noisy place like a supermarket, he will always be watching closely, staying close, even guiding you with a hand on the small of your back in a comforting gesture

Need time alone? Oh yeah, he’s giving you sad puppy dog eyes, but allows you your space, knowing how important it is

Conjures illusions of stars on the ceiling, nebulas, fireworks, anything he thinks you’ll enjoy and keep you calm

Can’t leave the house? No worries, Loki has already cleared your schedule and is busy making your favourite food

Speaking of favourite foods, he always makes sure you have enough stock of your favourite brands/specific snacks. And if one store doesn’t have them, he will go to the next… and the next… maybe even another to make sure he can acquire them for you

Will gladly stroke your hair, your arm, back, wherever he can to help keep you relaxed and happy

Loki can always tell when you’re close to burning out, and makes it his mission to try and ease the blow of it

He set alarms on your phone - when he worked out how - for when you have things to do or tablets to take or anything he thinks you may forget. (He tried post-it notes, but realised they didn’t work, becoming apart of the furniture)

He finds you hilarious. He never laughs at you, it’s always with you, he is never unkind

He also finds you very endearing, how could he not?

Now, if you are having a meltdown, he always asks what he can do, never assuming. He knows sometimes you don’t like to be touched, and sometimes that’s what you need to ground you. He knew it wasn’t the same everytime, and would always follow your guidance

He also knows that he needs to let it happen. Of course, he ensures you don’t hurt yourself, but he understands that you physically need to get out your emotions to feel balanced, less overwhelmed. He never judges you, and unless you want to talk about it, he doesn’t press the matter

If someone ever makes a slight comment or joke about you, oh boy, they better start running

He’s fiercely protective. But he also knows you aren’t a child that needs coddling. But he will always be there to fight your corner

He even will rewatch your favourite shows or films with you, over and over, even reciting some of the dialogue with you, just happy to see you happy

Loki also will listen when you speak excitedly and passionately about your interests, trying his best to remember as much as he can, even though sometimes he struggles when your fixation changes quickly

He takes the lead in social situations, after all he loves the attention, letting you speak when you feel comfortable, but will also involve you subtly and gently to ease you into the conversation

Mirroring! He will gladly mirror you if you need to do something, anything to spend time with you

In short, he thinks you are a complex, wonderful, brilliant person, who is witty, kind and misunderstood by most people. He relates to you because he too has been misunderstood by others, and he finds comfort in having someone else who knows how it feels, even if he wishes you don’t know how it feels

He knows your struggles are very real, and never judges, never belittles, and loves you no matter what kind of day you are having

[yukidragon]

Sunny Day Jack - Growing Old Together

I've been trying to encourage myself to write more on impulse rather than get stuck in my head so much. Soooo, when this particular thread on twitter popped up about an older Joseph aging like fine wine and snuggling up to his sunshine in the morning, I got inspired.

This is an off the cuff first-draft drabble that might be a bit rough. There's some hints of spice to it, but mostly it's just marshmallow fluff about Joseph and Mary in an AU where they were able to grow old together and have their happy ending. (Unlike the main timeline.) I hope you enjoy this peek into what might have been.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

...

The house felt so big and empty after the kids moved out, all grown up now and living their own lives. It took Mary time to get used to the quiet after so many years filled with the sound of children shouting and laughing.

The past decades passed by so quickly with days that were long, but years that ultimately were so painfully short.

The passage of time made Mary all the more thankful that Joseph had been with her throughout it all. He was still here with her, just like he promised so many years ago.

Sometimes in the quiet, Mary remembered the incident from 40 years ago, the gunman that almost took the stars from her sky. It was a miracle that the bullet merely grazed its target. What remained was a scar on weathered skin that left a notch in a hairline that now had more gray hair than brown. She traced and kissed that scar countless times while thanking God that it, and a scary memory, were all that were left behind that day. She did it again now, just the lightest touch of her lips against his marred skin so as not to rouse her beloved husband from his slumber.

The thoughts weren’t exactly sad, but they held enough of a somber edge that Mary couldn’t get back to sleep despite the early hour. Usually she and Joseph slept in late ever since they retired and the kids left for college, but not this morning. These were the sort of thoughts that she knew by now could fester if she remained idle.

It was a shame to leave the warmth of their bed and the big, strong arms that held her so close, but Mary couldn’t bring herself to wake Joseph. He looked so tranquil, the wrinkles on his face just a little smoother. His breaths came slow and steady, a gentle background noise to the otherwise quiet morning.

With some regret, Mary slipped free of her husband’s arms with practiced ease. The hardest part was stretching out the stiffness in her muscles without making a noise. It seemed like every year she found a new ache that slowed her down and made it even harder to get started in the morning.

Yet, there was an undercurrent of triumph in observing evidence of the passage of time. Every wrinkle and silver hair and ache that showed her age was a reminder that she was still living far beyond that damned expiration date she had been given so many years ago.

Take that, Dr. Wheiz! Mary thought with a vindictive smile. She would outlive that stupid pediatrician yet!

Still, Mary tried to redirect her thoughts away from the shadow of death that had so nearly taken her or her beloved husband. They were alive, and she wanted to focus on living.

What better way to do that than by making a nice, tasty breakfast?

The kitchen was far enough away from their bedroom that Mary could risk playing some music at a low volume, a nice jaunty tune to help her wake up. It was a shame that the radio stations’ definition of “oldies” was pop songs from the start of the millennium, but the tablet her eldest gifted her for her birthday had plenty of her favorite music loaded up and ready to let her relive a little nostalgia.

Mary let herself get lost in her work, idly humming along to the chorus as she swayed her hips a little from side to side. Measuring, mixing, and watching the little disks turn a beautiful golden brown in the sizzling pan recentered her thoughts to focus on the delicious meal she would soon be enjoying with the best company she could ever ask for.

A pair of large hands stilled her swaying hips, and Mary jumped, just a little, before a wry chuckle escaped her. She allowed herself to be pulled back into the broad chest she knew so well. Joseph was softer than he was in his prime, especially around the middle, but that just made him the perfect pillow to snuggle into.

“Good morning, Sunshine,” Joseph said around a yawn as he nuzzled into his wife’s shoulder. His voice was thick with sleep and deeper than usual, sending a shiver down her spine when he spoke so close to her ear.

“Good morning, Starlight,” Mary said as she turned her head to plant a kiss on her husband’s cheek. His stubble lightly scratched her skin where he brushed against her, a bit ticklish and a bit sharp, but not an unpleasant sensation.

“What’s for breakfast?” Joseph asked before he gave a kiss in return on her neck. He smiled against her skin as he felt her shiver a little, and he kissed her again to enjoy another.

“Pancakes,” Mary said. “And maybe some eggs and bacon while I’ve got the skillet out.”

Joseph nuzzled into his wife’s mostly silver hair, planting kisses among the soft strands. He wasn’t quite awake yet, still clinging to the sweet dreamy haze he woke up in. “Mmm… sounds good. Blueberry?”

“Maybe,” Mary said with a teasing note to her voice. “Or maybe we can change things up a little. How do chocolate chip pancakes sound?”

A quiet grunt escaped Joseph, and Mary could easily imagine his pouty look from the way he grumbled into her hair. “Not as good as blueberry.”

Mary giggled as she slid the pancake she had just finished onto a plate. “Now, now, you don’t need to sound so disappointed. Sometimes it’s good to switch things up a little.”

Joseph made a wordless sound of disapproval at the back of his throat as he slid his arms around her middle and rested his chin atop her head. It was a toothless protest, and Mary knew it.

“No one makes better blueberry pancakes than you do,” Joseph said, his voice a low rumble that Mary could feel run through her entire body due to their closeness. “Remember what I told you? I could eat your blueberry pancakes every day for the rest of my life.”

Mary shivered at the sound of his voice and the way his large hands idly rubbed circles along her stomach. The motion wasn’t intended to be seductive, just an idle appreciation for the softness of her body, but even after all these years Joseph had a way of sparking that special heat inside of her like no one else could.

“You’re in luck then,” Mary said with a slightly shaky breath, dropping the tease from her tone. “Because that’s what I’m making.” With that she made a show of drawing a ladle full of batter, scooping in as many big ripe blueberries as she could, and drizzling it into the pan with a satisfying sizzle.

Joseph blinked before a chuckle escaped him as his sleepy mind caught up with his wife’s little game. He tilted his head to rub his cheek along the top of her head, drawing her just that little bit closer into him. “You really know how to spoil me, Sunshine.” He sighed deeply, his warm breath stirring shiny errant strands of her hair. “Mary… I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Joseph,” Mary said as she reached up to stroke his cheek. She savored the contours of his jawline that had softened with age, the pleasant prickle of stubble that trailed all the way down his neck. Most of all, she enjoyed the pleased hum he made at her touch and the way he tried to nuzzle into both her hand and hair all at the same time. “More than anyone else in the world.”

Joseph sighed, content, as he savored the warmth that radiated from his sunshine nestled so cozy and close in his arms. The music changed from some upbeat tune to something slower, a bit jazzy. He swayed to the easy rhythm, turning their embrace into almost a slow dance.

Mary enjoyed the feeling for a moment, but let out a chuckle when she found it a challenge to flip the pancake neatly. “Starlight, love of my life, apple of my eye, my dearest wish come true… you know I love you, but it’s a bit difficult to cook like this.”

Joseph closed his eyes as he rested his cheek atop his wife’s head, his body still rocking with hers in time to the music. “Mm hmm?”

A small chuckle escaped Mary. “So as much as I love you holding me so close, maybe you should step back for a bit, hmm?”

Joseph let out a thoughtful hum as he took a moment to consider the proposition, before finally burying his face into her hair. “Nah. Let’s stay like this a bit longer.”

Mary couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh come on.”

“I’m staying where it’s nice and cozy,” Joseph said teasingly before burying his face into her neck. “So warm…”

Mary shivered at the feeling of his breath, his lips, and the scruff along his skin brushing along her neck. Though the smell of sweet pancakes filled the air, she couldn’t help but focus on her husband’s scent, a heady musk that still had a bit of smokiness to it even long after he quit smoking before the kids were born. She couldn’t help but turn a little bit more towards him to breathe him in, the scent of home. “Joseph…”

“Five more minutes,” Joseph said, his voice a low, throaty murmur that vibrated through her skin. “Just five more minutes…”

Mary shook her head a little as she let out a wry chuckle, both at her husband’s familiar clinginess and how quickly she always caved to his needy pleas. “Okay, five-”

“No, wait,” Joseph said quickly. “Ten more minutes. I want ten more minutes like this.”

“Oh come on,” Mary mock groaned as she rolled her eyes towards her husband. “You really are spoiled, aren’t you?”

“I can’t help it,” Joseph chuckled before he stole a kiss from his sunshine’s lips. “You’ve thoroughly spoiled me rotten, Sunshine, and this dog is too old to learn any new tricks now.”

“What have I done?” Mary asked with theatrical dismay as she turned her eyes towards the ceiling and made dramatic sweeping gestures in the air with her spatula. “I’ve turned my sweet puppy husband into a koala bear! Now we’re stuck like this forever.”

Joseph couldn’t help but laugh at his wife’s antics and smirked smugly as he rested his chin atop her head again. “That’s right, Sunspot. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me forever and ever and ever. Nothing’s ever going to pull us apart.”

“Not even… pancakes with chocolate chips?” Mary asked, adding an overly dramatic emphasis to her words.

Joseph let out a sufficiently horrified gasp. When Mary tried to squirm away, reaching for the refrigerator, he snatched her by the wrist and pulled her back towards him. “Oh no you don’t, Sunspot!”

