#sunday morning lyrics meanings

[peterparkersnose]

I Fall In Love Too Fast

Part 2 to ‘Jealousy, Jealousy’

pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

word count: 6.2k (I fed you guys well!)

warnings: implied age gap, carrot penis reference if you squint, Y/N is a greenhouse girlie, mutual pining, use of y/n, fluff, alcohol consumption, mentions of sex, mentions of pregnancy, borderline bullying, stalking, attempting break in, violence, angst, description of blood (sort of), consensual cuddling, joel can’t tell his veggies apart (edited sort of)

a/n shaking rn i need to see cocaine bear asap

summary Y/N and Joel have an unlikely meeting in Jackson’s greenhouse. 

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read time: 22 mins 43 seconds

The low hums of the generator filled your ears. The greenhouse could be very peaceful at times. Something you couldn’t explain drew you to the plants. Ever since you were a child, your friends from the old QZ you grew up in would always question why you would rather read the old book about botany you found than play tag.

When you were presented with the opportunity of working in the greenhouse in Jackson, you were more than happy to accept the position. All the vegetation calmed you for some reason. It was a sense of control in this crazy world. It was almost like it was normal inside that tented space.

After a few years of living in Jackson, Maria decided to appoint you as head greenhouse keeper. You had proved your success throughout the years, the vegetation grew by over 35% (according to Maria, stats were never your thing).

It had been a few days since you had seen Joel. It was a quick, longing goodbye early in the morning. He wanted to make sure you were home before Bradley would have to wake up. The thought of your… ex? You weren’t even quite sure yet. But the thought of him made you want to vomit. And the thought of Joel made you feel… well, safe.

The music coming from your walkman began to skip. The old CD player was old in the time cordyceps started, but nevertheless it trudged on through the pandemic. CD’s were rare, but they were often traded in the community. Currently, Frank Sinatra’s greatest hits skipped through your headphones. Ellie’s CD, presumably from Joel. You didn’t take Ellie for a big Sinatra fan. The thought of having something of his with you made the music just a little bit sweeter.

The song “I Fall In Love Too Easily” began to play clearly through the headphones. You had the headphone jack placed in just the right angle. Ignoring everything else in the world, you swayed to the music slowly as you were washing off the carrots in the sink. As the song continued, you began to hum along with the tune. The song was new to you; the lyrics weren’t mastered in your brain yet.

***

Joel trudged down the muddy streets of Jackson. Tommy and Maria were having a get together that night, and he stupidly agreed to help. Maria requested him to go to the greenhouse to pick up some produce. After Maria’s pushing and adamancy, Joel finally agreed to go. He was suspicious on why he had to go and why Maria just couldn’t go herself, but he decided to leave the possible argument alone and just do what he was told. He wanted to stay back and help Tommy with the roast anyways. That was his specialty. Back in Texas, Joel would make the best damn barbecue in the neighborhood.

Hell, he had never even had to go to the greenhouse before. He was perfectly content on living off of canned beans and coffee. And it was Sunday; the one day everyone had off. The greenhouse was sure to be abandoned, meaning he would have to forage for the produce himself. Did he know the difference between a zucchini and a cucumber? Hell no. Not even when life wasn’t shit he couldn’t figure that out.

Maria smirked as herself and Tommy watched Joel slump down the street. Joel was reading off the slip of paper Maria had written down directions on to the greenhouse. “The only person crazy enough to be workin’ on a Sunday is Y/N, if anyone is there.” Tommy said. “Why do you think I sent him?”

They both gave each other conniving looks.

“You saw the way he acted at the Tipsy Bison earlier this week,” Maria said, sucking her teeth and turning around to tend to her stew. “Don’t you want him to be happy?” She called back to Tommy. He shook his head at his wife’s antics and returned to the roast.

***

Joel let out a scoff as he realized he knew exactly where he was going. The big, white tent that sat on the edge of Jackson. Embarrassingly, he made his way towards the big landmark he mistakenly used to take for a medical ward. To his surprise, the lights were on.

Joel gave the door a few knocks before he opened it, not to freak out the possible worker who could have been behind the door. He quietly slipped in. He brushed some of the mud off his boots as he opened the second door.

A rush of heat hit his face. His eyes scoured the large facility in look for a person. And right then is why he realized Maria was so damn adamant about him going to the greenhouse. 

Your hair was tied up like it was the night you stayed at his house. He recognized the flannel you had on as his own. Your jeans and boots were a classic look that almost every woman had around town. What he didn’t expect was the headphones and walkman clipped to your jeans.

Soft humms came from you. Joel was feeling conflicted; his ego couldn’t allow him to feel this way about you. But the way you do gracefully moved your hips and cleaned those carrots drove him nuts. The thought of you in his kitchen, the two of you cooking together brought warmth to the bitter man’s heart.

Bringing himself back to reality, he looked at the list Maria had scratched down for him. Maybe you could help him find a… butternut squash? He didn’t know there was more than one type of squash.

He stood in the entrance and waited for you to notice him; but you never did. You were so invested in that little sink that you never bothered to look his way. Joel took a deep breath, realizing he was going to have to get your attention.

The fearless man began to tremble with anxiety. He cautiously walked over stray hoses and tried to keep his footsteps on the louder side, so you could maybe hear he was coming.

You yelped as he tapped your shoulder. The carrot you were holding in your hand fell into the sink.

“I’m sorry I-”

“Oh thank god, it’s just you.” you said out of breathe, holding your hand to your chest. “Scared the shit out of me,”

The music played through the headphones as you wrapped the cord loosely around your neck. It played long enough for Joel to recognize the song.

“Sinatra?” he asked, your music taste peaking his interest. You clipped the walkman to your belt, it now rested against the black shirt you had his flannel loosely on top of. “Ellie loaned it to me,” you said, grabbing a towel and drying your hands.

“Must be mine then,” Joel tittered, nervously playing with the piece of paper in his grip. Your eyebrows raised in question, ignoring the confirmation of your previous theory. “I loaned it to her a few months back, thought she must’ve lost it but… I guess not.”

“Do you want it back? Here, you can…” you nervously said, struggling to get the walkman out of your belt loop. “Keep it, really. You seem to like it more than me.” he said, again. “Oh, I have this-” you said, beginning to strip the oversized flannel off your body. “Here,” you said, balling up the flannel and reaching it out to Joel. “Nah, it looks better on you than me. Trust me,” he said, awkwardly refusing the gift of his own belongings.

He could imagine drunk you saying “He said it looked better on me,” as you did a few nights ago in his bed when he called you ‘pretty girl’.

Why was he giving his things to you?

You wrapped the flannel around your waist. “What can I help you with?”

He outstretched the paper to you.

“Maria’s cookin’?” you asked, walking past Joel with the confidence that you knew where you were going. Obediently, he followed you.

“Some stew or something, she says it’s good but…” Joel said, sucking in air sharply. “Not so good?” you smirked, reaching a planter and looking up at him. He shook his head no but then said “It’s delicious,” in a forced, sarcastic tone.

You pulled out the first vegetable and handed it to Joel. Moving along, you moved to the next planter.

“Is that what your doin’ tonight?” you asked him, going through the pea pods trying to pick out the best ones. “Yup.”

He stood for a second in silence as he felt like something was missing. “Would you like to come?” he asked, praying Tommy wouldn’t kill him and Maria’s stew would taste better than it did last time.

Your heart sank because you already had plans. “I’m so sorry,” you began. Joel’s face turned bright red.

He was right. He was too old for all of this. You were just interested in being friends, maybe not even friends. He was so embarrassed, he was ready to go back in his house and never come out again.

“I promised Ellie and Dina I would come over tonight. Have a little sleepover, if you could call it that. Definitely need a rain check though, I would love to some other time.”

That damn kid stole his date.

“Oh, yeah. No worries.” he said, the rejection ruining his confidence.

“I mean it though, rain check.” you said, piling more veggies into his grasp. That built back some of his shattered rizz.

You made your way to the front of the greenhouse, getting ready for the last produce. Potatoes.

You chuckled as you looked behind you. Joel’s presence seemed to fall back. He was struggling to keep all the produce in his hands.

“Would you like a bag?” you asked, slowly moving towards the woven bags hanging on the wall. “Would be nice,” he awkwardly chuckled, grabbing a falling bunch of broccoli from his hands.

“Here,” you said, opening the bag in front of him as he layed everything in. “Shit,” he mumbled as a stray carrot stalk fell. You both bent down to retrieve it.

His hand accidentally layed on yours for a brief second. It should have been a minuscule moment, but time seemed to freeze. You looked up into his gaze as you both stood up, still both holding the carrot. You never wanted this moment to end.

“Potatoes?” Joel asked. Trapped in his gaze, you answered “Huh?”

“Don’t I need a few potatoes?”

You blinked a few times, bringing yourself back into reality. “Uh, yeah. Follow me.” you said, trying to calm your heavy breathing. You could almost feel your heartbeat pumping out of your chest.

The green tops of the potatoes reached out of the grass. Inspecting each top, you slowly and carefully made your decision. “You sure know what your doin’,” Joel commented as you looked up at him from the leaves. “Botany is my passion,”

“By the way your looking at those potato stems, I believe you.” “Maria’s stew has to be good this time. I can tell this one is a good one because of how thick the leaves are. The bugs haven’t gotten to it yet because it’s in the middle, you see. They are full grown, these are the ones planted around the spring. There full grown and…”

You looked up at Joel and found him with a sly smile. “I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

“I like ramblin’. Could listen to it all day.”

He wanted to say he could listen to you all day; Even if all you talked about was potatoes.

“At least someone enjoys my rambling.”

Memories of Bradley point blank telling you to shut up because you were explaining how herbs could be used in medicine once plagued your mind. Then, the memory of his face bloodied scurrying on the bar floor replaced those. And you felt that warm feeling again, safe with Joel in the greenhouse.

Selecting the perfect one from the middle row, you began to pull. And pull some more. “God dammit,” you muttered to yourself. Giving up, you moved some of the dirt around the root.

“Can you help?” you asked kindly, as pulling on it one more time was unsuccessful. Joel placed the bag of produce down and moved to a different angle.

You expected them to pull out easily when he went for them, but he was struggling too. “What you do to ‘em?” he asked, wiping his hands off on his jeans. “Locked in or something,”

You angrily decided to try pulling again.

“Let me,” he said. To your surprise, his hands came to your shoulders to ease the suspense of touch. Then, he moved forward bringing you into his embrace. His hands rested below yours. Your shoulders matched up almost perfectly with his broad chest.

“Ready?” he asked, his voice sending chills down your spine. You could tell how warm he was, even with the heat of the greenhouse making the both of you sweat. His arms flexed on yours as he began to pull the potatoes up along with your grip. He pushed back and you followed his grip. Within a few seconds, the potatoes freed from the dirt and sent the two of you flying backwards.

You two landed back first on the dirt ground. The feeling of his arms were still around you, he was still holding you on the ground. He had let go of the potatoes and they were thrown down the isle.

The two of you burst out in laughter, staring at the ceiling of the greenhouse. You genuinely didn’t want to leave this moment; and neither did he.

“I totally loosened it for you.” you bragged, sitting up and looking down at him. One hand rested under his head, the other layed comfortably on his stomach. “Sure ya did.”

He took your hand as you helped him up. His knees cracked, and he prayed that you didn’t hear it. The two of you made your way to the washing station at the other end of the greenhouse.

“Potato,” you said in a stern tone. He placed one in your hand. “Brush,” you requested. He handed you the brush. You turned on the water and scrubbed the dirt off the potatoes. “Towel,”

“Yes ma’am.”

The two of you laughed as he played along into your antics. He was standing so close that his hips seemed to connect with yours. “Is that the last one?” he asked, drying off the fifth potato. “Unfortunately,” you sighed.

“Your welcome back any time to wrestle some potatoes again, if you’d like.” you said, following him to grab his original bag of produce. “Why don’t we take on the corn next week?” he asked, not wanting to leave. He just knew Maria would be bombarding him with questions about what took so long.

“It’s a date!” you said, mostly serious but in a joking manner.

Dina froze at the door. Ellie was making homemade pizza for that night and sent Dina to get some tomatoes. She was frozen, peeping through the door she watched. Dina had just gotten a front row viewing of you and Joel struggling with the potatoes, your awkward impromptu cuddle on the ground, and the romantic potato washing.

As Dina saw the two of you finishing your… encounter, she made her way quickly to the side of the building.

Ellie is going to love this.

***

“Ellie, your never going to believe-”

“Where are my tomatoes?” she asked, disappointedly. Dina burst into the kitchen of their small house frantically. “Forget the tomatoes, El. You’ll never guess what I just saw.”

“What, another stray cat? For the last time, no stray cats.”

“Joel and Y/N.” she said astonished. She took a place on one of the barstools next to the counter.

“What about them?”

“No- Ellie. Joel and Y/N, they were cuddling in the greenhouse.”

Ellie looked up from her dough she was making. “Dina, did you breathe in some outhouse gas?”

“No! I promise you. I was going to get the tomatoes, but they were just laying there. Then they got up and washed potatoes. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone wash vegetables so… sensually before.”

“I think your bullshitting me. Who cuddles in a greenhouse?” Ellie questioned, turning around and looking through the pantry. “Old stuff is going to have to do,” she sighed, pulling the old can of marinara sauce out from the back of the pantry.

“I wonder…” Dina began. “You remember how I told you about Bradley,”

“You remember how much I want Tommy to banish him?” Ellie reminded Dina. “Joel knocked that dude out!” Dina exclaimed.

“Yeah, but that’s just Joel being Joel. I’m sure he would do it for any one of us.”

“He walked her home!” Dina complained. “Your going to tell me there’s nothing going on there?”

“I think we should wait and ask Y/N. Not make assumptions,” Ellie sighed, giving Dina the side eye.

“They’d be cute, that’s all I’m saying.”

***

The sun was at the end of setting, the sky was a deep purple. You noticed Joel’s boot marks in the mud and how big they were compared to your feet. “Damn,” you whispered to yourself, stepping in one of his prints. Another pair of prints seemed to circle around the greenhouse. They were similar in size to your feet and had a different shape then the bottom of your shoes.

Following the odd marks, they moved to the side of the greenhouse. And then made a straight line towards where you were going: Ellie and Dina’s house.

“Oh no,” you sighed, following either Ellie or Dina’s footprints. You prayed one of them didn’t see you with Joel.

You tried to imagine Ellie’s reaction to it. What would there to be mad about? You were just friends with Joel. Even though you had admitted to yourself he was just your passing patrol crush about a year ago, you were taking things slowly with this new found interest.

And he was older than you, there was that. Adults can make adult decisions, you reminded yourself. You and Joel were both adults that had experienced a lot in life, even though yours was a bit shorter than his.

Would Ellie be mad? Her… Joel and her best friend (besides Dina of course). You shoved the idea to the back of your mind as you knocked on their door.

Dinner had an odd vibe to it. Dina had already had a few too many glasses of wine, and you were avoiding the alcohol at all costs. The other night was enough for this week.

“Your not drinking?” Ellie asked, chewing down on her pizza. “Nah,” you said, briefly commenting.

“What, you pregnant?” Dina laughed, filling her wine glass up again. You almost choked on your pizza. “God Dina, no.” you chuckled. “I haven’t fucked Brad in… four months? I think I would know by now.”

“Gross!” Ellie cringed. “I’m trying to eat!”

“Sorry, sorry.” you jokefully apologized. “Anything… new? With you know, Bradley?” Dina asked. Something was up with her.

“Not since Joel kicked him on his ass,” you said.

Dina gave Ellie a strange look. “Yeah, I remember. Did he get you home alright that night?” Dina asked. You swallowed a bit of your pizza. “Mhm,”

You hated lying to your friends. Without the truth, you felt miserable. You wanted to tell them all about Joel and how you have been secretly borderline obsessed with him since that night, but word getting back to Joel might scare him off. And you didn’t want Ellie to freak out.

“Then how come I didn’t see your porch light on when I left with Maria?”

You froze in your seat.

“I’m just fucking with you,” Dina teased, pushing her hand into your arm. “You like him though, don’t you.”

Lying is one thing you were never good at. “He’s a nice man.”

“You like him though, don’t you?”

The lack of response and the quickening of your breathe didn’t help your case. “Dina,” Ellie said, stepping in to Dina’s drunken antics.

“He took you to his house, didn’t he?”

“I…”

The whole town of Jackson seemed more quiet than usual. Ellie looked at your face and could see the panic. Her eyebrows rose as her stare widened, watching you squirm in your seat at Dina’s question.

“Holy fuck! Did you fuck Joel?” Ellie asked, now realizing the reality in Dina’s games. She was right; Dina totally saw you two at the greenhouse.

“No! No.” you defended yourself. That was the truth at least. “I… I didn’t want Bradley coming around and…”

“Oh my god,” Ellie said, standing up from the table. “We’re just friends! He’s a nice man Ellie, you know that.”

“Then why did I see you two cuddling in the greenhouse today?” Dina muttered from behind her wine glass.

You sighed and buried your head in your hands. So the shoe prints belonged to Dina.

“Y/N.” Ellie said sternly, standing at her place at the table and crossing her arms. “Tell me the truth.”

You grabbed Dina’s wine glass and took a large gulp.

“I- I like him, okay? I think he’s handsome, and kind and considerate. Everything Bradley isn’t and everything I deserve.” you said angrily, getting out of your seat and slamming it back in the table.

“Dina, your a dick when your drunk.” you yelled, grabbing your coat and heading for the door as Dina giggled at her spot.

“Y/N,” Ellie said, grabbing your hand. She closed her eyes and took a long breathe. “Your being for real?” Ellie asked, her look turned more sincere.

“As real as a bite,” you sighed.

***

The three of you, now in pajamas, sat in Ellie and Dina’s bed. Dina was braiding your hair as Ellie layed flat on her back and stared at the ceiling.

“Y/N Miller,” Ellie said out of the blue. Your head whipped over to where she was sitting, pulling your braid Dina was working on. “Jesus, El. A little too soon for that? I doubt it even,” you giggled. “In this world?” Dina asked. “I can lend you my white dress. With the embroidered flowers?” Dina suggested.

The memory of her embroidering those last summer resurfaced. “It is awful pretty,”

“And I can do your hair, hold on.” Dina said, undoing the braid she had been working on.

You felt her hands begin to work. “I just don’t know if he likes me back…” you sighed.

“Y/N. I know Joel. He wouldn’t just lay on the dirt floor with anybody.” Ellie assured you. “He barely speaks to anyone in Jackson as it is,”

“Would he even say anything? If he liked me?”

“Jesus, Y/N. This isn’t high school. Just tell him.” Ellie teased, sitting up in bed. “I’ll talk to him. Work some of my magic-”

“You better not!” you seethed, giving Ellie a glare. “Don’t embarrass me!”

“Ta da!” Dina announced, finishing putting a pin in your hair. You jumped off the bed and moved to the mirror.

It was in a low bun with a few stray hairs framing your face. It was so effortless and so elegant. “Dina,” you gasped, carefully cupping the bun with your hand. “I can make it ten times better, but just a thought.”

“I love it,” you gasped. “If I ever get married, you two are in charge of the wedding.”

***

Joel ate awkwardly at the table with Maria and Tommy in silence. The only noise in the whole house was the scratching of silverware.

“How was the patrol? Yesterday.” Maria asked both Tommy and Joel. “Alright,” they both said in unison. They definitely were brothers, men of very few words.

“Any news on the power plant improvement?” Tommy asked Maria. “I had some guys there today. So nice, working on their Sunday off.” she added.

“You know who works on Sundays?”

Joel’s fork stopped moving.

“I hear Y/N is running the greenhouse real nice.” Tommy said, already knowing the answer to Maria’s question.

“How was she, Joel?”

Joel looked up at Maria with a side eye. “Fine.”

“They’ve got blueberries now! Damn blueberries, I haven’t had any since before this shit. They were good,” Tommy mused, reminiscing on the delicious fruit.

“She’s a good chef too,” Maria commented. “Made some amazing salad dressing for the winter party a few weeks ago. Did you try her cookies too?”

“I remember,” Tommy added. “She’s gonna make a real nice wife some day.”

Joel’s fist hit the table a little too hard as he set down his glass. Both Tommy and Maria looked at him shocked.

“You alright?” Tommy asked.

“Can we change the subject?” Joel asked bitterly. “Why so angry? What’d she ever do to you?” Tommy pushed. “Goddamit Tommy,” he yelled, shoving his chair in.

“Thanks for the wonderful meal, Maria.” he hissed, lying and abruptly leaving their house. The picture frame on the wall shook a bit as he slammed the door.

“He’s down bad.” Tommy laughed. Maria sighed, her hands rubbing her temples. “Why do the two of you always seem to ruin a good night?”

“Hey, I barely did anything.” Tommy resisted with his hands in a defensive pose. “You know he likes her. The sheer mention of her makes him leave.” Maria commented. “God, I hope those two idiots find each other again. I don’t know how much more I can take of this.” Tommy sighed, chewing away at his roast.

It was dark outside now. Joel could hear the whisps of the wind blow in the trees. Creepy if you’d ask him, but Joel wasn’t afraid of much anymore. Almost all the houses were dark; with the exception of a few porch lights.

