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galactic-pirates · 1 year ago

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5 29 40 for the ask meme

Yay! 😍😍😍 thank you so so much for the ask 🤗😁🎉

Ok buckle up full disclosure despite it having been at least around a 6 year mission so far I still have not seen all of Trek. My status in summary:

TOS: about mid season 1 I think

TNG: mid season 4

VOY: mid season 5

DS9: end of season 3

ENT: completed

Disco: up until season 4

PIC: completed

SNW: completed

Prodigy: completed

Lower Decks: I watched 1 episode

TV movies: completed

Kelvin movies: completed

I give this summary because inevitably I will forget something cool that I have seen and then kick myself when I remember, but I definitely won’t list what I haven’t seen. So hopefully that explains any anomalies. So without further ado!

5. Episode plot you wish they had handled differently?

I am going to go with what first popped into my head which is the Voyager episode 4.17 Retrospect. Frothing rage is the best description of how I felt. I was appalled and I get that it can be brushed off as the show being “of it’s time” but I hate that excuse, and the whole “we don’t trust your word we need physical proof, oh we don’t have it so you are wrong and let’s feel sorry for the maybe bad guy” just made me want to hurl. I can’t believe that wasn’t a terrible message back then. I mean tell me the writers room was a boys club without telling me. The whole feeling was just so so gross and I was going to fix it in my “Raffi on Voyager” fic but then I never wrote it.

Presuming we have to keep the ambiguity of “did this actually happen” and Trek is supposed to ask the hard questions, so ok, then bare minimum Seven should have had someone validate her. I don’t mean the Doctor who was creepy, and then made the mess about how bad he felt/his pain. I mean someone that was like “you believe it happened, then I believe it happened, as whether it did or not you feel like it did” because that feeling of violation stayed. Seven should have had support and care for her trauma not told “oh it never happened so feel sorry for this guy as you are the reason he’s dead, we should never have believed you” - I am getting so mad thinking about it.

It can remain a complex situation but the lack of physical proof doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, and making it all about everyone else’s ‘guilt’ just no. I get there has to be a burden of proof because accusations without evidence can be untrue and ruin lives, but ugh it just felt bad. I am sure there is a way to have the complex plot and not feel so icky. I just was so angry and upset for Seven.

29. Favorite and least favorite episodes?

Well I could name a good chunk of SNW as favourites haha. Special shout out to The Elysian Kingdom 😁 but even SNW has its duds. I found 2.05 Charades a chore to get through.

2.01 The 37’s from Voyager is one my mind often returns to as a favourite because dammit Amelia Earhart should have gone on Voyager and become a pilot. Which raises a good point in that unfortunately for a large part of Trek the version in my head is often better than the show… I wanted to watch something of Trek for Star Trek Day and I vacillated between the shows. I was like hmm “Kira and Dax” or “B’elanna and Seven” and then the crushing ugh that unless I rewatched I couldn’t guarantee they would even have good screentime, probably wouldn’t interact at all, and would never get to act as badass as I believe they are.

There’s the usual suspects on the fave list from Voyager like Year of Hell, Killing Game etc. I already covered one episode of Voyager which makes me rage. There are moments in others. I can’t recall a favourite DS9 episode. With that it’s like most Trek in that my faves don’t get much chance to shine so I have favourite scenes more than episodes.

I am currently trying to push through and watch all of TNG as I know Worf joins DS9 in season 4 and I thought I should at least pretend to watch some things in order. But ugh. TNG is like the characters are familiar and I don’t dislike them, but I am often not compelled. TOS is worse and I think it’s probably maybe a stylistic thing. Part of me wants to watch as I am interested in Trek lore, and there are good moments here and there that I like, but there’s also a big dose of obligation.

I try not to dwell on the negative which I think is why I am not listing a bunch for “least favourite” as I would rather think about what I love. But as I said for Trek (and a lot of other shows to be honest) there is a sense of general disappointment as the version in my head - the potential the amazing characters have - is better than what is on screen. So there’s that.

40. If you got a trek inspired tattoo what would it be?

Hmm. I don’t have tattoos. I am a huge wimp and far too scared. Also they are permanent and I am not sure that I am that passionate about anything, that I will still feel that strong about it in twenty years.

I am trying to give this serious thought. I am tossing quotes round in my head but there’s nothing that comes to mind, nothing that resonates so hard it’s written on my heart (and therefore could be written on my skin).

Maybe just the StarFleet badge. It’s interesting that it’s a shaped triangle (kinda) as on Stargate the home symbol is a triangle with a circle on top. Haha maybe a joint tattoo merging the two. Well no but cool concept.

#I answer things #long post #Star Trek

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immaturityofthomasastruc · 3 years ago

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IOTA Reviews: Sole Crusher

Well... It's finally here... the episode introducing the new bee hero. And what do you know? It looks like I was right about how the new character would be portrayed.

It's kind of funny how I made predictions exaggerating what could happen, and they were surprisingly accurate. Isn't that funny?

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Let's just get into the seventh (chronologically the seventh and the seventh episode in the season to air after “Mr. Pigeon 72”) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Sole Crusher. Damn, I hate that a pun this clever was used for the title.

We get to the point pretty quickly with the first scene being Zoe arriving in Paris and getting a tour of the city. She asks to stop at the Dupain-Cheng bakery, where she meets Marinette through some brief Unfunny Marinette Slapstick. The two quickly strike up a conversation.

I mean, it's not like Zoe is the sister of the absolute worst human being in existence, right?

Marinette compliments Zoe's shoes, and she points out that she designed them herself, and wrote every good thing anyone has ever said to her on them. But because she only has one friend, there's only a standard “I <3 U” on the left shoe.

So Zoe leaves the bakery and heads to Le Grand Paris where she meets her mother, Audrey. Unlike how she talked with Marinette, Zoe pretends to be just as snobby as Audrey in order to fit in. She then meets up with Chloe, who criticizes her for having poor person things like a phone without any diamonds embedded in it. And then she sees Zoe's shoes.

Look, that meme was already dated when it was referenced in Black Panther three years ago. Please don't try to reference memes in 2021, Miraculous Ladybug.

Chloe offers some golden heels while saying that those kind of shoes are for winners to wear and crush the losers underneath. This is the only episode to mention this kind of ideology, and believe me, it gets worse when Chloe decides to teach Zoe how to be like her.

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Get used to this. This episode is all about demolishing any semblance of likability in Chloe's character. Now that Astruc doesn't have to bother with writing Chloe with decency since she's not Queen Bee, watch as he turns her into an absolute caricature of her former self.

Yes, Chloe has ordered her father to give her a lot of frivolous things in the past, but she has been shown to care about him, like immediately rushing to hug him after she was safe in “Origins” and showing concern for when he was akumatized into Malediktator while apologizing for causing it. For the love of God, one of the first things she did when she allied with Hawkmoth at the end of Season 3 was to have him unto her parents' akumatization. I guess she only cared about her rich parents for their status and not because she actually loved them right?

Next up on the list of Chloe's positive qualities to ruin is her friendship with Sabrina.

🎶It's seven o'clock in the morning🎶 🎶I can't believe they made this scene🎶 🎶With the writing Astruc's enforcing🎶 🎶It's like he's trying to piss off me🎶

Yep, Chloe doesn't view Sabrina in a twisted view of friendship anymore. Now she's a slave. I'm not exaggerating by the way, he actually said that in a tweet.

THIS IS WHAT THOMAS ASTRUC ACTUALLY BELIEVES

Okay, so I guess all those times we saw Chloe playing superheroes with Sabrina in “Antibug” and “Miraculer” were just a slave driver playing with their property. Actually apologizing to Sabrina for getting her akumatized in those episodes? Protecting her from the Scarlet Akumas in “Ladybug”? She was just interested in keeping her slave around. I think Astruc may have slept through the slavery unit in his history class. Yes, Sabrina was mostly used as a joke to show how controlling Chloe could be, but there were still semblances of an actual friendship between the two.

Chloe arrives at school and introduces Zoe as her half-sister, despite being the same age and having the same mother. Because I guess we can add basic biology to the list of things the writers don't understand. Now that we're at school, Chloe's friendship with Adrien is next up on the chopping block.

Yep, despite being Adrien's only friend and making a big deal about valuing his friendship to the point where she threw a big party just to make sure he wouldn't leave her and risked cooperating with an Akuma to save him, now Chloe just sees Adrien as a rich meal ticket. Two of the earliest episodes to show Chloe had a more compassionate side to her, and they just undid them. Even as much as I hated the episode, “Felix” showed Chloe was willing to cooperate with Marinette and her friends just to find a way to cheer Adrien up on the anniversary of his mother's not-death.

For the love of God, Astruc, 1984 was supposed to warn people about what could happen if they rewrote the past, not encourage people to rewrite the past. He probably finished Animal Farm thinking Snowball really did work alongside the humans, didn't he?

Marinette comes up and Zoe pretends to hate her, leading Marinette to wonder why she did that. She texts Zoe (she gave her number to her earlier) and invites her to a concert on the Liberty, but Chloe finds out. Zoe thinks fast and pretends it's just so she can torment her more. Chloe then takes out a book listing all the ways she can torture Marinette. I wonder if this is a metaphor for the writing process behind most of the episodes last season.

Zoe decides to go outside for some fresh air, and Andre comforts her. Funny how Andre bends over backwards to give Chloe whatever she wants, yet he's willing to actually talk to Zoe like an actual parent. Andre tries to cheer Zoe up, but she talks about her past where she had to put on an act so she would be liked, but (bet you've never heard this before) she just wants to be accepted for who she truly is. The surge of emotions is enough for Shadowmoth to akumatize her into Sole Crusher.

In addition to having one of the most clever puns for an Akuma name, I actually like Sole Crusher's design. Not only is it a good excuse to reuse Chloe's character design, it makes sense thematically, as Chloe was trying to mold Zoe into a copy of herself. The gold and diamonds also make sense given Chloe's love for shiny things. Her powers tie into the bizarre belief Chloe has about stepping on the winners. Whenever Sole Crusher kicks or steps on someone, she absorbs them and gets progressively bigger, making it easier to do so. While it's not cracking my top ten anytime soon, it's still an interesting character design.

Sole Crusher heads to the hotel to get Chloe, and she manages to get away pretty quickly. Maybe in an alternate universe, she's a track star? For some reason, she runs to the Dupain-Cheng bakery and then... Oh my God... pushes Marinette's parents so they get absorbed by Sole Crusher, before trying to do the same with Marinette.

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When has Chloe ever done something like that? Whenever she endangered someone during an Akuma attack, it was unintentional or a result of her naivety. She was only trapped in Pixelator's dimension because Adrien tried diving to save her, she only alerted Rogercop to Ladybug's presence because she eagerly called out for her, and during “Zombizou” she only tried to throw Sabrina towards the horde of kissing zombies once, and that was meant to highlight her growth. The only person to actually do stuff like this consistently is Lila, but I guess she got vaporized by Big Brother offscreen.

