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mill3rd · 2 months ago

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REMMICK DRABBLE #3 | the shining au

just a filler while i make my witch fic, also cus i rewatched the shining this week 2k words

all thirst and no prey makes remmick a hungry boy.

inside the typewriter rest a page with the same phrase repeated over and over and over. some lines had multiple errors, some lines were worded perfectly.

you look out of the window, the sun barely making it past the closed curtains and bite your lip anxiously. then your wide, curious, and paranoid eyes focus on the table—moreso the continued repetition of the phrase ‘all thirst and no prey makes remmick a hungry boy’.

pages upon pages, i mean stacks of pages of that frightening phrase. everything about it is strange: the formatting changes, lines break in the middle of words, the ink gets darker—more violent, some lines are scratched in with something not ink.

you flick through them, skimming over them and picking them from the pile one by one at an increasing rate. the words blur into one.

your pupils constrict as an unfamiliar fear clogs up your throat. they hover over the words, tracing each one until the phrase brands itself behind your eyes, seared into memory like a scar.

the carpet behind you rustles and instantly your heart races. you feel the rush of blood inside you, the terror that lives in your bloodstream. with a gasp, loud and heavy, you turn around and clutch your flask to your chest.

“you like it?”

remmick is leaning against the door frame, a grin on his face. twisted with a sick sense of entertainment. his eyes are pearls of black, ridiculously dilated. in this moment, he terrifies you.

your mouth opens, your chest heaving. you laugh, trying to play off your behaviour, “remmick! you scared me..”

remmick tilts his head, still grinning, smiling from ear to ear, too smug with himself, “i asked if you like it.”

you perk up, your head whipping back to the pages and then back to remmick, “yeah! ...yeah. i thought you were writing a novel, though.”

instantly, his smile droops. his eyes lock onto you, unblinking, heavy with something colder than anger. he steps closer and closer—slow, deliberate—as he murmurs, “so... you don’t like it?”

your really trying to increase the distance now, taking bigger steps back. your grip tightens on the flask, “i didn’t say that! remmick, please!”

your voice is raw from the horror clawing its way up your throat. you always knew it was only a matter of time before remmick got bored—before the hunger drowned out whatever part of him still chose you.

you’d seen it coming.

maybe it started when he moved your family into the old manor he’d claimed, dressed it up like a home, like he could fake the warmth he no longer felt.

but that hunger... it’s louder now.

and you're starting to think he doesn't remember your name when he's starving.

“y’know, i don’t think you appreciate the work i’ve put into it,” remmick hisses, leaning forward—stalking you like a predator, “the effort i’ve put into making this house a home, y’know with us working with two different body clocks ‘n all.”

you back away, rounding the desk. every step for you is a prayer he doesn’t suddenly lunge. remmick mirrors you with maddening calm, eyes never leaving your face.

“i should check on marnie—” you start, voice trembling, weak. his grin spreads wider, not amused—delighted.

“marnie! oh, marnie, marnie, precious marnie,” remmick bursts out, causing you to flinch. he says her name like it’s a joke. like it tastes sweet in his mouth.

your back hits the frame so suddenly that you sob. once. singular. a cry of surprise. you inch to the side, slipping out of the study and into the grand foyer.

remmick rolls his eyes, “what’s wrong with marnie, baby? c’mon why do you need a doctor for her?”

“she’s—she’s sick, rem,” your voice cracks as your heel knocks the first step of the staircase, “she ain’t been feeling to good lately.”

he smiles, toothy and menacing. his fangs glint even in the shadowy room, “i told ya, baby! she’s a late bloomer, anytime soon ‘n her fangs will be poppin’ right through.”

you cry—pathetic, gasping sobs that shake your whole frame as you twist at the cap of the flask. your hands are slippery with fear, but you get it open. the smell hits the air—clean, sharp, unnatural.

remmick falters mid-step, nose upwards and twitching—inhaling. his expression fractures, confusion creeping in behind the hunger.

“what—what is that?”

his eyes drop to the flask, then snap back to yours. he lifts his hands like he’s soothing a wild animal.

“holy water? really?”

he laughs once—short, bitter, “i give you a home. a child. and in return you threaten me with holy water?”

his voice pitches, not quite a shout—just louder than it needs to be.

“you think i’d hurt you?” he asks, though it sounds more like an accusation than a question, “after everything i gave you?”

“no, no,” you wail, the words barely forming through the wet mess of your sobbing. you don’t even try to make them sound true. they fall from your mouth all the same—pathetic, cracked, and trembling. a lie you both hear and both know.

you shake your head like it’ll undo it, like you can rattle the fear loose from your skull. your vision tilts, sways—dizziness blooming behind your eyes. the nausea swells with it, hot and bitter, curling up your throat.

you clutch the flask tighter. it’s the only thing that feels real.

remmick takes a slow step forward, hands still raised, palms open like he's offering peace. his voice softens—dangerously so.

“hey. hey now. i’m not gonna hurt you.”

he smiles, but there’s something broken behind it. his eyes never quite match the calm in his voice.

“you’re scared. i get it. you’ve been in your head too long, listening to that little panic voice that says i’m some kind of monster.”

another step. another inch off your retreat.

“but i’m still me, aren’t i?”

he laughs—low, breathy, “you know me. you do. even now. i mean, for god’s sake—you sleep next to me. sometimes, anyway.”

the flask shakes in your hand, water spilling out. you’re pathetic in your attempt to keep remmick at a distance and he feels a pang of pity in his unbeating heart. he almost feels bad

“look at ya,” he murmurs, eyes flicking down to the trembling silver cap, “look what they’ve made you do, what they’ve made you think.”

his voice drops to a whisper—sweet and suffocating.

“i’m not gonna hurt you, i’d never hurt you...” he croons before gritting his teeth, “but you’re making this very hard.”

“get away from me!” you shriek, voice splitting with panic as you fling your arm out. a spray of holy water arcs through the air—clumsy, desperate.

a few drops hit their mark.

they sizzle the moment they touch his skin. angry blisters rise along his neck and collarbone, the flesh warping, bubbling like wax under a flame.

remmick reels back with a sharp inhale, clutching at the burn. his fingers press uselessly against it, as if he can force the pain back in.

“ah—shit!” his tone replicates a snake: venomous, a decieving hiss, his voice thin and trembling, more stunned than furious. he hops in his spot, trying to shake the pain and even begins to pace the two steps he occupies. his hand brushes through his hair and he goes silent—save for his heavy, irritated huffing.

his eyes flick to the flask still in your hand. something in him shifts—sharp, final. whatever pretense was left in his expression melts away.

“baby,” he says, voice dry and stripped of affection “flame of my undead life…”

his smile curls, slow and joyless, “i’m not gonna hurt’cha.”

he takes a step, then another—closer now, no longer pretending, no longer gentle. just hunger and heat behind his eyes. the burn on his neck is still raw, still smoking—but it doesn’t slow him down

“i’m just gonna bleed you dry,” remmick lets each word hang, slow and deliberate, savoring the way they land. he watches you the whole time—your chest rising too fast, your fingers twitching, the fear tightening every muscle in your body.

he can hear your heart calling for help, he can taste the panic clinging to your breath and he’s loving it. he leans in, just slightly, voice dipping into something low and full of heat.

“i’m gonna sink my teeth into you…” his smile widens, eyes locked on yours—unchanging, unblinking, “and drink you the fuck down.”

he exhales once, slow and steady, like he’s already imagining the warmth of your blood.

“and then,” he leans back, arms spreading wide as if to pull you into an impossible embrace,

“you, me, and marnie—we’ll all live as one. in harmony! no sun, no moon dividing us—‘cause we’ll be the same kind: cold blooded people.”

you nearly collapse inward, gripping your knees like they’re the only thing keeping you upright. your breath comes in ragged gasps. eyes blur with tears as they flick down to the flask in your hand, then back up to remmick.

“you ain’t ‘people,’ rem,” you whisper, voice raw and breaking, “that’s just not what you are.”

remmick’s eyes narrow, cold and calculating. he steps closer, each movement deliberate, the space between you shrinking like a noose tightening.

“you think keeping that little bottle close will make a difference?” he says, voice low and sharp, dripping with dark amusement.

“holy water, right? your little shield,” his fingers twitch, craving to snatch it from your grasp.

“but it won’t stop me,” he leans in, voice dropping to a dangerous whisper.

“so why don’t you… just give me the flask?”

the demand lingers in the air, heavy with threat and something far colder.

you scream, voice raw and ragged, tearing at your vocal cords. it’s no use—just noise filling the heavy, suffocating silence. you scream because you don’t know what else to do.

the house is empty except for marnie, and the thought of her seeing this—her parents unraveling like this—breaks something deep inside you. you don’t want her to witness this darkness swallowing you both any more than she already has.

you start pouring the holy water fast, desperate and wild, splashing it over him until the flask runs dry.

he whines and groans, the sizzling burns covering his skin, but beneath the pain, that twisted hunger never fades. he licks his lips slowly, tongue flicking over sharp fangs as he locks eyes with you.

“c’mon, baby,” he pleads, voice dripping with false sweetness, “you give me the flask… and we put all this behind us, yeah?”

remmick closes the distance fast, and you’re backed up against the top step. the cold brick wall presses behind you—your only barrier between him and everything you once called safe.

a surge of adrenaline tears through you—sharp and fierce—your last desperate weapon.

“you want this flask, rem? you want it? have it, it’s all—”

you coil your arm back, summoning every ounce of strength in a moment that feels impossibly fragile. then you strike—hard—smashing the flask against his head, “—yours!”

he clutches at his head, curses spilling from his lips in a harsh, ragged breath. stumbling backward, he loses his footing and tumbles down the staircase in a clumsy, chaotic roll.

you stand frozen, tension thick in your bones, watching as he crashes into the foyer below.

when he doesn’t move, the weight of it crashes down on you. your legs give out, and you sink to the floor, burying your face in trembling palms as tears spill free, fat, and hot.

#remmick x reader #remmick sinners #sinners 2025 #jack o'connell #the shining #remmick #althea writes #mill3rd #altheas drabbles

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kimberleyjean · 1 year ago

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The Ineffable Detective Agency Presents: What Happened in Before the Beginning?

Hello Good Omens clue hunters and detectives! I’m super excited to share what we’ve discovered in Before the Beginning. Read on if you want to see what no one else has spotted yet!

To put a long story short, something is “up” about Good Omens - Season 2 in particular. While the eagle-eyed have documented a number of odd things in Season 2 already (summarised here), I’ve never seen anyone call into question what was presented during the Before the Beginning scene. Let’s take a closer look shall we?