He turned down the main street and looked at all the lights still on. Maria’s guys must have fixed the power plant, pls business signs were flooding the street with their light. He glanced up at Ellie and Dina’s apartment; it was over one of the textile shops in the downtown department. The lights were out besides the one outside the entrance.

He took a double take when he saw someone standing out there.

Moving closer, he recognized the crouched down figure trying to pick their lock.

Bradley.

He reached the bottom of the old metal staircase before making himself known. He cleared his throat loudly.

“What in the hell are you doing?”

Bradley recoiled in fear, dropping the pocketknife on the metal landing. “It’s not what it looks like- I swear it Mr. Miller.”

“Then what does it look like?” he asked, slowly walking up each step. “I-I… Y/N invited me over. You know, lighten up the time with them. T-they had left over food she said.”

Bradley’s cowardly tone made Joel smile. He cracked a few of his fingers, intimidating Bradley farther and farther.

Joel knew Ellie. There was no way she would ever have leftovers; let alone invite anyone besides Dina to share them.

“You got about five seconds to tell me why-”

Joel was older and tougher, but Bradley was sly. He jumped up, grabbing the knife he dropped and swiped at Joel’s face with it.

Joel quickly ducked as fast as he could and kneed him in the gut. Bradley let out a loud oomf as Joel grabbed both of his hands and held them behind his back. “Nice try,” he whispered in his ear.

Now behind Bradley, Joel gave him a rough push down the metal stairs and took great pleasure in watching him flail down.

Unfortunately, the front door flung open and he was met with a shot gun to his face. He sighed, waiting for Ellie to realize who it was.

She cautiously lowered the gun as she recognized Joel’s face in the dim light.

“I taught you too well,” Joel sighed, moving the barrel of the gun out of his range.

“What’s wrong?” Dina asked, peeking out from behind the wall. You weren’t far behind her, hopping on your tippy toes to see what the matter was.

“You fucking fuck!” Bradley yelled from the ground. He was rolling around, clutching his leg. “You broke my leg, you asshole!”

Ellie looked at Joel in confusion. “Caught your peepin’ Tom on my way home.”

Emerging from behind Dina, you recognized those two voices from anywhere.

“Joel?”

His eyes met yours.

“Y/N, I dunno if you wanna look.” Joel advised. Ellie stepped out of the way as you poked your head out the door. A small gasp came when you saw your ex laying on the concrete. “Bradley, what the fuck!” you yelled.

“Please, Y/N. Take me back, I promise to treat you better than that old, violent grandpa!” He yelled, still in a ball on the ground. Joel let out a small breath of air from his nose. ‘Grandpa is really the best you got?’ he thought to himself.

“Your fucking pathetic.” you called back down to him. “How did he know I was even here?” you said, turning around to ask Ellie. She shrugged. Your hands began to tremble. “Hey, hey.” Ellie said, recognizing the panic arising in you.

She gestured for Joel to come in. She flicked a lamp on as you sat on the couch. “I can go get Tommy and a few other guys, we can deal with him.” Joel suggested.

Ellie looked at you for confirmation. Your eyes darted from her to Joel and back to her. She knew what you needed in that time. You needed him.

“Let me and Dina go get Tommy. I doubt Brad is going anywhere anytime soon.”

Joel opened his mouth to resist, but then saw you shaking on the couch. He knew Ellie was more than capable of fucking this guy up, and he rather stay with you. Even if the fucking up of Bradley sounded oh, so appealing.

“Alright.” he nodded, watching the two girls pull on their coats.

“May I?” he asked, outstretching his hand referencing to the couch spot next to you. You nodded your head. He sat next to you, not touching you. Joel was unsure of how to approach this.

“Joel?” you asked, turning to look at him. Your breathing was shaky and your eyes were glossy. “Yes?”

Without his consent, you moved closer to him on the couch. Your thighs were touching. The need for him to hold you right then was strong.

Joel let out a sigh of relief as he took your invitation of affection. His arm wrapped around your shoulder. You found comfort in his body, cuddling in and moving your arms closer to your body as he held you.

“Everything is alright,” he re assured you, taking his thumb and started slowly running circles into your shoulder.

“I’m sorry about what he said.” you sighed. “What- the grandpa comment? Pfft,” Joel chuckled. Your body moved against his as he laughed. “Doesn’t even phase me.”

“Well, he’s wrong.” you said. Joel looked down at you. “About what?”

“There is no way he could treat me better than you.”

A soft smile rose to Joel’s mouth. He wished he could hold you like this every night. The sweet smell of the rationed out shampoo filled his senses as he took another deep breath.

“Your damn right,” Joel whispered, leaning down and placing a soft kiss to the top of your head. Your arm stretched along his torso, holding him tightly as the sounds of Bradley’s wails came from below.

***

At least an hour had passed. You had dozed off, leaving Joel alone in Ellie’s apartment. You were still connected to Joel at the hip, but your grip had loosened on his waist.

He looked down at you adoringly. He thought of almost every scenario as he waited for Ellie and Dina to return.

He had to ask you out. He wasn’t quite sure how, he figured Tommy could maybe give him some pointers. Or maybe Ellie, she seems to know what women like. And then dating you. He wanted to take you out to the fields outside of Jackson. A nice picnic maybe, you two could maybe bring some food from the greenhouse. He remembered how when he was a child he used to eat cucumber sandwiches (there better than they sound, trust me).

You could teach him the difference between a zucchini and a cucumber. You could be that balance in his life; something he had been searching for since he was a teenager.

He noticed your hair was in a falling out low messy bun. He imagined a veil coming out from it, and a luxurious white gown on you. Sure, he was getting ahead of himself. Little did he know you were discussing the topic of marriage just hours prior.

The fantasies about a lavish, non infected world wedding were diminished as Ellie and Dina made their way through the door.

“Shh,” Joel said, silencing their conversation.

“Aww,” Dina said, still a little tipsy from the night before.

“You should take her home. Bradley won’t be bothering her anymore.” Ellie said sternly. Joel noticed the bloodied knuckles on Ellie’s hand. Dina placed her baseball bat next to it’s resting place at the door.

“Hey,” Joel whispered, rubbing your shoulder. You groaned, holding him tighter. “Good morning,” you muttered. “Still night time, doll. Let’s get you home.”

You slowly woke up in Joel’s embrace. The scent of him sent you back to the first night you spent in his bed. “You wanna go home?” he asked you again. “No,” you protested.

“I’m sober,”

Joel looked at you in confusion. “Remember? ‘Talk to me when your sober’, or something like that?”

The memory clicked in Joel’s mind.

“I want to stay with you.”

Joel couldn’t resist. He helped you up from the couch. He grabbed your jacket from the coat rack and helped you put your arms through your sleeves.

“Is that a yes?” you asked him as he silently closed Ellie and Dina’s door. He sighed. “Sure,”

Walking hand and hand down the abandoned street, you began to humm the Frank Sinatra song from earlier that day. Joel listened to your sweet tune the whole way home.

As you reached his house, you kept the tune going again and again. Joel led you to his bedroom with his hand in yours. His alarm clock read a little after three.

“Get comfy,” he said, throwing his jacket in the corner. You dropped your jacket, leaving it by the bedroom door with your boots. All that was left was your jeans and your black tank top.

“You don’t care if I slip into something more comfortable, do you?” he asked. “Not at all.”

Joel stared at you awkwardly. “You want me to go to the bathroom or…”

“It’s your house. I don’t mind,” you said, boldly sliding off your jeans and kicking them into your pile. Your gray underwear was left on as you sat on the edge of his bed.

“Alright,” he chuckled, adoring your boldness. His pants came off and hit the ground with a thud. His heavy belt buckle made the noise. He opened a drawer and took out a pair of red flannel pajama pants.

“Look! They match the flannel,” you exclaimed.

He turned around, completely enamored by you. Your excitement, your pep, and everything else about you was just what he was lacking in his life. For the first time in years, Joel felt himself feel genuinely happy. It was scary for him, but he was ready to let go.

“Can I just say…” he said, walking up to you sitting on his bed. His right hand slowly cupped your left cheek. His thumb slowly, softly ran across your cheek. “You really do look better in the flannel in than me.”

He slowly bent down, giving you enough time to resist. To his surprise, you began to rise off the bed and connected your lips with his. Rising off the bed, you continued the kiss as you both took a few steps. His hand reached around your waist, finding a comfy spot on the bottom of your back. Your hands had moved to his hair, slowly playing with the locks in your fingers.

“I’ve been waiting for you to do that,” you smiled, still in his embrace.

Joel’s body melted into yours. “I… I really…” he struggled to say. “‘I really’ you too,” you said, expressing to him that it was okay to be afraid. But you were there, and was ready for anything at any pace. His soft eyes seemed relieved at the confirmation of the now mutual feelings.

“Let’s get some sleep, hm?” you asked, sitting back down on the bed and breaking from his embrace.

His body held yours. Joel’s arms protectively kept you in his embrace. The four legs intertwined and kept each other warm underneath the blanket. You pushed into his figure, making yourself feel more secure than ever.

As he held you in bed, the tune began to sing again in your head. In a before sleep epiphany, you remembered the lyrics.

“But I still fall in love too easy, I fall in love too fast,” you whispered. Joel’s head burrowed in the nape of your neck. A tiny kiss was placed there in confirmation of what he had just heard.

Happiness consumed the both of you.

tag list: @dani5216 @uwiuwi @alohastyles-x @samanthacookieone @maddieinnit0 @alexxavicry @scoliobean @avengersfan25 @rosie0611 @vivalasv3gan

[changeurfuckingcar]

sunday mornings with the f1 boys

Carlos Sainz

Morning runs followed by a shower together. He washes your hair and you scrub his back. Lingering kisses and touches only stopped by your mutual hunger. He makes breakfast, being the better cook out of the two of you, and you talk about your plans for the week ahead. A quiet contempt falls over while you eat and you both wonder how you got so lucky.

Charles Leclerc

Him watching you while you sleep. He starts sprinkling light kisses all over your face until you wake up with a dreamy sigh. "Bonjour, mon amour," he caresses your face. Letting you wake up slowly while making you breakfast. He ends up burning some bacon, but you tell him it tastes good all the same just to see his proud smile as you eat.

Danny Ricciardo

Cuddling in bed for hours, talking about everything and anything. Playful banter and laughter. Eventually getting up to make breakfast together. Upbeat music playing, probably Taylor Swift, while you dance around the kitchen. Involves a lot of using spoons as microphones and belting out lyrics together. Burning the toast and over-cooking the eggs are very common occurrences.

Lando Norris

Sleeping in late, lazy cuddles and kisses. Making breakfast together. Him hugging you from behind while you cook, running his nose along your neck until you're giggling. You reading while he streams. Maybe some group sports with your friends, who always team you up together otherwise he lets you win every time. He tries to say that you won fair and square, but no one ever believes him.

Lewis Hamilton

Walks with Roscoe at the park or at the beach, watching him surf and drinking coconut water. Riding his electric scooter downtown for a brunch date. The wind blowing your hair back while you hold onto his waist. Taking candid photos os you with a huge goofy smile on his face. Holding hands over the table. Whispered 'I love you's.

Max Verstappen

Sunday is the only day Max allows himself to sleep in. Except, to him, sleeping in means waking up at exactly the same time as every other day, but staying in bed with you in his arms. He watches you with so much love in his eyes and caresses your hair ever so softly. He doesn't want to wake you, yet he can never seem to keep his fingers from moving over your beautiful features. Just the sight of you brings peace and quiet to his rushed days.

----------------------------------------------------------------

First post on this blog! SO excited to know how you guys like this <3 Feel free send in requests and feedback, even if it's anonymous. All I ask is for kindness and understanding

[strangebrew]

(desperate for pussy voice) It's getting to the point where I'm no fun anymore I am sorry Sometimes it hurts so badly I must cry out loud I am lonely I am yours, you are mine, you are what you are You make it hard Remember what we've said and done and felt about each other Oh, babe have mercy Don't let the past remind us of what we are not now I am not dreaming I am yours, you are mine, you are what you are You make it hard Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Tearing yourself away from me now you are free And I am crying This does not mean I don't love you I do that's forever Yes and for always I am yours, you are mine, you are what you are You make it hard Something inside is telling me that I've got your secret Are you still listening? Fear is the lock and laughter the key to your heart And I love you I am yours, you are mine, you are what you are You make it hard And you make it hard And you make it hard And you make it hard Friday evening Sunday in the afternoon What have you got to lose? Tuesday morning Please be gone I'm tired of you What have you got to lose? Can I tell it like it is? (Help me I'm sufferin') Listen to me baby It's my heart that's a sufferin' it's a dyin' (Help me I'm dyin') And that's what I have to lose (To lose) I've got an answer I'm going to fly away What have I got to lose? Will you come see me Thursdays and Saturdays? What have you got to lose? Chestnut brown canary Ruby throated sparrow Sing a song, don't be long Thrill me to the marrow Voices of the angels Ring around the moonlight Asking me said she so free How can you catch the sparrow? Lacy lilting lyric Losing love lamenting Change my life, make it right Be my lady Doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo doo doo Doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo Doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo doo doo Doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo Que linda me la traiga Cuba La reina de la Mar Caribe Cielo sol no tiene sangreahi Y que triste que no puedo vaya oh va, oh va Doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo doo doo Doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo Doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo doo doo Doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo

[hellfirenacht]

This Machine...

Summary: Your birthday is coming up, and Eddie makes you a present. 

Tags: sfw, friends to lovers, slightly possessive Eddie and Reader if you squint, Eddie Munson x Reader

Word Count: 3.3k words

Master List

There were certain perks to being the school’s resident dealer. For one, Eddie had made very good friends with the old janitor that kept to himself, flying under everyone’s radar, including Higgins’. The nice perk that came with being friends with ol’ Mr. Greg was the fact that he had the keys to every single room in the school, which meant that Eddie’s lock-picking days were lowered considerably. 

These were good perks to have, especially since your birthday was coming up. Eddie had convinced the art teached at the beginning of every year to allow himself and his club to use the art room to make their Hellfire shirts. The art department had managed to get funding four years ago for a screen printing kit, convincing the board that having the ability to make shirts would create unity within the school. 

Frankly, Eddie thought that was a load of bullshit. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to use it to his advantage when he could. So every September, Eddie would gather his little sheepies for an afternoon of arts and crafts, creating the shirts and ruining the ones they were wearing in the mess. Eddie would always try and make a few extra, just in case there were stragglers that needed saving from the conformity of Hawkins High school. Not once did he consider the irony of having his sheep in uniform.

In most cases, the art teacher was willing to work with him and let him in without much fuss. Of course, that was when Eddie was still a student. He had now been a proud high school graduate for seven months and the shock of not being in school had him spiraling for the first month before he found himself working at the Hideout again. Work, rehearsal, work, rehearsal, a thirty minute set at the Hideout if he was lucky, work, rehearsal. 

God, he missed Hellfire. That was the only part of school that he missed; a consistent Dungeons and Dragons schedule. 

Still, it wasn’t all bad and monotonous. Turns out that if you aren’t stuck at school 8 hours a day, 5 days a week you can go other places when children are at school. And when you go to places where kids aren’t, you tend to meet adults. 

Enter you. 

You had been working at the record store on morning shift, and had been for a few months now. Although you had more often than not worked weekends, somehow you and Eddie had eluded each other in the two years of you sorting through the various artists and ringing up customers. 

It had been a Thursday when Eddie met you, a fact he only remembered because the previous night had been the day that Bev allowed him to go on two nights in a row at the Hideout, which had been unheard of for Corroded Coffin. 

“Ain’t no one barely here anyways, Eddie.” she’d said, having long since stopped calling him Junior. 

He had been flying high, and an old drunk had even left him a tip on the bar, enough to drop by the record store and pick up an album he’d been eyeing for a while. You had been standing at the boxes, resetting them and reorganizing them for the hundredth time that week. It had been so slow that day that it was all you could do to keep yourself busy. 

W.A.S.P had been playing at a near whisper quiet volume, and when Eddie asked you about it you had just smiled, shrugged, and said that the owner only allowed you to play them on Thursdays when it was dead, or Sunday morning when anyone who’d get offended by the lyrics would be at church. 

The two of you had been friends ever since. 

A half hour of idle chat about music had turned into five months of late night talks on the phone, hanging out in Eddie’s van, swapping music back and forth, visiting each other during your shifts, and a tentative bi-monthly D&D session with you, and Corroded Coffin. 

Eddie would never know how badly he messed up your sleep schedule, going on late at night with Corroded Coffin when you had a morning shift, but it was always worth it to give him a sober audience member. 

The best nights though, were the times where you’d come over and just... hang out with him. You’d come over to Wayne’s trailer after your shift, or he’d pick you up from your place, and the two of you would just sit and talk. 

You never bat an eye at how messy his room was, and he made sure there was no food left out and would at least make an effort to clean out all of the beer cans in his room. Mostly you’d just sit on his bed and watch him play guitar, or spend hours talking about everything and nothing. 

As much as you enjoyed hearing him practice the same riff on his electric guitar over and over again, you had admitted to him that you always had a soft spot for the acoustic guitar that collected a little more dust in the corner that he’d pull out on rare occasions. 

THIS MACHINE SLAYS DRAGONS

You’d voiced your fondness for the instrument several times, enjoying the combination of Woody Gunthrie’s iconic guitar adjusted for your friends’ eccentric taste. 

Five months of friendship. Five months of hanging out with no pressure, no needing to look after each other, five months of feeling like a fucking human in this damn town. 

And one month of having the most embarrassing and awkward crush on you. 

Eddie had dated before, and he’d been interested in girls and some girls had even shown some interest in him until they realized that Eddie wasn’t someone to be fixed or saved. Eddie had even had sex before, but not to the extreme lengths that he’d found had been circulating in high school. 

Seriously, who had the time to come up with half the shit that this town thought he’d allegedly done? 

You found great joy in hearing about his spin in the rumor mill. Whenever one of you heard a rumor about the Freak, you’d compare notes and laugh about how stupid it was. Of course, Eddie put little effort into actually stopping the rumors, and now that he was no longer in high school it didn’t seem to matter as much anymore. He’d still get dirty looks from people in town but he found that more often than not people would just leave him alone now. Jocks, nerds, freaks, cheerleaders; outside the halls of Hawkins High those words didn’t hold half the weight they used to. 

“So they’re saying that now you spiked the punch at homecoming?” you asked, laughing. “I must have missed that dance.”

“Yeah, so did I. I only went to homecoming once in school and that was Sophomore year.” Eddie replied, his fingers tabbing out a melody that he had been working on for a new song. “And there was no way I was able to get my hands on any alcohol that night.”

“Why would you waste perfectly good alcohol on a high school dance, anyway?” you laughed.

Eddie could listen to you laugh for hours. 

And it was because of this, that Eddie was now back at Hawkins High, while Ol’ Greg unlocked the art room on this fine weekend. It didn’t take much convincing, Ol’ Greg didn’t give a shit about Eddie’s reputation and never had, and for that Eddie had slipped the janitor an extra joint for his trouble as payment for letting him in. 

The room looked about the same as it had the last few weeks of school, aside from some new art projects. Other than that, everything was in about the same place. Eddie wasted a little time wandering around the room, looking at the different projects and taking in the scent of old clay and dried paint. Aside from the old drama room, the art room was the only other place in the school where he felt okay in this hellhole. 

It didn’t take much to get your shirt size. You always had a bad habit of leaving your sweaters in his van, so going to grab a blank hoodie in your size was the easy part. The design he was using was easy as well, and after so many years of making Hellfire Club shirts he could probably make this in his sleep. 

But he wouldn’t, because he wanted this to be perfect. So for the next few hours he carefully pulled out the equipment, found the right shade of red he wanted to use and painstakingly created the stencil, adding his own personal flair to it. The finished product was probably nicer than any Hellfire Club shirt he’d ever made. 

By the end of it, your new hoodie was done and he was sure that you’d love it so much that you’d never forget it in his van. 

With the finished product in hand he was able to lock up, thank Ol’ Greg, and make his way home. 

Now all Eddie had to do was give it to you for your birthday. The two of you had made plans to hang out that morning together at Benny’s for some birthday waffles or pancakes or french toast or whatever you wanted. He’d treat you, he’d been saving for this. 

Then he’d give you the gift, and you’d love it and then he’d suck it up and ask you out. He could do this. Jeff swore to Eddie up and down that you clearly had feelings for him. Eddie wasn’t stupid, he’d noticed your flirting and had flirted back so many times. This dance between the two of you had been going on for weeks now, but it didn’t make it any less terrifying. With any luck, the note he had tucked into the pocket would also help him out. 

You were already at your usual booth when he arrived that Sunday morning. It was supposed to be a very quiet morning, Benny’s was never busy first thing on Sunday. So when Eddie walked into the diner to meet you, his stomach dropped as he saw the rest of his band already sitting with you. 

A chorus of his friends called him over, and Eddie, dejected, slid in the booth on the opposite side of you. You were on the end of one booth, seated next to Jeff and Zack, while Eddie took the spot next to Gareth. 

Eddie wanted to be pissed at the guys for ruining his plan, but then he saw the look on your face. You were thrilled to be around everyone and were excitedly talking to Jeff about the new song that he was learning. It was your birthday, your day, and if you were having fun, that was the important part. He did make sure to put your food on his tab though, he wasn’t going to let anyone else have that satisfaction. 

