#suicide reference tw

[margridarnauds]

Alright. So it's like.

You start off publishing in your undergrad. And you're scared, because you came into fandom when sporkings where still common. But you do well, you get a tiny following of friends, you develop a niche for yourself in small fandoms. You start to think that maybe you're okay at this.

Then, you get into a grad program, you move countries. But...you're happy. There are some adjustment issues, there are some isolation issues, there's the whole...pandemic. Thing. That happened. But still, you're happy. Because you're treated with respect and told to take time off on the weekends. And you write. A lot. You make friends, you join Discord servers, you're told that you're not JUST a good content creator, you're a great friend as well. You're happy. Sometimes, it still hurts when you write something that goes out of your comfort zone and it doesn't get the reception you'd like, or you feel like there's an awkward line here or there, but still. You're happy.

Then, you move countries again. And the new environment is...well. Everyone's trying their hardest. But the stress is high and there's no time off on weekends. You're told at various times to your face that they don't know what to do with you, and when it isn't said directly, you feel it. Your non-fictional work is often treated as being inferior or derivative. Your writing slows to a crawl, projects get abandoned as you go into survival mode. The person who once told you you were more than just a content creator suddenly grows to hate you, and then proceeds to make your life miserable for six months and, to add a cherry to the top, starts a smear campaign that means that you can never trust being in another fandom again. You keep some of your fandoms in the ~divorce~, and you'll always wonder whether part of the reason why is because you were the primary content creator, not because you were more likable or you had more evidence on your side. And your colleagues find your private social media so you don't even have that anymore. You have no sense of privacy, no outlet, either creative or otherwise, and you're in an environment that feels custom made to remind you that there will *always* be someone better. That's the year that your family and close friends expect you to come back home in a pine box.

And things...get better from there. You claw your way out. You start to gradually become a part of the department, but your own words feel foreign and awkward to you. You are treated like. Well, like a human being, you make strong relationships with the faculty and some of your colleagues, but you still hold off on publishing because, after two years of basically being locked in an environment that was obsessed with telling you that you weren't enough, it's hard to turn the switch back on. The fictional words don't flow like they used to. And there's a...melancholy in them now. Everything's weighty, everything's sad and filled with images of death and loneliness and regrets. You can't write like you used to, but some part of you also thinks that it's your only redeeming factor. There's a lot of words, but they don't feel artistic or inspired, and you feel like you HAVE to write them because, otherwise, what are you? Why are you here? You can't write through the depression, but part of the depression is because you can't write.

[swtorramblings]

From the journals of Valerie Yndera, Soul Hunter:

(in jagged strokes, as though the writer is barely controlling a great rage)

No. There is no excuse and no forgiveness. Ysayle was a hero at the end, he was the monster that killed a drained opponent who couldn't fight back. He doesn't deserve that honor.

(in neater but still very straightforward script, giving the impression of someone that is used to writing writing quick missives that very much needed to be legible)

In the end, she wished to die in battle. He at least gave her that, and his sacrifice at the end of his life does help. I regret that she died, but he can't be blamed completely. And he helped save the world.

(In very neat cursive-style writing)

He still made excuses, even while saying he would make none. He brought the full destructive power of the ship against a foe that was no longer any kind of threat. It would have been quite easy and potentially more useful to take her alive, but he ordered the firing of all guns out of spite.

(In flowing calligraphy, much more artistic than the previous cursive)

She has returned to the Flow, and the only way to find peace is to let some past crimes go. It was war and he acted as a soldier. We shouldn't trust them all yet, but we had to start somewhere, and had common cause. As he said, he and his troops have suffered along with us. When will we stop?

(letters appear to have been typed)

Perhaps. But I would say that he didn't die a hero, he died heroically. The pain he caused to so many people, including our friend, was too much to just be ignored.

(many of the letters are now somewhat like small constellations)

For us to move forward into the future we must forgive, though it hurts, though it is not "right". It is the only way to peace. But we should not forget, and should remain watchful.

(notes scribbled in the gutters)

These events caused a great deal of pain in my selves, even the ones that voted to side with Regula. So we decided to take a moment to write down some of our thoughts in turn. Finally, we concluded that it was right to ally with him, but it didn't make what he had done forgivable. It may be just as well that he died, some of my fragments would have tried to hunt him down otherwise.

(painted in multiple colors with a fine brush)

I've been trying to catch up by reading our journals, but can anyone explain who these people were?

(if an answer was given, it was not in this journal)

[kyou-no-kyo]

今日の京は、

赫 (Aka) - Dir en Grey

[charfletchh]

"ugh, i don't want to click through all those links. be a doll and do it for me," she held out her phone to eddie with just the subtlest puppy dog eyes. "and don't forget, it's been eight semesters," she corrected him. "remember? you all just couldn't live without me if i left last summer? i seem to remember several threatened suicides if i left," she heaved a dramatic sigh. "hopefully you'll all manage to carry on without me next semester. i'm going to graduate. i mean, i won't know until i get my grades, but there's no way i don't." not with everything she'd done to secure it.

Three years in, Charlie’s voice still made his head perk up in the same boyish manner it used to do back in his freshman year. A lot had changed about their relationship in the meantime. But there was still a sort of magic spell about her that somehow compelled his attention like she was one of the most interesting people he had ever met. And, honestly, she kind of was. After all, who else, besides Charlie Fletcher, would be able to push through 4 years of education without ever looking at her grades? Absolutely fascinating...

“You’ve gone seven semesters without looking at your grades. You’ll be fine on your last one.” He meant it. He didn’t doubt Charlie would do okay in her last term… Still, he took her phone and clicked the forgot password option because he was feeling empathetic and knew that if he were in her shoes, he would rather die than not know his grades. “You’ll get an email to reset it.” He should know. Last semester, someone guessed his password (H@ml3t_2001 – which, by the way, fit ALL the strong-password criteria) and signed him up for an elective called The Sociology of Harry Potter as revenge for his rant about why the ‘objectively awful’ Harry Potter series was a socially accepted pyramid scheme in his literature class. “So… Counting down the days to get away from all this madness?”

[trans-androgyne]

Wake the fuck up and support transmascs, now. We are hurting. We feel isolated. We feel invisible. We feel unheard. If you think we don’t have issues of our own you have not been listening to us. If you think we all have gendered privilege you have not been listening to us. You’ve probably seen stories cherry-picked from the most privileged and passing among us, and assume we tend to be like that or on that path. It is not true. You’ve probably seen our struggles downplayed and compared to transfems’ — almost always done without actually asking the diverse transmasc community — to say we have it easy. It is not true. We are entering the public eye in a very bad way. We are mistreated for our trans masculinity both inside and outside the queer community. We are at the highest risk for suicide and sexual assault but people assume we need fewer resources anyway. I’m the one who’s had to do everything for transmascs myself in my area. I cannot do this alone. Please for the love of any gods out there love and support transmascs before it’s too late. We are suffering too.

[femboyhorror]

"Oops, My Brother is Clinically Depressed!"

( a comic i doodled up based off of the end of chapter 3 of fisherman's knot by @scribefindegil a.k.a. a scene that has living in my lizard brain rent free since i read it. go check that story out of you haven't! i hope i did the scene justice! )

[littlelostmabari]

At the End

Inspired by @ritzeldraws and their absolutely traumatic mini-comic (which I cannot recommend enough) here.

You told me not to say goodbye. So I won't.

I will trace the lines that drape from your eye to your chin, the memories of a time when you valued another's thoughts more than your own life.

I will brush an errant hair behind your ear, because it has fallen in front of brown eyes that captivate my every waking thought.

You told me not to say goodbye. So I won't.

I will linger on the memory of your touch, because my memory of the astral plane seems so near here in the skies above the city.

I will tuck my fingers under your shirt where your waist is bared from a spell that burnt too close.

You told me not to say goodbye. So I won't.

I will breathe your breath as lips meet and our tongues mingle with the salt of your tears, or maybe mine.

I will shake my head and hold you close when you beg me to leave.

But I will not say goodbye.

I will tuck my head under your chin and press my ear to your chest as you murmur the words that will finish this.

You told me not to say goodbye. So I won't.

I will hold you as the violet seizes us both. I will whisper that I will see you on the other side.

But I will not say goodbye.

[floofanflurr]

I love this bean SO MUCH.

(Text in Post: I’ve known Frisk one day, and if anything happened to them, I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself.)

[khaopybara]

❝My wife.❞

LEE SOOHYUK as PARK JOONGGIL and KIM HEESUN as KOO RYEON episode 14 of TOMORROW

[screamingatanemptyroom]

Please Fix the Story - Side Part - Liam

LAST SIDE PART! Liam's story. I really hope you guys enjoy! This has been a wild ride, and I can't wait to move on to whatever is next!

Masterpost linked here

_______________________________

“Every dragon has a treasure.”

Grandfather spoke seriously to me, his large silver form towering over my small one. I never felt fear or discomfort facing him, despite his enormous size, however, because his eyes were always filled with warmth and love.

“Like gold?” I asked, rolling on the ground to scratch the new scales on my back. “Or diamonds?”

“Treasure for a dragon is much more than a simple shiny object.” Grandfather watched my actions with a toothy grin. “It represents something much greater than that. A treasure can’t be owned by the dragon, quite the opposite in fact.”

