#swag. BUT it would be SO COOL if they could because while writing the paper i figured out that Ours Poetica would make for the most banger

[bluusome]

if i had a nickel for every time Ours Poetica inspired an English final of mine i would have two nickels. which isn’t a lot but um. well.

[captain-pheonix]

Hi this is a silly question but I really like your stuff and I think you're cool and really swag writer so I was wondering if you could do one with the TF2 mercs (and maybe miss Pauling, whatever you want) with a reader who boxes? Can be romantic or platonic, and the gender can be whatever you find easier to write. Ok, thank you ❤️😭

Mercs + Pauling (romantic and/or platonic) x gn!reader who likes boxes 📦 (HCs)

A/n: AHHHH TY ANON ILY 🫶 This isn’t weird at all, seriously, I am a certified creature and you have 100% come to the right person. I collect Apple product boxes and if I’m being honest if I lived by myself I’d just collect boxes regularly. Im making this gn!reader that can be read as platonic or romantic! Hope you enjoy!!

BIG EDIT: HOLY SHIT ANON IM SO SORRY I CANT READ YOU MEANT A READER THAT BOXES NOT A READER THAT LIKES BOXES IM GONNA CRY 😭😭😭😭 IM GONNA MAKE ANOTHER POST FOR A READER THAT BOXES IM SO SORRY

Warnings: none (boxes jumpscare, graphic depictions of cardboard)

Pauling

• Girlie is like “huh” but doesn’t really care because all the other mercs are equally if not more insane (and we all know the admin is, too)

• When she finds out, she finds it kinda funny, gives her a tiny break from being a workaholic 25/8

• “What do you find so fascinating about them?” Ms. Pauling says, genuinely curious. You explain that they’re just nice, they itch your brain the right way, and just like how a child sees one of those huge appliance boxes. “Oh, yeah, that makes sense, actually. Interesting. Never would have thought about that.”

• ✨the box hoard TM✨ is probably just in a corner or a closet somewhere

• She’ll probably ask if she can have any because they’d be really nice for sorting paper work

• Up to you, but maybe you give her a few you don’t like as much

Sniper

• bro is confuzzled

• thinks you’re crazy

• exits the room

• (no)

• like Pauling, he’s a bit confused, but after explaining how it’s like that feeling you get as a kid seeing a package arrive in a huge box, he understands it a bit more

• probably a little weirded out by your ✨box hoard✨ anyway

• calls you a cat 😞

• I feel like he’d be the kind who might get annoyed at the box board being around, thinking it takes up space and it needs to be tidied

• might get something to help you organize the boxes

Scout

• finds it absolutely positively hilarious cannot stop laughing

• “What? You like boxes?”

• Shoves you in boxes because it’s funny 😔

• after explaining the whole “it just sorta itches my brain like when a kid sees an empty box something was in” thing, he’s like “oh my gosh, that totally makes sense, actually!”

• 10/10 would just chill in one your boxes even if it’s a little small

• weird but wholesome headcannons that you two would fall asleep/cuddle in your boxes together

• honestly though after a while I feel like he’d join your box hobby

• he might ask for the boxes after someone gets a delivery or orders something just for you

• drawing on the boxes!!!

Medic

• Blud is like “ok cool”

• prob gives you boxes leftover from shipments of medical supplies like plastic bits (I wouldn’t take the ones from his shipments of animal organs 😬)

• those boxes might smell like the med lab 😔

• but I mean if you enjoy his scent or something then it’s probably a nice reminder

• when you talk about how a kid would react when a giant box shows up in the mail and how it never went away he gets it

Pyro

• you know for a fact bro is playing with them

• completely understands right off the bat you do not have to explain anything

Spy

• boxtrot taunt

Demo

• too drunk to give a shite

• you may or may not find some bottles in the boxes

Engie

• May have some boxes kicking around to give you

• kinda doesn’t get it but when you explain he’s just like “ok then guess ur just quirky like that”

Soldier

• I’m gonna follow Electrro64rus and say this man is crazy about boxes

• very excited when he finds out you like collecting boxes

• don’t have to explain why you collect boxes, dude is just excited to also participate

Heavy

• utter confusion

• even when you explain it still utter confusion

[copperbadge]

You know, thinking about it, I imagine the Leverage crew are pretty philanthropic. Parker might have had to be introduced to the concept (”You just give them money and they go away with it? How does that work?”) but probably once she got her head around it she’d be into it. 

What gets me is how god damned frustrating it would be to work somewhere that one of the Leverage crew supports. Nate would be okay, he’d just make small monthly gifts to ten million different organizations so that nobody thinks he’s worth very much (he doesn’t own his home and he gives such small amounts monthly that Development writes him off as an earnest but low-capacity donor who should get a thank-you card around the holidays). It’s probably a bigger inconvenience to him because he’s on every nonprofit mailing list known to man. He has so many address labels, guys. (I don’t want to be Nate but I am Nate. I have so many address labels.)

Sophie I imagine has an extravagant alias for every charity she supports; she gives outrageous amounts and in return demands only attention and adulation, tickets to all the galas, and to be in at least one photo in every annual report. We have a donor like this -- she’s genuinely invested in our work, gives generously of her time and money, is never rude or demanding, but if she’s in the room all eyes must be on her at all times. I actually really like her but constant exposure could get...tiring. 

Eliot just sends enormous, anonymous checks once a year through a shell company or DAF, which while not unusual would be irritating in that they can’t ever reach out to thank him and/or steward him into a larger gift appealing to his interests. They can’t even send him dumb swag! He deserves a charity-branded bottle opener and keychain flashlight! (He has stolen all of Nate’s, but they don’t know that.) Still, they’ve probably got a fun nickname for him; I have a few people in my research files who are simply named after characters from Greek mythology because that’s all the data I have or am allowed to store. 

For a long time Hardison just dumped money into the bank accounts of his charities of choice, seamlessly, invisibly -- it just APPEARED in the account, and he was cool with that until he checked back after a few years and found none of his money was being used because they couldn’t figure out where it was coming from and were worried it was a clerical error despite the bank assuring them otherwise. Now he still dumps money into the accounts but he entertains himself building an elaborate digital paper trail so that the accounting all works. Have you ever watched a Gift Processing office try to balance a nonprofit’s books? Sometimes they cry! Don’t be mean to them, Hardison. 

Parker, bless her heart, just leaves bags of money on the doorsteps of random employees with notes directing how, in general terms, it should be spent. If she’s particularly pleased with the climbability of their home, she leaves a donut for them, too. Generally if she mentions she’s done this to the crew, Eliot calls up the charity to assure them that the large bag of cash was a legitimate donation and is not some kind of money-laundering scam. (That was ONE TIME Eliot, and the IRS didn’t even NOTICE.) This happened to me once. A tiny old lady in a Cubs jacket showed up to our office with a backpack full of money and it was a very intense morning. 

Anyway, what I’m saying is that every year, across the span of roughly two weeks, Hardison’s Nana’s church gets their regular $25 check from that nice Mr. Ford, a visit from the very devout but slightly weird Madam Sofia who wants a private choir recital, an enormous check from a bank in the Bahamas with no name attached, a large direct deposit from a heretofore-undiscovered bond the church invested in a decade ago, and a large bag of cash with a dozen donuts on it and a note reading THANK YOU FOR THE NEW ROOF IT WAS VERY SLIPPERY AND FUN. PLEASE BUY STUFFED ANIMALS FOR CHILDREN WHO NEED STUFFED ANIMALS. 

[coffeeastronaut]

top 5 video game levels :)

OHOHOH…. OHOHOHOHOOHOH. im doing this twice bc i wanna talk abt MY favorites and also like mechanically the best ones.

personally:

1. the golden cat from dishonored 1. i just like it so much. Emily :) and it’s so pretty!!! I could probably write a paper about the art inside the golden cat let alone the like actual design of it

2. lady boyles last party from dishonored 1. need i say more. the color the pizzaz the funny aristocrats the guy you can harass till he calls the guards and when they come you can say (drunkly) im an agent of the outsider and then they leave you alone. i used to listen to the ambient sounds of this while i worked i can hear those muffled fireworks in my dreams

3. the opening ray fight in metal gear rising revengence! the fuckin, the PIZZAZZ! the METAL! the SLASHING! its SO much fun. you run up a CLOCKTOWER and EXPLODE and SLICE and DICE. SWAG!!!

4. speaking of platinum games. the final jean/bayonetta fight bayonetta 1! i am so godawful at bayonetta but even with that it is SO mych fun and it brings together so many skills and feels good to play (even when loosing!) in a way that the other jean fights dont- you’re finally on even footing, rather then the backfoot. also, lesbian win.

5. Yakuza 0 final boss rush 💛 the bosses are rewarding and wicked fun. Fuck the kiryu boat though those guns are total bullshit.

Mechanically:

1. I can’t not say the clockwork mansion from dishonored 2 here. Did you know that the entire mansion could actually work irl? Like it’s not just bits clipping through each other- it all has a place to go. The only exception is one room at the very front of the mansion, where the ceiling pulls apart to reveal a higher, cooler ceiling. The dev team decided it would be okay to have 1 swaggy ass moment at the expense of possibility (the bars that make up the ceiling just kind of shoot out the side of the mansion, LOL). there’s so much to go into here both technologically and mechanically- the npc pathing, the clockwork soldiers, the hiding in the walls like a rat, the ghost run being so VERY fast because jindosh’s greatest strength (his big fucked up mansion) is also hos greatest weakness (i am inside your walls and you cant do anything about it HA! bitch.) also tho i hate fighting clockworks its so scary and i am such a baby. on high chaos its a blast tho bc you have so much more power- on low i am so scared. i suspect they will be the end of me several times on my groundhog day run

2. A crack in the slab from (bet you wont guess) dishonored 2. the time travel mechanic is SO fun to play with! my only qualm is that it comes at a time when you’re really laying into your powers, only to loose them here. that’s why this isnt higher. But i live that you can solve jindosh’s lock, i live that it’s different ever time, i love the gang politics of overseers vs hatters, i love granny rag’s hand, i could go on and on and on. Do you have any idea how insane i went the first time i knocked over a rickety balcony in the past and climbed its rubble in the present? cuz it was very.

3. Little nightmares’ janitor library sneak round. My heart is in my throat every time I play, it’s done so very well. Little nightmares gets a lot of shoutouts on this front- encounters are timed excellently to keep me on my toes every time, without feeling overwhelmed or so perfectly timed that it’s a fifty fifty on wether i’ll actually make it. (looking at you, little nightmares 2)

4. Framed. The whole thing. Framed is a puzzle game that involves the player shuffling around ‘frames’ in a comic, to change the course of the story. Specifically the very end of framed 1 is just wonderful- the swing back around to the beginning of the game and watching it all come together is so, UGH, its so cool.