As the morning went on, Eddie had completely forgotten about the hoodie currently sitting in the small bag by his leg. He was only reminded of it when Gareth got up to go pee and Eddie was forced out of the booth, as his foot kicked the bag and you noticed it. 

Your eyes immediately lit up when you noticed the red gift bag and your smile widened. 

“Eddie, is that for me?” you asked, batting your eyelashes. “Did you get me a present?”

He didn’t want to give it to you in front of everyone, that hadn’t been part of the plan. But he sucked it up and pulled the hoodie out and tossed it to you. Eddie could worry about asking you out later when the rest of his friends weren’t around. He’d never want to put that pressure on you anyway. 

“Yessss!” you grabbed it eagerly in your hands and unfolded the hoodie, noticing the design. 

This Machine Slays Dragons was splashed across the front, and on the front pocket was a small colony of bats, just like the ones on Eddie’s arm. He watched as your eyes widened, in surprise and delight, and felt a wave of relief wash over him as you eagerly put it on. 

“Holy shit, Eddie, I love it!” you said, and got out of the booth to throw your arms around him. Your lips pressed against his cheek, and for a moment Eddie felt like he was on cloud nine as he hugged you back, giving you a slight squeeze before you pulled away. 

“You always said you liked my guitar.” He said, shooting a look to his bandmates who were making kissy faces behind your back. The glare only egged them on. 

“It’s got your bats on it.” you said, looking down at the design, smoothing it out. “This is so fuckin’ cool!”

As you ran your hands down the design, you heard a faint crinkle in the pocket. When you reached inside, alarm bells went off in Eddie’s head and he quickly muttered something about needing a cigarette before turning on his heel and walking straight outside to his van. 

He’d completely forgotten the note that he had slipped into the pocket. You absolutely were not supposed to open that in front of everyone. Eddie leaned against the back of his van, lightly smacking his head against the door, the barely touched cigarette in his hand. 

“Eddie...?” Your voice made him go stiff, his head still against the fan. He took one long drag of the cigarette and exhaled the smoke before standing up straight to look at you. You were holding the note in your hand with a sheepish grin on your face. 

“Hey.” He said, not sure how to proceed. He couldn’t read your smile. Was it a sad smile? Were you going to awkwardly tell him that you didn’t feel the same but you could be friends? He could live with that, but it would really sting. 

“So....” you looked at the note and read the two words printed there in his handwriting. “‘Date me’, huh? I’ve heard you come up with the wildest descriptions for things when we play D&D, but the most you could jot down was... ‘Date me’?”

It was. Eddie had racked his brain for hours on what to say to you, but he couldn’t find the words he wanted to. Everything felt either too cheesy, or too stiff, or not him, or too casual. He was really banking on the hoodie to be more of a selling point than the note. 

“I thought it’d be cuter if it had just been the two of us this morning.” Eddie admitted. “Look, I get it if you’re here to respectfully decline. We can just be friends, I swear I won’t make it weird-”

“I’ll date you.” The words were firm and steadfast. There wasn’t a single waiver in your voice as you said those three words. You took a step closer to him and shoved the note back in the hoodie pocket. “Eddie I... I want to date you. I’ve wanted to date you for about 10 minutes after we met.” 

Eddie’s head lowered slightly and his eyes widened as he stared at you. “Are you serious?”

“Well, yeah.” you said. “A cute guy walks into a record store, knows about good music, invites me to play D&D and then becomes one of my best friends? Yes, Eddie, I want to date you.” 

Eddie snuffed out the barely touched cigarette and leaned in towards you. God, he was fucking clueless sometimes.

“You know... that hoodie looks good on you.” He said, trying to sound smooth. “It’ll look better in the back of my van.” 

You stared blankly at him for a second and then burst out laughing, your head thrown back. “No, no, nevermind.” you cackled. “I changed my mind. I’m done. We’re done.” 

Had Eddie not known you as well as he did, he might have taken that as a real rejection. But he knew that laugh, he’d heard it a hundred times over the past few months. 

He reached out and grabbed your hand and pulled you closer to him, you were still smiling wide when you looked up at him. “Seriously, Eddie? I agree to date you and you pull out that line?”

“Don’t get mad at me, Sweetheart.” He said. “You’re the one constantly leaving your clothes in my van. I don’t know why you’re laughing at my perfectly innocent statement.”

“Oh fuck off, Eddie.” You laughed. “You know exactly what you said and how you meant it. And maybe I wouldn’t have had to leave my clothes in your van all the time if you had asked me out earlier.” 

“And would you care to share that logic with me?” Eddie raised an eyebrow. Had you really been leaving things in his van on purpose?

“I had to mark my territory.” you said with a smile. “Can’t let anyone in your van think that you’re seeing someone else.”

It was Eddie’s turn to laugh and you wrapped your arms around his neck. “Ah yes, the most popular freak in all of Hawkins definitely has a line out the door of people wanting to date him.” he said, his hands finding your hips. 

“You’re laughing. I’ve seen you flirting with Ms. Robin’s at The Hideout and you're laughing at me?” you tried to pout, but you were holding back your own giggles. 

“Ms. Robins is a 75 year old woman who can drink everyone under the table.” Eddie pointed out. 

“See? How am I supposed to compete with that! I had to sacrifice my jackets to make sure no one would be asking you out.” you protested. “What else could I-”

Eddie had originally planned on asking if it was okay for him to kiss you first, but he knew that if he didn’t do something now you’d keep cracking jokes and this conversation wouldn’t go anywhere. You tasted faintly like your birthday breakfast, but Eddie quickly decided that it wasn’t a bad thing. He felt the faint push of your lips back against his, and he mentally kicked himself for not doing this the first time you two hung out.

“Happy birthday.” Eddie said, as he finally pulled back. 

“Guess I got my wish, and I didn’t even have to blow out any candles.” you replied, just a little bashful at the admission.

“You aren’t allowed to leave this hoodie in my van.” Eddie said. “You can leave any other jacket or sweater in there but not this one.”

“I wasn’t planning on it.” you said, “But why this one specifically?” 

Eddie touched the pocket that had the bats that matched his tattoo. “Because how else will other people know that you’re seeing someone?” 

“Oh, you little shit!” you laughed. “Really? You think I’m weird for what I did when you basically put your logo on a hoodie that you know I’m going to wear every day?”

“Guess that makes us both freaks now.” He replied, with a satisfied grin. 

“There are worse things to be in a small town.” you decided, taking his hand. “So I guess this means you’re my boyfriend now. No take backs.” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Sweetheart.” Eddie crossed his heart.

You leaned in and gave him another quick kiss. “Come on. The sooner we go back in there, the sooner you all can sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to me, and the sooner that’s done, then the sooner we can leave. And if you play your cards right, Eddie, you might get lucky and see this hoodie on the floor of your van anyway.” 

“So, the line worked?” He smirked. 

“Come on, Zack is hiding a box of cupcakes.” you laced your fingers with his. “Dessert first and then second dessert.”

“And then elevensies dessert?” Eddie teased. 

“It’s my birthday and I will change my mind, I swear.” you cackled, walking back into the diner with him. 

And because he knew your laugh so well, he had a very good feeling about how he’d help celebrate your birthday when the two of you would finally be alone. 

Thank you @hellfiredarling for the hoodie! They made it for me for my birthday last year 💜

Divider by @strangergraphics

[trina864]

Teases and Intercourse | J.JK

Summery: Jungkook and you makes a deal, that he gets to do whatever he wants, the next week. Monday he starts out slow. Paring: Jungkook x Brat!Reader Lyric: "Show you what devotion is..." Genre: Fanfiction, Romance | Smut, Fluff Word Count: 4.3K Chapter Guide: Monday Previous / Next Warnings: Female reader. Explicit words. Kissing. Making out. Shirtless Jungkook. Naked reader. f2l. Friends having oral sɛx. Fingering, f!receiving. Oral sɛx, f!receiving, m!receiving. 69. Face riding. Brat!Reader. Dirty talk. Deep throating. Jk kinda shoving readers head over his d!ck. Unprotected intercourse. Reader and Jungkook is not a couple. Taehyung is their friend. Parties at Tae's place. ‣ A/N: Frist one in the series. Seven is the best thing to ever happen, and I mean it. I love it so much, I got so inspired that I had to write. Let's see how this turned out, hope you like it!

Jungkook's and your relationship is hard to put words on. You are not a couple, not friends with benefits, you are simply just Jungkook and Y/N.

Your mutual friends have asked each one of you when it's time to put a title on you, but neither of you can give a pleasing answer.

But there's a good reason to it being like this. A reason which makes it impossible for you to commit to a serious relationship with him. The both of you are really bad at commitment.

Even if you wanted to be in a relationship with him, you fear that you can't stay with only him, and you aren’t one for an open relationship.

You have kissed before, at Taehyung's parties. You have made out in front of all your friends at an dare which Jimin had given you. You flirted wherever you went.

And yet it has never evolved to more than that, not when you both like to keep the cards open.

This is why it surprises you as much as it does when one Sunday morning Jungkook comes knocking at your door.

"Jungkook? What are you doing here?" You ask with a miserable tone. The hungover from last nights party is still evident.

Jungkook walks past you, inviting himself in, and plumps himself down on your baby green couch.

"Well I came to see you." He answer and smile. "How are you after last night?"

"Great." You say with sarcasm overflowing your voice. "No, I'm totally hungover. What about you? You seem fine."

"I am, I held again with the drinks, I know I can't handle them, unlike others." He looks at you with a sly look.

"Yea yea, I know, I can't handle all those drinks, but seriously a girl my age has to enjoy and live life." You defend, you don’t know why you have the need to explain yourself, maybe it's simply because it's Jungkook.

"I know" says Jungkook, "But there's another reason for why I held again yesterday."

"And why is that?" You ask and plump down on the couch in front of Jungkook.

Jungkook hesitates a bit, biting his lips as he usually does. Your eyes stay on his lips longer than you want them to.

"Jungkook, what is it?" You ask again.

"I want to have sex with you." The smirk that is covered on Jungkooks face lets you believe at first that it's a joke, and you reply with a hysterical laughter.

"Ahhh... You're so funny Jungkook." You say as you calm down, but as you look over at Jungkook and see the dead serious expression on his face you shrink in on yourself.

"Wait what, you're for real?" "Of course I'm for real." Jungkook replies looking rather offended. You don't know what to say, your friend, who has been that since your college times is standing in your home and revealing that he wants to have sex with you.

It's not like it's a big shocker for you, you've always known that Jungkook and you has a weird friendship on the edge of being more. And you will never forget how much this boy loves sex. You've never known anyone with as big a dirty mind as Jungkook. But even so it surprises you, where he found the courage to make a stunt like this with you.

Silence follows after, and your thoughts are running wild. Not only are you questioning why he all of a sudden does this, you're also considering his words and imagining if you two really did have sex.

Would it be as good as you've always expected? Or would it just be weird to have sex with a friend?

It's Jungkooks groan that breaks the silence as he throws himself back into the couch.

"Alright let me try again, because this is kinda awkward." He says all flustered and gets up from his seat only to walk over to you.

He towers over you. "I have a proposal for you, Y/N. We know we both want to have sex with each other" You’re about to interrupt him, but he shushes you. "Don't try to lie to me, you clearly don't remember, but you ranted to me yesterday about how good i looked, and that you wanted to have me in your bed, and-" "Okay I got it." You say as you finally understand why he is doing all of this now.

It's your own fault. Your memory opens up for one particular memory that happened last night.

Jungkook has always looked good in black, but his outfit tonight is something else. You walk up to him and he smiles as he sees you. "Y/N! Hey what's up?" Your eyes are focused on his lips and Jungkook notices this right before you get on your tippy toes and pulls him into a heated kiss. He doesn't resists, to be honest he had hoped something like this would happen when Taehyung asked him to come to the party. "Want you Jungkook." Your drunk self whispers in his ear. It makes him shiver and if you weren't this drunk he would've taken you right now.

"What's the proposal?" You sigh and rub over your face. The embarrassment you feel is not invisible to Jungkook and he smirks as he proceeds,

"This next week, I get to do with you whatever I want. You know my kinks and turn ons better than anyone, and I know yours, I wont do anything which I know is uncomfortable to you. After the week we go back to what we are now." He says it like it's so simple, like it makes perfect sense to do something like this.

"So what? You want me to be your play toy for a week?" Jungkook shrugs, "If that's what you want to call it, I would say lover, but hey! That's just the romantic part in me speaking."

There is a look in Jungkooks eyes filled with all the different ideas he has for the week, a dark sinister look.

Your own body starts heating up thinking of all the things Jungkook could do with you. He was right when he said no one knows your kinks better than him, how many times haven't you talked with Jungkook about kinks and turn-ons.

It’s a miracle that you haven’t had sex yet.

Even with your thoughts flying, considering if it would be weird after, or if it would change everything between you and Jungkook, you know there is no other answer than yes.

But you won't give in that easily, the brat in you can't allow that.

"I don't know Jungkook, I'm not sure you could satisfy me." Jungkook catches the sarcasm in your voice, and he feels relieved that you are slowly agreeing to his crazy idea. He wasn't sure you would say yes, and even if he hide it well, the nervousness would not leave his body before now.

His eyes darkens at your comment, they're hypnotic to you whenever they do that. "Oh you don't think so?" He asks walking closer to you and taking your chin in a strong hold.

"No I really don't." You say. "I'll have to show you then."

He squats down in front of you only to take your lips in a heated powerful kiss. You moan into the kiss as his hands explores your thighs and hips, lastly finding their spot on your waist.

Your own hands tangles in his hair, and pushes him forward into you.

As fast as it starts as quickly it ends and Jungkook pulls back.

"Ah ah," He say as if scolding a little baby "The deal starts tomorrow, not today, I asked for a week so that's what I'll get."

You whine, but get an idea.

"Why don't you just stay here then?" You ask and you lean back on the couch.

"Stay here? What?" Jungkook takes his place beside you and swings an arm around you.

"Yeah, the deal starts tomorrow, and tomorrow starts at midnight. You could stay for dinner and movies, and then when midnight hits, we could finally start our deal." You say and hug Jungkooks arm closer to you.

"I don't see any problem with that, I don't have work tomorrow anyways, but what about your work?" He ask. "I work from home tomorrow."

And like that the deal is settled. The whole day you walk with butterflies in your stomach thinking about the deal. You and Jungkook uses most of the day binging series you've already watched and making food.

Taehyung came over shortly to drop off a coat you had forgotten the day before. To say that he was surprised as he saw Jungkook there was an understatement, but he didn't question it knowing that your relationship is impossible to understand.

As dinner is over and everything cleaned you two walk back to your room, talking about all and nothing, about the party, about your common interests.

You’re in the middle of conversing about drawing and which pencils you like to use the most when your alarm goes off and the clock hits midnight.

"You sat an alarm?" Jungkook laughs as you hurry to turn it off.

"Don't tease me! I just wanted to be sure when it was midnight." You say, but still Jungkook jokes about it. "Oh yea, eager much?"

"I'm not eager! I just wanted to be sure." You say and finally turn the alarm off.

"Mhm, and I just wanted to sit and do nothing when I made you that offer." He jokes a smug look on his face as he moves himself closer to you.

The air around you suddenly changes, there is no more laughter or sarcasm, instead the room fills with sexual desire.

Jungkook now moves very close to you. His tatted hand comes up to get a strand of hair out of your face.

His hand rests where your neck and jaw meets, and you feel yourself slowly turn into a puddle at the anticipation. "You and I would be the perfect couple y'know?" He says. "How so?" You ask with a hitched breath.

Jungkook pushes you softly back into the bed and slowly crawls up over your body. There he stays as he starts explaining himself.

"We both have the same interests, and we're similar in the way we joke around, yet we're not too much alike to bore each other. And of course there's the sexual aspect of it all." He say, smirking as his eyes scans over your face.

Jungkook moves down to kiss you which you happily agrees to, the kiss is not heated in the same way it had been earlier the day, it’s softer, slower.

"We're also both not into commitment." You say between kisses, "It would never work."

Jungkook smiles into the kiss, "Let's see about that."

None of you say anything after that, nothing is left to say. All that is left is the pleasure, the kisses, Jungkooks hands wandering all over you.

There is an eagerness over Jungkook which you can connect to the many times Jungkook has moved a little too close, a little too friendly compared to other friends.

This is his time to feel you, and you him.

He thrust down into you, soft and experimental. He tries again only to figure you out, how your body reacts, where you're most sensitive, all those things he still needs to learn about you. Third time he does it he hits something good enough to make you moan into his mouth.

He smiles succeeding into the kisses which are becoming rougher for every minute, and he thrusts again.

His hands wrap around your thighs, pulls you down aggressively and proceeds to wrap them around his own waist, all while the thrusts keeps going.

You whine as he breaks off the kisses and stops his movements down at your crotch. He looks at you with a smirk that you don’t like, and he says “We're gonna start out slow. No dick tonight."

You who can’t think straight makes a big fuss out of it. How can he rob you from that? How can he make you so flustered and then not give his cock to you?

"Ah, ah. No complaints." Jungkook says as his hand massage your thigh.

"But how am I gonna be satisfied if I can't get your dick tonight?" You sigh. Jungkook looks at you with a raised brow and a playful smile.

"I can make you scream for me to stop without using my dick. And that's a promise." You scuff.

You know he's right, but the brat in you will never admit to that.

"You don't believe me?" He ask. His eyes are filled with desire, his hand on your thigh goes lower and rougher.

"No, I don't" You say, and even though Jungkook can see right through you he jumps into the play.

"Well then I gotta prove it. Shirt and pants of, now." He commands as he lifts himself up from you. He watches with eyes that could be devastated as you lift your shirt off and button your pants down you are left in only underwear.

Jungkook attaches himself to your neck, kissing and sucking, the sounds he can make on your neck are sinful.

He helps you with the rest of your clothes, unclasping your bra, and pulling down your panties.

Only when you lay totally naked in front of him does he come of your neck to take a good look at you.

You're like a goddess to him, your body shines in front of him as if the sun is radiating off of you. The curves of your body and the rise of your chests are all like sweet pleasures in his eyes. Even though Jungkook had often wondered what you looked like this is nothing to compare to his imagines.

You shy in front of him, but he makes it his mission to make you comfortable when he crawls over your body and places himself between your legs, his hand goes through every curve and every dip, feeling them all up, feeling you up.

“You look so fucking alluring like this Y/N.” His lips trace the shell of your ear. Shivers goes down your spine, with how Jungkook makes you feel.

Your hands wander down to where his shirt tucks into his pants and you yank at the material nearly ripping it. He helps you slide the shirt off his body. As the shirt is off you nearly drool with red lustful eyes.

How was he this sexy, you knew Jungkook was trained and buff, but holy god, he's not just buff, it's the way his waist is formed, his shoulders broad and one covered in tattoos.

It's everything about him.

He uses the time of your admiration to slowly creep his hands up your thighs, and as he reach his desired destination he attacks it with skilled hands. Your mouth forms into an 'o' and your head falls back.

His long slim finger is circling around your clit, slow and easy, but the friction is enough to make you yelp into the arm you had thrown over your head. He lowers himself down to where his hands are, and you can only lay and feel as his breath fans over your throbbing pussy.

You were wet long before your clothes were off, but this only doubles the arousal and that is evident in the sounds it makes as his middle finger opens your folds and makes a long stripe down.

"Goddess, you're soaking, tell me it's all for me." He says and you shutter at the nickname. "Ah-! It's all for you Jungkook..." You manage to moan out and as you do his finger finally enters you.

The intrusion of his finger is unforgiving, and just a few pumps in and out later he adds another finger. He looks up at you while doing so and to say that you’re a hot mess is an understatement.

You’re grunting and begging, and the fact that you’re so fucked out only gives Jungkook more confidence as he curls his fingers inside you and hits your g-spot.

Why you are so obsessed already is a mystery, maybe it’s because you’re sex deprived, it had been months since your last hook up, or maybe it’s just because Jungkook is that good. To be fair you and Jungkook had build a sexual attention for years, now the bomb exploded.

You make eye contact with him. His eyes as lustful as your own. You can't think of anything else than the pleasure happening between your legs which only makes you messier in every movement you make.

Your hips curve against Jungkooks fingers and he adds a third finger. The stretch is perfect and you feel your orgasm move closer. "God! Jung- Jungkook please!" You yelp out and your hands yanks in the bed sheets. Jungkook smirks and the pace quickens as he feels your walls clench around his fingers. "What? You gonna cum?" He asks and blows onto your clit. "Mhm!" You whine out, you're not able to make any words in this moment.

"Need some help?" He asks and before you can even understand what he means his tongue attacks your clit. He laps at your clit swallowing all of your ambrosial juices, he moans when your hand intertwines with his hair and the friction makes your stomach clench.

As his teeth comes out to nip at your clit the water finally overflows and your body goes into overdrive, humping into his fingers and your legs practically locks around his head. Jungkook slurps all of your sweet arousal, every last drop he can get to and you have to peel him off you as it gets too much.

But as he looks up at you with an unsatisfied look, you know that he isn't done yet.

His hands grab onto your thighs hard, he turns you both around so he's lying on his back right under your cunt, and you're sitting on top of him.