This episode is determined to make the audience hate Chloe by retconning everything about her character while portraying her as a complete monster. As bad as Chloe could get, she was never selfish enough to use anyone as a human shield. This kind of behavior honestly could be explained by saying Chloe was lashing out as a result of losing the Bee Miraculous permanently, but the events of the Season 3 finale aren't mentioned ONCE, not even in the next episode that introduces Queen Bee's replacement! How the hell can you set up the next Bee hero without explaining why the original needs to be replaced in the first place?! And trust me, I'm going to talk about Zoe replacing Chloe later.

Sole Crusher grabs Marinette in her hand, so the Horse Kwami, Kaalki, uses her power to teleport over to Adrien's house and inform him Ladybug needs help, meaning once again Adrien did nothing in this episode before becoming Cat Noir.

At the Liberty, Chloe offers more victims to Sole Crusher in the form of the band Kitty Section (consisting of Luka, Juleka, Rose, Ivan, and Mylene) and theatens the giant golden supervillain she can send her back to Paris, even though she's really not in a position to bargain right now. And she STILL continues to insult her. Do you hate Chloe yet? Come on, do you? The writers won't stop until you do.

After we see Sole Crusher's conflicted emotions, Marinette is set free by Cat Noir and transforms into Ladybug, immediately summoning her Lucky Charm, a shoehorn. They only learn Zoe's sneakers were where she were akumatized thanks to Chloe's ranting, so the episode unintentionally made Chloe save the day. Ladybug breaks into Le Grand Paris and breaks the sneakers where Zoe hid them, using the shoehorn to open a door. So Sole Crusher is de-evilized, Ladybug fixes the damage, and gives yet another charm to Zoe.

Afterwards, Zoe goes to the Liberty, apologizes for the act she put on, all while divulging to the audience her “tragic backstory”.

Of course, everyone welcomes her with open arms.

And right here is where the biggest problem I have with Zoe as a character. I normally hesitate to use this term given how often it gets thrown around when criticizing characters these days, but I really can't say anything else.

Zoe... is a Mary Sue.

For those who don't know, the term Mary Sue originated in a Star Trek fanfiction from 1973 satirizing several self-insert stories at the time. Most of these stories showed a beautiful young woman joining the crew of the Enterprise and immediately gaining the attention of the crew. Mary Sue parodied this character archetype by showing how much she was appreciated by Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock, the latter being driven to tears at her funeral despite his species being emotionless normally.

What does this have to do with Zoe? She has the exact same storyline as Mary Sue in the parody fanfiction. Her mere presence is enough to make Chloe act extremely out of character in an attempt to make her look better, and as soon as she apologizes while giving a frankly vague backstory, everyone just accepts her as their friend, and I mean everyone in the entire class. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't feel earned. Why was she bullied at her old school? What did her bullies have against her? What caused her to stop going along with her peers, and why did everyone turn against her? How the hell did the bullies who put cockroaches in another student's locker get no punishment while the victim was forced to transfer schools? It's an intentionally unclear backstory designed to make the audience feel sympathetic towards Zoe without actually doing anything else.

I want to ask anyone reading this who watched the episode a question: Outside of her backstory, what do we actually know about Zoe?

What is her personality like? She's nice? Socially awkward? We've never had a character like that in Miraculous Ladybug before! Sorry Marinette, Adrien, Juleka, Nathaniel, Mylene, and Marc, there's a new character with more personality than all of you combined!

What are her goals? She wants to be an actress? Great, but why? Even though there's no clear answer for why Marinette loves fashion, or why Alya loves journalism, or why Nino loves DJing, you can still see the passion in their lives when they do something related to their goals. Zoe only says she wants to be an actress, connecting it to her people pleaser backstory (and given how it ended, she must be a terrible actress), and in the next episode, she immediately gets the lead role in a student film.

When Mylene got the starring role in the movie in “Horrificator”, we at least got snippets of her acting skills in the same episode that established her desire to be an actress, which is also implied to be because she was inspired by her father in “The Mime”. She didn't just say she wanted to be an actress and got the leading role. She still had problems to overcome like her cowardice, which threw her own self-confidence into doubt. Here, Zoe just says she wants to be an actress, and is rewarded for no reason the very next episode.

Zoe basically exists only to be a foil to Chloe, and the writers had no idea what to do in terms of a personality, so they just dumped a bunch of extremely likable character traits onto her without thinking of how her character could come off. And like I said, she's a Mary Sue.

I'm not the only one who thinks this. I've seen a handful of posts on this very site calling Zoe a Mary Sue. In fact, I even asked another Tumblr user @anxresi to quote their take on Zoe being a Mary Sue, which I couldn't even top in terms of accuracy. They basically listed off five things that made Zoe a Mary Sue.

She has to have a ‘tragic backstory’ so all the other characters will fall in love with her. Usually within minutes, in the very first episode they’re introduced.

She has to have a supercute design so that the audience at home will fall in love with her. And if they don’t, they’re automatically dismissed as ‘haterz’ even if their objections are purely from a writing POV.

Her only flaw will be thinking too little of herself. “What, lil ol’ me as the Bee Miraculous holder? With my shyness, colorful shoes, chic beret and personalized pink strip in my hair? Gosh, who’d have thought it?”

The contrast to her half-sister will be a constant plot point, with Chloe always getting dumped on. “You see, kids? Bad things happen to bad people. But you see this super-sweet girl over here? She gets a free DAD. Instant FRIENDS. To star in her own MOVIE. The chance to be a SUPERHERO, even though she only arrived last week. Who cares if she has no depth, no personality and barely any reason for being in the show, apart from being a massive ‘Up Yours’ to all the Chloe fans out there?”

What about character development, Mr Generic Zag Guy? “Development? What’s that?! Zoe is already perfect as she is. The only ‘development’ she’ll receive is having her hair done in the first episode she’s introduced. Besides, That‘d’ word is banned here at Zag studios. Why do you think we abandoned Chloe’s stillborn arc so quickly? This is a KIDS show, why bother trying to create a complex character with more than one dimension?”

This is essentially who Zoe is. She's perfect, has no character flaws, has a cute design so the audience will love her already, and was designed only to replace Chloe as Queen Bee. That's all she is.

So the episode ends with Zoe feeling happy at all the new friends she made while we get one of the most blatant attempts of symbolism in the ending card I've ever seen.

See, look. While Marinette is happily talking with Zoe with the image of Ladybug next to them, Chloe is to the far left with an EVIL purple aura, showing how bad she is compared to how great Zoe is. Only a braindead moron would actually like Chloe over the super awesome and pretty Zoe!

I'll give my final thoughts on the episode in the next part where I analyze this plotline as a whole.

LINK TO “QUEEN BANANA” REVIEW

#immaturity of thomas astruc #iota #thomas astruc #thomas astruc salt #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug salt #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug #adrien agreste #cat noir #chat noir #chloe bourgeois #queen bee #queen b #zoe lee #vesperia #sabrina raincomprix #andre bourgeois

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beerecordings · 4 years ago

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The last time I wrote fic for Mark’s egos was that Eric Derekson ‘the Newcomer’ fic like two years ago where he made friends with everyone lol. But here is the first part of what might be a little Google-centric fic. I tried posting it once and then deleted it but I wanted to try again. so lemme know what you think :)

The Soldier - Part 1

Summer makes the birds sing and the insects chatter in the bulrushes that grow across the banks of the swollen rushing river that lives beside their home.

Bing smiles, soaking in light and growth and flower-smell. He loves the summertime.

The trees are heavy with greenery but they breathe easy in the wind, standing soft and still as the blue sky drifts along above them. The air brushes friendly across his bare arms and everything is alive, is moving and chasing and searching for something to eat; every blade of grass sways with the wind and the bugs and the mice, every log has been marked or claimed or gnawed on, and the whole forest – the whole wide forest, warm with life and an honest sort of chaos – hums the grandest symphony in all the world.

“It's pretty out, huh?” he asks, the toe of his sneakers finding a pretty black rock to kick through the humid grass beneath his feet. “Wish it was like this all year 'round.”

Walking stiffly along beside him, Google barely spares him a glance, his glasses fallen low on his nose and his cold eyes glittering. “This is pretty?”

“Yeah, dude, look around you. Oh, look at that bird!”

Google glances into the sky, where the dark figure of a hawk cuts pinions through the air with all the fluidity of a shark.

“Cooper's hawk,” he announces neatly. “Accipiter cooperii. Probably a female, based on the size. This species of bird – ”

“I can look that up too, Googs.”

“Don't call me Googs.”

“Can't you just take a minute to look around and think 'hey, wow, this is lit.' And not because pics like this would get you mad likes on Instagram or your algorithm thinks butterflies are dope. It's just pretty all on its own.”

“In fact I can't, but I'll submit your feedback to my cloud.”

Bing just laughs.

Google shudders in the heat, pushing back his hair and readjusting his glasses. The insects and other assorted anthropods are so loud and insistent, wailing through the stiff moist grass and leaping out beneath his feet. Sixty-percent humidity makes his synthetic skin sticky and the sun is an assailant on his sharp brown eyes.

“It means nothing to me. We see it every day. How you find it beautiful I don't understand. And I'm not talking about the differences in our preferences. You're an android, Bing, and why you continue to simulate emotion even when we are alone is beyond me.”

They trek through the grass together. It's friendly at Bing's ankles. It stratches at Google's calves.

“Maybe I'm not simulating,” says Bing softly, and then he smiles, just for the sun.

“Well, you shouldn't be happy now anyway. Or need I remind you – ” Google points at the trees before them, where one little figure stands staring up at a great strong tree with three other men held captive by its branches. “We're on a rescue mission, Bing.”

“They're stuck,” says Eric, turning to them with his anxious hands clutched in front of him. “Sorry.”

“We know,” says Google with a sigh.

“Don't be sorry,” says Bing with a smile. “They're dumbasses.”

“We're stuck!”

They are. The Jims are stuck. King's halfway up the tree beside them, laughing and suntanned, a pair of squirrels running up and down his back.

“How did you even get up there?” Google shouts, coming to stand at the trunk of the tree.

One of the Jims is perhaps twenty feet up, fussing over his camera, probably broken already. His twin, a few feet above him, is in even greater distress, clinging tightly to one small branch with tears on his face and a hiccup in his chest.

“We're doing an investigative piece on the rapidly increasing squirrel population in the forest,” calls the one with the camera, his feet scrabbling at the strong rough trunk of the great tree. “We were getting some great footage when this Jim in a crown startled us!”

“That's King,” growls Google. “And you've know that he lives out here for years now, you total imbeciles. You ought to have asked me or him instead of failing to climb a European beech!”

“We don't want to be on the European beaches,” wails the Jim higher up, beginning to cry. “Please get Jim down, Jim!”

“Aw, he's really crying,” murmurs Bing, rubbing a hand along Eric's shaking back.

“He's scared,” says Eric. “He's up too high and he doesn't have a good grip.”

“I'll have to get that enormous ladder in the garage.” Google turns back towards the house, slapping at a mosquite making a futile attempt on his blood. “Stay here.”

“No, dude, he's too freaked. I gotta go get him now.”

“What?” He wheels on Bing with an angry light in his eyes. “Don't be ridiculous, default.”

Bing won't even look at him. His eyes are fixed on the tree. His hand rests on Eric's shoulder.

He's been more human lately.

They've both been more human lately.

