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theasstour · 4 years

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𝐅𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 𝟏𝟎.𝟏𝐤 𝐍𝐁: 𝐚𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐨𝐥, 𝐚𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭

Monday, 25 September 2017

It was strange to Y/N that she was enjoying herself as much as she was just then in an educational setting. In school, she had never really liked any of the subjects besides English, and here at uni, she got to sit and listen to professors who were truly experts on English literature ramble on about Othello and specific analysis on act 3 scene 3. She loved every single second of it, and was sure she could sit there for hours on end just listening to her professors. At one point she was sure this would all get tiring and she’d hate University, but in that moment, hearing her professor, Richard, talk about things that truly interested her, was such a breath of fresh air compared to what she had experienced previously.

The door to the lecture hall opened, and since the doors were right by the blackboard where Richard stood talking about Othello and the ‘temptation’ scene, all eyes landed on the blonde girl in pink shorts and a white jumper. She smiled at Richard, mouthing a “sorry” before taking the first free seat she could find, which was conveniently right beside Y/N. The two girls shared a small smile themselves before Y/N went back to focusing on the lecture happening in front of her. Y/N was hunched over her notebook, writing something off from the PowerPoint slide displayed on the wall in front of her. She did not know how much time went by, she was listening too intently to care about that, but suddenly, the blonde beside her rested her back against the seat and leaned a little closer to Y/N.

“This is quite boring, innit?”

Y/N looked to her left, and to her surprise, realised that the girl who had walked in late was Chloe. The same Chloe who she had met when she registered a week and some ago. She must have been too caught up in the lecture to pay proper attention to her surroundings.

Chloe let out a small chuckle, nodding in the direction of the PowerPoint before she continued to whisper. “The lecture. I knew we’d be discussing Shakespeare in Introduction to English Studies, but Othello’s just fucking boring, innit?”

“I…” Y/N looked at the PowerPoint for a few seconds, then back at Chloe. “Sure.”

They were quiet for a few seconds, Chloe just studying Y/N, eyes searching her face. “You like Othello.”

Y/N felt a sudden urge to relate to Chloe. Since they had met earlier and since she hadn’t made tons of friends on her course yet, she wanted Chloe to be her mate. If they got off on the wrong foot today, they might never sit next to each other again.

“It’s not as good as Twelfth Night, not as bad as Julius Caesar.”

Chloe continued to just look at Y/N, but suddenly, a smile came creeping over her lips. “Take it you like Shakespeare.”

“I like analysing his work, yeah.”

“More of a Modernism, and sometimes Postmodernism, girl myself.”

“I’m not big on either of those.”

Chloe let out a small chuckle again. “You won’t be taking Postmodernism next year then?”

“Not if I can help it.”

Chloe only crossed her arms and stared ahead, still smiling. For a second Y/N was afraid she might have said something to make Chloe detest her, but the next, she reminded herself that she had to live her truth regardless of what anyone said about it. “Guess we’ll just have to enjoy each other’s company in the core modules then.”

Y/N felt a few butterflies in her stomach at that and could not help smiling back at Chloe when their eyes met again.

“How come I haven’t seen you at any Freshers parties yet?” Chloe asked.

“Been busy applying to jobs and such,” Y/N explained. “Gotta get one as fast as possible ‘cause I need money to live.”

“Ahh, fair.” Chloe nodded. “One of my course mates, Hayden – think they’re up there somewhere –“ Chloe pointed with her thumb over her shoulder, indicating further up the lecture hall. “Has decided they’re going to start an Uno society.”

“Uno?” Y/N frowned. “As in the card game?”

“Yeah,” Chloe laughed. “I’m sure it’ll be nice and all, but they’re very passionate about it. Have yet to come out with me, Thian, and Annalise. Those are my other course mates, by the way.”

Y/N nodded. Was she just incompetent at making friends or was Chloe just very good at it? How had she made so many friends, made a small group by the sounds of it, and Y/N had barely talked to anyone on her course yet?

“Hayden promised to come out this Friday, though,” Chloe smiled. “You should come, too.”

For some reason, both nerves and excitement rushed through Y/N at that. She smiled back. “I’d love that.”

“Wicked. It’s at my Dinwiddy flat.” Chloe rolled her eyes. “Uni accommodation at Helmond is a huge piss take, I tell you. I feel like there’s mould everywhere.”

“That’s just UK houses in general. We’ll all die from it one day.”

“It’s literally disgusting,” Chloe said. “Also, one of my flatmates never does his dishes. It’s minging. And it’s started smelling, too.”

“Oh, my days.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m glad I just immediately moved in with my best mate instead of going through the whole uni accommodation thing. At least I can be assured that they do their dishes and no food’s left on the kitchen counter for too long.”

“Oh, that sounds lush.”

The people around Y/N and Chloe were all starting to pack their things and get out of their seats. Seeing as the two of them were sat by the edge of the row, they had to get up rather fast and let people through. So, that’s what they did. Y/N put her notebook and pencil case in her rucksack and slung it onto her back before she and Chloe made their way out of the lecture hall and out into the hallway beyond.

“There they are,” Chloe grinned, waving as she saw a small group of three standing by the wall a bit further down. “Come say hi.” Though Chloe wasn’t looking at her, Y/N assumed she was talking to her, so she followed her over to the rest. “Gang, this is Y/N, the one I met while we were both registering.”

“Ah, you’ll be Y/N, then,” a man with protruding cheekbones, a strong jawline, and deep set, brown eyes said. The Viet man’s smile lit up the room they were standing in, and it made Y/N’s overthinking ebb. “I’m Thian, pleasure to meet you. Chloe told us she met you, but never saw you since.”

“Proper rude of the universe to keep us away from each other for so long,” Chloe said.

“I’m Hayden,” a smaller person said with the greenest eyes and long brown hair. They too had a smile like Thian’s, but this one displayed crooked teeth, which made Y/N more at ease with her own bottom teeth that were the same.

“And I’m Annalise,” the last one said, her hair dyed an unnatural dark red colour that Y/N absolutely loved. “I think I saw you in a Critical Reading seminar.”

“Oh, yeah, I think we might be.”

“We’ll have to sit next to each other next time!”

Y/N could detect a slight accent, but she could not tell where Annalise was originally from. She suspected Germany, there were tons of international students here after all, but Y/N did not want to assume.

“Guys, we have to plan the first Uno society meeting,” Hayden said, looking at the time on their phone. “It was so nice to meet you, Y/N, but we’re in a bit of a hurry.”

She just smiled. “No, totes get that. I need to get back to my flat, anyway.”

“See you around, then,” Chloe smiled, waving as the four of them walked off.

Y/N walked home to Orsman Road. Though she knew there would be less walking if they took the tube, it would also mean that she had to walk on and off boiling hot tube trains and stations, and she was not about to do that. She was sweating enough in the late September sun as it was, she did not need the tube to contribute to her sweat moustache as well. Instead, she plugged her earbuds in and listened to her most recent playlist on Spotify, humming along to her favourite tunes as she walked.

She stopped by Gregg’s by Dalston Kingsland station, buying herself a sausage roll and an iced latte before walking the rest of the stretch home. Hackney bustled around her, with tons of cars, double deckers, and mopeds driving by, as well as all types of people milling to and from work. The early autumn sun was still a little too hot, but it seemed like most Londoners were soaking up the sun while they could. They were walking by in shorts, tee shirts, and summer dresses, while the only reason why Y/N was dressed in her tee shirt and trousers, was so she would not quite literally go up in flames on the way home.

Y/N arrived at Orsman Road not long after her trip to Gregg’s, and walked up to the flat. She locked the door once she was indoors, checking the kitchen and the living room to see if anyone was there. To no one’s surprise, none of her three other student flatmates were home in the middle of the day on a Monday. She walked up the stairs and to her room, letting her door be open so she could air out a bit more. Her windows had been open all day, so her room smelled fresher than normal as she entered. That just reminded her that she had to buy some scented candles or air fresheners to liven up her room.

Putting her rucksack down by her door, Y/N started looking through the two bags that she had yet to pack out from. In one was most of the stuff she’d put on her desk when she finally bought that, and in the other were loads of decorations that she had yet to bring forth. She started pulling out fairylights that she wanted to hang across her room or over her wall, when she heard footsteps. Out of the door directly to the right once you came up the stairs, came a man with short dark hair and a strong build, thin lips and pale skin. He must have heard movements outside his door, because his eyes landed on Y/N almost right away. However, he smiled at her and Y/N immediately knew who this was.

“You’re Y/N, then,” Mason said, walking over to stand in the doorway of her room. “Mason, your third flatmate.”

“Thought I’d never run into you,” Y/N smiled, making his smile grow.

“Yeah, got here like two days ago, and have been all over the place since. Helped some of my mates move into their flats, been at work, and at rugby practice.”

She nodded. “Busy man.”

“Very busy.”

“Lucky I caught you now, then.”

Mason nodded his head. “Would have eventually. Knowing Nath, he’ll probably end up forcing us all to bond as a flat at one point.”

“Sounds horrific.”

“It was. It will be,” Mason laughed, leaning against the doorframe and pushing his hands into his grey joggers.

Y/N furrowed her brows. “It was? He’s done it before?”

“Yeah, our first year. He made everyone in our flat bond, he especially talked about flat yoga sessions and shopping trips when he was drunk or high as a kite.”

She dropped the fairylights and turned her full attention on Mason. “You lived together your first year?”

Mason just looked at Y/N, blinking a few times. “Yeah.”

“All three of you?”

“All three of us. Me, Nathan, Harry, and like five girls.”

Y/N felt like screaming, but lucky for her dignity and Mason’s ears, the front door opened and closed. Nathan’s singing could be heard all the way upstairs. Instead of screaming, Y/N called Nathan’s name, not caring that Mason saw just how annoyed she was now. Poor bloke had no idea what he’d just said. Nathan strolled up the stairs and looked in Y/N’s room’s direction, his face lit up at the sight of Mason and Y/N together.

“What a view!” he grinned. “What’re you two bonding over?”

“Right now we’re bonding over being your friend,” Y/N said.

“Which I’m sure you’re both honoured to be, yes.”

“And I just heard you’ve lived with Mason and Harry for the last year, but have not told me,” Y/N said, ignoring Nathan’s previous comment.

Nathan looked to Mason, and then back at Y/N. “No, Harry moved in later. He lived in another flat first, hated it, and since him and Mason were good mates, he got to move into our place since one of our flatmates dropped out our first week.”

Not caring that she would smudge her makeup, Y/N ran her hands over her face. “How long did he live there, Nate?”

Silence for a second or two. “Start of second semester till we moved out.”

Y/N let go of a heavy sigh. “Nathan, why didn’t you just tell me?-“

“-I know, I know, I know,” Nathan started, walking into Y/N’s room and sitting down on the floor beside her. “I’m a shite friend.”

“You really fucking are,” Y/N said, swatting Nathan’s hand away when he tried to take hers. “Harry was both of our friend when he lived in Notts those months, and I literally had sex with him.”

Mason took a small step back in pure shock, blinking rapidly as if an eyelash fell onto his eye.

“Don’t I have a right to know you’re living with him?” Y/N asked.

“You do. Of course, you do. I just… I thought I told you at one point, and when I got home and I found out I hadn’t told you… I didn’t know how to break the news.”

“How about just telling me?” Y/N shrugged her shoulders. “Instead of hiding it from me like that.”

“Technically, I didn’t hide anything ‘cause I thought I-“

“-Nathan, I’ll literally skin you alive-“

“-Fine, I should have told you,” he groaned, taking her hand this time and holding it tight in his. “How can I make it up to you?”

Y/N thought for a moment, but came up with the perfect solution. “By coming with me when I go out with my course mates on Friday?”

Nathan just looked at her, blinking once. “My punishment is to… go out with you and your mates?”

“Yes. I barely know them, I need moral support. No matter how bad the person giving me said support actually is.”

Nathan looked down at their hands, patting hers slightly. “I’ll come.”

“Thanks.”

He continued to look down at their hands as Mason’s quiet footsteps back to his room sounded throughout the first floor. “I do have a lecture that finishes at 7pm-“

“-You’ll skip that lecture if you so have to.-”

“-Yes, ma’am,” Nathan answered without hesitation, kissing her hand and getting up from the floor. He gave her a small smile. “And I’m sorry. I know I should’ve told you.”

Y/N nodded. “Is there… Is there more you haven’t told me? In regards to Harry?”

Nathan pretended to think for a few seconds, eyes getting big as if he remembered something.

“Nath?”

He chuckled. “No, nothing.”

Y/N hit him on his calf before he walked away. “You’re bloody buying the first round of drinks on Friday.”

“As I should,” was all Nathan said before he danced off to his room. Y/N picked up her fairylights again, trying to get them out of the messy tangle they were currently in so she could finally make this room look like her and her new home.

Friday, 29 September 2017

Y/N was nervous. She was usually nervous before going someplace she had never been before, or to meet people she had never met, but it was never like this. Her nerves were almost always drowned by her natural eagerness to be around people, to be surrounded by friends and strangers. However, this, her first pre-drinks at uni with other people, had her feeling a little too nervous for her own tastes.

She loved parties. Fuck, if she could party every single day, she would. She did not care about the hangover that came the following day, as long as she had a good time the night before. At home in Nottingham, she would have loved to party as much as she had in London, but for some reason, meeting as many new people as she had, made her nervous for some reason. It was weird to Y/N because she loved making friends, but it was different here. She had yet to figure out what about University that triggered this reaction out of her.

A knock sounded at her door and she grunted, which Nathan took as a good enough sign for him to be allowed entrance. He grinned, sitting down on Y/N’s fluffy dark blue duvet cover and looked his best friend up and down.

“Lush,” he said.

Y/N glanced at the mirror in front of her again, running her hands down her sides. Her black ruched detail ribbed crop top fit her perfectly, making her tits look exceptionally good, and the gold necklace and earrings topped it all off. The crop jeans in light wash blue were tightened at the waist by a black belt with silver eyelets, the black lace up boots made her almost as tall as Nathan. Though Y/N had been out on town in Nottingham with this very same outfit, she was unsure about it now. There was a familiar fear in the back of her head; one that had not visited in a while, one that would lay low until it saw fit to paralyse her. Y/N was experiencing only the tip of the iceberg now. The rest would reveal itself later, it would all melt and drown her in nervous ticks and anxious tendencies.

God, she hated how nervous she was. This was not like her at all. Nathan knew this, which was why he picked up on how unusually quiet his best friend was. He got up from where he was seated on the bed, walking over to Y/N and placing his hands on her shoulders.

“What’s up?”

She took a deep breath, looking at him in the mirror. “You remember the party at Jack Lloyd’s?”

“When we were 17?”

“Yeah, and I was nervous to wear that tight-fitting dress? ‘Cause of my stomach?”

“Yes, even though you had no reason to be nervous.”

She sighed. “Well, I’m feeling like that now,” she admitted. “Not as intensely, but it’s there and… I haven’t felt this nervous about being seen in a long time.”

“What do you mean ‘being seen’?”

“When… When you’ve had and still have a hard time accepting yourself, it’s hard to let others look at your body ‘cause you don’t want to exist outside your own head, if that makes sense? Being seen means people will have an opinion, it means they’ll piece together this image of you before even getting to know you. It means them judging you on your looks alone before they get to actually know you.” Y/N shrugged her shoulders a little, Nathan squeezing them ever so slightly. “My confidence is much better now, but I still have those moments every so often when that 17-year-old girl I used to be will come back and whisper something discouraging into my ear.”

Nathan nodded, wrapping his arms around her neck and bringing her to him. She melted into her best friend, taking a grip of his forearms. “I know it’s much easier said than done, but focus on now. You’ve come so far, and though that 17-year-old is part of the reason why you are who you are today, she’s got nothing to do here. 19-year-old Y/N has come so far, she has no time revisiting the past ‘cause she’s going to a party tonight, and it’ll be fucking fantastic, yeah?”

Y/N chuckled, closing her eyes as Nathan planted an encouraging kiss to her cheek. “Guess you’re right.”

“Of course I fucking am.”

She laughed.

“Now, get your vodka, tequila, sourz, or whatever the fuck you’re drinking, and let’s go.” Nathan let go of her and walked to the door, opening it. “You got Chloe’s address?”

“Yeah, it’s Dinwiddy, flat 10.”

“Uni accommodation?”

Y/N huffed, reaching for her purse and putting it over her shoulder. “Did you expect my first-year mates to live anywhere else?”

“Not really. Dunno why I’m shocked.”

Y/N searched through her purse, checking she had everything she needed before reaching for her plastic bag where her drinks were.

“Still remember when I lived in Coopers Court with Harry and Mason. Oh, how time flies.”

Y/N stopped short, narrowing her eyes. “I still cannot believe you didn’t tell me anything about you living in the same flat as Harry your first year at uni.”

Nathan sighed.

“Cannot believe you didn’t tell me he went to Helmond. Cannot believe you wanted us to live together without at least informing me-“

“-Mate, are we done with this?”

“Don’t think I’ll ever be done. You tricked me into this.”

“I did not.”

“What did you think was gonna happen when I found out?”

“We’ve been over this,” Nathan said. “I didn’t think it’d be that big of a deal. Harry did not react like this when I told him I promised to live with you my second year, your first year.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, having already heard this.

“In fact, he did not mind one bit living with you.”

“I mind living with him.”

“Clearly, or else we wouldn’t still be having this conversation.”

Y/N tutted, walking past Nathan and down the stairs. “I’ll let this argument be for the time being, but expect me to pick it back up again tomorrow when my mind’s not all over the place. I want to be able to fucking destroy you.”

“Great. Can’t wait.”

Y/N and Nathan started walking in the direction of Dinwiddy, the biggest uni accommodation at Helmond, where most students ended up staying. Parmiter Street was a mere 30-minute walk away, and though they could have easily taken the tube, they both knew that it would be best for them to get some fresh air before drinking. Y/N also wanted to walk off some of her anxiety, though she was fairly certain that would not happen. On one hand she was looking forward to meeting Chloe and the rest of her English Lit gang, on the other, she was nervous. Her nerves came more from fear of experiencing the same blinding anxiety she had when she was younger, for that same feeling of helplessness and bottomlessness that it had brought her. What if it appeared when she was drinking? What if it got worse as she got drunk?

She hated how moving away to London and to University had brought her so much doubt. It was like she had to figure out who she was all over again. Here, it was only Nathan who knew her. Well… him and Harry, but the latter did not count. If Y/N so wanted, she could become a new version of herself. She knew that was something uni offered; finding a new you and shaping it into a person you want to be. There were several things Y/N wished she could change about herself. She had a horrible temper, was a little too loud at times, took many things far too personal, and more. She was unsure how much independence and a new environment could help make her a better version of herself, but she hoped Helmond and London could help her to some degree.

Once they arrived at Parmiter Street, Nathan walked straight onto Dinwiddy campus grounds and showed them the way to flat 10. The brown brick buildings rose five storeys high around them, shaping a small T formation with some benches along the stone path where people could sit on the few occasions when the weather would allow it. Nathan had been there the year before, loads of his friends from his Criminology course had lived at Dinwiddy accommodation and therefore hosted pre-drinks there. Nathan knew his way around, and, sure enough, he showed them right to flat 10. On the right hand-side, the first building, Nathan strolled over to the entrance.

