#swinging my morningstar in front of me as i walk. “’watch out bitch!!! watch out bitch!!!!!’

[thepaleelf]

i want to beat things with a morningstar so bad

[bobasheebaby]

91 Lucifer prompts

Some of my favorite quotes from my favorite devil. (Cut at 15 cause it’s long.)

Lucifer Morningstar

1 “People don’t arrive broken. They start with passion and yearning until something comes along that disabuses them of those notions.”

2 “People don’t have power over us. We give it to them.” 

3 “The best thing to do is always to follow your greatest desire.”

4 “Sometimes we are what we are, and we should embrace that.”

5 “Desire shouldn’t be contained, it’s unnatural.” 

6 “Why do humans think they can rectify one evil with another?”

7 “Life’s too short to hold grudges.”

8 “Believe me, there is no winning when you play by a twisted tyrant’s rules.” 

9 “You shouldn’t have to change for anyone. And neither should I.” 

10 “I refuse to be a scapegoat for which something I bear no responsibility. It’s a theme in my life.”

11 “Trust me, I’ve been doing this a long time. I know evil.”

12 “If you desire something, just take it.”

13 “Trust me, if there’s one thing I know, it’s desire.”

14 “What I hate more than anything is a liar, a charlatan, someone who doesn’t believe in what they say.”

15 “Hell truly hath no fury like a man/woman scorned.”

16 “No one gives us the right… we take it.”

17 “Mmm, dangerous. NAME likes.”

18 “There was immediate danger. He/she was about to leave this man/woman completely unsatisfied.”

19 “When in doubt, go with the classics. That’s what I always say.”

20 “Guilt is such a useless emotion”

21 “Take a swing and I’ll shove that so far up your ass, you’ll have splinters in your stool.”

22 “What makes us vulnerable is often right under our noses.”

23 “Now tell me, what is it that you truly desire?”

24 “Well, maybe it’s like butt stuff. Easier the second time around.”

25 “It’s always the ones you least suspect, the ones you trust the most, that hurt you. They wait until your guard is down and then wham! In my case, it was tequila.”

Chloe Decker

26 “It’s better to move forward than stay stuck in the past.” 

27 “We can’t control what happens to us only how it affects us and the choices we make.”

28 “You have to stop taking responsibility for things that you can’t control.” 

29 “Sometimes we get along best with the people we’re most different from.”

30 “Pull yourself together. You look like a homeless magician!”

31 “It’s really not a good day for… your… NAMEness”

32 “You don’t save a marriage by sleeping with other people.”

33 “If you go looking for loopholes, you’ll always find them.”

34 “NAME’s not another guy/gal. He’s/She’s a weirdo.”

35 “As any parent knows, the best time to get things done is when everyone else is asleep.”

36 “I wasn't afraid of you.”

37 “I don't want you to see me like this. I know it scares you.” “No, that's... that's what I was trying to tell you. I'm not... I'm not afraid of you anymore.” “You're not?” “You see, this is what I'm talking about. It's so sweet. I'm going to puke.”

38 “I miss him/her. I mean, he/she pisses me off all the time. And there are so many things about him/her that ... that I find hard to accept, but I just have to believe I can find a way. Because ... I'd rather have him/her in my life than not.” “Well, then... I think you know what you need to do.”

39 “You're different than me. You're stronger. You could have run, but you didn't. Why didn't you?”

40 “It's not like you haven't always told me the truth. You know? So ... I think, deep down, I just ... I always knew.”

41 “Let's pretend for one second that you're someone else. Someone nice, someone mature.” “Ooh, I love role-play.”

42 “What, you're just gonna leave me here? In this part of town?” “You said you wanted danger.”

43 “Please tell me I'm hallucinating.” “Well, I am dreamy, but try to contain yourself.”

44 “You step out of line one time …” “You can give me a right-good spanking, I promise.”

45 “This cannot be true. Can it? I mean ... if you knew this, why wouldn't you say something? I mean, I almost married him/her. I mean, I almost married him/her.” “I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen.”

46 “Oh, my God. Did the world just turn upside down? Did you just admit to being wrong?”

47 “You know, it can be scary sometimes, but ... being who you really are is never a bad idea.”

48 “I need you to stay here and watch your dad/mom.” “That's true. Without the two of us, he’s/she's defenseless.” “I don't know if I like what you're whispering about.”

49 “How long have I been out?” “Three years.” “What?!” [NAME starts laughing] “You’re such an ass.”

50 “I couldn't sleep last night, so I stayed up all night working, and, you know, I drank a lot of caffeine. Like, a lot.”

