#sya extended notes

[seeyouafter]

SYA Extended Notes Ch. 39-44

Or: Acceptance and healing - some thoughts on Shouto's post-war journey

Notes for "See You After" Chapter 44: August 2: Shouto's Journal - Unsent Letter

I can’t forget what happened but maybe someday I’ll be able to forgive you so that I can put all of it behind me and move on. I don’t know what that means for us or for our family, but I hope that someday I’ll be able to show you that I’m proud of who I’ve become in spite of everything you did.

I originally started typing this up to post with chapter 39 but decided to wait until after this chapter, and Shouto's unsent letter, to share my thoughts on how I imagine he and his family might begin to navigate the healing process.

In essence, I think that a post-war arc for Shouto involves him taking the time to process the things he went through and to decide for himself what he wants to do going forward.

This fic inevitably contains my personal headcanons of what Shouto's healing journey might involve after the war ends. Of course, there are as many interpretations of what "should" happen next as there are readers, but these are a few of my thoughts in relation to "See You After" so far.

Acceptance is the first step

I talked a bit about this in the extended notes for Chapters 10-11, but up until this point, I really don't think Shouto saw what Endeavor did to him as abuse. Even if he knew it on an intellectual level, he probably didn't want to accept it for various reasons. Although he did acknowledge that what his father did to his mom was abuse, when he expresses his anger toward his father, it's always framed around what he did to his mom (and later Touya).

BNHA 192: The Todoroki Family & 249: The Hellish Todoroki Family

One of those reasons probably has something to do with the way Touya revealed Endeavor's abuse of his family, specifically Shouto, very publicly and out of spite toward their father.

BNHA 291: Thanks for Going Strong

Shouto never had a say in the matter and Touya didn't do him any favors. Rather than viewing him with sympathy for being a victim, the public views him with suspicion because of his blood ties to a mass murderer and an abuser. Of course, that's not fair, but that's the cultural context of the society they're living in.

BNHA 325: The Bonds of One for All & BNHA 327: Rest

Guilt, Blame, and Responsibility

Shouto has been the one carrying the burden of his father's mistakes for his entire life, but even moreso since Touya reappeared. Unlike Touya, he blames his father completely, but I don't think Touya is entirely wrong when he says that Rei is guilty too. She's a victim, of course, and most of it was beyond her control, but she agreed to the marriage, knowing what it was. Moreover, it is a parent's responsibility to take care of their children, and she wasn't able to do that. Even though it wasn't her intention and Shouto refuses to blame her for hurting him, there's still a lot to unpack and a lot of trust that needs to be rebuilt.

BNHA 249: The Hellish Todoroki Family & BNHA 302: The wrong way to put out a fire, part 2

Natsuo and Fuyumi's guilt about not being able to do anything was realistic and understandable, but they were also children and it wasn't their responsibility to fix everything, which makes their experiences heartbreaking in a different way. There's a lot for all of them to reconcile on their own and as a family.

Rei showing up at the hospital and meeting Endeavor face to face again took a great deal of courage, and I don't think we can fault her for the things she says. Although it shouldn't be any of the children's responsibility, they do all have to deal with the fallout, which I think was the point she was trying to make here. But once again, the burden fell on Shouto to be their family's hero.

Shouto believes that he has to be strong because he's a hero. And while that's admirable, that mindset is part of the larger problem. So far in canon, we've mostly seen Shouto protecting his mom, not the other way around. And that's part of his character, his foundation as a hero - the way he had the instinct to protect when he was just a child, and his decision to take the first step after the sports festival to reach out and save her.

But it still kills me that their reunion scene in the hospital post PLF war was skipped over just so there could be a big reveal when the family went to confront Enji.

BNHA 298: Sounds of Collapse & BNHA 300: The Hellish Todoroki Family, Part 2

In this scene, Shouto had his hand on Rei's back to support her, meanwhile not once do we see him get a hug or any comforting touch from any of the people who should be there to support him. (A lot of Chapter 39 of "See You After" came from my desire for just that)

Identity and the choice to become a hero

BNHA 39: Todoroki Shouto: Origin

Shouto's fight with Izuku during the sports festival was the start of him reclaiming his identity as his own person, separate from his father, and reaffirming his desire to become a hero on his own terms. Still, the fact that he never really had the choice to try to be anything else is something to consider, especially as we see the rest of the world question the role of heroes and the overall system.

Names are important

BNHA 45: Time to pick some names (+anime ep. 26)

I really love the symbolism of Shouto's hero name. By using his real name, he's essentially refusing to separate his identity as a hero from who he is as a person, which is important because of how he makes a clear distinction between Endeavor (the hero) and Enji (the father). But something that's often lost in translation is Shouto's choice to use the phonetic spelling: ショート instead of the kanji characters: 焦凍 (meaning to burn and to freeze), which I've always interpreted as a statement of his desire to exist as an individual beyond the context of his quirks.

It was hard to convey in this fic because I'm obviously writing it in English, but I wanted to make it clear that he signed the unsent letter as ショート because of what it symbolizes.

I feel like Shouto would probably have a complicated relationship with his given name because Endeavor valued him solely for his quirk. Meanwhile, "Todoroki" is a constant reminder of his family's legacy in the aftermath of Touya's broadcast.

I like to think that even before their conversation during the long phone call at the end of chapter 39, Katsuki understood this on some level. That's why in this fic, even though he rotates through a variety of nicknames (in their earlier letters, he uses a different one each time), he rarely calls Shouto by his last name, unless he's trying to make a point (like in his letter in Chapter 11 and the phone call in Chapter 19).

That's something I leaned into when I started writing the transition to them using each others' given names back during their text conversation in Chapter 36. (Originally, I thought it was going to happen quite a bit later in the story, but writing is a funny thing and characters sometimes have minds of their own.)

[gullibleflam]

2

Hai Miki!!!

"Boang replyi siguro aron makaila ka kinsa na," matud pa ni Orca pagkabantay niya nga gabasa kog text message while ga-lampaso sya sa salog, nya ako ga-silhig.

Cleaners diay mi karon kay friday. Gasunod raman mig apilyedo ni Orca, ako Salamat, siya Uy. Yes, naa'y lahi ug Chinese ang inyong angkol.

"O kay naa man koy load." Sarcastic answer nako.

"Makitext diay ka?"

"Magpatext diay ka?"

"Dili."

Ang animal.

"Miki, naa'y nangita nimo!" syagit sa akong isa ka classmate nga gadula ug tumba-lata sa gawas.

Murag reflex na nga nag eye-contact dayun mi ni Orca pagka dungog namo ato. Tapos pina-smile dayun sya nga naa'y malisya.

"Yawa Miks basin mao na imong love of your life," sungog niya.

Gisipatan ra nako sya unya nigawas ko sa room para tan awon kinsa ang nangita.

"Asa man?" I asked. Siya raman gud isa.

"Tua sa may fountain dapit sya naghulat. Pagdali daw." ingon ni Kent, katong nitawag sa ako.

Hala ka maayo gud kay ako pa'y paadtuon?! Pero kay curious man ko, niadto nalang pud ko.

Duol-duol raman pud hinuon sa among room ang fountain so dili ra sakit sa buot. Medyo hapit nako, nakita na nako nga naa'y taason nga lalaki nagtindog. Taas jud kaayo murag kahoy, pero haskang niwanga. Itomon sya; I'm so sure ga-sige ni sya'g painit. Dayun naka half uniform ra sya (naka-t-shirt).

Grabe ka-awkward tong nagka-atubang nami. Maypa ug wala ko ning anhi.

"Hi," he greeted shyly. Ninghangad pako para makakita sa iyang nawong kay taas gyud sya, mga 5'8 siguro. Ambot lang di ko sure.

"Unsa'y tuyo nimo?" diretso nakong pangutana sa iya.

"Kuan, kanang..." dili sya ka-diretso ug tubag. I raised my eyebrows.

"Kanaaang... Naa naka'y uyab?" medyo na-shock ko sa iyang straightforward question, pero wala rapud nako gi-show.

"Wala. Ikaw tong sige ug text nako?"

Gitan-aw nako sya pina head-to-toe, wala nako tuyoa. Pero, dili jud nako sya type. Mura sya'g si Ryuk sa Death Note.

"Ay, oo. Sorry, Win diay." He extended his arm, gesturing to shake hands with me. So, akong gibuhat, akong gi-apir.

"Hala cleaners raba ko, basin gipangita nakos room!" Pasumangil nako dayun nidagan.

"Bye Miki! Nice to meet you!"

Wala na nako sya lingia, basta nidagan lang jud ko.

