#suggested conscious surgery

[otter-chaos-violence]

Here some whump. its been drifting in my google docs for a while, but here

its part of a larger series but won't be on tumblr

---

I lay on my back, reading the book Doctor Harland had just given me. I liked it thus far.

He kneeled next to me, petting my stomach while he hooked me up to some kind of machine. I dropped the book, remembering the page number, and I found myself unable to move.

“It’ll be over in a minute,” he whispered. I didn’t respond as my brain went foggy and I closed my eyes.

He bashed me in the side of the face, and my eyes flew open. 

I stared at him, and he said, “Begin test number G-1-7-8-8,”

My muscles tensed and I went numb as something inserted itself in both sides of my neck and my muscles spasmed and I thrashed abou-

—

I came to with my muscles stiff.

“Test failed,” Doctor Harland remarked. “We need to deal with the epilepsy,”

He fastened an oxygen mask over my face and put an IV in my skin.

“We’ll feed you tonight, ‘kay? Just sleep off th-,”

Darkness.

—

I opened my eyes in my bed, and Doctor Harland entered a few minutes later.

“Sit up,” he ordered. I obeyed, and he handed me my book again.

“I’ll get you a treat for sitting quietly and letting us test our new device on you,”

I didn’t respond, immersed in the book’s world. It was about a girl who discovered she was the daughter of King Oberon from ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’. Doctor Harland said he would get me the rest of the series after giving me a modern translation of the play so I could better understand it.

He held out something that smelled sweet and I took it, then ate it, my tail wagging happily.

He pet my head and I purred.

“One-two-seven-three, any strange feelings?” He asked.

“No,” I chirped. 

“Good. Good. Nausea? Tiredness? Breathing normally?”

He checked my heart rate and breathing for any abnormalities.

“Normal. Okay. Darling little test subject, we’re going to try and treat the illness that made this test fail. We’re going to cure it,”

“What illness?” I asked.

“You- have a reaction to certain things, and it causes you to stop existing for a minute, meaning we can’t do certain tests. We try to treat it and you don’t respond to medications, so we need to cut it out,”

I felt something cold on my wrist and whimpered, “No, not again, don’t look at my brain- please!”

“What? No. The procedure requires you to be awake or you’ll die, we’ve already tested it, and it’s painful. We’d give you painkillers, but that’s unsafe until after,”

I shuddered and hissed when he brought his hand to my tail. I tried to bite him as he tied it under the bed and shackled my other three wrists and my ankles to the bed.

“Please! NO!”

“It’ll all be over soon,”

He called for Doctor Fletcher and Doctor Amatris. Doctor Amatris held my chest down and Doctor Fletcher attached electrodes to my skull, and I felt like I exploded a few minutes later. I shrieked and thrashed around, when I heard something snap.

“Oh shit!” Doctor Amatris shouted.

I felt the pain dull a bit, and Doctor Harland whispered, “Its over, you’re going to have morphine tablets now,”

“Okay,” I mumbled before changing form to my more human self and laying back, my forehead caked with sweat. They undid the shackles, and Doctor Amatris took my hand in hers and the trio set my leg in a splint. 

I cried out and whimpered, “Hurts,” when Doctor Fletcher shoved a capsule into my mouth and held my lips shut until I swallowed, then gave me water.

I rolled to my side and shivered, still in deep pain. I started crying and Doctor Harland sat me up and started hand feeding me between each sob. It was cold, barely seasoned chicken, like always.

When I was done, I dove under the bed, where it was calmest, no one trying to talk to me, even though it was dark.

“One-two-seven-three, don’t be like that,” Doctor Fletcher said. “Do you want to undo all the progress in training out that habit?”

I hissed at him and swatted at his ankles, then curled into a ball and continued crying into my fur.

Doctor Amatris kneeled in front of me and held out her hand. I didn’t take it. She very gently petted the fluff on my neck, and I continued sobbing, though it made me feel a bit better.

“It’s okay,” she whispered. “The pain’s over now,”

She very slowly pulled me out, as though acclimating a fish from one tank to another. At one point I had a couple fish and a snail, and in a rage, Doctor Harland smashed the tank, killing all three of them. I cried for weeks after that, as at that point, I’d been taking care of them for four years.

“There, how do you feel?”

“Hurts,” I croaked, my voice raw. It felt like the color red to speak.

She lifted me and set me back on the bed, tucked me in like a mother would her child, and kissed me on where my forehead would be, and when she left, Doctor Harland inserted an IV into my skin. She wasn’t allowed to see it, for some reason, I wasn’t even sure if she knew.

I closed my eyes and let sleep take me.

—

What was supposed to be a dreamless sleep became a nightmare, one where I was playing with a child, and we were about the same height. It was all flashing lights and pain and fear when someone grabbed me, and-

I woke up, screaming for someone whose name I didn’t remember. The IV had broken.

I took off my oxygen mask and sobbed in the dark. Normally Doctor Harland stayed to make sure I felt safe at night, it was too dark for me. I wished I had control of my lights, but past lights-out, they couldn’t be turned on unless Doctor Harland or someone else swiped a keycard.

I heard rapid footsteps, and a woman in a dark blue uniform with a thick black stick and a big spiky club opened the door, then said into a strange black box, “False alarm. One of them woke up, over,”

A garbled voice came from the box, “How?”

“Its IV looks broken,”

“Which one?”

She stepped back and looked at the sign that said my room number with a beam of light that came from a black stick. 

I ran over and took the lightstick after a bit of back and forth, then clicked the button on and off as she said, “It just took my flashlight,”

I called, “Room 5-6-6 B!” and went back to playing with the ‘flashlight’, then grabbed my book and started reading with the concentrated beam of light.

The woman repeated the room number I gave her and said, “I’m gonna need back-up to get it back into bed, its strong,”

I got under my bed and continued reading, until someone else in a dark blue uniform grabbed me and bashed me with a spike on their club. I dropped the ‘flashlight’ and-

-

I came to with my upper wrists shackled to my bed’s headboard and my entire body numb.

“Okay, so, two hundred million watts can cause seizures. Duly noted,” the one who’d hit me with the spike muttered.

“Seizure? Watt?” I parroted, trying to get feeling back in my tongue. “Why’d you do that?”

“Holy shit it talks,” the woman said. 

“Yes I talk, why wouldn’t I talk? Also, I’m not an it, I’m- I’m a girl,”

“Someone get one of the night shift doctors,” the woman ordered. Another person left the room.

“It’s dark!” I complained.

The woman groaned and said, “Deal with it, how old are you, seven, eight?”

“Thirteen, fourteen in four months and two days,”

“How are you that old? Why haven’t you committed suicide yet?” the man asked.

“Suicide?” I’d parroted. I knew what it met at a base level, but in books they always said it in association with a stupid battle plan. 

“You know, killing yo-”

“I know what it means, I just thought it only went with wars?”

“What?”

“In books,” I chirped. I motioned to one that said it, then said the page number.

“Oh-kaaay, you can read,”

“Isn’t that normal? Well except illiteracy rates in fantasy places, but isn’t it normal now?”

The man who’d left returned with Doctor Amatris.

“One-two-seven-three, what’s wrong?” she asked.

“I had a nightmare,” I replied.

“Come here,”

“I can’t,”

She took a key from one of the security guards and unlocked my manacles, then lifted me into her arms, though it was much more awkward than when I was little, considering I was about as big as her now.

I laid my chin on her shoulder, and she carried me away, off to another room, this one with more light.

“We oughta get you a nightlight,”

“Nightlight?” I parroted. “What’s that?”

“Its a little light that plugs into a wall and makes the room brighter,”

She unhooked a little square that glowed blue until it exited the wall, “Normally they come in fun shapes, but until I go shopping tomorrow, we can use this one. I’ll get a bunch of them and let you pick them out, okay?”

“Okay,” I chirped.

She carried me back to my room and lay me on my bed, and I grabbed her arm and whimpered, “Don’t go. Don’t leave me alone,”

“I have to go back to work,”

“I’m scared,” I whimpered. 

She turned back around and fastened my oxygen mask on my mouth and nose.

“You’ll be fine. And if you wake up again, I’ll come back and keep you company ‘til you fall asleep again. Now close your eyes, goodnight, don’t let the bed bugs bite,”

“What’s a bed bug?”

“You don’t want to know,”

She shuddered and tucked me in, then kneeled next to me and rubbed my forehead to calm me. But sleep would be a long time coming. I didn’t fall asleep until all the lights turned back on.

[strobbylemonade]

filling cavities

[shiftthemoon]

will shifting ever be scientifically proven? a nerdy investigation. . .

reality shifting exists in a weird twilight zone between mysticism and science. on one hand, shifters claim full sensory experiences in different realities, describing their DRs as just as real—if not more real—than this one. on the other, skeptics dismiss it as intense imagination, an extension of lucid dreaming or dissociation at best.

so, will shifting ever be scientifically proven? will we one day have brain scans, peer-reviewed studies, and neuroscientific validation backing it up? or will it remain in the same category as astral projection and past-life regression—forever debated, never confirmed?

guys, this isn’t just a yes-or-no question. it’s a deep dive into how science deals with the unknown, how history has repeatedly proven skeptics wrong, and whether shifting might be next!!!

what science currently says: shifting vs. similar phenomena

while shifting itself hasn’t been studied in depth (yet), we do have research on similar states of consciousness—lucid dreaming, hypnosis, and even maladaptive daydreaming (to an extent). so, what does science say about these?

1. lucid dreaming: once called “impossible,” now neurologically proven

not too long ago, lucid dreaming was considered pseudoscience. the idea that someone could be conscious while dreaming sounded absurd—until researchers found a way to prove it.

scientists like stephen laberge used fMRI scans and eye movement signals from sleeping participants to confirm that lucid dreamers were indeed aware and controlling their dreams. we now know that lucid dreaming involves a unique interplay between the prefrontal cortex (responsible for self-awareness and decision-making) and the REM sleep stage.

before this research? lucid dreamers were written off as liars, delusional, or mistaking their dreams for something they weren’t. sound familiar?

