#surprisingly I'm not dysphoric yet

[mentallyderangedrats]

I want to rip out my uterus

[lottyeh]

hey everyone! i didn't realise i hadn't properly been on here since june so i wanted to make a little update post to say how i'm doing. if you're new here, none of the stuff i'm talking about here is fantasy. i'm just a bit weird and am exploring real detra.nsition using kink hahaha

i've been off T for 255 days, or over 8 months, now! i've not got any changes that stuck around, thank god, so i look completely female, like i was never on T at all.

i haven't worn a binder in just about as long, i don't even know where in my room it is anymore. i've been wearing bras every day and any chest dysphoria i had is totally gone, i've taken to showing them off and showing cleavage and stuff which has been really fun! i also wear skirts or dresses much more often than i don't and wear makeup every day. none of this, surprisingly, has made me dysphoric at all?

i've started a new college course and haven't introduced myself to anyone using he/him so they're all using she/her for me! i've taken the pronouns out of all of my bios and "accidentally lost" my pronoun pin so there's literally nothing to correct them.

literally the only thing between me and being totally detran.sitioned is telling people i know. that probably won't come for a long while yet but otherwise i'm presenting totally female. it's a lot of fun! you should try it if you haven't <3

update: hi again! adding onto this a little while later to say i've started coming out as detran.sitioning irl!! kind of. i'm letting everyone new i meet assume she/her and telling everyone i already know that i don't care about pronouns anymore. everyone i've told that to so far has immediately defaulted to she/her. it's felt great! i still need to confront my birth name but that's a task for later me. i'm just celebrating what i've managed so far!

[alex51324]

A sensitive topic, but useful information

If you have a uterus, etc., and are dysphoric enough about it that you don't go to the gyno, here's a thing I learned this week that may come in handy one day, if you start having pain or other symptoms from that department:

There's a way you can at least get started on having all those organs checked out, without taking your pants off.

It's called a transabdominal pelvic ultrasound--you lay down, fully clothed, and just pull up your shirt as far as your ribcage, and undo your fly and push your trousers/underwear down to your hipbones. (And if you still feel too exposed, you can get a drape for the parts of your abdomen they aren't working on at any given moment.)

The technician goes over you with the little wand-thing (like you see on TV when pregnant people are getting a scan of the fetus); it takes a while, but it doesn't feel like much of anything.

Note: It's common, if you possess the relevant anatomy, for them to do what's called a transvaginal pelvic ultrasound along with the transabdominal one--that does indeed involve taking your pants off (and worse). It gives a better view of the ovaries, apparently, and it can be more convenient for them to go ahead and do that at the same appointment. But both my doctor and the technician who did the test were completely understanding and familiar with the concept that someone might not be up for that. All I had to do was hint to my doctor that I wasn't comfortable with the internal, and she said that was fine, we'd just do the transabdominal scan, and if that didn't provide enough information we'd talk about options based on whatever the findings were.

(The person at the central scheduling hotline, on the other hand, was kind of confused and kept trying to schedule me for the other thing, but honestly, I got the impression she was either very new to the job or just not the sharpest crayon in the box, bless her heart. Once I got in the room with the technician, she immediately grasped the situation and everything was fine.)

So it was all very easy and nontraumatic, and I probably should have had it done ages ago*. If you possess those organs, and are having pain or other symptoms in them that you've been hesitating to bring up** to a doctor because you're not comfortable having an internal exam, there are options available--hopefully your doctor will suggest it right off the bat, like mine did, but if not you can ask for it by name: transabdominal pelvic ultrasound.

(*I've got ovarian cysts, which is common and usually not a big deal, but if I'm reading the report correctly, mine are really quite surprisingly large. I haven't actually talked to the doctor about the results yet; with the holiday weekend it'll probably be Tuesday before I hear back.)

(**I didn't bring up the subject; the doctor felt something when she was palpating my abdomen during a routine physical, because of how fucking huge this cyst is. I should have brought it up.)