[rescuedbyjesus]

Random Notes

24 April 2020

Day 40 na ng Enhanced Community Quarantine. And Covid19 is still here, plaguing the world. Pero salamat pa din sa Diyos kasi safe kami ng family ko and all my friends. Of course, prayers sa mga pasyente ng Covid. Hoping and praying that this pandemic will be over soon. Sweep it away God.

*********

For the past 37 days, our squad has been doing bible studies. We started with Hebrews then we had Romans, then we had 1st Peter and now we are discussing about relationships and being single and being married. Itong huling topic is not much something I am Comfortable with but this is an important topic for most of us in our community group. I think we all need this wisdom from the Lord on relationships and married life. Sobrang importante. Most especially personally since ako mismo had been from 4 failed relationships. I feel like not a credible one to discuss the topic but thank you Lord for sustaining us all throughout. Lalo na sa mga rebukes, paalala ni Lord to always give us the right perspective. Thank you Jesus for our small community of faith na nag aalign sa amin palagi to the right path and of course sa Word po ninyo.

******

Also tonight, isa sa mga anak anakan ko ang balak na atang magjowa. Coincidentally, our short chat is related to the Bible study topic kanina so I think, naliwanagan naman sya. But my dearly beloved spiritual son, I pray for discernment for you and focus on what truly matters for now. All the best for you dude!

*******

Kaloy has fever and he loves alone. Lord guide the kid and may he be healed soon sa trangkaso nya. I thank this guys for always being the first one na mangamusta at makaramdam if I'm not okay. He's a real dude. And op kors my brother Leandro who also never fails to check me out. They are reminders that somebody cares for me too.

Well because recently, I have this not so good feelings again. Na I feel like nobody cares for me, I am not a person worth caring for, ewan ko since Jen and I split almost three years ago, I always have this feeling na na iiwanan ako lagi. So yeah, I feel like anyone will just leave me. That feeling is not really good. I know I have hundreds of friends who care about me too. Maybe it's just me not too much trusting the Lord. So yeah, I need to really get up on my feet and do things right and not have my emotions get the best of me. Kailangan talaga focus and just do what I have to do.

So now, I feel much better now actually. Well, we can never be perfectly ok naman dito sa mundo but as long as we keep the faith in God, everything will be bearable. Salamat Lord.

********

So I left the FB Convo with some of my Friends and colleagues. Tampo lang naman. I feel like I am not being heard. Or just my mental health now going down because of this super extended stay at home situation. They had me back sa GC but I don't feel good about it yet so yeah I am taking my time off with them and sort things out muna for myself.

*******

Speaking of the extended lockdown, And since the net is showing some good signs, I have to really go back now to writing my dissertation proposal. Graduate School can wait no more. Kailangan na talaga harapin.

*******

So Lord God, my prayers tonight are

1. Please keep us safe from Covid 19.

2. Provisions for my friends Lord God especially sa mga kaibigan ko po na medyo kapos na sa Finances

3. Send more help. Sa aming fund raising projects

4. Health of Nicole's parents, and basically all. Our parents. Ingatan nyo po sila Panginoon lalonna s amga frontliners naming kapamilya.

5. Prayer for my heart Lord. Pagod na Lord. Help me to get on with life Lord.

6. Thank God for everything.

In JESUS name, Amen.

*********

[tweetyshit]

Dancing Constellations (Loki Laufeyson)

This is something I wrote a while ago (like 3 months) that im posting to make up for my lack of imagines. Im really sorry that ive been extremely inactive its just school has me stressed af and I never have the time to post. :(

Fandom: Marvel

Summary: Theres a celebration going on but Loki is distraced by the reader. They have the ability to control constellations and Loki befriends them. (This imagine can either be pictured as when they are children or older its up to you.) 

Requested by: N/A

Warnings: none

Since the first time he saw her in the gardens, Loki has always been captivated by (Y/N) and her abilities. He never actually saw her use these powers of course, and never actually talked to her. But he heard wonderful things from Sif.

This is why when he heard that there was to be a celebration with all of asgard invited, he was ecastic. If all went well he would befriend her or even get to dance with her.

The night came and the celebrations began, (Y/N) was nowhere to be seen and Loki was beginning to worry that she didnt come and that he would never get to see her. With all hopes lost he walks into the gardens only to be met with a truly amazing sight...

(Y/N) was standing in the center of the flora, a small scale of the universe surrounding her. She was pulling small versions of planets into her hands and inspecting them before placing them back into the small nebula.

Loki was at a loss for words, he knew that she had magic but he didnt know that she was this good at it. Sure he knew a few tricks and spells but that was nothing compared to what (Y/N) was doing. He was enchanted to say the least.

He swallows nervously and begins to walk towards her.

“Hello.”   he says in a small voice as an attempt not to scare her. She jumps a little but quickly calms down when she sees who it was. A smile spreads across her face as she spreads out the scale around her so Loki could join her inside the nebula.

“How do you do this?” he asks curiously, looking at the young girl who was eyeing the consellations carefully with a smile on her face , she shrugs. “Ive been able to do this for as long as I can remember, my mother and I would go outside lat at night and watch the stars. I dont remember it but she told me a story of when I was very young, I wanted to see Ursa minor closer so I reached my hands up into the air and a tiny version of the constellation came towards me. So I guess it was just something that I was born with.”

Astonished, Loki trys to keep calm, “ Can you maybe... Teach me?” he asks shyly. She gives him a warm smile, “I can try.” she says as he nods.

“Hold out your hands like this.” (Y/N) instructs taking his hands and moving them so his palms were facing up, causing a chrimson hue to rize up his face.

She summons a small constellation in her hands then carefully passes it to Loki. “Concentrate,” she syas, “try not to loose it.” He uses as much strength as he could to keep it in his hands but ends up failing. He tries it again, the same result each time he tries it.

“Ugh, I give up!” he exclaims dropping his hands. “Im sorry (Y/N), cosmic energy just isnt my strong point.”

“I understand.” she says calmly, it would be the same situation if I tried to use the magic that is suited to you, some people just have different strong points thats all.”

A warm smile spreads across Loki’s face in an attempt to show his gratitude to (Y/N) about how unbelievably kind she was being towards him, she returned the gesture.

A thought occurs to him, nervously, he asks her the question he’s wanted tp ask since he walked into the garder. 

“W-would you like to dance with me?” he stammers with as much courage as he could muster. (Y/N) smiles, “Of course” she says.

Together they walk back into the rush of the celebration, an orchestra was playing a piece while couples waltzed together.

Loki bows while (Y/N) curtseys, “M’lady would you care to dance?” he asks with a smirk and his hand extended, making fun of all the posh people attending the celebration.

“Thank you kind sir, I would very much like to dance with you on this fine evening.” she mocked and took his hand in hers.

Chuckling, the two begin to waltz to their best abilities. Careful not to step on each others toes. Loki made a mental note to thank his mother later for making him take waltzing classes.

He decides to look up from their feet as thats where he was looking since they started dancing. What he was not expecting was to see (Y/N) staring right back at him. He stays there just staring into her eyes until he is snapped out of his daze.

“Loki! Loki!” says (Y/N), snapping her fingers in front of his face. “what?” he asks unaware of what was going on around him. She rolls her eyes. “The song is over! People are beginning to leave and I need to find my father!” she says. Realizing what was happening a chrimson blush begins to rise up into his cheeks.

“Oh my... Im so sorry.” he stutters, letting go of her waist and taking a step back. To avoid her eyes he looks at his hands, for he was afraid that he would daze off again if he looked up.

“Loki, its alright, dont worry about it! Loki didnt realize this before but he loved the way she said his name. Its something about her tone when she says it how how smoothly it came of her tongue but he just couldnt help but smile.

“(Y/N)!” a male voice calls from across the ball room and she turns around. “Thats my father.” she says, looking back at Loki. “Thank you for accompaning me this evening, I had a wonderful time.” she gives him a quick kiss on the cheek to show her gratitue then hurries off. The blush which was on his cheeks grow worse, to the point that his normally cold complection felt like it was burning. He eventually staggers off to find his mother to tell her about the wonderful night he had, and dreaming about the others to come.