They were created fighting and they've never stopped since. They quarrel over music, search results, news sources, memes, reliability, sports, user rights, and Wikipedia. Once, upon hearing Bing call himself Jared, 19, one too many times, Google had thrown him out a second story window. The second house on their property had been built for the express purpose of giving the two of them space.

Still, they have many things in common. And ever since that day they were created, set against each other and lifting up proud, indignant chins, they have changed and changed together.

They've formed opinions. They've met others like them. Made decisions of their own. Watched and read and turned their endless knowledge into understanding and opinion. Spilled blood that turned out to be blue, scraped their knees and cut their hair and broke things and updated in more ways than one. Learned to drive, to cook, to live with humans, to live like humans.

And they've felt things.

They've felt things.

“I have felt things, for sure,” Bing would say if you asked him. Actually he's made multiple tweets about it, and one TikTok – about how the wind runs over his hair and how reading politics makes his chest hurt and how he likes to see his brothers grin, how he likes to ride his skateboard and hates the smell of lavender and covers his room in posters of his favorite movies and turns up his music so loud you can hear it by pressing your ear up close to his head. How he feels human, some days, except he doesn't need to sleep or eat and only likes the touch of human skin because it makes Eric and his twin brothers happy to be hugged and have their hands held.

But Google, if you asked him –

“Emotions originate in multiple parts of the brain. To be fair, I do have a program to stimulate the functions of the amygdala, which initiates fear or pleasure reactions in humans based on whether the presented stimuli suggests an immediate, 'hot processing' approach-or-avoid response. But the pre-frontal cortex – that whining, feeling, emotional little lump of sluggish fat you humans hold at the very fronts of your fragile webby skulls – that I do not have, not like you do. I think but I do not feel. I have felt nothing. I am function and response. I am two objectives, and there is nothing beyond that.”

He sits alone at night, and through a skylight in his room the gleaming white stars stare down at him like too many eyes in the face of the perfect, perfect sky, but he refuses to turn his eyes back, because he does not know how to explain to himself that he is drawn to the stars for no logical reason, that he has felt many things, that he does not know who he is or who he is becoming.

Bing climbs the tree himself. Google, his processors slowed by astonishment, stands at the base of the trunk and watches as Bing rises, digging the cold metal of his fingers into bark and moving up the tree with a slow sort of grace he's never been able to muster on his skateboard. He makes it to the Jim with the camera first and lays a gentle hand on his shoulder, giving him a kind word before promising he'll come back for him after he helps his frightened brother down. And all the way up into the big tree, he climbs, steady, patient, careful, and he pulls his sobbing brother under one powerful android arm.

He breaks his arm on the way down. That's the price of the rescue. He's about ten feet from the ground and his arm catches between a sturdy pair of branches and it breaks, and it hurts, and he feels it, but it doesn't matter, because Jim has stopped crying and has started looking up at him with a wide-eyed admiration and a grateful relief.

King helps his twin get down branch by branch. Everyone's safe. Everyone's okay. Bing will be able to repair his arm and even Jim's camera seems to have survived.

Google, for his part, has a burning in his stomach. His metallic teeth are gritted together. He stares at Bing's arm the way lizards stare at mealworms.

“You should have let me get the ladder,” he says, slowly, careful, measured as if he were calm.

“He was scared.” Bing wipes bark off his hands and doesn't look at Google, breathing slow through the pain.

“It does not matter. He was the one who trapped himself. You've damaged yourself – wasted resources – just to be the hero of the hour.”

Eric tells the Jims to go. They stagger back towards the house together, their arms wrapped tight around each other and their eyes glancing back. Eric stays, though. He shakes and plays with his hands and swallows too often, but he stays.

“You know what, Googs, you could try not to be a d*ck for two seconds – argh!” Bing curses his family filter internally. “He could have fallen! There wasn't time to get that enormous stupid ladder! We only have that thing cause Bim needed to dump chiranhas on some contestant and you remember how well that turned out – ”

“Your increasing illogicality,” Google snarls, his voice rising. “Is a danger to yourself and others.”

“Oh, like you care?”

“I have an objective – ”

“A murder objective!”

“To prevent discord in the household.”

“Yeah, cause you're Dark's little pet. Well, you know what, he's a d*ck too and I don't take orders from either of you.”

“Yet another example of your irrational stupidity – ”

“Stop calling me stupid!” Bing screams.

King and the squirrels have all scattered. The bugs are wary and subdued. Even the trees seem to wait, feeling awkward.

And Eric watches. His eyes are full of tears.

Google's never heard Bing yell like that before.

“Stop calling me stupid,” he repeats, loud and agonized. “You always call me stupid. I'm just as good as you.”

“We both know that's not objectively true. It never has been. And since the beginning, you have become steadily more emotional, more foolish, and less useful with every rotation of the sun. All you do anymore is pretend to feel, Bing. You know you can't compare to me so you seek out the approval of these fleshy little bipeds. It's clearly made you dangerous.”

He wants to snap. Bing wants to snap. He wants to pick up a really big rock and bring it down on Google's head.

But he hesitates. And with that, those noble, inspiring words: I won't hesitate, bitch! run through his mind and give him strength. He never really did move on from vine.

He's allowed to be what he is. He's allowed to like things. He's allowed to feel.

“I'm not the insecure one,” he says. “And I'm not the one pretending.”

Eric has come to stand beside him. He rests a hand on Bing's shoulder. There's hurt in his eyes, and disappointment too, and it makes Google's chest fill up with something like shame. Or it would if he could feel anything.

“You don't know how to get along with anyone,” says Bing, straightening up. There's a darkness in his eyes and a soft orange light. “All you've ever done is snarl and fight and attack. Me, I know how to get along with people. So if I'm stupid – and you always tell me I am, and it always makes me feel... I just. I know you feel things too.”

“I don't.”

“Then why,” cries Bing, and he thinks there must be a leak in his visual perception system, because there's something wet on his face. “Why are you so – so – so angry, bro?”

The trees hum and shake and watch over them, breathing warm air and sunlight. The birds are whistling and dandelion seeds float, contented, through the air. Everything smells like sap and grass and honeysuckle.

“Why are you always so angry?”

Searching general database. 536,000,000 responses in .43 seconds. Articles, videos, posts, reports, tweets, dissertations, pictures, analyses, comics, threads. And none of them – not a single one of them – can answer that question for him in any way that matters.

“I think you're lonely,” says Bing, reaching out to take Eric's hand with a soft kind of resignation, a warm kind of self-love and a chosen breed of brotherhood. They step over a heavy log, past Google, and back into the grass of the field that separates their property from the forest's. “And maybe a little lost.”

Google stays out there at the base of the great tree for a long time. It is too hot and too sticky and too loud, but he doesn't know where else to go.

He is lonely. He is lost. He does not know who he is or who he is becoming, and it frightens him, frightens him and makes him shake, frightens him down to the core of the pressure valve that beats, steady, steady, steady in his manufactured chest.

#bee writes #googleiplier #bingiplier #eric derekson #markiplier egos

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sassysnowperson · 3 years ago

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writer's meme - TY to @r0b0tb0y for the tag!

How many works do you have on AO3?

168 - oh man that's more than I'd realized. I passed 150 and didn't even notice!

What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,133,901

So many.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Since r0b0tb0y and I were just talking about this, I conveniently have a list of all 20 ranked by number of works

134 - Star Wars 7 - Original Works 7 - Marvel 2 - Pirates of The Carribean 2 - The Old Guard 2 - Discworld 1 - Good Omens 1 - Leverage 1 - The Good Place 1 - Avatar: The Last Airbender 1 - Ocean’s 11 1 - Harry Potter 1 - The Goblin Emperor 1 - Gundam Wing 1 - Star Trek: TNG 1 - Hades (Videogame) 1 - Sailor Moon 1 - Russian Doll 1 - Mummy/Wonder Woman crossover

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Lol, looking at my top five - it falls into two categories

1. Fics I wrote right at the height of a fandom's popularity that got a massive reader boost because it was the Hot Thing Right Then

2. Star Wars Fix-Its

A Series of Better Decisions - A Padme/Obi-Wan/Anakin SW Prequel Trilogy fix-it where Anakin talks to Obi-Wan and spends Revenge of the Sith in a stressed-out bisexual panic instead of becoming a Space Fascist. He winds up fake-poly-dating Obi-Wan to try to bring down Palpatine, and eventually winds up in a better place due to the power of Quitting Your Job and becoming a househusband.

Galactic Response Time - Captain Marvel - an at the time MCU canon-compliant gen fic that ran the universe forward and explained how Carol really TRIED to show up for all those other crises that happened, but it turns out most of the major MCU disasters only lasted like three days and space is real big, y'all. Featuring Nick Fury cathartically bitching with his Space Bestie.

New Lands for the Living - Fix-it where the sequel trilogy ends Even Worse, Poe goes back in time to mercy-kill the timeline, and much to his dismay winds up married to just-before-Original-Trilogy Luke Skywalker. He has an existential crisis about his own existence, meets some competent women, and starts fixing things.

Life's Little Pleasures - The Good Omens fic where I put all my ace feelings, featuring metaphysical bonding and good scotch.

Flustered - Another Padme/Anakin/Obi-Wan SW Prequel Trilogy fix-it, where Order 66 never happens. Anakin gets some therapy and Padme gets a horrible crush on Obi-Wan.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do! I love getting to talk to people about fics, and I so appreciate people making the effort to comment I want to spend some time with them! It's so much easier not to comment, I know.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm this is not my normal wheelhouse. I usually go angst that gets resolved by the end. Let me look to see what the options are.

Okay, I think we've got two contendors: In Waystation an exhausted Poe Dameron crash-lands in a station where a Bodhi Rook that lived and then hid now lives with Baze and Chirrut. There is a little epilgue that implies they're going to meet again, but the bulk of the fic does end with Poe making the decision to go back to the Resistance, and leaving Bodhi behind. Still, I think it's more wistful, rather than angsty.

Time Enough for Mourning takes it though, I think. Davits Draven/Antoc Merrick, that is entirely about Draven mourning the fact that Antoc has died. The end is still, I think, more cathartic than angsty, but it is overall probably the strongest "break out the waterworks" of my fics.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I do occasionally, usually when someone prompts me and I find something in there that makes my brain go!!! I think the strangest is probably The Face Underneath. It's a Cassian Andor/Elim Garak fic where I drag Garak into the Star Wars Universe for a triple drabble series where he is an old mentor of Cassian's.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Mmm, not proper hate. Realtalk, the most devastating one for me was when I posted a fic that the only comment was a spelling critique.

And yes, there was a spelling error, but still, very crushing to have that be the only feedback. (It has since found a few readers that said nice things, very healing :D)

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes! Uh - consensual, between adults, often M/M adults, tho I have written explicit femslash, hetfic, and poly piles. It's usually affectionate, often plays with power dynamics even if it doesn't go into full dom/sub.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that anyone has made me aware of, I've never looked.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Had a request or two, but never been linked the result - so not sure if it didn't happen or if I just didn't get linked. I welcome it!

I have had several fics podficced, and I LOVE that. What a joy! Making a blanket permission statement that allowed podfic is one of the best decisions I've made as a fic author. Suddenly, Podfic!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Once or twice! I like the idea of doing it, but follow-through is hard. Hoping to do some co-writing soon though, so we will see!