He reached out a claw, flipping me over and patting the dirt and grass from the ridges on my back. I looked up at him, stunned by the seriousness in his gaze. “A dragon’s treasure is whatever owns his heart. It is a piece of their soul, the truest home a dragon can have is by his treasure’s side. If something happens to the treasure, it destroys the heart of the dragon… so we protect our treasures with our lives.”

“Wow! I want a treasure!” I tried to fly, but my immature wings could only lift me a few feet before I fell back down to the ground.

“Oh Little One, you will.” He assured me. “Every dragon does.”

“Wait... then what’s your treasure?”

His eyes grew very sad. “My treasure was your grandmother. I loved her more than life itself.”

“My grandmother? I shook my head, confused. “Where is she?”

“She passed, Child. She had to leave me first.” His eyes had tears in them. “Dragons are nearly immortal, but there are still far too many things that can end our journeys early.”

“I thought you said if something happens to your treasure…?”

“Her death destroyed me… I wanted to follow her.” He stared out at the sky. “But your parents had fallen in the same battle… and I couldn’t leave my Little One alone. You were just an egg then.” His eyes focused back on me. “I will always miss her, my heart will never be the same. However, she would want me to care for you, raise you well. You are our grandchild, a living proof of her existence, and I am fortunate to have the chance to be your family.”

I rushed over and hugged Grandpa’s leg. “It’s okay! Don’t be sad!  I love you!”

“I love you too!” He smiled again. “And one day, Little One, when you find your treasure, I hope that you both know nothing but peace and joy. “

“I’ll find my treasure! And then you can live with both of us!”

His large claw rested gently on my head. “I would love that.”

I went to sleep that night, dreaming of family and a bright future ahead.

The next day, I lost everything.  

_______________________________

I was playing in a field, chasing butterflies. I scampered after a bright blue one, capturing it gently between my claws.

“Pretty!” I admired its big blue wings. “I wish I could fly like you! Grandpa says I need to grow a few more years before my wings will be big enough.” My voice dropped to a whisper. “But I practice anyways! When I can fly I’ll go looking for my treasure! And then I will grow up big and strong and protect everyone, so no one has to be sad like my grandpa ever again!”

The butterfly flapped its wings nervously, and I opened my claws to release it. “Go home, butterfly! Bye bye!”

I watched as it flew away… directly into a blue portal that materialized in front of me. The poor creature was incinerated as I stared, horrified.

“What is going on…?” A glowing blue figure stepped out. It looked somewhat human, but not at the same time. I briefly wondered if it was like Grandpa, who could take a human form when he needed to be smaller. As I considered this, the being stepped closer, its eyes focused directly on me. Feeling uneasy, I backed away a few steps.

YOU ARE A DRAGON?

The words were spoken and at the same time wrote themselves in the sky above me. I knew how to read, Grandpa had taught me, but I had never heard of a being that could speak written words into existence.

“Y-yes! I’m a mighty dragon like my grandpa!” I puffed out my chest proudly, but after a moment my shoulders still shrank back in fear.

YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN.

“Chosen? For what?”

YOU WILL BE A MIGHTY HERO, TRAVELING TO MANY WORLDS, SAVING THE UNIVERSE. YOU WILL BE GIVEN UNIMAGINABLE POWER AND WEALTH. YOU WILL BE THE GREATEST DRAGON TO EVER EXIST.

“… cool.” I thought it over. “Can my grandpa come?”

NO. THIS WORLD WILL BE DESTROYED BY YOUR DEPARTURE.

“Oh… no thank you, then.” I started backing away. “I have to go home now.”

YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN. REFUSAL WILL NOT BE ALLOWED.

I turned away to run “GRANDPA!”

“CHILD! RUN!” I saw my grandfather, his large silver form flying desperately towards me. In his eyes I saw a look I had never seen before, no matter how many dangers we had faced since my hatching.

He looked scared.

“GRANDPA!”

YOU MUST ACCEPT YOUR FATE.

Power made of blue fire wrapped around me. My grandfather was close enough to breath his own fire towards the unknown being, but it disintegrated into nothingness as it neared it.

“LITTLE ONE! NO!”

A terrified cry. Tear-filled eyes. A look of anguish.

My last memory of my grandfather, before my home realm was destroyed.

And then I was truly alone.

_______________________________

I was taken to a new realm, a realm only for me. Nothing else could live there. Insects, plants, even moss and mold… they would appear briefly, live just long enough for me to dream that this time, things would be different, before withering away. Death was my constant companion in this realm. Each time a new living creature or plant would arrive, I would tell myself not to hope. Hope would only result in more pain. But still my young heart beat quickly with it each time I discovered something new.

But soon, loneliness would no longer be my greatest fear. The System began dragging me into lower realms, telling me to play my part.

I will never forget my first mission.

It was a high school world. My character was a bully, one that tormented the hero and heroine relentlessly. His father was a very wealthy and influential man, and this boy leveraged every once of that prestige to make others miserable.

When I arrived, I was scared, confused. I had never been a human before, much less in a place of only humans. Even as I tried to orient myself to my new surroundings, however, I was given a mission:

My mission was to die.  

In the story, character failed to separate the hero and his love. In this end his misdeeds were exposed on the internet, and the entire world turned against him. Even his father disowned him, cutting off financial support, which had been the only affection he had bothered to bestow upon the boy.

"EVIL! VILLAIN!"

He received thousands upon thousands of messages like this.

"WORTHLESS! DIE!"

Near the end of the story, the villain took his own life. My mission was to continue with the villain’s role as written, while the hero’s story would be changed to save the realm.

I refused.

My grandfather had always taught me to be kind to others, and to myself. I couldn’t bully the two leads, any more than I could harm myself because others wanted me to. I was still a dragon, at least at heart, and I would stay strong.

When I changed the ending, the world faded around me with a simple glowing message:

MISSION FAILED.

I was back in my dragon form in my prison realm, and standing in front of me was an angry young man.

“Are you happy?” He asked me, his eyes cold.

“I don’t understand. Who are you?”

“Obviously you don’t understand!” He pointed at himself. “I am the hero.” His finger turned towards me. “YOU are the villain. We each have our parts to play.”

“I don’t want to harm others, or myself.” I backed away, showing my teeth in a way grandpa had taught me to scare off bad guys like him. “Go away!”

His response was a vicious smile. “Do you know what happened to that world? That lower realm we had traveled to?”

I shook my head.

“Show him, System!” With a wave of his hand a portal opened up next to me. I tried to back away further, but paused at the sight inside:

My character refused to jump off the school roof, as the original ending dictated. As my character was surrounded in blue fire and slumped to the ground, the entire world began bending and warping. The world slowly began to cave in on itself, turning into nothingness.

It was a familiar sight to me, and as I watched, golden tears dripped from my eyes.

It was exactly like the destruction of my home world.

“You killed them.” I whispered, horrified.

“No. YOU killed them.” He leaned forward, and the madness in his eyes terrified me. “You didn’t play your part! The world became unstable and collapsed. Do you understand? All those children you met, all the teachers and parents… every single person you met in that realm… dead. All because of you.”

My small claws covered my head, trying to hide. “NO!”

“Oh yes, what a wonderful villain you turned out to be.” He laughed. “You bring nothing but pain and destruction to those around you, and you need to learn to follow the rules.”

“…”

“You must accept your fate, Villain.” He left with those parting words, which would haunt me each moment going forward

_______________________________

I changed shortly after that. Each time I was dragged into a lower realm, I would get my mission, and fulfill it as simply and quickly as possible. I avoided bullying or harming others, only possible as my mission was almost always regarding the ending for the villain. But the ending required was always terrible.

Death continued to be my constant companion, this time my own. Countless missions of death and destruction, until they all blurred into one another. I never knew if my obedience to the mission changed the fates of these realms or not as Adonis and the System would never tell me. I could only hope.

I matured into adulthood, but nothing changed in my suffering. I had almost forgotten who I was. I had no name but "Villain", I had no purpose but to be defeated so that others could thrive.

I did take some solace in that my current compliance did not make them happy. My race towards the ending of each realm irritated Adonis, which I learned was the name of the hero who would visit me occasionally in my realm.

“You are moving too fast! I don’t have any time to do my part in the realm as you race towards your own bad ending! If you can’t play along…” He trailed off with a threatening tone.

I looked at him without interest. His words meant nothing to me. “You cannot threaten me.” I told him, feeling numb.  “You have already destroyed everything I love. My family is gone. I am alone.”

And I was alone.

On the rare nights I wasn’t dragged into the lower realms to die, I would dream of my home. Of watching dragons fly freely in the sky. Of my grandfather and his loving smile, of his dream that I would find my treasure and live out my days in joy and peace. Each time i dreamt, the details would fade a bit more. I was losing my sense of self, of any purpose other than that which had been forced on me.

I was a dragon, my grandpa said that was something to be proud of.

But I slowly I turned into something else, something twisted. I was becoming the villain I had been named and nothing more.

If life had continued on that way, I don’t know what my ending would have been. A dragon is immortal, but there are still ways to cut their journeys short. Death of hope, destruction of the soul, is one of those ways. I was heading towards a point of no return.

And then I met Bel.

_______________________________

We first met in a lower realm, where I was an assassin, she the heroine. She was lost, confused, and acting totally out of character for the story, which shocked me. I hadn't known there was another traveler like Adonis. After we ran into each other, she spoke to me normally, even kindly, overwhelming me by even the brief interaction. When she asked my name, I responded “Villain” the only one I could remember.