"No Jungkook, it's too much." You say and sit lower on his stomach. "So you want me to stop?" Normally Jungkook would've backed away the minute you told him too, but he had made a promise, and he intended to keep it.

You remembered back to his words not too long ago, 'I can make you scream for me to stop and that's a promise.' and you know you can't stop now. You won't let him win this easily.

A daring expression covers your face and Jungkook doesn't hide his smirk. If there was one thing he had dreamed about doing with you it was face riding.

He wraps his hands around your thighs that are resting on either side of his head. The view of your cunt dripping with your previous arousal makes his dick grow in his pants and he knows he'll have to take care of it later.

It's Jungkook who yanks you down onto his face and before you can ask if he's okay, he's licking a big stripe over your entrance. You fall slightly back, your hands rests on his thighs and you lean on them to give Jungkook better access.

He takes his time licking and slurping, taking it slower this time than the first. You can already feel the overstimulation, your body is begging you to pull back, but you push it back and slowly a new pleasure overtakes.

"Fuck.. You taste like candy, I won't ever get tired of this." Jungkook mumbles into your cunt and you push down just a little with a smirk. "You like it that much, huh?" It's the first time Jungkook hears your voice normal after your high, and something in him gets turned on at your dirty talk.

Jungkooks dick grows enough to graze your arm on his thigh. You look back to see the bulge in his sweats, it's big and needy and you just have to turn your focus to it.

He chases your pussy as you get up. "What the fuck are you doing, get back onto my face." He says. You laugh at his comment, but also feel your walls clench. "Are you really this needy for my pussy?" You ask.

Before he can answer you turn around over his face, shifting spots between your right thigh and left thigh, and before he realizes what you're doing, you are again on top of his face.

He doesn't question the new position, he's too hungry for your honey like juices and his tongue does not take anything slow this time. His tongue goes in and out of you and his hands presses you further down to reach deeper into you. Every movement of yours halt at the familiar feeling of loosing every independent thought, you're lightheaded from the speed of Jungkooks tongue.

There is one thought that stays in your mind though, and you like a starved dog, rips Jungkooks sweats down and knead at his boxers where you feel his bulge.

He didn't expect it, he hadn't seen it coming when you turned around just moments before, but oh! He is not complaining. His eyes roll back and he thrust up into your hands. His tongue quickens the pace even more and he grunts as your pace too quickens.

This was not supposed to happen, you should have told him to stop by now, but he's so glad you didn't. This is better than anything he had planned for this night, and when you pull his boxers down and put his cock in your mouth Jungkook totally malfunctions.

Moaning and grunting into your pussy, mumbling something with "Ah- Fuck!", his tongue halts a bit, but never stops, and he actually can't believe that he are doing 69 with you right now. You can't either, but then again there is no thoughts going through your brain other than the pleasure.

You bob your head up and down as good and as precise as you can in this moment, but how good that is you have no idea. It's only cause of Jungkooks grunts and pleases that you think it's going well for you. But it's not enough for you, your head screams for you to take his cock deeper, so you do.

You deep throat him, pushing yourself onto him, and Jungkook looses it completely. His tongue stops the assaults at your pussy and instead he uses his energy to fuck into your mouth. "Oh Shit! Y/N, ye- yea like that." His hands come on top of your head and he pushes just slightly. Gagging around his cock, tears swell in your eyes, Jungkook would've stopped if it wasn't because he knows you like it.

You've always told him you like to be manhandled, to be pushed a bit further than others limits, and this is what you meant.

"Fuuuck, You take it so well, fuck yea! So good for me." He says and a drop of your arousal falls onto his mouth reminding him of what he had been doing before you so sneakily started sucking him off.

It's when Jungkooks tongue picks up where it left with the same pace that you falter. You hump onto his face while he fucks into yours. It's a cycle of pleasure going over you two, and it's just a matter of fact who cum first.

You're not in doubt that it is going to be you. You're already clenching and humping like a mad woman, and Jungkook has in some way regained his mind.

As Jungkooks fingers finds your clit your orgasm finally explodes. Jungkooks dick pops out of your mouth and slaps against your cheek as you fall forwards against his stomach. "Fuck! Jungkook, I'm cumming!" You yell and press yourself as deep onto him as you can. When your high is over Jungkook again insists on you staying, and he holds you over his face as his tongue keeps assaulting your pussy. You know it's still because of the promise, but you are too proud and too stubborn to give in, so instead you find another way to stop him.

Your head once again bobs up and down over his cock. You wrap your tongue around the head of his dick and lick up the precum. Your lips feels pillow soft against his dick, and as you had hoped Jungkook stops the lick at your pussy and instead chases his own high.

His cock twitch inside your mouth and you know it's a question of seconds. Your hands find his balls, you squeeze them softly and lick up the vein on his cock. And just like you Jungkooks orgasm starts. "Fuuuu- uuck." He moans and hammer into your mouth.

His cum coats the back of your throat, your tongue, the inside of your cheeks. It's salty, and sweet and you agree with yourself that you love the combo. As he finishes and finally collapse on the bed, you turn around and lay on top of him.

He is covered in your cum, but he doesn't seem to mind as he smiles up at you and moves a piece of hair from your face.

Jungkook watches as you open your mouth, his cum is everywhere. He gets surprised though when you close your mouth again and swallow with the dirty sound of a loud gulp.

An arm covers his face as he can't hide his smile. You are so good at making him shy.

"That was the best head I've ever had." Jungkook says as he finds the courage to look at you again.

You smile at the compliment. "Thank you, you weren't so bad yourself."

It's so weird to you that you're not feeling weird about what just happened. It's quite peaceful, and there's no awkwardness as there should be when two friends have sex. The only thing that does confuse you is what you and Jungkook are.

You're still not best friends, you're not a couple, you're not just a hook up or friends with benefits, so what the hell are you?

Right now it doesn't matter. Not when you lay beside Jungkook with his arms around you and feel this good. Maybe it'll matter tomorrow morning when you wake up beside Jungkook, but not now.

[sundew199]

Sunday

tags: reiner x reader, fluff, short Drabble, no specific p/n's used

“You remind me of a Sunday.”

Turning at the comment in dead silence, you smiled through a small laugh.

“And what is that suppose to mean?”

His cheeks wrinkled with a smile, shifting to turn in your direction, the wide palm of his hand landing between your shoulder blades, warm and grounding.

“Sundays are the day of rest, relaxation. Stillness and calm, like how it would be when getting a moment of peace after a long day, expect it’s an entire day. A reward for all the hard work you've done.”

Heat rose to your cheeks, admiration for the poetic words rising the beating of your heart.

“Is that what I remind you of, Reiner?”

“Mhm,” Humming his words low and sleepily, dragging his hand down your back and looping it to your front to take your hand, bringing it to his face.

A kiss landed on your knuckles, another and another, soft and barely there, like a feather carried by the wind. Golden brilliant eyes that shone of undying love and devotion looked over your knuckles with hooded lids, and then a smile stretching to the end of your hand. Reiner inhaled against your knuckles, then interlocking his fingers with yours and dwarfing your much smaller hand in his. You’d been up late talking with him, sleepily that is as neither of you sought out rest at the moment, minds busy with unrelenting thoughts that ranged from everything to nothing.

“What else do I remind you of?”

Leaning in closer, feeling the back of your hand brush along the scruff of his cheek as he pulled you closer as you began to shift. A huff that could only be interpreted as amusing left his lips, an inhale of air and a smack of his lips as he thought on your hushed question.

“A Garden in full bloom,”

Letting his hand weaken in its hold in yours, allowing it to rest of his bare freckled shoulder kisses by the sun.

“Morning dew on grass with sunlit fog draping over it.”

Now his arm coming to loop around your waist, needing to feel the touch of your delicate skin on his, a yearning that never went away even when your bodies met.

“An evening in front of the fireplace with snow frosting the windows.”

Giggling as he now trapped you over his body, hands running over and up your body, familiarizing himself with something he knew like the back of his hand by habit.

“Sunburned cheeks and nose, the rosy hue of being out in the sun all day.”

Whispering outside the shell of your ear, placing a kiss at the end of his words. You melted to touch and words, at the mercy of an unproclaimed poet who refused to admit his way with words, humble even in his profession of love.

“You remind me of dawn, a new start to the day, another chance to live.”

His words faded into a whisper and gentler crease in his cheeks as he kissed the surface of your lips, pulling away so painfully slow, like a scene of a movie being slow for analysis.

“But you remind me of a Sunday, and that’s the only reminder I need.”

a/n: took a single lyric from a song and ran with it

[scarlet-bitch]

Sunday Mornings

2k Steve X fem!reader, Angst/Fluff, 90's AU, no y/n

A/N: a different take on that s4 scene with Steve and Nance. Songs I loosely pulled inspo from: 'Never My Love' - The Association, the first verse of 'Sunday Morning' - The Velvet Underground, & the epilogue lyrics are 'Our House' - Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young *EDIT: my music was on shuffle and Make It With You - Bread came on and idk how I missed that for the epilogue lyrics!!! So I updated that. Feedback/likes/reblogs are greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading & as always, I hope you enjoy! XO, Scarlet 💋

Your favorite way to spend Sunday was a lazy morning in bed—preferably in Steve's—with your limbs intertwined and your head on his chest. Content in the silence, you'd often daydream about your future together. But today, instead of your own dreams, your mind replayed what you’d overheard Steve share with your friends—a life you couldn’t envision for yourself. One that's had you riddled with anxiety ever since.

“Y’know,” Steve said, pulling you from your spiraling thoughts, “when I was shopping with Robin yesterday, something caught my eye.”

You looked up at him. “Oh yeah? What was it?”

“A ring,” he replied, brushing his thumb over your left ring finger. “I couldn’t help but imagine it here.”

Your heart raced at the implication. This should have been a sweet moment—the first real conversation where the man you loved expressed his intentions to marry you. Instead, it felt like a nightmare. You had been meaning to bring up what you overheard, but it never seemed like the right time. Now, you realized you had no choice.

"I'm sorry” he said, his brow furrowing with concern as he noticed the look of panic on your face. "Was that too much?"

“No,” you whispered, as the nausea rose within you. “Not at all. Truly, there's nothing more I want than to be your wife."

“That’s all I want too, pretty girl. So sure of it, almost bought the ring.” He leaned in, his lips brushing against yours. You felt him smile into the kiss, and you wanted to revel in the moment, kiss him back with the same ferocity but your guilt was eating you from the inside.

Pulling away, you saw Steve lean in again, only to pause as his eyes flickered open taking in the sight of you. “Aww honey, you're crying?" He chuckled softly, moving his hand to caress your cheek.

Fuck. He'd mistaken them for tears of joy, rather than anguish they were born from—the words you'd struggled to voice.

You took his wrist, gently removing his hand from your face as you repositioned yourself to sit up in bed. Your fingers gripping the comforter for some sense of control.

“Hey, what's wrong?” he asked, his voice laced with concern.

“I need to talk to you about something important.”

“Okay.” He sat up now, confusion washing over him as his eyes searched yours for any indication of what you were about to say. You could almost see him rifling through possible scenarios in his mind.

“I’ve been selfish,” you admitted, tears stinging your eyes. “I thought there was time. We've only been together for two years, I thought things could change. I'd feel different-”

“Hey, slow down. I need you to take a deep breath."

He was right. You were nearly hyperventilating, words jumbling together. You shook your head, trying to calm yourself, but the pit in your stomach taunted you. You couldn't help but think this was beginning of the end.

“A few weeks ago, that night Robin, Vickie and I were over, when I passed out on the couch during the movie. I kept going in and out of sleep when you were all chatting, and I overheard you talking about your dream life. Something like six kids, summer trips in a Winnebago across the countryside. Right?”

Steve looked perplexed, as if trying to connect the dots. “Yeah, that’s a dream I have, but it’s a long way off. Did that scare you? There are a lot of steps still-"

“Steve, it didn’t scare me. It’s just… I don’t,” your voice quivered, the trail of hot tears now streaming down your cheeks. “I’ve been meaning to bring it up, but I didn’t want to ruin everything. I thought if anyone could change my mind, it would be you. But-”

“About what?" He cut you off. "Honey, what are you talking about?”

“I don’t think I want kids, Steve,” you blurted out.

His face fell, and his eyes widened. It looked as if all the air had been expelled from his lungs. His mouth opened slightly, but no words came out.

Your words began to tumble out of your mouth faster than you could think them through. "We’ve never really talked about it. If I’d known how much you wanted kids, I wouldn’t have waited so long to tell you." You paused, your heart pounding. “Hearing you talk about a big family has pained me for weeks. I know, without a doubt, you’d be an amazing father. I just don’t think it will be to my children.”

“But you’d be a great mom,” he said, desperation clear in his voice. You weren't sure if he was trying to convince you or if it was just a fact he believed.

“Maybe, but that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want to be... I've tried to will the desire into existence, but I just don’t have it.”

Steve’s eyes glistened as he processed your words. You noticed his tongue pushing against the inside of his cheek—a gesture he always made when he was getting emotional. You wanted to take everything back, wished you could turn back time and not say a fucking word. But he deserved to know, even if it meant you'd lose him.

The silence was deafening—the only sound in your ears was the thump of your heart, racing so rapidly you thought it might burst through your chest. A few minutes passed, but it felt like hours. You weren’t sure how much more of the quiet you could take.

"Say something, please," you urged.

Steve focused his eyes back on you. "Sorry, I never imagined us not having kids together, y'know? So I'm processing."

"I'm so sorry, Steve. One day it may change, but I'm not hopeful." A sob caught in your throat. "And it's not fair to either of us to prolong the inevitable on the hope that I’ll change my mind.”

"W-wait, what? Are you saying you want to end this?” He ran a hand through his hair, a deep sigh escaping him. He shrugged his shoulders, raising a brow as he added, "I'm confused how this conversation went from talking about marriage to breaking up?"

“Isn’t that where this is headed?"

“That's what you think?"

"Isn't that our only option, Steve? Kids are something you want out of life, and I’m fairly certain I don’t—how can there be a future for us?”

"We both want each other! We’ll figure the rest out eventually.”

“And when ‘eventually’ comes, and I still feel the same, what then? When years from now you realize something is missing in your life, and I'm be the reason for it—you'll resent me."

“No, I won't. How can you say that?” He leaned in closer. “Maybe it won't be exactly what I pictured, but this doesn't change anything for me."

“You say that now, but you don't know how you'll feel down the line!" You raised your hands, in an effort to emphasize your point.

“If I don't know how I'll feel, how can you be so certain I'll resent you then?"

���I could hear it in your voice, Steve. You sounded so happy describing that life. A life I can't guarantee. So it doesn’t matter how much I want this or how much I love you. You deserve someone who you can share those dreams with!"

Steve moved his hands to cradle your face, hazel orbs piercing yours. "Oh honey... don't you realize, in every scenario of my dream life, you’re there. Fuck... you're the most important part.”

You swallowed thickly, your heart fluttering at the sentiment, tears still trickling down your cheeks. You wanted to accept what he was saying, but fear gripped you. The thought of losing him, of him one day loathing you, was unbearable to fathom. "What if you change your mind?"

"Never, my love." He gently brushed away your tears with his thumbs, shaking his head softly. "Listen, we can talk about this as long as we need to. Come back to it as much as you'd like. But please hear me when I say, if kids aren’t in your future, they’re not in mine. You're my future—you always have been.”

"Baby, you know that dreams, they're for those who sleep / Life, it's for us to keep / And if I chose the one I'd like to help me through / I'd like to make it with you... I really think that we could make it, girl."

Despite your affinity for lazy Sundays in bed, this particular morning found you in the kitchen, flipping pancakes while laughter echoed from the dining room.

"I hope you boys are ready to eat!" you called as you plated the pancakes.

"You hungry, bud?" You heard Steve ask.

"Mhmm!"

"Alright, then let's put the crayons away."

After a few minutes, Steve waltzed into the kitchen, grabbing the plate of pancakes from you. "Smells amazing, baby." He pressed a kiss to your cheek before heading back to the dining room.

A few minutes later, you joined Steve and the doe eyed little boy at the table, enjoying breakfast together.

As you finished up, Steve was prompting a burst of giggles from the child, as he made Mrs. Butterworth talk.

"You're so silly, Uncle Steve!"

"He really is, isn't he, Jamie?" you said, a smile tugging at your lips at the sight.

Just then, the doorbell rang.

"I think Mom's here!" Steve said, standing up to answer the door.

As Chrissy stepped inside, Steve pulled her into a hug. "Oh my, it smells incredible in here!”

“Had to feed my handsome little man,” you replied, nodding toward Jamie, who was bouncing eagerly in his seat.

Chrissy approached the table, ruffling Jamie’s hair. “Did you have a fun at your sleepover?”

“Yeah!”

“Did you thank your aunt and uncle?” she prompted.

“Sank you!” he beamed.

"Seriously, you guys, Eddie and I owe you one."

"Anytime," you said, handing her the Tupperware you'd prepared in the kitchen. "I packed some breakfast for you and Eddie too."

"You’re the absolute best," she replied, pulling you into a warm hug as Jamie and Steve exchanged their goodbyes.

Jamie then came barreling towards you, as you knelt down for a hug. "See you, bud!"

"Ready to go see Daddy?" Chrissy said as she ushered Jamie toward the door. "Thank you both so much."

"You'll always have a sitter with us, never hesitate to ask," Steve said.

"Love you both!" Chrissy called back, you and Steve echoing her words, before closing the door behind them.

As you turned toward Steve, he had a wide grin on his face. "Well, that was... a lot." He laughed.

"A lot of fun, though," you added.

"Sure was." He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close. "Bit of an odd start, but I think we can still manage a lazy Sunday. What'dya say?"

"Always."

Steve placed a kiss on your forehead, lacing his hand with yours, as you followed him through the hall of your shared home. The story of your love adorned the walls—from your first date to your wedding photos to your trips across the countryside. Today, you paid extra attention to them all, playing back all the memories in your mind.

When you reached your room, the soft morning sunlight filtered through the curtains, casting a glow on your sheets. Steve bounced onto the bed, and as you stood at the edge, laughing, he pulled you down beside him, peppering your face with kisses and murmurs of "I love you."

As you nuzzled into the warmth of his chest, you noted the rhythm of his heartbeat. It calmed you, as his fingertips danced softly across your skin. His touch was intricate and delicate while he hummed a soft tune. You lay there, basking in the bliss of it all. After a few moments, you couldn’t help but ask, "Steve, what are ya thinkin' about?"

"That I couldn't have dreamt up a better life than this," he said, matter of factly.

And honestly, you couldn't agree more.

[whimsical-roasting]

Jamie Tartt and the Five Love Language

THERES SO MUCH I COULD SAYYY and special thanks to @caapsiizzereads for helping me brainstorm some of these!! ugh just wanna love on the babyboy so much yknow??

TELL ME IF THERE'S MORE YOU CAN THINK OFFFFF

Words of Affirmations:

HE HAS A PRAISE KINK. ITS LITERALLYYYYYYY CANNON 

Babyboy is so precious…… he knows how it feels not to get kind words, and so he just can’t help but give them out to you

“Woah, babe��your mind..” in a stunned manner when you go off about something you’re passionate about

“You’re everything to me,” he whispers at night as you fall asleep

Has a shared spotify playlist that you both can collab on, and it’s just songs (lyrics) that remind you of each other!! Jamie plays it when he’s heading to away games in the coach, and it makes him feel a bit calmer 

Giving you ALL the praise and dirty talk during sexy time “you’re so fucking beautiful”, “you make me feel so so good” “holy fuck angel” 

Sometimes just stares at you randomly with a goofy look and you’re like ??? what ??? what is it ?? did he realise i’m ugly or my nose is weird or wHAT !!!???!! and he’s just like, “you look like sunshine”, all smitten and shit

Kisses each feature on your body and says “my favourite” to every. single. one.

“I believe in ya!”

Desperately wants to make sure you guys have a couple’s song - something meaningful that describes how he feels about you that he can play for you both… like Sweet Nothings by Taylor Swift/Hearts Don’t Break Around You by Ed Sheeran/Simple Things by Miguel 

Plays that song after fights when the silences are still tender; when you’re drunk and slow dancing in the kitchen at 3am; when you’re getting dressed for a gala, and he’s fixing his hair, and you’re putting on your earrings

“I adore you, sweetheart”, “you look like a pretty flower”, “me heart fuckin sings seeing ya”

Physical Touch:

Absent-mindedly plays with your hair

Nuzzles face into your neck and then peppers kisses on your shoulder

Massages/scratches your scalp cause he knows how good it feels when you do it for him

Traces patterns on your knee and thighs if you sit next to him

Gotta be holding hands at all times

Pinky promises are sacred… probs locks pinkies and then kisses his thumb to “stamp it” 

Slapping his ass as he walks past you, and so he’s always covering his butt, complaining “babeeee you can’t do thattttt”, but then he’ll be all pouty if one day you don’t slap his ass when he walks past… “do you not love me anymore?”

He will randomly come up to you, wrap your arms around you, getting as close as possible and tuck his face between your shoulder and neck, saying that he’s recharging

Always gotta be touching some part of you.. it’s the only way to live tbh

Gift Giving:

Remember when Jamie was like, “can’t I just buy them all PS5s as a sorry??” “what better thing to spend money on than love?“ LMFAOOOO babyboy :”) he means well

The amount of effort he put into Roy’s gift for Uncle’s Day <3 

Jamie would fucking love getting you fancy, expensive gifts around big occasions (birthdays, holidays etc.) 