2. hypnosis: once dismissed, now widely used in medicine

hypnosis was once labeled as stage magic and a party trick. today, it’s an accepted psychological phenomenon used in therapy, pain management, and even surgery (yes, surgery—some patients have undergone operations using only hypnosis as anesthesia).

neuroscientific studies show that hypnosis alters brain activity, shifting people into a highly focused state where the brain processes suggestions as reality. if science could accept that the mind can be influenced to perceive reality differently, why is shifting such a stretch?

3. maladaptive daydreaming: a new but recognized condition

maladaptive daydreaming wasn’t officially named until 2002, when professor eli somer identified it as a distinct phenomenon. before then, people struggling with excessive, immersive daydreaming were misdiagnosed with ADHD, OCD, or dissociative disorders.

now, we have concrete research proving that MD is neurologically distinct from normal imagination, linked to overactivity in the default mode network (DMN)—the brain’s self-referential system.

again, before science caught up, these people were called lazy, unfocused, or simply too imaginative. now? it’s a legitimate condition with ongoing research.

what can we take away from that? well, this formula, probably:

history repeats itself: the cycle of disbelief → proof → acceptance

science has a history of mocking what it doesn’t yet understand. let’s not forget that:

• germ theory was laughed at—until microscopes proved bacteria existed.

• deep-sea creatures? dismissed as sailor myths—until we developed better submersibles.

• lucid dreaming, hypnosis, and MD—all called “fake”, until research proved otherwise.

what does this tell us? if shifting is real, the fact that it hasn’t been proven yet doesn’t mean it won’t be. it just means science hasn’t caught up.

but, i like being thorough & unbiased, so i’ll list a few reasons i think or don’t think it’ll be proven!

reasons shifting might be proven

1. brain scans might reveal shifting-specific activity.

• fMRI studies could eventually show unique neurological patterns in shifting states, differentiating it from dreaming or imagination.

2. science is moving towards studying altered consciousness.

• lucid dreaming, astral projection, and out-of-body experiences are getting more attention in neuroscience. shifting could be next.

3. quantum theories suggest consciousness may not be confined to the brain.

• theories like the many-worlds interpretation propose infinite parallel realities—if true, shifting might be tapping into that.

4. hypnosis proves perception can be altered at a deep level.

• shifting might be a self-induced state where the brain accepts a different reality as real.

5. historical precedent shows that dismissed phenomena often get validated later.

reasons shifting might never be proven

1. there’s no scientific method to test it yet.

• unlike lucid dreaming (where we can confirm awareness inside dreams), there’s no current way to measure or prove someone is in a DR.

2. it relies on subjective experience.

• shifting is deeply personal—there’s no external way to prove someone’s consciousness is in another reality.

3. science still struggles to define consciousness itself.

• if we don’t fully understand what consciousness is, proving it can move between realities is even harder.

4. there’s no physical evidence of DRs existing.

• unless we discover parallel realities and a way to interact with them, shifting might remain in the realm of belief rather than science.

5. mainstream science is slow to accept unconventional ideas.

• even if shifting is real, it could take decades—or even centuries—for science to acknowledge it.

my verdict: will shifting ever be proven?

it depends on what shifting actually is.

• if shifting is a genuine form of multiversal travel, it might take quantum physics advancing far beyond what we currently know to validate it.

• if shifting is a unique altered state of consciousness, neuroscience might eventually find evidence through brain imaging studies.

• if shifting is something else entirely—something we don’t even have a framework for yet—it might never be proven in our lifetime.

but history has shown that just because science hasn’t proven something yet doesn’t mean it won’t. skepticism is often just delayed understanding.

so, will shifting be scientifically proven? not tomorrow, not next year—but if history has taught us anything, it’s that the impossible has a habit of becoming reality.

and when that day comes, best believe we’ll be the ones saying “told you so.”

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved in our archive

A disgustingly economic discussion that is far more clear about the realities of covid than what our governments are telling us

“There is a huge delusion at the moment that COVID is over and when we talk about it, we say ‘when the pandemic happened’ but actually it is still happening,” he said. “So, insurance companies need to be very conscious of that and to be thinking ahead. Swiss Re has a powerful role across the market to make sure that this is being thought about. “In our view, there are a range of scenarios, but most of them anticipate a return to normality in five to 10 years, depending on your level of optimism. And we think that because of the other more fundamental movements happening around cancer, lifestyle risk and eventually Alzheimer's, to name the three biggest ones, that mortality improvements will also return over the longer term.”

By Mia Wallace

“COVID-19 is far from over.”

A recent Swiss Re report suggested potential excess mortality in the general population of up to 3% in the US and 2.5% in the UK by 2033 in a pessimistic scenario, highlighting the lingering impact of COVID-19 – both as a direct cause of death and as a contributor to cardiovascular mortality.

Discussing the report with Re-Insurance Business, Paul Murray (pictured), CEO of L&H Reinsurance at Swiss Re, outlined some of the key ageing and mortality trends shaping the life and health reinsurance market today. “Of course, we saw excess mortality when we were locked down and experiencing the pandemic but now we’ve returned to normal life, we think it’s over and it’s not. People are still getting ill with the COVID infection and they’re still dying.”

The debate for the market now is how long that trend is likely to continue, and whether its impact will fade over time – with Swiss Re’s recent report offering multiple scenarios into the reinsurance giant’s viewpoint on that question. Top of mind is understanding the key factors driving future mortality trends and changing life expectancy statistics – and how these influencing factors may change going forward.

What are the top trends driving future mortality trends? Pinpointing some of the key considerations driving future mortality trends, Murray underscored the need to look at historical data. “The headline for me is always that there has been a phenomenal period of mortality improvements, of life expectancy extending. This is probably one of the biggest social transformations that the human race has been through.

“One of the main drivers of that has been cardiovascular improvements. Smoking cessation helped a lot towards that in the 20th century and is continuing now as well. There’s also new technology that enables low-intervention cardiovascular surgery, like stents. We’ve shifted from a lot of surgery having to be open-heart and high-risk in an operating theatre to in-and-out in a day with injected stents. It has been completely transformational.”

Where do medical advances go next? The ”plumbing” of the human body and the way it’s protected and healed by modern medicine has been largely optimised, he said, but now some of the benefits of that is starting to level off. Looking to the future, he sees that there is still the potential for some further improvements as a factor driving increased life expectancy, particularly amid improving access to information and education about healthy living choices – and improving intervention techniques.

“When we look forward, I anticipate the area where we have the best chance of improvements is on the cancer side,” he said. “Comparatively to cardiovascular risk, improvements to cancer treatments have been relatively low in the past. Of course, it’s very complex as 'cancer' is a bucket term which combines 200-plus types, but we are seeing some very promising technologies emerging here that will help address that.

“Take mRNA vaccines, for instance, which are not new but became very prominent in the pandemic, specifically as it helped us develop vaccines very quickly. mRNA capabilities, combined with immunotherapy, are currently in trials, and showing very significant improvements in outcomes for cancer patients in specific causes. And we've only really started scratching the surface of that. Looking 10-to-30 years out, which is the duration we have to think about as life insurers, we think that’s a prominent contributor to future improvement.”

Alzheimer's is another pressing area for consideration, he said, as, with people generally living longer, this is becoming a much more significant risk. Due to a myriad of reasons, more people than ever are living with Alzheimer’s today and society is being increasingly challenged to deal with it and to support those living with the disease. “Again, improvements in dealing with Alzheimer's historically have not been that great, and I think this is one area where there's the potential for a meaningful breakthrough, and we're starting to see some signs of that in scientific research.”

Understanding the impact of lifestyle factors on future mortality trends An interesting element shaping discourse in the life and health reinsurance market is the question of the impact of lifestyle factors on future mortality trends. Murray noted that if you characterize overall mortality rates into lifestyle or non-communicable diseases, between 30-40% of mortality is driven by lifestyle choices – including such factors as what you eat, whether you smoke, whether you exercise, how much sugar you eat, and how you manage your stress.

The insured population are typically quite happy to engage with that, he said, and Swiss Re is seeing improvement on those metrics, but there remain large swathes of the overall population who don’t engage in that conversation. As more data emerges over time, he believes the market will start to see stronger connections between activity and outcomes which, in turn, will help it to drive better results.

“An interesting area here is diabetes and Swiss Re is taking a leadership position on this globally,” he said. “We regularly engage with policymakers around the world – with doctors and thinkers on nutrition and food policy in particular – to [highlight] how your diet has a big impact on your health, but also to assess whether the current advice is appropriate for the future.

“Obesity and diabetes continue to increase. That debate has a long way to go, but if it continues to evolve positively, it will have a positive impact on mortality.”

Poor metabolic health drives obesity and diabetes, which are offsetting previous advances made by treating cardiovascular diseases and smoking cessation. The emergence of GLP-1/GIP weight loss injectables has shown early promise in reducing weight and improving baseline clinical risk factors, when combined with long-term lifestyle alterations. Although long-term data doesn’t yet exist on the impact of GLP-1 drugs, in the short term these medications are showing positive results in reducing all-causes, and specifically cardiovascular mortality. In addition, the drugs appear to positively affect a range of other conditions such as cancer, liver and kidney diseases, and even neurodegenerative diseases.

When will excess mortality return to pre-pandemic levels? Underpinning the broader conversation is the big question on the minds of many across the life and health reinsurance market – when, or if, excess mortality will return to pre-pandemic levels. Swiss Re’s recent paper posited both a pessimistic and an optimistic scenario because its role is not to say what will happen, but rather to encourage people to think about the tail risk of the COVID crisis and how it might play out.