The hold on her was firm, but Mary knew it was still breakable. She could wriggle free if she really wanted. No matter how tightly Joseph held her, he always allowed her to slip away whenever she needed to. No matter how many times he restrained her with his large hands, his bulky body, or even some silk ties, she never felt scared or trapped. He always had a way of making her feel safe, secure, and loved. She knew that if she really wanted him to let her go or step back to give her space, he would, even if he might pout a little doing so.

But she didn’t. In the end, Mary could never resist Joseph when he was clingy and needy like this. She could put up a token resistance, try to escape, but she could never resist the excitement of having him chase after her. The way he pawed at her body as she squirmed against him made her feel like they were in their twenties again, young, in love, and horny as hell for one another.

Mary continued to squirm against her husband, twisting her body around in his grasp as she made for the fridge, before gasping as Joseph kissed the sensitive inside of her wrist. He gazed deeply into her eyes as he took the time to mark a trail down her arm, his tongue occasionally flicking across her soft skin. He took advantage of the way his burning gaze pinned her in place to grind his hips into hers, and she could feel the hardness starting to grow against her.

“Fuck, Mary…,” Joseph groaned against her skin, his deep voice sending a shiver down her spine that settled between her legs where he rubbed himself against her, turning into a delicious heat that had her arching into him. “Keep that up, and I’ll be having you for breakfast instead of blueberry pancakes.”

Mary felt a thrill run through her as she saw the hunger in her husband’s eyes. Even after all these years together and all the unflattering ways time had changed her body, the fact that Joseph could still look at her like that always left her breathless.

Time changed Joseph as well, but she enjoyed snuggling into the softness of his once hard edges. The lines at the corners of his eyes were markers of how many times she made him laugh, the ones around his mouth a testament to his countless bright and beautiful smiles.

They made a life together. It wasn’t perfect, and sometimes there were stormy days that cast a shadow over them, but they always managed to find a way to keep each other warm. The fire of love and passion still burned between them, as brilliant and beautiful as it always had been.

Unfortunately, the smell of smoke wound up interrupting the steamy moment. Mary yelped and quickly scrambled to get the burnt pancake onto a plate before it could char further.

“Oops,” Joseph yelped as he straightened up to allow Mary greater ease of movement. “I guess I should’ve stuck with five minutes after all.” He rubbed the back of his neck, giving her a sheepish look. “Sorry.”

Mary shot Joseph with a reproachful gaze. “How about we save dessert until after breakfast, okay?”

“Right,” Joseph chuckled awkwardly. “Don’t worry, I’ll take that one. Even burnt pancakes still taste good when they’re made with love.” He threw in a wink and a cheeky smile. “That’s why you taste so good after all.”

“Joseph!” Mary squealed as though scandalized. “You’re incorrigible!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Joseph laughed as he held up his hands in mock surrender. His expression softened as he gave her a tender smile and reached out to cup her cheek. “I just can’t help it when I’m with you, Mary.”

Mary leaned into his palm and whatever annoyance she felt melted away like butter on a hot skillet. It was impossible for her to hold onto any negative thoughts or feelings for long when she was with Joseph. With him around, the bad times weren’t as hard to handle, and the good times were even more wonderful. She hardly felt the years that seeped into her bones and made them ache. With him, time didn’t matter. They weren’t lonely children or struggling twenty-somethings lost in a vast world anymore, but she didn’t feel old and withered either. All these years allowed them to grow together like two trees twining together, growing strong enough to weather any storm.

“I feel the same way,” Mary murmured. “I love you, Joseph.”

“I love you too, Mary,” Joseph said before he pulled her back into his arms and pressed his lips to hers. When he drew back, he gave her a bright smile. “How about I help you finish cooking breakfast? Two sets of hands are better than one, you know.”

“Okay,” Mary said before flashing her husband a teasing grin. “But let’s try to keep those hands cooking instead of fondling, okay?”

Joseph reached over to take the spatula from Mary. His touch lingered on her fingers, sliding along them and her palm longer than necessary before he relieved her of the utensil. He flashed her a cheeky grin that she knew all too well and loved more and more as the years went on.

“No promises~”

[escapingrealtiylovinginsanity]

Will Halstead: Roommate 

Short and sweet. I’m considering making it into a series (will turn romantic) if anyone is interested.  

You saw the fiery red hair and redirected to him quickly. “Dr. Halstead,” Will stopped and turned around to see you. His brows furrowed in confusion.  

“I think you got the wrong Doctor. I didn’t page for a social worker.” Will looked back down at his medical tablet reading over a patient file. You shake your head tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. 

“This isn’t about work actually. It’s about your apartment- are you still looking for a roommate?” Will’s brown eyes shoot up to yours. Glancing over you he looks back at his tablet. 

“I don’t think that is a good idea.” He dismisses it without much thought.  

“Why not?”  

“Because having a roommate of the opposite sex is never a good idea.” He offers bluntly as he starts walking back towards the ED. You started following behind him not ready to be written off.  

“Oh, come on that is so stereotypical. There is no evidence of that.” When he continues walking you sigh loudly and grab his arm forcing him to stop and look at you. “Look,” You glance around the empty hallway before returning your gaze to him. “I’m busy right now. I’m working on my master's and working full time plus I have internship hours I have to do. I’ll basically never be home. When I am I’ll most likely be sleeping or doing homework.” Will tilts his head but you can still see the indecision. “Fine, I’m not one to bring my personal life into this hospital but my boyfriend just cheated on me and I can’t stay at his apartment anymore. I’d move in with my best friend but since she was the one he was fucking that isn’t really going to work either. I can’t afford to live on my own right now. I don’t have a lot of options. Besides, have you found any better offers?”  

Will posture drops and his eyes soften. You weren’t sure if it was sympathy or pity but at this point, you were ready to cash in on whatever you could. He finally questioned, “You’re not worried about it being difficult to live with me?” 

You shake your head and give him a shrug with a jaded smile. “Like I said I’m going to be really busy. I just need a roof over my head and a place to sleep right now. I mean, you're not planning on fucking any of my future boyfriends, right?” 

“No,” Will’s face scrunches in disgust and then relaxes into amusement at you. 

“Then we shouldn’t have any problems.” You turn to head back to your department, “Just text me the address.” 

[kneelingshadowsalome]

Man-Sized

3/9 Hope is a Dangerous Thing

Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x F!OC

Tags: Explicit content, +18 audiences only. Smut, romantic angst, fluff. An unapologetic LOVE STORY. Sexual tension, mutual pining, banter, flirting, developing relationship, strangers to lovers. Simon Riley has a dark past (partly inspired by Modern Warfare 2: Ghost comics).

CW/TW: References to PTSD, depression, past torture and abuse in later chapters.

Summary: A uni student who pole dances at a strip club to pay her rent encounters a mysterious giant of a soldier seemingly incapable of falling in love.

She googled the name Simon Riley and found close to nothing. He wasn't on Facebook or any other social media platform, and she was pretty sure he had given her a false name until a short news article popped up. It was in some Manchester local paper, and from almost 20 years ago. He had won medals in local school olympics, and even with the black and white raster image and a 20 year younger, estimated 90 pounds skinnier Simon Riley, she could recognize that jaw and those eyes.

Days passed by, and he sent her a message every night. They communicated only through text – he never called. It felt like she was living in the turn of the century, the way he refused to use social media or any messaging app. He asked her how her school was, what classes she was taking at the moment, and if work was good. She sent her a photo every night before going to sleep; it simply became a habit. Some were cuter, some were naughtier, but he always expressed his gratitude with a sly, sexy comeback that made her think she might actually be the only girl Simon was texting with.

He rarely disclosed anything about his work, and never sent another picture even when she tried to request one in a roundabout way. She soon stopped fishing for more details of his work because he always redirected the conversation elsewhere. All she knew was that he was used in some special operations of a private, international company. And from what she could deduce from that one single picture he had sent her, the company he worked for had a lot of money.

The headset, the tactical gear, the weapon she distinguished with another profound googling session to be some sort of an assault rifle… All that shit spoke the language of international investors with certain political interests. Simon was doing something that most likely included hybrid warfare, clandestine operations, dealing with nuclear threats and bio-weapons and whatnot.

She wondered why he had been so trusting; after all, she knew his whole name now and knew it wasn't an alias but his real, actual childhood name. Not that she was any kind of threat. Perhaps that was why…

But what made her a bit depressed was that he also didn't seem to regard her as someone he needed to protect. By staying in contact with him, she supposed she was taking at least some kind of a risk. But Simon didn't seem to care. It was both exciting and infuriating to keep in touch with a man like him.

After six days of excited, heated messaging, he sent a text "Off to work." It wasn't that cryptic; she figured it meant that he wasn't to be disturbed or that he wouldn't be able to talk for a while.

A while… that turned into a week.

She found herself zoning out in dull classes, thinking about what Simon was doing right now. Was he infiltrating some foreign military base, or going on a mission to prevent a hijacking, or storming a terrorist compound, or… whatever the fuck soldiers like himself did.

She began her day with a caffeine overdose and then went to listen to some professor talk about medieval manuscripts or Dante Gabriel Rossetti or curse tablets of ancient Rome, only to realize she was thinking about Simon firing his assault rifle in another continent with a skull mask on. She kept thinking about whether he was in danger, whether he would come back, whether she would ever see him again.

The while turned into another week, and she began to get anxious. Should she text him and ask how he was doing? Ask “You still at work?” or “What about that date?”

The last message she had sent was a reply to his work announcement. Have fun! — from 17 days ago.

17 days.

Was he dead?

His message It's your fault if I get killed now seemed more like a gloomy prediction of a future without Simon Riley.

But at the beginning of the third week of silence, she realized she had just been an idiot. Simon wasn't dead or injured or taken prisoner or anything like that.

He had simply forgotten about her.

He had realized she was not a Bond girl after all, but just another boring chick. He had found someone better. Something like that. A man like him could have pretty much any woman on this planet if he wanted to.

That was just the way the world was built.

She wouldn't say that she was depressed. She wouldn’t admit that she was devastated. She just needed a little time to clear her head.

It was difficult to sleep, and school felt more boring than ever. Work just reminded her of him. One day, she nearly fell from the pole while doing a simple straddle because she saw a man looking like Simon walk in the club.

He had given her an exorcism, only to replace the demons that haunted her with himself. Now she needed an exorcism from Simon, but no one knew how to do that.

She just needed to give it time, sleep it away, study it away… Distractions filled her day, and still, she refreshed their conversation every night before going to sleep, as if it was a fault in her phone that prevented his messages from reaching her. And felt like a stupid bitch, a lovesick fool while doing so.

And then, one Tuesday afternoon, after almost four weeks, he appeared at her uni.

She was arriving from a class that had just ended when she hurried past a man she had been pining for for 25 days.

"You working tonight?"

Hearing that voice in a place she had least expected to hear it made her shoulders shoot up and her breath get caught in her throat as she stopped and turned around.

"Jesus…- You scared me."

He laughed and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Boo."

"When did you… What are you doing here?"

She didn't say I'm happy to see you. I missed you. That would've sounded too desperate. Right? Even after 25 days.

He looked her up and down, and her knees felt like pudding.

"I like to stalk school girls."

She tried to suppress her smile. God, she had missed that cheeky humour.

"Pervert. No, I don't have a shift tonight."

"Then I can finally take you out on that date."

It was like her dreams had suddenly come true in one single minute. She went from a bird with a broken wing to Icarus flying toward the sun.

"What do you have in mind?"

"You'll see."

He was even taller than she remembered, broader, even when he was wearing all black. People were staring at them, staring at him, because he certainly didn’t look like someone who studied in the Art and Culture Department.

"How did you even know I was here right now?"

"Doesn't really need a rocket scientist to find that out, luv."