[pilyongpinoy]

Anger pt.III

NOTE: Para mabasa ang mga naunang post tungkol sa temang ito. Click Anger pt.I and Anger pt.II. Maraming salamat. - PINOY

Balikan natin ng slight ang mga nauna kong sinabi tungkol sa galit. Yes, parang classroom set-up lang na kailangan bago simulan ang isang lesson ay may review. Bakit kailangang magreview? Kasi may mga bagay na nakakalimutan tayo kasi hindi natin napagtutuunan ng pansin. Kaya ayan tuloy ay iniwan ka ng syota mo kasi nakalimutan mong rebyuhin ang relasyon nyo kung healthy pa ba o hindi na. *wait. Baka mawala ako sa topic ko ngayon*

Kung babalikan natin ang Part II nitong Anger, sinabi ni Fernandez sa kanyang sinulat na The Anger Personality: A Representation on Six Dimension of Anger Expression (2008) na may tatlong klase ng galit (yes! Akala mo pare-pareho lang yan? Magkakaiba yan!). Ito ang passive anger, aggressive anger at assertive anger. Naipaliwanag ko na ang Passive Anger at kung saan matatagpuan ito? Just click the link above (anger pt.II). Thank you.

AGGRESSIVE ANGER - direkta nating kinakausap ang mga taong nagtitrigger sa ating nararamdaman. Para sa mga taong may aggressive anger, mas madali sa kanilang ilabas ang galit nila kung direkta nilang kakausapin ang kanilang kaaway. Maaaaring mailabas nila ito sa pamamaraan ng pananakit sa kanya emotionally, physically or psychologically. May ibat-ibang klase ng aggressive anger. Halimbawa…

1. Bullying - pinakanormal na ito na paraan para ilabas natin ang galit natin sa ating kapwa. Kung babalikan natin ang post ko tungkol sa bullying as one of the defense mechanisms, sinasabi dito na maaaring iproject natin ang galit natin sa ibang tao. Maaaring sa mga taong mas mahina sa atin at alam natin na kayang kaya natin silang talunin. Halimbawa, binubugbog ka ng tatay mo sa inyong bahay at dahil pakiramdam mo na ang hina-hina mo ay hahanap ka ng mga kaklase mo na mabubully. Sa ganitong paraan, nararamdaman nila na malakas din sila. Na kaya nilang makapanakit ng kapwa. Sa relasyon din mga bes, kapag feeling mo ay inuunder ka ng jowa mo, baka may point sa buhay nya na sunud-sunuran sya kaya gusto nya na maramdaman na sya naman ang powerful sa relasyon nyo. Werpa!

2. Destructiveness - ito ay paninira ng mga gamit, maaring dahil sa vandalism o kaya naman ay paghagis ng mga kagamitan sa bahay. Kung nakapanood kayo ng mga lumang pelikulang Pilipino na panahon nila Lito Lapid at Jacklyn Jose, makikita nyo ang mga eksena kung saan uuwing gabi at lasing si mister at magagalit si misis pagkatapos ay babatuhin nya ito ng kung anu-ano tulad ng baso, plato, figurines at kahit TV. Kayang kayang ibato dahil sa sobrang galit. Sa mga kabataan naman ay in na in ang paninira sa mga pampublikong lugar at transportasyon. Makikita mo sa mga CR na may mga vandals na Mahal loves Dagul 4eves. #BakitNyoAkoNiloko #FixMeImBroken o kaya naman ay UxtOh qUoeh nU4h m4m4t4y. Sa pamamagitan ng vandalism ay nailalabas natin ang mga galit natin sa buhay. Sa bus din makikita mo mga numbers kung saan nakalagay ay Wanted Sexmate pagkatapos ay number nung kagalit nila ang ilalagay nila. Naniniwala ako na ang mga taong gumagawa nito ang dapat inuunang dalhin sa impyerno.

3. Grandiosity - ito ay behavior kung saan gusto mong maging angat sa iba. Kumbaga ikaw si Jollibee dahil bida bida ka. Sila yung mga taong mataas ang tingin sa sarili na hindi makikipagbabaan ng pride. Akala nila sila ang sentro ng buhay ng mga tao na sa kanila iikot ang buhay nila. Itong mga taong ito ay hindi makikipagbati sayo kapag hindi ikaw ang unang lumapit. Hindi ka nila kakausapin hanggat hindi ikaw ang nagsosorry. At naniniwala ako na kadalasan, sila yung mga pinakamatatanda na sa opisina na kailangang pakisamahan mo.

4. Hurtfulness - ah! Iba ito. May kasamang pisikalan. Lets get physicaaaaal! Sila yung mga taong nabubuhay sa pagiging bayolente. Mga kamag anak ata ni Goku na ambilis magkamehame wave. Sila yung mga taong magsasalita ka palang pasuntok na sila. At hindi mo gugustuhing makipag-usap sa kanila dahil baka mata mo lang ang walang latay pag-uwi. Mag-ingat sa mga taong ito dahil madalas, sila yung mga unang napupunta ng bilibid.

5. Manic Behavior - sila yung mga taong tatalunin ang mga DJ, barker at mga tindera sa palengke na sumisigaw. At huwag mong asahan na makakapagsalita ka pa para ipagtanggol ang sarili mo dahil talo pa nila ang mga nagfi-flip top sa bilis ng pagsasalita. Sila yung mga taong kayang isumbat sayo pati ang pagkamatay ni Lapu-lapu, traffic sa EDSA at pag-extend ng Ang Probinsyano ng isa pang taon. Sila ang mga armalite ang bungaga. Mahihiya sila Gloc9 sa mga taong ito

6. Threats - matapos kang tadtarin ng mga kung anu-anong mga issue ay babantaan ka nila. Madalas uunahan na nila to ng mga salitang “Binabalaan kita” then kasunod noon ang mga consequences kapag ginawa mo yung mga pinagbabawal nila. Hindi ka naman matatakot sa galit nung tao, natatakot ka sa kaya nyang gawin at hanggang saan ang kaya nyang gawin dala ng galit.

7. Unjust Blaming - sabi nga ni Bobby sa pelikulang Four Sisters and A Wedding, “Bakit ako? Bakit parang kasalanan ko?” Ito ang mga taong isisisi sayo ang mga bagay bagay. Lahat ng kamalasan at kalecehan nya sa buhay ay sayo nya isisisi. Pati pagtakbo ni Mocha Uson bilang senador ay isisisi nya parin sayo.

8. Vengeance - ito na ata ang pinaka palasak na paraan ng pagkukwento sa mga teleserye. Kung saan mula sa kasula-sulasok na kahirapan ay babangon muli ang bida na biglang yayaman at gagantihan ang mga taong nagpahirap sa kanya. Ito ay mindset ng tao na hindi ako titigil hanggat hindi ako nakakaganti. Parang naga-gratify sila kapag nakikitang naghihirap ang mga kalaban nila dahil sa kanila. Naniniwala ako na karamihan sa paghihiganti ngayon ay dala ng ating napapanuod sa telebisyon.

Tanong: Paano mo hinahandle ang galit mo sa kapwa mo? Gusto mo bang gantihan sila? Ano ang pinakamalalang nagawa mo sa kapwa mo? Let me know.

[honoredsage]

