#suddenly all the fights and speeches are hurting my heart a bit more than usual

[penofwildfire]

Y'all I headcanon Lloyd as being 14 during the Oni Trilogy...

My brother turns 14 this year 😳

[who-is-sunny-d]

This will be my last post, I think. But I just needed to talk about the thing that’s been crushing my soul as of late, because I think I owe it to myself to be perfectly honest. You’ll understand why if you read further.

The thing that’s been the necrosis of my mental health over the last… year or more has been the end of a friendship, how it ended, and why I feel like it was so unfair. Because this was the only friend I had, and I’ve been so isolated and so lonely that it is killing me.

I really ought to have seen the warning signs, but you know how those red flags just look like ordinary flags when you’ve got those rose-colored glasses on. The ghosting people for stupid reasons… the taking all my gifts without so much as a thank-you card in return… and of course her patchy presence in my life, as well as all the promises she never kept, such as drawing a picture for a SICK KID who DIED before she even remembered the promise.

Like, how frigid do you have to be to break a promise to a pediatric cancer patient? That’s fucked.

Of course, she kept promising that she’d never throw me away like LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE, thus reaffirming all those feelings of worthlessness & better-off-deadness… of not being enough, always ruining everything, and no one wants me around.

And what happened with that promise? Well, as is classic with covert narcissists, she found evidence in writing (so to speak) of how she wasn’t perfect and actually HURT someone, and she processed it as propaganda and hate-speech when all it was (just as this is) was a small vent-post about someone’s feelings.

That person was ya girl (me). There was nothing mean or malicious about what I even said, and furthermore, it wasn’t even said *to* her. It was a Tweet to the void just to clear my head on a dead (or so I thought) Twitter/X account, and it simply expressed a sadness regarding how she’d started blowing me off for some rando who bought his way into her heart. How I regretted that my dumb little care package full of handmade goodies (including a mix tape of hand-chosen songs, one of which introduced her to another band featuring one of her favorite musicians) couldn’t compete with that.

What twisted the knife was how he bought her everything she needed to become a tattoo artist, which hurt because we were learning tattooing together until she started blowing me off for him, and then she got not only a whole set-up, but an apprenticeship as well, so like… wow. Fuck me, specifically.

So I admit, I may have been a little bit salty, but Jesus, I didn’t call her any mean names or anything, and she didn’t even SEE the post until waaay after I’d gotten over it (and my feelings), and was just trying to live my life in peace.

And that’s when she decided it would be a good time to suddenly confront me about it and dredge up things I was trying to move past and forget, and then refuse to drop it even after I said I didn’t want to talk about it, that it was behind me and didn’t matter… that it was how I felt in the moment and that the moment had long passed. Etcetera.

But she just. Would. Not. Drop it.

And so I was beginning to feel cornered. My fight-or-flight switched on. It chose flight. So I said something stupid, hoping it would put a pin in things until I could process it. I told her that I felt I’d put a lot more effort into the friendship than I felt I’d gotten in return.

And it was the truth. I kept my promises, she was flakey. I was there whenever she needed me and would put everything on the back burner to do that, but she was usually busy when I needed her. I thought of her all the time and sent little pictures & things that reminded me of her. She could go months, sometimes YEARS without even speaking to me. I sent her actual, physical gifts for her birthday or when she was having a terrible time. She never sent me so much as a letter.

She just… was bad at being a friend, but… I never *really* minded. I only said that, hoping that she’d feel like she needed time to think and evaluate herself so that I could also process the fact that she felt like we needed to talk about it and figure out how, and then we’d make up and talk. After all, we’d never fought once in all of 13 years. How could I know that one super dumb fight would be worth ending the entire friendship we’d built over all those years?

It wasn’t. But being a covert narc, she didn’t see what I said as my feelings, much less actually care about them. She didn’t see the obvious opportunity for personal growth.

What she saw was libel, propaganda, hate-speech, and worst of all, someone who had revealed things about her that reflected who she really was, and for covert narcs, that is the biggest threat. They might talk. They might expose their true self to others, and then the carefully crafted persona falls apart.

So the only option they see (because they genuinely do not care about bettering themselves) is to completely cut that person off. Otherwise they remain a threat, and so to ensure that threat doesn’t infect their friend group, they tell everyone an enhanced version of *their* side of the story to turn any mutual friends against them, that way those friends will also cut off the threat, thus ensuring the protection of the CN’s persona. This has happened to me so many times.

And they don’t stop there. They lurk the threat’s social media to watch the aftermath and bask in the destruction of that person’s self-worth. To see them fall apart and then share *only* the posts that pertain to them, all the things said out of pain, SIMPLY to try to confirm to all the other friends what a “BAD person they are.”

Because god forbid anyone *else* have emotions.

But you know what? I am honest. I NEVER lied about myself or invented a fake version of myself. I only speak the truth, even if that truth was only true in the moment I spoke it. Feelings change. But that doesn’t change the trueness of that one moment when you were hurting and you spoke your mind.

And that’s just the trouble with me. I am honest and I speak my mind. I am always true to myself and don’t feel I should change who I am unless I see a flaw that needs worked out for personal growth, and sorry not sorry, but I don’t see honesty as a flaw. I’m from the south, where the only thing we sugar coat is our iced-tea.

But people are so afraid of the truth, narcs especially. This whole “fake it ‘til you make it” mindset just makes people afraid to be real, and that creates so many more problems than it solves.

I am proud of myself for never betraying who I am, even if people despise me for it. But… it is so very lonely. And now that loneliness has gotten the better of me because…

In spite of others’ obvious flaws and personality disorders… in spite of how they damaged me… I still love them tremendously and miss them terribly.

But they’re gone and they’re not coming back, and I can no longer open myself up and trust enough to form new friendships, because I know they will end the same way as all the others. It happens every time, and I can’t take another blow like the one Courtney dealt me. I can’t even stand the loneliness and isolation anymore. It’s just so much, and I… I’m just so tired of the litany of things lost.

Even if no one remembers me fondly, I hope they will remember me as someone real. Someone who was here and who wrote all of these words, and who wasn’t afraid of honesty like so, so many others. One of the few who wasn’t brainwashed by society into believing I had to stifle myself.

But also as someone who got exhausted of the burden of the loneliness endured because of it.

I’m Sunny D, and I was real. Remember this.

[diavolosthots]

A lot of hcs have the brothers reacting with violence against any demon that hurts mc- how do you think they’d respond if mc was like.. REALLY uncomfortable with that? Either bc mc thinks that the demon should have a chance to learn from their mistake, or bc they’re scared when the bros lash out like that, or whatever reason.

God i love the violent protective headcanons so much because it truly captures their demonic natures and, in my opinion, how demons are with their chosen mates buuuttttttttt..... Yeah i can see how some people are uncomfortable with that

Warning: mentions of violent thoughts/some like... Tight gripping, but no actual, full on violence

THE BROTHERS reacting to MC being hurt by a demon and wanting them to have a second chance/being scared (??? Idk that’s the title I came up with, fight me later if it doesn’t make sense now.)

Lucifer:

His first instinct is always, and will always be, to protect you. In his eyes, you’re still this small, fragile, innocent human being, even if you’re not. Even if you’re his height and bench as much as Beelzebub physically, you’re still not a match for a demon and he hates to think that one could get too close, and then it happens. Obviously, he’s full on demon form and ready to teach someone a lesson, but then you stop him, and he’s confused. “Don’t worry Darling, I will handle them.” What’s that? You don’t want him to handle them? Are you out of your mind? “MC they hurt you and they shall pay the price.” A second chance? Do you know what demons are? Look, now the demon is laughing! But… for your sake, Lucifer is backing down. For now. 

“If they do it again, I won’t hesitate MC; this is for your safety. Demons don’t usually change for the better. No, you can not use me as an example.” 

Mammon:

Here’s the thing: chances are, Mammon would talk way more than he would actually fight, anyway. He’d go on a whole speech about how you’re his and he’s there to protect you and how you will never have to worry about anything with him around. Then that demon would get the same lecture and honestly, he’s probably going to bore the demon to death more than anything so you, realistically, don’t have to worry about him being violent, anyway, UNLESS the demon swings at him first because then it’s okay and sorry MC, but this got a little too personal. Just one punch, okay? And then he’ll literally grab you and run for it because even Mammon knows he won’t last long. 

“Listen this ain’t cuz yer scared or I’m scared. This is cuz I can’t let ya get hurt!.... Again!” (Spoiler: it’s because he won’t last long due to his constant worry about you)

Leviathan:

Hold up. Wait a minute. You’re telling him that, after everything he’s been through, everything he’s done, every rough path he had to take to get you, you’re telling him now that he can’t protect you because this lowlife scum deserves a SECOND CHANCE?! Give him a moment, he needs to calm down. Not only is he jealous because someone else managed to get their hands on you but also, “MC are you stupid?! They hurt you!” Like, he genuinely thinks you’re insane. But then he also immediately feels bad for calling you stupid and he’s having a mental debate on what’s more important: avenging you and being a lowkey hero, or giving into your wish and making you happy…. “Ugh….Fine! Fine… but you’re not going anywhere alone ever again!” And also…. He might’ve, totally, tripped that demon with his tail as he takes you back home. Just enough for them to faceplant. No actual violence. 

“They deserved that much…. What? I didn’t do it…..!” Yes he did.

Satan:

Oof. Anger. Rage. Wrath. Fire. It’s all inside of him and he is, quite literally, fuming. His demon form suddenly feels too tight and he wishes he could emerge into his full form without actually causing you to have a heart attack. You’re practically begging him to calm down, “calm down?!” And he’s having none of it. Someone touched what was his and they hurt you doing that, “S-Satan…” but your voice is scared and laced with fear and although he thinks it’s because of the demon at first, “Don’t worry, this worthless excuse of a life won’t be here much longer,” he soon realizes it’s actually he that is scaring you and it catches him off guard. Why are you scared? He’s protecting you! It hurts his heart, though, to see you be so afraid of them and he’s mentally battling himself. He can’t let them get away with this; it would go against his own personal morals and beliefs, but also…

“Let’s… let’s go home… I’ll make some hot chocolate for you and we can… calm down.” 

Asmodeus:

He tries to avoid conflict as much as possible, half because he doesn’t want to get his hands dirty, and half because he doesn’t like it. If anyone deserves to be a drama queen, it’s him, not anyone else. So you telling him, as he’s about to fight for the first time in a couple millennia, to please not… kind of sets him at ease. “Are you sure?” but he also needs to make sure that this is exactly what you want. He doesn’t like it, of course, because he does firmly believe people deserve to be held accountable for their actions, but he would hate to see you upset with him when he could just… 

“don’t forget to put facial cleanser on tonight and drink water. Your ugliness needs to be washed off and your soul could use some hydration. Hatred out, flowers in!”

Beelzebub:

Oh he’s ready to not only throw hands, he’s ready to tear someone apart. Angry Beel is a scary Beel and he takes a sense of… pride when people fear him, but only if they SHOULD fear him, you know? Laying hands on you is a BIG no no and he won’t treat it lightly. Whatever your relationship with him may be, he protects the people he cares about and his fist is pulling back way too quickly for you to say stop “Beel!” but you’re scared and he halts because he can hear it in your voice and immediately pauses, turning to look at you. He still has a tight grip on them and he’s still ready to tear them to pieces, but you’re also trembling now and his wings slowly lower, thinking he had done something wrong. “I’m… sorry….” stop? You want him to stop? He doesn’t like that… “What if they hurt you again? I can’t let that happen….” he can’t, in good conscience he can’t….. 

“You’re off the hook for now, but let me catch you near MC again and there’s nothing you will be able to do but tell your little life goodbye.”

Belphegor:

Look, MAYBE he’s being a little hypocritical right now, okay? Yeah he totally kind of did the same thing to you but that’s exactly why he’s doing better now! He realizes how wrong he was and how he should’ve never done that, you know, all that good 180 degree turn around stuff, but also??? How dare someone else do that??? “I’m not letting them go MC. Not until they have paid. And you just have to stand there and watch as Belphegor jokes them with his tail and for a while that may work BUT…. he hates the look you gave him when he turns back toward you. It breaks his heart, although he would only reluctantly admit that, so he drops them to the ground and looks at you a bit ashamed. “Fine… I won’t… not today…” and you’re lucky he’s lazy and that tail-lift already took a lot out of him. “But it can’t happen again. I won’t be this nice next time MC.” ain’t no one allowed to mess with you! 

“Just because I made a mistake doesn’t mean you can. Run before I decide to squash you anyway.” 

[odos-bucket]

More Protective!Batdad Fic, With the Pretense that this is a Series Mostly Given Up

They’re returning to the cave after Robin’s first night out since the start of Tim’s parents’ most recent stay in the city. It had been a routine patrol, made noteworthy only by the return of the boy wonder. They’d gotten into a bit of a scuffle with some muggers towards the end of the night, but it wasn’t anything they couldn’t handle, and they had both come away from it unharmed. At least that was what Bruce thought at the time. And he paid pretty close attention to things.

But when the domino mask comes off he can clearly see where Tim has a black eye, and a bruise blooming over his cheek.

“What happened?” He leaves his cowl and gloves on the computer, and takes a few steps closer to where Tim is fishing his civilian clothes out of a bag.

“Huh?” Tim bunches up the shirt he’s holding into a fist, and his eyes dart around for a moment without settling on Bruce. “Oh.” Fingers of his free hand fly up to hover over his injured cheek. “Thief got in a lucky shot.” His voice is a fraction of an octave higher than usual.

Bruce’s eyes automatically narrow as he begins his mental recall of the events that had transpired less than twenty minutes prior.

“I didn’t see you get hit,” he says slowly.

Tim just shrugs.

The bruise is too dark to be less than half an hour old anyway. It had to have come from sometime earlier in the day. It had been hidden beneath the mask though, and they’d both already been in full costume when they’d met earlier that evening.

Before Bruce can say anything else, Tim is ducking into a private alcove to finish getting changed. He’s a bit slower at it than usual, and Bruce wonders if that could be indicative of other hidden injuries, or if Tim is just drawing it out to avoid further scrutiny. Several minutes go by, and he finally clears his throat.

“Tim?”

“Just a second.” The words come out quickly.

Bruce goes to change himself, only to find that Tim still isn’t out by the time he’s finished and returned. He knocks gently on the wall that’s partitioning off the section of the cave where he’s changing, and hears a soft startled gasp, before Tim’s scurrying out.

“Yep! Sorry! Sorry! Just a little spaced.”

“Tim.” Bruce hopes his voice sounds gentle. “What happened?”

“What do you mean? I told you-“

“Don’t lie to me. That didn’t come from just now.” Bruce pauses and sighs. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”

Tim shakes his head.

“I won’t tolerate you hiding injuries from me.”

“I’m not.”

They stand looking at each other for several drawn out, silent seconds.

“Were you patrolling on your own?” Bruce asks after a minute. “I’m going to find out if you-“

“No.” Tim sounds even less like his normal self when he cuts in. “I promise I wasn’t.”

“All right. So what is it? Did something happen during the day?”

As much as Bruce wants to know about it if Tim’s getting into fights at school, or somewhere else, he recognizes that it may not be his place to intervene if this wasn’t vigilante related. That’s fine (at least so he tells himself) but he’d like assurance that someone’s looking out for his Robin.

“Is it something you can handle with your parents?” He tries.

Tim’s eyes widen for half a second, and then he bursts into tears.

Bruce briefly freezes, before returning to himself and rushing to Tim’s side.

“I’m so stupid,” Tim is muttering, barely discernibly. “I’m sorry. I was so stupid.” The words barely come out between bouts of gasping, shuddering sobs.

Bruce wants to beg him to tell him what happened, but settles for reaching out a careful arm, and slowly pulling him close. Tim freezes for a fraction of a second, before melting into his side, continuing to mumbled unintelligibly.

“It’s all right,” Bruce tries to sooth, very aware that he doesn’t really have the voice for that sort of thing. “You’re okay.” He desperately wishes that he could offer some more specific reassurances, but he still doesn’t know what’s going on. “I’ve got you,” he settles for, running a hand through Tim’s hair.

They stay like that for a while, Tim crying, and apologizing, and Bruce telling him it’s okay, and wishing he could be sure that it was true. Eventually the tears dry up, and the breathing evens out, and the tense body beside his goes limp with exhaustion. Bruce doesn’t let go, not until he feels Tim starting to shift around restlessly. And even then he stays close enough to be easily collapsed into again, should the need arise.

“I messed up,” Tim says, after a few false starts.

“Whatever it is, we can fix it.” A ridiculous promise, and one that Bruce normally wouldn’t be making without more information. But somehow- without Bruce meaning to allow him to- Tim has joined the narrow ranks of those capable of inducing him to speak or behave a-procedurally.

Tim shakes his head.

“Tim, I want to help, but you have to give me something to work with.”

Tim is too focused on keeping his eyes dry, and his breathing steady to respond.

“Do you want me to take you home?” Bruce forces himself to offer, forces himself to remember that this child isn’t his, doesn’t need him the way the other robins did.

Another sob escapes Tim, and he buries his face in his hands. There’s a pang in Bruce’s chest as he realizes what he has to ask next.

“Did something happen at home?”

The question is met with heavy breathing, followed by a drawn out silence, and then, finally, a slow nod.

Bruce forces down his rising anger, as Tim finally gathers himself to speak.

“I don’t know if they want me to go back.” It comes out in a hoarse whisper. “Dad was so mad at me.”

Fury coils in Bruce’s gut, and lies in wait for his next question to be answered.

“Did he do this?” He gestures to the black eye.

“It’s never happened before,” Tim rushes to say. “Nothing like this ever has.”

“That doesn’t matter.” Bruce practically growls. Tim, to his credit, seems entirely unaffected by the intensity of the tone.

“I started it,” he says.

“… There’s no way that’s true.”

“Bruce,” Tim chokes out, leaning back into him.

“I’m here. I’ve got you.”

Bruce pulls him close like he could absorb Tim into himself, like if he holds him tightly enough he can keep him safe- as if he’s actually capable of keeping any child safe. This will never happen again, he wants to say, I won’t let it. His mind is racing. He doesn’t want to let Tim back into that house, doesn’t want to let him out of his sight really. He’s never been able to fathom how the Drakes can have this selfless, determined, brilliant child in their care, and be so willing to spend all their time away from him. He’s been wary of them from the beginning. But he never imagined that they could pose this kind of danger to their son.