Remember this scroll to start the nebula? Well, guess what - it changes!

Here’s the first scroll we see on screen, I’m going to call this the “new” scroll. Note the straight edges and completely pristine look, like brand new paper:

Then suddenly, here’s what it looks like as they start up the nebula:

Whoa, that’s looking pretty old and ragged! It’s got rips, a bit of discolouration, several wavy bends running through it. That’s a significantly more worn scroll than we were just shown. Let’s show that in close up just to be sure:

Yup, that’s certainly not meant to be the same scroll!

During this scene, the old scroll is seen again during the close up of Aziraphale holding it. However, once Crowley instructs him to put it down, it’s the new scroll again. (And then at this point it disappears into hammerspace like in a cartoon, or drifts off into space, never to be seen again).

So... there's TWO scrolls?

Well, yes, but also, no. If you're wondering, “Are they both real scrolls? Are you telling me they had two on set?” the short answer is no, this was done with VFX. To explain why we know this, I’m going to hand over to our resident Art Director, @noneorother:

Hi all, @noneorother here. Sure. So it's mostly to do with the shadow inside the scroll curls and under the right hand side curl. You can see when it's the real scroll that the shadows are all orange or brown, because of sub-surface scattering:

It happens when light partially passes through a thin porous object like skin or paper. So when the scroll is new, it's real. Where they've added "scroll is old now" VFX on top of the shots, it's very well tracked, but there's no more sub-surface scattering because it's VFX, not filmed. So the shadows are now base-black inside the curl and to the right hand side of the image. This is the VFX scroll here:

They already perfectly tracked the astronomy animation into the center of the scroll, so they had all that tracking info just sitting around. It wouldn't have been very expensive to add the "old scroll" the way they did it (the cheap and dirty way).

Thanks @noneorother! So there we have it folks, the Good Omens team have intentionally designed some shots with the old-looking VFX scroll and some without. They had the assets created for the old scroll and the tracking to place it correctly, so how could they possibly make the “mistake” of adding it sometimes but not others? This wasn’t a budget thing. If it were budget related, they wouldn’t have created the old scroll VFX in the first place.

Personally, I think this discontinuity was to tell us, the dedicated rewatchers, that what we initially saw in S2 was not the whole story. There is something else at play during S2. Something that, depending on what we find, may make S3 even more enjoyable.

So, why do this? Is this scene being conveyed from different perspectives? Are we viewing different characters’ memories of the same event? If so, why would that be important? Is someone tampering with past events? Did “Before the Beginning” happen multiple times and we’ve seen a spliced together version? What do you think?

One More Question...

The other question worth asking here (which Aziraphale helpfully asks for us) is “which way up” does the scroll go? Look closely at the central rings.

Is it the top version (small rings to the right)?

Or the lower version (small rings to the left)?

... and what happens if you create a nebula upside down, I wonder? Here I’m reminded of the Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square lyrics:

The moon that lingered over London Town Poor puzzled moon, he wore a frown How could he know we two were so in love The whole darn world seemed upside down

In a season where something is going "Down in the Up", and the answer to Gabriel’s mystery is achieved by turning the delivery box upside down, this is yet another up-down reversal we can add to the list!

..................................................................................

If you’ve been following our Good Omens posts up until now, you’ll be aware that this is not the only time scenes have been inconsistent or discontinuous. If this is new to you, please check out my summary post on Season 2 discontinuity here. For more of our posts, plus a collection of Clues and metas from all over the fandom, see here.

However, there is still more to come, so watch out for future updates. If you’re not currently puzzling over Good Omens and would like to join in, please do! We’d love to hear what you find - you can use the tag #ineffable mystery.

Special thanks to @noneorother, @embracing-the-ineffable, and to all the other lovely people at @ineffable-detective-agency (@theastrophysicistnextdoor, @ghstptats, @somehow-a-human, @lookingatacupoftea, @dunkthebiscuit @havemyheartaziraphale, @komorezuki, @251-dmr, @maufungi).

#ineffable mystery #good omens #good omens meta #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #crowley #before the beginning #good omens clues #good omens details #good omens analysis #good omens season 2 #ineffable detective agency #go meta #go 2 #good omens discontinuity #good omens speculation #good omens vfx #milk vfx

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angeliolo · 5 months ago

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remember everything

y/n’s pov

an au by me and @sofisturns

𓇼 chap. 4 - easy

as my feet dragged along the cold sand, the only thing my mind focused on was him. the way the bonfire glow reflected onto his fair skin, the way he squinted his eyes whenever he laughed, the way he fiddled with his untouched drink, the way he looked at me tonight.

when i finally arrive back home, im greeted with nothing but uncomfortable silence and the slight hum of the air conditioning. i check my phone. 1:43 am. i let out a deep sigh as an attempt to break the silence. no messages, no missed calls, no greeting at the door. a part of me wished my parents would’ve shown some signs of worry of where i was, but i knew they wouldn’t- they never do

after taking a shower, i lay on my bed- the warm sheets almost replicating the feeling of chris’ presence. it’s a poor substitute but i let myself sink into the illusion that we are still together, walking along the shoreline.

i grab my phone without thinking- my mind working on autopilot as i pull up his instagram. I convince myself that i’m just checking, just taking a brief look, but before i realize it im scrolling. I can’t help myself, i’ve never been so invested in a person before- let alone a boy. I catch myself smiling as i tap through his highlights, seeing photos of him and his brothers, various sceneries, snapshots of his life.

before i know it, im in too deep. rewatching his highlights for what feels like forever. suddenly a wave of confidence rushes over me, i swipe to open my dms and type in his username. the words “hi there” are on my screen, my thumb hovering over the send. what if he didn’t want to talk this late. what if he wasn’t even up. what if matt or nick said something about me. my inner thoughts and anxiety take over, distracting me from noticing i sent the message. shit.

y/n and chris dm’s

hi there: @y/n.y/n/l/n

@chrissturniolo: what’s up

couldn’t sleep lol plus i missed you :@y/n.y/n/l/n

@chrissturniolo: missing me already y/n? and you think i’m the bold one

@chrissturniolo: anyways, you trynna do something tomorrow?

send me your address. i’ll meet you tomorrow morning, i’ll show you around the shore. :@y/n.y/n/l/n

suddenly the silence in my room didn’t feel so heavy, i couldn’t wait to see chris again. i couldn’t figure out why i was so drawn to him, his presence- why the thought of being around him made my chest feel lighter, like i could finally be my full authentic self.

i stayed there in my bed, lying on my side as i tried to answer the big question in my mind. why was talking to him so easy? i had known all the guys down here at the shore for years, i’d grown up with them , yet when it came down to it, every conversation felt forced, like i was caught in a riptide unable to keep up.

maybe it was the way his initial demeanor was reserved, like he was someone worth uncovering. or maybe it was the way his voice was welcoming, steady like the waves lapping against the sand reminding me to stay grounded while everything else had drifted away.

although we’d only known each other for a short period of time, our conversations were some of the best i’d had in a while. our words flowed effortlessly, as if we were currents pulling each other back to shore. With Chris, i didn’t have to second guess what i was about to say, never had to hold my breath, or pretend to act like i cared about what he was saying. He made the space around us feel open- like the sea stretching far beyond the horizon, leaving more to be discovered- both unknown and thrilling.

i roll over onto my other side, allowing the warmth of my blankets swallow me, a small smile tugging on my lips. Tomorrow, i’d get to see him again. I close my eyes as the thought of him washes over me, providing more warmth than i already had.

ᝰ hey luvs! i hope we are all enjoying remember everything so far

posted early just for @sonnysturns <3

⋆.˚ taglist

@chrissturniolossidebitch @chrissweetheart @m00nl1tgh0st @mothstvrnz @stvrniolotrxpl3ts @espressqe @chrepsi @samwinchesterisawhore @sonnysturns

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summertide-treehouse · 5 months ago

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season 1 review im really dead on tumblr but expect alot of ninjago art asap.

It only took me a year ( don’t let me procrastinate on ts again ) but I finally finished Season 2 of my Ninjago rewatch, heres my review.

Similar to Season 1, there was a lot of things that I ended up liking more than I remembered even though there were some inconsistencies. I think the pacing worked really well. It did drag a little bit in the first few episodes, but it worked since they were still finding themselves again after Season 1’s finale, and the transition from Season 1 villains to Season 2 villains worked really well. I’d probably have more to say if I didn’t stop watching half the season for almost a year ( I graduated and just. Life </3 ) but from all I remember and wrote down, I definitely liked this season more than the last.

I know a lot of people don’t like Misako for their own reasons, same as Wu, but I loved Misako here, and her chemistry with Wu and Garmadon. She is so smart and always brought a new and different approach to situations, and she always reassured Lloyd that his father does love him, even if its someplace far away. It may not be important to a lot of people, but’s such a powerful message for me; having to confront a parent who’s harmed you when you don’t want too, but you need to anyway, and your other parent, who’s been hurt the same, stands with you without villainizing the other. Misako and Garmadon themselves are so deeply tragic as well, there was absolutely love between them at some point. I like to think there still is, but it’s clear they miss what they had rather than what they have, especially in Misakos case, since she told Garmadon that he “is not the man she married”, and although Garmadon still loves her the same, he doesn’t understand that he could never be a good husband/father, let alone a good person, by selfishly going through with the plans he was making, completely destroying the chemistry they once had. It is SUCH a realistic dynamic that I’ve seen growing up. There is love, they do not hate each other- but they are not good for each other, it can only be salvaged if the one at fault makes a positive change, but nothing can be done to fix the damage, even if things are at their best. I think this ties into why Misako is so close to Wu. I’m not a big Wusako person myself, but it makes sense why she would seek him out; he is the closest thing to what Garmadon once was, and there is absolutely security with him since she knows Wu won’t change the same way Garmadon did.

On the topic of Garmadon now, I found his growth interesting. I feel the same in Season 1, it’s kind of hard to root for his redemption since we are constantly seeing him regret and hesitate when it comes to fighting Lloyd, but as soon as his motives are questioned he goes through with it with more energy than before. In spite of the venom, we’ve seen him fight it before, and not act on those urges, so there’s no reason he can’t when it comes to fighting Lloyd. Although it’s a bit ‘bittersweet’, for lack of a better word, once he realizes the Overlord lied to him and takes possession over him, and seeing Garmadon finally take initiative and fight back was absolutely a real step in the right direction. It should’ve been Lloyd or his family that should’ve been what convinced him, but it’s still a kids show, and the fact it was “destiny” made things a bit inevitable, so I don’t totally hate how that was his final straw. I did enjoy how Lloyd defeating the Overlord was what cured Garmadon of the venom, I just think that’s too soon of a redemption arc for him. With how long he’s been evil for, I don’t think he suddenly would’ve “felt good”, old habits definitely would’ve stuck that we should be able to see him work through to continue to make positive steps, but they make great headcannons even if its not canon.

