#suckerforthisshit

[queer-omens-in-the-archives]

@suckerforthisshit replying in a reblog instead of replies because i got REALLY long-winded dfhgsdfj (putting this under a cut for the sake of our followers)

omg this is so wild?? hello i love this. are you gonna post the story somewhere/does it already exist somewhere?? interesting dynamics 👀 (and also curious about L faking his death lol like what IS that about. omg.)

also yeah i see what you mean re: your Near's role in the plot!! your Near is DEFINITELY way more active than ours dhfgsdf

i think a contributing factor in how we write Near is that we tend to have him both very duty-oriented (putting the expectations placed on him & his stated goals ahead of what he personally wants/needs, unlike Mello who prioritises differently), AND

in denial about, or repressing important elements of, his internal state

struggling with some kind of paradigm change

in post-canon AUs only, super depressed and mostly apathetic.

meanwhile, in general, our Mello is way ahead of Near in terms of identifying and handling intense emotions -- not necessarily because because he is perfect at it, but in the sense that he actually like… feels his emotions/knows his wants well, and is driven to action by them. in contrast to Near who suppresses his emotions/wants where they contradict his goals/perceived duty, and therefore does nothing about them (unless they become overwhelming, which can force him to more immediate/instinctive action by removing his well-honed coping mechanism of Plan Ahead & Suppress)

in one of our (not even remotely close to canon) AUs, Near can feel Mello's emotions (not the reverse. long story), and because handling Mello is his Duty, he is actually more in tune with Mello's emotional state than his own. he also engages in a bunch of Denial because much of what he learns from Mello, what Mello makes him feel, threatens his (indoctrinated from birth) established worldview. which i think participates in his "immobility" because, well, you can't make moves to change stuff you're not even ready to admit Should be changed.

and, like in your story, it's Near struggling the most with feeling like he is "overly" attached to Mello -- he tries hard to ensure things can't go further emotionally than they already have (keeping the status quo at the cost of his own wants/needs). but he hits a point where he realises the status quo is unfulfilling and wrong, so in this AU Near is the one who has to go through a full-on existential crisis and grapple with the changes.

meanwhile Mello is immensely interpersonally traumatised, and it takes a lot for him to start trusting Near, but he gets to the "admitting what he wants for them both" part way faster than Near, so he ends up always kind of waiting for Near to catch up. he can't do a lot from his position, but he does get Near to think and consider new things and change in ways Near would've never come to on his own!

and in another AU where we wrote the reverse of that dynamic. they are a decade younger which informs Some of Mello's characterisation tbh dhgsdf. Near is incredibly passive and detached due to Interpersonal Trauma + Learned Helplessness, and this drives Mello nuts because he doesn't understand it. like he feels so confused about Near's lack of outward reaction, confused to the point of both disgust and fascination, which he acts out in completely unhinged ways -- to try and get Near to react, to be a bit more like him and bring them closer. actually what you said where

He grabs Near when he feels like it and tries to get answers to things in past, or just stare at his beautiful albino face as long as possible as close as possible. Near stays stoic and tries to escape the situation […]. Mello, on other hand, reacts to every Near's 'flaw'

for this AU? THAT IS A MOOD. like this Near very much cannot escape from the situation in any meaningful way (his only possible escape is dissociating things away, freeze state) but otherwise, similar. (like not fully, because a lot of this AU fic is about Near learning that it's okay to want things and act accordingly (he picks that up from Mello) -- he ironically ends up less passive than the other AU's Near despite having less agency, but it's still all because Mello started pushing him)

like in both cases what drives our plot forward is Mello's wants and feelings. if you removed Mello from the equation, then Near would be fully content to stay where he is. which ough they drive me insane together tbh

so we've spent the past three months writing MelloNear daily, and we've worked on enough different pieces in that time that i now have some Thoughts as to the narrative purposes they each tend to serve in our own works (this is not. about canon though i suppose it DERIVES from their canon dynamic. this is very much about how we personally play with the blorbos)

by and large Mello serves to drive the plot, regardless of the position he is put in within the universe. we don't even have to actively be trying to do anything with him -- even in our more Near-centric pieces, as long as Mello is present? his emotions, whims, wants are what shapes the trajectory of the story, his emotional beats are the beats that drive the plot forward. he feels, he impulses, he injects stuff into the sequence of events. things happen because Mello wants them to (or pushes Near to make them happen if/when he himself cannot).