He met Y/N’s eyes, trying to get a picture of just how nervous she was. After all, these were her friends, and had they been home in Nottingham, she would not have been this nervous at all. Nathan was not anxious at all, and he had never talked to – never met – Chloe or any of Y/N’s course mates.

“Listen,” Nathan said, giving Y/N a small smile. “If it gets too much, we’ll just go home, yeah? I won’t leave your side.”

Y/N smiled back, nodding her head. “Yeah. I’ll send Chloe a text saying we’re here.”

“We could just ring the doorbell.”

She looked at him. “Nath.”

“Y/N.”

“What were phones invented for if we’re just gonna ring people’s doorbells? I’m sending her a text.”

Nathan reached forward and rang the doorbell, making Y/N raise her eyebrows at him and take a deep breath as not to throw him against the brick building.

“Yes?” came from the speakers beside the doorbells. It was Chloe.

Nathan nudged Y/N, nodding in the direction of the speakers. She glared at him. “It’s Y/N.”

“Ahh, brill!” Chloe unlocked the door for them and Nathan opened it, letting Y/N enter first. They walked over to the stairs, looking at a sign there that showed them flat 10 at the topmost storey.

“They don’t even have a bloody lift, do they?” Y/N asked Nathan as she looked around.

“Gotta walk, mate.”

“Fuck me,” Y/N groaned as they began their ascent.

“I’d rather not.”

Despite herself, Y/N laughed a bit. They made it to the fourth floor, and Y/N knocked on the door as Nathan breathed heavily beside her.

“Hi,” Chloe smiled as she opened the door, stepping aside to let Y/N and Nathan in.

“Hiya,” Y/N smiled back, feeling her heart beat hard inside her chest. Something about Chloe’s smile, the reminder that she had invited Y/N over, that she wanted her there, settled atop Y/N’s shoulders, making them sag to a comfortable level. “Brought my housemate, hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all!” Chloe said, turning to Nathan.

“Nathan,” he smiled. “Thanks for letting me come here.”

“Don’t mention it,” Chloe said, closing the door and showing them the way down a corridor towards the shared living space where a heavy bass was throbbing. The fluorescent lights overhead in the hallway resembled those at a petrol station, making Y/N squint as she entered the living room. There sat everyone she had the pleasure of meeting earlier that week. Hayden, Annalise, and Thian were all around the table with a glass each to drink. Y/N smiled at them, waving her hand as they all grinned back at her. She still felt like she was intruding.

“Y/N, Nathan, do you like sambuca?” Chloe asked, walking over to the kitchen bench to fetch plastic shot glasses.

“Never say no to sambuca, ey?” Nathan grinned, nodding for Y/N to go sit down so he could follow her lead. “We’ll have a shot each of you’re handing out.”

“I am, indeed,” Chloe said, getting two shot glasses and walking over to the table, placing the glasses in front of Nathan who looked absolutely ecstatic.

“Thanks, babe,” Y/N said.

“You lot playing a drinking game?” Nathan asked, getting his drinks out to mix them all together into his paper cup.

“Yeah, we’re playing Never Have I Ever,” Hayden answered. “However, if no one drinks, everyone’s got to take a sip except for the person asking, but the person asking’s gotta take two if no one drinks.”

“Ahh, alright,” Nathan said. “Creative. Love it.”

“This is Y/N’s friend, Nathan, by the way, guys,” Chloe said as she came back over with shots for everyone.

“Oh, yeah, this is Nathan. He’s a second-year, we live in a flat together in Haggerston.” Y/N suddenly felt stupid for not introducing him right away so that Chloe had to. She felt her cheeks heat up, but she refused to look like she felt headless. Instead, she got her vodka and cranberry juice out, mixing it as Nathan spoke beside her.

“We’ve known each other forever, so she moved in with me and my flatmates this year instead of moving into uni accommodation,” he elaborated.

“You knew each other in Nottingham?” Chloe asked, and, for some reason, the fact that Chloe remembered that made Y/N feel all kinds of warm.

“Yeah, been best friends for years.”

“How nice that you got to live together here,” Chloe smiled in Nathan’s direction, then at Y/N.

“It is, isn’t it?” Nathan said, looking at Y/N and giving her a small wink before going back to his drink.

“Right, we need to take advantage of being first-years and get drunk as often as possible,” Thian said. “So, tonight needs to be good.”

“It’ll be good regardless,” Annalise retorted, taking one of the shots from the tray Chloe had brought to the table.

“Where are we going, anyway?” Hayden asked.

Thian nodded. “Pub or club?”

“Don’t really feel like clubbing tonight, you know what I mean?” Chloe asked, the other three coming with exclamations of agreement or nodding slightly. “Pub then?”

“We have a pub right by us,” Nathan said. “Only 30 minutes away and it’s the best one in Haggerston, in my opinion anyway.”

Y/N wrinkled her nose some. “The Stag’s Head?”

“Yeah, it’s always full and they sometimes got live music and everything.”

“We could go there, yeah,” Chloe said. “If everyone’s in.”

“Could we take a bus there?” Hayden asked.

“30 minutes isn’t a long walk, though,” Chloe chuckled. “As long as Nathan and Y/N show the way, we won’t get lost.”

“Don’t count on my navigational skills when I’m under the influence, babes,” Nathan said, making the others laugh.

“We’re better off using Google Maps, he might just show the way to the Gregg’s by Dalston Kingsland where he thinks the entire staff’s got a crush on him,” Y/N said before taking a sip of her drink, laughter erupting again. It felt good, like a pat on the shoulder, and Y/N instantly eased. Maybe she had not lost her old self at all, maybe she could still feel at ease, even around new people.

“They all flirt with me, and who can blame them?” Nathan shrugged his shoulders, whipping his head to the side so his lush, curly red hair dangled at the top of his head, grinning his wide smile and making the lip piercing shine in the fluorescent lights overhead.

The rest of the night went on, and it was easier to talk to everyone as time progressed. Not only because Y/N got more and more intoxicated, but she also just felt better after getting to know them all. Hayden always laughed the loudest, and their laughter was also very infectious, making it hard not to chuckle along with them. Annalise, though she sometimes stuttered over a few English words, was incredibly considerate and would urge Y/N to continue on with her story when others did not hear her. Thian offered Y/N tons of shots and complimented her on her outfit, making it easier for Y/N to feel good and seen, as she had been terrified of back at the flat. Chloe was easily the boss, and did most of the talking, though no one seemed to mind. After all, Chloe had introduced everyone to everyone, so people knew her the best out of everyone.

As time went on, Y/N just felt better. It was easier to talk to everyone and, at one point, she thought she was back at home in Nottingham, introducing herself to strangers at a party. They all made it easy to forget just how nervous she had been. It made her look forward to seeing them in her other lectures and seminars the coming week and all those weeks after that. Maybe these were the people she would spend her time at University with, and that excited her.

Bottles emptied and the volume inside the uni flat had increased massively. It was close to 9 when Chloe suggested they leave, and assured Y/N that she could leave the little she had left of her vodka at her place to pick up another day. Y/N took her up on the offer, insides warm from both alcohol and Chloe’s hospitality.

Nathan showed the way towards Haggerston and The Stag’s Head, arm entwined with Y/N’s for most of the way there. At one point however, Y/N let go of him and ended up walking beside Annalise and Thian, talking about one of the texts they had to read by Tuesday. It was such a mundane conversation, complaining about course work and talking about coming deadlines, that it felt like they had been mates for ages. The chat flowed so easily, the laughter rolled off their tongues, and it just made sense for all of them to be together, walking along the dark London streets in their tipsy states, making their way towards what would hopefully be the first of many trips to a pub.

They arrived at Orsman Road and they could hear The Stag’s Head before they saw it. Y/N had never paid it much attention. She knew she would end up popping by once or twice during her time at uni, but she had not envisioned her checking it out that first week. Nathan held the door open for everyone, resting a hand at Y/N’s back as he followed her indoors last.

The pub was small, but Y/N was sure that it was bigger than it appeared late on a Friday evening. Straight ahead, in a V formation, stood the bar, a wall filled with bottles of all alcohol imaginable behind it, lit up by red light which fit the dark red of the counter surrounding it. Far down to the left, it seemed the rest of the pub disappeared from view, but judging by the stairs Y/N could see, she supposed there was a loo somewhere in that direction, and it also looked to be where one could go to reach the smoking area. People were both sat and stood by the bar as well as booths along the walls. What appeared to be the stage further down to the right was unoccupied by any performers, though a few lads stood there with a pint each. There were no free tables, and this put a damper on the mood quite quickly.

Nathan, however, pulled them all towards the smoking area and they were all pleasantly surprised to see a free table and two benches untouched. Fairylights hung over the outdoor space, from the house and over to the fence on the other side. It lit up just enough, made it possible to see, but not too bright for people to squint when walking out into the night. A few empty pints and a smoky ash tray stood in the middle of the table, but Nathan put the glasses on the brick fence before everyone sat down.

“Alright, I’ll pay for your drink,” Nathan said, smiling at Y/N. “Anyone wanna come to the bar? Y/N’ll watch the table.”

“Ah, yes.” Chloe got up, the rest of the gang following along and walking towards one of the two entrances to the pub. Y/N got her phone out, looking to see if she had any notifications she had to check out, but there were none. She was about to resolve to scrolling aimlessly through Instagram, when she heard a slightly familiar voice.

“Hi there.” Mason sat down on the edge of the opposite bench, a cigarette in hand and a small smile on his lips. “Didn’t know you and Nath would come here tonight.”

“Oh, hiya,” Y/N smiled. “No, we didn’t know where we’d go after pre-drinks. He suggested this place, so we brought some of my course mates with us here.”

“You going out later?”

“No, think we’re just gonna stay here.”

“Yeah, this is a chill place,” Mason said, puffing out some smoke.

“This is my first time here.”

Mason raised his eyebrows. “Is it?”

Y/N smiled. “You think I should’ve come here earlier?”

“More to do with the fact that our flat just loves this place, thought Nathan would’ve at least taken you here already.”

“He did now.”

“It’s my favourite pub around here, and Harry-“

“-Mase!” Nathan exclaimed, grinning as he came over with two gin and tonics. “You’re here as well!”

“Yeah, it’s a Friday night, innit?”

“Hi,” Chloe said, sitting down beside Mason with a wide grin on her face. It seemed like she wanted to introduce herself or to be introduced, but before Y/N could say anything, the conversation resumed.

“Hey,” Mason answered, looking back to Nathan who seemed to be ecstatic to see one of his flatmates. “Hear you haven’t taken Y/N here till now.”

Nathan sighed. “Not like I didn’t want to, just haven’t gotten the opportunity.”

“What’s so good about this place?” Y/N asked, looking from Nathan to Mason.

“Just close, innit? Also, it’s crowded, but it’s not as crowded as most pubs down by Kingsland Road,” Nathan elaborated.

“You lot have a good night, yeah? Need to get back to my mates.” Mason leaned past Chloe, stumping the rest of his cigarette into the ashtray before he got up, walking over to a big group of lads. Chloe stared after him as the rest of the conversation around the table started back up again, Y/N pretended to not see how she was checking him out. It felt like she was intruding on a moment that was not meant for anyone but Mason to see.

“You’re living with him?” Chloe asked.

“Yeah.”

“He’s well fit.”

“Guess.”

Chloe giggled. “You’re taking the rule to not shag one of your flatmates seriously, then?”

“Shouldn’t everyone?” Thian asked, furrowing his brows. “It only complicates everything.”

“How? It’s only a shag. It’s not like you’re gonna fall in love with them,” Chloe said.

“Can’t really control your emotions, though.” Nathan shrugged. “Two of my flatmates last year shagged. He had feelings for her, she just wanted a one night stand. Didn’t end well.”

Y/N put her drink back down on the table after a long sip. “Well, if you’re clear beforehand and make it clear that it’s only for this night and there’s no emotions behind it other than temporary bliss, then that’s okay, isn’t it?”

“Nah,” Hayden said, shaking their head. “It’s an unwritten rule. Don’t shag your flatmates.”

“Is it a serious rule?” Annelise asked, furrowing her brows.

“It’s got serious consequences,” Hayden answered.

“But if you’re both aware it’s only a one time thing, then is it serious?” Y/N asked.

“Babe, sex is complicated. You’re always just gonna be connected in a way, you know?” Nathan said.

“I can promise you I’m not connected to Ollie Lee in any way, shape, or form,” Y/N huffed, sipping her drink again as Nathan laughed, the other joining in because of Y/N’s obvious distaste in this Ollie Lee.

“Was he awful in bed?” Chloe asked, smiling as she looked between Nathan and Y/N.

“No, I was just desperate one night last year.” Y/N rolled her eyes at herself. “Let’s just say that mid-shag he asked me if I had to go to the toilet, and when I said no, he told me that whenever I felt like I had to, just pee on him instead.”

Gasps erupted around the table, and a second later, everyone started howling with laughter. Nathan kept on hitting his thigh, leaning into Y/N and laughing. Though it was a fairly embarrassing story on Y/N’s part, her definite lowest of low, she could not help feeling good about making everyone laugh like this. Looking around at everyone, she suddenly felt very good about herself, despite this being her worst sex story ever.

It was not like Y/N had fucked her way through Nottingham and had tons of stories to tell. In fact, she hadn’t shagged that many. She had had sex with eight people, three of them being women, one non-binary, and the other four men. She had been very vocal about the fact that the best sexual encounters she had had, were with women. They had all been so nice, and though it had never escalated to anything romantic beyond that one night together, they had made Y/N feel the best she’d ever felt. She suspected women just knew what to do, that they cared how she felt and did not solely care about their own release.

The group ended up just sitting around and talking for a while. It was nice to go somewhere outside of the uni setting and get to know some people, this was what uni was all about, or so Nathan had told her countless times. These people were as anxious about making friends and being liked as she was, but there they all were, making friends and going outside their own comfort zone.

At one point, Y/N had finished her drink and went to get another round for her and Nathan. The pub seemed to be even more packed now that it was closer to midnight. Everyone wanted to drink the week away, to forget about their lives for a little while and just spend time in good company. Y/N strolled over to the bar, looking up and down the counter to see if any of the bartenders were free to help her. The second her eyes landed on a familiar figure, she halted.

Harry’s eyes were already on hers as he stood almost right opposite her mixing a drink. He let go of a sigh, looking down at whatever he was mixing.

“You…” she started, raising her eyebrows. “You’ve got to be fucking everywhere.”

“Only ‘cause you’re every single place I usually am,” he said, continuing to make whatever drink he was making.

“Do you work here then?”

He looked over at her, raising one of his eyebrows. “I’m not a hallucination now?”

Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Can’t believe you thought I was a bloody hallucination.”

“Believe it. It’s all Nathan’s fault anyway. I’ll never forgive him for forcing me to live with you for a year.”

Harry let out a dry laugh. “To answer your question: no, thought I’d help out behind the bar to get me adrenaline going.”

“Well funny,” Y/N said. “You got me cracking up, can you tell?”

“Last time I checked, I got you laughing pretty hard, yeah.”

“That’s literally two years ago now.”

Harry finished the drink, putting it in a glass and placing it in front of the person standing just beside Y/N. Her eyes first landed on the watch on his wrist, the nice brown leather, and then her gaze travelled upward. She looked up at the man who was already staring at her, giving him a smile when she smiled at him. Their eye contact was put to an abrupt end when Harry poked the man’s hand holding the drink with the card machine. Y/N looked back at Harry, and then at another man with strong build and big, curly hair who stepped into view beside Harry.

“I’ll take care of her, Kai,” Harry said.

This Kai looked at Harry, blinking once before he met Y/N’s eyes again.

“She’s my flatmate,” Harry elaborated, making Kai study Y/N a bit more closely before he nodded once. He was very good looking, with a broad nose, almond-shaped eyes, and full lips, his brown skin glowed in the dim lights of the pub.

“That new one,” Kai said.

“Yeah.”

Kai smiled then, nodding in Y/N’s direction. “Nice of you to come check on Hazza. It’s always hectic on Fridays.”

“Oh, our other flatmate took me here, I didn’t come by choice.”

Kai’s eyebrows rose on his face and he looked at Harry who barked out a laugh, shrugging his shoulders at Kai as they exchanged a look. Harry walked over to stand right in front of her, signalling to Kai that he could take care of this one. Kai walked off, taking someone else’s order.

“Even feistier than I remember, you are,” Harry said.

She cocked her head to the side as Harry gathered a glass for her drink, already assuming that was what she was going to get. “You didn’t seem to have a problem with it before.”

It left her lips before she even registered she was thinking it. Harry only took a deep breath before meeting Y/N’s eyes again, clearly choosing to ignore her statement. “What can I get you, Y/N?”

“Sex on the Beach, please,” she said. “Two of them.”

“Alright.” Harry started making them right away, signalling to someone that he’d be right with them after this. Y/N looked around her, meeting the gaze of the man who had just stood by her at the bar. He raised his glass in her direction and she smiled back. She definitely had to go talk to him after this. He seemed to be a bit older, maybe five years older than her, but just for tonight, she did not care.

Y/N glanced back at Harry and watched him, fascinated by how fast he managed to make the drinks. “How long have you worked here, then?”

“A year abouts,” Harry said. “Worked in a hotel when we moved to Brum. Tended to work at the bar when the bartender was out.”

Y/N nodded, eyes on his hands as he poured ice, shots, and all types of alcohol and liquids into her drink. “You lived there till you moved to London?”

“Yeah.” They were quiet for a moment, both of them remembering all of the things that were left unsaid between them. All of those words, moments, and memories they had created during those months the two of them had crossed paths in Nottingham.

He cleared his throat as he put the drinks down in front of her. “If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t much like Brum.”

Y/N took a grip of the glasses. “And why’s that?”

“Dunno. Just didn’t find my footing proper.”

“In the two years you lived there?”

He shrugged. “Guess not.”

Y/N clicked her tongue. “Was it that bad?”

“Nah, I met tons of ace people and Birmingham’s a decent place, but…” He shrugged again. “Dunno.”

“Hmm,” she said, trying to decipher his words and if he was being truthful or not.

“Anyway,” Harry said, nodding to the drinks. “Take that other drink to Nathan – as I’m sure it’s for him – and when you bring that middle-aged man home later: please, be quiet. I have rugby at 11 tomorrow morning.”

Y/N’s mouth fell open. “How dare-“

“-Y/N, what’s taking so fucking long?” Nathan shouted as he came up next to her. His eyes fell on Harry behind the bar. “Oh… forgot to tell you Harry works here.”

“Nath, shut the fuck up,” Y/N said, looking from Nathan and back at Harry.

Harry nodded towards the door, silently telling them to fuck off, and they did. They walked back to the rest who were still sitting by the same table outside. Nathan took his drink from Y/N and sat down, but just as Y/N was about to sit down, she heard someone clear their throat behind her. She looked over her shoulder rather fast, blinking a few too many times when she locked eyes with the same man who had been standing beside her by the bar.