5. Portal 2 wheatley fight. The fucking moon, man

honorary mentions:

the final boss in plunge! It’s hard as hell, but so insanely rewarding. It really pulls all the previous mechanics together nicely, and i cheer every time i beat it. You will play plunge now.

Playdead’s inside’s chicken shooting in the farmhouse! The game is dark, but for me this was the first moment where it really starts to click- the last chick that wasn’t moving. And then you go straight into the factory and it all really kicks off.. phenomenal tone.

undertale papyrus date 💛

Deathloop’s fristad rock morning (hi franky baby im here to kill you again) and updaam night (lets fucking PARTY! get in the meat grinder.)

I thought it would be cheating to include anything from mgs 1-3 but likeyou know. Psycho mantis, sniper wolf (second), vulcan raven (second), liquid fist fight, rex fight, like, you know? And thats just mgs1. we cannot go into mgs2 ill be typing for thirty minutes and we wont even be done with the tanker mission.

[ladyvesuvia]

will u let me pass and give me a 🍸 from someone in obx HAHAHAHAHHAHA U KNOW ABOUT ME NAMAN

bitch next time specify i’m not psychic 😡🍅

jk gotchu baefy BUT JUST YOU >:(( imma give u jj maybank because i’m that nice

godbless your carrd 🙄

HOW THE TWO OF YOU MET

being a tourist is…fun. you were visiting the outer banks to write something that’ll get you high scores for your school paper and hopefully better recognition for writing something different and interesting. when you heard a distant family of yours had a house in figure eight, you decided it would be best if you stayed there for a while so you did.

you grabbed a lollipop from the counter before stepping out to take one of the boats from the docks out for a ride and you had troubles with it so imagine your luck when one of the ‘veterans’ approached you JEHDHEIWIWKW

he was all “need help, big shot?” and you were just 😐 “why do you have a toothpick on your mouth?”

“swag purposes, what about you?”

“what do you mean whAt aBouT mE?”

“you’ve got a toothpick, too.”

“….this is a lollipop. but yes i hate that i’m asking you this but i could use a helping hand.”

AHAHAJAHA AND HE JUST…HANDS HIS HAND OVER LIKE ✋🏻 ofc you were hella confused and asked him what the heck was he doing and he just extends his arm closer to you and tells you, “this helping hand needs to be shaked first before being activated.”

“it’s shook.” you just shake his hand anyway because you wanted to get it over with but you find yourself chilling by the railings while he drove and showed you around. AND YALL JUST CLICKED YK and he began explaining the kook-pogue system and shit and he loved watching you take down notes about it like hehe cute researcher girl <333

——

HEADCANONS ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP

— BOTH OF YOU JUST ALWAYS RANDOMLY LAUGH FOR NO REASON AT ALL LIKE????

— and he’d always just happen to be carrying a lollipop and he’d just give them to you and just…this man loves spending time with u sm yall just pack bonded <3

— HE KEPT TALKING ABOUT YOU TO THE REST OF THE POGUES OMFG IDK HE’S JUST RANTING LIKE “SHE’S SO COOL AND SHE HAS THIS PEN AND NOBODY LOOKS THAT GOOD WITH A PEN YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN???”

— so when you finally had to leave, man was hella distraught asfu but you were like “write to me and make sure you proofread it. i don’t wanna read about you gushing over me and misspelling everything and uh keep it legible” AHAHAHAHAHHAA made his day tho

— when you got back home you were just surprised to see that he had added you on socmeds and yall just began talking again and it was nice looking forward to talking to him all the time

— i also think it would be cute if you had to move to obx for real and you surprised him by convincing him you’re a ghost 😭 HAHSHAHAHAHA HE BUYS IT THO

— the lollipop thing just continued and he always wore your hair ties on his wrist <3333

[karmasuna]

OMGGGGGG I LOVE THAT ENGLISH SPEAKER HEADCANON U DID!! could u maybe do that for kiri and denki too pls 🥺

sure thing! i really enjoyed writing this, thank you for the ask honey (◕‿◕)♡

Kirishima Eijirou

○ Kirishima would sometimes notice that you were struggling to find words in Japanese to express yourself when you were talking to them since you didn’t want to use English around them in order to improve your Japanese skills

○ and he would take note of things that you weren’t too sure of how to say, and subtly drop them into conversations to help you learn without needing you to feel bad about asking anyone else for help

○ but to be honest, as much as he admires the effort that you put into learning their language, he absolutely loves it when you speak in English

○ when you’re called on in English class he gets a rare treat of hearing you speak, and there’s always that calm confidence in your voice that was simply enchanting to him

○ occasionally he comes by your room and asks you for English help, wanting to hear more of the way English words just slipped out of your mouth so smoothly as you explained the grammar that your teacher had gone through that day in class to him patiently 

○ sometimes he can’t help but lose focus while listening to your soft voice go on and on, and he gets really embarrassed when you catch him drifting off because he worries that you might think he doesn’t care about his schoolwork and that’s not manly at all

○ he helps you out with your other subjects as well, trying his best to translate words that you didn’t really understand from your textbooks and homework

○ so you two eventually follow a routine where you have study sessions and do your homework together, helping each other with subjects you weren’t as confident in

○ one time he’s flipping through your notebook while you were in the bathroom looking for your English notes when a piece of paper falls out

○ he picks it up, and he scans the lines written on it with your distinctive handwriting, and he’s surprised when he sees his name along the lines

○ and he makes a mental note to ask you about it when you come back, slipping the paper back into the notebook and continuing to flip through and look for the notes he needed

○ “Hey Y/N, what does chivalrous mean?” the redhead asks curiously when you come back

○ “Well,” you muse, “it means someone is really manly in a way, I guess.”

○ “Oh? Does this mean you think I’m manly?”

○ “H-how’d you know? Don’t tell me you read-” you gasp, blushing in embarrassment at the thought of him reading your poem about him, “that’s so embarrassing.”

○ “Aww, don’t worry about it. I think it’s adorable.”

 Kaminari 

○ you would probably start talking to him more because he always tries to be hip and cool around you

○ even though you tell everyone that they can just talk to you as they would any other person in Japanese, the blonde insists on throwing in a couple of English slang words every other sentence to show off his “exceptional” English skills

○ and it never fails to make you laugh, especially since most of his “hip” words were pretty outdated and more often than not he used them in the wrong context

○ “C’mon Y/N, don’t you think my new glasses are hella swag?” he says, showing off his clout goggles to you as you laugh at him

○ “No one says that anymore, Kaminari, but yes, your glasses are very cool.”

○ since you’re the one who exposed his outdated slang in the first place, now you’ve got to restore his dignity

○ and so he’s always around you, bugging you to teach him all the “dopest” slang words to make him cool again

○ it always makes you cringe when he tries to sound cool, but nonetheless you still occasionally teach him a few slang words to help him out whenever he seemed down

○ you would never tell him, but you liked seeing the way his eyes would like up in excitement whenever you reluctantly taught him another word

○ it would never fail to make him perk up again, but you’d have to endure him using the word in every other sentence to try and impress you for at least a full week

○ “Y/N, you’re such a hottie. Come to my crib tonight, and we can have a fun time together,” he winks at you, making you laugh at his lame attempt to woo you

○ “God, you’re so lame, Sparky. I’m expecting candy and lots of cuddles tonight, mmkay?”

[scottielambchop]

Tite Five Vol. 1

Here's the deal: Unemployment really sucks.

But it's important to keep "flexing my writing muscle." So, I decided to take the blog format I had with my old company and take it here. Which is rad because I can now write all the f-swears I want. But even better, I can rename this stupid fucking thing. So without further ado, I present to you my Tite Five.

Arby’s Subscription Box

Well, the more things change, the more they stay the same. I may not be writing blogs for an ad agency anymore, but that doesn't fuckin' mean I won't talk about fast food.

For those who don’t know me (and now that I’m writing on my own blog, I don’t know why the fuck you wouldn’t), I have sort of backed myself into a corner with Arby's. It all started innocently enough. I wrote a Facebook post asking if anyone wanted to go on a romantic date to Arby’s. Seemed like a funny-enough thing to say. But then I doubled down and asked the same question again a few weeks later. Then again. And again. Soon enough, I became the “Arby’s guy.” Which, to be honest, isn’t the worst thing to be known for. Especially since Arby’s is pretty good and their Pizza Slider is one of the most underrated QSR food items on the market.

Alright, now that I got that little nugget of useless bullshit out of the way, let’s get to this subscription box. For the past couple of years, Arby’s has been fucking killing it in the advertising game. Their hilarious Ving Rhames-voiced copy spots and subsequent transition to more visual stuff with H. Jon Benjamin, their delightfully nerdy paper-craft social posts, and now, their subscription box. That’s right, you fuckin’ heard (or read) me correctly, Arby’s now has a subscription box.

In early January, Arby’s tweeted out they would be sending a subscription box called Arby's of the Month. All you had to do was sign up for $25, and you would get six mystery boxes of seasonal gear from everyone’s favorite roast beef provider. Now, I’m sure you’re wondering, “Who the hell would want that?” Well, let me tell you, a lot of people the hell would want that. It sold out in less than an hour.

Minneapolis' Fallon (my dream agency) has done amazing work with Arby's. They've taken your grandparents’ favorite fast food joint and turned it into something for everyone. By simply getting weird with everything they do, the younger generations have latched on. Honestly, who the fuck would think about sending a subscription box full of roast beef swag, and how the fuck did it work so well? The answer is Fallon.

P.S. If anyone from Fallon is reading this, my portfolio is scottielantgen.com. Hire me, please.

Re-Watching South Park

One of the most beautiful things about unemployment in the digital age is the ability to hunt for jobs across the country while sitting on your couch and streaming a seemingly endless supply of shows. And that’s exactly what the fuck I’ve been doing with South Park.

Now before I begin, I just need to say that, yes, the show’s liberal use of the “f-word,” “r-word,” and countless racial stereotypes DO NOT hold up well to today’s standards. And honestly, I’m not going to defend it. It’s not my place.

Problematic dialogue aside, what I love about rewatching South Park from almost the very beginning (just skip the first three seasons. You're not missing much) is how it’s a perfect current event/pop culture time capsule. I seriously forgot about Elián González, Terri Schiavo, how the popularity of Paris Hilton made everyone fucking terrible for a while, and just the Passion of the Christ in general. But thanks to South Park, those headlines came rushing back in vivid detail.

South Park still holds up as some of the best satire ever created. It’s quick, funny, and often offensive. And I’m pretty sure that’s what Trey Parker and Matt Stone wanted it to be.

Also, Butters and Randy Marsh are two of my favorite fictional characters.