“This is so stupid,” Tim grumbles into Bruce’s shoulder.

Bruce can’t disagree, though he’s a little worried that they aren’t on the same page about what exactly that means.

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Tim continues after a minute. “I thought- I thought things were going well!”

“Telling me was the right thing to do,” Bruce says quickly. “If somebody’s hurting you- no matter who it is-“

“That isn’t what I mean.” He takes a deep breath, and leans back a little bit.

Bruce watches patiently, as Tim calms his nerves, and steadies himself.

“I… told Mom and Dad about Connor,” he breathes. “Not the alien clone thing, obviously. But, I told them that I was seeing someone- a guy- and I don’t even know why I did it! In the back of my head I knew there was no way it was going to go over well. I knew that. I was just, I don’t know, feeling happy, and okay for the first time in a while. So I thought-“ He shakes his head. “I mean I didn’t think; that was the problem. And Mom reacted the way I knew she- the way I should have known she would. And I got mad, and I started yelling at her, and Dad, when I yelled at her, Dad, that’s when he- he…”

Bruce’s heart breaks. It’s not like he’d imagined that Jack Drake would have a good reason for lashing out at his son, but this was nothing.

“I’m still not hearing anything that you did wrong.” He forces himself to stay calm.

“Trying to come out to them was dumb! I didn’t need to do it. They were leaving soon anyways, it shouldn’t have mattered!”

“No. They shouldn’t have hurt you,” Bruce says fiercely. “This is part of who you are, so it should always matter. It’s not stupid to assume that people who are supposed to care about you would want to know more about what’s going on in your life. Tim, you did nothing wrong.”

He runs a hand up and down his back, like he’d done when Dick had nightmares as a child.

Tim glances at him out of the glassy corner of his eye, and scrubs his hands roughly over his face, before mumbling something that Bruce doesn’t catch.

He waits for a beat, before quietly asking if Tim will repeat himself.

“They don’t want me coming around here anymore,” he says more clearly, voice suddenly empty. “They- they saw that interview you did a couple years back, where you came out as bisexual.” His face is tinged pink, ashamed to even be repeating his parent’s words. “So they think that I, I don’t know, caught it from you, like it’s contagious or something. But I didn’t know where else to go! And I- I don’t want to give this up…“ He gestures broadly to the cave around them as hiccuping breaths overpower his speech.

Bruce just holds on as Tim continues to cry, softly repeating that he didn’t do anything wrong, carefully keeping the furious voice raging, ‘those bastards won’t take you away from me,’ under wraps. He doesn’t let himself think about every other instance of his sexuality being cited as a factor making him an unsuitable guardian that he’s committed to precise memory, the vicious arguments that his children should be taken away from him, the fact that if he hadn’t been born so lucky in so many other ways they might have been. Tim doesn’t need him to be angry, Tim needs him to be smart.

They wait out the tears again, until they’re not falling so heavily, and Tim is shuddering occasionally, rather than continuously, and can compose himself enough to speak.

“I didn’t mean to dump all this on you,” he says once he’s mostly calmed down.

“Oh, sweetheart.” Bruce threads his fingers through locks of lightly tangled hair. “I’m so glad you told me what happened. You’re going to stay here tonight, okay?”

Tim is with them often enough when his parents aren’t around that they already have a room made up for him, a room which after less than a year has come to show more evidence of his personality than his bedroom at the Drake’s mansion.

Tim nods.

“Thank you.”

Bruce squeezes his shoulder.

“Do you still have pajamas here? Or do you need to borrow a pair of Dick’s?”

It’s something easy in a moment where everything feels impossibly difficult.

“I brought them with me when I went home.” His breath catches on the last word, and it only half comes out.

“That’s all right. Dick won’t mind.”

Now it’s just a matter of getting themselves upstairs. There will be more to worry about tomorrow, much more, and it will undoubtedly only increase in the days that follow. Bruce will have to figure out whether or not Jack and Janet Drake are looking for their son, and he can’t quite decide which the worse option is at this point. He’ll also need to make sure he understands what exactly is within his power to do to keep Tim safe. Bruce stops himself before he can begin preparing for the future too obsessively. He brings himself back to the present moment, stairs, pajamas, bed, all very manageable tasks.

He just really doesn’t want to let go of the child in his arms. The realization that Tim might need him more than he thought is overpowering, making him feel violently protective, and a little bit terrified.

Some of the strain of the moment breaks when Tim uses the side of Bruce’s arm to stifle a yawn, but it’s still a little while longer before they’re ready to head upstairs.

When they do, Tim wanders up to his room, where Bruce hopes he’ll find easy rest. He stays awake and finds Alfred. There’s a lot they need to talk about.

[pies-writes-and-more]

Hungover Love

word count: 2,688

pairing: UniversityStudent!Akaashi Keiji x Fem!Reader

warnings: characters getting drunk and hungover - all assumed to be of legal age

a/n: I don’t know where this came from but I started writing it so here it is haha. Got the idea from @moanlightlust‘s list (can find it here!) so thank you! I’ll bold the prompt down below (I kinda changed it for the sake of the story but still got the idea from their prompt list :)) Thank you to @satan-ruler-of-hells​ and @thisnoodlewritesao3​ for reading over this for me! Love you both :)

haikyuu masterlist

“Akaashi?” You repeated the name for the second time as you strained your ears to hear something besides bar music and Bokuto’s loud voice in the background.

“Hm?” The small grunt made you smile, knowing he was probably slumped over on a chair, holding his face in one hand and leaning on a table in front of him, with his other hand pressing his phone a little too hard on his ear.

You let out a small laugh, pausing the show you had on your TV so you could hear him better, “Akaashi, you called me. Did you need something?”

There was another grunt on the other end of the line, and you chuckled as you heard Konoha teasing Bokuto about something in the distance, “What is it, Akaashi?” You inquired some more, listening to him hum quietly to the song playing.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” he mumbled and you just shook your head with a smile. God he must’ve had far too many drinks to be this out of it. “I fucking love Y/N Y/L/N. It almost feels like she can hear me right now,” he was saying and you just laughed. “Like I can... I can hear her laughing.”

“Akaashi, you idiot,” your face felt hot but you tried to ignore it. He was drunk. Very clearly drunk. He didn’t mean anything by it - the last time he was drunk, he told you he was going to leave his college volleyball team and join some new sport because Bokuto was getting on his nerves. 

It didn’t mean anything. It didn’t. It didn’t matter that those were the words you had been waiting to hear from him. It didn’t matter that you’d spent the last two years pining after him. He was drunk.

“Didya know... the other day.... Y/N smiled at me cause I said something funny- what did I say... I can’t remember what I said but I said something funny and she smiled and I just.. God it’s that smile ya know?” Akaashi’s voice seemed so much lighter than it did usually. You could tell that he was smiling and just imagining that goofy drunk smile on his face made your heart skip a beat or two.

“That’s nice,” you tried to keep things casual, avoid getting your hopes up too much. You didn’t want to ruin what you had with him - the nice fun friendship that was definitely just a friendship.

“Y/N?” Akaashi suddenly seemed a lot more present, as if just realizing you were on the line. 

“Yea?”

“Y/N!” The smile on his face was probably a lot bigger from the sounds of it, a chuckle slipping from his lips, “I love you, Y/N! I’ve loved you ever since I met you when you picked up my runaway ball for me back in high school. You were so pretty then and you’re super pretty now. Like you get prettier every day I see you-” his speech was quick and slurred, you could almost feel him getting drunker by the second.

“Akaashi-”

“Bokuto keeps telling me that I need to tell you but I dunno if I can because I’m pretty sure you like that dude that lives across from you and-”

“Akaashi-”

“But I guess I wouldn’t know until I told you right? So I’m telling you because I like you. I really like you. I wanted to bring you to that new ice cream place down the road from your place but you always seemed so busy and I don’t want to bug you, plus volleyball takes up so much time, and then there’s school, and I don’t even know how to balance volleyball, school, and a girlfriend-”

“Akaashi!” Your voice was louder this time, biting down on your inner cheek as his name left your lips. You needed him to stop - it had to stop. Your heart was fluttering too much and you couldn’t even tell how much of this was true. You wanted to tell yourself that alcohol could bring out people’s true feelings, but it also made you do dumb shit. And wouldn’t confessing to someone you didn’t actually like be considered dumb shit?

“Ya that’s me,” Akaashi mumbled, clearly a lot more tired than he seemed five seconds ago.

You tried not to laugh, tried to swallow your fears and your feelings, your heart feeling like it was beating a thousand times a minute. “I need you to go sober up, get some rest and drink lots of water okay?”

“But-”

“No but’s! You obviously drank way too much and honestly, I’ve never heard you talk like this before and I can’t even tell if it’s you anymore,” you acted like you were scolding him, putting up that wall again like you had so many other times before. He couldn’t really like you, could he? There was no way.

“Y/N Y/L/N, I fucking love you!” Akaashi yelled into the phone, making you cringe a bit at the volume.

Your chest was tightening, you couldn’t tell if it was fear or hope but whatever it was, it was scaring the shit out of you, “Shut the hell up! If you love me so much tell me when you’re sober, dammit!” You yelled back, immediately hanging up the phone. Your eyes widened as you watched the call screen disappear, your mouth suddenly feeling very dry.

The next few hours were radio silent from both Bokuto and Akaashi. You refused to text either of them in fear that you might accidentally say more than you wanted to.

It’s fine, he was really drunk from the sounds of it so he probably won’t even remember it right? I mean, the last time he got super drunk, he didn’t remember challenging the bartender to a pushup fight so... so he won’t remember.... right?

You paced in your room for a bit, glancing at your phone every five seconds to see if there was any sort of notification from either of your friends. But nothing. 

You barely slept a wink that night, tossing and turning while facing dreams of Akaashi laughing in your face the next time you saw him.

You thought I meant that? It was just a joke, Y/N.

I only see you as a friend, sorry.

Don’t you think you’re reading into our friendship a little too much? That’s all there is. Friendship. 

The idea of Akaashi awkwardly laughing in your face, giving you that half smile while dismissing your feelings haunted you for hours. By the time the sun came up, you gave up on the idea of sleeping and threw your blanket off of you. It was time to figure out how to survive your day without thinking about Akaashi Keiji at all. 

It wasn’t easy. Everything reminded you of him. Half of your Netflix was shows you were watching with him, or movies you’d already seen with him next to you. Your homework wasn’t any help either (though you definitely needed to get it done). Akaashi would normally come over and study with you, his adorable glasses making him look like some young professor, twirling his pencil around in his fingers while nodding along to some song stuck in his head. You couldn’t get used to studying on your own.

Radio silence finally broke when you texted Bokuto, asking if they all made it home safe last night and he responded with a very badly spelled text message saying, “himw safe so tirwd need adcil heaf hurtinh” (aka. home safe so tired need advil head hurting) 

Your lips curled into a small smile - at least Bokuto was alive. And the fact that he wasn’t all up in your face about Akaashi meant that the setter probably hadn’t said anything last night, or at least, it meant that Bokuto was too busy tending to a hangover to think about it.

A knock on your door made you jump, watching it for a moment before slowly approaching.

“Oi, open up, I know you’re in there.”

You calculated the odds and realistically there were only 3 reasons why Akaashi would be at your door right now, while he was still probably very hungover.

A. He was tired of listening to Bokuto complain about being hungover while also hungover and wanted you to help take care of him.

B. He wasn’t actually hungover and wanted to hang out.

C. He remembered your phone call from last night and wanted to confront you about it.

...

There was no way it was B or C so... it had to be A right?

You opened the door with a smile on your face, trying to pretend like this was the first time you spoke to him since you saw him earlier yesterday.

“Hey, what’re you doing here?” You asked, welcoming him in and watching his movements as he shuffled inside. He was wearing his sunglasses and wincing a little so... it definitely wasn’t B. He was definitely still hungover.

“Good morning to you too,” Akaashi chuckled slightly, groaning as he made his way over to your couch and flopped onto it. “God, my head is killing me,” he grumbled.

You felt almost a bit of relief - he wasn’t bringing it up so... it must mean that C wasn’t an option right? “I’ll make you some tea. Want something to eat?”

He made a noise that you assumed was a yes, grabbing some ramen packages that you liked to have whenever you were hungover.

“How’re the boys?” You asked as soon as the tea was finished, handing it to him as he sat up with a huff.

“Fine... I told them I didn’t want to get drunk,” he rolled his eyes. “But Bokuto kept pouring shots and being a little bitch when I didn’t want to have them... something about how he didn’t want to lose his best friend or something.”

You laughed, shaking your head slowly as you moved back to your little kitchen, “You’re always so busy studying. Bokuto probably just misses having you around.”

“We live together.”

“Ya well you’re always either on campus or here with me so I can see why he’d miss you,” you smirked, humming softly to yourself as you let the noodles cook. Things were okay. Things were normal. Things were going to be fine - all your worries were slipping away-

“So are we not going to talk about it?” 

Akaashi’s voice made you jump, turning around to find him standing right behind you and slowly sipping on the tea.

“Fuck, Akaashi, don’t do that,” you glared at him, hitting his arm, “Could’ve made me burn myself.” 

“Sorry,” he gave you a small smile, leaning against the nearby counter. “But we are going to talk about it, aren’t we?”

The ramen so clearly needed stirring and stirring was a full focus kind of job and this was obviously why you were looking into the pot and not looking at Akaashi, even though you could feel his eyes watching you, “Talk about what? Bokuto missing you?”

Akaashi chuckled and lifted his finger to under your chin, tilting your face to look at him, “I drank a lot. But I don’t think any amount of alcohol could make me forget how embarrassing I was.”

“Embarrassing?”

He watched your eyes for a moment before pulling his hand away from you and looking down at his tea, his smile slowly stiffening, “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I don’t want to make you more uncomfortable. I just thought I should apologize and let you know that you don’t have to reject me or anything. I like being friends with you and that’s enough for me, even if there’s a part of me that wants more.”

You almost dropped your spoon on the floor, staring at him with wide eyes, “S-Sorry what? Apologize? For... for what?”

“For confessing to you while drunk,” Akaashi’s smile was turning more sad now, taking a slow sip from his tea. “I’d been considering telling you how I feel for a while now and I guess I should’ve stopped myself from drinking sooner to save you the embarrassment.”

“Embarrassment? Akaashi, don’t be an idiot,” you ignored the soup still dripping from the spoon and whacked his arm with it.

“Hey!”

“You’re telling me you were drunk enough to confess to me and to remember what you said but not remember what I said at the end?” You huffed, hands on your hips now. 

Akaashi’s eyes lifted to the ceiling in thought, his lips pursing slowly like he did when he was concentrating on getting an answer right on his homework, “I know you seemed mad,” he finally responded, shrugging a bit. “I figured it was cause I put you on the spot like that.”

“No you absolute meathead, it’s because after months and months of pining after you, weeks of Bokuto almost spilling my secret on multiple different occasions to you, him almost screaming to you once about how much I love you, you end up telling me you love me over a drunk phone call and I can’t tell if you’re being serious or just a drunk dummy!” You scold him, hitting his arm again with your hand and shaking your head. God, for a boy with as high of an average as he had, how is it possible that there were no brain cells running around in that head of his?

Akaashi smirked a little, watching your eyes as you ranted, a playful smile on his lips, “So... you love me huh?”

“You better get out of my sight before I dump this ramen on your head,” you glare at him, trying your best not to smile because his smile was just so contagious but ugh that evil little smirk of his-

His lips were suddenly on your cheek, pressing a soft kiss to your skin and letting you feel the smirk still toying on his expression, “Drunk or not. I do love you, Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Y-Yeah yeah whatever,” you avoid his eyes some more, your whole face feeling hot and your cheek tingling where he had kissed you. “Go sit, it’s almost done.”

“Not until you say it back,” he teased, hugging you from behind and peppering your cheeks with some more kisses. “You said you love me, you can’t take it back now. Say it again.”

“Why?” you laughed, trying to pull away from his tight hug.

“Because it’s the best news I’ve ever gotten and I want to hear you say it again and again and again,” he insisted, turning you around to face him and smiling down at you. “Pretty please?”

You sighed with a smile on your face because as annoying as he could be, you really did mean it when you tell him, “I love you too, Akaashi.”

Alone time with Akaashi lasted long enough for him to properly ask you to go on a date with him to that ice cream shop, and was then interrupted by Bokuto showing up at your door and inviting himself in with a grin.

Apparently, the cure to Bokuto’s hangover was just knowing his two best friends had finally confessed to each other.

“God, I thought he’d never get drunk enough,” Bokuto grinned proudly to himself after you had happily explained the details to him. “I thought I’d have to just keep ordering him drinks.”

“What?” Akaashi glared at him, putting the pieces together.

Bokuto just smirked mischievously, “You can’t get mad cause it worked. I figured it would take a miracle to get you two to confess. And getting you drunk is basically a miracle.”

The fact that you were laughing made Akaashi want to kill Bokuto a little less, and even though he glared some more at his best friend, he would secretly thank him later for helping him get the courage to get the girl of his dreams. As much as Bokuto could get on his nerves sometimes, it really would be thanks to him that Akaashi got to take you out on that cute date and tell you just how much he loves you every day.

haikyuu taglist (let me know if you’d like to be added!)

@al0ehas @aurumk @neko-chii1 @thisnoodlewritesao3 @satan-ruler-of-hells @trashy-simp @jeppiet​ @tobi-momo​ @darkvadeeer​ @haikyuutothetop​ @livy384​ @babyshoyo​ @jesssobs​ @b-bakana​

[salemwritesxx]

scars of the past

↳ omega bakugou (21) x alpha, older reader (29)

summary: Katsuki is dating Y/n, an older Alpha who already has a 5 year old child, and even though they both feel very comfortable with each other, Y/n turns back at last, leaving Bakugou alone in front of his own apartment door. However, the Omega has never been someone to just give up and accept something easily.

w.count: 2.2k

content warning: age gap (8 y.), omegaverse, reader has a child, indicated knotting in the last bit but not explicit, mpreg mentioned, alpha reader has a c-section scar and talks about his pregnancy in the last bit

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He knew something was going on. This wasn’t like the few dates prior. Today it was… stiff, uncomfortable. You didn’t talk much.