Overall, I really loved the villains, all the character growth the Ninja and other characters go through, there was A LOT to unpack in this season and it was really fun. You can really tell that Ninjago is beginning to discover itself here and I feel hooked into this show all over again despite me being a huge fan since 2018. Solid 8.5/10

Also is it just me or did Kozu sound alot like Count Orlok. I giggled everytime he was on screen

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kookiestarlight · 3 months ago

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your girl is missing her boyfriend and I just wanted to yap my heart out a little because my journal is too far out of my reach from my bed lmao

so here’s a love letter: 💌

not even a full month into dating my now boyfriend, I went to his place and he cooked dinner for me. he made pasta because he knows it’s my favorite thing, and he also knows I love shrimp, and even though he does too, he scooped every single one onto my plate. It was such a tiny gesture, but it made me realize nobody had ever done such a small thing for me just to make me happy. I remember thinking he looked so cute, that I started filming him, and I rewatched that stupid little video every night when I got home just to hear him laugh again.

after we finished eating, we were sat across from each other, when I noticed how quiet he suddenly went, and then so did I. I asked him what was the matter, and he just shook his head. but after a moment, he just looked at me with a smile and then started crying.

I got up and went over to him and asked him what was wrong multiple times, and he just kept shaking his head. so I sat on his lap, and we held each other. I was actually so scared because I wasn’t sure if he was about to tell me something terrible or if I had done something wrong. but he then told me he was in love with me, and that he didn’t know why that made him cry. but he just wanted to cry. and he’s never really been a big crier. he said being with me made him so happy and that he’d never experienced what he felt when he was with me before, it was overwhelming, and that scared him.

we weren’t officially together back then, and he was about to go back to his country in less than a week. we were both aware of this the whole time we dated, but the first time he asked me on a date, I accepted but never expected to feel anything for him.

I told him to stop crying because he was going to make me cry, and as I wiped his tears from his face he just said that we should cry together. so like two idiots, we did. I actually did shed a tear or two, that landed right on his arm, and I remember thinking in that very moment oh shit what the hell did I just get myself into😂

as I sat in his lap and we hugged for what felt like an eternity in silence. I came to accept that what I was feeling was real. that I genuinely had feelings for this guy and there was no way out of it and no way of running away without feeling hurt in the process.

I’ve had a lot of bad experiences with men in the past. I was an absolute man hater and I didn’t really talk to any guys or go on dates or anything of the sort for ages. I didn’t want a relationship or to waste my time trying to get to know anyone or going on meaningless dates with guys who just wanted to end up hooking up with me and ghosting me afterwards. but when my boyfriend came along, I don’t even know why I gave it a chance. I went in with no expectation’s whatsoever, especially because I knew he was not from my country and he was leaving fairly soon, but for some reason I gave it a chance. and that was absolutely huge for me.

he told me he loved me again, and for the first time in years, and for the first time ever, I felt like I finally said I love you and felt with every fiber in me.

he said he didn’t want to leave, and I cried again, because with all the love and emotion flowing inside me from hearing those words come from him and the fact I felt it too, I’d pushed to then back of my mind the fact that he was leaving. and despite our feelings being strong, there was nothing we could do about that. it was inevitable.

he said he wanted to be with me and he didn’t want to let this go because he genuinely felt he would never experience this again with anyone else. he actually asked me to be his girlfriend, but the scaredy cat in me jumped out again and I told him I needed a few days to think about it. I told him it’s a big commitment and it’s jumping into unknown territory for me. for both of us. that we would need to have a lot of important conversations first. I loved him and he loved me, but how does one even make a long distance relationship with 7,000 miles between us work?

well, on his last night before leaving he took me out to a super wonderful dinner and I stayed the night. I finally accepted his offer and we became an official couple that night hahaha. we stayed up until 5 am that night just talking and then we got a taxi to the airport when it was still pitch black outside.

as you can imagine, it was one of the hardest goodbyes of my life.

It’s been over a year now and somehow, we’ve made it work. I feel like everyday I love him more than the last. distance isn’t easy and it’s painful every day that we aren’t together, but somehow, nothing feels more worth it. we know it won’t be forever.

he goes to great lengths to come see me whenever he can, and so do I. we get to travel a lot which is a plus😂 we make time for each other even when we don’t have time. time zones make it hell sometimes. but he’ll call me late at night when he’s finally walking back home after work or taking a shower before bed, and I’ll be starting my shift and already sneaking away to the bathrooms where I have to hide and talk to him in whispers, even if it’s just 5 minutes😂 sometimes I stay awake after a non stop day until 3 am just to hear his voice and see his face for a little while when he wakes up and rushes his breakfast before going into class.

he always sends me pictures of little things that remind him of me through the day. or sometimes a simple “I miss you.” Or a silly little gif. but it’s a way to let each other know that despite the distance, we’re always present.

effort, sacrifice, communication and love is what makes it work. and even with all of those, it’s still hard. but you know in your heart when it’s worth it.

maybe I’m just sentimental but I’m currently laying in bed trying to stay awake waiting for his call. and I just thought, I almost let the love of my life go because I was scared. what if I had said no and ran away like I have so many times before?

and yes, I had every right to be scared. our situation in particular was extra hard and even more “impossible”. I know a lot of people would’ve made a different choice, and I can definitely understand that.

love can be scary and I was afraid of it for so long, I was afraid to feel hurt again, to be distracted from my life path because of heartbreak, to open up to someone only to be left empty when they decided they were bored. but sometimes you just have to dive deep, and remember the surface will always be there. don’t miss out on something that could be beautiful because of fear.

because like I said, heartbreak happens. and bad experiences and failed romances are almost inevitable. but you should never let it stop you from finding something truly magical. whether that may be fleeting or for forever. just let your heart feel it.

because your heart can heal from heartbreak, but it can never learn authentic love if you don’t allow it to experience it. ❤️‍🩹

(here’s a tiny bit of the silly little shrimp video because I cried over it again) god do I miss him🥹

#tasha talks 💌#just a little talk about love

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bunnyboilovessookie · 6 months ago

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YHS headcanon (warning: yapping)

Introduction: Lemme start yapping. I like to think that all 4 of Sam’s best friends throughout both YHSs have/had a crush on him (which is very funny considering we’re talking about Sam). And this is me rambling about how each of them views him/their crush on him. But I do need to say that I last watched YHS two years ago and, while I’m currently rewatching it, I’m only at episode 5 right now, I never finished watching Tokyo Soul and barely remember it and have not watched the YHS reboot at all, so all of this comes from what I remember of YHS/TS + things from fanon content, and only things from fanon content in the case of the reboot so this might be out of character but it’s how they are in my head right now and I need to get the brain worms out. Also because I haven’t watched the reboot, the sections from Taurtis and Grian will be longer than the sections from Coolment and Owl. Oh yeah, I also haven’t watched Yandere either so I have no idea how the OG trio met.

Taurtis: Taurtis views Sam as his best friend, and they’ve lived together for a long time, so they’re very close. I don’t think he ever realises he has feelings for Sam, it’s not like suddenly he likes him, it’s a long process and by the time he’s absolutely smitten he has no idea. He knows he feels all warm and comfortable around Sam, but he thinks that’s just a friendship thing (doesn’t help that he also has a crush on his other closest friend). He is fully aware he wants to date Sam, he knows how he feels, he knows he fantasises about kissing him, he just doesn’t clock that’s because he likes him, to him, that’s just something his brain does. Even after Sam goes crazy, he doesn’t really care, it’s still Sam. He probably realises it’s a crush after telling someone (probably Grian) about it and getting told “yeah, that’s a crush”. He’d be like “ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that explains a lot lol”. He doesn’t pursue a relationship with Sam though, because he’s happy just being friends with him. He wouldn’t mind dating him, of course, but to him it doesn’t really matter what they are, as long as they’re together.

Grian: Grian fucking hates Sam. And he also hates the fact that he has a crush on him. It makes him irrationally angry whenever he gets all flustered over Sam doing anything. Especially if that thing is hurting someone (because obviously that’s bad but, man, does he look good when he stabs people). He hates the fact that he thinks Sam’s rabbit traits are adorable, he hates the fact that he knows the exact number of freckles on Sam’s cheeks and nose bridge, he hates how in love he is with a fucking psycho who has caused him more trauma than he has anyone else. He tries to bottle up the feelings because he really doesn’t want to end up actually dating Sam, that’d be the stupidest thing he’d do in his life. And yet, sometimes, he can’t help but let himself go. They’ve definitely kissed before. And Grian cherishes those memories but also prays they never happen again because if he gets just a little more he might just completely shatter. He doesn’t want to feel like this but no matter what the crush just doesn’t fade. And sometimes, he finds himself just hanging out with Sam when he isn’t being an absolute menace and thinks “why can’t we be like this all the time?” but he knows the answer. It’s all just wishful thinking. It’s better to just leave.

Coolment: Coolment, from the little I’ve seen of him, reminds me a lot of both Grian and Taurtis (which I could write a whole essay about, Sam’s new best friend being a mix of his old ones is just peak material). He likes Sam in a way he can’t really describe, but he just wants to do everything in his power to make Sam happy. He follows him everywhere, always helping him with his antics, no matter what they are, just to see him smile. His therapist has 100% told him that he shouldn’t be doing that but he thinks seeing that smile is more beneficial to his mental health than anything else ever could be. He doesn’t want to date Sam, he doesn’t even think about that being a possibility, because he’s certain Sam views him as below himself, so there’s no way there could ever be anything between them. Sometimes Sam kisses him, or acts in a loving way towards him, but he can tell Sam’s doing it because he misses someone else, he’s thinking about that other someone the whole way through. (I do think Sam has feelings for Coolment as well, but oughhh my polytrio angst,, he misses them and uses Coolment as a replacement :(( ). But he doesn’t really care. He’ll take what he can get. Just as long as Sam is happy.

