#super proud of the piece i posted and cant wait to work more on the reunion of maemags but itll be a lot of work still lol

[thecoolblackwaves]

“The Reunification of Two Lost Souls” say more about this 👀

This one has very little actually written for it yet, but oh my god I'm so excited for it (assuming I ever finish eeee)

It's a slashy sequel to a character exploration piece I wrote for Maedhros posted here to ao3

Maedhros has floated through the void, got reshaped in the halls, worked through some stuff in a journey of self forgiveness, and has now been deposited in the jungles of Valinor to try to rebuild a life. Maglor sailed sometime around the Fourth Age and basically voluntarily went through the Halls as well because he needed so much healing and reshaping in both soul and body. So now they are both fresh faced and wandering aimlessly through the jungles when they run into each other and have a very emotional reunion.

The premise is Maglor comes upon Maedhros floating in a serene basin of a waterfall and is so sure that he is having visions because he doesn't know his brother has been released from the Void, let alone Mandos. How could anyone look so perfect anyways, it cant be real. When Maedhros opens his eyes to see him, he has basically the same thoughts, that such a beautiful place is making him remember his beautiful brother looking at him but it can't really be because Maglor was wandering the shores last he heard.

The cool water of the falls was a balm to Maedhros’ tender feä and hroä. He lay back with a long sigh, allowing the pool to embrace and carry him.

Of course they eventually figure out that they are both in fact real and alive and reshaped, then there's lots of tears and talking and embracing. They fall asleep in the grass and bathe in the light like they never thought they'd enjoy again. Eventually their conversation leads to the 5000 year old situashionship they've had - always close, devoted, longing, unspokenly in love but never quite taking that last step or acknowledging anything. Now is the time though, so it ends in earth shattering tender lovemaking I have not yet written lmao but I will get there

[crossovereddie]

Thoughts on Gallavich Hall of Shame

Wow okay this is the latest I’ve ever posted a weekly recap and I feel awful about it but mom life amirite? I’ve seen a lot of negative posts about this episode( maybe I just follow the wrong people) so ngl I’m kinda worried about watching it. Ugh. This is why I try to not look up things until I’ve had a chance to recap because I hate being influenced by other people’s opinions BUT I’m gonna try my best to find the positive things in the episode and keep this light hearted and fun like I’ve been trying to do all season! Okay I’ll shut up now and get right into why you’re really reading this post:

Oh baby Gallavich :(((((

THEY WERE SO LITTLE

Bitch don’t even say the word divorce

They’re sitting side by side playing a game together 😭😭😭😭

Mickey loves blowing ian pass it on

Oh fuck I forgot that belt move ian did 🤤🤤🤤

Nob job lmao

MID GOBBLE

ugh Ned was the most disgusting piece of shit

Who are those two exes wtf

I don’t know their names but I forgot I never watched any episode Mickey wasn’t in lmao

WAIT A WOMAN WHAT THE FUCK

Wow Mickey Milkovich really deserves so much better

Compilation of Mickey saying fuck THANK YOU

Omfg s4 Mickey was actually perfect

“Course you will. That’s your whole fucking MO” oh shit..

Wow remembering the past is really making me hate ian again lmao

Just when I started loving him for once

But then I remember how much he’s grown and I love him again

Fuck the writers tho

Let me write Gallavich please I’d do a much better job

Okay y’all really made it seem like Mickey was super offensive with his bipolar comment

I’m bipolar and hate when people use the term lightly but cmon guys that was nothing

He even called it a bipolar episode. He didn’t say anything offensive at all omfg. I was over here thinking he called him a psycho or something.

Some of y’all just gotta stop watching and stick to fanfics or something.

“I wish I never met you.” “Me either” THEN THEIR FUCKING WEDDING FUCK YALL NOW IM IN MY FEELS 😭😭

They’ve been through so much wow

Okay I need to see Mickey wearing a fanny pack

THE RING AND THE FLASHBACK STOP

GIVE MICKEY AND IAN A BABY

Fuck I need to rewatch the wedding

“Stupid gallagher” same

Mickey giving the Fanny pack back my boy is such a Good Samaritan wow I raised you so well I’m so proud my perfect son

SHIT I JUST REALIZED WHAT SONG IS PLAYING FUCK THIS YALL IM OUT 😭😭😭😭😭

Oh gosh I thought we were done seeing ian Gallagher’s dance moves

Why would they put us through that again

“Stupid Milkovich” you watch your mouth

But we love when a man learns from his mistakes

Now kiss

Mickey is beautiful damn ian is so lucky

Now this is the type of flashback I like to see

MICKEY SAYING HES SENSITIVE DO YALL REALIZE HOW BIG THAT IS?!

Ugh I love him so much

I’m so proud to be his mom

Okay unpopular opinion but I actually love that little how’d your bipolar tirade go how’d your stealing shit go

If you’ve been with someone through their rock bottoms you’ll understand how not offensive at all that interaction was

They both said things they felt bad about saying and now they’re having a bit of banter about it

“We work well together”

GUYES THEYRE ACTUALLY TALKING THINGS OUT THIS IS HUGE

They needed space after feelings got hurt but now they’re coming together to make up and actually talk things over

They’re learning and growing apart AND together

They both had the horrible childhoods and they’re doing their best

It takes years and years of therapy to work through deep rooted issues like that. I’m STILL seeing a therapist twice a week and I still have issues.

Just imagine. They’re how old? Mid to late twenties and neither of them have properly dealt with their issues and mental health problems. You can’t expect them to be the perfect couple you read about in fanfics. Yeah shameless is over the top but it’s a tv show that has stayed on the air for 11 seasons BECAUSE of how over the top it is. Stop expecting these characters to be healed healthy woke changed characters from one season to the next when they haven’t even properly dealt with their issues and it would honestly be very ooc if they did deal with their issues in a healthy way

I wish they would but that’s not the shameless way.

Well that was a long rant but honestly it was needed

Ugh I hate reliving terry this is the worst my heart is breaking

I skipped fast

Terry is definitely worse but yeah they’re both pieces of shit

Shit I forgot how abusive frank was

They both deserve so much better

They’re so cute oh gosh

We love communication

Okay but fr taking a bath with your SO isn’t as romantic as people think or maybe I’m just not a romantic lmao

Unless it’s a big bathtub with leg room

Mickey has the best lines

He’s so funny 😭😭😭

Mickey loves being manhandled✨✨✨✨

Honestly? I really think they would be really into some safe consensual bdsm play and they deserve to have that

PICK HIM UP IAN PLEASE ITS WHAT HE WANTS

fucking love you

I love you too

MUTUAL I LOVE YOUS ARE MY FAVORITE THING

IAN LOVES TO DO THE THUMB THING I CANT

HE DID IT EIGHT TIMES IN THREE SECONDS I COUNTED

they’re so perfect for each other :(((

A kissing compilation 😭😭

THE S7 VAN KISS HAS MY HEART

I still want a scene of Mickey making fun of Ian’s black hair

THE WEDDING 😭😭😭

I’m in tears again

THE KEY CHANGE WITH IAN SAYS MICKEY STILL GETS ME 😭😭😭😭

“Now?” HOW DOES ONE WORD GET SUCH A BIG REACTION FROM ME

I deserved to be at that wedding 😭😭😭

“But not these newlyweds” damn right

THE BLOOPERS

I love them so much

I LOVE SEEING NOEL AND CAM AT WORK

What a treat

SWEET LOVING MOUTH

THE THUMB THING AGAIN

JUST FOR ME

I MISS SEASONN FOUR MICKEY I WANNA GO WATCH HIM NOW

I love Mickey more than anything 😭😭

Okay that was so much better than I was expecting! I know I ranted a lot and I’m probably gonna get some angry comments and messages but I honestly don’t care. Have your opinion and I’ll have my own and if you wanna discuss things like adults I’ll reply but if not then I don’t have time for the negativity. My boys actually communicated and didn’t self sabotage for once and I’m so proud. I love not being as invested as I used to be because now I can actually enjoy their scenes! Anyway it’s late where I’m at and I haven’t been getting much sleep so I’m gonna stop rambling. Let me know what you thought of this episode! Oh and real quick! I noticed I got a flood of new followers in the past two weeks so i just wanted to say feel free to send me messages on and off anon! I like talking to y’all! I promise I’m nice lol! Okay bye I love Mickey so much!

[pbandjesse]

I honestly cant believe today it over. The last couple days just really flew by. It was a good couple days but this just means I start my new job tomorrow! Wild. 

I did get to see the moon last night. The way the moon path goes I can lay in bed around 11 and see the moon for almost an hour. Its great. 