“Y/n-san?”, Katsuki startled you a bit as you flinched, before faking that smile – he could immediately tell.

“I’m sorry. We are out on a date and I’m all quiet today, huh? Forgive me.”, once again, you smiled, though Bakugou could tell it wasn’t genuine, though for now, he didn’t say anything and instead put on a little smile himself.

“It’s okay.”

And so, you continued the rest of the dinner.

-

As you brought him home, once more, Katsuki could feel something was in the air, the last few dates were funny, he genuinely felt comfortable around you. He started to like you – a lot. Not even caring that you already had a child, because the more time passed in the last months, the more he liked the thought of becoming part of your family one day.

However, once in front of Katsuki’s apartment door, you stopped and said, “I’m sorry, we need to stop.”

Completely thrown off, he lost his friendly façade for a moment as his facial features derailed and he could just blink for a moment, staring at you with his mouth open, only to shake his head and get back to reality.

“What… What do you mean? We need to stop?”, trying so hard to not yell or get aggravated, since he was so easily agitated and full of rage, he just stared at you with those ruby eyes you really fell for.

“I… I am sorry, I am a coward. But I just can’t let this go on. If we continue, I am going to seriously fall for you and I just can’t.”

With that, you suddenly turned around and rushed down the flight of stairs, literally running away from him while Bakugou could just stay there in front of his apartment and stare at the spot you had been standing in a few seconds ago.

He was so taken aback, his usual potty mouth didn’t escape one sound.

Right when he thought he had met someone he actually liked. Right when it seemed like everything was going well because the last dates were so nice… Everything crashed down on him. Feeling like he couldn’t breathe, like someone was choking him and all he could do was stand still and stare. So that’s how it felt to be rejected by someone you liked?

Wow, that shit hurt.

But he wouldn’t be Bakugou fucking Katsuki if he went and started pitying himself. The moment the sad feelings hit him, he tried to shake them off as he stormed into his apartment.

Stopping? Giving up? As if! He had never been an obedient little whimpy Omega and you would learn that very soon, because for Bakugou the last word had not yet been spoken. Even if you wouldn’t give in to his advances, he at least wanted to have a better reason than “I just cannot fall in love with you”!

-

Right the next morning, it was a Sunday and he knew you had Sundays off, he went to your apartment complex. Katsuki had only been there once and that very briefly since you didn’t want him to accidentally meet your son, which, he understood, in case things weren’t going to work out, but now? No, Bakugou didn’t care. Even if it was selfish of him.

Being a smart Omega, he ringed someone else’s doorbell, telling them he had forgotten his key to the complex and thus being able to enter quite easily as they opened the front door so he could get in – good thing he wasn’t a robber or something… These people really needed to stop being so friendly, but it was only a good thing for him.

Now you, at least, couldn’t stop him right at the entrance and you had to see him.

Knocking on your door, he waited for a moment, though hearing a “Seiji, don’t!” inside, before it already opened up and a little boy stood in front of Katsuki.

“Oh…”, with big e/c eyes that were definitely yours, Seiji stared at Katsuki for a moment, only for you to arrive and then also finally see who stood in front of your door.

“Katsuki… What-“

“Daddy!”, Seiji then interrupted you, both of you looking down to the little one, “Who is that? You smell like him sometimes.”, the big eyes back on Bakugou who was instantly blushing lightly. Little Alpha kids picked up scents quite easily…

“Sei! I…Go inside, okay? Daddy needs to talk to Katsuki for a moment.”, you said as gently as you could even though your heart was beating 100 miles per hour since you didn’t expect Bakugou to show up at your doorstep.

“Mhhh…”, pouting for a moment, Seiji then begrudgingly went back into your living room where all his toys were, so you could slip out and close the door behind you just before it completely locked.

“Katsuki, what are you doing here?”, you said in a hushed voice.

“I am here because I need answers! You can't just fucking… ditch me like that! Not after saying… what you said yesterday, about… falling and stuff.”, he couldn’t even utter it out loud properly, thinking you really fell for him, even though he had always heard what a complicated, unlovable Omega he was.

Sighing, you rubbed your eyes, before looking back.

“I know. I am supposed to be the older one, you know. Be responsible and not run away. But…”, you turned slightly to look into your apartment where Seiji was making noises as he was playing with a plane toy, “I cannot let myself get hurt again, you know? For his sake, I need to be strong and I can only do that when I am alone.”

“What utter bullshit!”, Katsuki blurted out in the heat of the moment, making you blink and turn back, completely taken aback that he was so rude to you – speech wise. Not even using keigo.

“I get it! You’re a father, but come on!”, he then grabbed you by your shirt, Katsuki’s usual frown changing to a… hurt facial expression. “What’s the point of always being afraid to be hurt? Yes, I cannot promise you that we won’t fight from time to time or that I am not fucking annoying sometimes, but… Just because there is a possibility of these things happening doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try?! You said you would fall for me and me too! I…”, he then gulped and looked down at your torso, a soft rosy hue on his cheeks, “I really like you too and I want to try dating you, properly. I want to be your mate. And, I know you feel the same. We can both smell it, we are compatible on so many levels, so why would you push me away like that?”

It had always been hard for Bakugou to talk about his feelings, but once he started, it kind of was flowing on its own, expressing how much he wanted to be called your Omega, feeling that connection he had with you.

Though the moment he realized what he had just said, especially after you’ve been just silent for the past seconds, he let go of your t-shirt and kind of stumbled back.

“Sorry, I kind of just lost it there. I-“, however he couldn’t talk further when you stepped closer and then hugged him against your strong chest, immediately feeling safe and like he had belonged there, in your arms, all along.

“You’re right. I am a coward, even though I am the Alpha and older and I should take initiative in these things, I… got scared. I didn’t want to go through it all one more time. I don’t know if I can handle it one more time, but… you’re right. I cannot go on with my life being afraid of being hurt again. Because in the end, there will be happy moments, even if it all cease to exist in the end, I know there were happy moments we shared. Forgive me. Are you sure you want this coward Alpha as your mate?”, you then chuckled and looked into his ruby eyes as Katsuki had also looked up, a smile immediately flitting across his lips as he nodded.

“Yeah. I am brave enough for both of us.”, he teased you and laughed, only to see the smile on your lips widen which made his heart skip a bit.

“I’m glad. You truly are one special Omega, Katsuki.”, and with that, you pulled him closer, Bakugou instantly relaxing into the hug as you connected your lips, sharing such a sweet kiss in the middle of the hallway.

“Daddy!”, then the door swung open, making you both flinch and look at little Seiji who held his teddy bear and stared at you with big eyes, “Can I watch TV?”

“Ah… yes, wait, Daddy will turn it on for you.”, then you turned to your new mate, “Will you come inside and eat breakfast with us?”

“Breakfast?”, Katsuki was little confused, especially when you snickered.

“Well, you came so soon, I didn’t even have a chance to make it. I thought you said you weren’t a morning person.”, taking his hand in yours, he instantly squeezed it and walked inside with you, his shy “Yeah no- I really ain’t! But, yesterday just.. hit me pretty hard so I couldn’t really sleep.” made you feel a bit bad, hence you pressed a soft kiss against the side of his head.  

“I hope from now on, whenever I keep you up at night, it’s for another reason.”, and that teasing smirk certainly didn’t help Bakugou’s heart at all, especially when you giggled and went inside the kitchen while he just yelled a “Y-Y/n-san!” as he quickly put his shoes away so he could follow you inside the kitchen, helping you with breakfast and hoping to bond with your son while doing so.

--

Panting and sweating, Bakugou collapsed on top of you eventually, safely landing in your arms that already awaited him while you were now tied for the next 20-ish minutes, though now, both of you had to calm down your racing hearts again and catch your breath.

Since this had been your official first night together, Bakugou was pretty surprised seeing your healed c-section scar across your lower abdomen, hence why, when he could control his breathing again he said, “You know… You never mentioned you were the one who’s pregnant with Seiji.”

“Ah…”, inevitably and complete instinctively you were reaching down to your scar, “You’re right, I never did…”, and then, it was silent again, and even though he wanted to be nosy, he immediately suppressed it and snuggled closer instead, understanding that there might be a reason why you never mentioned it.

Though then you surprised him when you said after a few minutes, “Me and my ex-husband had planned two kids. We were both Alpha men so we decided that I would be pregnant once and he would be pregnant next after like a year or so.”

“Was it a forced marriage?”, he asked so casually, knowing that Alpha/Alpha marriage was very commonly an arranged one in this world.

“No.”, then you sighed, the memories kind of hurting as you looked at the ceiling, “That’s why it hurt so much. We married young. We thought we could truly have a happy ever after, or at least… I thought so. So naturally, when we tried and I found out I was pregnant, we were truly excited. But…”, you gulped and stopped, Katsuki immediately holding on tighter as he felt his Alpha mate’s uneasiness.

“Something in those 9 months changed. I don’t know how or when or why, but, I just knew and I was right. A day after Seiji was born and I was still in hospital he came in and said he didn’t love me anymore. So… that was that.”, you rubbed your eyes and sighed again, though Katsuki was there, holding onto you.

“Literal human trash!”, Bakugou was angry and hurt just listening, like who would do that? He was so, so livid just listening to this story, no wonder you were scared of being hurt again, after such a painful situation, he also would have probably stayed single for the rest of his life.

Pulling him closer though, you buried your face in his hair and whispered, “It’s okay now. It’s been 5 years. I moved on because I have you. You came crashing into my life and I couldn’t be happier about it. Because you didn’t give up, even when I ran away, you came running after me and I am so grateful for that.”

You effectively made Katsuki blush as he buried his face in the nook of your neck, inhaling your Alpha scent and cuddling closer. He was so happy he didn’t let you just run away that night and he went after you right the next morning. Even if your past had left scars on you, he was there and he was willing to build a future with you and Seiji – and one day, when you were both ready, you could take the next step and give Seiji a little brother or sister.

Though those were certainly just dreams of the future for now.

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@salemwritesxx || do not repost, edit, modify or translate my works

writer’s note: hi, it’s me, salem – living his unachievable dream of having a real biological family one day in his fictional world. and? how’s your day? lmfao || also request update? I’m working on a hinata smut and it’s coming along nicely, cannot wait to share it once it’s done 👀

[dragon-of-dreams]

Puzzling

My Masterlist

Part 5 to Cracking a Code

1;  2;  3;  4

Pairing: dark!Steve Rogers x Reader (fem)

Warnings: Swearing, gaslighting, stalking, aftermath of noncon, noncon touching, caregiving, but like by Steve, so not really, self-harm references (previous chapter, not premeditated), discussion of eating

Summary: Steve takes you home to “take care” of you.

A/n: I’m not super happy with this chapter… and maybe I’ll redo it sometime in the future, but I just wanted to give you an update. Sorry, that everything takes so long!

Word count: 2,300

The rest of the drive passed in a blur. Steve’s hand hardly left your thigh and you let him. You were so exhausted, you didn’t have the energy to fight him off anymore. You felt yourself retreating into your body, away from the reality of being groped in the fancy sports car of America’s bravest hero.

Steve helped you up the steps to your apartment. You’re entire body was shaking, leaving you on unsteady feet. If you didn’t know better you’d say you were coming down with a fever. But the reason for the shivers coursing through you was so much larger. Not something a few pills could fix. Steve gently led you into your home, almost as if he owned the place, deposited you on the couch, and covered you in a blanket. As he tucked you in, his hands respectful and his touch kind you surfaced for a brief second out of the hole of despair his comment in the car had put you in.

“There you are, angel.” Steve smiled as he noticed how your eyes started to focus a bit. “I’ll make you something to eat. I’ll be right back.” With that, he leaned in and placed the gentlest kiss on your forehead, before retreating to your kitchen. You watched him rummage around in the tiny space adjoining your living room. He looked at ease, at home, and oh so loving. Did yesterday really happen? you wondered. There they were again. Those thoughts you had to brandish all day yesterday as well. You started to stare off into the middle distance; once more slipping away from reality and the physical pain left in your body. You heard Steve tut slightly, the fridge door opening and closing, then the same sound from a bunch of your cabinet doors. Just as you wanted to call out to him, to ask if he needed help, a robotic response drilled into you by your mother, Steve appeared before you almost as if out of thin air. His gait as silent as any other predator’s.

“Darling,” he sounded concerned, “did you eat yet?”

You looked up at him, doe-eyed. “I.. uh… I must have. I have some overnight oats in the fridge, so if there are only three glasses in there, then yeah.” To be honest you couldn’t remember, nothing made sense.

“There’s four, darling… You really gotta eat breakfast! It’s important to keep your strength up, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah… I usually do. I promise” Why do I not wanna make him sad? Why do I want him to be proud of me? You thought bewildered, as you looked into Steve’s worried eyes before all semblance of structured thought left you again to the tide of confusion washing over you and pulling you under.

“Ok, babe, I trust you. I’ll make some now, okay? You just sit tight.” All you could do was nod. It was like it was all happening to someone else. You weren’t really here. You were so far away and so present at the same time that it hurt.

As Steve left you your mind went to war with itself.

Steve wasn’t a good guy. He wasn’t the hero on those posters, was he? But he was making you breakfast, he tucked you in. He sent Bucky to check on you. No… No, he sent Bucky to make sure you didn’t go to the police. Right? Right.

You could feel your mind shut off, drawing you down with it. All that happened, Steve’s non-linear behavior pushing you over the edge. Nothing made sense.

You barely noticed as Steve fed you breakfast, bite by bite, all that registered somewhere deep within you was his calm, deep guiding voice: “One more bite, there you go, good girl” all his encouragement mushing together in your brain, a soothing sensation flowing through your pain-addled brain.

After breakfast, you could feel Steve manipulate your body, as he wrapped himself around you and put on your favorite movie. As you lay there engulfed in the arms of this giant man, accompanied by the sounds of the movie you had watched a million times, you slowly started to become aware of yourself again. The body heat was so soothing and Steve’s deep humming voice pushed the fear that had kept you paralyzed further and further away. Making way for a seething rage, fickle but growing. As you tensed and readjusted your limbs Steve leaned forwards and kissed your temple. “I knew you were still in there, angel. I made some tea. It should still be hot. I put it in a thermos. Let’s talk okay?” Steve carefully helped you sit, every touch his, stoking the anger burning through you. Then, oblivious to the shift in your mood, he got up to grab the tea and cups as you looked around as if you were seeing your place for the first time. It no longer held the feeling of safety that comes with any good home. All you could see was Steve controlling you, in the TV that was slightly turned, the smell of his cologne on your couch, the dirty pans in the sink.

When Steve came back, your head was much clearer and you carefully reached for your cup and made sure to keep your distance from Steve as subtly as you could. Whatever was to come, was going to be important.

“You know darling, you will have to be nicer to Bucky. He’s only trying to help when I can’t be there. New York is dangerous, always has been. No one knows that better than me and Buck. He texted me, saying you were really rude on the train this morning, and quite frankly, darling, I’m disappointed that I even have to say this, but you have to appreciate what we do for you, okay?” Steve’s voice is calm, collected, and rational. There is nothing but honest concern in it for a moment it disrupts the anger building within you. “It’s time to play nice with Bucky now, okay? Be nice to him, maybe even as nice as you have been for me, understand?”

It’s the last sentence that sets you off, Steve’s expectant gaze, belittling you, that makes you blow your lid.

“What? What are you talking about? Play nice? I wasn’t being nice to you! I don’t want your protection or your attention, or Bucky’s for that matter!” Your voice is rising, as you grip your cup of tea so tight its heat sears your palms. “Get out of my life!” you yell. Then like a bucket of cold water realization sets in. Every muscle in Steve’s body tightens, you see his body expand with the change, looming over you, blacking out the window. You expect Steve to yell, beat you up, but when you dare to look up at his face, it is almost passive, but there is danger burning beneath his façade.

“I understand this is difficult for you.” Steve’s voice turns harder with every word. You notice the missing pet name like a slap to your face. “But I am getting pretty tired of this conversation. You need to rain in that attitude of yours, okay? Because I won’t tolerate you being a spoiled brat who doesn’t see what’s best for them. I’m looking out for you here, taking care of you, something you apparently struggle with,” with that Steve gestures at the remnants of your breakfast, the one he had to make for you, “and all I expect in return is some gratitude, towards me and towards Bucky. This is not up for discussion. And if you can’t behave, you’ll have to deal with the consequences, young lady. Is that understood?” By the end of his speech, Steve has risen to his feet, towering over you, his voice booming to fill your apartment, while you cower into the sofa. Your breathing is shallow and you are petrified. It feels too much like last night. When you didn’t have a choice either. And everything he was saying was making sense. New York was dangerous. And you really were terrible at feeding yourself correctly… Those oat thingies were just the newest thing you were trying in your never-ending quest to live more healthily… Usually, your job took preference over clean living. And Bucky hadn’t done anything to you either. He’d just been there to watch out for you… Steve, well… Steve really had done that, but he also held you today, when your brain shut down and made you food. He could have just left you at work, where you surely would’ve gotten nothing done or even caused trouble if you fucked up your work…

Shakily you nod and watch some of the tension leave Steve’s body and he crouches down in front of you. “Good, I knew you were smart like that. Now we can either go have a bath and soothe your body or you can freak out again and then I swear I’ll make you bear the consequences of your behavior for real this time. So what’s it gonna be, princess?”

You stare at him for a second. How is he so rational? Why does this all make sense? Authority has always been your weakness, and so you just nod because what the Captain says goes, and you learned that the hard way, and let Steve lead you to the bathroom. Maybe you will get to lay in his arms again and hear him praise you. It felt so good when he held you on the couch. You were safe in his arms. All you want is to be back in his embrace. Where the harsh reality can’t hurt you. So you allow Steve to strip you down, as hot water pours into your tub.

Suddenly Steve’s grip on your hip tightens painfully, as yanks your jeans off of you. You look down, scared, and find him staring at the bruises you must have caused yourself in the shower this morning when you were trying to wash the night away. “What is this? Explain, now!” he seethes and turns his scorching gaze towards you.

“I, when I showered, I, I just wanted to get clean…” you stammer.

“Clean? Clean! You hurt yourself! Jeez! How dare you do something like that to yourself? I really can’t let you out of my sight for one second, can I? Gotta watch you like a little kid!”