Skittles Commercial: The Broadway Musical

The “Big Game” (who has the money, amirite?) is tomorrow, and it’s like a goddamn advertising cotillion. It’s the day where the entire country gathers around a TV to eat a variety of sauced meats, drink one of three different beers, and watch the newest batch of commercials from some of the biggest brands in the country. I am told there’s also a football game.

This is the day companies spend millions of dollars for 30 seconds of air time. It’s absurd. But it’s the most viewed event of the entire year, so companies feel the need to get their air time. Except for Skittles. They've been doing something a little different.

Last year, Skittles was fed up with the high price of “Big Game” ad placement, and decided to ditch that mess and do their own thing. So, they did what any other rational company who wanted to advertise to millions of viewers would do. They made an ad for just one person (Check it out. It rules). This little stunt got them billions of media impressions, which, in a lot of ways, is just as good as paid placement.

Where does Skittles go after the major success of last year’s stunt? Broadway of course. During halftime, Skittles will present a one-time performance of Skittles Commercial: The Broadway Musical. Lead by Six Feet Under’s own Michael C. Hall (fuck Dexter), this 30-minute musical is slated to be very meta. Their website states, “Through song and dance, the show takes an absurdly self-reflective look at consumerism and the ever-increasing pervasiveness of brand advertising in our lives.”

It’s fucking brilliant, and I can’t wait to hear how it turns out.

Companies Taking a Stand

Other than writing as many “fucks” and “shits” as I want, one of the coolest things about writing this blog untied from any agency has to be freely expressing whatever dumb-fucking-shit opinion I have. Don’t get me wrong, my old company gave me a lot of freedom, but I always felt it best to stray away from any “controversial” or “political” opinions. Now I’m off the leash and ready to spread my leftist propaganda like a mother fucking virus!

There is a great divide in our country. I know it’s always been there, but it seems way worse ever since the 2016 campaign trail. Regardless, with this growing separation between liberals and conservatives/left and right/cool dudes and white people, companies are also taking sides. And I think it’s a really fucking smart idea.

As you’ve probably seen (and possibly burnt your own shoes about), Nike was one of the first major companies to take a stand for what they believed in. Hiring “controversial” athlete, Colin Kaepernick, to be the face of their newest campaign was a really bold move, but it paid off big time.

Yes, they faced a backlash. Fox News was all up their ass about “DiSrEsPeCtInG tHe FlAg,” and Twitter users shared a litany of videos of people destroying the products they already bought and paid for. But overall, the campaign was killer and showed that the company was willing to put themselves at risk for equality and doing what is right—though I’m sure they’re heartbroken your shitty uncle won’t buy their socks ever again.

Gillette was the next big company to pick a side. They took a stance on the truly controversial topic of “not being a shitty dude.” I really don’t know where the backlash for this came from, but apparently, men don’t like being told that it’s wrong to catcall and sexually assault women. For a bunch of “manly-men,” they’re really crying like little babies over a minute-long video. The ad is still pretty new, but it already seems to be resonating well with younger male audiences, but not so much with boomers. Weird, right?

And lastly, Patagonia just announced that they will donate all 10 million dollars they saved on tax cuts to environmental groups. I don’t know how people will find a way to be upset by this, but I don’t doubt for a single second that someone will. The world is a nightmare.

Listen, I know there are always going to counter-arguments.

“Oh, they’re just exploiting a current issue to make money.”

“Oh, you may think they’re doing the right thing, but their internal business model is totally fucked.”

“Oh, not all men.”

“Oh, that money could have gone to hard workers and not a stupid tree or whatever.”

It really doesn’t matter. This is advertising. They are spreading a message. You may not need a razor at this moment, but that spot can also serve as a reminder to be a better man. You may prefer a different brand of athletic wear, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to see how much a person has sacrificed to support a cause. You may not be a white Instagrammer, but now you know that some companies are doing honorable things. These companies aren't just selling products, they’re also selling ideals.

Gratitude

As I’ve alluded to throughout this post, I recently lost my job. I wanted to make light of it a little, but I also just wanted to get some things off my chest. The truth of the matter is this: I am forever grateful for the opportunity I was given and the people I befriended along the way. I was able to work with and learn from some of the most talented people I have ever met. I took a huge risk moving to a smaller, one-agency town to take this job—and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I am forever thankful for this time in my life.

One of my biggest New Year’s resolutions was to express more gratitude. As I said before, the country is divided. I can’t seem to hop on any social media channel without seeing some kind of bullshit-fueled fight going on. Everyone seems to be focusing on the negative and no one really cares about the positive (I fully understand the irony of this sentence). But this could change by expressing more gratitude for the people in your life and amazing opportunities.

Listen, I could be really pissed about the current state of the world. And honestly, I am. But I’m trying to express more positivity. Everyone else can complain about our turd of a president 24 hours a day. Why not tell the important people in your life why you’re thankful to have them? It’s a really fucking simple thing to do—and it could possibly start a chain reaction.

Listen, I’m not going to tell you to not focus on the bad parts of your job or whatever because that shit is so much more easily said than done. And it also goes on a job-by-job basis (I couldn’t really think of a positive in working in corporate finance or some soul-sucking shit like that). But I will say this, I’m thankful I was able to work a job where I could see a bright side. I learned a lot and I’m looking forward to the next steps in my career.

I know it seems tough to remain positive in such dark times. But, fuck, this is your life. You’ve only got one of em. Don’t spend it worrying or complaining all the time. Find the positive and try and improve upon that… or don’t. It’s your fuckin’ life. Do whatever you want.

Well, guys, that’s it for my very first Tite Five (but also not, ya know?). I hope this was as enthralling as Chris made it out to be. I love you all. I’ll probably see you next week with another post of sorts. Take care and don’t drink and drive after the “Big Game.”

[cksmart-world]

The completely unnecessary news analysis

by Christopher Smart

June 16, 2002

OMG BYU NAMED FOR RACIST LEADER

What if someone said it's time to change the name of Brigham Young University. Eee-gads, duck and cover — and hide your Temple Recommend. Tasi Young, a one-time Mormon missionary, is calling on the big wigs in the Tower of Power to dump the name of their flagship university. In The Salt Lake Tribune, Tasi Young writes: “Brigham Young single handedly created and ingrained teachings of racial violence, segregation and white moral authority that enabled a social norm that not only oppressed black lives, but taught his followers that white supremacy was a mandate from God.” Holy smokes! Tasi Young went on an LDS mission and attended BYU. In high school LDS seminary he was taught that his parents’ interracial marriage was a disappointment to God and his black friends’ skin was a curse for their pre-mortal actions. “I felt [Brigham] Young’s teachings when I stood shirtless, hands in the air, under a police spotlight, on the side of a Utah highway, being unlawfully searched as my children looked on from our minivan.” Historically, blacks were banned from church ceremonies and could not hold the priesthood until June 8, 1978 when LDS prophet Spencer W. Kimball through “divine revelation” (and a little nudging from the Civil Rights movement) lifted the prohibitions. But don't hold your breath waiting for another revelation — Brigham Young casts a long shadow across Deseret. And what would they do with all those BYU T-shirts  and, bumper stickers and other swag?

COVID, SHMOVID

So now that the pandemic is over, what are people going to do with all that toilet paper? They could put it on Craig's List or KSL classifieds — after all, a garage full of toilet paper is a fire hazard. One thing that continues to stump our social scientists here at Smart Bomb is why people always horde toilet paper, no matter the emergency. Oh my god, there's a potential for flash-flooding — quick take the pickup to the supermarket and load up with TP. Here at Smart Bomb, we have avoided the toilet paper shortage altogether by installing bidets in our toilets. After you have used a bidet, you will understand that toilet paper is quite primitive. It's only about a half-step in technology above what Neanderthals came up with 75,000 years ago using leaves. But we digress. Americans are sick and tired of Covid 19 and so they aren't using masks anymore  — and just forget social distancing. All this while in many states, including Utah, cases continue to rise. But screw it, life has to go back to normal sometime and if that means old people have to die, well that's just the way it is. They don't do much for the economy anyway and they probably weren't going to vote for Trump this time around either. So, sorry, but we're not sorry.

POLL — ROMNEY SUCKS, DONALD'S DiVINE

Shocker! Polling of Utah Republicans reveals Mitt Romney is Beelzebub and Saint Donald is a gift from the Celestial Kingdom. According to a recent Salt Lake Tribune poll, 45 percent of Utah GOPers polled “strongly approve” (read-salivate) of Trump and another 23 percent “somewhat approve” (read-dig the dude). Our analysis here at Smart Bomb reveals that they believe Trump stands for Utah values: womanizing, lying and cheating and did we say, lying? The analysis by our political team shows they highly regard Trump's leadership as seen in the coronavirus pandemic and the aftermath of the George Floyd killing by police. In both cases the president has excelled in misrepresenting facts, blaming others, and boasting about anything and everything. By stark contrast, the polling results were not so good for Utah's junior senator. Only 19 percent “strongly approved” of Romney and an additional 24 percent “somewhat approved.” But more telling is that, according to the poll, 33 percent of Utah Republicans polled “strongly disapprove” (read-despise) Romney, while another 16 percent “somewhat disapprove” (read-he sucks). Smart Bomb's analysis reveals that Utah Republicans have disdain for Romney because the SOB keeps telling the truth. And in Republican politics, that just isn't cool.

Post script — Well buckaroos and buckarooettes that does it for another edition of Smart Bomb, where we keep track of Covid 19 deaths so you don't have to — 120,000. We are now well into the summer of our discontent — strange times where black men are killed regularly by police and white people actually care. It seems that empathy, the best of human traits, is on the rise. But like most things that matter, it is boiling up from the bottom, rather than trickling down from the top. In the 1960s and '70s, people used to say that real politics take place in the street. Maybe they were right. The protests that began with the cruel execution of George Floyd have awakened the slumbering American people. While they were sleeping, the U.S. became number 1 in the world for imprisoning people with 2.3 million. About 40 percent of them are black, although African Americans make up only 14 percent of the population. Our default mode is more cops and more jails. This is, in the end, a puritanical and punitive society. While we were sleeping, black people made little advancement. And though they live in a different universe, white workers, likewise, gained no ground. Even college grads are sucking it. They leave school with tremendous debt, continue to live with parents and see a bleak future. We're just guessing here, but it seems like keeping a democracy requires more than voting for politicians every two years. After all, those lawmakers know that money are people, too.

OK, Wilson, on that happy note can you and the band offer up a little something to bolster whatever it is we're looking for:

Don't you know They're talkin' bout a revolution It sounds like a whisper Don't you know They're talkin' bout a revolution It sounds like a whisper

While they're standing in the welfare lines Crying at the doorsteps of those armies of salvation Wasting time in the unemployment lines Sitting around waiting for a promotion

Don't you know They're talkin' bout a revolution It sounds like a whisper

Poor people gonna rise up And get their share Poor people gonna rise up And take what's theirs...