“There is a huge delusion at the moment that COVID is over and when we talk about it, we say ‘when the pandemic happened’ but actually it is still happening,” he said. “So, insurance companies need to be very conscious of that and to be thinking ahead. Swiss Re has a powerful role across the market to make sure that this is being thought about.

“In our view, there are a range of scenarios, but most of them anticipate a return to normality in five to 10 years, depending on your level of optimism. And we think that because of the other more fundamental movements happening around cancer, lifestyle risk and eventually Alzheimer's, to name the three biggest ones, that mortality improvements will also return over the longer term.”

Study link: www.swissre.com/institute/research/topics-and-risk-dialogues/health-and-longevity/covid-19-pandemic-synonymous-excess-mortality.html

[bejeweledblondie]

Post-Baby Bath

Captain John Price x F! Reader

Summary: John decides to help his beloved wife out by pampering her while their newborn is settled down for nap time

A/N: incase you can’t tell my baby fever is at a all time high this week

Warnings: mentions of childbirth, surgery, sexual innuendos

Delivering a baby is no easy feat, hell pregnancy alone is no easy feat. You had just delivered your baby boy not even a week ago. While he wasn’t a very fussy baby, taking care of a infant while healing wasn’t easy especially while healing. You had deliver your son your own while John was on FaceTime. The delivery nurse had to console you so you didn’t raise your blood pressure. It was your worst nightmare. So here you sat at home, alone holding your infant son as he nursed on your chest. He was all John, he had his eyes, nose, & thick head of brown hair. You ran a finger across his pink chubby cheeks as his big eyes stared at you.

The sound of the door lightly opening & closing along with the shuffling of combat boots.

“Darling?” John’s thick accent filled the air. He was home, a sigh of relief washed over you. You were no longer alone in taking care of your newborn.

“I’m in here love,” You replied rocking your son. John walked in to the bedroom & removed his combat boots. A small smile started to appear on your face. With your free hand you reached out for him & cupped his right cheek. He sat down on the edge of the bed & looked down at your newborn son.

“Oh darling,” John said as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. He took a long look at you, the guilt of not being there weighed on his conscious as he took in your appearance. Small bags were under your eyes from exhaustion, your hair was all tangled, & your skin was pale. Then he looked down again at the bundled in your arms. “He’s beautiful. I’m so proud of you.”

“You wanna hold him he’s just about done.” You said as the newborn started to become fussy. He unlatched from your breast & you handed him over to John’s open arms. John’s large frame made the already small baby boy look microscopic. You put your breast away & just admired the scene in front of her. Your son was looking up as his father with amazement. His face wiggled around with different expressions & his chubby little hands reached out for his beard. Tears welled in John’s eyes at the site of his newborn son.

“I am sorry for missing the birth, baby.” John said he as he looked at you, guilt in his eyes. “You must be so tired.”

“I’m not gonna lie I am.” You sighed. “I haven’t showered in two days. I feel so gross.” Your son had fallen asleep in John’s arms by now. “Oh thank God he’ll be asleep for hours.”

“Why don’t I put him down in his bassinet then draw you a nice warm bath.” John suggested. You smiled at him.

“Baby that sounds absolutely wonderful.” You sighed at the thought. John played your baby in the bassinet & then walked into the bathroom. You could hear the water starting to fill up the tub from your place on the bed. John came out of the bathroom & picked you up out of bed. The past few days you moved with the pace of a snail. You were still healing down there & any sudden movement was painful. Your head rested against his chest as he gently carried you into the bathroom. He put you down gently on the bath mat next to the tub. You went to go & remove your shirt you hissed in pain. Breastfeeding is no joke, your whole chest was achy.

John kneeled in front of you & helped remove your shirt. Then he went to remove your sweat pants. Out of embarrassment you didn’t want John to see you with the giant pad in your hospital underwear. Or the fact your stomach wasn’t all the way down.

“Love.” John said softly. “Don’t hide from me.” He said as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “You just had a baby, & regardless I love you.” He was always so tender with you. “You’re also in pain love, let me help you.”

“Okay.” You softly said. He helped remove your sweatpants. “Let me take these off.” You said as he turned around to give you privacy. You removed the hospital underwear & tapped John to let him know you were ready to be put in the tub. He turned out & smiled at you just taking you all in. He felt so honored that you trusted him with seeing you in such a vulnerable state.

“God, you are so beautiful.” He said & lifted you up. Slowly he put you in the warm water. The shock of the water hitting your aching body made a sigh escape your lips. You hadn’t realize how badly you needed this, & how much your body ached. John smiled at you in the tub. He stripped off his uniform & climbed in with you. Your back was rested up again his chest. Lord knew he needed a bath himself from the latest mission.

He wrapped his big burly arms around you pulling you closer to him.

“You want me wash your hair lovely?” He asked. You nodded, & he immediately grabbed your shampoo. As soon as his fingers touched your scalp you could’ve fallen asleep right there. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head & you sighed. You could feel the stress from the day melting away the more he massaged the vanilla scent into your hair. He rinsed the shampoo out & put in your conditioner. John always knew your hair routine & he knew your sweet spots. After he rinsed the conditioner out you rested your head on his shoulder.

The two of you just basked in your own glow. John thought you were the most beautiful thing he had ever lied eyes on. Your post baby body to him was the most beautiful thing. It represented your strength & ability to give him one of the most beautiful things he had ever lied eyes on. Besides you of course. He had never known how deep his love could go until he laid eyes on you holding your son. Once the two of you finished your bath, you both jumped into your pajamas & checked in your son. While cuddling watching a movie you heard your son fussing in the bassinet.

You picked him up, & John immediately held out his arms to hold your son.

“Let me take care of it love.” He said. “I need to get to know our son, & you need to catch up on sleep.” You passed the infant off of to John & watched his little body lay on his father’s chest. John started to rub small circles on his newborn son’s back & a small smile appeared on the baby’s face. A little bit of drool started to pool on his t-shirt. Your eyelids started to become heavy as you watched John with your son. A peaceful much slumber consumed you, as you basked in the love of your husband & now newborn baby.

[ivanttakethis]

Alright, so I was joking around when I made that shitpost about Heperu iterating Luka and “twinkifying” each version of him more every time, but I guess?? I wasn’t far off???

I have a lot of thoughts on this and I might ramble a bit, but bear with me.

Holy shit! Luka clones!! Or siblings? Twins? I think they’re all Luka, so “clone” probably fits best.

The art is captioned Disgust.

Luka’s facial expression suggests that he sees the other versions of himself as beneath him. They’re inferior. He succeeded where they failed.

Each “Luka” has a different hairstyle. The two versions at the bottom caught my attention specifically:

Round 5 (left) and Round 7 (right) Luka hairstyles??

Only the current Luka has his eyes open and — while two Luka’s have their lips parted — only the one in the center has bubbles coming out of his mouth. Which suggests he’s the only one breathing.

If only one Luka is breathing, does that mean the others are dead? They’re grabbing onto current Luka, so they may have some amount of sentience.

Can they speak to him? Or can they communicate in some other way? Does he “hear” them? Since they’re all “Luka” do they share memories?

Were they ever alive and conscious of each other at the same time?

What happened to these previous versions? Are they still alive as of now? Were they discarded at some point? Scrapped for parts? Used to improve the current Luka?

Something something Neon Genesis Evangelion something something (idk I’ve never seen it, ask @awaggaa )

Also notable is that current Luka already has his scars from whatever surgery he had at some point:

One of the other versions of Luka is brushing a hand over his scar. Could mean nothing, could mean something.

Another version of Luka has two fingers resting over current Luka’s heart, the “focal point” of his character. Ruler of My Heart and whatnot.

The position of the two fingers, combined with the position of the thumb looks almost like a gun. Maybe Luka is shot in the heart (or through the heart /ref), or his heart ends up killing him instead of the competition or Hyuna. We’ll see!!

Tagging: @rockwgooglyeyes come get your food!

[katnissmellarkkk]

an unpopular take : i don’t think peeta’s prosthetic leg detaches. my interpretation is it was surgically put on and so therefore the only way it can be removed is through surgery.

this comes from the fact that he slept next to katniss all those nights and she never mentions him desiring to remove his leg or aching became he didn’t remove it. some argue this point because he was probably too bashful or self-conscious to take it off in front of her at that stage of their relationship. which is why i’m saying katniss doesn’t give the reader the impression he’s uncomfortable because he didn’t remove it. if he was meant to take it off and let the remains of his real leg rest, katniss probably would have casually dropped a hint somewhere about that.

the second reason which kind of piggybacks onto the first. the quarter quell. katniss never mentions peeta desiring to remove his prosthetic and rest. she never implies his leg is in pain from overuse of the prosthetic while in the arena. she doesn’t suggest he is even uncomfortable wearing his prosthetic 24/7 for days on end in the arena. again, i’ve heard people say in the past “he couldn’t have taken it off in the arena because…” i’m not saying him not removing it while in the games is the clue that his leg is not detachable. i’m saying the fact that we got no implications that it was even a desire on his part to remove the prosthetic is the clue. he didn’t run slower or seemed to have any issues with his prosthetic that was imply overuse or anything like that.

and my last reason is the most convincing to me. peeta was rescued in mockingjay with his prosthetic still on. if snow’s men wanted to torture him, removing his prosthetic would be a basic starting step. they would have wanted to keep him weak so they could abuse him and hijack him. if his leg came off, it would have been a pretty easy decision to take it away so he’d been helpless. and yes, i suppose they could have given it back right before the rescue because we know snow was letting them take peeta, in hopes he’d kill katniss for him. but again, if peeta was hospitalized and all that in thirteen for a while, to heal physically as well as mentally, at some point shouldn’t the doctors there have taken his prosthetic off? let the stump take a break? and if this was happening all along, if throughout the series peeta was detaching his prosthetic regularly, how is it that katniss somehow missed every single time it happened.

also peeta eventually joins the star squad and katniss once again doesn’t make any sort of note towards peeta about how he must want to remove the prosthetic, rest his leg, how his leg must hurt from the overuse. not even during the “i’m so tired, katniss” moment.

so anyways. that’s my interpretation.