You feel a pang in your heart. You weren’t trying to be bad! You want to tell Steve, but he just turns off the water, grabs your upper arm, and drags you from the bathroom into your bedroom. As you stumble after him, you try to figure out what is happening.

“Steve?” you plead as he sits down on the bed and puts you over his lap.

“No, darling, not anymore. I have been way too kind to you so far, but apparently, the nice approach doesn���t work with you. So discipline is what you get.” He thunders, and then his hand is hitting your bum with enough force to make you scream. It happened so fast that your head is spinning.

As you lie across his lap everything felt like it’s wrapped in cotton. So much skin-to-skin contact fries your over-worked and touch-starved brain into submission as Steve’s hand is raining down on your ass, painting it crimson. You burst into tears without any control over yourself. “Steve,” you sob, “Steve please, I didn’t mean to, I swear, Steve!” and just as those words leave your mouth, he stops, picks you up, and hugs you close. Your nerve endings sing at the close contact and you sag into him, all tension leaving your body. His hands draw soothing circles on your back as he holds you tight.

“I got you baby.” Steve whispers as he settles you on the bed, “I know that hurt, but I needed you to see, you know?”

You cry and nod, burrowing into his hulking form hovering over you.

“I’ll make it better baby, I’ll make it all good, now,” Steve murmurs, as he leans in to kiss your forehead, while his right hand comes down and starts to play with your clit. “Oh darling, look at you! You’re already wet for me, aren’t you?” Only then do you register the slick coating your thighs, embarrassed you want to turn from him, but Steve cages you in. “It’s okay babe, no reason to be shy about it. There is nothing wrong with wanting your man. Really, it just shows that you understand my discipline with you. I’m real proud of you, angel, real proud.” He mutters as he spreads your lips and slips two fingers in. You can’t help but moan and arch into him.

Steve is nothing but kind and soft with you as he readjusts both of your bodies until he sinks into your heat, and you both moan in unison. “There we go, darling. See how good I can be for you? There we go.” As he starts moving, slow and deep within you peace settles over you. “I’ll make you forget all that pain, babe, it’ll all be gone in just a minute now.” His fingers are rubbing circles around your clit while he keeps murmuring sweet encouragements into your ears as you climb and climb towards an orgasm that is so deep that it leaves you boneless in Steve’s arms until he finishes with a broken grunt deep inside of you. As Steve settles you in his arms after you can’t remember the last time you felt this sated, as you drift into a deep sleep with Steve’s spend slowly trickling out of you. For a split second, before you fall asleep the horror of what is happening to you is clear in your mind, but then, thankfully, once more your exhaustion pulls you under.

[bpro-cardstories]

Tomohisa Kitakado SSR

2019 ー New Field [新境地]

“Say, Tomo, are you really alright with it?”

『Event: Pirates of Legend (1st - 9th August 2019)』

Part 1

ーKitaKore’s apartment.ー

Tomohisa (surprised): ‘A request for me….. To write a script for a drama series?’

Tsubasa: ‘Yes. Because it’s in the form of a competition it’s unknown if your script will actually be used. You were supported by a famous script writer and invited to “co-write” a script.’

Tsubasa: ‘The theme will be “battle”, but outside of this, you are free to write anything.’

Ryuji: ‘Hee, so far there have been writing requests such as columns or comments….. Scriptwriting for a drama series is a first, isn’t it? It sure is an unusual offer, Tomo.’

Tomohisa: ‘Yeah, I honestly was surprised. Why did he nominate me, I wonder?’

Tsubasa: ‘The client is a TV station producer who worked on many hit dramas.’

Tsubasa: ‘It seems that while he was watching Kitakado-san’s appearance in a program,  he took notice of the atmosphere and your speech which was intelligent and had a good feeling to them.’

Ryuji: ‘Hehe. That producer must be watching Tomo closely.’

Tsubasa: ‘He also read the columns published in magazines by Kitakado-san, and said that you have excellent writing abilities and sufficient topicality. Therefore, if you are interested then you are asked to get in touch with him.’

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘I see….. I appreciate that he even read my columns. And to be valued to such an extent makes me happy.’

Tsubasa: ‘It’s not often that I  hear of said things, so I think he is not simply complimenting you, but they do really like Kitakado-san’s writing.’

Tsubasa: ‘Since it’s a rare change, would you like to try it out?’

Tomohisa: ‘You’re right….. I’m very grateful for the consideration. By going beyond acting there will be a lot of things I will be able to learn through standing on the side of production for one time in the future.’  

Tomohisa: ‘Since I like writing, I’m interested in putting together a story. If I can challenge this, it might be a really great stimulus.’

Tsubasa: ‘If so, thenーー’

Tomohisa: ‘But I will turn down the offer this time.’

Tsubasa: ‘Eh……’

Tomohisa: ‘There are many wonderful professionals in this industry. It feels wrong for an amateur like me to suddenly take part in a competition. If I participate just because of topicality, it’s rude toward the contestants that earnestly submit a script I think.’

Ryuji: ‘........’

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘Should turning down the offer become an inconvenience then that’s a different matter, however….. There’s no problem I hope?’

Tsubasa: ‘Of course, please don’t worry about it. You are right, because it’s of a different nature than your usual work, Kitakado-san’s feelings are most important regarding this matter. Then I will later inform him of your rejectionーー’

Ryuji: ‘Wait a minute, Tsubasa.’

Ryuji: ‘Say, Tomo, are you really alright with it?’

Tomohisa: ‘Ryuji…..?’

Part 2

Ryuji: ‘You actually…… don’t really think that joining the competition is rude, do you? That thinking is even more discourteous I think.’

Tsubasa: ‘R-Ryuji-kun……’

Ryuji (angry): ‘I mean it’s the truth, it’s like saying you all lose to a script of an amateur’s topicality.’

Tomohisa (baffled): ‘........’

Ryuji: ‘That producer must know that it’s natural that there will be lots of scripts from professionals. As a producer for programs even more so. Yet, he purposely gave you an offer, Tomo. Isn’t it better to think more thoroughly about the meaning of it?’

Tomohisa: ‘........ The meaning of purposely choosing me, huh?’

Ryuji: ‘Exactly. …… It’s true that Tomo may be an amateur in relation to scriptwriting. But doesn’t the feeling to try it out apply to both professionals and amateurs?’

Ryuji (upset): ‘If you seriously are prepared to work hard, then you ought to take this chance.’

(It may be the first time I see Ryuji-kun persuading Kitakado-san about work in such a manner. All the more as Ryuji-kun might feel that this work will be meaningful for Kitakado-san.........)

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘........ Thanks, Ryuji. You’re right, maybe I was a bit conceited here.’

Ryuji: ‘I- I didn’t say that........’

Tomohisa: ‘No, it’s fine. Thank you for making me realize. It kind of opened my eyes. It seems like the offer itself was unexpected for me and my mind didn’t catch up.’

Ryuji (sighs): ‘........ I thought so. It was unlike Tomo to find a reason to not accept even though you had an interest in the offer.’

Tomohisa: ‘Haha, it’s as Ryuji says.’

Tomohisa: ‘........Tsubasa, I’m sorry, but ignore my answer from earlier. Would it be fine if I think about the offer a bit longer? My own feelings included, I want to properly think about whether I have enough time to face the production.’

Tsubasa: ‘Kitakado-san........ Of course!’

Tsubasa: ‘These are the materials for the competitions. I will contact the other party, so please take your time to consider.’ ________________________

 ーAnother day. In the meeting room.ー

Tomohisa: ‘ーーHello, Tsubasa.’

Tsubasa: ‘Kitakado-san, hello.’

Tsubasa: ‘It has been one week since then....... Did you come to a decision about the scriptwriting competition?’

Tomohisa: ‘Yes. I faced myself and........ Came to a decision.

Tomohisa: ‘I want to participate in the competition.’

Tsubasa: ‘........! I’m glad to hear that........ I thought that it was a really good chance so I am happy as well.’

Tomohisa: ‘Thanks, Tsubasa. I got excited when I read the material for the competition and was able to convince myself once again that this is what I wanted to do.’

Tomohisa: ‘Besides, it’s important for us to open up new work fields from now on I think.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Fufu, I am certain that this will be a big step. If you have decided so, I need to start adjusting your schedule........ I wonder how much time you will actually need to write a script?’

Tomohisa: ‘About this…… When I read the materials I tried to write one. Won’t you look over it for me?’

Tsubasa: ‘Eh........ You tried to write a script, you said?’

Tomohisa: ‘Yes. I wanted to test to what point I’m able to write alone. I thought that it’s important to let the producer know what writings other than columns I can produce.’  

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘Since I jumped into the world of professionals, this much preparation and readiness is a must.’

Tsubasa: ‘Amazing........ But is it fine that I will read your script beforehand?’

Tomohisa: ‘Of course. If possible, I want to hear your honest thoughts and impressions on it.’

Part 3

(Kitakado-san’s first script........ Just what kind of story could it be.)

Tomohisa (laughs): ‘Since the theme was “Battle” I wrote a story with “Pirates” as the motif, which I associate with the theme.’

Tsubasa: ‘ “Pirates”........’

(So, it’s probably mainly intense action. ........ Oh, it takes place in Japan.)

(........Huh? There are........ no battle scenes. The “pirates” appearing in the story are at the checkpoint that’s on the sea.)

Tsubasa: ‘........ How strange.’

Tomohisa: ‘Hm? Is there perhaps some inconsistency?’

Tsubasa: ‘Ah, no........! This story is very interesting. The appearing characters are charming and the dialogue is lively. It’s possible to become engaged in the story because thanks to your stage directions the scenes naturally emerge.’

Tomohisa: ‘I see, glad to hear this.’

Tsubasa: ‘But ........ This work is different from the usual “Pirate story”, is it not?’

Tomohisa: ‘Haha, that may be true, indeed. Pirates are pirates, but I chose “Murakami Kaizoku*” as the motif.”

Tsubasa: ‘ “Murakami Kaizoku”?’

Tomohisa: ‘Yeah. When you hear “pirates” the image of a group that gloriously steals the treasure with showy swordplay and firefights comes to your mind. But Japan’s pirates........ The “Murakami Kaizoku” are a group that fights to “protect” the important things.’ 

Tomohisa: ‘They seem to have been a group, also called the Japanese feudal lord of the sea, that was working for the sake of “protecting” people’s lives, livelihood, and above all, the peace of the sea.’

Tsubasa: ‘So that is why they do not start a fight by themselves.’

Tomohisa: ‘Exactly.’

Tomohisa: ‘........ Modern and extreme “battles” are perhaps better suited for entertainment and entertainment for drama series. But I think “fights” aren’t not only there to mutually hurt or steal from each other. To protect what’s dear, one overcomes their weaknesses. Everyone faces this kind of “battle” everyday.’

Tomohisa: ‘I want to write the kind of story where the viewer sympathizes and is inspired, even if the time or circumstances are different, is what I thought.’       

Tsubasa: ‘A “battle” that does not leave the viewer behind........ That is incredibly like Kitakado-san. This is why you can feel a soft warmness despite the heart-breaking scenes.’

Tomohisa: ‘Fufu, if it’s how you feel, then I’m happy.’

Tomohisa: ‘It’s worth writing just because Tsubasa said that.’

(To be able to produce such a wonderful script in a mere week, Kitakado-san really is extraordinary........)

Tsubasa: ‘I would like to continue reading your script without a rush, but........ More importantly, I would like to quickly submit it to the producer. I am sure it will be more than what they expected.’

Tomohisa: ‘That’s good to hear. But if this script isn’t what they wished for, then don’t hesitate to tell me, I will rewrite it.’    ________________________

 ーAnother day. During a photo shoot.ー

Tsubasa: ‘Uhm........ Ah, Kitakado-san!’

Tomohisa: ‘What happened for you to be so flustered........ Wasn’t it a different location today?’

Tsubasa: ‘That is true, but there is something I need to tell you as soon as possible. It’s about the script the other day, I received a reply from the producer.’

Tomohisa: ‘........! What did they say........’

Tsubasa: ‘It was praised that the result was beyond their imagination. And they were pleased about the subject at hand, which was like Kitakado-san. Moreover, it will be adopted as a solo script by Kitakado-san, instead of a co-written one........’

Tomohisa (surprised): ‘Solo script?’

Tsubasa: ‘Yes! It was decided to make it into a drama, outside of the competition. It seems that it will be in the frame of a two hour special drama.’

Tomohisa: ‘Made into a drama........ This time everything really is beyond your expectations.’

Tomohisa: ‘But I’m incredibly happy about it. I wonder if it’s fine that there are no problems with the content of the script and to receive such a big chance?’

Tsubasa: ‘It looks like there will be some corrections needed, however, they said that they want to go with the content as it is. And........’

Tomohisa: ‘There is more to come?’

Tsubasa: ‘Yes. When the production of the drama happens, if possible, they want Kitakado-san to be involved with the castings as well.’

Tomohisa: ‘Me........ Involved in the castings?’

Part 4

Tomohisa (baffled): Is that true? I didn’t think it was possible for me to choose the actors.’

Tsubasa: ‘If you wish, they will move to make it come true as much as possible. For this reason, should you have a performer in mind, do not hesitate to........’

Tomohisa: ‘........ If so, then there’s one person I’d like to ask.’

Tsubasa: ‘Is that so?’

Tomohisa: ‘Since he’s a veteran, it might be difficult. However, when I was writing the main protagonist, he came to my mind. So I was thinking to myself that I would be delighted if he plays the role........’

Tsubasa: ‘In this case, it will not hurt if we let them know! The producer is eager to gather a good staff and performers as well.’

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘Thanks. ........ How do I say, there’s a mysterious feeling I have never felt before. The world I imagined inside my head becomes reality........ The actors and actresses will bring the lines I wrote to life. They’re just ordinary letters, but I’m able to witness the moment they turn into living words.’

Tsubasa: ‘Fufu, even I am getting excited myself.’

Tomohisa: ‘Tsubasa, you also read the script, is there someone you imagine to play this particular character?’

Tsubasa: ‘Let me see, I ........ Ah, before that, I have an important matter to tell you.’

Tomohisa: ‘Hm?’

Tsubasa: ‘It’s regarding the casting, they also like to ask some B-PRO members to appear.’

Tomohisa (surprised): ‘From B-PRO, too?’

Tsubasa: ‘Yes, as Kitakado-san’s name will be listed, they want at least two other names to be listed as well.’

Tomohisa: ‘I see........’

Tomohisa: ‘........’

Tsubasa: ‘Uhm........ is something wrong?’

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘Yeah........ I just thought about how it’s a bit troubling, because it’s not possible to have everyone appear, I assume? It’s a given that, no matter who I choose, they will deliver a good performance. And yet, I have to choose from them.’

Tsubasa: ‘You are right........ Choosing among the members does feel awkward. However, this is not about the quality of their acting ability. If you choose them based on whether they suit the role or not, then it should not be such a worrisome matter I think.’ 

Tomohisa: ‘That’s true........ Then........’

Tomohisa: ‘........But, what to do. The role that suits Ryuji this timeーー’

Ryuji: ‘What about me?’

Tomohisa (surprised): ‘Ryuji! What about the shooting?’

Ryuji: ‘It just finished. I heard your talk from the middle on....... Tomo, are you worrying about me by any chance?’

Tomohisa: ‘That’s.......’

Ryuji (sighs): ‘Haa....... As I thought. Listen, do you think I will sulk if I can’t appear in the drama?’

Tomohisa: ‘No, you’re wrong. It’s just that this work is my first script. Since Ryuji encouraged me so much....... Besides, I do really love Ryuji’s acting. So if I am choosing from B-PRO, I want it to be Ryuji after all.’ 

Ryuji: ‘But there’s no role for me, is there?’

Tomohisa (dejected): ‘Uh.......’

Ryuji: ‘Good grief.......’

Ryuji: ‘There must already be a set image inside Tomo’s head. You absolutely can’t stray away from it. I won’t forgive it if Tomo’s important work will be ruined by such a thing.’

Tomohisa: ‘Ryuji.......’

Ryuji (smiles): ‘And in the first place, if I was appearing in the drama Tomo penned then I’d be the leading role, am I right. The content as well must be even more refined.’

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘Heh....... You’re right, When casting Ryuji, it has to be a script that was written for Ryuji.’

Ryuji: ‘Exactly. So for now, concentrate on producing good work. That’s also part of a professional’s work, no?’

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘Yeah. Thanks, Ryuji.’

Tomohisa: ‘.......Say, Tsubasa.’

Tsubasa: ‘Y-Yes.’

Tomohisa (winks): ‘To be honest, when I was writing the script, there were characters for which members came to my mind.’

Tsubasa: ‘.......! Please let me hear about it.’

Tomohisa: ‘Thanks. Uhm....... This role is heroic, fun and soothing. Since he’s a moodmarker I was thinking of Hikaru when I was writing the script. As for the other role, he comes with honesty and seriousness who doesn’t hesitate to throw away his life for the sake of his comrades.’

Tomohisa: ‘So I think this role might suit Kazu.......’

Ryuji: ‘.......’

Part 5

ーDuring the drama production, at the beach.ー

Lighting staff: ‘Put the lighting a bit higher.’

AD: ‘The last location bus is arriving! With this all the performers for today are gathered!’

Tomohisa: ‘....... It’s the start of the filming, huh. From here on out we’ll earnestly start filming now.’

Tomohisa: ‘.......’

Tsubasa: ‘.......Uhm, Kitakado-san. Are you fine?’

Tomohisa: ‘Eh?’

Tsubasa: ‘No, somehow you looked stiff for a second....... Since we are shooting at the sea all day, you will be hit by the salty sea breeze. If you are not feeling well, please tell me right away.’

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘I’m fine. My body is fit and healthy, there’s no problem.’

Tomohisa: ‘But, perhaps....... I’m a bit nervous.’

Tsubasa: ‘Eh.......?’

Tomohisa (pensive): ‘It sure is unusual for me, I agree. I just don’t know it myself really well, this sensation I’m feeling for the first time. I didn’t feel like this when I appeared in dramas....... Is this what you call pressure?’

Tomohisa: ‘A great number of people are working to realize the script I wrote. It’s been like this ever since this project started to move. Seeing the preparation for the shooting before my eyes now....... It looks like I came to realize this fact at last.’