Owl: Owl, I think, is the only one that doesn’t really have a chance with Sam (bro’s totally gay, you cannot convince me otherwise). She knows this and she doesn’t really care. The one thing that makes her the happiest is the fact that Sam is very comfortable around her, being vulnerable in a way he isn’t around others. He loves angrily ranting about his problems and making them everyone else’s problems, but when there’s something that’s truly eating away at him, something that he doesn’t want to tell anyone else, he goes to Owl, and she listens to him and she comforts him and she never tries to come up with solutions for the problems because she knows that’s not what Sam needs. If he’s there, it’s because he’s already thought about everything he could do and has come up empty handed, and feels like he just can’t get out of this situation so he goes to the one person he knows will always let him cry on her shoulder while she holds him close and reassures him that, not matter what he’s going through, she’ll always be there for him. She takes pride in that, even if no one else even knows he does that. She wants to help him as much as she can, she wants him to get better. She knows he’s never going to go to a therapist, so she tries to be his therapist the best she can. The very few times Sam is actually sweet to her, acting gently and trying to be as kind as possible, she almost feels like crying. She knows that’s hard for him, she knows he’s making an effort to act like that just for her. She might’ve cried happy tears once or twice because of that. I imagine at some point Sam tried to help her preen her wings (which he knows how to do because of Grian, but of course, he doesn’t tell her that) and she was scared at first because her wings are very delicate and, with how much of a brute Sam could be at times, she thought she was gonna end up in pain, but he was very gentle, and she felt the closest to him she’s ever felt in that moment. And still, she keeps quiet about her feelings, because she knows they could never amount to anything. It’s still a nice thought tho.

I yapped more than I thought I would. I might make a part two talking about other characters that, either canonically or just my own headcanon, also had feelings for Sam (Yuki, Invader, Dom…), but for now this is all you get.

#yhs #samgladiator yhs #yandere high school #tokyo soul #yhs reboot #headcanons #yhs headcanons #my thoughts #i really needed to get this out #it's all that has been on my mind lately

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aetherbug-nemui · 2 months ago

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this ask is a free ticket to write an analysis on your favorite character’s execution, if they have one

Ah— huh? Uh huh? Wild West insecticide. I cry A LOT every time I watch it but I’ve never done an analysis. I rewatched it twice to make this and I’ve never made a analysis before so bear with me

trigger warning for blood, fire, burning alive, and death obviously

First I wanna bring up the lyrics in the first bit when monokuma is readying the gun

“Long gone”

“I’m at the bottom of the ocean”

“I’m at the bottom of the sea”

I feel like this is a contrast to danganronpa 2’s “reach for the stars” in teruteru mikan and chiakis executions. RFtS is a metaphor for hope while the bottom of the ocean is the despair Gonta was in. He already fell into despair BEFORE his execution.

it’s also saddening that Gonta died by the one thing he thought loved him— bugs. I’m willing to bet he felt betrayed. Or that he betrayed all his friends, bug and human. That’s the obvious despair right there. He also must’ve felt guilt at how EVERYONE was crying when monokuma was about to drag him away.

The Wild West theme is simple actually. It’s common knowledge Gonta REALLY wanted to be a gentleman, so making him die in a place stereotyped by wild unlawfulness. Keep in mind that Gonta was HEAVILY influenced by fictions that shaped his view of “gentleman” so that’s why Monokuma chose that theme to tease Gonta’s dying thoughts of failing everyone and not being a true gentleman.

Last I want to bring up his hauntingly straight face. He doesn’t make ANY move to escape despite being very much strong enough to, he just sits there and lets everything happen. It’s spooky..

He doesn’t change his face until he’s forced to from the pain

It’s a very haunting cutscene in general. Gonta was disfigured and then burned alive. I am NOT recovering soon chat.

Overall, imagine not remembering you killed someone and then trust in your friends that YOU did it, they’re right and suddenly you’re going through absolute hell. Gonta just wanted to help everyone, y’all. -Aether

#gonta gokuhara #danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #drv3 #drv3 chapter 4 #aether answers #not a yayy yippee </3

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lizzie-may-agitate · 8 months ago

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I’ve been rewatching handmaid’s tale

When it first began airing, in 2016, it quickly became something I watched alone in off hours while my spouse was busy because they couldn’t stand it. It felt, to them, like excessive and needless pain - like political torture porn. It’s an understandable perspective, I think, and I couldn’t put into words at the time what exactly I saw in it beyond that.

But lately, I’ve had the scene from the “before times” where the main character finds out women have been stripped of their financial rights when her credit card is suddenly declined. There’s a believable mundanity to that moment, a relatability that stuck with me. The dread of realizing your bank account is empty, money gone faster than you anticipated and you’re not sure why, not knowing in that moment if you’ve overdrawn or been scammed somehow or if your paycheck didn’t go through or… or, I guess, if the government has seized your assets and reduced you to sub-citizen status without warning. It just felt like a very imaginable extension of an already familiar feeling.

I needed to watch it again, like listening to a song stuck in your head in the hopes of it unsticking. And the scene was later in the show than I remembered, and so many other little things were hitting in a way I know they didn’t back, and now I guess I’m rewatching the whole thing.

It only took me an episode or two in to realize what it was I got from this show, though. The thing that felt worthwhile, despite the brutality and the anguish that fills it. If nothing else it’s a reminder that it is possible to survive things that may be unimaginable to you now - that people have survived these things, and will again, and that survival is worth honoring. And it’s a reminder, simultaneously, of the importance of fighting back and refusing to give up or give in. That survival and staying alive are not always synonymous. It must be a reminder I need now more than I did then, because it seems so obvious to me now… which is in and of itself unnerving in a way.

The smallest, silliest thing that immediately stood out to me was the eyebrows. 2016 feels like it just happened, I don’t think of this show as “old,” I didn’t expect it to really look noticeably different than something made a year or two ago… but it does. Everyone’s eyebrows look so thin and trim and tidy, even in the “after” times. That’s how long it’s been, how long this dread has been living in the pit of my stomach, this quiet anxiety I’ve been rationalizing and coping with just fine but can never really shake.

The thing about the credit card scene, a thing I had forgotten and maybe the very thing I felt I needed to see again, is that it comes along much later than I thought. Not just in the sense that it was a later episode, but later in the process of the insurgent fascist government’s seizure of power. It happens suddenly, yes, but in the context of a drawn out unraveling that the characters have been steadily acclimating to. It’s an abrupt change, but it’s not shocking to them - at least, not quite shocking enough. The main character doesn’t immediately pack her bags and plan an escape. There’s objection and protest along the way, sure, but not they’re not flooding the streets and rioting. It’s less than I would have imagined in 2016, far less than the uprisings of 2020, but it feels proportionate now. It’s what I would expect now. And when the main character attends a protest, and senses that it’s about to turn, and begins retreating just in time as an armed force in riot gear opens fire - that feels believable now, too. Not that it didn’t before, but in a way that feels closer now. In a way that dulls the impact of the scene itself. And when the queer university instructor finds out she’s being shelved because a student glimpsed a photo of her with her wife and their child on her phone, that feels believable too. Believable like you could tell me it was already happening, and I just hadn’t heard, and I’d believe you. And all the scenes of men in positions of power discussing the birth crisis and coolly discussing enslaving women as a solution, that too feels believable. Tangible.

I kind of rolled my eyes when I first heard there was another season coming, had no real interest in sitting through another season of agony. It already felt kind of drawn out to me, I was already kind of over it by the end of season four (if not sooner). Rewatching it hasn’t changed my feelings on virtually any of the criticism I had or heard of the show while it was previously airing, but… I’m glad I decided to revisit it. I’m not sure how enthusiastic I’ll be for another season by the time I finish this rewatch, but it makes more sense to me now.

“Women are so adaptable, my mother would say. It’s truly amazing what we can get used to. I’ve been here for two months. What have I gotten used to?”

#the handmaid's tale #acclimation

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alloveydovey · 5 months ago

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Dramas! I feel like I'm back in the game (having no life and watching dramas lol)

The Trunk, 2024 (kdrama) 9

A remarried woman sets her ex-husband up with a new wife. Hoping to win her back, he reluctantly agrees. However, unlike his insane ex, his contract wife turns out to be a decent person, helping him escape his misery.

I’m not sure if this deserves a 9—it probably doesn’t—but it’s the first time in a long while that a drama has kept me glued to the TV like this one. The plot has its weak points, and for me, one of them is how the story begins: an ex-wife arranging a contract marriage for her ex-husband. Why? To punish him? Because she’s unhinged? A plot driven by a character simply being “crazy” feels like a stretch to me. Maybe that wasn’t the intent, but it’s how I initially interpreted it. That said, I understand that “crazy” characters can be compelling, and despite this and other flaws, the story completely drew me in. Gong Yoo and Seo Hyun Jin were absolutely mesmerizing. I really liked the idea of an adult romance, where the characters find comfort in each other despite their tough lives. (And it was so nice to see Gong Yoo back in a drama. Might become insane and rewatch all the dramas I've seen of him, who knows.)

Go Go Squid, 2019 (cdrama) 8

A girl falls in love at first sight with a customer at her cousin's internet cafe. Life keeps giving her opportunities to follow him around, causing confusion. For some reason, the ML doesn’t clear up these misunderstandings, leaving everyone—including her and himself—confused. Eventually, he truly starts falling for her.

In true cdrama fashion, the plot is full of "huh?" moments. I’m still a bit unsure about the age difference, but I have to say, Li Xian never disappoints. Every drama I’ve seen him in has been a hit. While this one isn’t as good as Meet Yourself or Will Love in Spring, it’s still really entertaining. Honestly, though, I didn’t care at all for the cybersecurity team plot... am I extremely shallow if I say I thought everyone was being dramatic af? Specially ML?

Will it Snow in Christmas? 2009 (kdrama) 5

Hmm, how to explain? A girl and boy meet when they’re young. After a few incidents, she starts liking him, and after even more, he starts liking her too. But when her brother loses his life in something connected to the boy, she pushes him away and runs off. Years later, they meet again because she’s now engaged to the ML’s coworker. And then the plot goes completely off the rails.

Viki, why? 😭 I only started this because it was on the main page and Go Soo was in it. Then I kept watching because I was surprised to see Nam Ji Hyun and Kim Soo Hyun as well. Up until episode 7, it was in the 7.5 range—not great, but not terrible either. And then... it just fell apart. Time jumps, separations, parents cheating, a fire, a brother-and-sister subplot, more time jumps—it was a complete mess.