She misheard and called me Liam.

I didn’t correct her, it was the best name I had ever been called.  We drank coffee and talked, and it was the happiest time I could remember since the destruction of my world.

But all good things must end, and there was a counter to finish this mission.  Our missions in this world were the same: the death of the assassin. Seeing her worried gaze on me, I realized this was the first time someone had showed me concern since my grandfather.

I didn’t want her to be sad.

I drank poison, pretending to drink her cup by mistake, and walked away.

Death was my constant companion, but I didn’t want her to see me die.

I saw her a few times after that, mostly in non-human or monstrous forms. She remained the same no matter my appearance, which made me start to wonder a very dangerous thought: would she still be so kind if she knew I was a dragon, a villain?

I buried that hope deep within my heart, not wanting to examine it too closely. But soon it would be difficult to ignore.

_______________________________

Adonis cast her into my realm. He was punishing her, trying to force her to agree with accepting the path and bonds of fate. He knew she would suffer in my realm, slowly having her life drained from her. He must have expected her to cave, to turn back to him in less than a day.

I too thought she would return to the Higher Realm. Initially I treated her coldly, not wanting to have any hope that she would be different than any other living animal or plant that appeared in this place. She would leave here, and it was best I wasn’t too attached.

But Adonis and I both underestimated the wonderful stubbornness of Bel.

She felt the draining effect of the realm, yes, but refused to give in, wanting to stay. I hovered over her, watching her increasingly pale form with increasing anxiety. I had to do something, but what could I, a prisoner and villain, possibly do?

When I got pulled into the lower realm once more, it was a horror story, a world of vampires. I adjusted to my new form, and instead of heading straight to my destruction as I typically did, I found Adonis instead.

“Are you enjoying the company, Villain?” He asked me with a sarcastic grin.

“I actually go by Liam now.” I responded blandly, my fear of him long ago corroded by time and countless deaths. “And yes, I’m happy for her presence.”

Adonis’ eyes filled with rage. “You are NOTHING to her. Nothing but a villain. And don’t get too comfortable, she will be leaving soon.”

“That’s up to her, isn’t it? She wasn’t too happy with you last time I checked.”

He swung his fist at my head in anger, but it was a useless move. I was a vampire in this world. Compared to me, his human form might as well be moving in slow motion. I dodged his arm easily, and knocked him to the ground.

“She doesn’t belong there!” He spat out.

"Why not?" I hoped he would say something to help me figure out how to help her.

Fortunately he obliged. “Her very nature is that of a heroine. Your realm will reject her, slowly destroy her. Just like your pathetic and evil nature keeps you alive and well in your little prison. You can’t change your nature, Villain. That evil place shares your energy, but will only drain hers until she dies.”

I felt relieved at the extra information, but also horrified at the same time. “You do remember that you were the one to put her in that realm, right? Were you trying to kill her?!”

Adonis smiled. “She just needed a little reminder of who she is, and what she needs to do.”

“And what is that?”

“She needs to accept her fate.”

At his words, I reached out, grabbing his neck and lifting him off the ground. My nails pierced the skin of his neck, his blood dripped down my hand onto the floor and I felt my fangs pierce my gums, preparing to feed. I held back though, not wanting to taste his blood. It smells terrible. I assume the energy within must be very contaminated by his self-absorbed soul and ruthless nature. I thought, my brain slowly making a connection.

Wait… if blood carries energy, and the essence of one’s nature… Then I might have a way to help Bel.

Even as I felt excited about this revelation, I felt a sharp pain in my back. I turned, just in time to see the heroine of the story holding a stake, stabbing it through to my heart.

Adonis laughed as my hand released him and I stumbled backwards, clutching at my chest. “See, monster? The heroine will only ever despise you and kill you if she can.”

“That’s not Bel.” I muttered, feeling my life fade from me. “That woman is a character from this world.”

“Bel IS the heroine, Villain, she will be the prototype from which all heroines will derive their fate. She can only be the heroine.  Just like you can only be a monster. She will never stay by your side." He stepped closer. "I’m just waiting for her to realize the truth of what you are and what she is. And then she’ll return to me. Return to where she belongs.”

The last thing I saw in this realm was his confident smile, and the heroine’s blank uncaring stare.

I died painfully in that realm, but it gave me an idea. I fed her my dragon blood, filled with the same energy as the realm that imprisoned us. It sustained her briefly, but I worried that it was only delaying the inevitable.

We spent the time together, getting to know each other better. She was kind, curious, outspoken. She found the humor in everything, and slowly I found myself joking alongside her. A deep certainty grew within me.

She was my treasure.

Just like my Grandpa said. Not an object, not something that could be owned. My heart belonged to her. I, who had lost any home since the destruction of my own world, had found it: by her side.

I took a chance, showed her my true self, my heart in my throat the entire time as her eyes studied my dragon form.

She smiled, and the love I felt was overwhelming. I was drowning in it. For the first time in a long time, I felt that I was something more than just a villain, a monster.

I was a dragon, and she was my treasure. I would protect her with my life, protect her happiness, no matter what.

_______________________________

But our story, at least the first time around, was not one with a happy ending, but a tragedy.

I proposed. Asked her to marry me in the mermaid realm. She agreed, and we had a wedding. She had made a deal with the sea witch to marry her true love, and at the moment we said “I do” her mission was complete.

We returned to my prison, to my realm.

And she was dying.

I felt my heart dying with her. A part of me wanted to force her to return to the Higher Realm, to be safe. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t ask her to buy her safety with her freedom. I could only allow her to make her own choice, and stay by her side. I remembered vaguely my grandfather telling me about my grandmother’s death. And I understood. I couldn’t resume my hopeless lonely existence I couldn’t continue without her.

I would stay with her, and I would die with her.

But the end I expected didn’t come. The System made a deal with her and I watched on, holding my breath, as she agreed. And as she disappeared, I panicked.

“LET ME FOLLOW HER!”

The System studied me, looking at me closely without emotion or curiosity. It was as if it was solving a mathematical equation that I was a part of.

SHE HAS MADE A DEAL, YOU CANNOT FOLLOW HER.

“I’ll make a deal too! Take anything you want, please just let me follow, let me protect her!”  My heart, my soul was tearing in two, she was so far from me, and she was in danger.

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER.

“You can have ME! You can have your perfect villain! I’ll play my role, I’ll never once step out of line or rush to the end! You can have the puppet you always wanted.”

... YOU WOULD SACRIFICE YOUR FREE WILL?

I didn't hesitate.

“For her? Anything.”

Words scrolled in front of me. The deal the System offered. I would be allowed no memories, but I could follow her to every world. I wasn’t worried about not remembering her. She was part of my soul, my treasure. I could no more harm her than I could rip my own heart from my chest. But the cost.

Oh, the cost.

It was a deal with the devil, but still I considered it. The System, sensing my hesitation, spoke again.

SHE HAS COMPLETED FIVE WORLDS ALREADY… BUT WITHOUT PURPOSE SHE IS IGNORING THE POWER AVAILABLE TO HER. HER WILL IS FALTERING. CALCULATED CHANCE OF SUCCESS IS LESS THAN ONE PERCENT.

“If I take this deal and help her? Does it improve her chances?”

UNKNOWN. SIX WORLDS.

I felt my soul tearing apart. The System was demanding I put not just my freedom and will on the line, but countless worlds that I had saved before. If I agreed, I would have no defense. I would be the monster, the villain that Adonis called me.

Not Bel’s Liam.

The System’s monster.

SHE IS STARTING THE ELEVENTH WORLD. AT CURRENT CALCULATIONS, SHE WILL GIVE UP IN THE TWELFTH. THE DEAL WILL BE SUCCESSFUL, AND ALTHOUGH YOUR OFFER TO HAVE A PERFECT VILLAIN WOULD GREATLY SIMPLIFY THE PROCESS... YOU CAN BE REPLACED. YOU ARE UNNECESSARY. THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO ACCEPT.

Bel needed me. I had a choice, and I willingly made it. And even if I damned my soul for eternity, I would burn happily for her safety.

I pressed “Yes”.

_______________________________

“Every dragon has a treasure.”

A young child sat in front of me in the park, his eyes wide with wonder. His dark hair resembled my own, but his eyes…

His eyes were just like his mother’s.

“Like pirate treasure?!” He asked excitedly, and I couldn’t help but laugh, remembering a long ago conversation with my grandfather.

“No, much better than that! A dragon’s treasure can’t be owned, because it is the treasure who owns the dragon’s heart. The truest home a dragon can have is by his treasure’s side. And so, we dragons protect our treasures with their lives.”

“Wow! Do YOU have a treasure, Dad?”

At his question, I looked over to the side, where Bel and our other three children were. They were sneaking up on a couple sitting on a park bench, a handsome man in a suit, speaking to a young woman wearing a loosely fitted dress.

“I'm sorry but I have to go." The man said dramatically.

"Where are you going?! And why?"

"I can’t tell you what’s going on, Penny!”

“Why not?!” The woman he called Penny cried. “Please, Charles, Don't leave! You don’t understand, I really need you here! What’s going on? Just talk to me!”

 “It’s for your own protection.” He paused. “Wait, why do you really need me here? Is something going on?”