(For Kitakado-san, who usually is the one who calms down everyone, to be this nervous....... It’s also a first for me. The words I should be giving at this time.......)

Hikaru: ‘Uwaah~ I’m so super nervous~!!’

Tomohisa: ‘.......Hm?’

Hikaru: ‘Did you see, leader? The actress who’s standing by the location bus!’

Hikaru: ‘When I was a child I watched her dramas in the morning, she played the mother in it!? I can’t believe there would come a day where I would be co-starring with her....... Aaaah, that makes me so nervous!’

Hikaru: ‘Leader, write down lots of letters of “person” on my hand** I will drink them! I will chug them down all at once!!’

Kazuna: ‘Calm down, Hikaru. It’s not our turn yet.’

Hikaru: ‘Uuh~! I know, but.......!’

Kazuna: ‘Hm, I do understand you though. There are nothing but talented performers around here, it’s nerve-wracking. But everyone should have the same desire to produce a good drama....... Don’t let yourself be swallowed up by the atmosphere and let’s rise together.’

Kazuna: ‘Let’s fight the pressure and move forward, just like our roles.’

Tomohisa: ‘.......!’

Kazuna: ‘Ahead of overcoming your weaknesses, there’s the future. For this reason, no matter how scary it is, even if your legs are tremblingーー You need to walk without stopping.’

Hikaru: ‘L-Leader.......’

Hikaru: ‘Uuuh, you’re so cool~! I’m mesmerized~!!’

Kazuna: ‘H-Hikaru, lower your voice a bit.......’

Hikaru: ‘You’re right! It’s the lamest to lose to yourself! Alright, I’ll also do my best!!’

Tomohisa: ‘....... Haha.’

Tsubasa: ‘Fufu....... Hikaru-kun is just as usual.’

Tomohisa: ‘Yeah. Kazu as well as Hikaru, they both are strong.’

Tomohisa: ‘I....... have to become strong, too. I can’t stay like this.’

Tomohisa: ‘If I don’t fight with the same feeling as the actors and actresses as part of the crew, I can’t deliver good work that many people can enjoy.’

(....... A dignified look. Yeah....... I’m sure he will be fine from now on.)

Producer: ‘Alright, it’s time. Shall we gather once before we start filming? Kitakado-kun, come here!’

Tomohisa: ‘Yes, I will.’

Tsubasa: ‘....... Everything is going well.’

Tomohisa: ‘Yeah, then, I’ll be going.’ ______

Tomohisa: ‘....... Tsubasa.’

Tsubasa: ‘Kitakado-san? Do you need something.......’

Tomohisa: ‘No, just....... Thanks.’

Tsubasa: ‘Eh?’

Tomohisa: ‘I’m very grateful that this gives me an environment and opportunity to continue taking on new challenges. That’s why, thank you, Tsubasa.’

Tsubasa: ‘....... You are welcome. The possibilities are limitless. Let us take on all kinds of challenges from now on as well.’ 

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘Yeah. Then....... I will go fight alongside everyone.’

Tsubasa: ‘Yes! Please do so, Kitakado-san.......!’

END ______________________

* Murakami Kaizoku (村上海賊): “[....] Murakami Kaizoku was the country’s largest group of pirates. Contrary to the usual activities of pirates who loot ships for money and goods, the Murakami Kaizoku’s primary occupation was enforcing order for the safety and security of navigation, and ensuring orderly trade and distribution in the Seto Inland Sea.[....]” [Source: japan-heritage.bunka.go.jp]

** Writing the letter for “people” (人) on the palm of your hand and swallowing is something like an encouragement ritual in Japan. Perhaps you might have seen it in some anime before, like Shokugeki no Soma, or in J-Dramas. This article explains the history behind this action.

[strawberriesinmoominvalley]

how to write a panic attack

something like this has probably been made before, but i thought i’d throw my two pence in. so, here’s how to write a panic attack by an anxious mess

what is a panic attack?

a panic attack is where someone feels terrified and scared, without being in any real danger. they mainly occur with people who have anxiety disorders and/or ptsd, although they can happen to anyone.

however, a panic attack isn’t just fear. it causes a physical response. you brain perceives a threat, and goes into fight/flight/freeze. adrenaline is released, your body prepares to react. you become focused on the danger, because your brain has seen a threat and is trying to protect you from the non-existent danger.

what causes them?

panic attacks can happen for no reason, however there is usually a cause. these can be anything, from “this room is loud” to “someone just triggered me by mentioning something to do with my trauma” to “i read something about a phobia i have”. 

if someone is already stressed, or tired, or just not having a good day, that will increase the likeliness of a panic attack. something that might not cause a panic attack on a normal day might cause one on a bad day. sometimes lots of things build up until your brain can’t take it anymore. 

triggers can seem very small. for example, if you’re talking about trauma, it could be the abuser’s name, or a smell that reminds you of something. they can be things that scare a character, or a song -  anything, really. they can seem insignificant, but can cause catastrophic consequences. 

symptoms

everyone experiences panic attacks differently. symptoms are a grab bag and no two people will experience them the same. most people will experience shortness of breath and a racing heart, but apart from that it’s really up to you. the combinations can be weird and strange but hey, that’s anxiety. i’m not going to be able to list every singly symptom here, but i’ll try to list as many as i can:

crippling fear - it comes on the tin, but it can vary. sometimes you’re just terrified, sometimes it feels like nothing good is ever going to happen again, and the world is always going to feel this way. you feel impending doom and fear and it is Bad

being convinced you are going to die. there isn’t really a better way to describe this, you just know this is the end and it is awful

feeling like you are out of control. this usually comes with the more severe ones, as it can feel like you are going crazy

a racing heart - your body feels like it needs to fight or flee from something, so it is preparing to do so

shortness of breath - this is terrifying. it can feel like something is pressing into your chest, and your throat is closing up. you can choke and gasp and never feel like you have enough air. this usually causes you to hyperventilate

dizziness and feeling lightheaded - this usually comes from hyperventilating. your character may hand to sit down suddenly, or, if they’re stubborn like me and refuse to for whatever reason, just dramatically faint

feeling nauseous - most people will feel sick/have terrible stomach cramps, but not throw up. i have, but it’s happened only once

hot/cold flashes

sweating

goosebumps

chest pains - from my experience, your chest just aches and feels heavy, although sometimes it can cause you to double over in pain

crying - anyone can cry during a panic attack. it can cause them to hyperventilate worse, because it’s hard to breathe when you’re sobbing

screaming - sometimes anxiety can come out of anger. they might scream incoherently at people, and can completely wreck their voice in doing so

loss of speech - this can be awful, especially if you’re trying to communicate to someone what’s happening

shaking/trembling - everyone shakes when they’re anxious, but imagine your whole body doing it. you can’t control it, and can barely control your actions

ringing/buzzing ears - this can be mild, or to the point where you can barely hear

talking to yourself/babbling/repeating phrases - your speech isn’t going to be functional. at most, answering yes/no questions and maybe being able to partially describe what’s going on. but mostly, think “ohmygodohmygodohmygod” or “fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck”

freezing - the character might lose the ability to move anywhere. and i mean, they could be in the middle of a road and just freeze. it’s not good

pacing/fidgeting/not being able to stay still - they might throw things, jump around, might even partake in self-injurious behaviour

spiralling thoughts - even if there isn’t a trigger, the character’s inner monologue is going to loop and be incoherent. they’re going to repeat the same thoughts over and over and over. sometimes, when they’ve had it enough, they may also have the “not this again” complaint before the spiralling starts

feeling weak, like you might collapse

derealisation - feeling like everything around you isn’t real, and feeling detached from your surroundings. it feels like your in a dream-like state, or experiencing everything behind glass. it is terrifying. this can cause you to panic more, and may even hurt yourself trying to sense the world

depersonalisation - feeling detached from your body and like you aren’t real. imagine staring in the mirror and not recognise who’s staring back at you. again, terrifying and can lead to harming yourself

these aren’t even all the symptoms you can experience. there’s a lot, and can vary depending on the cause of the panic attack and the severity. for example, i tend to only derealise/depersonalise during a trauma-induced panic attack. symptoms change over time, and some symptoms may only happen during one panic attack and then never again.

writing the panic attack

now, i’m going to break this down into three sections - before the panic attack, during, and after

before the panic attack

first you need to start with the cause, which i’ve already spoken about. once you have that, you need to slowly increase the symptoms. it takes about 30 seconds for the anxiety to set in, so during that time you have to slowly introduce symptoms. if the character realises what’s going on, they may try to use coping mechanisms to stop it, or at the very least make it nicer (i’m going to talk about coping mechanisms a bit later). maybe they can feel their heart pounding, or all their senses sharpen, or their thoughts start to sharpen. it isn’t instant, there’s a build up to it.

during this time, they might run. this is extremely dangerous. they will not have the mental capacity then to think about danger. they could run into roads, hurt themselves in some way or just get lost. this is the one of the only times where a person can override the person’s wishes not to be touched (the other being if they are hurting themselves). them being safe is the highest priority.

during the panic attack

the thing about panic attacks is that they snowball. they get worse and worse until you manage to calm down or just get too exhausted to carry on. panic attacks are terrifying, but the symptoms make it twice as scary. it’s not fun.

you cannot reason your way out of them. your character is going to latch onto worst-case scenarios and nothing will ever be good again. they’re going to spiral, think of the same things over and over and over. they’re not going to think “oh no, i’m panicking”. they might have some control over their thoughts if this is their fiftieth as opposed to their third, but they’re still going to be pretty incoherent.

if this is their first one, they’re going to call an ambulance. i’m not joking. a lot of people have no idea what’s going on, and think they’re dying. it takes a few times for them to piece together what’s going on, and realise they’re having a panic attack. even if they know exactly what’s happening and it’s a regular occurrence, it is still terrifying. at one point, i was having panic attacks ever single day. i knew what was happening, but it was still awful.

the way your character can react can change how it presents. for example, if your character is stubborn, or feels like they’re “weak” because of it (which is totally untrue), maybe they’ll try to hide it. i get dizzy when i have a panic attack, and i used to hide it until suddenly i fainted. so from an external perspective, i was fine and then suddenly i was on the floor - although if someone knows you well, they can work it out regardless, so that can be a nice way to incorporate another character.

maybe your character doesn’t want to address the fact they’re having a panic attack. they could be visibly having one, but point-blank refuse to admit it. this can help show personality, while showing that they’re struggling.

panic attacks can last a few minutes. they can last hours. they are described as brief, but my shortest one has been around 20 minutes - which really isn’t short. my longest was 2 hours, and unsurprisingly, it was my worst. when you’re reaching the 45 minute mark, the format changes. then, it’s more like waves - you get really really scared and it feels awful, then you slowly start to calm down before it starts again.

after the panic attack

once the character has started calming down, whether because they’ve realised it’s been hours and they’re not dying, pure tiredness or getting symptoms under control, they are going to be exhausted.  i’ve passed out from exhaustion before. i’ve fallen asleep in awkward paces (like the middle of the street) because it is so tiring. if they’re outside/at work/school/etc. send them home (this doesn’t happen in real life much, but you can make your world a nice, supportive place). they won’t be able to do anything more taxing than making a cup of tea and cuddling up somewhere. they might not even be able to do that. they might even need someone to grab a blanket for them because the effort is too much.

most people feel more calm afterwards, but you can get awful stomach cramps from the anxiety. but most of the time, all they’re going to feel is tired. don’t put them into a battle. maybe if it’s the morning, they might be able to do something not too taxing in the evening. but most of the time, they’re going to be wiped out.

coping mechanisms

coping mechanisms 90% of the time won’t fix it. a lot of the time, you just have to wait it out. knowing what’s happening helps a lot, and if a character has experienced panic attacks a lot they might understand what’s going on. however, this isn’t always the case. i derealise and depersonalise a lot during panic attacks, but that means that a lot of the time i don’t know what’s happening. it’s terrifying. knowing is a thousand times better than not knowing what’s happening.

obviously there are many breathing techniques - for example, inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8. there are grounding techniques - 5 things you can see, 4 things you can gear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste. however, i often struggle to remember these because my brain gets pretty frazzled. but they DO work, if you want to include those.

a lot of people say you should hug someone, and to that, i have one word - NO. most people do not want to be touched in that situation, and hugging, especially if it’s a trauma-induced panic attack, could induce flashbacks and cause them more harm. some people do want to be hugged. some people want to be left alone. some people want to be guided through breathing, or given water, or talked to, or to hold a a hand. but!!!! please make your character ask. if that’s all you take away from this, just remember that you have to ask before you touch someone!

everyone copes differently, so bear that in mind

i want to include friends/family/significant others. how do i do that?

if the person is with someone who they feel responsible for, or have never reacted like this around them, they may try and hide what’s happening. this can make it worse, and it is less fun. i don’t want to have a panic attack around my younger sibling, so i try and hide it for as long as i can. so that’s something to think about.

if you want a cute moment where a s/o saves the day, this is not going to be it. a hug from someone nice isn’t going to magically cure the panic attack. hell, a hug might not even help at all. panic attacks are messy and awful. they can give them water, maybe talk to them, try to help them. honestly? the person is going to feel inadequate. there isn’t too much you can do, unfortunately, and they’re going to probably end up sitting there repeating the same few things over and over. but you know what? a love interest sticking with someone during the frightening, ugly hours of terror is sexy.

if you want cuddles, think about afterwards. as i have said, the person is going to be exhausted, and a lot of people will need comfort afterwards. they may even cry a lot, because they feel awful. if they’re not up to that, well maybe your other character can tuck them into bed, or run them a bath. you can have sweet moments, but wait until afterwards for the other to look after them.

-

there we go! i hope i’ve covered everything! if you need help writing scenes like this, message me - i’d be honoured to help!

[animeyanderelover]

I'd love to see Hashirama with prompt 74. “As long as you love me everything is alright. You…you do love me, right?”

👍.

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, obsessiveness, delusions, clinginess, angsty stuff

Prompt 74: “As long as you love me everything is alright. You...you do love me, right?”

You remembered that there had been often times where you had wished that Hashirama would just calm down since he was often a lot to deal with. He was always so clingy and the amount of affection he gave you was nearly suffocating, not to mention that you hadn’t forgotten the incident with your clothes. But that wasn’t even the biggest problem in here. No, that all was terrible too, but could be ended by a breakup. And that was the worst in here. Leaving him would be as good as impossible. Not only was there the danger of the whole village being disappointed in you as well as having his furious little bro in your neck, but Hashirama himself could possess quite the threat. He was Hokage. He had power. He could ruin you and your family’s life if he felt like and even get away with it. As much as Hashirama was a sunshine and almost a bit like a child, you had catched up onto one thing at some point into this relationship. Hashirama had a dark side to him. Everyone had, you knew that. You had one as well. But it became dangerous when this dark side was able to ruin someone else like Hashirama was. Luckily he didn’t let this side out very often, it was rarely seen because around you he was always the loving and smothering husband. But that made it also so much more terrifying if this side of him came out. Because it was almost like witnessing a nightmare in real life when seeing this man getting serious and mad.

But you had never seen him like this. He seemed so...so discouraged. So hopeless. So small. You had expected that he would be depressed after Madara had left the village, the man he had considered as his best friend. The man who he had happily introduced you to, the man who he had always stood up for, the man who had betrayed him and had attacked him. You couldn’t even image how hard this must have been for him. And the comments from Tobirama hadn’t really helped at all. He had just scolded him that he should have listened to him before and that he had been right after all about Madara. You and Mito had to literally hit him on his head to snap him out of his lecturing speech and help him realize how devastated Hashirama had looked. You had often seen him sulking about something or being depressed over more childish things. But this had only lasted for a short while, not concerning you too much at the end of the day. He had always been able to get over those small things very quickly and go back to his more goofy self. And that was the thing that had you currently worry the most. He hadn’t gone back to his old self. Instead he had been those last few days after the incident more quiet and thoughtful than usual, causing you to worry yourself almost sick over him. But the most heartbreaking thing you had witnessed so far was how needy he had suddenly gotten. It wasn’t the usual clingyness, it was almost like a desperation, a desire to know that you wouldn’t leave him like his friend had.

“Hey Hashi. What’s wrong?” Hashirama turned slightly surprised, slightly tired around when hearing your soft voice calling him. It was early morning, the sky still dark and most people would have still payed soundly asleep in bed. But not you two. When his gaze met yours he gave you a small smile. But it didn’t look like the ones he usually gave you. Of course there was still warmth and eternal love in it, but he also looked exhausted as well as if he was in pain. “Oh. Hey, darling. I didn’t want to wake you up. I’m sorry for disturbing your sleep. Go back to bed, it’s still pretty early.” You didn’t move, instead glancing with eyes filled with sadness at him. He looked so incredibly vulnerable as hunched over as he was sitting on the couch. Where was the once so energetic and always happy guy who you had so often a day called a moron because he had done something stupid? Where had that man gone? And when would he come back? You couldn’t just let him sit here and let him drown in self sorrow. You had to do at least try to do something for him. He had done so much for you too. So you slowly made your way over to the couch, slowly sitting down next to him. He didn’t react, instead staring with a hollow yet also sorrowful look in his eyes in the space, telling you what he was seeing right now before his inner eye could only be seen by him. You felt a small “pang” in your chest when seeing him spacing out like this, his eyes having lost the light they used to always have inside of them. How could you have ever thought of his personality as annoying and too much? Had you ever even considered that this might have been the reason why he had been even able to reach the position he was currently in right now? He had worked more than anybody else to establish the village and make peace with the other villages. His sometimes almost careless and easygoing looking attitude had given people always courage and hope.

But now he looked so broken, like a small child who needed protection. Or just someone who would be there for you. And if this person had to be you then you would damn well do it. Everything to get him out of his misery, the whole atmosphere in the village had already started to change and became more gloomy due to their leader being on his knees. You sighed worriedly, laying your hand on top of his. Hashirama didn’t look at you, but was quick to grab your hand and intervene his fingers with you, the pressure he put on your hand being only a bit too tight as if being scared that something might happen at the moment. “Hashirama,”, the tone you used reminded you of the one your mother used to use on you, strict yet gentle,”please look me in my eyes.” You had the feeling that he needed a moment or two before your words finally seemed to register in his brain and you almost thought that he wanted to avoid looking you in your face by the way he turned so incredibly slowly his head around to meet your gaze. He was ashamed, you could tell from the way he didn’t dare to look you in your eyes, always looking quickly down whenever he managed to look you for a short second in your eyes. You tried to give him some time to adjust, waiting patiently until he seemed to be a bit less tense than before.