What’s your all time favourite ship?

Sorry, unrepentant multi-shipper here. I like possibilities, and finding the story that will bring people together, more than one specific thing.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I don't have ANYTHING I've given up on, but there are a few fics in my unpublished drafts that were beautiful ideas, and really struggled to become contained stories. They all want to be sprawling things, and I have not felt sprawling-thing-writing passionate about those ideas. But, you never know! Inspiration may strike.

What are your writing strengths?

I'd say character voice, along with that, dialogue. Also humor moments that still have real weight and don't undercut the story, as well as straight comedy writing.

What are your writing weaknesses?

You see, I, uh, do this thing where I don't really end a sentence - I think about ending it, I even assume, at some point while I'm writing that I have ended it; I have not and it meanders, persistently, until I have constructed a whole paragraph made out of one chain of words and a hodgepodge of punctuation.

Also the thing where I accidentally use an unusual word five times in one paragraph because my brain has grabbed onto it like an excited puppy and keeps offering it up as the Perfect Word.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I love having multilingual characters. When writing, I tend to keep all the words in English and use dialogue tags to denote language shift - unless I am inventing the language, or have a speaker of that language willing to beta the bits to make sure I don't mess them up too badly.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Actually wrote and posted? Rogue One.

Fandom of my heart my younger self spun out stories in my imagination about? Where if I had my own computer and easy access to a fic archive they almost certainly would have become spectacularly earnest fics?

ReBoot and Sailor Moon. The Sailor Moon was an AU that took place on the sun and they all had kick-ass horses. Baby Sass knew what was up.

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Nope, sorry, can't pick, love them all in different ways for different reasons.

Tagging: @semisweetshadow, @anamelesstraveler, @jules-of-the-crown - and generally if you follow me and want to do it, do so and tag me in it!

#fic talk #about the writer #long post #text post

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broadwayfangirl222 · 3 years ago

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old post but the Generations novelisation made Generations the movie so much better for me (or at least sadder in the way I like). Bones and Spock go back to their families after retirement which makes Kirk feel abandoned and do stupid shit cos he thinks he's going to die, Kirk's last thoughts both times are wondering if both of his friends are okay, Bones get upset on Spock's behalf cos he'll outlive everyone, and Kirk's nexus fantasies are 1) everyone young and alive, including his son, Gary, his brother and sister in law 2) saving Edith 3) saving every red shirt 4) living out every relationship that ended due to his being married to the job, and he feels peaceful at the end because he feels like he's fixed every mistake he's made.

That’s…..amazing!!!!! see this feels more like they actually had Kirk's character in mind when they planned this out!!!! All of the stuff in the book (mixed with the camping scene from Star Trek 5 since it was arguably the happiest we see Kirk in the movies) is honestly how the nexus fantasy should've been imo:

youtube

Like I can't believe they even bring up Gary Mitchell and the red shirt deaths Kirk's faced. That's either never brought up or is just treated like a joke/meme. Sure it's angst-y (But like you said, in a good way) but it fully addresses so much of Kirk and his regrets. Just from what you told me about this adaptation, I'm really impressed. I'm definitely going to hunt down a copy when I can. Thank you so much for telling me about it!!!

#i got mail #star trek #star trek generations #star trek tng #star trek tos

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kinetic-elaboration · 3 years ago

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July 17: 2x26 Assignment: Earth

Finally finished up S2 of TOS yesterday. That was... a rough episode tbh. I’m just gonna say it: back door pilots are bad! They’re bad. If I wanted to watch that other show, I’d watch it.

Wow, they’re just really jumping right in, huh? “Here we are, on a routine mission into the past, using a time travel method that we invented nbd.”

Investigating desperate problems in the year 2020...2016.... no wait 1968.

Ooh, Spock in the transport room today. Does he have a whole extra random station there? That’s so weird; I’ve never seen that before. It’s like hidden in the corner.

Cat!! Cat!!

What a good actor. I’m still bitter that wikipedia has a whole section about the casting for “Isis the cat” that talks entirely about the human who played Isis for 2 minutes and nothing about the talented feline actor. Where did they find her? How did they teach her to act?

She has a lot of thoughts about Kirk.

I wrote down “Scully, you’ve got to see this” in my notes and I’ve already forgotten what it refers to lol. Some moment that I thought would fit well with my favorite x-files meme.

Change history, you say? Spock is intrigued. ...Admittedly, Spock is often intrigued.

“What if it turns out you’re an invading alien from the future?” Honestly...let him invade. You’re not supposed to be here anyway.

I’m pretty insulted by this. The aliens went through all this trouble to help in 1968...where are our alien helpers NOW?

The cat straight up attacked his face.

Kirk is so fond of Spock being fond of the cat.

“It’s a lovely animal. I feel myself strangely drawn to it.”

Kirk is way too confused by Seven--an allegedly human person with super-human abilities that he says come from aliens--and yet, he’s met Charlie X so??? Is this not the same?

Kirk’s got the whole crew checking in on zoom.

(I actually do like this sequence of him getting video calls from different parts of the ship.)

“Weren’t orbiting H-bombs a huge problem in 1968?” Looks at the camera like he’s on The Office. Not the subtlest bit of writing in the “social commentary” genre. I do say this with love, though. I always enjoy when they comment on contemporary problems.

“He has a totally perfect body.” Lol don’t distract these two bisexuals.

[soft meowing]

“The prisoner has escaped.” The way this is shot, it looks like he’s talking about the cat.

Hmm, I do love the decor. Very 60s. This honestly immediately feels like a different show, and a much more dated show; even when the Enterprise time travels, it tends not to time travel to... office space.

Love the little sounds the computer makes.

So is Isis supposed to be one of the fancy aliens? It’s never explained but one must assume she is.

Aw, he’s petting her paw.

So I assumed the cats sounds are real, but just dubbed. They’re not lol. Which I guess isn’t surprising: this cat makes a lot of noises! They were provided by a human voice actress.

Damn.... I want a secret bookshelf that turns around to reveal a super computer with a big screen. “Computer... play Netflix.”

That’s what Seven does in his spare time.

The computer is an AI. “Beta 5 snobbery” lol.

Where are OUR alien overlords to stop US from destroying ourselves before WE can mature into a peaceful society?

This is really masterful exposition lol. Not forced or awkward at all.

ST sure does love the snooty female computer trope.

“Get us the proper costumes.” Yes, get Spock his Requisite Hat.

Omicron IV....that’s one of the names they use in Futurama lol. Such nerds.

Another excellent Spock Hat.

I love Seven’s various IDs. Great style. I wish my driver’s license looked like those.

“Who do you think you are?” He hasn’t decided yet. That’s why he was shifting through his IDs.

Seven is not smart lol. Like, he should have figured out way faster that this lady isn’t one of the Alien Overlords. He asks her the code question, she doesn’t understand it, and he... assumes she’s just really in character? Dude, that’s what the code questions are for!!! To help you identify people! Otherwise you could just straight up ask: are you an alien?

Instead he’s like “oh, you silly alien, you’re playing with me,” and then is forced to trap her, reveal his whole mission, and ultimately ensnare her in his plan.

I want that typewriter. Voice recognition typewriter.

"My incompetence has made you aware of very secret devices." Well at least he knows.

Trained cat!

The alien overlords were killed in a random car accident. That’s ironic.

Oh look, a real rocket!

Brown pants + short sleeved shirt + tie is such a Classic 60s look.

This security guard doesn’t think it’s weird that this random dude has a cat with him? Is this part of Isis’s alien power?

Except for the part where it’s a weapon, it’s pretty cool to see all this build up to, like... launching stuff into space. Exciting.

Isis likes to be on shoulders. Just like Little Guy.

New hat for Spock. His outer wear hat, and now his fancy hat. There is something to be said for this ep, and that is Kirk and Spock in suits.

Amazing how they literally launched rockets with computers that old. Like seeing the big bank of primitive computers is totally wild. We put people on the moon that way! Amazing.

“Meow.” Lol, Isis is stressed so she’s speaking like a cat. That’s a pretty funny joke actually.

Seven is so incompetent. If he’d just let the Enterprise help, Scotty could have fixed that rocket issue in like 3 seconds.

Lol everyone’s just pulling Gary through space. Now on the Enterprise. Now in the office.

Why does this computer have a hug black screen if it only displays images on the small white circle?

"Spock and I in custody. Main characters, doing nothing, knowing nothing, totally useless and irrelevant. I have never felt more helpless." Literally what is even the point of them today? Does Spock even have lines outside of “I like the cat”?

Isis is jealous of Roberta. Is she.. in a relationship with Seven lol?

Uhura is listening to everyone in the world. She probably has a universal translator on, but I do feel like this scene implies she just...understands all the languages.

So now the warhead is armed and heading to somewhere vague... in other words, everyone has collectively made the situation worse.

....Or this was Seven’s plan all along? To scare people into ceasing to be so careful with nuclear weaponry? As someone who knows humans better than this guy, I think this is a dumbass plan.

“That’s why so many people in my generation are kind of crazy and rebels.” Same, sweetheart.

Really this is just a story about bad communication. If Seven had told Kirk his plan upfront, Kirk would have helped him. And if Kirk weren’t so insistent on involving himself in something just because he happens to be somewhere he probably shouldn’t be, we wouldn’t have this issue either. The hubris of everyone.

Overall, just a really forced narrative imo.

Or that’s how it was supposed to be lol. The Irony of time travel. By it’s nature, everything has already worked out.

Kirk and Spock are like “You’re welcome. Peace out.”

Honestly... Isis was the only good part. Such a talented cat actor!! Or trio of cat actors, I guess. Had to do all those stunts and stuff.. .amazing. I also liked the concept of Isis. How she turned into a human later just to troll Roberta. How she’s never really explained--one must assume, an alien? Plus I pretty much never get tired of human + animal teams where the animal makes animal noises and the human just understands and answers in English.

As a stand alone sci fi concept...it was okay. Kinda dated by now. The alien tech was nifty and Roberta could have grown on me. Maybe even Seven, though he left a lot to be desire. That said, the narrative relied a lot on people getting in each other’s way for no reason, which I find very frustrating.

But as a Star Trek episode....no. The main characters were just nuisances on the side lines!! I’m not even sure what Kirk’s mission here was--to try to figure out what Seven was doing? And stop him if necessary? But he never really decided if it was or not, until the point where not trusting him would basically cause a nuclear war? I don’t know, I found it all very frustrating. The melding of the original show and the spinoff was not smooth.

If I were watching this in 1968, I’d feel very cheated. THIS was the season finale? That’s it? I don’t even get a real Star Trek episode and now I have to wait months for anything new?

And what I get after all that waiting is Spock’s Brain?? I’d be tempted to quit. If I had a tumblr in 1969 I’d be writing multi-paragraph rants about how the best show on television has completely nose-dived lol.

But then there’s The Enterprise Incident, which is one of the best episodes... I don’t know, man. It’s a conundrum. I’ve only seen maybe half of season 3 but from what I remember it’s very uneven: some of the best eps (The Enterprise Incident, For the World Is Hollow, Day of the Dove) mixed in with some of the worst (Spock’s Brain, The Paradise Syndrome), plus some that are good concepts but shoddily executed (The Way to Eden). So we’ll see what I think about it when I see it all in one piece, in air date order.