[rainbownixie]

do you have any enby mike wheeler headcanons? asking for a friend

your friend is very nice! please tell him he's one of my favorite mutuals if you see him! <3

and i have SO MANY enby mike headcanons omg- btw they're still in the 80s here.

obviously the first one is that he HATES the name "michael". he hates hearing it and writing it and always asks for people to call him just mike. he doesn't have any issues with the party, but it's hard being at home because karen always uses his deadname.

he comes out to, surprisingly, max first. because she's also enby (she isn't actually like openly enby, she just is) and won't stop complaining about her name and clothes and the way she hates people seeing her as a girl. mike would probably hear that and say "but you... are a girl..." and then max would respond with "i can be whatever the fuck i want. no one should tell us how to feel about ourselves". and there's a long, long silence until mike says "i think i'm not a boy, either". and max understands.

he borrows clothes from nancy. not too feminine stuff yet, because he doesn't want to stand out much, but he likes stuff like her shirts and pants and coats. she doesn't find out until one day where she catches him trying on one of her dresses. and mike is scared and tries to lie about it, but ends up confessing that he doesn't know who he truly is. nancy helps him with his makeover and supports him <3

mike actually ends up not liking too much feminine stuff. it makes him feel like a girl, and he isn't a girl. but he also doesn't want people to think he's a boy, because he isn't one either. so he mixes shirts and clothes to be more androgynous. but none of that helps because, what he truly wants is for people to see him as just... mike. and not a boy.

he doesn't care about clothes much, but having long hair helps him. he doesn't look like a girl but he doesn't look like a boy either. it's perfect.

he ends up coming out one day to the party in one of their sleepovers. they are playing dnd (max and el included) and he, besides being the dm, is also playing as the paladin (which is truly hard bc he's doing two things at once and dms don't really do that but idk make it a npc or something it's just a hc). and he tells the party that mike the paladin is, indeed, not a boy. or a girl. and he looks at his friends, begging for them to understand what he means. they're all in silence at first, but then dustin keeps playing as if nothing happened and the others follow. will smiles at him from the other side of the table.

when he starts dating will, mike is scared of will leaving him for being like this. which is a dumb thought, and he knows that. but he can't help but to stop wearing nancy's stuff or talking about his struggles because he just... wants to ignore it in case will won't like him anymore. when will asks, mike tells him the truth and will comforts him and tells him that, no matter what, he will always love him. he's his partner, and will loves that about him.

on dysphoric days he pretends to be sick to not go to school, and always calls will because he doesn't want him to worry. will always goes to his house after class to spend time with him and tries to distract him.

dustin always corrects everyone (even parents) who refers to the party as "guys" with "party". he says it's because he wants to include both max and el, but mike knows he does that for him.

when they play videogames and lucas is the one choosing, he always chooses a game that doesn't make you choose gendered characters. he knows mike has a hard time with that.

will holds his hand in class without other people noticing (i still can't get over the fact that they seat next to each other- robin move on it's been years since s2-) every time mr.clarke says his name.

max and him bond over that! they start hanging out to complain about their struggles being enby and they end up actually not hating each other! they enjoy their time together, tbh. and mike always says "max" is way cooler than "maxine".

dustin comes up with the idea of using they/them for max and mike, and they love it! mike ends up using all pronouns (mostly they/them, tho) and max asks for the party to use he/they!

i love the idea of karen actually noticing mike hates being called michael, so she starts calling him just mike. she also notices the way he now dresses (he only gets to do it at home or hanging out with the party- although it isn't very feminine either but- y'know- he doesn't want to get bullied in school) and says nothing about it. she just smiles, and mike feels so so loved.

will always avoids gendered pet-names and names for mike!

i could keep going but this is long enough i think!!! thanks for the ask <3 yours are always the best ones!

[lanawinterscigarettes]

Can you make a fix similar to your Kit one for Tate?