“It’s not your fault, you know. I mean with Madara.” It wasn’t a very wise decision to mention his name like this, but you had to directly talk with Hashirama about this, even though he stiffened when hearing his name again. “No one blames you Hashi. Not the village, not your clan, not your brother nor Mito. And me neither. We all know you tried your best. The best might sometimes not be enough, but it’s the will that counts. You don’t need to be perfect or anything like this. It was Madara’s decision and you couldn’t have done anything to help him. I understand that it must be hard for you to live with the knowledge that your best friend turned against you and that you had to fight him. It’s a heavy burden on your soul and heart, but you aren’t alone with this. You have so many people in your life who are there for you. You just have to look out of the window and see the village, the people in there who are willing to help you. As harsh as it may sound, but you have to eventually let go of him. I don’t demand from you to erase those memories of of you and him together, but I ask you to accept that you couldn’t have done everything to stop him and to stop thinking that it’s all your fault. There are people who need you right now. So please stop being so sad and try to live with it. And if you aren’t strong enough to carry this on your own, I’m here for you just like your brother, Mito and so many more. Alright?”

Hashirama stared shocked at you, looking like he hadn’t expected you to say this. But only a short moment later the impact of what you had just said hit him. You had never seen him that emotional before which caused your heart to clench from sadness seeing him like this. You could see the visible hurt in his eyes, the feeling of not being able to do anything and prevent it from happening, the hurt of being betrayed from someone you had known for such a long time. The thing that made it even more bitter for you was that you also saw some of the emotions his eyes always used to hold for you when looking at you. The adoration and infinite love he used to have and still had for you. Together with his somewhat forced yet also thankful and sincere smile it let you feel an emotion that you couldn’t name, not knowing how to feel about the dualism of feelings displayed on his face. “As long as you love me everything is alright.” When saying this he suddenly crawled closer towards you, hugging your waist and laying his head on your lap. And you felt like your heart had just shattered in your chest, witnessing this complete action of utter desperation from his side. He had just come crawling to you like an insecure child needing comfort.

“You...you do love me, right?” You glanced down at him, looking at his eyes that begged you silently to tell him you did. What was this? Why was he doing this? Was he afraid that you would leave him too just like Madara did? Was that the reason why he was acting so needy right now? Did he need to hear that you loved him that badly? There were so many quest swirling around in your mind, but you put them all for the moment aside, focusing on the man clinging tightly onto your waist and tugging slightly on the fabric of your pajamas, wanting, needing you to answer his question. And how could you have said no to him when he was in such a fragile state like right now. “Of course I do, Hashi. I always will.”

[buckyownsmylife]

between us - chapter i

The one where Aaron hurts you, but he knows just how to heal you.

When Hotch comes home one day and takes out his frustrations on you, you’re sent spiraling into a depressive state that you were all too familiarized with. But as your boss and closest friend, he’s the only one who knows how to take care of you during a relapse. His efforts to fix the situation end up awakening a different side of him, a side that might just be precisely what you’ve been missing in a time like that.

for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist

Hotch’s P.O.V.

       I heard soft music coming from the kitchen and blindly followed it to see what I was already expecting to find. Y/N was packing up groceries while absentmindedly singing to a Billy Joel song that I distinctly recognized as “Vienna”. The realization that it could very well be about what I could say to her made the pain in my heart even harder to deal with.        “What is this?” I found myself asking, and not even the sight of her jumping up in the air from the scare I gave her woke me from the anger that had now taken over me.        “Hotch, my God, I didn’t see you there… I was just packing up some things I bought… I figured you’d be too busy at work to fill the fridge and Jack made a comment the other day that ripped my heart out, about how it was constantly empty and I just thought… I could help at least a little bit…” She dragged on, babbling about my kid, not even taking notice of the anger I was most certainly exuding. But now it was impossible for her to miss since the mention of Jack’s name and especially the revelation of how he felt about the fact that I didn’t have the time to do normal dad stuff, like buying groceries - and worse of all, that she knew about my failures as a parent - took all reason out of my mind.        “What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” I asked again, and this time the amount of venom in my words was unmistakable. I closed the refrigerator’s door with much more force than necessary, making her jump yet again, turning around to look at me with a surprised look on her face.        “Putting away… groceries?” She asked, her eyes big as she stared up at me, towering over her. In another mental state - in my normal mental state - I would have thought she looked cute like this, the confused expression on her eyes, her bottom lip in a pout as she tried to understand what was going through my head, but now, the innocence she transpired only served to make me even madder.        “Who are you trying to fool here, Y/N? Let me put it out in the open, so you can’t fake your naiveness around here anymore: you are not Jack’s mom. You will never be Jack’s mom. No amount of effort you put in making yourself needed and present in this house will replace the hole of Haley’s absence.” I watched as she took a long breath, a look of realization finally appearing in her bright eyes.        Still, she didn’t move, simply looked up at me, waiting for me to finish speaking, making me realize for a single second of sanity how absolutely crazy I looked like, yelling at a woman who was silently staring up at me, no reaction on her features.        Instead of shame, the anger rose even higher, blinding me completely.        “And no amount of time you spend here will make me want you. Get this in your head: I will never, ever want you. It doesn’t matter that you buy this fucking wine or that you try to pretend you care about Jack, you’re a fucking kid and I will never dream of fucking you.” That was a lie, of course, and the fact that I had randomly burst all of this out without any context only made the words feel heavier in the space around us. I was suddenly taken back to that night we had kissed against the same counter she was leaning on after I had succumbed to tiredness from a long day of work and found her waiting for me to come home before going to her own place since she didn’t want Jack to be alone. She had spent the entire day with him, despite the fact it was her first and only day off in ages, and for a second, as I looked at her patiently waiting for me with a glass of wine prepared as I burst through the doors, I couldn’t fight my desire for her any longer. For just that second, I allowed myself to kiss her, like I wasn’t her boss, like she wasn’t over twenty years younger than me, like I could have her, own her, and love her like I dreamed about.        As she pushed herself from the counter and walked around it to pick up her bag, leaving the rest of the groceries she had bought on top of the table, I was reminded of how she sweetly gave me one last kiss that night, saying that if I wanted to pursue whatever the hell that was, I knew where to find her the next morning, but she wouldn’t allow myself to do something that I could possibly regret that night. She would wait for me to confirm if it was something I actually wanted, and she wouldn’t say anything if I didn’t go after her the next day.        When we met at the bullpen the next day, I made the effort not to look her in the eyes, and the feeling that had overtaken me as it became clear she had understood the message couldn’t really be described as relief.        Regret was already starting to swallow me when I finally took a deep breath, a breath that brought my usual demeanor back to me. She was obviously waiting for me to do so, as she at last spoke. “I would never dream of trying to replace Jack’s mom and it was never my goal to do so. I simply like his company and it doesn’t hurt that my presence seems to help you a little bit, too. I bought the groceries only because I don’t think any kid should have to feel sad when they want to grab a little snack and they can’t find anything in the house. Both Jack and I know how demanding your job is, so we would never dream of making you feel bad for it, but contrary to him, I can actually do something about it. So I did.”       With that, she turned around to leave, before coming back and going through her purse to look for something. “Here.” It was the key I had given her after the first night I asked her to babysit him. “Oh, and the wine? It really was only because I know how tense you get after a workday, Hotch. If you want to share it with someone else, someone who can make both you and Jack happy, nothing would make me happier.” She turned around to leave once more. “Enjoy your groceries.”        And just like that, she was gone.        The fact that the door wasn’t slammed hurt way more than what I was expecting to receive, but I don’t know where that expectation came from, since not once during that entire speech - or ever before, ever since I knew her - did I see a hint of anger or resentment in her voice.        I stood there, looking emptily at the place she used to be until I heard the sounds of Jack’s and Jessica's arrival. His shout immediately woke me from my dark thoughts, reminding me I had to pretend everything was fine, if only for his sake.

[megumisbimbo]

- Five -

megumi fushiguro x reader

genre: fluff, slight angst

summary: (y/n) was nothing special. A human being who had no idea that curses walked the same earth they walked. But then they locked eyes with Megumi Fushiguro. Can Fushiguro focus on the task ahead or will he be distracted by the king of curses and his new love interest?

series masterlist

©️ @megumisbimbo — all rights reserved. Please do not repost, modify or translate my work. Reblogs and likes appreciated!

Credit for the main storyline and characters goes to Gege Akutami.

tags: @xreemie @kitkozume @noyakura @vanilnya20​ @tobi--o​

the songs are indicated throughout the story at certain points!

songs used:

i love you - billie eilish

killshot - magdalena bay

You sit in Megumi’s room, an empty box of sashimi and soda can sitting beside you. You’re on your fifth movie, silently wishing Fushiguro would come through the door and keep you company.

Your wish is granted...but not in the way you’d hoped.

Fushiguro’s beaten and broken body leans on the door frame as he pushes the door open with the only strength he has left. You run up to the door and he falls into your outstretched arms.

“Megumi! Are you ok?? What happened?!”

“(y/n)...i’m sorry...”

“Sorry? Megumi what’s going on?”

He doesn’t respond, dropping his tired head onto your shoulder. You pull him into the room and throw him onto his bed. You lightly smack his face a few times in hopes of waking him up a bit, but he’s knocked out cold. You run out the room frantically searching for Yuuji. You run into Nobara’s room and find her face in bandages.

What the hell happened.

—— i love you - billie eilish ——

You nervously sit by Megumi’s bedside, waiting for him to wake up again. After about an hour he wakes up. He sees your face and quickly sits up.

“(y/n)!”

“Megumi what’s going on!? Nobara’s face is bandaged and I can’t find Yuuji anywhere!”

He reaches a hand out and cups your cheek, wiping away the small tears that roll down your face. You didn’t even know you were crying.

“I’m scared Megumi...”

“I know, and I don’t know if there’s an easy way to tell you this, but Itadori...is not coming back...”

Your eyes widen in shock.

“What do you mean-”

“(y/n) he...he’s dead...”

You stare blankly into his eyes, processing the words that just came out of his mouth.

He can’t be.

Your eyes well up with even more tears, and they stream down your face leaving a warm trail. Your heart is racing and millions of questions are running through your mind.

“Him and Kou fought-“

“Kou?” You say, cutting him off

“...Kou...was also killed by the curse...”

The pain is too much. Your crying becomes louder and more violent. You’re shaking uncontrollably as Megumi holds onto your arms, keeping you from hurting yourself. Your eyes shoot open and your pupils begin shaking. Megumi notices and desperately tries to calm you down. He pulls you into his arms and presses your face onto the fabric on his shoulder, as you sob. He pulls away slightly, putting your face in between his warm hands. Your eyes are still shaking. Your hysteria isn’t going to let up anytime soon. He pulls your face up towards his, stopping with only a few inches between you two. You feel his hot breath on your lips. Your eyes flutter closed as you wait for Megumi’s soft lips to meet yours. He swipes his thumb across your cheek, getting rid of the excess moisture from your tears. He pulls away, panting heavily.

“Let’s sleep for a bit. There’s lots to think about and I think we would both benefit from a nap right now.” He says, unable to make eye contact.

You absentmindedly nod and fall into his arms, exhausted from crying. You rest your head against his chest, and his heartbeat gently lulls you to sleep.

You wake up a while later, unsure of how much time has passed. Couldn’t have been long if the sun is still out. You’re alone.

Where’s Megumi?

You barely make it out the door when you suddenly remember that Itadori was gone...Kou was too...

You walk back into the room feeling utterly defeated.

Wait...earlier.

Megumi.

Was he trying...to kiss you?

—— killshot - magdalena bay ——

Megumi pov:

Why did I do that.

They’re probably really confused.

What if they don’t like me back.

I shouldn’t have got that close.

But it felt so right...

“‘Live a long life’?..doesn’t mean much when you go and die yourself. Is this your first time having a partner die?” Kugisaki asks, sitting on the steps beside me.

“First time for one my age...”

“Well you’re taking it well.”

“Same to you, although (y/n) isn’t...”

“You told them already?”

“They had to find out at some point, I thought maybe they’d want to hear it from me.”

“Well I didn’t know him for that long. I’m not some simple woman who cries when someone she just met dies.” She says.

Her breathing becomes shaky and I can hear her sniffling. My eyes begin to water just a bit but I hold them back when I hear a familiar voice.

“What’s this? You’re looking more glum than usual Megumi. This a wake or something?”

“Zenin-senpai.” I respond.

“Don’t call me by my last name!-“

She’s swiftly interrupted by another familiar voice coming from behind a statue.

“Maki! Maki! You actually don’t know why they’re so down?” Panda-senpai says.

“What are you talking about?” Maki responds.

“Someone really did die yesterday! One of the first year boys!”

“Bonito flakes”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner!? Now I look like some heartless, cold-blooded demon!”

“That’s exactly how you came off!”

“Tunamayo.”

I look over my shoulder and see (y/n) coming towards us.

I guess they were going to meet the second years at some point. Might as well be now.

“(y/n)!” I say standing up to meet them.

They walk over to where I’m standing and wrap an arm around my waist, burying their cheek in my shoulder.

I wrap my arm around their shoulders and place my opposite hand on their cheek stroking it lightly.

I guess they’re not mad at me.

Nobara gets up and stands next to us, eyeing us and the position we’re currently in.

“Hm, I knew something was up.”

I give a small smile and look at (y/n) who looks lost in their thoughts. I wonder what they’re thinking about.

(y/n) pov:

You stand next to Megumi, his arm wrapped protectively around you. Tight enough to make you feel safe, but not enough to suffocate you. You gripped onto him as your thoughts take you captive once again.

“You’re supposed to try and make me feel better!!” You hear a voice say in the distance.

Who were those people? They seem to be wearing similar uniforms to you three.

“Who are those guys?” Nobara asks.

“The second year upperclassmen.” Megumi responds.

So they’re your age...

“You have to be kinder to your underclassmen.” The panda says.

Wait...the panda...talks?!?

Megumi interrupts your thoughts and starts giving a rundown on who each student is.

“Zenin-senpai is the best of all the students at wielding cursed tools.” He says pointing to the tall green-haired ponytail girl.

“Salmon.”

“That’s the cursed speech user, Inumaki-senpai. He can only speak in onigiri ingredients. And that’s Panda-senpai. There’s one more, Okkotsu-senpai, he’s the only one I can openly respect, but he’s overseas right now.” Megumi explains, looking at yours and Nobara’s confused faces.

“Wait. You’re not adding more about the panda named Panda?” Nobara responds.

You look at Megumi and nod your head in agreement with Nobara.

He sighs and looks away from both of you.

“We’re sorry about this...and when you’re in mourning. Please forgive us for that. The truth is we’d like you to participate in the Kyoto Sister School Exchange Event.” The panda says, his hands clasped together, practically begging.

“Kyoto Sister School Exchange Event? What’s that?” Nobara asks, looking to Megumi for any kind of explanation.

“It’s a get together with the other tech school in Kyoto. But isn’t it mainly for second and third years?” He asks his senpais.

“Those stupid third years are suspended right now. So you need to participate.”

Panda describes what goes on at the event, saying that it’s basically a showdown between jujutsu sorcerers from each school.

I don’t understand anything they’re talking about.

“So you’ll do it right? I mean you just had a partner die on you after all.”

You flinch at the ponytail’s comment. Megumi notices and squeezes your shoulder lightly. Both first years look at you, silently asking for permission to train and fight in this event. You smile and nod.

You wouldn’t want them to miss out on something just because of you.

“We’re in.”

AHHH uni is kicking my butt right now so i’m only going to be able to post once a week from now on :(( i’m so sorry but pls bear with me ! 

[regency-gardens]

Tethered Hearts- part 3/3- ALTERNATE ENDING

A/N: surprise! two endings! read the original ending (and the much less mainful ending here)

warnings: angst, heartbreak

word count: 1,550 

published: feb. 27. 21

series masterlist

Benedict rode through the night, going over his speech countless times until he was sure he could say it backward. Sleep evaded him despite the carriage being quite comfortable; His nerves and the bumpy dirt roads kept him awake. He eventually forced himself to focus on something other than the disaster of his love life and he took to sketching, as usual. 

Drawing within the last few weeks was nearly impossible for him. He could never focus long enough or he was never pleased with the product. his hands never seemed to corporate. This time he tried to draw something that he thought would make him feel happy, at least for the time being. He started to draw two hands intertwined and imagined it was his and y/n, wearing wedding rings. All this did was remind him of how happy he could have been if he hadn't been so selfish.

The Y/L/N country home was a sight to behold. It overlooked a small lake surrounded by trees that provided a home to countless wildlife. The garden was home to a variety of wildflowers and shrubs with lemon trees dotted about. The front of the home was a beautiful work of masonry with climbing vines reaching up the first story and balconies decorated with even more greenery. Stone steps lead down to the lawn where the gardeners worked tirelessly on the upkeep of the statues and fountains in the middle of a circular cobbled walkway. It was a welcoming, lively home, but the sight of it made Benedict's stomach do backflips. She was so close.

The early morning sun was just beginning to peek above the horizon, illuminating the foggy countryside. The birds were chirping and roosters could be heard faintly in the distance welcoming the new day. A long inhale of the fresh morning air seemed to settle benedict’s nerves just a little. He wiped his sweaty palms on his trousers and tried to fix his hair as best he could. It was bad enough he was bothering her so early and unannounced, he could at least look presentable. The tired eye bags would make that difficult. 

Meanwhile, in the Y/L/N home, y/n’s maid was just waking up when she heard the faint sound of approaching horses. She peeled back the drawing-room drapes and saw the black Bridgerton carriage quickly approaching.

“Oh my! Miss y/n!”

She ran down the hall and up the stairs as fast as her legs could carry her. She burst through y/n’s bedroom doors, panting. Yn, having been startled awake, sat up confused. Benedict's letters were still scattered around the bed.

“What on earth? Marta, what’s happened?”