Right. But the fact that he had made the effort to dig up what classes she took, when and where, and then come and surprise her like this, made her heart ache. He gave her another once-over, and she squeezed her bag against her chest like that could shield her from the searing gaze.

"You look hot."

And that definitely made her blush… She was an umptieth year student and didn't bother to take pains anymore when she dragged herself in the class. She had her comfiest ballerinas on, her hair was tied to a simple ponytail, and she had no foundation, no mascara, only a bit of her favourite lipstick on. She was wearing a huge, flowy skirt the color of a Halloween pumpkin and a black, simple turtleneck — while perhaps neat and cute in this environment, to him, she would've thought she looked more like a librarian. Far from a hot Bond girl who danced at a strip club with curled hair and cat eye makeup.

"Um.."

"Such a diligent little student."

It seemed he did have an actual thing for school girls, even if they were almost 30 years old. She would never have guessed that this would send him itching. If Simon preferred the girl next door look to her being half-naked on a stage with a pole, then perhaps she did have a chance after all.

"I knew you were a good girl but I didn't know- "

"Stop it, people can hear you," she hissed while, in truth, feeling quite exalted by that good girl talk. She grabbed him by the arm, and he allowed her to guide him out of the building while looking perfectly content with himself and what he was doing to her.

They began the walk to her place so she could shower and get changed for whatever he had in mind for that date. The complete turnaround in her mood, the shot of hormones and giddy feelings and butterflies in the stomach left her feeling shaky. Even the colors seemed more vivid all of a sudden. It was a bit frightening how one single person could change the whole world in a second, have a remedy for all the shit she had been rolling in for the past week. Or two weeks. Or three.

"Sorry that it took so long. Work was... a bit of a challenge."

"It's okay."

Well, it really was not, but she would rather die than tell him that.

"It's better if you don't know where I am and when. I hope you understand that."

Safety measures for her sake after all. Now she felt almost flattered that he hadn't told her he was coming. Jesus...

"Yeah. Sure," she tried to sound neutral about it, but the sudden shyness that had taken over made it sound like she was being passive-aggressive. "I mean, I didn't expect you to entertain me every night."

Well, that sounded even more sour and pathetic… She snapped her mouth shut and tried to calm her heart that was racing from his presence, his scent which had been only a memory until now.

"So, what will you become when you graduate? A historian?”

"I’ve always wanted to work in a gallery. You know, as an art curator or something like that."

"Hm. Ambitious."

She wasn’t entirely sure if he was mocking her, but she laughed. In the culture business, it was a sought-after position, but of course it wouldn't seem like much to someone who wasn’t familiar with the art world.

"What about you? What do you wanna be when you grow up?"

"Alive."

Simon's humour was dark, but after seeing that picture of him, she knew he meant what he said. And she realized that it wasn't perhaps one of her most brilliant ideas to get attached to a man who could actually be killed.

When they got to her place, she went straight to the shower and left the door open, secretly wishing that he would be the one to sneak in this time. But he never showed up, and when she stepped into her small living room, she found Simon had dozed off on her sofa. He barely fit her neat little couch and was lying on his stomach, with one hand dangling out and brushing the floor. The soft snore made it clear that he was very tired and not just chilling in a very relaxed position.

It was a cute sight, downright adorable.

But it also hurt her heart. What made him so exhausted, time after time, month after month? He wouldn’t tell her, and it was futile to ask. The man was overloaded with stress and things ordinary civilians had no clue about. She had no clue about.

He must think of her as a harmless little mouse who knew nothing of the world's darkness. And she didn't. She had her own demons and traumas, but didn't everybody? Simon, on the other hand, seemed to have the combined lives of a gladiator, spy, and war veteran. He had access to a reality that was out of sight and mind for the rest of the civilized world.

Was Simon a good guy or a bad guy? Was he a hero that saved people, or a soldier who executed orders of rape, torture, and kill?

These were questions she had never thought she would need to find answers to. The guys she had dated had been equally as harmless as her. If not even more harmless. And that was saying something.

When she had dressed, she walked to him and heard how the snoring stopped immediately.

Simon was awake and listening. He had woken just from a few soft steps, from her tiptoeing and kneeling beside the sofa, and she wondered if he had been trained for this; to wake up when someone was sneaking up on him. The thought was both gruesome and spine-tingling.

But she hadn’t meant to steal his precious sleep. And if he was so exhausted, he should sleep and not take her out…

Now that he was supposedly awake, she dared to raise a hand and caress his back, remembering what he had said in the shower when she had stroked him. His upper back was tense, even when he was lying relaxed like this, and she felt pity: someone should give this man a back rub, a whole body massage to get those muscles loose. Get some blood flowing. She caressed him with the back of her palm, then slowly traced every little vertebra of his spinal column with two fingers.

He was using both one of the cushions and her sweater as a pillow. Something in the sight of him pressed against her old, snug woolen shirt made her hand come to a halt somewhere on his lower back.

“Don’t stop,” he muttered, sleepy against the softness of her home and hand. She had to fight back the reflexive flinch: his voice was always so rough, even when he whispered and the words were muffled by the support his head was resting on.

“You have tension in your back,” she told him, not knowing why she was whispering too. It wasn’t like he was about to dart off from a sudden noise.

He merely purred for an answer, still sounding drowsy and half-asleep. How disarmed and defenseless he seemed now… On that little couch, under her gentle touch.

“I need to buy you a massage gift card for Christmas,” she blurted and regretted it immediately.

Buy him a Christmas present? As if they were some kind of a couple already… As if this wasn’t barely the second time they were spending time together.

At first, Simon didn’t show any signs of wanting to escape that hopeful suggestion of them becoming something more than just fuck buddies someday. But then he suddenly turned, and she took her hand away.

“I’d rather have you massage me,” he offered with a soft smile and a dreamy stare.

Good. Good, everything was good..

She hadn’t ruined it, hadn’t lost another poker game to this man. She still had cards to play.

She noticed the obvious signs of his arousal and felt wild in the breeze of the moment. Or perhaps she wanted to brush away what she had just said — and make him forget it too.

She reached for his pants to take them off, and he helped her with them, clearly having no objections to what she was about to do. Which was giving him a blowjob that would erase the traces of him thinking he had an obligation to buy her a present for this Christmas.

When she took him in her mouth, he grabbed the edge of the sofa as if the situation was a little too much for him.

"Didn't see that coming…"

His voice had an edge of trepidation to it. Uneasiness, almost worry. But he must've liked it, for he eased into it shortly after, slumped back onto the couch, and spread his legs in relaxation. She guided her frustration and doubts into the blowjob, tried to turn into someone else — to that girl from the stage. The Bond girl he had met, the woman of his dreams: just anything but a meek little woman who rarely left her house except for class or work.

She was fully present, not sloppy at all, almost felt like a magician as she forced groans out of him and felt his balls pull taut under her touch. He would never fit inside her mouth completely, but she tried her best.

She sure as hell made an effort.

"You must've really missed m- ah… Fuck.."

It was pretty evident that he enjoyed it. After those weeks at work, perhaps this was what he had wanted all along? To come somewhere safe, some place completely different, and throw himself on a soft couch for a quick nap before some homely girl came to give him a few caresses and a blowjob.

She swirled her tongue around the tip, gave him a little suck, then took him in as far as she could and felt him all the way at the back of her throat.

"Bloody hell Sarah..."

It couldn't be that good…

But he was all but melting under her tongue and touch. Was it just that it had been so long, or was this a rarity in his life? She'd thought that women touched him often, but apparently, they didn't. Or then he didn't allow them to.

Perhaps Simon didn't allow himself to be touched by women. He made love to them and fucked them against a wall in the shower, but he didn't get attention and caresses and blowjobs.

Well, this was news.

It didn't take too long before he came with a hoarse grunt that nearly made her shrink from him. It sounded both sublime and painful, and sent ripples of gold in her stomach and a pang of wet heat between her legs. The load was generous, but she didn't pull away, briefly wondering how awkward it would be to choke on his cum the second time they met. It had been a while for him, then, and she felt disappointed. It wasn't anything special after all, merely the cause of him not having had the opportunity, desire, or time to fap.

His chest was heaving, and she had made a mess in her attempt to swallow it all while keeping everything under control. With Simon, she wasn’t in control, and she had no choice but to accept it.

He reached a hand to absentmindedly caress her hair, and she rested her head on his thigh — but they didn't stay that way for long, for he stirred, and she had to draw back.

"Your turn," he suddenly rose from the couch while still looking like someone who was about to pass out. He got out of his pants, pulled his shirt over his head, threw it somewhere on the floor, and hauled her up in a bridal carry. He literally swept her off her feet and carried her to the bedroom, and she must’ve looked like a deer in headlights.

Because Simon was and wasn't safe.

He had strength, charisma, and forearms to die for, but he didn't feel like someone she would choose to tell her every secret, someone who she would call if she needed help. He came into her world and walked out of it like there was a swinging door between the two of them.

He didn't commit. Which meant that she couldn't commit. Which furthermore meant that she had trouble getting wet.

As infuriating as it was, dark and dangerous didn't exactly turn her on. This wasn't dating; this was more like an adventure or a roller coaster ride. She didn't know what phase they were in because the usual dating-related stuff was off the board. There was nothing to hold on to.

He laid her on the bed, crawled next to her, then reached a hand under another skirt she had chosen for going out with him.

"Perhaps later," she whispered as his hand was already traveling up her thigh. She almost took those words right back when she saw the obvious hurt flash in his eyes. She didn't know if she had de a chip to his pride or if it was something else, but he clearly hadn't expected her to say no to him again.

"Why won't you let me touch you?"

"I…"

She didn't know what to tell him.

What could she say? That she felt unsafe with him? That wasn't even entirely true.

She couldn't tell him that she needed trust and commitment while knowing he couldn't give them to her. Her shy silence stretched on, and the frightened state she was in only worsened when he stared at her, tilted his head, and wouldn't remove his hand.

Then he kissed her — unhurriedly, languidly, and the hand just stayed there under the skirt, pressed against her thigh, firm and broad. Only after she answered his kiss with a shy hunger did he move it further up, up — until it came to rest on her sex.

The kissing finally did it: at some point, she could feel the sudden rush of wetness down below. Her lips trembled when he pulled away only an inch and looked into her eyes while their breaths danced in between their lips. His palm moved only a tiny bit; he was soothing her, coaxing her to open for him. Eventually, his fingers met the soaked spot on her panties, and she swallowed. There was a slight twitch at the corner of his lips, just a tiny little hint that he knew he was doing it right.

"Did you like the picture I sent you?"

Oh fuck.

"Um, yeah.."

He pressed a finger against the center of her wetness, covered only by the thin fabric, and she tried to draw breath as inaudibly as she could.

"Did you get wet?"

So fucking cocky…

"Yes, she whispered against his lips, which finally curved into a small smile.

"Come again?"

"Yes."

The smile widened into a smirk as he moved to slip underneath the fabric. Her folds parted without effort as he guided his finger over her, the length and thickness now resting on her entrance and all the wetness that only increased by the second. She was blinking and breathing shallowly against his mouth while he simply continued to drink in every sign of her unease and arousal.

"Is that why you asked for more?"

Oh God… 

"Yes. Would you just-"

"Begging already?"

He was so… infuriating. So cocky, so damn self-confident… It drove her crazy.

"No."

Something flickered in his eyes, a twinkle of endearment.

And not just a twinkle. It was bold, blazing mischief. Shit… She was fucked.

"I'll make you beg."

Oh my God…

He moved even lower, then dipped one finger in, so deep that she was left blinking again. Her mouth opened, then closed, and she realized she must be looking like a fish on dry land. He pulled out, and she wanted to protest, but her pride stood in the way. The moisture was spread all over her folds, especially over the tight, sensitive bud that had been left without attention for so long from the sadness and hopelessness, from her having thought Simon wouldn't come back. She couldn't even touch herself because she had already gotten used to thinking about him when she did that.

