#syd seeing knox? i might DIE

[monttagues]

colinmorgay replied to your post: I feel sick

Good sick. I feel complete. This is what we needed Kat. This is good

alex london himself has come back to heal me

[mottiebooknerd]

My top 6 favorite books

Listed in no specific order since I can’t choose which one I Liked the most. They’ve all touched me so deeply, made me Laugh, shiver and cry in different ways. My Small reviews on these books aren’t professional at all, They’re just for anyone who might want something good to read. I recomend all of these!

“Carry On” by Rainbow Rowell

It just has it all! Magic, an awesome girl of colour, confused teens, angsty situations, drama, action, love and a gay main character. The protagonist Simon Snow is one of the most Relatable boys, he just wants to help everyone and be there, doing his best, but having been (in some aspects) cursed with an overwhelmingly amount of power he can’t control, he tried to live with this burden of being the “chosen one” which isn’t easy. A great evil is loose who has to be stopped, but that’s hard when you still have School to attend to and an arch nemesis roommate who could ruin it all. I’m just so happy that the second book “Wayward Son” comes put Soon, I can’t wait!

“What if it’s us” by Adam Silvera and Becky Albertalli

Heart Warming, funny, filled with emotions of every kind. You know an lgbt book is Well written when you love the straight friend. Ben and Arthur deserves each other right from the start, but with so many obstacles in New York, it surely makes it hard for Them. The Universe sometimes seems to be after them with all the drama that occures. It’s hard to find love and ecspecially if you have a time limit, Arthur only staying in New York for the summer, so he and Ben have to make the most of it.

“Proxy” by Alex London

I Think I spilled a few tears on the last pages while Reading. This book is truly about unfairness in a society where there’s a bug gap between Rich and poor. Orphans are taken in and made to become a proxy, which means they belong to a wealthy person Called a patron. If the patron gets in trouble, the proxy gets the punishment. In a dystopic future filled with New and advanced technology, an action filled adventure suddenly takes place for Sydney and Knox, who are forced to get on the run, stamped as terrorists. All Syd wanted was to stay off the radar, but his patron Knox, the Rich pretty boy suddenly gets in an accident which causes his World to be flipped upside down in a matter of hours. Incredibly written, had me on the edge of my seat every step of the way. Knox’ accident happened the same day Sydney is suddenly outed as a chapter 11 (gay) in front of all of his class mates and even his crush. Sometimes all this fancy Technology Can do more harm than good, and they certainly learn that the hard Way. Is there a Way to take down the system and let all the other proxies free?

“The Universe versus Alex Woods” by Gavin Extence

Meet the quirky young boy named Alex Woods who’s too hit in the head with a meteor. That exact accident has such a Big affect on Alex throughout this book and his life. At only 11 years old, He’s been in the media all over England, famous in his own town aswell. But Alex isn’t your typical 11 year old boy, he finds it Way easier to connect and befriend adults than kids his own age. Certain events leads to him becoming the best friend of an old retired veteran, who at first dont want anything to do with Alex, but his mother forces him to spend a little time with him. They develope a beautiful friendship over years which left me with a good feeling inside.

“Will Grayson Will Grayson” by John Green and David Levithan

I always love to read a book written by two authors, seeing their different writing style and how they make a character so personal. This book is about two (very) different boys who share the same name and of course fare has it that they eventually meet under Odd circumstance. One Will is the socially awkward boy we all know and love, with a friend Called Tiny who loves musicals (He’s not tiny in the slightest) and the other Will is a homosexual emo boy who tries to find love online. At some point he does fine someone, but could it be a catfish? You never know.

“They both die at the end” by Adam Silevera

This book has brought me to tears more times than I Can count while Reading through it. Only a few pages in and I Got teary eyed. What would you do if you Got a Call that told you, you are gonna die today? There’s no Way to know when Exactly and how, only that you are at the end of the Line and you’re gonna die. Is it fair when the 18 year old Mateo gets a Call like this? Or 17 year old Rufus? This exact Call is what brings these two together, wanting to live out their last day since both of them doesn’t have much family nor friends. Both boys are healthy so there’s no Way to tell what will kill Them in the end. That’s what gets Mateo paranoid, he could fall down the stairs in his apartment building and break his neck! Or the bookcase in his bedroom could fall over him and crush his body. So what would you do? Live your life like it’s the last of course.

[nona-gay-simus-main]

Review of Proxy and Guardian

I finished Guardian a few of days ago, but finally I’ve finally gathered my thoughts enough to write a review.

I’ll review the books separately and put the spoilers under a cut, if anyone who’s either read the books wants to see my opinion or if you just don’t care about spoilers.

I liked Proxy very much. It didn’t go the way I thought it would, but I still enjoyed right up until the end, which broke my heart, and not in the fun way. It’s not the most original concept, but it works and it has a small, but likeable (or at least relatable) cast and a very clear political message. Some of plot happenings were perhaps predictable and possibly not as effective (such as the death of a character midway through), but they did serve their plot purpose and I tend to judge elements from YA books with a less harsh lens, knowing they are not made for me.

The one thing I did not like was that despite this being hailed as an LGBTQ+ book... there really wasn’t much lgbtq+ content. Sure, the main character was gay and we touch on some of his unrequited crushes, but every other character we come across is - by all accounts -straight, including one of our three protagonists Marie, though a romance isn’t really something she cares about in either book. (Knox is... complicated and I’ll touch more on him in the spoiler-y section)

The ending was a serious downer. I was crying in anger and frustration for at least a couple of days after, and it took me months to pick up the sequel, because of it.