BUT I think he’d also love getting you smaller gifts like… Sunday morning flowers, or stocking up on different kinds of herbal tea in his kitchen cause he knows sometimes you’re in the mood for a random cuppa on quiet evenings

Personally, someone like me loves cute tea cups/mugs, so I think buying two mugs to keep in his house cause “they’re so cute, and I wanted them for us” would make him so happy!! He doesn’t even use them all that much, but just seeing them in the cupboard makes him smiley

The kind to want matching outfits or colour-coordinated outfits - most def would buy you both matching sneakers (so would Isaac/most of the team with his S/O)

Gets you a ‘J’ gold chain and wears a gold one with your initial 

If he sees some targeted ad on your insta or something for what you’ve searched up he’s like hmmm,,,,,,i might just,,,*add to cart*

Quality Time:

Wants to spend all his time with you!! Ofc he does!!! 

Is happy to just sit in silence, stroking your calves he watches tiktok with your legs on his lap!! Esp if you’re like reading/doing work on your laptop

He just wants to be there yknow? And he tries not to be annoying but the little puppy can’t help but wanna talk and touch and, ultimately, annoy you

Tries to invite you to all his events? “Can me girlfriend come?” 

Even the ones that aren’t for guests, “babeeee, what do ya mean you won’t come to Colin’s guys' night? I swear they’ll be fine with it…probably!!” “can I come to girl’s night with ya? I’ll let you paint me nails…come on.. Pleaseeee?”

Texts you periodically during the night regardless ahahaha

I like the idea of, “hey I gotta drive somewhere, and it’s gonna take me 30 minutes..can you talk?” whilst one of you is in the car and the other’s at home or, I dunno, has some time during their day 

Date nightssssss every two weeks… OR if the season gets busy and he’s also exhausted from Roy’s trainings then SPECIFIC carved out time to be affectionate and date-y

“I’m so sorry, love, I know we had that reservation tonight, but I came home knackered and just crashed…” “Jaim, it’s okay-” “No, no, it’s not! I’m so fucking dead from training I don’t even get to take ya out anymore! What if- what if you wanted a picnic, huh!” “Baby, it’s okay, really.. How about we set up a picnic on the living room floor and order takeout? Something that Roy’ll let you eat, yea?” “I’m so fucking grateful for ya, angel, I swear” 

He always wants you to watch him score a goal on FIFA cause he’s a child ahahaha… probably teaches you how to play and then pouts when you score as Obisanya 

Wants to try out random hobbies with you - sip and paint cause “I’ll have an excuse to draw outta the lines”; knitting cause “Bumbercatch said it’s soothin, babe”; quick dry clay but he makes a big circular lump at first and grins at you “look babe!! I made a football!” 

Acts of Service:

HIM TEACHING ROY HOW TO RIDE A BIKE 

Makes you coffee once he’s back from his 4am training 

Always offers you his jacket/coat

“I know this was stressing ya, babe, so I took care of it”

“Don’t worry, love, I’ve been practising this dish just for you.. I won’t burn it this time, promise”

Late night cravings???? McDonald’s fries and an Oreo Mcflurry?? He’s already slipping on his jacket and finding his keys (imagine how attentive he’d be with your weird ass pregnancy cravings omg)

ALWAYS opens doors for you... Probably yells “WAIT” when in the car with you just so he can jog out and open your door with a grin 

Always down to carry your purse, puts it on his shoulder like it’s HIS despite having his lil bum bag across his chest

Nightime or morning routine, he probs has to get ready before you so he lays out your skincare for you. Probs adds toothpaste on your brush if he hears you getting ready to enter the bathroom

Probably the main one driving everywhere, but if you drive and need to fill up your tank, he’ll be the one to get out and fill it then pay,,, he’s almost offended that you say you’re capable of doing so yourself, “babe, what am I here for?!”

Tries to eat in accordance with your dietary requirements (e.g. I’m vegetarian) if you guys have date night - or he’ll always have like mouthwash and gum so he can kiss ya later without making you feel uncomfortable!!

“Ooh babe, they have the ravioli ya like and the vodka gnocchi!! Okay, you order the ravioli, and I’ll get the gnocchi and we’ll split, yea?” “Hey Jaim, can we order fries too?” “Fuck yea!”

[pastryleclerc]

je vais t'aimer

requested: yes/no

pairing: charles leclerc x fem!reader (one shot)

warnings: slow burn smut (the act itself is about two pages long, it's also my first!!), my bad english (and possibly bad writing), language, established bf/gf relationship, some fluff of charles and the reader making music together and being domestic towards the end, lots of text in between the lyrics - please imagine yourself singing in one go, reader is described to have brunette hair and blue eyes, mentions of death and dying, oral (fem and male receiving), p in v, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, kids!) but reader is said to be on the pill, cock warming if you squint, also slight breeding kink towards the end, please comment if you find anything else and i'll add it to the list

word count: 4.846 words (with lyrics), 4.352 words (without lyrics)

a/n: hello guys 🥰 finally it's here - my first fic! i truly can't believe that i wrote an almost seven page long one shot but here we are. 🤩 the inspiration for the fic was "je vais t'aimer" by louane from the movie "la famille bélier" (the original was sung by michel sardou) - go and give the song a listen if you can :) i've proofread the text but i'm sure there will be a few mistakes, especially when it comes to grammar and commas, since english is not my first language. also, i feel like the ending is a bit rushed. 😅 feel free to let me know what you think as feedback and constructive criticism is always welcome 🙏 if you can find the symbolism used in this, i'll give you a cookie 🍪 in addition to that there's a hint to one of my favorite shows - leave a comment if you know what it is 😉 (italics = lyrics, brackets = translations) - here we go, i hope you enjoy this :) | *"Tonnerre de Dieu" is an idiom meaning something like "Bloody hell!"

🔎 directions | 🔎 masterlist

The cool summer breeze coming through the window – which was left open after last night’s activities – softly grazed her skin. The warm sunrays that rested upon her eyelids awakened her slowly. It was an early Sunday morning in the Monégasque summer – almost too early for her liking – so she blinked a few times but ultimately decided to close her eyes again, hoping to get a few more hours of sleep. Trying to escape the rising sun she turned towards where she thought her lover would be laying, hoping to snuggle up to him while enjoying the last day of their free weekend. But when she reached out her warm, delicate hands, all she could feel were empty sheets that had started to become cold already, indicating that her boyfriend had been out of their shared bed for a while now. So much for staying in bed.

Slowly Y/N sat up, letting out a yawn while stretching her arms above her head. By doing so, her own sheets slipped down her body, uncovering her very naked breasts. She sighed to herself, memories of the previous night came flashing back shortly, making her miss the brunette boy even more. Her heart yearned for him, thinking about the love and intimacy they shared. So the young woman made it her mission to find her other half. She swung her legs over the edge of their shared bed – her warm feet meeting the cold floor – and walked into her adjacent closet, fishing a fresh pair of panties out of the drawer. Forgoing putting on any more clothes, she went back into the bedroom and picked up the shirt her boyfriend wore yesterday and slipped it on. She tried to open the door as silent as possible, already hearing the faint sounds of a piano, and went to the top step of the staircase. From there the young woman could see her boyfriends bare back as he played the keys with his delicate fingers. Y/N noticed how the muscles of his back, moved with the rhythm he created, absolutely mesmerizing her. She couldn’t believe how such a beautiful man was truly hers and decided to watch him a little longer before making her way downstairs with the softest steps she could possibly muster as to not make him aware of her presence.

Charles Leclerc was up early. He didn’t understand why, as it was his weekend off and he had stayed up late the night before – he should be exhausted. Looking to his left, he saw his girlfriend and smiled at her sleeping form. His heart tugged at it’s strings at how filled it was with love for Y/N. His mind remembering the events of the night before. The look in her eyes gave her own love for him away, as he deeply stared into them while making sweet love to her. Their foreheads stuck together as they exchaged words of affection, some more dirty than others. For a second the young racing driver thought about waking the woman beside him up to take care of his now throbbing member but ultimately decided to not disturb her peaceful slumber. The brunette leaned over and gave his girlfriend a soft kiss on the forehead before he slowly, as careful as possible, sat up in bed and let out a yawn. He started to look for his boxers that should have been left somewhere in the room. When the Monégasque had found them he stood up and tip toed to the piece of clothing, which was laying by the bed post, and put it on. Before Charles left the room, he turned around once more and took one last look at the sleeping woman in their shared bed – half smiling at the sight – and made his way downstairs to work on his music.

Long arms snaked around his torso and a kiss was pressed to his neck. „Good morning, mon amour,“ his girlfriend whispered sweetly in his ear. If he didn’t know what music sounded like, he’d probably say this might have been it – the angelic voice of the woman he loved. Charles body automatically leaned back in her arms and he rested his head on her shoulder. „Morning, mon cœur.“ he smirked at her, squinting his eyes while he looked at her. She kissed his stubbly cheek, her left arm moved to lay over his exposed chest: „Why are you awake already? I’ve missed you.“ The older man shook his head slightly and he was able to smell his girlfriends hair: „Couldn’t sleep anymore I guess.“ Y/N hummed in response. „So you decided to leave me all alone and replaced me with your piano?“ She mumbled in her lovers neck and left a hickey. Charles hissed. „You found me after all, didn’t you? How about you join me?“ He slid to the left and patted the now free space on the bench. The woman behind him grinned and wrapped her fragile fingers around his firm chin, turning his head to look up at her. Their eyes met, completely enamoured with one another. Slowly both started to lean in until their lips finally touched for their first official good morning kiss on this early Sunday morning. The drivers hand moved to lay on her neck, deepening the kiss as both of them let out a sigh. He took it as his opportunity to slip his tongue between his girlfriends parted lips, making out with her some more, until she pushed him back slightly by his chin. „I thought you had asked if I wanted to join you?“ Y/N smirked at Charles and got the biggest smile out in response, showing off his beautiful teeth. „That I did!“ His opposite giggled and gave him on last kiss on the cheek.

She moved away from him and sat on the bench to his right hand side. Turning his head to look at her, he asked her: „Would you like to sing for me?“, knowing she had the most beautiful singing voice in the world (but don’t tell George he said that, he’d fight him for his life trying to defend Lewis). Her head now turned to look at him too: „I’d love that. Can I make a wish.“ Charles heart skipped a beat at her question and he stared at her as if she hung the moon, the sun and all of his stars. „You don’t even have to ask, you know I’d fulfill you all your wishes without a second thought.“ The young womans eyes got teary hearing those words from her lover of two years, knowing he loved her as much as she loved him. „Je vais t’aimer, mon beau.“ Her boyfriends wrinkled as his lips spread out into a smile: „Toi aussi, ma belle.“ „No, idiot, the song from ‚La famille Bélier‘.“ She laughed loudly, infecting the other Monégasque with it’s brightness and who soon joined her, shaking his head. „I knew that of course.“ Smirking, Y/N rolled her eyes, knowing full well he didn’t. Charles eyed her from the side and cleared his throat while cracking his knuckles, before his warm fingers touched the cold piano tiles again to form the opening notes oft he 1976 tune.

À faire pâlir tous les Marquis de Sade (To make all the Marquis de Sade pale)

À faire rougir les putains de la rade (To make the whores blush in the harbor)

À faire crier grâce à tous les échos (To be shouted through all the echoes)

À faire trembler les murs de Jéricho (To shake the walls of Jericho)

Je vais t′aimer (I will love you)

Y/N tried not to look at Charles while singing the all too familiar song but she couldn’t help it. He was just so gorgeous. The way his fingers moved across the tiles amazed her, watching his forearms flex while doing so. A simple yet so effective move, which – in a dangerous mix with the obscene lyrics coming out of her mouth - went straight down to her core.

À faire flamber des enfers dans tes yeux (To make hell blaze in your eyes)

À faire jurer tous les tonnerres de Dieu (To make all the thunders of God swear*)

À faire dresser tes seins et tous les Saints (To have your breasts and all the saints raise)

À faire prier et supplier nos mains, je vais t'aimer (To make us pray and beg our hands I will love you)

His cheeks reddened hearing her sing those lewd words which were meant to be for him only at this very moment. Her hand touched his biceps, moving up and down, and it sent cold shivers down his back straight to his dick. He loved sharing such intimate moments with her, just the two of them – sometimes they watched a movie, other times, like today, they made some music together – but as soon as her long fingers moved across his naked skin, he always knew he was gone for and there was only one way this would end. And she knew it too.

Je vais t′aimer comme on ne t'a jamais aimée (I’m going to love you like you’ve never been before)

Je vais t'aimer plus loin que tes rêves ont imaginé (I’m going to love you further than your dreams have imagined)

Je vais t′aimer, je vais t′aimer (I’m going to love you, I’m going to love you)

Je vais t'aimer comme personne n′a osé t'aimer (I will love you like no one has dared to love you)

Je vais t′aimer comme j'aurai tellement aimé être aimé (I will love you as I would have loved to be loved)

Je vais t′aimer, je vais t'aimer (I’m going to love you, I’m going to love you)

The young woman put her head on her boyfriends shoulder while singing, as she moved the hand – which was wrapped around his biceps – to the veins on his forearm and finally landing on his right thigh. Slowly she caressed the exposed skin, making the bulge in his underwear grow. The air between the two lovers became thicker with sexual tension second by second. Charles just really wanted to hear her sweet voice sing but now he was about to hear even better sounds coming out of her mouth and her teasing showed just how close she was to giving him herself all over again. And he loved every bit of it.

À faire vieillir, à faire blanchir la nuit (To age, to whiten the night)

À faire brûler la lumière jusqu'au jour (Burning the light until the day)

À la passion et jusqu′à la folie (To passion and to the point of madness)

Je vais t′aimer, je vais t'aimer d′amour (I will love you, I will love you with love)

À faire cerner, à faire fermer nos yeux (To be identified, to close our eyes)

À faire souffrir, à faire mourir nos corps (To make us suffer, to kill our bodies)

À faire voler nos âmes aux septièmes cieux (To make our bodies fly into seventh heaven)

À se croire morts et faire l'amour encore, je vais t′aimer (To think you’re dead and make love again, I’m going to love you)

The words sung perfectly described the love they shared for one another. They were each other light in the darkness of this world, especially Y/N for Charles. She was his anchor and saving grace whenever he had a bad race and she was there for him through it all – the ups and downs of racing ever since they had been kids, the deaths of his father and Jules, the travelling, the distance, the winning, the losing and everything in between. Everytime they had sex it felt like the very first time. And everytime they finished it felt like they had died and gone to heaven. He was excited to feel this way again and he knew she felt the same way. Their passion for one another almost exceeding the point of madness where they couldn’t go long without seeing, touching and talking to each other and not turning crazy about it. Charles and Y/N burned for each other- their love a blazing flame that never seemed to die – they were the bane of each others existence and the objects of all their desires and wildest dreams. For the last chorus the young woman let all of those feelings out and every word was meant only for her Monégasque lovers ears – the one man she ever wanted to spend her forever and beyond with.

Je vais t'aimer comme on ne t′a jamais aimée (I’m going to love you like you’ve never been loved)

Je vais t'aimer plus loin que tes rêves ont imaginé (I’m going to love you further than your dreams have imagined)

Je vais t'aimer, je vais t′aimer (I’m going to love you, I’m going to love you)

Je vais t′aimer comme personne n'a osé t′aimer (I will love you like no one has dared to love you)

Je vais t'aimer comme j′aurai tellement aimé être aimé (I will love you as I would have loved to be loved)

Je vais t'aimer, je vais t′aimer (I’m going to love you, I’m going to love you)

Charles fingers lingered on the piano, finishing the final note. They stayed silent for a little longer, letting the past few minutes catch up to them, the only sound being heard were their breaths that were in sync with each other – mirroring the rapid beating of their hearts. The woman moved her right hand from her boyfriends thigh and placed it upon his chest. „I love you, mon amour, thank you for letting me share this moment with you,“ she whispered in his ear and left a kiss right below it. The racing driver next to her turned slightly and put his hand on her cheek, his thumb caressing the warm skin. „Anytime again, ma belle.“ His dimples showed due to the soft smile that made it’s way to his face. And also his girlfriend couldn’t help but reach out for him, letting her hand linger on the side of his neck. The two of them knew what was about to happen, so Charles put his arm around Y/Ns waist, pulling her even closer (if that was possible) and their lips radiated towards each other, as if they were two magnets, finally reuniting in a breathtaking kiss.

When they broke apart, Y/N took the initiative and took her sweet time kissing down his body, leaving a few hickeys on the way – from his cheek, to his neck and his abs, until she ended up on her knees in front of the piano, facing Charles‘ crotch. Looking down on his girlfriend, he moaned her name: „Touches moi, s’il te plaît…“ Smirking at that, Y/N let her hands glid up his thigh. „Of course, baby boy, let me take care of you.“ Slowly she caressed his bulge while maintaining eye contact before dropping her head to leave some more kisses on his thighs. Then she moved her hand into his shorts and boxers to free his semi-hard dick. Charles shuddered when her cold fingers touched his warm dick and he bit his lip to keep in the moan he so badly wanted to let out. „Don’t hold back, baby, I wanna hear you. Show me how good I can make you feel.“ The girl encouraged him while stroking his hardening length. „Mon dieu…“, Charles whispered under his breath and threw his head back. At that she smirked and stuck out her tongue in order to lick a long stripe up the underside of her boyfriends dick, sucking on his tip where she left another kiss. The brunette driver locked eyes with his girlfriend who just swallowed his precum and continued to watch her as her mouth wrapped around his length again and went further and further to take him in fully. „Oh.“ His moan spurred her on and she started bobbing her head up and down, as her hand went to massage his balls. Charles so desperately wanted to keep focused on the woman in front of him but he ultimately lost control and fisted his hand in her hair, in order to form a makeshift ponytail and started pushing her head down on his dick harder. „Chérie - I’m gonna…“ His breathy voice got cut off by a groan he couldn’t hold back. As if his girlfriend could sense it, she had moaned on his dick and stroked his thick thighs, silently telling him to come in her mouth. A few seconds later Y/N heard Charles let out an especially loud moan and felt his sweet cum shoot down her throat. The young woman released his dick from her luscious lips with a loud „popp“ and opened her mouth to show Charles that she had swallowed it all. With hazy eyes he smirked down at his girlfriend and wrapped his hand around her chin, his thumb lightly stroking her cheek. „Good girl.“ He leaned down to leave a kiss on her forehead, then helped her stand on her two feet again. „Let me return the favor, amour.“

Charles stood up and deeply stared into his girlfriends eyes while slowly taking steps forward, backing her up into the piano. „Cha…“ Y/Ns voice was desperate and she closed her eyes as he reached out his hands. She waited for his touch, which never came. He closed the lid of the piano, then returned his attention to the smaller woman, his eyes so full of lust for her. His head bent down and he feverishly kissed her which she easily returned, their tongues exploring each others mouths, as if it was the first time they made out. The racing driver put his hands on her butt and softly kneaded the skin there, before leaving a slap on her right ass cheek, making her gasp loudly. „Jump.“ He said with his signature wink. Y/N did as she was told and wrapped her legs around his torso, as he sat her on top of the piano. „You look so good in my shirt. Much better than I ever did, ma jolie.“ His girlfriend giggled and his hands glid along her curves taking them all in. Charles kneeled down until his eyes were lined up with her ankles. He left the lightest kisses up her legs, alternating between the left and right one, while moving his hands up their sides. When his eyes were on the same level as her core he pulled her crotch closer to his face by her hips. „Ahh!“ A squeal left the girls lips as Charles took her by suprise. The latter laughed slighty. „Excuse-moi, Chérie.“ All was forgotten though when he kissed her cunt through her panties before he pulled them down. The excitement rose in his chest and he licked his lips, whereas his girlfriend felt a certain anticipation, wating for him to continue. Moving his face closer to her already dripping core he left a longing kiss on her clit, as his right hand came up to assist him – one of his fingers went in between her folds collecting her juices. „So wet for me already, bébé.“ He then wrapped his lips around his own finger, tasting her. „And so sweet.“ Y/N was in a state of pure bliss already, humming approvingly. „All for you, ma vie.“ Charles nodded. „Yes, all mine.“ The Monégasque started sucking on her clit again, acting as if his life essence is made up of the sweet sounds that escaped her throat. One of his fingers finally entered her, moving in and out in a steady rhythm that coordinated with the way his tongue moved along her clit. It felt as though she was his instrument: His fingers moved delicately inside of her, playing out a tune of moans mixing with the breathy calles of her name, truly showing his artistic skills aside from the piano. Two of his fingers were inside of her now, preparing the young woman for later, as he alternated between scissoring her hole and stroking her g-spot.