A shaky little moan finally hit his lips, and he kissed her again while drawing a circle on the bud, sweeping a few strokes across her folds, then driving two fingers in. Slowly, lovingly. The laced fabric that was stretched to give him space must be sodden by now, but he wouldn't pause to take it away. He just continued to fuck her slowly with his fingers while holding that kiss, holding her steady with his mouth only.

He had taken her hesitation as a challenge, and she wondered if she was some kind of a challenge to him overall. If something in her made him want to break her, get to the bottom of her, get a reaction out of her… And he was succeeding splendidly. She was everything but frigid now. He only needed a finger or two to make her like this. And perhaps that voice of his. That stupid cockiness.

He left her mouth and pulled out, only to finally reach for her poor underwear and take it off. She didn't object this time, but when he moved between her legs and she realized he was about to replace those panties with his face, she jerked away from him.

"Hold on…"

"Nah. You hold on."

He wouldn't relent. He simply pressed his mouth against her pussy which, by now, was wet to the point of leaking, and grabbed hold of her hips as if to remind her that she couldn't get away even if she tried. She could only sink back to the bed and let him have his way: to embark on a mission to make her beg.

And she did beg, eventually, when he pressed his tongue flat against her and plunged it inside, and sucked her clit and did it all with such infuriating patience and laid-back attitude that it made her squirm against him. He caressed her with his tongue, those lips, caressed her with his thumb before guiding it inside as well while kissing her thighs, now wide open for him.

She didn't beg with words, but she did coat the air with sighs and moans that must've stroked his ego like nothing else. Even the stubble did its job: it didn’t sting. It only drove her more mad. She could hear him chuckle against her occasionally, could feel him smile in her pussy as he ruined her with that mouth. Even the intrusive thoughts of whether Simon had done this to dozens of women before her and would do it to dozens after her didn't prevent her from approaching the peak in minutes, mere minutes…

Just as she was about to grasp his hair for support, to brace herself for the incoming, he withdrew. The bastard rose to sit and left her shaking and whimpering.

"Wh-… why did you…"

He was licking his lips, smiling, and stroking himself, fully erect again. The fact that he was hard from pleasing her with his mouth, left her feeling even more weak.

"You want it?"

"Fucking hell, Simon." She knew how she must look: dripping wet, with desperation in her eyes and a shaky curse on her lips.

"Is that a beg?"

He placed the thick tip to her entrance, and she throbbed and writhed against him like she was about to come from the slightest touch of that cock.

"Yeah… Yes, please, Simon, just-"

He granted her plea to the full before she had even finished it. The spread, the feeling of being filled with him, was so exquisitely divine that it only took less than five thrusts before she came.

He looked annoyingly pleased while watching her have one of the most powerful, gratifying, leg-shaking orgasms of her life. Perhaps it was only a proper way to greet a man who had been inside her head for so long: who was finally inside her for the first time in four desolate weeks. She didn't feel wild or raw now; she felt like molasses, like puddle of tears, a boneless, limp heap of muscle from all that love and gentle fucking.

After the tension, tremblings, and shaky sighs had left her, and she was merely panting, he finally stopped. Lodged deep inside her to feel the rest of the waves, he was still watching her. The stare of those warm eyes was too much to bear after another implosion that made her even more attached to this man.

"If you call me a good girl, I swear I'll slap you again," she whispered. The body against him shook from silent laughter. He kissed her again, buried his fingers in her hair, gave her another rock of his hips. And then, suddenly stopped just to whisper in her ear…

"That's my good girl."

Fuck…. 

It was useless. Utterly, completely useless with Simon.

"Ok… Ok." She tried to gather herself while he was still inside her, still filling her and shielding her with his body. "You're asking for it, so I'm not giving it to you."

"Poor me," he answered with that gruff, heart melting voice.

She was laughing again, smiling for the first time in days. Beaming, even…. Probably looking like a brain-dead idiot.

"This was a good date. I had fun."

In her opinion, it was the best date ever, but would she let him know it and stroke that ego further? Hell no.

"This wasn't what I had in mind," he hummed while moving to kiss her neck.

"What if we just stayed here for the rest of the day?"

"Wouldn't mind that."

“You know.. I... really missed you,” she finally confessed with a whisper while he was preoccupied with her neck; safely somewhere else than right there in front of her, staring her in the eyes, gathering evidence of her vulnerability. He huffed a chuckle against her skin in response, sounding close to relieved.

"I missed you too."

[tiyawnyana]

my lady i would love to request

Jake x female human reader x Neytiri. (sex pollen)

the scenario? going to find things for Norm (like plants or herbs stuff like that) and Neytiri and Jake are escorting her through the forest.

they distract for only one second, talking about normal stuff like who turn was to clean their marui or what they should eat that night.

that is enough time for Reader to find this pretty flower, she touches it and boom, pollen everywhere.

(also let's fake that here the masks filters the air but not the smells so she can smell it)

when Neytiri and Jake notice what happened, they can already smell her arousal, her cheeks are so red and she is all trembling.

of Crouse they help her feel better.

Mowan

Pleasing, Enjoyable

A/N: holy hell i had so much fun writing this one fjjfdmnd

Pairing: Jake x (fem) Human reader, Neytiri

Warnings: sex pollen?, nipple play, oral (fem received), fingering, p in v, creampie, soft aftercare

◇◇◇

Neytiri leads you and her mate through the woods. You snicker at their couply bickering, rolling your eyes as he jerks her tail playfully only to receive a hiss back.

The tall navi woman carries a basket on her hip as she leads, filled with herbs and flowers for Norm as he had asked you to retrieve.

Neytiri rolls her eyes at the antics of her mate before finally breaking through into a clearing.

"We are here, the last of those herbs are partially difficult to find, so Jake," she calls for him,"You will help find them."

He groans dramatically but moves around, inspecting some overgrown plants around the trees.

You pace around, using your tablet to scan the fauna and grinning as you find some more.

"Found one!" You excitedly yell, bringing it to the basket, and Neytiri smiles fondly as she crouches, opening the basket.

"Tawtute," she calls softly,"Will you be joining us for the feast tonight?"

Neytiri had at first been standoffish with you, but with time (and Jake's convincing) you managed to gain her trust.

From your view, she tolerated you, maybe even was friendly towards you.

Jake saw otherwise though, teased his mate for those lingering touches. He saw how his mate fawned over you; it was kept minimal, but Neytiri did favor you in a way, especially compared to the other sky people.

He had always found you endearing, maybe even harboring a soft crush on you before he had transferred over to his avatar form; you were always kind to him from the start. You saw him as an equal, a lover of the pandoran world desperate to save it. Even with his betrayal, soon becoming equal sides, you defended him. And sure, you also harbored a soft crush for him, human form and avatar.. but he had a mate. A mate that was tall, blue, beautiful and alien, that you still were convinced wasn't particularly fond of you.

You tilt your head, gazing at her in confusion for a moment before shrugging,"I didn't think I was invited, honestly. Not that I expected to be-"

Jake snorts from across the clearing and Neytiri curses at him in Na'vi, before redirecting her attention to you. She inhales before huffing, trying to figure out the words.

"Well, you are invited, I insist. You have.. proven yourself as a good sky person," her ears flick back, feeling too weird about the choice of words spoken.

But you beam happily up at her, a grin growing on your lips under your mask,"Really? I- I don't want to impose or make anyone in the village uncomfortable-"

"That is nonsense," she speaks curtly,"You help with herbs, medical care and the children. You deserve a spot there."

A warm blush covers your cheeks as you nod dumbly. You didn't expect such kind words coming from this woman.

"C'mon kid, give yourself more credit," Jake says from across the clearing.

"Ma'Jake, she is no child," she shakes her head fondly.

"I know, Tiri, it is like a petname-" He tries to explain in navi words. 

"A pet-name? What?" She squawks, eyes widening in surprise.

You giggle lightly, turning to examine more plants with your tablet, scanning more.

You listen to their chit chat, words of deciding what to cook for the feast that turn into a small couply argument has you snickering quietly. You pick more plants, quickly running them back to the basket then darting off again. Your attention brings you just outside the clearing, distracted by a faint floral smell seeping into your mask. You search, scanning around and getting plants jotted down into the files of your tablet before a new plant is scanned, being put into the unmarked file. It has you walking closer, taking photos of the unknown plant.

It's bulbous, a thick base of orange with purplish bulging ridges. It tapers out into pink and orange floral like pedals with long purple stems sticking out from the center; it's beautiful. Alien and beautiful and you manage to get more photos of it before setting your tablet down to grab your small shovel to scoop it from the dirt when suddenly the bulbous base enlarges itself, then shoots out a puff cloud, tinged a faint pink. You gasp, falling back as it filters into your mask. It's not an unpleasant smell, quite nice actually, but you're unsure of any alien plants that are not accounted for.

The reaction is immediate though, much to your misfortune, and you cringe, whining breathlessly as warmth pools into your belly, clenching around your bones and making you feel like pure jelly. Arousal seeps in and you sag into the dirt, blinking rapidly at the sky as you feel it go south too quickly, your pussy fluttering with need and clit pulsing.

"Ah- oh shit, mmph," you try to mask those embarrassing moans, hips bucking and your thighs spread open.

You hear footsteps, gentle but searching, you whimper weakly, panting for breath.

"Tawtute?- oh, Eywa," Neytiri's voice is like honey to your aroused state and you whine, hands weakly lifting to reach for her as she approaches.

Thankfully she crouches, large hand cupping the top of your head and peering around before her gaze lands on the plant.

"Wiya tsal," she mumbles,"Ma'Jake!"

He comes over quick, eyeing the foreign plant questioning before his gaze falls onto you. His eyebrows shoot up,"What's up with her?"

He crouches down, tail flicking behind him in obvious curiosity.

"She has touched a forbidden plant," Neytiri speaks firm, curt, trying to find the English words to explain it.

"She havin' a seizure, the hell?" He grips the cheeks of your mask, turning your face this way and that,"What is it?"

"It is a sex plant!" Neytiri huffs in annoyance, ears flicking back.

Jake chokes out a strangled laugh, eyeing your writhing body. He stops quickly, realizing your muted embarrassment despite your sniffled out moans.

"Pl- please, help, mmph," you whine out, dragging your hands down your body and rubbing below your stomach,"Too much, ah- fuck!"

Your back arches as you whimper, blinking blearily at the two navi.

Your scent hits them like a ton of bricks, hot and tantalizingly sexy. They can't seem to stop inhaling it.

They share a look, speaking softly in navi before Neytiri blushes at something that Jake says. She nods, then stands up.

Jake is gentle when he picks you up and you whine, curling into his chest as they walk back toward the clearing. The navi woman shuffles around as her mate settles down into a soft part, laying you between his legs and leaning you against his chest. Your body still feels like jelly but that arousal has grown hot and wanting, pooling between your legs thick like honey.

Neytiri is nervous. She's decided to basically help get you off, but she can't help but worry over everything. She wanted it to be perfect when she courted you into their mating; this whole scenario was less than so.

She finally crouches before you and you whine, weakly reaching out for her. Her hand cups yours, fingers coming up to gently hold your arm.

"What is it that you want, tawtute?"

You pant, huffing in frustration,"Please- mmph, touch me."

Jake huffs out a laugh, hands gently tracing your sides, warmth comforting you.

Neytiri blinks down at you, soft and tender, but you don't decipher it that way. You see it as refusal, and to that, you whimper in distress, dragging her hand up whilst lifting your shirt and having her cup one of your tits.