“Hi,” he said, giving her a broad smile.

Y/N almost felt herself blush. “Hey.”

“I’m George.”

She smiled. “Y/N.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Y/N,” he said, he gestured at the bench where she had just been about to sit down. “Mind if I sit down with you?”

Her smile widened. “Not at all.”

Y/N felt fucking terrible. Her room was too hot, too humid. Body sticky with sweat, limbs aching, throat burning with yesterday’s alcohol, and head throbbing, she opened her eyes slowly before shutting them again, groaning into her pillow. She hated herself for not drinking as much water before bed as she usually did when coming home from a night out. Sitting up, she looked down at the man beside her, racking her brain to remember what his name was. She ran her hands over her face, reaching for her glasses so she could see something, but quickly realising she left her contact lenses in the night before. Her eyes were so dry it hurt to blink and she suddenly realised why her head was hurting more than normal. Cursing herself, Y/N got out of bed with her glasses perched at the top of her head, picking up a tee shirt and some tights, pulling on her fluffy dressing gown before she made her way out of her room as soundlessly as possible.

She stumbled her way to the bathroom, locking the door behind her. First thing she did was take her contacts out, struggling to do so as the contacts were so dry, her eyes having dried out with them. She splashed water in her face next, then drank the equivalent to the Atlantic Ocean before splashing even more water on her face. She then put her glasses on, realising that she had to let her eyes relax some after what she had just put them through. It took her awhile to gather up the courage to go to the toilet, where she made herself throw up the nausea she was feeling before having a very long peeing session.

Moments of the night before came rushing back to her, and as she sat there on the toilet, she remembered more and more. The name George came to her like out of a fog, and then the details started falling into place. She remembered how he’d bought her more drinks, how the two of them had sat talking all night about nothing in particular. She remembered his hand on her thigh and him leaning into her to whisper in her ear. Then they were in her room, her front against the mattress and his weight on her back. It was all hazy after that, most of it just a mess of limbs and chasing a release that she had never caught up with. Though Y/N usually made it clear that she hadn’t come, she was too worn out to tell George. She remembered falling asleep almost the second they were done. To say she had been underwhelmed was an understatement.

When she was done, she walked down the stairs for the kitchen. Once again, she was left stopping right in her tracks as she walked in. Harry stood by the stove, eyes on the pan in front of him where he was making eggs, a few asparagus and peppers cooking beside the two frying eggs. For a moment, she debated walking back upstairs and leaving Harry to it, but then he glanced over at the door to his right, meeting her eyes right away. He gave her a tight-lipped smile before turning back to his breakfast. God… Y/N wanted to set herself on fire. It’d be better than staying inside a room with Harry alone after years apart.

He wore rugby shorts that reached mid-thigh, a white tee shirt to go with it, and a hairband to keep his hair out of his face. Y/N realised just then that he was getting ready to leave for rugby as he had told her yesterday he would. She could remember him doing rugby when they knew each other three years ago as well, but she didn’t think he’d still be doing it.

The small conversation they had in The Stag’s Head the night before lingered in the air between and around them. That was reason enough to turn and walk upstairs again. But as Y/N remembered who was waiting for her in her room, she stepped into the kitchen. She got two slices of bread and put them in the toaster, getting some butter and milk out of the fridge as she waited. She watched Harry’s back as she filled the kettle with enough water, quickly looking away when he moved to put his eggs on the two slices of bread on his plate. Biting her lip, Y/N got a mug and a teabag, looking back over at Harry as he stood holding his breakfast plate. Y/N took a deep breath, knowing exactly what she had to do.

“Okay,” she said only a second before Harry turned around to face her, mouth open as if to say something. He must have noticed the tension as well. “We need to talk this through. We can’t live together for the next year if it’s gonna be like this. Just gonna put that out there right away.”

“Yeah,” Harry sighed. “I’ve been thinking the same thing.”

Y/N leaned her hip against the counter, feeling relieved that she was not the only one out of the two that had thought about how incredibly awkward this was. “You’ve thought about it too?”

“Of course. I’ve been fuming ‘cause Nathan didn’t tell you sooner, and I’ve also found it annoying how I’m the bad guy in your eyes when this wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for Nate.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “I haven’t thought of you as the bad guy-“

“-Y/N,” Harry said, putting his plate down on the counter again. “You’ve been angry at me this whole time. I can tell.”

“My frustration with you has got nothing to do with this situation, but all to do with how you just left without even saying goodbye before you moved away.” Y/N crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m trying to not blame you for this as well, but you’re right, Nathan’s the one that made this happen, we should be angry with him.”

“So you have been mad at me.”

“Well, you’re here, aren’t you?” Y/N narrowed her eyes. “Isn’t it just easier, no matter how stupid the reason, to just find more things to make you angry at a person? To make you hate them even more? Isn’t it just satisfying to find other ways to be frustrated with them?”

“No.”

“You’re no fun.”

“I am.”

“Anyway,” Y/N continued, getting her bread slices out of the toaster to put butter on them. “Why didn’t we say anything? If we’ve both thought it’s been awkward, I mean.”

“You’ve been busy shagging men 10 years older than you, I didn’t get the chance.”

“Look at you not being frustrated or annoyed with me.”

“I told you to be quiet last night,” Harry said, getting a fork and putting some asparagus and paprika in his mouth. “You weren’t.”

Y/N got the kettle as it finished, pouring some hot water into her mug. “So, what you’re saying is that you’ve been angry with me.”

“Not angry, just…” Harry sighed. “Fine. A little angry last night, yes.”

Y/N smiled. “And he wasn’t 10 years older than me, he’s five years older.” She paused. “I think.”

“Right,” Harry said, eating more of his breakfast. “Listen…” He swallowed. “I think we should just… We should just address it.”

“Yeah.”

They were both quiet, looking at the other and waiting for them to say what they were both thinking. Though it looked like he was about to reach for his bread to take a bite, Harry stopped himself. Instead, he took a deep breath, and said, “It was fucking terrible. That first time…” He trailed off, narrowing his eyes before he ran a hand over his face, remembering it all over again. “I didn’t even last a minute. It was mortifying.”

“It wasn’t half as mortifying as you trying to go down on me afterwards.”

Harry let out a small laugh. “Yeah, that wasn’t really…” He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“No, we were both part of it. You don’t have to apologise for that.”

“You hear all these stories about how losing your virginity is supposed to be so beautiful, but it’s not. It’s really fucking not. Especially if you lose it to someone else who hasn’t had sex before, it just makes it double as awkward.”

Y/N nodded. “It was shit. Both of us were shit.”

“Exactly.”

“But I hope you know the reason I’m frustrated with you isn’t because of that.”

Harry looked away, biting at his bottom lip before he said, “Yeah, I know why.”

“Good, just wanted that to be clear.”

Harry nodded, taking his bread slice in his hand, making sure the egg wouldn’t fall off before he brought it to his mouth. “Well, now that we’ve addressed that, let’s just move on.”

“Let’s.”

She gave him a small smile before taking her teabag out of her mug and throwing it in the bin. There was still some tension in the room, but not enough for Y/N to want to set herself on fire like she had wanted to before. Just as she was about to take a grip of her plate and cuppa, the sounds of footsteps made her look up. George, who had been asleep last time Y/N checked, walked by the kitchen, halting as he saw Y/N and Harry standing there in the kitchen. He gave them both a smile Y/N could tell was forced, and then walked straight for the door without a single word or a second glance. Y/N and Harry looked at one another, sharing a look before they both chuckled ever so slightly.

“Cracking bloke,” Harry mumbled.

“Innit,” Y/N huffed, picking up her breakfast. “Have fun at rugby practice.”

“Cheers.”

She walked by him, hoping that her room did not smell of George or anything resembling alcohol or sweat. If it did, she would hit her head against the wall. But, lucky for her, George had left the door open, which had given the room a little bit of time to get the smell of last night out. After putting on her fluffy duvet cover, she opened the windows to let some fresh air in, and left her door open as she sat down in bed with her laptop, tea, and breakfast.

Just as she was about to put her plate down on the nightstand, she noticed something already laying there on top of her books. Adjusting her glasses, Y/N squinted at the object. She put her plate down on her duvet cover and reached for the wristwatch George had left. It was the nice leather one she had seen last night by the bar, the one that had caught her attention first. The digital clock seemed to have stopped working, displaying a random time that Y/N in her hangover state could not tell anyone what was. She was too fucked to even try and understand the numbers in front of her.

She put the clock back on her desk, hoping that she’d run into George soon so she could give it back to him. Or maybe Nathan could stalk Facebook and find him so she could message him there to tell him. She was glad she hadn’t exchanged phone numbers with George as she did not want to meet him again, but right now, she wanted to give him his watch back.

Y/N heard the front door open and then close, indicating that Harry had just left for rugby, and, as far as she could tell, she was the only one currently awake in her flat. The morning was quiet, she felt oddly at peace as she put on Fleabag and sipped her cuppa, and little did she know, this would be one of those rare moments over the last three years that this emotion inhabited her body.

NEXT UPDATE: Sunday, 7th March, 9PM GMT!

Huge thanks to my AMAZING beta reader! 🏛️ @aileenacoustic 🏛️ @devil-in-bw-the-sheets 🏛️ @sunflowerstache 🏛️ @fromyourstrulyh 🏛️

FIC PAGE | COME TALK !!!

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles smut #harry styles x you #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles fic #1dff #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGIWGOJGI PLS COME TALK !!!!

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trshpando · 4 years

Text

Rewriting Twilight (2009) cause I’m bored

- I may or may not be looking into this as a modern thing bc fuck the 2000s lmfaoooo so let’s say... 2017? that works right ?

- Okay, starting off, can we pLEASE give Renee a better reason for ABANDONING HER TEENAGE DAUGHTER? literally just the while leaving to be on the road thing just, pisses me off so badly

- okay okay okay hold on if i have to go into that route to fit with the story🙄 can we at least do it so that renee and phil take bella to forks instead of just being like “yup here’s your plane ticket see ya whenever” like renee at least takes bella and helps her settle in, even if she and charlie aren’t on the best of terms they’ll get along for their daughter

- growing up, charlie was way more involved with bella. she would spent several weeks during summer with him in forks, and the occasional time in several other places given that charlie got the time off

- while in forks, bella and charlie would spend time with the blacks; billy, rebecca, rachel, and jacob. she and the twins were closer than she and jacob ever would be, but the four of them were always disappointed when bella had to return to arizona

- bella and renee were like a perfect lil mother-daughter duo up until bella realized how lonely her mother was and encouraged her to date. although she was the one to encourage her, there was an immediate shift in their relationship

- when bella moved to forks, she hadn’t seen charlie for years—having decided herself to just, stop visiting. the few days renee was spending in forks with her were very much, as the kids say, awkward as fuck

- the boys in the high school weren’t just, so attracted to her? like have you been a new kid in a school? you’re the interest for like a week or two and then everybody is like eh whatever

- she still met mike, jessica, and angela and whoever the other guy is, um his name isn’t on the wiki so pardon me and they are absolute best friends, minus mike who 100% has a crush on her from the moment he sees her

- ERIC HIS NAME IS ERIC

- jessica, angela and bella totally have girl nights and you cannot tell me otherwise i mean theyre 17 ofc theyre gonna have girl nights and hangouts all the time

- jessica and angela help bella settle into the school, angela actually asks for bellas help for tips for the newspaper from time to time

- CULLEN TIME BB

- bella and edward are intrigued with one another but after that one day in science (biology? idk science class let’s go) bella thought he was kind of a massive dick and didn’t want anything to do with him, especially after jessica mentioned that he was totally closed off from everyone except his family

- okay fr cullen time

- i 100% am keeping the stories of emmett rosalie esme and carlisle cause yes

- one thing i do want to change, my girl rosalie is poc<3 fuck that white cullen vampire bullshit

- jasper was nOT a confederate soldier, fUCK THAT he was drafted, upset about it, but he still tried his best to make his country proud—which maria took advantage of.

- alice is poc too<3 we love poc women in this home<3<3

- (im only saying poc the rest is up to you<3>)

- can we pUHLEASE have the cullens act like regular people? instead of “oh those foster siblings and their love lives, oh dr cullen adopt me pls” can it be like, yeah carlisle and esme are foster parents and the only ones they’ve really “adopted” are edward and alice. rosalie and jasper are twins, and they just kind of have permission to live with the cullens and then emmett comes from let’s say an abusive home and the cullens were like wow fuck that shit we give you shelter AND THATS LESS WEIRD THAN FOSTER SIBLING LOVE

- AND THEY DONT SPARKLE IN THE FUCKING SUN, PLEASE

- okay back to regular programming

- edward still saves bella from getting crushed, and bella tries to talk to him about it but after edward is rude once again bella just says fuck you and bounces off

- jessica angela and bella say fuck boys and decide to do a girls group to prom bc my girls are besties

- edward knows that bella is his mate but he is pushing her away bc of her being human and he’s hurting bc of it

- despite his protests, alice befriends bella on her own and becomes close to her, with bella even inviting alice to join her and the girls to girls night — alice 100% tries to invite rosalie, but she only goes when she has nothing to do

- victoria james and laurent are still 100% tracking the cullens

- jessica angela bella alice and rosalie all go dress shopping. rosalie goes for the dresses while alice goes to watch over bella for edward. bella still detaches from the group, and gets harassed by that group but ITS ROSALIE THAT SAVES HER bc fuck if she’s gonna let another woman go through what she went through

- it’s through alice and rosalie that bella realizes the truth about the cullens (with the help jacob and his lil group making comments about the cullens)

- alice invites bella over to the house a lot, mostly trying to get edward to get close to her but it mainly just became a thing of bella getting close to literally everyone but edward bc he’s a pussy and doesnt wanna be near her out of fear of hurting her

- it isn’t until the baseball game (which rosalie thoughtfully invited bella to) and james victoria and laurent attack that edward finally admits that he is attracted to bella but at this point she’s like yeah that’s cool but you’ve been nothing but rude to me so

- as much as it pains him, he settles on just being friends with her

- the same tricky james story is the same. he tricks her to the ballet studio and tries to kill her blah blah blah

- edward tries to suck the venom out of bella’s system and nearly kills her in the process; rosalie and carlisle practically have to drag edward off of her, with rosalie taking him out of the building while carlisle takes care of bella

- everything is happily ever after, bella is in the hospital but edward isn’t there. he can’t trust himself around bella anymore, nor does he want to be near her after having almost killed her, though she doesn’t blame him cause he was really just trying to save her life

- bella still goes to prom, but it’s as a group instead; her, jessica, angela, mike, eric, and tyler (the guy that almost killed her with his car lmao) all go as a group.

- the cullens be there too with edward watching over bella but the moment she tries to talk to him, edward bounces.

- victoria still watches over, a plan already set in motion to kill bella as revenge for the cullens killing james

#twilight #twilight rewrite #Bella swan #edward cullen #rosalie hale #jasper hale #Emmett cullen #alice cullen #carlisle cullen #esme cullen #Charlie swan #Bella cullen #twilight new moon #twilight breaking dawn #twilight eclipse

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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Hulu New Releases: April 2021

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While the first day of spring technically belongs to March, everyone knows that it kicks into high gear in April. To celebrate the changing of the seasons, Hulu is finally bringing back its signature original series for April 2021.

Season 4 of the multiple Emmy award-winning The Handmaid’s Tale premieres on April 28. It’s been awhile since we’ve seen June and her dystopian world. In fact, it’s been so long that our own world decided to endure its own dystopian pandemic in the meantime. Hopefully this series’ return will mean we can keep our political and social collapses on television where they belong.

Aside from The Handmaid’s Tale, Hulu isn’t brining much else to the table in terms of originals this month. Thankfully, the one other original that Hulu has in store for April sounds completely righteous. Sasquatch, the latest docuseries from the Duplass brothers producing team, will cover exactly what the title promises. This three-part series heads off to the Pacific Northwest for a tale about an elicit pot farm and the possibility that three men were viciously murdered by Big Foot on it. Sign us up!

Library titles for Hulu in April 2021 are also pretty thin. But April 1 does feature the arrival Mad Max (1980) and Die Hard (1988). Then April 28 sees the arrival of…well, Arrival (2016). Those aren’t bad streaming options in case the weather in April decides to not be spring-like.

Hulu New Releases – April 2021

April 1 Amy Schumer Learns to Cook: Complete Season 1 (Food Network) Caribbean Life: Complete Seasons 18 & 19 (HGTV) Chopped: Complete Season 44 (Food Network) Chopped Sweets: Complete Season 1 (Food Network) Christina On The Coast: Complete Season 2 (HGTV) Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives: Complete Seasons 34 & 35 (Food Network) Doubling Down with the Derricos: Complete Season 1 (TLC) Extreme Makeover: Home Edition: Complete Season 1 (HGTV) Guy’s Grocery Games: Complete Season 22 (Food Network) Naked and Afraid XL: Complete Season 6 (Discovery) Say Yes to the Dress: Complete Season 19 (TLC) Tournament of Champions: Complete Season 1 (Food Network) Undercover Billionaire: Complete Season 1 (Discovery) UniKitty: Complete Season 3 (Cartoon Network) Vegas Chef Prizefight: Complete Season 1 (Food Network) Worst Cooks in America: Complete Season 18 (Food Network) Higurashi: When They Cry: Season 1, Epsiodes 1-12 (DUBBED) (Funimation) 2012 (2009) 28 Days Later (2003) A Hologram for the King (2016) A Low Down Dirty Shame (1994) A Simple Plan (1998) The Abyss (1989) Before We Go (2015) Bug (2007) Bulworth (1998) Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter (1974) Changing Lanes (2002) Chappaquiddick (2017) Chato’s Land (1972) Cheech & Chong’s Still Smokin’ (1983) Cohen and Tate (1989) The Color Purple (1985) The Dead Zone (1983) The Devil’s Double (2011) Devil in a Blue Dress (1995) Die Hard (1988) Die Hard With A Vengeance (1995) Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988) Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000) Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994) Frankie & Alice (2014) Friends With Benefits (2011) Garden State (2004) The Gift (2000) Girl with a Pearl Earring (2003) Guess Who (2005) Hancock (2008) The Hunting Party (1971) In The Mix (2005) Into the Arms of Strangers: Stories of the Kindertransport (2000) Lady in a Cage (1964) Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006) Life Of Crime (2014) Live Free Or Die Hard (2007) Mad Max (1980) Madea Goes To Jail (Theatrical Feature) (2009) The Man Who Could Cheat Death (1959) The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962) Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2004) Monster’s Ball (2001) Motel Hell (1980) Napoleon Dynamite (2004) Never Back Down (2008) New in Town (2009) Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian (2009) The Out-Of-Towners (1999) The Pawnbroker (1964) Platoon (1986) The Polar Express (2004) The Preacher’s Wife (1996) The Program (1993) Ramona and Beezus (2009) The Replacement Killers (1998) Rio (2011) The Sandlot (1993) Scary Movie 4 (2006) Sex And The City (2008) Sex And The City 2 (2010) Shaft (2000) Shrek 2 (2002) The Skull (1965) Sleeping With The Enemy (1991) Sliver (1993) So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993) Star Trek: Generations (1994) Step Up Revolution (2012) The Sum of All Fears (2002) That Thing You Do! (1996) The Upside (2017) Vanilla Sky (2001) Virtuosity (1995) Waiting to Exhale (1995) War (2007) Warriors of Virtue (1997) What About Bob? (1991) Where the Heart Is (2000) Young Sherlock Holmes (1985)