“He’s here! Mr. Bridgerton is here!” y/n’s throat went dry and she immediately sprang from the bed and rushed to the window just in time to see the carriage door come to a stop at the steps. Without a second thought, she ran as fast as she could downstairs, not even taking the time to put on shoes. 

Benedict took a deep breath before reaching for the handle of the carriage. With a final rush of courage, he hopped out. At the same time, y/n appeared through the front doors and stopped at the top of the steps. She was looking down at him and suddenly he forgot everything he wanted to say. She was ethereal. The sight of Her long white nightgown and wild hair was something he had never seen before and he couldn’t get enough. 

There was a silence as they waited for each other to say something. When it became clear she wasn’t going to say anything, Benedict cleared his throat.

“I'm sorry to have bothered you so early in the morning. It couldn’t wait.”

Her expression was unreadable and it further worsened his nerves. 

“I realize you probably don’t want to speak with me ever again. Your ignoring of my letters made that clear enough but I couldn’t give up just yet and I think Eloise would have my head if I didn’t try one last time-”

“I wasn’t ignoring your letters.”

He paused, surprised.

“Until last night I didn’t know they even existed. My father hid them thinking they’d do more harm than good. I stayed up half the night reading them.” Her voice was soft and shaky. He clung to every word.

“Then you know. You know why I'm here. You…” he sighed in exasperation, his throat began to ache from holding back the tears he’d been fighting for so long. His voice was cracking and shaky but he couldn’t stop the words flowing from his heart.

 “You are the blood in my veins and the breath in my lungs; you are my reason for living, for waking up every damn day. I hurt you so badly and I hate myself for it. I will always hate myself for it. I had the most wonderful woman in the world by my side and I threw it away. I am a weak man. I am weak but you make me strong and I am not ashamed to say that I need you. I need you, I need you, I need you and I will never not need you and I will never stop loving you. You owe me nothing. I know that. You have no reason to ever trust me again. I know that. But I’ll be damned if I don’t try-if I don’t get on my knees and beg you for one more chance. I don’t deserve it. you could turn around and leave me forever and I would not blame you. But right here, right now, I need to know- I am begging to know if there is any possible way that you still love me because I cannot spend another moment wondering. So please, my darling, my love, my life… is there any chance that you still love me too?”

They were both crying, thoughts running around their heads at the speed of light. Benedict, during his speech, had taken a few daring steps towards her and now stood at her feet, peering up into her glossy eyes. Slowly, hesitantly, y/n’s warm hand cupped his cheek, and just like that night so long ago, he leaned into its warmth. This was the first he’d ever touched her soft hands and it sent chills down his spine. His own hand reached to hold hers, keeping it from moving. She wiped away his tears with her thumb.

“ I am so ...so sorry.” His words were a mere whisper. 

She was at war with herself. Trusting him again could lead to complete heartbreak once again, but could also lead to some of the happiest days of her life. Maybe a fresh start was what they needed- a second chance. But maybe it was time to set this love free.

“benedict…” his heart raced at the sound of his name on her lips,”

It would seem that I have the grave misfortune of having my heart tethered to yours. No matter how far you throw me, I'll always come back to you. It scares me.”

He frowns, the pit in his stomach growing with his anticipation. She removes her hand from his face, backing away. His heart shatters.

“I will always love you, benedict. But I cannot let you play with my heart again. I cannot risk spending the rest of my life wondering if you still love me. So, I think it best for the both of us, that we end this for good.”

“y/n please… don’t do this.” his voice cracks and she tries to stifle a sob.

“You will find someone else one day, Benedict, and you will love them so much you will forget all about me. All I ask of you is that you allow it to happen. Let me go, and learn from this. That way this pain will not have been in vain.”

“I love you…” he pleads but she shakes her head, unable to look him in the eye. 

“Goodbye.” sobbing, she turns and runs back inside, into the arms of her family who watched it all happen from the window. 

Benedict, with all the strength he could muster, climbs back into his carriage and leaves the Y/L/N estate for the final time. 

The next few months are hard for them. The hardest thing they've ever had to go through. Benedict, especially, has trouble feeling even the slightest bit normal and it takes nearly three months before he can leave his home.

But in the end, y/n was right. Within the next few years, while the pain is still there for both of them, they are finally ready to move on. 

Two years later, y/n meets someone in Italy while traveling with her brother and sister. He reminds her a lot of Benedict, which is probably why it was so easy to fall in love with him. They are married in the fall and happy lives together. Benedict is a bittersweet memory.

Benedict eventually finds himself a wife by the name of Sophie and he loves her with everything he has in him. Not forgetting y/n’s last words to him, he makes sure to never make his old mistakes. 

Though they are not together, they will always love each other. Soulmates meant for another life.

________________________________________________________________

[kbstories]

noodle soup (a little KRBK sick fic)

The squad thought they knew their beloved Blasty was a bit of a feral-type mom friend… until Kirishima got sick from one day to the next, and they witnessed the full extent of how overbearing a worried Bakugou can be. At first Kirishima plays up the whining because, well, he’s sick and that sucks, and hogging Bakugou’s attention is nice and makes everything suck less.

It’s a tactical mistake.

Suddenly, absolutely nobody is allowed close to Kirishima ("Or d’ya fools wanna get sick too, hah?!"). Kirishima’s room becomes a biohazard zone guarded by 1-A’s very own Dynamight akin to Cerberus at the gates of hell.

The thing is: Kirishima is still allowed to do everything he wants. He gets away with demanding hugs (even if Bakugou pointedly leans his masked face away when they snuggle up), or marathon his favorite TV series Bakugou insists actively kills braincells. When Kirishima wakes up coughing and groaning miserably, Bakugou is there to force some cold medicine on him as well as the home-made broth that happens to have those noodle letters Kirishima not-so-secretly finds delightful.

It’s fun until it gets a little claustrophobic. Kirishima is used to working out daily, and hanging out with most of 1-A in some shape or form throughout the week. Being locked in his room is making him antsy in a way that even the virus wreaking havoc on his body can’t dispel.

"Bakuuu", goes Kirishima on day three. "You know I love you, right bro? And that hanging out for all eternity is like, manly as hell—"

Bakugou’s eyes narrow over his mask. He aggressively folds a wet towel and shoves it — deceptively gentle — against Kirishima’s brow. "But?"

"I miss the others, dude! Have you seen Denks blowing up the group chat? This is giving him separation anxiety and stuff."

"Sparks isn’t a fucking dog, he can deal."

"And what about Mina? She needs our combined intel or her gossip operation will suffer!"

"Gossip?! I don’t gossip, you do."

"Fine but like, Sero—"

"Just say you’re tired of me and go!"

Only when Bakugou yells those words does Kirishima realize he’s been actually keeping his voice down when around him. And sure, Kirishima’s aching head had appreciated that — the volume is all the more jarring now.

"Huh?!"

With a glare, Bakugou puts pressure on the towel until Kirishima gets the memo and holds it himself, watching the other get to his feet and start to pace.

"Or— Fucking don’t, your stupid ass is still sick. I’m going. You stay in that bed, Kirishima Eijirou, or so help me—"

Kirishima sputters, "But, dude! I meant like, letting the squad in, not— I wouldn’t get tired of you, I don’t think I can."

"Save it", hisses Bakugou, whirling around on his way out. "Fuck you! And there’s lunch in your mini fridge!"

Then he’s gone.

Continuing to dutifully hold the towel to his too-hot face, Kirishima gapes at his closed door. It takes him a good minute or two to one-handedly text the others not to cross Bakugou’s path.

Then he sits in the sudden silence and misses his best friend.

*

Bakugou stays away for the duration of Kirishima’s sick leave.

It’s a little dramatic, admittedly, especially because (a) they live next to each other, and (b) food seems to magically appear at Kirishima’s doorstep for every meal. His bro is sneaky when he wants to be, though, so Kirishima knows it’s pointless to try and catch him in the act, or even attempt an apology.

(That doesn’t stop him from doing it anyways or from hoping he’ll succeed, of course.)

Guilt keeps Kirishima from using his new-found freedom for anything other than watching TV, finding the comfort lacking even from episodes he knows by heart.

By the time he’s back on his feet, Kirishima has a plan to hunt down the ever-elusive Bakugou and clear things up. And by 'plan' he totally means camping out in front of Bakugou’s room until he shows up. So what if Kirishima is feeling a bit wobbly from residue sickness? He’s a man on a mission, and once Kirishima has made up his mind about something, there is no turning back.

Even when the Bakugou that finally shows up around midnight is looking about as exhausted as he feels. Leaving the fact aside that it’s hours past Bakugou’s bedtime, he looks… weirdly subdued. In actuality, he doesn’t even seem to realize that Kirishima is on the floor, back against Bakugou’s door, until Kirishima pipes up with an uncertain:

"Bakubro?"

Bakugou damn-near startles, blinking and letting his gaze roam until it falls on him. The immediate frown that follows makes Kirishima wince. Yup, alright, Bakugou is still pissed.

"The fuck d’you want?" asks Bakugou in the same moment Kirishima offers, "You good, man?"

Another awkward moment of staring. Kirishima gets up to level the playing field a bit, the elaborate speech he’d thought up blown away by how hazy Bakugou’s eyes are. Oh no.

"You look a bit pale there, Kats. Sure you’re feeling alright?"

"Fine", comes the predictable reply. Bakugou shoves Kirishima aside with half the force he usually would and okay, uncharted territory here.

Because Bakugou definitely caught the virus from Kirishima.

"How about we, dunno, skip the part where you pretend I didn’t manage to get you sick and you let me help you out too?"

There’s hope in Kirishima’s voice. In retaliation, Bakugou’s glare is double as venomous (even if his flushed cheeks maintain a certain softness there too).

"How about you go hang out with the rest of the idiots and leave me alone?"

Yikes. Kirishima shuffles on the spot a little, "You didn’t deny it, though", wanting to reach out but kind of enjoying having un-exploded limbs, as well.

"Kirishima."

Hrghh, definitely still hurt, too. Kirishima whines and leans against the frame of Bakugou’s door, not standing in his way but not letting him go without a fight, either.

"I’m sorry, bro, seriously, I am! I didn’t mean to complain when you were working so hard. Didn’t mean to sound like I don’t appreciate you having my back, either, but I did and just… Couldn’t ask for a better friend, y’know? You being all overprotective about me and stuff, I’m really honored!"

"Kirishima", Bakugou grits out.

Kirishima grins. "Just tellin' the truth."

Huffing out, "I’ll show you truth", Bakugou scowls at this own threat. Probably not murder-y enough. "Whatever. You done? I’m fuckin’ beat."

The worry in Kirishima’s heart returns with a vengeance. Bakugou, openly admitting he’s tired? He must be feeling pretty bad already.

"Okay, yeah, I’m letting you sleep. Just— Lemme get you some of those pills before you do? And like. I’m totally bringing you breakfast in bed, Kats, just a heads-up!"

That gets a scoff out of Bakugou, undeniably amused. "Do me a favor and don’t burn anything, will ya?"

Kirishima beams at the unspoken go-ahead, saluting before rushing to grab the meds Bakugou got him not too long ago. There’s no way he won’t ace this rare chance of taking care of Bakugou.

He learned from the best, after all.

[graceverse]

Here Be That EniKao Fic I Told You All About

Please note that this is post "The Final" movie. This happened around 2 months after Kenshin and Enishi's fight. AND OH MY GOD, this is my first RK fic since what? 2017?! It has happened and I would like to thank Mackenyu for making this possible. LOL.

--------------

An Unexpected Invitation

Winter and spring had passed quietly without much excitement. Which was exactly what the occupants of the Kamiya Dojo, and indeed the residents of Tokyo, needed. After much turmoil from the previous year, the quiet restful months have allowed everyone to heal from their wounds.

Physical injuries were all but gone now. No one was wearing any bandages, no one was limping around, clutching a broken shoulder or needing a change of bloody bindings.

Megumi has finally been able to get a decent enough stock of bandages and ointment for the actual patients of the Ouguni Clinic. A feat she didn't think was possible especially since everyone seemed to have been incapacitated in the aftermath of Yukishiro's Jinchuu.

"You're all a troublesome bunch." She told them when she'd given everyone a clean bill of health. She haughtily tossed her hair, looking imperiously down at them. "Next time, you're replacing everything that you'll use up in the clinic."

"Just let Sano take you out for dinner as payment." Yahiko suggested. Boldy too, since he had never really tried teasing Megumi before.

Megumi didn't seem to mind as she actually winked at him before turning to give Sano a look. "Dinner, eh? Sagara Sanosuke can afford dinner?" If she had any eyebrows, it would have disappeared up into her bangs. But the curl of her lips was enough to let Sano know that she was merely teasing him.

"Jou-chan would lend me money, right Jou-chan?" He sidled up to her, elbowing her and making faces that Kaoru supposed was meant to make him look like an adorable puppy, but failing miserably with the still darkened bruises on his face. His spiked-up hair did nothing to help his cause.

"I will most certainly not!" Kaoru indignantly crossed her arms, sending both Sano and Megumi a glare.

"I'd rather that Kenshin take me to dinner, ne Ken-san?" Cool hands snaked around his arms and Kenshin was quick to jump away from Megumi's clutches.

"Why you-"

"Maa, maa -" Kenshin said, raising his hands, trying to prevent unnecessary bloodshed.

As usual, they all ignored him; insults and intimidations of violence were quickly tossed around which ended when Kaoru actually promised Sanosuke that she will give him the money he needed just to shut Megumi up and make her stop acting so inappropriately towards Kenshin.

To which Megumi had answered with a laugh, sultry enough to make both Kaoru and Sano blush. Chaos ensued and Kenshin reveled in the happiness that stirred inside of him as he watched his friends chase each other, threatening murder and all sorts of physical pain.

It was good to be back.

-----------

All traces of the violence and destruction from last winter was gone. It was as if it that night of chaos and fire, explosions and screams piercing through the night, the ghostly air balloons silently stalking the sky had become more like a nightmare that had faded away.

It was now the height of summer, the humidity so unbearable that even when Kaoru had changed the schedule of her classes to the hour of the hare, ("too damn early, busu!" Yahiko had complained), by the mid-morning everyone was drenched with sweat, limp and tired.

Classes were dismissed by noon which gave her ample time to take a long, cooling bath and sit at the engawa eating watermelons while watching Kenshin do the laundry or the gardening or whatever household chore he fancied for the day.

Today however had been hotter than usual and Kaoru briefly wished that she was alone at the dojo so she could changed into something more lightweight, like a yukata.

A slightly opened yukata.

She missed those days when she could just lie down, arms and legs thrown around and not have a care in the world about propriety. It was a constant learning process and test of patience living with two grown men and a young boy on the verge of manhood.

She could not understand how her father had dealt with so many hotheaded, pigheaded, sweaty, untidy – well, except for Kenshin – scoundrels.

Ugh!

Sighing heavily, she closed her eyes, leaning her head against one of the columns of the engawa, her socked feet listlessly swinging at the edge. If only there was tiny little breeze to alleviate this heat. She wanted very much to loosen the summer kimono that she was wearing.

She'd been planning on going to The Akabeko later. It was the only reason why she had dressed up today. Tae-san had promised her that she'd prepare anmitsu and Kaoru could already taste the sweet red bean paste inside her mouth, but as the day progressed it had become too hot that she could barely move from her spot.

Even Kenshin had decided not to do any outdoor activity, quietly sitting beside her instead. Apparently feeling the same kind of stupor that had descended upon them.

It was the kind of heat that robbed you of thought and speech and Kaoru had been imagining dipping into a tub filled with ice cold water when the sound of bells and sirens blasted through the tepid air.

Another fire.

There have been small conflagrations around the city, what with the heat and people being addled by it, someone was always bound to fall asleep with a lit cigarette or mothers too distracted by the heatwave would leave matches lying around for bored children to play with. Easily put out without much fuss but when she'd look up, startled by the sound, she could see dark plumes in the sky, getting bigger by the second.

"It looks like that's from the docks." Kaoru murmured, sitting up straight.

"That it does, Kaoru-dono." There's an almost sleepy quality in Kenshin's voice, low and raw from not having spoken for a quite a while, but she sensed his alertness as he stood up, grimly looking at the cloud of smoke that had impossibly become larger at such a short amount of time. Before Kaoru could say anything, Kenshin had stepped off the engawa, already sliding his zori on.

"Kenshin-" she had started to stand up as well, but Kenshin had placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, stilling her.

"Please stay here, Kaoru-dono. It is too hot, that it is. Yahiko and I will go check if we could be of any help." His eyes are narrowed, an unpleasant thought obviously occurring to him but Kaoru didn't think that a fire, a safe distance from their home, should be of any concern.

"Don't over exert yourself Kenshin." She told him, the warning tone in her voice softened his eyes, the corners crinkling as he very visibly tried not to smile.

"I mean it, Kenshin." She added a little more firmly, fighting the urge to grab on to the ends of Kenshin's hair and pull on it just to show him how serious she was. "Absolutely no running inside burning buildings. None of that foolishness. I forbid it, Kenshin."

Kenshin's eyes gleamed at her. "Aa, Kaoru-dono, this one promise to stay behind the police line, that I do."

A blatant lie. The insufferable jerk. But Kaoru was too tired to argue and she only gave him her mightiest glare, one that was enough to make Sano squirm.

It apparently does not work on Kenshin as he merely reached out to briefly pat the top of her hand, his fingers lingering for just a few second more and Kaoru suddenly felt all hot inside. Like she had swallowed a whole taiyaki fresh from the oven and now it was idly swimming inside her stomach. She felt her whole face heating up and was rewarded with a genuinely amused smile from Kenshin who had leaned forward, just a fraction of an inch, head bowed down that she couldn't even see his eyes.

She felt herself freeze, her heart stuttering inside her chest. Kenshin seemed to have sensed this as he slowly, almost languidly, pulled back, the same amused smile still on his face before murmuring a quick goodbye.

She reluctantly let him go, trying not to worry so much as she watched as Kenshin waiting for Yahiko by the gate, ready to provide some much-needed assistance to the Tokyo Police.

Once they have closed the gate behind them, Kaoru sent a quick prayer to Kami-sama that no one was hurt from the fire and that her boys would come back unharmed.