Her eyes widen hugely, gawking down at your boobs. She'd never seen you without those ridiculous sports bras as you called them, and realized now it could've been for good cause; your tits were bigger than anything she'd seen. No navi woman's were ever that big.

Jake gawks at them too, and reaches down to completely lift your bra up and over your tits, then cups below them, squishing them up and together firmly.

"You want us to touch you, baby?" He coos softly, admiring the view.

You nod quickly, back arching as Neytiri finally actually gropes at your tit. She squeezes softly, gasping softly as your nipple rubs up on her palm, already firmed up. She gazes at you as if you're a prize, a fresh hunt ready to be caught.

You're already caught. Even in your arousal clouded hazy mind, you've wanted them both for so long. This is truly a blessing for you, despite it being gained by being sprayed in the face by an asshole plant.

You choke out a moan as Neytiri descends to your chest, flicking her tongue out to roll hot over your left nipple and at the same time, Jake squeezes your right perfectly.

The pleasure is hot, searing through to rest painfully beneath your shorts. Your pussy is soaked, leaking slick and you whine out, hands coming to grab Neytiri's shoulders. She releases your nipple, gazing up at you in surprise.

"Please, fuck-" you groan,"Touch me down there, please." Your pleading voice has her tail nearly wagging behind her.

She doesn't even hesitate, kissing soft and tender down your stomach.

She struggles with the button on your shorts, to which Jake huffs out a soft laugh and leans over, quickly unbottoning and his mate quickly tugs the offensive garb down your legs. Luckily, she dragged your panties down in the same motion, and she eyes your pussy like it's dessert.

"So small, tawtute," she admires, moving backward to lay on her stomach, then moving in between your thighs. She touches you gingerly at first, spreading you open gently. She eyes your hole, curious and lifts a finger, prodding at it. She jerks at your wanton moan, inhaling sharply as your aroused scent wafts up. She curses something in navi and quickly shakes her head, spreading your folds and admiring you closer. You whine in frustration, hips rolling in a weak attempt to be seductive.

Jake snickers fondly, reaching down to brush a braid out of his mates face,"Tiri, look how desperate she is for you, don't tease her," while trailing his hand back to your body, curving down and helping by spreading your folds for Neytiri to finally move.

And she does, thank Eywa; she kisses over your clit so soft, lips covering the entirety of the bud.

One of Jake's hands move back up to fondle your boobs, teasing your nipples as Neytiri begins to lick over your folds, rough tongue flicking over your clit.

"Mmmph," you bite your lower lip in embarrassment, face red and panting for breath.

"Tastes like yovu fruit," Neytiri mumbles, sucking over your clit and grinning at your drawn out moan.

The navi woman shuffles closer to your body, looping one arm under your thigh and the other reaches up to caress the boob that Jake doesn't fondle.

"So soft," she admires,"Are all human women this soft?"

Jake grins lowly,"Some, yes, but nows not the time for educating," he teases with a cocky grin,"Show her how good you are with your tongue."

She smirks from the compliment, and listens quickly as she rubs the flat of her tongue tantalizingly slow over your clit. It feels almost like sandpaper, in a way, but has you arching hard and belting out a whine.

Your hands cling to Jake's biceps weakly and his hands still tease your nipple, circling around it then pinching slightly, sending zings of pleasure straight to your cunt.

"Oh- fuck!" You yelp when Neytiri burrows her face into your pussy, the bridge of her nose grinding against your pulsing clit and her tongue presses into your leaking hole. Her tongue thrusts so deep, curling just right and everything's too hot, too much.

You cry out loudly as you cum on her tongue. Your walls pulse around the appendage and she moans against your pussy. 

She thrusts her tongue into you a few more times before slowly dragging out. You're gasping for breathe and blink down at her, groaning at the image; her lower face, chin, lips, nose, are shiny with your slick.

Jake lifts you forward into Neytiri's arms, gently kissing down your uncovered back as he grips your hips and lifts you to your knees, admiring the wet mess between your thighs.

"God, you smell so good, baby," he coos gently, fingers trailing down to circle lightly over your clit, grinning at the whine you release.

You sag against Neytiri's chest, panting behind your mask and clinging to her hips. She fondly combs her long fingers through your hair, silently admiring your silky strands whilst enjoying the show.

Jake gently presses his index finger into you, slowly sliding in knuckle by knuckle and you groan at every inch. Just his finger alone has your cunt spasming around him, clinging to him.

He begins a slow pace, thrusting into you languidly, then adds another, scissoring you open. He presses his other palm to your back and pushes down, making you arch and present your pussy better.

You moan loudly against Neytiri before he jabs at that one spot inside you and you cry out, cumming around his large fingers.

You're panting for breath, slumping even further into Neytiri when you hear Jake huffing. He gently grabs your hips, rolling you over to lay in his mates arms. She smiles softly, petting stray hairs off of your mask and if you weren't so sexed up you'd be begging her to sit on your face. Even if it was unrealistic.

He tears off his tewng after fiddling with the cords, wrapping his hand around the base and giving himself a firm tug and groaning openly, then aiming his cockhead to your pulsing hole.

He presses there, gentle and careful, and when the tip pops in, you both groan. Neytiri can't stop watching as her mate presses further into your body, slowly, breathing heavily and caressing your boobs.

Jake has one hand holding your hip, curling over your stomach and the other, thumbing at your clit to help ease your mind as he stretches you to limits you didn't even know about.

He finally stops about halfway before giving an experimental drawback into a thrust. You clench so tight around him already, he chokes out a groan.

"Not gonna last long, fuck-"

Neytiri snorts, smirking up at her mate and he scowls down at her, fondly shaking his head.

You're a moaning, crying, whimpering mess as he fucks into you. It's beyond anything you imaged, his cock manages to press against every little spot inside of you and you can't think, can't breathe right. It's so much and not enough in the same breath.

Neytiri gently rubs over your nipples and with the torturous pace of Jake's cock drilling into you and definitely bulging through the skin at your stomach, to which he moans breathlessly at, and his thumb rubbing your clit continuously, you white out as your orgasm hits. Your back arches almost painfully as you gush hard around him, tightening up so much so that he ends up gasping, unable to continue his pace. Your cunt quite frankly pulsed enough around him to force him to cum, and he fills your walls with almost an alarming amount of cum. It seeps out from around his length where he's buried into you.

It takes you a while to regain your senses, but when you do, you've been mostly cleaned, redressed, carried back to the clan and up to the springs where they strip you once more and clean you thoroughly. You groan and they massage your scalp, shoulders, back and hips, then clean out your pussy.

You're then brought back to their kelku, where you doze off in their nest as they cuddle around you.

◇◇◇

A/N: Thank you for the request!! Again, my requests are open, I may just be a bit slow what with work, finishing Kinktober and other stuff. But I will complete them!

Taglist:

@akoyaxs

(Lmk if you want to be added!)

[storm-angel989]

Could we see how Val and the other Vee’s react to Reader having a hyper fixation?

Hi friend,

I love this idea- but I sort of struggled to come up with the most relatable hyperfixation. So I decided to go in the direction of one I think we can all relate to- our favorite show! I really tried to show Val being both supportive and teaching her how to manage her hyperfixation. Speaking from someone who has personal experience with hyperfixation- it's all about learning to balance! 

Enjoy!

<3 Mandy

“Daddy, Daddy look, they make dolls for it too,” I squealed as I showed my father the latest and greatest from my most current obsession. “Please, please please can I have them?”

My father kissed the top of my head and shook his head no. “You know the deal, baby. And tablet time is almost done for the day. Homework next.” 

I pouted and laid my head down on the table as he carefully removed the tablet from my hand. Left to my own devices, I would have watched episode three again, and maybe read through a few pages of fanfiction. And maybe even written the next chapter of my own. Instead, my father insisted I do things like homework and chores. 

“What’s your assignment for ELA?” my father prompted as he set my backpack between us at the kitchen table. “Tell me.” 

I scowled and opened up my agenda as I read outloud from the assignment page. 

“Write a story about a time you and your family did something fun. Hey! I can write about my favorite character and the time they….”

“No, sweetheart, that isn’t the assignment,” my father redirected gently. “But you could write about when we sit down and watch the new episode together each week.”

That perked me up. I took the pen from my father’s hand. And truth be told, every word I wrote was true- how my Dad and Uncle Vox and Aunt Velvette all made Thursday nights our home night. We ordered pizza and watched the newest episode of my favorite show, and when there weren't any new episodes, we still sat together and rewatched old ones. 

“There, done,” I announced. “Tablet, now.”

“Excuse you, no. Math now,” Valentino said firmly. “I…”

Whatever he was about to say got cut off from the ringing of his phone. I felt my heart skip a beat. Was Daddy getting called into work? Would I have to wait on my math homework? It was Friday after all- no sense in making me do everything all in one night if he had to work!

A scowl on his face and any hope I had of escaping math homework vanished as he made another phone call. When he hung up, he leaned over and kissed the top of my head. 

“Baby,  I have to go to work, but your Uncle Vox and Aunt Velvette are on their way. Once they get here, you can finish your homework with them,” he told me. “And then yes, you can have your tablet.”

“Can I at least watch on the big TV until they get here?” I asked, ever hopeful.

“Only if you promise to shut it down-without an argument- when they get home. And eat dinner without complaint. Deal?” He gave me a firm look as he pulled on his signature red jacket. 

That was one deal I would definitely take. As soon as he left, I turned the TV on and lost myself once again in my favorite show.

[chiililisatoo]

My Last GilArt post

It had been real : I love Gilgamesh as a character and the original Epic of Gilgamesh and FGO babylonia chapter , and CCC secret gardens of Gilgamesh, got me through a really tough phase in Life so I am very grateful to Nasu and Gilgamesh of Fate and og irl Gilgamesh ; I also ship GilArt Cause i see genuine love on Gilgamesh's end for Saber Artoria and i find their union compatible and fateful poetic , Gilgamesh is a wise advisor to a monarch , So here's a short headcanon / fanfiction to celebrate my recovery and moving on in Life, pardon my loose/weak writing :

Archer Gilgamesh swallowed his pride and attempted courting the first and only woman he has loved ,

The woman of his not very discrete affections stood a few feet away from him , her eyes had a strong emotion in them which he assumed to be similar to his own and her gaze as always was directed to the mongrel with his faking technique , it hurt to see it but he persevered , he was a king after all , he could handle a woman's naive foolishness ,

His efforts at being politer with her and toning down his heat on other team members, taking their cause seriously well as seriously as he could concern himself with these mongrels and their struggle, and his wisdom was also given to these mongrels cause' , he was quite confident his efforts had earned some reciprocation from the blue saber, so he decided to be bolder today :

He waited for the mongrel to leave , he could swallow his pride around saber he was not ready to let a mongrel see him getting rejected

When he saw saber alone he walked towards her gave her a polite greeting : "Heading out early today King of Knights ? "

She turned her head slightly and gave a slight nod after a pause "yes , I have some matters to attend to ..." , Gilgamesh swiftly

closed the gap between , cupped her face in his right gauntlet careful to not hurt her ivory skip and placed his lips against hers tenderly in a chaste kiss , he held her that way for a few moments , when they seperated he stared in her eyes , they were bright and wide and and her face was slightly flushed in that moment he felt elation rising inside of him ,

But alas in the next moment he felt the blazing heat from her drawn sword and felt her blade against his neck , he stood still to not escalate the situation as he looked into the burning hatred in Saber's eyes

Something snapped inside him in that instant he held the tip of her blade at her neck with his gauntlet and hurled it forcefully towards the ground, turned away from the King of Knights and stormed away swiftly without looking back :

Years of longing, Years of Courting had amounted to absolutely nothing , Had he ever put this much effort into obtaining any treasure ever ,

Yes , that one time...