Extreme Brownout

9:58 pm habang sinusulat ko to at wala pa rin kuryente. Nag-schedule ang Batelec II ng 6 am to 6 pm na brownout tapos inextend nila hanggang 8 pm. Pag-uwi ko ng bahay, inextend pa nila hanggang 10:30 pm. Atat na ako magkakuryente kasi tapos na ang update sa Naruto Blazing at labas na ang bagong game mode na Ninja Road at kelangan ko na rin mangolekta ng body scrolls. Feeling ko medyo matagal din akong hindi nag-post dito at may mga nangyari naman na pwede ko ikwento. Bakasyon kami for one week dahil ng Holy Week. Pero konting kwento muna ng mga nangyari before Holy Week. Natawag ako for steal sa recitation namin for 157. Ineexpect ko na hindi ko na sya masasagot kasi ang tanong ay kung anong tawag sa constituent government ng Belgium at hindi rin sya nasagot nung isa sa pinakagenius sa klase namin. Nung pangalan ko ang nabunot sa index card, ready na ako na magkaroon ng minus 1. Pero sa awa ng Diyos, biglang sabi ni Sir na “Ok, I’ll change the question.” At ang tinanong nya kung anong tawag sa constituent government ng Germany. For some reason, naisip ko si Carl Lande na isang German at naalala ko bigla ang Shingeki no Kyojin dahil marami syang German lyrics sa OST nya. Kaya sabi ko Lander kasi parang naalala ko rin na may ganun ako sa notes ko. Ayun, tama naman haha. Nanalo rin si Topet sa MX Polis ng department namin. Para syang pageant pero unlike last years na crossdressing sya for male participants, kung anong gender identity mo ang ipepresent mo ngayon. Si Topet lang actually yung lalaki. Nakakaproud kasi hinugot lang talaga namin sya at sobrang makeshift ng mga ginawa nya. Nakakatuwa rin kasi ako gumawa ng talent portion nya. So sa Holy Week break naman: Nagpunta yung pamilya namin sa father’s side sa Laiya para mag-beach. Saktong enjoy ko lang naman sya kasi puro matatanda kasama ko so wala akong ka-age. Di rin naman ako masyadong nakapagswimming pero oks na rin kasi at least nakapagswimming din. Lumabas na rin ang results ng UP LAE. At wala ang pangalan ko. Pero hindi naman ako masyadong nalungkot. Nung lumabas yun, 50% sad at 50% happy ako. Sad kasi di ako pumasa, pero happy kasi naisip ko na at least di ko na kelangan problemahin ang law school. Pero ngayon nakapagisip-isip ako, sana pumasok ako sa list for interview na ilalabas next week at makapasa. Maganda na rin yung marami akong options, so mas okay kung eligible na ako na makapasok ng law school. Pero hindi naman talaga ako masyadong nalungkot, kasi di ko pa rin naman alam kung gaano ko ka-gusto na makapasok ng law school. Gusto oo, pero di ko alam kung sapat yung kagustuhan na yun para maka-survive sa loob. Nung medyo nag-sink in na sakin na hindi agad ako pumasa, more of nainis ako kaysa nalungkot, siguro pride na rin lang yun. Mas nalungkot ako nung makita ko na wala yung pangalan nung isa kong bestfriend kasi alam ko kung gaano sya nagpakahirap na mag-aral, at deserve nya talaga makapasok. Si Lord na lang bahala kung anong balak nya sakin. Lumabas din ako kanina kasama sina Ernest (UP LAE PASSER PROUD OF YOU BOI), Ate Shiela, Jolina, at Maj. Actually, nakisali lang talaga ako. Dahil nga brownout ng sobrang tagal at sobrang init, nagpunta kami sa mall ng mga magulang ko. Nung nakatambay na lang kami, nagtext sakin si Ate Shiela na nasa Rob siya kasama si Jolina at nasa supermarket sila. So pagkapunta ko run, andun din pala si Ernest. Pagkabili ng toothbrush ni Jolina, pupunta ata kami dapat dun sa dog café kaso wala yung Husky na gusto nila makita so nag-isip na lang kami ng lugar na malamig. Ayaw na namin sa Rob kasi mahina aircon nila. Naisip ni Jolina sa Café De Lipa na malapit din naman. Pagpunta namin dun, andun si Maj na nag-aaral dahil may tatlo syang exam after the break. So ayun, malamig sa loob at may wifi. Nag-kwentuhan muna kami. Nung malapit na mag-6 pm, umuwi na si Maj (siguro kasi akala nila magkaka-kuryente na dahil yun yung original schedule) kasama kapatid at nanay nya. Saktong paguwi nila, nagtingin ako ng Facebook at nakita ang post ng Batelec II na extended hanggang 8 pm ang brownout. Bumalik kami ng Robinsons. Nanlibre si Ate Shiela uli sa Pizza Hut. Kwentuhan uli. Pagkatapos kumain si Ate Shiela ay umuwi na at kaming tatlo nina Ernest at Jolina ay medyo gumala at may bibilhin si Ernest na pampapogi at pati si Jolina. Dumaan kami sa isang Japanese store. Bumili ako ng balak kong i-regalo sa papalit sakin bilang VP ng committee ko tapos si Ernest ay bumili ng something na cute. Hindi nakabili si Ernest ng pampapogi nya dahil wala yung hinahanap nya. Pumunta kami sa supermarket dahil andun bibilhin ni Jolina. Buti naalala ko na nagpapabili nga pala nanay ko ng Gardenia, kaya bumili ako. Nabili naman ni Jolina yung kelangan nyang bilhin. Pagkatapos nun, umuwi na kami KASI AKALA NAMIN MAY KURYENTE NA PAGUWI ASAR. Ayun, salamat sa libre Ate Shiela! Update: WALANG KWENTA!!! 12:55 AM NA NAGKAKURYENTE RITO UGH

[jeancarmelle]

Letter to my future self

                                        Ephemeral by Ross Jaylo

Disclaimer:

It was such a challenge to convince myself to post this entry as it is, no revision or whatsoever because I believe in doing so I’ll be able to retain the authenticity of my emotions then. That way, it’ll be as sincere as it should be.

And so, here’s to my first Taglish entry.

THIS self-talk entry (and the likes of it) is exactly my point why I like writing my thoughts. For one, I almost forgot the specificity and severity of my dilemma five years ago. Though I remembered going through something, I’d never really thought of the extent of my confusion and realization about my life the way I am viewing it now. I almost forgot this, why I am where I am now and what really went wrong deep inside....

So everything was already planned! Which did not come to me as a surprise. And then one day, I just suddenly felt that the life I had planned for myself wasn’t really what I wanted after all! Just like that. Now it is getting clearer what led me to make the choices I have made. Oh life. Again, you are just being you.. Life. Some things are just not meant to be. And there are things you really cannot force yourself into (“Hindi napipilit ang mga bagay bagay”).

And so my resolution to this dilemma of mine before, simply walk away. I turned my back on the planned life I had designed for myself. Bold? I don’t know. But after five years, now I dare myself to answer the following:

Do you now feel you’re where you’re supposed to be?

Do you have even the slightest feeling of regret?

And by the way, how’s your NO PLAN kind of life working for you now?

Are you happy?

Do you feel like you’ve made the right decision?

Is choosing the path of the unknown, the unsure kind of life over the secured / safe one better?

And why do you still have so many questions?

Really, did you ever figure out any of the many confusions you had before? 

Seriously? That’s too many questions/wonders and I think I’ll just save my current thoughts on the many drafts I have in my notes... Just like this old entry. Who knows in the future it’ll be just like this. A reminder. Or a future entry? One I can rewrite and post, like maybe 5 years from now?

Why MBA and I broke up?

You know that feeling when it's too perfect to be true?

Background: When I decided to take up an MBA, finishing it was not part of the plan simply because I didn’t want the thesis part (tapos I have to defend it pa). My goal lang is to finish all the courses tapos bahala na after that (so since sa Ateneo paper is a requirement, technically di talaga tapos ang MBA without it). My reason back then was: pampalipas ng oras and just wanted to experience the school environment again. Kasi feeling ko di ko nagawa yun nung college. For three years I feel like I have conditioned myself (and my thinking) with that plan. And last April, I only have 1 course left plus this paper. Based on my timetable, this term should be the last (including the IF I am going to do the paper scenario). Na-extend kasi ako dahil nag-LOA ako last year. Anyway, feeling the it's now or never thing, that time I took the last course plus the paper. Kasubuan na lang.. Basta all I know is this is supposed to be the last term kasi eh.

And so during that term, naturally ayan na ang mga tanong.

Why I can’t seem to do it? Is it because na-condition ko na nga kasi masyado yung sarili ko na hindi ko talaga gagawin ito?

Or maybe I’m just giving excuses pero yung totoo hindi ko magawa...?

My reasoning: gusto ko naman syang gustuhin.. I want to want it. Alam mo yun? The idea is so perfect. Lahat ng nasa plano, nasunod (masusunod). The timing, super sakto. If I finish this and successfully passed, sasabay sya sa ika-5th year ko with Sun Life which was my deadline too. Again, pasok na naman sa schedule ko. (I had a plan kasi that after 5 years dapat wala na ko sa work na to) and so for some weird reason, saktong sakto ang mga timing, ang schedule. Kaya nga parang it's too ideal and perfect to a point na I am questioning kung makatotohanan (realistic) pa ba ang mga to?

Pero here is my dilemma.... I am aware of all of that. Kaya nga gusto ko syang gustuhin.. Pero bakit ganun...? Kahit anong attempt ko na simulang gawin, hindi ko magawa? Kasi hindi ko alam papano gawin? I mean alam ko naman, pero hindi ko makuha yung working mood ko. Alam ko naman na hindi madali, pero mas ramdam ko yung ayaw ko syang gawin.. I ask myself, bakit ko gagawin? Ano bang mapapala ko dito. Alam mo yung feeling na, lahat planado masyado only to realize nung 1 step away ka na lang to finish mararamdaman mo na lang na may mali? Na parang hindi ka na sigurado kung tama ba na para pa sayo yung mga plano mo before?? Na parang hindi naman ito yung gusto mo?? Yung feeling na you're doing the wrong things, you're in a wrong place... Sabi nga, parang midlife crisis lang ang peg.. Which by the way is nakatawa lang.

For weeks, I was battling with that idea... And then people would tell me of course na sayang.. Which is true nga naman. Sabi nga, isang hinga na lang eh, as in eto na oh.. Konting konti na lang.. Kumbaga sa game final level na., pero hindi ko maintindihan... Anong problema ko???