April 2 WEWORK: OR THE MAKING AND BREAKING OF A $47 BILLION UNICORN : Documentary Premiere (Hulu Original) Law & Order: Organized Crime: Series Premiere (NBC) Manifest: Season 3 Premiere (NBC) The Moody’s: Season 2 Finale (Fox) Real Housewives of New York City: Complete Season 12 (Bravo)

April 3 Hysterical: Series Premiere (FX) Blair Witch (2016)

April 5 Girl (2020)

April 7 Our Last Crusade or the Rise of a New World: Season 1, Epsiodes 1-12 (DUBBED) (Funimation)

April 8 Home Economics: Series Premiere (ABC)

April 9 Everything’s Gonna Be Okay: Season 2 Premiere (Freeform) Rebel: Series Premiere (ABC) The Standard (2020) Stars Fell on Alabama (2021)

April 10 The Day I Became a God: Season 1, Epsiodes 1-12 (DUBBED) (Funimation) Desierto (2015) Knuckledust (2020)

April 12 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012) Spontaneous (2020)

April 15 Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Complete Season 10 (Bravo)

April 16 Fly Like A Girl (2020) Songbird (2020)

April 17 Modern Persuasion (2020) Thelma (2017)

April 20 Sasquatch: Documentary Series Premiere (Hulu Original)

April 21 Cruel Summer: Series Premiere (Freeform)

April 22 GRETA THUNBERG: A YEAR TO CHANGE THE WORLD: Documentary Premiere (PBS)

April 23 The Place of No Words (2020)

April 25 Wild Mountain Thyme (2021)

April 26 The Oscars Red Carpet Show: Special (ABC) The 93rd Oscars: Special (ABC)

April 28 The Handmaid’s Tale: Season 4 Premiere (Hulu Original) Arrival (2016)

April 30 The Judge (2014)

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Leaving Hulu – April 2021

April 27 Our Idiot Brother (2011)

April 30 50/50 (2011) 9 to 5 (1980) Affliction (1998) Article 99 (1992) Beloved (1998) Bloody Sunday (2002) Blow (2001) Body of Evidence (1993) Changing Lanes (2002) Chato’s Land (1972) Cocktail (1988) Cohen and Tate (1989) Crimes Of The Heart (1987) Damien – Omen II (1978) Devil in a Blue Dress (1995) Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988) The Dukes of Hazzard (2005) Escape from Alcatraz (1979) Everything Must Go (2011) Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell (1974) From Hell (2001) G.I. Jane (1997) Garfield (2004) Gargoyles: Wings of Darkness (2004) Happy Tears (2010) The Haunting In Connecticut (2009) The Haunting In Connecticut 2: Ghosts Of Georgia (2013) Hitman’s Run (1999) How Do You Know (2010) The Hunting Party (1971) The January Man (1989) Jennifer 8 (1992) Jumping The Broom (2011) The Last Waltz (1978) Mad Max (1980) Madea Goes To Jail (Theatrical Feature) (2009) Mafia! (Jane Austen’s) (1998) The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962) Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2004) Motel Hell (1980) Mousehunt (1997) My Best Friend’S Girl (2008) Never Back Down (2008) Ninja Assassin (2009) The Omen (1976) (1976) Only God Forgives (2013) Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2009) Platoon (1986) Pretty Woman (1990) The Prince Of Tides (1991) The Replacement Killers (1998) Sands of Iwo Jima (1950) Shaft (2000) The Shootist (1976) Sideways (2004) Strategic Air Command (1955) The Taking Of Pelham 1 2 3 (2009) Teresa’s Tattoo (1994) That Thing You Do! (1996) Two Weeks (2006) Waking Ned Devine (1998) Walking Tall (1973) Warriors of Virtue (1997) What About Bob? (1991) The Whole Nine Yards (2000) Wonder Boys (2000) X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) Young Adult (2011)

The post Hulu New Releases: April 2021 appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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betweenthetimeandsound · 3 years

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Three Minutes to Eternity: My ESC 250 (#220-211)

#220: Yiannis Dimitras -- Feggari Kalokerino (Greece 1981)

"Κοίτα τον έρημο γυαλό Σου ψιθυρίζω σ’ αγαπώ Τώρα θα χτίσω εκκλησιά Για της αγάπης τα τρελά παιδιά" "Look at the desolate seashore I whisper you “I love you” Now I’ll build a church For the crazy children of love" The opening shot, the rose on the piano, set the stage for such a romantic journey under the summer moon. And the soundscape created through the piano and instrumental throw us into this endearing scene, one which is also tinged with melancholy. Feggari Kalokerino is not only an ode to this beauty, but also an admission of craziness for falling in love. With such pretty lyrics, one can't help but get enveloped in this pretty world, where everything is so beautiful. The combination of Yiannis' singing and the woman's piano playing is also quite cute, albeit with some...interesting undertones to it. Either way, it's classical yet timeless.

Personal ranking: 3rd/20 Actual ranking: 8th/20 in Dublin

#219: Liliane Saint-Pierre -- Soldiers of Love (Belgium 1987)

“Neem elkaars handen Smeed nou die banden toe Hoor je die verre kreet? Geen mens vraagt dat leed” “Take each other’s hands Come on, weld those bonds Do you hear that distant scream? Nobody asks for that suffering” Top ten opening themes of anime, haha. It also helps that "Soldiers of Love" is the English translation for the song "Ai no Senshi" from Sailor Moon (which I've listened to many times but haven't gotten that far into the anime...). That said, Soldiers of Love packs a punch with the instrumentation and the high intensity of the melody. The lyrics are a powerful battle cry, albeit one which advocates for peace amongst people. There’s so much energy and determination in Belgium’s host entry, one would prepare themselves for battle for a good cause. Liliane really delivers this earnestly and with determination, though sometimes the military-style get-up stands out to me the most when I watch it again. Though those two guitarists turning their ends as if they were firing guns is a cool thing to behold.

It's one of the host entries that is better than the song which one it for the country, which is something because J'aime la vie is considered a fan favorite.

Personal ranking: 6th/22 Actual ranking: 11th/22 in Brussels

#218: Beth -- Dime (Spain 2003)

"Cuántas veces te llamé en la noche Cuántas veces te busqué Por mis recuerdos yo vuelvo Y no pierdo la fe" "How many times did I call you in the night? How many times did I look for you? I return for my memories And I don’t lose faith" For some reason, Dime reminds me of "Die for You" from two years earlier--both feature modern pop bops with ethnic influences, both imploring about the state of a relationship (while they both want to make it wor. And they're both in the same key! At the same time, Dime holds its own as one of the strongest 2000s entries from Spain. They had similar flamenco/Latin inspired entries in 2001 and 2004, which were highlights in rather mediocre years because of their uniqueness overall. But the guitar flourishes here work well with the dance beat, and it provides its own fun.

Personal ranking: 3rd/26 Actual ranking: 8th/26 in Riga

#217: Svala -- Paper (Iceland 2017)

“Drawing every bit of my truth Colour me in with your blue” I didn’t actually pay attention to this song in the follow-up to the 2017 contest. I also didn’t watch the semi-finals, which could’ve led to me neglecting the song entirely otherwise, especially I've heard a lot about Blackbird during that time. However, the summer after the contest, I discovered the song and listened to it. And I liked it! (And then I got hooked with Svala's other songs through her different groups) I was interested particularly in the lyrics, which discussed a fight between one’s mental demons and anxiety. I like the English version more than the Icelandic one; the latter is a bit more optimistic on winning against the battle whereas the former really takes the issue seriously. The production, while a bit staid, added to the feeling of helplessness with its electronic coldness. The staging also tries to incorporate this, though it didn't work in making it stand out. (I did like Svala's cape and makeup, though!) While I do love "Hear them Calling" a lot, I had a more interesting journey with Paper--it grew until it became something I highly enjoyed. Personal ranking: 6th/42 Actual ranking: DNQ -- 15th in the first semi-final in Kyiv

#216: Live Report -- Why Do I Always Get it Wrong? (United Kingdom 1989)

“You can do what you want to do now...” Honestly, this has to be one of my favorite British entries ever. While "Go" from the previous year gets a lot of acclaim because of its songwriting and Scott's performance (along with how it ended up second in the end), "Why Do I Always Get it Wrong?" is better on how it envelops a mood and could actually be found from this era (though it sadly didn't do too well commercially afterwards, sigh)

Whenever I do something wrong, or self-hate, this is the song I turn to a lot. The synthesizers drew me in—it fit well with the late 1980s-early 1990s sound elsewhere. It's also helped that Celine performed "Where Does My Heart Beat Now" earlier in the contest, which piqued my interest. And while Ray’s ponytail was a choice, it didn’t distract from how he delivered the song.

Despite getting more 12-points, it ended up losing to Yugoslavia by just six points that year. While not my favorite that year, I think it was the better one of the top three; it equally reflects the times and holds up!

Personal and actual ranking: 2nd/22 in Lausanne

#215: Tommy Nilsson -- En Dag (Sweden 1989)

“En dag vi alla förstår, En dag, när stillheten rår, En dag jag finner din hand, När vägarna möts förstår vi varann,” “One day, we all understand, One day, when silence rules One day, I find your hand When our roads meet, we will understand each other” My two favorites from 1989 are sonically different, diverging between despair and hope. I listen to "Why Do I Always Get it Wrong" a bit more, but "En Dag' would stand out for me in a few different ways, more from being just the optimistic song of the two.

The intro features really good brass, which leads way to the fun instrumental. I like how it builds, and Tommy’s interplay with the backing vocalists is incredibly strong. You get a sense of energy from the both of them as they send the song to new heights.

Basically, it's just glorious!

Personal ranking: 1st/22 Actual ranking: 4th/22 in Lausanne

Final Impressions of 1989: It's a pretty fine year, both in songs in production. There are a number of good songs there, though not many classics which hold out in the long-term (except for Vi maler byen rød, which became famous in Denmark and even became the premise of a musical!). Highlights include an overactive conductor from Turkey, two children, and an awesome interval act involving a crossbow!

#214: Bang -- Stop (Greece 1987)

“Ότι κάνεις για δόξα και λεφτά Δες τι χάνεις, αλλού είναι η χαρά”

“Whatever you do is for fame and money See what you are missing, joy is somewhere else”

I’ve heard this song compared to Wham’s output, especially with its vintage rock-n-roll sound (wake me up before you go go). This doesn’t make it any less bad, with its charming tone and thoughtful lyrics about how a girl who only wants material goods should stop chasing them.

(This is another reason why sometimes, the original-language version is better that any other one--the English version to this song has goes on a completely different tangent)

The performance also falls into vintage aesthetics, with the suits for both Thanos and Vassilis and sock-hop style dresses for the backing vocalists. It's really cute, and the way they dance fits the scene.

On another note, apparently Greeks saw this as a favorite at the time, can someone verify that?

Personal ranking: 5th/22 Actual ranking: 10th/22 in Brussels

#213: Guy Bonnet -- Marie-Blanche (France 1970)

“Nous sommes là dans une douce quiétude Nous avons mis fin à notre solitude Nos corps apprennent de tendres habitudes Et Marie-Blanche est à moi”

“We’re there in a soft stillness We’ve put an end to our loneliness Our bodies learn tender habits And Marie-Blanche is mine”

By 1970, chanson was on its way out; in its place was folk, rock-n-roll (spearheaded in France by Johnny Halladay, who has a great French version of "House of the Rising Sun"), and psychadelia. Within France itself, some of the #1 singles from that year include Comme j'ai toujours envie d'aimer, Let It Be, and Bridge over Troubled Water (a total masterpiece, I tell you).

So, what does one make of Marie-Blanche, in this case?

It's a really sweet love poem, in which Guy declares his love for the girl. and conveys a particularly cute scene. Whenever I listen to this, I envision two lovers cuddling inside while watching the snow fall during the winter. There's a sense of magic and serenity in all this, and the lyrics match the pretty piano melody.

Basically, hits are important to keep the contest alive. But songs like Marie Blanche can pull on the feels in the right ways.

Personal ranking: 2nd/12 Actual ranking: =4th/12 in Amsterdam

#212: Justyna -- Sama (Poland 1995)

“I czuła się tak marnie Poczuła się tak marnie Jakby Bóg, dobry Bóg Nie lubił pcheł..”

“And I feel poor Feeling so poor As if God, the good God Didn’t love little fleas...”

If 1994’s To nie ja represented something classic and hopeful, 1995’s Sama takes it and reverses it. (And in the grand Eurovision timeline, they're only separated by the last song of 1994, Je suis un vrai garcon from France) Instead of a young woman filled with life and singing a decent ballad, we have another one pondering herself, all alone, with nobody to help her.

Also, this is more of an acquired taste with its out-of-tune recordings and Justyna’s scream. But it doesn’t feel out of place within the 1990s, with its alternative influences and production, and I like Sama a lot for that!

Unfortunately, it also caused it to do substantially worse, which is simultaneously explainable and baffling. A good result would've made waves for future Eurovision entries; the 1990s are my favorite decade, but they did misalign quite a bit from the mainstream.

Personal ranking: 7th/23 Actual ranking: 18th/23 in Dublin

#211: The Shadows -- Let Me Be the One (United Kingdom 1975)

"You and I could have an affair/make sweet music, go anywhere"

Isn't this lyric really charming? I couldn't help but have a little giggle because of it; there's a sense of naughtiness (especially with choosing "affair"; are they trying to something illicit?) underneath it.

That said, The Shadows are mainly known for their instrumental rock, but Let Me Be the One has a neat melody line. The rock-n-roll vibe, which could be released within that decade, is light but lovely, and added a jolt of uniqueness to the otherwise poppy contest up to that point. The flubbed line in the beginning ("let me be the one who literally holds you tight", haha) adds to the whole thing, but they were able to carry on, nevertheless.

And while I like all the 1970s winners to some extent, I would switch out "Ding-a-Dong" for Let Me Be the One in terms of winners vs. runners-up; like with Sama, it could've changed the contest in a positive way.

Personal ranking: =3rd/19 Actual ranking: 2nd/19 in Stockholm

#esc 250 #esc top 250 #esc greece #esc belgium #esc spain #esc iceland #esc united kingdom #esc sweden #esc france #esc poland #vintage eurovision #three minutes to eternity

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summerchabbab · 4 years

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Post-Modernism

Arts and crafts are not the only aspects of culture that influence contemporary fashion, literature has also had a role in influencing fashion (Hunter, 2012). One of the most influential books to have inspired fashion designers is Frankenstein: Frankenstein’s monster has been printed on shirts (Fig.1) in the Prada Autumn/Winter 2019 collection and Christopher Kane Spring/Summer 2013 (Heron-Langton, 2020). There were also Frankenstein inspired denim jackets from Feng Chen Wang Spring/Summer 2019 and Alexander McQueen Spring/Summer 1999 (Heron-Langton, 2020). Another book that is highly influential is The Shining which inspired Alexander McQueen Autumn/Winter 1999 (Fig.4) and Undercover Spring/Summer 2018 (Heron-Langton, 2020). In Alexander McQueen Autumn/Winter 1999, the garments looked like ice to reference the ending of The Shining where the writer freezes in the snowstorm as well as the fashion show having artificial snow and the collection being presented in an eerie and dramatic way (Heron-Langton, 2020). The dresses from Undercover Spring/Summer 2018 are 1950s styled and the models walked in pairs to reference the twin girls standing in a hallway from The Shining (Heron-Langton, 2020).

Another aspect of culture that influences post-modernist fashion is music (Borrelli-Persson, 2020). Collections such as Moschino Spring/Summer 2020 (Fig.5) and Yves Saint Laurent Spring/Summer 1988 (Fig.7) consisted of garments that looked like musical instruments (Borrelli-Persson, 2020). Then there were collections such as Valentino Spring/Summer 2014 (Fig.3), Basso & Brooke Spring/Summer 2006 (Fig.8), Gucci Spring/Summer 2018 (Fig.9), and Paul Smith Autumn/Winter 2014 (Fig.6) that consists of garments with musical notes used as patterns (Borrelli-Persson, 2020). There were also collections that consisted of garments decorated with musical instruments (Borrelli-Persson, 2020) such as Versace Autumn/Winter 1991 (Fig.10) and Threeasfour Autumn/Winter 2011 (Fig.2).

Even popular figures in culture such as celebrities, musicians and other high-profile individuals influence present day fashion trends (Brassfield, 2017). Contemporary fashion trends often take inspiration from past fashion trends and modernise them to fit in with the present day (Brassfield, 2017).