Penny looked away. “Never mind.”

“STOP RIGHT THERE!”

PSST!

Our little girl, Hannah, raced forward with her sister Selina and her brother Adam, all wielding small spray bottles.

“Who are you…?” Charles tried to ask, only to be pushed down in his seat by the horde of children.

“You two have terrible communication skills!” Hannah put her hands on her hips, glaring at the male and female leads. “And at this rate you two are headed towards a bad end.”

“What?” Penny shook her head. “We communicate just fine!”

“If that is what you think good communication is, I hate to see what you think bad looks like!” Adam rolled his eyes. “Just because you both are technically speaking words in the same language does not mean you can communicate.”

“Yeah, what they said.” Selina, the quiet one of the three, finally spoke up.

“Listen you little…” Charles started to swear, but stopped, sputtering, when Selina sprayed him in the face.

PSST!

“Sorry, could you repeat that? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of the stupid coming out of your mouth.”

Charles tried to stand up, a hand raised threateningly, only to scream in pain as Bel put him into an arm lock and expressionlessly forced him back onto his bench.

“Hands to yourself, and listen to the children.”

“Why should I listen to these snot nosed brats?”

“Because even children have more common sense than you two. Also if you don’t listen I’ll just beat you both up until you agree.”

“YEAH! OUR MOM WILL BEAT YOU UP!” Hannah shouted.

“AND THEN OUR DAD WILL EAT YOU!” Adam added.

Hannah looked back at her brother, whispering. “Dad doesn’t eat people!”

He shrugged in response.  “They don’t know that.”

Selina stepped forward.

“First” She pointed at the hero. “Charles here is leaving to deal with assassin’s hired by his estranged father. They told him that if he doesn’t return home to take over the family business, they will have his love…” She pointed at Penny. “YOU… killed. He’s worried that if for some reason he doesn’t make it, that you would blame yourself. So he hopes to keep you in the dark, to protect you.”

“How did you know that?!” Charles burst out, and then looked chagrined as he realized he had confirmed her words.

“You really are trying to protect me? You’re not trying to trick or dump me?” Penny looked relieved.

“I’m sorry, Dear, I just was worried… I love you!”

“I love you too…”

PSST!

Selina sprayed Penny this time.

“What was that for?! We cleared the misunderstanding!” Penny wiped her face with hand, annoyed.

Hannah and Adam joined their sister.

“Oh really? You’ve talked about everything?”

“Not hiding any story-changing, unnecessary secrets?”

Penny paused, looking guilty. Charles panicked, holding her hand. “What is it? No matter what, we’ll face it together!”

“Like you were going to face your family?”

“… Sorry.”

“it’s okay. I’ve been hiding a secret too.” She glanced over at the three bright eyed children and their brandished water dispensers with a shudder. “...I’m pregnant.”

“…” Charles sat back, obviously shocked.

“I knew you wouldn’t be happy!” With a cry, Penny tried to run away.

PSST!

All three children sprayed her back down into her seat.

“Nice try, heroine, but avoiding difficult conversations and living in unnecessary misunderstandings isn’t gonna happen around us!” Hannah smiled, the expression strangely threatening for a child.

“Fine.” She timidly stared at the hero. “What are you thinking?”

Charles stood up, and wordlessly hugged Penny into his arms. “I love you!” He spun her around in a circle, and then panicked, setting her down gently. “I’m sorry! I picked you up while you’re pregnant! Is our baby okay?! Should I take you to the hospital?!”

Penny laughed. “Baby and I are fine.”

He hugged her again, this time very gently. “I won’t leave you. We’ll face everything: this pregnancy, our families… side by side.” He knelt down in front of her. “Marry me?”

“We’re already married?”

“That was an arranged marriage, let’s get married because WE want to!”

“YES!” The two hugged again, while the three children and Bel looked on approvingly, with polite applause.

“Not bad." Adam commented.

"Yeah, some good listening, some compromise…” Hannah added.

“They’re still both idiots.” Selina muttered under her breath, and then forced a smile. “I mean, good job!” She gave a halfhearted thumbs up, which the other two mimicked.

“Um… thanks.” The hero and heroine paused, staring confused at the three. “Who are you guys? And how do you know so much about us?”

The children took a fancy pose. “We’re the Hero Rehabilitation Unit! Although we’re missing our other brother who’s over there with our dad!” Hannah pointed at us. “He’s a big villain dragon and is awesome! Our Mom is an almighty inhuman existence that can travel to infinite worlds!”

“What…?

Bel pulled them away. “Just ignore us, and don’t keep secrets from each other from now on! Communication is the key to a healthy marriage!”

“Mom! You were supposed to pose with us!”

“I never agreed to that!”

I watched my wife argue with our children, once again feeling relieved again that she had taken this whole: having-four-children-at-once thing in stride. We hadn’t been sure what to expect, given our different natures. But four eggs all at once… was definitely still a shock.

After the hatching, we had moved back to the vampire world that we had been before. Selina the familiar was a godsend during those crazy first months. Watching her quip and sarcasm her way through four newborns, including her namesake, had been entertaining. Although her sense of humor definitely had rubbed off on the kids.

And now they have grown. However, being half-dragon, half-immortal System, they aged a bit slowly. At least they could all freely change between dragon and human forms since birth, unlike a full-blooded dragon like myself who could only change at adulthood.

Bel saw me staring, and gave me a smile. The love I saw in the expression made my heart beat faster. I loved my wife more every day. Although I HAD been worried at first, after the System and Adonis had been defeated. She and I both knew the deal I made, what I had done to follow her. I was terrified that she might leave me now that she knew everything. She could have shunned me, never saw me again, and I wouldn't have blamed her for it. Her response at the time, instead, had healed my fractured soul.

"When I look at you, Liam, I don't see a hero or a villain. You agreed to the System's deal, yes. You risked countless worlds, putting my safety in front of all of their lives. But if you hadn't, I would have failed, and the whole universe would still be heading for destruction. Some may judge us, some may agree with us. All I can say is, given the same choice as you... I would do the same."

I still felt guilty at times, but as I traveled the realms with my wife and children, saving worlds. I slowly made peace with the past. No one would be enslaved by fate again. We would save realms like my home world from destruction. Just like my grandfather wished, we lived out our days with joy and peace. I hoped our happiness would allow my grandfather's soul to rest.

I smiled back at Bel.

“Dad!” My son Kellen called my attention again. “You didn’t answer my question! Do you have a treasure?”

I smiled at him, and then nodded and pointed over at his mother, Bel.

My wife. My love. My heart. My home.

My treasure.

[idkmanwtfishumanityanymore]

GOOOOOOOOOOOD EVENING DWELLERS OF TUMBLR AND TSBS FANS ALIKE! I JUST FINISHED COOKIN’ UP A NEW ESSAY. HOPE Y’ALL CAN TOLERATE HEAT, CAUSE THIS ONES GONNA BE SPICY

FIRST FUCKING OFF, USING THEM AS CLICKBAIT? AGAIN? REALLY? WOOOOOOOW GREAT TO SEE YOU’VE LEARNED NOTHING. GREAT TO SEE Y’ALL DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE FANBASE.

SECOND OFF, OHOHOHOHO BOY. HOLD MY MENTOS GUM AND SPRITE, BECAUSE THIS IS GONNA GET FUCKING UGLY.

OKAY SO LIKE 2 MINTUES IN YOU’RE DRILLING IT INTO EVERYONE THAT THE TWINS ARE “IRREDEEMABLE”, WHEN AS I’VE SAID BEFORE, THEY FUCKING AREN’T. WE *SAW* THAT THEY COULD HAVE HAD ATLEAST A CHANCE WHEN THEY LIVED WITH FOXY AND FC.

AND YOU’RE SAYING THAT BLOODMOON HAVING A CODE WITHIN THEM THAT *MADE* THEM *NEED* TO KILL AND CONSUME BLOOD, WHICH IS ALREADY CANONICALLY ESTABLISHED SEVERAL *FUCKING* TIMES, IS A HEADCANON WE MADE UP???? WHAT???

OH AND DON’T EVEN GET ME *STARTED* ON ECLIPSES WHOLE “I made them to cause chaos” BULLSHIT. YOU MADE THEM, *FOR KILLING*. I IMPLORE ANYONE READING TO PULL UP THE RECEIPTS FOR THESE, BECAUSE THEY *FUCKING EXIST,* AND STITCHWRAITH HAD THE *GALL* TO SAY “THEY’LL ACCUSE US OF RETCONNING”, OF COURSE WE’LL SAY YOU’RE RETCONNING WHEN *LITERALLY* FUCKING *ARE.*

I’D HAVE REALLY THOUGHT YOU’D STOP BEING *DICKS* TO YOUR COMMUNITY AFTER WE COLLECTIVELY CAME TOGETHER TO PROTEST LAES BEING TERMINATED, BUT NOOOOOOOOOOO.

THIS WHOLE EPISODE WAS JUST THEM SHITTING ON US, EITHER BY SHITTING ON OUR THEORIES, OR JUST SHITTING ON US IN GENERAL, THEY WERE JUST BEING DICKS TO THEIR ENTIRE COMMUNITY, NOT *JUST* BLOODMOON DEFENDERS THIS TIME.