[farfromsugafanfic]

Stray kids reaction to seeing surgery scars on their s/o

Anon 🐻‍❄️

SKZ Reaction To Seeing Surgery Scars On Their S/O

Genre: fluff, suggestions of smut

Warnings: mentions of surgery, body insecurity, cancer, mention of disease and injuries

A/N: My first anon 🥹 thank you so much and I hope you enjoy it. Also, thank you for 1,000 followers 🥺

Chan:

Chan knew about your appendectomy scar and how it was one of your complexes, but you'd always managed to keep it hidden from him. He tried to express that it was perfectly normal to have surgical scars and that it wouldn't change how he felt about you, but it still took you time to show it to him.

Pulling up your shirt, you winced as the keloid scar became visible. Chan stayed quiet before gently running the softest part of his fingertips over the rough scar.

"Does it hurt?" he asked.

"Sometimes," you said. "But not too much anymore."

He nodded in understanding and reached down to intertwine your fingers.

Minho:

Minho understood why you were scared for him to see your scoliosis surgery scar because he too had a surgery scar that he felt self-conscious of. While he'd sometimes caught a small glimpse of it, you always tried to keep it hidden. Eventually, though, it became impossible to deny the intimacy growing between the two of you.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours," he said, trying to lighten the mood with some light sarcasm. It seemed to work since you laughed and some of the tension in your body. When you finally threw your shirt aside, his breath hitched at the long vertical scar down your spine. It lined up with the curves of your body linearly, making your body look like two butterfly wings sprouting from the scar.

"Fuck, you're so gorgeous."

Changbin:

Changbin knew you had a tumor removed from your kidney as a kid, but it never crossed his mind that you might have a scar. While you sometimes even forget about it, there are times you get reminded. Someone looks a little too hard at your abdomen when wearing a crop top, or someone was bold enough to ask what happened.

You'd long put your childhood brush with cancer behind you, but when Changbin first noticed your scar, your body filled with dread. Would it be the last straw and he would finally find you completely unattractive and dump you?

However, Changbin didn't say a word and just placed his palm over it. He'd continue to do this, sometimes without even thinking about it, just reminding you that he loved every part of you, even the parts you sometimes wanted to hide.

Hyunjin:

Hyunjin noticed that you always wore long sleeves. At first, he didn't think much about it, until there was an especially hot day when you refused to take off your long-sleeved shirt. When he questioned it, he saw the panicked look in your eyes and knew something was wrong.

After a bit of soft prodding, you eventually explained that you'd broken your arm as a kid and had had surgery, leaving you with a scar. Hyunjin was silent for a few moments.

"Is that all? You thought I would mind that?"

"Well, I mean, you're so gorgeous."

"I still have scars, babe." He chuckled and reached for your sleeve, gently pulling it up and rubbing the pad of his thumb over the scar. He didn't say anything else, but gently leaned down and kissed the scar.

Jisung:

When Jisung first met you, it was at a large event where you'd had your makeup professionally done. But, the next time he saw you, it was a late night at the convenience store where the scar from a skin graft surgery you'd had after getting a burn on one side of your face. Compared to what it could look like, it was relatively minor, but the scar was visible and you'd only just got used to doing small errands like this without covering it up.

Jisung can't lie and say it didn't catch him off guard, but it only made him more interested in you. He bought you a pudding and chatted with you, deciding not to mention anything unless you did. This surprised you because most people couldn't help but ask for the sob story of the car accident that resulted in major burns to your face.

Eventually, you did tell Jisung what happened though it took time and getting over some insecurities. But, Jisung's openness about his insecurities and your insistence that they didn't matter to him helped you come to realize how enamored he actually was with you.

Felix:

You and Felix were both very open about your insecurities and who you are. However, you could never get yourself to show your biopsy scar. The scar was small, but noticeable. So, you kept it covered. As you and Felix became more intimate, you knew he would eventually see your scar.

Felix was a sweetheart. You knew he wouldn’t care and that such a small flaw would not affect how he felt about you. Yet, still, there was a nagging worry. When Felix does see the scar and notice the way your body tenses when his eyes graze over it, he takes your hand and kisses the back of it gently.

“It looks beautiful on you,” he said, as if he were looking at you trying on a dress and not gazing at your scar. His hand brought yours to his cheek.

Seungmin:

On the outside, it wasn't obvious that you had lupus, but Seungmin had begun to notice that you never drank—not even beer or wine. He didn't mind but found it a bit curious since it was not something he was used to with people around his age. Still, he didn't ask questions. That was until he was staying the night at your apartment and caught a glimpse of the hockey stick shaped scar on the right side of your abdomen from having a kidney transplant.

His eyes widened as he began to put it all together. He didn't flip out but did ask if you were okay. After you explained, he felt better but also felt bad that you felt like you needed to hide such a major part of yourself from him. From then on, he would sometimes find himself absentmindedly running his fingers over the scar when you lie together.

Jeongin:

Jeongin knew you'd had knee surgery a few years ago after tearing your meniscus. But, he'd never seen the scar. Of course, he was never actively looking for it but realized that you never showed your knees at all. When asked about it, he could tell it was a touchy subject, but a few sweet words and reassuring touches calmed you.

Rolling up your pant leg, you showed him the scar. It was larger than most other similar scars because your injury had been extensive. The scar—at least in Jeongin's eyes—wasn't too visible, but he made sure to give you a cute peck on the nose and encourage you to wear what you wanted since surgery scars were nothing to be ashamed of.

[paddedlittleparadise]

Twelve Months to a Better Life – Ch. 21 (Teaser)

Jayden has been lucky – or unlucky! – enough to be in the care of his wife Erica and her skilled female friends. They've all been more than willing to turn his life-long fantasies of becoming a regressed adult baby into reality!

The year's drawing to a close… but has the man-baby really arrived at his embarrassing goal?

–––

Warm. Mmm… wet. Warm. Nice. Yummy.

The words, mere ghosts of ideas, flitted erratically through Jayden's head. His eyes blinked slowly upward – over the cylindrical curve of the bottle in his hands, up toward the far-off fuzzy ceiling of the living room. He lay there on the carpet, muscles limp, mouth suckling rhythmically at the large and milk-filled teat. And in this place, this state, he had no real need of anything more than the occasional word bubbling up from his regressed mind.

Nice. Yummy. Warm.

A wet burp escaped his lips, and a trickle of milky drool slowly slid downward from the left corner of his mouth. Perhaps in months past he would have blushed, apologized, reached for a napkin to dab at his indiscretion. But here and now… well, he didn't need to. It didn't even occur to him, rapt as he was in the unthinking meditation of his bottle-feeding. Burps came, burps went. Just like all of his other bodily emissions.

Num, num. Ba-ba… good…

Gone at last from his nose was the feeding tube. He'd recovered well from the surgery, the oral surgeon said – and what a relief to the half-conscious man-baby! His hypnotic training had left him with an overpowering need to suck, to gulp, to fill his mouth with a thumb or a bottle or a pacifier. And now at last he could satisfy that urge once more. His now-toothless gums were healed, and to work they went: gumming and drooling their way eagerly on everything Suri and Erica gave him.

Though, on their part, they gamely followed Natasha's suggestions. "After all, his poor tummy's not used to solids anymore," she had advised Erica after the tube's removal. "Honestly, I think you'd do much better keeping him on a hundred percent liquid diet for a good while longer…"

And so they did. Bottles only for Jayden: bottles of creamy adult formula, and juices, and the occasional dose of watery soup. If he minded, he didn't say so. After all… the most his drooling mouth managed these days was generally incomprehensible babble. Babble which, it must be said, was generally silenced with a well-placed pacifier or bottle nipple.

Gasp, gasp, gasp. The bottle was empty… again.

Another burp escaped him, and from his hands the empty bottle dropped to the floor. Gone. Num-num… gone… He blinked, his right thumb already slipping down to his parted and sticky lips. Mmm, suck. Nice. Suck. It wasn't a bottle, but that was okay. Yum. Nice. Suck…

"Aww, did you finish your bottle? Is your ba-ba all gone?" Suri's voice sounded from behind, and he blinked upward into her face as it appeared suddenly in his line of sight. "Such a good little baby! You must have been hungry, huh?"

She knelt as she spoke, her hands dropping down to squeeze the thick padding bulging between his splayed and naked thighs. In response to his recent uptick in liquid consumption, Jayden's diapers were now a truly multi-layered affair: a night-weight disposable with a single high-capacity booster. Over that went two layers of cloth diapering, pinned snugly in place. And over all that went a gleaming, balloon-like pair of milky plastic pants, their elastic bands drawn snugly around his thighs and waist. It was impossible to hide such a mass even under a onesie – and so these days Suri had opted simply not to even try. Hence, the simple cotton t-shirt that declared Jayden to be "Mommy's little messmaker."

"Still no leaks," Suri beamed, and Jayden writhed beneath his caregiver's touch in a sudden swell of discomfort. Because somewhere, deep in the recesses of his mind, a small voice was whispering that he should be embarrassed by this: by having a lovely, beaming young woman hovering over him and examining his urine-soaked diapers. It was the voice of his adult self, cutting through the hypnotic haze of subliminal programming. And as the dawning sensation of shame grew stronger, his legs began kicking aimlessly… his brow wrinkling… and his voice giving a gurgling little whimper from behind his saliva-covered thumb.