And I did sleep well. The extra hour of sleep was very nice. And while I didnt wake up at 715 like I wanted, waking up at 9 allowed me to feel a lot better. Though I was sad I only vaguely remembered saying goodbye to James. 

I got up and got showered and dressed. My skin is looking great and I only have a few more days of the one. So I wont have to shower so much anymore. I will probably still take the double showers some days, but its a little exhausting honestly. 

I felt cute and good today though. I liked my outfit. I love wearing tights. It was rainy and grey and I was just in a good mood. 

I spent the morning playing animal crossing and starting to post on the new store instagram. I am pretty excited. I have already made 3 sales. Jess may back out of the whole thing. There have been some technical issues and she just doesnt really want to deal with it. But I am having a good time at least. I am going to post a few things every day for the next few weeks and make things as I go. But so far I have had great feedback. 

I had a good time playing animal crossing too because its a new month! Last night when James got home we played together for the first time in a while and doing all the halloween stuff was fun. Handing out candy and things. But now halloween is over, so I am picking up most of the pumpkins, in favor of the new mushrooms you can grow. I am going to leave the decorations up for a while longer as we collect more christmasy things. But I am excited by new things so thats pretty great. 

Around 11 I decided to go for a drive. It was raining but not to bad. But of course as soon as I left the house it started pouring. I went back upstairs to get a raincoat and then I was off. 

As I waited at the light to get on the highway, a homeless man asked for change. I did not have change so I gave him the $5 bill I had and he was super nice to me. We talked for a minute while the light was red. Someone had shot him with a paintball gun last night. I felt so bad. Then he asked me where I was from because I had an accent! I always think thats funny when people say that. James says I have a dialect for sure, and its my diction as well. Neat. 

I went out to savers. Driving was a bit scary. Despite all the work on the car, the little traction light is still coming on. Ugh. But I made it to the thrift store in one piece. 

I had a nice time walking around there. I got an amazing lobster rug and a piece of fabric. But the best find was for James. I finally found slippers for him! Except they arent just slippers, they are grey name brand Uggs. For $10. And they fit him! Amazing. So proud of myself for that one. 

I wandered around for a while though. Enjoyed my time out. Not as many weird things today. But a nice walk around. 

When I was done there I went and got lunch across the street. Continued to listen to a podcast. And then went to get some snack based groceries. 

That was a nice time. Thinking about things to put in my lunch this week. Had fun looking at the christmas stuff they are starting to put out. 

I was only very annoyed when I went to my car. Because the cart I was using locked its wheels about 30 feet from my far!! I was still in the parking lot!! Stupid cart. I had to put it in the little cart shelter and then carry all my stupid things to the car. In the rain. So then I was both wet and hot. 

I drove home. Had some issues because of 3 separate accidents that had 83 very very backed up. Making single lanes each time, but of course it was not in the same lane. 

But I still got home soon enough. 

I brought in some of my stuff. Left the heavy things in there. And did some putting away. Some cleaning. Some playing with sweetp. Helping Jess with some google issues and working on some store stuff. I got a little upset by a comment she made about how she would have given up a while ago if I wasnt so excited about the store. And like. Yeah Ive felt that from you. I told her she didnt need to do it with me, but she said she has made a lot of masks already so shes going to. But like. It makes it hard for me to feel good about being excited about something when someone says stuff like that. So I dont know what will happen on her end but I am going to keep going and try to not let it bother me. 

I decided to go for a walk. I went over to walgreens and got nail polish. And when I got home James was here! Hello boyfriend. 

We hung out for a while. And then he made me a taco. Except when he heated up the tortilla, sweetP jumped on the counter and melted his whiskers and got his face singed. I was so upset. He doesnt seem hurt at all but his face was all curly and his chin and chest are burnt. I trimmed it a bit and cleaned him off with a wet paper towel. Im more upset when he is for sure. But still. 

James felt really bad. But it wasnt anyone's fault. It all just happened really fast. 

After dinner James had trivia. I decided not to participate this week. Instead I decided to cut my hair. I put it in two pig tails and chopped off 4 inches of hair. I got a cute bob now. Very nice for the fall. 

Once I finished cleaning up my hair I took a bath. Relaxed. It was a nice time. 

I laid in bed and watched videos for a while. Then went to sit with James as the game was finishing and Lane recited Dante's amazing parody poem. And we showed off our moths. It was a goofy time. 

Now I am in bed. I am cold. James is in the shower. I am going to put a differnt sweater on and try to get to sleep quick. Because I have work tomorrow!! I dont know if I will actually have any kids. But my plan is to get to know my coworkers and set up some art bins for the kids so they dont have to share tools. I hope we eventually get some kids but not having any tomorrow will be alright. I got plans. 

I hope you all sleep well tonight. Take care of yourselves and eachother. Goodnight!

[not-ur-normie]

The demon brothers as a kpop group (+ Diavolo)

Hey there! This is my very first headcanon thingy, so i would like to apologise for my bad english, its not my mother language. Also, it was so long ago when i last wrote anything similar in english, so once again, sorry. 

Anyway, i really wanted to write it, so let me know if you like it! + If you want general group headcanons with them as a kpop group, pls let me know it as well! (Or a similar one with Simeon, Luke and Solomon, hehe) Love! 

The demon brothers as a kpop group (+Diavolo)

DIAVOLO - The CEO of the company - It was the main goal in all his life to see Lucifer shining on stage - Okay, not, actually he only knows Lucifer since a shitty survival program - I mean, Lucifer is already hiper super extra giga mega beautiful in his eyes, but! Lucifer! on! stage! is the main Lucifer - So he maid a company for him - Lucifer was like 'wtf dID U DO' (okay, he didnt say it in this way, but-) - He is an understanding boss - Doesnt plan to debut any other group, so his company wont suck lol - Has all the money only for the bois - Altho he is really kind and understanding, he expects the guys to work extra hard do achive success - Sometimes goes to variety shows with his group and acting like a proud dad around them - Fans say that he is the 8th member of the group - Has his own fansites - Sometimes does modelling (has a duo photoshoot with Lucifer which he is extra proud of and some of its pieces are on his wall in a big canvas) - Fans ship him with Lucifer (not suprising) - He bought two houses next to each other. One is his and the other is the guys'. - Has a cameo in one of the mvs of the group - Does acting, has a lots of main roles - He is POPULAR

LUCIFER - Leader of the group - Also dad of the group (i mean if you dont count Diavolo) - He and the others participated in a survival program, but didnt make it - Got kicked out of their prev company - Thats when Diavolo became a fan of him and decided on founding one for him - Lucifer only agreed on joining if his teammeat could go too - Most popular in the group - Does everything Diavolo asks him to do - Makes the guys practicing till morning - Barely sleeps - Also does acting - Really bad at doing fanservice - Extremely caring towards fans - Always makes sure that the fans are doing okay, writes short messages on fancafe, uploads pictures (never about himself) on ig and twitter and reminds fans to take care of themselfs - Staying up super late to read fancafe letters from fans - Gives special attention to communicate with fans - However... He shamlessly blocks fans who upload meme pics about him or hurt his pride - HE IS SERIOUS - Thanks to this, fans never EVER mock him - Has a solo album - Won against his own group once in a music show (Levi said how it was not fair and Satan was pissed) - Never dyed his hair and never will - According to some poll, he is one of the most handsome men in kpop - He hates fanwars and when there is one, he tells the fans to stop  - He also hates rumors

MAMMON - He wanted to became a worldwide idol so he can get more money - Actually he was really bad at everything when he joined that survival program - Fans started to love him bc of his hard work (((for the money))) - Always forgets their own choreography - The whole fandom jokes about how stupid he is - He is always truly offended and scolds the fans on vlive - Fans make memes out of him and love dissing him - Fans think he is super cute and he is loveing it - LOVES fansigns but always blushes if he needs to hold hands with fans - Tries to act tough anyway - Cries in every. fkin. concert. (giving birth to new memes lol) - Once made a "joke" about how fans should donate him money instead of giving presents and it became a HUGE scandal, Lucifer and Diavolo deadass wanted to kick him out of the group - Does vlive a lot bc he loves talking about everything: how he bought a new car, new shoes, how he wanted to prank Lucifer with Satan and how they failed blah blah and so on - He is that member with zero lines, but has fair screentime - Modelling and super popular - Tried acting bc "he is too good at everything" but failed (he is not too good, but too shy lol) - The loudest member - Variety shows love him thanks to his idiotism - He says he is the "cutie sexy" member of the team - Once a fan started crying in front of him at a fansign out of happiness and Mammon was so touched he started crying as well