References

Borrelli-Persson, L. (2020, January 27). 24 Times Fashion Designers Got Their Beat From Music. Retrieved from Vogue: https://www.vogue.com/slideshow/24-times-fashion-designers-got-their-beat-from-music

Brassfield, M. (2017, November 17). The Brief History of Fashion Trends. Retrieved from Everyday Health : https://www.everydayhealth.com/skin-beauty/brief-history-fashion-trends/

Heron-Langton, J. (2020, March 5). 8 books that inspired fashion collections. Retrieved from Dazed: https://www.dazeddigital.com/fashion/article/48242/1/8-books-which-have-inspired-fashion-collections-alexander-mcqueen-gucci-orlando

Hunter, T. (2012, May 12). Novel Style: Literature-inspired fashion offers play on fantasy and reality. Retrieved from Trend Hunter Create the Future: https://www.trendhunter.com/protrends/literature-inspired-fashion

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bananaofswifts · 5 years

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IT’S A SUNDAY AFTERNOON in Tribeca, and I’m in Taylor Swift’s loft, inside a former printing house that she has restored and fortified into a sanctuary of brick, velvet, and mahogany. The space is warm and cozy and vaguely literary—later, when we pass through her bedroom en route to her garden, 10 percent of my brain will believe her wardrobe might open up to Narnia. Barefoot in a wine-colored floral top and matching flowy pants, Swift is typing passwords into a laptop to show me the video for “You Need to Calm Down,” eight days before she unleashes it on the world. I have a sliver of an idea what to expect. A few weeks earlier, I spent a day at the video shoot, in a dusty field-slash-junkyard north of Los Angeles. Swift had made it a sort of Big Gay Candy Mountain trailer park, a Technicolor happy place. The cast and crew wore heart-shaped sunglasses—living, breathing lovey-eyes emoji—and a mailbox warned, LOVE LETTERS ONLY. Swift and a stream of costars filmed six scenes over about a dozen hours. The singer-songwriter Hayley Kiyoko, known to her fans as “Lesbian Jesus,” shot arrows at a bull’s-eye. The YouTube comedian-chef Hannah Hart danced alongside Dexter Mayfield, the plus-size male model and self-described “big boy in heels.” The Olympic figure skater Adam Rippon served up icy red snow cones. Swift and her close friend Todrick Hall, of Kinky Boots and RuPaul’s Drag Race, sipped tea with the cast of Queer Eye. The mood was joyous and laid-back. But by the end of the day, I wasn’t sure what the vignettes would add up to. There were shoot days and cameos I wouldn’t observe. For security reasons, the song was never played aloud. (The cast wore ear buds.) Even the hero shot, in which Swift and Hall sauntered arm in arm through the dreamscape at golden hour, was filmed in near-total silence. For weeks afterward, I tried to sleuth out a theory. I started casually. There was a “5” on the bull’s-eye, so I did a quick search to figure out what that number might mean. Immediately I was in over my head. Swift has a thing for symbols. I knew she had been embedding secret messages in liner notes and deploying metaphors as refrains since her self-titled debut in 2006—long before her megafame made her into a symbol of pop supremacy. But I hadn’t understood how coded and byzantine her body of work has become; I hadn’t learned, as Swift’s fans have, to see hidden meanings everywhere. For instance: In the 2017 video for “Look What You Made Me Do,” a headstone in a graveyard scene reads NILS SJOBERG, the pseudonym Swift used as her writing credit on Rihanna’s hit “This Is What You Came For,” a Swedish-sounding nod to that country’s pop wizards. After an excessive amount of ad hoc scholarship—a friend joked that I could have learned Mandarin in the time I spent trying to unpack Swift’s oeuvre—I was no closer to a theory. Pop music has become so layered and meta, but the Taylor Swift Universe stands apart. Apprehending it is like grasping quantum physics. My first indication of what her new album, Lover, would be about came just after midnight on June 1, the beginning of Pride Month, when Swift introduced a petition in support of the federal Equality Act. This legislation would amend the Civil Rights Act to outlaw discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation. (It has passed the House, but prospects in Mitch McConnell’s Senate are unclear.) Swift also posted a letter to Senator Lamar Alexander, Republican of Tennessee, asking him to vote yes. The request, on her personal letterhead (born in 1989. LOVES CATS.), denounced President Trump for not supporting the Equality Act. “I personally reject the president’s stance,” Swift wrote. Back in the kitchen, Swift hits play. “The first verse is about trolls and cancel culture,” she says. “The second verse is about homophobes and the people picketing outside our concerts. The third verse is about successful women being pitted against each other.” The video is, for erudite Swifties, a rich text. I had followed enough clues to correctly guess some of the other cameos—Ellen DeGeneres, RuPaul, Katy Perry. I felt the satisfaction of a gamer who successfully levels up—achievement unlocked! The video’s final frame sends viewers to Swift’s change.org petition in support of the Equality Act, which has acquired more than 400,000 signatures—including those of Cory Booker, Elizabeth Warren, Beto O’Rourke, and Kirsten Gillibrand—or four times the number required to elicit an official response from the White House. “Maybe a year or two ago, Todrick and I are in the car, and he asked me, What would you do if your son was gay?” We are upstairs in Swift’s secret garden, comfortably ensconced in a human-scale basket that is sort of shaped like a cocoon. Swift has brought up an ornate charcuterie board and is happily slathering triple-cream Brie onto sea-salt crackers. “The fact that he had to ask me … shocked me and made me realize that I had not made my position clear enough or loud enough,” she says. “If my son was gay, he’d be gay. I don’t understand the question.” I have pressed Swift on this topic, and her answers have been direct, not performative or scripted. I do sense that she enjoys talking to me about as much as she’d enjoy a root canal—but she’s unfailingly polite, and when we turn to music, her face will light up and she will add little melodic phrases to her speech, clearly her preferred language. “If he was thinking that, I can’t imagine what my fans in the LGBTQ community might be thinking,” she goes on. “It was kind of devastating to realize that I hadn’t been publicly clear about that.” I understand why she was surprised; she has been sending pro-LGBTQ signals since at least 2011. Many have been subtle, but none insignificant—especially for a young country star coming out of Nashville. In the video for her single “Mean” (from 2010’s Speak Now), we see a boy in a school locker room wearing a lavender sweater and bow tie, surrounded by football players. In “Welcome to New York,” the first track on 1989, she sings, “And you can want who you want. Boys and boys and girls and girls.” Two years later, she donated to a fund for the newly created Stonewall National Monument and presented Ruby Rose with a GLAAD Media Award. Every night of last year’s Reputation tour, she dedicated the song “Dress” to Loie Fuller, the openly gay pioneer of modern dance and theatrical lighting who captured the imagination of fin-de-siècle Paris. Swift, who has been criticized for keeping her politics to herself, first took an explicit stance a month before the 2018 midterms. On Instagram, she endorsed Democrats for the Tennessee Legislature and called out the Republican running for Senate, Marsha Blackburn. “She believes businesses have a right to refuse service to gay couples,” Swift wrote. “She also believes they should not have the right to marry. These are not MY Tennessee values.” Swift says the post was partly to help young fans understand that if they wanted to vote, they had to register. To tell them, as she puts it, “Hey, just so you know, you can’t just roll up.” Some 65,000 new voters registered in the first 24 hours after her post, according to Vote.org. Trump came to Blackburn’s defense the following day. “She’s a tremendous woman,” he told reporters. “I’m sure Taylor Swift doesn’t know anything about her. Let’s say I like Taylor’s music about 25 percent less now, OK?” In April, spurred by a raft of anti-LGBTQ bills in Tennessee, Swift donated $113,000 to the Tennessee Equality Project, which advocates for LGBTQ rights. “Horrendous,” she says of the legislation. “They don’t call it ‘Slate of Hate’ for nothing.” Swift especially liked that the Tennessee Equality Project had organized a petition of faith leaders in opposition. “I loved how smart it was to come at it from a religious perspective.” Meanwhile, the “Calm Down” video provoked a Colorado pastor to call Swift “a sinner in desperate need of a savior” and warn that “God will cut her down.” It also revived heated debate within LGBTQ communities about the politics of allyship and corporatization of Pride. Some critics argued Swift’s pro-LGBTQ imagery and lyrics were overdue and out of the blue—a reaction the new Swift scholar in me found bewildering. Had they not been paying attention? Nor did it strike me as out of character for Swift to leverage her power for a cause. She pulled her catalog from Spotify in 2014 over questions of artist compensation. She stared down Apple in 2015, when the company said it would not pay artists during the launch of its music service. (Apple reversed itself immediately.) As a condition of her record deal with Universal Music Group last year, the company promised that it would distribute proceeds from any sale of its Spotify shares to all of its artists. And this summer, Swift furiously called out Scott Borchetta, founder of Big Machine Label Group, for selling her master recordings to the music manager Scooter Braun. (When I ask Swift if she tried to get her masters from Big Machine, her whole body slumps with a palpable heaviness. “It was either investing in my past or my and other artists’ future, and I chose the future,” she says of the deal she struck with Universal.) Swift’s blunt testimony during her 2017 sexual-assault case against a radio DJ—months before the #MeToo reckoning blew open—felt deeply political to me and, I imagine, many other women. Swift accused the DJ, David Mueller, of groping her under her skirt at a photo session in 2013. Her camp reported the incident to his employer, who fired him. Mueller denied the allegation, sued Swift for $3 million, and his case was thrown out. Swift countersued for a symbolic $1 and won. In a Colorado courtroom, Swift described the incident: “He stayed latched onto my bare ass cheek” as photos were being snapped. Asked why photos of the front of her skirt didn’t show this, she said, “Because my ass is located at the back of my body.” Asked if she felt bad about the DJ’s losing his job, she said, “I’m not going to let you or your client make me feel in any way that this is my fault. Here we are years later, and I’m being blamed for the unfortunate events of his life that are the product of his decisions—not mine.” When Time included Swift on the cover of its “Silence Breakers” issue that year, the magazine asked how she felt during the testimony. “I was angry,” she said. “In that moment, I decided to forgo any courtroom formalities and just answer the questions the way it happened…I’m told it was the most amount of times the word ass has ever been said in Colorado Federal Court.” Mueller has since paid Swift the dollar—with a Sacagawea coin. “He was trolling me, implying that I was self-righteous and hell-bent on angry, vengeful feminism. That’s what I’m inferring from him giving me a Sacagawea coin,” Swift says. “Hey, maybe he was trying to do it in honor of a powerful Native American woman. I didn’t ask.” Where is the coin now? “My lawyer has it.” I ask her, why get louder about LGBTQ rights now? “Rights are being stripped from basically everyone who isn’t a straight white cisgender male,” she says. “I didn’t realize until recently that I could advocate for a community that I’m not a part of. It’s hard to know how to do that without being so fearful of making a mistake that you just freeze. Because my mistakes are very loud. When I make a mistake, it echoes through the canyons of the world. It’s clickbait, and it’s a part of my life story, and it’s a part of my career arc.” I’d argue that no heterosexual woman can listen to “You Need to Calm Down” and hear only a gay anthem. “Calm down” is what controlling men tell women who are angry, contrary, or “hysterical,” or, let’s say, fearing for their physical safety. It is what Panic! at the Disco singer Brendon Urie says to Swift in the beginning of the “ME!” music video, prompting her to scream, “Je suis calme!” I cannot believe it is a coincidence that Swift, a numbers geek with an affinity for dates, dropped the single—whose slow, incessant bass is likely to be bumping in stadiums across the world in 2020 if she goes on tour—on June 14, a certain president’s birthday. It’s enlightening to read 13 years of Taylor Swift coverage—all the big reviews, all the big profiles—in one sitting. You notice things. How quickly Swift went from a “prodigy” (The New Yorker) and a “songwriting savant” (Rolling Stone) to a tabloid fixture, for instance. Or how suspect her ambition is made to seem once she acquires real power. Other plot points simply look different in the light of #MeToo. It is hard to imagine that Swift’s songs about her exes would be reviewed as sensationally today. I wonder if, in 2019, any man would dare grab the microphone out of a young woman’s hands at an awards show. I stared into space for a good long while when I was reminded that Pitchfork did not review Taylor Swift’s 1989 but did review Ryan Adams’s cover album of Taylor Swift’s 1989. I ask Swift if she had always been aware of sexism. “I think about this a lot,” she says. “When I was a teenager, I would hear people talk about sexism in the music industry, and I’d be like, I don’t see it. I don’t understand. Then I realized that was because I was a kid. Men in the industry saw me as a kid. I was a lanky, scrawny, overexcited young girl who reminded them more of their little niece or their daughter than a successful woman in business or a colleague. The second I became a woman, in people’s perception, was when I started seeing it. “It’s fine to infantilize a girl’s success and say, How cute that she’s having some hit songs,” she goes on. “How cute that she’s writing songs. But the second it becomes formidable? As soon as I started playing stadiums—when I started to look like a woman—that wasn’t as cool anymore. It was when I started to have songs from Red come out and cross over, like ‘I Knew You Were Trouble’ and ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together.’ ” Those songs are also more assertive than the ones that came before, I say. “Yeah, the angle was different when I started saying, I knew you were trouble when you walked in. Basically, you emotionally manipulated me and I didn’t love it. That wasn’t fun for me.” I have to wonder if having her songwriting overlooked as her hits were picked apart and scrutinized wasn’t the biggest bummer of all. Swift: “I wanted to say to people, You realize writing songs is an art and a craft and not, like, an easy thing to do? Or to do well? People would act like it was a weapon I was using. Like a cheap dirty trick. Be careful, bro, she’ll write a song about you. Don’t stand near her. First of all, that’s not how it works. Second of all, find me a time when they say that about a male artist: Be careful, girl, he’ll use his experience with you to get—God forbid—inspiration to make art.” Without question the tenor of the Taylor Swift Narrative changed most dramatically in July 2016, when Kim Kardashian West called her a “snake” on Twitter, and released video clips of Swift and Kanye West discussing the lyrics to his song “Famous.” (No need to rehash the details here. Suffice it to say that Swift’s version of events hasn’t changed: She knew about some of the lyrics but not others; specifically, the words that bitch.) The posts sparked several hashtags, including #TaylorSwiftIsASnake and #TaylorSwiftIsCanceled, which quickly escalated into a months-long campaign to “cancel” Swift. To this day Swift doesn’t think people grasp the repercussions of that term. “A mass public shaming, with millions of people saying you are quote-unquote canceled, is a very isolating experience,” she says. “I don’t think there are that many people who can actually understand what it’s like to have millions of people hate you very loudly.” She adds: “When you say someone is canceled, it’s not a TV show. It’s a human being. You’re sending mass amounts of messaging to this person to either shut up, disappear, or it could also be perceived as, Kill yourself.” I get a sense of the whiplash Swift experienced when I notice that, a few months into this ordeal, while she was writing the songs that an interpolation of a ’90s camp classic, Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy.”) Nonetheless, most critics read it as a grenade lobbed in the general direction of Calabasas. One longtime Nashville critic, Brian Mansfield, had a more plausible take: She was writing sarcastically as the “Taylor Swift” portrayed in the media in a bid for privacy. “Yeah, this is the character you created for me, let me just hide behind it,” she says now of the persona she created. “I always used this metaphor when I was younger. I’d say that with every reinvention, I never wanted to tear down my house. ’Cause I built this house. This house being, metaphorically, my body of work, my songwriting, my music, my catalog, my library. I just wanted to redecorate. I think a lot of people, with Reputation, would have perceived that I had torn down the house. Actually, I just built a bunker around it.” In March, the snakes started to morph into butterflies, the vampire color palette into Easter pastels. When a superbloom of wildflowers lured a mesmerizing deluge of Painted Lady butterflies to Los Angeles, Swift marked it with an Instagram post. She attended the iHeartRadio Music Awards that night in a sequin romper and stilettos with shimmery wings attached. Swift announced the single “ME!” a month later, with a large butterfly mural in Nashville. In the music video for the (conspicuously) bubblegum song, a hissing pastel-pink snake explodes into a kaleidoscope of butterflies. One flutters by the window of an apartment, where Swift is arguing in French with Urie. A record player is playing in the background. “It’s an old-timey, 1940s-sounding instrumental version of ‘You Need to Calm Down,’ ’’ Swift says. Later, in the “Calm Down” video, Swift wears a (fake) back tattoo of a snake swarmed by butterflies. We are only two songs in, people. Lover, to be released on August 23, will have a total of 18 songs. “I was compiling ideas for a very long time,” Swift says. “When I started writing, I couldn’t stop.” (We can assume the British actor Joe Alwyn, with whom Swift has been in a relationship for nearly three years, provided some of the inspiration.) Swift thinks Lover might be her favorite album yet. “There are so many ways in which this album feels like a new beginning,” she says. “This album is really a love letter to love, in all of its maddening, passionate, exciting, enchanting, horrific, tragic, wonderful glory.” I have to ask Swift, given how genuinely at peace she seems, if part of her isn’t thankful, if not for the Great Cancellation of 2016, then for the person she now is—knowing who her friends are, knowing what’s what. “When you’re going through loss or embarrassment or shame, it’s a grieving process with so many micro emotions in a day. One of the reasons why I didn’t do interviews for Reputation was that I couldn’t figure out how I felt hour to hour. Sometimes I felt like: All these things taught me something that I never could have learned in a way that didn’t hurt as much. Five minutes later, I’d feel like: That was horrible. Why did that have to happen? What am I supposed to take from this other than mass amounts of humiliation? And then five minutes later I’d think: I think I might be happier than I’ve ever been.” She goes on: “It’s so strange trying to be self-aware when you’ve been cast as this always smiling, always happy ‘America’s sweetheart’ thing, and then having that taken away and realizing that it’s actually a great thing that it was taken away, because that’s extremely limiting.” Swift leans back in the cocoon and smiles: “We’re not going to go straight to gratitude with it. Ever. But we’re going to find positive aspects to it. We’re never going to write a thank-you note.” Though people will take the Perry-Swift burger-and-fries embrace in the “You Need to Calm Down” video as a press release that the two have mended fences, Swift says it’s actually a comment on how the media pits female pop stars against one another. After Perry sent Swift an (actual) olive branch last year, Swift asked her to be in the video: “She wrote back, This makes me so emotional. I’m so up for this. I want us to be that example. But let’s spend some time together. Because I want it to be real. So she came over and we talked for hours. “We decided the metaphor for what happens in the media,” Swift explains, “is they pick two people and it’s like they’re pouring gasoline all over the floor. All that needs to happen is one false move, one false word, one misunderstanding, and a match is lit and dropped. That’s what happened with us. It was: Who’s better? Katy or Taylor? Katy or Taylor? Katy or Taylor? Katy or Taylor? The tension is so high that it becomes impossible for you to not think that the other person has something against you.“ Meanwhile, the protesters in the video reference a real-life religious group that pickets outside Swift’s concerts, not the white working class in general, as some have assumed. “So many artists have them at their shows, and it’s such a confounding, confusing, infuriating thing to have outside of joyful concerts,” she tells me. “Obviously I don’t want to mention the actual entity, because they would get excited about that. Giving them press is not on my list of priorities.” At one point, Swift asks if I would like to hear two other songs off the new album. (Duh.) First she plays “Lover,” the title track, coproduced by Jack Antonoff. “This has one of my favorite bridges,” she says. “I love a bridge, and I was really able to go to Bridge City.” It’s a romantic, haunting, waltzy, singer-songwritery nugget: classic Swift. “My heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue,” she sings. “All’s well that ends well to end up with you.” Next, Swift cues up a track that “plays with the idea of perception.” She has often wondered how she would be written and spoken about if she were a man, “so I wrote a song called ‘The Man.’ ” It’s a thought experiment of sorts: “If I had made all the same choices, all the same mistakes, all the same accomplishments, how would it read?” Seconds later, Swift’s earpods are pumping a synth-pop earworm into my head: “I’d be a fearless leader. I’d be an alpha type. When everyone believes ya: What’s that like?” Swift wrote the first two singles with Joel Little, best known as one of Lorde’s go-to producers. (“From a pop-songwriting point of view, she’s the pinnacle,” Little says of Swift.) The album is likely to include more marquee names. A portrait of the Dixie Chicks in the background of the “ME!” video almost certainly portends a collaboration. If fans are correctly reading a button affixed to her denim jacket in a recent magazine cover, we can expect one with Drake, too. Lover. “We met at one of her shows,” says McCartney, “and then we had a girls’ night and kind of jumped straight in. In London we’ll go on walks and talk about everything—life and love.” (Swift has no further fashion ambitions at the moment. “I really love my job right now,” she tells me. “My focus is on music.”) Oh, and that “5” on the bullseye? Track five is called “The Archer.” Yet something tells me the most illuminating clue for reading both Lover and Reputationmay be Loie Fuller, the dancer to whom Swift paid homage on tour. As Swift noted on a Jumbotron, Fuller “fought for artists to own their work.” Fuller also used swirling fabric and colored lights to metamorphose onstage, playing a “hide-and-seek illusionist game” with her audience, as one writer has put it. She became a muse to the Symbolists in Paris, where Jean Cocteau wrote that she created “the phantom of an era.” The effect, said the poet Stéphane Mallarmé, was a “dizziness of soul made visible by an artifice.” Fuller’s most famous piece was “Serpentine Dance.” Another was “Butterfly Dance.” Swift has had almost no downtime since late 2017, but what little she does have is divided among New York, Nashville, Los Angeles, and Rhode Island, where she keeps homes—plus London. In an essay earlier this year, she revealed that her mother, Andrea Swift, is fighting cancer for a second time. “There was a relapse that happened,” Swift says, declining to go into detail. “It’s something that my family is going through.” Later this year, she will star in a film adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Cats as Bombalurina, the flirtatious red cat. “They made us the size of cats by making the furniture bigger,” she says. “You’d be standing there and you could barely reach the seat of a chair. It was phenomenal. It made you feel like a little kid.” But first, she will spend much of the summer holding “secret sessions”—a tradition wherein Swift invites hundreds of fans to her various homes to preview her new music. “They’ve never given me a reason to stop doing it,” she says. “Not a single one.” Speaking of: Inquiring fans will want to know if Swift dropped any more clues about how to decode Lover during this interview. For you I reviewed the audio again, and there were a few things that made my newly acquired Swifty sense tingle. At one point she compared superstardom in the digital age to life in a dollhouse, one where voyeurs “can ‘ship’ you with who they want to ‘ship’ you with, and they can ‘favorite’ friends that you have, and they can know where you are all the time.” The metaphor was precise and vivid and, well, a little too intricately rendered to be off the cuff. (Also, the “ME!” lyric: “Baby doll, when it comes to a lover. I promise that you’ll never find another like me.”) Then there was the balloon—a giant gold balloon in the shape of a numeral seven that happened to float by while we were on her roof, on this, the occasion of her seventh album. “Is it an L’?” I say. “No, because look, the string is hanging from the bottom,” she says. It might seem an obvious symbolic gesture, deployed for this interview, except for how impossible that seems. Swift let me control the timing of nearly everything. Moreover, the gold seven wasn’t floating up from the sidewalk below. It was already high in the sky, drifting slowly toward us from down the street. She would have had to control the wind, or at least to have studied it. Would Taylor Swift really go to such elaborate lengths for her fans? This much I know: Yes, she would.