"Nuuuhh… Nuuhh…"

"Aww, what's with the kicking, sweetie? No, you don't need to get up. You can stay here and play, you know…" Suri assured him, watching in benevolent puzzlement as Jayden's smooth legs kicked harder and he began contorting himself upward. "Nohh- noh buh- buh- beh-bee…" He whimpered, his toothless gums drooling with the effort of making himself understood. "Goh- goh-uh-"

"Oh, no you don't, sweetie," Suri reprimanded with a laugh – and even as Jayden began scrambling awkwardly to his hands and knees, his nurse caught him and thrust him back down, this time onto his stomach. "You're not a big boy anymore, remember? Doctor says you're far too little to try walking these days! Don't make me get the cuffie-cuffs…"

–––

You can read the rest – plus the twenty other previous chapters and many, many other kinky stories – over on the PaddedLittleParadise Ream!

[vodika-vibes]

Omggg I was melting from flirtatious Seventeen, I love him being a shameless flirt 😫 Could you please do one where reader is very self conscious and just doesn’t see what 17 sees so she thinks he’s just messing with her when he says suggestive things? Maybe reader has an obvious crush on him so she assumes that because 17 knows he just flirts with her to embarrass her or try to get with her. Sorry if this is really long and specific😅, we all love everything you do btw! Thanks!

For Them

Summary: Alpha-17 has been driving you insane for ages now, and that mixed with the stress of your current responsibility is just too much.

Pairing: Alpha-17 x Reader

Word Count: 1358

Warnings: Kaminoans are assholes who experiment on babies

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni

A/N: So...I kind of went a little off the rails on this one. I had a plan, and then I started writing, and I got distracted by clone babies. Sorry.

Sometimes you hate the fact that you’re so easy to read. If you were just a little better at hiding your emotions, you wouldn’t be in this situation. Well, you hope you wouldn’t be in this situation.

After all, if your crush on Alpha wasn’t so obvious, he wouldn’t have any reason to tease you so much, right?

Because there’s absolutely no way that he means what he says when he flirts with you, or makes those suggestive comments to you.

Best case scenario he’s just trying to get into your bed for a bit of quick fun. Worst case scenario, he’s trying to humiliate you. And if you didn’t need this job so badly, you would have transferred out to somewhere else.

Tragically, this job is the best one for you at the moment, and you can’t just leave the cadets-

You purse your lips as you focus your attention back on your datapad and the information on the screen. You need to focus, you can’t afford to be distracted by Alpha right now. The Kaminoans decided to play with the genetic makeup of some of the tubies, and it’s a whole thing.

Three of them are albino, which comes with its own host of health issues that need to be mitigated. Two were born totally blind, and another three are going to be blind unless you figure out a way to keep their immune system from attacking their eyes (honestly cybernetics for all five of them will probably be the easiest option, after all no one’s figured out how to keep human’s immune systems from attacking their eyes), and one was born without the ability to use his legs.

Honestly, the urge to take all 9 of them and flee Kamino is getting stronger with every passing day, but as of right now, there’s no way for you to get them off Kamino without drawing the ire of several very dangerous men, Alpha at the top of the list.

You push your fingers through your hair as you scan the medical data coming from CT-238-765’s (his name is Grim and you’re pretty sure you love him) cradle and you scowl. He’s never going to be able to walk. Maybe with surgery-

“If you keep scrunching your face up like that, you’re going to get wrinkles,” A deep voice says from the door, and you yelp and your datapad tumbles out of your hands.

You whip around, your eyes wide, and then you press your hand over your heart, “Don’t do that!”

Alpha-17 grins at you, “Did I spook you, mesh’la?”

You scowl at him and duck down to scoop the tablet back into your hands, turning the screen away from the larger man so he can’t see just how bad these tubies are, “Did you need something?”

He drags his gaze down your body, and you fold the datapad over your chest as you fight the urge to shift uncomfortably. His grin broadens, “Yeah, I can think of a thing or two that only you can help me with.”

Your face burns, “There are babies in the room,” You hiss at him.

“They’re too young to understand what I’m saying, sweetheart,” Alpha replies as he enters the room properly, and peers into one of the cradles, “Honestly, I could probably bend you over in here and none of them would even know it.”

You sputter, “You…you don’t know-that’s totally inappropriate-”

He laughs, and moves to peer into Grim’s cradle, and you immediately move to put yourself between Alpha and the infant, without thinking about it. “You’re not allowed to handle him. Technically, you’re not allowed to handle any of the babies. Remember?”

Alpha rolls his eyes and lightly nudges you to the side, “The rule was only enforced when the Prime was alive, which he’s not.” You move to the side as he nudges you, curse you for being so weak in his presence.

“Only because everyone else is afraid of you,”

“You’re not.” He grins at you, “You want to fuck me.”

Your face burns, and you glare up at him, “There. Are. Children. Present.” You hiss at him.

“Yeah, yeah. So you’ve said.” He regards Grim silently for a moment, “Also, that wasn’t a denial, gorgeous. Why isn’t he moving his legs?”

“He’s fine. And I’m not going to sleep with you just so you win whatever twisted game you're playing with me,” You snap, though you keep your voice quiet, “And don’t touch-” You sigh when Alpha reaches into the cradle and pokes the infant’s foot, and he doesn’t react.

“The fact that you think I’m  playing a game with you is hurtful, gorgeous.” Alpha replies, a frown crossing his scarred face as he looks down at the infant, “He can’t feel his legs.”

“He’s fine.” You say, your voice pitching a little higher in sudden panic, “They’re all fine. You can’t tell the longnecks. You can’t. They’ll decommission them.”

“Wait, wait. Hold on,” Alpha looks at you, suddenly no longer interested in teasing you based on the look on his face, “What…there’s something wrong with all of these tubies?”

“Winter, Snow, and Cin-” You motion to the three at the end, “Are all albino. The five in the middle are either blind, or are going blind, and then Grim here-”

Alpha holds up his hand, “What happened?”

“The Kaminoans were playing with their genes.” You say bitterly, “And now these kids are the ones who will suffer for it.” You carefully remove the monitors from Grim’s legs, and attach them to a different baby's legs, altering the data just enough.

Alpha stops you, “How long has this been happening?”

You shrug, “You know that CF-99 exists,” You point out, “They’re not the most popular because they’re assholes, but-”

“We’re all genetically predisposed to be assholes,” Alpha says dryly. His gaze lingers on the babies for a moment, “So, what’s the plan?”

“What?”

“For the tubies.”

You stare at him, “Um…so for the five that are blind, or going blind, I’m planning on making arrangements for them to get cybernetic eyes. As for Grim…I’m working on it-”

Alpha hums thoughtfully, “I have a better idea.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. How do you feel about taking the Tubies and leaving?”

You sputter, “I can’t raise 9 babies on my own without a job-”

“You won’t be raising them alone,” Alpha replies with a roll of his eyes, “I’ll be going with you.”

“...what.”

He looms over you, and you’re very glad that you’ve never been intimidated by Alpha, for all that he flusters you to high heaven. “You think I’m playing with you. That I don’t mean every word that I say to you. Maybe you have cause for that, I’m not going to judge. But I do mean every word, and if I have to run away with you and these kids to make you believe me, then so be it.”

“But…what about your other brothers?”

“They’ll be just fine without me.”

“But-”

“Yes or no, cyar’ika?” Alpha interrupts, “Do you want to ensure that these kids, kids that you named, have a proper life? Or do you want to run the risk of your manipulations getting exposed? And that’s not me threatening you. That’s me pointing out that you’re not going to be able to hide your lies forever.”

Your hands shake, “Of course I want them to grow up happy and healthy, but this is…”

Alpha stares at you and you squeeze your eyes shut for a moment, thinking hard.

“Okay. Okay, but we have to be quick about it. If we get caught-”

“Don’t worry, cyar’ika. I can make sure that we don’t get caught.” He ducks down and brushes his lips against your temple, “Just be ready. We’re leaving tonight.”

And then Alpha is gone, leaving you alone with the 9 babies that you’re about to risk everything for. You sigh and turn to Grim, who looks up at you through big brown eyes, “You’re lucky I love you, kiddo.”

He flashes a toothless grin and grabs your finger, and you melt a little bit. You suppose it’s worth it.

[bangchansdirty-slut]

do you take writing requests? if so would you write something with a FTM reader who hasn't had any surgeries?

Paring: Bangchan x FTM reader

Genre: Fluff

Requested

More: Masterlist

A/n: Hey! I'm sorry for the delay, but I just wanted to ensure that this trans reader fic was the best it could be. Also, my requests are open!

Chris had been dating Y/n for a couple of months now. They were still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship, and things were going surprisingly well. Chris, who was completely oblivious to Y/n's trans identity, thought he had found the man of his dreams. Little did he know that he was about to have the most unforgettable night of his life.

As the hours passed, they ate dinner and watched TV, growing increasingly comfortable in each other's company. Eventually, Chris, who was exhausted from a long day himself, decided that it would be best if Y/n stayed over, knowing that it would be late by the time Y/n got home.

Y/n was hesitant to spend the night at Chris's house. He didn't want Chris to find out about his trans status, as he was afraid of being judged or rejected. But after a long day of work, and with Chris's insistence, he finally agreed to stay over.

They continued to watch TV, cuddling on the couch. It wasn't long before Chris began to feel tired himself, and he suggested that Y/n might be more comfortable sleeping in his room. Y/n, who was already feeling quite comfortable and safe with Chris, agreed.

As they headed to the bedroom, Chris couldn't help but notice how big some of his clothes were. He offered Y/n one of his oversized hoodies and a pair of boxers, which were both easily large enough to fit Y/n's slender frame. They climbed into bed, and after a few moments of fidgeting, Chris fell asleep almost instantly.

Y/n, however, found it difficult to relax. He had been used to sleeping in his own bed, and the unfamiliar surroundings made him feel self-conscious. He shifted uncomfortably in the bed, trying to find a position that would allow him to sleep peacefully. As he lay there, he debated whether or not to take off the clothes Chris had given him and put his own binder back on.

Eventually, he decided that it was best to put it off until later. He didn't want to risk waking Chris up. Instead, he tried to focus on the warmth of Chris's body pressed against his back and the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. Slowly, Y/n began to drift off to sleep.