Mazikeen Smith

51 “If you go by someone else’s pace, it shows how much you really care.”

52 “Sometimes you have to accept when someone doesn’t feel the same way about you.” 

53 “Self-worth comes from within, bitches.” 

54 “I would never ask you to change. I like who you are.” 

55 “Hey! No one calls my skank a skank.” 

56 “Good. It's settled. Now, where do I put my knives.”

57 “Okay. One, I like to fight when I'm happy or ... horny. And, two, I really don't want to accidentally kill my best friend.”

58 “Maybe next time, I won't be around to save your ass.” “Mm! Well, that is a shame. 'Cause you and my backside used to get on very well. My front side, as well, actually.”

59 “And your name?” “NAME.” “How do you spell that?” “Surprise me.” [Later gets coffee with "WRONG NAME" on it]

60 “Everything that happened showed me exactly why I need to go back.” “I don't understand.”

Linda Martin

61 “Emotions are hard, but that’s why they make you strong.” 

62 “Goodness isn’t a toy.”

63 “Sometimes we need to lose something to understand its value.”

64 “Sometimes it’s easier to make intimate issues about something bigger than yourself.” 

65 “I find people who are rude usually feel powerless in their own lives. Terrified of not being in control.”

66 “Look... I know I'm not dad/mom, or partner or whatever. But I ...” “No. No, you're not. Come here. You are Uncle/Auntie NAME. And you will always ... be a member of this family.”

67 “Let's talk about what you're dealing with emotionally.” “Yeah, I really don't want to.”

68 “Why is he:she able to refuse my charms? I mean, is this thing on?” [points at him/herself] “Yes, yes. Definitely on.”

69 “How's that saying go? We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars.”

70 “Should've seen that one coming.”

Amenadiel

71 “We need the most love when we’re being most unlovable.” 

72 “No matter how bad things get, the true test is how we choose to respond to the pain. We suffer, or inflict.”

73 “Cosmos are yummy.”

74 “If you really want to know if you’re a worthy romantic partner, ask yourself.”

75 “NAME. What are you doing here? Did you hurt NAME?” “Only when he/she asked me nicely.”

Ella Lopez

76 “Whenever I’m procrastinating on something, I make an appointment for myself to do it. That way, can’t back out.”

77 “You see what I'm dealing with?”

78 “Hey. No one insults my family, except for me.”

79 [high on "candy"] “I know I should be freaking out right now, but your hair is so shiny.”

80 I'm usually not into reality shows either. I prefer more, you know, scripted-content, documentaries, but... I've got a little extra time these days, so... sort of kind of watched, uh, 27 seasons in two weeks.

Dan Espinoza 

81 “We all need someone to have our backs every now and then.”

82 “Ooh, lemon bars. My favorite. Mmm. Oh, man, these are amazing. Who made 'em?” “Uh, NAME did. Would you believe that hunk bakes?” [spits out the bars] “On second thought, who needs the empty calories?”

83 “Say you fall in love with a man/woman who has a cat. What are you gonna do? You accept the cat.” 

84 “Are you sleeping with this idiot?” “He/She hasn't had the pleasure, unfortunately, no.”

85 “Dude, I cannot deal with your weirdness right now.”

Trixie Espinoza

86 “We’re wearing the same shirt!” [both] “Sushi shirt!” [from around the corner] “I don’t know what’s going on out there, but I hate it!”

87 “I ate it.” “Mm-hmm.” “But NAME said it was okay.” “Oh, really?” “He/She said, if you really want to do something, you should. And I really wanted to eat some chocolate cake.”

88 “Are you looking at a no-no site?” “No. Why would you think that?” “Because you put it away so fast, and you look really, really guilty.”

89 “NAME, sever their Achilles first. If they can't walk ...” “They can't betray you.”

90 “You need to get a thicker skin. Stand up for yourself, because the truth is, nobody’s gonna do it for you.” — Charlotte Richards

91 “Anybody worth dating should understand everything that makes you … you.” — Ev

[the-writer-ofthe-fandoms]

He Got the Moves (Lucifer Morningstar)

Pairing: Lucifer Morningstar Words: 710+ Warning(s): A/N: MERRY CHRISTMAS I CANT BELIEVE I GOT THIS DONE AT 11:06 PM ON CHRISTMAS EVE

               A smile blossomed on your face when you saw your long time boyfriend, Lucifer Morningstar, come down the stairs, coffee in one hand and a bagged bagel in the other. You push away your paper work and close your laptop as he set the coffee and bagel in front of you.