He had never longed this much for even Enkidu though he would never let him know that

His frustration was piling up he had to redirect his mind elsewhere immediately

Luckily he caught his younger self sitting at the library and decided his younger self is the best remedy for his adult frustrations

He sat across his younger self , his younger self spared him only a polite nod and went back to working with a magic pen artefact and writing into his tablet and flipping pages through the books he was working out with such gusto he was mildly amused , in sometime his curiosity got the better of him and he went to stand behind his younger self and trying to read what he was working out , the language was ancient sumer and also had some mathematical symbols it looked like his younger self was using a code in his writing , well he might as well try to crack it ... when he heard his younger self speak :

"Its Aristotle's take on what it means to be A God, a human and an animal or lesser life form , the younger iskander brought it up and so I am working it out cause i want to see what it means to be a God, a human and an animal" ,

"Ho .. i see you have gone through quite a few materials ... What have you understood thus far ?"

His younger self looked at him with a look he could not quite fathom :

After a long pause , " What did you feel when that reptile , snake was it ? that ate the plant you found after such a long journey ?"

Archer Gilgamesh softened, the young servant was himself but he was still just a child ,

"In that moment i felt freed from my destiny, of converting humans to god or forcing them to pray to gods and be bound to them , I finally understood what it meant to be human and found strength in my human blood and strength in my kinghood kingship and my subjects, I lost my fear of death and felt power in my kingship and my kingdom , I put faith in my dynasty to make me immortal in the truest sense , my being recorded as King of Heroes and my NPs are the testament of that "

His younger self looked at him with wide eyes so full of awe and admiration he felt his chest swell with pride for himself of course

"So adult me in that moment or later did you become a GOD ?"

Well ...

He had found the strength in his human blood , strength to fight , strength in his human limitations, his kingship and strength in his convictions ,

But he never had control on his destiny

Never .... No control on his destiny

His mind drifted back to that moment earlier with the Blue Saber and how he came here

He remembered the singularity in which his Uruk and his throne was torn down to shreds

He remembered the immortality plant in his GoB that he never consumed

He remembered ishtar and nd how she caused Enkidu's death

Ishtar a full goddes unlike him a demigod had no control of her destiny either

Neither did Ishtar's Father or anyone of the Gods of the Age of Gods : No God, No Human no animal or homunculus no divine or human construct had any control on their destiny ....

No one and nothing had a control on their destiny .....

He cleared his throat of the rising bile in him ,

"Well , of course not , but I was worshipped as a deity some dynasties down mine own "

His younger self did not seem satisfied by that (of course he was not but Gilgamesh was not about to tell a child that no one and nothing has a control on their lives that most lives were worthless to everyone even themselves and any meaning and purpose was difficult to find and practice )

But he had successfully given his life meaning and purpose when he was alive and as a heroic spirit

He had trained his mind and dedicated it to seek elegance and beautiful objects and beings and own them for himself by force if necessary , he sought pleasure too for himself but not as rampantly as his alive teenage self , yes he was being selfish taking what he like and enjoyed for himself, woth no regard for consent or harm it would do to humanity or other beings or causes , he was above everyone and what he did was the rule and they had to deal with it

That is how he gave purpose to his existence and that is how in his mind he could control his own mind hence maybe even his destiny, his purpose was to expand his own treasury and everything in existence was his to seek and enjoy: that is how he existed and felt in control

Well except for the Blue Saber ....

his trance was broken by the child's query

"Say, why did you not consume the plant of immortality when you got it the second time, would not being immortal make you closer to a godly existence or at least closer to being a GOD "

He was not going to have the conversation of no control on destiny , his penchant for violence wnd smaller humanity so he could observe and maintain his rule with iron fist or better control than widespread humanity, his seeking of pleasure and taking everything for himself just so he could feel like he is in control in his mind

Why did he not eat the plant ?

Why of course , is it not obvious , cause he wanted to die and stay dead ?

Gods ? Those gods who died screaming to human constructions ?

Demi gods who found their purpose in plundering humanity ?

Humans who kept struggling with no rational argument as to what point and purpose and what is to be seeked at the end of the tunnel

He wanted to die and stay dead

If he had a sy he would never let himself be summoned even as a HS

Having no consciousness and hence to need to seek purpose or pleasure

Is the only solution he could come up with to his pain of living

So if was going to die he wanted to stay dead and before that he would rule with all his might

And that is why he did not consume the immortality plant

Of course he would not reveal that to a child himself or not or to anyone else even his own self if he were multiple summoned per chance that was his and only his mind would know

So he returned the kid's question with :

"Why do you ask that ? Do you perhaps want to become a GOD "

"Well I wouldn't mind if I can .." the child replied shyly

Gilgamesh's eye brows rose ,

"Ho , Your reason ? "

"Well it would make me more powerful so I could be more Victorious and i get to rule wider .."

Victory ? Power ? Victory through Power ?

Archer Gilgamesh chuckled to himself ,

Well a child should learn and develop for themselves

"Yes of course there is no need for you to inhibit your pursuit for godhood just because i failed at it or did not seek it . Seeking ones desire is the only way for one to live "

This seems to have drowned whatever doubts his younger self was having as after a slight nod with glowing eyes and flushed cheeks his younger self returned to his study with increased fervor

Seeking out ones desire is the only way for one to live ....

So in this existence as a HS did he seek godhood, beauty, greatness, power , immortality , inventions or victory

Did he seek death and non - existence ?

If he somehow deleted his entire saint graph from the throne would he be non - existent for ever ?

That was an interesting thought ....

----x--x--x------

Few Months Later

----X--X--X-------

Merlin and a small council of HS were discussing their current predicament

A Lostbelt's information was to be stored away for further deep analysis : this information be transformed and used correctly would be a valuable weapon specifically for chaldea made by chaldea for chaldea with a defence mechanism against outer interventions similar to Archer Gilgamesh's Ea ,

And this processed data might even reveal their true enemy and let them pull one up against their opponents

This was a good idea but this involved processing data of almost equal to a full planet and transforming it with encryption for themselves required a lot of energy and skill

Who could possibly do it ?

Why, who better than himself who jeld Ea and his GoB he the first Hero was of course the go to choice , but he Gilgamesh said nothing out loud , let the mongrels squabble among themselves , of course if they asked him of it he would first test them foe their Worthiness to witness his valor

After sometime the small counsel scattered , he made to go away when Merlin called out to him ,

" King of Heroes if you have a moment "

Well he might as well here Merlin out he did help him in Babylonia , " Hmm .."

"I am sure it has occurred to you during our discussion that your Gate of Babylon and Ea and SNI are perfect NPs for attempting this venture of Chaldea "

" Yes it did "

" And you also understand what it would entail ? "

Consuming his entire saint graph and his becoming non - existent ... Maybe forever

" What is it that you want from me , Mage of Avalon ? "

" Well , King of Heroes , would you consider taking on this venture for Chaldea ?"

Would he consider burning his entire saint graph for a signature NP for Chaldea only risking, as he was quite sure of it , becoming non - existent for ever

He thought for a while

Well.....

---- On D Day -----

Merlin and a few other HS watched on as the King of Heroes was stuck inside a pillar of light seemingly unconcious

But inside Archer Gilgamesh's mind was flowing data nearly at the speed of thought which he was processing , only the nodes he felt were important which he discerned with his SNI , his Ea was eating away at his Saint Graph to supply his GoB and SNI the power to interpret for Chaldea, encrypt like Ea so Chaldeans only can use it and process a planets data plus a PHH worth of alternate Phenomena and Textures nearly at the speed of thought

Gilgamesh could now consciously feel his saint graph cutting and screaming

The throne rebelling to not let go of its possession

Typical...

He felt he could feel his life swim before his eyes

There was nothing to see there ... His life flashed before him a million times during his time as a HS ,

His eyes were shut

Just like when his life was leaving him when he was dying as a demigod

He remembered Enkidu's death Enkidu was staring into his eyes when he was dying as a god's machine

If he had been dying in Enkidu's arms would he have his eyes open of closed

He wondered if he should open his eyes and capture his last moments as a HS , but what was so amusing to witness in a group of struggling mongrels

He wondered what he would kike to see if he should open his eyes

His Saint Graph was burning away quickly and his progress on this new construction by him was going at an impressive speed considering it was not his usual methods

These processing and copying reminded him of a certain faker and of those few moments of that loving gaze they held of a certain someone

His mind conjured up a vague image of what he wanted to see

---- Outside Chaldean Group POV ------

The King of Heroes had taken on the challenge,

There were few words exchanged with him when he declared he was going to attempt that large scan

After all he had scorned at them all and this sudden camaraderie did not exactly make them old time Chums

And So they waited in anticipation for Merlin to layout his next orders

A few other chaldeans had joined them as Archer Gilgamesh seemed to be frozen there before them ,

Presently the King of Knights had walked upto Merlin

She looked into the upright and seemingly asleep King of Heroes looking serene with a soft glow surrounding him

She asked Merlin what was going on

It Seems King of Knights was not oart of Merlin's council for this experiment of his

Merlin gave her a briefing and her eyes widened slightly

It seemed King of Knights was caught by surprise by this sudden camaraderie and selfless efforts of King of Heroes , well even more so with how he harassed her

Saber Artoria looked onto Archer Gilgamesh

---- Gil POV -----

He felt a rising urge to open his eyes

He had to see ....wanted to see ... hoped to see .... If he could see at all ...

And so he was going to see....

He opened his eyes slowly , purposefully and quickly searched the face in the small group looking onto him

In a moment their eyes locked and his mind zoomed out to capture her beautiful face fully

His eyes caught her lips move he focused on her lips and he was sure his mind read out very very clearly with a laser focus on her eyes and lips

"Don't go , Gilgamesh "

---- Third person POV -----

As the group looked on something changed around the King of Heroes the light around his burned brighter and his expression changed from serene to a full scorn

He seemed to be in quite some pain yet Merlin held his fingers to his chin and seemed to be analysing it with no further instructions from Merlin the group stood still

After sometime some thing like a small blade or a shaft manifested itself in Archer Gilgamesh's left hand it grew in size and the intense light concentrated around it and moved away from Archer Gilgamesh's body to only his left arm and most intensely around what now looked like a long thin rectangular key

After much longer the light finally died ,

Archer Gilgamesh stumbled forward panting

Merlin and King of Knights both rushed to him

Archer Gilgamesh caught himself, hoisted himself upright and ripped out his now amalgamated with the new Chaldean NP left arm splattering some blood on the ground

Merling collected this artefact , a red transmutation circle of his magic appeared on top and bottom of this key and it disappeared in layers into these 2 circles

Archer Gilgamesh lifted his right arm and placed it gently on the King of Knights left cheek

Neither of them said anything thing

Saber Artoria turned around and said something to Merlin which he seemed to affirm and marched away just like she came

Merlin exchanged a short dialogue with the King of Heroes and Nodded a greeting and left

King of Heroes followed Merlin shortly after along with the rest of the Chaldean group

---- King of Heroes POV ------

His eyes caught and his brain read

" Don't go, Gilgamesh "

He shut his eyes immediately and concentrated heavily on what he was processing

There has to be a way , there had to be

He would find a way out

His mind processed the waves of data, zooming in and out at the speed of thought ,his SNI was working at full throttle, His Ea's swirl keeping the throne and his saint graph burning at bay , had he ever used his Ea this masterfully

Later he would attempt repairing his saint graph , he had a more important task first

He finally found a link from his SNI to this Lostbelt's texture

He found multiple concepts in his NPs of GoB that matched these typical textures and he proceeded to link them together via his GoB and used his Ea and already consumed saint graph to .... Well he was not one to use mage craft but on this special occasion ... He projected his own construction for once in his left arm with his GoB and Ea , he felt his left arm burning and soon lost sensation in it , oh well