Oh My Venus, 2015 (kdrama) 8.5

The FL lets herself go a bit and gains weight. Suddenly, everyone starts treating her like she’s horrible, and her boyfriend cheats on her and breaks up with her. By chance, she meets a famous trainer who agrees to help her get back in shape—and they fall in love along the way.

I remember trying to watch this when I first got into kdramas and turning it off because I just couldn’t stand how they handled the topic of gaining weight. I get it—I’m not expecting a drama, especially one from before 2020, to avoid fat-shaming—but it made me uncomfortable. A little while ago, my grandma got into it, and I ended up watching bits with her. And… damn it, it seemed cute. And it is! Watching it now, I think I’ve made peace with both realities lol. Shin Min Ah is as charming as ever, and So Ji Sub has excellent chemistry with her, very electric. I get why it’s so popular, it’s one of those epic love stories that keeps you hooked. I really miss dramas like this. The whole losing-weight thing did piss me off a bit. One thing is wanting to be healthy; another thing is policing people about what they eat. This, along with a bunch of comments and moments that made me roll my eyes, aside, it was quite enjoyable.

My Princess, 2011 (kdrama) 8.5

SK wants to bring back the monarchy and they find FL who is the last princess of the royal bloodline. If she becomes a royal, ML will lose all his inheritance… despite this, he can’t help but fall in love.

This drama was truly a surprise. Based on the reviews on MDL, I expected it to be typical early 2010s chaos, but it was actually quite good! Yes, it’s still a 2011 drama, so it has its wtf dramatic moments, but the plot where the ML acts as an antagonist to the FL, trying to keep her from becoming a princess because it would mean he loses everything, and despite this, he ends up falling for her was truly chef’s kiss. The chemistry between the leads was fantastic, leaving me wanting more of them. Overall, it was a great watch. All of this, obviously putting aside the fact that if I lived in a country that once had a monarchy and they tried to bring it back, I’d probably riot.

Make a Wish, 2021 (cdrama) 7.5

A cat from... well, a cat planet, ends up on Earth in human form and under the care of a lonely writer. She can only return home once she grants him a wish. However, he has no wishes.

The things one ends up watching when nothing feels entertaining anymore… However, this little cdrama about a girl who is actually a cat from Meow Planet was surprisingly sentimental and cute. The leads had great chemistry and felt really natural and good at the comedy part of the drama. At first, I didn’t really care for the secondary characters, but they kind of grew on me.

#the trunk #go go squid #will it snow for christmas #oh my venus #kdrama #kdramadaily #dovey watches #make a wish #cdrama

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imzadi-caskett-huddy · 1 year ago

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Hell Hath No Fury Chapter 3

Once again, I really cannot express how overwhelming the response to this very unplanned story has been. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed. I really try to thank each person who reviews personally, but those of you who review as a guest or without an email account attached, I can’t thank…but I appreciate all of your reviews and the fact you took the time to read this story!

I know you all have been waiting for this chapter, but I needed to rewatch “Knockout” and “Rise” again before I felt I could do this chapter justice, because I didn’t want to mess something up. And I was close enough in my season 3 rewatch that I was almost there, so I didn’t want to skip ahead (also, sorry…I did watch the LA episode a couple of times…it’s one of my favorites, so it delayed me a little).

More than one person has expressed interest in seeing Castle’s dad help Beckett find the shooter…and I’m going to sit the record straight here. He will not be a part of this story. I’m sorry to those of you who really wanted to see that interaction, but I’m not doing it here. His father was not a part of the show this early on, and I’d like to keep it that way here. Plus the shooting took place because of Beckett’s mother’s case; she was the target. There wouldn’t have been a shooting if not for that, so I don’t see a reason to bring him into the story.

Now that I’ve had my morning therapeutic cry…thank you Stana for that…I know you guys are all waiting for Castle and Beckett to see each other. I really hope it lives up to your expectations. So here we go…and I still don’t own Castle…or the characters…unfortunately.

xxxxx

Beckett had been in a hurry to get to the hospital to see him, but now that she was there, walking through the doors that led to the ICU, her pace had slowed; she suddenly realized she didn’t know what she was even going to say. She knew she would have to say something…staring was creepy. But what was she supposed to say to the man who saved her life, who had taken the bullet meant for her? She paused outside his door for one more moment before putting her hands in the pockets of her black leather jacket, effectively tugging it tighter around her.

Stepping inside the room silently, she offered him a smile. “Hey,” was the only word that she was able to get out right then. Seeing him alive, awake sent a small wave of relief through her. For the first time since the shooting she began to believe that maybe he really would be okay.

“Hey,” he replied, still offering her a small smile despite his discomfort.

Martha looked between the two and noticed the tension. She stood then, nudging Alexis gently. “Come on, Alexis. Why don’t we go home and get some real dinner and a hot shower?” she suggested to the girl.

“But I want to stay!” Alexis tried to protest.

“Nonsense. Your father is awake and doing well now. We both need to clean up, and I am not ashamed to say that my days of being able to sleep in contorted positions in chairs are far behind me,” Martha replied.

“Grams is right, Alexis. Go home and rest up. I’ll be fine, and you can come back tomorrow after school,” Castle told his daughter, his voice sounding tired, weak, more hollow than his normal excited exuberance.

“Fine. But you better do what the doctors tell you,” Alexis warned her father.

“Scout’s honor,” he offered his daughter the best smile he could muster.

Alexis simply rolled her eyes. “You were never a scout.”

Beckett couldn’t help but crack a smile at that, looking down at her feet as she remembered their first case together when he’d tried the same line on her, and she’d bought it. “Don’t worry, Alexis. I’ll make sure your dad follows doctor’s orders,” she offered the girl a smile.

Alexis seemed to accept that. She did know the detective cared about her father very much and was more than capable of keeping him in line.

“There, now you see? It’s settled. Richard, I expect you to be a good patient. We’ll come back and see you tomorrow,” she told her son, giving his cheek a soft kiss. “Katherine, he’s all yours. Good luck,” she said simply, knowing her son was not the best patient.

“Night Dad,” Alexis kissed her father’s cheek as well. She started to go out of the room, but turned back to Beckett. “Call if he’s not listening.”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure I won’t have a problem,” Beckett replied to the girl. Once the door had closed behind both redheads, she turned back to Castle and really studied him. He was pale, obviously in discomfort; the way his voice had sounded when he spoke was not like she was used to hearing from him at all. She couldn’t help the fresh waves of guilt that washed over her. She had so many things to say to him…so many things that they needed to talk about…but she wasn’t sure what to say to him; and it seemed like for once, he wasn’t sure what to say to her either.

“How are you doing?” Beckett finally asked him softly. She figured that was a relatively safe topic.

Castle shrugged slightly, wincing at the motion. “The doctor said he still wants to monitor me for some things in the next 24 hours. But as long as I don’t set off any alarms, they should move

me down to a regular room tomorrow afternoon,” he answered, studying her every bit as much as she’d been studying him, trying to gauge what she was feeling, what she was thinking. They’d had the huge fight where she’d said they were over, but then Montgomery had sacrificed himself for her, then with the funeral and the shooting, they hadn’t had a chance to talk at all.

Nodding, she was silent again for a moment before taking a step closer to his beside. Her fingers wanted to take his hand, but her brain stopped them. “Thank you…for saving my life,” she murmured softly, meeting his eyes for the first time since she’d entered the room and doing her best to mask her emotions from showing in her own.

“That’s what partners do, right?” he replied. He did shift his hand to take hers then, the pain medicine he was on making him a little braver than normal. He figured she wouldn’t pull away from the touch anyway; she had taken his hand before in moments of comfort.

“Is that what we are? Partners?” she softly repeated the words from their earlier argument. “Just try not to make a habit out of getting shot, ok?” she tried to joke…deflect and lighten the mood the way he effortlessly did so often, but it fell flat on her lips. Why was she so bad at this; why was this so hard? She was a very articulate woman, so why couldn’t she just communicate how she was feeling?

He gently squeezed her hand, sensing she had more to say and hoping that if he waited her out a little, she might continue. He was slightly rewarded for his patience when she stuck out her foot and hooked it around the chair leg to scoot it closer to the bed so that she could sit next to him without having to release his hand. That was positive at least.

She looked at their joined hands for a moment, trying to find the words to say. “I’m really glad you’re okay, Castle…” she started, pausing then and swallowing hard. She needed to get through this; she felt like after everything that had happened between them, everything that had been spoken…and unspoken… between them, she owed him at least this much. “I was so worried…if you hadn’t made it…” she tried again, feeling a few tears stinging her eyes and she did her best to blink them away.

“Kate…” he interrupted her softly. “I’m okay. I’m right here.”

She looked at him then, no longer able to hide the emotions in her eyes. “I watched you die in that ambulance, Rick. And for a minute, my heart stopped too,” she admitted, her voice laced with emotion that she usually held back.

He wasn’t sure what to make of her confession, and wondered for a moment if the medication floating through his system was making him read more into it than what she might really be trying to tell him.

“It was like that night my mother was murdered all over again, only worse…because that bullet was meant for me.”

He realized then maybe it really was the medication after all, because what she was saying right now seemed to be coming more from a place of guilt than what he had hoped had been her feelings for him.

She got quiet then, bringing her free hand up to wipe a stray tear from her cheek. “Why the hell would you think you should take a bullet for me?”

He wasn’t sure how to answer that question; well, he knew the answer, but he wasn’t sure how receptive she’d be to it. “To be fair, I was only trying to save you, not actually take the bullet for you…” he tried to lighten the mood a little.

“I’m serious, Rick.”

There she was using his first name again. “Because…” he started, swallowing hard then. “Because you’re my partner. I’m supposed to have your back,” he chickened out of telling her the real reason. This wasn’t the place for that conversation. Besides, she had a boyfriend, he reminded himself. Not that he particularly cared about Josh or his feelings, but he knew she wasn’t a cheater, and he wouldn’t intentionally put her in that position.

She remained silent for a moment then, looking back to their hands. Apparently he was no more ready to jump than she was. Maybe that was a good thing; maybe they both needed to get through this whole situation before they could jump. She knew, though…both of them knew, really…that the feelings for each other were deeper than friendship at this point, or even partnership. But they weren’t ready…certainly the hospital was not the place for the conversation. For now…for now, this would have to be enough.

“I hear I have Motorcycle Boy to thank for saving my life,” he commented then, changing the subject. “Tell him thanks.”

She stiffened slightly at the mention of Josh. “I did,” she answered, unable to look at him for a moment. She really should tell him. “But Josh and I…we aren’t…we broke up...” she trailed off. Why couldn’t she just find the right words to say? Why was talking to him like this so hard?