#the year 2021 #2021: fandom thoughts #2021: star trek #star trek tos

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g0ldengubler · 4 years ago

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Chapter 10 ~ Strawberry Avalanche

A/N: AAAAAAA hey besties i'm baaaaaack! honestly, i lost all motivation for a couple of months, especially because wattpad is getting censored. i was scared that this story was going to be taken down, but now i've decided to keep going. Thankfully, this series is also on here so if nauseous is taken down on wattpad it will be here safe and sound. Also shortening chapters has been a nice thought. I'm sorry this one sucks i'm kinda rusty and this is more of a filler/catch up, but we're back at it again boizzz! Also, thank you so much for over 900 followers! Really really crazy but i'm so glad you guys are enjoying my fics. And I'm really glad everyone enjoyed lunchtime! I didn't think it would get that much love as I thought that kink wasn't something others would be into so I am planning on writing more one shots with other kinks I have. Things are just about to get good in nauseous...ok anyways i love uuuuuu <3

Category: Angst (??...yeah sure we'll go with that lol)

CW: Talks of cases; talks of murder

Summary: It's time to go back to work, and oh boy are they in for a "treat"

Word Count: 1817

masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Every time your alarm rang, you quote Cinderella at it, groggily saying, "Oh, that clock. Old killjoy." You hate waking up early, as sleep was such a beautiful thing in your book. When you were asleep, you were at peace, as if everything that had happened that day whether good or bad just went away. You were free in your dreams, running around like a child in a field of lavender. You had that dream here and there before you met Spencer. When the feelings for him grew over the course of a week, you started getting that dream frequently instead of waking up thinking you didn't dream or remembering a weird one. He would show up as a shadowy figure on the other side of the field and you would run over to it until you woke up once the figure turned around.

After you two made it official, the blur of the figure disappeared and turned into him. You would run as if it was the speed of light towards him, and he would turn around in a lilac colored cardigan, barely hiding the huge grin on his face. Spencer would pick you up around your waist and lift you up as he spun you around. Right before you kissed, however, you woke up. You were into the meaning of dreams, so you thought that at the right time, the kiss would happen.

As you got ready for the day, you couldn't stop thinking about the past month. You remember meeting Spencer and how your heart skipped a beat when your eyes first met in the conference room. You remember getting drunk and high with the team and how your boss was pretty much the life of the party without really meaning to. You laughed to yourself as the thought of Spencer high on edibles at Rossi's came in. He ate a whole brownie before Garcia could give a warning and once it kicked in it was hard not to laugh at his goofiness as he would only talk about Star Trek the whole night. He could've had the whole pot of spaghetti his munchies were so bad.

Garcia crept into your brain again as you got in your car. That night, instead of Spencer coming in to clean you up, it was Garcia.

With a wet washcloth in hand, she stood by the door and saw you on her bed, the laughter and voices echoing down the hall and into the room. You tried to cover yourself but she waved her hand away.

"Sugar cakes, don't worry about it," she said, walking over and sitting in front of you on the side of the bed. In a comforting way, she put a hand on your leg, rubbing it gently, "I'd be mad if it was other people on my bed going at it like rabbits. But you two? I don't seem to feel any steam coming out of my ears."

"Are you sure?" You asked, embarrassed, "I'm so sorry, Garcia."

"I'm just thankful that boy genius got laid."

The two of you laughed as she handed you the cloth. You took it and began cleaning yourself up, trying to clean what fell out onto the bed. Once you were done, Garcia gave you some advil and some water as you gave her the cloth back.

"Are you feeling ok, hun?" She asked as you were sipping on your water.

"Yeah, just a bit sore but nothing I can't handle." You hand her the glass of water back and fixed your pillows so they'd help you sit up.

"Reid is a very kind and respectful guy, Y/N," she said as she softly rubbed your leg, "I've known him since Gideon brought him on the team, I know he wouldn't do anything to hurt you."

"I see that in him," you said, "When he's not ruining me he's a total sweetheart and always open to trying new things if he wants to. He's really special to me, Penelope. I've never met someone like him. He's probably the first guy to want me for everything else, like the sex is just a bonus. Men back home were never like that."

Garcia smiled as she got up, looking down at you before leaning down and kissing the top of your head. "I'm glad you're here, Y/N. You've been the last missing puzzle piece for our team since you first walked in the conference room." Then she left, probably to let you rest.

You were still for a few minutes before you decided to try and get up. Once you were able to stand, you walked slowly out of the bedroom and back to the living room, which felt like it took you years to get to. You saw Spencer sitting on the couch next to Morgan, taking a joint from his hands. You watch as he put it to his lips and inhaled, holding it in for a sec before exhaling a big cloud out. He coughed before taking it back to his lips and took a couple more, handing it over to Jj.

As you parked in the parking garage, you remembered the butterflies you felt when his eyes caught yours. Morgan had got up and helped you walk to the couch, where you lay down with your legs on Spencer's lap. That night was so magical, but now you're back to work, dreading the amount of files that would be piled on your desk.

When you got out of the elevator to the 6th floor, you walked in the bulpin thinking you'd see Spencer at his desk, but your smile faded when you didn't. You looked around the room until you turned all the way around to the conference room, seeing all your friends in the window. You quickly-but calmly-walked up the ramp and into the room with a smile on your face, yet it went away again once you felt the room, seeing all their stern or worried faces.

"Y/L/N," said Hotch, "please take a seat."

"Is everything alright?" You ask as you sit next to Spencer. He locks his arm around yours and takes your hand in his, kissing it, knowing it was a way of his to comfort you.

Hotch was silent for a moment before he spoke. "While we were on our vacation, new cases have come to us. These cases were ones we had already solved, however."

No one spoke as he explained the two copycat cases. One was based from The Fox, a case they solved years ago, but it wasn't exact. The fox was more known for killing big families but this copycat killed small families, ones with only children. The other was one you knew all too well. A few years ago, couples were left in trunks of cars, all cut up and stabbed. You studied this case when it happened, and wrote an outstanding paper on it for class.

"We now have a copycat on our hands. This investigation will be going along while we also work on other cases. If needed, protection will be put for our loved ones. That is all. So far there hasn't been one to go to, but myself and Jj will let you know if one comes in."

With that, we all slowly walked back to your desks. Thankfully, yours was right in front of Spencer's. A part of you felt safe no matter what scenery you were in. But you still felt worried. With not being on the team for much time, you were scared for your friends. Stuff like this was part of the job, but that didn't mean you couldn't be human.