It was during one of these moments of semi-consciousness that Y/n felt something brush against his chest. He froze, unsure of what was happening. When he finally opened his eyes, he saw Chris's hands resting on his chest, cupping his breasts. Y/n was horrified and tried to push Chris away, but his strength was sapped by sleep. He covered his chest with his arms, trying to hide his feminine features from Chris.

Chris looked confused and apologetic. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…" he mumbled, his voice still thick with sleep. He pulled his hands away, and Y/n could feel the heat in his cheeks as he tried to compose himself.

"It's okay," Y/n said, trying to sound more convincing than he felt. "It's just… a bit weird, that's all." He forced a small smile, hoping to reassure Chris that everything was okay.

Chris looked at Y/n for a moment, his expression a mixture of confusion and concern. "Chris," Y/n said hesitantly, "I need to tell you something. Something important."

Y/n felt a chill run down his spine. He knew what was coming. He braced himself for the worst, but he couldn't bring himself to look Chris in the eye.

"I'm trans," Y/n said softly, barely able to admit it even now. "I was born a girl, but I've always identified as a man. I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear before." He waited for Chris's reaction, feeling his heart pounding in his chest.

There was a long silence. Y/n's eyes remained fixed on the ceiling, afraid to meet Chris's gaze. He could feel the weight of Chris's judgment pressing down on him. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Chris spoke.

"I… I don't understand," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

Y/n winced. "I was scared," he admitted. "I didn't want you to think any differently of me. I was just trying to be myself, you know? And I thought… maybe if I could just blend in, be invisible, then you wouldn't notice. But I was wrong."

Chris was silent for a moment, as if he were trying to process the information. Y/n could feel his heart pounding in his chest, the tension in the air palpable. "You don't have to explain yourself," Chris finally said. "I mean… I might not understand everything, but I'm not going to judge you."

Y/n felt a mixture of relief and trepidation at Chris's words. He knew that Chris was trying to be understanding, but he couldn't help but feel like he'd be disappointed or disgusted. "I'm sorry if I misled you," he said, his voice still shaky. "I just wanted to be your boyfriend, and I didn't want to ruin that."

Chris shifted in the bed, pulling Y/n closer. "You could never ruin that," he said, his voice firm and reassuring. "I care about you, Y/n, and that's not going to change. I may not know everything about what it means to be trans, but I'm willing to learn. And if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you."

Y/n felt a lump form in his throat. It was everything he could've hoped for. Chris's understanding and acceptance meant more to him than he could ever express. He let out a shaky breath, taking in Chris's words and the warmth of his embrace. "Thank you," he managed to whisper. "Thank you so much."

They lay there in silence for a while, wrapped up in each other's arms. Y/n couldn't help but feel a sense of relief wash over him. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He knew that there would still be challenges ahead, but he wasn't alone. He had Chris by his side.

As the morning light began to filter through the curtains, Y/n found the courage to turn his head and look at Chris. His eyes were still closed, but there was a softness to his features that Y/n hadn't noticed before. He studied Chris's face, taking in the familiar lines and contours that had always drawn him in. It was then that Y/n realized how much he truly loved Chris.

"I love you, Chris," he whispered, his voice barely audible. He could feel the butterflies in his stomach as he waited for Chris to respond. After a moment, Chris opened his eyes and looked at Y/n, a smile spreading across his face.

"I love you too, Y/n," he replied, his voice gentle and sincere. "You have no idea how much." And with that, they kissed. It was a tender, loving kiss that felt like the beginning of something new. Something beautiful.

[the-girl-wh0-cries-w0lf]

You're waiting for a train...(5)

A Lesson in Planning

Robert Fischer x reader

description - the logistics of the dream begin to come together and get finalised by the group. Y/n's heart yearns for Robert more but she feels absent from those around her.

warnings - non-con touching (because she is not awake! UNCONSCIOUS PEOPLE DON'T WANT TEA!), mentions of surgery, mentions of murder.

word count - 2.2k

a/n - Boy you guys are gonna hate Arthur here! this is an important filler chapter for the plot but the real juicy stuff is still to come!

Previous Part Series Master list Master list

If you want to be added to the taglist - here

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

“So now in the first layer of the dream, I can impersonate Browning and suggest concepts to Fischer’s conscious mind. When we get a layer deeper his own projection of Browning should-should feed that back to him.” Eames orated to our group as we sat concepting the plan for the mission.

“So he gives himself the idea?” Arthur questioned.

“Precisely.” Eames continued. “That’s the only way it’ll stick. It has to seem self-generated.”

“Eames.” Arthur leant back in his chair and looked to me and I nodded in agreement. “I am impressed.”

Eames chuckled. “Your condescension, as always, is much appreciated, Arthur, thank you.” I laughed at Eames’ quip, but felt I should cover my face to not embarrass Arthur further.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I sat in the workspace with Ariadne as she worked on her totem.

She’d decided upon a chess piece with a partly hollowed out centre that would always fall a specific way. We’d actually had the idea together when we’d been walking in the park and had come across a group of old men who’d formed a chess club. When Ariadne had picked up the queen, it had felt right in her hand.

I glanced to my watch and commented on the lateness of the time but hadn’t noticed Ariadne had actually left our desk. I must have zoned out. That had been happening a lot recently. My mind went to Robert. It wasn’t always thinking back on our interaction, most of the time it was just imagining him beside me. Living in the moment with fantasies of him living it with me.

I perked up when Dad and Ariadne walked back towards me, Ariadne gestured for me to show my Dad the mazes but I hesitated.

“Each level relates to the part of the subjects subconscious that we are trying to access.” Dad walked past our designs, assessing the skill and intricacy. Ariadne and I loomed over her paper built mazes. “So, I’m making the bottom level a hospital so Fischer will bring his father, -- um you know, actually, I have a question about this layout.” Dad immediately retreated as if the sight burned his eyes.

“No, no, no. Don’t – Don’t show me specifics. Only the dreamer should know the layout.” I winced at Dad’s harsh tone.

“Dad, she just wanted some help.” I looked up at him.

“Just – “ He pointed at me in a fierce tone but doubted his words. His tone smoothed out. “Just no specifics.”

“Why is that important?” She questioned, amid our staring contest.

“In case one of us brings our projections in. We don’t want them knowing the details of the maze.” Dad feebly explained.

“You mean in case you bring Mom in?” I spat at him. The room went quiet, the tension was thick. “You can’t keep her out, can you? Right. If you know the maze then she knows it. That’s why you can’t build anymore.” I stalked towards him amidst my lecture.

“Cobb is this getting worse?” I appreciated Ariadne’s concern. She had been whisked in to this operation only to find out the leader’s brain was more fucked up than most. Who wants to share dreams with that. “Because the others need to know if it is?”

“Who said it’s getting worse!” He abruptly ended so we knew the conversation was done. There was a lull. “I need to get her home.” He pointed at me. “That’s all I care about right now. Is her.” He stood up and embraced me. My guilt weighed me down. He’d only ever thought of me, and my thoughts were filled with someone else. How selfish could I be.

“Why can’t you go home?” Ariadne fiercely inquired.

“Because they think I killed her.” Cobb said into my hair whilst we stayed hugging. I squeezed tighter at that answer. Ariadne stayed quiet as Cobb left my arms to walk away. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For not asking whether I did.” He smiled appreciatively.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

“I will split up my father’s empire.” The word emblazoned on our whiteboard. “Now, this is obviously an idea that Robert himself would choose to reject which is why we need to plant it deep in his subconscious. The subconscious is motivated by emotion, right? Not reason. We need to find a way to translate this into an emotional concept.” Dad addressed us.

“How do you translate a business strategy into an emotion?” Arthur questioned.

“That’s what were here to figure out. Now, Robert’s relationship with his father is stressed to say the least.”

“Well, can we run with that?” Eames perked up. “We could suggest breaking up his father’s company as a ‘screw you’ to the old man.”

“No.” I commented. “Positive emotion trumps negative emotion every time. We yearn for reconciliation, catharsis. His bond with his dad is broken beyond repair. Maybe if we’re gonna be in there anyway, we could do him a little good.” When I trailed off softly, I felt all eyes on me, confused. I especially felt the hot gaze of my father.

“We need Robert Fischer to have a positive emotional reaction to all this.” Dad agreed whilst eyeing me suspiciously.

“All right, let’s try this.” Eames jumped to my rescue. “My father accepts that I want to create for myself, not follow in his footsteps.”

“That might work.”

“Might?” Arthur argued. “We’re gonna need to do a little better than might.” Eames turned towards him with a cheeky smile.

“Oh, thank you for your contribution, Arthur.” He said sarcastically.

“Forgive me for wanting a little specificity, Eames.”

“Specificity?”

“Inception’s not about being specific. When we get inside his mind, we’re gonna have to work with what we find.”

Ariadne had already prepped each of the dreamers with the layout of the maze. I was truly impressed, and I spent every minute telling her that. It was so great to have a girl on the team. I often felt I was drowning in testosterone.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

We had entered Yusuf’s dream which would act as the first layer. Ariadne had created a metropolitan city with towering skyscrapers. It was perfect. Complex and confusing if you were not familiar yet still had a sense of believability.

“On the top level,” Eames narrated to us all, as we stood in the direct centre of the road. “We open up his relationship with his father, and say ‘I will not follow in my father’s footsteps.”

I walked around in awe of the world around me. I’d been in many dreams and had created a few for myself, but nothing like this. I bumped Ariadne’s shoulder and whispered.

“This is seriously amazing.”

“you’ve told me that like 5 times, y/n.”

“Oh sorry—”

“No, it’s nice.” She threw her arm around me so we ended in a half way hug. I suddenly remembered the boys were talking.