LEVIATHAN - His nickname is Leviachan for a reason - Fans know how much of an otaku he is so they always buy him anime related stuff and LEVI IS TRULY HAPPY ALL THE TIME - He even post about his presents at twitter and ig - Does gameplay vlives - Also has a youtube channel where he uploads every kind of videos: gameplays, gameplays, anime reviews, manga recommendations, gameplays, videos about his Ruri-chan collection, gamplays... and more gameplays - Uploaded a video where he and Mammon tried to snake into Lucifer's room to film him while he is asleep, but got caught and Lucifer started to shout at them - He needed to deletet it bc Lucifer wanted to kill him for publishing it - Fans didnt reupload out of fear from Lucifer - Shy at fansigns but compfy with old fans and fansites - Doing cosplay - At the begining he was reather shy on stage, but since he got used to it... aegyo all the way - Loves when they promote in Japan - In variety shows when the mcs ask him about his hobbies he always ends up talking too much, so to others need to stop him - According to fans, he has e-boy vibes - He is the one who posts everything thats happening with them on twitter, so the fans really ALWAYS know whats up whit the guys - Once accidentally tweeted out their hotel room numbers and fans found them (Lucifer was hella angry)

SATAN - Mom of the group, even if he hates it - Like if Lucifer is the dad, no way that he is the mom - Also prince of the group - Has good vocals but can rap too - Writes lyrics - Started acting bc he was sure he is better than Lucifer - Won an award for his main role in a detective series - Has a whole collection of books bought by fans - Gets angry easily which is the reason why fans often mock and make memes about him - Reads the messages fans send him and replies; sometimes its only a heart, sometims its advice or kind words - Came up with the groups greeting - According to the other members fansites, he is so handsome that its hard to not take pictures of him - Thanks to this, all the others fansites have at least two posts about him - Fans going insane when he starts smiling - Plays the guitar - Multilanguage king - Cant do fanservice - Literally hates fanservice - Once in Weekly Idol, him and Lucifer needed to hold hands and say nice things to each other after the others told the mcs how awkward their relationship is - That was the worst moment in his entire life - Wanna do a solo album, but didnt have the chance yet (Diavolo promisd him tho) - He has th best fashion sense after Asmo - Has a cat in the dorm and the fans love it like its their own - He has a great memory, so he remembers the names of the fans who attended their fansigns at least two times 

ASMODEUS - Main vocal of the group - Self claimed visual of the group - He posts the most, almost everyday - Loves doing make up - The most fashionable member - A big ass diva - Went to king of masked singer but didnt win it - Has a solo album - He loVES FANSERVICE, HE LIVES FOR IT - With members, with fans, it doesnt really matter - The best at fansigns, he is so direct - Hold hands with fans, gives hugs, let them touch him - On the groups YouTube channel, he has this special segment called "Asmo cam" - He shows whats happening in backstage during promotions - Designed their debut album's look - Also designed the lightstick - Complains to the stylists if he dislikes an outfit - MCing - Reads the fanfictions fans write about the group and teases the members with it - Doing shower vlives, where there is only voice, so the fans can hear him singing in the shower (he also brags about how beautiful he is and how unlucky his fans not seeing the full beauty of his body) - If a fan post about him saying dirty things, he will reply with even more dirtyer stuff - Most of his fans are hard stans

BEELZEBUB - Maybe i am headcanoning it wrong, but for me Beelzebub is a rapper - The only reason he is not part of the aegyo line bc he never does aegyo but naturally cute enough for fans to cry over his cuteness - He is so sad that fans mustnt give him food in fansigns, but Diavolo is against it out of fear of some antifan trying to poison them - Mukbang videos - Mukbang shows love and hate him at the same time - Eating everywhere and everytime - He even eats at the middle of concerts - Fans have a bunch of memes about him - According to fans, he is like a big puppy who must be protected by all costs - All cool and serious on stage, all cuddly and cutie off stage - Main dancer of the group, always helps with the choreographys - Has an own restaurant, where fans can buy his fav foods... And there is a lot of that - One of the sweetest bubs in fansigns, he is easygoing and thanks to this its not hard to talk to him - Fans dieing to see him take off his shirt, but it havent happend yet - In one of his birthday lives Mammon dropped his cake out of accident and HE WAS SUPER SAD - Most of his social media post are about food. What he ate, whats he wanna eating, what he recommends eating, notes to fans to dont forget to eat - Fans never tell him to dont forget to eat, bc they know he wouldnt - Fans ship him with Asmo and Belphie - Loves tours bc he can eat a lot of delicious food around the world

BELPHEGOR - Devil maknae - Makes fun of his hyungs, but loves them endlessly - Sleeps in backstage all the time; while his make up is done, while his hair is done, why waiting for rehearsal - Lucifer has the hardest time with him if it comes to practice - I mean, Belphie deadass can fall asleep the middle of some choreo - Didnt love doing agyeo, but fans are over the moon if he does, so he is doing it often - He doesnt have a fixed role in the group, sometimes he sings and sometimes he raps - One of the best dancers, but he is too lazy to show his full potential - He often falls asleep while doing vlives - Once in an ig live he told the fans that it doesnt bother him that they have haters, bc he hates the haters as well - He barely posts on social media; if there are pictures about him, they are mostly from the other members (especially from Beel) - He has a super big pillow he got from a fan to his birthday when he was still a trainee and this is his favourite pillow - He is the one with zero solo activity, bc if he has free time he reather sleeps than going to shoot something

Feel free to add anything that comes into your mind!

[burnedbyshoto]

if you sent any asks (recommendations for things don’t count as I have to look around!) since october 17 until october 22 it is in here :)

anon said: The header for your askbox response post is *aesthetic*. I think it’s a really good idea to post one every few days if you have the time. ❤️

well, thANK YOUUUUU!!!!! I put in a whopping 10 minutes into it because I had no idea what I was doing! i’ll definitely be doing asks this way now though.

big dick kiri anon said: !!!!!! ILY HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY PLS HYDRATE 💙💙❤️❤️ -bigdickkiri

Omg love! Please don’t worry about kinktober just breathe! Take your time and try to relax 💙❤️- bigdickkiri

DAMN, that is a LOT. Please look after yourself and don't stress about it love!! - bigdickkiri

I'm very excited. BUT PLEASE LOOK AFTER YOURSELF, DO NOT FORCE ANY OF THIS OMG - bigdickkiri

AHH, AMAZING, TALENTED SWEETHEART, GORGEOUS LOVE, HAVE A INCREDIBLE DAY AND HYDRATE - bigdickkiri

I believe I did have a good day, and I am actually super bad at hydrating, buT ILL TRY TO GET BETTER!!!!

I am breathing!!!! JUSTTT BREATHEEEE!!! I am taking my time now and relaxing to the best of my ability :D thank you so much bdk I love you with all my soul

theres always a lot, but if im not doing a lot I dont do anything so on one hand.... it’s okay LMAO but I will continue to try and not stress :D

BDK I WOULD NEVER WANT TO MAKE YOU THINK IM FORCING THIS OUT OF MEEEE ILL TRY MY BEST TO MAKE YOU PROUD

GHSOGHJIAORGJRGIRAHG YOURE AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, TERRIFIC, INCREDIBLE!!!!!!! YOU HYDRATE AND MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU

@bread-theduck​ said: We love you and support you ❤ dont push yourself, your mental health is so much more important that kinktober haha. Take all the time you need, we're right here and open if you wanna talk~

I don’t really try to push myself... it just happens subconsciously D: but thank you for the love and support!!!! my mental health is stronger than I give it credit though

anon said: listen! we all appreciate you and your writing dearly but! I think we can all agree that we want you to be okay mentally and physically before you make yourself write! kinktober can wait! you’re more important!! at the very least, pls take a break for tonight.