He shut his eyes tightly and pushed his SNI even further - he had to construct this as completely as he could with the resources he had collected

He felt a million spikes hitting and exploding against the inside of his cranium

He felt he would soon loose consciousness for real

His breathing was becoming laboured

He felt the blood coursing through his veins heat up like a fire

Then he finally saw it : the encryption that would give Chaldea an advantage even if its only temporary

He locked it into the blade key construction he had projected in his left hand

He then proceeded to meticulously nd he dared say with a genius worked all the data into this construction of his his focus was sharp and he soon completed this task

His burning of his Saint graph had been minimal

He even managed to repair some of it himself

But the damage to his saint graph was extensive - it would show in his GoB and in himself - he might ask Merlin to do something about it

Oh well he would at least walk out of this alive

He made more repairs to his saint graph till it was not critical and proceeded to do some final touches to this new NP

The light around him subsided while the NO was glowing mesmerizing with he heat and fire radiating from it

He had created this beauty

Dare he say as beautiful as the King of Knights' Excalibur if not more

Proud of his accomplishment he took a step forward

And nearly fell to the pain through his spine and weight he felt in his left arm

When he looked at his left arm it was neither radiating with beauty or mesmerizing

It looked like a thin rectangular stub of copper

He held his sigh and tore of his left arm slightly gritting his teeth

Some blood splattered to the ground

He looked ahead of him

Merlin and King of Knights stood before him , behind them farther away the rest of the party

He held out the NP to Merlin , who scanned it away with his magic he marvelled as always slightly at Merlin's true magic

If Merlin was disappointed with his impromptu change in their joint venture , he did not show it

The group behind them held neutral expressions as well

Well he was not known for selfless sacrifice

Maybe they including Merlin had expected him to not gi through with it

Or to fail at it

Merlin also seemed to have not mentioned to Saber that he essentially requested him to go through a suicide mission

He took a careful step forward and reached out to King of Knights who stood still as if she knew what he wanted

When the inside of his right gauntlet touched her left cheek his pondering of non-existence and stillness of death disappeared

When he looked into her eyes he knew what he desired

Pursuing ones desire is what it means to Live

Some things are beautiful because they cannot be obtained ?

He was sure she would look dazzlingly enchanting with his arms , or arm, around her

[waytooinvested]

Forgotten, Not Forgiven - Chapter 22

This and previous chapters are also on AO3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twenty minutes of intensive breaking things later, and Lena was back from the brink of full scale nuclear meltdown. Normally the extent of her loss of control would be to throw a glass or two, or slam down her tablet too hard so that the screen cracked, and then stop, redirecting her fury into something colder and more vengeful (something Luthor ). But it was different with Alex in the mix. Her friend encouraged her to keep going, to direct those feelings outwards and vent . It was possible she had even convinced her (once or twice, down in the most distant unused basement room where no one would hear) to let out a few yells as she took the largest wrench from her toolkit to a box of faulty Schlenk flasks, and by the time they were done all 120 of them were ground down into shards no bigger than her thumbnail.

She still felt as tender and raw as if her entire body had been through a sand blaster, but it was enough at least that she was as prepared as she ever would be to hear Kara out.

Kara loves you so much.

Kara has never stopped believing in you.

Kara was in your corner every time.

She could only hope, desperately, foolishly hope , that Alex was right. If she was, Lena wanted to be able to say the same in return.

That she had never doubted Kara.

That however bad things had looked, she always had faith in her.

But it wasn’t true.

She believed that Kara was always striving to do the right thing, even when they disagreed on exactly what that was. She believed that Kara had no actual desire to cause her pain or to humiliate her, even when that was the outcome of her actions . But she didn’t believe – couldn’t believe – that Kara’s faith in her was that unwavering.

How could it be? Lena was a Luthor. No one trusted a Luthor.

Not really.

Please Kara. Please, please prove me wrong.

Then before Lena was quite ready Kara herself was there, opening the door with her usual glad greeting as if everything was normal, and the world hadn’t just cracked in two. At the sight of her Lena was hit with a jarring jolt of dissonance, like an aftershock of the feeling she’d had the first time she’d seen her after learning Supergirl’s true identity: the illogical certainty that such a seismic shift in her own perspective should be reflected by some sort of difference in Kara’s demeanour. But of course it wasn’t. As far as Kara was concerned this was just another day.

Another day of lying to Lena about who she was and how she spent her time…

Allegedly.

Kara reached out for the quick one armed hug that had found its place since the dream session as their compromise between the long embraces of their distant past and the more recent cautious space-keeping, and Lena took a quick step to the side to avoid it, moving round Kara into her apartment without touching her.

She couldn’t touch her. Not right now. Even so much as a brush of fingers and she would shatter into as many pieces as her ruined Schlenk flasks.

Kara stayed with her arm outstretched for a moment, then dropped it back to her side, her happy expression slowly transforming into one of bewilderment and concern.

‘What’s wrong, has something happened? Are you okay?’

Lena shook her head, closing her eyes against Kara’s worry. She sounded so genuine …

So… maybe William had lied about Kara helping him?

Maybe he just meant in a general sense, that he had mentioned part of it to her casually and, innocent of the reason behind it, she had told him something innocuous that he had taken as evidence against Lena.

Maybe she had jumped to conclusions and the falling sky was nothing more than an acorn dropping on her head after all.

The thought gave her enough courage to open her eyes again and meet Kara’s gaze.

Soft. Warm. Worried. Not the slightest trace of guilt or duplicity.

‘William Dey came to see me today.’

‘Oh... I really wish he’d talked to me first.’

Kara shuffled a little awkwardly, looking caught out, and Lena’s fragile hope crumpled like wet tissue paper.

‘You don’t sound very surprised.’

‘Well...’

‘So it’s true? You really have been working with him on this… investigation?’

Say no, say no, say no.

But Kara’s brows knotted, and Lena’s unease roared upwards as the look of guilt that had been missing before crept in behind the concern.

‘He told you about that? I didn’t want to talk to you about it until we had some actual evidence. But… yeah, I have.’

Fuck fuck fuck. It was really real .

Lena had thought she believed that before, that she had been trying to give Kara the benefit of the doubt against her certainty of betrayal, but now it was confirmed she realised that that hadn’t been true at all. She had been afraid that Kara had betrayed her. She hadn’t really believed it. Not until now.

Tears spilled freely down her cheeks, and she didn’t even try to hold them back. There was no point in playing it cool anymore. She couldn’t. It wasn’t possible. Not when it was this. Not when it was Kara.

Again.

Kara stepped forwards as if she was going to try to hug her again, but Lena backed away, hands up to fend her off.

‘How could you do that and not tell me? All this time we’ve been spending together and- Kara, how could you?’

‘I’m sorry! I never meant to hurt you.’

Lena scoffed, a spark of anger kindling in the dry tinder of her pain.

‘You never meant… you lied to me and investigated me for a horrible crime behind my back, how could that possibly not hurt me?’

‘What?! Lena, no! We’re not investigating you. It’s Andrea. William thinks that Andrea had something to do with Supergirl going missing, and I’ve been helping him look into it.’

Wait.

W hat ?

‘That’s what he told you?’

‘It’s true. William must have wanted to talk to you because he knows you know Andrea and wanted background information, but this has always been about her, not you. If he had told me what he was planning I’d have come to you with it myself, but clearly he thought he knew better and went in way too strong if he made you think he was accusing you.’

‘He did accuse me. Outright. He thought that I was behind Supergirl’s apparent disappearance, possibly in collaboration with my brother, and with the help of Andrea to cover it up. That’s the investigation you’ve been helping with.’

The genuinely stricken look on Kara’s face would have been hard to fake, her jaw actually dropping very slightly as she took this in in what seemed to be a horrified daze.

‘But… no. Lena, no. I would never, ever think you would do something like that. Oh God. I am so so sorry, please let me explain what happened.’

She reached out again as if the desire to touch Lena was overwhelming, but caught herself this time without needing to be rebuffed, her hands staying outstretched without making contact, like a physical metaphor for the space the investigation had ripped open between them. Lena stared down at them through the sheen of tears still swimming in her eyes, trying to decide whether she wanted to meet them in the middle or slap them away from her. There was a time, not so long ago, when the answer would have been obvious. She would have cocooned herself in her own pain, turned it to anger and worn it like armour against any explanation Kara might have offered, and would have known herself right to do so. But now… now nothing was obvious, and instead of reaching for Kara or pushing her back, Lena wrapped her arms around her own middle, hanging onto her elbows as if that could keep the fracturing parts of herself together, and nodded.

‘Alright. Explain.’

There was a second’s hesitation, as if Kara too was surprised that she hadn’t had to fight harder to get her hearing. Then she launched in, speaking quickly to get it all out before Lena could change her mind.

‘I started out looking into William himself, like I told you, remember? I thought he was up to something more than he was saying, and it turned out I was right, but it wasn’t something nefarious like I expected. I found this board he was putting together about Andrea, and when I confronted him he admitted that he’d come to Catco to investigate her. He thought she had something to do with Supergirl’s absence and that there was more to the story than her visiting Argo like it said on the news. The whole ambitious jerk thing was an act to keep people away, and he said now I knew he was willing to let me work with him to get to the truth. I agreed because I so desperately wanted to feel like I was doing some good in the world, and this seemed like a way I could be part of something heroic. But he only ever mentioned Andrea. If I’d thought for a second that William had been looking into you, I swear I would have set him straight. I will set him straight, as soon as I see him. Lena, I know you would never do something like this. If there’s one thing in the universe I believe in beyond question, it’s you.’

The last part hit Lena in every vulnerable place that wanted so badly for that to be true, but she set it aside for now to focus as objectively as she could on the story as Kara had presented it.

And… it was plausible.

From the way William had talked about her, it was clear he thought that Kara was either being blackmailed into publishing the stories that Lena wanted told, or else was an unwitting patsy being manipulated by her. In either case it would make sense for him not to tell her the full scope of his investigation, even if he let her in on part of it. He might even have kept her close as a way of finding out more about her own supposed role in all this.

‘Okay… But that still doesn’t explain why you didn’t tell me what you were doing. Did you think you couldn’t trust me with it?’

‘Of course not! It was never about that, I just didn’t want to put you in a difficult position. I know how hard it can be for you to let people in, and how many people have let you down in your life. There wasn’t any hard evidence of any kind of crime, and I didn’t want to make you question your friendship with Andrea if it was all just a wild goose chase. I didn’t want to put you in the position of having to choose between Andrea and me.’

‘But I would have chosen you. If you’d given me the chance, I would have chosen you. Without hesitation.’

Her voice cracked around the admission, and Kara shook her head slowly, anguish written in every line of her expression, hands wringing before her like she was trying to wash the stain of guilt from them.

‘I just wanted to protect you.’

Another tear followed the path left for it by those she had already cried, but Lena brushed it impatiently away this time.

‘I know you did. I believe you. But I hate that your instinct to protect me still defaults to lying to me. Just like before. Kara, I thought we were past that. I thought… I thought you actually trusted me this time.’

‘I DO trust you. It wasn’t- I didn’t-’

Kara stopped, apparently recognising her own knee jerk denial of responsibility was not what was needed here. She bit her lip, and then let her shoulders drop, the defensiveness gone from her posture.

‘You’re right. I messed up badly, and I won’t do it again. I promise, I will be totally honest with you from now on, even when it might hurt. I don’t want to lose you again Lena. I can’t lose you again. Please, please give me another chance to do better.’

Lena swallowed.

She was still working on giving Kara a second chance, could she really now offer a third chance on top of it, with lies compounded by more lies and apparently no lessons learned?

Madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

But listening to that insistent Luthor-legacy instinct would mean walking away from Kara, after everything they had shared. Throwing away all their progress and accepting a life without her in it.