“Then the next level down, we feed him ‘I will create something for myself’. Then by the time we bring out the big guns – “

“My father doesn’t want me to be him.” I finished. After speaking those fateful words I chanced a glance at my own father’s eyes. But I looked away in shame, missing his own longing gaze.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

“Three layers down the dreams are gonna collapse.” Arthur admitted. “Even with the slightest disturbance.”

“Sedation.” Yusuf proudly stated. “For sleep stable enough to create three layers of dreaming, we’ll have to combine it with an extremely powerful sedative. The compound we’ll be using to share the dream creates a very clear connection between dreamers whilst actually accelerating brain function.”

“In other words, it gives us more time on each level.” Dad explained for the ones who struggled to understand Yusuf’s chemistry.

“Brain function in the dream will be about 20 times normal. When you enter a dream within that dream, the effect is compounded, it’s 3 dreams – that’s 10 hours times –”

“I’m sorry maths was never my strong subject.” I chuckled at Eames’ confusion. “How much time is that?”

I decided to fill him in.

“It’s a week, the first level down, 6 months the second level down –”

“Its 10 years, the third level.” Ariadne said in a gasp. I nodded sadly towards her. “Who would want to be stuck in a dream for 10 years?”

“Depends on the dream.” Ariadne and I looked unamused towards Yusuf’s attempt at humour.

“So, once we’ve made the plant how do we get out? I’m hoping you have something more elegant in mind than shooting me in the head.” Arthur commented whilst swinging on his chair.

“A kick.”

“What’s a kick?”

“This Ariadne,” Eames gently tapped Arthur’s chair so he panicked and fell forward. “Is a kick.” He smiled innocently towards Arthurs unimpressed face. I giggled watching their little bromance.

“It’s that feeling of falling you get that jolts you awake.”

“Will we even feel a kick with that level of sedation?” I questioned.

“I’ve customised the sedative to leave inner function unimpaired.” I gave a grateful nod. Yusuf was truly a gift to this mission. “Let me demonstrate.”

“Arthur.” “Arthur!” Eames and I said in sync.

Arthur reluctantly rises and sits on the chair Yusuf gestures to. Yusuf puts him into a dream.

“You see the sleeper still feels the falling.” Yusuf tips Arthur and he jolts awake just in time to watch his body hit the ground. Eames and I burst out laughing. I wink at Eames as we both get the same idea.

“But Yusuf.” I begin. “He just fell sideways. I think it needs to be demonstrated that it works falling at ALL angles.” Eames and I could barely hold in our laughter as my dad shook his head in disapproval. Arthur was put under 4 more times and shoved off the chair each time. God this was too good. After the final time, he threw his hands up when Yusuf went in for one more IV. He abruptly stood up and walked past me. He slowed down when he reached my shoulder.

“Don’t be so childish.” My smile broke.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

“He hasn’t got any surgery scheduled, there’s no dental, nothing.”

“Wasn’t he supposed to have a knee operation?”

“Nothing. Nothing that they’d put him under for anyway.”

We were coming up with the final stage. And the most important element. Time.

“We need a good 10 hours.” My dad offered up the situation to the room.

“Sydney to Los Angeles.” Saito had very much taken up the role of the silent money. Quiet, observing. Merely here to protect his investment. When dad had told me he wanted to go under with us I wasn’t shocked. Inception is hardly a mission which has a physical outcome a buyer can hold. The only way to get proof is to be there with us. I did worry about safety. He was just another parasite the projections could flock to; this put us all at risk. And I had a feeling this sedation meant a simple kill shot wouldn’t suffice.

“One of the longest flights in the world. He makes it every two weeks.”

“He must be flying private then?” Dad questioned.

“Not if there were unexpected maintenance with his plane.” I smirked at this.

“It would have to be a 747.” Arthur jumped in.

“Why’s that?” I asked.

“Because on a 747, the pilot is up top,” I didn’t miss how Arthur directed the answer towards my dad. “and the first class cabin is on the nose, so no one would walkthrough but you’d have to buy out the entire cabin and the first class flight attendant.”

“I bought the airline.” We all flocked our gaze to Saito. “It seemed neater.” Ah of course! Why didn’t we think of that?

“Well then.” We had our stage. “Ariadne?” Dad stopped us as we went to leave. “Terrific work by the way.” I smiled her way but she missed it, taken up in a conversation with Arthur.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

My fingers fidgeted on the lock of the case. Itching to try again. Nothing around me was satisfying, I needed some release. The lock flicked up and I hurriedly unpacked the IV. I inserted it and let it do it’s magic. My eyes drooped, my heart slowed yet my excitement bubbled up. My head flopped onto the rough fabric of the deck chair. As my mind floated me away, a presence loomed in my peripheral.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

*Arthur’s pov*

I’d stayed behind late, hoping to have a word with y/n. She hadn’t seemed herself recently and I worried for the state of her mind when we begin this task.

I made my way to the door, believing I’d missed her. I noticed one of the deck chairs hadn’t been put away so I went to tidy up. I saw five painted nails loosen their grip on the edge of the chair and collapse to the side. There was an IV exiting the vein, I tracked it back towards the silver case.

I ambled my way towards her sleeping frame. So peaceful, yet so much life danced behind her closed eyes. I found myself stroking her soft cheeks. She was so perfect. My thumb caressed the contours of her face and it began to droop lower, until it met the curve of her lips. What was I doing?

I jumped back as if her skin had burnt me. Suddenly I was possessed by a new found drive. I ripped one of the other IV’s out of the case and dragged a chair up to the table. I inserted the tube and let the sedative consume my body.

My mind crumbled down and was rebuilt into her subconscious.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Oh boyyyyy Arthur has gone into her subconscious! What's he gonna find? What's she hiding??

taglist: @jonsncws @h-l-vlovesvintage @theethy @fashionki11a @felicity1994 @bearchermer @idkyoutellmesmh @mimimarvelingmarvel @butterfly-lies-chase-them-away

[medig]

A Tale of Woe, Ep. 41: Helpless

(all episodes)

"What the hell is going on, one minute you guys were giving me my shot, the next thing I know I wake up like this... and I can't move. What the fuck are you sickos doing to me?"

"Misty, you may or may not recall hearing from your sister Susan about the experiment in which she she participated. What was officially being tested in that experiment was a new drug intended to safely immobilize conscious patients during outpatient surgery. With no affect on the patient's breathing, even leaving the patient able to freely communicate with the doctors during the procedure. And no numbness or loss of normal sensation, allowing the doctor to choose local anesthetics as needed. The trials were spectacularly successful, so you can thank your dear sister's contribution to medical science for what you are about to experience."

"Which is?"

"Momentarily, my colleagues and I are going to pull that thin blue sheet down, and open the back of your hospital gown, exposing your poor, helpless, little bare bottom. Then we are going to take that feather, and take turns tickling you about the buttocks, anus, perineum, labia, and clitoris, and continue this procedure until you either soil yourself, lose consciousness, or achieve orgasm. And if the outcome is orgasm, we will continue to see how many we can get out of you before one of the other two outcomes occurs."

"W-w-w-what the actual fuck? No, no, no! N-n-n-no no no.."

"As I told you before, Misty, you are just a little tickletoy now, to do with as I please.. feel my touch and tremble.."

[the nurse removes the sheet]

"Oh no no no I can't take it! Let me go let me go..."

"Misty, you can't go anywhere, your muscles don't work. You're just going to have to ride this out, there is nothing you can do to stop it."

"You son of a bitch, when I can move again I'll kick you in the balls.."

[the doctor opens back of the hospital gown..]

"Big talk for a girl with such a ticklish little tushie.."

[.. and tickles her with his fingers]

"Ahhh! No no no please.. Look you've already got me laid up here butt-side up, can't you just fuck me in the ass or something? Anything but this.."

"Your bargaining is always so amusing, my sweet little Misty Leigh. Now, we three actually have been taking bets about which area of stimulation will yield the first orgasm. Doctor [redacted] predicts the anus, our nurse here suggests the clitoris. My money's on your taint... let's begin"

[princess-of-the-corner]

Ace Attorney Ramble

(So, based on my past few submissions & asks, can you tell what my current hyperfixation is??)

So, had this thought, which will not leave me alone now. I think I remember you saying Manfred von Karma being the “gay rights, but only for me” type, and I can definitely see that. But I had the thought (which is now going on repeat in my brain), that von Karma is more of “What is this ‘Gay’ you speak of??”, mixed with “Gay is ABSOLUTELY a choice”. Like, sort of same but opposite of how you write Enji. Manfred is attracted to men, is fully aware he’s attracted to men, and is making the conscious choice to ignore it. As far as he’s aware, EVERYONE is attracted to the same gender as themselves, but we all ignore it, because continuing the species and family lines are more important. Someone would try to make an argument about how it isn’t a choice, just how human beings are built, and von Karma would fire back about how humans have changed faster than evolution, how we have loads of things that are imperfect about the human body that we “fix”, like eyesight, or the appendix.

Like. He would absolutely appear homophobic, would spout a lot of bullshit that sounds the same, but his actual issue isn’t people being ATTRACTED to the same gender. It’s ACKNOWLEDGING it, because as far as von Karma is aware, attraction to the same gender is on the same level as other things he considers “weak” - addiction, illness, compassion, hurt feelings. Everyone has them, but only WEAKLINGS indulge in such things. A von Karma doesn’t INDULGE, they overcome and surmount! They are never ANYTHING less than perfect, and perfect means a spouse that can give you an heir to the family. He probably had a whole portfolio of men Franziska could pick from to marry and have kids with, based on a bunch of bullshit social stuff. She might argue about IVF, and von Karma would be SCANDALIZED she’d suggest such a thing! He would hound, harass, and maybe even blackmail his daughter into getting hitched and having a kid. And once Franziska had the kid, he would cheerfully support her through a divorce. Social standing observed, boxes ticked, business concluded.