(Talkin Bout A Revolution — Tracy Chapman)

[todokori-kun]

TYSM <3

Oh, no, he’s not that bad. He just gets horny when fighting someone who’s actually strong enough to beat him up (even if said someone is a 12 year old boy) and makes such…interesting…sounds while doing so that you’d have a hard time explaining to your parents that no, you’re not watching anything explicit (at least not in that way), honestly doesn’t care whether you live or die if you aren’t entertaining, might murder you just for the lulz if he’s bored, is best friends with a cold blooded assassin with a lot of issues, would kill a child if the child was powerful enough to put up a fight, has a TYPE when it comes to his murderous creepy crushes (Machi: the cold, focused lady with incredible talent who hates him, Chrollo: the extremely powerful thief with unique abilities who doesn’t particularly care for him as far as I know, (possibly)Illumi: the talented assassin who tolerates him as long as he doesn’t lay a finger on Illumi’s beloved little brother Killua (and if Hisoka ever dares to joke about killing Killua then, well, too bad for him)…yeah, Hisoka really has a type)…

yep, he’s really not THAT bad, people are just too hard on him, don’t you think? Poor guy.

You’re welcome :) I still have the crying Saiko pic tho. I might send it to you someday (lol jk jk I messed up her lips on that pic and I am too ashamed to ever show it to anyone. I might still redraw it and send it though because what else could you expect from the Dwarf in the Flask?)

Ah, that’s true. No nose + No mouth + ‘Squad leader is disappointed' look = Urie’s default face…

Watercolors really are so pretty. I love how you can make them look delicate even when using super bold, bright colors. They’re also perfect for painting angsty stuff.

TYSM, Queen Luna is so nice *hugs*

I guess I’m careful on the internet partly because it really IS dangerous, and partly because I just feel uncomfortable doing anything I know my parents wouldn’t approve of without talking it through with them? Idk, see, I can lie to people I don’t like/don’t know very well and not feel guilty about it as long as I have a good reason to, but when I care about someone I’ll feel terrible about hiding something from them even if it’s honestly not a big deal ^^;;

Luckily though I asked my parents and they don’t have a problem with Steam as long as I’m sure the games I play on there are PG-13 :) so I’ll be trying CP when I have the time! Tysm for the help and the rec <3

OH really? Wow! And yeah, Ascension glitches sometimes for me too…but usually if I try again after a while it works again. The ending is pretty awesome, so I do recommend that you try again sometime ^^

(Ishida is trolling auto-correct as well)

I’m going to college soon and I hope Ishida’s tweet won’t be summing that up too LOL (jk, jk)

I WILL FIND A WAY TO ESCAPE. I WILL CREATE THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS AND DESTROY THIS WORLD AS REVENGE, JUST YOU WAIT

Oh sure, I don’t think I’d have trouble getting along with Riza! I meant Roy taking you to meet Riza and you taking Roy to meet me XD

Imagine Evans and Riza teaming up on the Roy/Luna couple though. 

Riza: “Are you going out on a date? Colonel, please button up your shirt.”

Roy: Riza u trying to ruin my swag  “but-”

Riza: “No buts, it looks much too sloppy.”

Evans: “Luna, I found your phone. Take it with you, ok? Call me if something happens and don’t stay out too late, you need your sleep-”

Luna: “You do realize I’m older than you?”

Evans: “…”

Luna: “…nothing, of course I’ll take my phone!”

Evans: ^^

Riza: *sigh* Kids these days.

Evans: Yeah…

Scar and Evans are both in denial so they’ll keep going round and round in circles until Queen Luna decides to be her awesome self and fix it all up.

(‘Great, because I’m not! Have fun’ seriously you are QUEEN)

I’m sure the queen is absolutely gorgeous <3

I’m sorta like that too- with most people physical contact is a huge NO I hate it, but with people I’m REALLY close with (my mom, my little sister) I love to cuddle. Idk, I’m weird lol

I ship it too. Ugh why do I ship everything except the canon ships

I’m gonna forget it later if I don’t write it now:  I’ve watched Zankyou no Terror and I’m pretty sure you’d like it! It’s about terrorists and has plenty of suffering and ridiculous english. Right down your alley XD

…wow. Just. I have no idea what to say other than ‘this is why I always wear headphones when watching anime’. I mean. Nope, I’ll be quiet.  The pic’s still really good, tho!

Yeah, poor guy, I wonder why people give him shit. It’s a mystery.

Aw, I wanted to see it… well, if you’re not comfortable sharing it, then it’s no problem ^^ If you ever do redraw it though…. I actually want to get my feels destroyed for once. 

I literally clicked on a random chapter. He has his nose and lips tho. Speaking of Urie, oh god the new chapter. I cry.

One time in elementary school, we did this thing with watercolours that I really loved, even though my art turned out like shit: You draw a tree trunk with brown colours normally, then take pink colours (or whichever you want), dip in a toothbrush or normal brush and try to like… spray the paper? Splatter the paint? I honestly don’t know how to describe it in english XD  But it looks pretty cool when done ^^

Well, as long as you don’t give out personal info and go to weird sites that could give viruses, it’s not that bad. You can never be carful enough, tho, so it’s nice that you’re cautious ^^ And it’s nice that you tell your parents. Mine don’t even know I have a tumblr XD I don’t think they care, though. Mostly because they trust me not to do stupid shit on the internet.

Oh, sweet! I’m pretty sure that CP is pg-13, There’s no cussing as far as I remember and no gore either ^^  Just a bucketful of angst. Tell me when you start playing! And which route you choose as your first one :D My recommendation is either Karma or Rod. Well, Fritz and Waltz are locked until you’ve done 2 routes, but Rumpel (the 3rd unlocked character) has quite a few spoilers in his route, so I’d recommend doing him 3rd.

It’s been at least a year since I’ve played Ascension. It still glitches RIP. It seems the game hates me XD

Ishida is the troll king. We need to make him a crown or something.

I’LL JUST FILL THE FLASK UP WITH EVEN MORE CONTENT YOU LIKE!!! I’LL BRIBE YOU WITH A NEVER ENDING SUPPLY OF FANWORKS AND ANGSTY BOOKS! 

I think I’d get along with Riza just fine XD We’d sigh over Roy and paperwork together :P What do you think you’d be like if you’d meet Mustang?

Riza always ruins his fun XD I think there was that theatre video in which she’s like ‘don’t forget to brush your teeth and floss, sleep at least 8 hours a day’ etc. She’s really his mom (and yet I ship them like titanic (minus the catastrophic sinking))

Yes mom, thanks for remembering my phone, I would’ve forgotten it myself XD I’ll call you if I need someone to pick me up :P

At first it’s cute how you two are shy about it, but then at one point I get fed up and just set you up so you can finally hold hands and be happy. I don’t even try to be subtle anymore. I’ve had enough of that XD

Nah, that’s not weird at all. It makes perfect sense ^^ A lot of people I know are like that! One of my friends doesn’t accept hugs/touching from anyone, including family and very close friends.

It’s a rule of the universe. If you ship it, it’s not gonna be canon. 

THE NEW CHAP. DAMN THE NEW CHAP. I’m mostly (only) emotional over Urie, though. I’ve stopped caring about the others a long time ago ^^;;;

Whoah, that’s pretty interesting! I’ve never played the game or seen any playthroughs, but still.  The Oggai are not to blame for what they’re doing. If I was abducted when I was that young, I’d probably be an obedient puppet as well.., 

One thing I can say about the designs: they’re suffering. Other than that, the sketches are a tiny bit messy, but they do seem to fit their personalities well ^^

And thank you <3 I change my icon quite often, so don’t be surprised if you find a new one often :P

[kkukkung]

Im crying in the school bathroom rn I seriously love wonho so much I'm in pain why is he my ideal guy in every way he's so amazing and handsome and sweet but whO CARES BEVause he don't kno me haha am I right

big mood all the time im always in pain bc he rly................ doesn’t KNOW i would let him shave off my eyebrows if he wanted 2

tardy replies as usual under the cut!

(sorted from oldest to newest)

I wouldn't even care if wonho was a high maintenance boyf tbh I'd just sit and comb his hair all day and tell him he's pretty

hdjkfh this was so long ago but i think i was mostly kidding abt him being a high maintenance bf... like he would do so much giving? but i guess the only thing he’d need is constant reassurance that his s/o loves him imo jfdhgjk... i also think he’d b someone who either doesn’t settle down ever or does it very late in his life!

annie 🌹literary queen ❤️ literally crowned with a laurel wreath! not be drum attic but this midsummer nights monsta au is so!!!! give me sistar as the four star crossed lovers then drag me to h*ll and give me this doctor faustus au i'm itching for with kihyun as faustus and k.will as mephistopheles bc i love to watch my faves s*ffer but don't let me rip until i get my much ado about nothing au with the entire cast of starship ent and a lil cameo from giriboy!

(in refence to this monsta x as shakespearean archetypes ask!) fjdshgkjs shh i lov u... why is k will as mephistopheles so Accurate esp no.mercy k will lmao. um u should write all of these? in fact if... if anyone has mx literary aus.... hmu...... i’ll n*t

another thing about that incident is that it seems like the fan doesn't think Changkyun and Jooheon undersood them?? (an extension i guess they assumed they don't understand english very well) and that's pretty problematic. it seems to me that when they didn't respond the fan assumed they didn't understand and kept repeating it, as a joke. but they literally did That to the two with the most proficient english in the group... it's rly a mess all around. it's disrespectful through and through

(in relation to that gross “d*ddy” incident from a while ago) ik i feel like some intl fans think korea is a land completely culturally and linguistically alienated/divorced from the rest of the world or something and while cultural relativism is real to some extent... the idea that koreans are completely unaware of ~outside~ things is deeply racist. like mostly white ppl think that diasphoric poc are completely Different from them? when my mum went to the states 15 years ago some ppl literally asked her if there were newspapers in china lol...

i just randomly thought of monsta x as sesame street characters mostly bc i wanna see kihyun and wonho duke it out as bert and ernie (kihyun w/ the waste paper bin on his head and wonho asking 'where's the waste paper bin' and kihyun saying 'ask me that again and look into my eyes') and also minhyuk being elmo tbh...