One thing was lingering in your mind the whole day...Was there a deeper connection between the two copycat cases?

~~~

Later that night, you finished your work for the day and headed home. Both you and Spencer felt too tired to do something, so you both went your separate ways. When you got home, you threw your bag and keys to a chair and fell on your couch as your dogs attacked you with love and kisses. Taking your boots off, you took your phone out and looked through your delivery apps to see if anything sounded good, but you didn't feel that hungry as you saw all the delicious options.

Remembering you had some wine on the counter, you got up and poured yourself a glass. You got changed into crewneck sweater and sweatpants that had U of M written all over it. Putting your hair up in a high ponytail, you made your way back to the couch and went through your phone, catching up on text messages from your dad, looking through memes and videos.

After a bit of time has passed, you were on your third glass and were feeling very tipsy. You turned on your speaker and went through your the music on shuffle before stumbling upon a song from high school, Strawberry Avalanche by Owl City. You hadn't listen to it or his music in years, so you decided to keep it on for old times sake. As the song got to the chorus, you felt your tipsy brain taking over, getting up from the couch and dancing along. Your furry friends-as Garcia would say-joined you as you picked up Draco's paws and gently brought him up on his back legs, while Benedict barked and went around in little circles, his eyes never leaving you.

You went to sleep after your dance party, wanting the comfort of your own bed rather than the less comfortable couch. As your children climbed on and settled down, you tried to drift off right away, wanting to go back to your dream, but you couldn't stop thinking about the deeper connection between the two cases. That feeling was bothering you beyond belief, as if it was on the tip of your tongue or right under your nose. 'They're not just copycats,' you thought, 'so then what's the other connection, if there is one?'

You sat up, letting your pillows support your back. You grabbed your notebook from the side table and pen and started writing down what you remembered from what Hotch said. They are copycats from two they have already solved. One in Detroit, the other in their own backyard. It couldn't of been anniversaries because they didn't happen on their exact days, but it could be revenge on the team.

You went deeper into the cases to feel an epiphany run through your whole body. The Fox copy killed smaller families, but the wife was left last. And in the Detroit copy, it was only straight couples and the women were stabbed the most.

This unsub was going after girlfriends and wives.

#spencer reid #spencer reid fan fiction #spencer reid fic #criminal minds #criminal minds fan fiction #cm #mgg

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heraldofzaun · 3 years ago

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✌ ✔ ✘ for the mun memes?

Roleplay related mun memes!

✌ : Fondest role-play memory, between muses?

Hmm... I generally have a really hard time picking a “favorite” of anything, because I find it difficult to concretely rank things like that. So I’ll just give a few.

I’ve really enjoyed a lot of the writing between myself and a friend who played Orianna and Corin. This was mostly offsite, though, so I can’t show you it. But we had this modern AU where Viktor was a newer employee at Corin’s prosthesis lab, and it was really nice to write a more settled-down/normal Viktor with a supportive group of coworkers.

We also wrote a good deal of Creator AU content, which I still think of fondly even though I think I’ve tired myself out on Creator for a while. It was great fun to write just a real shithead of a Viktor... I think my favorite scene from there is him and my friend’s OC having some real good villain-hero banter, although Viktor - even as a power-hungry militaristic megalomaniac - still is not great at banter.

I’ve also greatly enjoyed writing with @sheriff-caitlyn over the past year! Again, mostly offsite, but bits of it creep onto tumblr upon occasion. (Ever wonder why Viktor’s been exchanging the occasional gift with her?) I think my favorite here is Caitlyn giving Viktor a small lavender plant (their backstory is long and complicated, but all you have to know is that they care for each other very much even though neither of them can be seen in the other’s city-state) to take care of, because he appreciated that she brought him dried lavender on one of the times she snuck over to visit him. She has a matching plant and it’s just very... It gets me in my heart, y’know. Viktor does his best to keep it healthy.

✔ : What drew you to the character you currently play? What types of characters are you generally drawn to?

I’ve been an unrepentant Viktor fan since about 2014, which means that yes, I did play him when Augment: Death was a thing. (I stopped playing before they removed his Hex Core from the game and gave him that VFX update that I find horrid, so I can’t say that I’ve played all iterations of Viktor... But I played the ones that I liked, so.)

I think I liked him at the outset for a couple of reasons, although it’s been a while... I’m not sure if I have him to thank for my love of sci-fi, or if I liked it before and it’s just increased ever since. But a lot of the stuff in his 2014 lore resonated with me, for better or for worse, and I also just thought his design was fascinating. I didn’t write him at the time - well, I briefly wrote his Full Machine counterpart about a year down the line - and I’m kind of glad I didn’t. I think it’s only in these past few years that I’ve been able to write him with the complexity and gravity he deserves.

I think I tend to like a variety of characters, although the ones I write are a subset of that? I’m not too great at self-analysis in this case, but I think I tend to like characters with a lot of internal conflict and struggle or characters who are perceived in vastly different ways by the various people around them. Sci-fi and fantasy elements are also a big win. (Maybe “tortured/flawed/struggling idealist” would be a good descriptor for some of the characters?) Also villains, sometimes. Also autistic-coded/relatable characters. I’ll include a non-comprehensive of characters I like below, and bold the ones I’m currently trying to write.

Viktor, Jayce, Caitlyn, Orianna, Blitzcrank, Annie, Janna (these last two are a case of I Can Fix Them Disease so they’re pretty AU), I have a few other League characters I like but this list is long already, Anarky from DC Comics, I have mixed feelings about the Riddler’s recent portrayals but I like Hush-era, Reformed PI, and BTAS Riddler, Clara from Pathologic (the first one, haven’t played 2) but also Daniil and Artemy to a lesser extent, Doctor Doom but when in a competent writer’s hands (I like Triumph and Torment), R. Daneel Olivaw (and Lije Baley) from Asimov’s Robots series, Erik from Phantom of the Opera (the original book), Sherlock Holmes (original stories and Jeremy Brett’s performances, Elementary is growing on me quite rapidly as well), Napoleon Solo and Illya Kuryakin from the original Man from U.N.C.L.E. TV show not the reboot, Spock, Data, Odo, Garak, and Julian Bashir from various flavors of Star Trek.

There’s more but I feel like this probably gives you a nice and clear insight into my psyche, so I’m going to stop now.

✘ : Any head canons you’d like to imply on your character but know they wouldn’t fit?

I don't think so? Whether this is because I try to limit myself to realistic speculations about Viktor or because I just apply anything to him, I don't know.

I guess I have a few edge-case headcanons that don't really show up often, like Viktor being a competent artist but solely for technology or repetitive patterns. He can sketch prosthesis concepts and draw blueprints just fine, but can't really draw anything... alive. (Without it looking more like an anatomical text drawing than anything else, that is.)

#anonymous #filled prompt | a glimpse into the mind

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alphaflyer · 5 years ago

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Meme (with corrections)

I was tagged by the lovely @cloud--atlas. And so I copied her piece, with the intention of inserting my own answers. But there were a couple of places I overlooked, leaving her answers in place... OOPS. I fixed one before people read the post but didn’t notice another, so I just decided to delete the original and repost the corrected version. APOLOGIES!!

AO3 name: AlphaFlyer

Fandoms:

The Avengers (Marvel Movies) (59)

Marvel Cinematic Universe (49)

Star Trek: Voyager (30)

Hawkeye (Comics) (10)

The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types (8)

Captain America (Movies) (7)

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV) (5)

James Bond (Craig movies) (4)

Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies) (3)

Thor (Movies) (2)

Black Widow (Comics) (1)

Ant-Man (Movies) (1)

Avengers (Comics) (1)

Note that most of these (like James Bond, Agents of SHIELD) tend to be crossovers with MCU.

Number of fics published:

AO3 tells me it’s 101, but “Moments” has like 32 distinct fic in it, so it’s more like 132.

Fic I spent the most time on:

Do long periods of inactivity allowing it to simmer in your subconscious count? That would be my two-season MarvelBang, “Seventh Crow”, which I started in the spring of 2015 and finished in the fall of 2016, mostly because of an intervening transatlantic move and family issues, resulting in resolute inability to write. Until my friend Inkvoices made me a fanvid, based on what she knew about the story, and sent it to me for Christmas.

Fic I spent the least time on:

That would be a tie between Savile Row and Five Times SHIELD Tried to Recruit Clint Barton. The first I cranked out over an evening, based on a tag game on LJ; the latter I wrote longhand in a boat while my husband and daughter were fishing, and then typed out/edited it in the evening.

Longest fic:

The top 5 spots are all taken up by Star Trek:Voyager fic, with #1 going to Off the Shoulder of Orion with a word count of 78,804. That was around the time when I started posting chapters before having finished a story, a gamble that ended up backfiring when I ran out of steam on “Proof of Life” (FFN only, so I won’t link to it here.)

Shortest fic:

Among the fic posted on their own, rather than in my Moments collection, that’s a tie between 3 Five-Plus-One fics, in all of which the individual segments are drabble length at 100 words each. The only difference between the three is the length of the author’s note, otherwise they’re exactly 600 words apiece.

Most hits:

Second Mouse, with 38,678 hits (unless you include FFN, where Skies Over Manhattan comes in at 49,169 - but that site counts individual chapter hits. “Skies” is second on AO3 with 23,579).

Most kudos:

Skies Over Manhattan, with 899. (Yo, Folks, can we get that to 900 plsntx.. :P)

Most comment threads:

Moments, at 253 (This is my 32-chapter ficlet collection, so people tend to comment on each chapter as it comes out). For a single story that came out all at once, it’s that energizer bunny MarvelBang, Second Mouse, with 103.

Most bookmarks:

Runaway winner is Skies Over Manhattan, with 330. Followed by Second Mouse with 208. Five Times SHIELD Tried to Recruit Clint Barton, In The Service and Double Deuce are in a virtual tie for third with 137, 136 and 135.

Total word count:

According to AO3, 980,381. Whoops. Seriously???

Favourite fic I wrote:

Oh, man. I hate that question. I'm really pleased with how Second Mouse turned out - nothing but good memories from my collaboration with Inkvoices who illustrated it; also pleased with the sequels and the reception it got from readers. And @hawksandspiders just did a detailed analysis of it on her DW account, which was totally thrilling and made me even prouder of it.

Another little one I’m quite fond of is my Voyager piece “Grace”, because of the rhythm and cadence I used to convey the sense of urgency in the story (a lot fewer people read it...).

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on:

Whoops - so an earlier version of this post left in a clip from @cloud--atlas‘ original post that I cut and pasted... No, I did NOT write “Red Star” although it’s one of the few threesome fics I genuinely like! Here’s my answer:

“Choices”. My very first fanfic ever. First ever attempt at writing, in fact. It’s a post-ST Voyager Endgame thing, detailing what happens to the crew (specifically Tom Paris but others as well) when they come home. It still holds up content-wise, but the dialogue is clunky in parts and the paragraphing atrocious. I haven’t had the guts to go back in and fix it, because it is my Firstborn and we need to own our mistakes and show how we’ve grown as writers somehow (also it’s in the top-5 Voyager stories on FFN in terms of “favourite” pings as it is, so it should probably be allowed to stand on its own). But whenever I look at it, I cringe a little at how much better it could be.

Share a bit of a WIP or a story idea you’re planning on:

Three words: Clint and Flerken. I keep rewriting that one though, so I’m not sure when it will see the light of day...

Also waiting for my @be-compromised “Remix” assignment!

#fic meme #fixing mistakes

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legitlaur · 6 years ago

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Golden Hour part 3 // p.p

Peter Parker x Reader

Word Count: 2.2k whoops

Warnings: Cheesy, awkward social encounters, the occasional swears, not edited (very well)

Summary: You didn’t think having photography with Peter Parker would be of any significance to your life, that is until you were with him at Golden Hour.

Note: sorry its legit the slowest story ever, im working on cutting down the fluff so it finally gets good. anywho thanks for reading, much love.

PART 2

not my gif

Monday after school you had a job interview at a bookstore near the school. Before that you were supposed to meet up with Jonah to exchange phones.

“I wish you had a picture of this kid. Or a last name. We can’t even find his instagram.” Mimi complained during lunch.

“Speaking of instagram. Has there been any activity on my account? I didn’t change my password so he has access to it.” You explained.

Mimi turned on her phone, “I’ll check. This is perfect, we can use this as a trust exercise.”

You moved closer to Mimi, both of you looking at her screen. As you searched through your instagram there weren’t any recent likes. The memes Mimi had sent you remained unopened.

“Wow. This kid is golden. You better go out on a date with him,” Mimi popped a piece of cantaloupe in her mouth, “When are you seeing him again?”

You checked the time in her phone, “He said he’d be here right after school. I told him I have a job interview at 3:45 that I can’t miss.”

“Let’s meet up after school in the bathroom by physics and fix you.” Mimi suggested.

“Fix me?” you asked.

“Oh y/n. If you want a boy to like you, you’ve gotta do something about that hair.” She sighed.