“Oh.” He didn’t know what else to say; the fact that she was no longer with the doctor was surprising. She’d seemed to like him enough; the last time they’d really brought him up, she was ready to try to make their relationship work. And he was certainly around enough now…he saw the two together all the time, and it had hurt thinking they might be becoming more serious. “I’m sorry,” he felt the need to say. He wasn’t sorry that Josh was gone…but he was sorry if she was hurt by it.

She finally looked at him again. “Don’t be,” she said softly. “I wasn’t being fair to him," she started. "I really, really liked him…but that wasn’t enough anymore. Our relationship just wasn’t what either of us wanted it to be…and someone told me I have a habit of staying in relationships with men I don’t love,” she added quietly, her words leaving a lot unspoken.

Her words surprised him; she’d actually listened, and acted based on what he’d said. Though part of him did wonder if they would be having this conversation had he not been shot. “Really? Sounds like a smart person…a genius, really,” he smirked slightly, trying to lighten the mood.

His attempt to get her to smile succeeded; she couldn’t hide the slight grin as she rolled her eyes. “A genius, huh?”

He nodded. “It’s true.”

Shaking her head, she let her fingers gently play with his. “Not a genius…just someone who really knows me,” she gave him an almost shy smile then, letting her words hopefully heal some of what had been said in anger during their fight when she’d told him that he didn’t know her. He did know her…better than anyone, she’d realized. She was just used to keeping everyone at arms length; the fact that someone got that close to her had made her panic.

He returned her smile. “Still…he sounds like a smart man. And brave…you’re scary when you’re angry,” he joked.

She gave a soft laugh at that. “He is,” she met his eyes. After a few moments of silently gazing in his eyes, she took a deep breath and released it slowly, finally looking away from him. “You should rest. I’m sure you’re tired,” she realized then.

“Yeah,” he admitted, shifting slightly in his bed. “You should go home,” he added. When she stood, he squeezed her hand. “I mean home as in your apartment. Not the precinct.”

She stood still for a moment, no longer surprised that he knew exactly what she was most likely planning to do. “Castle, I need to see if the boys found anything.”

“You can check that tomorrow.” He knew she’d be working the case; it was connected to her mother. The shooter had been after her. He knew there was no way of getting her to back down now.

“Castle, I’m fine,” she insisted, trying to reassure him.

“Kate…” he started, but stopped when she pulled her hand away from his.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Castle,” she stated, and with one last smile in his direction, she left.

He sighed in frustration. She was the most maddening, infuriating, stubborn woman he had ever met.

xxxxx

“Tell me you found something,” Beckett stated as she passed Esposito’s desk on the way to hers. Tossing her jacket on the back of the chair, she perched on the edge of her desk, giving the murder board her full attention.

“How’s Castle?” Ryan asked.

“Awake,” she answered simply.

“Did you ask him if he remembers anything?” Esposito came to perch on the edge of Beckett’s desk next to her in a stance usually adopted by Castle.

She shook her head. “No. He just woke up; I didn’t want to ask for details yet. I’ll go back tomorrow after he’s had a chance to rest and process what happened.”

“Yeah, well, something had to have tipped him off to tackle you the way he did,” Esposito pointed out.

“Hopefully he saw something, but the way the shooter has been able to cover his tracks and just disappear, I’m not going to hold my breath,” she leaned back slightly on her hands as she worked her way through the evidence once more. “There has to be something we’re missing; someone had to have seen something. The shooter had to have left some kind of DNA behind…some lead for me to follow.”

Esposito shook his head. “Not necessarily. If the guy is former special forces, he’s going to know how to become a ghost. It’s part of the training.”

She knew he was right. She’d been a cop long enough to know that professional hits were the hardest to track down; as good as she was, even she couldn’t run down a lead if there was nothing for her to run with. “Then we have to draw the ghost out of the shadows.”

Ryan approached the two then. “How do you draw out someone who doesn’t want to be found?”

“By giving him what he wants,” she stated simply. When the two men exchanged questioning glances and looked back at her, she continued. “Me.”

xxxxx

Thanks again to everyone who reads and reviews. I love hearing all your feedback and comments. I hope you all continue to enjoy the story!

#castle #caskett #kate beckett #richard castle #castle fanfiction

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coredrill · 1 year ago

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okaaaaaaaaay bravernine thoughts. lol (lots of lulu)

i have never been more intrigued and confused and clueless abt where this show is going to go and i am HOOKED. i called my one (1) shot in abt smith dying in ep8 and so now i am just along for the wacky ride until the end!!!!!!!!!! also my understanding of time travel stories is very poor compared to my understanding of wow cool robot stories so that is undoubtedly a part of it FNDNFBJD

i’ll probs catch more on a rewatch and others have pointed this out but. it seemed like the “timeline” changed right when we got the ep1 flashback/eyecatch? like that’s when hibiki’s arm wound vanished and switched to her head, and wehn we saw hiro again, and also lulu’s demeanor switched from being sad to more determined? so like. i wouldn’t be surprised if lulu shenanigans happened as well in that time…………

also lulu. obviously bravern is smith + knuth + brainwave bot but i would NOT be surprised if there was some of lulu in there too. since her brainwaves were in there too? which would make sense as another ingredient in the bravern soup, if he gets his clinginess and more childish demeanor from her in addition to his horniness from knuth and his heroic attitude and love for isami from smith. which is maybe why, after the “timeline switch” i just mentioned (idk what else to call it) lulu suddenly Knows Smith’s In There in a way she didn’t SEEM to before? like she called bravern “smith” ofc but this was like. deliberate in a different manner imo. idk. lulu is up to Some Shit tho and like everthing else i am SOOOOOOOOOO excited to see it !!!!!!!!!!!!

i know i keep making haha funnies abt smith trying to outgay kaworu and like. when it comes to queers in mecha anime i rly don’t think anything can reasonably “outdo” eva due to its impact (heh) and the fact kaworu and shinji did all that in 1996 but like. lewis smith is putting in the bravest effort i’ve seen by a LONG shot……………….what if that tokubro u met in hawaii loved you so much he became your undead horny super robot soulmate (“hey tumblr user coredrill what if you stopped beating this joke format to death” LISTEN i think its funny still. lmao)

hmmmmm i feel like i had more to say but. i forgor lmao. surely this won’t be like every other week where i am like “these are all of my thoughts 😇” and then i continue to make AND ANOTHER THING posts every 3 hours like clockwork. surely things will be different this time. surely i am not also stuck in a timelo

OH WAIT I REMEMBERED. but yeah i was just thinking abt how like. smith gets so fucking angry abt how the lulu are used and so when he contributes to bravern he makes it so that isami can pilot him safely. and not a lulu-pod-scenario. because he loves lulu and he loves isami. i am going to tear my skin off of my own body

#a: bravern #bravern spoilers #t.bbbb #me every week ‘i don’t have that many thoufhts *mini novel*’

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41319kbex · 1 year ago

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Hell Hath No Fury (3/?)

xxxxx

“Hey,” he replied, still offering her a small smile despite his discomfort.

“But I want to stay!” Alexis tried to protest.

“Fine. But you better do what the doctors tell you,” Alexis warned her father.

“Scout’s honor,” he offered his daughter the best smile he could muster.

Alexis simply rolled her eyes. “You were never a scout.”

Alexis seemed to accept that. She did know the detective cared about her father very much and was more than capable of keeping him in line.

“Night Dad,” Alexis kissed her father’s cheek as well. She started to go out of the room, but turned back to Beckett. “Call if he’s not listening.”

“How are you doing?” Beckett finally asked him softly. She figured that was a relatively safe topic.

Castle shrugged slightly, wincing at the motion. “The doctor said he still wants to monitor me for some things in the next 24 hours. But as long as I don’t set off any alarms, they should move

“Kate…” he interrupted her softly. “I’m okay. I’m right here.”

“It was like that night my mother was murdered all over again, only worse…because that bullet was meant for me.”

She got quiet then, bringing her free hand up to wipe a stray tear from her cheek. “Why the hell would you think you should take a bullet for me?”

“I’m serious, Rick.”

“I hear I have Motorcycle Boy to thank for saving my life,” he commented then, changing the subject. “Tell him thanks.”

His attempt to get her to smile succeeded; she couldn’t hide the slight grin as she rolled her eyes. “A genius, huh?”

He nodded. “It’s true.”

He returned her smile. “Still…he sounds like a smart man. And brave…you’re scary when you’re angry,” he joked.

“Yeah,” he admitted, shifting slightly in his bed. “You should go home,” he added. When she stood, he squeezed her hand. “I mean home as in your apartment. Not the precinct.”

She stood still for a moment, no longer surprised that he knew exactly what she was most likely planning to do. “Castle, I need to see if the boys found anything.”

“You can check that tomorrow.” He knew she’d be working the case; it was connected to her mother. The shooter had been after her. He knew there was no way of getting her to back down now.

“Castle, I’m fine,” she insisted, trying to reassure him.

“Kate…” he started, but stopped when she pulled her hand away from his.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Castle,” she stated, and with one last smile in his direction, she left.

He sighed in frustration. She was the most maddening, infuriating, stubborn woman he had ever met.

xxxxx

“How’s Castle?” Ryan asked.

“Awake,” she answered simply.

“Did you ask him if he remembers anything?” Esposito came to perch on the edge of Beckett’s desk next to her in a stance usually adopted by Castle.

She shook her head. “No. He just woke up; I didn’t want to ask for details yet. I’ll go back tomorrow after he’s had a chance to rest and process what happened.”

“Yeah, well, something had to have tipped him off to tackle you the way he did,” Esposito pointed out.

Esposito shook his head. “Not necessarily. If the guy is former special forces, he’s going to know how to become a ghost. It’s part of the training.”

Ryan approached the two then. “How do you draw out someone who doesn’t want to be found?”

“By giving him what he wants,” she stated simply. When the two men exchanged questioning glances and looked back at her, she continued. “Me.”

xxxxx

Thanks again to everyone who reads and reviews. I love hearing all your feedback and comments. I hope you all continue to enjoy the story!

#caskett #castle #kate beckett #beckett #caskett fanfiction #castle fanfiction #richard castle

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the-rewatch-rewind · 2 years ago

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An old movie with a very relevant name.

Script below the break.