I'm assuming you mean my transmasc headcanons, considering that's the only other thing I've written lol. Apologies in advance if this is too similar to my Kit one <3

Tate Langdon dating someone who's transmasc

Warnings: slight transphobia, Constance Langdon, sexual innuendo, talk of violence/murder (it's Tate, what do you expect)

-He first saw you when you moved into the Murder House with your parents

-For the first couple of weeks, he doesn't iniate contact and just watched you from the shadows (the little creep)

-He'll surprisingly hold back, not wanting to potentially scare you off like he did with Violet

-Your first meeting will probably be in your yard, where he introduces himself as your neighbor who lives next door

-You googled the history behind the Murder House before you moved in, so you're able to sniff out his bullshit

-"Hi I'm Tate, I live next door"

-"How can you live next door if you're dead?"

-"..."

-"You're good"

-You instantly became friends, bonding over your similar taste in music and views on life

-Hanging out with each other all the time

-Until he starts distancing himself from you, that is

-You wonder if it has something to do with you until one night when you find him crying in the basement

-When you ask him what's wrong, he confesses to you that he's bisexual

-He then talks about his traumatic childhood, and how his mother would also scold him for looking at boys the same way he looked at girls

-This caused him to spiral into a pit of self hatred, which only got worse leading up to the events before his death

-You wipe away the tears running down his cheeks before pulling him into a tight hug

-"Aw Tate, why didn't you just tell me in the first place?"

-"Because I was worried you would leave me"

-"I could never leave you"

-Your relationship got much more personal after that

-You tell him you're trans shortly after you begin dating

-"Hey Tate, can I tell you something?"

-"Sure babe, what's up?"

-"I'm trans"

-"...could you elaborate?"

-"I'm a guy, but I was born in a girl's body"

-"Oh. I'm sorry about that"

-His indifference to your confession causes you to start crying

-"Do you still love me?"

-"Of course I do! I just wasn't sure how to react when you told me, please don't cry"

-He starts to cry too as he gives you a hug, not wanting you to feel alone

-Even though he accepts you, he doesn't understand everything that has to do with being trans (mostly since he died in the 90s) so you have to explain a lot of it to him

-"So a binder is something trans guys like yourself wear in order to flatten their chest and help them feel more comfortable in their body?"

-"Exactly! And it's important to not wear it for over than 8 hours, or you could cause serious damage to the muscle tissue in your breast, which can make it difficult or even impossible to have top surgery in the future"

-"Good to know! ....what's top surgery?"

-Like I said, you're going to have to explain it to him, but don't worry, you have a very enthusiastic student

-He probably goes on your laptop when you're not looking and orders a bunch of gay merch off of Amazon, which can come with complications involving your parents, especially if you're not out yet

-He promises to make it up to you later (in more ways than one 😏)

-Speaking of your parents, if you do come out and they don't accept you, the Murder House is going to end up having some more additions to it, courtesy of your lovely little Tater Tot

-That goes for everyone else who misdgenders you on purpose (*cough* Constance *cough*)

-And if he's around to see it happen? Let's just say she's going to have an appointment with a bullet come next Halloween

-On days where you're feeling especially dysphoric, he'll pop in some horror films and curl up next to you in order to distract you from it

-Tate tries to comfort you to the best of his ability, though sometimes it tends to backfire

-"I know how hard it is for you"

-"Actually it's not, that's the problem"

-"What do you mean-OH"

-For your anniversary he paints you a rose (like with Violet) in the color of the trans flag

-Making each other mixtapes, his including Nirvana songs and "Sweater Weather" by the Neighborhood

-Staying up late together talking about societal norms and the toxicity of gender roles when you can't sleep

-If you want top surgery, he'll hold off on killing you until you get it so you don't have to feel dysphoria in the afterlife

-He'll also protect you from the other ghosts so you won't have a premature death