A life without Kara .

She could picture it, easily. She had lived it after all, she knew its shape as intimately as that of her own face in the mirror. If she walked away now she would survive this loss the way she had all the others, and would find a way to keep going. She would have her work to focus on, and it would be easy to let that take over until there was no room for anything in her heart or mind except her determination to make L-Corp the best it could be. It was safe (inevitable assassination attempts not withstanding), predictable, even fulfilling in its way.

And she hated it.

The picture in her head was a sad, flat, grey thing, where no one hurt Lena because she didn’t care enough about anyone to let them. And it didn’t have Kara in it. Her life was better with Kara in it, it just was. It always had been, and it was worth fighting for. Even if she was terrified. Even if her knees were shaking and her stomach was churning and she had no idea how to do- this . She wanted it. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she wanted to choose vulnerability instead of strength.

She met Kara’s eyes and nodded, once.

Kara let out a breath in a woosh, as if she had been holding it ever since she had asked the question.

‘Please can I hug you now?’

Being touched still might shatter her, but Lena was beyond caring, and she nodded again, her head continuing to bob up and down of its own accord until it was stopped by the sudden presence of Kara against her. Kara, wrapping her up in an embrace so tight and all encompassing that it felt as if she was trying to pull Lena right into her, so that they could never be separated again. Kara, with her wonderful familiar coconut-shampoo and sugared-doughnuts smell, who was so strong and yet so gentle, who protected her without taking away her autonomy, who believed in her and made her laugh and wanted her, just as she was. Her Kara…

Tears that weren’t her own were soaking into Lena’s hair, and there was a tremble in the arms that were still trying to press her closer even now there was no more room to press into.

‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I bruised you again, but I swear I didn’t do it on purpose. I would never, ever hurt you on purpose Lena. You’re my person. My Lena. My… everything. If you hurt, I hurt.’

The last vestiges of Lena’s rigid control loosened, and then abruptly unravelled altogether. She clung to Kara fiercely, and allowed herself to cry against the soft wool of her cardigan while Kara stroked her hair and made low, soothing noises.

This wasn’t the gentle, tragically pretty roll of tears down porcelain cheeks like a woman in an artsy French film. Lena cried hard . Ugly, messy, uninhibited tears of the sort that should only ever be indulged in in private, buried under the covers in the middle of the night where they could be left behind by the time morning came. Lena had never allowed herself to cry like this with another person, and seldom even when she was alone. But right now she couldn’t muster up the energy to care about appearances, and couldn’t have stopped even if she did.

Smashing things with Alex had allowed Lena to regain her composure, but crying with Kara did the opposite. It pulled her pain out of her in a torrent. Not just over what had happened with William Dey and the investigation, but all of it. The hurt over Kara’s lie all through the years of their friendship. The guilt and fear and worry when Lex had kidnapped her and locked away her memories and powers. All Lena’s confused, conflicting feelings since then as she had tried to work out who they could be to each other and how to navigate everything between them in the reality they now found themselves in.

She cried for a long time, but Kara didn’t shift away, or try to get her to calm down. She just kept holding Lena, steadfast and steady, and let her feel everything she needed to feel. It was almost as if they had traded places from the night of the disastrous dream journey – as if they were taking turns to hold space for the other to fall to pieces so that they could build something better from the parts.

By the time she finished, Kara’s cardigan was soaked through at the shoulder, and Lena’s head was pounding, her eyes puffy and sore, her nose running, cheeks blotchily flushed.

She must have looked a total mess, but Kara didn’t seem to notice or care. When Lena at last lifted her head from the refuge of Kara’s clavicle it was to find her looking down at her with an expression so achingly tender that for a moment Lena thought she was about to lean in and kiss her, snot and tears and all.

She didn’t, of course. But she did press her forehead very gently to Lena’s, cupping her hot, damp cheek with one comparatively cool hand as if it was her most precious treasure.

‘I am honoured that you trusted me with that. Thank you.’

Lena should have been embarrassed, but Kara sounded so completely earnest that she wasn’t. She felt wrung out by her outpouring, but also relieved, and unburdened, and safe in a way that she was pretty sure didn’t exist anywhere in the world except in these arms.

I love you.

She almost said it.

The words were right there between her lips, and only the presence of Atlantis, still between them like an unwelcome chaperone for all they were standing so close, kept them from coming out.

So instead she whispered into the few inches between their lips:

‘Thank you for being my person. There is no one else I would choose.’

[britt-kageryuu]

The audience of the stream is having an interesting time right now. Donnie was in the middle of a stream when they got a phone call, and forgot to mute, and go to a BRB screen. So they are watching him fidget with random objects, spin in his chair, and listen to him talk to who ever is on the other end.

A good 10 - 15 minutes ago he answered by putting on a headset with a mic, "Hello, Othello speaking, no I will not give up on that nickname I told you to call me in Highschool.", and the audience heard them address a 'Jeremy' about why a 'tech support' call was being rerouted to him. Apparently the customer was not listening to anyone else.

"Exasperated sigh. Look Ma'am, I don't know what it is you expect me to do. You checked the cord, and made sure it's plugged in. You turned the device off, and on again. You made sure you have it full up to date. And you proved that isn't properly set up." Donnie has already said this like 5 times, but the woman on the other end hasn't let up. "No, there is no one else you can to. No you can not talk to my manager, I'm the lead of the Tech Team, there is no one directly above me."

There is a bit of a pause as the woman screamed into the phone. "No you may not attempt to call the owner. He is very busy with finishing a big project, and has infact set his contacts to 'Do Not Disturb', so any calls to him will be redirected back to the Tech Team."

There's a slight commotion in the chat as someone makes a slight fuss. Then a donation notification goes off. Which catches Donnie's attention.

[If the woman is screaming about a Genius Built custom Art Tablet. I'm sorry. That's my Mom. I'll look at her setup.]

Donnie reads over the notification, then notices that the woman has stopping yelling at him, and he can hear slightly muffled talking, then the woman relaying their problem to someone else.

Donnie covers the mic on the headset, "I apologize for not muting to take this call. I hope it was at least somewhat entertaining for you to listen too. Hold on." They uncovered the mic and talked to the caller.

"Oh, you're child found what was wrong? If I may ask, what step did we miss that they found? Hmm," They nodded their head as the listen, "So they found that you didn't plug in the cords into the right ports... well, we shall make a note of this, and find where you could have made this error, so it doesn't happen to anyone else in the future. Have a wonderful day." Donnie quickly hangs up the call, "He said with full sarcasm. I need to ask April is she knows any good customer service insults I may use in the future."

He removes the headset, and looks back at the stream. "Now then, where were we?" They look opens the menu to look at the quests. "Ah yes. I need to collect some more materials for the construction of the next big building for the this set of quests."

The stream continues, though many in the chat are asking the one whose mother Donnie was talking to about what happened. And others are debating on the 'Othello' nickname, and what it means.

--------------

Masterpost

So many times I almost want to just have the turtles say something that just gives away too much information.

[bechloesupercorp]

It means nothing to her. Living. Ava would be so ashamed. She tried. God, she tried. But the life that they’d lived together left a gaping hole in her heart. And she needed to feel something. She needed her sisters again, falling into easy routine. 

Training. Mission. Recovery. 

Training. Mission. Recovery. 

Mission. That’s where they were now.

Dragged out of bed in the early dawn, summoned to a series of dimensional pulses. The rough cobblestones rocked against their feet as they shuffled along, hidden in the shadows of the old buildings.

“This way,” Camila whispered, gesturing up ahead as she looked up from her tablet. 

The pulses were getting stronger, Bea’s heart beating in tandem. She didn’t know why she could feel them. The other sisters gave no indication that they could, so Beatrice shoved it down, attributing it to the years of experience. 

“Almost there,” Cam squealed, rushing a bit ahead of the pack. 

It was a normal town square, open air, plenty of space, surely bustling by midday. But the tips of Bea’s fingers tingled, adrenaline redirecting it elsewhere.

“Camila slow–”

The pulsing exploded, a steady BAM BAM BAM against her sternum as the air erupted, sparks of orange and red bursting through the air, tarask swiping through the silence. 

Her legs propelled her on instinct, eyes fixed on dear Sister Camila, head ducked and still buried in her tablet. 

The blue glow of the screen made Bea’s heart jolt, shining against Cam’s face like the shards they’d pulled from Shannon not just last year. 

No.

She was not going to lose another sister.

She flew across the square, snapping her wrists the second she made contact with her battle habit to drive Camila as far away as possible.

A sharp rod slid through her armour as another ring of blue appeared, angry tarask growling, hot air blistering against her face. 

Is this how Lilith felt?

Cold creeps up her fingertips, neck stiff. The air forces itself from her lungs, and she can’t get it back, mouth gaping in shock. 

Ava climbs through the portal, a divinium knife flying through the air. It meets its target, right through the monster’s heart, and Bea can’t help but smile.

She knows the second Ava sees her, eyes shining with elation, wide grin splitting her face. 

The tarask roars, and Bea feels it. It rocks her, digging deeper through her  middle. The sluggish spurts of red falling from her abdomen, sapping the warmth from her bones. The tarask vibrates behind her, breaching this realm for the next, and Bea wants to beg, “No, I just got her back–”

It’s like a higher power hears her plea, her heavy limbs sliding her down the claws, crumpling straight to the floor. 

The ground blurrily comes up to meet her, head bouncing from the weakness. She can’t even hold up her own head. 

The impact jars her, the emptiness suddenly gone, replaced by thick syrup sticking to her throat, blocking the airway. 

Faint hollers reach her ears as her lung convulses with coughs, desperate to expel the blood pooling in her lungs. 

She’s been blessed again, right in the view of Ava’s wonderful face. Thank you. The last thing she’ll see before she dies. 

She thinks Ava’s face falls, but half her gaze is obscured by the cobblestones pressing into her face. The other half is hazy. Between the dark splotches, two Avas rush towards her, overlapping and separating with each sway. 

Ava’s twinkling voice sounds like it’s underwater, just out of reach for clarity.

“Bea–”

A deep chill runs through her bones, barely mustering up the strength to comprehend the words, but she’s here. 

“Stay with me Bea,” drifts into her ears. 

The pulses keep going, portals thrumming with energy. It was Ava, calling for her. 

But her heart misses a beat, pulsing a half-second slower than the dimensional field. Then a second. Then two. Then three.

The splotches have disappeared, replaced with a dark veil, falling like a curtain over her vision. Shaky hands gather her up into their arms. She wants to reciprocate, but her limbs refuse, weighed down by a million different forces.

The darkness abates for a second, Ava’s brilliant brown eyes shining back at her. Seeing her. 

“I missed you,” she chokes, copper on her tongue. It comes out weak, and for a second, she thinks that Ava hears nothing at all. 

“I love you,” Ava responds, clutching her closer. “Please don’t leave me, please don’t leave me.”

She hears, but her brain is slow to process, fuzzy and waning. But she has to say it back, she has to. She didn’t when Ava first left and now–

”I love you too.”

Her eyes have slid shut, so she doesn’t see the glow. But she feels the warmth, spreading over her limbs and soothing the aches and pains. 

She doesn’t see the Halo in Ava’s back, but she feels it, beating steady til hers matches.

“I’m not letting go of you yet love,” a tender promise by her ear.

The halo glows harder, a faint tingle in her side. 

It comes out stronger this time, steady and sure. She pries her eyes open, reveling in the soft glow. 

"Ava."

Ava stares back at her, devotion apparent. God, how Beatrice would kill to just touch her face, soft skin gentle under her fingertips. Warm and real.

Her body responds now, an affectionate smile curling her lips.

“I love you.”

In this life.

And evermore.