               "Good morning my love. I know how you are without your coffee.“ He placed a kiss to your forehead. Lucifer stole Dan’s empty chair and sat at your desk. You smile at him before taking a sip of the warm Peppermint Mocha.

               "You’re an angel, you know that?” You playfully smirk while he rolled his eyes.

               "So very funny, (Y/N)." You stick your tongue out before taking another sip of the coffee.  

               "When there is no topper for a Christmas tree, do you fill in as the angel?”

               "Drink your coffee and eat your bagel.“ He chuckled. You and him chatted while you ate and drank, sharing your coffee and food with him. You were happy you had no pushing paperwork to work on, you didn’t get to spend much time at work with Lucifer as much as a person may think. He is usually out on the field while you stayed back to work on whatever.

               "Hey guys!” Chloe greeted as she walked over, a pretty smile on her face.

“Hello Decker.” Luci replied for the both of you, since you took a bite of the bagel. “What brings you to our neck of the woods?”

“Well it’s Christmas Eve and I was wondering if you both would like to come over to my place for a small party. It’ll just be you two, Dan, Maze, Trixie and I. The theme is ugly Christmas sweaters.”  

“Sounds fun! We’ll gladly go.” You grin while wiping your lips of crumbs.

“Good! See you around 5’oclock!” She waved and went to her desk. You drink your coffee while Lucifer stood up.  

“I think Chloe needs me!” He pecked your lips. “I’ll talk to you as soon as I can.” You watched your Angel of a boyfriend jog off to where Chloe and Ella stood. You sigh through your nose and pull your paper work and lift your laptop screen back up.  

"Back to another boring day at work." You mumble to yourself.

--

You and Lucifer arrived at Chloe's place right at 5 o'clock. You and him were wearing matching, 'ugly' Christmas sweaters, well more like you forced Luci's hand to wear it. They were black with green trimmings, with an alien Santa Clause and a moon with the words "Believe". Lucifer knocked and the door and pulled at his sweater.

"Hey guys!" Chloe opened the door with a surprised face. "Wow, nice sweaters guys."

"Nice sweater to you too, Chloe." You giggled at her over the top, pompom tree sweater.

"Lucifer! (Y/N)!" Trixie yelled as she ran to the door, wearing the same sweater Chloe was. The little girl hugged Luci's waist first before she wrapped her arms tightly around yours. "C'mon, Nightmare Before Christmas just started!" She dragged you inside and to the couch where the beginning of the movie was already playing.

"Hey (Y/N)! Lucifer." Dan greeted, carrying a tray of cookies.  

"What a fitting sweater, detective douche." Lucifer smirked at his Grinch sweater.

"Ha-ha. Sit and eat a cookie."

"This sweater is itchy!" You heard Maze growl from behind you. You look and see her sweater was red with the words 'Get festive bitches' in white font. "Let's get this show on the road."

--

It was later in the night and now everyone laughing and dancing to Christmas music. You and Lucifer held hands, swinging your arms from left to right to "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree". You were ecstatic to see Lucifer really enjoy himself. You laughed when he suddenly twirled you and dipped you low to the ground.

"Wow the Devil's got moves." You giggle.

"You should already know that, my dear." He smirked and cocked his head. He leaned in and kissed your lips, before pulling you right back up.  

"Oh I know alright-"

"Okay! Enough you two." Dan said while rolling his eyes.

"Don't be a buzzkill, Dan the Douche." Lucifer shot back before kissing you again, as Jingle Bells played in the background.

[timefordragons]

The thief trembles a bit at the sight of you, very clearly curled in on himself. He grimaces as he mulls over your question, then says, “My village was destroyed by a pack of Lizardfolk near here. I ran before I saw the entirety of the disaster, but there’s nothing but wreckage there now. And I’m...I’m not very good at fighting, and no one really wants to help someone who looks so grotesque. So I don’t have much choice.”

“Yeah, you are kinda weird to look at,” I say bluntly, not really thinking before I speak. Then I grin wide at him, and point a thumb to myself. “Hell, I know the struggle. I’m pretty messed up looking myself. And you know what? You’re wrong.”

Leaning in probably a little too close, I continue eagerly, “Almost no one wants to help you. But I do! So we can whip you into fighting shape, or try to find someone and convince them to help give you a fresh start. Your choice.”

He takes a few steps back from you and looks almost like he’s pouting. “I can fight! ...Well enough. And I’d love to reclaim my village and chase all the Lizardfolk from it. You’d help me do that, right? I’m sure, if we were successful, I could find some kind of reward in the remains of my village.”

“Yeah, I can help you do that,” I say, holding my staff tightly in my hands. Really, I’m anticipating the chance to practice my magic. “Just lead the way and you’ll have your village back in no time!”