JKGHKJDF PLEASe!!!! when will something like this b photoshopped... minhyuk as elmo is... spot on... i remember once elmo appeared on a now-discontinued late night talk show program i used to watch when i was in primary school and he was like “elmo likes wasabi, that’s why elmo has no eyebrows” and idk why ive never been able to forget this????? very lmh. also this made me think of a monsta x muppets au n minhyuk is the pic of ass-gape kermit.... next post of mine will b monsta x as kermit reaction pics

Hyungkyun is such an under appreciated ship. Like, they just get each other so well? Why do people overlook it. ㅠ.ㅠ Do you have a moment that made you ship them? How would you describe their dynamic?

it’s bc they’re intp x intj they don’t rly... Understand each other with minimal effort/real communication lmao it’s very efficient. both quiet lil darlings who aren’t emotionally That Open but enjoy their own little space together sometimes?? their dynamic is like... they’re weird in different ways but they’re v chill together. u can tell hyungwon is super fond of changkyun like he has this Expression when ck does anything at all.... i think these two rly love each other’s personalities bc they’re both kind/gentle/peaceful types and their overall ?? vibe is just highly compatible... they’re absolute darlings... v soft together... i can’t think of a favourite moment but i rly rly love their birthday messages for each other last year like changkyun’s message for hyungwon was like “ur rly cool bruh ur rly such a great person” and hyungwon’s message for changkyun was rly... just him obviously doting on him n finding him cute jksfdhg i lov them a lot :(

soyou: i know how to make hair pretty :))) knetz: dirty fckn iljin why can't she be out there being being PRODUCTIVE in society by having babies and learning how to be a good wife for her future husband ://// smh how dare she be successful now when i'm stuck doing what society wants me to do but also anonymously attacking ppl i don't personally know on the internet bc THATS respectable the irony of ugly knetz is so transparent

The whole thing about Knetz and wonho's "scandalous" past reminded me of something. As a PSA to those people who are so insistent and pushy that idols aren't allowed to have sex/date/be anything but straight: Fuck all of you. You do not own these people, and if you really cared about them you'd be happy if they were happy. Like tbh, if anyone that famous and busy could also balance out a relationship at the same time, I'd be so happy for them. It really bugs me how all idols are supposed (1/2)(2/2) have this squeaky clean innocent image where they have to look and act a certain way and have these stupid fucking dating bans because once they don't meet up to that image their success suffers. Idols already give up so much privacy, and the last thing they need is millions of people scrutinizing every little thing they do. I don't even know where I started this rant from, but basically, GIVE IDOLS PRIVACY AND DONT JUDGE THEM FOR THEIR PASTS OR FOR BEING IN RELATIONSHIPS OR WHATEVER

yeth ty for highlighting the gross obsession w purity and productivity (like the first anon said -- a very confucian sort of ideal)... i don’t rly have anything else to add here i think. also i would fight for soyou i fact i would fight lmh who said she was his ideal type in no.mercy era... she’s rly one of my faves and the way she was slandered for the hairdressing thing was one of the most ridiculous things knets ever did lmao honestly yuk

u a kihyun stan now👀👀👀

im a @fhiz​ stan it’s the same thing tbh

ahh so i saw your tags on that jh gifset! as one of the few jh stans (or maybe there are way more than i think there are lol) i rly love his "reversal charm." he has a lot of what i lack as a person: a strong presence and a lot of confidence! i respect him so much as a person alth i rag on him a lot LMAO. sorry if this is a bit long winded but i just rly wanted to put this out there ;;

this is rly cute i lov hearing ppl talk abt their faves lovingly it rly... Heals Me. i think it’s strange how underappreciated jooheon is in this fandom especially bc he’s usually the one who catches ur eye first bc he’s so hyped by starship as being a one-in-a-million talented rapper u know? and he rly shines in mvs and no.mercy but............. y does he have the least fansites jkfhdg ?? you’re v right abt the reversal charm thing but i feel like sometimes it’s very overdone like... on lots of shows he’s asked to do aegyo when rly he should be asked to... idk... rap or dance or something?? i actually think jooheon is the most serious member of monsta x sometimes bc he seems to have a sense that he’s.. the pillar of mx if that makes sense? and that’s why he’s always pushing himself and working tirelessly like he feels very Responsible for this group, more than anyone else. idk if that makes sense!!! i love him and i want him to... unwind a bit bc sometimes he looks so stressed and tired but he still feels the need to pretend to be energetic like my heart rly hurts for him :/ this got so emo im sry i do rly love to hear that u respect him sm i love jooheon stans :(

i can see what u mean about jooheon being 1 of the most masculine. (iirc u also talked abt kihyun being that in a post a while ago) like with his face and his physique he really is striking; his body=like that slim,upside-down Y that you'd learn to draw men w/ in Anatomy 101 , but i think.. ,--not that u asked, but,, i think the jury's still out on if he's comfortable w his masculinity with the way he acts feminine lyk misogynistic comedians Can sound like dead ringers for women,? idk & i take +

(not sure if there was a 2nd part to this? there’s nothing else in my inbox so i’m sry if there was and tumblr ate it) yeth i think i meant that his demeanor is the most ~~masculine~~ whereas i think kihyun is still the most... idk... mature-masculine?? if tht makes sense, and i definitely agree w u on that second point! i didn’t think of that at the time but now that i... do... think abt it... ur right and also the way he comes back from it by putting on the >swag demeanor again in an attempt to polarise it is definitely a bit 👀👀👀 he probably doesn’t want to risk his Manly Rapper Image for real u kno? that said it’s ingrained in kpop that behaving cute --> “girly” entails that sort of “comedic” high-pitched voice + compact body language etc.... like i’m not condoning that ofc but i definitely think it’s broader than this particular case! :/ hm

maybe i'd be doing better in school if i could major in kihyunology ;~; i stan him but i def think we still don't know much about him even after all this time after debut. especially when i look at him compared to wonho who wears his heart on his sleeve (bless him i love wonho sm, gotta protect this bun at all costs!!)...but ya it just makes me wanna learn more about him like who is the real kihyun??

i want to write a kihyun meta when i have time... i feel like i Get him a bit more these days but it’s also very hard to put into words bc u kno when u kinda sorta mb get some1 but it’s a feeling rather than anything conveniently expressable gkjdhfjk.... idk if anyone wants to send in some Kihyun Thoughts + Meta feel free! :>> i don’t think he’s actually... as complex as we sometimes make him out to be lol like his behaviour is actually kind of predictable? more on his later

wait is the february comeback actually true? ugh i'm so conflicted cuz on one hand i'm excited if there's really gonna be a full length album, but i also think they need more rest but then there's the matter of getting their first win and idk i'm super psyched but i'm also worried that the boys are being overworked

i still feel like they had a comeback like yesterday lol like looking at their schedules stresses me out bc they do so much..... im glad wonho got to go to his mum’s cafe recently tho! all we can do is have faith in them rn and when it’s time... stream, buy things if ur able to, spread the news and the hype etc. i am definitely Worried abt some things like the competition they’re up against but.... gotta have faith u kno... and i feel like all active idols are kind of... permanently worked very hard but i think currently only jooheon and shownu are a bit Overloaded. also has the date been confirmed yet... it’s february already...

[unscriptedguidelines]