-Honestly, he's the best ghost boyfriend you could ever have

[eyelessjackspersonalbodypillow]

Hi! Could I request BEN with a non binary trans masc S/O? Like how he deals with them on their bad dysphoric days and just some everyday stuff? I'm okay with nsfw if you want to include it. :)

Omg hi you’re my first request and I’m v excited cause I'm also trans masc B) its called drip smh, away anyway onto the headcanons! I also just got up and go on my laptop so forgive me if there are any spelling mistakes and such. Ben isn’t a character I work with that often if I’m being honest, butI’ll try my best for you anon! I’m going to have him aged up to 18 here but I’m not going to post any nsfw of him. <3 

Ben Drowned Headcanons

He's not as bad of a boyfriend than everyone would think. For a sadistic little fuck he's actually surprisingly soft with his s/o.

If you’re feeling bad or down he’ll lend you his hoodie and ask if you want to do something to get your mind off of it, like play video games or cuddle.

If you’re struggling with a bad dysphoric day he’ll try his best to comfort you, though he isn’t super good with emotions. 

He’ll try to make you laugh with things like, “babe I have a chest to babe, everyone has a chest” some of his jokes might come off as insensitive, but he can usually read your body language and will apologize if he realizes he made you uncomfortable. But if he makes you uncomfortable tell him, he’ll change up his act quickly.

He will find a way to distract you if jokes don’t work, Like he’ll offer to play video games with you. He's usually really picky with what games you guys play and often gets frustrated easily when it comes to gaming with other people, but he’ll try his best to be less of a dick.

He’ll try to reassure you that you look masc, He really loves you and wants to try his best to comfort you. If you start crying he’ll freeze up at first but he’ll pull you close and let you cry into his shoulder. He’ll probably stay silent and rub small circles on your back and mumble a few small things like “hey it's okay, I’m here” and ��its okay you can cry”

When it comes to everyday stuff, He mostly sits in his room and plays video games. He doesn’t like to leave his room either. He has the mindset of a 12-year-old, yet he's a legal adult.

Please make this man leave his room. You probably have to remind him to shower since he has an aversion to water. He’ll try to shower if you ask him. He loves you enough for that.

He’ll leave his room to see you through. 

He’ll straight up actually step out of his room and walked downstairs if he hears you in the large home. (I have headcanons for which pastas live in the mansion, ben is one of the ones who live in the mansion)

Most of the time he wants you to cuddle with him and eat snacks all day but if you want to go outside he will groan and agree to it, he somewhat enjoys outdoor activities as long as he's with you. 

He loves quality time with you, Though he likes his space and isolates himself a lot. He loves when you check up on him. He’ll leave you text messages throughout the day if you can’t come over at all.

[t4t4t]

Leah might have surgery within half a year and I'm honestly kind of scared that we won't have a consistent income enough by the time it happens because it has been surprisingly difficult for what seems like very little reason, or that a charity nearby wouldn't help us in time, even as we've been homeless for over ten months. longer than we hoped. we've been deeply suicidal daily for nearly the entire time, but it got much worse past december.

summer kinda helps weather wise, but now its getting too hot these days so we're having to cope in pathetic ways the days we don't have work, which has thus far been unpredictable. (too dysphoric to have found swimming clothes at all yet for quite some time, maybe we'll find something soon that would allow us but I doubt it). so like that a room to ensure proper recovery for the bottom surgery I'm scared might not happen in time. we were supposed to be able to save up rent money, at least that was the hope. the gofundme says 5200 and we have less than 3000 in the bank. thats supposed to be her ffs money, something she's more suicidally depressed about than her bottom surgery actually, although both definitely do, make her suicidally depressed. her gfm has been up for nearly a year now, a week or so to go more. she really hoped to have gotten it by next January, her birthmonth, but it's looking less likely with each passing day. :(

why I should feel ashamed for running out of food money for the both of the us and trying to ensure we don't starve. we feel like we're eating ourselves up alive. it's so terrible. we'll try to contact more help soon but like yeah. deeply afraid. wish someone who wasn't an organization would just help us directly, but we don't have any friends. I still don't know many helpful organizations or people here at all still. I wonder if someone hates us or has cursed us or something. Life has felt so alone.