I honestly can’t even remember when i said I was tired, but thank you for your kind words regardless!!!! I am trying to get better at it because i don’t want to disappoint you guys D:

@saintbullet​ said: Please take care of yourself!!! DONT risk your health for writing. We care about you so much! Be careful 💕💕💕

I know I push myself a lot, and i’m really sorry for scaring you all!!!! I am trying though, and it just has a lot to do with my mental fatigue and that im judging some hard classes right now then it has to do with anything

anon said: hey it'll be alright! idk whats wrong but i promise everything will work out like its supposed to! you just take care of yourself and take as much time as you need to feel better!! we love u!! ♥️

It wAS MY PERIOD I REMEMBER NOW AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I LOVE YOU TOOOOOOOO WITH ALL THE LOVE MY HEART POSSES!!!!!!

anon said: periods can be a pain so pls take care of yourself!! drink lots of water and rest up!!!

my period is the worst, if she was a person i’d block her and avoid her irl!!!!!!!!

anon said: Lol ok so gay for Mina anon back and no, I was not the anon who requested it. But lmao, let me take this time to whole heartedly thank that anon for quenching my thirst anyways

oh whoops, sorry for thinking you were someone else D: iM GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU WERE HAPPY WITH IT!!! READER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BAD GUY BUT I COULDN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE IT WORK LMAO

anon said: I am just planning on hanging out and reading all the lovely writing that comes from this

i’m pretty sure this is about my nsfw/sfw headcanons, and honestly im sooo very excited to start working on them!!!!!!!!

anon said: you have no idea how happy I got when I saw u posted for mina like UGH MY WIFE I LOVE HER SO MUCH 🥺🥺🥺 N GIVING US GAYS AMAZING CONTENT UR AMAZING MWAH MWAH KEEP BEING THE PERFECT ANGEL U ARE 🥺🥺💞💗💖💕💓💝

AHHHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT MINA IS LIKE MY FAV CLASS 1-A GIRL SO I LOVE HER SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHH YOURE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU AND YOURE AN ANGEL!!!!!!!

many a anons said: Sorry I didn’t see the part where you said not to request characters that were already on the list I thought that was the list of character we could vote for.

so sorry I accidentally sent a character in that has already been requested, Tumblr didn't show me the follow up posts ;;

nooo I didn’t see the list I’m so sorry 😭😭😭

LOL ITS OKAYYYY. y’all were hoes and kept sending me shouto who I couldn’t even think about deleting from my list... so... you are lucky >:(

anon said: hello! not a request here but take care of yourself anc stay hydrated bb 🥰🥰

I got my water right next to me rn bby :D

anon said: be todoroki’s girlfriend

bitch I am todorokis WIFE, why would I need to dress up???

@girl-with-a-mentality​ said: You can be todoroni for Halloween.

....you right...

anon said: Thirst post infoo ;3 I found a doujinshi of Bakugo being teased and toyed with sexually with by Ochako, Yaomomo, and our lovely momma Mina

...send it

anon said: GIRLLLLLL

ANONNNNNNNNNNNNN ;)

local dumbass anon said: local dumbass is here once again, i thiink you know who i am and might've found my ig buuuuuut..?

uh.... I don’t know???????? I only followed people on insta if you gave me your handle or followed me first.... also did you cut your bangs?

anon said: Your Monoma scenario was really good!If we’re being honest, though, Monoma would literally start foaming at the mouth if he saw anyone from 1-A making physical contact with his s/o, ESPECIALLY Bakugou. They would have to call animal control because there would be a rabid Monoma in the dorms lol

okay... while you’re not wrong, I just thought 18 year old monoma should have grown up just the tiniest bit! plus his obsession is controlled because of his insecurity so LMAO IDK I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE UGH

@awkward-theaterkid​ said: I was reading your Day 19 Fic but I couldnt take it seriously, the title "My Way" kept reminding me of the Backstreet Boys "I want it that way" and it keeps popping up while I read it 😂

as someone who only heard that song because of b99 I read this and immediately thought of b99 LMAOOOOO

🍒💥anon said: URGENT PSA: LYSSA IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND I LOVE HER -🍒💥

Hello Queen Lyssa, I finally read "And They Were Roommates" and have absolutely no idea why I put it off so long! ITS A MASTERPIECE. Each chapter is addictive and the slow burn and angst destroyed me 😭 The smut in the final chapter is flawless and sooooooooooooooooooo H O T. Shoto wasnt even my favorite character but he might have to be now (or at least in my top 3) 😰 This is my new favorite series and I cant wait to re-read it!!!! YOURE AMAZING AND ILY. You own my soul now -🍒💥

URGENT PSA I LOVE YOU CHERRY EXPLOSION AND YOURE AMAZING :D

ATWR holds a special place in my heart uwu.... HAOGHIOSRGSIOGJSIHG THANK YOU!!!!! SHOUTO IS AN AMAZING CHARACTER WHO I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEARRTTTTTT

~ thank you to @didyoumeanme​, @kittenlordofdarkness​, @soafers​ for submitting memes and animal pics for my rommate, much appreciated :D ~

anon said: Did the local dumbass anon ever cut their bangs? Do you know?

....I dont know, but I just asked her rn >:)

this paragraph is dedicated to those surrounding to the meltdown mess that occurred yesterday. to each and every one of you who sent me kind words via my askbox or directly contacting me, thank you. I really want to move past this because I feel by holding on it will make me feel less inclined to write because of my guilt. of course, I do not expect you to forgive me, or trust me in my story of how it went down, because at the end of the day it was my mistake for trusting in someone to write with pure intentions when I didn’t know if she could. im trying to continue on with my best foot forward and im grateful for those of you who trusted in me. I swear I will never push myself again, and that I will instead take my time in order to publish my original work and only my original work and not take anything that comes from a “friend”. know that I love you all, and I dont know how to take it easy so my break lasted a whooping 10 hours, and my blog won’t discontinue until im done with bnha or...I get into medschool which is still 3 years away, I am taking care of myself, im staying hydrated, im trying not to put myself down anymore, I will keep going, & will forever continue to be more careful with what I post. also, no one was really coming for me, so don’t worry if you thought so lol. (to you 9 anons who expressed their kind thoughts to me, thank you. to big dick kiri anon thank you. to @bqkubabey​, @flayvus​, & @ultimate-shit-poster​ thank you so so much you really helped me not drown myself in my own guilt.)

anon said: i hope you’re feeling okay today :((

I am feeling a lot better. unfortuantely I did make myself really sick yesterday because ive never been as stressed in my life ever, but im okay now. there’s nothing I can do more for what happened so I will try to continue on as best as I can and I appreciate you caring... ilysm :)

@ikinabi​ said: Your writing??? Actually god sent 🥵👌 and the way you write Mirio gets me GOING

BAHAHAH NOOOOO ITS NOT PLAFUAOGHJIPRAHAR MY MIRIO PIECE YOU LIKED WAS MY FIRST PIECE ON HIM AND OOO BOY I DID NOT DO HIM JUSTICE

anon said: fuck buddy iida is a thought that has never crossed my mind but now that i’ve seen your post i am intrigued haha

well... it is up :) if you wanna check her out :)

anon said: You dont have to answer if you dont wanna but i just wanna see if your okay. I hope your end your doing well and not stressing.

i’m doing much better than I was yesterday!!! I just needed to rest and calm down and stop attacking myself. thank you for checking in!!! it means so much :,)

[truthoradair101]

I Wish NaNoWriMo Started Today... Thatd Be Nice

BECAUSE HOLY CRAP I HAVE ALMOST WRITTEN 5000 WORDS TODAY AND IT IS ONLY FOUR O CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON.

That would be useful.

But also like I’m super excited for everything that’s happening in basically all my projects next... today was truly just getting through a lot of the exposition which I really enjoy but also KNOW everything that happens so clearly... so it’ll be really fun to explore soon (and sometimes I can do stuff quicker like that).

I’m going to be writing a ton more today and tomorrow (hopefully) I want to work on finishing all my planning for project teal and getting some last minute words in for yellow and gold.

I’ve been using this website called Fighter’s Block for all my words past 1500 and it’s been SUPER helpful. I HIGHLY recommend it.

So far today I’ve written 1575 words for project blue, 1426 for pink, and 1876 for purple. I’m sooo proud of this.

I think that today I’m also going to edit and post some aesthetics for project blue most likely (since I already have quite a few made and some others that just need to be finished up.... other projects are a different story....) but we’ll see. My WIP tags are also in progress for all my projects excluding blue since I already did that...

I also probably should do a more detailed outline of just... everything coming up soon though.... we’ll see I might just put it off til tomorrow... because I still have words I want to write.

I ALSO am making playlists for characters, friendships, overall projects, etc. that sort of thing, right now it’s all kind of in pieces but I’m working on it so that’s progress.

Cant wait for NaNo to start Monday! Good luck to anyone who is doing it, I’d love to hear how it’s going once it starts for all of you and what you’re writing about!

If there’s anything you’d like me to do, or if you have questions, feel free to suggest them! I’m always open to them!

Happy writing!