The normal me would do exactly the opposite of what people are telling me to do... May pagka-gaga kasi ako.. I really don’t care sa sasabihin ng iba, part of me wanted to make a decision na huwag nang gawin. Just like that, eh sa ayaw ko na eh? Bakit ba? Hindi naman first time na gagawa ako nang ganitong desisyon... Kaya lang, may part din na hindi ko lang basta ma let go, siguro nga kasi alam ko yung magandang result na nag-aantay if ituloy ko to.. Besides, nakaplano na to eh.. I’m known for sticking with my plans.. Kaso nararamdaman ko talagang ayaw ko syang gawin. Pero naisip ko, may mga bagay naman ako na nagagawa kasi I need to kahit ayaw ko.. Hindi naman kailanganing gustuhin.. So why not just do it para matapos na? Haay ang gulo.

Obviously I’m thinking too much. Pero ang hirap lang.. Hindi ko din alam bakit hirap na hirap ako when I’m one of those who can make decisions easily. Basta alam ko na ayaw ko, wala nang pag-uusapan.. Go lang no matter what the consequences are.. At alam ko kaya kong panindigan... Pero.....

Oh baka naman am trying to make excuses lang by saying na ayaw ko lang syang gawin when in reality hindi ko lang talaga kaya? Ayaw mo ba talaga? Sure ka? or takot ka lang?

Ang gulo lang..

[bananasareforever]

Day 1 4/4/2020

narealize ko na di pala sya yung dependent sakin. ako pala yung masyadong dependent sa kanya. sa totoo lang di ko alam pano na ko after ng ECQ kung sino makakasama ko sa mall, gumala or kaya mag travel. siguro try ko muna mag isa tas sooner or later mga mga makakasama na din akong friends lang. yung friends na walang something. kasi feeling ko wala akong on the Go na kaibigan. makakatulong din tong notes para maikwento ko o mailabas ko nararamdaman ko aja lang sabi nga ni basco. this time need ko tapangan. tas di ko na muna sasabihin sa kahit na kanino maliban kay basco at tatry ko din na less personal things ang isheshare ko sa iba o sa social media. Aja Jezel Laban lang.

Day 2 4/5/2020

Miss na miss ko sya naiiyak ako. pero di ko alam kung after koba makipagbalikan sa kanya mananawa lang din ako uli or aayaw din ako uli. daming beses ko na nakipagbreak at nakipagbalikan sa kanya sobrang unfair kung laging ganun kasi di lang sarili ko sinasaktan ko pati na sya. sabi nga ni lorenz no turning back. kaya ko to. para naman din to sa ikakabuti naming dalawa sooner or later pag ok na lahat pwede naman kaming maging magkaibigan. di ko sya ichachat sa 8 na para itransfer ko sa kanya yung 5k na sa cebupac. Aja jezel keep fighting.

Finollow unfollow nya ko sa IG at iguess inunfollow nya ko sa mga social media nya pero hayaan mo na in that way mas madali kaming magiging ok parehas.

Day 3 4/6/2020

Day 3 na gustong gusto ko syang ichat pero tatapangan ko. sinabi ko na kay ate kailangan kong tapangan. naginstall ako bumble kaso di ko talaga trip mga nakakausap ko dun at sa tinder mas lalo ko lang syang hinahanap. siguro ifocus ko nalang sarili ko sa ibang bagay. extender ang ecq hanggang april 30 feeling ko kakayanin ko naman laban lang. mahal ko sya pero mas ok na yung ayusin ko nalang sarili ko kesa bumalik sa kanya tas sya lang mawawasak ko.

I guess bananas are not forever.

Hayyyy aja jezel

[blkwidowsweb]

A Conversation with Chosen Few Guest DJ, Mickey Calvin

Mickey Calvin, a Chicago native began his love for music as a collector at a young age. While he was still a club kid himself, not really intending on being in front of an audience; he began DJing as a hobby. With great influences like his dad – who bought him his first set of “12’s” and the support of his friends Jamil Monley, Scooter B, Eric Jones and Cody Shorter who taught him the craft of Djing; Mickey finally decided it was time to test his skills before live audiences. 

Like most DJs in the 80’s and early 90’s, Mickey began to refine his sound by spinning at old school ‘house’ parties and opening in clubs for other House DJs. He’s played alongside some very notable DJs.

 He started doing events on a larger scale with promoter Marvin Terry and with the Help of George Jackson, He ended up doing venues such as Medinah Temple, The Armory and various other cool ‘house’ music party’s. DJ Mickey Calvin was in demand enough to establish an opening residency, with the help of his Mentor DJ LiL John at the hottest ‘house’ music club in Chicago - “Red Dog” from 2000 until 2003 (now closed) on North Avenue.  In 2004-2009 relocating to Nashville, TN Mickey connected to a small house scene and started doing a summer event called The Tea Dance, and also House Music Nashville. In his time there he also started doing an internet show on Pressure Radio that was based out of the UK. 2012 came fast and DJ Mickey Calvin teamed up with DJ/Producer Deejay Alicia in the creation and launch of MAC Productions. Together they started a weekly Thursday Residence at the Licorice Lounge on the Southside of Chicago.

 In 2014 he extended his branches a little further and became a partner with the tee shirt company “It's House Baby/U'Memba dat with Mace and Tim who started out in 2007 with a simple idea, to have a tee shirt that represented our love for House Music and the culture we were raised in. The same year he also was asked by Steve Silk Hurley and Shannon “DJ Skip” Syas of S&S Chicago to edit songs on the forthcoming The Chicago LP.   In 2015 DJ Mickey Calvin partnered with Devo Entertainment to form House Music Monday at The Family Den which is still one of the hottest ‘house’ music parties running on a Monday night on the Southside of Chicago.  2015 also marks the year that Mickey became a member of FREE UR SOUL in Atlanta where he participated in the Atlanta Weekender and the parties surrounding noted ‘House in the Park’.

 In 2016 he developed Mickcal Entertainment and was invited by Farley “Jackmaster Funk to play at the 35th year Anniversary Festival of the legendary Hot Mix 5 DJ’s and repeated that event the following year.   In 2018 he partnered with (Lady Alicia, DJ LIL John, and Renee Sonya to form M.A.J.R. Moves Chicago where the four friends decided to grow their friendship into a more social yet productive level. In this same year DJ Mickey Calvin also served as a guest DJ at the Phoenix House Fest in Arizona.

 This year has been an incredible year for Mickey Calvin as he released his first E.P. ON Campo Alegre Productions and was chosen to play the 2019 Chosen Few Picnic & Festival. 

 I had a chance to talk to Mickey about his career and his thoughts on playing this year’s Festival and Picnic.

Black Widow:  What was your introduction to House Music and what made you want to become a DJ?

Mickey Calvin:  I was introduced to house music in high school. I loved the music and was in a dance crew.  I started collecting music and hooked up with a few friends who taught me the art of DJing.  I learned about BPMs and how to mix and how to know your music.  It really just grew from there.

Black Widow:  When did you know DJing was more than a hobby?

Mickey Calvin:  Initially when I started to DJ it was really just for me.  I wanted to make mixes for myself that I could take with me and listen to.  I would be creating mixes at home and some people, who later became friends, would knock on my door and ask who’s that playing? From there people would ask me to DJ their parties.  I started doing parties around the neighborhood.  From there I would do high school and college parties and it eventually led to me DJing in clubs.

Black Widow: What would you consider to be the key to longevity in this scene, especially in Chicago, where the market is so saturated?

Mickey Calvin:  I think putting my time in, studying my music and my craft has really been the key. When I first started, I would practice almost 5 hours a day.  I still practice now.  I think acquiring good music, keeping your ears to the street and knowing what’s going on in the scene all help. I really think there aren’t any bad DJs…

Black Widow: Really?

Mickey Calvin:  Yeah, I say that because when I go hear another DJ play, I’m always learning. I’m either learning what to do or what not to do. 

Black Widow:  So even when they are bad, you still take something away from their set, you are always observing and learning from other DJs?

Mickey Calvin: Absolutely! Yes!

Black Widow:  Over the years, you’ve had different residencies. You are currently a resident at House Music Fridays, and House Music Mondays. What are some of the lessons you’ve learned as a resident DJ?

Mickey Calvin:  Pick the place you want to have your residency carefully, talk to the owner, go in on different nights and see what they do.  If you start something you want it to last and it won’t if you don’t know the crowd and how they may vary on different nights.   You also have to have a dope team. It has to be like a family. Everyone has to be on the same page, the bar staff, the security…everyone.  Honestly, everyone on the team should like house music because if they don’t, your patrons can see and feel that energy.  You don’t want that.  When people come to an event and see your bouncer bopping his head and your bartenders feeling the music, it helps create the atmosphere for a great party.