Sort of conversely, I think he’d be simultaneously totally cool with trans people, and also very transphobic. Like, if someone he worked with went up to him and said, “Hey, just so you know, I’m actually a man, my name is Victor now,” he’d be all, “Not sure why you think I care, Mr. Tree, I have cases to deal with,” and never misgender the guy. But if he found out Mr. Victor Tree was taking time off to have transitional surgery, he’d be scornful over the guy “taking time off for something as trivial as THAT”, like, putting your mental and physical health? Over your JOB?? He’d start bringing it up all the time, “oh, are you sure you have time to take that case?? What if you need to go to the hospital? Maybe this case should be trusted to someone with a stronger … constitution”. And the whole office thinks it’s cause Victor is trans, but no, it’s cause he willingly and deliberately sought out medical care.

My big takeaway thing is, I read a lot of fics where Miles has hang ups about his sexuality due to being raised by von Karma, and while I don’t disagree with them, I think it’s more likely that Miles had bigger issues acknowledging needing breaks, or medical care. Like, Franziska got shot, had surgery to remove the bullet, and then immediately left the hospital to find a guy and deliver critical evidence to a courtroom. Miles should be the guy who says, “it’s only a flesh wound,”, meanwhile, he’s been stabbed in the gut, and everyone is pleading with him to go to the hospital. He takes A hit to the head, insists he’s fine, and proceeds to solve a murder with a concussion. His pain tolerance is through the roof, and this is a bad thing.

(Thoughts, feedback?)

-

Honestly you’re right I think he’d see attraction of any kind to be ‘weakness’ so clearly whatever mess his marriage was is a very un-attracted one for other purposes like children or something. Having sex with a woman doesn’t count because he’s not giving in to attraction he’s just doing a business transaction.

Then yeah rip Miles and Franziska they’re gonna be like ‘Hm. My bloods on the outside of me. Pretty sure that’s fine.”

[alienstagess]

“Disgust” Luka image theories:

NOTE: no arguing in comments.

Image source: VIVINOS official YouTube channel.

To start the image itself in terms of color scheme and presentation should be noted, it’s a very crowded piece of art and the colors are very dull and solemn. The color scheme that was chosen shows a cold harsh atmosphere yet the positioning of the luka variations appear to be cradling him. This is actually interesting considering the title of the next video expected to come out. It’s called “Wiege” and a rough translation to English means cradle- perhaps a subtle reference they chose to keep in however it very well could have been done with intention (I’ll get back to that concept a bit later on). Another few things to be noted are the fact it’s a very vulnerable piece, this seems to have also been done with intention to create a sense of vulnerability that isn’t often shown by luka (normally a very closed off character and sort of outcasted from peers// whether that is solely by choice or not is up for debate. Especially after his friendship with Hyuna ended). Now taking a look at the Lukas surrounding the central one we also can pick out some interesting details, all have varying hair and facial expressions but also a key feature is to take a look at the hands. Luka is known to have heart issues which inevitably left his finger tips to turn purple due to the lack of presence of oxygen. The central luka (the real one that we know) we don’t see his hands depicted in the image, it’s cut off so it’s out of view. The hand placement of the surrounding Luka’s is very interesting, but there seems to be a sense of weight and from what we can see they’re underwater. There’s bubbles coming out of the mouth depicting luka drowning, and all the surrounding Luka’s seem to be dragging him down or keeping him under the water. There’s an interesting hand placement on his chest, with one hand making a finger gun like motion, that’s pointing almost to his heart this detail will be important in a moment. As mentioned previously luka has heart issues we seen evidence of such in his surgery scars that can be seen in the outfit he wears in blink gone. Notice now the placement of the finger gun, it is covering some of the scars, same with a few of the other hands and surrounding luka’s. Before we get I to potential meanings and more theories we should take a look at the Central Luka’s expression, his expression suggests he is drowning in some sort of ocean, his expression shows slightly raised eyebrows often a indication of distress. His eyes are devoid of light and staring blankly as if he’s conscious but not actually there (disoriented even). His body seems very limp and he is not seeming to make any attempts to pull away from the surrounding Luka’s or even fight back against the seeming circumstance he is in. He is quite literally just letting it happen. While his expression mirrors one of distress the rest of the ones around him appear at ease and relaxed even.

Now that we have some context we can get into some theories of what all of that might mean.

Luka was created to literally be perfect life form to compete in alien stage, it was his sole purpose and reason for creation. We don’t actually know how many times this was attempted or exactly what features they were looking for when creating Luka as everyone has their own ideas and definitions of perfection. The ones surrounding him could be failed versions of himself. Luka himself isn’t entirely perfect, the most noticeable imperfection being the results of his heart condition / problems. The hand gun over the heart could be pointing to the thing he is super insecure about maybe even disgusted about. Despite this imperfection he’s still kept around as he still holds worth and is seemingly a fan favourite among the alien population. Another thing that’s interesting is the fact luka is always pretending to be everyone but himself. during various rounds he uses mimicking to make people mess up and add another win to the board.

Another I have is that Luka is quite literally a rock in a hard place. He is doomed to be nothing more and nothing less than the purpose they assign to him. There’s no escape from said fate unless he literally dies. He’s drowning in the sea of losing control over his own existence, he can’t scream or even ask for help and is trapped unable to even swim up for air. Weighed down by the burden of fate. The Luka surrounding him have a sense of acceptance…

acknowledgements even, yet he still hasn’t come to terms and instead of fighting he is forced to sit there and let it happen. He knows his worth to the aliens and that even if he tried he will forever be weighed down by the pressure. They’re cradling him coaxing him into accepting his existence.

I believe Luka to somewhat be a very insecure character deep down, maybe he is still unsatisfied with himself and that has lead to disgust. The Luka’s surrounding him comforting his insecurities and covering them, reminding him it’s what he was made for they’re hiding his insecurities. Luka is also often shown being bored and uninterested during scenes when he gets attention from the paparazzi. He very well could hate being seen as a “pet” and forced to be perfect on TV and expected to sit silently and just take it.

Or maybe even Luka’s own behaviour has isolated him and he’s left with no one to comfort but quite literally himself.

Luka being the “prince” of alien stage and maybe he is suffocating under the weight and pressure of perfectionism. He never seems himself as being good enough and is held under the pressure of accommodating everyone else’s desire of him further reinforcing the point he has quite literally no control over his life. Which could be why he becomes so manipulative on the rounds because it’s the only instance where he feels in control.

Another thing this image could be is potentially different versions of himself from the past alien stage, before his heart condition took over and caused his main insecurity that “disgusts” him. If we look at the lengths of hair it’s very well possible these could all be versions of himself. Maybe he viewed those previous versions as perfect and then as time went on his insecurities grew and he longs to go back how it was. they’re all covering his insecurities and his current version of himself feels as if there’s something wrong with him. There’s a saying hair holds memory and maybe such saying can be applied here in this context.

Anyway those are some theories about the disgust luka image, reminder these are all theories and nothing here has been confirmed it’s all purely speculation! Please do not argue In comments as these are just hypotheticals! I apologize if there’s any spelling errors!

[gatheringbones]

[“If I were growing up now, I might consider myself trans too,” says my friend Kate. She grew up in the Texas Panhandle during the 1950s and gravitated toward feminism in the 1970s like many of her peers. She adds ruefully: “I’m glad I didn’t have that option.”

Nadia has absorbed those fears, and she wonders whether her friends will see her top surgery as an act of betrayal. Before they left for Florida, Nadia implored her girlfriend, Flora, not to tell lesbian friends of theirs that she’s “getting rid of [her] boobs,” joking that she’d “be out of the club.” Flora says she feared losing access to her lover’s body. Never having undergone surgery before, she was afraid of the unknown. “Will it really solve her problems?” she wondered. Why put yourself through that? And why go to a doctor who specializes in transmale top surgery if you’re not trans yourself?

Nadia has stayed in touch with some of the lesbian-identified people she met online who told her they were having top surgery. A few have since “decided to go on T and now identify as male,” she says. It led Nadia to question her own motivations: “Will I begin to identify as trans? Is removing my breasts some sort of internalized misogyny? Am I betraying the lesbian community?”

The fact that transitioning is now an option for women who identify as male means that Nadia must consider how she wishes to identify herself. Flora reassured her: “Having tissue removed from your body is not going to make you a man.” Several months after she had undergone top surgery, Nadia still sees herself as a woman—albeit a woman without boobs. She has a new job and a new girlfriend—someone she used to work with at the employment counseling nonprofit, who worked with her in her union. Her involvement in the union has energized her in new ways, renewing her commitment to social justice organizing. When we speak, she seems happier and more at ease with her life. Top surgery hasn’t changed her life radically, though it has helped her intimate relationships, she says, and has made her less self-conscious about her body. She goes to the beach or to the Y locker room topless now and no one bats their eyes. “I now look how I’m supposed to look,” she says.

Recently, when she was at a union conference in Las Vegas, Nadia spotted another person at the hotel pool who also had the familiar scars of someone who had had top surgery, who was also there with a girlfriend. Though they didn’t say anything to each other, they looked at each other and shared a glint of recognition. Her story suggests that after being estranged from one another, younger butches and trans men are finding one another and making common cause, welcoming gender-crossers into the Lesbian Nation.

In an effort to blur the boundaries between butch lesbians and transgender men, some have suggested the label “transbutch.” When I ask Nadia whether that label is meaningful to her, she seems unconvinced. “It seems too ‘second wave,’ ” she says. Nadia sees herself as part of feminism’s “third wave,” which is more aware of queer issues and racial diversity, and which refuses to “put people in categories.” Unlike her second-wave feminist foremothers, who, in their enthusiasm for remaking the world, seemed at times pretty prescriptive, she’d prefer to “let them decide for themselves how they identify,” she says. So for now, she’s calling herself “butch and queer.” Or “whatever.”]

arlene stein, from unbound: transgender men and the remaking of identity, 2018