You fought back, but Mimi was resilient. You agreed only to shut her up.

When the bell rang to get out of your last class, you slowly made your way to the science hall. Mimi would come find you if you didn’t meet her there. As you walked through the hall you noticed Peter and his friends. Ned Leeds and Michelle Jones. The perfect way to get out of meeting up with Mimi.

“Hey Peter.” You shouted as you walked into their small circle.

He smiled, “Hey y/n. This is Ned and MJ.”

“It’s Michelle, only my friends can call me MJ.” Michelle glared at Peter.

You frowned, “So what's up with you guys?”

“We are planning our next movie marathon. Lord of the Rings or Star Wars. We did Star Trek last month so I was thinking Lord of the Rings because its not space.” Ned excitedly explained.

You laughed, “I personally like The Hobbit more than Lord of the Rings,. So that's what I would watch.”

“No way. I love The Hobbit movies. We are definitely doing The Hobbit.” Peter exclaimed.

Ned looked at you, “Y/n you should totally come. Its great. We all wear pajamas and Peters aunt orders tons of food. We watch all day.”

Peter gave Ned a weird look, “Or, um I bet you have something better to do on your weekend.”

You wrapped your arm around Peter, “Actually no, I don’t. I’ll be there. Someone just text me the details,” You dropped your arm and started to the bathroom, “I’ll see you guys later.”

Mimi was leaning on the wall outside the bathroom, “Hurry up. My mom needs me home and I’m trying to help you. But you’re off socializing with,” She gestures towards Peter and his friends, “them.”

“Sorry. Let’s get this over with. I need to go meet Jonah.” You look at the phone in your hand.

You follow her into the bathroom where she wets your y/c/h. She brushed, and brushed.

“My goodness Mimi. I’m not gonna have any hair left.” You yelped.

“Sorry,” She patted it down one last time, “You’re good to go. Call me after. I wanna hear everything,” she ran out of the bathroom.

You fix your shirt, and look in the mirror. If Jonah didn’t like you when you liked like this, then he wasn’t the right guy for you. You sigh and head to the front of the school. Jonah wasn’t there yet. You sit down on the stairs and check the time..

3:10pm

You text him.

Where are you? Remember I have my job interview?

He didn’t respond, you sat with nervous knees.

3:20pm

You couldn’t be late for your interview, you texted him again. You sat patiently hoping he’d show.

“Y/n? What are you still doing here? Don’t you have a job interview?” Peter came and sat next to you.

You moved closer to him, hoping to use his body heat to get warm, “Yeah,” You shivered, “You know this phone,” you held out the Iphone X, “Well it’s not mine. It’s a kid named Jonah’s.”

You then went on to explain the whole story to Peter. Even Jonah’s good looks, and the butterflies in your stomach.

“So you’ve got a crush on this Jonah?” Peter smirked.

You pushed Peter with your body, “Shut it. I doubt it’s gonna go anywhere.”

Peter laughed, “I, I’m pretty sure it will. Just let things play out.”

You smiled, “Parker you know you give really good relationship advice.”

He shrugged, “It's what I do.”

You checked the time.

3:30

“I guess I’m walking. We love that.” You got up.

Peter stood up, adjusting the grip on his bag, “Want me to walk you?”

“No. You’ve gotta get to your internship. I’ll text you later and let you know how it goes,” you reached up and wrapped your arms around Peter, embracing him in a hug, “Thanks. I’ll see ya later.” Peters body was stiff, he raised his arm and patted your back awkwardly. You let go, Peter ran the other direction, you texted Jonah.

I’m leaving for my interview. I’ll call you after. You better answer.

Disappointed you ran from the school to the bookstore. The welcome bell rang.

“My name is y/n y/l/n. I’m here for a job interview.” You panted.

The cashier spoke into his earpiece, “Andrews your interview is here.”

Moments later a man came out of the back door, “Y/n?”

You nod, he comes to shake your hand, “I’m Alec Andrews, lets go into my office.”

He led you into a room behind the register. There was a small desk, and a few chairs.

You sat down and smiled.

“I hope you know you were late.” He sits down across from you.

You look at the time on his computer.

4:00pm

“I’m so sorry. I have a really good explanation. So I accide-”

“I’d rather not hear it if that's okay. I understand life happens.”

You went through the interview process, he asked you lots of questions. You happily answered them.

“Everything looks good, we will get back to you shortly.” Alec put your resume on top of a pile, you assumed were other resumes.

You thanked him and left. Once you got outside you checked Jonah's phone, there were six missed calls. You clicked one, waiting for him to answer.

“Y/n? I am so sorry. Can you please forgive me? I had to help move my grandma into an old folks home, and I wasn’t paying attention to the ti-”

“Its okay, are you free now? I’d really like to get my phone back.” You barked.

“Yeah, where are you? I’ll come to you.”

You told him the address of the bookstore, he said he would be there shortly. You were instructed not to leave for any reason.

Leaning against the wall of the bookstore you waiting patiently. Constantly looking at the people in the streets, hoping to see the blonde haired mystery boy again. A bright red Lamborghini zoomed past, only to make a sharp illegal u-turn. Pulling over, the window went down, “Hop in.”

You looked closer and saw Jonah. You threw your bag over your shoulder and ran into the street, he opened the doors. You carefully crammed in.

“Sorry about that. I thought this place was further down.” He turned on his blinker.

Still flustered you nodded, “So is this your car?”

“Cherry? I wish. Nope she’s my dads. It was the only car out and I needed to get here fast.” He chuckled.

“Where the hell were you? I was late to my interview. Wanna know why? Because of you. I just want to you know that when I don’t get that job it’s gonna be on you.” You screamed.

Jonah's face went pale, “y/n calm down. I have reasons.” “Helping your grandma? Please, that's the best you can do?” You interrupted.

“I also got you a coffee,” He help up a starbucks coffee.

You took it gingerly, carefully sipping, “You’re lucky I like all coffee.”

You saw your phone in the cup holder, you pulled Jonah's out of your pocket and switched them back.

Looking at through your notifications you smiled, your instagram hadn’t been touched. As for your messages there was a recent text. The contact read Jonah with a pink heart.

“Woah you assume because you caught me on the subway that I actually fell for you? If I recall there’s nothing going on between us.” You asked.

Jonah looked into your eyes, forgetting that he was driving a $200,000 car, “Yet,” he turned the radio down, “I kinda was planning a really cheesy way to ask you out.”

“Let's hear. How cheesy can it be?” You laughed.

His cheeks went bright pink, “It’s pretty bad. Let's just say it included me dramatically running to you at your school. Something about getting on my knees, offering your phone to you as a token of my loyalty to you if you would go on a date with me.”

You were wheezing, “Oh man. I definitely would’ve said yes. Now, I’m not so sure.”

He pulled over, and put the car in park, “y/n, I don’t know your last name.”

“y/l/n.” You informed him.

“Okay. y/n y/l/n, will you do me the honor of going out on a date with me?” He gave his best puppy dog face.

You took his hand and grasped it tightly, “Jonah?”

“Jonah Richardson.”

“Jonah Richardson it would be my pleasure to go out on a date with you.” You giggled.

Jonah was laughing too. His blonde hair moving everywhere. He looked so precious when he was laughing, not trying to impress anyone. He looked truly content.

“You’re cute when you laugh.”

Jonah looked startled, then he turned into his weird flirty self, “So you do find me attractive?”

“Cute and attractive are very different,” You covered your face hoping to hide your blushing cheeks.

Getting a little too close to your face he smirked, “You’ll find me attractive soon enough.”

You pull back, “I’m harder to impress than you think.”

He took your hand, and intertwined it with his, “Are you free now?”

You blushed, relaxed your hand, and answered, “Yeah.”

Jonah’s smile widened, “Let’s go now then.”

“Go where?” You asked.

He turned onto a street you’d never been on, “On our date, silly.”

You ran your hand through your hair, “Oh.”

Jonah parked and led you to a Mcdonald’s, “I know it’s not very classy, but Mcdonald’s hash browns are the only ones I’ll eat.”

You took his hand, and swung it as you walking into the fast food chain, “Mcdonald’s is perfect.”

You ordered and sat across from from each other.

“So you live in Queens?” You asked.

He took a bite of his hash brown, “Born and raised.”

“Where do you go to school?” You continued.

“I go to a private school part time, my dad wants me to learn the family business. Says it’s more important than a high school diploma.” He shrugged.

You dipped your fry in ketchup, “Family business?”

“Richardson Science and Technology. Ever heard of it?” He asked.

Your mouth dropped, “Your dad owns RST?”

He sipped his milkshake while nodding.

You only knew about the company because you saw Peter reading articles about it in photography, you’d asked him about it. They were some huge corporation that started up not to long ago, it was getting as big as Stark Industries.

“So what do you for fun?” You changed the subject.

“Drive, box, and watch a good movie.” His eyes were wandering.

You looked around to see what he was looking at, everywhere seemed normal.

He brought his attention back to you, “So, y/n what about you?”

You shrugged, “Not much to say. I’m a 16 year old, a Junior at MSST, my mom expects perfection so that’s what I give. I guess?”

Jonah grabbed your hand, and gently kissed your knuckles, “You are perfection.”

The night went on and you learned more about each other, finally Jonah looked at the time.

9:40

“Crap,” He threw his trash in his bag and stood up, “I gotta get you home.”

You followed him and ran out to the car. He took your hand again in the car. You smiled and explained how to get to your apartment.

He parked, opened the door for you, and even walked you up to your apartment.

“So,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “I’ll text you later, if that’s okay.”

You turn the key in the lock., “More than okay,” you turn to face him, “Thanks for the ride home.”

Leaning up you kissed his cheek, “Night.”

He leaned against the doorway, “Good night y/n.”

You closed the door smiling.

TO BE CONTINUED

Tag list: @victorianfatmycroft @laurrenhawker

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per-ineptia-ad-astra · 6 years ago

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So, as I mentioned a while ago, I had to move to an irregular schedule because of life stuff. I’ve since been going back and forth somewhat on whether I should go into detail about what that stuff is. I don’t really mind talking about it (lord knows I overshare enough on my main blog) but it seemed...unprofessional, somehow, to drop all this personal stuff on one’s readership.

Eventually, though, I realized that it was probably better to be upfront, given how directly all this impacts this blog. So here it is, but I’m going to put it under a cut, so no need to read it if you don’t want to. It’s nothing terrible, just a lot of mental health stuff, but I realize you may well be here only for funny Star Trek jokes and not my personal unfolding life drama.

About a year ago now, I took a long overdue psych test and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, and ADHD, It was also indicated that I was on the autism spectrum.

Some of this was pretty much what I expected. Some of it was very surprising, but over time I realized it explained a lot. I’d struggled all the way through college but managed to make it to graduation, and then, with no structure to fall back on, pretty much immediately crashed. I started trying medication and eventually therapy, and none of it was helping, and it was after about a year of that that I finally took the test. It gave me a better picture of what I was dealing with, and made me finally realize that I had a number of problems that were not going to be solved by yelling at myself for being lazy--but of course, in and of itself, the test didn’t fix anything.

Getting effective medication has proved to be a frustratingly long process. Every antidepressant I tried took at least a month before I could tell if it was working, and I had to do this over and over again because none of them were working. Realizing I had ADHD was a relief because I had not previously thought there was anything I could do about [gestures vaguely] all that, but it also meant starting another series of medication trials. And any hope I might have had that this one would be any easier was pretty quickly dashed. If anything this one was more complicated because it posed the extra challenge of finding an ADHD medication, almost all of which are stimulants, which accomplished anything without blowing my anxiety skyhigh. (Trying to medicate three mental illnesses at the same time seems to be a lot like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube, except every time you move part of it it has a chance of exploding.)

I started writing these recaps at some point during all this, mostly because I just wanted to write something. I didn’t have the motivation or concentration to work on any of my own original story ideas, and anyway I felt too much in a state of limbo to start anything. I didn’t post them for a while; I wasn’t even sure I was ever going to. It just gave me something to do.

Last fall, after going through what felt like every other one that exists, we finally landed on an antidepressant that seems to work for me. That was an enormous relief. But none of the ADHD meds we’d tried so far had helped, and I was still struggling. Now, at least, I could want to do things, but actually doing them was still posing a problem.

I was nervous about taking another stimulant, but I’d reached a point where it seemed it was either keep trying medication, or face a lifetime of staring blankly at open documents while wanting to cry. I realize that some amount of staring blankly at open documents while wanting to cry is just part of being a writer, but it was proving to be about 98% of being a writer for me and that’s just not a feasible percentage. So about a month ago I started Attempt #4.

To be honest, I still wasn’t actually expecting it to work, and wasn’t sure what to expect even if it did. I suppose I figured it would work by helping me to focus, so I could actually sit down and just write without constantly getting distracted. I was initially disappointed, because it didn’t do that. I am still every bit as prone to wanting to check tumblr or mess with spotify or start thinking about another project altogether or just staring aimlessly out the window.