[kiunlo]

lmao this is gonna be a fucking controversial post but whatever, not like i haven't done this shit before.

am i just the only one that has a weird and complicated relationship when it comes to reader-insert imagines/headcanon blogs???

Like, idk if i depends on the fandom or whatever but i've noticed that in my specific fandom (that i don't want to name) there's a huge focus on female reader-inserts over any other type of readers. which isn't inherently bad at all, but even if a particular blog focuses on keeping each reader insert "gender neutral"...you can tell that it's skewed heavily to be more relatable to cis women than it is to anyone else. which i do not think is on purpose, but it is something i've noticed.

I feel a lot like many reader-insert blogs try to be inclusive as they can by doing gender neutral reader inserts, or even trying to specify afab readers (never amab...surprisingly....) so it can be more inclusive to trans guys and nb people, but it clearly comes off as a half-hearted attempt when you start to actually read some of the content. like, as a trans guy i've never read a reader-insert that specifically specified an afab reader and NOT thought "yeah there's no way this is a trans guy". doesn't matter if it's a smutty reader-insert or not, it just really doesn't relate to me as a trans guy. at all.

like yeah, i know that whenever someone writes a reader-insert, there will always be someone that's going to be alienated because no one is ever going to have the exact same experiences, but if you're gonna specify an afab reader and not just a cis woman reader, you're including trans men and non-binary people under that category. and when transguys and enbies read your reader-insert and it feels way too cis-centric, it just feels like a half-hearted attempt at inclusion.

this is especially noticable in smutty ready-inserts, where an afab reader is specified, and sexual things happen on areas of the body that for many trans guys and enbies can be really dysphoric, but is obviously no issue for a cis woman.

tbh this is kind of the problem with even specifying "afab reader" in the first place. cis women, trans guys and enbies all fit under the same category as "afab" yet our experiences differ wildly due to our identity and experiences within that identity, and the way society treats us because of that identity. a trans man will not experience vaginal sex the same way a cis woman will, and neither will a cis woman experience vaginal sex the same way an enby will, etc. Many trans men and enbies don't even like or have vaginal sex at all because it's far too dysphoric for them. (I'm the exception to this rule, but that's not the point).

I can also quite clearly tell that when someone specifies a female reader, it's almost always a cis woman reader. I've not read many reader-inserts that specified a female reader that could be interpreted as being trans women, because they're often really focused on the body, which- again- tends to be very cis-centric.

like noah fence but it's just frustrating to read a reader-insert and feel like...ur being unrepresented. any male reader-inserts (which i find are already rare in and of themselves) are very cis-centric, and many "afab reader" inserts feel very much the same as a lot of the writers are cis women and cannot write trans men or enbies well.

and as i said before i cannot imagine how any trans women feel reading any reader-inserts that basically forgets their entire existence on this planet with "afab" essentially meaning "thats a woman" to these writers and there basically being no "amab" reader-inserts ever (which writers would eventually see as "thats a man" after a short while anyway)

im just so tempted to make my own stupid reader-insert headcanons/imagines blog for queer people and only queer people and everyone else would just have to suck it up and be mad about it. but also i don't want dumbass fandom members to be clowns on it either.

[gender-doodles]

Im having a really positive day in terms of body comfort. I stole my brother's basketball shorts and just chillin in those and a sports bra and surprisingly I'm not feeling dysphoric for once. *happy dance*

Nice! I’m feeling pretty good too, I’m oddly content with my body today even though im not binding or anything. I’m wearing a tight fitting tshirt and shorts yet I still feel nice. Having a break from dysphoria is such a good feeling....Spreading the good emotions~