All posts and information for all of my writing projects and Camp NaNoWriMo July 2019 can be found under the tag #GraceWritesYA2019

[dailysarina]

The Sarina Project

Ok so I gotta put a little A/N at the start of this one beacuse I realized I have to make a litttttllllleee change to this story. Soz. Annyywaaayyyy... I’ve decided to change the POV from first person to third person, which I know is probably SUPER annoying for you but I promise this chapter would work better if it was not just from Karina’s POV. So I hope y’all are ready for some ~e p i c~ punk!Sarah thoughts ^-^

The Sarina Project

Chapter 18: I Hate My Freinds

“Are you sure your ready to do this?” Emily viciously inquired of DJ, who just happened to be sitting next to her. (A/N: Remember, Karina is NOT narrating this she is NOT HERE hehe ^-^)

“Are you kidding??? I’m literally James Bond,” DJ said, popping the p. “I’ve snuck into like 15 classrooms already this year.”

“OMG ME TOO!” Emily said back in response to DJ.

“Ya exactly we snuck into those classrooms together,” DJ unimpressedly said. They both laughed at Emily’s forgetfulness.

“Haha,” she laughed, giggling.

“Ok lets go,” DJ said, immediately jumping into a James Bond somersault and kicking the door to the classroom. Emily crept in behind him, her greenish, hazelish, slightly brown speckled balls of sight gazing over the cold, lifeless, OPPRESSIVE, torture seats... aka... DESKS. (A/N: hahahahhahaha I hate school sum1 halp plz 😭😂)

“There’s no one in here,” Emily said after about ten minutes observations.

“Wow it’s not like I can see the exact same classroom,” DJ sarcastically quipped back at her in such a tone that only DJ could recreate.

“Just get to the desk,” Emily said, deciding to suddenly use her gymnastics skills to backflip across the room and onto the teacher’s desk.

“Wow I, definitely good enough for the olympics if I can do that,” Emily said, obviously very very proud of her recent accomplishments. Ever since she was two days and fifteen hours and 32 minutes old, she had wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. Gymnastics was her LAIFE!! (A/N: Chipotle is laiiifffeee heh XD). DJ rolled his brown orbs he used for seeing almost every day back into his head at Emily’s showyoffiness and walked over to the same teachers desk Emily was standing on.

“I saw Mrs. Bersbedasukeon put the paper with our group project partners on the third drawer from the bottom on the right said,” DJ told Emily, DABBING and pointing toward the correct drawer. Emily pulled open the drawer and grabbed the single piece of paper sitting on there. A piece of paper that could change the life of ALL THE NAMES ON IT. This paper would be the most sacred thing Emily would touch in a long time.

“This piece of paper is so precious,” Emily hugged the paper to her chest while violently popping her p’s.

“Just switch the names!!!!,!!!!!!!” DJ annoyingly said, banging on the desk to gain Emily’s attention back. Emily nodded and started whiting out a few names on the paper with... WHITE OUT; which she had conveniently stashed in her coat pocket and had just pulled out for this specific reason.

(A/N: okiiii idk how to describe this next part because it always plays like a movie in my head... if that makes sense... IDK. But anyway I’m gonna write this next part like a script so it’s easier for y’all to understand. Remember dailysarina cares about her followers!!! ;))

Emily: *quickly runs white out over a few ^convenient^ names*

DJ: *rewrites the new group partners aS THEY SHOULD BE*

“Good. That’s good,” Emily said as DJ forged the teachers’ handwriting. Then the super sneaky spy duo (A/N: “Nice use of alliteration” -Mr. Scoggins, my English teacher haha jk I would DIE if he read this lol xD) left the classroom until the next day.

THE NEXT DAY............,,....

I enter through the doorway to my art class, brushing my newly dyed pink hair out of my eyes and adjusting my lilac colored flower crown. ‘I wonder if Sarah will notice my hair?’ I wonder. Wait. WHY DID I THINK THAT?? Ugh this is so annoying. Sarah is literally the scariest person I’ve ever seen and yet I am CONSTANTLY worried about what she thinks of me. What is up with that?? It probably just because I’m a weird person, and that’s what weird people do. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“Ew your hair looks like a fairy threw up on it,” Sarah quipped at me the second I walked in the room, without even making eye contact. What the heck?!??,.! Why is she so MEAN? “You also look like that girl from LazyTown.” OH THAT’S IT.

“Yeah, well... you look like Susie from DELTARUNE!” I screamed back at her, crossing my arms in satisfaction. I can’t believe I actually stood up to her! She didn’t get mad and punch me in the face like I thought she would. She didn’t even yell another insult back at me. She just smiled a bit, and went back to drawing a skull and cross bones on her ripped jeans with eyeliner. I skip over to a giggling Emily and DJ, who were sitting at the table next to Sarah, and sit down, fluffing the skirt of my light pinkish salmon dress as I sit.

“What are you laughing about?” I say to my freinds, who seem to be cackling about something I don’t know about. Are they laughing at me?? I wouldn’t be surprised if they were, considering all my old friends at my old school started bullying me for being weird. UGH! WHy is being weird so hard in high school??

“Nooooiittththhhhhiiiiinnnnnnngggggggg............” the blonde haired girl and the brown eyed boy said in complete unison. Ok, that was creepy, I’m just going to ignore that.

“I will now read out the partners I’ve assigned for this art project y’all will be working on,” our teacher, Mrs. Bersbedasukeon yelled at us. I really hope I get a good partner that doesn’t make fun of my pink hair. And I rreeeeaaallllly hope I don’t get Sarah. ANYONE BUT SARAH.

“The first pair will be Karina and Sarah.”

...

...

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

“Ummm, can I please- but I am cut off by the rudest teacher to ever exist. She just goes on giving out partners like I don’t have a problem with mine. HOW RUDE IS THAT

“Ugghhhhhhh now our project is gonna be covered in rainbows and glitter and pink flowers, gross.” Sarah said, banding her head on the table. I feel like I’m about to cRY. THIS IS GONNA BE H O R R I B L E. why does all the horrible stuff always have to happen to me? My life sucks,

“Well have fun with you Project, you guys,” Emily quips sarcastically, popping the p, but I did NOT think it was funny. She gets to work with DJ, and that’s NOT FAIR. why can’t THEY work with Sarah???” At least they sort of l i k e her.

This is probably all their fault.

I hate them sooooooo much. :( 😭

...

WHOOOAAAAAAAA CLIFFHANGERRRRRRRR!!! xD. Soz that this chapter was a little confusing but a lot of stuff that needed to happen so the story can finally pick up (I can’t believe I’ve written 18 chapters!!!) I honestly think this is the best thing I’ve ever written, but REMEMBER. I have NEVER written anything before this is my FIRST time trying fanfic and I really don’t want anyone to judge me. Don’t be r00d LOLOLOLOL.

On a different note........ my mom is FINALLY taking our family to Chicago and I’m literally going to be spending all week hunting for my two favorite people EEEEEEEEEE. I’m hoping to see them at least 7 times, maybe more? I mean I know what kind of places they like to eat at and where they hang out with people (don’t ask me how I know I’ll never tell hehehehe) so it shouldn’t be too hard to find them. By the end of the week they’re gonna LOVE ME! xD xD Anywayyyyy because of that I probably won’t be writing another chapter next week, but I will still be posting d a n k memes about our children! Dailysarina is signing off now hehe. Peace!!! ✌️

[kenmaiii]

stop being jealous and bitter!

Now i know you cant outright just throw away your jealousy in the art community. You see a really cool popular artist or just someone with absolutely amzing art and you think “wow holy shit their art is so good i wish that was me and that i could do that....” I understand that spite can be a good thing sometimes; it can be what motivates you to improve and do well, especially if the artist is well... not the best person in terms of personality. Great, that’s even more motivation to do well right!? 

But when does all the comparing go too far?

----------------------------------------long post incoming------------------------------------------

Now i’ve had people very close to me do this. I’ve been told that im ‘popular’ which im honestly not seriously. They could probably be reading this right now, but this has been bothering me for awhile so i must get this out there. Let’s step into a certain mindset for a moment:-

You hate your artwork. You hate your current skills. Sure there are artists you like. But then there are ‘THOSE’ ones. You have very specific artists you follow just because theyre so good and popular they make you feel bitter and you still check up on them regularly to fuel that bitterness. You know good and well that they make you bitter and angry and peeved but you just keep going back.

Step back for a moment and think.... why on earth am i fucking doing this???? Comparing and feeling bitter about another persons skill or popularity and letting yourself stay sad and bitter isn’t good for ANYTHING, art aside. It’s good to want to feel validated at the work you spent time on but it WILL get tiring if you keep complaining that ‘your art is bad’, ‘your art isnt good’, ‘its shit’ or ‘garbage’. Your brain is just internalizing that and hindering your work and future improvement. It’s most importantly WASTING YOUR own time, YOU the creator. And not to sound snobby here, i really truly dont intend for that, but some of you know good and well that you keep belitting you work because you only just want people to compliment your art when youre only doing the bare minimum to improve! I can only tell you as a friend or an on-looker that i love your art so many times (as much i really do love it and hope for your improvement) if you continuously decide to still turn around and say you hate your work and tell me im wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why reach for compliments then! Why continuously turn them down?