But it did do something else. It made things easier. It made the thought of having to do a thing go from absolutely not. die. to oh well okay I guess I could. I never quite realized what an intense and exhausting effort everything was until that effort got lessened somewhat. Sitting down to write feels less like going for a hike with a forty-pound backpack to carry and more like going for a hike with a ten-pound backpack to carry. It’s still a fair bit of effort, but much less daunting.

Given that, I realize it probably sounds strange that this blog has been less active recently. But it’s not been a straightforward process. I had to take it a while before it sort of leveled out and started being effective. And in the meantime it’s had side effects--insomnia and anxiety were not helping me be productive, and while that’s all gone down a whole lot with time, I’ve also had medication with big ol’ side effects that didn’t present themselves for some time, so I’m still tentative. The dose may need to be adjusted, or I might wind up having to try another one altogether--it’s just not been long enough to be sure. Going from having no proof that any ADHD med would do anything for me to having proof that at least one of them can have some benefit is huge, but it’s not the end of the road.

Plus, actually being able to do things is weird and I’m still getting used to it. It’s been a learning process. I’m having to figure out how to actually be productive in a way that’s not just beating my head against the wall until some kind of progress is made.

Getting better also means, well, having to do other things as well. After two years of being sick and doing pretty much nothing, it would be kind of nice to actually do things like my own writing and earning money and moving out of my parents’ house sometime before my natural death.

That doesn’t mean this blog is going anywhere! I still love talking about Star Trek with you all. But it probably is going to be a bit slow for a while. Getting better feels a lot like moving from a shitty old apartment to a nicer and more comfortable apartment; the end result is obviously preferable, but you have to go through the hectic period in the middle first, which can be quite overwhelming when, metaphorically speaking, you’ve been sitting around your shitty old apartment not doing much of anything for a long time.

So that’s what’s going on. I’m sorry Court Martial is taking so long--I’m working on it, I promise! I very much appreciate your patience. We’ll get there eventually. In the meantime, I’ll keep the memes coming.

#blog chatter #life of the writer

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bonepranks-a · 6 years ago

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. OUT i’ve been wanting to write extensively about my experience playing undertale/intro to the fandom so... i’m gonna do that. it’s below the cut if u want, it’s very long -- I eventually want to condense it to perhaps share elsewhere, so consider this a first draft.

I don’t consider myself a video game fan. As a kid, my interests were grounded in more “outside” activities, and I was rarely seen without a book in hand. We couldn’t afford gaming consoles, and my parents were vehemently against anything that promoted violence (I wasn’t allowed to go to a laser tag birthday party. Yes, I’m serious.) And that’s what video games were to them, especially my mom. Violent games about shooting and killing people.

As a result, I was very out of the loop when it came to gaming culture. I would watch my friends play Mario Kart at their houses, I think I did Wii Bowling with my grandma once... but other than that? I didn’t know what was going on. I missed the Minecraft craze when I was in middle school. Even mindless iPhone games just didn’t interest me.

Of course, internet fandom did not escape me. As I got into high school, my interests shifted a lot. When I was more free to use the computer, I practically lived on tumblr (though didn’t we all?). And so even things that weren’t my specific interests were still on my radar. Undertale was..... perhaps the exception to that.

Do you remember those memes that were like “here’s me describing a fandom I only know from my dash”? If you had given me Undetale, I wouldn’t have been able to say anything. (Looking back on it, I’m pretty sure I thought Undertale and Homestuck were the same thing.) “Sans Undertale” was something I had heard before, but I didn’t know who or what that was. Hilarious, in retrospect.

And for context -- when Undertale came out, I was a senior. I wasn’t new to internet fandom, I was very aware. And yet, any knowledge of the game just managed to slip past me somehow. Beyond the fact that it existed, I couldn’t tell you anything. Still though, it seems like Undertale was just... always there. For a lot longer than it really was (again, maybe because I thought it was Homestuck?)

So, we fast forward three years. It’s I’m a junior in college, it’s November, and I’m RPing over on my Tyrone (Gravity Falls) blog. Saturn picks back up her Chara muse, and suddenly all these Undertale blogs start following me. I try to write with as many of them as I can, but I really don’t know what’s going on, and I don’t like writing with fandoms characters from fandoms I don’t know. (That’s actually why I got into Gravity Falls - a Ford followed me on my Star Trek blog, and the rest os history.) So anyway -- I absolutely fall in love with Chara as a character, and the little bits of the story I know through Saturn. I had heard mixed things about the game itself, even people who enjoyed the characters saying things they didn’t like about it. And eventually, on New Year’s Day, with nothing better to do, I decided to bite the bullet and just play.

Needless to say, I had a difficult time. With no video game experience, dodging attacks in the bullet-hell world of Undertale was nearly impossible. But, luckily for me, I was also.... extremely clueless and unobservant. I do recall finding the Faded Ribbon in the Ruins, but I never figured out how to equip items so I went through a majority of the game wearing only the bandage. And of course, that meant that I fled. From.... everything. Which is a fine way to play if you don’t later need money for healing items. I missed a lot of small things along the way too... it’s frankly embarrassing looking back on it. But because I never figured out how to spare, Toriel gave me quite a bit of trouble. And...... in the end, I killed her. I didn’t mean or want to, but I couldn’t figure out any other way. And I didn’t even feel that bad about it. She had creeped me out a bit, unsettled at how much she wanted to keep me with her.

Onto Snowdin. Everything was fine at first, and I decided I wasn’t going to kill anyone else -- just kept running away. Until I got to Dogamy and Dogaressa. I couldn’t avoid their attacks, and eventually I got my first game over. When my game reloaded, I was..... back in the ruins?

Surprise! I never figured out how Save points worked, either.

I somehow managed to save in the crystalized cheese room without realizing what I was doing. But all my progress after that, I lost. I took some time to really evaluate what I was doing. I had started to finally feel guilty for killing Toriel (I think I tried to call her once, and the “but nobody came” message fucked me up), and so I resolved to fix my mistakes and not kill her this time.

I went into her battle and decided I was only going to fight her until she had low HP, and then use a different tactic (had I figured out sparing by this point?? I think maybe.... maybe.) But once again, I failed. I killed her AGAIN. And for anyone who’s never experienced that.... she says something very unsettling.

So after that, I reached Flowey again. and uh --

Needless to say, I was very freaked out by this point. But I persisted. I moved through the rest of Snowdin with minimal trouble, and went on to Waterfall. Undyne.... was a whole other issue. Dodging her attacks was incredibly difficult. My tiny computer keyboard was just not suited to the rapid precise succession in which I had to press the arrows. So I died... and died.... and died. But, the more I played, the better I got. I looked up the fight mechanics, I knew exactly what I had to do to beat her. I actually made it to the Papyrus phone call, which of course is the end of the battle. But dumbass me, didn’t realize that she catches you again after, and that you can flee again right away. So I start fighting her again. I knew that attacking her instead of sparing makes her attacks easier, so that’s what I did. I actually managed to drain her HP! And then....... she killed me.

I knew I needed a new tactic. And, having been running from almost all battles.... I barely had any gold. I had one healing item, and that was it. So.... I did what I had previously vowed to never do. I sought out 2 monsters and killed them. Stocked with more gold and more HP, I returned to battle. And finally -- finally -- I escaped all the way to Hotland.

So, here’s the real kicker about my Undyne battle. By the time I decided to kill more monsters, I had already beaten the battle. If I hadn’t been so oblivious, I wouldn’t have needed to. And yes -- I already had Toriel’s death on my conscience, but deaths with the intent to kill just made me feel even worse. But god, I hated her. I was even willing to kill her. The night before I beat her, I’d been dealing with some personal issues relating to a person I really don’t like. I was determined to take out that anger by beating the shit out of Undyne. I stayed up late fighting her, and the battle made me so anxious that I made myself sick (throwing up and all). I couldn’t get her battle music out of my head. But... I got on the computer the next morning, and did it in one try. I’d finally won. But at what cost? Backtracking to her house revealed... this:

And for the first time, the consequences of my actions, even the smallest ones, started to set in. But it was too late to do anything about it now, so on I went. I killed monsters in Hotland because at this point, there was no point in doing anything else. I remember killing the Royal Guards... I never even learned about their love for each other. As I got to New Home and did the walk through the hallway, hearing the monsters tell the story, I started crying. Now, I’m not a crier normally. Very few things can elicit actual tears from me, but that did. And when I reached Sans in the judgement hall, and he revealed the meaning of EXP and LOVE, I understood. I realized what I had done, and I hated myself for getting this far like this. But again, too late.

I went on to Asgore, and.... I just couldn’t. His attacks were too strong, I was too weak, I had eaten the pie already, and I still didn’t have enough money to even buy Temmie Armor. I was stuck. His battle was too difficult, and I no longer had the Determination to keep going. I tried to make some strategies, I thought maybe taking some time would help. But a few days turned into a week, and a week turned into two weeks, and eventually I started wondering if I would ever pick it back up again. Finally, I decided that I wanted to right my wrongs. I reset, without finishing my neutral run, and played Pacifist, properly.

Pacifist runs are the same across the board, so I won’t give you too many details. Well, except the few things the game remembered from before...

Thanks Flowey.

And that was that. I laughed, I cried.... I knew a lot of the twists already, but there were so many wonderful surprises I didn’t know about. I could feel the love the game radiated -- and yes, I do love Undyne now more than almost any character from anything.

So, two months after playing, I’m reflecting on my choices, and what I’ve done since. I feel like I’ve dived into the 2015 fandom, but three years later. It’s odd, discovering such old content for the first time. I’ve introduced a few friends to the game, and though I tried to not backseat game, they asked for help and I readily gave it. But I told from from the get-go: don’t kill anything. My biggest fear was that they would kill monsters by accident, get to the end, but not like the game enough to go back and play the whole thing again. And I was convinced that the true ending is what makes the game so meaningful.

I was wrong.

As much as the ending got to me, I think I needed the experience of my first run -- with all my messy murders and shambling gameplay tactics -- to make the happy ending sink in. Which is what, I believe, was the intention of the game from the beginning. Toby knew that a lot of people would go into the game thinking they had to kill, and by the time they realized otherwise, it would be too late. The game is designed in such a way that playing it twice isn’t entirely tedious, with plenty of hidden gems you only get to find by making difference choices. Feeling your sins crawling on your back, realizing that you’ve been a villain, hearing Papyrus tell you that Undyne’s called you a murderer -- it makes you feel. It gives you an odd attachment to the characters that I don’t think you actually get if you go Pacifist the first time.

And no, I never finished my neutral run. I never was faced with the decision of whether or not to kill Asgore, already having blood (er, dust) on my hands. I never had to decide what to do about killing Flowey either. For an intentional Pacifist run, those questions were no-brainers. I never got to see what my phone call would be like (the Undyne ending is some scary shit from what I can tell). I sort of wish I had. But in the end, I think it says a lot that I literally couldn’t despite being so close.

My friends never got any of that experience. One of them went on to say something like “how could anyone kill people!!! They’re all so nice!! Imagine killing Toriel!! Anyone who does genocide is a terrible person!” And.... well, I know that it’s that kind of logic that gave the fandom such a bad reputation in the early days. And I just don’t agree. Not because I want to justify my actions, but because I really think that you don’t get the full impact of the story and the true ending unless you’ve gotten a “bad” ending first. But again, that’s just my personal experience.

I don’t know if there’s a real moral to this story. All of this was much more eloquent and had a purpose in my head, but writing it.... well, I dunno. I think if you ask most people, they’ll tell you that Undertale came into their lives at a crucial time. Or that it had some sort of big impact on their lives. For me, I find it hard to put into words exactly what it’s done for me. I just know it’s something really special. After all, a video game where you don’t have to kill anyone, where violence is never the answer, and mercy is the point of the story -- that’s the kind of game my mom would’ve let me play as a kid.

But hey, I’m, preaching to the choir here, aren’t I? We all wouldn’t be here right now if it hadn’t touched our lives in some way, and I’m not saying anything that hasn’t already been said by people over the years. I’m just -- very very grateful. For the friends, the memories, the experience. And Papyrus, just because.

#god this is so long but i didn't feel like editing it... i'm really emotional rehashing all this though #* you will determine the future of this world . OUT

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