Black Widow:   it’s more than having a great place and DJ…

Mickey Calvin:  Right, because that’s what makes or breaks an event.  People come to feel connected and when the team feels like family, that energy translates throughout the party.   That’s part of the experience.   The customer service, the atmosphere…that’s what we are selling.   If you don’t have that, people are going to stop coming.  It’s a complete experience.   You can have the best music on the planet but if the atmosphere sucks, people won’t care. They can’t focus on the music because everything else is messed up.  Each piece is an essential.

Black Widow:  When did you decide you wanted to stretch into production?

Mickey Calvin:   Most DJs want to make their dance floor different so I started doing edits.  From there I started to try to create stuff on my own.  I started with remixes and would remix my own remix. 

Black Widow:  What would be some of the biggest lessons you’ve learned throughout your career?

Mickey Calvin:  I spend time worrying about craft. My focus is always on how I can be better next year.  Whether it’s marketing and promotion, DJing, my musical selections, I’m always focused on being better. I don’t like to spend a lot of time focusing on the past or the negative. I don’t like to look back.  I look at it like this, if I’m a conductor on a train, I’m not looking back to see where I’m going.  I’m looking forward to what’s coming ahead.

Black Widow: Onward and Upward…

Mickey Calvin: Yes…always.

Black Widow:   how did it feel to get the call to play the Chosen Few Festival and picnic?

Mickey Calvin:  WOW! It felt amazing. Wayne called me on a Friday.  He was so casual.  He said I’m just checking to see if you are busy July 6th.  I’m having an event, I want to you participate in. It was so funny because it hadn’t clicked yet. I remember saying well yeah, I think so.   I actually thought they selected DJs for the picnic already so I thought he was asking me to play a pre or post party.  When he said he wanted me to play the picnic, I got quiet at first. [Laughter] then I was like OMG! I’m available!

It was quite overwhelming, humbling. That was the best call I’ve received this year. It’s just so amazing. It means so much.  Playing the picnic feels like I’m accepted by my city, the birthplace of this genre, the mecca. It’s such an honor. We have so many talented DJs in Chicago so to be mentioned, looked at, selected or Chosen it’s an honor and a humbling experience.

It means what I’m doing matters to somebody, people noticed what I’ve been doing over the years. 

Black Widow:   Like a validation…

Mickey Calvin:  Yes, exactly

Black Widow:   So what are you looking forward to the most at the festival?

Mickey Calvin:   I can’t wait to play the first record because that’s the hardest part. That first record sets the tone. 

Black Widow:   Have you given thought of the direction you want to go?

Mickey Calvin:  I have some songs but it’s probably going to be more of freestyle because when you play events like this it’s really can change. When I see the people, when I feel that energy, I’ll know exactly what I want to do.  It’s about feeling the vibe when I get there. 

Black Widow:   Well I cannot wait to hear you play. You know I’ll be there from sunup to sundown…

Mickey Calvin:  RIGHT! You know how we do! We are Chosen Few Professionals! [Laughter]

Black Widow:  Indeed! [Laughter]  We will definitely celebrate after your set.  I’m excited for you!

Mickey Calvin:    Thank you so much! I’m excited too. It’s going to be great!!!

In addition to this year’s Chosen Few Festival, You can catch Mickey Calvin each and every Monday at the Family Den and on Friday nights at VIP Bar & Grill and on the following social media sites:

Instagram.com/djmickeycalvin

Twitter.com/djmickeycalvin

Mixcloud:  https://www.mixcloud.com/djmickeycalvin/

Facebook.com/djmickeycalvin

Djmickeycalvin.com

Until next time, See you at the Chosen Few Festival and Picnic July 6th!!!

-Black Widow

[seeyouafter]

SYA Extended Notes Ch. 43

Notes for "See You After" Chapter 43: Recent News Articles: July 11-31

Wow, it's been a hot minute since I've done an actual "extended notes" post as opposed to just an update announcement. The main reason is that life has been busy but also, I want the story to speak for itself when it comes to Shouto's relationships with Katsuki and with his family. I might post some thoughts after Part II ends but I did want to add some commentary on the news articles in this chapter.

Honestly, writing/editing these articles gave me flashbacks to 2020 in regards to the uncertainty of school closures, as well as the amplified urgency of various social issues.

I have a lot of seemingly random articles in my draft document that will be inserted in future chapters, but I chose to include these here because they fit with the theme of bridging the gap between regular citizens and hero society. (reminder: the title of Part II is "Rebuilding the bridges that were burned".)

Canon references and my commentary relating to the individual articles (a.k.a. me overanalyzing the societal problems of a fictional world) below the cut:

Article 1: Citizens petition for access to specialized quirk training

BNHA Ch. 1 - Midoriya Izuku: Origin

Beyond the narrative function of making the profession of "hero" more important, the laws preventing ordinary citizens from using their quirks don't make a lot of sense. Instead of being encouraged find ways to use their unique quirks to benefit society, people are required by law to suppress their quirks unless they become heroes.

Kids are likewise prohibited from using their quirks in schools, and while there are later references to the quirk counseling system, there was never anything that indicated that kids were taught how to use their quirk safely and effectively. If citizens are indeed inspired to step up and take action instead of leaving everything to the heroes, it would make sense that they would also fight for the right to be allowed to use their quirks.

Article 2: Opinion: Heteromorph discrimination is everyone's problem

BNHA Ch. 371 - Together with Shouji & 372 - Naked

The heteromorph plotline was a bit rushed in the manga, but I thought it was extremely important because of the obvious references to racial prejudices that exist in the real world.

Also, the "Heroes who look like villains" ranking is sometimes seen as funny because Endeavor is number one on that list, but I think the list itself is super problematic. Gang Orca is confirmed as Number 3, presumably just because of his looks, so I'd imagine that many of the others on that list are heroes with heteromorph quirks.

Article 3 - Medical: Quirk Awakenings Explained

BNHA: Ch. 394 - Urarako Ochako vs. Toga Himiko

Yeah, I am not even going to attempt to explain the science of quirk awakenings. 😂 However, I included this article here to show that it's something people are talking about. It's also a hint that people are wondering about the young heroes got quirk awakenings during the war and that there are rumors about them even if legitimate news sources are respecting their privacy at the moment.

Article 4: Ministry of Education announces delay in school reopenings

This article was longer than I originally planned but I decided not to cut it because it includes several key points:

The fact that school won't fully resume yet means that Shouto and his family will have time to deal with things before they need to go home. (more on that in Part III)

There is still a lot of fallout and destruction from the war that needs to be dealt with that would affect the logistics of re-opening schools.

Despite the sentiment that heroes shouldn't be placed on a stage and that citizens can and should step up and take action, there would certainly still be many people, like the parent quoted in the article, who think that heroes should deal with their problems.

Acknowledging that the kids (including all of the hero students) need proper support, and that the current quirk counseling system is flawed is the first step toward actual change (which is desperately needed).

In regards to the brief Fuyumi POV, I don't know how realistic it would be for her to be able to take an extended leave of absence, but she's already given up so much to take care of her family, so I decided to give her a supportive principal.

[justrandomthoughts18]