And i’m not saying you cant ever not like your art (cause it happens) or decline a compliment, but to do it every single time....it leaves a bad image for your work. You either start to believe it, or the person complimenting you will get put off from your negativity!  

It makes people feel bad, especially if theyre also artist AND also your friends. You can’t keep saying you prefer their work and still put down your own. It makes your artist friend uncomfortable. They might not know how to respond when you keep doing it. And im sure they wouldnt want you to keep making yourself feel bad. Personally, i wish all my art friends success and improvement, and i want them to love and feel proud of their work more than the times they hate it. We really need to uplift each other as artists.

Thanks.

What you think and say is what you become and if youre always negative and comparing youre gonna tear down both the person you admire and yourself. Ie, if youre constantly thinking ‘ill never be as good as this person’,’no ones ever gonna like my work’, ‘i cant color as well as they do’ or saying that your work is only ever garbage... newsflash asshole! your mind absorbs that negativity and makes you believe it! u fool!!!!! Because brains are stupid and can be your worst enemy at times! 

Sometimes you just need to stOP looking at certain peoples work completely if it gets you that bitter or angry or sad. Unfollow them! Block them! Delete their name from your search history if you have to! Stop hurting yourself and forget about them, it’s like trying to think about an ex thats moved on. Pointless.

Negative emotions such as sadness and anger are our brains direct ways at trying to reach out to ourselves.

You: seeing cool art Your mind: remembering you dont have some of those skills or popularity + comparing = sadness/ anger/ bitterness at not being able to be at that lvl withtin the same timeframe or less

Your brain is trying to tell you to fix this! But you know you might not have the tools to gain that much popularity or become so good at anatomy, coloring , compositions or backgrounds overnight, so the only solution for your brain is to self-sabotage.

It’s just the same as suddenly feeling sad for no reason. It’s your mind trying to work out a problem you never resolved. Maybe your friends haven’t replied in awhile and you feel ignored. Or you subconsciously remembered a bad experience without really realizing. You’ll get sad. Your mind is is saying ‘Hey asshole im sad. I know it might be out of your control but I’ll stay sad about this one thing until you resolve it somehow. ’ (whether it be blindly distracting yourself on purpose or fully wallowing in the feelings)

So we realized youre feeling intensely about this persons work vs your own...then what exactly happened there? The answer is pretty simple. Some kind of information processing happened in your brain. The result of this processing made the your mind conclude that one of your existing problems (art in this case) can never be solved; whether conscious or unconscious, and this explains why your mood might change all of a sudden without any kind of warning signs (in relation to what you saw). 

Inspired VS Jealousy When youre inspired youre working against yourself in a GOOD way. You’re feeling motivated to make something great! Youre feeling motivated to make something better than the last piece!! And honestly thats wonderful!!!  That is a lot nicer than being in art-block, comparison negativity hell.

YOU are the only one responsible for where you are as an artist. That goes towards every artist of every skill level! There’s always someone better than you and there’s always someone worse than you. People get better at art in different intervals depending on how much they take in or put into practicing. Some people just get some concepts and fundamentals a lot easier and quicker than others but that doesn’t mean they naturally had that ability from birth. They put in the work just as you should be doing instead of feeling so intensely negative! But when you’re jealous and negative all the time, that’s when it starts to go downhill. :/

Jealously is a very human emotion at its core. And im not saying its super easy to deal with and just suddenly get over, but there are things you can do to slowly help yourself do it at least a little less.

Here’s the best things you CAN do instead:- - Write down some of the things you find yourself feeling bitter over about, especially when you look at another artists work? Ask yourself why these specific things? If it’s something you yourself can work on in your own pieces then maybe uh do that?  - Find the time to practice your work. - Practice even more. - If it’s your style that you arent happy with think of the artstyles you like and set aside time to mimic the way that artist might draw something (hence adding that to YOUR style). Take a sketchbook page or two and just draw entirely in those styles. - Practice. I can’t stress this enough. I know artists say this a lot and it can kind of just be thrown around carelessly, but if you keep putting this off and saying you don’t want to practice or talking about how time is going by when you should be practicing things.... and STILL refuse to practice then???? I cant help you sorry. Time waits for no one, so sometimes you need to grab time by the horns and kick its ass for awhile. Put in that effort! - Please use references. Even better if you use it nearly EVERYTIME you draw something, especially yknow...if its a pose, body part or background that you know you have no idea how to properly express! Find a stock image or a variety of websites to use! Save poses that you like from online magazines, other artists and photographs you see anywhere online. I like to look at online magazines from other countries or photographers, and there are tons of places like pinterest or instagram and whatnot. - Stop comparing and being bitter. Ii cant say this enough it gets me so ticked off, but my stubborn taurus self refuses to fully go off until it all piles up and this post is the result lol. If you know you can’t let go hating on a certain artist (for no good reason) then dont hate-follow them! Don’t check up on their work constantly! Don’t even talk about them!!!!!!! Try to get them out of your head for goodness sakes. Majority of the time they dont even know who YOU are so why are you worried about what they’re up to. - STOP SHITTING ON YOUR OWN WORK. - STOP IT RIGHT NOW. - AS THE ARTIST SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO FORCE YOURSELF TO SAY ‘’hey, my work isn’t exactly where i want it to be at this point in time and it may never be but i can appreciate that i’ve gotten better at a lot of things and im better than where i was a few years/ a year/ a month ago/ even weeks ago.” - ”I’m proud of this piece and can’t wait to get even better.” - Art is a struggle that takes time, effort and a lot of work. There’s always going to be someone better than you and there’s always going to be someone worse than you. You can only strive to get to the level that would make you happiest, otherwise you will get irritated with it and feel absolutely miserable about everything you produce. - PUT IN THE WORK TO GET YOUR ART OUT THERE. Social media has been both a curse and a blessing to artists all around. It’s made it easier for us to share our work around and opened paths for making money online and at home and connecting with other artists, but competition grows everyday as more people post their work in the same market. (ie another reason why it can be hard to get your commissions out there) Also as artists we want that dopamine rush you get from people liking your stuff, i get that its gucci. -But if you aren’t tagging your works well, posting somewhat consistently, not really bothering to talk to people in certain art communities (even people in your fandom because hey potential friends and even partners on future projects), not adding your works to groups (a big problem i see with people on places like deviantart mostly), joining and sharing them in art group chats/aminos/discords, joining events to get yourself out there (such as zines/big bangs/gift exchanges etc), giving tips and advice or even little helpful tutorials to people then how do you expect to be noticed? How.  If youre not doing at least TWO of these things then hoW can you complain about not getting attention. :(

 Of course you dont have to do ALL of this. Im just saying ...if you arent out there advertising how will more people know about you? This leads to you thinking no one likes your art (skill level excluded because even my cringiest old art would have a few comments or encouragements to see my future improvement, and i still want to hide when people like/comment/reblog said old art to this very day). 

I understand mainly OC artists feel this way that no ones gonna like their characters, or it just doesnt get reblogged enough in general but thats understandable too. No one is ‘selling out’ if they only do fanart. No one is ‘snobby or scared to get themselves out there’ if theyre really enthusiastic about their stories and worlds. Otherwise we wouldnt have fandoms int he first place, theyre all someones work. And hell, good for you if you draw both. It really is just a matter of how you put yourself out there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’ll take some time but there IS always someone out there that likes your stuff. And sometimes you just have to be content with making work for yourself, work that makes you happy. The online art world is tough especially when youre small but once you fall into the depths of bitterness its hard to rewire your mind...

This is how yall should be looking at your/others work majority of the time: You: seeing cool art  Your mind: omg thats beautiful! i wish i could draw and paint like that. i should practice more , try out some poses and anatomy or implement what they do into my work. i wanna make a cool ass piece like this too i feel so pumped to draw and work!! 

And that’s that! Do yourself a favor and be happier you bastards! Its tiring being negative and sad all the time and i want tf out of it. Its so very tiring and annoying to be sad and bitter as shit!!!!! My goD

I can’t really think of anything else to add to this and the text may appear angry sometimes as i was very heated when i wrote this but tried to tone it down a lot hfkds. Im not some ‘art guru goddess with supreme skill uwuw’ but advice is advice! It’s always up to the person listening to take it or not.