BACK TO THE BLOODMOON TOPIC THOUGH, ECLIPSE SWID THAT THIS PODCAST WAS OF “IRREDEEMABLE VILLAINS”, SO WHY THE *FUCK* IS HE THERE WHEN HE’S *HAD* A CANON REDEMPTION ARC? WHY IS STITCHWRAITH THERE WHEN THEY GOT A HINTED AT REDEMPTION OF SORTS BY SAVING FOXY AND FC?? WHY ARE 2 VILLAINS WHO’VE CANONICALLY HAD SOME FORM OF REDEEMING QUALITY, ON A PODCAST OF “IRREDEEMABLE VILLAINS”, BUT STILL SAY THAT BLOODMOON IS COMPLETELY IRREDEEMABLE?

PAIRING THEM WITH THE OTHER ACTUALLY REDEEMED OR SEMI-REDEEMABLE CHARACTERS JUST *PROVES OUR POINT.*

THE TWINS, COULD HAVE BEEN, REDEEMED. MUST I REMIND EVERYONE THAT BLOODY COMPLETELY *BROKE* INSIDE WHEN HIS BROTHER DIED? DOES ANYONE WHO CAN BE SO UTTERLY BROKEN AND NUMB FROM A LOSS, REALLY COUNT AS IRREDEEMABLE?

FROM WHAT I’VE RESEARCHED, (AND YES. I DO FUCKING RESEARCH ON THIS SHIT), IRREDEEMABLE MEANS THEY HAVE *ZERO* REDEEMING QUALITIES, NONE, NADA, ZILCH.

BEING UTTERLY AND COMPLETELY BROKEN OVER THE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE, IS NOT WHAT WOULD BE IN AN “IRREDEEMABLE VILLIAN”, BECAUSE HAVING ANY REDEEMING QUALITIES, *MAKES THEM REDEEMABLE.*

TELL ME, READERS, WHEN YOU THINK OF A COMPLETELY IRREDEEMABLE, DISGUSTING, HORRIBLE VILLAIN, DO YOU THINK OF;

A: Someone with no remorse, no sympathy or empathy, no attachment to anyone, and just a pure drive to torment and slaughter

OR

B: Someone who is completely and utterly SHATTERED by the loss of a loved one, to the point they begin to lose themself, lose the will to live, and actively TRY to die. Someone who can and DOES feel sympathy and empathy, but only for people they care about?

Me personally, from my research, A IS IRREDEEMABLE, AND B IS REDEEMABLE.

GUESS WHICH ONE IS FUCKING B???

BLOODMOON.

I WILL NOT BE SILENCED. I WILL NOT TOLERATE BEING TREATED (even if not PERSONALLY) LIKE I’M *CRAZY* FOR DEFENDING A CLEARLY REDEEMABLE CHARACTER.

I WILL NOT TOLERATE THEM BACKTRACKING AND RETCONNING PRE-ESTABLISHED LORE JUST TO FIT THEIR *OWN PREFERENCES*

while sure, some may argue; “These are *their* characters, *their* story, and *they’re* the ones in control of it, not us!”

THAT DOESN’T GIVE THEM THE RIGHT TO FLAT OUT CLAIM WE’RE MENTALLY UNSTABLE FOR DEFENDING A FICTIONAL CHARACTER WHO JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE A MURDER HOBO.

I, AND MANY OTHERS, ARE FUCKING *SICK* OF BEING CALLED CRAZY, UNSTABLE, MENTALLY DERANGED, INSANE, ETC, FOR DEFENDING A FICTIONAL CHARACTER, WHOSE WORST CRIME IS A BODY COUNT IN THE THOUSANDS.

PEOPLE DEFEND CHARACTERS WITH WORSE CRIMES ALL THE TIME, AND SURE THE FANBASE ITSELF CALLS THEM (rightfully, especially if they’re defending a character whose S/A’d people before) CRAZY, BUT DO THE CREATORS CALL THEM CRAZY? NO? BUT THE WRITERS HERE CAN CALL US DERANGED FOR DEFENDING A COMPLETELY FICTIONAL MURDERER?

THE MATH, ISN’T, MATHING.

THEY JUST DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO ADMIT THAT THEY DESTROYED A CHARACTER WITH POTENTIAL TO BE A BETTER PERSON, BECAUSE THEY COULD. BECAUSE THEY DON’T CARE HOW IT’LL AFFECT THEIR FANBASE. BECAUSE THEY DON’T CARE THAT PEOPLE WILL RIGHTFULLY BOYCOTT THEIR CHANNEL AND SCREW THEIR “BUSINESS”.

IT’S FURTHER PROVEN THAT THEY’RE JUST MAKING UP FOR THEIR MISTAKES AS SHITTY WRITERS, BY THROWING THE TWINS AT US IN THE MOST CLICKBAITY WAY POSSIBLE AND ESSENTIALLY SAYING; “HERE TAKE YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER AND SHUT UP ALREADY”.

This concludes my… *calculating how long it took me to write this bc of how many breaks I had to take from being livid* overnight essay about the recent clickbait usage of BloodMoon and the writers “justification” of their actions via retconning. Eat up, feel free to add on, I’m gonna go fucking die now.

(For legal reasons, by die, I mean sleep because of how mentally draining this whole ordeal is and consistently will be until they fix their fuck ups or atleast admit to it.)

[sotogalmo]

3:00 am (4 days ago) — 12:34

“Come, my prince, kiss me in that forest...”

@alien-til-i-stage / @starry-skiez (small but lots of mentions of Ciaran) :

@solei-eclipse / @junebluues / @chokkito / @4listr / @aakaneeee / @rockwgooglyeyes / @teapotuser + @bluemoonscape

Before it all— continuing from my other post, which is the aftermath.

"now, let's get some rest. Tomorrow is a very special day, is it not?" Yume has said, a lot of the times after seeing the 'Sun' set while being in the garden.

It's something that he's cherished, but not outrightly stated that it's something he liked doing. It's more like a gift- that's what Yume has thought and called it

Sleep is a gift; and those who are able to sleep are given such a gift because it's necessary for them (not for me, they wanted to see if they can push me to the end)

And such a gift, is good for them.

And it's something he wanted to learn about; it's not that weird that he watches others, isn't it?

He's learning about it, and it's better to do it up close and personal- a hands-on type of experiment. So it's not weird of him to stare.

It's actually quite normal for him to stare at others.

Seeing others sleep, whether they sleep within seconds or take longer- it's all interesting to him.

They are also in weird and funny positions to sleep in... But it's nice that they trust him when they fall asleep next to him.

He, Yume Nagai -"the sleep potentate"- finds it's very nice of them to trust him with such dreams and how close he is to them (physically, he doesn't really know what happens in their dreams, but he hopes it's nothing but what they want)

But it seems whenever they sleep close to him, they have happy dreams!

That makes him.. feel... Nice about himself. And it gives him purpose.

To which, he couldn't help but let his mind wander thru his past as he stared at some of them sleeping.

His past before he met the ones in his class; before he met his class.

His past where he would indulge in his own choosing of hanging out with Ald, for as long as he can. That has him asking questions, and never getting a full straight answer— but the fact that he can hang out and hear his voice?

Ah, it's so wonderful that it just drives him wild.

Even if Ald later down the line forgot about him and then got a new pet, oh what was his name? Sebstian? Sebastion? No one cares.

Yume had loved him since they had their first meeting; when they first looked at each other and then a spark happened.

And he was helpful too! Since he could bring Ald to greatness and provide wealth for him; he was technically the son of a doctor.

And he didn't mind! He actually accepted it, outright. And if it means that the silly childhood promise they both made when they met, could be kept in like a secret; a place where he will compromise for Ald's forgetfulness—

Because as long as he has him, surely everything will be alright. Even if he forgets- as long as they are together physically; he can be safe and sweet.

...

To which, it connects to what he's been seeing and what he's seeing right now. Someone is having trouble sleeping- someone not close to him, so they're fine.

But some of them seem to be in a nightmare; granted, Sebastian always has nightmares or just plain black dreams. so it's not surprising when it comes to him—

But for the others. It's a bit of a surprise. But then again, this places does bring them so much anxiety- fear and relentless horror. Even if they don't know it.

At least the subtle-ness of such a place gets to them subconsciously. It always was like that for him, so most likely it's for the others too. It would make sense

And in a way, he has just the right thing for them that can soothe them and bring much happier dreams than the ones that they're having. Well- not really, and he doesn't feel up to it.

In a way, he's jealous because they can have this gift of being human and having a rest. It's a gift that many of them have shared with others since the very start of their birth.

But, also- he's helpful to them because he can lure them to sleep— he was helpful for Ald!

He thinks he's helpful for the others because of how he can help them with their sleeping habits. And it makes him happy that he can help them; which has turned into a thing he does for the sake of their health and overall happiness.

Everyone has worries that weigh them down from day to day, he knows that with perfect -unchained, unscorecard, and unrestrained- knowledge because he's always seen worry.

"mama" he would first think, and then- "or papa... I don't know which is more fitting for them, but mama gives me... makes me a tiny bit of.. happiness..."

But then he'll just continue this train of thought: "mama and every other person I was able to see.. I could see their worries plain as day. Even with their sleeplessness, it wasn't hard to find it. It's under their eyelids, they are called "eye bags" I've been told by ama." — "and that was why some of them have been so surprised when I went up to them, whenever I could. I think."