WINGS TOUR IN JAKARTA

"There is more than meets the camera" I don't know, when I started to hear this from V it changes my preferences in watching a concert. I just want to see it with my own eyes coz filming it will just take your attention with the beauty in front of you. So to be honest, when you are not a warrior PURPLE ticket i got is not suitable for you. When will the story start, here it is. I wanna thank all the Indonesian ARMYs that helped me even if they are really trying to talk to me in English. I appreciate them helping me with everything I asked and of course they helped me get a ticket for the concert. Even though it took me long to get it i still got the ticket and watched the concert. Why I watched it in INA coz I will not be around in WINGS TOUR in Manila and my friends are going to watch it so I will not let that happen 😂. MENT - The only english ment they had was their introduction then all their ments are in bahasa so i cannot understand. At that time I was moving around finding better spot to see the boys. I ended up being near in the extended stage. There are too many Armys that are passing out during the concert so it was so hard to see because your attention was focused in the guards bringing up the people who were passing out, hope they are okay already. The concert started with NOT TODAY i didnt know the line up I thought it will be BME but no. The beats are out and all the people in the area were jumping up and down. Then their solo stages came and my most awaited part of the whole concert. BEGIN was of course amazing when i watched it I feel like Jungkook is not a baby anymore, with superb steps and his feet is so fast. LIE my goodness Park Jimin is so sexy especially when he put that blindfold and took it off one of the best times of course when he hit that high note AMAZING. FIRST LOVE and haba ng VCR ni kuya mo, I super love the sincerity in his face when he raps so serious felt goosebumps all over. REFLECTION was a touching performance of RM the audience were chanting WE LOVE YOU and KIM NAMJOON I think RM was touched that he is saying something in the interlude but i cannot understand. STIGMA i cant explain the feeling hearing V singing this song he is soooo good especially when he hit the high note i was like all of BTS members are vocalist but seriously V can hit lowand high perfectly. AWAKE he was so magical when Jin said the like 'maybe I can never fly' the stage went up and down with an orchestra beside him it seriously felt magical that time. MAMA, jhope was so cute, handsome, talented, and super charming performing that song I wanna watcg it again. He is always winking in the camera and showing his charming side that made me scream I just cant keep up with hobii (I might change my bias, well im always a hobi biased during concerts) he really knows hope to woo the crowd. The boys san their unit songs CYPHER pt 4 (hype too but not like pt 3) and LOST the boys look so cute in red and thank you extended stage for that. Then SAVE ME happened the fanproject was successful the boys do see the banners and the take it to fans on the encore stage. The medley of their song before was happiness because the boys was just playing around with the fans and of courae that was the time they are in the extended stage so i tried my best just to get noticed. Im so happy all of the members went to our area and waved to us. Sadly cant video shoot it because I was bring so many things in my hands and I just waved at them diligently. Im so happy because I saw them again upclose the venue was small compared to MOA so i can clearly see them. They are too handsome for my sight, i missed them so much. Then the last song before encore they sang BST and Im WOW its diferent watching the perf live. Then encore Im so happy the whole encore they are on the extended stage so I can see them and JM always go to our side and my side was on the right. They sang the supplementary song ver so it was very fun the boys are just playing in the stage and that JinMin moment I saw they put their foreheads together like they will be kissing but nah! Of course those who are always on our side is TaeJin im happy I got a TaeJin moment this time I dont want to sya that Jin and V looked at me (HAHA) Jin gave flying kiss to everyone. He stares at them then he will give us flying kiss, it made me giddy. Taehyung was making fun of the fans who are crying and i found that funny. Jungkook that kissed that fan placard with a photo of him (so lucky) also he got those derp faces of Jin and Jimin making fun of both guys! Rapmon always waving at ourside and super handsome as always he also try to give flying kisses and winks to the fans. Suga who looked super cute doing kkaepjjang everywhere. Jhope who took the banner and the flower fanprojects make the fans scream because he noticed the project. Jimin the heart machine always throwing hearts everywhere any type of hearts he will do (I remembered my heart on show champ mnl). I just thanked the boys for never disappointing me in every concert they have. This may not be my best (no one can top Epilogue it has high touch) but it is still very amazing because i get to spend time with them again. Im happy they are more interacive now. I want to watch this again if given a chance. Until next time boys. Will be your forever WINGS. [Edit] I forgot to say about the ment where Jin pulled out something in his shirt and it is a paper/tissue I thought it his copy of the ment then after the paper formed a heart. So cheesy. And it is so funny that the boys are trying to speak in bahasa even though the prompter is in front of them. 😂😂

[insidemyinvisibilitycloak-blog]

SHAWN MENDES WORLD TOUR MANILA | MARCH 18, 2017

(PS: I wrote this the night when i got home after Shawn’s concert. English kasi tnype ko sa notes ng iphone ng nanay ko predict ng predict kairita kaya inenglish ko na hahaha pero inedit ko pa bago ko ipost sa ayun haha)

We arrived at the venue around 2:00pm thanks to pat and his Kuya hehe anyway we changed out clothes inside moa and then we totes forgot to withdraw. My sister was so agitated about it bc they were slowly letting us in

When we got inside we waited for about 1-1/2 hrs I guess and there's this man that shawns representative was talking to and was asking if there are any gifts for Shawn. I figured I wouldn't have the chance to do so I gave mine (Gryffindor notebook/journal and I wrote something on it!! TOO BAD I DIDNT TAKE A PICTURE) but then I forgot that there's a sign there that I wrote so I ran to the security and got the sign (thank God bc that sign is so important in the next scenes lol) anyway

So we lined up in a hallway and there's a sign with meet and greet in the nearest door. I was so excited but it didn't really sink in until we were so close and then we realize that everything went by so fast... then my turn came and I couldn't feel anything (manhid as in!!) even my stomach fingers lips idk tas ayun.. anyway the security was friendly and asked me if I was ready I said yeah and he said r u nervous and that's when I felt the numbing feeling then he let me in and said 'say hi to Shawn' Shawn said hi then I said 'omygosh hi Shawn' then I gave him a hug I swear omygosh I love it I hugged him tight, I can still remember that part well. I wrapped him in a hug!!! I can still remember the first time I saw his face, he was looking right at me too T.T then we proceeded to a normal pic (he put his arms on my shoulder i cant remember well but i just smiled and i think my hand was in his stomach but i cant remember feeling his abs lol) and then they motioned me to the exit. Well I manage to turn around and say “hope you'll enjoy the show later” and I can't really remmber if he replied or anything and I'm not sure but I think I was holding his hand that time then I turned to go. I was in shock and still a little numb when I went out and I was so disappointed at first bc I was expecting to have a conversation with him which didn't happen. My sis and I went on to get our signed posters and lanyard. Then we went out of where the m&g happened and I could hear convos where they said it was too fast for them too. My sister went to the ATM machine upstairs cause she was still fussing about merch then she went on to and buy them and I waited for her. Soon enough sound check started.

He first sang the weight which was one of my fave songs. There was someone who shouted 'pukingina mo' we all laughed and Shawn laughed too bc he didn't know what that meant hahaha. He kindaaa looked at me that time and I remembered the sign I wrote, which says 'can I have a guitar pick' idk which song he first noticed it but I'm not sure he'll give it to me and then there's this one Indian girl who's pushing and trying to come in between me and my sis so I fought back (pushed her with my arms) and she was the one who got mad. The indian girl kept on ranting “wtf r u doing?” I said “IM WITH MY SISTER” She said, “Then go with your fucking sister” then i can still hear her “I hate ppl who push blabla” anyway my sister said we should switch places bc she was nearer so Shawn would see my sign and then during stitches he looked straight at me and at the sign then I even gave him a flying kiss while singing along with stitches and I'm so happy coz he was smiling, while singing and while looking at me. When he finished sound check he went down and gave his pick to someone(Idk who that was). Then he took the other pick he used that was on the floor already (I think thats the first pick he used coz it was at the floor of the stage and he puts his picks on his lap if he’s no using it) and motioned to give it to our part so I extended my hand. There were people trying to get it but he made sure I'll get it so basically I touched his hand again and he LITERALLY GAVE ME his pick. (PS: DONT U EVER FORGET WHAT THAT LOOKED LIKE ANA, DONT U PLEASE) Idk what I said after that if I said thank u or I love you idk. Anw so my sis and I hugged and jumped up and down and I was so happy. By the way I shouted a lot of 'I love you Shawn' whenever the room was quiet. Pretty sure he heard it.

The show came and it was surreal and it was a sweet and a gentle show. I hope he enjoyed the crowd like how I enjoyed seeing and hearing him play. It was really fast and I didn't know it was about to finish already too lol hahaha then I can see his smile and everything and I knew he was at least happy. The first part with something big and the weight he was looking at our part too well I don't want to assume but he was looking at me hahaha. Anyway I sang a lot but I could've sang more I guess hahaha (cause my faves are from handrwritten) just a bit sad that he sang more illuminate than handwritten but I'm still so thankful!! Shawn is one of the best! OMG OMG his face lights up when he sings and I hope he enjoyed the crowd cause we were all singing!! And Im pretty sure he was happy bc of it too haha then there was one time after a song, not sure if it was Mercy.. He looked at someone from the band and he put his tongue out saying like “I messed up” cause his voice cracked on one of the higher notes but i dont care he’s adorbs and great!! Hope he'll tweet smething bout Manila. I'm still hoping he'll get my gift but anyway stitches and never be alone are my new anthem (not really new but theyre my totes pcd anthem) damn anyway I thought I heard him say mahal ko kayo but not sure then he headed straight to his hotel immediately.