I’m gonna end this with one of my favorite art quotes of all time from t h e Arin Hanson himself. Because it really is true. 

Get yourself out there, practice towards a level that makes you content and try to have more fun with loving your work.

It’s taken me a long while to post this, as i’ve been feeling this way for...at least a couple months??? but i finally put it all out there i just needed to do this lol.  Sorry if i mightve repeated info sometimes here and there?

This post is just as much of a call out to my own actions but more so @ those of you that specifically do this! 

[angeltonic]

Happy Birthday to Lee!!<3 (aka my Grandma cause she’s 20 now)

On this very fine day 20 years ago, Lee was born, and in honor of such a special moment in history and to show my love, I’ve decided to compile a few things that I associate with/remind me of Lee cause I love her and she’s great. 

1. Sunshine: Part of this is because you live in a very warm, sunshiney place but!! Also because I think you embody the sun in a lot of ways. You’re bright, just like the sun and when you smile its like there’s piece of it right in your face. Not only that, but I strongly feel that you are the kind of person that helps others grow. Whether that be by supporting them some how or spending time with them and having a good time, you’re always there, for me and for everyone else in your life, spreading your sun powers<3

2. Flowers: I know Im kind of starting a nature theme but hear me out! Flowers come in so mnay sizes, colors, and shapes, and they each have their own little special thing that makes them different. For that reason, I feel like you’re a bunch of flowers compiled into one person. The amount of things you are apart of and interested in make you so unique and well rounded and I love you for every single one of them <3 Whether it be theater, or languages or dancing, you’re just so c o ol. 

3. That weird point in the night where you’re staying with your friends and start spilling your entire life: It’s on my bucket list to do this with you one day because with someone like you that loves their friends so much and that seems incredibly trustworthy, I feel like you’d be the perfect candidate to confide in at 3 am in the middle of summer or something along those lines. 

4. Waking up in the middle of a winter morning and having a warm shower: I know you’re not from the cold but the reason I say this is because I know you’ve gone through your fair deal of dark times. When you get in the shower when it’s way too cold to be awake, there’s a weird sense of comfort and happiness. It’s almost a reminder that although there’s a cold, you can still find the warmth that makes you happy. I’m glad you’ve found more of it these past few years because you deserve nothing but happiness and wonderful things because you’re wonderful :( 

5. That good feeling you get after you do something nice: I just think you’re so kind and sweet? And you’ve shown to me on multiple occassions how much you like helping people, even thinking about making an entire life out of it. You have such a pure heart and it’s going to take you so many places, I cant wait to see where<3 

6. Children’s laughter: So you like really like kids? You’re probably the biggest mom friend  I have ever met in my enitre life. Remember when I said that when you’re really old the whole neighborhood would be calling you Grandma Lee? That’s totally happening, I’ve clearly already started. I’ve heard about you working with kids various times while I’ve known you, and as someone who does not know how to behave at all around children( like what even is a children?) I think it goes to show how special and personable you are to build such strong relationships with the kids you work with ( the sun, I’m telling you).

7. Yellow: It’s a known fact that you love yellow, but I feel as if yellow is such a soft and happy color, and it suits you perfectly. I dont mean that only for your outfits if you do happen to wear yellow but because your entire aura would probably be yellow if we could see it. If you take all of the things about you that I have mentioned and dump them in a paint bucket, it would be yellow. 

8. Discovering new places: I feel like you’re one of the best people to travel with? Not only are you great with directions but I think when you do travel it’s all about the new things you can see/experience and the good memories you can get from that. You not only remind me of visiting new places for the first time but going to new places and actually getting to know them. Like being able to remember street names, and having a favorite place to get breakfast. You just feel so familiar and inviting <3

9. Films: Well first because I know you really like filming and the stuff you make is awesome!!. Insert this masterpiece(seriously I love it so much). 

Secondly, I feel like you can relate to that feeling of having your eyes about to give out from editing for so long but then you finally see your finished product and it all becomes worth it. 

10. Languages: Ah yes, the Queen of Ling herself, Lee. I feel like this is a given, I really admire your interest in languages and even though Im sure French and Chinese are super hard, you stuck through for genuine interest and that makes me happy <3 Not only for languages as a whole but all of the small intricacies in language that you know and that I always look forward to hearing about. (P.s. did I mention how cool you were cause you’re super cool okay, listen). 

11. That awe and amazement when an actor embodies a character so well you forget they’re an actor: I’ve never seen you perform but I feel like I’d be blown away if I ever did. I think you have such appreciation for good characters and a good story line and you put all of that into your theater work. Lowkey I really want to throw roses at you after you finish a production, just saying. 

12. Soft acoustic singing: Oh, Im sorry, did I mention that Lee can SING too because she can and she can do basically everything else as proven by this post because shE’s AMAZING. But no really, I love your voice, it’s so soft and nice :( You’re so talented and I am so proud of you for being so confident and willing to put yourself out there through so many outlets. 

13. That nervous feeling you get when you like someone: Lee is also litterally the Queen of Crushes. I feel like there’s something that gravitates you to people and vice versa. It’s something very soft and light and reminds you that you’re a living, breathing person. 

14. Life long friendships:I feel like you’re the type to be hanigng around your same group of friends when you’re 92 and have like great grandkids. You build such good relationships with people and I think you’re willing to have them last your entire life if you can. I hope I get to come over to your house and gossip about your grandkids one day, too <3

There are so many other wonderful and lovely things that remind me of you but I am going to stop here or else I literally wont stop typing and a girl has to have some kind of self control. 

Lastly, I just want to let you know that I love you <3 Thank you for giving me such a  great friend that I will cherish for all of my days. I cant believe this is the second birthday Ive been here for and I hope I get to see many more. You mean a lot to me as a friend and as a big sister and I just wish I could give you tons of hugs right now!! You inspire me, make me think, make me laugh and so so much more. Thanks for putting up with me <3

- Love, 

Your hermanita. 

@bright-hao

[jess-oh]

Reflection

Hello journal!

I did not reach the 10k steps today and fear I am falling behind my friends but I just gotta work harder and catch up tomorrow!

I started choreographing “My God is Powerful” earlier today while waiting for the bus and a bit while waiting for the train and I did feel a little self conscious bc I didn’t want people to think I was crazy but I think I did a pretty good job at keeping myself accountable and just trying not to think about what they thought. I thought about what moves to do to and from work as well! I think I got the majority of it done but there are a still a couple parts I’m a little cautious of that I’m not super happy with. I mostly need a replacement for “powerful” instead of just pointing up all the time. It feels a bit redundant. I’m thinking of doing something else during the verse so it isnt so repetitive? I gotta do some more research but I do want to try and get it done and record it for Jenny by tonight and then keep practicing it tomorrow while also starting on the next song. I want to have at least 2 songs done by Sunday. 3 if I really try. I don’t think I can get all 5 done and be confident in them all and plus, I only have an hour to teach anyway so assuming not every song is super easy to learn, this is going to take a while. I want to figure out how to best teach it to. I think I’m going to do it once fully through with the music and then divide and conquer. We’ll learn one verse/chorus at a time with no music, try just that portion with music, and continue to practice. And then we’ll move onto the next part and do just that portion. And then both pieces together. And continuously add on another piece, bit by bit. I’ve only ever tutored in intimate settings but never taught a class so I am a little nervous but I’m also excited too. While choreographing, I remembered how fun these songs were.