Fast Lane: Part I

By T. East So here's a snippet of the urban romance novel I'm writing....for fun, once you reboot this, add your own paragraph to the ending of this part ✨🙌🏾 Part I Kash Sometimes in a world where you don’t know what people value more, money or loyalty, you have to grow up and faster than most. Sometimes you have to fight through many obstacles and sometimes you have to bite the bullet and make it out somewhere. I am a living testimony to how you make it in this world. My name is Kasha Saraine Delancy but everybody calls me Kash or KJ for short. I am the Princess of Charlotte….more so the Charlotte Drug trade. My parents were Daniela Martinez-Delancy and Kashon Delancy, the Queen and King of the QC. I say were because some pussy ass bastard who felt like they were too powerful took them out in a car explosion when I was 5. I never really got a chance to love and know them but they were my heart. I was sent to live with my aunt and uncle, also my parents bestfriends, My aunt Carmen is my mother’s sister and definitely took me in and loved me like her own daughter. My uncle Terrence was my father’s best friend and protects me like no other. Their twin daughters Jayelin and Kayelin are my best friends and we ride this life out like the thuggettes that we are……..well I’m speaking too much. I think WE should tell you this story… … Kash “Ain’t nothin’ to a boss, we ballin’ when you see us..” -Duffle Bag Boy ​“Students, make sure you turn in those final papers to me by tomorrow evening. I wouldn't want any of you lacking before graduation next week”, said my Economics professor. I grabbed my things and walked out of class with pure joy written on my face. This was my last class of my senior year and I couldn't help but to be too proud of myself. I was 20 years old and graduating from Johnson C. Smith University with a degree in Business and a minor in Hospitality/Tourism. Yeah, your girl is a beauty but what’s beauty without brains ya know? I was relieved and happy that now me and my best friends could put our plan into action. See, me and the twins wanted to open up our on string of strip malls, including a House of Kash boutique, a Paradize spa chain by Jay, and a Tomboy sneaker/heel boutique by Kay. I was so lost in these thoughts that i did not notice the non moving object in front of me. It was too late by the time I looked up and I fell flat on my butt with my phone and books droping. “Oh man, little ma, are you good?” said the deepest baritone voice I’ve ever heard. Getting up and rubbing my butt, I looked deeply into the most gorgeous set of hazel eyes. I stepped back and took in this person at a glance. “Little ma, you staring a little hard.” he laughed. I shook off my embarrassment and glared at him. “Well I wouldn't be staring if you hadn't been in my way” I spat. He tilted his head and looked at me sideways. “Well if I recall, it was you who wasn't looking up ma and with all due respect you can leave your attitude on the ground cause I'm not beat for it.”. I shook my head and gathered my belonging and proceeded to walk away. I was about to graduate and I definitely did not have time for the foolishness. I could feel a pair of eyes on me so I swung my long ombre natural hair to the side and looked back. Sure enough, Hazel eyes was staring so I put a jump to that trunk I got back there and strutted off. ​I was cruising in my BMW X5 down South Caldwell street when I decided to hit up the twins for a late lunch. “Kaaaaaaay!” I yelled into the car speaker. “Kash, why do you have to yell mama? Usted esta loca, mama,” she laughed. I smiled and got to business. “Look, I finished. The deal is done. Let’s meet for lunch and tell your sister be on time please. We are finally ready.” I said. There was a short pause before Kay spoke. “Kash, I’m so proud of you baby. This is the day you’ve been waiting for and the moment me and Jay have been longing for. Let’s get this money. Live fast…” she said. “And die slow….” i spoke back. “We all we got” we both said in unison. I smiled at the phrase that Jay came up with years before. I got off the phone with her and cruised through downtown to our favorite restaurant, McCormick and Schmick’s. It was a high priced restaurant but it was perfect for this moment. No more struggling, no more bad days……it was on from there. Kay ​After hanging up the phone from Kash, I immediately got down on my knees and praised God because we were finally making moves. Let me introduce myself though, I’m Kaylen Brianna Martinez-Jones but most know me as Kay. I am a 5’4 Dominican and Black bombshell with a coca-cola body shape. I rock 22 inches of my REAL natural hair that is lightly colored blonde and it rests atop a firm but plump derriere. I am the brains of the trio and definitely the most observant. I peep things with these hazel-brown eyes from afar and near and I make sure we don’t ever get into serious trouble. And by serious trouble I mean……well I’ll let Kash tell you the rest. I graduated from the University of North Carolina with a degree in Computer Science and a degree in Business. I always thought I would be a computer analyst for a firm or for the FBI but my real passion is shoes. Growing up, I was always daddy’s little girl so I caught the tomboy persona from him. I have a LOVE for heels, just like any grown woman but I also had a love for sneakers just like any grown man. I always had the first hand on any retro Jordans or any hot new sneaks that were coming out. Speaking of Jordans, I need to hit up my connect about this OVO Jordan pack that Drake is releasing. I know that Kash has an unhealthy obsession with Drake so this would be a great graduation gift for her. I hit up Rell on my iPhone while I pulled out clothes to meet up with the girls. “Kay Bay, what’s the deal lady?”, yelled Rell. I chuckled because Rell was your typical hood nigga. “Man Rell why the fuck you yelling, son? Look I need the scoop on that OVO pack I’m looking for. Who, what, when, and where?” I inquired. “Look, I got the pack but you have to scoop it from the dude I always cop from. I am currently out of town on family business shawty. “ he said. I rolled my eyes because whenever Rell said that, that meant he did some hot boy shit and he had to get out of dodge. “Alright Rell but make this the last time you do this. I pay you too much money to be dealing with strangers. What’s his info?” I grabbed a pen and paper. “Aight, his name is Jus and he’s a real cool dude, shawty. I told him that you meeting him today at 2.” I glanced at the clock and noticed it was 1:30. “Damn Rell!! When was you gon’ tell me?” I yelled. I hung up before he answered and rushed to shower and get dressed. I threw on a pair of YSL ripped washed skinny jeans and a black racer back Beyonce “Surfboardt” belly tank. I threw on my matte black pair of Louboutin Red Bottoms and grabbed my black Marc Jacobs tote bag and headed to my garage. I hit the locks on my black and chrome 2015 Audi A5 coupe and headed down South Blvd to meet up with this guy. As I was driving, I contemplated on my life at hand. At the young age of 19, I was already successful in my endeavors. I graduated college early because I was a genius if you would say. But my genius mind had nothing to do with my hustle. I inherited the hustle strictly from my dad. My dad was the infamous Terrance Jones, the right hand to Kash, my godfather and a man who once ruled the Charlotte drug world with an iron fist. My dad was his right hand and best friend, more so like brothers. While Uncle Kash handled the business, my dad was the enforcer. His assassin mind and cold heart made him one of the top killers on the east coast. Fortunately I didn’t inherit that dark side from him, but I couldn’t say the same about my twin Jay. Although we were daddy’s girls, we were spitting images of our beautiful mother. Carmen Martinez-Jones was a beautiful dominican bombshell but played NO games. I was blessed to have two parents that were ride or die totally. At times, I prayed for Lil Kash because I know she missed her parents deeply. But I knew we were about to make Uncle Kash and Aunt Dani proud. The sounds of beeping horns broke me out my thoughts. I channeled my focus on the highway as I pushed 80 going towards Southpark mall on the Southside. I was leery meeting this guy Rell hooked up because I didn’t trust anybody that wasn’t La Familia. Hell, I didn't even trust Rell but as long as he kept being on point with the sneakers we wouldn’t have any issues. I pulled up to the mall and valet parked my whip. When I stepped out, I had the attention of all the men in the vicinity. I whipped my hair to the back and strutted towards Maggiano’s,the upperclass Italian restaurant. When I reached the hostess, she smiled at me. “Hello, Miss Kay. How are you?” said GiGi. I smiled and hugged her. “I’m well, Gi. Can you set me up at my usual spot? I’m meeting somebody and I want to see them before they arrive.” I said. She nodded and led me to my special table. I ordered a glass of Cupcake Moscato and proceeded to online shop on my iPad. A girl couldn’t get enough of shoes and clothes as it seems. I looked up and saw a tall gentleman walk up to Gigi. I couldn't get a good look at his face until they started to walk up this way but when I did, I almost lost my nerve and my panties. This man stood at 6’4 and had the skin of perfectly roasted almond. His waves were making me sea sick and his swag was on one thousand. When he got closer, I noticed the Balmain jeans that slightly hung off his hips and the red Balenciaga sneakers on his feet. He filled out the Givenchy T-Shirt nicely with his muscles and tattoos that went on for days. I was so caught up that I didn’t notice that him and GiGi was standing right before me. “Miss Kay?” said GiGi. I sputtered and coughed. “Yes please sit down” I said. He smirked and sat down and his Curve Men cologne wafted under my nose. “Sup ma? I’m Jus.” he reached out his hand. I looked and tilted my head. “Do you have my shoes?” I asked. He shook his head and took back his hand. I was in no mood to have conversation. Jus I didn't know what I did to God but I thanked him for sitting this beauty in front of me. Shorty was looking right in those YSL jeans and I couldn’t help but wonder what she was working with back there. But I knew one thing, the woman I was looking at was going to be my wife and the mother of my children. Her features had me wondering what she was mixed with but the movement of her lips had me mesmerized. “Look ma, Rell said you needed the OVO pack but honestly, I need your number.” . She turned her head to the side and smiled a smile that shook my whole world upside down. “Listen Jus—“ . “Actually, its Justice ma,”, I licked my lips and smiled at her. “Well JUSTICE, I appreciate the flattery but obviously it gets you nowhere. Honestly, I just want to talk about the shoes.” she spoke to me. “Now Rell told me you had the Drake OVO pack and I am trying to acquire that for my best friend since she’s graduating”. I sipped my drink. “Well congratulations to her, and yes I have the OVO pack. But before I give you that, I need two favors from you.” She frowned. “And what favors are those?”. she said. “Please give me your number and you and your friends come to my brother’s birthday party tomorrow night at Cameo”, I said. She thought for a few seconds and smiled. She then proceeded to gather her things and stood. “You know when you walked over here, I thought you had substance. Guess I was wrong.” She then sashayed her way out of the restaurant. I was sitting in complete shock for a few minutes when I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was the waitress who showed me in. She gave me a smile and dropped a note in front of me. Jus, Those shoes and my best friend mean more to me than your lack of substance. I will see you tomorrow night. Please put me down for 4 people. and by the way, the name Justice suits you. xoxoxo Kayelin (not Ma) 704-555-8438 I smiled and laughed. Lilttle ma definitely was going to be a challenge but for some reason, that was a challenge I willing to make. I left the restaurant and hopped in my range truck. As I left out of the mall area, my iPhone rung. “Talk to me” I said into the speaker. “Boy every time I call you, wounding like you on some boss shit. “ I laughed outloud. Only person who call me and get away with saying dumb shit like that was my brother Kaide. “Nigga what the fuck do you want?” I said between laughs. “Maaaaaaaan I’m calling you to see if you were ready for little brother’s party tomorrow.” said Kaide. I sat back and my thoughts drifted to our other brother, Jordan. I am the oldest of us three boys. My name is Justice Koran Santiago and I am the oldest brother to Kaide Martine’ Santiago and Jordan Edward Santiago. My mother raised me to always look out for my brothers and that’s what I am trying to do. But sadly, my mother never got her wish because 6 yeas prior I fell into the trap of my slick talking father, Johan Santiago. My father was the son of a Colombian drug lord, my grandfather Jose Lete’-Santiago. But my father didn’t take the drug lord route, instead he became one of the top assassins in the world. And his oldest son didn’t fall too far from the tree. I am the leader of my own assassin group and my brother Kaide was right there beside me. I took contracts out from the biggest names in the world. I have killed people for presidents, senators, entertainment stars and even gold digging ass housewives. My only rule is that I do not hurt, touch or kill children. I could diminish the innocence of a child. Another reason why I halfway listened to my mother and didn;t let my brother Jordan get involved with any of the stuff Kaide and I did. I steered my brother right and sent him off to college. Jordan just finished up his undergrad years at Howard University with a Bachelor’s in Science and a Bachelor’s in Chemistry. I was such a proud big brother and I knew my brother was destined for greatness. Now don’t get me wrong, I was proud of Kaide. Not many people knew but Kaide had his degree in business and was trying to open up some event planning businesses. He was actually in the talks with 3 sisters from Charlotte who had business called the Conglomerate. But this business we were in was tricky. And I know it could not last forever. “Ay Jus, I meant to tell you, I met the girl of my dreams today, fam. I know I did.” I laughed because Kaide was truly a ladies man. SO him saying that perked my attention. “Oh really bro? What did she look like?” aide started rambling “Son I swear she was a reincarnate of a love child of Aaliyah and Selena. Shorty bumped into me and I promise you not, she melted in my arms dawg” he yelled. I laughed because I never heard him speak like this. “Well seems like me and you both my brother. Well I invited my future to the party tomorrow with some of her friends.” Kaide chuckled. “That’s funny considering the fact that Jade will be in attendance tomorrow”. I shuddered and frowned at the thought of my ex. “Listen we will handle that when it comes up but more importantly, we have a contract to be fulfilled by Saturday. Lets get it done.” I could hear Kaide sigh through the phone. “Sayless. I’ll catch up with you later.” I ended the call and mentally prepared myself for this week’s activities. Jay I rolled over and looked at the sun gleaming through my window. I tried to sit up in bed but the pain that shot through my body was enough to make me lie right back down. The night I had last night was surely enough to make a grown man tremble but I had no emotions. Well unless it came to my off and on and off again boyfriend Taz. I looked over to see if he was still there but of course he wasn’t. I got up and made my way to the bathroom to take a shower to numb some of the pain away. I also checked my texts to make sure my sisters Kaye and Kash got in safe last night. Last night was a close call and we could never be that close again. I might as well let the beans slip and let you know that we were hit-men or hit-women if you will. We will under the control of my father Terrance and I made damn good money. But I made so much money that I couldn’t figure out why I had such a shitty love life. Speaking of my love life, I was hearing a voice coming from inside my bathroom that I knew belonged to Taz. I tip toed to the door and eavesdropped. “Baby look, I’m sorry but you know what it is. I promise I’ll come over in a hour and pound that pussy out for me. Let me hear her purr for me.” I barged in that bathroom and threw his phone. “Purr motherfucker PURR. Do me and YOU a favor and get the fuck out of my shit now.”, Taz ran after me as I stormed back into my bedroom. “Baby please don’t do this. You know I was just playing with girl, I was gon’ get right back.” he whined, mimicking a Lloyd song. “Nigga if you don’t shut the fuck up copying other niggas shit. I am sick and tired of your bullshit. You disrespect me all day long and act like that shit’s okay. Newsflash BITCH, it’s not okay. I am completely disgusted with your dumb, STD catchin’ ass. Grab your dick, and sashay your weak ass out my crib”., I angrily spat at him. I glared into his eyes and a quick flash, his eyes turned to black. I turned to grab my cellphone and felt a hard WAP to the back of my head. “Bitch, you think you gon’ talk any kinda way to me and think ima let that shit ride. Get your ass up and lay on that bed.” he yelled. For some odd reason, I obliged to his words and laid on the bed. I was scared as fuck to know what he would do if I didn’t and since my guns were not accessible, I did my best to try to make it through this ordeal. As Taz started pounding his fists into my body and my hands went flying back to protect myself, my thoughts drifted to my sister and Kash. If only they know how I was acting right now, they would wonder how the hell was I one of my dad’s best assassins. But the truth is, my inner self was not that worthy of such a brave title. I had insecurities for days, starting with the fact that I kill people for a living. For a while, the people I killed kept popping in my dreams and then I became numb to the bloodshed. The bloodshed helps me numb myself to the insecurities and problems I have, especially with men. As I kept drifting into my thoughts, I didn’t realize Taz had picked me up in the car and dropped me in an alley. He kicked and beat me some more before he stole my keys and my car and sped off. I was slipping in and out of consciousness, praying that God loved me before I went to hell when I heard a voice calling to me. I tried to turn my head but the pain in my head prevented from doing so. I felt myself being lifted into a car and hearing two different voices. “Jordan, man what the hell? How are we going to explain this to Jus?” said one voice. “I don’t know Kai, but we can’t leave her there like this man. She needs help. Let’s take her to Carolinas Med, quickly.” said the other. I could hear the other guy suck his teeth. “Man you’re right. But I don’t want to hear Jus’ mouth man. We were supposed to meet him 30 minutes ago.” While they were talking, I just kept replying the memories in my head. I kept thinking of my sister, Kash, my parents, and my family. I knew that if something happened to me, blood will shed. My father and brothers will tear the streets with the rest of the crew, bodying anybody in sight if something happened. The funny thing is, I also kept thinking of the voice I was hearing in the shadows. It was like something kept drawing me to it. The sweet, melodic baritone voice kept telling me to fight and that everything was going to be okay. I just simply laid back and let the darkness consume me. Stay tuned for Part II