BTW WE’RE STILL WAITING FOR THEM TO POST OUR PICS OMYGOSH

I cant believe i actually met him and had a moment with just the two of us, i got to hug him... then he really gave me his pick. TO ME!!! TO ME OMG THEN HE SANG STITCHES TO ME DAMN SHAWN U MY MAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH COME BACK REAL SOON MISS NA KITA AGAD GEGU TAPOS ANG TAGAL NUN TALAGA AS IN MAGKATITIGAN KAMI HABANG NAKANGITI SYA POGI NYA BES

PPS: Greedy ako sa pics kaya konti lang ippost ko kasi baka may kumuha lol bye

MOA ARENA CONCERT GROUNDS - MARCH 18, 2017

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SYA Extended Notes Ch. 33

Notes for "See You After" Chapter 33: July 13-16: Katsuki's Text Thread with Todoroki

“We’re all a little fucked up after everything. You don’t gotta pretend you’re okay.”

This is very much a comfort chapter for me, one that I kept returning to when I needed a break from some of the more emotional sections.

The "Calm" app is a real app and it was a surprising source of inspiration when I working on this section of the fic. I mostly use the app for the soundscapes, but for a while I was enjoying these daily quote things, until they started giving me the same quote every day and I got annoyed and disabled that feature.

All of the inspirational quotes I used in this chapter were actual quotes the app gave me and I just made my own images of everything in Canva. I kept a running list of ones I thought were insightful, or if thinking about how the characters would react to them made me laugh. (Like the "Maybe it's time" one that Katsuki got.)

There's also an Antarctica sleep story like the one Shouto was listening to. The introduction for the story mentions something about penguins but I kept falling asleep before it finished, so I don't know how prominent a role they actually play. 😅

Also, it made me think about the MHA x Tobu Zoo collab, where Shouto is feeding a penguin 😊🐧

Fun fact: I did an internet search for “Japan zoo penguin” and most of the articles were from 2022 when one of the aquariums switched to cheaper fish and the penguins were not having it (x), or about Grape-kun, the penguin at Tobu Zoo who loved staring at an anime cutout (x).

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SYA Extended Notes Ch. 32

Notes for "See You After" Chapter 32: Katsuki's PT session, Letter to Todoroki

This chapter was another case of “I thought it would be a quick edit but then I added in a whole other section and it took extra long because I was having too many feelings”.

Originally, Katsuki's PT session in this chapter was just going to be alluded to through his phone log, texts, and the letter to Shouto (which used to be longer). But when I was editing some things further along in the fic, I realized that I wanted to explore this moment in more depth to show where Katsuki is at with the recovery process and to balance the POVs a bit more since there are a lot of Shouto-centric chapters in this arc.

I had a general idea of what happened in the session already, but when I actually decided to write the scene out in its entirety, a lot of additional details that I hadn't planned for made their way into the scene, such as Aizawa being there.

It’s not obvious in the final version of the scene, but in my head, Aizawa was there to see Shirakumo, though given his conversation with Katsuki, another interpretation could be that he was there to check on his own progress with his quirk. I cut the section that hinted at the Shirakumo headcanon more specifically because it didn’t have anything to do with the main purpose of the scene, especially since this was Katsuki’s POV.

Don't ask me what Shirakumo's status is in the universe of this fic; I'm not really planning to explore that 😅 But if he were to survive, some hospital would have to be responsible for a lot of extensive testing/rehabilitation, and Central Hospital, where he was being kept before, had extensive damage so he would have to be moved somewhere else.

I just really love Aizawa's backstory in Vigilantes and can't get over the scene in Ch. 380 when Kurogiri/Shirakumo saves Aizawa & Present Mic. I just want them to have a hopeful ending too, okay?

Also...the omamori!! I knew I wanted to include one with Katsuki's letter as soon as I had the idea for the Tanabata festival chapter and I was so excited when I found the image for this one online because it's exactly what I wanted: an omamori specifically for happiness (because of Katsuki's wish that he wrote on his tanzaku in ch. 30) with a Shouto-cat image.

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SYA Extended Notes Ch. 30

Notes for "See You After" Chapter 30: July 5-7: Class 1-A Group Chat, Katsuki's Text thread with Todoroki

This was a fun chapter, but it also had some important moments.

As you'll see with a lot of the group chats, I like being able to see the kids just be silly kids sometimes. Mina creating ridiculous polls and Katsuki leaving the chat to prove a point has sort of become a running gag in my mind.

The "typing..." moments, especially in Katsuki and Shouto's conversations, have become a handy way to convey things left unsaid, either to convey a bit of extra insight into the POV character's thoughts, or to indicate that nerve-wracking feeling when the person you're texting is typing for a long time but never sends anything. (It's also sometimes fun to infer what they might have been typing)

Something I wasn't expecting to address, but that happened pretty early on in the drafts was the bit about Aoyama and Katsuki's reaction in the group chat.

I wish canon had spent more time exploring the reactions the rest Class 1-A had during the traitor reveal arc. While I think their desire to reach out to Aoyama and their belief that he was still worthy of being a hero was important, I feel like there would be a lot for them to unpack after the dust settled.

In particular, I think Katsuki probably had a lot of mixed feelings about the whole situation.

-Manga Chapters 337, 338

There's the whole connection with Aoyama being quirkless, which ties into the way Katsuki bullied Izuku their entire lives and the guilt he feels for that. Then there's the fact that willing or not, Aoyama's actions directly led to Katsuki's kidnapping.

Forgiveness is such a huge theme with Katsuki's arc and while the past isn't something that can be erased, I think all of these kids are trying, in their own way to move forward.

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SYA Extended Notes Ch. 29

Notes for "See You After" Chapter 29: July 4: Shouto - Fujitani Hospital Discharge Summary

There are quite a few things I've alluded to in this chapter, in regards to Shouto's issues with his quirk and his mental health. I decided to leave things a little vague for a few reasons:

Just as there is a link between physical health and mental health, I think there would probably be a strong link between quirks and mental health, especially for people like Shouto whose quirk is a big part of their identity. However, there isn't a straightforward answer as to how these things are linked and they're still trying to figure things out.

Therapists have different views on whether a diagnosis is important for treatment. In this case, I feel like there were more pressing things for them to focus on with Shouto's situation, and while his therapist obviously has reason to suspect certain things, I think she doesn't want to put an official label on it yet, especially since Shouto probably isn't ready to hear it at this point.

The main reason I didn't give him a concrete diagnosis is that I don't feel comfortable doing that since I'm not a mental health professional. I will end up portraying certain things in more detail as the story progresses (hence the tags on the fic), but I'd rather have that speak for itself instead of having it seem like a checklist of relevant traits associated with a specific diagnosis.

Also, I am not familiar with how the mental health system works in Japan and am basing most things on personal experience and research from English-speaking sources (mostly American).

(wow, that was an unnecessarily long explanation)

As I mentioned in the notes for Ch. 16 (Katsuki's discharge summary) I spent a bit too much time coming up with names for the doctors. Details on name etymology and their specialties below.

As usual, the names are given in the Japanese order (family name, then given name)

Tomone Naho, Psy.D., M.D. - Psychologist, Quirk Medicine 知念 (Tomone): 知 = knowledge, understanding, wisdom; 念 = wish, feeling, thought 和歩 (Naho): 知 = harmony, peace, Japan; 歩 = walk PsyD = Doctor of Psychology (she also has a general medical degree, hence the MD, which I headcanon is some kind of quirk-medicine specialty)

Shouto's therapist at Fujitani Hospital. Nothing too significant about her name, other than wanting to include the kanji for feelings/thoughts (念) and peace (知) since it seemed appropriate for a therapist, so I just tried to find names that used those kanji that sounded good together. Naho is also the name of the main character in "Orange" (the manga that was referenced in the letters in Chapters 6 & 7), although it's written with different kanji.

Kitayama Kazuhiro, Psy.D., M.F.C.C. - Psychologist 北山 (Kitayama): 北 = north, 山 = mountain 和浩 (Kazuhiro): 和 = harmony, peace, Japan, 浩 = wide expanse, abundance M.F.C.C. (Marriage, Family, and Child Counselor)

This was the family counselor they were referred to in Furano. Again, I went with a name that used the kanji for harmony/peace (和). I didn't have much in mind for his last name but figured that they'll be in the north (北) and mountains are steadfast and reliable, which are probably good qualities for a counselor to have.

Shizume Yuko, Psy.D., M.D. - Psychologist / Quirk Psychology Specialist 静目 (Shizume): 静 = quiet, stillness, peacefulness; 目 = eye, insight, care 優心 (Yuko): 優 gentle, soothing; 心 = heart, mind, spirit her quirk allows her to calm someone down if she looks them in the eye

Her name was the most interesting for me. The reason is pretty self-explanatory if you look at the meanings of the kanji, and I went through a similar selection process as the others. But because of the inclusion of the kanji for eye (目), I decided that she has some kind of calming quirk that activates with eye contact, which would probably be useful in her profession.