So I'm leaving work and something darts in front of me, maybe 10ft away, too fast for me to see what it is. Peek around the tree blocking my path and I see this
Just like... a whole ass hawk. Dude's gotta be about 1.5ft tall. Massive fucking bird. And it's just staring me straight in my soul like this, even as I try to move ahead. It didn't budge. And there's only this path back to my car unless I want to walk on a busy highway. So I have the option of Death By Raptor or Death By Truck.
So I walk in the poison ivy filled patch off the sidewalk. Guy still isn't moving. Still staring me directly in the eyes. And I do this thing when animals are behaving strangely where I'll talk to them, so I'm just like, "Hey, man. I don't know you. You don't know me. This feels really threatening. I'm just trying to get to my car, dude. Can I get some space please? You're a big fucking bird. I see those claws. You could kill me right now, but I'd appreciate if you didn't, ok?"
It didn't move until I was about 2ft away. Again: I'm as far from it as I can be without walking into the street. It clearly wasn't going to budge. I walk past, thing flies up (silent, btw. Scary) and lands on a brick wall a little further ahead
Anyway. Weird guy. Nearly shit my pants when I noticed a bird big enough to carry off a fully grown cat was just... there, staring me in the face, unwilling to move away from me, a human, something it should see as a threat. I watched behind me the whole rest of the way to my car, just in case this bird decided to help me shed this mortal coil. 10/10 experience. Super cool guy.
28K notes
·
View notes
asian glossy starlings are severely under utilised Scary Birds. I see crows and ravens and vultures where is the love for these freaks
oohhh you want to put them in your art so bad oooohh
ID: three photos of iridescent black-green birds with bright red eyes and small black pupils, with long crow-like beaks. END ID
EXTENDED ID: three photos of glossy iridescent dark green birds, feathers almost black asides from where the light makes them viridian green. They have bright red eyes with jarring black pupils set into their head like precious stones and seem to be staring directly at the viewer, and their beaks are similar to crow beaks. The first photo shows a group of six starlings clustered on a wooden pole, presumably on a wharf. The second photo is two of the birds perched on branches, and the third photo is a close up of a starling's face from profile view. END ID
45K notes
·
View notes
After shoving Hansel in the oven, the witch turns to Gretel - who is currently fending the witch off with a gingerbread chair - and says:
"I can't believe you thought a trail of breadcrumbs would save you. I mean, honestly, this is a forest! It's full of animals. Honestly, the very idea that a dumb shit like you thought you could get the better of me is absurd."
Gretel hits her in the face with said chair. To be fair to the witch, she takes the chairshot like a champ.
"Ow!"
"Did you know," says Gretel, "that crows are capable of facial recognition?"
"Eh?" Says the witch, clambering to her feet and pulling a candy cane sledgehammer off the wall. "What's that got to do with anything?"
"Not only that," Gretel continues, "but they can remember both friends and enemies. And they'll often follow people they remember as friends."
The two fence with their sugared weapons for a moment, before the witch knocks the chair out of Gretel's hands.
"Enough with the bird facts! Honestly, this whole attempted escape has been utter clownshoes. Get in the fucking oven!"
She seizes Gretel by the collar. Gretel immediately sandbags, letting her whole body go limp. This eminently practical defense forces the witch to try and deadlift her. Which is hard, as the witch often skips leg day.
"For example," Gretel says, as the witch struggles and grunts, "if you feed crows a lot of breadcrumbs, they'll probably start to see you as a friend and follow you in the hope of more food."
The witch stops. Outside, she hears the thunder of wings.
"They'll even bring you shiny things they find as presents!" Says Gretel, as a corner of the gingerbread ceiling is suddenly cut away by a large crow with a knife in its mouth.
"Oh shitballs." Says the witch, as the crows descend. "I hope you know this is a great unkindness."
"Technically," Says Gretel, "It's a murder."
---
Thank you for reading. If you'd like to support my writing, you can do so at https://ko-fi.com/strangelittlestories
81K notes
·
View notes
Did you know? This colorful bird might be one of the Dodo’s closest living relatives! Meet the Nicobar Pigeon (Caloenas nicobarica). This bird lives in forest or mangrove habitats on islands, such as the Andaman and Nicobar Islands. Like some other birds and reptiles, it has a gizzard stone in its stomach that helps break down tougher foods in its diet, like the hard exteriors of seeds and nuts.
Photo: Mykola Swarnyk, CC BY-SA 3.0, Wikimedia Commons
3K notes
·
View notes