"But! Now! With this medicine I plan on making, with the tiny leaves I've gathered when I was out playing with Ciaran (ah, ciaran..), and the.. cuts I gave myself. Leaves and liquid are important for making a cure, right?"

Yume hums a small tone, nothing significant. Just something that he regularly hums whenever he's too deep into his mind— "repeated tasks in uninspiring daily life, deepest longings.. ah, you know. Only inside a dream, you can leave it all behind-"

He's thought of that, too many times.

To close his eyes, cast away anything - anyone - everyone and everything he's tired of because if-

Ah. You already know that though. I bet you do, it's the main reason why he was made!

Such irony.

That he, now also does the same for the same reason; to lose himseld in his mind inside of his realities, where it's all true! (oh, who needs reality when you can dream? It's very simple!)

.

. .

. . .

. . . .

. . . . .

. . . . . .

. . . . . .

. . . . .

. . . .

. . .

. .

.

.... . / .-- .- .-.. -.- . -.. / - --- / - .... . -- .-.-.- / --. .. ...- .. -. --. / - .... . -- / .- / --. .. ..-. - .-.-.- / .- / --. .. ..-. - / ..-. --- .-. / - .... . -- / - --- / -... . / ..-. .-. . . / ..-. .-. --- -- / - .... . / .-.. .. ..-. . / - .... .- - / .. ... / .- -. .- -.- - / --. .- .-. -.. . -. .-.-.- / .- / --. .. ..-. - --..-- / .- / -... .-.. ..- . / ...- .. .- .-.. .-.-.- / .- / ...- .. .- .-.. / .. -. / .... .. ... / .... .- -. -.. / - .... .- - / .. ... / -.. .- -- .- --. . -.. / -... . -.-- --- -. -.. / .-. . - ..- .-. -. --..-- / .- -. -.. / - .... .- - / -... .-.. ..- . / ...- .. .- .-.. / .-.. --- --- -.- ... / .-.. .. -.- . / .-- .- - . .-. .-.-.- / ... ..- .-. . .-.. -.-- / - .... .. ... / --. .. ..-. - / .. ... / -. --- / .--. --- .. ... --- -. -.-.-- / -... . -.-. .- ..- ... . / .-- .... -.-- / .-- --- ..- .-.. -.. / .. - / -... . ..--.. / .-- .... -.-- / .-- --- ..- .-.. -.. / .... . / --. .. ...- . / - .... . -- / ... ..- -.-. .... / .- / - .... .. -. --. ..--.. / .... . / -.-. .- .-. . ... / ..-. --- .-. / - .... . -- .-.-.- / - .... . ... . / .-.. --- .-- .-.. -.-- / .--. . - ... / --- -. .-.. -.-- / .-- .- -. - .. -. --. / .- -. -.. / .-- .- .. - .. -. --. / ..-. --- .-. / - .... . / --. .-. .. -- .-.-.- / - .... . / -- ..- .-. -.- -.-- / .-- .- - . .-. --..-- / - --- --- / -.. .- .-. -.- / -.-- . - / .. - .----. ... / ... - .. .-.. .-.. / .-..-. .-- .- - . .-. .-..-. .-.-.- / .- / --. .. ..-. - / - --- / .- .-.. .-.. / --- ..-. / - .... . -- .-.-.- / -. --- .-- / --- ..-. ..-. / .. -. - --- / .... .- .--. .--. -.-- / -.. .-. . .- -- ... --..-- / .- .-.. .-.. / - .... . / -.-. .... .. .-.. -.. .-. . -. / ... .... .- .-.. .-.. / -.. .-. .. ..-. - / - --- / - .... . .. .-. / ... .- ..-. . / .... .- ...- . -. .-.-.-

But now,

I can—

Be free.....

Yume hums a small tone, nothing significant. Just something that he regularly hums whenever he's too deep into his mind— He thinks he's helpful for the others because of how he can help them with their sleeping habits; he's shown that! His vial, his medicine- his "gift". And it makes him happy that he can help them; which has turned into a thing he does for the sake of their health and overall happiness.

For the sake of his—

CRASH. (Wink)

Oh?

Ah.

That rat— vermin, again.

Isn't it?

Roaming the halls, seems like he's not actually a heavy sleeper; but that's to be expected. He's always on the worry side of everything.

That's what Ald has been telling him, when he was first adopted he would make these small mistakes just like a new-born fawn! Ald found it funny, and so does Yume.

Hah, how can a faun- a deer survive in these conditions?

Ah.

But if he finds out; oh. He might tell the others— he seems to be that type of person, either way.

A scaredy cat that makes too many mistakes that it's funny, a mouse that tells on others, a rat that hears and whines, a vermin who's nothing but pest— nothing but oblivious to the idea that Yume has; that will set them both and many others free from this place.

So, yes. He has “"broken in"”. Not his fault that the aliens didn't trust him enough to watch the others...

.

. .

. . .

. . . .

. . . . .

. . . . . .

They met.

Face to face—

Once again. But this time with no "axe" behind Yume as to "disregard" his 'clone' (ahahah, ahahaha! funny- because he's the one and only Yume Nagai. Why would there be clones of him?)

They were standing near- so damn near- the entrance of the garden.

The ever-shifting colored box; the top of it open. They could see the stars- the other planets— everything.

. .

. . .

But that doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter to him; Yume. It doesn't matter.

It shouldn't, and it doesn't matter.

Why is Sebastian so resistant? Why does he hesitate (Drink up the vial. Take a breath; Suck out the poison, let it touch you) ? Why does he second guess, everything given to him?

This gift, why does he wake so easily from it?

This gift, why does he always worry it would never work?

This gift, why does he call it "nightmare"?

... Yume walks away; oh, he doesn't want to spend a MINUTE longer with this ginger!

He always makes him confused, questioning himself; but of course! What he thinks about Sebastian is nothing but rivalry!

Why should he feel connected, and feel just the same when he was with Ald (with Ciaran)?

Sebastian is the total opposite of them, and that doesn't feel nice.

Yume is now back in his room. Not alone, but he's back in his room. In all honesty, that's better than being in the halls where the others could see them.

This is better, because he can now- revisit the way he did his cure. (Feelin' feelin' feelin' feelin' f e a r)

And maybe have someone taste it (Drink up the vial. Take a breath; Suck out the poison, let it touch you) out! To see if it's perfect for the others.. even if he already gave those said others (those nobodies) their peace!

Yume sits back down, close to the area where he was making his cure; his gift to them all. Before he heard Sebastian's voice;

Of course it wobbled, but only a slight bit before he 'yelled' (more like he whispered this out loud in a very hushed but loud voice)— "Stop this already!"

To which? Of course, Yume responded, in the same tone and everything. You don't want the others to catch you, right?

"Stop what?"

Sebastian's hands waved around in the air (With a slight fever,) as he tried to remember what Yume called that glass bottle- "this- that thing that you're creating!—

You can't keep making it-!" Such a ""hero"" (but he is here with a weapon.. no, it can't be.)

"Why not!? Why not!? What's so bad about finally having rest!?" (wink.) "I'm here to save you all!"

"To start the end of the beginning."

"......"

"So I can finally meet him again... I have to do this."

"How are you so sure that this will make you meet him?"

"you... you just want to die!"

"AND!?"

"if I DIE, then they'll surely ask you about me. And he- he'll ask you about me! He'll finally talk about me!"

"Also...." Yume stopped for a bit, lowering his hoarse voice.

"Are how you so sure, I'll die? I know I will, but I'll not stay dead for long. I know it for sure." Saying it with such childishly sweet reassurance.

Sebastian gripped his scissors. Wondering if that tone should've been comforting, or something. It sounds— wrong. Like it's not supposed, to be that childish. That sweet- that unbothered.

Yume held onto his box cutters, the ones he found and hid away from the aliens- so very well.

"Besides. You know what Ald eats."

Sebastian shudders at the memories of seeing.. three? Or possibly more, human bodies that sometimes look like him; with the same clothes and everything-! The same rat hats, same rat tail belts, and everything. (Even the same things that the other pets would hunt- everything was prey. He was prey. But he lived; why? What's so interesting about him? Why did Ald keep him alive?)

"I only hope to be helpful to him. To be his resource, to be his~."

Sebastian looked away as he slightly drew blood from his own hand holding onto his scissors too tightly. "I should've known it would be like this, for that reason.. because you are weird, and a freak... ..... but why.. just why Yume..."

"it's only natural, that I'll finally be useful to him. And that they'll never let me go... I'm too important to them."

"Why.."

"Isn't painful? Suffocating?

Do you just want to escape it all?"

He's being... He's being vulnerable.

"Too tired of it all?" (A woman is eavesdropping on them; she lightly shakes and then looks down while having her robe on. She understands what he's saying.....)

"But."

What do you mean "but"? (Drink up the vial

Take a breath

Wink

Suck out the poison

Let it touch you)

"That's alright. It's fine; it's just how- and the way humans are."

You're saying that like you're.. you, yourself aren't human.... (Save this game, Mr. A)

Yume brings his box cutters to a spot on his wrist, like he's an expert at such harm (he is, just look at how he needed a glove to hide his marks!)— he didn't even have to look at his arm; his hand.

He knew just the spot, and he knew how to finish his cure; his gift— the heaven's blessing.

Love's love.

.

. .

. . .

His own blood.

If he can't give it to Ald (not Ald, not Ald. It's Ciaran), then he can at least "accidentally" give it to him.