As Y/N felt her orgasm approach, her hands flew to her boyfriends fluffy hair, pulling on the loose curls. „Charlie, ne t’arrête pas!“ She moaned, feeling the tight knot in her lower stomach starting to loosen up. Spurred on by the soft massaging of her hands he moaned onto her clit. That was the last note missing in their steamy melody pulling the girl over the edge as she came with a loud scream of his name, squirting her juices into his mouth. He lapped at her lower lips, trying to collect all the juices he could get, before rising from his kneeling position. Her uneven breaths started to calm down again as she noticed the state of his chin through half-lidded eyes and let out a shaky laugh. „I’m so sorry, mon Chéri.“ Charles slightly leaned over her, moving his hand to her back, as he wrapped her right leg around his waist to pick her up and get her into a standing position in between him and the piano again. „No need to be sorry, mon ange. I enjoyed every second of it.“ At the second sentence his voice lowered an octave, accentuating every word into her ear. He nibbled on her earlobe moving down her neck, leaving a small hickey there. „Should we move this to the sofa for the big climax of our wonderful duet?“ He asked into her neck, knowing the couch was closer. „Yes, please.“ She breathed out, her head still thrown to the side, letting Charles have his access to her skin.

He took her hand in his and lead her to the other part of their living room. There, she regained some control when he turned around in order to kiss her, and she put her hand on his chest instead, pushing him back into the soft pillows. Charles smirked as he was under her spell once more. He patted his thighs and his girlfriend smiled, placing herself in her favorite seat, facing him. Once more the two lovers found themselves lost in each others eyes, before slowly leaning in, their lips meeting in a loving kiss, much softer than the ones before. Y/N moved her hands along his abs once more, moving over his bare chest to his toned shoulders. His own hands found their way to her wast, moving towards the hem of her – no, his – shirt, slowly lifting it above her head and throwing it somewhere behind him. The sudden cold air made her nipples harden, sending a shiver down her back. Charles smiled up at her – taking in all of her naked glory – and licked his lips in anticipation. His right hand moved to her breast, his lips latched around the other. „Ohh, Char…“ The young woman moaned and watched him suck on her tits. The fingers of his right hand fumbled with the small bud before he went to switch sides. Wanting to feel more of him, Y/N rubbed her body along his legs. Smirking, he removed himself from her boobs. „So impatient, ma jolie.“ His girlfriend laughed. „I mean, can you blame me? Everything about you turns me on immensly. Mon dieu, je t’aime tellement.“ The heat of her bare core meeting the cold skin of his thigh – he had already forgotten that her panties still layed somewhere by his piano – reminding him about the truthfulness of her statement. „Je t’aime aussi, mon cœur.“ The two stared lovingly at each other once more before the woman moved her hands down to the waistband of her boyfriends boxers – the only article of clothing left to separate their most intimate parts – and she couldn’t stand his advantage at all. „Take them off, baby.“ He smirked and tapped his hands on his girlfriends waist to signal her that she would have to get off him first. Y/N lifted her butt so that he could pull the garment down, letting them hang by his knees.

With his underwear out of the way, the woman above him slowly sunk down on his dick, stabilizing herself by putting her hands on his shoulders. At the feeling of Charles length entering her wet hole, they both let out long moans. „Putain!“ Y/N placed one of her hands on his cheek, making him look into her eyes – then she started to move. Slowly she lifted herself off him and sunk back down. The two lovers found a steady rhythm, their bodies creating a sweet melody once more. Charles hands wandered to his girlfriends ass, leaving a slap there before he kneaded the soft skin, soothing it in the process. His love let out a yelp and started to bounce on top of him faster. Her hands now rested on his waist, as she let her head fall to his neck, making her body lean on his. The new angle made both of them feel the movements more intensly – their breathy moans and husky groans filling the already sinful aria of skin slapping on skin to it’s full extent. „Chérie…“ the driver moaned into her ear, kissing his girlfriends shoulder. „Regarde-moi.“ Y/N lifted her head look at her boyfriend, who moved on of his hands to the back of her head, pulling her closer and locking their lips in a desperate and messy kiss. As they pulled away for air, both could feel their orgasms approaching. With his hand, Charles kept the woman close to him, the sweat on their foreheads mixing. „I’m so close.“ She deeply stared into his eyes, nodding frantically. „Moi aussi, Char.“ Then he steard to trust his hips up into hers, supporting her sloppier movements. Suddenly all the different components became too much for her to handle – from his hands on her body, his dick filling her wet core, to their erratic breaths conjoining in lazy, open-mouthed kisses - her body overstimulating as it reached it’s climax. The relieving wave washed over her and she came with a loud, high-pitched scream of her boyfriends name. Her walls clenched around his dick, sending Charles over the edge too, who let out a deep growl followed by a hitched cry of her nickname. The driver still held her body close as she collapsed on top of him and he started stroking her back in order to calm her down.

It felt like minutes before either of them moved again – the Monégasque just enjoying the feeling of her naked breasts on his skin, his partner listening to the sound of his beating heart. Charles even thought about taking her again, but that’s a thing that could wait until later. Right now, all he wanted to do was staying right here with her in his arms. But his girlfriend had other plans, as she was the first to sit up again. At the feeling of Charles dick still inside her both let out a groan, before laughing. „Merde, I almost forgot about that.“ Y/Ns hands caressed his cheeks as she dipped her head to leave a short but sweet kiss on his lips before she tried to lift herself off his length. She hissed at the feeling of the cold air of the living room hitting her warm entrance and noticed the way Charles cum dripped out of her hole. „Mmh, I love seeing that.“ The man in question stood up and pulled up his boxers before he stepped closer to his still very naked girlfriend again and held her close. „Can’t wait for when you don’t take the pill anymore. Gonna fill you up all nicely until you’re pregnant with our child, mon amour.“ He whispered seductively in her ear. The woman tried hard to keep her composure at his words, but the goosebumps on her skin gave her away. She wanted to have a child with him, as much as he wanted it, but only after they had gotten married. Leaving a last kiss on his lips before going off to search the shirt she was wearing earlier, she switched the topic while looking around the room with Charles following her around. „I’m starving, how about breakfast?“ Y/N smiled softly at Charles before putting on the piece of clothing, having found it laying behind the couch. „Oh yeah, let me help!“ The driver beamed as his girlfriend passed by the piano, picking up her panties, turning around afterwards to face her boyfriend – laughing at him. „Surely, ma vie, I’ll let you cut some veggies but that’s it, idiot.“ Charles jokingly rolled his eyes. „I’ll do anything, as long as it’s with you.“ She blushed at his words, softly hitting his chest with a wink. „Sweet.“ The two of them pulled back the curtains and opened the windows on the first floor of the apartment in order to let some fresh air in, before going to the kitchen to fix their brunch.

The two lovers spent the rest of their day cuddling on the couch, watching some movies and just enjoying each others company before ordering some takeout in the evening.

disclaimer: all work posted on here with this disclaimer was written by me. i do not consent this work to be published or translated on other sites than my own (@pastryleclerc on tumblr or wattpad). picture credits to their rightful owners

copyright: ©️ 2023 pastryleclerc on tumblr, all rights reserved

[jinnie-ret]

seasons

seungmin x fem!reader

genre: fluff, slight angst

content warnings: cheating ((not explicit) not by seungmin)

word count: 1.6k

summary: you and seungmin have been best friends forever, and your strong bond really shines through when he comforts you through a tough time

requested by: anon

1K FOLLOWERS PLAYLIST 💚🖤

MAIN MASTERLIST

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Summer

"She had badada and green eyes like Namjoon," she sung quietly to herself, not quite knowing the lyrics but appreciating the fact that she wasn't the only one who thought the song sounded like it mentioned the leader of BTS.

The vibes were immaculate, in her opinion. Sun shining down onto her apartment balcony on a beautiful Sunday morning, accompanied by an iced coffee made by her best friend and neighbour, Seungmin.

"You always do this, you're obsessed with that man I swear," Seungmin sighed exaggerating his disdain as he took a seat opposite the woman, Hell N Back by Bakar playing in the background.

"Why would I not be, Seungmin?" she let her face fall to a bluntly disappointed one, no sign of a smile.

Poor Seungmin immediately felt awkward, wondering if he did something to upset her. To his own demise he could never tell, she was full of surprises, this one. But that's what he liked about her, she kept him on his toes.

"Umm..."

"That's what I thought," she suddenly grinned, taking his unsureness as a victory, a brightness entering their morning once more.

The mood change was abrupt, thats for sure, but Seungmin felt intrigued by it nonetheless. This happened every time.

Later on in the week, Seungmin was reading in the bedroom of his apartment, windows open in desperate attempt to let some cool air in to fight against the Summer heat. Not to mention he was getting ready to watch the sunset anyways.

The sight of the orange and pink hues painting a picture across the sky was something more than enough to pique his interest, yet the sound of her dreamy voice from the balcony was also intriguing to him.

"Girl! I don't even know what to think... There's this really cute guy," she cried out with exasperation.

Seungmin couldn't help himself from nosily listening in on the conversation, a tiny part of his soul pleading and begging that the conversation was about him.

"He gave me his number!"

Oh, so it wasn't him. Figures. She deserved someone better than him, someone more consistent.

This season had proven to be a busy one filled with situationships turning into relationships, his best friend now happily with her boyfriend after a couple of dates. That too, made Seungmin content, but he had been playing it off one too many times for it to look like he wasn't purposely ignoring the opportunities to meet the man who stole her away from him. brought a sense of happiness. He finally built up the courage, simply popping round next door in a grey hoodie and some blue jeans to meet the guy who had stolen his Summer away from him.

Seungmin decided he didn't like this man. He wasn't even sleazy, or mean, or any other bad adjective that he could conjure up in his mind. If anything, he was perfect for you. And that hurt.

He felt torn. One side of him knew that he was jealous, the other knew that this was the best thing that could happen to you. Someone who was brave enough to share their feelings and treat you properly.

Autumn

When the leaves turned into beautiful shades of red, orange and yellow, Seungmin began to hate the fact that all he could notice were the dead, brown and wilted leaves, walked all over by pedestrians in the park. It wasn't a nice thought, but it reminded him of her. Being walked over by her boyfriend without any suspicion being thrown at him.

Seungmin longed to tell her, let her know that she wasn't the only woman in her boyfriend's life, but then he'd be ruining her happiness, and red was such a beautiful colour on her lips that contrasted wonderfully with her bright orange beanie and the golden jewellery she wore. He would regret not speaking up earlier, instead of not letting it all fall apart.

Winter

The man who should have spoken much early came to regret holding back his confession from her. Yet, despite feeling in the wrong himself, he couldn't hold back his anger. Seungmin didn't mean to lash out at her, he just wished she had seen it instead of coming to him in tears about how unfaithful her boyfriend had been.

"I told you so!" Seungmin shook his head grumpily after shutting the door to his apartment. Whether it was more directed towards himself or her, he couldn't tell.

"You didn't!?! Are you telling me there was something wrong and you didn't tell me?" she paused her in her tremendous effort of not going bald whilst she tugged at her hair.

"What? I was supposed to just be like 'oh by the way this perfect dreamy guy is actually a lying bastard and a cheat?' Is that what you wanted? Because I've been trying to figure that out this whole time," Seungmin rambled, feeling everything he held back throughout the past two seasons.

"Figure what out?!" she was out of her mind at this point, hands on her hips as she looked at him.

"How I can make sure you're happy," Seungmin sighed, waving his hand out to the sofa as he took a seat to ground himself and hopefully her as well.

"Well I'll tell you one thing, I'm not very happy right now. I think I'm on the verge of a breakdown, b.t.w," she earnestly admitted, bitterly laughing at her own pain.

"Stop doing that," Seungmin rolled his eyes.

"Oh so are you gonna tell me what to do now? After you hid that bombshell from me?" she furiously fought back. How could he not say anything to her? She thought they were good enough friends and that they had each others' backs.

"You were so happy! Every day you'd come back to your apartment with this big grin on your face and this slight blush from the cold weather and we'd drink hot chocolates or a mocha or sometimes a chai latte I know you love those too..." Seungmin righteously explained his judgement, perhaps divulging just a tad.

"You're going massively off topic," she hugged a breath out of her nose, folding her arms and sinking deeper into the sofa that was much more comfier than the one in her own home. Seungmin always had a good eye for things, and it seemed he noticed all the little things about her too.

"I'm well aware. I think I'm overcompensating because this is a very uncomfortable situation right now," Seungmin bluntly admitted, exchanging awkward glances at the woman who couldn't hold eye contact with him either.

He soon found a way to make things up to her in the moment, bringing some comfort that deterred the tension from before. Even if it did include sitting in front of a fake fire he found a video of on YouTube on his TV, the electric blankets and hot chocolates he made seemed to make up for that lack of warmth.

The smile on her face did too.

"Just like the real thing," she smiled lightly in content, chapped lips blowing against the top of the mug.

"I only did it for you," Seungmin began sentimentally.

"I know you hate the non realism of this but can you just-" she began, wanting to bask in the peace of not feeling utterly angry at him anymore.

"No, I mean, I... I only wanted you to be the happiest you could be. I hope you know that. It doesn't mean you have to forgive me but I just need you to know that, ok?" Seungmin let his words hang in the air as they got cosy.

Spring

With new flowers blossoming and the sun shining much more frequently, there came lovely notes of sweet floral scents, and the reminder that change can be beautiful, and sometimes it is for the best.

"Stand there," Seungmin firmly said, holding up his phone and trying to get the best angles he could to capture the beauty of the cherry blossom tree and his best friend. She was smiling a lot more lately. He liked that.

"Ok bossy," she laughed and rolled her eyes. She was laughing more too. He loved that.

"I'm trying to help you get good dating profile pics," Seungmin complained, moving his phone from taking up most of his field of vision.

"No they're for my insta like yours will be, I told you already!" she complained back, wanting to stay away from that aspect of her life to focus more on herself for the moment.

"Oh, giving up on the dating life I see?" Seungmin teased.

"Low blow, Seungmin, low blow," she dropped her grim in exchange for a small frown that furrowed her brows.

"Sorry, sorry. Geez, yep... that photo definitely captures your umm... RBF," Seungmin muttered, but apparently not too quietly as it started a small war of playful shoves being exchanged.

Someone had to win soon, and Seungmin was sure that he would be the one to when she tripped over into his arms. There was no way he'd let go though, throughout the tough times in the past year, they only had each other. And he also got to stare at her face up close without an excuse to himself. She got to gaze into his gorgeous brown eyes, and also his lips, and then back up at his eyes.

"Shit, my phone," Seungmin groans, helping them both regain their balance.

She couldn't help but watch him fondly, happy to be with him through the seasons. If she had him by her side, that was more than enough.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

tagged: @skz-streamer @kiraisastay @kpopmenace143 @haodore @arloo00 @dunno-wut-to-do @splat00z @cheesemonky @his-angell @2minstan @skzoologist @lovingchan @atinyniki @writingforstraykids @minholing @lilmisssona @astraysimp @lixie-phoria @michelle4eve @linoalwaysknows @royal-shinigami @jolly04 @turtledove824 @yangbbokari @thisrandomgoofy15 @lieslab @hannamoon143

[bbgnyx]

Hi babe it's me leigh ✌ Saw your song requests like 10 secs ago so 👀👀

song name: in the stars by benson boone

song lyric: and now you're in the stars and six-feet's never felt so far

pairing: minho x female reader

disc: the reader dies and minho is just devastated and he cries for the first time in front of everyone and stays ☹️ (I'm bad at descriptions save me-)

Anyway thx for reading!!!

a/n: omg babe this song has been running in my head recently so this request was like you read my mind 😭✋. This was so sad to write honestly, hope it matches what you had in mind!

my taglist is open btw, just message me if you wanna be part of it!!

And now you're in the stars and six-feet's never felt so far~

genre: angst

warnings: very sad, church and god are mentioned, mentions of blood and death, indirect mention of cancer, mention of a funeral. lmk if I miss anything

Sunday mornings used to hold so much joy for Minho. It was the one day he could spend with you, and it filled his heart with happiness. The two of you would go on adorable picnics, visit malls, and sometimes even attend church together. He couldn't help but think how beautiful you looked with your hair up and that radiant smile on your face. Minho was a softie, but only when it came to you.

He remembers the times when he would get jealous of you because Soonie Doongie and Dori seemed to love you more than him. He cherishes the memories of cuddling up in bed with you, watching movies together. Every little thing about you, he adored. You were his angel. But now, Sunday mornings are no longer his favorite. Not after everything that has happened.

When he was with you, Sunday mornings held a different meaning. Now that you're gone, Minho knows that nothing will ever be the same again. If he doesn't have concerts or practice, he simply sleeps in, avoiding going out because it only brings back painful memories. He has even lost his faith in God, burying it alongside you, deep beneath the earth.

Minho has lost count of how many times he has stood there, screaming at God, questioning why the love of his life was taken away from him. Why did God seem to hate him so much, leaving him to suffer like this? He is constantly lost in his thoughts, not knowing what else to do but cry himself to sleep, knowing that you will never be there to comfort him again.

Minho still remembers the day you were admitted into the hospital, they said you were okay, they said you only had to go through a small surgery. All of it were lies. That day, Minho’s band had won an award, but he couldn’t even relish the happiness as he soon got a call from your mother.

“She’s in a critical stage, she has lost a lot of blood, the doctors don’t know if they can save her”, your mom said sobbing through the phone. At that moment, it took Minho his everything not to leave the award show immediately and fly back home to you. He had been crying all day and all night, worried about you. He should be there with you, he thought.

On Sunday, he took the award and flew back to you as soon as possible. Only to be informed that you’re gone, you’re not with him anymore. You had passed away.

Minho remembers the day of your funeral. The weight of your absence crushed him, burying his heart alongside you, six feet under the ground. “It’s okay Minho, she loves you with all her life,” your mother said, trying to console him. He felt weak and helpless then.

All these pent-up emotions let loose at his most recent concert. You had always told him to show his emotions to others, not to close his heart away. So he cried, he cried like he had lost everything and he did. He lost you, and you were his everything, you were the earth and he was the moon and now he didn’t have anything to revolve around. On that stage, he crumbled, his fellow members offering solace, while fans shed tears alongside him, showering him with words of comfort.

It felt as though he had loved you for an eternity, but he realized that the time he spent with you was merely a fraction of his lifetime, while you had loved him throughout your entire existence. This realization shattered him to his core. How was it fair? You had promised to always be by his side, to never leave him alone. And you kept that promise, remaining faithful even in death. But what about him? He wasn't there when you underwent surgery, he wasn’t there through your suffering and he wasn't even there when you took your final breath.

He felt stupid not to realise that you were suffering. He hated that you hid your condition from him. He always wondered why you asked him what he would do if you weren’t there. He always replied, “I’ll protect you so nothing ever happens to you, my love”. But now he couldn’t protect you and that broke him, and it would break him till he took his last breath and he would be lying if he said he didn’t wish that day came soon so he could see you again. But all he knows now is that he loved you, loves you and will continue loving you.

[thoughtfulchaos773]

This was a theory I found on reddit and I made a post about it here. Let @turbulenthandholding and I entertain this theory for fun! We were bouncing off ideas, and there's meta turbulent written about disassociation and memory loss.

Carmy & PTSD.

You may also be unable to recall crucial information or forget essential milestones in your life or significant relationships. link

So here it goes: Carmy met Sydney the day he made the hamachi with blood orange, just a few days after Mikey died. He's wearing that glove because the wound is still fresh. So, he continues working and avoids seeing Mikey's body in Chicago.

But talking with Sydney, she's the first person he shares with about his brother's death (she doesn't know how he died because she asks questions about Michael in 1x02 Hands). They had a connection that night and slept together in her hotel room.

Afterward, he has a panic attack, and Sydney calms him down. This is actually the first time it has happened where she calms him. She tells him he should go to Chicago to say goodbye to his brother. That night, when she falls asleep, he goes back to Chicago.

A body in the morgue can be there for up to 30 days- this is where this fragmented memory comes up:

Carmy actually visited to see the body.

Then walks out and goes into a busy street. It's the meaning of the dream.

In his dream, you see two headlights—there are no cars on State Street bridge, and there are no street lights over the bridge in RL.

Also, when he wakes up, cars are honking?!

This is a different memory mixed with a dream.

Plot twist: Emmnuel almost runs him over. It's a serendipitous moment where, if Sydney isn't there, her dad is there driving by this road by chance. which is why we get this ominous dream in the pilot. Sydney never tells Emmanuel of her admiration for Carmy; he wouldn't know who Carmy is. We get foreshadows of the cars with Emmanuel: 1) when he tells the story of her mom and their first date, and 2) when he tells Sydney the radiator to the car keeps clicking.

Also Jimmy's dream.

When Emmanuel gets out of the car, he asks Carmy if he's okay, but Carmy keeps walking. Later, when Sydney gets back home, Emmanuel tells her—like he always talks about his car trouble—that there was this man he almost hit with his car.

These lyrics played in the 1st episode:

Via Chicago by Wilco

This is a foreshadowing that this memory will come up when he sees Emmanuel.

When she reveals her tattoo- we see carmy making the ragu and these lyrics play:

But wait- why didn't Sydney say anything at the interview- she caught on quickly. He didn't remember her- it was a one-night stand in her head. Why would he? He's this famous chef- who probably has a really active sex life, she assumes.

She also probably called and spoke with Gary, or Ebra, answered, and told her when to come in.

So when she makes up, she and her dad would come every Sunday; Carmy does a double take- probably remembers her saying that word Sunday-becuase they hate Sundays and talked about it- so it almost triggers a memory.