Hello and welcome back to The Rewatch Rewind! My name is Jane, and this is the podcast where I count down my top 40 most frequently rewatched movies over the last 20 years. Today I will be discussing number 14 on my list: MGM’s 1944 psychological thriller Gaslight, directed by George Cukor, written by John Van Druten, Walter Reisch, and John L Balderston, based on the play by Patrick Hamilton, and starring Ingrid Bergman, Charles Boyer, and Joseph Cotten.

So first of all, if you’re thinking, “Gaslight? As in, to deny someone’s reality to the point that they can no longer trust their own perceptions?” then, yes, you’re absolutely correct: this movie (and the play it’s based on and the 1940 British film it’s a remake of) is where that term comes from. So I’m just going to give a blanket content warning for this whole episode: I will be talking a lot about psychological and emotional abuse. This is an incredibly well-made movie, which is why I keep revisiting it, but I recognize that not everybody is in the right place to hear stories about gaslighting, so please, take care of yourself, and skip this episode if you think it’s going to cause you distress.

That being said, I truly have no idea why “gaslighting” suddenly became a popular buzzword in the last 10 years or so, or how it has evolved to be misapplied to any form of lying. I’ve even heard people talk about how someone is “gaslighting” them when they merely disagree about something. So despite how incredibly dark and disturbing this movie is, I really think everyone should watch it, if for no other reason than to learn how to use the term correctly. But there’s obviously a lot more to it than that, which I will get into. But first, my traditional plot summary:

When her aunt and guardian, a famous opera star, is murdered in their London home, young Paula Alquist (Ingrid Bergman) is sent to Italy to train as a singer. Ten years later, she is swept off her feet by her new accompanist, Gregory Anton (Charles Boyer), and after knowing each other only two weeks, they get married. Though she is still haunted by her aunt’s unsolved murder, upon hearing that Gregory has always wanted to live in London, Paula suggests that they move into her old house. As they settle in, Gregory’s behavior gradually changes, and Paula begins to feel like she is losing her mind.

The main thing I remember about the first time I watched this movie was thinking it wasn’t a very good mystery, since it’s pretty obvious fairly early on who the bad guy is. But by the end it became clear that it was never meant to be a mystery, but rather a map of red flags to watch out for, as well as a surprisingly sympathetic portrayal of how easy it can be to ignore them until it’s too late. Or, I guess I should say, almost too late, since, spoiler alert: the movie does have a mostly happy ending. Anyway, I had never seen a movie like this before and it fascinated me. I watched it twice in 2003, once in 2004, once in 2006, once in 2007, twice in 2008, three times in 2012, once in 2013, once in 2014, twice in 2015, twice in 2016, once in 2017, once in 2018, once in 2020, twice in 2021, and once in 2022. I also saw the 1940 version once in 2006. I don’t remember much about it other than I thought it was pretty good, but the remake was better. And a big part of that is because of the cast of the remake. One of my 2015 views of the remake was part of my watching through Best Actress winners project because Ingrid Bergman won the first of her three Oscars for this film. Apparently at the time I ranked this performance as the 7th best to win that award, and now if anything I feel like that was too low. The more I rewatch this movie, the more impressed I am by what a difficult job she had and how thoroughly she crushed it.

Paula is an incredibly complex character who undergoes a significant emotional journey. At the beginning, though she’s definitely still haunted by the trauma of her youth, she’s mostly happy and hopeful and vivacious. And then all of that slowly dims as Gregory’s manipulations escalate, almost as if she is a gas light that he’s turning down. That’s not why the movie is called Gaslight, though; it’s called that because one of the early signs that something sketchy is going on is when Paula starts to notice lights dimming as if someone turned a new light on somewhere else in the house, but nobody else seems to notice this and she can’t find a good explanation for it. But watching Paula go from a lively, lovestruck newlywed to basically a zombie struggling to find a shred of reality she can trust also feels like watching a gas light flame go down. And it would have been so easy to either overdo or undersell this descent into confusion, but Ingrid Bergman perfectly balances every moment. You can see Paula starting to doubt herself more and more as her actions and words become more hesitant and her looks become more vague, until she begins to resign herself to the fact that Gregory must be right, she must be insane, there’s nothing more she can do. It’s so painful and heartbreaking that I desperately want to reach through the screen and comfort her and tell her what’s really going on. And then, just when I almost can’t stand it anymore, Joseph Cotten shows up to do that for me. He plays Inspector Brian Cameron of Scotland Yard, a childhood fan of Paula’s aunt who happens to see Paula one of the few times she’s out with Gregory in London, which leads him to reopen the cold case of her aunt’s murder and figure out what’s going on just in time to help Paula. The implication that Paula needs a man to rescue her is one thing I don’t love about this movie, but at the same time I think it’s important to acknowledge that Gregory was so effective at – for lack of a better term – gaslighting her that she could not have escaped that situation without help.

Not to take any of the credit away from Bergman for her stellar performance, but I do think it helped that George Cukor was the director. Longtime listeners may recognize his name from Holiday, which was number 33 on this list, and Adam’s Rib, which was number 27, both of which have significantly lighter tones. Gaslight feels much more like an Alfred Hitchcock picture than a George Cukor one. Cukor apparently didn’t like being referred to as a “woman’s director,” but he had a reputation for his ability to coax great performances out of actresses, and this is certainly no exception. In order to help Bergman keep track of Paula’s gradual descent toward madness while shooting out of order, Cukor would tell her the whole plot up to the scenes they were filming each day, which Bergman initially resented, but then he stopped doing it for a few days and she realized how helpful it had been, and they went back to doing it that way. I do think Ingrid Bergman would have been great in this role regardless of who the director was, but George Cukor helped elevate her to the best she could possibly be.

While Bergman’s performance is far and away my favorite aspect of this movie, the rest of the cast is also phenomenal, albeit rather small. It definitely has that based-on-a-play feel of limited locations and few characters, although that also works very well with the story. Part of Gregory’s strategy is to cut Paula off from the rest of the world so she won’t have a safety net. Consequently, for most of the film she only interacts with him and their two servants: the kind but mostly-deaf cook, Elizabeth, played by Barbara Everest, and the saucy, flirtatious maid, Nancy, played by none other than 18-year-old Angela Lansbury in her film debut, both of whom are absolutely perfect in their roles. I love Everest’s delivery of “I see just how it is” when Gregory is trying to keep Elizabeth on his side without realizing that she’s always been firmly on Paula’s. And Lansbury embodies the exact attitude required for Nancy: flirtatious toward Gregory, disdainful toward Paula, totally oblivious to how she’s being manipulated until the end – all conveyed with every look she gives and line she speaks as if she’s a veteran actor. It comes as absolutely no surprise that she went on to have such a long and successful career, with this as her first screen performance. She was even nominated for an Oscar! And then there’s the neighbor Miss Thwaites, played by Dame May Whitty, who adds some much-needed levity with her “diggy biscuits” and morbid curiosity about the house in her square where there was a “real murder!” Joseph Cotten’s role is honestly pretty bland – kind of the film noir version of a classic Disney prince, in a way – but he makes the most of it. And then there’s Charles Boyer, giving one of the best creepy villain performances I’ve ever seen, which was also Oscar-nominated. He starts out just sort of vaguely unsettling, raising one or two red flags right off the bat, but like, he could still be okay, and then by the end he is full-on terrifying. He has this amazing stone-faced look that makes your blood run cold. There’s this one moment in particular, kind of toward the middle, when Miss Thwaites and Inspector Cameron (posing as her nephew) have tried to visit them, and Gregory tells Nancy to send them away. Paula wanted to let them in but he freaked out so she backed down, and then after Nancy leaves she again says she wanted to see them, and he’s like, “Oh, why didn’t you say so?” and it makes me want to scream. Then he tells her she didn’t have time to see them because they’re going out to the theater, and Paula’s like, “I didn’t know that…or did I forget?” and Gregory, facing the camera with his back to her, opens his mouth to respond, and then stops and waits for her to dwell on that for a few more seconds before he tells her that no, this is a surprise, and both his face and her face are so perfect there, I love it and hate it so much. Like, I love it from a “this movie is so well acted” perspective, and I hate it from a “this character is a horrible human being” perspective. And then Paula gets overly happy, since she’s been trapped in the house for so long that him letting her go out seems like a wonderful gift. But then he “notices” that a picture is missing from the wall, and makes her think she hid it, and they end up not going out because she’s “too unwell.”

That’s the main way he manipulates her: by moving things and making it look like she took them. What’s particularly interesting about the way the movie shows this is we never actually see Gregory taking any of the things, but it is nevertheless clear that he has been. But he is so insistent that she’s doing it that we can easily believe that Paula wouldn’t suspect him, or that if she did, she would have significant doubts. And even if she did figure it out, it’s not like there’s anything she can do about it. She’s in London for the first time in a decade, she doesn’t know anyone, she doesn’t have anywhere to go, and she’s not sure she can trust her own mind. And I think it’s so important that the movie at no point faults her for ending up in that situation or for not being able to leave. The movie also gives no indication that Gregory is physically harming Paula, but leaves the audience in no doubt that he is an abusive husband. And I feel like the messages that abuse doesn’t have to be physical and that it’s never the victim’s fault are still too rare in media today, let alone nearly 80 years ago. I feel like back then most unhealthy relationships in movies were in the His Girl Friday vein of “they’re kind of both abusing each other so it’s fine” or would find other ways for excusing or explaining the abusive behavior, like “the abuser was drunk” or “the victim was asking for it” or what have you. And if they weren’t like that, the victim usually ended up dead. In Gaslight, Gregory has no excuse. I mean, he does have a reason, but it’s a terrible reason that in no way justifies his actions. And Paula not only survives, but also gets an incredibly satisfying confrontation with Gregory after Brian and another policeman have tied him up. When the police leave them alone together, Gregory pleads with her to get a knife and cut him free, and for a moment you think she’s actually going to help him, but she gets her revenge by pretending she can’t find the knife and saying she’s too insane to help him, forcing him to admit that he has lied to her and she isn’t actually mad. And she wraps up her great payback with: “If I were not mad, I could have helped you. Whatever you had done, I could have pitied and protected you. But because I am mad, I hate you. Because I am mad, I have betrayed you. And because I'm mad, I'm rejoicing in my heart, without a shred of pity, without a shred of regret, watching you go with glory in my heart!” So she turns his gaslighting around on him, and it’s amazing. Although I must admit that right after that when she cries, “Mr. Cameron! Take this man away!” is the one part when I feel like Ingrid Bergman overdoes it just a little bit and gets too melodramatic, but after everything Paula has been through, she deserves as many melodramatic moments as she wants.