He’ll lead you through the forest in a winding, convoluted path. You two walk for most of the day and, at this point, you’re not sure if you’re going back toward the way you came or a different direction entirely. Eventually, he stops you just before another clearing and points forward.

You see what definitely used to be a village for someone, but now it seems mostly destroyed and ransacked. It’s entirely overrun with Lizardfolk, who look much stronger and feistier than your travel companion.

I think for a moment, trying to come up with the best plan to take back the village. After a moment, I turn to the thief and say, “Alright, taking these guys head on might not be a great idea. How about we sneak through and try to see if they have a leader? Then we can try to convince him to leave the village alone. Or kill him. You know, whatever it’s gotta come to.”

He’ll tell you that the Lizardfolk live in tribes that don’t really have leaders, they’re more communal and all equal to each other. And he’ll also tell you that they defend their territories to their last breath, and that this is why he and his village weren’t able to run them out in the first place.

I also want you to make a perception check.

For the perception check, I got an 8 (+0 bonus), for a total of 8.

In the middle of the village, you can see a big cage with someone clearly inside it. There are about four Lizardmen around that cage, clearly trying to guard or protect the cage. All the others seem to just be ambling about just going about their day. You can’t see inside any of the broken houses, but you have seen at least ten walking around, including the four around the cage.

I’d like to do a stealth check to see if I can get closer to the cage without alerting anyone. I got an 18 (+4 bonus) for a total of 22.

You and your companion are able to sneak up to the house nearest to the cage, but the Lizardmen are basically flanking all corners of the cage, so it’d be impossible to get right up next to it. But from this vantage point, your companion begins to get very excited and very quietly tells you that the creature in the cage, which you can see is similar to that of your friend, is his older sister, whom he presumed to be dead after the attack.

I nod to let the thief know I heard him, then grin wildly and whisper, “Watch this.”

In the hope of distracting the guards and getting them to leave their posts, I use Prestidigitation to create a shower of bright sparks a little ways away from the cage.

All four of the Lizardmen see the sparks, and three of them go over to check them, leaving one Lizardman still at the cage. He seems like he’s onto your trick and looks around to see if he can spot the source of the sparks instead. But you’re so well hidden that his head keeps whipping around, unable to find the source of the spell.

With a pout, I huff and give the remaining Lizardman a glare, even though he can’t see me. Still, since there’s only one left, I use Disguise Self to appear like one of the other guards and approach him. Then I point in a random direction and say, “I think I saw an intruder that way.”

I’ll do a deception check, which I got a 19 (+1 bonus), for a total of 20.

So since Lizardmen only speak Draconic and has no idea what you’re saying, he’s going to immediately catch onto your ruse and point his weapon at you.

Time to roll initiative!

Haha, well son of a bitch. For the initiative roll, I got a 15 (+2 bonus), for a total of 17.

The Lizardman is going to act first and, since you’re the only target he can see, he’s going to swing his morningstar at you. But he’s just so confused by the whole situation that his weapon just whiffs right over your head. He’ll hiss something at you in the Draconic language that you don’t understand and his turn will end.

Your companion, seeing that you’re in danger, will draw his sword and attempt to fight with you. He’ll get between you and the Lizardman and take a swing with his longsword. You can clearly tell that he’s inexperienced with his weapon as he totally misses the Lizardman and his sword instead hits dirt.

I step back and use Ray of Frost on the Lizardman. For my attack roll, I got a 9 (+2 bonus), for a total of 11.

Your spell blasts at the Lizardman, as well as your companion, but both of them seem to shake off the cold easily, doing no damage.

Two of the Lizardmen are still distracted by the sparks that you cast off to the side and take no notice of the fight as they swing against the sparks, which obviously take no damage. One of the, however, notices the scuffle happening and lumbers over. Since your companion is closer, he’s going to take a swing at him, smacking him across the face with the morningstar.

The first Lizardman that stayed at the cage the whole time saw the spell you were trying to cast against him and walks over to try and take another swing at you. He misses you again, swinging right over your head once again.

Your companion is going to try and fight the Lizardman that hit him, but after that hit, his sword seems to weigh even heavier in his hands. He barely lifts it before fumbling forward and totally missing.

Frustrated, I snarl at the first Lizardman and step back, then try once again to use Ray of Frost on him. I got a 16 (+ 2 bonus), for a total of 18. For damage (1D8), I rolled a 3.

You hit that Lizardman and he turns an icy blue and seems to slow down quite a bit.