[myupdatesystems-blog]

How to Make Money Writing Books

New Post has been published on https://myupdatesystems.com/2017/04/14/how-to-make-money-writing-books/

How to Make Money Writing Books

We live in a world of quiet revolutions. Only a few years ago the idea of a flat-screen TV was considered to be in the realm of Star Trek. Today you cannot buy a traditional cathode ray TV. That’s just one example.

This report is about an equally quiet revolution that has massive repercussions for the publishing industry and reveals how ordinary people – some not even writers in the traditional sense of the word – can propel themselves into a new world of prosperity. And I will show you how one person used this to create six figure incomes from publishing, (believe it or not), a nine-page document.

A survey published by Readers Digest some five years ago revealed that 72% of people felt they ‘had a book inside them’, and the massive success of J. K. Rowling (real name, Joanne Murray) has prompted many to try their hand at writing for profit.

In many ways, this is mirrored by the music industry. Every day thousands, if not millions of young hopefuls write and perform songs they hope will one day be a big hit, and thanks to a quiet but spectacular revolution in the music industry, more of these new songs are successful than ever before in history.

To see how the Internet Publishing Revolution will affect you, let me show you how its equivalent has already affected the music industry.

For over a hundred years, the Producers dominated the music industry. These companies were household names – EMI, Columbia Records, HMV, Decca, Virgin, CBS, BMG to name but a few, and the only chance of success any aspiring songwriter had lay in getting noticed by a record producer who would accept and promote their work.

And for most of that hundred years, music production was mechanical – vinyl records followed by cassettes and CDs. Then the force of an Internet revolution hit the music industry full in the face.

First, the MP3 file was invented by the German company Fraunhofer-Gesellschaft. In 1997, Tomislav Uzelac of AMP was the first to integrate player software into Windows and in 1999 a company calledSubPopbecame the first to distribute music tracks in MP3 format. (Info courtesy of About.com – inventors.)

Music had suddenly gone digital.

The real breakthrough came in October 2001 when Apple released the iPod, a refined DAP (Digital Audio Player). DAPs were invented by the British inventor Kane Kramer. Other DAPs had preceded the iPod but Apple has long been associated with design excellence, not to mention that indefinable quality is known as ‘cool’. The iPod took off.

What did these developments do to the traditional music industry, particularly music shops? It decimated it almost overnight. Sales of traditional CDs have collapsed worldwide and what’s left are sold on internet sites. The traditional local music store has either gone completely or diversified into gaming and accessories. On 7th January 2011, the Guardian newspaper wrote:

“In many US cities, it’s difficult to find a record store. The last US HMV closed five years ago, Tower Records stopped trading soon after, and the last Virgin Megastore finally closed its doors 18 months ago. You may find a CD section in consumer electronic stores such as Best Buy or at Walmart, but the selection doesn’t stray far beyond the top 40.”

And yet, this massive sea change, whilst hammering producers and retailers, released an avalanche of new talent who could now record and produce their own music in their own bedrooms using little more than a good microphone and a laptop. The massive power of social networking on the Internet using Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube can now propel new talent (or the lack of it!) into the public eye without the need to go near a producer. At the height of the industry’s crisis, well-known rock bands and individuals simply forced labels to renegotiate their contracts.

“Musicians can self-publish if they like, selling their own tunes off their own websites. This has meant that top performers make unbelievable sums – far more than their counterparts in 1969. The Carpenters used to have to beg for money for a new car, while their albums sold millions. Now, because they can guarantee the big audiences, all that money the label used to take, the musicians get. So tens of millions flow their way. If you have any doubt, look at the private jets and helicopters owned and flown by the lead drummer for Pink Floyd. Or about any rapper on late night MTV. It would make a corporate CEO envious.” (Adam Hartung – thephoenixprinciple.com)

This is what the Internet music revolution did: It moved most of the income away from a small number of record producers directly into the hands of musicians.

Now let’s look at publishing because what happened to the music industry is being repeated there. Let’s start with the technology first – the written equivalent of the MP3 file and DAP player.

In 1473 Thomas Caxton printed the first book produced in the English language using the revolutionary new printing press. With regard to the production of books, newspapers, and magazines, very little has changed. It’s a hugely un-green industry. Lip service is paid to using sustainable forestry but even if that were entirely true, the process is extremely invasive, akin to ripping the heart out of mother earth and waiting for it to re-grow. Many of the chemicals and bleaches used are less than pleasant and until recently, the carbon powder used for the production of inks was regarded as a toxic carcinogen. Something has got to change.

Ironically, readers of books are often people with conscience and have an intellectual leaning to being kind to the environment. I say ironically because a few of them are less than impressed with the idea of getting rid of traditional books in favor of the publishing version of the iPod – the eBook Reader.

When the iPod first came out, its slogan was, ‘1000 tunes in your pocket.’ I cannot imagine how many CDs it would take to replace the songs on the average iPod but I am prepared to wager that the total cost to the environment of creating those physical CDs is vastly more than one iPod.

The eBook reader (eReader) is the book lover’s equivalent of the music lover’s iPod. ‘1000 books in your pocket.’ The equivalent of the MP3 file is undoubtedly Adobe’s PDF (Portable Document File). Every computer has Adobe’s PDF Reader installed because nearly every computer program now has its manual reproduced in this format. Why? Because it’s a heck of a lot cheaper to stick a 200-page manual onto a CD than it is to rip down and process half a forest.

To be fair to those who still prefer paper books, there are a number of things about eReaders that are not as good as printed material.

First, the technology behind eReaders is still being developed. E-Ink screens still lack contrast and, like the first Ford automobile, you can have any color you like as long as it’s black. Colour screens are still in development unless you pick on an iPad which doubles as an eBook reader although it is still a computer at heart. And yet, the day of an eBook reader that is just as good as the printed version is not far off. It may yet be that the iPad becomes the new eReader of popular choice or that Amazon’s Kindle will take the flag. We shall see.

Another annoyance is DRM or Digital Rights Management. Quite understandably, this is to prevent people file sharing and breaching copyright. It is still a major problem with music downloads and DVDs. The problem is that it seems every eReader producer has their own system, involving downloading software to your computer and endless messing about with their limited book titles and not being able to download someone else’s. Forests will fall until someone makes it simple to just buy an eBook online.

Nevertheless, the writing is on the wall for paper publishing. Newspapers like The Times are going on-line and require subscriptions to see today’s news. More and more books have digital versions. And to be perfectly frank, if it wasn’t for the sheer size of the whole printing industry, any half-green government would put an immediate quote, and tax, on anything so destructive to the environment. If fact the opposite holds true for eBooks, which are seriously green and yet are all taxed at the full rate of Vat.

Although the eReader equivalent of the iPod is still in the making, the day of the digital book is firmly here and will only increase while traditional bookshops are closing down at a rate of two a week.

The power of information publishing

While this sounds ominous from the point of view of conventional booksellers and publishers, nothing could be further from the truth when it comes to authors, or what I prefer to call, ‘creators of written digital products.’ Like the musicians in the iPod revolution, the power (and the money) has moved away from the big publication houses into the ranks of the writers. And in the same way that one, fairly short pop single can change the fortunes of a new musician almost overnight, so can a small written equivalent change the fortune of even the most elementary of writers, if they know what to do.

In the days of Beethoven and Wagner, composers didn’t write two-minute hit singles; they wrote symphonies – the musical equivalent of a large novel. Today, very few musicians compose long works. They compose singles. Singles are quick to create and are popular. They may go on to produce an album but this will invariably be a compilation of singles. Gone are the great symphony composers of old. Modern music is short, often short-lived but also very profitable.

This distinction is not so clear in publishing. Today, if I say I am a writer, the assumption is that I write novels. Not so. I am an information publisher, and that is about as far from novel writing as Wagner’s Die Walküre is from Turn My Swag On by Alexa Goddard.

It must also be said that the commercial mindset of the modern musician is far more advanced than that of the modern writer. Most writers would rival Thomas Caxton for still being in the dark ages.