#taylor swift #vogue #article

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harleenqzel · 4 years

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LANA DEL REY LYRIC MASTERLIST

Below the cut is a masterlist of lyrics from Lana Del Rey’s Various songs & albums from 2012 to 2019 ( Norman Fucking Rockwell, Lust for Life, honeymoon, Ultraviolence, Paradise, & Born to Die ). These can be used as Verse Titles, Memes, and overall Quotes/Lyrics. There are a total of ~843 different lines.

As to be expected some lyrics are explicit and contain references to drugs, alcohol, and sex among other adult themes.

NORMAN FUCKING ROCKWELL (2019)

norman fucking rockwell

You fucked me so good that I almost said, "I love you"

Cause you're just a man, It's just what you do

You talk to the walls when the party gets bored of you

Why wait for the best when I could have you?

You make me blue

mariners apartment complex

You took my sadness out of context

I ain't no candle in the wind

I'm the board, the lightning, the thunder

[i’m the] Kind of girl who's gonna make you wonder who you are and who you've been

Maybe I could save you from your sins

Kiss the sky and whisper to Jesus

You lose your way, just take my hand /You're lost at sea, then I'll command your boat to me again / Don't look too far, right where you are, that's where I am

They mistook my kindness for weakness

Catch a wave and take in the sweetness / Think about it, the darkness, the deepness

Even in the dark I feel your resistance

venice bitch

The summer fades away / Nothing gold can stay

Paint me happy and blue

If you weren't mine, I'd be jealous of your love

fuck it i love you

I like to see everything in neon

Maybe the way that I'm living is killing me

I moved to California, but it's just a state of mind / It turns out everywhere you go, you take yourself

Dream a little dream of me, make me into something sweet

Fuck it, I love you / I really do

Wish that you would hold me or just say that you were mine

If I wasn't so fucked up, I think I'd fuck you all the time

California dreamin', I got my money on my mind

Drugs is in my veins, running out of time

doin’ time

Summertime, and the livin's easy

I love her so bad, but she treats me like shit

Take this veil from off my eyes

My burning sun will, some day, rise

Ornery, scandalous and evil, most definitely

I'd like to hold her head underwater

love song

We go so fast, we don't move

I'm a star and I'm burnin' through you

Be my once in a lifetime

[I] would like to think that you would stick around

You know that I'd just die to make you proud

Touch me anywhere 'cause I'm your baby

I believe that you see me for who I am

Is it safe to just be who we are?

cinnamon girl

You try to push me out but I just find my way back in

There's things I wanna say to you / But I'll just let you live

If you hold me without hurting me, you'll be the first who ever did

Kerosene in my hands, you make me mad, I'm fire again

how to disappear

The waves came in over my head

All of the guys tell me lies, but you don't

This is how to disappear

Cuts on his face 'cause he fought too hard

He's in over his head

He moves mountains and pounds them to ground again

I think about those years

I'm always going to be right here / No one's going anywhere

california

You don't ever have to be stronger than you really are

I wanted to reach out, but I never said a thing / I wanted to call you, but I didn't say a thing

This is crazy love, I'll catch you on the flip side

We'll do whatever you want, travel wherever how far

You're scared to win, scared to lose

Changing like the weather, oh, that's so like you

the next best american record

My baby used to dance underneath my architecture

We gave all we had

'Cause we were just that good / It was just that good

Whatever's on tonight, I just wanna party with you

You made me feel like there's something that I never knew I wanted

We lost track of space / We lost track of time

It's you, all the roads lead to you

I see you for who you really are

the greatest

I miss dancin' with you

Those nights were on fire / We couldn't get higher

We didn't know that we had it all

But nobody warns you before the fall

Don't leave, I just need a wake up call

I guess I'm signin' off after all

I want shit to feel just like it used to

I guess that I'm burned out after all

"Life on Mars" ain't just a song

bartender

Sometimes girls just want to have fun

The poetry inside of me is warm like a gun

I'm just tryna keep my love alive

Hold me all night

Our love's alive

Baby remember, I'm not drinking wine

Our love's sweet enough on the vine

Wearing white for their tea parties

Meditating in the garden

I love the little games that we play

When at last the day is done / I grab my keys

They don't yet know where I reside

60 miles from the last place I hide

happiness is a butterfly

Do you want me or do you not?

I heard one thing, now I'm hearing another

Happiness is a butterfly / Try to catch it like every night

It escapes from my hands into moonlight

Every day is a lullaby

If he's a serial killer, then / what's the worst that could happen to a girl who's already hurt

I'm already hurt

I guess I'm cursed

Looking into his eyes, I think he's already hurt

Don't be a jerk, don't call me a taxi

Sitting in your sweatshirt, crying in the backseat

I was one thing, now I'm being another

I lose myself in the music

hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have - but i have it

Smiling for miles in pink dresses and high heels on white yachts

I've been tearing around in my fucking nightgown

Writing in blood on my walls

The ink in my pen don't work in my notepad

Don't ask if I'm happy / You know that I'm not

At best, I can say I'm not sad

Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have

Church basement romances

Calling from beyond the grave

Like a goddamn near sociopath

She couldn't care less, and I never cared more

There's no more to say about that

There's a new revolution / A loud evolution

Born of confusion and quiet collusion

A modern day woman with a weak constitution

I've got monsters still under my bed that I could never fight off

LUST FOR LIFE (2017)

love

Look at you kids with your vintage music

You're part of the past, but now you're the future

Signals crossing can get confusing

You get all dressed up to go nowhere in particular

Doesn't matter 'cause it's enough to be young and in love

The world is yours and you can't refuse it

Seen so much, you could get the blues but that don't mean that you should abuse it

It doesn't matter if I'm not enough / For the future or the things to come

lust for life

In these stolen moments, the world is mine

Keepin' me hot like July

We're the masters of our own fate

A lust for life keeps us alive

My boyfriend's back and he's cooler than ever

There's no more night, blue skies forever

They say only the good die young

There's no stopping now, green lights forever

13 beaches

I don't belong in the world / But that's what it is

Something separates me from other people

Everywhere I turn / There's something blocking my escape

It took thirteen beaches to find one empty

I'm camera ready almost all the time

But I still get lonely

Let your memory dance in the ballroom of my mind

It hurts to love you / But I still love you

I still love you, it's just the way I feel

I've been dying for something real

Finally I'm fine

In the white sunshine

You can still find me if you ask nicely

Underneath the pines with the daisies, feeling hazy

cherry

Real love, it's like feeling no fear / When you're standing in the face of danger

It's like heaven taking the place of something evil

I fall to pieces when I'm with you

And all of my peaches are ruined

It's like smiling when the firing squad's against you / And you just stay lined up

My rose garden dreams, set on fire by fiends

And all my black beaches are ruined

white mustang

Packing all my things for the summer

Lying on my bed it's a bummer / 'Cause I didn't call when I got your number

But I liked you a lot

Slippin' on my dress in soft filters

Everybody said you're a killer, but I couldn't stop the way I was feeling

Caught up in my dreams and forgetting

I've been acting like armageddon ['cause you] Held me in your arms just a little too tight

Summer's meant for loving and leaving

I was such a fool for believing / that you could change all the ways you've been living

You're gonna hit me like lightening

summer bummer

It's never too late to be who you wanna be

Leave if you wanna leave / Stay if you wanna stay

I got a feeling in my bones / Can't get you out of my veins

You can't escape my affection

Wrap you up in my daisy chains

Let's skip the games, let's quit the playin'

Between you and me I'm usually single

White lies and black beaches

Miles in between us

We traveled for weeks, just to escape your demons

groupie love

You're in the bar, playing guitar / You're in the club, living it up

It's so sweet, swingin' to the beat

I know that you're doing it all for me

Every time you look up I know what you're thinking of

Time after time, writing my lines

This is my life, you by my side

Key lime and perfume and festivals

Taking our dreams, turning them to things

It's like magic, babe, isn't life wonderful?

in my feelings

I'm smoking while I'm runnin' on my treadmill

I'm cutting up roses, could it be that I fell for another loser

I'm crying while I'm cummin' / Sobbin' in my cup of coffee

Get that cigarette smoke out of my face

You've been wasting my time

Talk that talk, well now they all know your name

There's no coming back from the place that you came

You got me in my feelings

Talking in my sleep again

Who's tougher than this bitch

I'm feeling all my fucking feelings

I'm laughing as I'm taking my prisoners

In the smoke they can hear me coming

If you were me, and I was you / I'd get out of my way

Got me feeling so blue make a mess of the love

coachella - woodstock in my mind

For a minute it was Woodstock in my mind

They put out the warning tensions were rising over country lines

I turned off the music tried to sit and use it

All of the love that I saw that night

What about all these children and what about all their parents

What about about all their crowns they wear

Wrapped up like garland roses 'round their little heads

I'd trade it all for a stairway to heaven

I'd trade the fame and the fortune and the legend

Critics can be so mean sometimes

Doesn't take a genius to know what you've got going and to

Got a million things I wanna say

What is it all for? Will it be okay

god bless america - and all the beautiful women in it

Take me as I am

Only you can save me tonight

There's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide

You let me in, don't leave me out or leave me dry

Even when I'm alone i’m not lonely

I hear the sweetest melodies on the fire escapes of the city

God bless America, and all the beautiful women in it

Take me as I am don't see me for what I'm not

With you I've got nothing to lose

when you talk that talk with those lips I'm most certain in hell

when the world was at war we kept dancing

Don't forget your pearls and all of your horses

As you make your way across the pond, don't forget your curls

Memorize them in a little song

Shake it up, throw your hands up and get loose

Is it the end of an era?

It's only the beginning

If we hold on to hope we'll have a happy ending

If you find you're in a foreign land don't make too much noise

Don't try to be funny / Other people may not understand

beautiful people beautiful problems

Blue is the color of the planet from the view above

Long live our reign, long live our love

Green is the planet from the eyes of a turtle dove / 'Til it runs red, runs red with blood

We get so tired and we complain 'bout how it's hard to live

But we're just beautiful people with beautiful problems

Warm is the body of the girl from the land he loves

My heart is soft, my past is rough

Something close to like a sugar rush

But is it wasted love? / It's not wasted love

But we gotta try every day and night

tomorrow never came

Hey, what you doing?

Baby don't ask me why

On that side of paradise

If I had my way you'd would always stay

I'll be your tiny dancer, honey

I waited for you / In the spot you said to wait

In the city, on a park bench in the middle of the pouring rain

I just wanted things to be the same / You said to meet me out there tomorrow but tomorrow never came

I wish we had stayed home

I could put on the radio to our favourite song

heroin

The rumbling from distant shores sends me to sleep

The facts of life can sometimes make it hard to dream

Grab me by the ribbons in my hair

Life rocked me, ultra-softly like the heavy metal that you wear

Flying to the moon again / Dreaming about heroin

Probably gave you everything And took your life away

I put you on an aeroplane destined for a foreign land

My hopes that you come back again / And tell me everything's Okay

I want to leave, I'll probably stay another year / It's hard to live when absolutely nothing's clear

Something 'bout this weather made these kids go crazy / Something 'bout this sun has made these kids get scary

I'll be lying if I said I wasn't sick of it

Taking all my medicine to take my thoughts away

I hope that I'd come back one day

Don't know what it is that makes my head get crazy

change

There's something in the wind I can feel it blowing in

Lately I've been thinking it's just someone else's job to care

Who am I to sympathize when no one gave a damn?

Change is a powerful thing people are powerful beings

Maybe by the time this song is done I'll be able to be honest, capable

Holding you in my arms without letting you fall / When I don't feel beautiful

Maybe it's enough to just be where we are because

Everytime that we run we don't know what it's from

There's something in the water I can taste it turning sour / It's bitter, I'm coughing but now it's in my blood

get free

Finally, I'm crossing the threshold / From the ordinary world to the reveal of my heart

Take the dead out of the sea and the darkness from the arts

I'm doing it for all of us

All my birds of paradise who never got to fly at night

It feels like I've got a war in my mind, I want to get off but I keep riding the ride

I never really notice that I had to decide to play someone's game or to live my own life and now I do

Out of the black, Into to the blue

Gone is the burden of the crawling way of being

We're not in your right mind

There's no more chasing rainbows / Their arches are illusions

You try to touch them, there's nothing to hold on to

HONEYMOON (2015)

honeymoon

Don't go 'cause truly there's nobody for you but me

We could cruise to the blues

The history of violence that surrounds you

There's nothing to lose now that I've found you

There are violets in your eyes / There are guns that blaze around you / There are roses in between my thighs

music to watch boys to

Singing soft grunge just to soak up the noise

I've been sent to destroy

I know what only the girls know

Lies can buy you eternity

terrence loves you

I don't matter to anyone

I lost myself when I lost you

I won't change you for anything

Isn't strange that you're not here with me

I know the light's on in the television

god knows i tried

Sometimes I wake up in the morning, To red, blue, and yellow skies / It's so crazy I could drink it like tequila sunrise

Dance around like I'm insane

I feel free when I see no one, and nobody knows my name

God knows I live / God knows I died / God knows I begged, borrowed and cried /God knows I loved / God know I lied /God knows I lost / God gave me life / And God knows I tried

Sometimes I wake up in the morning, to red, blue and yellow lights

On Monday they destroyed me, but by Friday I'm revived

I've got nothing much to live for

Light up my life

high by the beach

Look at you looking at me

I know you know how I feel

Loving you is hard, being here is harder

I don't wanna do this anymore, it's so surreal

I can't survive if this is all that's real

All I wanna do is get high by the beach

The truth is I never bought into your bullshit

You could be a bad motherfucker / But that don't make you a man

Now you're just another one of my problems / Because you got out of hand

We won't survive we're sinking into the sand

Don't need your money to get me what I want, i’ll do it on my own

Everyone can start again

Not through love but through revenge

Through the fire, we're born again

Peace by vengeance brings the end

freak

Flames so hot that they turn blue

Palms reflecting in your eyes, like an endless summer

That's the way I feel for you

If time stood still I'd take this moment, make it last forever

Screw your anonymity

Loving me is all you need to feel

Talk till we both turn blue

Life makes sense when I'm with you

Looking back, my past, it all seems stranger than a stranger

It's like I told you, If you stay, I'll stay

art deco

You're not mean, you just want to be seen

Want to be wild

A little party never hurt no one

You want in but you just can't win

Shining like gun metal, cold and unsure

When they all say hello you try to ignore them

You put your life out on the line

religion

Everything is fine now

Let's sleep in the dark's day

All our minds made up now, all our beds are made

No one's out of time, no chips fall wherever they may

Leave it all behind, let the ocean wash it away

It never was about the money or the drugs / It never was about the party or the clubs

'Cause you're my religion, you're how I'm living

When I'm down on my knees, you're how I pray

Hallelujah, I need your love

Everything is bright now no more cloudy days

Even when the storms come, in the eye we'll stay

No need to survive now, all we do is play

salvatore

Everything looks better from above my king

Like aqua marine, ocean's blue

All the lights are sparkling for you it seems

I adore you, can't you see, you're meant for me?

Summer's hot but I've been cold without you

the blackest day

I don't really wanna break up

It's not easy for me to talk about a half-life in lost dreams

And not simple, it's trigonometry

It's hard to express I can't explain

Ever since my baby went away it's been the blackest day

Because I'm going deeper and deeper, getting darker and darker

don't wanna talk about the things to come

Looking for love in all the wrong places

I got you where I want you

I'm falling for forever

I'm playing head games with you

There's only 24 hours in a day, and half as many ways for you to lie to me

Half of those, you lay awake with thoughts of murder and carnage

If you lie down with dogs, then you'll get fleas

Be careful of the company you keep

Lie like you lie

Love like you love

There's only 24 hours in a day and half of those you lay between the sheets with me

Give me your heat

Give me your diamonds

And my crooked lust

You count to three while they're all dying

You're hard to reach

You're cold to touch

swan song

Why work so hard when you could just be free?

You got your moment now, you got your legacy

Let's leave the world for the ones who change everything

Nothing could stop the two of us

Let's just get lost, that's what we want

With just one wave it goes away

Dive in, dive deep in dark blue suede

Rushing up from the water where the ice meets

And you've been gone so long, you missed everything

Say good night to the life in the world we live

don’t let me be misunderstood

Don't you know no one alive can always be an angel?

When everything goes wrong, you see some bad

But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good

Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

Sometimes again it seems that all I have is worry

I want you to know I never meant to take it out on you

Life has its problems and I get more than my share

Baby, I'm just human

Don't you know I have faults like anyone?