After the two remaining distracted Lizardmen realize that hitting the sparks does nothing and that those sparks aren’t hurting them either, they’re going to turn their attention to the sounds of battle. One of them is going to stay at ranged distance and try to throw a javelin at you, but he didn’t account for your short height and his javelin flies right over your head, sticking in the ground behind you.

The other previously-distracted Lizardman lumbers over to your companion to assist in beating on him. He goes straight in and tries to bite him, but your companion fearfully throws his sword between himself and the creature, blocking its jaws before they can sink into his flesh.

While he’s distracted, another Lizardman is going to take another swipe with his morningstar at your companion, but completely flings his morningstar out of his hand and it lands on the ground some ways off.

The Lizardman that got blasted with the Ray of Frost is going to try and swing at you again, but the ice slows him down so much that he can’t seem to hit at you, swiping through air.

With the fear of battle coursing through his veins, your companion finally manages to pull his sword from the jaws of one of the Lizardmen and swipe at him, connecting with flesh. In one fell swoop, he easily bloodies the Lizardman, making the creature reel back and clutch at the side where the new wound is.

Now seeing that the thief and I are pretty outnumbered, even with two of the Lizardman not having their weapons at the moment, I decide to use my spell Magic Missile. I want two of my darts to go after the Lizardman I’ve been attacking, and one of them to try and hit the Lizardman that has the sword wound. I rolled an 11 (+2 bonus), for a total of 13.

That’s not going to be quite enough to hit the Lizardmen.

Another javelin is going to come flying through the air toward you, hitting you for 7 damage.

The Lizardman that tried to bite your companion is going to try that again, and is actually able to get his teeth on him, just barely. With his morningstar now on the ground, the bloodied Lizardman is going to follow the other and attempt to bite your companion, sinking his teeth into your companion’s flesh. Your companion is now looking bloodied as well.

Seeing that the pair of you are getting quite beaten up, the thief’s sister, from inside the cage is going to try and cast a spell to help you. She attempts to cast Hold Person on the Lizardman in front of you, which he isn’t able to resist, and he is now entirely paralyzed in front of you and can’t move.

I cast Ray of Frost on the paralyzed Lizardman. I got an 18 (+2 bonus), for a total of 20.

The Lizardman is down to his last legs, appearing to slump even under the control of the Hold Person spell. He lets out a cry, which grabs the attention of the other three Lizardmen. All of their attention is turned to the female in the cage, except for the Lizardman who is still trapped by Hold Person.

Your companion takes a swing at the still very bloodied Lizardman and completely slices him in two. He seems surprised by his own strength and ability as he looks between his sword and the crumpled, dead Lizardman on the ground.

The other woman in the cage calls for you to help her get out of the cage so that she can assist you in your escape.

I’d like to do a perception check to see if I can find a key of some sort. I got a 7 (+0 bonus) for a total of 7.

You think that if there were a key, that it would be attached to one of the Lizardmen that were guarding the cage, but in the chaos of them attempting to clamor at the cage, you can’t quite tell which one.

Your companion is going to take another swing at another Lizardman, but misses, sword clanging against the metal bars of the cage.

Alright, I’ll just use Ray of Frost again on the still-paralyzed Lizardman, in the hopes of finishing him off. I got a 16 (+2 bonus) for a total of 18.

You bathe him in frost and he completely goes limp. The woman’s spell fades around him and he collapses to the ground. The remaining two Lizardmen see that you and your companion have killed two of theirs and attempt to make a retreat, giving your companion the chance to take a hit at both of them. Unfortunately, he misses both, and the two Lizardmen go running.

The woman in the cage tells you that they’ll surely return with reinforcements and that there are at least 20 Lizardmen in this town, now 18 since you killed two of them. Your companion desperately attempts to slice the lock off of the cage with his sword, but merely causes the cage to rattle and his sword to reverberate his entire body with a loud clang.

It’s safe to assume that you don’t have a lot of time before more Lizardmen start to show up.

Panicked and bleeding, I thoroughly look over the bodies of the dead Lizardmen for the key to the cage, hands shaking from the pain resonating from my wound.

You fortunately find that the one your companion cut in half with his sword has a ring of keys on him. The thief flanks you, watching to make sure Lizardmen aren’t coming, and urges you to hurry and free his sister from the cage. After going through a few keys, you finally hear the release of the lock and the door swings open. The woman steps from the cage and thanks you quickly, before telling you that it’s in your best interest to run and that she’ll follow if you do, but she will also stand with you if you decide to fight whatever comes.

Well, all things considered, I’d rather not die quite yet, so I decide to make a break for it and escape the village as quickly as I can, hoping to find a safe spot just outside it that I can take a breather in.