The modern songwriter is very commercially minded, very savvy about the fact that music makes money, and takes pains to write music that is in demand. By contrast, the average aspiring writer hasn’t a clue about what is selling. They write the book they want to write and then spend years trying to find someone to publish it. Sometimes they strike lucky. Most times not. A writer with a bit of commercial nous would at least look at the New York Times Best Seller list and create something in the same genre. But that would still be wrong unless you want to lock yourself away for three years. Terrestrial book writing is still about writing modern symphonies, not pop songs. To make money publishing on the Internet we need to look at the written equivalent of pop.

The modern and soon to be successful songwriter no longer sends a private recording of his new hit single to a music producer in the hope of catching his ear. There is a new process and it is this:

First, he or she will have the commercial sense to look at the kind of music that is most popular and put together all the synthesizers and gizmos necessary to create a sound that is modern. The days of three guys with acoustic guitars and a drum set trying to copy The Shadows are long gone.

Next, they will create their song. It will be short, sweet and as highly polished as they can make it.

Next, they will have their own website. It will look smart and also contain lots of free ‘songlets’ with a video of them singing their latest creation. Their video, also home made, can still look professional using modern, inexpensive video editing software.

Next, they will use the power of the Internet to promote their work. To do this they will do a combination of two things – viral marketing and joint ventures. No longer do they need to kowtow to music producers. In the old days getting publicity was hugely expensive. Today anyone can have their 15 minutes of fame simply by doing something dumb on YouTube. Viral marketing (one person telling two others who each tell two others and so on) does the rest. Today, modern songwriters have become self-publishers, which is arguably the only area where publishing is ahead of the music game.

Self-publishers are people who write and publish their own work. It’s not new. Mark Twain self-published some of his own works. So did William Blake, Stephen King, Rudyard Kipling, Lord Byron, E.E. Cummings, Alexander Dumas, T.S. Eliot, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Hardy, Ernest Hemingway, D.H. Lawrence, Edgar Allen Poe, Alexander Pope, Beatrix Potter, Ezra Pound, Marcel Proust, George Bernard Shaw, Shelley, Alfred Lord Tennyson, Thoreau, Leo Tolstoi, Walt Whitman, and Virginia Woolf. So if you decide to self-publish you’ll be in good company. The question is what should you write?

The fact is that the Internet publishing revolution is about to become a new phenomenon for self-publishers. It actually has little to do with eReaders and the like. It’s a far bigger game that most websites haven’t quite grasped, traditional writers haven’t grasped at all, and the average person thinks they cannot do because they don’t think they’re writers. But that’s exactly the point. Writers do not succeed on the Internet. It’s the average person who makes money because they’re not loaded down with all the baggage that writers have about their art. It’s not writers who make money on the Internet, it’s product developers, in particular – ‘creators of written digital products’ otherwise known as eBook/eReport writers.

Let me show you how to make money on the Internet, almost overnight, and then give you an example. Please read this carefully because it’s pure gold.

Most people have no idea how big some websites are on the Internet. It’s difficult to tell unless they tell you. In 2003 I spotted a website called eDiets.com and on its pages, it mentioned it had nearly 14 million subscribers to its bi-weekly on-line newsletter. That meant that twice a week, this website sent an email to 14 million people.

Now suppose the proprietor of this mega-site phoned me up and said, “Hey, Phil baby. How’s it hangin'”, or something like that and asked me to prepare a ‘special’ report, not much longer than this one, about dieting – say – Top Ten Dieting Secrets. He suggested I put it together with a one-page website. But he wasn’t going to pay me for this, at least not directly. What he would do is endorse and publicize my report to 14 million people in his next newsletter. I could charge what I liked for the report and he would take 60% of sales. Is this a good deal?

Let’s work it out. Suppose I charged only ten dollars and he’s going to recommend it to 14 million people who already listen to what he writes so I don’t need to do any advertising. Let’s assume only 1% (140,000) buy the book. That’s total sales of 1,400,000 dollars of which I keep 40% which is just over half a million dollars.

Half a million dollars for a 12 page eBook? Does this sound like a good deal? I think so.

Of course, I did say that Hiram E. Cattle rustler Jnr. phoned me up to make this offer and that’s not going to happen. But what we can do is prepare the project and put the deal to him, after all, it’s worth 840,000 dollars to him alone and all he has to do is send out an email that he was going to send out anyway. It’s a no-brainer and not bad for a day’s work.

Okay, this is a top of the range example and the potential is actually higher than this. I would personally consider a 1% response to be very poor. My average is 20% but on smaller sites. It’s still good money though. And the number of websites is unlimited.

The Internet publishing revolution is this new power to act as an information provider to millions of people at virtually no cost using existing websites as bookshops. It’s easier than writing music and requires very little investment. There is no stock, no printing, no risk and a complete win-win situation for everyone concerned.

To give people a clue about the potential I often cite this story. Several years ago I got a kidney stone. A quick search on Dr. Internet revealed a guy offering a homegrown solution to certain types of kidney stones. Basically, he was selling a simple report giving his plan with a full refund guarantee. I examined the site very carefully and made inquiries with several knowledgeable American friends who are ‘in the know’. Estimates of income vary, but my personal view, having had some success myself, is that Kidney Stone Man made himself at least one hundred grand.

When I downloaded his book it was only nine pages long. Did this matter? No. His solution was sound and I have no complaints.

My first book was launched in 2004 at a price of nearly $20. It’s not a good example of a simple first attempt because it was a real book, and therefore quite detailed. Nevertheless, I used exactly the same marketing techniques used by new musicians and the result to date is at least 100,000 downloads despite that fact I have hardly done any promotion beyond the first week of launch. I still receive cheques every week.

A friend of mine in Manchester recently made himself over £30,000 in less than seven weeks doing this.

The new power of Internet publishing – the fact that millions of websites can now act as bookstores – is probably one of the powerful entrepreneurial movements since the World Wide Web was invented. The digital music revolution has to lead the way, but the potential of digital books is staggering. I believe that never before in history has it become easier for the average person to achieve incomes on a par with major executives of large corporations. Never before has fame and riches been so simple to achieve.

[jeffreyshowlive]

JEEZY CONCERT ! 

One of Atlanta’s very own trap artist pioneers Jeezy came back to his origins on March 22 of 2017 to give the sold out Tabernacle venue one hell of a show in Atlanta. The name of Jeezy American Tour is entitled “Trap or Die 3” based on his latest LP. The Tabernacle max capacity can hold up to 2,600 people on the bottom floor and two upstairs tiers above. I always question why the hometown men like Jeezy can’t pull a Philip’s Arena on their own but nevertheless I’m still proud of him for being active in this age. Okay so if you plan to attend the Jeezy concert, and I’m so thankful he dropped the “Young” be sure to arrive around 10pm hell maybe even 10:30pm. Jeezy is known for claiming that the show will began at 8 with his opening act followed by him at 9 but we didn’t see Jeezy until 11pm. Honestly I could take away from the man based up on him being late technically but I’m not sweating it too much actually.

 Moving along the opening act of the evening was Lil Durk and the crowd was over it, you know how people always claim that hip hop is dead and be over it well this is who they are talking about. I can’t even flex I only knew one song from his discography and I felt really corny singing it alone and that was “My Beyonce”. I could have lived without Durk and just the DJ playing bops all evening like he was basically doing anyway. Unexpectedly Pastor Troy who had to be lit on something comes out and waves to the stage and gets a reaction with his World title belt around his waist. Eventually we get a surprise performance from Pastor Troy and the crowd went nuts and the suffering that we endured from Lil Durk was all worth it when we all came along to rap “Vice Versa” in unity.

 SHOWTIME!

 Jeezy is one of the most popular artist I’ve done a review on to date and I hope to just continue to go up from here. Interesting enough one of Jeezy stage managers started to tape papers with words on the stage and I was like “WYD”. I was wondering if Jeezy wasn’t good with remembering his own lyrics, dare I say it but does he write his own lyrics so I was really intrigued to see the utilization on Jeezy end now that these papers have been placed on stage. Jeezy song opening was not the move, the reaction that Jeezy got was from everyone finally excited to see him but the actual song had majority of the crowd quiet and the first few tracks off Trap or Die 3 actually had little to no interaction from the crowd. So I’m patient at this point because I know damn well I didn’t care for Trap or Die 3 but this man has hits for days and once Jeezy started rolling out the hits the crowd erupted. Crowd participation was on 100 it was dope watching everyone rap along together with their own swag and attitude to some of Jeezy classics which included; “I Luv It”, “Get Allot”, and “Everythang”. Jeezy mainly did the chorus of the song or maybe one verse followed throughout the duration of the night which was cool with me. DJ ACE and Jeezy was in sync the entire night without any live band to assist the two but man the lights were so harsh at times during the show. There were moments however when the lighting was perfectly executed especially when Jeezy personally directed them. Jeezy was performing the hit “Supafreak” and we all expected the song to cut off during 2 Chainz verse like previous tracks that contained featured artist but this case was different. 2 Chainz casually walked onto the stage and if the arena wasn’t already turned up it exploded when the former Dufflebag Boi came onto stage to spit his verse. 2 Chainz didn’t just walk out from there but he then proceeded to perform his hit ‘Watch Out” and latest single “Good Drank” before giving Jeezy his blessings. One hell of way to make up for being late Jeezy, 2 Chainz is definitely one of my favorite performers, always good to see him. So I watched Jeezy thoroughly throughout the night tipsy and all and I did not see him use the papers on stage for lyrics however during his performance of “My Nigga” he did forget some of his verse and the crowd did not bash him but instead helped him all the way out by finishing the verse for him, real fans how many of us have them? Finishing up the review, I had a few songs that actually stood out for the evening the first being “Way Too Gone” I couldn’t even get this one on video you just had to be there to experience the moment, “Put On” such a classic and relevant track still to this day, “Soul Survivor” Jeezy asked for the lights to be turned off to perform this one and it really made the performance different than the rest. Jeezy also did a tribute to Shawty Lo, I believe it was his birthday actually but the entire crowd was going crazy for LO, and finally the closing performance of the night was “All There” which was the best decision seeing that it featured the late Bankroll Fresh. Jeezy performed the song in its entirety with the lights remaining on while the entire venue sung along embracing one of the few songs we actually know off of “Trap or Die 3”. I didn’t get “My President Is Black” live and I was mad salty about that but I will survive. Jeezy honestly reminds me of myself in terms of I really don’t think he’s good with lyrics at all a lot of times he was improvising but for the most part he knew his songs which was good. I saw a family attend this concert and honestly it is a family friendly concert with some profanity. Jeezy is a jokester which he talked to the audience various times throughout the night making us laugh and even had an intimate moment with a fan responding back to her saying, “I love you too.” The concert was a success, I definitely would go again with some friends, be sure to check out the merchandise stand it was so dope and overall it was a great experience for $68.