I would prefer it if the movie didn’t conclude with the implication that Paula is going to end up romantically involved with Brian, but again, she deserves all the happiness she can get, and if that’s what’s going to make her happy, I’m all for it. And I guess we can claim Miss Thwaites as aroace representation, since she seems to be an old maid with no interest in romance. This movie also speaks to my aromanticism and asexuality in a different, unique way. Because to a certain extent, being aroace in an allonormative, amatonormative society kind of feels like the entire world is gaslighting you. Of course, I don’t mean to imply that my experiences have been anywhere near as horrendous as someone like Paula’s – having your reality cruelly and intentionally twisted by a partner is on an entirely different level from not quite fitting in with the dominant culture’s concept of reality. Still, being constantly bombarded with the message that all mature humans frequently experience sexual and romantic attraction, and that a universal top life goal is to find a partner you’re attracted to that way, when you don’t feel those attractions and don’t desire that kind of partner, is incredibly confusing and disorienting. Once you become an adult, or even a teenager, people start giving you knowing looks when they hear you’ve been hanging out with a friend one-on-one, especially if that friend happens to be of the opposite sex. And you don’t think you like any of your friends “that way” but you also don’t really know what liking someone “that way” feels like so you start to think maybe you don’t know your own feelings. And if you’re lucky, your brain subconsciously decides that you do have crushes like a normal person, they’re just always on movie stars, most of whom are dead, which you realize is weird, but it’s an understandable kind of weird. Nobody believes you when you say you don’t have a crush on anybody, but if you show them a picture of Cary Grant and say, “I have a crush on him,” that makes sense to them. And so you end up becoming convinced that you’re experiencing types of attraction that you’re not, to the point that when you first hear about asexuality you don’t even consider the possibility that it could describe you. And of course, when I say “you” I mean “me”; I can’t speak for all aroaces, although I do think most of us experience some form of that confusion before we figure out that our identity exists. I feel like there’s a relatively widespread perception that aromantic and/or asexual people are just single allos who want to feel special by giving themselves a label, but for me, the opposite is true. Using the aroace label makes me feel less special, because now I know there are other people out there like me, after spending so much time trying to play along with the attraction I thought I was supposed to be feeling. It’s honestly been kind of difficult to unlearn this, to teach myself how to even recognize, let alone trust, what I’m actually feeling versus the socially acceptable way to be feeling about other people.

It’s weird because, looking back, it’s so obvious to me that I was faking crushes, that I was just parroting things I’d heard when I talked about them, that I was just smiling and nodding when people would say things like, “Isn’t that person hot?” But at the time, I absolutely could not admit that, even to myself, because I felt like, in order to be human, I must be experiencing what I’d been led to believe were universal human emotions that went along with sexual and romantic attraction. Back in 2013 I blogged about all the movies I’d seen at least 10 times in 10 years, and I just re-read my post about Gaslight, in which I apparently wrote that I found Joseph Cotten attractive in this movie. I don’t remember thinking or writing that, but I’m sure if I’d been asked to elaborate, I would have said I thought he was hot or whatever, even though I absolutely did not, I just thought I was supposed to. I wasn’t consciously lying; I had become convinced that I felt things I didn’t. Although, now that I think about it, maybe I really was attracted to him, not sexually or romantically, but in terms of the way his character functions in the story. I desperately needed someone to show up and tell me that the problem wasn’t with my mind and provide me with some key information I was missing that would explain what was going on, just like Brian does for Paula. Again, her experience was much more horrifying than mine, but learning that some people are aromantic and asexual, that not feeling those kinds of attraction is perfectly normal for those people, was almost as revelatory to me as learning that her husband killed her aunt and was trying to drive her mad was to Paula. Maybe it sounds like I’m the one being melodramatic now, but I don’t know how else to explain how messed up it is to spend decades convincing yourself and everyone else that you’re feeling things you’re not, and what a relief it is to learn that you were right all along and can finally take the mask off. And that’s why I’ve been focusing so much on looking at movies from an aromantic and asexual perspective on this podcast. Because I don’t want anyone else to go through all that. I want everyone to know that amatonormativity and allonormativity are lies, both because I want people on the aromantic and/or asexual spectrums to understand themselves sooner than I understood myself, and because I want alloromantic, allosexual people to know that not everyone is like them. I don’t blame the allo people I was surrounded with for perpetuating these norms because they didn’t know better. I know they weren’t really trying to gaslight me. But I would like to live in a society where most people do know better.

Anyway, I appreciate this movie for understanding me in ways that I couldn’t articulate until recently. But that’s far from the only reason it’s this high on my list. Again, I truly cannot overemphasize how phenomenal the acting is. Ingrid Bergman was always wonderful, but she took it to a whole other level here, and the rest of the cast were similarly at the top of their game. I never get tired of watching them act together, particularly when I’m in the mood for something a little darker. Like the other Ingrid Bergman movie I talked about, Notorious, I’m not sure whether Gaslight “counts” as film noir, because it has some of the typical noir tropes but lacks other important ones. But from a lighting and cinematography perspective, it definitely feels like a noir, so if you enjoy that style, you’ll probably appreciate this movie. It was nominated for a total of seven Oscars, including Best Picture, Screenplay, and Black-and-White Cinematography, in addition to the three acting nominations I mentioned earlier for Bergman, Boyer, and Lansbury. The only Oscar it won besides Best Actress was for Art Direction, which is something I don’t generally pay a ton of attention to, but the set is particularly important in Gaslight. The house almost functions as a character: it’s Gregory’s accomplice in torturing Paula, and the increasingly cluttered look of the rooms helps emphasize the way it’s trapping her. And, of course, there are the real, vintage gasoliers that give the movie its title and add greatly to its mood. So both of this movie’s Oscars were thoroughly deserved.

Thank you for listening to me discuss another of my most frequently rewatched films. This wraps up the 4-way tie of movies I saw 22 times from 2003 through 2022. I wonder how many other people out there have watched Beauty and the Beast, A Mighty Wind, His Girl Friday, and Gaslight the same number of times in the last 20 years. Anyway, I didn’t watch any movies exactly 23 times, so next up is the only one I watched 24 times, which is also one that I have a LOT of feelings and personal stories about, so stay tuned for what I’m sure will be a particularly long and rambling episode that I hope will be fun to listen to. As always, I will leave you with a quote from that next movie: “I don’t need to act things out in order to write them. I have what we like to call an ‘imagination.’ Have you ever heard of that? Oh, no no no no no, please tell us more about the old man… and the boat.”

#gaslight #ingrid bergman #charles boyer #george cukor #angela lansbury #the rewatch rewind

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lovestuckyhatemarvel · 2 years ago

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What? Am I finally rewatching season 3 of Stranger things? And is this me watching s3e1? Yes, yes it is. Why did I take so much time between seasons 2 and 3? Broken brain, innit?

1.) I understand they must have done so much work for the opening sequence of the Russian scientists turning the keys and starting up the thing that spins and does electric shit and opens a portal but I’m mostly focused on how there’s a noticeable difference between the portals and tentacles/vines between each season. Like really obvious if you’re watching them as closely together as I have been lately.

2.) I forgot the machine fucking explodes after failing to hold a gate open and they slow mo a bunch of randos dying.

3.) I also forgot how absolutely cartoonish the Russians are in this. That soldier went full Darth Vader on a random scientist for no fucking reason. God, the Duffers are boring.

4.) Oh yeah, this is the season when Hopper becomes annoying.

5.) Steve is adorable in his cute little Scoops Ahoy outfit. His shorts are longer than the kids’ shorts are. How do people think those shorts are slutty? Literally even Mike is wearing shorter shorts than Steve.

6.) I forgot there’s a power outage to the mall in episode 1. IDK how since Steve flipping the light switch a bunch and Robin calling him dingus for the first time in the show is referenced by like so many steddie writers.

7.) I forgot that dirt moving on its own is a plot point here.

8.) ‘Let there be light’. Steve Harrington is a dweeb.

9.) Will’s spidey senses are tingling

10.) I never noticed that Mike and Will have almost the same hair this season.

11.) Oh yeah, the beginnings of the duffers not actually understanding feminism because they don’t understand the intersection of sexism and classism.

12.) I forgot Dustin gets back episode 1. Maybe it’s because steddie fics space things out differently, but I thought I remembered it being like, episode 2 or something.

13.) I forgot all of Dustin’s toys lure him out thanks to El and it causes Dustin to spray Lucas in the eyes with hairspray for like a full 15 seconds.

14.) I want to force feed Billy Hargrove his own goddamn hair. Karen Wheeler, I still think you probably have really shitty politics but you deserve better than Billy.

15.) Hopper seems to have forgotten literally all his character development from season 2 just so Duffers can do the overprotective dad bit. Like what the fuck do you mean Hopper doesn’t know what a heart to heart is? I’ve seen the flashbacks to how he interacted with Sara. I saw the goddamn time he contacted El over the radio to apologize for being a shithead at the end of season 2!!!!!!!! Please stop acting like this grown ass man doesn’t understand what an apology is at this point.

16.) I love Max with all my heart

17.) Steve really is so bad at flirting. I would die for him.

18.) I really hate that suddenly Joyce has to teach Hopper, the guy who has comforted and sweet talked his way into literal government facilities, how to fucking talk to people nicely. Like DID THEY WATCH THEIR OWN SHOW? THIS MAKES NO SENSE. This characterization only works if you literally forget seasons 1 & 2.

19.) So many rats. So many really obviously fake rats. That’s not to say I’d want the exploding rats to be real, but something about the lighting on them or something is off.

20.) Will just wanted to play D&D but this season he’s Foreshadowing instead.

21.) Joyce is so goddamn sad and I would be too. RIP Bob Newby.

22.) Hopper really is a cartoon character of himself this season. Also why is he still in his work uniform this late at home?????? WHY CAN HE NO LONGER TALK TO CHILDREN AT ALL????? Suddenly he’s lying about a child’s grandma.

23.) Okay but Max is a genius and is super pretty.

24.) I think Will constantly asking for D&D and everyone blowing him off is why they think he’s the DM even though he isn’t

25.) IDK if I noticed before that the Russian code is literally translated in the subtitles

26.) I’m still shocked the fandom loves Billy as much as they do since he’s obnoxious, racist, and definitely up for being a cheater, and usually at least one of those things is a dealbreaker for people on tumblr to think he’s fuckable. Usually the ‘fucks married women’ part.

#stranger things #stranger things rewatch #s3e1 #stranger things s3e1

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