ULTRAVIOLENCE (2014)

cruel world

Share my body and my mind with you

There's not anymore I can do

And I like my candy and your women

I'm finally happy now that you're gone

Because you're young, you're wild, you're free

You're dancing circles around me

You're fucking crazy

I love your women and all of your heroin

Everybody knows that I'm a mess

ultraviolence

I was filled with poison but blessed with beauty and rage

He hit me and it felt like a kiss

This is ultraviolence

I can hear sirens

He used to call me poison, like I was poison ivy

I could've died right then

He hurt me but it felt like true love

[Jim] taught me that loving him was never enough

Crying tears of gold, like lemonade

shades of cool

My baby lives in shades of blue

And when he calls he calls for me, not for you

I can't fix him, can't make him better

I can't do nothing about his strange weather

I can't break through your world

Your heart is unbreakable

He prays for love, he prays for peace

brooklyn baby

They say I'm too young to love you

I don't know what I need

They think I don't understand

I think I'm too cool to know ya

You say I'm like the ice I freeze

You say I'm too dumb to see

They judge me like a picture book, by the colors, like they forgot to read

I think we're like fire and water / I think we're like the wind and sea

If you don't like it you can beat it

You never liked the way I said it

If you don't get it, then forget it so I don't have to fucking explain it

I get high on hydroponic weed

Yeah my boyfriend's pretty cool but he's not as cool as me

west coast

That's why I'm leaving you for the music

I push it hard you pull away

I'm feeling hotter than fire

There's no one else that brings me higher than higher

You say you miss me and I wanna say I miss you so much but something keeps me really quiet

sad girl

It might not appeal to fools like you

He's got the fire and he walks with fame

Being a bad bitch on the side

We've been around when he gets high

pretty when you cry

All the pretty stars shine for you

Am I the girl that you dream of?

You make me feel like your whole world

I'll wait for you, babe, that's all I do

I'm pretty when I cry

All those special times I spent with you, my love, they don't mean shit compared to all your drugs

Like my memories, I don't need that

Don't say you need me when you're leaving

money power glory

How are we supposed to get there

That's not what this bitch wants

I want money, power and glory

I wanna take you for all that you got

The sun also rises on those who fail to call

My life, it comprises of losses and wins and fails and falls

fucked my way up to the top

Lay me down tonight in my linen and curls

I fucked my way up to the top

This is my show

I'm a dragon, you're a whore

Mimicking me is a fucking bore to me

Lay me down tonight in my diamonds and pearls

Tell me songs at night about your favorite girl

Need you baby, like I breathe you

old money

Where have you been? Where did you go?

Those summer nights seem long ago

But if you send for me, you know I'll come / And if you call for me, you know I'll run

Sunsets, small town, I'm out of time

Will you still love me when I shine from words but not from beauty

My father's love was always strong / My mother's glamour lives on and on

Yet still inside, I felt alone for reasons unknown to me

black beauty

I paint my nails black / I dye my hair a darker shade of brown

I paint the sky black

It suits the mood of your soul

Nothing, my sparrow blue

Life is beautiful but you don't have a clue It don't make sense to you

Paint the house black

My wedding dress black leather, too

You have no room for light

Love is lost on you

I keep my lips red, they seem like cherries in the spring

Darling, you can't let everything seem so dark blue

guns and roses

Heavy metal love of mine

I should have learned to let you stay

You didn't want me all the time but you were worth it anyway

You were so much better than the rest of them

Out of all the others you were the honest man

I should have learned to let you play

I wasn't the marrying kind I should have done it anyway

Back to the promised land

I can feel it coming in the air tonight

I can see you bathing in the summer light

You got game boy

florida kilos

They're special, just for you

Loving you is free

I like it down way low

Prison isn't nothing to me, if you'll be by my side

Sun in my mouth and gold hoops

We could get high in Miami

PARADISE (2012)

ride

I've been out on that open road

Singing blues has been getting old

You can be my full time, baby, Hot or cold

Don't break me down

I've been travelin' too long, I've been trying too hard

I hear the birds on the summer breeze, I drive fast / I am alone in the night

Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble, but I've got a war in my mind

So, I just ride

Dying young and I'm playing hard

Drink all day and we talk 'til dark / That's the way the road doves do it, ride 'til dark

I'm tired of feeling like I'm fucking crazy / I'm tired of driving 'till I see stars in my eyes

I look up to hear myself saying, baby

american

Play house, put my favorite record on

Flirting with the girls like you're so pretty

You make me crazy, you make me wild

Be young, be dope be proud

Drive fast, I can almost taste it now

I don't even have to fake it now

You're way ahead of the trend

Honey put on that party dress

I don't really want the rest, only you can take me there

I don't even know what I'm saying but I'm praying for you

cola

My pussy tastes like Pepsi Cola / My eyes are wide like cherry pies

I got sweet taste for men who're older /It's always been so it's no surprise

We can escape to the great sunshine

I know your wife and she wouldn't mind

I wear my diamonds on skid row

I pledge allegiance to my dad, for teaching me everything he knows

Don't treat me rough, treat me really nice

body electric

Jesus is my bestest friend

We don't need nobody, 'cause we got each other / Or at least I pretend

We get down every Friday night

Mary prays the rosary for my broken mind

I sing the body electric / I’m on fire

My clothes still smell like you and all the photographs say you're still young

I pretend I'm not hurt and go about the world like I'm havin' fun

blue velvet

She wore blue velvet / Bluer than velvet was the night

Softer than satin was the light From the stars

Warmer than may her tender sighs

Ours a love I held tightly

Feeling the rapture grow like a flame burning brightly

But when she left, gone was the glow

I still can see blue velvet through my tears

gods & monsters

In the land of gods and monsters

I was an angel living in the garden of evil

Screwed up, scared, doing anything that I needed

Shining like a fiery beacon

You got that medicine I need / Fame, liquor, love, give it to me slowly

Put your hands on my waist, do it softly

Me and God, we don't get along

No one's gonna take my soul away

Headed towards a fucked up holiday

Fuck yeah give it to me, this is heaven, what I truly want

It's innocence lost

I was an angel, lookin' to get fucked hard

Life imitates art

Dope, shoot it up straight to the heart please

I don't really wanna know what's good for me

God's dead, I said 'baby that's alright with me'

When you talk it's like a movie and you're making me crazy

If I get a little prettier, can I be your baby?

You tell me life isn't that hard

yayo

I like the snake on your tattoo

I like the Ivy and the Ink blue

You have to take me right now / From this dark trailer park

Put me onto your black motorcycle

Fifties baby doll dress for my 'I do"

It only takes two hours to Nevada

I wear your sparkle

You call me your mama, Let me put on a show for you daddy

Let me put on a show

Need you like a drug

Hello Heaven / You are a tunnel lined with yellow lights

bel air

Gargoyles standing at the front of your gate

Trying to tell me to wait, but I can't wait to see you

So I run, like I'm mad, to heaven's door / I don't wanna be bad

I won't cheat you no more

I've been waiting to meet you / Darling I'm waiting to greet you

The violentest kind of love anywhere out there

Mon amour, sweet child of mine, You're divine

Didn't anyone ever tell you / It's okay to shine?

Don't be ashamed / Walk in the way of my soft resurrection

I know your name

Lead me to war with your brilliant direction

Grenadine sunshine, and it fades sublime

BORN TO DIE (2012)

born to die

Feet don't fail me now, take me to your finish line

My heart it breaks every step that I take

I'm hoping that the gates, they'll tell me that you're mine

Walking through the city streets / Is it by mistake or design?

I feel so alone on a Friday night /Can you make it feel like home if I tell you you're mine?

Don't make me sad, don't make me cry

Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don't know why

Keep making me laugh / Let's go get high

The road is long, we carry on / Try to have fun in the meantime

Come take a walk on the wild side

Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain

You like your girls insane

Choose your last words, this is the last time

Lost but now I am found / I can see but once I was blind

I was so confused as a little child

Tried to take what I could get / Scared that I couldn't find All the answers

off to the races

I can't deny the way he holds my hand and he grabs me / He has me by my heart

He loves me with every beat of his cocaine heart

Swimming pool Glimmering darling / White bikini off with my red nail polish

Watch me in the swimming pool bright blue ripples

Light of my life, fire in my loins / Be a good baby, do what I want

Gimme them gold coins, gimme them coins

Facing time again at Riker's Island and I won't get out / Because I'm crazy, baby

I need you to come here and save me

I'm your little scarlet, starlet, singing in the garden / Kiss me on my open mouth, ready for you

But he got a soul as sweet as blood red jam

And he shows me, he knows me, every inch of my tar black soul

He doesn't mind I have a flat broke down life / In fact he says he thinks it's what he might like about me

Slipping on my red dress, putting on my make up / Glass film, perfume, cognac, lilac fumes

Says it feels like heaven to him

I'm gonna stay and pray with him till the end

I trust in the decision of the law, to watch over us

I'm not afraid to say that I'd die without him / Who else is gonna put up with me this way?

I need you, I breathe you, I'll never leave you

They would rue the day, I was alone without you

You're lying with your gold chain on, cigar hanging from your lips

blue jeans

Walked into the room you know you made my eyes burn

But you fit me better than my favorite sweater

That love is mean, and love hurts

I still remember that day we met in December

I will love you 'til the end of time / I would wait a million years

Promise you'll remember that you're mine

Baby can you see through the tears?

When you walked out that door, a piece of me died

I just want it like before

video games

Pull up in your fast car whistling my name

It's you, it's you, it's all for you

I heard that you like the bad girls honey, is that true?

Swinging with the old stars, living for the fame

Kissing in the blue dark

He holds me in his big arms / Drunk and I am seeing stars

diet mountain dew

You're no good for me but baby, I want you

Do you think we'll be in love forever?

Baby, put on heart shaped sunglasses, 'Cause we gonna take a ride

I'm not gonna listen to what the past says

I've been waiting up all night

Take another drag, turn me to ashes

Maybe I like this roller coaster, maybe it keeps me high

Can we hit it now low down and gritty

national anthem

Money is the anthem of success/Money is the reason we exist

He says to "be cool" but, I don't know how yet

Tell me I'm your National Anthem

Summer's in the air and baby, heaven's in your eyes

I'm standing over your body, hold you like a python

You said to "be cool" but, I'm already coolest

Do you think you'll buy me lots of diamonds?

Overdose and dyin' on our drugs and our love and our dreams

God can only, I need somebody to hold me

Boy you have landed in the land of sweetness and danger

dark paradise

All my friends tell me I should move on

I'm lying in the ocean, singing your song

Loving you forever, can't be wrong

Even though you're not here, won't move on

there's no remedy for memory your face is like a melody, it won't leave my head

Your soul is hunting me and telling me that everything is fine / But I wish I was dead

Every time I close my eyes it's like a dark paradise

No one compares to you

I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side

When you find true love it lives on

There's no you, except in my dreams tonight

There's no relief, I see you in my sleep

Everybody's rushing me, but I can feel you touching me

radio

Not even they can stop me now

Their heavy words can't bring me down

Boy I've been raised from the dead

No one even knows how hard life was

I don't even think about it now because i've finally found you

Now my life is sweet like cinnamon / Like a fucking dream I'm living in

Baby love me cause I'm playing on the radio

Pick me up and take me like a vitamin

'Cause my body's sweet like sugar venom

I heard the streets were paved with gold

How do you like me now?

carmen

It's alarming, honestly how charming she can be

You don't want to be like me, don't wanna see all the things I've seen

The boys, the girls, they all like [Carmen]

She gives them butterflies, bats her cartoon eyes /She laughs like God, her mind's like a diamond

Only seventeen, but she walks the streets so mean

It's alarming, truly, how disarming you can be

Relying on the kindness of strangers

Tyin' cherry knots, smilin', doin' party favors

Put your red dress on, put your lipstick on

million dollar man

You said I was the most exotic flower

Holding me tight in our final hour

I don't know what you do, it's unbelievable

Someone as dangerous, tainted and flawed as you

I love you honey, I'm ready, I'm ready to go

How did you get that way, I don't know

You're screwed up and brilliant, and look like a million dollar man

So why is my heart broke?

You got the world but baby at what price

It isn't that hard [boy] to like you or love you

If you're going crazy just grab me and take me, i’d follow you down

summertime sadness

Dancin' in the dark in the pale moonlight

High heels off, I'm feelin' alive

Cruisin' down the coast, goin' about 99

Got my bad baby by my heavenly side

I know if I go, I'll die happy tonight

Oh my God, I feel it in the air

Telephone wires above are sizzlin' like a snare

Honey I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere

Nothin' scares me anymore

Think I'll miss you forever, like the stars miss the sun in the mornin' sky

Kiss me hard before you go

I'm feelin' electric tonight

I got that summertime sadness

this is what makes us girls

Remember how we used to party up all night?

Sneaking out and looking for a taste of real life

Drinking in the small town firelight

Teachers said we'd never make it out alive

She starts to cry, mascara running down her little Bambi eyes

We all look for heaven and we put love first

Don't cry about him

That's where the beginning of the end begun

Everybody knew that we had too much fun

We were skipping school and drinking on the job with the boss

Baby's table dancing at the local dive

Drinking cherry schnapps in the velvet night

Screaming, "Get us while we're hot, get us while we're hot"

A freshmen generation of degenerate beauty queens

Crying 'cause I know I'm never coming back

without you

Everything I want I have

I even think I found God in the flashbulbs of the pretty cameras

Hello, hello ca-can you hear me?

You're so good, your love is deadly

Tell me life is beautiful

They all think I have it all

I'm nothing, without you

All my dreams, and all the lights mean nothing without you

My life is sweet like vanilla is

Gold and silver line my heart

Can you picture it babe the life we could've lived?

Boy, you're so dope

We were two kids, just tryin' to get out

Live on the dark side of the American dream

We would dance all night, play our music loud

When we grew up, nothing was what it seemed

lolita

Would you be mine / Would you be my baby tonight

Could be kissing my fruit punch lips in the bright sunshine

'Cause I like you quite a lot, everything you got don't you know

It's you that I adore,[though] / I make the boys fall like dominoes

Kiss me in thedark tonight

I know what the boys want, I'm not gonna play

Never was in love, skipping heart beats with the boys downtown

Topple you down from your sky forty stories high

Shining like a god, can't believe I got you inside

I want to have fun and be in love with you

I know that I'm a mess with my long hair and my suntan, short dress, bare

I don't care what they say about me, what they say about me

You make me happy

lucky ones

Let's get out of this town, baby we're on fire

Everyone around here wants to be going down

If you stick with me, I can take you higher, and higher

It feels like all of our friends are lost / Nobody's found, found,

I got so scared, I thought no one could save me

Every now and then, the stars align / Boy and girl meet by the great design

Could it be that you and me are the lucky ones?

Everybody told me love was blind / Then I saw your face and you blew my mind

Boy get into my car, got a bad desire

You know that we'll never leave if we don't get out now

You're a careless con and you're a crazy liar

But baby, nobody can compare to the way you get down

Tried so hard to act nice like a lady / You taught me that it was good to be crazy

Feels like Falling in love for the first time

SINGLES

burning desire

Every Saturday night I get dressed up to ride for you, baby

I drive fast, wind in my hair, push it to the limits 'cause I just don't care

You ask me where I've been? I been everywhere

I don't wanna be no where but here

I've got a burning desire for you

Every Saturday night I seem to come alive for you

Your hands were on my hips, your name is on my lips

Over over again, like my only prayer

dont’ call me angel

Boy, don't call me angel, you ain't got me right

I appreciate the way you watch me, I can't lie

I fell from Heaven, now I'm living like a devil

You can't get me off your mind, I appreciate the way you want me

god save our young blood

Damn, look at the sunrise / Glowing finish line

Made it in record time, hey, baby, we made it

My head's faded, headlights dilated

Baptized in blue skies

Roll the window down, reach out, feel around for new life

Damn, you and those green eyes

We can never stop movin', we see nothin' but the green lights

God save our young blood

Climbed up the tree of life, kicked out of paradise

Living good, doing evil is the toss of the dice

She's an angel and a devil of her own device

Baby save me one last sip while you strip on the beach

I'll save you in the waves if you swim too deep

looking for america

Took a trip to San Francisco, didn't work, so I left for Fresno

Pulled over to watch the children in the park / We used to only worry about them after dark

No bombs in the sky, only fireworks when you and I collide

It's just a dream I had in mind

That's another place and time

So many things that I think twice about before I do now

once upon a time

I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream

I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam

I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem

But if I know you, I know what you'll do

You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream

season of the witch

When I look out my window, many sights to see

So many different people to be

When I look over my shoulder what do you think I see?

Oh no, must be the season of the witch

shades of cool

My baby lives in shades of blue / Blue eyes and jazz and attitude

When he calls, he calls for me, not for you

He lives for love / He loves his drugs, he loves his baby too

But I can't fix him, can't make him better

And I can't do nothing about his strange weather

You are unfixable, I can't break through your world

He prays for love, he prays for peace

Your heart is unbreakable

you must love me

This isn't where we intended to be

We had it all, you believed in me, I believed in you

Certainties disappear

What do we do for our dreams to survive? /How do we keep all our passions alive

Deep in my heart, I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say

Scared to confess, what I'm feeling frightened you'll slip away

How can I be, any use to you now?

Give me a chance, and I'll let you see how / Nothing has changed

young and beautiful

I've seen the world, done it all

Hot summer nights, mid July when you and I were forever wild

Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful? / Will you still love me when I've got nothing but my aching soul?

I've seen the world, lit it up as my stage now

Hot summer days, rock and roll the way you play for me at your show

And all the ways, I got to know your pretty face and electric soul

Dear lord, when I get to heaven, please let me bring my man

All that grace, all that body, all that face, makes me wanna party

He's my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds

#ask meme #ask memes #lyrics masterlist #verse masterlist #verse titles #masterlist #quotes

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fatehbaz · 4 years

Text

Ghosts in the Caribbean: Daytime. (Part 1: Night.)

In the liminal spaces teeming with supernatural beings of contemporary Caribbean ghost stories -- among them ... loup-garous, bacoos, duppies ... soucouyants -- [...] darkness [can be] a quintessential ghostly threshold, a terrain where the dark night has come to be associated with the horrors of colonialism, slavery, violence, and the plantation. [...] What happens to the Caribbean ghost tale when the spectres of history are forced into the light of day? [...] It allows for a ghost story that opens with the affirmation: “in the beginning, there was laughter”, as in Jamaican writer Marcia Douglas’s Madam Fate (1999).

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The relationship between ghosts or spirits and darkness in contemporary Caribbean fiction, however, has shifted partly as a result of profound changes in regional conditions -- political as well as infrastructural. Ever-present electrical lighting, for example, has transformed nocturnal Caribbean landscapes, particularly during the last three decades, altering the cultural tenets and meanings linked to light and darkness. [...] Complete darkness has become elusive, rarified, changing the context [...]. In places now flooded with electrical light, the uncanny has been freed from the darkness, emerging into the light, both expanding and transforming the realm of the ghost story.

Perhaps the best example of this transformation is [...] in “Teresa Irene” (1989) a short story by Dominican writer Angela Hernandez Nunez, from her collection Alotropos. [...] Hernandez offers a version of the story as a poetic tale of horror centered on the luring of a young girl into a river pool whose bed was “traversed by underwater currents forming treacherous whirlpools [...].” The first time she hears the call of the river and dives into the pool she is rescued [...]. Protected for years by her family from the allure of the pool, her eyes display the color of the rainbow [...]. When Teresa Irene finally disappears into the pool [...] and consecrated to the rainbow to mark her transformation, we learn it has been the thirsty light, which had gone to the pool for a drink of water “and resolved to remain dressed in the eyes of a girl called Teresa Iren [...].” In this story the transformation of light into the source of horror marks a new direction [...]. The space of horror, the luminous pool, is superficially Eden-like [...].