The leaves, his blood, the poppy lookalike flowers (they are called ANAKT flowers, but he doesn't buy it. Fake? Of course, but it's the best he can do)- along with one silvervine.

Sebastian looks around, continuing to draw blood from his sweaty palm that is holding onto his weapon (Still covering my right eye

I check the tears). ..... He's thinking of doing what he should do- as a way to stop this craziness (yes, he knows that Yume has already been crazy from the start since they met, but this— ....)

A cut; and the drip-drip-drip of fresh blood. The metal smell overwhelms Sebastian, as he dashes forwards to pull Yume away; getting some of it (the blood, the blood coming from Yume's already too far gone wrist) way from the small bottle that Yume has been working on for who knows how long..

To which?

Yume attacks.

How DARE he stop this!

He would've dragged him down with him later or earlier, but now it seems like he should drag him down with him; NOW.

If Sebastian is acting like this, then he must surely want to be dead with him right now— but he can't.. he doesn't have the strength for it. (The woman outside of their door, starts to leave. They don't pay attention- but surely the guards might've- should've heard of her steps. It seems to be close to morning? The time where they would put the place in "day mode"; pink hair in cat-ear like buns sways, leaving with a younger girl who has ear-length ginger brown hair)

So it was easy for Sebastian, the one who can hold an alien back by one hand, to hold him in place and to at least try and help— keyword; try.

He tries.

He doesn't succeeds.

Yume scratches at his arm's bicep.

Not necessarily with his nails, but also with his box cutter. It's easy to do that (he had to, switch? the placement of his box cutters onto the other hand because his hand is bleeding out. Slowly, but still).

He was giving something back; he was giving that pain back. Not to the actual one who caused it, but the one who caused confusion for him.

He lightly smirked again, a last time type of smirk; the same smirk he had when they first met (God, Sebastian thinks, this makes me sound cheesy as hell. As if I liked him- no, not that. As if I "loved" him.....)

But his smirk was hiding something. Sebastian just knows it; how can he smile like this? And use so much force to crave words into his biceps....

He's—

you had used me, and abused me, made me feel small. You had cast aside my feelings, treated me like a doll. Even long before the gift, you'd broken my heart.

It was all I could do to tear the damn place apart! (I'll scream until I rot away)

They are face to face again.

Sebastian is holding in his tears (he doesn't want to be seen as weak, or pathetic. He doesn't like tears because of that. He only wants to be helpful)

Yume is ever smiling back at him.

. . . This feels so weird...

it's a medicine, it brings sleep make no mistake. And the sleep's eternal, so you never shall wake.

With what he can do for now, he reaches over to the glass bottle. Sebastian doesn't move, as he only tighten his grip onto him- trying so much.

"This is okay. This is okay." Yume said, what is he trying to achieve with saying that?

My Insomnia is transformed to a thing of the past.

Yume pushes them both away from each other. Sebastian brings his scissors to Yume's shoulder; close to his neck and collarbone (he wanted to stop this, in one way to another. Even if blood is made. He has to chase his heart) — to that, Yume somewhat whined. Only for a little bit

No longer the sleep princess, instead the sleeping beauty~—

.

. .

. . .

. . . .

. . . . .

. . . . .

. . . .

. . .

. .

.

The same pink haired woman is lightly seen. She's with— no.

It can't be.

It must be a clone, at least!

[rubberduckyrye]

LET'S GIVE IT EVERYTHING WE'VE GOT--

IT'S PUNISHMENT TIME!

His name is Kurochi Ouma. He just kicked the chair out from under him.

He is hanging by a noose that crushes his wind pipe, making him unable to breathe.

But in his final moments he realized all too late one crucial mistake--that he doesn't want to die. That he has things to live for.

He is the Ultimate Cryptographer. He is good at puzzle solving and mathematics. He is smart.

But smarts can't save him now. There are no ledges to stand on. There are no tools in his reach.

He tries and tries to solve the puzzle to save his own life. But he fails. This maze of Sudoku will be his tomb.

He wants to live. He wants to live. He wants to l i v e.

But it's too late.

He's already kicked the chair from under him.

[cringelordofchaos]

Anyway I was watching season 1 and I like how Stan really can't get himself to kill anyone (like any other sane eight year old) meanwhile Kyle is almost always down to murder whenever possible☠️ what is wrong with him lmao

more emotional Stan version (wasn't sure if it was too ooc or nah but I drew it anyway)

[bellysoupset]

Jonah was fast asleep, dreaming even, when he heard a little noise, that sounded like a cry. He frowned in his sleep, until the mewl turned into a voice and he heard a sleepy, whiny "Jon. Jonah, wake up-" he forced his eyes open, rubbing at them, still dizzy with sleep.

"Ange-" Jonah looked around the room. It was the middle of the night, and their shared hotel room was dark still. Angie was sitting up in the bed opposite to him, a pink silk bonnet on top of her head, and a frown between her brows, "what..."

"Your phone is ringing nonstop," she yawned, settling back down against the pillows and closing her eyes, "turn it off."

Jon was suddenly much more awake.

He had been trying, and failing, not to be clingy. Twenty four hours without hearing from Leo was fine, right? Since they had this huge time difference between them...? Sure, Leo had been ignoring even his texts, but it was just 24 hours-

Jonah's mood tanked as he grabbed his phone and saw four missed calls, but not from Leo. Lucas.

He was Luke's emergency contact, had been most of his life, and Jonah felt a wave of nausea wash over him. He sat up in bed, squinting at the too bright screen. It was 4:34 AM, so a little past 10 PM for Luke. Not a social call.

Jon hit the return call button and got up, walking to the bathroom in order not to wake up Angie with his voice, shutting the door behind him.

It rang and rang, then Bella picked it up, "hi, Jon," she sounded very awake, "I'm gonna get Luke for you, just a minute."

Straight to the point, he loved that about Bell.

"He's okay?"

"Luke? Yeah, he's fine," Bella sounded distracted and Jonah pulled back the phone, clicking the camera icon and rubbing at his face. Bella picked it up and Jon immediately frowned.

She was inside Luke's car, he could tell by the ceiling and the beige details, her hair up in a messy mop of curls and she was wearing one of her husband's old team hoodies, their university letters brightly displayed against her chest. It was the middle of the night, like he predicted and there was a bright light coming from outside the window-

"Where are you? What's going on, Bella?"

"Outside the grocery store," Bella yawned, "we're heading to your place. Wendy called me, about... An hour ago? Something happened with Leo, I don't know- HE'S OKAY," she exclaimed, probably seeing the way Jonah paled and how he nearly dropped the phone, "he's okay. He's home, but something happened and I don't know what, just that you need to come home. That's why Luke was calling."

"Did- Did Wendy tell Lucas?" Jonah was more than a little confused. He was Wendy's best friend, why didn't she just...call him? About Leo? Why call Luke- That sounded convoluted and messy.

There was a noise, the rain getting louder, paper bags and then the door closing, then Luke appeared on the screen, rain running down his hair, "hi-hi Jon-" his teeth chattered and Bella passed him the phone, moving away from the screen, probably to turn on the heater, "We-Wendy ca-ca-"

"Why did she call you and not me? Luke, what's going on, I'm freaking out-"

"She-she said Leo made her promise not to call you," Luke planted the phone in the car's dashboard, rubbing his hands vigorously to warm them up, "but that he needs you ho-home. Something to do with his mom...?"

Jonah felt sick. His head was spinning, the words he needs you home turning and turning in his head.

"His mom...? I thought- What? His mom? Are you sure you heard that right?" He leaned heavily against the door and heard as Luke repeated his words.

"I'm sure," Lucas' voice was calmer now that he wasn't trembling, "she needed to leave for her hospital shift and asked us to go over to your place. Said Leo shouldn't be alone."

Fuck.

If nothing had scared him yet, this certainly would. This meant Wendy was putting Leo under watch... That she thought he was a danger to himself?

"Jonah, hey," Bella's voice cut through the ringing noise in his ears, "nothing is going to happen with him. We're going over, we're not gonna let him out of our sight and you'll be here soon. I promise you, we got this."

"Yeah," Lucas agreed, "You're still in Amsterdam, right?"

"Yes-" How did Luke even know- Angie. He probably was keeping contact with Angelina, she had mentioned they texted.

"There's a flight leaving from Schiphol in two hours, I got you two tickets," Lucas was in his full project manager role, "tell Angie to text me, I'll figure out her staying over situation."

"She can-" he was about to say she can stay with me, before he realized Luke was very purposefully making it clear she couldn't, "okay. I'll talk with her. I- Fuck," his voice trembled and Jonah let go off his phone on top of the sink, bracing against it as he took measured breaths.

There was a deafening silence, safe for his heart beating like crazy. Jonah's head was spinning and he forced the air slowly out of his mouth, swallowing forcefully when the motion nearly turned into a gag.

He coughed and heard Luke cursing, his voice muffled since the phone was on top of a towel. Jonah cleared his throat, swallowing down and splashing some cool water. Lucas and Bell wouldn't be calling that calmly if Leo was in real danger. Nope.

"You get there and you keep me updated. I'm serious, I want every fucking detail, I wanna know what socks he's wearing," Jonah bossed, picking up the phone once more. Bella offered him a tight smile, while Luke nodded, not even questioning it.

"Absolutely. Have a safe flight."