Speaking about the sequel... it was just mediocre. I was hoping it would redeem the ending of Proxy, but it doesn’t. It’s not the worst thing I have read, by far, but it’s not the best either. We get a little bit more gayness, but that also ultimately felt underwhelming (again, more on this in the spoilery section - also btw do not read the backcover of this book before reading Proxy, I’m pretty sure it spoils Proxy quite a bit.) 

On top of that, I thought the politics of this book were very confused and unclear, until the very end and even then it was still just this vaguely humanitarian message without any specifics or ideology. On top of that, the main characters didn’t even end up contributing to anything. I mean they tried, but mostly stuff happened around them and at the end, it turned out that they couldn’t even do anything biggest problem they were trying to solve. The book also dragged and it took me soooo long to read it because I barely even wanted to open it.

Another thing I hated about Guardian - and I can’t remember if this was this was the case for Proxy as I read it so long - was that there was constant head-hopping between the three MCs’ POVs. And I mean paragraph to paragraph, and sometimes even sentence to sentence. That was not a fun reading experience.

So was there anything I did like about Guardian? Sure. There were some good ideas, I liked what happens with the Guardians/nopes by the end, Marie is a badass, and the romance - despite my issues with it - is ultimately kinda cute.

So before I go into the spoilers (that part will be short, there’s basically only three things I want to talk about), what’s my ultimate conclusion?

Well, I would say that if you want a dystopian series that breaks the mould from the typical straight white girl protagonist (Syd is not only gay, but also black), has kind of cute m/m romance, a badass female MC, and some interesting ideas - consider giving this a read. The writing is decent, and if you don’t think any of the stuff I mentioned will be a deal-breaker for you, you’ll probably have good enough time.

However, if what you are looking for is a YA book with coherent and consistent politics throughout, MCs that end up effecting the plot by the end, no heartbreak, and and a really good queer romance... maybe skip this one. 

Now for the spoilers:

So 1. Knox’s sexuality:

Knox starts out as a typical straight guy who admits he would hook up with basically any girl above a 5/10. Knowing that the protagonist is gay, I really did think the book was setting Knox up for a queer awakening. Perhaps he’d realize he’s bisexual or pansexual, and fall for Syd. 

And while I’m not saying there’s nothing to suggest he might be, if you turn the book sideways and squint at it - he does end up doing some not-so-straight stuff with Syd, including straight-up making out with him - but none of that is portrayed as him struggling with his sexuality. He even says “no homo” (well, not in those wordsm, but the equivalent) when kissing Syd and even according to Syd the kiss was more because Knox is a drama queen. Him possibly having feelings for Marie was more played up, and the idea that he might be into Syd was more usded as a manipulation tactic on Knox’s side and something Syd and Marie would tease him about.

I’m too lazy to find the actual post, but the author was asked about Knox’s sexuality on his tumblr, and he said something along the lines of “Knox is knoxsexaual - he’s attracted to the way he sees himself through other people’s eyes”; and at other points said that people are allowed to interpret Knox’s sexuality however we want. Which... no offense to Alex London, I’m sure he’s great guy to go grab a cup of coffee with, but that’s a cheap cop out. If you want to write a bisexual character, write a bisexual character. If you want to write a straight character, who is willing to use his attractiveness to manipulate others - even men - to get what he wants, write that character. But don’t do this. It’s annoying and nobody wants it. It’s not real rep and it’s not even something that many people will relate to. I just don’t... get it. 

Anyway, if you ask me, Knox is bi and he fell for Syd.

Moving on:

2. The ending of Proxy: Knox dies.

It was supposed to be Syd, but because of a blood transfusion, Knox also had the virus that would destroy the networks, so he sacrifices himself to let Syd live and make up for what Syd had to endure as his proxy, and dies. And he dies hard, he straight up evaporates from the radiation. He doesn’t come back in any form (except in Syd’s hallucinations) in the sequel either. Seeing as Knox was my favorite character, and the one I thought would be most interesting to explore, him dying like that was not fun, to say the least. I was angry and frustrated and I hate everything.

3. The romance.

In Guardian we’re introduced to Liam - a 17yo redheaded child-soldier with a metal arm, who becomes Syd’s personal bodyguard, now that Syd is the symbol of the Revolution (despite Knox being the one to die for it, but that’s a secret only a few people know) and loads of people want him dead for it.

Liam was already fighting an uphill battle for my affection, as he came into the picture to replace Knox, and as I said - Knox was my favorite character. Thankfully, Liam managed to quickly grow on me. The romance however.... well, it’s pretty one-sided for most of the book and even when Syd reveals he knows about Liam’s feelings it’s not really clear how Syd himself feels about him. Nothing truly romantic until the last three(1) chapters happens and even then it’s a short kiss that’s not really there to resolve any kind of mutual longing, but rather to motivate Liam not to die. And the end is hinted that if Syd makes it, they will become a couple.

It’s not a bad romance, by any means. It’s cute, and I certainly wouldn’t go as far as to say that I see no reasons for them to be attracted to one-another as is the case with some other dystopian series (*cough* Delirium *cough*). But ultimately my issue is that... I’m not sure that these two would be together under any other circumstances.

There are no other gay/bi guys around, and Syd and Liam were pushed together by circumstances. It just makes me wonder if they would’ve fallen for one another if they had more dating options and if they had met in some alternative universe where Liam isn’t a child soldier and Syd doesn’t need quite as much protection. Perhaps you could argue this wasn’t really the point, and that they are just two young men finding themselves... but it’s the last book in the series. I don’t expect fiction to be realistic, that’s why it’s called fiction. I guess I just want my fictional romances to be a little more... romantic.