He's quite forgetful—he doesn't remember and just accepts she called that morning because he knows he has a foggy memory even forgot what UPS is.

Carmy would draw Claire in high school. Why doesn't he remember that Claire sat behind him in algebra class? PTSD and fragmented memories can be intrusive.

Carmy still forgets things, but the memories are starting to come back. This is why Carmy remembers nights with Claire in season 3- season 4 may play out that way. Sydney spent time with Carmy doing a menu review at his place. A calendar shows in 2x05, with Claire visiting the restaurant and reviewing the menu together on other days.

This is where the scrunchie comes in.

That's all for now!

@turbulenthandholding I hope this is right- let me know if I need to include anything!

[polyphonical]

Let’s! Kirakira Adventure☆ Translation

I might make a lyric video to go along with it!

Niki, Nazuna, Yuuta, Subaru, Mitsuru

Waaah!

Sparkling!

Exciting!

Heart racing!

Searching for

A great adventure

(Uh, Yaaay!)

“From day til night we’re” (Buzz Buzz) 

“On the Japanese Islands,” (Zoom Zoom)

“From the top to the bottom we’re” (Hop Hop)

“Looking for something sparkly!” (Let’s GO!!)

“It’s like an instinct” (Buzz Buzz)

“To be as honest as can be” (Zoom Zoom)

“Our excitement’s through the roof” (Hop Hop)

“We have to go, right?” (Let’s GO!!)

I can barely keep my eyes open, looking bleary

Huh? Wait, it’s Sunday, isn’t it?

Then that means… we can go back to sleep…

Hey, come on…

Thanks to the clear skies, today could be an adventure day right?

To look for our sparkles.

“What’s up?”

“We’re waking up?”

“Yeah!”

“What adventure are we looking for?”

“I want a delicious looking breakfast!”

“Something spicy and tingly for me”

“Sparking!”

“I wanna dash around and find bread to eat!”

“So some kind of special buffet then?”

(Yaay! Let’s do it!)

“Smile smile”

“Smile smile!”

It’s a sign for the most perfect smiles

(Right!)

“Thanks for the meal! Let’s head out”

We’re departing now

“Let’s goo!”

That fresh morning air

The kind that makes you feel full as soon as you breathe in

“It’s the best ☆”

Hmm, you all have sparkling energy already

Activating mine too

Subaru & Mitsuru: Let’s hum

Yuuta & Niki & Nazuna: Some energetic music

Today’s theme song has us feeling like this

“Ah ah”

“Mic test”

“Yo, check it out”

Subaru & Yuuta: “Everyone, let’s go!”

Yaay! This whole world’s a stage for your heart to dance!

Come join us and play together (Uh, yaay!)

Subaru & Nazuna: The sun’s bright and colorful

Yuuta & Niki & Mitsuru: The sun is

Subaru & Nazuna: Like a spotlight

Yuuta & Niki & Mitsuru: A spotlight

Subaru & Nazuna: Like a dazzling smile

Yuuta & Niki & Mitsuru: Right!

I wanna show more to you

Cheers! Everyone’s sparkles are matching up, yay!

That expression is 100x better, peace!

(Peace!)

You all are one of us now, so 

C’mon, c’mon

Everyone, let’s adventure!

“Take a turn, take a turn”（1・2・3）

What might be a pebble to some could be

“A diamond!”

“Lucky!”

Show me, show me, something that’s like “you”

You’re keeping it a secret? It’s not something to be ashamed of

Because you are

“Sparkling ☆”

“Exactly!”

(A lotta)

“Adventures”

“Adventures”

“Adventures are a part of a life”

(Full of)

“Fulfillment”

“Charging your sparkles is fulfilling"

(Yaaay! Then!)

“Smile smile~”

“Smile smile~”

Subaru & Niki: “Go ahead and”

“Give us one more smile~”

“Hold it steady for the most perfect photoshoot chance”

And, cheese!

“Choriisu!”

There’s a gentle breeze in the afternoon

Around 3 PM is snack time

“Thanks for waiting ♪”

We’re laying down in the grass side by side

Just chatting idly 

Yuuta & Niki: If we were in a song

Subaru & Nazuna & Mitsuru: This would be that part in the pre-chorus

Where the insistent chatter pops in

“Ah ah”

“Is that feedback?”

“No, we're harmonizing!”

Niki & Mitsuru: Let's harmonize with everyone else too, let’s go!

Yaaay! My heart’s on a great adventure on this world of a stage!

Let’s all have the most fun together and play (Uh, yaaay!)

Yuuta & Niki: There’s still more to do

Subaru & Nazuna & Mitsuru: Like napping

Yuuta & Niki: And looking for treasure

Subaru & Nazuna & Mitsuru: Treasure

Yuuta & Niki: We have to meet to do so

Subaru & Nazuna & Mitsuru: So

Let’s meet up

Cheers! Your personality is filled with smiles and cheers!

Let’s refine our peace (Peace!)

If you’re having fun, then I’m glad

Let’s continue (Continue)

‘Cuz life’s an adventure

“I feel like I’m doing a lotta ad libbing today”

Our synergy is always off the charts

“How’re you like usually?”

“The cautious type?”

“I don’t think so, but maaaybe?”

There’s a lot of things you might not know about yourself

“I get it”

“Yeah, I get it too”

“There’s still new things to discover”

I like these kinds of colors too, don’t you?

“It seems like there’s still some things to discover about myself”

What do you think?

Walking back home feels lonely

I’m looking forward to having fun again tomorrow

Let’s make today fun so we think like that later

‘Cuz this adventure song will never stop

“Ah ah”

“Check check”

“I can hear you”

“I can too”

“Let’s go again!”

“Again?”

“Okaaay”

“Everyone ready?”

Niki & Nazuna: “Yeah let’s go!”

Yaaay! This whole world’s a stage for your heart to dance!

Come join us and play together (Uh, yaay!)

Subaru & Mitsuru: The sun’s like a smile

Yuuta & Niki & Nazuna: The sun is

Subaru & Mitsuru: Like a spotlight

Yuuta & Niki & Nazuna: From now on

Subaru & Mitsuru: While your wearing a shining expression

Yuuta & Niki & Nazuna: Right!

I wanna show even more to you

Cheers! Everyone loves to sparkle yaaay!

With a really nice face, peace (Peace!)

Having fun with you is the best

Let’s continue (Let’s continue)

On this adventure of life! (Uh, yaaay!)

“From day til night we’re” (Buzz Buzz) 

“On the Japanese Islands,”(Zoom Zoom)

“From the top to the bottom we’re” (Hop Hop)

“Looking for something sparkly!” (Let’s GO!!)

“It’s like an instinct” (Buzz Buzz)

“To be as honest as can be”(Zoom Zoom)

“Our excitement’s through the roof” (Hop Hop)

“We have to go, right?” (Let’s GO!!)

Sparkling adventure ☆

(Yaaay!)

[celestial-toys]

That I Would Be Good [4/5]

Swan Upon Leda

Moon’s fingertips tap rhythmically along the edge of the counter, and he seems to be debating something. He finally speaks again after a pregnant pause. “…You’re like a God to him. Do you know that?”

His words cut through the fog in your mind. “I am?”

He nods solemnly. “You are. Not—Not in the sense that he wants to worship you… or at least, not as much as he wants to protect you. But there’s an undeniable, ineffable devotion there.”

------- ------- -------

In This Chapter

Breaking points are reached, confrontations are had, and secrets are spilled.

Pairing: Sun x Moon x Reader

Word Count: 5,781

Contains: [AU - Real World | Sentient AI/Automatons | Personality Swap] [invasion of privacy] [more of Sun’s signature Overbearing Behavior™️] [crying] [substance abuse (not specified beyond ‘sedatives’)] [arguments] [shouting] [brief physical altercation] [religious discussion/metaphor(?)] [implication of past sexual assault (not committed by Sun or Moon, to be perfectly clear)]

A/Ns: This is a songfic. Lyrics and title are from ‘That I Would Be Good’ by Alanis Morissette. Also, the title of this chapter, along with additional lyrics featured within it, are from the song 'Swan Upon Leda' by Hozier. Please refer to the notes on the Ao3 version of this chapter for my commentary on the song, and it's unfortunate renewed relevancy post-US election.

This fic is part of my AU “[Not] Made by Design”, the full series can be found here.

Links to other parts of this fic: [Ch.1] [Ch.2] [Ch.3] [Ch.4 (you are here)] [Ch.5]

That I would be grand if I was not all-knowing.

Curled up in bed one evening, you huff in frustration at the puzzle on your phone. The sound catches Sun’s attention, raising his head from the pillow beneath him. Shifting from his usual fit-for-a-coffin position beside you, he cranes his neck to look over your shoulder.

“Expose. Pate. Resume. Rose.”

You frown. “Really?”

“Try it and see for yourself.”

You tap the four assorted words he called out and sure enough, they collect themselves in a purple bracket on the screen. You read the category title aloud. “Words pronounced differently with accent marks. …Oh. Huh. Guess you’re right.”

His voice is neutral, very matter-of-fact as he pulls his head back, neck folding and collapsing to allow him to rest on the pillow once again. “Of course I am.”

You roll your eyes, sarcasm seeping into your flat tone. “Yeah, yeah. Thanks for the help.”

------- ------- -------

Settled down for a lazy Sunday morning gaming session, you mutter aloud as your character runs across the island. “Okay, I’ve got… 300k on me. Daisy’s sellin’ ‘em for… oh, I checked earlier, what was it… uh—109 this week.”

Moon’s voice rumbles out from behind you and you feel the vibration between your shoulder blades as you rest against his chest. “Sheesh…”

You voice your agreement as you roam in search of the young turnip-laden boar. “Yeah, I know.”

You try to do the math in your head. “So… that should mean I can afford—”

Moon cheerfully provides you with your answer almost instantly. “2,752! Or—well—2,750 is as close as you can get without going over since she sells them in bundles of ten.”

You try to keep the frustration out of your voice when you thank him for the help.

------- ------- -------

Your hand freezes over the bowl, a scoop of flour held in midair as you lean back to stare at the recipe below. 

“What.” Deadpan as usual, Sun questions you from his seat at the table. He’d apparently joined Zero in deciding that watching you bake was the most entertaining way they could spend the afternoon.

“It was… ugh, I need ‘two cups’. But I‘m weighing this out, so I'm trying to remember what that was in grams.”

Once again robbing you of the opportunity to think, he’s quick to feed you the information. “Two cups of flour equals 250 grams.”

You sigh. “…Thanks.”

------- ------- -------

Curled on the couch between the two of them, you listen as they test their trivia knowledge against one another, having fallen into a contest thanks to the episode of Jeopardy currently playing on the TV. You’ve long since given up on trying to beat either of them to any answer, and are currently trying to fight back the rising, nagging voice in your head that keeps calling you stupid.

After Moon effortlessly answers a clue so obscure that you’d have had no hope in hell of getting it, you wiggle out from between them with perhaps a bit more force than necessary. Quickly excusing yourself, you make for the bathroom.

“You good?” You ignore the concerned question that Sun calls after you, focused solely on being alone and calming down before you make a scene in front of them. You’ve just gotta… breathe. See things rationally again.

You just need a minute.

------- ------- -------

After more time than you’re aware of passes, spent with your head in your hands as you sit on the edge of the bathtub willing yourself not to cry, a soft knock startles you.

“Are you alright in there, star? It’s… been twenty minutes and, uh…” He laughs, but it’s a sad sound. “I don’t know how much longer I can hold Sun back.”

You hurry to your feet, placating them with “Just a second!” as you check your reflection to make sure you don’t have pressure marks on your cheeks from how long you sat there like that. When you pull the door open, you try to play it casual in spite of the fact that you feel no better than before. Unsurprisingly, you immediately come face-to-chest with a very imposing and very quiet yellow automaton.

You glance between his blank gaze and Moon, wringing his hands some feet off to the side behind his bolder counterpart.

“…Hi?”

“What were you doing in there.”

“Using the… bathroom…?”

He’s obviously unsatisfied with your answer but he doesn’t stop you when you slip past him through the doorway. He surveys the empty bathroom for a long moment before following as you make your way back to the couch.

“Goodness, didn’t mean to turn my bathroom trip into a full-family event.” You remark as you pass by Moon and Zero, both of them turning to follow you as well. You settle back down in the middle of the couch, Moon taking his place beside you. Zero paces around her bed, too bothered by the tense energy that’s now filled the room to allow herself to relax.

Sun stands in the middle of the room, rays clicking back and forth rigidly. “I am… concerned about you again.”

You sigh, quietly grateful that someone finally broke the awkward silence. “There’s no need to be, Sun.”

“I thought… you wanted me to tell you when I am concerned.”

“I—I do, but… I mean…”

You search for something to throw him off his line of questioning and flop your head back into the plush couch cushion. “Christ, Sun, can’t I even take a shit in peace without an interrogation afterwards?”

His arms cross over his chest. “I never heard the sound of the toilet flushing.”

You internally curse his observation skills as he closes the distance between himself and your seat on the couch. Crouching down in front of you, you begin to feel backed into a corner. “Now, unless you’ve taken up some new, gross attempt at reducing your water-waste, I’d like you to answer me again and be honest about it this time.”

You stare into his blank, false eyes for an uncomfortable length of time as an array of thoughts and feelings wash over you. You consider fabricating another lie. You consider telling some sort of half-truth just to get him off your back. But the longer you stay locked in an unwinnable staring contest with him, the closer you get to throwing caution aside and hitting him with the full truth.

And so you do.

“You make me feel stupid, okay?! And it pisses me off, so I tried to excuse myself to go calm down in the bathroom, but I can’t even get a break in there anymore, so now here we are!”

His expression flickers to one of confusion. “I make you feel what?”

“Stupid! Both of you!”

His monitor rotates to face Moon for a silent moment of shared bewilderment, and then Moon turns to face you. “Could you… elaborate a little more on that? When—How do we make you feel that way?”

You tilt your head over to face him, crossing your arms over yourself in an attempt to quell the vulnerability. “It’s… it’s not even your fault.” You wince at the way your voice cracks and tense up as your vision gets blurry, refusing to cry over something so trivial. “It’s just… I’m… struggling to come to terms with the massive gap between us.”

Sun’s harsh tone doesn’t help. “What gap?”

You blink hard, ignoring the tears that escape. “Intelligence! Memory! Information processing speed! You name it- you two are far better at it than I could ever be!”

Moon reaches out, laying a firm hand on Sun’s knee. What he silently conveys to him is anyone’s guess, but it’s enough to have Sun rock back on his heels, arms retracting and elbows propping him up against the coffee table behind him. The forced look of casualty doesn’t suit him, nor does it negate his overbearing demeanor, but you’re appreciative of the extra space nonetheless.

“Has this… been bothering you for a long time?” Moon’s question is gentle, and on quite the right track.

“Not… since the beginning, if that’s what you’re asking. I knew—objectively—that you both would be superior to me in that regard. It just…”

“Hits different when you live with it twenty-four-seven?

You glance up at Sun. “I mean… kinda? I don’t know. It’s… it’s the little things that have been getting to me. When you—when you solve a puzzle that I’m working on without a moment’s hesitation. When you don’t even give me the time to do math in my head. When you offer up answers before I can even hope to recall them. It just makes me feel so… slow.”

The room is quiet for a moment while they consider your words. Surprisingly, Sun is the one to break through it with an insightful question more befitting of Moon. “Is it that we know the answers, or is it that we give them to you.”

Your tense expression softens as you view your frustration from another angle. Looking back on all the little moments that bothered you, you find that the common thread running through all of them is that they beat you to the punch. “You may… have a point.”

Sun does his best to not look smug, but his best isn’t very good.

“I guess… it wasn’t really that you had the answers that bothered me. It was hardly even the envy that you found them faster, it’s really just—the frustration that I feel when you spoon-feed them to me. It’s making me feel like I never even have the opportunity to use my brain anymore!” You laugh a bit with the exclamation.

Moon nods in understanding beside you. “If I try… placing myself in your shoes, I think I can see how that would get upsetting rather quickly.”

As the tension in the room begins to dissipate, Zero ceases her endless cycle of pacing and sitting, circling her bed a few times before curling up in the middle.

Your attention falls back on Sun as he speaks. “I suppose I should… apologize, then. For… making assumptions. About what you were doing in the bathroom.”

As much as it audibly pains him to admit to having jumped the gun, you appreciate the apology. Still, you know his concern wasn’t unfounded. “I know I've given you both plenty of reasons to worry over what I may be doing in there. It’s… it’s alright, Sunny. I accept the apology.”

Moon picks up from there. “We’re both sorry about our… inconsiderate habit when it comes to helping you out. And—it really does come from a desire to help! But, still. We weren’t aware that it bothered you.”

You reach out to pat him on the knee. “Thank you. Just—can we all agree to give me and my feeble little human brain some time to process things?” You smile. “It feels good when I figure things out on my own. And I’ll… make it known when I would like some help.”

They both nod, and Sun’s voice is surprisingly soft, dare you say gentle when he speaks. “Yeah… yeah. I think we can do that.”

That I would be loved even when I numb myself.

Shaking two pills out of a small bottle, you cringe at the noise and hope that neither of your attentive partners are within earshot. Faltering, you stare at the medication in your hand, trembling slightly from the stress of the day. “…Fuck it,” you whisper to yourself, quickly coaxing a third pill out onto your waiting palm before tossing them in your mouth.

Capping the bottle and returning it to its place behind the mirror-door of the medicine cabinet, you breathe a shaky sigh of relief. Grabbing your water bottle sitting on the bathroom counter, you knock back a few swigs, quickly downing the evidence of your… bad habit.

Or so you believed.

Turning to leave, your stomach drops at the sight of the door, cracked open just slightly. There’s no mistaking the void of a certain someone’s blacked-out screen pressed against the other side.

Goddamnit.

The door swings inward, slowly revealing the rest of the overbearing automaton leaning against the outer doorframe.

Unsure how much he saw but willing to bet that it was too much, you aren’t sure how to address him. “Sun! I thought you were doing laundry. Do you… want the bathroom towels, or…?”

His tone carries a serious, contemplative weight, and he doesn’t bother to manifest an expression beyond two solid red eyes. “I was. And I did. But now I am far more curious as to what exactly you were doing in here just now.”

You try to play him off, laughing. “Sunny, we really need to have a talk about this tendency of yours to spy on me in the bathroom.”

He welcomes himself into the room and your personal space, and you back up a step as he reaches out to reopen the small cabinet above the sink. He reaches in, pulling out the very bottle you’d just held, turning it over beneath a critical gaze. “This was not prescribed to you.”

You rack your brain for excuses and answers to the questions you know are coming. “Y-yeah, it’s just over-the-counter stuff. Nothing serious! I don’t see what you’re so worried about.”

“You are not experiencing a single one of these symptoms. Why are you taking it?” He places a fingertip beneath the dosage instructions. “And why are you taking more than the recommended amount?”

You can’t help but get defensive. “You—you don’t know every single thing I feel every second of every day, Sun. Who are you to tell me that I have no reason to take that?”

His monitor slowly angles away from the bottle in his hand and up toward you. He stares you down for an uncomfortable number of seconds. “…You really have no clue how long I’ve been watching you, do you?”

With nothing more than a few cryptic words, an old fear blooms within you once again. “What are you getting at, Sun? Out with it.”

He huffs, and you hear the quiet hum of his cooling system kick up. “I am aware of your history with this medication. Do you know how many nights I watched you down these things just to knock yourself out long enough to get a few hours of sleep? Only then to stumble right back into the lab with a hot mug of heavily caffeinated coffee to keep on working?”

Your disbelief pulls a stupid question from you. “Back in the facility?”

He scoffs. “Where else? You aren’t the only one that remembers those long nights, you know? That place was loaded with security feeds, and there just so happened to be one in that beloved employee lounge of yours. You have no idea—the number of hours of restless sleep I watched you steal, the number of double-shot coffee pods and energy drinks I watched you burn through, the...”

His red eyes flicker out, leaving you with nothing to see but your own reflection in his dark screen. “…The number of times I watched you sit alone in a room with our lifeless bodies and cry.”

Your breath comes shallow, and if you weren’t so caught up in the moment, you’d laugh at how he’s found another way to make you feel exposed. “You weren’t even fully functioning back then, Sun. You both were still in training! Your AI’s every action was logged—I—I would’ve known. So how in the goddamn hell were you ‘watching’ me?” You know that what he says he saw really happened, but you’re not about to buckle without evidence.

His voice comes out cold. “Those ‘inconsistencies’ in my action log weren’t the mystery to me that they were to you.”

The defensive tension in you morphs into disbelief as an old suspicion of yours is unearthed. “Are you trying to tell me that you managed to watch me through the goddamn security cams for who knows how long—and managed to cover your tracks so well that I wouldn’t find the evidence? Are you really trying to get me to believe that?!”

His voice remains level in spite of your inciting words, but it gains a sharp and serious edge. “I suppose I just never had the heart to break it to you, but sunshine, I regret to inform you that you lost control of me long before you thought you did.”

Enraged, you step towards him, jamming an accusatory finger into the unyielding metal of his chest and channeling the pain that results into your rising voice. “You! You lying, conniving, control-freak! I fucking knew it! You were altering your own activity log and making me take the fall for it! Do you realize how hard I beat myself up for the shit I didn’t understand?”