She let her lids drop, trying to recapture that emotion she had felt when Kenshin had nearly invaded her private space. He'd never done that before…she wondered if it was brought upon the heatwave or something that he had seen in her face – when she had been imagining tugging at his hair…

Kaoru took a deep breath her eyes suddenly snapping open as she realized that she was finally alone. She let out a lazy smile as she pulled on the collar of her kimono, loosening it a bit. She let herself lay down, sprawled on the engawa, enjoying the little comfort it gave her.

--------

A shadow loomed over her.

It took her a second to realize that she had fallen asleep and the presence of someone looking down made her sit up, grabbing the nearest object she could reach to use as weapon: it was an emptied tea cup, utterly useless but she threw it with all of her might, hoping that in her still half-asleep state, her aim would be good enough.

It wasn't.

A hand caught it with ease and then a glint of light caught her eyes as she stared up into the face of Yukishiro Enishi, casually staring down at her as he pushed the bridge of his eyeglasses up to his nose, his other hand crushing the tea cup in his fist.

Kaoru let out a small gasp, realizing that that was her favorite and most expensive cup. Kenshin always took great care when handling it and now it has been turned into dust.

The indignant scream of rage that had wanted to escape her throat was swallowed down as Enishi wordlessly tossed something at her feet, it made a soft sound as it hit the wooden floor. Scrambling to sit up she glared at the object only to find out that it was Tomoe-san's diary.

She frowned and then slowly turned to look up at Kenshin's possibly deranged brother-in-law, now apparently escaped from prison, fugitive brother-in-law.

This could not be happening to her.

"I'm dreaming." She muttered darkly, more to herself, ignoring the man standing before her. She reached out to touch the diary, but pulled her hand at the last minute, her fingers curling in mid air before digging into the plump flesh of her palms. "I just need to wake up and everything will be fine." She closed her eyes, wondering rather inanely, if closing one's eyes would work when trying to wake up, wasn't she supposed to be doing the opposite? But -

Enishi was not cooperating. "I've read it." He told her, breaking the silence and forcing her to once again open her eyes, back to the dream. He was looking at her as though they were having some conversation that she had missed entirely because, what?!

"What?" She asked, equal parts perplexed and irritated at her inability to wake herself up.

"Nee-san's diary. I read it like you told me to." Enishi's voice held the same quality as Kenshin's earlier. A low rumble that sounded too unused and raw. Like those were the first words he had uttered since the last time she had seen him at his ruined garden, clutching at his stomach, sobbing Tomoe's name. He looked strangely normal all things considered. He was wearing an unusually bright orange Chinese robe that made Kaoru squint.

Kami-sama. She brought her hand to the side of her head, pressing hard, feeling suddenly lightheaded.

And then completely out of nowhere, in an almost toneless, disinterested voice, Yukishiro Enishi asked her: "Are you married now?"

Again, "What?!"

Enishi frowned at her. "Am I not making myself clear, Kamiya-san?" Now he was impatient, the tone of his voice changing into something that sounded suspiciously patronizing.

Kaoru absolutely hated being treated like she was a child. "Shut-up." She hissed at him. "What are you doing here?"

Enishi made a displeased sound at the back of his throat, "Why is your kimono open, Kamiya-san?"

Why is my -?

Kaoru felt her left eye violently twitching before letting out a shrieked loud enough to disturb their neighbors, it was a wonder no one came rushing in to check if she was alright. Kaoru had the presence of mind to clutch at her kimono, closing the tiniest of gaps that Enishi deemed improper. The stupid jerk. He couldn't have seen anything.

She took a deep breath, both hands clenching into tight fists as she gathered all of the swearwords Sanosuke had taught her and was about to let Enishi have them when something inside her head clicked.

She blinked up at her former captor who looked almost friendly, if it weren't for the stoic expression on his face that might actually surpass the permanently emotionless face of Shinamori-san. "The fire, that was you?!"

Enishi merely shrugged, untroubled by her accusation. "It was an old, hideous building. Abandoned." He added when Kaoru opened her mouth to protest, "I did Tokyo a favor."

A favor?! Kaoru wondered how exactly Enishi's head worked. How was deliberately burning a building –

"It was the green one with the stupid yellow door." He explained further, seeing the balled-up fists that Kaoru was shaking at him.

Kaoru saw the building inside her head and winced. It was incredibly ugly and she had complained about it to Tae-san about how much of an eye sore it was and she wished someone would just burn it to the ground but hadn't meant it literally!

She suddenly jumped up when she noticed Enishi stepping into the engawa.

Going into her Chūdan-no-kamae stance, her left foot just a few inches behind her right foot, her left heel elevated, hip thrust forward. Her shoulder was too tense though and she had to concentrate, trying to relax her shoulders.

She took deep breaths, readying herself for any attack. She didn't have her bokken with her, dammit, but she wasn't going to be taken without a fight. Not again. Never again. If she had to claw out Enishi's eyes or shove his glasses to his eyeballs, she'd do it.

"Stay back." Kaoru hissed at Enishi as he took another step towards her. "I will not let you take me again."

Enishi frowned at her. "Take you? Why would you think I'd want to take you?" He asked in a tone that suggested something entirely different to Kaoru, she just didn't know what, which further annoyed her. This was too weird to be a dream.

Yukishiro Enishi was really here. Again. In her dojo. And he made damn certain that no one was with her but he didn't want to take her.

Why couldn't Kenshin's brother-in-law be Yahiko's age?! She'd have a better way of dealing with that instead of this brown eyed, six feet, bulging muscles of insanity - Kaoru shook her head, clearing her thoughts. "What do you want then, you creep?"

Enishi merely raised his eyebrows, a dark severe line, in complete contrast to his disheveled white hair. "Is this how you normally react when asked if you're already married?"

Kaoru's jaw dropped. A hummingbird can probably fly inside and make a nest inside her mouth. She quickly clamped it shut before, letting out a battle cry: "You jerk! That's not of your business!" She lunged at Enishi, who smoothly slid out of her way and she tried another attack, swiping her feet from underneath him, which he also dodged by jumping away from her. He backed into the dojo and Kaoru followed, grabbing a bokken. Finally, a weapon she could use. She grinned in triumph and prepared to attack once again.

The bastard didn't even break a sweat as he effortless avoided her blows – and if he hadn't, she would've cracked his head. The whistling sound her bokken made every time she swung it towards Enishi filled the air.

Still, he sidestepped, graceful and damn it, oh so elegantly. It was almost as if he was dancing, his feet light and silent.

"Kuso, stay still!" Kaoru ordered, completely losing her patience, panting like a wild boar.

And the stupid fucking Yukishiro smirked at her.

Smirked! She was going to wipe that off of his beautiful face.

Wait.

WHAT?!

"I take it you aren't married yet." Enishi finally said, stepping into the line of her attack.

Gotcha!

But of course, like before, his hands clamped around her bokken, snatching it from her with restrained viciousness and throwing it somewhere against the wall where it noisily clattered.

Completely unperturbed by the events, Enishi then very casually asked her, "Do you want to go to Shanghai with me, Kamiya-san?"

And Kaoru thought, not for the first time in her life, that she was cursed to deal with incorrigible men that she would very much like to whack with her bokken.

Mou!

------------

Author's Note:

And that is what I have so far. I don't know what to do with it. Anyway, tell me what you think. This fic is borne out of the sheer frustration of The Final and how Jinchuu Arc, which I am now calling the Cursed Arc for obvious reasons– had been - watered down seems too kind, ne?

But I'll rant some more if I can manage to have a second chapter up. Maybe.

Lastly, I typed this all up really fast while pretending to work so, if there are any typos, annoying grammatical errors, I promise I'll come back and try to fix them. I hope.

Translations and notes:

The hour of the hare: 6:00 a.m.

Anmitsu is a traditional Japanese dessert, traced back to the Meiji era (1868 to 1912). It consists of cubes of agar jelly, which are made using water and/or different fruit juices. Typically served in a bowl, with toppings like slices of fruit and sweet red bean paste. The dessert is also served with a sweet black syrup, kuromitsu,(the -mitsu in anmitsu) that's poured over the treat just before you enjoy it.

Taiyaki - Fish shaped cakes filled with anko (red bean paste)

Chūdan-no-kamae is the middle posture used in kenjutsu. The most basic stance, it allows for a balance between attacking and defense. When performed correctly, the practitioner's trunk and right wrist are protected

[obae-me]

The Demons Inside- Part 3

Part 1 (Lucifer)     Part 2 (Mammon) 

Word Count: 2185

Description: Levi’s Part of the request “The brothers reacting to an MC crying suddenly in front of them and then trying to act as if nothing happened”

Levi had been waiting for tonight. He’d been antsy about it for days, anticipating it so immensely, he was jittery. Although, it’s entirely possible his twitches and little shakes were thanks to the many energy drinks he had downed today. No matter. He needed to be fully awake and aware in the present. Today he would be spending every hour with the resident human. His Henry, MC. 

Envy had nearly driven him mad these past few weeks. MC had done nothing but spend seemingly every precious moment with one of his brothers. Everyone but him. And he knew why, it wasn’t hard to guess. Lucifer was perfect in every way. Mammon--despite his general scumminess--was fun to be around. Satan was vastly intelligent. Asmo was gorgeous and friendly. Beel was strong and supportive. Belphie was relatively calm and clever. And him? Well, he was an eccentric shut in. But despite all that, MC had made sure to hang out with him today, on a day where they both knew no one would be around to bother them. 

He jolted out of his frantic thoughts as soon as a knock could be heard from the door. Usually, he’d have his visitor answer, but he was aware of who it was, and he was so excited to get on with their activities he had no patience for his many passwords. Swinging the door open with quite a wild look in his eyes, MC appeared a bit startled. Levi, feeling embarrassment seep into his bones over his eagerness, had his face flush a bright red. Adjusting to his normal sheepish behavior let MC smile, holding up some grocery bags he could see were filled with a plethora of snacks and drinks. 

“Sorry I’m a bit late,” MC apologized as Levi held the door open for them to enter his room. “Not only did I buy some snacks, but I had to shoo away my chauffeur.” 

Levi shook his head, his long bangs threatening to cover his vision. His core sin threatened to burn at the thought of, again, any sibling other than himself hanging out with MC. Maybe he had wanted to go to the store to buy snacks, so why did MC not ask him? You hate the grocery store, you know that, he reprimanded himself. “No worries, it gave me time to clean my room a bit!” Levi pushed his intrusive thoughts to the back of his mind as he gestured proudly at his now immaculate room. Trash was devoid from the floor, old clothes were put in the laundry bin-- “And I even dusted off all my figures!” To prove his claim, he snatched a frilly figure off one of his many shelves, holding it out to MC as they observed it. 

They beamed at him, forcing a persistent flutter in Levi’s chest. “It looks great!” Levi noticed something lacking from their expression, like they seemed a bit drained. This urged him to take the items from them and shut his door before the human could think of leaving. Was that faded smile due to him? Had they not been looking forward to this as much as he had? Did they not want to be here? Panic made it hard for him to breathe, but he handled it as best as he could as he pulled up a second chair to his desk for the human to sit in. MC’s eyes flickered over his fancy monitors and equipment, slightly transfixed by all the pretty lights. 

“I’ve got lots of things planned, if that’s okay,” Levi told them, the confidence in his voice wavering. The last thing Levi wanted was for himself to blow this fun day with something stupid. 

They nodded to assure him, and while their smile might’ve still shown hints of something more, Levi’s panic melted away. “Of course! What’re we doing first?” 

Too giddy for words, he opened a game on his desktop, doing his best to explain the rules to MC as he handed them a controller. It was some kind of online fighting fantasy game, and while there were many like it, Levi promised that this was the best of the bunch. They both settled in, picking their characters. Without a second thought, Levi picked his; a bright colored female character with a glowing staff and too many bows on their clothes to be considered natural. 

“This is Luma, she’s my main! Who’re you choosing?” Levi squirmed in his seat, ready to get started. 

“I don’t know...there’s so many to select from...I’ll just pick someone random for now,” MC shrugged, clicking on the first character that caught their eye. Not wanting to waste any more time, Levi set up a lobby for their matches. 

Everything had gone fine...at first. Of course, MC kept dying, but Levi assured them it was their first time playing the game, and the character they had picked was set at a larger difficulty than others. The human nodded and pushed forward. The first match ended with MC getting no kills, stacking up the most deaths, and looking at Levi’s score in shame as the demon had racked up more K.O.s than any other player combined. 

MC laughed sheepishly, letting the controller settle languidly in their hands. “Guess I’m no good at this game.” 

A pang of something familiar flashed through their eyes, and Levi felt the pain. “Not true! Here, try this character, they’re ranged and a little op, so you’ll be just fine!” They started again, Levi bursting forward from the starting point, already landing a triple kill. Meanwhile, all MC got ten seconds away from base was a magical explosion to the face, killing them rather instantaneously. The further they went forward, the more MC’s shoulders slumped. The more they died, the more the fun light they had started with drained in their eyes. At one point, after MC had gotten nuked right after they respawned, their character stopped moving. Levi glanced to the side, watching as MC placed the controller away from them on his desk as they used their hands to cover tears starting to drift down their face. 

Panic flared in his chest again, his skin prickling. He practically threw his own controller away from him, turning in his fancy gaming chair as he placed his hands on their knees. “What?! What happened? What did I do? Oh no, you hate me now, right?” As they sniffled and sobbed, his lungs felt themselves shrink smaller and smaller, air struggling to get in. The match ended, and before it could automatically have them play again, he turned to the screen to leave the lobby. Fumbling with the cursor, he ended up closing the game altogether instead of trying to remember where the Leave Match button was. Swiveling back to look at the human, he blinked in confusion when their eyes were dry and their grin was fully repainted on their lips. 

“MC? But you were--” 

“--Oh, it was nothing, I had an eyelash in my eye. Want more snacks?” They interrupted him as well as quickly changing the subject. They lied to him, right to his face. Something was up, and yet they would rather do anything else than tell him. Despair overtook his thoughts as MC refused to look at him, opting instead to reach for a bag of puffy chips. 

Speaking low, the demon of envy clutched the fabric over his heart as he felt it breaking. “You can’t stand me now, is that it?” Levi brought his arm up to cover his eyes as his mind swirled in dark reasoning, coming to the wrong conclusions out of self-depreciation. “You didn’t even want to hang out with me in the first place?! You came to my room out of pity?! You’re so ashamed to be with me you had to cry?!” His demon form slid into view, his tail slinking against the cold tiles of his floor. Hot salty drops of tears streamed down his own cheeks, his fingers moving up to wrap themselves in his hair as his Envy began to spiral out of control. “Of course you’d rather be with my brothers, of course. Why would you want to hang out with someone like me when...when…” 

“When you’re a demon? When you’re a powerful ruler of hell? When you have extraordinary powers?!” Levi lowered his hands and opened his eyes at MC’s escalating volume. Their lip quivered, the bag of snacks fell from their grasp, now abandoned on the floor. “These past few weeks since I’ve been hanging out with your brothers really just drove home how...useless I am. I’ll never be as put-together as Lucifer. I’ll never be as cool as Mammon. I’ll never be as smart as Satan, as pretty as Asmo, as strong as Beel, as witty as Belphie. And I--and I thought maybe hanging out with you would make me feel better but--” Their voice cracked, resulting in the demon nearly flinching as the pain in their voice almost physically hurt him. He expected them to list the many reasons they couldn’t stand to be around him, how he had done everything wrong. Expecting the worst, he curled up in his seat. “But I can’t even play a game correctly...I can’t do anything...I just wanted to be fun like you…” 

He had seen so many shows and anime, read so many perfect fantasy romance novels, played so many dating games, he knew exactly what to do. He’d wrap them into his arms and say some gushy poetic speech that would make sparks fly and every bit of doubt in each of them flow away. And yet...all he could bring himself to say was, “H--huh??” A few lingering tear droplets let themselves drift down his face as he attempted to process the words he had just heard. They both sat in a painful silence for a moment, both blubbering messes, both ashamed to be looked at by the other. But as Levi finally comprehended what MC had told him, he began to laugh. “You were envious of me?!” Falling into a giggle fit, MC stared at him, jaw agape. “I was worried that--that you thought I wasn’t good enough for you!” 

MC briefly wondered if they had broken him. “But you’re a powerful demon!” 

“You’re an amazing human! You watched me dance in cosplay for four hours the other day!” The mental image of the situation bubbled in MC’s brain, causing their tears to transform into laughter alongside Levi. The two of them chuckled uncontrollably, drying their cheeks, thankful they were alone in the room, far from judging eyes. 

“You made a cute magical girl,” MC grinned, no malice or intent to harm behind the teasing words. “But...I still don’t see how you can possibly think I’m amazing. I have little talent, no grand prospects for my future, no powers to speak off, a plain personality, and I have the obvious penchant for crying over silly things.” 

Biting his lip, Levi slid his own chair closer to theirs, the armrests brushing side by side. “Umm...well...the--the way I see it, you have things that are almost impossible for demons to have. Compassion, empathy, an open mind, it takes a lot of effort for demons to feel those things. It’s something that is rare to find in any living being nowadays, except for maybe angels, but even then you’ve heard Luke’s opinions on demons. Angels do like to condemn. I don’t know what’s typical in the human world but you seem rather extraordinary to me.” Taking a deep breath, he gently used his thumb to wipe away the last stray tear on the human’s face. With a single finger, he rubbed absentminded circles into MC’s knee. “Anyone different would’ve taken one look at my brothers and I and ran away as fast as they could...and yet you stayed. We’ve done everything we can to push you away, and yet you never gave up on us...on me...You’re wonderful, more than I could ask for, I--” He cut himself off, cheeks burning red as he bit his tongue to stop himself from speaking. He’d almost let something embarrassing slip. Racking his brain for something else to say, he felt the tips of his ears start to burn as MC grabbed his hand and let it settle in their palm. “I don’t think,” Levi blurted, recalling and nearly quoting a line from a Ruri-Chan anime, “that worth is defined by power and popularity. I like you just the way you are, isn’t that enough?” 

MC initiated it first, almost fully sliding into his lap as they moved from their chair into his to hug him. To prevent them from falling since his seat was only made for one person, he wrapped his arms tightly around their waist.  Both of them felt the heat and warmth from one another. It made Levi want to melt and yet explode at the same time. MC pulled him close, his face pressed against their shoulder. “Thank you, Levi.”