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Teresa Irene finds a strange counterpart in another child at the centre of a haunting tale: Margaret, the eavesdropping narrator of Denise Harris’s Web of Secrets (1996, Guyana). Set in Guyana in the 1960s, the novel explores the tangle of family secrets -- slavery ... physical and emotional abuse ... racism -- that young Margaret believes must come out in the open if the family is to survive. [...] Margaret’s tale is of interest in [this] context because [...] she seeks to improve the family’s precarious finances with the help of a baku or bacoo. A folkloric figure of West African provenance [...].

Bacoo are a common element in recent Guyanese fiction focusing on the supernatural, albeit through reinterpretations that move away from the quintessentially folkloric figures of Web of Secrets, linking it to the brutal history of Dutch planters and gold prospectors in Suriname and Guyana. In many of these tales the power of the bacoo-like spirits is linked to colonial violence, brutality [...]. Such is the case of Peter Hill’s The Bacoo (1998), where an entity released from an old rum bottle takes control of the body and spirit of the suburban Toronto housewife [...]. The impact of this possession is underscored by its setting in a modern suburban home in lovely summer weather, where the space of deepest darkness is the family’s car garage. The complex tale moves between the light and modernity of Toronto and the darkness of the Guyanese bush [...]. Hill’s interpretation of the bacoo resonates against similar “possessing” figure in Raywat Deonandan’s “Children of the Melange” (from his 1999 collection Sweet Like Saltwater), the story of a young boy who, uncorking a bottle found on the beach, is possessed by the ghost of an old Dutchman. (Bacoo bottles are often thrown into rivers or the ocean, and Guyanese folklore warns against uncorking bottles found in water). [...]

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The transformative power of light as it enters the Caribbean ghost story has led to sweeping reimaginings of the nature and significance of the ghostly and the terrifying in Caribbean literature. It allows for a ghost story that opens with the affirmation: “in the beginning, there was laughter”, as in Jamaican writer Marcia Douglas’s Madam Fate (1999). [...] Douglas’s approach to ghosts in her lyrical novel about women attuned to the voices of the surrounding spirits is deeply rooted in ways of confronting [...] trauma [...]. The confrontation involves a process of reinterpretation, or reimagining and recontextualizing. Listening in the darkness for the sound of a rolling calf -- the duppy of a person known for his wickedness when alive -- Ida envisages the quintessential sounds: “his chain dragging, dragging, dragging behind him all restless-like on the ground.” Her heart open to the anticipated noises, when the rolling calf finally materializes, it comes with a startling revelation: “The sound this chain making, dragging through the mango walk, did have a kind of sadness to it -- a loneliness, you know what I mean? And after I calm down and listen good, is as if something grab at my heart-ears and a feeling overtake me in the bed, and I knew this calf was not a wicked calf at all, not at all.”

The episode of the rolling calf sets the stage for the invention of a world in which Madame Fate lives in the light of her garden surrounded by duppies ensconed in calabashes [...]. The image closes a representational circle that began in the fluid darkness [...] and ends in a Jamaican garden in which the spirits find solace for loss and pain in the light of day, the light in which a rolling calf can be recognized for what it truly is -- an adolescent boy fleeing from violence and abuse. “There is laughter which comes from so far”, Douglas writes, and “only those ears sensitive to high frequency can hear it” once the threshold from darkness to light has been crossed and fear has no dominion.

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Lizabeth Paravisini-Gebert. “The Ghost and the Darkness: Creole Hauntings in Caribbean Literature.” (Proof version). 2017.

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letterboxd · 4 years

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Best of the Fests 2020.

From 17th-century werewolves to WWII gremlins to present-day nomads, the stripped-back, mostly virtual 2020 fall festivals still managed to bring the goods. Our team rounds up the very best titles we saw at TIFF, NYFF, the BFI London Film Festival and beyond.

LISTEN: Gemma Gracewood and Ella Kemp chew over their festival favorites in the latest episode of The Letterboxd Show.

Kudos to the teams at the Toronto, New York and BFI London Film Festivals for pulling excellent hybrid festivals together in extremely weird, not-at-all-ideal circumstances. From the always-excellent conversations (and Cameron Bailey’s always-excellent suits) to the hybrid options for viewing, we left feeling hope for our favorite art form.

We have been keeping track, over on our Twitter account, of the many film festivals going online, and it’s safe to say that virtual film festivals—and the wider accessibility they offer—have been a silver lining to this mostly awful year. Indeed, the 58th NYFF was one of Film at Lincoln Center’s most-attended festivals, with 70,000+ attendees in all 50 states and beyond. (We participated in a NYFF Industry Talk, along with MUBI and Rotten Tomatoes, about the future of online film conversation, moderated by Indiewire’s David Ehrlich.)

Attempting to replicate the extreme fatigue of the real thing, our festival team (Ella Kemp, Aaron Yap, Kambole Campbell, Jack Moulton and Gemma Gracewood and—helping us bridge the geo-locked divide—Canadian TIFF regular Jonathan White) disregarded international date lines and dove right in. We saw many films to love, but by consensus (and a poke around your Letterboxd reactions) these are the ones we’re still thinking about.

Lovers Rock Directed by Steve McQueen, written by McQueen and Courttia Newland. The ‘Small Axe’ anthology will be released on a weekly rollout on Amazon Prime Video beginning November 20 with ‘Mangrove’, then ‘Lovers Rock’, ‘Red, White and Blue’, ‘Alex Wheatle’ and finally ‘Education’. Seen at: NYFF, BFI London Film Festival.

Lovers Rock, the first part of Steve McQueen’s ambitious, multi-part film project Small Axe, feels like a massive stylistic departure for the filmmaker, in a manner that completely transfixes and astounds. It’s no wonder that this one turned heads at multiple festivals, as it’s immediately warmer, more freewheeling and sensual than any other McQueen work. It’s defined by a hypnotic focus on sound and touch, represented in its earliest scenes with a tactile close-up of a heated comb working its way through hair, and later with its focus on hands wrapped around shoulders, moving across shirts and dresses, people joining together and/or colliding through song and dance. Despite being made for television, it’s astounding how little Lover’s Rock feels that way. Often impressionistic and unbound to the kind of urgency or efficiency that naturally comes with having to adhere to a time-slot, it simply rests in the moment. With the seismic protests being undertaken by Black people this year, Lovers Rock feels like more than welcome respite from a hateful populace—visually rich, gorgeously soundtracked Black joy and love. Also, man, those shirts are incredible. —KC

Nomadland Written and directed by Chloé Zhao. In US theaters December 4. Seen at: TIFF, NYFF, BFI London Film Festival.

“I am already convinced that Chloé Zhao deserves the whole world,” writes Jaime of Nomadland, the TIFF People’s Choice winner. Personal security is something we don’t think about on a daily basis. We have shelter, we can buy food, anything else is bonus. But what if those two basic tenets vanish? While the global financial crisis affected all in 2008, it affected retirees more. Supposedly secure retirement investments vanished; security no more. What do you do? Survive. Zhao’s adaptation of Jessica Bruder’s 2017 non-fiction masterpiece Nomadland: Surviving America in the Twenty-First Century is a beacon of human spirit and survival. It may not be pretty, but it’s real. It’s not something to be embarrassed about, it’s something to be proud of. Those that let this happen to good, honest working people should be the ones embarrassed. —JW

Minari Written and directed by Lee Isaac Chung. No release date announced. Seen at: Middleburg Film Festival.

Minari is the medicine for these tough times. It’s a wonderful, wonderful, deeply personal, utterly serene and metaphysical portrait of America—freedom, faith, superstition, forces of nature, and ambition collide with the costs of intoxicating capitalist dreams, but not without a whole lot of heart. This is elegantly crafted, at once organic in its approach and always sweepingly cinematic. The film’s gentle sense of humor ensures that it never takes itself too seriously and allows the weight of its poetic images and juxtapositions to guide the narrative. The brilliant ensemble should grow to join Steven Yeun as household names (well, cinephile households). Youn Yuh-jung and Alan Kim are bright sparks as the latest classic duo of sassy grandma and precocious grandchild, but it’s Han Ye-ri—taking on the surrogate role of director Lee Isaac Chung’s mother—who provides an overlooked and tender sounding board for familial bonds in fraction. Minari is truly one of 2020’s most invaluable and essential pieces of art, living up to the hype built since Sundance. Korea came to the USA for the Oscars earlier this year, and if 2021 shows similar mercy, there’s a chance you’ll see this home-grown Asian-American picture mounting that stage in future. —JM

Wolfwalkers Directed by Tomm Moore and Ross Stewart, written by Will Collins with Moore and Stewart. Recently released in UK theaters; coming to Apple TV+ December 11. Seen at: TIFF, BFI London Film Festival.

The much-anticipated Cartoon Saloon adventure Wolfwalkers was met with only joy around here. A fable about what happens when a colonizing force tries to tame a wild forest, set during Oliver Cromwell’s Siege of Kilkenny, Wolfwalkers builds to “one of the most sensational animated third acts I’ve seen in years,” according to Animatedantic. The film’s themes are embedded in every hand-drawn line and stroke. “It’s not sleek and seamless and modern,” writes Cow Shea. “This is transparently a true work of art where all the work of that art is part of the finished product.” Mebh and Robyn are animated action heroes for the ages, and you’ll hear a lot about ‘Wolfvision’ in the weeks to come—for very good reason. Werewolf films have, for years, tried different ways to put us inside the beast’s mind, but Tomm Moore and Ross Stewart followed their noses and it’s as thrilling as things get. —GG

David Byrne’s American Utopia Directed by Spike Lee. On HBO and HBO Max now. Seen at: TIFF, NYFF, BFI London Film Festival.

David Byrne’s American Utopia is well on track to join Jonathan Demme’s film of another Byrne stage outing, Stop Making Sense (1984), as one of the highest-rated anythings on Letterboxd. We’re still deciding whether this film is sublime because the stage show itself is sublime, or because Spike Lee has sublimely captured the whole joyous thing for us to inject into our eyeballs, time and again, for far less than the price of a Broadway ticket. Let’s be honest: it’s due to both, and more besides. It’s a blessing upon 2020, of that we are certain. As Clint writes, “The phrase ‘this is the film we need right now’ is such a creaky cliché, but there’s an ineffable feeling that, if David Byrne and Spike Lee can’t heal the world with grey suits, bare feet, and some of the most all-encompassing works of music ever written, no one can.” As my colleague says, “will rewatch to death”. —GG

Shiva Baby Written and directed by Emma Seligman. On the festival circuit. Seen at: TIFF, LFF.

A girl walks into a shiva and bumps into her sugar daddy. What sounds like a joke sets up 77 minutes of note-perfect comedy horror in Emma Seligman’s Shiva Baby, her feature debut adapted from her dissertation short of the same name. It’s funny, horrifying, excruciating and so painfully, accurately Jewish. Isaac Feldberg calls it “cruelly hilarious about everything smothering and inevitably miserable about Jewish family gatherings”, but Seligman’s sharp eye for comedy, her affection for her teen hero Danielle (Rachel Sennott, a bona fide star) just figuring her career out and owning her sexuality (Molly Gordon playing Danielle’s overachieving ex-girlfriend Maya is a highlight) cuts straight to the core, however you relate. Matt Neglia points out how Shiva Baby “captures the behaviors of its characters with the same level of dry wit and detail as the Coen Brothers would”. What a thrill for a young, smart, Jewish, bisexual woman to be setting the pace now. Keep an eye on Seligman’s bright, bright future. —EK

Tove Directed by Zaida Bergroth, written by Eeva Putro. Released in Finland; on the festival circuit elsewhere. Seen at: TIFF.

If there was a film swoony enough to fill the Portrait of a Lady on Fire-sized hole in your heart this year, it’s Zaida Bergroth’s Tove, a bewitching biopic of Finnish author and illustrator Tove Jansson, creator of the beloved Moomin cartoon characters. Set in Helsinki during and post-World War II, the film orbits around her boho world, flitting between her creative struggles as a painter and deep sexual awakening with married theater director Vivica Bandler (Krista Kosonen). As Lillian says, “Lesbians and Moomins is such a huge fucking mood I never wanted it to end.” Alma Pöysti shines effortlessly in the lead role. “The film happens on her fantastic face,” writes Hannu. Seth agrees: “a captivating first-class drama about a world-renowned talent in search of her own identity, love and freedom.” A cozy fall-season perfection. —AY

Shadow in the Cloud Co-written and directed by Roseanne Liang. Slated for a summer 2021 release. Seen at: TIFF, AFI Fest.

A proud addition to the “she did that!” canon, the single downside of Roseanne Liang’s genre-perfect, “deliciously fearless” Midnight Madness winner Shadow in the Cloud is that there was no Midnight Madness to experience it at—but thanks to a juicy sale out of TIFF, we can look forward to a premiere next summer. Chloë Grace Moretz is Maude Garrett, a WWII pilot assigned to transport a highly classified package over the Pacific. The all-male crew of the B-17 Flying Fortress banishes her to the lower ball turret, where they harass, gaslight and leer over her—and that is nowhere near the worst part of this bonkers, non-stop hell flight, which Moretz carries like the future action hero she must now become, if the movie goddesses are listening. —GG

Pieces of a Woman Directed by Kornél Mundruczó, written by Kata Wéber. Coming soon to Netflix. Seen at: TIFF, NYFF.

You will be hearing a lot about Vanessa Kirby in the months to come. Pieces of a Woman is an arresting, often taxing watch, but few actors have delivered a performance as utterly overwhelming as Kirby portraying Martha, a grieving mother processing the loss of her baby. The filmmaking team (Mundruczo and Weber share a “film by” credit) zoom in on deep, jagged pain, and tease out some of the most affecting moments put to screen this year. Jack calls the film “an intensely intimate depiction of mental and marital deterioration caused by tragedy” and nods to master Howard Shore’s “subtle yet potent” score. It’s poetry in motion, with stunning turns from Shia LaBeouf, Ellen Burstyn, Sarah Snook and Benny Safdie also. But proceed with caution: “this film will destroy you”, Alisha Tabilin warns. —EK

Underplayed Directed by Stacey Lee. On the festival circuit. Seen at: TIFF. (Also recommended in our music movies round-up.)

Women-in-the-workplace movies aren’t usually this banging. Stacey Lee’s documentary Underplayed focuses on one corner of the still wildly sexist music industry—the dance-music scene—and lays out both the facts and feelings regarding why women still, always, deserve better. A number of key names guide the story—Rezz, Alison Wonderland, Nervo, TokiMonsta—giving the viewer a taste of what we’re missing out on while booking the same old men, over and over. And it’s not just because of the stats or the injustices that this is a must-watch: in times of limited social interaction and when the feeling of an adrenaline-fuelled crowd feels like a foggy memory, Lee captures some truly electric moments of these women thriving, captivating thousands of music lovers at once. “Buy yourself good speakers and turn them up because this movie is fun and it deserves it,” writes Matt Brown, and he’s absolutely correct. Underplayed is essential and exciting. The most entertaining education of the year. —EK

Another Round Directed by Thomas Vinterburg, written by Vinterburg and Tobias Lindholm. Awaiting new UK date due to lockdown. In US cinemas soon. Seen at: TIFF, LFF.

Another Round reunites filmmaker Thomas Vinterberg with his muse Mads Mikkelsen, in a lads-on-tour buddy movie, except the lads are four middle-aged high-school teachers, and the tour features a very casual, very constant level of intoxication each man commits to in the name of a social experiment. What could possibly go wrong, you ask? Plenty, naturally—but Vinterberg marries the slapstick moments of bumbling drunks falling over themselves with more mature, poignant scenes that question just how far you can or should go to feel that little bit more alive. There’s a lot to love here, but if we’re being very precise, it’s “rock-solid proof that Mads Mikkelsen is one of our greatest actors,” says Karen Han. Come for the wise, contemplative study of youth and spontaneity, stay for rock-solid proof that Mads Mikkelsen is also, somehow, one of our greatest contemporary dancers. —EK

One Night in Miami Directed by Regina King, adapted by Kemp Powers from his own stage play. In select US theaters December 25, coming to Amazon Prime Video January 15, 2021. Seen at: TIFF, NYFF.

Ladies and gentleman, Regina King has arrived. The actor wastes nothing in her feature directorial debut, bringing to the screen Kemp Powers’ vivid stage play of the same name with a heavyweight cast of greats. Kingsley Ben-Adir, Eli Goree, Aldis Hodge and Leslie Odom Jr. are Malcolm X, Cassius Clay (before he took the name Muhammad Ali), Jim Brown and Sam Cooke respectively, as the four men celebrate Clay’s victory over Sonny Liston in February 1964, during One Night in Miami. Rachel Wagner notes how “they all feel like friends and have chemistry, but each with a unique perspective”. This chemistry comes from King’s perfect alchemy of mood, design and structure; she lets her men speak, but her voice is never lost. “Queen King never wavers on her vision until every bit of flesh is torn off each man,” Ben notes, admiring a film that shines for all its famous faces, but stands the test of time for its rich, piercing empathy for every other one waiting in the shadows. —EK

Supernova Written and directed by Harry Macqueen. Awaiting UK and Ireland release due to lockdown; in select US theaters January 29, 2021. Seen at: BFI London Film Festival.

Colin Firth at his very best, Stanley Tucci losing his grip on himself, the luscious Lake District and endless cozy, delicious, warm knitwear. Supernova is every bit as beautiful as it sounds, but also packs a major punch when it comes to mapping a lifelong love story, and the cost of loyalty and pride when you’re fighting against pain nobody can control. As Sam and Tusker, devoted to one another for decades, come to terms with Tusker’s diagnosis of early on-set dementia, there is as much care and sadness as is to be expected, but it still feels brand new and cuts deep. Every good love story is its own. Director Harry Macqueen and his two shining stars understand this better than anyone. —EK

French Exit Directed by Azazel Jacobs, written by Patrick DeWitt. Scheduled for US release January 21, 2021. Seen at NYFF.

Armed with acerbic wit and sharpened claws, Michelle Pfeiffer delivers a vulnerable close-to-career-best performance in French Exit as a mother free-falling from wealth and reconciling with her son, an expertly cold Lucas Hedges. What appears to be formal and dry (“rich white-people stuff”, blegh) is actually wonderfully weird and surprisingly spiritual. There’s a divisive scene at the half-way point that instantly unroots the movie from any grounding we assumed it had established. In any other film, it would open up an entire world of possibilities, but French Exit decidedly treats it as matter-of-fact in order to focus on the emotional journey. It’s the decisive moment—you’re on its wavelength, or you’re overboard—and the rewards for staying aboard are plentiful. Patrick DeWitt’s adaptation of his own novel is in good hands with director Azazel Jacobs. —JM

Still Processing Directed by Sophy Romvari. On the festival circuit. Seen at: TIFF.

A final, honorable mention for Sophy Romvari’s Still Processing, the highest-rated short film out of TIFF, and an excavation of grief like no other. “You’ve got to watch this one twice,” writes Martyn. “First viewing to just weep every two to three minutes. Second viewing to really appreciate how great it is.”

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