-------------------------------------

Leo knew Wendy had called Bella, which meat she had called Lucas, which meant Vince knew, which meant Jonah either already knew by now or was going to very soon.

He glanced at clock in the microwave. 11 PM. It was 5 AM in Amsterdam, hopefully none of his friends had decided to wake up Jon in a panic in the middle of the night. Hopefully.

"I'm sorry, I really have to go, but they should be here in ten minutes," Wendy's voice drifted down the hallway and Leo looked away from his Tostitos turning around in the microwave, "are you gonna be okay? I-Just say the word-"

"Wendy," Leo leveled her with a fond, but exasperated look, "go. You're already late."

She frowned, crossing her arms to her chest and Leo stared back at her, not intimidated in the least. He turned so his body was facing her, "I'm not gonna jump out of the balcony in the ten minutes it'll take Luke and Bell to get here. I promise, pinky promise."

"Good," Wendy squinted at him, "would be a dick move to jump, you'd probably land right on top of their car."

Leo let out a snort at the dark humor and Wendy's eyes softened a little bit. She was wearing borrowed clothes from his closet, not having let him out of her sight since last night and she looked ridiculous. His sweater was basically a dress on her, even if she was using her heels.

He wanted to say this was all incredibly unnecessary, that he didn't need a nanny, was a grown man and sure, it had been a shock, but he was fine- But Leo knew better than that. He had spent a grand total of forty minutes on his own while showering and those forty minutes had been all his brain needed to go down a very dark spiraling route.

Amelia's confused face as she asked "I'm sorry, have we met?"

He couldn't get that out of his mind, coming back like a splash of acid in his throat whenever he breathed in too deeply. Edward's Leo?

"Sweetheart," Wendy was suddenly much closer and Leo blinked quickly, shaking his head.

"I'm okay, go on, your supervisor will be upset if you're even more late," behind him the microwave stopped humming gently and started beeping. Wendy was frowning, looking terribly worried, but she nodded, walking at a snail pace to the door.

He wanted to thank her, but Leo instead just stared at the empty spot where she had been standing. Everything felt... Hard. Like he was moving through molasses, like he was that scared kid back home who used to sit in his bedroom floor and struggle to breathe against that sharp pain in the center of his chest.

JD meowed at him and Leo frowned as she got on her hindlegs and pawed at his knee. Another meow.

"What?"

She blinked those huge blue eyes, seeming annoyed and he crunched down to pet her, then didn't have any energy to get back up and decided to rest against the kitchen cabinets. His cat shoved her head against his chin, rubbing and meowing.

She wanted something, he just wasn't sure what. When he tried to pet her again, JD bit him. Not hard enough to break skin, just to let him know something was wrong and for him to stop.

Leo pouted, "what?" he repeated and only then he heard the knocking on the front door. Ah, she probably wanted him to make it stop.

"Leo?!" Luke's voice was strikingly clear through the door and Leo wondered how he hadn't heard until now. He unlocked the door and before he could say much more, Bella's arms were around his neck and she was pulling him down into a tight hug.

He stiffened for a second, before Bella yanked at him, not even accepting him pulling back and Leo melted into the hug. He buried his face in her curls and then let out a little muffled groan as he felt Lucas envelop them both into his arms.

"What happened?" Bella asked, when they finally pulled back, crouching down to pick up JD from the floor and plant a kiss between her ears, as Luke brought the frankly worryingly amount of groceries inside. Were they planning to stay the week or did they just assume Leo didn't know how to stock a fridge?

"Where do I start?"

"From the beginning," Bella shut the door, leaning against it.

Not much longer they were all in the living room, Leo as curled up in the couch as he could, with JD snuggled against his stomach, and a knot pressing against his throat as he finished up the short tale of what had been that encounter. He hoped Luke was enough of a gossip he'd pass it down in details to Vince, because Leo could not fathom saying it a fourth time, assuming he'd have to tell Jon as well.

"How are you?" Luke asked, squeezing Leo's ankle. He was sitting by his foot and moving closer inch by inch, "honestly."

"A mess?" Leo snorted, burying his feet under Luke's thigh, "I'm not sad or angry, I just feel... Defeated. Empty."

Raw.

It was an insanely familiar feeling and it had taken Leo a minute to place it, it was exactly what he felt at his father's funeral. A mix of relief and anger and sadness that churned up in a feeling so overwhelming it numbed everything else. Grief.

He had hated that man so much, wished his dad was dead many times, and when it happened, he felt guilty and scared for and of himself. Who wished for the death of a parent? Who felt relief when it happened? And there was the love too. Those little, tiny moments he had cherished next to Edward, that had gotten far and more sparse as the years passed. The anger, because how dare his father end it like that. The lack of thought of it all, about who'd find him - his seventeen year old son -, about the trauma he was about to inflict... And more guilt, because how dare Leo be so self absorbed to make Edward's death about himself.

It was overwhelming.

"Jonah's coming," Bella's voice was loud and clear, silver bells pulling Leo from his dark thoughts. He looked up, noticing how she had moved from the opposite couch, to sit in the coffee table, as close as she could without climbing on the couch him and Luke were currently occupying, "and we're not going anywhere. And-" she cut herself short, looking at Luke, asking him to put into words what she couldn't.

Luke was looking at him intently, as he said in a measured voice, "it wasn't your fault she left. You were a kid, there was nothing you could've done."

Leo's chest jostled with a sob, then another, then another and he folded in the middle as Luke addressed word by word a fear that was longer than their friendship, an insecurity so deep it was etched in his bones: that he wasn't good enough. That if they got close enough, stuck around for long enough, they'd see what Amelia and Edward did, whatever rotten thing it was that made one of them run, the other decide to end it all.

Lucas moved, getting down from the couch and scooting closer on the rug, until he could touch his forehead with his, pressing in "hey," he whispered, "we got you. We love you."

[macgyvermedical]

Hi Mac! Haven't got a specific question about your mental health issues, but would gladly read anything you'd like to share about it. Wish you the best with it, it sure sounds like a combination of things that would feed into each other.

Thank you!

Not entirely sure how to answer but will do my best.

The symptoms I have:

Irritability/agitation (severe without medication)

Visual hallucinations (mild without medication)

Anxiety (severe without medication)

Delusions (moderate without medication)

The irritability is the most difficult to deal with, followed by the delusions (which cause a lot of the anxiety, cause they're usually something like I'm being shot at or I have a severe health problem no one can know about or my coworkers are trying to get me fired), followed in a distant last place by the visual hallucinations, which happen mostly at night.

Despite being diagnosed with psychotic depression, I do not feel like I have the depression part. I not infrequently want to die but I don't actually feel depressed about it? It's complicated. It's more really severe agitation where I feel like I have to hold myself back from doing something deadly to myself and that's really difficult sometimes.

While I'm having a delusion I have trouble understanding that that's what's happening, but I'm lucky in that I usually have an inkling that what I'm thinking is not entirely right, even if I don't know what to do with that inkling or even recognize that that's what it is.

For example, I tend to feel the presence of someone else in my house even when there's no one there. When I used to live alone I would hear footsteps at night and combined with feeling a presence be convinced someone was there. My brain fleshed that out to mean that someone was living in my apartment that I could never "catch". I would go look and not be able to to find them, but I could always think of a reason why.

I knew that since I could never catch the person anyone I told would think I was crazy. So I didn't tell anyone at the time. But it wasn't because it was ridiculous that someone else would be living in my 500 sqft apartment with me without me knowing. It was because other people would think I was crazy if I said anything.

More recently, while I was at the hospital, I thought my wife had put me there so that she would have someone to take care of. But by that point I realized I wasn't sure I could just trust everything that came into my head so I wasn't sure what to think about that, even though it was really hard to get the thought out of my head. Plus my brain could always find a reason why everyone else was going along with her, even if they don't make sense now.

My hallucinations are mostly at night, like I said. I see shadows that aren't there and I see things run across the road if I'm driving in the dark. This really isn't a problem unless I'm driving at night. They don't scare me but they do make it harder and less safe to drive.

The anxiety was the first thing I sought help for, and an SSRI worked for me, but didn't get rid of the irritability/agitation. I then went on a third generation antipsychotic called aripiprazole, which worked amazingly well for the irritability, except that I gained 50lb and my cholesterol and blood sugar went up pretty significantly within about a year. I switched to a different 3rd generation and nothing changed, so I switched to a first generation, lost 5lb and my numbers went back to normal pretty much a month later.

The first generation antipsychotic haloperidol was also the first time I realized that the third generation meds were doing very little for my actual psychosis symptoms. For the first time in at least 5 (but probably closer to 15) years, I was thinking more clearly and making better decisions. I had an easier time prioritizing things. I wasn't distracted by hallucinations and I suddenly just didn't have delusions or strange thoughts to deal with. I no longer felt the presence of someone who wasn't there. Plus the agitation was cut way down.

My wife says it was like I did a complete 180 in how easy it was to talk to me and for us to make decisions together once I was on the haloperidol.

I am still waiting on my mix of meds to be more correct (haloperidol makes me really sleepy at doses that take care of the psychosis), especially when combined with clonidine (which I take for agitation) and gabapentin (which I take for anxiety). I am also waiting on counseling to really start (I'm only getting it about once a month right now because of scheduling and availability issues).

But yeah. That's kind of my experience right now.