meanwhile Near is much less of a driving force for the plot and more of a reflective force for the story. he isn't IRRELEVANT to the plot, he doesn't do NOTHING, but most of what he does from a plot progression standpoint is reactive. like, he acts not because of an inner drive, not based on his own wants or needs, but largely when his circumstances require action of him. (by circumstances i don't just mean Plot Events. sometimes what he reacts to are his own emotions, like in sweet atonement, when they are so overwhelming that he cannot put them aside to strategise effectively anymore -- the keyword here being "effectively", because even then his first response will still often be to try to strategise.) by and large what Near does do is provide space for reflection, for thought, for analysis. things happen to him, or through him, and he thinks about them a bunch, and he'd leave it at that if Mello wasn't pushing him.

so they make for super neat storytelling when you figuratively drop them together in a jar and shake them around, because it's like. Mello pushes Near into action Near wouldn't take on his own; and then Near adds weight to Mello's direction, provides a deeper sense of spacetime, fleshes out the places where Mello takes him that Mello wouldn't necessarily stop at or consider on his own. like at their core, in the way we write their dynamic, Mello Does and Near Is. and mixing them up, you get: all of the essential elements for a compelling story!

and obviously im not like, talking in absolutes, none of this is true 100% of the time or the only possible reading of them, nuance exists etc etc. but that's the general trends we're starting to notice in our own MelloNear writing over the past few months

[neallo]

Your fanfics are perfectly autistic. That monotone vibe, that endless routines, that control games, that precision, details. It's shocking, trilling, it's giving me a headache, and I love it.

It's the absolute opposite of my own interpretation. Mine is chaotic, crazy, wild, on fire. As if the Mello's side win. While your is as if Near's side win. Peace and quietness, precision and some unhinged subtle madness

:D !!!!! this is such a fun description hgjdksfhs i don't think anyone has characterized my writing style in quite these terms before -- this ask was a pleasant surprise ^_^ in a nosy way, i'm really curious if a particular fic made you think this!!

[also, "unhinged subtle madness" is exactly what i aim for so this made me especially happy lol]

i'm always also happy to hear when people enjoy my interpretations / writing even if they're very different from their own!! one of the most fun parts of fandom, honestly, is in seeing all the different takes on the same ship, and there are so many facets to their dynamic that i think a lot of different vibes can be plausible >:)

anyway -- thank you!! <3 you're very kind :')

[suckerforthisshit]

Anyways all my art is gone, and my PC is dysfunctional so I won't be posting art on this platform anymore. Here is one of latest works [unfinished], picture taken with the camera of my phone. I looked up towards this art but shit, this is all I got for now

Also let me introduce y'all to the new character (my OC) and Near's secret boyfriend, Chris. Near isn't with Mello for several reasons in my story (although he loves him), anyways here is Chris. (Never did his left eye)

They are all very pretty because Near dates only 'the prettiest guys', prick

Fuck it, that's all of me guys

[thinkin3s]

<33333

[neallo]

Neallo I am all more and more flabbergasted by your writing skills. Precision, description, dialogues. It's literally perfect. I'd like to ask you for some tips how to write that way. Please..

AHHH this is incredibly kind. i certainly don't consider my writing to be perfect (well. no such thing as perfect writing, really, but i mean here that i have areas i know i want to improve on over time <3) but i have worked on it a lot over the last year and a half and am proud of my progress :D let me try to take a moment to meditate on what i have found helpful while attempting to hone my writing. i took nyquil like 30 minutes ago so if this ends up incomprehensible -- i'm so sorry and i'll try again later lol.

in no particular order, here are things i have noticed which help:

reading more books:

i made it a goal this year to read at least a handful of new books, and i have :-) i stupidly don't keep track of which ones i read, but if i had to list some that i found very inspiring in terms of prose & style, i would say The Secret History by Donna Tartt and Circe by Madeline Miller take the cake. i like listening to audiobooks, because i struggle to find time to sit down and read.

in addition to the line-level prose and style inspiration you can glean from reading new books, i think just taking in new stories in general (books, short stories, comics, tv, movies, and so on) helps a lot with inspiration in terms of storytelling mechanics (how to structure a story, when to reveal information and how) and themes to explore.

writing exercises:

there are some really good writing books out there. the only one i have ever used is Steering the Craft by Ursula K. Le Guin. i have an epub of this somewhere that i can dig up if anyone desperately wants it <3 i think the book in general is excellent in terms of writing advice -- really, i like Le Guin's philosophy on writing a LOT -- but i especially like the exercises! they're fun and interesting and work well as warm-ups :-)

oh my god okay the nyquil is getting my ass. more thoughts later!!

for future neallo: elaborate on atmosphere, dialogue, editing practices (rewrites, listening thru the doc), word choice. also outlining, note-taking.

[neallo]

I am not jealous of your writing, I am desperate. Put a crown on your head, your sentences are as perfect as of classical novelists. Damn you, wow

hi aghjsdgsd i meant to answer this when i first saw it but then i wanted to hold it in my pocket for a little while because it's so kind. really nice thing to wake up to this morning :') thank you so much <3