Because I’m really not that close with anyone on the guat team except maybe judy, ive been questioning if i was just delusional. but i was ready a couple old posts and it reminded me of our training days together. they were hard and i dont think we were super close but we definitely got along and i am really blessed that i got to serve with them. 

ive been doing a lot of reflecting too. especially on my commute back home from work today since my earbuds died. and im starting to process how things were my fault as well. i definitely had severe victim mentality before though i’d never admit it. and i did blame other people for my shortcomings a lot instead of looking at my own thought process and personality. i think i’ve said it was my fault too but never really ever took responsibility for it and i should have. i held people to unreasonably high expectations and was really harsh with my rule. probably because thats how i treated myself and i expected everyone to function at the same level when obviously, not everyone was created to be that way. i also thought about james since i had the hardest time getting along with him. i did have a crush on him in middle school and i do really wish i could just take ever saying anything back. and i did look to him a lot for approval our senior year. but i dont think it was bc i had a crush on him again. i think i was just so desperate for his approval bc if he accepted me, that meant everyone else could too. but why was i so afraid to talk to the guys anyway? theyre just people and as human as anyone else. i spent so long fearing that i was too loud or too passionate or praying too hard and it did really stunt my faith bc there was a fear of really letting go. i think sa-rang’s biggest issue is its emphasis on community which is a weird thing to say. bc community is definitely important. but i think it becomes toxic when community becomes more important than being real with God. I spent so long hearing people gossip, constantly, about such stupid things and as a result, I was so scared that there were saying the same things about me. But honestly, who am I to judge bc I gossip all the time too. As much as I hate to admit it, I do vent about other people and point out their flaws bc I’m insecure and it’s so stupid and I’ve made up countless excuses saying that it’s my only way to connect with other people bc thats all they talk about or how i cant tell the different b/w gossiping and venting when in reality, there is no line. it’s the same. i was just being a fool. whenever i vent, im venting to vent and not bc im seeking advice. im venting bc im angry and frustrated and want someone to listen. and thats why this journal is so important. i cant help that im angry sometimes so let me write them in my private journal here instead of spreading negative thoughts and emotions. let me process it and approach the problem with a clear head instead of acting out of rage and emotion. i have a lot of growing to do.

and ive been saying that i think i just need to be so confident in myself that nothing phases me and i no longer feel the need to fit in. but honestly, that fear that i wont fit in is still there and i still really want to. and im afraid that if i am unapologetically me, bc i grew up around people that were super churchgoers, my perspective is different and thus, people wont understand or agree with me. but i do think i would rather be myself and outcasted than trying so hard to fit in and outcasted. bc at the end of the day, the only person that matters is God. and so long as I am being true to Him, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says or feels. If they judge me and ridicule me for pouring my heart out unto God then so be it. I will take it as a sign that I can’t grow spiritually there and leave. But I want to give them the chance. I hope I can influence them into being unafraid and just totally raw and honest. no longer dry. no longer stunted. just so in love with Christ and drowning in His grace. I want to lead by example. I know that God has called me to Lakeview and I’m glad and I think I have started making progress in people’s lives here. But I was also raised in Sa-Rang and I think that’s of some level of importance as well. 

I always feel bad whenever I see other people just being showered in love and praise bc I don’t get that from so many different people. And I know that it’s bc theyve done more than me but I think in adapting that mentality, I tried to reach out to more people for the sake of praise instead of just to genuinely give and serve. And I want to do that instead. i want to get to a place where I can so graciously and willingly and freely give out my time and effort and services without expecting any thanks in return. And honestly, I think I’ve gotten somewhere near there. And it’s a thankless job and definitely sucks but I just need to trust in God, knowing full well that He has seen my efforts and how hard I work and is so proud of me as a result. I always felt like the loose screw at Sa-Rang and always wondered if people were just pitying me whenever they did pay any attention to me. But when I talked to Judy, or Lauren, or even Loren, they seem to actually really like me for me. I’m replaceable, sure. But there’s no one quite like me. With my unique experiences and reactions and lifestyle and choices. I am the most me that will ever and as such, God has a very specific goal in mind for my life. And I am so excited to see what it is as He continues to unveil it to me. Really. I love God with all my heart and I know that I stumble in my faith sometimes and worry too much on what’s currently in front of me but He is undoubtedly real as He is shown me time and time again. Nothing will ever bring me such immediate peace as He has given me. Nothing will ever feel like His heart and love for His children, in such unbearable pain. I felt it. It was so heavy but He is so unashamed of His children and really loves each of them so dearly and so very much. And I’m hoping to continue to spread that message to anyone who needs to hear it.

[pbandjesse]

Today was a rainy, but pretty good, day. I slept a little better last night. Even if falling asleep hasnt been going well. I woke up in a good mood. James had put air in the tires and gas in the car. I gave him lots of hugs and headed out. 

There are to many cars on the road. But it was fine. I had a good ride in. And honestly it was just a nice morning. 

Some parts were quiet. It was rainy. I spent a lot of time today just enjoying my own company. When I first got there we were all sitting on the porch. I told them all about my powerpoint project and they thought I was very silly but excited that I was excited. 

I had some free time and some energy this morning though. So I went and changed into my rain boots, which have finally broken and absolutely need to be replaced now, and went down to homestead. Heather had asked the specialty teachers to work on cleaning that since we had some time in the afternoon. But I had time then so off I went. 

I listened to my podcast and I cleaned for about an hour and a half. It was kind of rainy and damp all day but it was hella gross down there. Everything was covered in mud. There was so much stuff just around. It was terrible. I started with picking up stuff off the ground. I didnt get the stuff under the picnic tables because honestly, it was to hard to bend that much. But I also had some of the campers help me collect all the containers and tubs down there so I could hose them off. Everything was going to go into storage and they couldnt go in covered in mud. But then everything was wet from the hose and I was very hot. Break time. 

I went and sat at arts and crafts for a few minutes. Caught my breath. Enjoyed the hammock. Enjoyed the rain sounds. And then went down to the office to check in with Heather. She was super surprised that I had been cleaning down there alone. Acted all proud of me. And my stupid money brain was like "Praise???" so of course I went back later in the day and kept cleaning and wiping things off and putting things in totes. Cj is going to come back on thursday and help sort but in the mean time at least they would be able to get everything away from the muddy area. 

Heather told me that after lunch I should go help with sandwiches. But I had time. So I went and finished setting up in art. Laid around. Had my lunch a little early. 

And went to figure out making sandwiches. But that went all wrong because apparently there was a change of plans, but no one told me. I made like 20 sandwiches when Elizabeth came in and was like. The fridge broke and we arent allowed to use this food anymore. Even though it was in a cooler that was still cold. Which seems silly to me but food rules are important. I just feel bad that I wasted the bread. And another change of plans was that I was supposed to be running trading post again. But I had asked! A few times! And was told no, youre doing sandwiches. So I was all confused. And a little unsettled. Im still unsettled honestly. I hate doing things wrong. I hate being wasteful. Doesnt feel good. 

But I headed up to trading post and it went just fine. It was healthy day and no one told me that so I had to get that stuff but everyone was quick to help me set it up. 

It took a little longer today, I dont know why but we were having trouble getting the kids up and in line. But it was done and I went to art to wait for my group. 

This group was tough. I knew that. Because they were the little ones and there were 13 of them. But it went well all things considered. We ran a little over time. And James, their counselor, was obviously stressed. But the kids were so excited that they made their little quilt square. But because of us running late I didnt get a picture. Ah well. It was still a lot of fun. 

Half their kids wanted to use the bathroom and then there was an early pick up and then their program space changed and it was a whole ordeal. I was barefoot but I told James I would take half his group to their next program. So I threw on some shoes and walked them down to the office. Where James met us and took over. 

I headed back to art and cleaned everything up. Took a small break. Okay a little bit longer. Wrapped in my blanket in my hammock. It was great. 

Im a little sad thinking about it only because Maryland is moving into phase three and I dont know what my job situation is going to look like going forward. Its hard. Im scared all the time, but being out at camp at least feels safe. I dont think I will feel safe in another job yet. And like none of my museums are going to open for field trips. And so its like. Fall at camp was already tentative. It was already like. Unsure. But Alexi is hoping it will at least be some time every week. And Im trying to stay positive but its hard and Im scared about what the fall will bring with covid and with the cold. I am going to try to get into my art more. Try to actually sell things? Well see what happens I guess. 

The rest of the afternoon was cleaning down at Homestead and then hanging out with the kids at the office until 5 when I headed out. 

I drove to Hunt Valley and went to the Marshals I discovered there. I didnt realize that the shopping center had a back side.  And I had excellent luck. I finally found a long sleeve black shirt. To replace my lost one. And I got some gum and a pretty makeup and a night time lotion. The cashier was very sweet. But I was starving and had to go find some dinner. 

I ended up going to wawa and ate a hoagie in my car. Just living my best life. I had a long and strange drive home. I got a light on my car that I had never seen before. But I looked it up and it seems like its not a big deal. It only flashed at me two different times and didnt stay on so its probably okay but Ill keep an eye on it. 

I got back here and was annoyed to find a cop in the alley. But Mr Will was also outside and it was nice to see him. He got one of those two screen phones, very fancy. He showed me how to look for jobs on facebook market place. Which I didnt need him to do but I enjoy him and his dad energy so I let him show me. He's great. I was also glad to see he was actually wearing a mask. I worry about him!!

I got in here and it was basically 7. I put stuff away and did the dishes. I got a piece of the cookies and cream cheese cake James made and played animal crossing. I cant believe its september but that brings changes to the island! New bugs and fish! I caught a soft shelled turtle! I played until 8 and then took a lovely long bath. 

And now I am just hanging out. I am tired and hoping I fall asleep easier tonight. I hope you all have a great night and a wonderful tomorrow!