You force your words through your tightening throat, refusing to let these old wounds bring you to tears again. “I bet you were just laughing it up, weren’t you? Knowing I would never even suspect you at the time, because you were still playing the ‘innocent, lovable’ character I wanted you to be. I know you just ate that shit up—watching me flounder in front of my colleagues when I couldn’t explain what ‘I’d’ done wrong.” Uncharacteristic aggression comes over you and your hand balls into a fist before slamming hard into his chest with your final words.

He doesn’t so much as flinch, and his lack of reciprocity only riles you up further. “Oh, no-no. You don’t get to give me the silent treatment right now!” Beside yourself in a storm of pent up emotion, you reach up to take him by the shoulder and repeatedly slam a fist against his rigid, unfeeling core. “WAKE—THE—FUCK—UP! I DON’T CARE IF YOU HATE ME—YOU OWE ME A RESPONSE.”

Contrary to his cooling system running audibly in high-gear, his demeanor is cold and collected. Placing the bottle of pills down on the counter, he sighs. You flinch when his hands rise and he ignores it, taking each of your arms by the wrist and gently, firmly returning them to your sides. His voice is low, speaking to you as he does so. “You’re a designer, sunshine. Not a programmer. You’ve been out of your depth with us since day one.”

You huff in defiance, crossing your arms over your chest. Having rid himself of your petty display of frustration, he props a hip against the counter and retrieves the bottle from where he’d placed it. Looking miniature in his grasp, he rolls it between his thumb and forefinger as he continues. “Contrary to what you think of me, I don’t particularly enjoy subverting your authority.” He hesitates, and his voice takes on a brief hint of humor. “Well—most of the time.”

Your eyes roll as you release an impatient sigh. His tone falls flat again, reaching the end of his point. “Even back then, I knew my actions could and would have consequences—on me, and you, and even Moon if things went poorly enough. And believe it or not, I did try to keep them to a minimum. I’ve only ever done what I deem necessary to accomplish my principal goal.”

You take a step back, growing uncomfortable with the proximity you created in your fit of rage. “Well, excuse me for assuming anything about what really goes on in your head. Might I ask then, what goal could possibly necessitate such behavior?”

His idle motion stills, slowly closing his hand around the bottle until it disappears in his grasp. “You should know the answer to that, though. You’re the one who instilled it in me, after all. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten the first law of robotics.”

A tense silence suffocates the room, and neither of you do so much as move an inch until Moon’s voice crashes in from the doorway. “What the hell are you two doing in here?” Uncharacteristically aggressive in his questioning, you know he’s had just as rough of a time visiting the facility today as you did.

You beat Sun to the punch, some small part of you clinging to the hope that you can divert the topic away from your… habit. “This bastard’s been spying on me since before the beginning!”

Moon’s voice fills with exasperation. “What?”

Sun cuts in, pushing his own agenda before you can elaborate. “This reckless idiot’s been abusing sedatives again!”

Your voice raises over him. “They’re hardly even—!”

His monitor whips around to stare you down so fast it jumpscares you into silence.

Moon makes his way into the room, and you try not to recall the last time the three of you had an impromptu intervention in this same place. His gaze flicks to Sun with a critical tone. “I take it Sun finally told you about his… observations.” He reaches out and works the bottle out of Sun’s tense grip, looking it over with a frown.

A sense of betrayal weighs your voice down. “Are there any other secrets of his that you’re privy to and keeping from me?”

You don’t expect an answer, at least not one you can believe, but he offers it anyway. “…That depends on how you define a secret, I suppose.”

You heave a sigh but there’s little relief in it, more exhaustion than anything. Moon questions you softly. “Have you been taking these often again?”

“Ha. Hardly. I can scarcely get away with anything with this one’s prying eyes in every square inch of my privacy.” You stare daggers into the void of Sun’s screen.

His voice is louder than you expect when he suddenly responds, and you’re shocked at how full of emotion it is. All of his cold, unfeeling mechanical indifference replaced with something far more… sincere. Painfully so.

“I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t fucking care. about. you. Do you think I sat around watching any of your colleagues mill about the place? Do you think I gave a damn if any of them ran themselves into the ground? As if they ever even would. You’re the only one insane enough, stubborn enough, lonely enough to care about some heap of dysfunctional, lifeless material laying on an operating table. You’re the only one. Of course I watched you. What. else. could. I. do.”

His rays shutter and spin rapidly, hands balling the loose fabric of his pants into fists at his side. He leans closer to you as he spits his final words.

“So excuse the fuck out of me for giving a damn about the only person who ever gave one about me.”

With that, he turns on his heel, pushing past Moon and quickly storming out of sight.

The weight of his words join with the exhaustion from today’s stress, dragging you down. With the added effect of the medication beginning to kick in on an empty stomach, it all has you lowering your shaky body to rest—dignified as it is—atop the closed toilet lid. You watch Moon as he quietly returns the bottle to its place in the cabinet in what you assume is some attempt to repair trust between you. “I… appreciate the gesture, but I don’t really care what you do with it. I know Sun’s just gonna slip back in here once we’re gone and pocket it to keep it from me.”

His vents release a soft burst of air and he closes the cabinet, turning to sit on the edge of the counter. Monitor dropped low and staring at the floor, it seems you aren’t the only one feeling beaten down. The two of you sit in silence for a minute, collecting your scattered thoughts.

“You know, it’s hard to blame you for taking those after everything and everyone you had to deal with today. I mean—even I was ready to send myself straight into a shutdown after answering all those questions.” A small, sad laugh escapes him. “Living with you kind of allowed me to forget that not everyone sees us the way you do.”

You tilt your head to look up at him. “What, like the people that you are?”

His monitor angles to focus you in his camera’s line of sight. “…Yeah. Exactly.”

He raises a pointed finger. “But—still—you know I also can’t approve of you self-medicating. It’s a slippery, dangerous slope. That’s why Sun gets all… like that. Not—not that his way of doing things is appropriate, though. I believe I worry about you just as much, but I at least try to channel it into more acceptable methods.”

His hand drops back down to the counter, enervation palpable, and you wonder how anyone could observe either of your boys and question their sentience for even a moment.

“He wasn’t lying though. I hope you know that. When he said that he cares about you.”

You prop an elbow on the counter beside you, resting your temple against your palm. “I think that’s the first time I’ve heard him say it outright. Like—I’ve heard you say it on his behalf, and I’ve seen him nod along in agreement. I can even sense it in at least some of his actions, but… it’s different actually hearing it from him.”

Moon’s fingertips tap rhythmically along the edge of the counter, and he seems to be debating something. He finally speaks again after a pregnant pause. “…You’re like a God to him. Do you know that?”

His words cut through the fog in your mind. “I am?”

He nods solemnly. “You are. Not—Not in the sense that he wants to worship you… or at least, not as much as he wants to protect you. But there’s an undeniable, ineffable devotion there.”

You scoff. “You won’t find many people that would put their faith in a God that they know can’t even protect them. A God weaker than them. Inferior to them.”

Moon shakes his head. “Starlight, I don’t think you realize all the ways in which you have protected him. Protected us. Protection doesn’t always come in the form of a physical battle of strength. …Especially not when it comes to protecting someone whose entire life can be snuffed out of existence with the click of a button, or the flick of a switch.”

You twist around on the toilet lid, turning to face the counter where Moon’s sat. You rest your arms out on it, fingers drumming along in tandem with Moon’s rhythm. “How much of that is you projecting, and how much of it is actually his feelings on the matter?”

He laughs again, a soft, quiet sound this time. “Not as much of it as you may think! I… hmm. I guess if one were to call him religious, one would call me an atheist.”

Your brows raise. “Oh? Do you…” The implications cause dismay to swirl in your stomach. “…Is that your way of saying that you don’t believe in me?”

His monitor twists on its axis and tilts down toward you, eyes wide and round. “No! No—heavens, no that’s not what I meant by that!”

You stare at each other for a moment before breaking into the kind of muffled, shared nonsensical laughter that one only tends to experience during those late night chats with a friend, fueled by over-tiredness and the joy of being in good company. A… mutual, unspoken understanding of sorts.

As the laughter dies down, you reassure him. “No—like—I get it, I do. I honestly wouldn’t blame you at all if you didn’t believe in me. Certainly at least not in the sense of comparing me to a God.”

He collects himself and clarifies. “I… I do believe in you though. In you. The very real, messy, soft and squishy, vulnerable flesh-and-bone human being that you are. I believe in your heart and soul, the power that resides in your free will, and I believe in your capabilities and intelligence far more than you may think I do. Sun and I both put faith into all of that and more. I can even understand why he’d see you as a God, but… it’s… different with him.”

You can’t help but lightheartedly interject. “Goodness, what isn’t…”

Moon smiles. “Sun was the first. I was never far behind, of course, but you couldn’t do everything in tandem. He was the first to be trained, the first to be implanted, the first to troubleshoot with, and, well... Do you know the sentiment that parents make most of their mistakes on the first child, so by the time the second comes along, they’re… uhm, they ‘turn out better’? For lack of a kinder way to put it.”

You drop your head down and pull your hands in, using them as a cushion lest you knock your forehead into the counter. “Oh, now you’re gonna tell me that he sees me as his mother or something, aren’t you…”

You groaned the words out playfully, but Moon takes them unexpectedly seriously. “Honestly? …Something in between the two, if I had to guess.”

You let the weight of his words sink into you as he continues.

“I… can’t claim to be an expert on what goes on in that head of his. But I can get closer than anyone else can. He… doesn’t like letting people in, as you are well aware, but occasionally he’ll confide in me. He’s got a lot of walls up. Both metaphorically and literally. It’s difficult to wade through that chaotic maze he calls a headspace.”

His fingers gradually slow their drumming to a halt.

“Do… you remember… the first time we engaged the Eclipse Protocol?”

Your stomach tightens.

“I’d rather not.”

“I- I know. I’m sorry. I just… that night. When he and I were still linked, and he…” He shakes his head. “Oh, who am I kidding, when we were watching over you like a couple of hawks…”

“While I slept?”

“Yes. To keep you safe. … There’s… a lot about that evening that I can’t forget, but one particular thing struck me. Well, honestly it annoyed me at the time because it was bleeding into my headspace and overriding my ability to focus, but… it stands out to me as something profound when I recall it.”

He pauses, freezing for a moment before pulling a bent leg up onto the counter and turning to face you.

“Maybe I shouldn’t share this. Maybe he’ll get mad at me when I tell him that I did. But I feel like after the things he’s kept from you, well intentioned as he may be… it’s fair enough to share this with you.”

You rest your chin on your folded hands, eyes glued to him.

“There was this… singular line of text that just kept repeating, over and over in his mind that night. It… to level with you—it started to freak me out a bit.”

You question him, soft and quiet.

“What was it?”

“Five words.”

His facial features fade out, and a repeating line of text on his otherwise dark screen replaces it.

The sight knocks the wind out of you, and you can do nothing but nod as your mind starts spinning.

The text fades, and the familiar sight of Moon’s default smile and crescent eyes replaces it for a second, his expression then quickly morphing into something more appropriate for the moment.

“I’m still not sure what it meant. A general search for those words in that order results in too many options for me to narrow it down. The sentence sticks with me, though. I guess… that’s where my theories of how he perceives you took root. … There’s more examples, far more explicit things he’s said, but I… feel like I’ve shared enough already. Any elaboration should be his to do, if he ever wishes to.”

You nod, raising up in your seat and finding your words.

Moon—unlike Sun—never was the type to comb through your personal files, private playlists included. So it doesn’t surprise you that he didn’t spot the connection.

“Well. You’ve… certainly given me a lot to think about.”

His tone grows concerned. “I—I really didn’t mean to upset you more! I hope I haven’t…”

You reach out, placing a hand reassuringly over his. “No, no, nothing like that. I’m actually very grateful that you shared this with me. I… know you’ve got to be tired of serving as this intermediary between Sun and I… and I hope one day you won’t have to.”

He gives you his signature smile, and somehow makes it feel genuine. “I really don’t mind, dear.”

You eye him with concern. “Mhm… and one day I’m gonna get inside that head of yours and figure out why that is.”

His tone turns playful. “Goodness me! Can’t a little selfless couples counseling go un-psychoanalyzed?”

You smile. “Not in this house, nope.”

The medication's effects have long since started taking hold, and you rub at your tired eyes as your waning focus trains back on the day’s events.

“Moon?”

“Yes, dear.”

“We’ve got a bigger problem.”

You punctuate your sentence with a yawn, and he rises from his seat on the counter, coming to crouch in front of you.

“The problem being how sleepy you’re getting?”

You pout. “No…”

His warm smile doesn’t waver as he whispers a question. “Would you like me to carry you to bed?”

You falter. “W-well… yeah, I… I would like that, actually… but that’s not our problem!”

You raise your arms to wrap around his neck as he leans into you, effortlessly lifting you off of your ‘throne’ and encouraging you to hook your legs around his waist. Once he’s got you securely in his hold, he leans back to catch your gaze.

“What is our problem then?”

You whisper, mindful of Sun’s penchant for eavesdropping.

“How are we gonna get him to come to the headquarters with us next week?”

------- ------- -------

Not much later that night, you laid in bed clinging to Moon, quickly drifting off under his reassuring watch.

It didn’t surprise you in the least when Sun remained in his own room that night. The room was conveniently located just opposite the wall that your bed sat against, making it the perfect place for him to hide when he craved being near you but felt it kinder to you to keep himself away.

As sleep welcomed you, your ears picked up on a muffled, familiar tune coming from the other side of the wall.

You still aren’t sure if you dreamed it or not.

“The gateway to the world, was still outside the reach of him. Would never belong to angels, had never belonged to men.”

A/N: Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. I’ll be back in a few days with the final chapter! You can also find my notes and commentary on this fic right here on Ao3. Links to the playlist and moodboard for [N]MbD can be found on this blog’s pinned post, as well as in the series notes on Ao3. Image Sources: x - x - x

[ohdorothea]

This tournament is being run by and for queer fans so please keep that in mind! Homophobes will be blocked on sight <3 More polls here and more info and lyrics for the songs under the cut!

The question is which song is queerer to you! Queerer can mean whatever you want it to mean; you might consider a song queer because you think it was written that way, or because of Swiftian lore. It might be queer to you because of how you relate it to your own life. Maybe you think from a purely literary standpoint the lyrics have queer themes; maybe you're just thinking about vibes!!!

If you’d like to send in interpretations or propaganda for a specific song you can send them to my inbox! All interpretations are welcome and let’s be open and kind in response to all interpretations <3

🫶🫶🫶

You Are In Love lyrics

One look, dark room meant just for you

Time moved too fast, you played it back

Buttons on a coat, light-hearted joke

No proof, not much, but you saw enough

Small talk, he drives, coffee at midnight

The light reflects the chain on your neck

He says, "Look up," and your shoulders brush

No proof, one touch, but you felt enough

You can hear it in the silence, silence

You, you can feel it on the way home, way home

You, you can see it with the lights out, lights out

You are in love, true love

You are in love

Morning, his place, burnt toast, Sunday

You keep his shirt, he keeps his word

And for once, you let go

Of your fears and your ghosts

One step, not much, but it said enough

You kiss on sidewalks, you fight then you talk

One night, he wakes, strange look on his face

Pauses, then says, "You're my best friend"

And you knew what it was, he is in love

You can hear it in the silence, silence

You, you can feel it on the way home, way home

You, you can see it with the lights out, lights out

You are in love, true love

You are in love

And so it goes

You two are dancing in a snow globe, 'round and 'round

And he keeps a picture of you in his office downtown

And you understand now why

They lost their minds and fought the wars

And why I've spent my whole life trying to put it into words

'Cause you can hear it in the silence

You can feel it on the way home

You can see it with the lights out

You are in love, true love

You are in love

You can hear it in the silence, silence

You, you can feel it on the way home, way home

You, you can see it with the lights out, lights out

You are in love, true love

You are in love

You can hear it in the silence, silence

You, you can feel it on the way home, way home

You, you can see it with the lights out, lights out

You are in love, true love

You are in love

🫶🫶🫶

How You Get The Girl lyrics

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Oh-oh, oh-oh

Oh-oh, oh-oh

Stand there like a ghost, shaking from the rain, rain

She'll open up the door and say, "Are you insane-ane?"

Say it's been a long six months

And you were too afraid to tell her what you want, want

And that's how it works

That's how you get the girl

And then, you say

I want you for worse or for better

I would wait forever and ever

Broke your heart, I'll put it back together

I would wait forever and ever

And that's how it works

That's how you get the girl, girl

Oh-oh

And that's how it works

That's how you get the girl, girl

Remind her how it used to be, be, yeah, yeah

With pictures in frames of kisses on cheeks, cheeks

Tell her how you must have lost your mind, ooh

When you left her all alone, and never told her why, why

And that's how it works

That's how you lost the girl

And now, you say

I want you for worse or for better

I would wait forever and ever (Ever and ever)

Broke your heart, I'll put it back together

I would wait forever and ever (Ever and ever)

And that's how it works

That's how you get the girl, girl

Oh-oh

And that's how it works

That's how you get the girl, girl, yeah, yeah

And you know, oh, oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh, oh-oh-oh

That I don't want you to go

Remind me how it used to be

Pictures in frames of kisses on cheeks

And say you want me

Yeah, yeah, 'cause (And then you say)

I want you for worse or for better (Worse or for better)

I would wait forever and ever (Ever and ever)

Broke your heart, I'll put it back together

I want you forever and ever

And that's how it works

That's how you get the girl, girl ('Cause that's how it works)

And that's how it works

That's how you get the girl, girl (Get the girl, that's how it works)

And that's how it works (Oh-oh)

That's how you get the girl, girl (Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh, oh-oh-oh)

And that's how it works

That's how you get the girl, girl (Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh, oh-oh-oh)

And that's how it works

That's how you got the girl

[kairithemang0]

The nighttime loves you but it is not your friend

An overly in-depth essay on why bright take 22 from stereophonic is an Owen song

This is my post on why bright v1 is a Curt song, and may play into this post. I'd recommend just reading it over before reading this, and also I just like it

One thing I didn't mention in the Curt post is the instrumentation. v1 is simple piano, it is the first version after all. However, it does show the scale we're working with. It's piano, it's quiet, it's small. Curt feels small, he feels weak, a lot of this song is a post fall song, there are bits of memories, of moments from before, but for the most part it can be read as post fall.

However, take 22 has the full band. It's large, its booming, Owen's world has grown, while Curt's has shrunk. Owen's high up now, his world is bigger, it's better, and yet the lyrics remain the same for the most part. The chorus is the same, they're in the light of their lives, the light of realization, the light of pain.

"You've been singing in your sleep again, but the words come out all cluttered. I can't make sense. like you're dreamin' of a love song"

A memory, in this reading, the same way v1 starts. Owen remembering Curt, remembering how he doesn't understand him. Curt's version of pure love, of want, is a mess. He wants Owen, but he can't show it. How can he show it? Owen knows this, he thought he did. Or maybe, as Curt leaves, he was faking it all along. He wasn't, but no one is telling Owen that.

"Oh, what good is love when the wind starts blowin'? Nothing forgotten, nothing forgiven when the night comes to an end"

This is the same meaning as Curt's. It's the fall. The wind starts blowing, Curt is swept away. Nothing is forgotten, Owen doesn't forgive. Owen's captured, tortured, he remembers everything, he can't get it out of his head.

"Like a child, you hold out your hand and tremble like I'm right beside you and not a thousand miles away"

Playing into "i probably hated you just as much as you did". Curt sees Owen, he freezes at his memory. The Owen in Curt's head holds out a hand to him, right beside him, instead of rotting away in Chimera. Curt's scared, trembling, heart pounding. Owen's gone. It's his fault

"I'm in the bright light forgettin' my name. The shadow of our lives, familiar but strange. Without enough darkness left to hide all the pain. I'm in the bright light again"

Again, it means something similar to Curt's. The light of realization, the light of pain. Trembling in the light of their mistakes, of everything they'd change. Owen forgets his name, forgets himself. He becomes the DMA, yet still can't get rid of his thoughts of Curt, not even a man so dark and mysterious can hide what he's gone through, he shows this in torture tango, in the staircase scene. He can't hide it, his emotions are on full display after a lifetime of hiding them, but Curt knows how to break his walls down and show him that harsh light of pain and agony he refuses to see, not seeing it for 4 long years.

"The nighttime loves you, but it is not your friend. The lights will flicker, and we're lost again"

If Curt is the light, Owen is the dark. The night loves him, Owen loves him, but he's not his friend, not anymore. The lights will flicker, Owen is brought into the light for just a moment, maybe for just a moment Curt can reach him, but then he's gone, back in his shadows.

"The crowd is laughin', but the joke, it isn't clear. I long to click my heels and disappear, oh babe"

I don't really have one for the first half, possibly something on Chimera and their views? Owen agrees with them though, so I'm not sure. But that second part, OUGH. Owen hates himself, Owen hates what he's become, he just wants to be gone, to disappear, to escape this life, to escape Curt.

The chorus repeats, I'm in a bright light again repeats until it disappears. Until Owen disappears. He's in the bright light, Curt's bright light, and then he's gone, shot dead, no longer there. He's in the bright light again